#but i dont want to live my life based off of how awful moving will be

[ocdhuacheng]

i can nawt read manga on my phone anymore that shit is so ass i need physical copies

[mangosrar]

Always, i will be here.

chris sturniolo x reader

a/n: guys this one is lowkey-highkey sad but i love it so much:(

loosely based off always by Daniel Caesar!!!!

My y/n,

I wonder when i first met you, in a way that was more than just physical. I wonder when a line in a song reminded me of you, or the first time i walked past someone who carried a scent so similar to yours, that i questioned if you had just walked past me, or the first time someone made a joke so good i had to relay it to you later and pretended it was my own.

I always thought that heart break was caused by mean words said so harshly they pierce the soul. But in reality, they’re from goodbyes that weren’t told, kisses never shared and hugs never felt. These are the ingredients of a broken heart and they can never be fixed. Broken beyond repair.

The thing is even if you could go back, you wouldnt belong there anymore. I still perform autopsies on conversations we had lives ago. They could hook me up to a polygraph and ask me if i still love you, i would say no, and the line would jump and stutter in the exact pattern of your laugh. It feels better to die at your hands y/n, than to never have felt them at all. The heart has its own memory, and i have forgotern nothing, so dont set me on fire and act like you're the one burning.

I remember once you told me you killed a plant by feeding it too much water, and now you worry love is voilence and i know i always say you hold on to too much and every time you reply; asking me where you should put it down. This is starting to look like a contest of who cares less but i liked it better when you were on my side. Im afraid i will love you for the rest of my life and we will never be in the same room again, and im worried the amount of time we have left together is limited so please lingre near the door or forget your jacket and come back for it later. Please just tell me that im not as forgetable as your absence is making me feel. You only hate the people you love, and i know i could never be someone you dont like.

But surrounded by the churches and the dirt, i fell in love with you here. I had never told you. I wish i was braver. It's okay to not be who you thought you would be. But now summer is almost over, my feelings didnt change, and you aren't coming back. But always, i will be here y/n.

My Chris,

Christopher Owen Sturniolo, you have siezed my spine, took my bones and left me to melt into a sticky pile of mush where my body used to be.

I have spent half of my life loving you, and the other half figuring out my love for you. If i could write a book on all the things i wished you would have said, i would run out of pages. I feel like a kid at christmas whos been hopelessly dreaming about getting a pony,only to be given socks. I pushed you out and now youre so far away i cant even reach for you. I could call you a hundred names and scream and shout about why you were awful. But where would that leave me. I still loved you. I still have to live with that.

Its like youve taken a part of me and left it where i cant find it. I tried to forgive you, so i could move on, but how is that possible when i find you in every song, every tone, every frequency and every static. My brain cannot move an inch without bumping into some part of you. You are just a burning house that i want to live in, so why can't you let me put you out?

I wish you had left me wondering. I think it would have hurt much less if i never knew what made you fall out of love with me. You held me tight as i weeped like a little girl who had just dropped her ice cream, you kissed the top of my head and rocked us back and forth. You muffled my sobs with your lips. You whispered sweet nothings to me as i cried in your arms. You wiped the tears that fell for the heart you broke. You told me there will always be a piece of your heart that belongs to me. You have stained me. Tainted and bruised my soul. You told me that you’ve never had a love like ours and never will. You said that you’re future wife will know about me. Your kids will learn what love is through the stories you tell them about us. And suddenly, im at the kitchen table. Crying. Wondering what went wrong. But always, i will be here chris.

@christinarowie332 @jcwrites-blog @sturnphilia @biimpanicking @sssturniolofart @lividnity

LMK WHAT YALL THINK!!!!

[fabunicorn]

Can you do forced agre with the hosts club

Immediately yes I have an idea it could become a series depending on my motivation levels, anyways bone apple teeth looks like it’s gonna be a long one.

Almost forgot all characters in this are aged up (almost forgot they weren’t adults then i remembered oh yeah the anime has high school in the name, so yeah their alleged up and ouran academy is a universitypls forgive me lol i dot know how i forgot tho it is agere so does it matter idk tell me in the comments since its not sexual i dont think it is but i could be wrong)

Warnings

Diapers

Forced agree

Mention of death

Mention of reader being an orphan

Drugging

Slight mention of diaper wetting and messing (very brief doesn’t actually happen just mentioned)

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Ouran academy. A place where rich snobs learn and do genuinely pointless things in between they call it the playground for the rich and beautiful a fitting name for it as those who learn there are automatically placed into power and are sheltered throughout there whole lives.

You are Y/n L/n you came from a normal family, you weren’t rich by any means however you weren’t poor either, you got into ouran academy based on your excellent grades you were offered a full scholarship today was your first day and things definitely weren’t going good. People stared at you in awe and pity as you walked though the Halls “poor thing how can she live as a commoner” one of the girls whispered to her friends as you walked past “she’s so cute like a little fawn” a boy across the hall spoke as you turned and gave him a glare. Who do these people think they are just because your poor doesn’t mean your life sucks, you’ll show them you’ll show all of them you will become the most successful person ever seen in ouran.

You

You were looking for a library that wasn’t full of pretentious sobs chattering, all you wanted was some piece and quite before your first class started. “Music room three, seems pretty quiet” you muttered to yourself opening the door being blinded by a bright light and barrage of rose petals, “welcome princess to our land of beauty” you heard a voice speak as your eyes finally adjusted to the surprise. You saw a boy with bright blonde hair and purpleish blue eyes, your eye twitched in annoyance ‘is there a room in this place where there isn’t s many people’ when the boy finally stopped posing and opened his eyes he gasped with a wide smile and tears coming out of his eyes “OH MY, your so cute” he said in a lively tone before grabbing you in a hug and spinning you around in circles.

Pushing the boy off you growled narrowing your eyes at him, looking behind the boy you saw others one small boy with blonde eyes and honey coloured eyes, a tall stoic looking boy with dark hair and a set of twins with quaffed orange hair and finally a ratherbored looking boy with rounded glasses and a girl with short brown hair but wearing the boys uniform? That same lively voice from before broke you from your thoughts “sorry dear please forgive me,my name is Tamaki Suoh you look new allow us to relax you with our esteemed host club” he spoke moving his hair from his face. “No way, who do you think you are? You can’t just randomly hug people without permission.” You said in an angry tone. One of the twin spoke “boss look at her clothes, she must be a commoner” the boy called tamaki looked at you eyes widening in shock and surprise gasping dramatically “oh my poor thing! You serve so much better your so cute and I bet once we get past that surprise and anger you’d be so sweet too.” Your brow twitched at the blondes words “just because I’m poor doesn’t mean anything, and don’t make assumptions about people you don’t know its rude.”

The girl spoke up “I agree with her on this senpai” you looked in her direction and smiled, you liked her she seemed nice “thanks” you said to the girl before hearing gasps from all of the boys “look at that smile how cute!” You groaned in annoyance before the boy wearing glasses spoke up “I never thought I’d say this but I agree with you boys she is quite adorable.” Tamaki at hearing this grabbed you and started spinning you around again “you even made the stoic kyoya smile what talent! You must join the host club your so cute everyone would love you.” You pushed tamaki off you again becoming dizzy you stumbled before you bumped into a table knocking off a variety of teacups and teapots.

“Uh oh” sang one of the twins “we were going to sell those in our next auction” spoke the other one,you sweat dropped “look even though its not my fault cuz you spun me I’ll pay you back” the boy in glasses chuckled “sorry princes but it would take you years to pay this off” you frowned your first day at this school was not going well, the boys interrupted you “please step outside while we discuss what we should do.” You nodded a solemn look on your face before stepping outside.

The boys huddled together whispering “she’s sweet and cute don’t you agree” Tamaki spoke a chorus of hums following in reply “she’s poor too a girl as sweet and cute like that deserves better.” Spoke Hikaru, kyoya piped up “I took a look at her files apparently sh was bullied in her own school and lives alone, her parents are dead.” Honey geared up at this “you mean she is an orphan?” Kyoya nodded a serious look crossing his features “oh that poor girl she must be working else how is she providing for herself” Tamaki spoke “she works in a cafe” kyoya replied, a though popped into all of their heads and they smiled. “I believe we are all thinking the same thing” kyoya said “I bet she’s stressed and I’ve seen something called ageregressio. It supposed to help, plus she’s so cute and sweet someone like her should never have to lift a finger especially after what she’s been through.” Spoke tamaki “then its settled well tale her to one o our houses to do this then well come back once she’s settled in” spoke kyoya. Surprisingly harsh I agreed with them too, she genuinely thought it would help you.

Haruhi went to let you back in “you can come back in now” she spoke in a soft tone a small smile gracing her features. You gulped in fear ‘these people can do whatever they want they will only believe the and even if they don’t they can pay people off’ you thought anxiously before stepping back into the room, the boys smiled as you walked in “we have come to a decision that we will tell you at one of our houses later, for now I believe it’s best for us to introduce ourselves” kyoya said that same bored expression back on his face “you already know me little one my name is tamaki suoh” the tall blonde spoke with a dazzling smile, “I’m honey and this here is Takeshi” spoke the small boy as h pointed to himself and the tall stoic boy who only gave a solemn nod in your direction. “We are the twins hikaru and Koaru dont worry your little head over who’s who you’ll never be able to tell” they giggled in sync with one another “I’m haruhi” said the girl whom you actually liked you smiled sadly at her before turning your attention back to the boy with glasses “my name is kyoya” he spoke plainly before tuning back to his clipboard.

“Okay little one meet us at the front of the school after lunch” spoke tamaki once more offering you a bright smile before showing you off “now hurry little one dont want to be late for your first class” he said finally allowing you to leave, you did so hoping to not arouse their anger.

They boys spoke in a hushed tone “we’ve got a lot of work to do, let’s get started.”

Timeskip

Lunch could not have come quicker and you were waiting anxiously swaying at the front of the school where the boys told you to wait, a limousine pulled up beside the boys all inside dragging your in a settling you between them before producing a cloth soaked in a strong liquid that knocked you out almost immediately.

“Shhhh dont wake her, she’s had. Rough day she needs all the rest she can get” spoke one voice “oh but kyoya I need to cuddle my little girl now” whined another voice in reply, you slowly opened your eyes sitting up before noticing something was very wrong. One you were in a bassinet,two you were in a soft onesie and diaper and three you couldn’t move very much. “See now look what you did.” Spoke the boy you remembered being kyoya they both turned and cooed to you before tamaki picked you up and settled you on his hip “oh my little girl welcome back daddy will explain soon but first we gotta get that diaper checked we dont want you getting a rash now do we little bug?” He spoke in a warm tone, your eyes widened at this “no,no dont touch me you sick freak what the hell is going on.” You spoke angrily kyoya turned around and glared at you “unless you want a red bottom I suggest you let your daddy check you” this scared you enough to stop all movements and let tamaki undres you and slip a finger down your diaper checking for any wetness or messes “all dry and clean” tamaki cheered.

“Hmm if she doesn’t go soon we will have to give her some medicine we don’t want her getting sick.” Chimed kyoya with a worried expression on his face before his smile returns and he grabs you from tamaki “lets go down and see your daddies and mommy huh little one, then we can get some nice milk in your tummy.” He spoke before taking you downstairs. Once you were downstairs you entered a living room that had another bassinet a baby bouncer wing and some soft toys you were so mortified you almost didn’t notice the others I the room smiling at you. “Hey little one hows our baby doing huh.” Spoke haruhi as tamaki sat down with you settled in his lap before she put a pacifier in your mouth. You spat it out and kyoya and Moro gave you a warning look so you took it and left it in, ‘these people are weird, best not to anger them you though as tamaki broke you from your thoughts.

‘So my little girl as you may have guessed you are bing put into age regression we know ll about your past and since we all like you so much and this can help you, this is how you will be paying us back do yo understand baby.” Tamaki cooed. You nodded already making escape plan in your mind. “Now there are a few rules you must follow and things you must do for this to work.” Kyoya interrupted “you must use your diaper for all purposes, you will be treated like a newborn as we feel that will be most comforting and relaxed, you must drink out of bottles and aching else we may give you and overall act like a baby and behave or you will be punished. Understand.” Kyoya said, you nodded playing along so they would trust you.

Honey tried waving usa chan in your face making voices and trying to make your laugh but you were too mentally exhausted to deal with that so mori took you from tamaki “it seems our little girl is tired so for now its a baba and a nap.” He spoke in a gruff tone, the others agreed and one of them left to make you a bottle whilst you were being rocked in moris arms.

‘Lord give me strength’ you thought with a blank stare.

To be continued…

[favoredsouls]

Its hard for me to talk about faith as it is hard for me to talk about anything. I say I don't know so much it might as well be punctuation for me. It's hard to say just how important I find personal faith and spirituality is over that of something based in a group. Maybe thats why I like the favored soul. They are often outside of a organization. Sometimes feared, sometimes revered, sometimes both. But this is real life I am in, not fantasy. I am not going to delude my experience by thinking I am a chosen one.

Years ago I was spending time with a friend at his college. I had feelings for him at the time. He was my first dm and the first guy I would date later one. He was exploring paganism and had been for a little while. But I was different. My parents, raised catholic, turned to paganism in their college years and kept it in their hearts along with their faith in christ. There are points I cannot tell what they really believe. But thats the thing. Faith is not one side or the other. Back to the point I have been pagan my whole life in a way.

So I am spending time with this guy and he eventually finds a group of queer kids that call themselves the Pagan Student Union at the college. He invites me to join their meetings. And I do. But the thing was. The thing was one of the first people I talked to very openly said they had dreams about Thor and he told them find other followers. An alarm bell went off then but i didnt know what it meant.

In short this group was a bunch of queer, college kids who were trying to escape christian programming. I have no ill will to them but tbh. They kinda creeped me out after a while. My friend I dont think talks to them anymore but remembers things differently.

By that point in my life I had been wearing a hammer for a few years and working with runes since high school. It was important to me but I have moved from the mystical stuff about it. Runes are letters. They have the meaning you give them. Like tarot. Its about interpretation.

I realized that some of the people i dated and loved at the time were misguided. They were told things that made them feel special by people who wanted something from them. I dont think one of them realized this. I didnt know how to tell them they dont have a dragon soul. That guy probably wants to sell you something or wants sex.

Then I come to learn through my mother and some online scholarly types that yes. There are people who do just that. Theyre called grifters. And they'll take a lot if they can. Theyre everywhere. That same person with the dragonsoul also felt they were talking to spirits.

They asked me if i believed them on a walk back from a little patch of woods near my home. Idk what i said anymore. I didnt but i didnt say that. They knew i didnt believe them though.

For other reasons im glad that person is gone from my life.

I learned that sometimes the things you find faith in are not the things you think them to be. Gods do not speak to us in anyway we hear if they do at all. Trees dont talk or have spirits that talk on their behalf. The guy whose telling you have a special soul probably just wants to bone. If they do I dont think the person writing this or that book knows how to listen and discern what theyre saying.

But there are real things out there that happen. Storms do move overhead and I feel energized by their rain. I feel awe. I feel fear. I feel excitement. They're like a friend who makes me feel good about myself and I value the time with them when we have it. I call him Thor.

There is something sacred to me about people fighting for what is right. For justice and truth. And i read stories about them and imagine a friend is telling me them. His name is Tyr.

I wonder the woods and see wind blowing through trees, forcing a cacophony of swayinh bodies. I cannot hear my own voice in the wind. And I am excited by this. Like I could be knocked off my feet at any moment. The glory of it all! To live and breathe at this moment.

I cannot find my dogs bowl for 2 weeks. I know in my mind it is under a couch somewhere but i cannot see the blasted thing with any flashlight. No one can. It must be the gnomes. Its always the gnomes. We curse them and bemoan them. It shows up two weeks later when we move the couch for other reasons. They have forgiven shilo for spooking them and returned the bowl.

Life is full of so much wonder, mischief and grief. The things you find mystical are not magic because they have extra properties. Theyre mystical because they exist and you can marvel at them!

My friend is a geologist and she likes to poke fun at the witchy types who think rocks do things. But she talked in the same breath about how these things have been crushed and moved for thousands if not millions of years to the surface into the form they are now and you get to hold it! Isnt that beautiful. It is Lee. It certainly is.

Life isnt tragic because we face so much hard ship only to die in an uncaring universe. Its beautiful that we get to live at all and do all these things and love people and sing and dance and hold rocks. The universe may be a charnel house of mostly dead stuff. But isnt it beautiful that we get to be some of very few things that can move and think and do so many things!

I exist at the same time as the stars do and they are beautiful. I get to see snowstorms and thunderstorms and my dog Shilo and all my friends dogs and all my friends. All in my lifetime! And so much more! I exist at the same time as all these things.

There is beauty in that truth. It is so awe inspiring to me that i get to be here at all! And so much more. So much more i couldnt say it all in a single post. I have faith in this beautiful world and everything that comes with it. I call her God for simplicity.

I like to think of her as a friend whose so excited to show me all the cool shit they find on their walks.

[delimeful]

(dont) take this the wrong way (6)

warnings: misunderstandings, trauma responses, illness

-

Patton and Roman went in circles for a moment on who should carry Logan, eventually settling on Patton, since Roman was the quicker between the two of them and they were alarmingly unsure of what the small mer was planning— or how negatively that plan would affect the little guy.

Roman couldn’t help but be a little jealous anyways at the sight of the human pressing his tiny face against the palm of Patton’s hand, still mostly unconscious despite the jostling. It was unfairly adorable, and he never got to hang out with humans that weren’t terrified or fled at the sight of him.

Logan had started off scared too, sure, but after they’d cleared that little misunderstanding up, the human had shooed him away with an itty bitty stern look.

He’d listened, of course, he certainly owed these two that much, but internally he was gleeful at how bold Logan was when hanging out with them. Maybe he’d even come back and they’d learn more of his language and he could needle the nerd into telling him more about surface life—!

But of course, that required that he get better first.

It seemed obvious now, with the feverflush to his skin and the subtle tremor even as he slept, but the signs were so tiny on him, they might not have noticed for ages yet. He was inordinately grateful that the little mer had brought it to their attention, even if it also meant learning just how lowly the little guy thought of them.

When they returned from the air room, the tiny mer hadn’t twitched from his spot, though he looked as though he wanted to vibrate right out of his skin.

Agonizingly, he only seemed to get more stressed at the sight of Patton’s cupped hands, gaze darting between them for a moment before he flitted forwards and pressed an earfin to the makeshift airseal, staying in place only long enough to catch the sound of Logan’s little raspy breaths.

Roman opened his mouth, arms sliding up to gesture, and the tiny mer shot all the way back across the room like quicksilver. He had a moment to realize that with that speed, they’d never have ‘caught’ him in the first place if he hadn’t been trapped by that net, and then he felt immensely guilty for clearly spooking the little guy.

“How about you lead the way?” he asked, trying to distract their flighty little friend before he started tearing hair out. “The exit is one cave down, we’ll follow to wherever you think is the best place.”

He was shaking his head before Roman even finished. “No, I’ll follow, you— whoever stole him, you have to take him back to that beach. You remember... right?”

Roman turned to glance at Patton, who nodded firmly. “I’ll get us started then, kiddo.”

He cradled his cupped hands to his chest and swam deeper, easily twisting through the exit tunnel into the open ocean. Roman nodded at the little mer and followed, hoping that the little guy wouldn’t just vanish.

Only a moment later, he flitted out after them, and Roman caught the desperate longing that crossed his expression for a moment at the sight of wide open terrain. It vanished after a single glance at Patton’s cargo, replaced by a grim scowl.

If it weren’t for the human, Roman had the feeling that the mer would have turned and vanished, too quick and small for them to ever see again.

Instead, he hovered carefully out of lunging reach as they traveled, watching their every move with narrowed eyes. Every unconscious twitch of Patton’s hands seemed to make him flinch in response, as though he was expecting something horrible would happen to the human at any moment.

Normally, Roman would have been quite offended about this implied slight against Patton’s character, since his friend was just about the gentlest guy he knew. With circumstances what they were, however, he remained silent. He knew that this wasn’t really a reflection on Patton, but rather someone else entirely, a phantom presence that was still haunting the small mer.

Roman let out a breath of relief when they finally resurfaced, a human beach visible nearby. Patton unfolded his hands as soon as they were above water, and they both peered nervously down at the human.

“He doesn’t look like he’s gotten any worse,” Patton murmured, angling his hands so their small tagalong could see as well. “This is fairly close to the beach I found him at!”

“It seems the early hour has served us well,” Roman added, making sure not to gesture as he usually would. “There doesn’t appear to be anyone else around. Should we set him on the beach?”

The tiny mer jolted when he realized that they were both looking to him, flitting back and forth in nervous motions. “Uh, yeah— Yes. But be careful. And make sure you put him high enough that the tide can’t drag him back.” He continued in an undertone, “With his luck, it’ll be ages before another human appears.”

“I’ll do it!” Patton announced, already pushing forwards to shallower waters. “Roman’s likely to beach himself if he goes too far inland, and that’s shore to make things difficult!”

Roman groaned, flicking his fingertips at the siren. “That was one time! One-time incidents don’t qualify for pun-based bullying!”

Patton’s muffled laughter got quieter as he shifted to lay vertically, scooting forwards until his chest was scraping the sand and his arm could extend to set Logan gently against the beach incline. Logan’s head lolled to the side, but he seemed unlikely to go anywhere, and was in plain sight of anyone passing by.

Roman glanced down at the tiny mer, who was staring over the waves at the human, finally looking a little less stiff and stressed.

Patton wiggled back until he could tread water upright again, sharing a little cheer with Roman at a successful quest. Their guest’s tension returned immediately, that little shadowed gaze snapping back onto them.

Roman and Patton exchanged a glance, uncertain of how to proceed, but before anyone could speak, they heard a small, hacking cough.

Logan was awake, just a little too late for him or Patton to say goodbye. He probably wouldn’t have understood, but it would have been nice anyhow. Roman watched as he rolled to something resembling upright, his limbs trembling weakly. He was looking back and forth, not just noticing the new decor, but searching.

Roman glanced down to the small mer, who had set his shoulders and continued looking firmly away from the beach. He sunk a little lower in the water, trying to make eye contact. “Would you like to go and say goodbye before he leaves? Or, tell him what’s going on, perhaps?”

He shook his head once, sharply, and Roman felt a little pang of sympathy at the way his ear fins kept angling back at every noise the human made.

Logan was calling out now, the same word repeated at increasing levels of urgency. “Virgil?”

The mer still refused to glance back. “I’m not breaking the deal. You upheld your half, and you’re going to keep upholding it, and I’ll uphold mine. I’m not going anywhere.”

He’d drifted closer to Roman as he spoke, but it didn’t feel like any sort of progress. He’d tucked all those extra flares and frills away, smoothing himself down as though he was calm— or resigned.

Roman glanced up at the beach, where Logan still called. As he listened, that little voice cracked midword, desperation slowly turning to despair. He moved to cup his hand underneath the little mer, his heartstrings pulling at the way he let out a slow, shaky breath and closed his eyes, even as Roman lifted him up from the ocean entirely.

Patton opened his mouth as if to speak, but Roman met his eyes and shook his head, promising with his gaze alone that he knew what he was doing. His friend glanced down at the little guy worriedly, but held his tongue.

With one strong push, Roman slid up to the beach’s edge, grimacing slightly as the water became shallower and shallower. His arms were longer than Patton’s, though, and so he had little trouble reaching over and depositing his handful of seawater & tiny mermaid directly next to Logan.

“Virgil!” the human said, relieved, and he reached out to latch onto the mer, confirming Roman’s name suspicions.

‘Virgil’ had yelped like a baby seal upon being upended onto the beach, and he was now blinking between Roman and Logan with an air of extreme bewilderment.

“Virgil,” Logan said again, now in a very different tone. He wore a tiny, furious expression as he launched into what sounded like a somewhat-feverish lecture. He also reached over and pulled the mer into a hug, confirming Roman’s ‘he had no idea Virgil was going to pull this’ suspicions.

Roman was so right about so many things today. Everyone should listen to him all the time!

He wriggled back a little, intending to give them some privacy to talk, and made absolutely no progress. Uh oh. He glanced down at the others.

“I am just a little bit, slightly, somewhat, completely beached again,” he told them, his face growing hot. “I hope you two appreciate that I did this even though Patton is absolutely never going to let me live this down.”

“Need me to reel you back in, kiddo?” Patton called, right on cue. Roman sighed, planting his face in the crook of his elbow for a moment.

“Just a moment,” he called, and then met Virgil’s wide eyes from over Logan’s shoulder. “It seems like there’s still much for you both to discuss, my undersized acquaintances. We shouldn’t stay so close to land for long, but I imagine you’ll feel better if you keep him company until someone comes for him, right?”

Logan’s brief spark of energy seemed to be flagging, but every time Virgil attempted to disengage from the hug, he clung on tighter. After a brief moment of hesitation, Virgil conceded to the clinginess and simply nodded at Roman, still half-braced for something awful.

Roman gave him his most reassuring smile. “Then that’s what you’ll do. You know where to find me or Patton, if you need us!”

“Really?” Virgil asked, hands fisting in the back of Logan’s shirt. “You’ll let me-- you’ll leave us alone? Just like that?”

Roman nodded, lips twisted in sympathy. “Just like that.”

Virgil’s eyes narrowed suspiciously, fins flattened against the sides of his head-- and then he took a deep breath, loosened his grip just slightly, and nodded back.

[squeakadeeks]

I live for oversharing on the internet but deadass everytime I pause and reflect on this past year I'm just mind boggled by how absolutely horrendous it was.

gonna pop this under a read more if you want to know the goings on or if you want to have a break in the onslaught of everyone posting their W's to simply revel in the absolute cringe state of my life. going to even out the W to L ratio for a spell-

like ?? i mean to be fair, its not limited to 2021 or a "cursed year", the past few years have been extremely hard and getting harder- but right out the gate 2021 was just misery. Stuck working two awful jobs, one of which was social media based and exposed me to extreme levels of harassment for months and was given no protections by my employer (arguably even the opposite, we were forbidden from turning off comments) and then my other desk job had my boss suddenly do a personality 180 and go from absolutely lovely to excessively hostile without reason to the point where I had to quit.

so then i was just aimlessly floating for a while, before BOOM getting hit with rejection after rejection from grad schools, including both my dream schools in a manner that was exceptionally cold.

AND THEN- things at home popped the fuck off, and i dont want to get into too much detail publicly but we dealt with downright haunting situations involving comorbid substance abuse, borderline, and schizophrenia that again, without getting into details- was the most traumatic period i've had in my life (AND LADS i'm a CSA survivor; shit was fucked up. shit fucked me up.)

AND THEN- my ED spiralled out of control ?? to the point where a bitch got scurvy ?? ? ? in 2021 ??? followed by a cancer scare ??? AND THEN i had to move away from home, abandoning Wiggins, Tudball, and everyone who's ever given a rat's ass about me to cali in august during a 119 degree heatwave.

AND THEN the place i moved for had an atrociously hostile work environment, 80+ hour work weeks, insulting and belittling department heads that bullied at least one student out of the program already as working conditions caused my health to decline so bad I couldnt lift drinking cups. For the past 3-4 months we've had problem sets that would take 15+ hours to complete due every 48 hours every single week, on top of teaching our own classes and getting research started....while living alone for the first time and dealing with all the depression that comes with that. my BMP increased by 20 beats since october from stress.

AND THEN- i got hit with academic probation on my first quarter of grad school. now you might think "well gee those working conditions you listed above sound awful, i'm sure others were in the same boat" NO SIR- im pretty sure im one of only 2 students that were placed on probation...like cha boy went from being top of their class with a 3.99 GPA to being potentially the worst student in the cohort and a sub-3.0 GPA in grad school. girlboss behavior.

A N D T H E N- when i came home for the holidays i discovered that e v e r y s i n g l e c o s t u m e I have made in my career except for the two i took with me had been destroyed, thrown away, or damaged beyond repair while i was gone. like i can't even emphasize to all how fucked up this is hitting me. hypnos is destroyed. lif is SUPER destroyed. Joker, akechi, and aigis had most of their parts thrown away; just to name a few specifically. all of this was news to me and i only discovered it when checking on them to see what i could bring back with me. through the screen i am grabbing you by the shoulders to emphasize that every single godddamn cosplay i have made in my life save for robin and nekomancer have been made completely unwearable. this happened yesterday and i still havent even processed it tbh its just 👁👄👁

and on top of it all, like a goddamn insult cherry on an injury sundae, i watched many of my good friends get engaged or form loving happy relationships while cha boy will likely become a 25 yr old virgin soon bc i continue to struggle to develop relationships/no one irl is interested, my acne is popping tf off, i keep gaining weight for no reason, got a string of terrible haircuts, still cant seem to connect with anyone solidly in cali/have a painfully dilapidated and isolated social life with only a few acquaintances, GOT INTO TWO CAR ACCIDENTS IN ONE DAY, broke my hand during a midterm that i then failed, like!!! tell me that isnt girlboss behavior ✨💅

to conclude this internet overshare; thats the year ive had up until now. i keep thinking 2022 will be better but i also fully know that theres no reason for any of this stuff to abide by a calendar and that realistically when dec 31st becomes jan 1st its just hell and pain and misery and suffering forever actually

[sharknadoslutt]

Not that I ever wanted to watch it because of the era it plays in, but what was so awful about Star Wars resistance?

Oh Okay this ask got me GOING so Welcome to my Tedtalk on my feelings on Star Wars Resistance; a story of Disappointment.

So Mr. Dave Filoni, the story telling Prince, left the show like halfway through production of the first season for other projects (For TCW season 7 and The Mandalorian). This left what was a promising show with characters Dave himself had created, in the hands of very inexperienced story board artist and writers. Personally, I think they panicked and half assed it so that Disney could make money on toys. Because.. idk. It just doesn't even come close to the emotional story arcs that TCW and Rebels gave us. and that's what Star Wars is supposed to be about. Changing for the better. Hope or some shit, am I right?

What was most disappointing in my opinion.. is that the protagonist, Kazudo Xiono, is UNBEARABLE. He is the EMBODIEMENT of privilege. This punk has had everything handed down to him from the moment he was born. He was born like 14 years after the Empire has been brought down and the New Republic reigns, so he has never known war. AND HIS DADDY IS THE SENATOR OF HOSNIAN PRIME FOR FUCKS SAKE! THE CAPITOL????? WHERE THE SENATE IS???? YOU KNOW HOW RICH THAT MUST MAKE HIs FaMiLY??? His dad literally gives him an allowance even though he is a grown ass man in the military when the show starts.

To put things into perspective for those not up to date on Sequel Era Lore and I envy you greatly tbh bcs not to be that person i do not like the sequels that's the equivalent of being the Senator of Coruscant in the Prequels!!!!

Not to mention he is a BUMBLING idiot. Like. This man has ADHD on steroids. As a person with ADHD it's.. lord, it's cringe. He is clumsy. He is loud. He says inappropriate things at the wrong time. He doesn't know how to do anything for himself. AND HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SPY FOR THE RESISTANCE UNDER COVER AS A MECHANIC???? HE KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT MECHANICS and really doesn't really learn anything about it by the time the show ends. And don't come at me saying this is a kids show so I cant complain about things being silly bcs I'm not the target audience. I can and I will bcs no one was NEARLY this obnoxious in TCW or Rebels. Kaz is Jarjar Level, but I ACTUALLY LIKE JARJAR!

DUDE IS A DAMN SPY HE DOESNT EVEN LIKE GO BY AN ALLIAS!!! HE DEADASS USES HIS REAL FULL NAME. BCS KAZ IS AN IDIOT.

I'm not saying he isn't a good person. Kaz is very sweet tbh. He's just an unknowing spoiled ass man-child who NEVER REALLY DEVELOPS INTO ANYTHING ELSE?????

It would be okay if he entered the show like this and exited a more mature, capable man. But he really doesn't. There are never any consequences for his actions. Ever. Other than when he becomes a spy and, again, IS USING HIS REAL LEGAL NAME as a spy for the Resistance... to avoid a scandal and to scold him for LITERALLY DESERTING THE NAVY his daddy cuts him off from his allowance. So instead of half assing his cover job as a mechanic, Kaz has to actually apply himself so he can make money for food. He doesn't improve much. His co-workers (Who are MUCH more interesting than him) constantly complain about him messing things up and making their jobs more difficult.

Man, FUCK KAZ. MY HOMIES HATE KAZ. BEING HOT CAN ONLY GET YOU SO FAR!!!!!

At the Season one finale there is a moment where you think he is finally going to grow as a man! Grow into the protagonist we deserve! Tragedy, for the first time in his life, strikes Kaz! It's during the events of episode 7, when The First Order blows up Hosnian Prime. His home planet. Where his FATHER LIVES. He has a moment of humanity and he is devastated. He almost cries. But he sucks it up to finish the mission and get his friends off base for their safety. He is a man now. and the audience feels a sense of comradery for Kaz. After all, Star Wars is about Fathers. Kaz has lost his father forever. His father was KILLED by the First Order. He now, first hand, has experienced real loss for the first time and this is going to help him grow and toughen up. he has to live on his own now. Our hero has a reason to be doing what he's doing. Fighting against the first order.

BUT NAH. FAM. then the very next fucking EPISODE YOU FIND OUT HIS DAD IS FUCKING ALIVE AND THAT HE DIDNT ACTUALLY EXPEIRENCE THE LOSS THAT HE HAD THOUGHT, AND HE GOES RIGHT BACK TO BEING HIS GOOFY ASS CHILDISH SELF. NO. I HATED THAT. THERE WAS NO REASON FOR GROWTH. MAN FUCK RESISTANCE.

FUCK. IF ANYONE DESERVED THEIR FATHER TO LIVE THROUGH A DAMN PLANETORY DESTRUCTION IT WAS MY GIRL LEIA, NOT FUCKING KAZUDO THE CLOWN XIONO. FUCK. guys I'm sorry I just really hate this god damn character.

Like. Lemme break it down, folks.

TCW started and Ahsoka enters. I HATED Ahsoka for a long time. Bcs she was young, cocky and annoying. But that was on purpose. Narratively, she experiences loss, she experiences pain and GROws as a character while navigating her Jedi life during the war. Our girl grows into the capable protagonist that we EXPECT out of a Star Wars story.

Same for Rebels. We meet Ezra, and he's not quite as annoying as Ahsoka was at first in my opinion (I cannot stress how much I did not care for Ahsoka yall) but he was young. He was childish. But he was more capable at 14 than fucking Kaz was at 20. By the end of Rebels, not only is he more wise and capable, but he is selfless. He has found his own path and it's only because of what he has gone through. His journey has made him stronger. Ezra is my favorite Star Wars journey, if I'm being honest. He is the perfect example of character development.

KAZUDO XIONO ENTERS SEASON ONE AS A 20 YEAR OLD MAN-CHILD USING DADDY'S MONEY WHO IS LOUD AND DOESNT KNOW WHEN THE STFU... AND EXITS THE FINALE... AS A LOUD MAN-CHILD WHO CAN NOW USE TOOLS. He doesn't' experience REAL FAMILIAL loss. He doesn't really experience a lot of character development at all. Things just happen around him, he helps, but he doesn't learn. He doesn't grow. I fucking hate that.

Literally every single character in the show BESIDEs Kaz is more interesting than him. and EXPEIRENCE CHARACTER GROWTH!!!

Jarek Yeager, Kaz's boss in the mechanic shop, was in the Rebellion and LOST HIS FAMILY. He is a sexy ass man too. HE starts the show not wanting to help the Resistance at all bcs he's experienced loss since his days in the Rebellion, and his heart is hard and he's comfortable. By the end of the show he is risking not just his career, but his VERY LIFE to help the Resistance.

Tam Ryvora, Kaz's co-worker. Daughter figure to Yeager and a total bad ass woman of color. She is the one on the show who experiences the most character development and struggles to find her identity while the First Order is taking over the galaxy. I LOVE her.

There are these 2 kids who are force sensitive and orphaned after Kylo Ren comits GENOCIDE on their planet. This arc set up is never fully addressed nor does it have a conclusion, like most story arcs on this show tbh.

There's a literal witch for some reason??

There's this fucking rad ass sexy Mirilian Pirate girl named Synara who FOR SOME REASON is suggested to be Kaz's love interest. Gross. Girl, you gay. Move in.

I could go on and on and on. But I wont. Fuck this show. Fuck Kaz. It literally adds NOTHING to the bigger Star Wars lore. TCW and Rebels do this beautifully and this show is a hot mess of ideas and characters that never come to a satisfying story telling conclusion.

Thanks for coming to my tedtalk, dont watch Resistance.

[nottogetpoliticalbutwtfisoatmeal]

okay look i

i just saw that ppl wrote stuff on their tumblrs so uh

brainrot igwberwe

below the cut a is sappy Eyes and Arms fic i wrote based off of 'dont yank my chain' around 1293 words

A dull thud was heard on the ground. Quieter were heavy pants and the rustling of leaves. The moon was on the way to rising, with the sun waving its final goodbyes.

Good. They would be seen less easily.

Handy sat on the forest floor, if not collapsing against it. He was absolutely exhausted. He was running from the law for a crime he was wrongly accused of, even the victim of. His trusty safety helmet was long gone, fur pulled and pricked, feet bruised, and some of his tail was bitten off.

Handy wasn’t even the one who was the worst off. Poor Mole had to carry the massive weight the entire journey. He ran into branches, pits, and nearly fell off of a cliff due to his lack of vision. His life was so used to being slow and steady, giving him enough time to get used to his surroundings and navigate them. But there, in a gruesome chase that had both of them in foreign places, must have the mole lost and confused.

For the night, the two hid in a bush, waiting for the baring of dogs and yelling of sheriffs. Once they were silent for a hot minute, the two decided it was safe to find proper shelter. They landed by a river loud enough to mask the sound and scent of them.

Handy curled his legs up to his chest. The night’s cold was setting in, and the beaver didn’t have a blanket or bed to lie in. The rushing water was driving his instincts up a wall, but he couldn’t be bothered to chew down even the tiniest of trees in his current state. Sleep would just have to come to him in the form of passing out, he guessed.

After some moments of Handy trying to ignore the pain and ache of his whole body, a certain sound caught the carpenter’s interest. It sounded similar to the crash of the river, but it was deeper, yet lighter. It had more volume, and more emotion.

It was crying.

Handy lowered his head to the nub of his arm. He didn’t feel his torn bandages dampen, and his fur along his cheeks felt fairly dry, if not wet with blood. The beaver turned his head.

Mole was sat on a log, arms crossed on his knees. He was facing down and his ruined sweater was shaking. He was shivering, even though he was wearing the most clothing out of the two of them. The shades covering his eyes were slid down slightly. A trail of dark lavender left his eyes into the fold of his turtleneck.

Oh. Mole was crying.

Handy was known for being sarcastic and grumpy. He grit his teeth at problems he faced, and would kick the shit out of anyone who mentioned the lack of his arms. But, despite being a downer most of the time, he did have a heart. Only few knew about that, though. One of which being his younger brother, Toothy. The little beaver would sometimes come home bawling, wailing about how he was made fun of for his features or the gruesome ways he died. Handy had done his fair share of poking fun at the kid, but when his brother was genuinely upset, the orange beaver knew when to be serious. He comforted Toothy like a mother would to her child.

Handy got up from the ground. The silent sobs reminded him too much of his family, and he felt his heart act before his mind. He sat beside Mole, and placed an arm behind the violet sweater. He circled the end, rubbing shapes into Mole’s back. Comforting words left his mouth, nonsensical gibberish cooed in a soothing way to get to Mole’s mind. When he caught the animal’s attention, he turned his head to face Handy. When the carpenter got the idea he had the other’s focus, his words turned into actual sentences. Various ‘it’s okay’s and ‘I’m here’s poured out his buck-toothed mouth, Mole visibly stopped shaking, but quiet sniffles could be heard.

The blind man curled into a ball. A common sign of helplessness. Handy’s auburn eyes softened, blurring with tears of sympathy.

“You’re scared because you don’t know where you are, dontchya?” he murmured, inching closer to give the mole something to lean on. His arm curled around the other’s waist for support. Mole nodded weakly, growing tense.

Handy placed his head on top of Mole’s. He clicked his tongue. “Aw, honey, it’s gon’ be okay. You’re safe. You’re safe with me.”

Okay, maybe he shouldn’t have used the name ‘honey’. Instinct he picked up from Toothy. He rarely used pet names, but they’d slip out when he tucked Toothy into bed or let him fall asleep against his shoulder. Handy froze, but continued like nothing had happened, clearing his throat.

After some time, Mole gripped the beaver’s chest, mumbling into his neck. Handy lowered his head to hear him better.

“....forest. River….. Log…”

He was listing what he could hear or feel. His surroundings. He was trying to locate where he was.

Handy’s ears fell, and his grip tightened. He nuzzled his face into Mole’s, just like he would do with Toothy. It was a parental thing he would do… but it might have come off more affectionate than intended.

“Yeah, you’re in a forest,” he whispered into Mole’s ear. “We’re by a river. It’s night right now, and that damned sheriff ain’t here. We’re safe.”

“It’s night?” Mole’s surprisingly sharp hands dug into Handy’s fur. He nodded.

“Mhmm. We’re gonna go to sleep, okay? You’ll feel all better in the mornin’, ‘kay?”

Mole hesitated, but moved his head in agreement. The animal in his arms got heavier, and Handy realized he was going limp to lie down. He drifted the man as close to the ground as he could get, and let him plop onto the strands of grass. He was visibly more relaxed.

And Handy was visibly more cold. He was used to the shared body heat of Mole and his sweater. He curled into a ball.

“It’ll be okay. Everythin’ll be okay,” he cooed to himself.

A tap got the carpenter’s attention. He turned around to see Mole looking at him. He paused, and then raised his arms. There was an open spot next to his chest.

This was an invitation to snuggle. Mole wanted to snuggle with him. Probably to share body heat, but Handy was alight with blush. He stammered, and then looked back into the dark forest. It was cold, and he couldn’t tell what were fireflies and what were glowing eyes.

Handy looked back at Mole. It was parental, right? Something he would do with Toothy. Yeah, that’s why, the beaver told himself as he inched closer, feeling large hands close him in.

He was wide awake at first. He was being cuddled by Mole, and he couldn’t get his mind off of it no matter how it tried to phrase it. But, his sweater was nice and soft, and so was Mole’s fur, and the way he functioned as a living pillow…. just…

When Handy awoke that morning to see that he was completely entangled with Mole, and even fit into the same sweater the animal was wearing, he realized what he had done the night before. But… it felt nice. For both of them. The morning made them both feel better, and Handy couldn’t recall the last time he had physical affection.

Handy looked up at Mole, whose glasses were slightly askew, and his head was lifted just enough for Handy to burrow his in the crook of the mole’s neck. Maybe he could pretend to be asleep just a little bit longer...

[randombubblegum]

My desire to criticize Awsten vs my fear of setting off his rejection sensitive dysphoria (which he definitely has). It being a side effect of ADHD which he said he was ���diagnosed with as a kid but it doesn’t bother him anymore”... as someone with ADHD Yes It Does.

It’s so hard to criticize him without hurting my own feelings because I understand why he’s doing what he’s doing. I understand why he gets his feelings hurt so hard and why his mind doesn’t want any less than what it wants.

I see myself do this kind of stuff because of my ADHD and I too get into spirals where people only praise me because they know I’ll get pissy if they criticize me so I GET IT but SOMEONE needs to talk him down, no matter how hard it’ll be on him.

I’ve had an AWFUL feeling about 300E since the beginning. Awsten has said that there’s no bad blood between the band and Hopeless and Hopeless has agreed. He genuinely just doesn’t want to be considered pop-punk. Thing is, 300E doesn’t CARE and they never will. They will never care about Waterparks. I wonder if Geoff and Otto even wanted to move to 300E considering they like bands in the scene more than Awsten...

Fandom felt so full of life from the band. It was so jointed together. Otto and Geoff felt THERE. It felt like Waterparks and not The Awsten Show. Fandom was so Album Like. It had a distinctive era. It was a THING. What even is this era?? I’m gonna guess every song is gonna be similar to Reboot. I like Reboot but... only on its own as its own thing. I wouldn’t if it was an entire album that sounded like that

If Awsten wants to be discarded from the pop-punk label so bad then he should get rid of Geoff and Otto and be solely autotune and synthesizers and he should stop screaming in songs. If he hates it that much... but he’s not going to right? So how much does he actually hate being pop-punk

I have a feeling they’re gonna pull and All Time Low when this album flops and go crawling back to Hopeless

this is a bit of a doozy of an ask but honestly i agree with a lot of it. i am also, like, super super super SUPER sensitive to rejection, like its actually a problem, and this isnt the first time ive seen it floated if awsten has it too (from people who have it). im inclined to agree? its a really common symptom of adhd and he has said he has that, so.

adhd and the rejection-based socialization it leads you into is really hard. it fucks with your thought patterns because your dopamine reward center is broken and it makes praise feel AMAZING and perceived slights almost unbearably painful. i dont want to ~diagnose~ him from afar, but if even a little bit of that is true for his lived adhd experience, i get it. i do. it explains a lot about why he does what he does sometimes. it makes it very hard for people who care about you to tell you “no”.

300ent has an easily googleable history of fucking artists over and tightly controlling when and how they can release new music..... that really makes me nervous if awsten signed with them to get AWAY from that........ ive always been rly worried that 300 doesnt seem to be helping them do anything as far as band promo or like, merch fulfillment goes and i think its maybe the case :( and yeah well literally never know what geoff or ottos thoughts on the move were or even if they had any lol....

and you KNOW awsten will never, ever let on that anythings wrong, if it is!! hell spin it to be positive and look like hes on top of the world because thats what he does!! if youre just on his twitter, seeing him act cool and everyone around him praise him, why would you ever think anythings wrong?

id sort of argue that fandom felt like “the awsten show” way more than dd, or even ent did....... lots of solo interviews, lots of interviews where awstens the only one talking or he ribs on otto and geoff kind of... with bite..... but i agree that it was much more cohesive as an era and a promo cycle, at least so far. i agree lol i like reboot okay but its like my least fav track on fandom and i also wouldnt want a whole album styled after that..... i mean its a personal preference, but still

i worry a lot about awsten pulling a brendon urie here but theres no way to guess how far hell go with it, i guess we just have to wait and see :[ i will say though, and i really doubt im alone in thinking this, that i like waterparks BECAUSE ITS A BAND and not just awsten..... i like geoff and otto and their interactions. if i wanted a solo artist id get behind like idk harry styles or something

[doomstypewriter]

would u do forbidden love, secret relationship moceit? i was thinking a pseudo-historical au, ideally with homophobia as the motivator for the forbidden/secret part but if u absolutely dont wanna do that janus being an outlaw would also work i suppose. just some whacky bois sneaking through windows to hang out, nearly being caught smooching, funny hijinks, then! sudden melancholy about how in love they are & never being able to show it

Finally, anon, I am done!!!!  I gladly present to you the final chapter, just in time for Valentine's Day (call that timing (once you read the thing you'll get this reference)). 

 Hope you enjoy it, and thank you for giving me the chance to write something this cool! 

<< Chapter 1                                       AO3

We call it an affair because it's a forbidden romance 

Word count: 9376 

 Summary: Janus is dumb. He may be intelligent, but intelligence isn't at odds with poor foresight. So he makes a mistake that can get him killed. Romina is very gay and very angry. Patton is confused but does his best. Virginia is the only one with a functioning brain cell. Or, how a chain of misunderstandings almost ruins everything. 

 TW: Seemingly Unsymphathetic fem!Roman (not really, she is just feeling very hurt and angry and it is all resolved eventually), mild transphobia, mentions of blood, mentions of violence (there is a sword fight), mild misogyny, internalised misogyny, internalised homophobia, homophobia, mild threats of violence (again, the sword fight), swearing... I think that's all, but if you spot anything else tell me. 

Chapter 2: The rest of their lives 

The light raised above the darkness and it was morning again. In two days time, Patton would be meeting the countess, just so he could start properly courting her, not because his father wanted to get a title and land for his son. To suggest such a thing would be ridiculous. Scandalous even!

Reputation ruining…

Janus got up from his cot, unfit for the heavy silks that covered it, some stolen, some gifted by Patton. He looked at the things surrounding him. His house wasn’t so bad. It was in fact bigger than the places inhabited by most peasants, and a palace compared to the things in which people like him had to sleep… the things where he had had to lay in. The house consisted of one room, like most, but the size made up for the lack of divisions. 

This was a cave reimagined as a home. The walls had been lined with timber and thoroughly coated with stucco, the curving grooves of its application were not that noticeable, Janus was not a professional but he had certainly done his best. Aside from the absence of windows, it didn’t resemble a cave. There was a section of rock he had left uncovered at the very back, where water seeped out of the wall and provided him with a steady source of the thing. He would prefer not drinking watered-down stucco. 

He began to get dressed. All of his clothing was stored within a small but beautifully carved cupboard he had stolen from a manor in Bohemia. He had plenty of garments from here and there, five outfits in total! Stolen as well. 

In the house, what he hadn’t crafted himself he had stolen. Perfume bottles from France, boots and gold from the Kingdom of Aragon, a stiletto and a medium-sized silver mirror from the Republic of Venice… he even had two tapestries. 

But, even then, it was nothing compared to Villa Morandi. He surrounded himself with opulence to quench his thirst for wealth, the easy life of those above. His home was an illusion, a taste of richness, in which a poor man could pretend. This was not a place where Patton could live, let alone want to. 

If he was to spread rumours, then what? A plan of keeping Patton to himself would not succeed and his lover’s life would be as good as done. 

After packing his fanciest clothes and putting on the ones he used for travelling, he set to leave. He carried his stiletto, a grappling hook and a sword, all three perfectly hidden under his cape. 

Using a hidden pulley system, Janus moved the boulder that hid the entrance to the cave, returning it to its place afterwards. No one would find his home no matter how long he left.

The path down the slope of the mountain twisted and turned. Janus was in no disposition to waste time, so he went across the forest. Half-lost in the trees lay the cabin of a woodsman’s family. A while ago, Janus had left them a steed along with one florin. The family cared for the horse, not knowing exactly what to do. As the horse appeared and disappeared, bringing them thirty soldi each time, they began to get the gist.  Upon reaching the cabin, he headed for a well-built timber shed where his horse waited, fed and rested. 

He left thirty soldi on a small stool at the corner of the shed, mounted his horse, and galloped away. 

The Regio county manor was two days away by horse. 

Patton left yesterday, as his carriage would take longer to get there, stops and all, than one man on horseback. 

Janus paused at the base of the mountain. With one whistle his hawk surfaced from the sea of trees to land on his forearm-length glove. 

“You are to find Signor Morandi’s and Patton’s carriage. Follow them without drawing attention to yourself, find me and report to me at dusk. If anything urgent were to happen, come to my side immediately”.

-------------------------

His room at the inn felt quiet despite the muffled sounds from down below, where people chanted and told stories. 

The cool breeze wouldn’t be half-unpleasant if he wasn’t leaning on the ledge of a wide-open window. I also didn’t help that he was in his underwear. Father would certainly scold him for letting himself be seen in his linen undershirt. Some may think he was waiting for some disreputable company. 

It was more hoping than waiting. Also, Janus couldn’t possibly be disreputable. Out of costume, he had no reputation whatsoever. He liked to keep it that way. His real identity had no friend nor foe, in that he found safety. It had been hard to trust each other. Believe a criminal could be good. Let the son of a merchant become a friend, form an opinion of Janus, the original one. A part of him felt so proud, to see him grow, believe him, love him… another part found it sad for people to miss on such a wonderful person. 

Nights like this made him nostalgic. The first floors had tallow candles cast their diffuse glow onto the streets. Cobblestones seemed softened by the warm tint. Darkness rendered malleable to the light. It all made him miss Janus even more. 

The touch of his palm, holding the weight of his lazy head, a poor substitute to Janus’ hand. 

On such a night they had met. How scared he had been! A bit angry too… captivated as well, even if he couldn’t admit it to himself at the time. 

Patton smiled in contemplation. 

He had spotted him right there, sitting out of the adjacent window, ready to jump and make a run for it. 

“Stop! You will get hurt, good sir!” at first he did not realise the true nature of what was happening. 

To think Janus could be harmed by jumping off a window! He knew better now. Balconies were his true weakness. Thankfully, the only balconies he climbed now were his. 

“Oh, I’ll stop at once. Care to join?” Janus said as he pulled a stiletto out of his cape. 

“You are stealing!” 

“I would never!” he feigned indignation.

“Then what is it that you are doing, good sir?”

Oh, Patton could still hear the laugh that had followed, velvety and insincere. It brought a chill up his spine. 

“Stealing, of course”. 

“That is vile!” 

“Is it? You’re all allowed to provide for yourselves by buying fabrics and goods created by others. Am I not doing as you do? Are merchants not thieves? How can you tell a vile man from another? What do you know of this world, dear?” 

“Well… I... I know for certain that the woman in that room, the one you are stealing from, sir, is not wealthy. She may look the part, but that is thanks to heirlooms. Her family has been impoverished for two generations”. 

“Does it make you virtuous to spread the secrets of others? Isn’t gossip frowned upon by those of…” he lifted his gold rosary from under his shirtfront with the tip of his blade “your inclination”. 

“I am merely explaining so you may be persuaded to accept my gold in exchange for returning her possessions”. 

“Why shouldn’t I just take your gold and keep her stuff too?”

“We may be allowed to provide for ourselves in ways others may view as vile, but should we condemn those who cannot on the account of not wanting to express vileness or having no means to? I do not mean to intrude, sir, but the thoughts behind your words betray your stance in this dilemma. You shall find more satisfaction in stealing what you believe was already stolen. A poor woman is not worth your pride, nor ridding you of the chance to make me lose mine”.

Janus frowned as if he didn't expect him to say something like that. Later he would confess to him that what shocked him was hearing him say something smart. It keeps on surprising him whenever he does.

"Quick, hand me your gold and I might consider it". 

"No, sir, I expect you to leave what you have taken first". 

He did try to hide his eagerness. But, how his cape rustled, once inside, betrayed him. What kind of thief was so noisy? He thought to himself. Once they had built trust, Janus explained that he had been quite shaken up by his offering. He neglected to mention the reason why. Patton imagined it was because he found his disposition to put himself in harm’s way for others ridiculous. 

The thief’s half-concealed face emerged from the window. 

"Will three florin do?" Patton asked, pulling his coin bag. 

Janus looked at the rich embroidered fabric almost in awe. If only, for a second. 

“I suppose…” 

“Well, then, there you go, sir”. 

His hands pried the bag open, ready to pull the golden coins. 

“Hmm…” 

“What is the matter?” 

“I could always just go back and get all the stuff”. 

“Is it not enough for you?” he showed him the three pieces of gold in his open palm. 

It was as if he could almost feel him licking his lips. The part of him, dark, often chastised, made him shake and quiver. His knees felt weak, somehow. This hunger in the thief’s eyes, almost akin to wonder, at the sight of gold, as if he had never seen so much before, it made him want to… dear Lord, no!

“To put such a price on mending the error of my ways” he laughed, staring right through him with those green eyes. Patton’s knees threatened to buckle for real.  “It isn’t very much, now, is it?” he leaned forward, and if Patton leaned as well maybe he could… what? Fall from this height for a pretty thief?

“What do you want, then?” 

That had been a first for Janus, Patton was certain. He didn’t quite get his reaction, but, picturing it again some days later he figured the thief was taken aback. 

“Uh… tha-that fancy coin bag of yours will do. Consider me a gentleman, I wouldn’t want to fleece you completely, the first time”. 

“Oh, I’m sure”. 

“Ha”, Janus stared at him in disbelief. 

Patton felt mortified. 

“I-I mean…” 

“Are you always this eloquent or is it just poor skill when it comes to existing?” the sentence did not sound as condescending as it should have, more like borderline flirtatious. 

Words would not come to him. 

“The coin bag, please”. 

His arm moved on his own, careful to avoid touch. It would be a bad idea to give this man a chance to tip him over the ledge. For a moment, he hesitated. This bag had been gifted to him by his father, he had two made for the two of them. It was two of a kind. But… the woman next door’s wellbeing was far more valuable than any piece of fabric. No matter how treasured. 

Janus dangled the bag from his pointer finger, right next to his face. Side-eying his price, he spoke again: 

“Looks like the virtuous are also the most stupid”. 

The thief readied himself to jump. Patton knew he had to say something, because, this moment, it told him he would regret it if he didn’t. 

“It is not about virtue, but goodness”. 

For a moment he thought he had heard him stop breathing. Then, he jumped. Patton jumped in his place as well. He couldn’t help but bring his entire torso out of the window. 

There he was! Running. He had made no noise in his landing. 

Just when he was about to disappear into the shadows, this weird new acquaintance looked at him one last time. 

Back then, Janus vanished for a while. Patton had come to learn that he would always return one way or another. 

Like now. 

A shadow moved, carefully, on the roof tiles at the other side of the street. Patton whistled, trying not to be too loud, not that anyone below would hear him. Knowing it had been spotted, the shadow flew to his side. 

“Hello, big guy”. 

After a rustle of feathers, the hawk landed at his left. 

“Why the grumpy face?” Patton laughed. “I know it’s just your brow feathers.  You’re so handsome” he caressed the top of the bird’s head with one finger. 

“He sent you all the way here. You must be tired. I don’t have any food for you here, but I’m sure I can get you something to drink”. 

Patton poured some water into a basin and carried it to the window, he placed it on the floor. 

“There, it’s supposed to be used to wash your face… I guess you can do that too if you want”.  

The hawk flew inside and drank it all dry. 

“You ought to tell Janus”, he began saying as he bent his knees, “to stop worrying so much. I am okay. I know he is concerned, but it will all be fine. Also, when you get home, ask him when is he going to let me visit, I’d love to go”.

-------------------------

The carriage clattered over the stone pathway. Inside, the curtains were drawn, but a pang of curiosity made it so Patton moved them, ever-so-slightly, aside to take a discrete look. 

Big was an understatement when one tried to describe the Regio manor. It was a three-storey building comprised of a first floor with a rusticated facade that had four small windows on each side, the centre being interrupted by a wide mason staircase presided by a classic structure of pilasters, then followed by an entablature and a pediment with the most ornate of tympanums. He imagined the staircase lead to the primo piano nobile. To both sides of the main entrance were two sets of four architrave windows built in perfect symmetry. Above it all, was the third floor, which mostly mirrored the second, but had a total of ten slightly smaller windows, as there wasn’t another central element to interrupt their flow. 

If this marriage agreement moved forward, one day, this would be technically his. It will be his wife’s, but, as spouses, they are supposed to share it all. Villa Morandi will be hers as well, it was only fair. 

A part of him felt bad for not having had the chance to keep contact with Lady Romina Regio previous to now. How was one supposed to feel when they get no say in who they marry? Father, at least, had asked him. Yes, he risked disappointing him, but, ultimately, the choice was his.  Will this woman, on the account of her status, be allowed such a choice? He feared her parents were the only people who would decide. Father too. Does she even want the father of her fiancé to take this from her? Is it right to deceive themselves like this, to have God bind them when no love is to arise from this union? Is a potential friendship worthy of the sacrament of matrimony? 

Patton knew two things with certainty: he wanted to be a good friend to Lady Romina Regio and he could not sacrifice his feelings for Janus to achieve it. 

They were guided inside by Virginia Fusco, Lady Romina Regio’s personal servant.

The entrance consisted of a corridor, divided into three naves, by two rows of ionic columns made of rose gold marble. Above that, there was a straight ceiling with five rows of twelve coffers, all richly painted with floral and geometric motifs. His boots looked cheap in comparison to the flooring they walked on. Big and polished terracotta tiles in a diamond pattern covered the ground, the corners were clipped to accommodate small white marble accents. 

Once they passed the entrance, this father was led upstairs by another servant, while Virginia instructed him to accompany her elsewhere. 

“I am glad you arrived here safely after leaving Villa Morandi. Has everything been well?”

She stilled for a moment. 

“Uuh… thank you for the kind concern, sir. Things in the house have been… busy due to the news of your engagement to her ladyship” she began walking again. 

“I was asking about you”. 

“Pardon?”

“When I asked, before, I wanted to know if you have been doing well. It must be stressful to be sent back and forth between the palazzo and Villa Morandi during the last weeks, especially being a personal maid to her ladyship, it is uncommon for someone like you to be used as a messenger”. 

“I shall do anything her ladyship requires. Any task”. 

“Oh! Sorry! I did not intend to say you would not”, Patton stopped dead in his tracks. 

Virginia turned around and stared at him in confusion. 

“I… when you first arrived I did not expect her ladyship’s personal servant to be at my home. Her ladyship’s maid is supposed to stay with her, so I thought something bad might have happened… The trip in between is not too long but done enough times it can prove to be energy-consuming”. 

Patton was met with even more confusion from Virginia, so he kept babbling in hopes of fixing his mistake. “Not that you would not be willing to put up with it for her ladyship, I am sure. I did also not mean to assume anything, that is why I asked in the first place, I only meant it kindly…” 

“Sir, it is alright”, she began saying. 

If Patton had not been as worked up with the conversation as he was he may have detected the slightest hint of amusement coming from Virginia. 

“Her ladyship is--”

“Oh! Oh, that too! I did not mean to not inquire about her ladyship’s wellbeing, part of me dared to hope I could meet her today and ask her in person…” 

“Sir, please, follow me. I am afraid we cannot keep the person I am taking you to waiting, you see, her ladyship finds it upsetting”. 

Patton laughed. 

It caught Virginia off guard. People were not supposed to behave so… openly within these walls. At least she wasn’t used to it. 

“You must excuse this man’s oblivious nature, I should have realised where you were taking me earlier”. 

“Sir, I am undeserving of your apologies. But, if we keep stalling, her ladyship will require one”. 

“Of course, lead the way”.

-------------------------

His horse reached the palazzo just in time to see the Morandi’s carriage passing by. 

Unlike his dear Patton, he did not have an invitation. Sneaking past the guards, an easy task if you asked him, had to suffice. 

The place was huge, it was to be expected from such a family. Janus couldn’t care less for the grandeur, not when he couldn’t get his hands on it, and that wasn’t the reason why he had come there. 

It would seem the Regio had it going on. The palazzo was relatively new, built, at most, fifty years ago. If you checked the list, all of the items relating to appearance did justice to the status of the family. Looking closely though… 

There were only two boys and an old man tending to the gardens. Gardens as big as everything else, mind you. So, clearly, they were understaffed. Which was precisely why Janus had been able to hide between a set of unkempt bushes to change into today’s costume. As long as he managed to avoid getting any leaves of brunches stuck, it would all be fine. 

Back to the Regio, though. If one was as much of an expert at judging other people’s wealth as Janus was, save that one time with a woman at an inn, it became obvious that the counts were missing on the money. Firstly, the manor had been built recently, but most certainly not after the war. Secondly, the guards were as many as one would expect, but not as… on guard -curse Patton’s sense of humour- as they should. This just told him they weren’t being paid that much. Then was the matter of understaffing. 

And, of course, Patton’s presence here. 

Janus had not forgotten Signor Morandi’s words. Patton could only afford to marry a countess because the Regio could not afford anyone less wealthy. 

The clothes were on and he was inside the house. 

Why did these people never put any sort of vigilance at the servant’s entrances? It never occurred to them that even if people wouldn’t steal their laundry, perhaps they would get in with the laundry. Pathetic. 

It made his life easier, though. 

He was in. 

He was in and he was going to… what? 

For starters try to find any dirt on Patton’s dear future wife. Maybe any belongings that could give him some leverage. Just to be safe. 

Janus knew Patton would keep his word, even if it destroyed him, and it would. Nobles always wanted offspring. Janus just wasn’t sure if Patton would be up for the task when someone did not have his pretty eyes and his masculine figure. 

Causing troubles for his beloved was the last thing he wanted. But, if it came to it, Janus would do anything. Whether that meant creating accidents, blackmailing or appointing a convenient kidnapping during a wedding night. 

He went up the servant’s stairs and reached a second-floor gallery, open to the courtyard below. 

Just when he was about to leave, his ears caught some hushed shouting coming from above.

-------------------------

“How could she do this to me!?” 

Romina stormed the third-floor corridor, without any bearing nor destination. 

“Your ladyship, please, we must go back!” Virginia ran behind her, speaking between her teeth. 

“Did you see him, Virg?”

“Yes, I did, your ladyship”. 

“I-- this is outrageous!” 

“I beg you, can we not have this conversation here, your ladyship?” 

Despite Virginia kindly pointing out that the third-floor gallery was hardly an appropriate location for such or any kind of discussion, Romina did not heed her request. 

“I was going to become a princess! And because of this, I am deprived of royalty! Because my sister fancies herself a man!” 

“For the love of…, you know what, no. I am tired of this. She dresses like a man, she talks like a man, she looks like a man and she feels like one. In which way is she, no, he, not a man?” 

Romina grimaced at her own words. Still, she was far too angry to let go of her resentment. 

“In the fact that he has no honour. He lied to me, several times. First by promising we’ll stay together. Then he did not care to tell me I had a brother, didn’t even trust me for that, and now he has abandoned me. And what for? He saw that pretty ‘scientist’ or whatever he calls himself and decided to follow him to the end of the world. How come he gets to be a pirate when I have to become a wife?!”

“Romina, please, shut your big mouth before anyone overhears us” Virginia warned. 

“So now I must be quiet!”

“Yes! For your sake, you dumbass”. 

“Well, I will not be quiet, you… you sonnetist of elegies!” 

“That’s not even a--” Virginia placed her hand on the bridge of her nose. 

As if to make her point clearer, Romina kept walking into the gallery. 

“I don’t care! You know why? Because now I have to replace him in a destiny none of us wanted, but at least he had been prepared for! What am I going to do?” 

“How about you begin by coming back--” 

“He leaves me like this, to be mocked and compared to him,--” 

“Oh Lord, why do I even bother--”

“--who ran away. How could he be so selfish!? Let me ask you this instead, how can a man surrender his word and his honour so readily?”

Then, Virginia stilled completely. 

She didn’t know whether she felt angry or deeply saddened.

“What wouldn’t any of us do to seize the freedom that we have forever been denied? And, who wouldn’t cast away honour to be free and loved? Can’t you identify with that, or are you a liar too?”

“I…”

“Is it Remus who you’re angry at?” 

“It doesn’t matter what I think. I am still going to have to get married to some random person--!”

“Oh, shut up! At least he’s nice! Do you know what he did when he met me? Because he came to personally receive me, you see. He asked for my name! Not only that, but he remembers it. Just when I was taking him to see you, he asked me how had I been! Have you any idea how many people do that? You are so privileged you cannot get your head out of your stuck-up ass, Princess. Nobody ever cares how people like me are doing!” 

“Oh, so that is what this is about! Well, sorry I can’t pepper you with attention every waking moment, love--” 

“Fuck off, I already know that, stop making this about you!” 

“But it is about me!”

“You’re so lucky you get to marry a kind man! Any other person would just use his status to be a self-righteous narcissistic asshole, yes, Princess, like you, but not young Signor Morandi so quit mopping!” 

“Well, if you like him so much, then why don’t you marry him instead?!” 

Her hands gripped her apron tightly. Virginia could not bear her gaze at the moment. She bit her lip as if that could help her to cope with the backlash at the sheer stupidity of Romina’s words. 

“I am sorry”. 

“You… at least you’re… hmm…” she took a deep breath. In part to give herself time to consider what to say carefully, but, also, to calm down. “Male-inclined. I… your ladyship, if I did not serve you I fear I would only be any good left in a nunnery. You must understand, if I could choose who to marry, well, kind and considerate is not much of my type, as you must be aware. Neither is Signor Morandi”. 

“If…” 

Romina returned to her side. 

Her hands, littered with all sorts of rings, made Virginia’s hands give up on holding the apron. The labour-stained pair were squeezed safely. 

“Please, please look at me”. 

The request made Virginia want to refuse. But, aside from her position, these were the kind of situations in which Virginia could not deny Romina. 

“If I could choose who to marry, it would be one who would make me a princess, not on the account of status, but with word… if you know what I mean”. 

Virginia rolled her eyes. 

“The only one that dense here is you”. 

“The mouth on you. I am going to have to keep you by my side”, she paused for a second and then whispered, “my love”. 

Her gaze was most intense upon hearing that. The pair of dark brown eyes opening in a way that could be described as feline. 

“No nunnery could be at your level when it comes to sarcasm and bossing other women around. I, at the very least, can hold my ground for longer until you get me to do your bid--”

Finally, Romina was quiet. 

Virginia gripped her shoulders, squeezing the puffs of her dress’ sleeves, with the tips of her fingers touching against the golden netting that covered Romina’s chest. It was as if she was trying to drink the life out of those lips. Her very being was buzzing with want and anger. 

The bejewelled woman became pliant, yet passionate, under the touch. Bravery, whenever it surfaced in Virginia, was something to behold. Even more of a thing to experience. 

“Fuck” Virginia covered her mouth with her hands as she abruptly parted. 

“Likewise. Oh, I feel dizzy” she smiled. 

“No, not that way. I… shit… I just did...that! And here!”

“Now, now”, Romina grasped her hands. 

She caressed the base of Virginia’s thumbs with a devoted look. 

“Ro…”

“No reason to panic, my nightly gale”. 

“Well, I wouldn’t be so sure about that” a voice came from the other side of the gallery.

-------------------------

The room was quiet. 

No. 

The room was completely silent and Patton had no idea what had gone wrong. He never intended to say something that could harm anyone’s sensitivities. It just never occurred to him that someone could be offended by a pun about the weather. 

This first attempt at friendship had not been… great. 

His father would certainly laugh at Lady Romina Regio’s decision to storm out of the room upon hearing a silly joke. He would make nothing of it. He’d say womanly outbursts were to be expected. Darn it, most people would say so.

Ignoring it would be simple. 

Patton could not ignore it. 

Firstly, it became clear to him that her ladyship had no say in her marrying him. Not only that, but she might feel strongly against it. Secondly, and most important, he intended to build a friendship with her. 

Considering the circumstances, the best he could do would be to find her and speak from the heart. If he explained to her that he meant no ill by making a joke, or to be insensitive by indulging in frivolities in the face of such a serious matter as their first meeting, she might feel better. And, if she still refused him, he could offer to call the entire thing off. 

Except that would be a terrible idea. Her family needed the money and going back on his choice would make her chances even more difficult. But, maybe, she wanted that. Her reaction pointed to it. Father would be very disappointed, the last thing Patton wanted was to be a bad son. But wasn’t it worse to force a woman into a marriage? Also, Janus. He’d be free to remain with him for longer. 

What was he going to do? He didn’t know what the right answer to this was.  

Talking to her. Patton could start by doing that, but first, he needed to find her.

-------------------------

This wasn’t the kind of dirt he had expected to find, but only a moron would look a gift horse in the mouth right now.

The servant girl’s passion came out of nowhere. He almost wanted to take notes. 

“No reason to panic, my nightly gale”, said the countess, still entranced at the sight of her maid’s hands. 

She had just given him his cue, so Janus could not help but oblige. 

“Well, I wouldn’t be so sure about that”, he said leaving his hiding spot. 

Instantly, they turned to look at him. The countess let go of the other’s hands in a jolt. Her demeanour changed in a second. So, not only was she a countess, but also a terrific actress. 

“Oh! Good day sir! Are you, by any chance, lost? My servant can…” she looked at the aforementioned. 

Her maid was having none of it. She eyed him suspiciously, ignoring how her mistress’ body language asked her to calm down. 

“Were you coming to see his lordship? I am afraid he is busy at the moment”. 

“Oh, well yes. I was sent by Marquess Sanders to inquire about a series of matters relating to war expenses” he said as he took off his cape. 

By revealing his outfit he hoped to gain some credibility. Looking rich always got people off your back. Especially when you carried a sword. 

The countess’ eyes lit up in recognition of his dusack. Dusacks were one of the main weapons sent by Marquess Sanders during the war, this one so happened to also have the family crest attached to the scabbard. 

Normally, he would have covered it to avoid getting Thomas into trouble. 

“Well, in that case--” Romina began to say. 

“Excuse me, sir, but I am sure her ladyship would first like to see the letters that his lordship always has his people carry”. 

“Is your maid often allowed to talk over you, your ladyship?” 

“I...uh…” Romina looked at her maid for help. 

“Well, that is to be expected, as she is allowed to do much more than that, is she not?” 

The maid squinted at him. 

“Oh, that thing? It was a… a token of friendship!” the countess proudly proclaimed. 

While she may be a fantastic actress, she surely was a terrible liar. The maid scoffed in the way Janus could not, whether it was due to hearing her lover say something that ridiculous or because of the awful lie he could not tell. 

“If that is how I treated all my friends I am certain my lovers would be confused”. 

Both women caught their breaths. 

“I would, of course, not be so indiscreet as to say anything, for a price, that is”. 

“What is it that you want?” 

“I’ve heard you are soon to be married--” 

The maid looked at him even more intensely, and then…

“Your ladyship, this man is deceiving you”. 

“Yeah, I can tell, we were just discussing--”

“You dense ass, not now, all the time! His money bag over there, it’s Signor Morandi’s!” 

Oh, fuck. 

Well, it couldn’t be helped. 

Janus unsheathed his sword and pointed it to the maid’s neck. 

“I suggest we keep this matter quiet, or else I’ll have to keep it quiet forever”.

-------------------------

Patton’s efforts to find Lady Romina Regio or her servant, Virginia, had not been successful so far. He had explored the main areas of the house, now finding himself at the first-floor courtyard. 

The smells coming from the kitchen, where the staff worked in their earnest to prepare tonight’s dinner, danced in the air. Patton sat at a stone bench, wondering what else he could do. His only chance would be waiting until both families dined together. He’d wish to apologise to her ladyship before that, so they could indulge in the dishes without any looming over. 

Then, the faint sound of a voice coming from above called his attention. 

It was barely hearable due to the clankings of nearby cooking. But there was no way he wouldn’t recognise it. 

“I would... be so indiscreet … price...” Patton could make out. 

Indeed, it was Janus’ voice. If that and the words ‘indiscreet’ and ‘price’ were anything to go by, he was blackmailing someone. 

Her ladyship was nowhere to be found and Janus was being Janus nearby. It didn’t take too much to put two and two together. 

Patton moved around the courtyard while staring upwards. 

There they were! He only had to find a way to…

Oh no. 

Janus was pointing his sword to Virginia’s neck. 

Before Patton could realise what he was doing, his feet were already running upstairs.

-------------------------

This would have been a great time for both of them to bail, hadn’t a sword been pointed at her. But, that's life. Some days you wake up next to your lover in her chambers with a deep feeling of dread over, well, everything; other days you are about to get basically beheaded, what can you do. 

For starters, Virginia was going to fight, because she didn’t feel particularly inspired to think at the moment. 

“Please, do not hurt her, I beg you”, Romina said. 

Wonderful. Virginia was either about to get hurt or be very lucky on her own accord. 

She quickly leaned back and ducked, taking advantage of the man’s attention being redirected at Romina’s plea. 

Definitely, she was getting hurt, not lucky, as the sword fell down on her with a swift swoop. 

That was it. 

Then, Romina pulled another sword from the pocket opening of her dress, crossing blades with the thief, but, most importantly, saving her life. She was going to be really cocky about it, if they made it out in one piece. 

“Well, this was a lovely surprise”, the thief said as Romina and he circled each other, edges sliding in a sharp sound, “but if you don’t give it up, you’ll end up maimed and, after that, let’s say… your maid may take a nudge downstairs”. 

Romina slid the sword away and twirled it back to strike. The thief had enough reflexes to put his dusack across his face before it got cut in half. 

A strong clank echoed all over the gallery and the courtyard below. 

“You foul fiend! You may be brave enough to threaten me, but your overconfidence in thinking you can get away--” she struck again, “with endangering her--” Romina turned them, making it so Virginia was behind her, as if to underline her words, “shall be your downfall”. 

“Thank you for enlightening me, your highness” the thief began to say. 

He overpowered Romina by twisting their swords. She collided against Virginia’s chest after the villain shoved her away. 

“This has, clearly, proved how friendly you are. By all means, tell me, are you also willing to die for all of your friends?” 

His next move was more successful now that he had gained more range of attack. The thief plunged forward in a piercing motion. Romina stopped it with a backhanded sweep, then turned on herself, making it so his blade pointed to the ground. 

“I would die for her, any day”. 

Virginia did not have the right to feel as flustered as she did, not when they were in mortal danger. Somehow, Romina’s best romantic lines happened whenever she did not speak them directly to her. Seeing her look that fierce when fighting may also factor into it. Why did Princess always have to be so intense?

“Is this a confession? Scandalous!” 

“It is a promise”. 

There was a delicate balance between each other for a moment. Their eyes locked in a stare. 

It was so strange, Virginia thought. This man keeps on threatening them, but he hesitates. What was holding him back? Also, why steal a coin bag when you plan on blackmailing someone? Yes, it had to be planned, otherwise, the marquess lie made no sense, too much preparation involved for that to be a coincidence. Could he actually be sent by the marquess? But, why? The Regio and the marquess had had a wonderful relationship over the years. 

Something didn’t fit. 

The thief moved ever so slightly. Romina, clearly, wasn’t taking any chances.

In a display of quick reflexes, she side-kicked him on the chest, making him stumble backwards. 

While the thief struggled to regain his footing, Romina sliced through the cord keeping Signor Morandi’s coin bag attached to his waist. She smiled playfully. 

“For someone so smug, you are surely a clumsy opponent”. 

“I’ll give you clumsy” he replied stepping forward and thrusting with the sword. 

Romina blocked his attack effortlessly, but, soon, Virginia realised that wasn’t the thief’s intention. His right foot was just in front of the bag, ready to move it towards him like a hook. 

“Ro, the bag!” Virginia warned. 

She looked down and smirked. 

“This the price of greed”, Romina mocked as her sword turned to strike the thief’s right leg. 

The dusack crossed blades, again, with Romina’s before it could do any damage. 

“Your willingness to lose a leg over some gold only proves the worth of your lot”.  

He leaned closer to Romina, looking at her in the eye as he twisted their swords to get the upper hand. 

“You know nothing about me or what I stand for”, he said in a deep and menacing voice. 

Romina laughed in between her teeth. 

“I may not, but I know one thing”. 

“Oh, and what is that?”

“You just got distracted”. 

Romina’s foot slipped past the thief’s, kicking the coin bag away from him. He ran to his left while blocking Romina’s attacks at his right. 

What was so special about a coin bag anyway?

-------------------------

Patton began to hear sword fighting noises just before he reached the entrance to the stairs. 

What was Janus thinking? Engaging in a face-off with Lady Romina Regio, who not only was a countess with an apparent disdain for weather puns but also a remarkable swordswoman, had to be one of his worst ideas to date. 

While he had faith in Janus’ skills, he also knew that her ladyship’s fencing instructor had been fired, as a lesson, after she stabbed a man on the shoulder during a ‘casual’ duel.

-------------------------

The coin bag was kicked and pushed from one place to another by the thief and Romina while they dodged attacks.

“Is it the gold you are fighting for or is it your pride, villain?” she said, smirk reflecting on her blade. 

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you not to project your desires onto others? So honourable protecting her frail maiden!”, he pushed forward. “Still… it would almost seem, not because of the self-indulging banter, that you only duel to flatter yourself”.

“The one who is so set in getting a stolen coin bag dares to lecture me on selfishness!” 

Romina used her weight to stop him from making her retrocede any further. Her grin widened, satisfied in this victory. 

“Takes one egoist to know one”.

Right then, the thief made a sudden move. 

“Romina!” Virginia exclaimed. 

“I’m fine!” she said, wiping the bleeding cut on her jaw. 

The thief looked at the prized coin bag that he now held in his hand. 

“Loved beating you, but I think I will take my lea--” 

He was interrupted by Romina’s scream. Her sword wooshed several times in front of his face, barely leaving him time to bend backwards to avoid it. The dusack clancked against the floor. 

“Shit” the thief cursed. 

Things looked dire for the thief. With his sword out of reach, there was little he could do. Romina’s sword flashed by one more time, slashing through his left upper arm. Despite the painful burn of the cut, his left hand did not let go of the coin bag. Nevertheless, he fell on his knee, clutching the wound with his free hand. 

“I will make you an offering, villain”, Romina pointed at him with the sword, gloating over his tilted gaze. “Return Signor Morandi’s coin bag to me, and I shall let you go”. 

“Your ladyship, kindly get stabbed in the chest”. 

She turned his back on him, twirling her sword while at it. 

“As you wish”. 

Time froze before Romina could even think about delivering the killing blow. 

Virginia saw the thief reach for his boot, pulling out a stiletto. He stood up and positioned his knife pointing upwards. Because of this, Virginia panicked, already imagining the tip breaking through Romina’s lower back and into her chest. 

Immediately, she ran in front of the thief, head empty of thoughts, only consuming fear. At the same time, the thief began a descending motion, making Virginia realise where he aimed for. 

‘He’s going for her leg!’, Virginia thought. 

This would not help. When they crossed, the thief’s knife was at the height of Virginia’s gut. 

Virginia looked at him in terror. 

The thief looked at Virginia in panic. 

The fabrics of Romina’s dress could be heard twisting in the air, as she turned around, only to see the back of Virginia’s head. 

“No!” Romina cried. 

In yet another display of quick reflexes, the thief let go of the stiletto, just before it could do any damage. 

Romina only heard the blade fall as she shoved Virginia aside. 

She punched him on the left cheek, leaving the outline of her rings imprinted on his skin, red and slowly swelling. 

The thief’s boots staggered backwards. 

He fell face up in the middle of the gallery corridor. 

Faster than ever, Romina’s sword moved and settled its tip at the base of the thief’s neck, sort of mirroring how he had threatened Virginia. 

Virginia brazed herself against the wall. Her breathing heaved like the bellows trying to get the fire back up. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw young Signor Morandi emerging from the path that connected to one of the third-floor staircases. 

“Please, do not hurt him, I beg you”, he said while catching his breath. 

Romina looked upwards to stare at him. 

“What is the meaning of this?! Do you know this man? Did you send him?!”

Sometimes, Romina could outmatch Virginia when it came to reaching conclusions. This just so happened to be the worst possible moment. 

“I--” 

Only Virginia saw how the eyes of the thief went wide at hearing young Signor Morandi’s voice, his frown when Romina accused him. 

“Look at me!” the thief shouted. 

“Trying to protect your master, villain?” 

“That is not quite… this is a complete misunderstanding, if we talked--” young Signor Morandi began to say. 

“Shut up!” both Romina and the thief replied in unison. 

“Stop talking nonsense, your highness”. 

“Oh, so it is nonsense! He seems to know you, how do you explain that?” 

Virginia squinted at them, getting the sense that she was missing something more than ever. 

“Janus, please, let me tell them the--” 

“We now have a name for our thief!” she announced triumphantly. “So you do know each other! Let me tell you, Jolliest Caesar, he has betrayed you. Whatever you paid him seemed to be less than enough, so he stole your father’s coin bag”. 

Young Signor Morandi’s eyes went straight to said item, lighting up in recognition and some other emotion much harder to identify. 

“Is this the outcome you desired? I thought you were silly, I was... persuaded to believe you were kind. But, this? Do you owe your father so much disrespect?” 

He grimaced in response, looking away. Meanwhile, Janus pursed his lips in a thin line. 

‘Why does it matter to him?’, Virginia wondered. 

“Signor Morandi is an upright man, someone who carries himself proud and virtuous. I will not insult him by denouncing you to my family, but I hope you learn to have--” 

“Oh, poor and noble Signor Morandi! Rid of a coin bag, whatever will he do?!” Janus shouted.  

The gazes of all people present turned to him.

“It’s not as if he could buy another. Are we to pity him?! He is so good! You defend what you think to be the property of a man who would gladly pull any pair of lovers apart. Gift his son to a stack of classist swine in exchange for a title! What an estimate of his worth!”

One could almost marvel at him having the nerve to spit his anger even under the point of a blade. Romina frowned, taken aback.  

“But he’s so upright! Admit it, you couldn’t care any less about this ridiculous coin bag, you just want to use it as an excuse to keep your affair with your servant hidden. Am I the one you wish to kill or does it make you feel less powerless to pretend you’re stabbing another man? None of us gets a choice”.

Young Signor Morandi held his breath. 

Virginia let hers out. That was it! Of course! How could she not have realized earlier?

“Spilling my blood won’t change that! I may not be good, but I can at least see through the lies, and you aren’t good either. You’re as selfish as I am and you won’t get to keep her, we never do”. 

“What?” Romina answered. 

She looked at Virginia, then at young Signor Morandi, then back at him. 

“Are you seriously doing this? I could make these your last words! What is wrong with you! This is madness. I am about to die” she began to mock him, “let me make this moment into a speech about society and another man’s stolen money. Who does that? I know I am dramatic, but, at the very least--!” 

“Princess, shut up!” Virginia shouted. 

“Excuse me, I was only trying to give some fair critic--”

“Not the time. Also, you are completely missing the point! 

“What do you mean?”

“Do you know how we always talk after dinner?” 

“That is not what we do after…”

“Yes”. 

“So what is your point? Oooooh!” 

“Now you get it…” she closed her eyes. 

“They also talk…” Romina smiled.

“Hmm”. 

“And he is actually…!” she pointed back and forth between the two with her sword. “They are…!”

“We are, and if you would” Janus flattened himself against the floor. 

“Your ladyship, please, my Janus has had enough of sharp objects for…” young Signor Morandi looked at him. 

“For forever, put the sword away”. 

Romina did as requested and promptly offered a hand to help Janus get on his feet. 

“You are one menace of a woman”. 

“Thank you”. 

“What is going on?!” 

A large set of rushed footsteps accompanied the question. The four turned around to see his lordship, Count Regio, his wife, Signor Morandi and a myriad of servants. 

“Oh, father, mother!” Romina exclaimed. “Signor Morandi”, she greeted more formally. 

“Romina, what is the meaning of this?” said Count Regio. 

“Your lordship, your ladyship”, Janus spoke after a bow. “I was sent by Marquess Sanders”. 

Romina turned to look at him. His attire was mostly back in place, a part of her couldn’t help but be impressed. After spotting the family crest on Janus’ dusack, the counts’ expression changed from confusion to shame. 

“Romina, did you duel this man? Apologise this instant!” Count Regio looked livid as he spoke. “We already had to be rid of her fencing teacher, do not worry, Signor Morandi, we will also dispose of her swords”, Countess Regio reassured. 

In the scandal, Virginia was the only one to notice the coin bag forgotten on the floor. She stepped to the side, knowing no one would pay attention to her, as per usual, especially with such chaos. The coin bag disappeared under Virginia’s skirts, dragged by her foot. Young Signor Morandi walked past her and nodded in a silent gesture of gratitude. Perhaps one person did notice. 

“Your ladyship, that will not be necessary, I come as a new fencing teacher, an early engagement present of Marquess Sanders”. 

“But how did he know…” Virginia muttered. 

Janus did hear her and went on: 

“He was very impressed by the letters sent by your daughter. Marquess Sanders believes that someone with such impeccable diplomacy, and a disposition to secure the future relationship of her family, should not be deprived of outstandingness. To preserve such remarkable, dare I say, rare, qualities on a lady, he sent me. Marquess Sanders hopes my instruction can further her skills and aid her to grow more accomplished than ever before”. 

“Oh, that is fantastic to hear!” Count Regio said, looking a lot more uncomfortable than her tone would suggest. “But, Lady Romina, as you already are aware of, is engaged now. We ought to hear young Signor Morandi’s opinion on the matter”.

-------------------------

All eyes turned to Patton. 

“Actually…” 

For a moment, he doubted himself. 

Lying, as he had always been told, was sinful. But so was ignoring the struggle of the weak, breaking your word and not honouring one’s spouse. 

Most importantly, Patton had to honour his heart. 

If lying was the price to pay… well, so be it. 

“I asked her for a demonstration. I have always harboured a burning admiration for her dexterity with the sword. Her ladyship is truly heroic and radiant when duelling”. 

Romina turned to look at him.

It would seem he had managed to become friends with her after all.  

-------------------------

The moonlight shone in its quiet dance with the nightly air. This was, once again, a clear summer evening, but it marked the end of an insane day. The sounds of dining and chatting had died out. Everyone, gradually, left for their rooms. Janus, crossing the gardens, intended to do the same. 

Climbing with a wounded arm made his ascend harder than usual. Luckily, the ostentatious facade of the palazzo gave him countless points to anchor himself to. Slowly but surely, he got to Patton’s open window. 

 As what felt like always, Patton held him by the lapels of his cape and pulled him inside. 

Rather than saying hello, Patton kissed him. It was gentle, devoid of the despair that had marked all their meetings during the last weeks. Patton pulled apart just as softly. 

“Here”. 

Janus stared at the coin bag in his hand and smirked. 

“Dear, if you keep on offering me your money you’ll turn into the worst noble ever, and I, the worst thief”, he said with no real smugness. 

Patton laughed. 

“Virginia retrieved it when nobody looked”. 

“I’ll remember to thank her”. 

“Please, be nice this time”. 

“You saw that?” 

“Yes. Janus, pointing at someone with… that thing… don’t do it again”. 

Janus shrugged and leaned in to kiss him again. A pair of hands pulled on his cape, that fell on the floor, forgotten. 

“I don’t think” Janus half-laughed, “I could get away with it again”. 

His bandages were fresh. The bleeding had stopped, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. Patton stared at it and furrowed his eyebrows. 

“I could have lost you today”. 

“You saved me again”. 

“Well, that isn’t entirely true”. 

“Oh, why would that be?” 

“You managed to stand your ground until I could save you”. 

“Call it good timing”. 

Patton smiled. 

“What’s so funny?” Janus smiled as well. 

“I’m happy. We… we are going to be together after this. I even gained two friends”. 

“You keep meeting the strangest people, dear”. 

“I’ll have to make sure that you kids don’t get hurt”. 

“We’ll try to be in our best behaviour”. 

Patton got closer and whispered:

“Liar”. 

Janus swallowed and stared at him, suddenly feeling defeated, yet happy about it. He loosened his belt, letting it fall to the floor with his dusack. 

It made an awful lot of noise. Patton looked down, almost in disbelief at Janus’ newfound capacity to make a sound. 

“Hmm. Where did you really get that sword? Romina could get in serious trouble if…”

“Don’t worry, Thomas won’t mind covering for me”. 

“Thomas? You know the marquess?” 

“Let us sit on the bed, I think that you deserve to know this secret”. 

Both of them got comfortable on the ridiculous wall of pillows placed against the headboard of the canopy bed. 

“I used to work for the Sanders family. Ever since I was a boy, I tended to the horses, which is how Thomas and I became friends in the first place. As we grew, he decided to make me his personal servant, and, aside from learning to lie as easy as speaking, I also learned I hate rich people. Thomas is okay though. I think you and Thomas are the only rich people I tolerate”. 

“Well, that’s rich”. 

“Patton! I’m telling you my tragic story!” he said, not at all bothered. “Anyhow, I decided that wasn’t for me, so I told Thomas. He was sad, but he respected it. Before I left, he gave me his own sword, I guess as a safe-conduct of sorts, maybe to remind me I could always come back”. 

“That is… a lot”. 

“I know. He’s a good friend. Believe it or not, I’ve never used it until today. I… couldn’t let you get caught in any of my… shall we say, activities, so I figured…” 

Patton grabbed him, mindful of his wounds, and pulled him close. 

“You need to let other people in, Janus. I know I’m kind of silly, but I can still help. I wish you could see that when you let people know you they want to be on your side. You are someone worth knowing”. 

“And you are more of a bastard than people give you credit for”. 

His laughter made them shake a little. Janus stared at Patton’s joyful expression feeling satisfied. 

“I guess I am”. 

“Pity you don’t want to do anything wicked with it”. 

“I’ll leave that to you, just, tell me beforehand”. 

“How else would I be saved last minute, dear?” 

They stared at each other for a while. It hadn’t fully hit Janus until now that this, this thing right now, would be his life from now on. Thinking that, perhaps the world wasn’t as cruel as he had always made it to be. 

“You are so good”. 

Patton kissed him again. 

“Only when nobody’s looking”. 

“Jan, name’s Patton, not nobody”. 

“You think you’re so funny”. 

“Am I not, when I make you smile like this?”

-------------------------

Taglist: @joylessnightsky , (the following interacted with my tagging request post, so I assumed you wanted to be tagged, if not, please tell me) @jerasings , @daemoade , @grandhairdofarmgoop . 

[kamil-a]

what is this, some kind of ~SaFe SpAcE~? thoughts on hnkna and escapism.

Disclaimer, first off: i dont really know the sort of 00′s Japanese dating sim fandom culture hnkna was responding to and born as part of. So, much like people’s takes on the original Alice in Wonderland, this is mainly an emotional response based on how it relates to things i do have experience with.

The second disclaimer is that this is more emotionally driven than written by any sort of strict literary acedemicness.

the third is i’ve finished only two of the available routes so far (and wrote this before that, even.)

I’m almost certain I finally started playing hnkna because something in boyfriend dungeon (no, not that part) upset me so much I wanted to take a break and play something else. so with that game fresh on people’s minds, it became a thing jokingly brought up a lot by me and my friends at first- bfd wants its players to be comfortable, hnkna does not. bfd got in trouble for insufficient warnings for some fairly light (in terms of the genre lol) stalking, hnkna hits the pov character with a mandatory nonconsensual kiss/force feeding within the first, like, hour, and if you’re not lucky enough to have a friend who’d played it first warn you, too bad. there are no warnings in hnkna- not for content, and not even when you’re about to make a permanent decision (like where to move).

hnkna is about escapism, in a very literal sense. im fascinated with how the framing of a game within a game allows the characters to talk very frankly about realworld, human experiences with fiction (yeah, guys, why do we crave the fantasy of a dating sim?) without turning to fourth-wall-breaking tropes, not that it’d seem tired yet when the game came out. nightmare, your dream demon/isekai coordinator/therapist/meta guide/pathetic little caterpillar man, brings up a lot of these conversations. alice, are you afraid of being loved?

there’s two real layers of escapism in wonderland, and in my opinion they map really well onto real-world escapism types. the first being

wonderland 

wonderland is somewhere alice can go that allows her to get away from the pain and grief of her sister’s death. she carries some history with her- her mother’s death, for example, and the subconscious knowledge of her sister’s death as she idolizes her in a way she later says is reserved for the dead- but the things she can’t bring herself to think about just aren’t there. she can focus on new people, a new job, being a productive and active member of her new society. it’s a lot like media and fandom escapism in real life- a community you can bond with and forget your troubles for a bit.

but wonderland is not safe - only a safe escape from her former problems. wonderland is a very dangerous place where everyone is in conflict all the time forever (also like fandom). and, this is probably totally unintentional by the text, but i do find it really interesting how some of the most popularly complained about dangers in fandom content- content that romanticizes sexual assault, incest, and pedophilia - is all right there in wonderland (i know the tweedles are Technically Not Kids etc but like.... the doylist level of it yknow). so alice escapes to wonderland for the same underlying reason many of us escape to fandom, and finds an exaggerated, over the top version of the same issues anybody deeply online will run into.

living in wonderland also, as alice points out many times, means abandoning those who rely on her at home. (the donating to ao3 instead of those in need argument, if you will.)

dreams

the second safe space in hnkna is alice’s dreams, and this one is truly safe. nobody can hurt alice in her dreams in any real way, and she probably can’t hurt nightmare either. if she wanted for whatever reason to dream about doing a bunch of awful violence to a field of cute little bunnies, she probably could, with no real consequence. at one point, after she accidentally dreams up some sea monsters, nightmare even makes the dream space an area where her own subconscious can’t project anything that can hurt her. dreams are a space for alice to have all the control and do anything she wants. she has ultimate control, and...... she can’t relax. she gets nervous when details aren’t quite right, like turtles in a lake when they should be in the sea. she can’t let go and just mentally throw spaghetti at the wall.

(i will point out here what a friend of mine suggested - it’s catholic guilt. shes just christian, is all. which didn’t occur to me but it honestly might be the answer plain and simple.)

i think - and it could just be me - that it feels very uncomfortable to have a thought you shouldn’t share. if you’ve had a thought- and it’s not bad, right, you’re not bad - so your thought can’t be bad- so why not share it? and if you’ve thought something you really must not say- well, then, it’s a bad thought, and it kind of sucks that you even thought it.

now, i haven’t gone through all of the game just yet, but here’s something im starting to get the feeling about - it’s stance is ‘ppl do things that suck and that’s okay’. alice values her relationship with vivaldi more than the lives of the people vivaldi murders- and she feels bad about it, but she knows she’s not going to change, and all there is to do is sit with it. i haven’t gotten a stay ending yet, but my guess is it’ll be more of the same (hi, it's future me! I've seen Vivaldi's staying in wonderland ending. nothing huge to add, just that I've seen it). yes, i’m repressing my grief forever and abandoning the rest of my living family, my friends, etc - but this works for me right now, and i don’t have it in me to stop. in the real world, a lot of content online will have some utterly heinous shit in it- and this will continue forever and there’s nothing you can do about it, because its authors will not listen to you for whatever reason (they do not speak your language, they wrote it at least ten years ago, they see no reason to listen to some nerd whos name they do not know, etc). fandom will eclipse my real life responsibilities- and i can’t bring myself to stop. you sit with the guilt and then you move on. it’s not healthy, but it works in the moment, and what is life but a collection of moments you need to make work? it’s not condemning or praising, just... neutral. it’s a thing that people do.

[misterbitches]

Dude yong jie’s character is literally unbearable this is like how not to write a vharacter 101

Our first intro to him is stalking, then PUNCHING someone in the LIVER bc the person he “loves” was fucking drunk and he blames his best friend? Then his mom is like “lmao actually um hes psycho” so anything they try to do retroactively like how they peppered in HIS DAD DIED A BLOO BLOO but previously it was also his OWN MOM going “im afraid he’ll lose his humanity” so not only was there no breathing room then it’s bumrushing him into their lives as best friends and it doesnt work. This dude sucks and he isnt even fun to watch. You know how breaking bad has one of the most abysmal main characters of all time but all of us were fucking ENGROSSED but the show made it clear that every enemy he faces, even the DEA, we want THEM to win (it is also a class analysis but woreva) so i am like wtf they show us literally nothing here. He’s just there. Wasting space and being awful. What is the purpose of his character in ssu’s life? Once you rape someone it is fucking over full stop but he didnt even fucking manage to start off in any compelling fucking way. Absolutely bonkers dude Esp bc theres at least a base moral code ie DONT HARRASS GIRLS UR “INTO” and thats why mei fang the absolute mad lad beaut was like “lmao nah i hate u”

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo?????????????????????????????????? WHERE IS THE WRITING HERE? WHAT IS THE SCRIPT? awhat is the PROGRESSION? This is such an insanely fucking dumb plo5 point i rly cannnnjnnntoeiwijshsgsgsgsgsgsgeggwiwowiw GORL

Lets talk abt the good things in the characters (theres none for yong jie hes just there being a little bitch)

Li cheng - himbo dumbass “manly” cutie and the manly stuff is fun cos it gets heaped on and yet every bit of him can be extremely “feminine” and jubilant. Great.

Muren - seems >:O but i rly like that hes actually pretty open in his own way. Side note: he is so thin and willow-y i rly loke tall pretty boys (and all women lmao) and he doesnt do it for me but He suits the character like his body and the way his character is. Also u gotta be weird and he is

Hsinng ssu (girl im never gonna learn how to spell their names it’s too much work cos the eng alphabet andnromanization is terrible) - mild mannered, good son, a homosexual confirmed confirmed g”(awesome!) great friend, good brother (and i guess his reward is being raped, great message!) and someone ppl like

The establishment of the three of them and their distinct personalities happens within minutes and then we meet

Yongjie - what about him? He may have an MI, okay, but we dont know for sure and oh gee that doesnt matter actually bc u have to get urself treated and also not be terrible. Not even psychopaths do the shit he does BC THEY HAVE TO GET HELP. Why the parents didnt get him help and are just realizing their son is terrible? Who knows . His purpose seems yo be “boy obsessed with brother like his actual brother” i dont care id they arent related in that way bc that’s not the fucking crux of incest and it is so insanely Fucked every thing to do with incest is almost always a disgusting powe r issue. WHAT PURPOSE DOES HE SERVE? WHAT DO WE ONOW ABOUT HIM OTHER THAN HE IS A FUCKING JERK AND AN IDIOT AND SUCKS AND I HATE HIM AND THAT HE WANTS TO STALK AND ATTACK THIS REALLY AWESOME FUCKING DUDE OK

There’s no returning point deom rhe line they croased byt theyb set him up for failure. Even in the fight hes a fucking cheater hes a goddamn immature rat they know he fucking sucks but he just sits there and waits for everyone else to move around him. A fucking selfish prick with nor edeeming qualities snd hes also a violent rapist stalker. Really great that thry have no clue how to make this dude actually have any humanity or likeability. Hes the man from 365 days basically except not even that hot and at least he kidnapped her but “WAITED” for “CONSENT” but in that movie’s world nothing mattered and it was bad and the point was to have a horny movie. But this show is for younger ppl and also IT HAS RULES AND IT KNOWS WHAT BAD ACTIONS ARE???? Soooooooooooooo in all these other dumb salacious books there seems to be just a mutual agreement that it’s fucked up but totally normal i their movie’s universee (it isnt and it is still just bad filmmaking)

Also it is up to yong jie to figure put how to get over it and understand that his brother is concerned for him. Bc it is. His brother. There’s a reason that incest is never advisable and thays bc there is no way in that situation that people aren’t somehow being coerced. There has to be a sort of split in the pursuer and the person being pursued bc one person is not thinking that way. (This is why people who find out they are related after the fact and havent grown up together is something thatms really unfortunate. They had no idea and they have to grapple with that but that is another scenario and it happens bc THEY DIDNT GROW UP TOGETHER.) i have experienced this from a (not immediate) fam member and i was the vulnerable one, had less powr, that is how it must go.

Thats why the power imbalance is scary and none of this is acceptable but it begs the question how did they get to this point? But the show doesnt even address that bc they cant bc theyre not original. And power imbalance does not mean automatic absolutely not territory. Theres things we dont like (in my casee i hate age gaps a lot) but i will avoid that.

I havemt seen “right or wrong” and i have no desire but from what ive garnered from ppl i like who liked that episode, the show outlined the moral issues with it. Idk if they did it in a way i would have preferred (again no desire) but at lesst from what ive heard it...tries? Idk i dont see the need for these if they dont give us a reason why these ppl should be together and there’s several lines that cannot be crossed that were. Basically it’s like stockholm syndrome now and there’s no choice for him, it goes beyond power imbalance and “legality” so to speak and now it’s just entrapment.

Theres not even avoiding or enjoying. Even for MODC as stupid as i found the secondary rship and negligent even like ok. Fine. Whatever. His boyfriend is 100 but at least it was semi agreed upon. It is what it is, go forth. I will criticize it but at least it was the story and as stupid and gross as i think it is and they will probs break up (idc what the show says) at least there are set ups that can make us see “why” it works and oh, gee, their whole rship relies on a different fucked up but at least at some point it could possibly be transcended. The foundation of youngjie is “rape entrapment and aw now they are in lvoe” BITCH NOOOO???? Where is the REASON? And why should we root for them? (There is none and when the Thing happens it is now impossible for that not to be absolutely foundational to their rship lmao and that is never something that goes away.)

I would like to say theres nothing romantic int he flashbacks i know thats what theyre trying to twll us but the actor is 30 and that child is like 8.

Im not missing the point bc i see it with my eyes and it sucks. If you cant even write the character well then how do you interest something heavy and work out the links? The only solution is yongjie dying i mean fucking off forever and hsing ssu not letting him into his lifeXni doubt we will get that but at the very least they cannot end up together and that will be their crowning fucking achievement over the waste of time bullshit plot this was. Imagine actual conflict that wasnt so deeply fucking traumatic and, oh, again WHERE ARE THE PARENTS? They fucked up SO FUCKING BADLY. This gives people the wrong idea about how these things work. God he is truly a shitty character and his ass isnt even fat so wtf bitch why am i here!

[samdeancass]

Terminal

Requested by: @okay-j-hannah

Pairing: Peter x Stark!reader

T/W: Terminal Illness, Dying

Genre: Angst

Characters: Peter, Y/N, Tony

Description: Y/N has powers that very intense and powerful. Because of this, she has developed side effects and develops a terminal illness. When Y/N is hanging out more at the base, Peter grows to love her but, as time goes on, Y/Ns condition worsens and he begins to wonder how he can live without her.

"Y/N! On your left!" Steve's voice rang through the comms as you turned to your left and let out a powerful wave of psychokintetic energy and wiped out the incoming threat. You took a deep breath as a wave of dizziness washed over you. This had been happening more and more every time you used your powers. You knew you were sick, you had done for a while, but you hadn't told the team. They would immediately pull you from the field and you really didn't want that, you were too effective against the enemies.

Once all of the enemies were defeated, you and the rest if the team headed back to the helicarrier. "Great work out there today, team!" Steve patted everybody on the back and made his way to the front of the helicarrier. You sat down and could feel another wave of dizziness overcome your body. You lost all control over your body as you went into an unconscious state, falling to the floor.

The team flooded around you and inspected your body. "Rogers, hurry. We need to get her to Bruce. She's not responding to anything!" Tony looked frantic at the thought of something happening to his child. You were the only memory he had left of your mother and he was not going to lose you without a fight.

The flight was short but silent, tensions filling the air. Tony carried you and ran to Bruce's lab once Steve landed the ship. "Bruce! We need your help! Y/N fainted and shes not responding to anything!" Tony placed you carefully on the metal table in the lab before Bruce hooked you up to machines. "I'll do what I can, Tony. I'll have to run tests to find out what's going on and give you the results in a few hours." Bruce began to take some of your blood to test whilst Tony walked out of the room to update the team.

The next few hours were heart-wrenching. Tony was worried sick about you and the team were beside themselves with the fear of losing you, especially Peter.

He had realised he had some feelings for you the first time you and him worked together on a mission. Peter was in awe at how you handled yourself in the field and how quick your demeanor changed when you were back at the base. You were such a carefree person when you aren't worrying about enemies and keeping alive and that is what attracted Peter to you. Of course, you didn't know about these feelings, but he didn't want you to know. He was just grateful to have you in his life.

As Bruce emerged from the doorway of the lab, Tony, Peter and the rest of the team jumped up from their seats. "Well? What's wrong with her?!" Tony walked forward slightly but stopped when he spotted the expression on Bruce's face. "Its not good, Tony, at all. It seems that Y/Ns powers are somehow affecting the inside of her body, weakening her immune system. Her powers are that intense that they have actually mutated her cells. She has terminal cancer. I'm so sorry."

Tony dropped onto his knees and cried. He was going to lose the last remaining family he had left. He never wanted to live his life without you, his joy, the reason he keeps breathing every day. Within a matter of hours, Tony's whole life had fallen apart and there was nothing he could do to save you. He was completely helpless.

Peter tried his best to keep his emotions in check as he heard the heart breaking news. Tears filled his eyes as he watched Tony fall to the floor, heart shattered in a million pieces. Peter wrapped his arms around himself in an attempt to give himself comfort, but it didn't work. He snuck away to his room to let out his emotions in secret.

The team all gathered around Tony and attempted to console him. Nothing that they said or did made a difference though, he was going to lose his child, the light of his life. He stood up, wiped away his tears and walked into the lab where your unconscious body still lay. Tony's eyes filled up again when he saw you and swiped some hair away from your face.

"Y/N, what am I going to do without you? I always thought I would go first, and I was ok with that. But I am not ok with you dying when there is nothing I can do to stop it! I love you so much, kiddo." He bent down and kissed the top of your head whilst absentmindedly stroking your head. He gave a sad smile and walked away to his room, wanting to be alone.

It was a couple of days before you awoke. Your muscles ached, your head hurt and nobody was in sight. You sat up and swiped your legs to the side of the bed, hopping off. Walking out of the lab, you could hear nothing. No laughing, no arguing, just silence.

You walked around searching for anybody when you spotted Peter sitting alone in the entertainment room, head hung slow and silently sobbing. You ran over and sat beside him, a comforting arm wrapping around his shoulders. "Hey Petie, what's the matter?" He looked up at you with watery eyes and engulfed you in a tight hug. Panic was beginning to set in your bones now and you pulled Peter away from you, looking him in the eyes.

"What's happened?" He looked straight back at you, tears forming again in the corners of his eyes. "I really dont know the right way to tell you, Y/N." His head hung low again as he let out a deep sigh. "You have cancer. Your powers became too strong for your body to handle and the cells in your body mutated in response. You've been unconscious for a few days, Y/N. We all thought you were never going to wake up and we weren't going to say goodbye to you. I'm so sorry, Y/N."

You stared at Peter in shock and let out a nervous laugh. "Stop it, Peter. This jokes not so funny." He shook his head. "Its not a joke, Y/N. Bruce ran tests on your blood. It's all true."

You slumped back and let out a heart wrenching scream, crying insatiably. Peter engulfed you again in a hug in an attempt to comfort you. You lent all of your body on Peter as you cried, tears staining his shirt. He didn't mind of course, all that mattered in this moment was you. He had to take care of you, it was his mission.

The next few months went by quick. Everybody was happy that you had finally woken up. Tony was over the moon to have his child back in his arms again, he hardly ever let you out of his sight. Movie nights and family dinners with the team became a nightly thing, everybody laughing and joking, not wanting to waste a minute that wasn't spent with you.

Whenever you weren't with your dad, you were with Peter. Cuddling with him, talking and watching movies. Each minute you two spent together, Peter fell more and more in love with you. He always felt a hole in his heart when he thought about you dying. He didn't want to live without you, you had been the light in the darkness for him for so long that he wondered how he was going to cope without you being here.

A few months later, everybody could tell you were getting worse. You had lost a lot of weight, you were nowhere near as energetic as you used to be and you were constantly tired. There was an unsettling atmosphere around the base as everybody knew that the end was nearing and nobody knew how to act around you, except Peter. He had been by your side every step of the way, supporting you and giving you comfort whenever you needed it. You had grown to have feelings for him, but you never acted as you knew that you wouldn't be around for much longer. Tony was becoming more distant with you, trying to distance himself to lessen the blow when you did die. This made you very upset. You needed your father now more than ever, but he could never bring himself to say the words he wanted to say.

A couple more weeks passed, and everybody knew that the end was near. You were bedridden and could no longer move by yourself. The cancer had spread quicker due to it being caused by your powers. Peter was cuddling you when he felt the need to tell you something. "Y/N, I have to tell you something." He sat up and turned to face you as you maneuvered yourself slightly. "I love you, Y/N. I have done since the first mission we went on together. You are so amazing, kind and caring. I really dont know what I'm going to do when you're no longer here. I just needed you to know."

Your hand moved across the covers and took Peter's, entwining your fingers with his. "I love you to, Peter. I never realised until a few months ago. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't have much time left, but I'm so glad that you feel the same way. You have been my rock through this and I'm so grateful for you. Thank you, Petie."

He grinned at the cute name you had donned for him and leaned in to give you a leck on the lips. Peter moved back to his previous position and wrapped his arm around you. You both sat in silence, enjoying the pleasure of each others company.

"There are no words to describe how much I love you, Y/N Stark. I'm so glad I told you." Peter waited for a few moments in response, but nothing came. He looked down and seen that you were no longer breathing. Silent tears slid down his face as he leaned into you, kissing the top of your head with your hands still entwined,

"Thank you for being a part of my life, Y/N. I will always love you."

[satanfemme]

what your favorite headcanon people have made about the ultra vs / each v? also (if you would like to say) whats your least favorite headcanon people have made about them?

ok let me think! this is just off the top of my head so I might be forgetting some things but Lets Fcking Gooooo

vinyl: fav hc: saw someone a while back say that he used to make vinyl records in the city out of old x-ray scans (which is a real vinyl making technique afaik!) and that imagery has not left my mind since, even tho my vinyl hc is desert (neutral) born, its just so Good!!!!

least fav hc: a while ago a few people, in response to "all killjoys r trans" headcanons, said things like "all of them r trans except cherri" or "all of them are trans except vinyl" and HELLO???????? its HAUNTING to me what (internalized)transphobia makes people say, like 1. why must there be a token cis in the first place? disgusting. 2. why is it always those two characters... is it cuz they present so masc and u cant imagine a trans man looking like that? incheresting....No Comment. and 3. vinyl (and cherri for that matter tbqh) do NOT even look cis/traditionally-masc, like u really think a cis man could pull off heeled boots and a bright red jumpsuit? I HAVE to laugh. ffh fhfhdjfhfhfjdrhdnk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

vamos: fav hc: my own hc but! neogender and pronoun collector vamos!!! love thinking of fae just. collecting shit! vaya does too to an extent but especially vamos does!

least fav: that fae and vaya aren't twins. I know them being related was never Confirmed canon but its so... Coded imo with how twins are commonly portrayed in media And its such a commonly accepted fanon thing (to the extent that just saying "the twins" is enough that people know who u mean) that it rubs me the wrong way for them to be seriously headcanoned as unrelated but mostly/especially when like. they're hc'ed as not being related so that they can be shipped. :/

vaya: fav hc: again my hc but I do still like thinking bout vaya as an artist, drawing comics and making zines, or at least contributing to zines, theyre the ultra vs token artist and!! theyre just so talented and good!

least fav hc: see above at vamos' hfgfh

volume: fav: Ive seen a Few headcanons like this but Anything about him living up to his name Gets To Me :'3 I Love him so much. Ive seen hcs like that he got his name from being scolded in city schools for being too loud ("volume!") and Ive also seen just "he lives up to his name, shouting and laughing" headcanons and theyre are just SO good and so tangible of a characterization

least fav: seen a few "he wanted to leave the ultra v's" headcanons and I Always hate those headcanons with any of the vs but with volume they just Suck, imo, cause hes in the comic so briefly that like. yeah. i Guess that couldve been the case. but why do u wanna headcanon that, like what does that accomplish when he already left the crew against his own will by dying, hello???? in my hc he did want something more and did consider leaving because of that quite a few times but the v's are his family so he would Never actually want to leave with any seriousness. imho.

val: fav: more of a "text-based interpretation of his character" than a headcanon but val being like That cause he's just. ill. instead of being """"evil"" will always always be such an important characterization to me like. ik Ive analyzed this before. what he did was wrong but his motivations are Super clear if u actually read his/the twin's dialogue and also just. contextually with how killjoys in general are. murder is... not the biggest deal to any of them. so like. bro he was just going Thru It, give him a break!!!! sorry I cant think of more coherent things to say on the matter rn but Ill fcking dig out that masterpost of analysis I made months ago if u want (thats rhetorically Im not gonna do that) I dont even care about woobifying him rn Im living my best life rn and its val velocity appreciation hours

least fav: similar to above but Genuinely when people paint him as an irredeemable villain it bugs the HELL out of me. yes he was an antagonist and yes he was mean etc etc I Know but people singling val out for killing random people as if all of the vs/killjoys werent on board (if not actively participating) with that rubs me the wrong way when, at least in my interpretation of the text, he was super canonically having some sort of breakdown while also being one of the Only killjoys who was trying to actively fight against their oppressors like if u want to hate him for something like him being mean to the girl then VALID, yeah, dick move, I get it, but if u say that him killing whatever random people cause he thinks theyre the spies killing his family means that hes obviously 100% some evil monster And Then u get joy out of just endlessly dunking on him and how much u hate him for being so evil and awful its like come ON. idk what to even say to u I know Im bias but that just feels Gross to me <3 just my opinion, val velocity did nothing wrong club, bye!

[delimeful]

Delimeful’s Sanders Sides Writing Masterpost

Chaptered Works

the shapes in the silence: a pre-AA AU where Virgil transforms into a miniature dragon when stressed and is promptly adopted by the light sides.   

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | 

watch it burn and rust: a space AU where Patton finds himself trapped in a cell with one of the most infamous and bloodthirsty deathworlders out there, a Human. 

WIBAR ACT ONE:

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 |

WIBAR INTERMISSION:

Making Adjustments: Virgil gets used to life aboard the Mindscape, and the crew gets used to him. Gradually. 

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 |

Cultural Differences:  After one too many unfortunate misunderstandings, Logan requests that Virgil meet with him to discuss Human culture. They both learn new things about each other.

AO3 Link | Story |

Night Terrors: Roman and Virgil are left alone on the ship unsupervised for the night. Things go better than expected, somehow.

AO3 Link | Story |

New Friends: A routine trade with another ship turns dangerous when raiders turn up. Unfortunately for them, there happens to be a Human onboard that doesn’t take kindly to threats against his family. 

AO3 Link | Story |

WIBAR ACT TWO:

let my mind reset: Roman finds himself in deep trouble relating to his past, which means the resident Human is the last person he wants around.

Unfortunately, the resident Human didn't seem to get the memo. 

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

WIBAR EXTRAS:

Height Chart | Cast Description | Patton’s Charms | 

WIBAR Snapshots: A series of short bonus scenes taking place at various points during the timeline of the 'watch it burn and rust' series! 

AO3 Link | Cleanse | Release |

WIBAR AUs: 

the end of being alone: A WIBAR AU (that’s right, an AU of an AU) where the circumstances of Virgil’s introduction to the group– or rather, Virgil himself– are… a little different. Kid!Virgil.

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 |

how easy you are to need: A lone werewolf finds three humans settling into the abandoned cabin on his territory, and somehow manages to get attached.   

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 |

how easy you are to need (redux): A lone werewolf finds three humans settling into the abandoned cabin on his territory, and somehow manages to get attached.   

-

A rewrite & continuation of the original HEYATN fic.

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | 

be unbroken or be brave again: Tracked down by an obnoxious and determined knight, a Dragonwitch and his closest friend are drawn into a mystery they thought they'd left behind. Dragonwitch Virgil AU

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

a mourning dove: A tiny winged borrower living in a forest hideaway, Logan is interested in human technology despite all the terrible tales about humans themselves. After running into a forgetful college student, he ends up striking a surprisingly steadfast friendship. G/T

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 |

not always what they seem: A space AU where the light sides are aliens working with new specimens, ones that might be more sapient than they originally assumed. G/T

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | 

cut clean from the dream: Logan is a captured fairy, stuck in a bottle on the shelf of a potions shop. Virgil is an unlucky apprentice witch who needs fairy wings for his next assignment. Things turn out better than either of them could have expected. G/T 

AO3 Link | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Complete!

helpless: Virgil stumbles into some trouble in his forest, and then someone new stumbles into him. 

Drider!Virgil AU. Platonic DRLAMP

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | 

hold my body down: Roman and Virgil are a two-person adventuring party stopping in a small barter town for the evening. He enters town expecting a night of rest at the inn, perhaps a few stories from the local bard, and exits as part of a cult-like ritual sacrifice to a silent giant. Then things get strange. G/T

AO3 Link | Part 1 | Part 2 |

to taste your beating heart: Inducted into a coven of bloodthirsty vampires with no memories of his life before, Virgil has been assured that there was nothing left for him in his human life, that being turned was a mercy for a human as pathetic as he had been. 

However, when he goes out for his first solo hunt, the last thing he expects when he pins his target, a man dressed in blue and grey, is for him to call him by name, recognition clear in his eyes. The second-to-last thing he expects is for the kind-eyed man to turn out to be a hunter of all things, and turn the tables on him. 

Now captured with none of his clan knowing where he is, Virgil faces the three hunters that seem convinced they know him and wonders if maybe there’s more to the story.

(Warning for Villain/Pre-AA Virgil)

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 |

my virtues uncounted: The Light Sides find themselves stuck in the subconscious, where everything is huge, including the Dark Sides that reside there. Anxiety finding them at such a diminished size seemed like the worst possible outcome, but as they spend more time around him, they find themselves wondering if maybe he's got their best interests in mind after all. G/T

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | 

sheer atrocity: Prince Roman has been sent on his ritual journey to slay a giant and prove himself worthy to be a true slayer for his kingdom... or die trying. 

Too bad his giant has something different in mind. G/T

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 |

(dont) take this the wrong way: Local shark mer Roman finds a tiny mermaid tangled up in a net in his territory, and enlists his siren friend Patton's help to find a way to free the little guy. Unfortunately for Logan, they end up 'borrowing' a human to assist them in untangling the net. Virgil just wants to get out of this nightmare of a situation. G/T

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | 

pull apart at the seams: In a world where humans are tiny and giants keep them as pets, Virgil finds himself bought by three giant werewolves, who are varying levels of enthusiastic about his presence. G/T

warnings: darker tone, jerk giants, people treated as pets

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | 

Minecraft AU: Exactly what it says on the tin. Sanders Sides/Minecraft crossover. I offer no apologies.  

AO3 Link | Ender | Spider | Brewer | Adventurer | Healer | Builder |

Oneshots

Repressed: A pre-AA AU where Virgil shrinks down to five inches when Thomas represses him. This goes badly once the others find out. G/T

AO3 Link | Story | Ask Blog

the littlest mermaid: Virgil investigates a strange noise on his walk home and gets more than he bargained for. G/T

AO3 Link | Story

magical mutualism: Logan summons a demon to help him get into a magical institute. Surprisingly, nobody loses their soul in the process.

AO3 Link | Story

amateur matchmakers: After being friends with them for over a year, Virgil learns that Roman and Patton aren’t, in fact, dating. Analogical, Royality

AO3 Link | Story

stemming the tide: Patton comes across an ancient mer and makes a bargain... and a friend? Based off this art by smalldrops! Platonic logicality, G/T

AO3 Link | Story

community gardens: Logan first met his best friend because he was investigating rumors of a human lurking around the border of his forest. Platonic intrulogical, G/T

AO3 Link | Story

you will see a better day: Remus has a Bad Day. The others are there to help him through it, if he’ll let them. Canonverse, platonic DRLAMP

AO3 Link | Story

as the fabric starts to fray: It’s just another routine bank robbery to foil. Until it’s not. Platonic dukexiety, Superhero AU.

AO3 Link | Story

failed bounties and fresh bonds: He’d only snuck down to the town because he’d wanted to see the lights that had been strung up in the streets. He wasn’t sure what they were for, but they were bright and beautiful.

He hadn’t meant to get so close. He hadn’t meant to be caught. Platonic dukexiety, G/T

AO3 Link | Story 

leave your shaded hollow: Virgil meets the most terrifying creature of his life. 

Logan makes a friend. Mer AU, platonic analogical, G/T

AO3 Link | Story

BTHB (Bad Things Happen Bingo) Fills

or set your teeth against my throat: Captured and put on display by arrogant bloodsuckers, Roman begins to lose hope that he'll ever get to see his small but tight-knit pack again. 

Who would have thought that a strange, sympathetic vampire would be the one to restore that hope? Prompt: Defeated and Trophified  

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

taking the fall: When an indoor borrower is seen they're supposed to move out. Not push a outdoor borrower into the sink and literally make them take fall for them.

So how’d Virgil end up in this sink. Prompt: Framed

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | 

breathing cleaner air: Roman enters the woods as a knight and prince of his kingdom, hunting a dangerous creature for the good of them all.

He leaves the woods... different. Prompt: Painful Transformation

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | 

neither calm nor quiet: Virgil's first voyage back on land in years starts off no-good and swiftly takes a turn for the horrible. 

After being 'rescued' by a local columnist, however, he finds the beginning of something not-entirely-awful. Prompt: Caught in a Net 

AO3 Link | Story

you cant go back: Abandoned by his crewmates, Virgil finds himself stranded on one of the most famous and bloodthirsty deathworlds out there: Earth. 

Meanwhile, Roman finds an alien in his barn. Prompt: Locked Up and Left Behind

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 |

in sickness and in health: Virgil is a borrower, which means that he already has plenty of work to do in his day to day life. He could wish for a lot of things to make life easier: better heating, a less clumsy human neighbor, another borrower living nearby to talk to.

He distinctly didn’t wish for the human that lives next to his walls to get horribly sick and refuse to tell anyone, but it happened anyways.

Virgil is the only one around who could possibly help. And really, what are the odds that a deeply-feverish human will remember him? Prompt: Hiding an Illness

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | 

nothing in this world (i wouldn’t do): The first thing Virgil felt when he woke up was hunger.

It was like a gnawing pit in his stomach, deep and painful. The hunger was useful, informative— it told him how weak he was.

Something else, a shivering primal thing in the back of his mind, told him how dangerous being weak was.

or

A lot of things change when Virgil becomes a demon. His utter refusal to ever hurt his brother is not one of them. Prompt: Self Loathing

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 |

down that desolate road: He’d only turned away for a moment. There had been a distant sound, like something scraping harshly against rock, and Virgil was chronically incapable of ignoring weird noises, so he’d paused to listen. When he’d turned back, the others had vanished, leaving him alone in the center of a maze of caverns. All he’d heard when he called was his own voice, echoing back to him eerily.

or

Everything falls apart around him. Virgil is going to fix it, even if it takes everything he has in the process. Prompt: Ambush

AO3 Link | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | 

October 2019 G/T Prompts [List] 

Day 1: Fear / Day 2: Cage / Day 3: Outside / Day 4: Moon / Day 5: Rat / Day 6: Pocket / Day 7: Fairytale / Day 8: Switched / Day 9: Alone / Day 10: Broken / Day 11: Underwater / Day 12: Giant / Day 13: Shake / Day 14: Pet / Day 15: Control / Day 16: Alien / Day 17: Roasted / Day 18: Fang / Day 19: Trap / Day 20: Grow / Day 21: Bean / Day 22: Candy / Day 24: Blood / Day 25: Hiding / Day 26: Doll / 

February 2020 Prompts [List]

Day 1: Ideal / Day 2: Deaf / 

Flash Fiction Prompts: 

Bond / Switched... 2! / Mend / 

[wheezy-kasp-brak]

rant, you can skip

why do my friends have to be such genuinely good people? i know thats such an awful thing to be complaining about but it just sucks when you need a reason to be mad and you want to bawl your eyes out and theres just no reason. i wish i could punch a hole in my wall and just get up and walk out of class and hate everyone. i mean i fucking blocked them and they still manage to find alternate ways to text me. “checking in to make sure you know i still care. i love you!! take ur time” “hey kid just noticed, you ok?” like omg i just want to hate you for some reason but i cant. and i hate drama dont get me wrong but i have such an urge to yell at them and bring up their insecurities and secrets i know they trusted me with even though i know how harmful and disgusting it is to use those kinds of things in arguments. and i dont think that way either, like i would never blame someone for going through it or having personal issues because we all know i do. but i want them to hate me, i genuinely want them to have such a distaste for just being in the same room as me, living on the same planet. so many decisions ive made in the past have been based on these emotions and the outcome is never good but its always what i thought i needed in the moment. so many of them i regret and hate myself for but i never seem to be able to settle for anything, i need my life moving at a fast pace. and i feel so bland on these meds and i know if i went off them things would only get worse for everyone. everything is biochemical so nothing ever has a reason and its never fucking going away so im going to be stuck in this same loop for the rest of my life. im not looking for pity or any kind of solution, i just need this to be out there. to say it to someone even if its some random person half way across the earth i dont care. im just so sick of these thoughts and un-named feelings that i never seem to be able to put into words. and dear, you, (you know who are) this isnt at you and you know that. this is about dc and jg and sl and ob and k/l. you know nothing i ever say could ever apply to you because for some reason my brain just doesnt work like this around you/ youre magic.