#transitions for obs
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đȘAquarius Marsđœ
This mars sign is one of the rarest.
đ§ contrary and erratic
đïž STUBBBBBOOOORRRRRNNNN
đ§ Will do whatever they please whenever they please (which may be absolutely nothing)
đïž A good listener, but rarely takes advice. They always do their own thing.
đ§ INCREDIBLY SOLITARY
đïžKinky fantasies - the weirder the better. Never boring.
đ§ some are so kinky that they really canât share some kinks with ANYONE
đïž Living in their own little world đ§ Canât reach them at all sometimes (where the heck are they??)
đïž concerned with humanitarian causes, yet unable to clean their own house
đ§ An idea person more than an action person
đïž Weirdo (weird isnât necessarily bad)
đ§ Does not want to take the traditional route
đïž Mystical (but it *varies* - could be extremely Christian perhaps Buddhist or believe in aliens/telepathic communication â you never know)
đ§ strong beliefs (whatever they may be)
đïž Severe aversion to authority
đ§ A NUT đ°
*I am quite curious about this placement. Out of all the birth charts I have accumulated over the years, Aquarius mars was quite a rare placement! And the people who did have itâŠwere some of the strangest and off kilter I have ever met. What happened to yâall?
(Not all aqua mars, of course. Some of yâall are cool af)âš
#astrology#horoscope#zodiac#astrology thoughts#astro#astrology update#astro observations#astro obs#astrology community#north node#aquarius#aquarius mars#mars signs#astrology transit#astrology forecast#astrology aspects#astrological compatibility#astro thoughts#astrology compatibility#astrology signs#astro notes#astro community#astrology observations
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I have unlocked the power known as "OBS Stinger Transition Masking" and now I'm passing the savings on to YOU!
What the hell are you talking about?
If you stream using OBS, there's something called a "Stinger Transition" that lets you create custom fades between two different scenes. So if you have a static "be right back" scene separate from a live streaming scene, a transition will fade between the two.
A "Stinger" transition is something OBS added that lets you substitute a video file as the transition fade. Essentially, you'd have a (usually transparent) video file and at a specific point, that stinger video would cover 100% of the stream, at which point you'd tell OBS the time code of 100% coverage so it could secretly swap scenes underneath it.
But then OBS added "Track Matte" which lets you do fancy masking. Now there's a whole complicated process where, if you want full color animated transitions, you have to generate a special split video but that's too fancy for me. What isn't too fancy is just basic mask transitions, like the GIF you see above, and "Track Matte" lets you take the easy way out and do this instead. I promise, it's not hard!
So, I went through and converted my favorite gradient transitions I have for Vegas to work with OBS's Track Matte Stinger Transition Masks (wow, what a mouthful). And! I'm letting you download them and giving you instructions on how to use them. Before we get to how to install and use them, some credits:
Default Sony Vegas Gradient Transitions
Diagonal Wipe
Side Wipe
Swirl
Puzzle
Curling Smoke
Floral Growth
Iris In
Iris Out
Barn Door Open
Barn Door Shut
Shutters Open
Shutters Shut
Horizontal Alternating Bars
Vertical Alternating Bars
Gradient Transitions I Borrowed From My Old Roxio Gamecap
Quad Clock
Many Clocks
Maple Leaf
Mandelbrot Fractal
Bytes
Star Wipe
Butterfly Zoom
Blobs
Chomping
Diamonds
Checkerboard
Crusty
Balls Out
Burst
Swooce In (Pictured above!)
Swooce Out
Draw Box
Draw Box Smaller
Splat Top
Splat Explode
Overlay Stars
Stargate In
Stargate Out
Scraps
Pinch
(I may have gotten creative with some of those names)
Gradient Transitions I Made Myself
Pixel Infection
Scratches
Slime
Yoshi's Island Wipe
How To Install These
Download your chosen flavor:
OBS Stinger Masks [720p].zip
OBS Stinger Masks [1080p].zip
Extract all the MP4 files somewhere. Preferably to their own folder, and possibly somewhere inside your OBS install if you can help it.
Open OBS. You should have a little menu called "Scene Transitions."
If you don't have this visible, in the drop down menus at the top, click on "Docks" and make sure "Scene Transitions" is checked.
With your Scene Transitions panel available, click the + (plus) icon and select "Stinger."
This will prompt you to give your new Stinger transition a custom name and take you to the customization menu.
In the "Video File" field, we just point it towards one of the MP4s you just downloaded and extracted. In this case, I have chosen "Swooce In.mp4"
You can probably ignore everything else, but make sure to check "â Use a Track Matte" and under the "Matte Layout" drop down, make sure it's set to "Mask Only." The other two Matte Layout settings are for the fancy full-color alpha transparency video transitions, but we're just doing simple black-to-white masking.
At the very bottom of the menu (I'd have to scroll down on my sample image) there should be a "Preview Transition" button if you'd like to see a sample of what it looks like in motion.
Click okay, and you should be done! As long as the custom stinger you just made is the one selected under "Scene Transitions", every time you change scenes, it will blend between them using the video you selected.
Can I make these any faster? Or slower?
Not within OBS, no. You would have to change the speed of the video file itself. I tried to be mindful of how good these looked at what speeds, but if you think they're the wrong speed, you'll have to crack open a video editor for yourself and figure out how to change the playback speed.
And, obviously, if you have even minor experience with video editing, you can probably grasp the concept of how this works pretty easily, meaning it should be pretty easy to make your own stinger masks with all kinds of fun patterns. As long as it goes from black to white!
You could also be a psychopath with Adobe Premiere and learn how to do the full color animated transitions too, if you want. This seems like a pretty decent tutorial on how to do that, but like I said, that's way too much work for me.
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her again. btw
#look at her sheâs gorgeous sheâs perfect sheâs self actualizef#ive decided that this design is her post transition design btw. bc its the obe i like drawing the most so i wabt to draw her happy and in#cute outfits and w her gf (#who i still have to DRAW!!!)#and then ill revamp her oldest design for her pre transition self#my art#tassos
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like that this show raises the important questions. like what if ur foster brother had gay sex with ur transgender clone
#literally forgot this happened like. what the fuck#the thing is theyd kind of be a hot t for t relationship if felix transitioned and tony wasnt. his foster sisters clone#maybe they dont actually fuck maybe im misremembering actually. i hope im misremembering bc that would be wild#fin rewatches ob
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By: Beth Bourne
Published: Feb 27, 2024
Kaiser gender specialists were eager to approve hormones and surgeries, which would all be covered by insurance as âmedically necessary.â
On September 6, 2022, I received mail from my Kaiser Permanente Davis Ob-Gyn reminding me of a routine cervical screening. The language of the reminder stood out to me: âRecommended for people with a cervix ages 21 to 65.â When I asked my Ob-Gyn about this strange wording, she told me the wording was chosen to be âinclusiveâ of their âtransgenderâ and âgender fluidâ patients.
Based on this response, several thoughts occurred to me. Could I expose the medical scandal of âgender-affirming careâ by saying and doing everything my daughter and other trans-identifying kids are taught to do? Would there be the type of medical safeguarding and differential diagnosis we would expect in other fields of medicine, or would I simply be allowed to self-diagnose and be offered the tools (i.e. hormones and surgeries) to choose my own gender adventure and become my true authentic self?
If I could demonstrate that anyone suffering from delusions of their sex, self-hatred, or identity issues could qualify for and easily obtain body-altering hormones and surgeries, all covered by insurance as âmedically necessaryâ and potentially âlife-savingâ care, then maybe people would finally wake up. I certainly had.
I was prepared for failure. I wasnât prepared for how easy success would be.
* * *
I am a 53-year-old mom from Davis, CA. My daughter began identifying as a transgender boy (social transition) and using he/him pronouns at school during 8th grade. Like several of her peers who also identified as trans at her school, my daughter was a gifted student and intellectually mature but socially immature. This shift coincided with her schoolâs sudden commitment to, and celebration of, a now widespread set of radical beliefs about the biology of sex and gender identity.
She âcame outâ as trans to her father (my ex-husband) and me through a standard coming-out letter, expressing her wish to start puberty blockers. She said she knew they were safe, citing information she had read from Planned Parenthood and the World Professional Association for Transgender Health (WPATH). To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I was also confused because this announcement was sudden and unexpected. While others quickly accepted and affirmed my daughterâs new identity, I was apprehensive and felt the need to learn more about what was going on.
Events began escalating quickly.
During a routine doctorâs visit scheduled for dizziness my daughter said that she was experiencing, the Kaiser pediatrician overheard her father using âhe/himâ pronouns for our daughter. The pediatrician seemed thrilled, quickly asking my daughter about her âpreferred pronounsâ and updating her medical records to denote that my daughter was now, in fact, my son. The pediatrician then recommended we consult the Kaiser Permanente Oakland Proud pediatric gender clinic, where she could get further information and (gender affirming) âtreatment.â Now I was the one feeling dizzy.
As I began educating myself on this issue, I discovered that this phenomenonâminors, most often teen girls, suddenly adopting trans identitiesâwas becoming increasingly widespread. It even had a name:Â rapid onset gender dysphoria, or ROGD. Thankfully, after learning about the potential side-effects of blockers and hormones, my ex-husband and I managed to agree not to consent to any medical interventions for our daughter until she turned 18 and would then be able to make such decisions as an adult.
Over the past five years, my daughterâs identity has slowly evolved in ways that I see as positive. Our bond, however, has become strained, particularly since I began publicly voicing my concerns about what many term as âgender ideology.â Following my daughterâs 17th birthday family celebration, she sent me an email that evening stating she would be cutting off contact with me.
While this estrangement brought me sorrow, with my daughter living full-time with her father, it also gave me the space to be an advocate/activist in pushing back on gender identity ideology in the schools and the medical industry.
I decided to go undercover as a nonbinary patient to show my daughter what danger she might be putting herself inâby people who purport to have her health as their interest, but whose main interest is in medically âaffirmingâ (i.e., transitioning) whoever walks through their door. I am at heart a mother protecting her child.
* * *
My daughterâs sudden decision to become a boy was heavily on my mind in early September of 2022, when mail from my Kaiser Permanente Davis Ob-Gyn reminded me of a routine cervical screening with âRecommended for people with a cervix ages 21 to 65.â I was told that the wording was chosen to be âinclusiveâ of transgender and âgender fluidâ patients.
Throughout the whole 231-day process of my feigned gender transition, the Kaiser gender specialists were eager to serve me and give me what I wanted, which would all be covered by insurance as âmedically necessary.â My emails were returned quickly, my appointments scheduled efficiently, and I never fell through the cracks. I was helped along every step of the way.
Despite gender activists and clinicians constantly claiming that obtaining hormones and surgeries is a long and complex process with plenty of safety checks in place, I was in full control at every checkpoint. I was able to self-diagnose, determine how strong a dose of testosterone I received and which surgeries I wanted to pursue, no matter how extreme and no matter how many glaring red flags I purposefully dropped. The medical workers I met repeatedly reminded me that they were not there to act as âgatekeepers.â
I was able to instantly change my medical records to reflect my new gender identity and pronouns. Despite never being diagnosed with gender dysphoria, I was able to obtain a prescription for testosterone and approval for a âgender-affirmingâ double mastectomy from my doctor. It took only three more months (90 days) to be approved for surgery to remove my uterus and have a fake penis constructed from the skin of my thigh or forearm. Therapy was never recommended.
Critics might dismiss my story as insignificant on the grounds that I am a 53-year-old woman with ample life experience who should be free to alter her body. However, this argument for adult bodily autonomy is a standard we apply to purely cosmetic procedures like breast implants, liposuction, and facelifts, not âmedically necessaryâ and âlifesavingâ treatments covered by health insurance. Or interventions that compromise health and introduce illness into an otherwise healthy body. And especially not for children.
My story, which I outline in much more detail below, should convince any half-rational person that gender medicine is not operating like any other field of medicine. Based on a radical concept of âgender identity,â this medical anomaly preys upon the body-image insecurities common among pubescent minors to bill health insurance companies for permanent cosmetic procedures that often leave their patients with permanently altered bodies, damaged endocrine systems, sexual dysfunction, and infertility.
* * *
Detailed Timeline of Events
On October 6, 2022, I responded to my Ob-Gynâs email to tell her that, after some thought, Iâd decided that maybe the label âcis womanâ didnât truly reflect who I was. After all, I did have some tomboyish tendencies. I told her I would like my records to be changed to reflect my newly realized ânonbinaryâ identity, and that my new pronouns were they/them. I also voiced my desire to be put in touch with an endocrinologist to discuss starting testosterone treatment.
Fifteen minutes later I received an email from another Kaiser doctor informing me that my medical records had been changed, and that once my primary doctor returned to the office, Iâd be able to speak with her about hormone therapy.
I responded the following day (October 7, 2022), thanking her for changing my records, and asking if she could connect me with someone who could help me make an appointment for âtop surgeryâ (i.e., a cosmetic double mastectomy) because my chest binder was rather âuncomfortable after long days and playing tennis.â
She told me to contact my primary care MD to âget things rolling,â and that there were likely to be âpreliminary evaluations.â
Six days after contacting my primary care MD for a referral, I received an email from one of Kaiserâs gender specialists asking me to schedule a phone appointment so she could better understand my goals for surgery, so that I could get âconnected to care.â This call to review my âgender affirming treatment options and servicesâ would take 15-20 minutes, after which I would be âbooked for intake,â allowing me to proceed with medical transition.
This wasnât an evaluation of whether surgical transition was appropriate, it was simply a meeting for me to tell them what I wanted so that they could provide it.
On October 18, I had my one and only in-person appointment in preparation for top surgery. I met in Davis with my primary care physician, Dr. Hong-wen Xue. The assessment was a 10-minute routine physical exam that included blood tests. Everything came back normal. Notably, there was not a single question about why I wanted top surgery or cross-sex hormones. Nor was there any discussion of the risks involved with these medical treatments.
The following week, on October 24, I had a phone appointment with Rachaell Wood, MFT, a gender specialist with Kaiser Sacramento. The call lasted 15 minutes and consisted of standard questions about potential drug use, domestic violence, guns in the house, and whether I experienced any suicidal thoughts. There were no questions from the gender specialist about my reasons for requesting a mastectomy or cross-sex hormones, or why I suddenly, at 52, decided I was ânonbinary.â
After the call, Kaiser emailed me instructions about how to prepare for my pre-surgery intake video appointment to evaluate my mental health, scheduled to take place on November 15. The email stated that prior to my appointment, I should research hormone risks on the WPATH website, and to âresearch bilateral mastectomy and chest reconstruction surgery risks and recoveryâ on Kaiserâs website.
I decided to request a âgender-affirmingâ double mastectomy and phalloplasty. Kaiser sent me a sample timeline for gender transition surgery preparation (see below) that you can use as a reference for the process. I also asked for a prescription for cross-sex hormones (testosterone) as needed and recommended by Kaiser.
[ Source:Â Kaiser Permanente, Top Surgery - EXPLORING YOUR SURGICAL OPTIONS ]
Pre-Surgery Mental Health Video Appointment, Part I
This âMental Health Visitâ assessment was conducted over Zoom. The Kaiser gender specialist started with questions addressing my marital status, race, gender identity, and other demographics. She asked whether I was âthinking of any other surgeries, treatments in the future.â The list she read included âgender-affirmingâ hysterectomies, bottom surgeries such as metoidioplasty and phalloplasty, vocal coaching, support groups, and body contouring. âAnything else you might be interested in doing?â she asked. I said that Iâd perhaps be interested in body contouring. I was also assured that all the procedures would be covered by insurance because they were considered âmedically necessary.â
I dropped in several red flags regarding my mental health to see the reaction, but all were ignored. For instance, I revealed that I had PTSD. When the therapist asked me about whether I had experienced any âchildhood trauma,â I explained that I grew up in Mexico City and had been groped several times and had also witnessed men masturbating in public and had been grabbed by men in subways and buses. âI was a young girl, so [I had] lots of experiences of sexual harassments, sexual assault, just the kind of stuff that happens when you are a girl growing up in a big city.â âSo, you know,â I finished, âjust the general feeling that you are unsafe, you know, in a female body.â
The therapist did not respond to my disclosure that trauma could be the cause of my dysphoria. Instead of viewing this trauma as potentially driving my desire to escape my female body through hormones and surgery, she asked whether there is anything âimportant that the surgery team should be aware ofâ regarding my âhistory of trauma,â such as whether Iâd be comfortable with the surgeon examining and marking my chest prior to surgery.
When asked about whether I had had any âpsychotic symptoms,â I told her that while I had had no such symptoms, my mother had a delusional nervous breakdown in her 50s because she had body dysmorphia and became convinced she had a growth on her neck that needed to be removed. I told her that my mother was then admitted to an inpatient hospital for severe depression. I asked her whether she ever sees patients with body dysmorphia and whether I could have potentially inherited that from my mother. She told me that psychosis was hereditary, but that it was âhighly unlikelyâ that there was any connection between body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria.
I enthusiastically waved more mental health red flags, waiting to see if she would pick up on any of them.
Iâm just wondering if my feelings, or perseverating, or feeling like these breasts make me really unhappy and I just donât want them anymore!...Iâm just not sure if thatâs a similar feeling to body dysmorphia? How do you decide which one is gender dysphoria and general body dysmorphia, and just not liking something about your body? Feeling uncomfortable with your body? And I did have an eating disorder all through college. I was a distance runner in college so I had bulimia and anorexia, you know. So I donât know if thatâs related to gender dysphoria?
The therapist replied, âI completely appreciate your concerns, but I am going to ask you questions about your chest, about your expectations. And then Iâll be able to give you an assessment.â She also said the main difference between my momâs situation and mine was that my mom didnât really have a growth on her neck, whereas itâs âconfirmedâ that I actually have âchest tissue.â Furthermore, she said that while âhistorically there has been all this pressure on patients to be like âAre you really, really sure you want hormones? Are you 100% sure?â We are a little more relaxed.â She continued, âAs long as you are aware of the risks and the side-effects, you can put your toe in the water. You can stop âTâ [testosterone], you can go back and do it again later! You can stop it! You can stop it! You know what I mean?â
Because we ran out of time, I scheduled a follow-up phone meeting on December 27, 2022 with a different gender specialist to complete my mental health assessment for top surgery.
Pre-Surgery Mental Health Video Appointment, Part II
During this meeting, Guneet Kaur, LCSW, another Kaiser gender specialist (she/her/they/them pronouns) told me that she regretted the âgatekeeping vibeâ of the meeting but assured me that since I have been âdoing the work,â her questions are essentially just a form of âemotional supportâ before talking with the medical providers.
She asked me about what Iâd been âlooking into as far as hormones.â I told her that Iâd be interested in taking small doses of testosterone to counterbalance my female feelings to achieve âa feeling thatâs kind of neutral.â
When she asked me about me ânot feeling like I match on the outside what I feel on the inside,â I dropped more red flags, mentioning my aversion to wearing dresses and skirts.
I donât own a single dress or a skirt and haven't in 20 years. I think for me itâs been just dressing the way thatâs comfortable for me, which is just wearing, jeans and sweatshirts and I have a lot of flannel shirts and, and I wear boots all the time instead of other kinds of shoes. So I think itâs been nice being able to dress, especially because I work from home now most of the time that just a feeling of clothing being one of the ways that I can feel more non-binary in my everyday life.
She responded, âLike having control over what you wear and yeah. Kind of that feeling of just, yeah, this is who I am today. Thatâs awesome. Yeah.â
She then asked me to describe my dysphoria, and I told her that I didnât like the âfeeling of the female form and being chesty,â and that because I am going through menopause, I wanted to start taking testosterone to avoid âthat feeling of being like this apple-shaped older woman.â âGood. Okay, great,â she responded, reminding me that only âtop surgery,â not testosterone, would be able to solve my chest dysphoria. (Perhaps it was because all these meetings were online, they didnât notice Iâm actually fit and relatively slender at 5â-5â and 130 pounds, and not apple-shaped at all.)
She told me that we had to get through a few more questions related to my medical history before âwe can move on to the fun stuff, which is testosterone and top surgery.â
The âfun stuffâ consisted of a discussion about the physical and mood changes I could expect, and her asking me about the dose of testosterone I wanted to take and the kind of âtop surgeryâ technique Iâd prefer to achieve my âchest goals.â She told me that all or most of my consultations for surgeries and hormones would be virtual.
The gender specialist told me after the appointment, she would submit my referral to the Multi-Specialty Transitions Clinic (MST) team that oversees âgender expansive care.â They would follow up to schedule a ânursing callâ with me to review my medical history, after which theyâd schedule my appointment with a surgeon for a consultation. Her instructions for this consultation were to âtell them what youâre wanting for surgery and then they share with you their game plan.â
[ Decision-making slide to help me identify my goals for top surgeryâflat chest, nipple sensation, or minimal scarring. Source:Â Kaiser Permanente, Top Surgery - EXPLORING YOUR SURGICAL OPTIONS ]
She told me that Kaiser has a team of plastic surgeons who âonly work with trans and nonbinary patients because thereâs just so much need for them.â She asked about my priorities for chest surgery, such as whether I value flatness over nipple sensation. I learned about double incision top surgery with nipple grafts, as well as âkeyhole,â âdonut,â âbuttonhole,â and âInverted-Tâ top surgeries.
By the end of the hour-long appointment, I had my surgery referral and was ready for my ânursing callâ appointment.
Nursing call with Nurse Coordinator from the Transgender Surgery and Gender Pathways Clinic at Kaiser San Francisco
On January 19, 2023, I had my nursing call with the Nurse Coordinator. He first said that âthe purpose of this call is just for us to go through your chart together and make sure everythingâs as accurate as possible.â Once that was done, my referral would be sent to the surgeon for a consultation.
He asked me about potential allergies and recreational drug use, and verified that I was up to date on mammograms, pap smears, and colon cancer screenings, as well as vaccines for flu and COVID. I verified my surgical history as well as my current medications and dietary supplements.
He told me about a âtop surgery classâ available for patients where one of the Kaiser surgeons âpresents and talks about surgical techniques and options within top surgery,â and includes a panel of patients who have had top surgery. I signed up for the February 8th class.
Within 10 minutes he told me that he had âsent a referral to the plastic surgery department at Kaiser Sacramento,â and that I should be hearing from them in the next week or two to schedule a consultation.
Appointment for Testosterone
On January 27, I had a 13-minute online appointment with a primary care doctor at Kaiser Davis to discuss testosterone. The doctor verified my name and preferred pronouns, and then directly asked: âSo, what would you like to do? What kind of physical things are you looking for?â
I told her I wanted facial hair, a more muscular and less âcurvyâ physique, and to feel stronger and androgynous. She asked me when I wanted to start, and I told her in the next few months. She asked me if I was menopausal, whether I had ovaries and a uterus, although that information should have been on my chart.
The doctor said she wanted me to come in to get some labs so she could check my current estrogen, testosterone, and hemoglobin levels before starting hormones. Then âwe'll set the ball in motion and you'll be going. Weâll see you full steam ahead in the direction you wanna go.â
That was it. I made an appointment and had my lab tests done on February 12. My labs came back on February 14, and the following day, after paying a $5 copay at the Kaiser pharmacy, I picked up my testosterone pump. That was easy!
Top Surgery Consultation
On the same day I received my labs, I had a Zoom surgery consultation with Karly Autumn-Kaplan, MD, Kaiser Sacramento plastic surgeon. This consultation was all about discussing my âgoalsâ for surgery, not about whether surgery was needed or appropriate.
I told the surgeon that I wanted a âflatter, more androgynous appearance.â She asked me some questions to get a better idea of what that meant for me. She said that some patients want a âmale chest,â but that others âwant to look like nothing, like just straight up and down, sometimes not even nipples.â Others still wanted their chest to appear slightly feminine and only âslightly rounded.â I told her that Iâd like my chest to have a âmale appearance.â
âWhat are your thoughts about keeping your nipples?â she asked. âAre you interested in having nipples or would you like them removed?â I told her that Iâd like to keep my nipples, but to make them âsmaller in size.â She asked me if Iâd like them moved to âthe edge of the peck muscleâ to achieve âa more male appearance.â I said yes.
I was asked to show my bare chest from the front and side, which I did. Then she asked me how important it was for me to keep my nipple sensation. I replied that it was important unless it would make recovery more difficult or there were other associated risks. She highlighted the problem with the free nipple graft, saying that removing the nipple to relocate it means âyou're not gonna have sensation in that nipple and areola anymore.â However, some nipple sensation could be preserved by keeping it attached to âa little stalk of tissueâ with âreal nerves going to it,â but that would require leaving more tissue behind. I told her Iâd go for the free nipple graft to achieve a flatter appearance. It was also suggested I could skip nipple reconstruction entirely and just get nipples âtattooedâ directly onto my chest.
She told me I was âa good candidate for surgery,â and put me on the surgery wait list. She said that the wait time was between three and five months, but a cancellation could move me up to a sooner date. Also, if I wanted surgery as soon as possible, I could tell the surgery scheduler that Iâd be willing to have any of the other three surgeons perform my mastectomy. Outpatient top surgery would cost me a copay of $100.
They contacted twice, in February and March, notifying me of cancellations. If I had accepted and shown up on those dates, they would have removed my breasts. This would have been less than five months from the time I first contacted Kaiser to inform them of my new ânonbinaryâ gender identity.
How Far Can I Go?
I decided to see how easy it would be for me to get approved for a phalloplasty. Known euphemistically as âbottom surgery,â phalloplasty is the surgical creation of an artificial penis, generally using tissue from the thigh or arm.
I sent an email on March 1, 2023, requesting to have a phalloplasty and concurrent hysterectomy scheduled alongside my mastectomy.
Two weeks later, on March 16th, I had a 16-minute phone call with a gender specialist to discuss my goals for bottom surgery and obtain my referral.
During the call, I explained to the specialist that I wasnât sure about taking testosterone anymore because I was already quite athletic and muscular, and that taking testosterone didnât make much sense to me. Instead, I wanted bottom surgery so that I wouldnât feel like my âtopâ didnât match my âbottom.â I told her:
But what I really wanted was to have bottom surgery. So this way when I have my top surgery, which sounds like it could be very soon, that Iâll be aligned, that I wonât have this sense of dysphoria with one part of my body and the other part feeling like it matched who I am. So yeah. So I just did a little bit more research into that. And I looked at the resources on the Kaiser page for the MST clinic and I think I know what I want, which is the hysterectomy and then at the same time or soon after to be able to have a phalloplasty.
I told her that I wanted to schedule the top and bottom surgery concurrently so that I wouldnât have to take more time off work and it would save me trips to San Francisco or Oakland, or wherever I had to go for surgery.
None of this gave the gender specialist pause. After a brief conversation about some online resources to look over, she told me that she would âsubmit the referral now and weâll get this ball rolling.â
Bottom surgery would cost me a copay of $200, which included a couple of days in the hospital for recovery.
Phalloplasty Surgical Consultation with Nurse Coordinator
On May 16, 2023, I had a short surgical consultation with a nurse coordinator to go through my medical history. This was similar to the consultation for top surgery but included information about hair removal procedures for the skin on my âdonor siteâ that would be fashioned into a makeshift penis. They also went over the procedures for determining which donor siteâforearm or thighâwas more viable.
After only 15 minutes, she submitted my referral to the surgeon for another surgical consultation.
On May 25 I received an email from my phalloplasty surgeonâs scheduler, informing me that they have received my referral and are actively working on scheduling, but that they are experiencing delays.
I ended my investigation here once I had the referral for the top and bottom surgery. I never used my testosterone pump.
Final Thoughts
In fewer than 300 days, based on a set of superficial and shifting thoughts about my gender and my âembodiment goalsâ triggered by the mere mention of âgenderâ in a form letter from my primary care physician, and driven by what could only be described as minor discomforts, Kaiser Permanenteâs esteemed âmulti-disciplinary teamâ of âgender specialistsâ was willing, with enthusiasmâwhile ignoring mental health concerns, history of sexual trauma, and rapidly escalating surgical requestsâto prescribe life-altering medications and perform surgeries to remove my breasts, uterus, and vagina, close my vaginal opening, and attempt a complex surgery with high failure and complication rates to create a functionless representation of a penis that destroys the integrity of my arm or thigh in the process.
This describes the supposedly meticulous, lengthy, and safety-focused process that a Kaiser patient must undergo to embark on a journey to medically alter their body. No clinician questioned my motivations. No one showed concern that I might be addressing a mental health issue through radical and irreversible interventions that wouldnât address my amorphous problems. There were no discussions about how these treatments would impact my long-term health, romantic relationships, family, or sex life. I charted the course. The clinicians followed my lead without question. The guiding issue was what I wanted to look like.
No other medical field operates with this level of carelessness and disregard for patient health and welfare. No other medical field addresses issues of self-perception with surgery and labels it âmedically necessary.â No other medical field is this disconnected from the reality of the patients it serves.
Kaiser has traded medicine for ideology. Itâs far beyond time we stop the ruse of considering âgender-affirmingâ interventions as anything approaching medical care.
This isnât the first time Kaiser Permanente has been in the news for completely disregarding medical safeguards in the name of âgender-affirming care.â As girls, Chloe Cole and Layla Jane became convinced that they were born in the wrong body and were actually boys on the inside. Doctors at Kaiser ignored their underlying conditions and instead prescribed testosterone and removed their breasts. Both Cole and Jane have since detransitioned and are currently suing Kaiser.
The fact that children and vulnerable adults are being exploited in this massive ideological experiment is not just tragic; itâs deeply disturbing, especially considering it has evolved into a billion-dollar industry.
I hope that by sharing my story, I can bring more focused scrutiny to the medical scandal unfolding not just at Kaiser but also at medical centers and hospitals across the Western world. These institutions have completely abandoned medical safeguards for patients who claim to be confused about their âgender,â and I aim to awaken more parents and assist them in protecting their children.
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==
This is completely insane.
Apologists online are running around saying, but she didn't mean it, she was lying, she was pretending...
It doesn't matter.
Any kind of security, penetration or integrity test is insincere too. When security researchers compromise Microsoft's operating system or Google's browser or whatever, "but they didn't mean it" is not a defence to a discovered security flaw. It doesn't matter that the security researchers didn't plan to steal data or money or identities. The flaw in the system is there regardless.
It doesn't matter that it was insincere. Because the workers didn't know that. They never checked, never asked questions, never tested. They had been taught and instructed to never ask any questions. They did what they were supposed to. And the system failed spectacularly. Because that's what "gender affirming care" means.
Additionally, the claim that Beth Bourne committed fraud is an outright lie. A patient cannot bill. They do not have the authority. The medical clinic is the only one that can bill, and they must supply a diagnosis and a medical necessity.
If they didn't diagnose her and just wrote down what she said, then they committed fraud. If they claim they did diagnose her, then they committed fraud, because the diagnosis they concocted was bogus. This, by the way, is actually going on. Clinics are reporting fake endocrine and other disorders to get blockers, hormones and other interventions. Jamie Reed and other whistleblowers have documented evidence of this. Beth Bourne is not responsible for what the clinic does. They have medical licenses and legal responsibility. Not her.
Additionally, anyone who actually read the article would know how she tested the system. She said things like, "I've always been not that feminine. So, maybe I get my boobs removed." And they said, "sure." Instead of saying, "wait, why do you think that?" Framing it as her lying is itself a lie. They violated their ethical obligations. That much is incontrovertible. And it's directly the result of "gender affirming care," where clinics and clinicians rubber-stamp anything deemed "trans" based entirely on ideological, not medical, grounds.
#Beth Bourne#undercover#undercover investigation#gender identity ideology#queer theory#nonbinary#non binary#top surgery#bottom surgery#double mastectomy#bilateral mastectomy#gender affirming care#gender affirming healthcare#gender affirmation#affirmation model#medical scandal#medical malpractice#medical corruption#religion is a mental illness
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Overblot!Yuu
I was thinking more on my overblot Yuu thanks to the picrew @twisted-confessions found and I got really sad about her...
OB!Yuu is calm and patient, she waits for the boys to continue attacking before she does anything. The boys are surprised that an overblot isn't fueled by a negative emotion, but Leona starts to notice something. Yuu is very calm, and she herself isn't attacking, but she's support for Grim. Leona realizes that Yuu's isn't wearing them down, she's stalling out the timer for herself.
I like to imagine that in the game setting it goes like this: Phase 1: Each dorm takes a turn fighting her to no avail, meaning there's 7 teams going on with their dorm members.
Cutscene: Once Leona tells everyone what's going on, they try to figure out what to do next and come to the decision that they have to overblot themselves.
Phase 2: Each dorm fights again, but this time with the one that overblotted. They deal more damage than Yuu can heal back on Grim. -For the dorms with less than 5 notable members, you can pick from ANY of the characters, but they have to be from THAT dorm, the locked in characters are all the dorm uniforms. All the overblots have a duo with someone from their dorm.
With each team transition, there would be a flash of Yuu's life before being isekai'd into TWST. Once they manage to defeat her, the NRC boys understood how all this happened. Yuu was forced to handle so many overblots that being near that much magic caused her own overblot. The staff come in and look around at the destruction, then Crowley walks in and all hell breaks loose.
#twisted wonderland#yuu homura#did i really think up a whole ass in game fight idea for yuu? yes yes i did cause I thought it would be cool#twst rambles
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The first (and likely only) expansion for Factorio, Space Age, comes out tomorrow, and I'm essentially just counting down the hours until I can play it.
For a while I was planning to stream it, because I like the idea of sharing in the joy of playing a game that I like, but I do think it's a really poor game for streaming.
The thing that's interesting about Factorio is the process of problem solving, and what's interesting about that (and what I think a lot of people get wrong) is the decision-making rather than the end design. But a lot of the decision making comes from trying things and seeing how they fail, or looking at spreadsheets, or just sitting there staring at the screen while your brain churns. And so the best form factor for Factorio gameplay content, at least in my opinion, is a tightly edited video that takes all the design stuff and compacts it down into a streamlined narrative.
So I thought to myself "ah, then if I want to share in the process of play, I should make edited videos". This seems more time-consuming than difficult, and I at least have faith in my ability to write a script, if not to do interesting transitions, graphics, or effects.
But this would be a real labor of love, and there's always something that gets in the way of production if you have to interlace production with content creation. I have personally never created content myself (aside from fiction, which is very very different), but I often think "okay, how did they get that shot though" and the answer is always "filming yourself doing a thing makes it take much longer as you think about how you want to film it and move the camera around and get audio and make sure the lighting doesn't suck".
And you would think that for a 2D videogame like Factorio you could simply hit the record button on OBS and then play normally, editing it down later. But if you want to make something of quality, then no, that's not enough, you want to have video footage that will match later narrative beats, you want to record without music and only sound effects so you can add in music later, since the cuts you'd add in would ruin the music otherwise. You want specific "moments" like a good view of the first rocket launch, and the way it looks when you turn a whole section of brand new factory on, and you want clean B-roll for if you need it, explaining a problem you're fixing. Essentially, you need to keep in mind that this is going to some day be content.
There are, of course, plenty of people who do not make good content. They film what they're doing and talk while they're doing it, and I guess there's a market for it, because they call it a "longplay", and ... I have no respect for it, frankly.
So I talked myself out of streaming, and talked myself out of making edited content, and that means that I'm just going to be playing the game like I would play any other game.
But there's a part of me that thinks ... man, I have stuff to say. I want to share with people, and make the experience a communal one, and hopefully manage to hit on something that makes someone say "I had never thought of it like that, but you're totally right".
I'm going to try not to clog up this blog with Factorio stuff over the next week or two as I make my way through the game. I'll probably write a review of the expansion, which will hopefully live up to my expectations, or not live up to them in interesting ways. But there's a part of me that wishes I could justify making high-effort gameplay videos for a rather niche game, or a love of the work of editing videos that would make it into not actually work.
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MILGRAM Best Song Tournament, Round 1, Match 6 ALL KNOWING AND ALL AGONY vs. TEAR DROP
Propaganda for both options under the cut!
Propaganda for AKAA:
"AKAA is wonderful song with such bitter irony, bc that doesn't look like song someone who was voted inno⊠And we know more about Haruka! we see his mother! AND "MAKE MY DREAMU COME TRUE"??? NO I AM NOT CRYING YOU ARE CRYING (also I should say this is first song i heard and I love AKAA so, so much <3 let's do it <3)"
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1. It establishes so much of Haruka's character and backstory that was omitted from Weakness!! It helps shape Haruka's character so much and really helped with voting.
2.THE VOCALS OH MY GOD. This song really lets the voice of Haruka's VA shine!! It has some really nice growls but also has that soft part in the bridge!!
Overall it's just really good I love Haruka Sakurai
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Propaganda for AKAA:
Definitely one of the most hype songs from T2
The vocals are Banging
Absolutely love the taxidermy symbolism
Haruka is a sad little puppy
Everyone stand for the Mommy Issues Athem đ«Ą
Propaganda for TEAR DROP:
"yuno kashiki enthusiast here anyways tear drop propaganda WE BALL
let's start off with the lyrics! holy fuck, i'm so glad yuno finally got to say what she's wanted to say!!
and she fully shows the fact that she does compensated dating through the lyrics ("the wanted wanting the wanted")
and even if it sounds like she's scolding the audience for the song, she's also scolding her clients! they only perceive her as a certain type of character and deciding that's all she is. She's upset that we decided based on how "naĂŻve" she looked instead of her actual crime (to be honest, I could write a whole analysis into why her murder is perfect for her character anywa) and she doesn't care what will happen to her, she needs her opinions heard
also kinda rap section?? banger fr
THE VISUALS!! GOOD LORD THE VISUALS!!! THEY ARE SO BANGER!!! they're really pretty and gosh i literally don't know what to say, the scene where vampire is in the background and it transitions to yuno sitting on her bed... the pink tinted glasses (YES FUCK I LOVE THAT MAN!!!!) THE COAT!! THOSE INBETWREN SCENES i'm obbing
AND THE INSTRUMENTAL!! PLEASE IM BEGGING YOU ALL LISTEN TO THE INSTRUMRNTAL OF HER SONG THERES SO MANY SMALL DETAILS!! SIRENS, TEAR DROPS RAHHH THE CLAPS/CLICKING TJE TECHNO PIANO GUITAR??? THE INSTRIMENTS I CANT NAME I THINK THEY ALL HAVE SOME READON OF BEING IN THE SONG AND I WILL FIND OUT IN AN ANAKYSIS POST I JUDT LOVE IT AUEUEU
literally tear drop is the banger ever i listen to this shit religiously thank you for listening to my tear drop propaganda"
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-Yunoâs voice. Enough said. -The imagery in the MV is brilliantly used, and doesnât shy away from the horrors of Yunoâs line of work. -Vampire cameo!!! -Almost Lo-Fi vibes to the instrumental?? I canât really explain it but itâs a vibe and Iâm 100% here for it,
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"For teardrop: The pink aesthetic in the MV as a whole makes it super nice to look at :D"
#milgram#milgramtournament#yuno kashiki#kashiki yuno#haruka sakurai#sakurai haruka#sorry for the delay!
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Apotheosis - Chapter 2
Ao3 - Masterlist
Chapter Summary: Halsin deals with the Flaming Fist that picked a fight with him in Sharess' Caress and gets a confession from Zilvira.
Relationships: Halsin x Female!Tav
Rating: Explicit (18+) for eventual smut.
Word Count: 4.4k
Chapter Tags: Non-consensual drug use (not between the main characters), physical violence, the Drow Twins make an appearance, smoking, drow!Tav.
Notes: A big, huge, thank you to @bhaalbaaby for beta-reading!
The Flaming Fist scrambled backward, falling flat on his backside as Halsinâs paws crashed against the hardwood floor, caging the vile man beneath him. Before he could attempt to throw another punch, Halsin pinned both arms to the floor and snarled.
Halsin hadnât anticipated getting into a fight, nor had he anticipated releasing the bear, for that matter. But everything happened so quickly. Wildshaping wasnât a calculated move, but it was effective â it got the man away from Zilvira.
Sprawled on the ground just a few feet away, Zilvira had managed to get herself to her hands and knees. She swayed as she pushed herself into a sitting position and caught his gaze for just a moment. Her wine-red eyes were glassy and filled with an emotion that Halsin seldom saw on her: fear.
Damn it, he should have stepped in sooner. The conversation appeared amicable when he first spotted the blond man chatting with her from across the room. She had been smiling and laughing, and the man seemed genuinely interested in her. Though Halsin had wanted to speak with her, he hadnât wanted to interrupt. If she had found someone to spend the night with, who was he to get in the way? She was free to do what she liked.
Yet, his reluctance to interfere dissipated the moment Zilvira stumbled out of her chair.
As a monk, she was one of the most agile and athletic people Halsin had ever met. She fought with the swiftness of the wind and moved with the grace of a feline. Even drunk, she had entertained others around the campfire by walking on her hands, smoothly transitioning to her feet, and pirouetting away to fetch more wine.
Even more concerning was the look on the young manâs face. An air of expectation hung heavily around him, and his once charming, boyish smile turned greasy.
Pleased, even.
There wasnât an ounce of concern in his expression as he wrapped his arm around her like a constrictor about to squeeze the life from a mouse.
The Fist looked like a man who felt like everything was going exactly how he planned.
Yet, Halsin couldnât accuse the man of anything outright. He couldnât just charge in and demand the man to release Zilvira. No matter how his instincts screamed at him, he had to give the man the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps Halsin has just misread the manâs expression, or perhaps it was just a trick of the light.
Then he smelt it.
A distinctive and faintly recognizable scent that grew stronger as Zilvira and the Fist approached. Halsin was well acquainted with the scent due to his years as a healer, but not one that ever belonged in a brothel. With the myriad of odors permeating the air â tobacco, sweat, ale, and sex â it was difficult to determine the origin. But the pit in Halsinâs stomach told him that he knew exactly where the scent was coming from.
It wafted when the man gesticulated as he spoke and sharpened to an unmistakable point when his hand stuck Halsinâs jaw.
The Fistâs reeked of Ilmaterâs Mercy.
Ilmaterâs Mercy was a concentrated medicinal powder, often used as an anesthetic and sedative, which was derived from a root colloquially known as the Hands of Ilmater. As one of the most potent natural painkillers available in the Realms, anyone well-versed in medicine and healing would be familiar with it.
Just a pinch of it was enough to ease anxiety and promote sleep. A teaspoon was enough to effectively sedate someone before minor surgery or even ease the pain of childbirth. In higher quantities, it could cause complete disorientation and memory loss. Sharâs Oblivion, criminals and miscreants would call it.
A perfect way to subdue a victim.
To most people, it was completely odorless. Undetectable. Tasteless.
But Halsin? Halsin could smell it just fine.
And from what he could tell, the Fistâs entire palm was coated with powder.
Zilvira wasnât drunk.
She was drugged.
âGet the fuck off of me!â The Flaming Fist writhed beneath the immense weight of the bear to no avail. Terror shined in his pale blue eyes as he scowled up at him â putting on a tough face despite being indisputably outmatched.
Halsinâs lips curled back, showing off teeth the length of a manâs finger and as deadly as an executionerâs ax. The Flaming Fist had asked for a fight, and Halsin wasnât about to let him go so easily.
Not until he taught him a lesson
All manner of thoughts raced through Halsinâs mind, each one darker and more sinister than the last. What would have happened to Zilvira if he hadnât shown up when he did? What had the Flaming Fist planned on doing with her?
Had he planned on killing her?
Worse?
Whatever the answer, it couldnât have been anything good. Though Halsin tried to give people the benefit of the doubt, the man had quickly proven himself unworthy of such a courtesy. Hells, the man was barely worthy of the air he breathed.
It would have been so easy to crush him. To press his front paws down until he heard the snap of bones. To make the man beg for mercy.
Rage boiled in Halsinâs blood, but he held himself back; it wasnât his place to be judge, jury, and executioner. This wasnât the Emerald Grove and Halsinâs status as Archdruid meant nothing in the city. No matter how badly he wanted to, he had no right to take punishment into his own hands.
The bear wanted blood, but the man would have to settle for bruises.
As Fist struggled beneath the weight of Halsinâs paws, the hem of a silken black dress and a pair of leather sandals approached with quick, confident steps entered his periphery.
âHey!â A dainty foot with shiny, pink painted nails nudged Halsinâs paw like he was merely a house cat. âLet him up. Iâll take care of this.â
His eyes flickered to where another drow woman stood, her hands on her hips and a deep furrow to her brow. Nym, if he remembered correctly. Mamzell Amira had attempted to compensate Zilvira for finding her missing employee by offering her a discount on the services Nym and her brother, Sorn, provided.
Although Halsin had been a bit curious, Zilvira was decidedly less so. However, she considered a conversation with the twins to be payment enough since hadnât gotten many opportunities to talk with more friendly drow like herself. From what he could tell, she seemed fond of them and they seemed to like her in turn.
Nym frowned at Halsin as if he were a misbehaving dog rather than a cave bear. A quiet tendril of self-consciousness slithered through him. The look on her face reminded him of a Menzoberranyr matriarch; she was not going to ask him twice.
Maybe her interruption was for the best. Zilvira needed his help, and Halsin didnât need the Flaming Fistâs blood on his hands.
With more force than necessary, Halsin pushed himself off of the man and dismissed his wildshape in a shimmer of golden magic. As his back paws returned to booted feet and he shed his fur, Halsin stepped away from the man but didnât take his eyes off him for a second.
âConsider yourself lucky,â Halsin said through gritted teeth, his anger simmering just beneath the surface of his skin. âTouch her again, and it will be the last thing you do. Understand?â
Indignation and fury colored the Fistâs face as he scrambled to his feet. âYou just threatened and assaulted a member of the Flaming Fist,â he retaliated. âIâm placing you under arrest. Keep your hands off your weapons and keep the bear⊠away.â
Halsin fought the urge to roll his eyes. The man couldnât be serious, could he?
While what the Fist said was technically true, only someone exceedingly confident or incredibly stupid would attempt to bait a man who could turn into a bear.
Yet, the man stood before him, holding Halsinâs gaze with his hands balled into fists, unwilling to back down and accept his defeat.
By Silvanus, he was completely serious.
Halsin furrowed his brow and blinked at the man once. âAre you dense?â
âDonât make this difficult for me. I â â
Nym stepped between the two of them, her spine straight and her expression fierce. âWe all saw you throw the first punch, dumbass,â she said as she jabbed a manicured finger at Fistâs armored chest. âThe druid had every right to defend himself.â
The Fist sputtered, his eyes wide and his mouth gaping like a fish on land. âThe druid was harassing that poor woman,â he said as he gestured roughly toward Zilvira, who had been helped into a sitting position by Sorn. âHe tried to grab her, and I protected her. What the Hells was I supposed to do?â
Gods, he was still trying to convince people of that lie?
Halsin clenched his teeth. âThatâs not what happened, and you know it.â
âShe doesnât even know you! She â â
âHalsin?â Zilvira said, shattering the Fistâs lie before he could even finish telling it. Her words were slurred and sleepy. Her normally bright, inquisitive eyes were dull and unfocused, her head propped up by Sornâs shoulder.
Her throat bobbed as she swallowed. âHalsin, Iâm scared.â
Those three words were like a knife to his heart and hurt more than the blossoming bruise on his jaw.
Zilvira had survived being kidnapped by mindflayers, taking on a camp full of goblins, navigating the Underdark, traversing the Shadow-Cursed lands, and fighting everything from Githyanki, cultists, undead, Illithids, and even an avatar of a god. In every circumstance, she wore a brave and stoic face. If there was an ounce of fear within her, she did not let it show.
But in all of those instances, she could fight. She could run. She could see and think clearly.
The Fist took all of that away from her. With just a dash of Sharâs Oblivion, he had taken away her every means to defend herself. And for what?
What did the Fist want with Zilvira?
What would have happened if Halsin had shown up just a few minutes later?
The bear rumbled in his chest, clawing at his ribcage in desperation. Wanting to be released once more so it could finish the job and let the Fist face the full fury of natureâs wrath.
Halsinâs nails bit into his palms as he glared contemptuously down his nose. âI donât know what you were trying to do with her, but I know protecting her was the last thing on your mind,â he said, his words low and deliberate. âYour palm is coated with Sharâs Oblivion â I could smell it on you â and it seems my friend is suffering the effects. If you value your hide, youâll get out of my sight.â
Color drained from the manâs face. His expression faltered as he took a single step back. âThatâs quite the accusation,â he said, unable to hide a slight tremor in his voice. âWhat the Hells do you mean you could smell â whatever you said it was? There â â
Nym made a pinching gesture with two fingers as if threatening to pin the manâs mouth herself. âIf you know whatâs good for you, youâll listen to him and leave at once.â
The Fist sputtered. âYouâre not kicking me out, are you? Over the flimsy accusation of some creep? Do you think that will hold up when I call the other Fist?â
âIâm kicking you out for assaulting another patron.â
âI was defending an innocent woman,â he tried again, somehow sounding like he was actually buying into his own story as he encroached on Nym. âIf anyone should be kicked out, it should be that ogre there, and if you werenât such a stupid bitch â â
A sharp slap rang through the room, and the Fist clutched his cheek.
Nym flicked her wrist a few times as if trying to wave away the sting from her hand. âCall the Flaming Fist, and everyone in this room can tell them how you made a colossal ass of yourself.â
The crowd of people that had gathered around them, most of whom were glaring at Halsin just a moment ago, turned their ire toward the Fist. Not one of them looked at the man with an ounce of sympathy.
Halsin may have caused the bigger disturbance by wildshaping, but the Fist had committed a far greater crime.
From what little Halsin knew of the Flaming Fist as a whole, the corruption within their ranks ran deep. Unfortunate as it was, the man was unlikely to face any real consequences for his actions simply due to the uniform he wore.
Public embarrassment might be the only punishment the Fist suffered, but it was better than nothing at all.
The Fistâs jaw ticked, irritation and humiliation evident on his face. âIâll have you both arrested,â he sneered. âI know where to find you.â
With that, the Fist clipped Halsinâs shoulder and stormed past him. Nym immediately followed behind the man, likely to be certain the coward actually walked out the doors.
Some of the customers trailed behind Nym, likely hoping for a little more drama to spice up their evening, while most of the others went back to their business. Whatever happened to the Fist was no longer Halsin's concern. Not for now, at least.
Zilivra was far, far more important than anything else at that moment.
He knelt down beside Zilvira and Sorn and took her wrist in his hand without really thinking about it, checking her pulse. Slow, but not slow enough to be dangerous. Thank Silvanus.
âSheâs a bit of a deadweight,â Sorn commented as he adjusted his hold on her, making it apparent that he wanted Halsin to take her off his hands. âIâve been trying to keep her awake, but I donât know â â
Halsin placed a hand on Sornâs bare shoulder in reassurance. âThank you, truly,â he said, carefully gathering Zilvira in his arms. âIâll take care of her from here. Is there somewhere more private nearby where I can evaluate her condition?â
Sorn nodded and stood. âTake Ffionâs old room. It was just cleaned this afternoon, and it hasnât been reassigned. Iâll get you the key.â
Cradling Zilvira against his chest, Halsin rose to his feet with ease. He hoped she couldnât hear the way his heart hammered against his ribs or the shakiness of his breath. The adrenaline in his veins hadnât subsided, but it was important that he appeared calm and collectedâjust for her sake.
The last thing someone in need of medical attention needed to see was the healer panicking.
âYouâre going to be alright,â he said and took a few steps after Sorn. âCan you talk to me while we walk?â
She blinked at him, bleary-eyed but with a pinched brow. âTalk?â
âI just want to keep you awake a bit longer.â Just long enough so he could monitor her symptoms. Once he knew any sort of danger had passed, heâd let her sleep it off.
Her face scrunched. âI donât want to talk to you,â she replied, burying her face into his leathers, having nowhere else to hide from him.
Despite what she had said, her ability to string together a sentence of more than two words filled him with a sense of relief. It wasnât any sort of definitive proof that she would be okay, but it was reassurance.
Fatalities or any long-term effects due to Ilmaterâs Mercy were rare but not unheard of. If Halsin caught any problems early enough, his magic could reverse them without much trouble.
âYouâve made that abundantly clear if the last few days were any indication.â He kept his tone light and matter-of-fact. Curiosity still gnawed at him like a hungry rat, eager for answers as to why she didnât want to talk to him. But it wasnât the best time to have that particular discussion.
Not after everything that just happened, and certainly not while she wasnât completely in her right mind.
People sometimes said odd things, or behaved in ways they never would otherwise, while under the influence of Ilmaterâs Mercy. Halsin once had a patient who began sobbing uncontrollably because Drizzt DoâUrdon had not come to her wedding, despite how she had never been married and had just turned twelve.
Anything words that came out of Zilviraâs mouth would have to be taken with a grain of salt.
Sorn returned just a moment later. âThe Mamzell says you can use the room as long as you need â no charge,â he said, handing Halsin a key decorated with a silky red ribbon. âFollow me.â
Patrons stared at them as Halsin carried Zilvira through the establishment and up two flights of stairs. Sorn made a flirtatious comment about Halsinâs stamina, seemingly in an attempt to lighten the mood, but Halsin was too focused on the task at hand to say anything witty in response.
Sorn led them to a room modeled after a library â if one ignored the paddles, whips, and handcuffs lovingly hung on the wall. But like Sorn had said, the room had been freshly cleaned. The smell of laundry soap, vinegar, and lemon lingered in the air, mixing with the sea air blowing in from the open window. The wooden floors gleamed as Sorn lit the oil lamps on the walls, casting the room in dim orange light.
Carefully, Halsin lowered Zilvira onto a raised bed in the corner of the room, propping her upright with pillows just to make it harder for her to fall asleep.
âDo you think sheâll be okay?â Sorn asked as he lingered in the doorway once he had lit the last lantern, concern etched into his handsome face.
Halsin nodded. âSheâll be fine. Maybe a little confused come tomorrow, but I donât suspect there will be any lasting effects.â
Seemingly satisfied with his answer, Sorn excused himself, saying he would send someone to the room with some food and water. Halsin thanked him â not just for the generous offer but for keeping an eye on Zilvira.
With Sorn gone, Halsin sat at the edge of the bed and ran his hands through his hair, and exhaled slowly through his nose.
It was an extraordinary stroke of luck that he got to Sharessâ Caress when he did â only the gods knew what would have happened if he had only been a few minutes later. Where Zilvira could have been, what that might have done to herâŠ
He pushed the thoughts aside before they started down a dark path again. She was safe now, and that was what really mattered.
Bed sheets rustled beneath him when he shifted to face her, partly kneeling on the bed with one foot still on the floor. âIâm going to use a restoration spell on you,â he said as golden magic shimmered around his fingertips and down to his wrists. âThis is going to take a few minutes.â
Without a word or so much as looking him in the eye, Zilvira nodded. It was reassuring, he supposed, that she was still present enough to remember she was angry with him.
Placing one hand on the side of her head and the other on her sternum, he carefully let the healing magic at his fingertips flow into her like a slow, warm, calming summer stream. It only took him a few seconds to confirm, without a shadow of a doubt, what he already knew â she had a hefty dose of Sharâs Oblivion in her system. Not enough to be fatal, thank Silvanus, but enough that she probably couldnât physically feel much of anything.
Silence fell between them like a thick fog as Halsin worked. The soft even sounds of her breath synced with his own. From the open window, the sounds of the sea and the distant chatter of people barely reached his ears.
After what felt like an eternity, Zilvira finally looked at him. Really looked at him. Not just a cursory glance over his face, but she was staring into his eyes like they held some sort of dark secret.
Moisture gathered in the corners of her eyes the longer she stared. Her lip quivered, and she sucked in a deep breath as two tears rolled down her cheeks. âI wish I could have you.â
The words gripped at his heart just as much as they muddled his mind. âYou have me,â he replied carefully, unsure what she meant. âIâm not going anywhere.â
Another tear cascaded down her face. âYou wonât have me. You donât want me. Not the way I want you.â
Halsin swallowed, trying to keep his mind on the healing spell before it ran away with her words. As much as he wanted to have this conversation with her, she couldnât be held accountable for anything she said at the moment.
âShh.â The magic faded from his fingertips and he withdrew his hands despite the sudden urge he had to touch her. To caress her cheek and press his forehead to hers and assure her that he wanted her too.
Gods, how could she ever think he didnât want her?
The Shadow-Curse had preoccupied his mind for a long time. That much was true, but he thought he had made his feelings toward her perfectly clear. Between their long conversations, the innuendos and flirtations, how he let her lean her head against his shoulder almost every night when they sat around the campfire, how he made sure never to miss their morning tea, and all of the times he had called her beautifulâŠ. How could she think anything else?
Still, it was a conversation best left for when she had a clear head. âGet some rest,â he said, adjusting the pillow behind her so she could recline comfortably. âWe can talk more when you wake up.â
She sniffled and stared at the ceiling. âI donât want to talk about it,â she said. âI already feel stupid enough as it is.â
âRest, Zilvira,â he replied gently, brushing a lock of hair behind her pointed ear so it didnât tickle her nose in the way that she always hated.
Just as he moved to stand, her hand flopped onto his forearm, her fingers clenching as if to grab him. âDonât leave me,â she said, a twinge of fear sneaking into her hushed tone. âPlease.â
He took her hand in his and gave her an affectionate squeeze, knowing well that it was unlikely she could feel his touch. âIâll be right here.â
A sad smile tugged at her red lips as she closed her eyes. âYouâre going to make it impossible for me to fall out of love with you.â
The only things Halsin could be glad for in that moment was that she was safe and she couldnât see the look on his face. Confusion wrinkled his brow, a frown pulled at his lips, as his cheeks heated with the implication of her words.
Zilvira was in love with him?
Every fiber of his being wanted to believe her, but he knew he couldnât. Not at that moment and not while she was in such a condition.
Even still, his heart soared with the hope that his feelings were reciprocated, that perhaps she cared for him the same way he cared for her. That she wanted him just as badly.
But if that was the case, why had she avoided him? And why did she say it would be hard to fall out of love with him like it was something she was determined to do?
Once he was certain she had fallen asleep â truly asleep rather than a trance â he carefully let go of her hand. She likely wouldnât respond well to him lingering at her bedside when she woke up. Perhaps a few days ago, Halsin might have stayed right at her side until the drugs wore off. Then again, a few days ago he was confident she would have been happy to see his face when she awoke.
As things were, it was best to give her space. He wouldnât dare leave her in the room alone, but he didnât need to crowd her.
Nym stopped by a few minutes later, bringing a pitcher of water and a basket of fresh fruit, bread, and cheese from the kitchen. She also informed him that the Flaming Fist was a bar regular at Sharessâ Caress, and it wasnât uncommon for him to leave with company for the night, but she didnât know if the previous company had been given the same treatment as Zilvira had. It was very possible that the Fist had done this exact thing dozens of times, and it was only because Halsin was there that he didnât get away with yet another victim.
Just the thought that Zilvira wasnât even the manâs first victim reignited his fury. Gods, perhaps he shouldnât have held himself back. The Flaming Fist was still out there â and he had said he knew where to find them.
It was most likely an empty threat, but Halsin wasnât about to let Zilvira out of his sight. And if Zilvira didnât accept his sentinel, then he would ask one of the others to keep an eye on her.
She could handle herself, but the man had managed to drug her and almost got away with it. Halsin wasnât about to underestimate him.
Halsin crossed the room, pulled a cushy, burgundy leather chair up to the open window and took a seat. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his smoking pipe and a satchel of tobacco and prepared it as he listened to the soothing sounds of distant waves.
Now that the danger had passed, he needed a moment to breathe.
Smoking always helped him relax. The taste and the smell of his favorite tobacco, the simple exercise of focusing on his breath. It brought back pleasant memories of his father, who had given him his first pipe, much to his motherâs chagrin. Halsin had crafted his current pipe himself, and painstakingly carved little oak leaves into the dark wood over the course of a few nights.
One night, in the Shadow-Cursed Lands, Zilvira had asked to try his pipe and ended up having a coughing fit while Wyll and Shadowheart laughed at her. Her red lipstick had stained the wood, and Halsin didnât bother to wipe it away, letting it fade on its own.
He kicked his feet up on the windowsill and closed his eyes, keeping his ears trained in Zilviraâs direction as he began to meditate.
She was safe. He had gotten to her in time.
And, gods willing, they could figure out everything tomorrow.
---
Beginning
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FT thoughts:
-kylian goal, cama assist
-vini goal, luka assist
-luka modric donât you EVER retire!!!
-jude works like a fucking dog every game and doesnât get any reward for it. mans was creating play, tracking back to the defensive line, making crucial tackles, providing endless options in the box, and he doesnât get a singular pass in a dangerous position. VERYYYYYY frustrating. and him getting mad at vini for not passing him the ball was very much warranted. like imagine you make a run from your half and into the box, and not getting a pass for an easy tap in. iâd be mad as hell too. get off his dick abt that. that was a normal reaction.
-fede finally got subbed off at a decent time for rest. times must be ending cause thatâs RARE!!! he did great (whatâs new)
-wtf was that defense in the second half??? lucas shouldâve seen that player. like he was the last defender. there was no fucking reason for that to happen. and iâve already seen ppl blame aurelien for that goal. it wasnât his fault. lucas was late as hell to track back on his runner.
-midfield looked really sharp, for the most part. i like how they played off each other. they were phenomenal defensively, just need to fine tune some of the outlet passes.
-back to this defense, there were too many times where the obs were too high and caught out in transitions. itâs october, why is this STILL a problem??? too many gaps too. itâs like the players are unsure what to do. i saw mili, aurel, and rudi ask about 25 questions in the first half.
-vini and kylian did well up top but my god⊠pass the ball!! there were so many wasted opportunities. that game couldâve been 3-1, 4-1, or 5-1 if they would just pass the ball instead of trying to do a glory solo run. like i get it, but you can be selfless sometimes. and then other times theyâre too selfless. like fix it.
-no arda or endrick⊠arda wouldâve thrived in this game. endrick wouldâve had endless chances to score.
-i did like the formation for the most part. just need to tighten up on the defense. they canât be too spaced out against barca, dortmund, or liverpool.
#real madrid#jude bellingham#aurelien tchouameni#kylian mbappe#vinicius jr#luka modric#federico valverde#at least they won
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đđCancer MarsđđĄ
đ IN THEIR FEEELZ
đ„”LIVIN FOR THE FEEELZ
đ FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELZ
đ„”Acts on feelings đđ
đ Their *mood* controls their actions and initiativeđ
đ„”Mommy issues? Ask them about their relationship with their mother. Itâs always âsomethingâ such as craving her validation.
đ Crying on the inside whilst plotting revenge
đ„”Sexy as heck and uses it as a tool đ€«
đ Falls in love with the worst people (can be a bit delusional in this regard)
đ„”Often feels like the victim (why me??)
đ Bad mood = doing nothing that day and doing nothing however long the mood lasts (perhaps for decades)đ
đ„”Impulsive towards lust (they live for âromanceâ)
đ Logic blocked by emotions when making their move â can often make the wrong move by believing they did it for LOVEđ«
đ„”Soft as butter đ§ except when theyâre in a mood (which is 90% of the time)
đ Just be nice to them (but donât get too close THEY BITE đ
UhhhâŠhope I do not get in trubby for dis đ
#astrology#horoscope#zodiac#astrology thoughts#astro#astrology update#astro observations#astro obs#astrology community#north node#cancer mars#cancer#cancerian#astrology transit#astrology aspects#astrology forecast#astrological compatibility#astro thoughts#astrology compatibility#astrology signs#astro notes#astrology observations#astro community#astrology notes
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Triangle Tuesday 2: The circumcenter, pedal triangles, degeneracy, and what even is a triangle anyway?
The circumcenter is almost as simple an idea as the centroid, which we looked at before. To define it, you start the same way. Take triangle ABC, find the midpoints of the sides Ma, Mb, and Mc. Then instead of drawing lines to the midpoints from the vertices, draw perpendicular lines through the midpoints. These lines all coincide at a point O, which is the center of a circle that you can draw through the vertices. The circle is called the circumcircle, and that's why the point is called the circumcenter.
I say almost as simple, but in a sense the circumcenter is simpler than the centroid, because you could easily discover it by accident in the process of simply finding the midpoints. Drawing that perpendicular line, the perpendicular bisector, is the standard way of finding the midpoint of a line segment. It's covered all the way back in Book 1, Proposition 10 of Euclid's Elements, and it's simply this:
So if you find the midpoint of all three sides of a triangle with this method, you've already identified the circumcenter. But that doesn't prove that the perpendicular bisectors always coincide, nor that their point of crossing is the center of the circumcircle. For that, let's return to Euclid (Elements, book 4, proposition 5). Euclid's proof is very straightforward, and leads nicely into something interesting, so we'll follow that, but I will state the theorem differently.
Theorem: the perpendicular bisectors of a triangle coincide and their point of intersection is the center of a circle that meets all three vertices.
Let ABC be a triangle with midpoints of the sides Ma opposite A, similarly for Mb and Mc. Draw perpendiculars to sides AC and BC from their midpoints to meet at point O. Connect three segments from O to A, B, and C.
Consider the two blue triangles. Their sies AMb and CMb are equal, since Mb is the midpoint of AC. They also have OMb in common. Their angles at Mb are right angles, and therefore equal. So they have two sides and one angle the same, making them congruent, and therefore OA = OC.
The same argument applied to the green triangles shows that OB and OC are equal. By transitivity, OA = OB and O is equidistant from the three vertices. The radii of a circle are all equal, so a circle centered at O passing through A also passes through B and C.
Finally, draw a line from O perpendicular to AB. This creates two white triangles with sides OA and OB equal, side OZ in common, and equal right angles at Z. The two triangles are then congruent and the two sides AZ and BZ are equal. So Z is the midpoint Mc, showing that the perpendicular bisectors all meet.
And the same argument works when ABC is obtuse. The circumcenter lands outside the triangle, and in this coloring the white triangles are no longer white, but all the relationships between the segments are the same.
(What Euclid didn't prove is that the perpendicular bisectors of AC and BC do in fact meet somewhere, that is, that they aren't parallel. It's not difficult, but I'm not going to prove that either, at least not yet, for reasons.)
Let's develop another idea. We located the circumcenter by drawing the perpendicular bisectors, but now consider doing this construction in reverse. That is, pick a point, and then draw perpendiculars to the three sides. The intersection of the perpendicular and the side is called the foot of that point with respect to that side. If you do that with with the circumcenter, the feet are of course the midpoints, but you can find the feet for any point.
And if we connect those three feet, we get a triangle. In this case, the medial triangle, which we have seen before. For a point in general, the triangle formed by its feet is called the pedal triangle of that point. ("Pedal" meaning "related to feet," and yes, that is why a lever operated with your foot is also called a pedal.)
So let's draw the pedal triangle for an arbitrary point, move it around, and see what happens. The point is going to sometimes be outside the triangle, but that's all right. With extended sides (dashed lines) we will still be able to draw a perpendicular to find a foot, no matter where the point is.
So there's something interesting -- the three feet become colinear and the pedal triangle flattens out into a straight line when the point is on the circumcircle. Does that always happen?
Looks like it does! So let's prove that. Below is a drawing of the flattened-out pedal triangle of a point on the circumcircle, all labeled up. I've also added a couple dashed lines to make following the proof easier. What we would like to show is that â JKP + â PKL = 180°.
We're going to extract some information from this drawing based on two facts: a) in a cyclic quadrilateral (meaning it has all vertices on the same circle), opposite angles sum to 180° and b) if two right triangles have the same hypotenuse, the triangles have the same circumcircle. I'm not going to prove either of those here because this post is long enough already, but both of these results follow straightforwardly from the inscribed angle theorem.
Theorem: For a point P on the circumcircle of a triangle ABC, the feet J, K, and L with respect to ABC are colinear.
Okay. PCBA is a cyclic quadrilateral, so
1) â BAP + â PCB = 180°.
And â BAP is the same as â LAP, so
2) â LAP + â PCB = 180°.
The two triangles AKP and ALP are right triangles with the same hypotenuse (the dashed segment AP), so all four points are on the same circle and ALKP is a cyclic quadrilateral. Therefore,
3) â LAP + â PKL = 180°,
4) â PKL = â PCB.
Quadrilateral PKCJ is also cyclic (again because of right triangles sharing the same hypotenuse), so
5) â JKP = â JCP
by the inscribed angle theorem. â PCB is supplemental to â JCP, so
6) â JKP = 180° - â PCB
and then combining 4) and 6),
7) â JKP + â PKL = â PCB + (180° - â PCB) = 180°,
which means that the pedal triangle of a point on the circumference of a circle is flattened to a line segment. Can we consider such a figure to be a triangle?
Now we can return to Euclid's omission in the existence proof of the circumcircle. Proving that the perpendicular bisectors aren't parallel is equivalent to proving that no two sides of a triangle are parallel, or that the three vertices of a triangle aren't colinear. Euclid didn't do that, but it's pretty simple, so he could have. And then he would simply have said that such an arrangement of line segments isn't a triangle. Modern geometers working with projective geometry can answer differently, and might say that this is a degenerate triangle, but we haven't gotten into that yet.
Let's do one more thing. We can extend the flattened line segment into a line, called the Simson line, after Robert Simson, who never wrote anything about it. It was actually discovered by William Wallace, but not named for him, because that's how things work in math.
The set of all Simson lines from all points on the circumcircle form an envelope in the shape of a deltoid, the Steiner deltoid, named for Jakob Steiner, who for all I can tell was its actual discoverer.
The deltoid is tangent to the sides of the triangle at three points where the Simson line coincides with the sides. I'll have more to say about this lovely deltoid later, but for now, please just enjoy this gif. It took me several hours to figure out how to make it, so if people reading this could spend a collective several hours staring at it, that would be great.
If you found this interesting, please try drawing some of this stuff for yourself! You can use a compass and straightedge, or software such as Geogebra, which I used to make all my drawings. You can try it on the web here or download apps to run on your own computer here.
An index of all posts in this series is available here.
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Lmao the way I said replacing Lo with Nichelle was a questionable decision defensively and KC immediately conceded. You're right this coaching thing seems easy
Taking Yaz and Rose out is a choice
#tbf KC doesnt have a 1 for 1 replacement for Lo#except Des who probably isnt fit to play a full half#which is a seperate issue#but against this orlando attack i think you put Ball or Ballisager on and shift to a 5 back#rather than replacing her with a 9#stack your defense and find moments to unleash your OBs on transition moments
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âWhy Do Your Actual Play Videos Look Like Ass?â
ROUGH BUT FAIR
I got asked this, albeit indirectly, back in January. At the New Yearâs Open Hearth Community meeting someone relayed theyâd heard this comment about our Actual Play videos. This referred to not just my channel, but our community collection of actual plays built up over eight+ years.Â
Itâs a lot of sessions. A lot of games. My stuff alone is over 1000 sessions over dozens of systems.Â
And itâs a fair question. They might stumbled on to one of our video roundups or seen a session shared. I can understand their reaction, especially if theyâve watched heavily produced and edited videos like those from Critical Role or Dimension20. Or even if theyâve followed one of the many talented teams who stream on Twitch or elsewhere with seasons, transitions, and nice visual templates. Theyâre all great watchesâ especially streams featuring indie games and diverse casts.
So whatâs up with us?
Answering that question takes a little bit of set up and explanation.Â
The short answer: You know that reliable YouTube repair video recorded on a phone by someone in their garage? Thatâs us.Â
The long answerâŠ
WHAT THE WHAT IS OPEN HEARTH?
Weâre an online tabletop rpg community. Weâve been around in some form since 2016. Game facilitators post series and sessions on our calendar and people can sign up there. Every gameâs run under our code of conduct and has to use a layered set of safety tools. Our GMs teach any rules and while we lean into indie and storygames, we also have folks who love OSR and more trad-leaning games (like my runs of 2d20, GUMSHOE, Imperium Maledictum, 13th Age, and the like).Â
We have a patreon which gives backers a 48 hour window to sign up for sessions before theyâre open generally. But we also have folks running games specifically for new players which set that aside. Weâre always looking for ways to get new folks into sessionsâ like the open gaming events we do a couple of times each year. After folks have played with us a couple of times, theyâre welcome to post their own sessions and series. We also do irregular âGame Facilitator Campsâ to help people learn and polish their online GMing skills.Â
Since the beginning some of our GMs have videos of our sessions and collecting those on our YouTube channel. Game facilitators mention in their event description if they plan to record. Not all sessions are recorded and posted. Itâs not a requirement. In most cases, players can say theyâd rather not be recordedâ and in all cases a GM needs to confirm before posting any session publicly. For example a couple of times Iâve had folks ask for me to trim out personal info or emotionally fraught moments from a session.Â
All of these recordings are rough. Theyâre the raw play of the session: unedited and wysiwyg. Iâm recording from Zoom, some folks use Streamyard, and a small group of the more technically savvy use OBS+. On occasion I remember to pause the recording over breaks or during character creation when everyoneâs tooling away on their sheets. But generally itâs like sitting in the room while someoneâs running a home game. Theyâre messy, mostly on topic, trying to get to grips with the rules, figuring things out together.Â
And I love it for that. Theyâre not polished. A comment made in connection with that âwhy do your APs look terrible?â question suggested we were some kind of âelite gaming association.â I fear that impression might come from my posting a lot of game thinking, history, and analysis in our social media feeds.Â
The truth is that I post those things in a desperate bid to have content. In our community we mostly talk about what games weâre playing and what games we want to play.
Bottom line: weâre a bunch of folks getting together to play our elf-games, make silly voices, and try to tell fun stories together. Weâre trying to do that in a way thatâs inclusive, takes safety seriously, and evolves over time.Â
So why post actual play videos in such a state? I have some answers, in order from most important or probably least importantâŠ
FIVE REASONS
First, these videos shows how a particular game actually works at the table. Our community plays a lot of different gamesâ Iâd argue one of the largest collections of different systems. It serves as a great resource if youâre curious about a game, setting, or system. Most of us who record include our session zero as well as play sessions. So you get to see whatâs involved with that, how to manage set up, and the kinds of collaboration which happens. You also see, warts and all, the rough patches and stumbling blocks.Â
For example, I love Hearts of Wulin, but building Entanglements takes a lot of work during character creation. Donât get me wrong: it's also the most important. Entanglements up the conflicts and plots youâre going to explore. But it requires you to both do some heavy creative work and listen to the other players at the same time. Sometimes I manage that phase really wellâ sometimes I forget that it has a higher cognitive load. Then I have to lean in and help folks navigate creating those.Â
In a similar way, our AP illustrate the flow of play. What does resolution involve? How long does combat take? Where do folks get bogged down? Thatâs useful and can tell you if this is a game youâd be comfortable playing or running. Beyond that you get to see how much people seem to be enjoying and engaging with it. We present the naked truth of the game. All the rough edges remain and I think thatâs great. Itâs not for everyoneâ especially if you like a more polished presentation.
Second, you get to see safety tools in action. If you want to know how GMs carefully present a layered set of safety tools, watch a couple of session zeros. Different game facilitators will approach this in different ways, but we stress that GMs explain and actually implement a couple of tools. In my case I use Lines & Veils as a baseline, the X-Card as a reactive tool for resetting & calibration, and Open Door so folks know they arenât trapped in a game. You can see how these tools donât present a burden, donât get in the way, and do enhance play. It reduces some of the worry people may have about joining a group of strangers online. It isnât perfect, but these tools offer a baseline. Iâm a white dude with all the privilege that brings, but I wouldnât join in a random online game unless I knew tools like those were in place.Â
Third, like other online streaming games: curated, edited, or otherwise, you get to see good GMs and players in action. Itâs a great way to learn and pick things up. Not necessarily the full-on art of theater and improvisational acting, but what good play looks like. How you move the spotlight around. How you work to bring others into your scenes. How you collaborate to build a setting and vibe. How you handle end of session debriefs and feedback. Thatâs useful and, I think, confidence building.Â
Fourth, and more selfishly, these videos are a decent advertisement for our community. Itâs a decent and cheap way for us to keep our name out there. Beyond the videos, as I mentioned above, people can listen to these sessions as podcasts now. Itâs also a way for us to boost the work of designers. Itâs not a review, comment, or five stars but it does show how much weâve enjoyed a particular game. I always dig it when I see designers resharing sessions, I hope it helps them increase their audience.Â
Fifth, I like having those videos out there because they celebrate our GMs. Theyâre the engine of our community: folks who enjoy running games and put in the effort to entertain and engage a group of folks. We have amazing game facilitators and what strikes me is how different their approaches can be. I learn something new whenever I play with another GM here.
But on a related note, I will admit that I like having cover for my vanity. By placing my sessions alongside others, I manage to conceal how much my posting these sessions is an act of ego. Iâm more than a little vain about my GMing. Â
STARS AND WISHES
Overall we hope to be a useful and accessible resource for folks playing ttrpgs online. We hope folks will find their place in this hobby. If someone comes and plays with us, thatâs great, but weâre more interested in just getting people to play anywhere.Â
If you want to check out our collection of Actual Play Sessions, like and subscribe to our YouTube channel.
If youâre interested in just listening to sessions, you can subscribe to our podcast.
If you want to see the Playabl calendar app we use for organizing
If you want to find out more about our community, see here.Â
We have Discord weâre working to do more with.
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irt your reblog about gastric bypass... both of my parents got gastric bypass surgery. i watched them literally almost starve to death after surgery because they physically couldn't eat more than two bites for WEEKS while the stapled shut pouch was healing. it's truly terrifying watching your parents who used to be chubby (not even ""ob*se!"" they were just like... 200-250 pounds!) turn into gaunt walking skeletons who nearly pass out from a lack of nutrition. they also regularly vomit because what used to be their stomach would barely be full, so their body doesn't give them any sensation of fullness, so they overeat and 5 minutes into dinner their tiny pouch overflows. they have dental issues now from all of the puking. they seem happier and im all for bodily autonomy but like... its was so clearly not a decision based on actual health but instead on the medical fatphobia ingrained into society
what makes it even more ironic is my mother is 1) a literal NURSE and 2) vocally against my transition and gender affirming surgeries because "im mutilating my healthy breasts and reproductive system...." the hypocrisy is really hard to bear.
That is so god awful, for them and for you. Body autonomy is only important if helps you fit into the idea of conventional beauty standards ig
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