#trans for trans childhood friends whats better than this

[limpfisted]

@charlatann [ meetings and names and mustaches, new beginnings, and old friends all so serendipitous. ]

Most of camp is snug in bed, fast asleep, or at least pretending to while they roll their eyes and listen in. Not Wyll. Not Ren. They're at the center of this stage. They have so much to talk about, so much to catch up on. Serendipity---that name, that beautiful name, a deep, low swing like a swig of your Father's brandy as you chug it down and smash the glass upside down just to rip the back of your soft, worn sleeve against parted, heavy breathing lips. It feels like a win, like a championship. As if Wyll put in a bet at the stables he forgot about---and one of Tymora's fine gentleman priests had just informed him he'd won not just the jackpot, but the horses.

Serendipity. He could say it and feel it a thousand times and it would never be enough. He sighs, leaning his head back against his pillow. "Say-ran-dip-eet-ee." A slow, smooth, heavy sip, drunk with giggles and spent from laughter, he near-slurs out every syllable as he coos it out less like a dove after the flood, and more like a content pigeon scoring the biggest, greasiest chunk of fried fish dropped on the docks.

"Hey. Say my name, too."

He hasn't heard it in a long time. Wyll Ravengard. But. No. That's not important. He just wants to hear Serendipity say it.

He was the first person Wyll ever told his name, technically. Before his Father, even. It was just a little game of pretend. Were he to be a knight, he would have to be a proper knight name, and title. He scratched his head, and stroked a chin bereft of anything but baby smooth skin. Maybe... Wyll?

It wasn't his first choice, in truth. They tried on Balduran (no), Minsc (no), and even Boo (cute, but Wyll Ravengard is no mouse, let alone a hampster!), but they both agreed, too-big, too-small heads bobbling wisely like great, tiny halfling kings and sages---that a name must be one's own legend. His name would have to be a title, a light and north star to guide him through any darkness, any desert, any tundra. (And there was always darkness, deserts, and tundras in their made-up tales, so it was of course, naturally important that the children, and heroes, and the young dragon-knight-prince-princess, would need to be able to brave these elements especially if he wanted to save and impress his dearest friend.)

Wyll remembered his Uncle with the funny mustache and funnier name---Wyll with a y, and though he did not much care for the Uncle, he would have his name anyway and make it his own legend, and be much nicer to good kids who simply asked him about his very funny mustache, because he dared to perhaps want one of his own one day, and that was that.

In hushed voices, in green yards and autumn orchards and plush bedrooms, chasing each other with sticks and stuffed animals in fabric armor, messily hugging each other's arms and kissing hands and picking each other up only to drop each other down like "good friends" do in fairy tales, Serendipity was the first person to call him Wyll.

He'd like to hear it again. And again. And again. And maybe never stop hearing it from him again, ever.

[0bsc3ne]

for some reason I've never had the urge to sh through cutting? i've done it maybe twice and both times it just felt :/. it's not that i'm afraid of blood or pain or something, in practice i'm fine with either and probably have something of a fascination, but it's just? never felt satisfying? and this isn't a complaint really its just. Odd, i guess? like. i feel like my brain should at least get some sort of satisfaction from it but it just. Doesn't.

[covington-shenanigans]

so I'm on this app, Marco Polo, where you stay in touch with people by means of sending video messages. (there are probably other features, but I'm a free user, so I remain blissfully ignorant of them.) mostly I use it to annoy my sister. ("BITCH WHAT IF I GOT A PHALLOPLASTY AND HAD A BABY SHOWER FOR MY DICK. WE COULD HAVE ZUCCHINI FRITTERS. DICK-SHAPED PASTA. BANANAS FOSTER. DO U SEE MY VISION")

anyway, during the Hell Year of 2020, I saw my childhood best friend (let's call her Lee) was on this app. and like.

when I say "my childhood best friend", I mean the Weird Girl next door, who saw the Weird Girl that I was. I mean the girl I played with from age five until just shy of eleven, when my family moved away. I mean the girl I played with every day, for hours and hours, making up all kinds of elaborate scenarios involving our menagerie of stuffed animals. there were multiple overlapping, soap opera-style plotlines that lasted for years. there was drama. heartbreak. glory. she was the first friend I remember having. she was the first girl I ever loved, in my five-year-old way.

well, I hadn't seen Lee in at least 20 years and I was like, "holy shit! Lee!!!" so I sent her a "hey, nice to see you here, how you been" message.

again, this was late 2020.

now, I had been on T for a scant three months when I sent the first message, so I was a mere baby child, relative to the gruff manly man I am now. no beard, my voice had only started to wobble, still had tits... you get it. keep this in mind, it'll be important later.

I never heard back from her, but we're both Old, so I was like "eh, she probably forgot she installed the app" and forgot about it. we'd exchanged text messages at some point during the Hell Year, but like many people my age she doesn't really text, and I'm not calling anyone if I don't have to, so our communication had been sporadic, at best.

well. today I got a notification that she sent me a reply on Marco Polo.

I figured, well, she's replying to me 3.5 years late, but better late than never. I have ADHD and no friendship degradation mechanic, so I'm excited! yay! friend! :D

and then I remember. "...oh shit. she doesn't know I'm trans."

so. the thing is. I'm from Mississippi, which is. very very fucking conservative. I know Lee grew up Southern Baptist. I also know she's still living in the same town where we grew up and where she eventually graduated from high school and college. last I checked she was still attending the same Southern Baptist church where she grew up and her remaining living parent is still living in Lee's childhood home.

so this is either going to be Fine or it's going to be a disaster. lol.

in thinking it through, I figure either she's seen my updated profile pic, where I have the beard etc., or she hasn't. so either she's going to acknowledge this change or she isn't. okay. these are the possibilities. so I watch the message.

...the secret third option is... she seems to not realize when I sent the message? "sorry, I missed this when I was at work!" girl. what? I mean, you probably did miss it while you were at work... three and a half years ago. possibly she meant to reply to someone else and got me instead?

whatever. who knows. doesn't matter.

because I have the opportunity to do the funniest fucking thing in the world now

[on-leatheredwings]

any hc for male reader x yandere batfam?? any of them will work. also the batboy didn't know he was bi at first (unless you're doing Tim). and the reader is dealing with internalized homophobia?

somethin short n sweet :]

Soft! Older! Yandere! Damian Wayne / Male Reader

> romantic > tw/cw: internalized homophobia, references to violent homophobia > word count: 723 > a/n: just something short and sweet... > male reader can be cis or trans

"Study with me," is what Damian Wayne says, before placing a pile of books on your already-crowded table.

His clean cut appearance contrasts with the hipster, rustic interior of your favorite cafe. It’s not really his scene, as far as you’re aware. Both the decor and the abundant crowd. 

You lean back in your chair, narrowing your eyes. "Wayne.” You have to try not to sneer.

You are acquainted with him, after all. His marks are always top of the class, and yours are always seconding. You’re at Gotham U entirely on scholarship, just having transferred from community college. You’re first in your family to go to college, period, and they were risking everything for you to be here. You had to be top of your class if you wanted to pursue your post-grad plans. 

Always being second to this nepo-baby billionaire is a bitter knock to your self-esteem. You wince, feeling sharp pain on your ribcage. One you don’t need with all the other bitter knocks your classmates already give you.

You stare up at the man, wishing he hadn’t caught you in your seat. You blink, realizing that he isn't moving. "Wait, what did you say?" you ask.

“... I said, 'study with me.'" He elegantly lands in the seat across from you at the all-too-small table. "I’ll be sitting here.”

You gape at him.

“But– y-you don’t even like me…?” Damian had never spared you the time of day until … this day. You assumed you were a gnat to him at best. Just some brokie who managed to sneak his way into his school.

How utterly wrong you were.

Damian Wayne hadn’t expected to end up with anyone other than a woman, he supposed. It had been assumed of him during his childhood and he hadn’t questioned it. From a young age he had been aware of homosexuality, and that men could be attractive, but he hadn’t considered it for himself in any serious capacity. 

Even Timothy coming out didn’t spur any curiosity from him. Despite his siblings teasing, his closeness to Jon was entirely platonic. So Damian just assumed, like the majority of the world, he was heterosexual. Until you had transferred into one of his classes and stole his breath away.

Damian’s eyes narrow and, if you can believe it, glimmer with interest. “I don’t recall ever saying that. For all you know, I could be quite fond of you.” His eyes lower to where your lips lie. “... Or at the very least, interested.”

You cheeks heat rise to your cheeks, before you flinch. There's no way. He didn’t mean it like that. Yet despite discerning his expression… Oh fuck, maybe he meant it like that? You panic, head snapping away from his. No– no. You are not going to be weird about this. You could have a friend here. 

The last time you misinterpreted friendliness from your peers as romantic advances... Those bruises are still healing, still aching when you stretch and bend. Your stomach roils with hurt, fear, and betrayal – no. You weren’t going to repeat the same mistake this time. You’ve been ostracized from most of your peers by now. ‘Pervert’ and ‘predator’ they named you. But maybe… you could have a friend here.

In your silence, Damian finds tendrils of curiosity churning in his stomach. He wants desperately to talk to you. To hear you speak. To listen to you talk at length about the lectures he finds so droll, but you find rapturing. Test scores meant nothing. He may be better at memorizing the text, but he’s read your essays. He clears his throat, lifting his chin on instinct to feign confidence.

You look up at him shyly, before realizing you’ve been mulling in silence like a freak for the past few minutes. Damian doesn’t mind, having been able to openly admire you.

You cough, trying to ease the confusion thrumming in your veins. “... Well, fine. I could use a sounding board.”

“Shall we start with the next test review?” Damian offers, flipping open a book.

You perk up, having been about to suggest lighter reading rather than the dense, metaphysical chapters your professor recommended. You nod fervently, lips curling to Damian’s delight.

“Yes, please,” you say, metaphorical tag wagging.

New friend, new friend, you inwardly cheer. 

Damian’s thoughts run considerably more romantic.

[hollandsfavbabe]

Peter's Precarious Polyjuice Potion - part 1

pairing: peter parker x stark!reader

synopsis: in which you and peter are forced to take extreme lengths to protect your secret relationship with the help of your shape shifting powers

warnings: a little suggestive language, lot's of fluff, lack of impulse control, extreme secrecy

word count: 5.7k

masterlist

a/n: Just a quick psa: this is the first of two parts! I tried to make it a one shot, but it was wayyy too long. There are some mentions of Harry Potter, obviously by the title, but no major spoilers and I want to make it very clear that I DO NOT support JK Rowling nor her transphobia. Trans women are women and trans men are men🏳‍⚧! That being said, I have another little surprise in the works that may have something to do with the wizarding world...

If you want to know what it is (and maybe get a sneak peak) comment your favorite character from the series and make a guess as to who you think mine might be. I'll reveal it with the next part of this series.

Thanks and enjoy!

Was there anything better than a chilly winter morning with the one you love most? Absolutely, a chilly winter morning with the one you love most and Harry Potter in the background. That’s all you could think of as your fuzzy sock clad feet padded across the campus floor. 

The festive season’s aroma invaded your senses as you managed to steal the first four films from your father’s extensive DVD collection without being caught, the cover of the first one glinting in the light that flooded in from the wall of windows encasing Avenger’s campus as you admired how young the cast used to look and made your way to your boyfriend’s bedroom.

Suddenly, the usual quiet of the campus in the early morning was disturbed by the sound of footsteps of another Avenger in the distant halls and using your powers you immediately concealed the DVDs into a stack of school notebooks and a folder of overflowing miscellaneous papers as a facade. It wasn’t unusual for you to use your gifts this way.

It was only five years prior during a mission in the Czech Republic that you were introduced to Peter Parker and while everyone had expected the two of you to get along as teens of the same age, no one knew just how close you and Peter really were. The rule had initially started at Stark Tower as a branch off of one of your father’s household rules: no dating superheroes. You thought he would be less strict as your life became centered around them, as did his, but you had no such luck. There was little chance Tony Stark would ever change the rules set for his little girl. So you were left to bend them instead.

While you and Peter seemed like close friends, you only started out as a platonic couple before your relationship escalated faster than either of you could’ve anticipated into something more fulfilling than you could’ve ever hoped for. Peter became your everything. Before you knew it, he was your rock. He was the first person you wanted to share a new dirty joke with or an unlocked childhood memory or even complain to when your father became too restricting. It was so much easier for the both of you to be together during high school. Being a college sophomore made your relationship much more complicated. Especially seeing as Peter stayed close to home at NYU and you left town to attend MIT (your father would never let you go anywhere else).

With campuses that were over a 4 hour drive away from each other, you and Peter only got the occasional three day weekend to spend with each other and that was only when you were able to evade spending time with your dad by making up an excuse as to why you couldn’t come home and held your ground until you had to eventually cave to his demands. The only time you and Peter really got together was during holiday breaks when you two could both be at the campus and sneak around like smitten teenagers all over again. With only three weeks, you were determined not to waste a single second with so little time, even if it meant using your shapeshifting ability to disguise wizard school movies as chemistry homework. What could be suspicious about two close friends sharing notes about stoichiometry?

You felt your heart start back up as Natasha passed you in the hallway instead of your father, shooting you a smile. 

“Morning, y/n.” she greeted pausing to look at your stack of folders with a look of confusion.

“Uhh, good morning.” you croaked, praying that there wasn’t some defect in your ability that allowed her to see a portion of the one of the movies you were disguising. Thankfully, your facade held.

“Homework? Really? This early on a saturday?”

You gulped as you nodded.

“You know me,” you forced a smile. “I’m actually on my way to wake Peter up so we can review together.”

“Good for you,” she nodded, impressed. “Breakfast should be in a couple hours if you two want a break. Try not to get bored!”

“Thanks?” You shrugged before continuing off to where you knew Peter’s room was, conveniently all the way on the other side of the building from your own. Soon enough you were at Peter’s door, turning the knob and entering without knocking, quick to shut it behind you to prevent anyone else from seeing how eager you were to ‘study.’ Surrounded by the comfortable closed walls of privacy, you let your platonic friend disguise fall and set the stack of papers on the edge of Peter’s bed.

Your boyfriend was still tucked beneath the covers, as was expected. You two had made your marathon plans ages ago and after losing several rounds of rock paper scissors, Peter’s room was made the place of the marathon meaning it was your job to wake him up. Overall you thought it best as you were more natural at lying (literally as you were aided by shape shifting powers) and a little more strategic when it came to social interaction and plotting.

You neared the stirring boy, his sleep disrupted by the clatter of the discs and the movement of his bed as you sat down to kiss him.

“Peterrr…” you whispered, hovering above him with an unshakable grin etched upon your face. “Wake up.”

You awoke him by placing a soft kiss on his nose and smiling down on him as he furrowed his eyebrows in aversion. It wasn’t until his eyes fluttered open that he grinned as he saw you and craned his head up to kiss you properly, his lips soft against yours, slipping a hand up from under the covers to cup your cheek.

“Morning.” he greeted, smiling affectionately as he sat up against the wall behind his pillow, pulling you into his lap so that he could kiss you once more. That was until he took a look at what you had brought, books and paper for studying. He cringed, pulling you closer and kicking up his covers in disgust.

“Oo no. I refuse to study on a Saturday. Can’t we save that for the last minute like every other time we’re together?” his lips turned into a sly grin as they neared yours once more.

You laughed as his complaint sparked many memories, most of you both tangled up together out of what started as procrastination, but ended up in unbridled desire that poured out after being built up each time you were away from one another for too long.

“Nice try, Parker. And here I thought we’d have a nice time today. Don’t you remember our plans?”

As you gesture to the folders and notebook on the edge of his bed they instantly shrunk back to their original form. All of a sudden, instead of the obnoxious red notes and blue folders filled with paperwork were the four DVDs with their easily recognizable covers that screamed nostalgia. Peter’s face lit up instantly, a mix of excitement and relief as his morning amnesia faded away. But even still, his seductive grin returned as he slid you further up his lap.

“We can’t start just a teeny bit later?” he teased, his fingers sending chills down your spine as they glided up the sides of your thighs. One of the downsides of how long you two had been together was that Peter knew exactly how to bend you to his will. “I think I’d rather spend our first morning together a little differently.”

He leaned in for another kiss, but instead of meeting your lips in the middle, his mouth was met with your finger as you pulled away and sat next to him, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek before shuffling into his comforter. It was by luck that your Stark genes made you extraordinarily stubborn and resistant to his persistence.

“Maybe later. Right now I am seriously craving a Hogwarts escape,” you lightly pushed Peter towards the DVDs, hinting that he would have to be the one to pop it into the reader. You teased him as he left his bed, grinning wickedly. “Besides, Harry’s wand is way bigger than yours.”

Peter’s head whipped around as the previews started to roll on the flat screen TV behind him that could be found in every resident room on the campus.

“Hey,” he pouted, though there was still enough of a smile left that you were sure he knew you were only kidding. He settled beside you, tucking an arm behind your head so you could rest on him as you normally did when you shared a room. “It’s hard to compete with 11 inches.”

After skipping through each advertisement for movies that had come out over a decade ago and finally selecting the play option on the movie menu, Peter planted a soft kiss on your forehead as the movie finally began and the familiar notes of the main theme played from the speakers.

“I think you should wake me up like this every morning.” he mumbled into your skin.

“I think that would be nice.” you agreed and nuzzled closer into him.

You two spent the entire first movie just like that, two nerds wrapped up in each other so close that you could hear each other's heartbeats, but so involved in the film that you didn’t get distracted by the distant pulsing of them.

“I think I'd make a great chaser.” you confessed during Harry’s first quidditch game.

“No, I think you’ve got it all wrong,” Peter argued. “I’d make a great chaser. You’d definitely be a beater. I mean legally hitting people off of flying brooms in a competitive wizard sport? If that isn’t right up your alley, I don’t know what is.”

“You’re right.” you agreed right before Harry crash landed into the sand, the golden snitch popping out of his mouth.

It was after the first movie that you started feeling peckish and by the way Peter squirmed to change positions every few seconds, you could tell he was feeling the same. Two hours awake without any food was an abnormal event for you and as a result your stomach was growling loudly. As you had other needs to attend to, you excused yourself and offered to grab the two of you something from the kitchen to snack on during the rest of your marathon.

“I’ll get it babe, you can stay in bed.” Peter offered, sitting up with you as you stood from his bed.

“That’s alright,” you assured him, handing him the disc to the second movie and the sleek black remote that controlled the monitor. “I’ve got to go to the bathroom so I’ll grab it on my way back.”

Peter laid back, his hands coming behind his head on the pillow as he eyed you on your way to the door. You smiled at him in confusion, wondering why he was admiring you so when all you were doing was fetching food.

“What?” you questioned, sliding on a sweatshirt over your pajamas.

“Sometimes I can’t believe we’re together,” he admitted. “You’re way too good for me.”

You giggled at his honesty as you moved towards the door.

“Are you still trying to sleep with me?” you teased.

“No,” he admitted, shaking his head adamantly. “...but I’m not opposed to the idea.”

You rolled your eyes playfully as you turned to leave, chuckling to yourself.

“I’ll be back soon. You can save the sweet talk for then.”

Though you couldn’t see his face, you could picture Peter’s smile as you shut the door behind you and meandered to the bathroom closest to the Avenger’s kitchen before starting towards the food.

As promised, the breakfast feast awaiting you smelled gloriously of hot buttered pancakes, sweet maple syrup, and so many other wonderful items. You prepared a lie to explain Peter’s absence as you entered the kitchen and grabbed a plate, when suddenly, the voice of your dad sounded from behind you.

“Ahh, y/n!” he startled you, causing you to drop your plate back on the stack of white porcelain where you had just barely plucked it from.

“Hi dad,” you forced a smile, turning to face him. “What’s going on?”

“I’ve been looking for you. C’mon, it’s family meeting time.” he stated casually. You realized then that the dining hall was eerily empty for a Saturday morning. The weekly buffet was normally packed with superheroes or at least a starving Thor. You furrowed your brows in confusion, never before having heard of any such meeting as you followed after your father.

“Family meeting? What about breakfast?”

“It can wait. I’ve got something we need to discuss.” you dad explained as he opened the tempered glass door to one of the many meeting rooms at the campus which was normally reserved for more professional causes.

“Okay. I’ll get Peter.” 

“No time, come with me. Peter’s not invited to this one.” your father informed you as he grabbed your arm, pulling you with him inside of the meeting room where every chair was already filled by various heroes who also resided at the campus. You gave a small wave to those who cared to acknowledge your arrival and wandered to stand in a corner at the back of the room while your father took up the front. From what you could tell, everyone else was as confused as you were. You pulled out your phone just before it commenced, giving you enough time to shoot Peter a quick text explaining your prolonged absence.

 I might be awhile

That’s fine. Take your time.

You fought the urge to smile at your boyfriend’s message as you slipped your phone into your pocket and looked up to your father who was commanding everyone’s attention.

“Thank you for coming, everyone. Really, I appreciate it.”

You recognize a feminine scoff from the right of the table, Natasha shaking her head, a fearful gesture from your main combat trainer. It was a general rule around the Campus, along with don’t introduce Steve Rodgers to ASMR: don’t get Natasha Romanoff angry unless you want to be dead.

“Cut the bullshit Tony. We’re all too tired and hungry to be here for longer than necessary. Get to the point. Why are we here?”

Others voiced their agreement and Tony put his hands up.

“Fine. I prepared a nice little welcome speech for you all, but I guess I’ll skip to my main point. You’re welcome by the way.”

Natasha rolled her eyes.

“The reason I’ve gathered you here today is to discuss a serious matter concerning one of our youngest recruits who I’ve purposefully made sure is not in attendance - ” he stated as he pressed one of the buttons on the controller to the meeting room monitor, the picture popping up on the screen of a face that was all too familiar to you with tousled brown hair and chocolate eyes. “- Mr. Peter Parker.”

Your heart stopped as you heard your boyfriend's name roll off your fathers lips. From a lifetime of knowing him you were sure whatever he wanted to discuss couldn’t be good. You tried your best to not look so shocked and managed to keep a neutral expression as you mirrored Bucky who did not care for the conversation whatsoever. In fact, his expression resembles that of someone who was desperate to deck someone.

“Ah yes! The Man of Spiders!” Thor called out, quite possibly the only Avenger who seemed to be not in the least bit irritated.

“Yep, that’s the one. Here’s the thing,” Tony began as you braced yourself. “It has been two years since he graduated high school. That means he’s had two whole years of college life to get out there and make some new connections, to be a kid! But instead he comes home late every night and is always so exhausted. He’s working way too hard. So I propose that we help our little spiderling find someone he can lean on and turn to. Someone who can really help him slow down and start to be himself. It’s time we help Peter get a girlfriend.”

Your eyes shot open as his words hit you, you had to force your hands to stay down and try not to react too much. You looked around at the reactions of the others, searching for someone who may agree with you, but much to your disappointment, no one seemed as against it as you were. It seemed the topic of helping Peter made the annoyance of the meeting more tolerable and many Avengers were nodding their heads in agreement. Thor especially as he hollered in his seat in clear support.

“Yes! Wonderful idea! A lady spider! Tis like those Midgardean movies that are so popular around this time of year! What do you call them? Wrong-Cons?”

Everyone looked around in confusion.

“Thor is referring to the movie genre of romantic comedies or rom-coms.” Vision explained. With the confusion cleared others started agreeing more.

“Yes, the boy needs a break,” Wanda concurred. “And I love a good rom-com.”

“He works too hard.” nodded Nat.

Others started muttering to their neighbors how they also agreed as you shook your head in utter disbelief.

You pushed off from your place on the wall, quickly gathering the attention of the others as you joined your dad at the front.

“Are you guys crazy?” you laughed nervously. “Peter doesn’t need a girlfriend! Yes, he can be hard on himself sometimes and I agree he needs a break, but that doesn’t mean you should try and shove something in his life that he has never shown any liking towards.” you explain, trying your best to sound as unsuspecting as possible. 

Here in the crowd of adults, you were only Peter’s best friend and you wished to keep them in the dark for as long as possible, especially considering your father forbid you from growing a closer connection to Peter.

To your surprise, another Avenger stood to back your point as the Winter Soldier himself took on the crowd.

“She’s got a point, Tony.” Bucky agreed.

“Yes! Thank you!” you smiled, gesturing at Bucky a little too excitedly.

“We shouldn’t force the boy into something if there’s no confirmation of his own interest,” the Winter Soldier restated, earning a nod of encouragement from you. “There’s probably a reason he hasn’t gotten a girlfriend and I think we should leave him to discover himself if you know what I mean.”

“No, no that’s not what I meant,” at once you started refuting his claim. “Peter’s not gay, he’s just not interested in dating.”

“So he’s asexual? Is that what it’s called nowadays?” Steve asked, his tiny notebook of modern definitions at the ready as he pulled a pen from the pocket of his flannel pajama bottoms. He too had only just woken up.

“No. I mean yes that is a real and valid sexual identity and some people don’t have a desire to be with someone romantically, but that’s not Peter. He’s interested, just not right now.”

“How can we trust that the Tiny Stark knows what she says of the Man of Spiders?” Thor quirked a brow at your claims. You nearly blew up at him as he asked, glaring at the rest of the room on the edge of insanity from the thought of them shipping off your boyfriend to be with another.

“I’m his best friend, okay?! And I know him better than any of you so I know for a fact that he doesn’t need a girlfriend right now!”

Your father grasped your shoulder gently, a weak attempt at calming you down.

“That was exactly my next point. You’re his best friend and you’re right. You know him way better than any of us.” your father agreed. You gave him a thankful smile, glad to finally have him on your side.

“Thanks, dad-”

“That’s exactly why you’ll be out intel and our connection to Peter in ‘Operation Pair Parker.’ That way he won’t suspect anything.” he interrupted with a proud expression.

You stared at him with wide eyes.

“You already named it!? You’re kidding right? You have to be kidding. You all know this is just unbelievably crazy right?” you asked the crowd.

“I don’t see a reason why not. It’ll be good for the kid to have someone.” Natasha disagreed and by the disapproving looks from the others, you could tell her opinion was shared by the majority.

“Exactly. See everyone gets it and we need you to carry it all out,” your father continued. “I already have a few people in mind that I can pair him with. The only reason to not to would be if you know something we don’t. Peter isn’t seeing anyone, right y/n?” your father eyed you, suspicious of your relentless attitude towards his thought out plan. You knew you couldn’t own up to it, the risk of discovery was much too great, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t anything you could do to shut down Operation Pair Parker.

“Well, I didn’t want to expose Peter since he’s only just barely told me-” you began, hardly believing the words were leaving your lips. “-but he has been seeing someone and I think it’s getting pretty serious.”

“Oh really? And who is this girl?” your father interrogated.

“Or boy.” Bucky added.

“It’s a girl,” you clarified, hurrying to think of exactly you could pin Peter’s secret relationship on without creating too much damage. “Her name is um, MJ!” you exclaimed as the name came to you. It was perfect too as she was one of your best friends and someone Peter could’ve easily hypothetically gotten with ages ago.

“You mean the overwhelmingly unenthusiastic girl that Peter has only ever talked about once?” You could tell by his raised eyebrow and narrowed eyes that Tony didn’t believe you, but there was still time to convince him. And you would do anything to end this scheme.

“Yep,” you gritted your teeth, letting out a fake laugh that you hoped sounded convincing enough. “That’s the one, good old MJ. You know what they say, opposites attract.”

Tony wasn’t fazed as the intensity of his suspecting expression lingered on.

“You sure he isn’t seeing someone he’s closer to? You’re not dating him right?” he questioned, reminding you of the age old rule. Under no circumstance were you and Peter allowed to see each other. No matter how many battles you had fought together nor how many times he had protected you from harm. Not even if the world was on the brink of collapse. Never.

“Yeah, you’re acting pretty suspicious.” Sam chimed in.

“Is something up, y/n?” wondered Nat.

You burst into nervous laughter as you thought of a plausible excuse and your web of lies deepened.

“Oh, you guys are too good. You’ve got me! I have been seeing someone.”

“I knew it! Lady Stark is with the Man of Spiders!” Thor pointed accusingly towards you.

“You did not know that.” argued Wanda as Thor had been the least suspecting of all the Avengers up until your false confession. It didn’t help that he was also the most gullible.

“No! No, no, not Peter,” you scoffed, choking out a laugh. “His name is um… Flash!”

Your face burned red as you realized who’s name had just slipped out of your mouth. Oh why hadn’t you said Ned? At least you actually enjoyed spending time with Ned. But as your father’s face shifted and your lie began to work, you knew it was too late to go back now.

“Flash? You mean that boy who’s been mean to you and Peter since you were kids?” your father knew exactly who he was through years of his name popping up in counseling sessions Tonty provided to help you figure out how to defend yourself in public without using your  powers.

“Yeah. He’s actually really nice once you get to know him and we’ve been together for a little while now.” you tried, changing your voice to match the same doting pitch it took on whenever you talked about Peter.

“Huh,” Tony pondered, but eventually shrugged the confession off as your lies snapped into place. He turned off Peter’s image on the monitor, leaving a blank black square in its place. “Well, in that case, the operation is off.”

“Alright, I guess that means I can go…” you smiled, ready to sneak off to finally grab some breakfast and more hidden moments with your real boyfriend.

“And date night is on!” Tony cheered unexpectedly.

Your eyes widened as your stomach dropped in realization of what you had just done. You and Peter were really in trouble now and it was all because you couldn’t admit the truth.

“Date night?” you repeated uneasily.

“To celebrate my children finding love, I want you both to invite your sweethearts over and we’ll have a big dinner so we can get to know them. Let Peter know he has to invite MJ.” specified your father which could only mean he expected you to invite Flash.

Oh shit. There was no getting out of it now.

“What a splendid idea.” deadpanned Vision who you could’ve sworn knew the truth about you and Peter as his room was next door. You almost glared at the android, but caught yourself.

“Yep, sure thing,” you grimaced, knowing that your lies would soon catch up to you. “And when is this whole thing supposed to be?” you asked, hoping it would be after the break so you and Peter could retreat to your separate schools instead of owning up. By then, you’d probably be able to come up with two break up stories so heart wrenching that the Avengers would understand why you would never want to date again.

“Let’s do tomorrow if we can. The sooner the better.” Tony proclaimed, pulling out his device from his pocket so that he could put the dinner into the following day’s agenda, scheduling it as a mandatory event.

You felt like you were gonna pass out.

“Great! I’ll just go tell Peter then. We’ll be ready!” you fake laughed as you walked off, truly dying inside as the crushing weight of what you had just done hit you.

Once you were out of sight of the Avengers (all of which started voting on what theme your dinner would be), you completely spaced picking up something to eat and sprinted down the hallway to Peter’s room. You stumbled in when you arrived, closing the door behind you and leaning on it, gasping for air from the rush.

“Hey baby,” Peter welcomed you back from his bed, lifting the remote to turn down the TV volume by a couple notches. “I hope you don’t mind, I started the second one, but we can totally rewind if you want…”

Confused by your lack of a reply, Peter looked at you and immediately sat up in bed, ignoring the film with a worry riddled face. The remote fell from his grasp and into the twisted sheets of his bed, never to be found again.

“Are you okay?”

You shook your head as you caught your breath, sliding down the door until you collapsed on the floor.

“No, Peter. Something terrible just happened and it’s all my fault.” you cried and curled to tuck your head into your lap. You weren’t quite to the point of tears, but it was enough distress to alert your boyfriend.

Peter sprung off his bed with a start, swinging his legs to the edge so that he could fully face you, but he was apprehensive about approaching your sullen form.

“Is it your period? Is that why you took so long? I knew I should have come to check on you…”

“No, I’m not on my period and I didn’t spend all that time in the bathroom. This is so much worse than that.” you lifted your head to speak so the words didn’t come out jumbled, but as soon as you had finished, your face returned to your lap.

Peter stood and neared you slowly, placing his hands on your forearms and squeezing you comfortingly as you lifted your head.

“I’m sure it can’t be that bad,” he assured you. “What is it?”

You inhaled deeply before rushing out a summary of the events that had taken place only moments before.

“Long story short, my dad was trying to hook you up with someone because he thinks you're so sad and lonely lately so I tried to get him off your back and now he thinks that you’re dating MJ and I’m dating Flash and we have to invite them to a big dinner with all the Avengers tomorrow.” you sputtered in one breath, gasping by the end.

“WHAT?!” 

“I KNOW!”

“How are we supposed to do that? I mean maybe MJ would agree if she were even in town… maybe, but we can’t invite Flash here!”

“I know!”

“Why didn’t you say Ned?!”

“I don’t know! That’s not the point, Peter. What I’m saying is that we need to come up with something fast.”

“I think we should just tell him.” Peter confessed, not one to share your disregard for the truth. Instead, he imagined a future where he could be more open with his teammates about the love you shared, maybe even rub it into Sam and Bucky’s faces as the three held a long standing rivalry since an opposing battle at a German airport. “Better fess up now.”

“NO! Peter, my dad will KILL US if he finds out we’re together!” you shut down his suggestion, too afraid of the consequences to even contemplate telling the truth. “We’ve got to come up with something better, I can’t let him win this.”

“Ugh, you Starks and your stubbornness.” Peter groaned. While he was well informed of your father’s rule, he didn’t understand why the two of you were so competitive, especially when it came to ethicality.

“I just wished there was a way we could pull it off without inviting either of them.” you pouted, staring off into the distance when the scene playing on the screen caught your eye.

The meeting had lasted so long that while you were gone, Peter had managed to watch up to Harry, Ron, and Hermione’s secret potion escapades in the abandoned girls’ bathroom.

“Add the hairs.” directed Hermione as the golden trio sprinkled the strands into their separate goblets of green sludge, so young in only the second film in the saga.

“You're right,” Peter sighed, his attention turning to the movie at the same time as you. “Things would be so much easier if we were wizards and could make Polyjuice Potion.”

Suddenly an idea popped into your head.

“Peter! That’s it! You’re a genius.” you exclaimed, pulling away from his hold and running across the room to his closet, flipping excitedly through his collection of colored flannels.

“Thanks,” Peter blushed, moving to sit on his bed once more. “Why exactly am I a genius this time?”

Your smile widened as you came upon it, Peter’s darkest flannel that distantly resembled something your dear friend MJ would wear. You pulled it on and discarded the hanger, throwing it haphazardly to another corner of the room as you looked at your boyfriend. You beamed at him as if you had just won the lottery. For a skilled liar, stringing together a new fake story was almost as accomplishing.

“Can I borrow this?” you asked.

“Of course,” Peter obliged. “You know how I feel about you wearing my clothes. Can I just ask why this in particular?”

“We can’t ask MJ or Flash to attend themselves so we’ll just have to become them instead!”

“What do you mean?” Peter asked.

You closed your eyes and concentrated, picturing MJ in your mind and spreading your arms out from your body as the familiar tingling sensation started and your body began to change from the will of your shape shifting powers. Before long, you began to resemble the quiet girl from your school. Your hair grew longer and curled into her familiar pattern as your jawline sharpened and your limbs lengthened until the girl standing in front of Peter was no longer his girlfriend, but the one and only Michelle Jones.

You opened your eyes that now resembled her dark brown ones and smiled at him, something MJ would never do. Peter’s own face lit up as he realized what you meant.

“That’s even better than Polyjuice Potion!” he grinned, watching you nod as you looked yourself top to bottom, satisfied with the extent of your abilities.

“I think we can make this work.” you stated, moving towards Peter who was gazing at you with admiration.

“You just need to master her facial expressions. MJ would never smile that much.”

You closed your eyes again and took a deep breath as you let your smile fade away to capture MJ’s unwavering neutrality.

“That’s perfect.” Peter complimented once you had mastered it. You chuckled out of pride as your usual smile carved back onto your face along with an affectionate look as you glanced at Peter. You leaned into him, lips at the ready to peck his perfect pretty face until you were stopped by his outstretched hands.

“What?” you questioned, unused to being denied by your boyfriend.

“As much as I would love to kiss you right now, you still look like one of our best friends.” Peter explained with reddened cheeks.

“Oh right.”

Quickly, you shook off your disguised form and shifted back into yourself. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you kissed Peter and allowed him to pull you in closer by your waist, his hand sneaking up to meet the skin under his flannel. It seemed at last he would get to have his own rendition of a perfect first morning with you.

After a few moments, he lifted away from your lips with a heavy breath to ask, “Does this mean I have to be Flash?”

You sent him a guilty smile.

“Sorry babe, but we’ve gotta do what we’ve gotta do.”

part two out now!

[sissytobitch10seconds]

I think it's kind of interesting that Viktor is overshadowed by his siblings both in the canon and fanon.

In season one I could understand it. Despite Viktor being the main character that literally drives the entire plot, everyone focuses on the other characters. People make fun of Luther for talking about the moon all the time. Everyone is almost creepily obsessed with Klaus and the Vietnam fling that he had. No one really talks about Allison, but her story is primarily linked with Viktor's since she's trying to heal their relationship (fandom misogyny too). I think that there's a decent amount of talk around Five since he's such a fascinating character. There's quite a lot of talking about Diego too, since he loses Eudora and spends a lot of time trying to take care of Klaus. But no one really talks about Viktor and the amount of shit that he goes through in s1. All the siblings other than Allison completely abandon him too, and Allison only wants the idea of a 'sister' that she's built up in her head since she lost her husband and daughter.

In season two, it makes even less sense to not talk about what Viktor has done. He has a queer love story with Sissy and we get to see way more development and chemistry for, Klaus and Dave had a montage and some sad lines from Klaus as opposed to an entire arc through ten episodes, but no one really does anything with it. Allison gets basically no attention for the same fandom misogyny issues as before. Five gets some attention because of the fact that he's exhausted and still dealing with the Commission (his fight scenes are amazing). Diego gets the same treatment as Luther did but a little more deserving because the plan to save JFK was stupid. Luther gets totally sidelined and ignored too, but people really hated him in S1 so I'm not surprised. Klaus gets all the attention again even though his plot outside of Ben possessing him is honestly really boring and makes me so uncomfortable.

Season three is where Viktor should have gotten the most attention. If we're considering the fact that the TUA fandom has a very queer audience, then they should be super excited and celebrating the fact that Viktor is trans. Not only that, but he's also working his ass off so that he can fix things for Allison and get her back to a timeline where her daughter exists or back to the sixties. I think a lot of people ignore that, giving Five more credit than he deserves for trying to fix the world when Viktor was doing that until Harlan showed up and he wanted to handle that first. A lot of attention during the debut went again to Klaus, which was actually warranted this time since he was plot relevant by showing us things about Reggie and discovering his powers. Diego got more attention since he was parenting Stan and fighting with Lila, which was nice. Five got some meme attention but nothing serious and Luther got a little bit of genuine love. But mostly people just posted the conversation where Viktor comes out to his family and continued to ignore him.

Now Season four is out and no one cares about Viktor. He stands up to Reginald and says all of the things that he needs to say, he fights like Hell to try and save Ben from the Durango and get him someplace stable, he owns a bar and got fucking KIDNAPPED. No one is talking about him, all people are doing is complaining about fivela and the ending.

Viktor moved to Nova Scotia probably to get better trans healthcare, but also because none of his siblings care about him. My man is a tiny trans man that got kidnapped and ransomed off the street and they couldn't care less about him when they show up, Five is taking notes about the room they're in instead of checking to make sure that his childhood best friend is okay. Luther may have made him best man at his wedding, but it was just because Viktor had only just come out and all the other siblings were non options (never been close with Five, butted heads with Diego who didn't even want the wedding to happen, not their Ben, and Klaus was officiating) which was the same reason Lila was Sloane's maid of honor. Diego and Viktor barely spare two words at each other despite their closeness in the comics. Lila and Allison say something briefly to him before they also fuck off further into the plot.

Viktor isn't liked by his family despite them trying to include him in it when it's convenient for them, and he's also disliked by the fandom. I went into the TUA tag and about half of the top twenty posts were about someone else with him tacked on as an afterthought.

[wisecrackingeric-2]

LONG ASS MESSAGE UNDER CUT!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS A MASSIVE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE!!! I’ll tag everyone whose made a star for this drawing in the replies- if I’ve missed anyone or if you wanna be added, PLEASE LET KNOW!!!!!!!

At the time of writing this, there’s about 40 minutes let of 2023, and I’m VERY DETERMINED to get this posted before 2024 so I am in a bit of a rush so alas, this may not be as well-written as I’d like it to be but that’s the price I must pay alas HDNEHENEJDN

I wanna start this by saying I’ve always had a lot of anxieties surrounding the New Years, and things changing- even just seeing posts that were from the year prior always seems to give me anxiety. Things change, people move on, while I stay with the same interests- it’s always been something I’ve struggled with, but making this has helped me come to terms with all of that and I’m glad.

Theres no better words I can say right now other than; Thank You. Thank you so, so, SO much to my friends, both new and old- my friends who’ve been here since the very beginning and have stuck by me through this whole rollercoaster- and to all of my new friends, who it sometimes feels like I’ve known you all for at LEAST five years and not like, five months or something HDBWHNWUDNDHDJS thank you to everyone who has ever been kind to me, supported me and enjoyed what I’ve created- I’ve recieved probably the kindest words I’ve ever heard in my entire life this year. Thank you to the people who stuck by me when times got tough and helped me through my own seemingly very insignificant or silly problems HDNEJENSK

This year has easily been one of the best years of my life. 2022, to keep it short, was awful- I came out as a Transgender gay man to my parents and it went awful. I was dealing with the worst mental health of my entire life and there were times it felt like there was no hope. On top of all of that, my childhood dog passed away- so all and all, I wasn’t looking forward to the future. But my loving partner introduced me to Resident Evil, and as a result the community as a whole- and to say it changed my life would be an understatement.

I know it’s obviously no secret that I have a favourite character, Luis Serra Navarro- but to say his character has changed me as a person for the better would also be a MASSIVE understatement. I’ve never ever in my entire life resonated with a character so profoundly before- as a queer and trans man, I saw myself reflected in his performance, and that means more to me than words can even describe. His character encapsulated me in a way no other has done before, and genuinely helped me accept my autism, my queerness and my trans identity as a good thing- I could write absolutely ESSAYS on his character and I have. I’ve consumed more Don Quixote media than I think I ever would have otherwise HDNEHENEJD and to say I’ve genuinely become a more confident and happier person because of his character would, again, be SUCH an understatement. It’s truly hard to describe how much he means to me, but I hope my words give a good idea.

For the first time in a very, very long time, I get to look forward to my future. I don’t see my Queerness or my Trans identity as a setback anymore; I have things to look forward to, plans I’ve made and a future I can look towards. And I cannot thank my friends- all of you know who you are- André and Andrea and everyone in my life and this small little community I’ve unintentionally formed for giving me that opportunity. Words will never be able to describe how grateful I truly am, but I hope this is close enough.

Thank you for letting me fully indulge in my autism and enjoy Luis’ character to the fullest. I’ve never felt happier enjoying something in my entire life.

Thank you everyone. For everything. May you all successfully defeat your own windmills <3

[teaforthotxxx]

Thinking of Wolfstar and how I sound like a freak trying to explain how

This

Became this

Like I would love to explain how around 2014, there was a sudden rise and resurrection second coming of christ our lord saviour Wolfstar. And, we fancasted so hard that almost 10 years later, we’re still stuck on this. And how most of the hp queer fandom started to latch onto these characters cause there was no other representation and these two started it all.

In the wake of she-who-shall-not-be-named spitting in our trans brothers and sisters’ faces, more of the hp fandom has retreated to the Marauders Era (a completely fanon lore with POCs and Queer people). That somehow this fanon non-profit lore had a better understanding of the world than canon and redeemed Slytherins by showing how inter-generational trauma affected them. By showing us that Bellatrix Lestrange was only a pawn in the Black family’s game. That Narcissa and Regulus were only doing what they had to do to survive. Sirius’ madness was not just for eccentric reasons.

This fandom highlighted the treatment of house elves. Talked about slavery. Talked about Queen Dame Lily EVANS’ childhood!! She wasn’t just a plot device to redeem Severus Snape. She was the muggle voice in the group. She was the witch that was outcasted by her muggle sister because she believed in magic. She was minority in two worlds. She was the Marauders’ friend. She wasn’t a prude or a damsel to be saved. She wasn’t just Harry’s mother. She was one of the brightest witches of her time. Harry inherited her WIT, her perseverance, her defiance, her pride, unrelenting nature. Harry Potter inherited more than her eyes. He inherited her ability to thrive in the face of trauma.

Joanne could have never given this to us. I don’t think any one person could give us this. This was a collection of rewritten lore from people who loved the universe it created but wished to be seen. And, I love my sometimes problematic and inconsistent little fandom.

How do I not sound insane doing this?

[deramin2]

Essek constantly gushing about his partner but pointedly not giving his name hits me so hard in the feels.

Two formative childhood experiences for me:

ONE

I was severely, mercilessly bullied as a child at every school I went to even if they're was no overlap of kids, and authority figures either ignored me or directly told me it was my fault. I was socially toxic. Any other kid who publicly associated with me was also targeted for harassment. I was best friends with a girl around the corner but because I was a couple years younger (in itself an invitation for bullying) and a parish, we could never let anyone know we were friends.

I've been told I should be upset at her for this, but it wasn't her fault. It was the other children who made it a fact that she would be harmed by publicly being my friend. She didn't make those rules, we were both just honest that it existed and there was nothing we could do to change that. The best we could do to survive was at least protect her. And that benefited me by actually having a friend.

So if we talked about each other it was"my friend." No names. No acknowledging we knew each other in public. No introductions to other friends. Keeping that divide up was necessary to survival. I had a couple friends on the same freak level as we and we were in fact targeted with additional harassment to get to the other person. It was a legitimate threat to live with. At some point I just stopped thinking it was ever necessary to reveal who my friends or family are unless it's both explicitly relevant and necessary.

TWO

I learned to use the internet in the late 1990s when anonymity was considered a best practice. Don't give out your age, sex, location, or other identifying information. You don't know who is on the other side of that screen or what they will do to you if they know. Sperate your online and offline worlds to protect yourself.

This helped reinforce experience one because clearly adults also acted like those kids and this just normal human behavior no one will ever put a stop to that you need to be on guard for at all times. Build in air gaps so if one of you is compromised it's harder for the perpetrator to get to other people you care about. Defending them through anonymity is a way of showing you love them.

Also since some family are searchable through have state government jobs that right-wing nut jobs chips target them for, I wanted to make sure they couldn't be connected to me as a queer trans disabled person active online. In case something I said led to them being targeted.

(This is correct advice, even though it flies in the face of modern online conventions. There are tons of malicious people on three internet who will target you and anyone you love if they decide to hurt you.)

RESULT

By default, I refer to people by their relationship to me, not their name. My friend, my partner, my parent, my family, someone I know, etc. Often I avoid gendering them to make it even harder to identify them. I have to consciously consider if the person I'm talking to has any reason to know my associate's name. Blacklist everyone, then whitelist exceptions.

I do this even if both people know each other because the specific association feels dangerous. Better to be viewed as acquaintances than a meaningful relationship that changes how either of us could be viewed. It's not even really a judgement on thinking the person is untrustworthy, I just don't want to spend any extra energy thinking about it. It doesn't even feel relevant because my relationship to this person fellas like it conveys more information that actually matters.

ESSEK

Essek knows both he and Caleb are being targeted by powerful people who have shown they will target loved ones to get to them. Additionally, tensions between the Empire and Dynasty are still high and it could very easily compromise how their own sides view them if it's known that they're romantically entangled with someone from the other side. It could also blow each other's cover and make their meeting places more vulnerable to attack. Especially if their enemies know they could hit both of them at once.

It's genuinely dangerous for their connection to be known, so they don't name names. It's not even a matter of whether Bell's Hells would intentionally misuse that information, but what they also could just let slip to the wrong person. It's not really worth the risk when "my partner" is all the information they actually need to understand him.

My guess is that Essek said "Bren" is hiss partner because they already know a Bren sent them to Astrid. And since Caleb no longer uses the name Bren it would be much harder to connect them. It would have caused more questions, more prying, and more risk to give no name for his partner when directly pressed. So he gives a truthful but less dangerous answer. The anonymity is an act of love.

[beneathsilverstars]

DO YOU HAVE ANY. headcanons about!! families?? outside of the party??

if not, relationships with food / cooking :]

Mira's family dynamics I talked about recently! Only child, lots of pressure to be her parents' perfect coddled baby, they loved her but couldn't love her bc they never gave her space to be herself. Let's say she has a mom and a dad, both trans. I think her parents struggled with infertility and had a previous late-term miscarriage — lots of time to desperately plan out their perfect family, and not much hope of a second child on whom to pin any of those dreams. They're so sad that she's not really in contact with them anymore, but they don't push it because they know they did something wrong, even if they don't quite get what they should've done instead.

Mira tried her best to go along with their plans and act properly as a child, but withdrew more and more as a teenager, then left at age 16. She didn't run away, and technically her parents gave their blessing, but they had a huge fight about it which had never really happened before. Sometimes Mira considers reaching out, but she feels too guilty about making her dad cry like that, and then upset that she feels guilty, etc. Easier to stay strangers.

-

Isabeau we know has a huge family! I think he has three older siblings and two younger (which means he has no older child responsibility, but also no younger child attention). Let's make them up real quick! But only with initials, I can't pull out names that fast.

31 - F - rebellious, angrily resists getting parentified 30 - J - overly kind, helps raise the younger kids, stressed 27 - M - neat freak, lots of hobbies/activities 24 - Isa - quiet, allergic to bothering anyone 23 - D - very sensitive both emotionally and sensorily 21 - L - fussy baby to loud and rambunctious child

The combination of D and L was very difficult! L knocks over D's tower, D starts wailing, L starts screaming, D cries so hard they throw up, etc. Also L's favorite activity from age 2-4 was escaping the house and exploring by herself! And that's why she was the last kid.

Let's say, two moms. Decent people, and good parents for the older couple kids at first, they love kids and looove babies! But they're a bit impulsive, and very stubborn, and really started to struggle with the last two kids. They still did a pretty good job with the most urgent issues, but they just didn't have time or energy for anything that wasn't an urgent issue.

Isabeau's parents often praised him for being so easy — you never cause trouble, you take care of yourself, you're so responsible! So he never went to them when he did maybe need help. Got good at teaching himself skills and repressing difficult emotions and not taking up space. Didn't protest chores, or other people not doing their chores. Didn't invite friends over. Didn't complain. Oh, Isabeau, so self-sufficient you hardly know he's there!

He got really good at reading a room! He's seen many a tantrum and argument, and quietly learned which resolution methods worked better or worse and even usually reasoned out why. He just... never did anything with that knowledge, because stepping in to mediate involves stepping in and becoming part of that conflict. Scary! And it's not like any of his siblings would listen to him, anyway, they barely remember he exists.

For the first half of his childhood, one of his mom's siblings lived with them too, along with their two kids. The cousins were nice enough, but 2 and 5 years older than F, and kinda fed up with all the young children pestering them. Though, out of everyone Isa was the favorite of the younger of the two, because he wasn't annoying and made a useful sounding board for her schoolwork. Isa got to learn about advanced topics and sometimes receive cool trinkets! Still not a super strong relationship, but he was devastated when she reached adulthood and moved out.

-

We know Odile's mom left when she was very young, I'm gonna say 1.5 years. She got past the baby period and went fuck, it's not getting easier? It's just getting different kinds of difficult? It's going to be difficult for the next 16.5 years??? And skedaddled. Odile's dad had also been ready for things to settle back into normalcy now that the baby was sleeping through the night and eating normal food, and was absolutely blindsided by his partner leaving. He got extremely depressed and relied a lot on community support to help care for Odile for the next little while.

Once Odile was walking and talking like a person, he was able to pull himself together and be there for her, and loved her so ferociously. But sometimes her laugh or something would remind him too much of her mom and he would kinda check out for the rest of the day. He hated thinking about his ex and then he'd start to hate her and then get so, so sad. Maybe even hate Odile for a moment and get even sadder. Why can't he just be content? Odile's the only light in his life, she's what makes everything worth it, why does he still wish he had her mom back instead?

Pobody's nerfect though and he did pretty well! Odile was a fairly cranky toddler because she just couldn't do all of the things that she so desperately wanted to be able to do (also trauma), but once she got past those first 5 years of constant developmental leaps, she mellowed out a lot. So she didn't mind hanging out and coloring or reading a book by herself while her dad was "taking a nap" (staring at the ceiling fighting his inner demons). And she love love loved all the things he did with her, reading and gardening and especially shopping — she got to write the grocery list and count out the money and everything! She got cranky-frustrated again as a teen, on top of increasingly complex feelings about her mom and realizing her dad is depressed as fuck, but they had a strong enough bond to make it through that phase okay.

At some point in her 20s Odile made him go to therapy! It helped, and so did anti-depressants. He even started dating again eventually and now has a nice husband, who Odile was quite wary of at first and generally not interested in getting to know. She's glad her dad is happier now, though! I think he's still alive during ISAT, but getting fairly old since he and his wife were a bit on the older side when Odile was born.

-

Bonnie is 11 years old during canon and Pétronille is 20; she ran away from home when Bonnie was 4 and she was freshly 14. She saw that their parents were starting to treat Bonnie the way they treated her, now that they were a full kid instead of a useless toddler, and she got them the fuck out of there!

(cw for the next paragraph: abusive parents, person who is both abusive and mentally ill and abused)

Nille is bipolar with psychotic symptoms, and I've been going back and forth on this but I'm gonna say yes it runs in the family and her mom was bipolar as well. She didn't really give a shit about her kids, she had them because that's what you do! She made Nille do most of the housekeeping, and help with her schemes to turn their lives around for real this time: surely if I perfect this recipe I can open a restaurant, surely if we rearrange the furniture I'll stop hating this house, surely if I buy and wear the right necklace my partner will love me again, etc. The second baby was an attempt to fix her relationship, and while she'd thought baby Nille was cute and had enjoyed the intense new baby-mom relationship, she got sick of baby Bonnie even faster and foisted their care onto Nille. Their dad was worse! He bonded with the person he did because he knew she'd be totally reliant on him, and he had kids because he wanted more people to control. Mom sometimes tried to stand up for the kids, but always quickly gave up and withdrew more or turned on them instead.

So! Nille stole her mom's jewelry, put Bonnie in a wheelbarrow and walked as far as she could. She ended up in Bambouche. She started working for a trio who fished and ran a shop/restaurant; she prepared the fish and washed dishes and other odd jobs, and she was allowed to bring Bonnie with her. Some people offered to take the two of them in, or babysit Bonnie, but she did not trust like that. So everyone just quietly patronized that shop a little extra so the trio could afford to do things like say "oh no I bought this huge bag of the wrong kind of rice, can't just serve a different kind, but I don't want it, guess I'll throw it away unless you could use it..?"

Eventually she started trusting her neighbors enough to directly accept leftovers and hand-me-downs, let Bonnie play at their houses, etc. Right in time for her bipolar disorder to really hit! She tried so hard to keep forcing herself through the motions for Bonnie, but one day she went into work manically ranting about how she was going to destroy Bonnie's life just like her parents did hers and her bosses were like woah there! They closed shop for the day to focus on checking on Bonnie and making sure they had babysitting arranged, finding Nille a therapist, and reassuring Nille that Bonnie was safe, and everyone will help make sure that Bonnie stays safe, and she can get help too so she can keep being a great gaurdian.

By pre-canon she is on anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers and knows a fuckton of coping mechanisms! She fishes now and sells her catches herself, and while she works Bonnie goes to school and runs around the village with the other kids and pesters travelers for stories and whatnot.

-

I don't have super solid headcanons for Siffrin's family yet because it makes me soo sad to imagine their family missing them or not-missing them or obliterated. So I'm trying to let myself just leave it open so I can practice the skill of "deciding on worldbuilding facts as they become relevant to your story instead of typing out an entire bible first". But let's say he had three parents and two siblings, which is pretty standard for the island, and lots of cousins and family friends. Someone or other is holding a huge cookout at least twice a week, and, and Siffrin was a really kind-but-mischievious older sibling and, bwahhhh 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

He sailed off for a couple hours at age 15 because his baba's super strict about everyone trying a bite of every food every time, yes even if you're sure you hate it it's important to be a good example for the younger kids and who knows maybe you'll like it this time! So Siffrin ran off to prove that he was basically an adult and not actually beholden to their rules, and they should appreciate his presence and take him seriously instead of treating him like a clueless baby.

:(

[remuswriting]

YOU KEEP ME CLOSE; SAWAMURA DAICHI

The only time Y/N gets during his shift to take off his binder is his lunch. It goes similarly every day when waiting for it to come around.

WARNINGS: Trans Male! Reader; Fluff; Cashier Things

WORD COUNT: 1,242 words

NOTES: Bestie/coworkers Iwaizumi & Y/N is so important to me. Also, you should be taking breaks with your binder!!! I try to take mine off during my lunch so I don't hurt my ribs. Y/N's ribs aren't bruised in this, just sore from wearing it.

No gender dysphoria in this. It doesn't add anything to it, so I'm just going to keep the lighter vibe going on here.

Breathing hurts—well, it’s more his ribs than breathing.  As he breathes, everything expands, and it hurts.  So, he looks at his watch for the third time in 10 minutes to see how long until his lunch break.  However, minutes feel like hours whenever it gets like this.

“Time doesn’t pass by faster spending it like that,” Iwaizumi says, and Y/N looks over at him.  They’re standing at the end of the aisles for the registers waiting for customers to checkout.

“Time doesn’t pass by fast no matter what you do here,” Y/N says, and he notices a woman with an empty shopping cart walk past them.  He gives her a warm smile.  Retail has to be one of the most painful jobs anyone can have for lots of reasons.  One of them being time never passing by quick enough.

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes, and it’s a better reaction than when he hits Oikawa for something stupid shit.  He’s never hit Y/N before, but Y/N doesn’t think he’s hit anyone but Oikawa before.  It’s most likely a childhood best friend thing that he only gets away with because no one in management has seen him hit sense into Oikawa.

Christmas music plays over the speakers as they straighten up around their registers.  It’s that time where there aren’t too many customers in the store, but even if there are, they want self-checkout.  Y/N focuses on straightening the gum boxes, pretending his chest isn’t aching.

Don’t look at your watch.  Don’t look at your watch.  Don’t—

“Are you okay, L/N?” Iwaizumi asks, and Y/N doesn’t look at him, trying to get things perfectly straight.

“Uh, yeah?” he says, and the boxes aren’t cooperating. “Why?”

“You just… You seem a little off.”

Y/N looks over his shoulder at him, and Iwaizumi just seems concerned.  Y/N is grateful to have Iwaizumi as a coworker, but he can’t just say that he’s in pain because of his binder.  Lunch is the only time he has to take it off and breathe during his eight-hour shift, so he wants it to come faster.  He can’t say that, though.  It doesn’t matter that Iwaizumi wouldn’t hate him.  Y/N just doesn’t tell people.  It’s safer, and he has more control that way.

“I’m just hungry,” he says, which isn’t a lie.  Having to scan warm food from the deli that smells heavenly is making his stomach grumble.  His pocket vibrates, and he quickly pulls his phone out.  He can’t stop himself from grinning. “I speak of food and get a text about lunch.”

“Is Sawamura-san stopping by?”

Y/N nods as he tries to bite down his smile. “Yeah, he needs to buy some ingredients.  I told him what register I’m on.”

“So he’ll be coming to my register,” Iwaizumi says, and he doesn’t sound upset.  There’s actually a faint smile there. (Oikawa once told Y/N that Iwaizumi thinks Daichi is great for Y/N and that he loves seeing Y/N happy.  Iwaizumi would never tell him that, though.)

“Yeah, but it’ll be a while, so you still have to have me for the time being.”

“Hopefully, a customer needs to be checked out soon.”

Y/N gasps, a hand immediately covering his heart. “Iwaizumi-san!  You wound me!”

Y/N laughs while Iwaizumi just shakes his head slightly and goes back to straightening things.  Y/N’s laughter dies down, and he looks at Iwaizumi for a moment before going back to what he was doing.

He was 19 when he came out.  It was an impulsive decision that he figures happened because he was so exhausted from shoving himself into some box that didn’t fit him.  He was forced to be somebody else—future and all.  Absolutely no control of what he could do.  So he snapped.  He cut his hair, informed everyone around him he’s trans, and cut out so many people for not accepting him.  Although it seems so easy to some people, it was so isolating.  It was the most alone he’d ever been, but then he met Sugawara and Daichi, and things fell into place.  Sometimes it feels like a lifetime ago, even though it’s only been three years.

“Are either of you open?” someone asks, and he looks up to see an older woman.  He smiles at her—his retail smile—and nods.

“Yes, I can get you right over here,” he says, and hopefully this makes time move by faster.

Scanning the woman’s groceries takes far longer than he originally thought.  He hadn’t fully processed she had two full carts of groceries until she had unloaded half the first cart on the belt.  It’s fine, though.  He gets through all of it right as Daichi is in Iwaizumi’s line.  They make eye contact, and Y/N smiles at him.

“Your total is going to be—”

“I’ve already inserted my card,” she says, and he nods as he goes through the motions.  That’s when Aran, his manager, appears behind him.

“Go on your lunch after this,” Aran says before looking at the woman with a dazzling smile.  It’s the one he gives customers since it’s so forced, but from first glance, you wouldn’t realize that. “Ma’am, would you like a carryout today?”

She looks at Aran with wide eyes, probably not expecting to be spoken to by him. “Yes,” she says, and the word sounds slightly choked. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Aran says before hurrying around to the other side of the register to help her and Y/N filling up her cart.  As he does so, he speaks into the walkie talkie. “We need a carryout on register 14.”

Kiyoko comes up behind them, and Y/N quickly logs out so she can log in.  He looks at Aran. “I’m going to lunch now.  I’ll tell them to page someone when I pass customer service.”

“Bye, Iwaizumi-san,” Daichi says, and Y/N nearly runs into him at the end of the aisle.  Daichi looks at him and smiles. “Hey there, stranger.”

Y/N smiles back, and he wants to hug him.  He wants to pull him in close, even if it’d hurt a little.  It’s okay because they’ll go home for a while, and he can take off his binder to breathe for a bit.

Instead, he looks down at the reusable bag Daichi always brings with him to the store.  Y/N should be more like his boyfriend in that regard, but he finds that the plastic bags work just fine.  He also doesn’t have to add another step when getting ready to go to the store.

“Hey there,” Y/N says as he looks back at Daichi. “Want to get out of here?”

“And cook you a meal while you breathe?” Daichi asks, and he’s smiling so hard it’s easy to hear in his voice.  Y/N loves him.  He loves him so much, and he wants to say it.  Instead, he nods. “Count me in.”

“Alright, but I have to stop by customer service really fast,” Y/N says, and Daichi quickly glances behind them.

“Does she need a carryout?” he whispers, and Y/N laughs as he nods.

“Yes, and you’re not helping her, Mr. I-help-everyone-I-meet,” Y/N says, and Daichi rolls his eyes.  He follows Y/N to customer service before they head out the door and Y/N waits for his phone to clock him out.  Once it’s finished, he looks up at Daichi. “I’m free for an hour!”

Daichi grabs his hand and pulls him closer. “Then let’s get you home to relax.”

[reflection-s-of-stars]

👀 i'd love to hear about tha aurora modern au!

[ID in alt text]

@anthonynotgreen @djpuppy @falst @jewishdainix and anyone else who wanted to hear about my modern AU: here it is! All image descriptions will be in alt text :)

Name: Kendal Fairblade

He/him, probably a cis dude but who knows for sure, aroace

18, college freshman (first year of college)

Architecture major

Roommates with Alinua

Erin’s study buddy

Childhood friends with Dainix

Prized possession is his dad’s old car, which is bright blue and in horrible shape. Designated driver of the squad

Absolute god at arcade games (skee-ball etc.)

Blue eyed stare™️

The only member of the squad with (diagnosed) autism

Name: Alinua Parra

She/they/it, agender girl, ace lesbian

19, college freshman

Biology major (specializing in botany)

Roommates with Kendal

Erin’s study buddy

Falst’s former foster sister

Has so many plants and somehow finds time to keep all of them alive. Would kill for them probably

Bees love her also. Particularly her hair

The nicest person you’ll ever meet. She’s full of rage also

Claims she has her shit together but will see a butch and go weak in the knees

Name: Erin Ruunaser

He/him, transmasc, bi + aro

19, college sophomore (second year of college)

Pre-med, physics minor

Study buddies with Kendal and Alinua

Tess’s adoptive younger brother

His dad, Galen, owns the university he goes to. This is a fact that does not make him friends easily

Thinks he’s better than coffee drinkers but is addicted to chai

Usually dresses like he’s on his way to an interview, with the exception of finals week, during which he wears exclusively a Les Mis sweatshirt

Always sick but never misses class

Name: Falst. Falst what? Just Falst, thanks.

He/him but don’t ask about his gender, gay

18, works at a mechanic shop

Former foster siblings with Alinua

Other than her nobody knows anything about him

Exclusively wears jeans that are way too big on him

Has a stray cat that hangs around him. It does not have a name but it always gets fed somehow

Will growl at you. It absolutely doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you

Thinks redheads are hot

Name: Tess Ruunaser

She/her, butch lesbian

21, “professional wanderer and student of life” (unemployed)

Erin’s adoptive big sister

Ran away from home at sixteen and hasn’t seen her adoptive family since then (she and Erin do text though)

Girl magnet but can’t keep a relationship to save her life

Has lived in eight countries and will make it your problem. “This is pretty good, but in Greece…”

A match for Kendal at skee-ball. Their confrontations are epic

“Knows a guy” for everything

Name: Dainix Cruces

He/him, trans man, gay

19, taking a gap year and planning to go to culinary school

Childhood friends with Kendal

Has the best hair in the squad (it’s a ginger thing 😌)

Has a different story every time you ask about his eye

Best cook in the squad but everything he makes has So Much Goddamn Paprika

Literally has anything you could possibly need in his pockets

Thinks short people are hot

That’s the gang! LMK if you have questions about backstories, other characters, ETC

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I didn’t let my friend bring their partner to social events?

We are all in our 30s and all trans/NB/queer. My friend (B) and I have known each other nearly 20 years, and over those years they’ve had a rough dating history. They’ve had several emotionally and mentally abusive or neglectful partners, further details about that I won’t give here. I’ve met most of them and they’ve always disliked me for various reasons (usually they were just jealous of the place I held in their life).

Recently though, B seems to have found someone who makes them happy (we’ll call them T) and T treats them better than their previous partners. Which is great! I’m happy for B. But I find T insufferable.

Granted, I don’t have to see T very often, but when I do its always uncomfortable.

The first time I met T they trauma dumped immediately. In the first half hour I knew all about their horrible family but couldn’t tell you any hobby or interest they had. We were in a very public place and I didn’t feel it was the most appropriate topic to get to know someone, but I tried to relate with my own stories all the same. However, T always had to “one up” every story I told. it felt like a “whose childhood was worse” competition.

The second time we all hung out T ignored me completely, really only hanging around and talking to B. Since it was B’s birthday I didn’t really mind at all. Plus, we were at a beercade so everyone was kinda off doing their own thing. But even when we all sat down they just kinda threw looks my way but didnt say a word to me.

But most recently I had hosted a halloween party (it was only 8 folks so tiny party) where B and T both showed up. When T asked me how work was going I started with what I felt was a normal “Ah yeah, it sucks but—” and before I could say anything else they spoke over me to say

“Yeah you’ve mentioned you hate your job every time I’ve seen you so thats sort of my only impression of you :/ ”

(a possibly important side note: B and T are both doing things that they enjoy but have to hustle a bit to make ends meet whereas I have a full time retail job through which i have insurance so leaving isnt as easy for me since I have more tied up in my job than just a paycheck)

This really pissed me off, as not only is being interrupted a huge pet peeve, but there are aspects of my job I enjoy. I just never got to talk about them because the conversation would either divert or we would just stop talking altogether. Also the way they came across felt pretty judgmental.

T then proceeded to spend the rest of the evening talking about everything from the movie to the snacks with therapy speak and trauma processing. (ex: I think I’m locked into this movie because it might’ve been a safe haven for me during my childhood and I just dont remember watching it but I can feel its importance to me) And only ever to B, never engaging with anyone else.

(another note: they are not the only one at the party with anxiety. two of my other friends have severe social anxiety and while maybe a little awkward were still able to hold casual conversations. no one was a stranger to anyone at the party)

This also meant that I didn’t get to spend any time with B during the party either, which was a shame cause I see them so rarely.

I understand that trauma processing is important and its great if you have someone in your life that can help you. It does not need to happen every where all the time. And I’m worried that B might be getting taken advantage of like they have in the past (in the sense that they have to do all the emotional legwork in the relationship and get very little of that effort back).

I’m tired of catering to this attitude and I don’t enjoy being around them, so I no longer want to involve them in group events I host.

would that make me an asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[viiiiiiiiiin]

Hello dude, what's up lol. I haven't done that many requests so I hope I don't mess this up. Can you write some comfort regarding a disabled trans FTM reader and the kid pirates, mainly involving Kid and Killer? All platonic. I know it's quite specific but the pain of my cEDS is killing me right now and I'd be great to read something along those lines. Being trans and crippled can lead to a lot of dissociation regarding your body, it feels foreign to you in an extreme and debilitating way, what better than to cope with my two favorite fictional characters lol

Kid Pirates with a trans!disabled!reader

Includes: The Kid Pirates , FTM Reader with cEDS

Important Info: I AM NOT A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I took a long time researching this so I hope it's accurate.

A / N: Awww I hope you feel better :((. I did a LOT of research for cEDS and I REALLY hope I you the facts right. Please , please comment or message me if I got any information wrong or anything of the sort.

None of them truly understood you. You were strong , so why did you try not to fight ?

The first person to ask you about it was Killer. You explained to him that you had cEDS and he was confused as hell.

You explained the symptoms. You bruised easily , your skin is velvety / dough like , minor trauma can split your skin , etc. You explained that being in fights could put you at risk.

You also explain what it was.

He understood. He was more that willing to accommodate for you. He wasn't a monster. A pirate , yes. But not a monster.

Anytime anything happened , he was there. He made sure to assist you as much as he could without making you depend on him. You were your own person after all. He knew you wouldn't like it if he babied you.

Kid caught on and asked Killer about it. You were strong , so why was he acting this way with you ??

Killer tried his best to explain your condition and why he did the things he did. Kid still didn't understand.

Killer had to explain it in dumb terms for him to understand. At that , he also tried to help.

You were part of his crew. He may not say it much , but his crew means everything to him. Especially you and Killer since you 3 were childhood friends.

The crew learned from Killer as well and did their best to help while also trying to make you feel like yourself.

Killer was your go - to whenever you were in pain or felt dysphoric. He would sit with you for however long you needed him to and would comfort you as best as he could.

It was during one of these sessions that he learned about you being trans.

He may not have shown it , but he felt a sense of pride at the fact that you were so trusting in him.

Kid wasn't the best at comforting words , but he did sit with you and Killer sometimes. He let's you hangout in his office while he tinkers with whatever thing he's working on.

It's then that you guys get into deeper conversations.

He also learns you're trans but doesn't know what the hell it is. You had to explain you were a girl and now , you're a guy. Top surgery or not , he silently promised himself that he would make sure everyone respected you for the gender you went by.

If anyone said anything about your disability or gender , he'd beat the shit out of them.

Even if he wasn't good with comfort , he was willing to defend his friend to the ends of the world.

So was the rest of the crew.

They would help you as best as they could. They adored you and cared about you , so why would they not ?

Heat and Wire would be the ones to help you whenever you went through any pain or dysmorphia because of feminine issues.

Killer and Kid , however , we're your go to whenever it came to any body related stuff.

They would talk to you like you were on the same level as them. Not any less and not anymore. You felt like you truly belonged to the Kid Pirates.

When it came to fights , you were benched. You were more of a strategist and mixologist.

Though you are different from them , Kid and Killer truly care for you. You 3 are childhood friends. They would never give you up because of your own problems.

One time , you guys went to a bar and you got harassed. They grabbed your wrist and you bruised REALLY fast.

Because of that , Kid and Killer beat the person's ass and held you by their side for the rest of the night.

In their eyes , you're one of them. It doesn't matter if you struggle with something or not. Theres always someone to help you and they would never leave you alone.

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

Please tell about your trip to Japan! Did you get to visit any lesbian events/spaces?

Hi anon :D

It was the best!! People are super kind and respectful, I ate delicious food and bought so much stuff haha (though mostly souvenirs for my family and friends)

I made a lot of research about lesbian spaces in Japan before the trip so I'd have an idea of where to go... There are SO MANY lesbian bars! I mean dozens of them just in the three cities I looked up! I went to one in Kyoto, one in Osaka and five in Tokyo, can't believe I'm able to say that I didn't have enough time to visit all the lesbian bars in the capital city, first country where it happens haha

(Mind you, you can basically only go to one in Tokyo if you don't speak Japanese at all (Goldfinger) so it's very crowded on women-only night, mostly with tourists, and you'll occasionally see a white US trans-identified dude because years ago they bullied the owners into letting them in... I still made friends with some foreign women and a Japanese woman there though, so it can be worth a try!)

Like I mentioned in an earlier post, the lesbian community seems so much better than in France and western countries in general because it's basically Normie Land :

For lesbian spaces, their social media are only about their news (at what time it opens that day, selfies of the bartenders, some food and drinks photos, etc.), no political stuff at all

Same for the decorations, it's all photos/drawings of very feminine women and lesbian positivity, sometimes bras too lol

The bars tend to be tiny and cosy (sometimes it's just a ten-seat counter and that's it!) and Japanese women are very kind, so I ended up talking to the bartender and other clients every night I went out and I had a great time. Once, I was alone with the bartender so we did karaoke, I sang a quite popular jpop song from the 90s and some gay dudes who could hear me from the street barged in to scream the chorus 😂

Because there's no political atmosphere, I felt like the conversations were more open and we weren't walking on eggshells around each other, we talked about our childhoods, anime and video games we like, our type of woman, about sex, etc.

Also I think they actually know what lesbian means (met several women who seemed like gold stars, didn't hear anything about ~sexual fluidity~ or political lesbianism, those who were bi with a preference for women just said so), which was refreshing! 😅

Anyway, I can't wait to go back hehe (currently daydreaming about opening a Japanese-style lesbian snack-bar in Paris with a little shelf full of (actually) lesbian books and maybe a women-only public bath/spa next to it... 💭)

[bluedalahorse]

A highly incomplete introduction to AuDHD for YR fans who want to write more Sara Eriksson

Greetings, friends! In my time in the Young Royals fandom, I’ve seen a few people mention they were interested writing Sara but they didn’t know how to approach her neurodivergence, or that they find it intimidating. I figured it might be worth compiling a post where I share both ADHD and autism resources I’ve found helpful, as well as elements of my personal experience I draw on when writing Sara.

This post is by no means exhaustive, and I could probably say a lot more. But I figured I’d get it out there in case it was helpful to anyone else.

Part One: Resources and Such

Yo Samdy Sam is an AuDHD vlogger who talks about her experiences, and I find her video about how autism and ADHD show up together pretty informative. Since Sara is both it’s good to have a grasp on these nuances! Yo Samdy Sam’s other videos are also ones I’d recommend.

I’m autistic, now what? is also a good channel to check out for someone talking about their day to day experiences of autism. Her videos are a little longer, but she focuses often on how things have changed from her childhood to her adulthood, which can be helpful if you’re thinking about Sara at different ages/writing flashbacks/working on fic set in the future/etc.

Chloe Hayden, who stars in another teen drama called Heartbreak High, is both autistic and ADHD, and very fun and positive. She presents quite differently than Sara does—lots more talking and energy—but I think she’s a good example of every neurodivergent person presenting differently. Also, people should watch Heartbreak High and write me some fic where Sara and Quinni meet because I want it.

How to ADHD is mostly geared toward practical life skills when you’ve got ADHD, but it doesn’t neglect the way those interact with emotional well-being. Sara might try some of these strategies while working on her school work and chores, either because an adult recommended she do so or because it’s part of a system she worked out for herself. Also, the videos are perfectly designed for ADHD brains, and i have acquired many ways to self-accommodate by watching them.

Jessie Gender is autistic and does commentary about lots of nerdy things and trans rights. I really liked her video on The Queen’s Gambit where she talks about autistic girls and sex. If you’re planning to write spicer fic about Sara (which people should write more of imo) then Jessie might be a good resource!

Marieke Nijkamp is a multiply disabled author, and one of her disabilities is autism. I still have to get around to reading her novel length books but her short story “Better For All the World” made me cry and is one of my formative sargust mentor texts. I really recommend it if you can get a hold of the anthology The Radical Element. (Although, heads up, the story deals with the Buck v Bell case of 1927, which is difficult subject matter.)

Disability in Kidlit has some great resources on writing autistic characters from a craft perspective. If you’re going to write specifically from Sara’s point of view, or even if you’re not, it’s worth reading this article about the autistic voice in fiction and this article about humanizing autistic characters. Other articles on the site are also great!

I’m going to talk more about my personal experiences under the cut below…

Part 2: My personal experiences & takeaways

Sooooo if you’ve met one AuDHD person, you’ve met one AuDHD person. I can’t really claim to speak for all AuDHD people, and I’ve only recently gotten my diagnosis anyway. That said, a lot of my own personal experience colors how I write Sara. So in the interest of transparency, I’ve gone ahead and listed some of the things I’ve thought about when I write her.

An important note before I get started—this is not, actually, meta or analysis of the show. I’m not trying to tell you want I “really” think is going on with Sara Eriksson, or what the writers intended, or what the show is saying. You may read her differently, and I’m sure your interpretation is just as informed by your own experiences as mine. So please don’t take this as a criticism if your interpretation is different.

What I am explaining here instead are the ways that my personal experiences as an AuDHD person have influenced my perception of Sara, which in turn translates to how I’ve made sense of her storyline and written her in fanfic. None of these are “excuses,” but they are explorations. You can look at it as me examining my own thinking and writing process. I’m also opening up about some of my experiences and being a little bit vulnerable. If you have questions about any of these things below, or you want to know more for your own fic, you are always welcome to message me. I may not be able to get back to you right away but I can help however I am able. There are also some things I might feel more comfortable discussing in depth one-on-one, so direct messages might be better in that case, too.

Anyway, let’s begin…

Polarized strengths and weaknesses: In my own experience as an AuDHD person there are some pretty dramatic contrasts between what I’m good at and what I suck at. I’m in the 99% percentile in some skills and the 2% percentile in others. This adds up to stuff like, I read the Sherlock Holmes stories for the first time when I was eight and Les Misérables when I was eleven, but I cannot drive a car or learn a choreographed dance no matter how hard I try. This is inexplicable to some people because they’re like, omg but you know all these advanced words! Surely if you can’t drive a car, it’s just because you aren’t trying hard enough! Likewise I think it makes sense to write Sara with a spiky profile of her own, and have characters react to that accordingly.

Perceptions of maturity: AuDHD adults aren’t children. AuDHD teenagers aren’t children either. And yet part of ableism is the infantilization of AuDHD people. I don’t have a lot of huge narrative squicks, but this is one of them, and it’s rooted in frustrations I’ve had over people treating me like I’m still a child. I always write Sara as the age she’s intended to be in the fic. If I see fanfic scenes or headcanon scenarios where someone is treating Sara like she’s five, and that’s spun as positive or never questioned, it can make me really upset and it’s an immediate back button. This is something I would recommend writers be on the lookout for if they’re incorporating Sara into a scene. Maybe this one bullet point is spinning a little far into criticism of other folks, but I think if I could communicate one thing to other people writing Sara, this would be it.

Special interests/hyperfixations: The thing about special interests is that autistic people often turn to them to replenish their energy and get their nervous systems back to a state of equilibrium. (For instance, me writing this post right now about my blorbo Sara Eriksson is me engaging with a special interest to put my nervous system in a state of equilibrium and put energy back in my body.) Sara’s time spent with Rousseau isn’t just wonderful because she loves horses, it’s also something that’s probably helping her recharge after a complicated day of navigating social situations at Hillerska. This is why she panics at the thought of losing Rousseau. Now, there’s still issues here in that Rousseau isn’t actually Sara’s horse. And I do think many teenage and adult autistics with low support needs, like Sara, understand that they can’t engage with their special interests all the time. But in order to write and understand Sara, I have to understand that she’s counting on Rousseau and horses more generally as something that helps her self-regulate and stay grounded. (In Heart and Homeland I also added art as one of her hyperfixations, so she often draws to recharge and make sense of things.)

Alexithymia: Alexithymia is essentially a trait people can have where they struggle to read their own emotions. It’s pretty common in autistic people and other neurodivergent folk; I have a mild version of it. For me, tuning into my emotions is a bit like trying to figure out what song is playing on a staticy radio. I might have to wait and “mess with the dial” a bit before I can fully understand what I’m feeling in a given situation. The question “how are you?” is a bit of a nightmare for me sometimes. Because my alexithymia is mild, I usually can figure out what I’m feeling in time, but I still often need extra effort to discern the nuances. I tend to apply this trait to Sara when I write her, mostly because she seems to need to sit with her feelings to understand how they’re affecting her. This is most evident when she’s trying to figure out if she like-likes August, though it comes out in other ways, too. Sara might just need a lot of time to process her emotions. Even when she’s showing her emotions and in them, they might take a lot of time to leave her system, and she might not catch on to how they’re affecting her right away. In Heart and Homeland, part of the reason Sara keeps a diary in the first place is so she can sort through what she’s feeling.

Heightened empathy: There’s an old stereotype that autistic people don’t have any empathy. This is not true, and some autistics even have an excess of empathy. I would argue that Sara (at least the way I interpret and write her) is one of them. This may seem counterintutive to some, as I have seen people argue that she is insufficiently empathetic to Simon and/or Linda. I see it differently, however. In my own experience, having an excess of empathy doesn’t always mean that I come across as loving and sweet to the people in my life. Sometimes it can make it so you’re so full of feelings toward others that you can’t act. I often function clumsily in conflicts, and feel like I’m caught between different parties, especially if it’s a situation where everyone appears to be hurting. It’s enough to make me shut down and not do anything, or even side with the person who to everyone else is obviously wrong. Especially when I was a teenager, the answer about “who to side with” in a conflict wasn’t always clear to me. For instance, in college, I dated a girl who constantly belittled me and many of my friends, and I let her get away with it because I was sensitive to the ways she was genuinely hurting about life. I am not proud of it now, and I did break up with her eventually and made efforts to patch things up with my friends when I could, but it also took me two and a half years to get there. Thanks to life experience and therapy, I am now better at recognizing red flags and overriding my excess empathy to call people out on their shit when they need it. It took me time, though, and I can’t help reading a lot of that into Sara. In a way, I tend to think her hope that August will own up to his actions is born out of heightened empathy for both August and Simon. She pins her hopes on this solution because, in her mind, it meets Simon’s needs because the person who harmed him has come forward and is willing to be held accountable for his actions and it meets August’s needs because he can find relief in owning up to his shit and stop drowning in regret. Now, yes, Sara is absolutely misleading herself and ignoring crucial details of the situation because she’s in love, and she does misread what Simon actually needs in the situation. This is very typically teenage. At the same time, when I write her in fic, I see this as tied to an excess of empathy, and not a lack of it.

Inertia/Executive Functioning Struggles: Building on what was said above… some AuDHD people (like myself) can really struggle with making a plan and getting started on tasks, and the bigger the task, the bigger the struggle. “Tasks” is a word we usually apply to things like doing laundry, so we tend to think of executive functioning as an unemotional thing, but it can also apply to emotional stuff like, say, having a big conversation that needs to be had or breaking up with someone you know you need to. (Like I said above. Two and a half years with that shitty person in college!) In fact, I would say inertia can even make things harder with social/emotional stuff, because math homework is at least consistently math homework, but social/emotional situations can shift and become more complicated over time. At Hillerska, we see Sara get involved in ever-shifting social politics, and it takes things escalating to the field scene for her to take action at the end of S2. (In a more minor example, Sara taking a while to get ready in the parents’ weekend episode, and Linda rushing her out the door, is a great example of Sara being affected by inertia.)

Menstrual ick: Increasing numbers of studies show that people with uteruses who have ADHD, autism, or both are way more likely to have painful periods and PMDD. This is true for me—one of the biggest signs that my period is coming is that I am absolutely convinced everyone hates me. I don’t know how to apply this to Sara directly, but periods are part of life and if you happen to write about her dealing with menstrual nonsense, this might be something to keep in mind.

Sensory issues: A lot of people are aware of sensory issues for neurodivergents, and every neurodivergent experiences sensory issues differently, and not always in ways that are immediately apparent to neurotypicals. For me, I hate vacuums and car horns and bananas, but for my roommate, she hates any lights on after 7 PM and finds chocolate overwhelming. Sara doesn’t mention any particular sensory issues, but presumably she has some and masks her reactions, so uh… make up the ones that make sense to you, I guess. Or, don’t make them up, but maybe read about a bunch of different people’s experiences of sensory issues and work from there. External stuff like being tired, sick, or being on one’s period can heighten sensory issues, so think about vulnerability factors that might increase them for Sara.

Rejection sensitivity: Many people with ADHD feel rejection or criticism from others with a high level of intensity, even as physical pain. (Fun fact: PMS makes my rejection sensitivity even worse!) I don’t know if we see Sara feeling rejection sensitivity onscreen much in YR, but I can’t help but imagine she’s dealt with it in the past, based on the way she says she sometimes feels like the worst person in the world, when she’s talking to August in 2.3. If Sara’s had therapy (which I assume she’s had in some form because she knows breathing exercises) then maybe this is something she’s worked on coping strategies.

Accommodations in school: I don’t actually know how this works in Sweden specifically or at a school like Hillerska, but I’d love to hear how it works! Someone else should weigh in if they know things. But I would not be surprised if Sara has the legal right to certain accommodations in school such as extended time on tests, guided notes, etc. (Not being Swedish myself, I’m not sure what the equivalent to the Americans With Disabilities Act would be in Sweden.) One thing to note here is that Sara would get to decide herself whether she actually uses her accommodations or not. I would say, based on my observations of teenagers, is that some neurodivergent teenagers tend not to use their accommodations so they can avoid sticking out among their peers. This seems like it might be the case for Sara, since she wants to make friends at Hillerska and not stand out. The other thing she might encounter at Hillerska specifically is teachers who don’t want to meet those accommodations because they’re “old school” and, frankly, ableist. Accommodations are something one should take into account when writing Sara’s academic life, though.

Double empathy problem: This is something that the psych community is talking about more lately, and essentially the idea here is that neurotypicals communicate best with other neurotypicals whereas neurodivergents communicate best with other neurodivergents. That doesn’t mean both groups can’t communicate with one another (and even reducing it to two groups is kind of oversimplifying things, because obviously culture and other things impact communication too) but there are different patterns of communication at work here. In my own life, I vibe well with people whose neurotypes are similar to mine—this is exactly why @coruscantrhapsody and I are such iconic roommates. The Double Empathy Problen is theorized to have played a role in stereotypes about autistic people not having any empathy. (PS: I don’t actually think August has undiagnosed ADHD in canon, at least not according to the writers. Still, I think it would be pretty interesting to write him in fanfiction as someone who has a missed childhood diagnosis given the way he struggles with rejection sensitivity, impulsivity, and emotion regulation, and the way that the adderall addiction could be a form of self-medication that has gone awry. For that reason I think it’d be interesting to see a fic where the sargust relationship is viewed through the lens of the double empathy problem. Obviously not in a way where the ADHD excuses August’s harmful behaviors, but you know. An added layer of delicious nuance. Alternately, I know some folks like to headcanon Wille as autistic. Sara really clicking with autistic!Wille when they finally get a chance to talk is something I’d like to see!)

Neurodivergent community: As far as I can tell, Sara doesn’t really have neurodivergent community. This makes me sad, as someone who strongly benefits from friendships with other neurodivergent people. I would like her to have some in someone’s fic, please! Let me know if you write it.

That’s all for now… maybe I’ll add more in a future post.

For any other AuDHDers, do you have any elements of your personal experience that you incorporate into how you interpret or write Sara’s character? Feel free to reblog and add on, if you feel so inclined. (But also, no pressure.) Like I said, every ND person experiences this stuff differently, so someone else may have completely different experiences than me.