#trans advice column

[withbroombefore]

Pronoun Island has been gone for a while and I don’t know if it’s ever coming back, so I’m adding a page to the Trans Advice Column site to fill that gap. The purpose is to lay out the conjugation and example usage of as many different pronoun sets as possible, so that people can link directly to show how to use their pronouns. It’s live but I know I’ve missed a lot, so please reply or DM me with pronoun sets that aren’t shown yet!

[hellyeahscarleteen]

As a trans person, how can I navigate authentic gender expression and avoid the identity police?

Being part of a caring queer community means helping each other find and celebrate our authentic selves – NOT taking part in gender policing. In this advice from the archives, Mo demonstrates how to do exactly that.

A user writes,

“I’m a 17 year old transmale and I’ve identified as male for about 2 years now. I am 100% confident that I am a boy, but I am also fine having breasts and a vagina. I don’t think of them as female. They’re just my parts! I like wearing things like dresses and skirts as well and I enjoy makeup, none of these things make me less of a boy in my eyes. However, I fear that people will not take my identity seriously because of this. Even in the LGBTQ community, I feel like people will say I’m not "really trans.” Dressing the way I want to really boosts my self-esteem (and I have struggled with horrible self esteem my whole life, so I really need it) but being called “girl” and “she” really hurts. I guess my question is, how do I deal with wanting to present a certain way but hating how it makes others perceive me? I will be going off to college in a few days as well, and I know that could be a time to show how I really want to be, but I’m scared of how people will react or treat me.“

Mo answers,

"I’m going to make probably the biggest understatement of the year: gender⁠ is complicated. As obvious a statement as that is, it’s still true, and I think it’s worth repeating.

I think one thing a lot of people - even many gender-savvy folks or fellow trans people - sometimes forget is that there are a lot of components to gender and that knowing someone’s gender identity⁠ doesn’t provide much information about what their gender expression⁠ or presentation will be. Plenty of people, whether cisgender⁠ or transgender⁠, have gender identities and expressions that don’t fit neatly into a rigid and binary⁠ system of gender norms.”

You can find the rest of Mo’s response here!

[bynux]

Hey everyone!! My blog is up at https://blog.brynmiller.me! I copy-pasted one of my old Medium articles there, but expect more regular journaling and Q&A-style advice articles in the near future!

If you have a queer and/or non-monogamous relationship and would like advice on how to approach some part of it, please send me an ask or DM here, or you can email your questions to bryn@brynmiller.me ^^

[badlywritingmagazine]

Wanna help a by-and-for transfem journal?

Wanna get involved?

Thank you everyone for your interest so far! If you have a sec, I’ve written a quick post about a few ways you can help. 

Lili Elbe, painted by Szív királynő, serving “journal reader” realness Do you have trans female mates?

Let your girl friends know. Share it amongst your networks. 

Can you read? 

Wonderful. Subscribe to this substack to be notified when an issue is released. 

Can you think?

If you’re a trans woman and you have feelings about something, send it to us. If you’re developing an idea, come chat with us over email (or arrange a phone call) and let’s figure it out together. 

Do you sell books and zines? 

Wonderful. Email me. Stock it. Perfect. I can also send you a poster version of our invitation to submit to print out. 

Have you written?

If you’re a trans woman who writes about things relevant to our lives, send it to me. If it is online and you worry that it won’t stay up forever, it’s affecting your job and life prospects, or that it is a reflection of its time and not 100% wise anymore, send it to me and get it archived. Archiving is part of the goal here. We’re not uncurated, but that doesn’t mean you should shrug and let the internet, time, transmisogyny and linkrot eat your hard work. 

If you’re a trans woman with jobs and obligations and you don’t like having your essay ‘Why dickgirls should commit more assassinations’ or ‘transgender materialism: towards a de/coterminous understanding of post tipping point transmisogyny’ or whatever attached to your name then send it to me and get it re/published under a pseudonym.

If we get a large number of submissions like this we will publish it as a separate supplement, but else it will come as a section within WBM.

Do you know grants?

Rates for unfunded zines and pamphlets suck. We want to pay the women well. Let us know if you know of funds or grants you think we fall under. We’ll be sending off applications. 

Can you help us host a launch party in a major city?

We envision low-cost evening events with discussion, trans women, and piles and piles of essays to talk about. (Can we crash on your couch?) We’re based in the UK, but are happy to come anywhere Ryanair goes where there’s a willing audience. 

Got an idea I don’t have? 

Ultimately, I want to keep this dirt simple. Essays come in, paper goes out. No columns, shite graphics. Couple core editors. Schedules loose enough to spend half the year depressed and still get it out. Stolen printer paper. Something that won’t collapse after two years. Posterity. 

That said, if you have an idea (and maybe if you want to do it), email us. Think you know enough people to get this translated and shipped somewhere else? Can you translate and know of a non-English language transfeminist text that’s not got much attention in the anglosphere? Maybe we can submit an application for a grant and distribute your translation? Understand distribution better than me? Do you have the wherewithal to manage a personals board? Something else? Anything except an agony aunt section. I’ve called dibs on that one. 

Do you have agonies? Issues? Want bad advice?

Write to the agony aunt. writingbadlymag snail symbol gmail dot com.

Do you have something to say which won't make a whole essay but is still worth saying?

Write a letter to the editor. Same email.

Addendum: Can you help us set up a website?

Websites we think are beautiful are dirt simple. Low-tech Magazine has a beautiful low-energy website. Filmmaker Margot McEwan has a lovely fitting website. Any thoughts or suggestions should be sent to the same email.

(update: we're all set now! Check out badly.press!)

See a good stack cutter?

If you see a cheap paper stack cutter for cheap, let me know. :)

Thanks all!

Forthcoming posts: information for writers, extracts from the issue.

[prtty-hndsm-awkwrd]

i recently traveled to New Mexico for a day away from home.

the last time i visited, my favorite bookstore had put together an erotica section.

i ended up buying a book detailing the life of a leather daddy during the AIDS epidemic and an advice column he wrote that covered queer sex and kink.

leaving the book pictured above behind that day because i knew i’d come back for it and so i did!!

couldn’t help but also buy another book about trans resistance too </3

as much as i do enjoy participating in s&m, kink, etc. i love learning about it even more, especially from queer elders. there’s something so special about it.

anywho, i have so many books piled in my room so once i get to this one, i’ll let you guys know how it goes!!

[cyberdragoninfinity]

hey just curious do you have any thoughts on blair flannigan? I don't see much posted abt her sadly

BLAIR MY FRIEND BLAIR.... I LIKE HER one of my pals really likes her so i always think fondly of her. she isnt one of my tip top GX favs or anything, but she's really fun and silly and god knows gx needed more girls, she's really holding the line with alexis. her whole personality being Girl in Wuv uwu is. maybe not the best. it could be (😬😔) but i love that come season 4 she (and hassleberry, i really like their friendship!!!) have to grapple with so many of their friends graduating and leaving... it feels like such a Real down to earth high schooler problem to have amongst all the insane shit that happens in GX. blair's so young!!! younger than most of the cast!! I WANT HER TO BE OKAY

I wish she got more of her own specific deck archetype (story of a yugioh girl's life sometimes. sigh.) but her brief egg gimmick is charming, wish they did more with that! it is pretty badass that some video games give her lightsworns though <-- lightsworn liker. AND UNFORTUNATELY I DO THINK HER CRUSH ON MARCEL IS CUTE.... IF YOU DONT CHEER AND CLAP FOR MY LAME-ASS FRENCH BOYFRIEND I'LL BLOW THIS WHOLE PLACE UP

I WISH THE SHOW DID MORE WITH HER though i do really like that tag force 3 gave her a whole story route where shes an in obelisk blue like GOOD FOR HER!! IT RULES 🥺 i think shes gonna come out as trans masc nonbinary in a couple years. i think she likes to read dating advice columns and scoff at the hokey advice. i think she could drink bastion under the table when it comes to spicy hot sauces. i think she'd love webkinz

blair :)

[galadriel1010]

Column | Carolyn Hax: Parent of trans teen is exhausted by constant protective alert https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2024/10/29/carolyn-hax-parent-trans-teen/

https://www.washingtonpost.com/advice/2024/10/29/carolyn-hax-parent-trans-teen/

[northwalestransintersexnonbinary]

The Next meeting of the TINN will be comming up in Wrexham soon, if you are interested in attening send us an Ask, DM or email and well send you the details, and please feel free to share this around, either online or by printing out these posters for your local area!

image description under the read more

[Id: a poster for the North Wales Transgender Intersex and Non-Binary Network, across the top of the poster the Networks logo sits accros the Nonbinary Intersex and Transgender Pride flags, boardering each side of the poster are columns of pride flags representing different genders, the Centre of the poster has 4 White test boxes the contents of these boxes read:

Who are we? We are the North Wales Trans, Intersex and Nonbinary Network (TINN) , a Mutual aid, Support and social network, formed in May 2022, we offer monthly meetings to socialise share resources, support each other and offer advice

What do we do? We build bridges, connect people, and create community by providing mutual aid, resource sharing and spaces to be true to ourselves So far in our meetings we have been able to offer:

Social meet ups

Transition related help

Clothing swap events

Advice on getting HRT

Advice on updating Legal documents

With your help we can do even more!

When is the next meeting? Our next meeting will be coming up at the end of this Spring, in Wrexham! If you’d like to know the Date Time and Location, get in touch through one of the contacts below How to get in touch? Email: NW_TINN@protonmail.com Facebook: @Tinn Cymru Instagram: @northwalestinn Tumblr: @northwalestransintersexnonbinary Twitter: @NW_TINN

END ID]

[gothicprep]

something was published in one of slate magazine’s advice columns that which said. uh. this. you may or may not have seen this already.

basically the write-in here is allegedly from a trans dude who started taking testosterone recently and hasn’t disclosed this to his sexual partners yet.

people are understandably discoursing about the ethics of this, but I’d encourage them to remember this is a fucking slate advice column. they answer obvious troll emails like “I’m worried my 2 y/o isn’t antiracist enough” and someone wrote a whole personal essay confessing to sending multiple fake submissions to dear prudence. this department of this magazine cannot vet the stuff they’re sent if their life depended on it.

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🦇 Perfect on Paper Book Review 🦇

❓ #QOTD What's the best advice you've ever received or given? ❓ 🦇 High school junior Darcy Phillips has a secret identity as the relationship advice expert behind Locker 89. Leave a letter along with $10 and she'll provide the perfect solution to your relationship woes. So far, she hasn't been caught...that is, until Alexander Brougham catches her collecting letters. He'll keep her secret...if she can fix his relationship post-break-up, that is. Can Darcy help Brougham win his girlfriend back (without strangling the entitled, rich, yummy-Australian-accent-slinging swimmer) in the process?

💜 Perfect on Paper was nominated for a Goodreads Choice Award (Best Young Adult Fiction - 2021) and it's no wonder. This was the exact book bisexual baby me needed a decade ago. Though I've read a multitude of books featuring bisexual FMCs, Sophie Gonzales is the first to capture the authenticity of internalized biphobia. I'll admit I was sheltered enough that it took me a while to realize bi was even an option for me. Bisexual erasure didn't help; once I self-identified, I was given the oh-so-cliche, "that's not real," and "it's just a phase." Bitch, I'm a moon goddess; I'm in a new phase every day of my life. ANYWAY. Darcy is authentic in her concern that a crush over a guy invalidates her bi-ness. The Queer & Questioning Club scene where Darcy's community validates her was everything (and truly got me misty-eyed).

💜 The advice column aspect of the story was brilliant. Darcy's letters are written in a tone that's patient and empathetic yet informative and encouraging. She'd obviously done her research and it shows, but you see her mentally unravel the moment there's personal bias and it's BEAUTIFUL. Darcy isn't perfect. She's a high schooler, still figuring herself out. Yes, she's flawed, but she's also self-aware, willing to grow and change and take her own advice (or the advice she gets from her AMAZING trans big sister, who I adored).

💜 While this is a queer YA romance, there are so many layers beyond that. There's a mixed bag of diversity and personal trauma (and with that, potential for growth) to explore.

💙 The story DID take a minute to pick up speed, so the beginning left me waiting for a catalyst for momentum. I've said it before and I'll say it again: I'm no a fan of the miscommunication trope. HOWEVER, it does fit here, and proves how easily a tiny moment of misunderstanding can completely alter the course of a friendship. I did have to put the book down at one point, when Darcy's best friend outs her (I was super frustrated on Darcy's behalf because that betrayal was intense). I was disappointed that no one stepped forward and THANKED Darcy for her advice when she was getting attacked as the person behind Locker 89. People were upset BEFORE their letters were taken, but no one thanked Darcy until LONG after the situation cooled. Given Darcy's self-proclaimed success rate (was there a mention of HOW she knew she was successful, beyond the lack of refunds?), I expected a lot more praise for her abilities beyond one person.

🦇 Recommended to fans of Leah on the Offbeat and Imogen, Obviously, with a hint of To All the Boys I've Loved Before and Netflix's Sex Education.

✨ The Vibes ✨ 💌 Bisexual FMC (w/ Internalized Biphobia) 💌 Queer Young Adult Rom-Com 💌 Lots of Rep 💌 Hate-to-Love 💌 Friends to Lovers 💌 POC Sapphic Side Ship

💬 Quotes ❝ "Do you think there’s a chance that [...] you’re intellectualizing things so you don’t have to, you know, feel them?" ❞ ❝ I was sitting in the space between a sound and its echo. Brougham had asked a question, and I had to answer it. It was that, or keep dreaming about love, and working toward helping others find it, while never letting myself risk it. ❞ ❝ In some ways, we mirrored each other. We shared cracks in complementary places. ❞ ❝ Bi people are part of the queer community, and their identity does not change depending on who, if anyone, they happen to have feelings for or date at any given moment. ❞

[regencis]

i wanna know what your muses would be doing in a modern setting pls and thank you

W E L L - this is interesting, i haven't really thought about it. but now that i AM thinking about it...

penelope has a job that isn't that exciting, somewhere she can blend in but hear a lot of gossip, maybe she's a barista or a student librarian. on the side, she runs a very successful gossip column / blog where she gives advice under the lady whistledown pseudonym. she has a lot of hot takes, and gets good and bad fanmail on a daily basis. she enjoys the attention and escape from her every day / boring life.

the b.ridgerton boys are probably taking over a big company. their father, the ceo, died, and so the eldest obviously takes over. benedict is trying to figure out how he can be useful as the second born, because he's not as important as anthony, but he still feels like he has a responsibility to the company / his brothers / his father and mother. but he doesn't really want to be a business man, he wants to go off and find his own way.

colin, as the younger brother, has even less responsibility, and so he's been traveling around the world, posting pics of his glow up on instrgram. he returned to the city to visit his family and get some home time with them. he and penelope were childhood friends, but see each other less, now. they probably run into each other again when she's working at the coffee shop / library.

eloise is in college, a good university where she's excelling in her studies and discovering herself while she's there. she's usually found at the library, or in a debate with one of her fellow students. she visits penelope at the shop / library constantly, until she finds out that pen has been keeping her lady whistledown secret, and is hurt that she wasn't told about it. eloise probably has a college gf, but is more likely secretly in love with her best friend.

danbury is a family friend of the b.rigerton's, and her and violet have a rich mom's book club, where they mostly just gossip and drink wine with their other milf friends.

and to throw one of my ocs in there, laurent is visiting the states from france. he belongs to one of the richest families in the world, and his and his family's names are always in the paper / on the news. especially now that he's arrived in the city, rumors circulate that he's there to find a match that would meet his parents approval, and that they're conducting 'interviews' to find the right woman. laurent had convinced them to let him go to the us so that he could get away, but they ended up following him there to keep an eye on him. they're trying to get him to marry to cover up "scandal" ( him being trans ). he's not into it, but he's trying to keep up appearances.

[duckprintspress]

Happy International Transgender Day of Visibility! Meet 8 Trans Authors We Work With!

Today, March 31st, 2023, is International Transgender Day of Visibility! To celebrate, we’re spotlighting eight trans authors who work with Duck Prints Press. The individuals included in this post either indicated in their biographies that they were trans, or they volunteered to be included. We’re delighted to be able to share their work with you. 😀 We work with other trans authors who chose not to be included in this post, and we support them too! It’s scary times to be out in a lot of countries, we get it, and protecting the anonymity and privacy of the people who work with us is one of our top priorities. To be visible on this day, in the current international climate, is an act of bravery, and we salute everyone choosing to publicly celebrate their identity today, and we respect everyone choosing not to. <3

Adrian Harley

Works:

Editor on He Bears the Cape of Stars and She Wears the Midnight Crown

“Some Sparks That Are Like Wit,” in the anthology And Seek (Not) to Alter Me (has a trans male main character!)

“So a demon walks into a party…,” in the anthology She Wears the Midnight Crown (has a main character for whom gender is complicated)

Adrian Harley is an almost-lifelong North Carolinian and a fantasy fiction aficionado who didn’t start delving deep into fandom until adulthood. They are an editor of research by day and an aspiring novelist, also by day. They go to bed early. They have short stories forthcoming in OFIC Magazine and future Duck Prints Press anthologies. They live with their husband and a perfectly reasonable number of cats.

Link: Twitter

-

Stephen G. Krueger

Works:

“On Not Going to Parties,” in the anthology He Bears the Cape of Stars (includes a trans male character, an agender character, and a non-binary character!)

Stephen G. Krueger (he/him/his), fandom name WithBroomBefore, is queer, trans, and aroace; he is an academic librarian in the northeast United States. His other writing includes the book Supporting Trans People in Libraries, a handful of professional chapters and articles, and The Trans Advice Column (a co-authored blog that is exactly what it sounds like). Stephen holds a B.A. in English from Warren Wilson College and an M.S. in Library Science from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill; he is currently making leisurely progress towards an M.A. in Arctic and Northern Studies from the University of Alaska Fairbanks. He knits and sells hats, some with pride flag colors on them, and enjoys watching figure skating while his three cats take turns claiming lap space.

Links: Archive of Our Own | Etsy | Personal Website

-

Puck Malamud

Works:

“Confluence,” in the anthology Add Magic to Taste

A Shield For the People (has a trans male main character!)

Puck Malamud (pronouns: ve/ver/vis/verself or they/them/theirs/themself) is a librarian, writer, and poet who has lived in a variety of large East Coast US cities since immigrating from Ukraine in the 1990s. Ve is co-author of a chapter on being L.G.B.T.Q. in the library profession, and author and co-author of multiple fanfics in various fandoms, though primarily The Untamed and Mo Dao Zu Shi. When not desperately trying to keep up with vis Libby holds, Puck can be found practicing dance, playing TTRPGs and board games, hanging out in various Slacks and Discords, and shitposting on Tumblr.

Links: Tumblr

-

Alec J. Marsh

Works:

Editor on our upcoming anthologies Aim For The Heart and Aether Beyond the Binary

“To relish a love song, like a robin redbreast,” in the anthology She Wears the Midnight Crown

Aether Beyond the Binary author contributor (forthcoming)

A Mutual Interest

To Drive the Hundred Miles (has a trans male main character!)

Heart’s Scaffold

Study Hall

Alec lives in the Pacific Northwest, where they write romantic adult fantasy and self-indulgent fanfiction. They make candles inspired by their favorite characters.

Links: Etsy | Instagram | Twitter

-

Catherine E. Green

Works:

Editor on our upcoming anthologies Aim For The Heart and Aether Beyond the Binary

Aim For The Heart author contributor (forthcoming)

Aether Beyond the Binary author contributor (forthcoming)

Of Loops and Weaves (trans female main character, this is Patreon/ko-fi exclusive)

Catherine E. Green (pronouns: xe/xem/xyr or they/them/their) is an agender person, one who’s had an on-again, off-again love affair with writing. Xe began writing when xe was a wee thing, when xyr other major pastimes were playing xyr mother’s NES and roughhousing with the boys next door. It’s only in the past few years that they have begun writing consistently and publishing their writing, fanfiction and original writing alike, leading to their first published short story titled “Of Loops and Weaves.”

Outside of writing, xe is a collector of books and sleep debt and an avid admirer of the cosmos. Playing video games, reading a variety of fiction genres (primarily fantasy, queer romance, and manga and graphic novels of all kinds), and working on wrangling their own personal data archiving projects occupy most of their free time. Xe has also started meeting up with a local fiber arts group and is excited to be crocheting xyr first scarf.

-

S. J. Ralston

Works:

Aether Beyond the Binary author contributor (forthcoming)

S. J. grew up in the distinctly weird town of Athens, GA, bounced around in the American southwest for a while, and landed in Houston, TX, where they currently work as a Mars Research Scientist. They’ve been writing original works and fanfiction since they could hold a pencil semi-correctly, and continue to write both whenever possible (as well as still holding a pencil only semi-correctly). They’re currently working on developing a portfolio of published original works. In their clearly copious spare time, S. J. enjoys hiking, tabletop RPGs, jigsaw puzzles, and enthusiastically crappy sci-fi.

Links: Personal Website

-

N. C. Farrell

Works:

“Eldest Daughter Seeks Her Wife,” in the anthology She Wears the Midnight Crown 

N. C. Farrell (they/he) grew up in California’s Silicon Valley, where they spent long days hiking the coastal mountains, reading an impressive number of books about dragons (and cats, and spaceships, and magic, etc.), and creating stories with their friends. He moved to Massachusetts for college, where he studied psychology while reading more books (some of which were even for classes!), participating in LARPs, and ensuring that the SF/F club’s student-run convention had a solid schedule. Since graduating, N. C. Farrell has worked in various education-related roles. They currently spend much of their free time reading (more translated webnovels than paper books right now), writing (a lot of fanfic), practicing aikido, playing TTRPGs, and being supervised by a small shadow in the shape of a cat.

-

Alex Ransom

Works:

“Flowers Bloom Even Then,” in the anthology Add Magic to Taste (has a non-binary main character!)

“A Midwinter Night’s Dream,” in the anthology He Bears the Cape of Stars

Alex Ransom is a longtime fan writer and translator recently expanding into original fiction. Her favorite trope, as both reader and writer, is “Earn Your Happy Ending,” in which characters fight through perhaps inordinate amounts of difficulty to come out happier and more content on the other side. She is especially interested in the intersection between social circumstances, personal history, and the formation and maintenance of identity. Her favorite genres are space opera, fantasy, queer romance, and poetry.

As a child, Alex thought everything was better if it was more complicated and that the best answer to a yes or no question was usually “both”. Consequently, today she is bi/pansexual, trans/nonbinary, has worked a variety of jobs, and has three degrees in completely unrelated fields. When she isn’t writing or doomscrolling on the internet, she likes to travel, hike, and build marginally functional furniture. She lives outside Boston, Massachusetts, with her spouse and adult daughter.

-

Thanks for joining us in celebrating gender diversity and supporting trans creators on Trans Day of Visibility!

Who we are: Duck Prints Press LLC is an independent publisher based in New York State. Our founding vision is to help fanfiction authors navigate the complex process of bringing their original works from first draft to print, culminating in publishing their work under our imprint. We are particularly dedicated to working with queer authors and publishing stories featuring characters from across the LGBTQIA+ spectrum. Love what we do? Want to make sure you don’t miss the announcement for future giveaways? Sign up for our monthly newsletter and get previews, behind-the-scenes information, coupons, and more!

Want to support the Press, read about us behind-the-scenes, learn about what’s coming down the pipeline, get exclusive teasers, and claim free stories? Back us on Patreon or ko-fi monthly!

[batboyblog]

LOUISVILLE — She wanted to hear Henry’s voice again. So she went to her son’s room on an overcast February day and started digging through the boxes he left behind, looking for something he’d written to give her guidance.

Henry Berg-Brousseau always knew what to say.

Eight years had passed since he’d told Kentucky lawmakers how it felt, at 16, to be the only transgender student at his high school. Eight weeks had passed since he’d killed himself, at 24, at his Northern Virginia apartment.

It was Henry who’d inspired his mother, Karen Berg, to run for Kentucky’s state Senate, helping her win a seat in an overwhelmingly Republican legislature now contemplating a pile of anti-trans bills.

All morning long, the doctor turned Democratic lawmaker had been pacing around her Louisville house, trying to figure out what she could say to stop them.

“Don’t shake. Don’t cry. Don’t let your voice waver,” Karen, 61, muttered to herself as she did the laundry. “Short and sweet is better.”

Henry, who’d worked as a press secretary for a major LGBTQ advocacy group, often reminded her to speak in sound bites, to repeat phrases so listeners could absorb the message.

But would the people with power in Frankfort pay attention?

It was an election year in Kentucky, and amid America’s widening cultural rifts, Republicans were pouncing on gender identity issues. Already, almost a dozen new anti-trans laws had been proposed in Kentucky: censoring books on gender, barring doctors from providing hormone therapy to trans teens, banning them from certain restrooms and locker rooms.

Five days earlier, a senator running for lieutenant governor had stood a few feet from Karen and introduced legislation to allow teachers to use students’ birth names and pronouns against their wishes. He was greeted with thunderous applause from colleagues.

Karen, one of just six Democrats in the Senate, couldn’t believe it.

Now she headed down to the basement and sat among the 30 boxes that had arrived from Henry’s apartment in Arlington.

“I keep searching for his smell, but I can’t find it,” she said, rooting through his old shirts.

She found herself returning to his childhood bedroom.

“God, I could use his advice right now,” she said quietly, as she leafed through his high school yearbooks.

It was in ninth grade — when Henry came out as transgender to his classmates — that the cruelty and isolation peaked. Parents Karen had known for more than a decade called to say they didn’t want Henry talking to their kids anymore. Bullies hacked his Tumblr blog and repeatedly sent him messages telling him to kill himself. The first of several suicide attempts followed soon after.

From one crate, she pulled a thick stack of binders from Henry’s time at George Washington University in D.C.

“These must’ve been from his classes when he came home during covid,” she said. As she flipped through them, the neatly penciled handwriting on one college-ruled page jumped out at her.

“Oh my God,” she whispered as she made out the first words on the page.

“What am I living for?” it read. “Why? What is keeping me?”

Underneath, her son had written out in tidy columns across two pages the apparent pros and cons of killing himself.

“I can’t,” Karen said, struggling to breathe. “I didn’t expect this. I’m not ready.”

She laid the pages down.

She thought about the hour-long drive to Frankfort the next morning and the eight-week legislative session still ahead. She thought about the fellow state senators she planned to plead with in private. And about the floor speech she was still composing to persuade them to back away from more anti-transgender laws — for her sake, for the sake of her son, for the sake of others like him.

“If they’re going to pass these bills,” she said, “I want them to see me and my dead child and know that they are killing other Henrys out there.”

Continue

every single line of this is heart breaking.