#toxic relationships can LEAD to abuse but they are not the same

[trannydykes]

btw with the trend of "toxic yuri/yaoi".. please learn the difference between a toxic and abusive relationship

and also the difference between a toxic relationship and a healthy relationship with ppl who are morally grey

[muntitled]

Girl On TV

Pairings: Namgyu x Fem!Reader

Summary: After being humiliated by his not-so-innocent friends for being far too innocent, you decide not to be such a prude for once in your life

Warnings: Language, Substance Abuse, Toxic Relationship, Male Manipulation, Virgin!Reader, Coercion, Peer Pressure, Drug Use, Virginity shaming, Smut (+18) mdni, Degradation Kink, Praise Kink, Sadism, Sadomasocism, Grinding, Porn, Corruption Kink, Pillow Humping, Mutual Masterbation

A/n: I love being a problematic Namgyu stan

You hadn't known it would come down to this.

Had you been told before you would be dragged to sit on his lap under the dim lights of Club Pentagon and made to see this... you might not even have some at all.

Perhaps if he had invited you under the guise of distracting you from academics for one Friday night, you might've been more open.

Less of a prude.

But you had never seen such a clean line of powder stretched across the table in your life. In fact your body burns with not only embarrassment at being in the proximity of such hardcore drugs, but your bones were also set alight in fear.

The arms that have been cradling your waist pulls you in tighter, making you feel smaller than you actually were on his lap. This is what you loved about him. He liked you. Your curves. Your face. Your everything.

You could stick this out, couldn't you?

You should.

"Woah," He calmly whispers into your ear. All at once, every morsel of discomfort is driven out by your overwhelming need to please him.

The club is dark.

The music is good.

Namgyu's pulled you onto his lap in front of an embarrassingly large group of strangers. Everything is perfect.

"What's wrong?" He's so attentiative, bending his head down to whispers conspiratorially into your hair. His voice drowns out the oppressive rap song being performed on the center stage on the ground floor of the club and for all of five minutes its just you and him and the cocaine. Buy mainly, just him.

"You're strung up." He whispers.

You're quiet for a few tense minutes, wondering if you should voice your concerns and risk having him disappointed in you for not having fun like he intended.

"I don't know if I'm too comfortable."

"Here?" You hear him whisper, slightly poking his head forward to nudge his nose into the back of your neck, "With me?" He's using that petulant almost needy voice of his when he's inebriated and it tugs at something deeply troubled inside you.

"Not with you," you reassure him, "With that-" you nudge your head forward slightly, leading his half-lidded eyes to the long stripe of cocaine marring the table. "And your friends," you reluctantly murmur, letting yourself sink against him as if he had the power to scare these drunken people away. As if he wasn't forcing you here, amongst them at all.

"You know Thanos is a big name in the club scene-" He begins and you cut him off by sighing very loudly as you resch forward to grab your glass of water off the small, reflective table.

Thoroughly annoyed because he's sung this song before.

"I know, Namgyu but-"

His fingers weave into themselves around your waist, securing you against him like a baby, "Just be cool for like 40 minutes- maybe and hour-"

Your blood pressure skyrocketed as you turned back to shoot him, not only a look of immense incredulousness but betrayal.

"Namgyu, you said you wanted to take me out- yeah? Not your friends-”

"-Then we can get out of here, and I'll give you all the kisses you want."

You sigh heavily once more. “You didn't say anything about-"

He loosens his grip from your waist before standing up, forcing you to stand up in the process.

"He's coming," he whispers, keeping his eye off into the distance. His attention is much not on you and your present moral struggles.

"This is work, baby, you know this-"

"Namgyu- I have a test on-"

He pinches your side as a new guest enters the section. "Shh." Namgyu whispers at the same time the guest's boisterous hollers cause you to quite literally flinch.

"Yo, Namsu!" He's dripping in gold chains and purple hair. "Who is this fine Senorita you've brought with you?" He asks despite having two women under his arm. "You trying to outdo me bro?" Thanos takes a seat directly beside you and Your boyfriend.

"This is my girl-" He says at the same time Namgyu pulls you back onto his lap.

"It's Nam-Gyu-" you say through gritted teeth. "Not Nam-Su." Your eyes are narrowed at the man who only listens and smiles.

You glare daggers at the man before your boyfriend taps you slightly, reminding you to answer. “I have water- so no thank you." You say before mumbling, "I'm not a snitch either-"

"Is she partaking with us?" He asks your boyfriend, despite looking right at you. “Or is she a snitch?"

The girl under Thanos' arm snickers. "Water?"

You once again, tried to crawl further into Namgyu's lap.

He, thankfully tightened his grip around your waist, never letting you go as he conversed in inebriated chatter with Thanos. The more drugs they consumed the louder they got, until Namgyu started flailing his right arm wildly while he told a story, still having somewhat enough sense to keep a languid grip on your waist.

Somewhere, amongst all the useless chatter, you decided to add in your two cents, snickering quietly to yourself as you mumbled over the rim of your glass, "I've actually never watched porn before-"

"What do you mean you've never watched porn before?" Your eyes widen when you realize you'd spoken louder than you intended to and one of Thanos' girls snicker loudly. The sound carries across the table to his degenerate friends and their girlfriend's and causes a whole new wave of laughter to be birthed from your embarrassment.

You begin to squirm in Namgyu's lap.

Despite the drugs and the loud music, the two of you were having such a nice evening... You never fancied partying much and yet, your boyfriend had to sink his claws into you to get you to agree to one night of partying. The consequences of that decision are playing out in front of you.

"You've been banging a virgin this entire time?" Thanos asks Namgyu the same time and nameless girl says-

"Even I've watched porn."

Despite the anxiety flooding your veins at being the center of unwanted attention, Namgyu's grip around your waist is firm. It keeps you grounded. It tightens around you now, nudging you against him like his nose at the nape of your neck.

"Have I?" Namgyu asks with his eyes as hazy as the city caught in dusk. There isn't alcohol on his breath, only a light dust of snow under his nose.

"Have you what?" You ask, staring down at your trembling hands.

"Been dealing with a virgin this entire time?" He asks, unraveling your very private life to a room full of strangers. He's high. And incredibly loose with his mouth. You have to find it in you to take his inebriation into account but you only feel annoyed.

“Is that why you don't do drugs with me?"

"I don't do drugs with you because I actually value my health-"

"Sick burn," Thanos snorts in his little corner.

Your eyes widen. Your throat tightens.

These aren't your people.

Your people are nestled in the university library, cramming one final time before their semester tests.

Yet here you were, caught under a thick cloud of smoke that had your throat burning, all for a boy.

And admittedly priceless one.

"Don't be an asshole." You turn to glare daggers at him.

"Don't be a prude-" he shoots back. A few locks of hair fall from behind his ear as he watches you with a darkened gaze. "Is that why we haven't had sex yet?" Your heart plummets, "cus you're a virgin?” Namgyu asks. You don't know which side he's on.

"Woah!? A virgin in the flesh-" Thanos hollers, staring at you like a specimen in a petri dish. He nudges the girl under his arm, "I'd cheat on you if you ever tried that shit with me.”

"I know!" The girl responds before turning to look at you with dazed, dilated pupils. "Aren't you scared he's gonna do something if you wait too long?"

These aren't your people.

"If Namgyu wants to sleep with someone then by all means-"

You wrestle out of his iron grip, thanking God for the water that's keeping you sober and steady on your feet.

"Ooh, spicy, spicy-" Thanos mumbles

"Can I go please?" Namgyu keeps his hand in yours, looking up at you with a deadly glare.

"Nah, you leave when I leave, I'm still working-"

You pull your hand out of his.

"I have a test on Tuesday. Goodnight.

Its not like you thought he would follow you. Namgyu was especially selfish, as was the case for most addicts. Right now, you imagine him snapping out of his daze, leaning back over that table, tucking his hair behind his ears as he snorted up whatever Thanos wanted him to.

You didn't think you were being followed and so you feel thoroughly and completely alone once you get to your apartment.

Despite being completely alone this evening, you still try to hide what you're watching on your phone. Your headsets are pulled over your ears, your head reclined against the arm of the couch while your blankie was pulled over your supine frame. You hadn't exactly planned on watching porn this evening but the group's bullying had left you curious.

The girl projected on your phone screen looks up at the actor about to rail her insides. "You've been a bad girl,"

You roll your eyes into the back of your skull. This was precisely why you refrained from mainstream porn. Some of the best stuff was either in your audio files or in your reading list. Visual porn never did much for you- until you scrolled a little too far down to a new, more promising video.

The actress has a crimson handprint on her ass, as her dom forces her to ride her pillow. Despite the difference in skin tone and the overall mediocre acting, you were having a considerable amount of fun imagining yourself in her place. You thought about an invisible collar clamped around your throat with a big, strong, domineering man loomed above you, forcing you to push your clit right up against-

The more you slipped into a pleasure filled haze. You watch with bated breath.

"Sh-it-" you nearly fall off the couch. Your phone plops out of your slippery hands, right onto your face and your headphones slide off. Standing above you, is Namgyu, trying to fight a grin off his face as he stares down at you. You look up at him with wide, frightened eyes.

"Wh-when did you get back home?" the words barely leave your mouth before Namgyu's grabbing your phone.

"Naughty, naughty girl," He doesn't seem surprised to see the contents on your screen. In fact, the only giveaway that he saw anything at all is the slight flicker his eyes make towards you, before he stares back down at the phone.

"H-How was 'work'?" You're desperately trying to steer your attention away from the blatant porn on your phone screen, away from the smirk on his face as he bites his lips, away from his exposed tattoos in his short sleeve shirt.

"Work was work." He replied, still watching the porn, "I'm high as shit." He says casually as he disappears into the bedroom, your phone still in his hand.

"Hard too." He says when he returns. Your phone clutched in one hand and the large teddy bear he bought you for your 21st clutched in the other hand. You furrow your brows up at him, confused when he takes a seat on the couch. Your feet against his thigh as he clicks a few buttons on your phone before seating the giant teddy bear beside him.

He grabs the remote before pressing a few buttons.

You freeze when you hear the moans first.

Your gaze catches the TV.

There, the girl from your screen rides her pillow and you're forced to watch.

You're almost too embarrassed to feel turned on. Ungluing your eyes from the TV, you instead watch your hands in your lap.

He places a hand under your chin, forcing you to look up at him. He's sitting comfortably on his side, remarkably unfazed by the girl's pornographic moans.

"Fuck the bear." Is all he says, as he leans against his arm and he strokes your chin. Petting you.

"Wha-"

"You gonna make me ask again?"

It's something in his tone and his hazy, half-lidded gaze that kickstarts your senses as you languidly stand on your feet. You're trembling and he reaches out to interlock your hands in his. Namgyu loved how eager yet innocent you are for him. He can see in the clumsiness of your movements that you were already slipping into subspace. With trembling fingers, you reach up to the thin straps of your pyjama dress and he nods his head.

"Should I take off my panties too?" Your voice is small.

Namgyu tilts his head. "You even have to ask?"

Behind you, the girl's breathing doubles and her moans increase.

"Better hurry or she's gonna cum." He taunts, watching like a stone statue as you mount the bear seated beside him. Namgyu's breathing catches as you straddle the bear, your movements tense and uncertain.

"Fuck the bear-" you lower your cunt onto the fur material and you moan, having not realized how wet you'd actually been this entire evening.

"That's it- fuck." He spreads his legs, leaning back more as he lets his hand brush over the tent in his jeans.

You don't moan because it feels good. It doesn't. Not immediately at least. You moan because Namgyu is watching. Reclined against the couch as his eyes stay on you.

"Ride the plushie like the girl in the video." He says. Your throat dries when he continues to languidly stroke his hand over the bulge in his sweatpants.

"Fuck- Gyu," he knew when the nickname fell from your lips that you were done for.

You both were.

Your eyes steadily roll to the back of your head as you grind your pussy against the bear, already creating a wet spot.

Behind you, you heard the girl moan and whine and somehow that spurrs you on.

"So fucking needy-” you gasp when you feel a hand cupping your exposed breasts. Namgyu reaches over to tweak your nipples just as his other hand finally slips inside his pants.

"Crane your fucking neck back. Try to watch the slut make herself cum." When you do, your hips stutter hard and your clit twitches.

"You watch her." Namgyu commands, stroking his exposed cock, "I'd rather watch you."

As you watch, his mouth runs. Namgyu swore a lot but it doubled when he caught himself in the throes of arousal.

“You look just like that bitch, you know that?”

Your mouth snaps open as you watch her. Your expression is pained.

“You want everyone to think you're such a quiet little girl but your just a slut, yeah?” He speaks lpuder, “Just my fucking slut- fuck.” It nearly causes you to cum everywhere. Her hand is pushing down on the face of the poor, poor pillow as she rides it. You can tell she's close.

Unable to look any longer, you turn back. Your hazy eyes meets Namgyu's dilated ones. He's stroking his cock, head thrown back against the back of the couch, mouth slightly ajar. His cock is throbbing in his hand and he squeezes, showing you the precum sliding down the length.

"Gyu, please-" you grinded harder against the plushy and Namgyu picked up the pace.

"You imagining me fucking you, huh?" He throws his head back, closing, his eyes momentarily close as his cock twitches in his hand.

"Fuck- I-" your clit was rubbing against the plushie just right. Namgyu's fingers mercilessly squeezing your nipples have you seeing stars. This friction was enough.

Fuck.

Air could be enough to let you come in this moment. All you had to do was buck your hips a little more- but the pain blooming across your breasts were distracting you from cumming.

"Please-" your whole body was trembling- "It fucking hurts!"

His mouth falls open at that, before leaning his head against the couch. He squeezes the base of his cock and you watch the precum slide down its length.

"Fuck, say that again-" he brings his head back before stroking his cock faster. "Fuck the plushie, baby," His hips move up from the couch to meet his hand. "Tell me it hurts again-"

He sits up to tweak your nipples again and you whine. "H-Hurts so bad-"

"Yeah, Princess, just like that," he groans, throwing his head back, "Such a stupid fucking slut-" he admits, voice groggy.

Somehow that final degradation has your hips twitching as your clit spasms and you slip into the stars.

The second you cum, Namgyu does too. Cursing and mumrering a quiet and slightly broken, "Fuck- such s-slut-" before reaching over to grab a fistfull of your braids. Your hips are still writhing, your eyes as blank as a corpse as he pulls you forward to spray his cum all over your face.

He squeezes his cock, unable to keep his pretty eyes shut as he watches you writhe and moan. "Fuck me-" he sighs.

"Don't watch this shit again." He says, huffing and puffing. "It's bad for you."

In a second, he presses a button on the remote and the TV screen is black.

"If you need dick, come to me."

"You were making f-fun of me," you grumble under your breath, and you sigh heavily.

Your eyes are shut but you can feel him playing with his cum on your face.

"I wasn't making fun of you. I was just surprised. You're surprising." There's a thick layer of emotion in his voice. It has your body wracking with aftershocks. "You're not like anything I've ever experienced."

[astrolook]

🌙 Moon in Synastry: How You Emotionally Connect (or Clash) 💥

Note: First of all, these are my personal observations based on client readings and what I have observed in real life relationships whether flings, short-term romances, long-term commitments, or marriages. We will be looking into both good and the shadow side of it. No single synastry aspect determines if a relationship is “meant to be” or if someone is your soulmate. True soulmates won’t bring you constant pain, abuse, emotional neglect, or detachment. They won’t harm you, manipulate you, or make you question your worth.

Now, with that said… let’s dive into today's post!

Moon in Fire Signs (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius) 🔥- You feel first, think later. Both outbursts and passionate affection are all part of the package. If partner can’t keep up with your energy, you’ll get bored fast. If both of you have fire moons, you’ll either ignite a romance or burn it down.

Moon in Air Signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) 🌬️- You process feelings by talking it out… forever. Space and freedom are your emotional love language with some occasional tears. If partner is clingy, your flight mode gets activated. If both of you have air moons, your love notes will be text essays and memes.

Moon in Earth Signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) 🌿- Stability > emotional drama. Love here is shown thru practical actions. You bottle up emotions until…well, you explode in the most rational way possible. If partner isn’t dependable, you check out emotionally. If both of you have earth moons, you’re basically a power couple with a solid 401(k).

Moon in Water Signs (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) 🌊- Your emotions run deeper than the Mariana Trench. When hurt, you withdraw into your emotional shell…for years. You crave soul-connections but somehow 9/10 times attracts toxic people successfully. If both of you have water moons, the relationship feels destined, intense, and occasionally exhausting.

Moon through the houses:

Moon in 1st -

The Moon person emotions are all over your identity. The house person feels seen and accepted. Instant emotional connection. They can read your moods before you even speak. Feels like you've known each other forever. The house person would feel emotionally tied together.

The Moon person might be too emotionally reactive to house person’s moods. If emotions aren't mutual, one person might feel suffocated. House person might feel too exposed or emotionally overwhelmed. Can lead to codependency if not balanced.

Moon in 2nd -

The Moon person sees the house person as their personal emotional ATM like the withdrawals of comfort and security guaranteed! If you both love practical romance think home-cooked meals and doing something together, this is a dream come true. The Moon person truly adores the house person and sees them attractive and their "type".

The Moon person might get a little too comfy, treating the house person like an emotional vending machine. The house person could become way too possessive. True love is priceless, but this overlay might make it feel like it comes with a price tag. House person could feel like they are taken advantage of by the Moon person.

Moon in 3rd -

Conversations just flow, it’s like your brains are on the same Wi-Fi network. The Moon person gets the house person’s way of thinking, no explanations needed. The bond is fun, light, and effortlessly supportive. Both of you laughs at the same dumb jokes or have deep talks.

The connection can feel more bestie with emotional perks/benefits than fiery soulmate passion. The Moon person could get a little too invested in the house person's daily life. One of you might feel the other is too chatty and just won't shut up about things.

Moon in 4th -

There is a weird sense of "I know you". Deep emotional security, like an invisible weighted blanket wrapped around both of you. Feels heartwarming and like family. If you both love intensity, this is the ride-or-die emotional bond.

Family-level fights. Emotional abuse. You know, the kind where only they can trigger your childhood wounds in 0.2 seconds. Emotional baggage unpacked right in the middle of your relationship. The Moon person might behave like an overbearing parent making the house person feel like "Why can't I breathe around you?"

Moon in 5th -

The Moon person sees the house person as pure romantic magic even their bad hair days look artistic. The Moon person is like head over heels for the house person. feels like young, child-like love no matter their age.

The Moon person might idolize the house person a little too much. Responsibilities take a backseat. If the house person doesn’t return the emotional warmth, the Moon person feels like a sad poet. Common in one-sided relationships.

Moon in 6th -

The Moon person feels like it's their mission is to take care of the house person. One of you is always looking out for the other, which can be adorable. If you have a shared goal, dream team vibes! You get stuff done. This overlay can create a nurturing, stable relationship.

The Moon person can sacrifice too much and then passive-aggressively sulk about it. It can feel more like a boss/employee dynamic than romance unless you’re into that. If either of you lacks boundaries, this turns into resentment city fast. The Moon person micromanages the house person's daily life. The house person might start expecting favors and the Moon person could feel like an unpaid intern.

Moon in 7th -

This overlay feels like slipping into your favorite cozy hoodie, it's safe, familiar, and warm. The house person naturally wants to be around the Moon person. Relationship flows like a well-balanced duet as you complete each other. One of the strongest overlays for long-term commitment.

If one person takes the other for granted, resentment brews like bad coffee. The Moon person may get emotionally clingy, which can suffocate the house person. One of you is suppressing their emotions and simply compromise to keep the peace.

Moon in 8th -

You’re drawn to each other like moths to a forbidden flame. Unspoken understanding like you can read each other’s soul files. A transformational relationship whether that’s growth or destruction depends on you. The whole dark romance package.

Feels less like romance, more like a crime-of-passion waiting to happen. Triggers all the buried baggage like insecurities, jealousy and all. Couples who are one and off for years and can't really let go of each other has this overlay.

Moon in 9th -

You bond over big ideas, deep convos, and shared worldviews. Mutual growth like adventuring together, mentally or literally. Long-distance isn't a problem as your connection transcends miles. The house person feels inspired like a guru with their most devoted follower.

Moon person might feel inferior, house person might feel pressured to be amazing 24/7. Too much idealism on one or both sides. May turn into a motivational speaker/fan club dynamic instead of romance.

Moon in 10th -

There is mutual respect for each other’s achievements and professional goals. One of you might be the ultimate trophy for the other’s success story. Practical and productive. No time for emotional drama. If you’re both goal-oriented, you’re the dream team.

Trophy wife/husband vibes can get a little too shallow for comfort. Emotional distance and self-serving tendencies may leave one or both of you feeling a bit disconnected. Not the best for intimacy unless your charts have other affectionate touches.

Moon in 11th -

You meet, and it’s like you’ve known each other forever. You both feel like you can show your true selves without worrying about the judgment. You see the house person as your dream come true, and they feel the same way about you. No grudges. You can never really stay mad at each other it's like you’re permanently in good vibes mode.

It's the “castle in the air.” Sometimes it feels like a fairytale that might be a bit too dreamy/one-sided. You both might live in an idealized bubble and overlook real issues. One or both of you is just daydreaming about the relationship without doing anything in reality.

Moon in 12th -

You connect on a soul-deep level, it's mysterious, intense, and possibly otherworldly. Both partners are attuned to each other's needs, with an almost telepathic understanding. The relationship invites raw, unfiltered emotional expression, fostering a strong bond. There's immense potential for healing and growth together.

The Moon person always feels like the house person is hiding something even if they’re not. This overlay's a paranoia central. It’s like a dark cloud of suspicion hanging over everything, no logical reason, just gut feelings. Accusations fly between both of you. Every little misunderstanding hits deep, and healing’s tough. The survival rate for this overlay is low unless you’ve got the emotional fortitude of a zen master.

Check out my Sun in Synastry: The Light They Bring Or Burn You With

✨ Wanna know more about your birth chart or your relationship? DM me for a synastry or complete birth chart reading ✨ and check out my pinned post for pricing! 🌟💫

[kawareo]

Sceleritas Fel. Your loyal, and ever-adoring, butler.

I love this guy but to me he is one of the scariest part of the Dark Urge story

When I first met him, I thought he was hilarious and silly and that it was cute how much he genuinely loved Durge, and then it hit me just how fucked up the fact that I thought so was.

I find Sceleritas as a concept so interesting! He is there to provide someone for Durge to talk to, someone he can think he can trust - but can he, really? Sceleritas is, in the end, an extension of Bhaal. Everything he does he does in a way that pushes Durge towards Bhaal. The way he babies Durge is funny at first but then it scares me; Durge is not allowed to grow up and mature emotionally so that he has to always stay daddy's special boy. Durge's concerns are brushed off and he's scolded like a child. Slayer form gets called 'jimjams' and even that is babied. Scel compliments him all the time and at the same time never takes his actual words as something serious. Durge isn't even allowed to make up his own mind about anything - i'm thinking back to Sceleritas telling him that his Urges are his true nature, his own thoughts that are trying to claw their way outside, when I'm pretty sure it's canon that the Urge is Bhaal's will that is implanted in Durge's mind.

Another thing is what Scel says when you kill him as a Slayer - every death brings out a smarter, better Sceleritas. No wonder he enjoys you killing him, it literally makes him better!

He's also a pretty shitty butler, as you can tell from the flashback scene where he fucks up and accidentally slices a vein of a victim Durge was dissecting alive. Why? Because he was 'drunk on the job, again'. That kind of goes against everything Scel leads you to believe about himself and is so interesting to me.

Scel exists to make sure Durge doesn't have a need to talk to or trust or be with anyone else, his social and more mortal needs are satisfied in a way that is no risk to bhaal or his dogma. Everything around Scel screams gaslighting and something extremely icky and the worst part is that it is really easy to see how Durge would fall for what Scel appears to be at first glance.

But then again, this is just my interpretation, and I do tend to prefer to look at darker side of things especially when it comes to the Temple of Bhaal, I do want to explore this take on Sceleritas and Durge's relationship more in my fics, just how smothering and toxic it actually is. Again, just my interpretation, but Scel is also part of why Strike is the way he is when it comes to sex, the butler played a big role in normalizing sexual abuse in the temple to the point where Strike isn't even aware of it being abuse in the first place.

[mofsblog]

Defending Ending 2

Okay I've seen a lot of discourse around the "True Ending" of Clinical Trial and I just wanted to give my take on it. Spoilers under the cut

I know a lot of people didn't like Ending 2's light and happier tone and it being the True Ending and felt like it absolved Lee of any consequences and just put Angel in a dangerous shitty position, isolated with a murderer and argue that it goes against the whole point of the game… But I just really don't view it like that. To me, Ending 2 reinforces some of the game's central themes surrounding consent, neurodivergency and societal neglect.

While I do think Lee can be manipulative (ESPECIALLY in the Reject route) and consistently hides things from Angel, I do think the Accept route that leads into Ending 2/the True Ending is a product of Angel's own anatomy as much as Ending 1 is. While Angel chooses to forgive him initally for the shrine thing, they don't dismiss or downplay what he did either. While they do display some unhealthy thought patterns (the idea that they never thought someone would ever pay so much attention to them <- which is a belief absolutely fueled by self hatred) that could contribute to their forgiveness, they don't let that blind them from the inherent fucked upness of what Lee's done. This isn't a "Wow, you did nothing wrong. Let's date!" situation. It's a "You fucked up and you hurt me but I'm willing to give you another chance, if you change for the better" situation.

Same thing with the revelation of the murder. Angel does not downplay how upset they are to appease him. Even when they acknowledge Lee killing Brandon probably prevented him from harming future victims as he's a repeated offender who likely wouldn't stop, Angel still acknowledge that Lee didn't know that when he killed him. Angel is consistently able to voice their grievances with him and call him out on the wrongness of his actions, which is why I feel pretty comfortable stating that Lee and Angel's relationship, no matter how fucked up, toxic or unhealthy, is not an abusive one because Angel is always able to voice their issues with him and he is more than willing to listen.

The player, and by extension, Angel is also explicitly given the choice on whether or not to forgive him with both revelations (I especially like that Angel's given the choice to basically back out of the relationship, even after they accept the shrine thing, after the murder reveal), highlighting their agency. Yes, you can absolutely argue that Angel's decision to forgive Lee twice is likely influenced by their loneliness and need for connection and that does make their relationship a bit unhealthy (and interesting/hj) but again I don't think it's abusive.

I also want to point out that even if the Accept route, Angel gives Lee conditions. They don't just accept him willy-nilly. They want him to actually listen to them.

I think that Angel's ultimate decision to forgive Lee isn't just to date him, it's to give him another chance at becoming a better, more rounded person. A large part of the whole game is about how society (the education system and the medical system) tends to fail neurodivergent people, especially those most in need of help. Angel and Lee literally bond over their different experiences of neurodivergency (or implied neurodivergency on Lee's end) and how ultimately society failed both of them (with neither of them managing to succeed in ways they wanted because the system wasn't built for people like them).

There's also the prevalent mentions and implications of past punishments that we can observe through some of Lee's dialogue. He's canonically an ex Mormon, who was probably consistently punished (and abused) for any wrongdoing (some of which we can assume could come down to traits of his neurodivergency as it's not too uncommon for autistic children to get misunderstood and mistreated). Similarly, we know that Angel was put some level of physical abuse and mistreatment by their school in an attempt to "correct" their left handedness and even then it's implied that's only one example of them being abused by the education system.

Both Lee and Angel know what it's like to be punished and hurt after displaying a 'weakness' or a mistake. They've both been hurt by the notion that punishment is necessary to improve a person, which is why I find the Accept route so powerful. I've seen a lot of people complain that Lee doesn't go to jail or face "tangible" consequences but the way I see it, prison would make him worse and remove any chance he has of healing. While fucked up, illegal and his fault, his actions are still partially a product of his upbringing and the lack of support and therapy for him. He specifically mentions that he never went to therapy so he could get his job. Lee is partially the product of an unaccomodating society as much as Angel is. (Also I could go on for hours about how his Mormon upbringing probably skewed his entire view on how relationships are supposed to function and probably made him think love has to be in the form of devotion)

The way I interpreted it. Angel wasn't coerced into staying with a dangerous, harmful person. Angel sees parts of themselves in Lee and is giving Lee a chance neither of them were ever given in a life. They're creating a new life together where mistakes and fuck ups aren't instantly met with punishment or harm. Yes, Lee fucked up horrendously, violating their trust and ignored their wishes but they're both willing to acknowledge that and work on it because maybe for once, one of them's allowed to fucked up without facing an abusive 'punishment' afterwards. Maybe for once, one of them's allowed to fuck up and be given room to grow and improve. And maybe for once, Angel gets to choose how they want their life to go.

No, most people probably wouldn't have made the same choices as Angel but its still their decision to make. Yes, it's likely influenced by their pre existing loneliness and trauma. Yes, Lee would have to put a lot of work in to change himself and that will take time and there's likely some unhealthy beliefs he'll always struggle with. Yes, Lee and Angel's relationship is far from conventional or completely healthy, but fuck man, I think they're giving eachother room to figure it out together and idk, there's something beautiful about that to me.

They're both very mentally ill but they're trying and there's something about that that I find oddly comforting. Most media with the yandere trope never really provide the option for the yandere character to actually try to reflect on their actions and maybe learn better ways to cope and honestly I was so sure that both endings would involve someone dying in some way because these types of stories don't tend to go well. Usually, after a certain point, a character's just framed as "too" far gone, "too" mentally ill, "too" fucked up and beyond saving and they usually die a tragic or poetic death (i.e like Ending 1). But Angel looks at Lee and his actions and decides fuck it and to say no to that. They make the choice to give Lee another chance any way after what he's done because they don't see him as irredeemable. I just really like the way they both get to live in the end and make a better life together and what that says about neurodivergent and mentally ill people.

[cinnamoonblue]

Chapter I | Lucky you

Summary: One reckless night leads to the biggest and most unexpected change in your life. How will this affect your current life and how you and the charming stranger you met only once will manage to handle the bringing of a new life to this world together is a challenge yet to be discovered. Will you be able to make the right choices while battling your own demons? Who knows, all you must be worried about now is that your period is late...

Main characters: Portgas D Ace x Reader

Supporting characters: Marco, Thatch, Whitebeard, Luffy, Sabo, Nico Robin, Boa Hancock, Isuka

Description: Modern AU | Firefighter Baby Daddy!Ace

WARNINGS: english is not my first language, explicit language, NSFW, 18+ only, contains explicit sexual themes and content, use of alcohol, slow burn, conflicted feelings, conflicted relationship, emotional distress, jealousy, suggestive themes, previous toxic relationships, mention of depression, mention/description of pregnancy, strangers to co-parents to lovers, mentions of a lot of anxiety, mentions of cheating, mentions of mental trauma, social anxiety (+ more warnings will be added if needed to)

Additional tags: Reader is super awkward and has social anxiety and low-self esteem but this changes (I don't want to spoil), Ace is emotional invalid when it comes to love, but this also changes (no spoilers)

WORD COUNT: 16,2K

main masterlist | story masterlist | next chapter ->

NOTE: I'm so excited for this story and what is about to come out of it and the journey I have planned for Reader and Ace. I really hope that you guys will like it as much as I enjoy writing it. I'll yap more in the end note, so for now enjoy ♡

Positive. All three tests show the same results, from the cheapest to the most expensive one the answer is clear – you are pregnant. Or better said – knocked up. This is everything else but a planned pregnancy.

Sitting on the tailed floor of your bathroom you try to take deep breaths but nothing your therapist has taught you works. Your heart is about to explode, and your mind is going wild. Panic is slowly overtaking you.

How did this happen? It was just one time. The one single time you let yourself have a one-night stand after almost two years without any sex or interaction with a man of any kind and you end up knocked up? This must be some kind of a joke.

5 weeks earlier

The waiting room of your therapist’s office has an inviting atmosphere, with two comfortable white fluff armchairs to sit on while you wait for your turn. A plush rug lay on the floor, muffling the sound of footsteps and creating a sense of serenity. Magazines and books are neatly arranged on a small modern glass table, offering a variety of reading material to distract anxious minds. Potted plants and tasteful artwork adorned the room, and the smell of lavender fills out the space.

Despite the calm atmosphere you are always a bit anxious before your therapist visits. Playing nervously with your fingers as you pull the edges of your hair has been a habit of yours when you are nervous since you can remember.

The reason why you went to therapy was because you have ended a three-year relationship, or your ex-partner did. During those three years you have lost a big part of yourself and who you are... were. If someone three years ago told you that you will end up in a toxic and mentally abusive relationship you most likely wouldn’t have believed them. The man you had fallen in love with, wasn’t the same man who you felt out of love and broke your heart and spirit.

It has taken you a lot and it still does to bring yourself back piece by piece, but slowly and steadily with the help of your therapist and close friends you are getting back on your feet.

The door to her office opens and you slightly lift your head. Watching your therapist sending her current patinate away with a warm encouraging smile, with whom you don’t dare to make any eye contact with; with that same smile she looks at you and invites you to enter her office. Giving her a small nod you get up and leave the comfort of the soft armchair and walk to her with a shy smile.

Walking into the now very familiar office, you take your usual spot on the nice light brown leather sofa placed in the middle of the room, next to her comfortable armchair made of the same leather. The walls painted in soothing shades of white and beige create a harmonious and calming backdrop. Natural light filters through large windows, gently illuminating the room and casting a warm glow. Potted plants add a touch of nature, while the painfully familiar artworks on the walls contribute for the minimalistic aesthetic of the office.

Once you put your bag and jacket aside you turn to your therapist as she closes the door and takes a seat on her chair. Nico Robin, a nice, intelligent and extremely gorgeous woman, an expert in her job, is the person who helps you to get back on your feet for the past ten moths. A close friend of yours at work has recommended you her and until this day you feel like you own your friend a huge favour for this. Who know how deep of a hole you would have dig yourself into if it wasn’t for your friend suggestion one day for you to go to therapy.   

“How are you feeling today (Y/N)?” She asks crossing her legs one over the other as she opens her notebook and waits for your response. “I love how your hair is today. Have you been to the hairdresser?”

Nodding with your head you give her a confident smile before your response, “I’m good and quite excited. And yes, I was before I came here. I thought to myself – why not treat myself today.”

 “I’m so happy you’re slowly getting this mindset back. You deserve it. What are you feeling excited for today?” Taking her glasses off she leans back on her armchair with curiosity spread across her features. So far into your sessions you have never mentioned being excited as current feeling; sad, lonely, confused, scared, lost, from time to time good, are your usual response, but excited – so far until today she hasn’t heard it from you.

“Well-” Leaning back on the sofa, you cross your legs and fix your posture to straighten your back a bit, but mostly to look more confident in what you are saying. “My best friend has a birthday today and we are going out, and surprisingly I really do want to go out. I haven’t felt like this in... well, you know. Months.” You chuckle with a half shrug.

Your self esteem and self worth have been broken to the ground after, and during, the time spent with your ex-partner. You recently gain some confidence to go out like you used to before. Because of all the things said from your ex, you felt like you must hide from the world. You felt so belittle that the thought of strangers outside of your family and friends to see you made your blood run cold, which also affected not only your personal, but professional life as well.

Now, thanks to the weekly therapy sessions with Nico Robin your confidence is slowly but steady coming back. Some weeks are better than the others, but you try not to get too hard on yourself, because the progress of getting yourself back together is acknowledge even by you.  

“I’m so glad to hear this. Have you threated yourself with a nice new outfit as well?” Robin smiles, more to herself than you as she hopes that you will give her a positive answer.

The first time you have walked into her office broke her heart a bit. She always keeps her professional behaviour, but seeing and hearing how a young beautiful woman like you had been constantly put down and unappreciated, while being the complete opposite off all those things made her blood boiled, especially from unsuccessful insecure men like the man who is now your ex.

“Yes, I did.” And you feel amazing about it. You don’t remember the last time you actually bought something that made you feel so desirable and sexy without doubting yourself. “Can you guess?” You playfully challenged your therapist.

She hasn’t seen much so far of this playful side of yours and she would be lying if she says that she doesn’t enjoy it. Parts of Robin feel like this is a glimpse of the old you, the one before your three years of hell. “A dress?”

“Mhm.” Humming you encourage her to continue with further guesses about the dress.

Bringing one endpiece of her glass’ frame close to her lips and biting it Robin takes her time to answer you. No matter where this outburst of confidence comes from, you won’t be so bold to go for something revealing, so it should be still something nice and convenient. “Maybe a long floral or one-color dress.”

“No.” You shake your head with a small sly smile.

“Knee high length?” Robin raises one of her brows.

Pulling one strand of hair behind your ear you shake your head again and give her the answer. “A little black dress.” A big smile spreads across your face and a laughter escape past your lips as you see the surprised reaction written on your therapist’s face. “And high heels. Red bottoms.”

For a moment and entirely purposely Robin drops her therapist persona and replies to you as a friend. “As you should and as you deserve. I’m proud of you.”

But this moment doesn’t last long as you are quick to brush it off as nothing. “It’s just a little black dress, me and probably twenty other women will be wearing the same outfit anyway.”

And here is the you she knows. Quick to belittle yourself as you are someone who doesn’t turn heads when she walks somewhere. You do, but sadly, you are too blind to see it yourself.

Going back to her professional persona, Robin moves a bit on her chair to make herself more comfortable, before she starts with the questions for which only you have the answers to help yourself. “Why did you belittle yourself again?”

The smile on your face fades quickly. “I don’t know.” You slightly shrug. “As I said, I won’t be the only one wearing this and this type of dress is always a safe play.”

“That’s true.” Robbin nods, agreeing with what you have said. “But you do know that you will get noticed tonight, right?” For some people the way Robin picks her words now might sound unprofessional, but she makes the choice of wording it that way purposely.

As much as you don’t want to have any kind of connection with any man right now, deep down you will be lying to yourself if you say that you won’t mind a glance or two from someone. At the end of the day, you are a young woman in her prime years trying to gain her confidence back and of course a man is not the key, but we are all human beings, one way or another we all look for some kind of validation or a sign that we are desired.

“In a way.” You quietly say, your voice comes out almost as a whisper. “But I doubt. I’m more looking for… for the feeling of looking myself in the mirror and say ‘wow, I still got it’.” Lifting your fist in the air and faking a fake enthusiasm makes Robin shake her head slightly.

“You’ve always got it.” She tells you confidently. “You must see it as well. Feel it.” Writing a few things down in her notebook, without looking at you she continues to speak. “But I asked you this not because I think you are looking for male attention, I’m asking because I know you will get some, and I want to know how you feel about this. Do you think what happened last time can happen again?”   

Taking a strand of your hair between your fingers, you swirl it around as you take your time to answer Robin. What will you do if someone approaches you? Definitely cut them off. You are not interested in any kind of interaction with a man, and you don’t think that you will be any time soon.

The last time a guy tried to hit on you was two months ago when you and your best friend Boa, went out for a drink in a bar close to your place. It was the first time in months that you got dressed up and ready to party, but sadly it didn’t last long. The guy was polite and nice, but the memories of your ex came back in the moment you felt the smell of the guy’s perfume as it was the same as your ex’s. It made you so uncomfortable. You had to grab Boa by the hand and drag her out of the place as fast as possible as you felt like you were choking for air. The night ended with you curled up in your best friend’s arms while crying on the sofa in the middle of your living room, reliving memories you have been trying to erase so badly.

“I don’t know what I will do.” You sigh avoiding your therapist’s eyes. There is a stubborn slip end on one of your hairs and you decide to focus on it while opening yourself up. “I don’t think that I’m ready to do anything, yet. Mostly because it’s hard to trust their intensions. My ex was also nice in the beginning, but it was all a mask.”

“But you must learn how to trust again, don’t you think?” There is no scolding or judgment in her voice nor eyes. Robin doesn’t want to make you feel bad; she wants to help you get out of your shell.

Nodding a few times you clicked with your tongue, shrugging still focused on your hair. “I know. I just don’t know how ready I am to do so.”

“Baby steps.” Robin says encouraging.

The rest of your session goes with talks about how you should try to relax in places such as bars and clubs. How you should slowly start getting out of your comfort zone, or like Robin likes to call it – your fear zone and start letting yourself going out a bit more.

“Imagine going out for a drink as another commercial deal you seal.” She gives you an example. “How do you manage so good at work if you feel so stressed out about something as simple as going out with friends in a place where a lot of people happen to be?”

A loud sigh escapes past your lips. “It’s different.”

“How so? Elaborate.” Playing with the pen between her fingers, Robin leans on the palm on her hand and waits for your response.

“First – when it comes to work, I’m quite confident in what I do.” This is something no one can deny you.

While you were in university studying business and marketing, your mother arranged you a job as an intern in a television commercial company. There you met a lot of interesting people and got close to your boss, who happened to be an old college friend of your mother, who soon after you graduated, offered you a permanent job as marketing advisor for the company. You have been working there for five years now and just two years ago your interest changed and you decided to become an agent at the same company, representing mostly models from across the country.

“But also, work me and personal life me are two completely different people.” Most of your colleagues barely know who you are outside your job. You have always been very private in your life, only your closest friends know what is going on in it, and you are very selective with whom you let close to yourself.

Of course, in the past year, your work and personal self-mixed up due to the depression you had fallen into, but you are back on track now and you plan to keep it that way.

“Why do you think work you manages better?” Her intense blue eyes pierce through you.

“Because as you know I work mostly with models, and these people are always so confident or they fake it so well, therefore I must fake my confidence, too.” Letting go of the hair strand you wrap your hands around yourself, trying to protect yourself from being exposed, slowly getting back into your shell, your voice lowers almost to a whisper. “Fake it till I make it, I guess.”

Putting her notebook aside, Robin sits on the edge of her chair and reaches out, placing her hand gently on your shoulder. “There is the answer.” She says with a smile. “If you can fake it for the people you represent to sign them jobs, then you can fake it as something as simple as going out for a drink.”

“But you know the problem isn’t the going out for the drink.” You jokingly chuckle, trying to hide the uncomfortable feeling behind the lightness of your tone.

“I know.” Pulling away from you, the dark-haired woman nod. “That is why tonight I want you to do exactly what you said.” She gives you a challenging smile as you turn your head in confusion towards her. “I want you to fake this confidence the moment a man approaches you and just try to not think much of it, and remember – you always, and I mean it, always have the choice over what you want and need.”

With a deep sigh you nod. “I’ll try my best.”

“You said it yourself – fake it till you make it. Sometimes we must do things that make us uncomfortable for the sake of overcoming them. You’re strong. I believe in you.” She gives you a little wink before you continue with another topic.

-

The laughter around the table and the cheers of another round of champagne echoes as you celebrate your best friend’s birthday. You have gathered in one of the latest most popular and fancy restaurants in the city, and Boa, being Boa, has booked one of the private dining rooms in the restaurant for only you and the rest of your group of friends.

The room is dimmed lighted, creating this nice and welcoming atmosphere. The walls are painted in a serene shade of off-white colour. The centrepiece of the room is a long oval dining table made of white marble. A lush arrangement mix of white peonies and lilies are arranged along the centre of the table, their delicate petals contrasting beautifully against the neutral backdrop, among with the white candles and their soft, ambient lighting casts a warm glow over the table, the gentle shadows of them dancing on your faces.

The overall effect is one of understated luxury, something Boa has grown up with and always chase, where every detail has been carefully considered to create an atmosphere of refined elegance and comfort for her special day.

You two have been best friends since first grade. She has been your rock many times in life, and you were hers. Boa is the sister you have never gotten to have, and you are the same to her, even though she has two younger sisters, you have a higher spot in her heart than them.  

Before you know it, you two and the rest of the girls are saying goodbye. All of you are tipsy, and tomorrow all of you must work as it is Wednesday and Boa is leaving in the afternoon for a photoshoot abroad for a famous brand, which means she will be gone for at least a week, and she doesn’t want to miss celebrating her birthday with her friends. Till this day you can’t believe that she trusts you so much to a point that when you decided to become an agent, she immediately left her old one and switched to you and the company you work for.

“Girl, you and I are not going home yet.” She wraps one arm around your shoulders and leans on you, clearly drunk.

Giggling, as you have also drunk a bit too much of champagne, you try to reason her. “But we have work tomorrow, and you have a flight to catch. Don’t you wanna be fresh in the morning?”

“I wanna party with my best friend.” She leans more of her bodyweight on you, which makes you trip almost by sending you both on the ground, as maintaining your balance on high heels while being quite tipsy is something you are not very good at.

You both laugh loudly as you pull away from one another. “Okay, okay. Where should we go?” You raise your hand up to call a taxi to pick you up and drive you to some bar you two usually end up going to.

It doesn’t take long for one to stop. Both of you take a seat at the back and as you are about to tell the taxi driver where to drive you, your friend has something else in mind interrupting you before you can tell the driver where to take you. “Mister, please take us to some cheap old rock bar.” She drunkenly laughs.  

“What?” You turn your head to her in disbelief.

Boa laughs ones again, before nodding to the driver to drive to where she has told him to. “Relax.” She pushes your shoulder playfully. “We are trying something new tonight.” With an unbothered shrug she leans back on the seat and closes her eyes for a minute.

“I don’t mind, but… is it safe?” As much as you are drunk, you are still quite aware of all the possible dangers there might be, especially in a place such as cheap bars.

“It will be, trust me.” Boa replies and takes your hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I need to let go a bit tonight, so I thought maybe a game or three of pool might help with some cheap tequila.”

You are about to protest when you remember what you had promised your therapist earlier today. That you will try to fake it till you make it, and this is an opportunity to do so.

“Fine, but nothing too crazy.” Pointing your finger at her warning, she just laughs at you.

The taxi driver soon stops the cab in front of some local bar that looks more like a pub, but neither you nor Boa protest. You pay the man and both of you get out of the taxi. “I just hope that they have a pool table, that is all I want.” Boa tells you as she takes your hand and leads the way inside.

Entering the place a lot of eyes are on you two. You with your little black dress with sheer black high stockings and Boa with her long red dress with a slit are definitely not dressed for a local pub.

“I don’t like this.” You whisper to her as she makes your way to the bar. “A lot of people are looking at us.”

Looking over her shoulder, she winks at you. “They always are.” Reaching the bar, she lets go of your hand and turns towards you. “Plus, the place is not bad.”

Boa is right. The place is not bad. It is not the usual place you and she are used to hanging out in, but it is not a bad place.

The bar is quite big and there are a lot of people around it or sitting around the tables across the main floor. The dim lighting casts a warm glow over the space, and the walls are covered with posters of legendary rock bands. The air buzzes with youthful energy as groups of friends laugh and chat, their voices blending with the rock music playing in the background.

Towards the back of the pub is the area with a few well-worn pool tables. The clinking of billiard balls and the occasional cheer from a winning shot add to the lively atmosphere.

Despite the initial wariness, you find the environment surprisingly inviting. It’s a place where everyone just seems to be enjoying the night, letting loose and having a good time.

“Here.” Boa says as she hands you a beer in hand. She knows that you are not a fan of beer, neither is she, but by the looks of it tonight you both are doing something out of your usual comfort zones. “I also got us a shot of tequila.” Following her gaze, you see the bartender pouring two shot glasses with the transparent liquid.

“You’ll be the death of me tonight.” You sigh, shaking your head as you grab the shot glass and cheers with her before drinking the shot in one go. The after taste burns your insides and you bite on the lemon as fast as you can so you can get rid of it. “God, I hate tequila.” Your whole-body shiver as the sourness of the lemon hits your tastebuds.

“Your nineteen years old self used to say otherwise.” Your friend makes fun of you, reminding you of the times when you were wild teenagers.

Sarcastically rolling your eyes with a shake of your head you tell your friend, “Uh, I wish I was her again.”

Boa gives you one encouraging smile before raising her own beer glass “I think we are slowly getting her back.” Hearing her saying this gives you a little boost of confidence. Clinking the beer glasses you both take a sip of it and make a face after swallowing the alcohol beverage.

Shaking your head with disgust you put away the beer and tell your best friend to go wait for a pool table while you buy new drinks for you. Boa doesn’t need to be told twice before she turns around and makes her way to the back of the bar.

While you are busy ordering your new drinks, not paying attention to the people around you, a few tables away from you three men are sitting, sipping beers and playing cards.

The day shift at the fire station has gone smoothly, which means there were no emergency calls. The three men sitting around the worn-out wooden table at the bar are here not only to relax a bit after long hours at work, but also to celebrate the possible rank promotion of one the youngest member in their department.

“I still can’t believe Pops select you for a Captain, skipping two whole ranks at the time.” Thatch, a tall man in his early forties, with a light brown hair styled with a lot of gel to stay sleek back, chuckles amazed but proudly as he puts a card down, waiting for his colleague and friend to make his move.

Marco, a man in his forties, sitting right next to Thatch, lightly hums as he pushes his glasses on the bridge of his nose. “Our boy is slowly making sure to catch up to us.” Glancing with his light brown eyes at his young colleague and dear friend, he waits for his next move.

Taking his sweet time with his next move the raven-haired young man in front of them just smirks before taking a sip of his beer and placing it back on the table. Running the tip of his finger on top of the cards in his hand he finally picks one and confidently places it on the table.

“Am I catching up to you or are you slowing down?” His cocky smirk grows bigger as the card wins him the game.

“Your luck is through the roof today.” Thatch groans as Ace reaches to take the pile of cards.

“Lucky me, what can I say.” Ace says handing the cards to Marco to shuffle them so they can start a new game. “Still, just because I was selected doesn’t mean I’ll be approved.”  

“You will be Ace.” Marco encouraging nods as he shuffles the cards. “If Pops recommended you himself, that means he sees a lot of potential in you and your skills.”

“Plus, the salary you’ll get once promoted will get you that dream car of yours faster.” Thatch winks at him, knowing how to motivates the younger guy, who is like a little brother to both him and Marco.

Letting out a boyish laugher, Ace nods a few times. He has been saving to buy his childhood dream car for four years now and he is so close to reaching his goal. For a lot of people, the amount of money and time he has spent on saving for something such as a car is ridicules, but to Ace – it is the most logical thing he could do in his mid-twenties.

Independent and in his prime, Ace is living life the way he has always wanted to live it – freely and without regret for anything. Every choice he has made so far has let him to better days. He regrets nothing. He doesn’t regret dropping off college to become a firefighter. Helping people has always bring him joy, but so does the adrenalin of doing dangerous activities, and what is more challenging than throwing yourself in the flames of a burning building while trying to save someone’s life.

“Until they approve Pops’ recommendation, I can’t get my hopes up.” Taking the cards in one hand and looking at the hand he has gotten, Ace mentally smirks to himself – another win is on the way to him.

“Don’t think much about it.” Marco calmy tells him, putting the first card on the table. “After all, getting approved is the easy part, the exams and the physical test on the other hand ar-” Before he could manage to finish his sentence, he gets interrupted by his phone ringing. Pulling it up from the front pocket of his pants, he excuses himself from the table once he sees that it is his wife calling.

“I’m so happy I don’t have these problems anymore.” Thatch points with his eyes to where Marco left. He and his ex-wife divorced a year and a half ago, and since then the relationship between them has improved. The tone has gotten friendlier, no more fight, but more agreements as they must share custody over their teenage daughter.

“And I’m so happy I’ll never have them.” Ace snorts as he draws a card from the pile.

Thatch can’t help but laugh at his young friend’s comment. “Oh, Ace. I can’t wait for the day you’ll get swept away by a girl and I pray I’ll be there to witness it.”

“You can only dream about this day.” The young rebel guy response. He has made up his mind a long time ago about relationships and the whole family idea – he doesn’t want it. He has seen what married life or being in a relationship has done to most of his colleagues and friends, of course not all of them are bad – Marco being the best example of them all. He and his wife were high school sweethearts and have been together for more than twenty years with three kids, the youngest being five years old.

But this doesn’t come only from his friends’ experience, it also comes from the way he has grown up. Ace never understood the relationship between his mother and father. His father was gone most of the time, working as captain on cargo ships, and while it provided good for their family, Ace can say that most of his life he grew up without a father as he was never home.

“Didn’t it almost happen?” Thatch knowingly raises one brow at Ace.

Rolling his eyes with a sarcastic chuckle, Ace shakes his head. “No, not even close.”

“Really? I’m quite sure it you two were almost there.” Placing a card down on top of Marco’s one, Thatch leans back on the benched seats.

“What?” Ace looks at him with a surprised look on his face. “No, Isuka and I were not even close to anything as being in love or whatever.”

“Yet, you spent two years being on and off.” Putting his cards faced down on the table as Marco hadn’t returned yet, Thatch crossed his arms across his chest.

Doing the same thing with his own cards, Ace places them face down on the wooden table and leans back on his chair, propping his hand on the top of the chair next to him, he looks at his friend with a look that says that he is very wrong. “We spent two years on and off because when she stopped chasing me, I was interested in chasing her and vise versa.”

He and Isuka haven’t been in contact in more than six months, and this has been a big relief for Ace. The situation between him and his ex-girlfriend, if he could even call her this, was nothing else but a hot mess. Both were not ready at all to make any compromises, both thinking in many cases and situations being better than the other, both playing games, but most of all neither of them ready to settle, or at least Ace wasn’t ready.

The last time they saw each other was also the last time they fought over where they stood. For Ace it was clear – just people who have sex with each other from time to time and hang out if they really don’t have anything else to do. But to Isuka it wasn’t like this. She wanted something more than just being fuckbuddies with a man she has fallen for. She was tired of the games and so was Ace, but in the end while she felt like he was the right person for her, he did not feel the same way about her.

There was something that was missing. Ace couldn’t never find full comfort in her company or look at her and be like ‘Wow, I’m so lucky to have this woman by my side.’, even though Isuka was the full package – beautiful, smart, well established in her carrier, but Ace just couldn’t see himself with her. He couldn’t see himself with her or anyone else. Not because he didn’t want to. He tried. He tried many times, especially with Isuka, but at the end of the day something wasn’t enough for this magical moment of a click between two people to happen.

That is why, six months later now, he never tried to contact her again or response to one of her messages she sent a while ago.

He doesn’t mean to be rude to her or an asshole, but it just doesn’t feel right to let her on once again or tired to be friends as this has been clear from the start that it would be impossible between them especially after sleeping together for the past two years.

Ace has always believed that the friendship between a man and a woman who have had intimate relationship is impossible, and his situation with Isuka has been already complicated it doesn’t need to get any more than that.

“I’m actually glad we ended it.” He murmurs more to himself than Thatch.

Walking back into the now a bit too crowded bar, Marco grabs his jacket in a hurry before turning to the guys. “I’m sorry guys, my youngest is with a very high fever and we must get home.”

“Oh, poor champ.” Ace says, giving Marco a sympathizing look. He knows Marco’s family very well. On a few occasions he and his wife have even dropped the kids off to Ace to look after them while they go out for a date night or they must do some kind of a work which doesn’t allow them to have the kids around. “Tell him I’m buying him some ice cream when he gets better.”

“He’ll make sure to keep this promise, you know.” Pointing with his finger at Ace warningly, Marco lets a little laughter escape his lips. “It was nice to hang out with you guys. See you tomorrow.”

“Take care, say hello from me.” Thatch calls after Marco before he leaves. Turning back to Ace, Thatch gives him a mischievous look, one that tells Ace that nothing but trouble will be following them for the rest of the night. “As much as I love Marco, with a married man around is hard for two single men to have fun, am I right Ace?”

“You were married until a year and a half ago yourself - don’t forget that.” This reminder from Ace made Thatch roll his eyes.

“But I’m not anymore.” Leaning with his body closer to the table, Thatch put his elbows on the table and nods at Ace to lean closer. “I saw two gorgeous women walking in like ten minutes ago. I think they are by the pool tables. Wanna go say hello?”

Turning his head where the pool tables are Ace tries to see the girls Thatch is talking about but there are too many people standing on the way for him to take a look. Shaking his head he turns back to his friend. “Nah, man. Not tonight.” Grabbing the handle of the beer mug Ace lifts it to his lip to drink the last sip of it. “You want one more?”

Thatch rolls his eyes with a click of his tongue. “Sure, but you’re not fun.”

Laughing at him, Ace stands and makes his way to the bar. It doesn’t take long to get new beers but coming back to their table he finds it empty. Taking a deep breath in, he turns to where the pool tables are and see his friend standing there talking to a girl a bit taller than him, in a red dress, dressed up a bit too much for a local bar like this one.

Shaking his head in disapproval, Ace makes his way to his friend. “Thatch!” He calls out the man’s name who sometimes tends to go far and beyond for the lady’s attention.

“There he is.” Thatch excitedly announces, reaching with his hand to Ace, signalling him to come faster. “This is my friend Ace – Ace this is Boa.”

Leaving Ace, no choice but to shakes the girl’s hand, he places the beers on the side of the pool table, before taking her hand in his to introduce himself. “I’m sorry if he’s bothering you.” He is quick to apologise.

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Boa is far from Thatch’s level. Tall, gorgeous, built like a model, who knows she might even be one, would never pay attention to a man like Thatch, who even for his forty something years still looks very good.

“Are you kidding me? Your friend here is so much fun.” Boa gives Ace a small smirk before she turns back to Thatch. “So, you’re saying you can beat me on pool?”

“Well darling, I’m not just saying it, I plan to prove it.” Thatch returns the smirk, grabbing the cue stick from the table. “Would your friend mind?”

“No, she won’t.” Boa replies as she accepts Thatch’s challenge and leans over the table to collect the pool balls. “You can play one game with her after I made your friend cry.” She tells Ace while placing the balls in the triangle.

“Oh, Boa now you get me fired up.” Thatch chuckles. “Where is your friend by the way?”

“Toilet. She’ll be here any second now.”

Hearing this Ace rolls his eyes a bit. The last thing he wants right now is to watch his friend playing billiards, while he must entertain Boa’s friend.

Despite what people might think of Ace, usually being either a player or a guy who gets lot of attention from girls, he is the quite opposite. He is very selective. Yes, he might flirt here and there, but that’s it. Neither he is a fan of one-night stands. Not like he hasn’t had his fair share with them, but it isn’t something he really is looking forward to, especially tonight.

Taking his beer from the pool table, Ace steps back and leans with his elbow on one of the side high tables. Pulling his phone from the back pocket of his jeans he starts scrolling, not paying much attention to his friend and the girl in front of him.

Coming back from the toilet and seeing your best friend playing billiards with some man made you sigh. ‘Great, now I’ll be third wheeling.’ you can’t help but think. It is not a surprise for you though. Boa has always had all eyes on her. Usually when you two go out, or with the rest of your friend group, men tend to go and try to hit on her first. They are never successful most of the time, so seeing this man who is obviously older than you two, playing with her is a bit of a surprise, but tonight is all about trying something new, right?

Walking next to her, you tap her on the shoulder, as she is waiting for the man to shoot his shot. Turning around to face you, a big smile places on her face. “Oh, there she is.” She excitedly exclaims, catching the man’s attention. “Thatch this is (Y/N), (Y/N) this is Thatch.”

The man walks to you and gently shakes your hand. “Sorry for taking your place here.”

You wave you hand to brush him off. “It’s fine don’t worry. I’m not even good at billiards.” Cucking softly, you reply.

Coming next to you Boa places the palms of her hands on your shoulders as she leans closer to you with a smile. “Thatch here is not alone. He’s here with a friend.”

It takes all your willpower not to roll your eyes. Last thing you want to do tonight is wasting your time engaging in conversations with some forty years old man’s friend. Faking a laughter and a smile you reply, “Oh, how nice.”

“Hey, Ace come meet (Y/N).” Thatch calls out his friend’s name. Turning your head to the direction where both Boa and the man are looking, at the same time a guy your age looks up from his phone and your gazes meet.

Strangle enough your heart skips a beat the moment your eyes lock. Getting up from the chair and putting his phone in his back pocket the guy takes a few steps and stands in front of you. He is tall, well built – muscular but not too much to a point where to question if he takes something to be built like this or not, raven black hair with dark brown eyes and freckles all over his cheeks, dressed in a simple white T-shirt and a pair of blue jeans, he is pretty good looking. A bit too good looking. You don’t remember the last time you have found a guy this attractive from just one look at him.

Ace on the other hand is starstruck on his own. To be honest, he has imagined everything else, but a cute pretty face like yours. He thought that if Boa is this pretty there is no way that her friend could possibly be prettier, but he was wrong. Very wrong. Your eyes, your lips, your nose, the colour of your skin and the way the little black dress is hugging every inch of your curves makes his heart beat a bit faster than it should.

Clearing his throat, he reaches with his hand for yours. “Ace.” Is all he says. In response he gets your name. Your hands staying a bit too long in a handshake. When the realisation hits you both you are quick to pull away.

This doesn’t go unnoticed by neither Thatch nor Boa, but he is the first to speak. “You know, my boy Ace here is actually very good at playing pool, maybe he can teach you how to do it better.”

“Are you Ace?” Boa turns to him with a smile as she hands him her cue stick. “Go ahead, please. She really needs someone to teach her a thing or two about billiards.”

Shyness and awkwardness take over you in seconds. “N-no, it’s fine.” Turning to Ace you shake your head and pull your hands up a bit like a little kid who just got caught shoplifting a candy. “You don’t need to do this, I-I’m a lost cause.” An awkward chuckle leaves your lips. “Plus, they are not done with their game, right guys?” Turning to your friend and Thatch, you are met with disagreement from them.

“No, we’re pretty done, right Thatch?” Boa smirks.

“Yes, I think we are. Wanna go out for some fresh air?” He totally ignores the looks Ace is giving him. In Thatch’s mind his dear friend needs to get laid, and by the looks of it there has been an immediate spark between you two, so it will be a shame if you don’t get some alone time to get to know each other.

Without wasting any second Boa agrees to Thatch’s offer and before you and Ace can protest, they are out of your sigh.

An awkward silence takes over you both, despite the loud music and the people around you. Seeing how tense you are, Ace feels bad, so he decides to make the first move. Taking a step to you, he leans a bit closer so you can hear him better. “I’m sorry about him. I told him to not bother you or your friend.”

This closure gives you goosebumps, so you take one step away before you turn to face him. “No, please, no one is bothering anyone. He seems nice.”

“He is, but if you want us gone, let me know.” Winking at you, he walks to the pool table with the cue stick in hand. “Wanna play one round while they are out?”

Biting on your lower lip, you nod. “Sure, why not? But keep in mind I’m very bad at it.” Grabbing the other cue stick while he is rearranging the balls in the triangle, you shyly walk closer to him.

“Nice.” Ace says more to himself than to you as he removes the triangle and turns to you with a charming smile. “Wanna go first and break them?” Taking his cue stick again he goes to the other side of the table to look for the chalk. Finding it, he walks back and gives it to you.

Taking it from his hand you thank him before applying it to the tip off your cue stick. Leaning your body and positioning your fingers to stable the stick in your hand better on the pool table, you take a deep breath before hitting the white ball in the middle. It rolls and hits the rest of the balls, but they barely move.

Scrunching your face from embarrassment you turn to Ace. “Told you, I’m bad at it.”

“Nah, it was good. All you need is a little bit more force.” Instead of going for his turn he takes all the balls again and puts them for a start break. “Go on, just a little bit more force.”

Doing the exact same thing, but with a little bit more force now, this time when you break more than a few balls move. Sadly, none of them roll to one of the pockets in the table so now it is Ace’s turn.

From his first hit he manages to get one of the balls in one of the side pockets. After it he gets two more balls in before missing and it is again your turn.

This goes back and forth a few times, none of you speaking much, until the game is finished and of course, he wins.

Ace wants to engage in a conversation with you, he really does, but he can clearly see how tens you are, almost like you are uncomfortable around him as you keep your distance like you want to run away, which makes him a bit sad, but who knows maybe you have a boyfriend or you just don’t feel attracted to him at all. Your distance has grown even bigger after he has asked you to help you fix your posture while you were about to make your move, to which you give permission to him to touch you.

You on the other hand are still on fire after that touch from him. The way he has gently placed his hands on the back of your shoulders to straighten them and then the way he wrapped his fingers around your hand, moving your arms with his to make the hit. The feeling of his touch on your bare skin made you feel something you haven’t experience in a long time, and you can’t be sure if it is because of the alcohol or the effect this charming stranger has on you, but for some reason you could feel how your body temperature has risen up.

That is why, you create a bit of a space between you two, which for some weird reason does feel wrong. You want to speak with him, but there is this pressure in you, this feeling of anxiety that is slowly creeping up that you will mess things up, so maybe is better to now say anything at all. But saying nothing also feels wrong.

Building all the courage you can built in a span of a second you turn to him with a small smile, your fingers immediately find their way to the edge of one of your hair strands and start playing with it.

Clearing your throat to catch his attention better you finally speak up. “So, Ace – what brings you here tonight?” Leaning the back of your lower body on the pool table, your head is turned to him as you observe him.

This question takes him by surprise. So far all you have talked about was billiard or how bad you are playing it, nothing too personal. Leaving the cue stick on the pool table, he walks closer to you, half charming smile on his face as he leans with one hand on the table next to you. “Let’s say little promotion from work. What about you?”

“It’s Boa’s birthday.” You reply shortly, you breath caught up in your lungs from how close he is standing next to you. Giving him a quick glance before you look away, you shoot another question.  “W-what do you do for work?”

“I’m a firefighter.” His response catches your attention quickly.

“Wow, really? That’s amazing and so brave.” Letting go of your hair now your eyes are on his. “What made you become one?”

“It was a mixture of a few things.” He replies, a bit more focused on your face, for whatever reason trying to memories every spot or line there is on. “I’ve always love helping people, but I also love adrenaline rush, so this sounded like the best opportunity a few years ago.”

This sounds a bit familiar to you or the you, you used to be like. You still help people as much as you can if you are being asked to, but the adrenaline part? It has been years since you have done something spontaneous or crazy. “So, you’re a bit of adrenaline junkie?” You chuckle with a little playful smile which you don’t realize has appeared on your face, but Ace catches it immediately.

“Maybe a bit too much sometimes.” He smirks, crossing his hands over his muscular chest, he nods at you. “What about you?”

“What about me?” You awkwardly laugh, not sure if he asks about your job or if you are adrenaline chaser like him.

Ace can’t help but laugh a bit. He has notice that the moment the attention is turned towards you, you froze, which is in a way adorable, but it also made him wonder if he is the reason why you are so tens, or this is how you are usually. “Are you an adrenaline junkie, silly?”

You can feel the heat rushing to your face when he calls you ‘silly’. It is something in the way he says it, so unintentionally playful, yet made you feel like you are sixteen again. “No, I’m not.” You say with a shake of your head. “Used to be, but not anymore.”

The slight change of your tone doesn’t go unnoticed by Ace, for which he decides to test his luck and see if he can play around this. “So, there is a wild girl hidden somewhere behind the shy one I’m speaking to right now?”

He is smooth, you give him that. Biting on your lower lip you shyly shrug. “Yea, maybe.”

Nodding his head, Ace can feel that he is slowly starting to make you relax. After all you haven’t broken eye contact with him for a while now, so this is a good sign. “What can I do to get a glimpse of this wild side of yours?”

“What can you do, huh?” Laughing at his question you place two fingers under your chin, acting like you are trying to think of something before you answer him. “Hmm, maybe if you have a time machine and you meet me back in college then you will definitely have a glimpse of wild me.”

Clicking with his tongue he raises one brow at you. “Okay, which collage you went to, so I know where to go to?” Telling him the name of the college you went to makes his brows raise in surprise. “No way. Me too. Which year?” You tell him the year you started and graduated making him snort. “What a coincidence. Me too, but I dropped off after a year or so.”

You are as surprise as he is. Sure, your college was pretty big, but there is no way you two have never crossed paths before. You are sure you would have noticed him, after all he is quite the charm. “What program were you in?”

“Something about social studies. To be honest I don’t remember anymore.” Shrugging he brushes off the subject, as to him it doesn’t really matter. “This means you must be twenty-seven? Twenty-eight?”

“Twenty-seven.” You nod with a smile. “You?”

“Twenty-seven.” He returns the smile.

Ace is about to ask you something more when he gets interrupted by your friend Boa and Thatch, who comes after her with four shots in hand. “Hey, there you two.” Boa says as she wraps her arms around you. “How did your game go?”

“He beat me.” You quickly reply, looking at Ace from under your lashes as he gives you a little wink.

“She almost got me though.” Even though he is speaking to Boa, his eyes don’t leave yours.

“Guess we can take over next?” Thatch comes in between you three giving every single one of you a glass of shot in hand.

Bringing the glass to your nose to smell what’s in it, your face scrunches from the smell. “What is this?” You look at your friend with disgust.

“I don’t know.” She shrugs. “We just told the bartender to make something strong and... well, strong.”

Taking a step closer to you, Ace leans and whispers in your ear. “You don’t need to drink it if you don’t want to.”

Before you can answer, Boa interrupts having guessed what Ace might have told you, she points her finger at him warningly. “Oh, she must. This one needs this drink more than any of us here.” Moving her finger in your direction she commands you to drink.

“Thank you for trying.” You tell Ace as you raise you glass to your lips and drink whatever is in the glass. Boa and Thatch follow, leaving Ace no choice but to do the same.

Whatever was in this shot, it is now burning your insides. “God, I need water.” You say more to yourself than anyone else.

“Come with me.” Ace tells you, taking your hand in his as he leads the way to the bar where they have water.

To your surprise, you don’t feel as tens as you used to a like ten-twenty minutes ago. He somehow managed to build a bit of a trust in you, so having your hand in his, letting him lead you somewhere, doesn’t feel alarming at all. It feels okay. It feels like you can trust him.

Reaching the end of the bar where the water station is place, Ace pours a glass of water and hands it to you, but to do this he has let go of your hand, which you wish he could hold for a little longer. Thanking him you take the glass from his hand and quickly drown the glass.  

“Are you okay?” His voice sounds calm, but also concern for you, and you can see the same thing in his eyes.

“Yes, I’m. Thank you for asking.” Putting the empty glass to the side you give him a small smile.

“You know if you don’t want to do something you can always say no.” He doesn’t like the way your friend forced you to drink the shot, leaving you no choice when you obviously didn’t want to drink.

“I know. Don’t worry.” You are not sure what made you do this, it is probably the alcohol, but you reached for his hand and gently squeezed it. “She did it out of love, believe me.”

Ace is a bit too shocked by your action to acknowledge what you have just said to him. Part of him feels like he is a teenager again. All you have done is take his hand in your and give it a little squeeze, yet this simple gesture made his whole-body freeze.

Whatever was in this shot it starts to kick in. Your eyes are all focused on his hand. His skin is surprisingly soft, the palm of his hand is big, his fingers long and running your eyes up him arm, you can see the way his muscles are flexed, freckles here and there. “You know, if they are going to play now, I don’t really want to stand and watch, mostly because my feet are killing me in these heels.” Finally looking up to meet his eyes you give him a curious look. “What were you guys doing before joining us?”

Swallowing hard, trying to keep his cool, trying to ignore the way your fingers play with his, he gives you a short answer. “We played cards.”

Your eyes lit up when you hear this. “Really? I love playing cards! What game did you play?”

“Poker.”

“Wanna play?” You ask him with playful flame light up in your eyes.

Raising his eyebrows in surprise Ace smirks. “You know how to?”

“Maybe.” Returning the smirk, you trace your finger on the back of his hand. “Play with me and you’ll find out.”

You are drunk. There is no way that the shy girl a few minutes ago and this new playfully version of her now are the same person if there isn’t alcohol involved. Or maybe this girl is there all the time, hidden behind many layers of who knows what, but Ace is not going to back down now, when he is finally catching this glimpse of you.

“You want me to play with you, huh?” He can’t help but tease you. Biting on your lower lip you slowly nod. “Alright pretty girl. I’ll play with you.” Nodding slowly, he smirks. Looking down at where your fingers are tracing up and down his forearm, he gently grabs it and pulls you closer to him.

This action itself makes you instinctively put your other hand on his chest. His chest feels exactly how it looks – defined and muscular. Looking at him from under your lashes your breath gets caught up in your lungs, and he has caused this to you how many times tonight? Two? Three? More?

Leaning closer to whisper in your ear, as even with your heels on he is still a bit taller than you, the way his breath tickles your skin gives you goosebumps. “What do we bet on then?” Pulling away to look at your eyes, a cocky smirk grows bigger in his face. “I mean, what do I get after I win?”

Faking a dramatic gasp, you take a small step back, pulling your hands away from him and crossing them over your chest. “What makes you think you’ll win?”

Hearing the playfulness in your voice, Ace chuckles. “Just a feeling.” He shrugs. 

“What do you want then?” One of the tables next to where you two are standing gets available and you point with your head towards it, indicating to Ace to follow you there. Taking a seat facing each other you still await his answer. “Come on, tell me. What do you win… if you win.” You say, matching his coy smile.

“If I win, and I will.” He says. “I want you to show me more of this wild girl, you mentioned earlier.”

Sober you would have back off from such bet. Hell, sober you probably wouldn’t have the courage to go this far into a conversation with some man you have just met, despite how charming the stranger is. But sober you is long gone, and after all tonight is all about trying something different, so why not?

“And what if I win?” You raise one brow challenging.

“Whatever you want sweetheart.”

Trying to ignore the nickname and how charming and smooth he can be, you look away for a moment to think what you would possibly want from him, but nothing is coming up in your mind. “I’m not sure, but I can decide once I beat you. Deal?”

Reaching with your hand across the table for a handshake to seal the deal, he takes your hand in his and give it a strong, but still delicate squeeze. “Deal.”

“Go on, bring out the cards.” You say, making the pupils of his eyes widen as he realises that they are in fact not with him.

“Um, give me a second and I’ll be back.” Getting up quickly from the chair he stops for a second and turns back to you before he makes his way to where Boa and his friend play billiards. “Do you want something to drink?”

You are not sure if drinking is the best idea, but why not? Why not get loose for one night? Nodding you tell him what to get you and he tells you to wait for him.

It is hard to explain how you are feeling currently. You are all over the place. You are excited, you feel energetic, you feel flirty, playfully; yet you also feel a bit anxious and stiff, but despite all this you feel good. You are having a great time, and you feel good. Right now, you are not sure if you are subconsciously faking it until you make it, but you are content. Plus, the company you have found tonight is quite enjoyable.

You are not sure how many minutes have passed since Ace has gone away, but he is back, which makes you turn all your attention to him. Placing your drink in front of you, you thank him.

Pulling up the cards he starts to shuffle the cards. “Since we aren’t betting on money, should we play it three out of five?” Setting up the cards in front of you and then him he awaits on your answer.

“Sure.” You reply with a confident coy smile.

Three out of five, turns to five out of eight. Five out of eight turns to eight out of ten. Eight out of ten wins turns into you two loosing tracks of time to a point where both your friends come to you to check if you want to leave but you tell them to leave you, because you are not done yet.

At first Boa wasn’t very convinced in leaving you with Ace, but it was the spark in your eyes that she hasn’t seen in a long time that made her wish you a good night and to text her once you are home.

You are totally lost in the moment with Ace. He is fun, he is charming, he is silly, he is so easy to be around. And also, he feels safe to be around. For whatever strange reason you trust him.

“Accept it, Ace.” You giggle as you win yet another hand.

Running a hand through his messy black hair, he holds his head with the palms of his hands. “You have to be kidding me.” Looking up at you with a big smile on his face he finally gives in. “Fine. You win.” Taking his glass of beer, he raises it to give you cheers.

Drinking the last sips of your drinks you place your elbows on the table leaning closer to him. “So now what?” The tone in your vice is a mixture of playfulness and genuine curiosity. You don’t want to say goodbye to him, not yet, but due to how empty the bar is starting to look, you are guessing that soon they are closing.

“You’re the winner. We do as you wish.” Mimicking your actions, he leans closer to you as well. His eyes focused on your lips. Your lipstick long gone, but your lips still look as alluring as he first saw you. It takes him all his willpower to withhold himself from grabbing your chin and pull you closer to himself to capture the taste, the feeling of having your lips on his.

You see and feel the way he is looking at you. The way he is looking at your lips. The way there is a new kind of light in his eyes, causing the sparkling of the same energy to start burn into you.

“I don’t want to go home yet.” The words leave you before you can process or stop them.

“Wanna come over to my place?” Ace, despite how drunk he is himself at this point, is aware of the risk how this might push you away, but something in him is telling that it is now or never.

At this point you are not sure if it is the alcohol, his company or the burning feeling of your skin that makes you slowly nod, eyes more focused on his lips now than his eyes. Eager to taste the feeling of his lips on yours.

-

How you have gotten to his apartment is a bit of a fog in your mind. All you remember is that you have called a cab and now you are at his place. His lips finally on yours. They feel exactly like you imagined them to be – full, soft and very skilful. You don’t remember the last time being kiss with so much passion and desire. It has been years.

But right now, caged between his hard muscular body and the door of his bedroom all your drunken mind can focus on is his burning kisses and his hands roaming around your waist and hips.

Ace is drunken by the taste of you. He feels like he can spend hours just covering you in kisses. You taste like the sweetest fruit he has ever tasted, despite all the alcohol you both have consumed.

Hearing your quiet and desperate whispers and moan drives him crazy. Finally allowing himself, he lifts the edges of your dress up to your waist and grabs a handful of your ass, squeezing it, causing a loud moan to leave your lips. “Fuck, you’re so hot.” He whispers against your lips as he slowly starts making his way down from your jawline, slowly trailing kisses down to your neck and collarbones.

Tracing his hands up to your waist and back he finds the zipper of your dress. He slowly unzips your dress despite his eagerness to trace the rest of your body with his lips.

With the dress off your body, you are left in nothing but your black stockings and underwear. Taking his sweet time observing every curve of your body he gets on his knees and start tracing kisses around your tummy, while slowly running his hands up and down your hips.

You are barely standing on your legs. If it isn’t for the support of the door behind you and the way Ace has your body pinned you would have probably already melted on the floor. The wetness between your legs grows with every passing second and you are not sure how much more you can take from his teasing.

It is like he has read your mind as he traces his finger on the waistband of your stockings, slowly slitting his index fingers on each side of your waist and taking them down. With the stockings finally off, he takes one of your legs in his hands and places it on his shoulder while holding you with his other hand steady around the waist. Running his fingers agonisingly slowly to you calf up to the outside part of your thigh, he trails the tip of his nose along the skin of your inner thigh, making you arch your back from the feeling of his breath there.

“God, your skin is so soft.” He says placing kisses on your inner thigh after every word. “You smell so good, baby girl.” Giving you a harsh squeeze on the thigh he softly bites on it, making you hiss from the mixture of pain and pleasure.

With tremble in your voice, you finally manage to say something. “Please.”

Looking up at you and meeting your pleading eyes, Ace lets go of your thigh and gets up on his feet. “Please what, baby?” Hints of teasingly mocking in his tone. Placing his hands on your waist he buried his head in the crook of your neck, leaving small kisses all over it.

Nothing but soft whines and whispers leave your lips, making Ace smile against the skin of your neck. “Come on, say it. Show me how much of a wild girl you can be.” Lifting his head from the crook of your neck, your eyes meet.

Finally, you wrap your arms around him, pulling him in a passionate hot kiss. Running your fingers all over his broad muscular shoulders up to his messy locks. This man has unlocked something in you tonight that you have thought you have lost long time ago – your passion, your sexuality, your desire.

Breaking the kiss, you lock eyes with his. Your chest raising up and down, your heart beating fast as you try to catch your breath and make up your mind. “Please, fuck me.” You whisper. “Fuck me like I’ve never been fucked before.”

Ace doesn’t need to be told twice. He lifts you up in his arms, your legs wrapped around his torso, while he carries you to his bed. Laying you down on it he finally takes off his T-shirt, making you realise that he has been dress the entire time until now.

Now with his shirt off, despite the darkness in the room and the only source of light being from the streetlights coming from outside the window, you get to finally not just feel but see his define toned up muscle body. You push yourself a bit with one hand on the bed to lift your body up so you can reach up better and trace your fingers from the top of his chest all the way down to his tone up abdomen and happy trail.

His skin is soft, from what the light allows you to see, you notice that he has quite lot of freckles spread across the top of his chest and shoulders mostly.

Pushing you to lay down on the bed he hovers over you and lock your lips in another passionate messy kiss. Reaching down to his jeans, you finally find the belt buckle. Feeling you struggling with unbuckling it, Ace pulls away from the kiss and take it off together with his jeans, leaving only his boxers on, which seems to grow tighter with each second.

You can’t help but bite your lip from the sign of the outline of his cock, hidden behind the tight material of his boxers. With the tips of your fingers, you trace down a path starting from the top of his happy trail to the outline of the tip of his member, following down the covered length.

This action alone makes Ace flex his abs and buckles his hips towards your hand, a hiss of pleasure leaving his lips. Hearing the sound of pleasure leaving his lips, this gives you the confidence to continue by stroking his member over his underwear.

“Oh yeah, baby girl. Just like that.” Throwing his head back, Ace close his eyes from the pleasure, making you give him one stronger squeeze, causing him to moan. He is melting in your hand and you are not even touching him properly but over his still covered dick.

Seeing how much effect you have on him, you raise your body a bit to pull him closer to you with your free hand and he follows. Without giving him any time, you start covering his neck with kisses.

Despite all the distractions from you, Ace’s hands make their way behind your back and unclamp your bralet, tossing it to the side without a care. Pulling away from you he shamelessly stares at your naked breast. “Fuck.” He breathes out, tracing with the top of his fingertip on the soft squishy outline of your chest making his way to your already hard nipples, barely touching while circulating his finger around, giving you sweet agonising pleasure.

You pull your hand away from his cock, letting your hands trace over his back muscles. The feeling of him on top of you making you crazy, while he covers your chest with kisses and softly punches one of your hard nipples. A gaps leaves your lips as he finally takes your other breast in hand and gives it a squeeze before wrapping his lips around your nipple, sucking on it, making your back arch.

“God, fuck me already.” You whine under him, hands buried in his hair, pulling it a bit.

Letting go of your nipple, he gives it one last kiss before he looks at you. “Oh baby girl, I’m not a God, but your prayer will be heard.” He chuckles with a smirk, hands going down to your panties. Hooking in two fingers on the waistband of the lacy material he takes them off, leaving you in nothing. Ace places his hands on your ankles, slowly moving them up to your knees, where he spreads them apart, making you all exposed to him.

Your chest is going up and down, heart beating fast as he places himself between your spread legs and hovering over you, with one hand holding himself up to not crush you and the other tracing up your thigh slowly reaching your dripping cunt.

“You’re dripping wet, baby girl.” His voice has gotten a bit raspier as he whispers in your ear, his hand now covering your pussy. Sliding his middle finger in between your lips to spread you apart you both share a moan of pleasure – you of the feeling of him finally touching you where you wanted him the most, and he from all the wetness and warmth he feels from your pussy.

Running his finger up and down, teasing your clit and entrance, Ace finally enters your burning hole with it slowly, giving you time to adjust despite how wet you are, and then he slowly start to move it, trying to find that sweet spot in you, while his thumb is on your clit, rubbing and playing with it.

The moment he curls up his finger and finds that sweet spot in you, you are turned into a hot mess under him. “More, fuck.” A loud moan escapes you. “More, Ace. Please.”

Sliding a second finger into you, Ace smirks as he traces sloppy wet kisses along your neck up to your ear, biting the soft part of it. “You greedy little thing, aren’t you?” He teases you, increasing the peace of his fingers.

“Yes. Fuck yes, I am.” You breathe out, body arching as you feel the sweet burning sensation of release forming in the bottom of your belly. “Please, don’t stop now.”

Mocking laughter comes from Ace as he takes one look at your face, your eyes barely open, lips parted. “You’re close, aren’t you baby?” He coos, moving aside a strand of your hair that has fallen over your face. Whining and nodding at him, he just chuckles at you. “Then don’t hold back, baby girl. Because I don’t plan to fuck you properly until I make you cum at least once before that.”

He doesn’t need to tell you twice, nor it would have mattered as your first wave of pleasure and release hits, and you are falling into pieces under him. Your gummy walls squeezing hard around his fingers, coating him with your pussy juices. You’re a mess under him and Ace loves it. “Yes, baby girl - that’s it. Let it all out.” He says as he continues to finger you not cutting off your pleasure and he doesn’t stop until he sees you calming down a bit from your high.

Removing his hand from you, he unapologetically takes his fingers in his mouth and licks them clean. “Damn, baby. You taste so good.” He tells you as he pulls away from you to reach out to the nightstand next to the bed. Opening the first drawer Ace grabs the first condom he sees and takes it. Getting up from the bed he finally takes down his boxers, the feeling of release hitting his bare skin.

He is not sure if his dick has been this hard ever before, but it doesn’t matter, because he is finally going to fuck you, and he plans to do it good. Ripping open the condom package he takes it out and slides it on his length. Getting back on the bed and nestling himself between your legs, he props his hands on each side of your head.

“Are you ready for one more?” He smirks, moving one of his hands away to guide the tip of his dick to your entrance.

Spreading your legs a bit more you are aching to finally feel him inside of you. If he has made you seeing starts just with his fingers you hope, he can do the same with his dick.

You have felt how big he is when you tease him earlier, but now with him slowly entering you, inch by inch, stretching you open for him with the just the tip of his dick, it makes you roll your eyes in ungodly pleasure mixed with a bit of a pain.

“Fuck! You feel so good.” Ace moans throwing his head back from pleasure once he gets all of him inside you. Your gummy walls wrapped around him in a tight warm grip. Noticing that you need some time to adjust on having all of him inside of you he places some kisses across your collarbones. “Tell me when you ready, baby.”

Wrapping your arms around his neck you just nod, giving him the permission to move. He doesn’t need to be told twice. Slowly, but hard Ace starts to rock his hips, moving steady in and out of you.

“Don’t go all nice on me now, Ace.” You grab his hair and pull his head up to make him look at you. “Fuck me.”

Freezing on top of you, he grabs your hand away making you let go of his hair as he stands on his knees, his body towering over yours. “I tried to be nice remember this.” He tells you before he grabs your hips pulling you even closer to him as he puts them on his shoulders. Now with your waist arch he gets a better access to your ass and gives it a hard smack, before he starts slamming into you.

His thrusts are fast and hard – exactly how you like it. His dick hitting all the right spots in you while his hands are gripping your waist strongly, keeping you in place. Seeing how much you enjoyed the slap on your ass, he does it one more time, causing you to scream his name with pleasure and your pussy squeezing around him. But your pleasure is quickly cut as he pulls away from you and your needy cunt.

“Fuck no.” He curses grabbing his hair with both hands in frustration. The condom has broken. Reaching to his nightstand to search for another one he can’t find any. Taking the broken condom off him he throws it to the side. Looking back at you and the confused look you have on your pretty face, your naked body spread across his bed, your pussy covered in your juices squeezing around nothing missing his dick he makes a quick choice one he hopes he won’t regret later.

Grabbing your face in both of his hands he gives you a sweet sloppy kiss on the lips. Tracing his hand down on your body to your clit he starts to play with it. “The condom broke. Please, tell me you’re on a pill.”

You heard nothing from what he says. All you can focus on right now is how good is he making you feel, which leads to your response being a moan, which Ace overhears for a yes – yes, you are on a pill.

Instead of getting to continue with what he has been doing, Ace tells you to turn around on your belly and lift your ass as high as you can. Doing exactly what he has told you, you embrace yourself with what is coming. The feeling of his dick until now in you has been a bit painful, but in this position, you in all fours, he is going to abuse the life out of your pussy.

Seeing the red mark formed on your ass cheek from before Ace can’t help but slaps you once more, watching the way your ass juggles from the impact of his slap. Guiding his dick to your entrance he taps it a few times with the tip, causing you to buckle your hips at him, begging him without words to fill you up with himself.

Sliding his dick in, both of you share a moan from the new sensation, the feeling like you have never been this close to anyone before is driving you both mad. Grabbing a handful of your hair, Ace pulls it, making you arch even more. “Now be a nice bitch and take it as the good girl you are.” He hisses with pleasure as he starts to rock his hips in and out of you unapologetically hard and fast.

You are a mess of pleasure and moans. The last time you have had sex was more than a year ago, maybe even a year and a half, and it wasn’t even good. But this man, right here and right now is literally rocking your world and you are willing to take every inch he has as long as the pleasure never leaves you.

Pulling your hair to get you closer to him as he leans to you, he whisperers in your ear. “You like being fuck like this don’t you? Like a little slut ready to take every inch I give to her.” In response you moan, but he wants more. “No, no, no. Use your words baby girl.”

“Yes, yes Ace.” You say, your voice almost breaking. “I’ll take all of you, just don’t stop.” Letting go of your hair he pushes your head back to the pillows.

Your pussy is squeezing and dripping all around him, making a mess on the bed and you haven’t even cum yet, but he feels like you are close, very close and he himself is not far away from his own pique.

The feeling of your second orgasm for the night starts to build up. That same feeling he has made you feel earlier is coming back – the trembling in your legs, the heat in your lower belly, all of this is coming back but stronger.

One more smack on your red ass cheek follow by a hard thrust is all what is needed to send you to the edge. You cum all over his dick, your cunt squeezing around him hard, so hard that before he can stop himself and pull out, Ace is cumming inside of you. Coating your walls white with his hot cum.

It takes some time for both of you to calm down. After collecting his breath Ace finally pulls out of you, watching your little sweet pussy leaks some of his cum mixed with your own.

Leaning over your limp body he gives you a kiss on the shoulder. “Are you okay?” He softly asks.

You are not sure if you are here on planet Earth or somewhere far away in the galaxy. You have never been fucked like this. You hear Ace asking you something, but you are too wasted and tired to answer, all you can do is just look at him.

“Hey, please tell me.” He pleads with a soft tone. It’s obviously that you are exhausted, but he needs to know if you are okay, if he has been too harsh with you or not. “Was it too much? Are you hurt?”

Hearing the worry in his voice you try your best to answer him. “Don’t worry Ace, I’m fine. You’re fine. We’re fine. Let’s go to sleep now.” You tell him with a sleepy voice and very heavy eyelids, but with a satisfy smile across your face.

Seeing your sweet smile as you turn around on your back, gives him the peace and the satisfaction that you are in fact okay and obviously pleased. “Give me a sec. I need to clean us both.” He winks at you, but you don’t see it as your eyes are already closing and you are already asleep by the time he comes with a warm wet towel to clean the mess you to just made.

-

The sunlight coming from the open curtain of the window irritates you. Scrunching your nose and squeezing your eyes shut as you try your best to remain asleep and ignore the irritation. Giving up, you finally open one eye. You almost never forget to put the blinds down, how drunk have you been last night to forget it?

Lifting just your head, dizziness hits you up like a truck, making you grab your head and squeeze it. A groan leaves your lips. You haven’t felt like this in a very, very long time. Your mouth is dry, and you are extremely thirsty. Giving yourself some time to adjust to the light and the heavy feeling in your head, you blink a few times. Something is wrong.

Raising one eyebrow you wonder since when the ceiling in your bedroom has turn white? Are you still drunk? Running one hand over your face you look to your right side. Instead of seeing the door to your bathroom you are met with a big dark oak chest of drawers and a lot of basketball and rock bands posters on the wall.

The moment you realise you are not home, and in fact that you are in somebody else’s apartment, you freeze. “Fuck.” You quietly curse yourself. Slowly you move your eyes down to your body, wrapped up in dark blue light covers. You can feel that your body is bare, but you hope that you are wrong and when you look under the covers you will find yourself dressed in your little black dress. Sneaking a peak under the covers, you gasp. You are as bare as the day your mother gave birth to you.

Your internal panic is interrupted by a little shift of the covers next to you. The memories of last night hits you like a truck. The guy you met in the bar with Boa, and then staying with him to play poker, and then going with him to his place and you two having sex; all of this comes at once.

You withdraw a deep breath and stop breathing. What do you do now? Is he awake? You hope he isn’t.

Allowing yourself to breath again, you slowly turn your head to the left, eyes squeezed tight, afraid to open them. Counting to three in your mind, you slightly open one eye and thank whatever power is out there that he is still asleep and his head is turned to the other side, and you are met with nothing else but his messy dark locks.

You need to think fast and stop panicking. Whatever has happened happen. Now you need to get out of here before he wakes up.

Taking the covers off from you, you slowly slide you right leg to the floor, making sure that your movements are as quiet and quick as possible. Once you feel the wooden floor on the tip of your toes, you lift your body with one hand and get up from the bed, almost loosing your balance and tripping on the ground you managed to stay still.

Cursing yourself one more time as the headache hits, you grab your head but remind yourself that there is no time for this. You have stepped on something soft. Looking down you sigh in relief. It is your bra. One out of three, no five of your items found. Putting it on quickly and tiptoeing around the room, the next thing you come upon is your dress. With one quick swift move you put it on your body and finally you don’t feel so exposed. Walking to the other side to the bed your eyes land on your stockings and purse right next to the door. Four out of five found now what is left is your panties.

Where the hell could he possible thrown them? Walking to the door to pick your stockings and purse you turn around to make sure that he is still asleep and thankfully he still is.

You can’t help but stare at his sleeping form. He is cute. Laying on his belly, both hands wrapped tightly around the pillow, slow steady breaths leaving his slightly open mouth, some of his dark locks falling over his face.

Part of you wishes you haven’t slept with him, that way maybe you two could have been friends or something, but now you must remind strangers.

Looking down your eyes spot your panties. Right next to his side of the bed. Right next to the bed. But what is next to your panties makes your eyes widen. A condom. Obviously a used one. You are happy to know that you two have used protection so there is one last thing for you to worry about, but couldn’t he throw it away in a bin or something? Scrunching your face in disgust you look away.

You have two options – tiptoeing to there, maybe risking waking him up, but grab them, or just turning around open the door and run. The decision is taken fast. With one swift and quick move you are out of his bedroom, leaving your panties behind. A parting gift goodbye for the great time you had last night some might say.

Leaving his bedroom, you find yourself in the living room and from there it doesn’t take you long to find the entrance door. There you also found your heels. Putting them on, you quickly leave the place. Running down the stairs and then outside the street, as fast as you can considering the fact that you are wearing twelve centimetres heels.

After three or four streets away from his place, you finally stop to catch your breath. Your heart is beating fast. You still can’t believe what have you done. Laughter starts building up in you and soon you find yourself laughing loudly. You can’t believe what you have done – in the best way possible.

You feel alive. You feel you. The you, you have been once. The you, you have missed so much.

With trembling hands, you pull your phone from your purse. You barely have any battery left and a lot of missed calls and text, mostly from your best friend Boa. Looking around you see a taxi passing by, so you raise your hand to stop it. Getting in the backseat of the cab, you tell the driver your address.

With the remaining life of your phone’s battery, you call Boa. She should be leaving for the airport soon. She picks up almost immediately.

“Where the hell have you been? I’ve been texting and calling like crazy? Are you okay?” She doesn’t even bother to say ‘hello’ or ‘good morning’, she is straight to the point as usual.

Clearing your throat your response. “Sorry. I’m fine, just… lost track of time.”

“Lost track of time? Really?” She snorts mockingly. “Did you just get up? Your voice sounds so raspy. And why are you talking so quietly? Oh my, are you not alone?” If only you could see her face right now. It is all lighten up with curiosity.

Looking at the front mirror making sure that the driver is focused on the road and not on your phone call you quietly answer. “I’m on my way home, in a cab.” As much as you are a bit ashamed, you are also a bit euphoric. A small smile forming at the edges of your mouth.

The gaps from the other end of the phone is loud. “Did you sleep with him?”

Even thought she can’t see you; you nod while humming in response, a little giggle escaping your lips. “Yes. Yes, I did.”

“You slut.” Boa screams in the phone, giggling with you and sharing your euphonical feeling. “How was it? I want all the details. Was it good or bad? You know it doesn’t matter. What is important here is that after what – two years, you finally got laid.” You start laughing at the overly excitement of your friend over you sleeping with a guy. “Don’t laugh. Tell me. Now.” She demands.

“Well, I can’t right now.” You mumble, glancing at the driver. “But all I can tell you right now is-” Lowering your voice even more you whisper in the phone. “Two times, Boa. He made me finish two times.”

The memories of the charming stranger fucking you last night comes to your mind like a vivid picture, making your pussy squeeze itself, causing you pain, a sweet aching reminder of how good he has made you felt.

“Two times? Two real orgasms? Like real real?” Boa is in shock from what she has heard.

“Real real.” You repeat.

“Wow. I’m speechless. He didn’t give me the vibes of a guy who know how to fuck.” She chuckles.

A bit surprised by what you have heard, you ask in between giggles. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know.” She laughs. “I felt like he would be one of those guys who just stick it and move it you know, no beat, no rhythm, no nothing.”

“Yes, I get what you mean, but no.” You can feel the blood rushing to your face. “He was very rhythmic with both hands and, well… you know.”

“Lucky you. I’m so happy for you, you have no idea.” She tells you. “When are you two meeting again?”

“Yeah, about that.” You withdraw your breath with a hiss. “I ran away before he wakes up.”

“You did what?” Boa screams.

“Come on, Boa. You know how I’m currently. Last thing I need is a guy in my life.” You murmur a bit sad, the reality slowly coming to you as you remind yourself that you just had one good night, but one night like this doesn’t chance your current life.

“You don’t need to date him or anything like this.” You can’t see her, but you can feel over the phone the roll her eyes make. “You can use him for a booty call. Your personal sex toy.” She whistles.

“We didn’t exchange any contacts.”

“Oh my, you’re a lost case.” She sighs. “Anyway, at least you got laid pretty good. But want more details.”

“When you come back, I’ll tell you.” Running a hand over your face, you lean your head on the backseat.

“But this is in like a week or so.” She whines. “You know what? Fine. When I come back. I need to get to the airport anyway, but one last thing before we hang up.” She tells you know in more serious tone. “Go and buy a plan B.”

“We used protection.” Rolling your eyes and clicking with your tongue, a makeshift of a hum and laughter leaves your lips.

“Better safe than sorry.” You friend replies.

“Better safe than sorry.” The words of your best friend repeat in your mind like a broken record. You still can’t believe that all three-pregnancy test are positive.

How? How did this happen? You two have used a condom. You saw it with your own eyes. Did the condom break? It must have. But still, it is your fault for not taking extra precautions. You shouldn’t have forgotten to take the plan B when you should have taken it.

None of these matters now. You are pregnant. You are pregnant and it’s your fault – partially. It is the guy’s fault as much as it is yours. How could he have finish in you? Was he out of his mind when this happen?

Being pregnant right now is not the worst thing around this situation. The worst thing is that you have no idea how to contact or find him. All you know about him is … his name and if you remember correctly, he is a firefighter. But that is all. You don’t remember where he lives, you don’t know how usually he goes to the bar you two met at nor you remember where the hell this place is, you basically know nothing about this man except that you are knocked up by him.

“Good job (Y/N). Now what?” You ask yourself.

Now you need to find your baby daddy. No, now you need to decide if you are going to keep the baby, so maybe you don’t need to worry about finding the dad, right?

END NOTE: I have edited the beginning probably five or more times, (also side note - this was my second time writing smut, so any type of criticism over it is welcomed). I wanted to show how low Reader confidence is while still making it logical to say - fuck it, and go and sleep with a man she has just met. I hope I managed to deliver it good enough. Why she is the way she is will be revealed later on, so no spoilers, just be patient. Same goes with Ace. His past will be revealed on later on. This is just chapter one - the beginning of this journey, with I hope you are willing to follow ♡

Every like, comment, reblog and message is deeply appreciated by me so feel free to share ♡

Thank you for reading my storied ♡♡♡

Taglist - OPEN: @orange-milky @igoontoonepiece @m1kkso @boomboom-tanjiro2019 @aceismyloveforever @firelilyofthevalley @ye-old-hermit-woman @fulltravelerdreamland @ffinosie @sungiebby @mrstraffy @ren-ni @acidblack @certain-tragedies @pmgranate @praline357 @stuckinthewrongworld @hlkenoace

Comment down below if you want to be tagged when a new chapter is up ♡

writing, format, header & dividers © cinnamoonblue fanart by @usa_rinko_ on Twitter/X ©cinnamoonblue, do not copy or plagiarise my work.

[fairytaleendingss]

hiiii!! i lurved your writing in the roommates fic so much and wanted to request a little something if you're keennnn. . .

i was thinking of this poly!marauders thing, where a reader who has previously been in a bad relationship (the extent of the bad up to you) gets into a relationship with the marauders and keeps trying to "test" their limits only to be met with patience and love. maybe leading to jumpiness from the reader as they feel it's all going to go south but it just never does? mayyyybe hurt/comfort and reassurance?👀👀

thankyouururu ofc no pressure 💕💕💕💕 love your work again

Thanks so much for the request hun! Sorry I've been a bit slow in responding but hopefully you enjoy!

Testing The Waters

Summary: Your ex boyfriend used to get mad at you for the littlest of things and you begin to wonder whether your new relationship will be the same.

Pairing: Poly!Marauder x fem!reader

CW: Talk of toxic relationships, reader being extremely insecure in her relationship, allusions to sex (only mentioned), brief mention of Sirius' abusive childhood, a disgusting amount of cheesy pet-names.

—

It started in a Tuesday night. You'd come home from a long shift at work that afternoon and had been so exhausted from the day that you decided to take a nap. You knew your boyfriends would all be home a little later and you figured you'd shut your eyes briefly and then get up in time to make them dinner before they arrived.

You had all moved in together only a month ago but you'd quickly slotted into routine when it came to chores. Despite all working weird hours at your respective jobs, it seemed that you were all able to fall into a steady rhythm, naturally configuring to each other's schedules in a way that just seemed to work.

So when you woke up a few hours later to the sound of the front door unlocking, you were sent into a full blown panic. You jumped out of bed frantically and rushed to the front door to see Sirius and James enter, chatting animatedly amongst themselves. Your heart was racing as a jolt of guilt pierced your stomach.

In the back of your mind, you could hear the voice of your ex boyfriend.

"You're so worthless, y/n! You always mess everything up."

Tears sprung to your eyes as you hurried into the kitchen, quickly filling a pot with hot water and throwing it haphazardly onto the stove.

Hearing the clanging of pots and pans, Sirius and James were allerted to your presence. However, they grew concerned when they walked into the kitchen to see you wiping tears from your eyes as you frantically gathered the ingredients to make pasta.

"Hey darling, what's going on?" James asked, reaching an arm out to grasp your wrist gently.

He cupped your face in his walm palms, using the pads of his thumbs to wipe the tears from your cheeks while Sirius peered over his shoulder, looking like a kicked puppy at the sight of your distress. '

"Please don't be mad," you choked out. The concern in their eyes did nothing to loosen the vice of guilt that was clasping itself around your heart.

"Why would we be mad, lovely?" Sirius stepped forward, resting a hand ever so gently on your shoulder, like he was scared you'd crumble under his touch.

"I wanted to make you dinner before you got home but I fell asleep and now your here and I haven't done it."

There was a moment of silence before James barked out a laugh. You furrowed your brows in confusion.

"Is that all this is about? Geez, love, you scared the shit out of me. I thought something was wrong."

You blinked up at him, perplexed by his response. "But I wanted to do something nice for you and I ruined it!"

"You didn't ruin anything, angel," Sirius cooed. "How about I give Remus a call and he can pick up some Chinese on the way home?"

"Sound's good to me," James responded keenly. Then he turned back to you.

"In the meantime, why don't we go and cuddle on the sofa for a bit. I could use it after the day I've had."

He guided you towards the couch but you couldn't help but glance back towards the mess you'd now made in the kitchen.

"But-"

"No buts," Sirius stated firmly. "I'm calling Remus right now. You go and relax."

Eventually you relented, however, you couldn't stop replaying the interaction in your mind. Even laying in bed that night, curled up with your boyfriends, stomachs full of takeaway, your mind went over the scene.

You couldn't fully comprehend what had happened. You just didn't understand it. Your previous boyfriend would never have let you get away with something like that.

He would've yelled at you, called you stupid and lazy and stood over your shoulder while you made his meal to make sure you didn't burn anything in your haste. That's just how things went. You looked after your boyfriends and when your failed, you got in trouble for it.

Only, Sirius and James had seemed so... understanding? Something about it made your heart stutter with unease. Maybe they were mad, you thought, and they were just too tired from work to tell you off. Maybe they were saving it up for the next time you had an argument.

Whatever it was, it twisted unpleasantly into your gut. Remus was also quiet tonight, he was probably mad at you for making him pick up food on the way from work and wasting his time. Maybe he was giving you the silent treatment, putting a distance in between you as a form of punishment.

Subconciously, you rolled over towards him, where he was nestled beside you and you felt him throw an arm over your waste, still it didn't serve to bring much comfort in that moment.

--

The next morning, you expected them all to confront you. To sit you down and reprimand you for your failure the night before. However, the blow never came.

Instead, they got dressed as usual, ready for work and one by one planted a kiss on your lips as they walked out the door. You supposed you should've been relieved but something in the back of your mind wouldn't let you. You couldn't shake the feeling there was something else at play here, some resentment building inside of them just waiting to burst out.

You couldn't help but wonder what it would take for them to snap.

--

The next time it happened was on Friday. Sirius wanted to take you out to a trendy new restaurant that had opened down the road and you'd all been very excited.

You wanted to make sure you looked amazing for your boys tonight which meant spending over an hour sifting through your wardrobe to find the perfect outfit.

At one point you pulled out a red dress you'd bought to wear to your friend's bachelorette party. It was short and tight and hugged all your curves perfectly. You pulled it from the wardrobe and tossed it aside instantly. You'd never worn in in front of the boys, but your ex always said it was inappropriate for you to wear in public while you were in a relationship and that it made you look like a hooker.

You paused then, for a moment, turning to glance at the piece of fabric where it lay on the bed. You bit your lip as you examined it and a silly idea crossed through your mind.

You knew in an instant it was a dumb thing to do, to test your boyfriend's limits like that, but a nawing curiosity plagued at you. In a moment of confidence, you slipped the dress on.

Walking, down the stairs, you braced yourself for impact. You were well prepared to be told you looked slutty, and that you'd have to change before leaving the house. You had a second, more conservative outfit layed out on the bed, ready for a quick change. But you just had to know for sure.

The boys were waiting for you as you walked down, all dressed up nicely. Their eyes widened when they fell on your form.

"Wow!" Sirius blurted, looking like his eyes were about to burst forth from his skull. "You look..."

You cringed. You knew they wouldn't like it. "Is it too revealing?"

James shook his head. "No baby, not at all. You look amazing."

You were taken aback by the comment, even moreso when Remus agreed with him.

"You look beautiful, dove," he complimented softly. "Besides, it's not up to us what you wear. You could go out in a paper bag for all I care and you'd still be the prettiest girl in the room."

Heat rose in your cheeks at his statement. "Really?"

"Absolutely!"

You're gaze then fell back to Sirius, who was standing in front of you, mouth agape, still at a loss for words as he stared at you.

You felt embarassed then. You shouldn't have gotten your hopes up with the other boys. You should've known it'd be Sirius who objected. He tended to be the most protective of the three of them.

"You don't like it?" You questioned unsteadily, already turning on your heel, ready to go back upstairs and change, when Sirius suddenly grabbed you by the waist.

"No, no, baby. I love it."

He pulled you towards him, eyes ablaze as he looked you up and down.

"You look so sexy. I think you should dress like this all the time."

A small smile formed on your face as you looked up at him. He licked his lips deviously.

"Alright, down boy," James teased, claping a hand on his boyfriend's shoulder. "We've still got to make it through dinner yet. You can rip her clothes off when we get back."

Sirius rolled is eyes dramatically.

"Oh alright then," he turned back to you briefly. "But get ready baby, because tonight I'm going to rock your world."

"Keep it in your pants would you? We're about to go out in public," Remus huffed, shaking his head exasperatedly and James all but dragged Sirius away from you. Remus then held an arm out for you to grasp.

"Shall we?" He asked, looking down at you fondly.

You nodded shyly, as the two of you headed towards the door.

Well, this definitely wasn't the response you'd expected.

__

You're next opportunity came just under a week later. Friday night had been very very fun but you still couldn't get the thought out of your mind that something was wrong.

You couldn't wrap your head around why the boys had been so nice to you. You're ex boyfriend would never let you get away with as much as you had. Surely there was something that would drive them over the edge. Anxiety niggled at the back of your mind. You felt on guard all the time over the last few days, like you were just waiting to find the thing that would trigger the walls to come crashing down around you.

You were laying on the couch, scrolling through TikTok when James came into the room, holding a bag of his dirty gym clothes.

"Hey, darling," he placed a kiss to your forehead. You responded with small smile.

"Shall I put this in the laundry basket for you to take care of later?"

You froze, a thought flashing through your mind. You knew he didn't mean anything by it. You always did the laundry, the boys just expected it. The same way that James always washed the dishes, Sirius vacuumed the floors and Remus took care of the dusting.

However, you couldn't help but wonder what he'd do if you didn't do it. Would he yell at you? Threaten to leave you?

The thoughts swirled in your mind. James rarely ever got properly angry. He was a good communicator and able to laugh things off for the most part. But what if you did something to really piss him off?

You had to know. You had to be able to prepare yourself in case it happened again.

"Why don't you do it yourself?"

You were surprised by the sound of the words as they came out of your mouth and you were immediately filled with guilt. You never spoke to your boyfriend's like that. Especially not sweet, loving James.

He raised his brows, startled by your response. He stood there for a moment, processing what you'd said.

Now I've done it, you thought. You bit your lip anxiously as you braced yourself for the fallout.

Then, James' features softened. He dropped the bag down on the floor and came to crouch by your head. With a gentle hand, he reached up to brush some hair from your forehead, eyes swimming with concern.

"Is everything okay, my love?" His tone was so affectionate that it made you want to cry. "Are you feeling unwell?"

You shook your head, continuing on with your ploy but confused about his response.

"N-no. I just don't feel like doing it today."

You shuffled away from his touch slightly, unsure of what his reaction would be.

James just smiled sympathetically. "That's okay."

"It is?"

He nodded sweetly. "Of course! We all need a break sometimes. You do the laundry every day, it makes perfect sense you'd be growing tired of it."

Your eyes widened.

"Don't worry about it, lovely. I'll take care of it today."

He plopped a sloppy kiss on your cheek and then stood up, whistling to himself as he scooped his bag off the floor and ventured into the laundry room.

You lay there in silence for a few moments, not 100% sure of what just happened.

--

It was two in the morning and you were laying awake in bed thinking. You had been laying there for a while, a plan formulating in your head. You slowly lifted Sirius' arm off you where it was splayed across your stomach and wiggled your way out of bed.

You were lucky that James had requested to take the middle position this evening, otherwise your mission would have been a lot more challenging.

You crept towards the kitchen, your feet light on the floor as to not alert any of the boys (Sirius was a notoriously light sleeper).

You took a deep breath as you made your way over to the pantry, moving towards the shelf you were looking for. The shelf that contained Remus' chocolate stash.

You hesitated. Was this a dumb idea? You'd seen Remus get mad at Sirius just a week ago when he'd stolen some of his chocolate. You knew that this was going to set him off.

But you just had to see. You had to know what would happen when they got mad at you. You couldn't stand the anticipation anymore.

Determinedly you grabbed a couple of mars bars off the shelf and quickly ate scoffed them down. Then you returned quietly to bed, knowing Remus would definitely notice in the morning.

--

"Okay, who ate my chocolates?"

You shrunk down on the couch, quickly becoming nervous at the irritation in his tone.

"Sirius, was it you again? Because I swear to god I told you last time-"

"It wasn't Sirius," you piped up, saving your boyfriend from an unwarranted scolding. "It was me."

The boys all turned to look at you, and slowly you met Remus' wide eyes. You braced yourself once more.

"Oh," he said. "Okay."

You looked up at him like he had two heads. "Okay? Aren't you mad? I stole your chocolate Remus."

He chuckled. "Dove, you bought me that chocolate. You can have some any time you like. We can get some more in the next grocery run."

"B-but you were so mad at Sirius..."

He flopped himself down on the couch beside you, running a hand affectionately through your hair. "Yes, because Sirius does it all the time just to spite me."

"It's true," Sirius called from his spot on the love seat.

"He hides it as well sometimes."

"What can I say?" the boy teased. "You're cute when you're mad."

Remus just rolled his eyes. "Anyway, darling, if your hungry, you're welcome to have some. I'm happy to share. You don't have to sneak it in the middle of the night."

You sat there in shock for a moment, not quite sure what to say.

"Oh, okay. Thanks."

You gave him a tight lipped smile but inside, the anxiety still bubbled on.

--

Over the next few days, you'd done many things to try and get a reaction from them. You came home late from work without telling them, you "forgot" to lock the front door after leaving the house, you even left all the lights on when you went to bed, something you knew Remus couldn't stand.

However, the worst you ever received was a gentle reminder. Instead of reassuring you, it made your stomach churn. Why were they being so nice all the time? Surely they had some kind of ulterior motive.

When the weekend came around, you decided you finally had enough. It was time to pull out the big guns.

"Hey love, do you mind making us a cup of tea?" Sirius had questioned innocently as you all sat huddled together, watching a movie.

"Of course," you'd responded, jumping up from the couch.

You'd put the kettle on and were removing the teacups from the cupboard when a horrible thought crossed your mind. These were Remus' mother's teacups. The ones he'd kept after she'd passed away. The other boys were so protective of Remus, you knew this was going to illicit some kind of reaction.

You took a deep breath.

CRASH

The teacup clattered to the floor, smashing into hundreds of pieces that scattered across the white kitchen tiles.

Regret consumed you the moment that you did it. Oh God, you thought. What had you done?

You immediately crouched down in an attempt to collect all the pieces and tears began to flood your eyes. The voice of your ex played in your mind once more.

"You're so pathetic. Look at yourself right now. How is anyone supposed to love someone as stupid as you?"

You choked on a sob as you heard the sounds of your boyfriend's footsteps rushing towards you. James got to you first.

"Sweetheart, is everything okay? We heard something break."

You looked up at him, the concern on his face and more tears came to your eyes. You choked on a sob when you realised that this was it. They'd probably break up with you when they saw what you'd done.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry," You choked out. "I know how much you loved these teacups Remus."

You spared yourself a glance towards his face. You expected him to look angry or upset or hurt but instead he just looked... worried?

"Dove it's okay," he walked towards you. "But you need to get off the floor, lovely. I don't want you to get cut by the glass."

You looked up at him with wide, tear-filled eyes. "What?"

"I can help, I've got slippers on," Sirius stated and in a swift movement, he was lifting you up off the floor and setting you down on the counter, away from the dangerous shards.

This only caused you to sob more. Why were they being so kind?

"Why are you crying doll? Did you cut yourself?" Sirius asked gently, assessing your face with a hand cupped around your cheek.

You shook your head and sniffled pathetically.

"Then tell us what's got you so upset," James pleaded, looking like he wanted to cry himself. He was always the most sensitive of your boys.

You took a shaky breath. "Why won't you get mad at me?"

Remus looked taken aback. "Why would we be mad at you, dove? It was just an accident."

You sniffled and shook your head. You were on the verge of hysterics now.

"No it wasn't! I did it on purpose. You were supposed to be angry."

"What are you talking about?" James questioned, running a gentle hand along your back. You shrugged away from the contact.

"You're all too nice to me!" you exclaimed. "No matter what I do or how much I stuff up, you're always so kind about it! You're supposed to be angry sometimes!"

"Sweetheart," James murmured. "It's because we love you. Nothing you do will ever change that."

"Really?" you questioned unsurely.

"Of course, dove," Remus confirmed.

You looked up to Sirius to see that he was now looking down at you with a glisten of anguish in his eyes.

"So this is what's been going on? You've been testing us?"

You bit the inside of your cheek. You supposed he was right and suddenly you felt stupid for putting them through all you had for the last few weeks.

"I'm sorry, I'm a terrible girlfriend."

All of a sudden, you were smushed against Sirius' chest.

"No your not. You're wonderful," he muttered into your hair. "I understand, you know? I did the same thing when I ran away to James'. I just wished I picked up on it sooner."

"It's okay," you murmured, your tears finally beginning to slow. "It was silly."

"It wasn't silly, if it made you upset," Remus chimed in.

"Yeah darling, and you know you can come to us with anything? If you're feeling upset about something we want you to tell us," James added.

"I know," you sighed, pulling back from Sirius so you could look at all three of the boys. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, doll. What about this? We promise we will be honest with you if we're ever upset about something so you don't have to worry."

You nodded.

They smiled at you. And for the first time in a while, you're ex's voice vanished from your mind. You didn't need to worry about him anymore. You had your boys, and that's all you needed.

[iris88877]

SYNASTRY OBSERVATIONS PART-1-

Moon Opposite Mars: When your Moon opposite their Mars, get ready for some serious sparks. Emotional outbursts? Hell yeah. Passionate fights? Alright bet. But the make-up game? Pure fire. This mix is all about those raw, unfiltered feels – the highs, the lows, and everything in between.but before entering the relationship make sure that the love is here because if you go for this relationship based on passion and intensity it may go wrong and be dangerous so make sure to be wise enough to know what are you in Exactly to not end up being abused or bullied or violated and this is specially for the moon person, yeah the passion is there but make sure this passion don't turn sour ok ?

Venus Opposite Mars: When your Venus is opposite their Mars, it’s a classic case of opposites attract. There’s a magnetic pull that’s hard to resist – the kind of attraction that’s intense and all-consuming. But it also leads to some epic clashes. It’s all about balancing that love-hate dynamic, where the passion is real, but so are the conflicts. You might have explosive arguments followed by passionate reconciliations, making this connection as volatile as it is thrilling. And I. Some situation this can be one sided love and it's always the venus person that love the mars person more😭

Moon-Saturn aspects : now hear me out, this synastry aspect always have the same situation: the Saturn person will never feel the moon person emotions like NEVER , let me tell you , it's like the Saturn person feels they can't keep up with the moon person sensitivity, they will see the moon as too sensitive for no reason at some point , in the beginning of the relationship everything is okay but as soon as the moon person become comfortable and open up about their emotions and sensitivity , the Saturn person is out , they just can't do it it's so hard for them to do that specially if you guys don't have compatible moon signs ( even if you have compatible moon signs it's still tuff) but with incompatible moon signs , congratulations you're cooked buddy ain't gonna lie about it , the Saturn person will never love the moon person in 100% way , in every relationship with this aspect they will never love the other person as the moon person expect them to be because theey will always feel like their love should be limited and their emotions should be limited for the moon person , it may last long but the relationship will be soo cold from Saturn side and too sad from the moon side but the thing is that the moon person's emotion is fixed on the Saturn person and they don't wanna leave them at any cost even if the relationship may hurt them and kill them , they don't wanna leave it they would prefer to be dead and never leave the relationship , and broo that's hella toxic , I find this aspect someway or form worst than pluto-moon aspects I said what I said ..

North node conjunct mars : When your North Node conjunct someone else's Mars, it's like you’ve got this dynamic energy propelling you forward. Mars is all about action, drive, and getting things done, while the North Node represents your life’s purpose and the path you’re meant to follow.Imagine having a partner who’s always encouraging you to chase your dreams and take risks. They light a fire under you, pushing you to step out of your comfort zone and go after what you really want. It’s like having someone who believes in you more than you believe in yourself sometimes.This connection can be super motivating. If you’ve been feeling stuck or unsure about your direction, their Mars energy can give you that extra kick to start moving. It’s like having a personal cheerleader who’s also ready to kick your butt into gear if you’re slacking.But it’s not just about them pushing you , you also inspire them to channel their energy into something meaningful. It’s a two-way street where you both help each other grow and evolve. Your goals might become more aligned, and you find yourselves working together towards common aspirations.There can be a bit of a challenge too, because Mars can be aggressive and impatient. Sometimes, their way of motivating you might feel a bit too intense or pushy. It's like when a trainer pushes you harder than you’re ready for, which can be overwhelming. But if you can handle the intensity, it leads to significant growth.In relationships, this aspect adds a lot of passion and drive. It’s like you’re both on a mission, whether it’s building a life together, working on projects, or simply pushing each other to be the best versions of yourselves. There’s a sense of purpose and urgency in your connection, making things feel exciting and forward-moving.So, having your North Node conjunct someone’s Mars is like finding that perfect balance between motivation and support, pushing you to achieve greatness together.

Mars square Pluto : so here we go , Mars square Pluto in synastry is like having a relationship with a lot of fireworks, but not always the good kind. Imagine you're constantly butting heads with your partner, like every little thing turns into a massive argument. One of you might always try to dominate the other, leading to a lot of power struggles. It's like you're both trying to steer the ship, but you keep crashing into each other. There’s always this underlying tension, like walking on eggshells, because you never know when the next big blow-up is coming. You might find yourself in situations where jealousy and possessiveness are off the charts, like one of you is always checking the other's phone or getting paranoid about what they’re doing. The arguments can get really heated, with both sides saying things they don't mean, turning minor issues into major drama. On the flip side, the sexual chemistry is intense, almost too intense... This aspect is a wild ride, full of ups and downs, and it can either push you to grow or completely wear you out.

Neptune square mercury : I was asking myself if should I talk about this aspect or not but let's go for it , this aspect is like trying to chat through a haze, Period . You're always missing each other's point, like saying one thing and your partner hears something completely different. Imagine planning a date, but somehow ending up at different places because one of you misread the message. Conversations feel like you're on different wavelengths, almost like talking to someone who's half-listening or daydreaming. It's like trying to get something important across, but they keep drifting off or interpreting it in a way you didn't mean.This can also lead to some sneaky behavior or little white lies. Maybe you feel like your partner isn’t always straight with you, or details get conveniently left out. Picture saying you're out with friends and them imagining a wild party when you’re just chilling at a cafe. The lines between truth and imagination blur, making trust a bit tricky.You might also find yourself feeling disoriented in discussions, like you can’t pin down what they really mean. It's a lot of "Wait, what did you mean by that?" or "I thought you said something else." It can be frustrating because you're always trying to read between the lines and guess what they’re really thinking.

Uranus square ascendant : this feels like you're both trying to find a balance between staying true to yourselves and being open to new ideas and experiences. The Uranus person might push you to step out of your comfort zone, which can be exhilarating but also a bit unsettling. I'm not saying it's a bad aspect but let's say it's a friendship , you and your friend are always on the lookout for the next adventure, constantly pushing each other to try new things and explore new ideas. The Uranus person may bring a sense of freedom and liberation to the friendship, encouraging the Ascendant person to break free from routine and embrace change BUT this can lead to a dynamic and stimulating friendship, it can also create tension, especially if one person feels like the other is pushing them too far out of their comfort zone. AND if it's a romantic relationship this aspect in any type of relationship add excitement for sure whether it sometimes conjunct the MC ( excitement in you career) or the IC ( excitement in your home environment or in your emotions in general) but this aspect can lead to conflicts maybe a lot of conflicts , especially if one person feels like their need for independence is being stifled by the other. It's like trying to find a balance between being true to yourself and being part of a partnership. If not managed well, this aspect can lead to a relationship that feels chaotic and unstable, with both partners feeling like they're never on solid ground.

[bones4thecats]

↳ My Blood Is Your Blood; You're My Kin.

A Demon Slayer × Gender-Neutral, Demon! Reader.

Characters Included: Muzan Kibutsuji, Kokushibo, Douma, and Akaza.

Prompt: "What if their S/O was a demon slayer’s ancestor?"

Possible Trigger Warnings: Spoilers for the ending fights of Demon Slayer (Muzan, Kokushibo, Douma), Iguro Obanai's past spoilers (Muzan), Hinted parental abuse (Kokushibo), Mental instability and emotional imbalance (Douma), Toxic and abusive relationships, hinted forced intercourse (Akaza).

●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●～●

👑 You don't remember much from when you were a human. But, you did have few memories like screaming and the sounds of metal clashing against metal. It was faint, but you remembered it. 👑 When you became a demon, you rose in power surprisingly quick. Your hands were covered in the blood of humans and demons alike. Nobody was safe when gaining the highest position was your only goal. Muzan, your King, merely watched amused. You were quite the unique demon; cold, yet caring to some.

👑 You were given a rank unknown to the Demon Slayer Corps; Uppermoon Ø. A rank where you stood above the other Uppermoons and could rule them like how your King did. You'd lead them during all battles against large groups of slayers, or would disperse them for special missions. 👑 A mission such as today; when the Demon Slayer Corps would fall and demons would rule the world supreme. 👑 Standing alongside your King, you smiled softly. The Uppermoons were handling themselves well -- even killing some Hashira every once and while. It pleased you and Muzan. But when they fell, anger seeped through the cracks.

An eyebrow was cocked up while the other relaxed down. These slayers are stronger than expected... you heard Muzan think.

Can't agree more, my Lord. You replied.

Looking upwards, you saw a Hashira jump down to send a hit at your neck. As if that would do any reasonable damage. If Uppermoon three could take having his head cut off, it would be your equivalent as having a paper-cut.

His mouth was covered with wrap, leaving many to wonder what was underneath. You merely chuckled, you knew what was under it.

The same that happened to cause a cross through your right eye's number.

Shifting your focus to the ground, you slammed your palm down. Around you, roots and metals from the ground emerged, launching towards the attackers. You smirked and felt a root grasp the Hashira above you. Retrieving him in your hand, you giggled.

"Your eyes match my old husband's. I must admit, I'm surprised that gene of all passed down to our kin.

"It's funny really; how much that serpent can affect someone, and how different we are because of it. Let me guess she caused what is underneath that mask?"

He froze, eyebrows soaring down in anger as you reached to cut the wrapping away from his face. Before you could grasp it, he kicked you away.

Digging your feet into the ground, you scoffed.

"Does family treat each other like that?"

His blade was raised now, a couple chips in it as the light from the stars above reflected and highlighted its curved appearance. "You are not my family. There is no way I'm related to something as evil as you."

You cackled, vines around the two of you like a cage. The cage that he was in as a child.

"Oh... I beg to differ.

"Now... why don't we have some ancestor-descendant bonding, yeah?"

🌘 When you became a demon, it was something you had wanted for some time. You were tired of everything; the whispers, the guilt of the man-eating beasts that you had nothing to do with. It was all enough, and you took the hand of your once-sworn enemy. 🌘 Rising in power steadily, you grew close to your comrade in humanity and demon-hood; Michikatsu Tsugikuni -- now Kokushibo. Your bond was healthy, dare you say the best one you and he ever had. Romance grew like a wisteria tree, blossoming into a sight as beautiful as it could be deadly. 🌘 As Uppermoon Two, you would take any that challenged you down. Including your own former allies. Any feelings for them now gone as your world revolved around your single superior Uppermoon and role as second-strongest. 🌘 This power lasted centuries, and boosted when you went against the entire Demon Slayer Corps. You wandered around, slaughtering any around and taking as much as you could before the next opponent joined their sibling-in-arms. 🌘 Coming across and joining Kokushibo, you fought with malice hidden underneath your sadistic smile. Fangs poking out as you laughed and mocked those below you in experience and bloodlust. 🌘 Especially the two with the biggest anger issues.

Fazing into the shadow of the largest slayer, you smirked. This fight was exactly what you needed to test your strength. Taking them down solidifying your control over other demons. Well, except for your Lord and husband, of course.

"Find them, dammit!" The white-haired Hashira screamed. He sent another attack at Kokushibo, only for the Uppermoon to deflect it.

"You look like them..." He spoke, voice slightly hoarse from hardly ever using it.

Rolling his eyes and dodging as his fellow slayers sent attacks at you and the older demon, the Wind Hashira scoffed. "Like who?!" He replied.

"Me, silly!" You cackled, jumping from the shadows and grabbing the black-haired, mohawk-having slayer.

A psychotic smile laid on your face as you pulled him closer to inspect his face. The two slayers must be related... to each other and to I. How amusing! This makes this fight even better!

Though, I wonder. Did my blood come from their father or mother?

"Oh well." You said, looking down as the Stone Hashira sent his weapon to cut off your hand from the younger boy. You let him go and jumped away just before the hit landed, saving you some energy for more fun.

"You must be my VERY great grandsons!" You joyfully said, "I must ask before you die: which was more violent? Mom or Dad?"

A war cry was let out as a Wind Breathing technique was sent at you, knocking you back into the wall. A sickening splat was heard as you merged in the shadows at the last minute, saving your energy once again.

"I wonder..." You said, emerging from behind the older brother. "What can I break first, young Shinazugawas; your spirit... or your body?

"Let's find that out, shall we?"

🧊 Your maniac laugh was the last thing your children heard, and you regretted letting them grow up with that burden on their shoulders. You had uncontrollable emotional outbursts, and when you accepted your role as a demon, you finally calmed down. 🧊 If only, you'd ponder, If only I could be like this for them. 🧊 Due to your emotional constipation, you bonded with Douma quick. You were powerful, being on the same podium as him in the Twelve Kizuki. But, you had the tendency to burst and rage at everyone around, causing you to be restrained. 🧊 Douma was fascinated by it, and grew to want to be like you more. He wanted to feel the passion you did when you exploded in depression, anger, joy, and everything else. It was weird, he knew this, but he couldn't lie and say it wasn't a desire of his. 🧊 And he loved seeing it happen when fighting. The way your eyes narrowed and lips rose in insanity just made his chest warm and cheeks flush in desire. 🧊 He hadn't seen it in a long time, and now it was just wonderful to see that mix with your long-restrained sadism and masochism, it was like his paradise was right here.

The Insect Hashira gritted her teeth, her sword's handle being held tightly as she heard a low and dangerous cackle come from all around. The demon before her even froze, though he seemed to relax more than tense.

"Douma, what have I told you about fighting without me?~" Your voice rung out, comparable to a songbird.

Uppermoon Two chuckled, his fans covering the lower part of his face when his lips rose into a sly smile. He apologized, claiming he thought you were helping your lower-ranked demons against the slayers.

"Yeah, right. Now..." A figure emerged from the door behind the Hashira, and she drew her sword to her side for a quick attack. Then she caught sight of the person before her; they looked so much like Kanae.

Allowing their top to fall to their sides, only being held up by their sash around their waist, two extra pairs of arms emerged from their midsection. On their head were antennae, and behind them were two large pairs of butterfly wings.

"What is your name, my descendant?" You asked, pointing with your main hand's finger to the slayer.

"Shinobu Kocho, younger sister of Kanae Kocho." She said, ready to attack both of you and die if it meant you'd die as well.

"Shinobu... what a lovely name." You spoke, your eyes darkening as Douma chuckled from behind Shinobu.

"Well then, Shinobu. I have a question for you;

Do you feel lucky?"

❄️ Akaza and you were like two halves of a coin. While he had everything; a fiance and good future, and lost that, you had nothing; no real loved ones and a horrible path ahead, which changed when you met Kokushibo. He made you a demon and you gained everything, including a lover. Akaza himself. ❄️ You loved each other deeply, refused to let the other fight without the other there for backup. "Who knows how damaging new breathing styles could be?" You'd say when asked by the King of Demons. "Besides, there's more luck finding that flower in pairs than alone, right? One fights, other looks." ❄️ That was what your night was supposed to be. He would fight any opponent he deemed worthy while you looked for signs of the blue spider lily. ❄️ He got what he wanted, and you got something better than praise from your King. ❄️ You found the kin you had abandoned long ago to become a demon. His blood pounded with your own in there somewhere, his flames matched the ones your brothers and you used to utilize against the monster you were now. ❄️ A smile crossed your mouth as you applauded and sent a barrier of flames to block off the other slayers from attacking as you spoke to the Hashira before you.

"You... another Uppermoon!" The young Rengoku said, his sword held up in defense as you nodded and looked deep into his eyes.

They matched what yours once were. The moon's light bouncing against the sun-like colors well, while the moon's light was absorbed into your completely black ones.

The specks of red and orange in yours enlarged, forming pupils and irises as the flames grew taller, caging him in more and more.

"Stay back, demon!" He exclaimed.

Must have some kind of hearing issue. You thought. Nobody yells that much... not like the flames around are blasting the screams of the fallen slayers of years past.

Akaza stepped forward, only for you to raise a hand and keep him behind you. He balled his fists and stood back, allowing you to walk towards the Flame Hashira.

"Another Rengoku. I've wondered how the family's lineage has gone. Does love still fill the halls? Or did the animosity and toxicity of my once-beloved husband finally rise and contaminate the rest of you like how I have long claimed?"

His eyes widened and brows meshed in confusion and shock. How could you be his family? You were a demon, and no doubt centuries older than his own family. Maybe older than his great-grandfather!

"Who are you?" He asked.

Speaking your name with the heavily expressed Rengoku drawn out made the slayer freeze. You were known in the family as a missing link; a member that left their husband, twin children, and life behind for something unknown to all.

"This is what happened to you...?" He asked. "WHY?! Why betray the family in such a way?!"

You scoffed and rolled your eyes along with Akaza, who understood everything as if he read your life word for word. "Family? What a lie.

"All they ever did was tear me down; make me marry the one man I told them would ruin me, not love me, terrorize my mentality. And they forced being a parent on me, ruined my body with the touches of the man I despised more than anything!

"If that is what family is... than no, I did not betray my family. I betrayed monsters.

"And soon... you can join those monsters as the only ray of hope left in the bloodline."

🌊 Copyright © 2025 by Bones4thecats on Tumblr. All Rights Reserved. 🌊

[gnosticjade]

Personally Nana is a manga i feel you need an understanding of sapphic women's struggles to be able to read through the context and intention of the characters and their issues. Primarily the two Nana's.

Nana Osaki has a discomfort around the idea of traditional feminine roles and what's 'expected' from her as a woman. The main reason she feels her relationship with Ren doesn't and won't work long term is he's fixated on wanting to have children with her.

However for Nana this'd get in the way of her desired career as a singer and also her future. She deems becoming a housewife and having to provide only for a man as 'the worst fate imaginable'. This is the main reason for conflict with her relationship with Ren.

While Ren isn't abusive in the same way as Takumi he does force Nana into doing things she doesn't feel comfortable with nor want to do. It's because of this that her relationship with Ren is so toxic for the both of them.

On Hachi's side, most of her issues seem to revolve around a clear case of comphet and struggling with her feelings for the women in her life. Hachi desires what Nana least desires (becoming married, having kids etc.) however romance with men is painful and isolating for her.

Hachi's first relationship being with Asano, where she was groomed while she was still a minor ruined her perception of how relationships should be. She only started dating Shouji after he guilt trips her into a relationship (and sex).

Hachi constantly states wanting a friendship with Shouji and how much it means to her however she starts dating because everyone around her acts like she's leading him on. So she dates him, then Shouji gets mad she doesn't act how HE wants her to act.

Shouji literally cheats on Hachi with Sachiko because she wouldn't just sleep with him all the time whenever he wanted. Hachi wasn't 'submissive' enough, Sachiko was.

Then on Hachi's part her 'liking' of Takumi was only in a way of how girls idolise a celebrity. There's no genuineness behind this because there's a fictional distance between you and them. Once Hachi actually meets Takumi she notices there's something wrong.

Hachi only got with Takumi because she was feeling abandoned and left behind by Nana who started focusing more on her career. Her entire relationship with Takumi is a cycle of abuse on making her think she needs him while he's aware she doesn't actually love him.

Takumi doesn't love Hachi, he only loves the amount of control he has over her. He literally treats her like his dog and both Nana and Hachi are aware of this. However it's not easy to break out of an abusive relationship just because you're aware.

Especially since with Takumi Hachi is able to have a child, which is something she's wanted since she was young. Obviously she doesn't love Takumi but on her mind, someone who never had a clear idea or desire for the future. It's the only thing she can do.

Especially since from her pov 'Nana doesn't need me anymore'. I'm not saying everyone needs to read the characters in a sapphic pov but none of the relationships they end up in are healthy for either of them, they both have men forcing their desires onto them.

Nana and Hachi's love for one another is the focus of the series and if it ever continued they'd definitely develop their relationship further. There's a sense of freedom in their love for one another that they can't get with men.

To conclude, Hachi has clear symptoms of comphet and she is likely a lesbian but struggles with seeing her feelings as valid. Where on Nana's side she can't achieve what she wants to achieve in life if she's dating a man because they'll always have different life desires.

[upon-sunflower-trails]

it cries a soft weep like mine

nam-gyu x reader | oneshot | 1965 words

songfic, i guess? based on eric by mitski. if i'm being honest, this fic was really cathartic for me to write.

warnings: nsfw. pretty fucking toxic relationship, nothing physically or sexually abusive, but it's really toxic. fairly graphic depictions of sex. emotional abuse. manipulation. dacryphilia.

You like control, well, I do too

Take off my clothes and watch me move

You can come closer, I'll let you hurt me

How you choose

It had been a little over six months since you decided to pursue a relationship with Nam-gyu. You'd met him through a mutual friend, where the attraction was almost instantaneous.

That's all it seemed to be. Purely physical attraction. You knew you wanted more, to have a relationship that was full of genuine intimacy. You wanted the sort of love that led to late night conversations in bed, with your hands threaded in his hair as you both looked up at the ceiling, gentle smiles on your faces.

Nam-gyu was not that kind of lover. It was all about how far he could take things without you pushing back. He used you for sex and not much else— it's not like he was ever home. You couldn't tell if you preferred the crippling solitude that settled in your gut when he was out doing god-knows-what during the day, or if you wanted to cling to him despite the ways he made it clear you were of no importance to him.

In the beginning, you pushed back. You two would constantly argue over the smallest of things. He wanted to be his own person, even if it meant disrespecting his relationship with you. You still had enough strength to stand your ground, to yell back as he slammed his fist against the counter. 

You still remembered the first time you had come home to him in bed with someone else, as they scurried out of the door as Nam-gyu laid still in bed with a smirk on his face, disregarding the angry tears streaming down your face as you shouted at him like a rabid dog barking at its owner. 

You wanted to leave then, but he convinced you to stay the same way he always did. Pleading with you, pretending he cared in that moment— promising he would change, that he had a moment of weakness. Things had been so difficult for him, he wasn't in the right state of mind. And then he'd have you bare in front of him, knowing he would be able to reel you back in any time.

Help me with the zipper on my skirt, it's stuck

As you kneel, I'll be watching you fix me

This view of you, of the top of your head

Makes me forgive you

After a few months, even your mutual friends could tell things weren't right between you and your boyfriend. You had become more withdrawn and careful with your words. You refused to drink, knowing it would lead to you breaking down and spilling your guts to anyone in proximity to you. 

Nam-gyu paraded you around as if you were an exotic pet on a leash. He would shut you up if you even dared to speak in front of the people who were no longer your friends, but his. He convinced you that their worried glances were instead glares of disgust, that everyone knew how mean you were to him behind closed doors. You believed him; how could you yell at him when he had been trying so hard to get better?

At one get-together, the same person you had caught him sleeping with was there. Even in your wounded state, it festered— festered until you could feel every rational part of you become infected with blind rage. You snapped as he placed an arm on theirs after ignoring you all night, even though to anyone who was watching it was obvious he was simply helping to steady them after they had fallen.

You were made to be the fool. Onlookers saw you as insecure, jealous, crazy. Nam-gyu played the part of the hurt boyfriend who couldn't believe the accusations you were throwing at him. Everyone believed him, because why would they trust you? You had been acting strange and distant for months now.

That night, Nam-gyu hadn't berated you. He simply helped you undress, murmuring that he would make it up to you.

"Don't know why you always make me out to be the bad guy, baby." "I was just tryin' to help them. Didn't you see them fall?" "We already talked about this, why do you keep bringing it up?" "Am I not allowed to have friends now? I'll just stop talking to them, if that's what you want. In fact, I'll stop going out entirely."

He said it all as he helped you out of the shoes that were blistering your feet, unzipping the skirt you had been fiddling with all night. He looked up at you through his lashes, eyes glistening as he did his best to seem hurt by your accusations. Fat tears rolled down his cheeks as he jutted out his bottom lip, wailing that the last thing he wanted to do was hurt you.

So you let him back in again. You turned a blind eye yet again to all the trouble he had caused you, because at least he was a good fuck for the night.

But how long, how long can we play this way?

I'm tired, I'm tired of not loving you

My heart, my heart wants to hold you

But I know, I know, I know the rules

Six months in, you knew you held nothing but an odd mix of sorrow and contempt for Nam-gyu. You tried to rationalize it, that this was what love was really supposed to feel like. 

The only physical intimacy he engaged in with you was sex. It was never gentle, or soft, or tender; it was bordering on violent and possessive, despite you not truly belonging to him. And as soon as he had spilt himself into you, he would turn away and not allow you to hold or touch him. He claimed he never saw the point of cuddling or any sort of aftercare.

You knew he heard the sobs that racked your body every night. As you clutched the comforter close to your bare chest, pillow wet as the thick seed between your legs served as a constant reminder of what you were putting yourself through.

Some nights, you would reach out as he was sleeping, desperate to brush the stray hairs from his face. He truly looked peaceful like this, his resting state making you forget how cruel he could be. Every time you outstretched your limbs, craving any sort of loving embrace, you retracted at the last minute. You knew to roll back over and force your eyes shut, praying that perhaps this was all just a bad dream you were going to wake up from. That you were in such a happy relationship in real life, you were forced to have constant nightmares of what a terrible relationship would look like.

And every morning, as harsh sunlight beat in through the blinds on your face, you were reminded that this was your reality. That you would turn over, and Nam-gyu would be gone— not in the way that he had never existed, as the divet in the mattress suggested, but that he left without bidding you farewell as any good lover should.

You knew you weren't in love with him. How could you be? You despised him, deep down, even if you never admitted it to yourself. But you had promised yourself to him at some point down the line, and he hadn't dumped you on the side of the road yet.

So, for now, you stayed.

Blue light, dark room, the white of your teeth

As you smile at my trembling shoulders

But your skin, did you notice your skin?

It cries a soft weep like mine

You always tended to cry during sex with Nam-gyu. Perhaps he had just gotten used to it, or he had twisted in his mind that they were tears of pleasure. Either way, it didn't matter.

You enjoyed the release, yes, you only stayed with him for the pleasure. Well, that was what you told yourself. 

You wept as he thrust into you, because it was the only time the relationship felt real. His presence was overpowering, as the stench of his cologne settled into your nostrils while the cold sensation of his rings against your sides were the only thing keeping your mind tethered to reality.

He would growl into your shoulder as he bit and nipped at you, leaving marks that you never hesitated to cover (since they were a reminder that you were with him). His teeth shone in the low light of your "shared" bedroom, amusement coming out as a hiss as you cried out his name, a mix of pleasure and despair at your current situation.

Insults and degradation would be hurled your way under the guise of him "getting too into the moment." You always tried to ignore when he would moan out someone else's name. It only made you cry harder, and that only made him rougher. You guessed that your sobs spurred him on, that in some twisted sort of way seeing you in such a broken state aided his arousal. You never wanted to think too much into it, lest you begin to bawl even more.

Every once in a while, on extremely rare occasion, he would let a tear slip as well. Maybe it was a sign he was still human, too. That deep down, he felt sorry for what he had put you through. He was always quick to hide it as soon as it happened, and just like that he would go back to the same Nam-gyu he always was.

Those nights, you would always hear sniffling and muffled sobs beside you as you wiped your silent tears away.

I'll sell, I'll sell my whole to you

What's my, what's my, what's my price?

How about, how about just a part of you?

You were too deep in to leave when Nam-gyu finally began investing your money in things as well. He had lost everything already, and now needed your financial aid to pick him up off the ground. You wanted to be the perfect partner to him, to support him in his time of need. You tried to find any positive you could about him as you got deeper and deeper into the relationship, making decisions that would only solidify your inability to leave him.

You had lost everything alongside him, drowning in debt as he made even more irresponsible decisions with your money. You couldn't even stick up for yourself, let alone get out of the situation entirely. You were stuck, practically entrapped with a barbed-wire engagement ring digging into your finger. You laughed at the idea, but realized the metaphor didn't seem so far-fetched.

You weren't sure what it was that you did that finally pushed Nam-gyu over the edge. He abandoned you without a word, one day muttering something about making up his debts and the next day vanishing into thin air. You weren't sure if he'd ever return. Deep down, you knew you didn't want him to. But as it stood, you were crushed. Lost and hopeless without him, simply going through the motions everyday with no solace in pretending he loved you at night while being shoved against the headboard.

In some strange way, you missed him. It wasn't as though he completed you, but you had become so wrapped up in a life not with him, but of him, that you weren't sure how to exist outside of being Nam-gyu's. 

You weren't sure how to survive without the assurance of him being in your life.

'Cause I want, I want, I want, I want

I want, I want, I want, I want, I want.

[jweekgoji]

can u write some Yandere TFO Darkwing x Cybertronian femme reader, who is a miner but Darkwing ends up getting her pregnant and forces her to be his conjux

Yandere!Darkwing/Femme!Reader [TFO]

tw: dubcon, yandere/dark themes, unplanned pregnancy, toxic relationship, supervisor/subordinate, power imbalance, size difference, mentions of past abuse, sickness, description of trauma, hurt no comfort, no happy ending. word count: ~1780 a/n: I wanted to keep it short, but somehow it leads to this. I guess this is for 5 Darkwing fans? imo, he has good himbo potential. also writing for Elita was fun...now i wanna write some Optimus and Elita/Reader fics once i'm done with requests.

How could you let this happen?

The same question runs in your head over and over again. It seems that no matter how hard you try to forget about it, you always see that familiar face right next to yours. Dwarfing you, making you feel so small and fragile. It probably wouldn't be too far from the truth. With your smaller, weaker body, nobody would even notice if you were gone.

You should be used to it by now. Countless cycles of mining, the same routine seems somehow calming despite having no signs of progress in any near future.

Energon, sleep, energon, sleep. What kind of life is that? Was that really all you're good for? Your endless purpose until you break one day?

Primus, why did he make you suffer?

“Hey!” you hear a rough, commanding tone from your captain right behind you. “No slacking off until we finish our job! Come on, keep up!”

You blink once, then another few times, optics quickly concentrating on the wall in front of you. How long were you staring at this wall…? Doesn't matter.

Elita-One gives you a glare; she is too preoccupied with leading her group safe; of course, the mines are too dangerous, and every single wrong move could lead to a series of disasters. You usually have no problems with following her orders, but everything now is just too much. Too much stress, too many orders. You're so exhausted.

Reluctantly, you continue working on collecting energon once again. The heavy equipment makes your frame tremble from the weight; you never once struggled with it, despite the drilling machine being almost the same weight as yours. Now, every single minute feels like a challenge. Focus, focus, focus— you can't just pass out during your work! If it didn't kill you first, then Elita-One certainly would after you screwed her chances of promotion.

You shook your head, as if somehow all the thoughts about the pain—the non-stop aching shooting down your back. It makes you want to bend down and wrap your arms around yourself; maybe, just maybe, it will all go away, and you'll be back to normal.

The soft whirr of your cooling systems gets louder. The poor mechanism overworking itself to cool down your frame. You barely notice how the buzzing sound of the drills seems quieter now, changing into the ringing in your head.

The loud clank of the metal against the ground quickly catches Elita's attention. A frown etched on her faceplate, the immediate ‘...by the name of Solus Prime, what's next?’ she quietly grumbled under her breath, turning her attention to the source of that sound.

Your boss was ready to scold you again, another lecture about the importance of teamwork and how it affects the whole squad—but all the annoyance quickly changes into panic the moment she sees you. Close to falling on your own knees and forehead pressed against the wall as you lean against it.

She quickly approaches you, placing her servo on your shoulder to turn you over so you can face her. Your frame is so warm, no, too warm it's almost burning hot. Your spark beats so hard she can practically feel it under her palm. The signs of sickness are obvious, and she cursed her luck yet again that now she has to explain the situation to the supervisors.

Elita helps you to lean your frame against her own instead, holding her arm around your waist, asking countless questions about what the pit you were thinking, and starting your shift without telling her about your well-being. She's the leader of your group! She has to know everything! It doesn't help with her concerns that you barely say anything, too weak to even open your mouth.

She is so annoyed with you, at everything right now. Great, just great, now she has to— a pause. Her optics widened for a mere second. Elita-One looks down at you with a mixture of confusion and a growing shock. The beating of your spark. Twice as fast, too unusual for any cybertronian even if put under the stress. Her servo reaches to your chassis, hovering over the spot where the spark chamber is. You're sparked up.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Quiet, too quiet, perhaps. The first thing you notice before finally opening your optics. The soft light of the room makes you want to go back to recharging again. Another innocent dream will be a good place to escape the harsh reality, until the slow realization creeps into your mind.

“It wasn't my fault, how could I—” the distant sound of Elita's voice is heard outside the room you were in.

“It was your job to lead the group and make sure everything goes according to the protocols. Just like ensuring that every bot in your squad is in the right shape for work,” you don't have to check twice to understand who it would be. Darkwing.

You can hear Elita trying to defend herself again. After all, it wasn't really her fault. You never wanted to tell anyone about it. But what choices did you have? How can you explain being sparked up? By who?

Now you feel guilty. Shame. She got into trouble because of you, and knowing how hard she worked to reach her position...You're so, so sorry.

You slowly move to sit up on the berth in the...what was this place exactly? It reminds of the infirmary, but surprisingly, any medic is absent today. Ratchet? Lifeline? First Aid? Completely gone.

As the door opens, your optics meet Darkwing's own. It was always hard to understand what exactly he was thinking about when he looked at you. The visor, the battle mask, it seems like every single thing in him has a purpose to make you self-conscious. Nervous and scared. Unlike him, you never had the chance of hiding.

Once you two were alone, he's fuming. He breathes heavily, trying to suppress the anger burning inside his chassis. If you were any other miner, another speck of dirt under his pedes, he would have disciplined you without thinking twice.

But you're no ordinary miner now, are you?

“You hid this from me, on purpose,” Darkwing looks down at you, servos clenching into tight fists. “And this is how I find out about it. Do you have any idea what you just got yourself into?”

The mere idea of him being together with  some nameless miner? Ridiculous. He never planned it to develop into something more. Just a one-night stand, nothing more. He would have forgotten about it by the next day if it wasn't for something, making him think about you since then.

The perfect size, fitting in his servos just right. A tiny toy to play with and use however he wants. A cute one too; isn't this a great deal? The curves, the shape of your frame...if you had a cog, what kind of alt mode would you have? A jet like him? Maybe a car? A boat?

Any other of his fellow supervisors would have left you immediately once they found out. If any bot gets to know about it, he's screwed. Darkwing, who claims to despise every single cogless bot? And now he's having second thoughts about whether he should let you be on your own or...participate?

You lowered your head, as if in shame. There's no fight in you left, not after Darkwing personally stripped you of your dignity. Now the only thing left is a sense of responsibility over that sparkling inside you. You're not even sure if your body can take it. The slowly growing little thing takes up a good half of your energy, and with the energon portions you receive, it is hardly enough for the two. You might die from starvation if this keeps up.

Just standing next to Darkwing is a struggle. You wonder, if he even understands what he costantly puts you through, or maybe he finds some sick pleasure in it. Watching you suffer. Is that what he wants? While you live with the responsibility that he put on your shoulders, nothing ever changes for him. This is so unfair.

You will be no surprised if he drags you to the mines to continue working just to please Sentinel Prime right now.

“Can't even look at me. You miners are only good at one thing,” another taunt. His servo reaches to cup your chin, forcing you to look up at him.

The touch is gentler, not the usual roughness you started getting used to. You learned that whenever he is near you, the pain should be expected the next. That's why it's hard not to flinch every time he gets a little too close. This time, it's something different. Your optics closed, as if expecting a punch, a slap, or another bunch of degrading words?

Nothing.

Trembling in his grasp like some sort of wounded animal next to their predator. Obedient, quiet and timid, the cycles he spent to shape you into a perfect doll to play with. But you're carrying his sparkling, the part of him is soon to be born in this world. It is too late to get rid of it, even though some time ago the sound of it seemed tempting. No, even a useless doll like you deserves a second chance to prove yourself. From some faceless miner, you can grow into something more. Better. A carrier.

He can't let you go back to that place; it would be too cruel even for someone like him to let the carrier of his sparkling to continue this. The best thing is, no one would even suspect you were gone. A tragic event, one of the miner bots neglected their health until it was too late.

Sad, sobbing story, but don't worry, being stuck with your ex-supervisor is not too bad. By the all old rules, it's a shame not to claim a carrier of your sparklings as your conjunx.

“You should be grateful that I have better plans to use you, cogless,” Darkwing's hold on you tightened just for a fraction. To make sure you listen and understand his intentions. No other options but to obey. His words echo in the back of your mind.

The act of profference.

Gifting you a freedom, something you wished for and craved so deeply supposed to make you happy. If only it wasn't the same day you lose it.

[pollyanna-nana]

I think it’s so interesting that Kui decided to show us how differences in lifespan affect tallmen and elf relationships from both angles with Kabru and Thistle and also how that reflects real-life abusive situations. And then goes on to deconstruct that by showing how genuine understanding and respect CAN exist between the races with other characters!

Kabru being raised by an elf (who is shown to only have a superficial respect for short-lived races, the same one might have for a pet in a lot of ways) and treated like a child even though he’s in his 20s. After all, a 20 year old elf would be a kindergartener, and Milsiril seems to have a rather toxic combination of overprotectiveness and dehumanizing tendencies that leads to perpetually seeing the children she raises as children, even well into adulthood for their race.

And yet, we see with characters like Otta that this doesn’t have to be true of EVERY elf (nor should it logically be, especially those who spend actual time around short-lived races.) For all the jokes made at her expense I actually think it’s really interesting that she’s also canonically queer since recognizing the agency and maturity of short-lived races is in itself a type of queerness in elf society from what we’ve seen. Senshi too, as funny as his misconstruing Chilchuck as a child is I think it’s really important that he realizes his mistake and rethinks his assumptions on short-lived races following his example. It doesn’t HAVE to be the way it is, but it will take work on each side to improve things.

Then on Thistle’s end… woof. Complete opposite of Kabru, it was difficult for the tallmen of the golden kingdom to comprehend how someone in their, like, 60s could still behave like a teenager and chalked that up to a personal and moral failing rather than literal differences in biology (kind of an autistic mood but that’s a conversation for later.) It’s just as disturbing as Milsiril’s treatment of the children she adopts really, since they explicitly didn’t want an adult that could exert their own agency and control over their situation. And the thing is it’s not like that’s totally uncalled for, the previous points show how a non-insignificant number of members of long-lived races do genuinely see short-lived races as inferior, or are otherwise ignorant, like with below.

It ended up working out just how they wanted, because Thistle’s child-like innocence and singleminded desire to make the only family he had happy meant he was never going to do anything he didn’t think would help them… which then backfired, because of course it would. It’s overcontrolling and manipulative parenting, but with the added spice of lifespan differences and magic. Kabru ended up detesting the elves that raised him and wanting nothing to do with them, and Thistle basically had a massive breakdown trying too hard to please everyone. Infantilization vs adultification, as some have said, with predictable results.

[00king-kai]

The Amazik Dijotal Ccircus

Breaking down the parallels and lore implications of the characters and their "Evil Big Top" counterparts

⚠️Spoilers ahead⚠️

for episode 5 The Amazing Digital Circus

This one is the most cut and dry for me since she's the newest addition to the circus and the one we've spent the most time with since she's the main character. It's very clear to me that the "Evil" Pomni is a very loose representation of what Pomni wishes herself to be. Her dream in episode 2 really spells out her insecurity of not being "cut out" to be in the circus. She's new and doesn't understand the circus like she assumes the others do SO it makes sense that her counterpart is cool and confident.

I don’t think this is necessarily her opposite but rather a physical manifestation of her intrusive thoughts. The shot we get of evil Ragatha taunting Ragatha is framed from a perspective of her being the little devil over her shoulder. Beyond that, we get a very small glimpse into her life before the circus coming from a rich family with an overbearing and abusive mother. This is probably where she got her toxic positivity traits from either to uphold a family image or to not end up like her mom or both.

This one could easily be taken as "this polite awkward weirdo is the complete opposite of the over-the-top arrogant a** hole we know jax to be" and while I definitely think that’s true I think we can do a little better than that. This episode we got a lot more insight on Jax than we have before, specifically his insecurities. The corn, the maid dress, the loss of a close friend. As Zooble comments, this episode got to Jax more than anything else and I don't think that stops here. In a merch video put out a few days after the episode Jax gets put in a maid outfit again and when Gangle complements on it he brushes her off but adds that she's right and he does look good in it which is exactly what evil Jax says in the episode it's even in the same voice. I think that like Ragatha and her counterpart evil Jax isn't just the opposite of him but the real him underneath the sarcastic “i don't care what you think” persona we know Jax to have. (and yes I know it's not fair to use something outside of the show to justify this but Caine did say it was canon lol and it's not much of a stretch since Breaking down Jax's was was sort of a theme in the second half of the episode)

this one is a little more tricky than the others since Gangle's evil counterpart is technically not even there. However, I think there's still some interesting things to take away because of her absence anyway. We got confirmation this episode in the bar scene that Gangle's chosen adventure was basically an exaggerated speed run version of her real lived experiences before the circus. She makes it very clear she doesn't see her life as all that remarkable and specifically how she assumes afterwards that everyone hates her for how she acted without even bothering to check if it's true. So we can assume she was kind of a loner, what few friends she did have she pushed away and isolated from. Honestly, not all that different from Ragatha's characterization this episode assuming one mistake completely shuts you off from that relationship. This leads me to draw two conclusions about her not having a counterpart this episode. This is a team sport and since she was never really a part of a group before now so she was excluded like she probably was in real life or she views herself as disinteresting so of course Caine wouldn't think to include her. But really he's just feeding into her insecurity to torment her.

Apart from the part where Zooble punts the ball directly into bazoobles face being absolutely hilarious. This is one I feel is also pretty interesting because in episode 3 half the episode was dedicated to a therapy session for Zooble where they opened up about their insecurity but then Caine just didn’t use that. Apart from being a good ally, I think there's more to it than that. Until episode 4 Zooble had been pretty effective at avoiding the adventures while this was only because Caine allowed it hoping that by respecting her space she would want to go on an adventure if he just made one that was good enough it still worked. I dont think Caine actually knows all that much about Zooble yet since she was avoiding him so long. Even if it's that he can't remember because “that problem has already been solved” It still shows a massive blind spot and flaw in his programming and character. He doesn't know what Zooble is insecure about, he just knows that Zooble won't go on adventures for some reason but why wouldn't they? You'd have to be stupid! So that's exactly what he does makes Bazooble dumb. It's how he sees Zooble rather than how they are which brings some interesting implications considering kingers counterpart. (also interesting to note he didnt force Zooble on an adventure till Kinger said "ill sit this one out and Zooble can go in my place" almost like giving permission? but thats for another theory)

This one can probably be the easiest to write off being that Kinger is just sweet and well meaning and basically a father figure for Pomni at this point. If not for episode 3, Kinger and Caine have known each other for a long time. Definitely before he went crazy. I just think it's very interesting that if it’s not just an opposite to Kinger, why does Caine see Kinger as such a bloodthirsty hot headed evil superpower? i think that it has something to do with the things we learned in episode 3 but this post has already gotten really long so ill put it in a different post soon thanks for reading this far <3

[pruneunfair]

The relationship between Penelope and Eckles: A bad ending scenario.

Readers of the popular manhwa/novel "Villains are destined to die" are well aware of the dynamic between Penelope and her first choice for survival, Eckles and many claim that it is a toxic relationship, which it is, but what REALLY makes it not only toxic but also a bad ending scenario for the characters? A lot of people shift the full blame to Eckles for bringing Yvonne/Leila back to the Eckharts, thus putting Penelope in danger, but he isn't the sole person to blame.

The relationship in its simplest form is of a slave and his master. Their first meeting involves Penelope purchasing him from a slave auction for 100 million gold, and she makes it clear to him that he is still not a person in her eyes. The whole purpose of Penelope buying Eckles was for her own survival, yes but she doesn't try to hide what she sees him as: A pet or a dog that she is training to obey her every command.

Since Penelope is the slave master in this dynamic, she holds all the power that determines the fate of Eckles depending on if he obeys or disobey's what she wants out of him. Though she may be the most hated member of her household, she is still is the one with the money she used to purchase a human being or in her view a "pet"

The thing with Penelope that makes it harder to defend her when she does the things that she does is that the new soul in her body is originally from the modern era. She of all people should know better that slavery in general is one of humanities most disgusting crimes against itself and of all else, she has experienced severe abuse at the hands of her family, both her original family from the modern day and the Eckharts.

Penelope's own experiences and how they play into her abuse of Eckles.

As I'm sure we all know. Penelope was originally a poverty stricken girl who was barely getting by before she was adopted and welcomed into her new family when she was 12. Despite duke Eckhart being the one to adopt her, he does a half-assed job at it and pretty much gives up on trying to do anything more than the bare minimum when she supposedly starts acting out.

Her new brothers are no better than her original brothers and they absolutely despise her, seeing her as a shallow replacement of their lost younger sister and Penelope secretly wishing that Yvonne would either die or never come back did not help her case at all. Reynold would blame her for petty thievery to get out his frustrations on Penelope and Derrick was both lusting after her while wanting to trap and hurt her at the same time. The entire house family as all essentially a death trap where something as little as fork could kill Penelope. In general, she had no one she could trust and would be victim blamed if she ever voiced her concerns or even anger for her treatment.

However, when Penelope/ Cha Siyeon purchases a seemingly loyal Eckles, she doesn't believe that she could ever be at fault for being the master of a person who has been broken down so badly that he is essentially a blank slate for what could be considered grooming. Aside from Cha Siyeon being 20 and Eckles being 17, (which while that could be an interesting story to tell, I doubt that was meant the main point of why the relationship was abusive given that the body of Penelope is the same age.) The reason I believe that Penelope groomed Eckles is because even if you say, "But Penelope is also 17-18" Grooming can happen to anyone, children are the most vulnerable to it of course but it can also be applied to anyone around the abuser's age.

Grooming overall is taking somebody who is incredibly vulnerable and in need of care and exploiting that person by manipulating them through a built of trust to get what the abuser wants out them, which is usually sexual gratification but that's not what I think Penelope wants out of Eckles, what she wants is the safety she'll get from securing a good ending with one of the male leads and Eckles is the easiest to earn affection points from. The dynamic between them though is still under a huge power imbalance, where Eckles would not be allowed to say no to her no matter what she asks of him.

At first, Penelope thinks she is already doing a good job by doing the bare minimum for Eckles which at first includes not doing things that a lot of slave masters did to their slaves which you probably guessed, isn't really that worthy to earn an applause for not whipping a man. Besides, while Penelope hasn't been shown to be physically abusive, that doesn't mean she sees him as someone worthy of respect.

Below is a basic summary of what Eckles is to Penelope in panel form.

Penelope is essentially asserting her power over Eckles by reminding him that she has the power to send him back to slavery if she feels he is disobeying her.

If that alone isn't messed up, she is also given a ring that has the ability to paralyze Eckles if she presses it.

I don't think enough people realize how disgusting the choker and ring really are. If someone really wanted to, this ring could be used to paralyze Eckles, and he wouldn't be able to anything to stop the ring holder from doing whatever they want to him. I would say that he is extremely that Penelope's goal isn't sexual gratification but really, we shouldn't be congratulating a slave owner for not sexually abusing their slave

When the audience sees that Penelope is praising Eckles instead of verbally abusing him, defending him from other guards that see him as lesser, and buying him new clothes and a sweet new sword, it is believed that Penelope is already breaking the cycle of abuse by what is essentially love bombing Eckles, which is a common step in the grooming process that is typically used so that the victim will have a harder time recognizing the abuser as abusive when they think back to all the adoration they showed for them in the past.

Remember, Penelope is not doing these nice things for Eckles because she wants him to feel comfortable or because she loves him. She's doing it for her own benefit: Her survival. Later on, when their relationship progresses, it seems like to some level, that Penelope starts to enjoy the power she has over Eckles, not just in the form of relief that she feels like she'll be safe but also as a twisted form of power that she finally has for herself. Everyone from both of her lives treated like absolute shit out of pure hatred for her or in Derricks case, as a sick way to distract himself from the fact that he wants to cage Penelope and keep her as a hidden wife. This would be the first time Penelope had control of really anything at all, a human being, I do believe that the big reason Penelope doesn't acknowledge that she's hurting someone is because Eckles is "willingly" serving her, obeying everything she says, seemingly not minding that she sees him as a pet, and calls her master, that she technically isn't doing anything wrong because ECKLES is the one who wants it even though he is a 17 year old slave who wouldn't be allowed to hate her even if he wanted to. She can't possibly fathom that she is an abuser because Eckles, a person who has been broken down so many times that he sees no value in himself as a human and only as Penelope's pet, is the one telling her she didn't do anything wrong.

while the goal of surviving the game isn't unreasonable, Penelope seems to justify EVERYTHING she does with her own survival. As I said, she isn't the type of person who wants to admit she's become exactly what she hated, this is most obviously shown in recent chapters where she tells Eckles that the reason she attempted suicide was because of him and that if she knew she would have to see him again, it would have been better if she actually died.

She is completely ignoring the fact that she played a huge hand in dehumanizing Eckles as nothing but a tool and when that tool feels to have lost its purpose, she breaks his collar that was initially used to control him, setting him free which represents the toxic relationship beint broken off while still thinking of the person bitterly when she wishes Eckles well with his new master (Leila)

Eckles as an abuser.

Now before I get accused of painting Eckles as a soft lil victim who did nothing wrong. He, like Penelope, is not a perfect victim.

Since he has no human rights, the best way for him to survive is to do what his master wants even if he hates it. Eckles has been shown to fantasize about doing the same thing to her by trapping her by bringing Leila back to the mansion (He was brainwashed but I'm pretty sure Leilas powers work best when the feelings she's looking to amplify are already there.) and betraying his own people just so he can gain a commoner status and an excuse to force Penelope by his side.

Over time, he develops hatred for Penelope alongside his obsession for her. While he is categorized as a yandere, I believe that the reason Eckles "loves" Penelope is because he really just loves the idea of hurting her the same way she hurts him. Whenever this is because he thinks that abusing each other is just a way of expressing love, or if he genuinely wants to hurt her back as a form of resentment. He too, wouldn't be entirely opposed to abusing Penelope by isolating her and forcing her to rely on him and only him, perhaps even killing her himself, thus repeating the cycle of abuse yet again.

In general, this relationship was doomed to fail no matter if it was Penelope sending Eckles back to the auction house or if Eckles succeeded in defeating Callisto, It serves as a bad ending where nobody had to be better and take responsibility for their behavior. Penelope could continue enjoying the power she has over Eckles while Eckles isolates her and becomes violent enough to keep her away from everyone else in the outside world.

[mellohiizz]

wanted to talk about odyssey duo and my um. view on their dynamic and relationship.

probably going to be a pretty long yap, but i really wanted to talk about them since there's been some talk about them after the last uu video. it caused me to think deeper into their relationship and i wanted to write it down.

(putting it here just in case: not targeted at anyone. just yapping about the codependent silly guys that i hate.)

the thing about odyssey duo, to me, is that yes, they are in some ways unhealthy. they're codependent and messy. but that doesn't mean that they're "toxic" or their friendship is not working.

they're both flawed characters with destructive traits. parrot is dry and unable to express his emotions properly, which leads to misunderstandings over his intentions. wifies is not a saint either, he's stubborn and can get very pushy when it comes to his own decisions. (insisting on dean leaving without explaining anything and trying to do it without parrot knowing, burning the compass to forcefully keep parrot from going to farlands)

but the main thing about them to me is that if you really look into it, they're both trying to make it work. they do care about each other and have both shown it more than once in different ways.

they both did and said things that aren't great. but it doesn't make one or the other good or bad. yes, parrot came out quite cold and uncaring a couple of times, but it doesn't automatically makes him a bad person, or means that he's mistreating, or even 'abusing' wifies in any sense.

if we're pushing it to that point, you could say wifies also used parrot in a sense of wanting to feel human and wanting someone who would 'want him back' without knowing his real self. (im being dramatic with this, obviously)

parrot comes off as uncaring because of how dry and unable to show his actual emotions he seems to be. which is a valid character trait considering how often he just couldn't because of the circumstances. parrot is someone who's very goal oriented. when he needs to focus on something, he locks in. it's the only thing he thinks about and everything else goes to the back of his mind.

which also brings me to the point of the way parrot deals with grief. one thing is how often parrot just couldn't express his grief over losing someone. he grieved luigi, yes, because it was one time he actually was allowed to take a little bit of time to actually process the fact that someone died in front of him. and even then, instead of fully allowing himself to grieve, he had to focus on other things.

same goes for dean. dean's death was pretty much shock value for both parrot and viewers, and parrot tried to grieve him too. but during it, he was interrupted by literally the number one threat at the time.

so of course when another loss comes into picture, parrot doesn't allow himself to grieve him. he acknowledges his loss ("your leader just killed my best friend"), but there was no time for him to actually let himself properly grieve wifies or even allow himself to react. they were in the middle of dealing with the mafia, and he needed to focus on that instead.

we only see the impact wifies' death had on him by the end of the episode. where he does listens. he lights the beacon despite expressing his indifference to them the whole episode. that, once again, shows that he does care.

he was hesitant on letting wifies go through with joining the mafia in the first place. he agreed because he trusted wifies to be safe and know what he's doing. it was already shown to us that wifies is parrot's weak point. he tried so many times to keep wifies away from the danger simply because he didn't want to lose him. back in the video where clown was hunting parrot, there was a very clear parallel between branzy being clown's weak point and wifies being parrot's. the difference in that was parrot knew clown wouldn't have hesitated to kill wifies.

they both changed the ways the go about things for the other. they care, but unfortunately, they were doomed by the narrative. the universe screwed them over by putting them into circumstances where they just wouldn't have worked it out.

in conclusion, because this is already very long, yes, odyssey duo are messy. they're not the healthiest duo, and they do have issues. but they tried to overstep those and work, and that's what i like about them.