#tov’s thoughts

[ivanttakethis]

Tov’s OC Intimacy Levels

Based on the character intimacy percentages from the art book.

This covers Tov’s intimacy levels with other characters she has notable relationships with or is connected to in some way.

Inspired by @lookatmysillies’s Character Intimacy Levels posts: Part 1 and Part 2.

Himei (100%) - If soulmates exist, I believe we are a pair. There is no me without you. I would give anything to change your fate.

Tallis (100%) - You see me in a way no one else does. I cannot hide from you, but I find that I don’t want to. It’s okay if it’s you.

Nyx (90%) - My bothersome little brother. You’re stubborn in your belief that you are not worthy of love, but I’m more stubborn in proving you wrong.

Dian (80%) - Although you can be a persistent thorn in my side, you’re one of my closest friends. You keep me in check and I return the favor. I know you have my best interest at heart.

Moran (75%) - I miss our talks and the time we spent together and your views on the world. You were so much more than a puppet waiting to play their part. We are tied together in the stars.

Flor (60%) - Your heart was far too kind for a cruel world like ours. I try to view your death as a mercy. I don’t know if it’s working. I miss you.

Solei (59%) - Thank you for allowing me to be your shadow. I will always keep your secrets. Hopefully we can meet again one day.

Aurien (57%) - I know you were the one who made our class’s star charts. I appreciate you sharing them with me. Please stay safe, fellow stargazer.

Wren (50%) - There’s something odd about you. I suspect you know more than you let on. Despite that, you were there for me at my lowest, and I’m grateful.

Lang (40%) - Tallis and Nyx loved you so much. Over time, I came to care for you too. I wish things could’ve been different.

Stasya (39%) - More than an acquaintance. A friend perhaps? You didn’t deserve what happened to you. I hope you’re drifting in a nice river somewhere.

Azure (30%) - It is not lost on me that this odd fondness I feel for you only runs one way. Even still, I do not regret mourning you. Your life and death were never a waste of time.

Akane (20%) - I’ve always respected you as my senior. Maybe we could’ve been friends. I see you every night in the moon.

Castor (18%) - I often found you to be annoying and unserious. But you were very important to Nyx, so I tolerated you. I hate how badly you hurt him, but we both know there was no other way.

Elias and Prem (17%) - I still don’t understand why you’re risking so much to help me. Is my benefactor really that important to you? I guess I’ll find out soon enough.

Lark (15%) - Even though I know there was nothing I could do, I still feel like I failed you in some way. Did you know I was there when you were dying? I held your hand the whole time.

Minori (10%) - I’m sorry. I should’ve looked. I should’ve dignified you in your last moments and I didn’t. It is one of my biggest regrets.

Daiki (8%) - I’ll never forgive you for how you spoke about Tallis. But I understand wanting to live for someone you love.

Noora (6%) - You were always such a sweet girl. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand what made you snap. I’m sorry about Lark. Are you together now?

Min (5%) - You saved Himei’s life. For that alone, I am in your debt.

Cirrus (5%) - We have very similar backgrounds. If we spoke, I think we’d find that we have a lot in common. Part of me knew it would end this way.

Tagging: @lookatmysillies (Himei, Tallis, Castor), @rockwgooglyeyes (Nyx, Dian), @geospiral (Moran), @sotogalmo (Flor), @solei-eclipse (Solei), @aurienneirua (Aurien), @its-langgg (Lang), @billwasnot (Stasya), @azureitri (Azure), @aakaneeee (Akane), @kamersona (Lark, Noora), @minori-dash (Minori), @daiki1k (Daiki), @starry-skiez (Min), and @yunoftheclouds (Cirrus).

[sparx-artz]

Them💖

[shalom-iamcominghome]

I would like to say that I don’t necessarily think you’re wrong for feeling rage. I am an almost fully converted Jew (got about a month or so before I’ll be official hopefully) and part of stepping into my identity as a Jewish person is having to feel all of the feelings good and bad. I’ve actually had a conversation with my Rabbi about these feelings because somedays when I read Jewish history I feel viscerally angry at the people who hurt us, who have wronged us in just about every way imaginable and at people now who won’t listen to us or care about us when we are hurt and killed. However, its simply a part of working through becoming Jewish. I think where these feelings become bad are when you allow them to make you hateful, but obviously this is not your case. Seek out your community members you are close with and talk to them, online or offline. It helps to feel seen and know that your feelings are valid, because they are.

Thank you for your time, your thoughts, your consideration, and your help. It's so amazing that you have decided to open up and... I guess coach me through this. I feel guilty primarily because it feels like I am intruding, that I haven't earned my place in my anger. However, I feel that way about everything, and it's not helpful to divulge my harmful coping mechanisms and throw away my feelings.

I want to take what you've said to heart. I've tried being open with my shul (pretty much my only irl jewish community), but it's hard, and I want to make more of an effort. I had a great talk with my rabbi a few weeks ago, and I'm so grateful it was this community I found. Anyway... This is such a beautiful ask, and I am so thankful to you and for your company. I'm going to try and be better about this. Judaism can't be practiced or felt alone, and I need to get better about that

[tales-of-sweets]

Zagi's Tragic Need For Validation

I don't think that Zagi became obsessed with Yuri the moment he met him or that an interesting fight alone was what motivated him to chase Yuri the ends of the earth. I believe he was out for Yuri's blood, yes, but not for blood's sake but instead because of what it symbolized... This is a headcanon/interpretation that I've probably talked about a million times before, but I'm thinking about it again! Since it chronologically references the events of the game and includes sources/examples it's pretty lengthy so I'll put it under the cut!

The first time he meets Yuri he's on a job and, while it seems to be the first worthwhile fight he's had in a long while, he leaves willingly when he's called to retreat (well, willing in the sense that this is the only time we ever see him retreat mid-battle while he's still in perfect fighting condition).

The next time we see him he's on yet another job, eager to kill "something", his choice of words even with Yuri right in front of him and they seem to recognize each other.

Zagi doesn't actually seem to acquire any fixation on Yuri at all until after the second battle, specifically after he's defeated... and Yuri compliments him. Even after what we can clearly see Zagi believes is a failure on his part (worth noting that in the official translation he says "...I-I retreated..." instead of "...I-I'm finished..." even though they both convey a similar feeling.)

From this point forward, we never see him taking another job or working with Leviathan's Claw. Hunting down Yuri appears to have become his full time fixation. Zagi to me seems like an incredibly lonely man. He is isolated by his own abilities and his inability to relate to others in a meaningful way. He has reached a level of skill that few can comprehend, let alone match (things that are corroborated by this skit here:

He takes pleasure in killing and victory but has not known the rush nor the bond of a fair fight in so long. For all of his hooting and hollering about wanting to kill Yuri, I don't think that's exactly what he was truly getting out of this whole thing. I don't think that's actually what he was chasing. That was the first time he'd found someone on his level and that was the only time Yuri ever complimented him so to me it seems like what he's really chasing is that same high of validation. A connection. He wanted Yuri to come at him with full force, to find joy in their fights as he did, to connect with him... but he only got that the one time. All future instances involved Yuri dismaying at his presence, swatting him off like a pest, fighting him only to remove him as an obstacle. So many of his lines feel like validation seeking, not only in the form of wanting friendship, but more in the way of just wanting to be recognized period. For example:

He tried to make himself stronger, augmented himself, taunted him, but there was always some bigger issue that held Yuri's attention, something greater than him. To me, that played a huge role in why, in the end, he had to make himself Yuri's priority even if it meant destroying himself in the process. While the whole "you can't break the seal without my arm" bit is a little contentious (poor wording? an outright lie? mistranslation?), the truth of the matter is that, in a last ditch effort, he made himself Yuri's number 1 priority. He was now an important part of his quest, not just an annoyance to be brushed aside. Yuri had to take him seriously now.

And when, at last, he was defeated, he thought maybe then Yuri had seen his value and worth, that at last their fight had resonated with him.

Of course we all know how that ended. While I have many issues with the way this ending was handled, I think we get some interesting insight from it that I believe lends some credence to this interpretation:

I think it's worth nothing that almost everyone expresses some sort of sympathy and understanding towards Zagi in the end, except for Yuri. While it is a very valid and plausible interpretation to think that Yuri still doesn't care even after his death, I personally choose to consider the fact that Yuri, as we have seen time and time again, is not very upfront with his emotions and is not always the quickest to admit when he's wrong. I think he could see the tragedy of the situation, I think he could recognize that he really hadn't understood Zagi's intentions, and it's my personal theory that that's precisely why he took a more forgiving approach when confronting Duke in the end. I cannot, in any way, fault Yuri for not stopping to befriend the guy who, for all intents and purposes, seemed intent on killing him. But I also can't help but see the tragedy of the situation from Zagi's perspective. Raven states that something changed after Zagi met them. While it's hard to imagine him as an upstanding citizen or pleasant person to begin with, he probably wasn't always like this.

Raven lends a little more insight too, one of the skits following his demise:

Yuri, Duke, the Don (not shown in the screenshot, though Raven does reference him and Belius), they were held together by the bonds they shared with people who understood them. I think there could have been a chance for Zagi to have turned things around, not let his obsession with Yuri consume him to this degree. Hell, I don't even think it's improbable that he could have become an ally, put his energy into something more productive (as Yuri put it several times over). I don't think Zagi was always doomed to this fate, I think he just met the wrong person at the wrong time.

[glimmerofheaven]

I just know Estelle would make Rita a friendship bracelet especially to reassure Rita that she won't ever forget about her no matter how far apart they are. In a modern setting, I think they'd have those matching cellphone charms too. Rita gets Estelle matching things too, but you know she's gotta make up a whole reason as to why she got it making it seem like she didn't go out of her way or anything. ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

[somacruising]

Duke Pantarei’s Room Quotes

GENERAL QUOTES

“I have no intention of cooperating with you people. I will walk the path that I believe in...”

“Swordsmanship practice? If you intend to study my technique, you’re wasting your time.”

“I will leave you to your business. I would prefer you leave me with mine.”

“Our situation is merely a quirk of fate.”

“I have had the opportunity to come into contact with human activity. I shall continue my observation.”

DAILY GIFT QUOTES

Day 1: “...You’re here.”

Day 2: “You’ve returned.”

Day 3: “Humans are such strange creatures.”

Day 4: “I will not interfere with you. So do not interfere with me.”

Day 5: [Day 2 repeated]

Day 6: [Day 4 repeated]

Day 7: “You’re an odd one. ...Take this.”

[driftwooddestiel]

my sister made me ride down to get gelato with her (gelato store is about 2 ks away) despite the fact its like 35˚…. gelato was nice but my bike turned out to have no charge (its electric) so i was dying the whole way there but didnt realise it was out of charge, had to stop and sit down on the way back and now im home and red overheating and very sweaty 💔 and discovered the charger was turned off hence why it was so tiring . moral of the story dont go for bike rides in 35 degree weather you will boil

[transflynnscifo]

not that ive seen cg yet but i know enough about it to be aware of the fact that there is Some basis for ppl comparing that and vesperia

and i think the thing is that unlike suzaku and lelouch, flynn and yuri are able to skip any insane chessboard plays until theyre both 21. they almost could have had smth brew when they were 17-18 had only joined the knights but yuri instead got jaded enough by the experience that he quit and had essentially remained stagnant for a few years

not that either yuri or flynn are the pinnacle of maturity when theyre in the game, but based on enough context clues from the game's text (and if you so choose, side content backs things up too) its clear theyve at least mellowed out in some capacity.

as a whole yuri as a tales protagonist and party member in his own game is in an interesting position age-wise. most jrpg characters always go through a coming-of-age journey of some form, but yuri doesn't, because hes already old enough (the coming-of-age journey instead arguably would go to estelle, really, as she holds more traits of a naive protagonist) AND YET! yuri isnt the pinnacle of maturity. he goes through things, but hes a rarer and more unique case, one where we follow a young adult who is trying to find what he actually wants to do with himself.

the ramble could continue but i am limiting it here. ker blam

[piracyandpumpturns]

masc cis girls x femme enbies thank u very much

[shoutsindwarvish]

i’m officially a member of my synagogue!!! 🥳

[kingdomoftyto]

I never did mention, but I finally beat Vesperia! It was okay--a more than solid rpg, but not one of my personal faves from the series. The plot was pretty standard for a Tales game--maybe slightly more deus ex machina-y in the final act, though I may just be forgetting the most egregious things from some of the other titles. Rita stands out as my single favorite character (to no one's surprise) and honestly probably one of my faves overall for the series. Judith was also pretty fun, and I liked Raven's story arc even if it felt a little clumsy or confusing at times. And obviously the Yuri-Flynn dynamic/relationship/tension pretty much carries the entire game.

Speaking of which, I've already devoured a week's worth of Fluri fanfiction (impeccable ship portmanteau, btw) and have a whole stack of longfics still waiting in my Marked for Laters. They're so stupid and noble and good for each other, I love them a lot. I'll have to rec some of these later if I think about it.

(I also found out yesterday that there's a heckign FEATURE-LENGTH MOVIE about the two of them as knights-in-training, which!!!!!!!! guess what I'm watching tonight)

Anyway. Glad I finally played it! Not sure it quite lived up to my expectations, but then again I think Arise simply raised my standards to an absurd level lol, so it's not entirely Vesperia's fault. It also would've helped if I'd been any good at using Yuri in combat, but alas,

[ivanttakethis]

Tov’s Thoughts

These are some of Tov’s thoughts/observations/opinions on some of her Anakt Garden classmates.

I can add to this list later if someone wants Tov’s opinions on their alnst ocs!

Himei ( @bluemoonscape )

Himei is the classmate Tov considers herself closest to.

Similar to Himei, Tov is only in Alien Stage because her guardian was kind of pressured into it. I think they would bond over that while in Anakt Garden.

Their shared love of constellations is how they first start talking.

Would probably exchange books for each other to read.

Tov’s view of love is based solely on how she observes Himei and Tallis acting toward one another.

They WILL judge you together btw.

Both Geminis 😎🤝😎

Tallis ( @bluemoonscape )

Tov only knows him through Himei.

I don’t think they’d talk much when hanging out since they’re both quiet. Himei does most of the talking but they’re happy to just listen to her.

He’s observant and she’s observant, so I’d imagine them just… observing each other, observing each other (“he looks at me and I look at him” type beat).

Tallis is really good at music composition, while Tov is definitely not. She would watch him during class to learn, but wouldn’t approach and directly ask him to teach her.

Tov clocks Tallis’s love for Himei immediately.

She likes listening to him play music, especially when he plays original pieces.

Gemini (Tov) and Sagittarius (Tallis) are compatible signs for friendship.

Moran ( @geospiral )

Tov thinks Moran is a fascinating person to observe.

She never goes to Moran for advice directly like her classmates, but she often listens to what Moran tells them.

Tov always favored science and didn’t give a second thought to matters like philosophy, though Moran makes it sound interesting (if a bit existential).

Tov appreciates Moran’s bluntness, even if others think it’s rude.

She sees Moran spiral from time to time, but Tov doesn’t think they’re close enough to ask about it.

Gemini (Tov) and Libra (Moran) have high friendship compatibility.

Azure ( @4listr )

His lack of interests and seemingly bland nature has bewitched her. She wants to know more about him.

Tov finds his blunt and short responses oddly refreshing (considering how much her guardian likes to talk).

She follows him when he sneaks off to practice singing alone (sorry Azure, you cannot escape Tov’s watchful gaze). She thinks he has a nice voice.

Once Tov finds out Azure loves looking at the stars just like she does (suggesting that he does in fact have a passion for something) she’s like, “hm! interesting!!”

Tov notices that Azure thinks a lot, but she isn’t sure about what… yet.

Gemini (Tov) and Cancer (Azure) have decent compatibility, though they would be considered an unexpected pair. I think that fits.

Flor ( @sotogalmo )

Short girl solidarity (Flor is the least intimidating person for Tov to stand near).

Tov sort of has this “instinct” of knowing Flor came from the same breeder, making them possibly related.

They would read each other’s writing for fun.

She sees Flor as a younger child than her, but she doesn’t treat her differently like others might.

Tov doesn’t mind when Flor wants to play with the silver clips in her hair. She does mind if others (except maybe Himei) try to.

Gemini (Tov) and Libra (Flor) are very compatible for friendship!

Solei ( @shakingparadigm )

Tov 🤝 Solei (having heart issues). They talk whenever they’re in the clinic together.

As kids they would take naps together during break time.

Tov always found Solei to be a very interesting and cool person and liked being in their presence.

She would sometimes follow them around like a shadow (get it? because Solei is like the sun—).

Wants Solei to consider her a friend, but doesn’t know if they do.

Tov noticed Solei’s paranoia slowly increasing the closer they got to graduation. It troubled her, though she didn’t say anything.

Saw/heard something the night Solei disappeared. Hopes they’re okay wherever they are now.

Gemini (Tov) and Pisces (Solei) have good friendship compatibility and balance each other out.

[consuetudinari0]

Shem Tov ibn Shem Tov and Kabbalah Defense

The Sefer ha-Emunot (Book of Beliefs) is a work authored by Shem Tov ibn Shem Tov, a Spanish rabbi and Kabbalist who lived approximately between 1380 and 1441. First published in 1556 in Ferrara, Italy, this text is a pointed critique of the philosophical rationalism of its time, particularly Aristotelianism, which had influenced Jewish thinkers such as Maimonides. Abstract: This manuscript…

[tarpitbell]

9:16

I thought I was tagged because my OC made appearance in someone's writing.

But looks like I was wrong.

Why even fucking tag me

Why did they tag me

My OC didn't show up. So I don't think that I should read it

But it seems it's not the end for her (not my OC), so 👍

Good for her

Even though Nothing Will Ever Be Fair. Since these are OCs for Alien Stage; and alien stage will never be fair

[daiki1k]

I’m drinking tonight.

GOD IM SO SORRY FOR DAIKIS REACTION. soon.

Round 7 - Tallis

Music had always really been the only thing holding Tallis together.

It made up every aspect of his life. Even his friendships were born from music. It was his passion.

When he was a child with a guardian who screamed and made his ears hurt when he made a mess or fiddled with something she didn't want him to, he retreated into lonely silence, curled up in his crate, massaging the soft places on the side of his neck where he imagined his ear canals ran down in the winding thicket of muscle tissue, veins, and tendons.

Introducing instruments to Tallis's life was the one good thing Guardian Kele had ever done for him. He wasn't stupid. He knew they were only there to occupy him, to make him do something useful, but the distraction was all too welcome to turn down out of stubborn disdain. The sounds he could produce from his instruments were different than the raised, screeching voice of his guardian. They didn't make his ears or head hurt. They didn't make him want to crawl right out of his skin, or tear his own eardrums out so that all he could feel was the soothingly warm, sticky slide of blood from his ears. They made pretty sounds. He pressed their keys and pedals, plucked their strings, and they thanked him with a melody.

He often thought that music saved him, because if it weren't for music, he would've never been sent to Anakt Garden, never would've escaped that lonely house or met Himei. Music saved him from a life of meaningless solitude.

Ironic, was the last coherent thought he managed on stage. Ironic how it's going to kill me.

He couldn't pinpoint where the bullet entered when the music stopped, or where the second did. All he knew with any certainty was that he had been right. He knew he was fucked from the first.

White hot pain kicked in after the initial shocked jolt of his body. His entire torso screamed with it, and there was blood soaking through his shirt, soothing, warm. He must've dropped the mic on his foot because it smarted too, in that superficial way you think things hurt until you feel something like this.

His limbs were loaded with lead. He was suddenly so tired. But he didn't want to sleep. If he was terrified before, he was in a state of cold panic now.

I love you, Himei had told him the night before, crying into a kiss that couldn't be anything close to romantic with all the fear they poured into each other. I love you, Tov had told him backstage, clinging to him like he was already slipping away, and to her credit, he was. He'd been silent for a few seconds before he managed to croak it back to her: I love you too.

No matter how hard he tried to stay standing, it was no use. He sank to his knees, and the only reason he didn't faceplant altogether was because there was something there to lean his head against. It was no use wondering if it was real or a figment of his imagination.

His vision blurred. Someone might've said something to him, but he didn't know what. Everything was going white.

"Sorry," he slurred into the immovable object, not to it, but to Himei. And Tov. And Flor, and Nyx, and Lang, and Sai, and Khoi, oh, I would've loved to sing with you, he thought deliriously. He thought of everyone he never knew needed him and came to the sickening realization that they did.

But he couldn't hold onto that thread of thought for very long. It faded right alongside the rest of it. Some familiar melody lulled his mind.

He went still where he slumped against Daiki.

(I'm sobbing ANYWAY Tov belongs to @ivanttakethis, Daiki belongs to @daiki1k, Flor belongs to @sotogalmo, Nyx belongs to @rockwgooglyeyes, and Sai and Khoi belong to @bittersweet-adagio. Should be noted that Tallis was close with Stasya, but since Stasya has already passed, Tallis doesn't feel guilty for leaving him. EDIT: I FORGOT TO ADD LANG AND TALLIS LOVES LANG SO HAVE A @its-langgg LANG)

[matan4il]

The other day, I went with my rl bff to the Jerusalem branch of the Museum of Tolerance for an exhibition on the Hamas massacre.

This is the sight that greeted us. "Esthers of the world, rise up!"

It's a poster celebrating two women whose families had lived in Iran, one is Jewish, the other is Muslim, and both women ended up being murdered due to the Islamic regime of that country, even though the Jewish woman's family had escaped Iran and fled to Israel after the Islamic revolution. The face of each girl is actually a composite, made from many smaller pictures of her people who have lost their lives because of the Islamist regime of Iran.

I knew this right away, because I have shared a piece that was done about the poster and how it came to be almost 2 months ago. 

"You don't understand!" my bff (who works as a teacher) said, all emotional, "She," my friend points to the Jewish girl on the left side of the poster, Shirel Haim Pour, "is the cousin of one of my students."

There is zero distance in Israel between us and the Oct 7 atrocities. 

We go in and join the tour of the exhibition. The guide tells us it was built jointly with Malki Shem Tov, who is a well known name in Israel, if you work at a museum. Malki founded a "creative visual solutions" company with his brother Assaf, through which among other things, they helped build many Israeli exhibitions over the years. "His son..." the tour guide starts to say and I don't need more than that for something to click in my head. I know so many of the names, faces and stories of the hostages, and so Omer Shem Tov pops right away into my mind. I didn't make the connection before, but now I can only imagine what it meant for this father to work on an exhibition that recounts, among other stories, how his son was victimized and robbed of his freedom during this massacre.

There is zero distance in Israel between us and the Oct 7 atrocities. 

The opening wall has a huge time stamp, 6:29 in the morning. 

The tour guide doesn't have to explain this number to Israelis, or why it's designed to look like an alarm clock display. We were all woken up on that fateful Saturday morning by the alarm clock of Hamas' rockets. And it doesn't matter what we thought or believed the day before, as the full scale and horror of the attack were starting to become known along Oct 7, we were all woken up.

There is zero distance in Israel between us and those atrocities. I know this, and still it strikes me, again and again.

There's an area dedicated to the pictures of one photographer who went to the south soon after the massacre. I knew some of them already, like the pic showing the bodies of 13 elderly Israelis, who were on their way to a tour of the Israeli south on that Saturday.

Some are new, like the pic of the door handle in one bomb shelter. I stop for a second, because now that I've moved into my new place, it hits me that the bomb shelter door was made by the same company. Suddenly, I feel like I'm inside the picture in a reality where the terrorists took a slightly different route on Oct 7. The door was photographed from inside the bomb shelter, and the bullets that pierced it, they had to have hit the personal holding it shut. The handle has blood stains on it, and it's broken off. I can only imagine how many hours this person held, and how much force they had to use, for that to happen. I know one thing, even without knowing exactly who this bomb shelter belonged to... If this person was on their own, they would have probably ended up surrendering rather than keep fighting to hold on to the handle this desperately. This was likely someone trying to keep their family safe. 

One note retrieved from the body of a terrorist is on display. It says everything about the motivation of the monsters who committed these atrocities, and every word is purely motivated by antisemitism and religious zeal. The note is actually not in Arabic, as it may first appear, it's in Farsi, the language spoken in Iran, hinting at the source, the Islamist regime there, which doesn't care about the liberation of anyone, it aspires to create a global network of fanatic terrorism.

The translation: "You must sharpen the blades of your swords and be pure in your intentions before Allah. Know that the enemy is a disease that has no cure, except beheading and uprooting the hearts and livers. Attack them!"

There is a section dedicated to women's stories. The exhibition visitors spread out to watch the testimonies, each on a separate screen. It's a not like a forest, you can't really see it for the trees, and it's another moment of feeling overwhelmed because we can't truly get it. It's just not comprehensible, facing so many stories about intentional, face to face cruelty, brutality, sadism and joy in it. Mali Shoshana tells the story of how she tried to play dead while lying shot in a pool of her own blood, but her body wouldn't stop shaking, so she somehow turned on her side to the wall and knocked her injured knee against it, causing herself to pass out from the pain. It saved her life. Ricarda Louk tells the story of the last message they got from her daughter Shani, trusting she was right and there was nothing for them to worry about. Then Ricarda's son started screaming and crying, because he saw the same vid many of came across on that day, of his sister being dragged into Gaza stripped down, mutilated, abused, molested and humiliated, while Gazan civilians were celebrating the public degradation of her body. And there's more and more and more. "You can come back and continue to listen," the guide promises as he moves us to the next segment, but the truth is no matter how many stories I've listened to and absorbed, it still doesn't feel like enough.

There is a wall with the head shots of the victims in Israel who lost their lives due to this war, whether they were murdered on Oct 7 or since, but it's only been updated up until Mar 27 of this year. Even so, no matter what angle I tried, I couldn't fit in all of the pictures.

Interactive screens allow a geographic telling of the massacre's story. They show maps of Israel's south, with dots on them, red for the murdered, dark blue for hostages, bright blue for hostages who have been returned, grey for the injured. You can tap a dot and read a story. Or you can zoom out and try to comprehend how is it possible for there to be that many dots on the maps.

"From darkness to light," reads the exhibition title. That's the perception of time in Judaism. We always move from darkness to light. And there's a section for the light, for stories of resilience, of bravery, of rehabilitation, of mutual support and caring. Filmed interviews that do their best to summarize an incomprehensible amount of good we've seen in response to an incomprehensible amount of evil. It features people from every demographic in Israel, and in that way also serves as a reminder of just how diverse we are as a society.

This part, I think to myself, was included for visitors from abroad. We Israelis, we know.

There's one story I know already. Tomer Greenberg, an Israeli officer, rescued on Oct 7 baby twins from the carnage. He was later killed fighting in Gaza. Like a puzzle, I've heard this story from several angles, including from Tomer before he died. This movie features an interview I hadn't heard yet, with the volunteer paramedic that Tomer handed the twins to. Shalom, this medic, talks about how they clung to him desperately as they got to be fed and feel safe and cared for again for the first time in what's estimated to have been 14 hours. I'm sitting there, thinking of those babies crying, not understanding why their parents aren't coming to feed them, and I don't know how to deal with this.

Shalom shares that the experiences of Oct 7 have inspired him to try and become a combative soldier, something that wasn't on the cards for him before that. I wonder again at people who can act like subjecting an entire (already traumatized) society to a sadistic massacre can liberate anyone.

And I understand Shalom fully. When your family is in the pits of hell, there's nowhere you want to be other than there, with them, doing what you can, rather than sit and watch helpless from afar. Most people would say he did a lot on that day. Shalom must have felt like that still wasn't enough.

At the very end, visitors are invited to add their own little piece of light, through neon notes and pens on which they'd share their thoughts. Nothing feels like it can sum everything I'm thinking and feeling up, but not writing anything feels worse, so my bff and I add a few of our words to the notes.

I don't have any profound conclusions for this post anymore than I did for my note. I just know that this still hurts, that we're still losing people daily, that we can't begin to heal, because we're still in the middle of the wound being inflicted. But I also know that we WILL heal, that even if the wound can't be closed yet, our collective immune system kicked into action on Oct 7 already, that we will continue to share the pain and the comfort and the care, and this massacre and war will probably never stop hurting, that we'll never be the same, but eventually we will be alright. Where people choose to care, there's just no other option.

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