#touchrepulsion

[rjalker]

[ID: Two versions of the same pride flag. The first is square shaped, the second is wider and shaped like a rectangle.

The flag has six horizontal stripes of, in order from top to bottom: light grey, gold, orange, red, black, and dark wine purple.

End ID.]

November 19th 2022. Here's a PDF, slightly shorter version of this post and HD versions of the flags on the web archive. Here's the archived version of this post.

For everyone else who never experiences the supposedly-universal experience of “touch starvation”, I am coining two terms.

_____

First I am coining the term "solitaremit", to describe people who are touch averse and do not ever experience touch starvation.

Solitaremit is a combination of "solitary" and "hermit" because it's easy to remember and straight to the point, and doesn't exist anywhere else on the internet yet, so it can't be mixed up with anything else.

Solitary + hermit – the Y and H = Solitaremit

Soll-ih-tair-eh-mit (or met, it doesn't really matter)

_____

I am also coining the term "gregariable" to describe people who do experience touch starvation.

Gregariable is a combination of "gregarious" and "sociable" for people who do experience touch starvation, whether or not they're touch amiable or averse. This word also does not yet exist on the internet, so it can't be confused for anything else.

Gregarious + sociable - the ous and soci = gregariable

greh-gair-ee-uh-bull

_____

Solitaremit works as an adjective the same way as touch averse/touch repulsed do. IE: "It is solitaremit, it doesn't like being touched and doesn't get touch starved" “they are solitaremit”

Same with gregariable. "They are gregariable, they get touch starved." "I am touch averse and gregariable, I don't like being touched, but I still get touch starved"

_____

Solitaremity would be used to describe the thing...I can't think of the grammar word.

Example:

"Most of the stress 'caused by' solitaremity is caused by gregariable people refusing to respect solitaremit people's boundaries or existence." “I am researching solitaremity for a story I'm writing so I won't be ableist by mistake.”

I have edited tags related to solitaremity into all my posts about touch aversion, so you should, in theory, be able to search my blog for this word right now on the day I'm posting this and find stuff.

I have no doubt these terms will be shortened / streamlined as time goes on. That's perfectly fine, this is just something to give us a fucking foundation to at least stand on.

_____

List of the new terms:

Solitaremit / solitaremity / solitaremisia

Gregariable / gregariality

Solitaremit: Someone who does not enjoy being touched, and never gets touch starved. EX: “Murderbot is solitaremit, it never wants to be touched. Solitaremit representation in fiction is very rare, and it's even rarer for it to be handled respectfully.”

Solitaremity: “Solitaremity is treated as something to be ashamed of, because gregariable people are more common, are self-entitled, and have no fucking compassion for others.”

Solitaremisia: Ableism directed specifically against solitaremit people.

Bigotry against touch-averse people in general is called athiktomisia.

Gregariable: Someone who gets touch starved / desires touch, whether or not they are touch averse and would actually enjoy the touch.

Gregariality: “Gregariality is treated as the universal experience, unfortunately for those who are solitaremit, who are shamed for being solitaremit from the moment they start expressing discomfort with touch.”

_____

What do the flag colors mean?

I picked colors commonly seen on poisonous/venemous animals to ward off attacks. Monarch butterflies and other insects that eat milkweed for the yellow, orange, red, and black, poison dart frogs for the purple, and cottonmouths specifically for the light grey.

_____

Can I use this pride flag for art?

Yes. I'm the one who made it, and I say it's public domain because fuck capitalism. Use it for literally anything you fucking want. Credit is not even necessary, though I will ask that, whenever possible, you include an image description, as well as sharing HD images of the flags with those who don't have them.

_____

Some suggested tags to use or look through are:

solitaremit

actuallysolitaremit

actually solitaremit

solitaremitiy

canonically solitaremit characters

solitaremit characters

solitaremit positivity

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Who can identify with these terms?

Gregariable: Literally anyone who experiences touch starvation.

Solitaremit: Anyone who is touch averse //and never// experiences touch starvation.

_____

This term is //specifically designed// to be //exclusive// to people who do not ever get touch starved, and never have any desire to be touched whatsoever, //specifically// so that we can have tags and other things to search without being overwhelmed by people who are touch starved talking about how touch starved they are.

Other terms can be created for people who only very rarely experience touch starvation or anything like that as a spectrum, but these terms should not include as a whole or as a part any part of the word solitaremit, so that crosstagging will not occur, even by accident.

Please just create an entirely brand new word that is unique, just as solitaremit is unique. I made sure these words didn't exist yet for a reason.

The entire point of the coining of these terms is so that solitaremit people can find posts by others with the same apparently impossibly rare experiences. Who fucking knows, maybe there's more of us than anyone things.

I am EXPLICITY requesting that people further down the line NOT to create a term like “solitaremitspec” or use “solitaremit spectrum” or anything like that using the word solitaremit for anything other than to describe someone who is touch averse and literally never experiences or has ever experienced touch starvation.

Touch aversion and touch repulsion are already spectrum. If you must coin a new term to describe a spectrum of touch averse experiences, do not include the word solitaremit in it. Please. That's literally all I ask.

I am not trying to be mean, I am trying to make sure the voices of people like me are not drowned out in the future as they are right now, when everyone, /including other touch averse people,/ whether intentionally or not, still push the idea that it is a completely universal fact that every single person ever born craves physical touch from other people, and is going to suffer if they don't get it.

If you experience touch starvation, then speak for yourself, and make sure you aren't drowning out the voices of those who don't.

Also, to reiterate from another post - the only requirement for being touch averse is not enjoying being touched. You do not need to be autistic, you do not need to be traumatized, there are no requirements for being touch averse except not enjoying being touched.

I will be tagging this post as "actually autistic" because a lot of autistic people are touch averse, but it is literally not a requirement for being touch averse.

Also, for the record, being touch averse is 100% a disability. There are so many things touch averse people can't do or can't do without suffering that other people do not even think twice about.

TLDR:

Solitaremit describes people who are touch averse and have never experienced touch starvation.

Gregariable describes people who do experience touch starvation.

(Everyone is welcome to reblog this post.)

[mothicalspoken]

You.

[basaltdelta]

Friendly reminder thing, its ok to be touch repulsed without being touch starved at all :-)

[ithacanradio]

look at this freudian apologism. ace but spiritually posting about milfs nonstop.

lesbian comrade kissing me on the forehead and then saying "oops sorry you might have issues with touch and i didnt ask" is exactly why my issues with touch take a backseat when it comes to nice girls. like don't worry for a sec you made me live in a universe where i had a loving mother.

[dapandapod]

Not just anybody

Hello lovelies!

This one has been sitting in my drafts for a while, partially because it's a little personal, partially because ace week was coming up and what better time to post?

On Ao3 here

Please enjoy some grey ace, touchrepulsed Geralt. It is soft, I promise, he is just confused. <3 (Oh, and @thewitcherbog look, i posted!)

Many people are of the belief that Geralt is lonely. He is not, actually.

Even more think that he is so desperate for a kind touch that he would pay for it. Yet another thing he is not.

Well alright. He pays for company every now and then, but it’s not something he craves.

Truth be told, he doesn’t like to be touched at all. It kind of freaks him out a little. When somebody touches Geralt’s arm without permission, when a long gone acquaintance pulls him in for a hug, it just doesn’t feel right.

It leaves him with an uncomfortable feeling behind his ribs, and he is not sure why. He always feels a little bad about feeling that way too, so the easiest solution is to just… not to touch anybody.

So he touches other things instead. While walking past a tree he might reach up and touch a leaf. Not pluck it, just feel it between his fingers.

The different types of texture gives him a secret kind of satisfaction. Softly as to not break it he would rub it between his fingertips and let go. Sometimes it’s prickly, sometimes smooth.

Sometimes he drags his fingers against Roach's fur and mane. Feel the muscles work under her skin. Sometimes it’s a brick wall or the bark of a tree.

There are times he doesn't mind the touch of people.

Mousesack doesn't give him much of a choice, often clasping his shoulders and knocking their foreheads together. For some reason Geralt doesn’t mind, and is weirdly grateful for it.

Yennefer was also fine, more than fine, actually.

Was.

The way she would run her fingers through the hair on his chest, a sharp nail tracing the line of his jaw. It was all amazing, more than, but one day it just… wasn’t anymore. He can’t say why, but it got to a point where he didn’t feel comfortable anymore.

There are probably a lot of psychological reasons behind it, Triss told him that one day when she made him talk about it.

She is most likely right, he knows, but he’d rather not dwell on it. He is going to live a very long life and the moment he starts dwelling on things, he fears he will never stop.

He knows he is not like everybody else. The other witchers don’t seem to have the same feelings about touch as he does. Back in the days there were things like cuddle piles, no such thing as personal space.

Geralt joined in, or rather... sometimes joined in. Eskel was always the one constant in this. Eskel's touch was always a comfort.

Then there was the presence of Jaskier. Jaskier is a source of endless affection. And prattle. Endless prattle.

Jaskier is unable to stop talking. And if he ever shuts up, he is probably moping. That is never a good thing, and as annoying as Geralt finds his bard companion at times, he still cares.

That fateful day on the mountaintop made him rethink everything.

The time of dwelling has come.

Breaking off with Yen was not ideal, but it was a relief.

Breaking off with Jaskier was not what he thought it would be.

Without meaning to, he had come to enjoy the bard's company, and without him there is something missing.

In the evenings, he finds himself holding onto his own hand, pretending it was somebody else's. His pillow, for hugging rather than a headrest.

When Geralt finally stops his moping and whining and moaning about, he goes to find Jaskier.

Their relationship to begin with is strained, unsure. Geralt did a good job to get rid of him after all. So he goes out of his way to fix this.

He knows Jaskier thrives when he gets attention, affection and casual touches.

So he gives them.

A ruffle of the hair, a squeeze on the shoulder. Because he wants back what comfort he got. And Jaskiers touch is not giving him that squeamish feeling.

When Jaskier realizes that Geralt isn't shrugging off his casual touches anymore, he smiles impossibly bright.

That smile lives in Geralt's dreams for days.

At night by their fire, Jaskier will tuck his feet under Geralt's legs as he props himself up to write in the light of the fire.

Geralt lets him, secretly enjoying it. The scratching of the pen against the page, crackling of the fire, the solid feeling of Jaskiers feet under his thigh.

What changes things again is when Geralt returns from a hunt.

It was a tough one, he comes back exhausted and full of potions. It feels like the nerves are on the outside of his body.

When he more or less collapses in a heap by his bedroll, Jaskier approaches him.

The hand on his shoulder startles Geralt, and before he can stop himself he shrugs off Jaskiers hand.

“Don’t touch me.” He rumbles, unease building inside him. It’s too much, he is so tired. Jaskier leans back again, away from Geralt and for some reason he misses it immediately. But he doesn’t. It’s a confusing mess, really.

“What’s wrong Geralt?” Jaskier asks softly, sitting back on his haunches, giving Geralt space.

It takes him some time, not sure how to phrase it, or if to say anything at all. But nothing is ever to be left alone with Jaskier around.

“Are you hurt?” He asks, a hint of worry coming through. Geralt sighs.

“I just…. I don’t like it when people touch me.” He admits. Not what he meant to say but it’s the truth.

“But I touch you all the time?” Jaskier looks down at his crumpled form, and all Geralt can do is look back. What can he say about it, really?

They just look at each other for a long moment.

“Should I stop? Am I making you feel bad? Oh Melitele do I make you feel bad--”

“Jaskier, no. Not you, I… Not when it’s you.” Geralt says, staring at the ground. As he learned when talking with Triss, it is hard to make sense of it.

“I can’t explain. I just… can’t. Please stay.” he squeezes out when Jaskier attempts to back away.

He looks hesitant, but sits down properly, far away enough not to accidentally touch Geralt. Something eases in Geralt’s chest, because he wasn’t sure he would stay.

“How can I help?” Jaskier asks softly, and Geralt closes his eyes.

“Would you sing something?”

He is sure to be teased about it, for actually asking Jaskier to sing when all he ever asked before was for him to shut up.

But he doesn’t. There are some shuffling sounds, and when Geralt looks, Jaskier has laid down next to him, staring up at the sky.

Without the lute, Jaskier sounds different. Without an audience, without the pressure to perform, to be perfect, there is just his voice, naked and raw, soothing the sky, the trees, the witcher next to him.

Geralt unbuckles his armor in silence as best he can, and falls asleep with Jaskier's calming presence next to him.

It takes three days before Geralt brings it up. Mostly because Jaskier didn’t, but he feels he owes him this much. And possibly because Jaskier hasn't touched him as much.

“I don’t like it when people touch me.”

Jaskier looks up at him, giving a small smile.

“You said.”

“Some people are alright. Safe.”

Jaskier says nothing, just keep looking straight ahead as they walk side to side.

“Jaskier.” Geralt says, stopping him with a hand on the shoulder. The bard turns to face him, and if he is surprised that Geralt is touching him, he doesn’t show it. Geralt purposely lets his hand stay there.

“I’m not pushing myself to touch you.” Jaskier looks sceptical. “Alright, maybe a little. But it is because you are...safe to me. You feel right. I see how much it means to you, and I want to give that to you. I might not be able to always, but I’m trying.”

Jaskiers gives him a sad smile that Geralt doesn’t quite understand.

“You don’t owe me anything, Geralt. You are not responsible for my happiness, and if it causes you discomfort, I will not ask that of you.”

That’s not it. How can he possibly explain?

“It doesn’t.”

Please don’t stop touching me.

“I… I like what we have. I like you touching me, I like you allowing me to touch you too. I... If I say no, you listen. Mostly.” Geralt says, trying desperately to be understood. It has never felt this important before. Jaskier gives a little smile and Geralt takes that as a success.

“I barely understand this myself. I can’t predict who works and who doesn’t but, you deserve to know. I don’t want to push you away again.”

“You won’t, my dear. Will you tell me if I become too much?”

“You know I do.” Geralt smiles, relieved, squeezing Jaskiers shoulder a little, because he knows it makes him happy. “And would you… uh. I’m bad at asking for things.”

“I know.” Jaskier smilles fully now. “I think this is the most I have heard you say in one go, probably ever.”

“Hush you. I’m trying to say, don’t hold back around me.”

“I will do my worst.” Jaskier grins, and Geralt can’t help but to grin back.

Truth be told, Geralt doesn’t like to be touched. It kind of freaks him out a little. When somebody touches his arm without permission, when a long gone acquaintance pulls him in for a hug, it just doesn’t feel right.

He touches other things instead. While walking past a tree he might reach up and touch a leaf. Sometimes he drags his fingers against Roach’s fur and mane. Feel the muscles work under her skin.

Sometimes it’s a brick wall or the bark of a tree.

Sometimes it is his bard's hand, his hair, his back.

Because Jaskier isn’t just anybody.

[arodrwho]

[rubs my filthy asexual hands all over jon sims but like metaphorically bc we’re both touchrepulsed to some degree)] he’s MY archivist & u can’t have him.

[apocalypsebi]

yeah im touchstarved and being touched would be nice as hell but I'm also stuck in this body and I hate it and touchrepulsed and I'll break hands and kick if someone even considers touching me

[jaysworlds]

[ID: Pacha from the emperor’s new groove making the okay sign. end ID]

freddie “touchstarved” kerrin finally gets to be close to someone; nearly has a panic attack over it

hes a himbo i love him a lot

for the record alexei is somewhere between touchstarved and touchrepulsed which is a really fun combination and he is having a GREAT time of it :D

taglist: @the-orangeauthor​, @harryw200​ @roman-sm1th​ @lunewell​

oh my god is it still friday??

ive missed the past like. six? or so because my memory is HORRIBLE but i remembered!

i have a tiny snippet to share this week, if only because i want to share SOMETHING and my brain is kind of offline so here!

The ground was going past them very, very fast, the glass of the road nothing but a blur beneath their feet. Freddie found that watching it made him feel mildly nauseous, and he turned and buried his head in Alexei’s back instead.

This was the closest he’d been to Alexei since they met, and quite possibly the closest he’d been to anyone in quite some time. He could hear Alexei’s heartbeat pounding in his chest, could feel the bandages wrapped around his back through the thin tunic he was wearing.

Perhaps if they weren’t being pursued Freddie would have more time to think about it, and probably enough time to overthink himself into a panic, but as it was he just did his best to focus on Alexei’s breathing in an attempt to calm his own.

happy friday!

No worries, lovely! We'll always be here! :D

THE YEARNING IN JUST A FEW PARAGRAPHS!!!!!

keep it up!!! you're doing GREAT!!!! :D

[rjalker]

here's an example of just one of too fucking many to count athiktomisic posts that show up in the touch repulsed and touch averse tags. You know, the places where people who are touch averse are supposed to be able to go to avoid shit like this??

Anonymous said:

Prompt idea: touch repulsed (unless iniciated themselves) aroace and touch starved aroace try and navegate a platonic relationship in a middleground

the post was tagged:

#writing prompt, #prompt, #aromantic, #aroace, #touch repulsed, #touch starved, #friendship, #vaguerel, #submitted

link to original post. Archived link, since I hope the original will be deleted at some point or at least edited to be educational >:(

I am attempting to make this post as short and simple as possible.

Here is the simplest way I can possibly explain why this is ableist as shit:

The only so-called "middleground" between someone who is touch averse and someone who is asking them for touch, is the touch averse person suffering.

There are no ifs, ands, or buts about this.

If you ask touch averse people to "negotiate a middleground" between respecting their boundaries and causing them harm, you are doing nothing but causing harm.

Why is it always touch averse people who are forced to "compromise" on their boundaries?

Why is it always touch averse people who are fucking demonized for having boundaries?

That's what this prompt is doing, intentionally or not. The entire premise of this prompt is "a touch averse person exists, and that causes problems for other people".

Why is it always touch averse people who must negotiate and compromise on their boundaries?

Why is it always the touch averse person who must suffer for the sake of others?

[Plain text: "Why is it always the touch averse person who must suffer for the sake of others?" End plain text.]

Stop writing stories like this. Stop asking others to create stories like this. Stop fucking perpetuating the same ableism touch averse people face their entire fucking lives.

Let touch averse people have boundaries that no one ever fucking asks them to compromise on.

Let's frame it this way:

Say you don't want to be thrown into lava, but someone asks you to "negotiate a middleground" on that boundary.

This compromise, you are told, will still literally involve you being thrown into lava, but apparently, it's okay now, because you're being shamed into agreeing to it. What are they compromising on, you ask? Well, nothing! Literally nothing. They get everything they want, you lose everything you need.

Would you be happy with this arrangement?

Would you feel happy and safe and respected by being thrown into lava, or shamed for refusing? Even shamed even when you are thrown in?

No?

Congratulations! Now you have an idea of the kind of shit touch averse people have to put up their whole life!

If you actually want to respect touch averse people, don't even fucking ask us to compromise on our boundaries. If you wouldn't demand a sex repulsed person have sex with you just because you're horny, don't demand a touch averse person to touch you just because you're touch starved.

[Plain text: "If you actually want to respect touch averse people, don't even fucking ask us to compromise on our boundaries. If you wouldn't demand a sex repulsed person have sex with you just because you're horny, don't demand a touch averse person to touch you just because you're touch starved.". End Plain Text.]

End of fucking line.