dapandapod

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Got reminded again of my old coworker who was a massive misogynist but also trans inclusive. Told me he believed trans women are indeed women because "only women would be stupid enough to want to be women"

I wonder what he's doing now

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Theresa dons Cuman armor and brings Bianca to safety

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If I could see you, once more to see you

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Swimming trunk mishaps

Happy birthday @firefly-party my lovely wifi!! Truthfully, this is not the actual gift, but a mini one to cover up my poor poor time management... Based on true events, read more about that on Ao3.... WELL anyway, enjoy this little madness <3

On Ao3 here

Eddie has never been to a waterpark.

First of all, chlorine is terrible for the metal look. Secondly, swimming trunks are superior to speedos. Alright, that depends on the person, but mostly, no, speedos are a sin not even Eddie will commit.

Steve, however, is welcome to.

From the shade of a parasol and with a sugary, overpriced drink in his hand, Eddie watches over his sunglasses how Steve stretches before diving into the pool. He is not the only one watching, go figure, but sue him, it's a nice view.

Eddie is perfectly happy wearing trunks, however, black one with skulls, thank you very much.

The water park they are in has two diving towers and three water slides, a kiddie pool where Eddie very graciously pointed Dustin and the gang (who ignored him) and an exercise pool, where Steve of course started their day.

Robin is to Eddie's left, sipping her own drink and looking at the people around them.

"We are a looong way from Kansas, Toto," Eddie smirks, noticing how Robin's gaze follows a brown haired woman in a black swimming suit.

"Shut up," Robin hisses back, smacking him with the book she was pretend-reading to and fro for the last twenty minutes. "And stop staring at Steve. It's gross."

"Nah," Eddie's smirk turns into a grin. "We are here to enjoy ourselves, are we not?"

Robin mock gags, then immediately stops as the brunette from before turns to look at her.

Not long after, Steve makes an appearance again, hair slicked back and skin glistening in the sun, which is a kind way of saying he is sopping wet.

"Bet you don't dare go down that water slide," Steve challenges them both, and Eddie makes a show of looking down his nose over his sunglasses.

"Not everybody lost their brain cells in high school, baby," Eddie drawls.

"Lost mine to Russians," Robin says easily, which is a wild thing to say, standing up and putting her things aside.

"Fiiiine," Eddie sighs, then suddenly sprints towards the line to the waterslide to be there first.

A life guard yells at him not to run, but Eddie makes it before the other and stands in line victoriously.  When the other two catch up to him, Eddie gives a graceful bow.

"Ladies first," and allows Robin to step in front of him. "You too, princess," Eddie winks at Steve, who rolls his eyes and brings his speedo-covered ass before Eddie in the line, just as planned.

Which in this case means having Steve's well shaped ass at eye level as they climb the stairs to the... admittedly very, very high water slide.

The speedos in question have been traveling, to Eddie's complete delight, but Steve soon ruins the show.

He pulls at them, and for a moment Eddie sees more than any bystander should see, before snapping back into place, decidedly out of ass crack territory.

Of course Steve notices him staring, to which Eddie feels his face flush as Steve smirks at him.

As much as Eddie bickers and teases, Steve never shoots him down, which gives him a thrill each time, and pushes him to grow bolder.

Some time ago, Steve came to terms with liking both genders, and since then, Eddie has upped his game.

From the top, Eddie can see most of the park. He notices Dustin, the little shit, stealing Eddie's towel and running off with it. As Robin gets into position on the slide, getting instructions from the staff on how to sit, Eddie plots revenge.

Robin falls down the slide with a loud "IIIIIIEEE" sound, and they both watch her flail as the slide lunges her into the air for a few seconds, before landing with a big splash.

Steve is next in line, all long, tanned limbs as he sits down, the water rippling over him as he sits as instructed.

Just before sliding down, Steve turns to give Eddie a wink, which almost makes his heart stop, then Steve is gone with a whoop.

Eddie watches him go with decidedly less flailing, and Steve makes a half turn before he dives into the pool below.

"Alright sir, please sit down like on the picture and hold on to the handles until the light is green," Eddie is told by the bored employee. He sits down, water cold against his skin, and the current strong.

The drop is... more significant when you sit in this angle, but Eddie swallows hard and grits his teeth. No more Eddie the coward.

When the light turns green, Eddie pulls himself down the slide. The water splashes up on his face, hitting him in the face and making him splutter.

The extra speed from hoisting himself forward puts him off balance, and the ride is decidedly less graceful than planned. He feels himself shift, the currents tugging at his hair, his trunks, water finding its way up his nose.

The last dip before the slide angles up to toss him into the air, Eddie realizes he's in trouble. Apparently he doesn't have enough core strength to keep his torso straight, and he feels himself fold in half, knees coming up somewhere around his ears. For a moment he is airborne, and his back stings as he breaks the surface with a loud splash.

The world goes muffled and loud, and it takes him a second to locate what is up and what is down. He manages mainly by someone grabbing his arm and tugging him upwards, and with a gasp to rival any mermaid, Eddie emerges, hair sticking to his eyes and face, making breathing so much harder.

Steve quickly pulls him away from the landing area, and not being a water creature, Eddie clings to him. So much for having all his brain cells.

"You alright, man?" Steve asks, and Eddie nods, dipping his head under water to slick his hair back and out of his face instead.

When he comes up again, Steve is grinning at him, but not the good kind of grin.

"So. Got some manscaping done, huh?" Steve asks, and all the color drains from Eddie's face.

He thought  the pool was a little too cold, that his legs were a little too free. Looking down only confirms it.

Black skull trunks gone .

"Fuck fuck fuck, shit, Jesus, fuck, shit," Eddie mumbles, like the wordsmith he is, letting go of Steve to cover himself with his hands, looking around desperately for his swimming trunks. There is no way he can get out of the pool like this, and fucking Dustin took his fucking towel, shit!

"Didn't think I'd get to see that before the third date," Steve says casually, and Eddie's neck does a turn that would make the girl in The Exorcist proud,  staring at Steve in complete and utter disbelief.

"I just showed my entire ass and then some to the entire water park," Eddie informs Steve, as if he wasn't there, because maybe he wasn't, or he landed on his head somehow.

"Yeah, man. Never quite saw that diving style before. Ass first, family jewels second. You need more sun, you’re way too pale."

Eddie opens and closes his mouth a few times, and is saved from a comeback when Robin comes over to them with, thank Christ, his black trunks with skulls.

"I think I prefer no brain cells to no swimming trunks," Robin says cheerily, decidedly not looking in his direction while holding up the trunks somewhere to Eddie's far left. "This is why I'm gay, by the way."

"Hey," Eddie protests, snatching the trunks from her and struggles to put them on without hopefully more people noticing.

"Me too," Steve grins, meeting Eddie's eyes again, and Robin mock gags, back still turned.

They don't go down the slide again, but Eddie manages to take his vengeance on the towel thief by breaking into Dustin's locker and dipping all his socks in water before putting them back and locking it again to cover his tracks. He is a professional after all.

He is about to leave when Steve comes into the changing rooms, quickly looks around, and pulls Eddie into one of the small, messy bathrooms.

He doesn't protest, allowing himself to be tugged along, and when Steve locks the door behind them and pushes Eddie up against it, kissing him deeply, Eddie protests even less. Warm skin pressed against his own, hot lips teasing his open, swallowing the low groan that escapes him, Eddie is dizzy with the turn of events but he sure as fuck is not complaining.

They can't stay long, but Steve holds him there long enough to get his point across, Eddie's hands on his lower back, just teasing the hem of his speedos. Steve shows no such mercy, he pushes a leg between Eddie's knees and dives his hands into his trunks, palming at Eddie's ass.

"Been wanting to do that for months ," Steve murmurs against his cheek, giving a pleased sound as Eddie returns the favor, grabbing the globes of his ass and grinding against him.

"Got some catching up to do, baby," Eddie agrees, feeling himself grow a semi, which is not a good thing while in a water park.

After a few minutes, Steve lets him out, but remains in the bathroom to cool off.

Robin eyes Eddie suspiciously when he returns, most likely noticing how his lips are swollen and how he is walking three feet off the ground with giddiness.

"Ew," is all she has to say about it, and when Steve comes back out with a matching look, she repeats it, louder. "EW."

All in all, water park day was a success. Dustin managed to put on one sock before noticing it was wet, Robin somehow (read; Steve's fantastic wingman skills) got the number to the browned haired girl she was drooling over most of their visit, and Eddie, well.

Eddie is having a visitor over tonight.

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i’m so genuinely lucky to be dumb as hammers. the simplest things bring me joy. i’ve had several fits of passionate laughing out loud today because i can’t stop thinking of the phrase “one william dollars”

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it was not on wheat...

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i see a post talking doom and gloom about how we'll never escape toxic masculinity. i think about back in 2017 when american girl released their first boy doll, and a review for him went viral in the collecting community. the review was written by a mom, who said they went into the store to get their daughter a doll, only to see their son's eyes light up like fire when he saw a doll that looked like him, and now every night he puts his doll in pajamas and rocks him to sleep. i think about the toddler in my daycare room a few years back who was obsessed with baby dolls, carrying them everywhere, and his mom proudly told us he uses his sisters' old baby dolls and wants to be just like them. that toddler saw another toddler crying one day and gave her the doll he had to cheer her up. i think about the eight-year-old boy i saw a few years back, excitedly waving around raya's sword in a target checkout line like all his dreams were coming true. there was a video on my instagram the other day of a little boy at disneyworld crying with joy upon meeting his hero, mulan. i think about the voice actor for bow in the she-ra reboot saying his nephews only wanted adora action figures. celebrity men are wearing dresses on tv now. last halloween i saw a little boy dressed as elsa. i went to go see spiderverse over the summer, and in the line ahead of me was a boy who couldn't be older than twelve or thirteen, bouncing and beaming, giddy with excitement over getting to see the female-led romance movie elemental. i think about the five-year-old boy at my library who breathlessly asked me where the pinkalicious books were, eyes widening when i had more on my cart, his mom explaining that he is all about pinkalicious and fancy nancy. i saw so many pictures online of boys and men dressed in pink to see barbie. teenage boys are gonna open their phones and see the man who wrote fucking game of thrones dressed in pink to see barbie. when i was a kid, a boy dressing in pink was practically a social death sentence. there are boys running around in pink on my street right now.

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✨ The Mercy of Magpies 《喜鵲之恩》 ✨

3...2...1... takeoff! 🚀 @ash-and-starlight & @ranilla-bean here to launch our project for @zukkabigbang2024 🐦‍⬛🐦‍⬛

Rating: M Fandom: Avatar the Last Airbender Pairing: Sokka/Zuko Chapters: 8/15 Beta: @faux-fires

Tags: Alternate Universe - Space, Space Opera, Depictions of Violence, Minor Character Death, Dilf Zukka, War, Han solarpunk, loosely inspired by Red Cliff (dir. John Woo), Decolonisation, Ghosts, the narrative is haunted, Getting Together, Slow Burn, eventual sexual content (i prommy), BBL Ozzy, thematically relevant magpies, interplanetary old man yaoi saves the galaxy

Summary:

In the XXXth span of the galactic war against the Phoenix King, the Avatar, Master of the Four Elements, summoned his trusted advisor to his side… Avatar Aang, prosecutor of the long war against the Fire Nation, tasks General Sokka with the recruitment of a secret friend hidden on his old home planet Emptiness II, razed a century ago. There, Sokka finds an impossible community, where peoples from all quadrants of the galaxy have taken root—headed by the Phoenix King’s own son Zuko. As he comes to trust them, Sokka becomes invested in the community. But war is barrelling towards them, and he must harness the spark between himself and Zuko to save Emptiness II… and the rest of the galaxy.

check out the rest of the chapter 1 art here!

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Someone else has got to have done this I swear

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-

Patreon | Ko-Fi

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feels like fake news

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My skinny scientist guy of choice

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Jayvik fantasy au, started because I wanted to draw Jayce with a big sword and now I want a whole story with 100k words, slow burn, angst, friends to enemies to lovers

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Yeah Mr. Darcy’s proposal was a complete turd and a half but you gotta understand. You got your life together. A good career, stable income, retirement plan, all that shit together. And you meet this girl. And she’s everything. Clever, outspoken, funny, calls you on your bullshit. Grade A cutie, right? And she doesn’t go out of her way to spend time with you but she’s nice, and sometimes you catch her looking your way in a way that makes you think you might have a shot.

But her family. Holy shit.

First off, it’s p much ALL women, and mostly UNMARRIED women, which at this time means of something happens to her dad then you’re financially responsible for like. Four grown ass adults, potentially forever

Because mom in law is DEFINITELY gonna need someone to take care of her when dad in law kicks it, and they have like. NO money. So already you’re accepting that if all goes well, you’re gonna be one random old bag’s retirement home. That’s expensive and exhausting, yeah? Imagine asking someone on a first date knowing that if they say yes and things go good her high-strung chihuahua mother is gonna move in with you. IMAGINE.

And girly’s other sisters. Well, one is a sweetheart, yeah, and she’s getting engaged so she probably won’t be an issue, but that still leaves two more, and those ones are INSUFFERABLE. Never went to school, dumb as rocks, spend cash like it’s toilet paper

And while one of ‘em’s young still and might grow out of it the OTHER one is actively torpedo’ing her entire family’s reputation by wandering off with random dudes and chasing ass. She’s never gonna work, she can’t build connections, she’s a fucking sinkhole, and she’s being led on by the same goddamn con man ass leeching tit who’s been bleeding you dry while telling anyone who’ll listen that your family is full of ratty thieving bastards.

And if he dumps her after a week- WHICH YOU KNOW HIS BITCH ASS IS GONNA- you’ve got a SECOND UNMARRIABLE GROWN ASS ADULT TO PROVIDE FOR. And you KNOW she’s gonna be a tantrum-throwing little shit about it, and it’s not like you can lock her in the basement or something, you’re gonna have to bring her fucking. Everywhere. And give her an allowance and shit while she contributes zero, because again, she NEVER GOT EDUCATED AND HAS NO MARKETABLE SKILLS. She’s not even good to TALK to. FUCK

And you’re looking at this girl’s father like “please for the love of fuck get your spawn under control, marry them off, get them working on their résumé, learning to sew or be nursemaids or manage staff or SOMETHING, yall got no money and one foot in the grave” and that old man just laughs like “haha yeah, what can you do. lol”

So you’re looking to the mom and finally it’s making sense how she got that twitch in her eye and as MUCH as she is you’re starting to realize she’s the SMART one, desperately throwing her armloads of girls at random men like they’re a bunch of fucking lifeboats bobbing around a sinking ship, like yes Jesus Christ sweetly that life boat IS old and ugly and kind of boring but for FUCKS SAKE PICK ONE

And you look back at this girl who is ALSO REFUSING THE LIFE BOATS BY THE WAY and god damn it she’s still the most radiant thing you’ve ever seen so fine, fuck it, Christ alive, you’ll do it. You’ll shoot your shot. She’s everything you’ve ever wanted in anybody abut it’s not even just about that anymore, it’s about being her best fucking shot at a future, and even if she doesn’t like you all that much she’s still gonna say yes and that might break your heart a bit knowing it’s about the money but who knows, maybe it will at least be civil, or companionable, and even if she doesn’t LOVE you at least you’ll know she’s well and cared for

And so you’ll do it. You’ll take on the neurotic stress mess mother in law, the absent father, the broke ass wingnut no brain no money no future airhead sisters, the bad mannered relatives and the embarrassing behaviour and the impending future of sharing your entire shit with a clown parade of freeloaders, you’ll risk it all and accept the absolute certainty of financial ruin and emotional exhaustion for the rest of your whole ass life and you’ll make your own family deal with it too, you’ll do it, you’ll fucking DO IT, you stupid lovesick motherfucker

And so you go to this chick like “look. Your whole family’s a shitshow. You’ve got fucking nothing and you’re gonna die on the street. But for some reason- and I don’t get it either- I’ve fallen in love with you, and I wish I didn’t, but I did, so I’m telling you that whether you like me or not, I’ll give you everything. I’ll give you everything even if it’s the dumbest shit I ever done. Fuck my stupid Baka ass, I’ll marry you.”

And she looks at you- having heard or considered absolutely none of your months-long internal debate and monologue- and goes “The fuck did you just say about my family, you son of a bitch?”

And the shock of that is enough to jolt you back into a reality where you are able to actually hear and process what just came out of your damn mouth And yeah

Yeah, I think I kinda get it

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never forgive trigger for what they cut

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hey ao3 can you like give the extra $38k you made from this month’s funds drive to charity