#touch that thing ur holding
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i literally walked into this space knowing NO ONE, sat off to the side and told them, "I'm sorry, I'm like a cat. I have to just watch for a second, then I'll socialize more." and like. the entire group was just like YEAH MAKES SENSE. no one took it wrong. they just let me observe until i was ready to mesh in more. and now almost two years later I am now burrowed so deeply into this troupe that i wouldn't have the friends or opportunities i have without it.
#bat rambles#sometimes you just have to dive head first into shit and hope for the best#and like not to sound Vain or Full of Myself#but i know it helps that people think i'm really fucking cute so any weird or like#unhinged / fucking FERAL behavior they're just like#omg bat you're SO cute n quirky#like it's the curse of the manic pixie dream girl but like#in a space where they know i'm ND and they all like#have vast network of friends who AREN'T neurotypical#and also where most of them are queer#i don't feel like it's in a MPDG type way#it very much feels “yeah bat just does that sometimes” kind of way but they like#find all of it endearing#and i know that bc they know my OCD is really bad#we went thrifting two days ago and my two friends i went with dug through the bins for me#so i didn't have to touch anything#and if i pointed at something they'd dig it out and hold it up#no complaints they just were like yeah bat has OCD#in fact one of them was like YEAH I FEEL LIKE SUCH A BUTCH RN#i was in the most cottagecore lesbian outfit in the world and was like#yeah babe and i'm your lil lipstick lesbian who would rather kill themself than#touch that thing ur holding#but yeah throw it in the cart i think it'll fit my other girlfriend or their girlfriend
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cant stop thinking about this silly dog i saw on twitter the other day, reminded me of him for some reason. The Animal 🐖
#i would link a source but it was a repost account so. idk whose ouppy this is im so sorry#also FIRST TABLET DRAWING RAAAAAAAUGH 💥💥💥 MY HAND HURTS SO FUCKING BAD FKJDHG#i gotta get used to holding a pen like that...#my arm keeps doing muscle memory Dont Touch The Screen thing but. it's ok relax man this isnt even a touchscreen#you can rest ur arm it's fine#it's so funny that desktop medibang was so hard to get used to bc i genuinely just didnt understand the software#was anyone gonna tell me you can move the red square to move your view... i've been using the scroll bars this whole time#WAS ANYONE GONNA TELL ME I FORGOT MY FUCKING PEN CORRECTION-#NO WONDER MY LINES FOR THIS SKETCH WERE SO SHAKY KGJFHG#also i forgot to fix the anti-aliasing so umm just pretend this is pixels like usual ok.. i couldnt tell#i dont have my glasses on and the screen is juuuuust a bit blurry anyways. didnt notice till i zoomed in to do his eye </3#yay doodle <3 i love coloring on this thing it's so fun#awa#umm im gonna leave this nonrebloggable for now bc i feel nervous for some reason#might change it later bc this was really fun
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I see in my mind's eyes green and red having some conflict early on because red really likes physical closeness and touch but green has a lot of compulsions/intrusive thoughts about being clean/cross contamination. Which unfortunately are usually a little valid when it comes to red considering reds complete lack of concern for those things. At least as children.
#when theyre older red understands and makes sure to wash his hands before getting all touchy#but ik as kids hed go from playing in rhe dirt to immediately trying to hold greens hand and green is aghast#greens ass was not camping on his championship journey#prize money spent on hotels. i know it.#green js akso accomidating in her own way thkugu. when they were young he hated how close red would get and would shove him away sometimes#but now she has more control over the whole “my brain is tellijg me everythng is dirty” thing and he can indulge in some giving of affection#cbt can save green. and love. both can save her#she went through a lot emotionally when she initially realized red lived on a mountain with no running water#i like to think they hugged anyways after talking. even if green did feel a little insane after when he realized#how long it had been since red last showered properly. its fine.#tfw ur navigatikg the complicated friendship turned rivlary turned “im goikg to live on a mountain” turned friendhsip ahain#but also both copimg a liyyle cause ome of u has been touch starved for the last 5+ years and the other js fighting autism demons#reguri#i hsge so many thoughts.
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when you have a crisis over whether or not a kiss scene is needed to make the yearning and reunion and pent up emotions that much more meaningful or if it is better to have them commit small fleeting touches and nuzzles and trembling eyes and
#sophie talks : as fate would have it#this is about the soulmate!blade fic btw bc i am so committed to writing it and it NEEDS to be written after all this time#4.5k words in and im not halfway through.... head in hands let me free....#anyway i am leaning towards the latter bc !! blade being so reluctant to hold u again in fear of hurting u bc despite everything he has#gone through u are still the one thing he holds dear and if he were to hurt u in any way shape or form he might just lose his waning tether#to his fleeting sanity and so him eventually easing into ur touch and holding ur palm against his cheek and just drinking in ur warmth#and the sight of u after so so long and this ache in his cold heart is so painfully treacherous but he wouldnt have it any other way and#ourgh.... i love blade of honkai star rail so much if you couldnt tell like genuinely one of my most beloved characters#this is also why i have so many wips for him 🧍♀️#ANYWHO back to crying over my doc after crying over beefleaf again :'D
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tender as a bruise, sharper than a razor wrap her tentacles around me like she'll never let me go
klaus' backstory arc just ended heho and it was revealed he used to be the lover of the goddess of storms and pirates... she had basically kidnapped him and imprisoned him into murder and piracy for 20 years and needless to say it greatly damaged him on every level <3 its okay he's been able to be normal for once since the start of the campaign thanks to the party aka his new found family
get urself a surrogate middle-aged father who can speedrun a forbidden romance in one minute and then immediately go to confront the darkest version/a corrupted version of himself, as well as his toxic lover as she tortures him -w-)b
details and just the lines hehe
#clerichs.png#my artwork#original character#original art#original illustration#digital art#digital painting#digital illustration#dnd character#oc#oc illustration#im so unnormal about him.#he got hurt soo badly in isolation... thats where all the scars in his ref came from </3#this portrait is of the one scar his goddess did not give him.... </3#tfw ur jealous sea goddess lover pits you against other pirates and sea monsters to fight for ur life and test ur devotion#and she promised to love you wholly only for u to realize she doesn't understand or know what love is#and only wanted it bc everyone else who had love seemed so happy and she wanted that too#so after she destroyed everything you loved (literally your entire world) she merely treats u as a possession for 20 years#and you don't know how to ask for love because you don't know how to love either so you resent her and everything and everyone#leading rage to build up within you and you willfully slaughtering so many things because you cant handle your emotions and pain#and after deflating and sinking into apathy a rogue priest manages to break ur exterior and touch you deeply enough to let you love again#and because of him you're able to begin breaking free of everything and you lose everything again but this time#this time you wake up in a crate of fish to outstretched hands and people who love you as family even after learning who you are/were#filling you with strength and willpower even as your goddess lover comes back swearing she loved you and loves you still#and she tortures you and threatens to take everything away again if you don't come back to her but because of your love for everyone#and their love for you youre able to hold fast long enough for them to break you out#his goddess made a copy of him by warping the body and soul of a naive young man in an attempt to replace him and fill the hole in her hear#he had to literally kill the darkest version of himself that hurt everyone and he laid him to rest... catharsis if ive ever seen it#as i said. im so normal about him <3 the guy i project onto the most ever#klaus lierstark
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its not even cold enough yet out to turn on the heater for long, like, by the time the suns out and im waking up its boiling inside of the house, but night time its freezing. so i keep having to switch back and forth between heat and a/c, its drivin me bonkers
#im chilly rn. honestly if it were my place id just keep the thing off most of the time right now. even if it gets cold at night. bc#the house holds onto heat.#but my dad refuses to let me touch the thermostat and change it to how i need or like. so its just blghhhghfg#TBH also in the summer if it were my place id keep it cold as hell. like if ur cold just bring a jacket im keepin that shit cold#i overheat so easy constantly and i get cold easy. but id rather be cold.#the last hosue had no a/c im never living like that again if i can help it#i felt like i was having a heart attack every single day and was drenched every day and couldnt have energy to be happy enjoy myself or eve#breathe at all. it sucked so bad. hate that house. hate it so much. LOATHE that house.
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it's literally crazy to me how much people think they're the exception to any given rule. like the amount of entitlement you see working with customers is insane.
me, explaining rules at my workplace: no purse, backpacks, or bags of any kind, no exceptions
this 50 y/o karen dumbass, clearly holding a pretty sizeable purse: what about this?
me: ...no exceptions
karen: ok but what about this
our "no bags no exceptions" rule raises a lot of questions that are already answered by our "no bags no exceptions" rule
#its not for a medical thing. like we know its not#if someone goes 'oh but i have an inhaler/otherwise medical thing' we go 'either keep it in a pocket or put it in one of these bags for us'#thats fine we CAN work around that just a little#but clearly its not#no you dont need your chapstick in the cave.#you don't need your pens. you don't need your lipstick to touch up.#im gonna hold ur hand when i say this: you are not special#the rules are in place for a reason and you arent gods specialist little princess#that and 'what about my fanny pack' are you under the impression that a fanny pack ✨is not a bag✨#how do you get to your big age and have the mindset 'no exceptions? well surely im the exception' like hello
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i keep forgetting what's considered like... Common knowledge of bugs. Frequently I am shocked by someone not knowing what a larval ladybug looks like because I grew up with those so clearly everyone should know what a larval ladybug looks like. But people Don't. and that's crazy. what does the general public know about bugs. idk anymore
#this post was spurred on by someone not knowing that you generally shouldn't touch fuzzy caterpillars#...and sent a picture to a gc in which they were holding a fuzzy caterpillar . causing the rest of the (bug people centric) chat to go 😨#and i'm just thinking. Do people not know this ? is this something most people aren't aware of? ur telling me most people don't know about#flannel moth caterpillars ? you guys didn't have to be wary of these things growing up? that's wild#what does the average not-bug-inclined person know about bugs. i don't know.#clamtalk#bugposting#i am talkative lately i apologize. ur getting all my thoughts. i have much to say. etc.
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woe characters inspired by some of my cats be upon ye. info on them in my tags lol
#dialtown oc#jack dlc#twerpys head is a sledgehammer bc the cat theyre based on was born in a wall lmao#he works at the petstore with outis bc i got said cat frm the local petstore#lilys head is a fluffy couch pillow thing and she works at an animal shelter bc thats where i got the cat shes based on#twerpy is genderfluid bc we make jokes that my cat twerpy is genderfluid a lot#also i feel like shed be aroace if she were a person. its just the vibes yk#lily isnt labeled as anything shes just vibin#the 2 are part of a big sorta found family type shit that consists of chars based on my other 3 cats i just didnt feel like drawin more rn#twerpy is really mean and stuck up but is secretly super sweet it just takes them a long time to warm up enough to someone n show it#shes also secretly incredible at like. comforting people and helping them out. but again only shows it for people hes warmed up enough to#lily is super confident and full of herself and spoiled. she thinks shes super fuckin smart but she is very much Not /lh#she loves attention though and gets her feelings hurt super easy#also shes Huge on physical affection. she loves giving people hugs and holding hands and shit#like. shell be like oh im so fuckin hot and cool literally no ones on my level and of ur like eh idk that fit isnt really that good on u#she will start Crying. and get mad that youre being mean to her for no reason while sobbing#and probably will hug onto you while doing it#twerpy also gives really good hugs but they Hate being touched. so if it willingly touches you then youre incredibly lucky special#also lily loves sitting in peoples laps#if youre friends with her she is far more likely to sit on your lap instead of any chair in the room nd thats just smth youll have 2 deal w#dlc wiki
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oh i did go on that dinner that turned into pool and then smoking by the mountains but goal was met he wanted to khs
#personal#i sent my friend like 7 three minute long videos to explain it all i’m not typing that out#but to sum it up. he was very nervous whole time i was cool as a cucumber#he wants to properly date and has tried moving on but it feels disgusting so it’s either me or nothing at least for several months#i don’t want to date bc 1 don’t trust him 2 im not gonna look through his phone or track him im not doing all that#3 i’m not embarrasing myself to my friends and family etc etc#at most i could fuck him but wouldn’t do exclusivity since i couldn’t expect that of him#he’s very upset that he fucked it up also made that worse by telling him true things i did when i had a crush#very tasty VERY tasty also knows i’m talking to other people#amended that later to i could do exclusivity but i couldn’t date/ claim him#and he had the gun back of his throat at that part he was like ah. that’s how it feels from the other side hearing that#bc he’s done that to a lot of people and i was like LMAO. i laughed in his face a lot#also so good he had to go at pool and was like when can i. CAN i see you again?? am i ever gonna see you again??? and i was like idk lmao#so he was like you know what lemme see if you can come with and i was like ain’t that a serious talk with ur friend and he’s like let me#see okay just hold up#also at pool he was giving tips and i was like dude im not getting it just move me how you need#man got so fucked up and i was like i don’t want to touch you unnecessarily if i don’t know how to get it in but god. i want to touch you#and anytime he had to touch me would hold on for a hot hot second#also i made sure i looked bad as fuck and one of the first things if not first thing he said was how good i’m looking#anyway learned this week i love being cruel and mean and that did come out#anyway a lot of stuff happened hang out went from like 9 to 2 am#oh and so bad he called it a date and i genuinely asked this is a date and he was like :0 :00 :0000000
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antiope!mary and yelle!shannon send post
MMM!!
em i love this. antiope!mary, with her quiver of exploding arrows, absolutely begging shannon to have a single emotionally intelligent non-self sacrificial bone in her body. literally grabbing her by the shoulders trying to get her to have a reaction to serious things that isn’t closed-off stoicism (bc shannon isn’t superficially yelle, she’s not an outwardly groovy stoner funguy, but it's a different expression of the same thing, of throwing herself so hard into a Cause, and into the protection of her friends, to the point where she has accepted she has no worth beyond it). mary!antiope pleading please care about your own life, your own life, your own life—the world is better with you in it, the best thing that you can do for the world isn't die.
(please. i love you. i don't want you to fucking die.)
#hearing them all saying 'i fucking LOVE you' to each other#i think that would heal me actually#god bea having the katja scene with little bea...#bea holding her own hand as she sits alone on the train to boarding school. even if no one else was there to share this with you I was#antiope!mary to katja!bea. seeing that. knowing the weight of that. 'i love you‚ bitch' and taking them with her#sidenote i think there's also elements of antiope!shannon?#at least in the way u wrote her in tmlt#the military family#the weight of leadership#(the impossible but INCREDIBLY amusing image of them all going out wasted to get shannon a “Leader” tramp stamp...bless)#...being tall...#and then antiope's struggle with Legacy TM is much more lilith too#(what are you gonna be lily? are you gonna follow in the footsteps of all your family before you? be a good little soldier?)#but then mary and lilith also have a kind of antiope/sam thing going on that i love#(mary to lilith. you can't DO that to other people)#also katja!bea....maybe a touch of ostentatia!ava? ostentatia!ava with the provocative phone background that katja is supposed to see?#anyway em this post unlocked 5 million the seven feelings i had FORGOTTEN about thank you ur a visionary as always#the seven#warrior nun
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...
#thats me in the corner. thats me in thr spotlight. rocking from side to side and not contributing to the conversation#which is to say. i made it to thr lab get together with an old lab mate. i really truely did not think i would#i was like 20min late bc of the crying and hyperventilating over a 6min drive down the road#i sorta freaked out while driving too. and almost turned around. its just that i kno i havent been sleeping enough and got overwhelmed#but i made it there. and i dont think i looked like id been crying but i probably looked a bit blank faced and miserable#as i rocked from side to side for like 2hrs listening to ppl talk. i enjoyed it exactly as much as i expected. it was good to see the guy#again but i just dont connect in group gatherings idk. im glad its done. also fucking we were sitting there and a group comes in and whos#in that group?? someone i have avoided seeing for like a loooong time. the guy who tried to be in a relationship with me back when i 1st#started as a grad student. i say relationship. i was explaining to him why i couldnt do any sort of romantic e tanglement and he was very#firm abt not wanting a relationship. and im like bro im explaining u why no romanticly adjacent thing is gonna work. u literally asked me#to physically hold ur hand thru this. u r somehow more emotionally invested in this than me and also are telling me that u just wanna fuck#me. so like u r not slick. whatever. it was so fucking stressful at the time. which i feel bad abt bc it wasn't really his fault#i was just less self aware so i didnt kno i have bad awareness in the moment. like i dont kno a lines been crossed until a week later when#im laying on thr floor falling apart. so like i wish him the best. didnt kno he was still around. hopefully this doesnt trigger stress#dreams. all this to say i was very fucking tense. and when i got back in my car i was like shaky and panting lol#idk looking back its just such a weird situation with that dude. if i was anyone else it woudlnt have been a big deal but#my brain just doesn't process physical touch right. so now ive got these horrible touch memories that like on paper r literally nothing#but for me they were so unfathomablly awful when i 1st aquired them. i literally could not deal with any romantic stuff for like a month#bc it would like trigger me. now thst its been like 3 years its not bad tho. just like gives me thr ick but i dont get#stuck in the memories too much. its so dumb. whatever. point is im all sore now from sitting all tense haha#unrelated
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did we even watch the same show
#sorry butttt when people say stuff like this well it kinds of shows what they think of masc women. lol#plus honestly if you took the point that it was a 14 yr old girl being groomeds responsibility to 'save' her friend from also being groomed#i dont even know what to say to you#utena could've never like 'succeeded' in the traditional fairy tale sense bc.#she was a 14 y/o girl fighting against a powerful older man WHO WAS ACTIVELY GROOMING HER#while everyone who shouldve been responsible adults was absent ignorant or part of the problem themselves#i honestly really admire that they 'win' by like. MENTALLY and then physically getting away from him and the world he controls#because it would literally be irresponsible to claim that ppl in this situation ever can like. show up with a sword and win the day#like ur 14 living in a world he controls its a v real allegory for how lots of childhood abuse works#u 'win' by making it out and THEN living ur life in spite of it all#and watching them try to hold onto each other through all that is soo emotional and touching#that its BIZARRE to constantly see people like 'hmmm utena was a bad friend' 'anthy was the real abuser' or whatever#like. its a fictional show but its revealing really concerning things abt what u guys think abt how abuse works. um
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lonely lil sweet pea owo
#friends cutoff frm the screenshot bc i found this hilarious#just the idea of this lovely little creature (forgot their name) exploring alexander's robotic gallbladder or where-ever we were#are they lost? yea. but its okay. they have their trusty little lantern at their hip#and a large knife!#just like. imagine ur in a group of seasoned adventurers going into this giant robot#ready for a fight. but as u wander further in u see a buncha smoking robo-carcasses littering the floor#freshly taken offline. clearly they met a violent death. who was just here? what was awaiting them in the end?#they reach the boss. the boss jumps down to face them. they steel themselves for a fight. casters raise their staffs.#the boss lurches forward. drops dead. and thru the massive billows of smoke steaming from its mangled backside#is this green lookin thing. this lovely lil legume. this cute robed creature all by itself#its singular visage a stark contrast against the yawning space surrounding them all. this tiny little thing. immaculate. untouched.#THIS was the harbringer of all the destruction they passed by???! THIS FELLA?????#lmao#and then alexander's lights flicker and puts them all into a pitch black room for a brief moment#and for that moment all they see are a pair of sulphuric eyes gleaming back at them in the darkness#and then they blink out of existence. the lights turn back on. and the thing is just GONE.#they collect the treasure that the thing didnt touch and make their way back out of the colossus#and they cant help but feel like theyre silently being tracked. watched. followed. by something out of their view the entire time#until they step back out onto the grassy riverbank with a sigh that they didnt realize theyd been holding in.#and they saunter onwards to town. and the thing watches them until they crest over the hills and out of view from Alexander's airvents.#zwei writes#like alexander can create a robotic minion to help correct the timeline. maybe the thing is its lil housekeeper#that clears out the hallways every once in a while when things start getting too crowded up in Alex's chambers#a white bloodcell for the robot if you will#zwei oc ideas#🤔🤔🤔 im gonna make an oc with this kinda background i think!#alexander's right hand going out into the world to right the wrongs that its existence may have created#the butterfly effect was larger than the colossus anticipated. there are alot of unknowns. to rectify this they send out an adventurer#-shaped minion to go set things right
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i can't believe i used all my tags on this. i have MORE TO SAY. honorable mentions i will not elaborate on: pikmin, runescape, OG animal crossing.
the reason for all my tags is because there's a difference between "most fun" and "most important" and feel like if they're important u should at least say why :3
#1. metroid prime trilogy: my first dive into metroidvania games and to this day it is probably my favorite genre next to soulsborne.#also as a space nerd egg “wow she's so cool i wish i could be like her” lmaooooo buddy..#2. eternal darkness sanity's requiem: REALLY great unique game. graphics r a bit dated but i think it otherwise holds up rly well.#great spellcasting system with a rock beats scissors beats paper type of thing between different uh. “types” of magic? sourced#from different gods that seem to exist outside of time. idk what bar it raised exactly but it made a strong impression on me#and I've been wishing i had something like it ever since. the sequel has been started multiple times but i don't think it's ever#gonna happen 😔 nintendo has some surprisingly GREAT rated R games.#3. fallout new vegas/skyrim: having enjoyed these so much I've had them on every system i think getting them for PC was a literal#game changer. i played vanilla then ultimate editions and Thought i played them to death but once i got console access on PC??#it kinda served as my entry point to using mods and recently I've even made my own mod for elden ring and dark souls 3 (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)#not that I really needed or used mods with those games - but just kinda being Aware™ that being on PC means u have access#to the game's underlying functionality that you don't get on console. making bat scripts for skyrim/fonv made for some#HILARIOUS gameplay 😭#4. Sonic adventure 2 battle: rly just the sonic games in general but this one FUCKS. Songs r bangers. love the characters.#u low-key kidnap the president for a bit?? more like u break into his car to talk with him nonchalantly lol but still 💀#i listen to the OST to this day!!! when i think of a favorite GameCube game this is one of the first to come to mind.#and the chaos 🥺🥺🥺 and Rogue hey queen (｡ﾉω＼｡)#5. hard to pick a Last One here.. I'm sure there are a lot of games that could be a stand-in choice but RE4/Dead Space Trilogy:#these were some GREAT horror survival games with a good plot and engaging gameplay. Dead Space especially was one me and#all my friends played and took turns playing (◍•ᴗ•◍)❤ just the time spent together alone was good but just rly solidifying that#u can have horror a good plot And good gameplay all in one. i love survival horror as a genre to this day ( ◜‿◝ ) wish i could#remember others i played but i can't?? speaks to how iconic they were at the time though.#6. (honorable mention) the mass effect trilogy: u wanna talk about great plot and engaging gameplay?? these games were SO#fucking good omg 😭 i LOVE the lil class system and the different abilities u get to use i loved that u could carry ur character and#decisions across games. and the fucking TRAGEDY of ur faves not making it thru the ending of ME2 (〒﹏〒) I fr#Went Back so i could try again and again till i at LEAST saved Jack but also saved everyone.#i think the emotional payoff for all ur characters ur invested in r pretty good when u make it to the third since it's p cinematic?#kinda want to play it again. ick do i want to touch the origin launcher though is the real question (´-﹏-`；) i bought it in a bundle#on steam and immediately asked for a refund when i realized i couldn't just play it through the steam launcher (ノ｀⌒´)ノ┫：・┻┻#anyways. lots of time spent there too and another addition to the “you can have fun gameplay AND a great plot” pile.
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stolas writing and reminding me of kimberly from that one shorts episode
#he froze. breath caught in his throat#as the other man leaned in. he could feel his warm breath ghost against his trembling beak (?)#“his own breath faltered as their lips touched. his lovers breath hot and needy”#“their breaths... interwined into one breath”#stolas what is ur thing with breaths hold on#helluva boss spoilers#sinsmas#liveblog tag
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