#and also where most of them are queer
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i literally walked into this space knowing NO ONE, sat off to the side and told them, "I'm sorry, I'm like a cat. I have to just watch for a second, then I'll socialize more." and like. the entire group was just like YEAH MAKES SENSE. no one took it wrong. they just let me observe until i was ready to mesh in more. and now almost two years later I am now burrowed so deeply into this troupe that i wouldn't have the friends or opportunities i have without it.
#bat rambles#sometimes you just have to dive head first into shit and hope for the best#and like not to sound Vain or Full of Myself#but i know it helps that people think i'm really fucking cute so any weird or like#unhinged / fucking FERAL behavior they're just like#omg bat you're SO cute n quirky#like it's the curse of the manic pixie dream girl but like#in a space where they know i'm ND and they all like#have vast network of friends who AREN'T neurotypical#and also where most of them are queer#i don't feel like it's in a MPDG type way#it very much feels “yeah bat just does that sometimes” kind of way but they like#find all of it endearing#and i know that bc they know my OCD is really bad#we went thrifting two days ago and my two friends i went with dug through the bins for me#so i didn't have to touch anything#and if i pointed at something they'd dig it out and hold it up#no complaints they just were like yeah bat has OCD#in fact one of them was like YEAH I FEEL LIKE SUCH A BUTCH RN#i was in the most cottagecore lesbian outfit in the world and was like#yeah babe and i'm your lil lipstick lesbian who would rather kill themself than#touch that thing ur holding#but yeah throw it in the cart i think it'll fit my other girlfriend or their girlfriend
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NGL I have STRONG opinions about digital releases omitting the letters to the editor section of older comics. I feel like the letters are a part of comic history and should be aggressively preserved.
#look i was a weirdo and loved the letters so much#so much#so fucking damn much#i still to this day mourn that we don't have them#sometimes the editors would publish blatant aggressive criticism and promise to do better on some things#it was rare but it did happen in a handful of things involving stereotypes#also there is queer history in them such as in superboy and the ravers where people wrote in about hero#asking WHY he was not interested in women and this editor had to so professionally explain that he was GAY and where they stood on it#you also got to read queer readers writing in about these queer characters and the JOY in their words is priceless#also sorry but geoff's letters are fun and stupid at the same time and are a huge insight to what his hcs were#he LOVED tiny krypto so much it likely inspired him making dex starr bc he loved the idea of a small overly powered animal#not saying that was the main reason why ofc but it is interesting that he created dex after praising that mean little mutt#i say with the most love#my venting#my rambles
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why did isayama put his whole pussy into yumihisu after saying he can’t write romance. and then fumble when it came to the straights.
#yumihisu#how and why did he manage to make them so perfect. written so beautifully. built up so expertly#eremika#aruani#y’all were done so dirty#I’m sorry he put all his time into developing eremin instead of giving an ounce of romance between their canonical couples#aruani could have been so great if he just. if he planned it from the start. AND BRO PLANS A LOT#same with eremika#eremika could have been the most beautiful ship if he didn’t dedicate all of eren’s character development to armin and actually intended#from the beginning to make them lovers instead of pushing a strange sibling relationship where eren did not show ANY reciprocation of love#yet he managed to write the most heartwrenching soul crushing queer relationship with more time dedicated to their romance than the romance#the main two couples combined (at least romantically)#isayama can only write romance if it’s gay and i stand by that#like#kenuri#he also put his whole ussy into this and we legit only knew them for a few chapters#how does he accidentally give the most romantic and intimate moments and dynamics to the gays#eremin#why did he give the most romantic dialogue to these two#like why did eremin parallel yumihisu and reibert. while eremika was CANONICALLY framed as a parallel to the most toxic horrific relationshi#reibert#he accidentally made the most tragic devoted caring couple. and then dropped in bertholdt liking annie out of nowhere 💀#he can write such good dynamics between complex characters and then when it comes to the straights he’s just like 🤷 they kiss or sumn#aot#snk#attack on titan#shingeki no kyojin#txt#sorry I’m going crazy in the tags#this started as just a funny realization that yumihisu is so amazingly written and then he can’t write romance when it comes to the straight
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ijbol idk man releasing screenshots of very polarizing things said in a private discord server between friends in a public "callout" post is #the most #tumblrific thing ive ever seen LOL.
#opinion 😱 in tags
#our life#gb patch#gb patch games#our life beginnings & always#i also think it should be acknowledged that the white queer 'experience' and the black queer 'experience' are totally different#bc there are multiple occasions where GBLady has recieved an ask where shes accused of Something bc of a super specific issue#this whole situation is just the biggest case of GetOverYourself ive ever seen icl#i think rose is entitled to their opinion as a black trans person + a person who previously identified as a trans man#i think its easy to attack rose as an inflammatory person who 'purposely incites discourse' bc they dont use that super-pacifying#everyone is welcome on my blog tone that if not used is immediately interpreted by white people as hostility and rudeness#i don't agree with a lot of their takes that ive seen on their blog that were allegedly posted BEFORE they became a sensitivity reader#but irdgaf#bc its their personal blog and theyre entitled to their opinion and i don't believe u get to feel insulted or slighted#or deem them as unprofessional and inflammatory just bc they didnt speak to u on their personal blog as Nicely as u wanted them to#i just think this all leads back to a growing sense of entitlement in the gb patch fan community#esp among the our life fans#just bc this is a deeply customizable game doesn't mean that the dev can customize Every Single Thing to ur liking#it also doesn't mean that ignorance on the devs part or the staffs part in most capacities is purposefully discriminatory in nature#like no offence but wdym 'ur hands are shaking and u need to get offline' bc of all of This... please grow up and go outside#also This is controversial but a lot of yall use the fact that GBLady is a white cis woman who happens to b writing stories#with a very diverse and nuanced cast to railroad ur ideals on how the characters should b written#and if they don't meet Your personal experience as a member of that marginalized community then They are automatically written incorrectly#again just a very entitled community IJBOL#idgaf if u disagree come and kill me over it 🤷🏾♀️#but also im very curious abt what people think !! 👁#i also dk how to phrase this but the white gb patch community also Reeks of this strange entitlement and i hate to say it but . . .#Sensitivity ??#they have this weird almost parasocial relationship with GBLady + this fantastical relationship with the characters themselves#LOL idk if anybody gets what i mean
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Something I realized (which was obvious to me subconsciously) is that... The family that vehemently didn't accept me when I first came out but now do accept me are still the same family that I am most unwilling to be open about things I feel protective over.
I remember that my dad reacted so poorly, not to my coming out, but to my transition specifically that my therapist was the one to ask if I wanted to put it on my file that I wanted nothing to ever be shared with him about my health after I broke down multiple times due to my anxiety that I would never transition. While there are and were protections for me, I was incredibly fearful at the time because I was a minor, and I was so worried that he would have prevented my transition that I couldn't have said for certain what (if any) lengths he would have gone to to prevent that.
He's grown a lot as a person, and made some commendable strides. But he didn't find out from me when I medically transitioned the second I turned eighteen, and I think that's among the things that truly made him realize the scope of the issue.
I'm not here to guilt trip parents, guardians, or other members responsible for the care of the children or teens or young adults in their care.... but this is a cautionary tale. You aren't saving the people in your care when you do this, you simply reinforce an idea that you will never care for them, never want them as they are, would rather them be shoved away.
When you give people reasons to be secretive, they will behave secretively. When you give people reasons to doubt their safety around you, they will become sneaky, defensive, and withdrawn. When you give people reasons to doubt that you value their life, they will believe that you don't care if they live or not.
#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#ally advice#transphobia#transphobia tw#i always feel the need to preface that i have a rebuilt relationship with my dad specifically...#...but that my experiences with them have served to me in many ways to illustrate... well... what NOT to do if you are in his situation#i do still grieve that my relationship with him looks very scarred and that it took a long time to get to where he is now#but i recognize that in many ways this is a product of the world and culture we live in and that he lived in#in a world he grew up gay was used as a slur. would i expect that trans people would be treated better?#and he was responsible for how he reacted but also... it's nuanced as to why he reacted so poorly#and i want people to AVOID being like he did if they EVER want a decent relationship with the other person#i want this to be a cautionary tale and that my ending is unique. not all of us are even ABLE to repair a relationship that was THAT broken#some of us die trying. some of us never get closure. some of us are in active danger because of those reactions#and that's the more common reality i have found. most other queer people have no-contact with families who pulled the shit my dad had...#...and that's - frankly - a good idea in 99.9% of cases. i will never judge someone for the way they go about dealing with that#i'm just emphasizing that i am unique in the sense that i was able to somewhat repair that
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It's so interesting and so exceedingly frustrating how agab is being utilized now within the queer community as a way to isolate and sort nonbinary and genderqueer folks into binary boxes that determine their moral purity levels, and their authority to do and write and exist.
The way nonbinary writers are being put under accusation of fetishizing gay men while their AGAB is continually brought up in a way that feels like queer-space-approved misgendering.
The way feminist circles that are supposedly trans-inclusive will use the word AFAB in a way that implicitly but intentionally isolates nonbinary people who aren't AFAB from joining. It's for women*.
The way the language is already flawed and leaves out intersex folks from the conversations while focusing on a binary of sex that isn't truthful.
The constant obsessing over whether someone is AFAB or AMAB and whether or not that gives them the privilege to join, do, write, or be present in certain spaces really really concerns me. How are we supposed to dismantle a binary system of gender if we can't even move past forcibly assigning and focusing on people's genders assigned at birth?
#and yes i understand! that agab language can in some circumstances be helpful in inclusive language and in the medical world but ultimately#is misgendering and unnecessary it should be up to the person to disclose their agab not an expectation of them to give up freely#I think that inclusive language shouldnt be misgendering in nature and agab as far as i can tell should only be used in select discussions#and certainly not as a way to frame a nonbinary writer as a “biological woman” but in a way where the queer community will nod along and sa#“oh they have a point” because you used the word AFAB instead#honestly afab is the term i see used most frequently and most harmfully towards other nonbinary people who don't identify w the label#to exclude trans women and amab nonbinary people#to frame nonbinary people as “still women” because of their assigned gender at birth#also i understand its not as simple as “not using” these terms bc they still serve a purpose and are important#but as they leave the queer community and as they enter the hands of cis queer people they become weapons#i wish i could like manifest my thoughts super clearly but i really cant bc its a difficult situation#its just another example of misogyny and bio-essentialism creeping into the queer community#because the patriarchy impacts all things including our discussions of trans oppression and gender we need to stop viewing it#as a strict binary of male female and oh sometimes we'll mention nonbinary people but we're all afab and amabs at the end of the day <3#like flames literal flames#if you wanna like chip into the conversation just shoot me an ask or respond to the post i'd love to hear other peoples perspectives#im not infalliable so if i said anything you view as incorrect especially in regards to intersex folks and how you all would like to be#included in these discussions as im not intersex but am aware of how agab is a subject that leans into the idea of a binary of sex#so yeah rant over <3#retro.bullshit#rant
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cant put my finger on it, but Taylor Swift feels like walking racial microaggression
#it's not even the fact that she let herself become a white supremacist idol without telling them to fuck off#and when asked why she didn't she said she was from Nashville where the Dixie Chicks were a cautionary tale#meanwhile she had no qualms calling out sexism in the industry#but white supremacy was too far apparently#but leaving aside all of that‚ she's so fucking aggressively mediocre#and her 'girl gang' is just rich thin white women#let's not forget that racist Wildest Dreams video shall we?#she's talented and worked hard yeah but her parents are rich and connected as hell#also Swifties are some of the most obnoxious fucking people in music fandom#who get mad when WoC queer women and leftists can't stand her#the whole private jet thing was just icing on the cake tbh#Casey McQuiston had one throwaway line in RWRB where the MoC and Jewish girl dissed her#and half the white queers took that personally#Jesus fuck#let people hate rich thin white women#I mean heck I like Ed Sheeran's music but I don't take it personal when other people don't#then again I don't get idolising celebrities#just because I love someone's music doesn't mean I give much of a shit about them as people#these are objectively complete randos no matter what you think you know about them#anti Taylor swift#people with T-Swift hate blogs also dni#this post is about casual white privilege not whatever weird obsessive shit you got going on#white women#racism#white privilege#knee of huss
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i love the penumbra podcast and i love second citadel and i really enjoyed listening to the finale but i feel. weird about the way this show treats its female characters???
#as in... in a show that prides itself on defying gender boundaries and heteronormativity it still seems to frequently push its female and#genderfluid characters to the side? and ik it can't really be called bury your gays in a podcast where most of the characters are queer#(and i also do think it is important for a narrative to give character the endings that make sense rather than prioritising keeping alive#those who weren't meant to live past the end of the story so i'm not necessarily saying that it's sexist#or that caroline and quanyii should have lived for the mere fact of them being second citadel's only lesbian characters)#but it still does feel off somehow? i don't feel that it's easy to say that they were used as a vessel through which to keep the other#characters alive but i just ?????? i don't know if this is something that anyone else feels? i love tragedy in fiction but it just feels#as if this doesnt mean anything...i can see in part how their character arcs were complete but they deserved to have their happy ending and#rather than feeling the devastation of tragedy after having listened to this episode i only feel mild frustration that they weren't able to#live to see the world that they helped save? i think i will have to think of it as a once and future king thing where when olala rises so#too will caroline#i have had complicated feelings about this whole podcast for the last season or so but i can't tell if it is genuinely the podcast or if it#is just the fact that i dont need it as much as i used to and that my love for it hasnt lessened that instead my heart has just grown#bigger around it#so maybe im completely off base with this and that its just an extension of my weird feelings about almost all of season 5 in general but#hmm#also i did not care for caroline that much through the best part of this podcast so its not as though i am annoyed about her dying because#i loved her so much because honestly i didn't love her as much as i wanted to (or as much as i loved olala and quanyii and rilla)#and also!!! it was nice that they were able to be together and have closure!!!! i think it was well done in a general sense i just ???#i can't articulate it any clearer than this#second citadel#tpp#tpp spoilers#the penumbra podcast#the penumbra podcast spoilers
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whats crime and cricket? ur fanart looks interesting
ah thank u! 'crime and cricket' is the fandom tag for the Raffles series by E.W. Hornung, since the character name is difficult to use as a tag lmao It's mostly short stories with one novel, all narrated by Bunny who is the old school friend turned partner and accomplice of AJ Raffles, a gentleman thief who uses his fame as an amateur cricket player as a cover for his secret life as a burglar! They were sort of based on Holmes and Watson if they were criminals instead of detectives, but there's a lot more to them than that and they're really compelling stories that i have become completely obsessed with
if you wanna read any, Raffles Redux is my go-to as its full of annotations with extra context and illustrations etc, but the books are all public domain so they're easy enough to find online copies of. I would definitely reccomend reading these in order since theyre pretty serialised - but if you're not sure, the first 'The Ides Of March' and third 'Gentlemen Vs Players' are good intro stories for getting the feel of them
Also, im only about half-way through the first story but i am obligated to boost my own comic book adaptation ive been working on >:)
#fdkfksf sorry if u just wanted a title and not like the whole pitch#and i didnt even get into the infodump about who Else raffles is based on and all the seemingly deliberate queer signifiers#but i think that stuff is more fun to find on ur own as u get into them :)#there is also a tv show from the 70s which is an excellent adaptation but is not what im drawing fanart for mostly#it is all on youtube tho#oh fwiw the ides of march does contain a suicide threat! just as a warning#and uh unfortunately also warning that being crime fiction by an english dude in the 1890s#there is some pretty rough antisemitism and racism#it doesnt show up in most of the stories thankfully but where it does its pretty bad#crime and cricket
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there are a lot of reasons i'm really, really impressed by how well sdmi portrayed the dynamic of an abusive relationship with pericles and ricky, and one of the big ones is how accurately they show what it looks like when abuse starts to escalate.
the extent of that is yet another thing that'll take a longpost of its own to go into, because it spans like.... the entire arc of their relationship in the show. but one thing that stands out to me in particular is their portrayal of the massive red flag that is a partner trotting out bigoted behavior against a group you're in. especially insults, and especially directed right at you.
this show has a LOT of fatphobia, jesus christ does it ever, and there are certainly some fatphobic tropes going on with ricky; but i've always been surprised and impressed by how many of the nastier ones they avoided, especially considering his role in the story and what his arc is about.
he is a major, nuanced character whose trauma is treated with full weight and sincerity. it's implied that his body type changed the way it did due to the trauma he went through when he was younger, and the ensuing mental illness, which is a pretty realistic experience for a lot of people. the things that happen to him are played for full tragedy and horror, when it would have been so, so easy for them to make light of it because Tee Hee Fat Guy and Tee Hee Male Abuse Victims Funnee. despite how his whole thing involves corporate greed, they don't go the route of portraying him as Gluttonous and Hedonistic; if anything he is very obviously not using all that money for even basic physical self-care, and the only time we ever see him eating anything it's when he's drinking wine grape juice with pericles. which, like, there's issues to be unpacked with that too, but jesus christ it's an improvement over what usually happens with characters like him.
he's a fat queer man who isn't degendered or made feminine in a mocking and/or predatory way. (there's nothing wrong with feminine fat queer men and they need more non-shitty rep, please and thank you god, but there is a lot of nastiness in the tropes they're often used for in mainstream media, and one of those tropes is when people consider 'fat queer man' and 'masc' to be oxymorons.) no one ever once calls him ugly; if anything multiple people in his life think he's attractive and desirable, for better or for worse. no one body-shames him. and no one ever mentions his weight.
except pericles.
'The Horrible Herd' and 'The Devouring' are two halves of a whole here, re: escalation of abuse. 'Devouring' is when the abuser goes full mask off and shit hits the fan; 'Horrible Herd' is the wind-up before the punch. HH is when ricky realizes things are getting Bad and he needs to put a stop to this now, and Devouring shows what happens when he tries, because by the point where it's gotten bad enough to give him a wakeup call it's already too late. it's how abusive relationships tend to go, and it's chillingly accurate.
and what's one of the things pericles says during Horrible Herd when that punch is winding up? something no one's ever said before now, including him? 'you pudding-faced dummkopf.'
he body-shames him. he insults his weight, and that's a major turning point. bigotry is something that's often there to some degree from the start, but not always, because some abusers are good at hiding things like that until they're confident they've got you where they want you. the message with ricky and pericles is loud and clear: when this happens, the walls are dripping blood. get out.
(if you can. and be careful when you try.)
when this show is good, it is really, truly good. god damn.
#sdmi#scooby doo: mystery incorporated#ricky owens#professor pericles#pericky#abuse cw#fatphobia cw#domestic violence cw#i am just consistently fucking blown away by what fantastic SA/DV survivor representation ricky is#i have no idea how he ended up where he did; especially with how godfuckingawful their *other* portrayals of IPV are; and just. wow.#he is incredibly important to me and i love him with my whole heart#also; to be very and extremely clear; i do not say he's queer as a headcanon or because he feels like he has Vibes#he is quite literally one of the two most blatantly thread-away-from-textually-explicit queer characters in the show#a show that is famous for *velma and marcie.* that is *saying something.*#and the other most blatantly queer character in the show is pericles#and they are mutually *why the other one is queer-coded*#ricky is a fat canonically bisexual man and he is an abuse survivor whose story is treated with respect and that is just. so much.#and that is why i am insistent that people do not ever ever tag my posts about them with 'not ship'#you don't have to ship them yourself to acknowledge that they're a thing and that matters; and discuss it#but like. don't. do not. do not ever try to cut ricky being canonically queer or a DV survivor off of anything that i post. thanks#SDMItag#dyn: when i die i want you to die too
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hey how the fuck are you people finding people to date
and how the fuck am i supposed to figure out if im demiromantic or not if i cant find anyone to date???? where are all the hot gays* at????
*all gays are hot. hot in this context means open to dating
#personal#where are the queer single women#and specifically the ones who didn't just come out of the closet#no hate to yall but most of yall ain't ready to do anything but flirt#I WANT TO COOK FOR A HOT WOMAN AND BAKE THEM TREATS BUT I CANT FIND ANYONE IN MY AREA WHO WANTS THAT#also i'm so so scared of dating apps fr
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youtube
Me @ Netflix if they cut Foxglove and Hazel or A Game of You or yassify any of the girls
#sandman season 2#a game of you#fucking bullshit man this comic say what you want in not saying there's nothing to criticize but christ#where else even today do you get queer women characters this un-polished and prettied up#to still be appealing looking to cishet men who are allowed to be messy and Problematic without#being punished by the narrative. And Wanda god she's a nerd she's a scene gal fashion wise she's everything#Barbie is desperately recovering any sense of identity at all and it's so compelling. I don't even trust netflix to do them justice#at this point but if the lesbians the fandom was least likely to find Palatable background extras aka the most human ones#are cut? If Wanda is yassified if Barbie is cut? Because we have to streamline everything and cut off everything that made#sandman unique to pull as many bucks as possible? Yes I AM going to take that#personally actually. It kinda does feel like a slap in the face. Queer women and women in general were the core fanbase of the comic for ye#but if they say fuck us when it's time to make $$?? Then fuck them right back. Bye#We don't need yet another time that if queer women aren't looking like models#they're not fit to be seen according to executives and audiences alike#also it goes without saying that if h0b g*dli*g gets one second more screen time than is necessary#I'm gonna chew my way thru Netflix hqs walls#Has he not taken over enough. The fandom is already insufferable about him#and I'm so fucken tired of it we DON'T need more#yes I know this is all fears and speculation. I WANT to be wrong. You don't know how happy I'll be if i have to eat my own words#But until then I'm so nervous
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a rly underrated thing about crazy ex girlfriend imo is that it's one of the rare shows i know of that really spends time on exploring what the process of having children is like for queer ppl/for those who go about it "non-normatively". it's not even rly a main storyline but i still find it rly well-handled and touching.
#idk i feel like in the general consciousness (deciding to) having kids as a queer person is either treated as impossible#(which is true to an extent in some jurisdictions tbf - at least if you want the legal status of parents)#or is imo way oversimplified#like yeah most ppl know ivf is A Fucking Process but many ppl still seem to underestimate iui for example#or there's an assumption that all couples with no sperm between them choose to use a sperm bank and that that process is easy#and doesn't require any reflection (which it isn't and it does)#or that if you choose to go with a known donor finding a donor is an easy process (which it also rly isn't)#or for couples where no one can get pregnant that surrogacy goes without saying (in addition to the fact that surrogacy is banned#in Many Places where other MAR techniques aren't#finding a surrogate is also orders of magnitude more difficult than finding a gamete donor)#or that adoption is an obvious solution - idk if those ppl know any gay couples who are trying to adopt but i do#they've been in the process for SIX psychologically excruciating years and it will likely be another year before they actually have a child#and that's for white college-educated materially comfortable ppl#and idk but cxg does a rly good job with the storyline - from Darryl and White Josh's disagreement about whether to have kids#to Darryl's decision to have a kid alone#to him asking Heather and Rebecca for help with that process#to the fact that Heather and Rebecca's feelings about Hebecca are v realistic and nuanced atm#not at all maternal bc that's never what they wanted or planned for (being a mother to this child) but also not indifferent#for example the 'hello nice to meet you' reprise - i legit think that's the only time i've ever seen a known donor's attitude and feelings#about the child they helped create but in no way consider 'theirs' being explored. even in thirty seconds.#or even just the fact that Darryl is a lawyer and requests help from both a gamete donor and a gestational carrier - yes!#as far as i understand in the us 'surrogacy' (one person being pregnant with their own ovule) gives the pregnant person legal parental stat#and thus requires giving up those rights and sometimes adoption after birth#while 'splitting things up' between a donor and a carrier also cuts through that 'biological' link for the purposes of legal recognition#i might be wrong in my understanding of this but if not it's cool to see it handled realistically including wrt how the legal consequences#influences decisions about which choices you make#reproduction cw#children cw#adoption cw
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ive said it before i’ll say it again but just because el is brought up in mike and wills conversations doesnt mean theyre actually talking about el
#like its also simply the fact that they are having the conversations at all. that they are vulnerable with their feelings to each other#in low stakes situations simply because they are best friends and trust each other and Want to confide in the other.#the same cannot be said for mlvn and thats just the objective reality#so like. i dont see why this is seen as a valid ‘gotcha!’ for bylers. it is not.#also yeah will is in every mlvn scene and thats Still gay. like the subtext is skewed gay in every way idk 🤷#take that up with the duffers man… ‘every byler scene mentions el’ yeah and Whyyyyy do they do that Think w ur brainnn#this is like. queer subtext 101#also the el mention in one scene literally being ‘i was worring too much about her that i feel like i lost you’… do i eveb have to day it#*even *say… damn#also so funny to say this when the van scene exists. The most textually obvious example of them using ‘el’ to talk about themselves#like u expect me to take this argument seriously when there is literally a scene where will used el name but is not talking about el at all#yeah okay lmao#uhm anyways#its late im tired sorry for being cringe about byler again.#goodnight and godbless#byler#mine
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one of these days i'm going to write up all that i've changed from azzarello's bullshit era and the one (1) piece i've kept from milligan (and also changed) and the only thing currently stopping me is that it is going to be so, so inside-baseball incomprehensible. and i almost never want to go reading/screencapping azzarello and milligan to add references but i Want to add references.
canon is goop, just know that we continue to ride the bus down "hellblazer ended at #250 and looks like swiss cheese before that" street.
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#i'm doing page maintenance before i fuck off to work rip it's got me thinking#anyway i think i said WAY back on this blog that a side goal of mine is to make hellblazer lore accessible to non-comic readers where i can#bc it's such a Heavy comic & i love it so much & i always felt Terrible recommending it to people only for them to be disgusted#and like. @ past me that particular goal is NOT as easy as you thought it would be lmao#esp because i have a habit of getting VERY detail-oriented when it comes to talking about hellblazer i think#but by GOD it's still a goal. i can put in some motherfucking references here and there when i talk about The Lore#like. azzarello's writing style never translates well for me in synopsis bc he Loves to put the audience in the outside perspective#where we are bystanders/with the rest of the bystanders to constantine's actions and not to his motivations/inner monologue#and i HATE that. hellblazer has ALWAYS been about what this guy has going on underneath the masked exterior#all the things you can't say out loud when you're queer and working class trying to survive in 70s-80s-90s england#but that you FEEL with your WHOLE fucking chest. how that feeling drives you to enjoy little rebellions wherever you can get them#(also azzarello just fucking Sucks LMAO but i'm talking style rn)#so i end up relying on frusin's art to tell the story a little more bc i think he understands the Theatre of constantine's public persona#and when that theatre is Absent then it's really REALLY noticeable. so frusin keeps me in it most of the time#and if i'm digging into frusin art then i'm Going to want to compare it to older panels bc i like body language consistency#milligan on the other hand has NOTHING to save his sorry ass bc his writing is drop-jaw fucking terrible AND the artist seems to like it#but the loss of john's thumb being tied to his mental health (ignoring the bullshit with shade) has always felt. important to me somehow id#anyway MUCH thinking about my favorite loser on this about-to-be-annoying day shdjksd he has been done so dirty#hellblazer brain go brrrr
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i mean i should probably stop saying shit just to be mean
#on the other hand....#the social environment cultivated on here almost demands it lest i let people walk all over me#definitely one of those skills i picked up in childhood to survive social situations back then#not a great skill. not even one i particularly like using. in fact i hate this part of me that feels the need to be judgemental#the logical part of me- the more ~~evolved~~ part of my spirit you could say knows its stupid and has hated doing it since forever#i completely stopped for a while. and then my abusive ex did all the shit they did so i felt like i had to dig that judgemental asshole sid#back up to defend myself bc ik thats the level they operate on. but it also started being the level a lot of ppl on here operated on soon#after (and im not entirely unconvinced they weren't an influence as to why people became more of an asshole on here)#(them or twitter. probably a mix of both but mostly twitter users coming here lol. also had to be an ass on twitter to survive)#so now i feel like i have to cling on to this side of myself i was more than happy to let rot in the dirt bc if i dont then people are gonn#use my vulnerability and niceness and lack of desire to use ad hom n shit against me so they can bully and abuse me and say whatever#and i have to keep this image up of being unphased and happy all the time and then i snap and then its a whole problem to people#so basically be nothing ever bc ppl on here will think thats you forever moral of story i guess im not sure.#best advice i can give: dont exist online publicly in any significant way. if you wanna be a pfpless. bioless account that is your god give#fuckin right okay. never are you obligated to be part of this shit and im personally telling you its hell and if i knew then what i knew#now i would have never started coming on to tumblr in the first place. its cool i learned about all this queer stuff or whatever but it#sucks otherwise#tumblr. twitter. insta. any social media where the point is to make posts and write posts more than anything else#dont bother. so much is lost in text-style communication. bridging gaps is nearly impossible. you will always be misunderstood#i think thats the case for most vocal communication but ESPECIALLY digitally
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