#top ten women a couple of us had a childhood crush on

[is-that-plural]

Luna/nightmare moon MLP???

!!

Rating: something something 'alter ego', 'the evil alter' (/lh) That is Plural!!

[jadequeen88]

Accidental Valentine

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This is my fic for The Citrus Dome Server Lover’s Day Literature Collab! Please go check out The Masterlist and support all of the amazing artists and writers that have contributed.🖤

A/N: WHEW guys... I don’t think I’ve put this much work into a fic EVER. I’ve been feeling pretty bad about my body and wanted to write a reader who struggled with it as well. Who better to boost your confidence than DILF Kiri feeding your praise kink?! I was heavily influenced by this amazing drabble by @rat-suki​ and got permission to use it as my inspiration for this fic.🖤 (for reference, reader is 30 and Kirishima is 42)

Thanks to @afictionalwhore and my dear friend Orchid for the beta read!🖤

RetiredProHero!Kirishima x YoungerF!Reader

Word Count: 5.3k

TW: size difference, oral (both receiving), daddy kink, praise kink (lots and lots of praise), TBH the sex is pretty vanilla but very passionate, both are insecure about their bodies.

When you trudged into work this morning, you didn’t ever dream of meeting your childhood idol/crush, but here you are, staring up at a beautiful mountain of a man. Eijiro Kirishima, or retired pro hero Red Riot, had never come into your coffee shop before and you’d never imagined he would. He was huge. Nearly 7 ft tall and built like a brick house. His hair was back to his natural black with flecks of silver at his temples and hung long and wild around his shoulders. He had on a pair of glasses and wore a dark maroon sweater and jeans.

Even though he’s aged, he looks just as handsome as the young man you fell for as a girl.

The year he made his debut, you were only six, and like most other six-year-olds, you idolized the pro heroes. Most of your friends loved Deku or Dynamite, but you always loved Red Riot. His smile, warmth, and his fiercely protective nature made your tiny heart burst with admiration. Throughout his hero career, you kept up with all of his interviews, the battles he’d been in, the awards he’d won, and his hero rankings. You’d also gotten as much merch as possible over the years and still wore your worn-out, oversized Red Riot t-shirt to sleep in. When he retired a couple of years ago, you still scanned articles online trying to gather bits and pieces of information about the hero, but he wasn’t one to seek out the spotlight. You think that’s probably why he’d always been your favorite. He was a true hero. Serving the citizens and keeping them safe was his top priority. You didn’t want to admit it, but you kept up with him for one main reason… You wanted to know if he was seeing anyone.

You remember being eaten up with jealousy when you’d see his arm around another woman going to galas and award ceremonies. Your sixteen-year-old brain knew that of course, he’d date women. He was a grown man and a pro hero. But your heart would ache, wanting to be the one his soft eyes and pointy-toothed grin was fixed on.

Now those same eyes were fixed on you, his mouth moving and forming words, but you were too star-struck to hear what he was saying. When you snapped out of your daze and remembered you were supposed to be taking his order, you were mortified.

“I-I’m so sorry sir! Could you please repeat that?”

“Sure thing!” his bright smile was hypnotizing, “Just a venti-sized flat white. Have you had your coffee yet? Ya looked a little far away there for a second, kid.”

Your heart leaped at the little nickname. “Yeah, sorry about that! I guess I should get a couple of shots of espresso in me before I try to be productive.” You chuckle nervously as you scribble his order on the cup and turn to make his drink.

“Oh, uhh…” he peeks around the counter to get your attention, “Do you need my name? For the order?”

You freeze realizing you forgot basic, barista 101 etiquette…

“Actually,” you face him, a sheepish grin on your face, avoiding eye contact, “I know your name. You… umm, were my favorite hero,” you blush, and your eyes widen in embarrassment, “you know when I was a kid...”

You turn back to your work, kicking yourself for being so awkward. 

“Really? I think you’re the first person to recognize me since ya know,” he circled his head with his pointer finger, “I stopped dying my hair..”

You turned your head to peer up at him through your dark lashes, a light dusting of blush still on your cheeks, “Well, I like it. It looks good on you.”

The retired pro’s heart was bursting at how damned cute you were. Was this pretty, young girl… embarrassed? Over him?! He watched your tiny hands move as they worked on his drink order, wondering how small they’d feel grasped in his massive ones. Your soft hair caught in the sunlight making you look like a literal angel and he sighed. You reached up to grab a canister from the top shelf and a sliver of soft skin between your t-shirt and jeans peeked through. His gaze became far away and he damn near drooled at the sight. Just how long had it been since he’d touched another woman? Kirishima wasn’t one for casual flings. He always got too invested in whoever he was seeing. So when he and his long-time girlfriend broke things off a couple of years ago, he wasn’t rushing back into the dating scene.

However, things were a little more… complicated than just not finding the right girl to commit to. He was getting older and it was starting to show. Over the past few years, he’d lost his confidence. He’s bulkier around the middle no matter what workouts or diets he tries. Overuse of his quirk has caused stretchmarks and scars all over his skin. He was starting to get crow’s feet and he was overall just TOO big and TOO hairy. He felt like some sort of gorilla walking around in human clothing. Kirishima isn’t stupid or trying to fool himself. A young, gorgeous thing like you wasn’t looking for anything from an old, washed-up man like him. But, fuck… It was nearly impossible for him to move his gaze away from your ass… Oh, the things he’d do to you if he were a few years younger...

You turned to look over your shoulder and notice his gaze… and it’s apparent that he’s checking you out. He looks like a man starved, eyes glued to your ass.

“Well, well, well… maybe he wasn’t so annoyed with my fangirling after all.”

When he realized you’d gone still, his eyes met yours and he quickly averted his gaze. His cheeks turned as red as his hair used to be. You busied yourself with the milk steamer to hide your big, goofy grin. With a new burst of confidence, you decide to take a chance and when you go to write his name on his to-go cup, you write

 “Big Red <3” 

You pause, bite your lip, and think to yourself, “why the hell not?” as you scribble your number underneath the nickname. You turn to give him his drink and your nerves almost make you retreat and make a whole new drink. Then he meets your gaze and your world stops spinning. His vermillion eyes crinkle at the edges as his scared lips turn upwards into a syrupy sweet smile.

When Kirishima takes his drink from you, your fingers brush his for the briefest second and he can tell they’re trembling. “Oh no, I hope I haven’t made her nervous or uncomfortable.” He wanted to go crawl in a hole… That was until he saw what you’d written on his cup.

He stammers, looking from the cup to your face like he’s checking to see if you’re pulling a prank on him or not. Before he can say anything, you bite your lip and look up at him. 

“I’m off work this Sunday. Just… if you’d like to hang out or something.” your gaze shifts and you tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. 

After a moment or two, his face lights up in a huge grin. “Y-yeah, great!” he turns and walks a few steps, then turns around and motions at the cup, “So… I should just, ahh… text you?”

You giggle and it’s the sweetest sound he’s heard in a long time, “That would be nice, yeah.”

“Okay, great!... Talk later then!” He waves and leaves the coffee shop, feeling light as a feather and ten years younger.

*****

Sunday rolls around and you spend the morning making sure the place is cleaner than it’s been in weeks. Your place was small but cozy. For a fleeting moment, you’re a little insecure about how modest your apartment is. You don’t know exactly how wealthy pros are when they retire, but you know he’s more familiar with much nicer places than yours. You decide he probably knew just what to expect on a barista’s salary and tried to put it out of your mind. You checked on the cookies baking in the oven. When you found out through your text conversations that he loved chocolate chip cookies with the large chunks of dark chocolate baked in, you went out and bought everything to make them the same day. You kept watching over them like a hawk to avoid burning them. They still looked pretty gooey, so you decided it would be safe to get changed into something a little nicer. Just as you were about to turn the corner into your bedroom, your doorbell rang.

“Shit!” you looked at your phone and sure enough, you let time get away from you. He was here and you were still in your cropped leggings and t-shirt, sporting a messy bun and dirty apron. You groaned as you realized you couldn’t leave him on your doorstep while you changed. Defeated, you hurried to the door.

You opened the door, hoping that you at least didn’t have flour in your hair, and looked up into the much larger man’s eyes. The realization that THE Red Riot was standing this close to you made your stomach flutter and a goofy grin slide across your face. While you stood there star-struck, he broke the silence.

“Wow, it smells amazing in here!”

“Oh!” you jumped a little then promptly ran over to your oven, “Sorry! Please come on in!” you said over your shoulder as you were pulling your oven mitts on. 

Kirishima walked into your cozy apartment and instantly felt at ease. He couldn’t pinpoint just what it was, but something about your place felt more like home than any place he’d ever lived before. As he finished scanning your apartment, his eyes landed on you taking the cookies out of the oven. The comfortable, domestic feel of the place coupled with your ass on full display as you bent down to remove the cookies from the oven had his jeans tightening. You stood up and he averted his gaze before you turned around, not wanting to get caught checking your ass out for a second time.

“Fair warning, I’m not a talented baker by any means,” you removed your oven mitts after placing the cookie sheets on the cooling rack and flashed a sly grin his way, “But when Red Riot tells you what his favorite cookies are… Ya kinda gotta make them, right?”

Oh… If you only knew how pent up this man was… he debated bending you over right then and there and fucking you until you couldn’t walk. He really hit the jackpot with you… a hot, younger woman with the perfect ass who bakes him cookies and for some reason thinks he hung the moon? Kirishima would have given you a ring right then and there if he didn’t think it would scare you off.

“Well,” he radiated warmth as he looked between you and the cookies cooling on the rack, “If you’re not the sweetest thing! I, ahh… might have gotten you a little something too.” he then held up a 6 pack of your favorite cider. “Because when Y/N, L/N tells you what her favorite cider is… Ya kinda gotta get her some.” he winked and you felt your knees buckle and your cheeks burn. You felt like you were in a fairytale.

Then you remembered that the princesses in fairytales definitely did not wear flour-riddled black leggings, old t-shirts, and dirty aprons.

“OH! Umm, I need to go get cleaned up. I’ll only be a minu-” his massive hand wrapped around your wrist as you walked past him. It covered half of your forearm and a shudder ran through you. You wanted those giant hands to roam every inch of your body.

“Please don’t,” his eyes were half-lidded and his voice was low, “...I think you look beautiful like this.” his calloused thumb traced little circles on your skin not meeting your gaze. His deep voice was impossibly tender.

Now that you’d felt his skin on yours, you couldn’t contain your churning desires any longer. You wanted, needed, more. Rising up on your tiptoes, you curled your fist into Kirishima’s shirt collar and pulled his face toward yours.

You felt him tense up for a moment, then relax into the kiss. His massive hands found purchase on your hips, digging into the pliant flesh there. A needy whimper caught in his throat spurring you on to deepen the kiss. 

It was like your bodies were working around each other in perfect harmony… lips parting at a slow pace, like honey dripping from the edge of a spoon and tongues meeting in the middle to taste each other. You both savored the kiss for as long as you could, eyes lazily drifting open and shared breaths causing your hearts to dance out of your chests. 

You saw him falter, his gaze dropping, and you feared that you overstepped. 

“Kirishima I-“

“Ejiro,” he stopped you with a hand against your cheek, “Call me Eijiro…” his thumb caressed your bottom lip slowly, back and forth. His touch held so much devotion in it.

“Eijiro…” you sighed, looking up at him with pleading eyes, “I need you…”

The giant of a man before you swept you up into his arms and began walking down your hallway. You quickly wrapped your arms and legs around his hulking frame as if you were climbing a tree. 

“Second door on the right,” you were panting into his neck, leaving sloppy kisses all over it. 

You blew a cool stream of air along his damp skin and felt him shudder. A giggle bubbled up from your chest at being able to weaken a retired pro-hero known for being a human shield against the worst villains Japan has ever known. Your little stunt resulted in a grunt and a firm, warning squeeze to your thigh.

“So that’s what we’re doing today, huh?” he tosses you on the bed just hard enough to make you bounce up a little… then he’s on you, placing light kisses all along your neck as he prods your sides looking for a ticklish spot. You can’t remember the last time you laughed this hard and the fact that it was your idol drawing it from you made you dizzy with joy.

“Mercy! Mercy!” you were breathless and your abdomen ached from the forceful laughs Ejiro was pulling from you. He blew a raspberry on your neck as a final tease then relented, sitting up to meet your gaze.

You were absolutely smitten. You caressed the lines around his eyes and the scar that split his lips as your eyes roamed across his features. Every crease, every scar… you wanted to kiss them all. When his gaze faltered and he pulled away to sit beside you on the bed, the feeling you’d done something wrong resurfaced. You sat up beside him and placed your hand on his thigh.

“Eijiro…” your voice was barely above a whisper, “I’m sorry, I know I can come on a little strong sometimes, and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. I just…” your eyes meet and his gaze is unreadable.

“No, no…” his ruby eyes drop to the floor, “It’s just that,” he chuckles nervously, “Well, it’s been a while. I’m not very good with casual flings and the like. So I don’t really date much…”

You rise to your feet and move to stand in front of him. Sitting in front of you on your bed, you’re only slightly below eye level with him. You place your tiny hands on his thick thighs and nudge them apart so you can slot your hips between them.

“When I told you that you were my favorite hero,” you reach for his wrist and remove the hair tie from it, “What that actually meant was that I’d watch the news every day just to make sure you were safe.” 

Slender fingers move through his wild mane of silver-flecked hair untangling any knots, “It meant that when that villain with the sludge quirk put you in the hospital for a couple of days, my mom let me stay home from school because I was so distraught,” you pulled all of his untangled hair to the nape of his neck and began wrapping the hair tie around it.

“It meant that my silly sixteen-year-old heart would ache when I saw you hand in hand with a girl in a magazine going out on a date,” you grinned at how silly you felt admitting that. Once his hair was secured in a low ponytail, your hands trailed along his broad shoulders.

“Now that I’ve thoroughly embarrassed myself, I’ll get to the point.” your intense gaze held years of longing for the hero in front of you, “Nothing about this is casual for me.”

Tears pricked the corners of Kirishima’s eyes. Had anyone ever showed him this much tender devotion? All the years he’d taken beating after beating, a glorified human shield, content with leaving most of the game to his friends. He was all rough edges and bulk. He was the one doing the protecting every time. Even in his romantic relationships, he was the one who would give, and give, and give… never asking or expecting to be taken care of. Being handled with such care was utterly foreign to him and it stirred up a deep need he never knew was there.

“Eji…” his glassy eyes met yours, “Can I take care of you?” you sank to your knees, hands sliding up his thighs.

“Please…”

Your hands made quick work of his button and zipper. He shifted his hips upwards to help you ease his jeans down his thick thighs and you pulled his jeans and boxers down in one slow pull. Nothing would have prepared you for just how huge he was. Your eyes widened for a fraction of a second, wondering how you’d get that thing to fit inside your cunt, much less your mouth… but it was something you were eager to find out.

Looking up at him from under your dark lashes, you made a show of lewdly licking your lips. You flattened your tongue and drug the wet muscle from his base right above his neatly trimmed patch of black hair, all the way to the swollen, red tip of his head. You felt the powerful muscles in his thighs clench as his head rolled back and a delicious moan escaped his open mouth. Making your hero come undone with one lick to his cock was intoxicating. 

“Fuck, baby…” Kirishima fisted the sheets praying he wouldn’t come just from your teasing. He’s not sure his pride could handle it. It became a very real threat when he dared to look down at you kissing and licking all up and down his length. Once your mouth had gotten him wet enough, your soft hands joined your warm mouth in worshiping his cock. You met his gaze as you kissed his tip and licked up the pre that was escaping in pearlescent beads. When you had teased him to your contentment, you swallowed him down as deep as your throat would allow, wrapped your hand around his base, and moaned.

Kirishima had many blowjobs in his life. In fact, he’d had some that he would say were pretty amazing… but in all his adult life, he’d never been so thoroughly and enthusiastically devoured like this. He threaded his fingers of one hand in your loose bun and fisted your bed sheets in his other to ground himself. After a minute or two, he felt his release creeping up much faster than he wanted.

He placed his hands on either side of your face causing you to stop bobbing your head and look up at him. He ran his thumb against your swollen bottom lip and you leaned into his tender touch. He bends forward and places a kiss on the top of your head.

“Lay down on the bed,” he whispers into your hair. Nerves starting to catch up to you, you shook slightly as you stood from your spot on the floor. Before you lay down, you remember to take your apron off then lay on your pillows, heart pounding awaiting further instruction.

Kirishima hovers over you reminding you yet again just how tiny you are compared to him. His warm hand covers your knee and slowly travels up your thigh, stopping right before he meets your throbbing core. He runs his hand back down your thigh to gently nudge your knees apart. Leaning on his forearms, he positions himself between your thighs and you gasp at the friction created where your bodies meet. While planting tender kisses on your neck, he whispers, “I need you to promise that you’ll tell me if I need to stop or if something doesn’t feel okay. Can you do that?”

“Y-yes…” you moan as he nibbles on your earlobe, teasing with his sharp teeth but not breaking your skin.

“Mmm,” he places sweet kisses all along your jaw, your breath catching in your throat, “Good girl.”

Receiving praise from him made your chest swell. You wanted nothing more than to please this man you were rapidly falling for. He sat up, legs folded under his body, and slowly slid his hands under the hem of your oversized t-shirt. You felt his hands still on your stomach and looked up from where you were laying on your pillows to see what had made him freeze.

He met your gaze with a devilish grin, “Baby girl…” his thumbs run small circles on your skin, “Did you wear this for me?” 

When you realize what he’s talking about, you hide your face and groan into your hands. You completely forgot that you were still in your old Red Riot t-shirt that you usually slept in. “Oh my god, this is so embarrassing!” you mumbled behind your palms.

Kirishima chuckled and shushed you, “No, no, no… This is the sexiest thing you could have possibly worn.” He pulls the hem of your t-shirt up to expose your tummy, burying his face in the soft skin there. Gentle kisses were placed all along the waistline of your leggings, every squishy part and every little stretchmark that decorated your skin like tiny spiderwebs were lovingly caressed with his plush lips. Having the part of your body you were the most self-conscious of worshiped like this felt more vulnerable than sex.

As the kisses traveled higher, they became sloppier and more desperate. You lifted your arms to allow him to remove your shirt, exposing your plain white cotton bra. The feel of his stubble against your skin as he moaned into your cleavage sent shivers down your body. Instead of paying attention to your neglected nipples, his warm mouth carved a path up the column of your throat, head thrown back to give him as much access as possible.

Kirishima whispered against the tender skin under your earlobe, “This okay, baby?” two large fingers dip into the front of your leggings. You nod enthusiastically, unable to form a coherent answer, “Mmm… I need words, sweet thing. You can do that for me, can’t you?”

“Yes… it’s more than okay,” your chests are touching as he works his hand down the front of your pants.

When Kirishima’s thick fingers slid between your drenched folds, you arched your back and grasped his forearm. Slowly, he spread your slick around, dancing past your clit with each stroke. His teasing was turning you into a whimpering mess underneath him. 

He had all the time in the world and having you melt underneath his touch was the best way he could hope to spend it. After what felt like an eternity of him gently brushing against you, only slightly dipping into your needy hole and barely grazing your clit, you were openly panting and whining. A steady stream of praises flowed from his lips.

“You’re such a pretty girl… such a pretty little pussy.”

“Look at how wet you are for me. Like this, huh? My pretty girl likes my fingers teasing her?”

“I can’t wait to lick my fingers clean. You’re gonna taste so sweet.”

You were so worked up that tears began to form in your eyes, “Eji… I-“

“Hmm? What is it, baby girl? Need something?” His finger drags around your clit slowly, adding a fraction more pressure. 

“Please, I need more Eji,” your nails digging into his forearm were leaving little crescents in his thick skin.

“Sweet girl,” he meets your mouth with a slow, wet kiss, “you can have whatever you want.”

Without hesitation, he sits up and pulls your leggings down with your panties. A groan rattles his large chest when he sees a thread of your slick attached to the crotch. Once his face is buried in between your thighs, it’s a real possibility he might come just from eating you out. 

All the teasing had brought him to the edge as well and he was out of patience. With a few hurried kisses to each thigh, he dove into your dripping cleft. His tongue plunged into your core as he nudged his nose into your puffy clit. 

You cry out and convulse around his face. His arms wrap around your thighs, firmly but gently holding your legs open to give him full access to eat you as thoroughly as possible. When he moves to suck your clit, you know you won’t last much longer. As he nurses on your sensitive nub, you feel the familiar tightening in your lower body. He picks up on this and moans into your skin as he greedily sucks. 

“Ahh… Ahh, I’m- I’m gonna….”

“Oh that’s it,” he encourages you by praising you and massaging your thighs in his massive hands, “let me have it, baby girl. Come on, I’ve got you, I’ve got you.”

Your toes curl and back arches as you’re thrown over the edge. “Oh FUCK!! Coming, coming…. ooooh god… ahh D-daddy!…”

“Daddy, is it? Goddamn”

Kirishima felt his dick twitch and his breath caught in his throat.

He wipes his face on the back of his hands and makes a show of licking his fingers clean as he leans over you, nose touching yours.

“What was that baby?” His voice was strained as he pressed his dick into the warm, damp skin of your thigh…

You bat your lashes and ghost your lips over his as you whisper, “Daddy… please let me ride you. I need you inside me.” The nail in Kirishima’s coffin was when you licked his bottom lip then quickly followed with a chaste kiss.

You waste no time wrapping your thighs around his waist and twisting. He follows your lead and lays flat on his back letting you straddle him. You grab the hem of his shirt and similarly tease him, leaving a trail of kisses along his broad stomach. Kirishima flinches a little, self-conscious of his skin and how soft his middle had gotten over the years. You meet his eyes as you pull his shirt over his broad shoulders and run your hands back down his body. 

“Mmm, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this,” hands and eyes roamed over the expanse of skin in front of you, “It’s even better than in my dreams.”

He wondered for the hundredth time how got this lucky. You really loved his body? Maybe… maybe he wasn’t in as bad of shape as he thought…

“No,” his hands rubbed your hips, kneading your soft skin, “You’re better than I’d ever hoped to find.” He sits upon the headboard and pulls you closer into his lap, “Now,” he pulls your hair free of the messy bun, “Can you be a good girl and come on my cock?”

You lift your hips and place his tip at your entrance. That alone caused a delicious stretch and you knew it would be a slow process getting him to fit comfortably.

“Yes, Daddy,” your hands wrapped around his neck and he growled as he pulled you into a rough kiss.

“Good fuckin girl.” 

He helped lower you onto his cock with lots of kisses, praises, and gentle squeezes. When you got closer to his base, the pain was too much for a moment. Kirishima used his thumb to rub circles into your clit, shushing you sweetly against your parted mouth. 

“Are you okay, baby?” He brushes your hair off your sweaty forehead with his free hand while his other is still working your clit over.

“Yes, Daddy,” you whisper, “You fill me up so well. I love your massive cock filling me up.”

“You’re gonna make me crazy, you know that? Huh?” He pulls your lower lip into his mouth and sucks. You both sit for a while, exchanging kisses and whispers while you adjust to his girth.

“Are you ready to move now, sweet girl?” 

“Yes, Daddy…” he helps you move, dragging your hips up and down his shaft.

After a few deep thrusts, you both increase your pace, matching each other’s movements. It’s not long before your head is thrown back, tears escaping the corners of your eyes. Loud moans and curses escape your mouth as one nipple is pulled into Kirishima’s mouth.

“Oh, Daddy! Fuck, fuck! Right there, right there… I… I’m… AHH!” Before you can even say anything, you’ve come undone, spasming around his cock. 

“Oh, good girl, good fuckin girl,” you go limp and bury your face into his neck while he slams your hips onto his, chasing his release. The feeling of him using your body to get off makes you dizzy with joy. You lean into his ear whispering, “Please come inside me. Wanna feel you come inside me, Daddy… please, need your come inside me, Daddy.” 

Your slurred pleas against his ear send him over the edge into a mind-numbing orgasm. As he comes down from his high and looks into your face full of adoration, he knows he’s caught… hook, line, and sinker. 

*****

The rest of the evening is spent eating cookies on your couch, drinking cider, and watching your favorite crime drama. The sweet kisses and touches sprinkled throughout the night feel so natural… Like you’ve been together for years instead of hours. 

You end up with Kirishima’s head in your lap, running your fingers through his hair as he closes his eyes and relaxes into your touch. The clock on your wall reads 12:30 am and it dawns on you what day it officially is.

“Eji?”

“Hmm?” He opens one eye and reaches up to scratch your scalp. 

“Will you be my valentine?” You bite your bottom lip to stifle a silly grin.

He sits up and pulls you into a bear hug. 

“What kinda silly question is that? Of course. I don’t ever want another valentine besides you.”

Your heart explodes and you kiss him, grabbing his cheeks in both hands. 

“Sixteen-year-old me is absolutely losing her shit right now,” you giggle, rubbing his nose with yours.

“Well,” he grabs your ass and raises an eyebrow, “Forty-two-year-old me is losing his shit right now over finding such a sweet girl with such a sweet ass on her,” he nips at your neck and you squeal.

“Ooh, you ready for another round, old man?”

He growls and throws you over his shoulder. A swift spank to your ass causes you to burst into a fit of laughter. 

“Oh, so I’m dealing with a brat now? You want me to show you what this old man does to little brats?” He squeezes your thighs as he makes his way to the bedroom. 

“But I’m your good girl! Remember?!”

“Yeah, yeah… We’ll see about that.”

[sunlight-moonrise]

Satisfied Curiosity (Reid Imagine)

Summary: Bartender!Reader does everything she can to get the cute FBI agent’s attention. 

A/N: This wasn’t suppose to be so long or late, but my mind got the best of me. Big Thanks to @spencer-reid-in-a-pool and @reidetic​​ for being amazing Betas (you guys are precious!). This story would be utterly unintelligible without them. Also thank you to everyone who showed love to my first fic. I didn’t expect for it to receive half of the attention it was given. I’m super grateful and I hope to provide more for you all. Enjoy!

Category: Smut

Content Warnings: Sexting, Oral (Male Receiving), Fingering, Penetrative Sex, Rough Sex, Degradation

Word Count: 9.1K (sorry, not sorry)

Masterlist

I’d like to think that I’m able to read people pretty well. Since working as a bartender for the past five years, I can examine an individual and have their personality down pat. Facial expressions, body language, posture, gestures. All these things are basically words to a story that I am able to put together.

My thought process was cut off when I noticed these two guys sitting at the end of the bar. I regarded them momentarily. They don’t look like the typical bar patron, their clothing a little too unseemly for a place like this. They were surveying the area as if looking for something. 

I got a side profile of the tan Hispanic man. He had dark curly hair and trimmed facial hair. He was talking lowly to the man he was sitting with, their eyes still skimming all over their surroundings. I couldn’t get a good look at the other guy since his back was to me.

They sat tall, their bodies alert to any movement. It was as if it was their first time at a bar, but I know they were not uncomfortable here. There were no jittery movements from what I can see; no telltale signs that they were nervous. They also were not paying much attention to the people around them, focusing more on random spots within the place. Weird. Are they inspectors? Nah, that can’t be. Drew always gives us a heads up when visitors come. Plus, we got checked a few weeks ago.

The two finally turned towards my direction, and I was able to see the other guy. Wow, he was hot. Like very hot. Loose brown curls sat wildly on his head, looking as if he just rolled out of bed. He had a light stubble going on, highlighting the sharpness of his jaw. Damn, I bet I’d cut myself just touching it. He had a beautiful pair of pink lips. I quickly turned my attention to his left hand, noticing the lack of a ring. No wife, good. Now I need to make sure he doesn’t have a girlfriend or fiancée waiting for him at home.

I trailed my eyes upward, noticing that he was staring at me as well. I felt my face heat up when I saw him smirk. Damn, he caught me checking him out. His companion was also looking at me expectantly. They probably have been trying to get my attention for a while now, most likely to order some drinks. I made my way towards them, smoothing my hands over my jeans.

“Evening fellas, would you like to see a menu?” I asked as I placed some napkins in front of them.

“No thanks, but my partner and I would like to ask you some questions…” said the Hispanic man with a small pause. He quickly looked at my name tag before looking back at me “…(Y/N)”

The fuck? Partners? I didn’t think they were a couple. I did a quick glance over at them. Two Alpha males in a relationship rarely ever work out. They were not physically close to one another either. Sigh, you always fall for the ones you can’t get.

I didn’t answer them, still mentally distraught over this taken man. I’m sure they took my silence as confusion because the Hispanic man went on to explain, “I’m Luke Alvez and this here is Dr. Spencer Reid,” they flashed their badges, showing me some credentials. “We’re with the FBI.” Oh. I glanced toward Dr. Reid, a smile tugging on my lips. Score, we’re back in business.

I figured I might be here for a while so I got myself comfortable. Well, as comfortable as I can get standing behind a bar. I leaned towards them, my hands resting on the bar top. “Well, in that case, fire away.”

“Have you noticed any males here who arrived by themselves? This man likely sits alone, only interacts with women. He presents himself as a charming gentleman. His head would be facing downwards if he were sitting at the bar and he would probably wear some kind of hat to shield himself,” asked Luke.

“That’s roughly 50% of my male patrons, you’ll have to be more specific.”

“Yea, I should have figured that is not much to go by.”

I turned my attention back to the doctor who has yet to say a word, noticing that he was once again looking at random spots around the bar. “Your friend here is awfully quiet.”

At my comment, Spencer finally looked at me. I am sure that time stopped as his honey-colored eyes stared deeply into my own. If it wouldn’t come off strange, I’d stared at them all day.

He eventually turned away from me, “This place has a lot of blind spots.” He pointed to one corner by the back and another near the billiards table. It took a moment for me to comprehend what he was saying since I was distracted by the sound of his voice. He could probably recite Shakespeare and I’d think it was erotica.

He continued talking, oblivious of my swooning. “The man we are looking for does not want to be seen, he’ll know where to be so that the camera can’t spot him. He’ll likely bring the woman he’s talking to there or even over there,” he pointed to another spot, this time it was a small crook partially hidden behind a wall.

“The area by the restroom entrance also has no camera at all so he’ll possibly spend some time there as well,” he finished.

“I’d think I’ll notice some creep hanging near the bathrooms all night,” I remarked. “However, we have a security room in the back if you want to look over some footage.” I pointed to a door opposite the kitchen’s entrance.

“That’ll be very useful, thanks,” Luke reached into his pocket and took out his phone. He turned to Spencer saying “I’ma call Garcia, see if she can run some facial recognition on this guy.” With that, he walked to the security room.

I focused my attention back on Spencer, hoping he’ll stay here a bit longer. “May I ask you a question?”

“You just did,” he said, the damn smirk on his face once again. Smartass. 

“Haha, I’m serious,” He didn’t say anything, which I took as my cue to continue. “What exactly does someone like you do in the FBI?”

“Someone like me?” he repeated.

“Well, you do not look like a typical agent,” I stated, and he just raised a single eyebrow at me. “Not to say that you’re probably bad at your job. I’m sure that you’re amazing at whatever it is that you do. I’d just like to know exactly what it is. Like what does your job entail…” Great, out of all times for my motor mouth to talk off, it chose this moment.

Spencer didn’t say anything and the awkward pause was killing me. I wanted to grab his gun and shoot myself in the foot. He probably thought I was insulting him. He continued to watch me as I fidgeted under his stare.

Finally, he decided to show me some mercy. “I use psychology to profile and find people,” he put it simply.

“That’s it?” I questioned.

“Pretty much,” he stated evenly, focusing his attention on the napkin in front of him. His body was slightly tenser than before, telling me that he was uncomfortable. I decided to drop the topic.

I scanned his being in an attempt to find something, anything that would allow me to continue talking to him. He beat me to it. “Which Sherlock portrayal are you a fan of?”

I was momentarily confused as to how he knew I was a fan. “Um, I started watching BBC’s Sherlock but I find the books to be much more interesting than the show. Are you a fan?”  

“Of the books, yes. I haven’t had the chance to watch any of the series or films. I always find that reading offers a better experience. That’s a nice pin you have by the way.” 

Pin? I looked down and remembered my “I am Sherlocked” pin clasped next to my name tag. Gosh, I feel like an idiot. Just when I was going to reply, I saw Luke stepping out of the security room. 

I turned back towards Spencer, who was digging his hand into his pocket. He pulled out a card and gave it to me. “The number of the precinct we are helping is on here. If you have any further information, you should contact them.”

What, no. I don’t want him to leave yet. “But what if I want to talk to you more?”

“My number is on the back.” I flipped the card around and was greeted by a ten-digit code sprawled out in blue ink.

A smile adorned my face as I looked back at him. “How did you do that?” There’s not even a pen near his hands. Unless he carries all these cards with his number on it, which I severely doubt.

“You ask a lot of questions,” he stated.

“I’m a naturally curious person.”

He paused for a moment to dart his tongue across his lips. He made sure to look into my eyes before saying “You know that curiosity killed the cat.”

“But satisfaction brought it back.”

He gave a low laugh, “Touché.”

Just then Luke walked back to us, his phone to his ear. “C’mon man. The team needs us back at the station. There’s been another victim.” 

“We’ll talk later,” Spencer said to me. My heart skipped a beat at his words. I felt like a kid who had a childhood crush.

Spencer got up and with one last glance at my direction, the two of them headed out the door.

Well, there goes the best part of my day. I’m being selfish wishing that he would have stayed behind. The man is here to find a criminal, not get his dick sucked. I folded the card and slid it into my pocket before grabbing a rag. These shot glasses aren’t going to clean themselves.

●The Next Day●

I spent the last few hours debating on whether or not I should text Spencer. I tried to distract myself with mundane activities. I watched TV, did my chores, even attempted to read a book, but nothing kept my interest. I grabbed the card that was sitting idly on my dresser, pondering on what to do.

You shouldn’t. But I’m bored and he’s cute. He’s an FBI agent for crying out loud. He got important things to do. What’s the worst that can happen? You could get arrested for obstruction of justice. Or I can get closer to him and find out more about him.

It is settled. I added Spencer’s number to my contacts and perched myself on my bed before sending a short text.

‘Hello Dr. Reid.’ I waited a minute, then two, then three, anxiously hoping for a response back. This was a bad idea, he’s probably at another bar trying to catch this guy. I should just delete his number and make myself a sandwich.

Right when I was going to do just that, my phone vibrated. I never opened my messages so fast in my life.

‘(Y/N). Is everything okay?’

A smile broke across my face as I pondered on what to send him. Should I keep everything cute and sweet? Nah. That’s boring. Should I send some salacious texts? No, he’ll probably think I am some kind of skank. Perhaps I should go for the playful persona?

I finally decided to type out a message, not wanting him to wait any longer. I don’t need him thinking that I’m in actual danger because I don’t know how to respond to a simple text.

‘I’m more than okay now that you’re here.’

I didn’t have to wait long before his next text came in. ‘Is there something that you need?’

Oh Spencer, if only you knew. However, what I want cannot be attained at the moment. I quickly typed across my keypad, ‘That’s a loaded question.’

Apparently he did not like that since his next reply was, ‘I don’t have time for this. I am working right now.’

Well shit, should I stop? Hell no, we are in too deep. Besides, he could always choose to ignore my messages instead of responding. And he did give me his number instead of just leaving me with the precinct’s. With that in mind, I typed out a text and quickly pressed send before I started second-guessing my choices again.

‘So you don’t want to talk to me?’

Again, I didn’t have to wait long for his next message to come through. ‘You should only contact me if you have information pertinent to the man we are looking for.’

That’s bullshit. Why give me your number if you didn’t want me to talk to you? ‘You said we’ll continue the conversation later. It’s later.’

‘Later, When I am not working.’ he clarified.

If I were a smart girl, I would have left this alone so that he could work peacefully. But I’m not. ‘All work and no play makes for a grumpy doctor. Don’t you want some entertainment?’

‘You’re acting childish.’

I couldn’t help but grin at his statement. If only he knew. Well, I could drop him a hint or two. ‘I’ve been compared to a brat before.’

‘I’m not surprised.’

‘I’m a glutton for punishment, agent.’

‘Do you want me to deliver?’

My breath caught in my throat. Could it be? Does Dr. Reid have a darker side to him? Or maybe I’m reading too deeply into this. I don’t care, I’m having too much fun at the possibility of this man having a more unhinged side to him. I wanted to see it. I decided to be cheeky with him, ‘You’d like that, wouldn’t you Sir.’

‘What are you trying to get at?’ One step forward and two steps back. I guess profiling and mind-reading are not one and the same if he has to ask me this. Or maybe he isn’t used to someone asking him to dick them down without outright saying they want him to dick them down.

‘I said it already, I just want to talk to you.’

It took a couple of minutes for his reply to come through. ‘We’ll talk later.’

I decided to give Spencer a break. I got what I wanted with his earlier comment. I ended everything with an ‘I’ll hold you to that,’ and put my phone down. I looked at the clock on my bedside table and saw that an hour had passed. I guess time really does fly when you’re having fun. I might as well start getting ready for work.

●●●

Four hours into my shift and the crowd near the bar was barely manageable. I’m not a big fan of working Friday evenings. I easily get annoyed with the sloppy drunks who think they could hook up with any of the workers but the tips usually make up for it at the end of the night.

I was grabbing some bottles of beer when all of a sudden I got a twisted feeling in my gut. I felt the hairs in the back of my neck stand up, and not in a good way. Call it a sixth sense, but I suspected that something was wrong, very wrong. I placed the bottles down and looked at the countless customers littered around the bar top. My eyes landed on this man who was giving off some creepy vibes.

I’d like to think I had a pretty good memory and this guy was definitely new. He was hunched over, eyes looking at the menu on the table. He was rapidly tapping his finger on top of the table, so I assumed he was feeling uneasy. Every once in a while, his head would peek up, as if he was searching the crowd for someone. He had a baseball cap on, the hat pressed tightly down on his head, his blond hair barely peeking through.  

From what I can see he was attractive enough. A full-on beard decorated his face. He had on a leather jacket and a fitted shirt; seemingly trying to give off bad boy vibes. I started making my way towards him, “Is there anything you’d like to order?”

“That depends, are you on the menu?” Ugh. Gag. If I had a dollar for every time some Casanova wannabe used that line on me, I could pay for two months of my rent. He had a smile on his face that could be charismatic but I just found it downright disturbing.

“Food and drinks only. Sorry to disappoint.”

“That’s fine sweetheart, I’ll have whatever beer y’all got on tap.” As I walked away, I could feel his eyes leering at me. Should I text Spencer? No, I dealt with creeps before, this is nothing new. 

I turned back to where Mr. Creepy Guy was previously sitting but he was no longer occupying the seat. Fuck. I took a look around the crowded pub, hoping to spot him. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you see it, I did. He was near the bathroom entrance talking to some girl who hardly looked like she could keep herself up.

Shit, I should get Spencer right now. I pondered on whether I should call him but figured that he wouldn’t be able to hear me over the volume of the crowd. I hurriedly pull my phone out of my pocket, trying my best to send the message as fast as my shaky hands can manage.

‘I’m pretty sure the man you’re looking for is here. You should bring some officers ASAP.’

Come on, Come on, Come on, have your cell on you. My phone vibrated, alerting me of a message. Oh thank god yes. ‘Are you serious?’ it read.

What the? Does he think I’m pranking him or something? I angrily typed on my screen, ‘This isn’t exactly something I will joke about Spencer.’

‘We’ll be there soon’ came his simple response. Okay, good. Now I just need to make sure that this guy doesn’t try to escape.

I looked back up and saw Mr. Creepy Guy still near the restrooms. One of his hands was holding on to the girl’s arm and I just knew he was trying to get her out of here. Spencer and company won’t arrive fast enough. I have to do something to make him stay longer.

I turned to my co-bartender, Manny, “I am going to take a 10 minute break.” I didn’t give him a chance to respond before I opened the small door dividing us from the crowd and made my way to Mr. Creepy Guy.

Once I got to the two of them, I spewed the first thing that came to mind, “Uh, excuse me. You um, forgot your drink. You know, the beer. That you ordered. At the bar earlier. About 10 minutes ago.” God, I looked like an idiot, but I couldn’t risk saying something that made him apprehensive.

Mr. Creepy guy sneered at me, “Yeah. I didn’t want it anymore.” Well, who shit in your cereal, mister. Oh right, that would be me. I gotta keep him a bit more distracted.

“Well if you order something, you gotta pay for it. Bar’s policy.” He continued to glare at me upset that I was being a cockblocker. Or more appropriately a murderblocker. Realizing that I wasn’t going away soon, he pulled a bill from his pocket before throwing it at me.  Wow I wonder where his pleasant attitude disappeared to.

I turned my attention to this poor girl and noticed she wasn’t looking too good. I assumed she was drunk but she looked way off it; as if she had been drugged or something.

Fucking hell, she probably has been. She can’t stand on her own two feet and she could barely stop her eyes from drooping downwards.

“Your friend here doesn’t look too good,” I commented, my hand already going towards the arm he wasn’t currently holding on to.

“She’s fine. We were just about to leave, right Sarah?” he asked the girl. ‘Sarah’ didn’t say a word, too busy trying her best to not crash down on the floor.

“Nonsense, we can’t have you leaving in such a state, it would look bad on us,” I improvised. “We’ll give her something real quick to help sober her up.” I hastily scanned the room, spotting Hannah, one of my coworkers, a few feet away.

“Hey Hannah,” I shouted, garnering her attention. I gestured for her to come here and she started walking over. When she stood in front of us, I pried ‘Sarah’ out of Mr. Creepy Guy’s hold and gently ushered her into Hannah’s arms.

“This is Sarah and she’s not feeling all that well. Can you tell Manny to give her the Queen’s special?” Hannah instantly knew what was up. The Queen’s special is our code name for helping those who we believe are in an uncomfortable or dangerous situation. Most of the time, the person is coherent enough to ask for help, but for these kinds of scenarios we’ll have to rely on our own wits.

The two walked, or in Sarah’s case, stumbled away. Hannah managed to give Mr. Creepy Guy a glare which he openly returned in my direction. I gave him a small smile, hoping he didn’t get suspicious and try to leave.

“She’ll be right back, would you like that beer while you wait?” I asked. 

“No, you did enough,” He jeered, taking slow steps back. I could have sworn he muttered ‘fucking bitch’ as he disappeared in the crowd, no doubt hightailing it out of here.

Crap, I should follow him. At least I’ll be able to tell the cops what direction he went or what his license plate number is. I started walking to the exit, shoving my way through the sweaty mass of people.

Once I got to the door, I pushed it open feeling the cool air hit my face. I looked around, trying to see if I could find Mr. Creepy Guy but to no avail. I walked a few steps down, searching to see if he went down an alley or something.

The place was eerily quiet and my nerves were starting to get the best of me. I suddenly felt a hand roughly grab my shoulder and let out an ear-piercing scream. I whirled around, my hand already in a fist to punch the living daylight out of this person.

Right when my hand was going to make contact, a hand closed around my fist. No problem, I’ll just kick you in the shin. My leg was about to leave the ground when I heard a stern “Calm down (Y/N).”

I know that voice. For the first time, I looked up and saw that it was Spencer behind me. I never realized beforehand how easily he towered over my form. He released my hand and I leaned my body against the wall next to me. The adrenaline from earlier leaving me.

“What the fuck Spencer, a little warning next time,” I angrily shouted at him. “You could have said my name before grabbing me or just tapped my shoulder. I don’t like being manhandled.”

“I severely doubt that,” he whispered. Wait, what. “Is the man still inside?” he asked in a louder voice than before.

“Um no. That’s the reason why I came out here. I was trying to find where he went.”

“And you decided to check an alleyway.” I casted my eyes down, paying attention to a piece of gravel on the floor. The tone of voice he was using made me feel as if I was in trouble. “Do you know what kind of danger you just put yourself in?  What if it was him behind you instead of me just now?” he chastised.

“I was fighting back,” I retorted.

“And you were losing that fight. You had no weapon of any kind to help defend yourself. You are no match for a fully grown male who sees girls like you as nothing but property,” Spencer snapped.

I felt miffed that he was scolding me about my safety but a pathetic part of me was turned on as well. I decided to switch this conversation back to what was important. “He’s a Caucasian man. About 5’9 with dirty blonde hair and facial hair. He had a Salem Red Sox cap and a faux black leather jacket. Burgundy henley shirt with black washed jeans and white Adidas,” I recounted from my memory.

He recited everything word for word into his radio. “Go back inside, we’ll take care of it from here.”

“You’re fucking welcome by the way,” I sarcastically stated. Before I could blink, Spencer slammed his hands on either side of my head and was staring intently into my eyes. I felt my heart rate pick up instantly. I didn’t know whether to be scared or horny so my body decided on both.

He had a carnal look in his eyes and I felt a light shiver run down my spine. His tongue darted out, wetting his lips. It was as if it happened in slow motion, my eyes hungrily following the movement. He opened his mouth to speak and I was eagerly anticipating his words.

“Reid, come in. We need you for backup.” What the..? It was then that I noticed his comms were still on and one of his team members was trying to get his attention.

“Go back inside,” Spencer repeated, “We’ll continue this later.” Yeah fucking right. This is the third time you’ve told me this in the thirty hours I’ve known you. Nevertheless, I obeyed but it wasn’t because he told me; it was because I got paid by the hour and I was already gone for over fifteen minutes. At least that’s what I kept telling myself as I walked back inside.

I turned around to get a glimpse of his retreating form but he was already gone.

●●●

It was past midnight and I had about forty-five minutes left until my shift ended. The place was a lot emptier right now, which is pretty shocking. However, I’m guessing no one wanted to be around and get wasted when the cops were roaming about barely an hour ago.

I was pouring some shots for this couple when I felt a vibration in my pocket. I finished serving the duo before fishing my phone out, opening my messages straight away. ‘We caught the guy.’

I didn’t bother reading the name, knowing already who it was. Is it wrong of me to be a bit upset? I’m happy there’s one less criminal on the streets but I wanted to see Spencer some more.

Hmmm. There’s still a chance to make something happen, but I can’t mess it up. I quickly typed, ‘I should get a reward. I did help you catch the guy.’

I assumed that I’d have to wait a few minutes for him to respond but that was not the case. ‘And what is it that you want?’ It’s now or never.

‘You.’

I’m guessing he had his phone glued to him right now because his reply was immediate. ‘You don’t know who you’re dealing with.’

‘I’m not scared Spencer.’ If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he didn’t want me. But all the heated moments we had shared thus far had to have meant something.

‘You should be, I’m not the man that you need.’ was his reply.

I decided to be a bit cheeky, remembering that it gave me some results when I was messaging him earlier today. ‘You’re a man and I am in need, that’s more than enough for me. Save the rest for the pillow talk.’

I didn’t even get to put my phone down before his next text arrived. ‘This isn’t a good idea.’

Damn, this man is a hard nut to crack, but he has made me stubborn for him. I guess I’ll have to use my ultimate weapon.

Taking note of my surroundings, I dimmed the brightness of my phone and made sure to keep it close to my body. I don’t need any of the customers or coworkers to have a sneak peek into my secret album. I opened the app that holds all of my inappropriate photos, pondering on which one I should send to Spencer.

My eyes landed on one I took pretty recently. I’m not trying to sound conceited or anything but I looked fucking hot. It was erotic and sensual, but not overly so.

I was lying on my bed, one hand holding onto my chest while the other held the phone up. My fingers were spread apart, allowing for the taunt nipple of my left breast to peek out. The dim lighting of the lamp helped accentuate the curves of my body. The picture includes the lower half of my face, where I was biting down on my lower lip. I was wearing a white lacy thong that barely left anything for the imagination.

I quickly clicked on the photo and made it so that he’ll have to download the image before seeing it. I added the caption Warning, it’s a bit NSFW, before hitting send. Crossing my fingers, I hoped for a reply soon.

I waited and waited but my phone did not notify me of any new messages. Five minutes have passed and I was shit out of luck. Welp I tried. Now I gotta pick up my pride from the floor.

Suddenly, I felt my phone vibrate and I felt happiness immediately taking over. At first, I thought it was a text message, except the vibrations kept going and going. Realization hit me, it’s an incoming call. I grabbed it quickly, a small squeal leaving my mouth when I saw Spencer’s name appear. I accepted the call and put it towards my ear.

“Hello Dr. Reid, to what do I---“

“When does your shift end?” he interrupted. Well hot damn, no waiting around now huh.

“20 minutes,” came my simple reply.

“I’ll be outside,” and with that, he hung up the phone. Wow, I can’t believe that actually worked.

The next 20 minutes were by far the slowest time has ever went. I kept glancing at the clock, watching as each minute passed at a pain strikingly slow pace. Once it was 12:58 A.M, I already had my bag on my shoulder with my hand on the dividing door.

I made a quick mental check on the inventory I had in my purse. Wallet, check. Phone charger, check. Travel toothbrush, check. Bobby Pins, check. Condom, check. Deodorant, check. Extra panty, check. Yup, I’m ready. I’ve had too many spontaneous sleepovers to not be prepared for evenings like this.

I looked at the time and saw that it was finally 1:00 A.M. I zipped right out of here, making sure to shout my goodbyes as I made my way to the exit. Once out the door, I turned towards the corner and immediately spotted Spencer waiting for me.

I made my way towards him with the biggest smile on my face. “Hi, Spencer.”

“Get in,” he demanded.

“Why the haste?” I asked with a teasing tone behind my words.

“I’ve wasted enough time when it comes to you.” That’s a good enough reason for me. He got in the driver seat while I made my way to the passenger’s side, placing my bag on the floor near my feet.

“My house is a 20-minute drive,” I informed him. “You’ll just have to make a lef—“

“No,” he cut me off. “The hotel I am staying at is 10 minutes away from here.” And this is why I always pack the necessities.

“Alright, you’re in charge, Sir.”

Spencer didn’t respond to my little quip, choosing instead to turn the car on. Fine, play that game of yours. As soon as I put my seat belt on, he pulled out and started driving.

We’ve only been in the car for a couple of minutes before I got a bit antsy. I never did like quiet rides. I turned to him “What took you so long to get Mr. Creepy guy?”

His eyes fleetingly dashed towards my direction before focusing back on the road. “Who?”

“The man that you were looking for,” I clarified.

“We had to be sure it was him,” he stated.

“My description wasn’t enough for you.”

“It was helpful but we had to be certain. He eventually confessed to the crimes while under custody.”

“Oh,” I said. “Umm do you have a girlfriend?” A girl gotta make sure that she wasn’t becoming a homewrecker.

“A. What,” he asked. I’m pretty sure he heard me but I repeated myself anyway.

“A girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Somebody waiting for you at home?”

“I do not. I am not in a committed relationship.”

“That’s cool. Neither am I if you’re wondering,” I said. “So did you like my picture?” Apparently, my mouth does not know when to stop. Although I must admit, I’m curious to know what he thought of it.

We stopped at a red light and he gazed at me before saying “I was with my team when I got your little message. They were wondering why I got quiet all of a sudden.” I would have laughed if he didn’t have such a dark look on his face. “I did not appreciate their curiosity as to what was going on.” The light turned green, and he started driving faster now. Do FBI agents get speedy tickets for booty calls?

“Does that mean you did not like it?”

Spencer didn’t respond and I was about to ask him something else when I realized the car was parked. Oh we’re here, that was fast. He got out and went to open my door for me.

“Wow, what a gentleman.” Still no response from him. I picked up my bag and hopped out while he closed the door behind me. He made sure to lock it before grabbing my hand and leading me to the hotel’s entrance.

I couldn’t even appreciate the interior of the place since Spencer was dragging me to the elevators. He finally spoke after pressing the button for the doors to open. “I’m giving you one more chance to turn back.”

“And miss out on the fun, no way.”

The doors to the lift opened and we stepped inside. They didn’t even close fully before he pushed me against the wall and crashed his lips against mine. Fuck, the moan that left my body was embarrassingly loud; I am sure the receptionists heard it.

I went to put my arms around Spencer’s neck but he grabbed my hands and pinned them to the wall before my fingers could even touch his shoulder.  His knee drew my legs apart, resting in between my thighs. A shudder ran through me, which caused him to tighten his hands around my wrists. I liked that he was releasing the wilder side of him; the side that he kept hidden from others.

He sucked my bottom lip between his and bit down on it. Instinctively, I opened my mouth which he took as a green light to plunge his tongue inside. It was sloppy, it was raunchy, but I loved it.

I was about to start grinding my pelvis against his knee when the elevator doors dinged open. As quickly as he came upon me, he pulled apart. Spencer grabbed my hand once again and tugged me down a hallway. After a few steps, we stopped in front of the door and he went to grab his key from his pocket.

I took the moment to admire him. He was still wearing what I assumed to be his work clothes. His hair looked even more messy than usual. I’d like to think that he was running his hands through it while debating on what to do with me. His eyes seemed darker, no longer the honey orbs I was captivated by the day prior. Nonetheless, they were still beautiful. His lips, my god those lips of his. Puffed out and more pink than normal. I just wanted to kiss him again.

Spencer opened the door to his room holding it open for me. Once we were inside, with the door fully closed this time, he pulled me into another hungry kiss. One of his hands held my face as the other landed on my waist. I dropped my purse on the floor, my hands promptly losing themselves in his hair.

My mouth immediately opened up, wanting to feel his tongue pressed alongside mine once more. He used the hand that was holding my waist to pull me closer until I was flushed against his body. I felt hot. Too hot. I wanted to rip off my clothes and his at this very moment.

Suddenly his face pulled away, much to my disappointment. We were trying to catch our breath as we looked at one another.

“I want you on your knees,” he rasped. I’d love nothing more but we wouldn’t be here if I were obedient.

“And if I say no?” I asked.

“Don’t pretend you’re some kind of bad girl because we both know that is far from the truth.”

“Your profiling skills need some work if you think I am a good girl who follows the rules.”

He tightened his grip on my waist. “I never said you were a good girl.”

“Then what am I?”

“You’re a cock hungry dirty whore who is going to get on her knees or be bent over mine. Your choice.” Well, who am I to argue against such logic. Although the idea of being spanked by him is exciting, I rather see him come undone by me. And on me.

I slowly sunk down to my knees as Spencer started removing his belt and unbuttoning his slacks. I helped him drag his pants and boxers down, low enough to unveil his hard dick. My mouth salivated at the sight of him and I pressed my thighs closer together. Maybe I am a cock hungry dirty whore.

I placed one hand on him, feeling the heated skin against my cooler palm. His dick gave a slight twitch at the difference in temperatures. I closed my hand, delighted by the fact that I couldn’t fit my whole first around his cock. Leaning forward, I placed a small tentative kiss on the head. I glanced up, seeing that he had his poker face on.

Now that wouldn’t do, I want to see Spencer Reid lose control because of me.

I pulled my hand back and brought it to my face. I licked the length of my palm before placing it at the base of his cock again. My opposite hand settled on his thigh to help balance myself. I leaned forward once more and lightly licked the tip before placing it inside my mouth. I sucked gently while firmly grasping the base. He rewarded me with a small grunt.

I moved down, slowly taking him inch by inch. I made sure to get him as wet as I can while gliding my lips against him. My hand pumped the remaining length that couldn’t fit in my mouth. He started to become more and more erect.

“You like this don’t you?” Spencer groaned out, “You’re such a filthy slut for me.” How is it possible that the sound of his voice is making me aroused? He placed his hands on my hair, fisting his fingers among the locks.

I moaned at his words, bobbing my head up and down at a faster pace. I moved my hand to cup his sac, giving him a gentle massage between my fingers. He gave out a choked sound as he started to slowly thrust his hips.

I drew back and kissed my way down his cock until my lips met my hand. I placed my mouth on one of his balls and gave one a light suck before running my tongue around it. “Fucking hell,” Spencer loudly exclaimed, as I returned the same ministrations to the neglected one.

I pulled away with a small pop and dragged my tongue from base to tip. My eyes looked up at him, and the sight was sexy as fuck. His mouth was opened as he was trying to catch his breath, his face slightly flushed. There was a light sheen of sweat on his forehead and the veins on his neck were more prominent.

I made sure Spencer’s eyes landed on mine as I wrapped my lips around his now full length. He started thrusting more earnestly this time as my hand went back to massaging his balls. I continued eye contact as I bobbed my head up and down on his cock.

He tightened his hands on my hair harshly, which made me more wet. Great, on top of being a cock whore, I am a pain whore. This man is bringing the worst out of me and I’m loving it.

I made sure to hollow my cheeks and swirl my tongue around his head every time I returned back up. I didn’t think I’d have this much fun with a cock in my mouth. Once I dipped my tongue against his slit and firmly clasped my hand over his sac, it was over for him.

Spencer took over and held my head in place as he started to thrust within me. I tried my best to maintain eye contact, despite the tears swelling up. My other hand clutched at the skin of his thigh, raking my nails over him. His groans were a sweet symphony to my ears. Just when I thought he was about to release himself, he stopped and pulled away from me.

“Why’d you stop?” I pouted, my lips feeling very sensitive as they moved against each other.

He panted heavily and loudly, “I don’t want to cum yet.” I couldn’t stop myself from smiling at the sight of him. He was a mess and it was all because of me.

“But I wanted to taste you.” My hand went back to grab him but he stopped me with a sharp tug of my hair.

“Behave or you won’t get a reward for sucking my dick so well,” he said flatly.

Ohh, I’m curious as to what a reward from Spencer Reid entails. He pulled me up and I had to place my hands on his chest for balance. As my legs were regaining feeling, he was staring at my face. I can already imagine what he sees. Tear stained face with puffy eyes and swollen lips. Apparently, he liked the sight because he pulled me into another kiss.

This one was much more tender than our previous kisses. His lips were soft, as if afraid they would irritate my already swollen ones. His hands cradled my head, gently tilting it up so he has better access. His tongue swirled against mine and I was surprised he wasn’t repulsed by his taste on me. So many guys would find this to be disturbing.

Spencer slowly pulled away from me. He looked into my eyes as he said, “I want you to strip then bend over the bed.”

“What if I don’t?” His once gentle hands on my face are now gripping my cheeks, making my lips pucker. He continued to stare at me and it took everything within me not to moan at his actions.

“I think you know what would happen if you don’t, do you really want that?” As much as I would have loved to mess with him some more, I did not want it at the expense of my orgasm. I’m too horny to be acting recklessly. 

I started stepping away from him, doing as he requested. I would have taken my time removing my clothes, but I was too impatient. As I pulled down my panties, I noticed how damp they were. This man has made me wanton and soaked without even touching me yet.

I went over to the bed, placing myself in the desired position. The bed was tall enough where my feet were still firmly on the floor but I didn’t need to bend my knees to keep my stomach flat against the mattress. 

I watched Spencer strip out of his clothes, making note of the mismatched socks he had on. Aww cute. Once he was bare, he walked up behind me and placed his hands on my hips. For a few seconds, he did nothing while I was readily anticipating his next move.

Finally, I felt his hand cup my mound and I gasped at the feeling. “You’re so wet. All of this because you had my cock in that dirty mouth of yours.” I shuddered at his words, the hairs on my arm rising up.

He started rubbing at my lower lips, spreading the arousal that has already formed all over me. “You have nothing to say now that I got my hands on you huh,” he continued, stroking his fingers against my core.

Just when I was about to say something, he sunk a single finger inside me. I inhaled sharply and buried my head into the sheets. I tried my best to move against him but the hand resting on my hip kept me at bay. He was methodical with his actions, pressing his finger against my walls as he moved in and out.

“Your pretty little cunt is taking my finger so well. You think you can handle another one?” I still couldn’t reply to him, too busy trying to even out my breathing. He then entered another finger. I moaned as he started diligently working those dexterous digits inside of me. My pussy was throbbing while he was working wonders.

A loud moan was torn out my body as Spencer’s fingers curled against my G-spot. “Oh you liked that, dirty girl,” he growled out. He curled his fingers once again and I let out an equally loud whine. He continued this every time he returned his fingers back inside of me; my throat releasing a moan whenever he did so. You’d think with all the time I spent staring at his hands that I’d be ready for him but that’s a big no.

My body was warming up and I could feel the heat pooling within me. I was a goner when a third finger entered me. He tightened his hand on my hip and I prayed that it would leave marks. I wanted to admire the bruises when this was all over.

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the pleasure racking my body. I was so close to finding my release. The way I was pulsating around his fingers was a telltale sign that I was upon my release.

“You want to come, dirty girl, you want to come all over my hand?” he fiercely whispered. All I could do was nod against the comforters, my voice long gone by now.

I felt myself pulse and tighten around him. With just one more curl of his fingers, I was about to climax. But he suddenly pulled out and released me.

“What the fuck?” I screeched, voice coming back with a vengeance. “You said I was going to get rewarded you teasing bastard.”

“And you are. Now shut up before I change my mind.” For once, I stayed quiet, only because I really wanted an orgasm. It is the least he could do after making me all hot and bothered.

I turned my head back, wanting to see what Spencer would do next. I whimpered when I saw him put his fingers in his mouth, licking my essence off of him. I watched as he took his time, my pussy continuing to throb at the sight.

“You taste pretty good for such a whore,” he remarked once he was done. I saw him walk towards the nightstand and grab a foil packet. Excitement coursed through my veins, my body barely staying still.

He was behind me once again, and I was ready for him. I felt him rub the head against my lips, pressing down when it met my clit. He continued doing this, moving up and down against me, making sure to coat himself in my arousal. I started to wiggle my hips against him, hoping to gain some more friction.

A loud moan was torn out of my throat when Spencer suddenly grabbed my hips and buried himself inside my pussy. He let out a groan as he stilled within me. We had a moment to adjust to one another before he started rocking against me. He was hitting me deep, touching places that I didn't know were possible.  

“Spencer, you feel so fucking good,” I mewled out, enjoying the feel of his cock against my walls.

He kept a steady rhythm, making sure to pull halfway out before pushing back in. Small moans left my mouth as I tried my best to return his thrusts. His hands on my hips did not allow for much movement, reminding me that he was the one in charge of my pleasure.

My body moved rhythmically against the bed, my sensitive nipples rubbing against the sheet, adding to this blissful feeling. I was burning up from the sensations wrecking my body.

“I want you to touch yourself,” Spencer growled out. I let my hand trailed down my stomach but paused when they got to my lower abdomen. I felt a bump form at my lower abdomen every time he entered me, which only added to my desire. I tightened around him and he let out a groan before giving me a powerful thrust as a warning.

My hand continued its descent to my clit, fingers rubbing against it once they met. Spencer increased the pace, slamming his hips against my ass. My legs started to tremble, my orgasm looming over my body. My hand continued to play with my clit while the other gripped the sheets tightly. I bit down on the comforter, trying my best to quiet down my moans.

One of Spencer’s hands grabbed my hair and pulled my head up. “None of that, I want to hear you. I want everyone in this hotel to know what a filthy little bitch you are. My filthy little whore,” he grunted out.

It was all too much for me. His voice, his cock, his hands. I felt wave after wave of pleasure as my release washed over me. I cried out his name; submitting to the ecstasy my body was experiencing. My muscles went limp as I attempted to return air into my lungs.

I heard Spencer grunt as my pussy pulsed and creamed around him but that did not stop his relentless pace. “Keep touching the clit of yours, I want you to come one more time.”

“I can’t,” I whimpered. I was still recovering from the powerful orgasm I just had. I won’t be able to have another one so soon.

But Spencer Reid was nothing if not diligent. “You can and you will.”

His hand that was in my hair joined mine between my legs. His fingers were so much better than mine. He pressed firmly against my clit, keeping a steady motion against me. He snapped his hips harder, the slight pain making me feel that familiar coil in my stomach.

“I know you have one more in you for me. I want you to give it to me” he uttered. I’m not sure how he is able to do it, but I felt my body start rising again.

“Sp-Spencer. Please.” I didn’t know what I was begging for as I stammered those words out. His hand between my legs pressed harder and his rhythm against me started wavering. I knew he was close to his release, but I was right there with him.

When he pinched my clit firmly against his fingers, I mewled out his name once more. The coil snapped and I couldn’t help the way I trembled once more. My body quaked against his as the shock waves overcame me. I felt as if lightning was running across my nerves.

Spencer thrusted three more times before tensing against me. I felt him jerk and spill himself inside of me. He dropped down, pressing his chest against my back and whispering my name in my ear. We both tried to catch our breaths as we came down from our high.  

After a few minutes, Spencer pulled out of me and walked to a door which I assumed led to the bathroom. I’m guessing he went to dispose of the condom. I continued to lie on the bed, trying my best to catch my breath. My body was still on an all-time high, still reeling from the aftershocks of my climax. I fought against the drowsiness of my eyes, wondering how the hell I am going to stay alert on the cab ride home.

“How are you feeling?” I couldn’t even jump in surprise. I had no idea he returned and was standing right next to me. “I wasn’t too rough?”

“Best. Sex. Ever,” I drowsily responded. Spencer picked me up and maneuvered my body so that I was lying on my back. He grabbed a bottle that was standing on the nightstand; squeezing some cream into the palm of his hand. He rubbed his hands together and started massaging the lotion onto my legs. He focused his attention on my knees and thighs.

“Do you want some water? He asked. I nodded my head and he immediately went to the snack bar area. He grabbed a bottle and what looks to be a granola bar. He uncapped the bottle and gently fed the water to me.

“Do you want some food,” I shook my head at his question. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“Cuddles” came my whispered response. Spencer smiled at me before settling on the bed next to me. He draped the blankets over our bodies and wrapped his hand over my waist, pulling me close.

“Goodnight Spencer.”

“Goodnight (Y/N).”

The last thing I felt was the press of his lips against my neck as my body surrendered itself to the sweet bliss of slumber. 

[writingsfromhome]

Collaboration

A/N: This one's told from Harry's pov. I just wanted to have some fun with dialogue, trying fluff for once (I think?)

-------------------------------------

The flashing lights on the red carpet bring back the headache that was pounding my temples since this morning. I grit my teeth and pose for the last show before making eye contact with my manager. I’m ushered along, a few people calling out for an interview. My manager whispers one would be good for image so I sigh and find myself in one of those millenial gossip journalists.

She asks what I’m wearing, I show off the shimmery fabric of my pantsuit and the fringe on the legs.

“So we heard rumours, Y/N Y/L/N and you are working on an album together?”

I lean in and pretend to look intrigued but my heart picks up speed just from hearing her name. “Who said that?”

The journalist plays her part and laughs at my joke. I say seriously, “I would love to collab with her anytime, she’s a legend. But I haven't even got her digits."

She says something sympathetic, "maybe things will change tonight."

"I hope so! I'm even wearing my liucky ring," I show it off to the camera. Finally the bit is over and I walk into the cool building. People are already breaking into groups and lost guests look for their name.

I knew I would see Y/N today, it was always a mystery whether she would show up to these award shows. She started young in the industry, a child-actor turned singer when she released a single to a movie she starred in as a teen and it stayed in the top charts for months. She was pretty private as far as celebrities went and she didn't always show up to these things. But the couple times I interacted with her we had hit it off. The first was just a casual acquaintance when our mutual friend introduced each other at a premiere.

The second, though, was at a restaurant. The people I was having dinner with invited her party to our table. She had ended up squished beside me but we talked the whole night. We thought alike and turned out she was a big fan of my music, had even attended my concert, proven by some photos she showed me on her phone. I confessed I had a big crush on her in her earlier movies when I was a kid. She teased me and I let her. But we forgot to exchange numbers so I didn't actually talk to her after that. If we had, I would definitely ask her about collaborating.

"Just had to ask Jen, here." My manager comes by with a bottle of water and the painkiller in my hand. I take it gratefully and then he pushes me to my seat. I glance around, a couple familiar names. But mostly it seemed like I was seated with couples. To be the 7th wheel. And my chair had its back to the stage. Whoever planned this did not like me.

The lead up to the start of the awards is a rush of hugs and catching up with people. It isn't until I sit down, my chair turned to face the stage, that I realise Y/N is here and sitting a table down, her chair angled to the stage but she catches my eye.

I can't help the smile that overtakes my face but I manage to resist waving at her like a child. She gives me a nod but her lips tug up into a shy smile as she focuses her eyes on the stage.

We get introductions, a skit, and a performance. They announce some winners and then they announce the surprise performance by Y/N. I hadn't even realised she'd left.

It's so quiet you could hear a pin drop, the stage blacking out until a single light shines. Y/N steps under it and begins, it starts off slow but by the chorus there are dancers and an old school car and a gown with fake blood as she sits atop the car with the dagger sticking out of her chest as she belts out her song. The final notes ring out when she pulls the dagger free and it clatters to the floor. And the entire audience goes crazy. I'm standing clapping and grinning like an idiot. Y/N makes eye contact with me and winks. People turn in my direction but I don't make it obvious it was me. I didn't want any rumours about us.

As the night moves forward, I catch eyes with Y/N a few times. The first time I raise my eyebrows and mimick pulling a dagger out of my chest. She hides her smile behind the pamphlet. The second time she catches me staring at her, she pretends to look annoyed and I pretend to hide my face with my hand. When I check her face she's trying to hide her laugh. Someone behind her leans in to whisper something but she keeps her eyes on me.

I feel like I'm on cloud 9. Not only did I finally see Y/N after so long but she remembered me. And I think she was flirting with me! Maybe she would show up to the after party.

During the break, she motions to the meet her in the foyer and I don't even wait a few minutes. I'm right behind her and follow her into a little enclosure off to the side.

"Hi," I say casually.

"Hi," she smiles. "Long time no see. I like what you're wearing."

"Thanks. You look lovely yourself. I wasn't sure I would see you tonight."

"It's been a while since I've been plucked and prodded and red-carpet ready. A girl misses the feeling of flashing lights and ten reporters asking what you're wearing." She flips her hair over her shoulder, sarcasm in full effect.

"Sounds like you need a drink," I suggest.

"God, yes." She grabs my arm and I lead her to the bar, she leans in next to me as I order for us.

I watch as she takes a sip of the drink I ordered for her. She looks surprised and takes another sip. It settles in even more how normal this felt. And my childhood crush never really went away.

"You should order for me more often. I usually just stick to what I know." She comments.

"Then you should go out with me more often," I say.

She responds by clinking her glass against mine, a mischevious look in her eye.

"What's that look?" I ask.

"What look?"

"The one you're giving me right now!"

"I'm just looking at you!"

"Then what are you thinking? Because you're not just looking at me! You're giving me the look!"

"The look," she scoffs like I was making it up.

"It's there," I tap her temples. "What are you thinking in there?"

"I really don't think you want to know what I'm thinking," she says into her drink.

"No, now I really want to know," I wait for her to move the glass away from her mouth.

"No you don't. It's...not very appropriate." She doesn't look me in the eyes, pretending to be interested on what the little menus read.

"Inappropriate thoughts are my favourite," I say. She looks up and is about to say something.

"Harry!" Someone calls from the side and I'm disappointed that the conversation is cut short. I wanted to know even though I already knew but I greet some friends instead. when I turn backY/N's gone. Damn.

I find her back in her seat but she's talking to a few women I remember she was in movies with in her early days. But it's like she senses me because she turns to look as I sit down. I narrow my eyes at her, she looks away.

When I win for single of the year, I stumble onto stage. I was sure I wouldn't win this. Luckily my manager had made me practice something on the way here just in case but every word leaves my brain when I glance at Y/N and she has the same expression from earlier. I knew she was thinking something inappropriate and that just clears my head of anything except her.

"Sorry I've got some stage fright it seems," I joke and everyone laughs. Phew.

I manage to get some words out, give my thanks and walk back to my table in a daze. People congratulate me but I barely know who. This was a dream come true for me, and nearby a very dreamy woman was giving me eyes and I didn't know how this night could get any more surreal.

But it does.

***

By the time I get ready to leave for the afterparty, I'd waited for inscribing and more congrats, some pictures and group pictures of winners. I'm tired and stop by my hotel to change into something more casual. I didn't see Y/N and I give up hope that I would. Her going to an awards show and an afterparty were rare. She must have disappeared again, without leaving her number. I would just have to wait for a next time.

But when I get to my hotel door, a figure sits outside it.

"Hello?" I call from afar, if this was a fan that somehow got in there was going to be a security issue. But the person looks up and it's just Y/N. Her glam from earlier is wiped off, she has on just tights and a tanktop. She quickly stands up.

"I didn't see you at the party. Wasn't much in the mood to mingle. I thought I would try your room."

"How did you know my room?" I ask as I open the door and leave it open for her.

"I'm a floor above, I saw you leave."

"So you're stalking me now?" I ask.

"If I remember correctly you were the one watching me all night."

"Really?" I drop my things on the floor and dig through the drawer for a shirt and jeans. "If I remember, you were the one with inappropriate thoughts."

"I never said that," she says as she picks up the award I put on the table. "Congratulations by the way. You totally deserve this like I told you!"

Y/N references part of the conversation we had at that dinner. When she revealed she was a fan, said she was in the industry for years and she saw I had promise.

"And that compliment kept me going through the whole album." It was true, she gave me a boost of confidence that helped keep me focused and crank it out in time.

"So where's my shoutout?" She sits on the desk, her feet swinging back and forth.

"Third song on the album," I say smoothly.

"Really?" She stares. The song was about a mystery woman just being the girl next door. Exactly how I felt about Y/N. "You wrote a song about me? Wow. Not even my exes have given me the honour."

"You deserve a million songs written about you," I say truthfully. Y/N was a special woman-misunderstood and misinterpreted. But she was a powerful singer and a funny, honest, and kind human.

"You're a sweet-talker Harry Styles." Y/N leans back and I can't avoid the way the fabric of her tanktop stretches over her body. She notices and smirks. "It's unfortunate you're just all talk though."

"All talk?" I decide two can play at the game. I take off my silk shirt and wait a few before slipping on my tshirt. I notice her eyes trailing down my body and it gives me the confirmation to step towards her. I put my hands on her thighs, and she parts her legs automatically. I step in between them but stay inches away from her face, "I do more than just talk."

"So show me," she says, her gaze going down to my lips.

"Only if you tell me what you were thinking tonight," I challenge.

"You're still on that?"

"I want to know."

"How about I show you instead."

In a surprising move, she pushes me back and stands up before shoving me onto the bed. It takes me a moment to recover but I'm smiling as the whole Y/N finally comes out of her shell. She peels the tanktop off of her and walks towards me. I lean back on my elbows.

"I wish you showed me earlier," I say. She shuts me up with a passionate kiss.

***

I'd lost track of time, the rising sun the only tell of how much time had passed. Y/N lies on the pillow beside me, her face peaceful as she sleeps. Her hand is loosely intertwined through mine between us. It was a wild night collaborating after all-just not in a way we wanted share. I almost want to pinch myself to be sure this was real. The woman of my dreams with me tonight. Several times over. Asleep as the first rays of sun leave a soft glow on her skin. She was as beautiful as ever.

I must have fallen asleep too because I wake up with a pressure on my chest. I'm flat on my back and Y/N's head is resting on my chest as she stares at my face.

"I can see up your nose," she comments.

"Stop looking," I mumble in my croaky morning voice.

"I can't stop. It's just so dark and unexplored."

I close my eyes again, not realising she'd taken my finger to stick up my nose until she does. I sit up and she's thrown off of me. I sneeze once, and again. And turn to her.

"I don't like that loo-" she shouts as I pull her to me and hold her down to climb over her. I sneeze again as she wriggles underneath but pretty soon she stops as I kiss her.

"You're lucky I'm so nice," I say into her neck as I kiss her. "Or you would be in a lot more trouble."

"You are not nice," she giggles. "You didn't let me explore up your nos-okay okay!"

She cuts off as I tickle her sides, crying out to stop, saying she can't breathe. "I'll show you not nice," I tell her. I hold her hands above her head and pin it there before I kiss her down her body. She tries to free my grip but I hold on, using my other hand to move lower than my mouth could.

"You wouldn't," she looks me in the eye as I kiss her again.

"Well I'm not very nice," I whisper and watch her squirm underneath me. I finally let go of her hands and she pulls me to her to grip, rolling me over when I'm done so she's on top.

"I'll let you in on a secret, Styles." She tells me while I laugh at how flushed she'd gotten but I quiet when she pulls my arms up like I did to her and somehow finds the robe tie from the floor to tie them in place. "I'm not very nice either."

"Well who said I like nice girls?" I ask her. She only smiles before pulling the blanket over our heads and making sure she tortures me in the best possible way.

[cherryquitecontrary]

Mother Who Bore Me, Father Who Held Me || Echoes of the Past

Day 2 of @arcana-echoes Echoes of the Past event- Parents! To read my other entries, click here.

TW Character Death

Camila Casimiro

Camila Casimiro (nee Valeriano) was the daughter of a wealthy shipping merchant in the port town of Tzatec. Her father, Xavier Valeriano, was a harsh and strict man that ruled his household with an iron fist and did everything he could to keep his family under his thumb. His first wife, Valentina, was the mother of his two eldest children- Marina and Camila. She was a spitfire of a woman who longed for freedom above all else. Xavier did everything he could to control her and make her into what he considered to be a “good wife”. For a couple of years, it worked. About a year after giving birth to Camila, however, she ran away one night, never to be seen or heard from again. Ynes, his second wife, was an agreeable, but spineless woman. She never argued with Xavier or objected to the way that their household was being run. Marina, the eldest of the three children, was spirited like her mother. She was always challenging their father and the status quo that he set, causing many arguments between the two. Dante, Marina and Camila’s stepbrother and the youngest of the three children, was expected to be the heir to the shipping company as the only boy. However, all Dante ever dreamed of doing was painting. He was a passionate and talented artist. But, this was openly discouraged by their parents, causing much contention between he and them. This left middle child Camila in a position of neglect. Not much mind was paid to her. She was a quiet child and wanted to keep her head down for the sake on not starting an argument. However, like her siblings, she yearned for a life outside of the Valeriano household.

Her world was turned upside-down as a teenager when Marina ran away from home. The two sisters were close and now she was down a confidante. When this happened, their father became even more strict. The remaining children were banned from leaving the house. He and Ynes began to arrange a marriage for Camila and had began planning to send Dante to a strict boarding school overseas. Dante panicked and fled to a monastery, which was the only place he felt he could be free from his family. Once again, this left Camila in a very fragile position. Now that her siblings were gone, Xavier and Ynes focused all of their energy into arranging her marriage to a man that could take over the family business. Camila, still reeling from the loss of her siblings, thought that there was no way out from her parents’ clutches. She had resigned to the fact that she was going to end up in a loveless marriage like her mother did. 

That is, until she met a handsome traveler named Ignacio.

Ignacio Casimiro

Ignacio Casimiro was orphaned very young. His parents belonged to a nomadic tribe of people originating from the Catclaw Desert. He spent his whole life travelling with the people that he largely considered to be his family. All of the children were his “cousins”, the adults were his “aunts”, “uncles”, and “elders”. There was one person in particular that he was attached to: an older woman he called Abuela Itzel. She took care of him and raised him from infancy after a sickness swept through the tribe and killed his parents. She was a loving parental figure and taught him everything she knew. She shared with him her love for all living things and imbrued within him a deep sense of empathy and kindness. She also taught him how to play the guitar. He became very talented at it and used his skill to help earn money for the group whenever they came into a new town. Despite being poor and always traveling, Ignacio considered his upbringing to be charmed. The tribe was loving and he had many people looking after him, even after his elderly caretaker passed away. He grew up with a bunch of young people his age and they all looked out for one another. They went to many beautiful and unique places. However, he yearned to find a place that he belonged. 

In his later teenage years, his tribe came to Tzatec. They had stopped in the town for an extended period to prepare their next trek following the coast of the Emerald Sea. When he was playing his guitar on the street corner one day, he looked up and saw a beautiful young woman with long, dark hair looking out of a window of a large gated home. He started playing a lively tune to get her attention. Eventually, she noticed him and opened the window to hear his song. He played and sang for her, doing whatever he could to turn her frown into a smile. It was when he saw her smile for the first time he had become smitten. The girl eventually came out of her house and came to the side of the house where some hedges grew. Ignacio crossed over to that side of the house to see her peeking out from between the bushes. The two struck up a conversation about who they were and about their lives. The girl introduced herself as Camila, and she told him of the grand but lonely life she lived. Ignacio told her about his life, too. It wasn’t long before Camila had to go back inside, but she promised that, if he came back the next day, she would be there at the hedges to chat again. This went on every day for a number of weeks, and the two teens fell for one another in that time. 

Marriage & Finding a Home

With Ignacio’s impending trip following the coastline and Camila’s arranged marriage being set, the two knew that they were going to be lost to each other forever. So, they had concocted a plan: they were going to wait until Xavier and Ynes finalized the marriage plans. They had planned to marry Camila to a man from another town, so they were to travel to his home to conduct the ceremony. The night before they were supposed to leave, Camila would sneak out of the house with whatever she could carry. Ignacio would meet her by the gate, help her over it, and the two would steal away into the night, much like her sister and mother did before her. Now, all there was to do was wait. Ignacio stayed in Tzatec after his tribe had left on their next trek, promising that he and Camila would catch up with them soon. He did what he could to survive on his own, playing for coins on street corners and sleeping under the stars on the shore. Camila waited patiently for weeks until her parents came to her with the news: they were to be leaving the next day in a carriage to another town to meet and subsequently marry her fiancé. That night, she and Ignacio carried out their escape plan. It went off without a hitch, and they stole away on a covered wagon on its way toward Verania, another coastal town. 

The two of them were happy as could be travelling with one another. Even though they had only known each other for a short while, they’d come to know each other well and developed a deep love for one another. When they finally reached Ignacio’s tribe, they traveled with them and started their lives together. A year later, the two were married in a ceremony conducted by one of the elders of his tribe. After another year, they decided to start fresh and travel independent from Ignacio’s tribe to see the world. They left them and got on a boat to cross the Malvent Straight that ended up in Venterre. They spent weeks wandering around and searching for a nice place to live. When they finally came to Calmedra, Camila found that she was pregnant. The two quickly found some land, bought it, and settled onto the property to start a new life as farmers. Nine months later, Elvira Valentina Casimiro was born. 

Family Life

Because of their respective upbringings, Camila and Ignacio were involved and loving parents. They took turns minding young Elvira while the other cooked or tended to whatever chores they were set to do on their land. They loved each other so much and they were very happy with their solitary life in Calmedra. Camila had grown to be bold and gregarious. She played pirates and treasure hunters with Elvira as a child and told her wildly fantastical stories before bed. She took up garment making, having learned to sew at a young age and handmade her daughter beautiful linen dresses. Camila eventually learned to weave and create shawls and colorful tablecloths, occasionally making some to sell to the local Calmedran women. Ignacio mainly tended to the plants and animals himself, using the plant knowledge imparted to him by Abuela Itzel. He seemed to understand them and knew what to do when an animal became sick or a crop wasn’t growing in properly. When Elvira tagged along with him, he explained everything they saw to her like she was old enough to understand what he was saying. He told her stories of his childhood and all of the things that he saw and did while traveling with his tribe, promising to her that he was going to take her to see it all one day. The two had planned that, when Elvira got older, they were going to travel the world as a family. 

Death (under the cut)

When Elvira was ten, Ignacio had left to sell some crops in a town farther off than he usually did. He had said he was going to be coming back late, but he had still been gone by the next morning. One of their neighbors a couple of miles down the road came to the Casimiro farm carrying a dead Ignacio on his oxcart. On his way back from the town, he had ran into some bad weather. One of the wheels on his wagon broke and tossed him onto the ground with the cart on top of him. The weight proved too much for him to lift off of himself, and his leg was broken from the fall. Ultimately, the weight of the cart crushed him. He was found by some neighbors and they quickly retrieved him and took his body to his farm to break the news to Camila and Elvira.

Camila had been growing sick from an unknown illness for a number of years. When Ignacio died, she was significantly feeling the effects of the sickness. She had also grown extremely depressed after losing the only love she had ever known. Still, she tried to press on for the sake of Elvira and herself. Over the years, she grew weaker and weaker. She became unable to do the hard labor of tending to the farm, and Elvira could’ve only done so much as a child. The two fell on some hard times and they struggled to survive. Five years after they lost Ignacio, Camila passed away, leaving Elvira all alone.

[gellavonhamster]

sugar bowl generation headcanons

Beatrice

short and delicate-looking but actually very strong and Sporty™

knew Olaf since early childhood and often visited his family home. She never liked his parents that much but she was still conflicted and extremely upset when she was tasked with killing them

the girl everyone (with a few exceptions, Olaf first and foremost) wants either to be or to be with

had a penchant for writing very witty and biting epigrams about the people she disliked

the first time she slept with Bertrand was after that very night at the opera. They were both confused and miserable and wanted someone to hold them but neither of them thought themselves a good enough person to deserve someone innocent, someone who doesn't know what they did, to hold them, and then it just... happened. She was still dating Lemony at the time.

Bertrand

had blond hair (Sunny takes after him), wore glasses (I guess it could be said that Klaus takes after him)

mostly worked in the theatre as a stagehand, building sets and props, but occasionally took part in performances too, usually filling in for one actor or another

kept in touch with Theodora after finishing his apprenticeship

used to sing while cooking dinner

the nicest, politest person you'll ever meet but could also obliterate you with a couple of words (usually preferred not to)

didn’t really like Beatrice that much before they started working together on the poison darts mission - thought her to be too pretentious and loud

Lemony

tried growing a moustache as an experiment once and it was Terrible

has always been rather chubby; sometimes it bothers him but only because it means he can't always squeeze through a hole in the fence/a porthole/etc. when in need of escape

used to play the accordion for his friends at the parties

has a quite beautiful singing voice but usually is embarrassed to sing (Beatrice was usually successful at persuading him to do it though)

tried to hate Bertrand at first and failed spectacularly and was mad at himself because of that

since Stain'd-by-the-Sea, has killed in self-defence in a fight a couple of times but has never murdered anyone anymore like he murdered Hangfire

once dreamed of reforming VFD (actual volunteering instead of kidnapping, no more separating children from their families and so on) but by the time of after The End, when the organization is completely in shambles and many volunteers (for example, R) believe that now is the perfect time to rebuild it basically from scratch, he does not want to be part of this anymore - partly because most of the volunteers (except for, again, R, and some other people) now see him as a traitor for exposing so much VFD secrets, and partly because he'd rather spend his time helping his niece find the Baudelaires

rest of the squad under read more because this post got out of control

Jacques

had always been considered attractive by everyone (despite the unibrow)

the "I'm not mad, I'm disappointed" kind of guy

usually the designated driver at parties

learned to drive at the age of, like, ten, but insisted on getting a real driving licence when he got old enough for this. As a result, had a legal licence and a bunch of fake ones for VFD missions

usually carried a small photo camera with him

prior to "recruitment" he befriended Jerome and managed to stay friends with him throughout their lives even though they could not meet as often as they both would've loved to. Had always suspected that Jerome is in love with him; loved him back but knew that being involved with anyone from VFD would be too dangerous for Jerome who, despite many good qualities that Jacques loved about him, was not a fighter at all. Tried to fill the void with various on-and-off relationships with other volunteers, such as Olivia and Frank, but never really got over Jerome

Kit

liked wearing men's clothes and strict/business women's clothes

usually kept her hair in a bun or a ponytail but every time she let it down everyone noticed how beautiful it was

very good at physics and engineering

Lemony didn't know it but she kept in touch with Ellington after their escape from the prisoner wagon. They were always on the verge of romantic relationship but avoided it because E, naturally, did not want to have anything to do with VFD, while K couldn't imagine her life without it

was a heavy smoker but quit after finding out she's expecting 

her pregnancy was absolutely unplanned but she decided to keep the baby for a number of reasons, such as that she might not be able to get pregnant later due to her age and that there was actually no time and/or opportunity for her to have an abortion safely

Olaf

had dyslexia (hence problems with spelling but being good at anagrams). Sometimes asked Kit to read him books out loud

his relationship with his parents has never been that great; what devastated him the most was not so much their sudden death (though it was undoubtedly shocking) as the fact that his friends (and, for all their conflicts, he still considered Beatrice his best friend) betrayed him

his propensity for alcohol is partly genetic - his father didn't drink too often, but when he did, he went on long drinking sprees 

used to dress like a greaser in his youth - leather jackets, dark sunglasses, all that jazz

sometimes when he (tol) and Beatrice (smol) would stand next to each other, he would put his elbow or his chin on top of her head; it annoyed her extremely

had a crush on Josephine in his early teenage years but she rejected him quite brutally. That old grudge was part of the reason why his plan of getting her out of the way included seducing her

Esme

has never been recruited by VFD - she just befriended Beatrice and Olaf and, being nosy, soon started to find out more and more about VFD. They thought her a potentially useful associate so eventually she became quite closely involved with the organization

her parents were rich, bought her whatever she wanted, and made sure she got a good education but never really cared about her that much or showed her love. In other words, her childhood was very much like Carmelita's

used to shoplift (makeup, jewellery, similar small objects) for fun as a teen

actually really good at math and finances

she wasn't the one who burned down the Baudelaire mansion, and she cried with rage when she found out Beatrice was dead. She wanted revenge and now she couldn't have it - it was almost as if even in death B did everything she could to do her dirty one last time

survived the hotel fire but was arrested a short time after for a variety of crimes she committed together with Olaf. Nevertheless, managed to get acquitted on all charges and became an even more popular celebrity because of the media coverage of her trial. Many years later, already after her death, a Chicago-like musical about her life was staged. It was wildly inaccurate and romanticized her and her relationship with Olaf to no end, but the public loved it. The adult Beatrice Baudelaire II, being a true niece of her uncle, wrote a scorching review of it, but it didn't really alter anyone's opinion.

R

her mother was French Canadian and her father was Black Canadian

doesn't like cigarettes but occasionally smokes her late dad's pipe

her mother was not a member of VFD but still an associate and agreed to let her daughter be taken in return for them aiding her in politics. Because of her mother’s connection to VFD, R was allowed to spend much more time with her family than other young recruits ever had a chance to

she and Lemony were already close friends by the time they both realized they're in love with Beatrice, and they resolved not to let this ruin their friendship. For some time, they both courted B, waiting for her to decide whom she likes best. When B chose L, R felt quite miserable but managed to let go of her feelings as time passed. She never forgot Beatrice, but she's had multiple relationships after her

there was a brief period when her family thought she and Lemony were dating, which they found both awkward and hilarious. They've never felt anything but friendship towards each other. On several occasions they fell asleep in one bed and never found anything weird about it

after the hotel fire and the almost complete collapse of VFD, she is leading the fraction that believes that the organization's ways should be changed (see the last point in hcs about Lemony above)

Monty

used to send his friends postcards from his travels, making sure to code the messages and the return addresses

gave names to each and every animal living under his care. For example, his Virginian Wolfsnake was called Mrs. Dalloway

had his iconic snaketache (snake moustache) since he was like 19

loved gestures of platonic affection but was always careful not to kiss or hug people who do not like being touched

was the reason many VFD gents realized they weren’t straight (”ok, it’s Monty, everyone is lowkey crushing on Monty... wait, he’s a guy tho”)

has killed more than once and aided in even more murders by providing poisons to his associates. Wasn’t proud of it and often wondered if there was another way. Actually carried a lot of sadness inside him but always tried to mask it with jokes and persuade himself to be optimistic

Josephine

good at boxing, fencing, swimming, arm wrestling... like, Beatrice was Sporty™, but Josephine was the Sportiest™

also good at dances like boogie-woogie and swing

had a wonderful infectious laughter :’)

to ask her out, Ike sent her a letter with some mistakes, she started correcting them automatically and realized that the wrong letters formed the phrase “I like you”. She found it clever and cute, and went on a date with him

I feel like I’ve seen this idea somewhere before but I can’t recall where... anyway... she was more interested in descriptive grammar and the development of language before losing Ike but then started to concentrate on prescriptive grammar because she subconsciously sought something stable and predictable in her shattered life

Widdershins

claims that Melville is his favourite writer but hasn’t actually read anything by him apart from Moby-Dick. His associates quickly found it out by dropping references to Billy Budd, Bartleby, the Scrivener, and other Melville’s works

there was a time when he kept borrowing money from his friends (usually small sums to buy cigarettes or beer or something) and returning it months later or never at all. It became a subject for many inside jokes within his friend circle. Is this point inspired by Netflix? Yes, it is

I blame this post for giving me the headcanon that he and Monty had a short-lived but passionate affair in their youth, which they both recalled fondly later

survived the Great Unknown but was badly wounded (including losing his leg... yeah, I’m sneaking in another Moby-Dick reference, why the hell not). That and the fear of running into the Great Unknown once more prevented him from ever going to sea again. He found it difficult to adapt to life on land, feeling himself useless without his submarine, took up drinking and would’ve become an alcoholic it wasn’t for his stepchildren and Hector controlling him

Hector

he’s the H on the Anwhistle branch of the family tree in TUA, but not an Anwhistle by blood. His parents were family friends who died when he was a baby, and the Anwhistle parents adopted him

his parents were Mexican, and he tried to reconnect with his heritage by researching traditions and culture and literature. All the Mexican dishes he cooks he learned to cook by himself

apart from hot air balloons, can fly and work with dirigibles and other aerostats

witnessed many terrible things, including gruesome deaths of several associates, and begged the higher-ranking firefighters to transfer him to some quieter position. They could see clearly that he wasn’t fit for dangerous tasks anymore, and he got relocated to the Village of Fowl Devotees. As the organization became increasingly scattered, whatever he was supposed to be in charge with was forgotten, and so was he

after TVV he keeps seeing Jacques in his nightmares, dying again and again and reminding how H failed him and the Baudelaires

part of my headcanon about him, the Quagmires, and the Widdershins sticking together after surviving the Great Unknown is H and W having a relationship that’s like 50% “why you. Out of all my associates I’m left with you and I never even really liked you, WHY” and 50% doing household chores together in comfortable silence. At some point they start referring to the triplets, Fiona, and Fernald collectively as “our children” and neither remembers who started it

Olivia

had two sisters - M(iranda) and N; by the time of TCC hasn’t seen either of them in years

loved wearing lots of jewellery - big dangly earrings, bracelets, rings

owned a Tarot card pack that belonged to her grandmother

good at engineering and working with various machines

she and Jacques had sex a number of times and she would’ve loved for it to turn into a more serious relationship but she knew that deep down he loved someone else

The Denouements

Frank was born first, then Ernest, and Dewey was the last

D faked his death when he was about 16 because the VFD higher-ups ordered the Denouements to make sure the firestarters believed there were only two of them now. He volunteered, knowing that his brothers were better at running the hotel and working with people, a decision he came to regret later

D fell in love with Kit when she was still dating Olaf. They didn’t become a couple until a year or two before the events of ASOUE

F was Jacques’s another occasional bedfellow. In contrast to Olivia, he never showed how much he really cared about J (and he cared much more than he would’ve preferred to)

E met Fernald a number of times before ASOUE and often flirted with him in a way of “if you’re up for it, I’m in”. He pitied the young man because he knew Olaf would hardly ever return Fernald’s feelings

both F and E liked D more than each other and had a “I wish you were dead instead” moment after his death. After losing their hotel to the fire, they wanted to go their separate ways but soon understood they still need each other. They moved to a European country called Zubrovka to work in the famous hotel there

The Sebalds

Gustav was 2-3 years older than Sally

when they were kids, they used to write plays and put them on at the family gatherings using their toys and handmade sets. One of such gatherings was visited by a distant relative who was in VFD. Some days later, they were “recruited”

all of Gustav’s films are incredibly low-budget and fastly made and all his friends have starred in at least one of them because it usually went like... Headquarters: we need a film with this and that secret message to be shown at this and that cinema in five days. Gustav, mass texting his friends: guys who’s free this weekend, I have another movie to make

Gustav and Monty were dating

Sally dated R at some point (Monty introduced her to R)

after The End Sally, like R, is one of those volunteers who advocate for reforming the organization and dropping its old ways

[chiibinomonodamon]

My Top 10 Shoujo/Josei Ships

Let’s address the elephant in the room. Yes, they are problematic which is why they rank last. No doubt. But like, they’re ten and children make mistakes. Especially children who are as unfortunate as Natsume. Natsume himself is probably the most offensive one in this list. But I just...really have a soft spot for brooding bad boys who secretly want to be saved by the cheerful nice girl and that’s not going to go away ANY time soon. I grew really fond of these two as the series went on. I just did.

Man, these two used to be a lot higher when I was younger (like the same age as them lol) KKJ was the first true cosplay I ever did! So...um, not so much in the anime (although he’s not totally innocent but he is better). Chiaki has...issues. Lol. To say he’s insecure...is probably an understatement. But when you look at his upbringing, it’s really no surprise. Maron is the only person he truly seems to care about so he’s going to cling and be needy. But she knows how to handle him. She’s always in control (not in a bad way) but in a way that’s good for both of them. I love how mature she is. He will learn from her....if he hasn’t already. Okay, they’re married with a baby so I would think adult!Chiaki has gotten over what made the teenage ship problematic. Besides, they totally have God’s approval; what more do you need? XD

  *laughs* Who here watched this for the episodic Phantom Thief plots?

*crickets chirp*

OF COURSE YOU F*CKING DIDN’T.

Ya all watched it hoping for these two....RIDICULOUS TSUNDERE...GOOBERS TO TURN AROUND ONE DAY AND CONFESS HOW MUCH THEY DREAM OF GETTING MARRIED TO EACH OTHER...

MeimixAsuka is the absolute classic “love-hate/ slap slap kiss” ship DONE RIGHT. Which is great because so many are done very very wrong (and I can think of quite a few in, ironically non-Japanese media...aimed at children...that can honest to God, be interpreted as downright abusive. *coughiCarlycough*

But not these two. They are so f*cking innocent. Delightfully innocent. Like, their most offensive action is to call each other “idiot”. But God forbid anybody ELSE do that...oh no, if you dare bad-mouth one in front of the other, he/she gets so mad. And that’s like the cutest shit ever.

OH HEY. IT’S THE ONE BL SHIP I ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT!! Um...well, these two are great. I thought they were great in college when I went through my fujoshi stage (ugh) BUT I STILL think they’re great NOW. This is the anime version of The Odd Couple. With more gay. xD These two are sweet as chocolate. Their interaction is just precious. What’s more important? THEY’RE ACTUALLY GOOD FOR EACH OTHER. No rape. No forcing feels on each other, great chemistry, comforting comforters; all the reasons you’d ship a regular boyxgirl pairing. This one just happens to be two boys. AND I STILL DON’T KNOW IF THIS EVER TURNED CANON AFJLFJLFJDLJF

This is one of those very few Childhood Friend Ships I’m all for. It’s kind of crazy that they were able to rank this high when I haven’t even finished their story yet. BUT I LOVE THEM. I was going to pick a ship and say “Imagine _____, except they’re little kids.” But actually, I’m having a hard time comparing them to another ship I can think of. So...they’re KINDA ‘Slap Slap Kiss’-ish but Seiya does not hide his feelings. AT ALL. He’s pretty out-spoken about it. And all he wants to do is sweep her off her feet...but it’s basically the other way around xD As for Ririka...going by Shoujo Logic, her crush on (wow he’s so boring I can’t even remember his stupid name LOL) is superficial and she subconsciously has deeper feelings for Seiya that she’s unaware of...but damn, she sure gets fired up when he’s hurt in front of her! So that gives me hope.

This is just a given. It’s HIGHLY unlikely you would find another “Best Shoujo Pairing” list WITHOUT them. So he’s already there but HURRY UP AND REALIZE YOU LOVE HIM, AHIRU. Lol dammit. The only hint we get from her is “Fakir always makes me stronger” and that SINGLE LINE is deeper than ANY thought she ever had about Mytho. Hell, I’m pretty sure Ikuko herself ships them hard. Their entire relationship is so beautifully crafted...just like the rest of the series except maybe for Ahiru’s crush on Mytho which just had me going “LOLWHY” the entire time.

“SLAP SLAP KISS” LITERALLY. All they do is fight...and then kiss. xD They’re always saving each other, supporting each other, underneath all those insults, then they get married and have two cute kids. Some people think Kazune’s too hard on her...but it’s “tough love”. He has to be because that’s what motivates her. Every single thing Kazune does in the series is strictly for her sake. Their main problem is miscommunication...but I think that goes away quickly so who cares?

Yes, yes, I know. We have two major problems here: The first is initial sexual harassment. Obviously.

But here’s the second problem:

IT’S  JUST TOO DAMN FCKING HOT.

Tooyama Ema knew how to turn up the sexual tension to ELEVEN with these two. Good lord, did she ever. This is by far the sexiest manga I’ve ever read!! Whoever coined the phrase “DOKI-DOKI MOTHERFUCKER” surely had to be reading about Yukina making Shigure do things and Shigure making Yukina do things. While the ship (born from blackmail) should strictly fall into ‘Guilty Pleasure Smut’ category, it only teeters on the edge. For me, at least. Why? Because the character development is actually really damn good. Shigure goes from Cold, Uncaring Magnificent Bastard to Excellent Tsundere Boyfriend Material quite steadily and beautifully. He’s also the only character in the series who can handle Yukina’s personality flaws. Basically, “he’s good for her” while the others are...um, terrible. xD

HEY. IT’S “ANIME TWILIGHT EXCEPT IT DOESN’T SUCK” SHIP.

It’s an ancient story. ‘Vampires make sexy boyfriends’. I believe this has been going on for a reeeeeeeeeeeeeeally long time. Like.....since the 30s, maybe? When did Anne Rice start writing? IDK ANYWAY IT’S A THING. Cutesy human girl wants vampire. The vampire is broody, dark, emo. “I’m dangerous. Stay away from me. You’ll only get hurt”. But they still turn into an off-again, on-again thing because he can’t make up his f*cking mind on whether to protect her at his side or “protect by neglect”. We’ve all heard it before.

EXCEPT THAT IS NOT THIS STORY.

No, it’s cutest f*cking damn vampire romance I’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing. And yeah, I did watch Karin and Tsukuyomi Moon Phase but I’m partial to vampire stories for women so fck that. lol. So...where to start. First of all, Riho loved him way before she even knew what he was. When she finds out, she still loves him. And he does do the “You’re better off not being with me because danger”. But he doesn’t say this to be edgy or to manipulate her; he says it because what he does is actually dangerous enough for her to get killed and he doesn’t want that. But she doesn’t give a damn. And he treats her like a princess. And she finds out how lonely he is and vows to always stay at his side and he respects her f*cking decisions and they go on cute dates and always comfort each other and just afjalfjalfjaijfIWEJFILOVETHISSHIPSOMUCH.

Before I get to #1, here’s some honorable mentions:

SakuraxSyaoran from CCS

YonaxHak from Akatsuki no Yona

KurosakixTeru from Dengeki Daisy

KirarixHiroto from Kirarin Revolution

DaichixNajika from Kitchen Princess

TamakixHaruhi from Ouran High School Host Club

ZeroxYuuki from Vampire Knight

Note: I am not good at top lists. This was insanely f*cking hard to do.

So....drumroll..........

WHO SAW THIS COMING?

WHO FCKING SAW THIS COMING?

IF YOU DIDN’T,

YOU DON’T KNOW ME.

GET OFF MY BLOG.

These two pairings are....like...they affect me in ways I just cannot fathom. Like...I literally do not understand how they’ve cast these obsessive spells on me...but they have. Fanart records do not lie. And mine...for both of them is ridiculous.

So why?

The best answer I can come up with is...

“Most emotionally deep”. They inspire me. They make me squeal with joy and break down sobbing. They give me warm fuzzy feelings while at the same time, tearing my heart to shreds. I just can’t get enough of either one. It’s almost like they’ve touched my soul somehow. I just don’t know. I don’t think there’s a ship that expresses the feeling of ‘soulmates’ stronger than these two ships. I feel like Takuto and Mitsuki and Issac and Rachel were born so they could meet each other. They’re both oddly similar...and yet different as night and day seewhatIdidtharwiththepics. I think “sacrifice” and “salvation” is what I respond most to when I think about ever-lasting true love. And everything about these four characters’ development is centered around these two things.

[aeondeug]

So @thedrunkenminstrel​ did this so I might as well too. Let’s get an Aon’s Top Ten Ships list running! I will say right now that this list is honestly a very shaky thing. A lot of is something that is subject to heavy shifting around, and some of the things that are on it currently probably wouldn’t be if you asked me another day. The top three I can more genuinely state are like Actual Factual Top Three Material and wouldn’t shift much at all. But the rest are up to heavy degrees of change.

10. Naruto/Hinata from Naruto We’ve got to start this list off right and to do that let’s put one of my weirdly enduring baby ships in the ten spot. This was honestly kind of tied with three other ships that I’ll mention later as honorable mentions, but Naruhina gets to win out its spot for its bizarre personal significance to me. Namely the ship is weirdly instrumental in my realizing I was trans, by way of an AU I worked on where Hinata was a transman. And the entire thing was very heavily focused on that woe and also romance with Naruto who tried to teach Hinata the ropes of being a dude. Which sounds like a beautifully terrible trainwreck now, honestly, given that it’d probably involve him showing Hinata the local pornshop and being like YES. THE HEIGHT OF MANHOOD. titty mags. Stepping away from that weird personal significance that no one else save me holds for it though...Naruhina is one of those early ships I clung to really, really hard because I heavily related to one half of the ship and saw, in the other person, traits I found admirable. Like, yes, Naruto’s an irritating jackass who fails all his classes but he’s loud and out there and keeps trying even though he basically always fails up until the point when the plot deems him Ninja Jesus. All traits a nervous kid desperately wished he had and ones that I found endearing or attractive. Even if so much of the rest of him is so grating. Also this sets up the major theme of this list, namely that if you’re earning my undying shipper love chances are I relate to one half and have a crush on the other half. 9. Saria/Malon from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time This is really low on the list, but it’s here for one very important reason. And that reason is is that it is the crackship that will not die. Years have past since a little kid went ‘but what if the cute farm girl and the fairy girl were a couple!’ and the ship’s stuck. It’s also evolved over the years. Evolved into something that by its very nature is doomed to tragedy. Because really if you think about it there’s no real way it could be anything but. Saria dies in the end and is also a weird eternal child type deal. Malon’s going to grow up and move on from her first dumb little kid crush. It’s not really a ship I like am actively, emotionally obsessed with but it is one that I repeatedly go back to and just toy with the idea of every so often. Like it’s just an idea I find compelling to toy with. Early childhood love that by its very nature must die between a human and what amounts to a fairy. 8. Satoko/Rika from Higurashi no Naku Koro ni Alright now we’re back to something I am like deeply and emotionally invested in. As someone with an abusive family seeing Satoko’s story in Higurashi was a harrowing experience as a kid. Especially as a kid who has outright lied to CPS before to avoid further abuse. It was also a comforting one in a fashion. Since even before saving Satoko, Rika and her friends are always there to at least try and save her. Satoko’s a horrible brat and a horrible brat that I relate to. Rika’s...weird meanwhile. She’s someone who’s technically a child but due to magical fuckery is actually mentally matured past that. She’s also been pretty scarred by the trauma of what she’s gone through and it’s left her not entirely ‘human’. So much so she needs to eventually go through an arc just to realize that, no, it’s time to give up being a witch and to just...try and find what’s normal. Even though everything about that sounds wrong or even impossible. And that in itself is also relatable. But even then she’s still Satoko’s best friend and Satoko is her best friend. They stick by each other and I’d imagine they would later on in life. But even later on in life there’d still likely be mental disconnect there for a good chunk of time. And one also has to keep in mind that while Rika’s mentally lived for at least one hundred years she’s still not an adult. She’s just a child that was forced to grow up too fast and that’s eventually going to bite her I think, when she realizes that in itself isn’t adulthood. That’s an interesting thing to think of an toy with, I think. 7. Porrim/Aranea from Homestuck An entirely unsurprising pick from me if you know anything about me from my Homestuck days. Which are like my normal days, honestly, but the fervor’s kind of died down. Give it a bit though and we’ll get right back to Hamsteaking. Porrim is just...a very one-note little joke. In all honesty. But she’s one that provides like a vast sea of unexplored potential. Porrim is, like so much of Homestuck, a perfect Barbie doll to play makebelieve with. She is also a vampire. This nets her like 50,000 bonus points immediately. Then there’s Aranea. Aranea is a bad person. Let’s make no bones about that. She is a bad person. But she’s cute in a way, when she’s not being awful. She’s also someone that reminds me somewhat of the person my current boyfriend used to be, while also having troubles that I myself find relatable. And the most important part of the ship is that they canonically broke up. Which sounds like a weird ass reason to ship a thing I suppose, but the breaking up is what makes the ship interesting to me. It’s basically a tragedy in action. It can’t work out in the main timelines, though it might in alternates. And I like exploring what led up to it not working out. 6. Chise/Elias from The Ancient Magus Bride This is sadly not in the top ten yet as I don’t quite feel comfortable putting it there when I’m not caught up. But given where I currently am in the manga I have to say that this is one of the most disgustingly me romances I’ve seen in a bit. We’ve got a spooky monster man, an awkward abused girl...He calls her puppy and gives her head pats and they nuzzle each other like dogs. He kind of wants to eat her and he’s kind of a creepy weirdo to her at times, but she’s also not seeming like someone that is just going to bow down and eternally accept that and... And they’re both learning how to people. They both are. Neither of them really knows how to do this whole human thing that well. They’re both emotionally fucked and dysfunctional in their own ways. And they’re learning from each other. In such a fashion that I legitimately cried while reading my comics. Which is a bit hard to manage. Given proper time and catching up they may well travel up this list. 5. Malus/Carrie from Castlevania 64/Legacy of Darkness Alright. Back to childhood ships. Also more monsters. Also these were kind of awful ass games and neither Carrie nor Malus really have much personality at all. Carrie’s personality is mostly relegated to material in the manual, which paints her as an incredibly angry and distrusting child that hates adults and also God for failing her repeatedly. But that’s all just stuff in like a summary. And Malus’ personality is NYEHEHEHE I WAS EVIL THIS WHOLE TIME. So what, pray tell, is the appeal of this besides my obvious vampire fetish. The answer is that like...the bad end of the game has Carrie promising to marry Malus. Malus asking her to marry him presumably so he can like make use of the Belnades bloodline’s magic. Also Malus is Dracula. Dracula and human women do not have a good track record. Both in terms of him being able to resist the rare strong willed woman willing to put him in his place and in terms of keeping those women not murdered for witchcraft. Malus and Carrie is a ship of potential. Potential that plays into one of the central themes of Castlevania’s storyline which is that Drac really just wishes people would stop killing his girlfriends. I may or may not have also had an OC who was their kid who is also kind of basically another character on this list. 4. Glinda/Elphaba from Wicked Listen to What is this Feeling. Now listen to it again. Listen to Popular. Now listen to it again. NOW LISTEN TO DEFYING GRAVITY. NOW LISTEN TO IT AGAIN. We’ve got a green woman who is kind of hideous and who thinks she’s ugly! She’s also angry at the world and wants to change shit! She’s also tragically fucked! In the book at least. How is that not a me character? And Glinda. Gods. Glinda. She’s not stupid. She seems it in the book a lot of the time and Elphaba assumes she is right away but...Glinda’s not stupid. She’s actually very smart and putting on a front. Also she basically annoys Elphaba’s tsundere ass into being her bff. And if there is anything I love in my ships it is one half having to be annoyed into friendship by another happier character who is weirdly trusting and accepting of this horrible monster. Why? Who cares! But they are! Now listen to What is this Feeling. Please. 3. Zero/Fiethsing from Force of Will And now we are finally in the top three. We have also reached the part of the list where we have a character with alarming similarities to my weird kidfic OC from Castlevania. So Zero. She’s cranky and serious. Kind of nervous. Really nervous honestly. She’s also pretty cynical and at her worst points actively gives up on trying to save the world and attempts to destroy it or is like on the brink of giving up again. She’s also got abandonment issues, self hate problems, and uncompromising sense of justice that can be reasonably connected to the self hate problems and shit’s just not a good time for Zero. Also she’s a vampire. And then there’s Fieth. Her Most Important Partner. Lovely, stupid, irritating Fieth. Fieth who adores freedom above all else and who is seemingly full of endless optimism and hope and who is a cocky bitch and who lies and sleeps and is basically a cat become an elf. More importantly though there’s what they are. We don’t get to see Zero and Fieth becoming friends. We meet them when they’re friends already and have years of established history with one another. And shortly after we meet them they adopt a child. Or, rather, Fieth declares she’s going to raise the baby into her apprentice and Zero declares that she refuses to let Fieth raise a baby on her own. And then...they become a family. Just. A family. A pretty happy one at that. It’s eventually torn asunder by death and war but before that they’re just two mothers and their daughter. They are in a sort of quantum gay state like poor Nanofate despite their whole deal, but to me they do unquestionably read as a couple. One with problems. A laundry list of them. But a couple with a kid and, in a weird sort of way, a future. 2. Jame/Tori from The Chronicles of the Kencyrath I adore this ship. It is hard to quantify how much I adore it. But it’s quite a lot. It’s dysfunctional. It’s got issues. It’s incest and that shockingly isn’t one of the issues. And that’s why I love it. Because Hodgell has managed to take fantasy characters and mythic archetypes and humanize them with some of the most starkly real depictions of mental illness I’ve ever seen. Hands down. Tori’s a nervous wreck. He’s an asshole with problems from trauma and Jame doesn’t just take his shit. She actually does the exact opposite and tells him to fuck off. That’s important. Tori not just getting the girl despite being a human disaster is very important. The fact that his very behavior is why the girl does not want to get with him even though she really, truly wants to deep down is very, very important. Jame/Tori is the awkward and rough tale of two people having to recover from frankly atrocious abuse. Two people who are deeply drawn to one another but who also fear and kind of hate the other. Two people who can barely stand being in the same room as one another currently. It’s a bumpy road. It’s a road we’re not even sure they can make it down. But that’s why it means things to me as someone whose undiagnosed BPD almost destroyed his relationship. 1. Sakuya/Remilia from Touhou This just barely beat out Jame/Tori and the sole reason it beats out Jame/Tori is I have shipped this fucking shit for literally almost half my life. And I’m still not through with it or tired of it. It’s been years and years and it is still one of my most favoritest ships ever. So I feel pretty confident saying it is my One True Pairing. It’s also got a vampire. Wow. It’s got a human partner who is bad at humaning too! Double wow! And what it’s got in particular is exceptional flexibility. Like all the Touhous Remilia and Sakuya are kind of just left up to the mercy of the fandom. There’s canonical traits they have and we have seen them interact together and with others, but in a far more limited degree than what is seen in a lot of other works. And the fandom is what basically runs Touhou. It is a self perpetuating machine and Sakuremi is still chugging along years later and with a bunch of variety in it, even if it’s got some tropes I am really tired of seeing at this point. But why is this the Touhou ship to end all Touhou ships? Besides the obvious answer of ‘Duh, it’s a vampire and her maid. What the fuck else do you NEED?’ we have the ever important identification and wish fulfillment aspects. Which breaks into my own personal conception of the characters and their relationship with one another. So Remilia’s like...a kid. Forever. She was turned very young so even after five hundred years she still looks like she’s ten at best. She’s also kind of a brat and at times fairly naive in the way a kid might be. But we do see that she puts on airs. She’s TRYING to be this intimidating, sophisticated vampire lady and she takes pride in the fact that people ‘respect’ her. But that respect is more fear of the fact that she’s a vampire and vampires are stupidly powerful in her world. And as someone who had an extended childhood forced on him by his family and who is trying to learn what it is to be an adult and never being treated like an adult or not being able to handle it when he is...That’s just. Something very ripe for playing with. Especially when you mix it with Sakuya. Who’s an outcast among her own kind and who gave up on bothering with them for it. She’s someone who might have been a vampire hunter than failed to kill Remilia. She takes care of her and chides her like a child, but she also is most definitely subservient to her. And she’s said that she’ll always be together with her as long as she lives. Always. Sakuya’s like this weird mix of a sweet, caring goofball of a woman and a hate filled, mopey edgelord that really only could get along with monsters. So like, I like to think, that they’ve basically ended up finding what exactly the other needs. Remilia gets someone who sincerely respects her authority and takes her seriously, but who also will not entirely put up with her bullshit. Sakuya gets someone who...cares. At all. Someone to give her a name and talk to her and not chase her away for being monstrous. And perhaps more than any of these ships freedom to fuck around is there. It’s what I want to make it. Honorable Mentions We have three of these. Nanoha/Fate from the Nanoha franchise, Usagi/Ami from Sailor Moon and Shimako/Sei from Maria-sama ga Miteru. They were all just barely beaten out by Naruhina, hence their inclusion here.

[dazzlingkai]

hello honey, is there any happy k-dramas you can recommend me? thank you! 🌟

ohhhh.. this is difficult haha there is always some sort of drama/angst but here are some who weren’t all that bad :) (aka not that much drama and has a happy ending). 

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo: A coming-of-age story about a group of college athletes who are fighting for their dreams, experiencing and finding love in the process, and growing every step of the way.

She Was Pretty: When Ji Sung-Joon was young, he was ugly. As he grew up, he began to have an attractive appearance. When Kim Hye-Jin was young, she was pretty. As she grew up, she became ugly. Ji Sung-Joon tries to find his first love.

Playful kiss: Based on the popular manga, Oh Ha Ni is a clumsy student who falls for the perfectionist, Baek Seung Jo. However, Seung Jo is indifferent towards her and rejects her love. When Ha Ni's house collapses, she and her father moves into his long-time friend's house. It turns out that Seung Jo is the friend's son and Ha Ni is given the opportunity to be near the guy she loves. Will she be able to move Seung Jo's heart?

Oh My Venus: Kim Yeong Ho is a personal trainer for Hollywood stars. Even though he comes from a wealthy family background, he suffered a devastating injury during his childhood days. Now, he overcomes his problems with patience and stubbornness. Kang Joo Eun is a 33-year-old lawyer who has struggled to support her family. Now, she's overweight and not so attractive.These two had a connection when they were younger. Now as adults, they meet once again. They both go on a diet, which leads to them becoming healthier and having a romantic relationship.

Ma Boy: The first high teen drama presented by Tooniverse. Geu Rim (Kim So Hyun) is a student at an arts high school who dreams of becoming a pop singer. At school She gets a new roommate, Irene (Sun Woong) who?s actually a boy. Irena?s persona is a pretty Female CF star and his actual name is Hyun Woo.

The Greatest Love: Ae Jung was once the most popular member of girl band The National Treasure Girls. However 10 years ago the band broke up and she received most of the blame. Despite her warm personality her career has suffered ever since and she now spends her time fighting for air time on variety shows. Dokko Jin is a top movie star at the height of his career. The two meet and become involved in each other's careers. Yoon Pil Joo is a doctor of oriental medicine who has no interest in the entertainment industry but agrees to make a dating show. Dokko Jin helps get Ae Jung a role on a new reality show called Couple Making. Pil Joo is the bachelor being set up on Couple Making. Both men fall for Ae Jung both off and on the screen

Cunning Single Lady: Ae-Ra (Lee Min-Jung) is focused on her appearance as she believes it will lead her to a better life. She then meets Jung-Woo (Joo Sang-Wook) who studied engineering. They eventually get married, but they also get divorced. After their divorce, Ae-Ra goes through difficult times. Unlike Ae-Ra though, Jung-Woo becomes a successful IT developer and very wealthy. Now, Ae-Ra tries to seduce Jung-Woo to marry her again.

Protect The Boss: No Eun Seol finally gets a job as a professional secretary at a large conglomerate after struggling with unemployment, only to fall in love with her boss, Cha Ji Heon, the immature youngest son of a chaebol family.

Surplus Princess: Ha-Ni (Jo Bo-Ah) is a mermaid. For a man she is in love with, she becomes a human being and begins to live at the Ingyeo House. The house is for people who are preparing to land their first jobs. To permanently become a human being, Ha-Ni must make the man love her within 100 day.

Secret Garden: The drama tells the story of Kim Joo Won (Hyun Bin), an arrogant and eccentric CEO who maintains the image of seeming perfection, and Gil Ra Im (Ha Ji Won), a poor and humble stuntwoman whose beauty and body are the object of envy amongst top actresses. Their accidental meeting, when Joo Won mistakes Ra Im for actress Park Chae Rin, marks the beginning of a tense, bickering relationship, through which Joo Won tries to hide a growing attraction to Ra Im that both confuses and disturbs him. To complicate matters further, a strange sequence of events results in them swapping bodies.

Dating Agency Cyrano: This drama is about a dating agency that orchestrates romantic scenarios for paying clients, all in an effort to raise enough money to save an old theater.After Seo Byung Hoon (Lee Jong Hyuk) loses his best friend in an accident, the once-renowned theater director suffers from guilt and decides to save his late friend’s theater troupe. Using his masterful stage skills, he forms the Cyrano Dating Agency.

Pretty Man: Dokgo Ma Te is an ambitious man and wants to make a lot money using his beautiful appearance. He sets out to date ten of the most successful women in Korea. A strange woman then appears in front of Dokgo Ma Te. Her name is Kim Bo Tong, an ordinary girl come from poor background who’s been in love with him for ten years. Can she make Dokgo Ma Te love her.

She Is Wow: A satirical drama about how the popular announcer Gong Jung Han and top actress Jo Ah Ra pretend to be a close couple on the outside when they′re full of their own problems, a typical show-window couple who attempt to protect their elegant lives made of bluff and their neighbors' lives shown pleasantly.

You’re Beautiful: The management company of the idol group A.N.JELL insisted on adding a new singer to the group as the lead vocal, Tae Kyung's voice was hurting. However, the new member, Mi Nam, had to go to the States to repair a botched eye job just before signing the contract. His agent came up with the idea of having his twin sister, Mi Nyu,to stand in for him and pretend that she was her brother. The two of them grew up in an orphanage and Mi Nyu, who was all set to become a nun, agreed to this charade as she didn't want to spoil her brother's chance of fame which would make it easier to look for their mother.

Flower Boy Rayumen Shop: Yang Eun Bi is a college student preparing for her civil service exam with the dream of being a high school teacher. She accidentally encounters Cha Chi Soo, the arrogant son of the biggest food conglomerate in Korea. Both of them end up working at a ramyun shop run by the lazy Choi Kang Hyuk.

My Fair Lady: Of the high-rolling top 'hot celebrities' of the wealthy upper class in Korea's high society, Kang Hye Na is the one desired by the men, feared and hated by the women. Being the only successor to the largest conglomerate company, Kang San Group, Kang Hye Na has both the looks and the background. She is the owner of the ‘Lady Castle’ and lives a ‘princess-like’ life with her servants. Until one day, out of pure coincidence, she comes across Seo Dong Chan who turns her life upside down. Not only does he make her do community service, he even kidnapped her... and now he's the new household manager!!! Even after stepping on him, crushing him and biting him, he still doesn't run away. She may have finally met her match.

[ronanlyncx]

the best parts of the dream thieves (featuring me crying pt. 2)

part one

- “Ronan was everything that was left: molten eyes and a smile made for war” 

- Ronan’s second secret #gay

- Gansey: “i would have thought you had more muscles. Don’t feminist have big muscles?” i just want to punch him can someone please punch him

- gansey calling ronan an incredible creature #gay 

- “The elderly made ronan anxious” bitch me too!!!

- Ronan wanting to race kavinsky in the pig and adam is like dude no there is like 5 people in here we weigh too much and ronan goes: “noah doesn’t count” “Hey!” “You’re dead!” i love these nerds

- Gansey: “am I in your dreams?” Ronan: “Oh yes, baby” i hate him jsjksksk

- “Ronan sometimes dreamt of Adam, too” #gay

- Gansey and Ronan going to get orange juice at 3:32 am 

- “Unlike some people, my sense of worth isn’t tied into my occupation.” “Ooooooh,” Orla crowed… she traded her Henrietta accent for a gloriously snotty version of the Old South. “Someone’s been hanging out with Richard Campbell Gansey the third too much.” orla just came for blue’s life holy shit 

- “Jane!” “It’s a wizard in box.” “It will do your homework.” “And it’s been dating your girlfriend.” “Are you all drunk?” hey quick question wtf am i reading

- “Why is the tea so good here?” “I spit in it” Blue Sargent is an icon

“Blue Sargent was pretty in a way that was physically painful to him. He was attracted to her like a heart attack.” not to sound like a cheesy white lady or anything but this shit breathtaking bro

- “What do you want, Adam? What do you need, Adam?… Freedom, autonomy, a perennial bank balance, a stainless steel condo in a dustless city, a silky black car, to make out with Blue, eight hours of sleep, a cell phone, a bed, to kiss Blue just once, a blister-less heel, bacon for breakfast, to hold Blue’s hand, one hour of sleep, toilet paper, deodorant, a soda, a minute to close his eyes. What do you want, Adam? To feel awake when my eyes are open.” PROTECT THIS ANGEL GET HIM SOME TOILET PAPER WTF (also notice how what he wants continues to drop in difficulty to acquire this is so sad i’m literally a mess) 

- “You be careful, Adam Parrish. ‘Cause one day you might get what you ask for. There might be girls in Henrietta who’ll let you talk to them like that, but i’m not one of them.” i really love this woman

- “He [Gansey] was bare-legged and sockless in his Top-Siders and very clearly a real human, an attainable human, and this, somehow, made Ronan want to smash his fist through a wall” #gay

-  “Adam thinks he saw an apparition at his place” Ronan eyed Noah, “I’m seeing an apparition right now.” this entire relationship is just ronan roasting noah have you ever seen anything so pure

- Noah freaking out about the glitter in the snowglobe #angel

- Ronan paying Adam’s rent i am alive

- Gansey comparing Blue to a platypus

- “He threw me out the window!” “You’re already dead!” amazing

- Blue wanting to get Adam high so he can relax seriously someone let this boy take a nap

- Noah: “Is crack the same thing as speed?” 

- Ashley not going into St. Agnes bc she “refuses to participate in a ceremony that doesn’t allow equal spiritual privileges to women”  NICE

- Ronan dreaming kavinsky a replica of his white sunglasses after kavinsky gave him a copy of ronan’s leather bands #pettygay

- “and he was the boy with the most beautifully interesting car and the most savagely handsome of friends, Ronan Lynch” #gay

- Gansey: “I love this car. I should buy four more of them. I’ll just open the door of one and fall into the other. One can be a living room, one can be by kitchen, I’ll live in one…” what...the fuck

- Declan coming to give gansey a new battery for the pig and Ronan actually doing the most™ “He hurriedly sprawled back in the seat, throwing one jean-covered leg over the top of Adam’s and laying his head in a posture of thoughtless abandon. By the time Declan arrived, Ronan looked as if he had been asleep for days.” this is so extra omfgggg

- “His [Declan’s] gaze followed his brother’s leg to where it rested on top of Adam’s, and his expression tightened.” dude ronan even your brother is noticing your crush u gotta do better

- Gansey thinking that Ronan tried to kill himself after all this time and then finding out that Ronan was attacked by a dream demon thing #shook

- Gansey and Ronan fighting a different dream demon thing with a box cutter and a crowbar how are these children alive 

- “She [Blue] wore a dress Ronan thought looked like a lampshade. Whatever sort of lamp it belonged on, Gansey clearly wished he had one. Ronan wasn’t a fan of lamps.” This is the least subtle homosexuality metaphor i have ever read in my life (also: Gansey crushing on Blue #nice)

- refer to this post 

- “Let’s just go on before Gansey has time to say something that makes me hate him” lmao

- “The air was stained permanently with the pleasant odor of Ronan’s childhood: hickory smoke and boxwood, grass and seed and lemon cleaner. ‘I remember,’ Gansey said thoughtfully to Ronan, ‘when you used to smell like this’” #gay

- Dream toaster

- “I am being perfectly fucking civil” #iconic

- “Don’t fucking swear” #iconic pt 2

- Calla preforming arial yoga through the continuation of Ronan’s reading 

- The entire time they are on the boat adam and gansey have the biggest hard-ons for orla and blue wants to die/kill them and ronan is disgusted 

- ronan complains about the heat like 600 times i love my dramatic son

- Gansey finding the skin of blue’s calf more “tantalizing” than orla’s entire torso boiiiii if u dont get!!!!!

- “Blue cheerfully spit a mouthful of brown water on his boat shoes.” she’s doing god’s work

- “He was struck by what a glorious and fearless animal Blue Sargent was.” I’m emo

- “Gansey, pacing next to his ruined miniature Henrietta, set his eyes on Ronan. There was something intense and heedless in them. There were many versions of Gansey, but this one had been rare since the introduction of Adam’s taming presence.” The fact that adam calms gansey down is so pure and i cannot believe this is canon (also: blue also calms gansey down... i love my bisexual son)

- Gansey being badass asf when him and ronan go to confront kavinsky about breaking in the apartment and ronan going super heart-eyes 

- also i am convinced that this scene is dick’s bi awakening

- “…Gansey leaving for D.C. without him was unbearable. They had been a two-headed creature for so long, Ronan-and-Gansey. He couldn’t say it, though. There were a thousand reason’s why he couldn’t say it” #GAY

- “While i’m gone, dream me the world. Something new for every night.” #REALLYGAY

- no one in fox way can work a cellphone maura literally had to get blue to make the gray man’s voicemail work

- Ronan blowing a kiss to gansey and adam when they are flying away in the helicopter i fucking hate him jsjsjs

- Helen asking if Adam wants to go into the whole foods with her and adam just stares at her. me too buddy

- “’Pigmy Pouters. Feisty ones!’ Gansey mouthed Blue at Adam. Adam let out a little wail of helpless laughter.” adam parrish laughing: a concept

-  Blue finally admitting to herself that she likes Gansey while laying in his bed

- “I’d ask you out, if i was alive” “i’d say yes” :(((((

- the fact that adam’s dad actually pushed my manz down the stairs at one point i will personally fight robert parrish

- “This is Adam Parrish. Shake his hand. He’s more clever than I am. One day we’ll be throwing one of these shindigs for him.” MY HEART

- Adam literally filling up a whole page describing helen #bi

- when helen asks why ronan wasn’t with them, adam and gansey both get the mental image of the house burning down lmao

- “you gonna race with those shades on, you Bulgarian mobster Jersey trash piece of shit?” he’s so elegant with words!!!1111!!!

- Ronan thinking Kavinsky is beautiful um this is gross but #gay 

- Gansey calling Blue to calm him down just because she makes him feel “uneven and shattered” im fucking emo

- Kavinsky calling gansey literally anything BUT his name: “Dick three” “dick dick dick” “Dickie”

- Ronan figuring out how to master his dreams and then leaving kavinsky #scammer

- to be honest i cannot believe helen and gansey managed to convince adam about the hondoyota with the literal SKIT they used 

- “HEY, OLD MAN!” “Ronan!” ANGELS

- ronan apologizing for wrecking the pig and Gansey actually not believing his ears.

- “Hey, Churchill tried to negotiate with hitler.” “Did he?” don’t argue with boat shoe about history this man will rip you to shreds

- pink switchblade

- “Times circular, chicken”

- BLUE GOING OFF ON ADAM IM JUST ABOUT TO QUOTE THE WHOLE ROAST

- THE WHOLE ROAST: “Politics! I have no interest. Voting? What? I forgot my apron. I think I ought to be in the kitchen right now, actually. My rolling pin-” “i didn’t know that you-” “thats my point! did it even occur to you? You wouldn’t have gone someplace without Gansey, though. You two make a grand couple! kiss him! (lmao) Well, i don’t want to be just someone to kiss. I want to be a real friend, too. Not just someone who’s fun to have around because- because I have breast!” GO OFF BITCHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

- Adam calling Blue a raging feminist like do boys not know that this is a complement like yes this is the angle i am going for thanks for noticing

- Gansey and Blue’s first drive together #i #am #emo

- “Jane, in this light you... Jesus. Jesus. I’ve got to get my head straight.” MURDER ME

- When Adam woke up at fox way after being asleep for 24 hours or whatever he drank four glasses for pomegranate juice and three cups of tea and then left in the span of ten minutes. i know sometimes these kids act like they are 50 years old but....this is a teenage boy 

- “It was against Ronan’s nature to appear overly interested in anything.” HES SO EXTRA 

- Grey man: “But it wasn’t personal.” Ronan: “It. Was. To. Me.” :((((((((((( also i’m pretty sure neil josten said the same thing to that police officer one time i love parallels. 

- “when ronan thought of gansey, he thought moving into monmouth manufacturing, of nights spent in companionable insomnia, of a summer searching for a king, of gansey asking for the grey man for his life. Brothers.” kill. me. 

- kavinsky dying #goodshit 

[sadbutfunnyandtrue]

Forgiveness or Stupidity?

I have been alone for quite some time now. Not by choice, but circumstance. Maybe even by fate.

I have never been close to my family. We were doomed from the beginning--

gambling, abusive father, who I wouldn’t speak to on and off for 30 years, until the year he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer; whose love and praise I craved; who was charming and handsome and gifted with music, skill, and craftsmanship; who I hated and loved and forgave and regretted never doing so sooner,

my overworking, bighearted, kind-to-everyone, naive, trying-the-best-that-she-could, the living, breathing emobdiment of “a mother’s love,” martyr mother--whose sole purpose in life was to dedicate herself to her children, but paid the price of being a single, working mom, by leaving us to raise ourselves,

with the help of my old school, immigrant grandmother, a beautiful, fiery soul with a mysterious and resilient past, (who gets her own stories, in later installments),

and my brother, the notorious, pathological liar with some sort of narcissistic personality disorder (or multiple personality, or sociopath... I never knew the difference, but if you met him, then grew to know him, maybe you could tell me) and a violent streak. 

Never have I ever had healthy relationships. And even if they posed the potential to be, I found ways of sabotaging them, because I was (and sometimes still am) insecure and have abandonment issues, feeling undeserving and needy all of the time. That I was the problem and I couldn’t have that. I don’t even know what that looks like.

I felt this way about my father’s love. I felt neglected and abandoned by my graveyard-working, absentee mother, while she enabled my brother to replicate the fear and intimidation that my dad taught us as children. That meant power. That meant respect. That meant I had to get the fuck out of dodge, because there was no way my mom would ever kick him out.

I didn’t have lifelong childhood friends. I can think of one, who is literally one month older than me. There were a group of us, but he and I were soulmates. Not romantically, anymore or if ever, but in a, “you and I were put on this earth together to be there for each other, no matter the distance, you’re never alone,” kind of way. I swear, not romantic. There is an unspoken reverence between us. Our friendship and our connection are sacred. And though we don’t speak or see each other often, our bond is unbreakable.

A bunch of our moms worked at the same place, all got pregnant around the same time, and raised us all together until we went to different high schools. Then drugs (not me, not yet, anyway), then college, then money got in the way. Our parents used to think he and would get married, and I think, secretly, we did too, but the teasing was too much to deal with at 10-years-old. 

But when we used his address so I could go to school, after my mom packed up our lives and ran away from my dad, he was officially dubbed my “cousin,” because brown parents cannot talk about divorce and violence and bring shame to my name. That was a faux pas. We weren’t allowed to explain to anyone where we came from, how we came to a whole new town that I had never heard of, or why I was always around him. (My family and I lived at his house for two months until my mom could find a place for us to refuge). Anyway, while he is still my dearest and truest friend, we grew up and drifted apart. I still, and always will, hold a special place for him in my heart. He is the brother, twin, and protector I always wanted and the man I could have had but couldn’t bring or allow myself to want. His friendship and his heart are more important to me than his romantic love (there is none, trust me). He is, and always will be, the first man to never let me down. And I am eternally grateful for that.

I was always my brother’s little sister. While I can say now that my brother is a total piece of shit, there are some parts of him that are regretfully going to waste. He was smart and artistic. He had the potential to do anything, and I believed he was going to be a historian or a mathematician, or a robotics engineer, computer programmer, anime illustrator... then I don’t know what happened. I think he just got lost in the cool. He turned into a real jerk when we moved, lying on my name to make himself seem bigger and better. I would follow him a grade after, in the shadows of his legacy and the lies he told, all incredibly unbelievable and exaggerated fabrications. And it wasn’t until high school that people caught on. Thank god. I was tired of being abused and picked on by the hands and mouths of other people, because of the lies that someone, that was supposed to love and protect me, started. 

Because we were so close in age, I was expected to follow in his footsteps--do the same things he did, because my mom wanted us to get into good colleges and hang out together, fail out of my academic program because we shared the same last name and I had to be a fuck up, according to my teachers... So I obeyed, and did like any other tiny, angry, Asian woman would do--I obeyed, and vowed to prove all of them wrong.

But then they saw me. I became my own person. And later got crushed under all of the pressure to be better than him and emerge in my own light. But that’s another story...

We hung out in the same circles, and peers and teachers started to see it too. His friends stopped hanging out with him, but still hung out with me... which finally leads me to the fucking point of this entry...

The boys.

These were my friends in high school. We all initially connected because of my brother, but for reasons unknown to me (at least, my role and value in this group, as I would later find out), I stuck around them and they stuck around me. This group of boys, miseducated and raised on hyper-sexual anime, drowned in toxic ideologies of what it means to be a man, and cursed with small town, bro mentalities, stuck to me. And I took it as a feeling of belonging and love, because I had nothing else, and it was already there. That’s not to say we didn’t have good times, we did. But there was always something that made me feel as though I didn’t truly belong. Uneasy.

Needless to say, this became more apparent when I left town to go to college. I got to study new things that interested me, learn about myself and my culture, meet new people from different walks of life, explore in a way that allowed me to grow, have conversations where I was valued and listened to, where I was challenged... and they resented me for it. For making new friends, creating a life outside of them, for being “too good to come visit or hang out,” when I couldn’t afford to skip class just because they were there, or come home for holidays because I was working retail and needed to pay rent. They couldn’t be bothered to hear about how happy and excited I was, or even pretend they were happy that I was happy and growing, because I was doing it without them and they thought I felt above them. I did not. I just wanted to share the newer parts of my life with my homies. My day ones’. Who turned out to be fair weather. A season for a reason. 

Later, I would move back home and the feeling of unease and discomfort grew, when I began hanging out with them again. I felt like they were still the same people they were in high school, just older and more reckless than before. It was fun and exciting but also really stupid of me to slip back into the drama and the routine of bro talk. “Make me a sandwich” jokes. Talking over the girls and repeating exactly what we said a minute before, as though coming up with novel ideas and dismissing us because any input we had was insignificant unless it came from a man’s mouth. Reducing women in moves, in music, and in our circle of friends to their body parts, when we were in their presence. And when only one girl was there, the talk was amplified. It make me feel dirty and disgusted. And small. So insignificant, unimportant, and small.

I made the fatal mistake of hooking up with the worst of the group, a child that epitomized every basic ass fuckboi quality you can think of, a stripped down version of all of their worst parts. When he ended our situationship for the 7th time in 10 months, after cheating on me numerous times, and I came to my senses, I went after the boy that I was, and always was, in love with in our high school years. I would learn that he felt the same way the entire time, but it was again, “what about the group?” 

I was excommunicated for going after one of the homies, joining the weird group of “homie hoppers,” while we literally had one girl sleep with 4 people in the group and no one batted an eye, where partners traded and switched like line dancing... But it didn’t matter, because the bros we’re cool with it. And what about us? The women?

And forget that we were madly in love with each other--permission was to be asked if he could date me. Permission?! From whom?! Last time I checked it was my body and my heart. FuCkBoI didn’t own me! And since when do we announce our love affairs before this jury full of fools?

After a couple of months of blinding, beautiful love, later replaced with tons of mutual toxicity, I was excommunicated again. I could tell you why I made these terribly, illogical decisions, but this entry is already way too long and I can save this for later, deeper content. 

These very well could be in the top 5 worst decisions I ever made. But also the best, because it showed me who my friends were. Literally. I saw them for who they really were. Those that stuck around and hose who said, “fuck that bitch,” and sided with their bros, did. And those that stuck around selectively, in secret, and separate from the rest, might have been the fucking worst.

All this group did was gossip about each other. If one member of the crew was absent, you already knew they were the highlight of that moment. They aired out everyone’s laundry, especially when it wasn’t theirs to air out. The ones who rode the fence would not only share what I shared in confidence, but took it out of context, for it to be misconstrued in the minds of these bros before hoes, and repeated to the general public. 

Now when you’re in relationships, nobody knows it better that the two people in that relationship. And when you’re heartbroken, you’re looking for support and an ear to hear you out, help you wipe your tears, and sweep up the pieces of the life you had before them. It was unfortunate that our relationship formed, observed, and judged by the live audience of this group. But who better to understand you than people that know you both? Those who know the people you are at your cores and who can be unbiased, because they understand that they don’t know who we were behind closed doors.

I sat there and explained myself about the first situation. And then my current (at that time) break up. And I felt judged. And small. And invalidated. Again.

When I found out that my pain was being spread like confetti at a Warrior’s parade, excessively and way way waaaaay out of context, I finally called them out on it, right away. This time, was the last time. This time, I was done.  I couldn’t believe it, but at the same time, what did I expect?

I was done explaining why I felt hurt, why what they did was wrong. I was done trying to tell my friends this is not how friends behave. I was done having my feelings invalidated by people who failed to listen and hear me and show up for me in a way that they did for their fellow dicks.

 And I cut off all contact and have lived a much happier, drama-freeish, life. For the most part. But also, a lonelier, more selective, more private, and protected life. All in all, a better one, poised for the kind of growth and life that I want.

One of these friends texted me today, two years later, to the day, that we last spoke:

“Hey. I went to this therapy forum. I want you to know that I still value you as a friend and I’m sorry for what wrongs I caused you. I take ownership over the falling out we had and I ope that we can be friends again.”

I read that, and having gone what I have in these last two years, I responded:

“Hey. I really appreciate that. Thanks.”

To be continued...

“

[sapphiresea]

red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple

invade my privacy. do it.

purple: 10 facts about my room

already answered.

blue: 9 facts about my family

1. i have the cutest niece ever. i call her my little goose and brag about her like she’s my own child –– which is funny because she even looks more like me than my sister.2. my family speaks almost exclusively in random inside jokes, and most people just think we’re super-weird if they hear us.3. my mom almost died when i was two and a half years old. she had a blood clot in her gut. she was in the hospital for months. i was really little, but i have vivid memories of running in to see her and bragging to the doctors that i could spell. it was only as i got a lot older that i realized what a serious and traumatic ( for her ) experience that was and how it shaped all of us.4. i only have one cousin and he’s like a big brother to me. we grew up together almost as much as i did with my sister. he’s super-smart, too. he graduated high school at thirteen.5. my aunt has two step-children, who i don’t really consider my cousins because they disowned all of us after my uncle died. they’re also extremely traditionalist catholic and have eighteen children between the two of them. i used to have to babysit all the kids at once. i was not too broken up when they said i was an abomination for being gay and that i could no longer see them. sometimes i miss a couple of the kids though. i hate that they’re being raised in that environment.6. my mom and aunt are very catholic, too, but they’re a lot more liberal. i was raised to be allowed to come to religion in my own way, though i think if i ever said i was an atheist, my mom would have a stroke. ( good thing, i guess, that i’m not. )7. my cousin is for sure my grandparents’ favorite. my mom doesn’t believe it, but all the grandkids know it. i gave up really caring though. my grandparents don’t really want to talk to me, so i don’t really bother calling them either.8. my aunt is one of my favorite people. she’s such a good™ tbh. she donated her kidney to save my grandfather’s life.9. my mom has this belief of putting everyone else’s needs above your own, and there were times when i needed protecting and wasn’t or when i got into a lot of trouble fr rightfully defending myself because it was important to ‘keep the peace.’ it took a long time to unlearn that mindset, and i wish she would, too, because it’s not just me that’s hurt by it. she takes everything onto herself.

green: 8 facts about my appearance

1. my eyes are my most noticeable feature. they’re big and green and ever since i was a small child, people would stop me to compliment me on them. my best friend once said i have fantasy novel eyes.2. when i was very sick, i lost almost half of my hair and had to wear a wig for almost a year. ever since my real hair grew back, i’ve gone a little crazy doing whatever i want to it as a kind of reclamation.3. i have one tattoo –– a triquetra on my right wrist –– and intend to get one more quite soon. it’ll be on the same spot on my left wrist and serve as a reminder of all i’ve survived so far.4. i have scars. thankfully, they’re fading.5. short lesbian nails™6. i’m a smol bean. my girlfriend likes to wrap me all up in her arms and carry me around like a koala.7. rosario dawson –– one of the most objectively beautiful women ever –– called me beautiful. i will never forget it.8. i’ve been told instead of resting bitch face, i have resting disney princess face because i look so nice. that was a great compliment honestly.

yellow: 7 facts about my childhood

1. my dad used to take me biking down by the river, so we’d ride all the way down to the donut shop, snack together, and then bike back.2. i was obsessed with dolls and stuffed toys. i used to take one everywhere with me, and i had so many stories and games with them.3. my first crush was on a girl named sam in grade three. she wore the same shirt as me but in blue ( mine was purple ) and we bonded instantly. she was blonde and adorable and i followed her like a puppy until she moved away. i didn’t realize it was a crush until much later though because of compulsory heterosexuality.4. i first experienced mental health problems when i was nine years old and struggled with emerging traits of obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression. it was awful and embarrassing and confusing.5. the first movie i ever saw in theaters was the little mermaid when it was re-released. everyone then assumed it was my favorite and i ended up with so much little mermaid stuff...6. every tuesday night, i went to this weird religious version of brownies called pioneer girls. we basically ate cookies and read the bible and made weird crafts like popsicle soldiers.7. i met my friend, katie, when we were in daycare and she lived down the street. she came over to my house every afternoon and spent a lot of weekends with us. essentially she became like a sister to me, maybe even more than my actual sister for awhile.

orange: 6 facts about my home town

already answered.

red: 5 facts about my best friend

1. we met through a mutual friend, though we were in the same math class. the first thing she said to me was, “can i touch your hair?”2. we didn’t like each other for a long time due to misunderstandings until we were forced to spend a lot of time one-on-one because of friends who kept cancelling plans last-minute after both of us had already arrived.3. we knew we were best friends when we were ditched for a sleepover and i was already at her house and we awkwardly made conversation until we realized we had a lot in common, right down to loving the same obscure television series that no one had ever heard of when we were, like, ten years old.4. she’s a book addict to the extreme and it’s adorable. she cannot walk into a bookstore and leave empty-handed. her dream is basically to live in a chapters.5. she doesn’t think she’s as smart as she is. but, i mean, this girl is in law school. she scored in the top 5% on her lsats. she’s a brilliant writer. she’s amazing. also, she’s beautiful. she doesn’t believe that either, but it’s objective fact.( cc: @iimpossible-things ❤︎ )

[tosybelle-blog]

By and Hay’s Excellent Adventure--Part II

We stopped one last time, about two hours before we expected to arrive in Camden. The last few minutes before we’d pulled over, there had been a furious flurry of conversation in the car. Should we wait another two hours for lunch? Should we eat while stopped, or eat while we were driving? Who was going to drive next, and where was everyone else going to sit? Despite all the discussion, everything was cordial and no more than the normal amount of cussing went on.

When we pulled over, Hay practically scrambled over Jordan in an effort to get out of the car. She’d missed the last stop and had been doing to potty dance for the past twenty minutes, much to Jordan and Jeff’s amusement. I didn’t really have to go, so I waited until Jeff and Jordan were out of the seat and took my time moseying over into the middle row and out of the car. The day had been overcast until a short time ago, when the sun had finally come out in earnest. Jordan had been chosen to drive next, so he’d been nominated to fill up the tank. He’d run inside the service station, as had Vanessa, but everyone else had followed the huge painted sign on the side of the building, proclaiming the bathrooms to be around the back. I decided I might as well ‘try,’ so I followed them.

The restrooms were two dinky little single stall rooms that opened up to the back side of the service station, one for each gender. Adam had obviously beaten Jeff back here, or Jeff had peed first, and fast. In either case, Jeff was sunning himself, leaning against the building with his eyes closed and his face turned toward the sky, almost smiling. I joined him, a few feet away, standing ramrod straight against the building, feeling two kinds of warmth, only one from the sun. I almost said something, but decided that would ruin his moment. Instead, I just stared at him, finding his pose unbelievably sexy. Neither one of us moved until the toilet right behind us flushed. I jumped and Jeff opened his eyes. “Oh. Hey, Byron,” he said, and I realized he hadn’t heard me come up. I wondered whether the toilet had startled him, or whether I had.

A few seconds later, Adam came out of the bathroom. “All yours, man,” he said to Jeff, “but look out, they’re out of paper towels.” He emphasized this by wiping his hands down the front of his jeans. Jeff nodded as he disappeared inside the foul smelling little room.

Adam looked me over briefly, a weird expression on his face. “What’s with you?” he asked. I shook my head, not knowing what he meant. There were so many different ways I could have answered that question, and I was sure Adam didn’t want the answer to most of them. Adam scrunched up his face, not liking my answer, and walked off.

The toilet on the other end of the building flushed and Hay came out, looking relieved. I looked around and didn’t see anyone else waiting. “Think it’s safe for me to use the ladies’ room?” I asked her.

Hay nodded. “Yeah. Seriously, other than not having a urinal, it’s really not that different than a men’s room. I don’t know why they don’t just make them both unisex.” I ducked inside and she called after me. “I’ll stand guard just in case.”

I did notice one big difference between this bathroom and the men’s room Jeff was currently in. Well, two, actually. 1) It smelled a lot nicer. 2) There were actually paper towels in stock. I made a mental note to bring some out for Jeff.

I did my business quickly and washed my hands. As I did so, I took a look at the dispenser next to the paper towel holder. This was something we didn’t usually have in the men’s room. I looked at the bottom row of products, the standard tampons and maxi pads. Not too interesting when you live in a family that’s half girls. The top row was a lot more fascinating. I dried my hands and looked the machine over for a little while.

A bang came on the door. “Everything okay in there, By?” Hay called. I guess I couldn’t blame her. I had been in there for quite a while. I unlocked the door and opened it, peeking out at her.

“Hay. You got any quarters?”

“What for? Didja get your period or something?” Sometimes Hay has a weird sense of humor.

“Haaaaaay. Come in here and look at this.”

She looked around nervously, like she didn’t want to be caught hanging out in the ladies’ room with me. Only Jeff was out there, and he’d gone back to sunning himself. “What do you want?” she demanded when she finally came in. I just pointed at the machine. “Yeah, like I never saw one of those before....Wait a minute.” She started giggling as she saw what I had seen. The whole top row of the machine was full of condoms. And not just any condoms: fun, novelty condoms. One claimed it played music. Another was marked so you could ‘measure your guy up.’ A third was coconut cream flavored, and there were several others. All of them were seventy five cents a pop. She started laughing her silent, happy laugh and went back to the door.

“Jeff!” she yelled as she opened it back up. “You got some quarters? I’ll pay you back if you’ll lend me a few.” I heard Jeff say something but didn’t catch what it was. “Thanks,” Haley called and then came back inside. She grinned at me. “He’s going to go break a five. He must think we’re crazy, holed up in the women’s room together.” Her face darkened quickly. “Either that or he thinks we’re fucking in here.”

I gulped. Oh. Yeah. That. “Look. I told my brothers for a long time that we weren’t dating. They just never believed me.” I put a hand on her shoulder. “After a while I decided to just save my breath, you know? You know how they are. ‘Pussy this’ and ‘pussy that.’”

“Because girls just love when you call them pussy.”

“Right.” I wanted to say more, give her more of an apology. But there was a knock on the door. I almost asked who it was, but then I realized how awful it would sound if it weren’t Jeff on the other side, when a guy’s voice came out.

Hay hadn’t locked the door and Jeff opened it. “What are you two doing in here?” he asked curiously. He came in and closed the door behind him. “Oh, I see.” Jeff had discovered the machine also. He had his left hand in the pocket of his cargo shorts and he shuffled the quarters around, making a furious clinking sound as he looked the prophylactics over.

“You broke a five?” I asked him. Jeff nodded, not looking away from the machine. “We got enough quarters for six of these things.”

Hay grinned. “Condoms, Byron. You can say it.”

I ignored her. “Jeff, we’ll pay you back.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s cool. If we split the money, we can each get two.” He pulled his hand out, holding a handful of quarters. We put coins into every slot and bought one of each. By this point we’d been gone for a lot longer than we’d planned to stop and I was surprised that no one had come walking in on us while we were hanging out in the bathroom. I stuffed all the condoms in my pocket and we hurried back to the car.

We caught Vanessa rounding the corner as we ran back. She gave us a questioning look. “Hey guys. We ate while we were waiting for you. I’m going to go pee and then we’ll be ready to go. Did you guys buy everything you needed to?” She looked bewildered when the three of us shared a goofy grin. Vanessa strode past us but continued talking over her shoulder. “You guys are in the middle row, because I claim the back!”

***

We quickly climbed into the car, with Haley volunteering to sit bitch. I opened the cooler to find out that Adam and Jordan had eaten most of the sandwiches. I grimaced. “We’ve got baloney. You okay with that, Hay?” She shrugged and reached out for one and I dropped a couple in my lap. I dug through everything else. “Let’s see what else we have here, since Jeff doesn’t like lunch meat, or white bread. Granola bars? Carrot sticks? Yogurt?”

Jeff leaned over Haley, and she pulled her knees up to her chest and rested her sandwich on them. “Let me look,” Jeff requested. After a moment, he came out with a bag of rice cakes and the carrots. “This’ll do.”

I briefly got out of the car to let Vanessa in, and then I belted up for the next leg of the trip. Adam plugged his IPod into the radio as Jordan started the car. Something loud and incomprehensible started blaring. Haley put her knees back down and kicked me in the side of the foot. “What flavors of yogurt do you have?” she asked, but her mouth kept moving. Though I didn’t understand what she was saying, she gestured wildly toward my crotch, and then pretended she was blowing up a balloon. Jeff laughed.

Vanessa looked over the back of the seat. “What are you three doing?” she asked suspiciously. Jeff gave her a “who, me?” look, for the first time reminding me of the boy he’d been when we were ten. Vanessa glared at us for a moment and then put her ear buds in and lay down in the back seat, closing her eyes.

I pulled the condoms out of my pocket and we started silently swapping them around. Hay and Jeff started to gesture and wordlessly fight over the glow in the dark condom. I kinda dropped out of the conversation and watched the two of them go. Jeff had been a lot happier and much more fun ever since I’d told him that Hay and I were not a couple. Watching the two of them gesture, fake menacingly, and throw condom packages at each other, I suddenly understood. Jeff had a thing for Haley.

Well, why not? Like I said, she was smart and fun. And even a gay guy can tell she’s cute. She’s got shaggy blonde hair, a heart-shaped face and sweet dimples. She has a nice figure, too, with soft, round curves that were accentuated by the fitted t-shirt she wore. If I weren’t a homosexual, things between us might have been quite different.

That said, though, I felt my heart drop. My best friend...my only friend. And my childhood friend, my first crush, whom I already knew would be in my dreams that night, all grown up and sexy. Flirting with each other.

I withdrew from Hay’s side and retreated to the window. Feeling a bit like Jeff had looked earlier that morning, I looked at the scenery whizzing by the highway. Hay and Jeff started laughing, and I felt the first tears drop from my eyes and roll down my face.

Jordan caught Hay as she gathered up all six condoms and tossed them directly into Jeff’s face, while he tried to defend himself with one hand. “What the hell are you guys doing back there?” he asked, sounding amazed.

Adam turned around and took in the situation, and then chuckled heartily. “What’s this? Condoms? How old are you guys, seven?”

Haley looked at him, faux seriously. “I dunno, Adam. I don’t think seven year olds should be playing with condoms.”

“Apparently, neither should seventeen year olds.”

Jordan smirked. “Where did you guys get those?” he asked as the car changed lanes, passing the slow driver in front of us.

Jeff grinned. “Byron found a condom dispenser in the ladies’ room.” He tossed one of the packets at Adam, who caught it with one hand.

Adam turned the condom over and over in his hand. “And what was Byron doing in the... no. Never mind.” He flipped the packet over one more time, and then started reading aloud. “Sex on the Beach. Coconut cream flavored fun for her.” Jordan snorted. Adam turned to him. “You ever use a fun one like this?”

Jordan didn’t take his eyes off the road. “No, but now that I know they exist...”

Vanessa’s voice came up from the back of the car. “You’d have to find a girl willing to sleep with you first!” Adam and Jeff, not expecting the outburst, turned to each other and burst out laughing. Hay giggled and then looked over to see my response. But I didn’t move.

Hay elbowed me. “Earth to By. You okay over there?”

I was still crying. I didn’t turn away from the window, but I shook my head no. Haley seemingly took it to mean that I was trying to clear my head. She grinned at me and leaned in my direction for a moment, touching her shoulder to my arm.

Jeff looked my way, seemingly concerned, but didn’t voice that out loud. Instead, still looking at me, he said, “Maybe he’s just imagining how he’s going to put his share of the booty to good use.” Making a little dance groove with his arms and neck, he added a porno-movie sound effect, “Bow-chicka-wow-wow.”

Nope. Never. I was going to die a big, gay, virgin loser.

***

The town of Camden was just as beautiful as we had imagined it was going to be. Things had settled down after the condom incident, and I had pulled out a battered copy of To Kill a Mockingbird and read until Adam’s death metal started to give me a headache. Then I just stared out the window again for a while. Hay had produced a string out of nowhere and proceeded to teach Jeff how to play Cat’s Cradle for a while before proclaiming that he sucked at it. She’d then climbed into the back seat to whisper with Vanessa. Jeff, Jordan and Adam started discussing baseball, each supporting a different team he “knew” was going to win the Series this year.

But when we drove into town, everyone fell silent. Except Jordan driving the car, we all looked out our side windows, seeing the quaint town and gorgeous scenery. Adam tried to pretend like he wasn’t staring like the rest of us. “Huh. Is this all there is to town?” he asked, but we all ignored him.

We found a parking lot off a shopping strip and pulled in. It was too early to check into lodging for the night, but too late to really get any serious activities in for the day. By general consensus, we agreed to spend the day wandering around the commercial district. We had to start with a clothing store, as our uninvited guests had all packed as if we were going to Florida. We found a store that met their needs and they picked up a few long sleeved shirts and jackets. Jeff, who only had his flip flops, decided he needed a pair of real shoes also. Haley had discovered a couple of things she wanted to look at in among the clothes, so Jeff, Vanessa and I found a place a couple doors down that sold shoes.

When we got inside, Jeff zoned in on a pair of hiking boots that were lightweight enough for everyday wear. I caught the price and quirked an eyebrow at him. “Don’t worry,” he said, waving away my concerns. “I actually need a new pair anyway. Sometimes, I like to go hiking at home. I’ll call Dad. He’ll cover it as a birthday present for me, no sweat.” He looked out the front window at the rolling hills that were the town’s backdrop, his brow furrowed and his eyes seeing California. “I think he’ll just be happy to think I’m actually getting out to do something, anyway.” With that, he took his bag and left the store in a way that indicated the subject was closed. Vanessa trailed behind him. The two of them left me standing there, feeling horribly confused.

Most of the stores we popped into after that were either touristy junk or way expensive, but we had fun looking. Or at least most of us did. I noticed that Adam and Jordan just kinda plopped themselves on a bench on the sidewalk, claiming exhaustion, while the rest of us shopped. I hit them up on an idea that I thought would make them happy, and they each willingly gave me twenty bucks. I ran back to Jeff and the girls.

“Vanessa,” I said, “I got the guys to pool up their money for a gift to Mom and Dad. You want in? It’ll be easier to find something they’d actually use if we all chip in.” She nodded and volunteered to take all the money in a pocket in her purse. I fished out twenty five dollars of my own and added it. I was surprised to see Hay and Jeff both hand money over also.

Hay was smiling. “By. If your parents hadn’t let us have the car, we wouldn’t have been able to go. My parents just want a box of fudge and another of saltwater taffy. Easy. I’ll wait until the last day to get those. And Matt won’t care if I bring him home anything.”

Jeff watched her and nodded. “Right. I’m just going to pick up t-shirts for everyone, so that’ll be no trouble. So let’s go shop for your parents, and we can stop at that big t-shirt place on the way back.”

We shopped around for a while but didn’t find anything for Mom and Dad, though Jeff hit the mother lode in t-shirts. When we got back to Adam and Jordan, they were whining about wanting dinner and being tired of sitting on the bench, so we decided it was time to move on. “Can we go get the motel now?” Adam asked, and with us all being tired and hungry, we agreed.

We all climbed back into the station wagon, with Hay behind the wheel. She’d seen a motel just outside of town that claimed to have the cheapest rates, and she was bound and determined that, if it had vacancies, we were going to stay there. We’d just driven back onto the road we came in on when Jordan asked a good question. “What’s the sleeping arrangements?”

When it was going to just be the three of us, we’d decided on one room with two beds. The girls would share one, and I’d take the other. I knew there was no way we were going to be able to get away with just one room now.

The motel was run down but clean. Not part of a chain, it appeared to be family owned and operated. As the one with the credit card, I went inside and had a talk with the desk clerk, who was also the owner. I explained our crew and asked what rooms she had to accommodate us. I left a few minutes later, smiling and bearing two room keys.

Everyone was milling around, draped on the car, looking half dead. “Right,” I said, getting their attention, “We have two rooms. One has two twin beds. The other, two queen sized beds. Meaning, most of us are going to have to share beds.”

Vanessa nodded. “It would make more sense to be put me and Haley in the little room and you guys in the big room.”

The other guys all had some response to that. Jordan snorted. “I am NOT sharing a bed with you,” Adam yelled, not directing it at anyone in particular. Jeff just stared at his feet.

I looked at them, trying to smooth things over. “Look, I’m not exactly thrilled about it either. But we can’t afford to spread out any more than that. Maybe, if it gets too awkward, the girls will agree to swap with a couple of us on the last night?” I sent pleading eyes to Hay and Vanessa, who just looked amused by the whole thing. “Anyway, Adam and Jordan, you guys share a room. This can’t be that different.”

I tossed Hay a room key. With various assorted grumbling from my brothers, we all grabbed our bags and found our rooms. They turned out to be adjacent and even had an internal door that opened so we could share them. I tossed my bag on one bed and Adam tossed his bag on the other. Jordan stuck his on the dresser, and Jeff put his on the chair that was in the corner. We looked the room over. “We’re going to be here for three nights,” I said, eyeing the beds, “So how about we rotate beds? Each night, we’ll share the bed with someone different. That way, if anyone is having trouble, it’s only one night.” No one argued, so I went on. “The lady at the front desk told me about a great place for dinner. Are you guys as hungry as I am?”

The motel owner was right. The restaurant, which was on the edge of town and didn’t look like much from the outside, was excellent. Their specialty was lobster rolls, so that’s what most of us ordered. Jeff found a salad served with grilled fish that made him happy. The conversation was cheerful and mostly revolved around the next day’s plans for a hike. We settled the bill and started drifting toward the front door. The girls stopped at the bathroom, and Adam and Jordan headed outside for an imaginary sword fight, the continuation of one they’d been having for a couple years now. (Vanessa and I had just gotten used to them looking like idiots in public on a regular basis.) I turned to say something to Jeff about it, but he’d disappeared.

Hay and Vanessa showed up before he did. “Seen Jeff?” I asked as Jordan stuck his “sword” straight through Adam’s chest, causing Adam to crash to the ground.

Hay smiled at the action going on behind me, as Jordan put his foot on Adam’s “dead” body and declared himself the victor. “Yeah. He said he had a stop to make and he’d be back in a few minutes. Thought he was going to stop at the little boys’ room, but he went outside.”

Adam popped up off the ground and dusted off the back of his shirt. “He went that way,” he said, pointing to two little shops standing next to each other. One was a drug store, the other a liquor store. I quirked an eyebrow, wondering which one he was in.

I didn’t have to wait long. Jeff reappeared from the liquor store with a couple of paper bags that I knew didn’t hold nectarines. When he got close enough to whisper, I looked at him. “What...” I started, “How...”

“Shhhh.” Jeff reached out and put his hand briefly across my mouth, causing my thinking to go fuzzy. I had to resist the urge to grab the hand and kiss it. What the hell was wrong with me? “Not now. Let’s get back to the motel.”

***

We opened the doors between the two rooms and everyone gathered on the two beds in the guys’ room. Having been chastised once, I hadn’t spoken since we’d left the restaurant, but I’d developed a funny feeling in my stomach. I wasn’t sure if it had more to do with the alcohol or with Jeff touching me. Maybe a little of both.

Hay picked up my line of questioning. “How’d you get these?” she asked as Jeff pulled out a bottle of rum and a bottle of vodka.

Jeff grinned. “Fake ID.”

Vanessa was intrigued. “Really?” she said, “Let me see.” Jeff fished out his wallet and pulled out a driver’s license. Vanessa looked it over and then flashed it toward Haley, who also inspected it. “Wow, Jeff. This is pretty good,” Vanessa said, awed.

Jeff took the ID back. “Yeah. I paid a lot for it, so it better look pretty real. They were able to take all my real information and just make me a couple years older.” Adam gestured for a look, so Jeff passed the card on to him and Jordan to inspect.

Jordan wasn’t looking at the license, though. He was looking at the booty. “I think we have orange juice in the cooler, and I know we have Coke. This is going to be fun.” He caught me watching him and looked me in the eye. “Aren’t you glad we came along now, Byron?”

Adam had given Jeff back his ID. “Oh, you know him. Mr. Party-Pooper-I-don’t-let-a-drop- pass-these-lips.” He gave me a playful punch to the back of the arm. “Don’t mind Byron,” he said to Jeff, “He just has no idea how to have a good time.”

Hay looked over at me and bit her lip, waiting for me to say something and stand up for myself. Instead, I just looked at a stain on the carpet, wishing I was somewhere else. Hay crinkled her brow and for a moment, I thought she was going to yell at my brothers again. She went for a different tack instead. “What’s this stuff taste like?” she asked. “I’ve never tried either one. Usually, By and I just have some beer or wine, don’t we, By?”

“Usually.” That was a good one. We’d once gotten ahold of a box of wine coolers at a party her parents were throwing, and that’s the most I’d ever had to drink. I looked up and caught her eye, and she smiled at me.

Jeff answered her question. “It’s pretty nasty, in my opinion,” he said as he grabbed hold of the bottle of rum, “but you get drunk a lot faster this way.”

Vanessa jumped up and ran to the bathroom, reappearing with four drinking glasses. “There are two more in our room,” she said, and Adam grabbed those. They set all six glasses on the counter. Jeff had opened both bottles and set them next to the glasses.

Jordan found the coke and O.J. and added them to the collection. He’d decided to play bartender. “Who wants what?”

“Screwdriver!” Vanessa volunteered. Jordan made one up for her and then put together three rum and Cokes for him, Adam, and Hay.

Jeff grabbed the bottle of rum and poured himself a small serving at the bottom of his drinking glass. He looked at me with a grin. “What’s your poison, Byron?” I shook my head.

“Come on, Byron, live a little!” Vanessa said from right behind me. She’d already started in on her screwdriver and I could smell the vodka on her breath.

“No, thanks.” I grabbed my book off the top of my backpack and headed outside. Jeff gave the others a concerned look and followed, leaving his drink untouched on the counter.

I sat down on the hood of the car. Hay’d backed it into the parking space so we could unload more easily, and the hood faced away from the building. You could see a lot more stars out here than you could back in Stoneybrook. I put the book down and leaned up against the windshield. It was too dark to read and I really wasn’t in the mood, anyway. I heard Jeff come up behind me and take a seat on the other side of the hood, so close he was almost touching me. I didn’t take my eyes off the stars. Jeff picked up the book.

“To Kill a Mockingbird! I read that in eighth grade or something. Boo Radley is pretty cool.” I didn’t answer, didn’t look at him, yet I could feel his eyes on my face. He put the book back down. “What’s bugging you, man?”

I let out a sigh. “You have no idea how much I hate that question,” I said in a low voice.

“What?”

I turned to look at him for the first time. “There’s just so much shit you can take, you know?” I said, “Only so much crap. Doesn’t matter what I do. I’m still going to be the straight arrow. I’m still going to be the odd man out.” I wasn’t making much sense, and I didn’t care. At least I hadn’t started crying, which is what I felt like doing.

Jeff shrugged. “You don’t have to be, you know.” He inched a little closer, and even in my bad state, my skin thrilled as his arm brushed mine. “You could come inside, join the party. Be part of the group.” He sighed himself. “Sometimes, the odd man out makes himself the odd man out. Know what I mean?”

I wrinkled my forehead. “Yeah, but then I’d just be the drunk odd man out. I’d rather not do something just because everyone else is doing it, you know? I’ll get drunk when I want to get drunk.”

Jeff nodded. “Okay. I can respect that. You change your mind, you know where the booze is.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Jeff.”

He stopped after he hopped off the car and looked at me seriously, dead in the eye. “You ever need anything else, Byron, you just let me know. You don’t just have the one friend, okay?” And then he was inside, leaving me confused beyond belief. I was getting used to that when he was around.

***

It had gotten cold quickly outside, and even with my jacket on, I still felt it. I got in the car and turned on the dome light. Hay’s blanket lay forgotten in the far back, where she’d left it when she’d changed clothes so long ago. I was having a hard time believing that was less than twelve hours before. It felt like half my life had gone by in one day. I’d aged and become someone’s forty-year-old dad.

I’d been reading for quite a while when Hay came out and joined me. Her demeanor told me she’d had enough alcohol to loosen her up quite a bit. It doesn’t take much for her, though. She’s a bit of a lightweight.

She’d climbed into the back seat with me, on the opposite side. When I didn’t immediately acknowledge her presence, she came up next to me and tried to unwrap me from the blanket. I sighed and put down the book, letting her snuggle up next to me for warmth. She wrapped the blanket around us both.

“By. You mad at me?”

I hugged her. “Nope. Just not really my scene, you know?”

Hay wrapped her short arms around my middle and squeezed back. “What’s not your scene? Relaxing with your friends? Enjoying yourself?”

I put my head on top of hers like I’d done earlier in the day, wishing I could get calm enough to get back to that place we’d been in back then. It wasn’t working. “Lay off, Hay. Please.”

She fell silent for a moment and I enjoyed the feel of body pushed up against mine, the warmth she brought to the equation. Then she started speaking again. “You know what your problem is?”

“No, Hay. I have no idea what my problem is. Please tell me. I’m dying to know.”

My sarcasm didn’t deter her at all. “You need to let loose every now and then. Do something against the rules. The world won’t end if you don’t always do the right thing.”

I made a noise that was half-laugh, half-sob. “Right,” I said. The problem with being part of a herd—one of eight, one of an identical set of three—is that you always have to find ways to distinguish yourself. Claire’s the baby, so she acts silly and childish. Margo’s the cheerleader. Nick’s into sci-fi and nerdy things. Vanessa’s the poet. Mallory is the responsible, mature one. Jordan’s the jock and Adam’s the social director. But who am I if I’m not the one who always does what I’m told? I don’t just want to be ‘the gay one.’ Especially now. “Well, what am I then, if I’m not the ‘perfect one,’ the ‘good one’?”

She wiggled loose from my grip and looked up at me. “Human?” she suggested.

I grunted in a way that indicated that I thought she was crazy. Hay had no idea what it was like to be me. None at all. She’s only got one brother, and the two of them are so different as almost to be polar opposites. She never has to worry about who she is.

“No. Really. You should try it sometime. Just chill out, find yourself a guy and have some fun.”

A chill ran through me as she spoke. I backed away from her, into the car door. “What did you say?” I asked, shocked.

Hay was confused by my tone. “I said, find yourself a guy and—”

I didn’t let her finish. I pumped the door handle and jumped out of the car. “What do you mean, a guy?”

She looked shocked for a moment, and then followed me out, blanket spilling out onto the ground. “Oh, come on, By. I’ve known you were gay for a long time. Probably since before even you did.”

I gaped at her. She knew? She knew? So why had she never said anything? I knew the answer to that one without even asking. She had been waiting for me to bring it up. She probably thought the fact that I kept it from her was just another sign I had no balls. “I doubt that,” slipped out of my mouth as I processed. “I’ve known I was gay since before I knew what gay meant. Almost half my life.” It was the first time I’d ever said I was gay out loud, and even though I was worked up, that felt pretty good.

She laughed a little and sat back on the edge of the car seat. “Dude,” she said, “I don’t get you. Why don’t you come out already? You could have at least told me. I don’t judge you for anything else you do that you think is so wrong, so why would your sexuality make the slightest bit of difference?”

I squished up next to her and she scooted to make room for me, but I didn’t look at her. “If I told you,” I said sadly, “then that would make it real. I’d have to be gay. I couldn’t pretend to myself anymore.”

“Oh.” Her voice was starting to sound sleepy. She reached over and tousled my hair. “You really are screwed up, aren’t you? You’re scared of taking away a label you consider your identity, and yet you’re sitting here, denying a really big part of yourself.”

“Yeah. I guess I am.”

We sat quietly for a moment before she spoke again. “Ready to go back in and join the party? I won’t try to get you to drink anything. Everyone’s playing poker for potato chips, and they suck when they’re drunk. You could really clean up.”

Maybe that’s what Jeff meant about the odd man out making his own bed. I could have stuck around inside, even if I didn’t want to drink with the others. “Just one more question.”

She picked her blanket off the ground and shook it off. “Yeah, what?” she asked.

“How exactly did you figure out I was gay, anyway?” I just had to know.

She stood up and reached out a hand to pull me out of the car. I flipped the dome light back off and then accepted. “It had to do with how we first started hanging out. We were together all the time, you were a teenaged boy, and yet you never hit on me. I decided that you were either gay or damaged goods. And you were just too nice to be damaged goods.” She grinned.

I gave her a hug. “Hay, I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

***

Hay had been right. My brothers and Vanessa were inside playing poker on the floor. None of them was too drunk; they were just a little more exuberant and happy than they normally were. If I had to guess, I’d say they’d had two drinks, tops, and then stopped.

Jeff, on the other hand, had clearly not stopped. He was curled up in the fetal position, his eyes closed, still hugging his empty glass to his chest. Since he wasn’t clearly moving or breathing, I gave him a poke in the arm. Just to make sure he was still alive, of course. He opened his eyes. “Oh, hey Byron,” he said, slurring the words more than a little, “‘Dja know what? They should promote Captain Morgan to Major Morgan,” he told me and then started to giggle.

Vanessa rolled her eyes. “That’s the fourth time he’s said that,” she said. She picked up the new cards Adam had dealt her and then a gleam came over her face. She dumped a single serve bag of potato chips onto a paper plate that sat next to the deck of cards. “I’m all in!” she shouted. Jordan and Adam dropped their cards in disgust. Vanessa has a terrible poker face and they knew they were beat. She gleefully gathered up the pot and turned to Hay, who was sitting on the edge of the dresser. “You want back in on this one?”

“Sure. By?”

“Why not?” I left Jeff giggling to himself and played a couple hands. Even though the others were all wasted, I still lost. I suck at poker.

Before too much longer, we were all starting to yawn. Hay and Vanessa gathered up their “winnings” (Hay had eaten most of hers already) and said their good nights. My brothers and I brushed our teeth, sharing the sink, and then Adam and I headed out while Jordan used the bathroom. We looked at Jeff, lying there on top of the covers, fully dressed. Without speaking, we both went over to him. I sat him upright with some effort and Adam removed Jeff’s shirt.

Jeff opened his eyes again, only this time, instead of giggly and goofy, he looked sleepy and sad. “I miss my mom,” he said.

Adam looked at me over Jeff’s shoulder in a manner that said, “Here come the crazy drunk ramblings.” “Well, then,” Adam said, turning back to Jeff, “You should have stayed in Stoneybrook with her instead of coming with us.”

“No, no, no,” Jeff waved a hand. “I miss how it used to be when I was little. How when I was sad or scared, she could just give me a hug and take all that away.” He looked Adam in the eye and patted his shoulder. “She can’t do that anymore, you know?”

Adam looked at Jeff like he was crazy, but I nodded. “I know exactly what you mean,” I said. Jeff smiled and closed his eyes again.

The bathroom door opened and Jordan stepped out. “Next!”

Adam jumped up from the bed. He crumpled Jeff’s shirt and tossed it on the floor. “Schafer. You think you can stop thinking about your mom for long enough to get your own pants off? I’m nice, but I’m not that nice.”

Jeff laughed a little. “I’ll just sleep in ‘em,” he called, his eyes still closed. Jordan pulled back the covers on the other side of the bed, and I just rolled Jeff over to the bare patch of bed. He fell on his side, back in the fetal position.

Jordan covered Jeff up and then wrinkled his nose. “I’ll sleep with him tonight,” he volunteered, “but if he ralphs on me in the middle of the night, I’m going to kill you two in your sleep.” I nodded and grabbed the trash can from the corner of the room. It was full of soda cans and chip wrappers, but it was better than nothing.

***

Luckily, Jeff didn’t need his barf bucket that night. It was about nine when the girls opened the door between our two rooms and came barging in. They were a little too perky for that time of day, especially considering when we’d gotten to sleep and how much they’d had to drink. Vanessa came to the front of the room and starting flashing the lights on and off. Haley shook me. “Good morning!” she chirped. “Beech Hill Preserve waits for us! Get up and get moving!”

I smacked at her with one hand. “Cut it out, Hay!” She grinned and moved on to shaking Adam on the other side of the bed. When she let him go, he flicked her off and rolled over, covering his head completely.

Jordan was already sitting up, watching her progress. “Better not shake Schafer over there,” he warned. “He’s probably already got a giant hangover. No sense in making him dizzy to go with it.”

Jeff groaned and pulled the pillow over his eyes. “Why did I drink so much?” he moaned, muffled by the bedding.

“Because you were missing your mom,” I said as I rubbed my eyes and climbed out of bed.

“What?”

The girls and Jordan looked at me funny. I shrugged. “That’s what you said, anyway.”

Jeff pulled the pillow back off his eyes, but covered them with his hands instead. “Like I make any sense when I’m wasted.”

I pulled a shirt on. “Like I’d know. Never seen you wasted before.” I picked up my jeans from where I’d left them folded on the chair the night before. “First dibs on the bathroom,” I called as I strolled inside.

It was a while before everyone was ready to go. Hay had found Jeff some aspirin in her purse and he’d managed to pull himself together enough to shower and get dressed. Vanessa had refilled the cooler with ice, and we’d had a breakfast of granola bars and yogurt.

While we sat around eating and gabbing, I took a chance to look everyone over. Hay had put a headband in her hair to keep it out of her eyes, and she’d set a pair of kids’ purple heart-shaped sunglasses on top of her head. She wore a pair of low-rise jeans that dragged on the ground and a short-sleeved, heather gray t-shirt that ended mid-butt. She’d set her purple hoodie out to wear when we started hiking.

Vanessa’s hair is long and thick, and she’d pulled it back into two braids. She’d dyed it black sometime back, but the roots had grown in a couple of inches, showing the natural chestnut. She wore a pair of black cargo pants and a red oversized t-shirt. Normally, she wore pale face makeup, lots of eye liner and blood red lipstick, but today she’d gone au natural. It made her look a lot younger, but a lot prettier, too.

My brothers and I obviously all look pretty much the same, so we’ve learned to distinguish ourselves through our dress and hair. Jordan wears his hair short, especially in the warmer months, and he’d recently shaved it all off and was letting it grow back in. He wore a pair of cargo jeans, similar to Vanessa’s pants and almost as baggy, and he’d paired it with a shirt proclaiming him to be a Yankees fan. Adam’s hair is a bit longer and nondescript, and he wears his clothes tighter than Jordan and I prefer. He wore a fitted white t with a pair of jeans that, in his words when he bought them, “show off his ass.” My hair is long and hangs in my eyes, partly because I hate getting haircuts and partly because it gives me something to hide behind. My style of clothing is a little more preppy than my brothers, and sometimes I think I take more care in what I wear. I had on a yellow t-shirt with an orange collar and a matching orange button down shirt and a pair of khakis.

And of course Jeff looked amazing. I think he could have worn burlap and I still would have thought so. He had pulled out a pair of dark-wash jeans that managed to look baggy and yet tight all at the same time, and he paired it with a white shirt that made his skin look even more tanned than he had the day before. He’d put on his sunglasses, hiking boots and new windbreaker and he was ready to go. Actually, I think he’d put the sunglasses on even though we were still inside because it was the equivalent of throwing the pillow over his face. The lights were obviously still bothering him and he occasionally moaned and looked sick.

***

The drive to Beech Hill Preserve was pretty quiet and short. Hay drove, and Jordan sat shotgun, reading her directions and aimlessly flipping through radio stations at a low volume. Jeff was slumped in the middle row, his knees drawn up to his chest on an odd angle and his eyes closed. Unbeknownst to him, Vanessa was drawing flowers and hearts on the bottom of his boots with a Sharpie.

Adam and I were in the back. I was watching the scenery pass when I felt an elbow to my side. “Hey,” Adam said in a voice just above a whisper. Clearly, he didn’t want Vanessa and Jeff listening in.

“What?”

He cleared his throat a little, looking furtively at the other two on the other side of the seat. “I just wanted to tell you I’m sorry.”

I became instantly uncomfortable. “For what?” I asked.

“You know, for razzing you last night.” He looked away. “For always razzing you.”

I shrugged. It was just part of our triplet banter, right? I was used to it by now. “It’s okay,” I told him.

“No. It’s really not.” He fidgeted and I could tell this conversation was difficult for him. “We’re supposed to be a team, you, me, and Jordan. And somewhere along the way, it became a pair, me and Jordan, in a war with you.” Adam audibly sucked in a breath. He’s not usually big on what he calls “that feelings bullshit” and I admired the way he plunged ahead anyway. “I miss when everyone called us ‘the Pike triplets’ and couldn’t tell us apart.” A pause and he looked back over at me finally. “I miss you.”

Suddenly I understood why he’d hijacked the trip. We were all three going to different schools, in different states, in the fall, so we only had so long to be ‘the Pike triplets’ together. “Even though I always do what’s expected of me?”

“’Specially because of that. It’s just you.”

A few minutes went by in silence. Adam assumed that his warm, fuzzy moment was the end of the conversation. But I felt there were a few more things we needed to cover. “I’m not going out with Haley,” I said.

He startled. “What?”

“Hay and I are not dating. We’re just friends.”

Adam looked at me cockeyed. “Okaaaaaaaaaaaay....” His voice oozed sarcasm.

“No, really.” I was bound and determined to get him to believe me this time. “She’s just my best friend. I’ve never even kissed her.”

“Seriously?”

I nodded. “Yeah. And it really bugs her when you guys joke about us fucking in the back of the car or whatever.”

Adam looked remorseful for a second, but then his face clouded over. “It bugs her, but not you?” he asked.

I shrugged. “Yeah, it bugs me. But if you remember, when you guys first started making the jokes, I kept telling you they weren’t true. After a while, I just let it go.”

Adam shifted his eyes to the side, and I could tell he was trying to remember that. “I just always figured you were embarrassed,” he said slowly, “Like you never thought you’d be the first one of us to swipe his V-card or whatever.” He grinned. “So we’re back to it being a three way race.”

I had to smile at that, but I didn’t let it deter me from everything else I had to say. “There’s just one more thing you should know,” I said seriously.

Adam’s grin faded instantly. “What?”

My courage was beginning to fade as well. “Well, I...I’m...I...”

“We’re here!” The car came to a stop in a parking lot. Adam and I had been so busy talking that we hadn’t even noticed that we’d arrived at the park. The others were starting to pile out of the car, and someone opened the back door to dig in the trunk. Our conversation was now wide open.

“Shit!” I moaned, disappointed that the moment had come and gone. I knew Hay was right and I needed to tell people about it. That I’m gay, I mean. (See? I’m even having trouble writing it down.) And since Adam was being so forgiving of my differences, I’d thought it might be a good time.

I wasn’t exactly ready to get up on top of a picnic table and shout it to the world. But I’d decided to tell at least my brothers while we were on vacation. If Jordan felt the same way Adam did, it would be a weight off my shoulders, and maybe next time they had a sword fight, I could be the one standing there, proclaiming victory.

Adam’s brow was furrowed and he looked at me dead seriously. “What were you going to say?” he asked.

I shook my head at him. “Later.” He nodded and we climbed through the trunk to the exit.

Jordan had a backpack that he was planning to carry, and he was offering us all the opportunity to stick things in it: wallets, water bottles. He was having an animated discussion with Hay, who was trying to get him to carry a giant bottle of sunscreen. “I’ll look like a total girl!” he wailed.

“It’ll be in your backpack! No one will see it unless one of us asks to use it! And then you’ll look like a total good guy for carrying it.” She spotted us from the other side of the parking spot. “Adam! By! Your brother’s being a big baby!”

“So what else is new?” Adam asked, and he bumped my shoulder with his fist and then went to go smooth things over.

***

After Adam agreed to carry the backpack, sunscreen and all, we took off down the trail. Jordan had been teasing me a bit for slathering sunscreen on my face and then wearing a hat, so Adam challenged him to a race and they took off down the path way far ahead of the rest of us.

Vanessa had brought a camera and was snapping photos of everything. She got one of me and Hay standing on a bench with our hands over our eyes, looking out into the sun. She snapped Jeff looking for four leaf clover. She even managed to get a picture of when Jordan tripped and splattered along the path.

By the time we reached the top of the hill, we were all walking together again. The hill isn’t very tall, but the land around it is low, so you get quite a view. Vanessa had chosen Beech Hill because one of our guide books had mentioned it was where “the mountains met the sea.” A hush fell over all of us. The only sounds were nature sounds, birds, insects, and the wind, and the sound of Vanessa’s camera.

After a few moments, a half-whisper came out from over my shoulder. “It’s like looking at God,” Jeff said. He raised his arms up to the sky and screamed a wordless yell. We all stopped our sightseeing and stared at him. The yell continued for a bit longer than we were comfortable with, and all of us started to look at each other, feeling awkward. He took a breath and continued to yell. “I’ve found a reason to live!” he shouted at no one in particular. Then he started to cry.

“What is this, spring break or emotional breakdown time?” Jordan asked under his breath. I was wondering the same thing.

Hay put her arm around Jeff’s shoulder and pulled him into a hug. He put his head on her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her neck, sobbing so hard he was having trouble breathing. Hay gave me a panicked look and I opened my mouth, and then closed it again. Instead, I took a big step over and joined the two of them, throwing my arms around them both. My head was right next to Jeff’s, and I spoke to him in a low voice. “It’s okay, man,” I soothed. “Just let it out, okay? We’re here for you.”

As I was finishing, I felt a set of arms wrap around me also. Adam sighed as he pulled the group of us together even tighter. Not to be left out, Vanessa came around the other side and threw her arms around the party. “Come on, Jordan, group hug!” she called.

Jordan shook his head. “Naw, too gay for me, thanks,” he said, but he was smiling.

Jeff gave one last shuddering sob and then wiped at his face with the one hand he could reach. “Okay,” he said hoarsely. “You can let me go now. Please.” We all slowly disengaged. Jeff’s face was red and he looked really embarrassed. “Sorry,” he said.

“No need to apologize,” Adam said breezily. “We all have our moments, right?” He opened Jordan’s backpack and shuffled through the water bottles. Vanessa had labeled them all with initials on the cap, with her Sharpie marker. Adam pulled out the one labeled S and Jeff accepted it gratefully.

Jeff sat down on the ground just off the path and took a big swig. “Yeah,” he said slowly as the rest of us joined him, “but most of us don’t lose our fucking heads in one of the most beautiful places on Earth.”

“No, some of us just throw temper tantrums in the back seats of cars and then sulk for a couple hours.” Haley sat with him, and Adam tossed her water to her. She caught it with one hand.

Vanessa squatted. “Some of us go on vacation with our brothers just so we can get away from crazy boyfriends,” she said.

I joined them, waving away Jordan’s offer of my water bottle with one hand. “And some of us walk out of a perfectly good party because we’re not in the mood to drink,” I added.

Jeff looked over at me. “And some of us get so drunk we miss the fun. Maybe you’ve got the right idea, By.” He called me by my nickname. I’m not sure why it felt so personal. Maybe because only Hay ever used it. “I don’t know. Sometimes, I just gotta do things to get out of my own head. It hasn’t been a good year up in there.” His facial expression indicated he had more to say, but he stopped and kept it to himself.

***

We sat for a while, drinking water and eating fruit snacks, but after a while, Vanessa started complaining about needing to pee. We all stood and dusted ourselves off.

Jeff led the charge down the hill like a man on a mission. By the time we were halfway back to the car, we were all tired, hungry and more than a little cranky. The random sniping began almost right away. Hay yelled at me. Jeff snarked at Jordan. Vanessa shouted at Adam. We reached the parking lot a sullen, resentful bunch.

Vanessa was into full-on whine mode. “Why isn’t there a bathroom out here?” she shrieked, squeezing her knees together in a dramatic fashion.

Adam threw his empty water bottle at her, bouncing it off her chest. “Use this!”

She made a kissy face at him. “So sweet, your concern for me.” Then she grabbed the bottle and inspected it. “I’d need a funnel to make that work,” she mused. Adam stuck his tongue out and looked disgusted at the image, but the two of them climbed into the middle seat of the car.

I opened the trunk and then tossed Hay back the keys. She missed them and they went under the car. She got down on her hands and knees and fumbled around for them. “You throw like a girl,” she sniped.

“Yeah, well, you can’t catch.”

Jeff came around next to Hay to help her search. A few moments later, he came up triumphant and handed the keys over.

Jordan opened the shotgun door and got back out. “What’s taking so long?” he bellowed.

Jeff shrugged and climbed into the trunk. “Life,” he mumbled as he bypassed me and moved to the backseat. I looked after him, confused.

Jordan came over and saw me sitting on the tailgate. “What are you doing?” he asked. I took a sip of water and said nothing. Actually, I was trying to restrain my temper before I got into the car and said something to someone—anyone—that I’d really regret. Jordan narrowed his eyes. “Don’t you know you’re supposed to answer when someone asks you a question?”

I looked away and capped my water. Hay appeared around the corner, watching the two of us with a wary eye. Jordan didn’t notice her; his eyes were focused on me. He took another step in my direction. I didn’t really worry about him, because was just as cranky as the rest of us and just itching for a fight. I figured I’d let him get his words out and not give him a response. It usually works pretty well, but not so much this time. “You know what your problem is?” he asked me.

Oh, God, not this again. Why does everyone think they know what my problems are? I stared at my hands and felt a few tears sting my eyes. The lack of sleep and everyone else’s bad attitude was rubbing off on me. “Are you crying?” Jordan asked, incredulous. I wiped at my eyes with my hand. “Oh, shit, you are such a girl sometimes,” he shouted. “Why do I even bother with you when—”

He was interrupted by a sudden movement. Hay flew around the corner and slugged Jordan hard in the face. And with that, pure chaos erupted.

Jordan screamed. Vanessa and Adam hopped out of the car, followed by Jeff, who had scrambled into the middle seat first. I shrank away from Hay and Jordan as Jordan’s nose began to bleed. His hands flew to his face. Hay just stood there, with a small, satisfied smirk on her face.

“What the hell did you do?” Adam asked, completely amazed. “Haley?”

She shook herself, but the smirk didn’t go anywhere. “I hit him!” she yelled, “and I’d do it again!”

Jeff and Vanessa each grabbed one of her arms and pulled her back away from Jordan. Hay shook them off. Her face crumpled like she might cry and she put her hands to her eyes for a moment, and then retreated to the car, slamming the middle door behind her. Jeff flashed his eyes at Adam, who nodded, and Jeff climbed in after her.

Jordan had sat down on the tailgate next to me. I jumped off and gave him space. Adam took my seat. “How bad is it?” he asked, prying Jordan’s fingers away from his nose. Jordan moaned and Adam grimaced. “Yuck,” he said, shaking his head. “Hey, Vanessa, go grab me some napkins from the glove compartment, okay?” She nodded and ran off. “Pinch your nose, dude, and hang on a minute.”

Vanessa returned with the napkins and Jordan put them to his nose. He groaned again and I blanched. “Are you okay?” I asked timidly.

Jordan looked at me venomously. “Oh, fuck you, Byron,” he said, spitting blood down his shirt as he spoke. “Go sit in the car with your little girlfriend and leave me alone, okay?”

I instinctively backed up a step, but I didn’t go any farther. Vanessa spoke up. “Adam? What else do you want us to do?”

“Nothing, okay? Just get in the car. We’ll be ready to roll again as soon as his nose stops bleeding. Byron, you and me in the front seat, alright? Vanessa, you okay sitting back here with old Blood and Guts?” Vanessa nodded and Adam let her past him into the trunk.

I walked the long way around the car to bypass Jordan and hopped in the passenger’s seat, not really in the mood to drive. Hay had pulled her hoodie over her head and was turned around in such a way that I knew that she was not in the mood for discussing anything with anyone. Jeff leaned in toward me. “What’s the matter with her?” he asked, genuinely concerned. He used the proximity to give me the car keys.

I shrugged. “Obviously something, but I haven’t been able to get it out of her yet.” We’ve been too busy working on my alleged problems, I thought bitterly to myself.

***

We decided to stop a grocery store on the way back to the motel, to fill our cooler back up. Adam ran in and bought some ice, which he took back to Jordan, waiting in the car, cursing under his breath. Vanessa ran straight to the restroom. That left Hay, Jeff and I to do the actual shopping.

As soon as we were alone, I grabbed Hay’s arm. “You didn’t have to punch him that hard, you know,” I hissed.

“Yes, I did,” she growled, her face clouding over. “He’s been a colossal shit for two days straight. I’ve had it.”

“He’s been an ass for eighteen years straight. What’s your point?”

We stood there glaring at each other in the cereal aisle for a moment, until Jeff, who’d been spectating nervously, broke the stalemate. “I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starved. Can we go ahead and shop already?”

Hay stared at Jeff like she had forgotten he was there. “Sure,” she said, turning pink a little. “Let’s get some food.”

I realized I was still gripping her arm. Embarrassed, I let it go and gingerly patted her shoulder. “Yeah. Um, breakfasts? We’re in the right aisle.”

Jeff smiled at me and gave Hay a little hug. He said something into her ear which made her laugh and blush even more. She walked away from him and over towards where I was inspecting cereal boxes. I could hear her muttering under her breath. “Like I said, gay guys and damaged goods....”

“What?”

“Nothing.” She picked a box of Lucky Charms off the shelf and threw it into the cart, a little harder than necessary. She was obviously still upset, but whether it was directed at me, or at Jordan, I couldn’t be sure.

***

By the time Vanessa found us, we were in the deli. We had picked up cereal, milk, bread and snacks and were looking at sandwich fixings. As we’d shopped, most of the anger and awkwardness had fizzled, and Hay and I were able to have a normal conversation again. Jeff had thrown some granola, soy milk, multi-grain crazy-health-nut bread and sweet potato chips into the cart, but we didn’t really mind too much.

I stood in front of a display of lunch meats, looking over the selection. Jeff came up behind me. “Hey, Byron, did you want—”

“Shhhh!” Hay hushed him. “He’s in his element. Watch. This is like something off the Discovery Channel.” Jeff fell silent and stood next to her as she narrated. “Here we have the American Teenager-us Boy-us, in his native habitat,” she said in her best fake Australian accent. “Isn’t he a beaut?”

Jeff started laughing. “That is the worst accent I’ve ever heard,” he told her.

“Oh, believe me, I can do worse.” She put her hands up to her eyes like a pair of binoculars, and went back to Crocodile Hunter mode. “Watch how he surveys the prey before deciding which will be chosen. This is an important decision and not to be taken lightly.”

I reached out and picked up several packets of turkey and ham with one hand, and flicked her off with the other. She was undeterred. “The American Teenager-us Boy-us has his own special way of communicating. See how he shows his affection with the use of a single finger?”

I finally turned around. “Affection?”

Hay shrugged. “Hatred bordering on rage?” she suggested.

I laughed and hugged her. “You know I can’t stay mad at you.”

Jeff laughed again. “You two are nuts,” he opined. He then thought for a second before asking, “Haley, if the native habitat of the American Teenager-us Boy-us is the deli aisle, then what am I?”

She appeared to contemplate that for a while. “You’re a rare subspecies known as the Californian Teenager-us Boy-us, which is more at home in the sprout and tofu aisle,” she finally commented.

I raised an eyebrow. “Do grocery stores have sprout and tofu aisles?” I teased.

“They do in California,” Hay declared, even though she’s never been there. Jeff shook his head at me.

Vanessa came back to the cart at that point with a pack of American cheese. “What are you freaks doing over here?” she asked. Without waiting for a response, she surveyed the cart. “Jeff, what exactly are you going to put on your sandwiches?” she asked.

We’d already had this discussion. Jeff eats pretty much organic, and just about anything he would have liked on a sandwich would have gone bad pretty quickly. “Peanut butter,” he answered, “Peanut butter and honey.”

“Well, great. Let’s get some and get out of here. I want to see how bad Jordan’s face looks,” Vanessa said, just a little too gleefully. Hay cringed, but Vanessa didn’t see it.

***

When we arrived back at the station wagon, Adam was leaning against the driver’s side door, looking nonchalant. “How’s your hand, Haley?” Hay scowled at him, but he smiled at her. “Don’t worry. Jordan was totally asking for it. I’m just surprised you’re the one who walloped him.”

Jeff chuckled and opened the trunk, throwing in the boxes of cereal. I opened the back door and opened the cooler, which Adam had already filled with ice. Vanessa handed me the perishables a few at a time.

As I worked, I looked over the front seat at Jordan. He was folded up in the passenger’s seat with a baggie of ice over the bridge of his nose and his left eye. He’d picked up my baseball cap and pulled it down over his face. Jordan was pretending to be asleep, but his breathing told me he was hearing every word we were saying.

Hay looked fretfully over Adam’s shoulder into the car. “I didn’t break his nose, did I?” she asked him.

Adam shook his head. “Nope. But you gave him what’s going to be one hell of a shiner. He’s going to have a fun time explaining that one: ‘My brother’s female best friend kicked my ass.’”

I noticed, gratefully, that he didn’t say girlfriend. Hay gave him a wavering smile and then climbed into the back with Jeff, who gave her another hug. “Let’s go home,” she said, and I wondered whether she meant the motel or Stoneybrook.