#took us like 2 months because you cannot imagine how hard it is to get a bunch of adults together on a sunday night

[fiveminuterice]

this is awful the last fic i read was a twilight edward/bella’s dad slash fic. sick to my stomach.

[wasitforrevenge]

new romantics

pairing: MODERN AU!college azriel x female reader

warnings: may be some triggering content including tampon is a douchbag at a party, mentions of drugs and alcohol, mentions of sexual activity but nothing major, smut books mentioned (hehehe) a fight occurs but can you blame him? he’s just defending your honor ugh, two idiots in love who want nothing but each other and can’t admit it, no use of y/n, imagine her as you, because it is YOU! half editted… ill get to it later i promise

word count: 4.5k

summary: your new study partner is better than you first realize… and now you can’t stop thinking about him, but he can’t stop thinking of you either.

authors note: hi first time writing for acotor! been a fan of these books for a while and my baby azriel does something to me!!! so here’s something i spent the night writing it was 10 different things before it was this lol! pls like, reblog and comment! thank you everyone for reading! photo credit to pinterest, and please i strive to do better so any thoughts pls free feel to let me know! thank you for the support! this is the first time i’ve had the energy to write in months so pls dont go too hard

you met azriel in a greek mythology lecture that you both ended up in during the second semester of your sophomore year. getting partnered with an incredibly built and handsome man for a history report your teacher assigned was the least of your problems when you realized how fucking kind and beautiful azriel is on the inside and out.

the real problem came when you realized how hard you were falling for this man when you started hanging out casually, hitting the coffee stand before class or getting food after a long day. you learned so much about him in a matter of months and couldn’t get him out of your head.

you never spoke existence to your feelings for him, mainly because you didn’t want to ruin a very good potential friendship but partly because you didn’t think you were good enough for someone like him. you’ve heard little whispers about his other… activities and you couldn’t help the way it made you feel.

at the start of your junior year, you and azriel were practically best friends and it just felt so natural. the way you two were together. the way your conversations flowed and the way the silence was never deafening when you were together. you spent time cuddling on the couch in your living room watching movies and rating tv shows and going to visit parks around town and getting high as fuck. once time you had even gone crazy and took some acid and spent hours at the aquarium watching all the fish. you studied for classes together, the one you shared and the ones you both took on your own.

you and azriel were always testing out new recipes in his large kitchen. its wonderful that he lives alone. alone as in by himself but you cannot glance over the fact that the rhysand and feyre along with cassian and nesta live on the same floor of this apartment building close to campus. you luckly only live 2 floors down, a thing you realized when you managed to see him in the elevator about a week or two after you first started studying together.

you were debating all summer about confessing your feelings to him but could not gather the courage to bring yourself to admit it to him and face rejection. you couldn’t mess up the relationship between you already. he was your best friend and you really didn’t have too many besides him. you’ve met his family and have spend a lot of time with them, they’re all practically adopted you at the point, they welcomed you with smiles and open arms (besides amren but they told you she’s always like that.)

but a couple weeks into the semester, you and nesta were standing in a kitchen of a person you don’t know debating on what shitty cheap alcohol you’ll be indulging in tonight. it was the first big back to school party and it was still hot as hell out so you were dressed in dark denim shorts and nice tank top along with your black converse.

you and nesta instantly clicked when you met. bonding over smutty books and all the tv shows you managed to watch. she’s felt like your first real girl-friend ever, you guys got some comfortable together and every time you guys hung out, it felt like no time had passed. it was refreshing to have someone to talk to. she also happens to be the only one who knows about the feelings you harbor for your other best friend.

as you’re about to pour the tequila into your red solo cup, you hear someone call nesta’s name and she tells you she’ll be right back before scurrying off to whichever of her friends was calling her. leaving you there alone not knowing anyone at the party, nesta told you the rest of the group was going to meet you there but you have yet to see any of them as you turn your head around the room.

as you fill your cup and turn to put the bottle back down on the counter, you feel a hand glide around your waist and are suddenly aware of a man extremely too close your liking. “hey baby” he said as he slurred his words, clearly intoxicated, by the way he looked and smelled. it sent more warnings through your head even after he grabbed you like that. you had to leave, this couldn’t happen. thoughts are rushing through your head. you move your hand to push his arm off you as you turn around to be face to face with a tall blonde with long hair.

“what was that for?” he drags out as he tried to put his hand back on you. you instantly tried to move towards the way nesta went and told him, “please get off!” but he was too fast and held your upper arm in a death grip before he tugged you closer to his chest, his other hand back on your waist like the first time he did it. your eyes close in fear as he leans down to whisper something in your ear, but he’s gone in an instant.

it all happened so fast. all you see is a large, muscular, tattooed arm flying in front of you, hitting the man who was on you just seconds ago. you watched shocked as you finally lock in to the situation before you.

azriel beating the shit out of the man who had just laid his hands on you.

azriel swung his fist again towards him, hitting him square in the jaw, “what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he screamed at him, having another punch already landing with his other fist.

the man doesn’t respond before he swings back at azriel and managed to get a decent swing in, the hit landed to his lip but azriel doesn’t move at all. he’s standing still in the spot, continuing to tower over him.

azriel shoved the man back into the counter and landed a powerful hook right to his nose simultaneously. he cried out as it made contact, “fuck dude c’mon,” he reached up to grab it, blood pouring from his broken nose and busted lip. he steps closer as he removes his hand looking at the red liquid that has held onto his skin, ready to defend himself against the beautiful man that your eyes cannot stray from.

but azriel is faster and before he could even blink, managed to grab a hold of his shirt and pull him up to where his toes barely touched the floor. his hands fall at his sides and his eyes widen in fear as azriel gets closer to his face, leaning down to whisper something in his ear that you can’t hear over the loud music, people partying and the screaming and crying in your heart as you watched this all unfold.

suddenly azriel is tossing the man back into the counter and he barely managed to grab it and hold on, azriel suddenly grows larger, as if he could get any bigger, and leans to spit out the blood that had collected in his mouth behind him. and suddenly your attention is focused on the warmth now englufing your wrist. your eyes immediately register the sight of him standing in front of you, this was warm and right, his hands on you. it just felt so right.

his other hand reached out and gently lifts your chin to meet his gaze. the way the sense of safety coursed through you with his simple touch just confirmed, yet again, that this was going to be so hard for you to tell him.

“hey baby…” he spoke softly, his eyes darted between both yours. his attention solely on you. he let his finger rub against your cheek as he finished, “are you okay?” you can’t help the feeling the shoots through you at the use of the pet name and the look of shock that painted your face. not knowing if it came from, whether it was from what unfolded in front of you at this party or the fact he still holding your face and talking to you like this, so sweetly.

you blinked a couple times and the realization hit you that you’ve just been standing there, staring into his beautiful eyes. not paying attention to the group of people that crowded around as the fight was happening or the looks you guys are getting from other party goers that still surrounded you. the only thing you can stand to focus on his gaze.

azriel.

“i don’t know,” you almost whisper towards him, feeling his warmth covering you both. before you can talk again, he moves his scarred hand from your wrist, you feel almost… empty at the loss of contact but that doesn’t last long as he slipped his hand into yours and intertwined his fingers with yours as he guided you towards the front door.

you passed by so many people, you tried not to pay attention to all the looks you were getting. girls stared as they realized it wasn’t themselves in azriel’s grasp, but you. it was your hand he was holding. your heart beat at just the thought of it, your nerves were already shot as the events unfolded not even 10 minutes ago and this did not help one bit.

your eyes manage to catch nesta’s in the crowd, her eyes widen as she takes in the sight before her, azriel holding your hand and leading you out of the party. oblivious to what actually happened to cause this, she gave you a huge smile and two thumbs up. you cant help but silently chuckle at your friend despite the other overwhelming feelings you have. you’ll explain the situation later when you text her but you were sure eventually she’d hear what happened.

he leads you out the front door and looks back at you with a small smile as you trail behind him. he walked you over, without a word and hands still intertwined and you finally notice your next to his old beat up mustang on the side of the street, the one that smells like him and the faint smell of weed that always lingers regardless of the last time he smoked in there.

he opened the car door for you and you released your hand from his and got into the passengers seat. once you were in, he reached over and buckled your seatbelt for you, giving it a tug to make sure it was connected before smiling down at you from outside the car. he shut the door satisfied and walked around the back of the car to open his own door and sat inside.

the silence is comfortable. it always has been, you pray that sometimes it’s awkward or uncomfortable but it never is. you sit in your seat, eyes staring down towards the hand he had been holding, almost in disbelief, that he defended you like that. you’ve never seen azriel angry like that either. he turns to face you, wanting you to meet his eyes.

azriel walked in the front door of the party, after having a pretty day. the customers at the restaurant he works truly sucked today. small tips and even shittier people. all he wanted to do was smoke off some steam and get drunk with cassian and rhys. he knew you were going to be here. cassian mentioned it in passing while talking about nesta so he was also on the look out for you. the girl who managed to catch his heart after having been partnered together. azriel couldn’t help the way he felt about you even though it almost felt wrong to him.

he didn’t want to take advantage of you, he knew you were shy and never really been in a relationship. he found that out when he walked into the kitchen of cassian and nesta’s apartment, and overheard nesta telling cass all about you after her and you hung out for the first time outside the group. so he just tried to ignore his feelings but regardless of that fact you were his bestfriend. he just couldn’t escape you.

and when he walked into that kitchen to see tamlin standing over you, your arm tight in his grip, the way your eyes were slammed shut trying to back away from him. he didn’t even think. he was there pulling him off you before he could even recognize what he was doing. throwing punches left and right towards the man who dared touched you. he barely even registered the hit he managed on no one but him can put his hands on you. he’s had that thought before but never brought life to it, but here? now?

all thoughts of guilt for feeling that way vanished. there was no way he was letting anyone touch you. but him. that’s all he wanted. he wanted you in a way he didn’t think was reciprocated. love was a funny thing to him, something he was never accustomed to until after he met rhysand and cassian.

his family never showed it, he lives with the constant knowledge of that every time he looks down at his hands. he thought about the way you never judged him of them, like it was nothing at all to you but that was everything to him.

the one sided crush he harbored on mor for a couple years was nothing in comparison to the way he felt about you. his few flings he had over the past couple years (after he realized it was pointless liking mor, also… because she slept with cassian) were mildly of convince and of urge but once he met you, he knew he was a goner.

he stopped the girls. the stopped the meaningless flirting and hooks up and took to just pleasuring himself to the thought as you, as shitty as it made him felt after. sometimes he just couldn’t look you in the eye the next time he saw you but you never said anything. you never commented on it and he silently thanked you in his head.

but right now, after he pulled you out of the party, scarred hand in yours, he needed you to look him in the eyes. but you still hadn’t and he couldn’t just keep staring at the face of the beautiful woman in front of him while it was coated with anxiety and exhaustion.

azriel lifted his distorted hand to your face meeting the soft warm skin that was your own. he gently brought your face to meet his gaze and as you locked eyes, the spark hit you yet again.

gods he was breathtaking. dark hair that covered to above his ears, the eyes that seemed to stare into yours every single time they met, the tattoos that covered him and his golden brown skin that you swore shined outright during different points in the day. your heart cannot handle this man.

“please,” he practically whispered you barely even registered that he said it before he continued, “are you okay, what can i do?” the sound in his voice felt desperate as his eyes bore into yours, the feel of his hand on her face, you couldn’t help but lean into his grasp and close your eyes, taking in the feel of him. you responded a moment later after letting out a sigh and looking at him again.

“can we just go home? i just want to sleep” you asked him with a pleading tone as you feel his thumb rub against your cheek for the second time that night. ugh the things this man does to you. all you wanted was for him to hold you, to feel the press of his body against yours. anything to get the feeling of someone else off you. “yeah baby, we can.” he said gently before he moved his hand down to yours and gave you a light squeeze before he turned the car on and shifted into gear, pulling off in the direction of home.

once you arrived back to the apartment building, he parked in the lot next to the front door and moved around the car to open your door, he gave you his hand as you stepped out. he went to put his hand at your lower back as he opened the door for you but decided against just in case that was a lot for you right now. he did not want to make it worse. he could see the fear in your eyes back there, no way would he subject you to that if you weren’t comfortable with it. so instead he just followed behind you, hitting the button to the elevator to take you up to your floor.

the elevator luckily isn’t taking forever today so when it opens, you and azriel step in and he goes to hit the floor for your apartment but your hand reaches out and stops him. “can we go to yours please?” your head moves up to meet his gaze but his eyes are focused on where your hand is on his wrist. a second later his eyes meet yours and he gives you a small nod and hits the button for the fifth floor. you remove your hand and lean against the wall right next to him, his hand reaches out and entangles his bumpy fingers with yours.

“is this okay?” he asks you. you can barely hold it in after that, the tears finally fall. he feels the sudden change in your body as he moves closer to you but removing his hand from yours in fear that you didn’t want to touch him. but in reality that’s all you want. you want him to touch you. you want him to love you. you want everything with him. its all just so overwhelming, everything that has happened.

he goes to speak but before he can get a word out, your body is on his engulfing him in a hug around his long torso, he instantly wraps his arms around your smaller frame. he can feel your body shake with tears and all he wants to do is make sure that no one ever makes you feel like this again. you deserve so much better, he only wishes he could be better for you too. you squeeze him tighter and he just holds you until the elevator door opens and you pull away from him. mascara and tears running down your face, you can see it on his shirt. he smiles at you before he pulls his hands to your face and wipes your cheeks off with his rough yet soft hands.

you cant help the laugh that escapes you as he wipes his hands on the t-shirt staining it even more with the leftover residue on your face. he gives you a chuckle before connected your hands yet again, walking with you out of the elevator to his one bedroom apartment. he fishes in his pocket with his other hand and pulls out his keys. he unlocked the door and held it open for you to walk in.

your senses are taken over by the smell of him. the smell of his candle lingered from the coffee table covered with textbooks in the large living room, he has a basket of blankets he keeps in the corner because he knows you get cold watching tv. he has a big L shaped couch which had a 60 inch tv across the room, with a boatload of dvds underneath. something you both agreed was a dying art. you and azriel swear physical media will make a comeback one day but you guys will never forget how they ruined it!

his space was a lot bigger since you have a two bedroom apartment. but it was perfect for him. azriel had loved the way he made his space his own, his bass guitars set up in the corner next to his collection of vinyl records and a record player that rhys and cassian got him when he turned 21… as well as a shit ton of booze. he had a bookshelf that held his favorites, as well as your own.

he bought a copy of almost every book you talked about so that he was in the loop with what you were reading. even the ones you didn’t talk about that he caught on your nightstand or in your reading nook. when he bought one of those and read it, his jaw dropped. he immediately thought of nesta and her smutty books but this sent something else though his body. he couldn’t help but keep reading… he wondered if you thought about him while reading these scenes of them ravishing each other, in every way imaginable. he sure did! his right hand hates him!

and you definitely did to… thought about him in ways that you shouldn’t. thinking about him doing all those things to you. the way you knew he would take care of you. the way you knew you could take care of him, despite how inexperienced you are. the thoughts drove you crazy. it was practically all day and every day at this point. thinking about the way his hands would feel running up your thighs or the way his lips would feel on yours.

now here you are, standing in his living room, just wanting all that and little did you know… he did too.

“hey az…” you uttered towards him. he was already next to you as you spoke, “can we lay down please?” your voice was barely a whisper.

he didn’t even need to speak, he just brought you to his room. he lead you to sit on the corner of the bed as he turned and riffled through his dresser, pulling out a large dark green shirt and handing it to you with a smile, “change into this, i’ll be right back.”

“can i take a shower?” you asked azriel shyly. “yes of course, one sec.” you watched as he walked out the room and shut the door behind him. you took your shoes off and placed them by the bedroom door next to azriel’s shoes. he came back in a second later with a fresh towel and a water bottle.

“here you go, you already know where the shower is,” he says with a small chuckle. you give him a grateful smile and a thank you as you took the items from his hands and gave him one last look before heading into his connecting bathroom.

you turned on the hot water and you stripped out of your clothes and threw them into the laundry hamper in the corner of the bathroom. you got in the shower and felt instantly better. the way the water followed hot you could feel the touch of the man from the party washing away, only to be replaced with thoughts of azriel touching you instead. you reviled in it.

you washed your hair and body with his shampoo, conditioner and body wash. silently thanking him for not using 3-in-1 (nesta found out that’s what cassian used and flipped shit) you finished your shower and dried off with the towel he gave you.

you put on his t-shirt that made its way down to your mid thigh when it was on completely. you loved when you were covered in him. you walked back out into the room and didn’t see azriel so you took your seat at the edge of the bed and waiting for him to come back. you sat there and picked at your nails, feeling so wore out you didn’t even want to cry anymore.

azriel came in two minutes later, dressed him long flannel pajama pants and you can see the band of his underwear peeking out as he gets closer to you. he changed after you went into the bathroom, and then went to the kitchen to make sure he was stocked up on the tea you liked and the snacks you guys enjoy together, just in case you got hungry.

he ran around his living room and cleaned random odds and ends. putting dishes in the sink, folding the blankets thrown on the couch and organizing his cd collection. anything to busy himself instead of thinking of you in his shower. anything to get his mind off the amazing woman just in the other room. he hears the shower turn off and waited a few more moments before heading back into the room.

he moved the covers down to make room for you as he said, “after you princess,” with a smile on his face. you returned it and stood up to make your way to the bed but not before turning to hug him again. his arms wrapped around you as you mumbled “thank you azriel,” into his chest. you hold on for a few moments before releasing him. he looks at you before motioning to the bed, “i would do anything for you, you know that.” you felt your cheeks grow red at the thought, at the knowledge that he would.

you climb into the bed and laid your head on the pillow, turning to look at azriel, you wondered why he was still standing. “az are you coming?” you said bashfully. he blinked and bent down to the bed to be eye level with you. “i’m gonna sleep on the couch tonight.” you could feel the way your face dropped in disappointment as you registered what he said. he saw it too and felt it deep in his chest.

he stood up and was about to say goodnight but you beat him to it, “azriel please i need you.”

you could feel how desperate you sounded but you didn’t care. you just needed him. next to you right now. he said nothing else as he moved the blankets again, but this time he was under them. he didn’t hesitate to pull you into his chest, your hand found it’s way over his fast beating heart and his tattooed arm wrapping around you. the warmth and scent of him took over everything in your body. you finally felt safe. your legs tangled together as you eventually fell asleep to the rise and fall of his chest.

“i need you too.” he said to a room with no one awake but him to hear.

part 2??? i would love to write one! let me know what you think! i’d love to keep writing for acotor so yay! pls enjoy :) i’m on the edge of my seat writing this hehe

[fullfriendnerdclutch]

Bunch of Quickies

Caption #2: First Job out of Uni

My brain fired off some initial ideas upon seeing these pics, but I just cannot extend it, so here's a bunch of short captions that now have the chance to be unearthed from the depth of my draft

Caption #1: Morning

"Hey there sleepyhead, how's your sleep?" said the attractive guy sitting on top of the marble countertop sipping his morning coffee to the drowsy Gus

"Another form already, huh? What are you up to this morning looking like that?"

"Nothing, to be honest. Just want to look good and fresh, plus, it's nice to be fucking confident because you know you're one hot piece of shit,"

"Well, that's a spot on assessment about that dude. He jogged with the dog again this morning?"

"Different dog, but still shirtless as usual. Added this tattoo to his forearm, just copied it and heck it looks nice, guy really knows his body,"

"Ah, okay, so he's fucking different girl already now,"

"Yeah, but he can fuck a guy if he wants to,"

"Lee, calm the fuck down. This is still fucking early,"

"Well, for you, but for Wade here, it's quite late already. He already finished his running, eating his breakfast and about to hop into his shower. But the girlfriend is one kinky fucker, wanted to taste Wade's musty sweaty cock. Again, Wade prefers boys this time,"

"Oh come on, go clean yourself, will ya, let me have my morning,"

Wade/Lee just smirked and slapped his boyfriend's ass as he walked away to leave Gus to have his morning routine. After reading some news online and drinking his coffee, Gus walked back to his room to head to the bathroom as he's about to take a dump and clean himself. Then, walked another guy out from the bathroom, his expression tense and definitely hungry

"Who the fuck are you and what are you doing in my house?"

Gus just sighed, Lee really love his roleplay.....

"Everyone will go nuts if I walk in like this," said Barry to the reflection of this random old DILF in the mirror, imagining the loud, borderline animalistic grunt and holler from the packed crowd of the Sticky Situation. Yeah, that's the name of the gay nightclub where Barry frequently danced and partied with his friends. But this will be a new experience for the 22 years old freshgraduate, his first job experience after uni turned out to be something beyond his wildest imaginations, all thanks to his hips that caught the attention of the nightclub manager, who found himself in sticky situation with his boyfriend of 3 years, Daniel. Reluctant to let Daniel go, and swayed by Barry's energetic presence on the dance floor, he concocted a plan to get the naive and horny freshgrad a chance for an upgrade of a lifetime, and of course Barry took that offer. Now, finger cross Barry will decide to stay permanently inside Daniel, that will make things much more easier so he doesn't need to find the occupant of his boyfriend-turned-bodysuit every few months or so.

Caption #3: Recluse Neighbor

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Ck, just how I thought. Well, it doesn't matter, in a matter of seconds, I'm about to be you, Mr. Bay,"

And just like that, the mostly reserved and barely sociable ginger lunged to get himself inside the body of his own neighbor that barely recognized him. Mr. Bay might not be rich or anything seeing that he basically lived in the same building as him, but everything beats living with his deadbeat alcoholic father and that devious cunt he's forced to call mom

Caption #4: Setting Things Right

I suggested them about the takeover ever since Mario shown me how to swap bodies with him by chugging those pills he stashed in his bedside counter. Maybe he trusted me or maybe he was just naive, but I still have no idea why Mario would willingly share such out-of-this-world possibility to me, a mere random hookup of his, as if everyone are bunch of saints that wouldn't take an opportunity to create a new life for themselves? During our third swap, I fucked him so hard using his own body, he started weeping as my hole never really found itself in such distressing lustful pounding. In his weakened state, face & body bruised and stamina drained from the whole mess, I decided to violate our terms & conditions, flipping him over to then proceed to facefuck him like there's no tomorrow. You should have seen his panicked stare and the way he tried to push me off as he realized what I was about to do, but as soon as the copious spunk hit his throat, the resistance ended and his eyes turned hazy as the cum sealed his fate to remain in my body while I took his body as my permanent residence, the swap somehow irreversible if someone came in the other's mouth or practically anywhere else except asshole, possibly indicating that the pills should not be tainted with cum when swallowed within specific time window.

The almost same case went on with Isaiah and Darnell, two of Mario's closest friend and frequent fuckbuddies, that found themselves now locked for good inside Leon, my Salvadoran best friend and Rei, my Japanese-American roommate. Both Isaiah and Darnell also have the same kink of getting fucked by smaller dudes, and when I explained to both big bottoms that the swapping pills would have extra effect if swallowed with cum for heightened senses (I advertised it as popper in pills form), they took Leon's and Rei's cum like some good submissive slut, inadvertently sealing their own fate to be trapped in the body that now preferably more fitting to their sexual desires. Talk about setting things right, because all 3 of us wanted to be older and stronger ever since we connected in college a couple years ago and these 3 daddies just wanted to waste their big bodies to bottom

Caption #5: Unexpected Swap

Frankie was sobbing in his bedroom after getting locked by his evil stepfather Darius after he found Frankie jerking off in front of his laptop to a shirtless guy in the other side of the call. To make things worse, Darius found his socks right next to Frankie's body, his eyes filled with hatred and disgust as he punished the 19 years old boy he viewed as mere burden and now, shame, to his name.

"You fucking faggot, I know you're just some up to no good failure, have some shame will ya? Worthless piece of faggot shit! Sniffing my socks too, getting off on my odor? God, you are disgusting!" Darius said, one of his rant in between the beatings

Frankie cried himself to sleep, both for the physical pain inflicted by his father that beat the shit out of him and also the mental anguish of thinking what would happen next after Darius arrived back. Of course he would never expect to found himself suddenly standing up in the middle of the gym, exasperated from the intense workout he just went through

Workout? Wha--- his thoughts came to a halt as everything started to get its footings. He's in the middle of the gym, feeling pumped, and the shirt.....this is unmistakably one of the shirts he usually found in the laundry room.....Darius shirt

As he looked down and then flexed his biceps to get a good look over his physique, he also started to feel the snaking blood rush to the monster he called his own now, the humungous cock attached to Darius's body. Oh he's about to have fun getting off directly from the source

[wands-natsthing]

Not Enough Pt2

This story was on my old acct @wandanatsthings I made a new one (aka this one) which will be the acct I use from now on.

Hey guys I'm so sorry this took so long to get out I hope you all haven’t lost interest lol. I wanted to take my time with this one because I just felt like my writing could be a lot better and I really feel like with this little one-shot or imagine or whatever you call it it has improved and I’d rather you guys wait a while for a more well written piece than to most more frequent and it be shit but anyways I hope you enjoy this I kinda just went all over the place with it so please let me know what you think. 

"Not Enough pt 1

Disclaimer: I used  “A few weeks” a lot to measure time in this but to give a little bit of an idea  it’s been a few months since Piet died (so like 5 months) and like 3 months maybe since reader and Wanda broke up. Also the age gap between Nat and Wanda is like 5 years. I cannot remember if I mentioned that or not. Okie I think that's it. 

P.S: I love it when you guys comment so if ya wanna I’d love to read them and If you have any questions about this fic like my thought process while writing please ask them!!

Warnings: Mentions past character death, grief, cheating, mentions of sex but not descriptive, angst, mental illness, break downs, lying. I think that’s please let me know if you see anymore. 

Relationships: WandaxNatasha, Wanda/ reader, platonic Bruce x Natasha, Platonic Bruce x Wanda

Summary: Not Enough Pt 2 

Word count: 4.1k (My longest fic as of rn) 

Y/N Pov

It had been a few weeks since you and Wanda broke up. You had moved all of your stuff out of your shared room into a guess not being able to stand being in there after everything that had happened.

You weren't doing well. You couldn't sleep, you couldn't eat, all you could think about was Wanda.

All you wanted was her. It was still hard for you to grasp. You couldn't believe she had cheated. It still just didn’t seem like something she would do. Your sweet Wanda. The one who always made sure you knew how much she loved you no matter what.

The Wanda that never let you both go to bed angry, The one that would always tell you she loved you before going to sleep, Or on the rare occasions when you left the house without one another. So to say you were distraught that she did something like this was an understatement.

Either way, you didn’t want to see her. You had been avoiding her at all costs. You were doing a good job until you saw her in the common area of the compound hanging out with Natasha.

You had mixed feelings about the woman.

Yes, she was the woman that your girlfriend had cheated on you with, but you felt there was something off.

Natasha was a bit older than Wanda, not by much, only 5 years but still, you couldn’t help but think maybe the older woman had taken advantage of Wanda’s vulnerable state.

You didn't put much thought into it though.

you decided that you were no longer interested in hanging out in the common room after spotting the couple. In a hurry, you turned and went back to your room, completely oblivious to the fact that the younger redhead had noticed you. You missed the longing and regretful look that she had in her eyes.

Wanda’s Pov

I watched you as you went back to what I assumed to be your room. Even though I was the one to break up with you. I missed you, being with Natasha was no longer making me as happy as I thought. Especially after I found out she had lied to me about what happened during the mission when Pietro died.

It was a few weeks before You and I had broken up when she approached me in the kitchen after not leaving what was our shared bedroom for days.

FLASHBACK (of Natasha telling what “Happened”)

We had just finished watching my favorite sitcom, which Pietro and I used to watch all the time. You were doing everything you could to make me feel better, and even though I might not have been showing it, you were helping. I had finally felt well enough to sit in the kitchen for a while and have a snack, which was something I had been struggling to do. So Progress was being made.

As I was eating my snack of apples and peanut butter, Natasha approached me. We didn't talk often, but we weren't strangers to each other. I was quite fond of the fellow avenger. "Hey, how are you doing?" she asked as she took a seat next to me. "I'm doing better," I replied, smiling slightly, looking up at her.

"That's good. And how are you and y/n doing?" I found it odd that she was asking about our relationship, but I answered her anyway. "Um, I mean we're okay. We could be doing better, but considering the circumstances, I'd say we're doing pretty well," I said wearily. She looked at me and nodded.

"That's good. Knowing she killed your brother and all." she claimed with what I now know to be a look of “evil” on her face. What she said shocked me.

“Wait what? What are you talking about y/n didn’t kill him? It was an accident, she told me what happened.” I replied getting defensive not liking what she was trying to accuse you of.

“Yeah, but I saw it. Whatever she told you is a lie.”

“Well, what did you see?” I asked, curious to know what she had seen.

She then goes on to tell me how she saw you and Pietro that day in the field fighting bots. For the most part, she told me the same thing you did. Until she added the part where you started fighting each other. “And then they just started fighting each other, I don’t know why. Maybe Y/n got hit in the head or something and started to think that Piet was one of the bots. He tried to knock some sense into her but it just didn’t work and eventually, she pulled out her gun and shot him. I guessed he just wasn’t quick enough to dodge it.” She revealed.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“Oh my goodness, Why wouldn't she tell me that? Why would she lie?” I cried looking for some sort of answers.

“I mean I don't know, think about it. Would you want to tell your girlfriend you killed her brother?”

What she said made sense to me, I could understand why you wouldn’t tell me but that wasn’t the relationship we had created. We were always very honest with each other from the beginning no matter what the circumstances were.

Heartbroken with the new knowledge I had just learned I still had one question.

“What were you doing? Why didn’t you stop them or help? Or something?” I desperately questioned.

Natasha shuffled in her seat a little before she answered me.

“I tried but I was busy fighting and helping get civilians to safety myself.”

I nodded at that understanding her reasoning.

END FLASHBACK

After our talk that day we continued getting to know each other more and more and I was drawing myself farther and farther away from you. I did feel bad about it but not bad enough to stop. I wanted you to feel the same pain that I felt when I thought you lied about what happened.

It wasn't until a few days after we broke up that Natasha's true colors started to show.

At the beginning of our relationship, Natasha tried to make me happy in her own way, much like you did. However, while you focused on letting me know that it was okay to feel my emotions and cry, Natasha often brushed me off and tried to distract me with sex. When I declined, saying that I wasn't in the mood, she would get irritable and act off for the rest of the day.

That’s what happened the day I found out that you were telling the truth about what happened during the mission.

FLASHBACK

I was having a bad day, which was as expected every once in a while. I knew some would be harder than others, but I had been improving and not struggling with basic tasks every day, today was an exception though.

All I wanted to do was stay in bed and watch the old sitcoms Piet and I used to but Natasha wasn’t having that.

All she wanted to do was have a beep. She kept begging me all day and getting pissy every time I would say no.

I was getting tired of it so I thought as a distraction now would be a good time to finally get my mission report done for that mission.

I had been given some grace given everything that happened but I wasn’t excluded completely.

I made my way down the hall to the conference room where everyone does their mission reports or papers of the same sort.

When I got there I saw a few pens and other unfinished reports scattered on the rectangular wooden table. I was going to let them be until I saw Natasha's report sitting there among the others. Curious about what she had written, I decided to read it.

Reading other people's reports wasn't forbidden but it was considered as an invasion of privacy, so I knew I shouldn't do it but I just couldn't help myself for some reason.

While I was reading the report, I realized that some information was missing.

None of the things she had told me that day were mentioned in the report. I was sure that it wasn't because she had not finished it yet. She never left the room until it was completed, and I knew that she would never lie in a report. That only meant one thing.

she had lied to me.

I was confused as to why she would lie to me, knowing that it would break us up. I knew the only way to know the truth was to ask her. So, I left the room with her report in my hands, forgetting about my report that needed to be completed.

I headed towards the training room, knowing that's where she would be. Before I approached her, I hid her report behind my back, not wanting her to know that I had read it just yet.

When I walked in, she was bench pressing. "Hey, can we talk?" I asked with urgency. "Can it wait? I'm in the middle of a set," she said, breathing hard. "No, it needs to be now, it's important," I replied, losing my patience.

She re-racked the bar, sat up, and wiped the sweat from her face. "What's up?" I took a deep breath and tried to remain calm, not wanting to cause a scene. "Can you tell me what happened that day on the mission when Piet died again?" She looked at me and rolled her eyes. "I've already told you what happened, why do you want to keep hearing it?" She asked, sounding annoyed. "Because I just want to know the truth," I replied. "Well, I already told you the truth," she answered. I nodded, "That's funny, so what would this be then?" I asked as I pulled the mission report out from behind my back.

The look on her face was priceless," I thought to myself. "Where did you find that?" she asked with a look of guilt on her face. "It doesn't matter where I found it, what matters is why you lied to me!" I cried, hitting her chest with my hands.

She gently grabbed my hands to stop my attack and took a deep breath before explaining something I never thought would be her reasoning. "I lied because I wanted to break the two of you up. You both seemed so happy, even with everything, and I wanted to experience that for myself. I wanted to feel special. And I knew that if I lied, you would believe me because people who are grieving are more likely to believe a lie than people who are not."

I was shocked by what I heard and even more so to see her crying, something I had never seen her do in the year I had been living here. Even though what she did was severely messed up, I could understand why she would do it. We had similar life experiences, and in our lifestyle, what you and I had was rare.

While I could understand, I was still very upset that she would even do something like that and that I would even believe you would lie to me. All that was on my mind at this moment was you. I had to get to you and explain everything, even if you didn’t believe me and never wanted to speak with me again. It was important to me that you knew the truth.

“I have to go,” I sobbed, taking my hands out of her embrace. “I need to explain everything to y/n.” However, that thought was short-lived.

“No, NO! Please don’t leave me,” she begged as she walked me back into a wall. “I need you. I'll do better at anything. Everything, just please don’t leave me.”

I could feel her emotions through me, and they almost became too much. It felt so weird to see her like this. One of the most powerful Avengers, who I looked up to, was begging me on her knees to stay with her. It showed how you could have everything in the world, but if you didn’t have anyone to love or be loved by, you were absolutely nothing.

Feeling for her I decide to comfort her now and talk about everything else later. “Okay, okay I'll stay, I won’t leave I promise.”

END FLASHBACK

"I had been dealing with this for a couple of weeks.

Whenever I confronted her, she would break down and plead with me not to leave her. But after seeing the sorrowful look in your eyes as you walked past the common room, I couldn't bear the thought of you not knowing what happened any longer. So, I decided to talk to you. I got up, leaving Natasha sitting on the couch, and told her that I was going to the bathroom.

As I made my way to your room, I could feel my heart beating loudly in my chest, and my hands were sweaty. When I arrived, I took a deep breath and knocked on your door."

Y/n Pov

I had just returned to my room when I heard a knock at my door. Even though I didn't feel like being bothered, I had to get up and answer it. To my surprise, Wanda was standing there, looking anxious. I was unsure of what she wanted, and even though I didn't particularly want to see her, it was nice to have her there. However, I didn't want to reveal that to her.

“Um, hi. What do you want?" I asked, curious about why she had come to my room. She looked down at her hands and fiddled with her fingers, a nervous habit of hers that I had always found endearing. Smiling at the memory, I waited for her response. "Hi, I was wondering if we could talk?" she finally replied, her voice shaking a little. "Why now? You haven't wanted to talk all this time, what's changed?" I asked, confused by her sudden request. "I know, but I need to speak with you. If after you hear me out, you don't want to speak to me again, I completely understand. I'll leave you alone. But please, I need you to hear me out," she pleaded, taking hold of my hands.

I decided to hear her out and stepped aside to let her in. As she passed by me, I caught a whiff of her flowery perfume and took a deep breath, remembering how her scent used to linger on my pillowcases. I gestured towards the chair in the corner for her to sit while I took the end of my bed. We sat in silence for a while until she finally spoke.

Wanda’s Pov

I was lucky enough to have you let me in. Now, it was time for me to tell you everything. I was so nervous. Despite having rehearsed everything that I wanted to say, I found myself at a loss for words now that I finally had the chance to.

Eventually, I decided to recount everything that had happened from the very beginning. I started with how Natasha approached me in the kitchen, and then to describe how she treated me and how I found out that she had lied, along with the reason behind it. I was afraid to hear what you would say.

"That’s everything that happened. I know that nothing can excuse what I did to you, but I need you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said to you that day when I told you that you weren't enough. It wasn't true, and I regret believing her instead of you. I know there's probably nothing I can say to fix this, but I just need you to know that." I said with tears in my eyes.

You looked at me with an expression that I couldn’t read. What you did next surprised me though.

Y/n Pov

After hearing everything you had to say. I felt as if everything made sense. I was saddened to know that my assumption from earlier about the older woman had been mostly correct but glad to know that the woman whom I fell in love with was exactly who I thought she was. My sweet Wanda.

I got up and walked over to the chair she was sitting in and took her face in my hands. Whipping away some of the tears that had fallen from her green orbits. I looked into her eyes and said, “I forgive you.” By the look on her face, I could tell she wasn’t expecting that she quickly jumped up and wrapped her arms around my neck.

I creased her back as I felt her body shake with sobs. I continued to whisper sweet nothings in her ear to calm her down. After a few moments, she was calm enough to have a conversation and I had some questions to ask her.

“I have some questions to ask you but first I want you to know that I’m glad you told me everything and that I don’t want you to blame yourself for what happened. Anyone would’ve been vulnerable and confused in your situation. You did the best that you could and I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come since a few months ago and I want you to know what she did to you is not okay.” I didn’t expect a vocal reply out of her, however, I did feel her nuzzle her nose into my neck.

I continued with my little speech. “Now time for the questions,” I said while taking her chin in my hands to get her to look at me. “Did she ever force you to do anything you didn’t want to? You can just nod your head yes or no.” I asked, raising my eyebrow so she would know what I was implying. I see her shake her head at me. “Okay good, that’s good. Do you know what you want to do yet?”

She moved out of my embrace a little to sit up so she could answer. “Yes, I don’t want to be with her anymore but every time I try to have a conversation with her she breaks down like she did in the gym.” She cried. I thought for a few seconds before I answered her. “I have an idea but it’s going to be a lot, are you up for it?” She looked up at me and nodded.

Over the next few days, we talked over and over about what would be the best way to go about it. When we finally got it it was time to execute it.

Wanda’s Pov

Your plan had been brilliant, It was the best thing for everyone involved although not to get hurt but that still didn’t make this any easier. Even after everything that Natasha had done I still cared for the woman but this was the best thing for her. All I had to do was get her to Bruce and he would pretty much do the rest since you had caught him up on everything that had happened. Natasha was sitting in the kitchen drinking a protein shake when I approached her. “Hey, Tasha, I was wondering if you would come down to the lab with me. I need to grab something from Tony. He said it was something about “New and improved armor.” I asked, leaning against the counter trying to not show my nerves. “Yeah sure I'll come with you.” She answered, grabbing her protein drink off the counter to take with her.

When we got to the lab she opened the door for me. I walked in and my eyes met with Bruce. I searched his emotionless eyes with my nervous ones hoping that he could give me some kind of reassurance that this was the right thing to do.

As we walked in farther Bruce walked up to us with a blank look on his face. Natasha was the first one to speak. “Hey, Bruce. Tony said he had some new armor for Wanda?” I grabbed her hand to get her to look at me thinking I should be the one to break the news. “Um, actually Nat we’re not here for that, Bruce wanted to speak with you,” I explained gently, trying to keep her as calm as possible. “Speak to me? Speak to me about what?”

She was a little cautious about what was going on. I looked to Bruce for help, thinking he would know how to answer her better than I would. “I just want to talk, you know, checking in with how you're doing.” He answered her. “Well, I’m doing fine. I need to know what this is about and I need to know now.”

Not wanting to upset her more than I already have, I decided to just tell her. “Listen,” I said, taking her hands in mine. “I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with accepting help. Even the strongest people fall sometimes.” She looked at me with worry in her voice and asked. “I- I what are you talking about?” “I spoke with him about what you told me in the gym and about everything,” I replied, almost holding my breath. I worried about what the outcome of this would be. “And he thinks that he has some things that can help you.” She looked at me with wide eyes before stating. “What I’m not crazy…I’m not crazy.” I quickly reassured her and said, “No one said you are not like I said it's okay to need help sometimes,” hoping that she would understand.

It seemed like she did as she took a deep breath and surprisingly agreed to hear Bruce out as long as I sat there and listened with her, I agreed to do that seeing as I did just surprise her out of nowhere with this. After we listened to Bruce talk about what would be her treatment plan. She seemed to be more comfortable with the idea.

When we were walking out of the lab she stopped. I turned around to see what was the hold up when she said something that I wasn’t expecting. “I’m sorry for what I did, Really sorry.” She said looking down at her feet. “And I want you to be happy, You deserve to be happy and I know that you aren’t that with me but you were with y/n and if you need me to explain everything to her I will but you deserve to be happy and be with someone who is just as amazing as you are.” She continued this time looking me in the eyes. I was shocked as to what I was hearing but not wanting to leave her hanging I replied. “Thank you for apologizing and I accept your apology. I do not need you to talk to Y/n but I do appreciate the gesture.” She nodded at me. “So I guess this is it?” You looked at her and gave a sad smile. “Yes it is, but I will be here if you need to talk and I want to be updated on how your treatment is going.” She smiled back at you and replied “I will keep you updated. Bye, Wanda.” “Goodbye,” I said as I walked away from her feeling sad but excited to go and see you.

When I finally found you, you were in your room reading some book that I couldn't see the name of. I ran into the room and jumped on your bed. You giggled and put the book down, then said, “I'm guessing it went well?” I nodded my head, smiling. “It went a lot better than I was expecting. Your plan worked,” I said. You looked at me, smiling, “I told you it would,” you said while scooting over to make room for me. As I was getting comfortable, I felt you staring at me. I looked up at you and asked, “What?” You blushed and replied, “Nothing, you're just really beautiful.” I surprised myself and started leaning up to kiss you. I went slow, not the perfect knowing if you were ready yet, but letting you know that I was. I soon knew that you were when I felt your lips on mine. I smiled softly as I broke away from the kiss. I then snuggled up in your arms, not certain of what we were in the moment, but sure of one thing: you are enough for me.

♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎

Feedback is absolutely loved!!!

[wandanatsthings]

𝐍𝐨𝐭 𝐄𝐧𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐏𝐭 𝟐

Hey guys I'm so sorry this took so long to get out I hope you all haven’t lost interest lol. I wanted to take my time with this one because I just felt like my writing could be a lot better and I really feel like with this little one-shot or imagine or whatever you call it it has improved and I’d rather you guys wait a while for a more well written piece than to most more frequent and it be shit but anyways I hope you enjoy this I kinda just went all over the place with it so please let me know what you think. 

"Not Enough pt 1

Disclaimer: I used  “A few weeks” a lot to measure time in this but to give a little bit of an idea  it’s been a few months since Piet died (so like 5 months) and like 3 months maybe since reader and Wanda broke up. Also the age gap between Nat and Wanda is like 5 years. I cannot remember if I mentioned that or not. Okie I think that's it. 

P.S: I love it when you guys comment so if ya wanna I’d love to read them and If you have any questions about this fic like my thought process while writing please ask them!!

Warnings: Mentions past character death, grief, cheating, mentions of sex but not descriptive, angst, mental illness, break downs, lying. I think that’s please let me know if you see anymore. 

Relationships: WandaxNatasha, Wanda/ reader, platonic Bruce x Natasha, Platonic Bruce x Wanda

Summary: Not Enough Pt 2 

Word count: 4.1k (My longest fic as of rn) 

♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎

Y/N Pov

It had been a few weeks since you and Wanda broke up. You had moved all of your stuff out of your shared room into a guess not being able to stand being in there after everything that had happened.

You weren't doing well. You couldn't sleep, you couldn't eat, all you could think about was Wanda.

All you wanted was her. It was still hard for you to grasp. You couldn't believe she had cheated. It still just didn’t seem like something she would do. Your sweet Wanda. The one who always made sure you knew how much she loved you no matter what.

The Wanda that never let you both go to bed angry, The one that would always tell you she loved you before going to sleep, Or on the rare occasions when you left the house without one another. So to say you were distraught that she did something like this was an understatement.

Either way, you didn’t want to see her. You had been avoiding her at all costs. You were doing a good job until you saw her in the common area of the compound hanging out with Natasha.

You had mixed feelings about the woman.

Yes, she was the woman that your girlfriend had cheated on you with, but you felt there was something off.

Natasha was a bit older than Wanda, not by much, only 5 years but still, you couldn’t help but think maybe the older woman had taken advantage of Wanda’s vulnerable state.

You didn't put much thought into it though.

you decided that you were no longer interested in hanging out in the common room after spotting the couple. In a hurry, you turned and went back to your room, completely oblivious to the fact that the younger redhead had noticed you. You missed the longing and regretful look that she had in her eyes.

Wanda’s Pov

I watched you as you went back to what I assumed to be your room. Even though I was the one to break up with you. I missed you, being with Natasha was no longer making me as happy as I thought. Especially after I found out she had lied to me about what happened during the mission when Pietro died.

It was a few weeks before You and I had broken up when she approached me in the kitchen after not leaving what was our shared bedroom for days.

FLASHBACK (of Natasha telling what “Happened”)

We had just finished watching my favorite sitcom, which Pietro and I used to watch all the time. You were doing everything you could to make me feel better, and even though I might not have been showing it, you were helping. I had finally felt well enough to sit in the kitchen for a while and have a snack, which was something I had been struggling to do. So Progress was being made.

As I was eating my snack of apples and peanut butter, Natasha approached me. We didn't talk often, but we weren't strangers to each other. I was quite fond of the fellow avenger. "Hey, how are you doing?" she asked as she took a seat next to me. "I'm doing better," I replied, smiling slightly, looking up at her.

"That's good. And how are you and y/n doing?" I found it odd that she was asking about our relationship, but I answered her anyway. "Um, I mean we're okay. We could be doing better, but considering the circumstances, I'd say we're doing pretty well," I said wearily. She looked at me and nodded.

"That's good. Knowing she killed your brother and all." she claimed with what I now know to be a look of “evil” on her face. What she said shocked me.

“Wait what? What are you talking about y/n didn’t kill him? It was an accident, she told me what happened.” I replied getting defensive not liking what she was trying to accuse you of.

“Yeah, but I saw it. Whatever she told you is a lie.”

“Well, what did you see?” I asked, curious to know what she had seen.

She then goes on to tell me how she saw you and Pietro that day in the field fighting bots. For the most part, she told me the same thing you did. Until she added the part where you started fighting each other. “And then they just started fighting each other, I don’t know why. Maybe Y/n got hit in the head or something and started to think that Piet was one of the bots. He tried to knock some sense into her but it just didn’t work and eventually, she pulled out her gun and shot him. I guessed he just wasn’t quick enough to dodge it.” She revealed.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“Oh my goodness, Why wouldn't she tell me that? Why would she lie?” I cried looking for some sort of answers.

“I mean I don't know, think about it. Would you want to tell your girlfriend you killed her brother?”

What she said made sense to me, I could understand why you wouldn’t tell me but that wasn’t the relationship we had created. We were always very honest with each other from the beginning no matter what the circumstances were.

Heartbroken with the new knowledge I had just learned I still had one question.

“What were you doing? Why didn’t you stop them or help? Or something?” I desperately questioned.

Natasha shuffled in her seat a little before she answered me.

“I tried but I was busy fighting and helping get civilians to safety myself.”

I nodded at that understanding her reasoning.

END FLASHBACK

After our talk that day we continued getting to know each other more and more and I was drawing myself farther and farther away from you. I did feel bad about it but not bad enough to stop. I wanted you to feel the same pain that I felt when I thought you lied about what happened.

It wasn't until a few days after we broke up that Natasha's true colors started to show.

At the beginning of our relationship, Natasha tried to make me happy in her own way, much like you did. However, while you focused on letting me know that it was okay to feel my emotions and cry, Natasha often brushed me off and tried to distract me with sex. When I declined, saying that I wasn't in the mood, she would get irritable and act off for the rest of the day.

That’s what happened the day I found out that you were telling the truth about what happened during the mission.

FLASHBACK

I was having a bad day, which was as expected every once in a while. I knew some would be harder than others, but I had been improving and not struggling with basic tasks every day, today was an exception though.

All I wanted to do was stay in bed and watch the old sitcoms Piet and I used to but Natasha wasn’t having that.

All she wanted to do was have a beep. She kept begging me all day and getting pissy every time I would say no.

I was getting tired of it so I thought as a distraction now would be a good time to finally get my mission report done for that mission.

I had been given some grace given everything that happened but I wasn’t excluded completely.

I made my way down the hall to the conference room where everyone does their mission reports or papers of the same sort.

When I got there I saw a few pens and other unfinished reports scattered on the rectangular wooden table. I was going to let them be until I saw Natasha's report sitting there among the others. Curious about what she had written, I decided to read it.

Reading other people's reports wasn't forbidden but it was considered as an invasion of privacy, so I knew I shouldn't do it but I just couldn't help myself for some reason.

While I was reading the report, I realized that some information was missing.

None of the things she had told me that day were mentioned in the report. I was sure that it wasn't because she had not finished it yet. She never left the room until it was completed, and I knew that she would never lie in a report. That only meant one thing.

she had lied to me.

I was confused as to why she would lie to me, knowing that it would break us up. I knew the only way to know the truth was to ask her. So, I left the room with her report in my hands, forgetting about my report that needed to be completed.

I headed towards the training room, knowing that's where she would be. Before I approached her, I hid her report behind my back, not wanting her to know that I had read it just yet.

When I walked in, she was bench pressing. "Hey, can we talk?" I asked with urgency. "Can it wait? I'm in the middle of a set," she said, breathing hard. "No, it needs to be now, it's important," I replied, losing my patience.

She re-racked the bar, sat up, and wiped the sweat from her face. "What's up?" I took a deep breath and tried to remain calm, not wanting to cause a scene. "Can you tell me what happened that day on the mission when Piet died again?" She looked at me and rolled her eyes. "I've already told you what happened, why do you want to keep hearing it?" She asked, sounding annoyed. "Because I just want to know the truth," I replied. "Well, I already told you the truth," she answered. I nodded, "That's funny, so what would this be then?" I asked as I pulled the mission report out from behind my back.

The look on her face was priceless," I thought to myself. "Where did you find that?" she asked with a look of guilt on her face. "It doesn't matter where I found it, what matters is why you lied to me!" I cried, hitting her chest with my hands.

She gently grabbed my hands to stop my attack and took a deep breath before explaining something I never thought would be her reasoning. "I lied because I wanted to break the two of you up. You both seemed so happy, even with everything, and I wanted to experience that for myself. I wanted to feel special. And I knew that if I lied, you would believe me because people who are grieving are more likely to believe a lie than people who are not."

I was shocked by what I heard and even more so to see her crying, something I had never seen her do in the year I had been living here. Even though what she did was severely messed up, I could understand why she would do it. We had similar life experiences, and in our lifestyle, what you and I had was rare.

While I could understand, I was still very upset that she would even do something like that and that I would even believe you would lie to me. All that was on my mind at this moment was you. I had to get to you and explain everything, even if you didn’t believe me and never wanted to speak with me again. It was important to me that you knew the truth.

“I have to go,” I sobbed, taking my hands out of her embrace. “I need to explain everything to y/n.” However, that thought was short-lived.

“No, NO! Please don’t leave me,” she begged as she walked me back into a wall. “I need you. I'll do better at anything. Everything, just please don’t leave me.”

I could feel her emotions through me, and they almost became too much. It felt so weird to see her like this. One of the most powerful Avengers, who I looked up to, was begging me on her knees to stay with her. It showed how you could have everything in the world, but if you didn’t have anyone to love or be loved by, you were absolutely nothing.

Feeling for her I decide to comfort her now and talk about everything else later. “Okay, okay I'll stay, I won’t leave I promise.”

END FLASHBACK

"I had been dealing with this for a couple of weeks.

Whenever I confronted her, she would break down and plead with me not to leave her. But after seeing the sorrowful look in your eyes as you walked past the common room, I couldn't bear the thought of you not knowing what happened any longer. So, I decided to talk to you. I got up, leaving Natasha sitting on the couch, and told her that I was going to the bathroom.

As I made my way to your room, I could feel my heart beating loudly in my chest, and my hands were sweaty. When I arrived, I took a deep breath and knocked on your door."

Y/n Pov

I had just returned to my room when I heard a knock at my door. Even though I didn't feel like being bothered, I had to get up and answer it. To my surprise, Wanda was standing there, looking anxious. I was unsure of what she wanted, and even though I didn't particularly want to see her, it was nice to have her there. However, I didn't want to reveal that to her.

“Um, hi. What do you want?" I asked, curious about why she had come to my room. She looked down at her hands and fiddled with her fingers, a nervous habit of hers that I had always found endearing. Smiling at the memory, I waited for her response. "Hi, I was wondering if we could talk?" she finally replied, her voice shaking a little. "Why now? You haven't wanted to talk all this time, what's changed?" I asked, confused by her sudden request. "I know, but I need to speak with you. If after you hear me out, you don't want to speak to me again, I completely understand. I'll leave you alone. But please, I need you to hear me out," she pleaded, taking hold of my hands.

I decided to hear her out and stepped aside to let her in. As she passed by me, I caught a whiff of her flowery perfume and took a deep breath, remembering how her scent used to linger on my pillowcases. I gestured towards the chair in the corner for her to sit while I took the end of my bed. We sat in silence for a while until she finally spoke.

Wanda’s Pov

I was lucky enough to have you let me in. Now, it was time for me to tell you everything. I was so nervous. Despite having rehearsed everything that I wanted to say, I found myself at a loss for words now that I finally had the chance to.

Eventually, I decided to recount everything that had happened from the very beginning. I started with how Natasha approached me in the kitchen, and then to describe how she treated me and how I found out that she had lied, along with the reason behind it. I was afraid to hear what you would say.

"That’s everything that happened. I know that nothing can excuse what I did to you, but I need you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I said to you that day when I told you that you weren't enough. It wasn't true, and I regret believing her instead of you. I know there's probably nothing I can say to fix this, but I just need you to know that." I said with tears in my eyes.

You looked at me with an expression that I couldn’t read. What you did next surprised me though.

Y/n Pov

After hearing everything you had to say. I felt as if everything made sense. I was saddened to know that my assumption from earlier about the older woman had been mostly correct but glad to know that the woman whom I fell in love with was exactly who I thought she was. My sweet Wanda.

I got up and walked over to the chair she was sitting in and took her face in my hands. Whipping away some of the tears that had fallen from her green orbits. I looked into her eyes and said, “I forgive you.” By the look on her face, I could tell she wasn’t expecting that she quickly jumped up and wrapped her arms around my neck.

I creased her back as I felt her body shake with sobs. I continued to whisper sweet nothings in her ear to calm her down. After a few moments, she was calm enough to have a conversation and I had some questions to ask her.

“I have some questions to ask you but first I want you to know that I’m glad you told me everything and that I don’t want you to blame yourself for what happened. Anyone would’ve been vulnerable and confused in your situation. You did the best that you could and I’m so proud of you for how far you’ve come since a few months ago and I want you to know what she did to you is not okay.” I didn’t expect a vocal reply out of her, however, I did feel her nuzzle her nose into my neck.

I continued with my little speech. “Now time for the questions,” I said while taking her chin in my hands to get her to look at me. “Did she ever force you to do anything you didn’t want to? You can just nod your head yes or no.” I asked, raising my eyebrow so she would know what I was implying. I see her shake her head at me. “Okay good, that’s good. Do you know what you want to do yet?”

She moved out of my embrace a little to sit up so she could answer. “Yes, I don’t want to be with her anymore but every time I try to have a conversation with her she breaks down like she did in the gym.” She cried. I thought for a few seconds before I answered her. “I have an idea but it’s going to be a lot, are you up for it?” She looked up at me and nodded.

Over the next few days, we talked over and over about what would be the best way to go about it. When we finally got it it was time to execute it.

Wanda’s Pov

Your plan had been brilliant, It was the best thing for everyone involved although not to get hurt but that still didn’t make this any easier. Even after everything that Natasha had done I still cared for the woman but this was the best thing for her. All I had to do was get her to Bruce and he would pretty much do the rest since you had caught him up on everything that had happened. Natasha was sitting in the kitchen drinking a protein shake when I approached her. “Hey, Tasha, I was wondering if you would come down to the lab with me. I need to grab something from Tony. He said it was something about “New and improved armor.” I asked, leaning against the counter trying to not show my nerves. “Yeah sure I'll come with you.” She answered, grabbing her protein drink off the counter to take with her.

When we got to the lab she opened the door for me. I walked in and my eyes met with Bruce. I searched his emotionless eyes with my nervous ones hoping that he could give me some kind of reassurance that this was the right thing to do.

As we walked in farther Bruce walked up to us with a blank look on his face. Natasha was the first one to speak. “Hey, Bruce. Tony said he had some new armor for Wanda?” I grabbed her hand to get her to look at me thinking I should be the one to break the news. “Um, actually Nat we’re not here for that, Bruce wanted to speak with you,” I explained gently, trying to keep her as calm as possible. “Speak to me? Speak to me about what?”

She was a little cautious about what was going on. I looked to Bruce for help, thinking he would know how to answer her better than I would. “I just want to talk, you know, checking in with how you're doing.” He answered her. “Well, I’m doing fine. I need to know what this is about and I need to know now.”

Not wanting to upset her more than I already have, I decided to just tell her. “Listen,” I said, taking her hands in mine. “I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with accepting help. Even the strongest people fall sometimes.” She looked at me with worry in her voice and asked. “I- I what are you talking about?” “I spoke with him about what you told me in the gym and about everything,” I replied, almost holding my breath. I worried about what the outcome of this would be. “And he thinks that he has some things that can help you.” She looked at me with wide eyes before stating. “What I’m not crazy…I’m not crazy.” I quickly reassured her and said, “No one said you are not like I said it's okay to need help sometimes,” hoping that she would understand.

It seemed like she did as she took a deep breath and surprisingly agreed to hear Bruce out as long as I sat there and listened with her, I agreed to do that seeing as I did just surprise her out of nowhere with this. After we listened to Bruce talk about what would be her treatment plan. She seemed to be more comfortable with the idea.

When we were walking out of the lab she stopped. I turned around to see what was the hold up when she said something that I wasn’t expecting. “I’m sorry for what I did, Really sorry.” She said looking down at her feet. “And I want you to be happy, You deserve to be happy and I know that you aren’t that with me but you were with y/n and if you need me to explain everything to her I will but you deserve to be happy and be with someone who is just as amazing as you are.” She continued this time looking me in the eyes. I was shocked as to what I was hearing but not wanting to leave her hanging I replied. “Thank you for apologizing and I accept your apology. I do not need you to talk to Y/n but I do appreciate the gesture.” She nodded at me. “So I guess this is it?” You looked at her and gave a sad smile. “Yes it is, but I will be here if you need to talk and I want to be updated on how your treatment is going.” She smiled back at you and replied “I will keep you updated. Bye, Wanda.” “Goodbye,” I said as I walked away from her feeling sad but excited to go and see you.

When I finally found you, you were in your room reading some book that I couldn't see the name of. I ran into the room and jumped on your bed. You giggled and put the book down, then said, “I'm guessing it went well?” I nodded my head, smiling. “It went a lot better than I was expecting. Your plan worked,” I said. You looked at me, smiling, “I told you it would,” you said while scooting over to make room for me. As I was getting comfortable, I felt you staring at me. I looked up at you and asked, “What?” You blushed and replied, “Nothing, you're just really beautiful.” I surprised myself and started leaning up to kiss you. I went slow, not the perfect knowing if you were ready yet, but letting you know that I was. I soon knew that you were when I felt your lips on mine. I smiled softly as I broke away from the kiss. I then snuggled up in your arms, not certain of what we were in the moment, but sure of one thing: you are enough for me.

♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎♥︎♡︎

Feedback absolutely loved!!!

[crocheting-cupio]

"Do I Have A Crush?" Quizzes as an Aromantic

In a previous post I had mentioned that I love taking "do I have a crush?" quizzes as an Aromantic. What I didn't share in that post was all of my findings from taking basically every quiz on that topic I could find. This is gonna be a bit of a long one, but I hope it will be an enlightening one!

Being an aro and taking these quizzes is pretty interesting. Because I do get plushes, which for me share some qualities with crushes, but are a completely different experience as a whole. For lack of a better equivalent, I have used my plushes while taking these quizzes. This will become relevant later on.

Anyway, here are my findings:

1. The target demographic for these quizzes is teenage girls. Well, the majority of online quizzes are intended for teenage girls. But these ones are especially designed for teenage girls. It's often painfully obvious by the way they are written, the answers available, and the scenarios provided. About crushes specifically though, this makes sense. Most people have their first crush during their teenage years. So the next logical step is to be curious about these new feelings and take an online quiz to figure out what's going on. Why only girls, though? Hard to say. It could be because they assume boys generally feel more confident in their romantic interest and thus would have no need for such a thing. Worth noting it was very hard to find a TRULY gender inclusive quiz. There's tons of wlm and wlw, but almost nothing for mlw or mlm. And if you're nonbinary or your crush is nonbinary, good fucking luck. The vast majority of them rely on some sort of gender stereotype. So many of these are clearly written from the perspective that you are a cishet woman interested in a cishet man. In multiple quizzes I have actually found typos where instead of using they/them, they accidentally use he/him in one question, almost like it had been up for a few years, then someone edited it later and missed one. A freudian slip if I ever saw one.

2. Practically all of them assume you are currently attending high school I understand that this is the time when most people get their first crush... but there are people who only crush on celebrities and fictional characters until they are an adult. This is not an extremely uncommon occurrence. So as you can imagine, there are a lot of questions that ask about how you interact with this person at school. Usually the addition of "or at work" feels like an afterthought. Some quizzes I've come across don't even consider that an adult might be taking the quiz. Like the question just openly states that you are at school.

3. They frequently assume that your crush is NOT someone in your friend group. This is probably the most interesting one to me personally. Because I myself cannot get a plush on someone until I've known them as a friend for at least three months. And I know plenty of non-aro people that need to get to know someone as a friend before developing romantic feelings. It's just... such an oddly specific assumption, y'know? They don't even consider that maybe this person is already in your friend group (unless you are talking specifically "do I have a crush on my best friend" quizzes). They just doesn't consider that the way you feel about someone can change over time. It's love at first sight or you will never feel that way about that person, I guess. (I think this is more teenager shenanigans. Because "am I about to enter a relationship with an abusive guy" doesn't appear to be the concern. Just that both or either friend group might not approve...?)

4. They generally assume your crush is a stranger or someone you do not know very well. Related to the previous one, this one is kind of weird to me. I understand the concept of love at first sight, but these are "do I have a crush" quizzes, not "is this love at first sight" quizzes. Almost every quiz I took had a least one question that assumed you had fallen in love with someone you have never spoken to. And often for answers on other questions instead of including an "I'm on the fence for how I feel about this person" option in the answers, which would be pretty logical to include, they have an option that says "N/A because I don't actually know them." However, the "do I have a crush on my best friend" quizzes are an exception to this. Instead they often assume you are spending every single free moment of time you have with this person.

5. If you have a crush on your best friend, you have either terribly misinterpreted you feelings and theirs, or they will never feel the same way about you. Um, yeah... I guess some people just can't tell the difference between romantic attraction and just being really good friends. But an important note: I think in some cases there's definitely outside pressure saying that two people "should" be in a romantic relationship simply because they are close platonically. Making those people question how they feel. Hence the existence of these quizzes. I can definitely feel that pressure while taking them.

6. They assume that your friends are all a certain type of person and your relationship with them is very specific. So here's the common assumptions I found across most quizzes:

Your friends are the type of people that are very invested in the love lives of everyone in that friend group. (And also outside of your friend group...)

Your friends are the type of people that will tease you about your romantic interests instead of being supportive.

You talk frequently about your love interests, love life, or lack there of with your friends. (Before you say "What? Everyone does that!" Not everyone does that.)

You are the only person questioning your feelings, everyone else is certain you have a crush.

Thankfully a teenage friend has informed me that this is 100% a teenager behaviour that happens all the time. Although I have seen cases where women under the age of 25 can also do this. I would go into detail about each of those but I think how these are not good assumptions to make is pretty self explanatory. You don't know me, you don't know what my friends are like, stop saying your experiences are universal. I will say blindly trusting the quiz taker's friends is not as reliable of a choice as it sounds. Sometimes people will just call any fond feelings for someone, platonic or not, a crush. And they sometimes will insist that person has a crush even if they say that they do not have a crush and simply want to be friends. And after awhile it can get to your head and feel like the only opinion that matters.

7. They assume this person is someone who you know/you regularly see in real life. In every quiz I took they asked at least one question that I could not answer because the plush I was using for all of these is someone I only know online. Specifically, it was some variant of "how often do you stare at them?" I understand this is a defining part of having a crush for most people, but I was rarely even given the option to say that this person and I are not regularly in the same room. Okay, let's say a teen girl gets a crush on a boy on from another school during like a sports game. She cannot answer this particular question truthfully either because imagining how often you'd stare at someone you met once if you were regularly in the same room with accuracy is not easy.

8. They assume you have the biggest crush, as anything less could lead to negative results from the quiz. Because I do not experience the same feelings, sometimes answering these questions truthfully is very difficult because my options are usually like this:

Q. If your crush asked you to hang out, how would you react?

OMG YES YES YES!!!

Well, we hang out all the time (as friends) so this is just a normal Tuesday for us.

I haven't even introduced myself to this person so they literally cannot ask me to hang out.

I'd make an excuse to not go.

And none of this is even close to how I feel about my plush. Or even about my friends. I cannot answer this question with 100% honesty. Legitimately, I've felt like I've gotten "you don't have a crush" results for the simple reason that I am not head over heals for my plush. Often it was either "every thought in my mind is of them" or "they're alright, I guess." But you can see how only the first option, with the most intense feelings, suggests that you have a crush. The other three options are either completely neutral feelings or suggest dislike. And since that's what people are taking this quiz to figure out, almost everyone is going to pick the first option. It might as well be just "would you hang out with your crush if they asked you, yes or no?"

So these quizzes are built on the assumption that you do, in fact, have a crush. You just want those feelings validated.

"Okay that's great Snowy, but what results did you get from these quizzes as an aromantic?"

Well, I didn't write down exact numbers since there were so many quizzes I took over about an eight month period. Some of them I took multiple times months apart and got different results. But I'd say about 60% said I had a crush, or was likely to have a crush. And 40% said I did not, or it wasn't likely to be a crush.

The funny part?

When I took some of those I didn't have a plush on anyone at the time. I was just using how I felt platonically about a close friend as the "crush." And while this did sway the results, it was not by much. Turning it more into a 50/50 chance.

No plush, no sexual attraction, they are JUST my friend. And yet, the results screen tells me I am deeply in love with them about half of the time.

When I said they assume you do have a crush, I really meant it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finally, I have actually made my own "do I have a crush" quiz that hopefully avoids doing everything I just talked about. No assumptions about the person you may have feelings for, no assumptions about your friends, no assumptions about you, who you are, or why you are taking it in the first place.

It's password locked since I'd like to get results strictly from people who find this post on Tumblr (for now). So type in this word when prompted:

conformity

Thank you for reading all the way to the end. I spent a long time with all the research and writing so it means a lot to me. ���

[didnt-hear-cold-as-you-live]

I know your boyfriend has family in the States and that’s a big part of why he can’t see himself moving to Australia but…has he even been there? It’s been your dream for forever, you fought so hard to make it good for yourself…it just seems weird that he hasn’t even seen this place that holds part of your heart if he also has part of it. I’m probably biased though because I was very much team cut him loose when all the shit went down before and I’m still genuinely unclear on why you took him back. Wish I had some advice on a good place to land in the US but DC is my favorite city (well, Arlington/Alexandria) and it doesn’t do it for you, so…I guess I’ll second Chicago…it’s my next favorite. Good luck bestie, whatever comes next you deserve to be happy.

Hi okay I am getting a lot of anons addressing this topic so I do want to explain bc like, I get this line of questioning.

So, I broke up with him while I was on tour with a band, the tour ended in New York and I stayed on the tour bus and headed to California with the band, because I didn’t want to get dropped off back to our apartment in NYC (as per the original tour plan) under those circumstances. On the way back to San Francisco, we stopped in Chicago for 2 days and I’m standing around in a concert venue while we’re there and who walks up to me but my boyfriend. Once he saw where we were he flew there immediately, and he took me outside and had a very, like, Betty moment and he just poured his heart out and sang me a song he’d written and apologized so profusely and begged me to give him a second chance. Albeit reluctantly at first, I did.

I think the person I am with now is almost a completely different human being than the one I was in a relationship with before, in the best way. You know how Chase Stokes is just so obsessed with and all-in and one of the girlies and biggest cheerleader ever ever ever for Kelsea Ballerini? Or how, a bit less so, Travis is for Taylor? That’s how it is and that’s how it’s been. He’s been so supportive of my every dream and every want and just would bend over backwards to make me smile and is so intentional and clear about those things. To the extent where he’d been paying my rent the first 5 months I’ve been here so that I could be here and be less stressed because he wanted me to have this, at like, extreme financial detriment to himself. And it’s not like my love is something someone can purchase, its more about the gesture and willingness to do that. He is so receptive to critique and is always trying to be better for me. I’ve never imagined being so loved or so supported by someone, genuinely. In my first 5 year relationship I would look at girls with supportive boyfriends like this and think about how that kind of thing was just not something that was in the cards for me. I look back now at how fulfilled I am with this relationship and can’t believe I used to feel that way.

To answer your question, he has been here! We came together in 2018 when we were just friends (he is the ONLY person in my whole life who has met The Australian, ha) and he was just visiting me 6 weeks ago. Unfortunately he didn’t get to be in Melbourne very long (we traveled a lot which I now regret) so I couldn’t really like, broadcast my love of it here onto him, but he has visited and he thinks it’s a great place. He just doesn’t feel any kind of emotional calling to it (other than me obv but I am physically capable of moving) that justifies being away from everything he’s ever worked for and loved in his whole life and every family member and friend he cares about (he’s relatively well adjusted with 90% of his family and fears them getting older, cannot relate at all). Which is, I suppose understandable even though I don’t like it or agree: I’d be giving up my dream if I left. He’d be giving up his dream and his life and his family and every friend he’s ever had.

[panzershrike-pretz]

Okay so its too late at night and I'm having thoughts so here's

Reasons I think Brazil would have no problems with a zombie apocalypse

Based on a conversation me and a friend had a few months ago (maybe last year)

1. Cemeteries

Okay. First off- we're used to seeing zombie movies taking place in the US, right? And from all the movies I've seen, american graves are like a hole on the ground?? And of course the fellas would crawl out easy (they'd still have to get out of the casket but we'll imagine they managed that already

Now, I don't know 'bout all of my fellow brazilians but all of the many funerals I've been to, when they lower a casket they put a few concrete slabs above it. Now- let us think

Its hard enough for a zombie to crawl out of the wood, but then move concrete slabs??? And then we have these bad boys:

Those things above the grave surely would make the zombies be stuck for a while, right??? I've seen alive people struggle to move those lids-

And I took plenty of walks through cemeteries to know that the zombies would be having a HARD time navigating through those bitches. They're all uneven?????? I trip all the time and have fallen more than once and I'm alive enough to calculate my steps

Also. Gates. Never seen a brazilian cemetery without gates. But lets say the zombies do get through, so now we move onto subject 2;

2. Temperature

I'm sorry but you CANNOT tell me that a zombie would make it through the Brazilian weather!!! Not a way in hell

I can barely make it through the heat of here, a dead person would not!!! Never!!!

They be far beyond decomposed as soon as they manage to get out of their graves, with how hot this place is. Sure there are the colder places and the ines that rain, but that'd also not help?????

Without a beating heart to keep the body warm, that shit will freeze. They'd be so fucked down ere on the South tbh, especially high places

And lets say they are from somewhere rainy. The zombies are already decomposing and being rained on??? Just?? They'll be falling apart by the time they reach the road

But okay. The virus keeps them from decomposing at normal speeds. Next:

3. Critters

Tell me the sheer amount of street dogs would not be eating that free meat up, I dare you. Not a word about our caramelos, they're the biggest help 🐕

They'll be fighting over that amount of food. Sure the zombies may walk but they're too slow and there are simply Too Many strays everywhere?? Sometimes they even walk around in gangs

And that's not to say bout the other nasty fellas like my big boys: vultures. They'll be so happy- and everywhere there's vultures. They'll feast✨️✨️✨️ but also flies

Moscas. They'll be everywhere but putting their larvae on the zombies will sure help them decompose????? I hope??????????????????????????????? Anyway, if none of that works:

4. Walls

Unlike all photos, videos and movies of American houses I see, we have walls protecting ours. A giant variety of them with many ways to keep people out

I cannot believe a zombie would go up a 3 meter high wall with glass shards on top and barbwire that Zenaide and José built 40 years ago because there was one (1) single break in in the city around that time. Nuh-uh

And there's the ones with all of that AND electric fence on top. We live inside prisons of maximum security just so we don't get robbed

The zombie's not getting past our defenses!!!!!! And if they do.

5. Bars on every window and door

My house has them. Every single window, even the bathroom ones. And both of our doors, too.

A lot of houses have them in addition to the high ass prison walls. Sure they may get past the walls but I want to see them try and get inside the house.

6. Zombies are slow

This one depends but mostly, they really are slow- so you'd have time to prepare, I guess??? Could even still go to work?? If your vejicle is fast enough???

I can very well see a scenario where everything keeps happening but we just act like the zombies are a minor nuisance like- oh yeah I guess I'll go to João's birthday party yeah. They built a new wall and gate :/ hard to see which houe is it oh uh oop there it is! The one with the ugly graffiti :D just lemme go through here- yep- gotta outrun Seu Jorge here-

Anyway. Yeah. I can see brazilians still going to work like "uuhhhhg if I have to I guess :/ "

7. Hygiene

We do have the fame of being very clean so the disease would be very less likely to spread (i hope). And in line with my prior point, if we still work there'll still be clean water and food and what not

Just don't think too hard about it ok? Ok

8. Roads

The stupid ass infrastructure of this stupid ass country is shit. The ground is uneven as all hell and there's no accessibility almost at all

You tell me if a dead person can walk through here without falling- they can't. Just can't.

We literally have anniversay parties for holes on the road if they stay there long enough, you cannot come here and think that a zombie will be able to navigate through without eating the ground first

9. Big ass country

Giant.

10. Day-to-day life is already a struggle

What? We already have to walk around with wide eyes and cluthing our stuff close or someone could just snatch it away

What is walking just more alert so you're not bitten??? I mean, its nothing too big. A zombie is better than two guys in a motorbike anyway

I for one already walk around like everyone can and will eat me if they have the chance, so upping the game up to creatures that actually will eat me is not that big of a step.

That being said, I'd still end up dying in very stupid way 💀

----------------------------------------------

Feel free to add more reasons, my fellow BRs!! Or gringos (maybe)!!

[nickgerlich]

The Last Time

As much as I am a futurist, I think it is also worthy of our time to look long into the rear view, to reflect on how far we have come, how much change has happened without our really having noticed, and how lives are different from the way they were.

And so I give to you my recurring essay on “The Last Time.” I don’t intend to be sad or morose, although that can certainly happen, such as when we recall the last time we saw a person, especially loved ones. No, I am more concerned in this exercise to reflect on the things, the artifacts, the services, of a society that we no longer utilize, but at the time of our “last time,” we just didn’t realize it.

Worse yet, the longer you live, the longer this list grows. It is inevitable as technology advances—and so do you—that your inventory of things and services no longer consumed gets a little longer each year.

Take, for example, the last time you used a travel agent to buy an airline ticket or book a rental car. Although I cannot pin down the date, I am going to estimate it was around 1997, when Travelocity was riding high. I didn’t think about the significance at the time, until I saw the son of the then-defunct travel agency working the front desk of an airline at the Amarillo airport. Geez, did I help put him out of a job?

It is much the same for hotel reservations, which I now do via a mobile app on my phone. I reserve, pay, and get a digital key so that I do not even have to interact with the front desk. I just go to my room.

My tech history is littered with products, many of which I still keep in a box or two “just in case,” including 5 1/4” floppy discs, 3 1/2” discs, ZIP discs, CD-ROMs, and so forth. I have every cable imaginable. And what about the office fax machine, a staple rendered obsolete in recent years? It has been a long time, and a few years ago, I learned it had been an even longer time when I went into the COB office to fax something. They laughed when I asked where the fax machine was. They told me to just scan and email it.

OK.

I could go on, and I will. Landline telephone? Payphone? Paper map atlas? I think it is still a good skill to know how to read a map, and not just rely on Google to bark out turn-by-turn directions, but it is pretty rare when I bring out that huge booklet. I used to buy a new atlas every year. I bet it has been eight years or more now.

Let’s look at some other tech items. Did you ever own a black-and-white television? My family had one up until the early-1970s, and the small portable I took off to university in 1977 was also B/W. But that’s the last I remember. And what about your phone? I suspect that most of you are so young that you have never owned anything but a smartphone, while I have recollections of several flip phones and their varietals, as well as a predecessor bag phone, which weighed about five pounds.

There are other things in our lives as well. For example, it may be the last drink you took, the last cigarette you smoked, the last meat you ate. Shedding old habits for new can be hard, and I bet those are the ones that stand out most in our memories, because they all involve things we put in our mouth.

Yesterday I had occasion to write a check. I looked through the registry, and noticed it had been more than two months since the previous, and three months before that one. For a person who used to write checks all the time, I have almost phased it out of my life. Now we Venmo, Zelle, and other methods that have become verbs, or just pay our bills electronically. Truth be known, that’s how I do most of my bill pays, but this one in particular added a fee for credit cards, so I went old school. The tax assessor can be like that.

For that matter, when was the last time you actually swiped a credit or debit card? We have replaced all that with chip readers or tap-and-pay, and now hand scanning at Whole Foods. Swiping is so 2010.

The crazy part of all this rear view remembering is that few among us ever knew what was happening. We were making implicit decisions, not explicit, and so it could not be known until later that we had just passed a turning point. Even when I eventually got rid of the typewriter my parents had gifted me for high school graduation, I did not realize I would never ever use one again.

I challenge you to consider your growing list of things for which the last time has already passed, and most likely completely under your radar. You have all lived long enough, even in your short lives, to have experienced the march of technological progress.

You just don’t realize it. Think on it, and share in the comments.

Dr “Last Dance” Gerlich

Audio Blog

[sunshineisreal]

Mealspome-

Follow up to my last post, I now have to face some new fears of mine.

1. Soberity from alcohol for at least 1 month - sobriety for me isn't permanent. I just cannot keep on using it as an excuse to engage in unhealthy behaviour or as an escape. I used to be so motivated as a kid, alcohol and drugs took that from me.

2. I like health foods more than processed sugary foods, but I've definitely fallen into a sugar and fat pit because I can not afford good food and living with my mom now. All she buys is unhealthy snacks. Idk what I'm gonna do there, I need a substitute for sugar until I stop craving it.

3. No over eating. 3 meals a day only. Which, when I'm not over eating, is lunch, dinner, something small after dinner. Or lunch, snack, late dinner. So I'm gonna start with no breakfast tomorrow, just so my body can chill for a bit and be reminded it doesn't NEED SUGAR RIGHT THIS SECOND.

4. I've been scared to go outside or face people. My dog is getting fat :( . I need to go outside for daily walks but omg I'm so frightened cause I look like shit. My hair is awful and uuughhhhghdhdhdh. Like, I'm too fat to be seen in public by people who know me. I'm so frightened.

Really, it's just sobriety, and the going outside which scare me the most. I've been dealing with the food shit forever, I'm more familiar with how it goes.

Extra :) : ever since I was a kid I've always wanted buff arms, idc abt abs or legs or butt, I've just really wanted arm muscles, to like, prove I wasn't worthless or something. Regardless of the psychology behind my initial desire, I'm going to start yoga again 😞🫣. If I have arm muscle, I can go a little easier on myself for my diet. But as a petite woman, I feel like this is going to be really hard. Actually, I know it's going to be difficult cause this isn't my first rodeo.

OH ALSO 5. Running again bitch! U don't need to track ur calories or ur steps ok, just run for ONLY 30 SECONDS tomorrow, and I'll love u 🫡

Imagine a future where you are healthy and happy.

Although I'm scared like, ok, so I run and am sober? So what? I'll still be miserable!

That train of thought just popped into my head.

[anakinskywalkerog]

omg oli hiii! no worries at all hehe, i was sorta worried because of the oli drought lol

actually me and eli broke up like last week lmao. my friend was the one who suggested it - he was like, "dude. you dont seem interested in your relationship at all anymore. hes dating you thinking you still like him, which is unfair. i genuinely think you like han more than eli at this point; if what you said about getting the feeling of him not really keeping to himself is true, then break up, for both of your sakes."

so i did 🤷‍♀️

but yes i love 'I Can See You', all of the vault tracks are so good! foolish one was written for me lolol. and timeless is so perfect. "in the 1500s in a foreign land"??? ma'am, queen taylor has slayed again. or should i say, queen slaylor?

lmao i agree with the seasoning part. existence is too boring indeed. although i disagree with using the crush thingy. i don't REALLY like him, sort of just an attraction. in fact its over too lol. he texted me and we talked for a little bit and everything has gone back to how it was before anything turned up 💀 i get the ick quite easily

oh no! im sorry! im sure it will, but in the meantine, if you ever need, i'm always here :)

he did lmao! it took a lot of begging, and a lot of flat out refusal ("i cant write that! thats objectification! "consensual objectification!" "... no way i can do that. id be scarred." "its fine just do just do it pleaaaaase!" "lmao i cannot write smut about you both, thats too far, even for me, canberry." "...what about all of the smut you read then-") (not sure what gave him that impression but i am a college student, what am i, mary jane? i could, but i wont 🤭) cranberry asked after i wrote a sort of drabble for his friend (who also asked, but he gives highkey gay vibes lol. he and his gym bro and both crazy) back in january, but i flat out refused. and then something my friend posted on her story after one of our finals made me go "... no way, but i actually have a great idea"

ergo it happened!

but its definitely platonic lolol im sort of their only friend with such *amazing* writing skills ;) their exact words were "but youre the only person we know who writes fanfiction, please please please"

lmao i have no clue, just being crazy with their boys i guess lol.

hopefully! definitely did not seem that way from his messages, but maybe im wrong. ill give it a couple of months? plus, i have not been blocked, or removed from his stories, and he did enjoy reading it (bros was laughing so hard he couldnt even read)

lmaooo me too! we would be so iconic. feel free to drama dump anytime lmaoo. i am officially a *tumblr user who gets asks* (proud smiling) hehe 😈

i also cooked my own curry for the first time today hehe that was interesting

lmao i will try, thank you for the tip <3

love, sythe <3

sorry it took me so long to reply, sythe!!

1) don’t be worried about oli droughts, I just get busy but everything is fine!

2) sorry to hear about eli 😭 damn. but also rip and thank u next, you know what I’m sayin

3) foolish one was written for all us tumblr girlies!! lololol. but also, you don’t have to have a CRUSH just to have a lil crush. like, just a lil makin eyes on occasion makes life less boring hehe

4) truly CANNOT imagine anyone in my real life asking me to write them fanfic let alone a BOY let alone SMUT that is a crazy story

🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡 (ps have you watched Ahsoka yet)

[roci-wolf]

ROCI IM SO SORRY IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO REPLY I FORGOT 😭😭😭

but okay lemme go one by one by what i remember from what you said

i’m so sorry you’ve been going through a hard time. it isn’t easy when you feel like your mental health is failing. i know firsthand how hard it can be. but i’m so so proud of you for working on yourself and your mental health. and i’m glad you decided to take a break for yourself. i hope the break has been fruitful!

and gosh i’m so sorry about your bunny :( it can’t be easy. my cats go play around away from the garden for a bit and i freak out when i don’t see them around. so i can’t imagine how terrible it must be.

but AHHHHH NEW KITTYYYYYY!!!! so excited!!! did you get the kitty already? what’d you name it? what kind of cat is it??? heheh i love cats and i’m so excited for you!!

i’m proud you’re working on your self esteem and i get that sometimes the stuff we want comfort from most tend to become the most stressful because we’re in a bad place and the magic and comfort just doesn’t feel the same and it just… ultimately feels worse cause it feels like you lost something very important to you :(

but i hope slowly you can return. i miss seeing you on here and i miss your lil asks and your opinions on my random posts jshdjsjdjsk but no pressure! take your time and i hope you feel better soon 💛💛💛 and i’ll be here~ with a bunch of comfort fics if you wanna ever read em hehe

nooo don't worry, i don't frequently check my notifs anyway so i didn't notice 😭

yeah, my biggest problem was getting out of survival mode, i am the avoidant type of person so it's very hard for me to deal with anything in my life that's out of my comfort zone, but i finally stepped up and started to figure things out. ofc it's still hard and because i've been focusing solely on survival for so long i don't really know what i want from life anymore?? but i am proud i can at least relax a bit more and i can give time to myself to think and reflect. thank you for the words~ you're so kind

yeah, i kinda got used to the idea that i'll never see my bunny again and i'm consoling myself with the thought that she's in a much better place now and that she's hopping happily without my cat bothering her lol 💗

unfortunately smth came up so i can't pick up the cat yet. i'm actually getting him from my friend bcs her cat gave birth a few month ago and she's giving me one of her kitties, but i have to wait 2 more weeks till i can finally get him. also, because i'm getting it from my friend, i actually don't know its breed 🤣 my friend doesn't know the exact breed of her cat and the dad is unknown (lol), so i can't tell for sure, but the mom is a combination of a tabby with some other fancy breed that i cannot recognise. it has many orange spots of her coat mixed with the regular tabby colors, does that make sense?? but he kitty i'm adopting has a dark coat with no orange spots at all. it looks like a tabby, but much darker than usual, idek how to explain 😭

ALSO i actually SUCK at giving pets names 😭😭 i always get overwhelmed bcs it feels like such a big responsibility to me so i always collect ideas from other people. sooo if you have any cool male cat names in mind 👀👀 i'm more than glad to hear

yeah, that's exactly how it feels with comfort places 😭😭 that's why i got away from tumblr a little bit, i didn't want it to start feeling like a 'responsibility' or like something i needed to do, i tend to do that with my hobbies sometimes and it makes them unenjoyable. i also stopped writing for a while and opening tumblr was reminding me about that and it made me feel a little guilty haha

but! it's summer vacation now and things are moving in the right direction (in my opinion at least) so who knows.

aw, THANK YOU, TI, you're so sweet 🥹🥹 i miss sending asks and answering on random stuff too 😭 i am glad i was not an annoyance with those lol

and!!! i actually do want to read what you've been posting since i disappeared 👀 is there anything you'd recommend me to read first??

[gallopinggallifreyans]

Ohhhhh i have a BIG problem with this. Hold on I’m gonna rant.

I am an immigrant. I moved to Canada when I was less than 2 years old. I moved here with my mum, because my dad was always getting sent on business trips so he couldn’t be around very often, since he was trying to scrape up a living for our family of three (at the time).

We moved here with $2,000 CAD to our name.

That’s about $3,000 CAD today. It is not enough for two months’ rent, to put it in perspective. My mother had a job. But I was a baby, I didn’t want my mum to leave me alone, and I was too young for primary schools here. They wouldn’t take any child under 3. My mum quit her job and put all of her time towards looking for a primary school that would keep me busy until I could start regular school. Keep in mind I was barely 2.

Here’s where the grandparent bit comes in. I am the first grandchild on my mother’s side, so my grandparents on her side had a huge hand in raising me, because my dad couldn’t be around as often as he’d liked. Raising baby me was stressful, because babies are difficult, but even more so because we are an immigrant family. We don’t have footholds here. Our connections were so limited. My grand aunt and grand uncle were here too, and thank god for that, because my mum was under so much stress of having baby me, moving to a new country and trying to establish us right after 9/11 happened, and not having her husband around. I need you to imagine her stress.

I genuinely don’t think kids these days know how fucking hard it is to raise a child without help. My mum had help. My grandparents were a formative force in my life, my grandfather lives with us now because my grandmother has passed. They were the ones who took care of me when my parents needed a break. And I was a difficult kid, they absolutely needed breaks. When my sister was born it was because of my grandparents that my mum didn’t have multiple breakdowns about the process. Moving a year old baby from India to Canada is not as easy as you think it is. It is because of my grandparents that this was possible, that we are as established as we are now.

I genuinely cannot get over the entitlement of kids these days. Who gave you the right to judge others’ family planning? If you choose to have children, I hope you understand.

capitalistic individualism has rotted yall's brains

[sparguscityangel]

The Throne

Prompt suggest by the lovely @radioactivepeasant! <3 I’m a little rusty, I haven’t written anything in about a year or two so I’m still trying to get into my groove, though this prompt was too good to pass up!!! I’ll put some notes in the tags if you’re interesting in some of the thought process into this! Enjoy!

TW: brief and non-graphic panic attack, mentions of blood and body horror

Prompt: Underground post Jak 2 trying to make Jak take the throne?

The second the rift gate collapsed behind Samos and the Kid — Jak, how could he not have seen the resemblance? — Jak found himself standing in the Underground bunker flanked by almost everyone he knew. 

It sort of slipped out of him. The outlandish discovery that he spent the better part of three months protecting himself from the very people would would still get their devious hands on him later in life still rattled him deeply, and when he saw Torn and Ashelin’s panicked expression over the lack of Kid with them, it kinda came out all at once. For once, it was Jak who spilled the beans and not Daxter, who did a double take as soon as the words came out. Jak doesn’t even remember exactly what he said, and was somewhat grateful when Samos stepped in to explain the time travel bits. 

Somewhat grateful. He wished Daxter was with him, but he was also glad that his friend decided to hang back at the Hip Hog — now the Naughty Ottsel — in preparation for the celebration to mark the end of the metalhead war. Still, he really could use a friend right about now. Now he was standing under a swinging lightbulb while everyone regarded him differently. A sick part of him relished in the change of attitude towards him. They didn’t see him as the dangerous teenaged renegade, they saw him as the last of a royal bloodline. Their faces were painted in hues of disbelief and confusion, all masked by the stern expressions of a body of radicals deciding what to do with the problem at hand. 

Torn was the first to speak.

“You were the Kid this entire time,” 

“Looks like it,”

“So you’ve always been a huge pain in the ass, huh?” 

Ashelin hit Torn’s arm. The former KG flinched, though it was evident that she didn’t even hit him that hard. He still strunk back as Ashelin took control of the meeting. 

“Jak, we can’t begin to imagine what this city has put you through. It seems we’ve been messing up your entire life … Please know that this city owes you a debt of gratitude for helping us bring down my father’s regime and defeating Kor. You’re a true hero,” Ashelin said, her version of an apology falling to deaf ears. Messing up was an understatement, “That being said, we cannot afford to lose any time in rebuilding the city. We need a leader, Jak. The rightful leader,” 

The room fell in complete silence. The last statement hung in the air like a dead man, ever present and the only thing on everyone’s minds. Everyone’s, except Jak’s it seemed. “Wait. You’re not seriously suggesting I take the throne, are you?”

 It never occurred to him that this was the absolute best case scenario. He was too young before, barely four and far too naive in the ways of life, much less in ruling an entire city. Even if he did take the throne at that age, he still would’ve needed someone to oversee the operations of the city until he became of age. This, however, was a gift falling into the lap of the Underground. The rightful heir to the throne was old enough to make decisions regarding the well-being of the city. 

Precursors, they wanted to put his ass on the throne before putting his ass in therapy. 

Jak shook his head, hunching his shoulders in on himself. He was about to say something when Samos interjected. “He hasn’t reached his eighteenth year yet! There’s a right way to go about things like this—”

“He’s already been through the Trials, Samos, he’s more than ready to take the throne,”

“Just barely! Even the Precursors didn’t want to let him complete the Trials because he was too young even in this form. It was a matter of grave importance, but that doesn’t mean we can disregard tradition,”

“Tradition?” Ashelin hissed, her jaw tightening. “I think tradition went out the window the day when his father abandoned the throne,”

Jak went stiff. Everyone always talked about his older ancestor, but no one had even thought to mention his parents. Suddenly, new questions were racing through his head. Was his parents even still alive? Or were they just two more bodies added to the casualties of war? Would the city want to be ruled by the son of a man who abandoned his people in the middle of an invasion? What exactly were the sins he was inheriting by even just being descended from him? He looked down at his hands, slipping off a glove to stare at the knitted veins under his wrist. 

The eco pulsed within him. If he looks close enough, he can see the faint purple tint under his skin. If his skin was paler, he could probably see the eco flowing through him, speeding up his heart rate and making everything seem all more intense. He felt his wrist and hand. Dark skin forever marked with an angry coil of waxy scars, bones that never healed just right and used to slip out of sockets in the first few weeks of his imprisonment. He mapped out the shape of his fingers, his nail beds, lines in his palms. Despite it all, he was still flesh and bone. His skin was colder to the touch, but there was still mass there. He was alive, he was here, and he was someone’s son. Someone, somewhere, five years ago gave birth to him and held him like he was the most precious thing in the world. Five years ago, a couple looked at him and pictured the day he would claim the throne to continue on their legacy. 

Faintly, he wondered if he could find a news article of his birth. Would there be a record of Haven’s prince being born? Or were they lost when the new barrier was established? Did any evidence of the deserting king still even exist? 

He doubts it. People weren’t even sure he was the son of the ruler until the amulet around his neck offered them a clue. No one bothered to give him any history lessons on the Kid’s background, but if Jak were to wage a guess, he doesn’t think anyone wanted to remember the king that left them to die in a war this brutal. 

Ashelin and Samos were still arguing about tradition. Torn would just come in once in a while to defend his friend, but even Jak can tell he wasn’t going to get a word in edgewise. He was too preoccupied watching the way his body operated, pinching at his wrist to watch the purple hue grab brighter. Defending itself, almost, from an outside attacker. If it wasn’t for the countless times he’s been injured on a mission, Jak would be convinced his blood was just eco and black sludge that would pour out of him. He almost wished it was. Jak couldn’t be from an ancient bloodline if he didn’t even have any blood to begin with.  

He couldn’t stop himself. The first chuckle came out like a huff of breath, then before he knew it, he was laughing hard. His entire body shook with the force of his laughs, but he couldn’t stop it now that it started. Tears welled up in his eyes, and his stomach was protesting with cramps, but all Jak could do was laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. 

 Once again, everyone was deciding his fate without ever asking him if this is what he wanted in the first place. Just like how they decided he would go to the past and be a hero before he was even old enough to tie his own shoes. Just like when the Krimzon Guard arrested him and decided he was going to make history as a glorified lab kangarat. His fate was in the hands of people who didn’t even know him and he couldn’t stop laughing. 

Torn and Ashelin silenced immediately, though Samos continued on his rant as if he didn’t notice the hysterical laughing coming from his right. Jak didn’t hear what he was saying, only his own laughing echoing in the bunker. “And what’s so funny!? This isn’t a game, Jak! Lives are at stake here!” When Jak didn’t answer, Samos was about to continue when Ashelin shook her head at him. Then the sage turned his concern to the blonde. 

“Jak?” he said softly, laying a hand on a shaking shoulder, “Are you feeling alright, my boy?”

All Jak could do was shake his head, the tears falling faster down his cheeks. The laughs quickly turned painful, and he knew he was going to throw up soon if he didn’t stop, but nothing could stop him now. His fingers tried to thread themselves in his hair, but the goggles got in the way, so he flung them off without a moment's hesitation. The absence let his hair fall forward, tickling his cheeks and jaw for only a moment before he was gripped at the strands from the roots. A finger bumped into the mass of tissue under his hair, and that’s when the laughter finally stopped. 

He couldn’t get enough air in his lungs. The world was starting to go fuzzy around the edges, and he felt like his heart was going to jackhammer out of his chest. He gripped his hair even tighter. He hoped the pinpricks of pain would ground him a little better, but without Daxter by his side to do the talking for him, the demons he tried to lock away were back to nipping at his heels. 

And he was so tired of running. 

“I can’t,” he whispered hoarsely, shaking and pushing the words out past the lump in his throat, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. They all hate me a-and I don’t know the first thing about being a … a king. I can’t even take care of myself, I can’t …. I can’t, Ashelin,” The light casted harsh shadows on Ashelin and Torn’s faces. Every line of disappointment cut through him like glass, leaving him in tathers and ribbons on the floor. The part of him that smelt like salt water and felt like the sun screamed at him to say something, anything to make them happy, but that part of him was mute. The only version of himself that could articulate anything is the part of him that was still locked in Cell B, whispering to itself as it broke fingernails trying to claw away at the bricks of its enclosure. “There …” he swallowed thickly, “There has to be another way. Someone else who can … w-who can take the th-throne. Ashelin, you—”

Lips pursed, the red headed woman cut him off. “I want nothing to do with my father’s legacy. One Praxis on the throne was bad enough, this city doesn’t need another. It needs someone from the House of Mar,”

Jak shook his head. To anyone else, it would seem like a denouncement of the family. A proclamation that he rejected his own birthright. To him, it was a declaration that it was everyone else that denounced him. “I can’t,” 

Ashelin sighed. Jak felt like he was going to be sick. The thought of having to stand before the city and announce his ascension to the throne, of having their lives rest on his shoulders more than they already had been, made his stomach flip unceremoniously. Bile and spit accumulated in his mouth, though whatever dignity remained made him swallow it back down. He was already tethering on a complete breakdown, he didn’t need to add throwing up all over himself to his list of humiliation. “As the Baron’s heir, I’ve made my decision. You are to take the throne. That’s final,”

The hysteria quickly bled into anger, and Jak latched onto it like a lifeline. He can deal with anger. It was a natural emotion to him, he knew how to navigate it well and he knew how to use it to defend himself. The sobs stopped just as abruptly as they started, leaving him with cheeks streaked with dried tears and a curled lip. 

“You really think they’re going to just accept the dark eco freak as a king? They spent months trying to collect a reward on my head! They’ll call bullshit on it from a mile away,”

“The public opinion has nothing to do with you now,” Ashelin shot back, “What’s important now is getting you on the throne. There’s a power vacuum right now, and I’ve heard talks of other members of the cabinet trying to beat us to the punch. It’s imperative we get someone unrelated to my father’s rule on the throne,”

“I don’t know the first thing about ruling a city!”

“You’ll learn!”

“People will revolt before that happens!” Jak cried out, slamming his fist on the table. It left a crack. “Or I could just abandon it, like my father did. It seems like he had the right idea,”

“Your father—!” Ashelin cut herself off, closing her mouth with an audible click of her teeth. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. After a few moments, she opened them again and continued, “That doesn’t matter now. That happened long before you — little you — were born. He abandoned his claim to the throne, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fill in for him,”

Jak scoffed. He was out of here. Call him a coward, but he wasn’t going to stand in this tin of a room and allow them to dictate his life more than they already have. He needed some air. Turning to leave, the teen was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. It was shrugged off, but the hand only gripped him higher on his neck. Samos was too short to reach him up there. 

Torn waited for Jak to turn back around, dropping the hand down once he did. Wordlessly, Torn ran his fist over his chest in tight circles, breathing in and out for every complete rotation. He nodded at him, and Jak shakily brought his own hand up to mimic the movement. One circle, breathe in. Another circle, breathe out. The pattern was consistent, and despite the initial discomfort of feeling the raised coiled scars under his tunic, Jak continued to rub his chest until the panic subsided into something more manageable. Once satisfied, Torn patted his back. 

“I’m on Jak’s side, Ash. We’ve already asked too much of him thus far, we can’t expect him to fix all our problems,”

“Torn!” 

“As much as it makes our predicament harder, I’m also inclined to agree,” Samos sighed, shaking his head somberly, “I trained him to be a hero, but I forgot to teach him the makings of a good leader,” 

Jak felt like he should be offended by that, but the relief of having the majority vote on his side outweighed whatever criticisms were directed at him. Ashelin deflated considerably, pinching the bridge of her nose as she spoke, “Fine. If you’ve got any other suggestions, I would love to hear it because where I’m standing, Jak taking the throne will be our best bet,”

Torn rubbed his chin. Finally, he spoke. “The coronation ceremony usually takes place on the heir’s eighteenth birthday, right?” When Ashelin nodded, he continued, “That gives us, what, a year? I bet you can teach him a thing or two about governing a city until then. He’s no genius, but he’s got something between those ears,” 

A year. Jak can do a year. A year was a long time, and he’s a very fast learner. The idea of being a king still pulled on his insides heavily, the responsibility almost suffocating him once more, but who knows. Maybe with Ashelin’s teachings, the pressure will lift considerably if he knew what to do. He can appoint Daxter and Ashelin as royal advisors, right? It’s not like they’re going anywhere, plus it would give him time to get ready to mentally prepare. He nodded at Torn’s suggestion. 

Asheline still didn’t look too convinced, breathing in deeply before exhaling from her nose. Her boot tapped on the floor in tantum with her nails on the table, body tensed and taunt. Then, she sighed. “Okay. I’ll take over as interim ruler, Jak can shadow me until his birthday, and then we’ll announce his coronation,” she pointed an accusatory finger at him, “But you’ll be moving into the palace. I need you where I can keep my eye on you,”

Jak smiled. “Deal,” 

He can do a year. It’s not like the palace was going anywhere. 

[books-and-catears]

Right everyone hold on to your feels, you will shortly be boarding Angst Express 101. Just look at this brilliant and angsty ask I'm speechless. Even the pairings you asked for are so unique and well thought this is a perfect angst concept. And I really hope I could do this justice. Thank you so much for this ask @saltypaperdestiny

So very sorry for the delay, this was the longest ask I've ever written and boy was I delighted. Though I have to admit I had to cry through some of them myself. This is PART 1. Rest of the brothers and the newly Dateables coming soon in part 2.

Who loved you first? Pt1

Lucifer : Simeon

It was time, he decided. After months of being in your presence, his prideful heart had melted enough to recognise his feelings for you. You were the only he'd truly humble down for, because the affection and care you displayed was unparalled.

"MC please get dressed in something nice. I'm taking you to Ristorante Six as a thank you for helping me with Cerebus and the council paperwork" He says to you, barely containing the excitement. He couldn't wait to see the look on your face when he confessed and how you'd blush when you kissed your knuckles and your cheek and wait - What is Simeon doing in your room at this hour?

He didn't want to interrupt, surely it might be nothing to bother about. He patiently waited outside until he heard what Simeon said.

Simeon: MC... You look beautiful, what's the occasion?

MC: Aw thank you Simeon. You're always so kind. It's nothing much, Lucifer is taking me out as a thank you.

Simeon: Oh do you have to leave right away...?

MC: Oh no no. It's okay I have some more time.

Simeon: Well I originally came here to invite you to try Luke's latest attempt at some new recipes but now there's something else I feel like I must tell you. *Blushes* Something I've been holding back for too long.

MC: *joking* Oh what have you been hiding from me, angel? Speak I beseech you!

Simeon: *laughing and then going solemn* MC... *Takes your hands in his* I love you. I love you with all my heart.

MC: ....me? You love..me? But I'm not nearly-

Simeon: You're the most beautiful soul I've ever met. You radiate kindness and forgiveness and everything pure, overcoming the seven biggest evils you reside with. How can I not love you? Tell me, MC, will you accept me as yours?

Lucifer had a half a mind to storm in and laugh in Simeon's face. What a failure this attempt was going to be. His pride grew inside him as he stifled a laugh. MC was his and only his and now he would take pleasure in watching Simeon learn that. Surely MC was going to turn him down nicely but still. He creeped closer to the door, looking through the open crack.

MC: *in tears* Oh Simeon, I love you too! I never thought an angel could ever love me back!

Simeon: *kisses her knuckles* So... It's a yes?!

MC: Yes yes yes! Oh of course it's a yes! *Hugs him tight* My guardian angel who protects me in the dark, oh how I love you.

Simeon: *laughing as he picks you up and spins you around* Oh how happy you've made me MC! I'm the happiest being alive!

MC: *kissing his cheek* So am I, Simeon. I love you with all my heart.

It took Lucifer all his strength to not collapse or go into a violent frenzy. He balled up his fists so tight, the gloves started tearing at the seams. He watched you smiling so gleefully in his arms, looking so radiant. When Simeon dipped his head down to kiss you, the moonlight poured in through the window as if blessing your union.

It was supposed to be him. If only he made it to your room sooner, it could have been him. Embracing all your beauty, being the cause of the shining smile. IT COULD HAVE BEEN HIM.

At his best

"Are you really that happy with him?" he asks you later that night. The blush on your cheeks and that cheeky smile says it all.

"Congratulations MC." You look so joyous even at the thought of Simeon, how could he ruin that?

His temper is worse, more unforgiving towards all his brothers. He has to bear with your absence in the house all day. The fact that he knows you're at Purgatory hall, sipping tea and arm in arm with him pains him to think.

You bring Simeon along to the council to help him too. He outright denies and asks both of you to leave.

He only ever feels calm to see you alone, but that is even rarer with his brothers around to hog his remaining time.

Eventually makes his peace with it, maybe you're better off with someone as pure as yourself than a demon like him.

At his worst

His wrath is back. It's almost bad enough to birth another Satan. His sense of entitlement is through the roof.

He snaps three weeks later when Simeon and you tell everyone about it and decide that you'll be moving to Purgatory hall soon. Everyone claps and rejoices while Lucifer, drunk off Demonus, crashes the fun.

"Simeon, you dirty cheat, pretending to be all pure with your white wings and devious smile. How dare you?!" He says in calm and deadly rage.

"Lucifer... what's wrong-" You approach him to ask. He looks at you and you see the little tears in the corners.

"MC WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MINE THAT NIGHT. MINE. NOT YOURS. THE ONLY BEING THAT CAME CLOSE ENOUGH TO STEAL MY HEART AND YOU TOOK HER AWAY FROM ME."

Lucifer was louder now, hysterically angry, throwing his glass on the floor. "AND I KNOW THEY WOULD HAVE PICKED ME IF I GOT TO THEM FIRST! I LOVED THEM TOO DAMNIT." Simeon stood in front of you to protect you from Lucifer's rage. You hid your face in your hands, breaking down in sobs. What is happening? Where did you go wrong?

"Look at them, Lucifer. Look. At. What. You've. Done. And don't tell you've forgotten how many times you've threatened their lives before." Simeon said, holding you tight as you cried into his chest. "How dare you still feel like you deserve them?"

Lucifer sees you broken down, clutching onto Simeon for dear life, crying. You were smiling just a minute ago what has he done? Simeon blocked off his view with his pearly white wings. A reminder of what Lucifer used to be and cannot be again.

Mammon: Asmodeus

You were his human. And he was your first demon. No one was more territorial about you than him. So he finally made up his mind to seal the deal. No more lying about his feelings. He was going to claim you, once and for all. He imagined you smiling and running your hands through his hair and kissing him returning his feelings.

"MC! I brought the movie of the day!" He barged into your room excited, but you were nowhere to be found. Where could you have gone? It was your movie night with him. You were supposed to be waiting for him inside. He asked his brothers and they said you were with Asmo. He stomped his way up to Asmo's room and called out your name. No response. Not till he peeked inside the dark washroom. You were holding Asmo who looked very unstable and weak, sitting at the side of the bath.

MC: Asmo why don't you listen to me when I tell you not to drink so much!?

Asmo: I'm sorry MC *hic* I needed it today...

MC: Why? What's so scary that you don't have the confidence to do sober?

Asmo: MC do you think I look beautiful?

MC: Of course Asmo, you always do.

Asmo: Even with my runny make up, red nose and swollen eyes and this horrible complexion?

MC: *grabs his face* You're always beautiful to me MC.

Asmo: I...I stopped sleeping around MC. I couldn't do it anymore. *tearing up* Because to them, I'm only beautiful with a perfect covered up face.

MC: Asmo...they're blind and shallow demons who don't know anything! I know you, and I know how much more beautiful you are inside out. Don't listen to them.

Asmo feeling insecure about his appearance? What a big fat lie. Is this his new ploy to get to you? How irritating. It's not going to work, Mammon knows you're smarter than that. The Avatar of Lust can manipulate in many ways. Surely his human was smart enough to see through that!

Asmo: MC, I knew you were the one only who truly loved me. And today, I found the one I love too. Much more than I love myself. So I needed a drink to tell you this.

MC: Asmo...

Asmo: *holding your face gently* MC you saw past this pretty face. You saw the things I do more than what I am. Or what I pretend to be. I know it's hard to believe coming from the Avatar of Lust... But MC, I truly really love you. *looks down and sobs* But you probably can't believe me right?

MC: Asmo. Look at me. *You run your fingers through his hair and he looks up with teary eyes* I believe you. And I've loved you too. You're the only one who never hurt me. The one who willingly made a pact with me. You've been so sweet to me since I came. How could I love anyone else?

Asmo: MC I want you all to myself. Will you be mine? Only mine? I swear I'll keep you happy always!

MC: Of course Asmo. I'll all yours. I'm your little human. *giggling and kissing his head*

Asmo: *grabs and kisses you* MC, if you want, I can be your actual first tonight.

Mammon fell to his knees. He wanted to barge in and scream. He wanted to wrestle Asmo to the ground. He wanted to break his face for saying the words that were special to him and you. But your response had him paralysed. You...accepted him. You agreed to be his.

Silent tears streamed down his face as he watched you embracing Asmo, peppering kisses all over his face, running your hands through his hair, laughing and frolicking in the water with him. The colored moonlight through the stained glass danced on their skin like a scene from his favourite movie.

At his best

He cries to himself for days. Spends as much time outside as he can.

Maybe he is an idiot for thinking he had a chance with him. How could he compete with Asmo's charms.

Maybe it hurt more because Asmo didn't even have to use his charms.

Only ever tries to talk to you if he's sure your alone. One time he barged into your room and caught you and Asmo tangled up together and it broke him all over again.

He watched as you twirled around in a new outfit Asmo bought. He scoffs. He could have bought it for you too.

You both look so cheerful and in love, he decides to accept it. For the sake of his little brother and the human he loves.

At his worst

Breaks down and lets his emotions out in the worst way possible. Too desperate to win you back somehow.

Asmo and you were just telling Solomon and Simeon about your relationship when Mammon barged in through the doors of Purgatory halls.

"MC look! Look what I got you!" He came in all ragged. He knelt down and pulled out a ring. "Take me instead! I was your first wasn't I MC? Don't let him take my place please!"

"Mammon no... No please don't be this way...I'm sorry..." You kneel down next to him as he screams and sobs like a child. You feel guilty. You caused this. You lead him on. You fight your own tears as you keep apologising.

Asmo yanks you up and wraps his arms around you, staring down angrily at Mammon. "Mammon, leave."

Mammon lunged at Asmo. "I was going to tell them. That night was our movie night. You stole that night from me. YOU STOLE MY CHANCE AND MY MC!"

Asmo mocked at him with a sardonic laugh. "You still assume MC is yours without even telling them. You kept lying about your feelings and hurting them in the process. And yet, when they finally look happy, you come and make them cry. You are a scumbag Mammon."

Mammon looked at your tear stained face, nestled inside Asmo's arms and wings. He really felt like nothing but a scumbag.

Leviathan : Belphegor

Levi fell in love with you since your first act of kindness. As a shut-in whose only conversations were with his own eccentric and dismissive brothers, you were an angel who had brought him the gift of true companionship. Honestly he was okay being your best friend, until the day he started craving more. So he decided it was time to tell you.

'MC come to my room! I have a new game to show you!' It was a virtual dating game where he was going to confess digitally. You always loved his creative ways of doing simple stuff after all. He decided to play your favourite game while waiting for you. He even left the door ajar. Now he wished he didn't.

Belphie: MC do you have a minute?

MC: Yeah I was just heading to Levi's room what's up?

Belphie: I think I fallen in love with you, MC.

MC: .... Huh?

Levi almost burst out laughing hearing Belphie's confession. What kind of a bland confession is that? How can someone say that so easily? No that was definitely a joke on MC or something. Surely MC wouldn't take this seriously.

Belphie: I had a dream just now. About you.

MC: Uh huh?

Belphie: In that dream, we were up in the sky, among the stars. And you looked so pretty glittering along with them all. So I kissed you impulsively. And you kissed me back.

MC: ...that's a sweet dream. *blushes*

Belphie: *takes your hand* I woke up and my first thougt was I wish that was real. And then I realised it can be.

MC: ...

Belphie: I want to be able to kiss you always. I want to be able to take you far away. I want all your time. I love you MC. Be mine.

MC: Belphie I-

Belphie: I know, how can you possibly love your own murderer...? *Sighs* I cannot undo what I did. I'm sorry MC. I can only swear that I won't ever let that happen again.

MC: *smiles and cups his face* You were locked away for 3 millenia I can imagine your endless anger and grief for your sister. I forgave you long ago.

Belphie: So does that mean you'll accept me?

MC: You're already mine, silly. And now I'm yours. You're the only one I can relax with in the whole realm.

Belphie: MC... Come here. *holds you close and kisses you*

Levi's game screen displayed the message "GAME OVER: You lose". Levi couldn't see it clearly. His vision was blurred by the tears brimming on his eyes. You and Belphie looked to distant shadows on the moon.

He blamed himself for even thinking he had a chance with you. But maybe just...maybe if he had gotten there before? He stared at the screen and then at his spare console that he had declared yours. He picked up it, and locked it inside. Probably won't be needing it anytime soon.

At his best

He barely comes out of his room anymore. He tries to return your smile at breakfast but then returns hurriedly, leaving Beel to finish most of his food.

"Are you sure you want to play games? Wouldn't you rather go up to the attic" He mutters under his breath sometimes and then says it's nothing when you ask him.

Pains him when he sees you curled with Belphie in random places, dozing off. Might cover you with a blanket. Just you though.

Spites Belphie. A lot of people have said they look and act alike. But somehow you like sleeping more than anime and gaming?

Just accepts it as his fate. Atleast he's still your best friend, right?

At his worst

He's called the Avatar of Envy for a reason. He can barely hold it in seeing the both of you together constantly.

Belphie you and Beel were having a jolly time watching a movie and eating snacks while Belphie slept curled up in your lap. Levi happened to walk in while you were rubbing Belphie's head soothingly.

For some reason, Levi couldn't hold it in anymore. "UGH YOU FUCKING NORMIES!" he screamed out of frustration.

Belphie woke up drowsily when you stopped at stared at Levi holding back tears in the doorway. "Levi..what's wrong.." you call out to him.

He barges in and pushes Belphie off you and grabs your hands, tears falling and him screaming. "Why do you care, MC?! I'm a just disgusting shut in otaku right?! But guess what even as that I do more than just sleep and drool all fucking day! AND MORE IMPORTANTLY ATLEAST IM NOT THE ONE WHO KILLED YOU! So why him? WHY NOT ME MC?!"

"Levi...no..." You plead with him to calm down, tearing up yourself. You should have known. You should have known this would happen.

Belphie violently pushed Levi off you and grabbed him by the collar. "You were the first one to attack MC in this house. And I'm sure you would have killed them if not for Lucifer. So stop pretending you're better than me, you ridiculous creep. A shut in like you is worthless. The only thing you're good at is making MC distressed."

Levi looked at you trying to pull Belphie back, tears streaming down your face and hung his head low. It was simply an Otome game and MC didn't choose him.

Satan: Solomon

Satan took his time to fall. With late night studying session, every cat cafe date, every trip to the museum - he fell more and more each time. To the point where he wanted to spend every waking moment with you. And he was ready to tell you.

For a whole week, he kept writing and scrapping the perfect love letter for you. Then he realised you were someone who preferred simple honesty. "MC please wait for me in the library I'll be there shortly." He'd said before he dashed out to bring a boquet of your favourite flowers and a book which reminded him of you. He'd almost made it to the library, he saw you waiting inside for him eagerly. That was until someone flew in through the window.

Solomon? What's he doing at this hour? Satan peeked in through the half open library door. He wanted to be alone with you so he'd wait till Solomon was gone. He shouldn't have waited.

MC: Solomon! You scared me silly!

Solomon: *laughing* Your face just now MC...so adorable! Like a scared kitten!

MC: You wooshed in through the window!

Solomon: Okay okay my bad. Now what are you doing in the library so late at night. I went to your room and couldn't find you.

MC: Oh Satan called me out here. Told me to wait for him. Maybe there's a new book he wants to read.

Solomon: Do you guys do that often? Reading books this late?

MC: Haha yeah usually we just read in my room or his at night, in case we fall asleep.

Solomon: *sigh* So unfair.

MC: What's unfair?

Solomon: You and I are the only humans here. Why did they put us in different houses? Shouldn't we... be together more often?

MC: Well logically yes we should. Just classes and magic lessons aren't enough! You should live here too!

Solomon: I doubt Lucifer would be okay with that. But well.. here's the real reason I'm here now. *brings out a little basket*

MC: That's...that's a kitten! Hi baby! What's her name!?

Solomon: MC.

MC: Yeah what?

Solomon: No I named the kitten MC. This way I get to call your name as much as I want haha. The silly things us humans do for love, huh?

Satan had a sick feeling in his stomach. Watching you and him sitting in the moonlight, surrounded by books, cuddling a kitten and confessing...that should be him. Him not Solomon. He didn't like where this was heading. But just like you can't help but stare at disaster - he couldn't look away. What was MC going to say...?

MC: Solomon... *blushes*

Solomon: Does my affection scare you? *reaches for your hand*

MC: Of course not...I.. *gets closer and intertwining your fingers together*

Solomon: Is this your way of showing-

MC: *blushes* Yes. I love you too.

Solomon: I believe I've lived for a 1000 years just to hear those words. *kisses you against the bookshelves*

MC: I believe you've gotten 1000 years worth of romantic lines stored away in that head of yours. *Laughs and kisses him back*

Solomon: Let's take this to the moon shall we?

Satan watched as he took you and kitten in his arms and flew out the window. Satan rushed in not wanting to lose sight of you, dropping the flowers and books. Balling his fists, he choked on his angry tears as he watched you both laughing and kissing against the bright light of the moon. He felt like his own happy ending was stolen from him.

When you disappeared from view, he let out a blood curdling scream, pulling at his own hair and knocking over the bookshelf against which Solomon kissed you. The wrath inside him made him thrashing around in pain, burning him inside out. The flowers he dropped, lay there next to his sobbing body, wilting in his pain.

At his best

He manages to put on his best fake smile and go about his day. Tries hard to hide his annoyance if you bring him up.

But you seem so happy and you often invite him to new cat cafes and shelters. So despite Solomon's presence, he feels calm because of you and the cats.

Is secretly happy you get to spend more time with him than Solomon. Takes advantage of that and hogs you all to himself while in the house

While he can't hold or kiss you the way the Solomon does, you're here next to him, reading his recommended books. That's enough to soothe his yearning heart.

At his worst

The war for love is on. He doesn't care if Solomon already won. He will still declare his love no matter what.

It started out as subtle, he did what he knew Solomon couldn't. Cooking MC's favourite dishes whenever it was his turn to cook.

Tries to subtly reinforce his intelligence over Solomon when you're around. What's 1000 years of knowledge worth, Satan has been there since the first millenia ever

But the day Solomon and you announced you'll be moving to Purgatory Hall, he charged at him, his demon form angry and glowing. "How dare you think you can take them away from us? You think you can win against us... against me? You may have taken my chance with them but I won't let you take them away! They belong here with me!"

You inched closer to Satan's form. You'd never seem him this angry. "Satan please calm down-" Satan wasn't listening. He let out a feral growl and attacked Solomon.

Solomon held MC by his side and made a protection shield Satan couldn't get through. You started crying, watching his wrath take over, he must be in so much pain.

Solomon felt you curl up against him in fear and guilt. Gritting his teeth, he grabbed Satan by the scruff of his neck, like you'd do with a misbehaving cat.

"You say you want to protect them and yet look what you did instead." Solomon said. Satan looked helplessly at you, crying with your face buried in your hands. Glancing at his horns in the mirror, he called out to you sadly, "MC..."

Solomon creeped closer and said in a deadly low voice. "You love fairy tales right Satan? Well in the story of Beauty and the Beast, they could only be together because the beast was actually a human." And Satan was far from being a human.

Asmo : Mammon

It happened the day Asmo looked into the mirror and felt something missing. Suddenly his own reflection wasn't enough anymore. He pondered what it was when you happened to walk into his room and hug him from behind. And then he found the missing piece. You. He simply had to make sure you would become a part of him now.

Now contrary to popular belief, he did get nervous while thinking of proposing. This man is all about lust and a little kid when it comes to love. It's a whole new emotion and he's unsure how to deal with it. With some advice from Satan's romance books he lights your room up with candles, groomed himself perfectly, waiting for you to return to your room. Only you don't come. "What's taking MC so long?!"

He headed out and found you in Mammon's room instead. Asmo saw in the reflection off the mirror, Mammon's shirt off and him lying on his front as you poured ointment over his scars.

Mammon: Oi MC please don't be so upset...

MC: You didn't deserve this. You didn't. I did.

Mammon: MC, not again.

MC: You took my punishment. You took the blame for the broken vase for my sake.

Mammon: I didn't want ya getting hurt ya stupid human!

MC: Don't be calling me stupid and then go off doing stupid stuff yourself! *cries*

Mammon: MC...no don't cry. Please I'm sorry.

MC: Don't apologize for this! Mammon you're too kind... You keep taking blame for others, and the others just UGH.

Mammon: I've gotten used to Lucifer's punishments, MC! I'm more used to it than my brothers so I can take it!

MC: .... You're such a sweet big brother. You can't stop protecting the people you love, can you?

Mammon: *turns around to lie on his back* Now you get why I need to protect ya, don't ya?

Asmo's eyes flew open as did yours. Mammon just confessed to you. Albeit indirectly, but really did. But he felt pity for his older brother. Sure he was caring and sweet sometimes, but mostly he was a thief and a scumbag who constantly gets into trouble. He didn't stand a chance against Asmo's charms.

MC: Mammon... You silly demon. I love you too. *Lays their head on his chest*

Mammon: *blushes and coughs* Of course ya love the Great Mammon, human!

MC: *smiles against his skin* Swear to me, you won't ever do that again else I will fight Lucifer myself!

Mammon: *smiles* He's attacked ya thrice and yer face still loses its colour whenver he's around and yet yer thinking of fighting him for my sake, MC?

MC: OF COURSE!

Mammon: But I don't want that. Ya did too much for all of us when ya sacrificed your life to bring Belphie back. I should know, I held ya in my arms. *Tears up* Ya know ye were smiling still?? So calm and undisturbed as if ya didn't care what happens to ya now that all the brothers are together?

MC: You caught me...

Mammon: And I never want to catch ya like that again, get that human!? I will be a good protector as I was meant to be.

MC: Mammon... you're far too kind to be a demon. *Kisses him and gets on top of him*

Mammon: *grips their arms and holds them close* Stay with me tonight.

Asmo watched as you nodded and took off your top and lay down over him again, your skins in gentle and intimate contact and you both wrap your arms around and you presses kisses onto each other. The moonlight danced on your entangled bodies.

He stared and stared, his insides burning with an alien feeling. He hadn't known envy till you came along. His signature move would be to call both of you out and suggest a threesome, but what you both seemed to have was impenetrable. And in the mirror where he saw your reflections, he couldn't see himself.

At his best

This demon had never known love. He might have if Mammon hadn't decides to confess that very night.

But who cares? What's done is done. It's time to root for the both of you. He still has his followers to turn to.

"Mammon finally confessed huh?" He asked jokingly. Until he saw you blush and nod.

"You both must have fun together huh?" He says with a dry laugh.

Your hugs and headpats still keep him going. He takes you buy new dresses knowing it's to impress Mammon instead.

Tries so hard to conceal his tears and tantrums around you. He doesn't want to lose the small part of you that he had left.

At his worst

He cannot stay home. The sight of you both together makes him irritated and stressed both very bad for his skin.

He drinks and parties uncontrollably, bringing home demons and succubi that always seem to resemble you.

One night, Lucifer had enough and caught him by the collar, forbidding him to go to his room. Asmo giggled until Mammon and you showed up.

He swiftly escaped Lucifer's grasp and lunged at you, holding your face between his trembling hands. You look at him closely, his make up was messier than usual, the cresent underneath his eyes was darker than usual.

"MC...look at me. Look at only me. Just for a little while." Asmo said and his eyes glowed. He'd turned on his charm on full force as he leaned into you for a kiss.

Mammon pushed him back and stood before you protectively. Asmo fell back, laughing like a maniac. "Stupid Mammon they are with you out of pity! How long do you think you can make them stay with that stupid brain and sub par beauty?"

You teared up and screamed, "Asmo stop saying things like that! You dont even know anything about him!" Mammon hugged you tight, trying to calm you down.

And then in a lowly growl he said, "Asmo don't let me see ya laying a finger on MC again. Ya would see how people really see ya if you learnt to look away from your own reflection!"

But Asmo did. He did look away from his reflection. He looked at you. Only you didn't look back at him.

Keep reading Pt. 2

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

"Tom Riddle effectively destroys the country from the inside out, which I believe was his true goal the entire time" (c) wait a second, so you think that he wasn't going to really take over or anything, just destroy the fuck out of w britain?

I have avoided this ask long enough.

I’ll start by saying that asking me about Tom Riddle is like staring down into a bottomless rabbit hole. We could travel down that path, but it is a dark and perilous journey, and by the end of it I will come out looking like the Mad Hatter.

It also requires a few prerequisites that you’re just going to accept as true (or else got off the crazy train here).

We know very little about Tom Riddle or Voldemort

What we do know of Tom Riddle comes to us from suspect sources

I’m just going to go out there and start with the basis that Tom is not crazy

Elaborating a little on number 1. We never actually see much of Tom Riddle or Voldemort directly. He’s a bit like Thanos in the MCU, or Palpatine in the first two movies of the Original Trilogy, he’s this looming threat that we pass by and glimpse every once in a while but never really get quality time with.

Generally, Voldemort makes an appearance in a moment of crisis.

He and Harry fight over the philosopher’s stone for Tom’s very survival. He and Harry fight over the diary for Tom’s very survival. He resurrects himself with Harry as a witness. We get those very strange dreams from Voldemort’s perspective (half of which we later learn are fabricated).

None of these really lend to our, or Harry’s for that matter, understanding of Tom Riddle. There’s too much going on, it usually happens far too fast, and there’s usually something Tom Riddle desperately wants or needs that eclipses all other concerns or else he has an audience.

This is part of the reason we get those Halfblood Prince pensieve lessons: Harry knows nothing of Tom Riddle and doesn’t understand him at all.

Which leads us, of course, to number 2, most of what we know about Tom Riddle comes from Dumbledore. I’ve talked about this before, so I won’t spend much time on it, but Dumbledore has a very clear agenda in relaying these memories to Harry. Dumbledore already has strong suspicions of what objects are horcruxes and where they’re located, he already has Snape as a very reliable agent to continue work when he’s gone, his job here is to convince Harry there is no path but suicide. And that involves portraying Tom Riddle as the most evil man who ever eviled, was born eviler than the antichrist, and will die eviler than the antichrist. 

Now, does this make Tom necessarily good or bad? No.

However, it does mean when Dumbledore tells us things like, “See, Harry, an impoverished child was upset when I lit all his belongings on fire! What a monster!” (especially given that, in a similar situation, Harry thought it was hilarious when Hagrid gave Dudley a permanent physical deformity and Harry was told he was an angel child) we should take it with a very large grain of salt.

Right, so, with all that backdrop what I’m getting at is that a) we can’t take Dumbledore at his word b) even if we could he could be wrong c) Harry doesn’t have the introspection to be able to figure himself when a or b is happening. I won’t elaborate on this last much, suffice to say that Harry’s world is very black and white, divided into the camps of those who personally like him and those who don’t.

So, why do I think Tom’s goal was not to rule the wizarding world but instead to destroy it?

A few things.

First, there are so many easier ways he could have ended up ruling the wizarding world. More, even when he effectively does rule the wizarding world in book seven, he takes very strange actions so that he’s never directly in power.

Second, I never really bought Tom’s racism. It’s too convenient and too contradictory with his backstory.

The second first, because we’re going out of order today. I’ve gone over this before, but I don’t believe Tom had minions early and I think he was effectively treated as a muggleborn (see here and here) until he took on the Voldemort persona many decades later. I’m hard pressed to believe someone as intelligent, angry, and proud as Tom Riddle would willingly believe and accept he was inferior to the likes of Abraxas Malfoy. More, even if he wished he was a halfblood, I think the evidence of him being muggleborn would be stacked too high against him to deny even to himself (and when he finds out it’s not true, he has maybe a month or so before he realized that he’s the bastard son of a squib). 

And it’s just so convenient. All the people with the power, with the money, who are itching for a cause against a threat that doesn’t really exist believe in blood purity. Ergo, Voldemort shows up suddenly espousing over the top blood purity rhetoric (rhetoric that directly clashes with his “there is only power” philosophy at that). 

In other words, I think Tom Riddle gave himself a line that he knew would get him places very quickly.

And now for the first. For a guy who has had the entire country in the palm of his hands twice, one time taking it over in a bloodless coup, he’s really big on causing collateral damage and really small on actually doing the ruling thing.

The first wizarding war, Tom Riddle as Voldemort has the backing of the heirs of the most prestigious and wealthy noble houses save a select few. These are people with seats in the Wizengamot, which has a frightening control over the government itself (including the minister of magic). I imagine, in 1980 had Tom Riddle wanted to be elected as Minister of Magic, he would have been elected as Minister of Magic. If he wanted a friendly face in office then he probably could have made that happen to.

More than even this though, by this point, Tom had already won. By having control over the majority of the Wizengamot he owns the government. He’s done, it’s over, it’s finished, and many of the characters admit as much which is why Harry Potter was such a miracle. So why all the seemingly random, exceptionally pointless, terrorism? 

One answer is that Voldemort is crazy bananas. And sure, I guess we can go with that, except for someone insane he’s oddly effective and very consistent. 

I believe Tom was systematically destroying the very foundations of the country through its core aristocratic families. Within a few short years Tom decimates the Black family, it goes from having five heirs to none, and while some of this isn’t Tom’s fault he does take care of quite a few of them. He brands Lucius for life, while Lucius rises high in politics he never escapes the stigma of being a known Death Eater and in the end cannot escape the consequences for his actions. The Malfoy family is very nearly destroyed by the end of the series, had Draco died in the Fiendfyre. The LeStrange family, presumably decimated as well.

More, this is mostly me headcanoning, but I imagine Tom fuels an extremism that the Wizarding World had never contemplated. I imagine, previously, anti-muggleborn sentiment was probably fairly rampant among purebloods. Oh, some were very pro-muggleborn I’m sure, but I think most were fairly “eh” on the people and felt they were a drain on society (such as requiring constant funding for the obliviation department).

However, when Diagon Alley starts getting blown up every other week, when muggleborns start being tortured and murdered, when purebloods who aren’t anti-muggleborn enough are being tortured and murdered, this starts wigging people out in a way they’ve never wigged out before.

By the time we get to Harry Potter’s canon, it is now only a minority that are anti-muggleborn, and they’re perceived as raving lunatics. Nobody wants to be grouped with these people. Which, just goes to show, how much Voldemort rattles the wizarding world in a very small amount of time.

Then there’s Deathly Hallows, rather than become minister himself Voldemort installs a puppet minister. He shows no signs of wishing to change this and instead does things like destroy the sorting hat (which again shakes the very foundations of the wizarding world as whta will we do if we don’t know who’s a Gryffindor anymore?!)

So, where is this ramble going?

Given the results we see, that more than any others it seems to be the purebloods and often Tom’s own followers that suffer colossal losses, I think Tom’s actions are, in part, a means of vengeance against the entire damn wizarding world (but especially the purebloods).

He makes fools of these people, brands them as his slaves, and has them participate in the most over the top ridiculous rituals (the cloaks, the masks, the entire theatrics of it feels like Tom got drunk one night and planned this whole thing out). He destroys them entirely, and better, enables them to completely destroy themselves and the country they believe they’re trying to save.

Basically, I think by the time the series begins Tom is fueled by a nihilist rage that knows no bounds. But dammit all, the wizarding world is going to burn.