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kmlaney · 7 months ago

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WIP questionnaire

tagged by @coffeewritesfiction and I am so sorry to take this long on a reply. Thanks for the tag!

Tagging @fallenscintilla (if you want! No pressure!) and @waywardwizzard and anyone who wants to!

1. What is the first part of your WIP that you created?

The very first line was: “D’ya think I care how it tastes?” I posted an edited version here. There's a snip of the original here.

For the record, it started as a character background for a TTRPG. In fact, it wasn’t even going to be the character I was going to play. Harrowed (undead/revenant) gunfighter? *eyeroll* Too cliché. I even made a homebrew archetype to play: a “spiritualist” in the late 1800’s sense. But that first line kept bugging me so I figured, okay. Fine. I’ll write this one scene and then work on my spiritualist.

Yeah. No. I never played the spiritualist.

2. If your story was a TV show, what would the theme song/intro be?

I did all the fan stuff for Phil and Skyfallen, like playlists, faceclaims, all of that. I never did that before. I selected music for the theoretical TV show: main theme, a rotating list of outro/credits roll music, pieces for certain kinds of scenes. So if Skyfallen were a TV series, this would be the theme:

youtube

3. What are your favorite characters that you made? Why?

That’s like asking which of my pets was my favorite. I love them all. I guess I loved Phil enough to make them the viewpoint character. They’re a more-mature version of the kind of character I wrote when I was a kid, now with serious problems I can explore as an adult. I like Phil’s father, whom I was determined to fridge in the beginning because fridging is usually a female character. Ha Ha! Then I went and gave him a character arc that could only end in his death so he’s not fridged after all.

I like Travelling Sam for being a conniving, money-grubbing jerk, but he’s fun to write. I like Eva as Carnival Mom; Maury for being a flamboyant, fun-to-be-around person hiding a serious drinking problem that everyone knows about. I like Doc Butcher for his name, for actually being trained as a vet but caring about everyone, and trying to do his best when he’s in over his head because he can’t do nothing.

I like Maker Lewis for his change of heart, though he was already on the fence and just needed a shove. And I like Miss Warren for being a nosy reporter whom Phil doesn’t want to like but ends up liking anyway. She also lets me play at muckraking reporter. Choosing words to specifically slant a piece is a load of fun.

4. What other pieces of media do you think your fan base would share?

Skyfallen has its roots in Westerns, so people who like cinematic westerns are a potential fanbase. I include horror, steampunk, and gothic elements, so if your venn diagram of interests includes those things then it might be for you.

Things I like that influenced or feel like this story: Silverado, The Magnificent Seven, RIPD 2 Rise of the Damned (movies. I hate to admit that last one but it was fun). Deadlands (TTRPG game. I created Phil for this setting). The Dark Tower novels--primarily Wizard and Glass but any of the parts dealing with Roland’s world.

There is zero romance. Phil’s ace, there is no main love interest, and anyone who gets together does so very off-screen.

5. What has been your biggest struggle with your WIP?

When writing the draft, the individual scenes flew out of my brain. I could hardly write them fast enough. In deep editing, though, it’s the big-picture stuff I find challenging. Which themes do I want to emphasize and which are less important? Do I really need all this buildup or should I start later? I need to show certain things so the later ones make sense, but that makes it even longer. It’s already very long; shouldn’t I be cutting things down? Argh. It's frustrating.

6. Are there any animals in your story? Talk about them!

There are animals. Most are utilitarian: Horses, dogs, cats, chickens, cows. There are monsters also (for certain values of “monster”) all along the continuum from “non-sapient animal” through to “self-aware human intelligence.”

The way they figure into the story is more interesting. In life, Phil liked animals in general and had a special fondness for horses and mules. After dying and coming back reanimated, animals can’t stand to be around them. Phil doesn’t figure it out right away, and it hurts when they do.

7. How do your characters get around? (Ex. Trains, horses, cars, dragons, etc.)

For the area the characters are in for the bulk of the story, most people walk, ride horses, or ride in wagons, carts, or coaches pulled by horses or teams of horses. There are a couple of trains but they are rare. In other areas, trains are common, as are ferries and lake boats. Airships exist; they are novelties and considered simultaneously luxurious and dangerous. In larger cities, along with the horse-drawn vehicles, people have bicycles, rickshaws, pedal-powered rickshaws, and palanquins. Automatons in a variety of configurations may be subbed in for horses or people in any of those conveyances.

8. What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

I’ve identified some specific foreshadowing that needs to happen. So I need to add that in. There are a few names that aren’t consistent; they’re flagged so I can fix them. I need to put in a few encounters so later ones make sense. It’s not exactly foreshadowing so much as worldbuilding. So editing stuff.

9. What aspects (tropes, maybe) of your WIP do you think will draw people in?

I have a hard time identifying tropes in my work, probably because I’m in the trees, so to speak, and can’t see the forest. Or groves, to push the metaphor. Having said that, here’s an attempt:

Portal/isekai

Found family

Unlikely group of heroes

Humans can be evil; monsters can be sympathetic

Religion, Magic, and cults

Monsters dwelling among humans

Enemies to not-friends (don’t push your luck)

Things get worse

Everyone has secrets

Lost memories, memory tampering

Weird West

Steampunk and Gothic Horror

Gunslinger/trick shot

Noble Demon/antihero

Good is not nice

I did come up with one of those taglines that you might see on the bottom of the cover of a book:

“Every Skyfallen has something they want to forget. And everyone in the Mistlands is Skyfallen.”

10. What are your hopes for your WIP?

Originally I was hoping for traditional publishing. I might still try to go that way. I’m also looking into self-pub, and websites that host serial stories. I think this story fits better into a serial format than a traditional book format. I need to make it more coherent (hence editing phase)

#kmlaney writes #kmlaney characters #kmlaney answers #All About my WIP #bad luck phil #mistlands #skyfallen #writing #coffeewritesfiction #fallenscintilla #Youtube

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adultswim2021 · 9 months ago

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Paid Programming: "Icelandic Ultrablue" | November 3, 2009 - 4:30AM | Infomercials

At this time I was a very diligent Adult Swim recorder. The idea that the network might, at any time, air something weird caused me to record entire blocks, “just in case” on my TiVo. I would then scan through everything and save anything that looked interesting or novel to a DVD-R. For a short time, I archived bumpers as completely as I could.

I would also pour over schedules and look for anything that seemed out of the ordinary. I can’t say this with certainty, but I feel like I must’ve seen “PAID PROGRAMMING” on a schedule or maybe on my TiVo program guide and thought “wait, Adult Swim doesn’t air PAID PROGRAMMING usually. I wonder if that’s going to be something?” And so, I recorded Paid Programming and, eventually, I watched it, and a few minutes in I heard what was clearly David Cross’s voice and thought “oh, okay. I get it. He’s trying to do something here.” And that was roughly how I’ve felt about this ever since.

This one is fairly auspicious for the fact that it's technically the first entry into Adult Swim’s celebrated (but wildly hit-and-miss) “Infomercials” series. The concept was that people watching at home would see “PAID PROGRAMMING” in their cable guide while flipping around and, of course, they’d turn right to it, awaiting an earnest infomercial trying to sell them the Phillips CD-I or something like that. But instead of that, you get something CRAZY and WEIRD and HILARIOUS! Is this crazy and weird and hilarious? Well, I guess those descriptors are in the eye of the beholder. But since this blog is about my beholding eye, I will answer: “nah, not really”.

The content is, roughly: an infomercial for what appears to be a miracle drug, whose applications are somewhat vague, other than it making you feel better or solving whatever terrible personal problem you have. This is hosted by a “doctor” (admittedly he’s just dressed as a doctor, and refers to his experience as “36 years” ”spent hanging out in the medical community”), who eventually introduces a jingle contest for the wonder drug. This leads into clips of various entries, which eventually leads to a video of the producer of the most professionally produced entry talking about the importance of air-filtration while producing music. This leads to an extended pitch for the Icelandic UltraBlue air-filtration system, which is illustrated with a cartoon where good air particles round up bad air particles in an over-the-top, Nazi holocaust-esque cartoon.

This is roughly how the rest of the show plays out: a commercial for one aspect of the Icelandic UltraBlue empire suddenly turns into a different commercial, usually for a different iteration of Icelandic UltraBlue. The previous sketch segues into a sketch about a cash-for-Nazi-gold place, which segues into a sketch about a medical office that specializes in removing splinters (the owner of this establishment casually wears a diaper, and it’s treated as a very normal thing. It’s one of two times I laughed), which segues into a commercial for an embalming fluid that keeps your beloved’s remains fresh for up to three months after passing, so you can continue hanging out with their corporeal form. This segues back into a jingle entry, which turns into a sketch about chest-rash cream set at a gay guy bar. There’s gross zoom-ins, awkward acting, macabre premises, sexual inappropriateness, transgressive invocations of touchy subjects, and, uh, well? Maybe two laughs. If you’re wondering what the other, non-diaper-related one was, it was the racial slur. I’m sorry.

The problem is, this very much feels like the writers (David Cross and H. Jon Benjamin) are trying very hard to approximate Tim & Eric’s entire carefully cultivated style of humor. The casting of awkward, borderline-amateur actors, the jokes about consumerism, the attention to verisimilitude, etc. There’s a little more Mr. Show-style satire thrown in, but the entire thing comes off as a pale imitation of either or both of those things. If one can glean a set of objectives from creating this (other than “it’s called PAID PROGRAMMING and it’s gonna MESS with people, man!!”) one could also easily observe Tim & Eric accomplishing those things much better, in a less forceful way.

The casting in particular is far less inspired than Tim & Eric’s; it runs the gamut of people who either seem like they themselves are trying to imitate pre-existing characters from Tim & Eric’s wack pack or at worst seem like they were poached from a low-level UCB class. Not that Tim & Eric are exactly pure in their intentions with their cast of “outsiders”, I sense more mean-spiritedness in hiring some guy, calling his character “Fatfuck” and having him wear a diaper.

This was retroactively deemed the first episode of “Infomercials”; a proof-of-concept that, for my money, exemplifies the worst aspects of the “miss” installments in the “hit and miss” tapestry of the Infomercials milieu. Wow, what a great, non-pretentous sentence I just wrote. Anyway, it feels especially pathetic to me that David Cross had previously put Mike Lazzo on blast for taking the concept of Paid Programming and running with it. I too, would feel wronged, but feigning any kind of pride over this is, well, I already used the word pathetic. But it’s pathetic.

David Cross is a person who I still respect and think can be brilliant. I even watched a few of his new video podcasts on YouTube. It was nice, like checking in on an old friend. Cross is one of those guys who, when many people discover him and become fans, seems impossibly funny and almost infallible. The more you become familiar with the whole package, the more you realize that he’s a pretty regular guy, who is capable of turning out bad work. He’s also not a particularly friendly person, and can rub people the wrong way very easily. I am not trying to damn him here; I find him to be uncomfortably relatable. Many of his flaws are also my flaws. I should basically be best friends with him. Unless he reads this, that is.

An illustrative example of his humor to me is the embalming fluid sketch. In it, a man uses it on his wife, who dies of a splinter. They both lay in bed, and he takes her hand, puts it in under the covers, and uses it to jack himself off with. I’m not knocking it for any other reason that I just found it to be not particularly funny; it’s an easy vulgar laugh.

A sketch from Mr. Show featured a similar gag; a riff on the song Monster Mash about a guy who is working through a traumatic mental breakdown from experiencing this horrifying monster party. While he’s confessing some sexual encounter or something, we cut to an “expert” who has been seen in talking-head segments watching this footage, furiously masturbating. I recall Cross proudly inserting this joke into the sketch, noting the big laugh it gets from the studio audience, despite apprehension from the other writers. Even as a teenager, I remember seeing that and thinking “I could do without that joke”. It’s too easy, and it just makes ME want to masturbate.

The episode ends (after a sketch set in a gay bar that already felt stale in 2009) with the “doctor”/host ominously talking into a wrist microphone that “phase one is complete”, and then it cuts to a “To Be Continued”. I reread the back-and-fourth between Cross and Lazzo, and he actually does mention his plans for the series arc: it’s aliens. Cool!

I don’t mean to minimize the Lazzo-theft accusations or imply that they aren’t valid. I also don’t mean to imply that David Cross is completely in the right, either. If I were in either of their shoes I’d feel like the other guy was slinging at least a little bit of bullshit at me. Cross’s specific gripe is that he pioneered the concept of airing the thing at 4AM with a deceptive title, which does make a little sense. Lazzo’s defense is tenuous at best, and sorta clouds that main issue.

But, I don’t know. It does sorta seem like the kind of idea a lot of people have had, but then deemed impractical. I’m sure other people have thought “wouldn’t it be cool to air a parody infomercial at the time actual infomercials air?” I guess I can’t think of anything else that’s really done that. The closest I could come up with were tongue-in-cheek infomercials that behaved like parodies of infomercials, but actually were unironically selling something. In 2003, The Ben Stiller Show came out on DVD, and they produced an infomercial called “Wake Up Your Smile”. The Beastie Boys did one in 1998 for Hello Nasty. Mystery Science Theater did one in 1996 hawking their mail-order VHS tapes. Hell, Adult Swim did actually produce an infomercial for Williams Street records, as noted on this blog. It sorta seems like the ingredients were all right there, man. You know?

Mr. Show did a fake infomercial too, as a best-of special for season one. Damn. I guess David Cross really did invent this shit.

MAIL BAG

handbananad writes:

I am so genuinely sorry you're stuck in titan maximum hell. At least it's almost over? Is it almost over? Was this one of those early 2000's shows with a 40 episode season and you're going to be here forever?

Thank you. The show is only 9 episodes (including a half-hour first episode), so that's a silver lining. But yeah, it feels much longer. But it is nice having a show that I can outwardly hate and gloss over defiantly. It also makes me appreciate Robot Chicken more, which is tough to do.

On the other hand, I'm real glad to be watching Venture Bros, but those write-ups are much more demanding. What's a blogger with readers in the single-digits to do?

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #paid programming #icelandic ultrablue

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monstersinthecosmos · 11 months ago

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(diff anon) i'd love to hear about what aspects of the fic you mentioned were formative to your own writing style! you're my favorite fic author of all time and i'm truly obsessed with everything you've written like. sorry if i sound like a creep LOL i literally got into VC so i could read your VC fics dude. you're amazing!!!

Dsgasd oh my goddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

First of all, thank you LOL. That’s so kind to say!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But also I feel a little silly like citing this fic as teaching me all these lessons about writing when they are things I am still very much practicing and always trying to achieve; I do not feel I’ve reached the level of The Epic RE Fic That I Idolize but weirdly enough I don’t think my VC fics are really great examples of the things I’m about to point out, since they’re all one shots and silly little smut scenes. I think I’ve carried the RE advice to my Sheith fics in a more meaningful way!!!!!!!! I think my Sheith fics are better samples of my writing and more complete stories that I’m trying to tell!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes I wonder how random it is, like, I don’t think this is the BEST FANFIC EVER WRITTEN but it found me at a particular time. Maybe I could have learned these lessons somewhere else. Like there are a few other fics that I treasure deeply that gave me lightbulb moments about writing and it’s like, are they extremely unique? Or did I just find them when I found them? Did they just have the honor of being the first? Idk. But something about this fic is like, it left so many impressions on me in such a formative way that I still think about, and as I’ve gotten older and better at writing and as I become more able to articulate my tastes, I’m still always comparing back to it. And in the years since I’ve read like several million fanfics and I think I’ve developed a sense of what I know that I DON’T like, as well, which dictates to me what I would like to avoid as a writer, and even those things are like in direct opposition to this fic! So like. It just always comes back to this one for me, and maybe if I’d been in different fandoms it would’ve been some other incredible fic, but it happened at this place & time and it is what it is!!!

And for a long time I’ve cited it as my favorite book??????????? Like I do have favorite BOOK books, as well, but. This feels like it’s my favorite book lol. And I think it’s important for fic writers to have that because fanfic writing is a very different medium from original writing, and like a lot of what I like about this fic is SO specific to fanfiction writing in a way that doesn’t apply to writing in general.

But. Here’s some takeaways from the fic that really like created a blueprint for what I like in fics and gave me like the ultimate writing goals of how I would want my fics to be (and I’m still trying to get there!!!) !!! AND IM TRYING REALLY HARD NOT TO WRITE A NOVEL MYSELF I’M TRYING TO KEEP IT SUCCINCT WISH ME LUCK.

(sorry, I did, in fact, write a fucking novel okay i just love this fic so much 😭)

BIG THICC CHAPTERS

So just for the record every time I talk about this fic, it’s actually a duology of TWO FUCKIN FICS!! The first is like 311k and the second is 312k !!!!!!!!!!! That’s 600+ k’s! !!!!!!!!!!!

And to set the stage for you, I was 15 when this fic came out, and I was reading it like chapter to chapter. It’s 23 chapters and I think it was published up to 17 or 18 when I first binged it, so after that I was like reading every update. If I recall it was like ILLEGALLY on FF.net and survived the original purge but got caught later and taken down, so the author had moved updates to a personal website, and would alert everyone about updates with a fucking email list. It was the wild west out there okay.

BUT WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS FIC IS THAT THE CHAPTERS ARE LIKE AROUND 15K ON AVERAGE? It’s a nice thicc update. So the update days felt so special. It wasn’t like a bullshit 2k update that you can read in 10 minutes, it was like a nice event to sit down to.

I don’t even try to like set wordcount goals on my fics because like, one of the WHAT NOT TO DO lessons I’ve learned from reading several million fics is like, I really, really, really hate when authors fluff the wordcount with bullshit just to have the number. Like there was a super popular fic in one of my fandoms a few years back that I ALMOST had this experience with because every chapter was like 20-30k and it took me all morning to read on a day off and I was trying so hard to enjoy it but like so much of the body of text was just NONSENSE and like, wasn’t adding to the story at all, was repeating events that JUST HAPPENED in the form of clunky exposition to remind us, and I just felt like the author was trying to be like The Biggest Bestest Writer w/ the Longest Fic and it was just fucking excruciating. LOL. Eventually the updates became exhausting and I wound up skimming them :(. So. I don’t ever want to set that trap for myself.

But the RE fic taught me like, to think about stories (and chapters) as the sequence of events you want to convey, and give them space to breathe! I don’t want to just drop chapters on AO3 because I came to a dramatic stopping point, and I don’t want to just fill my page because I’m antsy to get engagement. I want to actually share stories that are patient and take the time to say what they want to say. And like as a 15 year old when I read this fic for the first time I was VERY MUCH the type of undiagnosed ADHD millennial who had bullshit random ideas and posted 1k at a time of WHATEVER and my page was a MESS. And I just think like, this fic taught me in a huge way to be patient and think about pacing, think about how I’m splitting the parts of the story apart, what makes this bit a “chapter”. It encouraged me a lot to like, think about the long game of how many scenes belong together in one update, vs splitting them into chapters, how to use that effectively, to be patient and not just publish every fucking little milestone just because I finished something and want to share it. LOL. Like just, be patient, write a nice thicc chapter, give it space to breathe, let the readers get through a cup of tea or have a lazy morning inside with it.

Just be PATIENT.

PACING!!!

And the PACING. The way the SLOW BURN builds!

First of all this fuckin fic slow burns you in like SEVERAL DIRECTIONS and when I tell you it is BRUTAL. A lot of this has to do with the canon it’s working with (I’ll talk about this more in a bit) and I don’t want to get too in the weeds with canon details but like the fic is a novel of pre-canon backstory, so like. IT’S THE SUSPENSE VS SURPRISE THING RIGHT? Like, I’m slow burning for usual reasons like waiting for them to work out the mutual pining and fuck already, but also!!!!!!!!! The TENSION waiting for canon stuff to happen!!!!!!!!

Because !!!!! I’ll just tell you right now!!!!!!!! ONE OF THEM FUCKING DIES IN THE GAME OKAY. So this entire time is this investment into a ship where YOU KNOW HE’S GOING TO FUCKING DIE LOL. And like the timeline of the fic takes place over 20 years so it’s covering so much ground and history between them and every update you get closer and closer to the events of the game and it’s just ahdskjglads EXCRUCIATING LOL.

You also know from the game that one of the characters (Birkin) is married and has a child, so like, you slow burn on them hooking up, and THEN you slow burn on “oh god what’s going to happen why does he wind up with a wife this is awful something terrible is going to happen” and then WHEN IS HE GOING TO DIE I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS.

But the fic covers such a huge expanse of story and does such a great job just pacing out all these events, and this also goes to being patient and writing thicc chapters. And it kind of weaves in and out of major events, like there are times the text will just straight up time skip like “Two years passed like this” and other times we like stay very focused on a month or two of important things. And it just feels that everything that gets space and attention moves the plot, everything has a purpose. (Ironically I could have learned this from VC and it's very obvious that the author was a VC fan for a few reasons I'll spare you because this post is too long already and even drops an IWTV joke at one point LOL) [BUT I GUESS READING IT IN A FIC MADE IT FEEL MORE ACCESSIBLE IDK like I learned a lot from Anne Rice but I also don't really want to write like her so I never idolized her prose too literally. I think it maybe is more obvious with a blunter author who cuts to the point LOL.]

EVEN THE SMUT okay like, because, they finally fuck lol, and like, TO ME PERSONALLY I don’t like when slow burns culminate in one fucking smut scene and then it never happens again lmao. I like it when like, the dam breaks and we get a plethora of smut. And this fic is a little tricky because there’s a stretch in the middle WITHOUT smut when they’re having issues around Birkin’s wife hahaha but like. For the most part, once they fuck, there’s at least some smut in each chapter, and it’s never random!!!!!!!!!!!! The plot of the fic is so intertwined with these specific smut scenes, especially bc they imply that like, the ship is fucking 5x a week LOL. So the scenes that we actually get are like, yknow, their first time, or the first time they don’t use a condom, the first time they have make-up sex, the first time they say I love you. You know??? It feels so strategic. I love it!!!!!1

Don’t get me wrong because I’m a big fan of PWPs also LOL but like I really really adore longfics and slow burns that use smut this way, too. There’s room for everybody and all types of porn, so it’s all good LOL but like I really would love if I could write like this and I think about it a lot when I try to plan my fics and it’s something I’m really trying to work on. Smut for the sake of smut is excellent but it’s also just a really fun bonus if there’s like, porn meta lol.

And even like, going back to pacing and time shifts, it’s so graceful !!!!! I feel like I get stuck on transitions a lot in fic, like how to do time skips, and I always go back to this fic to remind myself it’s okay to just go “It was a week later when –” like it’s so simple! So easy! Just do it!

UNAPOLOGETIC EVIL CHARACTERS

Again without getting into the weeds on Resident Evil canon, this is a love story between the two VILLAINS and like. THEY’RE AWFUL PEOPLE LMAOOOO. Some of it is like tropey fake sociopath stuff that we see in fiction, like, I wonder if someone this evil is even capable of loving anything, but it’s KINDA NICE YKNOW like it’s romantic that they cause mass death and their city eventually has to be nuked to stop their virus from spreading even more but they couldn’t give less of a fuck about the 100k+ casualties because all they care about is each other. 😊

And it’s written in such a raw way that honestly I feel like I don’t really see anymore? This could be because the fandoms I read these days don’t really have characters like this, but. For example! When Birkin winds up in a marriage of convenience with this woman, he just slowly devolves into being such a horrific misogynist because he resents her so much? And he’s so unfulfilled as a closeted gay man and fuckin hits her and stuff when he’s frustrated?

Like he’s UNLIKABLE, he’s HATEABLE, so much of the conflict in the story is HIS OWN FAULT and he’s just an awful fucking person, and the text isn’t shy about it! Even writing his POV it’s like, “he couldn’t look at her without losing his appetite” and “it disgusted him to think about her sloppy vagina” LOL it’s just!!! So incredibly raw and messy and honest.

I’m even guilty of shying from things like that in my fics because, while I adore whump, I also think about my stories as fantasy spaces, and I don’t often want to bring real world harm into them. I think a lot of fandoms have this, like this established fanon space where we write fics where there’s no homophobia, for example. I don’t see a lot of fics anymore about coming out, or being closeted. They’re around!!! But I think I used to see them a lot more 20 years ago because the generation of writers were struggling with it so much more, maybe.

Again, maybe just the fandoms I write and read for, idk. Like VC doesn’t feature homophobia in canon, VLD takes place in the future and it doesn’t come up, YOI is like a fantasy world and the creator even said that homophobia doesn’t exist there. So yeah idk like. I have read fics like this, they’re out there, it just doesn’t feel very common, and it’s especially uncommon to take that direction of portraying the blorbo as a misogynist and spousal abuser, you know?

BUT !

I LOVE IT because, you’re still rooting for them LOL. Like, Birkin punches his wife and complains about her sloppy vagina and I’m like YEAH GET BACK TO WESKER! GET SOME DICK! Like it WORKS because I’m on his side LOL. It’s just a really interesting exercise in characterization and like, how to still like people in the text who are just completely awful that you’d never forgive in a million years if they were real.

I’m sure this is around in like Kylux or something, this has gotta still be a thing in other fandoms LOL, I just personally don’t see it a lot. Even VC fandom could be better at this, you know. 😊 Make them scumbags !!!

SMUT PHYSICALITY

There’s something really funny about how the smut is written and it’s like. At a glance I always think it’s just outdated because like we’ve collectively all nailed down some better vocab for smut that I see these days LOL but also it feels meta because the two characters are like evil scientist sociopaths so everything is sort of clinical and dry. Like there’s a lot of rectums and anuses and penises LOL. And it always makes me chuckle a little when I reread until I get re-acclimated.

But what I think it kinda does brilliantly is it zooms out and like shows so much structure and choreography for the smut. So like. I’m really glad that this fic was so important to me as a teen because I hadn’t written a TON of smut and really started writing it a lot after coming back to writing fic in my late twenties after a really long break, and I’m just really grateful to have this foundation because it made me think about the bones of a smut scene so much. Nowadays I think fandoms and smut writers have collectively bounced vocab off each other and we’ve like osmosis hiveminded so much great technique for smut writing and I’m so glad that smut scenes are so much more stylish and sensual these days but it’s nice to have this foundation too and to come back to like, how people move and what they’re doing beneath all the sleek words.

THE EXPANSION OF CANON !!!!!!1

I’m still, 20 years later, so goddamn impressed with how this author was able to expand canon the way they did??????????

Because like, if you’ve never played Resident Evil, these two characters are NPCs and villains, and in Resident Evil most of the canon information is delivered to you via documents. Like you explore areas and find documents laying around or find people’s journals and you read them and that’s where all the world building and exposition and clues are taught to you.

So like, we know these two worked for Umbrella in the 70s because there’s a photo of them outside the building in the 70s. We know the names of their coworkers because we find a lab report signed by someone named Ross.

Like, in any fandom we’ll have these bits of pre-canon or backstory that are delivered in crumbs, but WOW IS THIS FIC GLUED TOGETHER WITH FUCKING CRUMBS. And the amount of research the author did on like SCIENCE LOL is so ?? idek how accurate it is or if they’re just bullshitting but I BUY IT LOL it feels right, feels natural while you’re reading, makes perfect sense! Because there’s so much about like the work they’re doing in the labs, and like details about the projects, etc.

Just, going back to pacing, it’s incredible how many subplots the author wove together to like fill twenty years of time. For example, in canon, we meet Wesker in the first game where he’s a rat inside the police department running a special ops team, and by the end of the game you find out he’s worked for Umbrella the entire time and is delivering you to be slaughtered so that they could get combat data. So in the fic there’s like, the whole section about how Wesker decides to start this special ops team and put in the time to pose as a cop, and how he actually has to do police work !!!!!!! And he solves bizarre murders!!! And does paramilitary training !!!! And it’s such a great section of the fic and I love it!

Like there’s just so much thought to using canon as a framework and like finding all these spaces to uncover and fill with your own ideas. Even giving Wesker and Birkin family histories, which we never get in the games! Wesker has a whole fucking family! His sister is a fleshed out OC in the fic that shows up a lot and she’s amazing! I love her!!!

It just feels so much like the SPIRIT of fanfic to me and what I like to see, what types of things I like to think about when I’m like in blorbo hell. I DO think about all these uncovered spaces and want to know more. I want to know everything! I have to make these decisions as a writer! I want to make up headcanons about people’s families and histories so that I have that point of reference when I’m writing, even if I never have the chance to reveal it in the fic itself!!!

I like when canonverse fics pay this much attention to detail and feel PLAUSIBLE. It just really inspires me as a challenge to see how plausible I can make fics!!!!!!! Some people like face canon and walk backwards into hell lol but I really enjoy this as a creative exercise and this fic like really showed me how much you can make up while still be so plausible!!!!!! And it deepens my enjoyment of the source!!!!! Because I re-play the games and I'm like OH THIS IS THE ROOM WHERE SUCH&SUCH HAPPENED, THIS MUST BE WHERE THEY HAVE THAT ARGUMENT OFF SCREEN, etc.

AND ALSO LIKE THE THING THAT FUCKS ME UP SO MUCH is that the first fic was written after CODE: Veronica so it covers like the timeline up until that game, and then they have the entire fucking 312k sequel that came out before Resident Evil 4 so they were out of canon to use AND JUST MADE SOME SHIT UP!!!!!!!!!!11 And to this day I prefer how the fic went over canon LMFAO. This fic is my actual Resident Evil canon, bye!!!

But it was so rich and layered, so well paced, so thicc and fulfilling, so thoughtful !!!!!!!! So well written! It’s incredible how these two fics are like a pre-canon AND post-canon fic, like that’s so much thought work to do about THE THING, you know? I fucking admire it so much!!!!!!!!!!

Gosh.

AND ANYWAY BONUS POINT ABOUT ADULTS IN FANDOM

Reading this fic at 15 I was so impressed with like the worldly references and point of view and life experience of the writer and I kept thinking “wow this writer must be a fucking grown up” LOL and like, I don’t think fandom spaces were as segregated by age back then and it wasn’t so uncommon for adults & minors to mingle in the same space because no one gave a shit, but I do know that the friends I made were usually around my age because we gravitated towards each other, and it always gave me the impression that the fandom was like all high schoolers. And especially like once FFnet did the purge and we were sharing on LJ more it’s like, fics being posted in between everyone’s entries about their day at high school lol.

Anyway so, I just remember like, appreciating so much that older people were writing fics, too, and some of it was like just very obvious life experience that came through in the text, but also like being able to characterize adult characters are adults, if that makes sense. Like I don’t want to generalize every teen writer but I do know that when I was a teen, all my characters tended to behave like teens. And I noticed it in my peers’ fics, too, like, the amount of melodrama and crying and like world-shattering interpersonal conflicts that an adult could like, very easily solve or avoid LOL. So it was really awesome to read like, adults written by adults, and again like even though I was a very avid reader of traditional books, too, and reading lots of adults that way, reading fanfiction is such a different experience when you see the same character written by several different people and notice how everyone portrays them differently. It just made me start thinking about stuff like that as a writer, like how much was I projecting, how much does everyone project, how much can you insert about your own experience and point of view without mangling the character?

And like, I stopped sharing fanfic online after the LJ strikethrough because all the fanfic spots kinda died at that point, and then I was like working full time at 17, and then I started college when I was 21, and just a few years went by where I dismissed fanfic as my silly high school hobby that isn’t for adults, EXCEPT THAT I WOULD REMEMBER THE RE FIC WAS CLEARLY WRITTEN BY AN ADULT, and so when I rejoined fandom and started writing fic again when I was like 27 I remember feeling like I had something to contribute and I was so happy to be an adult in fandom writing cool stories with all my patience and life experience.

AND LIKE OVERALL NOW I THINK, IDK, THE WAY THE INTERNET LANDSCAPE HAS CHANGED AND THE WAY MILLENNIALS ARE COMING INTO MIDDLE AGE LOL, I feel like I still mostly interact with my peers, but I still see like the ageism in fandom from younger folks here and there, and I’m just like. Whatever kids, the grownups are the ones writing all the good fic. 😎

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canmom · 3 years ago

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Animation Night 94: ‘The New Anime Century’

Apologies for the very late start today. I’ve not been at all functional. I understand that most eyes are on Ukraine right now. Nevertheless, it is important to me to keep up the streak of Animation Nights, so an Animation Night there shall be.

Since it’s so late, and I’m not in the best sorts, I’m going to lean on a previous writeup; we’ll be looking back at the misty origins of the vast Gundam franchise, and a curious set of historical events.

Today is 24th of February, two days off from February 22. Back in 1981, February 22 was the premiere of the film adaptation of Mobile Suit Gundam; at first an unsuccessful television show that tried to inject elements of ‘realist’ sci-fi war drama, which became a cultural phenomenon on the back of ‘gunpla’ model kits, and then, a symbol of the changing audience of animation in Japan - something which Tomino would claim as a ‘New Anime Century’ (anime shinseiki sengen) at the occasion of the film’s premiere.

Normally I would launch right into the history, but I feel like the context means I ought to say at least something about how this all connects to our time. Because a war has just considerably escalated in Ukraine, joining the ongoing wars in e.g. Syria and Yemen, as various imperialisms vie for dominance and various groups of people of myriad ideologies cast in with this or that faction that might protect them, or get caught in the fighting of others, like the Saudi naval blockade and resulting famine. “What the hell you even do” is a question we continually face, especially when we are so powerless - something acutely experienced by e.g. the Ukrainian anarchists interviewed here, for whom the choices not ‘what to tweet’ but whether to pick up weapons, and if so, how to avoid their tiny movement getting subsumed into a nationalist project.

Understanding a war at the time it’s taking place is very difficult; in the years following, it falls to artists of various kinds to end up defining the social meaning of that war, and the whole sorry spectacle of war in general. Is that a good thing? Who the fuck knows. But it happens, regardless.

So, for example, thanks to novels and memoirs like All Quiet on the Western Front and Poilu, famous poems, and various histories (an art form itself) constructed by sifting through the records and propaganda, the gigantic act of human sacrifice that broke the old imperialist system and opened the ‘bloody twentieth century’ can be turned into a story that we can at least pretend we comprehend in some way as ‘World War I’. (For good or ill! The Italian futurists and, later, Nazi propagandists turned their artistic efforts towards telling a story to further or repeating that war. And of course, during the war itself, all sides called on their artists and reporters to tell stories that would maintain the supply of bodies and shells to combine alchemically into ‘political power’ and corpses.)

In the decades after whatever temporary peace is found, the art ends up talking not about our direct experience of living through a war (an experience that is traumatic even far from the actual fighting), but the images of it we receive in art. The Nazis, for example go from actual people who you or your audience may have physically fought or lived under or fled, whose genocides were only recently exposed, to cartoon villains or even edgy sex symbols. The survivors gradually die and romantic narratives take over from people to whom that war was a story. And yet, the experience of these later generations living in the shadow of all the millions of empty deaths is still something that will - inevitably! - be expressed in art.

(this is from 08th MS Team so the animation is a bit more modern than what we’ll see today - I don’t really have time to scour the gif searcher for OG gundam clips!)

So, Gundam. Famously, Tomino is an ‘anti-war’ director. But whether an ‘anti-war’ film is even possible has often been called into question. Certainly, you can present images of senseless death and suffering - but the cult of the soldier loves the struggles borne by its ‘heroes’ for the sake of the nation. (The logic of sacrifice transfers the value of the thing sacrificed; kill a prize cow for a god, and you are declaring that to you, such food and wealth is less important than the god. Kill a million soldiers in ‘service’ of a nation, and the psychic power of the nation is strengthened, not weakened, by the value of a million human lives.)

It is easy to say “war may be an awful thing, but this time, we must fight” - and to recognise the logic of violent domination and coercion that doesn’t care for principle. And so, those who wish to start or sustain a war have long, long ago learned that they need to make a plausible-enough case that it is ‘justified’ to maintain their supply of bodies, and have developed very sophisticated ways of telling that story.

Mecha anime, and Gundam in particular, inherits a curious relation to war in general and Japanese history in particular (their failed imperial ambitions and the aftermath of near complete destruction by war, their relationship to the USA in the Cold War, and the question of the restrictions placed on the JSDF, much to the resentment of far-right nationalists).

It depends, fundamentally, on lavishly elaborate depictions of military equipment - before it narrowed to ‘giant humanoid robots’, the term ‘mecha’ simply meant machinery in general, and the visual language of giant robots (especially in Gundam’s ‘real robot’ subgenre) takes a lot of cues from jets and tanks and other such machines. (Last time around, we talked about how the first ‘super robot’ manga, Tetsujin 28-go, imagines a secret WWII weapon in the hands of a child.) Mecha have many meanings, but an inarguably important one is that we are captivated by the image of precisely engineered killing machines; for much the same reason, people adore guns even if they have no intention of killing anybody with them. I don’t think this enables war, inherently - it is a reality of our experience of a violent world that is being reflected truthfully in our art.

And yet, for all that, Tomino wished to tell specifically a tragic story about war; calling attention to the humanity of the enemies, and filling his story with senseless death and grief proper to the subject matter, which was a significant break. How strongly and coherently this theme has been expressed and developed varied through the franchise, which was primarily an instrument to move gunpla models and faced many constraints, but it’s a stance he held fast to pretty much throughout. This productive contradiction has fuelled several subsequent decades of robot anime; in the 90s, Anno’s ‘New Gospel’ of Evangelion would take mecha into a much more psychological direction, but it’s always been in part about war.

And how animation should treat the matter of war (as a subset of film in general) was at the time becoming a significant subject of contention. A year after Gundam‘s film premiere would follow the conflict over the film Future War 198X in which anti-war, Soviet-sympathetic trade unionists vehemently protested what they saw as a warmongering film.

To say more is really more than I have time to talk about tonight; let’s press on to the event in question that frames tonight’s screening: the 1981 release of the Gundam theatrical trilogy and the ‘New Anime Century’. (I talked about Tomino’s career leading up to Gundam last time so go back there for that!)

As this page recounts, the original Gundam TV anime was cancelled, but the series became increasingly popular off the strength of gunpla kits, eventually resulting in a recut of the series into three theatrical films with a great deal of ceremony. The turnout on the day was unexpectedly huge (in part due to the temptation of 10,000 free Gundam posters), and Tomino became afraid that a riot might break out:

By the morning of the 22nd February, there were 2,000 fans at the east exit to Shinjuku station. Tomino wryly observed that a TV director’s life was often lived hand-to-mouth, worrying about little more than the next meal, but here, outside a cinema for one of anime’s first big grown-up movie events, we were seeing the true power of television – its ability to attract an exponentially larger number of viewers. TV people had always been excluded from the movie world – now, suddenly, he saw that they had taken it over.

The posters were gone by 10am. By midday, Tomino estimated the numbers were pushing 15,000, which threatened to turn the event into a riot. Ever since the Anpo Protests over the controversial US-Japan Security Treaty (an event later referenced in the opening unrest of Akira), “public demonstrations” had been illegal around Shinjuku station. Enough Gundam fans had now gathered to risk attracting police attention, and Tomino fretted that an injury in the crowd could attract exactly the wrong kind of media attention. His “new anime century” risked dying before it could even begin, with future events shut down as too dangerous.

So, Tomino made an address to the crowd, like a politician speaking at a rally, with little preparation. His statement was... a curious and still rather boastful one:

“Sorry, but you are dummies,” he shouted, presumably in reference to the number of bodies needed to create a noticeable crowd. But then again, you never knew with Tomino. “We gathered you here to make a statement, to make all the grown-ups wonder what so many young people want to say. And in fact, the statement we really want to make is not about Gundam at all! But Gundam is the name that has gathered you youngsters here today. We need the grown-ups to wonder what this Gundam is all about. We need them to understand what young, modern people, teenagers, are seriously thinking about, and grasp that by seeing Gundam for themselves, even once.”

His awkward address, and official declaration of the ‘New Century’, would be repeated by two younger anime workers:

Tomino spoke from the stage, but doubted anyone heard him. At 40 years of age, he already belonged to a different generation. Ultimately, the proclamation’s official delivery was read out by “the kids” themselves, two young students, who were both already intimately involved in Tomino’s new era of anime: Mamoru Nagano, the future creator of Five Star Stories, and Maria Kawamura, already a voice actress in several Tomino productions, fated to become the iconic Jung Freud of Gunbuster.

Both in cosplay at the time, the two would eventually marry.

Much later, this event would be narrativised as ‘the day anime changed’ - though this seems like far too neat a narrative and many of the elements popularised by Gundam had been in the works throughout the 70s. Still, it did correspond to a turning point: the 80s soon saw the rise of the OVA market and rapid transformation of animation from purely a children’s medium to one capable of attempting more challenging stories - or serving the very specific tastes of adult otaku. Anime directly addressing war would become increasingly emotionally sophisticated - subsequently we would see films like Barefoot Gen (Animation Night 26), Grave of the Fireflies and In This Corner of the World as the realist movement developed. It would be absurd to ascribe all this to the influence of Gundam (as much as it would surely flatter Tomino) but the three Gundam films do stand at a pretty important point in that big historical flow.

I won’t say anymore, because it’s 11pm and I would like to start Animation Night on Thursday, even if we’ll probably have to watch the last film tomorrow. We’ll be starting the screening very shortly, but if you feel like dropping in at any point, I’ll happily catch you up. So please, head over to https://www.twitch.tv/canmom!

#animation night #god idek if i'm even approaching addressing these subjects with the level of care required #but also this question is very important to me as an artist who wants to speak truthfully so... i guess i gotta make a start somehow

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helaintoloki · 4 years ago

Note

#1 in the 50 Wordless Ways to Say “I Love You” with Five from TUA?

a/n: everyone say thank you to claire for helping me come up with this

taken from this prompt list

It’s been a really long time since you last had the chance to unwind and relax without having to worry about schoolwork, your parents’ impending and probably inevitable divorce, or any other shit that was important enough to eat away at your time. Now that it’s Friday you plan to catch up on all the good comic books you haven’t had the chance to read yet and finally pick up the novel that’s been collecting dust in the corner of your room. It’s a simple way to spend the evening and start your weekend, but lately simple has become a constant though appreciated comfort in your life.

After putting on your favorite vinyl record and setting up your reading spot (the ledge of your window) with snacks and the comfiest pillows you have, you take your stack of comics off the shelf and carry them over to get situated. However, the flash of blue light and the sudden presence of your pleasantly annoying friend in your room startles you into dropping the whole stack, and you watch defeated as the carefully plastic sealed books go fluttering down onto the carpet beneath you.

“He said no again,” Five scowls as he immediately begins to pace around your room, prompting you to sigh as you begin to pick up the mess. So much for a quiet Friday evening.

“Hello Five,” you greet calmly whilst returning your comic books back onto their respective shelves.

“He thinks I’m not ready,” he nearly snarls, looking to you like a man deranged with wild eyes and unruly hair. He’s too upset to notice the fact that one of his shirt tails is untucked from his uniform and his tie is crooked, and for his sake you don’t bother to mention it; it’ll just tick him off more.

“I’m doing fine, thanks for asking,” you reply in a neutral tone, but the sarcasm is there and Five lets out an annoyed sigh in response. He knows he’s being rude, but he’s too angry for pleasantries at the moment.

“Sorry,” he apologizes quickly, subduing his anger for a moment so that he can acknowledge you, “but this is complete bullshit! I know what I’m doing and I know I’m ready to time travel!”

“Five, why don’t you just stop and take a breath, you’re going to wear a hole in my carpet and then I won’t be able to buy another one because that was the last one they had in the store,” you complain, and this earns you a glare in response.

“If he’d just let me time travel I could go back and buy you a thousand of those tacky carpets!” Five exclaims.

“Oh, boy,” you sigh, and you know if you don’t do something soon Five is just going to combust right in the middle of your room and that won’t be any good. He’s trembling with rage like a feral little chihuahua, and you honestly half expect him to start foaming at the mouth.

“Five,” you call to get his attention, taking his shaking hands in your own and giving them a tight squeeze. The physical contact stops him in his tracks, his brows furrowing slight and shoulders rising up in slight apprehension. His first instinct is to pull away and shake you off, but his body is inclined to maintain your touch and so he stays. His trembles and shakes have dwindled significantly, and now he is only slightly sweaty and unhinged. “This is exactly why your old man doesn’t think your ready.”

“Y/n-“

“No, shut up, I’m talking,” you interject, because you know if you don’t assert your dominance in the conversation Five will just talk over you, “you need to take a breath and calm down. You really think you’ll be able to time travel when you’re all riled up like this?”

Five glowers at you and has to refrain from giving your hands an extra tight squeeze, but he knows you’re right and he hates you for it. He should have picked someone less intellectual and practical, but then again he liked when you challenged him. It made things exciting, gave him a rush he never got when conversing with his idiot siblings, and he had to appreciate you for it. You really were a good friend, even if he refused to say so out loud.

“You’re literally the smartest person I know, if anyone’s going to be able to time travel it’s you, so I really don’t think you should rush into it just yet,” you advise. “I know how awful it is to admit when your parents are right, but maybe just this once old Reggie knows what he’s talking about.”

A long sigh leaves Five, and he isn’t sure why the hell he’s still holding hands with you, but he’d be lying if he said it didn’t feel really nice and soothing to his jumbled up nerves. His shaking has stopped completely, and this time he does give your hands the gentlest of squeezes.

“I hate to admit it, but you’re right,” he finally says. “Sorry for ruining your night.”

“You didn’t ruin anything,” you assure with a small smile. “In fact, I’m kind of in the mood for some hot chocolate. Wanna go to Griddy’s?”

“I do,” Five nods with a faint smile before spacial jumping the two of you down to the donut shop. Thank god Five has someone like you to keep him in check, because he knows good and well that you’re often 90% of his impulse control. Your talk will keep him at bay for now, but Five can only wait for so long before he throws all caution to the wind and travels without his father and without you.

He really should have listened to you.

#kinda sucks my five pieces never make it to the tags but whatever #five hargreeves #number five #five hargreeves x reader #number five x reader #five hargreeves imagine #number five imagine #the umbrella academy #tua #tua x reader #request #prompt list

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flufffysocks · 4 years ago

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let's talk about andi mack's worldbuilding

sorry this took forever to make! i've been pretty busy with school stuff and i kind of lost my inspiration for a bit, but i ultimately really enjoyed writing it! i wish i could've included more pics (tumblr has a max of 10 per post), and it kinda turned from less of a mini analysis to more of an extremely long rant... but i hope it's still a fun read!

i've been rewatching the show over the past few weeks (thanks again to @disneymack for the link!), and i’ve been noticing a lot that i never did the first time around. this is really the first time i’ve watched the show from start to finish since it aired, and it honestly feels so different this time - probably a combination of the fact that i’m not as focused on plot and can appreciate the show as a whole, and also that the fandom is much, much smaller now, so there’s a lot less noise. so the way i’m consuming this show feels super different than it did the first time, but the show itself doesn’t - it’s just as warm and comforting to me as it was the first time around, if not more so.

i think a lot of that can be attributed to andi mack’s “worldbuilding”. i’m not quite sure that this is the right word in this context, to be honest, because i mostly see it used in reference to fantasy and sci-fi universes, but it just sort of feels right to me for andi mack, because you can really tell how much love and care went into constructing this universe. for clarity, worldbuilding is “the process of creating an imaginary world” in its simplest sense. there’s two main types: hard worldbuilding, which involves inventing entire universes, languages, people, cultures, places, foods, etc. from scratch (think “lord of the rings” or “dune”), and soft worldbuilding, in which the creators don’t explicitly state or explain much about the fictional universe, but rather let it’s nature reveal itself as the story progresses (think studio ghibli films). andi mack to me falls in the soft worldbuilding category. even though it takes place in a realistic fiction universe, there’s a lot of aspects to it that are inexplicably novel in really subtle ways.

so watching the show now, i’ve noticed that the worldbuilding comes primarily from two things - setting and props, and oftentimes the both of them in tandem (because a big part of setting in filmmaking does depend on the props placed in it!).

one of the most obvious examples is the spoon. it really is a sort of quintessential, tropic setting in that it's the main gang's "spot", which automatically gives it a warm and homey feel to it. and its set design only amplifies this:

the choice to make it a very traditional 50s-style diner creates a very nostalgic, retro feel to it, which is something that's really consistent throughout the show, as you'll see. from the round stools at the bar, to the booths, to the staff uniforms, this is very obvious. the thing that i found especially interesting about it though is the choice of color. the typical 50s diner is outfitted with metallic surfaces and red accented furnishings, but the spoon is very distinctly not this.

instead, it's dressed in vibrant teal and orange, giving it a very fresh and modern take on a classic look. so it still maintains that feeling of being funky and retro, but that doesn't retract from the fact that the show is set distinctly in modern times.

of course, this could just be a one-off quirky set piece, but this idea of modernizing and novelizing "retro" things is a really common motif throughout the show. take red rooster records. i mean, it's a record shop - need i say more? it's obviously a very prominent store in shadyside, at least for the main characters, but there's no apparent reason why it is (until season 2 when bowie starts working there, and jonah starts performing there). a lot of the time, though, it functions solely as a record shop. vinyl obviously isn't the most practical or convenient way of listening to music, but it's had its resurgence in pop culture even in the real world, mostly due to its aesthetic value, so it's safe to say that it serves the same purpose in the andi mack universe.

the fringe seems to be nostalgic of a different era, specifically the Y2K/early 2000s period (because it's meant to be bex's territory and symbolic of who she used to be, and its later transformation into cloud 10 is representative of her character arc, but that's beside the point). to be honest, exactly what this store was supposed to be always confused me. it was kind of a combination party store/clothing store/makeup store/beauty parlor? i think that's sort of the point of it though, it's supposed to feel very grunge-y and chaotic (within the confines of a relatively mellow-toned show, of course), and it's supposed to act as a sort of treasure chest of little curios that both make the place interesting and allow the characters to interact with it.

and, of course, there's andi shack. this is really the cherry on top of all of andi mack's sets, just because it's so distinctly andi. it serves such amazing narrative purpose for her (ex. the storyline where cece and ham were going to move - i really loved this because it highlights its place in the andi mack universe so well, and i'm a sucker for the paper cranes shot + i'm still salty that sadie's cranes didn't make it into the finale) and it's the perfect reflection of andi's character development because of how dynamic it is (the crafts and art supplies can get moved around or switched out, and there's always new creations visible).

going back to the nostalgia motif though, the "shack" aspect of it always struck me as very treehouse-like. personally, whenever i think of treehouses, there's this very golden sheen of childhood about it, if that makes sense. i've always seen treehouses in media as a sort of shelter for characters' youthful innocence and idealistic memories. for example, the episode "up a tree" from good luck charlie, the episode "treehouse" from modern family, and "to all the boys 2" all use a treehouse setting as a device to explore the character's desire to hold onto their perfect image of their childhood (side note: this exact theme is actually explored in andi mack in the episode "perfect day 2.0"!). andi shack is no exception to this, but it harnesses this childhood idealism in the same way that it captures the nostalgia of the 50s in the spoon, or the early 2000s in the fringe. it's not some image of a distant past being reflected through that setting; it's very present, and very alive, because it reflects andi as she is in the given moment.

some honorable mentions of more one-off settings include the ferris wheel (from "the snorpion"), the alley art gallery (from "a walker to remember"), SAVA, the color factory (from "it's a dilemna"), and my personal favorite, the cake shop (from "that syncing feeling").

[every time i watch this episode i want to eat those cakes so bad]

these settings have less of a distinctly nostalgic feel (especially the color factory, which is a very late 2010s, instagram era setting), but they all definitely have an aura of perfection about them. andi mack is all about bright, colorful visuals, and these settings really play to that, making the andi mack universe seem really fun and inviting, and frankly very instagrammable (literally so, when it comes to the color factory!).

props, on the other hand, are probably a much less obvious tool of worldbuilding. they definitely take up less space in the frame and are generally not as noticeable (i'm sure i'll have missed a bunch that will be great examples, but i'm kind of coming up with all of this off the top of my head), but they really tie everything together.

for example, bex's box, bex's polaroid, and the old tv at the mack apartment (the tv is usually only visible in the periphery of some shots, so you might not catch it at first glance) all complement that very retro aesthetic established through the settings (especially the polaroid and the tv, because there's really no good reason that the characters would otherwise be using these).

besides this, andi's artistic nature provides the perfect excuse for plenty of colorful, crafty props to amplify the visuals and the tone. obviously, as i discussed before, andi shack is the best example of this because it's filled with interesting props. but you also see bits of andi's (and other people's) crafts popping up throughout the show (ex. the tape on the fridge in the mack apartment, andi's and libby's headbands in "the new girls", walker's shoes, andi's phone case, and of course, the bracelet). not only does doing this really solidify this talent as an essential tenet of andi's character, but it also just makes the entirety of shadyside feel like an extension of andi shack. the whole town is a canvas for her crafts (or art, depending on how you want to look at it. i say it's both), and it immensely adds to shadyside's idealism. because who wouldn't want to live in a world made of andi mack's creations?

and, while it's not exactly a prop, the characters' wardrobe is undoubtedly a major influence on the show's worldbuilding. true to it's nature as a disney channel show, all of the characters are always dressed in exceptionally curated outfits of whatever the current trends are, making the show that much more visually appealing. i won't elaborate too much on this, because i could honestly write a whole other analysis on andi mack's fashion (my favorites are andi's and bex's outfits! and kudos to the costume designer(s) for creating such wonderful and in-character wardrobes!). but, i think it's a really really important aspect of how the show's universe is perceived, so it had to be touched upon.

[^ some of my favorite outfits from the show! i am so obsessed with andi's jacket in the finale, and i aspire to be at bex's level of being a leather jacket bisexual]

and lastly, phones. this is a bit of an interesting case (pun intended), because the way they're used fluctuates a bit throughout the show, but i definitely noticed that at least in the first season terri minsky tried to avoid using them altogether. these efforts at distancing from modern tech really grounds the show in it's idealist, nostalgia-heavy roots, so even when the characters start using their phones more later in the show, they don't alter the viewer's impression of the andi mack universe very much.

so, what does all of this have to do with worldbuilding? in andi mack's case, because it's set in a realistic universe and not a fantasy one, a lot of what sets it apart from the real world comes down to tone. because, as much as this world is based on our own, it really does feel separate from it, like an alternate reality that's just slightly more perfect than ours, which makes all the difference. it's the idealism in color and composition in andi mack's settings that makes it so unmistakably andi mack. even the weather is always sunny and perfect (which is incredibly ironic because the town is called shadyside - yes, i am very proud of that observation).

the andi mack universe resides somewhere in this perfect medium that makes it feel like a small town in the middle of nowhere (almost like hill valley in 1955 from "back to the future"), but at the same time like an enclave within a big city (because of its proximity to so many modern, unique, and honestly very classy looking establishments). it is, essentially, an unattainable dream land that tricks you into believing it is attainable because it's just real enough.

all this to say, andi mack does an amazing job of creating of polished, perfect world for its characters. this is pretty common among disney channel and nickelodeon shows, but because most other shows tend to be filmed in a studio with three-wall sets, andi mack is really set apart from them in that it automatically feels more real and tangible. it has its quintessential recurring locations, but it has far more of them (most disney/nick shows usually only have 3-4 recurring settings), and it has a lot more one-off locations. it's also a lot more considerate when it comes to its props, so rather than the show just looking garish and aggressively trendy, it has a distinctive style that's actually appropriate to the characters and the story. overall this creates the effect of expanding the universe, making shadyside feel like it really is a part of a wider world, rather than an artificial bubble. it's idealism is, first and foremost, grounded in reality, and that provides a basis for its brilliant, creative, and relatable storytelling.

tl;dr: andi mack's sets and props give it a very retro and nostalgic tone which makes its whole universe seem super perfect and i want to live there so bad!!

#andi mack #buffy driscoll #cyrus goodman #jonah beck #tj kippen #tyrus #ambi #bex mack #analysis #film analysis #disney channel

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lettrespromises · 4 years ago

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THE FORGOTTEN DAY. - AKAASHI, DAICHI, KUROO, ATSUMU.

@luveranime wrote : ❝Hey Nikki its me again lmao 😂. Could you do one where they actually completely forget your birthday? With Akaashi, daichi, kuroo, and atsumu? Make it angst please🥺❞

A.N: ❝dear reader,

thank you so much for trusting me once more with your request! i always love writing the requests even more so than my own prompts. i sincerely hope you’ll like these hc’s, i tried to make these as angsty as i could but atsumu has two braincells and i could NOT resist the temptation of doing something more lighthearted, i hope you won’t be mad at me! mwah! enjoy your promised letter!

sincerely yours, nikki❞

Genre: Kinda angsty, kinda fluffy. Warnings: Cursing, crying.

Now, Akaashi is not one to forget about dates and birthdays. I’m pretty sure he has a notebook filled with everyone’s birthdays written in a chronological order. Needless to say, he’s someone who is extremely organized.

He is the kind of boyfriend to remember all the slightest details you mention when you guys have a conversation. We’re talking about small details, pieces of informations that others wouldn’t necessarily pick up on except if your name is Akaashi Keiji. (I.E: he knows that Bokuto-san classifies his underwear according to each day of the week.)

The week leading up to your birthday, he makes sure to leave several notes stuck on your notebooks, laptop, mug, even your jacket to let you know how loved you are and how exceptional of a human being you are.

Unfortunately for you, your birthday has the misfortune of being set right during the revision week leading to the final exams. The latter are extremely important to Akaashi because missing his exams would result in him not being able to go to inter-school volleyball training held during the weekend.

Even though he’s in a relationship, he can be quite distant when something is bothering him because he refuses categorically to drown you with his problems, revisions being one of them. He’s so driven to study hard (although he’s already an excellent student), that everything else appears as a blur to him- he breathes revisions, eats revisions, lives for revisions.

The latter causes him to inevitably forget about your birthday. At first, you just think he’s playing along with you and he has this huge and sweet surprise in store for you which might explain why he hasn’t left you any love notes or sent you any texts, or even avoid you at school.

The evening of your birthday, you crash down at his place, a bit perplexed at his antics. But, unconsciously, you were still in denial, you knew or at least hoped that he was just purposefully acting as such because he wanted to surprise you for your birthday.

When he opens the door and sees you, he has a quizzical look on his face “Um, hello, Y/N? May I ask what you’re doing here, dove?”

Now, it was your turn to have a quizzical look on your face, “So you really don’t know? Isn’t it, you know, a special day?”

His mind is so coated by his obsession to study hard that nothing comes to his mind, nothing to answer to your interrogation and eventually, nothing to leave his mouth as a response. He could swear there’s something he has forgotten, it’s somehow on the tip of his tongue but no sound is echoed on his part.

“You know what, Akaashi, just don’t make promises you can’t keep. I hope these notes you left me will help you.”

First of all, you called him Akaashi instead of Keiji, meaning that there was something terribly wrong with him or his deeds.

Second of all, he looked carefully enough, there were pearls of tears on the corner of your eyes.

Third of all, he was so taken aback, as if all his memory had resurfaced in the blink of an eye that he still couldn’t find the strength to say something. Instead, his eyes wandered on your figure, his back facing you, already on your way home. The sole reflex he had was to raise his hand in your direction, as if he could catch your silhouette already long gone, hopelessly.

Daichi is already the (unofficial) dad of troublesome children (thank the heavens for mama Sugawara and uncle Asahi), which means not only he has to juggle between his duty as a captain and as a student, but he also must make sure of the stability of your relationship.

It’s really taking a toll on him. Seeing him come home late after late night practice is not even surprising anymore, he just comes to your place and crashes down for the night at unbelievable hours- sometimes ten, sometimes eleven.

His role of captain is so dear to his heart and he’s kind of an all or nothing kind of guy. But when it comes to the volleyball team, he pours every once of passion, patience and energy he has to offer. He knows that the first years have literally gifts when it comes to playing and he wants to exploit their potential at the fullest.

Nonetheless, when it comes to remembering dates, Daichi (being an unofficial dad) has the tendency to remember rather quickly common dates like birthdays, if not, he can always count on Suga to remind him in case he gets too hotheaded into what he’s doing.

On the day of your birthday, he sent you a myriad of texts, mini-novels if you will. All of them were the testimonies of the love he held in your regard, he was so thoughtful, each one of his word was carefully chosen to make you feel like the most loved person on the planet.

Starting the day off with a series of loving texts from your boyfriend is indeed the best way to wake up.

However, after close inspection, the last text he had sent you mentioned a date tonight at your favorite restaurant in town because, and I quote, “you deserve to be treated like the royalty you are.”

Focusing in class was almost impossible, the only thing occupying your mind was tonight’s date with Daichi, just the two of you on your birthday. And truth be told, there was no other way you’d rather spend this ever so special day.

Right after the bell rang, you made a beeline to your place to get ready as Daichi told you he would pick you up at 7, right after practice. Your heart was bursting with joy and impatience, a sweet mix of emotions which made you feel overwhelmed by love.

It was 7 already and your eyes were stuck on the alley of your house, waiting to see Daichi’s car arrive and admire the beautiful, lovestruck grin plastered upon his face.

Then it was 8, and suspicions started to arise in your mind. Your head was clouded by interrogations : “Does he not love me anymore?”, “Is this is way of telling me we should break up?”

Then 9, then 10 and eventually 11.

You waited four hours to hear a sign from Daichi, and you couldn’t keep up with the countless texts you had sent him, wondering where he was. But, you still had hope. Heart-crushing hope that is, or maybe you were just stuck in pure denial.

You were sitting on a chair, several stains of tears on your cheeks already, facing the window which offered a view outside your house because “You never know, he might show up...”

At 11, your phone rang and Daichi’s number highlighted the screen. You were so quick to pick up the phone, your quickness was almost inhuman.

“Baby? Hi, it’s me. Are you still awake?” You hummed in response, scared of the way your voice would break if you were to talk. “Listen, practice-...”, you cut him off : “Practice ran late again, I know, Daichi.”

There was a moment of silence on his end of the line, a moment of guilt.

“Baby, you have no idea how sorry I am. It’s just the team and the firs-...” - “I know, the gifted first years.” your voice was barely above a whisper.

“We can reschedule tomorrow if you want, I’ll ask Ennoshita to take care of the training for me.” He sounded desperate, eaten alive by the guilt consuming him and the fragile tone of your voice, you sounded like a broken record.

“Tomorrow won’t be my birthday anymore, Daichi, you know that.” You knew that if you were to hear the sound of his voice again, you were bound to break in tears, and as much as he hurt you, you knew it wasn’t his fault and you didn’t want to make him feel even more guilty than he already was feeling.

Instead, you hung up while he was still rambling about confused apologies and you headed straight to your room, head low, fresh tears crashing on the stains left by the dried tears. Like an eternal circle, if you will.

Kuroo is someone who is extremely observant by nature, just look at the way he behaves around Kenma- he doesn’t need for you to talk to know how you’re feeling and can directly dissect what’s wrong with you.

So when he finds himself having a one-sided discussion with you, (or a double-sided conversation if you deem silence as a worthy response), his brain automatically goes on retrospection mode and he’s trying to reminisce absolutely everything that happened during the last 48 hours.

The science-related puns don’t work, the teasing is a crushing defeat, all his best aces fail to put a smile on your face or make you crack a laugh. You’re still silent, or if he’s lucky enough, he can hear the faint sound of hum leaving your lips.

His last option is to ask Kenma because Kenma appears as an omniscient point of view in your relationship. And although he’s not directly involved in your couple, he always seems to find the responses to the riddles left by the cons of being in a relationship.

Kuroo and Kenma are having lunch outside, as expected of the blonde individual, his eyes are solely focused on the device held between his hands, but Kuroo is used to it.

“Man, I just don’t get why Y/N is giving me the cold shoulder, it’s really weighing on my mind.”

“Are you sure you don’t know, or do you act as if you don’t know?”

“Ha? What do you mean?”

“Yesterday was Y/N’s birthday, just in case you hadn’t noticed.”

Oh... Oh! It’s time to panic, it’s time to leave his brain on overdrive and find a solution to make up for what he judged an inexcusable behavior.

What broke his heart even more is when he imagined to put himself into your shoes, how heartbroken you must have felt, how alone you must have felt, he even wondered if you wanted to break up with him.

Sure, Kuroo was observant, but sometimes being a airhead got the best of him. Or perhaps in this case, the worse of him.

He froze, his mouth was set agape and kind of like Akaashi, in moments of panic, he didn’t know what to do. He felt defeatist, he knew that forgetting your birthday was a dealbreaker. He already thought of all the consequences of his actions, and he knew that none of these consequences would turn out good in any way.

He ran through the hallways like a madman, yelling to the other students to step aside as he did so. He knew where you were, and he felt so stupid for knowing your timetable off by heart but not being able to remember such a simple date as your birthday.

You were having lunch in class with your friends, and when a hint of a roster’s head peaked through the door, making hand gestures to silently tell you to come see him, you excused yourself and left the class under the puzzling looks of your friends.

To say that Kuroo was sweating was an understatement, he was absolutely shaking to death and he exuded guilt by every pore of his body. Your gaze landed on his face, and your expression seemed lifeless- where did the usual gleam in your eyes go? The shine in your eyes he loved so much?

“You’re free to insult me for the rest of my days on this planet. I know I messed up, I messed up so bad and I don’t even know how to-... Hey? Oi, Y/N, please, please don’t cry.”

If he needed yet another reason to feel guilty, that was his cue. The tears falling in cascade on your face, the scarlet tones of your eyes, everything about you screamed pure sadness.

Both of your hearts broke in unison, and the motion of his hands to capture you and hold him close to his chest was so experimental, as if he’d never held you in his arms in his entire life.

“Why did you forget, Tetsu?”

“I swear on my life that it was unintentional. I know you won’t forgive me anytime soon and, kitten, you have every right to do so. I know it’s not an excuse but just believe me when I say that it was unintentional. I’m so sorry, you have no idea.”

“Just wish me a happy birthday instead of rambling.”

“Happy birthday, kitten, I swear I’ll make it up to you.”

As the manager of the volleyball team, you were Inarizaki’s pride and joy. You were a literal ray of sunshine, the embodiment of a gem and you were always cherished by the entire team for helping them so much.

You always made sure they drank enough, prepped several towels in case they sweated too much (they always did), listened to their problems, eased their doubts- you were undeniably perfect to them.

So perfect that Osamu, as well as the rest of the team, always wondered how and why you ended up with his airhead of a twin, or rather, and I quote, “The useless piss-haired twin.”

To be frank, if it wasn’t for you, Atsumu would probably be dead by now. The cause of his death? Osamu himself? The whole team? His stupidity? We shall never know.

You cannot expect Atsumu to remember any specific dates, he even struggles to remember his own birthday which results in him asking when was his brother born and Osamu letting out a desperate sigh, wondering what on Earth did he do in his previous life to deserve such a twin.

Nonetheless, Osamu’s cooking skills came in handy. The whole team had agreed on celebrating your birthday, a kind of surprise birthday after practice if you will, because you were so good to them.

The divine smell of the cake didn’t go unsmelled (please help is that even a word?? no it’s not but i couldn’t say ‘go unseen’ because a smell can’t be seen like???) by none other than Atsumu himself. “Whatcha’ baking this for?” Osamu didn’t even bother to throw a glance in his twin brother’s direction “You should know, idiot.”

Safe to say that Atsumu got absolutely z e r o information from his brother whatsoever and was thus left in general incomprehension. He then figured that maybe it was someone’s birthday given how well looking the cake was, but whose birthday was it? Once again, z e r o idea.

After practice, the whole team gathered to show you the surprise they had in store for you- Kita had stuck some ‘happy birthday’ posters on the wall, Osamu had brought the cake and Aran had the gift from the whole team in his hands. The preparation was quick and efficient, all while you were changing in your more regular outfit in the locker room.

Needless to say, Atsumu still had z e r o clue to whose birthday they were going to celebrate but the grin on his face still testified of how happy he was.

When you exited the locker room to say goodbye to the rest of the team, you were absolutely overwhelmed by joy when you saw them gathered together, a radiant smile plastered upon their face, they were so proud of themselves and most of all, they were proud to be the reason of your happiness.

Reflex kicked, both of your hands covered your mouth and your vision quickly became blurry from the pearls of tears gathering at the brim of your eyes. To say that you were happy was an understatement, you felt so moved, so touched that this whole surprise was for your birthd-

“Hold up, I thought it was mom’s birthday? Who’s the cake for?”

The look on Osamu’s face screamed “Someone hold me back before I kill this idiot with my bare hands.”

Kita threw a volleyball at the back of Atsumu’s head.

Suna was crying on the inside out of desperation.

Hitoshi was holding Osamu back.

The rest of the team eventually ganged up on Atsumu for even daring to forget their sweet angel’s birthday while you were standing there, dumbfounded to say the least, torn between crying and laughing.

You didn’t even need to make Atsumu pay for his mistake, the team had made sure to make him pay for the next ten years (if I’m being generous.)

So... Happy birthday... I guess?

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minmotl · 4 years ago

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Ch. 68: Tang Fan Spills Medicine Over Injured Sui Zhou & Makes Him Take Off His Pants

Context: Tang Fan, Sui Zhou and their surviving subordinates have escaped the tomb and won against the remnants of the White Lotus Sect members camping outside their escape route. They should be celebrating, but trouble has only begun for Tang Fan. Although Yin Yuan Hua’s death was hardly his fault, their rivalry is still well-known back in the imperial city. Yin Yuan Hua’s direct supervisor makes use of this opportunity to lodge a complaint about Tang Fan having failed as a leader, and Tang Fan’s powerful allies in the ministry are all sent away. This case must have a scapegoat, and the Emperor, hearing all the complaints about Tang Fan from another official as well, decides to suspend him from his rank and title.

Before they deal with that, however, Tang Fan tries to take care of an injured Sui Zhou on their way back, and is unsurprisingly, absolutely useless at taking care of someone else.

*Note: Tang Fan is referring to a previous incident later when Sui Zhou teased him about his... after making him take off his pants (for a good reason).

Introduction Post | Masterpost

—

Highlights under the cut

In Tang Fan’s eyes, his person career advancement will never be as important as the health of his friends and companions. He orders Cheng Wen and the rest to properly record all the treasures and also rejects Magistrate He’s attempts to make him stay, bringing everyone on the journey back to the imperial city.

They are not as much in a rush this time on the way back because they have to take care of those who are injured. The journey cannot be too fast and they must often take rests at outposts along the way meant for officials.

Magistrate He helped them to prepare several carriages and inside, several thick layers of soft covers have been placed to ferry the injured. A physician is also accompanying them on this journey and he can help to prescribe and brew medicine, and also to treat wounds.

As Sui Zhou’s internal organs have been wounded, he needs to to rest often and adding to that, he has to drink medicine that has herbs that would help with his sleep, so on this entire journey, he has spent most of the days in sleep.

Those who are injured need someone to take care of them, and the only woman in this convoy is Lady Chen. However, as she’s a wanted criminal, she can enjoy sitting in a single carriage, but her hands and legs have been trapped with heavy cuffs. There are supervising men stationed before and behind this carriage. Tang Fan cannot let her come and take care of Sui Zhou, and so Tang-daren volunteers bravely to take on the responsibility of attending to this patient.

Pang Qi is immensely touched at how noble Tang-daren is.

And at this moment, Sui Zhou is still unconscious in rest, otherwise he would be the first one to jump up and oppose this… but the ship has sailed and there is no time for him to even protest.

After Sui Zhou wakes up, he realises that the person who is delivering his medicine to him has change from the accompanying physician to Tang Fan.

“…”

“What is it?” Tang Fan asks.

“Where’s the physician?”

“He’s helping others to change their dressings, I’ll feed you today,” Tang Fan answers.

Sui Zhou’s smile is forced as he says, “No need, I can do this myself.”

Tang Fan thinks that he’s only being courteous, and then presses him down, “The physician said, forcing all of you to journey back at this point is already harmful to your injuries. If you can lie down just lie down, then you can recover quickly! How close are we, you don’t have to stand on ceremony with me!”

Sui Zhou is speechless, thinking that he would truly like to stand on ceremony with him.

Tang-daren scoops out a spoonful of the medicine and is about to bring it to Sui Zhou’s mouth. He then remembers the way Sui Zhou took care of him when he was ill, and learns from him by placing the spoon to his lips to test the temperature, before sending it over.

And yet, just as it is about to arrive at its destination, Tang Fan’s hand shakes.

Sui Zhou, “…”

Tang Fan, “…”

Sui Zhou, “It’s best if I drink it myself.”

Tang Fan laughs, “I’m just not used to this, sorry, sorry! Or we can change a position?”

He uses his sleeves to wipe at Sui Zhou’s shirt and places the bowl aside first. He then helps Sui Zhou up so that he is half leaning on him, then picks up the bowl, carefully bringing it up to Sui Zhou’s mouth. He slants the spoon slightly, thinking that this time, his hand will not shake, at least.

Unexpectedly, a woman’s scream resounds from the outside, and then it is followed by the sounds of chaos from a startled bunch of men and horses.

After a moment, they then hear Qian San Er’s voice, “Sui-daren, sorry about this and that we disturbed your rest. Lady Chen was screaming for no reason and insisted that someone was peeping at her as she was changing clothes. We didn’t startle you did we, Sui-daren?”

Tang Fan, “…”

Sui Zhou, “…”

This time, the whole bowl of medicine has been spilled on Sui Zhou’s face. Thankfully the medicine’s temperature was just nice, otherwise they will have to add another item to the list of Sui Zhou’s injuries.

Sui Zhou is left with no choice but to remove the bowl from his face, and says, “I’ll do it myself.”

Tang Fan is speechless, “Guang Chuan, I really did not meant to…”

Although Sui Zhou is the victim of this, he wants to laugh, “I know, but you are not the type to assist others like this. Get someone to brew another bowl, you just have to stay and chat with me.”

He has to comply unconditionally with the patient’s requests. Tang Fan is reinvigorated, “Sure, what do you want to talk about?”

Sui Zhou, “… You should help me get another set of clothes to change first.”

“Oh, oh, oh,” Tang Fan says.

Seeing Tang Fan get up to help him find clothes, Sui Zhou cannot help but feel helpless but also slightly sweet inside. Helpless, because Tang Fan cannot even take care of himself and wants to take care of others - anyone who is taken care of by him will end up in a pitiful condition. And slightly sweet because… Sui Zhou does not need to describe it, as long as he himself knows what it is about.

After a moment, Tang-daren comes back with a pile of clothes.

Sui Zhou has internal injuries and his hands and legs are fine. The physician asked him to recover in peace and quiet, but never said that he cannot move entirely, so changing his own clothes is not a problem. However, Tang Fan insists that he feels guilty and wants to make amends for what he did earlier. Sui Zhou is unable to refuse this face filled with sincerity, and can only silently agree to Tang Fan’s offer.

Sui Zhou’s bronze-coloured abs and muscles are revealed as his inner layer is removed. From the lines of his arms and chest, one can see that he definitely has trained hard on a daily basis. At the same time, as he frequently needs to walk on the edge of danger and has been through many battles, the old marks left by wounds on his body are not little. Some are old and the colours have become very light, but some of them he got a few days ago in the tomb, and are only starting to scab over.

And yet it is this body littered with scars and marks that are a testament to how manly and masculine he is. Without the cover of clothes, he is definitely more imposing than usual. Even if he is wounded now and sitting on the bed, the first thing every person will think of is that this is a sleeping lion, and not a sick cat.

Originally, it would have been fine to just change his outerwear and the inner layer, but Tang Fan insists on changing the full set, making him change his pants as well together. Sui Zhou has no choice but to go along with it. And in the end, when he takes off his pants, he sees Tang-daren eyeing him there, and mischievously he says, “So the shape looks like that.”

Sui Zhou, “…”

How well Tang Fan holds onto grudges… so many days have passed, and at that time, Sui Zhou was merely teasing him, must he remember it like this?

Tang Fan helps him to change and says, “Coming to Gong County, I thought of some materials for the new novel. I’ll write about a man who was born in the wilderness and one day, a demon sets its eyes on a unique treasure that has been passed down for generations in the man’s family. However, he’s troubled by the fact that the treasure recognises its owner and the demon cannot come close to it. And so the demon drinks on the fresh blood of women and turns himself into a beautiful woman, seduces the man and finally makes the man fall irrevocably in love with her, so much so that he willingly gifts the treasure to the demon. The demon’s true form is immediately revealed, the man sees that the person who has slept with him all this time is a horrifying demon filled with scales and has blood-filled eyes, and is scared to death. What do you think?”

Sui Zhou is silent for a bit, “It is rather good.”

But he also has a bad feeling…

As expected, the next moment, he hears Tang Fan say, “How about I call the man Sui Zhou then?”

“Change it,” Sui Zhou replies.

Tang-daren goes with the flow, “Alright, then I’ll call the demon Sui Zhou.”

Sui Zhou, “…”

As people say, one would rather offend a gentleman than offend Tang-daren.

Don’t just judge by Sui Zhou’s unapproachable face, and how he seems cold and ruthless to his subordinates and others. Everyone tends to think that he is so cold that he doesn’t have friends and even when he spends time with his good friend Tang Fan, it is Tang-daren who is always giving in to him.

They do not know that their assumption is wrong, because with Tang-daren, Sui Zhou has this “as long as he is happy anything goes” attitude. Once compromise becomes a habit, he unconsciously keeps giving in, and giving in, and giving in again…

Giving in to the end, and Sui Zhou is defeated and convinced.

And so Tang-daren’s new novel and the name of the demon in it is set, just like that.

As for those from the Northern Administrative Court who will see the book in stores in the future, they will make a noise of confusion, “Zhenfushi-daren’s surname is not common, how did it turn up here? Is the author a man who was arrested and tortured by Sui Zhou before?”

But that is all talk for later. Tang-daren finally can make use of this opportunity when Sui Zhou is weak and via the chance to change his clothes, he unceremoniously bullied the other. He is feeling exceptionally good right now, and hums a small tune under his breath.

Sui Zhou doesn’t know if he is deliberately being like this in front of him, or if he really does not care, and cannot help but ask directly, concerned, “Did you think about what will happen after you return to the imperial city?”

#tsomd #cheng hua shi si nian #cheng hua's fourteenth year #成化十四年 #fanzhou #suitang #fanzhou highlights #sui zhou #tang fan #translations #tsomd novel

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eralisse · 4 years ago

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Brothers Conflict: Passion Pink - Kaname Route - Main 16/Kaname 6 - Truth

As you may notice, even though I'm playing in order now, I've skipped a few scenes. Mainly because I disagree with their characterization, or they're just fillers with no plot, and I'm translating to give myself fanfiction material. Scenes where the game author appears to have taken a leaf out of the anime script instead of the light novel will not be prioritized.

As always, my comments will be at the bottom. And I invite you to comment in the comment/response area!

Summary: Ema learns of her adoption status.

Brothers Conflict Translations Index

November 13, 2010 (Saturday)

Juli: Huh. Even though they’re both busy, they clean up quite a bit.

Ema: Hmm. Instead of them cleaning, perhaps it’s because Papa and Miwa-san are so busy with work that they’re not home much…?

Juli: Indeed, that could be it.

(Today, we borrowed the spare key, and came over to Papa and Miwa-san’s new house. But like always, the two of them were busy, and right now, it was just Juli and me in the house.)

Juli: They asked you to organize the photos taken at the wedding ceremony, right?

Ema: Yes. Papa said that there were so many photos of the brothers that they still haven’t been touched.

Juli: Certainly, if that many people are gathered, it’ll be hard work to organize the photos.

Ema: Yeah, if we don’t get started soon, the sun will set.

Juli: That’s true, so let’s get started right now.

Ema: Yes!

Juli: Hm, what’s this? Haha! Chi is pretty cute in this one, huh?

Ema: Ehh, which one? I want to see!

Juli: Here.

Ema: … Why am I eating cake with such a serious face…?

Juli: Gluttony is a good look.

Ema: Erghhh....

Juli: Ahh, this one is of Kaname. When he’s not talking, he’s a handsome man.

Ema: Ahaha, that’s true! Hey hey, Wataru-chan is super cute in this one!!

Juli: Isn’t that… a photo of when Wataru and Masaomi made a speech at the reception?

Ema: Yeah. When it looked like Wataru was starting to ad-lib in the middle, Masaomi couldn’t keep up, and got really impatient.

Juli: This is a photo of Tsubaki and Azusa singing together.

Ema: Speaking of which, Tsubaki and Azusa’s song was really well-done! Their harmony was pretty, which I thought it was as expected (of the twins).

Juli: Oh, this one is of Yuusuke.

Ema: … Why are there so many photos of Yuusuke-kun eating dinner…?

Juli: Haha, he couldn’t lose to Chi in wearing gluttony.

Ema: Juli, stop it… Oh…? There don’t seem to be many photos of Iori-san and Fuuto-kun…

Juli: Those two were always surrounded by female guests, so there probably weren’t many chances to take photos of them?

Ema: That’s right…

Juli: … Anyway, it’s definitely a spectacle when the brothers are gathered together. I would be happy just going through photos like this.

Ema: Very true.

(The me up until last year could not have imagined this situation. To be surrounded by so much family… Right now, I’m really happy.)

Juli: To have forgotten our original purpose, even while looking straight at it, such weakness.

Ema: Hehe, indeed. Let’s hurry up and finish, and then after collecting them, take our time looking! Miwa-san did tell me, “There are unused albums on a shelf”...

Juli: Do you see something like that…?

Ema: Hmm, I wonder if she forgot to place them…? Ah, perhaps they’re inside this box?

(There was a brand new box in the corner of a shelf. Inside it were many envelopes, and a notebook.)

Ema: … Mm? What’s this?

Juli: Hm, a maternity health record book?

Ema: The child’s name is “Ema Nagami”...? Ema is my name though… but “Nagami”...?

Juli: ……!!

(...... What is this apprehension…!?)

Ema: Hey, Juli… This here… The parents’ names are… Kenji and Yukie Nagami… “Yukie” is my mom’s name. … But “Kenji” is…?

Juli: …

Ema: I… I don’t understand the meaning of this… My dad’s name is Rintarou Hinata. Rintarou Hinata, right…? What’s this…?

Juli: H-hey! What are you doing, Chi!!?

Ema: …… Looking for more! This has to be a mistake……!

Juli: Chi… You should stop…

Ema: What’s this…?

(From an envelope that was in the box, an old photo somehow came out. It was a photo of Papa and a man I didn’t know… And, the man I didn’t know was holding onto a baby… The man’s smile was truly happy…)

Ema: There’s something written on the back… This, it’s my birth date… “With Kenji and Ema”?

Juli: Chi…

Ema: … What is… this…?

Rintarou: I’m home--

Ema: ……!?

Rintarou: Ahh, Ema. You’ve come.

Ema: Papa…

Rintarou: Work ended earlier than I thought it would today. Since I heard Ema was coming, I came home quickly.

Ema: ……

Rintarou: …… Ema?

Ema: ……

Rintarou: ……! Where did you get that photo…!?

Ema: …… While organizing the photos from the wedding, I found this box by chance……

Rintarou: That box…!

Ema: Hey, Papa. The maternity health record book that was in the box, that’s not mine, right…? Because, I don’t know the name “Nagami”... And, who’s “Kenji Nagami”...?

Rintarou: Th-that’s…

Ema: Where it says Ema… Yukie… it’s just a coincidence, right…? It just happened to be the same as Mama’s and my names, and has nothing to do with us, right…!?

Rintarou: ……!

Ema: Hey… Say it’s wrong, Papa… Say it’s not about me…! Say it’s not my record book…! Because, this isn’t Papa’s name…!? My dad’s name is “Rintarou Hinata”, my mom’s name is “Yukie Hinata”, and I… I’m… “Ema Hinata”, right…!?

Rintarou: Ema…

Ema: I don’t understand this photo! Who is this person by Papa…? Why does it have my birthdate and name written on the back…? I don’t know this photo! I don’t know this man! The baby in this photo… isn’t me!!!

Rintarou: ……

Ema: Because… Because… My dad is……!

Rintarou: Ema… I’d like to say something.

Ema: …...o.

Rintarou: Eh…?

Ema: No! What you’re going to say… I don’t want to hear it!!

Rintarou: H-hey! Wait, Ema!!

(Just earlier, I was laughing and saying I was happy...

I ran from the room, to flee from reality…)

---

(How long will I be here like this…

Even so, I can’t get up from this park bench.

… The tears won’t stop.

I’m definitely not my dad’s child.

That’s probably what Papa wanted to say.

The maternity health record book and photo.

Even though when I look at those items, I can understand it in my head, I’m scared to hear it from Papa directly…

If I hear those words from none other than Papa’s lips, I feel that I will become all alone…

No matter how much I cry, the tears keep coming one after another.)

---

Kaname: What’s up, Imouto-chan.

Ema: …… Kaname-san?

Kaname: The day’s gotten dark, and it’s dangerous to be in this kind of place by yourself, you know?

Ema: ……

Kaname: Are you crying?

Ema: I, I’m fine.

Kaname: … My precious little sister, even with such swollen eyes, can’t simply answer “Yes, that’s right”, huh.

Ema: … Um, Kaname-san, how are you here…

Kaname: Rintarou-san contacted us at home. Said you’d ran off. Right now, everyone’s looking for you.

Ema: … Everyone?

Kaname: Yup. … We also heard about your situation.

(I see… So everyone already knows.)

Kaname: Hey. Do you feel like going home yet?

Ema: ……

Kaname: I see I see… I think it’s not unreasonable for you to be confused. I understand the feeling of wanting to be alone to cry.

Ema: … Kaname-san wouldn’t understand. Not about my feelings…!

Kaname: That’s true. I can’t understand 100%. But, I can imagine. Having something that you’ve believed up until now being shattered… Perhaps not knowing where to put your faith?

Ema: ……

Kaname: I’m a monk, remember. People that are suffering, people that are sad, I see many of them. That’s why right now, I can understand what kind of feelings you have.

Ema: I… see…

Kaname: However-- This is a problem only you can overcome. I can’t tell you what to do.

Ema: Eh…

Kaname: Whether you accept that you’re Rintarou’s adopted daughter, or not, is something only you can decide.

Ema: … Please don’t say that! That… If I accept that, I’ll…!

(I feel… I’ll truly become alone…)

Kaname: … I’m sorry.

(--Eh?)

Kaname: For saying that even though you don’t like it.

(Kaname’s arms wrapped around me tentatively…)

Kaname: I said earlier, that this is your problem. I can’t change that. … However.

Ema: ……?

Kaname: I can support you as you overcome this. If you need it.

Ema: Kaname-san…

Kaname: It’s okay to not smile if you can’t, and it’s okay to cry as much as you feel like. However, you can’t turn your eyes away from the problem. You have to overcome this, okay?

Ema: ……

(Quiet but powerful, Kaname’s voice went straight to my heart… There was none of the normal lightheartedness or playfulness…)

Ema: … I.

Kaname: Hm?

Ema: I thought Kaname-san would have more gentle words at such a time…

Kaname: Mm, is that so?

Ema: Yes… But somehow, I’ve opened my eyes.

Kaname: Opened your eyes?

Ema: I ran without listening to Papa’s side, and regret that. Even though I should have heard what he had to say properly...

Kaname: Yes.

Ema: I’ll… go talk to Papa. There has to be some deep reason for why he’s kept such an important thing secret until now… It’s not too late now…. Is it?

Kaname: It’s not late. I expect that Rintarou-san has been waiting for you to say this.

Ema: Yes…

Kaname: You’ll be fine. I’m here by your side. For as long as you strive to overcome this, I will support you. --- You can do it.

Ema: Thank you… Kaname-san.

(Kaname’s arms were filled with strength… Somehow, I found them very reliable…)

Kaname: ……… How unusual. You haven’t fled.

Ema: Eh?

Kaname: I seem to have gotten caught up in the moment.

Ema: Huh?

Kaname: May I comfort Imouto-chan? Would it be alright to kiss?

Ema: Wha…! How did it get to this topic!

Kaname: Because, it seemed like that kind of atmosphere.

Ema: What atmosphere! Enough! (Please) let go of me!

Kaname: Ehhhh. But the mood was finally good--.

(Despite everything, Kaname-san is light-hearted…

However, I can’t run forever…

I must thank Kaname-san, who pushed me forward.

I’ll meet with Papa.

We’ll meet, and I’ll listen properly to what he has to say…!)

----

Comments

I think this is one of the few scenes in the game where Kaname gets closest to how he is in the novels? He's got quite a few scenes in the books where he has Talks with Ema. And frankly, he's one of the few people that will sit her down for personal conversations.

Regarding this scene in particular--

I'm not sure Ema is entirely overreacting? Sure, the actual shouting and such is a little dramatic, but this has been hidden from her her whole life (she's 17 at this date). Would I be able to stand to be in the same room as Rintarou at that time if I were her? Probably not.

Also, despite their whole talk about facing the problem, I'm not sure they're talking about the same issue? Kaname thinks that she's having issues accepting that she's adopted. Which, she is, but when he shows up, she's already getting there, but her issue is that she thinks she'll be alone. And nothing during this scene directly addresses that. All that talk about Kaname being close to a mind-reader, and ehhhhh, close but no cigar. At least Rui addresses it in the anime/novels.

I also understand that there may be some word limits on the scene, but Ema sure came around quickly. If only 2 lines of dialogue from someone could soothe real life scenarios as effectively!

As for my feelings on Rintarou--- Well, those anime screens of Ema cooking for herself, and taking care of herself when sick, when she was just a little kid, really stuck with me. Clearly, he's not been available, because I don't recall Ema going to him for help at any time. If he had been a more present parent, surely she would have turned to him more (or not, because forced plot reasons). And yet somehow, the two have a good relationship, but maybe it's just from movie magic.

#brothers conflict #asahina kaname #kaname asahina #passion pink #ema hinata #hinata ema #translation

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xomarauders · 5 years ago

Text

okay i’m posting it now cuz i can’t wait :) enjoy!

—

“I can’t remember how you take your tea.”

Remus looked up, the book in his hands falling to his lap as he saw Sirius standing in the doorway between the kitchen and the living room. His eyes were cast downward, and his shoulders were hunched inward, looking like a child who was waiting to be scolded by their mother. His bottom lip was tucked neatly between his teeth and Remus fought the urge to stand up and kiss it better. Sirius’ eyes were sort of glossed over and there was a melancholic look on his face mixed with pure agitation and confusion.

Azkaban had taken a lot of things from Sirius; Remus knew that. The dementors were vicious creatures who toyed with the happy memories of their victims and twisted them into faux nightmares. Sirius had spent twelve years with them and when he finally escaped, the man who came out was not the same as the man Remus once knew.

There were still instances of the old Sirius that Remus’ heart would melt for whenever they happened to appear. Like the crunch of his nose whenever he was thinking intently and the way he bounced on his toes whenever he got excited. The way his eyes lit up when Remus read to him and the barking laugh that was rare to hear these days. Little things like that made it bearable for Remus to withstand the screaming he woke up to every night and the blank expression that resided on Sirius’ face most of the time. It was heartbreaking to see, but Remus would bear it in the hope that one day, the Sirius he loved would fully return to him.

“That’s okay, Sirius.” Remus said calmly even as his heart sank deeper into his stomach. How many other details had the dementors made foreign to the man in front of him? “Just a splash of milk. No sugar.”

Sirius let out a disgruntled sigh and his eyebrows furrowed more. His bony fists clenched at his side as he became frustrated with himself and Remus thought for a brief moment that the frail bones may break under the pressure. Apparently, Sirius’ impatience was still intact.

“Okay.”

He turned and left the room, leaving Remus alone with his book once more. He couldn’t be bothered to focus on reading now, though, and set the novel down on the small coffee table before him. The sound of dishes clinking softly together came from the kitchen where Sirius was attempting to make the tea and Remus wondered if he should go in to help or stay put. It was always like that now. The decision making that should have been simple but seemed near impossible now because of the circumstance. Remus knew what he would have done fourteen years ago but things had changed—they had changed—and Remus was walking on pins and needles, waiting for the inevitable breakdown to come.

“Here you go.” Sirius’ voice brought Remus out of his mind and he reached forward to take the tea from Sirius’ outstretched hand. He took a sip, feeling Sirius’ gaze on him and his heart broke a little bit more as the taste of sugar filled his mouth, but it might as well have been salt because of the bitter flavor it left.

“Is it right?”

Remus looked up to the hesitant eyes of the man he loved and the hopeful gleam that was hidden behind them and smiled the best he could. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

* * *

“I can’t remember the lyrics.”

Remus had come home from the market to see his records scattered across the bedroom floor with Sirius sitting in the middle of them, head in his hands and tears streaming down his face. The record that was actually playing was instantly recognizable to Remus as Billy Joel’s “Turnstiles” and the track was “James,” making the whole scene that much more painful to bear witness to.

It would have been so much easier if James were here, Remus thought. James always knew how to handle the worst sides of Sirius, the two of them always having some sort of connection others couldn’t even comprehend and it jarred Remus not for the first time in his life that he ever believed Sirius could betray James Potter. How the war had twisted them, broken them down into fragments of distrust and paranoia.

“That’s okay, Sirius.” Remus said because what else could he say? What comfort could he possibly offer the broken man before him when he was partially to blame for it all? Remus had left him to rot in Azkaban just like everybody else did. He should have known better. He did know better.

“I miss him. I miss them both.”

Remus just nodded. There was nothing he could say that would banish the pain and anguish Sirius felt over losing James and Lily. He himself had yet to figure out how others dealt with such grief, how they woke up every morning claiming to feel better. All Remus felt was worse, with each passing day acting as a reminder that James and Lily Potter were gone from the Earth, taken in such a cruel and devastating way. The world had celebrated—the Dark Lord was gone! Let the light thrive! —but Remus had felt nothing but despair, a hole forever left in his heart. How could there be light with the two of them gone? They should have lived. Over him, Sirius, Peter and everybody else who had somehow survived that first war, it should have been James and Lily who made it out alive. But it wasn’t. Because fate or destiny or prophecy or whatever the fuck it was had made up its mind.

So, Remus sat down on the floor next to Sirius, and they cried for their fallen friends.

* * *

“I can’t remember how she died.”

Remus cringed, closing his eyes and willing himself to keep it together. They were standing there, he and Sirius, in front of the smallest headstone in the cemetery—it was all Remus could afford—looking down at the name scrawled across it.

Hope Howell Lupin

1938 – 1979

She was only forty-one when the cancer had finally consumed her. It was almost ironic that Hope had survived the early stages of the war and all the attacks against muggles but was defeated by some chronic disease that had no cure—magic or otherwise. It pained Remus to sit there and do nothing as he watched her wallow away to nothing those last few months. She had grown thin and frail that Remus had taken to carrying her around like a small child everywhere she went. A part of him was glad that Sirius couldn’t remember. It was hard on the both of them. Sirius had adored Hope and she adored him in return. He was so starved for motherly affection and she was so happy that Remus had someone who loved him that the two of them became fast friends. The day she died, Sirius cursed every star in the sky for taking away such a woman. He screamed about how unfair life was that it had taken her away, that he would die ten times over just to have her back. At the time, all Remus could do was watch Sirius yell into the night as he tried to understand his own feelings. He was never truly able to.

“It was a brain tumor.” Remus said and he hated how his voice cracked. “Cancer. Terrible.”

Sirius nodded minutely and they were quiet once more. After everything happened—with James and Lily’s deaths, Peter being assumed dead as well, and Sirius being locked away—Remus thought his life was an embodiment of irony. He had lost everyone that was important to him in a matter of two years when in all reality, he should’ve been first to leave them all. The wolf inside of him was bound to kill him one day, and Remus was okay with that. He never thought he’d have to be the one grieving.

He would have rather taken the former option.

The feeling of Sirius’ cool fingers intertwining between his own pulled Remus from his thoughts and he turned to the man beside him. Sirius smiled, albeit a bit brokenly, and gave Remus’ palm a squeeze. All the walls Remus seemed to have put up broke down in that moment and he fell to his knees, pulling Sirius down with him. It was as if all the emotions he had been holding in for the past sixteen years came flooding to the surface, making him crumble.

“Shhh, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Sirius whispered, delicate fingers running over Remus’ scalp.

“I’m sorry,” Remus stuttered, because he was. God, was he sorry.

“It’s fine, it’s fine.”

It wasn’t fine. It would never be fine. But Remus nodded anyway.

* * *

“I can’t remember our last kiss.”

Remus almost missed the quiet admittance of Sirius’ latest lost thought. Usually he sounded frustrated or sad whenever he talked to Remus about the things he couldn’t remember but now he almost sounded ashamed for forgetting such a thing. They were sitting on the back porch because Sirius was feeling too claustrophobic to be inside at the moment, gazing up at the night sky. Remus’ eyes would always find the moon while Sirius’ tended to linger on Regulus. Neither of them mentioned it, though.

“It was August. 1981. The 31st, I believe.” Remus said. He remembered it perfectly, the way it down poured that night, as if the universe knew what was about to come. “It was our last night together before Dumbledore sent me off…off with the werewolves.”

He took a breath to compose himself. It was the last good night before everything went to hell. The last good night the two of them had together before suspicion and paranoia drove them apart. Remus often wished he could go back to that night.

“We made love. You had left the window open and so the rain came in and chilled our skin, but we didn’t care. I just kept kissing you and you kept saying my name, like some sort of mantra or prayer. And afterwards we just laid there, arms wrapped around each other and legs intertwined. I didn’t want to let you go. I really didn’t. I wanted to…to run away with you that night. Just run away from it all. But I knew that we couldn’t. So, I just kept kissing you. Trying to memorize the way your lips felt on mine just...just in case.”

The silence between them seemed to stretch on for ages after Remus finished speaking. It was a lot to say, a lot of emotions to unpack. Remus was never good at talking about his emotions, but Sirius deserved this. He deserved to remember how much they meant to one another, no matter how much it hurt now.

“Remus?”

“Yes, Sirius?”

“I…will you kiss me?”

He finally turned to Sirius, who was looking at him sadly, silent tears streaming down his face. The moonlight illuminated his pale skin, offering an almost celestial glow on his broken appearance. Silver eyes that had long since turned to ash stared at Remus with such longing sorrow and the werewolf felt his heart break. Even though he was damaged, possibly beyond repair, he was still the most beautiful thing Remus had ever seen.

Remus nodded minutely and leaned forward, pressing his lips gently against Sirius’. It was soft at first, hesitant, but then Sirius surged forward, hands reaching up to cling onto the back of Remus’ neck and pulling him forward. Remus brought his own hands up to curl in long locks of dark hair that crowded Sirius’ face, urgent and desperate, holding on like he would be taken away from him again at any moment. He wouldn’t let it happen. This was everything, Sirius was everything.

They were together again. Despite the odds, despite fate, they had somehow found their way back to one another. And Remus was not going to let go.

They broke apart, hands still holding one another close, gasping for the same air and looking at each other like they used to, back when all that mattered was their love.

“Was that like how you remember?”

“Yes,” Remus gasped, and he smiled genuinely for the first time in years, “Exactly how I remember.”

#remus lupin #sirius black #wolfstar #wolfstar angst #remus lupin angst #sirius black angst #post azkaban #harry potter fanfiction #angst #happy ending #james potter #lily evans potter #jily #peter pettigrew #memory loss #💭 by kat

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petriichvrs · 4 years ago

Photo

ONE YEAR OF NOXTMS / five dyanmics with two bonus !

more thoughts / information under the cut !

001. 𝐃𝐔𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐘 𝐃𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘 & 𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘. ( @ddudleys )

every single day, i think about this pair & just how unexpectedly ... brilliant they are. i hope by now my love of dudley is just very apparent, but if it ISN’T - i love his character so, so much, and i think you’re an incredibly talented person for being able to give him this whole personality and existence beyond the end of the books that fits with his canon so well and still gives him his chance to be a good person. dudley & ginny bonding following the war, attending support group together ... ginny telling him wildly incorrect things about the world for a laugh, the fact they have TOTALLY bonded even more over both being sports people, the moment where they held hands at grimmauld place, everything after ... jesus christ ! i can never ever be eloquent enough to express the way they make me feel, and the way that any new little insight into their dynamic be it by meme or by thread just makes them that bit more real to me, but i’m so grateful for this funky pair, and you better know it !

002. 𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐔𝐒 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐘 & 𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐀 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐘. ( @dolors )

tell me a year ago that someday i’d actually care about the malfoy family and i’d have FOUGHT you over it - at no point did i ever expect to pick up narcissa, and after i did, i never expected to get such a complex and amazingly thought out lucius to write opposite of. i still remember the moment where blo and i realised you were going to bring him, and the EXCITEMENT we felt at the fact that this individual i already knew semi okay who was writing such an excellent interpretation on hermione was going to bring us a character who can be so polarising, in a lot of ways. the hope ? the willingness to die for you immediately, simply because you were going to DO it ? cherry i cannot believe there was ever a time where we were not friends in the way we are now, and i REALLY can’t remember an instance where i didn’t have malfam + lucissa to get me through my day. they’re my emotional support morally grey family who think of themselves first & foremost and everyone else after, okay ? lucius is a lot of things, and you do such a good job at writing ( and acknowleding ) them, but inside the walls of malfoy manor he’s narcissa’s honey bunch with an unhealthy emotional attachment for his peacocks & brilliant taste in erotica novels for their next book club session.

003. 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐄 𝐙𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐍𝐈 & 𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘. ( @ofzvbini )

mozzie, let’s not cut straws on this one : holy fuck. holy JESUS. holy moley. all the holys. here is the thing - my love for blaise zabini as a character / concept and my appreciation for the blaise/ginny dynamic that could exist had NEVER gotten to be mutually exclusive until you came along. never ! it wasn’t something to feel hard done by, or anything, but... i kinda do, now, but for a different reason, which is that you’ve set the bar for characters SO HIGH in general and i’m never ever going to be able to find another interpretation of blaise that even remotely lives up to yours, nor do i think that anyone will ever be on the such a similar wavelength to me, when it comes this connection. the energy all around is just utterly UNMATCHED, and the fact that... even just rereading our replies from the last event to get this excerpt, i realised i wanted so badly to reply again right now immediately, because the sparring of their words and lets be honest, the PALPABLE sexual tension going on in that thread was so genuinely fun and entertaining. i just think you knock it out of the park so consistently with your characters and the connections you write with them. i could have said any of our dynamics - luna + ginny, luna + nazli, luna + narcissa, eulalia + niko, blaise + merry, blaise + narcissa, blaise + niko - YOU GET THE PIC ! i love u moz. please marry me under the moonlight i think it would be very romantic-

004. 𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐋𝐎𝐏𝐄 𝐂𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐑 & 𝐍𝐈𝐊𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐅. ( @pclearwaters )

i want in on record that penny clearwater is the love of my life, actually. i want it on fuckin RECORD, because the love i have for this character who gets paid nothing but DIRT in the series all because you took her up & gave her this whole life and character and storyline that made her into... like, a real person ? who makes me feel sometimes ... just very sad, but who also brings me such joy. penny & niko are another example of that fun little thing we do where we throw these totally different characters together and then see what happens ( usually the most perfect of unexpected friendships ). i loved the last thread we did between them most, because it was one of the first chances i had ever gotten to showcase that a side of niko not really seen so often, and his confusion at penny’s genuine beautific happiness was just ... really fun to write and get into. i truly think you do such a good job with penny, and i love the dedication you have to the clearwaters, full stop. here’s to many more of their weird lil interactions !

005. 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐎 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐅𝐎𝐘 & 𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘. ( @blondsnake )

six months ago, they were one of the dynamics i chose to talk about in the original meme. when i did it that time, the excerpt i chose was : “i’m sorry,” he tells her, voice cracking, and he doesn’t know what he’s sorry for anymore. for the sins of his father? for ginny’s ruined childhood? for the fact that he is draco malfoy, and not someone else? & the REASON i chose them was at the time we wrote that thread, it felt very... real and raw and human, to me. it felt like we were exposing a nerve. the malfoy / weasley dynamic is expanded on so much when it comes to every other weasley, and ginny’s interaction with the family she has so much of a history with, with the son of the person who really took a key role in what she went through as an eleven year old, was just... so non-existent that getting to touch on it in the way we did felt... incredbly important, and i remember the thread best for setting the continued tone.

i’m choosing them now because i never, at any point, thought that we would end up where we are right now. i spend a lot of time, now, thinking about them - i can’t believe i never realised just how similar they were as people, and just how much possibility existed between them, because so much does, and every time we talk more about them, i come away with the feeling that this is a connection that’s like once in a lifetime esque, and i’m SO lucky that i’m writing it with you. you know ? you’re an incredibly talented writer who has four incredibly well thought out characters, and i love that i get to write with them all, because ALL of them are a treat to write with. i always wanna hear your thoughts, i always wanna hear your ideas and concepts, i always love the posts you send me and the things we joke about - almost as much as i love the things we don’t. that first night we realised what we had here came from utter meme and became something very very important to me. i’m always thinking about ‘he gives her a long look’. if you know you know, you know ? !

006. 𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐀 𝐃𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐇𝐎𝐕 & 𝐍𝐈𝐊𝐎 𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐅. ( @rcveuse )

saz, i know we’ve only gotten the one thread started so far, and they’re newer... but can i just say, i’m really really glad that you decided to come back to nox, and i’m even more glad that when you did you picked up those specific connections of mine, because they were some of my FAVORITE ones on the page & had never really gotten their dues ? the niko one in particular, that amelia is filling - i remember writing it because i wanted him to have moments of his life that were happy, and the best way i could think to showcase his emotional side was via someone he loved for real. i always said niko loved fiercely and was just as fiercely loyal, but i hadn’t gotten the chance to write it, because he’s a character so difficult to put into positions where he would. he takes a long time to fully bond to people. even after he does... he’s just. odd. it was a v important connection to me, and i love amelia so much, already, and can see exactly what existed in her that he fell for when he did. i’m so excited to write them more, and i can’t wait to see where the dynamic that exists now goes !

006. 𝐊𝐀𝐄𝐋𝐀 𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐊𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐅𝐅 & 𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐋𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄. ( @taciiturns )

i love kaela. i know we know this. i know i’ve said it so many times, and i know i’m going to say it again, a million times more - but i really do love mikaela karkaroff, and i already had the niko connection, so i really shouldn’t have been greedy, but.... i didn’t imagine what’s come to exist between kaela & merry at ALL. it’s a very interesting dynamic built from very simple beginnings, and it’s become one of my most enduring merry connections - i think it made her more of a person, and i totally have you to thank for it. they’re such different people from such similar worlds, with such an interest in one another that i have such a difficult time explaining - IT WORKS, it so works, but it works in a way where i kinda have to admit i never even expected it, and i feel like i’m learning more and more about it with merry. that’s a very fun sort of connection to write when it’s with someone who loves their character as much as you do kaela, and i’m endlessly interested in where it’ll go !

#nox.task #mine*#nox.graphics

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deckyshep · 3 years ago

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Unholiest - Chapter One

Original story by R.D. Shepard. Genre(s): Historical Fiction, Supernatural, Romance Content Warnings: HIV/AIDS diagnosis, homophobia, homophobic/transphobic slur usage, missing person Author’s Notes: Thanks for reading! This is chapter one of the Unholiest novel I’ve been working on for about a year now. It’s still in progress, but I’m excited to be able to share this first chapter with y’all. This novel was heavily inspired by a TTRPG series that I’ve been a huge fan of for a long time; with the uploading of each chapter, it’ll likely become apparent which TTRPG series it is, haha. Enjoy! Summary: Mac Whelan and Drew Kelly are a young, openly gay couple in the early 1980s, living in NYC and struggling to make ends meet. It’s hard enough being out of the closet in the midst of the AIDS crisis—but when Mac suddenly goes missing, Drew struggles with the grief of losing the first man he ever loved while also dealing with the existential dread of his own mortality. When he discovers what happened to his fiancé, though... heads will roll.

It had been almost an hour, and the doctor hadn’t even walked in yet. Mac Whelan and his fiancé, Drew Kelly, sat impatiently in the office. Drew’s hand was holding Mac’s leg down, as he had a tendency to bounce his leg when he was nervous. They’d ran out of conversation to distract each other with, so they simply leaned against one another, keeping their eyes on the door.

“You know it’ll be fine, right?” Mac whispered, turning his head to kiss just below Drew’s ear, and Drew sighed.

“Please don’t make me have this conversation again.” Drew rubbed Mac’s knee gently. “We don’t know that, and you’re not making me feel better by heightening my expectations.”

Mac grinned a little. “No, I know. I just wanna rub it in your face when the tests come back negative and it turns out I was just dehydrated.” Drew scoffed, rolling his eyes with a smile. “You know I’m gonna be right. I drank so many Sex on the Beaches that night, and exactly one bottle of water. I’ll admit, that was my fault, but that’s all that—”

They both sat upright when there was a knock at the door. “Come in,” Drew quickly said, and the doctor walked in. He was a bald-headed man with thick-rimmed glasses and a long white doctor’s coat that covered a crisp, plaid button-down.

“Mr. Whelan,” the doctor greeted Mac, shaking his hand before sitting down at the desk. “And… Drew, right?”

“Yes, sir,” Drew answered a little too quickly. “Dr. Stannard, did you… get anything back?”

Dr. Stannard nodded. “If you remember correctly, Mac, we tested you for HIV.”

Drew’s hand was tightly held in his fiancé’s as Mac’s leg bounced nervously in his seat. “Right.”

“Which stands for Human Immunodeficiency Virus.” The doctor set down a clipboard, removing a couple of papers from the board and looking them over. “It’s a virus that, depending on the patient, can remain dormant for many years, or start attacking the immune system right away. You were at risk due to your relationship with another man, and after your last spill, we’re all very glad you came in to get tested—”

“Can you just cut to the chase?” Drew interrupted.

Mac squeezed his hand, chastising him with a look. “Baby, he’s trying to make sure we know the facts. Even though I don’t have HIV, it’s important that we stay safe. Right, Stannard?” The doctor opened his mouth to speak, then closed it with a soft sigh. Mac felt his mouth go dry. “Doc?”

“Mr. Whelan, I’m sorry. Your tests came back positive.”

Drew’s grip on his hand grew painfully tight, and Mac blinked. “Excuse me?”

The doctor furrowed his brow, obviously never enjoying this part of the job. “You tested positive for HIV, Mac. Moreso, we’re afraid the virus is working faster than we’d expected. Mr. Kelly, if you have been his only sexual partner, you’re going to need to get tested as well so we can make a care plan for both of you.”

Mac heard Drew start to cry, but he couldn’t really feel anything. Not the pain from Drew squeezing his hand, not the tears soaking into his shirt sleeve, not the coldness of the room. “I… No, there’s gotta be a mistake.”

“These tests are ninety-nine percent accurate, Mr. Whelan.” The doctor sighed, setting his hands flat against the desk. “I know this is difficult to hear. And I’m genuinely sorry for having to be the person to bring you this news. I will answer whatever questions you have for me.”

“Is…” Mac shook his head. “Is there a treatment right now? Like—there has to be something, right? We can do something about this?”

The doctor looked solemn as he spoke. “We have some experimental trials going on right now, but as of right now, we don’t have anything to actively fight the virus yet.”

“This is bullshit.” Mac said it quietly at first, like he was still comprehending it, but then he stood up suddenly, letting go of his fiancé and beginning to shout. “This is bullshit! You don’t have anything? Are you fucking kidding me?” Drew tried to take his hand to calm him down, but he pushed it away. His face was beet red. “Half the gays in Manhattan have HIV and no one’s doing anything about it! This is fucking bullshit!”

Dr. Stannard shook his head, genuinely looking remorseful. “Mr. Whelan, I’m sorry. We’re doing what we can. Finding funding for HIV research has been… difficult.”

“I don’t—” Mac grabbed at his own hair, as though to keep himself from doing anything he’d regret. “You don’t… you don’t have anything?” His voice grew quieter, and he sat down in the chair, staring at his lap in defeat. Drew wrapped an arm around his shoulders, trying to suppress his own tears. “How long do we have?”

“It’s hard to say, Mac.” Dr. Stannard clasped his hands together, sighing. “It might be a couple of years. It could be a few months.”

“Months,” Mac repeated hollowly, reaching up to hold Drew’s hand. “Fuck.”

Love of my life,

It’s worse than they thought. I might not live to see next year. I needed to tell you, but I didn’t know if I had the strength to tell you face-to-face. You have to get tested, baby. Get some treatment before it gets worse. And before you start blaming yourself, I don’t blame you in the slightest. This HIV shit is a silent killer. The doc said people can go years without knowing it’s in their bodies. There’s no way you could’ve known you had it. Make sure you check up on Willie, let him know he might have it, too.

I found someone who’ll take care of it for me. It’s not a cure, but it’ll keep me from dying painfully.

Please don’t look for me. You have to live the rest of your life happily without me. I know you can do it. Find another man who’ll make you feel like the queen you are, baby. You deserve so much better than to watch me die. You have to live.

I know this isn’t easy. I know it’s so fucking hard, and horrible, and painful. I didn’t want to leave. But I’ve weighed the options, and letting you watch me die is the worst thing I could do. You’re the most wonderful man in the world, baby. You’re so perfectly imperfect to me. I’d kill anyone in the world just to be with you one last time.

Feel your feelings. I know you’ll be depressed, pissed, begging for one last chance. You feel those feelings as deeply as you can. But you have to move on from them so you can feel happy again with someone who’ll treat you better than I did.

If you have to, forget me. If it makes it easier to move on, pretend like I never existed. But know that I love you like the sky loves its stars, framing them like the beauties they are. I love you like the tides love the moon, moving every night at her command. I love you like a prospector loved gold, traveling thousands of miles just to get a glimpse of the stuff.

And most importantly, I love you more. I will never forget you, Drew.

Lover-boy

“Drew Carey, I know you’re in there. Come here and open this damn door before I bust it down.”

Drew Kelly sat on the kitchen floor, hugging his knees to his chest. He wore nothing but a pair of red boxer briefs and that white, red-trimmed shirt Mac had gotten at his first concert, the one that was big enough to be baggy on Drew. His red hair, normally pulled back tightly into a bun, was hanging down messily in his eyes. The record player sat on the kitchen counter just above him – it was playing Love of my Life by Queen, one of Mac’s favorite singles.

He couldn’t hear himself crying anymore, couldn’t feel the tears burning his red cheeks. It took a couple of times for him to hear Deloreah’s voice through the front door, and even then, he didn’t think he had the strength to get up. But once Deloreah made that threat, he sighed, wiping his eyes and stumbling up to his feet.

Deloreah’s face quickly changed from stern to pitying as soon as Drew opened the door – he wouldn’t even look up at her. “Oh, baby.” She immediately stepped inside, wrapping her arms around the redhead and embracing him snugly. “Thank you for openin’ the door, baby. Let’s go sit down, sweet boy – you look like you’re about to pass out.” She closed the door and locked it before leading him to the beat-up, hideous red couch in his living room. Drew collapsed in his seat, and Deloreah kissed the top of his head, walking over to the kitchen to turn the record player off. “You ain’t eaten nothing today, I can tell.”

“Not hungry,” Drew mumbled, bringing his knees up to his chest and hiding his face down between them.

Deloreah sighed, putting her hand on her hip as she turned to look at him. “You gotta get somethin’ in your stomach, Drew. You’re gonna start gettin’ sick.” Drew didn’t respond, merely started sniffling. Her face fell, and she came back over to him, sitting next to him and beginning to rub his back soothingly. “I know, baby. I know it hurts. Nothin’ hurts more than losin’ the love of your life.” She took a deep breath, glancing around the filthy apartment. “But... it’s been three months. You haven’t even gone to the doctor yet. I don’t want you starvin’ to death.”

Drew began to cry quietly, keeping his head between his knees. “What’s the fucking point?” he whispered. “I love him more than I love breathing, and he’s just... gone. He’s just fucking gone.”

“He wouldn’t want you slowly killin’ yourself,” Deloreah started.

But Drew suddenly looked up at her, harshly wiping the tears drenching his face. “I didn’t want him to leave, but here we are!” He was beginning to ramble angrily – not at Deloreah, but at himself. “Nobody gets what they want! I met the love of my life at the wrong time, and now I’m gonna--” Drew’s face suddenly fell, and he let out a soft, trembling gasp, more tears streaming down his cheeks. “Fuck. I’m gonna die alone. I killed the love of my life. I gave him AIDS, and now I’m paying for it,” he sobbed, grabbing tightly onto his hair. “I was a slut! I was a fucking whore before I met him, and I thought everything was just gonna be okay, like a goddamn moron!”

“Shut your damn mouth for two seconds,” Deloreah said sternly, raising her voice just a bit. Drew clenched his eyes shut, pressing his face between his knees again. “You are not a moron,” Deloreah murmured, rubbing his back affectionately again. “And you weren’t no slut, either. You were living your life, sweet pea, and things got complicated too quickly. This doesn’t have nothin’ to do with you or anything you’ve done.”

Drew cried quietly, hugging his knees tightly. Deloreah sighed, scooting closer and pulling him into her side to hold him tightly. “It’s just bad luck, baby. It ain’t got nothin’ to do with you. Just bad luck.”

#rdshepardwriting #aids crisis #hiv/aids #fiction #supernatural genre #romance #original writing #unholiest novel #unholiest chap 1 #gay fiction #gay romance #lgbtq fiction #queer fiction

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thisbluespirit · 4 years ago

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James Maxwell TV/Film List

More of a guide than a recs list, because old tv/film depends so much on availability. It’s also hard as there’s nothing surviving that’s really like SotT for him (his voice is always slightly different, too & rarely the grand one from SotT) - I found it hard to find where to start back in the day, so I hope this makes it easier. However, I have starred my favourites (rated for JM content only).

I’ve divided things into categories and @jurijurijurious (or anyone) can make up their own mind as to what to go for. (Also @jurijurijurious I have NO idea what old telly you’ve already seen, so forgive me if I’m telling you things you already know.)

Where to find it: Luckily in the UK, it’s not too bad! Network Distributing are the DVD supplier to keep an eye on (they do great online sales), you can find secondhand things cheap on Amazon Marketplace & eBay, and several Freeview channels show old TV & film, especially Talking Pictures. I’ll note if things are on YT or Daily Motion, but they come and go all the time, so it’s always worth searching.

***

Film serials (ITC mainly)

British TV made on film in the US mode with transatlantic cash, so generally pretty light, episodic (continuity is almost unheard of) etc. Some turn up on ITV3 & 4 on a regular basis (colour eps).

*** Dangerman “A Date With Doris” (ITC 1964) James Maxwell is a British spy friend of Drake’s (Patrick MacGoohan) called Peter who gets framed for murder. Drake goes to Fake Cuba to rescue him by which time JM is dying from an infected wound and faints off every available surface, including the roof. It’s great. On YT. (The boxset is v pricey if you just want 2 eps.)

“Fair Exchange” (ITC 1964) JM is a German spy friend of Drake’s called Pieter who helps him out on a case. Not as gloriously hurt/comfort-y as the other, but it does have some excellent undercover dusting. (Why Patrick MacGoohan has JM clones all called variations on Peter dotted around the globeis a mystery.) On YT.

The Saint “The Inescapable Word” (ITC 1965) This is pretty terrible, but entertaining and James Maxwell plays the world’s most hopeless former-cop-turned-security guard. With bonus collapsing. On YT.

“The Art Collectors” (1967). JM is the villain of the week. It does include a v funny bit, though, where the Saint (Roger Moore) goes for JM’s fake hair (and who can blame him? How often I have felt the same!) This one’s in colour so should pop up on ITV3 or 4.

The Champions “The Silent Enemy” (ITC 1968). Surprisingly good JM content as the villain of the week who drugs sailors and steals their clothes before realising that maybe he should have worked out if he could operate a sub before he stole it.

The Protectors “The Bridge” (ITC 1974, 30 mins.) Not worth seeking out on its own, but ITV4 seems fond of it and James Maxwell gets to do some angsting and wears purple, so it’s worth snagging if you can, but too slight otherwise.

*** Thriller “Good Salary, Prospects, Free Coffin” (ITC 1975; 1hr 10mins, I think). James Maxwell moves in with Julian Glover and runs an overcomplicated murdery spy ring where they bicker a lot in between killing girls by advertisement and burying them in the back garden. What could possibly go wrong?? Anyway, it’s solid gold cheese, has bonus Julian Glover and a lot of natty knitwear. What more does an old telly fan want? (tw: Keith Barron being inexplicably the very meanest Thriller boyfriend.) On YT but tends to get taken down fast.

***

Films

Design for Loving (1962; comedy). Can be rented from the BFI online for £3.50. Isn’t that great or that bad (or that funny either), but does have JM as a dim layabout beatnik, which is atypical.

***The Traitors (1962). This is a low-key little 1hr long spy B-movie, but it’s also thoughtful and ambiguous with a nice 60s soundtrack and location work (it’s a bit New Wave-ish) and the central duo of JM and Patrick Allen are sweet and it all winds up with James Maxwell going in the swimming pool. One of the things where JM is actually American. (Talking Pictures show this occasionally & it is out on DVD as an extra on The Wind of Change.) The quality of the surviving film is not great, though.

***Girl on Approval (1962). A Rachel Roberts kitchen sink drama about a couple fostering a difficult teenager. It’s dated, but it’s also really interesting for a 1950s/60s slice of life (and very female-centric) & probably the only time on this list JM played an ordinary person.

***Otley (1969). Comedy that’s generally dated surprisingly well & is good fun, starring Tom Courtenay +cameos from what seems like the whole of British TV. JM is an incompetent red herring & there are more cardies and glasses as well as a random barometer.

Old Vic/Royal Exchange group productions

(Surviving works made by the group that JM was involved in from drama school to his death, made by Michael Elliott or Casper Wrede. I like them a lot mostly, but they are all slow and weird and earnest & not everybody’s cup of tea.)

Brand (BBC 1959). The BBC recording of the 59 Company’s (the name they were then using) landmark production, starring Patrick MacGoohan. This was a big deal in British theatre & launched the careers of everybody involved. It’s very relentless and weird but interesting & I’m glad they decided it was important enough to save. First fake beard alert of this post. It won’t be the last. On YT & there is a DVD, which is sometimes affordable and sometimes £500, depending on the time of day.

***Private Potter (1962). The original TV play is lost and this film has an extraneous storyline, but otherwise has most of the TV cast & gives a pretty good idea of why as a claustrophobic talky TV piece it made such an impact. Tom Courtenay is Private Potter, a soldier who claims to have had a vision of God during a mission & James Maxwell his CO who needs to decide what to do about this strange excuse for disobeying orders. Tw: fake eyebrows (!) and moustaches. Only available on YT.

[???]One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch (1970). Again, no DVD release (no idea why), but it is on YT. I haven’t seen this yet, but it’s another Casper Wrede effort starring Tom Courtenay and apparently JM is especially good in it. (I’m just not good at watching long things on YT and keep hoping for a DVD or TV showing.)

Ransom (1974). A more commercial effort starring Sean Connery & Ian McShane; it gets slated as not being a good action movie, but is clearly meant to be more thinky and political with the edge of a thriller. JM’s part isn’t large but Casper Wrede shoots his friend beautifully, & it’s a pretty decent film with nice cinematography, shot in Norway, as was One Day. I liked it.

[I think this post might be the longest in the world, whoops. Sorry!]

Cardboard TV (the best bit, obv)

One-off plays etc./mini-series

Out of the Unknown “The Dead Planet” Adaptation of an Asimov short story; this is very good for JM, but hard to get hold of unless you want the boxset. I think someone has some of the eps on Daily Motion. (His other OotU ep is sadly burninated.)

The Portrait of a Lady (BBC 1968). Adaptation of the novel; JM is Gilbert Osmond, so it is great for JM in quantity and his performance, but depends how you feel about him being skeevy in truly appalling facial hair. Do the bow ties and hand-holding make up for it? but he’s in 5 whole episodes, and Suzanne Neve, faced with Richard Chamberlain, Edward Fox, and Ed Bishop as suitors, chooses instead to marry the worst possible James Maxwell. Relatable. XD

***Dracula (ITV 1968, part of Mystery & Imagination). JM is Dr Seward, fainty snowflake of vampire hunters, who falls over, sobs and can’t cope for most of the 1 hr 20 mins. More facial hair, but not as offensive as last time. Suzanne Neve is back again, although now JM is nice, she’s married Corin Redgrave, who’s more into Denholm Elliott. Anyway, I love this so much because it turned out that I love Dracula as well as shaky old TV with people I like in getting to fight vampires and all be shippy. Good news - TP keep showing M&I, the DVD is out, and there are two versions of it up on YT.

The Prison (Armchair Cinema 1974). This is the one with Lincoln in it, but it’s not that great & JM isn’t in it that much, so depends how curious you are for the modern AU! (But my Euston films allergy is worse than my ITC allergy, and I watched this when very unwell, so I may have been unfair.)

Crown Court “Fitton vs. Pusey” (1973) - part of the Crown Court series, set in a town full of clones who all keep returning to court. JM is on trial for his behaviour in (the Korean war? I forget?) although he ought to be on trial for his terrible moustache. It’s not that great, but it is nice JM content. He probably did it, but for reasons, and he wibbles & panics whenever his wife leaves the courtroom. Also on YT.

*** Raffles “The Amateur Cracksman” (ITV 1975) - He is Inspector Mckenzie in the Raffles pilot & is a lot of fun. At one point when there was a Raffles fandom someone in it claimed he was too gay for Raffles, which I’m still laughing about, because Raffles. Anyway, watch out if you try to get the DVD because it is NOT included in S1, whatever lies Amazon tells. It is up somewhere online, though, I think.

Bognor “Unbecoming Habits” (1981). Some down marks for possibly the worst 80s theme & incidiental music ever, but fun & has been shown on Talking Pictures lately. JM is an Abbot running a honey-making friary that is actually a hotbed of spies, murder, gay sex and squash playing. This is the point at which he chooses to strip off on screen for the first time, because strong squash-playing abbots do that kind of thing apparently.

Guest of the week in ongoing series/serials

Since even series with a lot of continuity tended to write episodes as self-contained plays (like SotT), these are usually accessible on their own.

Manhunt “Death Wish” (1970). This is one of the most serialised shows here, but this episode is still fairly contained. WWII drama about three Resistance agents on the run across France. JM is... a Nazi agent & former academic trying to break an old friend (one of the series’ three leads, Peter Barkworth) with kindness, possibly?? (Manhunt is very angry and psychological & dark and obv. comes with major WWII warnings (& more if you want to try the whole thing), but it’s also v good.) Up on YT, I think.

Doomwatch “The Iron Doctor” (BBC S2 1971). “Doomwatch” is the nickname of a gov’t dept led by Dr Spencer Quist that investigates new scientific projects for abuse/corruption/things that might cause fish to make men infertile etc. etc. JM is a surgeon who comes to their attention because he’s a bit too in love with his computer for the comfort of one of his more junior colleagues. (I think it’s perfectly comprehensible & a nice guest turn, but it is hard to get hold of outside of the series DVD. Which, being a cult TV person, I loved a lot anyway, but YMMV!)

***Hadleigh “The Caper” (S3 1973). Hadleigh is a very middle of the road show, but watchable enough (lead is Gerald Harper, who’s always entertaining) and this is pretty self-contained as it centres around an old con-man friend (JM) of Hadleigh’s manservant causing trouble by pretending to be Gerald Harper, for reasons. JM seems to be having a ball.

Justice 2 episodes, S3 1974. He guests twice as an opposing barrister & gets to be part of some nice showdown court scenes. Again, a middle of the road drama, but stars Margaret Lockwood, who was still just as awesome in the 1970s as she was in the 1930s & 40s. On YT.

Father Brown “The Curse of the Golden Cross” (1974). JM is an American archaeologist getting death threats; stars Kenneth More as Father Brown. Just a note, though, that 1970s TV adaptations tended to be really really faithful and this is one of the stories where Chesterton comes out with an anti-semitic moment... (JM was unconscious for that bit and, frankly, I envied him.) But otherwise lots of angsting in yet another fake moustache about someone trying to kill him.

The Hanged Man “The Bridge Maker” (1975). Confession time, I have v little idea what this one was about apart from Ray Smith being an unlikely Eastern European dictator, as this whole series went over my head and was not really my thing. (Ask @mariocki they’re cleverer than me and liked it & can probably explain the plot!) I don’t know if it’s available anywhere off the DVD but on a JM scale it was v good/different as he was a coldly villainous head of security & it wouldn’t be too bad to watch alone, but there was an overarching plot going on somewhere.

Doctor Who “Underworld” (1978). This is famously one of the worst serials in the whole of classic Who, but largely because of behind-the-scenes circumstances, not the guest cast. There is some nice stuff, though, esp in Ep1 (JM is a near-immortal alien who’d like to lay down and die but still the Quest is the Quest as they say... a lot) & it’s bound to pop up on YT or Daily Motion. The DVD has extras that include v v brief bits of JM speaking in his actual real accent (which he otherwise does in NONE of these) & making jokes in character. Honestly, though, this is the only DW where the behind-the-scenes doc is genuinely the most exciting bit as they desperately invented whole new technologies & methods of working to bring us this serial, and then everybody wished they hadn’t.

*** Enemy at the Door “Treason” (LWT 1978). This is a weird episode but I love it lots - from a (v v good) series about the occupation of the Channel Islands. (So obv warnings for WWII & Nazis.) JM is a visiting German Generalmajor, but he’s come for a very unusual reason - to ask for help from his brother-in-law, a blackballed British army officer (Joss Ackland). It’s all weird and low key and JM is doomed and nevertheless probably my favourite thing of his that isn’t SotT.

* The Racing Game 2 eps (1979). Adaptation of Dick Francis’s first Sid Halley novel Odds Against (ep1) + 5 original stories for the series. This is an interesting one - JM plays Sid’s father-in-law & they have a lovely relationship that’s central to the book BUT Dick Francis loved this adaptation and Mike Gwilym who played Sid and was inspired to write a sequel Whip Hand, which he tied in with TV canon - and adopted at least three of the cast, including JM. Which means that all the Sid & Charles fanfic is also JM fic by default and it’s quite impressive. (There’s not much but it’s GOOD.) On YT.

Bergerac “Treasure Hunt” (1981). Not a major role, but pretty nice & it’s one a Christmas ep of the detective show (also set on the Channel Islands) that involved Liza Goddard’s cat burglar, which was always the best bit of Bergerac.

His guest spots in Rumpole of the Bailey (1991) “Rumpole a la Carte” and Dr Finlay (1994) are both really just cameos, but both series come round on Freeview; the Rumpole one is funny and the Dr Finlay one his last screen appearance before his death the following year.

Not worth getting just for JM: Subway in the Sky; Bill Brand and Oppenheimer.

These films only have cameos but some quite fun ones and they come around on terrestrial TV: The Damned (1962), The Evil of Frankenstein (1964) & (more briefly) Far From the Madding Crowd (1967). (I think his cameo in Connecting Doors must be at least recognisable as someone spotted him in it just based off my gifs, but it’s not come my way yet.) I’ve never been able to get hold of any of his radio performances, not even the 1990s one.

ETA: I forgot The Power Game! This is the one surviving series where he occurs as a semi-regular (at least until halfway through S1 when he went off to the BBC to be in the now-burninated Hunchback of Notre Dame). This isn’t standalone, but it’s a good series and it is on YT. See how you go with crackly old TV before you brave it but it’s the snarkiest thing ever made about people making concrete and stabbing each other in the back. JM is a civil servant who tries to run the National Export Board and is plagued by Patrick Wymark and Clifford Evans as warring businessmen.

***

[... Well, now I just feel scary. 0_o In my defence, I have been stuck home bored & ill for years, and often unable to watch modern TV while trying to cheer myself up with James Maxwell, so I didn’t watch all of this at once. It just... happened eventually after SotT. /waves hand

But if anyone feels the need to unfriend my quietly at this point, I understand. /o\]

#james maxwell #masterlist #rec list #well sort of #1950s #1960s #1970s #1980s #there are some things i haven't seen #and some things i know to be extant but unreleased #everything else is burninated or status unknown

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welcometothebookreport · 4 years ago

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Weekly Wrap up: 12/20/2020 - 12/27/2020

It’s the end of the first week here at this blog, though technically it’s only the second day that we’ve been live. On Sundays, I’ll be posting weekly wrap-ups with what I’ve been reading all week, my thoughts, and hopefully a graphic that I’ve spent too much time on. At least that’s the idea. School may not allow for blogging much, but I’ll wing it when I get there.

In case the graphic doesn’t load, everything is mentioned down here again so there’s nothing to miss! Keep in mind, there will be spoilers for titles mentioned below the line, and also please do not spoil me if I’ve mentioned that I’ve not finished it yet. :)

This week I read...

In A Holidaze by Christina Lauren

This Time Next Year by Sophie Cousens

Serpent & Dove by Shelby Mahurin

Red Queen by Victoria Aveyard (in progress)

In A Holidaze by Christina Lauren

Rating: 5/5

Warnings: no hard warnings. This is a very light read.

Thoughts about this book

I picked this book as part of my December box for Book of the Month Club and I almost didn’t read it this month at all. After finishing Serpent & Dove though, I decided that I really wanted some holiday cheer since I didn’t have any. It’s a good thing I did because this ended up being my favorite read of the year, and right at the final buzzer too.

Our protagonist, Mae, ends up in a time loop when she makes a stray wish to the universe: Show me what will make me happy. I had my doubts about whether I would like the plot since it seems a little silly, and I wanted something with some substance. Pleased to admit that I was wrong about all of my thoughts at the beginning. Thing is, this book is silly. In fact, it’s downright hilarious and I laughed out loud so many times I lost track. It’s also serious in the right spots, but really it’s a tender story about getting your one true love. However, it’s not only a love story.

It takes a while for Mae to throw caution to the wind. Approximately two return trips to the plane (with a courtesy whack to her brother’s face, actually) in, Maelyn Jones decides that none of this matters because she’s just going to start over anyway. In a fantastic outburst, she barks at her dad not to eat the cookie (he’s going to break his tooth on it), and a slew of other orders because she’s so fed up with it all. Then we see this woman start living when she hasn’t been, and to be completely honest, you don’t even realize it’s happening at first.

She doesn’t realize it either.

Andrew Hollis is the older brother of Theo (and Theo’s been carrying a torch for Mae, it seems) and also the brother Mae has spent years of her life pining after. They’re wicked close, wondrously hilarious together, and by the end of the book - No. By the time I was a quarter of the way through, I was pretty sure I was going to be in love with him too. Half-way in, I knew I was.

I could go on and on about this book, but I’m going to spare you because a) I need to learn to be more concise with reviews and b) I really want you to read it and see if you love it as much as I did.

The Funniest Moment for Me:

I simply cannot pick one moment, but if I have to, I plucked the one out of my head that I thought of first.

When they were kids, Mae painted their initials on the bottom of a mug. The full thing of MJ + AH and it’s adorable. Later, Mae admits it to Andrew, and he holds it up to the light in an equally adorable way and realizes that he can still see it, even though it’s been painted over.

Favorite Scenes

I’d like to say the entire book, just for the record, but I can’t. Or can I? I kind of make the rules for my own posts, don’t I?

Every single moment spent in the boathouse, even the ones that made my eyes water. They’re so perfect together, and I just love this couple, and this story so much I can hardly begin to explain it.

What I learned from this story:

Mae is stuck in a rut. In a job she doesn’t love, living with her parents, and without the love life that she wants. The shift in her is a dramatic one, and you have to root for her. I know I did because I saw too much of my own traits in her. A job I don’t love anymore, a position in life I don’t want anymore, the list goes on.

Mae didn’t need the great love of her life to change everything, but she starts knocking down walls, and starts taking everything she wants. She tells the truth (that she has feelings for this man, that she hates her job,) and she tells Andrew. She quits her job in the twenty seconds of bravery that she’s always had, but has just unlocked.

So, if there is something to take away from this, it’s that you’ve just gotta go for it.

This Time Next Year by Sophie Cousens

Rating: 3/5

Warnings: Therapist Sessions, Mention of Miscarriage, A Garbage Parent, Depression, and Anxiety. Please mind that these warnings are for mentions inside the novel as well, and not necessarily something that happens to either of the leads.

Thoughts:

This one was part of my November box for Book of the Month Club! I decided to read this since NYE is right around the corner, and bam, this one happens to open on NYE.

I enjoyed this book. It was a fun romance, but it was more than that too. Minnie Cooper believes in a New Years jinx that started the night she was born, when her mother helps another woman through labor and delivery, and this woman wins a prize for the first baby born. Not only that, this woman takes what was meant to be Minnie’s name: Quinn.

Listen, the joke Minnie Cooper was funny for about twenty pages before I really began to hate it. The book is over 300 pages. It’s one of those things I could deal with, but never really got past because it annoyed me so much. Moving on!

A chance encounter leads to the meeting of Quinn and Minnie at a birthday party on NYE. As you can guess, it’s a party for Quinn. There are several encounters between these two through the book, and each one of them left me wanting to get to the next one.

The main storyline is told in a linear fashion, but there are flashbacks from both characters too. At first, you may not realize that these two have met before. Or maybe you do realize it and I’m just so oblivious it hurts. Probably that one.

I liked the romance, but what really caught my eye was the issues raised within the book. One character regularly attends therapist sessions in an effort to help themselves, in an effort to get better. The terrible issue of miscarriage is brought up (but this does not happen to either of our leads, but is still important!) and then we are living through a year in the life of these characters as they try to find what makes them happy.

I liked this book, but I didn’t love it. It ranked as a ⅗ for me for a few reasons. I wanted more development. The romance felt a little lacking in some spaces, and I’m not sure if that’s because I had just finished In A Holidaze the day before, but it felt lukewarm to me.

I appreciated the issues raised, and mostly enjoyed the way they were handled, but I wish some of them had been expanded on. I wasn’t a fan of brief time skips (where they could be a few months at a time) because it felt like a hole in the plot.

Minnie Cooper. It’s hard to get into a story where I dislike the name so much.

I just did not enjoy a part of the book that involved Minnie, her best friend Leila, and the proposal for Leila from her boyfriend that Minnie helped plan. It was meant to be funny, but it was more cheesy and it fell flat for me.

Serpent & Dove by Shelby Mahurin

Rating: 5/5

Warnings: Misogyny, violence in parts, religious zealots (in case that’s something that makes you uncomfortable like it did me), derogatory slurs toward women.

This one has been on my TBR for a long time, and I finally dug into it. From the first day of reading, I was not sure I was going to finish it. Religion plays a central focal point to the plot of the first book, and one of my friends told me to press on, because it’s not as prevalent in book two. I don’t know about that yet, because I haven’t read it.

I have so many pages marked in this book for how much I loved it. Truly. Lou is witty, quick to snap, and Reid’s character development is something I’ve marveled at. Going in, I knew there would be a forced marriage, but I wasn’t at all sure how it would come into play. I have to admit, it was a pretty creative way to go about it.

Watching these two characters orbit each other, with each of their harsher exteriors beginning to come down has to be my favorite part, and the main reason I pressed through the parts that creeped me out.

Reading Reid say the word fuck was a highlight for me. I have so much to say about this one, but I’m planning to write a proper review, and to show my annotations, so I’ll save that for another day!

Red Queen (Red Queen #1) by Victoria Aveyard

Warnings: None that I’ve seen yet.

Rating: too soon to tell

This is a book club read for my friends and I. It’s taken a bit for me to get into, but these are some of my notes up to where I was last night at page 93.

It’s quite interesting, and books set in a dystopian world have never held my attention well. So, I’ve been struggling to really sink into it versus how well I fell into Caraval.

The main character is beginning to grow on me more, and I’m curious to learn more about Cal and Maven. I’m certain that Cal is going to break my heart (don’t tell me if he’s going to) and also what will happen with Kilorn now that Mare will no longer be living in Stilts.

I’ll finish it in the next couple of days, so hopefully I’ll have really grown to like it by next week’s post.

What about you? What have you been reading this week? Sorry this is so long too. Eventually I’ll learn how to be more the point because nearly two thousand words is kind of embarrassing.

#kelseyreads #weekly wrap up #red queen #serpent and dove #in a holidaze #young adult reads #adult romance #this time next year #christina lauren #sophie cousens #shelby mahurin #victoria aveyard

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hollenius · 4 years ago

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Sorry, I just really love interviews where Peter Buck talks about books. And also about crying at a Pepsi commercial.

https://www.courant.com/news/connecticut/hc-xpm-2001-10-14-0110140554-story.html

Edit: apparently this is not accessible in all countries, so I am copying and pasting the text under the cut. Contains some discussion of Michael Stipe’s lyric-writing strategies as well as tales R.E.M. reading all of Flannery O’Connor’s short stories while in the van in 1982, whether Faulkner or Hemingway or Fitzgerald liked music, intuition vs. hard work in the act of creation (and how writing a song isn’t like writing a novel), the relative effectiveness of specificity vs. generality in bringing about an emotional response in the audience (and, again, how songs aren’t like novels) etc.

RECONSTRUCTION OF THE FABLES: MARK LINDQUIST and PETER BUCK

THE HARTFORD COURANT October 14, 2001

Mark Lindquist: The only thing I did to prepare for this was to go through my CD collection, and the three bands that dominate my collection are the Beatles, R.E.M. and the Replacements. I listened to albums by each in progression, and one of the things I noticed -- maybe because I was looking for it -- is that each of these bands became increasingly interested in narrative, in story, as their career progressed. Do you think that happened with R.E.M.

Peter Buck: Absolutely. When we started out, Michael was trying to find a way of communicating that wasn't a literal language. He didn't want to string together sentences that told a story that everyone could agree on. I really respected that, the feeling that the narrative stuff has been done, love songs have been done, and this sort of Rorschach blot of words and emotions are a different way to approach telling a story.It also opens it up a lot, in that people can listen to these songs and, without knowing exactly what they're about, put themselves in the song. Michael told me recently: His theory is, name your 10 favorite rock songs of all time. Write them down. Then write next to them what they're about. Guarantee that you'll only be able to do that for two of them.

ML: Let's try that. Name your five favorite rock songs.

PB: "Like a Rolling Stone," "Fight the Power," "We Can Work It Out," "I Just Wasn't Made for These Times" and "Gloria" by Patti Smith.

ML: OK, "Like a Rolling Stone." What's that about?

PB: Obviously it's an aggressive song putting someone down, but I don't know who that person is. Assuming that I know a little about Dylan's life, it could be about the people who followed him around. It seems to be a portrait of someone who thinks they're a winner, who's high in society. Who that is, I don't know. I could be completely wrong. I don't know what Napoleon "who carried on his shoulder a Siamese cat" means.

ML: But you remember the line about those Siamese cats.

PB: With Dylan, you always get that. "The ghost of electricity howls in the bones of her face." That's from "Visions of Johanna," which is one of my favorite songs, but I have no idea what that means.

ML: How about "Fight the Power"?

PB: I would assume, being a white guy from the suburbs, that it's about being black, but I don't know. If the Beastie Boys had written it with the same lyrics, I'd have no idea.

ML: "I Just Wasn't Made For These Times" is from "Pet Sounds," which is chock-full of stories, at least in my mind. I may be imposing a narrative, because I listened to this CD when I left for college, and to me that album was about leaving home, going on a new adventure: "I once had a dream, so I packed up and left for the city." But that may have nothing to do with what Brian Wilson intended. Still, let's talk about R.E.M.'s progression toward stories.

PB: When we first started out, I know that Michael felt everything in rock and roll had been done. We didn't want to write a love song, or anything that could be construed as a love song, for 10 years.

ML: What would you say your first love song was?

PB: Well, it wasn't a love song. "The One I Love" is an anti-love song, but since "the one I love" is in the title ... we used to play it, and I'd look into the audience, and there would be couples kissing. Yet the verse is, "This one goes out to the one I love/A simple prop to occupy my time." That's savagely anti-love. But that's OK. People perceive songs as they are. People told me that was "their song." That was your song? Why not "Paint it Black" or "Stupid Girl" or "Under My Thumb"?

ML: But that's pop music -- Noel Coward's line about the amazing "potency of cheap music."

PB: It doesn't even matter, the value of the music. I've teared up at commercials.

ML: What commercial made you tear up, for God sake?

PB: The Pepsi commercial where the woman is depressed and the monkeys bring her a Pepsi. It was because of my life at the time, and not the commercial, but that's what pop music is, too. It's not necessarily what's written or even implied. It's what you as the listener take out of it. Which is why I tend to think songs that are less specific are more powerful.I've never cried at, say, "The Lonesome Death of Hattie Carroll" by Bob Dylan, which is a very specific song. I know that there's a woman named Hattie Carroll, and she was killed. But it was reportage. It never made me tear up, but other songs have. It's all about what you bring in at that moment, so narrative is not necessarily the most important thing.

ML: Do you think that works in literature? One of the things they tell you in Writing 101 is to make things more specific rather than more general. Is literature more powerful if it's less specific?

PB: Absolutely not. I think literature is a chance for someone like me, who's led a more or less middle-class life, to look into someone else's heart and mind and be shown a world that I don't know. When I was a teenager, I read a lot of African American literature -- "Soledad Brother" or "Invisible Man" or Richard Wright, and there were things that completely changed my life. The strength of literature is its specificity.

ML: Why do you think R.E.M.'s music has become more specific, more story-driven?

PB: I think Michael was trying to find a way on the early records to tell a story without telling a story. As he got a little older and became more comfortable doing the singing and being a public figure, the idea was still, "I'm not going to tell a story where someone says this is a song about ... " Now as a writer Michael likes to take a character he imagines and write from that perspective, tell a story in the first person. But it's not necessarily his perspective.

ML: When I saw R.E.M. in Seattle in 1999, I think Stipe introduced "The Apologist" by saying, "This is a story about ... " And "All the Way to Reno" is a pretty classic narrative. It reminds me of "That's Not Me" from "Pet Sounds," not musically or lyrically, but conceptually.

PB: "Reno," I'm sure that is sung from the perspective of a 17-or 18-year old girl. It has to be. I've never asked him.

ML: And "That's Not Me" is sung from the perspective of a like-minded 17- or 18-year-old boy. Bret Easton Ellis has said as you get older, you become more interested in narrative, in stories with a beginning, middle and an end.

PB: Part of it is definitely an age thing. When I was in my 20s, and my band was in its early years, we were capturing an experience, not necessarily thinking about the chain between the past and the future, which is what a novel is. As you get older, your life is less about capturing the moment and more about understanding what you're doing.

ML: Has Michael's progression or change as a lyricist been influenced by literature?

PB: I don't know. The only way I can say our band was directly influenced by literature was when we did our first big American tour in 1982, before our first EP came out. We were in a van, touring to nobody, playing songs no one has ever heard. I managed to find all three of the Flannery O'Connor short-story collections, and every member of the band read every one of the words in those three collections on that tour. We passed them around, pages falling out, putting pages back in, reading them with a light on at 2 a.m., going from San Antonio to L.A. I felt really strongly that it changed the way we thought about writing. I don't know why, because she writes about faith and the problems of faith in a world where there is no faith, and Michael wasn't writing linear dialogues, but when we made our first record, I think we all thought Flannery O'Connor was something we would emulate in some way.

ML: I can be listening to a particular CD or song that evokes a mood or a moment in a way I admire, and I will try to get the same effect into what I'm writing. Has the reverse ever happened to you? You're reading a novel or short story, and it works for you so well, you think you want to get whatever it is that works for you into your music? Do you take what you read the night before into what you write?

PB: All I can say is I certainly hope so, which is why I try to read good stuff.

ML: OK, other books that have affected you as a songwriter?

PB: Denis Johnson.

ML: Why?

PB: I don't know why. "Already Dead" changed me when I read it. I can't say why or how, but I felt like a different person at the end, in the same way that when I was a teenager, Pynchon's "Gravity's Rainbow" completely moved me.

ML: One of the things music can do for writers is that we can take a song, an idea in a song, or even a character in a song, and expand it into a story, or a screenplay, or a novel. Another thing music can do for writers is set a tone for whatever we're working on that day. Most writers I know listen to rock, but Kerouac talked about how he would do that with jazz.

PB: What do you think Faulkner did?

ML: I think he just drank.

PB: But do you think he put the 78s on? He probably wasn't a Glenn Miller guy. Was he a Duke Ellington guy? I bet Faulkner played records at his house. I'd be really shocked if he didn't play gospel stuff from the '30s and '40s, if he didn't listen to blues music.

ML: What about Hemingway?

PB: My feeling is he didn't get much pleasure in life. Having read his books, I doubt very much that he had an ear for music. I bet he loved music in the hills of Spain, dancing to it, no matter how good or bad it was. But did he go home and put on records? I doubt that very much. Now Fitzgerald, he found joy in life.

ML: And in drinking. It kept him from writing.

PB: He's another of those people who never really found what he needed to do in his life. I re-read "The Crackup" about a year ago, and there's a great quote, and I paraphrase, about how when I was young I wanted to be Byron, Don Juan, J.P. Morgan. All that is burned away. I'm a writer now, nothing else. Literature is something written out of deep understanding. Music is written more out of the intuitive. When I read great books, I refuse to think they just made it up as they went along. That's what happens in rock and roll.

ML: There are passages that come to you as a writer that feel like they wrote themselves. However, you unfortunately have to write the other 500 pages or so yourself.

PB: The good stuff occurs because you work really, really hard, spend your entire life immersed in one thing, and if you're able to let yourself go completely for that time it takes to do anything great. My superstition, though, is songs that are there that aren't written. I think every songwriter feels, "I'm really good at my craft," but the good songs pop up, and you always like to feel they come from somewhere other than inside of you.The night I wrote "Losing My Religion," I was drinking wine and watching the Nature Channel with the sound off and learning how to play the mandolin. I had only had it for a couple nights. I had a tape player going, and the tape has me playing some really bad scales, then a little riff, then the riff again, and you can hear my voice say "Stop." Then I played "Losing My Religion" all the way through, and then played really bad stuff for a while. I woke up in the morning not knowing what I'd written. I had to relearn it by playing the tape. That's where songs come from for me, someplace where you're not really thinking about it.That's what's different from literature. You can't sit down and let "The Great Gatsby" happen. The songs I write are four minutes long. You can disconnect from wherever you are for four minutes and find it. I really doubt you can do that for months with a novel.

ML: There's something that's always struck me as a little off about Peter Buck and Michael Stipe. Traditionally, the songwriter is thought of as the more intuitive, and the lyricist as the more lettered. The reality is you're the more lettered, and Stipe is the more intuitive.

PB: Michael has this amazing ability to absorb things. He doesn't sit around and read tons of books, but he does read. He probably reads more political literature than I ever have.

ML: It's funny, I know lots of novelists who wish they were rock stars, but I don't know any musicians who wish they were novelists.

PB: Hey, I'm raising my hand right here!

The poster has moved with me now for 15 years. It's part of a series for America's public libraries, featuring a very young-looking R.E.M., with Peter Buck, Mike Mills, Michael Stipe and Bill Berry each holding their favorite books. I'd love to know what Stipe is holding, but, like his early lyrics, the title is obscured. Peter Buck holds an Oscar Wilde collection, and that, along with a mention of Wilde in a Smiths song from the same era, "Cemetry Gates," conspired to send me to the library. Peter Buck's a tremendous reader. His Seattle home is filled with almost as many books as records. So we asked Buck to dine last week with his friend Mark Lindquist, whose music-infused novel "Never Mind Nirvana" gets like few others the profound way music can be not only a soundtrack to life but also a road map. We asked them to talk about how artists and musicians are influenced by each other. -- David Daley, Books Editor

#interviews #peter buck #michael stipe #r.e.m.#writing #music #mark lindquist

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