#rdshepardwriting

[deckyshep]

when other people are manic, they go out and have fun or drink or whatever. but when im manic, i publish poetry books

you can buy your paperback copy here!!!

[deckyshep]

fractured, 2 jan 2024

poem by @deckyshep

[text of poem under the cut]

it is beyond me to know who lives in this brain

i have tried countless times to commune with

the dead, only to find that i am not dead

who am i? it should be an easy answer

but it has never been simple enough

i am an amalgam of everyone i have ever been

everyone i have ever met

everyone i have ever tried to be

and everyone who has died beside me

a party of personalities

but more somber, like a wake

💀

there is a young girl here, who sings quietly

to her stuffed animals and plays with her dolls

she is easily spooked, do not raise your voice

keep your distance, she trusts too easily

remind her she is good and true but

she must use her own voice

💀

there is a teenage girl here, maybe seventeen

who paints her face in wild colors and has chopped

her hair short. she is quiet, but inside her is a

deep, pulsing rage — do not raise your voice

or she will throw it back at you threefold

remind her that she is not her emotions, that

she is not her father

💀

there is a young man here, twenty or so

he writes like there is no tomorrow, a hundred

pages a day. he is impulsive, he is scared

he clings to what is familiar. do not raise your

voice — he is a child at heart and begs for love

remind him what he is worth, what he is capable

of, and what he deserves, before he sinks

—r.d.s.

[deckyshep]

just in case / 20 december 2022

[links]

[deckyshep]

ode to HRT

original poem

written 26 november 2022

[links]

[deckyshep]

cold snap / 20 december 2022

[links]

[deckyshep]

happy 46th birthday

original poem, written 2 september 2022

“dad:

just a reminder…

my love

goes everywhere

you go!”

🌀

you kept that card

in your wallet

with my black

straight bangs

and

my beaming

seven-year-old

toothy smile.

🌀

did that kid’s face flash

before your eyes

when you died with a

tube down your throat

and an ICU full of

a hundred people

begging you

to hold on?

🌀

i know you wanted

to go to heaven.

did my love

follow you there?

did the almighty lord

see my love trailing

just behind you,

trying to keep up?

did he let my love

pass through the

pearly gates

at your side

as your soul

walked out of

the mortal plane

and into heaven?

do you still have

my love in your wallet?

and do you still open

it occasionally to

remind yourself

that my love is there?

🌀

we’re taught that heaven

is the epitome of

love and joy

in the embrace of

god himself.

but that single embrace

must get lonely,

right?

yes, you have the lord’s love.

but what about your wife’s love?

what about your son’s love?

what about your siblings’ love?

because everyone’s love

is different,

but it’s always love.

and sometimes you need

a specific kind of love—

the kind that only

a big brute of a dad

can give with his

incredible bear hugs,

the kind that i can

barely remember

but still cry about

eight years later.

—r.d.s.

[deckyshep]

too much, never enough

poem by @deckyshep

[links]

[deckyshep]

people pleaser, 10 jan 2024

[deckyshep]

heavy expectations written 20 september 2022 by r.d. shepard

[deckyshep]

my love is sacred

written 10 april 2022

my love is sacred,

but then again,

there is no love

that isn't.

my love contains

endless energy,

bursting with

anecdotes of excitement

and passion

and exploration

for my boundless

want to know you.

☀️

it surpasses

my intense insecurities,

the anxieties that

plague my mind—

because when i

hold your hands,

your warmth simply

banishes them.

my love is sacred—

it can withstand

panic, and rage,

and melancholy,

and jealousy,

and many a vice

that infects

the human condition.

☀️

and when i die,

i'd like to think

these words i write

will survive somewhere,

proving that

my love can even

live beyond me.

my love is sacred,

because energy is

not created nor destroyed—

it's merely transferred,

and one day,

centuries from now,

my love will still live on

in the life of another.

☀️

perhaps my love

will power

a generator

to keep a family warm.

perhaps my love

will thrive through

a computer's circuits

as a quiet author

types a love story.

perhaps my love

will join burning stars

or be swallowed

into black holes

or even rocket humans

across the galaxy.

the power my love has

is infinite.

☀️

know that

as i place a gentle kiss

upon your neck,

as i slide my fingers

through your hair,

as i whisper the words

"i love you,"

my love is sacred.

—r.d.s.

[deckyshep]

[more poetry here]

[deckyshep]

dead end, by r.d.s.

written 29 october 2022

more poetry here

[deckyshep]

crisis — original poem

written 16 october 2022 by r.d. shepard

[deckyshep]

BOY CRAZY BOY: A Queer Poetry Collection (written by me, R.D. Shepard) is now available on Amazon Kindle!

please support my career as a writer & poet by buying it here!

[deckyshep]

GAME OVER: A Trauma-Filled Poetry Collection is my trauma baby. i've got poems in this collection from as early as my first few weeks of transition, nearly four years ago. mental illness isn't a joke, but we can find some joy in the pain we feel. writing has been my solace through the years, expressing pain and discomfort and agony and anger and sadness and everything else that wrecks my shop. these poems have followed me everywhere, been through a lot of the bullshit that destroyed and rebuilt me — and i hope it can do the same for you.

find the ebook & (eventually) paperback here!

[deckyshep]

both the e-book and paperback versions of my poetry book, BOY CRAZY BOY: A Queer Poetry Collection, are now available for purchase!!!!!!