#took some guts
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Came back to my hometown today, went to my fav cafe. Saw a highschooler drawing, artist-to-artist communication happened. I asked: "Oh whatcha drawing?" She replied: "Do you know the show Breaking Bad?" I looked down at her sketchbook, and there he is… Jesse Pinkman…. Shirtless… drawn in pencil.
This Twinkman is just haunting me atp guys. I need to consult a psychic.
#JESSE PINKMAN#I DEMAND YOU TO LEAVE ME *ALONE*#STOP FOLLOWING ME#I KNOW IM TRANS OKAY???#Also as much as I don’t agree with minors drawing that type of stuff & proudly showing it to adults#the fact that she drew it in PUBLIC#took some guts#like girl….#it’s nothing to be proud of#breaking bad#a severe case#of the hauntings
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berserk was SO RIGHT to go so hard on these aesthetics for the protagonist and antagonist respectively. that's the tasty stuff
#you could almost say.... it took some guts-#haiz reads berserk#IVE GOT LESS THAN TEN VOLUMES LEFT TO READ :((((((
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How must Misako have felt when she realized that the best chance she had of keeping her family together was to tear them further apart first?
#sorry rewatching early seasons again I’m. ill. I’m ill#I’m ill about her realizing she’s got to leave lloyd bc it wouldn’t be fair or safe to drag him around the world looking for answers#I just keep picturing some horrible moment of clarity where she realizes her baby is the prophecy boy#how big of a pit of dread and fear and panic and desperation must have opened up in her gut#did she feel it the moment he was born? when he first opened his eyes? when he took his first steps? when he spoke his first words?#I just. rhghrhhh. god. god. the legos got me#halcyonia#ninjago#Ninjago Misako#misako montgomery garmadon
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"I had to know if I imagined things. And then I found your arrest records, you were just a kid…but the picture matched."
"Who...whose records did you find?"
Wanted to fill out a more detailed stat template and got carried away. The discord had a fun mugshot drawing prompt and it inspired me
#this took FOREVER and im totally procrastinating important shit to work on it but i had fun so its fine its totally fine#this was really fun#sorry corey for putting you through the torment nexus every time im stressed#another comparison of rebirth vs retri stats#this quote has been haunting me since I saw the mugshot drawing prompt#cuz COREY has never been arrested#theyre too paranoid and cautious for that#but they DO have a mugshot canonically#they dont look young enough in the photo imo but sidestep is supposed to look older than they really are so whatever#it was fun making these stat sheets look like some kind of weird file type the farm would use#corey would probably never have the guts to actually try to hack the farm and its probably impossible. but#whats the fun in having a tech step if you dont let them show off every now and then#plus it made for a neat retri stat sheet concept#corey rook#fallen hero#my art#oc lore#sidestep#fallen hero rebirth#fallen hero retribution#cw blood
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College (uni??) AU catering to my own interests as it should always be hehe :)
#projecting my major on Vash because them mfs who have changed from the med field majors to that one have some tragic things to tell#and also because I think that Vash would be such a wonderful designer I don’t know why it’s a gut feeling#Nai the law major because of course he would have you seen the guy#he would be a personal injury lawyer because lore#fun fact Nai rested for a semester after the incident with Vash while Vash took two.He never told Nai he would be changing majors#so it was a big big shock for him. they fought again but yk I’ll explain more on that if anyone is interested#as to Kni and WW I thought it’d be funny if they shared a common subject that required a lot of team assignments#and they can NEVER work out together. being an absolute nightmare to the rest of their group#separately they are great to work with. even if Kni can come off as too bossy sometimes he is actually a great leader#and WW would always deliver things on time exactly as it was asked from him#but Kni and WW just never really matched. Kni was too rude at times when WW made a mistake and WW would always clock him if he passed a line#like insulting his reasons for wanting to study security#one day Kni tells him at the beginning of a new semester where they both have unfortunately landed on a shared subject again#“you are not suited for that sort of job Wolfwood. you should simply give up and why don’t you go play role model to your little kids’’#then WW beats him again and then is like hey yk what you’re kinda right. and changed majors and he feels so much more at home studying#education/teaching than security. he fucking hates some things but the end goal makes it worthy#Trigun Uni! AU#because I don’t know how differently a college and a uni work#trigun#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun stampede#vashwood#trigun fanart#wolfwood#vash#Nai saverem#millions knives#lenssi draws#pen!
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now that the edit is done i will not be thinking abt it ever again. here’s a screenshot i took to test new world lighting. theo joy 💓
#river dipping#theodore doe#echthroi#ts4#ts4 screenshots#the nightmares i had over that edit and the amount of times i cried. well.#i wrote a whole thing for it but only took out the opening for the caption#it was… ugh. ridiculously hard to put to words.#and the edit itself was agony.#and i didn’t even want to post it by the time i got in game to take screenshots.#which is why i wound up redoing the pose over and over only to wind up back at the first pose i made for it#redid the screenshots like four times i think#just. i dragged my feet a lot#it’s.#hm.#well i really hated every step in the process of making the edit and i don’t like the way it’s made me feel#but when i sit with that sick feeling and the acrid taste of it i do feel like i'm finally saying something#like there's something real there.#i've just been feeling that punch in the gut for years and i'm getting it out finally#multiple times while working on the edit i recalled this message an anon sent me about feeling weird over aspects of what they#share about their ocs and i think at the time i said something about how i don't ever feel weird about intimacies shared but.#i am protective over the hurt in the past...#so suffice to say. probably won't be sharing another edit like that one for a long time.#anyway...#i just spent forever in these tags...#like. an hour. i'm going to go read a bit and probably journal some too#society if i could just channel my feelings over my ocs into answering oc asks 🏙️🛸
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Holy shit……
You know when I first read Meteor Impact a little bit ago it already wrecked me awfully. This particular scene of Chiaki’s probably hurt me most. Just seeing Chiaki starting to give in to his despair, to his misery that nothing he does is working out, that he isn’t being rewarded with support or help or anything after everything he’s done. Seeing this poor, bullied boy giving up is absolutely gut wrenching, especially after seeing how he’s like in present day stories in comparison.
But holy shit Yuichi Jose’s voice acting in this moment. The fact he doesn’t yell or scream, he barely raises his voice in this scene. For a scene like this you’d probably expect it to be louder….
But Chiaki sounds sooo….lifeless….
I listened to this moment and it utterly terrified me. Because it truly sounds like someone who is spiraling into the pit of despair, someone at the end of his rope. Someone who is just….DONE.
What would’ve happened if he didn’t hear his ringtone so soon afterwards, if he hadn’t received that phone call? It’s unnerving to think of…
#ensemble stars#chiaki morisawa#story time with me#I needed to share this scene with anyone who hasn’t already heard it#or doesn’t have enstars basic to hear it#because man….MAN…..#this whole story absolutely gutted me#my poor fragile heart wasn’t prepared but it was sooo good#and it was great to see how the ryuseitai I know and love so much took form#and getting some background on some of the other characters from other units#seeing how subaru and kuro were like with chiaki was especially interesting to me!#and I loved learning how chiaki and kanata met and how their bond came to be#this story really makes me appreciate present day ryuseitai so much more#especially how much midori tetora and shinobu have done for chiaki and kanata#but yeah jose knocked it out of the park here thank you sir#I am in eternal shambles…first felix in 3H now chiaki in enstars
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Dw icarus, this too shall pass
Funky version under cut
#Rearranging his guts amirite#Bros propably experiencing some approximation of period cramps#Okay Ill stop#malevolent#malevolent podcast#arthur lester#arthur malevolent#john malevolent#Kinda#Once again hes there but you cant really see him#God do i love matisses icarus#Does this count as some sort of body horror?#Or violence??#stab wound#stabbing#I counted how many times he was stabbed by the witch and added the one wound that took him down#Lets see if I got it right#my art#Flippin forgor to give him the throat scar and had to edit it in goddamit#Art
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god i hope liam Tragedy Enjoyer o'brien takes the "orym has been nigh-catatonic since the incident, with interspersed moments of him breaking off from the others to work out/recenter" situation from last ep and runs with it. i know tal was trying to carve in a little moment for them to have a talk to harken back to next ep, but i almost like it better if ashton went to talk to him but orym was just moving through his exercises with a thousand-yard stare the whole time
#critical role#i'm dual gutted that liam missed this ep#but also intrigued because idk if we would have gotten the chet/fearne scene or the fcg interrogation w him there#and also orym just Shutting Down in the immediate aftermath feels like an in-character compromise#(i mean there was like a 6 year gap between the attack and keyleth telling him to go out into the world and find some whimsy-#who knows how long it took him to get back up on his feet)
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Zero Day (2002)
#movies film cinema#zero day#ben coccio#I actually talked to the director on Facebook super nice guy and he told#me a lot about the filmmaking process and even helped me with tips on directing non-actors and new actors#I remember him telling me to always be supportive and tell your new actors they're doing a good job even if they aren't in the first take#cause you can instill confidence and still reshape and change their choices and mistakes later#Sometimes I'd message him for advice when I was running into problems on some of my early projects#he told me once ''did ya choose to collaborate with this actor cause you were lonely or you guys had passion and chemistry''#“collaborating is like a relationship” and he was so right#there's nothing worse than working with people you disdain cause there's no communication and no trust.#he told me how he wrote the first couple of drafts of Place Beyond the Pines but his take on the 3rd act wasn't clicking for the director#so he took the script and went and had another writer rewrite the 3rd act but he liked the process cause he learned a lot and still got pai#but I'd still like to see Ben Coccio's take on Place Beyond The Pines he says the 1st and 2nd act are mostly unchanged#Ryan Gosling's scenes are still mostly the same he said but he couldn't tell me too much cause of the NDA he signed#The bloopers of Zero Day are hilarious his tip he gave me about being supportive#“This is actually great but can we-” and Cal interrupts him “He says that no matter what if you're doing good or bad!” and everyone lols#I hope I can make it and ask him to collab with me on a script#He's such a nice dude compared to the harrowing film he made.#I wish there was BTS but he had only one tape to film on and this was made when digital camcorders were infants#I think he had only one 2 hour tape that's how low budget#The bloopers is just Cal or Andre secretly filming and Ben getting annoyed “Is it recording?” and Cal going “Nah..."#Cal is such a funny guy IRL I wanna see him act more cause he's so good. He was so great at playing a sadistic psychopath in this.#the final shooting is so harrowing and disturbing#I told Ben he srsly gut punched me/disturbed me and this is what made him really open up.
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Me, playing BG3: Gortash staged a mind-controlled coup! Perfect political intrigue.
Me, looking up the politics of Baldur's Gate: Oh this city's government is falling apart at the SEAMS.
#it's no wonder gortash took over with such unanimous support#do you know what that city's been through#the politics go like this: council of four (dukes. includes archduke) is the ruling decision-maker#the archduke only holds more power than the others by means of breaking stalemates#ravengard was in elturel bc another duke (vanthampur) staged for him to go there so she could take grand duke#she's dead now#dillard portys was the former grand duke before handing it over to ravengard and stepping down to normal duke#he's either a spineless coward or falling into senility. maybe both. hard to tell#gortash says his wits are failing. also apparently he's too easily swayed to be a good pawn#then stelmane. the only one with sense. was murdered#under the co4 is the parliament of peers. that's 50 people with 12 of them from the lower city and the rest either#nobility guildmasters or retired adventurers#they propose things to the co4 for review and convene daily#those are the bulk of the patriars in gortash's coronation. some of them are so petty and/or shallowly dumb#like one of them is definitely falling for an mlm scam in-game#different group: city officers. five people that serve the co4#there's the harbormaster that looks over imports and tariffs and stuff#there's the high constable and master of walls: he governs the watch. you know the watch that was replaced by the steel watch? that watch#so with those blowing up that's a great addition to the security of the city#there's the master of drains and underways that oversees all the water functionality of the city. pipes and cellars and stuff#the position's not easily gained bc it requires expertise the patriars don't usually have. you know who held that position?#vanthampur. the co4 member who shafted ravengard. the dead one. there's no master of drains in baldur's gate#there's the master of cobbles who handles roads and buildings. honestly that guy has got his work cut out for him after the netherbrain#and then the purse master who does all the financial stuff and invests city funds and distributes pay and collects taxes#this is BEFORE we talk about anything to do with the guildhall. or the zhentarim. or handling the refugee influx.#or the cults of bane and bhaal and shar that are sitting pretty in the city's gut#or the 7000 VAMPIRE SPAWN???#to speak nothing about the ILLITHID ATTACK and SUDDEN CEREMORPHOSIS#anyways. baldur's gate as a city is royally fucked#bg3
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let your OCs get a little squishy, it's good for you
#ts4#sims 4#the sims 4#sims#simblr#rose legacy extra#oc: caleb#oc: kayla#i've always felt like after the aliens it wouldn't make sense for caleb to revert back to scrawny victorian child kinda body shape#but i didn't really have the guts to go with it bc my own body shape is giving me issues heh :')#but this year i've been playing around with it#and i love her so much like this :')))))#and these screenshots were actually taken just a few days before i went#'actually...that's kayla...she's trans'#so yeah recent development for this character has been very sweet and dear to me and i just wanna hug her#didn't think i'd make such big changes 8 years after getting her#but it just feels so right and good#it also kinda matches to how even within the story she'd transition a bit later in life#not saying early 30s are late but#usually with my trans sims up until now they all knew they were trans in their late teens early 20s#she's different in that. it took her longer and it took some oddly specific strange experiences to make her realize that#but i love that for her#am i making sense#i'm just gushing. i love her so much i want to hug her did i mention i wanna hug her
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"you know why doomsday cults are always wrong? because the world keeps turning, and things get better. giant world ending disasters don't happen and people don't want it to happen, they work diligently everyday and every hour to make sure it doesn't. the world won't burn to ashes, and even if it does saplings and flowers will bloom from them. the world keeps spinning, and day turns to night. if billions of years can't destroy us all then a couple stress filled decades won't either. we will all make it through to the next generation and life, wether our memories or friends or grandkids do. life won't end, the doom isn't real. and well either way wars, famines, hurt and pain, we all get through it eventually. it's, it will be okay. maybe we die before it is okay but it will be okay soon. at least for our friends, our families, our children and lovers, our animals or our trees. it will be okay, it always is." -pop
#-pop#anticapitalism stuff#anarchism stuff#activism stuff#bro literally we live in a age of unprecedented advancements#ppl live longer now. we live in a capitalist hellscape but that will change at some point#like. things do get better. even from my childhood to now things have gotten better#I don't feel the gut wrenching terror of being disabled anymore#I can actually fucking believe there's a future now#it took me many long long years but I found it#I can believe in a future an actual real future#hopepunk#also fr doomsday cults have never been right ever#if this shit was an actual real thing the actual doomsday it would have happened long long ago#like 1300s long ago#so yeah things are gonna be okay
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#columbo#season 3#candidate for crime#get his ass#im glad they have her trust her gut at some point even though it's near the end#yes your husband was a lying piece of shit. it took columbo waddling up to you as a comparison to put it in perspective
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when it comes to the unfinished fics that haven't been updated in 3 years and had an authors note that said the next chapter was ready and would be out in a week and the author has no other social media that i can find (not naming names but i have like 3 fav fics like this), yes, I'd take the mediocre continuation half bc i wanna know the author is safe and half bc i have reread the entirety of the fic several times and i need to see where it goes as long as it makes sense.
oh i get that. it's always scary when there's no way to check in with the author too.
since my DC binge, i went back to ff.net just to scope around and see if i could find my old favs. luckily i managed to find some of them crossposted to AO3 and follow the authors' new works there, but it was hard going back in time and seeing so many authors i adored who were just... gone. one of my favorite authors, someone who honestly contributed a lot to my writing style regarding mystery and slow-burn thriller, had passed away.
obviously we never met and im not even sure i left comments on their stuff (i was pretty shy about it) but i raved about their stuff for weeks. i still remember it being the highlights of my month years ago. parasocial relationships yes yes yes, but seriously. the joy i get from getting emails after years, or seeing someone move their account and getting to see them interact again... it's not unnoticed!
(also yes, rereading the whole fic after an update is soooooo mecore i love it when i do that and then get re-obsessed all over again. its amazing.)
#tw death#tw sui impled#-->#the author actually took their own life very recently. which was gut wrenching. and of course ff.net comments were horrible about it#being on the reader side of things really changed my perspective i think. since yknow its very easy to be on the writers side of things#and not realize#like yeah im just a fic author but also i like to think there's people out there who think of me from time to time#my asks#sorry this took such a dark turn! but i get it anon#tbf im sure most people just move on to other hobbies or grow out of it. i know for some of my old ffnet accounts and... quora?? i just fle#i dont know if i have anything on there anymore tbh but I'm sure some people just.. go off and do their own little thing in the world
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so anyway i turn 32 next month
#doodles#fighting the woozles has been a REAL CHALLENGE lately#comic#personal shit#idk#the laundomat RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY WINDOW AT WORK has ice cream#basically the worst thing i can eat#food#sorry for the gross insight into my gut biome#i took some lactose pills before eating this so hopefully i'm spared some of the repercussions but#CAN'T COUNT ON IT#also i am constantly broken out because i love sugar :( :(#sorry for reaching for some SMAL JOY IN THIS LIFE.....#they had waffle cones :( :(#venting#what if i used my blog sometimes to post stuff wouldn't that be wacky#diary
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