#took like 2 days to write this sorry I HAD AA LOT TO THINK ABOUT

[localgardenweed]

What are your tips for learning another language like Spanish?

Opened my phone ay work to find this and i honestly not sure because i grew up with the language, it was technically my first language before english became more dominant but i also still very much struggle with spanish but know i have a much easier time learning it than people who literally only know one language so like im like ehhh i’ll try my best to explain some tips. I AM NOT A PROFESSIONAL SO TAKE THIS WAS SO MUCH SALT BRO SO MUCH DROWN IN THE SALT

Just start off slow and choppy, don’t rush into it and just start with the alphabet and like children’s stories. They’re simple for kids to learn to read and simple for you to learn and understand. Keep advancing the reading levels to your likings. I used to read this one like kids book that was English one way and you flipped it over and it was Spanish the other way. Also the ones where they have it in English one sentence and translate the sentence below/above it is good too. Just go to the store and loiter at the spanish book section

Write short paragraphs or sentences whatever you’re comfortable with, put them into either like google translate or test em out in the wild or someone you know who knows spanish to see if it’s understandable. It doesn’t matter if it’s like really wordy or choppy, all that’s matters rn is that you’re understood about what you want to do/say. Just get the basic message across and build from there by adding slang, shortcuts etc etc.

Context clues. Do you remember in grade school when your teacher was teaching you how to figure o it what a word meant by the worfs around it? Yeah use it while you learn. Honestly a lot of reading comprehension is carried over so do a lot of that.

Rn to brush up on my comprehension and just to get more comfortable with Spanish since im in AP Spanish and scared shitless ill suck im rewatching Amphibia but in Spanish. So try to watch your favorite shows in Spanish, try with your preferred language subtitles (warning they might not always match up since certain things can’t be translated directly/ not enough time to execute) and then switching to Spanish. Or just hop straight into Spanish if you know how to read it. I love doing this cause if i dont understand what was said i still know the context of the situation so i can try to piece together what was said

Watch videos and follow along, make charts with all the tense endings, WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN DAWG I STILL HAVE MY VOCAB SHEETS FROM SPANISH 2 SOPHOMORE YEAR I DID NOT TRUST MYSELF TO REMEMBER ANYTHING.

Know that Spanish varies from country to country especially the vocabulary because in my house a swimming pool was un alberca but in class i was taught it was un piscina. Both are correct like how in the US people said soda or pop. Don’t think you fucked up too hard it’s probably just called smth else according to some people. Try to learn a few just in case.

Have fun with it, and be humble about it do not be that person who is like super snobby that they know spanish (this applies to any language too) and then like say something so horribly with such confidence like be humble know you will fuck up and it will happen. Its better to say “this is gonna be so shitty im still learning spanish” than try acting like you knew it all along. You will try and fail, and you just gotta get back up. Don’t try to push the process too hard, this takes time and i mean a lot of time. Make sure you surround yourself with people who are gonna support and help you as with any task

I still struggle saying 60 and 70 like that is a struggle do not be ashamed. I already have a minor stutter and that hits hard when im saying either or

This is all the wisdom i can bestow upon you anon, i have tried my best and i hope you can find the strength and wisdom to carry on my teachings and one day surpass me

[ohsayit]

A little thought about AA and how he uses his own body

Not everyone the spawn brought back to Caz was a love/sex victim. Can't remember the name but one of the ladies took children in.

So here is how I think Astarion started his conquest.

Caz, an acquaintance from his business dealings, appeared at a very convenient timing (beaten to near death by the Gurs) to offer help. At the time, Astarion wanted revenge and probably thought he would stay as Caz's "acquaintance" of some sort.

How wrong was he.

Astarion is a very self centered character and values himself a lot. He wouldn't take orders just because Caz gave it. Hence the "education"/torture/break in from Caz.

When Astarion was finally out and about to start doing his job, whatever connection and influence he had in his mortal days were probably weakened or vanished. Also he would be freshly traumatised. All he had was himself.

To bring people back without raising questions, he would have to go with people who wouldn't be missed and seemingly had it coming. He was not there to have a real relationship. To snatch people, the promise of a night of passion or fun would be the most efficient and straight forward.

Consider all the stats a character can have in the game. The poor thing only has 8 STR. And with his beauty at his disposal, that's the quickest and easiest.

With legs open, his or others, his job got done. Not that he absolutely can't lure people in other ways, but when he was given the absolute advantage of his looks, why choose the difficult and non fail proof way?

And my guess would also be, at the start, he also wanted some comfort in the flesh, distraction, or a moment of escape. However, not every mark is to his liking. Caz's command stood and so as his job. At the end, he just didn't care. He didn't have the luxury to.

Finally, this takes me to why I write this post. Lollllll

Question I saw was: would AA be open to carnal pleasure with people/bodies other than player?

I think my answer is: this is again, ironically, up to the player. Just like if he gets to ascend or not.

It is down to how the player would deal with such history.

Personally, I don't think he would. He had had more than enough of flesh before. IIRC, he doesn't need to do any checks in the Haarlep sex scene, that says to me he is on that level of sexy things lolll. When he had no need for that, it's a leisure, even luxury thing to do. While he could perform perfectly, he said it in Act 2 that it felt tainted. To actually enjoy it takes time and effort. It's luxury.

He values himself so much. I can't imagine him throwing his precious ass at random people. Also, my posessive Tav wouldn't help with that either lol cuck is just not my thing.

On the other hand, becoming hypersexual (sorry I am not certain about the word but I presume you know what I mean) as a response is also common. In that case, he is free to do that on one condition: bodies he sampled on doesn't get to see the sun next day. He is so going to enjoy my Tav's jealousy and tolerance (albeit reluctant and dismay), as his bastard self. He may even occasionally do that just to feel Tav spoiling him in her own way: let him enjoy himself or do as he pleased because she wants to let him. Carnal pleasure comes second. We all know he loves it when Tav cares for him.

And both responses are rooted in a conversation I had before: the poor thing only had Caz for so long. Without Caz, he really doesn't know what to do with himself. Part of the obsession for Tav is built on that. Tav is a Caz replacement or place filler to an extent. The poor thing really needs a Tav that is his and for him alone. 💔 my heart aches so bad.

[tricksters-captain]

Benny Watts/The Queens Gambit imagines - From Pawn to Pen Part 3

AN: Okay so I know things are going a little slow paced at the moment but I promise things will start to pick up over the next few chapters. 

Overall Summary: You’re a young journalist for Chess Review, with a love for chess and a desire for knowledge. One day at a tournament, you come across the famous Benny Watts...

In this chapter: It’s the last day of the tournament and Benny feels bad about what happened the previous night 

(PART 1) (PART 2)

Pairing(s): Benny Watts x Fem!reader

Word Count: 3,493

Warnings: Some unwanted touching here at the beginning in italics, some drinking, none really

A hand glided up from your knee along your thigh. The fingers felt rough against your skin and your stomach twisted into a knot as the touch went further up your leg. You tried to move your leg away but his fingers dug into your skin keeping you there. 

“Don’t play hard to get now...” 

You gasped loudly as you shot up from your pillow. The cold air hit your lungs like a flood as you struggled to catch your breath. 

It was 5am. 

You were covered in sweat.

You stared into the darkness ahead of you, eyes wide open with any feeling of tiredness gone. 

Your hands shook as you reached for the light switch, turning it on before jumping out of your bed to open the curtains. 

The sun was barely rising outside. 

Your nightie clung to you awkwardly due to the sweat so you headed into the bathroom, stripping of it. 

You didn’t look in the mirror as you turned on the shower. You hated the way you looked after the dreams. You always looked like a ghost. 

Not that you had had the dreams for a while now. 

You took your time in the shower, you had brought your portable radio into the bathroom so you weren’t left alone with your own thoughts.

You hummed quietly to the songs that played on the early morning station; you closed your eyes and tried to picture that you were showering in your old apartment in France with Angelie making morning coffee and croissants in the kitchen.

It brought you some sense of calm. 

When you finished in the bathroom, the sun was rising. You took a moment to admire the colours in the sky before sitting down at your dresser to apply some make up and dry your hair. 

As your eyes found your reflection, you sighed. You reached across for one of your powders and a brush before turning the music up to stop thinking about the day ahead. 

It was early enough for you to be one of the first in the restaurant for breakfast and so you found yourself nibbling on bagel with some coffee in your other hand. 

It was the last day of the tournament. 

Benny Watts vs Victor Miesser. 

Once you grew tired of picking at the bagel you went ahead to the games room where only one table was set up ready for the final match in the afternoon. 

You looked down at the board, picking up the white queen which you knew would be Benny’s later. 

“Don’t be tampering with my chess pieces because I pissed you off last night.” 

“Little early for you, Mr Watts?” You didn’t even need to turn to know who had come in. 

“Couldn’t sleep.” He admitted, walking up beside you to look down at the board himself. “Found myself thinking what an ass move it was to just burst into somebody’s hotel room and start rummaging through their private belongings.” 

“Oh really?” You raised your eyebrows, smiling a little at his attempted apology. 

“Really.” Benny nodded, “So, I figured I’d find the girl I so rudely vexed and apologise.” Benny sent you a side glance which you returned.

“Apology accepted on the conditions that he doesn’t do it again and agrees to a photograph for the magazine.” You felt as if you should apologise too for the way you handled it the previous night but you fought against it, he was the one in the wrong after all. 

“Conditions accepted.” Benny held out his hand and you waited a second, smiling, before you took it. 

“Perfect.” You dug into your bag and pulled out your camera. “If you could sit down? Now would be the perfect time for a photograph since no one is around to distract you.”

“Distract me? What’s that supposed to mean?” Benny furrowed his eyebrows at you, chuckling as he sat himself down. 

You rolled your eyes at the man and decided not to answer as you checked the lighting for the photo. 

“I’m sure you’ve done plenty of shoots before so if you could just relax the shoulders a little and look at the camera as you sit beside the board.” You directed him as he shifted in his seat. 

“Like this?” Benny asked with a smirk as he rested his elbow on the table beside the board. 

You took the photo. 

“Now look down at the board like you’re focusing on a hard game.” You tried to ignore his playful tone as you photographed him. 

Benny switched to link his fingers below his chin and stare down at the board. 

“Great.” You stepped forward and lifted the brim of his hat slightly your with finger. Benny’s eyes looked up as you did. “Sorry.” You muttered before stepping away again. 

“One more if you don’t mind.” You asked as you picked up the queen. 

“If you just prop your feet up on the corner of the table and lean back into your chair.” You gestured to the table and Benny did as he was told. “Now, hold this and look at it like this.” 

You held the chess piece with your thumb and index finger above your head so it was tilted. Benny seemed to smirk again as he took the piece from you to copy the pose. 

You snapped a few more shots before allowing him to relax. 

“Thank you. It’s more likely I’ll get the first few pages if I have a decent photo to go with the piece.” You explained, tucking the camera away. 

“And here I thought I’d make the cover.” Benny stood up from his seat, straightening his jacket. 

“I can’t make any promises I’m afraid. This’ll be the biggest piece the magazine has allowed me to write yet.” You confessed, pulling out your notepad and pen. 

“You're telling me you left Paris of all places to write pity pieces and small town coverage for Chess Review?” Benny raised his eyebrows at you, seemingly surprised at your decision. 

“I’ll work my way up eventually. I always do.” You shrugged your shoulders, paying no mind to his judgement.

“I don’t doubt it.” Benny replied. 

“I saw you in Paris last year, you know.” You tried changing the topic onto him so you could try and get some more questions in for the interview. 

“Really?” Benny asked, 

“I mean I wasn’t paying too much attention to you since I was writing a headline piece on Borgov but I saw you. No one can stick out like sore thumb in aa chess tournament quite like Benny Watts.” You admitted. 

“I’ll try and take that as a compliment.” Benny laughed lightly as he fiddled with the top of the chair he was leaning on. 

“Well you are constantly praised for you twist on the ‘regular’ chess player with your style and your hair and your knife...” You couldn’t help but point to the holster on his hip. 

“What’s wrong with that?” He asked, looking down at his knife then back up at you.

“Nothing.” You shook your head. “I was wondering Mr Watts since I have you here now, we could finish off that interview?”

You watched Benny check his watch before taking a minute to decide. 

“Alright but only if we go someplace else. It’s too stuffy in here.” Benny agreed, pushing off the back of the chair and walking towards the exit. 

“Outside?” You suggested. 

You both walked side by side outside the hotel then down into some gardens where you found an old small concrete bench to perch on. 

“Shall we continue from where we started?” You asked, getting your prepared questions out. “Ready?”

“Ready.” 

“Mr Watts, you recently stated you were here because of Beth Harmon. When was it she first caught your eye as a potential competitor?” You asked, 

“I guess it was just like everyone else. Once it got out that she defeated Beltik at such a young age and at her very first tournament, I think she grabbed everyone’s eye in the chess world.” He admitted, looking out across the green as he spoke. 

“Do you believe she could beat you for your US title?” 

“I think we’ll have to see how it plays out when I finally get to play her.” Benny seemingly almost found the question amusing.

“Where are you playing next? Do you know?” You crossed off questions you’d already asked before as you spoke. 

“I try not to play too many opens nowadays but I like the practise. The US open will roll around again soon which I’ll be heading too. I tend to go to events where I’ve been invited or I feel like attending. It’s not necessarily planned.” Benny held out his arm, pushing straight line with hand to signal him looking into the future. 

“And what about Europe?” 

“I like playing in Europe. I get invited from time to time but the jet lag really gets me sometimes.” Benny started, “Off the record, how come I haven’t seen you in Paris before if you’d seen me?”

The question took you back for a moment as the flow was now interrupted. 

“There’s a lot of reporters in Paris, Mr Watts. It’s no surprise to me that you didn’t notice me.”

“It is to me.” Benny towards you, leaning on his hand with his finger on his chin.

“A girl can be easily hidden in a crowd full of men, Mr Watts.” You felt your heart start to race as Benny stared at you. 

“Anyway, back to the questions...” You tried to shake it off. “Is there anyone in your life at the moment, Mr Watts? Someone else you like to play chess with?” You almost cringed at the question but you knew the female readers would eat it up. 

“Are you asking for you or for the magazine?” Benny smirked. 

You sent him a look which only made him laugh. 

“No, there’s no one at the moment. Only a few of the guys in New York who like to play speed chess with me just to lose their money.” Benny’s joke made you roll your eyes but he could tell it was lighthearted. 

“And final question, Mr Watts, how does it feel being the undefeated champion in the United States?” 

“It feels great. But I’m looking forward to some new competition. You can only play Victor Miesser so many times.” Benny took off his hat and ran a hand through his hair. His blond locks moved with his fingers and a small strand fell back down to his eye.

“Be careful what you wish for, Watts.” You let it slip out as you watched the man.

Benny started to laugh again. 

“I didn’t–––” You went to apologise when he cut you short. 

“––It’s true. One day someone will probably beat me.” 

You closed your notepad and tucked your pen away as you nodded your head, not knowing how else to respond. 

“What are you doing after the tournament?” Benny asked you. 

“I’ll probably stay here in the hotel for a couple of days, get the final draft written then typed up then sent off to the magazine along with the photos. By then they should have another spot for me to travel to and if not then I’ll return to my flat in Massachusetts. My recent tenant just moved out so I actually could stay there for once.” You explained, hooking the hair out of your face as the wind picked up. 

“Massachusetts?” Benny cocked his eyebrow. 

“Yeah. I bought the flat just before I decided to leave the US, rented it out during the years I was in Paris. I had someone new living there for the past 5 months but they recently moved out. I’m never usually there so...”

“Why Massachusetts though?” Benny folded his arms over his chest and crossed his ankles as he leant back.

“My Mom grew up in Greenfield, Massachusetts. She always loved the countryside, the forests when it was fall were her favourite anywhere we went really. I live in Boston though, Greenfield was a bit too small town for me.” You explained, smiling as a memory resurfaced of your mother diving into a pile of yellow, auburn and brown leaves. 

“You know Boston isn’t that far from New York. If you change your mind about that chess game, I don’t hate the idea of company?” Benny suggested, his eyes searching your face for an answer. 

“I don’t think so, Benny.” You rose from the bench and smiled down at the man. 

Benny smirked at the use of his name instead of ‘Mr Watts’. 

“Good luck for this afternoon. Perhaps I’ll see you at another tournament soon.” You dismissed yourself before Benny could try and persuade you to come to New York with him. 

You spent the rest of the morning sorting your notes together and clearing up your hotel room before the afternoon game went ahead. 

You had taken your film to be developed whilst you were watching the game so it’d be ready in the evening.

You watched Benny dominate Miesser in less than 20 moves and then you watched Miesser strut off in a strop. Another loss to the Benny Watts.

You were amused by the fact that Benny didn’t even seem to break a sweat or show a single crease in his forehead. He really did find it all too easy, didn’t he?

You applauded with the rest of the onlookers before disappearing to take your notes on the game upstairs to write it up again in short form so the readers could see the game through the piece. 

You went ahead to pick up the prints before dinner and you were impressed with your own photography skills. 

Benny was extremely photogenic there was no lie in that and you couldn’t help but admire the photographs due to your own skill and his attractiveness. 

You put the photos up in your room along with the pages you had before heading for some food. 

You were famished and you knew the restaurant would be quieter due to the tournament ending that day. 

“Miss (Y/L/N)?” One of the hosts approached you as you neared the restaurant entrance. 

“Yes?” You replied. 

“Mr Benny Watts has requested you join him for dinner.” He guided his hand towards one of the back tables where Benny was sat alone for once.

You were hesitant to join him but once he had spotted you there was no turning back. 

“Mr Watts?” You greeted him, still confused by his invitation. 

“(Y/n).” He stood when you approached the table which was something you hadn’t expected him to do. “I felt like my apology earlier wasn’t exactly a great one so I figured dinner would be a good alternative.” 

“You really didn’t have to...” You started, sitting down opposite him. 

“How’s the article coming along?” He ignored your objections as he too sat back down.

“Fine.” You stated. 

“Just fine?” Benny smirked, looking up at you from the menu in front of him. 

“Yes.” You said as you picked up your own. 

There was a silence. 

“How old were you when you first played Chess?” Benny asked out of the blue. 

“Five.” You told him. “I wouldn’t say I was any good. My father taught me but I know I first picked up the pieces when I was five.” 

“And how old were you when you decided you weren’t good enough?” Benny’s words felt like ice to your warm cheek.

“Seventeen.” You told him honestly. 

“Seventeen.” Benny repeated what you had said. “Seventeen is awfully young to be deciding you weren’t good enough.” 

“I had been playing years by then–––”

“––It sounds like you gave up to early.” Benny folded his hands together as he placed his elbows on the table. 

“Are we going to discuss my playing chess all evening or shall I just eat elsewhere?” You were tired of the constant questions. This man didn’t know you. You didn’t need to explain yourself to him. 

“Sorry.” Benny held his hands out almost in surrender. “So, Boston?”

“Or discuss me being close enough to visit New York to play chess with you.”

Benny chuckled quietly. 

“What is it about me, Benny Watts?” You asked him honestly. Why was he so interested in your chess playing after one weekend of knowing each other?

“I don’t know.” Benny confessed, “Curiosity, I guess.”

“Well, Mr Watts...” You sipped on the cocktail just put in front of you, “...Curiosity killed the cat.”

“Maybe it’s the fact you’re one of the first girl reporters I’ve seen cover Chess before.”

“I am the only one employed at Chess Review.” You didn’t know why you told him that but you did. “Journalism is a more cut throat industry than you’d expect, Mr Watts.”

“I could say the same thing about Chess but being a reporter you already know that.” Benny leant back in his chair now, waving over a waiter so you could finally order some food.

“I know too well.” You chuckled weakly. 

You both ordered some food and you let Benny talk about himself which he did with ease. 

He mainly spoke about Chess openings, ones he favoured, ones he disliked, who he had read recently and what changes he had made to his play over the past couple tournaments. 

You were thankful he didn’t try interrogating you again.

After you finished eating you left the restaurant together. 

“Me and some others who are still here for the night are gonna have a few beers and play some speed chess, wanna join?” Benny asked, pointing behind him to the bar area. 

You went to open your mouth when Benny stopped you. 

“And before you say anything, no you don’t have to play, you can just watch.” 

“Tempting.” You admitted. 

“Then say yes?” Benny urged you, already taking a step backwards towards the bar. 

“Are you always this pushy, Benny?” You couldn’t help but let a smile cross your lips. 

“Uh, yep.” Benny bit down on lower lip, his hands on his hips as he answered.

“One drink.” You gave in, following the man into bar where a table of speed chess was already being played. 

When Benny approached the table, one of the seats freed up for him and Benny offered you a seat beside the table so you could spectate. 

You ordered yourself a drink and took it with you to the table so you could drink and watch. 

You were immediately mesmerised by the speed the players could go and within mere minutes Benny had won his first round, taking five dollars off his opponent. 

“You know, Benny, you might want to take it easy or people won’t actually want to play you anymore.” You told him with a smirk on your face that made him smile. 

You stayed longer than you expected to. One drink turned into three or four and it was late by the time Benny ran out of opponents. 

Benny walked with you to the elevator then up to the floor you were both on. 

You were tired and the alcohol had given you a warm buzz. You leant against the wall of the elevator with your eyes closed and a sleep smile on your face. 

“Come on, it’s our floor.” Benny held out his arm and you wrapped your hand around his bicep to help you out of the elevator.

He walked you up to your hotel room door and you found your key to go inside.

“Night Benny.” You murmured as you stepped into your room. 

Benny leant in the door way, his hand gripping the pane above him as he watched you walk over to your bed. 

“Goodnight Miss (Y/L/N).” And with that, he leant in to take the doorknob and closed the door. 

When you woke up in the morning you weren’t in your nightie but your underwear. You must've just stripped last night because you were so tired. 

You heard a knock on your door but you groaned and rolled over onto your stomach. Covering your head with your pillow. 

There was another knock. 

You waited a second, gaining the energy to stand. 

You slid on your robe and trudged over to the door. 

You opened it to see no one outside but down by your feet was a stack of three books with a note on top of them. 

You picked them up and opened the folded bit of paper. 

I’m going back to New York. Read these then call me. – B.W.

You looked through the books he had given you and the one right on the top was his own. You shook your head smiling down at the boy on the cover. 

You peered forward, looking down the corridor to see no one but the housekeepers. 

You stepped back inside and reread the note.

Call me – B.W. 

(PART 4 HERE)

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[bluboothalassophile]

Rule of Three

Raven had been left in a bad spot all because of dick. No wait, that was and wasn’t right. Yes, it was because of Dick and dick; fucking dick! She wanted to scream, she wanted to go beat her head against an old iron lamp post or something.

This was New York City! It was hard enough getting a place, getting the lease, the rent and so forth, but now, now she was fucked because of Dick! Oh she was so mad, and if she wasn’t so desperate she’d be actively chewing out Wally and Kori for ditching her and putting her in this pickle to begin with.

It had all been simple really, they’d all been friends at NYU and had decided to go in on an apartment after graduation so they could save some expenses. And it was a splendid idea because, they all just got on fabulously, and they were good friends, so it would be a fine arrangement. Also, they’d all lived together senior year, so this would work in their favor, they knew how to live together. That is until Dick Fucking Grayson came sashaying back into town.

Dick had been Wally’s best friend, and Kori’s true love, and they’d both run to him faster than Raven could say ‘Timbuktu’, leaving her flat on her ass, with a three bedroom apartment she couldn’t afford on her own and only her name on the lease. It made her so mad. The only reason she’d gotten the apartment was because of the three of them she had the best credit score, so… Yeah, she was fucked.

And in an attempt to unfuck herself, she had been interviewing subletters all day, because she was desperate.

Her standards were actually very low at this point, they just couldn’t be serial killers, and they couldn’t work for organized crime. Or be on parole. As Raven had said, her standards were exceptionally, painfully low.

And thus far, all her interviewees were strikes. One was for sure a hitman, the other was probably an addict, the other two were a very incesty vibes set of twins; she didn’t want to know; and then there’d been a for sure runaway who was so not eighteen it was almost funny seeing this kid try to pass for an adult. Raven was loosing hope, she was really loosing hope. After a week of bad interviews she was thinking she’d have to move back to Saugerties with her moms and brother, and that was just going to be the biggest ‘I told you so’ from her aunt. Raven would sell her soul to make the New York dream work, she also might take the hitman as her roommate so she could sic him on Dick fucking Grayson; the dick.

This was her final set of interviews so she might be able to save her ass from moving back to Saugerties and working at the ice cream shop.

“Please don’t be a serial killer, please don’t be a serial killer,” she muttered as she opened her door for the final interviews.

“Oi, Roy! Hurry the fuck up!” a huge man bellowed as he did his tie up.

“I’m here!”

“This is all your fault, so get over here,” the other man ordered.

Raven blinked stupidly as the two hottest men she’d ever seen were standing before her. The first was a massive man, black, curly hair, blue eyes with green rings around then and a smattering of freckles over his nose and cheeks, there was a stubborn white streak in his hair (he looked like Richard Madden who Raven had been crushing on since the Bodyguard). The other guy was a lot leaner, but no less hot; he had long brilliant red hair, sharp features and brilliant green eyes (he looked like Sam Heughan; where the hell did these men get their genetics from!?)

“I can only apologize so many times… and whoa, hey there cutie,” the redhead said with a bright smile. The black haired man shoved the other man’s face back as he looked at Raven.

“Ignore him, he’s an idiot,” he said firmly. “I’m Jason Todd, that’s Roy Harper,” he said with a slight smile, but he kept his face serious.

“Raven Roth,” she said as she shook his hand firmly. “Come in,” she stepped aside and gestured for them to come in. They did, Roy gave her a charming smile, Jason grabbed Roy by the collar and pulled him into the apartment.

“Have a seat, gentlemen,” she said, gesturing to her beat up couch. She took a seat on the barstool as she looked at them. “So… I have just a few basic questions,” she started. “Um… what do you do for a living?”

“I just signed with the Rangers,” Jason stated.

“The Rangers?”

“Jaybird is a hocky defenseman,” Roy smiled.

“Roy here is a pitcher for the New York Yankees. And we’re here because he fucked up and now we’re both on a time crunch, your listing is close enough to where we need to be and far enough away we can be anonymous,” Jason explained.

“It’s not my fault he came back to town!” Roy muttered.

Jason growled lowly as he glared at Roy. “Anyways, we need a place, we don’t smoke, or party, he’s in AA, but I drink, and we keep to ourselves.”

“Oh,” Raven blinked.

“What about you?” Roy asked with a smile.

“I’m working at the library,” Raven explained. “And I’m writing a book, so, there’s that, and I do work for my grandfather, managing his business.”

“Awesome,” Jason nodded.

“So… the rules are simple, I mean I like it quiet and clean, but I don’t want to baby you…”

“Perfect, we don’t need a sitter or a mother,” Jason promised.

“Okay,” Raven nodded.

She asked a few more questions, and they were both happy to answer. She learned Roy was three years sober, Jason was his best friend, they hadn’t ever played a sport in the same city and decided to splurge and room together. They’d been roommates in college. They had had an apartment, but then something had happened, and Jason had decided they needed to be subletters to keep a low profile. Raven was fine with that. When they had discussed the lay out and the apartment, because they were the most normal people she had met with, she had decided to take them up on their offer, because they were willing to cover the apartment so long as she didn’t leak, they lived there. She was fine with that, and when it was all over, she had two roommates.

Jason said he’d make arrangements for their stuff, Roy flirted a bit more with her, which had her blushing a lot before they were gone. Raven shut the door of her apartment feeling a flutter about this, and genuinely excited that she didn’t have to move back to Saugerties.

“Hello?” she answered her phone.

“Raven! I am so sorry I have not been able to call you,” Kori’s voice filled her ear excitedly. “I have spoken to Dick and he would be most pleased if you came to live with us, his brother refuses to move in apparently, so there is a spare room!”

Raven grimaced at the idea of being a fourth wheel and living with a celebrity; Dick Grayson was an Acclaimed Actor in Hollywood afterall and a big heart throb for all the girls. “No, that’s okay, I’ve found someone to sublet,” Raven said.

“Really!?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, I am so pleased for you, this will be glorious, Raven!” Kori giggled.

“It’ll be something,” she muttered. “I have to go, my grandfather is calling.”

“I will speak with you soon!” Kori giggled and hung up. Raven just sighed as she leaned on the door. She was feeling all sorts of butterflies and latent attraction thinking about Jason Todd and Roy Harper; they were insanely hot! But they also didn’t seem like bad people, and she was desperately in need of roommates.

She hoped this work, because she needed this to work! Part 2 from @shewhowillnotbenamed1! =) MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

[chamomilesweettea]

OMGOKGOGMGOGMOGMG YOU WRITE FOR BOB AND BOSIP OKOKOKOKOOKOKOKOK SO HOW ABOUT BOB AND BOSIP BOTH HAVE A CRUSH ON THE SAME PERSON AND KINDA FIGHT FOR THEM AND LIKE THEY TRY TO MAKE THE OTHER ONE JEALOUS AND STUFF AND CAN THE READER BE FEMALE???

Ofcourse! thank you for the request love, also im not quite sure if you want it to end in a poly type realationship, or just have 2 different endings- so soz if its not what you wanted! I can redo it if you want to! :)

F/L/N-first letter of your name

𝐁𝐨𝐛 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐁𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐩 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

Y/N wasnt really the type to make friends and/or get into a relationship, but ever since she met Bob and Bosip, alot of things have changed in her life, now onto the main story

𝐘/𝐍'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕:

It was a gloomy day, it looked as if it was about to rain and so far everything went terribly, as if this day couldnt get worse i forgot my laptop at college. I was walking to a pedestrian crossing until i spotted two of my friends, Bob and Bosip, as i came walking closer to them i heard bits of the conversation they were having, "Dude! You knew i liked her!" I heard Bob say,"Well its not my fault, shes just kind and has a great sense of humor and sarcasm" Bosip spat back at Bob suprisingly calmly, and so on the arguing continued until i broke it off with a loud fake cough, "erm, sorry to ruin yall guyses argue, but who is the lucky gal that yall are fighting over" i said with a smirk while slinging my arms around their shoulder, not gonna lie, finding out that they like someone did kinda hurt, its not the fact that they love another, im happy for them for finding someone special! Its the fear of our friendship getting broken. "O..Oh!,,- uhm- well,,-" Bob started, "S..she has H/L H/C hair, beautiful E/C eyes and her name is Y-MgHmN-" Bob then gets cut off by Bosip slapping a hand over his mouth to prevent 'daydreaming Bob' from spilling information that the said gal is you. You just looked at them confused and just shrugged it off, "so her name is F/L/N? Hmm thats a unique name, i like it, might take her for myself" i said (Y/N:" BI PANIC BI PANIC BI PANI-") "W..WELL,,!- you cant technically date her,,-" Bosip said nervously thinking i would stop asking questions about the lucky girl. "Well i have to go now, my cat will be pissed at me for not feeding him in time, or he will just piss on the fucking floor lol, anyways, goodbye!" I waved to the two with a closed-eye smile, leaving them be awe-struck. The two then looked at eachother with a challenging look and then Bosip said "Who ever wins her heart, gets to keep her.", "bring it on piss coloured shark!" they then parted ways.

[𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐲]

𝐁𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐩'𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕:

I was walking to Y/N's house to give her the Kandi i made for her, but soon got stopped at the sight of Bob standing at her porch with Flowers in hand, "didnt see ya there" he said, "maybe you should go back home" he then pushed me into the bush next to the stairs then rang the bell, Y/N came out of the house *cough* looking as beautiful as ever *cough* then stared at the beautiful bouqet in Bobs hands. "Here you go m'lady, a beautiful bouqet for a beautiful girl" he said flirtatiously, i could feel my blood boiling, after i few minutes i heard them send a fareawell to eachother and then the door closing, i slowly rose from the bush,glarring daggers at a smirking Bob, "what the hell are you smirking at" i said calmly, "nothing, im just thinking about how my victory will be played" he said. I just sighed and stomped away from him feeling sorrow.

[𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐲]

𝐍𝐨 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬 𝐏𝐎𝐕:

It was another day, yet another fight between the two fellas who fell inlove with the same person,but this time, the shark has caught its pray in time /j (that joke was important, you can fight me)

2𝐧𝐝 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐏𝐎𝐕:

Bosip was nervously waiting in a cafe where he asked you if you two could meet up, he then looked up once the bell chimed to see you looking amongst the crowds to find him, when you spotted him you quickly ran to the table and sat down across him, "sorry for being late! My cat was being a bitch cause i didmt give him pets, anyways, wanna order now?" you looked straight into his eyes, that moment he thought he was on cloud 9, he felt his stomach churn and he began to stutter alot "w..well,,- we could g..get F/D if you want t..to!-" he said looking to the side, trying to look anywhere but you, you just smiled at him and replied with "sure!". When you guys ordered you just started a small talk, the bell chimed again implying that someone just came into the cafe, once Bosip looked at the said person the smile he had dropped a little, "is everything okay?" You asked him concerned, "yeah! everything is just fine,, heh,,-" he replied, Bob was standing at the door seemingly to look for someone, Bosip then had an idea and took your hand and started softly going over the lines on your hand, you jst stared at him cause you didnt know he had a soft side, hes usually always calm and monotone, seeing him like this made your heart melt. Bob then spotted you two sitting at a table, he felt really jealous that his FRIEND was holding his crushes hand instead of him, he just straight up left the cafe without a word. This went on for weeks and weeks until a whole month passed, you were starting to get suspicious at the two, one day you just desided to eavesdrop on the two who were having a heated argument, "Cant you see!? She clearly likes me more!" Bob yelled, "really!? Cant you just move on and accept that she likes me!? I even held her hand!" Bosip then snapped back.Bob started "Ugh, wait a minute, what if we ask her?", "ask who?" you came out from behind the door, the two then yelped at the sudden appearance of you, "N..Nobody!-" they both yelled in sync, "yeah no, im not buying it" they then both sighed, "well,Y/N, Bosip and i, from the very start we met you, we thought you were the most beautiful girl we ever saw, and well, we saw you as special, so what im trying to say is, Y/N, we like you, like like you, like a lot" Bob confessed, you then snickered at the two now confused boys, "is that what this was all about? You two trying to make each otger jealous and win my heart? Oh boys, you couldve just said that before! I also took a quite liking to you two too" you dmiled at them, they just stared wide-eyed at your confession, did you really mean what you said? "but, how are you going to choose who to date?" Bosip questioned, "dont need to, we can just be a poly realationship" you kissed their cheeks while putting your arms around their shoulders, "now this is why were called the pussy slayers" Bob joked, "BOB, YOU MOTHERFU-"

[I HAVE FINISHED THIS, IT TOOK ME 3 DAYS, SORRY THAT IT TOOK DO LONG, ANYWAYS, thank you for the request again! And yes, i headcanon that Bosip loves to make Kandi, fight me in dms, anyways, thats it for today, bye-bye! :D (ALSO TY SO MUCH FOR 6 FOLLOWERS AA)]

[morimakesfanart]

Sindria's Prophet #13

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12]

[AO3]

((edited because I figured out to add some more history facts that I think are important))

~POV Sinbad~

"The Kou Empire, huh?"

"That is going to make things risky."

With all of the Generals caught up with what happened in Balbadd, they needed to start planning for King Sinbad's trip to the Kou Empire, as well as catching him up with everything that had happened in Sindria while he was gone.

"LadY YamuRAI H AA AA A" A yell came from the hallway accompanied by the sounds of running.

((Sinbad is hidden on the left. There's a hint of him poking out.))

A panting magician gave apologies for disturbing their meeting and ran to the head of Sindria's magicians. "I wish I knew you were here so I didn't search the tower first~" Then he started explaining about some magical proof. Most of his words sounded like gibberish to the rest, but it was clear that he had made some kind of break though.

Yam jumped out of her seat. "How did you finally figure it out?! Who figured it out?!" She whipped her head to her King, "Sorry your majesty," and then looked back to the other magician.

"It was the work of the Prophet!” the magician answered. "We were talking about her illness and she pulled out scrolls that- you just have to read them for yourself!”

Mori had said that she had written other scrolls before she started coping down Fate. This must have been what she was working on.

Both magicians bowed out to go test out this new information. Before they could leave, Sinbad ended the meeting; there was no way he was going to wait to learn what other information Mori had blessed them with. Ja'far followed as did a few of the other Generals.

When they got into the court yard, the doctors that had been sent to take care of Mori were already pushing their supply cart back to their main building. The magician that had stayed behind spotted them and raised two scrolls up triumphantly. "She let me take the scrolls!"

---

News of the scrolls written by a Prophet spread throughout the Black Libra Tower within an hour. Yamuraiha and the doctors explained their significance to King Sinbad.

If even a fraction of the theories in the scrolls proved true it would completely changed their understanding of how illnesses work. If Mori wasn't sick she would undoubtedly be swarmed with questions and demands for proof. According to the magicians, nothing in the scrolls went against any known information. Instead, they gave explanations to why certain things that had been attempted in the past had failed. What she wrote about 'cells' was what really caught the eyes of the white magicians and doctors. As an example, according to Mori's writing there were blood types and most couldn't mix; that would explain why most past attempts at blood transfusions had failed.

The 2nd scroll showed a break down of even smaller particles, and how the structures of different particles made up everything. This was going to bring alchemic magic to a whole new era. Sure, such things would most likely be limited to high magicians, group efforts, and the Magi, but it looked possible now. A lot of common magic of the current day took extreme amounts of magoi in the past because they hadn't found the right formula yet. Mori's writing -if true- could easily be used as a guide to finding the right order of commands for many spells.

And even more than that, Mori had said that she had even more information to share; she had just ran out of scrolls and ink.

Mori's presence in Sindria, and everything that went with it were Fate and the Rukh's guidance. King Sinbad could see it -the future he wanted.

---

~POV Mori~

In Sindria's Palace there is a Great Bell. It is rung during celebrations, and to signify the King returning home like it did earlier that day, but it's main use was to ring every 2 hours to tell everyone the time since clocks weren't invented yet. So even though I was a sick person trying to rest during the day, I was woken up by the Great Bell every 2 hours... which of course is also situated right on top of the guest tower.

For obvious reasons, I was awake again.

I wish I knew how the others responded to the scrolls. I really wanted to know Yam's opinion most. Those scrolls basically gave away the secret to Yunan's signature alchemy magic.

I still had the first scroll I had worked on -the one on the science behind blimps-, and the last science scroll I had started. That one was on DNA, and reproductive systems. It was the last one I started in Balbadd. I hadn't started working on it until sunrise on my 2nd sleepless night and it showed; there were missing words everywhere, many incomplete sentences, and I couldn't stay in topic.

These mistakes were too great to fix with an ink knife. Editing was going be super annoying and time consuming since I couldn't work digitally. I'd have to physically cut up the first draft to put everything in the right order before making the next one.

Wait- Did this world have scissors???

Back home the first evolution of shears that could be labeled as scissors was in Roman barber shops in the last hundred years or so before Rome fell. China would spontaneous also create something akin to scissors not long after. Reim and the Kou Empire seemed to line up with Rome and ancient China for the most part, so I tend to use them to place the time period, but the dress Princess Dunya wears is centuries off and throws all historical accuracy questions out the window. Rome was long gone by the time boning was added to women's undergarments, and that dress had all the signs of boned corsetry.

Fuck it. I'll ask for scissors and if they don't have them I'll just invent them myself. I had been drafting professionally for the past 4 years. That may have been for microelectronics, but it uses all the same skills; I could do this. I needed to get a ruler -or at least a straight edge- and a drafting compass which they probably have based on the look of maps in the series, and pencils, or at least colored inks if they had them. I probably needed to reinvent the French curve(stencil tool used in art & drafting)...

Since I was struggling to fall back asleep I moved to the table and pulled out my test scroll. It was full of random marks and some of my early drawing attempts that I used to practice with the dip pen -it's also where I wrote down the dreams from the Rukh. I'd write the list of things I needed, rip the section out of the scroll, and pass the list to someone who could get me what I was asking for. I added some living necessities too like sleep wear and a comb.

The maids that came to give me dinner, and next dose of medicine were not pleased that I wasn't in bed -I was an important guest who was sick after all. And I wasn't pleased to have to drink more of that bitter medicine, but we can't have nice things all the time, now can we?

My voices was strained but I managed to communicate enough. I gave them my list, and laundry (the clothes I wore on the boat) before they left. They'd get me the things the next day. I was instructed to sleep until someone brings me breakfast the next day... which is what I was going to do anyway since the sun was practically gone. I might be a bit of a workaholic but I'm not going to let myself pull an accidental all-nighter when I know I'm still sick. I'm far more self aware than that.

And besides, the Great Bell didn't ring at night.

---

Maids brought my breakfast (& meds) the next morning and let me know that my clothes would be cleaned and dry by the end of the day. I guess they didn't use magic for everything.

They also gave me all of the drafting and inking supplies I asked for except for scissors. In one of the omakes Sinbad was shown cutting his hair with a knife as a part of his normal grooming. I had hoped he was just old fashioned.

For the greater good and the future of my own hair care, I drafted up detailed designs for a few different types of basic scissors. They wouldn't look fancy, but hopefully I had put enough of a detailed explanation on everything for the smith to figure out what I was asking. Steel wasn't developed until the middle ages and some of the counties of this world matched that so I hoped

that God and anime were on my side. I really wanted scissors that would be a good quality.

And if that didn't work I'd just have to get used to using knives and bladed rollers like a regular person.

The Great Bell rung for 10 am. There were at least another 2 hours before someone would show up, to give lunch, that I could ask to take my draft for the scissors to a black Smith.

I should be resting as a sick person. I should be more exhausted and in pain as a sick person. What was making me recover this quickly?

I still didn't feel like laying back down, so I decided to start drafting up the materials and equipment for proving everything I had written in the scrolls I gave the previous day.

Globally, micro-organisms, viruses, and bacteria were not really accept or proved until the late 1800's. Since Magi seems to take place some time around our 100AD-1300, and Yunan hinting at chemical compounds was seen as shocking by Yam, I knew that my bio scrolls were probably causing an uproar in the Black Libra Tower. I refused to use actual people or wait for an outbreak to prove it like how it happened in history -like how John Snow proved it when finding the cause of cholera outbreaks in 1848 and 1854 England. No, I needed to show how to prove these things in a lab, and to do that I was going to need to explain how to keep samples and invent a way to see microorganisms.

First was for a glass petri dish and other containers for samples. I'd need at least 3 -preferably more. I know glass works have been around since BC, and that this world had glass windows in some scenes, but I worried about the quality of the glass contaminating the experiments. I was going to have to boil them beforehand to sterilize them anyway.

Gosh I wish I had access to nonporous, air tight containers, and a temperature controlled environment. The heat and humidity of Sindria could easily mess everything up.

Wait... I suddenly remembered a scene from the Magnostadt arc when they showed how a sample was being stored. They already had good enough glass. I knew there were magic bio experiments but I had no idea how they worked.

With the realization that I was getting ahead myself, I switched to writing about how to use the scientific method to test for germs. It was basically the bread in a bag test to teach young children about germs but with petri dishes. I also wrote about how to analyze samples with a microscope to see micro organisms so I was going to have to figure that out next.

Lunch came as the perfect break.

Just thinking about reinventing this thing made me nervous. I knew magnifying glasses existed in ancient Rome, but they would be nothing like what I was used to. I had to explain how light moves and made multiple diagrams showing how concave and convex lenses affect light as well as the material of the lens. I ended up also showing how to make a telescope even though I knew Yam already had one.

Magicians were the only ones shown with glasses. Maybe now the rest of the world could have them too.

4 o'clock came and so did 3 doctors and a magician. It was less than yesterday, but still more than necessary to treat or analyze one person. I only recognized one of the doctors from the previous day. All of the new faces looked nervous. None of them looked young by any measure, so I really doubted this was their first time treating someone.

They weren't happy to see me at the table and made me return to my bed -their loss.

The doctor from the previous day was the one doing most of the talking. "Your recovery is amazing. You will most likely be better in another 3 days at this rate if not sooner. It's practically a miracle."

I smiled. "It's pretty shocking for me too." As long as I spoke quietly and kept my comments short, I found I could talk again for a bit.

The doctor was silent for a moment before changing the subject. "I know you need rest, but would you be willing to answer a few questions about those scrolls from yesterday?

The 3 other men looked expectant. This was why they were here.

"I don't mind as long as you don't make me talk too much."

Then came the question I was expecting since I had first made the scrolls. "I know you are a Prophet and the information came from your visions but is there any way you can prove what you wrote?"

I pointed to the table with the scroll I had started earlier. "I can't prove it with the current equipment I have, so I've been drafting up the needed equipment and processes for proving it."

They all turned to look at where I was pointing.

I added, "It's not done, but you're welcome to read what I have so far."

I was thanked as they went to the table they had called me away from when they entered.

'He called it 'visions?' Really?' I had to ask Sinbad later what he was telling his people about me so I could keep the story straight.

The magician confirmed for the others what I wrote about light bending. There was magic to do that, but not everyone is a magician. I had just invented a way for non-magicians to bend light.

Just wait until I show them a prism that can split light into colors. Or teach them how light is perceived in the eye. Or even better, show them the double slit experiment that proves that light is a particle not just a wave... Did they know light was a wave yet?

"Lady Prophet."

I was pulled out of my thoughts.

"You said this isn't finished and there is plenty of space in this scroll for more, but would you let us take this back to the tower so we can get started?"

I wanted to say 'no.' I was still coming up with things to add to it, but I also knew that holding things back because I wanted to save paper was a fool's game. Besides, I could always add more to it later.

I nodded and they thanked me before making me promise not to leave my bed. They were grateful for this new scroll but not at the expense of my health -they were doctors after all.

And then they left.

It was probably about 5pm if my internal clock was on schedule, so I had about an hour before the next ring of the Bell.

Even if I wasn't a man of my word, I would have lost the motivation to work with my current project taken from me while I was still in the middle of making it.

So, I did the thing I grew up doing when I was bedridden from illness: I looked out the window. From the bed I could only see the tops of the buildings on the other side of the courtyard. The Tower that was just poking in from the left had to be the Black Libra Tower.

The waves in Sindria were calmer yet stronger than those in Balbadd. It was probably due to Sinbad's influence. He brought stability and security to his people. I could understand why so many chose to follow him or ally with him. But I knew where all this would lead. As he obtains more power and influence he will stop being able to see himself from the pedestal that he and everyone else put him on; his greed will make him blind to the wants and needs of others, and like a middle aged parent that isn't ready for their child to leave the nest he will take out his frustration on the world that was moving on without him. When Sinbad dies at the end of the manga, Drakon realizes that they all put too much on Sinbad's shoulders.

To change Fate, I was going to have to make sure I never put him on that pedestal nor rely on him for much. And I was going to have to convince the 8 Generals to do the same -or at least to start pulling more of the weight.

The 6 o'clock Bell came faster than I expected, as well as my dinner not long after. They brought my clean laundry, a sleeping gown, and some other common clothes and things for my convenience.

I would have preferred something much shorter for the night gown since I hate having a lot of extra fabric around my legs when I already have blankets. I was not going to risk being walked in on by doctors or whoever when sleeping naked, so I would make do for now.

There was no way King Sinbad wasn't going to reward me for those scrolls. If it was some kind of treasure I'd sell it and buy a new wardrobe for myself that actually suited me, and if the reward was a request then I would ask that he pay for everything directly.

The light coming in my windows changed, and I watched my 2nd sunset in Sindria.

When Sinbad found this island 10 years ago, he completely terraformed it. He didn't get rid of all of the vegetation that was here, but he did break down one of the sides to allow for easier access by boat. The side he carved out faced northish towards all of the other known countries, so no boat would have a reason to circle the island. It was a decision that would benefit the merchants and make it easier to defend.

It also meant that my windows faced west, so I could watch the Sun set every day. I couldn't help but see that as a blessing and a curse. Sure not getting the sunrise meant I'd need to put more effort into

waking up in the morning but that wasn't the part I was worried about.

See- The thing is... I have synesthesia (having 2 or more senses overlapping). I see sounds, letters, and numbers as colors and textures. I have it mild enough that I can normally block it out so it's not too distracting (thank God because music is a main stim), but sometimes I'll hear something and get overwhelmed by how it looks.

Each letter and number is a color. So every voice can make every color, but language, pitch, tone, and accent all affect the colors and textures I see from a person's voice like a filter. There have definitely been some people that I struggled to give my full attention to when I first met them because I was entranced by how their voice looked. The more I hear a person's voice the more I'm able to move its visuals to the background so I can focus -desensitizing myself to it.

Luckily, Sinbad's voice is normally not so distracting that I stop paying attention. Since it's like a merger of every voice actor I've heard play him (All the characters I had met so far were like this.) I'm already desensitized. The similarities across all of the VAs meant that his voice looked like a sunset -full of deep purples and magentas, and bright reds, peach, and gold, and with a smooth and flowing texture like painting in acrylic with a wet brush -like a painting of the last moments of a sunset.

His voice was as pretty as he was.

I hadn't actually gotten to see or hear him for a whole day. But I'd get to look at his voice's equivalent every day while living under his protection.

It was frustrating to admit -I barely knew him as a real person- yet I couldn't deny that I missed him. I feel asleep watching the sun set.

((I wasn't going to write about my synesthesia, but this is my fanfic and I thought it might be fun to reference the colors peoples voices make when the characters talk. I'm not going to paint every VA and head cannon, but I will describe them as I go. Ja'far's Japanese and English VAs have voices that look very different so finding the middle ground is proving tricky.

Also, anyone who noticed that the purple I see in Sinbad's voice is the same as the purple I've been using for the illustrations and comics is super smart and cool.))

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

KID WARNING!

Johnny “Coco” Cruz x Reader

Anon 1 asked: okay, so i just read “family” and it’s a freaking masterlist❤️❤️🥰 could you write a fluffy family time imagine with coco , reader and letti, like a movie night or something

Anon 2 asked: may I request coco x reader public flashing, like their in a store or clubhouse and when no one around she just randomly showed him the goods

Word count: 1.7k

Warnings: NSFW, smut

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford 💘

Author comments: I hope you all enjoy. Gif isn't mine, credits to the author.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

Spend your free night at home, now that you feel you have one, is the best idea Coco could had have. By morning, Leti and you went to the supermarket to buy a lot of junk food. Pizza, nachos, guacamole, popcorns, candies, chocolate… Definitely, tomorrow you will not be able to move unless you roll. And beer. Too much beer actually. You also had to threaten your boyfriend to not forget the family night all week long.

But he's late. He's always late.

“Yo! 'Am home!”

Coco's voice finally interrupts the silence in the living room, whilst Leti and you are putting everything on point in the kitchen. The younger goes out to greet him with a soft hug and a palm on his chest, listening how she says “you're gonna clean it all”. Yes, that's the punishment for being late. The mexican chuckles, crossing the hallway and wrapping your waist with the tattooed arms, as your back meet his chest. Raising a hand to his mouth, you offer him one of the piece of jam you're using to make the big pizza. He takes it with the incisors, eating it before kissing your neck so gently holding you closer.

“I love you”. He whispers on your left ear so dearly your legs shake for a second. “Is gonna be the secon' best nai' of ma' life”.

“What was the first, ah?”

“The one I met ya'”. Using the same low voice, he rest his forehead on your shoulder having a deep breathe of your scent. “Tha' was the best nai' of ma' life, mami”.

He doesn't need some words like his back, he's pretty good and satisfied with the goofy smile your lips are drawing on. How couldn't you love him? That's impossible. Turning under his grip, you place your hands on both sides of his neck, standing on your tiptoe enough to reach his lips kissing them peacefully, taking your time and enjoying the taste of tequila on the other tongue. Seems like he has forgotten that Leti is around, setting up the table, when he cups your ass with his hands, squeezing it. And that's the sparkle that lights the wick. Your hands touring his abdomen under the shirt he's wearing, dragging your nails over his skin giving him some chills.

“KID WARNING!”

Leti's scream scared the shit out of you jumping for a second, aa your heart does, whilst she's breaking in laughs.

“It was her fault, givin' me that… jam so sensual. You're the devil, mami”. He chuckles kissing your forehead.

“I didn' know you were into meat, I thought you were more into fish”. His daughter jokes on him, making you laugh covering your mouth with a hand before continuing making dinner.

“I didn' know I was livin' with a clown”. Your boyfriend palm her forehead, walking away to your room.

“All ready?” Leti ask then to you, looking around in case she's missing something else.

“All ready. The pizza will be in five”. You nod putting it inside the oven, turning after to her. “Beer is cold, and the rest is on the table. Netflix on point?”

“Netflix on point”. She replies imitating you.

“Cool”. You say highing five with her.

Of course, you two chose the movie. One of those that mix comedy with action. The night passes by, eating the whole pizza even if Leti said maybe it was too much, and all the junk' you bought as the empty beers were piled up along the table. The younger was lying down on the couch, while you were on Coco's top on the sofa. Your hands touring his chest under the shirt with smooth caresses, with his tangled in your hair. In a moment like that, you're already thinking about what happened before in the kitchen, trying to get somewhat comfy over his body. You're not gonna kick out Leti. You're pretty happy of spending some family time without nobody bothering you. But you has to recognize that you missed your boyfriend a lot today, waking up by morning with him already gone.

Saved by the bell.

Leti's phone rings on the table with Gabri's name blinking on the screen. She practically jumps off of the couch hanging the call and getting somewhat nervous.

“I'm sorry. It was amazing, but Gabri had a date with EZ an—”.

“Just leave, mija”. Coco chuckles moving his hand, no needing an explanation.

You wait impatiently for her to leave the house, feeling guilty for needing him so much that you're happy Leti is going out with her friend. When the door gets closed and you can hear her steps walking downstairs, you attack Coco's lips so hungry you can't handle it. His hands squeezing again your ass, pressing it down to make you notice the lump under the sweatpants he's wearing. And it's pretty delirious. You moan against his tongue, mixing your saliva and tasting the beer on them. Your hips moving looking for more friction with your panties getting somewhat wetted because of him. And you two are so focused on pleasing each other, that you don't hear the door.

“SHIT, KID WARNING! YOU DIDN' EVEN WAIT TWO MINUTES!”

“FUCK OFF, LETICIA!” Coco shouts, making her laugh.

“I'm stealing you fifty bucks fo' the new trauma. Bye!”

Licking your lips as you see how she disappears again crossing the door, your boyfriend bites your neck raising up a little his waist looking for more moves of yours, knowing he's too much needy.

“C'mon, mami… You've been provoken' me since I came hom'”. He almost sobs wit a scratchy voice, sucking your skin.

One of his hands pulls off your shirt, throwing it to the floor before catching one of your nipples with his lips. A soft gasp escapes from yours, touring your left hand to his hardness. You stroke him tightly above the pants, drowning his wailing and some curses against your breast.

“You wan'me to ride you, papi?”

“Fuck, stop playing!” He claims pulling down by your legs the panties you are on somewhat angry.

You love to tease him and seeing how fast he gets furious. Sitting up a little on top of your man, you throw away the only clothe you were wearing, before grabbing the waistband of his doing freeing himself. Licking your lips as soon as you rub your clit over Coco's sensible skin, he nails a hand on your ass and guiding his dick pushing it inside you without no more wait. You can't help but screaming out his name, needing a simple touch from him after being the whole day away.

Bouncing on top of him, spreading your legs and supporting one feet on the floor, you go deeper. Your nails dragging his chest as your moans flood the living room. You know how much he loves watching you riding his hard cock and your breasts jumping as if they were dancing. With his hands nailed on your hips, he forces you to dig his waist harder against your legs. And it's feel amazing.

“Fuck, mami… You drive me crazy…” His voice is hoarse and full of pleasure, closing the eyes and showing you his parted lips.

Leaning back your head a little, arching your back and placing both hands on his thighs, you move your body front to back. Fast. So fast. And you don't care if it's going to be quick, you're desperate and he's totally anxious for cum inside you, feeling the heat that emanates from your body. Coco is totally in love with you, since the first moment. And took him a little to recognize his feelings for you, but even if it's not all about sex, he wish he had done it before just to have seen you more times like this.

You lie down over his chest as he tangles a hand on your hair to push you closer. The mexican bites, sucks and licks your lips, sliding his tongue into your mouth to finds the other to take a pulse in a filthy and dirty kiss. Coco slaps your ass twice, making you growl because of the pleasure, squeezing it as his waist dance with yours needing to go faster thrusting you heavy. Your whole anatomy stirring under his hard grip, giving you shivers up your spine. And without expecting, he turns you above the sofa, putting your back on it without pulling away his cock. He pounds you harder, crashing his abdomen against your body making you move at time. Coco wraps you with an arm, placing the other on your throat.

“Who is your papi, ah?” He spit to your lips, almost touching them with his.

“You!” Screaming because of the thrust, you feel how he's pushing you to the limit.

“Who owns this wetty and delicious pussy, ah?”

“It's yours, daddy!” You almost sob arching your back because of an another hard pound. “Please… make me cum… I beg you, daddy… Please”.

Drawing a petty smile on his lips, he squeezes a little bit your throat under his fingers. Sinking his lips on your neck, pulling away his thumb enough inches to bite it and suck it, leaving a reddened bruise there. That's the magical move that makes you crash down into a delirious orgasm, with your shaky legs surrounding his body, pushing him deeper inside you with loud groans stuck in your mouth. He fills you with his seed, howling because of the pleasure above your skin, bristling it.

Some tired kisses trails up your jaw to your lips, drinking your air as he tries to recover himself.

“Fuck, mami… You're a fuckin' blessing”. He whispers with trembling breath and his heart racing, making you laugh low. “Wha'? It's true! I fuckin' love ya'”.

“I love you too, Coquito”. You mutter back, licking his salty lips with the tip of your tongue. “Mi papi…”

“Solo tuyo, mami”. He nods lightly caressing your cheek and pulling away some bristles of sweaty hair.

[oboevallis]

Sooo I was re reading hungry part 2 and I saw the part where you wrote about link making Amelia walk around Home Good and Lowe’s while she was heavily pregnant and I was wondering if you could write a fic about that? Hope your staying safe!

rocking chair

thanks so much for the prompt, i had a lot of fun writing this i hope everyone’s doing well and staying safe!

“Hey babe.” Link whispered as he shook his girlfriends shoulder, trying to lull her out of sleep.

“Leave me alone.” She grumbled into the pillow, turning away from him. He chuckled at her grumpiness, shaking her again. “Geez, what do you want?” She snapped.

“We’ve gotta go shopping for the apartment.” They had recently moved into an apartment together, before their son arrived. He was expected to come in 3 weeks and Link wanted to get everything in order while all Amelia wanted to do at this point was curl up into a ball until the baby came.

“Nooooooooo.” She whined turning around to face him.

“We have to. The baby can’t come home to an empty apartment.” Link chuckled at his girlfriends sleepiness.

“We have furniture, and we have baby things, why can’t we just order the other stuff online?”

“First off we’ve waited too long to do this, so stuff won’t get her in time, and secondly you can’t rely on the internet you have to go and see the stuff, and there are DIY projects I want to do. We’ve gotta make this place homey.”

“Hell no Link. I’m not going to walk around the store with you so you can get stuff for projects you’ll never do.”

“Come on babe, it’ll be so much fun. And we can get you a soft pretzel on the way to the store.” Amelia perked up at the mention of a pretzel. After some time Amelia reluctantly agreed to the excursion.

_______________________________________

“Ready babe?” Link asked as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

“Can’t I wait in the car?”

“Come on it’ll be fun.” Amelia rolled her eyes and begrudgingly got out of the car. She held onto her boyfriends arm and leaned against his shoulder, they had just begun and she was already tired.

“What do we need?” She wanted to try and make this excursion as quick as they could, so she wanted to assure she kept him on task.

“I’ve gotta make two key copies, paint for the baby’s room, some tile backsplash for the kitchen, some lightbulbs and a new light fixture for the living room.” The neurosurgeon sighed, she could tell the was going to be a long trip.

“After this can we get a pretzel.”

“I promised didn’t I?” Link chuckled absentmindedly, as he compared paint swatches. “So we decided on light green for the nursery right? Which on do you like better?”

“I don’t care whatever you want.”

“Alright.” Link sighed, staring to realize his girlfriend was going to be of no help. “This one then.”

“No that’s the wrong one.” The neurosurgeon dramatically sighed, picking up the paint swatch she thought would be best in the room.

“I thought you didn’t care?”

“That was when I thought you were gonna make the right choice.” Her boyfriend chuckled wrapping his arm around her.

“Come on this is so much fun isn’t it?” Link asked as they walked through the tile isle, he took out his phone to look at the pictures he took of the kitchen to try and see what would look best in their kitchen.

“No, my feet are swollen, I’m hungry, and I want to take a nap.”

“I promise we’ll get pretzels after this.” He smiled charmingly.

_______________________________________

“Link why do we have to do this?” Amelia complained as she trailed behind her boyfriend in Home Goods. “We have a couch, bed, crib, and changing table at home already this is unnecessary.”

“We’ve got to make it homey, babe.” Link wrapped his arm around her, trying to help her keep up the pace.

“I like our cold cave.”

“See wouldn’t this mirror look cute in the entryway?” Link asked pointing to one on a shelf.

“I don’t care, whatever you want.”

“Come on, lighten up. We’ve gotta make the apartment our home, it’s gotta have a little something.”

“I’ll lighten up once this bowling ball is out of me.” Amelia bit back, starting to lose her patience. Link kept grazing down the aisles, his girlfriend trudging along. “Can’t we sit down?”

“We’re almost done.” He got distracted with another item. The tired neurosurgeon sighed and walked away from him, and towards the front of the store where a bench was. She carefully lowered herself down onto the bench and sighed, she was tempted to fake contractions but she knew Link would take her to the hospital, as she was plotting in excuse an older woman then sat down next to her.

“Your husband drag you here?” The woman asked whilst smiling.

“Yeah.” Amelia chuckled, not bothering to correct the woman that it was her boyfriend.

“My husband drags me here all the time. Any home improvement store for that matter, it’s keen like this our whole marriage. Never made me when I was pregnant though, I would’ve killed him if he did that.” Amelia chuckled, as much as she loved her boyfriend she was at her wits ends with his restlessness. “With the first baby they have all this nervous energy, that they don’t know what to do with, so they do home improvement projects.” Amelia winced at the assumption that this was her first baby. “Our first, she’s 25 now, God that’s crazy to say, but he made this rocking chair himself. I remember we had this big fight, I can’t even remember what about, but I told him to get out. So he went out the front door and I cried and cried thinking he’d actually left, but in actuality he was out back in his shed building that chair. Throughout the years he’s made amazing things for our home but that’s by far my favorite.”

“That’s sweet.” Amelia smiled melting a little bit at the sweet story.

“I lied to you.” The woman said, Amelia crooked her eyebrow; confused. “My husbands dead, I just come here to feel him.”

“I’m so sorry.” Amelia sobered up a bit.

“It’s okay, he died of what the doctors said was something called a brain aneurysm. When the doctors tried to explain it they used all these fancy terms. I think that’s what upset me the most, they could see I was distraught but didn’t even dumb it for me. He was completely healthy, the day before he was at the doctors clean bill of health, how could they of not caught it? For how smart they acted, I couldn’t believe they missed it.”

“Their hard to detect, a lot of the time there are no symptoms, until it’s too late.”

“Oh, are you a doctor? I didn’t mean to offend you.”

“No offense taken, I get it. As interns we’re taught a list of bullet points, and they give you all that crap about being sensitive but that doesn’t resonate with a lot of people, until they’ve lost someone they love.”

“Would you mind explaining to me what a brain aneurysm is?”

“Of course.” Amelia nodded turning to face her a bit better. “There are blood vessels in your brain, and if one of them gets weak, it then kinda acts like a balloon and fills up until it bursts.” The woman simply nodded, indicating she understood, starting to understand better.

“What kind of doctor are you?”

“I’m a neurosurgeon.”

“So you see those all the time?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“Are they ever detected early?”

“It depends. Sadly in most cases it’s too late and the aneurysm bursts, sometimes if it starts leaking you can clip it and fix the issue.”

“Thank you.” The woman nodded, shooting her a sad smile. “May I ask why you became a doctor?”

“Well all my siblings are doctors, so I guess it never really occurred to me to do something else, but I think we’re all doctors because our dad died when we were younger, in some way thinking we could change what happened I guess.”

“It helps when you start to accept the things you can’t change.” Amelia immediately noticed the phrase, it was from the serenity prayer.

“I hope you don’t mind me asking but are you in A.A?”

“I am, I haven’t been in awhile. I know it’s not the best to be in a relationship with another alcoholic but I think we kept each other in check, and were sober for each other.”

“Im in AA too.” Amelia smiled, watching the woman relax a bit. “If you want to we can go together.”

“You know, I’d very much enjoy that. I really should be going, the want to drink has been lurching over me since his death. Thank you.”

“Of course.” Amelia smiled as she took out a pen and piece of paper from her bag to write her number on and handed it to the woman.

“Thank you dear.”

“Sorry about that babe, you ready?” Link asked his girlfriend as he spotted her on the bench.

“Yeah.” Amelia nodded slowly standing up. “I’m sorry I don’t think I caught your name.”

“Louise. And yours?”

“Amelia. It was really nice to meet you.”

“Likewise, I’ll send you a text message later dear.” Amelia nodded and walked out of the store with her boyfriend.

“Who was that?”

“My friend.” Amelia smiled to herself. “I’m sorry for being cranky earlier.”

“No I’m the one that’s sorry. I dragged you to a bunch of different stores and we still haven’t got you that pretzel.” Link chuckled as he placed the bags into the trunk and closed it. “And your 8 months pregnant and exhausted.”

“No it’s okay.” Amelia smiled once he got into the drivers side and buckled his seatbelt. “What were you planning on building for the baby?”

“Well I know your tired so I’m gonna get you that pretzel and drop you off at home, but I’m probably go to ikea and get a rocking chair.” Amelia perked up to this and smiled.

“No don’t go to ikea, you should build it.”

“Well yeah, they give you all the parts there.”

“No you should build it from scratch.”

“What happened to the online shopping Amelia?”

“Come on wouldn’t it be really sweet?”

“I haven’t really built anything like that since high school wood shop, but I guess I can figure it out.” Link smiled, happy Amelia was starting to appreciate the DIY side of him. “You know what I think I will.”

“Thank you.” Amelia smiled, relaxing into the seat. “I have the best boyfriend ever.”

“And I have the best girlfriend ever.”

“That’s correct.” Amelia smirked.

[hood-ex]

Your writing is so good and I loved that de-aged Tim fic :) If you’re still taking drabble prompts, could you please do either 114: “Oh my god, that’s a severed hand.” or 139: “The store was having their post-Easter sale so now I have a pantry full of cheap candy.” with Tim and Bruce?

LOL, Ren, you sent me this prompt like 2 years ago and I’m only just now finishing it. So fuckin sorry about that!! But hey, better late than never… right… alskjdla. I suck. Anyways, enjoy! 

Tim gripped the edge of his mask and carefully peeled it off his skin. He blinked away the tightness lingering around his eyes from the dried glue and threw the mask down by his feet where his tunic, gloves, and pants were clumped together. 

He always felt a little ridiculous whenever he had to change out of his costume in the car. Mostly because he kneed himself in the face an ungodly amount of times while taking his pants off. Bruce had it even worse with the Batman suit, hence why they tried to avoid mobile wardrobe changes as much as possible. 

Tonight’s impromptu wardrobe change was all thanks to Damian. The kid had been spewing his demon germs all over the manor since yesterday, and he’d polished off the last of his cough syrup around dinner. Since Alfred was busy making sure Damian didn’t die of his nasty sickness, Tim was the one who had to go fetch Damian some medicine from Walgreens.

The problem was that they weren’t carrying any cash, and obviously, Batman couldn’t be seen using Bruce Wayne’s credit card. Since Tim had the easier costume to get out of, Bruce decided Tim would be the one to go in and buy the medicine.

Tim was in the middle of putting on a white shirt when he heard a sharp gurgle that overpowered the rmm-rmm-rmm of the batmobile’s engine. He placed his hand on his noisy stomach and rubbed gentle circles over the freshly bruised skin.

“Can we stop at a Batburger? Peter’s hungry.”

Bruce, who was bobbing his head along to “Paint It Black,” paused. His cowl was off, and Tim blatantly stared at Bruce’s disheveled hair and bloodshot eyes. The dark bags he was sporting didn’t help the fact that he looked like a raccoon heading to an AA meeting.

Bruce blinked once, twice, and then sighed deeply through his nose. “Who’s Peter?”

“My stomach,” Tim said. “You didn’t hear him talking just now?”

“Hnn.”

“You and Peter would probably get along since you both speak in monosyllables.”

The crease between Bruce’s brow made an appearance. “Why are you personifying your stomach?”

Tim kicked his feet up on the dash. He’d have to clean off his muddy shoe prints before Alfred noticed. “Because I’m not me when I’m hungry.”

Judging by the deep frown on Bruce’s face, it was likely he’d never seen a Snickers commercial before. What a waste of a joke. Tim would have to save that one for the next time he went on patrol with Dick.

“Grab a snack while you’re in there,” Bruce said. He pulled the batmobile over into an isolated area that was a block away from the Walgreens.

“Sweet. You want anything?” Tim asked.

“No.”

Tim hopped out of the car. “Suit yourself. I’ll be back in twenty.”

He shut the door and then sprinted down the uneven cracks of the sidewalk, praying he wouldn’t catch his foot in a pothole and go flying. The lack of light certainly didn’t help with that problem. Seriously, did all the street lamps on this block spontaneously bust or what?

By some miracle, he made it to the store unscathed. He walked through the automatic doors, squinting his eyes to protect them from the bright fluorescent lights.

The lady at the register was a middle-aged brunette who looked like she was about to fall asleep on her feet. She regarded Tim with a quick look and threw out a greeting in a tone that didn’t match her expression whatsoever. Tim gave his fellow graveyard shift worker a nod and then made a beeline for the medicine section.

It took him way longer than it should have to meticulously scan each shelf to find the cough syrup, and when he did find the cough syrup, he had a crisis over which flavor to get. They had strawberry, cherry, and grape. What the hell would Damian like the most? All he knew was that Damian was a vegetarian. He didn’t know shit about what kind of fruit the kid liked, and he’d never really seen Damian eat a lot of candy either.

The more Tim stared at the bottles, the more he was aware that Bruce was waiting for him in the car. His hand twitched anxiously between each option until he decided he’d just choose the old fashioned way.

“Eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Catch a tiger by the toe. If he hollers, let him go. My mother told me to pick the very best one and you are it!”

His finger landed on the grape flavor. Tim shrugged at the result and snatched it off the shelf. If Damian didn’t like it, he could just suck it up and pinch his nose while he swallowed it.

With that out of the way, Tim headed to the candy aisle. Even though a bag of chips would have probably been more filling, he wasn’t in the mood for something super salty. He figured he might as well indulge his sweet tooth a little since Alfred would probably have some kind of leftover nutritious sandwiches that he could eat at home.

The candy aisle was full of both regular candy and Halloween themed candy, even though Halloween was still two months away. Tim thought he wanted something chocolatey like a Kit Kat until he saw a bunch of Halloween gummies.

While he was deciding between the two, his stomach growled. Tim frowned and rubbed soothing circles over it.

“Hush, Peter. Your father works long, grueling hours, and he’s trying his best to decide what candy is best for you.”

Peter gurgled again as if in protest. Tim ignored it and debated playing the eeny, meeny, miny, moe game again to choose. Fuck it he thought and swiped the Halloween gummy mystery pack. He could get Kit Kats any day of the week, but Halloween gummies were seasonal. Might as well take advantage of it now. He probably wouldn’t make it out to a store during October since it was always crazier than usual that month.

Decision made, he went to the front and got checked out by the same lethargic looking worker he’d greeted earlier. With the goodies secured in the plastic bag that was clutched in his grip, Tim took off into the night back to where the batmobile was hiding.

Bruce must have seen him coming because the door opened up for him as soon as he was close enough. Tim climbed in, noting that Bruce was now tapping his hands against the wheel to the beat of some Hindi song.

“Did they have it?” Bruce asked. He waited for Tim to buckle himself in before driving off.

“Yup!” Tim said while digging through the bag. He pulled out his candy and waved it in Bruce’s peripheral. “Annnd I got these bad boys. You want one?”

Bruce glanced at the bag and scrunched his nose. “What are they?”

“Let’s see here,” Tim said. He ripped open the bag and worked on opening one of the individually wrapped pieces of candy. “It’s a…” he paused, staring at the white and red piece of candy that came out of the wrapper. “Oh my god.” He held it out in front of his face and smacked on the overhead light to get a better look at it. “It’s a severed hand!”

Tim placed the severed hand on top of Bruce’s shoulder. “Look, it’s comforting you.”

“Hn.”

“Don’t you feel comforted, B?”

“By gelatin and artificial dyes?” Bruce asked with a raised brow. “No.”

Tim grabbed the gummy off its perch and plopped it in his mouth. “Peter finds it comforting.” The taste of the gummy didn’t hit until Tim bit into it. “Oh, gross!” he said while forcing the bland gummy down his throat with a grimace.

“You know,” Bruce said, a rare grin on his face, “I don’t think he does.”

Even though Tim’s mouth tasted like rubbery ass now, he grinned back.

[just-some-random-blogger]

December Dates

Seventeen Summary: In the spirit of Christmas, boyfriend!svt is here to take you on a date. Word Count: 3k+ Warnings: Fluff, crackkkkkk, v many typos,etc.

R E Q U E S T

my friend: seventeen + cute

A/N: HO HO HO MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU HOS (jk) HAHAHAHAHAHHA. Also ashdiepl because im writing on a tab, i couldnt add any gifs so aksjemksksmsksksmskskdk alsO im so sorry i dont remember if the request is platonic or nah but kaksksksk this is what u get soz

-----

Alright

So no gifs

Imma just do a header real quick so u know wassap

S. Coups

Das better

hi header

I might delete u later if i get on a pc

But firsT seuNgcheEolL

*deep breath*

Ho u lucky enough to breath the same air he does

N now u are on aa date with him

WoWw

So bf!seungcheol is a cute lil snowflake

Which means he'll buy u an ugly ass Christmas sweater and matching gloves

THAT MATCHES THE ONES HE BOUGHT FOR HIMSELF OFC

then yall go out and play in the powdery snow outside

ImGine seungcheol grabbing yOuR hand 

cebAuse u a dumb loser that slips on nothing

Also warmth

pulling your scarf up a bit because he can tell you're getting cold

Then like a gentleman

will pUSH U INTO THE SNOW

AND START A FRICKIN SNOW WAR

HE'll hit ur dumb face he dont care

He'll maKe u wish u Stayed damn home

Rapid fire frikin snow granades man

Course iz all a bita fun

Then he'll let u win

Cause he does care Bout ur dumb Fce

Also he soft for u gross

Then once that's done he'll start laughing

Not because of post-snow ball fight adrenaline

But because he thinks himself so funny

When he busts a lung screaming "dO Ya wana biLd aSNOEMAN!!!!!"

AND THEN U decline and leave him in the snow

"YAAAAA WE HAVE TO BUILD A SNOWMAN THOUGH!" he'll laugh

U literally wana leave him and his annoying ass

U stomp away

He laughs and goes after u

His hot breath is visible 

and hits your ear when he comes up and wraps his arms around you from behind

U be like, "listen stupid, u corny af, lets break up"

Seungcheol would pout and kiss ur cheek, "nah, u still owe me hot choco. Break up with me after paying me back."

"Ew, why would i pay u back tho"

"Uh cause if you don't imma do thisss," then he proceeds to shove u into the snow again

"CHOI. SEUNG. CHEEOOOLLLLLLLLLLALAKAKAOKS!"

Ok well i have to cut this here first cos there are 12 boys left

Oh Hi hello u here back to ur regular programme

Jeonghan

Yiz

Unlike cheol

Dis ho not about to get cold 4 u uhm

Leave the cold for someone else

But get warm together

I mean

Wink wINKkkkk

Jk gtfo

This is a wholesome headcanon

Git warm he would gladly

So u know what dat means

CUddlEs

Imagine cuddling jeonghan

BoIii

It's da holidays

Which mean he bout to get dat $$$leep

Of course u dont mind that ur just sleeping in

Gurl if ya do

Let me stress out

If you mind sleeping in and cuddling with yoon jeong han

GUrL

Wathu doin????

AnYWAY

ITz u and him right

Ur in bed reading the novel he got u beforehand right

Look at u looking cute in knit sweater and glasses

EVEN IF U DONT NEED THEM THERE ARE GLZSSES

IM TRYING TO MAKE A SCENE HERE WORK WITH ME

it could be jeonghan's ur using it as a headband shhhh

So like ur sitting down

N beside u its jeonhan v slightly snoring

Right right right

Then ur like "man i want something to eat cause i've been sitting here reading all day"

But also ur always hungry

Cause who isnt tho lol

ANYWAY UR ABOUT TO STZND UP

but jeonghan like a needy ho is like noooooooooooodontgo

N ur like

aww wat a needy ho

"Jeonghan im just gonna get something to eat"

"Eat laterrr, i need u now"

He'll keep his eyes shut and shimmy over

Securing an arm on your  hip so u wont go

U roll ur eyes and put your book away on the cabinet next u

"Jeonghan ive literally been next to u since last night. I'm just gonna get something to eat, and 4 u 2!"

He'll flutter his eyes open only to close them and move even closer to place his head on ur lap

"I dont want toooooo"

U roll ur eyes again and shimmy out of his grip

But only to get into his arms and hide your face in his chest

"You're so needy," u note

"Says you who's tangling themselves on me"

"Touché"

Joshua

Okay

Get this

Joshua and gingerbread houses

He probably used to build one growing up

And he has just the person in mind he wants to rekindle the tradition with

Congrats u filthy animal

So he took the liberty of getting allll u and he would need

And so much more

Im talking chocolate bars

Shipped cream

Candy canes

Busicuits

Edible glitter

Gum drops

Shrek 1 2 3 4

Is there a four

Im too lazy to google it

And omg u so special to him he loves u so much

Screw u

He wants to share the love with the carats

So he vlives it all

And at first ur shy

Like what if the joshua stans come 4 u

Ok but in this story yall had already annouce ur relationship

AND EVERYONE HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO BE COOL WITH IT FFS LET UR FAVES DATE WHOEVER THEY WANT ISTG

so

Joshua is like "noo don be shy they'll all love u"

(':

N ur like ok cos i love u sm

But not like the company sm tho *barfing noises*

So yall build a gingerbread house and do a whole ass tutorial about it

Except u dont

Cause yal are morons and could stop messing up or earing the ingredients along the way

Sorry honey ur morons i dont make the rules

"Stop eating the marshmallows!"

"U literally finished the bowl of mnms tho Joshua!"

"Uh no that was the gingerbread man,"

ANd then u all bicker like children because u are omfl

And it excalates

fooD FIGHT

U smear cream on joshuas face

He sprinkles sprinkles on ur head

U press graham crackers against either of his cheeks and ask him what he is

"A sexy graham sandwich"

"Ew no wrong answer," u reply

Can i just point out that that chocolate syrup stain is never coming off

*cough cough cough moron cough cough*

Jun

Imma bout to yeet

Junhui is also feeling nostalic

super soft super baby

And since he's probably feeling bit homesick somewhere in there

he thinks he can remedy it with a bit of chinese home cooking!!!

And whiney needy cuddles also yay

Moving on so

Will it be good?

Damn straight

itll be fikin delish

Will you try to to help him

Of course u gotta help ur man

But like duh

u have eyes

And seeing him all focus and busy and hot

Is really distracting

So like ur as useful as a broken button to him

He doesnt mind tho

He thinks ur cute

Also lovng the attnstion

But the thing about not helping

Not really

And being distracted by a cutie pie

Is that it's basicaly a disaster ending to happen so like

he's efficiently stirring up so hot stuff right

And ur like "man jun's some hot stuff"

And then BaaaaM

U knock over the damn chopping board with the knife and everything on it

Thank goodness the thing didn't chop through your foot of anything

And jun is like "oHMYGOSH DA HELL R U OK"

"... i- im sorry i knocked over ur potatoes"

"My poTaToeS! Listen rn im glad u didnt chop ur foot off"

Jun sighs and looks at the cubes of taters scattered on the floor

You frown, feeling useless

Both of u pick up ur mess

Jun puts down the kitchen utensils in hand

u picked up the last of the potatoes

"Hey we could always wash those, it's not like the floor is mud or anything, even then , potates came from mud"

"Yeah but im sorry, i wanst really helping in the first place"

Jun smirks, "nonsense! U were feeding my ego! That's enough for me!"

You snort and jun comforts u with a tight embrace

Hoshi

AlrighT fam

I thought of something pretty cute but pretty dumb for hoshi

He's like "imma do something super romantic for Christmas"

So he's like "wear something cute we gon do smth fun" @ u

So u do

U get a cute little red dress just for the occasion

And soonyoung his like "BRO MY GIRL SO SUPER CUTE"

And ur like a blushing mess cause he looks super excited with his big smile and cresent eyss

ahhh Hhh myHOSishiii fealzssmsmmsms

Anyway u think ur gonna go to some cute restaurant right

But hoshi brings u to the mall

To instead join the couples dancing contest

Soonyoung gets super nervouse at ur surprised reaction

He's like, "omg is this a super bad idea i thought it would be cute but like i guess not we dont have to go we could always just drop out"

You laugh and shake ur head, "no it's all good, but i mean like, we don't have a choregraphy, and im not like you who can just break it down."

Soonyoung lets out a breath and chuckles, "nah don't worry. It's not really a compation-competion, and regardless, they're going to show ius a choreo and the couple that best interprets wins a a romantic date for two, fit for a dancing king and queen"

And then u break into a big uwu

"Omg u are super romantic soonyoung"

He struts a pose and chuckles, "i mean, i try"

So you both participate in the contenst

Kinda zumba it out by folling the instructors

Soonyoung is helping you out with your form and explaining to you the steps

He gets a little competative so he doesn't really want to mess us

Up hearing you giggle when you do a s pin breaks his competative spirit

And all he really cares about is having a good time with you

Aleight

But admitedly

He was pretty annoyed when they annouced the winner

Were not the two off you

i mean you lot were the cutest it can gt

Who else could trump that

But then you both saw that the winners were 80 something yesr olds holding hand and looking at each other like the other was their world

and then soonyoung was like "okay valid"

You pout, "aww i hope we end up like that"

Soonyound and you turn to each other

He grins for ear to ear, "then lets go on a romantic date as well"

"I thought you'd never ask"

Wonwoo

LiNda

I hope you're ready for wonwoo 

Because i sure as hell am not 

So in case youre wondering 

Youre crazy I mean youre reading this arent you 

Prolly at midnight hi fam 

Again i dont make the rules 

Well just a btw Almost every 

Christmas tradition is pagan 

Like the tree 

The wreath 

And SANTA IS SO CREEPY YALL NEED TO GET UR CHILDREN AWAY FROM HIM 

SO MAYbe ur not all that crazy 

For not wanting to continue them on 

i mean sure u can give new meaning to things 

But you wanted none of that

 Which was whyyyy you decided to DIY the decorations to your entire house 

Nnd who else are you going to do that with other than your loving bb boyfriend wonwoo 

Wonwoo doesn't mind 

He thinks its cute 

Because it is a cute date idea 

Youtube tutorials 

Pinterest ideas and paper snowflakes and all 

Yeah 

so wonwoo is there cutting up some of the paper you folded 

You're glueing some popsicle sticks 

He's water coloring some designs in 

Youre pulling on the tape dispenser 

It's all going great 

"Jagiya... i don't want to sound mean but-"

 "They're all ugly as hell. I know Wonwoo." 

Wonwoo gives an apologetic look. 

For a moment u two dont speak 

And then you both brust into laughter 

"Aww whatever, lez stick em on!" 

And do you get your badly painted slowflakes 

Your wolf drawing 

"That's a wolf?" 

"Duh what else would it be wonwoo?" 

The letters that spelled merry chrsitmas 

And the doodle cutouts of the seventeen members 

in personalized ugly sweaters 

And placed them all over the place 

You look around basking in the glory of ur craft 

Its all very colorful 

And crafty 

And looking like a child made it 

Then like an imbecile 

U break into laughter 

"It looks like a kindergartener's classroom" 

U end up roasting yourself 

Making fun of your sloppy handwork 

And wonwoo watches u 

with adoring eyes

 "I almost forgot," wonwoo speaks up and pulls out a piece of paper 

You recive it from him and break into a smile 

"Is this us?" 

Wonwoo snorts, "no its jeonghan hyung in a dress holding my hand sweetheart"

For a moment u believe him

But then he breaks out into laughter

Woozi

Boi imma fite u

Christmas carols

Okay idek why i ended up so serious with wonwoo

But listennup

Im not about to maypke it crackier

so back to christmas carols

Dis boi is about to serande you with a christmas themed love song

So its around 8pm at night

Jihoon has is guitar

and ur just chilling right

and ur on ur phone letting him do his thing

but then from the floor he was sat on

he turns to you on the couch

And pats ur leg

"Yo i just finished my song u wann hesr"

You squeak and jump of the couch next to him

"Duh dummy!"

And he starts singing

He's talking about stars and warmth

He's spittin fire about the smell of hot choco

The  he's talking sbout how lame joshua's gingerbread house was

Next thing you know ur  crying

because omg that ginger bread houseWAS UGLY

also jihoooooooooooooon just serenaded you

Dont u just

Then jihoon catches you and panicks

"You okay? Why are you cryin?!"

"HowDARS YOU ASK ME THAT LISTEN UP U JUST SAID SOME SWEET WORDS TAKE RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!!"

JIHOON CALms down

But u crybaby cant stop crying

and of course jihoon panicks again

So he starts singing some other Christmas song

And then u start crying about poor rudolf

And remember regina george

But then eventually you calm down

And decide to nuzzle up against jihoon who replaced his guitar with you in his arms

Then us fall asleep with him sweetly singing about the spirit of Christmas

DK

 Liz gittit

Of course this ray of light just wants to give off energy to the world 

And since he 

And u u forgetful ass 

Forgot to go shopping for presents 

You decided to go on a dec 24th shopping trip! 

Hurrah! 

But it was too eady for u two 

Like wtf 

Gift giving Is suuch and easy task 

And shoping a day before Christmas 

pshhhhhhh 

Its a heartbeat

 "Whoever gets the best gifts gets for the best price gets to boss the other around until new year," seokmin grins 

You knit your brows deeply at his words 

And wonder what the hell he has in plan for him to think of doing something so ensnaring 

So being the smarter one in the relationship 

"Uh no??" 

Seokmin was like "ok then the other has to do whatever the other says for the entirety of Christmas" 

"???? Whyyyyy?" 

"Because its not challengeing or fun if there isn't any condition" "Ugh fine" 

So the two of you zip around looking for the best gifts you could get 

You try to stay away from the people doing their last minute shopping 

Seokmin doesnt dare go in between an old lady mouthing of another customer 

Tbh its super stressful 

wtf 

what kind of date is this 

Only morons would do this wtf 

Both of you got shoved constantly 

There wasnt really much space to move around 

And there wasnt really anything to choose from 

But hey guess what 

Seokmin found some really cool gifts 

"Daheck did u get that shirt?" 

"Isle five. There were a bunch of people grabbing some stuff and this fell to the ground and so i picked it up and thought it was pretty cool"

You on the other hand got like ok gifts 

I mean theyre not bad

 But da hell did dk get a frikin eeyore onesie idek 

It was no contest.  

Seokmin defo won 

"Yisss so i win therefor u have to make me some Christmas cookies tomorrow" 

"U ho did u really just make me suffer through that so you could ask me to make cookies 4 u???" 

"Yes but we really didn have gifts tho." 

U roll ur eyes 

Seokmin's face falls, "r... r u like mad @ me?" 

"Uhhhhhhhhhh" 

You knit your brows at him but release a smile when u see his nervous look 

"No babo. Im jusy tired, lezgo back home" 

He sighs and nods, kissing your cheeks 

"Dont worry baby, ill carry all of this back home" 

Which he does 

And when u get back 

He says he forgot something in the car

then comes bzck 

And then forcefully turns u around 

Ur about to protest

But the you realize he's putting on a silver necklace on u 

"Yahhhh seokminie, u shouldnt have. Where you even get this"

"I bought it a while back, duh" he chuckles then kisses you on the cheek 

"Merry christmas jagi" 

Mingyu  

You are a genius for getting boyfriend like mingyu 

uh and super lucky like fu-- 

BUT TODAY 

Ur extra glad that mingyu is 10ft tall 

Because ur going to be decorating your very own tree 

Wow 

You bought he prettiest glass ornamnets

 and the sparkliest streamers 

"I have a vision," u explain 

Mingyu nods in understanding 

U and him lift the tree into the living room 

And then u start decorating the tree from the bottom up 

Its all rly chill

 You lot are chatting about whatever 

He's tellling you about ur tour n stuff 

U put on some Christmas tunes for flare 

And then u stand up from the floor and boogey with each other 

Yall shake ur butts 

and go around the tree wrapping it in tinself 

Mingyu steals one of the ornaments from u

 and u try to take it back from him like the genius u are 

Except hes holding it over his head 

N u cant for the life of u reach his hand up there 

So u step on his foot 

And punch his stomach 

And he bends down in reaction 

In pain

Soz

He was asking for it

U steal the decor back 

Then he proceeds to chase u around because aparently ur the bully 

*instert pikachu meme here* 

N then u get back towork 

Or i mean take a break 

And u eat a bunch of holiday special junk 

And then u get back to work 

"ok nows for the star" 

U hand him the star because its the entire point of his existance

getting that star up ther 

with his longass arms 

He turns to u "u dont wanna put it" 

BOI 

u suck in a breath 

"I cant frIKICN REACH IT U LIL" 

He give a face, "there are ways" 

"My go-- just put the AHHHHHHH"

AND THEN THE NEXT THING U KNOW

 Hes crouching down pulling ur legs on his shoulders 

"MINGYU PUT ME DOWN" you say, about to rip of his face 

Mostly because u have nothi to hold onto

but he stands 

with u on his shoulders

and walks to the tree 

"Put the damn thing on before u fall!!" 

Wow its ur fault again

And screaming u put the star on 

And mingyu putz u down 

"Okay that was stressful" 

U punch him in the gut again 

The8  

Minghao is super tired 

But super looking forward to spending time with u 

So u defintely go on a date 

But its of the lazy movie watch variety

Im talking all the chesey romance movies 

Set in december 

that has like mistletoe kisses 

And snow scenes 

And also those holiday specials

 For catroons 

And non cartoons 

Even the one with arnold swartzimacallit 

You pull out the laptop 

And get on netflix 

There's popcorn on 

And hot tea 

Or whatever the hell 

Its all just very warm 

and u and minghao are wrapped together in a warm blanket 

Ur nestled in between is legs and ur super warm and cozy and im so soft bleh 

"Oh oh, u should see this part, its my fav--" 

But u stop uourself when u turn and see minghao fell asleep

 U coo and let him obvi 

taking unflattering pictures duh 

But also cute ones because 

#couplegoals 

He doesn't sleep through all the movies though 

You end up watching non christmas themed films too 

Like toy story4 

OKAY I CRIED AT THE ENDING 

PIXAR IS REALLY COMING FOR MY WIG 

"You look really cute cuddled up against me" he'll randomly blurt 

U feel ur cheeks brun at that 

but no he cant have that 

"I thought i was always cute" 

He chuckles and groans as he hugs u tightly 

U laugh at his reaction 

"Of course you're always cute" 

"Ok but the teddy bear u got me is actually cuter" 

"Nononono, the teddy is cute but uuu are cuter" 

"Were u always this gross?" 

Seungkwan 

Okay 

before u tell me these are getting worse and worse every passing member 

i would first like to say i know 

and  that seungkwan bought u a cute dress for Christmas 

and took u to a fancy restaurant 

Ok ur welcome 

But like even if it werent fancy 

U'd still like it 

cause holy guacamole 

imagine holding seungkwans hand as u walk around

Jsut being so head over heels

and super in love with the cutie

Groooossss 

LinDA 

The feeling is mutual for him when he's around u 

so he stops mid conversations 

just to take ur pic 

Its kinda annoyig 

but kinda cute 

"Hey unknow hansol told me about-- what are u doing"

 "No go on, im just talking ur picture"

 Literally the bst hype man alive 

Will make take dozen upon dozen photos of u 

And will make u pose for aethetics 

He will go on making sure everyone knows u da hottest ho in the place 

n ur like "seungkwan stfu u embarrassssing meee" 

And then oml  

Some moron tries to hit on u 

and seungkwan sqwares up ready to hit a fool 

would he actually do it i mean 

Like 

prolly Not 

but then again he looked really mad 

So u calm him down 

and u go bzck home 

And the cuddles 

"Baby girl im sorry if i embarrassed u"

 "Nah itz chill i mean i know u have good intentions"

U smile and he takes another candid phto of u

"Broooooo!!"

 "Im donnnr. Now hows about we get rid of that dress" 

Vernon  

okay im willing to guess hansol loves drinking hot chocolate in the winter

So he's like 

"Lets do a hot choco review" 

And buys 897 types of hot choco 

Or like ten 

wtf eight hundres pluss is too much 

So ur like okay i like hot choco 

and then he pulls out his phone and does a vlive 

"No i am not jealous of joshua hyungs vlive with his gf" 

Yall make like ten cups of hot choco 

and is chaotic 

Idek how u could get injured 

But hey 

It wasnt even the hot water invovled 

but the wrapping of the choco powder 

"Technical difficulties hansol is a big moron" 

U get him a bandaid

"Ya! I am not" 

Yall start reviewing anyway 

*insert try guys eugenes voice* 

Im rihght

 Ur wong 

Shut up 

After trying the first onw 

Ur like wow dis is good 

the second was even better 

The third one u hold

then u realized there were eight more cups 

And that u made so

much 

so u were like "omf there is too much "

then u debated whether or not calling seventeen to drink the rest 

But then hansol was like "ther isnt enough for themm"

Then ur like 

"okay whatabout making a super hotchoco" 

n vernon was like 

???? 

"THATS THE BEST IDEA UVE EVVER HAD" 

SO YALL GET A BIGASS POT 

MIX THE REST IN 

REALIZE U HAVENT RATED THE other cups

 Shrug it off 

and get a cup of the hot choco mix 

"Tastes like corn" 

"Bish dafaq" 

Dino 

Yikes 

so 

Chan is a dumb ho 

and got himself sick at Christmas so 

nononoono thats a no to any cute date ideas 

and its just you and him staying at home 

U personally dont mind 

but hes like "awww but i had so many ideas"

 but obvi U cant risk him getting any sicker than he already is 

So you stay home and take care of him 

and all he can do is complain about everything 

about the cold 

his runny nose 

The lack of taste of the food

 His head ache 

The fact his bed is hot 

And that fact that u have to take care of him 

And treat him like a baby 

"I am not a baby" 

"Listen up, u are always gonna be my baby" 

"Not u toooooo najsjsjjs" 

You make him some hot cocoa 

And hes like "im not drinking that if u call me baby again" 

"Babybabybabybabybaby" 

Ugghgg "If you keep doing that im not going to give u the gift i gotchu" 

"Well das on u" 

And then u end up going ona glaring contest 

Chan ends up giving it to u anyway 

"i hope u choke on it" he grumbles with insencerity 

U coo when u see that its a handwritten letter 

And then u end up crying because hes super soft

N ur super soft

And gahhh u love him so much

 Chan pats ur back because he doesnt want to get u sick if he hugs u  

U sniffle and wipe ur eyes 

"Who's the baby now, cry baby" 

You snarl and pinch his side 

And now i say

This was probably hecking bzd but i hope u enjoyed 

merry CHRISTMAS 

ITS MY FABORITE HOLiDAY 

TAKE CARE Of urselves mwaah

Support me on ko-fi

[theartoflivingalways]

i’ve been awake for over 24 hours

I haven’t been on tumblr in years. i stopped using it after high school, but I don’t know why. but now I’m back tonight, because I needed someone to talk to, but I have no one to listen. i have friends, i have family, i have a boyfriend. i have a therapist. but no matter what: i feel so unheard, so unseen, and so ignored by everyone in my life that i literally feel like i have no one to truly turn to. for anything. so, here i am. hope i get a warm welcome!!!

here’s the thing: i’m NOT a depressed person. i’m not sad, i don’t have any major mental health issues apart from anxiety and some adhd. and before you take that the wrong way, please don’t. i just got my master’s degree in social work and i’ll be starting my new job as a therapist in a couple of weeks.

but, i’m also NOT a happy person. tbh, i can’t really describe my overall ~mood~ or whatever you wanna call it. i kinda just wake up and survive the day, every day. i take it one day at a time ... kinda like what AA says to do; but no, before you ask or the thought crosses your mind, i’m not an addict. at least not a alcohol/other drugs addict ??? sorry

maybe this is why there’s no one to listen when i need them to. i fucking ramble about literally nothing before getting to the point. 

it’s weird that i’m writing right now (ok, typing???). i haven’t done this since i was little. it feels good to do this, to have some sort of outlet when you feel so fucking unseen and unheard by every. single. person. around you. 

so i haven’t slept in over 24 hours. it’s my own fault for sure and i have adderall to thank for that (yes i’m prescribed). i decided to start a blog again because i’m sitting here, still wide awake in my apartment, alone, while my boyfriend is sound asleep in my bedroom.

so what’s my fucking problem??? why do i want someone to talk to?? i don’t know honestly. i just feel like lately all i do is listen to others, help others, give myself completely to others. and in return, i get nothing. nothing even close to what i give, or to what i’m capable of giving. which is sad. not for me particularly (maybe?), but for others, yes, i think so. 

i’m not saying that i expect anything in return for helping others, because i don’t. i didn’t enter the field of social work for the fucking money. and i know a lot of fucked up shit is going on in the world right now, and in no way do i want to minimize ANY of that. i’m just feeling a little lost and lonely, so i’m hoping this is a new outlet for me to sort out those feelings.

the last couple of hours, i’ve had a LONG string of thoughts. if you read through, you’ll eventually found out how they started. but one of the things i’ve been wrestling with in my mind is the type of person i am. 

you see, it’s difficult to be “that” person for others your whole life, especially all the fucking time. if you’re anything like me, you know what i mean by that. and if you aren’t anything like me, well, first of all congrats!!!!, and secondly, i’ll explain what i mean.

when you’re “that” person for others, like myself, it’s easy for other people to walk all over you. take advantage of you, take you for granted, expect you to ALWAYS be there no matter the cost. and of course, why wouldn’t they? you’re always there to help. you’re ALWAYS there to offer support, guidance, and advice. you’re nurturing. you listen. you’re a fucking irreplaceable, loyal to death friend. if you’re VERY much like me, you’re also the one person in your family who isn’t a total fuck up (at least not publicly?)

you’re also nonjudgmental, and you were blessed with the curse of being empathic towards others at all times. empathy of course is beautiful and a very good thing to have in this life, but do you know how hard it is to feel for every single person around you.. and not have anyone feel for you???? damn

also, you never let anyone down!! ever. you’re reliable, dependable, trustworthy to the point where it’s almost sketchy because like??? who can be that way to everyone else at all times? you guessed it- people like me and people like u!! (if this is even semi-relatable, i’m sorry) 

but people like us, like you, like me, tend to do this thing where we keep the same shitty fucking toxic people around that have hurt us, continue to hurt us both indirectly and directly, and who have let us down time and time again, because we continue clinging on to the fucking useless hope that “someday they’ll change”. someday, they’ll realize how fucking important you are to them and how shitty their lives are, and would be, without you in it.

you- we - also live by honesty and truthfulness, and assume others just live by this as well. but then you’re proved wrong over and over and over again, yet you never fucking learn your lesson because you are STILL hopeful that somewhere, somehow, deep down, other people DO stand by the morals you try so hard to stand by in life. most of the time, though, you’re completely avoiding the reality of other people and their experiences and who they really are, only to try to fit your own narrative of how you see things and how you think things should be. 

if this sounds anything like you... i’m sorry. i know it all too well. 

i grew up as the “golden child” in my family. not just my immediate family. my entire fucking family. the pressure to be perfect has lead me to develop debilitating anxiety in my 20′s, and it is what it is, but like, why the fuck couldn’t i have anxiety in high school like a normal teenager? why now? 

so yeah my anxiety’s pretty bad. it’s pretty bad tonight, which is why i turned here. to tumblr. to try to write out my thoughts. which, by the way, i’m sorry, because this is an absolute fucking mess and makes no sense. if you are reading this, though, thank you. thank you for listening when no one else seems to.

anyway. growing up with the pressure of being *perfect* has a cost. at least for me it did: 1) anxiety of course, and 2) perfectionist tendencies. these have literally- LITERALLY - ruined my entire college and graduate school experience. perfectionism combined with anxiety is a recipe for fucking disaster, and i’ve been cooking it for years.

i am deliberately writing this without proper punctuation/grammer/whateverthefuckyouwanttocallit, not capitalizing my letters etc., because i want to not have to be so perfect all the time on here, if this is something i’m going to stick to.  i know that sounds silly but it’s actually been very difficult for me to write in all lower-caps and i’m very worried that no one will even read this and HEAR ME because of my literacy negligence (i have no idea if that’s even a real thing or if it even has meaning but it sounded right)

do u want to know why i decided to write this though, truly? what lead to me feeling like i’m “spiraling” - apart from no sleep in over 24 hours now? well, get ready to laugh, because i truly think i’m pathetic and going crazy.

i went to dinner tonight with my boyfriend and his fam. our waitress was a girl i used to know years ago in high school. my boyfriend knew her too. in fact, he knew her VeRY well. for the sake of my anxious overthinking, i don’t feel like going too much into the details of *that* situation, so thanks in advance for understanding.

anyway. this corny bitch made a joke about the current political environment. i won’t say what exactly, because i’d really like to keep my identity as concealed as absolutely possible on here. but long story short, no one really laughed - every one just kinda smiled awkwardly. but you know who did laugh? my boyfriend :) 

TO ME, it seemed intentional. she wasn’t fucking funny, for one. she made a bad - no, a very bad- joke. like one of those corny dad jokes. not even a dad joke actually. a step-dad joke, except your step-dad is a loser that you hate, who treats ur mom/dad bad, has no sense of humor or a horrible sense of humor and idk, just fucking sucks you know ???

sorry that got kinda dark and it was unnecessary but do u know what i mean??? and no, that was literally not relevant to me or my family system/structure in any way. just kinda came to me, ya know? ...writing works in mysterious ways man

alright so if you don’t agree, that’s fine. i already told you to get ready to laugh, because i am well aware of how insane i fucking sound. but you know what makes anxiety & perfectionism 100x harder to cope with? insecurities. and i’m FULL of them. 

so anyway. we left dinner. him & i were driving home. i will admit that i did have some wine at dinner, and i wasn’t drunk but i definitely was feeling cocky enough to stir the pot with him. so, i casually said, “hey... didn’t you date _____?” *insert annoying waitress’s name who i knew once upon a time*

i said it very calmly. very coooool. v collected and nice. he said “no? i’ve never even talked to or hungout with that girl”.

i wish u could see my face as i’m writing this right now bc i cannnot. like i gave u a choice.... the opportunity. tHE SIMPLE opportunity - a chance - to be fucking honest................................

this dude. straight up. lied to my face. about this fucking girl. ???????

YEARS AGO, they most certainly did talk. a lot. in fact, my crAZy ass searched their names on facebook to find their old little love notes to each other that they posted on each others’ walls. which were very cringey but nothing that made me feel jealous or insecure (for once). after all, they were from years ago- i’m talking 5+ - so likeeee.... why would he lie (: 

oh and they definitely did hang out because.... i remember clearly.... a PICTURE OF THE two of them *together* *hangin* (prob bangin too) (sorry) years ago in this now-waitress’s bedroom. i believe it was a ~webcam photo~ that they took on the new mac computer her parents prob bought her. so this photo is now NO WHERE to be found. and believe me, i looked. no, i LURKED. i went to the beginnnning of her instagram posts and deep into her uploaded facebook pictures. ok, not ‘deep’, i literally got to the first pic she ever posted on FB just to try to find this damn picture. and it took me for. fucking. ever. because this bitch has prolly posted a million pictures in the last 5+ years like who does that???

but i swear to fucking whatever the fuck that this picture exists. i have fucking seen it. i’d describe it in perfect detail right now as if i saw it today, but, once again, i’m concealin my identity, yo, so i can’t do all that. v sorry

anywho. this dude - who i call my boyfriend (and yes i love him very very much and our past is absolutely fucked but that’s a whole other story for a very different time) - had the nerve, the audacity, to tell me to my face, that he “definitely doesn’t have a picture with her” because “they’ve never hung out or talked before” ... ?!??????

obv i sent him screenshots of the dirt i dug up on facebook from 5+ years ago (i.e., the old posts between them in case ya forgot during my rambling) bc like, caught ya in a lie sir. red handed.

i might be late on mentioning this part, but here’s the fucking kicker (and i’ve never used that phrase and i don’t know why i said that but ok?): TODAY, for the first time in MONTHS, literally!!!, bc of the virus and the quarantine and all that, i got ready today for dinner with his family. like actually got ready. i spent HOURS doing my make up. i don’t even remember the last time i did my make up, ok. i dressed in a really cute outfit. i felt fucking very good about myself. i thought for sure when he’d come pick me up to go to dinner he’d at least say something. at least acknowledge it. he has literally only seen me in raw form for too many days now. like, complete bare face and sweat pants basically every day since march.

but. did he even look at me twice?!!? no. did he mention anything about how i looked? how it was drastically different from my everyday attire the last couple months? did he take 2 seconds out of his day to say something corny or flirty to me? even just, “you look beautiful”??? honestly i would’ve even appreciated, “you look beautiful, for once” ???

did u guess the correct answer? well if u didn’t, it’s N O.

but u know who he did look at twice.

our waitress at dinner.

(: 

i think i wrote enough for one night. if u think this is my anxiety/perfectionism/insecurities combination spiraling out of control after being tamed incessantly for 20+ years, PLZ TELL ME.

but also, if you have a fucking brain, you’d know that:

1) this is definitely NOT the first time i’ve responded to something like this the way i did, and 

2) i really just needed to ramble on and vent about all the shit that’s been going through my mind the last 2 1/2 hours, so there’s that.

have a good night get some sleep!!! thank u for ur time. 

[judgement-free-sideblog]

Blood, tears and sea breeze.

Warnings: ANGST, mental health issues, graphic depictions of violence, blood, cursing, mentions of sexual assault, mentions of sex, substance abuse.

Summary: The not so peaceful town of Broadchurch face dead again, while Alec Hardy continues his journey to redemption will this school teacher be the key to solve the mystery or just another victim of the ever watching evilness that seems to reside in the town.

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 5: Walls made of love

The diaries started as a joke, and Alec Could see Y/N was not taking her assignment seriously, he could even imagine Dr. Florence exasperated expression reading them, as much as he remembered the way she looked at him when talked about his own dreams. But every now and then there was some real opinion about her life.

Monday, April 8, 2019

08:00 am. I get to school and I didn't take breakfast, I had a boring morning, as boring as this bloody activity. Sorry doc, but you clearly fail on this one.

10:00 am That was rude I know, but what else you want me to tell, I had a boring lunch and I have a call from Jonathan's mother, I get it the ring was important and I know how much she doesn't me to take away her son, she doesn't have to be that bitchy about it.

By the time he reach the last five days he listened to the tape as he was reading, there were just little more details about what she ate, barely anything, and the people she talk around the day. One detail call his attention, apparently Paul was indulgent enough to let her drive for brief moments in straight lines, and Hardy was not sure if it was relevant for the case or not.

Then he finally found the recollection of the night she went out drinking with Ashley, she usually put on hours before writing so the doctor would follow better her descriptions.

2:30 - I just came home and took a shower, I'm sorry Doc, you will be receiving this one way late than usual, and please don't worry, I went for drinks with Ash as I told you yesterday I would, do you actually read this? I would hate to imagine a woman like you sitting at home alone waiting for my poor written crap. Anyway, I'll tell you a secret I didn't drink today, we were at the club at 10 but stupid Jonathan called me to tell me that I shouldn't be going out with, I told him where he could put his opinion, but I listen and took only mocktails, Ash didn't notice I think, she was so funk I even drove back, thankfully the streets were empty, I hope she didn't eat me out with Jonathan, and I will apologize to him lateer in the morning, I will tell him: I can't wait to be doing this for the rest of our lives.

I haven't told hin about your plann of putting me on medication, I will surprise him with it when he gets back, that would definitely make him happy.

"Hardy, Paul Coates is here, he wants to talk to you" One of the agents said and he immediately pull the papers behind some other files, they felt like something private not sure why.

"Sure, tell him I'll be out in a minute" He said and once he was away he move to close the blinds and the door of his office.

But if I'm completely honest I'm not sure if he actually wants me to get bettr or just wants me to be what he wants, as you said we all put on walls, and as I tried to move on from mine and from the memory of parents stopping me from getting out of Broadchurch I let Jonathan trapped me in litral walls in our huse, and the walls made of love that I built to keep me from telling him that I want to drive, that I need to work, that I'm capable, anyway have a nice night or morning or whatever time is you are reading this, I'll send you the next entry tomorrow.

Alec checked the time when Dr Florence received the document 2:53 am, so a few minutes after she wrote it, wich was obvious since it had several misspellings and missing letters.

He had already checked the traffic cameras around her home and all her movements checked out, there at 1:52 am just a few miles before the dirty road to her cottage he identified the car that should belong to Langford, and then the same car leaving at 2:05 however the first time he didn't notice that she was the one driving, and then Ashley driving back, apart from that her story checked out.

He stood up and walk to a waiting room where Paul was sitted , he respected the reverend but sometimes his good intentions could be too much.

"DI Hardy" He said always polite standing up to shake his hand "I'm sorry to bother you but is about Y/N"

"Do you have new information about the case?" Hardy said dryly, and sitedin front of him "I believe Miller already talked to you this morning, and I don't have more to say apart from that"

"No, I already say everything I know, is just I figured since Y/N is not going to be able to go back to his place because of ... the investigation and that" he frowned thinking about Jonathan's body "I thought maybe she could stay at the church, we always have a spare room and well since her family is not around I figured ..."

"How did you know she is getting free?" Alec interrupted him.

"Well I don't think she is responsible for anything" He started clearly surprised that he questioned that.

"Ah, you think you can do my job better than me?" Hardy said, clearly about to loose his temper.

"I just think, or at least I like to think I'm better at knowing people" Paul was more serious, and Hardy was shock by that, maybe it was the years of tragedy he had face with the town, or maybe it was something more personal.

"Oddly how things turn out isn't it? The fiance is gone, and now she goes back to you, and you even want her to live with you. And you are no longer with Becca do you? All seems way too convenient don't you think?" He said looking for something in the priest face, but there was only indignation.

"What are you suggesting? Really? You are going to questioning me?" He said and Hardy just remained silent with her arms crossed "Fine if I you need to know, and I'm surprised Ellie hasn't told you yet, I know her ages ago, her, Ashley we went to school together, and we were together for about one year, I don't know she was 26 at the time. And we broke up because I was busy with the church and we have been friends since then." He said quickly and Alec nodded.

"And you were friends with Norbury?" Alec asked not sure on why he wanted to know.

"I introduced them, a few weeks after he move here he began helping me at the church, and she often volunteers to watch the trouble makers, she must have watch Tom and Danny a couple times back in those days" a shadow of sorrow crossed his face remembering the young kid, something that happened often in broadchurch "I actually forgot to tell something to Ellie" He said remembering suddenly "I don't think is relevant but anyway, I am I meet Jonathan at a AA meeting, and that's why he started helping at the church. He had troubles with drinking at London that's why he came here."

"Did he ever relapse?" Alec ask suddenly with all his alarms on "Like recently?"

"Not that I know, he didn't want Y/N to know about it, and I ask him to talk to her before the wedding, I'm not sure if he did" The sad look was back now for his lost friend.

"She'll be out in fifty" Alec said standing up, and walking towards the door "You can wait for her here"

"What? Oh thanks, she has been trough a lot already, I hope I can help her out on this at least."

"You said her family is not around, what ever happened to them?" He said suddenly stopping at the door.

"They died, in a car accident ten years ago, she was about to leave town, she was not living with them anymore, she was the youngest and they care for her a lot, but after that she felt guilty I guess, she started coming more to church and her problem got worse for a few weeks, I hope that doesn't happen again".

"Sure" Hardy said and walked fast to the interrogation room where Y/N have spent the night. He found her sitted in the same place, and she had clearly been crying, he felt sorry for her, but he had to get things clear first.

"You lied to us" He started siting in front of her. "You drove home on Friday morning out of the bar" She only nodded and took a sip of the water bottle she hasn't touched yet.

"I'm sorry" Y/N said with a throaty voice "I did, I know I'm not supposed to but I actually can drive very well, and I haven't drink that night it, I thought it was safer if I take the wheel than Ash, but she was stubborn enough to drive back herself"

"Any particular reason on why you don't drink?" He asked not giving it much importance.

"I really don't like it that much, and it worsens my anxiety, so I may take a glass of wine here and there, I think that's why I blacked out so long two weeks ago I did drink a few more shots than my usual three" she said putting her hair behind her ear "He was in AA" She said biting her nails "Or at least I think he was, someone left a voice message about changing the hour for the meeting" She face Hardy with red eyes but she didn't cried, not anymore.

"Do you ever saw him drinking?" He asked and his mind was still in the coroner report trying to remember what he said about the content of the stomach.

"No, also he always had "Boy's night" with Paul on the day I knew he had his AA meetings, is weird how any of them thought I will figure it out" She had a sad smile on her face "I always thought he was a terrible liar because of it"

"You can leave, reverend Coats, amm Paul is waiting for you" She gave him a surprise look.

"Why is Paul here?" She asked then putting up her hands so he could uncuffed her.

"You can't go to your own place, we are still looking for evidence there" Alec said avoiding her gaze.

"Detective Hardy, do you believe me?" She asked caressing her wrist, they felt numb after all that time.

"Is there a reason I shouldn't?" He asked looking at her straight in the eyes.

"No, but earlier it felt like you thought it was me" She said.

"I don't have to believe you or not, I make questions and I follow evidence, and evidence doesn't suggest you did it" He avoided answer her directly.

"Then can I ask you a favor?" She said standing up. "When you find who did this to us, and I have faith in you to do it, if is someone I know, please don't tell me" Her voice was low and almost imperceptible and he had to bend over the table to listen better.

"Why?" He asked in a whisper almost as quiet as hers.

"Because I would hate them, and I would want to kill them, and I don't want to be that kind of person" She said and he could see the fear and sorrow in her eyes, and felt grateful that another officer entered to take her way from him. He went back to his office trying to forget that look when Miller walked in.

"Did you let her go? Paul told me on the way out she would stay at the church, that seems fine for now" She said looking at him but he was apparently not listening. "Ready to go see his apartment?"

"What does the coroner said about his stomach?" He asked suddenly leaning back on his chair.

"Vodka? Whiskey? Some sort of alcohol, why?" She asked curious.

"Yeah, something like that, come on Miller we can't lost more time" There he is, Miller smile when he put on his coat again and start walking outside. "By the way, I haven't told you this" He turned at her with a odd expression in his face "I am in therapy with Dr. Florence, I have been there for a few months now, is not important, I just thought you should know" He nodded and kept walking.

"Ok, sure, fine. That's great" Miller said against her impulse of asking more, she was glad he shared that of course, but she knew how hard must have been for him to admit it. "Anyway Becca Fisher owns the apartment where Norbury lived, she gave me the key"

They walked out and Alec started telling her about Jonathan's problem with alcohol, and a few other details he learned that morning but leaving out all about the diaries. He was sure as much as Ellie that Y/N was innocent but that only made things more complicated and he was hoping for a new lead to appear at the apartment, Please don't tell me her voice resonated in his mind and when he closed his eyes he could see her face. This was getting more and more difficult every minute.

I wasn't sure if people was actually reading this, but I'm glad they are, so if you want to be in the tag list just say so and I would gladly add you.

@allonsymexgirl

[dreadnought-dear-captain]

You Asked, I Told

**Contains spoilers for Baghdad Waltz up to chapter 36 and the movie Soldier’s Girl (noted below); CW for some general discussion on the subject of writing about childhood sexual abuse**

Hello everyone!

I’m so sorry I’ve been so neglectful of my inbox and slow to answer Ao3 comments lately :(  I have so, so many wonderful asks here, and I want to push out a few batches of answers in the next couple of weeks. I’m a little over 2/3 of the way through Chapter 37 of BW, which will probably be hovering around the 20k word count. But Bucky and Steve will be having their first therapy session! With Claire Temple! And it’s going to be… Well, it’s Bucky and Steve, so stay tuned.

You are too kind, and I’m actually bummed that BW has changed people’s enjoyment of other fics, because this is not the first time I’ve heard this, and it’s certainly not my intent. I’m glad you enjoy the minor characters here, because they have been very fun to create. I have loads of backstory that will never see the light of day, and I adore them so much. As to the second part, I’m reading this as your wondering a couple things: 1) perhaps questioning Steve’s level of devotion to Bucky (or just marveling at it, if this is a rhetorical question), and 2) perhaps also questioning Thor’s assessment that Bucky is the guy you fuck, not the guy you settle down with.

In terms of Steve’s love, some would say that Steve is clearly devoted because Bucky is a very hard person to be in a relationship with, and the fact that he’s still even around is a sign of his devotion. Others would say that he hasn’t done enough to show how much he loves him, that he should do more, because Bucky is suffering so much and needs a lot of support now. We all have our own interpretations of what “enough” is, and I see this a lot in the comments section of BW. I appreciate multiple perspectives on this, and I think we all come at this from our own experiences on one side or the other of relationships like this. I think readers tend to fall on the side of one character or the other, and the Bucky people might err on the side of believing that Steve is not doing enough (or doing the wrong things) and the Steve people might err on the side that Bucky, although clearly suffering, is not considering the ways in which Steve is devoted and the ways in which he hurts Steve. I love both of these characters and am not overly devoted to either, so I see both of their perspectives and aim to write from both sides.

As for Bucky being too “wild” and not being the kind you marry/settle with, I don’t know if we can really trust Thor’s assessment of this situation. He didn’t know Bucky for long, and the time he knew him was at a time when Bucky was pretty low in personal insight. Although Bucky has proven himself adept at committing to an arduous career and excelling greatly, Bucky still does struggle to commit in relationships. But to say that he’s “wild” could be a bit of a misnomer. Pan the camera one way, and he looks like a fun and wild party guy who loves to drink and fuck and has a charismatic, wild personality that is irresistible. Pan the camera the other way and you’ve got someone who’s desperately trying to manage his emotions with alcohol and sex and sometimes can’t, a guy who is essentially “wild and charismatic” because he has trouble with emotional and interpersonal regulation due an extensive history of trauma.  As he works to uncover and confront his history, we will have to see how things unfold and whether he commits to engaging with care for himself after his rift with Scott.

I hope this addresses your Ask!

I have had a good deal of interaction with the military system in my life through various channels and have also done a LOT of research. For every military-heavy chapter, I look over a ton of regulations (even weapons manuals - fun!), talk to Army veteran friends and associates who are very generous with their time, watch documentaries, scour the internet for hours and hours and HOURS and just do… a lot. Which is part of why this fic is so slow to come out.

I just want to say thank you for this. I don’t know if this comment still holds for you, because I received it between chapters 35 and 36, but this is one of the things that I feel the absolute most anxiety about when I post this fic. The last thing I want to do is write anything that is going to be exploitative, especially since I know how many people in the general population have experienced childhood sexual abuse. I agonize over how much detail to include, because I don’t want to include unnecessary details just for shock value. However, I also don’t want to avoid the content if it’s part of the character’s internal experience. In chapter 36, for example, it was important for me to convey what it was like for Bucky to experience an intrusive memory of his abuse, because that is consistent with how I write the internal experiences of my characters. It’s part of my style and part of why people read BW, I think. To back away now because it contains this kind of content would be a disservice to the character and his experience, because this is important to his life and the person he’s become.

But I also don’t want it to just be an opportunity for readers to be like ohhhhh all the DETAILS WOWWW. So with everything that I write, I strive to think - what is the purpose of what I’m including? Is this consistent with the way a network of traumatic memories would operate? What’s the cue in the environment that would light this up? If the purpose is character development or plot progression, I can justify including the details. In chapter 36, for example, it was important for us to see that Bucky is allowing himself to remember his past, that it’s dysregulating him, which lead to his rift with Scott and his relapse. All character and plot points. But if it’s just for funsies or for some Jerry Springer-style reveal to shock the readers, or anything even close to that, I would try my hardest to screen for that. As for creating an arbitrary tragic backstory for some other character to heal, I can see how that would be a tempting thing to do for a writer. Although this is a part of Bucky’s history, and although there could be times when he feels like it defines him, challenging that may also be part of his journey. And I’m sure Steve would love if he could heal Bucky with the power of his love (or cock magic) alone. If only.

Thanks so much for this.

This is a good question. As you’ve seen, people certainly can have profound functional impairment when their symptoms come to a head, to the point where hospitalization is sometimes the best option. Bucky has made great strides in his recovery and has accumulated a lot of skills from AA and DBT that he didn’t have before, even with a meltdown and a relapse thrown in there. I know it’s sometimes really hard to see how far he’s come, but he’s traveled lightyears from overdosing at the Holiday Inn on Long Island.

That being said, this reaction isn’t extremely promising, given the implication that these are just the first real burbles of his traumatic past rising to the surface. I’d say a few things could happen as more of this starts to emerge.

1) He could do as you say, decompensate, have a lot of trouble functioning in his daily life, maybe go into some sort of partial hospitalization or inpatient hospitalization. This option would allow him to be in a  controlled environment, the kind of place where he might be able to manage this stuff without other demands getting in the way.

2)  He could rely very heavily on coping skills and social supports to manage this stuff as it comes up, and maybe it doesn’t overtake him completely. This would be extremely challenging because it would require him to reach out for help and accept it.

3) He could find some way to stop this process altogether by resuming drinking or some other maladaptive coping behavior. This would be very tempting for him, especially as things get exponentially more difficult.

Importantly, Bucky is still the same person as he was before, in terms of the primary effects his traumatic history has had on his life. What’s really in question here is his ability to face his memories and the truth of his own experience, which he can’t run from anymore because his old compartmentalization and avoidance strategies are falling apart. I think a lot will depend on whether he continues to make himself an island or whether he lets others close to him to support and assist him in this process. So much of the latter depends on trust and his sense of personal and emotional safety, which have been deeply shaken by his experiences. This makes everything so much more challenging. We’ll have to see how it all unfolds!

Thanks for the Ask!

**CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIE**

UGH. Okay, I rented this DVD from Netflix when I got this Ask, because I thought, hey, why not… and then it sat on my shelf unwatched for about seven weeks. Netflix probably thought I just kept it. Obviously I have a pretty thick skin, given the shit I write about, but I was dreading watching it. The sleeve gives the plot away, so I knew what was coming, but God, kill me.

I died over a lot of the military inaccuracies, but it’s a TV movie, so it kind of gets a pass I guess. And it took place at Fort Campbell, Bucky’s least favorite place on Earth! This movie is also a creature of its time, which was fascinating in itself - a cis man playing a trans woman (megasigh, although admirably well), the commentary after from people on an active DADT policy still in effect, which was incredible. It seems so ridiculous to me now that it was ever in effect, especially when I recall the arguments against allowing open service for LGBQ folks (“but they’ll look at my butt in the showers!!”), and I wonder what kind of world we would have if Bill Clinton had gotten his way when he was elected and didn’t have to compromise with DADT.

It was very interesting to hear Barry’s sexuality being questioned so much because he was in love with a trans woman. The film makers talked about him “discovering something about his sexuality” because he was in this sexual relationship with her — like what? There was a lot of implication throughout the film and special features that trans women aren’t real women. And perhaps some of this stuff speaks to some level of sexual flexibility that might be present in someone who’s happy to give oral sex to a woman with a penis etc., so okay, I can buy that perhaps. But a small amount of flexibility is not necessary sexual confusion or radical sexual discovery, and it’s certainly not gayness or a sign that he’s not straight (though he may have been somewhere else on the sexuality spectrum, but that doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with having romantic/sexual feelings for a trans woman). But there was an odd cissexist/transphobic thread that ran through the whole film, even though the actors and production team were clearly very enthusiastic about the story and sensitive to the characters. And Barry’s mother was straight up like “maybe they were just friends, who knows.” [sigh] I dunno.

But to the point of what actually happened to Barry - God. That was rough. It reminds me of kids who are bullied for being gay perhaps because they’re not masculine enough, etc. and end up killing themselves, even though they’re not gay. His death was brutal and shocking and horrible, and it gave me kind of a “Boys Don’t Cry” feel for me, but in reverse? If that makes any sense. The way he was ostracized by his peers made me sad, especially when he was working so hard to integrate into his unit, and it reminded me of all of the people who were victims of the witch hunts prior to DADT and even after, how lonely that must have been, how devastating to one’s career and connections to their military family. It’s one of the reasons Bucky tried so hard to appear either extremely occupied or extremely straight. But overall, I thought the movie did a good job of making this a love story and not fetishizing Calpernia’s trans-ness, and I thought it was pretty balanced and nuanced for a 2003 movie trying to tackle this subject matter. I’m glad I watched this, even though the end was awful. I think I left feeling kind of good about the love story, imperfectly told as it was. 

Thanks for the rec!

**END SPOILERS**

Oh god, I am so bad about Tumblr and everything else. I’m sorry for being so bad at all the tasks of maintaining a presence on social media etc. and yeah. I feel bad about it. I’m basically a social media renunciate in my personal life (my job is YOU NEED A LINKEDIN and I am cry), so it’s really not a habit in my fandom life. Thank you for your support (and the EG dig <3), and I’ll keep plugging away!

Please, please no worries!! I didn’t take it like that. I just want people to know that I’m working really hard and would get these out to you so much faster if I could. I know you’re all waiting and I wish I could deliver faster, but alas, adulthood. And I want these chapters to be as good as I can make them and sometimes writing is just really fucking hard, especially when your characters are falling apart. I do love them and telling this story and sharing it with all of you, so thank you for being awesome <3 

I will have more “You Asked” soon! Thank you so much for dropping me these messages. I am thrilled to get them, and I promise I will get to them all.

[lawyerd]

Hi! I have some questions about law school & time management. 1) What motivated you to go to law school/what was the "deciding moment", if any? 2) What are your thoughts on accelerated and/or dual JD programs? Are they worth it? (I'm graduating 1 yr early w my AA next semester & I like the idea of finishing a JD sooner but unsure if it's realistic) 3) How do you manage law school,work & personal time? 4) How did you prepare for the LSAT? Sorry for ALL the questions 🙈 THANK YOU so much😊💓

NO PROBLEM I LOVE QUESTIONS I’ll answer them in order! 

1 - I pretty much decided to go to law school when I was in sixth grade. I’ve always been at the top of my class so I knew I wanted to pursue an ~~intellectual career~~ and I preferred reading, writing and debating to math and science. If I had a “deciding moment” at all, it was when I received my scholarship package. At that point, any doubts I might have had when away because since it was no longer a financial risk, there was no reason not to go for it. 

2. I am not incredibly familiar with dual degree programs, but they sound like a good idea to me in theory? If you want two degrees, might as well get them at the same time? I am considering going back for my masters after law school and I’m kicking myself for not thinking of this sooner and going for a dual degree. 

3. You pretty much don’t work or see any of your non-law school friends for three years 😂 If you do night school or part-time, you can obviously hold a more substantial job, but it’s much harder in a full-time program, especially during your first year. A lot of people work before law school to save money and others rely on a combination of loan funding, money saved from summer internships and part-time jobs. The only internship I’ve had so far was unpaid but they can pay like, $8,000-$10,000 for a summer. I was one of only a handful of people at my school who worked during 1L and I was only able to do it because it was exclusively an evening and weekend job and it was a desk job so I could sit and do my homework. Working is more common during 2L/3L because your class schedule is much less restrictive. During 1L, I was pretty much in class from 9/5 each day. As a 2L, I only have one class a day. I work on campus, but I have some friends with more ~real~ jobs. A lot of people have continued to work a few hours a week for the office they interned with over the summer, for example. 

4. I took a Kaplan prep course! I thought it was really worth it honestly. I was working a lot and I had so little motivation, so I really needed to in-person class twice a week to force me to look over the materials.   

[lulurionu]

You got any kaesetsu headcannons?

AAA AA IM SORRY THIS IS SO LATE I WAS BUSY FOR THE PAST MONTH but YES i definitely do have some kaesetsu headcanons! i’ll list five and put them under a read more!!!!!!!!!

1) not exactly a headcanon or kaesetsu-centric, (focuses more on setsu, actually, but it connects to kaesetsu as well) but i like to think that setsu is introverted and (possibly?) socially awkward. 

he isn’t fond of social interaction, with how we see since the beginning of the anime, he mostly keeps to himself and actually doesn’t interact with anyone! he’s probably the type who gains friends by having people go to him first (which is how i think he met haruka, bc unlike him, haruka shows to be more open). 

he probably has a hard time getting along with others because of his interests, as well, since i’m sure many boys his age would like to watch TV shows or play outside. meanwhile, setsu prefers to read books. he probably does play games with haruka or whatever, but i think if he had to choose between playing or reading, he would read.

i’ve seen a lot of people mischaracterize him as the cool, suave kid who should have confessed to kaede in s1, but no, he really isn’t like that at all and i don’t think he should have confessed to her right then and there! there’s lots of moments in the anime where he gets flustered easily and he becomes soft-hearted. sure, he initially didn’t appreciate kaede and azumi’s character when he first met them, but over time, through the first 3 seasons of mirumo, he grew to find the good things about them, especially with kaede!!!

we’re straying now a bit SO THE MAIN THING I WANT TO EXPLAIN IS: throughout the series, i think kaede is the force that helps setsu grow and learn to become more open to others! from someone who is unwilling to interact with others, we see him grow to love and appreciate his friends! he gets overlooked a lot, i swear, but i think his growth throughout the anime is one of my favorites! ITS JUST SO CUTE AND IT MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY PLS APPRECIATE SETSU YUUKI MORE 2K18,,,,

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2) when kaesetsu starts dating, i like to think that they probably took things really slow. they probably won’t kiss until…they reach the near end of high school hjkdsfsdkj (though one of the mirumo games defy this but its also not compliant with the anime so-). they probably only got as far as hugging from their junior high graduation (which is at the end of the anime lol).

BUT they probably had a lot of indirect kisses before they actually kissed! there’s a segment at the finale ending where kaede fed setsu ice cream. they probably ate from the same spoon so :’))))

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3) there’s two places that kaesetsu love to have dates in. first, inspired by the anime, is going to the cafe! i headcanon that kaede loves to eat parfaits, and there’s a cafe in the town that monthly have new parfait recipes introduced. they spend time their dates in the cafe, at most, once a month. setsu doesn’t have a big sweet tooth as kaede, but he loves to go there with her because that’s also where they had their first date.

the other place where they love having dates in is probably when they’re camping or mountain hiking! i remember an episode where setsu went out of town with his family to the mountains and rented a cottage, so i can imagine kaesetsu doing something similar to that? though they probably can’t rent a cottage, so they go camping instead.

why i thought of camping and mountain hiking is because it’s…well, they probably feel more at peace when they’re alone together. while beach is an option as well, it doesn’t feel like…something they would do all the time. my perception is kaesetsu is that they prefer to having dates in more secluded places, where they can be with each other and only with each other. the cafe is an exception, because they see it as a special place (and come on, dates in cafes are always cute :3). hence why i thought of camping and mountain hiking, because it’s a date where they probably won’t have a lot of interaction with others!

another plus for dates in camping and mountain hiking, sunrises and sunsets are beautiful on the mountain, and i think they would love that!

other places where they enjoy having dates in: karaokes, probably their own houses, the school rooftop, and the library because of setsu!

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4) KAESETSU KISSES………..it starts with the hand. one day, setsu takes kaede’s hand and kisses it as a thank you for being with him today. he realizes what he did and they’re both embarrassed. especially setsu, because he’s a big dork and he is super new to all this romance stuff despite dating kaede for two years now.

then he keeps kissing her since that date. on the hand, cheek, neck when he’s feeling bold, but inevitably, he lean close to her and asks if he can kiss on the lips, and she complies. they kiss with the sunset behind them, and after one kiss, setsu leans in again for another. and another. AND ANOTH

basically, they learn that they really like to kiss each other. as i said, they take it slow, but once they’re used to it, it becomes a habit.

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5) LAST ONE kaede likes to hug setsu a lot,,,well, after they get used to the fact they’re actually dating each other, kaede tries to be more forward and hugs him a lot!! ESPECIALLY FROM BEHIND, kaede likes to hug setsu from behind and he always gets flustered everytime it happens!!!!! SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!!!

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i guess thats all my headcanons?? i have more but they’ll be really really long if i keep on writing. 

i have some more mirumo content, to the point i wrote some fics for it quite recently! it’s a five part series, with two of the five completed so far! this is the first fic and then here’s the second fic!

welp i guess that’s all?? im thankful youre supportive and willing to hear me ramble abt this ship, bc i dont get a lot of opportunities too ;u;

[jepleurs-icry]

My Life, My Mess, My Legacy Part 3

This chapter is perhaps the hardest to write because of how much I invested in this relationship.

Having had two previous relationships that went sour, I was much more aware of how this person behaved. Not just what he said, but how they acted.  In a way, I was leery of getting into another relationship. In fact, I went back to the singles dances once a month and joined a mixed soft ball league .  A fun league to enjoy a sport and make new friends. A social person I am not.  I am introverted, have way too much "empathy" and I am not a person who is well liked for some reason.  Why? I don't know; it was like that in school. People didn't know me, but they had a judgement of me.  Being unpopular was a way of life.  I really did not care. I had a lot of pride in me.  This was because "our" natural family had been split apart, and we were made fun of at school.  My pride came from my thinking that my family did nothing wrong except be poor.  It wasn't my fault.  It was something that we had no control over. So, to continue on, this pride made me tough, indifferent to what others thought of me.  I did not care.  If they could not take the time to talk to me, or want to be friends, even though I tried, I let it go and observed others but always from afar. The bullshit that people say to each other, boasting and bragging and back stabbing made me stronger.  I didn't want to be like them.  I grew up always observing others.  And I heard a lot of things that people would say, and totally behave another way. So, I enjoyed playing softball, that summer, it was fun! I was not an "A" player, more like a "C" player. But it was fun! But, it was at a singles dance one night, my girlfriend and I were doing a line dance, and I could see this man standing near the bar, but kinda off to the side a little.  He kept staring at me nearly all night. Time went on for awhile, and a few months passed some more, and the next dance I went too, I did not see that man at all.  I kinda forgot about him. I saw him playing on another softball team that summer or spring.  1995 I believe.  My girlfriend would come and watch the games sometimes and she knew I was a tad lonely, so she called out to this man and said something to him.  I think she told him he had a nice ass.  He laughed. I ignored him, as most of the guys there were looking to meet someone or they already had their significant other. At the next singles dance, he was there, and my girlfriend told him he could come sit with us.  But I said no, the seat next to mine was taken.  Although it wasn't; I wasn't prepared to have a jackass sit next to me all night. But, it turned out he seemed to be a nice guy, loved to talk and laugh.  He did talk a lot.  He told me he was a recovering alcoholic and was sober for about 6 months.  He was an alcoholic all his life and had learned it from his Dad. I was very careful, as drinking was not something I wanted in my life, although I did drink on weekends like at a dance or a dinner party.  He would talk and talk.  About, how going to AA had helped him so much. He had a better understanding of how to work out problems without using alcohol.   He had amends to make as well, with his children, family members, co-workers, etc.  He wanted to be a better person. It took me 2 months before we had our first kiss.  He would come over to my place in the evening and we would have ice tea outside.  And, he would talk about his life.  All of it.  I listened to every story he had to say about his family, his Mother and Father, brothers, his ex-wife, his children, his disease (alcohol). Eventually after about one year, the next softball season came upon us and we joined the same team.  He became a popular and was well liked by all.  Especially the ladies. the guys were jealous of him.  He liked to brag about his sport's skills, and about his AA recovery.  That was fine, but hearing it all the time it becomes an Ah-ha moment. Without having good problem solving skills in life, a person does not know how to find solutions to their everyday challenges.  An alcoholic cannot find a way to resolution, therefore drinking is the solution. Eventually we

became a couple.  Slowly, we talked and got to know each other.  I was not sure I liked everything about him.  He used to "spit".  I told him to stop that and use a kleenex, it was gross! He used to swear, which I hated, I asked him to stop doing that too.  This was his old alcoholic behavior talking.,.,  Gradually those things went away.  He worked on himself.  I was proud of him, but still cautious. He was a smoker, and I was not.  He never smoked around me, but he said he was willing to quit, (and I know that's really hard).  He went on the patch at first it helps you to quit.  But he cheated. He would smoke with the patch. Finally after a few months he said he manged to quit for good.  Or so he said. The patch helped him not get the cravings. One day, he was out at the mall, we were living together by then, it had been a year, so I was good with us living together.  That day, I decided to go to the mall to the get something at the drug store.  The mall had a food court and he would meet his AA buddies there, have coffee, and do lotto scratch tickets. When I got to the mall, I finished my shopping and was at the cash and saw him sitting with one of his buddies, doing a scratch ticket and smoking! So much for telling me he quit!  He lied.... I hated liars.  I went over and confronted him.  I was calm, but shaking inside.  I told him I didn't like liars and I didn't want to see him again.  I walked back to my apartment. I don't remember if it was the same day or the next day in the early evening he knocked on my door.  He said he was sorry he lied.  I couldn't help what else he lied about.  He asked me to forgive him and would really quit smoking and never lie to me again. That was not true.  There were many times, he lied about things.  I think it had to do with being so used to lying to his family about his drinking and hiding things, it was second nature to him. But...I was tired of being alone.  I enjoyed his company. I had grown fond of him so I gave him a 2nd chance. Eventually, we took a trip to Kelowna, BC to visit some friends that lived there.  We stayed at a beautiful bed and breakfast.  We fell in love with this small town. Later the following year, we decided to move out there because we thought it was beautiful.  So that August, we moved to Kelowna in 1997. I found part time work at the Real Canadian Super Store, and he was on disability for his back, since he had had a couple of surgeries on his back.  When we moved to Kelowna we had to quit our jobs, but for him he pretended to have back issues so he could get long term disability for 2 years. I got tired of him not working and being home all day.  He started whining about things because he had no car, as I was using it to go to work.  We moved to Richmond the following year, cause I wanted to work full time and in Kelowna full time jobs that pay well are scarce.  After we moved, he was still on disability. He could not find work.... He still lied about things.  During that year in  1999, he found a job being a sales rep for an artificial plant company, that would sell plants to restaurants, or commercial offices. One day he took me by surprise, he said he went to the GM dealer to buy a used van so he could carry the plastic plants around in it, as these plants were quite large.  But I really didn't want to be in debt for a van, which meant another 320.00$ a month. In the long run, no one would buy any plastic plants so he never made a sale. But, we still had the van to pay for.  After 2 years his disability ran out, and there was no more money coming in from his side. In the year 2000, in the month of July, he sat me down in the kitchen and told me we had to move back to Montreal, since he could not find a job in BC. I was devastated. He also said we had to file for bankruptcy because he could not pay rent or insurance any more.  He had zero money coming in.  We were married by then, back in Kelowna we had the Minister come to our house and we had a very small wedding in our living room. So, I would be dragged into bankruptcy too.  He

told me he would take the van and drive back to Montreal with two of our dogs.  I would fly down in a couple of weeks with the other small dog. It was a very difficult period.  I had to give my convertible back to the bank as we could not afford to keep both vehicles.  I was furious, I resented him and what we would have to go through.  I had never been a person who had bad credit. Once he was in Montreal he found a place for us to live, and he did find work almost right away.  We went to a solvency company and declared bankruptcy.  I was ashamed, humiliated, angry and embarrassed all at the same time.  I blamed my husband for having to put us through this. It was easy for me to find a job a couple of weeks after, we moved back to Montreal.  Between the two of us we wanted to rebuild our lives, so we started to invest in RRSP'S.  In 2 years we had enough for a down payment and moved to the suburbs of the suburbs. It was a really nice house, with an outdoor pool, a huge yard, and a Master bedroom downstairs with a private bathroom.  I loved it and we were happy for awhile. After about 6 months of being in the house, my husband became depressed.  His boss was "grinding" him, and there was conflict at work.  This made him grumble about everything he had to do around the house.  He lost interest in me. I encouraged him to write up a new resume, and start looking for another job.  So he did that and within 2 months he found something else, and quit the job he had. His behavior around me did not improve.  I felt him pull away.  Not sure if it was the depression or he just got tired of me.  It was 9 years we were together.  He felt broken, tired. We ended up selling our house and moving back to the West Island to be closer to our work.  The relationship was ending I could tell. We lived maybe 1 year in the new house and we decided to split up.  I moved out into a small townhouse and we split the little money that was left over from the sale. During this 6 month separation, I thought he would really look at what he wanted in life, at our relationship.  I thought he would work on "us", but it didn't happen. Instead; he flew to Hawaii for a softball tournament, where he met another female player called Louis. He knew her from other teams and they hooked up in Hawaii. At one point, I wanted him back, as I still loved him and I was heart broken that all of this happened.  So we tried re-connecting.  He thought he could have her and me at the same time.  I said no.  I said it is better for us to get a divorce now. He drew up the divorce papers and they were signed I think in 2005 or 2006.  The last time we were together and he left for the last time, I walked around the apartment feeling empty.  It was like the ghost of him was still there.  I went from room to room feeling his presence.  It was an awful feeling. It took me a long time to get over him. I'm not perfect.  I was hard on him, to push him to get that other job, to try to get him out of that depression.  Once he was apart from me, he found his joy back.  I could tell. For me, I decided to move to Ontario in early 2007.  Fourteen years later I was still in Ontario.  It was the year of 2012 that I realized I no longer had sad thoughts about me missing him.  I finally was free too, and went back to college to learn something new. I found a new career in medicine and loved it. After 5 years my joy had come back to me as well.  Since then, I am happy, working, almost retired but happy.  I have everything I need and want.  Single yes, but I have good friends that know me and know my heart. That's all I need. There probably will never be another man in my life.  I think 3 was enough.  At least now, if I create a mess with my life, it is my mess and I am not forced to fall into someone else's. I hope you enjoyed my memoirs.  I enjoyed writing about it.  It will give my children a chance to know more about my life once I am gone. Thank you Chickapea