#too much to put them back or anything but i also cant do as effective of a vent scene unless ive got an emotional attachment and
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i've been thinking a lot recently abt how different my current job is to my first job and how much more i like it and why, and it really just comes down to like. basic humanity. at the hardware store, it was a really intense "time to lean time to clean" mentality, we weren't allowed to chat with the other cashiers even during slow days, we couldn't get caught reading/drawing/goofing off while on cash, we weren't even allowed to leave the corral. at the supermarket, we're expected to take our time w the customers and talk to them. the managers and other departments come out when they're bored to come chat w us! i read the local paper during slow hours and draw in between customers, and its great! everyone is also just really nice and friendly which is fantastic, i can't name one person over there i don't get along with
and i happened to remember the first meeting i had to go to for the hardware store lmfao. i showed up in uniform bc there was no indication that it was a meeting instead of a regular shift, we were basically told to go stock the shelves/face items for an hour (? still not sure why. they did this to all of us and it did Not need to be done) and while we were paid for that time i was NOT trained for it, so when customers came up and asked like "hey wheres the plumbing section" i had to go "um. i don't know :) let's go find someone else" and had no way to deal with it when they inevitably got really fucking mad w me for not being able to help them
and then when the meeting finally actually started, it opened w the manager going "ok i heard some of you had some things you wanted to discuss!" and a couple of the other cashiers reading off a list of issues they wanted to address. none of which were actually addressed. it was shit like "when you guys come down to customer service and immediately disregard the policies we've just explained, it makes us look like the bad guys and gets us treated very poorly by future customers" "ok well are we supposed do about that :)"/"you need to give us our breaks on time. if managers have to be in charge of telling us when we're allowed to go on break, they need to make sure they're not hours late when doing that" "well we're really busy so sometimes we forget but i guess we'll try :)"
... yeah. if i had been a little bit smarter at the time, i would have realized 2wks in that this was a baby union, we were being exploited and i was abt to have the shittiest fucking summer lmao
#this is a bit of a long pointless post but i was thinkin abt it the other day and just laughing#like... dude. how did i not see that as an insane red flag#those are all issues that continued throughout the summer btw :) none of it ever got fixed we were all miserable#they also had a rule that if you saw someone stealing you were supposed to CHASE THEM and i mentally checked out of that job right there#i am not going to put myself in danger over a fucking power drill or a garden light. bye#like. if someone is stealing they can just fucking have it. i hate it here anyway idc if i get fired for it#levi.txt#like seriously i am So much happier at the grocery store. this is worlds better#theyre both minimum wage theyre basically the same job (cashier) but its not even comparable#i feel like a person. i dont dread going into work. i feel like if anything happened the other employees would have my back#and so would the managers!#we have a fucking code name to say over the pa in case someone is sexually harassing you! manager AND security will show up!!#and you can LEAVE THE CASH to go calm down and take a breather when that happens!!#at the hardware store it was just. if you want to radio a supervisor abt it you can try but it might take them 15mins. if they show up#in the meantime you cant make that person leave you alone. and theyre going to know exactly who you called and why#also just on a personal note. grocery store is doing wonders for my social anxiety. its like a vr simulation for social interactions#you effectively cant fuck up the interaction too bad people will at most think youre kind of funny and then move on w their day
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hi sorry for my English, but can I ask the boys to overblot with a s/o who likes to mark their face with lipstick marks please
lipstick marks; overblot boysss
aaaaa i love this idea so much, thank you 😭😭
this is perfect because i have an obsession with lipstick<3
riddle rosehearts
it doesn't matter how long you two have been together he still gets so flushed after any kiss from you. you have such an effect on him, it's crazy. so, he doesn't even notice the lipstick stains left on him- he only learned when he heard ace snickering about something and commenting on his left cheek.
he was so flustered by that and learned to always check his face after you kiss him, he has a status to keep up as dorm leader!! he doesn't want to be improper or anything...or hear all the teasing from the others. but he does secretly enjoy it that you love to give them to him.
whenever you pepper his faces with kisses and he has to use something like a handkerchief to rub it off, he'll be all red in the face and mutter something like "oh dear..." under his breath as he worriedly goes to a mirror. but you've sworn you've caught him smiling a little, on multiple occasions.
leona kingscholar
when you come up to him and press kisses on his face whenever he’s asleep and trying to nap- he’ll groan tiredly and tell you not too because he’s too tired to wipe off all your “damn lipstick” right now. (let’s be REAL leona) you usually see a small smirk on his face with his eyes closed though. leona will seem even irritated if you'd stop.
he’ll roll his eyes when he wipes his lips with the back of his hand and sees it stained with the color of your lips and pull you back in for another. by the end of it his lips are smudged around with the shade of yours. its definitely a sight to see if it's a pinkish color.
leona doesn’t actually really care, I mean a lot like the others he’ll make sure to get it off before going out or something… though there may have been a few times he’s forgotten or missed it because he is usually half-asleep when you’re smooching him.
azul ashengrotto
every time you kiss and smooch him, he's so smitten, his brain cant function and he can't think of really anything or anyone else. in the privacy of his office are his favorite moments when you come to check on him and give him affection. this man is putty in your hands idc!!
so needless to say, the first time this happened to him- he doesn't even notice, like riddle. he'll be in such a dreamy mood and state while he does his paperwork. when jade comes to him about something, he immediately covers his mouth with his gloved hand trying to hide the amusement he clearly is feeling when seeing azul like that. he doesn't even tell him because he thinks its funny, jade only said "ah i didnt notice (name) was here earlier..."
azul was confused but brushed it off because he deemed this behavior normal from the twins. azul only learned the hard way when he heard floyd who couldn't keep it to himself.
every time you kiss him azul tries to remember to, but once again he's stuck on thinking about you. when he looks at himself in the mirror to wipe it off, he's got such a stupid grin on his face. his favorite spot to see where its left is right under his mouth where his beauty mark is.
jamil viper
he feels the lipstick left on his face usually and places his fingers against it and has the smuggest smile... he loves it honestly. within the privacy of him in you, when he feels it smudged and left on his face it makes him weak. he pretty much doesn't forget to rub it off still, but sometimes you may see the reminiscent color left on his face.
he oddly enjoys putting your lipstick on for you, jamil would do it for you if you ask him. he likes choosing his favorite colors that you have to put on you. i mean, there's also the perk of him getting kissed as a thanks so he's not complaining.
if you did it out in public, well he will let out a small huff and discreetly tries to wipe it off hoping no other dormmates or god forbid kalim saw him with it, he'll only tease him with mushy things about how cute him and you are together. he pretends like he doesn't like them, so it is rather funny to see. he just doesn't want to appear like that in front of others.
vil schoenheit
he literally does the same thing to you ALL the time. only he chuckles and coos while rubbing it off of your face gently. whenever you two are done kissing both of your faces are covered in each other's lipstick. he personally really likes the look of you like that.
he usually looks into his compact mirror from his uniform, he laughs saying something like "oh my, look at what you've done, dear." like he just didn't leave the same exact thing on your face as well.
vil 100% buys you more and more lipstick... like literally pick what you want. he'll give you the best and prettiest brands, he loves seeing you in them anyway. he'll be amused and point out its a brand he bought for you as he wipes it off his cheek carefully. he also knows exactly what colors would suit and compliment you the best.
idia shroud
idia was a huge ball of nerves when it came to kissing you at first, he's had zero experience, and he feels insecure about his lips- as they're chapped and scarred a bit from him biting his lips out of anxiety. you got him some vaseline and flavored lip balm for him, but he only likes it when you put it on his lips for him.
the tips of his hair always gets all pink, like his groovy card in the ghost marriage event- when you kiss him, and he sees the lipstick stains imprinted on his skin. he is flustered beyond belief, but he always craves more from you- once you start, he cannot seem to get enough of you. idia gives you this toothy grin and wipes them off with the sleeve of his jacket but whenever you get red lipstick on him, and he does that it just ends up looking like blush on his pale skin.
love love loves any flavored ones like lip gloss you use that taste sweet. definitely use them because it'll always work on idia. you literally make this man dizzy and lightheaded with your lips- he doesn't seem to care about the lipstick getting on him one bit when it's the two of you. he'll only feel embarrassed if you give him a small one if you're out and cover his face nervously.
malleus draconia
malleus kisses you so much that his own lips turn the color of your lipstick. not only does it attack his whole face, but you've got his lips in that shade too, he only notices when you point it out and laugh. he'll smile and hum, only to lean in for more from you.
its funny because if you're trying to give him a kiss- with your height difference you'd end up getting a stain on his neck- at best. he thinks it's amusing as he chuckles. he'll give you a real kiss then. malleus is honestly lowkey proud to have them on him, he sees it as a sign of your affection and love from you so why wouldn't he like it? he has this dumb smirk on his face when you've got the darkest shade and you kiss him, it's the most visible on him of course.
like vil, he'll happily supply you with however many you want. malleus loves seeing you wear lipstick, it's really his favorite thing. but as i've mentioned he prefers dark shades on you the best out of them all, for sure.
#disney twst#disney twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#twst#twst x reader#twst wonderland#twst headcanons#twisted wonderland#riddle x reader#leona x reader#azul x reader#vil x reader#idia x reader#malleus x reader#jamil x reader
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Tips for wring amputees: its ok if your amputee can't repair their own prosthetics
There's a trope in fiction for amputees to always be these mechanical geniuses who can make and repair their own prosthetics, endlessly tinkering away and improving them. This isn't a particularly trope, and i dont think its harmful or anything, but in reality, prosthetics are REALLY, REALLY complicated, and a lot of amputees cant do their own repairs. And thats ok. Like, prosthetic creation and repair is way, way harder than I think people expect. Well outside the skillset of your standard mechanic, handy man or craftsperson.
People who make and repair prosthetics are called prosthetists. To become a prosthetist, most countries around the world today require you to have completed a bachelor's degree in specifically in prosthetics and orthotics, which covers not only how to make a prosthetics (and orthodics) but a great deal of medical knowledge, physics, how different forces impact "non-standard" bodies, the additional biological wear-and-tear that comes with being an amputee and so much more. This will qualify you to do the job of fitting/making the prosthetic socket (the part that attaches to your body) and putting premade components together to make a functioning device. On top of this, many prosthetists are also expected to have artistic skills, sewing skills, good physical strength and dexterity, IT skills, and more recently, knowledge of 3D modelling and printing.
You want to make all the high-tech components the prosthetists put together to make the full prosthetic? The requirements for that vary country to country, but most will require at least some level study in the field of engineering and/or medicine, on top of what was already required for the prosthetics course.
The reason for all this is because even "basic" prosthetics are extremely finicky, and messing up one thing will have a domino effect on the rest of the body, especially in more complicated prosthetics. It can also result in people getting severally injured if anything is even slightly off. many leg amputees for example end up with spinal issues due to extremely minor issues with their prosthetic that weren't caught until years later, and by then the damage had been done.
Some amputees do learn to do basic repairs. This is most common in places like the US, where a visit to the prosthetist can cost hundred to thousands of dollars (depending on your insurance), but it's also quite common in rural parts of countries like Australia, where cost isn't an issue but access is due to vast distances between major cities. I was personally in this category; as a kid, my nearest prosthetist was 6 hours away. My prosthetist was able to teach my dad, who later taught me, how to do some of the simple repairs, but we still needed to go in every few weeks for the more complex stuff (Kids prosthetic need more adjusting than adults because they're still growing. Also I was rough on my prosthetics and broke them a lot lol).
But even after being taught how to do repairs and having my prosthetics for 20+ years, I only ever did these sorts of repairs to my below-knee prosthetic. I will not do any repairs of any kind to my above knee leg, which is much more technologically complex. Every time I tried, I made it worse to the point where the leg was unusable. I just leave those repairs to the guy who went to university to learn how to do it, and sometimes even he needs to send it off to someone with even more specialist knowledge when it's really badly messed up lol. Last time that happened Australia post lost the package. Not really relevant to this post, I just find the idea of it being sent to the wrong place by accident hilarious, it was one of my more realistic legs too so someone probably had a heart attack when they opened that package lmao.
Anyway, back on track lol.
This isn't even touching on the fact that on some more advanced prosthetics, many features are actually locked behind a security barrier only prosthetists can access. My prosthetic knee has an app on my phone I can pair it to, that allows me to change certain settings and swap between certain modes for different activities that tell the leg to change its behaviour depending on what I'm doing (e.g. a mode for running, a mode for cycling etc). but most of the more in-depth settings I can't access, only my prosthetist can, and he can only gain access to those settings with a security key given to him by the manufacturing company that requires him to provide proof of his credentials to receive it. I don't really agree with this btw, something about being locked out of my own leg's settings makes me feel a bit of an ick, but it's set up like this because people used to be able to access these settings and they would mess with things to the point their leg was virtually unusable. Because altering one setting had a domino effect on all the others, and a lot of folks weren't really paying attention to what they were messing with, all their prosthetists could do was factory reset the whole leg, which causes some issues too. Prosthetic arms are often similarly complex, as I understand it and have similar security barriers in place for more advanced arms. I don't know for sure though, so take that with a grain of salt.
All this to say these are incredibly delicate, finicky and complex pieces of equipment. There's nothing wrong with having a techy amputee character who can do their own repairs, but in reality, that is pretty rare, and its ok to have your character need to see a prosthetist or someone more knowledgeable than them. It's a part of the amputee experience I don't see reflected very often in media. In fact, the only examples I can think of in fiction (meaning not stories based on real people) where this is reflected are Full metal alchemist.
technically I think Subnautica Below Zero also mentions prosthetists are a thing in that world, but its a very "blink and you'll miss it" kind of thing...in fact I did miss it until my last playthrough lol.
#Writing Disability with Cy Cyborg#long post#id in alt text#amputee#writing disability#disability#disabilities#disabled#actually disabled#writing advice#writing#writeblr#writers on tumblr#writerscommunity#disability representation#authors of tumblr#prosthetics#disability aids#mobility aids#amputee life#amputee problems#full metal alchemist#automail#amputee representation
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I JUST GOT BACK FROM SEEING DUNE PART 2 AND HOLY FUCK OH MY GOD HOLY SHIT HOLY FUUUUCK I NEED TO. I NEED TO. I NEED TO TALK SO BAD HOLY SHIT
below the cut because oh boy do i have a lot to say and i dont want my poor followers to suffer when i post this
oh my god okay okay where do i even start
opening with irulan's narration to mirror her notes in the openings of the chapters of the book. oh yeah baby. i ate that right up
watching paul get close with the fremen,,,,, fucking hell that hurts. dune really is a tragedy at the end of the day huh. they go from reluctant allies to friends but the whole time you know the switch will happen any moment now and they will be devotees and he will be messiah and that gap between them will never be as small as it is out in the sand. huddled in those tents. sharing drinks and laughs. im not doing ok
this especially hurts with chani. their love is so genuine and pure and she wears blue for him (which by the way sticks out so much more with how muted the colors of the rest of the movie are... i could talk about this all day) but she can see what he is becoming and he's trying to avoid it for her so hard but there's no avoiding fate. LORD ABOVE!!!!
i loveeee jessica being the manipulator thats pulling all the strings, urging paul towards becoming messiah. rebecca ferguson is such a talented actress she really understands the character so well. also as a hashtag certified alia atreides enjoyer her scheming with her unborn fetus might be the most unhinged thing ever but thats also so fucking funny aka its as dune as it gets. dune is WEIRD and im glad theyre not shying away from that. thank u denis
arrakis looks so much more beautiful in this movie like theres defo been some changes with how its framed and presented it feels so much grander and idk just ??? what it makes me think is that we're not seeing arrakis, we're finally seeing dune. we're seeing the land as the fremen see it as paul becomes one of them. i might be looking too much into it but who cares. god i love this movie
but yes more on the fremen in the first section of the movie. i like how there's this cluster of non-believers almost?? its a nice breath of fresh air. its hard to believe every single person would be just devoted to the prophecy and it adds some depth.
i will say the one thing i didnt like is the way stilgar is characterized?? i dont think he was so blindly devoted to paul in the books, and definitely not alia and leto ii after him as the atreides line went on. he's always been a source of small doubt towards paul but i think they're moving that element of him onto chani, so i think i can let it slide. i'd like to see him question alia more in the future though.
the scene where paul was named muad'dib and usul??? god it was so cute which made it so heart wrenching. all the fremen coming together and welcoming him into their lives. as a brother. as a friend. only for him to turn around and make them all bow before him. ohhhhh i cant do this
OH BOY THE WORMS THE WORMS AND THE WORM RIDING AND THE AHHHHHHHHH OH LORD
jesus christ. what the fuck. how is this allowed on cinema screens how is something so amazing allowed
the tension. the effects. the sound design. the sand rushing past the wind the worm moving forward paul struggling to hold on the fremen all watching and then cheering him on HOLY FUCKKKK HOLY FUCK I WAS HOLDING MY BREATH
all the worm riding scenes were so intense and so well done like. when i first read that stuff in the books i didnt think anything could ever capture how i imagined it exactly and yet. AND YET. DENIS!!!!!!!!
once more dune hits the idea of scale SO well everything is HUGE and they MAKE YOU FEEL IT. that shows especially with geidi prime but ill talk about that in a bit. but yes this applies to the worms too lord above them WORMSSSS ARE HUGEEEE AND I LOVE THEMMMM
rebecca ferguson put her heart and soul into that water of life scene and we all need to thank her for it
the way jessica is so quick to switch up and go all in on the prophecy. it makes me think of leto's "im not asking his mother, im asking the bene gesserit" like. the bene gesserit really come first for jessica and she takes her opportunity to fulfill her duties. to be the reverend mother. to rub it all in the faces of the other bene gesserit. she is the mother of the messiah and by god will she make everyone well aware of that
okay. okay okay. i think i said my peace on the early fremen stuff. i think. okay fuck okay SHIT fuck SHIT
FEYD FUCKING RAUTHA LADIES AND GENTLEMEN
oh my god okay. okay ill admit it. i doubted austin butler. i saw the cast list and i was unsure(tm). i saw him in the trailers and my faith was restored. and holy fucking shit did he DELIVER
stellan skarsgård's baron harkonnen is already such a threatening figure it feels like it would be impossible to make someone even more terrifying and yet. AND YET
just the way he's introduced. killing servants with zero remorse. LICKING THAT KNIFE THE WAY HE DID??? OKAY WHORE. I SEE YOU. GO RIGHT AHEAD. MAKE IT SLUTTY IN HOUSE HARKONNEN. I RESPECT IT
when the arena doors open and that loud ass fucking music BOOMS. makes the room fucking SHAKE. thats a PRESENCE right there. THATS how you introduce your antagonist.
the music playing as he fights being as fucking deranged as he is. chaotic and weird and unsettling. just. oh my god feyd had such a presence from the moment he showed up and he did not lose it for a single second. you could feel him LOOMING over the movie the whole time just as he looms over the whole book from his very first scene. oh my goddddd oh my godd
GEIDI PRIME. THE ARENA. THAT MASSIVE HARKONNEN PALACE. oh my god. once more. that sense of scale. the harkonnens love to flaunt their wealth so ofc they have huge fuck off arenas and castles where everything and everyone feels so SMALL in comparison.
dont even get me started on the black and white. the way it accents those coal black teeth and mouths. the way it makes everything look so much more inhuman and clinical and PERFECT because harkonnen power is so absolute and ruthless.
and the way the baron sits so so high above watching the fighting. literally impossible to picture his elevation above his people above the rest of the universe. the way feyd looks to him for approval after every movement. even as his uncle is trying to kill him they exchange those little looks and feyd knows hes getting his chance to show off while the baron gives him his "gift" what a fucked up family what the hell
speaking of fucked up family! wow! they are SO fucked up! there is something seriously strange being hinted at with feyd and the baron! feyd making his own brother bow and kiss his boot! those constant threats of death against rabban as if theyre nothing! this family is capital f FUCKED up. they hurt each other as much as they hurt everyone around them. theyre made of violence and blood and they could never show each other kindness because they dont know such a thing
what can i say about the feyd/margot scenes that hasnt been said already. like wow just unpack the boy's trauma like that. use him and then throw him to the wolves. once again the bene gesserit make it so clear this is THEIR empire and THEIR bloodlines and THEIR messiah. too bad jessica doesnt see that collective "ours" and instead settles for "mine" when it comes to the messiah
special shout out to dave bautista before i move on. just cause. his rabban doesnt get enough love. he really sells that balance of ruthless power but also incompetency compared to his brother so well. can you guys tell i REALLY like this cast
WE ACTUALLY GOT TO SEE GURNEY PLAYING THE BALISET WE FUCKING WIN Y'ALL
the paul/gurney reunion being the last shred of the old paul. how he gets so happy "i recognized your footsteps, old man" shoot me in the fucking brain stem it would HURT LESS
a bit off topic and it happened earlier (sorry my thoughts are so all over the place) but i like how they actually showed the process of how the water of life is made. it was actually exactly like how i imagined it when i read the books so thats neat !!
anyway. back to the horrors.
i already talked so much about feyd's presence so just another small note. that scene in sietch tabr. he is a MONSTER and i am EATING IT UP
i cant even begin to explain. how much it fucked me up. when paul took the water of life. i knew thats where we were going. i knew it was unavoidable. and yet still. when chani bent over him and screamed at everyone for making him follow this prophecy. when she was forced to shed tears to save his life. when she got him back only to realize she lost him and he wasnt the person she loved anymore. it broke me
chani's utter hatred for the prophecy and what paul is becoming added to it so much. i know some people are unhappy with how much shes been changed from the books but i think its elevated her character and all these scenes so much. and oh my god does zendaya DELIVER when the spotlight is on her. i never doubted her for a moment but all those changes to chani really allowed to let her shine. thats that euphoria acting coming out baby !!!!
SPEAKING OF GOOD ACTING
TIMOTHEE
FUCKING
CHALAMET
listen i hate the fact that he gets cast in everything these days as much as everyone but hes such a talented actor and i cant deny this anymore. the water of life scene really sold it for me.
he was such a perfect paul already in the first movie but this was the moment it really came out. the way he wakes up so calm and collected. lifeless. monotone. theres nothing theres literally nothing
paul atreides the boy who became duke far too young is dead usul who was the lover of chani is dead muad'dib the fedaykin fighter is dead only the kwisatz haderach remains and thats what the prophecy was always leading us to and yet the moment it happens its so haunting
like i cannot say this enough. that complete switch is so sudden but so subtle at the same time. its still paul technically but hes so different
what makes dune's weird concepts so easy to take in once you get into the book is all that internal monologue that really leads you through these complex concepts slowly. and yet in a few shots and a few lines of dialogue timothee chalamet somehow manages to express the idea of "i just learned the secrets of the fucking universe and im about to start a holy war" ???? HOW DO YOU EVEN DO THIS???? HOW ARE YOU THIS TALENTED???? OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! IT WAS A FEW LOOKS A FEW MOVENTS JUST THE RIGHT TONE OF VOICE AND THATS HIM!!! THATS HIM BABY!!!! THATS THE KWISATZ HADERACH AND THE UNIVERSE IS FUCKED !!!!!!!!!
also. anya taylor joy alia. we only had you for a split second but i cannot wait for you. im sure youre going to completely slay the third movie. give us our beloved tragic meow meow. alia is my fave character so i will be JUDGING HEAVILY. she better bring her a-game istg
when paul storms the war council and just completely takes control of the room so easily. thats the bene gesserit conditioning giving him his pedestal and he is making the most of it. he knows exactly what the fuck hes doing. and once more oh my goddddd all that shouting all that emotion and yet a complete lack of it. timothee spare a crumb of talent for the rest of us
also the way in that scene gurney is hesitant about it all until paul proclaims himself the duke of arrakis. and suddenly gurney has house atreides again and he doesnt care what chani does anymore. hes a follower to paul just as everyone else in that room. nothing changes. fuck me man i cant do this anymore
have i mentioned yet im so excited for chani in the next movie. her arc is so interesting. children of dune is defo not happening with the way chani has been set up so i doubt we'll see leto ii and ghanima but. lets hope we still get all the cool stuff wit alia at least. and maybe chani can be the one who leads the charge against her
okay i need to really fucking. get along with it im dragging this post on im so sorry this movie is eating my brain alive
chani still wearing blue during the final fight. im not saying more than that i might cry if i think about it too much
THAT. FINAL. FIGHT. OH MY GODDD OH MY GOD
IT ALL CAME TOGETHER SO SO WELL
THE WORMS
THE SENSE OF SCALE
THE FIGHT CHOREOGRAPHY
THE MUSIC HOLY FUCK THE MUSIC HANS ZIMMER YOU OUTDO YOURSELF EVERY TIME
THE SOUND
EVERYTHING FLOWING TOGETHER SO WELL
the way the fremen fight for their messiah but still fly the atreides banner. the way paul leads them as their messiah and as a "fremen" but always proclaims himself duke of house atreides first. oh lorddd im unwell
every time paul menacingly emerged from fog/sand/smoke my life was extended by like 10 years thank u denis
gurney killing rabban with as much ease as he did cleared my skin and watered my crops <3
the way the baron was literally dying and still crawling towards the throne.......... the way at the same time feyd ignored him completely and looked towards the doors reveling in the fight ahead..... if that doesnt tell u everything you need to know about house harkonnen idk what will yall
i also love how no one intervenes as paul walks in and kills the baron. not even feyd. feyd looks like he was a little TOO into it as paul killed him tbh. feyd u little freak. austin butler you talented talented man. im unwell
i AM sad we didnt get to see baby alia stab him but ah well. we got a bunch of other weird dune shit so ill let this one slide. the psychic toddler may be too much even for denis and everything he did give us. we'll always have our 1984 alia <3
OHOHOHOHOHOHOH. OH. HERE WE GO
HERE WE GO YALL
THE SCENE IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SINCE READING THE BOOK
THE SCENE THEY SHOWED BITS OF IN THE TRAILER AND THE SCENE IVE BEEN NON STOP YEARNING FOR SINCE!!!
THE DUEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
oh my god oh my god oh my goddddd where do i even start
okay so. the way theres no music. no fancy cuts no slow mo no over the top effects. its just the slashing of the blades and those BEAUTIFUL shadowed shots with the setting sun in the background. this really is the sun setting on the peaceful universe. just pain and suffering ahead marked with the blood spilled from the two who were meant to produce the messiah but who both got thrown off this path by the greed and selfishness of their forefathers. guys im normal about paul and feyd. definitely. i definitely have very normal thoughts about how they are foils and yet two sides of the same coin. yes guys
paul making the emperor kiss his ring is already such an insane fucking scene and it translated to the screen so well. amazing performances all around
i didnt talk much about florence pugh's irulan but she really didnt have much time to shine. im excited to see where she goes next and i definitely think shes a great fit but i need to see more of her to really be able to say more
i will say this. the way chani, irulan and jessica are the only ones who dont kneel for paul. the three most important women in his life who give him his power, everything he has. jessica made him and she made him the messiah. chani opened her life up to him, helped him become and in turn control the fremen, and she shed her tears for him and fulfilled her role in the prophecy against her wishes. irulan is his path to the throne, his key to being emperor. and none of them bow before him because why would they bow before a power they are responsible for, a power they own, a power they gave?
but for chani its different ofc. she also refuses to bow because she despises everything paul stands for.
oh my god i could say so much about the last scene being chani. not paul reveling in his victory. paul leaves for his next bloodshed and chani is left behind crying for the person she loves who she knows is gone. crying for her people, again enslaved. crying those same tears that brought the messiah back into this world.
theres a lot to be said about the role of gender in dune and how it hangs over every facet of this world but thats a whole separate analysis post to be had so ill just throw it down here in this little point
another thing chani does very well in the movies is she really makes paul's villainy explicitly clear. SO many people read dune and completely misunderstand it and walk away from it concluding its a "white savior narrative" and nothing more which. yes!! yes it is!!!! but thats not a good thing!!!! its never stated to be a good thing!!!!
this movie is not gonna let you misunderstand the message of the story no matter how blind you try to be to it. paul is not a good guy. hes never been the good guy. hes the protagonist, but hes not the hero. and chani allows that to translate from book to movie very well. have i mentioned yet i love movie chani
chani fills in the holes left behind by the narration and internal monologues of the book and, bonus points, she holds the people who dont understand what dune is about by the hand and tells them explicitly "PAUL IS A BAD GUY!!! DONT IDOLIZE PAUL!!!! DONT WALK AWAY FROM DUNE THINKING ITS PRAISING PAUL'S ACTIONS!!!"
i think thats pretty much all i had to say. i might reblog with additions as they hit me but yeah i. i enjoyed the movie. so so much. i think i might watch it again sometime soon while its still in cinemas.
sorry for being unhinged hope u enjoyed my rants. kiss kiss night night <3
#dune#dune part two#dune part 2#paul atreides#chani kynes#jessica atreides#feyd rautha#feyd rautha harkonnen#rabban harkonnen#vladimir harkonnen#stilgar#alia atreides#irulan corrino#im so crazy im so feral holy shit#okay im going to bed now#its 1 am lmao#ive been writing these down for like 2 hours since i got back
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Hello! I just wanted to say all the RO's are sooo adorable, and I cant wait to read more about them! I was wondering how they would they react if MC got amnesia and didn't remember them anymore?
(Thank you so much! You are also adorable, haha. Also... ouch.)
S: They are known for their patience. For putting their best foot forward and constructing the most effective strategy to solve any problem. So, when it becomes clear you do not remember a single moment of your time together, they do not waste a single second. Their tactician's mind immediately gets to work on looking for a solution. To any who do not know them well, they seem entirely detached from the situation. But to those who know them well, this is S scrambling. It is in the moments of sombre silence that you might just hear the hitch in S's breathing.
Rain: Rain wears their heart on their sleeve, so as soon as the "Who?" leaves your mouth, tears spill down their cheeks. Despite the pain crushing their chest, it would only hurt more to startle you. So, they quickly wipe the tears away and, with a watery smile, lie. "No, I'm sorry. I must have mistaken you for someone else."
They don't dwell on their despair for too long. Neither of you can afford that. If your memories are to return, they need to concentrate on locating the source of the problem. They know how much forgetting your father's murder hurt you. It isn't a fair fight when your own mind is the opponent. Rain will work with their team to help you. It's a promise.
Taj: At first, they think it's a joke. "Snap out of it, MC. This isn't funny anymore." Their desperation swiftly bleeds into anger. When you recoil in the face of it, the shame burns them. They don't understand what's happening, and that always fucks them right off. Whatever wicked curse or ailment has bewitched your mind had better prepare. The one responsible will feel the total weight of this travesty.
And if the change happens to be permanent... Well, the depths of Hael itself couldn't contain their vengeance.
N: They are crossing every boundary you ever set, but they are much too selfish not to. You know what they are; you fell for them anyway. You gave them grace when iron chains would have been more appropriate. If there is anything, ANYTHING, they can do for you now, shouldn't they do it? So, they weave... and weave, burrowing into your mind, resolute in their desire to bring you back. Then, once you are standing in front of them, angry and vengeful, they will seek out the perpetrator and enact their righteous fury.
Umbra: Umbra hadn't realised the frozen shard of their heart had thawed until it froze over once more. Those muttered words "I don't know you" have plagued their every thought since they first fell from your lips. To hear them again... It's a cruel trick. It has to be. Or a punishment.
It's at that moment that Umbra realises they could spend a thousand years filling their cup with goodwill, and still, it would never be enough to quench the thirst of all the people they have wronged - and it is you who pays the price. They want to save you but fear what their karma may cost you next.
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okay i have to say i hate emily. shes a bitch and i hate what she did to jamie and gray but i cant deny her character is so fascinating. shes literally like if greed was a person?
dont get me wrong as much as i hate her i understand the whole risk taking thing and wanting those experiences she never got to have BUT saying that she didnt need two boyfriends??? she literally could have experienced all the same things she did with one. thats why shes greed. she just took and took everything. from both of them and rebecca too.
but i just dont understand why she had such an effect on everyone? like avery describes her as pretty but she also said she was nowhere near as beautiful as rebecca. is it because she was sick and everyone felt bad? but like even then i cant imagine emily being a pleasant person to be around so i dont get how she made friends with anyone let alone dated two people 😭 but that could also be because we never met her? like we don't really know anything about her which is also really interesting to me. we know of her but that's only everyone's versions of her.
on a different note i keep thinking about the way jamie and gray had different feelings for her. like i just think that while jamie did love her but he didnt love her, you know? gray did. i assume thats why jamie wasnt as affected by eve, he didnt love emily the same way gray did.
jamie feels that way for avery so while eves appearance surely shocked him it still didnt take over and bring up old feelings (for a completely new person lmao)
(i also do know that he knew about eve before but theres still something different between hearing things and seeing them)
jamie and avery are perfect for each other but thats a different thought too. i'm so glad they never really fought because of eve (thank god, i would have cried)
but back on topic, i doubt emily loved them back. like, i feel like its the sort of situation where she just wanted to feel wanted. she probably mistook that for love and assumed she wanted both of them? but its all she ever had growing up too? familiarity? like its suggested that her parents were completely focused on her their whole lives and loved her (she was their miracle baby sort of though so i do kinda get that) but also like i wholeheartedly believe everything starts with the parents.
they were such a big influence in her life, they gave her everything, sacrificed everyone and everything for her and kept her happy. this comes back to the greed thing too. they gave her this idea that everything would bend to her will and she would always get what she wanted. (if you can't tell i have strong feelings about the influence parents have and how they raise their children cus it literally dictates someones whole life until they have clarity smh)
i think the whole jumping off the cliff thing too was like her acting out. she reminds me of gray in that way, she was losing control and she needed to do something she wanted to regain it. she knew she couldnt handle it but she couldnt handle not getting what she wanted more. idk if that makes sense but shes like trying to prove to herself and everyone else that she was fine with jamie breaking things off, that she could handle not being wanted and adored regardless of her actions and she was losing control of everything ig? idk i just think its really interesting the way she took things to an extreme because i imagine she was probably trying to do something else, something worse than what she feeling to get it to go away? emotions are so interesting in that way.
like rebecca (in her mind) was turning against her, jamie was leaving her and her parents would have stopped her from going with gray if they had known and at the time that was (hinted at) being what she really wanted to do and they were all telling her no. she took the only thing she had left to control (gray) and was trying to prove she was fine.
i cant put into words how many layers all of these characters have like jlb wrote such a wonderful series and i cant stop thinking about all the characters. i have so many thoughts running through my head and i could write a take on everyone ☹️
#lottie's thoughts#idk if anyone will read this#i needed to get it out of my system lol#the inheritance games#emily laughlin#grayson hawthorne#jameson hawthorne
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some more ideas for the totk rewritten project (botw2);
underground general ideas i thought about what to theme the underground after, and since its vaguely like underwater in canon i thought id push it much much further, you cant actually dive and while id love that i do want to stay within a certain possible range of it still being a sequel to botw and somewhat based on totk- so im putting the low gravity effect away from the sky and instead in the underground, the ENTIRE underground, that way it is distinctly different in the way you have to play since you gotta work around the low gravity effect, the entire plant life and enemies will also be based on deep sea creatures- anglerfish like ones that half burrow and lure you with their light, those fish (or are they worms?) that hide underground as soon as you step too close, maybe they hide initially but only to make you go closer and try and snatch at you
much more glowy things too, basically everythings got some sort of light on it, there are different creatures flying around that all feature some sort of glow, so there is stuff to see but you cant immediately know what it is, theres a unique kind of plant that when you bother it spews out a dark cloud of spores (kinda like in tp) that dims any light you had; there are some landmarks you can activate or repair with the help of zelda but there is no way to illuminate the entire map and the lil light ferns expire slowly too
i also want it to be way more wet, not full with water but maybe a thin layer of water at most places and some drops from stalactites that fall constantly
there are shadowy ghosts there as well but they CAN aggro (still working on it), either by taking a weapon from their grave or some other things; also considered them or some other enemy that stalks you for some time and the only clue you get is maybe double sound of your steps or something at the very edge of your screen but you can never catch it when looking around (i dont want to make it a horror game but do want the underground to stay as creepy as when you first get down there), something elusive and shadow based that is rarely encountered but stays creepy for longer than the miasma hands sicne it cant get stuck on anything and the only way to be safe is while in the air
maybe some miasma reanimated corpses of ancient shiekah killed when the ancient hyrulean king turned on them (only foudn in the underground in this way; there are others but unposessed in alot of the broken shrines and old laboratories so seeing one suddendly move and crawl after you is probably pretty scary, kinda like the vroken guardians sometimes being still functional)
the dongos are the main friendly animal you can discover there and tame (still working out more details) they can climb around, always emit a little bit of light and the shadow enemy wont latch onto you as long as you are near a dongo, maybe even most enemies will leave you alone if you are riding one, as they are slower than horses, with the exception of gigamas (or a similar enemy ill redesign for that) as they are the natural predator of dongos; when you get to close to one it will react to it and if a fight is initiated it burrows away (you can call it and it comes back to you if you are out of range of that enemy)
tameable animals since i played skyward sword recently i just realized again how much fun it is to fly on a bird, sicne im already dividing the three map layers a bit more i thought it would be cool to make these layers more distinct, in some part by the tameable animals- the sky has birds (based on dinosaurs), the surface has horses, the underground dongos- neither of them can follow you to one they dont belong and the way to call them switches as you switch layers
im not sure yet if those birds should be ridable or are only able to give you a small boost upwards when you call them
magic bar so instead of actual batteries i planned to, as i said before, to put that into links shiekah arm prosthetic, and instead of giving you literal battery symbols on the screen it would be a bar right below your health and next to the symbol of the current selected arm ability
krog seeds a bit more to the krogs- as i said before they are no longer the way to make your pockets bigger- among an armor set i also thought about making the most expensive reward OR the end reward for finding all of them be the eponator zero- maybe it went missing during the cataclysm and maronus (engl. hestu) finds it at some point, so you get your bike back but its locked behind something bigger so you are unlikely to exploit it early on
(EDIT) (forgot to mention the dragons- im putting them each in one layer of the map- eldra in the underground bc gan is there and youknow, demise coming from the ground and fire being associated with the ground etc, farodra on the surface GREEN etc, and naydra in the sky, bc wisdom and owls and gods and all that weeeeee)
(on a sidenote im also thinking about ditching the building mechanic to some extent since i dont think it fits very well as a whole and it makes it too easy to completely skip stuff- i want the main way to move things or to get around be the hookshot/grappling hook part of links arm; still working on all that though .. so far it does seem likely like it will be much more limited)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#totk#ganondoodles rewrites totk#also since alot of the shrines are now more like bigger caves and less in number i thought about making a broken tower into a mini boss#like a mass of miasma spilling from a hole in the ground like the big one in the gerudo area that wields the tower as a weapon#some of the bigger regional changes i wanted to mix it up alot more without redoing the entire map#so gerudo dessert might be flooded#the zora are dealing with all the water in the region having gone through a crack in the earth leading their area to dry up#rito area isnt just snowed in but in an actual blizzard that coated everything in a thick layer of ice#YES ICE PHYSICS WOOHOO#and made them flee maybe into vah medoh whos unfunctional and resting somewhere else#maybe isntead of floating hyrule castle is sunk into the ground .. tho im not so sure on that yet#.... listen theres so much stuff you could do with world to have it have actual changes#what if satoris mountain was half broken and sunk into the ground but the mountain is still there at night like a spiritual footprint#you know#make it actually feel like a big order destroying event has happened!!!
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man i saw your last two posts and i wanted to tell you, you're not cringe, and you're not unlovable
i've had like, one full conversation with you going back and forth on both shared and unshared interests and it had a profound effect on me at the time
I need to unlearn shame, i need to be more open with what i fixate on and what i'm doing (and also the realization i'm definitely on some kind of spectrum), from one chat with someone *loud and proud* like you, how fucking crazy is that?
I hardly know you personally, but it's not hard to gauge how awesome you are, in face of your perceived faults, several of which i share myself, you yap so much but you're so genuine and passionate i and pretty much everyone who sticks here loves to read it, it never gets old, it never gets annoying
you put your whole pussy into innocuous little things about the subject matter, and it's a wonderful thing
you can find friends, you can find love, and you deserve both of those things
this is a little long but it's sentiments i've had for awhile now but no good opportunity to share......
I.... I..... WHA.
WHAT DO I EVEN SAY TO THIS?!?!?! YOU CAN'T DROP THIS IN MY INBOX LIKE THAT!!!
LISTEN... ITS JUST.... I aint awesome!!! Im some 20 year old autistic dude who's too obsessed with a squid woman! How's that awesome!!?!?!? I haven't made an impact on anything... not on the community... not on inkipedia... not on anyone... I have 300 followers... that's nothing...
...or have i?!?! There's no way I could have had an impact on someone... hell even SEVERAL PEOPLE! I just overanalyse stuff that seems so cut and dry but... people are actually positive about my stuff? People say to me that I changed the way they see this important character to me.... BUT THERE'S NO WAY RIGHT?!?!? I still feel like a drop in the ocean. Just a spec of dust!!! I haven't made real change yet... OR HAVE I?! I DON'T KNOW!!! WAAAHHHH!!!
Maybe.... maybe if I have changed one person's perspective, then maybe it was worth it in the first place...
You know. I wanna say that the reason I came to tumblr was because my irl friends aren't into Splatoon and my family gives me a meh shoulder shrug to my interest. It was so difficult for me to explain Splatoon to my parents when Splatoon 3 came out and I picked up the game at launch! So I went here because I felt like it was the best place to express myself. And yeah I'm glad I stuck with it honestly.
I get why my irl friends aren't into Splatoon, they need to buy a multi hundred dollar console that's about to get replaced soon just to play 2 games. And trying to explain to them Nintendo Wii U and Switch emulation is just... I dont even wanna attempt that HAHAHAHA!!!! So I often felt lonely and it felt like I was screaming into a void when talking about Splatoon to them in a discord server. I guess that's where my sense of loneliness comes from.....
I genuinely have NO ONE in real life to talk to about my interests and have someone ACTUALLY listen. I guess that's why I feel cringe and not cool at all. My interests are so nerdy and I'm on the spectrum, my social skills are like D tier. I genuinely cannot talk about myself, i really cant. Its why i have never been in a romantic relationship before.... As a 20 year old dude, that shit fucking stings I'm not even gonna lie. I think about that shit every day. LITERALLY EVERY DAY I'M NOT LYING!!!!
But anyways, I'm getting way too personal on the internet. I don't wanna be some sad sap.
Thank you. Seriously, thank you. I'm not sure if I truly feel like I deserve love but. Thank you anyways. I guess it is a good quality to have that I can ramble and yap and become really focused on something, even if it's not adult things like... getting a job, paying taxes or whatever HAHAHAHA!
#splatoon#ask me stuff#ask me anything#personal#vent post#sorry for venting#thank you#youre amazing#youre a real one#callie cuttlefish#callie splatoon#splatoon 3#gif#i fucking love splatoon
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HIIII FINALLY BACK THINKING ABT. GRAYSCALE WIBBY.!!!!!!!!
actually i'm. more gonna b thinkign abt like canon wiwi in worm terms bc i hav.e. fucking. NO clue how grayscale arc will translate and i'm genuinely thinking i gotta revamp his entire powerset maybe but we'll see!! i'm SO so so so excited to get ur essay on it………
anyway. new haven wards at least a 7 or so!!!!!!!!! they could fucking kill people very very very easily!!!!! they are genuinely terrifying & they r teenagers!!! clingy sad teenagers who it would take several other capes and a ton of armed soldiers and maybe like a tank to bring down!!!! a big part of my reasoning for this & them being insanely fucking op is like… they're the heirs to the triumvirate-equivalent!!! they're out here being hand picked & groomed for the roles of shit like "level cities" and "throw yourself into leviathan" and "fight the slaughterhouse 9"-- they have to be. so scary and have so much on their shoulders & also be fucked up teenagers. to me. i feel incredibly normal about this btw. also i'm sure they all feel so normal about this i'm sure grayscale wiwi sees so much protocol being enacted because of him & feels normal about it!!! im sure people love having his powers used on him and think he's cool and great and not a sick twisted fuck!!! im sure everyone's reactions to him r awesome and have a good effect on his psyche!!!! (also i have. thoughts. on like. vigilante or rogue nhw. head in hands.)
anyway anyway anyway. BACK TO WIWI. I AM PUTTING HIM AT A 9 OR 10. THIS IS. MMM. DEFINITELY WEIGHTED WITH A CONSIDERATION TO THE PANIC AND COLLATERAL DAMAGE VARIABLE. it is genuinely fucking insane to me that william wisp can create perfect simulacra of people that are such close and perfect imitations people Can Not Tell Them Apart. and also that he can create and control MANY SIMULTANEOUSLY. WHILE BEING A DISTANCE AWAY FROM THEM. and they can ATTACK YOU. even more fucking insane is that he can do it with the environment too & can create illusions that massive without anyone even noticing??………. like. just. think about it for a second. grayscale arc is literally already worm world but think about the fucking shit someone could do when they could create such visually perfect copies that no one can tell unless they touch them or he fucks up somehow. think about the shit he could do by faking an entire environment or explosions or anything else perfectly. literally going insane thinking about this & how well it's used in grayscale arc & fucking imagine if that's just. what he did every day!!! god. anyway everything u say about wibby causes me such immense pain i cannot stop fucking thinking about "what do u think he'd do if he saw civilians being evacuated because of him". head in hands. this is literally so incoherent btw sorry but like. wiwi................
GOD. DUDE. I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY IN REGARDS TO WIBBY BUT I CANT TELL YOU YET. GOD. i feel really normal about wibby and david. they have a normal and healthy sibling relationship (<< me when i lie)
i would suggest . not . totally overhauling your ideas for wibbys powers yet. maybe altering them a little but . keep them as is for now. smile. i have some ideas. im like. on the CUSP of learning more about cauldron and the artificial powers i think though so on the basis that i dont want to sound silly about my mutuals favorite piece of media i think i will hold off on that for juuuust a little longer. side note unrelated question. i know hatchet face's power was. like. cancelling out other capes powers. is there something in worm that like. temporarily or permanently removes someones powers. that would be so fucked up! but i am Thinking. how would we go about wibby power loss arc. WOULD we even need to do this. many thoughts head full.
um . hi. roswell my beautiful friend and mutual. "groomed for roles such as 'level cities' and 'throw yourself at leviathan' or 'fight the slaughterhouse 9'" do you want me to die? do you want me to die. also thats got me thinking- do you think part of the reason they chose dakota was his anger for the s9 and what they did to his parents. actually on that note would that be his trigger event???????? i dont remember if we've talked about trigger events for nhw yet. speaking of which i think wibby getting the smoke powers should be a secondary trigger event for him. i still think about that moment a lot and it hurts me so bad. mallard conway im going to kick your ass. would the smoke powers be classified as Master since theyre like... controlling minions or whatever?????? you are the worm master (<< awesome title i just came up with) id love ur thoughts on power mechanics.
im so fucking tempted to give u a little bit of the wibby david essay here but theres a specific scene in grey i need you to hear before i go full tilt into that. for now i will just say. remember the "i thought you were the first good thing to come out of deadwood. the first thing that wasnt sick and twisted" line? yeah. god. uhhhhh finding out the older sibling youve looked up to for basically your whole life is actually a horrible piece of shit person and would throw you to the wolves if it benefited him in some way. but instead he turns you into the wolf and sets you loose on people who you used to think were your friends and you dont even realize it until its too late (yes i used the wolf metaphor on purpose be so proud of me)
ANYWAY. UM. YEAH. greyscale wibby fucking. stalking through a building and all of davids hired guards see the shit hes doing and decide its better to abandon their orders and face davids wrath later than to stick around for this horrifying cape shit theyre not equipped to deal with in the slightest. wibby starts hearing radio calls of hired hands telling each other to get the fuck out of there and he realizes the reason they sound so scared is because of him. and yet. he has to keep going he HAS TO or else this will all be for nothing and hes already done so much damage he CANT let it be for nothing. but all these people are afraid of him now
#i didnt talk about the mechanics of the smoke powers at all but honestly i think u said most of it#yeah. theyre so fucking overpowered and scary and HORRIBLE#kind of power that makes you go oh thank god hes on our side. until#OOPS his big brother is a manipulative fuck. and now hes NOT on your side anymore. uh oh!#MMMMMMM vibrating. cannot wait 2 send u the Essay. theres so much its gonna be so incomprehensible and i will probably make some#misunderstanding of how worm world works mistakes. however this was my IMMEDIATE line of thinking upon deciding to call him william bell#so. yeah#aughuhaguhhhhh.#new haven wards#asks#intertexts#friends!!!
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Kali losing her virginity story time when
sis lmfao it's not glamorous... ngl i 18 and i was crossfaded af at a college party and "superman" by eminem was playing.
LMFAO A MESS, ill talk about it but i don't wanna trigger anyone so under the cut. tw sex under the influence; dubcon
i probably wasn't in the right mind frame to consent or anything tbh (so please dont be like me stay safe). well, honestly now that i think about it, i think it was just that last bong hit that had me out of my mind. although i was already naked atp lol so i was down to have sex. but right after that's when i blacked out and when i came to i was literally moaning as ol'boy had a mouth full of my pussy hjdfasdjhfasdjh. i just wanted to lose my v and get it over with so i was happy to go with the flow. (disclaimer: back in the day when i was drinking hard dark liquor and mixed it with weed i would literally black out, but not go unconscious but just lose that time and not know wtf i was doing for the last 20 mins. But people have told me i was talking/acting like normal so idk.bdjhsdfjh but it happened then too. its only happened to me like 3-4 times tbh all when i binge drank heavy in college and smoked a fuckton of weed. so no it wasn't like i was unconscious and he was hooking up with me anyway).
that said, ngl that was some of the best sex i ever had in college. high sex is always great for me tbh and i dont remember it hurting much (but he had also just ate me out for like 45 min) but i think me and ol'boy just had good natural chemistry. he lived on the 3rd floor and my friends on the first floor said they heard me kfjhsdkjshdfkvjhsd.
one awkward asf thing though is the guy did not know i was a virgin and i would have told him if i wasnt so fucked up fjkhrfkdhgkdf.
also just wanna note, im not sad or upset at all. i always gave zero fucks about the construct of virginity (personally, please if you want it to be nice and special that is your preference and nothing is wrong with that). and sidenote thats why other than the one virgin!reader fic i will write (she wont really give af either tho tbh), i dont like writing virgin!reader cause i dont believe in idealizing it.
honestly i just wanted to lose it cause up until that point i was scared to use a tampon and was tired of being in the bloody dirt trenches with pads fhsdfjkhasfjaksh. like it wasnt even about "losing my virginity to a tampon", i was just scared to put it in. but literally got my period a week later and was like "well a dick has been in me" and found the courage to put it in. i was a silly bitch im fully aware LOL!
but i will say, it was this weird thing after where i felt bad for NOT feeling bad. like i had other friends who idealized virginity so much (then were all pikachu face when they found out i didnt want to tell them i had sex), i felt like there was something wrong with me for not thinking it was a big deal. even sometimes now, i wont want to discuss it just because so may people do idolize it its annoying to have to deal with their reactions and reassure them "no i dont feel like i was SA'd, no i dont regret it, yes i actually enjoyed the experience."
however i will say now im in the middle.
these days im alot more selective with who i fuck as personally i subscribe to the ideas of tantra/tantric sex. That while you can have sex without emotions, you can't have it without an energy exchange. sometimes ive felt shitty after one-night stands or liked the friends with bennies for the pleasure in sex but felt off after. i realized that those feelings weren't due to guilt from slut-shaming but the fact that their energy was off and it was now having an effect on me. so rn im DTF 100%—but yo energy gotta be right. and usually i cant tell that just from the bar or first meeting so ive been waiting more.
i rambled again jsdhsdjhbj but oh well.
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OK YOUR FRIENDSHIP CHART MAKES ME THINK... Is Preme like. still an all powerful celestial/alien being??? I know we saw their chest crystal(?) get shattered in the final battle but like?? Are they basically just a super powerful fairy now????
ough i actually do have a lot of thoughts regarding prim and pukas power sets,, ty for giving me and excuse to share them
I feel like prim and pukas powers as cures are left kinda ambiguous by the end of the movie, so i wanna try and maybe pick out the details and comes to a conclusion
I want to start with what we do know and then go into my headcanons i guess. So to start, from what i can tell Supremes power set can be divided into three categories. Creation, Destruction, and Electricity. Since its stated that Supreme split their power with puka, we can assume puka can do all of this as well.
[this is long continuing under the cut]
For Creation, i feel this ones not super defined. We see Supreme use it a few times, once to recreate the earth, recreating themselves, and also to create life on earth, including puka. I also believe that puka is seen using it. I always interpreted that puka, after breaking apart supremes earth, was the one to put the pieces back together and reform the actual earth with the help of all the precures memories. I would also argue that puka used that same power to create the miracle lights. I understand the miracles lights just kinda Show Up and dont necessarily need a reason to exist, but i think this explanation is fun.
this is also just speculation and probably not intentional, but i noticed that when supreme recreated the earth, the particles and blue. and when puka recreated the earth, those particles were pink <3 [the particles are most likely just the miracle lights but i like this explanation better <3<3]
I feel that the Destruction and the Electricity powers supreme and puka show off can often get confused with each other, so im gonna try and define their characteristics. For Destruction, we see puka use it whenever their paw pads and heart symbol start to glow green. Supreme also follows a similar format, with the green heart jewel on their chest glowing when they specifically use that power, or when we see the symbol on supreme origins chest glow green as well.
We also see it represented with the gold star circles, with both cure puka and supreme beta using them while fighting. Tho i also attribute the star circle to their Creation power as well, since we see supreme beta use it to summon the white supreme clones before the final fight, so its no mutually exclusive to the Destruction power. [love how the stars have a warping effect around their edges argh <3]
The final category of their power set is just an Electricity motif more than anything. We see supreme use it whenever they do their peace sign hand pose, and for them its blue electricity. We see cure puka use it a bit too, more as a charge up before they punch supreme, and we can see that their electricity is pink. Overall this power seems to be what they default to when fighting and not trying to destroy or recreate the world.
There are also a few other little flares of power here and there, with supreme shown to be able to summon bunny shields and use their electricity in a few unique ways. I know personally i like the idea of cure supreme and puka having a variety of powers because i like the idea of them being a duo team. theyd only be able to rely on each other, and would need a variety of attacks to keep things interesting. [im aware there are other cure duo teams but i imagine the enemies supreme and puka fight are much more involved <3]
Now when it comes to the end of the movie, we’re not really told what these two are capable of, but i can speculate. From what we do know, i believe its confirmed that supreme is human by the end, and puka is still a fairy. To me, that means puka can still transform between fairy and cure puka, and prim cant transform into supreme origin or beta anymore. And in regards to what power cure supreme has left, how i interpret it is that they no longer have that power of Destruction. We see the green jewel on their chest shatter in the final fight, and to me that green jewel represented their power of Destruction. So by destroying that jewel, they no longer have that ability.
Now that we have all the information laid out, im going to start headcanoning things for fun. I really like the idea of supreme and puka having contrasting abilities that complement each other. supreme lost their power of destruction at the end of the movie, but that leaves the question: does puka still have it? I dont see a reason as to why they wouldnt still have it. There is something i adore about the idea that the character who despised their power not only used it to save the world, but is now tasked with the responsibility of ensuing its used responsibly.
They would also contrast each other in fighting styles. We know that supreme is very skilled at physical combat, and i believe that its something they would need to rely on more as a human. i like to think theyre more limited in their moves as a human cure. we see supreme beta floating and teleporting, but now they cant do that anymore. theyre really just limited to their electricity blasts and own skill. And while skilled, i do believe they would have to adapt to fighting as a human. Something i noticed during all their fights is that if they do get hit, they always seem relatively unaffected. As origin gamma and beta, supreme would just take the hit point blank. The only times theyre somewhat out of control being when theyre taken off balance. But as a human, taking a hit hurts, and i think theyd have to learn to get used to that. It doesnt matter how skilled of a fighter you are, as a human you have limits. these limits frustrate supreme, but theyd learn to enjoy the challenge that comes with it and fighting.
when it comes to puka and fighting, i feel they still dont really enjoy it. theyre powerful, thats for sure, but theyre clumsy. they landed one great punch in the movie, but that was it. they seem like the type that would charge in with too much momentum and then not know how to put on the brakes. they understand their destructive abilities are linked to their emotions, but maybe falter every once and awhile. but they are determined to get better. they look up to supremes coordination and composure, how they were able to harness such power so gracefully. even if their intentions back then were not ideal. puka knows the power they have is important and their responsibility to use to help those who need it. supreme understands that too. puka is more willing to change than them, thats why its their responsibly.
#yayyy i love bunnies yayyayyayy#pc#long post#ask#thesilliestofgals#always appreciate ur asks they let me think and talk <3#ive reread this like 5 times were gonna pray there are no egregious typos i missed#also apologies for the weird formatting? tumblr keeps undoing it and idk how to fix it lol
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*succinct & eloquent opening line. maybe a clever joke or quote* :D
do you ever sit there and contemplate your life choices after like a certain experience or a talk with a loved one?
do you ever come across a quote or a piece that seems like it was written for you in this particular moment in time? an anecdote that mirrors your current situation perhaps?
well im currently going through it & after a double whammy of mama lore TM during some resurfacing anxious & assorted crises, i dont even know what im going through anymore. but we shared a really sweet heart to heart and reminisced over good and less good times aw!
i am reminded that there is still much to life, light to be sought and found, good times yet to be had. its bittersweet. its mature. its scary? its like coming to terms with your mortality but on a smaller scale. or bigger whos to say...
i wont be venting anything, i think for now at least im content to vague post lmao. also my dad bought me some stress eating treats so i might need to go wallow in my feels for a bit
after i jinxed myself by saying im going on hiatus but failing to stay off the website lol (i had moot withdrawl symptoms sue me), i wont be repeating the same mistake, but with context clues i trust u can see where im going with this
it might sound presumptious to state so confidently that this next month of my life will be the hardest in my career, especially since im not even half way there yet, but the truth of the matter is that it is.
ive been struggling for well over a year now (mostly academically) and im both succeeding in places i didnt before (alhamdulillah!) but failing in the exact same places elsewhere. guys i may have anxiety lol
self fulfilling prophecies, nocebo effect, whatever it is & regardless of what you want to call it, its rough. its hard. im tired. theres still so much left and im tired. i shouldnt be this tired. or this empty. or careless. what have i let myself become? why am i punishing myself still?
this coming month will dictate the rest of my future and ill have no one to blame but myself if i let the opportunity slip through my fingers. but if all goes well inshallah i can put this all behind me and start anew so theres that silver lining :D
i kinda lost direction of this post about half an hour ago lol. my point is im going to try harder at balancing several life aspects bc i really cant put it off any more. i need to establish balance because ive been out of the loop for too long now. *shudders in python*
anyways there are plenty of things i have to work on, both in my studies and life, so i have that going for me *party kazoo noises*
id love to grace you all with some wise words or a life lesson or something but i dont have a neat one liner to sum up anything. despite that im writing this because sometimes letting thoughts float in my head isnt enough, i need to articulate and write it out because to let them roam in the vast expanses of my mind under the pretense that i achieved something is frankly silly as it is counterproductive.
a n y w a y , to anyone and everyone reading take care of yourselves and your loved ones. i wish everyone the best in life and in their endeavours. i will probably pop back in every now and again to catch up on messages and make sure everyone is alive and nothing burned down. i will however attempt to exert self control. (key word: attempt)
aight imma head out before i get too emotional or combust with the need to say something stupid like i love you be more unserious XD
#*thoughtful and anecdotal tags*#anyways lol#wake me up when september ends#tldr im getting my shit together hopefully#shout out to my parents for loving me when i disowned myself lmao#i love you very much :')#was extremely tempted to make up a proverb/ metaphor the way parents do when teaching u a life lesson lol#personal post#ish#unserious post#vent post esque#eh whatever#its a bit all over the place but hey so am i ;)#anyway farewell#barely proofread#we die like my procrastination starting tomorrow#heh geddit
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Yknow if were talking about rarepairs/crackships….how about Sammy/Grant? Listen hear me out- i think I started shipping them a few years ago back during the og fandom days, but since my interest in bendy has been reignited, so has my interest in this ship lol. And im ngl, have you ever noticed how similar Grant’s office is to Sammy’s Sanctuary? They both play that same whispering effect when you enter them, they both have an ink pipe in them, they both have a bendy item in them (sammys bendy plushie and grants bendy clock), both have writing on the wall…
Even just beyond that, its implied they died the same way too, from drinking ink? And how they both seem to put the blame on others for joeys mistreatment (sammys whole “useless sheep” bit in that newspaper and grants “STOP THE WASTERS!!” bit on his office walls). and even though theres like, BARELY ANY GRANT CONTENT IN CANON, he does have a minor connection to the ink demon, as one of the flashbacks in chapter 1 is of the ink demon on level S near his office, and although this probably doesnt mean anything, the fact that the first time we see sammys cult is when we open the door to the archives via a handle we had to get from grants office specifically….👀
Plus just the miscellaneous stuff like grants va being a musician, one whose song was specially placed in sammys office- idk, *marge voice* I just think they’re neat! :)
THATS AN INTERESTING ONE… I’ve seen it around a fair bit lately but it feels recent??
Before I dive in, I do wanna address the ink-drinking – I’m a little biased, since I tend to headcanon the ink-drinking as unique to Sammy, but I feel like Grant also drinking ink is not something that’s implied so much as a headcanon that got popular? We can pretty easily accept that Grant transformed at SOME point, and the shared whispers imply that they were both under some inky influence, but that doesn’t tell us that ink-drinking was to blame. The note in BatDR about Grant looking ill could certainly be used for an ink-drinking headcanon, too, but as far as Evidence I think all it tells us for sure is that Grant was Very Stressed. [also trying to merge BatDR Grant and BatIM Grant into one entity seems messier the longer I think about it but I CANT GET DISTRACTED BY THAT NOW, THATS FOR ANOTHER POST]
ANYWAY, all the little things about this one having a valve in that one’s office and this one being voiced by a guy who did a song that’s in the other one’s office are neat but ultimately I feel like that stuff isn’t want sells a ship, for me – the biggest thing is a compelling dynamic between the characters.
There’s so much between these two that complicates them –
-- good money and hiring his own people were Sammy’s two big asks when he took the Music Director job, so he could easily be a source of financial strain and seen as one of the “wasters” Grant is so frustrated with, and it’s also not hard to imagine Sammy blaming Grant as one of the useless sheep who can’t do his job right once paychecks start coming in late. Add to that Grant being described as having no creativity at all in the Employee’s Handbook, and trying to imagine what he would relate to in Sammy “my special interest is music” Lawrence. Though I don’t know, that one could be fun. Does Grant like music despite not “getting” it? Can Sammy and Grant relate to each other through the intersection of music and math? Or does Grant just conceptualise music as a kind of math, which Joey thinks is boring but Sammy knows is not far off, and Sammy with his partially jazz background is INTRIGUING to Grant because what he’s making sounds good but isn’t following the rules…? IDK, Grant and Sammy learning to understand each other through understanding each other’s work is a neat thought.
On the surface they’re both frustrated men who want things to be under control and are frustrated with Joey’s spontaneity, but while Grant is having a meltdown over WHAT WILL JOEY SAY?, Sammy is screaming about pleasing a god rather than a man and certain that he’s found the one who will Set Them Free. Grant’s characterisation could be taken in a lot of directions, but it’s not hard to imagine him as the phobic to Sammy’s counterphobic.
Which is INTERESTING, because you get a dynamic that seems to work, as Sammy gives the impression of a leader who can offer certainty and something to depend on – and you CAN depend on him – but he’s actually a follower at heart who desperately needs someone to answer to, someone to believe in, and I don’t know if Grant can be that someone. Sammy and Grant BOTH want to be the one behind the scenes with someone else in the spotlight. On the other hand… we know Grant’s massaging numbers and fudging things and illegally hiding assets. It wouldn’t be hard to characterise him with a bit of ruthlessness as well, someone who’s not afraid to break the rules when he feels he has to; while Sammy seems frustrated, overstimulated, and perpetually at odds with a system he doesn’t fit in, Grant is willing to learn the system well enough to bend the rules to his advantage and know how to get away with it.
If you go with this take, you get a pair that could be dangerously effective but also dangerously fragile. I don’t think they would challenge or change each other so much as just reinforce each other’s ruthless caution – as long as they’re in cahoots, they’d be loyal to each other and value no principle above each others’ well-being. But the instant either of them mistrusts the other, they’d combust.
#this one's hard to talk about concisely b/c there are just a LOT of options for how to characterise Grant#but it's a neat concept...#grant x sammy#i'd say there was magic there#i know you have questions you always do
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sasaki and miyano ep 1 reaction under the cut ✌️
lmaoo "do you want me to put you in slash art" has no effect on sasaki
i love how miyano's lil ahoge (is that what the little hair antenna on his head is called i dont remember lol) flicks back and forth when hes lending sasaki his manga
"treat it like a toxic substance" my guy is so tightly strung hes literally me
AAAA HES SO FREAKING CUTE WHEN HES GEEKING OUT ABOUT HIS BL I LOVE MIYA SO MUCHHHH (im literally sasaki)
"im pretty down in the dumps, could you tell me about your love life to make ne feel better?" meanwhile freaking flowers are flying out from his head XD
"jokes on you i have a reason :3" SASAKI MY LIFE IS YOURS
heheh he cant handle any spice lolll
ooo flashback timeeee
OBSESSED WITH SASAKIS INTERNAL MONOLOGUE AAA
sidebar, i would totally recommend the light novels if anyone is on the fence abt reading them,, i was ju a t reminded about the backstory we get abt how sasaki and hirano got to know each other
"if the teachers late, then im safe" SASAKI MY PRECIOUS BOY (my anxiety could never let me be late for anything but more power to you <3)
in the flashback where sasaki feels up miya's shoulders it feels like today is is second day on earth lmaooo
hirano looking out for his kouhai, gotta love him <3
"i didnt mean /that/" HAVE I MENTIONED HOW MUCH I LOVE THE DUB
awwww sharing umbrellas what a classic bl tropeeee
also i love their height difference so muchhh
"maybe ill like the [extra sweet peach tea]" says the guy who knows hes not a fan of sweets :skull:
AHAHAH ITS THE LIQUOR CHOCOLATE MOMENTTT i love how miya remembers the drink sasaki got earlier, im exactly the guy who would get caught up over someone doing smth so simple for me
"everything is too much right now" BROTHER YOU ARE SO REAL FOR THAT
top ten hetero thoughts: his hair looks really soft
theyre sml and delicate, but these are a guys hands
hes really kind and so earnest too
"you really are cute, you know that? wanna go out sometime?"
kuresawa comin in clutch with the bandage
yooo another kagi mention, i miss them so much (the hirakagi manga is nowhere upto the sasamiya manga and i miss my boys so much)
AAAA THE SOFT LITTLE SMILES THEY EXCHANGE WHEN SASAKI THANKS HIM FOR THE DRINK
I LOVE THIS ANIME SO FREAKING MUCH I LOVE MY BOYS AAAAAAAA
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OH I HAD A FUCKING CRESCENDO IDEA (FOR THISE WHO SIMPLY DO NOT KNOW :tm: ITS OUR ENSTARS RP GROUP EHEH)
MAGICAL GIRL AU
imagine
CRESCENDO but something like Yuki Yuna is a Hero which i TOTALLY forced you to watch
the heros are the members of the “hero club” or some sort of idolistic club and they go around and sing and dance for everyone else but the main premise of the club is to find sacrifices worthy for “god”—whoever that may be. So when Crescendo’s first mission begins, they freak out.
Kiyama, although excited, has never been beyond this side of the world. Where the gods lay. His flower may be something like… a sunflower, and his weapon being a polaram or breakers or something like that. something with high mobility.
Miharu is given something like. a daisy maybe? (wasnt able to find anything on masking) and their weapon is maybe something defense-related.
Kirina’s flower is a white lily. Since Kirina expresses herself through dance her weapon might be something like a fan or some sort of leg brace based on kicking
Sato’s flower is a lilac, since Sato (i think) values family and close bonds. maybe their weapon is something based on chanting and bringing things together— like the vines itsuki has
Katsu’s flower is a Strelitzia since they symbolize a free spirit. Maybe Katsu’s weapon is a straight up electric guitar or a gun of some sorr
Shion’s flower is a white rose, my gay ass loves to focus on shion’s split between her unit and crescendo, since she can only focus on one after the events of ykyk.
Anyways with these, this idol group is tasked with the duty of protecting the world against the “Vertexes” or the wrath of the gods against humanity.
Hehe what do you think so far?
HI. I GO INSANE OVER CRESCENDO. HIIIIIIII I LOVE THEM SO MUCH DID U GUYS KNOW THAT. ANYWAY I WROTE A LOT IT GOT A BIT LONG SO. MORE RAMBLING UNDER THE CUT ^_^
@twowink @lycanthian @shards-of-brilliance @crooked-corvid hope u dont mind me tagging yall but its ur lil guys (gender neutral)
also im sorry i never got around to watching it o7 i think i accidentally closed the tab for it while doing a tab cleanup KLJHFKJSHDKFJ
also FUCK YEAH . MIHARU WITH DEFENSE. GOD. IM INSANE ABOUT THAT. IVE ALWAYS IMAGINED THEM TO BE LIKE . A PROTECTOR OF SORTS. YKNO . LIKE THEYRE CHILL BUT THEYLL ALWAYS HAVE UR BACK AND AOUR(ITDIFYGSDLIFUGSDFLKJG they have a shield and they most definitely have a helmet that they sometimes wear because im all for the "masking" and "putting on a different face" thing they have going on (if this is how you learn about this then. there u go! altho it seems i alr told you about it mostly . yeah i think i did say somehting about that) anyway. miharu sooo has paladin vibes. hgrhgh
i think kiyama (or katsu) should have gauntlets. they deserve to punch people. altho an entire electric guitar is SICKKK anyway kiyama probably would have Some armor (probably leather) on his upper body bc . hes gonna be in the middle of all these weapons ykno. he needs to be at least somewhat flexible and light on his feet right? hm. i dunno . kiyama and katsu are difficult to think about for this. katsu definitely has some lightning effects going on. That will stay.
SHION. I DIE IMMEDIATELY. OAURGHHRGHGRHGJHRGJRHG ourhg. she'd be probably one of the ones dealing dmg too. give em a sword ^_^ classic fighter. also im putting them in a skirt u cant STOP ME. oh if u havent caught on EVERYONE IS GETTING SOME ARMOR. YOU CANT STOP ME. magical girls outfits with just frills and fabric be damned. I NEED TO PUT SOME METAL ON THEM I NEED TO MAKE THEM KNIGHTS (no not en.stars knights sorryy still love them tho ^_^) GOD. IM INSANE. MAGICAL KNIGHTS WITH FLOWERS??!?!?? OUHGHHHH
heheh ok time for kiri~~ she definitely has high mobility!! aaa implementing her dancing ability into her fighting style!!!!! i think shed try to learn how to fight using a halberd at first but she finds it awkward to move around with and then she (or sm1 else helps) comes up with the idea to do what shes used to: dancing. if shes so used to moving gracefully without holding heavy things then why doesnt she just. do that ? !!!! anyway im putting her hair into a high ponytail as we speak. although im having difficulty in imagining her in armor. ill work on that.
satoo waaaa so theirs would kinda be like. immobilizing enemies? kinda?? ough interestingggggg i think their armor would be relatively light (like kiyamas) but im thinking maybeee . ok i lost the thoughts dammit its hard to think about things for sato too :((
tldr i need to draw them all. specifically i need miharu in flowy fabric and armor. with flowers. and a shield. FUCK now im thinking about hades im sorry (i am crazy ok)
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hey. dont cry. dissection of the passerine animatic + the accompanying character study ok? ok.
tldr: my son chun tao she is so fucking ill
Honestly Passerine is THE Chun Tao song. To me. bc it fits really well with his religious guilt, but i also like to recontextualize the chorus to instead be him talking about eri. they were the one really pulling the weight during the early days of their friendship, and chun tao feels a lot of guilt for that
but first! the animatic! it centers around chun tao's guilt for eri being so sweet to him despite him being a stoic ass cold bitch. i actually color-picked the palette from the album cover of eurus (that passerine is from) and slapped on a noise filter to achieve that same grainy effect. it looks nice 2 me.
eri is represented in a distinguishing yellow, someone bright and unique to chun tao, while he himself is colored in the same white as all the other details in the background. While making him the same color as the lyrics helped establish they were His thoughts, him blending in w everything else while eri has their own unique color is his way of putting eri on a pedestal, viewing them as more important than he'll ever be. they're the monarch and he's just their prince consort. that's how he always thought of it.
i dont have much to say about these frames in particular but here are their corresponding parts in the study! theyre just meant to establish their relationship w one another before leading up to the next part, where he sees eri as this blinding light, but just cant let go of that one sign of weakness they had shown him during their wedding. a small glimpse of a them he didnt quite understand yet, and never made the effort to.
at some point, chun tao Snaps and berates eri for trying to get so close to him. at first i wasnt sure if his mindset made.. sense? but connecting the dots from earlier, it DOES make sense if you see it through the point of view that he sees eri as someone above him. chun tao isnt someone who deals with people and he's used to impersonal business relationships and he thought this would be another one of those which is why he's so shocked, caught off-guard, even offended at eri threatening his status quo. brother hates vulnerability, and it terrified him that someone was trying to get through his walls, so all he could do was lash out.
im not absolving eri of blame either though.. i think they still had some wrong in not immediately recognizing chun tao's boundaries. they were so eager to be her friend, they dont realize they might come across as overbearing. and they were, in a sense, but chun tao does also realize its unfair to them to take their innocent gestures of friendliness with so much malice. they just have conflicting ideas on the world, and it clashed, and no one's totally wrong but no one's totally right, they were just coming from their own places.
In here chun tao watches as eri reels back and apologizes for all the things she had shouted at them at. but it's also the same moment chun tao realizes that she does Not know much of anything about eri at all. it's very faint, but there's the outline of a sobbing younger eri staring straight at the screen, supposedly at chun tao, like a reminder of the eri she never got to meet herself. one that was hurting just like her. and that younger eri still resides in the one standing before her crying too, she just never got to see that side to them because she never bothered to figure that side to them out. (AND the "your" is intentionally written twice, like its referring to both eri in the present and eri in the past. by failing to understand them, chun tao feels like he's failing both eris.)
as mentioned earlier, chun tao gets mad at eri for having a "perfect life" and thinks theyd never understand her. but. the thing is. chun tao isnt LETTING them understand her. she keeps pushing them away. and she realizes it was presumptuous to assume they would understand her, because well. she.. doesnt even know what eri's Been through atp. she just assumed eri's life's been perfect because theyre so composed and chipper, but she didnt know who they were a couple years ago at all. she thinks that bc eri's secret relationship is lovey-dovey that their love is perfect, but chun tao didn't see their toxic yuri of a start and that they face a lot of problems as a couple too. chun tao thinks that bc eri is so well-loved by the public that thats that, but she remembers that people gossiped AND gossip hard about them bc of their status as a non-sorcerer. they were dehumanized and alienated by the public too, just like her. and this realization hits her HARD.
he then tries to make an effort to be more involved in eri's life after this point, reconciling with them and becoming their best friend. okay tbh the scene described in the character study is NOT the same as the one pictured in the animatic but i HAD to get a hug in there somewhere.
the last two scenes are a BIG flashforward to ursa's creation, where chun tao is panicking hard about eri literally dying to create their homunculus baby. also ursa is drawn in white but has eri's yellow present too, showing how he's a combination of them, their little kid :D
the whole lyric bit of "but i cant shake this feeling that i was only pushing the spear into your side, again and again and again" is supposed to represent chun tao feeling like a thorn on eri's side causing them pain. he scolded them for being nice to him, and they went on to sacrifice their life in a dangerous ritual to create their son and uphold tradition, but he just feels so so guilty for all of that. he cant shake the feeling that he's a source of their pain and suffering, and it eats him up alive.
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ok ANYWAY moving on to the CHARACTER STUDY NOW!!!!!!!!!! just parallels and stuff w the writing
guys im a fucking feature writer of course im going to start and end with the same phrase ("chun tao is not a people peson, and his family knows this very well"). chun tao refers to two different families in the opening and closing segments: in the first he refers to his biological family, and in the second its about the family he found and made in quiro. both his families knows he struggles with social interactions, and his bio family (his cousins) make fun of him for it, so he goes on to detail how he views social interactions as a system, a formula he understands. his family in quiro instead tries to HELP him get better at it, and he instead recognizes that social interactions are something personal that require heart and genuine investment (shown in how he notes that ursa cares about him deeply), even moving past his frozen style of speech with the mention of jokes. tldr he's fucking cringefail at socializing and his bio family called him cringe but his chosen family said he's cringe but free. what
Perfect life/love/reputation. At first he hates eri for having these "perfect" things and thinks theyre sooo happy because of it, but later on realizes that their life isnt perfect and neither is his, but he finds joy in what he has anyway :)
the repeated mention of chun tao saying he'd never fall in love with eri bc he's so stuck in his rigid view of romance, but later comes to love eri as his best friend AND love his found family too :'3
chun tao wondering earlier if she should try to emulate eri's pleasantries, and ends up doing so later down the line! both lines have the same structure with the "quick greeting + smile despite being tired"
"Ahia" is Chinese for the eldest brother and it's also used to refer to children to know their birth order. Chun Tao calling Ursa this is an acknowledgement of him going to be a big brother soon! tbh in my head thats what the meeting eri called for is about but its just my headcanon (<== SAID THE ONE WRITING THE STORY)
ALSO i dont have screenshots to show but eri is only intentionally mentioned by name in the flashforward, to show how back then chun tao only saw them as THE princess/monarch but eventually comes to recognize them as eri, his bestie :3
oh my god i. think thats it? good god. might add onto this if i remember more but. thank you for entertaining my insanity why is this 1400+ words I NEED TO EAT BRUNCH
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