#tony stark is a snarky shit

[giantkillerjack]

One thing you gotta know about me is that I will quietly unfollow the fuck out of anyone on tumblr who reblogs or posts anything even remotely positive about Tony Stark, like I will politely show myself out SO FUCKING HARD they won't even know what hit 'em. - probably because they are unlikely to notice it at all

[ironspiderfics]

definitions are changed

by @iron--spider for @meilz

~

Rhodey hasn’t been able to get a hold of Tony all day.

And he’s dealt with that in the past. Plenty of times. Too many to count. 

It isn’t an immediate red flag, like it might have been in the old days, but it gives him pause. Almost everything Tony does gives him pause. Because he’s always doing some shit.

But Rhodey goes about his day—does some paperwork, attends the virtual visit with his doctor, finishes filing the new entrants for Stark’s Displaced Blip Persons program—and he doesn’t really worry. He doesn’t really think about it.

…he does think about it…but not actively. Passively.

And when he realizes he isn’t worrying, he starts worrying. Like an on and off switch flipped by an iron hand.

He sits down in the living room and tries Tony’s cell again, gets the same three rings and snarky answering machine.

Rhodey clicks his tongue. 

Tony’s probably fine. Rhodey thinks about calling Pepper, or even Peter, but he tells himself, once again, that he’s probably fine. 

Probably.

Tony nearly died after all the bullshit, and Rhodey could say that about various moments of Tony’s life, sure, but this last one was the closest they’ve ever come to losing him permanently. And Rhodey knows what that’s like—on a smaller scale, but still. World nearly ended, Tony nearly gone along with it, and he’s been—calmer, since the dust settled. More behind the scenes, on most things. Not risking life and limb as much as he would have before everything went down.

“So where are you?” Rhodey says to himself, looking at his phone. 

It isn’t like they had plans. They live together, technically, at the new facility, and he normally knows where Tony is and where everybody else is, but he’s overthinking this. He’s definitely overthinking this. 

And he continues to do that.

He checks Friday’s list of who’s on the grounds. Just to be sure.

Happy’s here, at Security Central. Pepper is not here, but the calendar says she’s in Jersey today with Natasha, which tracks. Bucky and Sam are here, Thor isn’t here but he’s scheduled to be here tomorrow, but no Tony, and…no Peter. 

Red flag.

Rhodey clicks his tongue again, seeing both of their names grayed out.

Correlation.

Chaos.

Rhodey can almost hear them laughing. He can almost feel the destruction in their wake. Peter is like a little version of Tony, and just as insane, if not more so, and he makes Tony more insane than he already was, in a different way, and Rhodey always thought a lot of things blew up when he worked with Tony, but Peter and Tony? It’s outrageous, it’s—it’s always something—

They’re sweet, sure, if sweet is a fireball cascading through the sky and Iron Man flying after it and Spider-Man trailing after him shooting webs at the fireball—

Rhodey sucks in a breath. Tries to turn his brain off.

Maybe they’re out to dinner? Maybe they’re at the workshop in Queens? Maybe they’re playing Mahjong with May, sometimes they have those weird tournaments. Maybe Tony’s touring MIT with him again. But Rhodey would probably know about that, he went with them last time. Maybe they’re—working on something—

Maybe they’re not even together. Maybe they’re both off being normal somewhere separately. 

Rhodey bristles, for a minute.

Then he picks up his phone and texts May. 

Seen your nephew today?

He doesn’t know why his brain is jumping to conclusions. He isn’t the one with the Spidey Sense, that’s the damn kid—but maybe he has a Tony sense, after his years of experience, and maybe it’s been heightened since the kid came into Tony’s life, since the kid was unceremoniously yanked from Tony’s life, since Tony spent a year and a half running himself ragged trying to move time and space to bring him back.

And he did it, didn’t he? Twisted the fabric of the universe to bring the kid back, and everyone else along with him.

And he hasn’t really let him out of his sight since…

He’s my kid, Rhodey. He is, not my blood, but he is—like you’re my brother, that’s my—that’s my—he’s like my son, he is. I can’t—there can’t be a world without him. Not while I can do something about it. Not while I can still try.

Tony likes to bury his sentimentality sometimes, but it works its way out with the people he loves most. 

He’s a big marshmallow.

May answers and Rhodey grabs his phone. Not since this morning, he was on some mission with Tony. He didn’t tell you?

And Rhodey doesn’t have a second to process that before someone is literally bursting through the main door.

And that someone is the tiny, previously mentioned spider person, and he immediately falls flat on his face, on top of the door, which is no longer connected to the wall. He scrambles a little bit, briefly, as if he’s forgotten how to move his limbs, and Rhodey jumps up before Peter even braces his hands on the ground. Or on the door.

“What the hell?” Rhodey almost yells, weaving around the couch to get to him. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Peter is all dirty and dusty and his mask is only half on and his hair is sticking out in tufts from underneath it. He’s moving like a brand new baby giraffe, like he can’t pull himself back up, and Rhodey reaches him and hauls him up by his arms. 

The kid looks around, his eyes wide like he doesn’t know where the hell he is.

“You destroyed the door,” Rhodey says, glancing over his shoulder. “Did you forget how to use doors, Parker?” He shakes his head, holding onto him. “It’s on the ground now—where’s Tony? What have you two been up to now, Jesus—”

Peter blows out a breath, looking around, and he finally meets Rhodey’s eyes.

He grins at him. “Hey. Hey! What’s up?”

Rhodey’s eyebrows furrow. “What’s—what’s up? Did you just ask me that? Don’t tell me you’ve been drugged again. That would be upwards of eight times this month—hey, earth to Peter—”

Peter blinks at him. “Not, uh—um, Rhodey. I need—we need…your assistance, just a small bit of your assistance—” He takes one step and nearly collapses, and Rhodey catches him before he can fall again. 

Rhodey is getting a little worked up. What the hell is going on? “We, okay, we, I heard we—”

Peter shakes his head. “I’m not even that messed up I’ve just been running for a long time and my legs are sort of jelly, I ran out of webs a little bit ago so I had to like, run, a lot and for a little bit—a while—”

Rhodey takes him by the shoulders, ushering him over to the couch, and he sits him down on the arm of it.

Peter blinks. “I shouldn’t be sitting.”

“You need to sit,” Rhodey says, standing in front of him and keeping him there. “Okay, speak.”

“Speak?”

“You forgot the meaning of the word?”

Peter nods, and shakes his head, swaying. “We need your help, we, meaning—”

“You and Tony—”

“Yup, me and Tony, we uh, well—”

Rhodey narrows his eyes. “Pete, I’m gonna need you to focus here, where is he? Where’s Tony?”

Peter looks at him. He grimaces. He smiles, he laughs, breathlessly, and he glances off towards the open doorway that he opened when he destroyed the goddamn door, and this face journey isn’t giving Rhodey any indication as to where Tony might be. 

“Peter—”

“Okay, uh. Okay, The story—the story is—”

~

There are way too many low level bad guys in the new world. Peter likes to call it the new world—the post-blip world, the world Tony and the rest of the Avengers saved, the world Tony brought Peter back into with a snap and a breath he thought he would be his last. Peter doesn’t like to cry in front of people, especially in front of super people, but he collapsed against Tony on that battlefield and cried and cried when he thought he was gonna die, and Rhodey had to pull him off and get him back together.

But Tony didn’t die. There were bedside vigils and close calls and so many whispered promises and it all added up to something, and he didn’t die.

And now they’re in the new world. 

And Tony mostly stays behind, on Avengers missions. The voice in Peter’s ear, when he’s with the team, and they cut off onto private channels plenty so Tony can talk just to him, and Peter bounces back and forth between getting distracted by Tony’s presence and being coached by him. But either way, Tony usually doesn’t come on missions in the flesh unless he’s really worried something is gonna happen. And Peter doesn’t wanna sound selfish, or like he thinks he’s fancy or anything like that, but usually that fear Tony has is something happening to Peter. 

Which, like. Fair.

It grates on him sometimes, but more often than not it’s nice, that he cares so much. His words echo in Peter’s ears, and he knows why.

I can’t lose you again, alright? So if I think you need me, I’m gonna be there.

And Peter takes that to heart. And he’ll protect him too.

But the new world has a lot of new jerk bad guys festering underneath all the rebuilding and relocation and integration, and there’s an entire syndicate of enhanced morons coming together to form their own anti-Avengers in Queens. In Peter’s own backyard! It makes him a little insane, how close it’s all happening to May and MJ and Ned, especially after everything they’ve been through. None of these guys are anything like Vulture, not anything like Thanos, or even the fishbowl guy that terrorized the Stark campuses across New York a couple months ago, but they’re still—a threat. They can still cause a lot of damage. They’re getting too organized, they’re helping each other, they’re giving each other resources. They rob banks, they hit FEAST centers, and they aren’t above hurting civilians to get what they want.

Peter knows firsthand what they can do. 

And once Peter found it, Tony insisted on going with him to sabotage their hidden home base.

And it went fine, at first. They’ve been monitoring their movements and they know when there’s nobody around, and when they went in it was just their security on duty, which are just a couple NYU frat guys who have no real idea what’s going on and what they’re getting paid for. 

They were able to override the cameras for the areas they’d be working in. Just like in Speed. Peter’s idea. Except they did it better than in the movie. No disappearing purse.

“You’re just walking along in the suit,” Peter said.

“We’re in a hallway. You want me to fly?”

“I mean, you’re clomping. You’re just. You’re clomping down the hallway.”

“You’re skipping!” Tony said, gesturing to him. “You’re skipping in a bad guy lair. Does that seem inappropriate? Sources say yes.”

Peter snorted, and Tony grinned at him.

(— “and we were on our way out, we were literally leaving” —)

They kept walking. Peter knew the layout of this place like the back of his hand at that point, and they were only a few turns away from the spot they came in at. 

“You got the cluster bombs going off right now, right?” Tony asked.

“Yup,” Peter said, and Karen gave him all his stats. “Few more in ten. And the scramble is already happening, so all the information should be wiped by—”

“Looks like midnight to me,” Tony said.

“Karen says we’re synced,” Peter said. “And the frat guys just got the burger delivery and they’re distracted by the driver so we’re—good on that front too—you didn’t need to come with me on this one, you know? It was pretty, uh—free and clear, with all the research we did, and we knew none of them would be here because they’re out there trying to—cause antics—”

“And Bruce is monitoring them to make sure no actual antics are caused,” Tony said, and he smiled at Peter again. “I didn’t want you going in it alone, just in case something went wrong or—one of them came back, or if you needed help. I know most of these guys are lame as hell, but some of them are, uh—and you know the one in particular—”

“I know, I know,” Peter said, because he did know. Personally. And he didn’t like to think about it.

“So I wanted to back you up,” Tony said, nodding at him. “Just in case. Make sure it’s all good.”

And Peter knows Tony wants to back him up, and protect him, especially after the shit that's happened, but sometimes it still shocks him to be in it, to be faced with it. He closed his eyes and laughed a little bit, continuing to walk. He was glad he had his mask on because he knew his face was red, and he wished he could stop being surprised by how much Tony cared about him because they literally spend most of their time together and it’s pretty normal and commonplace but here he is, tearing up over it again—

“Well, that’s uh, that’s—I mean, it was easier, to set the traps and stuff, with you here, but that’s uh, that’s—that’s really—”

And Peter glanced over at him and he was gone.

Gone!

(— “oh so he disappeared is that what you’re telling me he disappeared into thin air that’s what we’re dealing with” —)

“Tony?” Peter asked, spinning around on the spot. “Tony?”

How? He was alone, all of a sudden, when seconds before—and was this something more sinister than—Tony was in an entire Iron Man suit that isn’t exactly inconspicuous—was it aliens was it one of the guys was he invisible and following them—

(— “okay I don’t need to hear your entire thought process where was he did you find him why are you here without him come on Peter” —)

“Tony?” Peter asked again, and he heard a crash. A crash that sounded like it was below him somehow, and he stared at the ground. “Uh. Tony?”

“Peter!” Tony’s voice yelled. From. Somewhere. 

Peter just stood there. He spun in a circle like a cat, looking around, glancing—around, and below, and around, and—

“I fucking fell! Through the goddamn floor!”

He sounded so far away, and Peter started looking down. Why did he have to be looking away when this happened? He could have seen where he went but nooo—

“Which floor?” Peter asked, his eyes wide.

“Which—the floor!” Tony yelled, and Peter tried to follow his voice. “The floor we were walking on!”

“I don’t see any holes—”

“There wasn’t a hole there was—one of the panels must have—I don’t know I didn’t have time to analyze the situation as I was falling into the abyss—”

“Karen do you like—see any of the panels that sticks out like the things in cartoons in the background like the thing that looks different and is drawn different because you know it’s gonna move—”

“What are you saying?” Tony yelled, and he sounded closer. “What are you talking about?”

Karen highlighted the panel Peter was standing on top of. Peter kneeled down and started banging on it. “Hey! Hey! I’m on top of you!”

“Do not say that,” Tony said, and he sounded very far away even though he wasn’t really far away. Was he?

“Karen how deep is it?” Peter asked. “Is he in danger? Well, we’re in a bad guy place—is he in imminent danger—”

“Peter, step back!” Tony yelled. “I wanna try something. Step back, step—take a bunch of steps back—”

Peter sighed, and stepped back, trying to keep a mental note of which panel is the right one. And he stepped back and stared and waited. And he might have heard a couple little noises but they didn’t sound like anything. 

“What are you—wait, why can’t you connect through coms to talk to me?” Peter yelled. 

“Not working—repulsors not working either, some of my—some of my suit capabilities are being blocked—can’t fly out—”

He was yelling and yelling louder and Peter felt antsy, because this was easy and then it wasn’t. He rushed over and laid himself out and started trying to peel up the panel.

“Can’t fly out—still trying to fly out can’t fly out—Friday stop—stop updating me on the weather—”

“They must have—some kinda something some kinda—blocker or something on that level—you’re in—” Peter was pulling and gritting his teeth so hard that it felt like they might bust, but the panel wasn’t budging. 

“What are you doing?” Tony yelled. “Don’t hurt yourself. Pete! Don’t hurt yourself. Jesus I shouldn’t even be using your name—”

“I’m not hurting myself I’m just trying to—”

He pulled so hard that he lost his grip and flew backwards, hitting the wall. He was starting to panic, and he tried to relax, but that’s impossible sometimes—he almost feels better when he’s the one that’s in trouble, because when Tony is in trouble Peter never feels capable enough to fix it, even though he has to fix it or he would go nuts, and Tony being in danger is worse than Peter himself being in danger because he’s Tony and how can Tony be in danger—

(— “Jesus Christ, Peter” — )

Peter scooted back over and tried to start prying again. He wished he had some grenades or something.

“Spidey, scan the area, make sure they aren’t back yet—”

Peter could hear the coms trying to connect, Tony’s voice trying to come through, and what the hell was going on? Why was there a blocker underneath the floor? They got in and out easy as pie, nobody detecting them—

But maybe this was detection—

And that would mean they know—

Peter checked the stats. “Nobody’s here yet and those guys are still out front talking to the drivers,” he said, gritting his teeth again and trying not to lose his grip this time.

“Can’t believe I fell through the goddamn floor like we’re in a Looney Toons episode—okay, kid, we gotta figure this out—”

Peter knew they were gonna be back soon—

~

“Okay, so we have to go get him,” Rhodey says, clapping Peter on the shoulder.

“You didn’t let me finish—”

“What else happened?” Rhodey asks, fast. “Big grand goodbye? Did he tell you to come get me? Did anybody ambush you?”

“No, it was—I mean, yeah, we said goodbye, it was—it was scary and upsetting, it sucked, he couldn’t get it—I don’t even know how he got in or if it was on purpose I don’t even know it just happened out of nowhere I don’t even know if it was a trap—he said he loved me he said be careful—it’s still crazy to me when he says he loves me I mean obviously we love each other like family you know but still it’s sometimes like whoa—that’s Tony Stark—”

Rhodey scoffs at him, and he’s trying to plan in his head. “Yeah, right, we know he loves you—so nobody ambushed you, why are you so dirty and messed up?”

Peter glances away. “I mean, like I said that was just from—I ran out of webs, I came a long way back and like I got tired there’s a lot of emotions at play here and I was running and emotional and I almost got hit by a bus and—”

“Okay,” Rhodey says, still holding him by the shoulder. 

He knows about these guys, Tony has talked to him about these guys and how concerned he is about them and how they’ll affect Spider-Man. Rhodey thinks he remembers Tony saying one of them was…a Rhino guy? A bunch of goddamn misfits and they’re gonna kill somebody, whether on purpose or by accident. Tony tries to act nonchalant, but Rhodey knows how worried he gets. Peter tries to take on more than he can handle. A lot like…someone else.

Rhodey clicks his tongue. “I’ll transfer the information from Karen to me, you can stay here—”

“No,” Peter says, leaping to his feet. “No, I’m not staying. I’m not staying here.”

Rhodey huffs at him. “Kid, you’re messed up—”

“I’m not messed up. I’m not.” He’s shaking his head, and he always looks young to Rhodey, but with that look on his face, and his hair all wild, he looks like a child in a costume. “I’m just dirty, I’m just—I was just—”

“You destroyed the door. You knocked it down.”

“I mean sometimes I’m just running, sometimes I’m just moving fast and things get knocked over, sometimes that happens, sometimes people get knocked over, good thing you weren’t standing there—”

Rhodey closes his eyes, hangs his head. “Peter, what the hell is Tony gonna say when I roll up back into this bad guy lair with you with me after you already escaped—”

And Peter is taking Rhodey by the shoulders now, as if he thinks he’s got the upper hand. “We did not escape because we were never captured—we invaded them—and I know Tony’s still there I know I know but honestly I wouldn’t even classify this as him being captured but anyway you’re gonna help me yay okay let’s go we’re wasting time let’s go—”

He brushes past him before Rhodey can even look up, and Rhodey moves after him and grabs his shoulders and spins him around so Peter’s facing him again. He did it almost on autopilot, like Tony’s spirit possessed him briefly and imbued him with fatherly instincts. 

“New suit, Mr. I’m Just Running. Mr. I’m Moving Fast. Gonna go in there completely useless, Jesus, new web cartridges too, Christ—”

Peter nods, a little manically, and Rhodey wonders if they did get into some shit and he’s leaving it out. But he shakes his head and follows him in the direction of the workshops.

~

“Is this how you and Tony get around? You use him as a surfboard?”

“Only when I’m out of webs,” Peter says, perched on Rhodey’s back as they fly in stealth mode. 

“You are not out of webs. You just restocked. You’re up to your eyes in webs.”

“Since we’re in stealth, can people see me? Are you completely invisible? Does it look like I’m walking on air?”

This is something Tony’s talked about. When Peter says things that are random and silly but also, what the hell is the answer? Rhodey knows he’s not completely invisible in stealth, but to people who are looking—but does he want that to be the answer—

Peter sighs, and he shifts so he’s literally sitting on Rhodey’s back and his legs are hanging down.

“Kid, this is—this is strange, you’re—I mean, what if I have to change trajectory—”

“It’s fine I’ve got good balance,” Peter says. He kicks his feet a little, and Rhodey narrows his eyes. “I’m worried. I’m worried about Tony.”

“We’re gonna go get him,” Rhodey says, setting his jaw and glancing at the time to their destination. “It’s gonna be okay. This is nothing for him, the shit we’ve gotten into? This is nothing. Just a little break.”

“I just—it’s just—it’s just like, when it’s me that’s hurt or lost or stuck or whatever it’s like okay, sure, makes sense, I’m younger and I’m always learning—I am expert level at a lot of things, most things, but I’m still learning—”

Rhodey finds himself smiling a little bit. “Uh huh.”

“But when it’s Tony…I don’t know, he’s—he’s just—I know he’s not invincible but he feels invincible and I just, it just—”

“I know,” Rhodey says, hit with a wave of sentimentality. “I know. It’s hard to, uh, see him in trouble. He’s like a little brother to me, like a dad to you, either way—”

“You shouldn’t see your dad hurt,” Peter says, and his voice is rough, like he’s tearing up. 

“It’s fine,” Rhodey says, fast, because Peter’s gotta get his head in the game, because he might not be focusing properly if he’s getting emotional about it. And if he starts getting too emotional, Rhodey might, and that’s not good for anybody. “He’s probably just lounging around in there. He’s not hurt, it’s fine. We’re gonna get him.”

And Rhodey does get it. He gets all that. He loves Tony to the ends of the earth, he drives him insane but he never wants anything to happen to him. And maybe he underestimated just how much Tony means to Peter. He knew, he knows, but maybe it’s deeper than he realized. He knows what happened to Peter’s father, his uncle, and how close he was to his uncle. He knows he almost lost Tony, too. 

They’re on the same wavelength. At least with this, anyway.

“The guys are back to their little evil lair,” Peter sighs. “Little, midsized, I don’t know—”

Rhodey narrows his eyes, and Peter’s AI, Karen, is quiet for a second. 

And then, after a moment, the information comes through on Rhodey’s HUD.

“Looks like they haven’t found him yet,” Peter says. “Maybe they won’t, maybe that’s—I mean, they’re not super smart, maybe this is just an actual like, problem—that piece of tile opens up into—maybe it’s not an actual trap—”

“I doubt that,” Rhodey says, looking at the blueprints they have of the compound. “It definitely sounds like a trap—”

“And I still can’t connect to him—which I guess is probably good because it probably definitely means that they haven’t found him yet—”

Rhodey gets the indication that they can’t connect to Tony, a few long moments after Peter mentioned it, and he narrows his eyes. “Do you have some kind of backdoor code that allows you to get information before other people—”

Peter shifts into a perch again on Rhodey’s back. “Um, hm, you know, I don’t know—”

“Peter.”

“Yeah, yes. I do, I did that. So I can take care of things if I’m the cause of the problem—that sounds a lot more, uh, martyr—martyr-like—that’s not the purpose, I’m—”

“It’s incredibly dangerous,” Rhodey says, scoffing. “Peter, you’re—ten years old—”

“That’s a massive exaggeration—”

“Someone else, one of your other team members, in this instance me, could be more equipped—oh shit—”

The cloud comes out of nowhere, and he twists and avoids it, and clouds always fuck up the stealth and usually he gets indications when he’s about to fly through a bigger one and he was avoiding them fine and he wonders if Peter’s little time delay had anything to do with missing it and he hears Peter fall off and into the open air, yelling, and his heart nearly bursts out of his chest—

“Oh shit—”

And Rhodey is about to rocket down but Peter shoots a web and latches into Rhodey’s ankle. 

“Are you good?” Rhodey yells, a little too loud, into their com connection. He looks down, sees the kid twisting around and spinning like an actual spider. “That was stupid. That was so stupid, I’m sorry, I knew you were there, I didn’t think—”

“Killer cloud!” Peter yells, trying to climb his way back up the web. “It’s gonna kill us! Red alert, code red!”

Rhodey rolls his eyes, and takes off a little faster. “Stay down there. Your surfboard privileges have been revoked—”

“I didn’t do anything wrong, I was just existing—”

“And don’t tell Tony about that, what just—what just occurred—”

“Oh I’m gonna tell him and he’s gonna be mad—”

Rhodey sighs. It’s bad, because he knows it’s true. 

~

“Stop stomping.”

“I’m not stomping. You need to respect your elders.”

The place is overrun with assholes. They’re dealing with the aftermath of what Tony and Peter did to their place, which was essentially exploding a bunch of their weapons and scrambling their hard drives, and Rhodey guesses that was a good plan, maybe a lead-in to making it easier to catch them. He feels stupid right now, because a bunch of these dickheads who have been causing problems are here right now, with a bunch of their powerless employees (probably hangers-on, wanting to have powers, and they are probably giving themselves powers and that’s probably why half of their powers are shitty and why half of them are landing in the hospital asking to speak to Bruce Banner—Rhodey remembers Tony telling him that story—)

And Peter rushes out in front of Rhodey, and looks both ways, and then he’s running away from him—

“Okay, dummy, you came and got me for a reason, you can’t get him out without me, that was the entire purpose—”

But Peter isn’t saying anything, just rushing out ahead trying to get to the spot where Tony is first, and for what reason, Rhodey doesn’t know. 

Rhodey keeps looking at the map they’ve got, every time Karen pings another guy to keep track of and avoid, and he keeps wondering if Peter has a more updated version of events.

Friday is still unreachable. Rhodey knows these assholes aren’t Thanos, or even the Mandarin, or Whiplash or anybody else Tony has faced, but he’s still filled with dread and the kind of anxiety that Tony is normally known for, not him. Is it because he hasn’t heard Tony’s voice? Is it because Peter is bounding out ahead of him like a golden retriever puppy? Is it because he knows if anything happens to Peter in Rhodey’s care that Rhodey would hear about it from Tony for the rest of his life?

“It’s right here,” Peter hisses, like someone is close by and listening, even though Rhodey knows Tony and Peter’s traps destroyed most of the security cameras. “I think. Wait. I marked it with a little web.”

“Because that’s not obvious—”

“It’s little—” He’s crab-walking along the floor like a lunatic, but then the eyes on his mask get all big and he slams his hands on the ground. “Here it—Tony! Tony, it’s me! It’s me and I’m back and I brought Rhodey!”

Peter is already trying to peel at the side of the floor panel, like he didn’t try that before and knows it won’t work, and Rhodey rushes over, quick as he can, and he’s definitely stomping now.

He hears Tony’s voice.

“Rhodey? Don’t let him fall in too, kid, this is a trap for us iron people—”

“I’m not gonna fall in too, you moron,” Rhodey says. He hears Tony laugh, which lights a fire under him, and he starts burning around the edges of the panel. “Find a good spot in the middle somewhere, I’m gonna drop this panel on your head—”

“Oh, nice, just what I wanted—”

“I need one of these little burner guys in every single one of my suits from now on—”

“Pete, step back, come on—”

“Okay okay—”

And Rhodey burns around the entire outside of the panel, reaches the beginning of his line, and it falls in. 

And there have been plenty of moments in Rhodey’s life when a lot of things are happening at once. And a lot of those moments involve Tony, and his chaotic energy, going all the way back to MIT and shit exploding before it ever had a right to explode, but he guesses Tony touching anything gives it a right to explode—

But this one startles Rhodey, for some reason—maybe because getting Tony back was so built-up in his head because Peter’s anxiety is big and ballooning all around them—

But there’s a spray of bullets, and the lights flicker, and there’s—sparks of electricity? And a rolling wave, and some other shit, because somehow the two of them were so focused on finding Tony that they didn’t realize the conglomeration of dickheads were converging on their location, with their mishmash of powers and assholery—

And Peter cries out, slipping forward a bit and nearly falling into the newly opened panel—

And like a phoenix rising, Tony shoots out of the ground, grabbing onto Peter on his way out, and he flies down the hallway.

“Shit,” Rhodey breathes, a few bullets ricocheting off of his suit as he follows in Tony’s wake—

“Rhodes, can you make a big old hole in the wall there for me—”

“Coming right up,” Rhodey says, and he aims with both hands and fires two high caliber repulsor blasts at the same spot, and the wall blows out, lending them a new exit.

And they fly out, spiraling into the air like two comets finding their way back into the sky. 

“Peter,” Rhodey says, hearing the last vestiges of the assholes firing at them and yelling obscenities. “Shit, uh, we should probably send someone—”

“A bunch of someones are coming,” Tony says, and when Rhodey looks over, he’s clutching Peter close. “I don’t know why the hell we were even playing spy games, we should have just—”

“They’re not all there right now,” Peter gasps, and he groans, wrapping his arms tighter around Tony’s neck. “Rhino’s not even—they’re not all—that was the thing, we were gonna—we were gonna take them out in stages, and it would be harder after—after the first stage—”

“Well, now the first stage is a bunch of explosions and a rescue—Friday, tell me what’s going on with him—”

“I can tell you what’s going on with me, I got shot—”

“He’s not wearing one of the bulletproof suits?” Tony asks, and he’s got the nerve to glance over at Rhodey when he asks it.

“I didn’t dress him,” Rhodey says, speeding up a little bit. “He was ready to run out guns blazing in his other suit, which he somehow shredded just coming home all freaking out—”

“I didn’t mention that—when I was coming to get you—some of our traps went off early and maybe on my way out I ran through some of them—”

Rhodey scoffs, rolling his eyes so hard that it hurts. “Yeah, okay, there you go, there we have it, the truth comes out—”

“Rhodey, he’s been shot—”

“Okay, so, he still did something stupid, and lied, and he knows which of his suits are bulletproof and which ones aren’t—”

“We were moving quickly,” Peter says, and he coughs a little bit. “I was worried, I know you were worried, not as much as me though—”

“You don’t need to worry about me,” Tony says, and Rhodey sees him kicking Friday into the highest gear. “I was relaxing—”

“What did I tell you?” Rhodey asks. “What’d I say?”

Peter coughs again, laying his head on Tony’s shoulder. “Losing a lot of blood. Definitely dying.”

“You are not,” Tony says. “Friday?”

Rhodey can’t hear her response, and he sighs. 

Peter better not be goddamn dying. Not after something stupid like this. He’s done stupid shit in his life but this particular thing was really stupid, and if Peter died at the end of it, Tony would never forgive himself. Tony doesn’t forgive himself when Peter gets a goddamn hangnail, so this would be—worse than that. By far.

And Rhodey wouldn’t be happy about it either. 

“Pete, hang on,” Tony says, and Rhodey sees him cradling the back of Peter’s head. “We’re not too far—”

“Did you know,” Peter says, “that Rhodey made me fly the entire way hanging by a web that was attached to his ankle—”

Rhodey scoffs again. “Wow—”

“Rhodey, come on—”

“Wow—”

~

“He’s fine,” Rhodey says, standing shoulder to shoulder with Tony outside of Peter’s med bay room. “He’s fine. Right as rain.”

Tony glances at him, his eyes narrowed. “He got shot in the back.”

“In the shoulder—”

“He uses his shoulders a lot.”

“Who doesn’t?” Rhodey asks, raising his eyebrows. “Maybe if someone didn’t fall into a hole like the fucking Wily Coyote—”

“It’s Wile E. Coyote, the ‘e’ is his middle initial—listen, this was a lot more Bugs Bunny,” Tony says. He sighs big, and looks back over towards the closed door, where Helen is talking to Peter. 

Rhodey sighs too.

“You should have just let SHIELD take care of that place,” he says. “You didn’t need to go in there with this multilayer three-pronged attack on this week’s episode of the Iron Man and Spider-Man show. I mean yeah, there are a bunch of them, and it’s concerning, and I know how you feel like you need to take care of shit on your own sometimes, but this is the new world. I know Peter calls it that, and I’ve started calling it that too, because in the new world Tony Stark is more cautious. I get a lot less ulcers now, knowing that most of the time you’re on a couch or behind a desk. Or at worst, behind a computer screen. When I see Peter rolling up knocking doors down because you fell through the floor in some cartoon situation on a side mission, it feels a lot like the old days. And you’ve been through too much shit to be reverting back to the old days. This nearly-dying situation was different than the other nearly-dying situations.”

Rhodey tries not to speechify, but that one got away from him. He sighs again and leans against the wall, and Tony looks at him.

“He knocked a door down?”

“He did. Living room on the fourth floor. I haven’t done anything about it yet. Happy’s probably seen it by now.”

Tony nods. He cracks his jaw and looks down at the ground. “Uh, couple months ago, remember when I went to the lakehouse with the kid and May?”

Rhodey does. They were gone for almost a month, Pepper was ferrying back and forth up there, saying things were fine. Rhodey was busy, and he asked a couple times, but all he got was fine, yeah. It’s all fine. “Yeah,” he says, tentatively.

There’s new tension in Tony’s shoulders. “Well, uh—that Rhino guy, that’s one of the members of that asshole club we just blew through—he nearly broke Peter’s back.”

Rhodey feels chills go through him. “What?”

“Pete didn’t want to tell anybody, and he didn’t break it, it was just a nearly, but he was really hurt, and emotionally, uh—it wasn’t—it wasn’t great, it was—it was hard for me, to see him like that. And then as soon as we get back, he starts going after them harder, and we had a couple blow-ups, because it was insane to me, that he was doing that after what just happened to him, and yes, I know, me, me, me, mini-me, but still, I just—yeah, it felt personal, with me and this place and this guy—and he wasn’t even fucking there tonight for the strike team to get—but maybe I wasn’t thinking, maybe I was thinking a little bit too much, but I’ll always remember how hurt Peter was and the pain he was in and I knew he was just gonna keep running at them anyway and I wasn’t gonna let him do it on his own. Not him. Not—my kid.”

Rhodey nods at him, and almost doesn’t know what to say. He feels a little sick about it, but he tries to stay present.

“And don’t get on me about not telling you, I was gonna, eventually, but things just, you know, things happen, they keep happening—”

“Yeah, I sure know that,” Rhodey says. He watches him, the way his eyes search the ground, avoiding his gaze until he looks up again. “He’s okay now, though. It was essentially a graze.”

“It was not a graze,” Tony snaps.

“You woulda called that a graze in the past—”

“Yeah, okay, well, yeah, for myself, maybe—”

“But when it’s a spider baby, things are different, huh? Definitions are changed?”

“Definitions are changed,” Tony says, definitively. 

Rhodey snorts. “The two of you are truly two peas in a pod. He was all worried about you on the way in, all antsy about it—”

“Oh, you weren’t antsy about me being stuck in an enemy lair? How the tables have turned—”

“I knew what was going on,” Rhodey says, knocking him on the shoulder. “It was truly some Looney Toons shit. Probably some old trap they didn’t even realize was there—”

“You didn’t know that, none of us knew that—”

“But it was true, right? I had a feeling, when Peter described it to me—and his narrative detail is great, by the way, we should do Spider-Man Story Time for kids at some of the local bookstores—they’d eat it up—”

“I’ve thought that,” Tony says, smiling fondly. “That’s so funny, I’ve thought that, and now you’re saying it, so it’s a sign we need to set it up—”

“Yes—but the way he described it I knew you were fine. Not great, but not injured, not in imminent danger. I know some of these guys are genuinely dangerous, like the Rhino asshole you’re talking about, but it feels like the vast majority of them are morons.”

Tony blows out a breath, nodding. “I know Pete gets worried. I know. I get worried. We’re both worried, and it’s just—”

“It’s sweet and I like seeing it,” Rhodey says. He shakes his head. “I mean. I don’t like seeing you worried. But the two of you—I like that you have—I like that you’re in a dad position. It’s nice—”

Tony cracks his jaw. “Pep and I just never—”

“I know,” Rhodey says, stopping him before he can get into that, “but you’ve got it with Peter. And he needed it and you needed it and it’s nice. You put up a front and a lot of people take that at face value, take you as that, all your quipping and dumb one-liners—”

“They aren’t dumb, they are carefully crafted—”

“Yeah, I know, I’m well aware, but a lot of people just see that, and think that’s who you are, when really you’re marshmallow fluff. Completely and totally, and especially for certain people—considering I’m one of those people—but I know Peter loves being one of them too. And it’s sweet. As annoying as the two of you can be.”

Tony scoffs, pushing off the wall. “He’s annoying.”

“You’re both annoying. And maximum annoying when you’re together.”

Tony glares over his shoulder, and he knocks ever so slightly on the door before he’s pushing it open.

“Jesus, what if he’s changing—”

“He shouldn’t be changing, he should be in pajamas, in the bed, right, Peter—”

And when they walk inside, Peter is halfway out the window. He’s wearing Tony’s hoodie, and a pair of jeans, and Helen isn’t even in there at all. Tony makes a small noise, like he’s been shot, and he glances at Rhodey as if he’s making sure he’s not insane, and then he looks back at Peter without getting confirmation because he already goddamn knows.

“What are you doing—”

“What are you doing—”

“Why are you up—”

“Are you out of your damn mind—”

“After everything we just went through—you just got shot—”

“Peter, honestly—”

“And where is Helen?” Tony yells, his hands on his hips, and Peter is just frozen there, one knee in the window frame. “Where did she—what did you do to—”

“I didn’t do anything to!” Peter yells, getting down. “She left through the interior door,” he yells, gesturing to it. “And then I got up, and put some clothes on, and I—”

“And you were gonna leave, and escape, and go live on Governors Island—”

“No, no, I was just going to go around, and go up a floor, and come back down so you didn’t see me, because Tony—”

“Eventually, I was going to see you, Peter, this plan was flawed—”

“A lot of that going around lately,” Rhodey says, before he means to, and Tony shoots him a look. Rhodey clears his throat.

“May can’t keep coming here and seeing me in the med bay,” Peter says, crossing his arms over his chest. “Like, we had a whole talk, about the new world, and being more careful in the new world, and now here I am, again, and this one is so stupid, and MJ is coming with her this time and she said if I keep getting hurt that she’s gonna start a rumor that she’s Spider-Man and that’s gonna put a lot of scrutiny on her that I don’t want her to have and I know she’ll do it.” He swallows hard. “So.”

“We already told May something happened,” Rhodey says, throwing his arms up.

“But not—not—I mean, something could be anything, doesn’t have to be like—I mean, something could be the roof caving in, and me being a hero—”

Tony scoffs. “We can’t—quickly cave in the roof just to back up a bullshit story—”

But Rhodey knows he would, if it came to that, and he knows that for sure.

Peter rushes over, and grabs Tony by the arms. He doesn’t even look that bad, only a little pale, but Rhodey knows even the slightest bit of paleness is enough to win Tony over. Especially with their whole heart to heart in the hallway, and Peter getting hurt at all—the odds just aren’t in his favor.

“Please,” Peter says, the final nail in the coffin. “Let’s just—come up with something—no med bay, let’s meet her in like—the lounge—nowhere near the door, the broken door, which I’ll fix, let’s just—come up with something—”

“There was a chemical leak,” Tony says, almost deadpan. “That you discovered, and you saved a whole pool of interns. We can meet May and MJ in the living quarters upstairs and we’ll—order pizza. No med bay.”

Peter takes a tiny moment to process that he actually just won this battle, despite trying to escape through the window, and his face breaks out into the most beautiful, shiny smile. Enough that Tony smiles too, and Rhodey finds himself smiling, even though he’s almost nauseated by the ridiculousness of them. 

Peter hugs Tony tight, and Tony hugs him back, careful of his right shoulder. He pats his back, closing his eyes, and Peter pulls back, still grinning at him. “Thank you thank you thank you. I’m gonna go up there now and set the scene. And I’ll order the pizza. Thank you thank you.”

He looks at Rhodey before he leaves, and winks at him, over the top and exaggerated and not at all subtle. He nearly skips out of the room, and Tony stands there, his shoulders wilting. 

“Don’t say it—”

“And pushover of the year goes to—”

“How’d I know you were gonna say it—”

“He was trying to climb out the window,” Rhodey says, as the two of them head into the hallway. “Did being stuck under the floorboards for a couple hours scramble your brain?”

“They weren’t floorboards, this wasn’t a haunted house, this was highly sophisticated—”

“I hope you’re not arguing semantics with me,” Rhodey says. “Not you, of all people—”

“Peter!” Tony calls, because Peter is still racing down the hall within eyesight. “Be careful—and make sure to get eggplant on Rhodey’s pizza. He loves it! He loves it so much!”

Rhodey pushes him with his elbow, and Tony pushes him back, grabbing him around the middle and pulling him into half a bear-hug. Rhodey snorts, wrapping his arm around him. 

“Thanks for taking care of him, you know, up until the whole getting shot thing—”

“That was on you, you were back in charge then,” Rhodey says, gripping his shoulder. “And when the next missions start, with the den of assholery, let me help the two of you, huh?”

“Oh, War Machine wants to join?” Tony says, letting go of him.

“Yeah,” Rhodey says. “I do. I wanna have your backs.”

Tony grins at him again. “Noted,” he says.

And hopefully he is actually noting it. Because Rhodey does want to be there, to cover the two of them while they cover each other. He’s known Tony for a long time, most of his life, and he loves him beyond. 

And he does love the way he loves this kid.

He can’t let anything happen to either one of them.

“Extra eggplant!” Peter yells, before turning the corner. “Got it!”

Rhodey rolls his eyes, and Tony giggles. An inside joke, over thirty years old, and he still goddamn giggles about it.

“They’re all going onto your plate,” Rhodey says, pushing him again.

“Just like last time.”

[th3-c0rps3-r0gu3]

shadows.

Chapter two:

Pairings: Wanda X Natasha, Natasha X umbrakinetic child reader, Wanda X umbrakinetic child reader, Avengers X umbrakinetic child reader.

Warnings:

Summary: Wanda and Natasha were no strangers to the dark. But what happens when the dark isn't what they thought it was?

A/n: this took ages 😭.

3rd person.

Natasha walked into the compound trying to figure out a way to convince the other Avengers to let y/n stay. Upon stepping out if the elevator on her and Wanda's floor Natasha was greeted with the smell of bacon and eggs. Natasha walked into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around her cooking girlfriend.

"Tasha hey!"

Wanda exclaimed excitedly.

"hey detka"

Natasha responded, kissing Wanda's neck.

Wanda finished cooking and placed a plate of bacon and eggs Infront of Natasha before setting up her own.

"how was your run Moya lyobove (lmk if I spelt that wrong btw)?"

Wanda asked absent mindedly as she ate. Natasha suddenly remembered the books she brought and pulled them out and passed them to Wanda.

"I took you up on your 'be more spontaneous' offer. I went to a bookshop and got you these"

Natasha studied her girlfriends face as she inspected the books.

"they look fun... but there's something in your mind."

Wanda said shooting Natasha a pointed look. Natasha looked away.

"there was a teen. A homeless teen."

Natasha refused to meet Wanda's eyes.

"and upon impulse you gave them a place to stay. Didn't you."

Wanda sighed.

"there's a spare room in our floor that nobody uses and I'm sure she won't be trouble. Kid looks like she's been through a lot and..."

Natasha trailed off. She actually had no idea what had pushed her to make such a decision. Wanda looked at Natasha sympathetically.

"and you couldn't stand the thought of her staying there."

Wanda said softly. Natasha sighed and nodded gently.

"well I have nothing against it. Infact I support the idea. But your going to need alot of luck to convince the others of your idea."

Natasha groaned.

"Argh I know."

Wanda smiled at natasha.

"I'm sure you'll manage."

Wanda said connecting their hands from across the island in the kitchen. Natasha shit Wanda a grateful look.

"well then Romanoff you gonna tell us why we've been gathered here?"

Tony said as he and the other Avengers gathered in a room after Natasha called them for a 'emergency meeting'. Natasha stood before the group with Wanda beside her holding her hand.

"yes well there has been some certain offers made."

Natasha said. In all honesty Natasha had no idea how to tell the others she basically offered to take in a teen.

"what offers?"

Kate asked from besides yelena. Then Wanda spoke up.

"Nat has offered a teenager a home in the compound."

You could've heard a pin drop with the silence that followed.

"WHAT!?"

Tony exploded however Natasha glared at him.

"she is a homeless teen and she has a certain... draw to her. I couldn't let her stay in the streets. We have a perfectly good bedroom on mine and Wanda's floor that nobody uses and from what I know she's sure not to make trouble."

Natasha quickly defended.

"Romanoff your letting a stranger into the compound! A STRANGER!"

Tony exclaimed.

"I realise stark."

Natasha sighed. Tony glared at Natasha before shooting another snarky comment.

"we are not a bed and breakfast romanoff."

Natasha simply scoffed at him.

"I wouldn't mind another teen around actually..."

Peter spoke up. Tony sent Peter a glare.

"your supposed to be in my side here."

He said.

"actually I wouldn't mind either."

Kate speaks up again. Yelena simply nods along agreeing with kate.

"if the kid won't be trouble I don't see why she can't stay."

Steve says calmly. Tony watches in disbelief as the other Avengers agree to natasha.

"looks like your outnumbered stark. I'll pick her up tomorrow."

Natasha said slightly smug. Tony groaned and left the room. The others rolled their eyes. Tony would be over his temper tantrum soon enough.

*with y/n but still 3rd person*

Y/n wandered down the streets confused. She had just been offered a home by the black widow. A freaking superhero. And yet. She was hesitating. Anyone else in her position would if said yes in an instant. But y/n didn't. Walking back into the bookshop Sandra looked up from behind the desk.

"back from your walk then?"

She asked.

"Yeah..."

Y/n said softly.

"brilliant. You can help me shelve some books and tell me if your accepting that home."

Sandra said cheerfully as she pulled out a box of books ready for the shelves. Y/n blinked in surprise.

"how did you-"

Sandra cut her off.

"don't be silly y/n I know everything."

Y/n sighed. Sandra was a... unique person to say the least. Y/n grabbed the box and began to shelve the books though as instructed.

"I don't know if I should take the offer honestly."

"y/n you've been offered a home. A place to stay. Constant food and shelter. At least try it. And besides you could always run away back here. I'd protect you if you need you realise that?"

Sandra said sending y/n a reassuring smile. Y/n returned the smile before going back to her thoughts.

"ok. I'll try. But if I show up and hide from them one day say you haven't seen me at all ok."

Y/n said.

"oh don't you worry kiddo I'll be giving them and earful before they even take you. They screw up they die."

Sandra said taking the book y/n had and shelving it.

"you. Kill international superheroes? Verry funny."

Y/n said half sarcastic half amused. Sandra simply grinned again at y/n.

Y/n had come early today. And Sandra made sure to tease her about it.

"aww looks like someone's excited!"

Sandra said with a grin. Y/n sent her a nervous glare she didn't really mean.

"I'm nervous. What if they changed their mind. It it was a joke. Or-"

"you worry too much. Don't fret. Besides I'll still be here."

Sandra had cut off y/n again but she didn't mind. Sandra was always easily good at cutting people off to give good advice.

*Natasha 3rd person*

Natasha was nervous. It was only 8 am so she had 2 more hours till she needed to pick up y/n. Wanda was in the kitchen making breakfast and Kaye and Yelena were on the couch playing video games.

"don't worry Natasha I'm sure she'll be there."

Wanda said giving Natasha a soft smile and an omelette.

"I hope so..."

"do you need me to accompany you detka?"

Wanda asked. Natasha glanced up at her girlfriend.

"are you sure?"

Wanda nodded and Natasha smiled.

"thanks Moya lyobov"

"no problem mylashk"

Suddenly Yelena interupted them.

"can you both stop being so cute and loud. Me and Kate bishop are playing here!"

Natasha and Wanda laughed at Yelena but stood up and went to prepare the spare room for inhabitants.

A/n: and there's chapter 2! Lmk what you think. I'm quite enjoying this series so far and have big plans for it. Also sorry if the Russian nicknames are spelt wrong.

[ao3feed-irondadspiderson]

in media res

https://archiveofourown.org/works/57367708 by webss312 “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Steve said, mildly. “Pete and I got hot dogs. That’s it.” “Pete?” Tony emphasized, jaw dropping at the sheer audacity. “Since when do you use nicknames for people?” “I call Bucky by nicknames.” Steve pointed out. “I called the kid ‘Pete’ first,” Tony said, narrowing his eyes. “Stop trying to steal my shtick. Get your own.” “You don’t own the nickname, Tony.” Steve looked amused as he said it. “I can own whatever I want, I’m a billionaire,” Tony replied, already running through the legal process in his mind of how he could possibly patent a nickname. He’d have to ask Pepper. These were dire circumstances. He refused to have his own personal intern usurped by someone wearing the carbon polymer equivalent of Uncle Sam’s tighty-whities. —- OR: The media gets one image of Steve and Peter getting hot dogs together and runs with it, assuming that Peter is Steve’s secret son. Tony takes great insult to this fact. Tony Stark does not like being one-upped by people stealing his personal intern. Least of all by Captain America. He has a reputation to uphold, after all. Words: 4548, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, James "Rhodey" Rhodes, Friday (Marvel), Michelle Jones (Marvel) Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Additional Tags: Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Teen Peter Parker, Sassy Peter Parker, Steve Rogers Being a Little Shit, Oblivious Tony Stark, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Jealous Tony Stark, not really he's mostly just salty, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark Friendship, Social Media, the internet ships stony, and peter is doing absolutely nothing except fueling it on purpose, Misunderstandings, Michelle Jones is a Little Shit (Marvel), James "Rhodey" Rhodes is So Done, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, FRIDAY is a little shit, Snarky Friday (Marvel), BAMF Peter Parker, Snarky Tony Stark, Steve Rogers Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers Friendship, Not Canon Compliant, Humor, Fluff and Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Crack, Happy Ending, Avengers Family, Domestic Avengers read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/57367708

[heliads]

Hello! Sorry if this request is too vague, please let me know, but I wanted to request a Tony Stark x reader Soulmate AU

Thank u have a good day/night :)

it was a little vague lol which is why i had the people vote in a poll. your soulmate au is that every time soulmates are close but don't meet, they repeat the same day until they do meet. enjoy!

masterlist

Tony Stark is beginning to think that he’s lived through this day before.

He’s no stranger to deja vu, or not as much as anyone else, at least. Usually, his days and nights are so bizarre that he has no problem differentiating any given set of twenty-four hours. Aliens only tend to invade the planet once every few weeks, inhumans only go bad once a month, and so he has time in between ends of days to tell which Monday is which.

Still, there’s today, and Tony swears that today has already happened. He woke up this morning, bleary-eyed and not in his own bed. He’d stayed up past his necessary bedtime in the lab again, a practice which is frowned upon by most but produces the results he needs. Maybe that’s why his head isn’t clear. Either that, or someone’s trying to kill him again.

Tony opens his eyes in a mess of gears and wires and thinks, didn’t he just clean that up? Rhodey’s been after him recently to get his shit together, which obviously hasn’t happened yet, given the fact that Hurricane Machine Parts has had yet another landfall on his chosen sleeping desk. Tony blinks unhappily at the bits and bobs scattered helter-skelter in front of him and chooses to solve his problems the usual way, by sweeping everything into a nearby bin and pretending everything is fine.

An alarm goes off on his phone and Tony glares at it before the panic surges. That’s not meant to wake him up, that’s meant to get him out the door in time to make it to a conference. Tony is giving a speech on, well, something he was supposed to remember. Something important. In the end, does it really matter? He’ll say something snarky and possibly brilliant, then pepper in the fact that he’s Iron Man and saves everyone’s asses on a weekly basis so no one can complain. It’s a wonderful scare tactic.

Tony is aware of the fact that he should know what he’s doing, but why should he care when no one else does? Regardless of what he says, he’ll get the same reaction. Everyone in the audience is just there in the hopes that being in the proximity of a billionaire will improve their own trajectory in life. 

Tony used to pour his heart and soul into press conferences and scientific discussions until he looked out into the audience one day and realized that no one was paying attention in the slightest. They were pretending marvelously, of course, even had him fooled up until that point, but their focus was just superficial. They nodded along self-importantly with every one of his bullet points, but their heart wasn’t in it, so why should his? 

Besides, he gives one of these talks what feels like every day, so it’s not like he’ll have anything new to say anyway. Tony did one of these exact things yesterday, even slept late too. He can’t remember where this conference is being held, nor where yesterday’s was, or even the location of tomorrow’s talk. He’ll ask Happy in the car. Surely his head of security should be aware of where Tony is going.

One rushed morning routine later, Tony is in the car, knuckles clenched bone-white around the steering wheel. Happy has to give him course corrections only three times, increasingly let down with each one. Tony reads between the lines in each and every pursed lip, wincing with the disappointed side eyes. Yes, he’s a trainwreck, yes he’s worse than ever, but does he really have to be reminded of that right now?

Tony makes it to the function in time, smooths his tie and waves soullessly to the press. A woman greets him at the door. Her lipsticked smile says, We’re glad to have you! Her pained stare says, Why are you only here thirty seconds before the show begins?

Tony has no excuses, so he doesn’t give them, only recites the usual dialogue about how delighted he is to be at this conference. You know, the conference. The one for this day, the day that’s different from all the others. 

Tony settles into his seat on stage once the moderator introduces him. The funniest thing happens as he waits for the crowd to finish cheering. Although this could be just brushed off as Tony obviously not being as focused as he could be, he swears that this moment seems familiar. The moderator is wearing a rather lurid lime green coat, and wasn’t it just yesterday that Tony was thinking to himself that the man resembled the Grinch if he tried to go corporate?

Tony tears his gaze from the moderator to the crowd. No, this time he’s sure of it. The woman in the front row, left aisle, with the navy jacket asked him a tough question on the possibility of nuclear energy in the future just yesterday. The balding man on the far right nearly knocked himself out trying to get Tony to take a photo with him as he left the event. This is all the exact same as it was before. He has been here before, and if his suspicions are correct, he will repeat this exact same day again and again until he can get something right. Something crazy. Something like a soulmate.

God, Tony didn’t really think he’d get to this point. Soulmates are hypothetically for everybody, but it wouldn’t surprise Tony if they would skip a guy like him. It’s said you can go your entire life without meeting your soulmate, that you end up falling in love with whoever will make do and doing your best to forget that you were slighted by fate’s best gift to humanity. Something about Tony always seemed to fit that bill to a T. Maybe he’d manufacture destiny by finding someone he could love instead. He has always liked to Macgyver his way out of difficult problems, so conjuring up a soulmate out of conjecture would not be his worst hat trick.

Yet here Tony is, stuck in the soulmate loop. There’s only one way to know for sure to know that you’ve met your soulmate. More specifically, there’s only one way to know that you’re meant to meet your soulmate on a particular day:  you can’t get out of the same set of twenty-four hours.

The lore goes like this:  if you end up in close proximity to your soulmate without actually meeting them, you’ll have to repeat the same day over and over until the two of you make contact. Tony’s parents apparently took five days to get to know each other, but that’s on the low end. He’s heard of bad cases that took months of the same damn day for two people to finally figure each other out. And in a city like this, a place like New York? There are quite literally millions of people who could possibly cross Tony’s path. God, he might even be here for years.

It’s a flawed system, that’s for sure, but Tony has no way to fix this. None at all. The only thing he can do is start going about the process of fixing things. So his soulmate’s somewhere in this day, and it’s someone he’s never met. Maybe they were in the parking garage at the same time as him. Maybe they’re somewhere in this conference center. Maybe they were walking outside Stark Tower when he goes home for late night work.

There are so many places and so many possibilities that it’s starting to freak Tony out, so much so that he almost misses it when the moderator starts asking him questions. Were it not for the fact that Tony’s already lived through this once, he might have stumbled a little. Thankfully, he remembers enough of what he said last time that the words flow like water, giving Tony some space to think about his soulmate instead of which brand of coffee he attributes to giving him the most energy to seize his day. That’s a stupid question anyway.

This also helps him the next day, and the next day, and the next. One week of todays later, Tony is ready to scream. He knew the process of finding one’s soulmate would be difficult, but he didn’t count on it being this difficult. Tony is already going out of his way to meet new people, but even then, how would he know which stranger of dozens is actually his soulmate? 

At this point, Tony would settle for just getting out of the loop altogether, soulmate be damned. Maybe that’s not the right attitude to have, but it’s his nonetheless. Every day, he works late into the night, and every morning, all of his progress is gone. Tony can’t even note his discoveries on his phone because his memos clear out overnight, all those breakthroughs vanished into pixels of days past. Happy tells him that he looks tense. Tony fights the urge to hurl himself through a glass window. Such is the way of life.

He tries to look for the bright side of things, if he can’t think about anything else. It’s nice that he gets so many days guaranteed without threats made on his life. If he sticks to schedule, Tony always makes it to the crosswalk in front of the conference center right when the walking man appears. There’s this pretty girl in the back of the auditorium who always gives him this encouraging smile when he takes the stage, like even though Tony starts each show feeling like a trainwreck, she knows he’s going to be alright no matter what.

There are resources available to him. Tony’s had plenty of time to look. There are scores of websites online dedicated to people stuck in a loop and trying to find their soulmate. So long as you don’t mind making the same post every single morning, you can tell people where you’re located and see if you can track down someone in your vicinity. Tony’s been visiting them as of late, hovering over discussion boards like they’ll give him any sort of clue.

Four weeks of the same day. Four weeks of getting nowhere. Tony runs into traffic so he can stare into car windows. He lurks in coffee shops. Pepper thinks he’s going insane, but she changes her mind every twenty-four hours when the day resets, so he doesn’t have it in himself to care much. He just needs to get out of this day. He just needs his life back.

Some part of him wonders, too, who this person must be. Would they be kind or clever? Are they trying half as hard to find him as he is? Have they given up on him already? Tony would like to think that they’re fighting a battle for him, but who truly knows in the end. All he remembers is the same day over and over again.

Then, just when desolation is starting to kick in, Tony sees something. It’s a message on one of a thousand soulmate finding sites. Anyone stuck in today for a really long time? Thirty-three repetitions and counting. I’m in NYC if anyone else is out there. I keep going to Tony Stark’s conference at 10am, but not even his motivational speeches can keep me hopeful for much longer.

Tony almost chokes, then laughs, then lets himself wonder. Thirty-three days sounds about right, and if they’re in the audience of one of his shows, then maybe–

He hits reply before he can stop himself. Also in NYC, also 33 days. 

Tony doesn’t dare say anything else. On the car ride over to his conference, Happy asks him why he looks so confused. “It’s like you’re excited about something but you’re trying to pretend you’re not. What, have you annoyed another competitor into folding?” His head of security comments.

“No,” Tony mutters, “and besides, that was only one time. It’s not going to happen again.”

“You tell yourself that,” Happy chuckles, and then they’re at the conference center and they don’t have much to talk about anything, business ventures or soulmates or otherwise.

Tony checks his phone before he goes onstage. The person has responded to him. Wait, really? Where are you?

Tony glances around him. One of the event hosts, that passive aggressive woman, is coming to escort him to the stage, so he doesn’t have much time. Conference center. The one where Stark is speaking.

Then he’s on stage again, repeating the same stupid answers for the same bad questions. Now that he’s been here a couple dozen times, Tony can confirm that they really, really need to get better topics for him to discuss. He would be dozing off were it not for the fact that his soulmate might actually be somewhere in this building. Maybe somewhere in the same hall.

The interview ends, and Tony dares breach public etiquette by pulling out his phone. The stranger has replied again. I’m there too! What’s your seat number? Maybe we can finally break out of this.

Actually, Tony says, I’m the one on stage.

Tony looks around for someone, sees no one, tries to hide his despair. He stands on that stage for a little too long, past the point where the moderator is standing there blankly, grin frozen and eyes wide with the same expression everyone gets when someone does something they shouldn’t in a public setting.

One of Tony’s aides appears out of nowhere, gently tugging on his arm to get him to move off stage. Just as he goes, though, he hears a shout from somewhere in the back of the auditorium.

“Wait! It’s me!”

Tony cannot describe it, this certainty looming in his chest, but he knows it’s his soulmate. They’re here. He whips his head around even as his aide yanks him away. Tony sees a blur of faces, someone pushing through the crowd in the aisle, but the face–

Nothing. No one he can recognize. No one he could find later. They’re a woman, that’s all he’s learned. Tony frantically checks his phone, sees a message saying that she’s figured him out. Tony tries to fight to stay around longer, but now Happy’s determined he’s delusional and Tony is all but packaged into his car and driven away. He’s put on house arrest once he gets back, Pepper and Happy taking turns asking what the hell has gotten into him. Tony tries to explain, but they don’t want to listen. No matter how many times you’ve repeated the same day, you wouldn’t be acting like this. Please be rational.

Tony doesn’t want to be rational, though, he wants to find his damn soulmate. He tries to message his soulmate that he can’t get out of the house, but she’s not answering her phone. Just before the day ends, Tony memorizes her username and prays she’ll have the same one the next iteration of the loop.

He messages her the second he wakes. Is it still you?

Yeah, she says, my phone died, sorry. What happened?

My friends staged an intervention. Apparently I’m acting irrationally.

He can practically sense her laughing on the other end. Repeating the same day 34 times will do that to you.

That’s what I tried to say, he replies, but did they believe me? No.

There’s about a minute pause, and then they message again. Do you think we can do it today? Try to meet again?

I think we can try, Tony says, and that does it.

They make plans. Tony gets ready early. He lingers backstage, waiting, checking his phone every ten seconds. Happy must pick up on this tension, because when he approaches Tony about eight minutes after they arrive, he lingers on the edges of Tony’s peripheral vision, not wanting to interrupt whatever is clearly wrong with him.

“What is it?” Tony asks, distracted.

“There’s someone here for you,” Happy says slowly, “They say they’re your, uh, soulmate. Should I just tell them to leave?”

Tony feels his eyes grow wide. This is not the first time someone has tried to meet him by playing the soulmate card. He gets it:  he’s rich, he’s distracted, of course someone would try it. This, however, might be the first time it was real.

“Yeah,” Tony says, “it’s them. Where is she?”

Happy blinks, surprised. “Wait, you’re serious? It’s actually–” At Tony’s exasperated hand waving, Happy hurries himself along. “Sorry, sorry. She’s waiting by the door.”

Happy might be saying something else, but Tony doesn’t hear it. He’s already spinning around, walking as fast as his dress shoes will let him. There’s a woman standing by the east exit. She looks nervous, and half a second after he sees her Tony realizes that she’s the pretty woman from his show. He saw her every single day, and he never even knew it was her.

Tony wondered what it would be like to meet your soulmate after so many days of waiting, if there was any way of knowing for sure that it was them. So many weeks later, Tony has an answer:  you feel it in your chest, right between your ribs, an electric shock that makes his entire body stand alert.

She must feel it too, because all of a sudden she looks up from where she’s been scanning the crowd and her eyes land on him. She smiles, and it’s because of him. No other reason. Just him.

Words are hard to come by. Should he say something impactful, the perfect sentiment for such an important moment? Surely this is a time for something to remember. Tony’s been repeating this day for a while, though, never truly believing it would come to an end, so when his mental wheels stop spinning, all he can do is something simple, something real.

“Hi,” he says, “I’m Tony.”

She grins at him. He doesn’t know that he’s ever seen an expression so sweet.

“I’m Y/N,” she replies, “it’s great to finally meet you.”

marvel tag list: @thatfangirl42, @rogueanschel, @mycosmicparadise, @ellobruv, @callsign-scully, @with-inked-solace, @sher-lokid7, @amortensie, @23victoria, @watchreadfangirlrepeat, @gods-fools-heroes, @w1shes43, @deafsuperhero, @fadedver

[pandagirl45]

Tony watched himself in the mirror before giving himself an aggressive stare poking at his stomach, "shit..." He looked to Friday pinching rhe building plush, "what the fuck is this?"

Friday with beautiful snarky goodness that was to the T Stark brand, "I believe boss, you have been in a relative happy and healthy relationship with one Mr. Rogers and Mr. Barnes thusly, the term is called," tony waited for the reason he looks softer, "happy weight."

Tony stared then he looked back on it, it wasn't like it was cure all to his mental health, he was happier even when days drained him, when he just felt slower than yesterday or didn't want to leave the bed. Tony recounted the good days. The quiet days. The day he would nibble in content on food. Yeah okay, he can see it, "Happy... weight. Okay." Nodding once, Tony stared at himself, less ribs showing, less bony in appearance. He seems to see it.

Even when his mind spoke about public appearances, he took a moment to see that with Bucky his hair was comfortably at his ears. Steve own beard with lightly trimmed like Buckys. Though steve hair was more wild, got out of bed, coiffed. Weird how he managed that. Even Tony noticed his own usual styled hair is more relax in a natural state. The two soldiers casual in affection and Tony...

"Heh, happy hair."

Both soldiers blinked at him as he laid back to relax on them both working.

[emmedoesntdomath]

writing harley keener: a synopsis

I’ve spent a (frankly embarrassing) amount of time writing this dumbass. so, in respect to this, I’ve broken down who he is and how that affects his characterization at different points in his life. enjoy.

HARLEY KEENER

age 1-7: don’t give him a pov. you’ll just make a fool of yourself.

age 7-11: snarky, cynical little shit who’s entirely unimpressed with the world around him (affectionate). he doesn’t know when to shut up, and will candidly inform you that his father doesn’t care about him. he insists he’s too old for stupid things like superheroes, but there’s a notebook under his bed with stickers and drawings of iron man. he eats an unhealthy amount of mac’n’cheese. 

age 11-13: tony stark breaks into his garage, it becomes his personality for the next two years. he smiles a bit more, gets punched a little less. it’s the first time he’s seriously interested in mechanics. twelve different versions of potato guns are made. 

age 13-15: boy has discovered redbull, and it’s done wonders for his adhd. the tony craze has worn off slightly, but not by much. the best term to describe this era is “smart idiot”. has a very strong obsession with nirvana. he builds a robot that flies, calls it anthony. maturity is at an all time low. 

age 15-17: ✨depression✨ (cue dark, contemplative poetry about death and abandonment and angsty music playing in alleyways as he gets into more and more fights. his nose gets broken a record number of three times. he drinks and smokes and there’s scars up and down his arms. send help.) 

age 17-21: he likes life more. not writing essays about death and darkness and despair. probably going to college, probably making his first real friends. learned how to play the guitar, regretted learning how to play the guitar. stops going to church. has a morally questionable amount of hair. 

age 21 and beyond: he’s not okay all the time, but he’s over trying to be. sworn off alcohol, has a nicotine patch on the inside of his forearm. he has a comfortable amount of friends, and facetimes his sister on the weekends. wears stained tshirts and jeans and old hoodies. the new york times calls him the new tony stark, harley calls himself a mechanic. 

in summary: he changes. shit happens. don’t make him sound like he’s 25 at age 12. if you don’t know if he would have said it, ask yourself if a young tony stark would have said it. you’re doing great.

[montcumbry-gaytor]

Can you do a platonic male reader with the avengers. He's just about Peter's age or maybe younger then far more smarter than anyone else in the universe. In curious what will they do about it.

Internet War

so I usually don't do like!! non smut asks, cause I do usually just smut and shit like that, but I'm in an Applebee's so WHAT THE HELL??

Anyways please enjoy 🙏

Tony Stark ↓

Thought you were genuinely cool, called you son on multiple accounts, ( on purpose and on accident )

You helped out in his lab, helped him brainstorm, you're also very snarky, moreso around tony so you guys will bully the shit out of the avengers.

The older people at your school shit on you? ohh naw, he's personally making an appearance, AS IRON MAN, and pulling you out of public and putting you into homeschool.

No matter how smart you both are, you both have no idea how to cook, pepper banned you from the kitchen.

You have your own iron-man gadgets, specifically shoes that turn into rocket boots

scolds you for flying in the house

he ends up flying in the house too.

Steve Rogers ↓

"Kid"

See's you as younger him.. almost.

Of course his IQ Wasn't as high as yours.

Takes you to work out and spots you.

You both bully Sam with your wits.

You can sit at a chess table for hours at a time, you let him win sometimes.

You both talk history, visit libraries and cafes in your free time.

Thor ↓

He is a... dunce.

He's not very smart.

Thor canonically played Fortnite and you think this man has an IQ above 15??

No way

You find it hard to talk to him seriously, but he's still a good friend to you.

Though you find it meaningless, you sometimes join him in videogames.

You decimate the battlefield.

Thor joked that you were the new "God of War"

You try to help him out when he's confused about his brother.

While hes an overall nice guy to be around, you don't stay with him too often.

Bruce Banner ↓

You both can chat for hours at a time, you both bring out eachothers social side.

No matter the topic, both of you are collectively intelligent and are never bored by hypotheticals

He finds you extremely calming to be around.

You both enjoy the smell of incense.

You bring him food when you go to visit him, cause you know he forgets to eat.

Its usually Chinese.

Mutually not prone to eating sweets, so the fortune cookies go stale.

Doctor Strange ↓

He finds you difficult to see into, Never quite understanding what you're thinking about

"Child."

Cooks for you when you're over.

You both go to beaches to enjoy the silence, you both sit in silence for the most part.

You both find yourself scribbling down notes back and forth to communicate.

Your companionship is described as an "Organized mess"

Black Widow ↓

She finds your logic confusing for the most part.

Shocked when you took her down in sparring.

Calls you "Kid" for the most part.

Shows you how to utilize your legs when fighting.

Takes you out to eat to fancy places.

You called her ma'am the first time you met, Now you call her Nat.

Miss Nat around the avengers.

You find yourself going to her for advice a lot.

Peter Parker ↓

Hes a very nerdy kid, That was your first impression of him.

You often spend the night at his house, and cover for him when he has to go out as spiderman.

Aunt may loves you.

You find yourself cleaning their house for them and she has to reassure you it's fine.

You and Peter sprawled out in his small ass bed bouncing off questions from one another.

Repairing his web shooters for when he's reckless and doesn't want to admit it to Tony.

You tell Tony anyways.

Hope you enjoyed this anon!! im so sorry for the late posts 🥲🙏

[stevetonyweekly]

SteveTony Weekly - April 9th

 Hey everyone! I read a lot of short things this week that were DELIGHTFUL and kept my mind busy as I wait for news on the personal front. Fandom is my favorite thing for that, and so many other reasons. Be sure to give your authors a comment or kudos if you like their stories! 

~*~ 

Everyone's a Critic by duc

Steve scrap booking with Jan. Everyone's a critic.

Shook the Bones of Me by Mireille

Tony and Steve have some rare free time together. Steve has plans for it.

last call by gottalovev

Tony didn’t prepare for Steve calling first.

It's been thirteen months, why now?

The Three-Date Opportunity by Annie D (scaramouche)

Tony gets three dates to win over a skeptical Steve. Three, no more and no less.

This Isn't What it Looks Like by FestiveFerret

Steve finds an antique mirror at a thrift shop, but it turns out to be more than just a mirror.

Five Kinks Tony Stark Does Not Have Anymore Thanks to Steve Rogers  (+1 He Still Likes) by greyduckgreygoose

"Hm ..." Clint paused in the bedroom doorway, surveying Tony as he lay in fetal position, sulkily clutching a hot water bottle to his groin. "Can't decide what to mock you for without more information."

festina lente (hurry slowly) by greyduckgreygoose

If anyone asked Steve – and a few reporters may well have, Steve wouldn’t know since Peggy had kept him from answering anything else outside controlled press conferences and faux-casual interviews – what his relationship was with Captain America, Steve would have said something like, “We’ve reached an understanding,” or, “He’s a good guy to have in a fight,” but nowhere in that statement would be the mention of friend, or partner or ally.

A role reversal fic featuring Steve Rogers (a.k.a Iron Man) as a billionaire, genius engineer with a heart of gold and Tony Stark (a.k.a Captain America) as a playboy American Hero who spent most of his backpay on his flashy lifestyle.

felix culpa (fortunate fault) by greyduckgreygoose

The first time Tony had fucked in his new body, it was with a USO girl five years his senior. It was his first time not being scrawny, first sexual encounter outside of back-alley blowjobs and hotel room visits with strange men in bars. First time penetrating.

It was bad. He didn’t judge his strength and left a dime-sized bruise on the girl’s breast. She had laughed, of course, been a sport as she ruffled his hair. “At least it’s somewhere easy to cover,” she had said, “But they sure weren’t kidding about that super strength of yours, were they? Wowee.” He had still felt like shit.

Bound to Take Your Life by greyduckgreygoose

“Bite me,” Tony had hissed the first time that they met, and to this day he doesn’t know just how close Steve had been to shoving him to the ground and sinking his canines into Tony’s neck, jaws clamping down until Steve’s mouth tasted of blood and sweat and Tony’s screams died down to a slow whimper.

Cry Uncle by greyduckgreygoose

Tony chuckled, flipping up his mask so that Steve could feel Tony's breath on his ear as he whispered, "But Cap, I promised that I'd make you beg for mercy." Steve's eyes widened, his body going taut as a bowstring in anticipation of being drawn.

I Wanna Hold Your Hand by NotEvenCloseToStraight

Tony is a snarky, sassy, college age disaster, making his way through the Ph.D program by way of spite, stubborness and unhealthy amounts of caffeine so lovingly supplied by the local coffee shop.

Steve is the barista hopelessly in love with the fluffy haired, sleep deprived, genius.

It happens exactly the way you think it does.

A Common Folly by royal_chandler

Alongside the growing skirt of daylight, a miserable hangover had greeted Tony the next day. Steve sputtering through awkward morning-after talk had only made it worse, his hands a busy flurry in Tony’s face and dizzying. To save himself the trouble of lengthy jail time, Tony had smothered him with a cotton-dry mouth rather than with a pillow he’d been half-seriously contemplating. And after that? Well Tony discovered that he quite liked kissing Steve and being kissed by Steve.

Unforeseen Side Effects by Fickle_Obsessions

In a quick effort to make Loki docile, the Tony Stark releases an experimental drug that only effects Asgardians. It gets Thor too, but hey, he had no choice. It works a little too well. Loki goes from trying to destroy the world to braiding Thor's hair as well as other things. Steve helpfully sticks around and clutches his pearls while Tony waits for the drug to wear off.

(Shipping this forever old fic to live in the same stable as my other fillies.)

Not just a river in Egypt (Tony is most certainly not in denial) by theoddoodisnude

"You are most definitely not in love with me, Cap, what you are experiencing is called cabin pressure," Tony explains, because he has a rational train of thought and he's met enough shrinks to have figured out their tactics by now. "And possibly, you know, sexual frustration, because it doesn't matter at all that you're, like, America's national icon, Fury still won't let you out. I know that, I see that, I acknowledge your pain, I feel with you, Cap, believe me, I do. And I get it, because I am a very good-looking fellow and we spend a lot of time together, stuck in this tower, and it's easy to--"

"I am," Steve cuts off, equal parts amused and frustrated and concerned. "In love. With you. Tony, I'm in love with you."

The Next Great Baker by Tacuma

Tony has been asked to be in a judge in one of the episodes of 'The Next Great Baker'. He doesn't really want to go, until he tastes the amazing donuts of one of the contestants.

Messily by mattmurderock

Steve grunted softly and kissed Tony hard, pulling him close with one hand on his ass again and one now twining into Tony’s hair. They fell onto the bed like that, a heap of limbs and mouths and gasps. Tony could feel Steve everywhere, from the strong fingers slipping into the back of his slacks to the rock-hard cock pressing against his lower stomach. His veins sung with pleasure, his heart beating faster than a bullet train. His blood chanted 'Steve, Steve, Steve, St-'

Cuddling by ladyshadowdrake

The thing he missed the most about Pepper – okay, that was a lie, he missed almost everything about Pepper – but the thing he was really surprised that he missed was the cuddling. So it shouldn’t have been anything new when he realized that Steve didn’t like to cuddle.

A Thousand Lives by Neverever, Perlmutt

Steve is planning to ask Tony to the Homecoming Dance and Tony wants to ask Steve, but neither has found the courage to actually ask. Until Tony steals a cosmic cube from Fury's office and accidentally reveals the red string of fate that ties him and Steve together.

Optimistic Decompression by exfatalist

To destroy all records of the Superhuman Registration Act before they could fall into Norman Osborn's hands, Tony Stark deleted his brain. In so doing, he forgot a lot of very important - and very terrible - things that he did. His life since has been spent attempting to reconcile how much his friends seem to despise him and knowing, logically, that he could have only ever acted according to his best judgment.

And while no amount of sensory input could possibly bring back such irreparably lost data, nothing was ever logical about the quiet moments when two people lay entwined together.

Frosty the Snowman by Captain_Panda

What's the meaning of Christmas? What is it, really?

Could it be the toys on Christmas day?

Or the friends we made along the way?

Are its joys discovered in a pile of snow?

Or those things that cannot be tied with a bow?

If it's not at the bottom of a glass of eggnog:

Then the meaning of Christmas must reside in a dog.

(AKA: The Christmas story where Steve Rogers adopts a dog, makes some new friends, and discovers that being a Scrooge is impossible with Tony Stark around.)

[fleursfairies]

its crazy to me that in a fantasy superhero universe people enjoy the very real snarky billionaire thats entire power is money over the all powerful multiversall badass witch

like not coming from a "wanda stan" standpoint or a tony anti standpoint

but you are watching a universe with gods and wizards and warriors and your favorite character is elon musk? like yeah tony stark and iron man are cool i guess but if you look at it from a big picture perspective its just like....isnt the point of this to escape reality? and ur favs in the 1%? you do you ig but im in it for the cool shit

and i get liking real relatable characters but how is that relatable???? oh yeah poor little rich white boy i relate so much.

at least choose like sam or something he's relatable

if your fav is tony stark that's obviously fine, im just gonna make fun of you a little bit

[theconstitutionisgayculture]

Come now, we can’t just blame Disney for the snarky asshole jokes issue. Nearly everyone in mainstream media does

I know he a kid, but Damian Wayne in recent stuff feel like the writers forget the idea he supposed to sound sophisticated as Ra’s and Talia. Where he would say “Cow feces are more useful than you.” Vs “Eat shit!”

I feel a lot of modern writers just use their friends group and what they see online. And take snarky characters like Tony stark at face value. Are these people college educated? Where the dialogue structure differences?

We can blame Disney for popularizing it (specifically we can blame Joss Whedon's Avengers and James Gunn's Guardians of the Galaxy) and taking the problem global, but you're right, it existed before the MCU was ever a thing. Mostly it seemed to come from people trying to copy Quinten Tarintino or Joss Whedon's dialogue style, which always had context surrounding it that made that kind of dialogue fit with the rest of the movie. These days, it's more common to see characters constantly undercutting their own scenes, motivations, and the plot as a whole, just to say something snarky or to wink at the audience about how silly the genre is. It's not about the characters, it's about the writer letting the reader know that they're not taking this too seriously.

Damian Wayne is a good example of writers not even trying to understand the characters they're writing. I would bet money that the evolution (or de-evolution) of his dialogue came because some writer looked at how he spoke and went "this isn't how kids talk!" without ever giving any thought to the context of why he speaks that way. That's the essence of modern writing. It's not about the characters being people. It's about the writer speaking directly to the reader.

[mischief-and-tea-by-the-sea]

CHARACTER ASK GAME!!!

Emma: 2, 4, 14, 24

Loki: 5, 15, 16, 25

Tony: 7, 11, 19, 22

Goodness! So many asks! YAY!

Emma Frost:

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

She's highly intelligent and incredibly snarky. She knows who she is, she knows what she wants, and at least by now (I hope), she's not going to let another person treat her like a consolation prize/second choice.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

Well, she's been in a movie by a fantastic actress to play her, but the writers were shit and decided that they were just going to treat her like eye candy fluff instead of the beautiful badass that she is. I'd like to see her in a movie again, but I'm not sure how much I trust the MCU (Disney) with her portrayal - and she wouldn't get to interact with some of my favorite characters for her to interact with because the MCU killed those characters off or sent them back in time to 'dance' with the handsy, red-flag giving person who brought Hydra into S.H.I.E.L.D. Emma would probably be better utilized in a book where the powers of her snark and sass and mind aren't hinging on some screenplay writer's/director's shitty sexist agenda.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Expensive Parisian Runway in the Streets, Comfy Borrowing Her Boyfriend's T-shirts in the Sheets.

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

Lagertha from Vikings. Maybe a little bit Bedelia du Maurier from Hannibal but without Bedelia's petty jealousy in Season 3. Maybe a blending of Montespan, Palatine, and Henriette from Versailles.

Loki:

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Nature Boy by Nat King Cole

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

Tony Stark. Runners up: Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Emma Frost, Justin Hammer. Following those four: Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanoff, Fandral.

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

Thor and the Grandmaster.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

Okay my first-first impression of Loki as a Marvel character was that he looked fucking stupid and how could they disrespect my beloved deity that way. (My ex showed me the 80s comics he had, and I had this view of Loki from the first shot - nevermind that I don't mind the look now with Richard E. Grant because it served a fun purpose, a Glorious Purpose, as it were. But I mean, my ex also showed me Logan in those same/year comics, and I thought he looked stupid af, too.) Now I think they do better to portray a good look for Loki as well as his not-evil morally gray sass, but also I love him in the series as well because it shows a versatility to the character as is meant to be in a trickster and not just some one-mood (brooding/dark) that so much of his fans in fandom seem to cling to.

Tony Stark:

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

When fandom pays attention to his PTSD and lets other characters actually notice his PTSD and try to help him rather than mock or try to humiliate/denigrate him for it. When fandom highlights Tony's big loving heart and his love languages with other characters.

11. Would you date this character?

Without hesitation.

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

Pepper Potts. I love them as friends, I do not love them as a romantic relationship because she's too dismissive of his PTSD and all the good he's trying to do. I'm also not partial to his relationships with Janet Van Dyne and Patsy (Trish) Walker (comics).

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

Like: Kind of a repeat of the #7 question above, but also I love when writers perfectly capture Tony's sass and sarcasm. I love the extent that writers (including myself) will go to in order to come up with Tony's nicknames for other characters.

Don't Like: When writers imagine Tony as utterly selfish and spoiled and deliberately cruel. When they make his failures that he learns from and gets back up and does better the next time as some sort of unforgivable crime.

Thanks for all the asks! Don't be afraid, y'all! Give me more asks and other characters and fandoms if you like! These are a blast!

Character Ask Game.

[moonlightdancer26]

Severus Snape = Tony Stark

Shit fathers

Didn’t start out with the best line of work (Severus was arguably worse)

Stopped particular line of work and started doing good work

Geniuses their field

Sarcastic bastards

Overlooked trauma

Was blamed for everything until they died

Died saving the world

Has hypocritical, ignorant, one brain cell haters

Has fans that fantasize about them being dads

Both shipped with a snarky rich dude that does magic

Omg I got this ask when I was editing a draft and I only saw “Shit fathers” under their names and I thought you meant that they themselves WERE shit fathers 😭😭 My first two thoughts were “TONY? A SHIT FATHER? WHAT ABOUT MORG-” and “omg Severitus 👀” (then I got confused because I assumed it was a Snape hate ask 💀)

Has hypocritical, ignorant, one brain cell haters

Yeah that sounds about right

Has fans that fantasize about them being dads

I think the beginning of my answer supports that 😭

Both shipped with a snarky rich dude that does magic

I believe we’re all in agreement that Stephen and Lucius are the dilf-iest dilfs to have ever dilfed.

I’ve taken notice of these similarities before, anon, but never have I really put all of them together at once. I try to restrain myself when posting something about two controversial characters from two different fandoms (it kinda feels like I’m piling all the controversy together lol), but I love drawing out comparisons between Tony and Sev, their stans, the characters they’re “pitted against” in canon (for Tony it’s Wanda and ig Steve, for Sev it’s the Marauders) and their stans, and their haters as a whole. Tbh I simply look at all of my faves from every series I love and see the resemblance so out in the open, it’s obvious I have a certain taste in characters lmao.

[stony-ao3-feed]

Let’s Play, Detective.

Read it on AO3

by Gottoomanyships

Detective Steve Rogers was much too easy to rile up and distract.

Good thing Tony was great at doing both of those things.

Or, a Stony, Horny, Knives Out Universe RP

Words: 10527, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 2 of Stuckony, Stony & Starkbucks One Shots No One Needs

Fandoms: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Knives Out (Movies) RPF, Iron Man - Fandom, Captain America - All Media Types

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Steve Rogers, Tony Stark

Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Knives Out (2019) Fusion, AU Fic, Detective Steve Rogers, Tony Stark as Hugh Ransom Drysdel, Tony Stark is a Tease, Young Adult Tony Stark, Tony Stark is 22, Older steve rogers, Steve Rogers is 34?, Top Steve Rogers, Bottom Tony Stark, Bratty Tony Stark, Dom/sub Undertones, Discussion Of Murder, Investigations, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Pansexual Tony Stark, Stripping, Shameless Smut, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, RPF, Light Bondage, Gags, Barebacking, Snarky Tony Stark, Snarky Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Being a Little Shit, Tony Stark Being a Little Shit, Ex-Military Steve Rogers, slight mention of PTSD, Not Beta Read, Soldier Steve Rogers

Read it on AO3

[ao3feed-irondadspiderson]

alien robots aren't fidget toys

https://archiveofourown.org/works/56998372 by webss312 “You're a real Debbie Downer sometimes, you know that?” Peter said, even as he popped the old cartridges out and replaced them with new ones. “I am unfamiliar with that term, Peter.” Karen informed him kindly. His jaw dropped. “Well now I feel old.” He declared melodramatically. “I'm fifteen, and you made me feel old.” “Imagine how I feel whenever you open your mouth.” Tony grumbled, and Peter realized his comms were still open to the rest of the Avengers. “Ha.” Clint crowed. “Imagine how Steve feels.” The aforementioned man sighed. “Can you all focus, please?” They did not. Karen piped up again. “In all fairness, Peter, I am only a year old.” “Wow, a year old and speaking full grammatical sentences already.'' Peter said. “You’re a child prodigy, K.” —— OR: Peter Parker has the unfortunate habit of fidgeting with things in his hands as he thinks. This, apparently, extends to dumpster diving gadgets, Black Widow’s guns, Stark Tech, and… alien robots? Words: 4508, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: Gen Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov (Marvel), Clint Barton, Nick Fury, Karen (Spider-Man: Homecoming), Friday (Marvel) Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Clint Barton & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers, Avengers Team Members & Peter Parker, Nick Fury & Peter Parker Additional Tags: BAMF Peter Parker, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Crack Treated Seriously, Peter Parker & Tony Stark Friendship, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Peter Parker & Steve Rogers Friendship, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Natasha Romanov & Tony Stark Friendship, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Clint Barton & Peter Parker Friendship, they're ALL FRIENDS ok - Freeform, Domestic Avengers, Avengers Family, canon is like nonexistent in this guys, its just me and my whims now, Crack, Fluff and Crack, Genius Peter Parker, Peter Parker-centric, Snarky Clint Barton, Snarky Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark Friendship, Teen Peter Parker, Fluff and Humor, Humor, No Angst, shocking for me i know, Attempt at Humor, The Avengers Love Peter Parker, Peter Parker Joins the Avengers read it on AO3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/56998372

[themculibrary]

Hope van Dynes & Tony Stark Masterlist

5 Candid Photos of Tony Stark and the 1 Candid Photo of Iron Man (ao3) - dls

Summary: Iron Man, optional. Tony Stark, preferred.

Ant-Man (ao3) - WaywardKeener scott/hope T, 8k

Summary: Scott just wants to see his daughter. Hope wants the tech out of Darren's hands. Hank is with his daughter but disagrees on who they should trust about this mission to stop Darren.

Better Than Before (Yesterday’s Gone) (ao3) - Meatball42 tony/hope G, 2k

Summary: Hope knows she has what it takes to be an Avenger. It’s getting along with her prospective teammates that worries her- and one of them in particular.

bound by a promise to the moon (ao3) - graveltotempo tony/stephen G, 80k

Summary: In 1990, Carol Danvers, James Rhodes, Stephen Strange, Tony Stark and Hope Van Dyne get drunk and make a blood oath.

daddy, watch your little black sheep run (ao3) - paperclipbitch tony/hope T, 10k

Summary: “Just so we’re clear,” Hope says, breathless, hands tangled in Tony’s hair and eyes bright, “we’re only doing this to piss off my dad, okay?”

“Hang on,” Tony replies, fumbling with the back of her bra, “I thought we were doing this to piss off my dad.”

Field Trip 2.0 (ao3) - Angeeelatin pepper/tony G, 3k

Summary: Because the Academic Decathlon team won nationals this year, they were awarded with field trips. Yes, field trips. Plural. Because they had already visited Stark Industries, their destinations this time were a bit more diverse in location. They were going to the White House, and Pym Technologies.

For some reason, Peter has higher clearance than he should have.

Or: I introduce another character into the Peter Parker & SI- verse, Hope Van Dyne

hey, babe? I think I wanna marry you (ao3) - graveltotempo tony/hope G, 6k

Summary: five times tony stark proposed to hope van dyne, and one time she proposed to him (spoiler alert: he said yes).

Hope Burns Bright Despite All Darkness (ao3) - starbuck92 hank/janet, pepper/tony, scott/hope T, 13k

Summary: “There’s no manual on how to raise kids when you do what we do.”

Parenting isn’t easy, even for genuine superheroes. It turns out that growing up with only one of those parents isn’t a walk in the park either.

la petite souer (ao3) - starbuck92 T, 8k

Summary: Christmas wasn’t his favorite time of the year. Unlike other kids, Tony didn’t have the best memories of the holiday season, and even into his adulthood, it hadn’t gotten much better after the death of his parents. He ignored as much as he could, shutting himself in his garage or in the lab to tinker with anything that would occupy his brain for hours at a time, usually ending the nights either drunk off his ass or in bed with someone - or both, more often than not.

Christmas through Hope’s eyes, however, was magical.

Little Boxes (ao3) - TenSpencerRiedPlease tony/t’challa, steve/tony (not endgame) N/R, 33k

Summary: When Tony had been in his twenties he’d been all fast cars, snarky remarks, and promiscuous enough that he offended people with it. Now people talked about how Steve tamed him like he had been a wild animal or some shit. And Steve didn’t tame him at all, he fucking gutted him.

*

T'Challa doesn’t need another PhD but its better than dealing with political responsibilities at home and he came to America under the guise of doing his best to understand various world cultures. His stint to America is to waste time and avoid his political duties as a prince but his father approved anyways. Probably because he sensed that if he didn’t T’Challa would do what he wants anyways.

Midnight Lab Break-Ins (ao3) - purplecatsweater pepper/tony, background hope/scott G, 5k

Summary: Tony, suddenly a little shy, ducks slightly behind his father.

Rage Makes Fire Hotter (ao3) - Tempest_Raining scott/hope G, 4k

Summary: Hope van Dyne was not happy with the Rogue Avengers for what they did to themselves, the world, and Tony Stark. In fact, she was pretty pissed. Perhaps it was time she let them know it.

Or: The One Where Hope van Dyne Scares The Rogue Avengers For Various Reasons.

Stronger than Blood (ao3) - marvelfoodlover rhodey/tony, pepper/hope G, 6k

Summary: Many believed that a Pym and a Stark can never be in same room without disagreeing. Everyone knew about the hostility Hank Pym had for Howard Stark, and it wasn’t a secret that the the feeling is mutual.

Everybody knew it. So what comes next is quite the surprise.

That Bridge was Burnt (ao3) - Lp37451 (BirdieBats) tony/stephen, carol/rhodey, scott/hope G, 27k

Summary: The Rogues are back, Tony doesn't care for them anymore but Stephen Strange and Tony Stark have a surprising amount in common.

the legacies are (not) alright (ao3) - MarvelousAvengfulSlytherin G, 2k

Summary: Hope changed, Sharon fought and Tony reinvented. How they became an unlikely family and decided to change things. Life isn't fair after all so why should any of them be?