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imaginationintowords · 4 years

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Folklore [song series]

cardigan

Modern Day AU! Bucky Barnes x OC!Reader; Steve Rogers x OC!Reader

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album Folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years.

Word Count: 11672

Warnings: swearing, sexual innuendos, underage drinking

[a/n: sorry it took me awhile to get this part out. But to make up for it this one is a long one! Sorry if it’s a little confusing, I know there’s a lot to it, so I hope it’s easy to follow. Also if you would like to be tagged, just let me know]

Previous Part

Series Masterlist

Age: 19 Year: 2013 Location(s): Stanford, CA & Brooklyn, NY Elizabeth was spending her Friday afternoon packing up the last bit of her things that would be shipped back to Brooklyn tomorrow. She planned it so that if they were shipped tomorrow, they would arrive back home two days after she got there. Enough time for her to unpack the stuff she was taking with her on her flight in a couple of days. Elizabeth had successfully completed her first year of college at the University of Stanford. It was the best year of her life. "Hey Liz!" Her roommate, Wanda greeted her. Last summer, Elizabeth received an email from the school telling her who her dorm mate would be, along with the girl's email address. Wanda Maximoff was originally from Sokovia, but she and her family moved to Boston when she was 8 years-old. Both girls instantly clicked. That summer they were constantly in communication with each other. They both went over their excitement and fears of moving across the country. Wanda, like Elizabeth, had never been away from her family for so long, especially her twin brother. They both eased each other's minds, knowing they weren't alone in this journey. Up until her senior year Elizabeth had every intention of not being alone going into college, but in the end that wasn't the case. Steve ended up going to Berkley, and Bucky ended up at NYU. When they finally both moved into their dorm, it was like they had been life long friends. Wanda was pre-med while Elizabeth was pre-law, so they both knew that one another would take priority in their education over partying. Didn't mean they didn't go out to the occasional party, they both just knew the sacrifices their families were making for them to be at an out of state university. "Hey Wand, what's up?" Elizabeth smiled, while continuing to pack. "Are you going to the party at Loki's house?" Loki Odinson was a junior. He was a legacy student, both his parents were Stanford University alumni. They had a house that was only 15 minutes away from campus, Loki and his friends lived there during the semester, before they all fled back to Los Angeles for the summer.

Even though he was rich beyond means, he wasn't a jerk. He was friendly to everyone around him. Everyone wanted to be his friend, and he wouldn't say no to that. When Elizabeth first met him she thought he was flirting with her, and she kind of welcomed the idea of dating someone like him. But she later found out that Loki wasn't into her, or any other females for that matter. He had a long term boyfriend who was going to USC, they took turns visiting each other every weekend. Normally the weekends Loki wasn't having a party were the ones his boyfriend was visiting. Loki was also a law student, so he helped Elizabeth whenever she needed it. He hosted a weekly meeting in the library for freshman students who were law students, it was a way to help them navigate their first year and the stressors that came with it. He was like their big brother. Elizabeth owes a lot to him this year, because she wasn't sure how she would've made it alive without him. "Yeah, I was planning on it," Elizabeth said taping up the final box for the night, "Last party of the school year. Did you want to go together?" "Yes, please," Wanda said, throwing herself onto her bed. Wanda's side of the room was semi-packed up. Her family was flying in the day Elizabeth was flying out. They were renting a RV and taking a road trip across country. Wanda leaned on her elbow facing Elizabeth, and looking around the room, "Wow, you're almost done packing!" "Yup," she said, getting off of the floor and pressing the palms of her hands to her back to let out the cracks from sitting on the floor for a long period of time, "Movers are picking up my things tomorrow to ship back home. The last things I need to pack our the rest of my clothes I have left, but those are all going in my suitcase to take on the flight with me." "Can't wait til the fall where we don't have to be stuck in these dorms," Wanda stretched out on her tiny bed. Wanda and Elizabeth were planning on getting an apartment next semester at one of the student housing apartment complexes next to the campus. As much as they enjoyed the dorms, having their own privacy would be so much better. Without the constant interruptions from other people on their floor, or from having to share a bathroom with the whole floor. It will be nice to have their own space. They both took on little jobs on campus during the school year, and had planned to also work the entire summer to save up some money. Their parents had agreed to help with the rent, as long as both Wanda and Elizabeth kept up a 3.7 GPA and had jobs to pay for the necessities they would be needing. It was a great deal that they couldn't pass on. "What are you going to wear tonight?" Elizabeth asked Wanda, as she stood in front of her small closet, which now was only half filled. "My lucky red dress," Wanda smiled, "Rumor has it Loki's older brother Thor will be there tonight." Thor was Loki's older brother. He was a senior at Berkley, which was only about an hour drive away. Thor was an Environmental studies major, who was also the captain of the Cal Bears Field Hockey team. He was the complete opposite of Loki when it came to their looks, and taste in genders. He was a bit taller than Loki, had a ton more muscles, long blonde hair, and the times Elizabeth and Wanda had seen him, he had a full grown beard. He looked very intimidating at first glance, but he was actually just a giant bear. Like Loki, he just wanted to be everyone's friend, and just wanted to make sure everyone around him was having a good time. They were clearly both raised by the same parents. Elizabeth laughed out loud, "Wanda, please tell me you're not planning on trying to hook up with him tonight." "Duh, hence my lucky red dress," Wanda got out of bed and grabbed the red dress hanging from her closet, "This dress is magic, okay. It hasn't failed me yet." Wanda's red dress became her "lucky red dress" after she aced her first exam, and hooked up with a cute sophomore she had been eyeing, all on the same day. Whenever she needed luck on her side, she wore the dress. During finals she wore it the entire week, washing it in between each day, they wouldn't be getting their results back for a few more days, but Wanda knew she had done well. Elizabeth didn't bother to try and belittle the lucky dress, because even she might have worn it a few times and had gotten good results. "Plus, seeing as Thor is graduating next week it might be the last time I see him, so go big or go home," Wanda smiled proudly.

_______________________

A few hours later Wanda and Elizabeth found themselves walking up to Loki's house. At night the house might've reminded those in passing of a fraternity house, but in the daylight it was completely not. The yard was always perfectly manicured. The exterior reminded Elizabeth of a house in the Hamptons, while the interior was something straight out of a interior design magazine. It was definitely not a house made for college aged boys.

Wanda was dressed in her lucky red dress, with a pair of black booties, and a leather jacket. Her hair was in loose curls falling down her back. She kept her makeup light, aside from the dark red lip she had on.

Elizabeth was a bit more casual with some ripped at the knee black jeans, a loose grey t-shirt, and a suede burgundy moto jacket. She had straightened her curls that night, but since the weather was getting warmer she put it up in a messy ponytail. Her makeup was a very bare minimum, just some mascara and a nudish pink lipstick that practically matched her lips. She didn't come tonight for a hookup, she just came to spend time with these new friends she made before she headed back home for the summer.

As soon as they walked into the crowded house, they immediately headed to the bar area to grab something to drink.

"Do you see Thor?" Wanda asked Elizabeth as they received their drinks from the bar tender, who Loki paid for the night a lot to overlook the underage drinking.

"No," Elizabeth said speaking a little louder because of the music, "If he were here, I'm sure we would spot him right away. Man is built like a god."

"Damn right he is," Wanda smirked taking a sip from her drink.

Elizabeth let out a laugh at her friend's comment, before going back to scanning the room.

"Let's go out back," she shouted, grabbing Wanda's hand.

They weaved through the loud crowded makeshift dance floor that was the living room.

Once outside they could hear the cheering sounds of a game of beer pong going on.

"Hey girls!" They turned their heads to find Loki walking up to them.

"Hey Loki, no Scott this weekend?" Elizabeth asked, noticing he was sans his boyfriend.

"No, he had to study for finals, he's coming up next week for Thor's graduation though," he says, hugging both girls.

"Speaking of which, where is that brother of your's?" Wanda tried to nonchalantly ask.

"I see you're wearing your lucky red dress," Loki remarks ignoring her question, he had a smirk on his face, knowing exactly what Wanda was up to.

"Oh, am I, I didn't even realize it," she played along, sending him a wink.

"He'll be he-" Loki was immediately cut off by a loud booming voice making it's way through the house and towards the back, "Mention and he shall appear."

The girls peered over their shoulder to see Thor walking in with a group of guys following him. Some of them Elizabeth recognized as his friends from Berkeley.

"Brother," Thor shouts, rushing his way towards Loki, throwing his arms around his younger brother in a bone crushing hug. You'd think they haven't seen each other in months, but they actually saw each other a couple a times a week for dinner.

Elizabeth found it cute the way they were really close. She never had any siblings, she always wanted some but her parents had only wanted one kid. She knew if she had a sibling she would want the same relationship Thor and Loki had.

"Ladies," Thor greets Wanda and Elizabeth, as he finally releases his brother.

"Hi," Elizabeth waved.

"Wanda, nice dress," Thor said throwing his arm over the small red head.

"Oh this old thing," she smiled, as he lead her towards the beer pong table.

"That damn dress," Loki laughed.

"It's lucky for a reason," Elizabeth laughed shaking her head.

"Elizabeth?" Elizabeth turned around thinking she heard her name called but she shrugged it off thinking it was just Wanda from up ahead.

"Elizabeth? Betty?" At the mention of her old nickname she froze, and instantly turned back around to come into eye contact with none other Steve Rogers.

"Steve!?" She exclaimed, completely taken back by seeing him here in the flesh.

He looked a bit different. He definitely had bulked up since the last time she saw him at their high school graduation.

"Oh my gosh, it is you," he shakes his head in disbelief before hugging her.

"Woah, you're huge," she remarked wrapping her hands around him.

"Berkley has a nice student gym," he remarks as they pull apart from each other, still taking each other in.

It felt like they were both looking at strangers. Yes, they still basically looked the same, but there was something different about both of them. Something more mature. Here are two young adults who had spent their childhood and teenage years together, looking at each other in complete amazement.

They hadn't spend much of senior year together. After giving Bucky his letter, Elizabeth had went over to Steve's to apologize in person. He welcomed her with open arms, but there was still something a bit off. What happened between their little group had changed them forever. Their friendship would never be the same again. And maybe that was for the better, Elizabeth had thought at the time.

Now as they stand in front of each other taking it all in, they hadn't realized how much they had missed each other. Missed home.

Loki clears his throat behind them, signaling he was still there.

"Oh, Loki," Elizabeth glanced behind, "this is Steve, we grew up together. Steve this is Loki."

"Hey," Steve reached his hand over for Loki to take, "Thor has told many stories about you."

"God, of course he has," Loki took his hand and rolled his eyes, "I'm sure they were all at my expense."

Elizabeth caught Loki subtly checking Steve out, causing a small blush to form on her cheeks. Guess she wasn't the only one taken by his new stature.

"They weren't all bad," Steve laughed.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'll leave you two to catch up, I have a red dress to see in action," he says before walking away.

"Red dress?" Steve asked confused.

"It's nothing," she shook her head, realizing the amount of inside jokes she's made that no longer include him.

"So how have you been?" She asks him, as she leads him to a secluded part of the backyard where the music wasn't so loud.

"Good," he smiles one of his famous bright smiles, "Just been busy. You know freshman year not as easy as I had thought it would be."

"You're telling me," she laughs, "I'm glad I encountered Loki because he's been a massive help."

"Are you guys..." he starts to imply.

"Oh no," she quickly interrupts, "Let's just say Loki would be way more into you than me."

"Ah I get the picture," he lets out a loud laugh.

They didn't realize how much time had gone by, before Loki comes running up to them.

"IT WORKED!" He yelled, slightly slurring his words, "That damn red dress is fucking magic."

"Of course it is," Elizabeth smiled, watching Loki shake his head and make his way back to the party.

"What is this red dress?"

"My roommate Wanda, she has this red dress, and it's sorta became a lucky red dress throughout the year. It's magical," she says, but then something comes over herself, causing her to correct herself.

"It's nothing. It's just silliness. I'm sure it's not really magic," she shakes her head, and the idea of still believing in magic.

"Hey, don't do that," he places his hand softly on top of hers that was laid in between them on the bench they were sat at, "If you say it's magic, I believe it. There's nothing wrong with having a little magic in your life. Lord knows I believe, reason I won't use any other pencil when taking my final."

"Ahh Steve Rogers has a lucky pencil?" She playfully mocks.

"Steve Rogers has more than one lucky pencil," he laughs, "I have one for my written finals, and one I use for my drawings."

"Ah your drawings," she beamed, "They were always my favorite. I was so happy for you when I heard you decided to pursue something that allows you to still put your powers into use."

"My powers?" He asked, with a smile on his face.

"Yeah, your drawings were always so powerful," She beamed at him, "You knew how to bring whatever you were drawing to life. Your Brooklyn bridge drawing is still hands down one of my favorites."

"And between us," she lowers her voice, causing both of them to move their heads closer to each other, "It's my lucky totem."

"What? You still have it?" He quietly asked in disbelief.

The drawing was years old. He had drawn it one day during homeroom when they were 14, he didn't like how it came out but Elizabeth wouldn't let him toss it. She ended up taking it from him, to make sure he didn't throw it away. She had told him that one day he's going to want to look back on it and see how far he's come, even though she was positive he couldn't possibly get any better than he already was.

"I always keep it folded up in my pocket when I take a test," she confesses, "Have been since that day four years ago. It's my lucky drawing."

Steve stared at Elizabeth in awe. He didn't know what to say, he had just assumed she had lost it. But hearing that it was her lucky charm made his heartbeat quicken. For the first time in his life he wasn't seeing little innocent Betty, he was seeing Elizabeth. A beautiful, confident, mature young woman. She really blossomed here in college. He had never seen her so happy, so at peace. She was absolutely glowing.

He could feel his hands getting clammy, and his throat getting dry. He caught himself glance down at her lips and then back at her eyes. He tried to swallow the lump down his throat.

"Liz!" He heard someone yell in the background, causing both of them to snap out of their gaze.

They looked over to find Loki, once again. Slightly more drunk than last time.

"She's fucking my brother!" He exclaims in horror, "In my fucking room!"

Elizabeth laughs quietly and shakes her head.

"I better go make sure Loki doesn't drink himself from the horror of it all," she tells Steve, as they both get up.

"Wouldn't want that happening," he says, feeling his cheeks heat up.

"No, I'm going to need him next year," she smiles before walking away.

Elizabeth stopped and turned around, "Hey Steve, when are you flying back home?"

"Sunday morning at 8am, you?"

"Same. Where you flying from?"

"San Francisco International," he tells her.

"Well look at that, we're on the same flight home. Guess I'll see you Sunday morning," she smiled waving good bye.

"See you Sunday," he waved back, a big grin on his face.

After she was gone, Steve was left alone to his thoughts. His mind was racing with so many different thoughts. Was he really thinking about kissing Elizabeth? Bucky's Elizabeth. I mean she technically wasn't Bucky's Elizabeth anymore, but still as Bucky's best friend he shouldn't be having those thoughts of kissing his ex-girlfriend and first love. Hell Bucky was still in love with Elizabeth.

After Bucky had received that letter from Elizabeth, it kind of gave him hope for the future. He had told Steve that he wasn't going to give up on them getting back together. Steve was finding himself hoping that maybe Bucky had moved on from that idea. Maybe being at college has matured him the way it did for him and Elizabeth.

He glanced back at the house to catch Elizabeth pulling a shot away from a drunk Loki, as she tried to make sure he wouldn't cause any harm to himself.

Bucky was an idiot for screwing that up, he found himself thinking.

___________________

Elizabeth spent Saturday finishing up any last minute packing, before the movers arrived to pick up what was being shipped back. She also spent the afternoon hearing all about Wanda's wild night with Thor. Apparently Thor had such a great time he even invited her to his graduation, and she gladly accepted. Elizabeth smiled as her friend continued to talk about Thor, she noticed the way Wanda's eyes lit up. Her friend was falling in love and she didn't even notice.

She and Wanda had a final dinner that night. They had planned on meeting up later in the summer, to discuss apartment details, and see where each other grew up from.

Elizabeth was finding herself wishing for Sundays approach. Not because she was ready to go home, but she wanted to talk more with Steve. When Wanda asked what happened between them Saturday night, Elizabeth told her the truth. Nothing happened. It was simply just two old friends catching up. Wanda didn't believe her, but dropped the subject.

Steve really had grown up since last year. And not just his physical attributes. Elizabeth found herself loving hearing Steve talk all about what was going on with school. And especially when he talked about architecture. He even pointed out things that he would do to make Loki's house a lot nicer. She had never seen Steve so animated before. It really had her thinking if she even truly knew Steve.

They had spent most of their whole lives together, but when she thought back on it, it was never really just them two. It was always her, Bucky, and Steve. And when Bucky wasn't around it was in student council with other classmates around. She and Steve probably hadn't spent time together since they were children. Last night was the first time where they actually had a long conversation, with just them two. A real conversation about their dreams, and not the silly kind you have when you're seven, but the kind where you're actually making them come true.

It also had her thinking back to the moment when she revealed about keeping Steve's drawing of the Brooklyn bridge. It was such an intimate moment when she thinks back to it. While in the moment she was so drawn to him, like a magnet pulling them towards each other. Elizabeth would be lying if she said she didn't find Steve attractive, because anyone with eyes could see that. And she definitely would be lying if she said she hadn't wanted to kiss him.

Because Elizabeth Sanchez really wanted to kiss Steve Rogers last night.

What a mess that would've made. Kissing her ex-boyfriend's best friend. Her former best friend.

But then again, she and Bucky weren't together. They hadn't even talked since she left, and that conversation was a brief one. Bucky had stopped by to say bye and to let Elizabeth know he really appreciated the letter he sent her earlier in the year, and Elizabeth just explained she didn't want any negative feelings following her to college. She wished him well, and gave him a kiss on the cheek before she left.

Wanda walked into their room cutting Elizabeth's thoughts short.

"Ready?" Wanda asked, "Loki is waiting for us downstairs."

"Yup, let's go," Elizabeth said, she grabbed her carry on bag, one suitcase, while Wanda helped with the other one.

"Here we are," Loki says pulling in front of the drop off area at the airport.

"Thanks for the ride and everything this year," Elizabeth leaned over to give Loki a hug over the center console.

"Anytime kid, just make sure you come back to me," he winked, before getting out of the car to grab Elizabeth's bags from the trunk.

Elizabeth and Wanda hugged each other tightly once out of the car.

"It's not an official goodbye, we'll see each other sooner than we think," Elizabeth said into Wanda's hair.

"I know, I just got so used to having you around, what if I do something stupid?"

"I mean lets be real, you would do something stupid whether I'm there or not," she laughed.

"That's true," Wanda laughed along, pulling away from Elizabeth, "see you in a few weeks."

Elizabeth grabbed her things from Loki, and gave the group one final hug, "Love you guys," she said before walking away.

She turned around and gave them one final wave as they drove off.

Elizabeth checked in her bags and headed for her terminal.

Walking up to where her gate was she noticed a familiar blonde head waiting patiently.

"Hey stranger," she walked up to him.

"Hey," he smiled brightly, causing butterflies to flutter in Elizabeth's stomach.

She tried her hardest to ignore the feeling.

"I got you a coffee, it's still hot, I just got here not too long ago," Steve rambled, handing her a Starbucks cup.

"Ah you're a lifesaver, thank you," she smiled sitting down next to Steve, and taking a sip of her coffee.

Just how I like it, she thought.

"Ready to go back home?" He asked her.

"Yes, as much as I loved being here, I miss my bed," she laughed.

"Right," he agreed, "I can't wait to just crash for a few hours."

"I'm sure your mom is getting it all set up for you as we speak."

"Oh, yeah. She just texted me saying she's washing it as we speak," he laughed.

"How is your mom doing?"

"Good. She and dad actually just spent a month traveling around Europe," he tells her, "they finally had an 'empty nest' to do what they've always wanted to do."

"That sounds nice," Elizabeth smiles at the thought, "I hope to have that one day."

"Have you talked to Bucky lately?" Steve asked, taking not only Elizabeth by surprise but himself as well. He had no idea why he even asked that.

"Uh, no, not since I left last summer," she awkwardly said, scratching the back of her neck.

"Have you?" She asked.

Elizabeth didn't know why she asked Steve that question back. Part of her was curious, the other part was saving him from the embarrassment.

"Uh, yeah. Last night," he copied Elizabeth and rubbed the back of his head, "I was reminding him what time my plane landed. He's picking my up from the airport."

"He's been back home for a week now. Perks of going to school in New York."

"Yeah, I bet. No stress about if you're stuff will get lost on it's journey back," she joked, trying to break the awkward tension.

"So Thor told me he invited Wanda to his graduation," Steve changes the subject.

"Yeah! Her parents are flying in the next day, so she's probably going to go," she tell him, "How did you and Thor become friends?"

Elizabeth had been curious how that friendship started since Thor and Steve are not exactly on the same wavelength.

"Met him at the student gym," Steve laughs, "He saw me struggling and offered to help train me."

"As that's cute," she poked his bicep.

"Oh yeah, totally not embarrassing at all," he laughed along, "I was like a newborn deer learning how to walk."

"Well it paid off," she playfully nudged him, causing him to hide the blush forming on his cheeks.

Steve and Elizabeth continued to chat for the next hour, until it was time to board the plane. On the plane they wen their separate ways, they weren't so lucky to be seated close to one another.

Once they landed it was nearly five o'clock at night. They walked off the plane separately as well, once again like strangers.

Elizabeth would be lying if she said she wasn't rushing off in hopes of not running into Bucky. She knew she wouldn't be able to avoid him, she just dind't want to see him right here, right now.

She quickly made her way to baggage claim, where she was greeted by a familiar pair of eyes.

"Dad," she smiled throwing her arms around his neck.

"Elizabeth," he hugged his child tightly, "Welcome home sweetie,"

"Happy to be back," she smiled, pulling away. She caught his eye looking at something or someone behind her.

"Woah, is that Steve Rogers?" He asked.

She turned around to see Steve walking towards them, with is own carry on bags in hand.

"Steve," her father greeted him with his hand stood out.

"Mr. Sanchez, hi," Steve smiled shaking the older gentleman's hand.

"College treated you well," her father remarked.

"Dad," Elizabeth hissed, feeling her cheeks heat up at his comment.

"What? It's just an observation. I"m sure I'm not the only one who noticed," he gestured over to where two young girls are ogling Steve and giggling behind their hands.

"Thanks Mr. Sanchez," Steve blushed.

"Do you need a ride home?" Her dad offered.

"No, sir. Thank-you though," Steve politely declines, "Bucky is picking me up."

"Well don't be a stranger," her father waves goodbye as he heads to the conveyor belt to grab Elizabeth's bags.

"Bye," Elizabeth awkwardly waves.

"Wait," Steve stops her, "Maybe we can meet up some time this summer before we all head back to school."

"We as in you and me. Or as in you, me, and James?" She curiously asks.

"Of course, you, me and Bucky," he lies, "if that's alright with you. Not sure how things are still with you both."

"Things are you know, weird, but sure why not," she shrugged, "text me when and where."

They said their final goodbyes before parting ways.

Of course I meant with Bucky, right? He thought.

"Steven Grant Rogers?" He heard someone yell.

"Buck," he smiled, happy to see his best friend.

"Damn man, you got huge since I last saw you over the holidays," Bucky commented embracing Steve in a hug.

"It's not really much," he tried to brush it off.

"Dude you look like you ate the old you," he laughed.

"You just missed Liz," Steve said as he and Bucky walked to his car.

"Liz?" Bucky asked confused.

"Elizabeth. Sorry everyone calls her Liz at school," Steve says as he stops outside of Bucky's parked car.

"You guys hung out over there?" Bucky asks opening the trunk of his car.

"Just once," he says placing his suitcases in the trunk, "Remember that guy Thor I was telling you about?"

"Yeah, your personnel trainer," Bucky recalls walking over to the driver side, as Steve got in the passenger side.

Something in the passenger door pocket catches his eye.

"Well turns out Elizabeth is friends with his brother," Steve cautiously tells Bucky, "Ran into her at his party on Friday and we also were not he same flight back."

"Is she dating the guy?" Bucky begrudgingly asks, as he pulls away from he airport.

"Thor's brother? No," Steve says, unsure if he should even be telling Bucky about Elizabeth's new life, "I don't think she's dating anyone, she went to the party with her roommate."

"Cool," Bucky says pretending as if he isn't happy to hear that.

After a few moments of silence Steve decided to bring up what he saw, "So when did you start wearing red thongs?" He asked, gently pulling out the under by the tips of his fingers.

"Uh, you know college, all about experimenting," Bucky lied.

"Are you still planning on getting back with Elizabeth?" Steve ignored Bucky's answer.

"Steve, I don't need another lecture from you," Bucky rolled his eyes.

"I'm just asking, you're clearly not lonely."

"I'm single, so is Elizabeth," Bucky says, "If she were doing what I was it'd be perfectly fine."

"Buck, all I was doing was asking a question because if you are planning on getting back together with Elizabeth, you'll need to get rid of any incriminating evidence."

"Yes, okay. I plan on at least trying to see if Elizabeth would be willing to give it another try," he confesses.

"How is she?" Bucky asks.

"Happy," Steve answers truthfully, "I don't think I've ever seen her happier. College really did her well."

Bucky glanced over at Steve, noticing the way his best friend said the last part. He chose to ignore it.

The remainder of the car ride was spent on them catching up.

_____________________

Elizabeth spent the first couple of days unpacking her things and getting back into the rhythm of being home. She had to admit to herself that she truly did miss being home, her parents were even more thrilled. An empty home was not something they liked. They were even talking about getting a pet.

As she was putting away her freshly washed clothes, her phone vibrated. She had assumed it was Wanda freaking out over what to wear to Thor's graduation tomorrow night. She was surprised to see Steve's name across her screen.

It was a text:

Hey, if you're not busy tonight my parents are having a small BBQ. It's a last minute thing, so if you're free you're more than welcome to join. It starts at 6 :) She took a second to think it through. She knew if she went, there was no doubt that Bucky would be there. She had managed not to run into him so far, but she knew it wouldn't last forever. They did still live across the street from each other. So she texted back:

Hey Steve. I'm totally free. I'll be there :D

_____________________

Elizabeth took her time getting ready. As the time got closer, the more nervous she got.

Before she left she decided to call Wanda.

"I'm so nervous," she tells her friend.

"Take a shot," Wanda answered quickly.

"Dude, I"m home. My parents are definitely not going to let me 'take a shot'. Did you forget we are legally not supposed to," Elizabeth rolled her eyes looking around for her purse.

"Well are you wearing something hot, to show that idiot what he's missing."

"The last thing I want is to look 'hot'," Elizabeth stressed, "If anything I want to look as un hot as possible. I don't want him or anyone else here looking at me like that."

"Except for Steve," Wanda smirked over the phone.

"Yeah, except for Ste-" Elizabeth stopped, she was taken by surprise at what Wanda said and her own response, "No. Wait. What?"

"Oh come on Liz. I may have been slightly preoccupied by Thor that night, but Steve was definitely giving you the eyes," Wanda says, "And you were as well."

"The eyes?"

"Yeah, heart eyes," Wanda says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, "The same way I look at Thor. Or the way Scott and Loki look at each other."

"Wanda, Steve and I weren't looking at each other with heart eyes," Elizabeth denied, "He's one of my longest, closest friends. Plus he's practically Bucky's brother."

"So you thought about it?" Wanda teased.

"I called you to ease my nerves, not make them worse," Elizabeth groaned.

"Sorry," Wanda sincerely apologized, realizing she was being no help to her best friend, "Liz, everything is going to be fine tonight. If anything, all you need to do is be polite to James. Hell, you don't even need to talk to him.

"He's going to want to talk."

"Then keep it cordial, platonic," Wanda reassured her, "You don't have to tell him anything you don't want to. Your life is yours. Not his."

"In the words of Cristina Yang, 'You're the sun. Not him,'" Wanda said quoting one of their favorite shows.

"I'm the sun," Elizabeth repeated, feeling the weight slipping of her shoulders, "Thanks, Wan. I'll call you afterwards."

"Unless you and Steve are getting it on, then you can call me tomorrow."

"Bye," Elizabeth hung up the phone.

____________________

Elizabeth decided to walk the three blocks to the Rogers' household. It was a nice night, and she missed being able to walk everywhere. Something she definitely took for granted once she moved to the west coast.

When she got in front to the Rogers' house, she took one final inhale and exhale, gripping the platter of brownies her mom made as a gift. She the proceeded to walk to the side door, leading to the backyard where everyone was.

She didn't know why she was feeling so nervous. The Rogers weren't strangers. She practically grew up in this house. She knew not just Steve's parents, but his whole family, and they knew her. This would be just like visiting her own family, yet it wasn't. She didn't even really talk to Steve for almost a year.

As soon as she entered the backyard, she couldn't help but feel slightly out of place. She thought she could quickly turn back, no one had even noticed her arrival.

"Oh my gosh," she heard a woman's voice from across the yard, "Is that Elizabeth Sanchez?"

Elizabeth looked over to see Steve's mom, Sarah, rushing over with open arms. She was always so motherly. Elizabeth, welcomed her hug, hugging her back with one hand while the other one still clutched the container of brownies.

"Look at you," Sarah Rogers exclaimed, pulling away but keeping a grasp on Elizabeth's arms, taking her in, "College made such a fine young lady out of you."

Elizabeth couldn't help but to blush, she didn't think she looked that much different. If anything she had gained a few more pounds, and her hair was a bit of a mess, due to the New York humidity.

"Joseph, it's Elizabeth," she called out to her husband who was at the grill with one of Steve's uncles.

"My oh my, well isn't it little Elizabeth Sanchez, all grown up," he proudly smiled, hugging her.

Steve's parents were always so kind to her, like her parents they only had one child. She got the feeling that they saw her as another child, seeing as they were constantly feeding her throughout her youth.

"Your parents didn't come with you?" Joseph asked.

"No, they couldn't make it. They were driving up north to pick up my Grandma. But my mom did send these as an apology," Elizabeth held out the brownies.

"The famous Sanchez brownies," Sarah grabs the container, "Come on in sweetie, make yourself at home."

"Steve, Elizabeth is here," his mother calls into the yard.

Elizabeth looks in the direction his mother yelled into, and spotted Steve, who had a big smile on his face. He wasn't alone, he was with a few people they had went to high school with, and of course in the group was Bucky.

Elizabeth made her way to them all.

"You made it," Steve's smile got bigger, as he went to hug her.

"I told you I would," she said into his shoulder.

"Yeah, well," he pointedly said.

Steve didn't think Elizabeth would really come. He figured since she knew Bucky would be there, she would decide last minute to not go. He was very happy that she decided to not let that stop her. He couldn't help but watch her and she went around the group greeting the familiar faces. Then he felt someone staring at him, and turned to see Bucky watching him watch her.

Steve felt embarrassed when he caught the eyes of Bucky's looking right at him. He quickly played it off.

"Say hi," Steve mouthed to him.

Bucky hesitated for a second glancing back between Steve and Elizabeth. He felt sick. He's been waiting for this moment for awhile, and now all he wanted to do was to run away.

She looked different, the same but different. Steve was right, she seemed genuinely happy. College had brought this new aura to her, she was glowing. Bucky instantly felt guilty for all the pain he's caused her.

He felt a soft nudge to his right side, Steve pointed his head towards the girl that was standing in front of him.

"Uh hi," Bucky nervously said.

"Hi Bucky," she politely smiled.

She called him Bucky. She hadn't called him that since before senior year happened. Steve had mentioned that she had only called him James. He immediately relaxed.

"How have you been?" Elizabeth asked him.

"Good, I've been good," he stumbled over his words, "Yourself?"

"I've been really good," she smiled. This wasn't as bad as Elizabeth thought it's old be.

Before Bucky could respond, they heard a scream. They both turned to see an older Rebecca Barnes running towards them.

Rebecca was now 15 years-old. She came along way from being Bucky's little sister. Elizabeth had always seen Rebecca as the little sister she always wanted. When she and Bucky were dating she would often include Rebecca on their outings. She never wanted Rebecca to feel left out simply because she was the youngest.

After she and Bucky broke up, Elizabeth stopped seeing Rebecca as well. It was just too hard for her. Plus, it took her months to forgive Bucky.

"Rebecca," she laughed, as the young girl threw her arms around the older one.

"You look so good," Rebecca said, pulling away with a giant smile on her face. She no longer had braces, Elizabeth noted.

"Aw thanks, I see those braces finally came off."

"Yeah, just two weeks ago," she smiled even brighter.

Bucky couldn't help but watch the two girls catch up with smiles on their faces.

After they had broken up senior year Rebecca kept asking Bucky went to school in Brooklyn, Rebecca went to a science based school in Queens. She never heard the rumors, but Rebecca was smart and intuitive. When Natasha started coming around more, she put two and two together. She never told Bucky she knew the truth, she figured he was trying to protect her.

"How's California?" Rebecca asked, causing Bucky to tune back into their conversation.

"Amazing," Elizabeth smiled, "Stanford is everything I thought it would be and more. The people there are great as well."

"Any lucky person?"

Leave it to Rebecca to be nosey, Bucky thought.

"Nah," Elizabeth shook her head, "School has been my top priority. Being a pre-law major is a lot of work."

Elizabeth and Rebecca spent some time catching up before Rebecca left to go meet up with some friends in Queens.

"Do you want a drink?" Bucky asks her, holding up an unopened can of soda.

"Thank-you," she grabbed it. She took a look around to see that their group had left and were now mingling with other guests.

It was just her and Bucky in the corner of the yard.

"So," he said shifting on his feet.

"So," she opened the can of soda, causing a loud carbonation sound breaking the awkward silence.

"This is awkward," he nervously laughed.

"Just a little," she agreed.

"Listen-"

"It's all water under the bridge Bucky," Elizabeth interrupted him, "We aren't those people anymore. We're adults now. In college. I meant it when I wrote you that I wanted to move on from all of that. No hard feelings. Think we can do that without mentioning the past?"

"Yeah, I think we're could," he smiled.

"Good," she smiled back, and this time it wasn't a forced one.

"You really do look good," he complimented her, carefully watching her reaction.

"Thank-you," she blushed, looking down at her feet, "So do you. I see you've been following Steve's footsteps about going to the gym."

"Yeah," he blushed, scratching the back of his neck, "It's nothing compared to Steve's. The punk looks like he ate the old Steve. That Thor guy must be one hell of a trainer."

"Oh Thor, he's practically built like a God," Elizabeth giggles, "If you think Steve is big, Thor is a fucking planet."

Bucky laughed along with her.

"So how's school going?" Elizabeth asked him.

"Good actually," Bucky smiled, "I'm going to be taking some summer courses to get a jump start for next year."

"Perks of being so close to campus," she smiled, "Did you have good roommate?"

"Yeah, his name is Sam, he's also in the same Music Technology program as me," Bucky explained, "He's going to be visiting during summer, so hopefully you get a chance to meet him."

Everything was going smoothly throughout the night. Elizabeth found herself having a really great time. She even started to find herself missing Bucky while catching up with him.

She shook off the feeling. It had to be a natural way to feel, she and Bucky had known each other their whole lives, and this was their first time actually talking in over a year.

When the party was starting to dwindle down, Elizabeth felt it was the right time to go home.

"I'm going to get going," she said to Steve, going to hug him goodbye.

"Thanks for coming," he smiled into the hug, "Did you drive here?"

"No, I walked," she informs him, "One thing about the west coast, most things aren't in walking distance."

"Right, I suggested walking somewhere once to my roommate, and he looked at me like I was crazy," Steve laughed.

"Will you be alright walking on your own?" He asked.

"I've done it many times before," she said.

"Hey man, I'm gonna take off," Bucky walks over interrupting their conversation.

"Perfect, Liz was just leaving as well, maybe you can give her a ride," Steve suggested.

"Oh, I actually walked here," Bucky tells him.

"Even better, so did she," Steve smiled proudly.

"You okay with that?" Bucky turns to Elizabeth. He wanted to make sure he wasn't overstepping any invisible boundaries.

"Yeah, I mean we both are heading to practically the same location," she shrugs her shoulders.

Both of them finished saying their goodbyes and began their walk back home. This was the first time they've been alone in way over a year. No party or people to come join in on the conversations. Just Elizabeth and Bucky.

Elizabeth glanced up at the sky, as they walked. Brooklyn was abnormally quiet that night. I was so peaceful, she couldn't help but take it all in.

"I've missed Brooklyn," she says just above a whisper as to not disturb the peacefulness of the night.

"It's missed you," Bucky confesses looking right at her.

Elizabeth was taken back by his response, she glanced to her left to see Bucky staring right at her. She stopped walking. She couldn't pinpoint what she was feeling in that moment.

Bucky panicked, "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," he apologized.

Elizabeth remained quiet. Trying to process it all. Whatever move she mad will have some sort of lasting affect on both of them.

"If you want to walk ahead I understand," he says, "I'll wait here for five minutes before I begin walking again."

Elizabeth stared into those sad blue eyes. The eyes that always found their way back to her. Maybe this time everything would be different, she thought.

"Elizabeth," Bucky quietly calls, carefully placing his hand on her's. She snapped out of her thoughts, and instantly laced her fingers through his.

"It's all good," she smiled giving his hand a reassuring squeeze, "Let's continue walking."

Bucky couldn't fight the smile growing on his face, as they continued to walk hand in hand.

Once they had reached Elizabeth's house, they stopped outside of the the gated yard.

"So," Bucky said as they stood outside the gate, still holding hands.

"So," Elizabeth smiled, subtly biting her lower lip, "Do you want to come inside for a bit? My parents won't be back until tomorrow morning."

Elizabeth had no idea what came over her to invite Bucky inside. She knew it wasn't a harmless invitation. They both knew what would happen once that front door closed.

"God, I'm going to regret this later," Bucky mumbled, causing Elizabeth to be confused.

"As much as I would love to go inside," he carefully began, "and trust me Elizabeth, there's nothing I would love more. I just have to say no."

"Oh," she said feeling utterly rejected. She wasn't expecting that response.

"Please don't take it as a rejection," he quickly said, grabbing her other hand, "I really want to give us another try. And in order for that to work, I think it's best if we don't rush into it. Because we both know once that door closes, taking our time will go right out the window. And I don't want to screw this up, again.

"I love you, Elizabeth. I never stopped. So please, please know I want to prove to you how much I love you by taking our time. Getting to re-know these new versions of ourselves."

Elizabeth was shocked. Not in a bad way. Bucky has really grown up this past year. Everything he was saying made sense. Yet she still couldn't help but feel sort of disappointed.

"Okay," she smiled, "You're right let's take this slow. Start fresh."

"Thank-you for understanding," he smiled, proud of himself for having some willpower, "Can I take you out tomorrow night?"

"Yes, I would like that."

"Does seven work for you?"

"Seven is good," she nodded her head.

"Perfect, I'll see you at seven," he kissed her cheek before dropping her hands and walking across the street to his own house.

Elizabeth went inside and headed to her own bedroom. She flopped down onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling. She pulled out red phone and immediately called Wanda, placing the phone on speaker and putting it next to her head on her pillow.

"You're not getting laid," Wanda greeted.

"Hey, I tried," Wanda defended.

"Wait, really?" Wanda sounded surprised, "You tried having sex with Steve?"

"Not with Steve," she hesitated for a second.

"Please don't tell me," Wanda groaned already knowing who she was talking about.

Elizabeth remained silent.

"Did you try to have sex with James?" Wanda asked needing verbal confirmation.

"Yes," Elizabeth admitted, "Everything went great at Steve's. Bucky and I spent most the night catching up and just talking. It made me realize how much I missed him. Also wan't bad that he somehow got better in the last year. We then walked home together, and when we got to my house, I invited him inside."

"Look at you taking initiative!" Wanda cheered.

"Yeah, well I didn't have the lucky red dress to take it all the way."

"What happened?"

"He turned me down," Elizabeth confessed.

"What?" Wanda yelled, "He turned you down!"

"He actually had a good reasoning for turning me down."

"Which was?"

"He wants to take this slow," Elizabeth tells her, "He said he wants us to get reacquainted with each other. Get to know who we are now, as oppose to who we were. He doesn't want to ruin it."

"I mean it does make sense."

"He also might've said he still loves me," Elizabeth quietly said the last part.

"He still loves you?" Wanda gasped.

"Yeah."

"How do you feel about that?" Wanda curiously asks.

"Honestly," Elizabeth pauses, trying to get her thoughts under control, "It made me happy to hear."

"Do you still love him?"

"Yes?" Elizabeth said unsure, "Based on the way I felt tonight? Yes I still do."

"Based on before tonight?" Elizabeth questioned.

"I always kept Bucky in the farthest corner of my mind. You know," she says, "He had hurt me so bad that after I forgives him, I just kind of wanted to move on from it all.

"I didn't want to take that kind of energy with me to Stanford. But once I was back, here in Brooklyn, all these feelings kept creeping back. And I don't know if it's cause I'm back home, and it's this familiar type of love. Bucky was always my comfort. He played such a big part of my life. The good, and the bad. How does one forget all that?"

"Is it a bad thing to say that I knew he'd come back to me?" Elizabeth expresses.

There was a pause on the other side of the phone.

"No," Wanda finally spoke, "What you two had isn't something that can be easily erased. But..."

"But?"

"I know you've said you've forgive him for cheating on you," Wanda says, "and I do believe that you have. But do yo think you can actually put that behind you once everything starts back up again. Will you be able to look at him as your partner and not second guess whatever he tells you.

"And I don't meat to be harsh here, but I also think it's important to be realistic about it all. Because when summer ends you'll be back here, at Stanford. While Bucky stays there."

Elizabeth takes a moment to think through everything Wanda has said. She knows what she's saying isn't without reasons. Elizabeth had told Wanda everything that had happened, so of course she was only looking out for Elizabeth.

But the Bucky Elizabeth saw tonight was definitely not the Bucky she had left last fall. And it might be naive of her to think, but she knew him. She knew he wasn't a bad person. Even good people make mistakes. She knew she should have to do this for herself, no matter how many people thought it was a bad idea.

"I don't want him to haunt all of my 'what ifs'," she spoke, "This is something that I have to give another shot. Even after everything he's put me through, I do still love him Wanda. I can't just give up this chance at love."

"Like I said before, this is your life," Wanda says, "You gotta do what's best for you and only you know what that is. And you know I will always be here for you. You're stuck with me for life."

Elizabeth had never felt more relieved, she knew she didn't need Wanda's blessing, but to have it was nice.

___________________

Over the next month, Elizabeth and Bucky had been on many dates. This whole getting to know each other again was going really well. They had also both agreed not to be exclusive. It didn't make sense to rush into putting a label on it.

After the first two weeks they both started to get busy. Bucky was taking three fast track classes during the summer, so he was busty during the week, going from school then back home.

Elizabeth had gotten a summer job at a dental office. She was hired to help with scheduling appointments, and filing paperwork. The job paid more than any usual summer job an almost 19 year-old with hardly no experience could get. She had previously tutored for the doctor who owned it kids. So when she heard Elizabeth was looking for a job, she offered it to her on the spot.

She couldn't complain, yes some days were longer than others, but the money was good and she had the weekends off, which now were the only times she and Bucky were able to see each other.

It was another long day of work, and Elizabeth had spent the day dealing with unruly patients. All she wanted to do was take a bath, have pizza, and crash. But she then remembered she and Bucky had a date planned for that evening. She glanced at the clock on the wall. He would be here in an hour.

As much as she wanted to go out, she really didn't have the energy to. Plush, she didn't really want to see anyone.

She pressed the call icon next to Bucky's name on her phone.

"Hey Liz," he greeted. Bucky and everyone else back home had gotten into the habit of calling her by her new 'grown-up' nickname.

"Please don't be upset," she says.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Is it alright if we reschedule tonight's date," she says, "I just got home from work and I had a long day of dealing with rude people."

"Yeah of course," he tells her, he could hear just how exhausted she was, "Do you want me to bring over some food? We could could always have a night in."

"Thanks Buck, but I really just want to be along for the night," she tells him as she made her way into her room, "Is that okay?"

"Of course," he assured her, "I completely understand. I think Steve has the night off anyways, so think I'll head to his place for the night. Do you want to grab some lunch tomorrow during your lunch break?"

"That sounds perfect," she smiled, "Thanks again Buck."

"No worries. Have a good night."

"You too, tell Steve I said hi," she hung up the phone.

As she went to go put her bag down on her desk, her phone began to ring.

"Hey Wanda," she tiredly greeted her friend.

"Hey, everything okay?" Wanda asked, immediately sensing Elizabeth's mood.

"Just a long day, what's up?" She yawned.

"Just calling to ask you something."

"What's that?"

"You can say no first of all," Wanda clarified, "So I just got off of the phone with Thor and i was telling him about how I will be visiting you next week or the 4th of July, and well he kind of asked if he can come to New York as well."

"Oh," Elizabeth said, not expecting to hear that, "Are you asking for my permission, if your boyfriend can come?"

"Not my boyfriend, yet" Wanda sighs, "But yes. I guess he was also talking to Steve about visiting. He won't need to stay at your place either."

"Wanda, you don't have to ask me," Elizabeth assures her, "If Thor wants to come visit, he's more than welcomed to. I don't mind at all. Plus it'll be nice to see him."

"Oh, thank god," Wanda sighed in relief, "I just didn't want you to think that I don't want to spend time with you, because I do. I just don't want to be one of those girls that sneakily brings her boyfriend on a girl's trip. But don't worry, Thor is going to be doing his own thing with Steve. I am all your's for the weekend.

"Wanda it's okay. I know you aren't one of those girls. If you do become one of them, I'll make sure to save you."

"You're the best Liz," Wanda smiled, "Wait don't you have a date with Bucky tonight?"

"Not anymore, I cancelled," she says, "Too tired, Just want food and sleep."

"Ahh well, I'll let you go, enjoy your food and sleep, and I'll see you next week."

Elizabeth hung up the phone and decided to take advantage of the quiet house and take a bath before her parents got home from work.

As she entered her room, wearing a robe and her hair up in a towel, her phone began to ring.

"So much for a quiet time," she sighed, picking up the phone.

"Hey Steve what's up?"

"Sorry to bother you, I know you've had along day at work, but Bucky just bailed on me, something to do with Rebecca," he tells her, "And I'm outside of his house with a large pizza, and I don't want it to go to waste."

The other line went dead, Steve looked down at his phone to see that Elizabeth had hung up the phone. He hesitated for a second, thinking he should've just went home. As he was about to start his car up again, he heard his name being called. He looked across the street to find Elizabeth standing in her front door, in nothing but a robe.

"It better be a pepperoni pizza," she called out.

He laughed, and got out of his car with the large pizza in hand, "Only the best kind."

She moved out of the way to let him into the house, and lead him into the living room.

"Okay I'm going to head upstairs and put some clothes on," she says, "Make yourself at home, you know where everything is at."

"Sorry again about the drop in," Steve apologized once Elizabeth came back down with a fresh pair of clothes and hair brushed through.

"No worries, sorry Bucky bailed," she said sitting down next to Steve on the couch, "But his loss, is my pizza gain."

They spent the next hour devouring the pizza and watching a movie.

"So I hear Thor is visiting next week," she says, as she places her empty plate inside the empty pizza box, before making herself comfortable on the couch.

"Yeah, actually I wanted to talk to you about that," Steve says adjusting himself to face Elizabeth to his right, "Thor's parents have a house in the Hampton's, and they said we could use it for the 4th of July weekend. Not sure if you and Wanda already had plans, but you guys are more than welcome to join us."

"That sounds like a lot of fun. I'm sure Wanda wouldn't mind either," she smiled, "Plus I have never been to the Hamptons."

"Then it's settled, weekend at the Hamptons," Steve smiled, "I believe Loki and Scott will be joining us as well. Bucky is also inviting his roommate Sam, and I was planning on inviting some of the kids we went to school with."

"Sounds like a party."

____________________

Elizabeth and Wanda drove up to East Hampton together. The boys drove up the night before to get everything set up.

"So how are things between you and Bucky?" Wanda asked lowering down the volume.

"Things have been okay," Elizabeth sighed, as she kept her eyes ahead as she drove.

"Just okay?" Wanda asked, "A month ago you couldn't stop talking about him. What changed?"

"We haven't had much time together the last week or so," Elizabeth says, "and he's been cancelling a lot on me this past week."

"Did you say he was taking summer courses?"

"Yeah," Elizabeth nodded.

"Then he's probably just busy," Wanda reassures her, "Now, look at it this way. You'll have four days to catch up. Plus, you'll have the lucky red dress."

"We're taking it slow, remember?"

"It's been a month and a half. Have you guys even kissed?" Wanda playfully joked.

"He wants to take it slow," Elizabeth quietly repeated.

"Wait!" Wanda yelled startling Elizabeth.

"Geez Wan, I'm driving!"

"You guys haven't even kissed yet!"

"He wants to take it slow!" Elizabeth yelled back.

"There's slow and then there's being a fucking nun. Is he a nun?"

"I don't know what you want me to say. It's not for lack of trying," Elizabeth stressed, "I've tried. Believe me, I've tried."

Wanda remained quiet, causing Elizabeth to get an unsettling feeling in her stomach.

"Why are you so quiet? You're never this quiet. Ever."

"I'm just thinking," Wanda says.

"Well please do share your thoughts."

"You guys haven't even kissed, does that not worry you?"

"Yes," Elizabeth confessed, "Of course it does."

"Do you think," Wanda pauses, "Now don't freak out when I ask this because we don't want to die, and we also don't know what's going on. But do you think he's seeing someone else?"

"I haven't even thought of that," Elizabeth says.

Wanda glances over and notices the far off look in Elizabeth's eyes.

"You know what, that wasn't a logical explanation," Wanda says trying to bring back her spiraling friend, "I'm sure Bucky is just busy."

"Yeah," Elizabeth agreed, but not really believing any of it.

____________________________

The girls arrived to the house an hour later, it was barely going to be noon. The rest of their car ride was no longer filled with talks of relationships, but just spent listening to music, and discussing plans for their new apartment. When they pulled up, they were in awe of the beautiful house. There was already two cars in the driveway, one belonging to Steve, and the other must've been Loki's rental. "How much money do those Odinsons have?" Wanda stated looking up at the house. The house was a white modern looking two-story farmhouse. The two car drive way, looked like a mini version of the house. It looked homey. "You're here!" They heard a booming voice yell, as they exited the car. They looked up to the front door to see Thor fast walking his way over to them. He quickly made his way to Wanda and took both girls by surprise by picking her up and kissing her. At least someone's getting kissed, Elizabeth thought smiling at how happy her best friend looked. "Hello to you too," Wanda smiled, once they pulled apart. "I've missed you," he grinned, placing her down gently, "Hi Elizabeth." "Hi Thor, nice to see you," she greeted him, as she opened the trunk of her car to get the bags out. "Here let me get those," he said, grabbing both suitcases from the trunk, "The boys are out back in the pool." Thor showed both girls to their room first before walking them out to the back to greet the rest of the boys. "Lizzy! Wanda!" Loki shouted, running over to both girls and throwing his arms around them both. "Finally some estrogen to balance out all of this testosterone," he whispered in their ears, causing both girls to giggle. Once they pulled apart they were greeted by Loki's boyfriend Scott Lang. "Hi Scott," both girls greeted, hugging him as well. Elizabeth looked past the patio area to the backyard, where the pool was placed in the middle of nothing but grass. A typical Hamptons backyard. She saw Steve, Bucky, and who she assumed to be Bucky's roommate Sam, emerging from the pool. "Hey, you guys made it," Steve smiled. "All in one piece." "Barely," Wanda whispered to Loki. "This is Wanda, my roommate from Stanford," she introduced, "Not sure if you met back then. Wanda this is Steve, and Bucky, and Sam, right?" "Correct," Sam answered extending his arm out to shake their hands, "Sam Wilson, the person who's had to put up with Bucky for almost a year." Elizabeth laughed, "So sorry you've had to deal with that." "Ha ha funny," Bucky rolled his eyes, shaking Wanda's hand. He looked over at Elizabeth about to go in for a hug, but stopping once he realized he was wet from the pool. He gave her a smile, and she returned it. "Oh, I forgot. Happy birthday Steve," Elizabeth announced, "I would hug you but your wet." "Thanks, Liz," he smiled. Elizabeth glanced over at Wanda who was raising her eyebrows teasingly. Elizabeth shook her head. "So what time is everyone arriving?" She asks. "We told everyone two," Loki said, "the catering staff should be hear soon. "Catering?" Wanda asked. "Our parents insisted, seeing as last time Thor tried to have a barbecue he almost burned down the house," Loki explains to them. "He's pretty and smart, he doesn't have to cook," Wanda defended him, "Also helps that he has a big di-" "Okay," Elizabeth clapped her hands interrupting Wanda from finishing that sentence, "We're going to go get ready." "We'll join you," Loki said, with Scott behind him following the girls upstairs to their shared room. "So that's Bucky?" Loki asked, throwing himself onto one of the beds while Scott closed the door behind them. "Yup." "He's hot," Scott stated. "Don't start fawning over him," Wanda raises her hand, "He hasn't even kissed her yet." "What?" Loki and Scott gasped. "Are you going to be telling everyone that?" Elizabeth asked, heading into the en-suite bathroom. "You brought the red dress right?" Scott asked Wanda, already knowing all about her lucky red dress. "Yes, nobody worry," Wanda says pulling out the red dress, "Our dear sweet Lizzy will be getting at least some action tonight. Even if it's the bare minimum."

__________________________

The party was going great, everyone had invited a mixture of friends. Some were from Elizabeth's high school, some of them had grown up with Thor and Loki. It was a good mix of people. And everyone was having a great time.

In the car ride Elizabeth had been nervous after her conversation with Wanda about Bucky, but all those worries went away once she had made her way back down after getting ready.

Bucky hadn't left her side, since then, and he was being more openly affectionate than before. There was still no kiss, but Elizabeth didn't have a doubt in her mind the night wouldn't be ending without one, maybe even a little more.

Thank you lucky red dress.

It was around eight pm when Thor suggested they start doing the fireworks, everyone in the neighborhood had started to as well. So everyone made their way into the front yard, some in chairs, some on the grass, and some just standing around.

Elizabeth was sitting on the lawn, looking up at the lit up sky. She looked to her right to see Steve admiring all the colors, she softly smiled at him and the way he looked so content and happy.

She looked to her left to find the spot Bucky was just at a minute ago empty. She took a quick look around and couldn't see him, she shrugged it off just assuming he was somewhere nearby or in the house. She knew he had difficulties with large crowds and sometimes he just needed to step away.

After twenty minutes, Bucky still wasn't back.

"Hey Steve, I'll be back, I'm going to go check on Bucky," she tells him before heading back into the house.

The house was quiet, since everyone was outside watching the fireworks. She checked the back and all of downstairs but couldn't find Bucky, even the catering crew were outside watching the fireworks.

Elizabeth headed upstairs, thinking Bucky probably went to find peace in his room. Bucky and Sam were sharing a room for the weekend, it was the first one to the right once you reached the top of the stairs.

As soon as Elizabeth reached the final step, the bedroom door opened up. She smiled thinking Bucky was going to walk out, but the smile dropped when she was greeted by not Bucky but Natasha Romanoff walking out.

Natasha hadn't noticed Elizabeth yet, she was smiling at the person walking out right behind her.

Bucky had a huge grin on his face, his hair was a mess and so was Natasha's. His smiled instantly dropped and his eyes widen once he noticed Elizabeth frozen at the top of the stairs.

So much for a lucky dress...

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thelovelylolly · 4 years

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Savior

Summary : You’re a young princess, about to be crowned queen. You are being trained by your father to take over his role of ruling your home planet and since he was being protected by jedi, you were as well. Your father held a ball the night before your coronation and through out the night, a certain jedi master caught your eye. But during the ball, something goes wrong and causes the jedi to become your savior.

Warnings : None!

Notes : I just love to imagine obi wan saving me, it’s kinda romantic, y’know? Also the ending kind of got away from me. Also also, I may make a sequal if requested or if this does well. Hope you enjoy!

As your ladies in waiting put the finishing touches on your outfit for the ball, your father continued to quiz you on all the things you should know before becoming queen.

“...and you will make regular trips to Coruscant to attend senate meetings. You will be assigned a jedi guard each trip, probably the same one each time. Tonight there will be jedi guarding the ball, there you can meet some.” You father says, finally done talking.

You turned around from your mirrors to face him. Your light grey ball gown fitted you perfectly, the skirt being just right. It had silver details and accessories with it. The dress had a ball gown skirt with a off the shoulder neck line, giving off a amazing silhouette. Your father went over to a dark brown box and opened in. Inside was the crown you wore since you were a child. It was dainty but had many jewels on it. Your father came back over and you knelt before him so that he could place the crown on your head.

Once he did, you stood back up and gave him a smile. He dismissed your ladies in waiting as his eyes teared up. “You’re so beautiful, dear. Your mother would be so proud.” He said, placing his hands on your shoulder.

“You remind me everyday, dad. I still couldn’t have done it without you.” You replied, giving him a tight hug which he returned. The two of you pulled away, ready for the ball.

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The ball was going smoothly. You had to sit through many conversations with boring senators and people of your court. But through out the evening, a jedi guard caught your eye. And it just so happens you caught his.

Obi-Wan had seen you walked into the room with your head high and a soft smile on your face. He had heard about you but had never saw you in person. You enchanted him, his gaze kept on you most of the knight. “Master! Are you staring at the princess?” Anakin, Obi-Wan’s padawan, asked.

Obi-Wan felt his face heat up. “No. I am not, Anakin.” He denied. Anakin rolled his eyes and walked away, leaving Obi-Wan stationed near the two thrones at the end of the room. He had lost sight of you but when he did find you, you two locked eyes.

Obi-Wan looked at you and you froze, keeping your eyes on him. Then you realized what was going on and looked away, you face red. “Darling are you alright? You face is very red.” You father asked once he finished his conversation with some senators.

“Yes, dad.” You replied, giving him a smile.

“Good, shall we take our seats?” You nodded at your father’s question and took his arm. The two of you walked over to the thrones, where Obi-Wan was stationed. You lifted your skirt a bit so you could walked up the few steps that led to your throne. You reached the top of the four stairs and when you put your foot down, you felt the tile dip down like a pressure plate.

You were confused but soon your confusion turned into terror. The tile was rigged to explosives placed near the door to the room and you just so happened to set them off. Panic spread through the room as you and your father turned around to see what was happening. Obi-Wan and Anakin sprung into action, protecting the senators and looking around for any suspicious people.

Your father and yourself walked backwards towards your thrones when your father stepped on another rigged tile. This time the explosives were a few feet away from your thrones. You lost your grip on your father and were blasted forwards to the dance floor. You were winded from landing on your stomach.

Everyone were loud and trying to leave as more, slightly smaller explosions were going off. Dust and rubble filled the room, causing you to cough and push yourself onto your knees. “Dad?!” You yelled into the dust, rubble and screams.

Another explosion went off near you and you looked towards the sound. It had hit a pillar which caused the pillar to start falling towards you. You were frozen with fear, thinking you were about to die. But a certain Jedi Master saw you just in time.

He ran and grabbed you right before the pillar fell. The two of you sat a few feet away from the fallen pillar, catching your breaths. “Where’s my father?” You asked, meeting his gaze.

“Anakin and I have been evacuating everyone but we haven’t seen him. He might still be in here.” Obi-Wan replied, trying not to think of the worse. He quickly got up and helped you up.

The two of you carefully ran to where your father could be and started searching. You found a small pile of rubble and started pulling bits and pieces off the pile. You saw a your father’s face after removing a few pieces. “Obi-Wan! Help me!” You yelled, trying to remove the rubble but your vision was blurred with tears from fearing the worse.

Obi-Wan saw your struggle and lifted his hand, the force lifting the rubble away. “Help me carry him.” Obi-Wan said. The two of you lifted your father up and quickly escaped the room, Anakin not far behind.

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You were biting your nails as the white med bay lights shined on your unconscious father. You were sitting next to his bed until he woke up. The second explosion had bruised your back but other than that, you were surprisingly fine. Obi-Wan and Anakin brought you and your father to Coruscant where the chancellor gave you a penthouse to stay in while your father stayed in the hospital for politicians and higher up officials.

You were barely even in your penthouse, spending all the time you could next to your father. You already lost your mother, you were not losing him.

A nurse walked into the room, clearing her throat to make her presence know. “Your highness, Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi wants to meet with you at your penthouse. He sent me to inform you.” The nurse said, her tone sweet and soft. You nodded and looked at your dad.

“If my dad wakes up, alert me immediately.”

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It was a short trip from the hospital to your penthouse. You arrived and took the elevator up. You penthouse took up a entire level so when the elevator doors opened it was your front door. You opened it, not bothered to lock it at all.

Sitting on the couch, Obi-Wan was waiting with his brown robe laid on the back. He looked over to you and butterflies swarmed in your stomach. You hid your small crush and sat across from him. “You wanted to see me, Jedi Master?” You said, crossing your legs like you would on your throne.

“Yes. How are you and your father? I’ve been slightly worried since that night.” Obi-Wan asked. Could he have feelings for you? You dismissed the thought, remember that jedi couldn’t have attachments.

“I’m fine. My father is still unconscious but the doctor said he should be awake soon.” You replied. Silence sat between you two for a few minutes as you got lost in each other’s eyes. Until you cleared your throat. “Would you like some tea?” You asked.

Obi-Wan nodded and you walked over to the kitchen, preparing some water, cups and tea bags. “I never got to thank you. You saved my life.” You called from the kitchen.

“It was my duty, your highness. I was assigned to protect you.” Obi-Wan called back. You smiled to yourself as your prepared two cups of tea on a tray and some sugar and cream along with it.

You walked out with the tray and sat it on the small table between the two couches. You sat where you were before and took your cup of tea, cream and sugar already in it. Obi-Wan stirred in some sugar and cream and brought it to his mouth, taking a careful sip.

You sat there and let the tea cup warm your hands. You stared down into the cup, seeing the tea settle from swirling. For some reason, the butterflies from earlier didn’t go away. You quickly glanced up and saw Obi-Wan looking at you, taking another sip from his tea. Your face flushed and you took a quick sip of your tea. “Are you alright, princess? You look red.” Obi-Wan asked.

You nearly choked on your tea. “Y-yes, master Kenobi.” You replied. You had to admit, when he said your title, it made you fall for him more.

Obi-Wan heard your thoughts through the force and smirked, bringing the cup back up to his lips. After taking a sip, he set the cup down on the table and crossed his legs. “You do know that jedi can hear your thoughts through the force, right, dear?” Obi-Wan asked, catching you off guard.

“U-uh.” You stuttered, completely embarrassed.

Obi-Wan stood up and put his robe on. “I’m afraid I must be going, princess. Thank you for your hospitality and the tea. Oh! And one more thing.” Obi-Wan said, stopping himself before he left. You set your tea down and looked at him. He simply walked over to you and tilted your head up. “I know jedi aren’t suppose to have attachments but I’ll make an exception, darling.”

You were a blushing mess. So you did what you wanted, not caring. You quickly leaned forward and kissed him. Obi-Wan didn’t pull away, rather he kissed back. After a few moments, the two of you pulled away. “Meet me here tomorrow at this time.” You said, smiling.

“Of course, your majesty.”

And with that, Obi-Wan left your penthouse.

#obi wan kenobi x reader #obi-wan x you #obi-wan x reader #obi-wan imagine #obi-wan #obi-wan kenobi #obi-wan fic #star wars #star wars x reader #star wars x you #obi wan kenobi x you #x reader #imagine #i love imagining being saved by space jesus! dont you?#i love obi wan kenobi so much #obi wan kenobi x royal reader

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solesurvivorpaigeargot · 3 years

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Planning Better

Hokay friends, today has been... a thing. Not an in-all bad thing, but it has been a grade-A THING, and now that my meds are starting to kick in I'm realizing I've been blindly pushing forward through exhaustion and stress, trying to keep to the routine because when I feel like I'm losing control I tend to 'pick a spot on the horizon' [a singular task to focus all my effort on and continuously return to when my brain wants to bounce ALL OVER THE PLACe]... but today is not a day for arting. The movers happened, my friends are here, we're starting to unpack and I realize I can't not be involved when it's happening in the same room as me.

SO! Here's the plan.

I'm gonna take today to be with my hubby and my friends-- unpack some boxes, get stoned, watch a movie, play some games. Tomorrow I shall get started on the Sketchy Goodness-- starting my day as I should; with my meds on time and a proper meal. The askbox will still close at 6 PM tonight, so if you haven't gotten your request in yet, I suggest you do that. There's a link in my pinned post <3 The cut off for sketchies, however, will be at 8 PM on Sunday night, or when my hand starts to hurt, whichever happens first.

I thank everyone for being patient this weekend. -Loor

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marcholasmoth · 3 years

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OSRR: 2534

i'm getting to bed early tonight because i didn't take my meds today so i could fix my awake hours so i can function like a human should? but idfk if that'll work at all so let's just watch and find out, shall we?

today i grumbled and was in actual physical pain because i couldn't stop being bored or some shit, because i have an incredibly hard time getting to work on my shit that it is physically painful for me to try and force myself.

but that's what i have in store for tomorrow. more forcing myself to try and get shit done because i'm a fucking disaster. i hate everything about it.

and i finally heard from joel, he seems to be alive. i wanna go see him tomorrow.

but i really should sleep so i can fix my life. ugh.

#molly rambles #operation srr #osrr #2000s #2500s #sunshine boy

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christalpepsi · 4 years

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a bit for storage

I’m going to post a buncha my grey’s fic! Not everything is connected yet, I just write in bits and pieces. Alex Karev x OC (for now), loosely follows canon, just not izzie. Anyways this is what I got so far:

TW: depression, suicide, death

Selected bits from S1E1

Finally. Her first day. She was indescribably excited, but anxious thoughts kept invading her mind. She’d worked her ass off for this, and seeing it’s fruition as a residency at Seattle Grace was so rewarding. Well, until Dr. Webber killed the mood.

“Say hello to your competition. Eight of you will switch to an easier specialty. Five of you will crack under the pressure. Two of you will be asked to leave. This is your starting line. This is your arena. How well you play...That's up to you.”

What was this, a gladiator fight? Her brows furrowed, but as she glanced around, everyone was completely serious. Well, fight she would.

She zoned out, hoping she’d get placed with people she met at the mixer, as Webber started listing the interns and their assigned residents, until her name caught her attention.

“...Dr. Heather Palmer, Bailey. Dr. Isobel Stevens, Bailey…”

Someone nudged her from behind.

“Palmer, you got the nazi.” Great.

She didn’t wanna push the envelope on the first day, so she had brushed her curls out and slicked them back into the tightest ballet bun she could without giving herself a headache.

“You’re gonna be a suck up aren’t you? I can tell. Regular Mrs. Grundy.” Alex, another intern, snorted as she bobby pinned her bangs back. She glared at him, but he missed her stare as his eyes roamed over to Dr. Stevens.

The other interns muttered amongst themselves as Heather finished tying her shoes, trying to imagine what the “nazi” looked like. A short black woman walked in, and no one paid her much attention until she raised her voice.

“I have five rules. Memorize them. Rule number one, don't bother sucking up, I already hate you, that's not gonna change. Trauma protocol, phone lists, pagers. Nurses will page you, you answer every page at a run. A run, that's rule number two. Your first shift starts now and lasts forty-eight hours. You're interns, grunts, nobodies, bottom of the surgical food chain, you run labs, write orders, work every second night till you drop and don't complain!”

She rushed out of the locker room at a quick walk, and everyone scrambled to follow her. Slamming open a nearby door, she said flatly, “On call rooms. Attendings hog them, sleep when you can, where you can, which brings me to rule number three, if I'm sleeping, don't wake me, unless your patient is actually dying. Rule number four, the dying patient better not be dead when I get there, not only would you have killed someone, you would have also woke me for no good reason, we clear?”

Silence fell, and Heather and the blonde girl, Izzie, vigorously nodded their heads.

“Um, Dr. Bailey?” Heather said softly.

“Yes,” Bailey said, staring daggers.

“You said there were five rules? That was only four.” Dr. Bailey stared a hole through Heather, chilling her to the bone. Thankfully, Bailey’s pager started beeping.

“Rule number five. When I move, you move.”

“Nurses are the ones implementing most of our work, dickhead.”

“Whatever. Maybe you should’ve been a nurse then.” Alex grabbed his chart, and sauntered away.

“Palmer, what is it?”

“Pain, paresthesia, pallor, pulselessness, paralysis. Compartment syndrome.”

“So? Book an OR!” Bailey yelled.

“Oh! Right, booking a plastics OR for a fasciotomy.”

Selected bits from S1E3

Alex stormed into the locker room as Heather and Izzie were changing. “Morning, Dr. Model.”

“Dr. Evil Spawn.” Stevens deadpanned.

“Ooh, nice tat. They airbrush that out for the catalogs?”

“I don't know. What do they do for the 666 on your skull?” Heather snickered, earning a glare from Karev, but effectively shutting him up. As they finished clipping their badges on, Palmer turned to Izzie, lowering her voice a tad.

“Iz, I don’t blame you! If I was hot I would’ve done the same thing.”

“Oh, shut up, you’re so hot.” Izzie retorted.

“I’m not skinny blonde hot.” Heather crossed her arms.

“Whatever, sexy brunette goddess.”

She let out a giggle, pleased to have the complement returned.

“Are you guys gonna make out now, or what?” Alex interrupted. Heather scoffed, leaving the room with Dr. Stevens in tow.

Dr. Palmer’s patient was scheduled for a lap cholecystectomy at 3 that afternoon with gensurg, so she had time to kill. Heading for the locker room to grab her wallet, she overheard a raised voice. Walking in, she saw a crowd had gathered, and Izzie stood in her bra and underwear.

“Let's study them, shall we? Gather around and check out the booty that put Izzie Stevens through med school. Have you had enough or should I continue? Because I have a few more very interesting tattoos. You want to call me Dr. Model? That's fine. Just remember that while you're sitting on 200 grand of student loans, I'm out of debt.” Izzie yanked her clothes back on and stormed out of the room, nearly knocking Heather over.

Everyone awkwardly filed out, leaving Alex and Heather staring at each other from across the room.

“Where do you get off?” She sighed, leaving her wallet still in her locker, and left for the break room empty handed.

Additional Bits That I’m Working In

Sure, he was a whore, but...seeing him with the kids stirred something in her. It freaked her out. He was Alex Karev, Dr. Evil Spawn, cheater, syphilis giver, aloof, uncommitted, but stubborn, calm, steady, yet exhilarating, adroit, wry, and so clever. And so kind. So kind. He held the premie in his arms, a crooked smile on his face, and feeling her gaze, glanced up to meet Heather’s eyes. She lit on fire under that gaze.

“Palmer.” Addison’s voice brought her out of her thoughts, and she turned away, towards the direction of Addison’s call. Alex’s eyes followed her out of the room.

“So who’s going with Dr. Montgomery-Shepard?”

“I will!”

“Palmer, you’re in Peds or OB everyday. I’m putting you in cardio.”

“Damn it.” she muttered. Cristina’s mouth dropped open in offense.

“What? She’s crazy and ungrateful and-turning down cardio?”

“Yang, take her place in OB today.”

“For God’s sake…” Cristina huffed and went to find Addison, leaving Heather with Burke.

“Hey, Joe! How’s your day been?” Heather hopped up on one of the barstools, trying not to slouch due to lack of back support.

“Eh, so-so. Whatcha drinking?”

“Hm. I’m not sure,” she turned to her right. “Alex, what am I drinking?”

“We’re off tomorrow. Have some damn tequila, Palmer.” he said with a smirk.

“Don’t mind if I do. Could I get a flight, Joe?”

“Alright! Make sure you don’t die of alcohol poisoning, Dr. Grundy.” Alex jabbed her in the side, making her flinch. She whacked him on the back of the head teasingly.

“Here ya are, Dr. Palmer.”

“Joe, please, it’s Heather.”

He chuckled, heading down the row as she took her first shot.

“No chaser? You psycho. That’s pretty hot.”

“Yeah, I know.”

And him. Just standing there, arms crossed, chewing his Extra peppermint gum, not a care in the world. He was leaning against the nurses’ station, and she noted with envy the eyes that weren’t hers staring at him.

Just laying there, hearing Mere’s bedsprings, Izzie’s rustling, George’s soft snores...she was so alone. She had no reason to be. Full house, friends that cared for her...or did they? It’s not like they went out of their way to make plans outside of work, other than Joe’s, which wasn’t exactly the healthiest of bonding activities. But no one fought for her. She didn’t even fight for herself, and she could feel it again, the sinking. The numbness was settling in again. She stared at the ceiling fan, spinning, spinning, spinning.

“It’s depression! Just...it hurts all the fucking time, Alex! And I just, file it away, keep myself busy with work, with Joe’s, with you-”

“Oh, so I’m just here to keep you busy, is that it?”

“Isn’t that what you wanted? Just sex?”

“Shut up!” He took a ragged breath. “Please, just leave me alone, Heather.”

She pursed her lips. “If you wanted-I mean I-”

“I asked you to leave.”

Defeated, she met his eyes and turned back down the garden path to her car, careful not to trip in the dark. She wouldn’t be sleeping here tonight.

Izzie hadn’t moved from the bathroom floor in about 18 hours. Heather was inclined to go lay down with her, but it wasn’t her rotation yet. George was in there keeping her company for now.

“Who’s next?”

“Meredith. When I tried to kill myself, it was because I saw no way out.” She fiddled with the sheets of Meredith’s bed to be rid of some of the fidgety anxiety. “Just having to be mediocre, feeling I wasn’t important to anybody…” she trailed off, looking in Meredith’s direction. “Mere, you have so much. You have such a gift and I know you don’t want to hear this, but you can’t be so careless. There are people who care about you, people who love-”

“Okay, Palmer, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, I really do, sharing your trauma and all that, but I’m fine. Really. I didn’t try to kill myself, thanks.”

Heather sat there until Meredith raised her eyebrows, a clear order to get out. Turning the corner she ran smack into Karev, whose eyes were haunted.

“You tried to kill youself?”

“Ha. Yeah, big whoop.” She looked at him witheringly. Her facade fell when they locked eyes and she shrugged. “G’night, Alex.” She sidestepped him, heading to the elevator.

“Okay, but you can see us being endgame right?” Meredith asked again desperately.

“Mere, I’ve already told you, you and Derek, if you want to make it work, you have to put in the effort! It depends on you two, not some magical twist of fate.”

“God, if he so much as looks at me funny, I’m reporting for sexual harassment.”

“That’s what everyone says before they sleep with him.” Callie said wryly.

No. Because he had this thing with Rebecca. And she was supposed to be with Ben. But, God was it hard to give him space.

“Please…” tears shined on his face, and his nose had started to run, “Please, please, please…”

He grabbed her by the back of her neck, forehead to forehead, pleading. “Alex-”

“Please...” She wiped his tears away, but new ones replaced them just as quickly.

“Callie, oh my God! Congratulations!”

“Thank you, Heather! George and I just-did it!’

“Lexie! Wanna work with me today?”

“Oh my gosh, yes!”

Heather pulled her to the side. “Thank God, you’re my favorite. Don’t tell the others.”

He pulled her closer to him, as if that would save her from the water that poured into the elevator, soaking their scrubs through. Their shoes were squelching as they ran to dry land. Except, of course, there wasn’t any. The whole floor was flooded.

“Oh, God, it’s seeping through my socks.” Heather groaned.

“I can handle the mess.” Alex said softly. “You know that.”

“But- I’m so much. Alex, Mere thinks she’s all dark and twisty or whatever, but that’s nothing, not to invalidate her but, it’s nothing compared-”

He took her by the sides of the face, eyes open, honest.

“I said, I can handle it. Do you want this?”

Heather nodded, as a loss for words.

“Then bring it on.”

“Get a crash cart, dammit!” Heather yelled, voice cracking as tears spilled over. She met Alex’s eyes, just as glassy as hers, and he took over compressions.

Her knees buckled. She fell to the floor as if in slow motion. Izzie, first, now George. Not Georgie. Her 007, her Bambi. O’Malley. The pain was constant, unceasing. Because he really was gone. She imagined him, like he should’ve been the next day, new Army uniform, neat buzzcut...her head was too full; it was too much. Her body wouldn’t move, her mind was debilitated-then strong arms grasping her, meeting her here, on the floor.

“He was. George was hit by a fucking bus!” They burst out in laughter, trying to stifle any echos so passersby wouldn’t freak out.

The addition of Mercy West was hell on earth. Even just the loss of Izzie made the workload shoot through the roof.

#WIP #greys anatomy #meredith grey #alex karev #izzie stevens #oc #george omalley #fanfic #my writing #take it easy on me i haven't written in a while #i wanted to write what i know so i made her mentally ill hehe

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mollymarymarie · 5 years

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Come On Back To Me

I know, I know. This isn’t Wolfstar (which is, like 99% of what my life is made of), but my PSM (@sparrowof-thedawn) commissioned me to write some smut about Sam Kiszka (bass player from Greta Van Fleet), and I WENT OFF on it. I have a soft spot for boys in bands.

Obviously the smut means NSFW, so use caution, friends. Also, I go through a bit of set-up, so give it a minute.

“I don’t have time to think about it, that’s all there is to it,” you say with the smile that you were accustomed to plastering on, a smile that was becoming increasingly more common. A smile that covered the tired ache constantly hiding behind your lips.

“No,” your best friend, Casey replies with that sarcastic drip to her voice that assures you know she is about to side-step all your bullshit. “You’re not willing to make the time.”

You take a long sip of the Americano in your hand, rolling your eyes dramatically from across the table at Starbucks. The smile on your lips became a little more genuine. It had been weeks since the two of you had been able to spend any time together at all, both of you doing medical residencies in completely different cities. It was a stark and unwelcome contrast from your school days, when you spent nearly every waking hour together.

“Easy for you to say, you live with yours. He’s literally at arm’s length every time you turn around,” you say with a scoff in your tone. You would never undermine the struggle that Casey and her husband had gone through to be together, but she still couldn’t argue that point. She could sit there and tell you that you would find someone eventually, that you would settle down, that you would find happiness, but she had found hers relatively early. They had been together for so long, Casey didn’t even know what dating meant right now.

“I know,” she says, an irritated growl forming in the back of her throat. She knows she’s losing this argument, so she turns to sentiment to win. “You just can’t see what you have. You’re too focused on what you think other people think you lack.”

“Oh?” you laugh bitterly, throwing up a dark, high-arching brow in disbelief. Again, an easy point for her to make in defense. She wasn’t the one whose last relationship ended in flames because her boyfriend of two years decided the distance was too much and their history wasn’t enough. Granted, it had been over a year since they broke up, but the point remained.

“Yes,” she insists with an exaggerating hiss. “First of all, let’s ignore looks, shall we?”

“We’d have to,” you mutter into your paper cup.

“I heard that, shut the fuck up,” she quips immediately with a snap of her fingers, in some dangerous border between playful and murderous. “There is so much magic in you, fam. You graduated with a doctorate, so you’re hella smart. You give your best friend pep talks when she goes through her third nervous breakdown of the month. You continue to love with your whole life despite all the shit that people have given you,” she clears her throat and you hear the name of your ex not-so-subtly buried in the cough that followed. You roll your eyes again.

“Which doesn’t matter because all people see is this,” you say, gesturing down your torso with both hands. Across the table, Casey’s mouth snaps shut and her eyes narrow.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Everybody wants a skinny super model. And I am not.”

“Neither the fuck am I!” she shouts, gathering the attention of damn near everyone in the coffee shop with you. For an introvert, she tends to be rather vocal. “If you’re an eclectic taste, then so am I. Still a lot of people that have the tattoo stigma, you know.” Off-handedly, she brushes over the bursts of color inked across her shoulders.

“But that’s a choice you made. I didn’t make the choice to be my size.”

“Same, though?” she said, her features softening a bit. “Literally the only reason I’m sort of thin is because of the celiac with my total shit diet,” she says with a smirk. “But it also gives me really bad skin and this stupid belly pooch that I’ll never get rid of and super thin hair.”

“Which you can –”she interrupts your argument.

“You, on the other hand,” she leans in, placing her face into her hands, propped up on the tabletop. “Look at you. Curls for miles, dark and silky and defined. Hair that a guy could lose a hand in and would be grateful to.” With one hand, you subconsciously twirl your hair around it in a whirl before tossing it over your shoulder. “You skin is nearly flawless, dotted with freckles like the damn stars in the sky but twice as beautiful.” You could feel a blush creeping up from the base of your throat. Your platonic soulmate had always had a way with words. There’s a reason people mistake you for a couple, more often than not.

She continues. “Your lips are so much fuller than mine and when you put on that deep red color, Jesus H. Christ, if I was into girls.”

“You are into girls.”

“It’s a figure of speech.”

“You literally could’ve just said ‘if I was single’.” An expression crosses over her face, all pursed lips and puffed cheeks, like being single was so unrealistic of an option (she’s sickeningly in love with her spouse, it’s disgusting) that she hadn’t even considered that. In her defense, she had figured out the bisexual thing pretty late in the game, long after she was married.

“Shut up,” she laughs, high and bright. “The point is you are young and beautiful and you have time.” You open your mouth to argue, but she speaks first. “You will have time, after this residency. Literally the only time I see James right now is for dinner and sex.”

“Separately, I hope,” you laugh against the lip of your coffee cup.

“You’d be surprised and disgusted by how often they overlap,” she says, raising her left brow. It’s like a bizarre innuendo trademark. If she’s making a sex joke, that eyebrow goes up and it’s so sharply pointed that it just makes her expression look so much more scandalous.

“I don’t even want that. I’m not even interested in the sex. Just the company.”

“Bless your little grace soul. The company is the best part, anyway,” she says with a shrug, taking the last sip of her chai latte. “Speaking of company, you still talking to Sammy?”

You roll your eyes again, wondering if you could do permanent damage with how often you’ve used those muscles in the last ten minutes. “No, I don’t talk to Sam anymore.”

“Wait, wait, hold on. Since, uh, when?” she asks with a twirl of her finger.

“Do you know who Sam is now?” you say with a sarcastic huff. “He’s not Sammy Boy from undergrad anymore. He’s Sam Fucking Kiszka and he’s been on SNL and he’s touring with Greta and he’s probably with a different girl every night and those girls don’t look like me.”

“I swear to God, I’ll murder you in your sleep tonight if you keep this up.”

“You know what I mean.” Irritation seeps into your voice. You love your PSM, but she doesn’t get this. If anything, she was probably Sam’s type when you were all hanging out together in your little college town. Sure, there was that one night, but you were drunk, and Sam was drunk, and nothing happened. It certainly seemed that way the next morning, anyway, considering it was something that neither of you ever brought up again.

-----------------

“I’m gonna give you my love!” Sam was yelling-slash-singing Led Zeppelin at the top of his lungs again and if it wasn’t so damn adorable, it would be annoying. Hell, if it was anyone else, it would be annoying, but it’s Sam and, unfortunately for you, you’re rather smitten with Sam.

“I’m taking this away from you,” Casey whispers with a syrupy smile as she slipped the square bottle out from Sam’s fingers. He barely even noticed.

“Oh, let him sing. It’s our last night together,” you say with a sigh, trying not to focus too much on that part. Tomorrow, you’d be moving to a new town, a bigger town, to start med school and Sam and his brothers (including Danny) would be setting out on their first tour.

It was a pretty fucking big deal, actually. GVF had been getting a lot of attention lately, so this first tour was sort of a long-play audition for some big-shot record executive and, if they did well, they were golden. And you knew they would do well because that’s what they always do.

“Hang on, stop right there,” Sam calls out, buried somewhere in a laugh, “You hate my singing.” With that look on his face that often showed up in your dreams, Sam saunters over to you, one of his dark eyebrows raised to its full capacity, his ever-lengthening brown hair, streaked with highlights given to him by the sun, falling down over the sharp edges of his cheeks.

“I don’t hate it,” you say under your breath as you take another sip from the tumbler in your hand. It was more like a gulp. This close, Sammy tends to make you nervous.

“You really are going to miss me, aren’t you?” From where you’re leaning against the kitchen counter, Sam encircles you with his arms, holding himself just far enough away that you could still smell the whiskey on his breath, the floral notes from the product in his hair.

“I’ll hardly notice you’re missing,” you lie, blatantly.

“That’s not what Casey tells me,” he says under a knowing smirk and you shoot a glare at your best friend, who gives you a brazen wink in return, lip curled up and everything, just before she vanishes into the living room to find her significant other.

“Casey is a damn liar,” you reply with a laugh and try to ignore what looks like adoration in Sammy’s expression at the sound of happiness in your voice. You read too far into him.

“Who else is going to give you shit for getting the only A on a test that everyone else failed? And don’t say Casey because she wasn’t in that class or she would’ve had an A, too.” As he speaks, his arms curl in until he’s nearly pressed against you. God, you wish he would let go.

“What about you?” you strike back, poking him in the chest and wishing you could spread your fingers out over his sharply defined collarbones pushing back from beneath his shirt. “Who will be there to make fun of you for dancing to Whitney Houston when no one is watching?”

He wrinkles his nose at you, and you melt a little inside. “Whitney is an icon, alright?”

“So I’ll miss you. A little.” You roll your eyes. You do that a lot in Sam’s direction. “Not like you. You won’t even remember my name a month from now.” The playful spark in Sam’s eyes goes out like a doused flame. In fact, he physically startles a little, pushing back from you.

“Won’t even remember your name?” he repeats with what sounds like hurt in his voice, but you know better than that. You feel like you’re always giving Sam feelings that he doesn’t have for you, hearing intonations in his voice that aren’t there, reading into little things he does that probably don’t have meaning to him. “Is that what you really think of me?”

You backtrack a little, concerned with this change in mood. “You’ll be too busy to miss me, Sam. A different city every night, a different party every night, a different girl.” That last part, you add under your breath, certain he’s too drunk to catch it, anyway.

“You realize that outside of the band, you and Casey and James are my best friends, right? We’ve been friends for the last four years. But you think I won’t even remember your name.” He pushes away from you, storming around the kitchen as he drags his hands through his thick, wavy hair, and you’re left to stand in stunned silence. Sam doesn’t get angry. Not like this.

“It was a joke, Sammy,” you say, even though it certainly hadn’t been a joke when you said it. It was actually the worst of your fears and it had been consuming you for weeks.

“No, I think you mean that,” Sam says, his voice escalating a bit as he circles the island of your kitchen, hands still buried in his hand, coming back to where you’re still standing.

“Alright, maybe a little bit, but I mean,” a blush bubbles up to encompass your face, knowing what you’re about to say to this boy you’ve had a crush on for four years, “Look at you.”

Sam stops in front of you. Stares at you. You squirm a bit under it. “I’m too busy looking at you,” he retorts, his eyes traveling across the features of your face. You see them settling over a patch of freckles underneath your eye, following them over the bridge of your nose to the mirrored opposite side. His eyelashes are so long, so dark that when he lowers his head to look at you through them, it darkens his gaze, hollowing his warm brown eyes until his pupils look blown wide. This is the way you always imagined him looking at you, but never thought possible.

“Not much to see,” you reply, a defense mechanism. With a snarl, his lip twitches up over his canines, they glint in the low light of the kitchen, the moonlight coming in from outside.

“How are you so goddamn stubborn?” he huffs out, slipping his hand along your neck, underneath the curtain of your dark curls, his thumb settling over your windpipe. He leans forward, unsettling your lips with his own, just slightly. The bittersweet of the whiskey is still on his lips and, you find out, on his tongue, as he deepens the kiss and pulls you close.

But he’s right. You’re stubborn. You’re so stubborn, he’s too drunk, and you’re both leaving. Doing this now doesn’t mean a fucking thing. You pull away, cursing yourself. Cursing him for waiting this long. Cursing the universe for making him who he is and you who you are.

“Wow, you’ve had way too much to drink, Sammy,” you laugh off, playfully pushing him toward the living room, where you knew, by now, Casey and James had crashed on the couch. “I think you’d better sleep it off. I’ll see you in the morning.” Quickly, you escape to your bedroom, where you fully convince yourself that it could’ve been anyone. He would’ve kissed anyone.

You don’t cry, you don’t often give yourself that luxury, but you do let yourself take a mental catalogue of this taste in your mouth. Warm, sharp, aching. And so, so bitter.

----------------

The coffee date and the dinner and the shopping were over far too soon. Work started again the next morning, Casey was back in a town that was too fucking far away, and you were left in your one-bedroom apartment that felt too small and too big all at the same time.

Until your phone vibrated on the bedside table. In the dark, it lit up the whole room. Your cat scurried away from it in a panic from the unexpected noise it brought to the silence. For a moment, you considered just leaving it until morning. It most likely wasn’t work – this wasn’t your on-call weekend anyway. It could’ve been Casey, but she’d gotten home several hours before (which you knew because you always forced her to text when she made it).

Whoever it was could wait. For now, you just wanted to be alone. No, that wasn’t quite right. You wanted to be alone with someone, but there was nobody to be alone with. It was just you and you cat, Mickie, like it was every night, like it had been every night for almost a year.

Despite yourself, you glanced over. It was a Snap. That alone was enough to pique your interest. Casey hardly ever sent an unsolicited Snap (she only kept it because of you, and she only replied to keep up the streak), and there weren’t a lot of people who would send you a Snap at this hour (it was almost two in the morning) on a Sunday night.

Curiosity got the better of you. You unlock your phone and pull down the notifications bar. The Snap is from Sammy. Your thumb hovers over the notification for an embarrassingly long time. By then, it had been weeks since you last talked to Sam.

Against your better judgement, you open the Snap. Immediately, a soft smile rushes over your face, a blush trailing closely behind it. It’s Sam – a selfie of Sam on stage with the neck of his bass in one hand, the phone in the other, and a screaming crowd behind him.

The tagline reads, “Missing you more than you think.”

Goddammit. God fucking dammit. What the shit was he trying to do? You had already convinced yourself to forget about the kiss, to forget about your feelings, to forget about Sammy. He’d made it difficult – he kept in near constant contact with you since undergrad. It was going on five years later, and you still talked to him daily. Sometimes, it was only a text, sometimes it was only a picture, rarely there was a phone call (which were always very awkward because you’re good with words on a screen, but in person, not so much).

Every now and then, only a handful of times over the last five years, you and Sam got to see each other in person. Sometimes it was at a GVF show, sometimes it was with a group of friends. Once, he showed up at your apartment with no warning. That one was rough, but ultimately, nothing happened. Nothing ever happened. It had always never happened.

Finally, you had decided. It was enough. Nothing would ever happen with Sam. Maybe it would make you a bad friend for cutting off contact with him completely, but it was so fucking hard to talk to him every single day and not imagine what things could’ve been like if you hadn’t pushed him away that night. If he hadn’t left, if you hadn’t left. If you started something sooner.

The texts from Sam slowed to a stop, eventually. Until now. It was so frustrating, because you knew, absolutely, without a doubt, even if he remembered the kiss, it was just a kiss. No meaning, no feelings. Just a drunken kiss between two friends. That’s what it was to him.

You consider not replying. You consider removing him from your Snapchat. You even went so far as to consider blocking him. But you couldn’t do that. As hard as it was, you could never stop being in love with Sam. Oh, fuck. That’s what this is. You’re in love with him.

With a deep breath, you hold your phone out, the front-facing camera on, and you flick on the lamp next to your bed. In the low, yellow lamplight, you place your curls just right, tilt your head just right, open your mouth just enough, and snap. No filters, no fillers. Just you.

In the caption, you write: “Sorry for the radio silence. I miss you, too.” Send.

Even though his picture was from stage, you knew the show had long been over. You had an internal clock for what time of night he was usually on stage (most often so you would know when to expect a text or a call), and you faithfully followed the cities in the tour. Well, you used to. The tour he was on now was mostly a mystery ever since you’d cut him out of your life.

It’s mere seconds before you get a Snap back. This one is in real time. No stage, no lights, no fans. Just Sammy. His chocolate brown eyes look up, right into the lens of the camera, leaving you to draw in a sharp, unsteady breath. His hair is longer now, still kissed with sunlight, tossed in front of both broad shoulders. He’s wearing that same denim shirt from the night you kissed five years ago, but the top four buttons are open, showcasing the strong, sharp cords of muscle that run along his throat and meet in the center, just between his collarbones.

It reads: “God, it’s good to see your face.”

Fuck. This Snap was calculated. He sent this with purpose. He had to know what this would incite. Sure, that kiss hadn’t ended to anyone’s satisfaction five years ago, but he had to know, right? He had to know that you didn’t want to stop him that night, right?

Fuck it. Two could play at his game. With your heart beating in your throat, you crane your neck down into your pillow, arranging your curls to look artfully splayed around your temples, and you turn your head away from the camera, the collar of the T-shirt that you had fallen asleep in stretched out to give him a good view of the nape of your neck.

“Yours is still as cute as ever.”

This was a huge risk. In all the time that you’d known Sammy, you had never once admitted to anything. Never admitted that he was cute, never admitted to that kiss, never admitted to your crush. And you just had, accompanied by a slightly uninhibited photo.

His reply is immediate. The photo of him is hardly different, his eyes are a little wider, his brows are raised a little higher, his mouth is hanging slightly ajar. But it’s not the photo that catches your attention. It’s the message attached to it.

“I’m in town. Are you home?”

Oh, shit. Shit, shit, shit. You should have followed their touring schedule more closely, you would’ve been more prepared for this. Fuck. Your mind races through a thousand different scenarios. Is he reading into these Snaps the same way you are? Does he realize what a 2AM visit to a girl at her apartment alone implies? Sammy was always oblivious, but not that oblivious.

You Snap back a blank picture, a black screen of the inside of your palm. You’re losing your nerve a bit, but you still have the guts to reply, making every implication crystal clear.

“Home alone. Want to come over?”

Initially, your realization that you were gray-asexual was kind of a strange awakening, but it made absolute sense to you, once it was explained fully. And it fit. You don’t often experience a need for physical intimacy, not the way most people do. It comes and goes (sometimes at random), and you can usually take care of that rare need yourself and then get on with your life.

Except when it came to Sam. He was always the exception. Random men could express interest in you, in your body, and you remined neutral. There wasn’t that spark with them, with strangers. But that spark grew into a wildfire with Sammy. The more you knew about him, the more you fell in love with him, and the more you wanted from him. With him.

Your phone lights up the room again. You expected another Snap, but it’s a call. From Sammy. You answer without hesitating, anxious to hear what his voice sounds like, whether there’s an ache hiding in his throat, whether he sounds like he wants you like you want him.

“Hi, Sammy,” you say into the receiver. He breaths out.

“Hi,” he replies, all breath. “I’m three minutes away. I was going to wait until I got there, but I felt like I’d forget everything I wanted to say when I got there.”

“Everything you wanted to say?” you repeat carefully, hoping the things that he wanted to say aligned with the things you wanted to hear.

“I don’t know what I did, but I know I must’ve done something to make you stop talking to me. It’s a typical male cliché, I know, but I want you to tell me. I want to fix it.” There’s a whine in his voice that you’ve never heard before and, while you want to make it go away, you also really like the sound that it makes coming up from his throat.

“You didn’t do anything, Sammy,” you sigh into the phone, propping your head up in your head, your elbow buried deep in the pillow. “It was me. I had to stop.”

“If it was because of that kiss, I …” he trails off, as if unsure if he’s supposed to apologize for that night. “No, fuck that, I’m not sorry for that. I will say I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable, but I –” You try to interject, unsuccessfully.

“It wasn’t that, I just –”

“I won’t apologize for thinking about that kiss every night for the last 5 years.” You go quiet, listening to Sammy breathe raggedly on the other end. “But I need to know.” He pauses for such a long time that you would’ve thought the call disconnected, if not for the static in the silence and the breaths that filled the dead air. “Did I go too far that night?”

After barely a pause, you answer. “No.” But you can’t convince yourself to say more.

“Then why did you push me away?” That whine resurfaces in his voice and you want to say anything to make it go away, because right now, it sounds a lot like hurt.

“Because I didn’t think I could have you.” A deep breath passes through your lips as you close your eyes. This isn’t really the conversation you wanted to have with him just now.

“Was it because I was leaving? Because we were both leaving,” he tries to explain the frailty in that argument, and he was right. It hadn’t just been him that was leaving you back then.

“Yes, that, but …” Your voice trails off, not wanting to finish that thought. This is the part where everything gets awkward, because these aren’t things you ever wanted to admit to Sammy. You didn’t want to tell him that he was way out of your league, or that he deserved someone better than you, or that you weren’t sure you could always give him what he needed. Because, yes, Sam was your exception, and you wanted him in ways that you wanted nobody else, but it might not always be that way. Sammy deserved someone who wanted to give him everything, always, all of the time. No strings, no exceptions, no restrictions.

“But what?” he insists gently, and you realize you’re going to have to spell it out for him.

“Sammy,” you say, your voice quivering. “I’m not pretty enough for you.” An angry breath comes from Sammy’s end just before the line goes dead. You hold the phone out. Call ended.

An impatient knock at your front door sends panic into your chest and you try to ease your shaking hands, but it’s unsuccessful. As you make your way to the front door, you try to smooth out the curls of your hair, you tug at your T-shirt to cover more of your legs, even though you have a pair of shorts on underneath. Sammy hasn’t ever seen you like this and it’s terrifying.

The moment you unlock the door, Sam doesn’t hesitate. His hands are against your face and he’s pulling you against him, and you let him. God, you let him. His lips eagerly find their way to yours and his tongue follows quickly after, exploring and tasting and moaning.

Jesus, the sounds from his throat are indecent. Obscene. The sounds your mouths make together are explicit. As he crosses the threshold to your apartment, he kicks the door closed behind him and pulls you back with him, letting you press him against the door. At first, you stop yourself from putting all of your weight against him, you ease back, but he’s ten steps ahead of you, and he’s already considered everything that might hold you back.

His fingers bury themselves underneath the hem of your shirt, sliding up around your ribcage and he tightens his grip. Your feet unsteady underneath you and you fall into him. He doesn’t make a sound other than the satisfied hum escaping through your joined lips.

“God, your skin is so fucking soft,” he breaths into your mouth just before he violently pulls the shirt over your head, only to let his lips travel down the expanse of your neck. You tilt your head to let him at whatever skin he wants to put his mouth on.

It turns out, Sammy is keen to put his mouth on every possible inch of your skin. Without letting his mouth part from yours, he walks you back toward your bedroom, and the two of you trip on everything in the path there. With every stumble, Sammy laughs against your lips, both of you working on unfastening the buttons of his denim shirt. Eventually, he sheds it on your bedroom floor, and you let your hands explore the uncharted areas of his bare chest.

His eyes stay locked onto yours as he coaxes you onto the bed, where he kneels with one of your legs in between his. As he leans down to slip his tongue into your mouth again, you feel him pressed hard to your thigh, and he curves his hips up to get more friction.

When his lips move down, kissing along the edges of your black bra, he slips his hands underneath you, unclasping the hooks of that bra. As he starts to pull it away, you hold it to your chest, a bright pink blush blooming in your cheeks. His expression softens as he places his hand over yours, leaning down to place a delicate kiss to your nose.

“I don’t get it,” he says with a soft laugh. His hands, with yours inside it, move up, until he has them pinned above your head. “How do you not see what I see?”

“What do you see?” you ask, a hushed tone that doesn’t sound like your voice floats out.

A smile crosses Sammy’s lips as he pulls away the fabric concealing you, letting his eyes flutter down your bare chest. At the sight of your uncovered skin, he darts his tongue out to wet his lips before pulling his bottom lip into his teeth, his pupils dark and wide. His fingers follow the path that his eyes forge for them and you arch into his touch at your breast.

His eyes glance up to meet yours again. “I see skin that deserves to be kissed until it trembles underneath my lips. Skin that forms a beautiful shape with hills and valleys and stories and songs. Skin that holds the soul of the woman I have been in love with for longer than she would ever believe because she is so stubborn,” he smiles, peppering soft, tender kisses to the skin he so poetically described. “Christ, is she stubborn,” he laughs.

“No more than you,” you pout playfully as he works to remove the rest of your clothes and you’re much less reluctant to let him. When you are laid bare, he sheds his own clothes and you marvel at the sight of him, sun-kissed and naked and absolutely fucking magnificent.

“I meant what I said,” he croons, his voice dropping deep as he circles around to the foot of your bed, his eyes lit with a new fire. “That thing about trembling, you know.” As he climbs onto the bed, he pushes your legs apart, wider and wider, kissing up your inner thigh.

“Sammy,” you caution. In your last relationship, this had never been very successful for you. You were afraid that trend would continue, and Sammy would get frustrated over it.

“Please,” he breathed out, warm and wet against your skin, and just his breath against you made you shiver in anticipation. You nod in agreement, and he spreads you open even further. Almost timidly, he pushes the very tip of his tongue into the open space between your legs, soft and slow and careful, dragging the full breadth and width of his tongue behind.

“Oh,” you breath out indecently, a rattled breath from your lungs, as Sammy’s tongue reached the crux of his ascent. Just like he promised, you tremble underneath him.

“Oh, fuck,” he moans, gripping your calf and you can feel him arching his hips into the mattress for a little extra friction. “God, make that sound for me again.” With his tongue widened, he drags it along the entire width of you, dipping inside, curling and uncurling within, fucking you with his tongue. He moves out, circling your entire entrance with his tongue, dripping and scorching, before lazily running over your crux, slowly, slowly, slowly.

You make the sound for him again. And again. And again. Those sounds get louder as his tongue increases in speed, feverishly, furiously lapping at your skin, back and forth, up and down, making tight, wet patterns with his tongue until you’re ready to come apart.

“Fuck,” he mumbles again, into your skin, sending the vibrations of his speech into your very core, and he pushes his tongue in with them, deep down until you can feel his lips pressed to yours. He purses his lips there, kissing you, his tongue still driving inside, and when he moans, it’s like an electric shock to your body.

“Don’t stop,” you call out, your voice feeling thin as your body finds the edge. Agonizingly slowly, he pulls his tongue up again, to the same throbbing, swollen skin, and he sucks at it, swirling his tongue within his lips. As you bury your first into his dark, wavy hair, he lays into a rhythm, daring to press two wet fingers into the depths of you. He pushes in and pulls out, matching the pace of his fingers to the rhythm of his tongue, fucking you hard and fast until your vision goes white, and every muscle tenses, and you call out Sammy’s name into the dark, waves of pleasure coursing through you until you’re throbbing around his fingers.

“Oh my God,” he moans, his breath still hot and sticky against you before he moves up, kissing every inch of skin in his path. “You come so fucking well. You look so good right now.”

When he gets to your mouth, you turn his head, pulling his earlobe into your teeth. “Fuck me, Sammy,” you whisper into his ear and every part of him goes limp against you, save one.

“Fuck. Oh, fuck, yes,” he mutters and moans, and you can feel him hard between your legs. He reaches down, swirling the head of his cock at your entrance for only a moment before pressing in, gently at first until his hips are flush to yours. His hips swell and break viciously, pressing into you with a zealous need over and over, his fingers kneading at the skin at your hip that you used to hate, but you can no longer hate it, for the way that Sammy caresses it.

He whispers into your ear, all the things you ever wanted to hear him say. You’re so beautiful. I’ve wanted you for so long. God, I love you. I love you. I love you. And it’s been five years, but it feels like five days, and you’ve never felt this good about anything in your life.

When Sammy comes, his dark brown eyes roll back with his head, his neck craned so tight that you can finger that cord of muscle that meets in the center of his collarbone. The moan pulling up from his throat is like the thrum of a bass string, deep and harmonious and reverberating, and it echoes in your chest until you feel filled up by it, too.

When he comes down, he drags his hand through his hair, hair that is longer than it’s ever been, and it looks so much darker under moonlight. His fingers pull through the tangled mess of his hair and he lets them trail down his chest, down his waist, along his hips. Those fingers find your skin again as he pulls out with an indelicate, satiated moan, and he wraps you up in his arms, kissing the back of your neck. You feel sleep pulling, but you fight vehemently.

His words continue, the words that he had been whispering in your ear when he’d been buried within you, and you try so hard to listen, but your eyelids are so heavy now.

His speech turns to song, singing sweetly and softly, his lips brushing along the shell of your ear until you’re sure you could fall asleep at any moment. “You’re the one I want. You’re the one I need. You’re the one I had. So come on back to me.”

You dream about holding his hand and staying a while.

#greta van fleet #sam kiskza #smut #fluff #a little angsty #fic #request #Come On Back To Me

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imsarahcate · 5 years

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Going to bed is a struggle tonight. I am completely exhausted, once I lie down odds are for once, I'll probably fall asleep pretty quickly. But lying down on a bed with no Zena, and now no Joxer....

I am struggling in a way I haven't for a really long time. Ever since jan. 1st it's just been crisis in crisis on crisis. Mostly for people I love, but for me as well.

At first it felt like... I was sitting in the shrapnel of the explosions of my loved ones lives. KW's continuing stupid brother stuff, Abby having struggles and issues, kris' job stuff and panic prepping for them to potentially move almost immediately (not a bad thing per se, just not at all the way we'd planned it!), country dad's stroke, city dad moving to Portland, leaving me both furniture, and cats... Then on the 29th...losing Zena cat. And then... Last night... To lose Joxer.

And I am just, so tired and I can feel some depression creeping in the corners. For me, that means that I've been ignore increasing anxiety for a while, which... I know. So, tomorrow I'll go back on anxiety meds for a while. It's been a minute since I needed them. In fact, I think the last time was during cancer. So, what's that now, 8 years almost?

But I also know myself. And if I don't take steps now to stop this in its tracks, I'll hit a point of the spiral where I CAN'T stop it. And I deserve better than that, and frankly, so do all the people who love me.

For now, I'm in my bed, pulling up covers and trying not to notice the 2 fluffy lumps that are missing, and focus on the ones who are still here, purring and cuddling and bonking my head. Wishing, in part that KW still lived here, in another part that Kris HAD needed to move sooner, in another part that just... That I just still had my first 2 fur babies with me.

This too shall pass. I know that. And all will be the way its supposed to be. But for now, I'm trying to be grateful that these feelings aren't my constant - the way they were for me once in darker days. And tomorrow, self care will be admitting I need some help, getting that help, and then following through. And in time, things will eventually even out again. And so will I.

Because all those years ago, when I got serious about my mental health I swore I wouldn't go back to the spiral. I intend to keep that promise to myself. So tomorrow I get back on track. And tonight, I let myself grieve for my missing fluffs.

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ryqoshay · 5 years

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How to Handle a Nico: Whose Birthday is it Anyway?

Primary Pairing: NicoMaki Words: ~3.3k Rating: T Time Frame: Early during Maki’s 2nd year and Nico’s 4th year in college Story Arc: Stand Alone

Author’s Note: Happy Birthday Maki!

“Arms out.” Kotori halted her happy humming to instruct the young woman she was measuring.

Maki obeyed quietly as the designer slid her tape around her bust and resumed her humming.

As Kotori jotted down the numbers, she couldn’t help but wonder about Nico’s reaction to them. Did the older girl know? Probably. Kotori recalled Nico mentioning how she helped Maki with laundry “only when Maki-chan spends too much time studying.” Of course, as Nico regularly labeled Maki as a study-oholic, that undoubtedly meant pretty much all the time.

As she continued to measure, ideas swirled through Kotori’s mind about the design possibilities. Maki had matured a lot since their days as school idols and the event in question called for a more formal style anyway. As such, the design would need to be less pop star and more classical orchestra. Less pastel pizazz and more timeless tones. Less half-time performance and more red carpet walking. Kotori decided she could still include some frills and ruffles, but she couldn’t help wondering how fully she could flair the skirt before Maki would complain.

If Maki would complain at all, that is. Kotori had seen a ballgown or two in her closet back at her parent’s house and the young heiress had mentioned the high society gatherings she had attended growing up. However, she had never spoken overly fondly of said events, certainly not with the enthusiasm reserved for her childhood piano recitals. But that was getting off track. Both were formal occasions that called for formal outfits.

“That it?” Maki’s question pulled Kotori away from her delightful design daydreams.

“Oh, uhm, I think so.” the design student double checked the numbers she had recorded. “Yes, that’s everything I need. Thanks again, Maki-chan.” She smiled at the redhead. “I used Umi-chan and Honoka-chan a lot last semester, so it’s good to work with someone new.”

“I see.” The med student nodded curtly. “I glad I could help.” That said, she turned and moved back toward her desk. “Let me know when you need me to try it on.”

“Will do.” Kotori quickly gathered her stuff and headed toward the door. “Have a good night, Maki-chan. Don’t study too hard.”

At that, Maki let out a light laugh. “Nico-chan won’t let me.” She turned back to the fawn-haired girl with a smile. “I’m due at her place in about an hour for dinner.”

“Wonderful.” Kotori returned a smile of her own before departing.

As soon as the door closed behind her, Kotori pulled out her phone.

LittleBirb: Phase One complete

NicoNii: Roger that

NicoNii: Shall we begin Phase Two tomorrow?

LittleBirb: I’m free after lunch

NicoNii: Great

NicoNii: See you then

NicoNii: Over and out

“And with that, Phase Two is complete.” Nico said, setting her purchases down on the table in Kotori’s living room. “Thanks again.” She turned to the other girl with a smile. “I can’t wait to get started.”

“I’m sorry, Nico-chan,” the designer student replied, “but if I let you help, it would ruin the surprise.”

“The surprise?” The part-time idol blinked. “Whose birthday is it, anyway?”

“Maki-chan’s.”

“Right. And I want to help ensure my gift to her is perfect.”

“Are you doubting Kotori’s ability?” Umi suddenly spoke up from the hallway.

“No, that’s not it…” Nico began to protest.

“Nico-chan.” Kotori spoke up. “I know what type of dress you will like on Maki-chan. After all, I used to use you as a gauge for her outfits in µ’s.”

“You… I… wha?” Nico fumbled.

“Your reactions were fairly obvious.” Umi clarified.

“They were?” Nico felt a bit of heat in her cheeks, but she cleared her throat and attempted to will it away. “I mean of course they were.” She then preened. “Nico’s feelings for Maki-chan have always shown brightly enough that anyone could see.”

“You were indeed quite shameless when it came to Maki.” Umi agreed with a nod.

“Shameless, perhaps…” The ash-haired girl pondered “but she was better at expressing her feelings than others…” She gave a sidelong glance toward her girlfriend.

“K-Kotori…” Pink dusted blue-haired girl’s cheeks as she averted her gaze.

“Maki-chan for example.” Kotori returned her attention to the older girl.

“Don’t I know it.” The raven-haired girl agreed with a dramatic sigh and a shake of her head.

“She was a lot harder to use as an indicator for your costumes.”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“But I figured it out eventually.” Kotori smiled. “Anyway, Nico-chan, please leave the dress to me. I promise both you and Maki-chan will love it.”

“Alright.” Nico conceded, holding up her hands. “You win. I’ll let the master seamstress work her craft.”

“Do you want me to make one for you as well? So you can match?”

Nico shook her head. “Thanks, but I think we only have enough material for one. And with everything else I’m spending…” She smiled wistfully. “Not that it’s not worth it, of course.”

“Of course.”

“So, I’m borrowing a tux that’s being fitted for an upcoming photoshoot and they’ve have agreed to let me take it off-site for the day.” She paused before adding, “Had to be tactful with that request; wouldn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea, you know.”

“Mmm…” Kotori nodded, knowing what secret needed to be kept for the sake of Nico’s idol career. “A tux is a wonderful idea as well.”

“I know, right?” Nico grinned. “It’s Maki-chan’s day, so she should be the one standing out. Nico is willing to step out of the spotlight to let her amazing girlfriend have it… for one night.”

That earned a light laugh from Kotori.

“Do you think Maki suspects anything?” Umi inquired.

Nico turned to her with an incredulous look. “Suspects anything? Maki-chan? The same girl who studied herself sick and ended up forgetting her birthday last year?” She shook her head. “No, we’re good.”

From there conversation turned to other projects Kotori was working on and the college lives of all three young women. They continued to chat and catch up for the remainder of the afternoon.

Glancing at the clock, Maki was unable to hold back a sigh.

“I’m sorry, Maki-chan.” Kotori said, securing a clasp near the small of the other girl’s back. “This week just filled up so fast and today was the only day I could do this.”

“Mmm…” The med student hummed, trying vainly to hide her concern.

“I know you have plans with Nico-chan later, so to make it up to you, I can help you get ready; hair, makeup and whatnot.”

“Hmm…”

“So, how about we start with the hair?”

“Wha… now?”

“It will also add to the pictures and make them look more professional.” The design student explained with a gentle smile. “Trust me, I’ll make sure you look good for Nico-chan.”

“Alright.” Maki felt herself relax with the reassurance of her girlfriend’s approval.

With that, Kotori retrieved a brush from the dresser, motioned for the younger girl to sit and went to work on her hair. For her part, Maki found herself thinking about how different it was when Nico brushed her hair compared to, well, everyone else, herself included. She watched in the mirror as the older girl skillfully threaded some of her hair into a braid across the top of her head, a style her mother had used for her for quite a number of formal occasions.

“How does that look?” Kotori asked after several minutes.

Maki turned her head side to side to get a better view.

“Nico-chan will love it.”

“Yes, thank you.” Maki agreed.

“Next is makeup. Let’s see what you have...”

Kotori seemed to almost chirp happily to herself as she browsed the dorm room sized, but luxuriously labelled collection. She quickly made her selection and began application.

Once again, Maki watched in the mirror, her thoughts churning. The dress was really well made and a large part of her wanted Nico to see her wearing it. Certainly, Kotori would share whatever pictures she took with the rest of the group, but it wasn’t quite the same as in person.

Maki had always been aware that she was attractive, and she’d be lying if she said she didn’t take some pride in it. But it hadn’t been until recently that she’d really cared all that much about how any one specific person looked at her. Memories of Nico’s reaction to the outfit she had worn for their first date were still fresh in her mind and she looked forward to seeing something similar tonight.

And that thought caused a bit of a conundrum. Maki had gone back to her parents’ house and spent half a day picking out something she knew Nico would love. And as it was from a high-end brand, its quality was almost unmatched. Almost. The masterpiece she was wearing now managed a tier above, possibly two. If only…

“Perfect.” Kotori said, stepping away. “You look wonderful, Maki-chan.” She clasped her hands together and smiled. “And now for a few pictures.”

Maki nodded quietly and stood, ready for instructions on poses.

Kotori pulled out her phone and tapped a few times before holding it up. “Just like that is fine.” She said, taking the first shot.

Maki startled as a knock sounded at the door. Who the heck could that be? Maybe her RA needed something?

“Just a moment.” Maki called. “Sorry, Kotori.” She offered moving to the entry.

“Happy Birthday, Maki-chan!” a voice cried as soon as the door opened.

“Bwueeh?” The redhead stepped back. “Nico-chan?”

As the named raven-haired girl grinned and entered the room, Maki couldn’t take her eyes off her. The older girl was clad in a sharp tuxedo. It wasn’t quite as flashy or frilly as those she had worn for more idol related purposes, but it was well-tailored and fit her perfectly. Though most surprising was the utter lack of pink, not even with something as small as the clip on her simple, low ponytail. Maki was about to make another visual pass to be certain when she realized Nico was making her own of her.

For Nico’s part, a voice in the back of her head attempted to tell her not to stare to the point of making Maki self-conscious, but she couldn’t help it. Kotori hadn’t been lying when she said she knew what Nico liked and her gaze kept sliding into the sections the seamstress had shrewdly omitted, particularly from the bust up. A younger Nico would have undoubtedly been jealous, or even Nico of a few months ago. But present Nico simply stood in awe of her gorgeous girlfriend.

“W-Why are you here?” Maki was the first to find her voice again.

Nico opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out. She snapped it shut and put on a pout in an attempt to deflect from her speechlessness. “Is that anyway to greet your girlfriend?” She finally managed to get out.

“But you’re early.” The younger girl glanced at the clock on her desk. “Really early. I haven’t even started getting ready yet.”

“You look amazing…” Nico cleared her throat “amazingly ready already. And amazing. Too.”

Despite the awkwardness of it, pink still dusted Maki’s cheeks at the compliment. “Thanks, but, uhm…” She tilted her head toward the other girl in the room. “This dress isn’t mine, it’s Kotori’s, for one of her classes.”

“You sure about that?” The part-time idol inquired, slipping into teasing mode.

“Uhm, yeah.” The med student turned to the designer with a questioning expression. “Kotori?”

“Happy birthday, Maki-chan.” Was all of Kotori’s cheerful reply.

“W-what the heck?” Maki could only fall back on a habitual phrase as she returned her attention to her girlfriend.

“The dress is yours.” Nico clarified.

“I… I don’t get it.” Maki’s mind spun through everything she’d gone through to supposedly help Kotori with the apparently fabricated class assignment.

“I don’t get it.” Nico mimicked the younger girl. “What’s not to get? The dress is Nico’s birthday gift to her beloved Maki-chan. And Kotori was kind enough to help me; a lot.” She smiled at the ash-haired girl. “Amazing work, as always. I owe you big for this.”

“It was my pleasure.” Kotori assured. “We can call it my gift to Maki-chan this year. And Umi’s, as she helped as well. So now the rest is up to you. Have fun you two.” With that, she excused herself.

As soon as the door closed, Maki took two long strides and pulled Nico into a hug. “Thank you.” She said. “It’s perfect. I love it. But…” she pulled away “why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

Nico snorted. “What, and ruin the surprise?”

“But…”

“Honestly, it was a surprise for me as well.”

“Huh?”

“Kotori wouldn’t let me help with making this.” Nico shrugged. “Nico was only allowed to help with picking out the material. And I’ll have to tell you about the amazing deals we found later.”

“Maybe over dinner?”

“Yeah, that’ll work.” Nico stepped away to admire her girlfriend’s attire once more. “You know, with such nice wrapping, it’s almost like Maki-chan is a gift for Nico’s birthday.”

“That’s a horrible pickup line…” Maki muttered, despite blushing.

“Can’t wait to unwrap it.”

Maki closed her eyes and shook her head as the red spread. “Idiot.” She sighed.

“You love it.”

“Maybe.”

“Anyway, we should probably get going.”

“Oh? But I thought…”

“There’s been a slight adjustment to our itinerary today.” Nico grinned as she pulled what looked like two tickets from her jacket and held them out for the other girl to see.

Maki’s eyes widened with surprise. “Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra?” She read aloud.

“Sound like a good detour before dinner?”

“Definitely.” Maki nodded enthusiastically. “But,” she leaned in for closer inspection “these seats…”

“Nico is already making use of her connections in the industry!” The older girl proclaimed proudly.

“So you called in a favor… for me?”

“Pretty much.” Nico confirmed. “Completely worth it and I look forward to doing it again soon.”

“Thank you.”

“So, shall we?” Nico offered her arm.

“Alright.”

“So, how did you know when to show up at my dorm?” Maki suddenly asked.

“Kotori messaged me on LINE.”

Maki thought back for a moment. “You mean she wasn’t taking pictures?”

“Oh, she did.” Nico confirmed. “Even if your dress isn’t an actual assignment for a class, she can still use it in her portfolio for when she starts applying for jobs and such.”

“I see.”

The couple had left the concert hall and Maki had spent the entire train ride diligently dissecting the performance, from first bassoon to the third trombone and from Chopin to Weber. Nico was able to get a few words in, but mostly just encouraged her girlfriend’s delighted dissertation. Eventually, as they neared the restaurant, the topics had shifted.

“<Ah, good evening, Mademoiselle Nishikino, Mademoiselle Yazawa.>” A well-dressed man greeted in French as the two young women entered. “<Welcome.>”

Maki blinked as though not anticipating being recognized. “Monsier Leclercq?” She glanced around briefly. “Is this…?”

“Indeed.” Leclercq confirmed, switching to Japanese. Then, with a proud grin, he made a grand sweeping motion with his arm. “La Table Rouge is open for business!”

“Congratulations.” Maki said with a warm smile.

“I could not have done all this without the generous investments of the Nishikino family.”

“I know my parents were happy to help. And we all look forward to seeing you succeed with this place.”

“Thank you. You know,” he turned to Nico “I thought I recognized the name of Yazawa Nico on the guest list. My daughter was a fan of µ’s and remains a fan of yours today. As such, I was curious whom you might be bringing with you, which is why I am here to greet you. I am pleased to learn you are still associated with Mademoiselle Nishikino.”

“I’m bringing her here for her birthday.” Nico explained.

“That is today, is it not? Happy birthday.” Leclercq bowed to Maki. “Now please, allow me to show you to you table.”

“So you’ve been here before?” Nico asked of Maki as they walked through the restaurant. “And here Nico was hoping she could bring Maki-chan somewhere new to her.”

“I haven’t been here yet.” Maki assured. “They just opened last week and Mama and Papa have been too busy for us to come by.”

“Nonetheless, you are here now.” Leclercq said as they reached the table. “And it is our honor to serve you tonight. I shall send the sommelier over with some of our finest recommendations. We have a superb selection from a connection I have in Château Latour.”

Nico tried to mask her reaction as she recognized the name from the research on wine she had done in preparation for this event. Unfortunately, both Maki and Leclercq saw her slight flinch.

“Thank you for the recommendation.” Maki replied.

“I insist. Only the best for the Nishikinos and their associates.” Leclercq stated turning to Nico. “I regret to inform you, Mademoiselle Yazawa, that your money is no good here.”

“My money…?” Nico mumbled dumbly as her mind fumbled through processing what she had just been told.

“However, if you insist on payment, I would humbly accept an autograph addressed to my daughter.” He glanced elsewhere. “Ah, my attention is needed in the kitchen. I shall check back with you two later to ensure all is well, and I shall be bringing something to sign. Please enjoy all we have to offer.” With that, he bowed and made his departure.

Nico chewed her lip, wondering if she should be elated instead of concerned.

“A meal for an autograph. That’s about as good a bargain as one can find, right?” Maki offered, attempting to appeal to her girlfriend’s inner deal hunter.

“Yeah…”

“But…?”

Nico had been happy to talk about the bargain she had found on the dress material, so Maki found herself a bit confused about her girlfriend’s current mood.

Nico shook her head. “I’m sorry, Maki-chan, it’s nothing.” She smiled, though it was obviously forced.

Maki furrowed her brow before reaching forward to place her hand over Nico’s.

“Maki-chan?”

“What’s wrong?”

Nico held her girlfriend’s gaze for a moment before sighing. “I dunno… It’s just… Kotori made that dress. I was given the tickets. And now…”

“You’re using your connections.”

“Yeah, but…”

“You said it yourself. You used your connections in the industry to obtain orchestra tickets.” Maki explained. “Those were premium seats that are generally hard to come by, but you were able to get them. And you used your connections with Kotori to have this amazing, one-of-a-kind dress made for me. And finally, here we are, about to enjoy a wonderful meal together, all because of your connections.”

“My connection to you for that last one.”

“Still a connection.” Maki said with a smile as she squeezed Nico’s hand. “And I’m very grateful for everything you’ve done for me today. I can’t imagine a better way to spend my birthday than with you, Nico-chan.”

Finally, Nico smiled as well, genuinely this time. “You’re right, Maki-chan. This has been a good day. A really good day.” She chuckled. “But honestly, with everything I’ve received today, I still can’t help but wonder if it isn’t actually my birthday.”

“I believe it was you who once told me that there is nothing wrong with the giver enjoying a gift as much as the receiver.”

“And Nozomi was the one who told me.”

“That much is normal, right?” Maki laughed.

“True.”

Whatever Maki was about to add was interrupted by the sommelier arriving at the table. Wine selections were made with helpful suggestions from the woman. Once she left, conversation resumed as the couple focused on the events of the day and enjoying each other’s company.

Author’s Notes continued in Followup Post.

#NicoMaki #Nishikino Maki #Yazawa Nico #How to Handle a Nico #Love Live #fanfic #Happy Birthday Maki

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the-mira-life-project-mtf · 5 years

Text

My MtF~H.R.T. -- My New Family

THE END IS NEAR...

I once dreamed of a time when I was caught in-between two ordeals:

Love for the family that raised you, or love for the family that loved you.

I wanted both, but was denied as the family that raised me ensnared me in my home whereas the family that loved me, changed me into someone new. This dream came again-and-again, stronger and stronger, vivid and warning me that it would happen after a terrible snow fell on the ground. Only problem, we were in a warming period and snow was pretty much non-existent! Then, like fate, the weather changed and a storm dumped over 2 feet of snow in one night...snow that the Puget Sound has never seen before. It was a once in the thousand-year event!

My dream warned that once the snow fell, I would become near-death sick, and unable to leave...I would depend on the family that loved me to heal me and care for me...and this would begin the transformation. And sure enough, my lungs seized, my mucus turned green and I was fighting pneumonia with no access to antibiotics. My family, all over them, worked diligently to help clear the mucus from my lungs as we were trapped over a week in our home.

I would lay there as the white icy snow fell outside my window as I thought to myself ‘My God...it is actually happening! I am living the part in my dream!’ I flipped through the pages as I looked for more clues of what would happen. The dream warned that I would have to face the end. The divide as I faded from my family and became someone new. The man that came for a week stay, would leave as a woman, a daughter of the family. It stated that I would attend their wedding, become part of the family and then...I would become part of the family, forever.

Mira Carlene Messinger was my new name. The shadows of David remained, rekindled by friends who stopped by, but they did not disturb the fabric of reality as they all came to accept me as a transgender female. I no longer looked the same...it was a painful transformation...but in the end, I appeared younger and a reflection of the daughter that saved my life.

Not only had my body changed. Mentally, I would begin to change. No longer longing for the family I left behind. My focus would be on the family I have.

Unconditional love is a powerful vice!

THE TALKS CONTINUE...

Back in May of 2018; the biggest doubt I faced with being transgender was that I was going to go through this all alone. That is why I created this blog, to voice my thoughts that I would have voiced with my family. There was fear of being discovered and the consequences that would befall my coming out. However, the Lord has blessed me with a new family, who loves me for who I am, even if it is Mira and not David.

As I was writing this blog, Michelle message me with some exciting news that I have yet to consider.

Michelle: How was your day?

Mira: Not too bad, had garbage to burn and cleaning the garage from the Christmas light mess. Day started with driving my grandmother around, and almost fell asleep at the wheel. I remember saying to her, ‘I don’t understand, this is a new tank, but I feel nothing!’ as I pulled at the cord and found that I shut my oxygen cord in the door! Lol! Even with this dilemma, still had to drive! Otherwise, a nice day, how has yours been?

Michelle: Felt exhausted today, not exactly sure why. Was so happy to get home. Made some dinner and now just laying in bed watching some TV with Mitch.

Mira: I am looking forward to moving out that way...been gathering my belongings to bring in small waves. Tools, personal items, lights, books...things I don’t want to lose. I have been considering the process of moving and how to adjust...and to be honest, I look forward to it!

Michelle: Did you want the bookshelf in the bedroom for your books? If not let me know and we can take it out.

Mira: It is the cloudy weather that makes people exhausted! I tried to sit and work on my stories and reflection on the future...did not get far as work always finds me!

Michelle: I also have an extra nightstand in Logan's Room to put on the bedside that has 2 drawers in it. And then the closet has shelves for we can always figure something out for a dresser if need be.

If you wanna put tools in the barn, you can or anything like tools that you would use on a regular basis we have the cabinet in the old laundry room downstairs that we could use. I also want to clean out the cabinet in the bathroom so you can put toiletries and such and that bathroom.

Mira: I like that bookshelf and also wish to keep Amanda’s shelf on the bottom shelf (if that is okay with Mitch).

One moment to consider...I have not considered room design yet.

Michelle: You just let me know what you want moved out and what you want to stay and will make it work.

Mira: A dresser would be nice, have not had one of those in 15 years!

Michelle: Mitch is asking if you've told anybody yet?

Mira: No, I have not said a word about moving, waiting till our trip to the ocean is through, so I can focus on digging clams. It is a probability, but I fear that information could lead to terrible conflict...reason why I am gathering my supplies just in case.

Michelle: So you know, I did have a conversation with Lexi. She is very excited for you to move in with us as she feels that you stay much healthier when you're in our home. I did let her know about the changes that you want to make in your life and she is very happy at the fact that you will be free with who you are and that we are able to help you through the process. She is so open minded so I knew that this would be her reaction.

Mira: That sounds wonderful! I did not know what Lexie’s thoughts were. She is a very accepting young lady.

Michelle: Well you have a house key, so feel free to drop off anything you need to, here. Or come here and rest in the middle of the day if you need to or whatever the case may be. Also we can create storage in the loft if you have items that are bigger that you don't wanna keep in your room. There is also a wardrobe with a drawer up there. Better answer, I will try to get to that closet this weekend so that you can have places to put things. I also have baskets that can go on the shelves to hold different things. As far as your medication, you could always keep that in the top of the cabinet in the bathroom.

Mira: Perfect! I keep all my meds and equipment on a shelf in my room and extras in a closet. I use to keep it in the bathroom when my grandfather was alive, but since his death, I am only allow to keep everything in my room or in the living room. It is nice I can store extra stuff in the loft...don’t have much, but I’ll bring things that are important to me and can be used to help the family.

As for converting my name and identity; still too dangerous to do that publicly I feel. Once things settle and I feel secure in my new life, then I’ll ask to convert my name. We’ll have that conversation, but I see it happening probably by summer or just after.

Thank you to all of you for being so willing to adopt me (if that is okay to use); I believe Lexie (is it Lexi or Lexie, I am uncertain) is correct, my health is so much better there. Unconditional love is a powerful medicine!

Michelle: It’s Lexie :) Yes it is. Love is the Way.

Mira: Perfect, been spelling it correctly! Certainly, love is the way...just took me a year or so to realize that! Thank you for always reaching out, I know you mentioned it last night and I wanted to thank you and Mitch...again, it is something I’ve never experienced...and I cherish it!

Michelle: I didn't get a chance to ask you last night, but wanted to know if you plan to go through a complete sex change through surgery? Also meant to tell you, when you get the date of your port being placed, I'd be happy to go with you if you want.

Mira: I had plans to do so...as I see my HRT physician this month; but it probably won’t happen as my health is too poor to go under General. But much of my discomfort is because of my anatomy. It is weird to explain. Also, I feel that it is a family decision too, so we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. / I’d be honored to have you come with me for my port placement...still waiting on the surgeon...I am shooting for sometime in May.

Michelle: 👍 I hope you have a good night tonight David and I hope you sleep . We'll see you tomorrow.

Mira: I wish both you and Mitch the same, Hope tomorrow brings renewed energy! I will see everyone tomorrow! Have a pleasant night! 💜

Michelle: 💞

PASSING THROUGH GETHSEMANE...

All moments of life can be easily broken down into moments of transition, regret and revelation. There is a terrible darkness that we must struggle against; it is the darkness of the soul that has lost its faith. The darkness is not power or principalities...it is chaos and despair! Great than the death of flesh is the death of dreams and hopes. Against this very peril, we can never surrender to the darkness. Our future is always around us, waiting in moment to transition, to be reborn in moments of revelation. No soul knows the shape of that future, or where it will lead us...all we are certain is that it is always born through pain.

Just watch a few episodes of Babylon 5 and you will have enough philosophy to fill your life!

There is a truth to the saying; all moments of transition and revelation must be traveled along the path of pain. Pain is what reminds us that we are alive! As I’ve endured, the death of hope and dreams is the worst conviction any soul could endure!

As I transition through my old life and into my new life...I know that before the end, I must first pass through the gardens of Gethsemane (the place where Jesus underwent pain and torment and was arrested the night before his crucifixion) which ironically is my biological family and the beautiful garden I have created at home. There will be suffering, pain and in the end...death! Like Jesus, I shall be crucified for my actions and beliefs in my true purpose...but the death of David isn’t the end...there is a revelation in the end. Rebirth! A renewed life as Mira. From the darkness of my faithless family, to the loving light of my anew family.

Sadly, like Jesus, I know when the end will happen and how it shall happen...yet, I must let it come to fruition...for the sake of my family, the sake of my adoptive family and the very sake of my life. The future is unknown to me, my new family is young...enduring, but lives on uncertain grounds. All I know is that my future is paved with pain.

At first I was uncertain, scared to move...I have always returned home! Even during my college years in Tacoma. Home was always between the morning and evening sun. Yet, with the fragile nature of my illness...if I remain here any longer, I will die here...alone...or in a hospital, alone.

There is so much potential as Mira! So much potential as Messinger. Even though I struggle against it; I’ve already been reborn as Messinger, since my near deaths of 2015...if it wasn’t for Amanda to constantly remind me to get checked for cystic fibrosis, I would have drowned on my own bodily fluids in the hospital. The treatments between asthma and CF are not the same...never even considered! Since then, my whole life has been an awaking, a re-purposing. A life to repay a life.

Now, with the moment only days away...I no longer feel the grip of fear nor the cloud of doubt. I have began the process of preparing for my passing. I know that once my family is aware...the noose around my neck will be tightened! I have turned to another song to comfort me...

David:‘Where once was light...now darkness falls (my family after the death of my grandfather). Where once was love...love is no more (my family has abandoned joy, love and compassion for sadness, grief and disappointment).

My Biological Family: Don't say goodbye, don't say, I didn't try (my family’s rebuttal).

David & Mira: These tears we cry are falling rain (meaning that they mean nothing). For all the lies you told us, the hurt, the blame (the treatment my family gives as reward)! And we will weep to be so alone (in fighting cystic fibrosis and being transgender). We are lost! We can never go home.

Mira: So in the end, I will be, what I will be (my tribulation and awakening as Mira). No loyal friend was ever there for me (referring to my blood family as they never would come to the hospital unless I almost died, then only sometimes).

David & Mira: Now we say, goodbye; we say you didn’t try (leaving my home for a new life, without remorse)! These tears you cry, have come too late.

Mira: Take back the lies, the hurt, the blame (as I don’t want it no more)! And you will weep when you face the end alone (as a forewarning to my family to heed the path they are on).

My Biological Family: You are lost (as they disown me)! You can never come home.

David: You are lost! You can never go home (as sung to Mira).

May is so far away...but also, so close! May...that is when I die! The old life of David, sacrificed and I will finally see the true spirit of my family. They may be able to recover from my genesis, but they will never survive my coming out. That is why it is imperative to gathered what I want to restart my life...as after May, anything left behind will be lost to the flames!

It will be important to be strong, as a new sickness will set in: Remorse and homesickness. My new family must be strong, I must be strong! For what comes next will be harder then leaving home! I will begin the second month recovering from homesickness and face the revelation of presenting myself to the world. Most of my old friends...will leave me! However, new friends will be made. Then, comes to pain of holidays...the threat of a new sickness presents itself: depression.

It is important to be true to myself, to allow myself to be loved and to love the family I have adopted.

MY SURVIVAL PLAN...

APRIL

In order to stay on track, I will have to be diligent to follow through:

1) Gather all the tools that are my property, and gifted upon me to avoid legal conflict. This includes my drill bits, tool cases, power drill, Croana tools, shovels, rakes and camping gear. All this must be delivered to Messinger by 4-3-2019. Along with Christmas lights I have purchased. My rock hammers and first load of crystals and rocks. Basically, I need to fill my backseat.

A second trip will be made on Friday morning (4-5-2019), prior to my trip to Silverdale to pick up my oxygen equipment. This load will consist of clothing and book. This load is important to keep simple as I will be operating around my grandmother, who could turn my genesis against me, but turning the family against me.

(4-9-2019), Pack up my Mount St. Helens belongings for storage. Pack more clothes. Pack my nature books and more rocks. Pack camping bags and tents. Pack metal detector and DvDs.

(4-10-2019) Last of the rocks, books, awards, vital papers and plants (if the weather is wet).

(4-19-2019) Begin packing up items in my upstairs room...to maintain the illusion that I am still around. Begin moving things I don’t want to take to the attic as no one will go up there...only I.

(4-26-2019) Last trip to Messingers with final articles of clothing, CPT machine, lamps, more Christmas lights, my cactus, poinsettia’s, bedding, fans, Krampus, books, extra medicine.

MAY

The genesis from my family begins as I am expected to depart for the Messinger’s as agreed to...however, once a week has passed...then the news shall be presented that I have decided:

For the sake of my failing health:

To move into a home where I am not stressed into sickness,

Pushed into doing things that my doctors tell me not to do,

To remove me from the temptation of the outdoors which gets me sick,

To remove me from driving to the hospital which has almost got me into wrecks and lost,

To rely on the wisdom and experience of a father who has knowledge of end-stage cystic fibrosis and to prevent possible terminal sickness that I miss,

To remove me from the household which seems to be always sick due to their work,

Having a father and mother who is willing to perform CPT and healing,

Awareness of my failure to take my enzymes and to keep me on my oxygen that I don’t use always at home,

Can advocate for me when I am in the hospital and willingness to visit without me begging.

And a ever-growing network of friends who offer up prayers for my healing and have expressed genuine compassion and love for how I am...

And for my transgender health:

I need a family who’s fundamentals are based on love and not deeds,

I need a family who has not lost their faith in God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and community,

I need a family that focuses on being a ‘family’ and teaches community service like our family once did,

I need a family that appreciates me for not my deeds (as my health makes me pretty much useless) but for who I am,

I need a family that will not belittle me because I am transgender (nonconforming / fluid),

I need a family that will allow me to live my life as Mira, who has given me purpose and happiness...but is willing to guide and support me,

I need a family that will allow me to develop new interests and talents without making me feel bad,

I need a family that will allow me to correct my physical and chemical identity,

I need a family that will work with me, not use me as a workhorse, or denigrate me for things I can’t control,

I need a family where I feel safe as Mira and will not retaliate or physically and/or mentally harm me.

To The Bruer Family:

I am aware of my end-stage nature and know that you can not take another possible death, after the death of my grandfather and Kiera...you need time to heal without my distraction,

As noted, I place a burden on the cost of food, thanks to my digestive failure, and my absence will reduce your bill and allow you to eat what you like. This will help your limited budget and save you money. This will also benefit me, as I need to loose weight for my lung transplant and as I am adjusting to a Messinger diet, I have noticed that I loose weight,

With my absence, my constantly running oxygen equipment, CPT, computer, machines and lights...this will greatly improve your light bill,

With my absence, you will not have to endure my changing body and feminine nature that I have chosen. You will not be required to use my name or face the backlash of my uncles like Mike and Lee who are ‘near-violent’ against the LGBTQ,

With my absence, this gives you back the living-room and sun porch to make use as you like.

Once I have announced that I have decided to leave--with the following above--then begins the change. By the mid of May, I will begin to change my media platforms to my new name. This will begin on April 26th 2019 with me using my new name at my new PCP who will oversee my transgender health. I expect to lose 20% of my social network to the change.

I am expecting to battle homesickness, but the adoption of my new last name will be me adjust and I will spend most of my time at the gym, at gigs and working on my new property.

JUNE

My second month living with my family, I will begin the process of legally changing my name.

Make a decision about my care at Cedar River Clinics, and announce my new intentions and good news. Have my blood draw to measure my estrogen and testosterone levels.

Decorate the property for the 4th of July and tend my new garden.

JULY

See how the Messinger’s celebrate 4th of July.

I celebrate my re-birthday on July 21st. This is my first year anniversary on hormone replacement therapy and begin to consider SRS by next July. Set up my 2nd appointment with Dr. Worth.

Head to the Christmas Light Swap to find stuff for Christmas and Halloween.

AUGUST

I attend Mitch and Michelle’s re-wedding, this time part of the family. I celebrate Woody Woodstock 9 ~ Mitchapalooza 4 as my Grand Coming Out with our closes friends.

File my name change application.

SEPTEMBER

Become part of the Messinger family and attend the Bonding Ceremony. Face the winter months ahead. I will open up to Ryan and allow him to do my hair and make-up (something I never though I would say.)

Photograph Josie’s wedding.

Plan a romantic outing with my girlfriend, Ruth, to rekindle our relationship.

Apply for new birth certificate and social security card, change my bank ID, notify all my debtors and medical providers.

OCTOBER

Begin decorating for Halloween and winterize my garden.

Month six with my new family, I should expect a beckoning from my biological family to return home to do property maintenance. I will reopen a new offer to her periodically. Set up my 3rd appointment with Dr. Worth.

NOVEMBER

Celebrate my birthday.

Prepare for Thanksgiving.

Begin to set-up for Christmas.

DECEMBER

Celebrate my first Christmas with the Messinger’s.

2020

Begin looking into SRS.

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schizophelia · 7 years

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March 25th, 2018: Journal

Haven’t done a journal in a while so I figured now would be the perfect time for it.

Okay so explaining last night: So last night a friend started talking to me on Facebook. That was fine, whatever. And then shit went down and I don’t know if I can explain it properly without it getting confusing. But I shall try. So anyway, he started talking to me. He’s really nice and that wasn’t the issue. Now I’ve know this friend for about 2-3 years so deep down I should have known to stay away that night but I didn’t because I didn’t want to be rude. He started talking to me and he brought up the topic of religion. At first I was like, okay, this is fine. But then he said that I should tell the voices “I command you to leave in the name of Jesus Christ.” I told him something like that won’t work and that I’ve tried telling the voices to leave me alone. Now him saying that to me really bothered me because I had vision (”hallucination” is what my friends called it) of Jesus when I was in the psychiatric ward back in September-November. If you’ve followed my blog long enough you would know that I was told, during this hallucination, that I was to lead the people…. that I was the messiah. And so this whole topic of religion brought these “delusions” (is what my friends call them) up again and I couldn’t make them leave. I was hearing voices like crazy and then he brought up the topic of demons and said the picture of shadow demons I draw looked like the demons that came out of him in hell and holy shit that just sent me for a downward spiral. At that point my mind was racing kilometers a minute and I couldn’t calm myself down and last night I didn’t sleep worth a damn and ugh.

Needless to say, I’m so fucking exhausted. I’ve been apparently hallucinating things all day. Voices and whispers, video game sounds, the monster, Nietzsche the dog (the golden retriever that I never ever talked about), etc. Like it’s been a wild ride today. Plus I’ve been having all the same delusions from last night on top of my usual ones. I can’t even begin to explain how frustrated and tired of this shit I am. But like, I feel like my team won’t help me. On the topic of Nietzsche, he is a new animal that I see as of like a week and a half ago maybe? I’m not entirely sure how long I’ve been seeing him but anyway, he’s a golden retriever and he’s so fluffy. I took a picture of him but my friend said there was nothing in the frame. I don’t really have the artistic ability to draw him either. But that’s okay. I hope most of you know what a golden retriever looks like. I’ve also been seeing a black rat. I named her Kateri. So now I have 4 rats, 3 rats, and 2 dogs that I see on occasion. I know they’re not real because my friends tell me they’re just hallucinations. But they look real and they move like real animals so sometimes I get confused. These animals are the highlights of my day. They make me happy because everything else makes me miserable.

Yesterday and today we celebrated both of my brothers’ Birthdays. One of them turned 20 on the 17th of March and other turns 23 on the 29th of March. One of my good friends had her Birthday today but I didn’t go because I wanted to spend time with my brothers. We had chocolate cake and we had a special dinner tonight which was good because normally we don’t eat the greatest because everyone is always busy doing something. But they will be home again Friday for the weekend.

Yesterday I got my hair trimmed for the first time in about a year. It’s not that much shorter. Our usual hairdresser said she was surprised to see how long my hair was and that soon it’ll be down to my waist. Yesterday and today my mom and I deep cleaned my room. I mean we went through all my books, nightstands, all my containers, some of my makeup, etc. I’m so glad everything is neat and tidy but now I don’t know where everything is because everything was in its spot but now it’s not. I don’t want to ruin our hard work. I’m surprised how well I did. I hesitate before throwing things out because I think I’ll use them again when in reality I don’t. My mom made me sort through all my tea too. Which was fine. Some of it went to my aunt across the road.

Tuesday I see my social worker at the psych clinic at 10am and honestly I have so much to talk about. I haven’t really been doing the greatest and she was supposed to talk to my doctor about everything and I don’t know if she did. I hope she did because I’m supposed to meet with my doctor on Wednesday at 11:30am. Which I think is a mistake because the doctors at the hospital where I see my doctor normally does 3rd floor rounds on Wednesdays… unless he wants to talk to the other doctors about me. I hope that’s not the case; I don’t like it when doctors talk about me behind my back. Honestly, I hope my doctor helps me this time. Because honestly, I can’t keep doing this. I’ve been living with it like my doctor suggested. I’ve been trying to ignore it… like my doctor suggested. It’s not getting any better. It’s not getting any easier. I’m too scared to go outside by myself for goodness sake! How am I going to handle school like this? I feel like I keep slipping even further and I can’t make it stop. It feels like something is always happening to me.

I’ve been on the 9mg of Invega for like 2-3 months. If it was going to do something it would have by now. My friends think I should try Clozapine. My doctor has mentioned it before… but only in a negative light. He said it’s a nasty drug because of its side effects and stuff. But I have friends that are on it and they say it’s really helped them with their psychosis… so I don’t know. Every medication has side effects. I just want my life back. I do have a confession to make though…. I haven’t been taking my medication properly for the past 2 days. I’ve been taking it really late in the day. Like I’m talking between 1:30pm-4:30pm when it should be taken around 8:30am-10am (whenever I wake up). The reason why I’ve been taking it too late is because the voices have been telling me not to swallow any medication because it’s part of the government’s evil plot to get my special powers. But, my friends always talk me into it so I have been taking it. Tomorrow I’m going to take it properly. I’m going to try to be good. I hope I can take them and ignore the screaming and yelling caused by the voices.

I’ve been both agitated and tired all day. I’ve been banging my head against the wall to try to make the voices shut up… all to no avail. I don’t know why I’ve been getting agitated and restless. Probably because I didn’t sleep well last night after having decent night’s rests the previous nights before the last. I hope I can sleep tonight. I took my Temazepam and I’m ready to go to dreamland.

Anyway, I’m signing off for the night. I’m exhausted. I hope everyone has a good day tomorrow.

Meds: Invega 9mg Fetzima 80mg Temazepam 15-30mg (taking 30mg)

#personal #journal #religion mention #medication #Invega #Fetzima #temazepam #hallucinations #delusions #psych ward #appointments #friends #tired

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tirkdi · 7 years

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Hospital alarkling au! Yes!!!

omg, ok, here we go. this is like, half crack.

Alina blinked, fidgeted. Coughed into her white sleeve. Maybe he hadn’t heard her, maybe she should say it again – but his countenance, as brutally beautiful as it was, didn’t invite repetition. He stared down at her, unamused.

She’d thought the stories about him were overblown – no one with standing job offers around the world would choose to work at a teaching hospital and be that much of a misanthrope.

She had apparently been wrong.

When he did choose to respond, it wasn’t exactly the first words she’d hoped to hear from the doctor who would be her mentor for the next year. “You’re my intern.”

“Yup!” she replied, far too brightly.

He looked her over, his gaze traveling down the white coat she was so proud of and back up in quick dismissal. “Do you have any surgical experience?”

“Um, no, sir – er, doctor. I just graduated medical school, you know, last week.” She mentally chastised herself for her timidity and wished, not for the first time, that she had the same unreasonable self-confidence that all the other surgical interns seemed to.

Disbelief and dismay warred across his features. “And before that?”

If only the last conversation she’d had with her parents before they died had been about her being a dermatologist, or a professor, or a dog-walker – if only they’d told her to go into anything but surgery. But she’d busted her butt for years and here she finally was, intern to a surgeon who was a worldwide legend. Damn if she was going to let him get the better of her on her first day.

She snorted. “What, you think I spent my childhood cutting open my friends?”

She’d been expecting him to disavow the idea, but he just lifted an eyebrow in an expression she couldn’t read. It was uniquely disconcerting. “So I’m going to have to teach you everything.”

“Not everything,” she countered. “I did go to med school.”

“Did you.” His gaze sharpened to a scalpel’s edge and she got her first glimpse of the surgeon Morozova, ready to carve open a living subject. “Then let’s see what you know, shall we?”

“Dr. Starkov.”

Alina bent her head towards the linoleum floor, trying to stifle the smile that threatened to erupt across her features any time she was called that. She hadn’t quite gotten control of the grin by the time she turned around, but the steel gaze that met hers made quick work of the kill.

This seemed like a bad way to begin her second day.

“My office, please.” Dr. Morozova gestured to down the hallway. She marched ahead of him and entered, sitting in the chair in front of his desk as he sat behind it. He leaned back, elbows on his armrests and fingers steepled in front of his chest, and stared at her.

For a while. She could only return the look for a few seconds before diverting her eyes to the bookshelf behind him. The books were worn, each shelf bookended by bones hinged together with wire. It wasn’t unusual for a surgeon’s office to have skeletons interspersed with the decor, but there were significantly more bones in the room than she’d expected.

“Um,” she said, finally tired of looking anywhere but at him and hoping he’d say something. “Am I in trouble?”

“Do you know what I read this morning?”

“The newspaper?” she guessed.

“Your file.” He leaned forwarded, rested his forearms on the desk. “You graduated first in your class. From the best medical school in the country.”

She blinked, unsure of where he was going but pretty sure she wasn’t going to like it. “I already knew that?” she asked, her nervousness forcing her snark into a question.

Dr. Morozova sneered. “There it is again.”

“There what is?”

“That appalling lack of confidence. I grilled you for three hours yesterday. Based on your tone alone, I would have said you had no idea what you were talking about – yet you answered every question I asked perfectly. You don’t seem to know what it is you know, let alone have the ego to slice into someone else.”

Her anger at being insulted finally eclipsed her anxiety. “I figured if I ever needed extra ego, there would be no shortage of surgeons to borrow it from. And here I am, paired up with you, giving me a convenient lifetime supply.”

He leaned forward even further, nearly in her face despite the desk between them. “I have the ego,” he said, voice tense but even, “because I’m the best at what I do. If I second-guessed myself all the time, I couldn’t be.”

Her brain generated a number of responses to that, but she bit her tongue, not trusting herself to not make a bad situation worse.

“You could be an excellent surgeon if you believed in yourself.”

“Just because I don’t think I’m the best doesn’t mean I don’t believe in –”

“You don’t,” he interrupted. Then he leaned back in his chair, picked up a file of case notes and began leafing through them, dismissing her. “I hope you’ll decide to one day, though. Preferably soon.”

There were leaves on the trees. And birds. Alina blinked slowly, allowing her brain to reacclimate to sunlight and the fact that a world existed beyond the walls of the hospital. Her first week as an intern had been brutal but she hadn’t killed anyone – a low bar but a good start. She inhaled deeply and mentally gave herself a gold star as she began the walk to her car. Good job not murdering your patients, Alina.

“Leaving already, Dr. Starkov?”

Alina startled and stopped, turning towards the voice. Her mentor sat on a bench outside the hospital, a stack of files in his lap.

They’d spoken almost not at all since their meeting in his office several days prior, though he’d been conspicuously present as she went about her rounds, hovering in the shadows, watching, waiting – though for what, she wasn’t sure. She had returned the favor during his surgeries, positioning herself in the corners of the room to watch as he sliced, examined, and arranged with a deftness and confidence that she would never be able to muster. She hadn’t killed any humans her first week, but she was getting ready to bury her hope of becoming even a mediocre surgeon in a shallow grave.

She sighed and rubbed a hand across her face, trying to hide both her fatigue and her caffeine shakes. “Yeah, it’s … I’m off, now. I’ve been working for twenty-four hours straight.”

“Is that all.” His gaze was even and clear though Alina could have sworn he’d been at the hospital at least as long as she had. “They let interns get by with so little these days.”

This was too much. Half the reason his reputation was what it was was that he was impossibly young himself – while there were other surgeons that approached his skill level, none were within even a decade or two of his age. “It can’t possibly be that different from when you were a medical student,” she snapped.

“You’d be surprised at what’s changed.”

His medical school must have had a class in non-answers or else he was just a prodigy at those, too. “How old are you, anyway?

“One hundred and twenty.”

She lowered her lids halfway. “You expect me to believe that?”

“Yes,” he turned back to his files. “I count in surgeon years. If you can ever be bothered to become a decent surgeon, you will too, soon enough.”

Dr. Morozova materialized seemingly from nowhere as Alina was making herself coffee in the breakroom. She avoided spilling it all over her white coat, but it was a close call.

He leaned against the counter in front of the sugars she’d been about to grab, a case file dangling carelessly from one hand. “There’s a surgery I want you to take tomorrow.”

That was enough to almost make her forget her coffee. “What? Why?”

“Because I’m a surgeon and you’re my intern.”

“You don’t even like me.” One of these days, Alina would remember that she didn’t always have to say what she was thinking.

One brow raised a millimeter. “I don’t have to like you.” A beat, considering. “I saw how you handled Mrs. Bratslov’s case yesterday.”

“You saw that?” she whispered. It had not been her finest hour; she’d been performing a routine examination when the woman had gone into cardiac arrest. Alina had screamed for backup, grabbing the defibrillator and giving the first person into the room the instructions that happened to pop into her head. They hadn’t been the ones she’d learned in medical school, though at the time she said them they seemed correct; she still hadn’t figured out why.

“I did.”

“She almost died.”

“But she didn’t.” He straightened and walked towards her, his head tilted down to look her in the eyes. “You made a call –”

“A bad one,” she interrupted, though he had to have known it.

“The only bad calls are the ones that don’t work. Something went wrong and you handled it, well. There is confidence buried somewhere in there. You just need the right thing to bring it out.”

“And you think this is the way to do it?”

He handed her a file. “Read this tonight. Surgery is tomorrow.”

She scrubbed her hands viciously, trying to project the confidence she knew she should feel, attempting to hide the shaking that betrayed her intense nerves over her very first surgery.

“This is straightforward,” Dr. Morozova said from the sink next to her. “Simple patellar fix. In and out.”

“Right, right.” Alina nodded her head, scrubbing under her fingernails. “I just don’t want to forget the plan.”

“You remember the plan.”

“Sure I do.” She swallowed. “But could we maybe just go over it one more time?”

He cut her a glance. She was worried he might call off the surgery right now, send her home, kick her out of the program – but whatever he saw in her face, he relented. “One more time: we’re going to go in there. I’m going to pick up a scalpel and get the site prepared for you. That means that I will strip away all of the skin, all of the flesh, until you have no surface but knee. All you have to do is take it from there.” He lifted his foot from the pedal, turning off the faucet. “Ready?”

She rinsed her forearms and did the same. “As I’ll ever be.”

“You need to believe in yourself. For what it’s worth,” he continued as he shook the excess water from his fingers in the sink, “I do.”

He headed towards the operating room before she could respond. When he reached the door he turned, hands held in front of him, ready to push it open with his back. “Wait,” she said. “What are you wearing?”

“Scrubs,” Dr. Morozova replied.

“They’re black.”

A corner of his lips quirked, not quite a smile. “Hides the blood.”

He leaned back into the door, letting it swing shut behind him. Alina took a deep breath and followed suit, entering the operating room for her first surgery.

Her hands had stopped shaking by the time her mentor handed her the scalpel and she made her first cut into a living human. It had gone better than she anticipated – not only had she done well, but, to her horror, she’d enjoyed it. Dr. Morozova had stood as he had for most of the week prior – unmoving, silent, just watching – and she had been grateful for the mask that had hidden her smile as she sewed the final stitches into place.

Her fourth day as an intern, she had put in an inquiry to the anesthesiology department to see if a transfer might be possible. She’d heard the saying in medical school before, and they had repeated it to her then: “If your favorite place in the hospital is the operating room, be an anesthesiologist. If your favorite place in the world is an operating room, be a surgeon.”

After the surgery, as the two of them made their way through the maze of corridors to their lockers, shoes squeaking on the linoleum floor, she felt it acutely: she was walking away from her favorite place in the world.

Her mentor looked down at her. Even without the safety of a mask, she found that her smile couldn’t be constrained.

“I told you,” was all he said.

Her fifteenth surgery made her feel as invincible as the first. “Did you see that?” Alina practically screamed, jumping into the air. “I crushed that tendon!” She furrowed her brow. “In a good way.”

“That you did,” Dr. Morozova agreed. “But the surgery ended minutes ago. Take some of that youthful exuberance and direct it towards the problem at hand.”

“You’re no fun at all,” Alina complained. He’d become a more active mentor over the last month; she had thought she might find some humanity underneath his all-work-no-play exterior, but she’d only found an interior that was no-play-all-work.

“You’re not the first person to point that out.”

She sighed, not wanting to let go of the post-surgical high, but finally turned around. She was face to face with a tumor on a backlit scan. She examined it a while, trying to focus.

“Well?” Dr. Morozova asked from behind her. “What’s your diagnosis, doctor?”

She’d been working with him on straightforward cases so far, building up, but this was the first time he’d let her see what the whole department referred to as a Morozova Surgery. The tricky surgeries, the ones only he could handle.

The answer hit her. She lifted her hand to her mouth. “We’re going to have to take the whole thing out.” The surgery was going to be horrifyingly invasive – this was not a part of the body she was looking forward to rooting around for cancer cells in, but there was no other choice.

“What about cutting off the blood supply? Finding some way to starve it?”

He was testing her, and she shook her head, transfixed with the image, beginning to mentally step through the incisions. “We’re not going to be able to control the tumor, it’s too much. We’re going to have to cut it out completely.” She whirled around, more confident than she could ever remember being before. “This is going to be fun.”

He smiled at her for a moment, then looked at the desk he sat on and moved a paper to one side. “Yes,” he said. “It will be.”

The next week, Alina high-fived the head of surgery after he had watched them perform the operation – flawlessly. She was walking down the hall with her mentor, still smiling to herself when Dr. Morozova leaned closer and spoke.

“We don’t high five over surgeries, Alina.”

“You don’t,” she replied. “Maybe people just like me more.”

“If you keep up that sort of behavior,” he continued, his voice casual and more serious for it, “you’ll kill both of our careers.”

“My career will be just fine.” They reached a turn in the hallway where Alina would head back to her locker and Morozova to his. “And if your whole career is built on being an unrelenting asshole, maybe it’s time to rethink your strategy.”

He lifted an eyebrow. “It’s half the reason I went into surgery in the first place.”

“What’s the other half?” she asked, but he just continued down the hallway. “Wait,” she called after him, “where are you going?”

“Home,” he replied over his shoulder without breaking his stride.

She hadn’t really thought that he lived at the hospital, but as she watched him walk away she realized she’d never actually seen him leave. She stood dumbly as his black clad figure disappeared into the parking structure, a strange loneliness settling in her chest. She’d never been in the hospital without Dr. Morozova before.

She blinked a few times, shook her head, then headed to her locker. Whatever she was feeling, it was nothing that a hot shower and a good night’s sleep wouldn’t cure.

#alarkling #the darkling #alina starkov #the grisha trilogy #grisha fic #nb: i am not a doctor #crack fic

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sugarwaterradio · 6 years

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Our First Week on Bad Boys For Life!

Hi we're here bad boys it's a photo shoot there's my team ah just one of them weird things that you do for movies where you shoot photos that are gonna be in photos in the movie and then they put them in like a frame and they'll even do stuff like put our heads on other stuff let's go see what Martin's do it shall we that's Martin right there just mark that's my bad boys bad boys for life for life baby that's how we do day one Jerry Bruckheimer on the phone right now you tell him his wills men tell him get out the cryo chamber and pick up the phone make myself tired doing this stupid singing so it's the first week of production so I decided to give a vlog camera to the directors and that might have been a bad idea digit honors the assistant director moviemaking is always a cluster this guy is quiet oh hi boss oh sorry previously on scaring Scott for coming live for 2019 getting back the massive retribution that has been on hiatus for a while this is what he doesn't have a hope in hell and giving it to wheel without a crack about hey but and then if you don't want to be 4G sent from production sent Jason from production just wanted to give you couldn't even scare a six-month-old baby it's just not humanly possible for him all you do is he going with the box in your giving you say it's from production but first from the production and then ask him another question dinner what about dinner tonight is just about my return the more you talk the worse it gets it's never hope in hell of working its day four or five or something like that it's far man you don't know about days you can't time to tell me my days are you doing going into my office got my mess that's my meds I'd do a double dose of Viagra AMM p.m. So I do viagra in the morning cialis in the evening it's my blood pressure meds oh and I don't take my meds with water I take my meds with with food I like how I'll do that one time we had a puppy and we put the pills in bread so I like that so I started taking my pills I prefer to take my meds what girl but it's for my blood pressure everybody my family got hypertension much toughest kind of preventive I'm down for now that boys back in the building you know what it is we got behind us shaking the dust off knocking the restaurant what are you a cop or model Mike Lowrey the thing that's crazy as we still have that chemistry like I was really surprised how we didn't miss a day that comedic chemistry and the energy is right there this is Chad Chad Oman producer say some of the movies you made again just so we can have a pirate's one through five Pirates of Caribbean yeah whatever man what advice would you give young producers that are trying to like make their way into production I'm gonna have to think about that yup guys do it just do it all do it that's cool that was a six-piece production what about dinner tonight I just wanna play / - no no it's been there I'm gonna get this alligator with his fun is our aesthetic coordinator rut with Jada so we're shooting a film Juan gums in a month or so ahead of time so we're at the bad boys production office this is Friday it's the last day before we go into the weekend and we start shooting officially on Monday I'm feeling good Martin hurt his back he's trying to pretend like the area's back so when he shows up Monday and everything's great he was like oh he's such a hero I know dope dance Instagram it three years ago and you know Jerry Bruckheimer took a took a long shot on to young black dudes and he put that j-roc Harmon sauce on it and gave us the first bad boys Jerry Bruckheimer it's not remember what one of the best things Jerry but as always totally calm and his partner Don Simpson we were able to to really capture some magic and you know Martin and I would do a TV show so we were used to having to make it up and happen to go and we're we're looking forward to bringing this team and this new family together and hoping that we're gonna capture some magic one more time around I would tell you I love you man I love you too man only looking at me I said yeah I love you I said eh I just finished it up that was a the screening of bad boys one really exciting I felt like it was like watching it for the first time it was really informative to watch that the comedy was ridiculous about the role I got a pee I didn't watch the movie hi man see you tomorrow Read the full article

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5hfanfiction · 8 years

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Divine (Lauren/You) - Chapter 1

// Your POV

To say that I hate Lauren Jauregui was an over-exaggeration.

I just didn’t precisely enjoy fangirling around the so-called ‘raven hair goddess’, like most people did. She was the owner of the biggest nightclub in Miami, Club Vapor. It seems like your typical generic go-to place if you wanted to get drunk and party yourself into oblivion, to be completely honest, but for some reason people loved going there, and getting in was extremely hard.

While I don’t enjoy drinking myself to possible death, I’m not one to turn down a good night of fun either. But tonight was not the night.

My friend, Dinah Jane Hansen, somehow managed to get us passes for tonight. She kept going on and on about how special it would be, just because tonight was the night Jauregui would attend. Apparently, she herself can’t resist but dream of meeting the successful owner.

“You don’t know what I went through to get these, girl,” Dinah said as she waved the passes in my face. We were in our small living room in our shared flat, me on the couch and her pacing around furiously. “You have to go,” she whined as she flopped next to me.

“I don’t see what’s so special about this place that I just have to risk failing my final tomorrow to go,” I told her as I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “You know how much of a bitch med school is.”

“You’re so lame,” the Polynesian huffed. “It’s going to be so much fun.”

“I’m sure,” I said, almost sarcastically.

“Oh, come on,” Dinah said as she made her way towards the bathroom. “Even Ally is going.”

I widened my eyes at her choice of words. I knew how Ally was with the whole clubbing thing. That girl never managed to grasp some sort of interest for going to such places, and much less for over-drinking and grinding up against someone throughout a night. It’s not necessarily the fact that she praises the Lord more than anyone I know combined, she just finds other things in life more enjoyable, and hearing this definitely surprised me.

“Ally,” I repeated, and Dinah turned to face me and nodded as if to reassure me. “As in Saint Allyson Brooke Hernandez?”

“What other Ally is there?” She asked with a hint of sarcasm, while turning back around again and doing her make up in front of the mirror. “You know, you might even get to meet THE Lauren Jauregui,” she added exaggeratedly.

“Couldn’t care less about that stuck-up fuckgirl, if I’m quite honest with you,” I said with a shrug, standing up from my seat. “But I know how much you’d love to be able to breathe the same air as her.”

“Some piled up judgment you have,” Dinah murmured as if to herself, but I rolled my eyes at that.

I guess I somehow lost myself in the conversation with Dinah that I completely forgot about my exam tomorrow. Sure I’ve studied throughout the whole semester, but that doesn’t make it less scary, and more studying never equaled to a bad grade. I saw the tall blonde currently humming a song while doing a little dance in front of the mirror. Her playfulness always seemed to cheer me up. Maybe I won’t exactly bomb my final but there’s no way I would fail it either if I go out tonight.

Just make sure to not drink too much, I told myself and tried to relax mentally.

It shouldn’t be too bad, after all.

I’m not sure when time passed by, but I had a very very short shower, got my navy blue skin-tight dress on, and Dinah was now doing my hair. Ally shot me a text saying that she was on her way over for some pregame and I was surprised she knew what that meant. It was probably Dinah that forced it out of her, but I’ll take it anyways.

Once Dinah was done, I squeezed her forearm as a small thank you and made my way over to the kitchen to prepare some drinks for the three of us. I heard the doorbell ring on my way.

“It’s open,” I yelled as I took three glasses from the cupboard above the counter. Our kitchen was pretty simple and small, but we never did a lot in it anyways.

“Hey y'all,” Ally chirped as she came in through the door, making her presence known. The small blonde entered the kitchen with her heels in her hands. “These are a pain, I’ll tell you that,” she gave me a warm smile.

“Well, you’ll have to survive for six more hours, so you can either die being tall or live in flats,” I smirked as I started pouring vodka shots.

“If we die,” She said suddenly, all serious, raising her hand with her heels in it in the air. “We shall die like men.”

I shook my head at her playfulness and passed her a glass of the freshly out of the freezer vodka.

“Oooh,” the blonde said, raising her glass to mine. “Pre.. gaming,” she pointed with her pointer on the other hand, as if to prove her point.

“Yes,” I said slowly, tilting my head to the side to her actions, and she only grinned in response. We clinked our glasses and took our shot. The liquid burned its way through my throat to my stomach, giving me a warm pleasant feeling. Ally, on the other hand, was making a face and waving her hand in front of her mouth. “Burns, huh?” I laughed.

She nodded furiously while grabbing a hold of the counter for some support.

“'Sup, smalls?” Dinah entered the kitchen all dolled up and did a little show off walk to us. I whistled at her which made Ally slap my arm.

“Ouch,” I said to her, a bit louder than necessary.

She shook her head my way. Dinah only smirked in response and leaned on the counter.

“We need more glasses,” Dinah said as she reached over and grabbed two more, placing them in front of me. I raised an eyebrow and Ally’s face drained all color. “It’s for me, don’t worry, hun,” Dinah playfully nudged Ally, which made the shorter girl’s tenseness go away.

I complied to her request and I poured more in the now five glasses. I passed them around and we continued on with our predrinking for a while. We did this partly because drinks are way too expensive at night clubs, so we have to arrive there tipsy at the least, and partly because you never know what might be in the drink.

Ally ended up taking only two, I took four and Dinah five.

It was maybe one more than necessary, but we were going to drink that one at Club Vapor anyways. Once we were done, Dinah notified us that our Uber was waiting in front of our building. As Ally and I started gathering up, Dinah was pouring herself some more vodka in a water bottle, claiming that no-one would notice or care.

The line was undeniably extra long once we got to Club Vapor. Most of them were young adults, either in or freshly out of college, or just high-schoolers that hope to pass with their fake ID. Once it was our turn, we were met by two huge security guards. The big bald black dude with the name tag Rob, took our passes and IDs while looking us over up and down. He took his time doing so, which made Dinah huff in impatience, but he seemed used to it and let it pass. Once he confirmed that we were allowed in, Dinah immediately took off, leaving me and Ally in a try to catch up in fear of getting lost throughout the crowd.

Once Ally and I were in, we were met by a surprisingly huge amount of space. From the outside it looks way smaller, but looks can be deceiving. All of the blue and purple lights were shining down to the big pile of people in the middle, which I predicted was mainly the dance floor. To the left and the right were glass tables and chairs, and there was an upper level, as some sort of balcony all around. I looked around and saw a DJ booth in the back, and to the sides of it were stairs that led upstairs.

I got so lost in how big this place is, trying to pay attention to every detail, since it looked like a lot of time and effort was put into designing it, that I didn’t notice Ally tugging on my hand.

“Y/N,” the small girl snapped me out of my daze, and I turned to face her in the dim lighting. “This place is huge,” she said as she looked around.

“I know,” I said as I followed her gaze. I decided I didn’t want to go up against sweaty bodies just yet, and my tipsiness was wearing off. “Let’s go sit down and get something to drink.”

Ally nodded and I took her by the hand and we made our way past the big pile of people. I had to hold her in a strong grip, since it was hard to get through. Once we did reach the tables that were on the right, we immediately grabbed seats in one of the few available booths in the back.

“Where the hell is Dinah?” I asked her as we sat down.

“Language,” she pointed a finger at me and I shrugged. “I guess we’re going to have to pray to the Lord for the best.”

I took my phone out and shot a quick text to Dinah.

To Dinah 11:29 p.m.

where are u?

I put my phone on the glass table and just then a person walked by with drinks around. Ally waved them over, and they, more specifically he, gave us a smile while walking towards us.

“What would you like, ladies?” He asked in a polite tone, which made Ally smile back.

“What would you recommend?” The short girl perched up an eyebrow while looking at the available drinks.

He got closer to her. “I usually wouldn’t, but these last two cocktails are great, and I would rather you ladies have it than some other trashy teen,” he said in a hushed tone, giving her another smile.

I watched the interaction from aside and was surprised at how casually Ally was accepting his flirting. I let them be while I looked around the club, trying to find something interesting. There wasn’t much going on on the dance floor, nor at the table around us. I looked at the balcony and saw that most of the people there were either caught up in a conversation or were just looking over the people downstairs. It looked like everyone was just chilling, unlike the intense grinding up on each other down here.

My eyes caught onto a specific group of two, and I immediately recognized one of them. It was Lauren Jauregui, I was sure of it, and she was making conversation with a dark-skinned girl. Even though the sight of her made my stomach churn, I had to admit she could pull off a suit. In the little amount of lighting upstairs, I could only make out that she wore full on black and it gave off a very mysterious yet attractive vibe. I can obviously see why people would go for her, but the amount stories of fucking around I’ve heard she’s done really ruins it for me.

I turned my attention to Ally, who was now sipping on her drink happily. I wondered where Dinah was, and just then my phone lit up with a notification of a message from her.

Dinah 12:01 a.m.

where is u

To Dinah 12:01 a.m.

in a booth on the right side

get ur ass here now

I locked my phone and turned to Ally.

“Dinah should be here in a minute,” I told her, and she hummed while still drinking on a cocktail. I just so noticed that she finished hers and started mine, and I laughed. “It’s good, huh?”

The small girl gave me a thumbs up and smiled into her straw. Just then, Dinah slumped next to me.

“Sup, dawgs,” the tall Polynesian announced herself and from the close proximity we were at, I could smell the strong alcohol on her breath.

“How much did you have to drink, Dinah?”

She held up a couple of fingers on her hands, as if to count them, but she got lost in the process and I shook my head at it. I looked over to see Ally waving at the same guy that gave us the drinks, possibly to ask for more. Once he caught sight of her, he approached us with the same smile, and when Ally reached for another drink, he shook his head no.

“I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I can’t do that,” he said as she politely pushed her hand away. It was obvious from her state that she wouldn’t be able to handle more of it, and I’m glad that he noticed it. Just then he turned to me. “If you need any help, you can find me at the bar,” he nodded over at where the big bar was.

“Thank you, uhm?” I asked, motioning for his name.

“Troy.”

“Thank you, Troy.” I gave him a genuine smile and he was off on his way. At that, Dinah pushed further into me, resting her head on my shoulder, and Ally was pouting and biting on her straw. I huffed as I realized I was going to be the designated sober friend for the night.

I don’t remember for how long we sat there, making weird out-of-the-blue conversations, but I did notice the club starting to clean up a bit. I looked at my phone and saw that it was already past 2 a.m., and I nudged both Ally and Dinah to get their attention.

Dinah still wasn’t sobered up and Ally was being sleepy, making my job to get them home extremely hard. I realized at some point in the night that Ally is going to sleep over, since I wouldn’t completely trust her with herself at the state she’s in.

“What?” Ally groaned as she rubbed on her eyes, smearing her make up in the process. She looked at the back of her palms in realization of what she did, but seemed unfazed by it.

“We need to start gathering up,” I told her as I grabbed a hold of Dinah and stood up with her.

She leaned a rather big part of her weight on me. “I loveee you, Y/N,” Dinah said as she threw one hand around the back of my neck.

“Love you too,” I told her as I motioned for Ally to start walking in front of me.

We walked to the exit of the club way more easily than we walked in previously tonight. I kept in mind to walk through the table area next time, since it was way more empty and comfortable to do so. Once we were out, the cold Miami air hit me really quickly, making me shiver. I looked around and saw a lot of people trying to start on their way home, either with someone barely holding them up or just almost tripping over their own feet on their own.

I looked to my sides to a very sleepy Ally and a very confused Dinah. I sighed as I barely called up a taxi while still having a hold on the girls. The person said they’d take about ten minutes, and I thanked them as I hung up.

“I wanna sit,” Dinah slurred down and Ally hummed in agreement and immediately sat down on the pavement.

“Okay, then, let’s sit,” I said as I dragged Dinah down with me, and we waited for the taxi driver to arrive. I was mindlessly scrolling through my phone, Dinah was playing with her hair, and Ally was trying to not fall asleep.

“You seem lost,” a voice said from behind and as I turned, I immediately recognized them. It was the same dark-skinned girl that was talking to Jauregui previously. She was wearing a white skin-tight dress that showed off her curves perfectly, and her make up was pretty light, which made her eyes pop out. She tilted her head to the side, patiently waiting for an answer. Just then Dinah turned around to speak, but when she did look who it was, she only whispered an oh shit.

I’m pretty sure the girl heard it, but she seemed as if she wasn’t bothered by it in the slightest. On the contrary, it made the girl smirk.

“Do you need help with getting home, ladies?” She asked in a polite manner, while offering her hand in introduction. “The name’s Normani.”

Dinah immediately grabbed it and shook it, standing up. “Dinah Jane Hansen,” she said, making Normani hum and look her up and down, as if trying to figure something out.

“It’s a pleasure, Ms. Hansen,” she finally said, grinning. Then she looked to Ally and I. “And you are?”

“Y/N,” I said and nodded over to Ally, that was now laying down with her eyes closed. “And that’s Ally, don’t mind her, please. But to answer your question, we already called for a cab, thank you.”

She looked over to me with a puzzled look, and as she was about to respond, someone else barged into our conversation.

“I was looking for you everywhere, Mani, where have you been?” A raspy voice said, and at the sound of heels connecting with the ground I shot my head up.

That’s when I saw her. Lauren Jauregui. A part of me was disgusted, but was overshadowed by another part that couldn’t believe this was a real person. Up close, she was way more mesmerizing than the descriptions I’ve heard so many times from so many people. Hell, even I couldn’t put it into words. I was going to give her a once-over, but the piercing green eyed gaze caught mine and I was so afraid it would actually shoot through me, that I had to look to Ally for cover up.

“I needed some air,” I heard Normani speak up.

“You should’ve told me, I was worried for a moment,” Jauregui said and I could feel her gaze on the three of us. “Are these friends of yours?”

“No, I just met them, and they seem like they need help getting home safely,” Normani replied and I was surprised by the politeness in their tones.

I looked back at Lauren and tried to hold my gaze on her. “We’re really just waiting for our cab to arrive,” I said, sort of defensively.

The semi-goddess looked back at me again, and I swear my breath got caught in my throat. “Nonsense,” she said as she gave me a once-over, and a shiver ran up my spine. Whether it was from the cold or her, I had no idea. “It wouldn’t be nice of me to leave three beautiful young ladies such as yourselves waiting on a cab driver,” Lauren spoke again with high manner, and it took everything in me to not look away.

“Thank you, but, I promise you, we’re-” I started but was caught off by her hand raising up.

“I’m sorry, but I won’t accept it, Miss..?” She trailed off as if to motion for my last name.

“Y/LN.”

“Miss Y/LN,” she said sort of experimentally. “I insist on you being brought home by my driver, it is not a very safe time, as you might know.”

Ally then made her presence known. “I wanna go homee,” she slurred and rolled over on her stomach, reaching her hand out to me. I huffed as I grabbed and held it in reassurance.

“We are going home, Ally, our cab will be here any minute,” I said to her, and turning my gaze back to Lauren. “Thank you again for the offer, but we can manage.”

Jauregui pursed her lips. “If that is your wish, Miss Y/LN,” she spoke up and turned to Normani and Dinah, that were caught up in a conversation of their own. She smiled and turned back to me again. “I do hope to see you again at Vapor,” the green-eyed girl reached her hand out for me to shake.

“Maybe, if we get a way in,” I chuckled and shook her hand, which was surprisingly soft and her grip was strong enough to be reassuring and comforting in a way.

“I’m sure you will.” And with that, Lauren was off with Normani soon following.

I was still in a daze of just how I had a conversation with THE Lauren Jauregui. That was actually nice and polite, not stuck up as they said she is. Or it’s just a whole show that everyone falls for. Even though I was being skeptical about that, her beauty and the whole aura she brings with herself was undeniably divine.

#UPDATE #series #AU #/you #angst drama #humour #romance fluff #submission #Divine

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