#to the surprise of absolutely no one with a Bible they bother to read | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

heyheydidjaknow · 3 years ago

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This is becoming a series. I did not mean for it to become a series and I’m not sure if I’m a fan of it being a series but serialization is certainly happening. I’m not making it a proper series so I have the liberty not to follow a timeline but it certainly feels a lot like it. Anyways, here’s probably the longest part of this adventure we’re going on together.

A Talk

“Hey.”

It had been a little more than a month since you had seen him. No phone calls, no letters, no emails; the only sign that he had ever been with you was the jigsaw sat on your coffee table, which you were loath to move because you had no idea how to keep it from falling apart. You would ask him, call him or write to him yourself, but you had no way of contacting him apart from the number he called you at which, you learned, was the hotel’s number, not his. You were not surprised by this outcome exactly– it had been a possibility and you knew it had been. No, there was just something disheartening about it.

“Hello?”

It was fine. Life moved on. You were going to get on with your life, find someone else who probably could not and would not live up to your expectations, but that was fine. You were fine. You were absolutely not letting some Tim Burton character brought to life consume you. That would be very foolish and unhealthy. No, you were absolutely not obsessing. Why would you? He was not even that great.

She snapped her fingers in front of you. “Hey!”

You jerked up. “Order!”

The woman standing in front of you retracted her hand from your face. “Hello.” She smiled. “Order for Alisson.”

“Oh. Oh!” You rushed back, grabbing the bag off the counter. “I’m so sorry; I’ve been zoning out all day.”

“It’s alright.” She took the bag, setting her exact total— you don’t remember having read her the bill— on the counter. “Have a good day.”

“You too!”

This was not the first time this had happened. This was not even the first time this had happened today. You were not exactly sure why, though. He was hardly your first boyfriend– which, you reminded yourself sharply, he was not, officially– or your first fling. He was not particularly attractive or charming or charismatic or anything like that. The only really attractive quality he had was that he was good conversation, but that was hardly worth all this grief. All that he had was some indescribable quality, something behind the eyes, like a snake, like a siren.

Well, that and that consciousness that first time.

You missed it.

You went to put the cash in the register, folded. As you smoothed out the bills, something– a receipt, it looked like– fell from the stack. As you moved to go and call the woman back for it, the lettering at the top of the paper caught your eye. It was in the right type for it to be a normal receipt, the right format, but the bill number was too short; four, separated by a colon; either a Bible verse or a time.

You did not know an Alisson.

You pocketed the receipt, suddenly alert as you went back to work.

As soon as you got home, you got to work picking the piece of paper apart.

Preliminary observation: the bill was not a valid bill. It was the right sort of paper, but you could feel the indents of the pen on the other side of the sheet and the handwriting was too straight; if this were an actual receipt for a diner— it was formatted like a diner receipt— there would be no way for the server to press that hard down. Also unusually, the words were all written on the lines, which, while not impossible for someone to do, was incredibly odd for any waitress or waiter to bother to do.

The top line of the bill, where the name of a restaurant might go, was generic; you could buy these sorts of tickets from most office supply stores. The order itself consisted of one cup of “sugar with coffee”, one triple oatmeal cookie, and a few other miscellaneous items. The price assigned to each item was seemingly random, and adding tax– which you could immediately tell was off– the price came out to be a clean seven dollars, which was almost the most illogical part of the whole thing. The bill itself was dated two weeks in the future Using your sub-par investigative skills and the assumption that the man who had sent this message– because you were fully convinced that coincidences like these did not happen– you got this much:

He was on a plane bound for a local airport, supported by the miscellaneous items’ first letters all spelling out the name of an airport not far from you.

His plane was arriving and/or he wanted to be picked up at twenty-three-fifteen, supported by the odd order number.

He wanted to be picked up at terminal seven, which was supported by the oddly even number.

You understood that these conclusions were wild leaps in logic. These conclusions relied on your being right about a lot of things you were unsure of. Taking the advice of what could logically just be a very weird receipt was incredibly stupid of you and only spoke to the depths of your obvious obsession with literally just some guy who you were neither in a formal nor physical relationship with. By all accounts, he should have meant absolutely nothing to you. He had been the one not to call you for weeks; even if he was trying to talk to you via receipt– which the logical part of your brain reminded you raised so many red flags– he had no right to you, nor did he deserve to crash at your apartment or whatever he wanted. He was irrelevant, out of the picture, and you deserved better.

Of course, you were never good at telling what you were worth.

You stood in terminal seven of the airport at eleven-fifteen two weeks later, entirely done with airports as a concept. Unsurprisingly to you, his flight had been delayed; all of them had been. The only nice thing was that you were not the only person sitting and waiting for people to show up. You just so happened to be seemingly the only one not to think to ask someone to sit with you, which was entirely your fault but not one you wanted to acknowledge. In your defense, you had figured that if you asked anyone to come with you, they would have tried to talk you down, which was nice of them but generally against the cause. You could have asked to join someone else in waiting, but that would necessitate you having the social skills necessary to do that, which you lacked.

A part of you hated watching the time literally pass you by. Ten minutes turned into twenty, then an hour, then two. It was about one o’clock in the morning before you thought it might be time to call the whole thing off. Still, you waited.

He looked odd to you from where you were sitting. He had never been a bastion of healthy living– you could not remember having ever seen him eat– but you had never seen a man look so simultaneously awake and exhausted beyond comprehension before, like he was both painfully and fully alive and two seconds away from falling into a coma.

He looked almost as shocked as you probably did, not even bothering to glance at the baggage claim, having apparently brought everything he needed in a backpack. “You came.”

The words were out of your mouth before you even comprehended them. “You look like shit.”

He smiled, almost relieved. “Oh, I’m sure it’s not as bad as how I feel.” He started walking as if he knew where the car was. “Which one did you get?”

“Which?” You grabbed your things, quickly matching his staggeringly staggering step’s pace; if he fell you would rather you caught him. “There was more than one?”

“Yes. Five, actually.”

You stuck your hands into your pockets, giving him a once over. You had not imagined it; the bags under his eyes were most definitely deeper than they had been before. “You’re a dick,” you huffed, reminding yourself that you were mad at him. “You didn’t call for a month.”

“I am,” he agreed. He did not look particularly sorry. “I’ve been incredibly busy. You are unbelievably selfless for picking me up.”

“I’m not.” You watched your feet as you started heading out to the car. “I just have terrible taste in men. Don’t make it out to be like I’m doing you a favor.”

“I never said you were. Only that you’re generous.”

“If it’s for my sake, how can that be generous?”

“I’ve been told it’s possible.” He stuck his own hands in his pockets; you could feel his eyes on you. “It comes down to whether or not you believe that intent is important in determining the value of an action.”

You let him talk.

“But that all depends on which philosopher’s word you want to take on the matter. In regards to the law here, for example, heavy emphasis is put on intention, and while that’s typical in regards to crimes such as murder, for smaller crimes it really does differ heavily from country to country. Are you not saying anything because you’re upset with me or because it’s one o’clock in the morning?”

You could not answer.

The two of you reached the car. You got into the driver’s seat, him the passenger’s. Neither of you said a word for a solid ten minutes, the soft sound of the radio filling the silence poorly. It was an odd sort of tension, like the two of you had just been screaming at one another, uncomfortable electricity still hanging in the air. It made your stomach churn.

Finally, you spoke. “What were you going to do if I wasn’t there?” The words were weirdly soft.

He did not look up from his fingers. “I’m here on a connecting flight,” he said. “If you hadn’t been there I would have just taken the connecting flight.”

You nodded. “Can I have another question?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you call?”

The answer was slow to come. “I was busy.” He picked something out from under his nail. “International calls are expensive. There was no way for me to secure a good connection at the time. Your phone could be bugged. I would likely have been unable to say anything at that time without letting information you are not supposed to know slip through the cracks.” He tore a bit at his cuticle.”I was lacking in vital faith in humanity. There are plenty of factors. Of course, I’m sure these are not satisfying answers.”

You did not trust your ability to tell whether he was lying or not.

“If it’s any consolation, it was not for lack of desire to get in contact with you.” Finally, he looked at you. “You don’t believe me– which is fair– but still.”

You sank back into the seat. “You don’t have many friends, do you?”

“I don’t.”

You glanced over at him. “It shows.” Something occurs to you. “Your uncle guy– Watari– isn’t here, is he?”

“He isn’t. I trust you won’t kill me.”

“Do you have a place to stay?”

“I can if needed.”

You paused. “Is that implying you would be able to sleep at my place?”

He smiled. “You’re making the assumption that I am going to sleep.”

“Because that’s what people typically do?”

“Typically being the operative word there.” His hands were shaking. “I’m not very typical. Besides, at this particular stage of exhaustion, I’m the most productive.”

“What do you mean, at this stage?”

Things about his behavior were starting to make sense. Not just the normal odd stuff— though all of that was still clearly present— but the heaviness, the staggering, and the odd emotional availability could probably all be chalked up to exhaustion. “I’ve observed that people— myself included— go through certain phases of exhaustion. It seems to be a bit like a runner’s high; after not sleeping for long enough, every sense in your body is heightened and sharpened to a razor’s edge.” His hand shook as he brought it to his mouth. “In this particular stage, I believe I could solve all the world’s problems if you put me in front of a computer.”

“Okay.” It was fortunate that he was so exhausted as to feel comfortable in your home; at least then when he inevitably died he would do it with someone to make sure he did not knock his head into a coffee table and die. “How long have you been awake, then?”

He chewed on his thumb. “What’s five times twenty-four?”

You did the math. “One-twenty.”

“Then about one hundred twenty hours.”

You reminded yourself that he was an adult and that chastising an adult for their health-related stupidity was not kosher when you did not know them very well. “And how have you managed to do that?”

“My work, while soul-crushingly sad, is incredibly engaging. Besides,” he looked down at his hands again, “I can’t relax until something’s finished, as you may have noticed.”

“That doesn’t sound very healthy.”

“It’s probably not.” He smiled. “I’ll probably die of a heart attack by the time I’m thirty. Until I do succumb to that inevitable heart attack, however, I intend to do whatever I decide at the moment is what’s best to do.”

“Your opinion isn’t going to matter much if you’re dead.”

“Three decades isn’t bad.”

“That’s half the average life expectancy.”

“That’s thirty more than I would expect to live, frankly.”

” That's almost worse.”

He called you by your name. “I’d like to know your opinion on something.”

“Oh goody.” You adjusted your grip on the wheel. “Mine specifically?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Two reasons.” He counted on his fingers. “You’re the most unextraordinary person I know, for one.”

You whistled. “Cold. Murder me, why don’t you?”

He blinked. “Did I say something?”

“What a thing to call someone, unextraordinary.” You shook your head. “Party foul, sir.”

“I don’t mean to insult you. I mean to say that you’re the most normal person I know.”

“You’re just digging this hole deeper.”

“I promise I mean it as a positive.” He gestured with his hand. “I mean that you’re ordinary, plain– I’m hearing it now.”

“Took you long enough.”

“What I mean to say,” he clarified, “is that you are not nearly as eccentric as the people I normally surround myself with, which is refreshing, and I’d like to know your opinion on this.” You would not say that he seemed nervous. You would describe it more as eager, almost pleading, as if he was imploring you to understand him.

You sighed. He was getting to you. “Sure, man.” You kept your eyes on the road. “What’s the question?”

You felt his eyes back on you. “What do you think of murder?”

You held up a finger at him. “Trick question, sir. I’m not about to be convicted of anything.”

“I mean as a concept. What do you think of it, generally?”

You took a deep breath. “I think that it depends.”

“On what?”

“On who and why.”

He hummed in acknowledgment. “Elaborate.”

“Well,” you shrugged, “it’s like the bomb stuff. Obviously, it’s not great that it’s a thing but as a last resort… I mean there are worse things.”

“Okay. I’ll ask another question.” You heard him shift on the seat. “How many people have to die before that stops applying?”

You pursed your lips. “I don’t understand the question.”

“That is, how many people die by one person’s hands before it stops being about morality? At what point is it evil?”

You thought about it. “I don’t think it’s a number.” You glanced out of your rear window. “I’d say that it’s just at the point where the aggressors are dead. If you’re killing for self-defense, for example, as soon as you kill someone not involved or just because they’re related, then that’s a matter of sins of the father, which is wrong.”

He nodded. “What about if it was for religion?”

“More context needed.”

He set his head on his knees. “A man killing because he believes that sin must be eradicated and that, therefore, eliminating the root of that sin is morally justified: would you say that’s evil?”

“No.”

“How so?”

“Evil implies malice.” You rubbed your eyes with the heel of your palm. “He’s not evil, his moral code is just totally screwed.”

“Okay.” He nodded. “So you think intent is important in judging the morality of an action.”

“Yeah. You know this is a weird line of questioning, right?”

He turned his head to face out the windshield. “I do. Still, I feel like that’s something important to know.”

You nodded. “You have an opinion on this, I take it?”

“I do.”

“Care to share with the class?”

He took a deep breath. “There is such a thing as objective morality. Murder, for example, is objectively wrong. Because objective morality exists, if you intentionally, undeniably kill someone, that is an evil act and should be punished as such.”

You nodded. “So outside of whether or not you mean to murder, to you, it doesn’t— or, rather, shouldn’t— matter?”

“Correct.”

“Question: why did you bring it up?”

“I don’t know.” He smiled bitterly. “I don’t know. I guess I do, but I don’t know how to articulate it.”

You nodded. “I get that. One of those days?”

“More like two weeks, but yes.”

“It shows.” You shrugged. “If it’s any consolation it happens to everyone.”

“Sure.” He wrapped his arms around his legs. “Can I ask you something else?”

There was that electricity, again, like the first time, that startling alertness. “You can ask anything you want; I’ll just choose not to answer if I don’t wanna.”

He was picking at his nails again. “How do you know when you’re too desensitized to something?”

You glanced up at one of the street signs as you drove by. You were not too far from home, now. “Example.”

He brought his fingers to his mouth. “If I get punched in the throat every day for a decade,” he started slowly, “and, at some point, I stop feeling when it happens, should I feel grateful that I don’t feel it anymore? Or should I feel something negative because I’ve lost feeling in that area, that I’ve been made tougher?”

You paused. “What do you think?”

“I think… I think I mind it.” Shadows from the highway lights slid across his face, turning his skin an odd shade of yellow. “I haven’t always been so numb to things that should bother me. I feel inhuman, almost. It’s not a good feeling.” He looked up at you. “That’s part of why I went out of my way to try and see you again; I genuinely care about seeing you.”

“Then you have your answer.” You did not understand him. You never would, fully. But here, now, you could see why you had bothered to spend all that time waiting for him at the terminal, why you had gone even though he had ghosted you for weeks. Because behind his cold black eyes glistened a vulnerability, and if you had to stand at terminals for the rest of your life, you felt as though you would. In those hunched shoulders laid a hypnotizing weakness. You would be the one to see it.

He rubbed his eyes. “I see why people do this.”

“Do what?”

“This. Talk to people.”

“Do you not?”

“It’s not that I don’t,” he exhaled slowly, “but it’s never about stuff like this. It’s always about work. In all fairness, that’s partially my fault.”

You smiled reassuringly. “Don’t you worry.” You gave him a thumbs up. “I’m always down to talk.”

The rest of the ride was generally uneventful.

The walking skeleton that was your roommate stepped inside, looked around, exhaled, and collapsed in a heap on the floor.

Fortunately, he did not hit his head on the coffee table. Unfortunately, he did not seem to be waking up. Naturally, this was somewhat distressing to you. Thoroughly panicking and not sure whether or not you were meant to call a doctor or if he would be opposed, you dug through his bag until you found his phone— a burner phone, but it would do— and called the only number in the call history.

The voice on the other end sounded groggy. “Are there—“

“Is this Watari?”

There was silence on the other end.

You continued without him. “Hi, I’m— well, I don’t know his name yet, but he’s my… I dunno, but I drove him home,” you heard yourself panicking, trying very quickly not to sound as if you were. “Well, he passed out and he’s not waking up.”

There was more silence.

“Do I call an ambulance?”

“He will be asleep for the next seventeen to twenty-four hours,” he explained calmly. “So long as he doesn’t lie face-down he will be fine.” And with that, you were hung up on.

He woke up nineteen hours later. He seemed confused, almost, given the situation; he laid carefully on the couch with his head resting on a pillow, you, in the kitchen, trying your hardest.

He sat up, blowing a piece of hair out of his face. He rubbed his eyes, silently confirming that he was not being kidnapped, before finally settling his sights on the coffee table. There, displayed in all its glory, was the completed image of A Starry Night.

You popped your head into the living room. “Morning, sleepyhead,” you called. “Well, evening, but you get the gist.”

He looked back at you over his shoulder. “You finished the puzzle.”

“I did.” You stepped properly into the room. “You still look dead.”

“Why did you finish it?”

You leaned against the doorframe. “What do you mean why?”

“You hated that puzzle.”

You stuck your tongue out at him. “What else was I supposed to remember you by? Your coffee cups?” You crossed your arms. “That shit’s gross.”

He looked back at the puzzle, back to you. “You wanted something to remember me by?”

“Yeah.” You shrugged, glancing off. “I liked spending time with you.”

He stood up, sliding his hands into his pockets. “That’s usual, right?”

“Yup.”

He smiled. “I’m sorry.”

“What for?”

“Just in general.” He walked over to you, looking over your shoulder. “Lasagna?”

You nodded. “It’s one of three things I know how to make.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Not really.” You pushed him away gently. “But you need to wash up. You smell like airport.”

He checked to confirm. You were not lying. With a nod, he grabbed his bag, staggering off into the bathroom with the confidence expected of a man who just woke up in an apartment other than his own.

You watched him leave, sighed, went back to the kitchen. There was a window in that bathroom. He could leave if he tried, if he wanted.

He did not, and for that, you were grateful.

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dialovers-translations · 4 years ago

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Diabolik Lovers VANDEAD CARNIVAL ;; Present from Mukami [PART 1]

ー The scene starts in Yui’s bedroom

Yui: Today’s Christmas Eve, huh...?

( When I was still living with Father, we were always extremely busy during this time of year with preparations for the Christmas Mass. )

( We would decorate the church for the Mass...or make tons of sweets to hand out to the children as gifts... )

( Somehow that feels like part of a distant past now... )

Haah...

ー Kou enters the room

Kou: Heya~! M-neko-chan~!

Yui: ...Kou-kun?

Kou: No need to act so surprised, right? What’s wrong? You seem kind of down?

Yui: Um, could you please knock on the door before entering? I’d really appreciate it...

Kou: Eh~~? Why bother going through the extra trouble?

Besides, I live here, remember? My house, my rules, no?

Yui: H-Hm...That might be the case, but...

( I have a feeling he won’t understand... )

So, why are you here? Is there anything you need from me...?

Kou: Hm~~? I only came to hang out because I was bored~

Yui: I see. Are you off from work today?

Kou: Exactly! Today’s my first free day in a long time!

Anyway, more importantly, M-neko-chan. You were talking about how it’s Christmas Eve today earlier...Right?

Yui: Yeah...I had a bit of an ‘oh, right!’ moment.

Kou: ‘Oh, right’...? You’re talking as if you only just noticed.

Yui: Yeah...But I really did recall only now. It totally slipped my mind...

Kou: To think you’d forget about such an important event! Is everything okay, M-neko-chan?

Yui: I mean, you guys don’t celebrate Christmas, do you?

Kou: Hmー Well, we’re Vampires after all. We obviously don’t feel like celebrating it, nor are we interested.

Yui: ...Figured as much. There aren’t any Christmas decorations inside the house either...

Besides, I haven’t gone out much as of late either...

Kou: Now that you mention it, you’ve just been going back and forth between here and school without making any additional stops, huh?

If you were to head out, you’d discover that the whole city is in a Christmas mood.

There really is no way to look past it, whether you like it or not...

Yui: Yeah, but I haven’t gotten a chance to go look...So I completely forgot...

Kou: Hmー...

Ah, say, M-neko-chan? How have you spent your Christmas Eve in the past?

Yui: Eh...?

Kou: I mean, I don’t know how normal families celebrate the holidays.

Yui: Hm...Right. My personal experience might be a little different from the standard though.

Kou: Heeh? In what way?

Yui: You know that my Father works as a Priest, right?

Kou: Ahー I feel like I heard that somewhere before.

Yui: We hold a Mass at church on Christmas day, so we have to prepare for that the night before.

Kou: Prepare? Like the Christmas lights they put up in town?

Yui: Yeah. Ours weren’t quite as elaborate, of course.

On the day of the Mass, the visitors light a candle, take a seat and pray...

Then afterwards we read passages from the Bible.

At the very end, someone will play the orgle and everyone sings together.

It creates such a lovely medley of singing voices...I loved that part.

Kou: Hmm, I see...But is that actually fun?

Yui: Yeah, it is. It is an important day to me after all.

( It’s a day full of memories of the time I spent with Father as well, after all... )

Kou: Hmー So that’s how it is. I mean, I don’t really understand but...Oh, I know!

The other day, this one person at work told me that Christmas Eve is a special day you should spend with your lover. (1)

Have you ever spent Christmas Eve with a special someone before?

Yui: No...I was always helping out for the Mass at Church after all...

Kou: I see...

ー Ruki enters the room

Ruki: The two of you are making a ruckus. At least close the door when you’re talking.

Yui: Ah, Ruki-kun...Yuma-kun and Azusa-kun as well. What’s the matter?

Yuma: We just happened to run into each other in the hallway. Ya guys were talkin’ hella loud.

Yui: S-Sorry...

Azusa: Eve and Kou...The two of you seemed to be having a fun chat.

Kou: Really? It wasn’t anything special though.

Ruki: Anyway, Kou, come with me. Livestock, you stay in your room.

Yui: S-Sure...

Kou: Eh~~...? Oh well, whatever. I got to learn something new at least.

See you later, M-neko-chan~!

ー The four of them leave

Yui: They left...

( Somehow it suddenly got quiet. )

( ...Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded talking for a little longer... )

ー The scene shifts to the living room

Kou: ...Say, say, Ruki-kun. Why don’t the four of us throw a Christmas party?

Ruki: Haah...I was wondering what you would bring up all of a sudden.

Kou: I mean, M-neko-chan seemed kind of sad, you see~

She was raised at a Church, right?

So it seems like Christmas and such brings back a lot of memories for her.

Yuma: So that’s what the two of ya were talkin’ ‘bout earlier, huh?

Azusa: ...Say, what is...Christmas?

Kou: Ah, are you interested, Azusa-kun?

Christmas itself is on the 25th of December and the day before that is called ‘Christmas Eve’.

It’s the day on which they celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ~

Azusa: Heeh, then...Today is the 24th so it’s...Christmas Eve...right?

Kou: Exactlyー! So I was thinking we could hold a little celebration?

Ruki: Azusa, did you not celebrate Christmas back when you were still human?

Azusa: ...We did not have that kind of celebration...

Ruki: How about you, Yuma?

Yuma: Hmー... Now that ya mention it, I do feel as if the city was a lil’ more lively ‘round this time of year...I think...?

I might have celebrated it back when I was a child, but I forgot.

Kou: I’m pretty sure my answer should be obvious but...Ah, you must have celebrated it, right, Ruki-kun?

Ruki: Well, yes.

Kou: Makes sense. You are a rich boy after all~

Azusa: Say, Ruki? How exactly do you celebrate it...?

Ruki: You decorate the inside of the house, say your prayers to God and enjoy a meal with the whole family.

There’s special foods and snacks which are only enjoyed on that particular day of year...

Also, you would exchange presents...I suppose that about sums it up.

Azusa: ...Exchanging presents...I honestly don’t care about the exchanging part. I’d much rather just be on the receiving end of all the punches...

Kou: Ahaha...Putting your wishes aside for a second...

Don’t you want to try and hold a Christmas party?

We’ve never really done something like that with the whole family, right? Come on, why not?

Ruki: Family, huh...?

Yuma: That bein’ said, Vampires celebratin’ the birth of Christ is kinda fucked up, no?

Kou: Should we not? Do you think he’ll be upset with us?

Ruki: ...Well, while I doubt he will be thrilled about it, that man has connections to the Church of his own, so he might understand in a sense.

I doubt he will condemn us if we hold a small celebration at home.

Kou: Right~? In that case, let’s get this party rolling~!

Ruki: Yuma, Azusa. What do you two think?

Yuma: ...Ahー...

Azusa: ...

Yuma: Oi, Kou. The Sow’s havin’ a rough time, right?

Kou: Yeah, she is.

Azusa: I...personally don’t care much about the party itself but...I don’t want...Eve to be sad...

Yuma: Nnー Well, it’s not really for her sake, but I don’t see any harm in doin’ this sorta stuff for once?

Ruki: ...

Kou: Fufu~ In that case, we just need permission from Ruki-kun...~!

Ruki: Haah...You’ll all be helping out, including during the clean-up, understood?

Yuma: Oh! Which means...

Ruki: Exactly...I suppose it will make for a nice change of pace.

We haven’t really spent much time together as a family up until now after all.

Furthermore, pleasing Livestock is part of our duty as her masters.

Kou: Hooray~~!!

In that case, we need to get started with all of the preparations!

Azusa: ...

Ruki: Oi, Azusa. Where are you going?

Azusa: I figured I’d go...tell Eve that we’ve decided to hold a party...

Kou: Eh!? You’re going to tell her?

Yuma: Aah? Should we not?

Kou: Hmー Don’t you think this is a perfect chance to make it a surprise?

Yuma: Surprise...? The fuck’s that?

Ruki: It means to catch them by surprise. In other words, you keep it a secret until the very second they arrive at the party...

Kou: I’m sure she’ll be ten times happier than if she already knew about the party beforehand!

I’m an idol, remember?

So I’ve had people throw a surprise birthday party for me before.

I felt so happy back then!

Yuma: Hm. Is that how it works? Well, fine by me.

Ruki: Azusa, you’ve heard us. You don’t need to go inform her.

Azusa: Mmh. Understood...

Kou: Hmー Holding a Christmas party is fine and all but...

Yuma: The problem’s how to prepare for it. We need to decorate the place, but I have no fuckin’ clue which decorations to pick.

Azusa: I wonder what kind of...dishes we should serve...?

Kou: Let’s leave that part to Ruki-kun.

Ruki: Right. Just leave the cooking up to me. Which leaves...

ー The scene shifts to Yui’s bedroom

Yui: ( Hm...It’s a little chilly in here... )

( I’m pretty sure quite some time has passed since the others left as well. I wonder what they’re up to...? )

( Right. I suppose I’ll check up on them while I go grab myself a hot beverage. )

ー The scene shifts to the hallway

Yui: ...

Kou: Let’s leave that part to Ruki-kun.

Ruki: Right. Just leave the cooking up to me. Which leaves...

Yui: ( Ah...Kou-kun and Ruki-kun’s voices... )

( I wonder what they’re talking about...? )

Excuse meーー

ー The scene shifts to the living room

Ruki: ...Oh...

Kou: Eh? M-neko-chan!?

Yuma: ...Ya sure have the worst timin’, huh...?

Yui: Eh!? I’m sorry. Should I not have come in...?

Azusa: No, it’s fine...We were just talking about throwing you a surprise Christmas party

Yui: Eh...?

Kou: Waiーー!! Azusa-kun! What are you saying!?

Azusa: I mean...It’s not like we can still cover it up at this point. If we try and hide it...We’ll only end up making her uncomfortable. ...Right?

Ruki: Yes, Azusa, you are absolutely right. We could have always sent her back to her room, but I’m sure she would have been worried about us secretly scheming something behind her back.

If we upset her, we’re basically rendering our intentions null.

Yuma: Haah, I mean, that’s true but...We could have at least tried to keep it a secret...

Kou: Haah...Guess there’s no point now...

ーー And with that being said, we shall now commence with the preparations of the Mukami family’s very own Christmas party~!

Yui: Eh...!? We’re holding a Christmas party together!?

Yuma: That’s what we said earlier, remember? Are yer ears still workin’?

Yui: No, they are but...I’m just shocked...

I’m just wondering if it’s okay for you all to celebrate Christmas even though you’re Vampires?

Ruki: You don’t need to worry about that.

Kou: Exactly! Don’t fret over the small details~!

Are you not happy? You get to celebrate with us!

Yui: Of course I am...! I’m just surprised, that’s all.

Kou: I don’t think there’s any time to be surprised though? We have to hurry up and prepare or Christmas will be here before we know it!

Yui: Ah, right!

Kou: Okayー! Let’s get started with these preparations right away!

Azusa: Eve...We’ve never held a proper party before...Can you tell us what we should do...?

Kou: First off, it’d be a great help if you could give us some pointers on how to decorate the house.

Yui: Well, we have to make actual decorations first...

Ruki: I assume it would be much quicker to just head to the store rather than explaining it here first.

Yuma: Good point. I doubt I’ll understand from some explanation alone.

Azusa: ...Yeah...

Ruki: There you have it. We are heading out at once.

Yui: Sure!

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the department store

Yui: ( I never thought I’d one day go shopping with all of the guys like this... )

( That alone counts as a Christmas miracle. )

Yuma: Whatcha been grinnin’ ‘bout this whole time?

Yui: Ah, right. I’m just so happy we’re all able to go shopping like this...

Yuma: Heh, you’re gonna find yerself lost ‘gain if ya keep yer head in the clouds like that. Wouldn’t be the first time after all.

Yui: I...I’ll be careful.

Kou: Fufufu, so you’re aware of it at least.

Yui: Y-Yeah...

( It’s not that I actually walk away by myself though... )

Ruki: The food’s next on the list, huh? Oi, is there anything in particular you’d like to eat?

Azusa: ...I’d like something doused in plenty of red chili powder...

Ruki: ...Azusa, let’s try and stick to Christmas food this time.

Azusa: ...Fine...

But what exactly is ‘Christmas food’...?

Ruki: Hm...

Yuma: ...We don’t know if our personal preferences fit the holiday spirit after all.

So shouldn’t we just leave that choice up to the Sow?

Kou: Exactly. That’s why we called her over, so the two of you should talk it over and make a quick decision.

Ruki: ...I suppose it cannot be helped. That seems like the most time-efficient solution.

Livestock, what did your family eat for Christmas?

Yui: Let’s see...I suppose Turkey or Roast Beef are both staples on any Christmas dinner table!

Ruki: You’re only naming meat...

Yui: Of course, we eat salad as well? Mixing in vegetables cut into cute shapes and such...

Yuma: The fuck does that mean? All veggies are the same, right?

Yui: You can use cutters to shape them like hearts or stars. I guess you’ll get an idea if we go to the deli counter...?

Yuma: Ready-made dishes?

Yui: Ah, I didn’t mean we have to buy anything, but I figured we could gather some inspiration.

Yuma: Geez, I thought ya were gonna take the easy way out. It’s a party after all.

So we’re obviously gonna make everythin’ at home from scratch, right?

Yui: Yeah! Of course.

Ruki: I suppose it’ll give us an idea of what we can make. Well then, let’s go buy the ingredients first.

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: I’m glad we got our hands on some delicious-looking meat!

Ruki: Yes. I’m looking forward to preparing it.

Yui: ( I managed to buy everything I need for the cake as well, so I’ll try my best at making it! )

( I hope they’ll like it... )

Kou: Say, let’s go pick out a tree next! The biggest one they have!

Yuma: Geez, are ya a lil’ kid or somethin’?

Yui: Fufu, you’re interested in decorating it, right?

Kou: I mean, it’s all sparkly and pretty, right? Just like me, no?

Azusa: Let’s buy lots of star-shaped decorations...

Kou: Come on, Azusa-kun. Don’t ignore me.

Azusa: Eh...? Ah, yeah...Sorry...

Yui: Do you like stars, Azusa-kun?

Azusa: Yeah...They’ve got these sharp and pointy ends...So I’m sure they’d hurt a lot...

Yui: S-So that’s why...

Ruki: Azusa, you better not think of tainting those stars with your blood.

Kou: Exactly! Today’s Christmas after all, a day you are meant to enjoy with your family!

Well then~ Which one to buy?

ー Kou runs off

Ruki: Oi, Kou. Don’t run off by yourself.

I won’t allow for any extra purchases. We’ll only buy the necessities.

Kou: Eeeeeh~? Whaaat~? You cheapskate!

Ruki: I don’t mind being a cheapskate. This is important money we’ve received from that man.

I can’t be wasteful with it.

Kou: Well, I get where you’re coming from but...

Yui: ( Everyone seems to be having fun. )

( Like this, it almost seems like we’ve become an actual family... )

*TIMESKIP*

Yui: Phew, we bought more than I anticipated.

Yuma: That’s ‘cause Kou kept on wantin’ to buy all this shit, right?

Kou: Eeh~? You’re blaming me? Fufu, I won’t deny it. However, we didn’t buy anything we didn’t need, right?

Yuma: I mean, we didn’t, I guess...

Ruki: Let’s go over everything one more time. Is this pretty much everything we need for the tree and decorations...?

Yui: Yeah! We’re all set!

Yuma: We’ve got the vegetables I grew at home as well, so this should do.

Kou: Aah~ We’re actually celebrating Christmas. I can’t wait!

Ruki: Kou, you’re being way too excited. Mind your manners.

Kou: Oh come on, let me be! I never got to experience this as a child after all!

Yuma: Well then, we’re gonna be busy once we get home~!

Yui: Speaking of which...Where did Azusa-kun...? Ah, there he is!

( I wonder why he’s just standing there? )

Azusa: Say, Ruki...

Ruki: ...? What’s the matter?

Azusa: I want this knife...

Yui: K-Knife...?

( Why is he holding a knife...? )

Kou: Hold up, Azusa-kun, where did you get that?

Azusa: ...Why not? I want this to give me pain...

Yui: A-Azusa-kun! What are you saying...!?

Ruki: Azusa, go return it to the store.

Azusa: Please? ...The shape of this blade is so pretty, and it looks very sharp as well...

Ruki: No means no. Azusa, you have to put it back where you found it.

Azusa: No way....But I want it so badly...I can’t give up on it...

Yui: Azusa-kun...

Azusa: ...Come on, I want it, no matter what...

Kou: Azusa-kun! You don’t need a knife on a fun day like this!

Azusa: No...This is special...

Yui: ( What to do? Azusa-kun’s not giving in at all. )

Yuma: Oi, at this rate we’ll never make it back home.

Azusa: Then...Can we buy it?

Yuma: Just listen to Ruki for today. Ya can buy that crap whenever, right?

Azusa: ...

Yuma: God, listen up...

Ruki: Azusa.

Yui: ( O-Oh no...Ruki-kun started getting angry as well. )

U-Um, Azusa-kun...

Yuma: Ya stay out of this.

Yui: B-But...

Yuma: Geez, guess it can’t be helped. I’ll go bring it back with him.

Ruki: My bad, Yuma.

Yuma: Yeah. ...Come on, Azusa, let’s go.

Azusa: ...No.

*Rustle*

Yui: Ah! Yuma-kun! If you grab him by his collar like that, you’ll hurt him....

Azusa: Ah...It hurts...I can barely breathe...Haah...Amazing...Uu...

Yui: ( A-Azusa-kun is...happy? )

Ruki: Azusa, don’t cause Yuma too much trouble, okay?

Azusa: Yeah...

Yuma: Che! Ya say that but you’re already bein’ a pain in the ass! Come on, walk by yerself already!

Azusa: Nn, but...It’s suffocating...

Yuma: That’ll fix itself if ya just use yer own damn legs, no?

Azusa: It’d rather stay like this a little longer.

Yui: ( He’ll be okay, right? Yuma-kun’s with him after all... )

ー Yuma walks away with Azusa

Ruki: Let’s go. We’ll head back first and get everything ready.

ー Ruki starts walking away

Yui: Eh? Don’t we need to wait for them?

Kou: Yuma-kun may be with him, but knowing Azusa-kun...

Yui: ...?

Kou: Azusa-kun has a hard time letting go of things once they pique his interest.

Yui: I see...

( It might take a while until they get back... )

I hope it won’t turn into a fight.

Kou: Hmー I guess that’ll depend on Azusa-kun’s behavior?

Ruki: What are you two doing? Let’s go.

Kou: Roger~!

Yui: ( Yuma-kun’s actually quite good at looking after others, so we can leave this up to him, right...? )

*TIMESKIP*

ー The scene shifts to the living room

Kou: Phew~ These were so heavyー

Ruki: Good grief, I’m exhausted...

Yui: ( We’ve got quite a lot of bags... )

Ruki: Well then, we’ve got no time to lose. Let’s start preparing.

If we procrastinate for too long, we’ll only waste time.

I’m heading towards the kitchen to get started on the food.

Kou: Gotcha~!

Guess I’ll get started with the decorations then.

Ruki: We’re counting on you.

Kou: Roger!

Yui: Ruki-kun, I’ll help out as well!

Ruki: Yeah, that would be great.

Kou: I’m looking forward to seeing what you’ll make for us!

Yui: Mmh! I’ll try my best to make something delicious, okay?

*THUD*

Yuma: Honestly, I went through fuckin’ hell and back!

I’m never cleanin’ up Azusa’s mess again!

Yui: S-Sounds like they’re back. He seems really upset though. I wonder what happened...?

Ruki: I assume Azusa threw one of his stubborn tantrums. Oi, Livestock.

Yui: Y-Yes!

Ruki: Go pass on this message to them. Please tell them they should get started with their own tasks.

Yui: Yeah, sure. I’ll go tell them.

ー The scene shifts to the hallway

Yui: Welcome back, you two.

Azusa: If I don’t get that knife, I’ll...I’ll...

Yuma: Aah, let it go already! What’s so damn nice ‘bout that knife anyway!?

Azusa: ...

Yui: ( Seems like they don’t even realize I’m here. )

( That being said, if I leave them be, they’ll run late with their preparations. )

Um, you guys! Welcome back!

Azusa: ...Wah...You startled me.

Yuma: Aah? The fuck, Sow? You’ve been standin’ there this whole time?

Yui: Yeah...Um, Ruki-kun has already started preparing everything, so he’d like the two of you to help out as well.

Azusa: But, the knifeーー

Yuma: Ya really don’t know when to give up, huh? We’re done talkin’ ‘bout that!

Azusa: ...You blockhead.

Yuma: Speak for yerself!!

Yui: ( O-Oh no... )

( I can’t leave things like this. I have to stop them somehow... )

U-Um!!

Azusa-kun, Kou-kun has started on the decorations, so can I rely on you to help him with that?

Azusa: ...

Yui: Both me and Yuma-kun understand very well just how badly you want that knife...

But we have to get on with the Christmas preparations now, so I’d really appreciate it if you could help out...

Azusa: ...What about you?

Yui: Eh?

Azusa: What will you do?

Yui: I’m going to make the Christmas cake.

Azusa: ...Okay. I want to try your cake, so I’ll forget about the knife...For a while, at least...

Yuma: ‘For a while’, my ass! Forget ‘bout that thing forever!

Yui: Shh, calm down, Yuma-kun.

Azusa: I’ll go help Kou then.

Yui: Yeah, good luck.

ー Azusa walks away

Yuma: Heh. You’re really startin’ to get the hang of how to handle that guy, huh?

Yui: Y-You think so...?

Yuma: Well, whatever. Anyway, Ruki’s already in the kitchen, ya said?

Yui: Yeah, I think he’s getting everything ready to start cooking.

Yuma: I’ll go get some veggies from the garden then.

Yui: Ah, Yuma-kun! Could you maybe let me have some fruit to use for the cake?

Yuma: Roger. I’ll make sure to grab a few, so ya get yer ass over to the kitchen ‘kay?

Yui: Yeah, thanks!

ー Yuma walks away as well

Yui: Well then...

( I’ll try my best to bake the best cake ever as well! )

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

Translation notes

(1) While the holidays are often associated with family in the West, Christmas and especially Christmas Eve are strongly linked to couples in Japan.

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[ Part 2 ] →

#diabolik lovers #dialovers #vandead carnival #diabolik lovers translation #vcpresentfrommukami #ruki mukami #kou mukami #yuma mukami #azusa mukami

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quentinbecks · 3 years ago

Text

Summary: Charlie left Hope County years ago hoping never to come back. But when she learns of her parents involvement with the local doomsday cult, she finds herself heading back to a life she thought she left behind. (Begins two years before the reaping/events of the game)

Words: 5 k

Warnings: The typical lack of boundaries from the Seeds, slight use of violence, mentions of violence and death, peer pressure to use drugs (bliss), and this is a big one, lots of talk of anxiety/ build up to a panic attack.

A/N: Thank you so much to @adelaidedrubman and @johnnycranes for being my betas/second and third eyes on this! And to @smut-goblin for hitting me with the writing stick! You have no idea how much I appreciate you guys 💕 Since the atonement process begins now, hopefully I can start putting these out in a timely manner from here on out.

Chapter 4: Snakes in the Garden

“We’ll begin the process of atonement immediately.”

Charlie glances up at the man through her lashes. She should be trying to run away; pushing his hands off of her face, but she can’t. Frozen in place with John’s hands cupping her cheeks; their foreheads pressed together. From this angle she can see all the freckles that adorn his neck and collarbone. It almost makes him seem human.

“I thought,” she stammers, “I thought I was just getting baptized. That’s what we agreed to.”

John sighs, pulling away to look down at her; hands still gripping her face. “You will be cleansed, you will confess all of your sins, and then you will atone. That’s the only way you can reach true salvation. And you did just promise me you would allow me the gift of saving you,” he grits out, the hold on her face getting tighter as he goes on.

Charlie squirms away, attempting to free herself without making matters worse. “You’re hurting me,” she hisses as she grabs a hold of his hands. She may be willing to play along with his mind games; keep up whatever foolish charade she needs to to stay safe, but she draws the line at having pain inflicted on her.

The Baptist just nods as he backs away, hands held up as if to show her he won’t touch her.

Too fucking late.

But there was no apology, and Charlie can’t really say she’s surprised. “Listen,” she says as she leans against the brick wall, fingers rubbing the spots where her face was held, “you can have my soul or my salvation or whatever the fuck it is you want. But what happens to me afterwards?”

If she’s being honest, Charlie is afraid of the answer. Does she get to have a normal life? Just one within the parameters of the cult’s rules? Will they force her to marry another member of the project in one of those giant, mass weddings like the Moonies? Or will they just kill her? It’s selfish and would be a great betrayal to her friends, but she would marry The Father himself if it meant keeping them safe.

John sighs, sitting on the couch, legs crossed and arms spread across the back; posture too casual for such a tense environment. “I think it’s best we take the process day by day.”

Charlie glares at the man, only receiving a chuckle in return as he notices her olive eyes fill with rage. “Relax, sweetheart. I won’t send you back up to the mountains; back up to my big, bad, brother.”

Sitting down in the chair across from him, Charlie wills herself to calm down. The shock of the situation is starting to wear off rapidly and she can feel the panic inside her start to rise just as fast.

“Can we at least discuss the immediate future? Like, me going home?”

“What,” John teases, a hint of faux sadness in his voice, “you don’t like it here?”

Not really she thinks. But she would rather not vocalize her thoughts; too tired from all of the youngest Seed’s threats and games. She’s pretty sure she’ll combust from stress if she has to stay at the ranch a moment longer.

“Haven’t you had enough fun tormenting me for one day. I’m just,” her voice shakes and she can feel her heart start to pound; her anxiety starting to make itself known, “not in the mood for this shit. Please. Just let me go home.”

Charlie wishes she could kick her own ass at this very moment. Uncomfortable with becoming so emotional in front of John, but there was only so long that false sense of bravado and heroism could last. But the sight of his guest on the verge of a nervous breakdown does seem to have an effect on the man.

“Wait here.” He says, standing up and heading towards the door. He turns back before stepping out to look at her. “Don’t leave before I get back.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

John just gives her a smirk before leaving. Flopping back onto the chair with a sigh, Charlie closes her eyes. She’s sure trying to take a power nap in a herald’s house is just asking for trouble, but she’s too exhausted to care.

She’s barely relaxed for more than thirty seconds when the door bursts open causing her to jump.

“Charlene, this is Deanna. She’ll be taking you back.”

“What about you?” Charlie cringes inwardly at herself. Now she knows she really needs to get out of here, the environment is clearly taking a toll on her sanity quicker than she anticipated.

A faint smile creeps across John’s lips before he rights himself. “Don’t worry. Deanna is one of my most trusted chosen.”

Charlie takes in the woman she’s being handed off to. She’s not much older than her, tall, tan, and athletic. She can tell by the excited grin on the chosen’s face that the other woman will most likely get on her nerves.

“Hello, sister,” Deanna says with a wave.

“We’re not quite there yet.”

“Here,” John drops a white hardcover on her lap. “Try to read this before your baptism.”

Charlie thumbs through the book curiously. She may not have had any sort of religious education, but she’s pretty sure this isn’t the traditional Christian text.

“Is this a bible?”

“It’s the Book of Joseph.” The chosen chirps from across the room. “It shows us the hardships the Father went through and how God spoke to him and showed him the path; the path that would save us all from the Collapse.”

“Sounds enlightening.”

“It is.” John is behind her now, hands on her shoulders. “But as much as I would love to keep you here to continue this conversation, I thought you wanted to leave.”

Charlie recoils at his usage of the word “keep”. She can’t see the man, but she’s sure he’s wearing an arrogant smirk; a smirk that she would happily slap off of his face if she wasn’t trying to behave.

Nodding, she gets up. “Thank you for the talk. It’s been… eye-opening.”

John leans over the chair as he beams at her. “I’m just glad you agreed to let me,” he pauses as if he’s contemplating his words, “work with you.”

“Well, you didn’t leave me with much of a choice. Certain death or,” she gestures towards him, “you. And I like being alive, thank you very much.”

Charlie doesn’t bother to wait for a response, pushing past the chosen and out the door to wait on the steps. She doesn’t need to wait very long as Deanna follows after her almost immediately. “My truck’s down there,” the woman points down the driveway to an old, white pickup with a black Eden’s Gate sigil on the hood.

Following silently behind the other woman, she tries to catch her breath. Relax, she chants to herself internally. In only twenty minutes you’ll be safe. Charlie tells herself she can do this as she gets in the car. All she has to do is wait a few, short minutes and she can scream and cry as much as she wants to.

The car ride is silent for the most part and Charlie is glad for it. Until about halfway to her parent’s house when the chosen turns to look at her nervously. “So,” she pauses, chewing on her lip, “are you excited to be joining the project?”

Charlie gives her a snort in response. Leaning her head against the glass, she closes her eyes. “That’s an overstatement.”

“Well, I’m thrilled to have you here. I really like your mom.” Deanna gives her a grin before turning back to the road. “And besides, we don’t have many young women. It’ll be nice to have a friend.”

Friend Charlie scoffs. “Let’s just take this day by day,” she says, repeating the exact phrase John used on her earlier.

She’s relieved to see her parent’s house come into view as they turn the bend. Grabbing onto the handle, the young woman prepares to jump out the minute the truck pulls into the drive.

Charlie goes to shut the door when Deanna calls out to her. “I know you’re scared or angry or whatever it is you’re feeling, but I’m happy you’re here. Maybe we’ll even get to work at the ranch together.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” Slamming the door closed, Charlie heads towards the house. She looks back to watch the chosen back out. Once she’s absolutely sure she’s gone, Charlie heads to the bunker in the backyard.

Clutching The Book of Joseph that hasn’t left her hands since she left John’s house, she climbs down the ladder. Charlie gags once she’s inside the bunker, the musty air that hits her makes her think that it’s been years since anyone has been down there.

She barely makes it to the couch before her breath becomes labored, adding to her already rising blood pressure. Tossing the book on the sofa she begins to pace around the room. What is she supposed to do? How is she supposed to explain this to Eli? Will Mary May even trust her again after this?

Letting out a frustrated cry, Charlie slinks to the floor. She has to make them understand she’s doing this for them.

But are you really? Pops into her mind. She offered to join the project the moment she felt her life was in danger, not her friends. Protection for her friends only came as part of the bargain after she agreed to have her soul saved.

But is it really wrong to want to save yourself? To value your own life? Not really, she thinks. Trying not to dwell too hard on the guilt that’s eating at her, Charlie goes to pick up the radio she notices lying dusty and dormant on the desk.

Blowing the dust off, she turns the dials until she finds the channel that would reach Eli and the Wolf’s Den.

Pausing to sniffle, she presses down on the button to talk. “Hello? Eli? Tammy? Anyone? It’s Charlie.” She clears her throat awkwardly as she waits for a response. “Um, over?” She adds.

“Ya know, it’s not really necessary to say over.”

“I know, Wheaty, but no one was answering.”

Charlie can hear the younger man laugh into the microphone. “Well, ya gotta give us more than ten seconds to get to the radio, Charlie.”

“Patience has never been my strong suit.” Sighing, she bites her lip. Not sure of how to go about relaying the message about the mole in the militia; not even sure she should be telling them this. But, it’s the right thing to do. And it’s not like she made a promise to John about what she would do with the information either way.

“Is Eli around?”

“He’s out scoutin’ right now. Whatcha need?”

Charlie knows it’s not Wheaty who’s the betrayer, but she has a bad feeling about repeating the news over the airwaves.

“Is anyone else from the militia there?”

There’s a long pause over the line as she waits for the young militiaman’s answer.

“It’s just me and Tammy here. Why what’s wrong?”

Picking up the radio, Charlie goes to sit on the dilapidated couch. She takes in a deep breath, trying to quell the feeling in her gut that’s telling her she’s making a mistake.

“Tell them that there’s a snake in the garden. They snitched on me to the Seeds. They know I killed one of Jacob’s hunters and I-”

“Who is it? Are you at The Veteran’s Center?” Wheaty interrupts her. There’s a hitch in his breath as he asks his next question. “Did they take you?”

“No,” Charlie can feel tears start to fall and she digs her nails into her thigh to stop herself from openly showing her distress, “but I can’t come back to the Wolf’s Den anymore. That’s why I need you to report back to Eli, shit even Tammy, what I just told you.”

“But why-”

She lets out a deep sigh before cutting him off. “Can you just trust me? I’m trying to protect you. All I ask in return is you get rid of your rat infestation.”

Charlie waits, the static of the radio the only response.

“You got it.”

“Thanks, kid. I’ll see ya when I see ya.”

And with that she flicks off the power, unable to continue the conversation; unable to accept her newly minted fate.

Tossing the machine onto the ground, Charlie falls back onto the couch. She decides to spend the rest of her day inside the bunker, certain her parents won’t come searching for her here. She isn’t ready to hear the exuberance of her mother when she tells her the news of her joining the cult; if it was up to her she would have offered Charlie’s hand in marriage the moment she had stepped foot onto the compound.

Though, Christine has probably already found out if John was actually telling the truth about there being a meeting. She can’t bear to think about the two of them conspiring about her; about her future. It’s too much to deal with. The whole day has been too emotionally taxing for the young woman.

Charlie reaches behind her, picking up the stray Book of Joseph; her curiosity getting the better of her. She’s pretty sure the whole book will be monotonous; mundane monologues about their terrible childhoods. It’s the same bullshit with every cult leader. Regardless, she wants to find the juicy bits for future ammunition for the next time John Seed wants to throw jabs at her about her own youth. They’re alike, her ass.

Opening the book to a random page, Charlie settles in. Admittedly, the book is a hard read, both from Joseph’s unreliable narration and the abuse the two eldest Seeds regularly suffered. What catches her eye, though, are the bits of a young, barely more than a toddler, John being beaten; abuse so bad it forced the brothers into foster homes.

The new information forces Charlie to slam the book shut. She can’t help but feel guilt and pity for the man, all of them if she’s being honest, but especially John. She doesn’t know if these feelings are stemming from the parental neglect she suffered as a kid or if it’s because of her own desperate desire to become a mother; to be able to give a child a life she was deprived of. She doesn’t even know if any of this is actually; maybe it’s all a ploy for people like her to feel empathy for them.

Shaking her head, Charlie closes her eyes. Do not think of them as anything more than the monsters they are, she chides herself.

Curling up into a ball on the couch, she tries to relax; tries to clear her mind of all the dizzying emotions that came from today. After what feels like hours of breathing exercises and mantras to shut her brain off, she finally falls asleep.

The nightmare is the same as it is every night. Charlie finds herself being hunted through the Whitetails by one of Jacob’s red camo clad chosen. And just like always she kills them; just as it happened in real life. But this time, the outcome has changed.

It’s still her blood splattered face that’s exposed after the ski mask is ripped off, but the eyes staring back at her are no longer the hazel eyes of the recently deceased hunter. This time they’re sky blue; blue like the eye color shared by all of the male Seeds.

Charlie wakes up with a start. Heart racing wildly, she puts her palm over her chest in a vain attempt to calm it down.

“Fuck me.”

She’s no dream interpreter, but Charlie is definitely concerned this means something. Means that she’s become prey to the Seeds; that she’s become some sort of toy for them to play with at will. It’s distressing, especially since she’s worked for years to ensure she would never be in such a vulnerable position with men again. And now here she is; in the belly of the beast, but this time it’s worse. This time it’s with cult leaders rather than a gaslighting husband.

“I need a drink,” she mutters to herself as she sits up.

Charlie heads up to her parents house, the early summer sun blinding her as she exits the bunker. “Mom? Daddy?” she calls out once she’s made it back inside. The calls for her parents are met with dead silence.

Searching through rooms gives her no leads on where they could be until she finds a note plastered to the refrigerator.

“Princess,

Mammon and I will be out for most of the day. You can find your mother up at Black Horse Peak if there’s an emergency. I’ll be out fishing on the bay with a few friends from church. Both of us should be back by dinner time. Don’t get into any trouble while we’re gone, ma fille.

Love,

Papa”

Charlie sighs. She was hoping to not be alone after the nightmare she had, let alone the day she had previously. But, on the bright side now she has time to come up with a way to explain to her parents about her change of heart towards Eden’s Gate.

Deciding the best course of action would be to tell them over dinner; a dinner where she can spike her own drink to take the edge off. There’s no worries about them being disappointed or angry with her. No, she needs to drink to hide the disappointment in her own mother who will be delighted that her boss managed to break down her daughter into joining his family’s cult. In one day too. What a feat!

A couple hours pass with Charlie trying and failing to concoct a meal when there’s a knock at the door. Immediately going on guard since she wasn’t expecting any guests, she grabs a kitchen knife off the counter.

As she heads over to the door she peeks outside the window to see who her surprise visitor is. None other John Seed is standing there on her porch; a look of fury written all over his face.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” she says, slamming the knife down on the entrance table.

Opening the door with a bit of trepidation, Charlie begins to panic. Why would he come here when he could have just had her brought to him? Why come when she’s all alone? The normally well-coiffed Seed looks frazzled; his usual slick backed hair falling loosely in his face.

“What do you want?” she asks through the crack in the door. Instead of giving her a response, John pushes his way into the house.

“Oh, okay. Please, come inside,” Charlie grumbles as she slams the door shut.

She watches as John paces through the living room; watching as he runs a hand through his hair, letting out a dark chuckle as he does so. The situation started out unsettling and now it’s just flat out creeping her out.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” John asks, finally looking up at her.

Charlie blinks at him trying to understand what she could have possibly done in the last twenty four hours to anger him this badly. And then it dawns on her. She told the Whitetails about the mole amongst them and she’s guessing Eli handled the problem.

Oops.

“What exactly did you expect me to do? Allow your brother to keep getting intel on my friends? So he could, what, pounce on them when the timing was right? I don’t think so.”

“No, you’re right.” He clears his throat before leaning against the wall, no longer manically pacing around the room, but calm and collected. “I trusted you too early; had hoped you would be grateful for the gift I’ve given you, but I see now I was mistaken. Instead, you would rather squander it and try and pull off these childish antics of yours.”

John pushes himself off the wall, slowly making his way towards her; the action preemptively making her back herself against the counter.

“But I’m not worried about it. And you know why?” He knocks on the table as he continues on.

Charlie shakes her head “no”, uncertainty over whether that was the right answer setting in.

“Because Joseph saw you walk through the Gates of Eden with us; with me. So, I know all of the trouble you’re putting us through will be worth it in the end. I just need you to recognize your purpose and start behaving.”

They’re so close now; too close for Charlie’s comfort. She puts a hand between them; her fingers lightly touching his torso. The touch makes her flinch, but after he put her face in a vice-like grip just the day before, she’s not letting him get that close again.

“Walking through the Gates of Eden? What does that even mean?” She furrows her brow, she’s pretty certain Joseph is just making up visions to have his brother keep her in line, nevertheless the possible euphemism unnerves her. “Is that like heaven? Are you here to commit a murder suicide?”

Charlie quickly realizes that that may be the wrong thing to say when she sees the scowl cross John’s face.

He leans in closer to her, forcing her makeshift barrier of her wrist to drop. “You are in no position to be making jokes, sweetheart”, the Baptist glares down at her. “Because you, Charlene, in less than three weeks have managed to get two of our chosen killed. One by your own hand and,” John looks down towards her lips, “and one by your big fucking mouth,” he hisses at her.

“Good.” Charlie shoves him away, trying to reclaim some of her personal space. “That last one snitched on me; took my life away from me. So I guess we’re even now. Eye for an eye. Isn’t that what you people believe in?”

“You know, you’re not nearly as clever as you think you are.” Sitting on their loveseat, John splays himself out as if he owns the place; the overly cocky attitude in full swing again.

Admittedly, Charlie does feel some guilt over the news of another chosen dead. There’s a part of her that’s curious about who they were in the militia, but the other part doesn’t need that on her conscience; not when the first death has been haunting her dreams nightly.

“Joseph entrusted me with your atonement; he still has faith that you’ll come around. Jacob still believes you deserve to be punished. Now I’m of two sides,” he says, leaning forward. “I believe you need to be reprimanded for this; for making some of the project’s best hunters spend their morning burying their friend. But death is too harsh.”

“What – what were you thinking of doin’?” Charlie stutters, her drawl starting to slip out.

“I was thinking of moving up your baptism. To tonight.”

“No!” Charlie all but yells as she marches over to where John is perched. “I – I haven’t even read your brother’s book yet! I don’t know what I’m getting myself into! I don’t even have anything to wear!”

She’s practically in between the man’s legs and she’s half tempted to bend down and scream in his face; make him feel as small as he constantly makes her feel. But it’s inappropriate and she immediately rights herself of the urge.

“None of that matters. All that matters to me is that you start the process soon.”

It dawns on Charlie that she should be questioning John on why he is so insistent on keeping her alive; what he meant by her walking through the Gates of Eden with him specifically. But a voice inside of her tells that she’s certain to find out sooner rather than later; and she might not like the answers she gets.

“Can I at least find something decent here to wear?”

“Yes, but,” John shifts uncomfortably, “I need you to keep the door open. I can’t trust you to not try and run.”

Charlie laughs as she heads into her parent’s room. “Where could I run to that you wouldn’t find me?”

She shuts the door a crack, partly out of habit, partly because she doesn’t want John watching her undress. The thought of him seeing her naked alone makes her grimace.

It takes her a few minutes, but she’s able to find something buried in the closet. It's pink and floral, not her usual color, but it’s a sundress and that’s all that matters to her. Pulling her shorts and cropped top off she watches in the mirror as John loiters around her family’s dining room.

Uncomfortable with the Baptist going through their belongings, she quickly pulls the dress on; tossing her honey brown hair into a ponytail.

“Excuse me?”

“Ah, you’re ready,” he says as he comes and leans on the doorframe to the bedroom. “Like I said earlier, I can’t trust you. So I need you to do me a favor before we can leave.” John pulls a flask from his jacket pocket, handing it over to her as if she’s just supposed to accept a drink from him.

“I thought you guys banned this shit? Too good for a stiff drink or two.”

“It’s not alcohol.”

Charlie scoffs. He wants to roofie her so she’ll behave; be a good girl for the Seeds. And he thinks she’s going to consent to this? Fuck that.

“Then I’m not drinking it. Not until you tell me what’s in it.” She has spent way too many years practicing drink safety to just take a drugged drink, even if the man giving it to her is warning her in advance.

“It’s bliss,” John says as if she would understand what that means. But he sees the confusion written all over her face. “It’s safe. You’ll be fine. It’ll keep you calm for a couple of hours. Enough to get you through the cleansing . And after that,” he smiles down at her, “we can work on building trust.”

“What if I say no?”

John’s smile turns sour suddenly, stepping forward to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “Like I said earlier, I’ll be forced to take your sins out the people you love the-“

“Okay, enough with the threats,” Charlie groans as she snatches the flask from his hands. “You’re a huge dick, ya know that?” She shoves past him, “a real pushy asshole.”

Uncapping the flask, she takes a sniff. It’s oddly sweet smelling. Maybe it won’t be so bad? She thinks to herself. John watches her intently as she puts the container to her lips. She can’t help but feel that he’s enjoying this too much.

The drink itself is bitter in spite of its fragrant scent. The taste makes her want to throw the flask across the room; then maybe projectile vomit afterwards. She manages to get a bit down before handing it off to John.

“I think I’m ready,” she says, trying to hold the bile in her throat down.

John nods, heading out the door. Charlie starts to feel nervous as she follows suite; afraid that she may pass out and be taken to God knows where to have God knows what done to her.

“Don’t worry about the door. I’ll have one of my chosen let your family know where you are so they can join us.”

“Okay,” she mumbles, allowing John to open the car door for her to get in.

Eli and the Whitetails will come for you soon. They know you’re in trouble now and he’ll come and save you. They have to. She thinks as she watches the youngest Seed walk around the vehicle to get in as well. And she wants his head on a platter when they do.

There’s not much time to dwell on thoughts of being rescued. John has barely backed out of the driveway by the time Charlie has started seeing green and feeling dizzy. Her head drops back to fall against the cool leather of the headrest.

“I’m just gonna rest my eyes for a moment,” she slurs; eyes drooping shut. Before she knows it, she’s out cold; on the way to start the most interesting chapter of her life thus far.

#fic: stillness in woe #john seed x oc #john seed #oc: charlie berger #far cry 5 fic #yay! baptism next chapter #we’re really in it now

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itsclydebitches · 6 years ago

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Discredit Pt. 2: More Recommended Reviews For A.Z. Fell’s

Alright, folks. Some notes first:

1. You all rock. I’m sending out 20k+ virtual hugs for all the notes I NEVER expected to get on this nonsense.

2. This is probably the final section, just because I’m not sure I can adequately follow up part one and it might be foolish to attempt it here. Let alone twice. But for now, here we go.

3. Kudos to the anon who reminded me of Aziraphale’s cash-only policy <3

4. Nicole Y’s review is based off an actual comment I read years ago, but heaven only knows where online it was. I’ve got the memory of a goldfish.

5. Trigger warning for the use of a queer slur in this. It’s the same review as above, number 5 if you want to avoid it.

6. There’s a text-only version of just the reviews at the end, after all the images. I’ll upload that to my Sparse Clutter collection on AO3 in a bit.

Bonus 7. People thinking this is a real shop deserve all the good things in this world.

That’s all I’ve got. Hope you enjoy! 👍

****************************************************************************

I’m a simple guy who likes simple jokes. If there’s a whoopee cushion I plant it. I will call you up to ask if your refrigerator is running and then tell you to go catch it. (Actually that one died out so thoroughly it’s actually capable of a comeback now!). Yes, I’m a dad and yes, I have a t-shirt that says Dad Jokes? I Think You Mean Rad Jokes! which I wear un-ironically every Saturday. All of which is just to say that my wife was well prepared for my stupidity when I walked into Fell’s.

I? I was not.

You see the bibles when you walk in? The ones to the left? Let them be. Don’t even look at them. Definitely don’t pick out the fanciest one you can find and absolutely don’t walk up to the owner with it held in your pudgy little fingers, grinning like a loon, cheerfully asking whether this should be in the fiction section. Just don’t. Mark my words you’ll regret it. Though your wife won’t. She’ll get a great old laugh out of it all.

In conclusion: it’s quite possible that mama did raise a fool and he just got his ass verbally whooped by a guy in a bowtie.

***

Shout-out to Mr. Fell for being the only decent bloke in this city. I’ve popped in and out of his store for years—including before I started transitioning. So he knew my dead name, dead look, whole shebang and I was definitely nervous to play the ‘You know me, but this is what’s changed and are you gonna throw a fit about it?’ game.

You know what he said? “Oh, Rose! What a lovely choice. Crowley dear, why aren’t you growing any roses? Some white ones would look splendid next to my Henredon chair.”

That’s it. He just went straight into dragging his partner for not giving him roses. So hey, Mom? Next time you’re snooping through my social media why don’t you explain to all these nice people why the 50+yo book seller accepts me in ways you won’t. Don’t go telling me age is an excuse or that you’re ‘Stuck in your ways.’ I’ve watched Fell dress in the same damn clothes since I was ten!!

Yeah. Sorry. Rant over. Fell’s a gem. That’s my take. Rose out.

***

Anyone else in the shop when that guy started yelling about buying pornography? And then got escorted into the back room for some ‘private conversation’? Well done, Mr. Fell! Didn’t know you had it in you.

***

Alright alright alright alright I am TOTALLY calm about this.

Went into A.Z. Fell’s last Thursday. Not because I knew anything about the place. Just because I’ve been hitting up every bookshop within a twenty-mile radius, asking if they’re hosting any book signings. Long story short I self-published my novel Blight last month—which you can get for a mere £5 here but I swear this isn’t a promotional thing I’m just BROKE—and have been looking for networking opportunities, tips, stuff like that. So the owner listened politely as I explained all this. Then said he didn’t do anything of that sort, which didn’t surprise me given the shop’s vibe.

But then? Then??? He offered to let me do a signing there??????

As said. Totally calm about this. This man either plans to kidnap me or is actually giving me my first shot at an audience outside my blog. AKA totally worth the risk.

Tuesday the 9th. 7:00pm. Just in case anyone’s interested ;)

***

holy sweet baby jesus i was tripping balls last week you tryin’ to tell me that kING KONG SIZED FANGED FUCK SNAKE IS REAL

***

Witnessed the most perfect exchange the other day:

Grumpy Dude With No Manners: “You. Boy. Where’s the man I spoke with over the phone?”

Mr. Fell’s Partner Who Knows Damn Well Only Two of Them Work There But Clearly Doesn’t Like This Guy’s Tone: “Did this man give you his name?”

Grumpy Dude: “Might have. Don’t remember. Sounded like a fairy though.”

Me: “....”

My girlfriend: “....”

This Poor Sweet Startled Kid On Our Left: “?!?!?!?”

Fell’s Partner In The Drollest Voice I’ve Ever Heard: “None of us have wings. Out!”

***

This shop gets full stars simply because every time I walk in they’re playing Queen.

I mean, I’ve walked in once, but once is enough when you’ve got Crazy Little Thing Called Love blasting full volume.

***

Okay, I’m still kind of shaken up but I needed to write this out somewhere and this seemed as good a place as any.

I spilled my latte on a book. Just tripped on thin air, popped the lid, and chucked a venti’s worth of coffee all over a very expensive looking text. I didn’t mean to, obviously, but it happened and I just started bawling on the spot. Full on sobs because this semester has been absolute hell, I ruined this guy’s antique, there’s no way I can pay for it, I can’t even sneak away because I’m drawing the whole store’s attention...just all the things all at once. I really was straight up panicking and was seconds away from pulling out my inhaler. I couldn’t breathe.

And then Mr. Fell showed up.

Jesus it’s embarrassing to admit but I think I hit him once or twice. On the arms I mean, because he was trying to touch me and I figured, I don’t know, it was a restraint or something. He was going to call the police and hold me until they got there. But then he managed to start rubbing my back and I lost it like I hadn’t already been bawling my eyes out in this shop. Ever cry into a perfect stranger’s chest? I have! But if Mr. Fell seemed to mind he definitely didn’t show it. Just kept holding me while I probably ruined his shirt and then took me into the back and made me a new coffee in this cute little angel mug. He let me stay there while I called my sister and waited for her to arrive.

She’s a good twenty minutes outside of Soho, so we talked for a while. It’s not like Mr. Fell could fix my shit roommate or bio classes, but I guess just talking about it all really helped. I was a lot calmer by the time my sis arrived and Mr. Fell insisted I come back any time I wanted—for browsing or more coffee.

Of course, sis offered to pay for the book herself. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look so surprised in my life. “Certainly not!” he said. “Contrary to popular belief, no one should pay for their mistakes. It’s what makes you all so wonderfully human.”

So yeah. Thanks, Mr. Fell.

***

This little shop must have started a book club for kids! Lately I’ve seen the same group of children hanging out at Fell’s. Three boys and a girl. They’re a bit rambunctious at times, but who isn’t at that age? So wonderful seeing literature passed down to the next generation. Even if some of it is rather questionable looking...

***

It’s an honest crime that more of you aren’t talking about what a wonderful bookstore this is.

I’m a book lover at heart and Fell’s always makes me feel like I’m coming home. I just arrived somewhere safe and familiar after a particularly harrowing day. I’ve slipped under the covers of my bed after dinner and a bubble bath. It’s something like that, but with an element of surprise too. One of the reasons why I adore private and used shops over chain stores is that little touch of chaos. You walk in and sure, there are general sections to browse, but everything is just a little bit disorganized from people leafing through books and then putting them back somewhere else. There’s no real record keeping, you’ve just gotta head to one particular corner and hope for the best. It’s not the sort of place you go to if you want something specific because the chances of them having it are slim—that’s just how the universe works—and even if they did no employee knows where it is anymore.

But if you wander the shelves for a while, crouch down low to get a look at everything on the bottom shelf, pay attention to the books that don’t have easy to read titles or any summaries to speak of... you just might find something you didn’t know you were looking for. That’s Fell’s: the comfort of the familiar and the excitement of the unknown.

*** A lot of people might assume that these stories are embellished or outright made up, but as a bookseller myself going on twenty years I believe every single one of them.

That being said, I accidentally moved a rug and found chalk sigils that look like they belong in a cult. Make of that what you will.

***

There’s a special place in hell for 21st century shop owners that only take cash. Who carries cash anymore? Not me! I haven’t bothered with that nonsense in years! You can get a card reader for 15 pounds on Amazon. Or you know what? Be stingy and pay 7 for the little attachment on your phone. This place is nuts if it thinks it’s going to survive much longer on a cash-only policy, especially with some books that look like they’re worth hundreds or thousands of pounds! Yeah, yeah, just let me pull out this giant wad of bills for you. I’ll carry them around a crime-laden city because there’s no ATM near you either.

I mean jesus, you’d think this guy didn’t want to sell anything.

***

I walked in. There was a man screaming at a fern while another threatened him with an umbrella. I walked out.

5 stars do recommend.

***

I once walked in on the same (?) guy yelling at a book for daring to fall on the owner’s head. I think that’s just a Thing over there.

***

Like a lot of people here I didn’t actually go to Fell’s for any books (flat tire, Angel Recovery taking forever) and ended up staying three hours (not because of Angel). No, I wandered towards the back and found this ancient CRT set propped on a table of books, the kind that my Dad used to watch Twilight Zone on. This lanky guy had a marathon of Gilmore Girls going... though how he was managing that with a broken antenna and no DVR, I really don’t know. But yeah. He told me to pull up a chair and I did. Guy gave me popcorn.

I wish I’d paid a little more attention to his name. Charlie? Curley? I really can’t remember, but thanks for the enjoyable afternoon, man.

***

I BOUGHT A BOOK HERE

Not sure how though. Just kinda happened. First edition of Just William. Frankly I didn’t even want the thing, but the owner basically shoved me out the door with it when I took two seconds to look at the spine. Odd that he was so willing to part with this one.

Update: ... hold up. I didn’t buy a book because I never actually paid the guy. ‘Basically shoved me out the door’ was literal. Do I go back??

***

This page has really gone feral the last couple of months so I’m just gonna bite the bullet and say it:

Anyone notice that Fell’s snake and Fell’s partner are never in the same room together?

***

I really don’t like the implications of this…

***

This is precisely why the Internet has turned into a cesspool. You all should be ashamed of some of the stuff you’re writing here. Can’t two men just be friends anymore? Two real life men? These guys aren’t some characters for you to ‘ship’ or whatever. Quit making outrageous assumptions about their sexualities and use this website for what it’s actually for: reviewing the bookshop. Honestly I’m so sick of this sort of this shit.

***

Dude. They run a queer-focused shop together with a flat on the second floor. Fell calls the guy ‘Dear’ and he’s always calling him ‘Angel.’ People have literally seen them kissing. If you want I can give you the number of my physician. He might be able to help you pull your head out of your ass.

***

What the hell is your problem? I’m literally just reminding people to stop making assumptions. It’s gross and insulting. These guys check their Yelp page. You really think they’re gonna be okay with this stuff?

Also: I’m not the five-year-old relying on insults, so.

***

Making an account purely to set the record straight: I’m the hot twink in question and I married that angel. Peace

#good omens #ineffable husbands #air conditioning #good omens fic #guess who spent 48 hours doing nothing but writing and formatting #can I get a wahoo

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hazzabeeforlou · 4 years ago

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Hi I just binge-read the garden parts 1 & 2 and I’m not joking when I say I’ve never read something more complex and beautiful and amazing. I grew up going to catholic school so the Bible stories were basically all I knew growing up and your reimagination of them has me questioning what good and evil really mean in a biblical context. I have so many questions that I hope are answered in the last part! Speaking of which - any idea when that will be ready?? I’m on the edge of my seat waiting!!

AHHHHHHHH darling this is the BEST ask i could have gotten today omg. I’m SO happy you liked them, honestly they’re very niche and don’t get many hits so I always squee when someone appreciates them!!! I plotted out all three parts together, so I know what’s happening in pt 3, and have the outline done, it’s just the WRITING of it that’s hard, mainly because I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a chance, but also because the tone is tricky on this one, as is the pacing; unlike the first two parts, the last is ONLY Harry (Adam) and Louis (Eve) and so there’s nothing else to hinge my story on save their interactions. I would LOVE to finish and post in March, but perhaps I’ll get it done earlier. Thank you for the inspiration!! Here’s a snippet for you from the very beginning 😘

It’s just another sunset, and perhaps it’s for that reason that Louis makes his excuses to the table of strangers and hurries from the dining hall. He’s unused to the opulence of such a setting, and craves normalcy, and there’s absolutely nothing normal on an elite cruise ship in the middle of the Pacific save the sunset.

As he’s drinking in the turid skies he senses someone behind him. He’s not surprised. They’ve been playing this game for the past two days.

“For someone who claims to be uninterested in anyone but himself, you have an odd way of haunting me.” Louis turns to face his follower.

The man is lanky, thin, and taller by several inches than himself, but his shoulders slouch a bit. Curly hair hangs just below his ears and the attempts of a mustache color his upper lip. His green eyes are hooded and have obvious bags beneath them, and his lips are chapped, but he’s still the most beautiful man Louis has ever seen.

“I don’t mean to bother you.”

“You’re not.” Louis turns back to the sunset. “Tell me about yourself, Harry. Something other than that drivel you made up the other night.”

The other man shoulders up to the railing and places his hands around it, inches from Louis’ own. The metal acts as a conductive, and Louis feels the jolt of electricity in his palm.

“You think I lied about being a rich celebrity?” He wrinkles his nose in confusion. “Why didn’t you just google me.”

“Mmm, nah. Like it better this way. Bit of mystery. Besides, why would a rich celebrity be following me around on an exotic cruise ship. Someone like that, he would have groupies, girls hanging on him in bikinis, you know. James Bond style. I may not be from LA but I’ve seen a bit of the world.”

Harry scoffs at the choppy waves below them. “Wouldn’t be girls, though.”

“Oh?” Louis tries to keep the rise from his voice.

“You can’t do coy.”

“You can’t do honesty, so.”

“Look, just, I meet a lot of people, okay? And I know you from somewhere and it’s driving me insane. Just fucking tell me, please, where we met, what happened, if we--”

“We didn’t fuck, so. You can stop worrying about that.” Louis lets a sharpness slip into his tone, and keeps it as he continues. “Fuck that many people, do you? As a rich celebrity? I’d keep a list, if I were you. Just for posterity.”

Harry doesn’t respond, just stares at the waning sun. His skin is a rosey gold in the last rays, and Louis catches himself for the umpeeth time choking on an inhale. He slides his left hand along the railing surreptitiously until their pinkies touch. It’s a shockwave to his nervous system, but he doesn’t pull away. Harry does, though.

“The FUCK?” He screams, tears welling in his already distressed eyes. “What the fuck are you, some kind of witch? I haven’t slept a single hour since seeing you, two days and-- and do you--did you--cast some kind of fucking spell on me, or curse or--”

“God!” Louis yelp laughs to the darkening sky, “You’re the one fucking following me!”

Harry calms but sets his jaw. He swallows, and his Adam’s apple bobs slowly up and down his ivory throat. “I won’t be making that mistake again.”

“Good,” Louis retorts without missing a beat, “Then maybe I can enjoy the rest of this fucking thing.” He wants to lunge and wrap his arms around the other man and hold him tighter than the sea holds the shore and kiss his worried lips and smell his pale skin and join their bodies inside each other until their thighs are slick from cum and the urge is so strong that it takes every ounce of willpower in Louis’ body to hold the high ground and maintain his pride.

Harry walks away, and it’s then that the first raindrop falls.

#asks #the garden part 3

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hecallsmehischild · 4 years ago

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Recent Media Consumed

Books

Half-Bad by Sally Green. Man, this is grim. It’s good fantasy, and the writers breaks certain writing conventions to convey the story better, which is fascinating. But it’s so grim. There’s two more books in the series and I want to get ahold of those before I say more.

Zoo City by Lauren Beukes. Did I say Half-Bad was grim? This is grim. Grimdark to the max. But also a fascinating premise, that the crime of murder and its accompanying guilt manifests an animal companion that marks you for the rest of your (shortened) life? If you can stomach some of the imagery and if you do well with being plunged into unknown terminology and figuring it out on the go from context, this is a good read.

Dropped titles: Pursuing God’s Will Together by Ruth Haley Barton and How Should We Then Live by Francis Shaeffer. One was a recommendation, one was semi-assigned reading because I’m a non-voting member of a ministry board. In both cases I got about halfway through. I have the gist of both books and I’m enjoying neither. At all. I started to avoid Audible altogether. The moment I gave myself permission to stop listening to them and pick up the next Thomas Sowell book on my list, I was right back on reading, because I’m actually interested in what Sowell has to say. Note to self: it’s ok to drop books that you find uninteresting. (this preceded a Sowell binge reading session)

Dismantling America (and other controversial essays) by Thomas Sowell. I was surprised at how much more of an edge Sowell has in this book, but the appearance of the edge here makes a certain amount of sense. This is the first collection of newspaper columns I’ve read by him, and he has way less time to make his point in a column than he has in a book. With that in mind, his points have much less groundwork than I’m used to reading from him when he spends a whole book on a topic (though I’d guess that each point he makes probably has a crapton of citations in the printed book, like the rest of his work. He’s quite thorough about his research). This is probably not the best title of his to pick as a first read, but it’s good and interesting. My main take-away point from this book is that politicians look out for politicians, and expecting them to do anything else is naive. And, in fact, many things attributed to a politician’s “stupidity” is far from stupid, in fact they are brilliant within their set of incentives and constraints. It just rarely aligns with the general public’s best interest. Thinking about it again, it MIGHT be a good first book. It sums up a lot of his views into bite-sized digests. It just doesn’t substantiate each and every claim as thoroughly as some of his other books do. That’s my grain of salt.

Compassion Versus Guilt by Thomas Sowell. More of the same, a collection of essays by Sowell. Different ones, on a different theme. A couple that sound like they could have been written by the authors of Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, his satire is on point.

Ethnic America by Thomas Sowell. This was a fascinating read for me. This book traces 8 groups of ethnic migrations to America. I descend from Scottish, Irish, and Russian Jewish immigrants, and seeing what the different groups had to content with over the years was very enlightening. A few things that stood out to me were; each immigrant group seems to have very different cultural strengths and foibles, inter-group violence is not new (but not always in the directions modern people would think), almost every group has its own upper class that disdains and reviles its lower class, and each ethnic group is far more variable and differentiated than the general category (“the Irish” or “the blacks” or “the Jews”) makes them out to be. More and more I’m coming to mistrust the general racial category as referenced by either political party because it seems to be a linguistic expediency that sacrifices the truth of a situation for a fast rallying point.

Civil Rights: Rhetoric or Reality? by Thomas Sowell. I’m not even sure what to say about this book. It’s short and punchy and gives me a lot to think about. Sowell definitely has zero sacred cows. Toward the end of this book he addresses some of his critics who piled onto Ethnic America, which was interesting. Also, while reading this, I have begun to realize how much of a disadvantage I am at in analyzing arguments because I’m unable to understand how people slice numbers into statistics to make their point. I’m at the mercy of the conclusion they draw at the end of the statistics because, until they summarize their findings, I really don’t understand what the raw numbers are saying. I’ve had this feeling for a while, but in this book, Sowell dissects some of the foundational studies and statistics that buttressed later civil rights cases, and I realized that if I just read the statistics and data from those cases and the statistical rebuttals that Sowell has side by side, I would not understand what was being argued at all. I can only rely on the end conclusions put into words at this point, but the written conclusion is not the proof, the numbers are. This gap in my understanding is disheartening, but I hope to continue sponging up knowledge in the hopes that I will be able to think more critically in future years.

Maverick, a Biography of Thomas Sowell by Jason L. Riley. My parents pre-ordered this for my birthday a few months ago and it arrived a few days ago. I have torn through it. I think I got a more cohesive overview of Sowell’s progression through his body of work and added several titles to my wishlist. The biography is fairly minimalist on Sowell’s personal life and focuses more on his ideological clashes with… well, everyone, left and right, people he disdained and people he admired. Maverick, alright. Also Riley takes a look at how each of Sowell’s books (or grouping of books) came about, for what reasons, and what was going on at the time.

People of the Book edited by Rachel Swirsky and Sean Wallace. This is a compilation of Jewish sci-fi and fantasy short stories and can probably be summed up best by this paragraph in the introduction: “These stories allow us to identify with, although briefly, so many different characters and places, they entertain us and they give us comfort. And yet, the tales in this anthology often have a melancholic tinge, similar in tone to the minor keys of our musical liturgy. We don’t want to be too comfortable, too happy. Because that might bring some bad luck onto us, might tempt the evil eye.” I also sensed a whole lot of anger in the undercurrent of these stories, and that saddened me.

On deck/currently reading: The Brothers Karamazov, The Rational Bible: Genesis, re-read of Basic Economics, and War Nerd.

Shows

Dropped series: Hilda. The first season was lovely on so many counts. The second season’s antagonist… bothers me. So does Hilda’s behavior. And given how much time I spent on Star and its accompanying disappointment, I’m not really interested in continuing Hilda any further. I’m shelving it at this point. There are other things I’d like to watch.

Infinity Train Season 4: Now retitled “The Wormhole Judgment Line” I believe, lol. It’s hard to top season 3, but it was a solid story. Good. Interesting. The resolution with the villains int he last episode felt kind of out of nowhere and I’m really not okay with Morgan’s behavior even if the plot wants me to feel sorry for her, but those things aside, it was enjoyable. I hope Infinity Train is picked up again, I’d love to see more.

On Deck: The Mandalorian or Wandavision

Movies

Jiang Ziya. Okay whatever this studio produces in this line of movies, I will be watching it. I definitely don’t understand all the significance of what I’m seeing but it’s creative along COMPLETELY DIFFERENT lines than US animation and it’s an absolute joy to behold.

Raya and the Last Dragon. Suffice it to say, it would take an intensive blog post (or a movie review of the style I used to do as one half of The Storytrollers) to cover all the things that bothered me about this movie. I will take the thing that bothered me the most and be brief: I find the moral to be terrible. I take major issue with the idea that repeated blind trust in the face of repeated betrayal will reshape the world, given that I extended blind trust to people who never changed for many years. I take issue with the worldbuilding, I take issue with some of the designs, and I take issue with the moral. I was exceedingly disappointed in this movie.

Profile. Now THIS was a good movie. I would not be averse to seeing more movies shot like this, using the computer desktop as both film set and character. In addition this was an interesting topic, though I was tense for the whole movie, afraid the main character was going to slip up. Very good, very tense movie to sit through.

Mighty Ira. So, this is a documentary about one of the great leaders of the ACLU. It was interesting to see this, especially since it shed more light on the whole Skokie situation than I’d heard of before. Good watch. Informative.

#child loves movies #child loves shows #child loves books #recent media consumed #mind your peas and queues

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antiyourwokehomophobia2 · 4 years ago

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You said we can ask you questions so here goes( hope they arent invasive)

-at what age did u realise u were lesbian?was it easy/hard to accept?

-how was your coming out like? How did your family and friends react?

-were you ever/are you religious?do u believe one can balance between being homosexual and religious?

- were you always masc or is it something that came with accepting your sexuality?

-do you call yourself a stud?

- how hard/easy has it been being an out and proud black lesbian?

- thoughts on the stigma against stud4stud/butch4butch lesbians

-were you ever a TRA/libfem? If yes, what made you peak?

-ive had ppl talk about how masc lesbians being touch-me-nots is problematic/toxic and how its more about upholding a "status" than it is about preference. What do you make of that?

Not invasive at all! I'm happy to answer and thank you for asking :).

- I realized I was a lesbian at age 12 when I developed a HUGE crush on my gorgeous English teacher. I also got a small crush on a girl in one of my classes. I didn't grow up around much homophobia so it wasn't hard for me to accept that I was gay but what was hard was the absolute intensity of my feelings towards my teacher. I used to pray to god to have my feelings for her taken away because they were just so intense and I didn't know how to handle them (she was my teacher so I clearly wasn't going to ask her out. There was literally no outlet for what I was feeling so I kept it bottled.). My parents never brought up gay people in any positive or negative way and the kids I grew up around didn't really either. So me being gay wasn't something I beat myself up over. Once I accepted that I wasn't an overly invested straight ally, the road to acceptance was a peace of cake tbh.

-My coming out was... Well. I first started coming out to my friends when I was 13 and they were accepting of it. It honestly wasn't that interesting to tell you the truth 😅. All the peers that I gave a shit about never gave me shit for being gay. I never lost a friend for being gay. Coming out to my parents took me until I was 16 and the reason for that is because I genuinely didn't know how they'd react. Like I said, they never said anything about gay people point blank period. However, I was kind of forced to come out one particular night because my heart had been fucking shattered by a girl I was strongly crushing on at the time. I was pacing up and down my house, my best friend wasn't answering me, I could hear my dad's TV playing, it was late, I was tired, I couldn't sleep, I had school tomorrow, I was freaking out, I was devastated... I wanted to be comforted so I went to my father, threw my head into his arm and started telling him how my heart felt broken. He asked me if I had a boyfriend and when I said "nope" there was some silence and he was like "it's okay, I've known for a long time". I never actually said the words "gay" or "lesbian" during my coming out but I guess I didn't need to. The next morning, my father asked if it was okay if he could go tell my mom and I said yes. Long story short, my mom was even less surprised than my dad and she's the more progressive of the two so it wasn't really an issue (though she did tell me to keep an open mind in terms of liking men 😅 she seems to think I'm bisexual which is whatever because she never bothers me about it).

-Hmm. I don't like to completely cut out religion from my life. My father was extremely religious and now that he's gone, I feel it's disrespectful for me to say God doesn't exist. Like, "dad, you spent practically your whole life believing wholeheartedly in God but guess what! It was a waste and the thing you dedicated your life is something I think is a fairytale!" that doesn't sit right with me at all. I've been baptized and I used to go to church when I was younger. I think that there's no reason to shake my head at the possibility of a God. In terms of being gay and believing in God, I once watched a video by a devout Christian gay man who went through all the homophobic stuff Christians love to quote from the bible and gave the actual meaning behind them. I, personally, do not think that God is homophobic. I think that God's love is not something we have the capacity to understand. So, I, personally, think Christian gay people are perfectly fine and are already balanced. Here's to hoping that they stay away from homophobic churches!

-No, I wasn't always masc. As a child I was a huge girly girl. Like, legit, I wasn't a tomboy in the slightest lmao. I'm not sure when I started being masc. But what I do know is that I've grown far more masc over the years. I used to not want to dress too manly (no tuxedo's and no clothes from the men's section and no boxers) but nowadays I love all of those things and that's genuinely what I want in my wardrobe so I have no problem going into the men's section for my clothes.

-No, I don't call myself a stud. Love those guys though. The label I feel that's most accurate for me is masc.

-Um, I'm not sure how to answer this since I don't have experience being any other kind of lesbian. I guess it's just kind of tiring. I'm black, female, and homosexual. That's a LOT of different topics to give my attention to. The hardest part of being a black lesbian is knowing who to give my camaraderie to. Do I give it to black women? Black women AND black men? Lesbians? Only black lesbians? The lgb community as a whole? It's just a lot to think about. I will say, though, I think that it's a lot harder to be a masc black lesbian than a white one. Black women are already perceived as manly just based off of our skin color. So for me to willingly present masc can often be... A non-pretty picture in the eyes of society and I'm hyper-aware of that which is why I often have trouble going all out with the wardrobe I truly desire. That's my biggest challenge navigating the world as the black lesbian that I am. On a more positive note though, it's great being a black lesbian because I can have an opinion on everything and nobody can tell me I'm being racist/homophobic/sexist or stepping outside of my lane 😂. I'm on a three-lane road motherfucker and I'm not afraid to use all of them.

-my thoughts are that you should leave people alone. I will say though, I once read something that was like "if you call yourself a femme but the idea of being with a butch disgusts you, you're not a femme, you're just a feminine lesbian" and that rang true to me so it feels hypothetical (and nonsensical) if the reverse wasn't true as well. If a butch/stud shits on femmes and assumes they can't be as feminine as they are and ACTUALLY gay then I do have a problem. Butches and femmes have a history that's damn near inseparable from each other so for a butch to shit on femmes... I'd argue that they're probably not butch but instead just masculine lesbians. However, I don't care if two butches or studs want to date lmao. All the power to them, I hope they're happy.

-I definitely used to support trans rights more than I do now. I would correct people who misgendered others. I thought trans women were women. I was in support of bathroom laws. I never made posts about it, but I very much did believe it. Magdalen berns made me peak. I started realizing that gender makes no sense. I did some research and came to the conclusions I hold today. Even when I want to go back to my ignorance, I can't because I've seen too much by now.

-I honestly don't know. I think that some masc lesbians don't want to be put in that "feminine" position of being touched by their partner. It could stem from upholding a status but at the end of the day, sexual boundaries are sexual boundaries. What are you gonna do? Force your touch on to them? Yikes. Leave them be. If you're upset about your partner not wanting to be touched by you then get a new one. Clearly you're not sexually happy so leave. I don't think it's necessarily toxic unless they think there's something inherently demeaning in being touched by their partner or they do want to be touched but won't allow themselves due to trauma or feeling like there's a certain persona they must uplift. Other than that though, I don't see the issue.

Thanks for the questions, buddy ❤️

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birdyisanightingale · 4 years ago

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THT S4 Predictions: Brazil Trailer

Back by popular demand, I’m going to be doing a comprehensive set of predictions based on the Brazilian S4 trailer which has additional footage to the main one. If you want to watch it, here’s the link: https://www.handmaidsbrasil.com/2020/12/exclusivo-assista-ao-novo-teaser-legendado-da-quarta-temporada-de-tht.html

SPOILER ALERT!! Please be aware that if you keep reading there will be major S3 spoilers and potentially some S4 ones too!!

First up, we appear to have some sort of scene where June has been captured by eyes (or someone posing as the eyes - I’ll come back to this) . I think this must be at least an episode or so in because she seems to be walking fine and she doesn’t have any obvious injuries (she was basically dead at the end of S3). Another good sign is that she appears to be alone, so if she has indeed been taken by the eyes, they haven’t managed to capture all of the ‘magnificent seven’ (this is the new term being given to the fugitive handmaids from the end of the S3 Finale).

However, considering the remote location, it looks likely that this scene may be an attempted execution of June. I know what you’re thinking, this is Gilead - if they want to kill you they won’t bother making it private, they’ll make an example out of you and leave you hanging on a wall until you rot. But think about it - at this point, killing June will not be an example, the resistance in all its different forms has gotten too big for that. If they kill June now, they will only be creating a martyr, and the only way to avoid that is to kill her secretly and get rid of all the evidence so no one knows if she’s dead or missing or maybe even escaped to Canada without telling anyone - a great way to crack a resistance is to take away the element of trust! Anyway that’s why they’d make her execution a quiet affair.

But here’s why I think it was only made to look like the yes have taken her. Judging from the location and costumes (although admittedly costume variety is particularly limited in this show), while this is later in the trailer, it looks like a continuation of the same scene. It looks almost like Nick knew that June was in a situation where either he intervened or she was captured (or worse) for real. He obviously still has to make it look somewhat legit because he’s a commander now and he needs to keep good standing to be able to help June and Mayday (not to mention, staying off the wall).

I think this element of Nick being an asset to Mayday will be explored quite a lot this season, and beyond. Nick’s character development is particularly interesting because we’ve almost had a different Nick every season, but the writers are still finding new ways to surprise us with new dimensions to his character. In S1 we had ‘Nick the Eye’ who was battling this sense of duty and obligation that he had never bothered to question whether he agreed with his orders or not, with finally finding a reason to question those orders - June. Then in S2 when he’d finally gotten to a point where he’d chosen June over duty, we saw ‘Nick the husband’. We know from his flashbacks that he had a religious background before Gilead so he’s had ‘the sanctity of marriage’ instilled in him from a young age. So he’s somehow trying to reconcile his new role as a husband with his love for another woman who’s carrying his baby. And then we get the (admittedly infrequent) S3 ‘Nick the Soldier’ who we know absolutely nothing about, and how dominate that side of him is. Not dominant enough and Nick won’t have enough influence to be useful to Mayday, too dominant and he could potentially betray Mayday... we’ll have to wait and see...

“You can’t save her; some women don’t want to be saved.” Oof, literal chills. I’m really looking forward to this character dynamic. Both are commanders, both helped to create Gilead and regret it, and both have a connection to June. I know this is scene is talking about Nick wanting to save June and probably get her to Canada, but I can’t help thinking that the writers specifically wrote this line to have an underlying tone about Eleanor as her death will still be very fresh for Lawrence.

This isn’t a prediction so much as a musing but I really hope there gets to be some sort of interaction between June and Lawrence about the circumstances of her suicide. Every time I watch the funeral scene where June and Lawrence just look at each other, I get more and more sure that Lawrence knows that something else happened that she’s not saying - he’s a smart man, after all.

Maybe this scene is a continuation of the ‘secluded forest/potential eyes’ scene. He could have asked her to stop “playing handmaid commander” (I believe this was a direct quote from S2, tell me if I’m wrong) and go with him to Canada and she refuses, hence why he goes to see Lawrence. That would fit the potential timeline as Lawrence would have to have been released from the interrogation scenes we saw in the main trailer, and we’ve established that the forest seven must be at least a few episodes in.

Speaking of rebel handmaid shenanigans, this looks fun! June is heard saying “Where we’re going isn’t safe.” and Mrs. Keyes (Mckenna Grace) replies “It’s not safe anywhere!”. I mean, straight off the bat, it looks like we’re going to get one hell of a performance from Mckenna Grace who seems insanely talented for 14! We’ve had it teased to us by different producers and show runners that Mrs. Keyes will be the confident teenage wife of a commander, who helps to facilitate the resistance. And, I mean being a child bride is horrifying so I can understand why she’s willing to help!

As where they’re actually going, I’m thinking that it’s got to be another ‘attack’ by Mayday. What that will look like is hard to say - another Lillie Fuller style bomb seems unlikely since the bomb-maker was moved and it doesn’t really seem like June’s style anyway (she’d rather go for the targeted kill without Handmaid/Martha casualties), and all remaining kids in Gilead will be under heavy security after the S3 Finale. My money would be on a plan to get out Handmaids/Marthas - in the originally trailer we hear June saying “These women deserve to be helped” which supports that theory. I think her efforts will particularly focus on handmaids since a lot of the kids they got out were kids of handmaids before Gilead so she’ll want them to be reunited where it’s safe to do so.

Right - my guess is that this scene must be following whatever Mayday attempted (successful or not...). Remember in S2 when June was looking at all the Marthas who had been hanged and she said that they had been hanged for being heretics and not for being part of resistance because officially there was no resistance because there was nothing to resist? I think what we’re seeing is June has been caught and she’s being given one of the hanging bags with the symbols on to say why they were hung, pre-execution (which I assume June will somehow survive - my guess would be Nick gets her out before the execution). June’s bag has a cross because she’ll be hung for being a heretic, because officially there is no resistance - although this seems like a bit of a stretch of a story even for Gilead considering what Mayday just pulled off. It’ll be interesting to see the story that Gilead do use to explain what happened.

Another thing I just want to quickly touch on is the costume - mustard yellow with a red strip. It’s a bit out there but I’m putting my money on ‘death row uniform’ - here’s why: the colours of the uniforms all have biblical connotations e.g. the wives where blue because it symbolises the purity of the Virgin Mary, handmaids wear read to symbolise Mary Magdalene who is a redeemed sinner etc. In Revelation (final book of the bible that talks of the end of the world and second coming etc.) the four horsemen (bringers of the end of the world) are described as being yellow as sulphur and red as fire. So the colours yellow and red would symbolise ‘the end’ i.e. a salvaging/execution. This is purely speculation so make sure to comment your thoughts!

Now the opinion you’re probably all here for - Hannah. In the shots shown in the trailer, she can be seen in some sort of glass prison with a doll, and she draws an eye in the dust. There’s been a lot of speculation about the context of this scene with the overriding theory being that this scene is a dream. In some ways this makes sense: June is in the yellow costume but she doesn’t have the same injuries shown in the other footage where she’s wearing this costume (although this could just be that this scene is slightly before that scene), the idea of a glass prison doesn’t really make sense in relation to what all the other cells look like that we’ve seen, the eye that Hannah draws is just way too precise for a drawing done with dust let alone a drawing done by a child, the idea of Hannah drawing an eye is also a strange drawing for a child whereas June would dream that because of the connotations to Gilead spies and ‘under his eye’. Not to mention it makes sense that June would be dreaming about Hannah being trapped as she’s been spending time with Mrs. Keyes who is a child bride close to Hannah’s age.

In all honesty, I don’t really know what I believe. I think that placing Hannah in a glass prison and allowing June to see her and be centimetres away but not be able to get to her is a very Gilead style power trip. Gilead officials know that the only reason that she’s still in Gilead is because of Hannah so it makes sense for them to hold her in a place that is blatantly obvious to June so she can be used as leverage in stopping an on-coming attack. Gilead pretend to be all about protecting children but we all know they’re not above cutting off a limb or two - as long as she still has a working uterus. So if this isn’t a dream and Hannah is being used as leverage, this puts a spanner in the works on my death row theory because you only keep leverage on someone if you need them for something and they won’t kill her if they still need her for something. There’s a number of things that could be - stopping an on-coming attack, intel on Mayday and the Martha network, maybe they’re blackmailing her to tell Luke to stand down on trying to get Fred and Serena convicted?

Anyway.... that was A LOT. Please reply to this post with any ideas you have or to prove me wrong - this is all we have till S4 drops!

Blessed be the fruit loops, bitches x

#thtedit #thehandmaidstaleedit #the handmaids tale spoilers #the handmaid's tale #hannah tht #moira tht #janine tht #June Osborne #nick x june #nick blaine #june tht #predictions #spoiler #thehandmaidstaleonhulu #blessed be the squad #blessed be the fruit loops #under his eye #nolite te bastardes carborundorum #mckenna grace

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thronesofshadows · 4 years ago

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Rebound || Lydia & Evelyn

TIMING: Shortly after Lydia’s wing heals PARTIES: @inspirationdivine & @thronesofshadows LOCATION: Evelyn’s home, Harris Island SUMMARY: Lydia is a good friend.

Her back was still pink tinged. If she was entirely honest with herself, it still hurt, her skin prickled under the shift of every piece of clothing, but it was all worth it. Everything grown back, everything healed. She was whole again. So Lydia was dressed in a figure hugging skirt that glittered like emeralds and sapphires, with large puffy shoulders and a drop down her back. She looked incredible, and while her security guards were waiting in the car parked outside Evelyn’s home, she also felt invincible, for a moment, as she rang the doorbell. “Hello darling, it is ever so good to see you again!”

She was quite pleased that Lydia was coming over. Not only because it had to mean that she must have been feeling better, but because she was another someone who Evelyn had found herself growing incredibly fond of in the months that the two knew one another. Besides, it gave her another excuse to dress up - in a deep red dress that accentuated her waist before flaring out in the skirt. As if on cue, she heard the doorbell ring and she breezed over, opening the door, a smile crossing her lips. “I could very much say the same about you. You look absolutely beautiful as well, if I do say so.” Moving to the side, she motioned for Lydia to follow her inside. “I am so pleased to have you over. Is there anything in particular that you would wish to do first? My sitting room is often a popular spot to be, but I have many other rooms and would be happy to show you anything you would like.”

“Thank y-” Lydia faltered, because she really ought to know better than to speak thanks so easily. “It has been lovely to have an excuse to dress up too. I haven’t been out much as of recently.” That was no secret. As she stepped into Evelyn’s home, she shed her glamour. Her ears extended up to the crown of her head, and her wings unfurled like bright sunflowers, her firefly shells yellow and brown, her fresh wing fluttering weakly. “Oh, I'd love to have a tour of your home, if that’s what you’re offering. Anyway, my dear, most importantly, how are you?”

“Not a problem.” Evelyn replied with a wave of her hand. “I certainly could never fault anyone for wishing for an excuse to dress up.” She watched Lydia transform as she entered Evelyn’s home, and she had to admit that she was more than a bit transfixed. “You are beautiful.” Her hand flew up to cover her mouth and she offered Lydia a sheepish grin. “I am offering. I do not need to show you everywhere, as that might take up far too much time and it seems useless to spend time together simply showing off my home.” She gave a small shrug at the question. “Complicated. I mean - better?” She bit her lip. “Not totally better, clearly. However, better than I was before.” She began to walk down her hallway, taking a turn and pointing toward the kitchen. “That is the kitchen. It is stocked with some basics, but I do not use it very much. I have been told it is to die for. Makes some people jealous.” She looked over towards the other woman again. “I am very glad you have the time to spend with me. Truly.”

Lydia smirked at the compliment, preening. She flicked her wings playfully, affection bubbling out of her as Evelyn looked sheepishly back at her. “I dress to impress, my dear. That said, you’re rather breathtaking too.” She shook her head. “There is no such thing as time wasted when it is spent with friends. “ All the same, she followed Evelyn into her kitchen, looking around as Evelyn described how she was feeling. Or rather, didn’t describe it at all. “Not totally better, but improved. And might I ask why you needed the improvement in the first place? You can talk to me, you know. I wouldn’t divulge anything said in confidence.”

The kitchen was to die for, that much was true. Lydia looked around, but her gaze just kept drifting back to Evelyn. “It is beautiful. Although I don’t eat this kind of food either, I have always enjoyed preparing it for guests and the like. It is a beautiful kitchen.” Lydia smiled at Evelyn, and gave her arm a soft squeeze. “Always, my dear. Always.”

“Well, I suppose I ought to have not expected anything else.” Evelyn grinned. “Well, that means a lot, coming from you.” She let her lips pucker for a moment as if in thought before glancing down. “Well, it is still appreciated, and I am glad to be a friend, continuously and constantly.” At Lydia’s question, she shrugged. “Break up.” She glanced up at the other woman, eyes growing wide. “I apologize, that was blunter than I intended. I was seeing someone and we are no longer seeing one another, and apparently break ups do more for my self-esteem than I would have previously imagined. Which is why I asked if you cared about me.”

She could feel the other woman’s gaze on her and it did, for a moment, allow her to relax. “I used to watch my cooks prepare food, though I am not much of an expert. I do find that making certain things can be satisfying, particularly for those who can actually eat.” Evelyn shrugged. “Besides, I felt as though I ought to show you my place, and I am pleased you were able to feel safe enough to come by. Unfortunately, given my species, I cannot have any sort of guard animal, though I am rather effective at dealing with would-be intruders, should the occasion arise. It - it has not, though. At least not in years.” She wrapped her arms around her torso as she made her way out of the kitchen, turning in the hallway to the dining room. “Another room that I often have no use for, but it does make for a nice space to read or do work, on occasion, when I do not wish to do so in my office at the bar.” She unwrapped her arms and reached out briefly, brushing her fingertips against Lydia’s arm. “My sitting room and the rest of my house are rather a bit more exciting than these, I must say. Shall we?”

“Break up?” Lydia repeated, sympathetically. “I am ever so sorry to hear that. Was it your decision, or theirs? Break ups are difficult regardless, but if they weren’t worth continuing then they aren’t worth letting affect your self esteem. Which is easier said than done.” For a brief moment, she wondered if this was why she had been invited over, as a replacement for the break up. Lydia looked at Evelyn appraisingly and concluded she wouldn’t have an issue if that was the case. Quite the contrary. Much more likely, the mushrooms were making her more enthusiastic towards such activities than she normally was, as they did every year. “You remain worthy of love irregardless of the circumstances.”

“Oh, certainly. There’s something wonderful about feeling like you’re nurturing someone else, both body and soul. It was one of the jarring things of growing up catholic, where feeding people is so revered, when we don’t eat food as a family.” Lydia replied, reminiscing on her childhood. She was under no illusions that humans enjoyed nurturing her, but that was their lot, regardless of whether they liked it or not. “If you can treat people like you did that painting, I’m not worried in the slightest.” Lydia laughed airily, as if it didn’t bother her, but it far too airy, put on to convince herself. She leant into Evelyn’s brief touch, brightening back up into a genuine in a smile “Let’s. That said, you could show me the phone book and I would still be interested. I’m thoroughly enjoying the company.”

“Mine.” Evelyn bit her lip. “Which, well - it gives me a certain sense of power over it, but it does not mean that I feel any less sour about the fact, however childish this must make me seem, Lydia.” She looked over to the other woman kindly, readjusting her posture as she felt Lydia's eyes on her. For whatever Lydia might have wanted, Evelyn found that whenever she was in the other woman’s presence she always wanted to make the very best of impressions. Even if she already believed that Lydia thought highly of her, she wished to remain in the other woman’s good favor. “I appreciate that. I was informed that I believe nobody could love me. Which is admittedly perhaps more true than I might wish to believe.”

“I agree - I grew up in the Church of England, though I was made to be as human as possible. All credit to my father, who was human himself. Forgive me if I am repeating myself, I have found myself growing closer with more people than before, and rather alright with telling them about my past.” Evelyn glanced down at her feet. “I can indeed.” She felt herself blush at Lydia’s comments, “well, I could say much the same of you. However, I do not plan to read the phone book.” She wrapped her arm around Lydia’s and led her over to the sitting room. “I find it nice to come here and read when I am not in my bedroom, and the doors open right onto my beach.” She turned back over to Lydia, her body continuing to relax in the older woman’s presence. “It is a nice space to spend one’s time. Shall we move along? Unless you find yourself wishing to rest, which I would be more than happy to do. Whatever makes you feel at your best.”

“It doesn’t make you seem childish at all,” Lydia replied, putting her hand on the back of Evelyn’s shoulder. “Love is as fickle as a mushroom. You don’t realise how deep and far it stretches until it is gone, leaving the rest of the soil all the poorer for it.” Lydia thought back to her last love, the bright moments where her world had burned like a furnace with the heat of their passion, and the dwindling cold that eventually grew as icy as death itself. “By that point, it doesn’t really matter who said the final words. Especially when its followed with barbs like that one. Ouch. They really didn’t deserve you, my love.”

“Oh, at least I was raised as a catholic fae. Our bible looks rather different, you’d be surprised,” Lydia said with a smile, “You aren’t repeating yourself, and you don’t have to apologise for telling people about yourself, my dear. You can act like you’re the most interesting person in the room, because you usually are.” Lydia teased, following Evelyn into the sitting room. “This is beautiful, you must have the most amazing view. I’m sure you impress all your guests like this.”

“Well I am ever so grateful to hear that.” Evelyn nodded. “I should quite hate the idea of ever being childish. I am not certain I was childish even as a child, so it would be quite a bit odd to be so now, I think.” She shrugged at Lydia’s next words. “I am not certain I understand love, if I am to be honest. Perhaps that is why I was told that I believe nobody could love me. It was quite a terrible sort of barb, I think.” It still made her skin crawl, particularly given that those words still wouldn't leave her mind. “You are far too kind to me, Lydia.”

“Oh?” Evelyn looked at her companion again. “I imagine that I would be, though that sounds - well, it sounds sort of nice. I was, as previously stated, raised as human as could be. Made me bedridden, sometimes. I may have a human father but a lack of subsisting on fear does not go over well for me in the long run. Not at all, really.” She sat down. “Well, I take your words to heart and I appreciate them incredibly. I am indeed often one of the most interesting people in the room, though right now that may be ever so slightly up for debate.” She brushed her hand against Lydia’s arm. “It is a wonderful view, and it is a handy method of impressing others, but I do not always have tons of guests. I am a bit selective. I only prefer the company of those with whom I properly enjoy my time.”

“I’m so, so, sorry. No matter how valuable the connection with your human family, there is always something left to be desired. No one I know raised only by humans has found this easy.” Lydia squeezed Evelyn’s hand, thinking about Remmy, and Regan, and all the other lost souls she’d picked up over the course of the year. She really did think her words were comforting, even though they were not. But as the topic turned to easier, funner things, she followed with a smile and a flirty laugh. “Then that is something we should let lesser mortals debate. I will just stand here and enjoy your presence,” Lydia teased back. Sometimes, one had to be bold. She could handle a little rejection, and Evelyn could use the confidence boost, whichever way she replied. Lydia smiled, looked down at Evelyn’s hand on her arm. “That I can believe. Although, I imagine the view from your bedroom is nicer. If you would like to share it.”

“I would agree - and you know more people?” Evelyn’s eyes widened for a single moment. She’d met a few people who had experienced that since moving to town, but it still felt few and far between. “I - if they ever wish to meet me, I might like that.” She knew that sometimes people looked down on her for having a human parent, though she consistently reminded herself that this was through no fault of her own. She had enough people - Deirdre, Miriam - who knew where she had come from and who still accepted her for who she was. “I mean, I am never opposed to having others enjoy my presence, if I am to be quite blunt.” She used her free hand to brush a strand of hair behind her ear. “Certain views are, very much so.” She let a small, teasing smile cross her lips. “I think that we can end there, as a matter of fact. I might have some ideas that could well keep us occupied for at least a bit of time.” Evelyn stood up for a moment, letting Lydia follow suit. “Follow me.”

#wickedswriting #c lydia #chatzy #rebound #// this is old but we both had hiatuses and other things #pls enjoy soft times #i love lydia and i love immo so so very much

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x0401x · 4 years ago

Note

Have you watched Tsurune, by an chance? If yes, what do you think about it?

Finally managed to write down a reply for this! (Told y’all I was gonna do it and I did not give up, lmao.)

So this ask caught me off-guard for two reasons: one is that I never see it coming when people send me Tsurune asks now that the anime is long over and the fandom is inactive, and the other is that nobody has ever asked me this question so straightforwardly. Whenever I got asks about Tsurune, people would question me about the differences between anime and novel, the anime versions versus the canon versions of the characters, fanservice and ship tease, alterations in character relationships and my opinions on specific episodes, chapters or scenes. As far as I remember, no one has ever asked me what I think of the anime (or the novel) in general.

I won’t go into the novel since this ask is just about the anime (I can do that in another one if you like), but I’ll end up mentioning it every now and then because it’s pretty impossible to discuss about an adaptation without talking about its source material. Still, I promise this review won’t be centered on that.

This is actually a very condensed version of my thoughts, because the real thing would be a bible. It’s still a lot, though. Here comes a long-ass ride.

I guess I should start by making clear that I usually follow the history of KyoAni’s productions very closely as I’m a big fan of the studio. This includes reading the novels and mangas they adapt into anime as well. I had read volume 1 by the time the Tsurune anime came out, so I already knew what the canon was like. I must add that I was also familiar with Japanese archery to some degree and I was reading Zen in the Art of Archery when the anime was airing (it’s referenced early in the novel, so I decided to give it a try).

With all of this being said, when it was announced that Tsurune would get an anime, my first reaction was to worry. This surprised even me, because I usually have high hopes for any KyoAni adaptation, even the ones I end up not liking. I mean, it’s a studio filled with brilliant stars and holds the golden standards of the whole industry, so even when the content isn’t good, the quality of the animation itself is enough to make their shows worth anyone’s time. But the choice of director had me very concerned.

Now, this is Kyoto Animation that we’re talking about. In no moment did I fear for the animation’s quality. Most of Tsurune’s staff members, if not all, already had previous experience working on Violet Evergarden. And we all know that even newcomers freshly graduated from KyoAni’s preparatory school can make a stunning visual masterpiece. Yes, I am talking about Kyoukai no Kanata. And yes, I said visual masterpiece, because we also know that what these productions normally lack is the most essential part: the content.

In those cases, the one who actually makes a difference is the director. I’m a firm believer that the more inexperienced the staff is, the more competent a director they should be placed under. If not a senior animator, at least let it be a rising talent with the best prospects possible. But the schedules usually don’t help with that, so these hatchlings ended up under Yamamura Takuya’s wings.

To elaborate a bit further on why I think brighter animators should be the ones leading new packs (no, it’s not discrimination against the less accomplished, because you gotta start from somewhere), it’s because they usually have this knack for bringing the most out of the stories they’re working on. When the story is great by itself, that’s a different thing, but when it doesn’t quite reach its full potential with just the text, then the one to give it life has to be a person with more vision.

Am I saying that Tsurune is one of those stories? Absolutely. Tsurune is about archery, which is an art that is best appreciated when observed. You can’t get everything out of it just with words, and there are many things in it that people who don’t know much or know nothing about Japanese archery wouldn’t understand without actually seeing them, so the series obviously needed an anime in order to reach its full potential. But other than that, I’ll be honest: I love the Tsurune novel for its cultural baggage, the handling of its characters and its fairly innovative views in the repetitive and boring scene that sports animanga are nowadays, but I don’t consider it a well-written novel. Because it isn’t.

This might seem controvesial coming from someone who defends the canon with claws and teeth, but I’m aware of its flaws. I think Ayano Kotoko has a lot of room for improvement, and she’s evolved remarkably from volume 1 to volume 2. But volume 1 is what the anime was based off, so there was a deep need for a clinical eye in that production. One that could measure the original work’s strengths and weaknesses and balance them out by powering one up and overcoming the other. And also a certain level of knowledge about Japanese archery. Sadly, Yamamura Takuya didn’t have any of it.

As much as I admire Yamamura as a key animator and in-betweener, I believe he has a long way to go before he can be considered a good director, and I certainly don’t think he was ready for his debut when he was put in charge of Tsurune. I would rather, and I mean this in a good way, have seen him work as anything else for the rest of his career. Being a series director was too much for him. I say this taking into consideration not only the fiasco that the Tsurune anime was in sales but also Yamamura’s history in the studio before becoming a director.

This might sound funny, but Yamamura had no idea how big Animation Do and KyoAni were before he decided to join. He also was never very skilled. His in-betweening was actually not approved at first when he was trying to enter the company. He even once admitted that his knowledge of animation was extremely limited at the time, and what a time that was, because the studio was busy up to the neck with the making of Lucky Star back then. He didn’t know left and right, basically, and he recalled in an interview from last year that he is still surprised the studio actually hired him.

Despite all of this, Yamamura joined the company with the intention of becoming a director. While he did manage the feat in the end, it took him +10 years and a few frustrated attempts. Animators usually start out at in-betweening and earn other positions through passing exams. Yamamura failed his first exam to be key animator, only managing to pass half a year later. He also failed his first exam to become a director. At his second attempt, one of their colleagues even suggested that maybe he should stay a bit longer as a key animator, and I couldn’t agree more. While he did pass the test, I can only bring myself to think that he did so with an average score.

Now, I did say that this info came from a 2019 interview, when the Tsurune anime was already over. But they weren’t really what shaped my opinion on Yamamura regarding his direction. It was the anime itself. But this interview served to confirm something I had already noticed from his tragectory to series direction: with him being in the studio for so long and having worked on so many titles, it was weird to me that he was rarely an episode director in comparison to key animation and in-betweening. Episode direction is a step that I consider crucial for one to become either series director, animation supervisor or series composer. I do know that quite a few directors take just as long as he did or even longer to debut and actually do thrive in the end, but observing Yamamura’s work always gave me the impression that he was better off following decisions made by someone else rather than making his own.

Yamamura also loses points with me in that he’s backed up within the company by Kawanami Eisaku, another director who doesn’t get rave reviews on his works. He’s the one who replaced Utsumi Hiroko after she migrated to Mappa, and ever since he took over the Free! franchise, its sales decreased to less than 1/3 of each of the first two seasons separately. I personally don’t like that he seems to look down on Utsumi despite his lack of success in inheriting her legacy, but leaving this aside and focusing only on his skills, I’m not fond of directors who opt for simplistic approaches in general. I think animation is a medium that should be used to amplify the appeal of the source material, not water it down. It also feels like these kinds of directors are always trying to play safe, which (they don’t seem to realize) goes against the audience’s expectations and kills the hype. It strikes me as cowardly, to be frank. I also don’t like when they ignore what the characters had been building up and simply retool them to their own tastes. I was praying that Yamamura would be different from this bad example, but turns out he was actually worse.

I got a really bad feeling when the anime PVs of Tsurune were released. My very first impression was that Yamamura was still too much of a beginner and he wouldn’t be able to make Tsurune into a successful anime. I know this might seem like an exaggeration, but here’s the thing: ever since KyoAni started making its own titles, I’d never seen lack of hype for their upcoming works. Ever.

Until Tsurune.

Every time a PV of a KyoAni show comes out, people go crazy. It’s not always a frenzy like it was with Free! in its heyday or Violet Evergarden when the novel commercials were the only pieces of animation we had of it, but there’s usually lots of debate and speculations going on. With Tsurune, almost no one cared. You’d see next to nobody talking about it save from a few people on Reddit. And honestly, why should they bother? It didn’t seem promising at all. Didn’t show much of the characters or the story’s premise, didn’t highlight any particularly interest aspect of the plot and didn’t leave any impression animation-wise. It was very bland, to say the least. Unfortunately, so was the anime series.

It might be blunt of me, but my overall evaluation of Tsurune is that it was a really boring show. Nearly all elements that made the story and characters interesting were either taken out or squeezed into a cookie cutter mold, cliche version of what they looked like they were going to be at first but turned out not to be in the novel. And I say this because one of the things that make Tsurune a good novel is how it turns stereotypes upside-down. It introduces the readers into what seems like is going to be a typical sports shounen and starts out describing the character archetypes in the most common ways possible and puts them in the most common situations possible, then it reverses them all. That’s what’s most charismatic about the books. It’s what incites actual character development and gives us different sides of each relationship, yet the anime makes no use of it.

The anime also hardly makes any use of all the mystic, Zen and lowkey folklore-ish veils of the novel, which are supposed to add up to the archery elements. The Zen part is actually essential since Japanese archery is fundamentally a Zen form of art. Yes, art. Japanese archery is, in fact, not a sport. This is one of the aspects that elevate Tsurune above other works of the sports genre: it’s only categorized as such because it can’t fit anywhere else, but it’s not really a sports novel. That could have elevated the anime to the same status too, if only the studio hadn’t treated it like a sports one. But they made that mistake.

Still, I think the biggest sin in this adaptation was to try to cling to tropes that are considered successful and ignoring the characters’ personalities, which didn’t match these tropes at all, resulting in both characters and bonds being utterly destroyed and the flow of the story slowing down to a slug pace. By the second half of the anime, literally either nothing interesting happens or the things that were supposed to be interesting don’t hold the audience’s attention enough, which the animators attempt to cover up with queerbait. Everything is so tediously predictable that I’ve seen countless comments from the Japanese side of the fandom about how similar the Tsurune anime was to Free! and how “KyoAni only ever makes male characters like that, don’t they”. They were referring to Seiya and his weird jealousy, by the way. Even first-timers could tell that the characterization was a disaster.

The sad thing is, they were right. The Tsurune anime really did feel highkey like a Free! copycat in the characterization department. The main character is always getting swung about by everyone around him. The best friend is very clearly co-dependent. The deuteragonist is revealed to be bitter because of a deceased relative and is an asshole to the rest of the main cast for a good portion of the series. The rival from the other school is rude as hell for no reason and he’s got annoying groupies on his team who don’t exist outside of idolizing him. There are only four female characters and they have almost no screen time. And the list goes on.

As for the animation itself, I would like to say that it was perfect, but what really rang the alarm in my head was the many beginner mistakes so evident here and there, such as missing frames, the opening theme starting out of nowhere, the colors of the background often being too bland, lack of movement or scenes where the characters are too static, etc. I shit you not that when I saw the title splashing onto the screen all of a sudden in the initial ten seconds of episode one, the first thing I thought was, “This won’t sell well”. Sure enough, it didn’t.

So there you have it. I didn’t like the show. The only things I enjoyed were the archery scenes and the soundtrack. The rest simply didn’t do justice to the original work. I hope this summary has explained why, but if you want more info on it, maybe visit my Tsurune tag. You’ll find me elaborating more on particular topics in response to similar asks. Or you can send me other questions if you feel like.

That’s it!

#tsurune #how cool is it that i finished just in time for the anime's anniversary lol

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finalcuts · 4 years ago

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JAMES MARCH BACKSTORY:

Born on October 30th, 1895 to Arthur and Helen March. Unfortunately, due to complications from birth, James' mother died only hours after he was born on the morning of Halloween. His father, distraught with grief, couldn't manage to take care of James by himself and quickly hired a nursemaid with what money he wasn't wasting by drinking at the local bar. James' father would sadly, never be the same after this and would continue to carry bitterness and hate in his heart.

James was around six years old when his father first began abusing him. Verbally at first, screaming and cursing in his face when he wouldn't be quiet or when he did something very mundanely wrong. Over the course of the next few years it became much more physical, and James was often left with bruises from his father's rage that he'd be forced to cover up with his clothing. The only time his father was ever remotely kind to him was out in public, especially when they'd attend church together. What wasn't known at the time is that James often had episodes of depersonalization and derealization due to this trauma inflicted on him, and still did even in his adult life.

When James was ten years old, his father finally remarried to a very kind and compassionate woman named Rose. It took a bit of time for James to warm up to her, but eventually he started accepting her as his mother, spending a lot of time around her and often helping her around the house while his father was still off drinking like a sailor.

It wasn't until James reached twelve years old when he began to realize that he was a bit of a social outcast with the other children in his school. He'd be found sitting alone with his lunch while the other kids played. When he would get the courage to interact with his peers he was very outwardly charming and tried to sway his personality however he could to get people to like and accept him. Despite this, he got in the habit of pushing people away whenever they tried to get closer to him. Around this time James also began experiencing intense intrusive thoughts. Most of them on a very violent and obscene level. He didn't bother telling his step-mother or father about them, fearing that he may be possessed by the Devil with how 'evil' his thoughts were becoming. He prayed much more often throughout each day, mostly for forgiveness and re-read passages from the bible just to soothe himself.

At age fifteen, James' witnesses his father in a drunken rage, beat his step-mother until she knocks herself out on the edge of the kitchen stove trying to escape him. She's rushed to a doctor, but ends up suffering too much damage to her skull and dies a few days later. This is the first time James confronts his father, grieving and unafraid. James tells him off, throwing a few punches of his own before his father can make the first move. He then quickly packs up and leaves his home with bruises and a bloody lip, but a satisfied grin on his face.

The rest is fairly self-explanatory, James continued his education and schooling, eventually winding up in California where he and his architect skills became highly sought after and revered. Despite getting fame and fortune at a young age, James always felt as if there was something missing from his life, a dark empty pit that swallowed him whole. He turned to drugs, and a lot of them, only feeling disappointed in every single one he tried. The intrusive thoughts he had since he was a child only worsened, until the night he finally gave in. To his surprise, he felt absolutely no remorse for his actions, only a rush of excitement he'd never felt before. For the first time in his life, James felt he had found his purpose. And he only wanted to experience that feeling more.

#//long post #tw: abusive parent #tw: abuse #tw: domestic violence #tw: child abuse #𝐣𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 { 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 }#𝐣𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡 { 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 }#{ 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫 }#[ i should be doing drafts but instead i wrote this rip ]#[ lots of trigger warnings on this one since...yeAH ]#[ some of this might change up as i continue writing him ]#[ now we dont have time to unpack ALL of that - ]

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lynneshobbydomain · 5 years ago

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Seeing You In Different Lights (Komahina Week Day 3)

((Thank you guys so much for the reblogs and the likes. Your support means so much to me))

Prompt: Unspoken/Weddings

Rating: G

Summary: For just one moment, Nagito wondered if this was what it was like to fall in love with someone all over again.

You can read this under the cut, or you can read this at my A03

“There we go.” Nagito hummed as he finished putting in the last pin in her hair. He fluffed the veil and gently walked away so that Sonia could turn around and admire herself in the mirror. “You look absolutely stunning, Sonia-san.” He gave her a cheerful smile as she twirled around happily in her dress. The gentle sparkle of the studded sequence on her bodice glittered and only brightened her expression more. The skirt was in a puffy large bell shape that made her look exactly what her ultimate was. She hadn’t wanted to go too crazy on the veil, wanting just a simple little bun and something to flow back behind her. She was already wearing so much fabric and didn’t want to risk tripping and breaking her neck.

They both could hear Koizumi in the background, taking as many organic pictures as she could. It was hard not to look over at the camera and give a smile. “Thank you so much for doing my hair, Komaeda-kun. When some of the girls admitted they didn’t know what to do, I felt at loss.” Sonia gave him a large grin. “I was surprised to see that be one of your many talents.”

“Now, now it’s a simple hairstyle. I didn’t go too extreme.” Nagito held his hands up, the praise settling uncomfortably in his stomach. He knew he was supposed to be working on that. “Hinata-kun could probably do it better but-”

“Yes, I’m well aware.” Sonia nodded sharply, cutting him off and Nagito gave her another smile. She turned back towards the mirror and Nagito watched the joy slowly slip from her face. Koizumi slowed her picture taking, also concerned.

“Sonia-san?”

“Oh I’m so sorry I just…” Sonia waved her hands and Nagito wondered if it was the cold feet or the butterflies that were getting to her. “I know that this ceremony is just for me and him and I appreciate it so much, but when we have the proper ceremony in front of my people in my country I can’t help but to feel as though it’ll become too much for him. You know how he is.”

“I can’t imagine him leaving you at the altar though.” Nagito mused. “Not because of a crowd. I’m sure he’s well prepared for it. He knew what he was getting into when he proposed to you. Oh but maybe that’s not my place.”

“I have to agree though,” Koizumi frowned, looking at Sonia, her camera still at the ready in case Sonia did something that she wanted to capture. “He wouldn’t do that to you. He loves you way too much to do that.”

“No you’re correct. I guess it’s just the wedding jitters. I always thought I had a positive outlook, but it appears this dress is cursed to make me think otherwise.” Sonia sighed.

“I think it’s just another way for hope to shine brightly! This wedding is going to be beautiful, Sonia-san. You’re in it and he’s in it, you’re going to light up the room-”

“I think what Komaeda’s trying to say is that your wedding is going to go off without a hitch and you need to stop fretting.” Koizumi cut him off. Nagito clipped his mouth shut, knowing that he probably bothered them with his little tangent. No one really had the patience to listen to the entire thing besides Hinata, and that was only if Hinata was willing to listen to five sentences of him self-decrepitating.

Sonia nodded determinedly and she looked back at the mirror. She took a deep breath and Nagito watched as all of the tension washed away from her. It was really inspiring and hopeful to see such a warrior’s expression appear on her face, as though this wedding was much more than a commitment of love and hope.

Nagito looked at the time and he nodded, “I should probably leave you ladies to do your thing for now. I’m sure other people want to see how you’re doing, and I should check in.”

“Go for it.” Sonia nodded. “Thank you again for helping me, Komaeda-kun.”

“Anytime.” He waved as he walked out of the room that they were getting ready in. Sonia hadn’t wanted to do anything too extravagant. The ceremony was taking place outdoors in the gardens. They had borrowed the green house’s sitting rooms to get themselves ready. It had been a game of rock paper scissors to see which side of the wedding party got the sitting room that was nearest to where the ceremony was taking place.

The other sitting room was across the large gathering area and towards where the parking lot was. The ceremony was small compared to the wide open space of the garden. Four rows of chairs on either side of the aisle, and black, red, white, purple, and blue streamers stretched from chair to chair at the end. Midoa in the front of the aisle, trying to tune her guitar and playing a few strings. The Imposter stood in a priest’s wardrobe, with a bible included. Considering that it was so out of place in Japan, Nagito thought it was amusing. Of course the other folks might not agree with it, but it got the job done.

Souda was still hanging up the last of the lights for the reception that was just down a little ways into a patio. Nanami was in her bridesmaid’s dress and was trying to help untangle the cords. She looked over her shoulder and gave Nagito a friendly wave and he nodded his acknowledgement. It appeared that they were busy, and he had people to check in on.

Pekoyama strode right by him, calling out to Saionji, who was nowhere to be found. Nagito had a hunch that the girl snuck in after he left the sitting room to check in on the progress and maybe make her own remarks on how things should look. Or compliment Koizumi’s photos like normal.

They were lucky, really lucky for the weather to be as bright and as sunny as it was. Nagito wondered where the bad luck would come from and hoped that it wouldn’t ruin the wedding in any way. These kinds of ceremonies were meant to be hopeful. While he was certain that nothing would damage the relationship and everyone would be able to use the bad luck as a stepping stone for something cheerful, Nagito would like just this once for something to go right.

Luckily for him, he didn’t have to go into the sitting room. Hinata was standing outside, leaning against the wall and looking as though he was trying to take a couple of minutes to himself. Nagito couldn’t blame him. Everyone had worked tremendously hard on making sure that this wedding was going to go off without a hitch, and Hinata worked extra hard on the planning and the arranging, due to Izuru Kamukura’s influence.

“Hinata-kun, how are things on your end?” Nagito greeted.

Hinata looked over at Nagito and just for a moment, Nagito felt like the world just stopped. The way the tree’s shadows dappled on Hinata’s skin brought for a type of hope that swelled from the stomach up to his heart and froze him in place. The lazy smile that graced Hinata’s features stole Nagito’s breath, and the sunlight was caught in the browns of his eyes, making them easy to get lost in. He also looked sharp with the black tux and the white button up shirt. The tie a little loose around the neck rather than tight up against it.

For just one moment, Nagito wondered if this was what it was like to fall in love with someone all over again. Just from seeing them in an exact way. Koizumi, as talented a photographer as she was, probably couldn’t take such a glorious picture. This was something that needed to be seen in a second.

“Hey Komaeda.” Hinata greeted him. “Tanaka-kun’s going insane and trying to make sure that he’s ready as he can be. Proper summoning circles and all.”

Nagito didn’t pretend to understand that.

“You okay?” The moment was a little lost when Hinata moved, but Nagito could still feel the after effects. Everything was floaty, floaty, it was too perfect. Nagito held his tongue however, this wasn’t the place for romanaticisim. “Nagito.”

“I’m sorry, were you saying something?” Nagito quickly snapped himself out of it. “I apologize, Hinata-kun I…”

“No you okay? Maybe we should get out of the sun. You’re too pale and you’re going to get yourself sick.” Hinata fretted. “That’s the last thing we need right now.”

No, the last thing they needed was a thunderstorm to ruin a storybook happy ending. Nagito decided to bite that retort back, knowing all too well that would earn him a look and either a bop on the head or a jab in the ribs and he wasn’t feeling up to either of them. He allowed Hinata to take his wrist and they headed back inside of the greenhouse.

The warmth of the sun increased, and Nagito could feel the sweat begin to bead against the back of his neck. Hinata’s hands were slippery and wet but he didn’t let go as they went further back towards where an open room was. Nagito could hear Tanaka’s low tone and Kuzuryu’s voice mingle with each other in a conversation. Them both being “overlords” of something meant they had a little in common.

The open room was the same as the others. A day bed that was pressed up against the couch, and some flowers to decorate the room. There was a low table in the middle of the room and sheer curtains that stood straight against the square paned windows. Nagito could look out into the garden and enjoy the scene without having to be a part of it.

The A/C of the room was nice and cool, it felt like heaven upon the skin. Nagito watched as Hinata took a seat on the daybed, flopping himself against it as though it was his. He smiled, and once more had to be taken aback.

Was it the suit that made him fall in love three times today? Or was it just the way Hinata was acting? Was it the sun and the way that it managed to catch Hinata in all the best possible lights, accentuating his cheeks and his eyes and catching the red tones that were mingled among the browns of his hair?

Truly. Nagito really did love the hope that laid deep within Hinata, but this wasn’t the place for such sentiments.

“You’re staring again.” Hinata chided and Nagito laughed. “I can’t be that good looking.”

“Perhaps.” Nagito shrugged as he walked over towards the day bed. He watched Hinata move over so that there was room for him to take a seat next to him. “The sun’s just making me see things.”

“...You’re not going to tell me are you?”

Nagito shook his head, “Not tonight, not today. Maybe tomorrow.” When they were home. When Nagito had more courage and fond memories. Maybe when he can get his hand on a hidden object that was in their closet. Maybe he would then say what he wanted to say. Right now though, Nagito wasn’t going to dare take this hope away from his friends. “The wedding’s going to start soon.”

“I know. We should probably make sure everyone’s in line.” Hinata agreed, but neither of them made a move to get up. Whether it was because they were too lazy or some other force kept them there, who knew?

A good moment passed before Nagito felt the daybed shift and he was gently grabbed by the chin. He swallowed his words as Hinata gently pressed his lips against his. “See you at the ceremony, Komaeda-kun.” He murmured as he gently stood up and walked off.

Nagito didn’t even have a chance to say a word.

#komahina week 2020 #konahina #hopetohope #animalprincess #sonia nevermind #gundham tanaka #sonia/gundham #weddings #flull #friendship #love #Lynne's self indulgence #dangnaronpa #sdr2 #dangnaronpa fanfic

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years ago

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How have you been feeling lately? Have you been doing ok? Ehhh, ya know how it is.

Are you currently in quarantine? I mean, places have started to open up again and so many people are out living life like nothing and I’m just like....what. Towards the end of last month was the first time I left the house in 3 months and I haven’t left since, almost a month later. I’m definitely still quarantining. We’re still very much in the thick of this thing, it hasn’t gone anywhere and won’t for a long time. Don’t let the fact that places are opening up again fool you.

Do you wear a mask when you go to the store? I absolutely would if I ever went anywhere. And actually, masks are mandatory in California.

Does your state require people to wear masks in stores? ^^^^

Do you know anyone who’s had the coronavirus? A family friend had it a few months ago. She thankfully is fine.

What was the last sweet treat you ate? A couple spoonfuls of frosting lmao. That’s been my go-to treat lately.

Was it a nice day out today? It’s supposed to be 100F today...

Is the weather nice where you live usually? Uh, most people would probably say that because most like warm, sunny weather. I’m not one of those people.

What was the last thing you ordered online? A book.

Are you expecting a package right now? Aforementioned book.

Have you ever ordered anything from Wish? If so, what did you buy, and did you feel it was worth it? Nope.

Are you a youtuber? If so, are you consistent with uploads? and how many subscribers do you have? Noooo.

What is one thing you hate about summer? The heat!

Did you go outside today? It’s only 6:30AM, but no I won’t be going outside today.

What is the name of your youtube channel, if you have one? I have a YouTube account so I can subscribe and leave comments if I wish, but I don’t make videos.

What was the name of the last store or restaurant that overcharged you? Hmm. I don’t recall.

Is your room more often messy or clean? It’s a little disorganized at the moment. :/

Who is someone you miss? Loved ones who have passed away.

What is something you miss? I want to go to the beach and to the movies again.

Do you feel like your emotions are often haywire? Yes.

Have you ever received a misdiagnosis from a doctor? Yes.

Have you ever been “diagnosed” with a mental illness from an online friend? who is not a doctor? If yes, isn’t that frustrating? No, I haven’t.

Do you have any friends that you can trust and tell everything to? Like I always say, you guys honestly know the most.

What was the name of your favorite roommate you’ve had? I’ve never had a roommate.

Do you have a favorite book that you’ve read multiple times? I’ve never reread a book, actually. I’ve talked about this before, but I just can’t do that for some reason. I can rewatch movies and TV shows, but not reread a book. I guess with the first two it doesn’t require my attention. If it’s something I’ve seen, I don’t have to pay as close attention to it. I can kind of tune in and out or have it on in the background. With a book, that requires your attention. And if I’ve already read it, I know what happens, and I guess it doesn’t hold my attention the same way? Or it’s harder to hold my attention, I guess. But then TV shows and movies, I do like rewatching because I discover things I didn’t the first time and things make sense that didn’t before, ya know? I’m sure that would happen with books, too, so I don’t knowww. It’s hard to explain, man.

What’s one book or book series that you’ve read multiple times?

What was the name of the funniest kid you’ve ever babysat? I’ve only babysat my younger brother and a couple of my cousins when they were kids.

Do you enjoy babysitting? No.

Do you have any big regrets? Yep, plenty.

Are there things about your past that bother you? A lot of things.

What was the last thing you saw or read on social media that made you angry? There’s a lot to be angry about right now.

Do you often post about controversial topics on facebook? Nooo. I really never do.

Do you think it’s a good idea to post about serious topics on social media? or do you think that it’s better to discuss serious topics in person? There’s a lot of benefits to doing that. Like, you’re able to reach a larger audience and spread information quicker. For some it’s easier to discuss things like that in that way instead of verbally or in person. There’s drawbacks, too. Misinformation is often easily spread. Things get misconstrued and interpreted wrong. Tone doesn’t come across the same. And some things shouldn’t be aired out for all to see and should be discussed in private. It really just depends.

What was your favorite book you had to read for school? A Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

Have you ever failed a class and had to repeat it? I had to retake a math course once while at community college.

What class in school did you hate the most? M a t h.

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? Yeah, when I was a kid. I loved playing school.

What’s one childhood dream that has stuck with you, and one that has not? Hmm. Well, I definitely no longer want to be a teacher.

Would you want to re-live your childhood over again if you could? Absolutely. Take me baaaack.

Which do you like more: being an adult or being a kid? I really miss being a kid. This adult thing sucks.

At what age were you when you started to feel like you were mature enough to offer others advice? I wasn’t at all qualified to be giving advice when I was like 12, but there I was. I actually spent a lot of time on the AOL kid and teen message boards and there was a section to discuss things like mental health and struggles people were going through. I used to comment on those posts and chat with people giving out advice that I somehow had at that age. Or I guess thought I had. People came to me advice. My friends always did, too. I was the go-to friend for advice or to just lend an ear.

Did your parents smoke or drink when you were growing up? My dad enjoys his beer, and every once in awhile something stronger, but that’s it. My mom will have a drink or two every once in a great while.

Do you enjoy bonfires? Yesss.

Have you ever stepped on a sparkler? No.

What, do you know of, are you allergic to? Tangerines. Super random, I know.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulence? Yes.

What is your favorite version of the Bible to read, if applicable? NIV.

Do you follow trends? or are you a trendsetter? I’m no trendsetter. I’m not much of a trend follower, either. I just like what I like and do what I want.

Has anyone ever described you as a trendsetter? No.

Do you know anyone who used to be loving, but then turned cold? List three people you’ve known whom this has happened to. I feel like I kind of have these past few years. :X I’m not a heartless, non-loving person, but I just feel like I’ve been hardened. I’m guarded. I’m hurt. I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m so irritable and moody all the time. I’ve pushed everyone away. I’ve been distant and withdrawn and closed off. I feel I’ve been very selfish, too. I haven’t been there for others like I used to be and should be. I’m not social. So yeah, in those ways I do feel like I’ve turned cold.

What SAT subjects, if any, did you get a perfect score in? I never took the SATs.

What were your best subjects in school? and what was your favorite subject in school? English.

Have you ever been abused by a parent or legal guardian? No.

Do you have a lot of wounds from your past? Yes.

Has anyone ever called you a jerk? I’m sure my former friends had a lot of choice words for me.

Are you a jerk? I don’t think I’m a jerk. But for the reasons I listed a few questions up I don’t feel I’ve been very nice.

What color were your bedroom walls in high school? My walls have always been white.

Is there a girl or guy you wish you hadn’t let slip away? Yes, Ty. :/

Is there an old friend that you miss and would like to reconnect with? I miss them, but reconnecting now wouldn’t be right. I’m still not in the place to do so. I can’t give the attention and focus and energy to that right now.

Who has hurt you the most? Myself.

Have you been bullied? No. The only person who has been mean to me and put me down is myself.

Which talent show, if any, would you most like to audition for? and have you auditioned for one? I have no talent.

Do you know anyone who’s auditioned for American Idol? Nope.

Is there someone you think should audition that hasn’t yet? No.

What time of day do you usually feel your best? I haven’t felt my best in a very long time, but I like the time of day when I have my first cup of coffee and in the middle of the night when I’m doing surveys and listening to ASMR.

What’s one way in which you’ve changed within the last ten years? Oh, man. I’ve changed a lot and not in a good way.

Do you feel like time goes by fast, or slow? It’s weird. In the moment, day by day, it feels super slow. Some days it literally feels like the time froze or is moving extra slowly. But then before I know it, another week has gone by. Another month. Another year. Like, we’re already almost done with June and it feels like it just started. The past few months have felt that way to me. But then at the same time 2020 has felt like 84 years???

Who do you know who has died of cancer? No one, thankfully.

Has there been cancer in your family? Yes.

Have you ever stayed overnight in a hospital, and if so, what for? Yeah. I’ve had to stay months in the hospital after surgical procedures.

Have you ever been a victim of police misconduct? No.

Have you ever been so angry you wanted to sue someone? Uh, no. I’m angry with you, so I’m gonna sue! lol.

Have you ever been a victim of racism? I’ve never felt that, no.

Have you ever deleted a friend on facebook for making racist comments? No, I haven’t had anyone on my Facebook make such comments.

What was the last thing you ate? Ramen. Surprise, surprise.

What was the theme of your senior prom? I actually don’t remember.

Did you go to prom? I did.

Have ever been engaged or married? Nope.

Are you an aunt or uncle? No.

Do you live to glorify God and to do His will? Yes.

Are you happy with the way you are living your life day-to-day right now? Absolutely not.

Do you feel like your life was better or worse six years ago? Wow, 2014. It was so different. I was in college and I wasn’t dealing with some of the health stuff I’m dealing with now. I’ve always struggled with depression, but I wasn’t in the low place then that I’ve been in the last few years. I actually had friends back then, too. I didn’t let myself go and neglect myself at that time.

Have you ever made a huge, catastrophic mistake? It sure feels that way to me.

Do you feel like you are currently in a state of suffering? and that not all of your basic needs are being met? If so, how long have you been in a state of suffering? My basic needs, such as food, water, shelter, and clothing, are met. I’m very fortunate in that way.

Do you hate social injustice? >> Nah, I love it. It’s just great. It’s the best thing ever– <<< Right?? What a dumb question.

Are you happy with the current social class you are in? Like I said, I have food and clothing and a roof over my head. I have the necessities. I also am able to have a lot of things that I don’t necessarily need, but just want and enjoy. That’s not to say that my family and I don’t have financial stressors, but we’re doing fine.

Life isn’t fair. True or false? It’s not always what we think of as fair. It’s also subjective. What’s fair or unfair to one, isn’t to another.

Do you hate that life is so unfair? There are definitely a lot of things that I don’t feel are fair and yeah, it sucks.

Name a few people who seem to have everything handed to them. I don’t really know anyone like that, personally.

Who do you go to when you’re upset? No one, usually.

Do you pray less or more than you did 5 years ago? Five years ago I didn’t pray at all.

Do you pray a lot? No. :/ That’s something I really want to work on.

Do you frequently have back pain? Yes, I have chronic pain.

What’s the worst side effect you’ve experienced for a medication? and what’s the worst withdrawal effect you’ve experienced from a medicine? I haven’t liked the way the anti-depressants I’ve tried made me feel. I also didn’t feel they were working, so it wasn’t worth it to me to continue taking them. Perhaps I just didn’t find the right one for me, but I’ve been afraid about trying more. I also worry about getting on and then eventually getting off them. I’ve heard about withdraw side effects like brain zaps and that doesn’t sound pleasant. I was fortunate that I hadn’t experienced that from the ones I was on. On another note, I have been on vicodin for several years for pain management and that would definitely cause ugly withdrawal symptoms.

Have you ever used an epi pen? No.

What’s a name that you like but probably wouldn’t use for one of your kids? I don’t even plan on having kids, so.

What’s you name, and do you like it? Stephanie. Yeah, it suits me fine.

Would you prefer to give your kids common names or unique names?

Do you feel like anybody values you in the way that you deserve? I don’t value myself, so I don’t feel I deserve to be valued.

Who have you felt the most valued by? I know my family does.

Have you ever been treated like you were inferior? Yes.

What was the name of the biggest bully in your high school? If there was one, I didn’t know. High school for me wasn’t at all like how it’s portrayed in movies. There wasn’t the snobby popular girl or clique that walked around campus and owned the school. There were popular kids, sure, but it wasn’t like that. And there also wasn’t the big bully who went around stuffing kids in trash cans or lockers or knocking their books down or something. I can’t say no one was bullied, but again it wasn’t like how it’s shown in movies and TV shows.

Do you ever sleep outside? No.

How many siblings do you have? Two.

Are you the oldest, youngest, middle, or only child? I’m the middle kid.

How many kids do you want to have? Zero.

Do you want to get married? No.

Best date you’ve been on? Coffee shop and bookstore dates with Ty.

Dream date? Beach/boardwalk and Disneyland.

Ever kissed someone on New Year’s? Nope.

Have you ever had an experience so good you felt like you were flying? When I had too much of an edible.

Have you ever been in so much pain you prayed that you would die? Yes.

What brings you the most joy? My doggo.

What is your passion; what is it that would bring you the most joy and fulfillment in life? I don’t know.

Have you ever laid your dreams aside because someone else wanted you to? No.

Who supports you in everything you do? My family.

Who always tries to stop you whenever you try to go after your dreams? No one. The only thing that has stopped me and got in my way is me. And my health.

Do you believe in following your heart, in going after your dreams? Yes. If you have dreams and a passion, you absolutely should go after them.

Do you wish other people would want you to be happy? Other people do want me to be happy. It’s my brain that doesn’t.

Do you wish you had someone who loved and supported you? I do.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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screw-real-life-i-pick-fandoms · 5 years ago

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Hearts on the High Seas (Pirate!Tom Hiddleston x Reader)

Chapter Nine: Happily Ever After

Part 9/11

Words: 1,688

(Thomas' POV)

It was the night before me and Y/N's wedding, and some of the crew wanted to celebrate with me at one of the local taverns. I wanted to spend time with her, but she said it was fine if I went out with them, and with some persuading, I found myself sitting a tavern with a cup of beer in my hand, laughing with the rest of the crew.

"A toast!" John yelled while raising his mug of ale in the air, spilling some in the prosses. "To Captain Thomas and Y/N! May you have many long years together!"

A cheer was heard from the rest of the crew and we all drank.

"Thank you," I said looking to him and then around the room. "All of you. She really is the love of my life, and I don't think it would have been possible for me to marry her if it weren't for all of you, my brave and loyal crew!"

Another cheer erupted from the crew. I sat and continued to talk and drink, enjoying myself, but also missing my bride-to-be. Alex came up behind me and patted my shoulder, looking at me with a knowing smile.

"Get out of here," He said with a laugh. "The boys will be fine and I can tell you want to go to her. Don't worry, they will understand."

I nodded in thanks and slipped away from the bar and out the doors of the pub and into the dark streets back to the ship.

(Y/N POV)

I sat up in my and Thomas' bed reading a book he had gotten me that morning about the constellations. I was so engrossed in the book I didn't notice a tall figure come into the room.

"Good evening, love," Tom's soft voice made me jump in surprise, and he chuckled at my reaction. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."

He moved from his position leaning against the wooden doorframe and walked over to the bed. I smiled as he got closer to me. He placed a soft kiss to the top of my head and then he walked to where he keeps his clothes. He grabbed a loses cotton shirt and tossed it to me, and once I had it began to take off the many layers of his day clothes.

"Are you not going to close your eyes or turn around?" Thomas asked when he got down to his undershirt.

"Nope," I said with a smile. "Why would I turn around when the view is in front of me?"

"Now now, Y/N," He said removing his shirt to reveal his well-toned chest. "There will be plenty of time for that tomorrow night."

He sent me a cheeky look and walked over to me to get his shirt for sleeping in. I was blushing bright red when I handed it to him, and he laughed. Thomas put the shirt on and slipped into bed next to me. I felt nervous about tomorrow, the wedding, and the night that would follow."

"Don't worry," He said lightly grabbing my chin to face him. "Everything will be fine. The wedding will be perfect, and as for what comes after," He placed a quick, loving kiss to my lips. "There is no need to be afraid, you trust me, right? I would never dream of hurting you. We will have a night of gentle love-making, and we will be one. The moment we have been waiting for since we were young will finally happen. After years of waiting, we will finally be Mr. and Mrs. Captain Hiddleston."

I snuggled in close to him as he talked. The vibrations of his soft deep voice lulling me to sleep.

"That sounds amazing," I said softly, growing tired. "I love you so much, Thomas."

"I love you too," Thomas said kissing the top of my head once again. "Forever and always."

That was the last thing I heard before I fell into a peaceful sleep, excited for what the next day would bring.

*Time Skip to Morning*

(Thomas POV)

I woke to the sounds of water lapping against the ship and the warmth of Y/N sleeping soundly wrapped in my arms. She looked so peaceful laying next to me, but I couldn't resist placing a light kiss on her forehead. Y/N shifted a bit and her beautiful Y/E/C eyes looked into mine.

"Good morning love," I said as she moved into my grasp. "How is my soon-to-be-wife doing this morning?"

"Seeing as it's our wedding day," She began with a smile. "I could not be better."

We continued to lay there, no words exchanged, just the two of us in a loving embrace.

*Time Skip*

(Y/N POV)

I had just gotten into the white lace-covered dress that John and I made for the wedding. It was beautiful, with long sleeves, and a loose train.

"You look stunning," John said once he stepped back and got a good look of me in the dress. "If the captain doesn't lose it when he sees I don't know what will."

"Thank you, John," I said looking at myself for the first time. "The dress is wonderful. Thank you for all of the help."

"Lucky for you I had a mother who wanted a girl," He said with a laugh. "Looks like it came in handy."

I laughed as well and gave him a hug.

"You and Alex were always so kind to me," I said after stepping back. "Even when you thought I was a man. You helped me on the ship and made me feel welcome."

There was a knock on the door and Alex came in with a smile.

"Whoa!" He said after looking me over. "You tow did an incredible job on that dress."

"Thanks," I said looking at John with a smile. "Now that you are both here, there is something I wanted to ask you."

"Go ahead, mon amie." John said.

"We are all ears," Alex said. "What is it?"

"Well," I began. "Seeing as I left everyone but Tom behind, and I view you two as family, as brothers. Would you two do me the honor of walking me down the aisle?"

"It would be our pleaser." Alex said happily putting a hand on my shoulder."

"Absolutely," John said with a slight leap. "We wouldn't now want you to walk yourself."

I brought them both in for a hug.

"Thank you both so much." I said as I hugged them.

"Come on now," Alex said after we all separated. "Let's get you married."

*Time Skip*

(Thomas' POV)

I was standing next to Father Danials on the shore, the crew was standing a few feet away. Any moment now Y/N would come down the rock stairs and make her way across the sand to us.

"Nervous?" Father Danials asked me with a small smile.

"Yes," I said. "But in a good way. I have known her my whole life and always knew I would marry her but after everything that has happened over the past few years, I didn't believe we could. I can't believe this is really happening."

"Love is a strange, yet beautiful thing," Father Danials said patting me on the shoulder. "True love can go through a lot and come out the other side even stronger than before. I am sure that is what you love for Y/N has done. Don't be nervous Thomas, just remember you two are young and this is only the beginning for you and Y/N."

"Thank you, Father," I said with a smile. "I do love her, more than words can describe in fact. Thank you for marrying us under these strange circumstances."

"It is no trouble," Said Father Thomas as he flipped through his bible. "No matter who someone is, they should be able to marry."

I gave him a nod and then I saw movement out of the corner of my eye caught my attention. I looked down the shore and my breath hitched. Between Alex and John, Y/N walked across the send to us in a beautiful dress that blew around her in the breeze. With every step closer she took, the world seemed to slow.

Once she was in front of me, she unlinked her arms from John and Alex, and I took bother her hands in mine. I stared into her beautiful deep Y/E/C eyes, and she had a huge smile on her face.

"Hi." She said with a small chuckle.

"Hello darling," I said with a smile matching hers. "You look absolutely stunning."

"You don't look bad yourself," She said with a light blush. "I still can't believe this is happening."

"Me either," I said back. "I love you so much."

*Time Skip*

(Y/N's POV)

"Do you Thomas William Hiddleston, take Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Father Danials asked with a smile.

"I do," Thomas said looking deep into my eyes. "Always and forever."

"And do you, Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N, take Thomas William Hiddleston to be your lawfully wedded husband?" Father Danials asked looking at me.

"I do," I said with a lager smile. "Forever and always."

"Then by the power invested in me," Father Danials said as he closed his bible. "I pronounce you, husband and wife."

Thomas wrapped me in his arms and lifted me off the ground as he brought his lips to mine. Once our lips connected, it was as if time stud still and we were the only people in the world. The kiss was filled with love, pain, passion, and all the unspoken thoughts we had for each other.

After what somehow seemed like a moment and forever had gone by, we parted and Thomas lowered me back to the ground but did not let me out of his grasp. The sounds of cheering faded into my awareness and I turned to see the crew hollering with happiness.

"I love you so much," I said breathlessly. "So so much."

"As do I," Thomas said as he brought his hand to my cheek, "More than words can describe."

"May I present to you for the very first time, Mr. and Mrs. Captain William Hiddleston," Father Danials said as the crowd calmed a bit and turned to us. "May you two be blessed in the rest of your life."

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