#guess who spent 48 hours doing nothing but writing and formatting

[itsclydebitches]

Discredit Pt. 2: More Recommended Reviews For A.Z. Fell’s

Alright, folks. Some notes first: 

1. You all rock. I’m sending out 20k+ virtual hugs for all the notes I NEVER expected to get on this nonsense. 

2. This is probably the final section, just because I’m not sure I can adequately follow up part one and it might be foolish to attempt it here. Let alone twice. But for now, here we go. 

3. Kudos to the anon who reminded me of Aziraphale’s cash-only policy <3 

4. Nicole Y’s review is based off an actual comment I read years ago, but heaven only knows where online it was. I’ve got the memory of a goldfish. 

5. Trigger warning for the use of a queer slur in this. It’s the same review as above, number 5 if you want to avoid it. 

6. There’s a text-only version of just the reviews at the end, after all the images. I’ll upload that to my Sparse Clutter collection on AO3 in a bit. 

Bonus 7. People thinking this is a real shop deserve all the good things in this world. 

That’s all I’ve got. Hope you enjoy! 👍

****************************************************************************

I’m a simple guy who likes simple jokes. If there’s a whoopee cushion I plant it. I will call you up to ask if your refrigerator is running and then tell you to go catch it. (Actually that one died out so thoroughly it’s actually capable of a comeback now!). Yes, I’m a dad and yes, I have a t-shirt that says Dad Jokes? I Think You Mean Rad Jokes! which I wear un-ironically every Saturday. All of which is just to say that my wife was well prepared for my stupidity when I walked into Fell’s.

I? I was not.

You see the bibles when you walk in? The ones to the left? Let them be. Don’t even look at them. Definitely don’t pick out the fanciest one you can find and absolutely don’t walk up to the owner with it held in your pudgy little fingers, grinning like a loon, cheerfully asking whether this should be in the fiction section. Just don’t. Mark my words you’ll regret it. Though your wife won’t. She’ll get a great old laugh out of it all.

In conclusion: it’s quite possible that mama did raise a fool and he just got his ass verbally whooped by a guy in a bowtie.  

***

Shout-out to Mr. Fell for being the only decent bloke in this city. I’ve popped in and out of his store for years—including before I started transitioning. So he knew my dead name, dead look, whole shebang and I was definitely nervous to play the ‘You know me, but this is what’s changed and are you gonna throw a fit about it?’ game.

You know what he said? “Oh, Rose! What a lovely choice. Crowley dear, why aren’t you growing any roses? Some white ones would look splendid next to my Henredon chair.”

That’s it. He just went straight into dragging his partner for not giving him roses. So hey, Mom? Next time you’re snooping through my social media why don’t you explain to all these nice people why the 50+yo book seller accepts me in ways you won’t. Don’t go telling me age is an excuse or that you’re ‘Stuck in your ways.’ I’ve watched Fell dress in the same damn clothes since I was ten!!

Yeah. Sorry. Rant over. Fell’s a gem. That’s my take. Rose out.

***

Anyone else in the shop when that guy started yelling about buying pornography? And then got escorted into the back room for some ‘private conversation’? Well done, Mr. Fell! Didn’t know you had it in you.

***

Alright alright alright alright I am TOTALLY calm about this.

Went into A.Z. Fell’s last Thursday. Not because I knew anything about the place. Just because I’ve been hitting up every bookshop within a twenty-mile radius, asking if they’re hosting any book signings. Long story short I self-published my novel Blight last month—which you can get for a mere £5 here but I swear this isn’t a promotional thing I’m just BROKE—and have been looking for networking opportunities, tips, stuff like that. So the owner listened politely as I explained all this. Then said he didn’t do anything of that sort, which didn’t surprise me given the shop’s vibe.

But then? Then??? He offered to let me do a signing there??????

As said. Totally calm about this. This man either plans to kidnap me or is actually giving me my first shot at an audience outside my blog. AKA totally worth the risk.

Tuesday the 9th. 7:00pm. Just in case anyone’s interested ;)

***

holy sweet baby jesus i was tripping balls last week you tryin’ to tell me that kING KONG SIZED FANGED FUCK SNAKE IS REAL

***

Witnessed the most perfect exchange the other day:

Grumpy Dude With No Manners: “You. Boy. Where’s the man I spoke with over the phone?”

Mr. Fell’s Partner Who Knows Damn Well Only Two of Them Work There But Clearly Doesn’t Like This Guy’s Tone: “Did this man give you his name?”

Grumpy Dude: “Might have. Don’t remember. Sounded like a fairy though.”

Me: “....”

My girlfriend: “....”

This Poor Sweet Startled Kid On Our Left: “?!?!?!?”

Fell’s Partner In The Drollest Voice I’ve Ever Heard: “None of us have wings. Out!”

***

This shop gets full stars simply because every time I walk in they’re playing Queen.

I mean, I’ve walked in once, but once is enough when you’ve got Crazy Little Thing Called Love blasting full volume.

***

Okay, I’m still kind of shaken up but I needed to write this out somewhere and this seemed as good a place as any.

I spilled my latte on a book. Just tripped on thin air, popped the lid, and chucked a venti’s worth of coffee all over a very expensive looking text. I didn’t mean to, obviously, but it happened and I just started bawling on the spot. Full on sobs because this semester has been absolute hell, I ruined this guy’s antique, there’s no way I can pay for it, I can’t even sneak away because I’m drawing the whole store’s attention...just all the things all at once. I really was straight up panicking and was seconds away from pulling out my inhaler. I couldn’t breathe.

And then Mr. Fell showed up.

Jesus it’s embarrassing to admit but I think I hit him once or twice. On the arms I mean, because he was trying to touch me and I figured, I don’t know, it was a restraint or something. He was going to call the police and hold me until they got there. But then he managed to start rubbing my back and I lost it like I hadn’t already been bawling my eyes out in this shop. Ever cry into a perfect stranger’s chest? I have! But if Mr. Fell seemed to mind he definitely didn’t show it. Just kept holding me while I probably ruined his shirt and then took me into the back and made me a new coffee in this cute little angel mug. He let me stay there while I called my sister and waited for her to arrive.

She’s a good twenty minutes outside of Soho, so we talked for a while. It’s not like Mr. Fell could fix my shit roommate or bio classes, but I guess just talking about it all really helped. I was a lot calmer by the time my sis arrived and Mr. Fell insisted I come back any time I wanted—for browsing or more coffee.

Of course, sis offered to pay for the book herself. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone look so surprised in my life. “Certainly not!” he said. “Contrary to popular belief, no one should pay for their mistakes. It’s what makes you all so wonderfully human.”

So yeah. Thanks, Mr. Fell.

***

This little shop must have started a book club for kids! Lately I’ve seen the same group of children hanging out at Fell’s. Three boys and a girl. They’re a bit rambunctious at times, but who isn’t at that age? So wonderful seeing literature passed down to the next generation. Even if some of it is rather questionable looking...

***

It’s an honest crime that more of you aren’t talking about what a wonderful bookstore this is.

I’m a book lover at heart and Fell’s always makes me feel like I’m coming home. I just arrived somewhere safe and familiar after a particularly harrowing day. I’ve slipped under the covers of my bed after dinner and a bubble bath. It’s something like that, but with an element of surprise too. One of the reasons why I adore private and used shops over chain stores is that little touch of chaos. You walk in and sure, there are general sections to browse, but everything is just a little bit disorganized from people leafing through books and then putting them back somewhere else. There’s no real record keeping, you’ve just gotta head to one particular corner and hope for the best. It’s not the sort of place you go to if you want something specific because the chances of them having it are slim—that’s just how the universe works—and even if they did no employee knows where it is anymore.

But if you wander the shelves for a while, crouch down low to get a look at everything on the bottom shelf, pay attention to the books that don’t have easy to read titles or any summaries to speak of... you just might find something you didn’t know you were looking for. That’s Fell’s: the comfort of the familiar and the excitement of the unknown.

*** A lot of people might assume that these stories are embellished or outright made up, but as a bookseller myself going on twenty years I believe every single one of them.

That being said, I accidentally moved a rug and found chalk sigils that look like they belong in a cult. Make of that what you will.

***

There’s a special place in hell for 21st century shop owners that only take cash. Who carries cash anymore? Not me! I haven’t bothered with that nonsense in years! You can get a card reader for 15 pounds on Amazon. Or you know what? Be stingy and pay 7 for the little attachment on your phone. This place is nuts if it thinks it’s going to survive much longer on a cash-only policy, especially with some books that look like they’re worth hundreds or thousands of pounds! Yeah, yeah, just let me pull out this giant wad of bills for you. I’ll carry them around a crime-laden city because there’s no ATM near you either.

I mean jesus, you’d think this guy didn’t want to sell anything.

***

I walked in. There was a man screaming at a fern while another threatened him with an umbrella. I walked out.

5 stars do recommend.

***

I once walked in on the same (?) guy yelling at a book for daring to fall on the owner’s head. I think that’s just a Thing over there.

***

Like a lot of people here I didn’t actually go to Fell’s for any books (flat tire, Angel Recovery taking forever) and ended up staying three hours (not because of Angel). No, I wandered towards the back and found this ancient CRT set propped on a table of books, the kind that my Dad used to watch Twilight Zone on. This lanky guy had a marathon of Gilmore Girls going... though how he was managing that with a broken antenna and no DVR, I really don’t know. But yeah. He told me to pull up a chair and I did. Guy gave me popcorn.

I wish I’d paid a little more attention to his name. Charlie? Curley? I really can’t remember, but thanks for the enjoyable afternoon, man.

***

I BOUGHT A BOOK HERE

Not sure how though. Just kinda happened. First edition of Just William. Frankly I didn’t even want the thing, but the owner basically shoved me out the door with it when I took two seconds to look at the spine. Odd that he was so willing to part with this one.

Update: ... hold up. I didn’t buy a book because I never actually paid the guy. ‘Basically shoved me out the door’ was literal. Do I go back??

***

This page has really gone feral the last couple of months so I’m just gonna bite the bullet and say it:

Anyone notice that Fell’s snake and Fell’s partner are never in the same room together?

***

I really don’t like the implications of this…

***

This is precisely why the Internet has turned into a cesspool. You all should be ashamed of some of the stuff you’re writing here. Can’t two men just be friends anymore? Two real life men? These guys aren’t some characters for you to ‘ship’ or whatever. Quit making outrageous assumptions about their sexualities and use this website for what it’s actually for: reviewing the bookshop. Honestly I’m so sick of this sort of this shit.

***

Dude. They run a queer-focused shop together with a flat on the second floor. Fell calls the guy ‘Dear’ and he’s always calling him ‘Angel.’ People have literally seen them kissing. If you want I can give you the number of my physician. He might be able to help you pull your head out of your ass.

***

What the hell is your problem? I’m literally just reminding people to stop making assumptions. It’s gross and insulting. These guys check their Yelp page. You really think they’re gonna be okay with this stuff?

Also: I’m not the five-year-old relying on insults, so.

***

Making an account purely to set the record straight: I’m the hot twink in question and I married that angel. Peace

[hopecountyisforlovers]

Case#0122208

rating: spooky stuff in here but otherwise general

pairing: none

words: 1727

summary: Statement of Roger Tao regarding his time lost at sea. Original statement given August 22nd, 2012. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

( this was my go at writing a statement about my newest magnus archives s/i, alexei underwood ! i wont give away much more than that BUT i will say tumblr really fucked up the formatting on this one. it was set up to look like a transcript on word. oh well )

----------x----------

Archivist

Statement of Roger Tao regarding his time lost at sea. Original statement given August 22nd, 2012. Audio recording by Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London.

Statement begins.

Archivist

I've always loved the ocean. The crash of the waves against the shore, the cries of sea birds, the way the sun dyes the water orange and red, the reflection of the moon against the rippling water. The serenity of it.... on the beach at night, it almost feels like you could easily be the last person on earth.

I used to.....to find that a comfort, believe it or not. That it was just me- that I had no worries in regards to taking care of anyone else, no family, no job that I hated that I still had to get back to once my short respite was done. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife, and my kids, I just- a man needs his alone time, doesn't he? An escape from the... hectic pace, of everyday life.

It was like a routine- every Friday afternoon, after getting off work, I would make the hour-and-then-some drive to Whitstable Beach. I'd bring, you know- a folding chair, maybe a beer or two.. and stay just long enough to get my fill of what I was seeking all the way out there. Peace, I guess.

That night was like most others- I had had a few. Not enough to be proper drunk, mind you, just enough to put a buzz in my head and a tingle in my fingertips. The sun fell in the sky as it always did, and still does- the moon shone up off the water, full and fat and round, a distorted image that didn't quite match its partner in the sky.

I had just risen from my folding chair to stretch, having sobered up enough to consider making my way home, when... when I saw someone, standing a ways down the beach from where I was. It sent a shiver down my spine- how long had they been there? It's a scary thing, to suddenly realize one is not as alone as they previously thought they were. But even more frightening than that was... was their stillness. The water washed in over their trouser legs, soaking them, but... but they just. Stood there. Staring out over the ocean. Just like I had been, I guess, but. Something about looking at them... made me feel....cold, despite the balm of the summer night.

I didn't realize I was getting closer until I could start to make out their features. It was a man, albeit a feminine one- long, mist-and-water colored hair flowed down his back, blew in the sea breeze that didn't seem to bother him despite his wet clothing.

I stopped, dead in my tracks, making for the first time that night an audible shuffling sound as my feet planted in the damp sand. It was barely loud enough for me to hear, and...and yet...

He turned, slow, fluid- and looked right at me.

His face was soft and round, I could tell even from a distance. But his eyes... they glowed, bright blue-white, with all the force of a sunny sky. It hurt my eyes to look at, and I felt all at once vertigo, and that bone-chilling cold- as if I had been shoved off of a frozen mountaintop.

I could have sworn I saw him smile.

And... and then. Well, here's the part where you're going to start thinking I'm crazy. Or that I was drunk, I guess, but I swear to you that I wasn't. Even if I had been... No. No. I saw what I saw. What happened to me... what happened to me was real. It had to be. He has to be.

He turned away from me, and... and he walked onto the water. Not into it. On top of it. The man took a few steps, looking back at me expectantly- I wanted nothing more than to run, at that moment. To turn the other way and get back in my car and never come back to this beach again. Except that I didn't- that was what my rational brain was screaming at me of course, but.... but something much, much deeper, more ingrained, a part forgotten by modern society... it begged me to follow him.

So follow him I did.

I truly don't know what I thought I would accomplish. In a way, it almost didn't matter- when I took my first step on top of the water, he turned back to look at me. Up close, his smile was sweet and demure. He giggled, honest to God giggled, and although looking him directly in the eyes made my knees weak and my fingers cold and my stomach feel like it was about to evacuate it contents, I couldn't look away. But no- I didn't want to look away, anymore than I didn't not want to follow him.

It's embarrassing to say, but... that was all it took. I had forgotten my family, my life- all I wanted was to see that smile again. It dominated my mind so easily that I didn't even notice when he had begun walking forward again, away from the safety of the shore and into the deep, inky black of the ocean we were standing on.

I don't know how long we walked. It could have been minutes, hours, days... but the moon never moved from it's position in the sky, so I figured it couldn't have been too long. The ocean stretched on and on for miles and miles, and I watched him. I kept such a close eye on him, the new focal point of my universe, the only thing that mattered. Every so often, when my legs would go weak and I'd consider the traitorous thought of turning back, he would stop and turn around, eyes lighting up the night, smile making my heart race, and.. and I would be refreshed.

It went on like that....until he....disappeared.

There isn't a better word for it, really. He turned back towards me, smiled his incandecant smile, and....and it happened so instantly, like he had been swallowed up by the mist and fog that rested gently atop the water, that I thought for sure it must be a trick of the dark. Surely, he had to still be there. Surely.

But.. but he wasn't. He was gone. And I realized with a newfound panic when I spun around that the shore was gone, too. That I wasn't even sure what direction it was in, or if we had been walking in a straight line the whole time. It wasn't even a pinprick in the horizon.

That wasn't... wasn't the worst part of it, though. If it had been cold, to look at him, being without him now felt like...like whatever warmth lives inside us and makes us human had been all but extinguished. I fell to my knees on the water, but not through it, somehow, soaking my pant legs, clutching my chest where that flame had once lived so happily like it was the bloody hole it felt like as heaving sobs overtook my body.

They wouldn't stop, incensed by the pain that ripped and tore it's way through my chest. Tears fell to join the ocean water, the mist that covered it rising and swirling and wrapping around me like it was overjoyed by my pain. I know... I know I heard him giggle, again. The same way that he had when I had first started following him.

I don't know how long it was, how long I spent out there, pouring my anguish and grief into the unforgiving ocean, before the energy left my body so thoroughly that I collapsed onto the water. Only that when I awoke on the beach the next morning, waterlogged and with a sore throat but no worse for wear, families were just starting to gather on the sand, setting up blankets. One of the children even waved at me, although they were quickly chided by a protective parent for doing so.

I packed up, got back in my car, and drove home. Linda was speaking with the police, when I got there and was all but overjoyed- if not incensed, to see me in one piece. She told me... told me that I had been missing for almost 3 days. She hugged me, and I apologized, but..

I wish I could say I never went back to that beach. I wish I could say that I didn't see him in my dreams every time I manage to fall asleep, beckoning for me to follow him, smiling that angels smile. I wish I could say that I didn't still want to. I wish I could say I'm still a devoted husband and father of two.

But it would be a lie. I'm there every night, now. Watching. Waiting. I need... I need for him to come back. I need to see him again. The empty space in me that he created.. the light that he snuffed out. It hurts. It hurts. I can't.. laugh. Or smile. When I try, it... it just sounds. Looks.

People have stopped inviting me out. I think my wife might leave me.

I just have to see him again.

Archivist

Statement ends.

This one is rather easy to corroborate, but much harder to actually prove, if such a thing is possible. Police reports do indicate that Mr. Tao was reported missing by his wife Linda on the 10th of August 2012, stating that he had been gone without a trace for 48 hours, a missing persons inquest that was succinctly called off when he returned home the next day while the officers interviewed her.

I had Martin do some digging, and unfortunately, Mr. Tao was found dead shortly after a motion was filed for his divorce. Someone who lived in a home near Whitstable Beach reported seeing him simply walk into the ocean and never come back out. The police eventually did locate his body- cause of death was, unremarkably, drowning. On his person was what seemed to be a letter, although it had become soaked through to the point it was quite unreadable.

One can only hope it was not a love letter.

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior February 28, 2020 – THE INVISIBLE MAN, GREED

Welcome to Leap Weekend (if there is such a thing) as we get that one extra day of February for the first time in four years before we leap (get it?) headlong into March’s proverbial lion on Sunday.

This past weekend, 20th Century’s Call of the Wild did far better than anyone had projected as it benefited greatly from being one of the most Disney-friendly movies produced by the former Fox-house, as well as the solid reviews. Even though I probably had one of the highest projections for the weekend at $17 million, it ended up blowing that away with $25 million, coming out just below Sonic the Hedgehog. This coming weekend it might surpass it. Brahms II fell short of my already-low prediction. (Also, Impractical Jokers: The Movie ended up making $2.6 million in 357 theaters last weekend, just missing the top 10. Makes me curious how many more theaters it will expand into this weekend... but we’ll get back to that in a bit.)

Thankfully, this weekend we only get one new wide release, and it’s a good one, as Saw and Insidious co-creator Leigh Whannell takes on HG Wells’ THE INVISIBLE MAN (Universal) with Elisabeth Moss playing the unseen killer’s primary victim, one who believes her toxic and abusive ex Adrian Griffin (Oliver Jackson-Cohen from “The Haunting of Hill House”) is dead, but in fact, he’s just invisible!  I know, it sounds cornier than it actually is. By the time you read this, I’ll have probably already written my full review so you already know that I kind of dug what Whannell did here.

This will be an interesting test to see if Moss can bring her popularity from shows like “The Handmaiden’s Tale” and “Mad Men” to the big screen since she really hasn’t been the lead in many big studio releases. Obviously, she had a fairly big role in Jordan Peele’s Uslast year, which was also produced by Jason Blum for Universal, and that did decently by opening with $71 million. (That movie got a huge boost by being Peele’s follow-up to the Oscar-winning Get Out with the amazing Lupita Nyong’o.) A few months later, Moss’ co-starring role in the WB graphic novel-based crime thriller The Kitchen tanked even with support from bigger stars like Melissa McCarthy and Tiffany Haddish. The Invisible Man will be a good test to see if Moss can carry a major wide release, already having a strong fanbase, especially among critics thanks to last year’s indie Her Smell.

There’s a pretty long history of Universal’s Classic Monsters being brought back to the screen with Dracula and Frankenstein getting the most iterations -- some more successful than others. Francis Ford Coppola’s 1992 movie Bram Stoker’s Dracula was one of the bigger hits for the time, grossing $82 million after a $30 million opening, and this was 1992 money, mind you.

Just ten years ago, Universal’s The Wolf Man opened with $31.5 million over the Presidents Day weekend and ended up grossing $61.9 million, the name value of its title character helping quite a bit but only for that opening weekend. Even though it was universally (ha ha) panned, Tom Cruise’s The Mummy reboot also opened with $31.7 million (in the summer) although it failed to kick-start Universal’s planned “Dark Universe” shared universe of films. The lack of quality for those projects may hurt The Invisible Man with moviegoers who have felt like they’ve been burned too many times before, but we’ll have to see how the critics feel about it. (Reviews so far are mostly positive, at the time of this writing.)

Going back further, the Paul Verhoeven thriller Hollow Man, starring Kevin Bacon, opened with $26.4 million on its way to $73.2 million, so I can’t see any reason why 20 years later, The Invisible Man can’t find similar success.

Sure, there’s been a serious downturn on horror over the past two months with so many pretty mediocre horror movies getting released, few of them doing well. The name brand of The Invisible Man and the Blumhouse branding (not to mention Universal’s marketing, which has done a decent job with the trailers and commercials) should allow it to make $26 to 30 million (maybe more?) – it won’t have a problem being the #1 movie at the box office this weekend regardless.

My Review of The Invisible Man

My Interview with Leigh Whannell over at VitalThrills.com

The Invisible Man shouldn’t have a hard time taking #1 whether it ends up on the low point of projections or breaks out with something closer to $30 million or more. Even more interesting to watch is the bottom of the top 10 and whether last week’s Emma or Impractical Jokers: the Movie might break into the top 10 depending on their respective expansions. The latter might have a slight advantage since it might be targeting 700 to 800 theaters or more while Emma is only expanding into about 100 theaters before its nationwide release next week.

Also, apparently the popular manga series “My Hero Academia” is coming to the big screen starting tonight with the nationwide release of My Hero Academia: Heroes Rising, but since I know almost nothing about the series or how many theaters it might open in, there’s not much more I can add. Maybe it’ll do well enough to break into the top 10, but who really knows?  The previous movie grossed $5.5 million domestically with an August ‘18 opening, and presumably, its sequel can do even better with the series being even more popular. I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt that it could end up with $3 million over the weekend if it opens in 500 or more theaters, but it’s really a stab in the dark here.

1. The Invisible Man (Universal) - $30.6 million N/A (up $2 million)*

2. Call of the Wild (20th Century) - $15.4 million -38%

3. Sonic the Hedgehog  (Paramount) - $14 million -47%

4. Harley Quinn: Birds of Prey  (Warner Bros) - $3.5 million -48%

5. Bad Boys for Life (Sony) - $3.5 million -40%

6. My Hero Academia: Heroes Rising (FUNimation) - $3.1 million N/A* (based on 550 theaters - note that this opens Weds i.e. today)

7. 1917  (Universal) - $2.6 million -38%

8. Brahms: The Boy II (STXfilms) - $2.5 million -57%

9. The Impractical Jokers Movie (TruTV) - $2.2 million -15%* (based on 750 theaters)

10. Jumanji: The Next Level  (Sony) - $2.1 million -35%

11. Emma. (Focus Features) or Parasite (NEON)   - $1.7 million (down .3 million)

*UPDATE: Giving Invisible Man a little boost since it’s opening in about 600 more theaters than my earlier projection plus the reviews have mostly been positive which will definitely help. Still no actual theater counts for My Hero Academia and The Impractical Jokers movie, so I guess we’ll have to see when numbers come in Saturday where they end up.

LIMITED RELEASES

This week’s FEATURED MOVIE is GREED (Sony Pictures Classics), the new collaboration between Michael Winterbottom and Steve Coogan, whose earlier films, 24 Hour Party People and “The Trip” movies (a fourth one coming out this summer!) are some of my favorite British comedies. In this one, Coogan plays Sir Richard McCreadie, the “King of High Street,” who has earned a reputation for his billion-dollar fashion store empire by negotiating wholesalers’ prices down, even when it means the already poorly-paid workers overseas are deprived further of anything close to a fair wage.

The film is told through a pseudo-doc format as McGreadie’s family and staff are preparing for his lavish 60th birthday soirée in Greece, complete with a facsimile version of Rome’s Colosseum so that “Greedy” McCreadie can fulfill his fantasies of being Russell Crowe in Ridley Scott’s Gladiator. What could possibly go wrong? The story is told through McGreadie’s biographer Nick (the amazing David Mitchell from Peep Show in a rare movie role!) who is going around the world talking to those who know McGreadie to get interviews for a video profile to be shown for the event.

Greed takes on a fairly standard mockumentary format with Winterbottom (who also cowrote this screenplay himself, another rarity for the filmmaker) putting together an impressive cast that includes Isla Fisher as McGreadie’s wife Samantha and Shirley Henderson as his mother (despite her being the same age as Coogan). Much of the humor comes from the comedy-of-errors surrounding this celebration with one thing going wrong after another but things getting progressively worse whenever McGreadie steps in to try to fix things.

The funny thing about watching Greed is that I spent most of the movie convinced it was a biopic about a real person ala 24 Hour Party People, vaguely remembering certain events as something I remember hearing about. Thanks to my old Beat editor Hannah Lodge for pointing out that the movie was in fact loosely based on the true story of billionaire Sir Philip Ross Green, someone I wasn’t even remotely familiar with but clearly was enough in the public consciousness to make me realize this film was loosely based on fact. (I’m sure that many will touch on the toxic masculinity clearly displayed by McGreadie which lines up with accusations about Green, who has repeatedly had his knighthood in danger of being repealed for his behavior and actions.)

I found Greed to be very funny but with a clear and poignant message about what the likes of “Greedy” are regularly getting away with at the expense of beleaguered workers in poverty-stricken countries. In that sense, it doesn’t hit the viewer too hard over the head with its message but still gets it across as well as any actual doc might. There’s also a great Knives Out style turn that will appeal to those who have gotten tired of the wealthy doing whatever they want and getting away with it.

There are other movies I’ll probably be watching this week and a few others that I won’t have a chance to watch.

Andrew Heckler’s BURDEN (101 Studios) premiered over two years ago at the Sundance Film Festival, but it’s finally being revived and released.  It involves a Ku Klux Klan museum opening in a small racially-diverse town in South Carolina in 1996 and how it affects the people of the town. The story mainly revolves around Garrett Hedlund’s Mike Burden, a top soldier for the local KKK head Tom Griffin, played by Tom Wilkinson, who is odds with the local preacher, Reverend David Kennedy (played by Forrest Whitaker) about that museum. When Mike falls for a single mother (Andrea Riseborough), he has to start deciding whether he can leave the KKK despite his inbred hatred for blacks, including Kennedy, who helps him when Griffin turns the town against Mike. This is a decent drama that I wanted to like more because it deals with a really important message about allowing love to overcome hatred. It’s a strong story (based on true events) that features some amazing performances, but particularly from Riseborough (once again virtually unrecognizable!), but also Hedlund and Whitaker, both playing very difficult roles. I guess the problem is that Mike’s inevitable road to redemption is so bumpy with so many ups and downs, you love him, you hate him, he’s good, he’s bad… it really created quite an erratic tone whereas a tighter script could have made this a movie as good or better than Spike Lee’s BlackKklansman. It’s a shame, but I still it’s worth watching since it does deal with issues like racism and hatred that seem to constantly raise their ugly head even when we think there’s hope for a better world. It’ll open in select cities this Friday.s

Speaking of Sundance, Benh Zeitilin’s Beasts of the Southern Wild was all the rage at the festival all the way back in 2012, eventually getting four Oscar nominations, and he finally releases his follow-up WENDY (Fox Searchlight), a re-envisioning of the classic Peter Pan mythos. It once again features a group of no-name non-actors with Devin France in the title role and Yashua Mack playing Peter Pan.

Albert Shin’s moody thriller DISAPPEARANCE AT CLIFTON HILL (IFC Midnight) stars Tuppence Middleton (“Sense 8”) as Abby, a young woman who witnessed a kidnapping at Niagara Falls when she was a girl, who decides to return to home there to see if she can figure out who was responsible.

Apparently, John Turturro’s THE JESUS ROLLS, in which he reprises his bowling character from the Coens’ The Big Lebowski,is opening in select theaters this weekend. Turturro directed the movie that co-stars Bobby Cannavale, Audrey Tautou, Susan Sarandon and Sonia Braga, and for some reason, I thought it was opening on March 20 but apparently, it will be at the IFC Center starting this weekend!

Matthew Pope’s feature debut, the thriller Blood on her Name (Vertical), stars Bethany Ann Lind (from “Ozark”) as Leigh Tiller, a woman who discovers a body of a dead man with his blood draining out onto the floor, and she decides to cover it up while also feeling like she needs to return the body to the man’s family. It will get a special screening at the Nitehawk in Wiliamsburg on Thursday night with Pope, Lind and co-writer Don Thompson doing a QnA, and then will be On Demand (and other select cities) on Friday.

Next up is The Whistlers (Magnolia), the new film from Romanian filmmaker Cornelio Porumboiu (12:08 East of Bucharest, Police Adjective), and it’s a rare Romanian film that’s less than two hours long! It’s a policeman trying to free a crooked businessman from a Romanian prison, first travelling to Gomera, one of the Canary Islands, where he has to learn the local dialect that includes hissing and spissing. Bummed I missed this one. It will open at the Film Forum downtown and Film at Lincoln Center uptown, plus other cities.

Alex Thompson’s Saint Frances (Oscilloscope) is written by and stars Kelly O’Sullivan from “Sirens” as 34-year-old Bridge, who finally catches a break and gets a much-needed job taking care of a six-year-old (Ramona Edith-Williams) and also meets a nice guy but when she gets pregnant, it avoids to unexpected complications with her young liege.

Opening Thursday night at the IFC Center is James Sweeney’s rom-com Straight Up (Strand), starring Sweeney as Todd, an obsessive compulsive gay twenty-something who suddenly gets the existential feeling that maybe he isn’t gay after all. Meeting Karen Finlay’s Rory, a struggling actress, the two form a bond around their conversations.  Sweeney and some of his cast will be doing QnAs at the IFC Center on Thursday, Friday and Saturday nights.

Lastly, D.W. Young’s doc The Booksellers (Greenwich) looks behind the scenes at the world of rare books with appearances by Parker Posey, Fran Lebowitz and Gay Talese. It opens at the Quad in New York and other cities.

Also screening at the IFC Center Weds night is Stuart Sweezey’s excellent music doc Desolation Center, which looks at the efforts by an L.A. concert promoter to hold indie rock/punk shows in the Sahara Desert in the early ‘80s featuring the likes of Sonic Youth, Minutemen, Meat Puppets, Red Kross, Swans, Einstürzende Neubauten and more! The special screening will include a QnA with Sonic Youth’s Lee Ranaldo and Steve Shelley, and having seen it at Rooftop Films last summer, I highly recommend it to fans of any of those bands.

LOCAL FESTIVALS

The big regional film for the New York area, and it’s one that I have yet to be able to attend, mainly since it takes place so far uptown, is the 10thannual Athena Film Festival, which is quite an amazing achievement for my friend Melissa Silverstein and her Women and Hollywood for putting this on for ten years.

This year’s fest runs from February 27 (this Thursday) through March 1 (Sunday), kicking off with Unjoo Moon’s I Am Woman, a biopic about Helen Reddy, who famously wrote that song in the ‘70s. It closes on the 1stwith Suffragette director Sarah Gavron’s Rocks, starring newcomer Bukky Bakray as a teen girl trying to take care of her younger brother and herself. The centerpiece films are Liz Garbus’ Lost Girls, starring Amy Ryan; Haiffa Al-Monsour’s The Perfect Candidate and the Oscar-nominated documentary For Sama. The festival includes a mix of new and already-released films including Harriet, Toni Morrison: the Pieces I Am and lots more. Click on the link above for the full schedule and program of films.

REPERTORY

METROGRAPH (NYC):

Metrograph wraps up its month-long “To Hong Kong with Love” this weekend with the fictional anthology Ten Years (2015), James Leong’s 2018 film Umbrella Diaries: The First Umbrella (chronicling the recent revolution in Hong Kong) as well as a work in progress screening of Leong’s If We Burn. “Climate Crisis Parables” continues with Lars von Trier’s Melancholia (2011) shown again, as well as Bong Joon Ho’s Snowpiercer from 2013, Antonioni’s cRed Desert (1964) and Tarkovsky’s Stalker (1979). Also this weekend, Welcome To Metrograph: Redux will screen the ‘80s classic Beverly Hills Cop (1984), starring Eddie Murphy, as well as Abel Ferrara’s equally classic Bad Lieutenant (1992), starring Harvey Keitel. Also screening Saturday evening is Jeff Kanew’s Black Rodeo (1972) as well as Vincent Gallo’s Buffalo ’88 (1998) and then Claude Chabrol’s 1960 film Les Bonnes Femmes on Monday night. This weekend’s Late Nites at Metrograph  is Ingmar Bergman’s Persona (1966) while Playtime: Family Matinees  is David Lynch’s The Straight Story (1999) a good introduction of Lynch for the kiddies?

ALAMO DRAFTHOUSE BROOKLYN (NYC)

Tonight’s “Weird Wednesday” is 1985’s softcore gladiator film The Perils of Gwendolyn (hosted by my pal, the wonderful Heather Buckley!). Showing earlier this evening (but sadly sold out) is the Tom Cruise/Brad Pitt classic Interview with the Vampire (1994). Thursday begins the Alamo’s “VHStival” with a screening of the 1987 flick Video Violence, and then next Monday’s “VHS Vortex” movie is Evil Spawn, also from 1987. Next Tuesday’s “Terror Tuesday” is the 2005 movie House of Wax and then next week’s “Weird Wednesday” is the classic Robocop 2 (1990) plus there’ll be a screening of William Friedkin’s Sorcerer from 1977 earlier next Weds, which more than likely will also sell out.

Over on the West Coast, the Alamo Drafthouse Cinema Downtown Los Angeles (which would earn you 4,256 points in Scrabble if you could even fit it on the board) is playing Voyage of the Rock Aliens (1984) as its “Weird Wednesday” tonight (it’s sold out) and then Thursday night is the J-Horror Bloodbath double feature of Demon Within and Biotherapy that New York got earlier in the month. (Also, sold out! Sorry!) Also on Saturday, the appropriate Amy Addams comedy Leap Year will screen in the afternoon. Sunday is a double feature of Destin Daniel Cretton’s movie Short Term 12, starring Brie Larson, is paired with Brett Haley’s new film All the Bright Places with Haley and writer Liz Hannah on hand to answer questions. You can either choose between that or Pawel Pawlikowski’s 2005 film Summer of Love, starring a very young Emily Blunt. Monday’s already sold-out “Out of Tune” hosted by my buddy Jeremy Wein (who keeps forgetting to tell me about these before they sell out!) is the Electric Light Orchestra and Olivia Newton-John collaboration Xanadu from 1980. Next week’s “Terror Tuesday” is Brian Yuzna’s Society from 1989 with the director in attendance.

THE NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

Wednesday’s Afternoon Classic is Vincente Minelli’s An American in Paris (1951), starring Gene Kelly and Leslie Caron, while the Weds/Thursday double features are Freebie and the Bean and Busting, both from 1974. 1992’s Candyman will screen as this week’s “Freaky Friday” and then Friday’s midnight movie is True Romance (again) and the Saturday midnight movie is Arthur Hiller’s The Hospital  (1971) starring George C. Scott. This weekend’s Kiddee Matinee is Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix from 2004 and the Monday’s matinee is Wesley Snipes in Passenger 57 (1992).

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

Friday is the rescheduled Retroformat 2020 screening of 1913’s Traffic in Souls while Saturday begins a series of “Weinmar Variations” (free with RSVP!), German films made between 1919 and 1933 with musical accompaniment. Pandora’s Box from 1929 will screen on Saturday night and then Sunday’s “Sunday Print Edition” is Vincent Minelli’s The Clock (1945). Lav Daz will appear in person on Sundayfor a screening of a restoration of his 2001 film Batang West Side with a series on the Philipino filmmaker shared with Aero.

AERO  (LA):

Thursday’s “Antiwar Cinema” matinee is The Mouse That Roared (1959), starring Peter Sellers and then Thursday night is a double feature “Salute to Kelly Reichardt” with Old Joy and River of Grass with Reichardt in person. Saturday is a series called “The End of History: The Cinema of Lav Diaz,” screening 2013’s Norte: the End of History with Diaz in person. Sunday evening’s double feature continues the Kelly Reichardt series with two of her picks: 1953’s Ugetsuand 1970’s Little by Little.

MOMA  (NYC):

Modern Matinees: Jack Lemmonwraps up this week with 1954’s It Should Happen to You on Weds, Blake Edwards’ 1962 Days of Wine and Roses on Thursday and 1968’s The Odd Couple on Friday. (The next series will focus on the great Cicely Tyson!) The “Theater of Operations” film series also continues with Werner Herzog’s Lessons of Darkness (1992) on Sunday. The “It’s All in me: Black Heroines” series will screen David D. Williams’ 1993 film Lillian and All by Myself: The Eartha Kitt Story (1982) on Wednesday and more running through the weekend. “Television Movies: Big Pictures on the Small Screen” also continues through Friday.

NITEHAWK CINEMA  (NYC):

Out in Brooklyn the Nitehawk in Williamsburgwill show the 1998 horror sequel Bride of Chucky on Friday night at midnight and Allison Anders’ 1993 film Mi Vida Loca as part of its “California Love” series on Saturday morning. (Not rep but another option for Saturday morning is seeing Rashaad Ernesto Green’s Premature which will screen at the Nitehawk on Saturday with the amazing Zora Howard and cinematographer Laura Valladao doing a QnA. (Also on Monday, the Nitehawk will screen the incredible 2018 doc Varda by Agnès, which I highly recommend. Meanwhile, Prospect Park will screen Ang Lee’s Brokeback Mountain from 2005 on Saturday morning and then IT will screen Premature on Monday, again with Howard and Valladao doing a QnA in case you have to miss the event on Saturday.

BAM CINEMATEK (NYC):

Starting Friday, BAM is doing a special series “Kelly Reichardt Selects: First Cow in Context” which will offer screenings of movies that inspired the indie filmmaker’s upcoming film, First Cow, which opens March 6. This weekend’s offerings include Agnès Varda’s The Gleaners and I, the 1953 Japanese film Ugetsu, Satyajit Ray’s Pather Panchali (1955), the 1978 Italian film The Tree of Wooden Clogsand more, as this runs through Weds with Melville’s Le Cercle Rougefrom 1970.

MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):

This weekend’s “See It Big! Outer Space” offerings including Ridley Scott’s 1979 sci-fi classic  Alien and John Carpenter’s 1974 film Dark Star, which was said to be an inspiration for Scott’s film. As usual, Kubrick’s 2001:  A Space Odyssey will screen on Saturday afternoon as part of the exhibition.

FILM FORUM (NYC):

Elem Klimov’s Come and See will continue through the weekend, as will Visconti’s L��Innocente, while the weekend’s “Film Forum Jr.” is Barbra Streisand’s Yentl from 1983 and then keep an eye out next week a new series called “The Women Behind Hitchcock,” which should be fairly exciting.

ANTHOLOGY FILM ARCHIVES (NYC):

Dušan Makavejev’s 1971 film WR: Mysteries of the Organism screens tonight and Sunday, as part of “Dušan Makavejev, Cinema Unbound” (that should really pull people in) while “Dream Dance: The Films of Ed Emshwiller” runs through Friday. To be perfectly honest, I know nothing about either of these filmmakers and if their films interest you, you’d be better off clicking on the links and doing some reading. Sorry.

IFC CENTER (NYC)

This week’s Weekend Classics: Luis Buñuelis Diary of a Chambermaid from 1964, while the Waverly Midnights: Hindsight is 2020s is Tim Burton’s 2001 remake of Planet of the Apes, starring Mark Wahlberg, and Late Night Favorites: Winter 2020, it takes the weekend off.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

Pandora and the Flying Dutchman will run through the weekend to next week but with only one or two screenings a day, but then on Friday, the Quad will pick up the new 4k restoration of Horace B. Jenkins’ Cane River (1982) that has been playing at BAM the past couple weekends with the filmmaker’s son Sacha Friday evening and Saturday afternoon.

ROXY CINEMA (NYC)

Thursday’s Nicolas Cage movie is Werner Herzog’s Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans from 2009.

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):

Friday night’s midnight movie is WilliamFriedkin’s Cruising (1980), starring Al Pacino.

STREAMING AND CABLE

This week on Netflix, we get Brett (The Hero, Hearts Beat Loud) Haley’s romantic drama All the Bright Places, starring Elle Fanning and Justice Smith, on Friday, as well as the first season of I’m Not Okay with This, a new series from the Stranger Things team, starring Sophia Lillis from It, and the South African spy thriller series Queen Sono, as well as the second season of Altered Carbon with Anthony Mackie.

Next week, it’s March, and the latest Disney-Pixar movie Onward takes on Ben Affleck in Warner Bros’ sports drama The Way Back. I’m not sure if I’ll be given a chance to see either.

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or send me a note on Twitter. I love hearing from readers!