#to the family functions in I would be astounded.

[transhitman]

Forced to go to a relative's birthday party but at least my outfit went hard. Wtf am I saying I'm giving hypebeast someone come kill me.

[wishesofeternity]

“You toil still in service to men. Your father, your husband, your son. You desire not to be free, but to make a window in the wall of your prison. Have you never imagined yourself on the Iron Throne?”

A couple of things:

1)  Alicent is a queen consort and is a Hightower by birth, so no, she cannot imagine herself on the Iron Throne, because Targaryen succession does not work like that. This is basic knowledge that 5-year-olds would presumably be expected to know, and I am astounded and embarrassed that Rhaenys, with her age and experience, lacks this fundamental bit of common sense.

2) Alicent has been the functional regent of Westeros for the past six years. In the previous episode, we see her actively governing the realm and overseeing all royal matters (while Rhaenyra sits on her ass with her loser husband in Dragonstone). We also literally hear Vaemond tell Rhaenys “It’s not a king who sits the Iron Throne these days, good sister. It’s the queen”, so I can assure you, Rhaenys, that Alicent has physically sat on the Iron Throne just fine. She lacks authority, obviously, as she is the consort and not the king, but she certainly did not and does not lack power, to say nothing about influence. This ridiculous show, however, does not seem to be able to differentiate these terms.

3) Does this show not understand that Alicent installing her son as King is not just beneficial to him (which the show acknowledges) but also directly beneficial to her? This is a patriarchal and patrimony-inclined world; Alicent’s son being King would not only mean immense prestige for her family; it would also mean the ultimate peak of power and influence for her (which we see her unapologetically wield in the books). In Westeros, we see Visenya Targaryen supporting her brother and her son’s kingship rather than angling for the throne in her own right, and wielding absolute power and authority in their reigns. Historically, Empress Matilda (the female claimant to the throne in the Anarchy, the war this story is based off) relinquished her claim in favor of her son, Henry II, presumably because she recognized he stood a better chance at gaining the throne (which he did) and continuing her legacy. Joanna of Flanders, who commanded troops in battle, did it to support the cause of her husband in direct opposition to the claim of his niece. Yet according to this show’s logic, every single woman who has fought for their fathers and brothers and husbands and sons subscribes to internalized misogyny rather than, idk, supporting their families and gaining power, security and status in the process. Not to mention, Alicent relinquishing her children’s claim and stepping aside would not only be utterly humiliating and degrading for her from a political and personal standpoint, but also legitimately life-threatening for her children and her family. More competent writers would understand that she did not have much of a choice.

4) “You desire not to be free but make a window in the wall of your prison” is the MOST SICKENING PIECE OF VICTIM-BLAMING BULLSHIT I have ever heard in a long, long time. Alicent was a teenager when she had to marry the much-older King (her best friend’s own father) because of his desire for her. He repeatedly raped her and forced at least four pregnancies on her that she did not want. She was utterly isolated at court after her marriage, lacking comfort and friends (including Rhaenyra, who abandoned Alicent for three years after learning that she was being made to marry her father and, based on the comments she made, did not even stop to consider the awfulness of Alicent’s predicament). She had to endure the humiliation of her father being fired and made to leave court, leaving her even more alone than she previously was. She had to endure her husband constantly favoring his firstborn and his grandchildren by his firstborn rather than Alicent’s children who were a direct result of her rape by him. Her son was maimed and bleeding and her husband chose to defend his firstborn’s moronic decisions rather than bring him justice.  She is not a Targaryen, she does not and cannot ride a dragon. WHAT WAS ALICENT SUPPOSED TO EXCEPT TRY AND SURVIVE? HOW ON EARTH IS SHE BEING JUDGED FOR IT?

(And this ridiculously condescending comment is coming from Rhaenys of all people, lmao. A dragon-riding Targaryen who was an actual claimant to the Iron Throne, unlike Alicent. So, what was stopping HER from seizing power, pray tell? After all, she even has the Velaryon forces to back her claim. Instead, in her own words, she made peace with her sidelining. She constantly disagreed with her husband’s ambition regarding her claim and her family’s power. She volunteered her 12-year-old daughter as a child bride for her own aging cousin. The hypocrisy and double standards here is pathetic, and the lack of self-awareness on the part of the show is even worse)

Alicent was legitimately terrified for her children and her family’s lives, and she was entirely justified in doing so: if Rhaenyra ascended the throne, Alicent’s children would inevitably become threats to her whether or not they directly opposed her. This is unavoidable. Look up any historical usurpation, and that’s the inescapable result - and that’s not even going into the fact that Rhaenyra and Daemon are people who are reckless, cruel and indifferent to violence, and would not hesitate to kill any opposition to their reign. The show’s so-called claim that Alicent is upholding the patriarchy falls apart when you consider the fact that this is the only solution that guarantees the security of her children and herself. How is Alicent’s perfectly understandable motivation written as internalized misogyny? 

And moreover, from a writing perspective ... why give her this arc at all? Fire & Blood was badly written, but it doesn’t change the fact that they looked at an ambitious woman who wanted to enhance her power and improve her family’s standing, who directly defied her husband’s wishes in terms of succession in favor of her own, and rewrote this choice into one borne from internalized misogyny. They wrote her as a child bride, a rape victim, an abuse victim and a teen mother and then used this backstory to say that she was conditioned to become the so-called agent of patriarchy (which they do not support with believable evidence) who opposes their so-called feminist protagonist (whose primary enabler is Alicent’s rapist and abuser, btw, not that his abuse is acknowledged nearly enough by the narrative considering how heavily he was romanticized in the last few episodes) It’s a heinous, disrespectful, absolutely terrible writing choice, and I cannot emphasize this nearly enough.

(Oh, and speaking of Rhaenyra, let’s talk about how her queenship solidifies Viserys’s claim over Rhaenys’s. Let’s talk about if she truly cared about women inheriting the Iron Throne - as opposed to just herself - she would have considered this. Let’s talk about how she disregarded the claims of Baela and Rhaena in favour of her son when it came to Driftmark. Rhaenyra is not challenging the patriarchy, her ascension to the Iron Throne will not change anything for anyone except for herself, do not make me laugh by claiming otherwise)

ON TOP OF THIS, the show can’t even decide on a consistent motivation or characterization for Alicent. They repeatedly show us her visceral and justified fear for her children’s lives, which is somehow forgotten in episode eight in favor of her saying that Rhaenyra will be a good queen. Her desire to see her son crowned and thus ensure her children’s safety is disregarded in favor of her actually wanting to fulfil Viserys’s half-baked wishes on his deathbed. They have her say that everyone knows Aegon will be king, and then act surprised when the Green council plots to install him as King. They do not care about Alicent’s personhood and individual character; what they care about is her position as a foil and antagonist to Rhaenyra.

In conclusion: this show sucks. It shows absolutely no understanding regarding the politics of its own world and our medieval history and is a parody and a travesty of respectful storytelling. It has inconsistent and baffling character motivations and downright misogynistic writing, and this is not acknowledged nearly enough by the fandom.

[theboywithburninghands]

We’ve arrived. The final chapter, apart from an epilogue. I hope it was worth the wait. Some characters by @noble-crimson and @cleoarrow appear again. Also, @toonsforkicks22 and @fernstarsblog the story is complete now. Phew… I can’t believe I actually did it.

T/W: Violence, parental and emotional abuse, homophobia, drug addiction, era-appropriate sexism.

Primum Peccatum Final Chapter: Thanks for The Memories

Their reception was held within Lakepoint. The function center was decorated with white lace and the occasional splash of red or blue. The round tables, six seats at each, were dressed with white tablecloths, a glass carafe in the middle of each, filled halfway with water and a red and blue rose. Fine white ceramic plates, each with a silverware roll wrapped with a white napkin and a red or blue satin ribbon. On the long rectangular center table was a three-decker Angel food cake, frosted elegantly with white buttercream, purple and green sugar blossoms climbing up the sides. Jade green bottles of champagne, their tops wrapped in gold foil, sat beside dozens of identically arranged flute glasses. To the right of the champagne, a large silver kettle of coffee, several boats of cream and a bowl of frosty sugar cubes beside white mugs on white saucers.

Pomni walked with her husband, hand in hand, to their reserved head table. As was customary, the bride’s side of the family sat with them. Vladimir, Mirella and Zooble sat with them, along with Mr. Kinger. He was family. Pomni was the last to be seated, as she had elected to bring everyone something to drink. Normally, the bride wasn’t to raise a finger for her guests. But it was Pomni’s wedding, and she couldn’t be persuaded otherwise.

“Your vows were absolutely beautiful, piccola, they brought me to tears…” Mirella sighed, sipping from her flute of champagne.

“I am glad they moved you, mother,” Pomni Krolik said. She finished the cup of coffee she had poured for herself, wiping her chin with a napkin. “I spoke from the heart. As you have so often told me not to do.”

Mirella’s reply was cut off by Mr. Kinger.

“Mr. Krolik, what are you to do now? Now that you’re married I assume you must find a trade.” he said, sipping his black coffee.

“I would first like to fully recover from my illness, as well as enjoy some time with my wife, before I seek an occupation.” Jax replied. His tone was pleasant but somewhat uneasy. “There is also the matter of inheritances.”

“Indeed,” Vladimir said. “All of that shall be taken care of. In just a few days, your estate will be prepared. I have the paperwork for the property and for your inheritances in my desk-”

“In the first drawer on the right,” Pomni added. “All your documents to be signed are put there for safekeeping and ease of access.”

“Yes dear, your memory never fails, does it? In the first drawer on the right.” Vladimir smiled. “Goodness, I’m proud of you. You’ve adapted so well to your circumstances… And you were so obstinate before!”

“Adapting is certainly an accurate description,” Pomni said. She picked up her quarter-full flute of champagne and sipped. She was not a fan of drinking. It spoiled her focus. So she opted for a paltry amount for ceremony’s sake.

“I suppose now is as good a time to say so. Welcome to our family.”

A deep voice behind her made Pomni turn in her seat. Drexl Krolik stood, arms tucked behind his back and dwarfing just about everyone at the table. Boone stood at his side, his mouth firmly closed. He met Pomni’s eyes and glanced away.

“Mr. Krolik, I’m delighted to see you! Wasn’t the ceremony lovely?” Mirella asked.

“Quite. I was impressed by my son and my daughter-in-law’s rhetoric,” Drexl said, clapping a massive paw to Jax’s shoulder, who flinched conspicuously.

“And what a performance by your second son!” Kinger exclaimed. “That voice of his is astounding, where did you train him?”

Drexl sniffed. “He’s self taught. My involvement with such frivolities is minimal, I assure you. He is a career driven lad, much like the rest of my family. While we were on the subject, however…”

Drexl turned to look at Pomni, who had quaffed her mostly empty champagne flute.

“I was curious, Mrs. Pomni, if you had the chance to consider my offer? Krolik International would love to have you onboard as a member.”

Pomni took a deep breath and smiled, setting her empty champagne glass down on the table with a clink, a bit of leftover froth trickling down and resting at the bottom of the flute.

“Why yes I have, Mr. Krolik! I’ve pondered your offer for some time now, and after careful consideration, I’ve decided that I’d rather have a job wiping the prime minister’s arse than work for you!”

Kinger put a hand to his mouth in a soft gasp. Zooble made a sound that sounded like an abnormally loud cough. A deafening silence fell over the hall.

“Pomni-!” her father exclaimed. “M-Mr. Krolik, I’m truly sorry, she doesn’t normally drink- I’m certain that she didn’t mean a word of-”

“Father?” Pomni arose from her seat. “Firstly, I am not inebriated. Secondly, I don’t feel at all comfortable working with that man. You’ve already pawned me off once, I’d prefer if you didn’t do it again…”

Her father spun about, a vein popping on his forehead. “Pomni Shutnyk-!”

“Pomni Krolik, father. Please get it right. It was your idea. And if you please, shut up a moment. I’m explaining to you why I don’t want to work for this man. You will let me speak.”

Pomni turned from her stunned father and looked back at Drexl Krolik.

“Mr. Krolik. I can’t speak on your skills as a businessman, because from what I can tell, you are perfectly successful. However, as a father and authority figure, you disgust me on a visceral level. What do you gain from putting your hands on your own sons?”

Drexl’s eyes ballooned to double their size. “Are you accusing me of harming my own brood?” he whispered.

“Ha. Please don’t playact being offended. I know you harm your own “brood.” In fact, I saw you slap Osvaldo and Boone in the face the evening I had dinner at your manor.”

Jax winced. Other guests had turned to look in confusion. The Gentleman in Red, unnoticed, finished cutting himself a piece of cake and watched from the end of the table.

“That’s true, isn’t it Boone?” Pomni said. “Your father is rather wicked at the best of times, is he not?”

Pomni took a look at Boone, who shrank and stammered. Everyone had turned to look by now. Ragatha clutched her necklace of beads and whispered prayers to herself.

“Pomni, you’ve said quite enough-” her father began.

“Father, do you love me?” interrupted Pomni.

“Do I-?”

“If you love me, you will not give me over to Mr. Krolik. He is a fiend.” Pomni gestured to Drexl, who stood like a bull. “I will suffer under his leadership, make no mistake.”

Jax got to his feet. “I’m afraid I must agree, Mr. Shutnyk. My father would surely bring harm to your daughter should he be put in a position of authority over her. As her husband, I cannot allow this.”

“This is obscene!” Drexl barked. “I am appalled at your lack of decorum, the both of you! I magnanimously offer you, my daughter-in-law, a position at my company despite your gender and this is my thanks?!”

“Yes,” Jax replied.

“Allow me to elaborate, ladies and gentlemen!” Pomni climbed onto her chair so she could be seen and heard more clearly. Perched up there, she looked like some form of odd white Phoenix.

“Be careful, dear..!” Kinger exclaimed.

“That incredible performance that you heard this morning? Mr. Krolik found the idea of his son composing and performing a song for our wedding so abhorrent that he struck him in the face! I witnessed it, roughly around 9:30 PM on the seventh of this month. The performer, Osvaldo, my brother-in-law, could not join us for the reception, because he worried for his safety and had to flee the premises. Fearful of his own father’s wrath!”

Pomni glared at Drexl, her eyes glinting with righteous anger. “From what I’ve been told, your four sons and daughter in law live in terror of you. You’re impossible to please yet entirely too easy to displease! And when you’re displeased-”

“Pomni-” Mirella began.

“Mother, hush.” Pomni snapped. “And when you’re displeased, you hurt people. So if I were to displease you as your underling, what would you do? Hm? Hit me? You’d knock me flying. Perhaps even concuss me! But you wouldn’t be caught, no, a man like you is talented at not leaving marks, correct?”

“It’s true,” Boone said.

Drexl whipped his head around to look at his older son. Pomni and Jax looked at him as well.

“It’s true. My father is a tyrant,” Boone said, taking several steps away from Drexl and avoiding his searing gaze. “In fact, not long ago, he did this.”

Boone opened his mouth, placing a thumb and finger over one of his front teeth and neatly plucking it from the socket. The guests gasped.

Ragatha hastened her prayers. The crow-woman stood and left the reception, clutching some silverware in her wings. The Gentleman in Red had a bite of cake.

“I did no such thing!” Drexl thundered.

“But you did, father! You’re always trying not to leave marks, but this time you boxed me a might too smartly, didn’t you?” Boone shot back.

“Cease these lies at once!” Drexl roared.

“Or else you’ll do what?” Boone shouted back. “Knock a few more teeth loose? Oh, I’m so very scared!”

The patriarch of the deer family, possibly even taller than Drexl with fur so brown it was nearly black, rose to his feet. His cinnabar eyes burned with severity.

“What kind of a man puts his paws on his children, Krolik?” he demanded. His voice was a heavily accented growl.

“Lawrence, this is all nonsense!” Drexl spluttered.

“No man at all,” Kinger said, slowly shaking his head.

“I’m afraid the bridegroom speaks the truth,” Altonicus said, standing from his table. “I was often spared from my father’s wrath on account of being the oldest son, a guilt I struggle with to this day… But even I have been denied meals and been a recipient of floggings. I became a doctor because it was my passion, and it happened to be profitable, so my father allowed it. Osvaldo wishes to be a vocalist, and is undeniably skilled, as you all have seen, but father sees such a career as and “womanly.” So he refuses to allow Osvaldo the chance to pursue his dream.”

Kali got to her feet. “It isn’t limited to his offspring, either. I live in fear of Drexl as well. Alton and I have avoided bringing a child into this world because I would worry for their safety… And I…”

Kali covered her mouth and sniffled, Altonicus holding her other paw.

“Kali, may I?” Jax said.

“You’ve all said quite enough!” Drexl growled.

“Slanderous little harlot… I would never-”

“I have not had the flu.” Jax interjected.

“Pardon me?!” his father barked.

“I have not had the flu. Rather, I have been ill, but not from any rogue paramecium.” Jax turned to his sister in law and repeated himself. “Kali, may I?”

Kali wiped her eyes and nodded. “I’ve bore this anxiety long enough. Tell your story.”

Jax smiled gently and nodded.

“This is all hearsay, hearsay and lies!” Drexl thundered.

“No, Mr. Krolik. I would like to hear from my son-in-law.” Vladimir said coolly.

“Thank you, Mr. Shutnyk.” Jax said. “When I was 17, Boone and I got into an altercation. I fell from a bridge, and broke my arm and several ribs…”

Boone looked down at his shoes, still maintaining a careful distance from his father.

“Kali tried to ease my pain by giving me a bit of laudanum. She only knew that laudanum was a powerful sedative, not a narcotic, and wanted to grant me some respite from the pain, because she is a good sister…”

Kali broke into sobs, sinking into her chair. Alton wrapped an arm around her. Jax had begun pacing around the reception.

“And thus, when I began craving more laudanum and the pain returned worse than ever, Kali was forced to hide her mistake and bring me more. Now, why was this the best choice, you may ask? My brother is a doctor, surely he would have a way to remedy the situation… It was because I was still living with my father.”

Drexl simply stared, livid.

“If he discovered Kali made this mistake, no matter how well-intentioned and repairable, he would surely fly into a rage. He certainly would have attacked her, or Alton… Perhaps even me for acting an inebriate. And so she gave me more opium to ease the pain and avoid arousing his suspicions until I had healed, yet had a hopeless craving for poppy. I struggled with it for five years…

“That is why I’ve been ill. I apologize for lying to you all. My wife encouraged Kali and Alton to aid in getting me off the awful tincture now that I’ve been away from my father’s prying eyes. I have been in the midst of battling withdrawals. It is incredibly unpleasant, but I am on the mend.”

Jax, now at the other end of the hall, turned to address the guests. They were utterly transfixed.

“Now you all see the depth of the terror my father inspires. No mistakes are permitted around him, lest you face his wrath, be you offspring or in-law. Pomni and I apologize for dampening the mood of the wedding, but we wanted everyone to know my father’s true character.”

The door opened, and Osvaldo entered. He held a file under his arm, gasping and holding it to his chest upon seeing his father standing in the middle of the mostly silent room.

“Osvaldo, welcome in. Would you like to add to the litany of accusations against your father?” Pomni asked with poison politeness.

“Don’t be frightened, Aldo,” Jax said, standing at his older brother’s side and accepting the file that he girded himself with. “You can say what you like.”

The gray rabbit shook his head frantically. “I shouldn’t…” he muttered.

“Do not contribute to this slander, Osvaldo.” Drexl warned.

“Sir, we would like to hear from your son,” the son of the deer family said. He looked at the gray rabbit with an expression that might be read as protective. Osvaldo blushed and swallowed, but shook his head again.

“Osvaldo. We’ll entertain this piffle no longer. We are returning home.” Drexl said.

Sister Ragatha approached Osvaldo. Although he was an inch or so taller than she, she bent slightly at the waist to speak to him.

“Osvaldo… My child, there is nothing to fret about.” she said, using her softest and voice and wearing her warmest smile. “I think you’ve been exceptionally brave today already. However, I need to know the truth because it concerns a dear friend of mine. Would Pomni be in danger working for your father?”

Osvaldo chewed his lip, squinting his eyes shut.

“Ozzy,” Boone said. “Go ahead. It will be alright.”

After an agonizing number of seconds, he nodded.

“Mutinous little CUR!!!”

Drexl drove his fist into Pomni’s table, knocking it onto one leg and catapulting champagne flutes and coffee cups across the hall, which shattered into dust or clinked shrilly across the floor.

Mirella yowled and fell out of her chair, Vladimir diving to her aid. Zooble was struck on the armpit by the tabletop and knocked to the ground. Pomni tumbled from her chair as well, shielding her face with her arm with a loud exclamation. Kinger slid over and caught her before she hit the ground, although she took him to his knees with the impact of landing. Jax made a dash for Pomni from across the hall, losing a shoe mid-stride. The table wobbled feebly on its solitary leg before falling onto its side, the tablecloth fluttering to the ground and forks and spoons and butter knives sliding free from their undone rolls.

“Mrs. Krolik, are you quite alright?!” Kinger asked, holding the small woman tenderly as Jax skidded to his side, kneeling to assure that she was unharmed.

“I-I-I am fine, I… Osvaldo?!” Pomni sat up at attention, looking across the hall.

Drexl moved like a charging steam engine towards Osvaldo, who whimpered and crouched to his knees, covering his head with his arms. Guests all around the room gasped and got to their feet, some shouting in protest. Ragatha stood before Drexl, clutching her necklace in a fist.

“Sir, I would ad-”

A huge palm lashed across her face, the Gray Sister yelping and falling to the floor.

“DARLING!” Gangle shrieked, kneeling at her side.

Drexl seized Osvaldo by the throat and pulled him up with alarming force.

“Father, no, please!” Boone cried.

Drexl ignored this and began to squeeze. Altonicus vaulted over his table and sprinted towards his younger brother, only to skid to a halt.

There was a sharp scrape of metal across metal as Drexl felt something cold press to the back of his neck. He turned and ceased all movement.

“You-!” Pomni could be heard saying.

The Gentleman in Red had crossed the room. Nobody had seen him walk, oddly. He was by the wedding cake, and then he was not. He’d withdrawn a rapier, as thin as a fencer’s foil, hidden in his cane, and pressed it to the back of Drexl’s head, directly on his brainstem.

“Sir,” The Gentleman said, as calmly as a constable might speak to one who had just tossed their sandwich paper onto the sidewalk. “Please allow your son down.”

Drexl Krolik snarled like an enraged wolverine, but did not move.

“Sir, again,” The Gentleman said. “I must ask you, allow your son down. I need only push a centimeter or two and you will cease to be. I do not wish to do this, and I am certain you do not either. Go on.”

Drexl’s pupils dilated from the slits that they had shrunken too. The Gentleman in Red looked at him sternly. Osvaldo fell from his father’s paws and scrambled backwards on his rear end. He crouched behind a table and was just about to curl up and weep when a hoof touched him on the shoulder.

“Sir, are you quite alright?” a deep voice asked.

The son of the deer family knelt at his side, honey-brown eyes shimmering with concern. Osvaldo did not reply with words, bursting into tears and covering his face with his paws. The deer rubbed his back and spoke softly.

“My name is Dawson. I loved your performance…”

The hall was silent apart from whispers and sobs. Drexl remained where he was, the rapier pressing against the back of his head. Vladimir rose to his feet.

“Mr. Krolik. In light of this new development, I will not be signing my daughter onto your firm. I will also be reconsidering my family’s donation to yours. You are no longer welcome at this reception. Good day.”

Drexl looked at Pomni, who had gotten to her feet. The look in his eyes could have poisoned an alpine stream. Pomni felt a lurch of fear in her belly that he might cross the room, grab her head with a single paw and tear it from her shoulders. The Gentleman in Red hopefully had quick reflexes…

Drexl turned to Zuzanna, thrusting a finger to the door. “Wyjeżdżamy.”

Zuzanna remained in her seat. Her normally sweet countenance was icy.

“Zuzanna! Właśnie teraz wychodzimy!”

“Obawiam się, że to trudne,” she replied.

A few of Jax’s cousins gave nervous input in Ediacaran. Zooble got to their feet, groaning with pain. Nothing was broken, but they were going to bruise terribly.

Drexl’s mouth twitched. He looked to Boone.

“Boone. Come along,” he ordered.

Boone slid his tooth back into its socket and looked his father in the face.

“Mother would hate who you’ve become. Go fuck yourself,” he replied.

There was a scattering of gasps from the guests. One indigo rabbitwoman flipped open her fan and rapidly waved it on her neck. Ragatha made a sound of disbelief as Gangle helped her into her chair.

Drexl balled his fists. He stared a moment longer before whirling about, stomping to the exit door and throwing it open hard enough so that it slammed against the outside wall with teeth-chattering force. The Gentleman in Red sheathed his rapier and rested both hands on his cane, observing the hullabaloo. He nodded to Vladimir.

“Delicious cake, Mr. Shutnyk,” he said.

Pomni put ice from the champagne bucket in one of the napkins, a blue one, and gave it to Zooble to help with their injury, doing the same for Ragatha, this time in a red one. She then strode over to Jax, who watched Drexl Krolik retreat into the distance before he closed the door.

“Are you alright?” she asked, holding his paw.

“I am alright. Are you? I’m sorry I didn’t catch you…” he said.

“Think nothing of it. You were helping your brother. I would like to go home. May I see those documents?”

Jax handed her the folder. She brought it to her parents, who were still gathering themselves off the floor. Jax went to

“Pomni, we had no idea that-” her mother began.

“Yes, I’m sure you didn’t. Do not worry about that now. Please review these documents, if you don’t mind.”

Vladimir opened the folder. Inside were about a half dozen penned documents. The handwriting was of such a neat and blocky quality that it could only be Pomni’s.

“And these are?” Vladimir asked.

“A few bits and bobs. Notice of intent to vacate, acceptance papers from the New Hirnantian Embassy in Ediacara, transfer of ownership for a piece of property… and a few letters of intent to pursue legal action should Jax and I not be given our dowry.”

Vladimir put on his spectacles and skimmed through the papers, then looked up, perplexed.

“You’re… giving the manor we’re gifting you away?” he asked.

“We can hardly take it with us to Ediacara, can we? Besides, Osvaldo would benefit from it more. He needs a place to live, after all. So he can live there along with whoever he chooses.” Pomni said.

“You’re moving to another country? But Pomni, why? Why would you do this..?” Mirella pleaded.

“Please don’t begin the crocodile tears, mother.” Pomni sighed. “Yes, we’re moving to Ediacara. Drexl Krolik’s offer may have been laughable, but I was quite intrigued by his mention that women can work there. There are other issues, assuredly, but at least I won’t be doomed to a life of domestic servitude as I would here.”

“But… Pomni, what about-” Vladimir began.

“I’ve told you before, father. Your firm interests me no longer. Although Jax and I love each other, I have not forgotten how betrayed I felt three weeks ago, as well as both of your complete and utter indifference towards my distress. That hurt almost as much as you going behind my back. It not only broke my heart, it showed me that I exist as a commodity to you, not as your daughter. If I hadn’t learned of Drexl’s vicious personality, I would be at his mercy and it would have been entirely your doing.”

Mirella burst into tears, earning a roll of the eyes from Pomni.

“Mother, really. That is not needed. Now, if you two are truly apologetic, you will give me my dowry and let me go. Perhaps then I will let you back into my life. If you attempt to skimp on my inheritance, then you will never see me again apart from in court. That’s all. I am going home to pack. Our boat leaves in a few days. I’ll see you later.”

Pomni turned and walked away. Vladimir watched his daughter go. She found her husband, pecked him surreptitiously on the cheek with a dry smile, and spoke a bit with her oldest brother-in-law and sister-in-law. He felt like screaming at her, demanding her return. But he did not say a word, simply hugging his weeping wife.

Secretly, he was impressed.

[ofoceansandtombsanew]

My Chapter 51 Thoughts and my thoughts around ShimaMitsu in general

So @mapoeggplant​ had a really cool discussion thread on twitter and I wanted to contribute to it. But I got very longwinded and now idk if the pics in my google doc even loaded... so I decided to share my thoughts here on tumblr as well!

Be warned, this post is littered with manga spoilers so if you are an anime-only or haven’t caught up to the most recent chapters, avoid this post so you don’t have the journey spoiled for yourself ^o^

Mika realizing something is up with Mitsumiー Mika is definitely a character that surprised me in how much I ended up liking her! Everyone in S&L I think is a subversion of popular tropes in manga’s past where on the surface they look like a trope and then boom, sensei hits us with a reality check and explanation as to how they are. Mika is clearly the ‘mean girl in shoujo who hates the protagonist by virtue of crushing on the male lead’. *Worry not, I’m aware S&L is a seinen*

But her maturity and growth over the series? Astounding. From reconciling with her envy of Mitsumi, Nao helping her come to terms with the idea of Mitsumi and Sousuke dating hypothetically in the future and becoming such a good friend? Love it.

So I love how Mika is the first to really notice that something is off with Mitsumi in regards to Sousuke.

Pretty sure that back in chapter 47 it was established that all of the girls have noticed something was off with Mitsumi. But they decided to respect her privacy because if she wants to tell them what’s wrong, she’ll tell them and they want to give her the chance to come to them first. Though they did express they were worried she wasn’t truly seeming like herself.

And the reason Mika starting to connect the dots this most recent chapter is so ‘big’ for me, for lack of a better word, is because it really puts into perspective how Mitsumi has been handling the breakup.

Mitsumi breaking things off with Sousuke was definitely a mature move. I’ve even been in the same position of breaking things off with a relationship because of feeling like the way we loved each other was different and it would be best to go back to friends. Then spending 2 years chatting with my ex as if nothing happened before having an emotional breakdown about it and needing two weeks of space from her before I could function around her. And it feels like Mitsumi is doing the same thing with Sousuke. But by virtue of Mika spotting Mitsumi’s discomfort in sitting next to Sousuke and starting to question things, it really solidifies how Mitsumi is processing things.

Like, Mitsumi telling Sousuke she can work on her own and such when he proposed the idea when she mentioned wanting to work to get Maharu a new wallet. She wasn’t just brushing it off and being all chill, kumbaya. She was more than likely trying to avoid him because she isn’t really ready to just be alone with him yet.

So I’m hoping in this arc that Mika is going to bring up what she’s noticed to Mitsumi. Because since she’s already processed her feelings, if Mitsumi were to admit to her that she and Sousuke dated briefly before she ended things it wouldn’t make Mika spiteful or anything weird like that. If anything, I think it would bring them closer together because if there is anyone who would understand the Sousuke-failed-relationship/rejection love pains Mitsumi is going through, it would be Mika.

Mitsumi & Sousuke (and Yasaka)ー

As for Mitsumi specifically, I think that her relationship with Sousuke as present is a ripple effect of Yasaka’s statement back during the chapter Mitsumi rightfully called Sousuke out for not standing up for her when she would definitely do it if the roles were reversed.

Immediately after that, we see Mitsumi beginning to contemplate what she said, her perspective of Sousuke and she doesn’t really know how Sousuke was raised, his relationships with his family etc. Like, she knows there is some drama there, based on the school festival arc with the play and running into Sousuke’s childhood friends and mother but she also acknowledges she doesn’t know the full story and how Sousuke came to be how he is today.

While Yasaka’s assessment did give Mitsumi the idea that she should keep in mind how she was raised and how others were raised paints how they become in the present, she is almost like… overly internalizing that and trying to be overly conscious of Sousuke’s feelings. And even the feelings of Maharu. I’m not sure I’d go as far as saying Mitsumi is blaming herself for what they are going through since so far I haven’t really seen anything that would indicate self-blame. The closest you can get to that is her scolding herself for expecting Sousuke to come to her defense just because they’re dating.

When, in reality, while Yasaka is right Mitsumi should keep in mind that Sousuke and her have different frames of reference and she should be considerate of that… Mitsumi was well within her right to be upset that her boyfriend was letting some mean girls shit talk in her face and made no effort to defend her.

Then the next time you see them interact in chapter 45, she essentially brushes that under the rug. She apologizes to Sousuke for getting upset, he says he is going to turn down their party invite and they go their separate ways… But Sousuke never actually apologizes for not standing up for her which, at least in Mitsumi’s eyes, would solidify the idea that she was in the wrong and was expecting too much of her at-the-time boyfriend.

This overly considerate behavior Mitsumi is now displaying even went as far as not wanting to tell her friends about the breakup and everything that led up to it because she was worried about how they would perceive Sousuke and possibly give him some sort of negative treatment in response to how things went. Not to mention, she’d rather just bottle up her feelings than cause a rift in their friend group they’ve had since first year.

When she breaks up with Sousuke, she goes above and beyond in reassuring him they have and always will be friends. Which while that is cool because the hiccups aside, they have a pretty great friendship, Mitsumi isn’t really allowing herself to feel hurt by the breakup and thinks that, while even if a large portion of it is that she and Sousuke’s ‘love’ is different her actions thus far would imply she thinks it is on her for expecting so much. (So I guess there actually is a good portion of self-blame from her, even if subconsciously!) 

And with the most recent chapter, Sousuke gets to see how Mitsumi is hiding how hurt she is by Maharu’s rejection of her gift and her outburst that Mitsumi is only thinking about herself and to me his expression is almost like a parallel to his expression in chapter 46 when Mitsumi broke up with him.

In chapter 46, Sousuke needed comfort. He’s worried about being abandoned or viewed as worthless because he wasn’t able to live up to the ‘use’ or ‘idea’ Mitsumi had of him.

This time, Mitsumi needs comfort and it’s like this moment has essentially confronted Sousuke with the fact that she isn’t as cheerful, mature and invulnerable as she has presented herself to him thus far. So while yes, Yasaka was right in how Mitsumi doesn’t know as much about Sousuke as she thought she did, the reverse is also very true in that Sousuke doesn’t really know Mitsumi as much as he thought he did.

Sprinkle all this into the fact that Sousuke is going through his own whirlwind of emotions regarding Mitsumi, their breakup and how he feels about her. He’s jealous of Ujiie and how close he is with Mitsumi, he feels left out that Mitsumi hasn’t really been including him in activities outside of school and he was pouty and perplexed in chapter 47 about her perspective of the breakup going far as to pout to Chris and Ririka:

And Chris rightfully being confused because he doesn’t get Sousuke’s reaction since back in chapter 42 he didn’t even really know if Sousuke really even liked Mitsumi romantically (as proven by how, when Sousuke told him about the breakup, he automatically assumed Sousuke was dumper and not the dumpee). Now he wants to be closer to her while Mitsumi is essentially going ‘I want to keep everything chill and normal but at the same time I’m still upset and trying not to be next to him for extended periods of time just yet’.

Fast forward to chapter 51 and Sousuke’s in Mitsumi’s childhood home and feeling out of place/out of his element. So this is all the recipe for him to confront his own misconceptions of Mitsumi and, hopefully, apologize for his part in the breakup and how he should have stood up for her. Which we do see him do later in chapter 50 when she isn’t present, but Sousuke has the self-awareness to know and bitterly accept that if Mitsumi hadn’t called him out before he likely would have let them continue talking poorly about her.

Maharu & Mitsumiー Now onto Maharu~ I’m fully looking forward to her part in this arc because it is very clear that she is dealing with insecurities regarding herself and her older sister. Mitsumi has been confirmed by multiple characters that she is essentially a prodigy in her hometown and her hometown is being hit with a very real-life problem the Japanese countryside faces. Like, it is to the point where schools in the countryside are shutting down because there aren’t enough students to justify keeping them open because the young people are leaving for the city, not returning and not raising their kids there (which most people aren’t doing anyway due to the decline in birthrates in recent years for Japan).

Mitsumi even went as far as telling Sousuke her thoughts that she might likely be the only one of her siblings to even leave their prefecture.

We don’t really know how much Mitsumi is discussed back in her hometown, but it must be enough to make Maharu feel the way she does. It is just unfortunately manifesting in taking things out on her sister rather than talking to her parents about how she feels or even trying to discuss it with Mitsumi. Hell, talking to Mitsumi about it first probably won’t even help things come to a positive conclusion. As it stands now, Maharu’s perception of her sister is that Mitsumi looks down on her for getting out of the prefecture and going to the holy grail that is the capital of their country for school.

She needs an outside perspective that isn’t ‘tainted’ by Mitsumi.

Mitsumi’s friends from Tokyo are out because 1) they are Mitsumi’s friends and 2) Maharu already is feeling insecure and putting them on a pedestal because they are Tokyonites and fancy people.

Her family is out because Mitsumi is essentially their pride and joy.

And the chapter end with Maharu running into Fumi and while I wanna say ‘Fumi, get in here and rescue this sibling relationship’-

Fumi would still fall under the category of ‘tainted by Mitsumi’ by virtue of being Mitsumi’s best friend, even if Fumi has been shown to be very close to the Iwakura family. So I honestly think it could go either way with Fumi trying to talk to Maharu and help her vent how she feels, but Maharu could easily do that and when Fumi tries to be reasonable Maharu could think that Fumi is trying to take Mitsumi’s side when she is just trying to help give Maharu some outside perspective.

So that would basically summarize all of スキロー thoughts with the most recent chapter sensei has delivered us. I’m loving it all so far and looking very forward to what happens next!

[onyxheartbeat]

I saw a post on Twitter a couple days ago which had a woman writing about how lots of men who hire escorts and strippers are really just looking for someone to talk to, and how when she was working that line of work, men would just pay her to have conversations with them and comfort them while they cry.

This garnered a bunch of people in the replies having sympathy for men, claiming men can’t cry at home or get shamed for it, and their wives aren’t emotionally available or sexually available to them.

I couldn’t believe the misinformation. I have ZERO sympathy for men like that.

The amount of men that put walls up against their wives and are the cause of marriage intimacy disintegration is astounding. I know a man like this personally. His wife begged him to get help for his sexual dysfunctions, and he had disorders and depression and addiction he refuses to get help for, yet he cheats, watches porn daily, and I’m sure would hire a woman because he feels “lonely,” and as if he “can’t be vulnerable.” Which is utter bullshit. He neglected his wife emotionally and sexually for many years until she stopped talking and trying completely.

Also, men have access to help via their male friends, therapy, family, or hobbies, and many of them choose not to use any resources to help better themselves for their wives/girlfriends.

It’s so harmful to keep peddling this idea that men are these poor, lonely souls who need sex workers to function and blow off steam, when the reality is the MAJORITY of issues within sex work is violence committed by men against the workers.

[bougiebutchbitch]

happy izzy headcanons, off the cuff:

ed's adhd ass remembers the most random shit about him that he said one time, like that his favorite color is green, he doesn't like sweets, and he used to feed a stray cat when he was a kid (despite not remembering ostensibly more important things / things that were repeated or told to him directly. RIP iykyk etc)

he called the cat Miss Lady and sometimes to get out of "playing" with "fellow" "children" and other such tedium, he would claim she was his boss and he had to go to work for her in her estate (he's like ≤8yo or something when he pulls this)

still has not gotten much better at lying than that tbh

his parents loved each other and him and his big sister very much. they were as happy as they could be in their level of poverty, and iz's youngest years were filled with unconditional love

he and his sister both got their first jobs at the same little shop, but izzy was immediately and comically fired for being crass and rude to customers lmao (also for wearing pants)

he was part of the navy for an astounding one (1) year before being discharged - equally comically - for being the singular most insubordinate little shit ever seen. regular punishments had absolutely no effect on his behavior, and though they threatened to do worse by that point they could not catch him.

his criminal record is just as long as ed's, but the bulk of his charges are morality based. he fucks so severely it is a crime. (not that hard to do really, at the time, but he's proud of it lol.)

Jewish

was taught to read english and hebrew as a kid (Jewish communities at the time had higher literacy on average than other groups & taught girls as well as boys to read, iirc)

can buy and sell in many languages, but can't really converse. is in the process of learning spanish from jim and french from frenchie (with much more unsavory instruction provided by roach, for surprise use on frenchie lmao)

not necessarily about izzy i guess lmao, but i have a scene that runs in my head of izzy telling jim something private in spanish and jim interrupting (but not fast enough) to yell that oluwande is fluent, to which olu nervously says "no, i forgot. those words. don't use 'em much, so. you know. whoosh. gone. didn't understand any of it."

he and anne fake dated way back, to make ed and mary jealous

he and jack tried this also, after it worked for anne but not for izzy, but in the process they accidentally dated for real (jack... might have had ulterior motives lmao)

takes ye olde hrt, in the form of an herbal tea recipe that he got from a midwife who clocked him at 50 paces. they are still friends.

bottom sub leaning, but still a vers switch!!!

explores his gender further, with encouragement and some minor guidance from wee john. he has a little bit of a crisis at first, wondering if he only felt like a man because he didn't make a very pretty woman, but he talks it all through in fits and starts - primarily in out of context ambushes - with john and jim, learns more about drag, etc, and eventually gets comfortable with being a man who pretends to be a woman sometimes and just happens to be very good at it due to certain biological advantages lol

later functionally becomes ed's drag mom, the way john was for him - featuring many more instances of dressing him up like he did for the party in season one

realizes after being folded into the found family that he LOVES cuddling, and physical intimacy of all kinds. like basically discovers acts of service is actually not his only love language. nothing makes him feel more content than being physically in sync with someone.

at some point pete decides he wants to stop being all talk and actually live up to all the shit he's bragged about, but he doesn't want everyone else to know and/or there to be any witnesses to him being bad at stuff at first. so he solicits secret lessons from izzy, and izzy gives them and keeps the secret without condition.

he's basically the gordon ramsay of piracy. if you're learning and you're working at it, he's patient and attentive. if you act like you don't have anything to learn or make claims you can't back up, he calls you a fucking donkey.

grows his hair out. adores having it played with.

takes his job as "unicorn" very seriously. all of his duties are pretty much assigned to him via his own perception of what the fuck being the ship's unicorn even means, but if he says something is or isn't his job everyone goes with it without question. he sometimes abuses this fact, but only with ed lmao.

has each member of the crew add their own x to his tattoo and ends up with a little constellation of slightly differently shaped stars across his cheek/temple

SHRIEKS IN JOY

oh these are PERFECT. Excuse me while i squeal over each and every one.

I KNOW THAT PAIN, ED, BABYBOY, DARLING, PRINCESS WITH A DISORDER. He is theeeee most ADHD gremlin. He will randomly describe in perfect detail a day from 10 years ago that Izzy only has the vaguest recollection of, down to the precise inflection in whatever Izzy said to make that moment stick in his mind - but he still doesn't know Izzy's birthday sldkfhgklsdfhg

oh no. OH NO. Tha'ts horrifically cute. And I love that Izzy is a gritty old pirate who can kill without a moment's hesitation - but he cannot tell a good fib to save his life lmao. It's the 'tism

:cris and holds happy baby Izzy close:

I'm WHEEZING at tiny angry scowly Izzy getting fired from a shop for being a bastard refusing to wear a dress, saying fuck this, running away to join the Navy where the wearing of dresses is not requisite, and almost immediately getting fired for STILL BEING A BASTARD. :chinhands: it's so him

I am just. Imagining. Lucius getting hold of Izzy's criminal record in S1 before they really get to know each other. And just being supremely confused that Izzy has actually walked the walk lmao

JEWISH IZZY JEWISH IZZY JEWISH IZZY :clutches that headcanon very close to my chest:

ohhhhhh gosh I LOVE the crew teaching each other casual little things.... language tutors Jim and Frenchie and co., my favourite. I wonder if Izzy teaches them a tiny bit of Hebrew, too? Or if he keeps that very close to his chest. (I love the headcanon that he and Ed are both Jewish, and it's part of what drew them together~)

SCREAMS at Izzy accidentally Revealing Things to Olu because he doesn't realise he speaks that much Spanish.... And at Jim warning him! I also imagine that like, AS SOON as Jim gives that warning, they get the fuck in front of Oluwande with a knife, juuuust in case Izzy goes for him - but Izzy just glares at Oluwande, jerks a nod, and mutters 'first time I've given a man amnesia without having to hit him in the head'. Oluwande awkward-laughs and flees, but though Izzy's a tiny bit wary of him for a few weeks, he doesn't stab him?? So, y'know, success?

also, as ever, I am OBSESSED with Jim and Izzy being casual quiet trans buddies and helping each other out now and then. :gently pushes my headcanon of Izzy helping Jim acquire Ye Olde Top Surgery towards the fandom on a silver plate:

FAKE DATING FAKE DATING AHHHHHHHHHHH

CJIZZY AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh (I love Jack being like. 'Yeah I'll fake date you to make Ed jealous, Izzy :D Yeah, absolutely no strings attached. Yeah we're not gonna actually fuck or anything. Of course.' then pulling EVERY string available to get in Izzy's pants dsfklghkdsfgkdlsgf

YESSS TO BOTTOM SUB LEANING VERS SWITCH IZZYYYYYY he has the range, darling! I love the idea that he was Ed's service top for ages, and is legit good with a strap~ >:3c Almost as much as I love subby top Izzy who always comes too soon and goes jellylegged so his partner has to sigh and take over and fuck him into the mattress while telling him what a disappointment he is (which, ofc, only makes him wetter). ......Yes, I blame carryme for this one entirely.

TRANSMASC DRAG QUEEN IZZY TRANSMASC DRAG QUEEN IZZY - I vibe with this on a spiritual level. Also: I can imagine Izzy was REALLY rigidly 'I am a man so I have to be masculine' as a result of internalised transphobia/fear of discovery, so this whole process of realising he can do whatever the fuck he wants, actually, involves a lot of unworking of societal assumptions and confronting past traumas and fears, and Wee John only meant to share something transgressive and fun with Izzy but now Drag Hour is therapy hour too. And honestly, it's good for him and Izzy and Jim, and Izzy's expression goes this amazing mix of offended and delighted and terrified and excited whenever he realises that yes, he is allowed to present himself however he likes and he will 'still be a man'. Although I do think he might draw the line at dresses, and keep to more andro drag? Like, he tries on a pretty dress ONCE and it's a bit Too Much when he sees himself in the mirror - but that's completely okay too, and Wee John and Frenchie are more than happy to help with tailoring outfits that he actually likes!

i AM SCREAMING AT IZZY BEING ED'S DRAG MUM YES YES YES YES YES

ohhhhh.... Izzy being just an absolute cuddle magnet.... be still my heart. I like to imagine that he was too awkward to approach anyone at first, but was SUPREMELY touch starved, so he'd sneak into the cuddle pile on deck at night and then try to wake up in the morning before everyone else. But of COURSE, everyone realises and knows and thinks it's very cute and one day when he tries to make his usual escape (moving slow to try and draw out the warmth and the contact, as well as so as not to wake anyone up) Lucius sleepily grabs his wrist and grumbles, "Izzy, staaaaaay". And, well. How can Izzy say no to that?

PETE IZZY FRIENDSHIP AHHH???? I would read that fic in a heartbeat.

Vis-a-vis the Gordon Ramsey comparison: he has ABSOLUTELY called poor Stede an 'idiot sandwich'

LONG HAIR IZZYYYYYYYYY AHHHHHHHH

Izzy wearing each of the crew's little 'x' kissy marks besides Ed's.... oh, be still my heart. This one got to me. That cheek and his neck and chest are just a map of tiny stars and - OHHHHHHHHHHH you know they're all getting gently smooched

[puppiesandnightlock]

Omg I'm the anon who came up with the ex-delinquent Damian and yr new fic is WOW!! ^×^ I loved it sm!! loved the friendships Damian has now bc honestly he deserves it and it's canon that he has more friends than Jon 😭😭 now we gotta add Kathy for Jon/lh also the brotherisms of kon and Jon... Hes so in the principals office talking shit to Clark and Lois on the family gc(that does or doesn't include Jon,whichever is funnier)

Another fun idea but u totally don't have to include is Damian going to a rave/party with his friends,decked out in rave or punk fashion,not knowing Jon is ALSO THERE (Jon is convinced he's hallucinating until kathy or someone else throws a drink at him) - Damian and his friends are there rocking out till like 4 am,Jon for once doesn't confront Damian but takes pics/vids "for evidence" (blackmail/looking at yr crush being cool like a weirdo lol) Damian shows up to school completely functional with his partners in crime Colin and Maya who maybe threw themselves into the pit;; Jon is astounded and maybe a little infatuated.. at this point I'm gonna make a fanfic out of yr fanfic 😭😭

Again love yr fic feel free to not use any of these btw!! Can't wait to see what you do with yr fic no matter what route you go!! :po happy writing!!!

IM DEF BRINGING IN KATHY AT SOME POINTTTTTTTTT i might reuse ocs from some other fics bc jon doesn’t have a lot of people???

Dude i love that idea I would be absolute shit at writing it tho LMFAO I’ll probably give it a shot sometime regardless probably in more of like a college setting then high school BUT LIKE JONS R E A C T I O N CAN YOU IMAGINE

Damian’s absolutely pristine and energized but secretly dying inside and then Colin with horrendous bedhead and eye bags next to him bitching about a headache LMFAOOOOO let’s be real maya would just be maya she could totally handle it

Making fanfic out of fanfic and someone will make a fanfic of your fanfic and they’ll be fanfic of fanfic of fanfic

Tysm for sharing ur ideas :D

[creekfiend]

So I've been microwaving the antipsych stuff in my mind a bit and I guess ADHD got in there too because like

My family has a lot of disability and has had to deal with many doctors, and whilst no specialty is immune to the god-emperor doctor thing, why is it that psychiatrists and surgeons seem to almost universally have that trait? Like we have to draw up 'battle plans' for managing psychiatrists' egos before an appointment and we've never had to not use them. (Fortunately with surgeons we have access to very good teams that specialise in our disabilities so we let them ream out any surgeon if needed. Still astounded that someone who went through medical school had to be told that a type 1 diabetic patient is not going to have as good blood glucose control as a patient with a fully-functional pancreas though.)

agreed and I would like to add cardiologists to this list as well

I feel like the energy cardiologists and surgeons have is different than psychiatrists though bc cardiology and surgery departments are really well funded and respected and psychiatry is... not... like... go to any hospital and the cardiology dept building will be built within the last two years and have a fucking water feature and psychiatry is from 1980 and in the fucking basement lmfao

so I think psychiatrists have a chip on their shoulders about their colleagues thinking their specialization is Soft and take it out on patients whereas cardiologists and surgeons are just regular megalomaniacs. imo.

[power-chords]

Herein lies a contradiction typical of extreme mainstream culture in film, which cannot but be ambitious (the amount of money invested in it requires it) but has to contain (in both senses of “checking” and “enclosing”) the potential it is forced to make use of. In Red Dragon this happens by means of the utterly impoverishing psychological proto-narrative involving the main evil character, a boy, we are shown, who was raised by a domineering grandmother and whose memories still haunt him. But if this subtext fails to completely mediate an abused childhood with the posthuman Red Dragon, it serves the purpose of inserting the family space as both the origin of the problem and the realm of its possible solution. Reba McClane, a blind woman who works with Dolarhyde, is not shocked by his looks and eccentric behavior; she represents an equal, someone who also has a “disability” but who manages to function well in society. She is a source of hope inasmuch as with her the Red Dragon’s evil could be tamed by the formation of a nuclear family. If only Dolarhyde had not misrepresented the relationship between Reba and Ralph Mandy, another coworker, so the film makes us wonder, then there would be a way out for him, a passage from the dark and dangerous world of writing/reading to that of the lack of ambiguity in the conflict-free home.

Mediating between the hero and villain is the third pivotal element of the film: the police and the FBI. It is Crawford himself who takes Graham away from what we are led to see as paradise, and it is the FBI and the police who provide the material support needed for him to read and reconstitute what passes through Dolarhyde’s mind. What they obviously represent is a social apparatus of repression, one which, again, evinces the most astounding development from the stone-age computers in Manhunter to the up-to-date digitalized network of identification and decoding. It would be tempting to posit an en abîme structure in this case, whereby the technological development undergone by the police would be a miniature of, and would stand for, the film itself in relation to its precursor. But whether or not one relies on this clue, the parallels between the police and mainstream film are worth paying attention to, for both are socially prominent and aspire to be ubiquitous. (The camera indeed has come to perform both roles of universal instrument of surveillance and fundamental means of representation, as the verb “to shoot” and its derivatives attest.)

Furthermore, there is something revealing in the kind of opulence at stake here, not only in the habitually exorbitant Hollywood film budget (by now an important part of any mainstream film advertisement campaign) but also in the amount of resources available to repressive apparatuses. Perhaps one has to live in a Third World country, as I do, to be able to recuperate something of the amazement coming from the disproportionality between that one individual, Dolarhyde, and the State’s inextinguishable resources. From the point of view of its employees (state policemen, FBI agents, all sorts of technicians), an interesting dialectics takes place, whereby the agents of repression renounce the division between their private lives and their work in order to guarantee that this division remain absolute. As for material resources, their total deployment of means is redolent of the purest totalitarian fantasy: in a film where realism seems only to be left aside in the murderer’s pathological, delirious transgression, one might very well ask if this apparently infinite availability—of helicopters, 24-hour personnel, computers, and so forth—is not somehow fanciful, even in the case of a famous serial killer deserving abundant news coverage. The suspicion may very well arise, that is, that in this perfect working of the repressive machine (no one on vacation here, no single computer breakdown, no one using any equipment when it is not needed, no space for a lazy “let’s-do-it-tomorrow” attitude) a social truth is manifested: that writing/reading is dangerous and that to combat it there are no limits to the State apparatuses of counter-reading.

—Fabio Akcelrud Durão, "A Short Circuit of Reading: Red Dragon as Anti-Theory," 2004. Emphasis mine.

[leafletonline]

cw family abuse/neglect, ableism So my grandma has Alzheimer's and our family's known that her mental health wasn't doing fantastic for a little while but today I had a long phonecall with my mom and it really hit me how cold, cruel and devoid and empathy this family is. My grandma is 91, she's a sweet little French woman that never did any harm to anyone that I know of, or that I could witness in my own lifetime. She's not too talkative but she always had a smile and a warm hug for me when she came around. She read me stories when we came to see her - I still vividly remember the tone of her voice as she soothed me to sleep. She cooked lovely meals for us and we went for a walk together in the afternoons. The fact that she has Alzheimer's is not a happy notion, but it's something that I'm somewhat at peace with - it's the unfortunate, sad reality of being 91 years old. When you have a relative *this* old, you're grateful they're still around one more day, one more week to answer the phone - you know their health is only going to decline from that point onward. When I was younger, I thought that mental illness was one of the worse things that could happen to you, which is certainly a very stock-standard brand of ableism. I thought that getting Alzheimer's or Parkinson's, or being schizophrenic, were horrible fates, arguably worse than death. (If I had known that I was *just* a pinch of neurodivergence away from being put in the same basket as these people I considered with such contempt...)

But now, I find myself terribly upset, not at the fact that my grandma has Alzheimer's, but at how terribly alone she's being made, not by her disability or advanced age, but by the people around her (or lack thereof). For years, her condition has been getting worse - it's become harder to communicate with her, to exchange and interact with her. She walled herself slowly, but steadily in silence and soliloquy, and for many years my family (my parents, my grandpa, and my various aunts and uncles) chalked it up to her being hard of hearing and "just getting old". She spent the better part of the last 20 years living on her own with my grandpa, occasionally receiving a visit from family, but not being particularly active physically or intellectually aside from that. And now that her disability has progressed to the point where she can't function anymore, now that she's lost in a permanent out-of-context monologue and she's confusing the Scrabble board for a crossword grid and trying to melt whole sticks of butter in the microwave (both of these things actually happened and I don't think there's anything funny about either), the only response that seems to exist for my family is to institutionalize her. For the last 2 decades, the Responsible Adults in this family made little to no effort to actually make sure that her mental health was good, that she was cognitively engaged and kept active (things that are terribly important to maintain as people grow older, especially when they're at risk of Alzheimer's and similar disabilities) - but after leaving her to her own devices for so long with so little help and support, and so little efforts being made, suddenly, she's a burden that Just Can't Be Handled anymore and she needs to be sent to rot away. Every single component of this family leaves relatively far away from one another - we're spread across like, 4 or 5 different regions of France. In hindsight, I find it astounding that, even though there was no Bad Blood in our family between my grandparents and their children (they all get along and love each other! You'd think it'd be something rare enough to cherish!!), no efforts were made by my parents, aunts & uncles to make sure *someone* would be around my grandparents as they settle into old age, making sure to check on them a couple times or at least once a week, especially considering that some of my aunts & uncles bought some random property in the middle of nowhere when they retired. My family had every opportunity to get closer and extend solidarity, and create an environment where things like getting Alzheimer's or just experiencing the melancholy of feeling old and lonely and isolated (which is something my grandpa told me about many times during phonecalls) could be helped with by being surrounded with at least one or two attentionate family members.

Now that grandma is very, very visibly disabled, the prospect of welcoming her into my parents' or my aunts' homes seems like it'll never seriously be put on the table. My grandma's getting easily confused and startled and she seems to often think that other people are plotting against her, which my mom chalks up to mental illness, and which I'd personally be prone to at least partially blame on how conflictual everyone around here is being constantly. My mom told me that grandma threw stuff at her when they played Scrabble. I asked her why, and she told me that it was because Grandma kept "playing the game wrong" and she, mom, kept trying to correct her and eventually took her pen away from her. Can you imagine how humiliating and mortifying it must feel to have your things snatched away from you by your own daughter as she's scolding you on how to "do things correctly" but in your mind, you were playing a completely different game and you just have no idea what she's talking about? There doesn't seem to be any kindness, any patience around her. Grandpa constanlty bickers and argues with her and it seems like she's constantly corrected and snapped at like a disobedient, turbulent child. She doesn't want to go to medical appointments or to leave her home, so the solution for my family is just to institutionalize her. They fail to see how, in achieving the exact two things she *doesn't* want done to her and that she has vocally and explicitly demanded not to be done to her, they might just condemn her to a miserable, terrifying and infinitely lonely end. She said that she didn't want to leave, so they're not going to welcome her into their own homes, because "that's not what she wants" - but they think it's perfectly fine to institutionalize her by force. If you're going to pluck her away from her own home without her consent (which, in all fairness, *might* be necessary because Grandpa is 100% unfit to help if she accidentally harms herself or gets herself into danger, which is unfortunately possible, and my family doesn't seem to realize or want to consider that there are at-home helping medical assistance support systems that exist in France for these specific situations), wouldn't it be infinitely better if she was surrounded in familiar faces, instead of total strangers and medical personnel that'll rule her daily activities and decide what she gets to do for her? "But she might hurt herself, she could set fire to the house". She's a small, elderly woman. Put the cutlery and potentially dangerous stuff on the top shelves and lock them with a key. I could do that easily and your house is literally 7x the size of my apartment. "She could get herself lost." Just lock the door and go out with her when she wants to go for a walk. You're retired and you literally spend your entire day at home playing with your grandson. You have nothing else to do with your time. She's 91. For you, it's only a few weeks or months of inconvenience. For her, it's all she has left. All she has left in the confused, foggy, crumbling tower of her mind is the difference between being surrounded in loved ones, hearing voices, seeing faces that she knows to be warm and kind to her heart, or being locked in a shithole with complete strangers where she'll get Covid and probably die in a matter of months, stranded on a cold, dark rain-battered island. How little fucking room do you have to have in your heart to even consider the second option when you have all the commodities around you for the first one to be, *at worse*, at temporary annoyance - if really you can't stand having a confused old woman around and stopped harboring any love in your heart for her once she became classified as a Crazy Woman?

I'm just so upset. It's unfair. She hasn't done anything to deserve this. She doesn't have the black plague, she's not going to bite your ear off. You couldn't be bothered to check on her more than a couple times per year and now that she can't keep care of herself anymore, you won't even afford her the decency of a peaceful end. I feel extremely powerless - I've been calling them very regularly, but I don't have the money to change anything to this situation, and we physically can't welcome her in our cramped 3rd-floor apartment. Besides calling her every single fucking day so she at least has someone to talk to that won't yell at her the second she goes off-script, someone that addresses her with kindness. If you have relatives in your life that you love and that were good to you, make sure you're around for them as they get older if you can. Don't leave them alone to dry.

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

my really dumb succession 4.03 thoughts, please do not look to this post for quality--

this was such an extremely realistic portrayal of what it’s like to find out a loved one has died. this show is good and the actors are good on it!!!! i don’t know if you’d heard that before. i love that they did this at this point in the season so the rest of the series can be about the aftermath!!!!! an extremely exciting writing move. i really look forward to reading all the thoughts on this ep.

logan was like “i’m going to make roman tell gerri she’s fired” and then logan died immediately. coincidence, or god being a romangerri / gerri stan?

roman: i’m sad my dad just died please show me some love. gerri: no.

(also for some reason i’m obsessed with the fact that her shoes were off. if it were any other day that would have ruined roman’s life forever, in a good way.)

i was so constantly torn between feeling awful for connor for being so left out and feeling pretty great for him, because at least he’s (more) FREE (than the others). willa hugging him so hard at the altar really got me. there’s something about how connor was sitting away from the others in comfort with his love while roman+shiv+kendall were so deep in the family business shiz immediately that makes me feel like connor was the luckiest all along! but the loony cake thing was pretty bad.

also, now his wedding anniversary is always also going to be his dad’s death anniversary. interesting move there! (”always” might be optimistic but i’m a conwilla believer ever since she got really defensive of him wanting his coat that one time.)

i need to watch that roman/gerri scene from the beginning a zillion more times once my brain is working again. ASTOUNDING! this kills the man. (meaning roman, metaphorically. but also possibly logan literally.)

the galaxy brained cruelty of titling this episode “connor’s wedding” and making us all think it was gonna be about connor’s wedding. (well, hey! it kinda was!)

roman being the only one to actually go see logan’s body is so moving and fascinating to me. god.

that tom/shiv hug????????? :’(

tom and greg are the stupidest boys in school. every time they interact, an angel dies.

also, willa’s mom being like “you’re like a PRINCESS!” about the tacky boat wedding was a detail that gave us so much information about willa and her pre-connor life in so little time. fascinating!

p.s. gerri really upgraded in the “bring an old man date to social functions to bug roman” department.

[calicohyde]

@original-character-championship Eddie propaganda!

Fun Facts

[image description: a stats/trivia page drawn with markers in a bullet journal. along the left are d20s, in the middle is a list of proficiencies, and on the right is a character trope, a tarot card, and a three track playlist. /end ID]

I designed classes for witch types in the style of a D&D homebrew! Eddie's class is Clairvoyant and her sub-class (like Artificer for a Wizard) is Seer.

Clairvoyance is the ability to perceive things that are beyond the five senses. These abilities are almost always involuntary! Eddie has very little control over when she does or doesn't have a premonition or who it's about. Clairvoyants are the physically weakest witch type in the 'verse, with no attack type moves and low HP, but they have high intelligence, wisdom, insight, and perception.

Clairvoyants include Seers, Scryers, Mediums, and Oracles. Seers like Eddie have premonitions in their dreams. They dream an event as if it were happening to them. This event can be from the past, present, or future. Seers develop a "specialty" to their visions, influenced by a combination of nature and nurture. Eddie's specialty - like her tarot card - is Death.

Historically in-universe, Clairvoyants are unfairly maligned by both seculars (non-witches) and other classes of witch. They are believed to be functionally powerless, to taint or poison magic, and to attract malicious spirits. They are thought to be weak and inherently unstable. The word "sixer," as in a user of the sixth sense, is used as a slur against them.

Eddie's alignment is Neutral Good. She has 9 strength, 15 intelligence, 15 wisdom, 10 dexterity, 14 constitution, and 11 charisma. I got her stats from this personality quiz!

Her list of proficiencies on this page is out of date because I wrote this before I decided on the time period Curse The Messenger would take place in - which ended up being pre-world wide web. The updated Eddie is still fluent in English and a beginner at Spanish, and is an expert at trailing and amateur forensics. She also does the accounting for her and her sibling's private detective agency, Watchtower Investigations! Here's a snippet about that:

[image description in alt text]

Eddie fits the Hardboiled Detective trope, which TVTropes.com defines as "a tough [cynic] with a gun and a lot of street smarts, who solves mysteries with dogged persistence rather than astounding insight." Eddie doesn't have a gun, but she does have the taste for scotch and leggy women that Hardboiled Detectives also come equipped with. Here's a line particularly evocative of this trope and the genre it comes from:

[image description in alt text]

Three songs that give Eddie are:

Sincerity Is Scary by The 1975

Daredevil by Fiona Apple

S.O.B. by Nathaniel Rateliff and The Nightsweats

Eddie's favorite color is red. She's a Scorpio with a Halloween birthday. She's a butch-ish lesbian, but sometimes she "cross" dresses in her femme girlfriend's clothes (as a sex thing). She likes bodice ripper romance novels, but she's embarrassed about it. She's a little sister and she can't cook. She's also autistic, if you couldn't tell from that accounting quote, and she has chronic migraines!

She struggles with pretty severe alcohol addiction. During the first book, she hits her rock bottom. Then she decides to start getting sober and going to support meetings, where she meets her sponsor and her first friend outside of her family. It's difficult and she has relapses, but unlike a lot of other alcoholic characters she's allowed to stay in recovery! Her sponsor and friend also maintains sobriety and makes amends with his estranged family, helping Eddie to see the bright side of her Death specialty when she has a vision of his happy last moments far in the future.

VOTE FOR EDDIE HERE!

@girlfriendsofthegalaxy @haectemporasunt @jezifster @blackhannetandco @fearofahumanplanet @godsleftarmpit @littlehastyhoneydew @rainbowabomination @antihell @isherwoodj @marrowwife @ashen-crest @wildswrites @ceph-the-ghost-writer @garthcelyn @muddshadow @cohldhands @unrealistic-android @glam-pir @outpost51

[that-was-a-bit-stupid-of-you]

warning: a silly little rant by ava about how miserable she is and rory gilmore isn't

rory is so lucky when it comes to guys man

like sm guys tell her she's beautiful and intelligent, when on the other hand I get mansplained to a bunch of times in convos where I clearly know more than them like????

also she gets every guy she likes to like her back- woman tell me your secret (don't let it be blue eyes god)

and her grades???? Top tier. How does she do that?? Ik she studies 24x7 but that amount if attention span is astounding, my adhd could never

and her family is so rich omfg (not her mom but the rest of her fam)

like girl I literally have to give up on my dreams of going to my dream college I wish I had rich grandparents to pay for mit and princeton

and she's so pretty- like honestly everytime the camera focuses on her its like 💖🌟✨✨ 👁 👁 ✨✨🌟💖

alexis bledel makes me gay okay-

homegirl has everything- smarts, looks, confidence, attention from everyone she wants attention from, an awesome mother- the only thing she doesn't have is a good dad or a functional family tbh, but hey neither do i

people are just drawn to her man, she is genuinely the least relatable character (don't get me wrong I love her she's my child) also she gets sm support from EVERYONE around her. An entire town is devoted to The Rory Gilmore and her Intelligence and Kindness and Absolutely Perfectly Wonderful Existence and she has friends who would kill for her (paris) and die for her (lane) and every guy she likes is in love with her- literally head over heels okay

The farthest I've gone is being friends with the guys I like that's it

and did I mention her grades? God I just- the attention span. Come on. There is no way that is possible. Like, she can control when and what to give attention to??? She can control her brain?? Is this a neurotypical thing or am I just stupid?

And she's rich. She doesn't have to give up on her dreams. She doesn't have to forget about ever receiving an email or letter from an ivy league saying she's accepted cuz that's reality for her cuz she's rich asf

Im so jealous omfg, I love rory but she literally has the perfect life wtf

yea that's it

[routeunlocked]

Taisho x Alice Heads & Tails Review

Time Played: 20.5 hours

Taisho x Alice is one of my favorite otome games, so the fan disc getting localized made me extremely happy. It didn't disappoint either. I thoroughly enjoyed getting after stories with these lovely characters, spending more time with Woolfe and Ryoushi in their stories, and laughing over the Arisu Academy AU.

(This review is spoiler free, but some cgs will be included.)

RYOUSHI ROUTE VA: Tomohisa Hashizume

I've always loved Ryoushi since his first introduction. I'm glad we got a platonic route to spend more time with him. His relationship with Yurika is funny as they bicker like most siblings, but they still obviously care about each other.

I wouldn't mind a spin-off with a different protagonist to romance Ryoushi. Who doesn't love a sassy doctor?

WOOLFE ROUTE VA: Natsuki Hanae

Forever crying over the fact Woolfe never really gets his romance arc. He is charming in an honest, persistent kind of way. Can't deny he's loyal.

I thought it was nice to see the story through his POV. He's more of an outsider to the situation we've seen go down, giving it a unique twist. Plus his developing friendship with Alistair was so wholesome. I was happy to see more of Alistair and their interactions.

I was pleasantly surprised it was a lot longer than I expected too.

CINDERELLA AFTER STORY & AU VA: Daisuke Hirakawa

There's something so endearing about Cinderella to me. He's such a mess, but he manages to be surprisingly respectful where it matters. And the way he values marriage and family makes my heart melt.

Please stop him and his leg fetish though. (Not really. I find it funny how open he is about it.) Stop his spending habits too. The amount he spends on simple things like shampoo is astounding.

RED AFTER STORY & AU VA: Tomoaki Maeno

Look at him showing off his ears now! Proud of him for the confidence he's building up. On the other hand, Yurika yelling at him for being a perv was so deserved. How does he manage to function with all of these nosebleeds?

He feels like a real superhero with his determination to uphold justice and protect others. And what superhero doesn't love flowers? They deserve to be protected too

KAGUYA AFTER STORY & AU VA: Toshiki Masuda

Are we avoiding the moon talk this time? I prefer Kaguya staying right here. It's great to see these two develop their relationship without any extremes. I eat up the drama, but a period of peace after the drama is so satisfying.

His love of rabbits is precious. And I like seeing he and Yurika still exchange letters! There's something about Kaguya that pulls at my heartstrings.

GRETEL AFTER STORY & AU VA: Takuya Eguchi

Gretel, you really need a balanced diet. All that sugar cannot be healthy. Although, I certainly want to try some of those desserts. I guess Yurika feels the same since she has a tendency to spoil him.

I somehow got stuck in a loop of constantly getting on Gretel's route in the Arisu Academy AU. Can't escape Gretel, can you? But his deadpan humor and dedication to Yurika still earn him extra points in my book. Please keep calling her "Yurika" instead of "Sister" though, thanks.

SNOW WHITE AFTER STORY & AU VA: Shouta Aoi

There's something about the way these two kind of have their own little world that feels wholesome. I like that they share their interests with each other. I also like how Ryoushi constantly shows up since he's a big part of both their lives. Snow's easily integrating into this family, huh?

His sarcastic and violent tendencies get me every time. Warning: Don't call him cute or books will be thrown.

I'm a sucker for bookworms since I relate.

WIZARD AFTER STORY & AU VA: Wataru Hatano

I never feel like Wizard is getting his happy ending. Sure, it's an improvement from before, but it still feels like something is missing to me. He deserves to be loved as strongly as everyone else.

Seeing him walk around with Kuro is adorable. What would a wizard be without a loyal companion?

Now if only he'd stop putting everyone else's happiness above his own...

ALICE AFTER STORY & AU 💙 VA: Yoshitsugu Matsuoka

Alice really makes this whole story. He can't ever be honest, can he? Everyone sees through him anyway. I felt the after story was a little strange in some aspects, but it did resolve some problems between the two.

Arisu Academy was a little more fulfilling for me. I felt their antics and confessions hit just right.

I'm guilty of being a tsundere fan, so Alice ultimately gets my stamp of favoritism. He lives up to the classic tsundere trope so well.

PROTAGONIST PRAISE

I am a strong defender of otome protagonists. Yurika is one of my absolute favorites for her outspoken nature. I adore that she acknowledges she's selfish and she'd do anything for the person she loves. She deserves happy endings with every LI.

She plays off their personalities perfectly. And the way she's bold enough to tease them? I'd like to see that more often from protagonists.

I do appreciate she's not always bold either though. She has her moments where she gets flustered or backs down. She voices her concerns too. There's a healthy balance between her teasing and care.

OVERALL THOUGHTS

I thoroughly enjoyed this fan disc. It's exactly what I wanted- more time with the characters, cute scenarios, and a decent amount of playtime. The situations and dialogue had me laughing so often throughout the game. The voice acting was phenomenal as always; I'm so pleased with the cast they have and the effort they put into their roles.

I do wish we had seen more of Alistair outside of Woolfe's route, but I still liked the content we got with him.

If you were a fan of the Taisho x Alice games, I would highly recommend picking the fan disc up. If you wish Ryoushi and Woolfe had more of a spotlight, you won't be disappointed.

RATING: 9/10 RECOMMENDED: Yes!

[hypochlorism]

HEAD LIKE A HOLE / I'D RATHER DIE THAN GIVE YOU CONTROL

#HYPOCHLORISM : chain-smoker with empty ashtrays , issues with eye contact , an obnoxious amount of cassette tapes , functioning insomniac , burner phones , ripped clothes but pristine fingernails , conspiracy theory aficionado , barker not a biter , "no future" stickers , pessimistic monologues , never ending knowledge on cleaning product brands , hidden softness , family disappointment , "can i pet your cat" , snarkiness as a defense mechanism , meaningless tattoos , volume maxed out , headphones on , wiping everything after touching , [...]

TW : suggested substance abuse , suggested violence + gore , emotional & psychological fatigue [...]

--- ABOUT

NAME: Aza Bilal Ashbridge ALIAS: Az , Mr. Clean , Blockhead , Dick-face , [...] AGE: Forty GENDER: Cis Male SEXUALITY: Bisexual MARITAL STATUS: Single

DOB: November 9th BIRTHPLACE: Brighton , England CURRENT RESIDENCE: London , England , a small two-bedroom apartment in Peckham which he shares with his cat Albini and hundreds of cassette tape filled boxes OCCUPATION: Cleaner @ The Bastion Hotel

Efficient and trustworthy service for the mere price of one gold coin per body! Aza Ashbridge for all of your evidence erasing needs. If you would like, Aza will also do a thorough clean-up of the crime scene though that may cost extra.

--- APPEARANCE

FACE: Riz Ahmed HEIGHT: 5'8" / 1.72 m ETHNICITY: British-Pakistani HAIR: Black and thick, usually kept short or shaved, Aza has begun to bleach it at home. This colour change began shortly after a nasty breakup and is likely to be just a phase EYES: Large and brown, though Aza tends to avoid making eye contact with people he does not wish to get attached to, he is often described as having kind eyes --- this compliment may be redacted as soon as Aza opens his mouth PHYSIQUE: Lean, not particularly muscled but not scrawny either, Aza has the body of someone who might have had a rigorous daily workout routine once upon a time but that has ceased to do so in recent years

DISTINCTIVE MARKS: His body is covered with dozens of small tattoos. Most of them have an ironic streak to them, others are absolutely nonsensical, some are downright ugly, there's no meaning or reason to the sentences and doodles on his skin . The most visible and intriguing tattoo is the one sitting between his neck and chest which reads "hypochlororous acid". His clothing style is also unmistakably ... unique . Most of them are worn-out , ripped or have holes in them . Everything is bought second-hand , some shirts seem either too big or too small for him , colour coordination is unimportant , if there is a method to his wardrobe , it remains a complete mystery to those who interact with him .

--- PERSONALITY

ALIGNMENT: Neutral Good STRENGTHS: Dedicated , focused , observant , intelligent , efficient , confident , independent , creative , resourceful , patient , hard-working [...] WEAKNESSES: Snarky , lonely , inconvenient , blunt , pessimistic , paranoid , stubborn , avoidant , harsh , demanding , obsessive , [...]

SKILLS: Cleaning after others' messes with astounding precision , some knowledge in chemistry and anatomy , understands Urdu but unfortunately cannot speak it fluently , can play the guitar and the piano , drives a motorcycle , makes a mean cup of tea

HABITS: Regularly takes sleeping pills to combat insomnia , smokes weed on a semi-regular basis though it has become more regular in the past year and a half , a smoker of tobacco as well , a social drinker which doesn't venture beyond the realm of beer , cannot fall asleep in complete silence must pop in the one cassette tape he has with the sounds of Aza scrubbing someone's brains off the floor on a loop , avid petter of all cats

--- HISTORY

Born in Brighton, Aza's parents always expected great things from their only child. The pressure of him having to get the best grades in class and the best performance in the school play and the best scores in P.E. wasn't lost on young Aza. And while his mother and father dreamed up the magnificent future their son would have as he applied for college, Aza became increasingly enamoured with the art scene in Brighton; a vibrant world of experimental theatre and noise bands slowly pulled him in. It was when his mother caught of whiff of weed coming from his son's clothes that Aza got shipped up to the capital to live and work for his uncle.

A promising young man was suddenly stuck doing janitorial work at a car rental place. Mopping floors, dusting, fixing the angle of the clock on the wall, you know the deal. Needless to say Aza wasn't happy about it. He was even more unhappy whenever his parents would call to check with his uncle if whatever story Aza had told them earlier was true or a web of insidious lies --- But Aza had never been a bad kid. Heck, he had never even been a rebellious kid. It was when his uncle smacked him across the face for talking back to a costumer that Aza decided he had had it. He pissed in his uncle's gas tank and disappeared into the night.

Aza was nineteen when he cut ties with his family. He never stopped working since then; he's been a janitor, a cashier, a bartender, a dog-walker, a gas station clerk, a grave digger, a dish washer, a fucking mall santa , you name it.

It's when he gets this contract with a cleaning agency which specialises in crime scenes that things really start to get weird.

They offered a pay check better than any other job Aza had ever had, but the things he saw ... He doesn't like to talk about it. Thinks it's rude for people to even ask. Aza wasn't ready for the casualness of vacuuming cranium shards trapped behind the sofa or having to wear extra-thick gloves to pick up someone's flesh off the mini-bar. The violence of it all shook Aza to his core but, surprise surprise, he was great at cleaning that shit up.

The faster he could get everything back to the way it was, the faster he could go back to pretending that this stuff didn't happen. Aza had an eye for detail and, soon, he became the cleaning company's golden boy. It was also around that time that the insomnias started.

Seeing good regular people diced into pieces didn't do Aza any good. Despite the money he was making, it was not enough to make-up for the emotional toll such imagery brought. He was ready to quit. But he was trapped with the sleepless nights, an inability to be left alone with his thoughts and a growing sense of paranoia that he too could suffer a fate as violent as all those people he had mopped up.

Still, he needed the cash and his relationship was jeopardised by the psychological and economical turmoil Aza had fallen into. He was a wreck. One faithful night, while crying over drinks with a colleague, he was given a name; The Bastion Hotel.

Not a bad place to make a big buck and certainly not the kind of work in which you have to worry about running into good people.

Aza didn't know what that meant. He still cringes when he thinks about how he must have looked; red-eyed and hunching, practically begging for a job interview.

He still can't sleep. He is still faced with plenty of dead bodies. But, at the very least, Aza has come to terms with the fact that nothing really matters. All of the efforts his parents put into his education? Meaningless. His girlfriend of five years who bounced as soon as things got rough? Meaningless. His collection of cassette tapes being a clear attempt of Aza trying to hold on to a time in which life was simpler? Meaningless.

Freedom? Ethics? Faith? Big fucking deal.

--- EXTRAS

INSPIRED BY: Lisbeth Salander (TGWTDT), Rustin Cohle (True Detective), The Narrator (Fight Club), Elliot Alderson (Mr. Robot), [...] WANTED DYNAMICS: Under construction / currently everything and anything!

[eccentric-nucleus]

Not sure if there's a good way to phrase this since I get annoyed at a lot of these kinds of question, but

Is there a particular reason that you go for OpenGL + Haskell? My heart tells me that those are the worst possible fit (procedural API over the top of a big hidden state machine w/ soft real-time requirements vs a runtime that wants to do pure functions and lazy evaluation). That said, you seem to get to interesting places with some regularity whereas my projects (C/C++ and vulkan usually) tend to die before I get to the cool part, so I'm wondering if there's something to it

i just got frustrated with c-alikes and i really enjoyed aspects of haskell coding. it is objectively a very silly combination, although not as silly as it has been historically given the various improvements in haskell gc over the years.

historically i've used gpipe for haskell rendering, which does some astounding type family wizardry to basically fully-hide the opengl state machine and also let you write shaders in actual haskell (values in the shader monad are actually part of a compositional scripting type that evaluates to glsl code. it's wild.) so it's about as close as you can get to totally ignoring all the opengl-ness of opengl. that being said, uh, that has some problems (zero memoization in generated scripts; very unclear surfacing of real opengl constraints)

also to be fair my projects also tend to die before i get to the cool part, it's just sometimes i manage to get some neat renders out there before.

(right now i've been wanting to jettison the gpipe library in favor of just doing raw opengl right in IO, mostly so i can actually use opengl 4 features that aren't surfaced either in gpipe nor in the OpenGL package, but ofc the first step there would be a whole bunch of low-level data fiddling. but since i've been doing webgl2 + javascript also, uh, the opengl part would mostly end up being exactly the same, so it feels a little less intimidating now. i just really wanna write some wild shader code and to write really wild shader code you do kind of have to directly interface with raw opengl.)