#to remember things about people
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brother, why is it i wake up at 8 and within 20 minutes my mind slips into the "you know what? you never belonged anywhere and you never will :)" hellhole like.. pls
#life#idk man it's just#i try so hard to be present to check up on people and stuff#to remember things about people#but i just keep falling behind#i can't keep up with discord servers#and i do feel like an outsider anytime i do show my face#try to say something#like.. i ain't dumb i see the way people interact with each other and the way they interact with me#and i can't really blame them because i understand#i just miss the mel that had the patience the one who would listen to her friends talk for hours#i miss that mel that was present#like sure that would not fix me being a fucking weirdo#but it sure as shit would help me being a distant weirdo#my therapist said it's ok to tell people that you're tired and they'd understand#but like.. what if that's all there is to me#chronically tired thus lazy thus inconsiderate
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There's no such thing as overpreparing for love.
Happy (late) Rarijack Valentine's.
#mlp#rarity#applejack#rarijack#my art#fanart#comic#the grand galloping 20s#bonbon#rose#my little pony#aj is 100% the type to overthink/overdo things especially for people she cares about#panics because she starts second guessing her valentines plans for rarity so she buys out the entire flower boutique cuz she can't remember#her favorite flower. āten boxes of chocolates is better than one right???ā meanwhile rarity gives extremely thoughtful handmade gifts
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Holiday Classics
Been thinking about Ford watching the 70s Animated Lord of the Rings Movies... (companion comic to this post!)
#the other two VHS tapes Fidd's is holding are Rankin-Bass' The Hobbit (1977) and Return of the King (1980)! The 70s animated pseudo-trilogy!#A lot of people pointed out on my other lotr 'crossover' post that Ford would have seen the 70s movies!#And i wont lie i entirely forgot they existed. But now i remember i have so many feelings on it okay. Ford my silly LOTR nerd#I dont think he would have seen Bashkis in theaters. far as I can tell it was a VERY limited (likely mostly CA) run in the middle of winter#but Rankin-Bass'? Aired on NBC & ABC. He absolutely woulda watched them or rented a VHS later. Which is why he's most excited by Bashki's#He's just such a nerd. I need him to nerd out. But also lowkey angst on how his single focus on bill/the portal lead#him to neglecting even the small things in life. Like knowing a VHS release of an adaptation of his favourite book series had come out#GF fanart#Gravity Falls#gravity falls comic#Fan art#fanart#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#young fiddleford mcgucket#*holds two random VHS tapes in one hand to check Fidd's pose in the 2nd panel makes sense* Well thats mathamatically feasible!#young stanford pines#stanford pines#ford pines#Book of Bill#comic#artists on tumblr#my art#Grunkle ford#fiddauthor#cause Fidds is not talking about the movie there. Well okay he's talking about the portal but He COULD BE TALKING ABOUT- *I am dragged off*
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drawings from paleo expedition to dagestan, done right on the trip. sometimes messy when it was cold and rainy, but i won't correct it. i think it's cool to leave it just the way it was done, and not retouch it after. there will be more drawings later, but those will be done from home
#i need to draw for 2 museums at least to then send it to them as a gift cuz people there were so nice???? AAAA#and yeah im definitely doing back#maybe in autumn... who knows#barghestland#art#artists on tumblr#and#paleoart#???#in a way it is i guess#also i usually don't share things from my sketchbook. but these drawings hold so many nice memories#of clouds that hide top of the mountains#of sitting on a rock#drawing and seeing a scorpion vibing next to u (tiny friend!)#of leaning on a big cow and almost falling asleep on a field with her after the rain#of... forgetting the pain too#of not wanting to even talk about the wonderful time i've had. because it was only for me to remember#so much happened up in the mountains that i'll never forget#thank u big rocks and soil and grass and apricot trees i love you#...#paleoland#fieldbook_barghest_land
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legitimate question ....... why do people like to tell me all the reasons they don't like miraculous ladybug? i know i complain about the fact a lot, and i find myself on the defensive a lot, and i keep telling myself i'll stop and let it go, but it really is hard when people are always coming onto my posts, in my replies, in my comments, on my art and my fics and my text posts and anything i make, and telling me blatantly all the ways that they don't like the thing that i so blatantly find enjoyment in. "the show is bad". okay? good for you? why are you on my post about it? why don't you make your own? why are you telling me, specifically, this, on the art/fic/analysis i made that i assume you found by searching through the tag?
it's kind of a behavior that i legitimately don't understand. I'm a human being and I hate a lot of things, too. there are things i've loved at first and been disappointed by and have strong opinions about. there are things i like to complain about. so i'll complain about them to my friends or my family or my cat. but i have never, once, not even for a single moment, thought, "oh let me go into the tags of this media, find a positive post about it written by someone who's having fun with it, and make it that random stranger's problem". never once.
i just don't get it. i really don't get it. i sometimes worry that i come across like i'm heavily critical of people who just personally don't like the show, when really i'm just trying to defend my interests to the droves of strangers who are always coming specifically to me to tell me all the ways they hate the thing that makes me happy.
just.......... why? where does the urge come from? what do you get out of this?
#i remember there was a poll a while back asking people if they thought it was ok to tell ml fan creators that you hate the show unprompted#and 'yes' won#and i am still baffled by that#why is this normal?#why would you even want to?#why is it impossible to be an artist/creator on the internet without having to deal with people bitching and moaning in your ear about the#things that you are dedicating your time and energy into for fun?#why is this the acceptable online culture?#you don't have to like the show. im not saying that. im not saying you cant complain or vent#im just saying. why TO ME?#buggachatter
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the restrained sniffer
#a doodley#anthro#furry#this 100% works more with their human forms but i am not immune to funny kitty#though i guess ''to wear'' doubles as like wearing.... it as a blanket...#sorry its so awkwardly broken up...tumblr allows so many pics so i get to make sure all the nice details are front and center#anyway im an overexplainer and in the past ive gotten so nervous about Action in my little comics#like. how will people know a character did [thing] if i dont show them doing it!!!!!#so this was also a mini exercise in omitting action...like i didnt waste panels drawing talon pulling the shirt on#or al putting on his horn toppers#finally; i had another related doodle idea i never drew out but might now if i remember to....#but wrt smunker's pillowcase and a resulting incident#point being Talon is a smell enjoyer...
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pick your battles
#my art#my stuff#art#comic#original art#pride 2024#pride month#trans allegory..... or not even allegory. just trans .... ^_^#i technically cannot come out yet but i don't think the people who i need to not see this stalk my tumblr#i know they stalk everything else like my twitter and my instagram but this might be safe#so fuck it we yap. this is a comic about picking your battles#this is a comic about how for almost a year now everyone at home in singapore has been crying about my sore throat#my terrible fucked up voice. my you know. etc#i came out as not cis and using they/them pronouns in 2015 when i was 14#but no one ever used my pronouns. none of my classmates or friends even up until i left for college in 2020#from 2020 onwards every year i wrote an angry vulnreable essay about how much it hurts that they dont remember#and people would dm me apologizing on their hands and knees and commending my bravery#and then forget about it all over again. id ont mean 'they misgender me and then catch it and apologize and correct themselves'#i mean they dont even get that far#and so you might ask yourself: why have you kept them around all this time?#and i would have to explain that by pure bad luck i grew up in the most conservative close minded community#that all of my ex classmates that stayed in singapore are cishet and upper middle class and chinese singaporean#that i Am the trans person. that they were able to ignore me for a decade partially because there was no one else#so this is a comic about how there is dignity and grace in staying in the closet sometimes#about how not everyone deserves to see you at your happiest. about how some people can go fuck themselves#you know your truth and THATS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS!!! YEAH!!! i love you
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Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.
NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.
I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.
The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.
Because it's so hard to exist in this world.
My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:
Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)
Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.
Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.
Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.
Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.
Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s
I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.
So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".
Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)
Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.
If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.
NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD
Stigma in the DSM
Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)
"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."
(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)
#actuallynpd#signal boost#actuallyautistic#mental health awareness#narcissistic personality disorder#people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias#(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar#mentally ill or otherwise ND)#the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there'#no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo#anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that#he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful#misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included#several personality disorders. one of which was NPD.#and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and#he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he#was glad he did#fun times#or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to#support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma#bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me#trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them.#again..... fun times
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just thinking about hair and faces
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#i don't THINK this counts as face horror but just in case#face horror#for your daily dose of me losing my mind over anime characters#i don't know why the hair thing surprised me so much. i think because i thought it was funny that lilia named silver after his hair color.#like ha ha lilia is hilariously bad at names how cute and silly!#oh. oh it's kind of a Thing.#anyway i am excited to see where the heck all of this stuff with silver's various dads ends up!#we still don't actually know who killed meleanor!#we still don't know literally anything about dad draconia! (dadconia? dradconia?)#we don't know what happened to the macguffin gem with its magical dad-saving powers!#(surely this will not come back to save a certain dad at a later point. of course not.)#man i was not expecting episode 7 to be all dads all the time#i mean i'm here for it but#hey remember when the highest stakes were who was gonna win the big talent show#then robots started kidnapping people and now we've just escalated from there#episode 8 our cat is going to turn into a drippy ink kaiju and we're going to have to mecha battle him to save the world or something#each member of diasomnia pilots a limb and we gattai into a giant robot dragon and hold on i gotta submit this spec script to aniplex brb
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Holy crap this is like world record breaking pace guys
Speedrun/Time Travel AU masterlist
#speedrun au#one piece#time travel au#op fanart#sabo#monkey d. luffy#portgas d. ace#asl brothers#time travel aus are my favourite trope for any fandom's fanfic#but this especially is why i want it for one piece#because I needed ace to die in canon. luffy NEEDED to get that wake up call and his whole crew NEEDED badly to get stronger#but ace is so much more than just a plot device for luffy... he was a person who was loved by so many people because#he made so many people happy#if luffy and his crew travelled back in time... they wouldn't need to worry anymore about their strength#Ace could live you know....#He could meet sabo while he was an adult#sabo could meet ACE while he was an adult#ALSO SIDE NOTE BUT SABO ALSO REMEMBERS THE TIME TRAVEL SHENANIGANS!!! but def not as well as any of the strawhats#i think the thing he remembers most is what he felt when he regained his memories in the first timeline#u guys... this comic was so vivid in my mind i HAD to draw it out... like i was planning on doin other time travel au comics before#but like I HAD to draw this because i had such intense ASL feelings#I tried to think if Ace would just start cussing sabo out cause like WHY DID YOU LET US THING U WERE DEAD ; - ;??? WHY DIDNT U CONTACT US??#but i think ace is really tired... like he's been worrying about luffy... and suddenly his brother starts uncharacteristically start#full out bawling in his arms... and he's really confused right now but both of his brothers are here and they're both crying#so there's really only one thing he can do#anyways i hope u enjoyed the comic#op spoilers#<- oops forgot to add that my b
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i bring you another figure drawing project because my classes are obliterating me but at least I get to draw jrwi fanart for school. i tried to make him look closer to canon but sorta gave up on that towards the end.
#jrwi riptide#jrwi fanart#jrwi gillion#gillion tidestrider#iām such a sucker for when people make gillion absolutely terrifying so I had to try my hand at it#like the dude has chilled out a lot over the series bc of chip and jay but then sometimes he says some terrifying thing out of nowhere#and it makes you remember that he was raised to be a weapon#i have a lot of thoughts about him as a character#my art
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I recently had to do a project in one of my psych classes, and man, I knew that CBT was used for every little thing, but seeing over and over, "do CBT! CBT is the best for every mental illness!" was so jarring. I'm absolutely biased because of my own experiences, but I just don't think it's as universal a treatment model as it's touted.
If you didn't benefit from CBT, it's not because you're lazy or didn't try hard enough or lacked intelligence or foresight into your own needs. Frankly, it's a therapy model that (I think) shouldn't be the only readily-accessible model and among the only therapy models covered by insurance. Some of us should not be treated in a CBT model and that's okay. It's not a sign of poor character or unreasonable demands, and if you don't think it's a model that works for you, then it's your right to express that!
#mental health#mental health advocacy#it was just so annoying because every resource i could access for this project often ONLY recommended cbt and#that just doesn't seem helpful for a good chunk of people#because i know i never benefitted from that model of therapy#obligatory: i am not against this therapy. me having a negative experience with it is not indicative that i believe it should be abolished'#if it works for you: KEEP DOING IT. cbt is not inherently harmful for MANY people and it's a good and valuable tool for many#but the overemphasis of cbt as the Only Therapy Model You Need sends this message that YOU failed...#...if you don't miraculously recover with that therapy model. it often feels like you'll Fail Recovery/Therapy and you're now a Bad Person#i've tried for over a decade to stick out cbt with a dozen therapists to boot. so i think i know a thing or two about my experiences with it#and overall its an unimpressive model (for me) as someone whos had a history with abuse and miscellaneous mental knickknacks rattling around#it's also frustrating because i genuinely like psych and i love learning about people#it's just. i'm tired of only being exposed to cbt (because i hate it honestly)#i feel similarly about cbt as i do with sigmund fucking frued#anyway i just want other insane people (affectionate) to remember that they deserve to not beat themselves up over this#if you're an insane person reading this: i love you i love you i love you i love you#i will share a slice of cake and homemade bread with you <3
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My less popular opinion (and what I believe to be implied by the art in Lost Days) is that rather than waking up in a fully grown body Jason didnāt actually complete his puberty until after his Lazarus pit dip while he was on his murder tour. Imagine youāre tied up in a basement in Berlin getting interrogated by a teenager and his voice is cracking the entire time and if you laugh heās going to shoot you
#Late puberty Jason truthers rise#Egon calling up Talia like ādid you send me a middle schooler what is thisā. āHeās technically high school aged actuallyā#he wouldāve been like 18 when he finally regained consciousness but the way heās drawn could easily be mistaken for 15#I know people love the body dysmorphia angst of Jason waking up big but I offer you this: Jason wakes up looking basically the same to a#world that has moved on without him and is unrecognizable. His death/injuries stunted him he existed for years in a state of suspension#while the world passed him by. He was on pause while everyone kept moving on and he didnāt get unpaused until the Lazarus pit and he has#to scramble to catch up. Heās actually 18 but the last thing he remembers is being 15 and his body reflects this state#and then once his mind is finally back online puberty hits him like a truck. Just look at the difference between how Jason is drawn#immediately after his dip in the Lazarus pit vs the end of lost days when his training arc is over#It implies it couldāve been multiple years but in order to fit with the timeline of other comics I personally donāt think it#wouldāve been that long. I think he just sprouted up like a weed#Jason Todd#dc#I think Jason is technically still growing by the time heās red hood. In my personal mindscape he doesnāt reach his peak buffness/height#heās like 21 and heās 19 in utrh#Sorry for my 1538283th post about red hood lost days Iām obsessed with his little fucked up coming of age story#Red hood lost days
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scribbling ultrakill at da fucking Air Port ā
#ultrakill#ultrakill fanart#doodles#art#v1#v2#gabv1el#gabriel#microwave#i was going to draw. something with minos i dont even remember but i ran out of time#do you have any idea how hard it is to Draw a Font. freehanded. i think the fact it looks like Shit adds to it#love that i changed gabriels little. horn laurel things or whatever halfway through#there was one more gabriel on this page but i was freehanding everything and his arms. came out really short. comically short#which is why i drew frew up. making fun of myself#only people who use the gabriels microwave background for cybergrind are valid. the rest of you are Not Valid#anyway i love seattle i love mountain i will think about last weekend forever until i die
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as āso bland he's tempted to throw salt on himselfā and āall he could do is lay around and wait for deathā (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on āShen Yuan isnāt lazyā is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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āBut I am very poorly today & very stupid & hate everyone & everythingā
- Charles Darwin. Letter to Charles Lyell, 1 October 1861
#Darwin#quotes#famous quotes#Charles Darwin#always remember that everyone has bad days sometimes#even the people who look like they are productive beyond human capacity#sometimes itās important to just acknowledge it and see that there are good things to come#but right now is just shit#anyway I have a flu or something#and right now I hate everyone and everything#and my immune system most of all#and the parents who send their sick and contagious kids to daycare#and the evolution of viruses#who tbh have absolutely no business to be wreaking such havoc on the more organised domains of life#about me#sorry to be a downer#your usual frog-related content will resume after a brief intermission#I realise that posting quotes is super cringe#sorry about that#at least some of you probably havenāt seen this quote before#so youāve learned something today#and Iāve gotten to vent#win-win?
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