#to justify him driving a really shitty car

[haetrack]

your fate, my karma

jung jaehyun x fem!reader

wc: 11.7k

synopsis: jaehyun realizes he’s in love with you. it’s fucked, especially because he rejected you once before. he doesn’t want to ruin what he has with you. but he can’t help it, it’s like he was made to see and touch you. he doesn’t know how much longer he can hold in his secret.

warnings: angst, little fluff, friends with benefits, pining, one sided love, confession, argument, smut (MDNI), desperate jaehyun, unprotected sex (pulling out), possessiveness and jealousy, dialogue heavy at some parts

heavily inspired by somethin’ stupid - frank sinatra

part three to the how it all goes series!

you're laid back onto his bed, heavy breaths fanned across your face. on top of you is jaehyun, cheeks dusted with pink as his fingers are still move inside of you. “stop already,” you huff out a laugh, “i might die if you make me cum one more time.”

he chuckles at your words and slowly pulls his fingers out of you, sucking obscenely on them just to annoy you. it works, and you cover your eyes to get the image out of your head. you don’t offer to help him out, and he doesn’t ask for any favors.

he’s not really sure how his friendship with you got to this point. if he could put it simply, you told him that you had feelings for him, asking if he felt the same way. he said that he wasn’t ready for a relationship, that he wasn’t ready to be so vulnerable in front of another person. he still wanted to be friends with you. 

he remembers seeing sadness flash through your eyes, but you just smiled at him and accepted the answer that you got. in a way, jaehyun wished he could like you back, he hated the way he hurt you, but he just wasn’t ready. you were wary around him, trying to hide the hurt that he caused you. he couldn’t bear to see it, and hated how much you were hiding from him.

which is how he finds you next to him, curled up in his bed after he’s made you cum. he knows it probably wasn’t the best idea to propose, but he didn’t know how else he could keep you close. when he explains it to himself in his head, it sounds shitty, makes him feel a little fucked up. he tries to justify it, but really, all of this is a temporary fix to keep you close to him.

despite all the grey areas in his friendship with you, he’s certain about one thing: he really does like having you around. he’s chalked it up to his feelings just being from how long he’s known you, but he knows that there’s something else he doesn’t want to admit. because one, it’s fucked. two, he’s rejected you. three, he can’t like you.

he can’t like like you. he doesn’t even want to imagine thinking about the other word, but it plays at the back of his head sometimes. he hears it when you’re both out at a bar together, watching you drunkenly cling to his side. he hears it when you’re at his apartment after work. he hears it when your eyes look up at his when you drop to your knees.

he can hear it even now as you lay next to him, curled up into his side as your breaths even out. it doesn’t feel weird that he can feel your naked body against his, his best friend comfortably laid up next to him. is it so wrong of him to want this? you became more comfortable around him again after he had sex with you. he knows it’s just a temporary solution.

he can feel your breaths across his chest, your face nuzzling closer to him. he could move you away, could create a clearer boundary between the two of you. he feels a little selfish when he lets you stay there, deciding to wrap an arm around your shoulders as he pushes you closer. it’s not fair to either of you, he’s not your boyfriend, he shouldn’t be this close to you. 

it’s quiet in his room, save for the sound of cars driving down the road and the occasional huff you let out in your sleep. he isn’t tired at all, too lost in his thoughts as he stares up at the ceiling, the warmth of your body taking up all his thoughts. if he could, he would go back in time and stop you from confessing. he would’ve done it himself in the future, he just needed a little more time.

he can’t blame you though. it’s his fault for rejecting you, it’s his fault for thinking that he could make something happen out of this. there’s a small part of his heart that believes that you could like him again. you wouldn’t come back to him for sex every night, right? but the more realistic part of him knows that it could mean anything.

which is why he can’t stop you coming to him when you’re needy. it’s not even just those times, but he doesn’t think he could ever willingly cut you off. he likes spending time with you, and above everything else, you’re his friend.

he just can’t help but wish it could be a little more than that.

you always ask jaehyun to come over if he has the time.

as you both have grown older, it feels like you both have lost more and more time. when you were both college students, it was easy to skip a few classes and go to parties each night. but now as adults, it’s hard to find time for each other. which is why you ask him to go do mundane tasks with you, like buying groceries or trying on clothes.

today it’s going over to eat with him.

before he rejected you, it felt special to be invited to do these kinds of things with him. out of all the people he could’ve asked, he chose you. it didn’t take long for you to realize that, no, jaehyun asking you to spend time with him meant nothing but him being friendly. it’s weird looking back at how much you wanted jaehyun to like you more than a friend. 

as you make your way to his apartment, you realize how much time you spent just wishing for something to happen between you two. you wonder if it was something that was ever supposed to happen between you, or maybe if the timing just wasn’t right. you used to find yourself thinking about the what ifs after he had freshly rejected you. but now, you try to focus on what you have.

he’s just your friend, and you’re close to accepting that it’ll probably never be more than that. 

when you make it to his apartment, you don’t see him right away. you call out his name, hearing his voice from his kitchen. when you head over, you’re expecting a nice meal laid out for the two of you to eat. instead, you’re greeted by jaehyun standing by the stove, a stupid smile on his face as he greets you.

“so, you invite me over to come and eat.”

he nods, smile growing wider, “yes.”

“but i’m not seeing any food.”

“that’s because you’re gonna help me.”

you stare at him. he starts moving towards you, one of his arms wrapping around your shoulder, pulling you into his side. he starts dragging you towards where he was standing. you start whining, “you don’t need my help. you’re a whole grown man who can cook whatever he wants.”

he laughs, “but i need you to be my other chef… what are they called?”

you roll your eyes, “a sous chef?”

“exactly,” he points at you, as if you just solidified his argument, “what if i forget something and i need your help?”

you pat his shoulder, “then you call me while i sit over on the couch.”

he’s about to give up, but he swears there’s a certain look in your eyes that ask him to keep going. that’s how it always feels with you, a certain push-and-pull that you both can’t let go of. your fingers twitch against his shoulder, almost giving you away. he moves to hold your hand, “how about you at least watch me on the side. i just wanna talk to you.”

you almost want to point out his pouty tone, want to laugh at how there’s a frown on his face. but you can’t. he looks a little too sincere, and you don’t want to think too hard about the feelings he doesn’t have for you. you sigh, eventually giving into his words. it’s always like this, jaehyun acting like he can’t go on without you. that’s what got you here in the first place.

he smiles when you approach him, so close that his arm is touching yours. it doesn’t matter how long or how many times he’s had sex with you, to have you close to him like this makes his heart soar. 

it’s like this for the whole time you both cook. your hands lightly grazing his, the sweet smile you show him when he does good, the laugh you let out when he messes up. you take over some parts for him without him asking you to. he can’t help let his mind wander, thinking this is how it would be all the time if you two were dating.

he wouldn’t have to beg you to do something with him, you would do it on your own accord. he wouldn’t have to hold back how much he wants to kiss you, he could press as many kisses on your cheeks or lips. he could stand behind you, wrapping his arms around you as you forcibly kick him off of cooking duty.

instead, he’s standing in front of the food he’s making, probably overcooking it as you point and laugh at him. you even take out your phone to take a picture of him, laughing as you fiddle with your phone. he swats at you, grumbling, “if you posted that on instagram, i am definitely blocking you.”

“you know me so well. i tagged you and everything.”

he chooses not to respond, taking out plates from his cabinet for the both of you. he can see you standing next to him, waiting to plate your food. he quickly decides to plate it for you, trying to hide his pink cheeks as he pushes the plate towards you. when he’s plating his own, you speak up, “wow, what a gentleman!” he can hear the teasing tone you use, “you’re really setting the bar for all men, aren’t you, jaehyun?”

he decides to tease you back, “just trying to show you how much nicer i am than you are. you should post this on instagram, too.”

“nope, letting all my followers know how mean and horrible of a cook you are. i’m ruining your chances of getting with someone.”

he shakes his head in amusement, moving to one of the seats on his small dining table. you follow, sitting right across from him. he messes with his phone a bit before you can hear that it’s connected to his speakers. an unfamiliar tune starts playing as you watch jaehyun’s head bob along to the song. 

this is how it always is, eating together, listening to his annoyingly good music taste, and enjoying each other’s presence. the food he cooked is surprisingly good, but you try to denounce it because you did help him along the way. it’s quiet between the two of you, nothing really too important to talk about.

jaehyun notices your fingers tapping along the table to the beat of the song. he smiles, “do you like it? the song?”

you pretend to think about it, “hm... well, it’s good.”

“you’re not gonna secretly shazam it under the table like last time?”

“that was literally a one time thing,” you huff, “i’ll just go and find someone with the exact same music taste as you.”

he smiles to himself, “you know there’s no one else like me.”

you think about his words for a bit. he probably didn’t mean for them to have a double meaning, but you can’t help but find one. you wonder if you’ll ever be able to find someone who could’ve made you as happy as jaehyun does. you wonder if you do ever find someone, if you’d be able to forget jaehyun.

you feel like you’ve become so intertwined in his life that everything might lead back to him.

you eventually nod along to his words, “yeah, there’s no one else like you.”

“you’re kinda an ass for not picking her up yourself.”

jaehyun huffs at johnny’s words. it’s not that he didn’t want to, but you had assured him that you would make it on time. when he brought up your safety, you said that it was taken care of already. jaehyun couldn’t help but wonder who or what could possibly be more safe than him, but he didn’t want to argue. 

but now that you’re a little late, he can’t stop himself from worrying. johnny makes it worse, tearing into him, teasing him with every word. jaehyun hasn’t told him about his surfacing feelings for you, but johnny is notoriously nosy, probably knowing the exact day jaehyun thought that he started liking you. 

johnny takes one more jab at him, “she would’ve liked you more if you’d been the one who brought her.”

jaehyun’s shoulder bumps into johnny’s, “she already does like me a lot, so there’s no need for all of that.”

johnny shrugs, letting out an if you say so as he sips on his drink. as much as jaehyun wants to deny it, he really wishes he could’ve at least given you a ride. he would’ve immediately ditched johnny if you asked, would’ve been right outside your doorstep as soon as you said you were ready. he wants to tell himself that that’s just what friends do, but there’s something he doesn’t want to admit.

his hands move to pull out his phone, scrolling through your messages from the past hours. he knows he’s made a mistake as soon as he feels johnny’s eyes looking at his screen from over his shoulder. jaehyun makes a jokingly shocked face at johnny to try to distract him, but johnny’s face mirrors his own. 

johnny’s about to say something with a teasing smile on his face and jaehyun’s ready to stop him. instead, a ding comes from his phone, calling their attention. it’s a text from you, letting jaehyun know that you’re outside. he sends a text to you, his eyes moving to the entrance as he waits for you to walk in.

and there you are.

your eyes scan the room, looking for both him and johnny. jaehyun can feel his cheeks heat up at the sight of you, your face illuminated by the warm lights of the bar. he thinks you look pretty all the time, but now that he’s seeing you like this, he wants to keep it in his memory forever.

you quickly spot them, your face brightening up with a smile as you make your way towards them. you greet the two of them, johnny easily bringing you into a hug. when you turn to jaehyun, you expect the same, but his eyes stay on you for a moment too long. he notices your teasing smile, quickly clearing his throat before wrapping his arms around you.

johnny starts, “always so fashionably late.”

you laugh, “if i don’t come, who else is gonna be the funniest and sexiest person in our friend group?”

johnny moves to tuck an invisible strand of hair behind his ear, “i was holding that position just fine before you came.”

you slap his shoulder, a fit of laughter taking over you. jaehyun watches the two of you, quietly laughing at the side. he likes the dynamic the three of you have, always mentally thanking johnny for introducing you to him. he’d endure all of johnny’s teasing for years if it meant to have you laughing at his side.

it stays like this for a while. the three of you drinking together, laughing when johnny tries dragging you closer to the middle of the room to dance. jaehyun can feel his cheeks get hotter, pink from the alcohol and the not-so-visible adoration he holds for you. he tries to quiet his feelings, but when you lean into his side, your warm body pressing against his, he figures he can give up the act a little.

it’s at times like these where jaehyun realizes that he can see the you from before the rejection. it’s a bit selfish for him crave this side of you, the one where you don’t care how much you touch him or how you continue talking into his ear all night. he thinks that if you were both dating, he could lean over and press a kiss to your cheek, watching as you nuzzle into his side.

for now, all he can do is wrap his arm around yours as you both sway side to side. johnny went off to get another drink, promising to be back quickly. jaehyun has this little time to have you all to himself, listening to the loud chattering around him and the bass of the music loud in his ears. your eyes are closed, humming along to the song.

jaehyun could easily whisper into your ear about his feelings. you probably wouldn’t remember either way, but he knows it’s not right. it’s not like he’d want to do it this way, wanting to tell you honestly. but there’s a growing part inside his brain that’s begging him to do something about it. he has you so close now, so why can’t just say that he likes you?

the thoughts dissipate when johnny comes back, smile on his face with three more drinks in hand. johnny quickly notices how your arm is intertwined with jaehyun’s, and jaehyun can physically see the moment johnny comes up with a plan. jaehyun doesn’t bother moving from his spot, though, willing to sacrifice his humility just to have you by his side.

as if jaehyun wasn’t having thoughts of kissing or dating you, the conversation turns back to normal. the three of you chatting, exchanging work gossip and taking drinks from your cups. it’s like every night this happens, it’s a regular routine of talking and him having to fight back his more than friendly thoughts of his friend. 

except this time, while johnny’s explaining how he thinks his boss might be having an affair, you cut him off. johnny jokingly scoffs, turning to where you’re looking at. you both squeal, johnny’s hands finding your shoulders, shaking them back and forth. you gasp, “that’s him, right?”

johnny matches your tone, “totally him! i could recognize him from anywhere!”

raising an eyebrow in your direction, jaehyun asks, “and who exactly are we talking about?”

you turn back at him, “that’s jungwoo, someone we knew from college!”

the name sounds familiar to jaehyun. there’s probably been a few times you talked about him during one semester. he’s not sure which one it could be, but there’s a memory of a faint smile on your face while talking about him. it sets a weird feeling in jaehyun’s stomach, and he realizes you look a little too excited at the sight of jungwoo.

jaehyun’s arm is still looped around yours, a small frown on his face, “does everyone and their moms know jungwoo now?”

“he was funny in class and he bought me coffee once,” johnny hums.

you join in, “he is definitely funny and he did good when we worked on a project together.”

jaehyun pointedly glares at johnny when he speaks, but when you speak, he just holds you closer to him. he can see how johnny watches him, being reminded of how he looked like he was planning something earlier. jaehyun sees it now, johnny’s face darkening before he speaks, turning to speak to you, “i think you should go talk to him.”

jaehyun sends a pointed glare at him before looking at you, his eyes widening when he sees the shy smile on your face. you ask, “what if he doesn’t even recognize me?”

“why wouldn’t he? he always looked at you a certain way when you guys talked, he definitely remembers you.”

jaehyun wonders why no one told him more about this “jungwoo” and his apparent more-than-friendly feelings for you? if johnny knows, then does that mean the three of you hung out before without him? how much has jaehyun missed between you and jungwoo? jaehyun silently takes another sip of his drink, his eyes peering over his cup as he watches you get lost in your thoughts.

he thinks you might drop the conversation, but you breath out, “i’ll do it. i’ll go talk to him.”

jaehyun tries his best not to acknowledge the growing jealousy he can feel bubbling up in his throat. he has to bite back a remark that would probably make things worse for himself. he decides to let go of your arm, watching as you easily separate from him. johnny starts hyping you up, giving you encouraging words as jaehyun massages your shoulders.

although jaehyun wishes he could say don’t go over there or i’ll die, he decides to send you a thumbs up before you walk away. his throat burns, and as much as he wants to think it’s from the alcohol, it’s from seeing you walk away from him. you’re walking to someone that isn’t him, sharing your warmth that’s supposed to be jaehyun’s.

he realizes then and there that he shouldn’t be thinking that.

you’re pressed against jaehyun’s bed, his face burying into your neck as he leaves kisses across your skin. you had to tell him to not leave any marks when you feel his teeth nip at your skin, and you could’ve sworn you heard a huff come out of him when you did. he’s practically pinning you down, body barely hovering over yours.

there are days where he gets like this, too desperate to where he doesn’t realize he grips you a little tighter, his voice growing deeper, relieving all of his stress by making you both feel good. you can tell when he gets like this, a quick text of an you up? letting you know what he wants. you’ve grown to learn all his habits.

it does feel a little different today, though. he was quick to greet you, quick to bring you to bed to kiss you. there were no words of how work was hard for him or if he was stressed about something that happened. not that there’s anything wrong with him not saying, but there’s a certain desperation in his movements as his lips trail down your body.

you decide not to ask about it, not wanting to pressure him into talking about something he doesn’t want to talk about. you’re quick to forget about it when he presses a kiss onto your clothed clit. he calls your name, bringing your attention to the heavy gaze he gives you. he murmurs out, “gonna let me see this pretty pussy?”

you nod quickly, lifting your hips up so he can take off your panties. he moves to lay between your thighs, humming when he sees how you’re dripping for him. it’s embarrassing, trying to close your legs. you’re met with his hands keeping them apart, chuckling at the whine you let out.

“didn’t know you could be this wet for me. if i didn’t know any better, i’d think that you need me.”

you let out a small whimper when he traces a finger down your slit, “jaehyun, please, need you to- need you to do something!”

“tell me what you need, pretty. if you don’t tell me, how am i supposed to help?”

“need you, jaehyun! want your fingers, want you to touch me!”

“of course, that’s all i needed to hear.”

you can feel one of his fingers slide into you, your head falling back onto his pillow at the feeling. you clench around his digit, already begging for more, needing him to fill you up. he doesn’t tease you for being so desperate, quickly giving into your pleas as another finger slips inside you. you let out a cry when you feel his thumb circle around your clit.

“such a messy baby, dripping all over my fingers. needed me so bad, right?”

moans of his name tumble out of your lips when he curls his fingers inside you, hitting that spot that sends shocks down your spine. your hands are gripping onto the sheets, realizing just how fast you're about to cum. you’re sure he can feel you clench around his digits, especially when you manage to open your eyes and see him looking straight at you.

“gonna cum all over my fingers?”

“fuck, yes! please, wanna cum, need you to let me cum!”

his movements speed up at your words, “go ahead and show me how much you need it.”

you’re quick to fall apart, your orgasm crashing into you. your thighs shut around his hand that’s helping you ride out your orgasm. all you can hear are the sounds you make and the encouragement that jaehyun mumbles out to you. you’re too fucked out to realize that his clean hand intertwines with yours, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand.

before you can comment on it, he’s quick to pull away from you, hands moving to undo his pants. you move to try to do it for him, but he swats your hands away with a laugh. after letting you gawk at him for a bit, he takes his boxers off, a whine leaving you at the sight of his leaking cock. he tilts his head at you, “are you gonna let me fill your pretty pussy up?”

“please,” you moan. your legs move to wrap around his waist, bringing his hips flush to yours. his cock ruts against your cunt, still sensitive from your last orgasm. he shushes you when you let out a small gasp, one of his hands soothing the skin of your thigh. you let out a small cry when his tips rubs against your clit, the last of your patience running out.

you can tell it’s getting to him, too. his cheeks and ears are flushed, his eyebrows furrowed as he switches between watching your face and where he’s pressed against you. he bites back a groan when his tip catches at your entrance, trying hard not to push into you right then and there. he puts all his focus on you, “tell me that you want me to fill you up. tell me that you need me to fuck you.”

you whine, your head digging into the pillow. despite his flushed face, there’s a cocky look on his face as he stares down at you. you’re too desperate to try to fight back, losing the battle as you let out a whimper of his name. there’s almost a surprised look in his eyes as he sees you give up this easily, leaning down to give you a quick kiss to your collarbone.

“i know, baby, need you just as bad. gonna fuck you like you need it, okay?”

you whisper out a thank you as he moves to line himself up at your entrance. he slowly slides in, letting out a deep groan as he watches himself sink into you. he fights off his eyes from closing at the feeling of your tight cunt clenching around his length. you’re no better, writhing around in the sheets, whimpers of his name escaping you.

once he bottoms out, he lets out a grunt, “missed this pussy so much. so fucking warm, so tight, all for me.” you’re quick to agree, hands trying to reach at his shoulders to bring him closer to you. he gives in easily, huffing at how he can feel himself deeper inside you at the new position. he kisses the valley of your breasts, sucking lightly.

he starts off slow, teasing you as he thrusts into you, slow and deep. if you can listen past your own moans and whimpers, you can hear the quiet curses and sounds he lets out, trying to hide how much you’re affecting him. when your nails claw at his back, he breaks, “didn’t even mean to call you this late, i just needed you so bad.”

his words get to you, the fact that he wanted to call you because he was needy makes you clench around him. he can’t help but pick up the pace of his thrusts at the feeling, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling the room. you don’t know what has him so worked up, but if he’s going to make you feel this good, you might have to figure it out.

you need just a little more, your hand trailing down your body to get to your clit. you moan in relief when your fingers circle your clit, clenching tightly around jaehyun’s length. it has his hips stuttering slightly, eyes making their way to your hand. he’s quick to push your hand away to replace it with his own, thumb making tight circles around the nub. 

he move up to whisper into your ear, “only i can make you feel this good, right? i know you better than anyone else, even yourself.”

you shake your head at his words, but your hips roll up into his, trying to fit more of him inside you. he chuckles lowly at the sight, a small smile on his face as he watches you. he’s slamming into you now, any patience he had now gone as he nears the edge. he starts, “no? trust me, pretty. i know just how you like to be touched, how you liked to be fucked. i know you so well that i just know that you’re close to cumming.”

tears prick your eyes, because yes, you are close to cumming. you can’t help it, not when he’s fucking you like this. he’s not usually this talkative, choosing rather to focus on getting away from any stresses. but now, he’s letting you in on his thoughts, letting you know what could possibly be nagging at him. you’ll save it for another time.

you’re surrounded by all of him, chest touching his as his warm breath hits your neck. you used to wish for him to kiss you during moments like these, moments where you’re both so close, adrenaline too high. now, all you can do is whine out his name, begging for him to let you cum.

it’s easy for you to let go of any past emotions you had for him, but for jaehyun, he wishes he could kiss you. he wishes that you could want him again, wishes that he didn’t have to fuck you like this. this is what he wanted, though. he just didn’t think it would be this hard. he tries to ignore it by groaning into your ear, “gonna cum for me? gonna cum all over my cock?”

“y-yes, please! you make me feel so good!”

“yeah? show me then, pretty girl. show me how i’m the only one who can make you feel this good.”

at the sound of his voice, you cum. your chest arches up into his, nails digging into his back as you let go. he’s moaning at the feeling, his hips stuttering as he tries to fuck into your tight pussy. he has to bite down onto your shoulder at the feeling, holding back just how bad he wants to cum inside you.

when you start whining, he’s quick to pull out of your heat, quickly jerking himself off to the sight of how fucked out you look. with a moan of your name, his cum shoots out over your stomach, his cheeks a pretty pink as he does. 

it’s quiet in his room, save for the deep breaths you both let out. he’s just staring down at you, saving the image of you covered in his cum in his mind. you don’t mind, too tired to notice the slight adoration in his eyes as he stares. it is embarrassing though, covering your face with your arm as you tell him to move.

he blinks away his thoughts, chuckling at your embarrassment. he pats your thigh, moving away as he goes to get a towel to clean you up. he’s being careful with you, his movements slow as the towel moves around your body. there’s a soft look in his eyes, a lazy smile on his face as he indirectly touches you. he’s quick to throw the towel into his laundry basket, even quicker to join you in bed. 

in a motion that almost seems too soft for the fact that he just fucked you into his sheets, he pulls your back into his chest. one of his hands makes it to your side, letting it sit there. his breaths are evening out, fanning across your shoulder that he nuzzles into. his touches are hesitant against your skin, almost as if he was debating on whether or not he could touch you like this.

you almost want to push his hand away or try to make some space between the two of you. friends should not be holding each other like this, friends should not be letting each other bask in the warmth of their bodies. friends shouldn’t even be having sex, not like this.

but you figure just this once, you’ll let yourself have this moment. it’s a bit selfish, getting to have jaehyun like this. you wished he’d hold you like this every single time. you think if he did, you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from falling back in love with him. there’s no way for you to win when it comes to jaehyun.

as he presses a kiss and murmurs a goodnight into your shoulder, you make a promise to yourself: you won’t ever lose yourself over jaehyun again.

jaehyun realizes how little time he’s been spending with you recently.

he’s been hearing more about this jungwoo guy. you’ve told him can’t hang out, i’m with jungwoo right now or i’ll be hanging out with jungwoo later. you’ve been so busy catching up with jungwoo that jaehyun hasn’t had the time to talk to you. no more eating or shopping together, not when jungwoo’s around.

jaehyun doesn’t want to say he’s necessarily jealous of the relationship you two share, but can’t say it doesn’t sit right with him. jaehyun is still your friend after all, and he doesn’t like hearing you talk so much about him. during the small chances jaehyun gets to talk to you, you always slip in one mention about jungwoo.

what about jaehyun? what does jungwoo have that he doesn’t? he could totally treat and touch you better than jungwoo ever could. he practically does already. he can’t help but let these little thoughts enter his mind. if jungwoo’s in the way, how is jaehyun supposed to show you how much he likes you?

it’s one day that you’re both splayed across his couch, your legs resting over his as his thumb smoothes across the skin of your thigh when jungwoo is brought up again. out of the corner of his eye, he can see you smile and lightly laugh at your phone. jaehyun, being the nosy person that he is, can’t help but try to reach over to see what you’re laughing at.

you’re quick to push him away, chuckling at the sight of the small pout on his face. he tries again, and you decide it’s probably better just to sit beside him instead. you begrudgingly show him your phone, and he squints his eyes so he can read your screen better.

it’s quiet for a few moments before he hums at the texts between you and jungwoo. it’s a conversation funny enough to make you laugh. he tries not to roll his eyes at the cutesy way jungwoo texts, him being clearly interested in you. he doesn’t want to say anything about it though, doesn’t want you to know that jungwoo bothers him for reasons that he shouldn’t be thinking. 

“he’s funny,” jaehyun muses, trying to stop the snarky remark he wants to say.

“way funnier than you,” you tease, watching him deflate back to his side of the couch. 

“there’s been times where you’ve laughed at my jokes though, like laughed laughed.”

“i was either super drunk or bored out of my mind, so those don’t count.”

jaehyun rolls his eyes at you, deciding to ignore your words, choosing to believe that you think he’s the funniest man ever. he’s been finding himself having little competitions with jungwoo that only he’s a part of. jungwoo is funny? jaehyun is funnier. jungwoo is cute? jaehyun is cute, too, just give him a minute.

jaehyun tries to boil it down to the fact he’s always been competitive, but he knows it’s more than that. in his head, it doesn’t matter what jungwoo does better than jaehyun because right now, you're in his apartment, on his couch, deciding to spend meaningless time with him. 

“what have you both been doing? i haven’t seen you at all this week.” he hates how his voice sounds, a little too clingy for his liking, but he hopes you don’t hear it.

“nothing, really. we’ve just been going out to eat or hanging out when we have the time.”

jaehyun figures you both somehow have all the time in the world in order to be hanging out this much. he makes his voice whiny before speaking, “i miss you, please don’t leave me forever.”

you laugh at the sound of his voice, pulling your legs away from him. “you’re acting like me spending time with jungwoo is gonna kill you.”

“what’s killing me is the fact i don’t get to see you that much anymore,” he grumbles. 

he notices that you don’t respond right away, and when he goes to look at you, your eyebrows are furrowed and there’s a certain look in your eyes. did he say too much? before he can start panicking, you turn towards him, “don’t do that.”

“do what?”

“pretend like you miss me when we already spend a lot of time together. you literally called me up the other night.”

jaehyun lets out a breath, “sorry, but you’re still my friend. i do miss you, i’m jealous that jungwoo gets to see you that much.” although he says it jokingly, there’s definitely truth behind his words. it might not mean much to you, but the fact that jungwoo gets to see you in a way that only jaehyun feels like he deserves, it hurts him.

“i’m gonna tell jungwoo you’re being mean to him,” you huff.

“tell him then,” jaehyun slings an arm around your waist, “let him know that he needs to learn how to share.”

“first of all,” you slide his arm off of you, “don’t say it like that because you make it sound like i’m an object. two, i think you might need to learn how to share.”

he hums, “you were mine first.”

“i was never yours,” you grouch, “you made that clear when you rejected me.”

he can tell you’re joking, but he can feel his blood run cold at your words. it’s a reminder to him that the rejection is still clear in your mind, reminding him just how much he hurt you. it will always be a reminder of how he messed up what could've been a good relationship with you if he just had more time.

he can’t blame you for his own mistake. he can’t.

in the best way he can, he puts his hands together and grovels, “please, can you find it in your kind soul to forgive me?”

you scoff, rightfully so, before grabbing your phone to take a picture of him. you’re quiet for a few moments more, jaehyun knowing that you’re about to post the picture on your instagram story for everyone to see, including jungwoo. he doesn’t want to stop you, equal parts of wanting to show off how you’re hanging out with him and a little bit of embarrassment. 

you set your phone down, placing your hands on top of his, “you can stop. now i kinda just feel bad for you. you do deserve it, though.”

jaehyun doesn’t move, staring at you with a certain look in his eyes. he can tell you right here, he thinks. he’s thought about what he’d say if he were to confess to you almost too much. he’s practiced his lines before, thinking up the perfect way he’d confess. it almost feels right to do it now, clearing his throat and-

your phone buzzes, pulling your attention away from him. he grimaces when you show him the notification. what seems to be jungwoo’s account liking your story, the story that has jaehyun begging for your apology posted on it. you sigh dreamily, “told you he’s funny.”

“not funny when it’s jungwoo.”

“jaehyun!”

you find yourself drinking at jaehyun’s place again.

it’s a slow night, both of you had stressful days. you choose to stay in jaehyun’s kitchen, laughing at unfunny words and pouring more wine for each other as the night rolls on. you didn’t mean to stay over so late, but jaehyun practically begged you to spend some time with him. you were quick to say yes under the guise that all he wanted to do was be with his friend.

before the night went too deep, you texted jungwoo saying that you probably won’t be able to call him tonight. he responds quick, a have fun! and i hope you sleep well :) flashing on your screen. you smile warmly at the messages, but quickly notice jaehyun also staring at them. you push at his shoulders, whining over how he’s invading your privacy.

his cheeks are rosy from the wine, a sly smile on his face as he asks, “how am i not supposed to look when i see you smiling like that.”

“you’re supposed to be a good friend and support me in my times of need!”

he puts his hands up in defense, that annoying smile still looking back at you, “thank you for being so vulnerable around me. and who’s to say i don’t support you in your times of need?”

you hear the double meaning in his words, swatting him away, “hey! you’re actually so gross.”

he just chuckles at your words, enjoying how easily you get embarrassed at his teasing. it’s been happening more often, and jaehyun can’t help but piece together that it might be because of jungwoo. jaehyun feels that you might be slipping away right in front of him, and he can’t really do anything to stop it.

you aren’t completely unaware of jaehyun trying to get you to hang out with him. he’s been sending more texts recently, nothing really important being said. you’re not sure how obvious you’re being with jungwoo, but you’re sure that jaehyun has at least an inkling on how you feel about him. which leads you to believe that jaehyun might be a little jealous.

it was never your intention to make him jealous. that night when you first saw jungwoo again was all unplanned. you never thought you would end up talking to him, never thought you’d like the way he treated you. he was so sweet to you, always trying to take care of your every need when prompted.

it’s bad to compare, but you realize that jaehyun’s only being so nice to you now is because jungwoo’s being nice to you. 

that’s not to say that jaehyun was never not nice to you, but you could tell that it’s a different kind of nice when it comes to him. the relationship you have with jaehyun now feels more like a bandaid to cover all of the bad things that have happened, no one bothering to address it. you don’t want to either way, no use in bringing up what shouldn’t be talked about.

even now, as you’re here with him in his kitchen, feeling the cold air from the open window drift in, there’s unspoken words between the two of you. you can hear the music playing from his speakers in the other room, the melody sticking in your head. it’s weird to think that you would’ve never gotten to see jaehyun like this if you didn’t stay with him.

it’s quiet for a few moments, apart from jaehyun humming along to the song that’s playing. it’s dark, his warm lights low as they cover the both of you. it’s nice like this, a little drunk and a little quiet; you don’t have to think about anything you don’t want to. you don’t think before you speak, “i do miss you, too, you know.” 

“yeah?”

“you’re still someone i appreciate, even after everything.”

he doesn’t respond, and you think he’s taking in your words. you’re not sure why you didn’t specify ‘friend’ but you know he knows better than to have his hopes up anymore. you see that the tips of his ears are pink, the lazy smile on his face showing that he’s a bit tipsy too. he’s not looking at you, you’re not really sure what he’s thinking-

“i think… i think i love you.”

“what?”

his eyes immediately snap to yours, widening as he realizes what slipped out of his mouth. slightly panicking, he stands up, trying to backtrack, “no, i- look-”

“what did you say?”

“i’m sorry, i didn’t mean it-”

“what does that even mean? you can’t just randomly say you love me and then take it back?”

he chooses not to answer right away, eyes darting all around as he tries to come up with an answer. he can fix this, he can help himself, it’s just… he doesn’t really want to. it’s almost selfish with how he feels a little relief with his confession. “since you’re asking,” he starts, “i… i like you. i’ve liked you for a while now.”

when he looks at you, the anger from before is still there. you’re biting down on your lip, hands balled at your sides as his words hit you. “jaehyun… do you know how wrong that is? since when? after you rejected me?”

“no, i- fine. yes, after i rejected you. i know it’s wrong and i know i shouldn’t but it clicked for me, even if it was a little late.”

“a little late? jaehyun, you’re telling me this after you know i’m talking to someone. you knew that there’d be a high chance that i wouldn’t feel the same. i know you’re not that dumb.”

“but that’s how you felt when you asked me out? even if there was a chance that i would say no to you, you still did it, right? that’s exactly how i feel, how bad would it be if i tried?”

a shocked laugh leaves you, “that isn’t fair! you’re not being fair! you’re not thinking about how i would feel knowing this!”

you think he knows that it’s not the same between you and him. you confessed because you genuinely thought you had a chance with him. jaehyun’s only confessing because you’re talking to jungwoo. 

“i should’ve never let this happen! fuck, i knew if i kept talking to you, something bad would happen.”

he scoffs, wanting to call out your bluff. “i never forced you to come over and talk. you weren’t forced to come over and have sex with me. you could’ve stopped this at any time, but you kept coming back to me.”

you let out an exasperated sound, “we were friends, jaehyun. friends hang out and talk, that’s literally all we were doing.”

he snaps, “friends don’t fuck. friends don’t hold each other after sex. you can’t say that you didn’t feel anything between us. that’s the whole reason i called you for sex the other day, i needed you."

you can hear how loud your heart is pounding in your chest. your head hurts already, the faint song playing in the other room only adding to the pain. there’s nothing more that you want to do than just go home. you wish you could’ve been more clear, you wished you would’ve drawn a clearer line between the two of you. now you’re stuck like this.

you sigh out, mumbling into the quiet air, “if i had known that you were gonna be like this, i would’ve made sure to end whatever we had as soon as possible.”

“if you never met jungwoo, then this probably never would’ve happened. i could’ve asked you out the normal way, but you kind of forced me into drunkenly confessing to you.”

you send a glare straight at him, “do not assume how i would feel in any situation. the fact that you didn’t even want to tell me that you liked me says everything i need to know.”

“how was i supposed to tell the girl i rejected that i like her now?”

“exactly! don’t you see how fucked up that is?”

he shrugs, closing himself off before you can start up again. you know how he gets, pretending that none of this really matters to him. it’s childish, and you know he knows it. you don’t know what else to do. if he can’t sort himself out, there’s no reason for you to be here anymore.

you’re quick to get up and out of the kitchen. he doesn’t look at you at first, but as soon as he hears you pack your stuff into your bag and your car keys in hands, he follows right after you. there’s a startled look on his face, you can tell that he didn’t think you would leave him. you watch as he raises a hand to stop you, but quickly puts it down after some thought.

you let out a breath, “i’m leaving. you can decide if you want to pull yourself together and grow up if you wanna talk. if not, don’t even bother texting me.”

he doesn’t try to argue, watching as you walk out his door. he can’t feel anything, doesn’t really want to do anything other than lay in bed. he walks over to his bedroom, the sound of a familiar slow song getting louder as he walks closer. he makes it inside, pausing the song before laying down onto his back. it’s quiet again.

he just ruined everything.

for the first time in a while, your life feels kinda normal.

there’s not a lot for you to worry about if you ignore a few things. work is fine, your friends are celebrating your freedom, and jungwoo comforts you in every way possible. you realize that jungwoo might’ve been everything you’ve been looking for in a person. he stays close when you need him and gives you space when you ask.

you tell jungwoo that you’re happy to have him right now. you tell him that you’re sorry for acting a little weird recently (he quickly denies your claim). you don’t tell him exactly what happened with jaehyun, but you can assume he at least knows a little. he doesn’t try to pry it out of you, choosing not to remind you of something you don’t want to think of.

and you’re not thinking about it. you haven’t gotten any texts from jaehyun, so why should you care?

as much as you don’t want to admit it, it does feel weird not having jaehyun in your life. you didn’t realize how much you thought about him or how much time was dedicated to being with him. it didn’t seem to matter at first because you thought it was because you both were friends, but you realize he was kind of stringing you along.

there’s a lot of time you have to yourself now. you don’t have to worry about jaehyun calling you randomly throughout the day or one of his spontaneous meetups. you don’t have to think about his you up? texts during the late hours of the night. you don’t have to think about any hurt he’s caused you in the past. none of it will mean anything anymore.

until you get a call from johnny.

“hey, johnny. what’s up?”

he skips right past your greeting, “why doesn’t jaehyun want to hang out with you?”

you’re shocked for multiple reasons. one, of course, johnny already knows your business. two, how dare jaehyun say he doesn’t want to hang out with you. you scoff, “what exactly did he say?”

“he said he was busy, but, like i know he’s not gonna be busy. and that obviously means that something is going on between you two.”

you want to scream into your phone’s microphone. jaehyun doesn’t deserve to set the boundary between you two. he was the one who messed it up in the first place, so why is he the one trying to put distance between you two? “johnny,” you start, “do you promise not to tell anyone about what i’m about to tell you? you can’t even tell jaehyun.”

he lets out a little shocked sound and you can imagine him sitting up straight. he whispers into the call, “what is it?”

“the other night, jaehyun told me he likes me. actually, in his own words, he said he thinks he loves me.”

he gasps loudly into the phone, “what? are you sure? like jaehyun said that? jaehyun?”

“exactly! it doesn’t even seem like something he’d do! he said it was because we were both drinking.”

“that doesn’t even matter,” johnny sighs, “you don’t go around saying that to your friend, especially not the friend you rejected before.”

“you get it! that’s literally what i told him! i need to sit down with you so we can discuss this.”

it’s quiet on the other side of the call, and by his silence, you can tell he’s planning something. it’s never good when he does, so you try to call out his name before he can think any more, but you’re too late.

“i think you should sit down with him to talk about what happened.”

you sarcastically laugh, “he hasn’t even texted me, there’s no way i’m talking to him first.”

“i didn’t say you should text him first, i’m just saying that you both should talk. you can’t just leave this off on bad terms.”

“and if i want to?”

“i know you don’t. plus, it feels like i’m a child whose parents are going through divorce, so you need to fix this.”

you whine into the phone, which causes johnny to laugh on the other end. he’s right, you don’t want this to end badly with jaehyun. even if you both decide to never talk again, you don’t want to have a strained relationship with him. after a few moments, you answer him, “fine, but don’t have your hopes up because even i don’t know what’s gonna happen.”

“okay, perfect, because i already kinda convinced jaehyun to meet up with you.”

“johnny!”

he defends himself, “like i said, i’m basically seeing you guys go through a divorce. please bring my family back together.”

“whatever, do what you want to do.” johnny cheers from the other end of the call, quickly letting out an you won’t be disappointed! before he hangs up, not even letting you say goodbye. as much as you try to hide it, a part of you is happy at the thought of jaehyun wanting to work things out with you.

even if you don’t know what you want just yet, you’ll get yourself ready.

you realize you’re no longer happy when a few days later, jaehyun shows up to your front doorstep, a frown painted on his face.

you almost want to slam the door on him when he speaks. his voice is quiet, “why did you tell johnny you didn’t want to hang out with me?”

as soon as he stops talking, it all clicks in your head. johnny tricked you both. you’ll have to get mad at him later, but for right now, you have to deal with jaehyun who’s pretending he didn’t just ignore you for almost two weeks. you reluctantly let him in, watching as he walks in almost too normally.

no one bothers talking, no one trying to make the first move. you’re staring him down and he tries to ignore the hard stare you’re giving him. while you’re glaring at him, you can see how he looks more tired than usual. the faint lines under his eyes give it away, and when he does finally make eye contact with you, it’s soft, no anger behind his eyes.

you step back, breathing in before speaking, “let’s go talk in my room.”

he sends you a soft smile, not needing you to guide him to your room. he knows the whole layout by now, feeling more like he’s leading you to your own room. he opens the door for you, choosing to let you walk in first. it’s awkward when you have to motion for him to step in, watching him not really knowing what to do.

you move to sit on your bed, and he moves to sit at your desk. it’s not as awkward as it is tense. you don’t know what to say, you didn’t plan on him coming over. his eyes are darting across your room, his eyebrows furrowed as he presumably tries to start the conversation.

“how are you doing?”

you roll your eyes at the simple question, “i’ve been doing fine. i feel like my life’s been a lot calmer since that day.”

he leans forward in his seat, “really? i feel like i’ve lost ten years of my life.”

deserved, you think. you gather all your thoughts before speaking, “i think the days that i spent without thinking about you really changed how i feel. i realized just how much i was entangled in your life. it wasn’t good for me.”

he looks off to the side, taking in your words. you see the hurt that settles in his face, you see how it’s going to be burned into his memory. he smacks his lips, “i think for me it’s the opposite. i realized during this time without you really solidified my feelings. i can’t lie and say that my feelings have changed, because they haven’t.”

you feel anger bubbling up inside you, but you can’t do that today. you take a few breaths, calming yourself down as you focus on what you’re most curious about, “why did you start liking me?”

“i don’t even know. i know it’s shitty of me to realize how much you mean to me after i said no to your confession. i understand why you said no to me.”

“i’m sorry for getting mad so quickly. it was just so out of the blue, i never would’ve expected you to say that.”

you pat the spot on your bed next to you, calling his name softly. he slowly moves to your side, his eyes focused on his hands splayed across his knees. after all this time without you, he wishes he could hold your hand in his, even if he tried to play it off as a joke. it’s been too long without your touch. you took away the only thing that kept him close to you. 

“can i ask something?”

he nods, putting all of his focus on you. it feels intense when he does, you haven’t had him this close in a long time. you clear your throat, “this wasn’t all because of jungwoo, right?”

he sighs, his jaw clenching as he thinks of the right words to say. he’s deep in thought, and you almost want to tell him to drop it all together. he decides to speak up, “honestly? seeing you both together kind of made me realize my feelings. i was losing you to him, and i really couldn’t handle it. i’m not trying to ruin whatever you have going on with him, i promise.”

you don’t know what else to say. so much of this could've been prevented if you kept an eye out for yourself. you also wouldn’t want to go back and change what you’ve done. you don’t regret ever being jaehyun’s friend, you don’t regret all the memories you’ve made with him. 

“so, this… this is really over then?”

you shrug, “i would think so.”

it’s quiet for a few moments, the both of you letting the thought seep in. “this” has never been defined between the two of you, but you can assume it’s almost everything you do together. what you’re feeling now is close to how you felt when he first rejected you. what’s different now is that you can’t help but feel just a little relieved, ending something that probably should’ve never happened.

in another world, you think you would’ve reciprocated jaehyun’s feelings. it would’ve been easy, pieces easily falling into place as you both fall for each other. it’s almost as if it were supposed to be something that was natural. but jaehyun had given the time for you to move on, and you did. it was too late for him to realize his own feelings.

“we can still be friends if you can handle that.”

he laughs incredulously, “if i can handle that? i’m a grown man, thank you very much.”

“yeah? well i think if i were you, i wouldn’t be able to hold back my feelings,” you tease.

he grumbles, “too soon, you’re too mean.”

jaehyun watches a pretty smile adorn your face, and if it weren’t for the current circumstances, he would tell you how pretty you look. he keeps the thought to himself though, opting to ask, “how about one last drink together as friends who are a little more than friends?”

you hum, pretending to think about it. you watch worry wash over his face, and you do feel bad a little bit. “one more time, just for your sake. you look like you might start crying.”

he groans as you walk away to get some wine for the both of you. you’re by yourself for a few moments as you pour the drinks. you feel awkward in here by yourself, left with thoughts and memories of all the things you’ve done together. all the times you’ve had sex, all the times where he’s felt like your boyfriend, but none of it holds to him being your friend.

you don’t know if you can continue being friends with him. 

it would be unfair to jungwoo. you haven’t told him the exact dynamics of how your friendship with jaehyun worked, but you can assume he knows most of it. 

you return to the sight of jaehyun looking around your room. he’s been in here too many times to count, and yet seeing him here now, it’s weird. he feels out of place, he feels almost like a stranger in your own apartment. despite the history you have with him, it seemed to fall apart so easily as soon as conflict hit.

he thanks you quietly when you hand him the glass. you take a small sip of your drink, watching jaehyun do the same from the corner of your eye. after the drink, he chooses to speak, “so how are you and jungwoo?’

“that’s how you want to start our small talk?” you splutter out.

“i mean, can i not be interested in my friends' love life?”

well it’s hard when you were directly involved in it. you shrug, taking another small sip before speaking, “i’m… really happy that i’m talking to him. he takes care of me, he’s always asking how i’m doing. it’s nice being with him.”

you can tell jaehyun is trying not to let your words affect him, “are you both… officially dating yet?”

his words make you shy, your facing feeling hot at the idea of dating jungwoo. brushing off his words, you laugh, “no! not yet, at least. i think i’d say yes if he asked me out.”

he nods, his head hanging heavy, hand twirling the wine in his glass. you know what he’s thinking, you don’t need to ask him. you can’t be his, you won’t ever be his. you think that this was never supposed to work out, no matter how hard you tried or how much you think he could’ve loved you. he wasn’t meant for you.

“okay, one more thing.”

he nods, turning his attention back on you.

“did you really mean it back then, like, when you said that you weren’t ready for a relationship?”

“yes, i was scared. i think back then, even though i didn’t realize it, i also had feelings for you. but it was… it just wasn’t the right time for me. even though i liked spending so much time with you, there were things i wanted to figure out first.”

you cock your head to the side, “like?”

he hums in thought for a bit, trying to remember times from so long ago. thinking back, you remember how you felt old, you felt like you were already an adult. but he’s right, there were still things you didn’t know about yourself, and you wonder if dating jaehyun would’ve stopped you from figuring them out.

“i guess… mostly wanting to decide what i wanted to do with my life. now that i’ve somewhat settled, i feel more confident in what i want. even though it came at the worst time, i was so sure that i could see you in my future.”

the confession doesn’t hurt as much as you thought it would. you can relate to how he feels. for the longest time, you felt that you needed jaehyun in your life. it wasn’t until after he confessed to you that you saw that there’s more to your life than him. you’re thankful for all the time you’ve had with him, but there’s still so much more for you to do.

it’s like this for a few more hours, the sunset bleeding into the night time. you both have a few more drinks, jaehyun eventually turns on music playing on his phone. you feel a lot better now. you only want the best for jaehyun, and you think that this is the best for the both of you.

jaehyun has to leave at some point, one of the last buses back to his place coming soon. you don’t want him to go, you don’t want him to leave the comfort of your bedroom. there’s a small part of you that’s scared that you’ll never see him here again. you try to remind him that this is what you both need, clear, distinct boundaries.

you walk him to your door, “you’ll text me once you're at your apartment, right?”

he shuffles over, “yeah, i will. johnny will make sure i get there safe.”

you nod, opening the door for him. he walks out, watching you with an unsure look on his face. a part of you wants to let him in, wants to let him give you one last kiss. it’s wrong, your grip on your door getting tighter at the thought. he still has a strong pull on you, your hand wanting to reach for his.

it’s not meant to be.

“goodnight, jaehyun. i’ll see you soon, okay?”

“alright, goodnight. i… i’ll be here if you ever need me. i’ll wait.”

you smile, “i know. thank you, get back safe.”

he nods, waving you off before he walks away. you close the door, locking it behind you. it’s quiet now, no soft conversations, no laughing, just the sound of your feet pattering on the floor. 

you don’t really feel like crying. you don’t feel like there’s something missing inside you. jaehyun used to be a big part of you, but as time went on, he took up less and less space.

there’s more important things to worry about than someone who couldn’t make time for you. you have time to figure things out now, you have time to figure out what you really want, whether that’s jungwoo or someone else. 

you’ve never felt better. 

as jaehyun scrolls through instagram, he sees a post from you. it’s been a while since he’s seen you in person, so he’ll take anything he can get. the first few photos are of you, and the next few are pictures of things he assumes you found pretty. the last photo is what makes him pause, a photo of what he can only assume is jungwoo holding your hand.

he checks the comments, some of your friends replying with different emojis, all to tease you with. they all seem to know about your budding relationship with jungwoo. jaehyun’s glad that it’s going well for the both of you. it’s what you deserve after what he put you through.

he hung out with you and johnny the other day. as much as everyone tried to be normal, he couldn’t shake off the feeling that he changed the dynamics of your friendship. you and johnny were the same, easily laughing and joking around with each other. it’s not exactly awkward when you and jaehyun talk, but the air around you is certainly different.

it’s what should’ve happened, at the start of it all you both should’ve set rules. jaehyun realizes that he would’ve never gotten to see you in the ways he did. warm lights from his kitchen painting over your skin, or when the light from the moon would shine over your body while he holds you close. he wouldn’t trade those memories for anything.

you were all he had, and losing you is something he will always regret. he knows that you’re doing good now, not just with jungwoo. he doesn’t want to come in and ruin what you’ve built up. it doesn’t matter how much he wants to hold you in his arms or kiss you, you’re better off without him.

he just wishes he had more time.

a/n: hey people... what did we think of this ending... jaehyun is my friend i do not hate him i like him... anyways i hoped u like this... it took longer than i thought it would but im glad its out HOORAYYY

taglist: @froggyforyoongi @the-universe-in-you-jjh @ppeachyttae @omlhyck @hazyhae @haechology @jaehyunful @girlwholoveslpreppyattire @diorcities @hrts4doie @ohmytyong @ecvm5236 @faeryus @riri4andy @rjtulips @missesgirl @shiorebirth @sugaringgcaramel @camomillie @ninicornposts @il02isa @sincerelyneo @perfumejamal @justhgiwo @lovingyoulovinme2 @babyriannie @eunseoksimp @jeonreal @mawnehkah @shoetaroshoe (thank u all omg ��❤️)

[ncis-yp]

may i request sugar daddy!gibbs? <3

Money, Money, Money (Sugar Daddy! Gibbs x Reader)

Late night, black coffee, handsome man, all alone. Third time this week, 5th week in a row you’ve seen him. You flirted often fishing for bigger tips, trying to pay bills you couldn’t even afford to have. You lived on your own. 18 years old, last 2 months of high school, and barely a plan and money to plan life with.

“See you’re here again!” You say happily topping him off.

“Hey! Rough week” he sighed, eyeing you gently.

“You work at… don’t tell me” you say trying to remember. “NCIS!” You exclaim.

“Good memory” he smiles. “How are you (y/n)?” He asks.

“Ah I’m alright. Just trying to get off work as soon as possible, you know” you shrug. “Later it gets the scarier it is outside.”

“Well, what time do you get off?” Gibbs asks.

“12” you sigh, looking towards the clock. Only 9:45. “Got about 2 hours left”

“Yeah, remember the goal kid.” Gibbs smiled. “Say, what college do you plan on attending? I remember you saying you were a senior and it’s almost the end of the year.”

“Oh, college.” You say quietly. “I can’t afford it, so I won’t be going. Maybe in the future” his phone began ringing. He clicked it silent before turning to you,

“Ah I see… well (y/n) have a good night. I’ve gotta get back to work” he stands.

“See ya around, Jet” you saluted him.

“Jet…” he said thoughtfully. “I like that!!”

Time skip~

The clock hit 12 and your shift was over. You walked out to see a familiar face leaning against a car. You smiled as he approached you.

“Hey Jet! What’re you still doin out?”

“Driving you home” he shakes his keys. “Scary out here” you can see a smirk.

“Coming from a guy who’s packing” you roll your eyes as you approach the car. You were gonna let yourself get a ride with a man who had a gun… a lot safer than walking an hour without a gun. That was how you justified getting into that car.

“Oh shut up” he opened the door and you got in.

When you arrived at your shitty apartment that you could barely afford you saw Gibbs eyes search the perimeter.

“I’ll walk you in… I don’t like the looks of that guy on the corner” he motions with his head.

“It’s really alright. Thank you for the ride!” You say opening your door. Jethro reached across and shut it before you could step out. Silently he got out and walked around the car. Opening it.

“Let’s go” he grinned sweetly. You caved and bring him up. His eyes fell on your small apartment. Clean, organized, your life could fit in a box. He made notes of things to buy you.

“Well since you’re up here” you say as you take off your coat. “Coffee? Tea? Might actually have a bottle of soda in the fridge…” you trail as you thought about it.

“Coffee’s great, yeah” he accepts. The two of you stayed up talking late into the night before he left. Your insecurity of what you could afford present in the back of your mind.

A few days later~

You woke up to a knock on your front door. You opened it to see a delivery guy at your door.

“Delivery for a…” he looked at his clipboard. “(Y/n)(l/n)”

“Yeah, yeah that’s me” you say. “What is this?” The man shrugged.

“A car? If you didn’t order it, not my problem. I can’t take it back.” He said as you signed the paper. He handed you the keys. “Beautiful car by the way” he walked away. You closed the door behind you, walking downstairs. Outside you eagerly clicked the key, looking around for the car, your eyes finally settling on the black dodge challenger sitting in a parking spot a few meters down.

“Oh my god” you say nearly in tears. You ran back upstairs and hurriedly got dressed for work, hoping to see Jethro there. And sure enough when you pulled up in your new car, there was Jethro, leaning on his car again.

“You fucking bastard” you run and hug him, you cry happily into his shoulder. He laughed as you did so.

“Wait wait, I get you a car and you call me Bastard!!!” He exclaimed. “I got something else for you…” he digs his hand into his pocket, another key coming out on his finger.

“Jethro…” you say looking at it as a bright green address tag danced in your eyes.

“Coffee first. Key later” you nodded as you lead him inside.

Time skip~

You ended your shift early to go with Jethro. You blindly tailed him into a nicer apartment complex in a better part of Quatico. Your heart began to flutter as you parked.

You walked into a nice apartment on the 3rd floor. Beautiful black granite kitchen tops, newly installed appliances.

“So…” he says. “What furniture were you thinking you wanted for your new apartment?” He says handing you magazines.

“Holy shit.” You whisper. “This is mine?” He nodded. “This place is mine?” You gasp.

“All paid off. So is the car. And so is your degree.”

“Degree?” You ask. “No you didn’t”

“Yes. I did” he smiled.

“Shut up” you tear up as he passes you a folder. The big words ‘WELCOME TO VIRGINIA TECH’ inscribed. “How did you-“

“Pulled some strings… I think your 1560 SAT score and perfect GPA helped a lot…” he said.

“Oh my god” you cry out jumping into his arms. “I will pay it all back” you say.

“Nope. No need. Just keep being a good girl and I will give you the world” he says.

“Thank you so much!!”

“Of course! You deserve it” he winked. “Now pick out some furniture. It’s your reward for getting into Virginia Tech” you kisses your cheek.

[pullupinarari]

I wouldn’t choose to blame it on you [LH]

author's note: me posting fics at 1 am, what's new 🤧 I still have A LOT of doubts about this one, but I decided to post it so you could be the ones deciding if it's shit or not 😃 anyway, hope yall enjoy this! mwah

warnings: there are mentions of a car crash and a coma in this one!!

• masterlist

wc: 8478 - english is not my first language! feedback is always appreciated

Life hasn’t been easy for you lately. You’ve been struggling with some problems at work, leading to your mental health deteriorating alongside it. All the stress, the sleepless nights, are taking a toll on you, ruining your good moods and patience. Your body runs on anxiety most of the time now, making you snap more easily over small things that don’t justify it at all. 

At the same time, Lewis has also been struggling: with his work, with his mind sometimes. Things have been going downhill for him at Mercedes, and you know he feels the pressure - from the team, the fans, and especially from himself. He too has been going through a good amount of sleepless nights, tossing and turning in the bed, his mind running to find a solution for all the problems surrounding his car, trying to understand what is wrong with it, why this season feels like it’s cursed for him. 

You know all of this, you witness everything from the front row - and you try your hardest to be there for him, to comfort him and to support him, in the exact same way that Lewis does for you, no matter what.

But Lewis is definitely much more patient, calm and thoughtful than you are - most of the time, at least. He always has the time to listen to you, and even if he has to run, he finds a way to allow you to vent to him, so he can assure you that everything will be okay. 

However, he has his bad days as well. And today was just one of those days. Lewis was stressed already before the race, groaning and huffing in his drivers room while he was putting on his racing suit. Qualification didn’t go well yesterday, he was going to start the race in a shitty place once again, and just the thought of it devastates him. You know Lewis thinks about his career a lot - he can’t help but compare his golden years to the races that he has been having lately, and he wonders what kind of legacy he will leave behind after all this. 

It consumes him, you know it does. He doesn’t know what he is doing wrong, what he can do to improve, if the problem is really in the car or if he had just forgotten how to drive it, out of nowhere. The intrusive thoughts are stronger than him, and this weekend, he is definitely letting them win and take over his mind. 

But something doesn’t sit right with you. You don’t know what it is, you just know that you have an agitated sensation inside of you, a feeling of disquietness - the type that feels suffocating, like someone is stepping on your chest and never letting go.

“I don’t feel right about today” - you share with Lewis, your voice sounding calm and quiet, just barely above a whisper, undecided about whether you should acknowledge this emotion or not. 

For some reason, Lewis doesn’t want to hear it, so the loud sigh that leaves his mouth is enough to make your body contort in your seat. “Can you just shut up for a single minute, please?” - he asks, his voice sounding tired and done - with the weekend, with everything that’s happening, with you. 

He has had enough sleepless nights, he can’t even begin to explain the rollercoaster of emotions that’s been running through his own body for the past couple of months, and he just can’t do it today. He can’t, for the life of him, listen to another hour of you pouring all your sorrows out for him to absorb them, to add them to his own frustrations, to try and deal with every single one of them at the same time. Lewis has enough on his plate already, and he’s tired of you using him as a deposit for your own sentiments. 

“What has gotten into you?!” - you question, maybe in a too defensive tone, looking at his figure with furrowed eyebrows. The environment surrounding both of you already feels heavier, when Lewis gives you a moment of silence, before digesting your question. 

He turns to look at you, his eyes focused on yours, with a serious expression painting his face. “Y/N, I am genuinely so fucking exhausted. You’re not the only one suffering, you know? You see every single day all the shit that I have to pull through, and still, you don’t give me a minute to breathe! I know you’re going through your own shit as well, but fucking hell! The only thing you do now is complain about every single thing and it’s starting to get annoying!” - he blows up in your face, raising his voice even without noticing it, but his words enter your ears, echoing in your insides, and never leaving your body. 

“I am also by your side whenever you need me! You’re being so fucking unfair right now. Because I am the one that actually stays by your side every single weekend, while you aren’t even near me most of the time when I need you” - you spat back, the venom in your words hitting him where it hurts the most. You know how much he blames himself when he has to leave you alone, when work gets in the way of your marriage, when his mind is already toxic enough to make him wonder if he is still a good husband for you, after all that’s happened lately. 

“It’s not my fault that my job demands that I have to travel so much! You know I don’t feel good about all this either! But I am about to get into my car and here you are, complaining about your feelings, instead of trying to support me for a bit. I need you too, you know?” - he sighs again, noticing his body tensing incredibly hard now, making him feel like his muscles are starting to hurt already. 

“Everything I do seems to annoy you, apparently. I annoy you when I cry, I annoy you when I complain, I annoy you when I fucking speak. So maybe it’s just better for me to shut my fucking mouth, and you might as well just pretend that I’m not here, like I don’t exist. You do that quite a lot lately already” - you reply, your voice sounding quiet now, the hurt in your words sounding so clear. 

But Lewis didn’t want to argue in the first place, he has more important things to focus on right now. So he grabs his helmet and his gloves, turning his back to you as he heads for the door. “Yeah, go ahead and leave. That’s all you know how to do, anyway” - you tell him, insisting on screaming harsh words to him, the blood in your veins feeling like it’s boiling now. 

“For fucks sake” - are the last words leaving his mouth, and you notice how he rolls his eyes before slamming the door shut. Once you are left alone in his room, it’s like the sound of your screams still echo through the walls, reverberating in your body. 

You feel so angry, so mad at him, at the way he talked to you, the harmful things he said to your face - you felt like you had to give him a taste of his own venom, erupting in such a tense fight. Your body feels tense as well, you have a knot forming in your throat, your chest is rising deeply and fast, your breathing feels erratic due to how nervous you feel now. You bury your body deeper on your chair, allowing you some minutes to breathe, to try and calm down, and that’s when tears start flowing out of your eyes, finally allowing all the tension and the gut wrenching feelings that are flowing through your veins, set free now. 

When you reach Lewis’ garage, he is already inside his car, waiting for the signal to leave his spot. No good luck kiss, no encouragement words, not even a fist bump before he starts driving - nothing. None of your pre-race traditions were made. You make sure to hide yourself in the back of the garage, silently watching the beginning of the race, keeping all your attention on your husband’s movements - your eyes focusing on the screen in front of you, while your mind keeps going back to what happened in his driver’s room just 20 minutes ago. 

You can’t help but replay all the words he said to you, how insensitive he was, how he snapped on your face when you didn’t do anything wrong. Your facial expressions are closed, almost showing no emotion at all, while your body is physically hurting from all the emotions that you are trying to process.You take a deep breath, crossing your arms as you realize how angry you actually are, and how difficult this is going to be,forgiving him after everything he said. 

Your eyes keep following his car, lap after lap, turn after turn, and your brain isn’t processing anything that’s happening in front of you - you feel disconnected from the race, from the reality, it’s like your body is there, but your mind is somewhere else. 

The truth is that Lewis isn’t really paying attention to his surroundings either. He hates when this happens, when he has to race while feeling his blood boiling in his veins, his body feeling hot from all the anger reaching his skin. He is running on autopilot now, just making sure that his car stays inside the track limits, barely listening to any words that Bono keeps repeating on his radio, rarely replying to him. His mind is also thinking non-stop about the fight you two had before the race, he keeps wondering if you will have the courage to recognize your mistakes and actually apologize to him, since he doesn’t feel capable of apologizing anytime soon - he actually means every word he said, he needs you so badly and he feels like he is the one that always needs to be there to comfort you. Sometimes, it just needs to be the other way around. 

Only Lewis knows how badly he would kill to have a moment where he could lay on your lap, vent about his concerns, to allow himself to cry out all the emotions that he has been bottling up for the past months and that he never got a chance to release from his body. He wishes you would listen - actually listen to him, paying full attention to what he has to say. To see all the damage he’s been keeping inside, to cuddle him, to comfort him and to assure him that everything will be alright in the end, because he doesn’t seem to be able to see it now. 

It’s like your minds are connected through the same type of thoughts emerging in your brains, making your bodies turn off from reality. You feel like you only come back from diving into your deepest thoughts, when your eyes focus on the way Lewis is struggling to drive now, completely losing control of his car, crashing hard against the barrier at an insanely high speed.

Your heart immediately falls, an electric shock running through your entire body in a second, alerting all your senses as to what’s going on. Bono tries to talk to him over the radio, asking if he is okay, waiting to get an answer - but Lewis doesn’t respond. In the blink of an eye, everybody in the garage is rushing, trying to understand what happened, leaving their seats, some people running out and trying to reach him. 

Your body begins to shake as you keep staring at the image coming from the inside of his cockpit - his head is down, he isn’t moving, and there’s the bad feeling pooling in your chest once again: something is definitely wrong. 

You try to leave your spot, trying to leave his garage as well so you can see him with your own eyes, but as soon as you try to run, someone from the team immediately grabs your arms, not letting go of you, recognizing that the cries and screams leaving your body won’t help now - there’s specialized people that are ready to help him. 

The tears don’t stop streaming down your face now - and you almost didn’t even notice they had started falling already, but you can’t control them. It’s like your heart is speaking for you, your emotions taking advantage over your brain. Soon, people start hugging you, trying to calm down your state as they too try to analyze how the situation is looking.

“Let me go, please” - you plead, hiccuping while you try to get the words out of your mouth. “It’s my husband that’s in that car, please” - you look everyone in the eyes, one by one, trying to appeal to their own feelings now as you beg them to let you meet him. 

Soon, someone is reaching for the television in front of you, turning it off as you start to see his car surrounded by people now, trying to take him out of the vehicle. It all happens so fast, your brain doesn’t have the capacity to keep up with everything that is happening now - you just remember being rushed to another room, so you couldn’t see what was taking place just a few meters away from you. In a matter of minutes, Lewis was being rushed to the hospital, and that’s when his team broke the news to you, letting you know that he was unconscious and in need of serious medical attention as soon as possible. 

And now, here you are: sitting in the waiting room, with a tear stained face, feeling so empty that you can barely breathe at this point. You are still waiting for someone to give you some news about your husband, to tell you what happened to him. To be honest, you just want the doctors to tell you that he is okay, that he is awake and ready to see you - but it doesn’t look like that is going to happen anytime soon. 

Some tears keep drenching your features while you face the wall. You don’t feel like saying anything, you don’t feel like doing anything that doesn’t lead to you seeing your husband. A million different emotions are traveling through your blood while you’re just holding on to the thought of him, now. 

Your brain replays everything that happened for the past couple of days, between the two of you. You really didn’t pay him all the attention that he deserved, that he desperately needed. You were selfish, focused on yourself, and you can’t even begin to explain how badly all your thoughts are weighing so heavily in your chest right now - it’s like you are holding the entire world on your back, with the inexplicable guilt of the last words you directed to Lewis: “go ahead and leave”. Your fists clench at the replay of that scene, feeling incredibly mad at yourself now. How could you say something like that to him? No matter how angry you could have been, you should have never told him something like that. 

You never wanted him to leave - of course you didn’t. You wanted him to stay, to calm down, to talk to you. But this time, you let the anger win, and your heart clenches at the thought of your husband crashing his car with those words lingering in his brain. 

The truth is, Lewis was also replaying the entire scene in his mind, not paying the slightest attention to the race. The grip he had around the steering wheel was incredibly tight, he also regretted what he told you - he realized that his words were unfair. You are trying your best, while still being there for him. He is the one that, sometimes, chooses not to open up, not to let his feelings show, he would rather just listen to your mind most of the time, so that he could avoid his own. 

Lewis’ phone rings, almost at the same time that yours starts ringing as well. You have both devices in your pockets and they’re both being flooded with calls and messages - your families, your friends saw what happened during the race. You understand that they are worried about Lewis, but the truth is, you too have no idea of what happened, or what's going on inside the emergency room. 

The time is passing by so slowly that you can feel each minute, each second touching your skin, giving it goosebumps while you find yourself praying for the best - you just want Lewis to get away with this, you want to look him in the eyes, to hear his voice. Even if he might still be angry at you, you don’t care - as long as he is alive and feeling okay. 

After what it felt like infinite hours, a doctor finally comes up to you. You immediately get up from your seat, asking how Lewis is. “Your husband has a mild concussion, nothing too serious, but he also has a broken shoulder, so we had to perform a simple surgery to correct it. While we were operating him, some bacteria spread through the wound, forming an infection. We tried to clean it as much as we could while in the operating room, but we decided to put him into a medically induced coma, so his body can spend all its energy fighting it, and we can control the infection better this way. He is out of danger for now, but we will keep a close eye on him” - the doctor explained to you in a calm voice. 

Your brain runs to collect all the information that was just thrown at you. “He is out of danger” - the words make your heart pump blood into your veins more calmly. But “for now” is the warning that makes all your internal sirens ring louder, afraid that something serious might happen to Lewis anytime now. 

You take a moment to call your in-laws, letting them know what you just heard from the doctor - in an attempt to help them calm down their clenching hearts as well. When you hang up the calls, a sweet nurse comes looking for you, letting you know that you are finally allowed to see your husband, to come inside the room he’s currently in. 

Your heart jumps out of your chest at her words, and your hands start to shake as you grab the door handle, taking a deep breath before opening it. As soon as your eyes land on your husband, the tears come back. He looks so fragile, lying in that hospital bed with a cast around his shoulder and arm, keeping it in place, resting on his stomach. You take a seat on a chair beside the bed, pulling it further forward, so you can be closer to Lewis. 

There’s a moment of silence lingering in the air, while you look at him - capturing all of him in your mind, each detail - recording it forever. Then, you gain the courage to take his hand in yours - you carefully caress his skin, noticing all the different IV’s that are connected to his body, each tube pumping a different substance into his blood.

He looks like he is just peacefully asleep, like he just came back home after a tiring weekend of racing, and he is just enjoying his time in bed, trying to get some rest - you’ve seen that image so many times already, it used to be one of your favorites, to see your husband at peace and giving his body a deserved break.

But then, your body lets out a sob, remembering why he is here, what happened at the race. You nestle his hand in yours, bringing it to your mouth to leave some kisses on his knuckles gently, while tears paint your features again. 

“Love” - you try to call him, only to no avail. His chest keeps rising up and down at a calm pace, truly like he is just in a deep sleep. You know he can’t answer you right now, but you can only hope that he will be able to hear you. 

“I don’t know if you know why you’re here, I don’t know how your brain feels after all this - the crash, the concussion, this whole coma situation” - you start to tell him, letting the tears fall free, not bothering to clean them up - nothing could make you lose touch with your husband again, so you keep caressing his hand with yours. 

“If you don’t remember what happened, I will tell you: it’s all my fault, Lew. This is all my fault” - your words sound muffled as your cries get more intense. There’s a hole in your chest now, as if someone shot you and the bullet went through your entire core, ripping through all your feelings and who you are. “The guilt won’t die alone this time, because I’m carrying it all with me, and let me tell you, it weighs a ton. I never wanted our stupid fight to end up in a car crash, baby. I never wanted anything bad to happen to you” - you guarantee him, your emotions pouring into his body now. 

If Lewis could feel something in his body while being in a coma, you were pretty sure that he would feel how hot your hands are now - something that’s not normal to you, since he is the one who always needed to warm you up. He would definitely point that out. Your body feels warm due to your altered state, to the way your heart has kept racing in your chest since the moment you saw Lewis losing control of his car. 

“You were right. And I know that, if you were awake right now, you would say ‘of course I was’, but it’s true. You were right, I was selfish, self-centered. It's been a minute since I gave you all the attention that you deserved. I made it all about me. I was way too worried about stupid work related problems, and look at me now. You’re on a hospital bed, and I’m here, crying my eyes out while I carry all the guilt of the shit I told you before the crash” - you sniffle quietly, using your fingers to stroke his cheek gently now. “You know, when you left your garage, I couldn’t stop thinking about how hard it was going to be for me to forgive you after the things you said. But Jesus Christ, now I just want to forget about all that, I want to put it all behind my back - the only thing that matters to me is your well being. I don’t care about any stupid fights if it means that I get to have you with me, sleeping by my side, even annoying me sometimes” - you pause, trying to take a deep breath.

“And when I told you to leave, this isn’t what I meant, you know” - you try to lighten up the mood, but your humor doesn’t do it. Instead, you just cry harder, imagining what you would do if he actually never comes back from this state. “You need to hurry up and fight this fucking bacteria, because I need you back, Lew. I need you so much” - you lay your head on his hip now, quietly sobbing into the sheets while your hand is still holding his.

Your brain assembles a collection of moments that you’ve spent together for the last few years of your lives. Small, simple and happy moments that your husband gave you, the ones that you were the most thankful for: like the way his smile would look so bright and giddy in the middle of the night, while you two were sharing pillow talks. How his laugh would erupt, flowing from your ears to the rest of your body, his good mood always influencing yours, always being able to put a smile on your face. 

It’s like your body can feel his touch still lingering on your skin, from all the nights when he lulled you to sleep while his hand would gently caress your back, your head lying on his chest, calming you down once you would focus on his steady breathing. “I need you back, even if you are going to wake up and still be mad at me - fuck, you have even more reasons to be angry at me now. You’re in this hospital bed because of me” - the realization hits you, not knowing how Lewis is going to react to all this once he wakes up. “But it’s fine. Even if you’re still angry, even if you give me the silent treatment, or even if you want to give me a piece of your mind. As long as you wake up, I’m fine with all that. I just don’t want to have a fight like this one ever again, Lew. Never” - you wipe some tears that are now dripping down your chin, threatening to spill onto the bed sheets. 

“I love you so much, Lewis. I am sorry, I am so fucking sorry for all this. For making it all about myself, for the fight, for the mean words I’ve said to you, for the crash. I never meant to say such horrible things, especially before a race. I didn’t even get to give you one last kiss before you got inside the car” - your heart shrinks, hurting like hell, like someone ripped it out of your chest and stepped on it over and over again.

“And believe me when I say this, but I could die right here, right now, knowing that you are suffering, that you are going through all this, that your mind was so messed up after our fight that you couldn’t even focus on your driving and you put your life on the line. I would rather be the one suffering, going through all of this instead of you. I would give you my life just so I could hear one of your belly laughs again” - your throat hurts from crying so hard, from the knot you feel around it, choking on your own emotions, making your mind feel like a sponge, a cloud with no ability to let go of the horrible images that you saw earlier. Your life doesn’t make sense without Lewis, and the thought of losing him destroys you completely. 

You make sure to stay by his side, sitting on that damn chair, next to his bed, for as long as it's needed - for as long as Lewis needs you. Your body feels electric due to all the anxiety pooling through it, and ever since the second that you saw his car crash, you feel like you have a difficult time breathing properly. You don’t even know what to do with yourself, so you just spend the entire time touching him, making sure that he is still there, his body so close yet so far from yours. You can't help but caress his face or arm even in the middle of the night, due to how hard it is for you to fall asleep - your brain keeps replaying the images from the accident inevitably. Somehow, you always end up falling asleep on your seat, your head down on the mattress in front of you, your fingers always gently intertwined with your husband’s - the only source of comfort you can find. 

Every morning, you wake up to the sound of the nurses walking inside the room, to check on Lewis’ levels, to change his medication, to retouch his IV’s. 

The nice ladies try to comfort you as much as they can, reassuring you that Lewis is making progress, that he will be okay, the doctors will bring him out of the coma in no time. But they also care about you, and they try to convince you to go home for a couple of hours, to take a warm bath, to sleep on a comfortable bed for a bit, instead of falling asleep on a chair. But you could never do that - what if Lewis decides to wake up for a moment when you’re not by his side? You don’t want him to immediately think that you abandoned him, that you didn’t care enough to stay after that stupid fight. 

It’s been five days since the accident. Everything is the same. The doctor says that Lewis is getting better, but the progress isn’t significant enough for them to take him out of his coma. For the past couple of days, you’re not the only one sleeping at the hospital - Lewis’ parents are there, as well as his best friends. The people that are closest to you and Lewis made sure to create this string of hope and love to wrap you two in, while also protecting you from the media and all the chaos surrounding it - feeding themselves off Lewis’ crash like vultures. 

Anthony, your father in law, actually cares about you as if you were his daughter, and he knows that you will listen to him. His hand goes to your shoulder, patting it gently as he sees your exhausted face, still looking at Lewis’ features, focusing on every little detail of him that you love so much. Your hand is still intertwined with his, like they’re glued together at this point. 

“Y/N, darling, why don’t you get up from this chair and go back home to take a nice shower and eat a warm meal? Hm?” - he says in a calm voice, the fatherly tone evident. 

You are quick to shake your head and you see the way that he nose contorts at your answer. “What if he wakes up?” - you wonder, some tears showing up on the corners of your eyes already. 

Anthony sighs, crouching down so he is eye level with you. “If he wakes up, you have my word that I will tell him about how you have never left this room in nearly a week now. Come on, sleeping on a chair and showering here with cold water isn’t right. You need some rest as well. We need to take care of ourselves now if we want to be capable of taking care of Lewis once he wakes up” - he tells you, and you know that he is right. The way you can barely keep your eyes open now, the terrible pain searing your back has been enough of an alarm, you’re just too stubborn to give in. 

With a small sigh, you decide to get up, landing a gentle yet long kiss on your husband’s forehead, touching the top of his head for a second before heading home. When your feet step outside the hospital for the first time in a week, the wind blows in your face, pulling your hair back, while the warm sun hits your figure, warming you up instantly. There’s a light breeze in the air, making you feel like it’s getting easier to breathe now, reminding you that there’s still so much to live - like a sign that everything will be alright. 

You drive home, thinking about the mess that your emotions are in. You can’t help but feel the remorse from leaving the hospital, even if you’re just heading home for like an hour, but there’s also a side of you that lets you know that maybe you need to let go of all that guilt, the negative thoughts that continue to consume you and look at this with new eyes, with light and hope in your heart. 

Your body surely can’t deny that the way the warm water hitting your skin does feel like the cure to all your problems, especially for the terrible back pain endured from sleeping on a chair for five days in a row. After your bath, you lay in bed, feeling sleepy, so you decide to take a nap, holding Lewis’ pillow next to you - it still smells like him, and that alone is enough to make tears swell in your eyes again, missing him terribly. But “everything is going to be fine” - you think to yourself, convincing your brain that the love of your life will be back home very soon. 

You can feel yourself drifting off to sleep in a matter of minutes, it’s like you’re being dragged by a wave, in the middle of the ocean - like you’re floating and you are as light as a feather, like the guilt you once felt, doesn’t weigh anything at all now.

As soon as you close your eyes, there’s only one thing in your mind: Lewis. At first, you start dreaming about lying beside him, cradling him in your arms and showering him in the purest form of love that you could ever give him - trying to make up for everything. You can see his face, his big smile, the one that’s so wide that makes his eyes look small in his face and that it could light up an entire room - it, for sure, is enough to light up your entire life. 

But then, it’s like your mind switches a button, and it creates a potential scenario of what can happen at the hospital, once Lewis wakes up. He doesn’t have a happy expression on his face when his eyes find yours. Instead, he is furious at you, and he makes sure to voice it. “You’re guilty about all this”, “this happened to me because of you”, the words echo in your head while you toss and turn on the bed, trying to escape your own mind now. You are covered in sweat, chills are running through your body while the nightmare persists, watching how Lewis is the one sending you away now, ordering you to get out of his hospital bedroom, making sure that he never has to see you again. 

Once you are finally able to open your eyes, you immediately get up, changing your clothes as you run back to the hospital - praying that your nightmare wasn’t a sign, that Lewis isn’t actually awake and really mad at you. It’s like you’re flying, trying to get there as soon as possible, and once you do, you let out a breath when you realize that nothing happened - he is still in his deep sleep, and you try your best not to show your altered state to anyone, going to grab a coffee from the vending machine. 

“You know you’re very transparent, right?” - Anthony’s voice sounds behind you, startling you from your thoughts. You look at him, furrowing your brows as if you have no idea of what he is talking about. 

“You need to let go of that guilt, kid” - he tells you, grabbing a coffee for himself as well, while trying to advise you the best he can. “The car crash wasn’t your fault. Stop holding that grudge so close to yourself.”

“But we had a fight-” - you try to explain. 

“I know, Y/N. You’ve told us about it already. And I keep telling you, what happened in that car wasn’t your fault. You had a fight before the race, you were both hot headed, but accidents happen. They can even happen without a fight, even with good luck rituals and everything. They can always happen, and you know that” - he says while lifting an eyebrow at you, reminding you of Lewis’ facial expressions so much now.

“But this only happened because he was furious, you also know that. He wasn’t focused because his mind was somewhere else” - you frown, your nightmare feeling too real now, like it’s itching your skin, afraid of what might happen once your safe haven wakes up.

“It could happen to any of us. I can crash my car while thinking about my grocery shopping list. We need to focus on the fact that he keeps making progress, and is now almost out of danger. Don’t blame yourself, and don’t be afraid. I know my son, but so do you. I have no doubts that he will only want to see you once he wakes up” - the way he sounds so sure gives you some confidence as well, like he is helping you take that weight off your chest.

In the blink of an eye, another week passes by. The small group that stayed at the hospital started taking turns, so that everyone could get some time to go home while never leaving Lewis alone. It’s crazy how a hospital room can feel a little like home now. Friends and family have sent your husband cards, ‘get well soon’ balloons, his nephews made some adorable drawings for their uncle, sending him all the love and positive energies so he could get better even faster. So, now, the space has more color to it, feels cozier when you are all there, near him, praying for his recovery.

And each time you would come back to his room, you would make sure to tell him about everything you’ve seen on your way home - even about this stupid TV AD that you find so annoying and it keeps playing non stop on every channel. 

You never stop talking to him, even if there’s a chance that he can’t hear you - it brings you some peace to think that you are keeping him updated on each thing that’s been happening in his absence. “You are probably so tired of hearing me and my stupid stories, but I can keep cracking silly jokes as well if you’d like” - you giggle slightly as your fingers run through his features. It came to a point where you don’t cry anymore - you are really trying your hardest to fight your mind on this, and the positive updates that the doctor keeps giving you everyday on Lewis’ state of health helps a lot. 

“We consider that his current state is stable enough for us to start reducing his medication, which means that he is going to gradually come to himself. It’s safe to say that he can wake up anytime now” - the medical team informs you, and it’s like the clouds surrounding all your heads as a group are slowly, but surely, lifting, letting some rays of sun and hope in. 

It’s been two weeks since the accident, and the anticipation of Lewis being able to wake up anytime now makes none of you want to leave the hospital. Still, you try your best to stick to your plan of taking turns, and you make sure to be extra fast once it’s your turn to go home, dreading the thought of Lewis waking up while you’re away.

Today was just one of those times when you showered at the speed of light, running back to the hospital as fast as you could. You don’t know why, but you have this feeling about today - you can’t explain it, but the way you woke up with a sprinkle of anxiety pooling in your stomach since early in the morning, makes you believe that something is about to happen.

You try to prepare yourself, hoping that today will be the day when the love of your life will finally wake up, and you will be able to look into his chocolate eyes and melt into them like it was the first time. 

“Hello, my love. I’m back” - you announce when you walk inside the room again, kissing his forehead before sighing softly as you sit down beside his bed once again - a routine that you know all too well now. 

Your hand grabs his own like it usually happens, except for the fact that his arm is missing a lot of IV tubes now, feeling lighter and giving you more space to caress his skin with your fingers. “I just came back from home, I went there and took a nice shower - don’t worry, I don’t want to be all stinky once you wake up” - you smile softly at your own silly words. It’s incredible how you managed to regain your calm and patience during this situation, like there’s an angel on your shoulder, reassuring you that everything will, in fact, turn out alright. 

“What can I tell you now that I haven’t told you already, ehm…” - you think for a second. “Oh, Roscoe keeps growling at me whenever I enter our place and he notices that you’re not coming inside beside me, like you usually do. I think he knows that you’re not just away for work, it’s like he also can feel that something is wrong. He is more quiet than usual, with a sad expression on his face, it’s painful to watch actually. But he almost bite me this morning when I was preparing his food, so I think you already have problems to solve at home with your son once you're back” - you inform him, a glimpse of humor and lightness surrounding your voice as you pick some braids that were on the front of Lewis’ face. 

“Did Miles mess with your hair again? God damn, let me get these out of your face, I know they itch your nose sometimes” - you say as you carefully adjust his hair, paying extra attention while touching his head. 

As you loosen the grip that your hand has on his own, so you can use both of your hands to touch his hair, you feel a grip on your fingers - like Lewis is begging you not to leave his touch. You immediately freeze in place, your eyes widen and your mouth agape as you stand in place, not daring to move an inch.

And yet again, you feel his fingers gripping your hand. “Baby?” - you call, carefully looking at his features, trying to find more movement or signs coming from his body. You notice that his breathing is not sounding as peaceful as it used to, it’s becoming shallow and less regular now, like he is trying to wake up. 

You pay attention to him, not knowing what to do now. Your body can’t even bring you to move, to call a nurse or a doctor, you just stare at the small reactions that his body is giving you. You just move your other hand to carefully touch Lewis’ face, caressing his beard and cheek the way you know he loves so much - trying to get him to react even more to your touch. 

His hand is still grabbing yours, applying more bits of strength little by little. “Lew, love, I’m here” - you tell him, and slowly, his eyes start to open. Your heart starts running in your chest, the emotion of seeing your husband waking up now being too much to handle. Still, you try to keep your composure - even with tears flooding your eyes by the moment, he needs you more than ever now, and you need to be here for him. 

His eyes stare at you, shining a light of its own as he pays attention to every little detail on your face, like he has gone too long without seeing you - in fact, he has. 

“I’m going to call a doctor, okay love?” - you tell him, and you realize that he is trying to nod his head at you, slightly doing the movement. 

Once the medical team enters the room, they immediately rush to Lewis’ side, running a bunch of physical tests on him to check his current state. Soon, the doctor starts asking him questions. 

“Mr. Hamilton, can you hear me?” - the doctor asks, and you see Lewis nodding his head again, with a more fluid movement now. 

“Do you recall what happened?” - another question. You are watching all this from the corner of the room, where you keep quiet so as not to interrupt the doctors.

This time, you finally hear Lewis’ voice. “A crash…” - his voice sounds thick and deep, failing him a bit as if his throat is feeling dry. The fact that he still remembers the crash makes a lump form on your throat, not ready to hear him mentioning it right away.

You take a deep breath, watching how the team takes Lewis away from you, so they can run some more exams on him. Everybody is ecstatic to hear that he is finally awake, and you are too. You swear that you are. It’s just that you aren’t ready to talk about all of this again, but you know you have to. You don’t want to clog his brain with a bunch of information right away, but you want to, at least, apologize. 

So, when Lewis is back in his room, the whole group reunites to see him. He is immediately engulfed in love by his parents, who gently hug him. He is still a bit off, he feels slow and tired, but he is trying his best to process everything. 

The feeling of relief washing over you as you see your husband smiling again, talking to his family and friends is priceless, and the bright aura surrounding the room is unmatched. But now, you are behind everyone else, staying by yourself in a corner while everyone else gets their chance to talk to Lewis - you already had yours, you had the privilege to witness his awakening, so it’s only fair if you let the rest of the group enjoy their time with him as well. 

But after Lewis speaks to everyone, he turns his attention to you, his eyes scan the room, landing on you. He gives you a soft smile, while holding out his hand for you. “Come here”, he tells you, and your body automatically follows his voice.

You stand next to his bed, giving him a small smile as he pats the space beside him on the mattress, inviting you to sit down. You do, and his free hand immediately reaches to caress your cheek while you two stay silent, just looking each other in the eyes. 

“Can we get a minute alone, please?” - Lewis asks everyone else in the room, who complies with his question, leaving you two alone. 

You stay silent, not really knowing what to stay - nor where to start, but it seems like Lewis knows everything that he wants to tell you. 

“I missed you” - he smiles at you, his hand never leaving your features, softly touching your skin, almost as if to make sure that you are real. 

“I missed you too” - you reply, gently kissing his hand as he holds it near your lips. 

There’s another moment of silence lingering between your bodies, the type that scares you, afraid and insecure of what he might say next - capable of drowning your brain in your own anxiety now, and it’s like he can read your mind. 

“It wasn’t your fault” - is the only phrase leaving his mouth, making you furrow your eyebrows. You just shook your head quietly, not ready to talk about this, but denying his words. It really was your fault, you are sure that it was. 

“No, baby, it wasn’t. I wasn’t fair to you either, I was hot headed, the whole weekend had been a fiasco for me already - nothing good could’ve come out of it. I want you to stop blaming yourself for all this, this is all on me. I was the one hopping on that car knowing that I wasn’t in the right condition to race, I was the one not paying attention to my driving nor the car. I would never blame this on you, my love” - his words are slow, but concise, and you can only lean your head on his shoulder, while your sobs take advantage of you now. 

Lewis lets you vent, caressing your back softly while silencing your cries. 

“Shhh, it’s fine, baby. It’s okay. I am okay, we are okay” - he looks you in the eyes again, slowly moving his face to meet your lips with his own, reassuring you that, in fact, he doesn’t hold any grudge against you - like you feared so badly. 

“I love you, I’m sorry” - you tell him, and the look he gives you - of tenderness, happy to be able to hold you again, to talk to you, to make amends, says everything. 

“I love you even more. And I’m sorry as well, I was fucking stupid” - he pecks the tip of your nose, making you giggle slightly, thinking about how badly you missed him, and how you are lucky enough to be in his arms again. 

You stay by his side, gently touching the parts of his body that aren’t injured - being especially careful with his broken shoulder. 

“So, I need to have a conversation with our son, huh? Biting you while you were feeding him? Sounds ungrateful” - Lewis tells you, making you both laugh in unison. 

“He’s been acting so angry and moody that I fear that he might bite off your good shoulder” - you tell him with irony, making Lewis giggle even more - the sound erupting in your heart, making a garden of wild flowers grow inside of you, where all the butterflies that he gives you are safely kept. 

And a few days later, Lewis was finally released from the hospital, allowed to continue his treatments at home. The man couldn’t hold the excitement inside of him, feeling like a little kid on the way home, eager to see his four pawed son, and to finally sleep in your shared bed, where he can finally hold you close. 

That’s exactly what happens. Roscoe immediately melts into a puddle of pats and licks once he sees Lewis, who could spend hours on end just playing with his dog. After having lunch, you bring the dog to the bedroom with you, watching Lewis’ figure peacefully lying on the bed, waiting for you to join him. 

With Roscoe lying by his feet and your head gently nestled in his chest, Lewis can finally sigh contently, and you can too - the nightmare finally ended, after weeks of living a whirlwind of emotions. Now, your heart feels lighter than air again - a feeling that only Lewis can provide you with his love, security and protection. It’s time to walk into the light again, hand in hand with the love of your life, who couldn’t be happier to be back in his safe place. 

He knows that he is in great hands, knowing for sure that you will take such good care of him, like you always do - and he realizes that heaven is not a place above the sky, but instead, is the depth of this moment, the peace prevailing in his chest and mind, as he forgets all the chaos, grateful to be in the presence of his family. 

[haleswallows]

I've Been the Forest and the Fire (and the Witness Watching It) DC x DP Dead on Main (Jason Todd/Danny Fenton) Teen Soulmates AU

Teaser:

The asshole is in the manor.

Which. Of course, he is. Because he’s Jason’s soulmate and he decked the guy. It was entirely justified, but it’s still assault and that has to be sorted. Jason glared at Alfred with eyes shining from unshed tears when Tim finally managed to signal for the old butler. It took one look at the matching swollen knuckles and bruises before Alfred’s shoulders slumped.

And wasn’t that a sight. Jason can’t think of a single time Alfred has lost his stiff posture, let that stoic façade slide. There’s a grief in the way he focuses on Jason. But then he’s back to business – standing tall and ushering them all outside and to the car. Even the asshole.

Jason can't help but notice the asshole is taller than him. Built. It only makes him angrier.

Awkward. That’s the only word for the half-hour drive to the manor. An ugly frown twists Jason’s face the entire time. The asshole picks at the skin around his nails while Tim watches him with a blank expression and sharp eyes that speaks to a scheming Jason is sure will end in bodily harm.

Bruce’s sigh back at the manor still hasn’t managed to make him feel guilty. The opposite, really. Jason feels righteous even as he's sent away to his room and asked softly to rest with a hand brushing over his bruised jaw. The steel in Bruce's posture isn't a surprise, even though he's nothing but gentle to Jason. Because, whoever this asshole is? Bruce isn’t letting the guy get away without answering some questions.

Namely, what the fuck he’s been doing to turn their soulbond into a Geneva Convention violation.

So.

The asshole is in one of the more ‘public friendly’ drawing rooms. It’s still bugged to hell and back, that’s for certain. And Jason guesses he’ll negotiate himself down the steep stairs into the Cave at some point in the near future to watch the footage. Get some of those answers Bruce is sure to extract out of the asshole.

It feels like a big to-do over a fat lot of nothing. Even Dick is on his way back to Gotham for the night to help with patrols. More like Batman Babysitting Duty to keep Bruce from beating someone to death if he’s even half as angry as Jason feels. Alfred’s hovering somewhere. He’s always hovering somewhere. It’s an even toss-up on any given day if that’s going to piss Jason off, or make him feel soft and affectionate. If Alfred dares to pop into his room just now, Jason doesn’t honestly know which way he’ll go right now.

Tim hums low, pressing his back into Jason’s shins where he’s sitting in the giant plush armchair in his room. Comfy as if it’s his own room. Might as well be, with how much time Tim spends in here with him sometimes. The tablet in his hands is open on some sort of DMV page. Jason glances at it but goes back to his staring out the window. Mind blank, he turns a lighter over and over in his hands.

He’d quit smoking. That day all those years ago when he’d collapsed under a metric shit-ton of pain.

He’s still under that metric shit-ton of pain.

Jason doesn’t do self-pity. Jason does anger and resentment and grudge-holding like he’s got something to prove. Maybe he does. Maybe he has something to prove to himself that some asshole who didn’t even know he existed isn’t going to be the defining fact of his life. ‘Jason, Benched Robin, Shitty Soulmate’ isn’t what he signed up for.

It isn't going to be his epitaph.

He’s tired of being in pain. He’s tired of being beholden to some asshole.

Jason sighs. Tim tilts his head, bird-like and curious. A wordless prompt if Jason wants to talk about it. Or just an acknowledgment of how bullshit this all is. He shifts when Jason taps his shoulder and watches closely as he stands. But says nothing, not even when Jason does grab his cane this time.

Learning to use a cane had been a curious thing. Jason didn’t even know there was a proper way to use one. What was more fun was the cane-centric self defense training. Apparently, being visibly disabled makes him more of a target of battery assault. Not that Jason was ever by himself in public to use it.

But Bruce likes his contingencies.

Everything is so far in the manor. Luckily, Jason finds them in the second drawing room he checks. It’s the opulent one and he nearly snorts. Of course, Bruce picked this one. An overt and unsubtle flex of the absurd wealth behind the Wayne name. The asshole wears ratty sneakers and jeans worn thin at the knees – it's definitely an obvious tactic to use on someone far from the upper crust.

There’s a low murmur of the asshole’s voice behind the door. It cuts off when Jason presses it open.

In a flash, Bruce is up and across the room. Hovering, hands not quite touching. Afraid to grip and cause pain. Jason leans into his dad for a moment.

“Chum, what’re you doing? You should be —."

“Go away,” he says. To which, the asshole flinches and looks like he’s scoping out the nearest escape route. Jason rolls his eyes. “Fuck off, old man. I want to talk to the asshole.”

(Find the rest on ao3)

[proudahgase-exol]

𝘾𝙖𝙣’𝙩 𝙠𝙚𝙚𝙥 𝙢𝙮 𝙝𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙮

Summary: San becomes friends with one of Ateez backup dancers they became really close to the point were he tell her everything you get mad and suspicious thinking that he’s cheating on you.

Warning: cussing, mention of cheating

Ps: sorry for the wrong spellings 😰

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙༺♥༻❀༺♥༻ ͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺

Your pov

 

"Yeah, well, I’ll see you later.” San said, as I was still standing next to him.

 

“Don’t tell me you forgot, dummy." Mandy said, teasing

 

“Forgot what?” San asked in confession, looking between Mandy and me.

 

“We agree to go out for a few drinks tomorrow night with some of your members and backup dancers,” she replied, smiling.

 

“Ah yes, I’ll be there, then see you tomorrow, then bye." said, as he tried to take my hand in his

 

As I pulled my hand away from San, I began to walk to his car and got in before he could open the door for me. I was so pissed off and couldn’t believe what I just heard a second ago.

 

On the drive back to our place, San tried to make a conversation with me, but I was just ignoring him, not in the mood to talk to him. When we got home, I got out of the car as soon as possible and walked into our shared bedroom, where I pulled a bag out and started to pack a few things to spend the night with a friend.

 

“Hey baby, what’s up with you? Are you mad? Did I do something wrong?” San asked, confused.

 

“I’m staying with a friend for the night." I said it coldly.

 

“Why? What’s wrong?” he asked, clueless.

 

“I don’t know, San. Maybe it is the fact that I spend all day being ignored or the fact that you forgot that tomorrow is a really important day for me at last,” I said, being passively aggressive.

 

“If you're mad because I’m going out with Mandy and the other, I can cancel and go do whatever we were going to do,” he said, trying to make the situation better.

 

“You know fucking well, I don’t care if you go with the guys or your backup dancer, but you forgot something,” I said, getting pissed by the second

 

“Is it because I’m close friends with Mandy? Are you really jealous of her?” He said he was laughing.

 

"Yes, San, yes, I'm fucking jealous of the bitch you go to whenever we get into a fight or for any other reason. I don’t know why you have the need to tell that bitch about our marriage. Why do you always go to her for comfort?” I said, trying not to cry.

 

“I need someone to talk to who can hear me, and I can’t do that with you,” he said, rolling his eyes.

 

"Ah, so you tell her how shitty of a wife I’m? Or how can't I pleasure you in bed anymore? Or that I can’t keep you happy any more." I asked, letting some tears flow.

 

“I tell her a few things, but never personal stuff,” he replied.

 

“If your telling her about our marriage, it's personal, why do you tell her everything you intend to come to me and tell me I can’t make you happy anymore or that I can’t make you cum anymore? Why do you have to tell her that?" I said, yelling at him.

 

“I don’t know, okay, it just feels good to tell someone else what I feel,” he replied.

 

“Okay cool, you know what fuck you, I’m done. I’m so done being the butt if the joke from now on, your a free man. Choi San, you are free to do whatever you please. You are free to finally have your way with your precious little Mandy,” I said, walking up to the front door.

 

“What are you talking about?” he asked, confused.

 

"Oh, don’t act stupid. I can see the way you look at her, the way you used to look at me. I can tell you like her from the way you have to impress her or how you went all out for her birthday. You didn’t even put in an effort for my birthday,” I said, pointing at his chest.

 

“Of course I did. I took you out to your favorite restaurant. We ate sushi, don’t you remember? Then we went out for a movie,” he tried to justify for himself.

 

"San, I hate sushi, and I didn’t want to go to the movies either; you didn’t even say happy birthday that day,” I said defiantly.

 

“But you don’t have to worry about me anymore. You can finally take your chance with her. You can finally date the girl of your dreams here. I won’t be needing this anymore." I said, pulling my wedding ring out of my purse, placing it on his palm, bringing my bag, and walking out of the house.

 

San pov

 

When she closed the door, I fell to my knees. I felt like the biggest asshole. I lost the love of my life, all because I was trying to impress a girl when I already had what I wanted and needed.

 

I looked at her weeding ring, and I started to cry. I was so stupid for doing everything I’ve done without knowing I was hurting my wife. I stayed on the floor for god knows how long, then made my way to the bedroom, where I fell asleep crying.

 

The next day I went to work, but I was cold and distant to anyone who got near me. Seonghwa got worried and took me to the side and asked me what was wrong, and I told him everything that happened. Hoonjoog was also there, and he looked disappointed.

 

As the day continued, Wooyoung was giving me an attitude, and I was fed up, so I asked him what his problem was.

 

“What’s your problem? Why are you being an asshole?” I asked angrily.

 

“I didn’t know why you sped up the night crying at my girlfriend’s place. Tell us how much she hates  you." Wooyoung said he was pissed.

 

“What happens in my marriage is none of your business, and why did she have to go and tell her about our problems?” I asked, annoyed.

 

“I don’t know; maybe it’s the same reason why you go to Mandy and Bitch about Y/N. Yeah, I overheard you talking about her and how she couldn’t make you cum and how unhappy you were with your sex and married life,” Wooyoung said angrily. “By the way, she also knows about what you said; she was there too.”

 

I just stood there looking at all the guys; they looked disappointed and confused. I knew I had messed up, but I didn’t know what to do anymore. I didn’t even know if I could fix anything. I was so embarrassed, so I just turned around, left the studio, and made my way home.

 

When I got home, I felt something off, like I was forgetting something. I started to remember the first night, and I remembered what y/n had said about an important date, so I checked my phone calendar, and there it was: today was our third-year anniversary.

 

I knew I couldn’t do anything about it, even if I tried. I knew she wouldn’t want to see me, and I don’t blame her. I did this to myself. Now I have to find a way to fix my marriage.

 

 

Mandy pov

 

Today was the day some of the ateez members and Bcakup dancers would go out for some drinks, and I was excited to meet with San.

 

I knew he was married, but what he had told me was that he was unhappy in the marriage and that he regretted marrying his wife. At first, I thought it was a joke because they both seemed really happy together, but as time went on, I started to see what he meant.

 

San and I grew closer as he would come to me when he wanted to talk about his problems, and as time went on, I started to flirt with him, and he didn’t try to stop me, so I continued.

 

I kind of feel bad for his wife, but I couldn’t help myself. I liked the attention San was giving me, and although he never tried anything with me, I wish he had, but I knew he didn’t want to cheat on you.

 

Now I was getting ready to go meet everyone at the bar we agreed on, and I noticed how Seonghwa and Mingi were acting wired, and when I tried to engage in the conversation, they would ignore me.

 

I soon got bored and asked Wooyoung where San was, and his reply was cough me of gard.

 

“Goddamnit, can’t you stop? Can’t you stop being a pick me bitch?” Wooyoung said angrily, “Because of you, my two best friends might get divorced. Because of you, my best friend is crying her eyes out in my girlfriend’s apartment because of you. You don’t feel like she was good enough for San.”

 

“What do you mean by getting a divorce?” And why are you blaming me if she was the one who couldn’t keep him  happy?" I defended myself, then Mingi turned and began to talk.

 

“He was dumb; he was not thinking straight; he actually loves his wife. Now he regrets befriending you and losing her. He thought he wasn’t happy with her, but just a day without her is eating him alive. So Mandy, if you ever thought you could get a chance with San, well, you are wrong because San loves you. Even if they get into really bad fights, he will always choose her." Mingi added, trying to keep his anger down.

 

“Ill admit he was tempted by you; he was interested in you, but he never made an effort to try to seduce you; he never tried to cheat on you with you; he was acting dumb, and there’s no excuse for that. Now he regrets it deeply; he’s scared of losing his wife for good. So if I were you, I would try not to come across either of them." Seonghwa said calmly

 

I was so embarrassed for what they told me, so I just got up and left. I walked around the park for a bit and sat down on an empty bench. I didn’t know what to do. I really thought San would like me and leave you for me, but after hearing how much he loves her and how hurt he was, I started to feel like an asshole.

 

I took my phone out and tried to call San, but it went right to voicemail. I texted him, but he left me on hold for a few minutes. Then I got a message from him telling me he doesn’t want to see me ever again.

 

I feel bad. I could tell he was really upset, and all because of me, I try to think of something to fix everything, so I send a text to you, hoping she could talk to me.

 

Mandy: hello y/n  I heard what happened to you and San, and I was hoping we could talk.

 

Y/N: And why should we talk? You want to brag it on my face and tell me you won; tell me you could make my husband happier than I ever could.

 

Mandy: No, I want to apologize for my actions and try to help you fix your marriage.

 

Y/N: I don’t think there’s anything to save anymore; he made it clear last night.

 

Mandy: Please just hear me out; it won’t take long, I promise.

 

Y/N: Fine, meet me at the coffee place by KQ tomorrow morning.

 

Mandy: okay

 

The next day, I walked to the coffee shop that was closed by the KQ building and sat down in the back, where we could have some privacy.

 

After twenty minutes, Y/N finally arrived. She looked really bad, like she hadn’t slept in a while, but she still managed to look good. I could see why San liked her.

 

When she walked up to me, she looked like she wanted to hit me, but I guess she held herself back. She sat down in front of me and waited for me to say something.

 

I was nervous. I didn’t want to say something that would make everything worse, and although I should be happy that her and San were getting divorced, I felt bad because I could now see how deeply they love each other, and I was just standing in the way, so I had to make everything right. I wanted San to be happy, and his happiness was with you.

 

“I heard what you and San are going through, and I’m sorry it was because of me. I was selfish and not thinking of the harm I was doing you,” I said nervously.

 

“Did you and my husband sleep together?” She asked coldly.

 

"God, no, of course he would never do that,” I said in shock.

 

“You seem to know a lot about him, so tell me how many things he told you. Did he say I was a shit wife? Did he say I couldn’t sexually please him?” She said she was pissed.

 

“He didn’t say it like that; he was just angry; he didn’t mean it; he just said you couldn’t keep him happy like he wanted, and I agree, so I try to do what you didn't, I guess." I said I was scared of her reaction.

 

"Ah, so you also think I couldn’t keep my husband happy? Were you planning on sleeping with him? Did it make you happy that he was going to you instead of his wife?” She asked angrily.

 

“At first I did want to sleep with him, and I tried to, but he never noticed what I was doing; his mind was always on you. Every conversation we had was about you, and now that I think back, I can see that you were never the problem,” I said, looking at her.

 

"Well, it doesn’t matter anymore; our marriage is over, so you can get your change with him. I’m just upset that I was a terrible wife. I made him think he couldn’t talk to me about his feelings, and instead he went to you. I guess all this is my fault. I lost him when I should have been more attentive with him,” she said, crying.

 

“Yeah, this is not your fault; it’s his and mine. You should talk to him, talk things out, and work on your marriage. I know there’s still hope to fix it, and I hope you do. I’m sorry I came in between you guys. I can see he truly loves  you." I told her sincerely.

 

After that conversation, y/n left without saying anything else, and I just sat there feeling guilty. She was a nice person; she never treated me badly, not even when I flirted with her husband right in front of her. She didn’t deserve what’s happening, and I just hope she can work things out with San.

 

Guilt was eating me up. I might have sounded so pathetic for trying to get with a married man and now trying to help them get on good terms.

 

 

 

Y/n pov

 

When I left the coffee shop, I didn’t know what to think or what to do, so I just walked back to my friend's apartment and told her what Mandy said. She told me to think about what I wanted to do to take some time and not rush things, and she also told me I could stay with her for as long as I needed to.

 

After thinking about it for a while, I thought she was joking or that she was finding some sort of satisfaction in what was happening. But I just ignored it and tried not to think about it.

 

After a week, I was feeling better. I was still with my friend, and I haven’t talked to nor seen San since that night. Wooyoung didn’t like to talk about San because every time he would get pissed.

 

It was until almost three weeks when Seonghwa called me worried; he had texted me first, telling me I needed to pick up the phone because it was urgent. When he called, it was around two in the morning.

 

(on the phone)

Haw🥰:y/n  Sorryy to wake youup,p but you need to come to yours and San’s place. He’s not beeneating,g and he’s been drinking nonestop.pHee also beatMingi.i

 

You: Why is he drunk? Why is he acting up?

 

Haw🥰:Hee’s been crying andbreakingg stuff since the night you lefthim;m he’s only beendrinking,g and we don’t know what to do withhim.mAlll he’s sayingiss thatit'ss his fault that he lostyou,u andthat's whys he wants to see youagain.n

 

You: Well, I don’t want to see him; he’s been acting like an asshole and expects me to be cool about it.

 

Haw🥰: Iknow,w but he really needsyou.uPleasee come and help us calm himdown.nIff you don’t want to see him everagain,n weunderstand,d but just thisonce.e

 

You: Fine, I’ll be there in twenty, but you own me.

 

 

After the phone call, I got up, changed, and made my way to San’s place. I was kind of worried about him; he wasn’t a drinker, but he can still drink a shot of tequila, so I knew this was serious.

 

When I got to the apartment, I could hear the guys trying to calm San down; they were so loud that I could hear them from outside.

 

When I got to the door, I pulled my key and entered, and I saw the mess.

 

There were plates, clothes, and bottles everywhere. I could see picture frames around the place as well, and I heard sobbings coming from the bedroom, so I made my way up there.

 

The guys were outside the bedroom looking worried. They turned around and saw me. They ran up to me and asked me to help them.

 

I nodded and asked them to wait in the living room while I talked to San. I saw them as they walked away, then I turned to the bedroom door, took a deep breath, and tuned the nob to enter.

 

 

When I walked in, I saw that the room was messy and dark. I walked up to where San was and saw that he was crying, so I sat down to meet his legs and started talking to him.

 

“Hey San, let’s get you cleaned up and get you to bed; it’s late,” I said.

 

“I don’t want to. I need to fix my mistake. I need to call Y/N and ask her to take me back,” he said in between sobs.

 

“I know, but it’s late and you need to sleep. How about you sleep for a bit, then when you wake up, I’ll let you talk to her?” I asked him.

 

“Are you sure you promised me that? I really want to talk to her at last one last time because she decides to throw me out of her life,” he asked, hopeful.

 

“I promise, now go to sleep; the guys are worried sick,” I replied.

 

"Okay,” he whispered, “I hope she wants to talk. I miss her so much. I made a big mistake.”

 

"Okay, now sleep. I’ll tell the guys that you're good now, okay?" I said as I watched him cover himself.

 

After I made sure he was asleep, I walked out of the room, closed the door slowly, and made my way to the living room, where the guys were.

 

“Is he asleep now?”

 

“Is he okay?”

 

“Are you leaving?”

 

The guys began to ask as soon as they saw me enter the living room. I walked to one of the empty seats, sat down, and began to talk.

 

“He’s okay now; he’s sleeping, so there's nothing to worry about. You guys can go home now that it’s late,” I replied.

 

“What about you? Are you also leaving?” Hongjoong asked

 

“I’ll stay to clean up and wait for San to wake up so we can talk,” I replied.

 

“Do you want one of us to stay with you and help you clean?" Yeosang asked, looking around the room.

 

“I’ll stay and help her; you guys can go back home." Seonghwa replied, getting up from where he was sitting.

 

“I’ll stay, and I’ll help you guys clean." Jongho said

 

"Okay, grate, call us if you guys need anything; we’ll see you later." Mingi said, getting up and walking to the door.

 

After the rest of the guys left, Seonghwa and Jongho started cleaning up the stairs, and I cleaned the living room.

 

After an hour of cleaning, we were done, and I told the guys to go home and I'd stay the night in the guest bedroom, but Jongho insisted on staying in case I needed him, so I eventually agreed.

 

The next day, I woke up early and made breakfast soon after Jongho woke up, and we ate together before he left for work.

 

Once he left, I stayed behind. After I cleaned up the plates, I sat down in the living room, thinking of whether I should stay till San woke and talked or if I should leave, but I was interrupted by San walking down the stairs.

 

When I looked up, San was standing in the doorway of the living room, looking at me in shock.

 

“Yeah, you actually here. I thought I was hallucinating when I saw you last night,” he said as he took my hand in his

 

“The guys had called me because you were shitface drunk and they couldn’t handle you anymore." I said I was unimpressed.

 

"Shit, I know I have just been feeling like shit these past few days, and I missed you. The only way I could forget about everything was by getting drunk, but I guess I made it worse because it made me miss you even more,” he said in a broken tone.

 

“You need to stop drinking and apologize to the guys; they have to deal with you all the time. I swear Seonghwa was so stressed last night,” I replied back.

 

“We are not getting a divorce, right? Please tell me you won’t walk out of here. I can’t lose you. You have everything I want and need,” he said ignoring what I said as he walked up to me and got on his knees and begged.

 

"San, get up, please, and go take a shower. You stink so much of alcohol,” I said, getting up from the couch and pulling him up by his arms.

 

"No, unless you tell me you’ll be here when I get out of the bathroom, please promise you will stay here and wait so we can talk so I can win you back,” he really said, with home behind his sad eyes.

 

"Sure, fine, go. I’ll make you something to eat in the mean time,” I said, walking to the kitchen.

 

When San left, I made some soup to help with the hangover, placed a bowl on the dining table, and sat across from him and waited for San.

 

A few minutes passed, and San walked in, sat across from me, and began to eat in silence, but I could feel him looking at me once in a while.

 

After he was done, he took his place in the sink, walked back to his seat, and began talking.

 

 

“Yeah, I know what I did was wrong. I shouldn’t have gone to another woman and talked to her about our problems. I shouldn’t have let myself get carried away with her. I messed up and I hurt you so much, and it kills me to know that you might ask me for divorce, and I won’t blame you.” He said he was fidgeting with his fingers.

 

“My only question is, why did you go to her and why didn’t you talk to me instead? Did I make you feel like I couldn’t trust me?” I asked, looking at him.

 

“To be honest, it was because I’m stupid. I thought if I talked to someone else, they might know what I should do, but I was completely wrong,” he said, ashamed of himself.

 

“Did I not make you happy enough? Was I not a good enough wife for you? Did you at any point have feelings for her?” I asked, feeling insecure.

 

“Oh no, of course not. I never had feelings for her; she was only a friend, and you are an amazing wife, the best wife in the world. It’s me, the one who’s been a bad husband. I’m so sorry, baby. I feel like shit for hurting the most important person to me.”

He said he was stretching his hand out to me.

 

“Y/n baby, please give me a second chance, and I'll promise to be a good husband. I’ll never hurt you or ever gain. I can’t have you away from me for too long; it’s hurting me too much. I’m so sorry, princess. Please forgive me,” he said as he squeezed my hand.

 

“It’s going to take a while for me to fully forgive you. I still feel hurt, but I’ll take you back if you promise me to go to couples therapy because we really need it,” I said, giving him a small smile.

 

"Yes, of course, I’ll do anything for you. I’ll also promise you that I’m the husband you deserve, and I’ll never screw up again. I’m scared to lose you, so I’ll do anything not to lose the love of my life,” he said, standing up and walking up to me and hugging me.

 

I truly knew he would change because I could see through him and tell that he regrets what he did, and that’s good enough for me. I know that by taking our stuff out, we’ll be better and not have any more problems. I believe in him.

I hope you enjoy it I liked it up until the end let me know what you think I’ll do better next time I have another Fic that I’m working on. I’m the future I might come back and edit it but for now that is how it will stay.

[aita-polls]

Am I (28f) the ah for not caring for my husband's child? (Sorry, the context here is really long)

I met my husband (28m) as freshmen in college. We were both 19 and in nursing school, & we were very close. We studied together every day and went to frat parties and flirted occasionally and did all the things stupid college kids do. He helped me through several really awful depressive spells, and I nursed him after a car accident and his subsequent painkiller addiction.

After we graduated, we started dating. Then I switched to an acting career and moved several states away for job opportunities, so we did long distance. Then we had to keep doing long distance because of the pandemic. During this time, he got fired, so he moved in with his two best friends to save on rent. Similarly, a lot of people in my apartment building were getting COVID, so I blew all of my savings on a tiny, shitty little loft to be isolated. In hindsight, it was a terrible decision.

When quarantine ended, he drove out to propose to me. I was shocked, but I said yes. We decided that we would have to keep living separately and have a long engagement for financial reasons and because of my job. He went back home, and like a week later, I stopped hearing from him. (I later found out that he had asked one of his roommates to let me know what was going on.)

I found out from his other roommate that he had adopted his sister's newborn son. She was and still is in a vicious cycle of addiction, going in and out of jail and rehab, and she was just in no place to care for a child. I understand why he adopted his nephew, but it really threw a wrench in my life plans. I had always planned on being child-free. I'm not good with children. Anyway, my fiance got a job as a 911 operator and settled into life as a parent, and I found some semblance of stability in my acting career. I also opened a tattoo parlor out of my loft and got a side gig as a content creator, all while driving out to my fiance's every other weekend to see him and help him out with life and his kid and plan our wedding.

We got married this December in his state over his Christmas break. My semi-estranged, formerly abusive parents came. Apparently, they didn't know he had a kid (who's now 2), even though I'm pretty sure I've told them. Ever since, because I'm still living in my loft, they've been messaging me non-stop about my "neglecting my poor baby" and "being a terrible mother".

I do not feel that this child is mine. I only see him every other weekend, and while I do love him and care about him, I don't play a parental role in his life. I have no biological or adoptive relationship to him-I'm his stepmom at best and his uncle's long-distance wife at worst. Also, this is not a child that is uncared for. He is raised and provided for very well by my husband, his extended family, and the roommates. So, AITA for not abandoning my busy life to act like this kid's stepmom?

[your-queer-dad]

dad! I talked to the princapal and got the right name on some papers and also he said he’d talk to all the staff

later that day a different teacher came up to me and pulled me asided and asked me if she was the one who misgendered me she was really worried and said if she did she’s sorry and she asked if I was ok and stuff she’s alright sometimes I wish it was all the time

anyway back to the shitty teacher she’s just been avoiding me I think I haven’t heard her talk about me or to me the entire while

the principal said that none of this was on purpose but like bro she’s been screaming and misgendering and she’ll be super ableist and visibly homophobic not letting boys sit near eachother and saying how like boys can’t have stuffed animals and we’re to old for itshit whenever we’d bring toys to school but she lets the girls do it! and she’ll go on rants about how boys shouldn’t to this or be this etc and how girls can’t act like this blah blah blah and it’s like hell yeah she meant it the fuck

anyway she’s either lying to him or he’s covering for her either way this is annoying he kept trying to like idk smooth it over and it’s like dude I don’t need to be best friends with her just tell her to stop being a massive pile of shit

also I got my blood drawn and they kept deadnaming me and saying how oh well when you get your name legally changed then we can call you whatever you want. And it’s like sure but you could also call me my name right now motherfucker. My mom made a comment like only a couple more months because I’ll be turning eighteen soon and I called her out cause she does this thing where she pretends to be a good mom and a ally in public but actually she’s been keeping me from transitioning and she sent me terf books and called me a demon spawn and threatens me like all the time etc and then in the car after the appointment in the car I told her she’s making excuses for the nurses and they didn’t have to deadname me and then she got mad like really fucking mad and she went all quiet and started driving crazy like dangerous crazy she does that a lot and it’s a miracle she hasn’t gotten me in a car crash I’m at home now I know she’s not safe not just from the car thing just in general she’s violent and threatens a lot and she does this thing where when she gets mad she’ll grab the back of my neck real hard and drag me around like a damn rubber chicken I started walking behind her to avoid it so it hasn’t happened in a while but idk man everything really pisses me off this is all bullshit and I’m so sick of everyone just excusing it all you feel me also some girl at school keeps coming up behind me and squeezing my neck and it keeps fucking with me cause of what my mom does that girl keeps hitting on me to she won’t leave me alone and this always fucking happens dude she’s like threatening and making jokes about sexually assaulting me and I’m like bro??? The fuck?? My parents don’t care I’ll tell the principal if it gets worse but with the way he is he’ll probably be like oh she didn’t mean it she’s so young she was just joking try to be friends she’s just a little girl blah blah blah I hate how adults justify all this shit I just want someone to call it out or get mad on my behalf for once why won’t anybody ever defend me I’ve been dealing with this for eighteen years the same shit over and over from everyone I’m just a kid to and no one ever stepped in

Hey kiddo, I am so sorry you have all of that shit to deal with, that's awful. I'm really proud of you for telling the principal and that teacher came to check that they were being okay. How your mom treats you is awful and you don't deserve any of that. I am so sorry she has been doing that. You have so much awful things happening to you and it isn't fair, not at all.

- dad x

[lostloveletters]

yay sleepover weekend✨ do you have any woody/brady hcs💗

Hi yes! I need to mention @karasnonsense99 and @zaras-really-dreamless because some of this comes from the conversations I’ve had with them, so a million thanks🖤

HCs are under the cut! They're mostly post-war because that's what I've been working on for them recently.

Woody’s clingy. John’s the only person she really considers family besides Holly, and it’s not long before Holly’s back home in DC with Bucky. John’s not complaining, he doesn’t want to be without her for too long once they’re reunited after nearly two years apart. I don’t think they talk about it very much, at least he doesn’t bring it up, but there are times when he’s really glad she’s there to kind of physically ground him. A lot of late-night drives where Woody lets John just kind of have his space in the passenger seat while still knowing she’s there.

Woody doesn’t have a middle name, so her maiden name becomes her middle name, and that’s how they justify still introducing her as “Woody” to people even after her last name is no longer Woodward. She cringes a little every time someone calls her Kate. If they can't (or won't) call her Woody, Mrs. Brady is the next best choice, please. 

John knows from the start that Woody would never be a stay-at-home housewife type. He wouldn’t have married her if he had a problem with that. She works part-time as a mechanic, of course. The extra money definitely helps when they’re first starting out on their own and waiting for GI Bill stuff to kick in.

She’s not great at flirting, so she’s incredibly direct. He’s certainly not complaining about the ego boost but is exasperated at her complete disregard for subtlety sometimes, especially in public. She doesn’t see why it should be an issue because they’re married. He answers that yes, they are, but it’s peacetime and they’re stateside so they have to save it for when they’re back in the confines of their home.

Their house is older, three bedrooms but on the smaller side. I can see them with a lot of hand-me-down furniture from his relatives and “Hey, the trigonometry teacher said he’ll give us this couch he’s getting rid of if you see what’s wrong with his car.” Probably an old-school white Jesus painting somewhere on the wall, likely a housewarming gift from his mother. Always a little messy and kinda cramped, especially as time goes on and they have more kids (6-ish people sharing a full bathroom and half bath type of deal), but it’s very lived in and a comforting place to be.

Woody takes it upon herself to fix things around the house (she’s good at it, but she also has a bit of a complex about feeling like she’s not bringing much to their relationship. He never makes her feel that way, but her internal monologue isn’t always the nicest to her). So she’s on the roof. She probably has no business being on the roof. Somehow she talked John into holding the ladder for her, and he regrets it as soon as she’s up there, yelling to him about finding where rainwater’s leaking in from and replacing shingles.

They wait two or three years to have kids. It's not that Woody doesn't want to, but she's scared whatever made her parents not care about her might somehow be in her, too (it's not, her parents were just shitty, selfish people). John's over the moon when she tells him she thinks she's finally ready. It doesn't take long at all for her to get pregnant when they're actually trying.

Their first child is a daughter named Samantha (Sammy for short!) and they’re extremely lucky she’s a good kid because they have the hardest time saying “no” to her. John will tell her to go to her room and then she looks at him like 🥺🥺🥺 and he’s all “Wait, I didn’t mean it.” He takes it personally when Sammy says she's a big girl and doesn’t need story time before bed. Woody finds him listening to moody jazz under like a single lamp with a drink in his hand, lamenting Sammy’s growing up too fast (she’s five). 

Sammy’s an only child for a while, until she’s about school age and suddenly John and Woody are having a little bit of an emotional crisis and impulsively start trying for another kid. They have the rest of their kids in pretty quick succession after that, so there’s 5 or 6 years between Sammy and her next sibling, while the rest have maybe a year or so between them. There are no favorite children, except Sammy’s secretly John’s favorite. Don’t tell anyone.

[pontevoix]

shitty headcanons | bertolt hoover requested by @mindsafe

he cut his own hair often as a child, which seldom worked in his favor. he's detailed prone, & he got over zealous trying to make sure that his cut was even. as a result, he frequently ended up cutting his hair too short. he also tended to cut his hair more frequently when he was on marley than he did on paradis. there were other things to worry about in paradis

really missed coffee when he was in paradis, & he didn't even drink it before he left. he just missed the smell of coffee. his father always smelled a bit like coffee, & the smell of coffee always hung in the streets.

went through stages where he tried to resolve himself not to read the news. it wouldn't help anything or anyone for him to know more. but he skimmed the news in marley & might have enjoyed the comics - though he never paid that much attention to them. he read the newspapers in paradis too, & it felt like it could be self-flagellation if he let it be.

he feels a dull sort of certainty about his physical abilities & accomplishments -- he's never felt the need to push himself to wanting to continual improvement, though, so he never tried to justify his certainty. not until shiganshina.

accidentally makes a face when he eats something sour. it betrays his youth.

modern ! comes in 11th at mario kart even if he's fine at the game, honestly.

modern ! accidentally leaves his phone on ' do not disturb ' for 48 hours straight.

modern ! that's a man who doesn't forget shower shoes, & don't you forget it

modern ! doesn't backseat drive, but does backseat inform you about car maintenance. listen up!!!

[starlit-mansion]

🎹 for malcolm!

Oh, Malcolm is suuuuch a hobbies guy. If he doesn't do things with his hands, he WILL start chewing on the drywall.

First and oldest is just regular drawing, which he never really got exceptional at, but he still does, and is technically a useful work skill, though not his primary one (his business partner was always a much better artist and designer). He first got a drawing tablet for his laptop in the mid 2000s and keeps getting new ones every time he upgrades, and at least a couple times a year he will end up drawing something, even if it's just a plan for project or a shitty layout to explain to an artist he's commissioning what he wants. Sometimes he will also draw for his friends, and considers his own skills pretty embarrassing compared to what everyone else is capable of, but they always treasure it.

He used to be a big reader as a child but not in a... healthy way. More of a "I do not want to be here and this is the closest i can get to leaving" way. He does read at least a handful of books every year, usually ones his best friend recs, because she loves to gloat when someone likes a books she recs, and she's nailed down that his favorite genre is slightly comedic sci-fi and can usually come up with something new he's never heard of before he falls back to rereading hhg or something. He's read a lot of classics in his lifetime and at this point in his life, he is determined to never read another one.

He also likes tinkering with machinery, especially cars. It took ages for him to get a hobby car, and he mostly lucked into it from knowing a guy who does custom paint jobs who knew a guy looking to liquidate a car for a lot of cash but still much less than it was technically worth, and now he has a classic hot rod to fuss over and only occasionally drive. It's a huge waste of money and he couldn't be more pleased about owning it.

Sewing, and particularly costuming, is another big one... At first it was just a practical thing, because there were only so many things they could outsource while scraping everything together to open the park, and it seemed pertinent and he was willing to muscle his way through learning how to sew an awning or hem a curtain. At this point, he's quite good, and does all the bespoke costumes, repairs and replacements over the winter off-season, as well as personal sewing projects like making accessories and alterations, and fursuit stuff (which stemmed from learning how to make anthro costumes from scratch and then became an interest of its own. He goes to a few cons a year now.)

At some point, quite early in his first marriage, he took a baking class, and to justify it, got into the habit of baking bread regularly. it was a good skill to have when money was tight, and also enough of a productive process that it could be used to self-soothe once it wasn't strictly practical anymore. also, fun tip for people with social anxiety: you can show up to events with baked goods and people will like you more and want to talk to you.

[captain-hollis]

By the way Fritz met Arkady by running them over (they were fine) (the car got more damaged than them) (Fritz drives a Trabant because he thinks it has rustic charm) (it does not) (it has rust)

[shkspr]

that post getting a lot of notes is making me think of when i was in high school and this girl who was in the same friend group but Not my friend started being really fucking mean to me all the time and all my friends defended her and said it wasnt personal shes just like that. and we both had a crush on our mutual best friend and that was why she hated me. but one time he (the best friend) asked her about it and she obviously couldnt tell him why she actually hated me so she told him (and this may have also been a factor but it was not The Reason) that it was bc i talked too much about hating my dad and it hurt her feelings bc her dad was dead. and he told me this as if it was my responsibility to change my behavior so she would stop fucking bullying me. but like if thats the case then youre still not justified in bullying me? youd be within your rights to talk to me about it or to stop associating with me but it does not give you a free pass to be a bitch to me all the time forever. one time we had a break during a drama club rehearsal and EYE said we should go get some food bc the taco bell was like across the street and i was assuming we would walk. and then one of my friends asked this girl if she would drive bc she was the only one with a car. and she said yes and then she found out i was going and she pulled our mutual bestie aside and spoke to him in private and then he came back and looked me in the eyes and said “she doesnt want to drive you anywhere.” and then he and our other friend left with her lmfao. anyway this is all to say that she was not my friend and not a good person and as a teenager with a LOT of baggage i was fully allowed to talk about my experiences with my parents and it was way out of line for her to treat me that way and for her to act like the way she treated me was okay bc she didnt like hearing about my experiences. and the way my friends reacted was also super fucking shitty lol

[rowanaelinn]

Fire on Fire - chapter four

chapter three // chapter five

Aelin slammed her car door harder than necessary, sighing once she was comfortably sitting in her seat. She buckled her seatbelt and turned her head to the man sitting next to her in the passenger seat. "I'm not going to buckle your seatbelt for you, you're an adult, not a child."

Arobynn just chuckled and did it himself. “Always a delight to deal with you, darling.”

Aelin had to take a deep breath or she would snap. Getting mad at him wouldn’t work, it never did. It would just make him mad at her, and it wasn’t worth it. “Call someone else next time, then.” She said as she started driving. Aelin wished she had drunk a coffee before or taken anything that could help her stay awake. Arobynn lived one hour away from this bar, the night was going to be very long. “I forgot, you have no one else.”

“Be careful how you speak to me, Aelin.” His words were harsh even if they were slurred by the alcohol. Aelin hated the part of herself that was scared at his threat. So she didn’t answer, focused on the road, and put on some music to try to distract herself.

Aelin thought about last night, how bad her night of work was until she danced with Elide. Aelin had always loved to dance, she remembered all the times she forced her parents to sit for an hour so she could show them everything she learned that week at the dance studio.

When she turned eight, Aelin started doing dance competitions and she was good, very good, actually. She went to nationals twice, the first time she ended up in fourth place, not good enough. The second time she was in second place, it was better but still not good enough. Aelin Ashryver Galathynius was born with the need to be the best at everything she did, she didn’t understand why. Maybe it was because her parents had always been first in their own way and Aelin wanted to be like them.

After an injury at fifteen, she had to stop dancing. She still remembered crying in Aedion’s arms for an entire night. If Aelin thought about it, she would realize that’s the moment everything started to go downhill in her life. But she tried to avoid thinking about it, if she didn’t think about the problems, they didn’t exist.

“Why are you dressed like a whore, anyway?” Arobynn broke the silence and Aelin’s heart clenched. She hadn’t been hurt when Rowan made comments on her outfit because as much as she hated him, she knew he respected women and just wanted to hurt her. Arobynn never had an ounce of respect for women, he had proven it multiple times, that’s what made his comment horrible. “Not that I’m complaining in any way.” Aelin’s eyes left the road for two seconds to see him with a disgusting smile on his lips and his eyes fixed on her thighs. It took all her self-control not to vomit right there.

“I was working,” she simply said. She didn’t have to justify herself but Arobynn didn’t like to be ignored.

“You work at a strip club now?” He snorted. “Why do you even want to work? I told you I could pay for everything you need.”

He did, and it had been generous. Too generous from Arobynn to come without a price. “And I told you I could do it on my own.”

“Well, you don’t seem to earn a lot of money wherever you work since I’m still the one paying for your college tuition.” He said with a light tone but Aelin caught what he really meant. You’re only here thanks to me, be grateful.

“How many times do I have to thank you for it?” She asked with a sharp tone. Aelin had never been very good at staying calm. “I told you I would pay you back-”

“Bullshit,” he tapped his foot on the floor of the car, almost screaming. Unusual for him to lose his temper. When Arobynn was mad he favored hurting people with words. It was very rare for him to be physically violent. She jumped in spite of herself. “Do I look like I care about the money?” No, of course not. The money he used to pay for her college was like pocket money for a ten-year-old child, he didn’t see the difference in his bank account before and after paying for it. “I don’t understand why you want to work and live in a shitty apartment when you could be cared for and live in a manor.”

“ Your manor.” She said coldly.

“Yes, mine. How is that a problem?” He was angry, Aelin could see it at the way his hands clenched on his tights, the way his right leg kept fidgeting, or at the way he pronounced every word that came out of his mouth as if they were full of venom.

“You are my professor, Arobynn. I am your fucking student and not only this but I am also your teaching assistant. Do I really need to explain how wrong it is?”

“I am trying to take care of you, Aelin. I would expect you to be nicer.”

“Right now I am the one taking care of you!” She screamed, done with his bullshit. If someone had told Aelin five years ago that her favorite author was like this, she wouldn’t have believed them. “Even if I don’t want to.”

“I’m waiting for the day you crawl for my help, Aelin.”

She didn’t answer, instead, she kept her eyes on the road. She thought about her favorite books and how happy they made her. Maybe she would read one when she gets back home, it was too late to sleep anyway. Twenty minutes later, she parked her car right in front of his house. It was big, too big for a single man.

Aelin looked at her professor as he unbuckled his belt. “Have you graded the papers we gave you last month? Students will need them this week.” She asked but knew the answer. He just smirked at her and winked.

“You know me better than this, sweetheart.”

Aelin sighed and got out of her car, following Arobynn. He wasn’t walking straight and somewhere in the back of her mind she hoped he wouldn’t get hurt. Aelin knew Arobynn wasn’t a good man, he was a real piece of shit. But he had been there for her when she was at her worst, he didn’t do a lot but he had been there. He gave her opportunities she would never have had alone. And even if his interest in her was bad, he believed in her. He read every single one of her stories, gave her advice to become the best writer she could be. He let her access his contacts. If she ever made it on the best-seller list, it would be a little bit thanks to this man.

He opened his door and Aelin didn’t wait before going to his study, not caring about what he did. She quickly found the folder full of papers. She went through all of them and left hers and Lysandra’s on Arobynn’s desk. She couldn’t grade them, even if she wished she could grade Lysandra’s, but Arobynn didn’t want her to play favorites.

She turned but found Arobynn watching her at the entrance of the study. He had a glass of whiskey in his hand, of course, he would start drinking again the minute he got home. He walked towards her and she was struck by the size difference between the two of them. He pinned her with this lover’s gaze. She looked at the face she once found beautiful and swallowed. She wanted to move but couldn’t.

“What would I do without you, sweet Aelin?” He purred, letting one of his knuckles caress her cheek and before he could brush her lips she turned her head to the side. This gave him just more room to lean in and place a kiss on her cheekbone, his lips were soft and warm. Slowly, Aelin pulled back. “Tell me what I have to do for you to let me lay the world at your feet.”

Aelin said nothing as she walked away from him.

-

The moment Aelin entered her bathroom she fell on her knees and threw her guts up in the toilet. She could still feel Arobynn’s hand brushing her thigh in the car, could still feel his eyes on her or his hot breath on her ear.

When she closed her eyes she could remember the first time she saw these grey eyes four years ago and how different it felt to have them on her.

Aelin couldn’t hear the music over her friends’ laugh and her own.

When a waiter passed her she took the opportunity to take another glass of champagne and give him her empty glass. Her head was already spinning in the most delicious way.

"Ten bucks says he goes back with him tonight," Nehemia said, her eyes fixed on Aedion and the handsome blond man he was talking to. They were at a charity event, Aelin had agreed to accompany her parents only if she could bring her friends. Her three friends practically lived at home, so they agreed.

“Ten bucks?” Aelin asked as she took a sip of her drink. “How boring you are. Five hundred says they make out in a cupboard here.”

“You’re the only rich girl here, you know that?” Sam asked as he took her under his arm, forcing her head to rest on his chest. Aelin laughed loudly as she pushed him away, trying not to spill her drink on either of them.

“You are so loud, Aelin,” Lysandra complained but she wasn’t better. If anyone drank as much as Aelin did it was her best friend.

“I think our little Aelin,” Sam said, his voice full of fake seriousness, as he took her head in both hands, Aelin giggled at his fake frown. “Is slightly drunk.” Sam finished, and before Aelin could say anything he bent to kiss her. She lost herself in him, putting her arms around his neck. After a few seconds, they pulled apart but Aelin rested her head in his neck, breathing deeply in his lavender scent. She would kick his ass later for using her soap.

“Fireheart?” Aelin heard her mother call, she turned around but tripped on her long dress. Sam caught her before she could fall and the group of four friends exploded with laughter. They had all had a little too much to drink if they needed so little to laugh.

Aelin hid her glass behind her back, remembering that her parents had forbidden her to drink. They didn’t want their sixteen years old daughter to be seen doing inappropriate things. Sam took the glass discreetly and she knew he would get rid of it as soon as possible. Aelin's parents would never suspect Aelin's perfect boyfriend of helping her disobey her parents.

What her parents didn't know was that her three friends were her partners in crime, especially Sam.

“Aelin, honey.” Her mother said as she stopped in front of her. Sam’s hand rested quietly on her hip, a silent reminder that no matter how the conversation turned out, Aelin was not to get upset.

But Evalin was not alone. "My dear, I'm sure you know Mister Hamel?" She asked, knowing full well that Aelin knew him. She had dozens of copies of all his books all over her room, his writing was just amazing.

Aelin turned her head to admire her idol's face. He was handsome, for a thirty-seven years old man. If Aelin was honest, she had always had a thing for men older than her.

When her eyes met his gray ones, Aelin tensed. Absolutely everything about this man screamed power. From the way he stood to the little smile on his face as he held out his hand for Aelin to place hers in. His hand was warm but not soft, she could feel several scars. He placed a kiss on the back of her hand before saying softly, "It is a pleasure to meet you, Miss Galathynius."

The memory of that night made her throw up a second time as she fought against tears. Everything about this memory was painful. She had worked so hard to keep these emotions locked inside of her for years, she couldn’t break now. Not after everything she did to forget.

“You got drunk?” A deep voice asked and Aelin whipped her head toward that voice only to find a shirtless Rowan, arms crossed, watching her from his doorframe. She didn’t secretly marvel at his muscles like she usually did whenever he was shirtless, tonight, another proof of how bad she was feeling. “Is that why you’re so late?” His voice was hard, the same voice he usually used whenever she was around.

“Were you worried?” She asked, sarcastically. She didn’t have the strength to fight now, and yet… She couldn’t help when he was around.

“Your cousin and best friend were worried sick. Are you so selfish that you don’t care?”

“I’ll talk about that with them, then. I don’t need you here.” Her voice was as hard as his, while she usually was more teasing. Aelin saw him frown at her tone but she didn’t give a shit, she needed to be left alone. “But if you want to know, I wasn’t getting drunk, no.”

“Then what were you doing?” He snapped and Aelin didn’t understand him. Why did he want to know that? Shouldn’t he have been happy she wasn’t here? Why did he even come into the bathroom? Aelin supposed he heard her throw up, it’s not like she was a very discreet person. Did he come here just to mock her? “What has put you in such a pathetic state?”

“Get the out,” her voice was weak, trying not to think about one of the worst nights of her life. You look pathetic , Arobynn had told her two years ago. But Aelin couldn’t help it, everything about that night disgusted her. When she looked up at Rowan she thought she saw concern in his eyes but she probably was hallucinating because a second later, his eyes were cold as ice.

He laughed, even if his laugh didn’t have any humor in it. “You know what, Aelin? Keep throwing up all you want. You’re worthless.”

“Tell me something I don’t know.”

There was a long pause and when Aelin thought he wouldn’t say anything else, he opened his mouth. “I understand why your parents cut you off. Who would want a disappointment like you as their daughter?”

“Don’t ever talk to me again.” She said silently, and when he closed the door, Aelin let the tears run down her face. For the first time in his life, Rowan hurt Aelin.

-----

taglist:

@sheharahu // @morganofthewildfire // @thestoriesyoutell // @fromthelibraryofemilyj // @swankii-art-teacher // @itsforeverinnocent-blog // @becarefuloflove // @imnotsogoodatthis // @rowaelinismyotp // @a-court-of-milkandhoney // @feysand-loml // @surielandiareendgame // @live-the-fangirl-life // @story-scribbler // @loves-books // @fangirlprincess09 // @theysayitscrazy

[brekkerism]

BASIC INSTINCT (Part 1 - A Spencer Reid Series)

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Summary: (Y/N) has recently joined the bau through non conventional and rather privileged means. Couple that with a dark and troubled past, all she really wants is a fresh start. What she didn’t predict getting in her way of that, was one Special Agent Dr Spencer Reid. She thinks it’s hopeless and he’ll hate her forever. That is, until she sees Dr Reid on a rather...unusual place.

A/n: I kinda can’t believe this is my first Spencer Reid/Criminal minds fic. I’ve been obsessed for so long but I never got the courage to post anything. Well, we’ll see how this one goes. I really do hope all of you enjoy this, since I’m planning to make it multi chapters and I’m too in love to abandon it! Forgive me for not giving y’all the smut right away but good things come to those who are patient! And also huge thanks to @imagining-in-the-margins for being such a wonderful human and helping me beta this first one. Shout out to all the lovely people in the discord for encouraging me enough to write this. And also for my sweet liv, bc if she didn’t like this I would def not have posted.

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!Reader

Word count: 2320

Rating: R-no actual hard smut. For now.

Content warning: 12+ years age gap, description of bdsm scenes and play, swear words, brief fingering

*********

Since the first day I stepped in the bau, I knew Dr.Spencer Reid would not like me one bit.

Call it a gut feeling, a hunch, or maybe my justified pessimism.

 I knew the moment my dad told me, fresh out of the academy and not even slightly experienced at 24 years old, that I ‘mysteriously’ got a generous offer for a job with one of the best teams the FBI had to offer, that I wasn’t going to be liked by a lot of people. Because it wasn’t a mystery how I got the position. It was actually really plain and simple, and could be boiled down to one word:

Nepotism

I didn’t ask for it; I didn’t want it (no matter how much I actually wanted the position, but by my earning it on my own merits), but I completely understood something like this was likely to happen. I knew it the moment I moved back home and decided that the only thing worthwhile I really wanted to do was join the FBI. My dad was a good guy who was just trying to help me, his intentions were just a little misguided. It happens.

What doesn’t ‘just’ happen is that my dad is the deputy director of the FBI. His helping me was ‘making calls’ and ‘pulling strings’, which instantly gives my peers every reason to doubt every achievement I have.

But I was completely ready for it.  

What I wasn’t ready for is for everyone on the team to be normal and so welcoming to me, like I was any other agent. It was everything I wanted.

Well, everyone did that except him. I couldn’t figure it out why, but from the first minute he turned those eyes towards me, looking me up and down but never quite reaching my eyes, I could feel the scrutiny under the stare. Almost like he was saying “Really? This is it?”.

But with a blink it was gone, and he turned away from me and put his attention to the book in his hand so fast I almost thought I imagined the whole thing.

But I knew, I knew I saw it. And I knew that even if I didn’t want it, my body and brain would spend days trying to make him acknowledge me again, to look me up and down again, to try and prove to him what I’ve been trying to prove to everyone:

I deserved to be there. I could earn it by myself. I just need the chance to do it.

And so, my journey to try to not only be useful but a valuable agent, someone he would have to notice began.

 And it was shit.

Everyone was so willing not only to teach me, but to listen to my input.

Luke always had my back, both of us being the newbies in the team. JJ and Tara were always open to listening to theories, doubts and rambling, besides being totally badass inspirations. Penelope always had a eager and friendly attitude that could comfort me immediately, and she welcomed me with open arms. Emily and Rossi were patient, while also pushing me to be so much better, and being the best mentors they could be.

None of them even seemed to have even a passing thought of giving me special treatment or harsher judgment. It was almost perfect.

If it wasn’t for Special Fucking Agent Doctor Reid. He wouldn’t even be an asshole towards me, oh no, It was much, much worse. He ignored me.

He was almost happy to pretend I didn’t even exist. Of course there were situations that he couldn’t avoid socializing, as minimal as it was, but it was like he was talking to a wall. He looked at me like he was surprised that I was even there. He wouldn’t acknowledge me unless he was made to. He wouldn’t even correct me when I was wrong. At this point I was sure that I could be screaming bloody murder at him and he wouldn’t take his eyes off whatever he was doing.

It was the most frustrating and irritating thing that has ever happened to me. It made my blood boil over. It made me cry with sorrow.

And I couldn’t even figure out why. I didn’t know what it was that made me crazy because Spencer Reid wouldn’t look my way.

So I did what every angry and frustrated normal young adult does.

I went to a sex dungeon to drink my mixed feelings away and watch BDSM scenes. Duh.

Even though I wasn’t going there to play, and I thought I would never be able to play again, it was still a safe place for me. A place where I could see people that once knew the real me and provided a place free of any judgement. People who didn’t know who I was outside of those walls, who thought of me as just another person in that safe and different little world.

It also helped that watching, as much as it wasn’t my preference before, was the only thing that could properly get me off these days. And after everything, I thought I still deserved the ability to enjoy some parts of it.

And so, after saying my goodbyes to Pen, JJ amd Emily, and finding flimsy excuses not to join them at the bar for Friday drinks, I hopped the elevator, wondering how long would it take me to get properly dressed and drive across town, and if I was going to be able to call more of my old friends.

But all my happy thoughts of getting to immerse myself on a world I still loved were immediately clouded when a hand stopped the elevator and went in with me. His hand.

Great, just the perfect ending to an shitty day. A awkward elevator ride with Spencer Reid. And as always, he didn’t bother to acknowledge me, even though it was just the two of us riding down.

I was trying so hard to be in a good mood; to ignore the shitty end to a shittier case and go somewhere where I could try to be happy. But I just had to be met with his silence, his awkwardness, his existence in general. I didn’t want to feel like that today. So before I could stop myself, I did something stupid

 “So, what are your plans for the weekend, Doctor?”

Stupid. Stupid, stupid. Like he would voluntarily participate in small talk with me, something he already didn’t like, with someone he didn’t even bother to not like.

 “I think I’m going to go to a party with a friend today.”

Now that took me by surprise. No short replies? No one syllable answers? He actually told me something out of his own free will? He engaged in small talk?!

 “O-oh? I didn’t know you were one for partying... like, at all. Which friend are you going with? Do I know him?”

Talk to me. Keep engaging in small talk, please.

 “You don’t really know me well enough to judge if I am one for partying or not, now, do you? And you definitely wouldn’t know her. I don’t only hang out with people on our team, contrary to popular belief.”

Well that was extremely uncalled for. And rude. I thought that it was the first time he ever referred to me as part of the team, but that was an small detail to analyze later.

 “No need to be defensive or rude, I was just asking.”

 “Well, don’t.”

He was back to having that stupid blank expression on his face, back to not dignifying me with a proper answer, and that just wouldn’t do, would it?

I had a response. I had an excellent, spectacular comeback to use, but before I could actually defend myself in any way, the elevator dinged open. He couldn’t get out fast enough.

It was infuriating. So I did the only reasonable thing:

I followed him to his car to give him a piece of my mind.

Because of those immensely long legs, he almost got there quick enough to drive away and avoid me, but I would not let my stubby short legs get in the way.

I got my hand in before he could close his door, much like he did with the elevator. He still refused to look up at me but, the cheer disbelief and confusion on his face was enough of a response. Can’t ignore me now, asshole.

“You know, the only reason I don’t know anything about you, is because you pretend like I don’t exist. So don’t be needlessly rude to me. It’s better to keep not saying anything at all.”

And there it was. It was just tip of the iceberg, but at least I acknowledged it. I could actually feel a smirk forming on my face.

“Remove your hand please.”

And he finally looked up at me. All the disbelief and annoyance on his face were gone, replaced by that utterly bored and blank stare.

I actually wanted to scream. How was this the same guy that couldn’t stop talking and rambling enthusiastically about any and everything to anyone, the same person who had a perfect smile and warmth on his eyes for everyone else. How.

It was too frustrating. So I stepped back, removing my hand from his car door and walking towards my own car. It was better to just let it end already so I can wallow in my humiliation over this failed attempt at confrontation.

It almost put me in a bad enough mood that I didn’t want to go to the ‘club,’ but I had already promised Amara, who was not only one of my best friends but also happened to be dating that particular BDSM dungeon’s Mistress. There was no getting out even if I wanted to.

 And I didn’t really want to.

 ****

 A hour and dress change later, I was ready to go. This was absolutely nothing like the old outfits I used to wear for this events, but then again, I wasn’t the same girl. Not entirely.

So I opted for a silky black dress with a cowl neck and the best heels I had. It was sexy enough for a night of normal clubbing, but rather tame for a night at a dungeon. It was exactly what I wanted. It was less likely in that type of dungeon for anybody to approach or proposition me if I didn’t look experienced and in my element.

Even if I secretly was.

So I got ready, took my time to properly breathe, and left everything that wasn’t this night or positive thoughts behind the locked door of the apartment. I could come back to them later.

Right now, I was going to be happy and have fun.

 *****

I was not having fun anymore. It was unfortunate, and I felt like somehow that this had to be the bad mood I was in from a particular encounter earlier. I just couldn’t find anything that excited me the way I wanted it to. I had made the rounds with Amara, and she had showed me all of the new rooms and new toys before every space got occupied with busy couples and groups.

It was beyond fun exploring before the spaces were being actually used, and imagining what each person would get out of those rooms. It was a pleasant and happy feeling.

But soon enough the dungeon got filled with more and more people, and each room was occupied and used. Most were open for all that wanted to watch, but each scene I passed failed to get my attention. It was especially more daunting and lonely when Amara left to put on a show with her girlfriend in the main room.

And as pretty and wonderful as they looked, I just didn’t feel like watching a couple as in love as Amara and Celeste performing tonight. It was just... a little too much for me. After everything, most loving was.

No, what I was looking for was not that. I was looking for the thing I used to crave. The thing that used to keep me going at all times of the day.

I was looking for fucking. Not couples making love, not couples having sex, not pet play, not elaborate scenes or people using toys so strange and complicated I couldn’t make out what was what.

I was looking for someone completely fucking dominating their partner.

It shouldn’t be impossible to find. Not on a Friday night, and not in a club this good.

And I did. I finally found it.

The dom had his back to the audience and the door with the little window I was watching through. He was turned toward his sub standing on the side while she spread her legs on the bed, her hands tied up to the headboard, showing her pussy to the audience along the wall. It was the perfect scene for me. In fact, too perfect.

She even looked a little like me, in fact. Same build, similar hair. It got me even more excited to watch this through. I took a deep breath and finally opened the door. Stepping in, I leaned against the door, having a direct view to the bed.

And god did I want to watch.

The dom still had his back to us,but I wasn’t watching him. Rather, I watched the girl’s cunt and how he was fingering it, not saying anything for her or us yet.

He has really nice hands.

Really, really nice. In fact I don’t think I’ve seen such nice hands since –

Not the time!

The girls face looked rather blissful, and I imagined three of those pretty and long fingers should be doing just the trick for her.

But then she did something that displeased him.

She moaned. Loudly.

The sound was immediately followed by a sharp slap in her face.

Fuck, that made me wet.

But before I could even entertain the idea of getting my hands inside my panties, the dom spoke.

He spoke in a voice I almost never heard directed towards me, but could pick out in any crowd.

He spoke in the voice of the man that made me so mad I almost didn’t come to the club in the first place.

“Are my fingers inside you too much? Cause I’ll fucking stop if you can’t obey and stay quiet.”

 And I froze. I froze and panicked and had to stop myself from screaming by bringing a hand up to my  mouth.

 Because that was Spencer Reid, in a BDSM dungeon, dominating a girl right in front of me.

Taglist: @imagining-in-the-margins @spencer-reid-in-a-pool @gretaamyk @prettyricky187 @sunlight-moonrise @fanficlibrary82 @blazinvixen @samanddeanstolethetardis221b @httpnxtt @reidetic @hyper-fxation @blushingspencer @reidlusts @wishingwellwriting @redbullchick

I feel like I missed a lot of peeps but please know I’m still thankful ma loves

[ml-salt-central]

I know this is late but... Glaciator 2 Salt!

Seriously, out all the episodes THIS is the one they chose to give a sequel to?

Why are the people of Paris so weird and creepy about Ladybug and Chat Noir's relationship?! Like ya'll, they're real people in your universe, wtf?!

I'm just gonna say it, I hate the ice cream man and I don't understand how his business isn't a total failure. This bitch won't even let you pick the flavor of your ice cream and will ship you with whoever you go buy ice cream with? WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD BUY SHIT FROM HIM?!

Was Maribug throwing Adrichat into the trash a dick move? Yes. Did she have a good enough reason to do this and react the way she did? Also yes, her anger is completely justified here

Adrien "Stop throwing yourself a pity party" challenge, she's said "NO" to you countless times! A NO IS NOT CODE FOR "KEEP TRYING!!!!!

Alya, sweetie... I still consider you the best character in this season but YOU'RE BLOWING IT RIGHT NOW!!!!! (God! I forgot how much I hated that last bit in Oblivio. FUCK that episode!)

Nadja still fucking suuuuuuucks~

Wow! Self-Pitying! Adrien and Obsessive! Marinette in the same episode?! Ya'll really didn't want me to enjoy this one, huh? :D

But seriously tho, Marinette taking advantage of Adrien's sadness to try and confess to him is... pretty disgusting and manipulative ngl...

Fuck you, Gabriel

That scene where Adrien said that he refused to end up like Gabriel by clinging to the past was actually kind of nice... too bad it gets ruined by the end of the episode so it doesn't mean shit

Kagami, you KNOW how much of a shitty boyfriend Adrien was to you so why the FUCK would you want Marinette to date him?! Isn't she your friend?! You have no reason to believe that he'll treat her any better than you

Not gonna comment on the Mari and Chat scenes, I did not care about them

A grown ass man is upset that a teenage boy isn't dating the teenage girl he ships him with... fucking YIKES!!!!!

Okay, the lucky charm being a car could've been a great comedic moment of Ladybug and Chat Noir getting on it, starting the car and then realizing that neither of them can drive because they're 14 which leads to them either crashing the car into Glaciator by accident or them accidentally turning and making the car fall on the Seine river but NOPE! They can both drive for some reason, how the fuck do they know how to drive?!

I'm of the opinion the ml would be better off if it had episodes with no akuma fights and this episode is one of the reasons why I have this opinion. You can take the fight out of the episode and nothing changes, it's just there to waste time

Blah, blah, blah, Marinette's confession makes Adrien go back to being a simp, making the episode pointless and Kagami is a weeb who gives advice based on the manga she's reading as if she's not enough of an asian caricature already

In conclusion:

This episode sucked and is easily one of the worst of the entire season and this is the same season that has "Sole Crusher" and "Queen Banana" in it so THAT'S SAYING SOMETHING!!!!

(Imma do Ephemereal tomorrow)

[vonkarma2]

also dw if you don’t want to but crow

My overall opinion on the character: he’s like in the characters of all time tier like not only do I love him a lot as a character he’s like iconic to me. Influential. I really like his story and his personality genuinely I think his whole backstory is very interesting. also he’s funny

One virtue they have: I guess his sincere desire to protect others and keep them safe even though it’s influenced by and corrupted by outside forces and overall not expressed in the best ways it’s still nice. Like it’s kinda faint praise to say that he’ll make absolutely sure the person isn’t innocent or the wrong person before he kills them. But at least he does it ✌️ and ofc it’s all for the sake of humanity ✌️ although you could say his devotion to these ideals is a huge flaw ✌️ but it comes from a good place I guess at least partially

One flaw they have: I’m going to try to come up with something more in depth than like “he kills people” I guess his self righteousness like his unwillingness to consider that what he’s doing May be wrong. Obviously you get why he does this considering it’s how he’s spent his life for a very long time he’s been manipulated since he was like relatively young but still. Not even like he won’t question like the sanctum overall or like the way he became Crow in the first place, even just in like specific actions. So I guess overconfidence? I’ve talked about like 3 different things here lmao I hope this made sense. 

Favorite moment from their arc: I don’t really know his entire arc unfortunately. The part where he dies I don’t know if he dies. The part where he dies peacefully surrounded by loved ones in 2063. Ok but for real I liked the part where Lennox asked him if he liked being in the Sanctum and he lost his mind trying to justify it. It was both funny and sad <3

Least favorite moment from their arc: I don’t really have a least favorite moment. I didn’t like when he killed people that was sad. I guess at like the beginning of his backstory when he was an annoying teenager who made 1 terrible decision next thing you know he’s monologuing about his philosophy and driving around killing people in his shitty car. Not in that it’s badly written but in that 1) he was annoying back then 2) everything that happened to him could have been so easily prevented

One relationship they have with another character: This is so funny I have to explain a character relationship to the creator of those characters. I guess I’m going to go with grossly oversimplifying his relationship with Lennox, basically he’s weirdly intense and dedicated to all humans so that ofc includes him but he also likes him a lot personally. Whereas Lennox is both put off by this and likes him more because of it, and/or I guess is intrigued. Like he’s interested in learning more about him which I would be too like what the hell is going on there. Also they have a gay thing going on or whatever. This is incredibly general but like that’s part of it I guess. This explanation might not sound very enthusiastic, but I do think they have a very interesting dynamic and I think could develop a lot from knowing each other if that makes sense

One relationship I'd like to see explored from this character: Honestly him and Dashwood I think are interesting, ofc I’d like to see him interact with Kaleela and Baize too (potentially Aidan as well could you imagine. But like at the point in time when they would interact Crow would be too busy feeling like this

to have like a real relationship with him) but I think like with their connection going back so far, + this whole thing being Dashwood’s idea so he kinda shares the blame for everything Crow has done along with the man himself, + the way they have wildly different perspectives on their relationship. So I think it could be very interesting. Shame he fucking died lol

What I would have liked to see happen with them in the media: oh idk ummm. Well first of all anything just bc I love reading about him in general. But I guess I would say like positive character growth and just mundane activities. Me when I care for the well-being of a fictional character, but idk I would like to see him doing normal things and also changing his mindset and becoming a better person or whatever 🙄