Obviously my violent intrusive OCD thoughts don’t represent my actual desires in any way, but I have found a lot of success lately by realizing that sometimes they may be a kind of escape attempt- hey, I really really am not enjoying this task or situation right now, my ADD brain is telling me I am actually going to die if I have to keep doing it… if I jumped off this building right now I would have a *dramatically different* problem to deal with, huh
At which point I can tell that part of myself, okay, I know this feels bad and scary right now, but you’re going to finish it and then I will take you out for a chocolate shake and then I will play video games with you. Jumping off the building will get you 0 shakes and video games.
And that actually gets my brain to calm down a lot more effectively than any mindfulness technique.
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had a conversation with my mother yesterday in which she was very clearly looking for reasons to be convinced I'm going to lose my job any minute (taking vacation time, spending too much time on performing arts, enrollment being down because of FAFSA issues, just being generally unsightly) and it really makes me feel like confirming her priors about education and Liberal Hypocrisy and nobody wanting to look at fat people is more important to her than my continued success and happiness in life
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I'm being forced to visit my abusive grandma to deal with my childhood traumas and grow up as person(already ended crying and visiting the clinic because of that) so with that said
What is it to be an adult for you ? One of the expectations is for me to be able to become an adult since I will be 23 when I get back so...
I think you shouldn't need to confront your trauma Like That to grow up as a person tbh i'm no psychologist but it feels counterproductive. Abusive people should be put behind you, not at your side. Stay safe, and stay strong, bestie, i'll be keeping you in my thoughts🫂
As for me, being an adult is a subjective thing. I'm not sure? I think "responsibility". Having more of them, and being okay-ish at keeping the strings together. -ish, i emphasise. Nobody can keep all the strings together, but trying your best is part of it. You gain a bit more independence, but you end up losing a lot of that freedom you gain to responsibilities. But i'd still say adulthood comes with additional freedoms. I hope the expectations placed on you aren't some shit like "get a (good) job" or "become fully independent, financially and otherwise" bc for me that's awfully individualist and might not be feasible for every adult (like, a disabled adult might not be able to keep a job that is exhausting, whatever "exhausting" might mean to them - could be the medical profession known for a lot of overtime and sleepless nights, could be an office job where you have to stare at screens that cause eyestrain for too long etc etc).
But i think it does include some independency. Dependant on the person. YMMV. I think i'd leave it up to the individual to define, beyond the biological "maturity/end of puberty" or sociological "minor/adult" divide
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