#to coin a phrase “use YOUR words (not everyone else's)!”

[nostalgia-tblr]

tracking down whoever started fandoms on the phrases "use your words" and "sweet girl" and having them boiled alive in diet coke

[atlabeth]

pretty boy

pairing: spencer reid x reader

summary: spencer walks in one day with a new look. you handle it pretty well.

a/n: im in the opposite of a writing slump right now (will prob fall into a writing slump right after i say this) probably because im procrastinating on essays for school and i can only write when im meant to be doing work. but tiny little fluffy spencer one shots are very good for the soul right now. i think it's my way of healing from my hotch fic

wc: 1.8k

warning(s): one slightly sexual joke from emily. all fluff

You usually don’t get to the office this early, but you don’t exactly have a choice. The BAU’s last couple cases have all run one after another, barely leaving you any time in the office, and now you’re paying for it. 

You’ve got a mountain of paperwork to get through and not nearly enough time to do it all—if you’re lucky, you’ll be writing reports for a few days straight. If you’re not, you’ll be putting in some overtime.  

“This is the most focused I’ve ever seen you this early,” Derek comments. 

You shake your head with a sigh. “These reports are government mandated torture.” 

He chuckles, and he nods at Emily as she walks over to her desk. “Are you this busy?” 

She shakes her head. “I’ve still got a report to get through, but nothing that bad.” 

“I get it,” you say wryly. “You’re all more organized than me. Just don’t come to me asking to go out tonight—you know I can’t say no.” 

“But don’t shots taste better when you’re supposed to be doing work?” Derek asks, and you roll your eyes with a laugh. 

“Not when I’ve got this much work I’m supposed to be doing.” 

You hear the elevator ding and glance up—Spencer’s walking through and fixing his tie. You look back down at your report as you greet him. 

“Hey, Spence,” you call. “Why’re you late?” 

“I’m not late,” he says, and you can see him checking his watch out of your peripherals. “I’m two minutes and thirty-three seconds early.” 

“Really?” you muse. “I guess I’m just so used to you being here before me.” 

“You can’t judge my timeliness on yours when you’ve been here for an hour already,” Spencer says. 

You frown, tapping your pen against the paper. “How do you know?” 

“You’re settled in already. Your coat’s on your chair, your stack of unfinished files is smaller than it was last time we were in the office, your coffee isn’t steaming, and your mug has a chipped handle—when they were put away last night, that one was set in the front, so you’d have to be here early to get it.” 

“Touche,” you murmur. You’re not sure why you ever ask your team of profilers how they know something. 

“You also look like you don’t want to be here,” he comments. “That’s pretty typical of agents who have to be here before their regular hours.” 

You chuckle and tilt your head in admission. You don’t really want to be here, especially running on so few hours of sleep. 

“Why aren’t you as early as usual?” Emily asks. 

“My neighbor knocked on my door this morning to ask me for something,” Spencer says. “It threw off my whole routine. I picked the wrong tie, I couldn’t pack my bag properly, and I had to toast my bagel for two minutes instead of three and a half to make it out in time.” 

“How terrible,” Derek says with mock austerity. 

“It is terrible!” he exclaims. “It’s scientifically proven that a morning routine makes you happier, more energized, and ready to seize the day—carpe diem.” Spencer sets his bag on the floor next to his desk and looks at everyone else with a smile. “Did you know that phrase was actually coined by the Roman poet Horace in his Odes? It comes from the first book out of four in the eleventh poem—the full phrase in Latin is carpe diem, quam mini—”

“How was your bagel?” Emily asks to interrupt him, and he pauses. 

“It was good,” he says. “Could’ve been toastier.” 

You look up, a teasing remark on the edge of your tongue, but the words die in your throat when you actually see him. 

Spencer’s started combing a hand through his hair to fix it—must have been another part of his affected morning routine—his lips set in a pout as he tries to see his reflection in his dark monitor. He always looks good, even without trying, but now—

“You’re wearing glasses,” you say dumbly. 

“My contacts dried out,” he grumbles, still focused on his hair. “We got home so late last night I forgot to put them in their solution, and I had no time to fix them because my neighbor messed up my whole morning.” 

You nod, still unable to tear your eyes away from him. “Are you gonna keep wearing them?” 

“I don’t know. Contacts are better for cases because I’m not worried about them falling off or fogging up, but I usually sleep on the jet on the way back, and sleeping with contacts in isn’t good.” He smiles a bit as he fully turns to you, seemingly satisfied with his hair. “It reduces the amount of oxygen that gets to your cornea, which damages the cornea’s surface and makes it harder to regenerate new cells. Sleeping with contacts actually makes you six to eight times more likely to get an eye infection.”

You nod again, your brain still not quite working at full power. You always love listening to Spencer’s fact dumps—it gives you a lot of material to impress your non-BAU friends with on the side, and you’re eternally thankful for that—but right now, you seriously cannot focus. 

You’d never really thought about him in glasses, but that’s probably a good thing if this is how it makes you feel. 

You were valedictorian as an undergrad, and you received stellar feedback from your professors during your masters program. You’re an excellent profiler, a valued member of the BAU, and you’re a goddamn FBI agent. 

And yet you can’t find a single thought in your head because your coworker showed up to work wearing glasses. 

He’s still rambling about other common causes of eye infection and how nobody seems to take them as seriously as they should, when Derek, not even trying to hide his grin at your turmoil, speaks up.  

“Reid. Wanna cool it a bit?” 

Spencer’s eyes dart over to him for a moment before he stops. “Uh— sorry.” He frowns as he looks back at you. “Why do you ask? Do you not like them?” 

“No,” you blurt out, and you shake your head a multitude of times. “No. They look great. You look great. They’re—” You dig your nails hard into your palm as you try your hardest to smile like normal, and this time you nod. “They’re good, Spence.” 

“Thanks.” Spencer does that little smile-nod combo of his, and he pushes his glasses back into place with his thumb by the bottom of the frames. “That’s nice to know I’ve got another option.” 

You thank whatever god may be out there that Hotch and Penelope are busy in their offices and JJ is busy with some other case, because you think you would die if anyone else saw you like this. 

“Hey, Reid,” Emily says, also not doing a very good job of hiding her amusement. You hate your team sometimes. “They’re almost out of sugar in the breakroom. If you want coffee the way you like it this morning, you should probably get in there.” 

“What?” Spencer shoots up, his brows already furrowing into a frown. “That— that’s ridiculous. I can’t mess up my morning any more.” 

“You’d better get in there, then,” she remarks. 

“We’re an entire office of agents running on coffee,” Spencer complains as he starts walking. “How are we almost out of sugar?” 

“Because half of ‘em drink it black,” Derek says, and Spencer shakes his head with a sigh as he leaves. 

“That’s ridiculous.” 

You bury your head in your hands the moment he’s gone and Derek laughs. “I wish I could’ve gotten that on video.” 

“Don’t talk to me,” you groan. “It is not fair of him to walk in like that.” 

“And that is why I call him pretty boy.”

“He needs them to see,” Emily says with amusement as she leans against the side of your desk. “You just can’t control yourself.” 

“I need to transfer offices,” you say, shaking your head. “I can’t do this.” 

“You should ask him out!” Derek encourages. “He’d probably say yes.” 

“Absolutely not,” you insist. “I doubt he likes me like that. A— and even if he does, that’s the last thing either of us need right now.” 

“I don’t know,” Emily muses. “It looks like you clearly need something.” 

You let out a frustrated noise as you screw your eyes shut. “I’m doomed.” 

You hear Spencer say your name, and when you look over at him, one hand still pressed against your head, you see he’s got two cups of coffee in his hands. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah,” you say weakly. “I’m great. Why?” 

“I got you one too,” he says, holding one of the mugs out to you. “The one you have is probably cold by now, and it looks like you need an extra kick to get through all those reports.” 

“Thanks, Spence. That’s sweet.” He nods as you take the proffered mug, and you swear your cheeks are as warm as the coffee. He is really testing your strength today. 

“You— you have a lot,” he says, and you huff a dry laugh and nod. “I’m not trying to be sarcastic. I could take half of them if you want?” 

Your grip tightens on the mug and you can feel Derek’s eyes on you. “I couldn’t make you do that, Spence.” 

“You’re not!” Spencer exclaims. “I can get through mine really quickly—we worked together for almost the whole last case so I can do all of that anyways.” 

“...You’re sure it wouldn’t be an imposition?” 

“I’m sure,” he nods. “Besides, I offered. I wouldn’t if I didn’t want to.” 

And god damn him, because he nudges his glasses back into place again, pushes a strand of loose hair back into place. You’re dying over here. 

You set the mug of coffee on your desk and pick up the top half of your pile. “All yours, Spence.” 

He takes the bottom half and smiles at you, and you smile back before he walks back to his desk. You are dying over here. 

“Let me know how I can pay you back,” you say, and he shakes his head. 

“You don’t need to pay me back.” 

“Really?” 

Spencer nods. “I mean, Morgan invited us all out on the jet last night, and I don’t think I can do it alone. If you can get out of the office in time, I don’t have to. I think that's enough of a payback.” 

“Yeah,” you say. “I’ll be there.” 

He smiles again and nods, then he picks up a pen and focuses in. You turn back to your desk, your face burning. 

“What was that about him not liking you like that?” Derek says. 

“Quiet!” you whisper-yell, swatting him with the pile of files in your hand. “He might hear you!” 

“He’s not hearing anything while he’s focused on that,” he says. “That just means you can ogle him more.” 

You groan again, letting your forehead fall into your palm. “I’m pathetic.” 

“I think you’re right.” Emily chuckles as she stands up. “You are doomed.” 

[nichelink]

nichelink: a newly coined niche relationship/relationship dynamic that differs from social norms, but is consensual and aware of potential risks.

differ from the norm: this is flexible and vague on purpose. see the ‘examples’ section.

probably niche: niche, probably not many people will identify as this, it’s just now been invented and posted on tumblr dot com, but it’s still a valid want and identity label.

aware of potential risks: this is inspired by the kink phrase Risk-aware consensual kink or risk-accepted consensual kink (RACK), and it means that everyone in the relationship is silently nodding and acknowledging there might be risks. you don’t have to prove yourself to others on this, don’t feel expected to tell everyone your personal business on how you’re managing this risk, because it’s not their relationship…

consensual: this is inspired by the kink phrase Consensual non-consent. basically it means that everyone in the relationship agreed to have the relationship play out a certain way, and the relationship may play out (maybe in a sort of roleplay-like fashion) like it’s non consensual, but everyone in the relationship is both expecting this to happen and still has the ultimate say on if things need to 100% stop or if it’s time for them to leave the relationship.

newly coined: i want to make it clear that existing relationship dynamics shouldn’t be shoved into this label because that feels disrespectful to those existing words, so essentially this means that existing words for it didn’t 100% describe this dynamic, so you can’t just say xyz thing is actually this term. (however, if you find one of these describes something you've already been doing for years, it's perfectly fine to start identifying with this of course.)

examples:

relationship where one person is treated as if they are an object owned by the other/s in the relationship

relationship where one person is treated as if they are a deity, and the other/s in the relationship are their followers

relationship where one person is treated as if they are a pet owned by the other/s in the relationship

relationship where one person is treated as if they are a child adopted by the other/s in the relationship

relationship where one person is transforming the other/s in the relationship into something

labels under this umbrella have a Ratings System.

All-Ages: a label that is suitable for all ages.

16+: a label that would be best if it was only used by people 16 years or older (bodily). this doesn’t mean that it’s NSFW or something, but should be used when the term has something pretty intense or serious about it which probably shouldn’t be practiced with younger people. all terms under this umbrella that involve identity modification or training are inherently 16+.

18+: a label that is inherently not suitable for people under 18 years (bodily).

grammar:

nichelinking: the state of being in this kind of relationship with someone else. “we’re nichelinking,” “we might start nichelinking”

nichelink: 1) the specific terms themself. “i coined a nichelink,” “definition: an all-ages nichelink where you…” 2) the relationship itself. “our nichelink,” “his last nichelink”

nichelinker: someone who participates in nichelinking.

there is currently no word for having a nichelink-related crush on someone, suggestions welcome.

inspirations

neurowiry

relationship anarchy

roleplay

found family tropes

desirdae

dissomei

my own personal experience of becoming someone’s “dad” - i made a friend in high school who i came out as transgender too, and then as a joke based on how people in the undertale fandom called toriel “mom,” we began referring to me as my friend’s “dad.” this joke stuck and then started genuinely being a serious part of our friendship. reflecting on this made me realize that there’s actually lots of relationships in life that’re similar, where you refer to each other as something unusual and it feels like it changes the entire status of your friendship. i liked the idea of making a word someone can use for this kind of friendship/relationship if they wanted.

i did a lot of writing about what this term means and can be used for and it ended up being long so you can read it on this page. (updated 1/10) here are some of the faq questions (but not all, so please read that page):

is this a k*nk thing?

no, it’s not intended to be. there are plenty of nichelink terms usable by anyone at any age. however if you’re an adult and you find a term appealing and start to use it because of k*nk things, more power to you, go right ahead.

is this anti r*dqueer?

i don’t find it makes sense to say that something that isn’t a stance term/blankqueer term is anti this or pro that. but this term was inspired by r*dqueer “consensual abuse” relationships, and i did start working on this because i saw that there were a lot of people who craved a specific relationship dynamic or way of being treated who felt like they couldn’t get that outside of the r*dqueer community, so i wanted to make a risk-aware and safer alternative that is not attached to a harmful community known for abuse, transphobia, racism, etc.

if you crave being treated a certain way, yes even in a “harmed” way, this term is welcome to you.

can i coin my own?

not yet. i’m still working out the kinks (🥁✨) on definitions and guidelines. i also have a big list of terms i’d like to coin for it. you can send me a request at least.

can i post this term on…

wiki/term definition sites: yes, and you don't have to ask, but i would like to be informed.

pinterest/other social medias: no, never, i'm not comfortable with someone else posting my term for me.

tags: @antiradqueerguy | @radiomogai | @the-silent-fellowship | @harmlesspersonalidentityarchive | @beyond-mogai-pride-flags | @desirdae-archive | @dissodic-archive | @kiruliom | @anti-rq-gumi | @antiradqueerguy | @neopronouns // ask to be untagged

general flag for all All-Ages nichelinks:

general flag for all 16+ rated nichelinks:

[dedalvs]

Hi David! Hope you’re having a nice day.

Do you have any tips for people who want to create a casual conlang, as in only for like a pen & paper game or a story they’re writing, where they want to coin some phrases and have a recognisable and somewhat realistic sound but can’t put in all of the background work that really goes into what you do?

Thanks for your time!

Yes I do! I recommend you read a short paper by Jeffrey Henning called "A Naming Language" (you can find it at Fiat Lingua). This will tell you how to create a small language sketch that will allow you to create just enough of a phonology and basic grammatical decisions to create names in your language. What it won't help you do is create complex syntax and inflection required for full scale translation. Now, when I say that, you might be thinking, like, to translate a novel or a political tract, or something like that, but frankly, translating something like, "Can you hand me that wrench over there?" is complex enough. Embedded in that one sentence is choices you have to make about:

Polar question formation

Abilitive/permissive modality

Potential subject/object concord

Demonstratives

Spatial location systems

Pronoun systems

Now this all works in a specific way in English, but it will work in a different specific way in every other language. Some things that English is sensitive too others may not be (for example, English changes word order when changing from a statement to a question; other languages don't do that), but other languages may be sensitive to things English isn't (for example, a language like Georgian has verbs that agree with both the subject, direct object, and indirect object. English doesn't do that). All of these are decisions you have to make (or make implicitly) when designing a language.

I mention all this so you understand what exactly you'll have when you create a language sketch—what you can do and what you can't. With a language sketch, you can create names, you can create single words, you can create derivations, even phrases that don't resolve to anything (like "Cool!" that is a word with one meaning but used to mean something else). You can't translate full sentences. If you do, what you'll either be doing is either (a) creating actual grammar, which is what you do when creating a full language, or (b) unconsciously recreating the grammar of another language (e.g. unconsciously copying the grammar of English).

It is within everyone's capabilities to create a language sketch in no more than a week—perhaps even an hour or two. As long as you know exactly what you can and can't do with it, you can plan accordingly for your fiction—and a sketch can always be expanded into a full conlang later!

[booksinmythorax]

On Tyranny & Tumblr #9: Be kind to our language

Avoid pronouncing the phrases everyone else does. Think up your own way of speaking, even if only to convey that thing you think everyone is saying. Make an effort to separate yourself from the internet. Read books.

One popular authoritarian tactic is taking words with established, but complicated definitions and making them simpler, to the detriment of everyone. Some examples:

"Triggered" has a clinical definition: "intense emotional distress you may feel suddenly when you’re faced with something that reminds you of a past traumatic experience". Its common usage has become simply "upset" or "highly emotional".

"Critical Race Theory" is an academic term coined by Kimberle Crenshaw. (You might also know Crenshaw from her creation of the term "intersectional feminism".) It is an ideological framework that Crenshaw defines as "an embodiment of what I call racial literacy". The American Bar Association (which paywalled this article) explains that critical race theory is "the practice of interrogating race and racism in society that emerged in the legal academy and spread to other fields of scholarship... CRT grew from Critical Legal Studies (CLS), which argued that the law was not objective or apolitical". In the 2020s, far-right activists have begun using the phrase to mean "any mention of race or racism, especially that which implies white people benefit from being white".

"Woke" originated in African-American Vernacular English. The phrase "stay woke" was recorded in the 1938 song "Scottsboro Boys" by Huddie Ledbetter, aka Lead Belly, in a way that meant "to stay alert to others' deceptions and watch out for police violence, racially motivated threats, and the dangers of white America". Protests of police violence against Black people in Ferguson, Missouri in 2014 brought more attention to the word "woke" in this context. By 2017, non-Black people were appropriating the word en masse to mean "politically conscious" generally, and then almost simultaneously to mean "overly sensitive to the point of ridiculousness".

There are more examples, but I didn't intend for this part to go this long already, so we'll continue.

The point here is that repurposing words with complex definitions to mean something simple is an old, old part of the authoritarian playbook. It's one we shouldn't play along with. Repeating these new definitions or invented buzzwords gives them power, even if we're using them to disagree (Snyder, 60).

Snyder also spends a lot of time in this chapter recommending moving away from picture-heavy visual media in favor of longer-form verbal media. This allows for more in-depth learning, better retention, and less stress from being inundated with constant stimuli. He specifically recommends reading books, from "good novels" to histories to theory texts (Snyder, 62). He specifically recommends that Christians go back and read the entire Bible, because taking scripture out of context is a major right-wing weapon (Snyder, 62 & 63).

You can apply Snyder's lesson #9 to quite a bit of your online life, actually:

When fascists are gnawing a word into nothing, you have two choices: either let them have it (sometimes a word is too far gone to rescue) or insist on only using the word in its proper context yourself. Either way, take the activating buzzword out of the equation and discuss things on a level ideological playing field no matter who you're talking to.

Don't use this lesson for leftist infighting. Learn to distinguish carefully between who is trying their best but needs some grace and who is advancing a fascist agenda. Correct the former kindly and teach them the history of the terms they're using; do not engage with the latter.

Consider limiting your time on social media apps. On Android, you can turn certain apps "off" until after midnight the following day once you've used them for a certain amount of time: Settings>Apps>See All Apps>[Specific App]>Screen Time.

Borrow books from your library, digitally or physically. Try to broaden your horizons. Read genres you're not familiar with. If you read mostly fiction, grab a couple volumes of nonfiction (or vice versa). Try new authors: Octavia Butler, Alice Wong, and Annalee Newitz are all excellent. If you need recommendations, BookRiot.com is a great site to check out.

Feel free to list other applications in comments or tags or on reblogs.

Other lessons from On Tyranny:

#1: Do not obey in advance

#2: Defend institutions

#3: Beware the one-party state

#4: Take responsibility for the face of the world

#5-7: Remember professional ethics, Be wary of paramilitaries, and Be reflective if you must be armed

#8: Stand out

#10: Believe in truth

[artificial-absinthe]

Very sorry if this is super long but no hate to you at all, you make a valid point with tags:

I think you can also block posts containing certain phrases?/gen but also I can understand that when hc's mix into/flood a certain tag without the additional tag to block you from seeing it, it can get frustrating and hard to create your own experience.

Note to everyone else that isn't the OP: To those who agree with OP's post (I know OP's intention isn't for this to happen, I can understand getting annoyed because they aren't able to see the content they want to usually) it's not okay to target/ harass certain creators that you think OP is talking about, it's just not on.

But overall OP does make a good point of tumblr etiquette: some of us want to be able to have our feed specific to what we want but it's hard to do so without the additional tag that we can't block so we don't have to see certain posts. You can still use the tags that you normally use but the additional tag is very useful for those of us who aren't so eager for the AU's and HC's.

Hello, it's not long at all, and long is not necessarily unsavory.

In regards of the first sentence, I actually didn't know that. It could indeed be useful for very specific sentences, but I can't filter very general words because I could miss posts on female characters that I like. Anyway, I still believe that a tag would be in order. Ive been told that one has already been coined, and I hope that people will use it, since apparently the blogs on that trend took it personal (for what I've been told, I don't go stalking them), then, perhaps many of them won't be willing to use it out of spite.

About the second topic, I did not made these posts for others to go harassing anyone. Again, it was not some petty callout thing, and I did not implied anything different from what I wrote. No, if you (general) out there agree with me, don't go harassing users, instead you could reblog my requests in a leveled manner so that it gets taken into account.

[spreadwardiard]

5, 6, 12, 14, and 30 please! I would love to hear what you have to say in response to those questions :)

What do you wish someone would ask you about Crossing the Line? Answer it now! I wish someone would ask about Megatronus' and Orion's flirting ohhh my goodness. It is one of my favorite aspects of that AU I haven't really gotten to write much about yet. Their primary means of flirting with one another is a silly game between them that starts after A New Kind of Word Sparring. It becomes like a game for them and many of their debates past this point devolve into a contest to see who can get the other's fans blowing first. Megatronus is surprised that Orion wins about half the time.

What’s one fact about the universe of Naught But a Ghost that you didn’t get a chance to mention in the fic itself?

I never got a chance to mention Megatron and Orion Pax's friendship with Soundwave, and I haven't really had a chance to explore that yet in the follow up pieces either. Soundwave is Megatron's amica and also a good friend of Orion's. I wanted to explore that in that fic but just could not make it fit right. which segues into another fact about Soundwave in that universe: he is the one who guides Orion on Kaoni courtship traditions and pushes Megatronus into accepting Orion's clumsy attempts at pursuing him romantically. two for one! Another thing though I never mentioned in that fic is that Orion actually cares a great deal for the whole of the Decepticon army as well as their sympathizers. He is their leader's Conjunx after all, and even after Megatron renounces that role at the end of the war, Orion never stops seeing the Decepticons as his people.

12. Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

This kinda depends how we are defining 'tropes'. If we go with the defintion : "something such as an idea, phrase, or image that is often used in a particular artist's work, in a particular type of art, in the media, etc." then the answer is mechpreg. When i first started reading Transformers fic I did not care for it at all, I was hypercritical of it because it felt too organic for me, but it kept showing up in fics I was reading and i enjoy it now as much as I enjoy the more asexual methods of mech reproduction. (Like, i know my first 2 fics mention it, but thats because this trope change happened BEFORE I started writing for Transformers. though... I started reading Transformers fics like... the week before I started writing for it so this change happened pretty quickly, but its the biggest trope I can think of really that I can think of that my mind changed on.)

14. Are there any tropes you would only read if written by a trusted friend or writer?

XDXD Yes. And it's actually YOU, my friend, who writes it! In The Many Lives of Optimus Prime one of the major tropes is reincarnation, and I am really uninterested in reading other's takes on this trope to be honest. (sorry everyone else, I am only being honest 😅😅😅)

30. Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

YES. Pretty much all of 2 Sides to a Coin is somewhat outside my comfort zone! The biggest thing is that I have almost always been an exclusively NSFW writer and this AU is SFW, This made me have to really think about other ways to express intimacy, emotional bonds and physical closeness, which has made my ability to write romance in general much better than it was before.

[jera-algiz]

Hello you,

(wow.. sorry. Already off to a bad start. I sound like Joe Goldberg, not the intention, I promise!)...

"You" not wanting to be here isn't just simply "us having enough"....

...Sorry, quick pause ⏸️

(If you do not want to read this post because it's just too damn long is....

...acceptable,I have a hard time with that, too. Let alone writing this this. The ADHD, Dyslexia, the brain disease, the depression and anxiety,and everything else that's going on inside and outside.. it is ALOT.. all of this. I can't blame you. Even so, it's a love letter, no hate, and I hope you are able to find that tone. I wrote it not just for me but hopefully for you too. Only if you want,of course. If it doesn't resonate, you can leave or dissociate 😅. It's all your choice. Free will is the last free thing we have in this world... I show you mine if you show me yours.)

Okay, to the point. 👇👇👇 ▶️

To me, anyway, it is the mind and emotions being repressed or "compressed" to the point where our mentality wants peace. The mind tells the body, "It's okay, let's rest now." The two sides of the same coin never be able to see eye to eye. Never looking at that counterpart of ourselves. I understand logically and technically that it is all the same. One mind, one body - but I was also taught those little phrases like "divide and conquer" or "strength in numbers," typically in the context of the outside world. Which some how, now, rings ture inside when the outside world or all the people in it are all so out of alignment.

"I believe the choice to be excellent begins with aligning your thoughts and words with the intention to require more from yourself."

It must be so lonely in many minds. Especially in a time there are so many of us trying to survive but also connect from the loneliness that has come from living in this bar-less prison. I know it wasn't the people of today's design, and it definitely doesn't hold the same intentions as it once did. It definitely has to do with the emotions we are taught in order for us to survive that have led us and continue to lead here. Greed. Anger. Jealousy. ..

We come into this world unknowingly, smooshie and unknowing of "skills" needed to survive on our own just weeks after our birth (Most animals can walk before we even fully open our eyes). We need people. We need love and care. We need to be both the knowledge and the feeling that guides us and each other. You can't connect love and care together if hate holds ones space. You can't build a bridge with no bolts.... thoses sayings start to ring even louder inside when wanting to recover what we've lost.

"If you build it, they will come"

also knowing that ...."Rome wasn't built in a day" .

For myself, you can't expect your reality to be much better than the foundation of yourself you lay it on. Your Roman Empire, that which takes up the space of your mind, (rent free even 😅) aside from the silly little memes and saying, or whatever else we try to fill it with to escape this place; it will only be as good as the person constructing it. I find it hard to understand the wants for professional finishes when asking someone who hasn't learned the criteria yet... How can you learn the "criteria" when both students and teachers fear each other? ⏯️

(What is meant by this is we expect everyone to know everything right off the hop instead of educating them. Everyone want a doctor not a master. A journeyman not an apprentice. A chef not a linecook. I could go on forever...)

* If there's a misunderstanding, I apologize, I a knack for long- winded metephors. I know I said I was getting to a point. This pin cushion of a brain has many points in it 🪡 and the written word for the dyslexic machince is the slowest when sewing words together. Haha, I'm sure you're keeping up."

To speak plainly for a minute; We need to be able to work together and learn together if there is any kind of hope that things get better, not just for the 1% (that's a minority I might add 😅🙄...) and get better for the majority of us. The Me and the You. Those two sides of us need each other in order, not only for us as an individual organism but as a collective in habitance to thrive and survive. We need that reconnection. Mind and body. Thought and Consqence. Head and Heart. The physical masculine that provides and the feminine mentality that nutures.

Nuture vs. Nature? You vs. Me? The world against itself ?

No.. it used to be nature vs. us. Us against the world! You and me, "the world is our oyster." And as we no longer live in nature and we're out of touch, we still kill the environment (oysters included) that produced us. We are to blame. The tag reads; Product of Society, Made on Earth. Can't Wash Clean. All this doesn't mean we aren't inheriantly bad. We were just taught the brutal side of emotions and actions that we have used to survive in a word that has become scared of it's self.... Scared of families that raised us but couldn't understand us. They were scared of people who had no reason to harm but simply did because they were hurting too. Even scared of the "families" we built as grown people. Find out they are just trying to climb that ladder to a more comfortable survival.

Scared is scarred; you just haven't held the mirror to what makes you scared to see that you're really only seeing red... be that from anger or just from the wounds of being human... It takes care in, learning and unlearning yourself for and from the "betterment of (hu)man" ,(i like to of the "hu" was "here united", not "here unwanted") . Maybe blood is thicker than water. Whether you look at it as an individual or a structured group. I find that there is something special, though, even "magical" about extending ourselves and coming together.. It's funny how sayings change of the years and become so forgotten..

"The blood of the coven is thicker than the water of the womb"

*That doesn't change the strength of the womb! Im sure you can ask any woman who has given birth. 😅 Family, or sense of it, is still very important! Wouldn't it be better if it was everywhere for real rather than just companies stating that just to make you feel like more than just a number ?... *

"We care…about our employees, their families, our local communities, the land/environment..." (what a load of bullshit)

We came into this world unknowingly,unknowing of survival, smooshie, and crying to be heard. We came in needing each other.. we need guidance, not only, from our mental and physical sensations of self but also guidance that comes from the love and care of the people in our everyday lives. I know it frowned upon, typically by the older generations, to think that feminine and masculine traits both don't reside as one, but rather either or. Those traits are just describing parts we all have ( not those parts sicko). It's seragation through these titles, (all titles to be more exact) and with it status and finance( that "we've" created) that keep us lost and lonely in a world of over 8 billion and counting. At the root of it all, though, we were just a village once and still are. Just as looking into a forest and seeing 8 billion poplar trees, most of them will come from the same root and the others will be entwined. That doesn't change the fact that,

" If tree falls down in a forest and no one is around to see it, does it still fall"... YES.

When one of us falls they pull up some of us and the roots we are entwined to. It's better when we hunker down together. Face the "winds of change" together.

"The world is closing in, And did you ever think, That we could be so close like brothers? The futures in the air, I can feel it everywhere. I'm blowing with the wind of change. Take me to the magic of the moment on a glory night. Where the children of tomarrow dream away.."

" Inner child" is a popular term now of days and we can see why when this is all brought to our attention. Some of us never got to be kids, and some of us simply had to hide as kids. When I say "some," I know it's not a light number because of how many of us are.... You'd probably think the opposite from that statement, but when you really get down to, children truly have been and are the future.. but our children fought in wars for countries that did nothing for them or simply lived in counrties formed by strangers who didn't want them. Our children lived through mental depressions just as they had lived through "The Great Depression". They lived through housing collapses, food shortages, and lack of clean water that they had no involvement in. They've even lived through the loss of "common sense" simply just to the vast amount of us there are. (You couldn't even begin to comprehend the amount that "common knowledge" we had and didn't use, and now just expect everyone to have it.. (All we had, and continue to have, is a sense of entitlement.) They've been the ones "sick and tired of this shit and abuse" because all that happened after was; they got bigger, learned a little more, gathered some skills, and had better hand-eye coordination.. In a sense, I guess they earned it is entitlement but you have too. They (we, you, and me) called themselves a "title of responsibility" (whatever that means 🙄). All just to take care of the ones that put them through all that. Adults.

"Honor thy mother and father." ....

Should really be "Honor thy Children as you are all."

Whether we believe we are Children of God(s) or children of Earth, science, or stars. We are simply just that. Children. Even though some are gone at the hand of others, they're not forgotten, and the others are still here. You, me, we are still those children trying to survive. We're still trying to figure out the world that other children built. Just as I'm sure you still see some "adults" that act like children, I am equally as sure that we need to protect, love, take care and nurture, not only the young but the younger versions of ourselves. Maybe then we can see people not acting as such but more as human. It's tough enough to take care of ourselves now of days, let alone to raise a child alone.

"It's takes a village to raise a child."

That is real what we started as. A village and a child. We just complicated it through numbers and communication. All necessary, don't get me wrong. We just forgot the simplicity in life. We are a problem solving species, but we've created all the problems we try to solve and say that we're simplifying things.

"Keep it simple stupid"

I had a teacher once who would ask us, "What is the difference between a mountain and a hill?" Everytime we would try to explain, [this was before Google.( that makes me feel so old for only being 27)]. Those examples would range from; one is dirt the other was rock or one is on the coast and the other is inland. All may have been valid (I've honestly still never Googled it because I loved the answer she gave more). She would answer after our frustration of probably having the right answers all a long and say,

" The hill is just a small mountain."

So I say to you, "If you're looking to "move mountains, maybe we should try moving the hills first."

I dont want to live in a world of fear, anger, hurt, and abandonment. Do you? Is the abandonment of either internal or external, old and new generations, feminine or masculine, societal thought or personal choices as healthy as being together and whole? I might add, in no way, does this have anything to do with how you present yourself. ( " You are beautifuuuuul, in every single way, WORDS CAN'T BRING YOU DOWN OoOOOoOhhh") I find no joy or solace in taking away that which makes you comfortable in this form. It takes a lot, so if you're going to be comfortable in this uncomfortable life, i applaud you.

Others "want to see us each, just not at their table." And others just simply don't want to see us "eat". But do you feed you? Do you feed your table? Do you want to sit with us? "On Wednesdays, we wear pink." ( Not in a Regina George way though, I promise you, you're fetch enough even to bring that word back. ) All I ask is if I don't know you or about the things that make you, you. Don't get angered. Maybe you can find joy or gratitude in being able to teach people about you. As for blatant disrespect, that is not something I myself align with. I write about this in another one of my posts, but being offended (to me anyway) is a choice of perception, obviously aside from the blatant disrespect as mentioned above and disrespect is disrespect. We find it easy to be offended and shut each other out rather than take the time to teach. I know you might not see it as your responsibility. That's effort. Effort that shouldn't just be ours on our own. So why do we expect people to teach and learn on their own. "Be the change you want to see in the world."

Even better; "I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways."....

"No message could have been any clearer. If you want to make this world a better place, you have to look at yourself and make the change."

NO ONE IS PERFECT. There is no such thing, but with learning, I will only ever have more questions that come with trying to "perfect"myself.

( perfectionism based down, " I got it from my momma" 🤫 It's an one is perfect in heirloom, none refundable, at this point no matter how hard it "practice what I preach").

New things will always need pacience to be understood; Does fearing and hating our child/ peer/ parents for something make us feel wholeness? Be it, not nurturing them the way they need or never being nurtured yourself . Does it truly make us feel understood, mentally and physically, trying to push negative thought processes that are outdated or ones in their infancy on to others? Be it from generational trauma or simply just good ol' fashion trauma (everyones proception of pain is different. ) Pain still shapes us as much as love. Pain is a part of growing, finding out who we are and where we fit. Then and now. In our former years, we figured out our disinterests and our likes but if you're told it's wrong to like something because it's pink or blue, black or white, here or there then you're probably really gonna want to become or connect with what is "allowed" to like that thing you so desperately connect with or you' re gonna end up hating it or being taught to. Especially when you can't connect to the people, and in turn, the things they want for you. Instead of caring for understanding that care in understanding, it's just a color, place, or another person in a world of people... In this misunderstanding, it comes down to building Rome out of sugar instead of stone. The time it takes to truly put all the bricks together it gets washed away in the invetabled rains of life... It starts feeling like we're down to the wire.. ⏸️

*I really do apologize for the length of this. The Charter of Rights and Freedoms or the Constitution is shorter ffs. I promise I'm almost done. I'm playing 52 pick up with many pins, remember the cushion has ADHD.*

In this time when a mirror, be it the sparkling ones in our bathrooms or the black ones we sit and click behind;" is the best thing since sliced bread" , just know you are seen with out them. The water used to be our looking glass. We've forgotten that, too, I guess. But just as you are made of it, (mostly form it) and it of "you." (That crazy pin point in space sure shit out a lot. Sorta like this letter. Sorry, not sorry😅)

"I'm looking at you through the glass. I don't know how much time has passed, but God, it feels like forever. And no one ever told you that forever feels like home sitting all alone inside your head.."

This might just be a silly way to word it, but just as some are certain, they're a fan of a team from a city they never even lived in or played for or owned. Some are certain in other small things that make up live. Do you really know you're a fan? How do you know? Does your liking for that team mean you're from that city? or does it just mean you like the players or the colors? I assume, as a "true fan," you've watched them since you were a child. No one ever told you that wasn't for you. Or that your choice of liking a certain one made them uncomfortable. I'm guessing that if your father likes the Toronto Mapleleafs, then you have to too?😅. Probably not, eh? Your likes are yours, mine are mine we can still live together, love together. Even watch "hockey" together. It feels so, so simple. Why does it have to be so, so hard? Is there a lack of all this? Why is there so much anxiety now of days?nill probably always have these questions with the level of anxiety and depression I've be diagnosed with, hopefully you won't.Maybe there is truth in the meme about us not fighting the lions anymore more but our assumptions of the people we see in the grocery isle but at least we use to hunt together, gather together, learn and unlearn together. Live, breathe, and raise each other up as one love (not just singular) ....

If you made it this far, I appreciate you "hunting and gathering" with me some logic and sense through this rambling love letter ("gangster rap made me do it "🤪😅 Jking, mainly the love of all things). I hope you take care and nurture. I hope you love and forgive but never forget. Your health and happiness are a wealth above all. I hope you rise from the falls of your negatives to your positives in life. Just remember you need both, and intention is everything! This is all a gift from you, to you!

And so it is.✨️

@jera-algiz

[seeyouonsaturn]

MOAR PROWL >:3ccc

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

ask game

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Ex-Decepticon Prowl truther!! What's that visor hiding, buddy

They can take ex-con Prowl from my cold dead hands. He has a much darker color palette than any other autobot, his personality is entirely different from anyone else (brooding, loner, trust issues, not a team player), not to mention the headlights of his alt mode are red for some reason? Buddy?? Someone also mentioned that his hologram ability has "bad guy" vibes since it, well, deceives his opponent. I'm just saying.

Plus, the backstory episode would only need the most minor tweaking to be changed into Yoketron taking in a young Decepticon who's not fully committed to their cause/does not want to fight in their war, and teaching him a better way.

And it'd explain why Prowl took it so personally when that Starscream clone insinuated he had "Decepticon oil in his tubes" (phrasing it like that sounds so unserious). It also makes the parallels with Lockdown so much more delicious, if they've both changed sides but in opposite directions. Two sides of the same coin, perfect foils. Mmmmm

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

I mean, all the nature/animal ones are Prowl coded for obvious reason, but I'm gonna go with 🐦🪺🍃🌱. And idk how well it translates across devices, but 🏞 is really pretty, he'd like that.

Also 🏍. Can't leave that out.

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

Yikes I am SO bad with fashion stuff, I know nothing. There's the obvious japanese/ninja/samurai aesthetic (I'm not good with words but you know what I mean), or like. Black leather biker jacket. Because bike. Either way, he'd def wear exclusively black/dark colors just for the Vibe. Unless he finds a shirt with a pretty nature/animal print, in which case he'll happily wear that with a completely deadpan expression while everyone else stares at him. Good for him. Wear clothes that make you happy!

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

Prowl x Me. Listen he's mine I am biting I am biting–

The only not-me character I can tolerate is Bird because she's my precious daughter and Prowlbird has such a hold on me. But she's still my oc, so. Y'know. Anyone else is gonna have to back off or I will be forced to turn my back upon the laws of this land 😔

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

I'm too non-sharing to be fine with any ships, they all make me too uncomfortable and sad. Very nope. However I'm a JazzProwl truther in any other continuity so if I HAD to pick a ship, it'd be that. Jazz is a cool guy. I'll trust him, if I have to. Treat him well.

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

Gonna go with Yoketron for this, I love their relationship and I wish it could've been explored more. I need a whole series of just Prowl's training. Yoketron straight up domesticated that man like a feral cat he adopted against its will. He's so real for that.

Everything Prowl's taught me when I was a kid, he learned from Yoketron first. I'm not entirely sure what that makes him to me, but I do know there is a special bond. Thank you sensei, I am forever in your debt.

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

I'm gonna get cancelled for this but I'm gonna say it anyway. Bumblebee needs to leave this poor mech the fuck alone, every time he purposely scares away a critter Prowl was watching or disrupts his meditation I am overcome with the need to strangle a bug. And I like Bee! I promise I do! But god fucking damnit he's such an ass to Prowl for no reason.

[maximuswolf]

Kasta - (Fairy Tale Black Paint) (Rap/Hip-hop)

Kasta - (Fairy Tale “Black Paint”) (Rap/Hip-hop) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNui08B3SGk&ab_channel=%D0%9A%D0%B0%D1%81%D1%82%D0%B0Hello everyone. First post here, so hopefully I get everything right.Just discovered this song, and there's something very soothing and weirdly unnerving about this song, so I thought I'd share. Evidently it's in Russian, so I took the liberty to translate it (in my own interpretation), so that whoever listens to it will have a deeper understanding of this. Obligatory: I am not related to the artist, and am posting this of my own volition because I liked it.Lyrics:[Verse 1:]— Good day. Is this a paint shop?— Strange to ask. You walk in, not call—Surely you see where you are?— Do you have black paint?— Of course. Usually by autumn, the other colors run out,But black, we restock year-round—Fences, gates… so many uses. How many cans do you need?You seem an earnest fellow—Though I’ve shut the till, for black it’s never too late.Here it rests on the shelf by the window,So how many should I wrap for you?She gleams in the last September sun,Jars lined up like Heaven’s gates—Honey-sweet in their own way, but all is black within.— Pardon me… do you have anything blacker still?— Blacker still? How so?— I need it deep as a southern midnight,So dark, no light can pierce,Sealed tighter than a coffin’s lid—Stranger yet, like the ocean’s below-floor gloomWhere not a single heart beats,No letters exist to form the word “sun.”— I see. We don’t carry that shade.— Could you call around?— Possibly by summer, one of our depots…— I need it now!— You are earnest indeed!All right, we’ll head out; I know a man.We’ll speed by land and valley—by dusk, we’ll arrive.I’m the youngest brother; the middle one’s shopWaits on the village outskirts.Why the seatbelt? Are you afraid?See, soft grass paves our route;On the right, the ravine, on the left, a grove.We’ll be there soon—sleep if you like.[Verse 2:]A well mirrors the sky. Ash settles on chickens.Late sun sets. Two brothers embrace.The middle brother narrows his eyes:— Yes, I have paint. Speak your need.— Hello again! Let me explain…— Don’t rush—time’s our ally.— Of course. I can barely phrase it—Picture dangling your feet off a black hole’s edge,Then double your fear and blind darkness—Now leap where bottom and top are none.That’s the depth of black I crave,At that hole’s brink.The middle brother ponders,Spits at the dark oil spots:— Understood.The youngest brother spits as wellInto the frosty air:— I said he was earnest.The middle brother disappears, returns bearing a can:— Found it. This is the limit—our finest.Enough for a mortal’s need.But your quest, I sense, calls for more.Come now, let’s drive on to our eldest brother.[Verse 3:]Long they traveled—fences, gates,Cemeteries upon cemeteries, barbed wire for miles,Leading to a forest’s heart.There stands a house with no windows, blanketed by fallen leaves.The younger two brothers, and their eldest—together.— You think this black you seekCould coat overAll that befell your distant land?What sort of miracleDo you hope our family trade can grant?Ten generations will fade, ten more be born—You’ll not uncover paint so black.Had you studied color theory,Not spent your red summer in idle song,You’d know red can’t be smothered by black,And clubs don’t devour hearts. On the contrary:Worms rise skyward to consume each field and furrow,Black holes all, devouring yesterday whole.So return to your home, proud falcon—Or remain here in this windowless house.Perhaps we pluck out your eyes?We are not beasts, are we? We’d gladly help,The brothers say.[Verse 4:]— I see now.You don’t have my black. Still, I’m grateful to have met you.Do you by chance have a father somewhere? In fairy tales, three brothers—— No father here, we live without.Perhaps we were born alone,In soot and ash, clawing what we canWith wary eyes.We scrape coins together, selling paint.— Understood. Farewell then… what else can be done…Wait—do you have white paint? Submitted January 20, 2025 at 05:19AM by PsychoLife https://ift.tt/E0PebJo via /r/Music

[kallmaker]

I Stand with The T - Public Thread

I Stand with The T - Public Thread preserved from the implosion of Bird Site. Trans people are part of this cis lesbian's queer family.

Why This Post

The post below captures a thread I released on eXTwitter on May 2, 2022.* It’s been roughly 18 months since and I wouldn’t change a word – except the misuse of “whose” in the second paragraph. My account there is dormant.

There are so many lies and intellectually dishonest “What Ifs” being told directly to us, by some of us, about our trans family. It’s their goal to make us feel as if someone else's rights come at the expense of ours. This is the antithesis of feminism and there is nothing radical about it. It's the same old same old same old.

As I've said for years, rights must be universal or they're not rights.

Sisters of the Pen who Shaped Me

My philosophy around these complicated issues comes from learning the words of Judy Grahn, Joan Nestle, Joanna Russ, Octavia Butler, and Dorothy Allison. And so many more. Their fortitude, brilliance, and ability to sit with complexity without being numbed or overwhelmed into inaction are beacons of unity and love in a fractured world.

I am also grateful to my younger kid, who says, "I had a wonderful girlhood and grew up to be a man." It's inspiring to see him pulling together threads of himself that weren't working well together and now increasingly are. His example speaks loudly to me, especially that when I ask what seems a simple question, his first response is, "Well, yes and no. A lot and only sometimes. I can't speak for everyone about that."

I can't speak for everyone about that. A reality that influencers on social media oft ignore when stirring up the coin of their realm: Anger and Fear.

I Miss the Sapphic Community of eXTwitter

Please follow me at any of these sites:

Facebook Threads Bluesky

  Over the past year, the sapphic community on the former Twitter became an oasis of normal in a vast morass of bigotry and "free speech" with the sole intent of bullying others into silence. The monkey-poo-barians were and are at the proverbial gates, which left me feeling anxious and unsafe though I was nearly always among friends.

Since the site has deleted accounts for mainstream journalists, non-partisan sources, and dissenting influencers who pointed out a business model now profiting off hate speech and violence, it's clear our presence there is merely tolerated, as if they simply haven't gotten to us yet. I'm not going back to living like that - it didn't feel good to be at or use the site anymore though I dearly care about the people there.

I posted my "Goodbye Twitter, it's not me, it's you" farewell in September of last year. I have copies of content posted there, and this is one thread that I simply didn't want to lose behind their paywall.

I Stand With the T Thread (unedited)

A thread about LESBIAN. It's long, sorry/not sorry. I #StandWithTheT, people.

I'm a 60+ cis woman whose been a lesbian for 90% of her life. It took me years to say lesbian without inwardly flinching. I fought to use the word and use it proudly. It's my power word.

It's because I have lived with my hard-won lesbian identity all these decades that I can't fathom NOT standing with trans and bi people now.

I didn't arrive at this understanding easily. It took work, help, and mistakes, all of which was worth it in every way.

In yesteryears, we had to make places to be safe. When you claim space, the world wants it back. So we put up walls for the safety of those on one side of them.

There is no wall that will keep out the future, especially a future you've helped bring about. And here we are.

To anyone trying to use LESBIAN as a brick in another wall: I have seen your kind before. You're descendants of the lesbians that told me how I *ought* to like sex or what I *ought* to read, and who I should shun and hate.

You're the same ilk as lesbians who coined phrases like "gold star" and waged forever tedious arguments about what a "real" lesbian is.

If you police other people's identities, you're saying it's okay for others to police you. I read that in the 80s, FFS.

I see you terrifying yourself with one-off examples of some dude who behaved badly to justify your malignant attacks on millions of people as well as your bad faith, intellectually dishonest hand wringing.

This peril you feel is not because a trans person wants to pee.

I get that it's easier to attack people - especially those who can't punch up - instead of ideas. It's easily monetized for one thing.

Fighting ideas means dealing with icky nuances and complexities, and I am right there with you wanting the world to go back to being SIMPLER.

Well, the world never was simpler.

Part of lesbian struggle and history has always been about ENDING gender limitations. Any way a woman can be is therefore the way women are, remember?

Marriage was withheld from same sex couples because of sex boxes on marriage license applications.

Jobs, education, credit, wages - all withheld from women because we were forced to mark F on forms, and that F was legally sanctioned way to police and enforce how we behaved.

The first person I heard argue that her sex did not belong on a job application was a butch lesbian.

Other feminists made this point too, but the emphasis on defying and breaking gender norms was all lesbian for me. I've been "refusing to state" whenever possible for decades.

The evolution of thinking around individual identity has grown exponentially with each subsequent generation. It confounds and blurs the ever-present rules about how any of us can be in the world. It is, in part, *OUR* doing. It. Was. The. Whole. Point.

I am completely aware of our struggles as lesbians, and I know how much heart, blood, sweat, tears, and loss went into creating a Lesbian Nation.

I honor that and was in the smallest way part of it. I am still L.A.B.I.A.: Lesbian Against Boys Invading Anything.

It takes nothing away from the extraordinary achievements of generations of activist lesbians to say our movement was not perfect.

We walled people out because of who they loved or because their journey to a queer life was different from ours. Also true: We changed the world with only our will and persistence because it wasn't like we had money. We fought for every scrap of space to breathe.

Other queer people need space to breathe.

Ask yourself who is making you feel as if it's YOUR air they are taking.

Spoiler: It's the same people it's always been. It's good for them if they pretend air is scarce and we fight over it.

This is an old lesson. Could all y'all hurry up with learning it?

Your attacks on the trans community in the name of lesbian solidarity and history betray both. Worse, they are attacks on yourself. The energy and anger you give to malice and lies about our trans family is coin in the pocket of the same people who WILL come for you next.

The same people who happily point you at the rest of us to make money and consolidate power are targeting trans people like they targeted "Adam & Steve" in the 00s, "Sluts" (women who refuse men) in the 90s, AIDS victims in the 80s, "Groomer" pedophiles in the 70s...

In the language of feminism, you are complicit in your own oppression. Your harm to yourself is harm to our entire community. It weakens all of us and makes it easier to send us back into closets to breathe the scarce air. Again, could y'all hurry up and learn this lesson?

For my trans and bi friends who are tl;dr, some lesbians use "lesbian" in an ugly way to be ugly to you. I know you can't afford to ignore them. You're not alone in having eyes on them.

It seems more true every day: we only have each other. You know you're a writer when, in spite of a boatload of compliments and reactions, all you can see is the misuse of "whose" in the very first tweet.

* Thread Info

URL: https://twitter.com/Kallmaker/status/1521311057544814592 You must be logged in to see it, otherwise the site will tell you the page doesn't even exist. Comments were generally positive though some not-feminists said some ugly things. If respectful discourse didn't work, I blocked them; you may see their comments if you view the thread.

[perpetual-stories]

Dive in Deeper: Motif

Hello everyone! Long time no post!

I must deeply and sincerely apologize for not posting. I won’t create excuses and there are none to be honest (well there are some good excuses but even then lol).

I want to thank all my loyal followers for staying with me despite my inactivity.

So, I will just dive right into it!

Just a reminder these posts are explanations and in-depth conversation to a previous post I had made.

So go check that out!! I am still going down the list of the 22 hehe.

Let’s begin!

What Is a Motif?

is a literary technique that consists of a repeated element that has symbolic significance to a literary work.

Sometimes, a motif is a recurring image. Other times, it’s a repeated word, phrase, or topic expressed in language.

A motif can be a recurring situation or action. It can be a sound or smell, a temperature, even a color.

The key aspect is that a motif repeats, and through this repetition helps to illuminate the dominant ideas, central themes, and deeper meaning of a story

How Motifs Work in Writing

Authors utilize motifs for multiple purposes. Motifs can:

Evoke a mood

Illuminate main themes

Engage the audience on an intuitive level

Create unique symbolic meanings through repetition

Establish a pattern of ideas

What Is the Difference Between Motifs and Themes?

The concepts of motif and theme have some overlap, and occasionally you will hear people use the two literary terms interchangeably. Recognizing the distinction between the two literary devices, however, can enhance your appreciation of the craft of storytelling.

Themes are the main ideas of a work of literature. They represent the meaning or question behind the series of events that make up the narrative.

Motifs are recurring elements that point to these themes. In other words, motif is a tool used to craft theme. While themes are abstract and conceptual, motifs are tangible and concrete.

If a story features repeated images of handwashing, mopping floors, and refreshing rain, then these images of cleansing water are a recurring literary motif. A theme of the story might be “the desire for purification.” The theme is a matter of interpretation, open to debate, but the motif is an indisputable pattern in the text.

What Is the Difference Between Motifs and Symbols?

Motifs frequently incorporate symbols, but a symbol is not always a motif.

A symbol is an object that represents something else. A red rose can represent romance. A crown may represent power. A gold coin represents wealth. A dove represents peace. And a snake, depending on its use, can represent either poison or fertility.

Motifs are often symbols. The famous green light across the water in F. Scott Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby is both a symbol — representing what Gatsby desires but can never fully reach — and a motif, reappearing at multiple key moments in the novel.

A symbol can appear just a single time in a story.

To constitute a motif, by contrast, an element must appear repeatedly.

In William Shakespeare’s Hamlet, Yorick’s skull is an obvious symbol of death — or more specifically, as Hamlet discusses aloud, the inevitability of death. But since Yorick’s skull is the only skull to appear in the play, the skull is not a motif.

5 Famous Examples of Motifs

To help you get more familiar with motifs, are a few motif examples from famous works of film and literature:

The Godfather films: In Francis Ford Coppola’s Godfather series, oranges are a visual motif. Oranges are repeatedly featured on screen just before a character dies. Outside of these movies, oranges have no established relationship with death—in fact, citrus fruits are more likely to be associated with warmth, sunshine, sweetness, and life. But by repeatedly placing oranges in close proximity to characters’ demises, the films establish oranges as a recurring motif related to the theme of death. This unique motif creates a compelling tension between death and the vitality and energy one ordinarily associates with fruit. The orange motif hints at one of the central ideas of Coppola’s films: that death is inevitable, and can come at any moment, no matter how eagerly one clings to life.

Hamlet: In William Shakespeare’s Hamlet, the language of decay is a verbal motif, expressed in recurring language. In Act V, while holding Yorick’s skull, Hamlet observes: “Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft.” Earlier in the play, he comments that both kings and beggars will be eaten by worms, and compares human conception to “breed[ing] maggots in a dead dog.” This repeated language of decay speaks to two of the play’s themes: the mystery of death, and the corruption of institutions.

Jane Eyre: In Charlotte Brontë’s novel Jane Eyre, fire is a motif incorporated in the story’s imagery, language, and key plot incidents. Throughout the book, hearth fires evoke warmth and comfort; candlelight is described as dazzling and energizing; and passionate characters are described as “hot,” like “fire,” and “like Vulcan” (the Roman god of the forge). But fire is also presented as a dangerous force in the novel: fires cause two destructive events, while a major character’s pyromania embodies her mad, uncontrollable fervor. (Ice and coldness also constitute a contrasting motif in the novel, symbolizing the absence of emotion and tenderness.) Taken together, this fire motif represents strong emotion and love—feelings Jane requires for a full life, but which also have the potential for harm. Jane’s efforts to achieve the right balance of such powerful feelings is a major arc of her story.

A Tale of Two Cities: In his epic novel surrounding the French Revolution, Charles Dickens uses duality as a motif. Throughout the book, various characters, settings, and images have doubles or counterparts. For instance, the story takes place across two cities (London and Paris). Charles Darnay has his double in Sydney Carton, with whom he shares a physical resemblance. The two key female characters, Lucie and Madame Defarge, are opposites of one another. Indeed, the famous opening lines of the novel explore the idea of duality (“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”). This motif highlights the central themes of the book: the fragility of justice, and the possibility of redemption from the forces of darkness.

Slaughterhouse Five: Kurt Vonnegut’s novel employs a repeated phrase as a motif: “So it goes.” Vonnegut adds this phrase as a commentary on each death that occurs in the story, no matter how major or minor. This motif serves to reinforce one of the main themes of this and other works by Vonnegut: that regardless of our class, circumstances, or differences, death comes equally to all people. While this message may feel dark and depressing, Vonnegut interprets it differently, suggesting that by accepting the inevitability of death, we can live fuller lives and find common ground with others.

There you have it everyone! I hope you guys like this post and find it useful!

Please like, reblog and follow if you mind these posts useful!

[leiawritesstories]

No Swimsuits After Dark

Rowaelin Month, Day 14: Skinny dipping ;)))

Word count: 1264

Inspired by an actual sign on my relatives’ hot tub that says “No jumping, no diving, no swimsuits after dark.” Enjoy!

Warnings: language, implied sMuT, Fenrys Moonbeam

“Hell. No.”

“Hell yes!” Lysandra smirked. “Girl, you said you were up for anything. I repeat, truth or dare?”

Aelin sighed. “Remind me again why I got drunk enough to agree to this.”

Elide cocked her head at the red Solo cup in Aelin’s hand. “If that’s Lorcan’s punch…”

“Gods, you’re all horrible,” Aelin groaned. She took a long pull from the cup. “Fine, bitches. Dare.” 

An evil grin spread across Lysandra’s face. “You know the sign on the hot tub?”

“Yeah.”

“And you know how it’s like 1 am? Meaning it’s definitely dark?”

“No shit, I’m not drunk enough to be confusing night for…shit. NO.”

“YES. Hot tub, ten minutes, and since it’s after dark…no swimsuit.” She and Elide toasted each other and broke into an uncontrollable fit of giggles.

Aelin glared at her two best friends. “I hate both of you.”

“Nah, you loooooooove us,” snickered Elide. “Now strip and dip!” 

Lysandra spat out her drink. “Oh my gods, El, I’m stealing that phrase,” she wheezed. 

“Go ahead,” Elide grinned. “Ae, you gonna grow a pair and go skinny dipping or will we have to throw you into the hot tub?”

Aelin drained the rest of her drink and stood, pulling off her shirt. “I’m going, I’m going. Jesus, you think I wouldn’t take a dare? I am pretty damn drunk.” She tugged off her shorts when she got to the hot tub on the other side of the patio, leaving her underclothes with them. Quickly, not wanting anyone else to see her nude ass, she clambered into the tub, sighing as the hot water hit her skin. She closed her eyes, deciding to enjoy her impromptu soak in the hot tub rather than spend the whole ten minutes worrying another of her drunk idiot friends would stumble over and goggle at her. After all, the hot tub was gated off from the rest of the patio, and even though she’d left the gate slightly ajar, she didn’t think anyone currently at her house would be sober enough to remember it existed.

Not three minutes later, the gate squeaked open.

And a distinctly male, distinctly slurred voice, choked out a “Fuck.”

~

When Lorcan had asked Rowan if he wanted to go to Aelin’s house that night, he’d accepted like he always did, looking forward to another one of his best friend’s casual “family drinking nights,” as she’d coined them. 

Apparently this night was a joint girls’ and boys’ night, though, since Rowan had hardly got to say hello before Lorcan, Aedion, and Fenrys pulled him out to the fire pit for “bro time,” which meant shitloads of whiskey, too many shots, telling the stupidest jokes they knew until someone got hammered enough to laugh, and occasionally hearing drunk Lorcan moon over Elide. And, apparently, drunk dares.

He’d thought none of the wasted guys sitting around the fire pit could come up with anything worse than making Aedion steal the batteries from Aelin’s vibrator (a task that made Rowan blush red enough that he was glad for the cover of midnight darkness) until Fenrys aimed his empty bottle at him and slurred, “Go’shkin’dip.”

“The fuck, Moonbeam?”

“That translates to ‘Go skinny dipping in the hot tub,’ idiot,” Lorcan clarified. 

“Oh hell no!”

“Oh hell yes! What, don’t have the balls to do ten minutes alone in the hot tub? Might sober your drunk ass up, Whitethorn,” drawled Aedion. “After all, there is a sign posted on the gate saying that you can’t wear a swimsuit after dark.”

“Fine. I’ll go fucking skinny dipping. And then you, Salvaterre, can shove that bottle up your ass and see how long it takes for Elide to notice.”

Grumbling to himself, Rowan made it to the hot tub gate, barely noticing that it was ajar, dropped his shorts, and shoved the gate open. 

“Fuck.”

Already sitting in the hot tub, just as naked as him, was Aelin. 

His hands immediately covered himself, lest she see what his…reaction to seeing her nude in her hot tub was. 

Before he could back away, Aelin, her arms crossed over her chest, smirked at him. 

“You joining the party, Whitethorn?”

He was in the hot tub seconds later.

~

Sitting on the opposite side from her very drunk best friend, Aelin wondered if Rowan knew she’d seen exactly what he was trying to hide from her when he all but jumped into the hot tub. 

If she was maybe one shot drunker, she’d be the one jumping. But she had enough sobriety to tell herself that this was her best friend, no matter that she’s been madly in love with him for a long-ass time. Not to mention, she was drunk.

“Well…this is awkward.” Rowan finally broke the tense silence.

Aelin snorted. “Yeah. Part of me wonders if they set this up.”

“But everyone’s too wasted to have planned it.”

“Right.”

They were quiet for another moment, Rowan staring directly at her face, his eyes flickering with something Aelin didn’t want to name. 

“Ro, if you’re going to check out my rack, at least don’t try to hide it.”

His eyes jerked back to hers. “Your what?”

“My boobs, Rowan. Or are you too drunk to notice I have them?”

Those dark, green eyes dragged a path down her chest, stopping where the water hit her ribs. “I have never not noticed how hot your rack is. How gorgeous you are.”

Aelin’s breath caught. “You--”

“I’m drunk, Ae. You’re drunk. And drunk people tell the truest truths.”

“Then in the spirit of truth-telling, I am so fucking impossibly in love with you.”

It was his turn to go speechless. That emotion flickered through his eyes again, tinged with a darker flame. “You going to do something about it?”

Her lips were on his before he could smirk.

~

By the time Aelin strolled back over to the cluster of chairs on the patio, Lorcan, Aedion, and Fenrys had joined the girls. 

Elide, trying to hide that she was grinding in Lorcan’s lap, smirked at her. “That was a lot more than ten minutes, Ae.”

“Maybe I’m too drunk to tell time,” she grinned. “Much like you’re too drunk to be in public with your man.”

Rowan flopped down in one of the patio chairs. “Fuck, I need water. Ae, you got a water bottle?”

“Kitchen.”

“I can’t fucking remember where your kitchen is, Aelin.”

“And is that because you drank three whole bottles of shitty whiskey?”

“IT’S BECAUSE HE CAN’T REMEMBER ANYTHING EXCEPT YOUR--”

“Fen, if you finish that sentence, I will personally castrate and murder you, in that order,” Rowan growled. 

Aelin whacked Fenrys upside the head with a water bottle. “Get out of my house, Moonbeam. You’re not getting hungover on my couch again.”

He opened his mouth, probably to make another raunchy comment, saw everyone’s expression, and stood, weaving on his feet. “Lorky, will you drive me home?”

Lorcan and Elide stood on each side of him and headed for their car, calling out goodbyes. Aelin watched them go, shaking her head. 

Lysandra was smirking a smirk of pure evil delight. “Lorky.”

Aedion was wheezing. 

Rowan just grinned at Aelin. “Are you kicking them out, or am I?”

“Hey, hey, we’re leaving, no need to get territorial. I wouldn’t stay the night for all the money in the world, knowing that I’d hear you two on the other side of the house.”

She and Aedion were off before Aelin could swat her. 

Rowan tugged her into his lap. “Well, we’re alone now.”

“Mhmm.” And she fell asleep on his shoulder. 

Rowan chuckled as he walked her inside, telling little Whitethorn to calm down, they’d have plenty of time tomorrow. And the day after that. And the rest of their lives.

[caparrucia]

See, I don't disagree, necessarily. But you're responding to something I didn't say, per se.

I'm a writer too! I love feedback, all of it. My daily kudos mail is a great start to my day. Comments always make me smile.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with wanting engagement or with participating in fandom primarily for the sake of engagement.

My point is specifically and explicitly that AO3 is a website founded on the gift economy principle. AO3 is an archive. It's there to ensure whatever you choose to put there STAYS there, until you decide to remove it. And if you choose to remove it, it even gives you the option to let it remain, just unassociated with your name.

AO3 is not a systemic failure or an enabler of a conspiracy to destroy fandom because it doesn't gatekeep content behind engagement.

That's what my post was about and what explicitly triggered it: someone coining the phrase "comment tax" in relation to AO3, where you only get to access fic if you comment on a certain ratio of the fic you read.

And the writers in that conversation unironicallu thought that was a wonderful idea that could help against the "no engagement culture of AO3".

I find that asinine and stupid and if you need me to break down why, I will, though I hope it's eminently obvious.

I also think there's a real generational gap in how writers engage with readers and what writers consider engagement: I'm from a generation where the "you share so others can enjoy" was predicated on the fact you couldn't know if those people existed or not. To me, hits are amazing, because it means those hypothetical readers are real, and my formative fandom experience was... Not that. So to me hits themselves are engagement. Hits are acknowledgement and validation. The concept of kudos is brilliant to me.

I know fans from later generations, that grew up with interactivity in the internet consider hits and kudos meaningless, because their threshold of engagement goes beyond reading, and wants the reader to interact back. To take time and set up a bookmark or write a comment.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting that or writing purely for clout/popularity/engagement. I know people demonize it because they equate it with popularity contests but. That too is a way of doing fandom. And that's valid. At the core, I think that's just another way of seeking community in fan spaces and there's nothing wrong with that.

The thing that makes me itchy is when people generalize their interaction with fandom as universal. That what you seek from fandom is what everyone does, and that anyone who doesn't, is wrong or needs to be "fixed".

If fandom isn't giving you what you want, you can either change to match what gets what you want, or you can go find something else that gives you what you want without jumping through so many hoops. But like, no one is entitled to anything. The way people build conspiracies in their head about how they're slighted and then go on to lash out and try to punish others for it? Yeah, it's concerning.

Again, unironic use of the words "comment tax" in a conversation that started whining about the gift economy. The point of the gift economy is that giving is what you're in for. If you're in it for what you can get in return, that's just general transactional economy.

Writers, I love you but you're not entitled to an audience.

People are not obligated to read your work just because you posted it. There's no malign, evil conspiracy destroying fandom at the seams because you didn't get engagement.

AO3 is an archive. It means you put stuff in it, so it will be preserved. It's not the systems fault that you decided it was the Validation Machine instead, and that you convinced yourself it's a transaction that's taking place: you put in words, you get validation. It's not. It's an archive. That's it. That's all it is.

Posting stuff and getting comments or kudos or bookmarks are two completely distinct and separate things. Stop listening to the monkey brain trying to force a correlation. You're smarter than that. You deserve to not live like that.

Writers, your audience owes you jackshit.

But hey, you owe them about the same, so take comfort in that.

[predictable-affairs]

I ✯A flip of the coin, but both sides are the same...✯

They would have never thought, never expected for something like this to happen. Never, especially from a bride...

Oh, but how beautiful the doomed bride was, falling into the hands of those sadistic boys... And she didn't even last a month, what an unlucky soul she was.

Yet nor her beauty, nor her grace shocked those boys to their core, it was what she left behind. Whilst cleaning, throwing and burning belongings of the deceased bride, the brothers found something rather unsual.

In the midst of a pile of clothes, that Reiji detested every time he saw it, going as far as to threatning the poor bride to clean it. "It's uterlly deplorable and unladylike!" he'd say in his usal stoic voice. "Alright, I'll clean it, thank you Reiji." agreed the deceased girl, always closing the door right in his face. Reiji did threaten to clean it himself, which always got the bride to insist not to, appereantly it didin't seem to bother the other boys. It seems that his threats weren't empty, since he did end up, after all, cleaning it himself.

Oh an what did he, what did they find in tha pile of clothes?

A small, chuby baby girl.

A child of the bride.

She was quite little, but still, perhaps could crawl? Nevertheless, she stared up, with dusty pink cheeks and innocence that only a child could hold,  right at the boys around her, who surrounded her like flies on a rotting fruit. No talking, no crying, no whining, no protesting. Silence and a simple baby stare.

"How did she manage this?", "How did we not notice?!" were the question spinning like pretty ballet dancers in the heads of the vampires, but the most important one - "What should we do?".

A simultaneous question that popped like a red ballon realeasing acusations, opinions and confusion in everyones heads.

What should they do?

"I say we keep it!"

Is the first harsh voice of the fiery Ayato, whose hair could compete with his attitudes ego.

"No way!" next protests Subaru.

"I don't know what you will do, but I will not let... it... grow up among, or become like any of us." continues reasioning the white haired boy.

"Oh, but it doesn't have to grow up a monster, dear brother." interjects another triplet - Laito.

" Yet sadly, I have to agree with you, we do not need to keep another mere human." shrugs the playful boy with an unusual statment, even shocking some of the brothers, but they'd never let their face betray them like that...  

He's usually the one who always wants more toys to play with, like a greedy child or an overworked bee.

"No! You are all wrong!" a fitty contradiction could be heard, almost from afar, or maybe right up close?

"We should keep it. I want to keep it!" the strict tone of voice comes from Kanato or perhaps his bear.

"Why? So you can torture it and turn it into another one of your dolls?" mocks Subaru, his pose getting a bit more uncomfortable.

The purple haired boy is in shock. Gripping his little brown bear, waiting to start a fight. How dare he say something like that?!

"If we are going to keep it, it will not be given to only one of us." interrupts a puzzeled, musing Reiji; like cold midnight water, extinguishing the growing new years flame, whose smoke was creating a violent atmosphere, so thick, that even honey would seem brethable enough to not drown in.

"So you agree, we should keep it?" harshly questions the flaming Ayato boy, his patience wearing thin; though insisde he was quite surprised. Does someone as stoic and stuck up as Reiji really agree to keeping a human and even a baby no less?

"No, of course not." offers no other words the mannered vampire, yet telling nothing new or surprising. Now with his gloved hand, which's white didin't differ too much from the pale of his hands, up to the chin, soothingly or maybe even camingly, carresing the face, helping to dose off deeper into his batteling thoughts of the situation he was put in just now.

"What about Shu?" continues questioning hopefully Ayato, for his prior hope just crumbled to calm ash.

Oh, the indifferent, lazy vampire Shu. The blond one of the group of brothers, the only one not in the circle, the only one peacefully resting on the pink covers of the many deceased brides bed, floating in a dream only accompanied by his music.

Or maybe it's something else, something more that he's listening to?  

Lazily opening one eye, hardly letting the piercing blue thats holds the whole of the ocean and it's destructive tides in it, peak through, quietly resting on the palms of his hands. Just as lazily as he opened his eye, just as slowly did he close it.

"I do not care." in an indefrent tone that rainly mirrors his mood, is the anwser that he bearly pushes out in a rusty, raspy voice, slowly qiueting down like an echo or a shadow in the back of a throat with every simple word. Indefrence - as predictable as Reijis opposition.

And so the question stands unanswered - what will they do?

Oh, the tension is growing thick, thicker than fog, thicker than otmeal.

Though the atmosphere of violence was quickly put out, a one of verbal fighting is about to break down.

Oh, and a fight did ensue.

So much yelling, from Subaru, opposing, not wanting to raise anything among them; from Kanato, wanting company for his bear - Teddy, and someone to dress up; from Ayato, emptily reasoning with Laito and Subaru on why they should keep them; and quiet giggles, yet as strong as others arguments; Reiji kept quiet, still deep in his thoughts.

The fight kept getting louder, like a shopping mall with big sales or a cafeteria with good food, yet it didn't seem to bother Shu, how unusual...

"We are not going to keep them!" like punches, harsh words are thrown around the room, a ball, bouncing off the soothing pink walls.

"So where do you suggest we leave them?!" more questions coming from blank faces with yeling mouths.

"Kill them!" another shout.

"We are not keeping them!" the final word, stern voice of Reiji, slowly quieting everyone down.

Was it confusion that suddenly struck the aura of the room or pure shock, nobody knew, but it did engrain a moment of peace, silence to the room. It's pink walls suddenly started to feel like matresses.

One, two, three... that's the count of a rich waltz, and that's how long silence ruled the room.

A waltz, a single waltz.

Yelling, again, crueller words and oppositions, it's good that the baby can't talk, or else their vocabulary would be that of a sailor.

So much commotion such a war between the brothers, it seemed that the rosy baby no longer exsisted.

And so through the yelling, through the war of unpieced words and calmless attitudes, for better or worse, for against or by Reijis last words - it was decided.

They will keep her. They will keep the rosy cheeked baby.

And so, her adventure began.

"What... is it?" comes a small, tiny question from a unknown asker in a quiet little voice.

Everyone is silent, no one seems to have considered that question.

,,It's... a girl..." comes an equally akward anwser also from an unknown source.

Well, now her adventure can definetly start.

And so she grew up amongst the six boys, each one slowly, but surely taking a liking to her.

Whether it was the messy baths that Reiji gave the baby girl (which infurated him to no end; "A bath is supposed to be clean! How does one manage to make it so messy!" - a frequent phrase circling his brain like a dark taxi), the calming naps, that Shu took with her (annoying him when she cried waking up, to the point where he gave her a nickname to soothe her that sticked to this day), or maybe the play sessions with Kanato (which always seemed to put a giggly smile on her face, except when he got angry, then they'd both have a screaming, crying fit), the reading lessons with Laito (effectivelly putting her to sleep, yet he woke her up everytime and even in the midst of tired crying - he'd continue teaching her to read), perhaps the physical fun with Ayato (not once letting her win any games, even the one where he tought her how to walk. But that doesn't mean that there weren't any, though who is he to ever admit that?) and possibly the gentle feeding of Subaru (who had more trouble with it than he'd like to admit), that made them slowly grow accustomed to her, they will never know.

It seemed that each brothers compliance helped the others in return, like a mirror or an open letter passed around in a circle, each one slowly grew a soft spot, and even, dare I say, some attachment to her.

Such unusual behavior for a vampire (was it something in her or just them growing weak? - no one pondered), maybe thats why they never said a word to their father?

There was one thing the boys forgot to do - give her a name.

When this point was made, another fight almost ensued. Who should get to name the baby and what will they name them - the two mischievous questions that almost started a fight as if it was a race. Yet, just before the whistle was blown for words and saliva to start flying, a name issued, suggested by Laito, caught the attention of many, especially, since Ayato got very insisting on it and with a hiding blush - Subaru quietly agreed on.

The decesion was made, and the vampires named her (y/n).

They watched her grow up, always keeping her company, playing games and teaching what they wanted to. But they weren't the only ones who watched her. She also observed them.

As she learned to walk and speak, as she started writing her name in better hand writing, getting older with each and every birthday, she saw all the brides come and go, the way they were treated and how they never lasted (yet she stayed obliviuos to that she too, was a child of a bride long lost).

Obviuosly not just one or two brides tried to make friends with the girl; sometimes in the hopes of escape or sometimes just in hopes of finding a friend, someone "normal", someone to vent to.

At first (y/n) felt sorry for the brides, consoled them even.

But as time went on, as she kept getting older the reoccurences started to anger her.

She began despising the brides, how dare they speak the most attrocious lies, talk such foul things about the boys?! They would never do things that they vent of! And insulting them that way, it made her want for them to leave faster.

She hated how with each bride she'd get less attention, than when she was alone with the boys. She hated the brides, their lies and pesuasion of escape. Where would she go? And more importantly - why would she go? They were kind to her, good, they took care of her why would she ever want to run. And after one particular incident, an escape in which she was dragged in and almost lost the mansion, her... family, forever! (Y/n) completely stopped interacting with the brides.

That was the childhood of a lost brides child, but her fate, history, was yet to be made.

                                                       ↢ What time is it? | II o’clock ↣

[my-darling-boy]

Right sorry I have to vent about something. I didn’t really want to post this but Oh Well it’s bothering me and I hope I’m not the only one who feels like this.

What I thought was me obsessing over a little mistake I made at work was actually the tip of the iceberg to this terror I feel internally realising as I get older, I’m required by society to mask my autism more and more because they see you as an inconvenience. But now that I’ve created this Highly Socially Convenient version of myself to fit into other people’s social standards, especially in the workplace, I can no longer make mistakes without people attributing them to laziness or carelessness or “stupidity”. It’s one of the many examples of people assuming “if I can’t see something, it doesn’t exist.” I’m constantly assessed with the “but you don’t LOOK autistic!” You shouldn’t have to know I’m autistic to start treating me with more care and respect.

If a customer is having trouble with the keypad, I don’t rip the thing around and jam their card in, annoyed. If a customer can’t hear me very well, I don’t roll my eyes when I have to repeat myself. If a coworker doesn’t understand how to use a register function, I don’t sigh heavily and shove them aside to fix it. Everyone is always apologising for making mistakes with their payment options or having to run back cos they forgot something or for “taking so long” or for doing this or that. People are sweating hurriedly counting out coins and notes and apologising but you don’t need to hurry! Take your time!! My line might be long but I know when I rush counting money, I get it wrong cos I can’t focus sometimes in chaotic, loud environments.

I’m so used to apologising for things I do as an autistic person and when I see others doing the same, I say they don’t have to be sorry. The checkstands are not easily accessible to understand or operate. People are rude and rushing. We’re wearing masks so it’s harder to hear/see facial expressions. Literally none of this is person’s fault, and yet they’re apologising like the checkstand or their communication style or even the angry customers behind them are their fault. And I do the same thing. The one thing I say ALL DAY LONG is “I’m sorry.” I say it so often that half the time I’m not even sure why I’m apologising, all I know is things that are out of my control are usually pinned as “my fault” somehow so I just say I’m sorry all the time. I’m apologising, the customer is apologising, my coworker is apologising, we’re all just so sorry for having to be in a building that isn’t meant to accommodate anyone.

Most of my interactions at work involve me making sure I’m being as accommodating as I can to who I’m speaking with because rarely are people accommodating towards me and I don’t want to make others feel like they’re an inconvenience the way I’ve been made to feel like one. I know by default that something that is easy for one person may not be easy for another person. And if an allistic person cares to think about this at all, it’s so bizarre to me that they assume it means a person is careless, lazy, or irresponsible.

I work retail and talking to people is literally my job, but it’s usually not an issue so long as they fit a social script in my head. Tasks are repetitive which means I learn them fast and perform them fast. When left alone, I resort to tasks I was shown how to do: clean, collect, etc. I follow instructions, ask questions. I’m always told I’m such a “competent, responsible employee” for this, even though 80% of my motivation for doing these things are out of constant fear of hidden consequences if I don’t do exactly as I’m told. And if someone starts saying I’m their favourite closer or the fastest cashier or the most helpful employee, I only get nervous about how disappointed this person would be in me if I showed any ounce of something different if one day I had a shutdown at work.

I wouldn’t know how to tell anyone why sometimes I’m a minute late to work for a few days, or why I lost track of time doing X, why X took me so long, why suddenly I don’t make a lot of conversation, why I suddenly lose ability to multitask, or why I keep making silly little mistakes when I “seem like such a good employee who can stay on top of things.” Sometimes I genuinely don’t know if I’ve done something wrong! There are grey areas of employment and social interaction that will always confuse me no matter what. Instead of taking just a moment to explain something I did incorrectly, or just take 10 seconds to show me how to do something, people right away are predisposed to snapping at you and being rude without so much as a little explaination to help you. And if they’re going to snap at me for a small question, how could I ever bring up something more? When? How? When a customer I’m not understanding is giving me a hard time, do I give into them and give them the discount they wanted and possibly get in trouble or do I call over a manager who is going to scold me for not understanding them?

There doesn’t seem to be a lot of space to discuss being autistic to anyone or time to dismantle stereotypes. I feel like I have to keep putting on a presentation and suppressing parts of myself or force myself to conform to allistic standards that make me uncomfortable while allistic people would never think about accommodating mine. I’ve heard so much offensive language towards autsitic people from basic team members, management, and customers at every job I’ve ever been at. And when something like that is THAT widespread and ingrained to how these people think, where and how do you even begin to address it? Who do you talk to? Who’s to say the person meant to handle these things at work isn’t making R word jokes minutes later?

Every job I get hired at assures me that I will be treated fairly, to the same standard as other employees. But to me, there seems to be something Off about fairness when it comes to performance. The problem is, the model of that standard is often a person who is not autsitic. I see it in the way supervisors walk up to me when I can’t get something to scan. I see it in the way they squint accusingly at me behind their mask if I need something explained more. I see it in the way coworkers have attributed their “stupid mistakes” to being “the r word”. They critisise lack of verbal communication or eye contact, they sigh when things need to be phrased differently, they stand impatiently while you’re trying to figure something out. In the break room, I hear people left and right laughing about or getting irritated over customers who are described as doing some of the things I do. I’ll always remember this one really nice customer who always came into the store and would put her items up on the counter slowly and would talk to you about her day, and I never had a problem with the speed at which she did anything because why would I? I don’t need to rush her, there’s no reason to. But a manager, after she had left one time, mimicked the way she spoke and said she was “the r word”. And I felt crushed.

No matter what a company says, in their eyes, we’re made to feel like the undesired. The inconvenience. The ones holding up lines or turning on the assistance blinkers at checkstands. There shouldn’t be people steaming behind us or snapping to go faster or shouting “Why don’t you understand?? Are you stupid??” I’ve found the discrimation against autsitic people in the workplace is a lot of times in subtlety, and to me it feels like what is being done to me isn’t noticable at first until I realise it’s eating away at me: the glares, the exaggerated sighs, the comments, the derogatory language. I always feel like someone standing outside a window while everyone else is on the inside. That’s what makes this type of treatment so insidious, because convenient for companies, they don’t have anything in their handbooks that protects me from their deeply imbedded practice of equating many traits of my autism with being an unsatisfactory employee. And usually by the time I’ve picked up on it, it’s too widespread for me to even sort out all that’s happened and I’m left feeling like I should just bear it. “Well then the job isn’t meant for you” someone might say. No, capitalist society doesn’t make room for people like me. In fact, I’ve never encountered a job that was meant for me. And I’m tired of having to say I’m sorry for myself and bend over backwards for capitalist “”””we’re a family”””” corporations and the society they’ve infected whom they’ve taught to not give two shits about people like me.