#to be clear not about the LOTR character but about the pet I lost last Tuesday

[theloveandhorrorhere]

Sméagol

Those bright black eyes

Looked up at me with such wonder

Those little hands in mine

The way you held onto my wrist

As I picked you up

Your tail so bushy

As you scurried around on my lap

You hid your face

In the crook of my elbow

And burrowed under my Hawaiian shirt

You clung to my back

And I felt the warmth of your body against mine

You must’ve felt so safe

In your little cave

In between my shirts

Because you visited it often

If I had known the last time I had held you

Would be the last time I ever held you

I never would’ve put you down again.

[theritualofourexistence]

Odes to Old Gods

I started this year intending to journal about things I survive. Then at the end of the year, I could look back on my challenges and think about them in a more positive way--wow, look at what I overcame! The plan was to document everything, both good and bad, so that I could think about them more as experiences and lessons learned than as... good and bad. 

Needless to say, I stopped keeping track of those things in April. 

Earlier this month, I pulled out the journal again to update the list. I ended up quitting on that too. 

I do think, though, that in a less chaotic year, thinking about my life this way would be good practice. So, here I am, sharing my list with you in the form of an end-of-year, wrap-up blog post. 

A few quick caveats: 

This year was hard for literally everyone except maybe Jeff Bezos. 

It is not healthy to compare challenges or struggles or suffering.

I am not sharing this because I am looking for sympathy... I believe that being vulnerable is a very important part of the human experience but we can all also use a reminder that we never really know all of what anyone is experiencing. We shouldn’t need that reminder to treat others with love... but the older I get, the more I think those reminders might be necessary.

Things I have survived in 2020:

- A bit of a stalking experience in January which has since been resolved.

- Losing my job, hunting for a new job, securing a new job, training for the new job.

- My first Harry Potter tattoo for my ten-year tattooiversary.

- The fires in Australia.

- An absolutely wonderful trip to NYC with my dad when I got to see both Beetlejuice and Hadestown and have an enormous strawberry cheesecake milkshake from Junior’s. 

- Losing Kobe Bryant.

- Parasite absolutely CRUSHING the Oscars.

- Having a really, really good visit with my grandparents in March before all hell broke loose. 

- Weinstein being convicted and sentenced.

[Everything after this point happened during a global pandemic.]

- Losing Grandmom. I was unable to attend her funeral and still have not had the chance to grieve this loss with my extended family. 

- Losing my health insurance.

- A Zoom party for my Grammy’s 80th birthday.

- Losing Breonna Taylor. And George Floyd. And so, so many others. This is the first year I have really committed to understanding the current race-related issues this country faces and BOY, do we have work to do.

- The stress but success of orchestrating a safe family trip so that I didn’t have to go an entire year without seeing my brother.

- Losing my shifts at my primary job due to virus-related concerns.

- Countless other family happy birthdays over Zoom.

- My 60-year-old mother returning to work face-to-face with a student population that largely ignores all virus-related guidelines despite her working tirelessly for months this spring to offer UHS providers an adequate work-from-home option. 

- Being diagnosed with hypertension.

- A nightmarish friend trip. Despite our best laid plans for a safe and healthy visit, Mother Earth decided to trap me 90 miles north of my best friends for 4 days. I eventually got to see them for about 12 hours and honestly, it was worth it. That is the only time I’ve gotten with them all year.

- Losing Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

- The selection of Amy Coney Barrett to the Supreme Court.

- Our sweet girl Clio being diagnosed with a seizure disorder and then coming down with a life-threatening upper respiratory infection. 

- Learning that my grandmother would be voting for Trump in the 2020 election.

- The actual election.

- Losing Rooster, my sweet, sweet boy.

- Learning that my uncle has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer.

- Missing Thanksgiving with my extended family.

- Getting really excellent holiday gifts for my favorite people.

- Missing Christmas with my extended family.

- Safely spending some holiday time with my immediate family.

That is FAR from everything. But I don’t have the energy? Capacity? Time? to sort through everything.

Here are the things from this year that I am still currently surviving:

- A global pandemic! And all the associated chaos. With my asthma and high blood pressure and obesity, I am considered high risk and am still not able to safely return to my primary job. 

- Hypertension! More on this later.

- Grieving Rooster. In the days after we said goodbye, I wrote a memorial that I will eventually share here. Psychology has recently analyzed data suggesting that losing a pet can be equivalent to losing a relative... I have never felt grief like this. It’s been over a month. I cry every night. 

- Managing Clio’s health. She is still adjusting to her seizure medication, which she gets twice a day, and is still on medication to help with lasting symptoms of the respiratory infection. She is fussy about food and her weight fluctuates a lot week to week. She is also a feral rescue who has only ever been handled by me, my mom, and our vet. If mom and I are ever going to vacation together again, we will need to find someone who can manage catching and pilling her twice a day... no easy feat. Fortunately, at the moment, vacations aren’t really a thing for either my mom or I and I am working hard to approach these concerns in a cross-that-bridge-when-we-come-to-it way.

----

This year has been overwhelming. The last two months alone have been overwhelming. And they would’ve been overwhelming without the added spice of a global pandemic. The number of Americans we have lost to this virus has doubled since I last posted here in mid-August. Some time this week we are likely to reach a point where we’re losing 4,000 Americans per day. PER. DAY. This year has been overwhelming.

----

There were some good things this year, of course. I am so, so thankful for all the time I got with my immediate family and the very brief but vital time I got with my friends. Fortunately I am only ever a text away from my closest friends and we are able to message pretty much every day. I am also extremely glad to have found a place in the fantasy enamel pin community. The family I’ve found in pin-land has carried me through some of my lowest points this year. I spent more time in view of the ocean than I typically do in a given year... even though much of that time was still riddled with anxiety. I did art this year. I read books this year. Some really important ones, in fact. If you read nothing else in 2021, read The New Jim Crow. I also got tattooed! I’m going to include those here because I think the significance of each reflects something interesting and important about all I have survived and am surviving this year.

----

In January, I got my first Harry Potter tattoo! My favorite quote from the entire series is delivered by Hagrid during the Triwizard tournament:

”What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.” 

I got that incorporated into a tattoo. In January. 

Also in January I got a “Prisoner of Donuts” tattoo... because life just wouldn’t be manageable at all without donuts.

In March, I got a bird of prey carrying a book to represent one of my all time favorite poems, “On Thought in Harness” by Edna St. Vincent Millay. The final lines of that poem:

“Soar, eat ether, see what has never been seen. Depart, be lost, but climb.” 

In July, I was able to safely navigate getting a tattoo that symbolizes the saga told in The Lord of the Rings trilogy. LOTR is my first and oldest fandom and the story is still so, so important to me today. The lessons I learned from Tolkien when I was a kid also carried me through some of my hardest moments this year.

Also in July I got a Plumpy tattoo. That’s right. Plumpy. From Candyland. If you haven’t played the game in a while, you may not remember Plumpy. He’s one of the first characters you meet on the game board... and one of the worst cards to see when you’re close to winning the game. You could be three damn squares from the finish line and pull the Plumpy card and back to the beginning of the board you go. Plumpy is a really great reminder that even when we have no choice but to lose ground, we can gain that ground back again. And hey, once you pull the Plumpy card from the deck, you likely won’t see him again for a good long while. 

In October, I was able to safely navigate getting my second Harry Potter tattoo. Neville has always been one of my favorite fantasy characters and I chose to carry him with me permanently. His courage, despite so, so much bullshit, inspires me every day. I also got a nautical tattoo for my mom’s ancestors who came to this country and fought in the Revolutionary War. Just as my family has a long and proud history of fighting for what matters, I too will carry that banner, even if it looks very, very different in the modern age. My third tattoo of the appointment is a cuckoo holding playing cards, a nod to one of most important stories I’ve read: Ken Kesey’s “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.” This book has informed not just my personal journey with mental illness but my passion to work in the field as well. My final tattoo of my October appointment, less than a week before the 2020 election, is a weeping Lady Justice. 

----

This year has made me look critically at things I very comfortably ignored for a long time. I would hope that it has done the same for most of you. Very little if any of this year was easy for me... but the most important lessons are never easy to learn. I’ve spent this year more worried and more angry than I’ve ever been before... and all I hope to do moving forward is use that fear and that anger to make this country, this world, a better place. Miss me with your resolutions this year. Every single day we should prioritize surviving and treating others with understanding and active love. I worked hard to do that this year and I will continue to work hard to do that every day. I’m proud of the work I’ve done. And in case it wasn’t clear, I’ll be dragging as many of you as I can on this journey with me. If you really feel the need to make a resolution this year, resolve to learn. Resolve to understand. Resolve to read The New Jim Crow and then TAKE ACTION. Take action with your votes and your voices and your money. Resolve to act.

----

This year wouldn’t let me escape it without being put on blood pressure medication, despite my best efforts to lower my blood pressure without it. Although I had gotten back down into a healthy range for a few weeks, RBG’s death and the landslide of utter shit that followed that completely wrecked all the progress I had made. I’m not happy about adding a new medicine to my regimen. I’m not happy about adding a new chronic diagnosis to my already lengthy laundry list. I did not expect 30 to look like allergy pills and three daily moisturizers and foot stretches and Metamucil and acid reducers and migraine medication and iron supplements and six prunes a day and chronic pain and blood pressure medication... but here we are. I’m exhausted from working so hard to be healthy just to have all that work not be enough. I feel very much like my body is giving up on me... and that is a feeling I am struggling with a lot right now. My soul is a vibrant but powerless passenger in a car speeding towards the edge of a cliff.

I’ll keep trying though. I start my new medication tonight. Hopefully it helps. Hopefully the side effects are manageable. I don’t really feel like I can handle much more... but I guess we keep going until we can’t.   

----

I have no expectations for 2021 to be better. I don’t have much hope for it to be better either. This vaccine will saves lives and that’s really good news. But a lot of other things will be difficult, will stay difficult, will become difficult. I’m going to try to keep fighting, and I hope you do too. 

“What’s comin’ will come, and we’ll meet it when it does.” 

[kenisu]

DuckTales turns 30 on the 18th of this month, and a friend of mine, Jason Schlierman of DAF Radio, wanted a banner for his Facebook group, so I went full Don Rosa and illustrated a collage of some of the most memorable Duck stories (except, unlike Rosa, I'm focusing on the animated series)! Starting with the left margin... TOP ROW, left to right: 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗲 𝗕𝗼𝘆𝘀' 𝗵𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗼𝘂𝘁. Seen in various episodes, but depicted here is its appearance in "The Money Vanishes", after the Beagles teleport Scrooge's entire vault contents their way with the use of a special ray gun. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝗮𝗴𝗹𝗲 𝗕𝗼𝘆𝘀. Namely, Bigtime, Burger and Bouncer, the typical "Big Three" players in most episodes featuring the Beagles. Bigtime is holding the ray gun from the aforementioned episode. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝘚𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘗𝘩𝘰𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘹 (the rocketship from "Where No Duck Has Gone Before"). Scrooge visited the studio of the kids' favorite sci-fi TV series, "Courage of the Cosmos", and told Gyro to build a new set for it, making the spaceship "as real as it can be". Well, to everyone's shock, the 𝘗𝘩𝘰𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘹 actually blasts off during the big unveiling, with Courage and the kids inside - Gyro DID make it real! 𝗗𝗼���𝗮𝗹𝗱'𝘀 𝗮��𝗿𝗰𝗿𝗮𝗳𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗿. Donald spends most of the series in the Navy, but a small handful of first season episodes do feature him, and when he does pop his head in, you can usually bet the aircraft carrier he serves on will at least make an appearance as well. 𝗗𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗱 𝗗𝘂𝗰𝗸. Here he is in his Navy outfit, running away from the Beagle Boys (Bigtime is pointing the teleporter ray gun at him). No such scenario occurred in the series, but I wanted the characters to interact with each other amongst the margins. SECOND ROW: 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝗹𝗼𝘀𝘀𝘂𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗗𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗮𝗽𝗼𝗽𝗼𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀, from "Home Sweet Homer". This is one of those classic episodes that immediately comes to mind when someone thinks of DuckTales. It sort of retells the story of the Odyssey (with tons of creative license, of course), except that it takes place AFTER Ulysses has made his voyage, and his "nephew" Homer is the stand-in character. The Ducks, in a sailboat, approach a cleft between two cliffs, only to have a magical tornado sweep them up and send them back to Homer's time. They sail into the cleft, but the sorceress Circe uses her magic to move the cliffs together in an attempt to squash the Ducks. This causes the Colossus statue, which stands with its legs splayed apart, either leg to a cliff, to crumble away until only its feet remain, making clear why that's all that's left of it in Scrooge's time. I remember, when I was in 9th grade, the English class I was in actually watched this episode on its old laserdisc, when we were studying the Odyssey (though I did nudge the teacher a little into that decision). And when _The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring_ came out in theaters, I immediately thought of this DuckTales episode during the Argonath scene (I hadn't yet read LOTR, so it was new to me). Now that I think about it, I wonder if the Argonath inspired the writer of "Home Sweet Homer" to some extent? 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗶𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘀, again from "Home Sweet Homer". How could I make a reference to that episode without also referencing what I still maintain is the scariest scene in all of DuckTales? (Though I guess the fake Scrooge and fake nephews from "Nothing to Fear" are a close second.) This version of the Sirens is terrifying to me. They come across as beautiful female ducks... except... you can tell from the get-go something's wrong with them. Never mind their croaky singing voices; the fact that they're packed up to their heads in what looks like purple mud, with no visible limbs (evoking some grotesque parody of a Pez Dispenser), and that they sway creepily as they sing, makes the whole package VERY Uncanny Valley. When Scrooge is lured to their island, a gigantic ogre-like head with arms and a massive gaping mouth emerges from the mud beneath the Sirens, and we see it's all one hideous creature. To be honest, I think the over-the-top mud monster does take some of the bite out of the subtlety of the horror of seeing the Sirens by themselves and knowing there's something wrong but not knowing what that is, but five-year-old me would probably beg to differ. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗚𝗼𝗹𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗚𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗻 𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗵 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗹. The very last episode (technically, two episodes) of DuckTales involved a golden idol in the shape of a goose that gave Scrooge the Midas Touch. The Beagle Boys stole it for Flintheart Glomgold, and after a big struggle in Part Two over ownership of it, it transformed into a live goose, going on a wild spree transforming everything in sight into gold. Eventually the Goose shed its gold coating, and this is where things got epic. The gold it shed onto the ground began to spread, covering all of Duckburg and continuing on to the rest of the world. In order to reverse this process, Scrooge and his few remaining allies had to return the Goose to the fountain it came from, in a monastery in Barkladesh, before the entire planet was lost. There's a particularly memorable space-view shot of the earth as the gold creeps over its surface (so much for the Blue Marble), and I knew I had to depict that in this picture. 𝗗𝘂𝗰𝗸𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗵 (Scrooge's butler), and 𝗕𝘂𝗯𝗯𝗮 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗧𝗼𝗼𝘁𝘀𝗶𝗲. In "Pearl of Wisdom", Huey, Dewey and Louie race through a hallway toward their room, to gather their marble collection together for a big tournament. They jostle a stand on the way, knocking a vase off and into Duckworth's hand (Duckworth's expression doesn't change). Then, Webby comes tearing through after the boys, bumping into a second stand with a duck bust, which Duckworth catches with his foot (again, without changing expression). It's one of Duckworth's funnier moments, and I really think he doesn't get enough credit. "Duckworth's Revolt", for instance, is one of the best episodes of the series, and he certainly deserved more than just that one focusing on him. Of course, here I change the reckless character from the usual kids to Bubba the Caveduck and his pet triceratops Tootsie. Bubba takes a lot of flak from critics, and he too I think wasn't nearly as bad of a character as some claim. Heck, I remember just being thrilled at his debut episode, "Time is Money", and sure that had a lot to do with the fact that it was the first new DuckTales episode in nearly a year (an eternity to a six-year-old), but it's actually a really touching story, and Ron Jones really brings that out in the hefty handful of new music score cues he composed for it. There's also the episode "Bubba's Big Brainstorm", which for all its flaws contains an adventure I love it to pieces for. I don't care if you think I have bad taste. THIRD ROW: 𝗚𝗹𝗮𝗱𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗚𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿. Here he is freaked out by the fact that Magica has Scrooge's Number One Dime, evoking the plot of "Dime Enough for Luck", except that the manner in which she's procured it suggests "Magica's Shadow War". I fudged a bit here and depicted her shadow in its "super" form, which it takes on after it casts a spell to be freed from the flesh-and-blood Magica, even though here it's obviously still "attached". Magica's shadow could only grab the shadows of things and not the things themselves (though these objects would float through the air to keep up with their shadows), so here it grasps the shadow of the Dime's glass case. This is another great episode, and the original script is even online for us all to read. Check it out! It's awesome to see everything that didn't make the cut (spoiler: there's a scene where Scrooge and the kids cut through a department store to escape the shadows). And as for Gladstone, he was hypnotized in "Dime Enough" into handing over the Dime to Magica (side note: again, going back to LOTR, Magica actually makes a One Ring reference once she's back in her lair with the coin: "One Dime to Rule Them All", she cackles). Gladstone's character is notorious in DuckTales, because while his classic infuriating luck is there, he doesn't have the kind of gloating personality his creator Carl Barks gave him in the comics (Well, sort of. We do get a quick glimpse of what he's REALLY supposed to be like when he loses his luck and says: "I'll have to get a JOB like normal people!"). If you only watched the cartoon, you'd never know Gladstone was created to be unlikable, as he constantly makes his cousin Donald hate life by winning every contest he enters and rubbing in the fact that he never has to lift a finger to earn his next meal. This is exactly the impression I had of him as a kid, where the only Barks story I read in my youth that had Gladstone in it was "The Billion Dollar Safari", and there isn't much in that tale to indicate I should hate this character with every fiber of my being. 𝗠𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗰𝗮 𝗱𝗲 𝗦𝗽𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗣𝗼𝗲. Magica is my favorite recurring villain in both the DuckTales episodes and the Barks comics, and I think it's a shame that she only gets one more episode once season two starts up, and even then it probably only featured her because she was in the Barks story it was a direct adaptation of. Seasons three and four are quite inundated with Flintheart plus-or-minus Beagle Boys episodes, and it does grate on one's endurance after a while. As for Poe, he's actually Magica's brother turned into a raven. We never see what he looked like before the transformation, but supposedly if Magica successfully melts the Number One Dime into her amulet, it'll give her enough power to turn Poe back into his old self. This is a bit of a contrast against Magica's raven in the comics, Ratface, who was in fact an actual raven. Kinda reminds me of the different takes on Splinter between Ninja Turtles comics canon and 1987 cartoon canon. 𝗠𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 𝗩𝗲𝘀𝘂𝘃𝗶𝘂𝘀. Magica's lair. In the comics she lived in a small hut on the slopes of the historical Mt. Vesuvius in Italy (usually these exterior shots have lots of inkwashed surfaces/sharp relief for atmosphere!), but in DuckTales she lived IN the volcano itself (which for some reason was isolated in the middle of the ocean), and Vesuvius was even shaped like her head. I was beyond thrilled when WayForward turned the final stage of DuckTales: Remastered into Mt. Vesuvius, it was so perfect. CENTERPIECE: That's the 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 on the top left, the 𝗺𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘆 𝗯𝗶𝗻 on the top right, and on the bottom, the 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗶𝗹𝗼𝘁 𝗲𝗽𝗶𝘀𝗼𝗱𝗲, "Treasure of the Golden Suns". After Scrooge makes the mistake of opening all three doors in the vine-strewn temple, the giant discs lining the valley catch the rays of the sun and reflect off of each other to trigger the valley's final, horrifying trap: the molten gold deep in the temple's well rises to melt the temple and leave the Ducks stranded on the roof, seconds away from their doom, before Launchpad shows up in the nick of time. Again, I must tip my hat to Ron Jones, because the music in this scene is incredible, to match the visuals. Now, the right margin... TOP ROW, left to right: 𝗚𝘆𝗿𝗼 𝗚𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗹𝗼𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗟𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗛𝗲𝗹𝗽𝗲𝗿/𝗟𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗕𝘂𝗹𝗯. They're sitting inside the Time Tub, which Gyro invented in "Sir Gyro de Gearloose" to escape the drudgery of always having to be the Mr. Fix-It (or "Gadget Man") of Duckburg. Most probably recognize this episode as the source of the shot in the opening sequence on the lyric "...or rewrite history!" The Time Tub also made an appearance in "Time Teasers". 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗗𝘂𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝗿𝗼𝗻 𝗠𝗮𝘀𝗸, from the episode of the same name. The face behind the mask is that of Count Roy, an old friend of Scrooge's, whose twin brother Ray overthrew his rule and cast him in prison wearing the mask. 𝗚𝗼𝗹𝗱𝗶𝗲. In the flashback scene in "Back to the Klondike", this is how Scrooge first sees his main love interest, on a stage in a saloon, sitting on a swing while singing a song about her love of gold nuggets. SECOND ROW: 𝗠𝗿𝘀. 𝗕𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗹𝗲𝘆. She's knitting the colorful scarf that would go to Skiddles the penguin in "Treasure of the Golden Suns, part 4". (Maybe I should have had her brandishing a tuning fork?) The 𝗠𝗶𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗮𝘂𝗿 from "Raiders of the Lost Harp". DuckTales just can't get any more vintage than a chilling reveal of a giant statue early in an episode, then the statue coming to life once the treasure it protects is stolen, and spending the rest of the episode pursuing the thief. Scary stuff for a five-year-old, and still pretty effective for an adult, too! 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗚𝗮𝗿𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝗢𝗻𝗲 from "Sphinx for the Memories". Specifically, the iconic scene of the crescent moon lining up behind the sphinx, a beam of light passing from the head decoration to a similar decoration worn by Donald, to complete the possession of Donald by the ancient spirit. I know I already showed Donald on the left margin, but I figured I could cheat for a scene as epic creepy as this. THIRD ROW: 𝗚𝗶𝗶𝗶~𝗶𝘇𝗺𝗼𝗱𝘂𝗰𝗸! Man, the introduction of Fenton Crackshell to the series may have taken some of the wind out of Launchpad's sails when it came to the role of the "heroic" character, but Gizmoduck is too awesome for me to have wanted it any other way. His debut story, "Super DuckTales", was just a blast all around. Blathering blatherskite! 𝗙𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗿 𝗕𝗿𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗹, an uncannily talented door-to-door salesman. This is a DuckTales-exclusive character from "Much Ado About Scrooge", the story of a race to uncover the lost play of William Drakespeare (that's the play Brushbill is holding under his arm). The late, great Chris Barat speculated Brushbill was, in the early draft stages, intended to be Gladstone in his debut episode, and I think he was right - after all, Brushbill does exhibit the obnoxious personality traits one would expect from Gladstone, and has the right kind of voice, to boot. 𝗙𝗹𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗚𝗹𝗼𝗺𝗴𝗼𝗹𝗱. I know it's probably hard to tell since I drew him so small here, but he's eating his hat - holding up his end of the deal from "Treasure of the Golden Suns, part 2". I designed the margin this way to suggest a character interaction: Filler Brushbill is running away, play in hand, from a frustrated Glomgold, only to be stopped by Gizmoduck. 𝗖𝗮𝘀𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗠𝗰𝗗𝘂𝗰𝗸 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗖𝗼𝘁𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗠𝗰𝗗𝘂𝗰𝗸. "The Curse of Castle McDuck" is my favorite self-contained DuckTales episode (as opposed to the multi-part arcs). Scrooge takes the kids to visit his chilhood cottage in Scotland, only to discover that his ancestors' castle across the stream is haunted by a bloodthirsty hound, and occupied by druids. While Scrooge and the boys set traps for the druids, Webby ends up separated from the others and wanders into a misty forest behind the castle. The others look for her and, in the forest, find themselves confronted by the hound. Just a GREAT spooky atmosphere all around, helped marvelously along by, yes, the music - in this case, there are a number of electronic cues that lend a truly surreal and dreamlike feel to this tale. FOURTH ROW: The 𝗧𝗲𝗿𝗿𝗮𝗳𝗶𝗿𝗺𝗶𝗮𝗻𝘀 roll toward a pillar to smack against it in competition for the Great Games. This depicts "Earth Quack", an adaptation of Barks's "Land Beneath the Ground". I was terrified of earthquakes as a kid (even though I've always lived in areas not particularly susceptible to them - but then, maybe never experiencing any made the fear worse), and I've always suspected it was this very episode that introduced me to the concept of earthquakes. FIFTH ROW: 𝗟𝗮𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗵𝗽𝗮𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗗𝗼𝗼𝗳𝘂𝘀 in the orange helicopter. And, if you can't tell, that's the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook Doofus is holding. Doofus is another character that got the shaft post-season one. Some people were happy about that, but he really never bothered me, even in his biggest moments of overbearing hero-worship of Launchpad. 𝗔𝗿𝗺𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴, from the episode of the same name. Gyro invents a robot that can outperform Launchpad at seemingly any task Scrooge can give him, but Armstrong eventually turns on the family and becomes bent on world domination, and it's up to Launchpad to stop him. It's a nice, solid episode, and I gotta mention the music again, as this was actually Ron Jones's audition for DuckTales composer, and you can tell he really gave it his all. 𝗙𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗖𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗮𝗺𝗼𝗻 𝗧𝗲𝗮𝗹. These two actually never interacted, being from two completely separate episodes ("Double-O-Duck" and "Spies in Their Eyes", respectively), but as both episodes were spy-themed, I thought it appropriate to have them teamed up here in a sort of "Charlie's Angels" pose. Except their weapons aren't guns. Instead, Feathers is wielding her tube of poison lipstick, and Cinnamon is sort of gesturing toward her hypnotic eyes. Anyway, there are loads of other episodes and characters I could have included, but only so much can fit inside Facebook banner size specifications. I hope I properly captured the better part of what makes DuckTales so iconic! #DuckTales30

[plasmamuffin-blog]

The Lord of the Rings review: Part 1

So first off, this review is mainly about the lord of the rings book, although i will be doing some things in different orders. I am partly making fun of the plot, and partly making fun of the way it's written, and additionally, this is not meant to show disrespect for LOTR or it's fans, just as a fun thing, and while i do like LOTR and think it's cool, i do have some things to complain about.

Without further ado, the review:

The Lord of the Rings. One of the most popular and respected works of fantasy fiction in the world. And yet, the most boring book to read since the unabridged Oxford English Dictionary. What makes LOTR so popular, and what makes it so boring despite such critical acclaim? Let's find out.

The story begins with a riveting 40 pages detailing a party that has little to no significance to the actual plot. During this time, we learn that this part of the story takes part in a place called the shire, a peaceful farming land with rolling green hills and inhabited by hobbits(rumor has it that tolkien originally called them "fat midgets" but changed this as it wasn't culturally sensitive enough). Soon(a mere 36 years or so) after the party, the main character, frodo, finds that bilbo's ring, which he had passed on to frodo, was in fact the most dangerous magical artifact since the stainless steel cheese grater. It also happens to be the only thing capable of bringing the antagonist to full power. Yes, this humble ring is in fact the Legendary One Ring, created by the most hated and feared enemy of the people of middle-earth, and whose name inspired the title of the book: The Dark Lord, "Of The".

Wait, no, sorry, his name was actually Sauron. Frodo's generic bearded mentor, gandalf, informs him that the only solution is to destroy The Mcguffin Ring by throwing it into the Fires Of Mount Doom in which it was forged(created). Armed with this knowledge, and his faithful minion friend and gardener, sam(and his cousins, mary merry and pippin) our humble young hobbit sets out on an epic journey to destroy the ring.

100 short pages later, something actually relevant to the plot happens, garnished throughout with important events such as the finding of mushrooms(you had to be there, these mushrooms were really good), the appearance of a disturbingly cheery weirdo freak person named tom bombadil, and a chase scene wherein four midgets hobbits used to a comfortable life of eating twice their weight in junk food and moving no more than is neccessary for using the bathroom somehow manage to outrun several dark, evil, and anciently powerful creatures riding dark, powerful horses with an apparent max speed of 7.5 MPH. This plot-worthy event occurs in the village of bree, where the four hobbits get drunk and, due to their shrewd intellect and four long seconds of consideration, decide to take on a creepy guy with a sword they just met(they just met him, not the sword) named strider as a companion on literally the most important quest in the world.

While our young hobbits are thus occupied, the old wizard gandalf gets captured by an old friend, saruman, who decided to turn to the dark side because he gets a cool plasma ball as a "Welcome to the club" gift. Gandalf escapes, with the aid of a suspiciously convenient pet bird he purchased from the "help, i'm trapped at the top of a 500 story building" store for the price of one moth(which it is suspected that he stole).

After leaving bree, thomas frodo and his friends make it to weathertop(literally, "Large Rock") where they were supposed to meet gandalf. Gandalf is, of course, absent, so strider, using his strategical skills and a dash of common sense, decides to abandon the hobbits while he goes sightseeing. It is, of course, just what the Dark Riders(known as Ringwraiths) from the last paragraph were waiting for, and they charge in and attack the hobbits using the tried-and true battle technique of Standing Around Looking Intimidating Instead Of Actually Attacking the targets who they could easily overpower armed with nothing more than a saucepan while they wait for the protagonist's backup to arrive. And arrive it does, with strider breaking in at the last second to save the group. One of the more astute ringwraiths surmises that it would likely be a good idea to actually attack the target, and so stabs frodo with a dagger so ancient and powerful it crumbles to dust as soon as it is removed from the wound. While frodo struggles to remember first aid and decides to substitute ancient elven language as a family-friendly replacement for swear words, strider bravely fends off these most Ancient and Powerful enemies using the legendary weapon that is the bane of evil creatures everywhere; that's right, the legendary Fire On A Stick.

After seeing that frodo is unlikely to survive the roughly 700km trek to rivendell(literally, "Convenient Elf City"), the group encounters a Convenient Elf named arwen, who takes frodo to the city on horseback. Arwen and the now unconscious(he spends much of the book like this) frodo are chased by the black riders to the front porch of rivendell, a river, which spontaneously floods as soon as the black riders attempt to cross it.

Frodo awakes safe in rivendell, brought back from the very brink of death through powerful elven healing magic and the fact that he's the protagonist. Gandalf greets him and explains the whole unpleasant "being captured" business, which is quickly followed by roughly 200 pages of boring and pointless exposition mixed with 7 page long songs(which, being in book form, have no set tune, causing readers to have to substitute familiar tunes such as "Yankee Doodle") after which the elves, gandalf, strider(who is fined by the elves after it was discovered he used a fake ID and his real name was in fact aragorn), and a crowd of racially diverse people such as dwarves, humans, and the other hobbits meet together to discuss the ring. The decision, voted on by the group, is that a phenomenally dangerous and evil artifact(e.g the ring) should probably be destroyed. This is agreed to, and after heated discussion of how to accomplish this(some suggest the use of acid, fire, clorox, or exposure to justin bieber CDs), it is mentioned that the ring must be destroyed by throwing it into an active volcano. Unfortunately, mount st. helens had not been invented yet, and so the only volcano on the entire continent is Mount Doom. It is henceforth unanimously agreed upon that the only thing capable of bringing the dark lord sauron back to power is to be brought to within three blocks of his house in an attempt to destroy it. The obvious choice for this mission is the most skilled, talented, and strong among them: The very likely overweight and chronically depressed hobbit whose entire experience in this field is that he's pretty sure he knows how to pronounce "Macguffin".

Before leaving, bilbo, who had moved to rivendell, gives frodo his old sword and a piece of rare "Plot Armor", which is impenetrable to all but the most fourth-wall breaking attacks.

And so, the group sets off, consisting of frodo, sam, merry, pippin, gandalf, aragorn, boromir, an elf named legolas, and a dwarf named gimli with anger issues. Shortly after leaving rivendell, the group is forced to cross a snowy mountain, upon which they realize that none of them brought any warm clothes. It is then decided that they will go through the mines of moria, a gigantic mining city that has evaded the regulations of OSHA for centuries.

After being attacked by Cthulhu outside the mines, gandalf, who forgot the password, contacts technical support and gets it reset, allowing them to enter said mines. It is then revealed that the entire population of the mines was wiped out by orcs(literally "Big Ugly Guys") with the I.Q. of warm salad. Being dwarves, the inhabitants of the mines needed plenty of ceiling room, and thus the mines are way bigger than is strictly neccessary or convenient. after wandering around lost for a while, the group encounters a large group of orcs, who, of course, being mighty and feared warriors, are easily dispatched by the group without them even breaking a sweat.

However, the orcs had broughten(broughted? broughtinated?) a cave troll with them, which managed to stab frodo before being defeated. However, frodo, who the rest of the group had presumed to be dead, is revealed to be absolutely fine due to the shirt of plot armor he is wearing. Despite being extremely important and worth more than the shire itself, this shirt is completely forgotten and never brought up again. After the attack, the group finds they are being pursued by a large and powerful creature called a balrog, which chases them into a structurally ludicrous room the size of north dakota that completely lacks guardrails. Upon being asked what a balrog is, gandalf replies that it is a foe beyond any of them in power, and subsequently decides to challenge it to a 1v1. After picking a spot(specifically, a balance beam over a bottomless pit AKA literally the worst place to fight a balrog in the entire mine), gandalf spleefs the balrog into the pit, but is thrown down into it himself after he wisely decides to stand there and watch instead of running to safety. The rest of the group, heartbroken, then decides to journey to lothlorien(literally, "Rivendell MK2") for refuge, where the elves, having a clear understanding of economics, provide food and shelter free of charge to a group of people they just met.

After receiving these gifts(including a rope for sam and a glowstick for frodo), the group sets off downriver in boats procured(read: basically stolen) from the elves and end up in amon hen, where frodo, showing wisdom beyond his 85 years, wisely decides to wander off by himself, upon which the ring corrupts boromir who subsequently attempts to take it from frodo. The rest of the group, also very skilled in the fine art of strategy, wanders off randomly by themselves as well in order to search for frodo, which causes boromir to have to sacrifice himself to save merry and pippin from the conveniently placed orcs, which end up capturing the two anyway. Upon finding boromir, who, thanks to the orc archers, now resembles a large pincushion, aragorn, legolas, and gimli get to watch him die from his wounds, after which they send him downriver in a boat in a makeshift burial at sea.

Meanwhile, frodo(who becomes wiser every page), attempts to sneak off to mordor on his own, but is caught by sam, who is determined to go with him.

This ends part 1 of the review of the lord of the rings.

[casualarsonist]

Parental Guidance: Flushed Away

So I tried to write a review for Flushed Away yesterday, just to see if I could write one for a kid’s film. Turns out I suck at doing that even more than I do at writing them for adults. I couldn’t write from any other perspective than my own, and found myself assessing it by criteria that the majority of children would likely never notice or care about. So, in with that in mind, and an increasing number of my friends having kids lately, I’ve decided to review Flushed Away for the parents that will be watching the film. I’ll be judging it on its merits as a film, as well as whether it’ll irritate the shit out of you, how rewatchable it is, and whether it’ll traumatise your kids. Note that the overall score is not an aggregate of the others, it’s simply my overall recommendation based on my final, personal opinion. Enjoy!

Flushed Away is far from the best-known of Aardman Animation’s feature films, and when preceded by such pedigree as the hugely successful Chicken Run and Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, one can see how Aardman’s follow-up - their first foray into the CGI world, and their last picture with Dreamworks - would really need to make a mark in order to compare. It did not, despite making nearly £200 million, it was labelled a box office failure by Dreamworks and their agreement with Aardman came to an end. Which, thinking about it, might have been for the best, because whilst Flushed Away is a good film with a lot of positives, it feels like it’s drifted away from the Aardman we know and love in some way, and one may get the feeling that Dreamworks, in giving Aardman their highest budget yet, shaved some of the quirkier edges off of the production, leaving it feeling like it has slightly less of its own personality that it ought to, but this shouldn’t scare anyone away from seeing what is a quirky, charming, and impeccably acted film. 

Flushed Away is the story of Roddy St James (Hugh Jackman), the pet rat of an affluent family living in the upper-class London borough of Kensington. When a sewer rat climbs out of the drains and invades his house, Roddy is flushed down the toilet to an underground city populated by the rat underclass. After lots of yelling, screaming, and bumping-into-things-and-setting-off-Rube-Goldberg-type-catastrophes, Roddy meets Rita (Kate Winslet), a plucky scavenger fleeing the cronies of The Toad (Ian McKellan) - the maniacal villain intent on ridding the city of rats and populating it with his tadpoles. Roddy’s self-interest in returning home leads to a back-and-forth in which he and Rita betray one-another, before finally uniting in opposition to their common enemy. Along the way Roddy learns that despite having all the possessions in the world, he was missing the one thing the underclass rats had in abundance - companionship - and he leaves his life above for adventures down below. 

It’s a rather simplistic plot with a well-trodden execution, but while the initial 10-20 minutes of shouty-shouty may strain the patience of the adult viewer, Flushed Away comes into its own once we meet the stunning cast and the performances are given a chance to shine; and boy do they shine. One thing Aardman films seem to do well in a way that many animated films fail to match (I’m looking at you, Gnomeo & Juliet, which I’ll be reviewing next) is elicit quirky, engaging, and thoroughly entertaining performances from A-list actors, often giving them ability to flex their acting muscle. McKellan is fantastic as the insane Toad - his best melodramatic LOTR howling blends with a cackling villiany that his subdued Magneto was never allowed to offer; Bill Nighy is a standout in his understated and hilarious role as a dim-witted albino rat Whitey; Jean Reno gives the most entertaining performance I’ve ever seen (heard?) from him as the French assassin ‘Le Frog’ (He’s funny. FUNNY. Typecast Francey Man McFrowny-face is funny.) 

And this is really the triumph of the film - it’s clear that the actors had an immense amount of freedom and fun in recording their roles, and this gives the film a huge amount of life. The leads - Winslet and Jackman are also great, although being the leads they’re given less wiggle-room in their interpretations. Jackman seemed to me like an odd choice at first - Roddy has more than a little Hugh Grant about him and it’s not like England lacks Hugh Grants, not to mention that I’ve often found Jackman to be rather uninteresting on-screen - but he's actually quite an uninhibited voice actor and his natural charm is ultimately very winning and works well with the cheesy grin of the ‘Aardman face’. Winslet is similarly charismatic, and deftly juggles the warmth and sassiness of her character to offer a surprisingly truthful and winning performance; her affected working-class brogue allowing her to disappear into her role.

This said, aside from the performances and some aspects of the unfolding plot, Flushed Away is a pretty standard affair. The move to CGI removes some of the irreplaceable style Aardman have always traded on, and while the efforts have been made to animate the film in such a way as to best imitate stop-motion, the unimpressive visual quality simply leaves it looking flat and cheap for the most part. The action is heavily slapstick as well, and you’ll sit through a lot of characters screaming as they’re flung from one thing to another time and time again, and I’m sure it appeals to a younger, less jaded generation, but I realised that I was getting old when I found myself passively annoyed by it.

But what else would you expect? Flushed Away isn’t Wallace & Gromit, it’s an expensive Dreamworks film, and it feels like it. It’s certainly not terrible by any stretch – the soundtrack is excellent and a fantastic example of using well-placed licensed music to enhance an action sequence (*sideways glance at Gnomeo and Juliet*), and there’s a good deal of laughs-aloud to be found; the characters are strong and their actors’ performances fantastic; it’s not as blatantly manipulative as, say, Finding Dory – you care for the characters because they grow on you and their changes are motivated, not because they’re tiny little fishies with big ol’ eyes and they lost their mummies. It’s a really entertaining film, not Aardman’s strongest, but certainly a fun addition to the home catalogue. 

Laughs: 7

Some genuine laugh-out-loud moments and unexpected humour. The slugs will win you and your children over. 

Visuals: 6

There’s a lot of nice detail in the world, but the flat, textureless CGI means it has not aged well.

Performances: 9

Very high-quality performances with a range of quality actors allowed to get a bit silly with the material.

Plot: 6

Well-trodden fish-out-of-water/wrong-side-of-the-tracks affair. The motivation for the lead is that he’s lonely, but this is not particularly well-established. It’s hard to give a solid score, but it’s scaled up to a 6 because it gets better.

Obnoxiousness: 4

It’s a pretty harmless film, although much of the action relies on screamy Rube Goldberg trails of destruction.

Timelessness: 6

Certainly rewatchable due to the detail in the world, the great performances, the fantastic, well-integrated soundtrack, and the decent script. The relentless slapstick action might irritate quickly though.

Hardcore Rating: 2

There’s little-to-nothing scary about this film. Even the bad guys are funny in their own right.

Overall: 7/10

Flushed Away isn’t a technical marvel, nor will it likely be held with the same esteem as its compatriots, but the performances are deeply charming, and the story and characters grow on you as it progresses. Come the end of it, I was quite impressed.