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alianoralacanta · 10 months ago

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Paddock Magazine Analysis (13-12-2007)

Context: Following the McLaren/Ferrari spying controversy of 2007, where McLaren eventually lost its 2nd place in the World Constructor's Championship and got a $100 m fine, Max Mosley in his capacity as FIA President did two interviews. The first was for BBC Hardtalk. His performance there was very poor, making it look suspiciously like the FIA's case was weak. More telling was the second interview, with Paddock Magazine. Given that Paddock Magazine was a FIA publication, it was not exactly going to be the height of intentional journalism. However, it provided an excellent demonstration of the FIA's beliefs about the case. When combined with what had been learned in 2007 (from the Hardtalk interview and earlier proceedings of the case), it was incredibly destructive to the FIA's case against McLaren. In combination, it went to the degree of indicating the FIA had a case to answer itself… My understanding of legal issues has evolved since then but I do not believe the FIA's position has correspondingly improved. (The first parts of quotes are bolded, to help put structure to this essay. I've also had to delete the artificial double-spacing that ended up in there for some reason. For the record, if I wanted to double-space an entry, I'd use the double-space function).

Warning! Long entry alert! An annotated guide to the Paddock Magazine interview with Max Mosley. It is the December 2007 edition, and the FIA has given us a handy link.

It is, as the FIA probably hoped, a good guide to the state of Max Mosley's thinking. Let's probe into this resource to find out exactly what the implications are of the interaction between Max's thought processes and what can be ascertained from other sources.

"I think, in the end, the championship went to the right person"

Max has a good point here. Kimi did in fact do the best performance out of the challengers, so it was perfectly sensible for him to have won the prize. It's refreshing to see some sensible opinions from Max.

"Well, I don't think it [the off-track drama] has done any damage - in fact, it has raised public awareness".

Yes, Max - raised it and turned them right off again. Unfortunately, the good initial note didn't last long.

"The only harm would come if people started to believe it [the spying] was endemic and we couldn't stamp it out."

Most people that weren't deeply knowledgeable about F1 before the Ferrari/McLaren mess were not aware that F1 even had spying. Their impression would not have been that stopping spying was good, it would have been "What do you mean, F1 has spying?!?" The people who've been following F1 for a time know that spying at some level is both endemic and, to a certain extent, inevitable. Admittedly, it is not inevitable to the point alleged against either McLaren or Renault, but information transfer between teams is inherant in any industry whose primary value is in the contents of talented people's heads. Formula 1 is demonstrably such an industry.

"I found myself defending McLaren, rather than trying to explain why we'd done what we had to do!"

If the HardTalk interview constituted a defence of McLaren's behaviour, I'm glad the interviewer did not ask Max to attack McLaren, because it looked to me and a number of other people as if Mosley was launching a McLaren attack at the time.

"The whole thing [the Ferrari/McLaren mess] should have been stopped before it started".

Correct. One would have thought that Nigel Stepney and Mike Coughlan would have known their information-swapping behaviour was slightly dodgy before engaging in it. Apparently not (at least in Coughlan's case).

"Ron [Dennis] could have gone to Jean [Todt] immediately after Australia and said: "Look, we asked the FIA about your floor because there's somebody at Ferrari giving us information".

Two problems. One, this was not the FIA's line at the time. For example, Spyker submitted a protest at that very race concerning Super Aguri and Squadra Toro Rosso using a Toro Rosso drawing, which arrived at Spyker by an unknown route (or at least, unknown to people outside the paddock such as me). Nobody from the FIA openly asked Spyker to tell Franz Tost about the drawing (this may have happened quietly, or Colin Kolles may have done the courtesy call on his own initiative, but we don't know either way). The impression that this sort of thing gives is that if the FIA is contacted in such a way that it receives the offending document(s), the opposing team manager need not be (perhaps because the FIA contacts the opposing team manager as a matter of routine in these cases). So what Max is effectively saying is that the FIA's policy was wrong at the time, for if McLaren had known that the FIA policy wouldn't hold six months down the line, it is highly unlikely he would have taken the path of relying on the known FIA procedures to do the appeal. Instead, he would have either informed Jean Todt (if he had known about the Stepney/Coughlan flow and intended to get it stopped) or he would have simply said nothing, and probably not appealed the Ferrari car in Australia at all (if he thought there was only the one document and/or he wanted to attempt to evade notice).

Secondly, there is no particular reason to believe that Jean would have stopped the information flow on Dennis' say-so, especially as it has yet to be proved whether Dennis knew who in the team had received the drawings, let alone whether this person had received the drawing in a legal fashion. For that matter, it isn't even clear that Dennis knew there was a drawing involved - it is entirely conceivable that Coughlan would only have told people verbally about what he knew about the Ferrari floor, and not given away sources. Certainly if I was in Coughlan's position and intended to use this Ferrari information illegally, this is what I would have done. Simply because the drawing was eventually discovered due to Trudy Coughlan stupidly taking some Ferrari CDs to a photocopy shop does not mean that her husband was stupid in his dealings with the material. With hindsight, the truly smart thing to have done would be to take the moral high ground and denounce Stepney as openly and as immediately as possible, but none of us have foresight as good as our hindsight.

"You get the odd person saying that this has always gone on in F1, but that's nonsense".

Er... ...Shadow/Arrows in 1977, anyone? That was the entire (successful) theft of a team's entire intellectual property (IP), back before the term was even invented. Then there's the whole Ferrari/Toyota mess, involving a copious amount of data theft by more than one ex-Ferrari (and now ex-Toyota and presumably ex-F1) employee.

Admittedly, the general backdrop of espionage is on nowhere near as large a scale (the McLaren/Renault mess is probably a run-of-the-mill example among instances of dishonest information transfer). However, the alleged extent of the Ferrari/McLaren mess has precedents.

"There was a constant stream of information for months"

Interestingly enough, this wasn't proven at the WMSC court, though Max would like to pretend it was proven. Having reviewed the relevant portion of the Ferrari/McLaren September case transcript, I have spotted in the preliminaries that the documents that supposedly prove this statement were considered by the McLaren lawyer to be illegally obtained and illegally revealed to the WMSC court. The response from the WMSC was that it was not concerned about whether the documents were legal. Since it was illegal to use them in court, it was also illegal to base any part of the judgement on these documents. As a result, these documents cannot constitute evidence, let alone proof, of the exchange between Stepney and Coughlan - unless the Italian courts deem that the documents do in fact constitute such evidence.

This hasn't happened yet. Therefore, there is no actual proof that the "live" part occurred, since the WMSC Court appeared to have no other sources for this in its transcript. It thought the illegally-used and unproven documents were "impressive" enough.

"The second major mistake that McLaren made was when they held an inquiry... ...they didn't do it thoroughly enough"

Well, all it would have taken is for two people to have lied in a way that was undetected and McLaren wouldn't have been able to detect that connection. Even if Coughlan and de la Rosa had been somewhat truthful (by admitting that they talked to each other), how much would have been considered normal for two employees, and would it be possible to prove in the relatively short timeframe (the inquiry occurred in the run-up to the July meeting, giving McLaren about three weeks to get the inquiry completed) to go through 1000 people's e-mails to find a handful of dodgy e-mails? Even if only e-mails sent by Coughlan were considered (it is known that McLaren suspected him of something, as he got suspended pretty sharpish when the exchange was initially discovered), that would still have been dozens, and likely hundreds, of e-mails to check. In a company that size, it is fairly easy for a dodgy e-mail connection to go undetected. Usually, discovery occurs when one of the parties accidentally copies their e-mail to someone who has the power to stop or inform on the perpetrators, or else someone in power sees such an e-mail on the screen. For all the advances in e-mail monitoring software, breaches outside a limited range (porn, unnecessary attachments, swearing and personal e-mailing) remain very difficult to detect, especially if the intention is to do so without unduly impeding the free flow of legitimate information. It would take a very time-consuming and thorough, or a very lucky inquiry, to have found out that a rogue employee was transferring illegally-obtained information to another employee unless one of them confessed. That didn't happen until early September (and then it was not to McLaren but to the FIA) - rather late for the initial July trial!

"I think everyone felt that there was more to this than we'd heard [in the July case]".

No, most of us didn't; at least, not in the English-speaking sources I've seen. The Europeans generally write in languages other than English, which makes assessing the rest of Max's answer difficult (the only other language I know is Spanish, and the Spaniards would presumably be pro-Alonso...) The time of which Max speaks was before the time that the FIA started chucking out transcripts to the general public at the slightest opportunity. We, the general public, were not expecting anything else to come out of the case. If the WMSC was, why didn't they take the trouble to advise us in the decision? Oh, wait a minute, that would have made their decision to try the case so early look premature...

In case you're wondering, not every Spanish source was pro-FIA about the second trial. El Pais was concerned that the FIA decision was pro-Ferrari - but maybe its being in Spanish precluded Max from reading it. So the generalisation that the continentals were all pro-FIA in the end is false.

"I'd already been told that some e-mails existed, by Bernie [Ecclestone] [when Ron Dennis informed Max of the e-mails]"

Clive at F1 Insight has already tackled this matter; suffice to say that Max's pretence that he was hearing about the e-mails from Ron for the first time is unimpressive at best. More transparency is expected from people enforcing rules.

"I wasn't sure enough to write to the drivers, until the Italian police came up with the list of all the contacts"

Excuse me, but isn't this the same inadmissible list that has already supposedly proven a "live" link between Nigel Stepney and Mike Coughlan despite its inadmissibility? If this is so, then Max was not entitled to use it as a tool to compel anyone to comply with its wishes, particularly with the threat implied with it being an FIA instruction. Such behaviour demeans the validity of FIA instructions.

That said, the FIA could and perhaps should have asked every employee in McLaren to turn over all relevant evidence as soon as it opened the investigation of the case on a reasonably-scaled amnesty scheme. It had the power to analyse the e-mails (including Spanish translation!) that McLaren could not reasonably be capable of doing in such a short time-frame, and it would also have led to a considerably swifter route to the conclusion of this matter.

"they [the e-mails] either came from Alonso or de la Rosa. But presumably the Alonso camp"

That's a mighty big leap, given that Max does not give evidence that differentiates the two. This sort of thinking can be seen elsewhere in this interview, to sometimes dangerous effect to his own case.

By the way, reading personal e-mails is normally illegal under the Computer Misuse Act. However, the sense of Max's elaboration of this question indicates that Fernando chose to reveal these e-mails to Bernie (why remains a mystery, when it would have been simpler to forward the lot to Max), on this occasion the initial Alonso e-mail can be said to have been acquired legally. There is no question over whether the subsequent driver e-mails were obtained legally, only whether Max's justification for requesting them was based on legally-obtained documentation.

"I still think, from a legal point of view, we should have excluded everybody [relating to McLaren over the Ferrari/McLaren mess]."

I'll give him that - he has never deviated once from this point of view. He is consistent in at least some of his opinions. If you assume the conclusion that the WMSC wanted us to believe, then this also follows. The conclusion is therefore valid.

The trouble is that the conclusion is not sound, for the evidence has turned out to be some illegally-obtained Italian documents and a bunch of e-mails that only prove that three employees knew rather than one (and also suggesting that only those three knew - otherwise the e-mails would have been in English and had a wider circulation). This means that there were three rogue employees. The two discovered by the September trial had been granted full amnesty, so technically the FIA was not empowered to issue any punishment to the rest of the team following the evidence, due to its inadequete nature.

"In the end, arguably justice was done [in the McLaren/Ferrari mess]."

Try making that quote compatible with the previous quote. Note that they are spoken by the same person, in the same paragraph in relation, to the same question. Can you get "justice was done" to fit with "we should have excluded everyone"? Me neither.

"For a lot of it [the evidence], you had to draw the inference."

This is the most self-destructive sentence I have ever seen in a court case. Only a fool admits to having little hard evidence for a guilty judgement, let alone one involving such a large penalty and with a larger one threatened. If this were a real court under discussion, the police would be immediately pressing for a re-trial without the interested parties even having to ask first. It pretty much invalidates Max Mosley as a judge of fact in these sorts of cases.

The temptation for me to skip the assumptions that follow this sentence are therefore too strong to resist.

"If we'd done nothing, there would be the temptation to set out to acquire information from another team in any number of ways."

This probably seemed like a logical thing to say at the time (this interview appears to have taken place in late October or early November). However, since the McLaren/Renault mess has shown that only the impression of co-operation is necessary in order to evade a spying charge, then this statement suddenly looks a bit strange. If anything, events will encourage employees to spy, not discourage them. Just not necessarily as individuals.

"I think, and hope, they're paranoid about not doing anything"

How's that for a "Go back to being blobs. Blobs are easy" (Thief of Time by Terry Pratchett) mentality?

"If there are things of that kind... ...they've been quietly got rid of"

Proof that this interview was done before mid-November, when the McLaren/Renault case re-appeared (after a brief mention in the September court case).

"Just suppose the 2008 McLaren incorporates everything from the 2007 Ferrari... ...we've got to make sure... ...the 2008 McLaren doesn't incorporate and Ferrari intellectual property"

If (and after everything above, it's a big if) you still believe that McLaren's guilty judgement was legitimate, then this is a perfectly sensible inference. Max is completely right about the need to check that cars are not contaminated with other teams' IP. In fact, why don't they do this with every team at the appropriate moment in the season, to proactively check that this sort of stuff doesn't happen?

Would be a neat idea...

#f1 #lcmb #lcmb archive #max mosley #spygate #mclaren #fia #the then-fia president really does not come across very well in this one

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orphanedwolfandfriends · 2 years ago

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2023 message to all

A lot of situations with different people have left me jaded, and worried to a degree about interacting with more than just people in my friend circle. Simply out of a personal concern on whether or not somebody's gonna turn out to be another asshole or not, and asking myself if I really wanted to find that out, and the other thing is that I wouldn't want to be some indirect catalyst for someone to be like "uhm, you're interacting with THAT BITCH? no, i'm gonna make this into a thing 'cause fuck you". I'm well aware that if people make a big deal out of it regardless, it's entirely on them, but it still wouldn't have been fun to know that it is a thing. All of that could be summed up easily with "my social anxiety's real bad, dude-".

If you've followed me long enough, you might've noticed that I went from super hype and eager to write with more people to just wanting to hide into a corner until someone sends me a thing, generally afraid to post because of who might be watching. I know I'm really sounding like I've done some major fuckshit but unless I get told otherwise, I'm gonna say that I haven't. I've just associated with some insane people, and I ain't lookin' to list 'em all out to spare the headache.

I still don't have good things to say about myself sometimes, I feel like I overshare to a point people will get weirded out, I feel like I'll scare people off for being too eager and hyped or "insistent", or generally annoy them when I talk. But even despite all of that, I still managed to keep some good people in corner, and bring in some who turn out to be good, and just enjoyable to talk to in a lot of ways, give me advice on certain things I have trouble with, so...What I'm trying to say is,

I can't thank any of you enough for still staying with me. I could say those two words hundreds or even thousands of times, and it still wouldn't feel enough to me. So thank you. And here's to another year of tomfoolery.

#outofpuppups #I'm honest to god worried what '24 will bring but while we're still not there yet- here you go

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hoghtastic · 2 years ago

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It's me again. I'm the one who wrote the ask about feeling ridiculous about feeling hurt about Alex & Johanne being together/possibly living together.

To the anon who thinks I was making fun of the other anons here & mocking you guys or "usuing a different angle," you can feel how you want, but I was honestly being serious. I did use some of the same words & phrases that a lot of you guys have used to describe what you call a "stan" on purpose & I started out putting it in quotations but I figured it wouldn't be necessary for all of them that I mentioned. I wasn't doing that to try to make myself look better or "claim" anything. I was doing exactly what the admin said-I felt like these descriptions describe me to a certain degree BUT I do not feel like I am a stan. I can think for myself, I don't follow the crowd, I don't kiss ANYONE'S a$$, & even if I "like someone" (Johanne for example), I have no problem saying if I disagree with with something they've said or done. Anything I say or do is because I feel like it's right & not because I think I may gain something from it. And that's the exact point of my original ask. I know that if I were to post lovey dovey posts of the two of them that it's not getting me anywhere with either of them. I also know if I posted something calling her out on her BS, it's also not gaining me any props from anyone here who disagrees with how she's represented herself. And when I say I'm usually smarter than this, I meant it. I feel rather intelligent but obviously not brilliant & I know I have lots I can still learn in this lifetime. However, something about this ridiculous feeling I have when it comes to Alex makes me feel very F@%KING insane! And I, otherwise, feel like I'm definitely not! So I hope you can understand, I'm seriously NOT trying to make you or anyone else feel like I'm trying to talk negatively about you in some sort of sincerely twisted way. I'm seriously here, pouring my heart out, because I don't know anyone in my personal life who would even understand WTF I'm even talking about, let along be able to give me any suggestions.

Now, to the admin, wow! Your response sincerely moved me & really brought tears to my eyes! I know very little about parasocial relationships & have only heard about it in relation to this Fandom (go figure) so thank you for linking the article (that I haven't yet read but will) & for your feedback. I am usually pretty self aware & I think that's exactly what is freaking me out because I know, from the mixed feelings I've been having lately, that something is CLEARLY very off for these types of things to be bothering me but at the same time, not bothering me. Does that make any sense? Lol I know better. Yet, I can't control it. I try. I discuss this with the one friend in the Fandom that I have but I've still come up with no real explanation. And you, my dear, sweet knowledgeable admin, have given me lots of food for thought & I thank you! Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. I don't quite think I need professional help just YET lol but I definitely see that almost anything could tip that cup in that direction quite easily. And just so you & anyone else who MAY feel a bit concerned, know, I'm NOT at risk of doing anything stupid like hurting myself {or anyone else lmao} due to all these ridiculous issues. I love me way too much. It's just that I recognize some of what I've been feeling isn't really that "normal," & when I've searched deep within & asked myself why it's happening, I have been unsuccessful. I'm happy to hear this can be something that others experience, too, because quite frankly, I sometimes feel SO D*MN alone! I do know there's some good from all of this because I have made a bond with the friend I mentioned above because of Alex.

I guess, ultimately, my issues really have nothing to do with Alex, his life, his gf, or happiness with her at all but honestly, everything to do with me, myself and I'm projecting my thoughts of how things should be onto to him, the object of my affection. & yes, how we see him at conventions definitely doesn't help anything.

Maybe I should have written this all out in a private message to you & not here for everyone to read, but honestly, maybe the responses from you & anyone who doesn't think I'm trying out "a different angle" can be helpful to others as well. Sorry this is so long but thank you from the deepest pit of my soul for posting the other ask & for your advice & helpful information. I just may end up sending you a private message before long (& I hear over half the people here saying, "Oh thank God!" as they yawn. Haha)

Thank you for everything & I promise not to bother you guys with this any longer!

And P.S.

I hope you all understand how serious I am now. (& yes, seriously crazy, too. But at least I can laugh at myself!)

Anon to anon. 😊

As for me, I’m really glad my response was somewhat helpful. Rest assured that you’re definitely not insane nor are you alone in this, anon. Your feelings are valid, and I truly admire you for being so self aware of them and bringing up such an important discussion, especially in the context of a fandom. Parasocial relationships are very common, especially nowadays, and even encouraged by the industry who sees them as profitable. So I feel it’s important for people to understand what they are and why we get caught up in such relationships, their benefits (like making new friends, like you mentioned), but also their darkest side. So thank you too. 😊 And if you (or anyone else) ever need someone to listen, I’m always a message away.

#anon asks #anon to anon #parasocial relationships #off topic

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unproduciblesmackdown · 1 month ago

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never really write from any character's perspective with particularly strong Voice, though that element does affect how i write at all, and for my convenience it's always just like hope whatever character this is is ready to do a lot of introspecting....but that thought then also had me think how like, well and of course probably even that introspection isn't going to have a very certain kind of typical™ je ne sais quoi. and then thinking how i wouldn't really expect like, a character's inner dialogue to 1:1 match their outer dialogue, also not oh so typical™ perhaps

the spinoff is thinking more in recent years about / basically more accurately appreciating how Talking has never been so ""natural"" as it's ""supposed"" to be for me, perhaps. like oh yeah i can notice better how much of a draining performance it can be, especially in more already demanding situations, how if im Already very drained & dealing with demands it can be pretty beyond me to talk at all, certainly if im very upset too....or how like it's always been the case like yep i'll almost always drift into some degree of taking on / mimicking some of the speaking affects of whomever i'm talking to. beautiful song of the mockingbird, parrot, lyrebird, crow, common starling? heard the song of one the other day maybe the first time knowingly like wow gongeous

anyway i also connected it to like, as an elementary schooler i remember like epistolary books written as though the protagonist is Journaling / Scrapbooking with like lined paper, handwriting, marginal notes & drawings & such, & always being kind of taken with the liveliness of that & its sense of Direct Expression enhanced through that style vs even like first person narration in standard design / formatted printed books....yet like "practice" forms like writing in a diary likewise ostensibly directed to myself or the ambiguous Reader would not take off at all bc it felt forced & not at all "natural," like i was only imitating what i thought it Should seem like thusly to talk about yourself, which Was the issue, also that i wasn't even really having any lively experiences to write about lol

but like that relevant issue in the approach of like writing as though "talking" about oneself....like once again w yeah that general issue that it was never a matter of "just" expressing myself that way "naturally" or "ideally" or what have you. (shoutout to the like 5th grade Big Field Trip to sleepaway camp (this is just like billy witch....) for like two to three days where i was like nice, this would be perfect to try that Journal To Self Ft. Drawings about. & i got anywhere with that but lost steam only partway through still & remember like after being tasked w some dining hall cleanup help (swept) i was working on that & Random Adult impromptu skeptically asks if i've done my tasks or whatever like nth zillionth resentment points of authority & the classic "it doesn't ever happen if nobody saw it" & "if anyone saw you & assumed whatever & they're Authority then die")

then i guess it's how like also yeah i guess i can Talk Most (in the "wrong" way. im not calling anything whatever kind of dumping) if im just sort of able to for that time lock into something of a performance for that moment, relay a Saga, do the powerpoint, the monologue....sure like when im really On &/or vibing with whomever like relatively more rapid back-and-forth / shorter & more spontaneous talking is easier but yknow. still doing a bit, and that bit is being a bon vivant or what have you. not that my joie de vivre and comedic connoisseurdom isn't real but so too is my Self-Expression & communication but yknow the Normative version is what's supposedly most Real & Legitimate and so on so. well we're all performing but the less of the normative™ the more awareness of that there is

#patting one's past self on the back striving for a sense of genuine self-expression #like well unfortunately lot of external reasons the best way forward seems to be trying for how it ''should'' sound....#and also why it doesn't feel like you have as much to talk™ about anyway as in books #that & rip to the How To Make A Friendship Bracelet & Here's Some Materials i anticipated someday using but never did #was like well you just Have Friends by the time you're a high schooler....#now i've never woven fuckall & am like well i don't believe in friendship #But All That's About To Change...? (Weaving event at this library branch on the 30th)#anyway im not pressing for banana's Inner Dialogue to sound like it could be his outer dialogue #not to say i think im writing his outer dialogue with such strong In-Character Voice aplomb but #would you believe there's still always that much more [inner commentary] than outer dialogue in my writing??? Well

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kayincolwyn · 6 months ago

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Holding Onto Hope And Being Like Superman - A New Year's Reflection

I just toasted in the new year of 2025 with my wife Kaylyn at midnight about a half hour ago, and wanted to sit down to reflect a bit. Initially I had wanted to do a Christmas Eve reflection about shame and grace and how I see those opposing forces playing out in my life and the world today, as that been on my mind lately, but I couldn't quite pull it together last week as it's a lot to unpack, so will have to shelve that for later.

But I still wanted to try to write some kind of reflection for the end of 2024 and going into 2025, so instead of focusing on shame and grace I wanted to focus on something else that's on my mind right now, and that so many of us really need right now I think: hope.

Looking up some quick definitions, hope can be defined in a few different ways:

As a noun -

a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.

a person or thing that may help or save someone.

grounds for believing that something good may happen.

(archaic) a feeling of trust.

As a verb -

want something to happen or be the case.

intend if possible to do something.

With those definitions in mind, it can be hard to have hope, and with everything that's going on in the world right now, such as political and economic upheaval both here in America and abroad, wars and growing threats of World War III, the rise of AI, climate change, etc, it can be so easy to feel discouraged or even to despair about what the future holds.

And I'll admit that more often that not I deal with my anxiety about the future by doing my best to dissociate from it and focus as best I can on my own life and taking it one day at a time, as I imagine many people try to do, but I know that not everyone has that luxury or ability, and I may not always have that either, and I believe we also need to be aware of what's going on in the world around us and play some part in it, or at least try to.

But anyway what I really need in the face of whatever the future may bring isn't so much the ability to tune it out as I do hope, or something to hold onto, though of course that's easier said than done when hope can seem so fragile or ephemeral, so quickly fading or slipping through our fingers.

And not only does hope seem fragile and ephemeral, but many times in my life I've been disillusioned or disappointed when I put my hope in something, whether it be relationships or institutions (including government, science, education, medicine, etc.) or even religion (in my case Christianity, which I walked away from in my late twenties for various reasons), finding that people are just as human and flawed and fallible as myself, which then crosses over into institutions because they are made up of people, and crosses over into religion because religions are formulated and interpreted and spread by people, who again are flawed and fallible, so everything we humans are part of or build can feel suspect to some degree or another.

Sometimes everything feels like it's on shaky ground because I'm not sure if I can even trust myself, let alone anyone or anything else, so hope can feel more like a risk than a sure fire thing, and so many of us, understandably, want to guard ourselves, so cynicism and pessimism, as depressing as they may be, can feel safer, like a fortress to guard our tender hearts.

And I get it. I try to be realistic myself, try to 'not get my hopes up' too much, because so often things don't work as I had hoped they would, or they even fall apart, so betting against hope can sometimes feel more logical, more rational.

And yet I can't help but want to hold onto hope, even in the face of a lot of uncertainty, as illogical or irrational as they may seem sometimes, and while I struggle with trusting myself sometimes as much as I do anyone else, my gut tells me to not give up on hope, and I try to trust that.

So where do I find hope now, or what is it that I hold onto that gives me some hope?

Of course I can only speak for myself, but I will share a few things that I hold onto.

Despite being hurt in relationships with others, whether it be through disagreements or even rejection, I have also experienced reconciliation as well as acceptance, and though I've experienced callousness and even some cruelty, I have also experienced a good degree of compassion and kindness, and though I have been let down by people I've also been held up by them, and that is something for me to hold onto, and makes me want to keep trying at relationships, and wanting to keep trying to communicate and connect with others as best I can, because I believe that's important, and we need eachother.

Despite being let down by institutions, and being aware of the corruption, the bias, and the many faults and flaws that are within them, I have seen glimpses and glimmers of people trying to do the right thing within them, or wanting to change them for the better or wanting to build better and more just and effective and inclusive institutions.

And while I can understand a lot of the distrust in our institutions that is out there today as it is entirely valid and shouldn't be ignored, and institutions should be open to criticism, even harsh criticism in some cases, I'm not of the mind that we should just tear them all down (although perhaps in some cases they may need to be torn down in some ways to rebuild them better) and give up entirely on things like government, science, education, medicine, etc., because I do believe they have their place and can be better, and I hold onto that too.

Despite having been let down by religion, and really the whole idea of having faith in some kind of transcendent reality or meaning or purpose in general, it is still something I can't help but reach for in some way, even though I now push back against dogmatism of any kind, and not just dogmatism coming from religion but dogmatism coming from secularism/materialism as well.

To have all reality or meaning or purpose put into a heavily constricted box as in religion (most especially fundamentalist religion) or to have it be dissected and disenchanted and flattened by secularism/materialism just leaves me wanting, and while they may both have some things of value to say or contribute I no longer wish to allow either to gatekeep everything that I think or feel about my life and the world and the universe.

So now I am trying to find a third way, so to speak, of my own choosing, not forcing myself to fit into any particular tradition or philosophy but trying to keep an open mind and have curiosity, and yes hope, about reality and our place in it.

In a dream that I had a little while back the message that I got from it was to 'trust in the mystery', and going back to that more archaic definition for hope that I shared above, I could also say 'hope in the mystery'.

This is a challenge of course, and as someone who has had a fair amount of existential anxiety, existence itself can feel overwhelming and even terrifying at times, the mystery of it all, as there really is so much we don't know for sure, but that is a message I try to take to heart, that I can trust in, or hope in, the mystery, and that that trust and hope can be strong and lasting rather than fragile or ephemeral, and that at the bottom of everything isn't horror or madness but rather beauty and wonder.

Those are a few of the things that I try to hold onto, and I guess you could say more generally that what gives me some hope isn't any specific one thing or person but a broad collection and cumulation of things and people, of moments and connections, and all of that helps me to keep going, and I can imagine that each of us has our own collection and cumulation of things and people, of moments and connections, that help us to keep going.

I could leave it there, but before I go, partly because I'm a nerd and partly because I believe it's relevant to this topic, and may be a better place to leave off here, I wanted to talk about Superman, and about the recent Superman film teaser trailer that exploded on the internet about a week ago as well as the recent Christopher Reeve documentary Super/Man: The Christopher Reeve Story, that I watched a few nights ago.

I grew up with Superman, and especially the Christopher Reeve Superman films, and I have always had a soft spot for the character and still think of him as my favorite superhero character, even though many see him as sort of vanilla or old fashioned compared to most other characters.

Of course a character with so much godlike power can be appealing in a sort of fantasy/wish fulfillment kind of way, but I've mostly been drawn to the character because of what he represents and stands for, and how he's someone who's greatest power isn't super strength, super speed, flight, heat vision, or any other such ability, but rather the desire and drive to do the right thing, to give, to sacrifice, to help others and to save lives, not because he has to do that but because he wants to do that, because he cares about others and wants the world to be a better place.

Superman as a character represents hope for and in humanity, and perfectly embodies metaphorically that definition of hope above as 'a person or thing that helps or saves someone'. In short, he's aspirational, and encourages us through example to be our best selves, our most loving and caring selves, to be more than we may think or feel we can be, to be, in short, good people.

Of course there are many who have seen parallels between the character and Jesus Christ (and other savior figures in religion), which is fair, as he was originally created in the late 1930s by Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, who were both Jewish, and I am sure to some degree they were inspired by the Jewish belief in a promised Messiah who would come to save them, and Christians later saw Jesus as that promised Messiah, so it's no surprise that the parallels would be there, and perhaps that draw and attraction that many have felt to the character is part of that, an archetype that many are inspired by and find hope in, which is true of many Jews and Christians worldwide I am sure when they think of 'the Messiah', whether it's a Messiah that has already come or is still on their way.

But one does not need to be religious to find appeal in a character who can be interpreted not only as a savior, but also as an example to follow, not only as someone to look up to, but also as someone that we can be like in our own way.

When I watched the recent trailer for Superman, a film directed by James Gunn, that is coming out July of next year, I was moved by it as were many others, and there was a lot of talk about how it filled people with hope, and I think that was very much intentional, as Gunn feels that that is what Superman is really all about.

It starts with Superman beaten and bloody on the ground in the Arctic, and a rock version of the iconic John Williams Superman theme from 1978 kicks in as it progresses, and it includes him whistling to his rather adorable dog Krypto for help, and then it really takes off with a powerful moment of him shielding a young girl from flying debris, as well as a young boy in another country raising a flag with Superman's iconic S symbol and whispering 'Superman', and there are chants of 'Superman' as the trailer progresses, including Superman fighting monsters and being shouted at angrily by onlookers, and ends with him flying into the sky towards the sun, and being embraced warmly by Lois Lane.

It's a powerful and well edited trailer, and I admit I've watched it several times and it has made me tear up almost every time as I've been so moved by it, and I believe they did a great job at capturing what makes the character so appealing, and needless to say I'm really excited to see the movie, as I have really enjoyed all of James Gunn's recent superhero work (the Guardians Of The Galaxy trilogy, The Suicide Squad, the Peacemaker series, and most recently the animated series Creature Commandos), as I appreciate his blend of action and humor and heart, so I look forward to seeing what he brings to Superman.

But I wonder if it's not just the stirring music and imagery that has moved many people who have watched the trailer, but they have also been moved by what Superman represents as a character, which again is, more than anything, hope. And in that trailer he starts out beaten and broken down, which needless to say is how many of us may feel right now, and by the end he is flying into the sky and being held by love, which is something we can also aspire to and may long for.

But of course Superman is only a fictional character that was created for comic books and has since worked his way into the cultural consciousness through films and television and other media, so there may be limits to him as a role model for us of course, although stories can no doubt have power, whether they are fictional or not.

But for a real life role model, we could also turn to the man who played the character in a way that our culture most recognizes and remembers, namely Christopher Reeve. Again I grew up with Reeve's Superman films, and while the third and fourth films are in the opinion of most deeply flawed and even Reeve himself was pretty disappointed in them, the first two are considered classics by many and still among the greatest superhero films ever made, and that is largely because of Reeve's performance in them.

He had a charm about him that was attractive and memorable, and he took the character very seriously and wanted to express what he saw in him through his performance, and it shows. As Reeve himself said, “What makes Superman a hero is not that he has power, but that he has the wisdom and the maturity to use the power wisely. From an acting point of view, that’s how I approached the part.”

But people not only fondly remember Reeve as Superman, but also remember him from how he handled and responded to a lifechanging accident that paralysed him for the last ten years of his life. In the recent very moving and thoughtful documentary Super/Man: The Christopher Reeve Story, which looked at Reeve's life and most especially that last ten years of his life, they look into how he and his family navigated and responded to his paralysis, including how they started a foundation for others like Reeve who were suffering with paralysis, both for potential cures for those who still hope for them but also to encourage and raise money for greater resources for and acceptance of people in that community where they are and as they are.

His wonderful wife Dana carried on his work after Reeve's death until her own tragic death from cancer only a year and a half later, but Reeve's three children continue on their work even today.

It was a very inspiring film, and Reeve, who didn't really see himself as a hero, was held up as one by many, and not so much because of a beloved character that he played, but because he didn't let a lifechanging accident keep him from living, he didn't give up, and he wanted to help others in his place and give them a voice. And not only could he be seen as a hero, but so can his wife who supported him and stood by him through everything, even at great personal cost, and sought to help others as much as he did, and so can his children for continuing his legacy and work.

The film ends with a quote from Christopher Reeve where he says: "A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." I think it's safe to say that Reeve and his family embody that definition of heroes, and I believe that definition may fit many of us too at different times in our lives, and may do so in the future. I think Reeve's message, both said and lived by example, is that we don't need superpowers to be superheroes in our own way.

And bringing this back to the topic at hand, Christopher Reeve also said that “once you choose hope, anything's possible.” I think this is true, and it doesn't mean that your desires will always be fulfilled or that what you want to have happen will always happen. In Reeve's case, he wanted to walk again, and while he tried as much as he could through physical therapy he was never able to, and I'm sure he didn't want to die when he did, at 52, but sadly he did.

And yet I think his hope is largely what kept him going and kept him alive for that last ten years of his life, and not just the hope of maybe someday overcoming his paralysis, but the hope he found in his wife and his children and his family and friends and fans and supporters, and also the meaning he found in being an embodiment of hope for others.

I believe we can all embody hope to one another as well, through our love and support for one another (like Lois Lane held Superman at the end of that trailer and like Dana held Christopher in real life), by trying to be a good example to one another, like Superman and the Reeve family, people both real and fictional, are examples to us, and by persevering and enduring through overwhelming obstacles, including those we are all facing now, whether individually or collectively, and I would add that, much like Superman or Christopher Reeve, we could try to do some good, could try to help others, even as we endure and persevere.

Now I don't know what the future holds, and it may indeed be full of overwhelming obstacles, and hope may often seem fragile or ephemeral, or even illogical or irrational, and when we as humans can be so flawed and fallible it can be difficult to have hope in and for humanity when it feels so risky, and cynicism and pessimism about our future may feel so much easier than having hope in ourselves or one another, or anything at all.

And yet, even with so much uncertainty, I can't help but trust my gut to hold onto hope, stubbornly, perhaps even foolishly, and with as much endurance and perseverance as I can muster, and I hope you will too.

A happy, and dare I say hopeful, new year to all, and when looking for hope remember to not only look up, but also look in the mirror, and to each other.

#hope #superman #christopher reeve #new years

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thekaratcake-blog · 6 months ago

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Clearly you're not understanding things like how real dynamics vary from linguistics, or how subtexts in media can exist when you're just taking it at face value, or that many things often aren't black and white in general. The reason people are angry at you isn't because you're "all about the facts!" because of your autism like you keep going on about, it's because instead of accepting that sometimes you don't get certain things, you just act like you're an expert on absolutely everything, including other people's experiences.

I mentioned my autism like... twice? See these sorts of asks are very telling that people have only looked at just a handful of my posts and have decided they know me and what I thnk and how I view the world, the reason I'm fact oriented is just that it's my personal philosophy, and I get that but I don't really care what excuse are made, specifically adding an extra qualifier, going out of your way to add an extra qualifier to unnessecarily narrow the scope of a support part is definitionally exclusionary, idk what's so hard to get about that

Also again, and I can't believe I have to keep saying this, the people I'm calling out aren't talking about personal experience, they're making sweeping declarations about an entire community, personal experience declarations are obviously very different, when people say "oh yeah the queer community does this" or "people should stop doing this" that's not "in my experience I've seen this happen" that's saying it's a consistant thing

I'm not an expert on anyone's person experience, but if they pretend their person experience is a universal truth when it provably isn't, I will call that out, because that's dangerous and these have all been at least to some degree, driving people away from the wider community and into lil isolationist bubbles, and villifying those they disagree with with claims of bigotry over stuff that just isn't

It's why these people are comfortable coming into my inbox and telling me to kill myself, intentionally misgendering me, throwing insults, making threats, throwing around slurs, saying horrible shit, the same people who are championing for social justice and equality, because it's not about that, it's either people who want to feel special and feel like they have to be oppressed by the rest of the community to do so, or people who have been driven so far into fear by this isolationist posts that they no longer see dissenting voices as people, but rather monsters, that they no longer care about equality and justice, just attacking those outside them

It's just ingroup outgroup bias at work but in a dangerous way

I want to make it clear, my key area of interest and study is theoretical mathematics, second is literally this, the psychology behind conspiracy and exclusionism, like this is genuinely something I've spent years looking into and reading papers about, I literally am, although not an expert, incredibly well versed in understanding and recognizing this sort of behaviour

I'm not talking out of my ass, like I keep saying, I am very aware of what's going on, I've done research into it, and into their claims, which is why I can tell them that they're nonsense, a personal experience claim cannot be disproven or verified, a claim about a statistically significant portion of a population exhibiting a certain behaviour, can, rather easily actually

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chenxhen · 1 year ago

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Being Above Average but of Average Social Standing

The Tao that can be trodden is not the enduring and unchanging Tao. The Tao-Path is not the All-Tao. The Name is not the Thing named. - Laozi, Tao Te Ching

I know I'm intelligent. I've never done an IQ test, because I believe it's just another unnecessary box people are placed into. But, growing up, I've been told by teachers and other intelligent people that I'm intelligent. I've always thought school was too easy, and was recommended into gifted programs. Everything from Math to English, I was either top of the class or close to the top. And I know I'm intelligent as well. I see it in the way I think and convey my thoughts.

Apart from academic excellence, I also have many talents. My parents were very adamant on making me a "cultured" individual. I was placed into various extracurricular classes ever since I was four or five years old. Dance, visual arts, and vocal lessons were the ones I enjoyed the most, and also the ones that came most naturally to me. I also love to read and write prose and poetry. I grew up performing, and honing these skills. I'm very self-critical (another quality of intelligence), so I would always try to improve. I believe in the capacity of any human being to be able to do what any other human being can do. Of course, there are certain limitations resulting from our genes, but we're still all human beings. If one tries hard enough, the limits are boundless.

I'm also quite good-looking. I've received many compliments, and I'm very confident in my appearance. I also dress well, work out, and take care of myself to maintain my appearance.

And to add on top of all of this, I'm not a boring prude either. I know how to have fun. I'm quite witty, and I love to be silly.

Now, I'm not saying all of this to boast. I'm not perfect, and I'm certainly not the best at everything. I can't play an instrument, sometimes it takes me a while to feel the beat of a song, I don't speak the most eloquently, and I certainly don't have model-like good looks. I'm aware of this. I see when other people are better in these ways. I always compliment people where they deserve to be. I was raised to be modest, humble, and to see the good in others. I'm just very well-rounded, and as a whole above average.

Why does this matter, and why am I speaking on all of this? Well, despite excelling in many ways, I come from a very humble family, finances wise. As a result, my opportunities in life were always limited. Another crutch to this reality is that I'm a first generation immigrant. My parents and I came to Canada in 2007, after I had just completed first grade in China. We came here with very little money, and my parents had to restart their lives. They worked lower middle class or working class jobs to make ends meet. Our connections were limited to people in these sectors of society as well. The focus was always on making more money and climbing up the social ladder. This is why going to a good university, getting a good degree, a good job, and making a lot of money is so important to us. However, it created many problems for my up-bringing.

My family was dysfunctional, the pressure was on me to dig us out of a hole I wasn't a part of digging, and I had very few friends. I had nothing material to show for my excellence. I'm also a female, with quite the baby face. People like to judge. Humans are superficial. And we create expectations of others in our minds out of these incorrect prejudices. When people first look at me, they more often than not think I'll be a weak, demure, and simple girl. They won't expect me to have all the abilities I hold. Whenever there's a disconnect between a person's expectations and realities, discomfort arises. It triggers a fight or flight response, because there's a sense of unfamiliarity and fear. The disconnect I cause in people's minds is probably quite great. People either love me or hate me because of it. All of this meant I had very little support from the people I most wanted support from - my family and my peers. I was intimidating to most people my age, and my family had very little time or money to spare me.

As a result, I've always felt pressured to prove myself. There has always been such a great weight on my shoulders to do anything that would show people just how great I am, and what I can achieve beyond people's expectations of me. Eventually, I became drained. It's not easy when I'm able to see past what's in front of me and onto the bigger picture. I'm constantly helping others, when I lack the most support. I won't lie, some of this I did create for myself, because people just don't stimulate my brain enough, or aren't able to match up to me, and I don't feel comfortable asking those I consider "weaker" than me for help.

At the age of 18, I began losing my mind to it all. I had very little friends - if any I considered close, I wasn't doing what I wanted, and I became depressed. I had just gotten into university, but it quickly dawned on me that this wasn't what I wanted at all. I was doing all of this in search of something that was in actuality meaningless to me. I don't care about money or status. All I want is to live a simple life, and let the days pass me by stress-free. I transferred out of several university programs, dropped out completely, and went to college instead. It made me feel incredibly insecure. Now I had absolutely nothing to show for who I am on the inside. I was back at square one. It felt like my life was starting over. This feeling only brought me down more. I felt like a failure, and I began to lose my way.

Today, I'm settling back into who I am. I don't have to prove anything to anyone. The future seems incredibly uncertain, but there's one thing I'm incredibly certain of - who I am and my value. I'm incredibly valuable. It sucks that most people just won't ever see that. But, I have accepted it for what it is. Society is made for the average person, and those who are on par with me will see me for all that I am. I just have to continue to be my best self, and hope for a future where I'm not taken for granted. Results are what matter, not the journey.

If you are average, I'm telling you to be grateful for being average. It's the luckiest thing a person can be in this society. However, I won't ever dumb myself down to fit in. The results will be shown in my satisfaction with life, and self-actualization (a little Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs reference to end this off).

Best to everyone.

Love, Chenchen ♡

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mitigatedchaos · 2 years ago

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[ me ]

Ah, here we go. Rationalism is not a cult and Yudkowsky is not a cult leader, but it contains some tools one could use to build a cult and it's reported that someone did do that.

[ anon ]

From what I've seen of this cult, it looks like the most important Rationalist assets it used were the people, not the ideas - it treated Rationalist communities as a good hunting grounds to find susceptible people.

I haven't reviewed the reports myself because that's not my "job," per se. I'll agree that the Rationalist population has people who are susceptible to certain cult tactics.

I was going to do a quick and dirty ideological functional decomposition on some common Rationalist tropes (not my usual target!), but in terms of risks from ideological mechanics, the core thing for the Rationalists is that all formal systems are fundamentally incomplete and break down outside a given range of underlying conditions.

Maximization/Optimization pushes the conditions towards these kinds of asymptotic positions where the formal system is either less connected to reality, or becomes undefined.

(It's possible that all ideological systems contain some fundamental core loop, but not enough study of the functional components of ideological systems has been done to determine this.)

Rather than the circular logic of more conventional systems ("denying that you have male fragility is classic fragile male behavior!") though, most of the body of risk in Rationalism likely lies in the asymptotes where the proposed underlying conditions exceed those of appropriate epistemic humility for a human being - taking ideas too seriously, shutting up and multiplying the wrong numbers or numbers too wildly imprecise to be used in practice, acting on the basis of thought experiments devised to test the limits of ethics with an unwarranted degree of certainty, and so on.

For instance, just because God can see every possible vector combination of realities doesn't mean those realities actually exist. As far as I'm aware, the Many Worlds Interpretation hasn't allowed us to interact with any other "branches," so we have to weigh the (substantial) possibility that our physics about it is just incorrect.

But if someone can be talked into believing in "quantum immortality," in which reality branches and their experience is continuous only with branches in which they survive, they can be convinced of insane ideas like playing the lottery with a commitment to shoot themselves if they lose - with only their gut, which they may have been told not to trust, telling them not to do it.

Lately I've been thinking in terms of text as having "weights." As in, "take this only 80% seriously." I suspect a lot of Rationalist thinking is useful in the 30-80% range, can't quite make up for shortfalls in underlying intelligence, and gets toxic above 80% and dangerous above 90%.

#the rationalists #the ingroup

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cinnamonest · 4 years ago

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Yandere Profile - Scaramouche

Yes I’m finally posting it lol, I had this sitting around a while actually and was hoping we'd get more info or anything on my boy, but since it looks like that's not happening anytime soon and I’ve had it done, I'll just go ahead and post

That and I kept asking myself "Man is this it? Is this the limit of too gross and dark for it to be searchable?" but meh. I'm sure eventually we'll get more info and I'll have to edit or redo this but oh well, I felt like writing a super sadistic bastard so. For one thing I don't think it's confirmed? But I'm still going with the idea he's electro vision.

EDIT: this is circulating a lot again. Please note this was made prior to version 2.0.

------------------------------------------------

Tws: fem reader, sadism, ns/f/w themes/mentions, manipulation, derogatory offensive language, mutilation, psychological torture, a LOT of physical and emotional abuse, bone breaking, detailed branding, scarification/cutting, mentions of murder, referenced trying to hurt yourself, descriptions of torture to a third party, brief descriptions of violence and gore and very brief mentions of eye/decapitation related stuff on a third party. Scara's just.... very awful lol

Tws (ns//fw section): noncon, severe sadism, d/s content, nonconsensual masochistic conditioning, degradation, anal, public humiliation, cockwarming, petplay, it's just... bad

This is definitely the darkest/most brutal one I've done by a pretty good margin, so, I just feel like I should warn that in case dark yandere isn't your thing.

The whole thing is really long (longest one yet yay) so I'm putting the whole thing under a cut, with a ====== line to divide the sfw and ns//fw sections.

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Severity Scale

Intelligence/Perceptiveness: 7

Brutality: 10

Physical capability: 6

Mental/emotional instability: 3

Restrictiveness: 6

Sexual sadism: 11

Stubbornness: 9.5

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

Bastard.

Honestly? A lot of his bullshit is defensive, he's basically an extra-mean tsundere that will also happen to rip limbs off of people who look at you the wrong way. Quite literally a case of, "it's not like I like you or anything," which he tells both you and himself.

I mean, what were you expecting. The man is not regarded as a particularly nice person.

Nonetheless, liking you will inevitably come through in certain moments, the mask of apathy for you comes off when necessary, and what comes through instead is an insane degree of possessiveness and defensiveness. It most likely starts with someone else insulting you or getting mad at you, perhaps a Fatui darling that fucks up and some other superior starts yelling at you -- can't have that. Only he's allowed to yell at you, he's the only person that can make you cry and apologize and cower like that, and he has... low self-control. He'll absolutely get pissed and publicly blow up at the other person, making a scene that actually has some benefits, as it will deter everyone who witnesses it from ever being mean to you. Honestly, his meanness is somewhat made up by the fact that literally everyone else will be incredibly nice to you (when you are both given permission to interact), if for nothing else but fear of his wrath.

As far as who, it's likely one of two roles, first, an underling or direct subordinate as mentioned above, perhaps some kind of assistant. Second, more likely, someone who did meet him for a few moments, but in a rather... negative encounter. An enemy he was sent to deal with perhaps, someone he maybe almost got to fight but they ran away, like a coward. Someone who got in the way of him and a target. It's an instinct, really, like escaped prey, to chase after it.

Does he know your name? Because it's... questionable, given that he never calls you by it, instead opting for some rather derogatory, even offensive pet names with even more derogatory adjectives. Namely sexualized, y'know, things like that, the occasional "fucktoy" or "cumslut" later on. And it's wise not to get upset over it, because if you show any anger over it, he'll just intentionally get even worse and meaner. Again, it's all part of a defense mechanism, because God forbid you get the impression that he enjoys being around you. He'll also come up with a mean name based on a physical trait of yours. And... it's somewhat creative, at least. Something derogatory, but it's.... personalized, so, at least that's, well... affectionate? Examples include things such as four-eyes for a glasses-wearer, cow tits for the larger-chested, dumbass for a spacey, inattentive darling.

In a perpetual effort to degrade you as much as possible, he also expects you to respond to whistles and tongue-clicking, you know, the sound you make to call dogs and horses? Well, that sound is for you too, add in a "come here" finger motion sometimes -- all while not bothering to even look up from what he's doing. He could use words, but, that's more effort than he should have to put in, and you should be well-trained enough to know you're supposed to come when you hear that sound.

Another thing is that from the get-go, you get collared. It's degrading, it's possessive, it's humiliating, it's everything he likes inflicting on you. It's made for humans, so it has a lock and key, it's too tight to pull it over your head, and it's solid leather and can't be easily cut. So you're not getting out of it easily. It's not a sex thing, he insists, even though it clearly is and you will openly accuse him of it. He'll admit to it eventually. But it does have it's practical purposes as well. It can't be taken off, and it has his name and the Fatui's symbols on it, so even if you should get out and seek help from some kind of law enforcement or locals, the moment they see your collar they'll just drag you back.

And for someone who always insists you're bothering him, you will find he is actually rather... clingy. Before you know it, you're spending every second of your day with the man. Let's be real, given some of the shit going on within the Fatui, they're not gonna care that one of their highest ranking individuals has, well, more or less a slave. People will turn a blind eye. They don't care if he brings you with him. And like a good pet, you'll just sit quietly tethered to a desk. All day. He'd rather that than leave you at home. If you complain enough, he'll get you something to do, some kind of paper and pencil or a puzzle or the like, tells you to do that and not bother him. But he insists on you being with him. And likewise, the clinginess continues even in living quarters. If he's working on something, he expects you to stay in the same room. If you're in one room and try to run off to the kitchen or bedroom or whatever, you get a glare and a where the fuck do you think you're going?

You actually end up spending, unfortunately, almost more time with him than any other yan, because he insists on taking you to work every single day, whether that's in a headquarters or elsewhere, even on trips/missions, you can just hang around nearby within sight if there's any fighting. He has no need to hide you, since everyone knows about you, and he has enough power to not be challenged by bringing you wherever he wants, so he quite literally keeps you by his side, perpetually, 24/7. How... sweet.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

For a subordinate darling, though, you're right there, so it's not hard. He just tells you you can't leave, and you're going to be changing your living quarters to his. In fact, he already had some other underlings go to your residence and move some of your things. If you should resist, well, you know your family information is on your employment records, right? Would be such a shame if anything happened to them. He doesn't try to hide it very much, makes the threat pretty obvious with no hint of subtleness.

for any other darling, well, kidnapping is for pathetic people, and he's not one, he thinks. He's too obsessive over self image -- if he kidnaps you, that would make it seem like he likes you, or, archons forbid, even needs you. Can't have that.

Thankfully, there is a useful alternative. It's called, "passive aggressively threatening financial ruin, great harm and even death upon your loved ones unless you do as you are told." See, he doesn't have to resort to pathetic measures like kidnapping. You come willingly. Nor does he get you himself, he's above that. Sure, he might... feel the urge to, but again, he has an image to maintain, you know. Going to fetch his new pet is a task delegated to underlings.

Which is something you honestly might want to thank your lucky stars for, because they're far too afraid of consequences to be rough about it. If you showed up with bruises or cuts, who knows what could happen to them if they marred and defiled his toy with their disgusting hands. So, they're very... gentle. Honestly, the poor things might get you with pity, that if you don't come back with them, it's their job, wellbeing, even life on the line, so hey, maybe you could do the right, empathetic thing and come with them? Maybe you can talk him out of it, and save both of you! (They know that's impossible, but they say so anyway).

For the one-time-encounter darling, at first you're not even sure who they're talking about or what's going on, you're confused and think maybe they have the wrong person? Unfortunately once you're there, once they shove you into a room and slam the doors behind you, you have the oh no, I remember this guy moment. Because, well, how could you forget him? Now you're actually nervous, because they're not very clear at first as to why you're there, only that you're being detained by their forces, so you might think the Fatui would like to kill you, but that doesn't make sense since they brought you all the way here. Maybe interrogation? No, that doesn't make sense either.

He feigns apathy. Again, can't make it seem like you're, you know, important. It's more of an oh, yeah, almost forgot that you were coming sort of attitude. Like you're wasting his time, as if you weren't the one practically dragged here. He's doing some kind of paperwork (not really, he's just holding a pen and pretending to read the paper), and doesn't bother looking up for more than a moment. You're already asking questions, perhaps angrily, perhaps meekly, depending on the personality. If it's the former, he might snap and glare at you and snarl about it, if it's the latter, he'll just shoot you a glare to get you to be quiet.

Says, simply, he's decided that you posed... an obstacle before. An annoyance. You're not worth the trouble you caused before, and he'll make sure you don't get in his way again. He's gracious enough to not kill you, since he thinks you have some potential for a different purpose. You'll be like... a slave. Pet. Toy. Whichever word you like best. You start today and it's indefinite, so get used to it.

He says it so matter-of-factly and calmly, apathetically, that you're almost not certain you heard right, so you blink and stare and ask sorry, what? And he groans and rolls his eyes and tells you to listen because in the future he's not going to be repeating things for you, and tells you again.

You protest? Ok, maybe he'll just actually kill you, then? Sound good? No? Then why bother saying anything? You should have known that was the alternative. Of course, he wouldn't actually kill you, but, you don't exactly know that, and this guy certainly looks and sounds like he wouldn't hesitate. So... have fun.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape?

He's going to have you under constant, live surveillance every waking second of your life, so, it's not exactly easy. Given his position, he can easily persuade anyone to let him bring you with him to whatever work he has to do. He keeps you collared and tethered to the desk, most of the time. And he prefers you to be under his surveillance, but if he absolutely needs to leave he will leave you under the care of guards, and it's never a long window of time. Most of said guards value their lives and know the man well enough to know they had better keep a very good eye on you.

Your only real chance is when you get the newbie guard, the one who doesn't know better and might get distracted. If you're willing to throw said guard under the bus, you stand a slight chance of getting out into the main buildings, and even then, you have to make your way out of one of the most heavily guarded, likely walled-in buildings in Teyvat, out into the very difficult to survive wilderness. It's actually not a great idea. You'll most likely end up caught by guards even if you make it out of the initial room, and as you can imagine, your course of actions has not gone over well with your captor, who they drag you back to, likely kicking and screaming because you know you do not want to face his wrath.

It's not pretty. Escape attempts are a very high-ranking offense in his mind, and even worse, you've made a fool of yourself and reflected poorly on him. You'll most likely have a broken bone by the end of it. He doesn't really think out punishments for this very much, he just acts on angry impulse, which at the time might be snapping one or two of your fingers, or a kick to the stomach that cracks a rib. It won't be too severe of broken bones, thankfully, he won't break your legs or arms... not just yet, at least.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Ok actually... you'd be surprised that it's easier than you think. You see, you'll find that a lot of particularly cruel, mean-spirited people often don't have the best socialization skills, as people tend to fear them so much and dislike engaging with them that they don't get a lot of conversational exchanges beyond barking orders and dominating any exchanges, and consequently, as well as due to people's fear of them, have difficulty telling when someone is lying, being sarcastic, or reading subtle things like body language and facial expressions.

As a result, you can lie to him, and he's more easily fooled by acting than you'd expect, although it's still difficult, it's just no next-to-impossible. But I mean, really, the question is more... is it really worth the risk? Because you'll suffer if you get caught. Managing to trick him is kinda humiliating on his end, and he doesn't exactly take kindly to people making a fool out of him. It's an insult to his pride, so, consequences are more severe than just regular misbehavior. Basically the more an offense humiliates him or makes him insecure, the more he'll lash out at you as a result. Lying or any kind of deception is a very severe offense on his internal ranking. Basically, lying is only really worth it if you're planning an escape and are fairly confident you can pull it off.

Manipulation isn't really possible. What, you promise you'll behave better if you get this or that? And you think that'll persuade him? Hah. Don't try it. He actually gets mad if you try that sort of thing. Any exchange like that, you see, gives you a semblance of some sort of power, which is unacceptable. Why give you an inch of your way when he can just brutalize his way into getting you to do whatever he wants? That being said, he might come up with things on his own to pacify or appease you if you annoy him in general, but won't listen to your "deals" -- so really, if you want something, it's smarter to express interest in that thing at some point, then go and annoy him in general -- he's much more likely to think of that thing and get you what you want, whereas if you ask for it directly in exchange for not being such a brat, he'll say no.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

Initially not a lot, he doesn't want to waste money on anything for you, but soon realizes you can be very, very annoying while he's trying to work, and you're so bored that you're willing to take the consequences of being annoying. He hates to give in to the "if you give me stuff to do I won't bother you" thing because it feels like giving in to you, but, eventually if you pester him enough he'll cave and get your something to do from his own idea, but as aforementioned, not a direct deal made with you.

So, eventually, you'll get things to do. Books, paper and pencils, anything that works if you give him some peace and quiet.

As far as roaming, though, absolutely not. You start off not leashed to anything, but if you try some shit once, you'll have your collar leashed up and tethered. During meetings, you obviously can't leave. And any roaming, really, would be breaking the "don't leave my line of sight" rule. Really, he gets upset even if you move around the room too much, prefers you stay still.

It's a stretch to call it lenience, but you go where he goes, so you do get some outings. Even if you don't want them, because again, you go where he goes.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Rules are simple actually, because a simple rule encompasses a lot. He tells you very plainly from the start: "Don't piss me off."

Of course, poor darling has to get some elaboration on that, so he sighs and groans but clarifies and it turns out there are, in fact, many rules. Do everything you are told, do it when he says it, and don't complain. Don't avoid him. Don't speak without permission. Don't backtalk him or give him an attitude. Stay within his sight at all times. Don't speak to anyone that's not him, and don't look them in the eye. Call him "Master." "Sir" will suffice occasionally. If he calls you over, don't take you time, you should move as fast as you can. ...He keeps going on for a while. This is, obviously, a much further extent than it initially seemed, but he doesn't seem to have much leniency, so you try to listen carefully.

Most importantly. You will take everything he has to give without fighting back, and at the end, you'll thank him. While saying this rule, he actually bothers to look up from his work and look you in the eye, and you know he's very serious about it.

For simple punishments, it's not so much that he intends to do horrible things, it's more that he gets into more or less a tantrum and gets so mad he lashes out on instinct without thinking it over. Expect a lot of simple beatings -- slapped in the face, some hair pulled out, a combination of both is common, where he just grabs you by the hair and smacks you around. Shoves you to the ground, kicks you while you're down there. Spits in your face. Chokes you on the collar, chokes you with his hand until you black out. He'll wait for you to recover on that last one, after all, you have to say your "thank you" at the end.

As aforementioned, escape attempts are a high-ranking offense, but not quite worth severely broken bones to him. However, this changes if they become repetitive. This is the fourth time now, so maybe you don't need that ankle too much.

However, the actual worst offense is trying to harm him or yourself. Hurt yourself, and you'll find yourself unable to. He'll make sure you come to appreciate life with him a little more, let's see how you like constant restraint, 24/7 bound and tied to a chair or the bed. This might also get a wrist or fingers broken, to prevent you from hurting yourself.

But raise a hand against the man and you'll genuinely, truly suffer. It's a combination, you get a little bit of everything, an all in one deal -- one offense, receive every type of punishment free! But if this happens again, he decides to do something a little more... permanent.

In order to reach this point, you'd have to be particularly bad for a pretty long streak of time. Repeated escapes, repeated attacks, repeated misbehavior, and you just don't seem to learn, so, he'll just have to remind you of your place, and he feels the best way to do that is leaving a mark. Oh, and probably the most physically traumatic experience of your life, that aspect will help it sink in.

He might not be able to do all of them with a respective vision, but that doesn't mean he can't just mark you in a few of the old-fashioned ways! In fact, you get the choice. That's part of the psychological torture of it all, having to pick and choose the details of your suffering, the way your heart pounds and the way you whimper and sob and the fact that you've never seen him look quite so giddy, as if high on the very notions of your pain. There's one he can do on his own, though. Have you ever seen the scars of someone who's been struck by lightning? They're pretty. He thinks something like that would look so nice etched out on your skin. Unfortunately you'd have to be shocked a couple of times for several seconds at a time to be permanent, but he'll give you something to bite down on if you'd like.

If you don't like that, he can brand you the old-fashioned way with a fire and iron. It would take a bit longer, and he'll very intentionally drag out the process. What kind of design do you want? There's a few. Do you want it on your front or your back? Left side or right? Chest, shoulders, hips? You should be grateful, he's here giving you options and you're just sitting there blubbering? If you don't hurry up and answer, he'll just have to give you more than one.

Or if both of those options aren't good enough, there's another alternative. Carving into you like a piece of meat. It could be his name, or a design, maybe. He could write it down your thigh. Across your stomach. On your chest. Don't worry, he's cut into enough people to know how to not to go too deep, just on the surface is enough to scar.

Speaking of not going to deep, notably, he will never actually do anything that puts your life at risk, or impacts your... health? Obviously the pain and scars aren't healthy, but to elaborate, he won't starve you, and he won't choke you beyond the point of blacking out. If he does cut you, it's with you so heavily restrained you cannot move in any capacity -- no chance of you thrashing and making it go too deep, gags you so you don't accidentally bite into your tongue and bleed out. He's actually... oddly vigilant about making sure he doesn't accidentally kill you.

He also won't isolate you, well, not physically. This is more for him than you, although he won't say so, he doesn't like you being physically out of his sight or away from him. Instead, he gives you... emotional isolation, tells you not to speak to him, pretends you're not there, won't respond to you calling out to him. It's actually a bit more hurtful in a way, but you'll never get the whole "locked alone in a room for a week without contact" punishment that some yanderes pull. He's too needy for that.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

You see, it's your fault. Even if it isn't.

No, it really doesn't matter what you did or didn't do, it's still your fault that someone else shows you attention. You probably seduced them somehow, looked at them with those lustful eyes when he wasn't looking, or you held your body in a way that people would look at. So, it's ultimately your fault, and you will get punished for it, but although you are the root cause, you're not the worst offender -- the other party is still far, far worse.

Because by now anyone should know better. You'd have to be stupid or just have a death wish, because realistically everyone will look the other way if he quite literally kills a low-rank.

And to be fair, he might actually be wrong. He's actually really paranoid about this, and he takes the slightest of things and blows them out of proportion. Maybe that guy that he says looked at you the wrong way wasn't even looking at you at all. He imagines things and will definitely at some point accuse someone completely innocent of something they didn't do. Or he might be right, they did look at you, speak to you, but it was just a glance, just a simple question, but that doesn't matter. They still did it (and you, you probably encouraged it, didn't you?).

If you are the one saying it, though, complaining about sexual harassment from one of the guards or something, well, then he's more brutal, and doesn't hold anything back. He will, simply, kill them. No life-ruining, no framing for crimes, he's actually very direct and simple when it comes to rivalry because who needs indirect methods when you have enough status to just off the bastard?

Now, if it's someone from back home, a boyfriend or such that you keep whining about, because he doesn't know what happened to me! He's probably worried! Fine. He agrees to send people to inform him of what happened, he says, he promises he'll get them to tell him what happened to you, after all it's not like the guy could do anything about it. He feigns irritation at best, rolls his eyes, but inside it actually sets him off like nothing else. Eats him alive inside. He's right here and here you are droning on about some guy who doesn't matter? To his face?

Well, it's not as if he doesn't... understand why you're not exactly happy here. It's a dilemma that he has, which we'll touch on later, that he kinda does sometimes wish you were happy and did like him, but he also realizes that pretty much everything he does is counterproductive to that. Still, this is one of those times he wishes for it. Gets childishly pouty to anyone else interacting with him, in a bad mood all day because how dare you have someone else you care about. He wants you to show that kind of concern for him.

And, although it's even more counterproductive to the possibility of you ever liking him, he decides to do something very, very spiteful. He changes his mind and says actually, he'll arrange it so that you get to see the guy. Bites his tongue and twitches at how your face lights up, but then you you have the nerve to ask if he's joking. No, he says, he's serious, it'll take a while to fetch him though. It warms your heart. Maybe he has, you know, the capacity for empathy after all. When you get called over in a few days, because he says he has something for you, you think it's that, but no, it seems to be something else. You've been good, he says, so he got you something.

A gift, in a box and everything. Go on, open it. He got it just for you. It was hard to obtain, there's only one in the world. Oh, but sit down first. You might pass out from excitement.

You don't like the happy look on his face, the light-hearted tone in his voice, it's all too uncharacteristic, and you run through possibilities, none of them good. You pick it up and you're fairly certain you know, you shake a little bit and tears start to fill your eyes, and you really don't want to open the box, but at the same time, you have to know.

He's smart about it, and takes your well-being into account, because he cares, you know? That's why he got you to sit down, if you'd been standing, see, you would have passed out and fallen and maybe hurt yourself. This way you just slump over and drop the box when you black out. That was somewhat expected, most people pass out when they see the disembodied head of a loved one, and you're no exception. You got blood on the floor when you drop it, but it was worth seeing the look on your face. Alright, well, you got what you wanted, you got to see him. See? He wasn't lying, he followed through on the promise.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

Very, very easy to piss off. You often do it so unintentionally, without even knowing that the action is something that will set him off, that the reactions catch you off-guard. The actual anger varies depending on his mood that day -- some days, it's just snarling and berating, looking at you with disgust and barking at you about how stupid you are, threatening you with this or that, ultimately forcing you to apologize just to get him to leave you alone and stop being mean. He likes to feel above you, so a lot of the time he'll say something isn't worth his time getting truly angry over, and wave his hand after a few minutes and tell you to not speak to him again until he says you can. Other times, if he's in an especially bad mood, he can get kinda physically violent, throwing things, grabbing you by the hair or clothes to get in your face, pulling your hair, kneeing you in the stomach.

He can be incredibly childish and immature about offenses -- even long after the loud and explosive angry tantrum is over, he'll be passive-aggressive for a while, and is incapable of just letting it go. He brings it up over, and over, and over, like an actual child that wants to wallow in bitterness and make you feel sorry for him. This is less of an active anger, it's more pouty, but still spoken with narrowed eyes and a disgusted glare.

Also, when he's exceptionally angry, it's one of the few times he might act... not so. When he gets furious, for a few moments he'll snap into the "fake" personality we've seen in him -- smiles and laughs a bit, begins his sentence with a light hearted, saccharine tone that, by now, you know means you have severely fucked up, and you tremble and step backwards. You cower, but he grabs you by the hair, shirt, chin, anything, and his voice gets lower and lower, the smile slowly drops, until he just explodes, furiously snarling at you and pulls your hair, backhands you a few times, shoves you to the ground, before dragging you away by the hair or the shirt to go over your real punishment.

Now, there's anger, and then there's rage. He gets mad easily. He blows up, he yells, he does his little transition from smiley to mad, but if he's at the absolute upper limit of anger, he gets surprisingly... quiet. Quiet and calm. It's actually unlikely that this anger will ever be directed towards darling, as there's not really anything you can do to make him this upset. If you witness it, it's likely in the form of someone else trying to hurt you, or the aforementioned rivals. And that's an insult to him, you know? You're his property. It makes him completely blind with rage. And, the unspoken aspect of it, is that if someone is genuinely after you, the idea of you being killed or taken away terrifies him because he needs you, deep down.

This rare rage, again, (seemingly) calm and quiet, is very straightforward. The offender is staked to the ground straight through, don't worry, he can do it without hitting internal organs. And then, well, tortured to death. He's an expert in the art of pushing the limits of keeping a human being alive as long as possible. Oh, don't go anywhere. He'd like you to watch. If it's someone trying to hurt you, well, they deserve to see the reason they're dying, and if it's someone you gave your attention or affection to, he wants you to see the consequences of your choices on others, remember, it's your fault this happened, you likely enticed them. If it's that, he'll make sure you're involved. Give you choices. What would you like to see go first, a finger or the tongue?

Another little quirk is that he always has to express anger physically, even when he knows not to -- which isn't too often, but sometimes he has to accept that subordinates will be stupid and that he can't always kick them in the face for it. So when he's just in a bad mood, he gets twitchy from the need to exert physical violence. Grabs at the edge of the table with trembly hands, breaks writing utensils in half, pulls at his hair and digs his fingernails into his arms. Once you're there, though, he can take out the anger on you, unfortunately, like a living stress ball. When it's anger at other people, though, he tends to take that anger out not by hurting you, but rather, finds... other rough ways to expend some energy and exert some physical force.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

What do you think?

Yeah, there's not a whole lot to say here. He's a massive narcissist, everyone is beneath him. However... notably, although he wouldn't say it out loud, he still sees you as being above other people, even though that in and of itself is a narcissistic thought process -- you have value, because you have value to him. You are important because he has deemed you important. And other people, he has deemed unimportant, worthless. You have worth... because he's decided you do. Because he has the utmost worth, so, he's just bestowing some of his own worth on you -- it's an act of benevolence, really.

And, well, as you can imagine, this attitude is very much reflected in his behavior. And, one way or another, itwill be reflected in your behavior, too.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

You might be surprised, but he actually... does try.

For someone who essentially makes your life hell, there are times where his mind starts thinking and drifting off because of some boring meeting or the like, or he's watching you go about whatever you're doing and thinks... you know, maybe it would be nice if you actually liked him. The first few times, he quickly shoves away the thought, but it starts popping into his head every now and then. Maybe the worship would be a lot better if you had adoration in your eyes instead of fear and tears. Honestly, it's still selfishly motivated, because he just thinks of how it would benefit him if you loved him, but he starts to like the idea nonetheless. And he can think of a way to make it happen. If he becomes determined to carry this out, it would be a little while into the "relationship," maybe a year or so.

He knows it won't come naturally. You need help. So, mindbreak it is.

It's not as if you're not already well on your way to mindbreak with the general way he already is, but there are certainly some things to be done that can speed up the process. Ultimately, the key to breaking you into loving him is making you need him, to make you think he's better than others, and to balance out the cruelties. The way to do this is to make you terrified of everything else, and present himself as a protection from that.

He'll arrange for accidents to occur that he can save you from -- gets an underling to pretend to break in and abduct you or the like so he can chase them off, sets a trap that nearly hurts you only to snatch you away from it.

The second tactic is to make himself seem better than your alternatives. He'll find a way -- it goes without saying he's not the only harbinger with a toy. He exaggerates how awful the others' are -- you know, that one's little toy has no arms or legs, they ripped them off. Bet you're glad he hasn't done that to you, huh? And that one only feeds their pet once a week, you get to eat normal meals every day. He finds ways to make it believable, maybe even get the others to support his claims (they gotta help each other out, you know?). You start to feel like maybe you should be a little more grateful.

And finally, it doesn't come easy but... he decides he can maybe (maybe! Don't you go getting used to this, you know) ...be nice. A word of praise here or there. The first time you hear a word of praise, you think you've gone insane, look up at him with wide eyes, and he just what, you want me to *not* say that? and you insist no no it's fine, it's fine! And as much as you wish it didn't, it makes you feel... warm inside. Good. You feel like you want more.

At the same time, you know what that means -- it's not hard to figure out that it's intentional, really, you know that, and he knows you know. You know why he's doing this. You know what the intended outcome is, and that you're falling for it perfectly. You know that your internal response means you're beginning to slip, to lose it, but... maybe that wouldn't be so bad. To put up a fight, to resist it? What good does that do, really? Your pride is already shattered and you're just going to make yourself more miserable.

Yes, if you let it happen, maybe you will finally be at ease. Resistance just makes things worse. So maybe acceptance will make things better. Maybe if you start working for the niceness and avoiding the meanness, trying to be good, trying to earn the niceness... maybe it would make you... happy. Maybe you really can love him. So eventually... you'll let go.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

He does love you, in his own way, but it's impossible for you to understand. This is where we get into the idea of sadism as love. True sadistic love is a rare thing even in yandere, and it's difficult to describe - for him, the degree of cruelty bestowed unto you IS, in a way, his way of "love." He has no idea how to express affection any other way, but it is, genuinely, caused by affection, even though he himself doesn't quite realize it, doesn't quite understand the feeling that's making him want to hurt you. Sure, his cruelty is partially a defense mechanism, a little bit of that tsundere side, but it's also something innate, instinctive. The natural reaction to the feeling of fondness is to hurt the object of that fondness. When he becomes fond of a person, he wants to harm them. He can't say why, and he doesn't exactly care why. He thinks you look pretty when you cry. When your face twists up in pain and your lip trembles, that's your most beautiful. It makes him feel powerful. In the same way a lot of people feel powerful over making their beloved cum or feel pleasure, that's how he is with pain. Well, he likes to inflict both actually, preferably at the same time.

To truly, completely own you means to be your whole world -- responsible for every bit of pleasure, pain, happiness, misery, he wants to be the cause of all of those things. Other people hurting you and making you cry makes him just as mad as other people making you smile or feel happy. They're both the same offense -- they're both trying to take away some of that ownership, some of that power. While he might utilize others harming you to his benefit, it still makes his blood boil -- not just in a "you're hurting someone I love" way, but in a "I'm the only one supposed to hurt them" way.

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General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

It changes gradually with time. At first, surprisingly somewhat reserved, and even more easily embarrassed, gets red in the face and shifts uncomfortably over certain topics. Doesn't mean he won't fuck you, but will be kind of cold and distant about it at first, not saying much, too embarrassed to call you nasty names and say degrading things.

(Un)fortunately for you, that changes pretty quickly, as the more confident and used to you he becomes, the more he's willing to indulge in the things that sound so nice in his head. Ok, so maybe the collar is a fetish thing, which you accused him of at the very beginning but he adamantly denied. So what? You clearly get off to it, so don't go around calling him a pervert for it.

He's in this odd middle ground where once he's actually horny and initiating it, he can get gross, and is very touchy almost all the time, but if sex comes up as a conversational topic when it's not actually occurring, he gets flustered about it, especially if you're the one to bring it up. Outside of specifically you, it's an absolute no. He's the kind of person to get outwardly disgusted at the slightest mention of the most vanilla and hand-hold-y of sexual things, or even just retch when seeing people get non-sexually romantic and loving, when hearing it from other people and tell them to shut up or get out of his sight, but at the same time is having you on a collar and leash in a workplace setting and forcing everyone around him to just tolerate that. Don't question it.

That being said, the "actually horny and initiating it" part is a frequent occurrence -- for someone who seems somewhat reserved, it's still incredibly often, almost always several times a day, and that's just actual intercourse, not counting all of the little degrading acts and words throughout the day. You'll be sore for sure.

And the touchiness is honestly partially neediness. He's touch-starved. Half the time, sure it's sexual, but it's also... nice. You're warm. Feeling your skin is comforting. He won't say that it's partially non-sexual, but sometimes will, without even consciously realize it, rest his head on your shoulder when you're sitting in his lap or the like.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

It's better without, actually.

Of course, over time you'll learn better -- you'll learn you were just being stubborn at the time, that you should have been grateful, that it was what you wanted deep down -- but at the time, your fear is cute too.

That being said, once you reach the mindbroken state -- once you're enthusiastic, love in your eyes, bouncing up and down on his cock and thanking him for every second of it -- he has to admit that's pretty nice, too. He can enjoy it either way in the end -- whether you have that adoration and willingness, or if you don't.

The only thing he won't tolerate is if you pull the silent treatment -- trying to stay silent and now show anything on your face in an attempt to not give him the satisfaction of your reactions. Which is easily fixable. It's really not a good idea for you, because it will just make him worse in order to finally draw out some sounds.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

Orgasm denial/control/ruining

It's humiliating and funny at the same time, nice. But seriously, he likes to make you beg. It's nice to see you accept your place and do what you're supposed to, to openly acknowledge how little control you have.

And denial is great too, especially combined with edging. After a few days of the torture of not getting to cum, you'll finally be willing to throw your pride away and truly, truly beg, offering to do anything, and words spilling out of your mouth unprompted that you think he'd like to hear, and that's the best part, seeing the filthy things your mind can come up with to appease him enough to let you cum -- and they will be brought up later. Hey, remember when you said you would do this or that when you were begging to cum? About time to follow through right?

But if you haven't been so great, there's one thing better. Getting your hopes up and just barely letting you reach the high before pulling away completely. Your little eyes widen and you spasm and you rock your body in a desperate attempt for friction and sensation, but you're held down as the orgasm dies before ever reaching a peak. Sometimes you get so miserable about it you cry, which isn't great as it just fuels the desire to ruin it again.

And if you're so desperate to get off at any time, once you've been edged a few days, you can earn permission to either ride his thigh or get on the floor and rut into his leg until you cum. No using your hands. If you can't get off to humping like that, you don't get off. And be sure to thank him for the graciousness of allowing you to do so.

Public Humiliation

Once he gets more confident, he tells you you're going to start coming to meetings with him. He hates leaving you alone with guards he doesn't fully trust, so you'll just go too. At first you're ecstatic. This means you can finally get out of the lingerie and into real clothes, right?

And then you see the look on his face and realize what's actually happening, and it makes your blood run cold. You can fight it, but in the end you're going to be dragged by a leash in front of a room full of people on your hands and knees. If you've been relatively bad, you'll just sit at his feet, but if you're good, you get to sit up on his lap, nice and pretty so that everyone can see. He's just too possessive enough that you won't go naked, but the clothing of choice will certainly not be something you would ever, ever want to be seen in.

Oh, they give out water at these meetings. He grabs your chin and tells you he'll let you have some if you open your mouth, and you're thirsty so you do -- so he takes a swig of it and spits it into your mouth. And if you want any more, you'll have to take it the same way.

People are watching -- and you know people are watching. He's still slightly too awkward to want to be the center of attention (let's be real, there's probably fucked up things going on all over these meetings, others probably bring theirs too), but people cast glances, people smirk and chuckle at your humiliation and misery. And people envy him. You're so cute. He knows that, and he loves the power rush that comes with that knowledge. And you? Well, you don't want to throw a fit or cry in front of people -- not only would it be humiliating, but you fear the consequences, so you sit and squirm and whimper.

He's not one to start talking to others so much, though. Some yans into publicly humiliating you will make a spectacle of it, talking to the others and verbally, loudly showing you off, jeering at you and talking about you like you can't understand them (example being a certain hydro likely in the same room), but, well, honestly he just doesn't like the others well enough to speak with them unless necessary to begin with, so he actually just kind of glares and snarls at anyone that tries to interact. Again, not the center of attention, he prefers to remain a little more in the background, talking to you, soaking up your misery and beaming with pride over the glances people cast.

D/S dynamic - master/slave + petplay + humiliation + worship

If we're being honest it's more of a "this is your life now" than a dynamic. It's not that you pretend to be or act as a slave, you are one. And it's better if you accept that, really. No matter what, you say thank you after everything you get, be it rewards, punishment, anything really. And he likes to go out of his way to test the limits of that. See how far he can break down your pride before you refuse to give your proper thanks, so that he knows the limit of where he needs to start breaking you down more.

And it's whenever, wherever -- you're free use, basically, but also just tests your obedience and submission by random acts of sadism. Calls you over and tells you to get on your hands and knees so he can use you as a footrest, and you'll stay that way for a while. Grabs your jaw and tells you to open your mouth at complete random to spit in your mouth and tells you to swallow. After you grind on his leg until you cum as aforementioned, you got gross slick all over his shoes and the floor, so lick it up. Smiles at you and tells you hey, come here a sec and gives you a good backhand across the face. And what do you say? You know the answer - thank you Master. Is any of it necessary? No. But he enjoys it. It reminds you of your place, and your thanks is a measure to prove your loyalty. And he's not heartless, he'll tell you you're good for it. You start to look forward to that.

But the leash is another thing -- it ties onto your collar and he uses it to make sure you can't go too far. More importantly, uses it to pull you around and tells you good pets don't walk on two legs, they walk on four -- so you'll do the same and crawl on your hands and knees whenever he feels like it.

But worship is the best thing, really. As much as he likes doing things to you, you should be eager to show your love and gratefulness, too, which in his mind comes mostly in the form of riding him until your legs give out and deepthroating cock until you nearly black out. It would be much appreciated.

Anal sex + throatfucking

If we're being honest, it's just cute to watch you squeal and squirm. You whimper because it hurts, it feels weird in a way you're not used to, and when he cums inside your poor ass you can physically feel it and it feels so, so gross, leaking out and running down your legs. But it's better if it's by surprise, switching holes when you're not expecting it and listening to you squeak and jolt and try to pull yourself off, to listen to you beg and plead. It's adorable, really. And it makes for a good punishment that will definitely get you to behave if getting your poor ass stretched out is the threat you're dealing with. It's all cute, how you can't stand up to walk after, how you twitch and cry, and it's better if you can cum while he's fucking you because then that means you clearly enjoy it.

And your throat, too, watching your eyes tear up and feeling your throat instinctively spasm as your gag reflex kicks in. It goes pretty far down your throat, you definitely can't breathe, so you grab at his thighs and desperately try to pull off, but to no avail. And he likes making threats out of that too - when he cums down your throat, if you spill so much as a single drop of it, you won't be able to sit right for a week.

It's also nice to combine the two -- telling you so make sure you suck good and get it coated in your spit, because it's the only lube you're going to get. You have the most adorable reaction, eyes widening with fear and immediately getting to work on making sure you follow through.

Cockwarming

Eventually, as he gets more used to your presence in his workspace, and you've proven you know how to sit still without being an obnoxious nuisance, he'll decide you can help him alleviate boredom on days where there's not much to be done other than papers and the occasional subordinate coming in to be spoken to. Good thing the desk you sit at has a front to it. You're either down on your knees with cock in your mouth, or more often just sitting on his lap. The thing is that if it's that, you're dealing with cock inside you the entire time. Don't think about squirming around, it earns you a slap to the thigh and being told to stop moving so much. Are you really such an insatiable slut that you can't hold still just because you're that desperate to get off? Maybe if there's no one around you can get railed into the desk, but that doesn't mean you get to take it out -- you'll go right back so sitting the way you were before.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

Eh, he kinda goes both ways, back and forth. The issue is that the side that thinks he might want a kid is entirely delusional, he has absolutely no idea how difficult or involved having a kid actually is, he just thinks of some... creature he thinks he can copy+paste his ideals and values and worldview onto, like a protege, an heir. Another thing is he somehow does not realize why combining himself and a child with a copy+paste personality is a recipe for disaster. Honestly, he would NOT be a good father, you would be doing 99.99% of the work while he just occasionally trains them and other stuff that he actually likes doing... the rest would be your job. So, realistically, you should hope and pray he doesn't decide he wants one.

Which is unlikely, because he also realizes that kids are a distraction, time consumption, they take up your time and attention and energy. Your time and attention and energy are essentially his property, because you are, so why would he willingly give that up? No, he's not about to watch you tire yourself out over some stupid kid and have none for him, you'd probably use tiredness as an excuse to not fuck or something, can't have that. It's... not like he likes your attention or anything... it's just that he deserves all of it and no one else does.

That being said, he is a key member of the "what the fuck is protection" club, so, it might happen anyway.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

A better question would be what kind does he NOT use. The full spectrum of ideas is there, he mockingly kinda takes pride in the creativity. He prefers some to others, though. Less frequent ones include overstimulation and sexualization of electro torture -- light shocks to the most sensitive parts of your body, it's more fun the second time and onwards, because you tremble in fearful anticipation, desperately try to squirm away.

More frequently is just, well, the classic way, beating your ass. It's easy, quick, humiliating, and it proves a point. Spankings are incredibly common for the slightest of offenses, beating you red and raw for a defiant look or a word out of place. If you whine that it's unfair because what you did wasn't that bad, well, that just adds on more. He's the type to keep something laying around, invest in a rubber paddle or a leather strap and keep it somewhere visible, somewhere you can see it, as just a constant reminder, a threat looming over your head.

And as aforementioned, another frequent one is the threat of fucking your throat or ass or both. It leaves you sore for a long time, the taste of cum down your throat, the feeling of cum leaking out of your holes, not to mention the discomfort of the sensations themselves, potentially pain, if done roughly -- and you do not want him to be rough about it, so, be on your best behavior.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Tits, but more specifically nipples. They're so sensitive. If he touches or sucks on them you squirm and moan, but if he pinches and pulls them or bites down on them hard enough, it makes you jolt and squeal, and that's a very nice reaction, really.

Also, nipple clamps. He makes heavy use of them and will also tug on it pretty harshly to get your attention.

===========================

#atml #yandere genshin impact

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thehomothings · 4 years ago

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Analysis of Kite's conflicting moralities, relationship with death, and the toll reincarnation may take on one's psyche

So, today I decided to compile all the thoughts I have had about Kite's interesting worldview since the first time I saw him into one post, mostly for my own sake, really. If you're familiar with the few posts I've made, you know it's gonna be a mess, but hopefully a comprehensible mess.

A heads up, this is going to be spoiler-heavy, and very much deal with subjects of death and dying as a whole. Also, some of these conclusions are drawn from my own experiences and close brushes with death, I'm not going to go into much detail but it might get personal and definitely dark. I'm not even sure if I can call this a meta-analysis, and I'm obviously no expert, so mayhaps take all of this with a grain of salt.

Been getting into drawing lately, and during the more simple and mindless part of the painstaking process of dotting every single star in this, I let my thoughts wander through the latest part of the fic I'm writing, and I got a better grasp on what exactly made Kite such an elusive character to me.

I'm not quite sure why I got so attached to Kite. Perhaps it was the air of tragedy surrounding him, how despite his sordid past he remained still open and gentle even if outlined by a healthy dose of cynicism.

But sometimes, I think it's the fact that he is so paradoxical. He's brave, yet fears death to such a degree that creates a whole Nen ability around it, is a pacifist yet will not hesitate to spill blood for his own sake or someone else's. Despite the many ultimatums and warnings of 'I will not protect you', he gave his arm and then his life to save Gon and Killua. He approaches each hunt and battle with a clear plan of action in mind, but his Hatsu takes the form of a roulette that gives him random weapons which are never what he wants, but what he seems to need for that exact situation, which he cannot dispel without using. When he draws a weapon, the decision is locked in and his or his opponent's fate is sealed. That's why each time he dubbs his weapon a bad roll. Every time he has to gamble, he sees himself as having run out of luck. When it comes to having to choose between himself and somebody else...well, there had never been a choice. In fact his aversion to using it may feed into its sheer power that we, unfortunately, saw too little of.

Let's go over his very first appearance when he saves Gon from the mother Foxbear.

It's not hard to see the strain searching for Ging has put on him; he's rash, prone to anger and punching a child for daring to get into trouble. In his mind, he's failing at his most important task, has not yet earned the right to call himself a hunter despite being in possession of his very own hunter license.

After killing the mother Foxbear and raging about having done so, he says this interesting line:

So yes, he finds killing for any reason rather irksome as most would do, yet I think something deeper caused him to absolutely lose it in this scene:

He had not been aware of Gon's identity, and despite being an animal lover and a naturalist, he made a choice to save the human instead of allowing nature to run its course. In fact, he says: 'No beast that harms a human must be allowed to live.'

How does one weight one life against another? How is the worth of it determined? The value of life... an impossible choice he's faced with and a choice which he seems to regret to some degree.

The Foxbear cub.

Here, he's speaking from experience, a tangible loss he has felt himself, and a hard and bitter life he does not want to impose on the cub.

His backstory is exclusive to the 2011 anime adaptation but there are hints alluding to it in the manga, for example, the fact that he does not seem to know his birthplace, or:

The choice of words is chilling.

Reading between the lines, one could draw the conclusion that he is an orphan. Something supporting this hypothesis is how he visibly deflates after Gon tells him his parents have (presumably) died.

So we see he is willing to go against his own moral code of not killing as to not doom another living being to the life he led, a lonely, hopeless existence that could barely be called one. He saw it best to put down the cub rather than leave it to die a painful, slow death.

The reason Kite himself isn't as cynical and cold-hearted as one would be after witnessing cruelty in its rawest form is those small crumbs of human kindness which he may have found in Ging.

It was not only a chance at an honorable life being Ging's apprentice gave him, but it also 'saved' him from being broken and twisted into what he hated and worst of all, death.

If we take that one minute of backstory as canon to his character-which I find myself inclined to do- these quirks of his make much more sense. He lived on the run. He lived on the knife's edge between giving up or pushing forwards. He lived as so a wrong move could be the difference between survival and the end.

Between rock and a hard place creates a mentality of black and white, absolute good or extreme evil, this or that. Except in reality, it's much harder than that. Deciding who to save and who to strike down is a heavy burden to bear.

It's almost easy to see how struggling to keep surviving could lend itself to a crippling fear of death and subsequently developing a Nen ability which once more goes against his own moral code in order to give himself a second chance...yet something about it strikes me as unlikely when I look at it this way.

Living life knowing it could end at any moment has the opposite effect, at least for me it did. One comes to accept that it is fleeting and while not eager to let it go, when death eventually and inevitably does come, there is no fighting it.

Especially when there is no hope that tomorrow will be a better day than this one.

Frequent near-death experiences numb one's fear in a way, even if it drives them to take precautions that render it unlikely to happen again and results in c-PTSD, but still, it does. It sparks a certain nihilistic view of 'if it all can end so easily, then what's the point of it all?'

Unless there are things to live for, a sure promise of a better future, and Ging gave Kite that. When he faced the threat of losing his second chance at life:

Really, what else could lead someone to develop the ability of 'the hell I'm going to die like this'?

I think a separate event, an even more brutal near-death experience that almost cost him his life as the hunter he so strived to be set him off to develop the secret roll of Crazy Slots, what I call Roll No.0, Ars moriendi. Unlike other weapons, it cannot come up in random and is directly summoned by him, or better said, summon by his overwhelming will to keep going and hopelessness of fighting a losing battle. I don't believe roll No.3 was the weapon that allowed him to reincarnate. I've named that one Wand of Fortune, a sort of armor instead of an offensive weapon since I find it hard to believe Kite, a Conjurer, would not focus on defences as well, and I will go into both mechanisms of these weapons hopefully in his backstory.

Despite knowing this battle to be a pointless one and being acutely aware of his soon to be demise, he did not immediately draw Ars moriendi, no, he stayed back and fought for the sake of the boys, kept Neferpitou occupied until they could reach safety. We can see evidence of this in the aftermath of the battle that seemed to have gone on until dawn, a torn apart landscape only signaling a fraction of the devastation that was Kite's power unleashed. It still wasn't enough.

In the anime sub I watched, when Gon apologizes to Ging about Kite's death, Ging said a sentence that infuriated me, because it belittled the utter suffering of the NGL trio.

"He would not die in your place." (No screenshot, sorry)

And I remember practically shouting at the screen, screaming 'how could you possibly say that? Of course he did. He absolutely did die in their place. How could you not know your own apprentice? Why-'

It was only last night that it hit me why Ging would say that.

Once upon a time, maybe Kite would not have given his life for anybody under any circumstances, even if he had a way out of it all. He would still need to die to come back to life.

His Thanatophobia could be attributed to the (possibly untreated) PTSD of the near-death experience in his later life, being so certain of dying that finding himself alive afterwards drove him to never want to go through that again. He quieted his fear by creating a sort of a loophole, that even if he lost the battle he would remain. Ging remembered that, but as evidence shows, something changed. Maybe he healed a bit, perhaps growing up dulled his fear to a certain degree, but eventually when it came down to his life or another's, he didn't choose himself.

Now, I can hear you saying 'but he didn't die, so what are you going on about??' And so I reply: Yes, he is alive, but he did die. He experienced that painful, horrible moment of staring death in the eyes and thinking 'This is it, this is the end', went through the actual process of having his soul removed from his body. And that moment stretches into infinity, ten lifetimes condensed into the mere seconds before oblivion.

Dying isn't so hard if one stays dead.

It's not so easy to open one's eyes and find oneself alive again after that, no matter how much that is the heart's desire. It's difficult, nigh-impossible to reconcile with life and walk amongst the living when everything had been so final, when death had been accepted to its fullest.

So Kite awakens, the twin of Meruem and back from the dead, his mind and identity both intact and fractured. In that he is Kite is no mistaking, yet he is not the same gentle pacifist whose first reaction upon sensing a monster's aura was to shield two kids from it at the cost of his arm.

I don't think many of you are familiar with Zoroastrian ideology, but Togashi is known for loving his religious imagery, and it's not only Christianism he derives inspiration from (evidence of which can be seen all over Kite's character and resurrection).

In Zurvanism-a branch of Zoroastrianism- there is talk of the twin spirits: Ahura Mazda -epitome of all that is good- and Ahriman -epitome of all that is evil-, the parent god Zurvin decides that the firstborn may rule in order to bring "heaven, hell, and everything in between."

Upon becoming aware of this fact, Ahriman forcibly tears through the womb to emerge first. Sounding familiar yet?

Zurvan relents to this turn of events only on one condition: Ahriman is given kingship for 9000 years, and then Ahura Mazda may rule for eternity.

Meruem ruled for 40 days, his death leaving the throne vacant for ant Kite, wearing a dead girl's face and seeming to be brewing some nefarious plan. No more is there any sign of that unrelenting pacifism and the sanctity of life he held so high, losing his own may have only served to show him how meaningless the pain and suffering he went through had been, dying only to be reborn as a member of the species that killed him. It may be that he has no desire to rule over the remaining Chimera ants or create an army of his own-

Yet I dread to think what a broken mind possessing limitless power might do to the world.

And that's it. If you made it this far, thank you for reading! If you found it interesting, stay tuned, as I think a lot and I will make it your problem.

#Cw: talks of death and PTSD #When I say I unknowingly projected onto him #I can't tell if writing this was cathartic or torturous #and I gave myself heart palpitations so this is enough for today #And yes I refer to ant Kite by he/him pronouns because misgendering him on the account of his body being afab is just ignorant #even if I think skrunkly's genderqueer af and actually wouldn't mind she/her #still i wanna push the trans ant kite agenda #So yes this is how I unknowingly picked up Kite as a coping mechanism even if out attitudes towards death are practically opposites #don't mind your grandpa trauma dumping #What I'm saying is get ant Kite therapy before he sinks the world #I love reimagining Kite as a villain and I don't know why #Kite hxh #hxh kite #kite hunter x hunter #kaito hxh #hxh #hunter x hunter #meta analysis #theories #fic rambles #Icarus waffles #Kitkat #gon freccs #Ging freecss

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