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thefaithfulnightwriter · 6 months ago

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Dracontine - Chapter two

[^ the gif above i found on Pinterest so rights go to rightful owner ^]

❝ She is very rare. She is what you call a Dracontine. Meaning she belongs to a dragon. But in her case, she does not belong to one but three. ❞

Summary - In which a young female hides who she truly is from everyone and stays to herself. Keeping to her chores as a servant. Staying hidden was her main task while taking care of her three dragon eggs that were bound to her. But many things change when she has to stay Under the Mountain with many others. What she didn't expect was that she would meet her mate. Who happened to be the powerful High Lord of Night Court. Then soon later on she would find she has another powerful mate. The Spymaster of Night Court who was a Shadowsinger. She soon finds herself having to break out of her shell with the help of her mates and their family. Along with finding out how to navigate two bonds with two powerful mates. Also, while taking the title as Dracontine. Being she is the one who belongs to not one but three dragons. All while trying to survive a war.

Pairing - Rhysand x Female!Oc/Mc/Reader x Azriel

Universe - pre acotar - acowar [it may go into an au after acowar not sure yet though]

Series Warnings - DRAGONS (yes that is a warning lol), Gore, Death, Characters may be a bit OOC, Mature Themes, Semi Smut, Violence, Language, Mention of Past Abuse, War, Things Will Be Changed, Fluff, Angst, Some Sensitive Subjects, Mating Bonds, Poly. Relationship MxFxM (Side Note - Rhysand & Azriel are in a relationship or are mates to my Mc they will not be together), More Will Be Added If Needed. (Please do not read if these are triggers)

Disclaimer - I do not own the series ACOTAR - ACOWAR. I do own certain characters, and I own my mc. I do own somethings that are made up. And i own my writing and whatnot you get where im going and what i am saying lol.

Authors Note - hi hi! so what are your thoughts so far with the characters and what not i am curious lol. let me know what you think. oh and remember for the taglist i am only taking ten people so there is now only five spots left. I'd thought i'd let you know here. so yeah lol have a good day or night peeps lol bybbyye!

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

Many years have passed, and Anna was still the servant to the Lady of Autumn Court. But things have changed. Many years later there was a feast or celebration of sorts. A Masquerade party that all the Courts and their High Lords were invited to. It was taking place Under the Mountain. When Anna heard of it she had a bad feeling about it. But knew she had to go. She had to go to the one place that her grandfather told her about all these years. Telling her that she had to go. The one place that will change her and then things will start to fall into place for her.

Anna didn't know what to do. But she was quick to tell her family about her worries and fears. The ones to sit her down and really talk it out with her were her grandmother, mother, and older brothers. All three were quick to help her through her feelings and reassure her. All knowing about her dreams of Cade and Crimson. They also knew about her being the next Dracontine. They were all shocked, ecstatic, and proud of her when she told them. But they were quick to tell everyone in their family. But kept it a close family secret. After that the family made sure to keep in contact with Anna. They also gave Anna lessons on dragons and told her many stories. Anna would listen to all that was said, committing the facts and stories to memory. As much as she could. She was very close to her family. So that was another reason why she was hesitant to go to the celebration Under the Mountain. She didn't want to leave her family behind. Knowing that things will drastically change in her life when she goes Under the Mountain.

But after some time debating if she should go, and with encouragement from her family. Anna soon went for her Lady, for her grandfather, for her family, and for the Mother. But the bad feeling never left her. It was as if there was something lurking over her shoulder warning her. There was an uneasy feeling in her chest. Like her instincts and something within her were telling her things were going to change. Which Anna didn't like. She knew that she was warned many times before by her great grandfather Cade that things will change when she arrives at Under the Mountain. But that didn't mean she liked change. Also she knew it wasn't a small change it was a tremendous change. Which didn't help Anna with her fears and worries.

When Anna saw the host of the celebration she nearly ran. The female Amarantha made her feel like she was standing near death. The aura that flowed around her made Anna fearful and made her want to flee. But Anna knew she couldn't. So she stayed at her Lady's side. She soon realized she was right to have a bad feeling about Amarantha. Because soon she had deceived all the High Lords and took all of their powers. Forcing them all into submission.

Soon after Amarantha ordered all the inhabitants to live Under the Mountain. Which meant Anna was stuck Under the Mountain with many others. Not having contact with her family. Which made Anna grow with sadness in her heart. The only things she had now were her three dragon eggs, and also her Lady. Who was the only one she talked to freely in privacy. Her Lady was the only one she was comfortable talking to.

But over the years Anna found herself becoming more quiet and more kept to herself. Which many didn't notice or just didn't care. Anna never was good at making friends or good at talking to others. Many saw her as weird because she carried her bag around with her. Also because she didn't initiate any conversation. And when someone would try to talk to her Anna would give one worded answers or stutter out a response.

Rumors later on started to go around about Anna. Which she tried to stop with the help of her Lady. But it was no use the rumors just kept circling around the servants of Autumn Court. Some nights it would bring her to tears and other times she would just try to ignore them. But it was hard on Anna. One thing she found out was the thing that many were wanting to know was what she had in her bag. This led her to do the only thing she could do. Which was to keep to herself and keep her head down. And though it pained her she started to leave her bag with her three dragon eggs in her room. Trying not to bring attention to it anymore. But it seemed to do the opposite of what she wanted. It made others more interested than ever.

What Anna didn't know was while this was happening over time it seemed she had caught someone's attention. Someone who would see her around on more than one occasion. With her head down and always quiet. But the first time that this someone saw her they knew then and there that they were connected. There was a tug in their chest and a longing for her. There was the want to be around Anna, and their instincts were screaming at them to protect her. They knew instantly what this meant and tried to stay away from Anna. But they couldn't find it in them to do such a thing. So they would keep to the darkness and watch over her from afar. Hoping that Anna would never notice the connection they had. Hoping she would stay oblivious to the connection or more specifically the mate bond they had linking them together.

The one who was keeping watch over Anna. The one who noticed the mate bond between them. The one who was Anna's mate was none other than Rhysand the High Lord of Night Court. He was doing all he could to keep Anna unaware of the bond. Trying to keep a tight rein on his emotions, making sure she never saw him, and making sure that his end of the bond was blocked with many walls. So nothing could escape, and so nothing could leak through the golden bond that tethered them together. But it seemed soon it was all going to change, and it was going to change tonight as he walked down the halls stuck in his head.

Anna though at the moment was walking down the hall to her room. After doing all her tasks for her Lady for the day. She was almost to her room which was in a secluded area away from everyone. Anna had gotten it because of her Lady. Who knew Anna liked her privacy, but also wanted to keep Anna away from all the rumors. Which Anna was grateful for. But looking around making sure no one was there Anna giggled and started to skip her way to her room with a smile. She was happy to be going back to her room. To get away from everyone. Also so she can examine her dragon eggs and warm them with her magic.

Anna was almost to her door when she stopped abruptly. She was then looking at the lock to her door, it was damaged and the door was cracked open. Looking she saw a light stream through the crack of her door. Then there were whispers that she could hear mumbling about a bag. This caused Anna to gasp knowing what was happening. She was quick to slam the door open, scaring the three fae in her room.

"What the fuck are you doing in my room? And what the fuck are you doing with my bag?!" Anna questioned as she exclaimed at the three fae in her room. Two male and one female who were from the Autumn Court. They seemed to have gone through all her things. All her things being disarray. Her clothes everywhere, her books thrown all over, along with her many drawings.

Just to find her bag that held her three dragon eggs was now in the female's hands. The bag she kept under her bed behind some of her other belongings. The female and one of the male's seemed to be trying to tear open the bag. They were both holding the bag and pulling . But it wouldn't budge being it was spelled the only Anna could only open it. As she came into her room they stopped. The one male who was standing off to the side was quick to run to Anna grabbing her and getting a hold of her. Knowing there would be bruises at how hard he was holding her. But Anna was quick to act, stomping on his foot hard. She then tried to run to get her bag. As a yelp was heard from him letting his grip loose. Which led the other male to step forward and slap Anna hard across the face. This led Anna to yelp in pain and fall to the floor.

When suddenly she was being pulled up harshly from the ground and held by both males. Anna tried her hardest to get out of their grasp but it was no use. She would have used her magic but knew she couldn't. She had to keep them hidden. She had to seem weak. She couldn't let know of her power. No one could know she was a Dracontine and no one could know of her three dragon eggs.. But as she was struggling her hair fell revealing her longer pointed ears. Which both males noticed. Which led one to ask about them.

"What is wrong with your ears? You freak," one of the males questioned. Hearing such a thing stung her heart. But she stayed strong as she tried to get out of their grasp. Wanting to get to her bag. She wanted it so bad. She wanted her dragon eggs right now. So she could keep them safe.

"I want to know what is in this bag. Just like others do. We're just the only ones brave enough to do this. I'm going to say this once if you don't stop you'll regret it. You're going to open this bag or I'm going to - ," the female began to threaten Anna. As she held the bag over her shoulder seeming about to throw it on the ground. A sob escaped Anna's lips at the motion. But before the female could say anything else a deep smooth velvety voice filled the room.

The owner of such a voice was Rhysand. Who was now leaning against the doorframe with his hands deep in his pockets. With a scowl upon his face. As he looked at the two males holding Anna. It took everything in himself not to hurt them for touching his mate in such a way, and by the looks of it they had hurt her.

He was already in a foul mood after being forced to spend time with Amarantha. Which was very unpleasant for him. He was walking when he felt an intense fear that wasn't his own. It was so intense that he instantly knew who it was from. It seemed that she was feeling such intense fear that it had leaked over through the bond. He then was quickly making his way to Anna following their bond to her. That was how he found the scene in front of him. Her being held by two males and a female holding what looked like a bag that belonged to Anna.

"What is going on here?" Rhysand questioned making the four jump in a fright. All four were soon looking at him instantly. All with fear. Which made Rhysand's heartbreak seeing his mate look at him in such a way. But that look of fear soon shifted to something else. Anna was filled with fear when she saw the High Lord of Night Court in her room at first. She knew it was him from his looks and from his aura. Having heard some things about him from overhearing other servants gossiping. But as she looked into his unique violet eyes that were looking at her.

Her dark brown eyes clashed with his violet eyes.

She felt it then and there. She felt the snap in her chest. The golden tether that began to form between them sparking to life. It took everything in her not to gasp. But she looked at him with wide eyes. Which led Rhysand to sigh knowing she knew. He was quick to softly run his talon softly against her mind, and Anna let him in. She then heard him tell her not to make it known they were mates. Which led Anna to nod discreetly as she tried to keep away the tears. Because it seemed that she found her mate. But he didn't want it to be known, and it seemed that he wanted nothing to do with her. But her mind soon shifted when she heard the female stutter.

"High Lord w - we," the female stuttered out having trouble getting out her words. She was fearful of the High Lord of Night Court. Having heard many rumors about him along with the others. Hearing her caused Rhysand to roll his eyes in frustration.

"We what? Spit it out. What are you doing?" Rhysand asked, as he looked at the three males and females. With his dark ebony brows raised in question. He wanted answers and he wanted them now. He wanted to know why and what they were trying to achieve in doing to his mate. He was soon crossing his strong arms over his chest.

"W - we j - just want to k - know what is in the bag," one of the males answered Rhysand stumbling over his words, as he shook with fear. Hearing him caused Rhysand's jaw to clench. As he looked over to the males who still had their hands on Anna. But hearing what this was all about caused him to sigh. As he reached up and ran his hand over his face.

"Really? I believe this is all uncalled for. Over. A. Bag. Give it to me now. The bag is now mine. Over a fucking bag, " Rhysand growled with anger. But soon stopped when he heard his mate. Who had tears running down her chubby cheeks. As she kept looking from him to the bag. She didn't know what to do at the moment. She was lost. She needed her dragon eggs. But she also just found her mate. Who seemed to not want anything to do with her. But she couldn't help the words that escaped her lips. Which led Rhysand to understand whatever was in the bag was very important to her.

"P - please -," Anna whispered softly. As she looked from her bag to Rhysand. Not knowing where to keep her eyes. All she knew was that she needed her bag. But she soon stopped when she was cut off by Rhysand raising his hand for her to stop speaking. Making a soft sob escaped her lips when she saw the female hand her bag to the High Lord. Who happened to be her mate. All she could do was cry and let her head fall in defeat.

"You two unhand her now. You three fix this door. Then clean this room completely and leave. You come with me now," Rhysand ordered the three fae, As he gestured around the room then to the door. He then gestured to Anna to follow him as he walked out of the room. Her bag in hand. Anna kept her head down following him. But kept her eyes on him and her bag. Her eyes shifted from his strong back. Then to her bag that was hanging at his side in his hand.

Anna didn't know what was going to happen, and she didn't know how to feel about the new discovery. The finding of her mate. When suddenly a thought came to her mind. He knew. He had to have known about the bond. How else would he have found her? He must have felt her feelings and followed the bond. This led more tears to fall from her eyes. Knowing that he must have really not want her to be his mate. Maybe he didn't want a servant for a mate. Or maybe he had someone else or maybe many others. He was very handsome and he could get anyone he wanted. So why would he want her. Yes, she was the next Dracontine but other than that she was nothing special. It took all of her might not to let out a sob right then and there. But she wanted to stay strong and she would until she was alone. Then she would allow herself to cry over the rejection that seemed to be coming.

As she shuffled on her feet quickly following after him with his long strides. She just couldn't believe that her mate was Rhysand the High Lord of Night Court. Who now had her three dragon eggs in his hand. He then stopped and stood. Which led Anna to stop in her steps. Not looking up, she stood there. Rhysand looked down at her and sighed. Before gently placing a hand on her shoulder and winnowing them away. She didn't know where they were going but all she could do was sigh in defeat. Knowing that Rhysand her mate was most likely going to reject her as his mate.

───── Dracontine tag-list ─────

blackgirlmagicforever

krowiathemythologynerd

serxndipity-ipity-blog

hjgdhghoe

cleverzonkwombatsludge

#acotar x reader #acotar fanfiction #rhysand x you #rhys x reader #azriel reader #rhysand x reader #azriel x reader #azriel reader series #azriel x you #acotar x oc #rhysand x oc #rhysand reader #rhys acotar #azriel x oc

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hergrandplan · 6 months ago

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For the WIP game - in keeping with today's Simon's month theme, please tell us about "First labour day together"!

- dreamyelectronicmusic

slkgjsg it's so funny you asked that bc i did debate posting a snippet of this one today but decided against it for one of two reasons:

a) it's no longer a labor day fic

b) i posted so many snippets already

but basically this fic was born out of a convo between me and @bigalockwood about how fucking turned on Simon would be after seeing Wille at a labor day protest post-abdication. like... that's his man! using his voice!! and how Simon would be unable to keep it in his pants and um yea. Only it changed from labor day to a climate change protest also so I can have a few puns in there about Wille being hot (that i still need to write in lol, and I may only have just decided on the puns but the fic is kind of humorous so yeah)(it's also very nsfw because that's literally how it started, Simon not being able to keep it in his pants and spoiler alert; he doesn't)

It's still called the labor day fic bc i dont change doc titles but until il come up with a proper title, which I should do soon, probably, it's "protest fic"

Ask me about my WIPs!

#if anyone has any ideas for a title please let me know im STRUGGLING #thank you for asking <3 #dreamyelectronicmusic #nina answers

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raccoonfallsharder · 10 months ago

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april aspirations

tuesday, april 2: ꧁･:☁︎⋆. cicatrix .⋆☁︎ :･꧂chapter five. o'erpine.❤︎

thursday, april 4: doodle queue reopens!

monday, april 8: ･:*𑁍✧˚₊ overheard on the bowie [oneshot preview] ❤︎❤︎

thursday, april 11: ꧁･:☁︎⋆. cicatrix .⋆☁︎ :･꧂chapter six. lockheartedness. ✩

sunday, april 14: rocket raccoon prompt week ✷.⁺⋆˚₊ (nothing new)✮✩ ✷ crossposting to ao3 begins ✷ tumblr masterlist posted wednesday, april 17

monday, april 22: ꧁･:☁︎⋆. cicatrix .⋆☁︎ :･꧂chapter seven. starlorn. ✩

saturday, april 27: florescence❀ Year Three. Flowering. ✩

fluff. smut-free, can usually be read platonically or romantically ✮ spice. explicit lines or references ✩ smut. abbreviated explicit sequences ❤︎ smut. detailed/prolonged or numerous abbreviated explicit sequences ❤︎❤︎

i don't usually highlight previews like i am with ･:*𑁍✧˚₊ overheard on the bowie but i am like...so giddy about this one. it's so smutty but i think it's also going to be... so much fun lol (for me anyway)

also i'll be crossposting the rocket prompt week stuff to ao3 (nothing new for you delightful folks but there are a few people over there who don't tumblr and have asked what they're missing out on over here. i'm debating posting some of the better headcanons too. just trying to figure out if it should be as a collection of individual pieces or an anthology work.) mostly i wanted to give you a heads up so you wouldn’t see an update and get excited when it’s something you’ve already read.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆ other things i'm working on ⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆ for may and beyond...

꧁･:☁︎⋆. cicatrix .⋆☁︎ :･꧂chapter seven. starlorn. ✩

florescence❀, chapter five year four: formation. ❤︎❤︎

꧁･:☁︎⋆. cicatrix .⋆☁︎ :･꧂chapter eight. starlorn.❤︎

⭑˚.⚘𖡼𖥧𖤣 windfall, part three: candied apples. ❤︎❤︎

･:*𑁍✧˚₊ overheard on the bowie. oneshot. ❤︎❤︎ ︎

warm compress ☾.༊·˚⋆⭒˚｡⋆oneshot (title subject to change).✮

✩࿐࿔ take what you need. [on standby] ✮

for the future...⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆

untitled⋆｡°✩ Domestic Scenes (aka Sweatshirt Girl) ✩°｡⋆"finale" ❤︎❤︎

:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟcosmic knowledge. oneshot (title subject to change). ✮

love is blind: andromeda (title subject to change). [undecided rating]

broken machinery *ੈ✩࿐‧₊˚oneshot (title subject to change). [undecided rating]

᠊ᡃ࡚ࠢ࠘ ⸝່ࠡࠣ᠊߯᠆ࠣ࠘ᡁࠣ࠘᠊᠊°.⋆｡✶˖ evasive maneuvers (practice expansion) ❤︎❤︎

★♫｡°𝄞☕︎✎▤ other duties as assigned ▤✎☕︎ 𝄞°｡♫★✩ -❤︎❤︎

sunshine ☀︎ ⋆⁺☁︎⋆₊⊹ (sunshine expansion) ❤︎❤︎

#aspirations #april24 #rocket raccoon fanfiction #gotg fanfiction

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shakespearean-snape · 10 months ago

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I just survived getting my MA and the grueling process that was grad school-level education (ngl I feel that took off years off my life lol! I wasn't built for the life of a career scholar) and I feel compelled to point out that my professors "mostly" didn't discourage us from using Wikipedia as a source of information, they specifically made it clear that we could not cite Wikipedia specifically in our articles for the sole reason that it is open to editing.

Generally, misinformation and bad-faith editors (including some wayward student who tries to get clever and bias an article in favor of their essay or just someone changing an article for a laugh/to troll, or someone with a political ax to grind, or even some fan who really hates a character or ship that wants to put their own creative bias into an article for instance) are usually swiftly dealt with and the articles flagged or corrected in my experience, but it is mainly that which prevented my professors from being able to count it as a valid academic source we can cite directly in essays.

I do wonder if that isn't where the idea that Wikipedia was 100% an unreliable or bad source of information came from? Students and even some professors took the idea you can't cite from Wikipedia directly as a primary supporting source of information for any thesis argument to mean that it was just untrustworthy as a compendium of information entirely and should be avoided at all cost? I could see how that leap of logic could happen.

Also, at least at my college citing from other online dictionaries was really not acceptable as a primary source of support for a paper either (you could cite some of them referentially if you were dipping into definitions, etymological terms or other tidbits of info but not as a primary source you're basing your entire thesis argument around), as what any collegiate-level essays require are sources from peer-reviewed academic journals as the primary support (which I know is a whole other conversation as far as any potential gate-keeping among academics may or may not be concerned and I'm not really a "career" scholar to be having those debates as I said, I went for my MA to qualify for a position in a career outside academics and don't intend to double-down and torture myself trying to get a doctorate when it would only over qualify me for the job I have now and it isn't needed in my career) but only the worst kind of pedantic, misinformed snobs would tell people not to use Wikipedia (at my college they always had the highest drop out rate for their classes and people never reviewed them well because they were just pedanic a-holes for the sake of being pedantic a-holes and even their colleagues knew it as far as I could tell lol) as a research tool at all because anyone with their head firmly out of their ass should know by now what a compendium of useful and usable information it has become and if you know how to use it in your writing research then hot damn can it be helpful!

I found citations to the very kind of peer-reviewed articles I needed often enough just by using Wikipedia instead of the clumsy online library search system my college had in place so we could access Jstor and other archives "for free" as students of the college. My entire process was always to check Wikipedia first, follow the breadcrumb trail of citations on an article about the subject I was researching and then go into my school library and enter the actual title/author/journal etc. of the article sourced on the Wiki page that seemed promising to check it out so I didn't spend as much of my time trying to figure out which generic stream of terms narrowed down in a search would turn up the right articles for the subject of my research because let's get real even the most well-structured archive program (which my college's online system was not lol) can be limiting and time-consuming to navigate even if you're not a layperson when it comes to using an academic archive search system.

My professors not only knew I and most everyone did this, they were usually the first ones who encouraged us to use Wikipedia this way and told us how it could be used as a research tool to provide us with shortcuts to other scholarly articles. So long as we weren't citing Wikipedia articles directly (again because of the whole "people can actively edit and make changes to the page issue") and using it as research tool there was no issue.

In fact, and just to be fair, if I had tried to write an entire essay using the information I got off an Encyclopedia Britannica or Meriam-Webster page online I'd also have gotten docked major points too because neither are sources from a peer-reviewed article and that is what they're looking for in terms of primary support (also just I think every single professor ever dreads being handed an essay that begins with the time honored cliche: "Meriam-Webster defines..." lol) and the majority of citations your essay should be made up of with certain exceptions depending on the nature and topic of a thesis (and again I know there are entire debates surrounding the peer-review process and any gatekeeping or biases and I'm not entrenched enough in academia to have a fully informed discussion on that topic or necessarily saying peer-reviewed always = better information in every case just that this is the crux of the issue when writing essays at the college level and where the grading rubric and expectation is set for college educators to go by when grading).

I personally think Wikipedia is a godsend as a grad school "survivor" (lol) and more people need to know it can be used as a research tool when writing essays because the information you can find on Wikipedia isn't necessarily the problem, it's the fact the articles themselves can be edited real-time that makes most academic institutions wary of students citing from it and even that is just a good lesson on how to critically evaluate information (always follow up on your sources, fact check, look into the author, look for article dates, and any newer relevant data/information that may disapprove or dispute the article in question etc.) which we all can use in an age where AI, deep fakes and other manipulations of our perception of fact vs. fiction are becoming a growing issue.

#wikipedia #research literary #critical thinking #critical evaluation of information #seriously though wikipedia is a perfectly useful research tool if you know how to use it for essays so don't be afraid to wiki search

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starlightfae · 5 months ago

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Ok so this is a vague post but not in a bad way, just in a ‘cant stop thinking about it but its too stupid to bring up directly’ way

It doesn’t really matter to me if the person sees this, since like I said, it’s a stupid thing where I stopped myself from doing a “well ackshully 🤓☝️” but now I think about it more than I want to, but it was a WHILE ago so it would be dumb to like. bring it up. idk.

anyways, here we go…

So we were listening to a friend’s playlist for one of their d&d characters, and they were explaining why each song fit said character. We get to the song ‘Bud Like You’ by AJR. And my friend laughs and says this is one of the songs they added bc the character is a pothead. And I almost said something (I might have made a casual comment actually, idr) but I didn’t want to be a party pooper so yeah

The ‘problem’ (using that word loosely lol) was, I like AJR’s music a lot, and one of the songs of theirs I like is ‘No Grass Today’, where they sing about not smoking weed bc it makes them paranoid and they don’t rly like it. The song is like ‘you do you guys, but it’s not for me’. Now, I don’t know if they changed their stance since that song or whatever, but my understanding of ‘Bud Like You’ wasn’t a song about getting high (altho the title is def a play on words referencing weed) but rather 2 guys at a party being the very few abstaining from getting high. Like, 2 designated drivers vibing at the party while everyone else gets fucked up. And like, bonding over their shared sobriety.

Which doesn’t mean my friend can’t get a different message from the song! Interpretation is subjective, logically I know this. I don’t even know if my interpretation is what the band had intended either, but I wanted to argue that the song was about NOT doing weed so it doesn’t fit my friend’s character!!!

But logically, I know that it’s not that deep and doesn’t have to be a damn debate, especially since it would come off as acting like I know the band better than they do (which idk, may be correct, but there’s no need to be a prick about it lmao). It’s for fun and I don’t need to ruin it by being pendantic

But it’s been a while since then and every time I hear either song, I think about it!!! And I want to bring it up and argue about it! For no reason??

#long post #probably should use a readmore but idc #vagueblogging #but not in a bad way #feel free to ignore this #it’s basically just me writing it down so that I stop thinking about it lmao #if the friend this is about sees this they are free to bring it up or ignore it if they want #¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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hyenas-art · 1 year ago

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pinned post time

we’re Baxter, we use they/it pronouns

we’re working on 2-3 projects(depends on how you’d consider one of them due to it being very connected to another. In order on priority of development:

Lobotomy Corporation FNF mod: “Friday Night Lobotomy”

Lobotomy Corporation/FNaF fangame (working title): “LCorp: Locked Inside”

Potential comic type thing to go with the FNF mod, since we’ve put too much into the side-main characters for them to not have much of their story told

tags

(gonna try to start actually using tags lol)

stuff related to the FNF mod:

“Friday Night Lobotomy”, “Friday Night Lobotomy devposting”

stuff relating to the FNaF fangame(might change as development progresses):

“LCorp: Locked Inside”, “LCorp: Locked Inside devposting”

Until more(any) progress is made on the comic, there will not be a tag dedicated to it. Though as a placeholder for what little we will post about it until then, we will use “comic talk”

dev progress

FNF MOD: Planning is basically done, we have a small team together(if ya want to help, reach out ig, we’ll talk to the rest of the team about it)

FNAF FANGAME: Don’t have much aside from the fundamental ideas/plans for it down. Most is still up for debate

COMIC: The main oc cast of FNL have backstories. That’s about it.

That’s just about all for now ig

if it is shown to be wanted, we may go a bit more in depth to the general setup/setting for how the events of the FNF mod and FNaF fangame are

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make-me-imagine · 2 years ago

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Hold My Hand

Plot: Tensions and feelings arise when you and Sherlock end up in a precarious situation when running from a murderer.

Prompts: Forced Proximity, Sexual Tension (mild), “Hold my hand and don’t you dare let go.” <changed slightly, I hope you don't mind

Pairing: Sherlock Holmes (Enola Holmes) x Gn!Reader

Written for @multifandomfix for their birthday event. Happy Birthday! I couldn't decide on one prompt so I kind of mashed a bunch together lol.

Warnings: Nothing really.

Words: 1k.

A/N: After watched Enola Holmes 1&2 I've been debating writing for Sherlock. I have a Christmas fic planned for him, and I thought this might be a good time to test it out. Also I had no idea what to title this lol.

Your throat was hoarse as you ran down the cobblestone street. You glanced behind you, seeing the man chasing you not far behind. Glancing to your right, you saw Sherlock, jaw clenched, hair flying as he ran beside you.

When you agreed to help Enola with her current case - which she fervently assured you wold be an easy one - running from a murderous and crooked inspector with Sherlock Holmes beside you, was not how you thought it would end up.

Slipping through a small group of people, you stumbled to a stop, as your eyes cast over the busy market square.

"The market?" You asked out of breath.

"Yes, we could lose him in here."

The bustling crowds would surely provide you cover from your assailant, giving you time to lose him, but you risked being split up in the busy crowd.

Apparently Sherlock had this same thought, as you felt his hand reach down and grab your own. You felt your heart jolt in your chest as you looked from his hand, to his eyes, which he locked with yours.

"Hold my hand and don't let go." His voice was tense, and his gaze sharp.

You nodded, before he quickly started off into the crowded market. His hand was gripped tightly around yours as you ran close behind him, slipping through the crowds of people.

Looking back behind you, you spotted the familiar bowler hat of the man chasing you, as he bobbed through the crowd. You could tell he was losing sight of you as he hesitated in his steps.

"Were losing him!" You called to Sherlock as you weaved past a large group of vendors.

Taking a sharp left, and slipping past a market stall, Sherlock pulled you into a thin, darkened crevasse of an alleyway.

The alleyway forced proximity between the two of you, as your chests pressed together. You felt Sherlock slowly let go of your hand. You moved your hands and planted them against the wall behind you. The pressure of Sherlock's grip slowly fading.

Noting the closeness of your bodies, you found yourself holding your breath. Your eyes locked for a moment and you felt something pass between you, before you both broke eye contact and peered out into the crowds.

If your sudden avoidance of eye contact was to avoid the tension that palpitated between you, or to look for your assailant, you weren't sure.

Your eyes moved from one person to another, waiting to see the man pass by. After a few moments of not seeing him, you felt nervousness and relief wash over you. You may have lost him for now, but he could be anywhere.

Looking back to Sherlock, you felt a small jolt course through you, as you saw his eyes already locked on you. You felt the back of your neck heat up, as his eyes bored into you.

The detective had made you nervous from the moment you met him. The way his eyes seemed to follow your every movement, the way he studied you, you couldn't help but wonder what he could see. It had to be something notable since he seemed determined to keep you with him since he agreed to help Enola with her case a day prior.

Finally breaking the tension that seemed to be growing heavier between you, you spoke with a hushed voice. "What now?"

Sherlock seemed to snap out of his thoughts as you spoke. He paused for a moment as he took a breath.

"Now, we slip out into the crowd, grab something that could disguise us, and find our way back to Enola. Hopefully she and Tewkesbury have gathered the evidence she needed while we were being chased through London. She should have had plenty of time. Once we have it, we take the evidence to Lestrade, and then-" He paused, his voice going silent.

You rose your brow lightly "And then?" You asked.

"And then-" He began, his voice soft, but you saw his thought falter as he spoke "And then the case is done."

You weren't sure why you thought he intended to say something else, but you felt the disappointment of it anyways. You nodded your head as you forced yourself to look away from him.

Peering out into the crowds, you mumbled softly. "Sneak out. Find a disguise. Find Enola. Case closed. Sounds easy enough."

Looking back at Sherlock, he had a soft smile on his face "Something Sounding easy, and being easy don't always coincide."

You smiled softly and shrugged your head "I guess we'll find out if it does this time."

As you began to step out from the alleyway, you jumped back when you felt Sherlock grab your hand

"Wait."

"What?" You asked as you looked around hurriedly "Did you see him?"

"No, no, we're fine, it's just..."

You eyed him with curiosity as he seemed lost for words. "What is it Sherlock?"

"I- I don't know how much time we will have to talk once we leave this alley and get back to Enola."

You felt your heartbeat speed up as your neck grew hot again. It was unusual seeing Sherlock Holmes uncertain.

"Yes..?"

"I- I have enjoyed my time with you these last few days. You...pique my interest in ways I find to be unexpected. So, if- if it is desirable to you. Perhaps, once this case is over, you would be willing to have dinner with me?"

His previously downcast gaze slowly rose to meet yours. The restraint you had to use not to show your surprise was great. But you remained stoic, before you smiled softly at him.

"I would love to have dinner with you Sherlock."

You saw the small hint of relief wash over his face before he smiled. With a nod of his head he spoke softly "Great. I could pick you up tomorrow, around six?"

You repressed the grin pulling at your face as you nodded "Alright, six it is."

His smile grew wider for a moment before he remembered your current situation. He cleared his throat.

"Perhaps we should go now, before we are found here."

You were jolted back into the moment as you nodded your head "Yes, right."

You both spared each other soft knowing smiles before you slipped from your hideaway. Sherlock's hand reluctantly slipped away from yours as you quickly returning to your previous business. But both of you anew with an excited and expectant energy.

xx End xx

General Taglist: @criminaly-supernatural, @imaginesfire, @onuen, @witchygagirl, @alexxavicry

I have every intention of writing at least one more Sherlock fic, so if you wish to be tagged in that, or any future Sherlock fics, let me know! (Please be specific which Sherlock Holmes as there are multiple I write for)

#sherlock holmes x reader #enola holmes imagine #cavill!sherlock holmes x reader #enola holmes sherlock x reader #i dont know what to tag him as to make it easy to seperate from other sherlocks lol #enola holmes reader insert #henry cavill x reader #sherlock holmes (enola holmes) imagine #cavill!sherlock holmes imagine #cavill!sherlock holmes fic #birthday writing challenge #multifandomfix #multifandomfix birthday event #sherlock holmes/reader #fic #oneshot #cavill!sherlock holmes #enola holmes

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sorenzi · 3 years ago

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The Story Of You From My Eternal Memories: Deeper Analysis of VnC Birth Flowers (Vanitas & Noe Part 1)

Analyzing the language of flowers used to be an old hobby of mine. Given the fact that their birth flowers’ meaning are becoming a driving factor for this fandom’s discussion, I’ve wanted to contribute again by giving a deeper analysis on Vanitas’ and Noe’s birth flower symbolism, and the potential on their relationship/roles in VnC’s story line. (Also to deal the agonizing wait of the next chapter.)

I also really enjoy the thought Mochijun put into this part of their character development. (Or maybe she threw an arrow at a calendar randomly who knows. She loves to be vague about this stuff.)

While most flowers share similar meanings of ‘love’ or ‘beauty’, I think it’s also important to recognize the differences between the modifications of each description of ‘love’ and nuances of each flower. (Also I’m using Google Translate for the Japanese meanings/info on their flowers, so as a non-native speaker, the translation may not be 100% accurate.)

Also a quick thank you to @1anonymousdrk for informing the VnC fandom of our emotionally conflicted protagonists’ birth flowers several weeks back. This s*** has literally plagued my brain for so long lol.

https://1anonymousdrk.tumblr.com/post/658473546538975232/vanitass-no%C3%A9s-birth-flower

Unlike the western birth flowers, hanakotoba (japanese version) has flowers assigned to every month of the year, and every day of the year. I don’t know what the context you use for the month flowers though if you already have a day flower. Meanings can differ or stay similar in both languages. Everyone has at least one birth flower. The average I’ve seen is between 2-3 flowers assigned to a day, 1 being the least, 5 being the most.

BTW, the site that tells us birth flowers for every day/month of the year:

https://hananokotoba.com

Now, let’s get to it! (Allons-y!)

Vanitas’s birthday - February 7th (1871 for trivia)

He has 3 birth flowers. The ‘forget-me-not’, plum blossom, and hyacinth. The forget-me-not is most notable as it relates to VnC before the other 2. Check the bolded meanings for significance in the explanations afterward.

Forget-Me-Not (Main)

Japanese meaning: True love, “Don’t Forget Me”

Western meaning: True love, Memories (and to an obvious extent, ‘please don’t forget me’)

Similar meanings in both Japanese and English, this flower also matches Vanitas’ colour theme of blue! The ‘forget-me-not’ is a very tiny flower that grows through cracks and sometimes is viewed as weed (some consider it a welcoming sight, some find it a nuisance). The flower sometimes doesn’t grow directly in the open, but its color makes a significant impact if it is visible to a passerby.

^Sound familiar? - Dude gets on La Baleine in a sketchy manner instead of entering like a normal passenger, crashes through the window as a blue ball of flash and says some random wacko nonsense to Noe (the passerby) and threatens pain if he gets involved? Yeah, definitely made an impression there buddy! (not a good one) As a debatable ‘weed’ for gardeners, Noe did mention he found Vanitas quite annoying and ‘didn’t like him that much’ in the beginning too.

This is suitable for two reasons: it highlights Vani’s purpose as the title character and his personal wish to be remembered by a close individual, which Noe takes the responsibility of by writing out VnC based on his memories of Vanitas. The ‘Vanitas’ Noe chooses to see as an changed individual rather than the mask he set for himself or what others make up him to be. This will outlines all the goods and bad, much like how some people can view this flower as delicately tender or a nuisance. (The desire to be remembered by someone close has yet to be directly confirmed by Mochijun, but on an intimate level like flower languages, I’d like to say it’s a reasonable assumption I’m making.)

There are some flowers that have a standard meaning of ‘remember me’. For the ‘forget-me-not’, I say Vani’s desire is to be remembered by someone close rather than just to be ‘remembered at all’ is because of the other meanings associated with it and the origin of its name.

I won’t ramble the story here (the hanakotoba site I listed has the full thing) but it’s from an old German tale where a knight went to pick this flower by the riverbed for his precious person. Unfortunately, he got swept away by the water. Before disappearing from sight, he tossed the flower to her saying ‘forget-me-not’. There is a sad undertone in the thought of giving affection to another here: the desperate attempt to connect with a loved one through a small gesture turned into a tragedy. In his only chance, it was the last message/hidden desire the knight delivered to his lover. (The ending suggests his lover carried on her life never loving another or wore this flower constantly to remember him/their love.)

The flower’s meaning is also a desire to be remembered by your ‘true love’, where the other meanings come to play. In the case where this story is going (regardless of the actual canon pairing), it’s safe to say that Vani is learning to open his heart and will unconsciously desire to be remembered by someone who he shares that warmth with. ATM, between Jeanne and Noe, both have the potential to fill that role but likely it will be Noe. (Because Jeanne made Vani promise to kill her when she’s not herself and I sus Mochijun will follow through somehow). 😭

Also side note: The flower is suitable for Vani cause Noe and Dante makes a point in describing how ‘weak, small and delicate’ he is. Plz don’t come after me.

Plum Blossom (Secondary)

Japanese meaning: noble, faithful, patience

Western meaning: ‘Keep your promise’, fidelity, beauty and longevity

Plum blossoms (the type that are also called Japanese apricots) are unique and significant in Asia, as they are the first among flowering trees to bloom during winter months. While Sakura (cherry) and peach blossoms are loved for their beauty during the actual spring season, plums are cherished as the first sign of spring, and their resilience in cold weather. Compared to the Sakura, which the Japanese describes their appearance as the ‘fleeting beauty in life’ that should be appreciated in the moment, the plum is a symbol of the cycle of life. Vanitas, being a dubious depressed character, plays a bit on this although it looks like he’s indifferent to death. (Must be why he doesn’t care if he gets hurt.)

Aside from the cold nature of plum blossoms, ‘patience’ and ‘keep your promise’ are key factors that point to Vanitas’ goal in the story. When Misha (No. 71 at the time) has taunted Vanitas’ inner thoughts about breaking their ‘promise’, Vanitas moves forward diligently towards his goal, but having looked like he already ‘given up’ as Noe describes him at the bell tower. We aren’t clear what that goal is yet, but it seems that it has been at least 3-5 years since his last encounter with Misha based on the age they were drawn, so Vanitas has been working to cure curse bearers since. The look of ‘given up’ sounds like a hopelessness of broken promises and may related to how he ‘hates’ everyone equally.

Patience also appears to be something he and Noe offer each other when coming to understand each other’s differences. He also tries to fufill’s Noe’s request in a roundabout manner and even gets angry and Noe for influencing his ‘promise’ to Jeanne to save Chloe in the Gedauvan arc. We have yet to learn more about whatever is happening, but their seems to be a hidden theme of ‘secret memories’ and ‘past promises’ with Vanitas. Whether he fulfills those old promises or chooses to honour new ones remains to be seen, but I think Noe will be an key factor, not just an influence on these matters.

Lastly, ‘nobility’. Vanitas doesn’t think of himself as such, but Noe sure does. He reaffirms Vanitas’ goals in the story and influences him in a positive manner. Eventually from the surface level of what seems to be noble, Noe helps Vani see that he isn’t as despicable or unlovable as he think his is. The nobility of the plum isn’t as obvious or certain in Vani’s character, but I find that individuals who try to be noble will go through periods of decisions where they have to make choices. Noble mannerism should be constantly put into practice and such characteristics aren’t always fixed, and Noe is helping Vanitas see that, and encouraging him to go through in his own accord.

Useless side note: Beauty makes sense cause he’s the series top bishonen (Misha, Luna and even Johann say so!)

Hyacinth (Secondary)

GENERAL MEANING

Japanese meaning: Sports, games, play, love beyond sadness

Western meaning: Sports, games, rashness

Color specific (purple)

Japanese meaning: sadness, first-love single mindedness

Western meaning: I am sorry, sorrow, please forgive me

Color specific (blue)

Japanese meaning: unchanged love

Western meaning: constancy, sincerity

So this one is a little weird.

There is a background story about this flower where a boy named Hyacinth who was loved by two gods (Sun god and Wind god). Wind god was jealous that the boy and Sun god were spending time together (playing discus - a hardcore version of frisbee), so he changed the winds direction out of jealousy to mess with them. But the wind moved the disc and accidentally hits the boy, killing him. The sun god sobbed at the sight and a flower grew from the blood where the boy died. (Hence flower is called hyacinth and that the meaning of ‘sport’ and ‘game’ come in.)

There are many dates that are assigned a specific colored hyacinth. Feb 7th and April 11th are the only dates that list a hyacinth without a specific color as a birth flower. However for Feb 7th’s page on the site, an indigo-coloured (this is a bluish purple for non-native English speakers) version is used as a placeholder with the general meaning. After a little more digging I’ve listed the meanings of both a purple and blue version for potential references.

I say potential because such depth would have required Mochijun to research all the days of the year for 1 perfect day to represent Vanitas who could have been character that was still in development at the time. Could’ve been possible that she did, but with the huge world building and mysterious backgrounds of characters, total accuracy of birth flowers is treated as small nice-to-have for the audience to learn about the characters that otherwise can’t be fully explained in the canon story line. (Kind of like the little omakes she does.) That’s why I like to use the ‘forget-me-not’ flower as Vani’s most significant and representative birth flower, which greatly speaks to Noe’s aster (more in his section).

If we go with the general meaning, the ‘games’ and ‘love beyond sadness’ may be applicable to Vanitas’ trolling/impulsive tendencies and occasional wistful looks he gives Noe. Or the death Noe gives Vanitas may be related to jealousy who knows. I will definitely ramble on about it but that’s not the point of this post.

The meaning of ‘sorrow’ of the purple hyacinth in both Japanese and English definitions resonates better with his obvious depression and potential secret desire to be forgiven, which could tie to his extreme self-loathing. Forgiven for existing? Probably, but this is where we are heading toward Pandora Hearts territory and I don’t think this is a core focus for VnC. The apologetic tone that comes with the English meaning of ‘I’m sorry’ is also significant as Noe is the one who usually apologizes when talking with Vanitas or initiates a ‘make up’ session. What kind of apology will Vanitas make or receive that is so significant for flower meaning such as this?

As for the blue hyacinth, perhaps the Japanese meaning of ‘unchanged love’ correlates well with his reluctance to admit he cares about other people, but this is quite a stretch we are going for a flower that isn’t the main.

Noe Archiviste’s birthday - September 28th (1870 for trivia)

Noe also has 3 birth flowers: ‘Fujibakama’, Aster and ‘Helenium’ (variety of sneezeweed). The Aster is most notable of the 3 as it speaks directly to the VnC storyline. Like Vani’s, check the bolded definitions to refer in the descriptions below.

Aster (Main)

Japanese meaning: Recollection, ‘I will never forget you’, ‘I think of people in the distance’

Western meaning: patience, daintiness, symbol of love

Plz excuse me for a moment as I drown in my feelz from wondering why Vani x Noe isn’t canon.

The aster’s Japanese name is ‘shion’, ‘xion’ or ‘zion’. I’m not sure of the significance of it but it seems to be popular flower that’s used as a name for Japanese girls and characters, though there are multiple ways to write ‘Shion’ that doesn’t explicitly mean this flower. An example of such is Kingdom Hearts’ character Xion, who’s name can be interpreted as such. These kind of characters carry the theme of memories or a staying as a source of remembrance instead.

If we stick to the Japanese definition and think through a Japanese reader’s perspective, I can’t think of another flower with a memory/remembrance theme that has been worded so specifically like the Aster. It’s so perfectly compatible for Noe due to his personal nostalgic tendencies and status as an Archiviste, a clan that deals with memories of their own (or lack thereof before Noe got adopted by humans) and the memories of others in more ways than one. Blood drinking, the act of storing, recording and even experiencing the memories of others are all there representing ‘recollection’. While not a native Japanese speaker myself, I would suspect that a Japanese reader be fangirl-ing at the ‘coincidence’ of Noe’s birth flower. The aster/shion is just that significant in media.

But overall, it is also the most tragic. As far as the story leads us to believe, the meanings of this flower and the other 2 assigned to Noe, it’s going to get worst. 😭

Sticking with the Aster’s representation of Noe, the ‘I think of people in the distance’ is literally what’s he’s doing now. Noe uses his past emotions to fuel his drive in the present, such as his regret towards Louis and losing the potential to save him. If you want to put this is a more optimistic light, this can also be interpreted from his ‘what if’s’ convo with Vanitas when they come back from Gevaudan about how Vani could have ended up like Alfosto.

Noe thinks that he could have met Vanitas as a Chasseur, and takes a guess at what that version of Vanitas could have been. He makes a point to that he’s glad he met Vanitas as a Vampire doctor instead. He not only thinks the distance as the past or proximity, but the potential of someone who could become something that he hasn’t met yet, the good and bad. Either way, as Noe like to play as observer, his mind is never quiet, and he will always have the people he cares about in his thoughts, no matter how far they are and when he’s met them or the potential they can become. Patience is also shown on Noe’s behalf toward Vani here, as he thought about how to carefully word this to him after some time together. (More about patience can be referred in Vani’s section as one of his flowers also has this as a meaning too.)

Ok, now to the utter tragic part. ʘ‿ʘ

‘I will never forget you’

Forget your shipping glasses for a second and let’s look at it for what it is. Noe is an Archiviste. Archivistes see memories whether they like it or not. If we like to take it a step further, it’s likely they won’t ever forget it, whether they like it or not. This stuff comes ‘rushing in’ for them, but it’s not clear if this is a first time thing as Louis and Domi say ‘you won’t have to see anything more if you drink my blood again’ to him.

Noe doesn’t know much about his origins or clan. Teacher had to inform him of his ability, but I suspect he didn’t tell Noe everything. Noe doesn’t seem to be pre-occupied by thoughts of ‘identity’ crisis but more on his own mission and relationships. There is a chance he will have to face the conflict that arises from his association to the Archiviste clan. That is one problem that can turn into a tragedy as we and Noe don’t know what else he is capable of or what Teacher’s intentions are as of now. Teacher has that ability to omit or deliberately transfer information when he wants too.

Secondly, his clan was wiped out ‘long ago’ as Nox told Manet. Another Tumblr user ( @yoelikalib, thanks for your input!) mentioned about Noe never introducing himself properly, less introducing himself as an Archiviste. How long ago were they wiped out that they talk about his clan like a legend (as if no one has met one before), and why was baby Noe alone when the human couple found him in the snow? This is a random guess, but since Noe seems to be the ‘last’ of of his kind along with the lack of thought towards his Archiviste identity, he bears a generational responsibility to carry his clan’s legacy, remembering who the Archvistes were when he has not a clue of his origins. A big task on its own if you think about it, but no one has asked him to do such a thing yet. This contrasts Noe’s desire to help those in front of him and cultivate his personal values relative to his own little bubble, rather than the ‘greater good’ of what society thinks. Luckily for the audience, Noe is a naïve cinnamon roll, but shows his lack of understanding the scope of things like political affairs and schemes like whatever Ruthven’s up to. It’s easy manipulate his known (and unknown) abilities which can lead to tragedy later on.

But the good thing is that Noe knows who he is as ‘himself’. He uses his relationships, likes, dislikes, belief and curiosity rather than his status/clan to define who he is. How does this relate to the ‘I will never forget you’? I believe it’s learning to not let the feelings of the memories and desires of others over power his own person. Kind of like ‘I remember you as I the person that I saw you as myself.’ Recall that Noe sees people as individuals, where as when he was introduced as an Archiviste, everyone started to pay attention to him and use that as his only defining trait. Although this could also lead to something where he makes the wrong decisions that leads to his regrets or with Ruthven’s curse on him too.

Lastly, the ‘don’t forget me’ x ‘ I’ll never forget you’. This is probably the most obvious of tragic interpretations I’ll expand on, but this will be explained in another post labelled ‘Part 2′ with the same title to consider the length of this one.

Fujibakama (Eupatorium fortunei) - (Secondary)

Japanese meaning: hesitation, delay

Western meaning: n/a

This flower’s origin grows in Japan and China. It is rare in the wild, but largely cultivated for it’s fragrance and traditional medicine properties by the residents of these countries. If the flowers and herb foliage are crushed, they bear a similar smell to lavender.

Unlike lavender, this is a plant that remains in the soil, rather than put in an arrangement. If they are cultivated, as far as I’ve seen in pictures, they are provided their own space. The flower meaning of ‘hesitation’ is given because of its tendency to bloom each bud slowly before showing its full beauty. Suitable for Noe’s naivety and sheltered life that has been untouched from the outside world. His tendency to take things slowly, growing in his role as a student in VnC should be noted too. He also hates being rushed and prefers taking the civil way of talking it out.

Because of Noe’s purity and restrained conditions growing up, this flower can allude to how other characters view him, like the purpose why this flower is cultivated for: leisure, visual/sensual pleasure and medical purposes.

For example, in Vanitas’s case, Noe is a source of emotional healing for him. Yet he shuts out Noe because of his gentleness, and doesn’t like it when others get hurt to protect him. Vani also views Noe as weak because of his assumptions of being physically stronger than others and calls him out in a mean way to put distance between them. He can’t stand Noe’s naivety because he can also be put at a disadvantage if he becomes too close, but can also hurt Noe with his own ‘being’. (He doesn’t seem bothered by being mean to others as it’s his crappy way of protecting them though.) Being a ‘doctor’ himself, he knows medicine has the ability to become addictive or toxic if taken in the wrong dosage. If we continue this medicine analogy, for most of the story it looks like Vani is unsure of Noe’s sincerity is worth the risk of healing his own traumas as he doesn’t know what side effects (the consequences) he will have to deal with.

In Teacher’s case, Noe is probably either something like leisure. He straight up told Noe ‘now that you are here mon chaton, things are starting to look a lot more fun’. A little sinister, but not in a malicious sort of way at least for now. (Though the fact Teacher was hanging out at the black market when he found Noe is super sus.)

Domi cares for Noe, like how this flower is cared for in the garden. It’s unbothered and thrives well, to Domi’s visual delight/pleasure. (Think of the quote she tells Jeanne when they have their ‘Dance of Romance’ in Memoire 12 about, appreciating beauty in the moment and when she played ‘dress up’ with Noe in their childhood.) But it causes Noe to be dependent on these conditions (whether he’s aware of it or not) and Vanitas calls her out by saying he now understands why Noe is so naïve with someone like her at her side. She clings harder and sets a personal responsibility to be devoted to care for Noe’s emotional well being. This hasn’t changed so far in the VnC story yet.

With the way he is and how the others see him, it causes delay in Noe’s personal development, and perhaps the more difficult decisions he takes in VnC. I’m not saying Noe is stupid, but he’s sheltered to his role as an observer and headstrong in his personal values. Whatever talent he has, he lacks the independent experience to excel in it. (And typically doesn’t have basic life skills which Vani yells at him for lol.) The best example of delay was his utter lack of judgement when Ruthven reserved an entire cafe just to have a ‘casual’ chat with him.

Basically this flower just sounds like it’s calling out how sheltered Noe is, and the potential danger or collapse he can face because of it. But everyone still adores him regardless. I know I do kekeke. But the reason for this adoration, may not always be for the right ones. Which ever seems right, I will leave it up to your interpretation.

Helenium/Sneezeweed (Secondary)

Japanese meaning: tears, good mood

Western meaning: tears

I mean… this is Mochijun’s work. Someone is going to have to suffer, and Mochijun will be the only one in a ‘good mood’ while wrecking us over in both languages.

Along with the aster, this flower sounds like solid proof of the tragedy or fate that Noe has to bear on his part, especially of the the stuff he tells us in Memoire 1 and 11 (Bell tower chapter)

‘This is the story of all we gained, and all we lost, and how the end of that journey, I will kill him (Vanitas) with my own two hands” - Memoire 1

“Memories of the beginning evoke memories of the end, memories of what slipped from my grasp, the people I couldn’t protect, the day I couldn’t grab your hand... these are my regrets.” - Memoire 11

In a previous post I made here (warning- it’s really long):

https://sorenglow.tumblr.com/post/661066164348272640/with-your-very-detailed-post-on-how-vanitas-and

I mentioned theories about Noe’s lesson on love and salvation. Vanitas’ potential reciprocation of love and salvation is likely to come at a climatic point of the story that may shock the reader and Noe, such as a time where Noe will kill him. Vanitas’ who has only experienced love as something cruel and painful, finds it impossible to have someone fall for him. His love and act of salvation he grants Noe is likely to hurt him based on what he interprets love to be through his experiences. As someone who experiences both as tender affection and relief, the pain Noe experiences will likely cause his and our tears as this flower represents. However, this plant by itself doesn’t expand much where the tears are of joyous reunions or tragedy, except for greek mythology and the vague ‘good mood’ meaning.

Safe to say though, I think it’s likely to be tragedy.

CONCLUSION + PART 2 TBA

If you got this far, thank you for reading! I’ve covered the general meanings and provided a personal interpretation of Vanitas’ and Noe’s assigned birth flowers and which ones seemed to be more applicable out of the ones available for them.

The section that leans toward the shipping of VanitasxNoe and deeper analysis of the reciprocation of Vani’s ‘Forget-Me-Not’ and Noe’s Aster will be covered in Part 2! I will also write it as objectively as I can, as I hope everyone can appreciate the VnC story, and delicate speech of flower meanings of conveying feelings that would otherwise be too complicated or direct when communicating with others, than believe that flowers are used only for romantic declarations.

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alleycat-arcade · 3 years ago

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Game Start! The Seven Lords (Choice Time! Minigame)

@rayanicaraynbow asked: I know you aren't even done with my last request, but I was thinking... Fluff/crack HCs of the brothers reacting to someone trying to make MC make a decision, and MC replying with something like "I'm Genderfluid, Pansexual, and Polyamorous- I've never made a decision, and I don't intend to start now!" And this is how they come out lol. If you don't wanna do that scenario, you can just do MC just randomly coming out, out of nowhere. Have a great day/night/etc. :)

There we are, the programming should be all good now. The minigame you were trying to play should be running smoothly, but let me know if there's any glitches if you find any.

(Here we are! Sorry that this is a little shorter than my usual hc's, but I didn't want to add any unnessesscary fluff that made them confusing or derailed them. Big thanks to my genderfluid friend Elle for helping me write these lol. For better context, the polyam aspect is based off on of my old relationships. The sexuality and gender aspects aren't too major, but I wanted to make sure I wrote it as good as I could! I took my time with it so I could make sure I didn't write anything that might upset someone haha.)

Why Choose? (Obey Me! Brothers x Genderfluid! Pansexual! Polyamorous! Reader/Mc) (Forgive me for the long title jfosidfjf, couldn't think of a way to condense it)

Content Warnings: General fluff/crack and a surprise coming out of the closet! Actually a little less crack-ish then the original ask may have intended, and more goes along the line of heartfelt acceptance and support. This is real LGBTQ+ loving hours baby. Any input from those who are part of these groups is always accepted by the way! If you feel this is inaccurate in any way and want to suggest some changes, I'm all ears! :)

⚝──⭒─⭑─⭒──⚝

Lucifer:

Shopping trips with Lucifer were always an enjoyable, albeit somewhat rare, experience. It was always nice to get the Eldest out of the house and away from his work for a while, even if you were just going out to pick up some groceries.

As expected of a house of 5 demons, 1 particularly ravenous demon, and a human, you had quite the long list of groceries ahead of you. Honestly, it was surprising that the list didn't hit the ground and start rolling out of the store when you opened it. You could recognize a fair amount of the items since you'd gone grocery shopping before. Hell coffee, family pack sushi, shadow hog meat, mermaid splash, that sorta stuff.

The one thing that did surprise you however was a single item written in scratchy black ink, reading "Stuff for Mc". With the way it had been so hastily written down it was hard to pinpoint which of the Brothers had wrote it, but according to Lucifer the list had been created by both Mammon and Belphegor. That item in particular was actually the reason he'd asked you to accompany him originally, since apparently neither of the two had came and asked you what you would've wanted added to the grocery list.

What triggered your surprise admission was not your companion however, rather a very pushy sales attendant. For the most part, before encountering the attendant, the trip was uneventful. Lucifer made you aware that he trusted you enough to not give you a spending limit, and let you buy whatever you liked. But as luck may have it, you ran into one of the store's employees in the middle of grabbing some Super Spicy Newt Chips for Beel.

They were trying to get to to take a survey on customer satisfaction and asking for any recommendations for any products to begin stocking on the shelves that they didn't already carry. While that perhaps may not have been an issue if you were the more extroverted type, the entire form had been written in Infernal and they only wanted food from the Devildom as suggestions. You continually backed away and tried to excuse yourself from the conversation, but they continued to hound you to the point that there was no denying that they were doing it deliberately.

You were debating calling out for Lucifer or summoning him using the pact when the phrase had absentmindly slipped out of your mouth, somehow at the same time that you backed straight into the demon you were looking for. He let out a noise upon impact that drew your attention to turn and look at him, but Lucifer simply let out a sigh and asked the attendant to leave you be. Once the lesser demon had scurried away with their tail between their legs, the Avatar of Pride was quick to take your hand and led you back to the already full cart.

Your mind had grown restless as you stood in the checkout line, eyes darting this way and that way. Had he heard what you said? There's no way he couldn't have, he was literally right behind you. But then why wasn't he responding at all?

As another anxious thought bubbled to the surface, you felt Lucifer's hand return to lace into yours in the middle of paying, using the pad of his thumb to rub soothing circles into the back of your hand. Your heart fluttered slightly at the sudden subtle display of affection, enough to distract you of those thoughts until you had loaded up the groceries and were in the car.

Lucifer had been the one to bring it up again, turning down the car radio and clearing his throat. "What you said to that attendant, was that true?" It was hard to indicate any particular feelings from his tone, but you fought against your nerves and decided to tell him the truth. "Yes. I am genderfluid, pansexual, and polyamorous." "Have you told anyone else, Mc?" He hummed. "...No. You're the first." "Well, I'm honored to be the first one you've come out to about this Mc. If you ever need anything relating to your gender or sexuality to make you feel more comfortable, do let me know, alright?" "You're not upset about it?" Your response elicited a more boisterous laugh than you usually heard out of the Eldest, but he calmed down quickly and gazed over at you with a fond smile. "Mc, while those sorts of things may be viewed as unnatural or something to hold in disdain for some humans, it's actually rather commonplace amongst demons. I'm pretty sure if you told that line from the store at a Comedy Bar around here, you'd have the audience howling with laughter. It's quite the relatable line."

He's very understanding if you're still not ready to come out to anyone else yet, and unlike some of his brothers Lucifer's very good at keeping secrets. At times he might subtly drop hints to get his brothers on the topic of it between themselves to show you that they'll support you as well when you're ready. Luci also starts looking into some stuff that might help you feel more comfortable in your own skin if you haven't already. He's very subtle about dropping off the items as well, usually leaving them on your dresser while you're busy with something else.

(No one will ever shit talk you unless they value their status of being alive.)

Mammon:

Just about everyone in the Devildom was aware of Mammon's crush on you and how desperate he could be sometimes for your attention, even if said demon would never admit it. With it being exam season, that only gave him even more of an excuse to be around you. It didn't matter if he was really good at a subject or you were really bad in one, Mammon was desperate to squeeze in any study daaaa- study times! with you before his brothers could steal you away.

Luckily, the subject Mammon had asked you to help you with that night was something at least somewhat easy for you. You had an advantage in your Human History classes over most other students at RAD seeing as you had grown up in the Human World your whole life, so that made you one of the best people in HOL besides Satan to ask for help on the subject. Even if History hadn't been your strong suit before, the majority of the lessons were pretty much baseline knowledge you already learned in Middle and High school, with the occasional spike in difficulty.

Usually you and Mammon would trade off helping one another with their school work anyway, with him doing most of the help revolving around Mathematics, Seductive Speechcraft, and Infernal 201, and you helping with the rest. Needless to say, you weren't surprised when you found the Avatar of Greed waiting in your room after you had left to get a quick snack, sitting on your bed with his thick textbook in hand.

The majority of your study time that night had been just you sitting together on your bed, with you explaining certain concepts and literary definitions while he would nod along and take a few notes. This part of your miniature lessons was by far the easiest for your Guardian Demon, since he could ask you any question he wanted and have you explain something far better than any of the teachers at RAD would've. Although the next part was somewhat easy as well if he made decent notes, since it was a practice test that you let him use them on, he did not look forward at all to the ending point. Once you were certain that he was ready, you would set up a practice test for him that he couldn't use notes or the textbook on. While you agreed that this wasn't really the best way of testing someone on information, it was the same as you did for your exams at RAD.

When the phrase had left your mouth, you had been sitting idly by as he was in the middle of a particularly hard question. Off the top of your head you couldn't remember the exact question or complaint, just that he was upset about picking in between stances of different sides of a war for an exam question. You weren't necessarily allowed to even talk to him while he was testing, but you couldn't help yourself from say the snarky comment. It wasn't until you had already said it did you realize that exact phrase.

Mammon is silent for a moment, before turning to you with a confused expression. "Really?" "...Yes?" "Ah, cool. Do whatever ya want with yer life in your free time though, human. If I don't pass this test Lucifer's gonna take away Goldie and my car!" Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, in more confusion than the demon had previously had written across his face. "That's your reaction to me coming out?" "Ah wait, this is one a' those things that humans make a whole party out of, yeah? Let's ditch these dumb study books and hit the-" As he tried to push the chair back and stand up, you caught his shoulder and pressed him back into a seated position. "No Mammon."

After the practice test was over and done with, you commented on his very light surprise at your confession. In response he just shrugged, saying that he's met quite a few people who were either genderfluid, pansexual, polyamorous, all of the above, and more. Not just in the Devildom either, but in the Human World and Celestial Realm as well. He is however very happy to hear that he's the first person you've come out to, yet another thing to brag about to his brothers! Oh, you're not ready yet? Fiiiine, the Great Mammon can keep your secret for a little while longer, so be grateful he's so courteous! But genuinely, if there's something you really don't want anything to know that you've shared with him, he'll take it to his grave. Mammon may be a loud mouth, but he cares deeply enough for you that he doesn't want you getting upset.

He's not particularly the best with asking you about the things you want, so most of the stuff that you may need or want you'll need to either tell him up front or hint at subtly. Just leave a few things in your Akuzon cart overnight and leave your D.D.D. unlocked in a place easy to reach after mentioning something about online shopping, and they'll be laid out on your dresser within minutes. Something he has given you that he didn't get off of Akuzon is some handmade pronoun bracelets, which he made after seeing some people on Devilgram showing off theirs. The first couple batches were messy and unkempt, so he kept making them until they looked professional quality. If you ask him where he got them though, he'll probably just say Akuzon or deny being your secret gift giver.

(Threatens to beat the shit out of anyone who judges you.)

Leviathan:

With how often Leviathan would invite you into his room for a gaming or session, one would be concerned if he didn't have you over at least every other day. As such, you were getting a little worried about the otaku since it had been a week since you last hung out together. But as it turned out, he had actually been planning a surprise for you! A brand new game from a series that he loved had just came out that day, and he had spent the whole week preparing his room to play it with you. This particular installment in the series allowed main campaign Co-Op mode, and he could hardly contain his excitement.

When you saw the first series of garbled texts pop up in your notification bar, you knew he was excited about something. The amount of key smashes, caps lock, and misspelled words was very similar to the way he typed when something about his favorite anime, game, or idol came out and did something he viewed as extraordinary, and with how frequently those sorts of things happened you had gained an eye for it. Eventually he was able to get out what he wanted to say, along with sending you a picture of the game's box. The box art itself kind of reminded you of a few Human World games you'd seen in the past, but everything else about it just screamed Devildom. Shrugging, you sent Levi a text to let him know you'd be on your way over and set your D.D.D. down to get ready.

You didn't need to do anything more than knock on the door once you had gotten there, because it appeared that the Avatar of Envy had already been waiting for you behind it. Eagerly, he led you into the room by your sleeve and to his desktop, where he had already set up his second gaming chair for you, custom Henry pillow and all. Surprisingly a lot of the floor space in his room had been cleaned up and put away, and his bedtub had been pushed back enough to create a decent amount of space in the center of the room. Levi was already explaining the game, it's basic storyline, and all of the features to you as you had been looking around the room, and from what it sounded like it was a VR RPG game set in some sort of steampunk world.

After he had finished explaining it to you, he slid the disc into his PC so it could download properly. You had been expecting to wait a good chunk of time, maybe 15-30 minutes or so, for a game of that size to finish downloading, but you weren't 3 minutes into a different conversation with your beloved snake boy about something else when the download completion noise cut you off. Devildom technology frequently flipped between higher quality than Human stuff to lower quality, so you were a bit surprised that he had a computer with such a fast download speed.

Your legs swung idly as you watched him boot up the game, chuckling lightly as another download started and he groaned. Eventually, he had gotten past the start up screen and the game sent you straight into something Leviathan forgot to mention. A character creation screen.

It's not that you were against the idea of designing your own in-game character, far from it honestly, but you were a little nervous to do it in front of your boy- no, best-, no, Lord of Shadows? Lord of Shadows. The majority of options and features in most character creators were often gender specific, and you would have to choose a gender before you could begin. Staring at your half of the split screen, the text box seemed to stare back at you is it requested your character's gender.

Leviathan could see the way you were squirming in your chair from the corner of his eye, stopping in the middle of making his own character to look at your own screen. He was confused why you were stuck on such a specific part, and asked if you were having trouble deciding. Too focused on thinking, you spoke the phrase while toying with your controller's joystick. Before you could react though, Leviathan nodded and pointed to the option's drop-down menu.

"Yeah, there's more than just the basic male and female options if you just select this bit here. And the game will let you change it at anytime. Plus you can self-adjust a lot of the details of your character after this so it suits you better. Not to mention-" "Levi." You cut him off, staring at him with a wide-eyed look. "Hm?" "Did you realize what I just said?" "Yeah, that you were Genderfluid, Pan and Poly right?" His eyebrows knitted together looking at you reaction before it slowly dawned on him. "W-wait, did you not mean to come out to me just yet? I get if you didn't, but I don't judge you at all or anything! As my, uh, one and only Henry, you have my full support in every aspect!"

While he has also know quite a few demons and angels with similar circumstances as you, Levi's also come to know humans across the world all over both the gender and sexuality spectrums through online Co-Op. That's where he had come to know a good deal of the abbreviations as well. If you feel comfortable with it, he'll ask if a few of his guildmates in another game would want to chat with you and give you support as a fellow LGBTQ+ individual with similar experiences. He also asks those same guildmates for advice on how to make you more comfortable and happy, and does his best to put their advice into actions.

(Where did those Ruri-chan pronoun pins come from....?)

Satan:

It was well known that Satan enjoyed spending time in Animal cafés, with Cat cafés being his all time favorite. So, it was no surprise to you when he invited you along with him to go to a new one that was about to open up. The café wasn't completely cat themed but it did have some felines hanging around. Rather, it was an animal café that intended to show off to customers the more exotic creatures that many of the residents in the Devildom kept as pets. You had happily agreed, eager to see some of the other fauna that the Devildom had to offer.

The walk to the café was quite pleasant, mixture of brief mingling and comfortable silence as you made your way through the uncrowded streets of the Devildom. With all of the connections that Satan had, he was able to be one of the people invited for the café's Pre-Opening day, where a small amount of guests could spend a bit longer than they usually would with the animals and have a few free treats.

When you had arrived you were quick to claim the secluded booth in the corner, a space that gave you a perfect view of the entire café as well as being in the optimal range for any of the animals to just wander up to you as they pleased. None of the other guests had arrived just yet, giving you some quality alone time with Satan and the animals. Oh, and the staff as well, you suppose.

Only a few of the animals had woken up at this point, and they were quick and eager to approach your table not too long after you had sat down. A few Human World animals were amongst them, such as a few housecats, dogs, and rabbits, but there were even more Devildom fauna over all. For the most part they looked quite similar to the mammals, reptiles, and avians that you were used to seeing, give or take some extra scales, arms, flippers, gills, and what not.

In the middle of stroking a vampiric rabbit, a staff member had finally come to your table with menus. Seeing as Satan was currently obsessing over the kitten that had approached the table moments before, you requested to have some extra time to look over the menu. Skimming over the menu, it was fairly similar to most of the other Devildom cafés with a few fancy pet themed names. It was a relief, since you didn't need to worry to much about accidentally eating something unsafe for humans.

Eventually the kitten wandered off, leaving you with Satan's attention for the time being. He was quick to skim the menu before picking out something that appealed to him, but you weren't having as much luck. Just about everything on the menu looked or sounded fairly appetizing, making it hard to choose between any of the drinks or food. You were almost ready to just let the vampire bunny on your lap choose what you would eat for you anyway. When you had suddenly uttered the sarcastic phrase, you were under the impression that you had just whispered it to the rabbit, but the way that Satan's eyebrow suddenly raised told you that he heard it as well.

"Ah, did I say that out loud?" "Yes. Is that an issue?" His lack of reaction was kind of odd, but you didn't pry. "No, I guess not." Satan was quick to recognize the discomfort in your voice. "This is what most Humans call 'coming out' isn't it? I suppose I should start arranging the festivities then." "E-eh?" A quizzical look was sent your way as you made the noise of surprise and distress. "What's the matter, Mc?" "Nothings really the matter it's just..." Picking up on what you were subtly hinting at, he offers you a gentle smile and places his fingertips on the knuckles of your hand that you had left on the table. "I don't know much about those sorts of things, but I know that they are important to you as a person, correct? And as someone who values your wellbeing and happiness, I fully support you."

On the topic of sexualities and gender in the Human World, the Devildom's history books about it aren't the most up to date. Most of the knowledge that Satan had on these sorts of things were learned second-hand, and before your arrival he never had too deep of an interest in anything to do with the Human World. He had been fully prepared to give you one of the "Coming Out" parties that an acquaintance of his had invited him to, but if you weren't ready to come out yet he fully understood. Satan is fully willing to study up on anything and everything he can learn about LGBTQ+ in general, and if you're willing to answer them, he'll ask you a great deal of questions.

(While Mammon might threaten those who judge you, Satan will act on those impulses.)

Asmodeus:

While Asmodeus was quite particular about his health and wellness, he knew that it couldn't hurt from time to time to indulge in something on the sugary side. Earlier that week you had spoken about wanting to go to Madam Scream's for some pastries since you'd been having the itch for them, and Asmo had jumped at the chance to take you out before his brothers could even speak.

Madam Scream's had bulked up their menu quite a bit from the last time you had been in the Devildom, with a few new treats added to the menu that were clearly based off of pastries from the Human World and Celestial Realm. They all looked delicious in their own right from what you had seen in commercials and online, so you knew off the bat that it was going to be a hard decision for you to choose just what you wanted. If Grimm wasn't a limiting factor for you, you might've just walked away with the whole store.

You had met Asmo at the gate after the last of your classes at RAD had finished, just as you had agreed to earlier in the day. Mammon had waited alongside you for a while, but quickly scurried off in a huff once he saw the Avatar of Lust approaching in the distance. Spotting you, Asmo was quick to make his way through the crowds of students, weaving in and out until he was finally close enough to wrap his arms around your waist and give you a gentle hug. With the close proximity, you could smell the new shampoo he had been talking about using that morning on the way to RAD, scented lightly with sugary smells. He chuckled as you joked about not needing to go to Madam Scream's if he just kept smelling his hair, but teased back that you wouldn't be able to handle doing that right now.

As one might expect, there was a decent amount of traffic at Madam Scream's. Just enough to make a somewhat large line, but not enough to have a line out of the building. This gave you some time to think over your options, since you could see the menu board from the door. Standing beside Asmo, you shifted nervously in place as you thought over all of the options on the menu. He took notice of your indecisiveness easily, and teased you lightly about it. Deciding to be a bit snarky in return, you spoke the phrase as a remark.

Asmo giggled pleasantly at your sudden confession, lightly placing a hand on your shoulder. "Mc, you say the funniest things sometimes! I didn't know you could make such relatable jokes!" "The first bit wasn't a joke Asmo..." You muttered, nervously rubbing your arm. "Oh, I know. And I appreciate that you were able to come out to me, even if it was on accident. I was just saying that I could relate to not wanting to ever make a decision." Looking up from the ground, you were met with a glimmering smile from the demon beside you. "Let's talk about this somewhere more private though, dear. I sense that you're not exactly comfortable discussing this in such a crowded place, no? But you are going to have to pick something off the menu before we leave."

Out of all the brothers, Asmodeus is most in tune with sexuality and gender as a whole. One could say he's quite literally seen it all and done it all as well, subtracting the final bit from those who are asexual. Asmo sets out to become your number 1 support system if you're comfortable with the idea, and is overall the most bold about helping you be more comfortable in your own skin. Want something to make you feel more masculine or feminine? Asmo's got you covered. Wanna feel more in-between/androgynous that day? Don't worry about a thing. Want to get yourself a few things to show off your proper pronouns? Asmo has a few that you can borrow while you pick out some ones that suit you. Need someone to introduce you to other similar people so you get comfortable with the concept of coming out before you are fully out of the closet? Asmodeus, at your service!

(Dunno why anyone would even try judging you with Asmo around, they'd only end up embarrassing themselves.)

Beelzebub & Belphegor:

Seeing as Belphie was the Avatar of Sloth, it could be hard to find the time to hang out with him unless he really wanted to. But ever since you had bonded closely with Beel, freed him from the Attic, and wormed your way into his heart, it was hard for him to deny any requests from you. So, he pleasantly agreed when you invited him to have a movie night with himself and his twin. Beelzebub was just as happy to tag along, content with the idea of spending time with good company and good food.

You had bought a majority of the basic movie snacks that one would typically dine on the night before, making sure to pick up as much as you would probably need and plenty of the things that yourself and the twins liked to eat. To make your movie night a little more special, you had asked Lucifer if he could get a projector set up to work in the Planetarium. When the star lights had been turned off, the ceiling made a perfect spot to project images onto so you could watch it while laying down. The Eldest was hesitant, but eventually gave in and agreed. Borrowing the laptop that you would stream Rouletteflix on from Leviathan was by far the easiest task, since you just promised him that you would marathon an anime with him next week in return.

Once the popcorn had been popped and all the blankets and pillows set out, you sent a text to the chat that you shared with the twins and waited. Beelzebub was the first to arrive, noticing the scent before your text when he had returned home from a quick workout. Belphegor arrived not too long after, not even bothering to knock as he made his way in and took a seat at your side.

The laptop you had borrowed was set up a little ways away from where you planned on laying down at, so much to Belphie's dismay you had to gently wriggle out of his grip and walk over there to select a movie for the three of you to watch together. A seemingly endless set of movies and shows were displayed on the screen before you, and as you scrolled down it looked like the list of titles would keep going to the end of time. By the time you were what the site considered halfway down the page, it had reloaded with more and set your progress almost all the way back up to the top. Asking the twins about what they wanted to watch wasn't much help to your plight either, since their responses pretty much boiled down to "whatever you and Beel/Belphie want to watch is fine". In annoyance you had spoken the phrase, before quickly shutting your mouth and looking over at the twins with wide eyes.

Beelzebub stared back at you with inquisitive eyes, tilting his head curiously at your words. Belphegor was more nonchalant, but he was clearly staring in your direction as well. "Is that true, Mc?" "I-er-" "It's fine if it is, Mc. We're not going to judge you if it is." "Beel, I-" "We've been through enough together that neither me or Beel would be cruel to you for practically anything anyway." Belphie cut you off, lifting his head up a bit so that the lower half of his face wasn't covered by his pillow and revealing a gentle smile. "It is, I am all of those things." You spoke again with a little more confidence. "Now why don't you two help me actually pick out a movie so we can get started?" "Tch, fine."

Again, with how limited the education on the Human World was in the Devildom prior to the Exchange Program, it was hard to find too many resources about the topics of sexuality and gender besides a few outdated sources. Belphie did know quite a bit about humanity prior to the Fall, but a lot had changed ever since then in human society, so the twins had quite a lot of catching up to do in that regard. Nonetheless, they're both very welcoming and accepting of you. The twins also try to go above and beyond to accommodate you unless it makes you uncomfortable. Most of the time they would go to Asmo for help on the topic, unless you're not out to him yet, and try to learn as much as they could about your specific gender and sexuality as a whole as well as ways to help you emotionally and physically. Collectively, they want nothing more than you to be happy, healthy, and living your best life.

#obey me x reader #obey me fic #obey me headcanons #obey me x mc #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me beel #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor

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agentravensong · 3 years ago

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a deltarune post-snowgrave au feat. noelle and a clown

I had this idea the other night sparked by watching a DeltaRune speedrun where Noelle was temporarily equipped with JevilsTail to boost her Magic for the second Berdly fight. I thought about how any items you equip to Noelle on the Weird / Snowgrave route are basically lost once she leaves the party.

And I then thought: what if, when Noelle's back in the light world, catching her breath after running out of the hospital, she hears something strange. Not Kris's voice, but not the other voice she heard coming from them either.

Then she feels something rustling in her pockets. She reaches in, knowing there should be nothing there, and pulls out a Joker card. It's smiling at her.

And thus, we have what I'm tentatively titling:

the Jevil on Her Shoulder AU.

More details + some doodles below the cut!

To put it more plainly, the premise is that Noelle gets equipped with Jevilstail during the Weird Route and still has it on her when she leaves the party post-freezing Berdly. Back in the light world, Jevil can talk to her and even, as long as they're in the dark, appear as his dark world self. How is he able to do this? Because, meta, AU, bullshit, that's why.

So Noelle gets someone who has knowledge of the kind of big picture stuff that she’s brushing up against. Someone who will make her life hell for his own amusement, but who also seems to be trying to help in his own way, and at least brings humor, levity, and a strange kind of solidarity.

And if he turns on her, or just ends up being more trouble than he's worth? Well...

She's got a pair of scissors that can nip that problem in the bud.

Also, Jevil is def trying to help Noelle get with Susie. But his dating experience is exclusively from Seam and, debatably, Spamton, both of whom he is obviously divorced from. So, it's not exactly his area of expertise.

Other miscellaneous stuff and underdeveloped ideas:

- Lots of fun potential shenanigans with Jevil learning about the Light World

- Jevil pranks Noelle as much as he can in his (initially) limited form. He wasn't prepared for Noelle to be so hard to scare, to even laugh at his stunts. They're both reminded of someone else. Someone they might have considered a friend.

- Noelle's scissors may or may not become ice spears in the dark world. Might change it to a weapon closer to a pair of scissors, if I can find one. EDIT: I think I'm actually gonna go with a pair of sabre-type swords, the ones with a curved handle/hilt, cause that's kinda scissor-like, right? Also I just like swords. And, I mean, a "Kris" vs Noelle sword duel? Sign me up!

- I would love to include Spamton in this, but he's unfortunately stuck as Ralsei's new scarf by virtue of how Weird Route ends. Though, I suppose there's nothing explicit in canon (yet) stopping her from stumbling on the dark world in the supply closet and having an actual conversation with the fluffy prince... and even without the Spamton connection, that would be an interesting scene to witness...

- That being said, Spamton not being around would allow for a convo like this:

jevil: say, did you ever meet a silly little salesman? noelle: ....uh. maybe. were you friends? jevil: oh no no, he's a little cringer. lol. noelle: oh, alright! well, i... may have... killed him. jevil:

So, pick your preference, I guess.

- Speaking of Spamton... remember how Noelle finds his glasses and the door to his shop somehow nostalgic? Perhaps she's had past experience with him and the others like him that she slowly remembers as she befriends Jevil. Re-befriends? :)

- Let's talk more about Suselle in this AU, cause I thought of a new layer to it: if we have a player who would equip Jevilstail to Noelle just for the magic boost, then they probably equipped it to Susie earlier as well. So we get to have a fun twist where Noelle doesn't want to tell anyone, especially Susie, that there's a clown in a card talking to her, but then Jevil's like "Oh yeah I know her!" Then when Susie catches on she's like "You're stuck with him??? geez that's... you want me to take him off your hands for you?"

And maybe Noelle initially says yes... But she's still not up to talk Snowgrave stuff with Susie at this point. Jevil is the only person she feels like she can talk to about it, partly because he's seemingly the only one who would understand, and partly because he doesn't judge her - and even if he did, it's not like he can do anything about it. And she needs someone to talk to about it.

So she asks for him back. But Susie and Jevil continue to have fun banter, with Susie on one hand being generally disconcerted by him, and on the other finding him more fun and relatable than she's comfortable with. And Susie and Noelle get to bond over having to deal with him :)

(There's some good analysis of Susie & Jevil as a pair out there to draw on here. A couple of examples:

https://evenmywordsare.tumblr.com/post/666601721530875904/peaktorielperformance-evenmywordsare-jevil-doing

https://neitherlightnordark.tumblr.com/post/666418601619832832/i-do-think-the-intricacies-of-jevil-and-susies)

- Maybe Susie could even be the one to bring Ralsei - and, by extension, Spamton - into this? Because she's worried about Noelle and not sure if Jevil being able to interact with them in the light world like this is a bad thing, so she goes to castle town and has a talk with him, and maybe arranges a future convo between him and Noelle. As they're planning it, Ralsei is trying to ignore Spamton in his ear begging him not to bring the clown in. Then, after Susie leaves, he and Ralsei have an actually meaningful, if brief, convo themselves.

- Jevil helps Noelle to enter (find, create) and explore more dark worlds. At first for fun and to maybe help her toughen up a bit, but then, after the two of them put together that her sister might be that one girl stuck in the dark world working for the big G man, maybe... to try and rescue Dess.

- For angst reasons, I like the idea of an eventual verbal confrontation between Noelle and Jevil (think an act 2 low point) launching into a battle, and suddenly (maybe not until after she's gotten hit a few times and cries for help?) there's a red heart helping Noelle to dodge Jevil's attacks. And the two of them have this shared "Oh shit" moment, with Noelle doing everything she can not to think about, and thus alert the soul to, the scissors in her pocket (because I imagine this fight happening in the light world... somehow).

- But I would like this story to end with a happy ending. With Noelle finding her freedom from "Kris"'s puppet strings, and maybe helping them and her other friends with it too while she's at it. With a hard-fought-for reunion with her older sister. With her recognizing the strength she always had was already enough, and learning to use it for her own ends. Plus, her getting with Susie, as is wonderfully inevitable.

- And with Jevil realizing that his world being limited and artificial doesn't mean that there's no value in forming attachments to and bonds with the things and people in it. With him perhaps patching up some old connections of his own, and finding something new to live for. People to care about, who care about him.

In summary: if Noelle has to go through the Weird Route in some timelines, she deserves a friend whom she can commiserate with, who's already in as deep as she is and has at least started to cope with it. And of course Susie will be there for her no matter what, but sometimes... look, sometimes, you need a clown.

I may eventually write something for this, but I'd love to see what anyone else who likes this idea wants to do with it too! In fact, if you make anything for it, please @ me (along with including a link back to this post, preferably) so I can check it out!

For a last little bonus, take this song Spotify reminded me of yesterday which fits this AU to an almost scary amount.

#deltarune #deltarune chapter 2 #deltarune spoilers #noelle holiday #jevil #snowgrave route #weird route #jevil on her shoulder #image descriptions in alt text #fair warning: if i see anyone try to turn this into a ship thing i'm ending you on the spot.#i do not know how to accurately draw jevil from the side. especially with the limited colors of a basic pencil #but on the other hand i am *very* happy with how all three noelles turned out!!!#...though i now realize that i forgot her freckles. rip

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the-bau-quinjet · 4 years ago

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I don't give a damn

Steve x f!reader

Summary: Sometimes Steve's forgets how times have changed. You're there to sing him a song about it.

Warnings: swearing, drinking, kisses, themes of sexism, i guess spoilers for Annie Get Your Gun (although that's from the 50s so I don't really think it needs much warning lol)

Word Count: 3020

a/n: another karaoke fic (because I wasn't kidding when I said I love them). Most of the songs I've been listening to have come from a playlist aptly titled ffs. It stands for both "for fucks sake" and "feminist fight songs" in my mind, hence the similar theme of this fic and My Name Isn't. This one was inspired by Joan Jett's "Bad Reputation"!

Masterlist

You and Steve don't see eye to eye on most things. It's not that you don't get along. You respect each other too much to fight about everything, but you have differing opinions on most things.

Take movie night for example. Cap always wants to watch something from his list. He's always trying to pick a "classic".

Most of the time, you would rather watch something you haven't seen. Unless it's a comfort thing, you don't really like repeating movies.

You both understand the other's perspective, so rather than a screaming match you typically settle it with a game of rock, paper, scissors.

Unfortunately, that's how most of your interactions go.

Outside of missions and team building nights Tony forces upon the group, you don't spend much time with him. The two of you are just polar opposites.

The problem with that? You have a massive crush on Mr. America himself.

Not that anyone else would know that. You're highly trained in the art of covert operations. You know how to hide your feelings, although you are certain Natasha at least suspects something.

You've resigned yourself to taking this secret to your grave, that is until Cap says something one movie night that sets you on edge.

"Rock, Paper, Scissors, shoot!" You held out your fist, having chosen rock.

Steve smirks, covering your fist with his open palm. "Paper beats rock, time for another 'classic'." He squeezes your hand before letting go. He picks up his book, trailing the pencil down the page for the next movie.

The high you were currently riding from his touch quickly dissipated when he announced the movie he wanted to watch.

"Annie Get Your Gun is next on the list." He smiled, closing the book before returning it to his pocket.

You couldn't help but scoff, "who suggested that one?" Annoyed at the sexist themes of the 50s musical movie.

"Someone said to watch all of the best pictures/musicals from the Academy Awards to see how times have changed." Steve scrunched his face in thought. "I can't remember who though."

"What? Most of those movies are terrible if you ask me." You whined a bit, annoyed at the idea of watching your least favorite type of movies.

"Your just annoyed cause you lost rock, paper, scissors. Let the man cross it off his list and move on." Sam chimed in from across the room.

You huffed, making a face at Sam before turning to get more comfortable on the couch. "Fine, this one still sucks though." You frowned, nonplussed by the idea of watching another 'classic' with another sexist storyline.

Somehow, you sat through the musical without any interruptions, unless you counted aggressively rolling your eyes.

The second it was over, you were turning the TV off, excited to be done with it. You were three steps from the exit when Cap called out to you.

"I don't know why you hate that musical so much, Y/N. I thought it was sweet what Annie did for Frank."

You narrowed your eyes as you turned back to him. "Would you lose on purpose to 'get the girl'?" You couldn't help but roll your eyes at the phrase. "Would any of you?" You looked at all the men in the room.

"I don't think it'd be very fair. Wouldn't want her to think she was better than me if she's not. Besides, it depends on the girl." He may have been going for a flirty tone, but you just grew angrier at Steve's response.

"Right, because why should you have to pretend to be worse to appease someone else?" Everyone in the room could see where you were going with this. Everyone, that is, but Steve.

"Yeah, that's a good way of putting it." Steve nodded along, glad the two of you were finally agreeing on something.

"The why'd you think it was sweet when Annie did it?" You stepped closer, narrowing your eyes even farther. "The whole musical Frank was too stubborn, his ego too big, to deal with the fact that Annie was better than him. 'You can't get a man with a gun'? Bullshit, you could always shoot him." You let out a dry laugh at your own joke, completely fed up with sexism in movies being written off as love.

Steve was taken aback at how everything had shifted. He thought he was finally in agreement with you on something, so he clung to it. "But she did it for love... her reputation, all the medals, they still showed how good she was." Halfway through speaking, he realized he was only making it worse, but it was too late. The damage was done.

"For fuck's sake, she shouldn't have to pretend to be any less of a badass sharpshooter than she is to find love." With another roll of your eyes, you went to leave, stopping again at the sound of Steve's voice.

"Maybe she was just scared she wouldn't find anyone with that reputation." He nearly smacked himself for that one, why couldn't he just shut up? He just didn't want you to be mad at him.

With one hand on the doorway, you looked over your shoulder. "That reputation? I'd rather have that reputation than a relationship where I have to feed his ego." With that, you walked to the elevators, beyond ready to call it a night.

"I'm an idiot." Steve sighed, head in his hands, elbows on his knees while sitting on Bucky's bed.

"Yep. You just kept digging." Bucky agreed easily, not sure where to start with the advice.

Steve shot him a glare as he began pacing back and forth. "I mean, she clearly didn't like the movie. Why did I even start the conversation? I should have just let her walk away. She already barely tolerates my presence as it is. We disagree about everything, even if we rarely fight over it. I should've just cut my losses and enjoyed the time we spent together, even if it was with everyone."

"Punk, you need to relax. Just go apologize, then maybe you'll actually go to sleep at some point tonight." Bucky shoved Steve out the door, slamming it shut before he could object.

Mumbling about what a jerk Bucky is, Steve made his way to your door. He hesitated, turned around, walked a few steps, turned around again, and eventually knocked.

You opened the door with a yawn, having been close to sleep when the noise startled you. "What d'ya need, Cap?"

He couldn't help but smile at your sleepy state, never having seen you this unguarded before. "Uh, I just wanted to apologize for earlier. You're entitled to your opinion, and there was no reason for me to fight you on it."

A look of annoyance briefly flashed across your face at the mention of the movie, but you relaxed given his apology. "I'm glad we can agree then. It's a terrible movie."

"Oh, no, I still like the movie." He had never wanted the ground to swallow him whole more than he did in that moment. Floundering for a way to undo what he just said, he started rambling. "I mean, you're right. It is kind of sexist, but that was just the time period you know? Like in the 40s, dames had to constantly worry about how their actions would affect their reputations." Up to that point, he had been staring at the floor, rapidly spewing more words. "I mean, you wouldn't want a bad reputation, right?" He chose the wrong sentence to make eye contact.

The sleepy, slightly confused smile was gone, replaced by a look he had hoped to never have directed at him. You spoke with an eerie sort of calm when you replied. "I think you're a little stuck in the 40s, Cap. I shouldn't have to worry about my reputation anymore than any man does his. Goodnight."

For the second time that night, a door slammed in his face. Bucky was definitely wrong. He would not be getting any sleep after talking to you.

"Ladies and gentlemen, it's karaoke night. Yes, I've rented a bar. No, you may not stay home. We start at 8!" Tony walked in, made his announcement, and instantly walked right back out.

Everyone nodded, taking in the brief encounter with Tony. Well, everyone but you and Steve. The two of you were too stuck in your heads to listen to Tony's ramblings.

It had been three days since movie night, and Steve still hadn't worked up the courage to talk to you again.

What could he even say to explain why he was so flustered? "Sorry for the other night, I can't seem to form coherent thoughts when I'm around you, because even though we rarely talk outside of missions, I have a massive crush on you"? No, that was definitely coming on too strong.

He just needed to find the right words.

Meanwhile, you were confused. You never would have imagined Steve to be so stuck in the past. Of course, you understood things were different before he got stuck in the ice, but he's really made leaps and bounds in his understanding of feminism and equality since he first realized what year it was.

You wanted to ask him where the whole speech came from, but you were afraid of the answer.

"I guess that means it's time to get ready since it's already 6:30! I swear, he never gives us enough notice for these things." Wanda smiled at Vision, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek, before grabbing you and Nat to go change.

"What are we getting ready for?" You asked when Wanda finally let go of your arm, having entered the elevator.

"Karaoke! Didn't you her Tony?" She eyed you suspiciously, clearly debating whether or not to look into your mind.

"She was too stuck in her head to notice me throwing popcorn at her, she definitely didn't listen to Tony." Nat smirked at your startled expression, laughing when you reached up to brush the kernels out of your hair.

You glared at both of them, "I was just thinking about some stuff. That's all."

"Yeah, some stuff named Steve." Wanda cackled, having decided to peak into your head. It was for your own good after all.

"Wanda! You said you wouldn't read my mind unprovoked." You wanted to be angry, but part of you was relieved you wouldn't have to keep this secret anymore.

"It was provoked! You wouldn't tell me what you were thinking about." Wanda smiled, also knowing that you were happy to have shared the secret, even if not by choice.

"And don't try to change the subject. Steve, huh? Somebody's got a crush." She was taunting you like a child would on a playground, shaking her head back and forth for emphasis.

"Well, yeah, but that's not what I why I was thinking about him." They each gave you a pointed look, obviously not believing you. "Seriously! I was thinking about movie night." You frowned, upset at the memory.

You quickly filled them in on what Steve said when he came to talk to you as you made your way to Nat's room to get ready. (She has the biggest vanity, so it makes the most sense to go to her room).

"I can't picture Steve trying to defend himself like that. Normally if he's fallen back into his old ways, someone points it out and he apologizes." Nat made a face, trying to put two and two together. "Unless..." She looked at Wanda, gesturing for her to read her mind.

"Oh my god!" Wanda squealed, nearly knocking you over with her excitement. "Steve's got a crush, toooooo." She happily dragged it out, much to Nat's amusement.

"Please, the man barely talks to me as it is. Our most substantial conversation revolved around my 'bad reputation' or lack thereof." You couldn't help but roll your eyes at the memory. "I seriously doubt he's got a crush. I do want to fix this though. I don't like when people are avoiding me. I get all stressed about accidentally running into them."

"He totally has a crush." Wanda smiled again.

"It's the only reason he would turn into a rambling idiot in front of you." Nat added.

"What song should I sing tonight?" You desperately tried to change the subject.

Wanda smirked, already having a perfect song in mind. "I think I've got one that could solve both your problems..." She filled you and Nat in on her plan, and although you doubted the crush aspect of it all, it was a good way to break the ice in terms of Steve avoiding you.

Hopefully it would show him you were more confused than upset, and everything would work out.

You changed quickly, embracing 80s fashion to go with your song choice. You wore black leather pants and a matching jacket, slipping on a tight red shirt underneath. Although, you still did your hair like you normally would, not fully committing to the 80s vibes.

With the addition of some red lipstick, a rarity for you, you were ready. Wanda and Nat finished their looks as well, and the three of you left for the bar.

You were honestly a little surprised when Steve walked up to you immediately after you walked into the bar. He handed you your favorite drink, smiling as he took in your ensemble.

"I wanted to apologize. I didn't mean all that stuff I said, just sometimes I forget how much things have changed and I-" You cut him off, not wanting him to suffer (or ramble) too much.

"Steve, it's fine. I was honestly more confused than anything else." He smiled, taking a sip from the drink he provided you.

"Really? You definitely looked angry when you slammed the door in my face." He outwardly cringed at bringing it up again.

"Okay, I was angry at first, but then I was mostly confused." You nodded, trying to convey that you weren't upset with him anymore.

"Good. I'm glad because avoiding you was getting pretty difficult." He wanted to smack himself again. Why does he always say the stupidest things around you?

To his relief, you laughed at his 'joke'. "Plus, this makes my song choice even more fun." You winked before walking back over to Wanda and Nat, leaving Steve to wonder about your performance.

"Y/N! You're up next." Tony called from his seat near the stage. He really liked to enforce his 'everyone must participate in team building, that's how it becomes team building' philosophy when it comes to karaoke night.

You couldn't help but smirk at Steve as he whipped his head around to witness you walking onto the stage. He's been eagerly awaiting your performance.

Everyone who knew the song started laughing at the first sounds of the guitar. The two super soldiers though? They were confused.

"I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation."

Once you started singing, you couldn't take your eyes off of Steve. He was blushing at being called out, Bucky's hysterical laughter next to him not really helping the situation.

"Living in the past, it's a new generation."

Bucky nearly fell out of his chair laughing. Even Steve had a smile on his face. You bobbed your head to the music, relying on your previous drinks to really get into the performance.

"A girl can do what she wants to do, and that's what I'm gonna do. And I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation. Oh no, not me."

You put air quotes around bad, really playing it up since everyone was having so much fun with it. Tony, Nat, Wanda, and Sam were jumping around, dancing as you sang. Bucky was still trying to catch his breath from laughing so hard. Steve was full on grinning by the last chorus, slightly shaking his head at your antics.

"So, why should I care about a bad reputation, anyway?"

In typical Tony fashion, he saing along for the "oh no, not me" bit of the song, encouraging everyone to scream the words with him.

By the time the song was over, you were a little out of breath, sweating a bit from the lights.

"Now's your chance, punk. Go bring her another drink." Bucky shoved the glass in his hand and gave Steve a slight push in your direction as you walked off the small stage.

You hugged Nat and Wanda before making your way toward the bar. Steve intercepted you, handing you the freshly made drink.

You smiled, uttering a quick thanks before eagerly taking a sip. The cold liquid did wonders for your parched throat.

"That was quite the performance. Really called me out 'on my bullshit' as you would say." You couldn't help but laugh and tease him a bit more.

"Captain, language!" You placed your empty hand on his shoulder, sliding down to his chest with your next question. "Whatever will the world think of you?"

"Well, recently I've adopted a new motto." He whispered, leaning in closer so you could here. "I don't give a damn 'bout my reputation."

Caught off guard by his use of the lyric, you laughed, leaning into your hand on his chest for support.

"Something we agree on then." Your breath caught in your throat when you realized just how close he was.

"I think there's one more thing we agree on..." He trailed off, eyes quickly glancing down at your lips.

"What might that be, Cap?" Your eyes drifted down his face as well, giving him enough courage to lean in.

His lips caught yours in a passionate kiss. He pulled you closer as you wrapped your arms around his neck. The two of you moved in sync, as if you were made for each other.

You were so lost in each other, you paid no attention to the cheers from your teammates. You didn't even register Nat and Wanda screaming "I told you so" as Steve pulled you in for a second kiss.

#steve rogers x you #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x y/n #captain america x you #captain america x reader #captain america #marvel fic #marvel

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taviewritesstuff · 2 years ago

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UPDATE - October 24, 2022

Hey folks! Here I am again with another update! It won’t be quite as long as the last one, but it’s still chock full of information. So, buckle up, buttercups!

Firstly, I’m happy to report that I made it through my first week of school in tact! I’ve learned from my mistakes and have been breaking down my homework into manageable chunks, which has made it much, MUCH easier to not only get it done, but to also get some creative things done. I have two papers coming up this week, and a lot of reading on my end, so I’ll probably be busy again, not coming on unless I have enough time. I will be staying in touch with my good friends, though, so I’m not gonna COMPLETELY radio silent.

The real enemy last week was work! My schedule was all over the place, and it left me feeling pretty darn stressed out. Thankfully, I didn’t let that get in the way of my homework, but man, when I say I practically ran out the door Saturday… 😩 Good news is, I’ll be taking Friday and Saturday off so I can have some much needed rest and time to myself to take care of homework. Oh, and my parents are coming to visit, so it’ll be fun to catch up with them!

Well, that’s all that I can think of regarding life updates. Next up, I have a few cool creative ideas that I’d like to share with you all!

For starters, Blazin’ Trails is back on the horizon! I’ve been working on the final chapter for the last couple of weeks, and I’m super excited to post it! I went from having no idea where to take the story, to now wanting to spend every moment I’m not working on homework on this. There are cool cameos from certain characters, one of my favorite OCs gets a bigger role, and things will be set up to go into the next phase, which is Blazin’ Trails Redux! Ideally, I’d love to have this story’s final chapter out on November 20th, which will mark the story’s sixth anniversary, but since I’ll be working on FLaG Remastered (more on that below) for NaNoWriMo, I can’t guarantee that. If I get that out earlier, that’d be awesome as heck. But just know that I haven’t forgotten about my current longest running story.

On the topic of NaNoWriMo, I have decided to go forward with my plans to make FLaG my project. After debating on the title for ages, I finally decided to come up with a name, which is “For Love and Glory Relance”. The Relance part comes from the French “la relance”, which means “revival”. Out of all the words I could find, I figured that would fit best—not to mention be roll off the tongue easier than the French translation of Remastered! I still have a few ideas with where I would love to go with this remastered project, and similar to BT, I would love to post this story (once it’s been cleaned up, of course) on the original’s fifth anniversary. What said ideas will be, though, will be hidden until the story is officially posted!

Recently, I’ve been in a huge mood for Punkin’ Puss and Mushmouse content, including a little doodle that I’ve posted on my main blog. I’ve been rereading “Temporary Truce”, and I’m thinking that some time next year, once I finish up Big City Tabby, I want to get started on the sequel of this story, titled “A Hillcat’s Requiem”, as soon as possible! I MAY or may not put up a few rewrites of certain scenes from Temporary Truce just to give you an idea of what to expect from the sequel…not to mention to share my improvement as a writer!

I’m planning on updating my accounts soon (I’ve had the same format for the last year, lol!) to make them look better. Obviously not now, but just expect a few changes starting this week!

That’s all I have to share with you all for now! See you all soon!

#blog update #real life update

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hookedonapirate · 4 years ago

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Through the Rising Tide

Thank you so much for the beautiful graphic @itsfabianadocarmo! See this other beautiful, heartbreaking graphic by @wefoundloveunderthelight here. Thanks so much! Summary: The Jones brothers are polar opposites. Liam's the safe and honorable one, straight-laced and straight as an arrow. The good son. Killian's the dangerous one, the bad boy with tats, leather jackets, a motorcycle and a questionable past. The only things they have in common are panty-melting sea-blue eyes, the flat they share in Storybrooke and a rare blood type. Oh, and apparently their taste in women. Or rather, one woman. Feisty. Blonde. Gorgeous. Green-eyed Goddess. Killian saw her first, but she chose his brother—the nice guy over the playboy. And even though she’s dating his brother, it doesn't make him want her any less. If that's not bad enough, she moves in with them and he has to pretend he's not completely in love with her. His life could not get any worse… Until Liam dies in a tragic motorcycle accident. Leaving each of them with one half of a broken heart. Now Killian and Emma are left helping each other pick up the pieces. Just as they're beginning to learn how to live in their new reality, another riptide pulls them further into the deep end when she finds out she's pregnant with Liam's baby. Notes: Okay, so I've been debating with myself about what happens in this chapter since I started writing this story, because I didn't want Killian to seem like an asshole and like he's just trying to get out of the situation. After doing some research, I think this solution is the best route to take to accomplish that. So please don't come after me lol.

Thank you @ultraluckycatnd for looking it over! This story was inspired by Baby Mine by Kennedy Fox, and I loved the book so much and thought it was very much underrated. I’ve wanted to write a fic like this for a long time now because it’s one of my favorite tropes, but after I read that book, I just had to write my own take. The title comes from the lyrics of the song, Lay By Me by Ruben. The particular line goes like this: "I hope you know through the rising tide That I'll be here and you can lay by my side" If you've never heard it, I recommend giving it a listen. It's an amazing song and very fitting for this story. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFJbLzEtoZw P.S. In case you're unable to read the shoulder tattoo in the picture above and are wondering what it says: "There is no happiness without tears No life without death And no true love without heartbreak" Rated: Explicit for smut (including sexual fantasies, masturbation, implied and detailed sex, etc.) and language (lots of F-bombs). Also available on: AO3 FF.N Catch up: Ch 1 // Ch 2 // Ch 3 // Ch 4 // Ch 5 // Ch 6 // Ch 7 // Ch 8 // Ch 9

Chapter 10

“I’m pregnant.”

Emma’s heart drops into her stomach when she hears the two words that seem to shatter her soul. She knows all too well that two simple words can change a life forever. The most traumatizing moments in her life started with two words.

I’m sorry.

You’re fired.

We’re over.

I cheated.

Marry me.

Liam’s dead.

And now, I’m pregnant.

She knows she has no right to be upset, or hurt, even; she keeps telling herself Killian’s not hers, but a huge part of her wishes he were never with this dreadful woman. And it has nothing to do with jealousy. She just thinks Killian deserves much better than this bitch. Emma may not have always felt this way about him, but she can honestly say he’s not the same man she met a year and a half ago.

“Um…” Killian scratches behind his ear, not exactly sure what to say to Milah. “Congratulations?”

Emma has the urge to laugh but suppresses it. This isn’t something to joke about. It’s certainly not something Milah finds the least bit humorous. Which is understandable.

She’s carrying his baby.

Kilian’s going to be a father.

No, Killian is a father.

The thought makes Emma feel numb inside.

Milah’s jaw is on the floor as she gapes at Killian and plants her hands on her hips. “Congratulations? That’s all you have to say?”

Killian looks at Emma in sheer puzzlement. But she doesn’t know exactly how to feel, other than disappointment and devastation, so she just looks at him in shock. He reverts his attention to Milah and shrugs. “What do you want me to say?”

Milah drops her hands to her sides and sighs dramatically. “Oh, I don’t know. What every father-to-be would say. Like for starters, maybe that you’re ecstatic or that this is the happiest day of your life.”

He furrows his brows, the lines on his forehead deepening. “Why would it be the happiest day of my life?”

It takes everything inside Emma to not give in to the tickle in her throat and dissolve into laughter.

Milah’s eyes almost pop out of her head. “You’re joking, right?”

He doesn’t even crack a smile. “Why would I be joking?”

Growing impatient, she sighs again and rolls her eyes. “Look, I don’t have time for games. I’m tired and cranky and hormonal and I don’t need smart-ass Jones right now. I need to know you’re in this.” She looks at Emma, flashing a deadly scowl and adds, “Just you and me and our baby.”

Killian freezes, his confusion quickly transforming into something else, his face paling and his mouth falling open in shock.

Does he not think the baby is his?

“Wait, what do you mean, our baby?”

Milah laughs hysterically, like Killian just told her the funniest thing in the world. “Wow, I hope you’re just playing dumb because I really don’t have the patience for this right now.”

“But that’s not possible,” he says, his words cracked as he scratches behind his ear. “I...I used protection.”

Milah becomes serious again, her eyes narrowing. “Wait, you’re not messing with me, are you?” She places her hand on her belly. “You really don’t think this is our baby?”

“No, I don’t,” Killian answers matter-of-factly. “I used a condom,” he says again.

Milah raises her voice, throwing the very last shred of patience out the window. “Are you an idiot?! Condoms aren’t one hundred percent effective!”

“I know that,” he says through gritted teeth. “But I checked for leakage after I pulled out.”

“Okay,” Emma squeaks, her voice higher pitched than intended. She feels very awkward listening to this conversation. “Maybe I should just go to my room so you two can talk.” They clearly have some things to discuss.

“That’s a fantastic idea,” Milah remarks in a cynical tone as she glares at Killian.

“And maybe you should put some pants on. This is definitely a pants-on conversation,” Emma laughs.

His cheeks and ears redden as he grabs her hand. “True, but you don’t have to go,” he murmurs.

A slight smile curves across her lips, her heart fluttering as she gives him a small squeeze.

“What the actual fuck, Killian? Why are you doing this?” Milah demands, staring at their joined hands.

His brows furrow in confusion as he releases Emma’s hand. “Doing what?”

“Acting like you’re not the father and then looking at another woman like you look at Emma?”

Emma’s heart skips at Milah’s comment. And she’s right; he looks at her like she’s the most precious thing he’s ever seen. She feels special under his gaze. Desirable, even. And that’s saying something, considering she’s five months pregnant and has never felt so unattractive or fat in her whole goddamn life. Except when Killian looks at her, of course.

“I’m the mother of your child, yet you don’t seem excited or happy, and instead you’re arguing with me about a stupid condom!”

“Milah, I’m telling you, that baby’s not mine.”

“As much as I hate to admit this, but Milah’s right—contraceptives aren’t always effective,” Emma points out, thinking back to when she and Liam were together. “I took birth control religiously until Liam died and I still got knocked up.”

“Okay, but how do you know for sure?” Killian challenges Milah. “Were you with anyone else before or after we…”

“Of course not!” she replies defensively.

But Emma can tell she’s lying because Milah’s looking away and running her hand through her hair like she’s nervous.

“Okay, when was your conception date?”

Milah scratches her head. “Um...November...November nineteenth,” she stammers, obviously trying to remember what day she was with Killian, rather than reiterating what date her doctor would’ve told her based on her menstrual cycle. But the nineteenth was not when she was with Killian, and Emma knows this because the day Milah was with Killian was two days later—the same day Liam died. But again, it could be Milah’s estimated date of conception. Unless she’s lying completely to make Killian think he’s the father. “Look, Killian, I know we both said we weren’t looking for a relationship, but…” She reaches out, taking Killian’s hand in hers. “We can do this. I know we can. You don’t have to be scared.”

He pulls his hand away, his face hard as he stares at her. “Milah, why do you think this baby is mine?”

She furrows her brows in confusion. “What reason would I have for lying to you?”

“Because, perhaps the baby is Gold’s, and you don’t want him to be a part of your life or the baby’s...and you don’t want to do this alone. So pretending I’m the father might seem like the perfect solution.”

“I’m not pretending, Killian. You are the father! So stop trying to excuse yourself from doing the responsible thing and accept your fatherly duties!”

“It’s not an excuse,” he mutters through gritted teeth. “I’ve promised Emma I would help raise her baby. The baby’s not even mine and I’ve accepted the responsibilities of raising my niece or nephew.”

“Yet you can’t accept the responsibility of raising your own child! This is absurd! You’re abandoning your own family for another child who’s not even yours!”

“Milah, do you really think I would turn my back if there was even the slightest chance that baby was mine? If I were the father, I’d accept my responsibilities. I’d take you to the doctor’s appointments and I’d share custody and help out financially, but I’m not the father. And you and I aren’t a family.”

Milah screams in frustration. “If you think you can get out of this by simply paying child support, you’re dead wrong!”

“That’s not what I’m saying. I’d be in the child’s life if I were the father.”

“If? I just said you are the father, Killian.”

He plants his hands on his hips and sighs. “Okay, if you’re so sure, then you should have no problem with a paternity test when the baby is born.”

This seems to make Milah even angrier. “If that’s what it takes for you to want to be a father, then fine! And when it turns out you’re the father, you’re going to feel like shit for wanting to abandon your own child!”

Emma can see Killian clenching his jaw as he glares at Milah.

“And you’ll feel like shit for trying to guilt a man into taking over the responsibility of someone else’s child when it turns out I’m not the father.”

Milah huffs and shoots daggers at Emma. “You should be ashamed of yourself for stealing a father away from his own child and the mother of the child.”

Emma can actually see the anger swarming through Killian, his eyes darkening.

“Emma’s not making me do anything. She lives here, and I want her here. She’s the mother of my dead brother’s baby. My niece or nephew. And I would never turn my back on them. So, you can either accept that or don’t, because I don’t really give a fuck. Now please get the fuck out and don’t show up here unannounced ever again.”

Milah is enraged but doesn’t argue and instead spins around on her heels and dashes out the door. “This isn’t over Killian Jones! You won’t be able to deny your child forever!”

Killian responds by flinging the door behind her, letting it slam shut with a loud thud.

~*~

He’s not sure he’s ever been so pissed in his life. He can’t believe Milah just showed up expecting him to fall to his knees and pretend like they were going to be a happy family. Even if he weren’t already committed to Emma and her baby, he wouldn’t just simply bend to Milah’s will. He kind of feels like an arsehole for flat-out denying the child is his, though. Situations like this are exactly why he had the procedure. It’s also why he uses condoms. But Milah is relentless. He could’ve easily told her it’s impossible for her to have his child, but if, by some minuscule chance, he is the father, he’ll feel like an arsehole. Plus, she probably wouldn’t believe him if he told her, anyway. He just hopes Milah doesn’t try to screw up what he has with Emma.

He can tell Emma’s not too happy about it all because as soon as Milah left, Emma went to the kitchen and started banging pots and pans around, not even saying one word to him.

“Emma? You alright?” he asks in concern as he approaches her cautiously.

She’s aggressively chopping vegetables now, and he’s not sure it’s a good idea to be around an angry pregnant woman with a knife in her hand.

“Can we talk?”

She throws some celery in a bowl and starts chopping some carrots. “What’s there to talk about?” she finally says, still focused on her task.

“How about Milah showing up and announcing she’s pregnant. You’re obviously upset.”

“I’m not upset,” she claims, still not even bothering to look up at him. “You’re not mine, Killian. You’re free to do as you wish, be with who you wish. So what right do I have to be mad?”

He is hers, though. He has been since the moment he laid eyes on her a year and a half ago. If only he could tell her that. “Emma, please...just...can we talk about this?”

She finally stops chopping and sets down the knife with a heavy sigh, turning around to look at him. Her eyes are shining with tears, and it makes his heart crack. “Killian, I don’t want to be the reason you’re not in your child’s life. I don’t know if Liam ever told you, but David’s family adopted me when I was a baby. I never got to know my biological mother or father. And I don’t want your kid to grow up not knowing you because of me.”

“Emma…” His heart clenches at her words. Liam did tell him she was adopted, and that David and his parents always treated her like family. He steps up to her, cupping her cheeks in his hands. Her stunning green eyes meet his blue ones, taking his breath away. “Believe me when I tell you...I’m not the father.”

“But how can you be so sure? A man can get a woman pregnant if the condom breaks, Killian.”

“Aye, but a man can’t get a woman pregnant if he can’t give her his sperm. At least not the natural way.”

Emma jerks her head back, completely blindsided. “What do you mean?” She searches his face for a moment and answers her own question. “You had a vasectomy?”

He nods. “Aye. A couple years ago.”

She steps out of his space to process this, confusion written all over her face…and perhaps disappointment? “But...why...why do you use condoms then?”

“Because, like any birth control, it’s not one hundred percent effective. Plus, I don’t really like to tell people my personal business. I always take precautions even though I had the procedure done. And if I ever felt like the woman should know, like if I were in a relationship or planned to be in one, then of course I would tell them.”

“So, you can never have children? Like ever?”

“Actually, I can. But when and if I choose to. A vasectomy is reversible as long as I don’t wait too long after having the vasectomy. After ten years, a reversal is less likely to be effective.”

“How did I never know this?” she asks, still a little shocked.

He shrugs. “Didn’t think it was necessary to tell anyone. I never even told Liam because I knew he would try to talk me out of it. But I didn’t do it because I’m opposed to having kids, I did it so I didn’t accidentally get someone pregnant. Why change a woman’s life forever after one night of meaningless sex if I don’t have to?”

She snorts, tossing the carrots into a bowl. “Killian Jones is admitting to giving women a forgettable night in the sack and orgasms that aren’t life-changing? Wow, you really have changed,” she teases, peeling and chopping up an onion.

“Hey, I said meaningless, not forgettable.” He smirks and closes the distance between them again, his face only a few inches from hers when she pauses from her task and looks up at him. “Believe me, every orgasm I give is life changing.”

Her breath hitches, and she swallows hard, her eyes locked with his. The air is thick around them, and he can’t help but think about their kiss earlier. He’s still wearing a towel, so it’s probably easy for her to notice he has an erection right now.

He shakes away the thoughts and steps back so he can breathe again and clear his throat. “But life changing doesn’t have to mean giving someone a baby they didn’t ask for or putting them in a position where they have to decide whether to keep the baby. Why put that kind of burden on a woman when I don’t have to? Turns out I can be responsible when I want to be,” he chuckles.

She gives him a small smile. “So, do you want to have kids someday? With the right person, I mean?” she asks curiously.

He nods. “I hope to. The reversal is much more expensive and complicated than the vasectomy itself, but as long as it’s what we both want and after we both have successful examinations to make sure there are no fertility issues, then yes, I’ll have the procedure reversed. But I can promise you, Milah is not that person. I’ll still take the paternity test just to prove it to her, but I know that baby isn’t mine. I think she went back to her ex-husband and didn’t expect to get pregnant after one night.”

“Wow, she has some nerve trying to put the responsibility on you when you’re not even the father.”

“She probably doesn’t realize that, though. She probably actually does think I could be.”

Emma rolls her eyes. “Please, she was lying. I could tell. She knows you’re not the father.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter, because I’m not.”

She arches a brow. “So, why not just tell her you got the vasectomy?”

He cups the back of his neck as he answers her question in the best way he possibly can. It’s not really a conversation he envisioned having with anyone when he had the procedure. He especially never planned on having this discussion with Emma. “She probably wouldn’t believe me if I told her and would probably think I’m just trying to free myself of any obligations or responsibilities. The only way to really prove I had a vasectomy is to have a semen analysis done. Which would show that there is no sperm present in my semen. Without sperm, I can’t get a woman pregnant. But I figure proving to her I’m not the biological father via a paternity test is the only way she’s going to accept it.”

Emma nods in understanding. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I guess I don’t blame her.”

Killian snaps his eyes to hers, surprised she would say that. He also wonders why she would say that.

“If it were me and I thought there was a chance you could be the father of my child instead of my asshole of an ex, I would do everything to prove it, too. Like if Neal had gotten me pregnant before we broke up and then I did end up sleeping with you that night instead of running into Liam, I’d want you to be the father, not him.”

Killian’s cheeks heat up as he flashes a smug grin. “So, you’re saying I’m good daddy material?”

She laughs and gently pats her belly. “Well, I hope so, seeing as we’re going to be raising this baby together.”

He smiles and swipes some stray hairs from her face. “That’s right. We’ll be like family.”

She places her hands on his chest, and he’s hoping she can’t feel his heart beating erratically under her palms. “We are family. Right?”

His heart flutters at her words, and a big smile overtakes his face. “Of course we are.” He stares at her, wanting so badly to grab and kiss her again.

And just when he thinks she might beat him to it, she breaks the trance, her eyes widening as she looks over his shoulder. She hurries to the stove, removing the pot before the water boils over. “Whew, that was a close one.” She sets the pot down and returns to the vegetables she chopped, carefully pouring them into the water. “So, what should I start calling you now? Big Daddy?”

He chuckles and comes up behind her, placing his hand on her shoulder and gently squeezing. “What should I call you? Baby Mama?”

“Oooh, that feels good,” she breathes, tipping her head back, her body melting under his touch.

He smirks and puts his other hand on her opposite shoulder, massaging her gently.

“You can call me whatever you want while you’re doing that.”

“Don’t give me any ideas, love.” This probably isn’t the best idea either but giving Emma even the smallest of pleasures has become his primary goal in life. He’d even reverse the vasectomy to give her a baby if that’s what she wanted. He’d happily do anything for this woman. Which is extremely dangerous. But he doesn’t care. As long as she and the little duckling are happy, that’s all he cares about. And not Milah, or anyone else can change that.

“Oh God, that feels incredible.” She’s making these noises that sound too much like moans as she practically goes limp in his hands.

Fuck.

This was definitely not a good idea.

Rubbing her shoulders and drawing out these wonderful, spine-tingling moans is making him unbearably hard. And if he keeps this up, he’s going to have to take another shower, only this time it’s going to be a long, hot shower and he’s going to pump himself furiously until he comes.

“Thank you, Killian. My shoulders and back have been killing me. Actually, my everything has been killing me,” she laughs.

“Of course, love.” He removes his hands and leans in to kiss her cheek. He wants to tell her he’d be glad to address everything else that’s sore, but he knows that’s a terrible idea. He’s afraid he’d start rubbing other parts of her, and he’s already crossed a line with her. Well, he’s crossed several lines with her already; he doesn’t need to add to the list.

When he backs away, he hadn’t realized how close he was to Emma; he’d been pressed up against her backside, so when he steps back, the towel slips off him and falls to the floor.

She turns around, her eyes falling to his manhood, her face flushing. She claps a hand over her mouth and laughs into her palm.

He quickly bends down to pick up the towel and cocks a brow at her as he secures the towel around his waist. “Love, laughing at a man with his pants down isn’t good for his ego,” he teases.

“I’m sorry, it’s just...every time I turn around your pants are down...literally.” She’s laughing so hard now, she’s almost in tears.

“Har har,” he says sarcastically, his cheeks fuming. “You know, one of these days a tit for tat will be in order.”

“Oh believe me, after I have this baby, I’m sure you’re gonna see a whole lot of my tits while I’m breastfeeding.”

“Well, in that case, you’re getting a lot more tat,” he says, throwing her a wink.

She laughs and rolls her eyes. “Go put some clothes on, Big Daddy.”

“Yes, Baby Mama.”

~*~

“So what was that all about, yesterday?” Mary Margaret asks curiously, sipping her soda through a straw. “You and Killian just go around kissing each other now?” she teases with a cheeky grin.

Emma laughs. “No. Killian asked for my help with Tina when he couldn’t get rid of her, so I pretended to be his fiancé.” She bites into her grilled cheese sandwich and sets it down, using her other hand to toy with the engagement ring hanging from her neck. She feels guilty for using the ring Liam gave her to lie to a stranger and tell her she’s marrying Killian.

“Awe, you’re such a good friend,” Ruby gushes with a big smile, taking a good-sized bite of her burger. “Now, let me ask the most important question,” she mumbles with food in her mouth, “why have you and Big Daddy not knocked boots yet?”

Emma’s cheeks flame as she buries her face in her hands. “God, I never should’ve mentioned that to you guys,” she grumbles into her palms.

“Mention what? The fact you saw his hot, naked dick twice or that you call him Big Daddy?” Ruby singsongs.

“Ugh, both.”

When Emma met Ruby and Mary Margaret here at Granny’s Diner for lunch, since Ruby has the afternoon off from the bar, she had originally planned on telling them about Milah, but surprise, surprise, they already knew. According to Mary Margaret, word on the street is Milah’s pregnant with Killian’s baby and he wants nothing to do with her.

Apparently, Milah made a snarky comment on the photo Mary Margaret posted yesterday. Emma told them half of the rumor was true, but she didn’t tell them Killian had a vasectomy, only that he’s going to take a paternity test. Ruby and Mary Margaret were only surprised this is the first time one of his many conquests got impregnated, or at least came forward about it. Emma refrained from responding to that. Killian’s secret is not hers to tell.

Ruby suggested he and Milah bring it to Maury, but only because she desperately wants to see the look on Milah’s face when she finds out Killian’s not the father. Because they all know it’s very much possible she went back to her husband, even for just a postmarital hookup.

After filling them in on more details about the confrontation with Milah last night, Emma made the mistake of launching into how the rest of the evening went, including how she and Killian gave each other nicknames and how his towel fell to the floor. She didn’t dare mention the hot and heavy kiss that took place in the kitchen before Milah showed up, though. Emma knows she would never hear the end of it if she had mentioned it.

“Would you stop denying you’re head over heels for Big Daddy, already? Do you know how many women would kill to be in your position right now?” Ruby dips a fry in ketchup and shakes her head in disapproval, almost personally offended by Emma’s denial of having any feelings for him. “In fact, women have actually tried murdering each other over that man.” She shoves the fry into her mouth and then licks the ketchup off her fingers as she chews.

Emma lifts her brows in intrigue as she picks up her sandwich again. “Somehow that doesn’t surprise me.” She laughs and bites into her grilled cheese.

“Yeah, jealous bitches are ruthless. A couple years ago, when Killian worked at the bar, some woman was hitting on him when another woman he slept with the night before entered the bar. She witnessed the first woman’s hands all over him and actually marched up to the bar counter and pulled her off him. Then they had a screaming match right there in the middle of the bar, and the bitch who slept with him pulled out a knife and tried stabbing the other chick.”

Emma’s eyes blow wide. “Are you serious?”

Ruby nods. “Yep, I even captured the whole thing on camera and posted it on Facebook. The video went viral.”

“Okay, I have to watch this.” Emma sets her sandwich down and wipes her hands with a napkin as Ruby pulls out her phone, searching for the video. “Where was Liam at the time?”

“He was there, too. Here, you’ll see.” Ruby hands Emma the phone.

She plays the video, both amused and curious as she watches two women—a brunette and a redhead—screaming at each other and calling each other all kinds of colorful names.

The redhead shoved the brunette to the floor, causing other bar patrons to gasp. Completely enraged, the brunette stood up, pulled out the knife and started threatening the other woman with it.

“I will cut you, bitch!”

Emma can’t believe her eyes. It’s like something from the Jerry Springer show.

Cool and collected, Liam intervened, politely asking the brunette to put down the knife. As soon as she did, Liam had the bouncer escort them both out the door, and they were still screaming at each other as they left.

At that point, Emma’s only focused on Liam, who was watching them leave and shaking his head as he turned around and told Ruby to stop recording. Emma tears up from hearing his voice. That British accent and the way his voice always seemed to soothe her. He was so calm yet commanding in just about any situation—always had been.

Liam stepped up to the camera, planting one hand on his hip, pointing a finger at the screen with his other hand and giving Ruby a stern look. “Rubes, you better not post that on Facebook.”

Emma places a hand on her belly, a tear rolling down her cheek as she whispers to her unborn child, “That’s your daddy. Isn’t he handsome?” This happened before they met, but he was just as handsome as she remembers. And watching him makes her want to reach out and touch him. But the fact that she can't makes her heart clench painfully in her chest.

“Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry,” Mary Margaret says to Emma in a soothing tone, pulling Emma’s attention from the video. “I’m so sorry you have to raise your baby without him.”

The screen flipped around, showing a closeup of Ruby grinning from ear to ear. “Oh, I definitely am,” she whispered to the camera.

Emma wipes away her tears as she hands the phone back to Ruby. “At least I have Killian. He’s been so great,” she admits with a sad smile, her vision blurred with more tears.

“I have to give props to Killian,” Ruby comments sincerely as she throws her phone back into her purse. “He has really stepped up to the plate since his brother died.”

“Yes,” Mary Margaret agrees. “Even David said so and that’s saying something coming from him.”

“I just have no idea how you and Killian keep your hands off each other.” Ruby shakes her head before taking a bite and washing it down with Coke.

Emma’s mouth falls open as she stares at Ruby incredulously. “I just lost Liam five months ago. And, in case you forgot, Killian is his brother.”

“Exactly!” Ruby says loudly, drawing the attention of other diners. “In case you forgot, his brother was his best friend. If there’s anyone he would’ve trusted the love of his life with, it’s Killian.”

Emma shakes her head. “No, I disagree. Liam would never have approved of me and Killian. Dead or alive.”

“Honey...” Mary Margaret reaches over the table and takes Emma’s hand in hers. “Liam would want you to be happy,” she says in a motherly tone.

“Well, yes, but so soon after his death? And with his brother?”

“Why not? He wouldn’t want you to be miserable. Especially since you’re pregnant. That kind of stress is not good for the baby.”

“I know, but I can’t just snap my fingers and make the pain disappear. I loved Liam and I don’t want to just move on and forget him.”

“You don’t have to, Emma. It is possible to love more than one person at a time. Loving someone else doesn’t have to change how you feel about Liam. Believe me, if something ever happened to me, I wouldn’t want David to be alone and miserable. I’d want him to find love again.” Mary Margaret tilts her head and purses her lips, considering her words. “I mean, I’d probably want him to mourn over my death for at least a year first, but after that, I’d want him to be with someone who could make him happy. He wouldn’t be as happy with someone else as he is with me, of course, but at least he’d be happy.”

Emma laughs at her sister-in-law and shakes her head. “Okay, but if you had a sister, would you be okay if David started seeing her after your death?”

“Well no, but what could I do? I’d be dead,” she says, taking a bite of her chicken sandwich.

“But what would other people think? This is a small town, and we all know people talk. I mean, everyone in Storybrooke already knows Milah’s pregnant and thinks Killian’s an asshole for abandoning a baby. Hell, people five towns over have probably heard by now.”

Ruby snort-laughs. “Sweetie, every woman in Storybrooke already thinks Killian’s an asshole. But screw what people think. This is your life and your child’s life. You have to do what’s right for you and that baby.”

“That’s right,” Mary Margaret nods. “Screw what everyone else thinks. You deserve to be happy again. You deserve to find love again and you deserve to give someone else love. All you have to do is allow yourself to love again.”

Emma offers a small smile and places her hand on her belly. “I do love someone else. I love this baby. And he or she is all I need right now.” As she says the words out loud, her heart squeezes painfully in her chest. She knows deep down that’s not entirely true. She has no idea what she’d do without Killian. As much as she hates to admit it, he’s helped her survive the past five months. They’ve helped each other survive. “Besides, even if I did fall for Killian, why would it matter? It’s not like he’d feel the same.”

Mary Margaret and Ruby exchange a glance and then look back at her again.

“So, I hate to break this to you,” Mary Margaret begins delicately as she joins her hands on the table, “but that man is totally and completely in love with you.”

Emma laughs, taking a sip of her water, not believing one word that just came out of her sister-in-law’s mouth. “That’s a good one, M.M.”

“I’m serious, Emma. Do you not notice the way Killian looks at you? I bet you, he’s been in love with you this entire time.”

Emma chokes on her water and wipes her mouth, her eyes widening in disbelief. “What are you talking about? Killian hated me before Liam died.”

“Yeah, I’m sure that’s what he wanted you to believe,” Ruby says. “Turns out men are much more complicated than us women think.”

Emma narrows her eyes. “What are you talking about? Why would he pretend to hate me?”

“Because you were his brother’s girlfriend. Then his fiancé. Killian may have been a lot of things—he was an asshole to many people—but he never would’ve stabbed his brother in the back. He never would’ve purposely hurt Liam like that. Why do you think he suddenly flipped a switch after Liam died? He wanted to be there for you, instead of putting you through hell like he used to. He wanted to take care of you and make sure you were okay. That would’ve been hard to do if he were still pretending to hate you.”

Emma blinks as she tries to process this. Could it be true? Has Killian loved her this entire time? But that’s absurd. “Wait, so you’re saying Killian was like that kid in kindergarten who pulled on my pigtails because he actually liked me?”

“Kind of, except he doesn’t just like you. He loves you. And he wasn’t pretending to hate you because he was shy. He was pretending because it was easier if you hated him, too.”

Emma ponders Ruby’s words, thinks back to all the times Killian was a dick to her and wonders if it were true. Did Killian do all those things because he actually loved her and didn’t want to hurt his brother? But why torture himself and stay at the apartment the three of them shared if he really loved her? Why put himself through that? “But how do you guys know this?”

Mary Margaret’s lips curve into a small smile. “Honey, do you remember when you first saw Killian at the bar? And when you went up to talk to him even though I highly suggested against it?”

“Yeah, I remember. So?”

“Soooo?” Ruby says, aghast. “Look, I’ve seen Killian gawk at and flirt with a lot of women who walked into that bar. And I mean A LOT. But when I saw you and Killian talking that night...I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looked at you. Do you remember when you came to visit Liam at the bar for the first time after you two finally told everyone you were seeing each other?”

Emma nods. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Well, you obviously didn’t notice because you were too distracted by Liam, but Killian was working that night.” Ruby blows out a breath and shakes her head. “Man, he looked at you like his dog just died.”

“Killian doesn’t have a dog,” Emma points out.

“Exactly. He wasn’t devastated by a dead dog, Emma. He was devastated because he knew you could never be his. Seeing you with his brother was probably a hard pill to swallow.”

Emma laughs and picks up an onion ring, dunking it in ranch. “He wasn't devastated. Believe me, I was the last thing on his mind. He met some woman at the bar and brought her home that night,” she says, taking a bite out of the onion ring. She could tell he was upset the morning he found out she was with his brother, but she had chalked up his reaction to disappointment. He was disappointed she couldn't be another notch on his bedpost. She'd hardly call that devastation. But that was the Killian she knew back then. Before she had grown to care for him. Before he'd grown to care for her.

Ruby’s eyes widen. “Um, yeah, to try and get over you. Or to distract himself.”

Emma shakes her head. “That’s ridiculous. He was not in love with me, nor is he.”

Is he?

Ruby shrugs. “Maybe, maybe not. But there’s only one way to find out for sure. You could ask him.”

“What difference would it make? Even if he is in love with me, I’m in no place to return those feelings.”

Ruby and Mary Margaret obviously don’t believe her, but they return to eating their food rather than trying to argue any further.

Emma knows they think she’s living in complete and utter denial, and maybe she is. But until she knows for sure the feelings she has for Killian are real and not just her pregnancy hormones speaking, and until she knows he won’t go back to his old ways of picking up a different chick every night, she’s sticking with her new vibrator for now.

@stahlop @wefoundloveunderthelight @citygirlscowboy @piratesbooty63fan @ultraluckycatnd @itsfabianadocarmo @resident-of-storybrooke @snowbellewells @onceuponaprincessworld @tiganasummertree @viajandosinalas@teamhook @captainswan-shipper88 @jamif @katielovesstarcrossedlovers @uhthreeyuh @lfh1226-linda @babyyouremyqueen @sthonour @julesep3026 @fairytalewhispersinmyheart @andiirivera @wefoundloveunderthelight @wickedsw4n @eleveneitherway @eherron14 @ouatpost @transparentclodsludgeweasel

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#cs ff #through the rising tide #my fic #captain swan

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whenisitenoughtrees · 4 years ago

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Congrats on 500 followers!!!!! Your writing is amazing and you totally deserve it! Would you be able to do “Can you please stop biting your lip…it’s distracting.” for analogical? If you don’t get inspo for it that’s totally fine I’m just on a total analogical kick recently lol

@wisherbystarlight thank you!! i absolutely love analogical so here you go

Title: abject impermanence

Word Count: 3,570

Content Warnings: implied suicidal ideation (in reference to virgil ducking out), negative self image

(fic masterpost)

Virgil would rather die than admit this to anybody, but he develops a crush on Logan after their first debate.

It’s ridiculous, and bothersome, and stupidly humiliating, and he has to spend a few days in his room before he feels prepared enough to face anyone again, prepared enough to put up his usual walls and throw around his usual sarcastic comments, and all the while, his heart is beating far too fast, his mind racing, insisting that he’s being obvious, that everyone knows.

(That is what being Anxiety means: he is under a microscope all the time, his every movement watched and analyzed and derided, alone in a crowd of people who wish him nothing but ill.)

It’s awful, really. Is he truly so pathetic that the first time someone treats him like his opinions are valid, he falls head over heels for them? Because he has to admit, that’s the root of all of this. The debate, and the fact that even though Logan didn’t agree with him, he still treated him with respect, like he was someone worth listening to, and none of the light sides have ever acted like that before.

And they’ve certainly never told him that they don’t mind his company.

So. He has a crush on Logan. And it takes him a few weeks to calm down enough to really think about it, but when he does, he decides that nothing has to change. It’s not like he’ll ever work up the courage to act on these feelings

(because holy shit, how badly would that go? He can picture it now: Logan sneering at him, Logan rejecting him, Logan informing him that he would never in a million years have feelings for someone so irrational and useless, and while Virgil is at it, would he kindly remove himself from his presence and never come back and— well. Maybe Virgil is irrational, but he can’t bring himself to risk something like that)

so the only thing to do with them is pretend they’re not there, right? He’ll keep all of his emotions right here, in his chest, and then one day, he’ll die, and no one else has to know a thing about it.

He doesn’t see what could possibly go wrong with this plan. Which is odd for him because usually, he can only see the things that could go wrong. But the only factor in this plan is him, and his own ability to disguise his feelings, and he’s been successfully doing that for a very long time.

(After all, it’s been years, and none of the others have managed to figure out how much their rejection hurts him, how deeply it strikes at the heart he pretends not to have.)

But he doesn’t anticipate things changing. He doesn’t anticipate trying to duck out, at least, not until the moments in between making the decision and actually going through with it, and he doesn’t anticipate anybody coming after him. He certainly doesn’t anticipate their reactions, doesn’t anticipate being told that he’s important,

(because since fucking when?)

and doesn’t anticipate their acceptance.

He doesn’t anticipate telling them his name.

And alright, maybe he could deal with all of this. Maybe he could ease his way into being one of them, edge his way into their inner circle. It’s something he once would have thought impossible, but now, they seem determined to make him one of them, to bring him into their family, and even though part of him wonders whether they’re just trying to make sure he doesn’t duck out again, doesn’t hurt Thomas, a larger part of him is ecstatic about the fact that they’re including him at all. Maybe he can let himself have this, for once.

But that night, Logan comes to his room.

“Do you have a moment to talk?” he asks, and reluctantly, Virgil takes off his headphones.

Because, yes. Of course. He’s hardly busy, and even if he were, he’s certain he’d figure out a way to put it aside in favor of Logan, because really, he’s helpless to do anything else.

“Yeah, sure,” he says, aiming for casual. He thinks he makes it, if only because he is very practiced in hiding how much of a mess he is internally. “What’s up?”

Logan looks uncomfortable, a bit shifty, even though he hasn’t been in his room nearly long enough for its effects to take hold.

“I merely wanted to check in with you after today’s events,” he says, and then pauses, biting his lip, something that Virgil finds incredibly distracting. “Specifically, to ensure that you are alright.”

He blinks. “Of course I’m alright,” he says. “Why wouldn’t I be alright?”

“Well, I was considering everything that happened, and it occurred to me that we glossed over precisely what ‘ducking out’ would have done to you in the long term.” In an oddly vehement motion, Logan shoves his glasses further up his nose. And Virgil knows very well that as the embodiment of Logic, Logan tries not to display his stronger emotions, but right now, he is the perfect picture of distress. “I find it likely that if Thomas had been unable to utilize you for an extended amount of time, you may have… disappeared, for lack of a better word, not unlike a muscle that atrophies after disuse.”

Well, yes. He knew what he was risking. But he’d felt low enough that he didn’t particularly care about himself.

He was just tired of hurting Thomas.

(And maybe, just maybe, if there was a part of him, small and insidious in the back of his brain, that found the prospect of nothingness appealing, he’ll keep that to himself.)

“I mean, yeah,” he says. “But that didn’t happen. You guys came and got me, and I’m okay now. Not gonna do anything like that again, I swear.”

“That’s not my point,” Logan says, even more upset entering his voice. He crosses his arms, holding his shoulders tensely. “No matter how illogical it might seem, I find myself wondering what might have happened had we not attempted to reach you in time, and the idea is… displeasing.”

Oh.

Despite himself, Virgil’s heart flutters.

“So, I arrived at the conclusion that assuring myself of your continued well-being would help to assuage my concern.” Logan fidgets. “As well as the fact that… I want you to be alright. For yourself, and not just because I am…”

“Anxious?” Virgil can’t resist finishing, even as he feels his face flushing underneath his foundation. God, he hopes Logan doesn’t pick up on that. He shouldn’t be reacting this strongly to something as simple as basic worry, especially after the day they all had, but to know that Logan has been thinking about him? That Logan doesn’t like the idea of him not being around, doesn’t want him to vanish?

That Logan cares enough to come check on him like this?

It’s a strong, heady feeling, and Virgil has the sneaking suspicion that his crush has just upgraded itself.

“Yes,” Logan answers, and he seems a bit embarrassed, but he holds his ground, staring Virgil straight (gay) in the eyes. The direct eye contact is intense, almost too much for him to handle, but Virgil finds himself unable to look away.

“Well, uh, I appreciate it, I guess,” he manages. “Really, it’s nice to know that you care.”

“Of course,” Logan says, and seems almost indignant at the idea that he might not. “I value our discussions,” he adds, and Virgil has to pretend that that statement doesn’t almost give him a heart attack.

But that is mostly the end of that conversation, because really, neither of them is very good with touchy-feely emotions. Logan sinks back out shortly after, and Virgil is left alone in his room, his headphones lying uselessly on his lap as his mind reviews their exchange over and over again, searching for all the places where it might have gone wrong, or where he might have messed up. He can’t really find any, and that is a realization in and of itself, almost enough to distract him from the bigger one, the one that looms over him.

It’s not just a crush anymore. He could try to deny it, but he thinks that would summon unwanted attention. So he accepts it, accepts that he is… he’d say infatuated, but infatuated isn’t the right word. Infatuated doesn’t even begin to cover what he feels when he looks at Logan, doesn’t cover the way his heart races and his words trip over themselves and the way he longs for his approval. It doesn’t cover the way he knows so many little details about him, like the way Logan pushes at his glasses or fiddles with his tie when he’s nervous or upset, or the exact way his lips curl around the edges when he’s pleased and trying not to show it. So many little details, none of which would be on his radar at all if he wasn’t—

Well. He won’t deny it. But he doesn’t particularly see the need to voice it, either.

After all, it’s not like it changes anything. Or at least, it shouldn’t. He wasn’t planning on sharing his feelings when they were a simple crush, and he’s certainly not going to share them now that there’s more.

Except, nothing is ever that simple,

(Nothing ever can be, with him. It’s what he does best, turning easy things into overcomplicated messes because he can’t let go of all the what ifs—)

because suddenly, he’s welcome to spend time with the others. Is welcome at their table, is welcome in the commons, is welcome to join their movie nights and their game nights, and most of the time, he even feels mostly okay with doing so, because Patton is enthusiastic in his invitations, and he can tell that even Roman is honestly trying. And sometimes, it makes him want to cry, because this is all he’s ever wanted, to be one of them, and now he can and it’s almost too much.

The only problem with that is that he’s spending a lot more time around Logan.

Which is fine. Great, even.

Except, sometimes, Logan will do things. Little things, inconsequential things, but things that remind Virgil all too clearly of the feelings he keeps nestled under his heart.

For instance, Logan bites his lip a lot. When he’s working, when he’s watching movies, when he’s listening to the others, and sometimes for no reason at all. It’s a stupid thing to get caught up on, but he can’t help himself. And it’s not as if Virgil’s attraction to him begins or ends with the physical, but—

Whenever he does it, Virgil can’t stop his eyes from zeroing in on his lips. Can’t stop himself from thinking about how much he would like to kiss him.

He would like to kiss him a whole lot. And he’s fairly sure he’s being pretty obvious about it, but he can’t bring himself to stop.

So, really, he should have prepared himself for the possibility of being found out. Under any other circumstance, he would have, but there’s a saying, he thinks, about love and fools.

“Can I help you with something?” Logan says, and Virgil flinches violently, the rest of the world coming back into focus. He snaps his gaze up to meet Logan’s eyes, and the expression on his face might be amusement, maybe, but it could also be annoyance, and in fact, it’s probably definitely annoyance, because actually Logan is annoyed with Virgil and maybe even angry and now their budding friendship is completely ruined and all because Virgil doesn’t know better than to stare when he really shouldn’t be staring and—

No, stop. Stop. He’s not going to do that, not right now. He wrests his thoughts back under control with an effort.

Logan was working, typing away on his laptop, biting his lip as he concentrated. And Virgil just so happened to be out in the commons as well, in the perfect position to watch him and daydream, just a bit.

He needs to reply. He’s left it too long, and Logan’s eyebrows are inching up his face as he awaits a response. And the longer he takes to come up with something, the more suspicious Logan will be, so he should just shrug, mutter a denial, and pointedly turn his attention away. Something like that.

But it’s his job to make snap decisions under pressure. And sometimes those decisions aren’t the right ones.

So instead of taking another second to think things through and deflect Logan’s interest, his mouth opens ahead of his brain and says, “Can you please stop biting your lip?”

Logan stares. Virgil feels himself wilting.

“… It’s distracting,” he finishes weakly, and prays for the ground to swallow him whole. He can’t even manage to sink out

(because his mind is screaming at him now, screaming horrified recriminations, screaming all of the worst case scenarios, and it’s taking all of his concentration to breathe properly, much less get out of here)

because the sheer force of his embarrassment is leaving him paralyzed, curled up in his chair and with nowhere to go, nowhere to escape Logan’s widening eyes.

“Is it now,” Logan says, and he doesn’t sound particularly angry, but Virgil could very easily be wrong. Or, he could be angry and trying to hide it. Or maybe he’s not angry, but irritation would probably be just as bad, at this point.

“Sorry,” he mutters, hunching in on himself. “Nevermind, forget I said anything.”

“Virgil, you’re magnifying,” Logan says softly, and that softness is worse than any anger could be, because what if he’s figured it out? What if he pities him? Virgil would take just about anything over pity. “Whatever you think you just said, I assure you that it didn’t come off nearly as badly as you seem to believe.” He pauses, tilting his head. “Though, I can’t say I’m certain of what you meant, considering—”

He cuts off suddenly, and Virgil can practically see the cogs turning in his head. He should leave now, leave before Logan draws his conclusions, but he is frozen, powerless to do anything but let this train wreck happen in real time.

“I wouldn’t ordinarily consider biting my lip to be a disruptive habit,” Logan says slowly. “It makes no noise and does no one any harm, and it’s not something I would think affects anyone else. But you were staring, which means there is something about the habit that draws your attention. I can only think of a few reasons for that.”

He takes it back. Pity would be far better than this, than this slow and measured reasoning, drawing out all of Virgil’s best-kept secrets, spiraling toward a conclusion that he never wanted anyone to know, much less Logan himself.

Perhaps that is why he says what he says. Because with this, Logan is only prolonging the inevitable, and it’s torture.

It’s like a band-aid. The biggest band-aid ever, maybe, covering one of the worst wounds of his life, but a band-aid. And it’s coming off one way or another, so he might as well rip it off now and brace himself for the sting.

“Oh my god,” he says. “It makes me want to kiss you. That’s why it’s distracting. And I’m just gonna go die in a hole now, if that’s alright.”

His face is burning, mortification rising up in him like a tidal wave, threatening to swamp him. This is, possibly, the worst thing that has ever happened to him, ever.

(It’s not, of course, because anything and everything is better than it was before he was accepted, when he was on his own and so lonely and bitter all the time. But this comes close, he thinks. It’s a different kind of hurt altogether, but a hurt nonetheless.)

Logan sets his laptop down, giving him his full attention. For a moment, he is completely silent, and Virgil prepares himself to stand and sink out and into his room, where he will spend the next few weeks huddled under the covers on his bed with his headphones on blast, hating his life and himself for being such an idiot, because here he is, ruining one of the best friendships that he has ever known, and for what? Because he was too much of a moron to keep himself from staring, from forcing his unwanted attentions upon the one side who was more likely than any of the others to notice what he was doing? It’s pathetic, and stupid, and he knows it, and Logan knows it, and—

“I don’t see why you need to do that,” Logan says. His voice shakes, just slightly. “You could kiss me, if you wanted.”

Virgil stills. He can’t have heard that right.

Logan clears his throat. “That is to say, I would enjoy it, if you kissed me. If I’d realized you were interested, I would have broached the topic sooner.”

Hysterical laughter threatens to escape him, his brain dissolving into static, because what? And he knows he needs to say something, needs to respond, but his vocal cords refuse to work, so he’s left sitting there, staring, stricken dumb.

Logan glances away, something like uncertainty crossing his face. “I apologize,” he murmurs. “I’m not doing this right, am I?”

And that is what finally spurs Virgil to action, because Logan sounds so terribly dejected, and that is absolutely not allowed. Not when it’s Virgil that’s made such a mess of things, when none of it is Logan’s fault at all.

“Do you mean it?” he croaks.

Logan blinks, his expression clearing, and then landing on comprehension. His face softens, his eyes crinkling at the corners as he stands, crossing the floor and kneeling in front of where Virgil sits.

“Of course I do,” he says, and then reaches out with one hand, cupping Virgil’s cheek. Virgil’s breath catches, the contact shooting lightning across his face and down his spine. His heart starts beating faster, and he doesn’t know whether it’s fear or anticipation or some mixture of the two. Most of him still hasn’t processed that this is happening, hasn’t made the jump from Logan can never know about my feelings because he’ll reject me and then I’ll have no choice but to jump off a cliff to Logan knows about my feelings and he is doing the exact opposite of rejecting me hoooooly shit what do I do—

“I think about you often,” Logan says. “Ever since our first debate, if I’m being completely honest.”

Virgil blinks.

The laugh escapes him, then, but there’s not much hysteria in it. It’s something warm, now, something bright and colorful and blooming as he realizes just how much of an idiot he’s been, as his anxiety slowly begins to fade away,

(not completely, never completely, because he is who he is and that will never change, and his mind is already looking to the future, at all the fresh new opportunities he is going to have to screw this up, but for now, in this moment, he has Logan here in front of him, offering to kiss him, telling him that his feelings aren’t as one-sided as he convinced himself they had to be, and it’s very difficult to be negative at all, in the face of such a beautiful thing as this, as him)

morphing into something that he is tentatively willing to call hope.

“Yeah?” he says. “Me too.”

Before he can lose his nerve, he shifts position, leans down, and kisses Logan. Lightly, briefly, and it’s really more of a peck than anything else, but in the split second in which their lips meet, Virgil can feel just how soft Logan’s are, and when he pulls back, anxiously searching for a reaction, Logan’s cheeks are dusted with red.

“Yes, um,” Logan says. “That was… good. Would you like to do it again?”

A wave of fondness washes over him, and he lets it drag him away.

“You dork,” he says, and pecks him on the lips again. He doesn’t yet have to courage to try for more, but he thinks that might come with time. If he is allowed time, if he is allowed this, and he is not prone to optimism, but for once, he might be willing to give it a go.

Optimism, and whatever this is, new and exciting and budding between them. And there is a part of his mind that is screaming at him, insisting that he’s only going to hurt Logan or get hurt himself, and that no brief happiness could ever be worth that, but—

Logan’s lips are gentle and soft, and Logan is smiling at him, and that, he thinks, might be worth the world.

(“I would be extremely displeased if you died in a hole,” Logan informs him a bit later. “Please refrain from doing so.”

He agrees, if only because of that fact that if he died in a hole, he would never get to kiss Logan ever again. And now that he’s started, he doesn’t ever want to stop.

He is not one to believe in permanence. Or in happy endings. But just this once, he’ll try it, and trust that Logan will catch him if he falls.)

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#analogical #virgil sanders #ts virgil #logan sanders #ts logan #my fic #long post #cat does prompts #wisherbystarlight

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