#time spent on getting my own likeness? 5 mins. time spent making sure i got my tattoos scars and jewellery right? significantly more

[isbergillustration]

I got covid for the first time and I'm being so brave and un-dramatic about it

[redrose10]

Chapter 14! Honestly I didn’t expect this go past 4 or 5 chapters in total so this is crazy, but I really appreciate all the feedback and love that I’ve received. I think this chapter and the next one are going to be quite the roller coaster ride.

Yoongi X Female Reader. CEO/Arranged Marriage AU

Summary: You were selected to marry the wayward CEO/Billionaire/Heir, Min Yoongi. You went into it with an open mind and heart determined to try and make it work. Yoongi on the other hand had no intention of ever letting you in let alone allowing himself to fall in love with you. Slowly you start to associate the smell of cinnamon and vanilla with the feelings of hurt and sorrow.

Word count: 2,018

Warnings: (May get updated as chapters progress): Arranged marriage, cheating/infidelity, hints of smut (Probably won’t get very explicit but we’ll see how it goes), Sexual Assault, Brief mentions of death, Reader grew up an orphan, General Angst, Swearing

Tag list: @gimeow @kam9404 @viankiss @baechugff @gaby-93 @kayleefriedchicken @igot7fairlyoddparents @jalexad @drrookie

“Alright, I just texted Suri to let her know that I told you about the baby and that you’re really upset and trying to leave. I asked if she wanted to come over and talk this through. She said she’s on her way.”, Yoongi said taking a seat next to you. You were still nervous about this whole thing. Even though the previous week had been spent doing everything to prepare. Making sure everyone’s stories matched up. Woo-Sung came over for dinner and he was even more handsome and charming in person which made Yoongi turn into a jealous rude jerk causing a small argument, but the two of you recovered quickly. Your bags were already packed and hiding out in your room. All you had to do was put your acting skills to the test when Suri got there and make it believable.

Yoongi noticed that you were still uncertain about the whole situation by the way you kept twisting your wedding ring around your finger. A nervous habit of yours that he had picked up. Gently he placed a hand on your thigh giving it a light squeeze.

“Text me when you get to Jimins and call me if you need anything at any point. I’ll keep you updated too.”

You nodded in acceptance, “I will Yoongi. I just hope everything goes smoothly.”

“We’ll make it wor-“

There was a knock at the door that interrupted you both.

He looked over at you with a sly smile, “Show time.”

He gave you a quick kiss before jogging over to the door. You ran off to your room to wait for Yoongi to join you. It had only been seconds, but already felt like hours.

Yoongi swung open the front door greeted by a smug Suri sipping on an Iced Americano.

“Glad to see you finally came to your senses.”, she said letting herself in.

Yoongi rolled his eyes closing the door behind her.

“Should you really be drinking coffee like that right now?”

“The doctor said a cup a day is fine. You’d know that if you bothered to show up at all for our baby.”

He had to take a deep breath and remind himself to stay calm before he snapped and ruined everything.

“So where is the little boyfriend stealer? Did she leave already? I definitely want to turn her room into the nursery.”

Yoongi couldn’t believe just how delusional Suri had become. He almost felt bad for her.

“She’s still packing some of her stuff.”, he responded.

��Good. I want her out of my house.”

“Alright Suri. That’s enough now. Let’s just relax.”

While she made herself something to eat Yoongi paced back and forth a little trying to calm his own nerves. He had been trying to put on an act for you, but deep down he was nervous himself. There was a lot riding on this and he knew how dangerous Suri could be.

“I’m gonna go check on Y/N.”, he said watching as Suri already made herself comfortable. Once he entered your room he felt a sense of relief when he saw you sitting on the bed.

“Ready?”, he whispered. You nodded.

He chuckled before taking a big breath and shouting, “Y/N, can we just stop and talk about this?”

“No Yoongi we can’t. You got another woman pregnant. Do you know how embarrassing that is for me?”

“I do know Y/N. I am so sorry. Just please let me try and fix this.”

“There’s no way to fix this. You have done nothing but hurt me since the day we met when all I wanted to do was to try and love you and make this work between us. Do you know how that has affected me? What that’s done to me? How many nights I was alone and I cried myself to sleep listening to you fuck other women? And now one of them is pregnant on top of it. From now on I am merely your date for the evening when it’s required of me. That’s all. I hate you Min Yoongi.”

When you were finished you were slightly out of breath and felt a burning sensation in your eyes as your vision blurred from the tears that were forming. At that moment you realized that maybe you weren’t acting so much after all. Yoongi seemed to realize too as he grabbed your hand and pulled you close to him wrapping his arms around you and burying his face in the crook of your neck. He squeezed you so tight you had a hard time catching your breath. “I’m so sorry Y/N. It will never happen again. I swear on everything that I will never intentionally hurt you again.”, he whispered in your ear.

When you pulled away he wiped away your tears before handing you the small bags you had already packed and opened the bedroom door for you giving you a kiss.

“Call me later.”, he mouthed.

“Go fuck yourself Yoongi.”, you yelled followed by a smirk that turned to a silent giggle watching him act dramatically hurt by your words.

Slamming the door you stormed off towards the entrance way not even paying Suri any attention, afraid that you might blow it all and laugh if you looked at her.

Once in the hallway you took a moment to catch your breath and compose yourself. You were quite proud of your little performance and it felt great to finally get some of that aggression out.

You texted Yoongi once you got to Jimins to let him know you were safe and to ask how everything went once you left. According to him Suri believed everything and was beyond happy you were out of the picture.

The following week should’ve been relaxing in theory, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. Yoongi called you every day and even snuck over to see you after work a couple times. He reassured you nothing had happened with Suri and he had managed to convince her to sleep in the other room without much of a fight. She seemed to just be basking in the glory of thinking she finally won. You also had the bonus of spending a lot of extra time with Jimin, the two of you spent most nights up late watching tv and snacking on various goodies while partaking in the occasional gossip.

Your worries came to the forefront of your mind on Friday and everything quickly came crashing down around you. It was the day before you and Woo-Sung were supposed to head over to Yoongi’s to get some more of your things. Jimin had headed to the office pretty early that day and you hadn’t heard from Yoongi yet so you spent the day alone.

While laying in bed you could hear your phone ringing from its spot on the table where it was charging. Really you wanted to just ignore it and let it go to voicemail, but then you got worried something could be wrong. Walking over you saw a familiar name flashing on the screen.

Mrs. Chan lived next door to you and Yoongi. She was a tiresome older woman who had more time on her hands than she knew what to do with which led to constant complaints on her part. Always little things that most people wouldn’t even notice. You once heard from the security guard that she complained to the manager of the apartment complex where you all lived that she didn’t like the color of the red lettering on the exit signs around the building. They were too bright and she demanded a more muted red be installed. It still makes you laugh thinking about it. The only reason she even had your number was because you watched her dog one time while she went on vacation a few months ago. Something you’ve regretted ever since. You weren’t really in the mood for her, but once again your anxiety got the best of you and you answered the call to make sure nothing bad happened back home.

“Hello Mrs. Chan. How are you doing?”

“Oh well I’d be a lot better if I didn’t have to walk past your husband and his mistress all over each other like a couple of horny teenagers out in the hallway of our apartment building.”

Your mouth went so dry you didn’t think you’d be able to breathe.

“Honestly dear, I don’t know why you let him act like that. You know if that was my husband, I’d put itching powder in every single pair of underwear he owned.”

Your brain was still having a hard time even forming words.

“Y/N, are you there?”

“Y- Yes Mrs.Chan. I’m sorry about that. Are you sure it was Yoongi.”

“Certain of it. I just saw him about ten minutes ago when I was coming back from visiting my daughter. He had his lips all over her, but I could recognize him. I could smell that cologne he always wears. You know, that cinnamon and vanilla smell. He was with that woman. You know long brown hair. Pale skin. I’ve seen her around many times. Looks like she’s starting to get a little bit of baby bump too. That’s definitely not a good look Y/N.”

The walls felt like they were closing in around you. It certainly sounded like she was describing Suri and who else would she be with other than Yoongi. You wanted to cry. You wanted to scream. You thought you were going to be sick. After all the begging and pleading and promising he did, he still went ahead and broke your trust and it didn’t even take a full week. For all you knew he probably slept with her the night you left for Jimins.

“Alright dear, well I have to get going. Just make sure you say something to your husband or next time I’m gonna get out the spray bottle.”

“Yes Mrs. Chan. Thank you for calling me.”

With shaking fingers you placed your phone back down in its place.

Biting your lip you chuckled to yourself while you replayed in your head what you just heard.

That was the very last straw. You no longer felt like just relaxing in bed. You don’t want to just sit here and cry and feel sorry for yourself. Jumping in the shower you scrubbed at your skin, shaved, and lotioned up. You put on some make up and added a few light curls to your hair. Then you started digging around through the hall closet where you knew Jimin stored various articles of clothing left behind by old girlfriends and one night stands. You hoped you could find something decent in your size since you only packed your comfy clothes and needed an outfit that was more risqué to go along with what you had planned. Thankfully you found a skin tight black silk dress and a pair of strappy heels. They were a size too big, but you’d have to make it work. Taking a final glance in the mirror you were happy with your work. You took off the large diamond ring that you’d been wearing since Yoongi gave it to you at the start of your marriage and placed it down on the dresser not wanting that reminder to follow you right now. You started walking towards the door and while you took the steps you pulled up your contact list on your phone scrolling for the name you were looking for, the one person who had really been getting under Yoongi’s skin recently.

Once you found it and clicked dial it only took a few rings for a familiar voice to answer.

Putting on your best fake smile you reached for the door handle while putting your plan in motion.

“Hey Woo-Sung, it’s Y/N. I was wondering if you were free tonight. Maybe we could hang out and get to know each other a little better. I could come over to your place if you’d like. Yoongi doesn’t have to know.”

[seiya-starsniper]

✨💖Positivity chain! List 5 to 10 things that make you smile and explain why! Then send this to others to let them know they make you smile✨💖

Oooooooo this sounds so delightful Cecil, thank you for the ask! 💖

Baths - I love taking baths when I've either had a long day at work or right after a really intense workout. It really just drains all the stress away, and I make sure to sit with no phone, only thoughts! It empties the head out great. I have just come from a bath can you tell LOL

Audiobooks - I spent a very long time thinking audiobooks and podcasts were silly, but then when I bought my house I suddenly had a real commute to work (previously I lived less than 15 mins away, now I am 45 mins away boo). So podcasts and audiobooks have become the little treat I get to enjoy on my way to/from work. Audiobooks in particular got me back into reading books, and it has been wonderful.

Coffee - This is pretty self explanatory. Coffee, my beloved hot drink that gets me through the day when my meds aren't quite enough. I also just like the taste of coffee and having coffee dates with friends!

Tea - I know, I know, another beverage, but my love for tea and coffee are different things! Tea is how I inspire myself to write, how I relax before bed, and how I give myself a gentle wake up on a lazy Sunday when there's nothing to do. Also, my beloved @lyriclorelei sends me a tea advent calendar every year and I ADORE it. Such a fun way to try new teas that the bestie loves! <3

Soup - I have now made my love of liquids terribly clear at this point LMAO. But soup is my go to meal, it is filling, you can add as much or as little as you want to soup, and best of all, soup is just comforting. There are always 5 different kinds of soups in my house at any given time.

The Pokemon Trading Card Mobile Game - I am a simple person with simple needs, and the brain is heavily stimulated by opening booster packs with fun little cards inside them. Getting that little ping every 12 hours or so where I can open up a new pack of cards absolutely delights me.

Peppermint Flavor - I do not know how prevalent this is outside the U.S, but now that it is Christmas Season, candy cane and peppermint flavored chocolates are EVERYWHERE. I am in my happy place. I love peppermint yogurt covered pretzels, peppermint hot cocoa, peppermint flavored coffee, give me ALL OF IT.

My wood fire stove - it is COLD over in my part of the world currently, and I love being able to burn a fire every night if I so desire. I am probably going to start a fire right after I finish posting this

Nail polish - I love having my nails different colors! @bruce-wayne-simp also got me into the very addictive habit of painting my own press on nails, so now we are constantly sharing new colors of our nailsets with each other.

My cats - my silly little babies never fail to make me smile daily, whether they are being cute, or doing absolutely silly little guy things!

[satoruxx]

any study tips?? 🙃

ugh babe i got you dw!!!! i promise i’m not the best studier but these are usually what help me lock in :33

pomodoro method on top!!!! i swear by it—literally the only way you can get me to focus for long periods of time. basically you set a timer for a reasonable time to study and during that time put everything distracting away. lock in for that time (i find that keeping the timer in front of me helps) and then after that you get a set time for a break. i started off doing 25 mins of studying and then 5 mins of break which helped me get into the cycle of staying honestly focused for those 25 mins... after that i started increasing the times. so now i do like an hour and ten mins of studying and then a 20 minute break (this is enough time to watch an anime episode which is soooo motivating to get through the hour of studying)... anyways yes this is my go to for long study periods :33

also idk if it works for you bc everyone's different but i cannot hardcore study in my room. i'll get distracted by my bed and whatnot... so i recommend changing your location. like if i go to the library, i feel obligated to finish my work bc i can't go home without feeling like i wasted my time making the trip there. so... find a nice library/cafe/anything else and sit there to do work !! it changes the vibes completely :33

also idk what you're trying to study but my studying usually involves lots of memorization heavy content... so one thing i will say is do NOT waste time taking notes. i learned this the hard way while studying for the mcat. every time i was reading a chapter i spent so long on it bc i was speding time writing the most detailed notes. and then when i went back and tried to remember things i couldn't remember shit without my notes. for memorization and conceptual things, active recall is best in my experience. use things like flashcards so you're not deluding yourself into thinking you know things when you really don't... i learned more in a week of studying with flashcards than i did in two months with just note taking. obviously not bashing note taking ofc but just make sure you don't get caught up in it and waste your time :>

some other lil things are trying to study w someone else (who won't distract you lmao) and using them as student... try to teach them the concepts to test your understanding. and if you don't get something have them teach it to you. it helps solidify things if you can put it into your own words. also if you are studying at home especially, make sure your surroundings are nice. even if you think it doesn't bother you, studying in a cluttered or messy area does not produce the same motivation and results as a nice one. even just going to sit by a window so i get afternoon sun makes me feel so much more motivated to study bc i feel like it's aesthetic. your study area matters!!

ugh nonnie babe i could go on and on about this i swear i haven't had a period in life where i wasn't studying... but hopefully these are helpful !! lmk if you have any more questions, especially if you have a specific thing you're trying to study !! i'll see if i can come up with anymore tips that helped me :33

[thegodthief]

What do you want to be having conversations about?

(also you should have some or the rest of your ice cream today)

-Sunlight

I keep forgetting the ice cream is still in the freezer! A perfect pint, still sealed and waiting for my indulgence. (sigh)

Honest Confession: I have no idea how to make small talk.

Now that the heat wave in SoCal has ended and we actually have a cloudy and sodden morning, I've been watching the evacuation warnings and orders for the three big fires here slowly being downgraded and rescinded. So there's some good news.

I spent the week going through clutter that I had been putting off for years. After all the paperwork was sorted through, it was 5% keep and file, 5% shred, 90% toss. So much unnecessary stuff that at the time felt critical but in hindsight, was just so much unnecessary stuff. Found some things that hurt to look at, but that's my past, not my present, process and move on.

Old Bitch Advice: You are never too old to put whipped cream on your hot drink. If anything, your age is justification enough.

I want to talk about witchcraft again, but I don't know how. My entry into witchcraft wasn't by books, movies, or by a strange relative with strange amulets and good candy. The path that led me to witchcraft started at a Christian church's altar, and it really does infuriate me to see folks going on about how their witchcraft is not violent or is filled with love for all things so when you see people being different in their witchcraft, they're just being loud for no reason.

The scars on my ribs would like to have a conversation with the hands that would have held me down for the sin of being different. Because it took decades for me to see and understand, but my witchcraft is violent. It is not fueled by the love for all things, but by the love of the self, the love of my self, the fervent desire to live that could not be exorcised from me no matter how diligently the flesh was tested.

It feels like no one wants to talk about that. But a lot of people will throw money at the aesthetic of that. As long as we don't talk about that now, because we're all part of a modern and civilized society.

(deep sigh)

I want to talk about my dreamwork again. I realize that I never will. It's not just that having a full time job now devours much of the time I would have used typing up what happened. It's not just that the only readers will be scraper bots looking for new sources to plagiarize. It's that things have become so complex that even readers from the Before Times (before the lockdowns) would be hard pressed to keep up.

I'm sorry, I'm guessing you sent that ask to cheer me up and to help me connect with others again. And here I am, looking at the barriers I have put up and realizing that I am as much in my own way as the culture I am bitching about.

And I don' t know how to come around that.

Just like I don't know how to beat Shamura's ass (Cult of the Lamb) without taking a hit in the process. I am one achievement away from 100% and that damn spider is getting on my last nerve. I didn't get into the game until after the follower level cap so I missed that chance. Will create a new save file for the sole purpose of snatching that bandage off their head. They are just too strong in post game, so my strategy is to min-max the cult from the start until I get to Silk Cradle, and then I will be subject to the whims of RNG for the perfect combo. Keep that damn blunderbuss away from me, purgatory is for the bishops, not for me.

Back on Etheirys, I have finished the MSQ, but haven't started on any optional dungeons or the Arcadion. I know I have plenty of time, so I've been working on leveling the other classes to 100 instead. All the other classes. I'm not sure if this is a cry for help. As much as Warrior got buffed, Dark Knight got neutered. I didn't understand why the fuss over the changes to Black Mage until a raider explained to me what those changes meant in Savage raiding because the changes to the timing and cooldowns have pretty much scrambled everything.

Once I get my crafting classes up to 100, then I will enter the real endgame for FFXIV: GLAMS!

My apologies for the word vomit. I didn't think anyone would actually ask me anything and I don't know how to respond in a socially adequate way.

(looks out the window)

And now it's too cold for ice cream.

[koiyan-hades-kid-with-a-system]

Camp/Underworld Quotes #5

Koiyan, running the Blood Bank and cooking for the Dionysus kids: Why am I mothering kids that are not my own head-mates?

Shadow, from the headspace: Mommy issues.

Koiyan: Gods damn it why must you be right Shadow-

-

Zagreus: Are you drinking enough water?

Koiyan: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth.

Zagreus: Nope, we're going to the fountain chambers and make you drink actual water.

-

Cyrilla: All the sudden I got a random burst of energy, and I think it's my body's last hurrah before it completely shuts down.

-

Koiyan: Being smart has never stopped me from being a complete fucking idiot.

-

Cyrilla: If I die, you can have what little I own.

Koiyan: Wait. What do you mean "if" you die?

Cyrilla: My unending existence is fuelled by pure spite, that of which the painful experiences of life have rendered me full.

Koiyan:

Koiyan: *Sighs* Let me call your therapist again.

(Honestly it could be flipped as well)

-

Koiyan, having just switched back to front for the first time in months: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Cyrilla, used to Koiyan being dumb after switching: Sure...

Koiyan: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Cyrilla: Okay?

Koiyan: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Cyrilla:

Koiyan: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Cyrilla: Jesus, that one is a little-

Cory, interested: No, no, Koiyan, keep going.

-

Zagreus: You spent all our money on THIS??

Koiyan, putting tiny raincoats on ducklings: They live outside. They need this.

Zagreus: Lucifer is fronting isn't he?

Koiyan: Yes.

-

Koiyan: I told Thanatos that their ears turn red when they lie.

Cyrilla: Do they?

Koiyan: No.

Cyrilla: Then why did you tell them that?

Koiyan: Because I can do this.

Koiyan: Hey Thanatos! Do you love us?

Thanatos, with their hands over their ears: No.

-

Zagreus, coming in late: Sorry I was late, I was doing stuff.

Thanatos: I was stuff.

-

Koiyan, Zagreus, and Cory: What’s up? I’m back.

Cyrilla: I literally saw you die. You died. You were dead

Revival trio: Death is a social construct.

-

Cyrilla, holding up their class notes: And then this doodle of a burrito because when I first read Aristotle, I thought it was pronounced like “Chipotle”.

Cyrilla, in shock: Wait a minute, is it “Chip-o-tottle”?

-

Koiyan: Slash gamemode creative.

Cyrilla: Dude, this isn't Min-

Koiyan: *starts levitating*

[oubliette-odette]

The Reluctance of Love Pt. 6

Orc Male x Half-Elf Male, Fated Mates, Forbidden Love, Slow Burn Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 Word Count: 2148 (average 16 min read) Content Warnings: mention of mating, nothing happens....yet ;) All orcish is from orcishdictionary.com, created by Matt Vancil. Not beta-read. Criticism is welcome, but be sure to distinguish criticism from hate.

Altan POV

It had been ten days since Drunrag left to find a way to stop lordhovid. I didn’t want to tell Drun and worry him, but I was becoming restless with him gone and things got progressively worse for me. The first few days he had left, I felt like I was able to stay composed rather well. I would visit the markets and spend my evenings in the tavern below my room, sometimes playing my lute which helped me to pay for the extra nights that I hadn’t planned on staying there. Some of the patrons would comment on my flushed composure, but I chalked it up to being new in town and unfamiliar with the warm temperature and that I was sensitive to the fire from the giant hearth in the tavern. But there eventually came a boiling point - for lack of a better word - where I would wake up with a flame inside me that was insatiable. There was nothing that could abate how utterly starved I was to be near Drun.

I spent the latter days in my room at the inn, the door locked. The bedsheets were on the floor because they were too much for me. I would try to read or play or write music, but I usually ended up lost in a heated daze, caught between daydreams of Drun and the fuzzy reality around me.

I still felt that hunger in our dreams, though thankfully not as strong. I would see him, see his beautiful austere visage all nervous and quiet. He looked like his skin was cool and I wanted to press my hand to his and let my burning flesh be cooled by his. But he would always hold back. He was so gods damned respectful of my space. And I honestly wish he wouldn’t be. I was dying to be touched by him. I wanted to know what his tusks would feel against my skin as he kissed my neck. Or how those rough hands would run coarsely against my waist. 

Gods, I was a mess.

I knew my father would strike me if he ever caught the sight of me during that time. I was overheated, over aroused, and desperate to be touched by a man - an orc no less. All of those things were unacceptable to him. 

He could honestly go fuck himself for all I cared.

Those nights, dreaming with Drun were the moments I held my breath for every night. I liked seeing the way his eyes struggled to meet mine, but when they did, he seemed to struggle looking away. I like how when I said his name, his eyes would also grow wide for just a few moments and his lips would twitch to a dazed smile. He was easy to please, incredibly shy and hard to get him to say more than a few words. But I loved asking him questions, I loved watching how deeply he thought about each question, taking his time and pondering. He reminded me of a tree sometimes. He was large like a tree trunk and tall, but he was deeply rooted and not in a hurry to rush to the next thought. Meanwhile I felt like I was nothing more than a squirrel that climbed up and down his limbs again and again and again at rapid speed. Every minute in his presence had my brain whirling at what to say next, to resist telling him how handsome he was to me, to not talk too fast and overwhelm him. 

I learned how patient and kind Drun was through those conversations, and it started to make a little more sense each night why this mating situation was so hard for him. For him, he really needed to think things over and really mull over his decisions. Lordhovid took away the chance to think about his choice from him and it really affected how he viewed his people’s culture. I could tell he struggled with the reality that his way of thinking was so different from his family, but I couldn’t help but admire his devotion to his own personal truths. 

I never pressed him on how he was doing in his journey. I dreaded to know if he was close to finding a way to stop lordhovid and there was secretly a hope that maybe all of these dream conversations would help him change his mind. 

So I didn’t expect it when one afternoon I was laying my head against the pane of glass in my room when suddenly I felt my body temperature reduce - like a fever had broken - and I lifted my head, sensing the clarity and focus I had lacked for so many weeks. Everything was suddenly in intense focus and I looked around my room - an absolute disaster - and realized that I was fine. I was…normal.

I didn’t know what my reaction was at that time. It was stuck between relief at finally being free and my muscles loose from their tension, but also stunned and sad. 

Drunrag did it. He had managed to rid himself - and me - of the mating instinct that kept us tied together. 

It also meant that Drunrag now had no reason to ever see me again. Nothing was pulling him to me like before. I realized that with a sense of dread and hopelessness. He was so determined to not sleep with me. So determined to be rid of our connection. 

Doubt crept in almost immediately - maybe Drun had only been nice to me because he could distract me while he removed lordhovid. Maybe he was only nice to me because I told him he was my first real friend and he felt bad for me. Maybe he won’t come back now that he’s rid of me. Maybe he hated how easy I was to be wanted by him, just like my father hates me for it. Should I wait for him? Do I tell him everything I felt for him?

I shut my eyes tight and willed the thoughts away. No, Drun would come back and we would be…friends.

I sat, stunned in my room. I looked around and groaned at the disaster I had lived in for the last week while Drun had been gone. The sheets, sweaty and crumpled on the floor, next to a pile of unwashed clothes. A pile of plates that needed to be returned to the tavern downstairs was sitting at the small table in the corner.

I sighed. There was nothing I could do about Drun right now. I uttered a small prayer to Alunis - the Sun God - that Drun would return to me safely and I got to my feet and set about getting my life back in order. I would wait for him, my Drun, to return to me. I had not planned to stay here as long as I had, but I would be careful. I promised not to do anything stupid while I waited.

I gathered the sheets and the clothes and with a few extra coins and a smile, I gave them to the innkeeper’s wife to wash. Her services were thorough and as she took my linens in a basket to a counter behind her, she looked me up and down and told me I was too thin and in need of a good bath. She shoved a plateful of food into my hands and sat me down. I felt her eyes watching me, making sure I took every bite before she lifted me by the collar and pushed me out the door with a token to the bathhouse to get myself cleaned up. 

I wandered the streets, still dazed. I wasn’t used to feeling so normal yet. For the past almost three weeks I had been in a state of feverish tension, and my muscles still felt the soreness of being caught in that state of tension for so long.

The bathhouse was quiet during the middle of the day and there were only a few other patrons there. I had never experienced a public bathhouse before. Having the father I did meant that I lived in constant privilege which included private baths. The man at the entrance took my token and guided me to a room to leave my clothes, before stepping out into a large room with a pool of hot, steaming water. I glanced around nervously, catching nobody’s gaze as I stepped into the steam-filled room naked and shivering. It was commonplace for these folk for everyone here to be nude, but I found myself unaccustomed to it and unsure where to keep my eyes.

Once in the water though, I felt my body relax and I breathed deeply, letting the steam fill my lungs with that wet, humid air. This was heavenly. I sighed and sunk my head into the water. My hair had been neglected these past few days and I apologized profusely in my head to the old woman who used to care for it for me.

I kept my eyes closed and I let the warm water wash away the sweat and the history of the last few days from my body. I reveled in being myself again, as much as it caused me angst to know what that would mean next. I stayed until my fingers and toes were wrinkled and I stepped out, dripping and wet and padded back into the room where my clothes sat. I reached for a clean towel from a pile and tousled my hair dry and padded myself off. My clothes were still not clean - but I suffered the experience of putting them back on with a promise that I would wear clean clothes as soon as I got back to my room. 

I turned to step out of the bathhouse when I bumped into a large, sturdy chest. I yelped and stepped back, blinking in alarm. 

I saw the red phoenix insignia on his chest before I saw his face and I felt my body go cold. 

No, I thought, my mind racing, they found me, they found me, they’re going to take me away from Drun. 

I shook my head, panic already settling into my bones. 

“Altan Hilmar, son of Archduke Taliesin Hilmar?” The man asked. His voice was low, unfeeling and commanding. He looked to be in his fifties, with a full beard and brown eyes that looked down at me as if I were nothing more than a petulant child. 

I shook my head again.

He didn’t react to my reluctance to answer, instead he continued, “You are to return to Berdusk where your father will enact the proper consequences for running away.”

“Please.” I breathed, “I can’t go back to him. I won’t go.”

“My orders are clear, young Hilmar, you will come with me to Berdusk.”

“Have you no mercy?” I pleaded. “I will not cause my father any dishonor, but please don’t make me leave. I have to stay here.”

“I am a patient man, Hilmar.” The man continued. “But I also will not tolerate bargaining. I only obey one master, and that is the honourable Duke Hilmar. Now, after you.” He gestured to the door, I looked out and saw that there were two other armoured men with the same insignia on their chests waiting for me. 

I couldn’t bow my head in defeat, I couldn’t cry. Not in front of these men. They all watched me closely, carefully. I’m sure they all saw me as some spoiled, rich son of the duke who ran away to be reckless and ungrateful. They probably saw me as weak and useless without any notable skill, but I would not let them see me shrink under their stares. My mother told me my strength was different. I raised my chin high and regarded the man before me. “I will need my belongings.” I said.

“They have already been collected from the inn you were staying at.” The man answered. “Now, move along. We’re taking you home.”

There were too many thoughts in my head as I walked between the line of guards that led me through the walking streets until we arrived upon the stable where a carriage was waiting. I looked down one road, knowing that it led to Drun’s forge. I felt a stutter in my heart as I realized that Drun would return to find me gone.

It was then I could no longer hold my head up strong. I had no way to tell him where I was going. That I wanted to stay. That I was so fond of him, and I admired him and was so grateful that he trusted me and that we were each other’s first friend.

I wish I could have told him that I was falling in love with him.

[idontknowreallywhy]

Best Jupidad Moments #1 Nevermoor - Ch 3 - The First Meeting

Figured I’d start to collate some of these in an attempt to analyse what it is that makes this the most beautiful father/daughter dynamic in fiction.

Herewith my ramblings (you have been warned…)

He stood with his feet wide apart and hands stuffed into trouser pockets, leaning casually against the doorframe as if he had spent half his life standing in that spot and couldn’t think of a place he felt more at home. As if he himself owned Crow Manor and the Crows were merely his dinner guests.

His eyes locked on to Morrigan’s. He grinned. ‘Hello, you.’

There’s something about how he says “you” here, rather than saying her name. It’s so familiar, so personal and it straightaway elevates her to the most important person in the room - he doesn’t NEED to say her name, it is obvious she is why he is there. It’s all about her now (whereas 5 mins ago even her ‘last meal’ was painfully NOT about her at all).

And he grins, probably nobody has ever looked at her and seemed happy before and I get the impression that people usually avoid looking at her at all (ref the fact she isn’t allowed to make eye contact). I feel this must be part of why she so quickly trusts him because he’s the first person ever to give her the impression her existence is a positive thing.

‘Mourn the death of your daughter?’ echoed Jupiter. He took two deliberate steps towards Corvus and paused, his eyes glittering. The hairs on Morrigan’s arms stood up. Jupiter’s voice dropped an entire octave, and he spoke with a cold, quiet anger that was terrible to behold. ‘Can you possibly mean the daughter standing right in front of you? The one who is demonstrably, superbly, brilliantly alive?’

Immediate shift to the other heart melting facet to our Jupidad - the protectiveness. We find out later he’s been watching her for a while and I really get a sense at this point that he is SO APPALLED with how callously she’s been treated her whole life.

Whereas Corvus appears unbothered by how his words impact his daughter, Jupiter is the opposite - despite the fact he isn’t speaking to her directly he picks his words for her benefit - “superbly” “brilliantly”. Bet she’s never heard them said about her before. He’s also underlining how superb and brilliant life itself is, hopefully giving her the courage to answer the next question…

Morrigan,’ said Jupiter, in a voice very different from the one he’d just used with her father. ‘Don’t you want to live?’ 

Morrigan flinched. What sort of a question was that? ‘It doesn’t matter what I want.’

‘It does,’ he insisted. ‘It matters so very, very much. Right now it’s the only thing that matters.’

He absolutely shifts tone when speaking to her - this isn’t a guy who loses the plot or can’t control his temper when he gets angry. He puts the very justifiable anger away and immediately replaces it with compassion.

He also doesn’t dismiss her feelings - he understands why she thinks the way she does but he doesn’t let her stay in that mindset. He doesn’t just tell her what to do, he doesn’t say “don’t be daft, we’ve got to run” but instead takes the time to help her realise she has the right to decide her own fate, because despite what she’s been told for 11 years what she thinks DOES matter.

And then he waits to hear the words from her, despite the Hunt closing in outside (who he knows will likely kill him too if he opposes them, he must be at least a little scared for himself as well as her).

I think that Jupiter is already chipping away at the abuse and lies that have defined Morrigan’s life and he’s only been in the room 10 mins.

The windows began to rattle. There was a faint smell of burning. ‘What’s that?’ She squeezed his hand automatically. ‘What’s happening?’ Jupiter leaned down to whisper in her ear. ‘Do you trust me?’ She answered without thinking. ‘Yes.’ ‘You sure?’ ‘Positive.’ ‘All right.’ He looked her in the eye.

And so she trusts him implicitly. She squeezes his hand like a little girl might her Daddy’s when she needs reassurance. If he hadn’t already demonstrated that he has her best interests firmly at heart it would have been weird that she does this so soon, but it isn’t because he has.

Again, he looks her in the eye.

[aajjks]

pajamas!! https://pin.it/1d3Qfa2

TPOL!JK

“here hun, cut the vegetables for me” you say to jungkook while ji-ae decorates the home and watches jaemin, jia, and jin-sun. jungkook makes kimbap while you make kimchi gumbo, a recipe your mother made all of the time when you were younger and everyone in the jeon residence loves it especially jaemin who keeps begging you make cookies with him.

“can we make cookies now, mommy?”

“how about now? can we make them now?”

“NOW can we make cookies, mama?” jaemin begs and when you tell him later AGAIN he pouts and gives you those big puppy eyes that remind you so much of jungkook. like jungkook, jaemin can’t go 5 minutes without being attached to your hip and you find his clinginess so endearing that you can’t find it in you to tell him off.

“you wanna help mommy make the gumbo?”

“mhm. please?”

“okay min buuuuut what does my little chef need to do first?”

“uhhh WASH MY HANDS!! i have to wash my hands mommy”

“yes so go wash them okay? make sure you put your apron and chef hat on!!”

you say as you watch jaemin run to the bathroom and wash his hands. jungkook watches the encounter and is so endeared by your closeness to jaemin but there’s that jealousy again. he’s so thankful for the joy in his family despite all the things the two of you have been through, he’s still head over heels and he’s still happy.

after the fun time spent cooking and getting refreshments together, the party you all have is a pajama party and because jungkook has such an expensive taste, everyone is wearing matching armani pajamas including your twin infants.

“ouu, put there hair clips in hun. you’re gonna look so cuuuute” you giggle as you take the clips and apply them to jungkook’s hair to keep it behind his ears.

“you look so cute. i love you so much” you say as you wrap your arms around jungkook’s neck and pull him in for a sweet kiss, finally alone in your bedroom.

“what’s going on in that head of yours huh?”

“‘S just the other day.. Jaemin asked me a question about his birth and what was really my reaction? he’s so young, but he was so curious about that I was really surprised and I couldn’t help but not answer him because I got so lost in my thoughts, as I got flashbacks.” Jungkook confesses to you as the guests are still not here and you guys have a little time to yourselves so he decides to tell you.

Of course, the oldest one doesn’t know that you’re not really his birthmother, and Jungkook doesn’t plan on telling him anything about his actual birth giver. And he remembers what was exactly his reaction when he found out that Jaemin was born.

“Y-Yn that’s not my son.”

Those were the first words he said, after finding out about the news. So Jungkook closes his eyes and nozzles his face into your neck, “y-yn he’s still so young but I fear that maybe he’ll find out and he’ll be heartbroken..” jungkook confesses, but like the sweet wife, you are you just take him into your arms and try to calm him down.

“My baby can’t know.” He says weakly and you try to assure him that he won’t really find out even if he does.. that’s inevitable. And he knows that you love him as your own, you love him so much.

So he quietly whimpers into your neck and you both just spend some time together before you hear a commotion. “Ah the kids.. our friends are here.” Jungkook rolls his eyes because he was really enjoying being in your embrace.

“MOMMY DADDY! Loook!!” There’s Jaemin screaming at the top of his lungs when he bought his best friend, ahnjong.

And with the four year old boy, his father is also accompanying him. “Hey man! Hey yn!” There’s jungkooks best friend.

Eunwoo gives jungkook a wink, because as always he’s got a dirty mind. “You go kids, play in uncle jungkooks garden and don’t trouble your mommy.” The boys nod before they are running away.

“Yn can I have your man to myself now?” Eunwoo bows down, teasing you. You laugh and allow him to take away your husband. While you spot his wife and jorja together and they’re waving at you as you come out of your house, in the garden.

“HEY YN!!!” Alina enthusiastically claps her hands. “ it’s been so long last time I saw you it was at the time of the twins birth!” She remarks and jorja goes all in to hug you.

“GIRLIE WE MISSED YOU SO MUCH. LOOK AT YOU GLOWING.” She teases you about your postpartum glow and it’s not like she’s not glowing herself because she also had a baby like a week after you.

Alina sits down and you go in to hug her yourself. “Aw so sweet thank you my feet are actually killing me.. and ahn doesn’t make it so easy either.” She rolls her eyes.

“also, I’m guessing the twins are sleeping?” She asks you and you nod, and then your attention goes back to your husband with the group of his friends.

It’s like you’re gonna have a really good time tonight.

“I’m sorry but I’m already hungry. Where is the food?” Jorja asks before getting up.

[iwannaban0nym0us]

Ok, i've had a hell of a weekend (in a good way for once!)

So we had an off season robotics comp this past weekend and most of the senior leads couldn't make it so I was in charge of fabrication on my own for the first time,,,

Anyway, we barely had any time leading up to the comp and our telescoping arm was broken from the end of last season and so fab was like "ok, let's just duct tape it and do cube shooting" but design was very against that and decided to come in during lunches to get it done, and every time they would complain about it or push back the deadline fab would suggest to duct tape it

Now cut to Friday morning (day of load-in): I have a class in the shop and I find 2 design people still trying to fix the arm (that they supposedly fixed last week) and apparently it was fixed but it broke the day before and they just like didn't tell anyone

Now while that is still happening I have to go to my block 2 class and have a test, yay!

Next, lunch, that was a lot:

me and 2 friends had to practice our presentation that we were to give the next day at the comp about our team's outreach

then we see a message that says that programming hasn't finished packing so we go to check in on them and they are just finishing up packing

and then we stop by the shop again and find design still trying to fix the arm, and this time we bring a programmer with us to again try to convince them to just duct tape the arm (they say no and that it'll be done in 5min, it was not done in 5min)

after that I finally have time to eat but idk where my friends have gone but I do end up finding M on their own in the courtyard and so I go talk to them while I eat

I end up finding out that they just realized that A most likely does like them (romantically), and uh that's not something they're excited about

and so I give them an excuse to avoid A the rest of lunch and just talk to me and I also mention that the robotics comp is at the high school really close to their house and if they wanted to I'd be happy if they came

first class after lunch I have calc and at this point I have not had a break all day and so since my calc teacher spent the entire time talking to the board and going over the hw I end up just skipping half of class and it was an all around win-win scenario because, I missed nothing, he didn't care, I got a bit of a break, and I helped out some friends who had physics that block

then i've got one more class and it's pretty chill and i'm able to leave a few min early to go to the shop and start packing

then 3-4pm I frantically pack the van (w/ help) and try to make sure we don't leave anything behind and I also task some people w/ collecting tools from shop (since we can't do that till last minute because they're needed for classes. At this point as far as i'm aware the robot is working

then once we get there we have 5 of us to unpack all of the heavy stuff and move it all the way to the pit and get it all set up and all of that

and then,,, I find out that the arm is not working and so I try again to convince design to duct tape it but instead they spend at least another 30min trying to get it to work

at like 6pm they're supposedly almost done and so we put our team in for inspection and while we're getting inspected the inspector tries to trick us w/ a typo and we don't call him out because we're all too polite to flat out tell him he's wrong

after that we get part of the arm working but then find a new problem that they keep trying to fix until about 7pm when they FINALLY give up on the arm and agree to duct tap it so that we can go to a practice match

the practice match goes horribly wrong, everyone has a new role (except one guy) and so I don't realize that I know more about what needs to happen than other people (because I barely know what I should be doing) and so we forget how to set up our robot before the match and also don't plug in our controls right, but we do make it to a match and back to the pit just barely before 8 so that's something

unfortunately the day doesn't end there,,, I end up speing from like 8-10 coordinating getting 3 people to give a presentation the next day because the seniors who were supposed to give it were sick/not going in the first place so that was a mess

at like 11pm i finally go to bed (after literally doing stuff nonstop all day)

and then the next morning i'm back at comp at 7:15!

our programmers end up showing up just barely before our first match queuing time, along w/ the guy that might be able to get the arm to work, and so the arm stays duct taped

our first match i let the other guy human player (a drive team role) but I end up having to go up and make sure they do the pre-match stuff right and don't make the same mistakes as friday, oh and after the match they forget to turn the robot off

then for the 2nd match since stuff didn't go so great in the first one i human player and everything goes smoothly

as soon as that is over i have to go give that presentation on outreach which went pretty good

the rest of the morning is spent playing matches w/ a duct taped arm but in between matches people keep trying (and then giving up) on fixing the arm, then finally give up for good at lunch

then that afternoon M ends up coming and they watch a match w/ me explaining what is going on and then I show them around the pit and also the follow me to a strategy talk and then we play one more match (which I human player) and then M has to go, but it was really fun to hang out w/ them and things finally feel really good between us

the rest of the afternoon is pretty chill (which is good because the day wore me out) and we play one more match and then i go home at 5 and crash

and then the next morning i'm back at 7:15!

the morning starts of chill, lots of down time not that we'd given up on the arm, and we play a match that goes about as well as it can while still losing

then we have a match that doesn't go as well,,, we get hit hard and pull out some wires which cut power to half of our motors and then we have a very fast turn around time before our next match but we make it work, by the end of that we're ranked 37/42 which isn't as bad as we did during regular season but it's also not great

after that we have a bit of downtime before alliance selection, during alliance selection we're doubting we'll be picked but we don't rule it out entirely, AND THEN WE GET PICKED AS THE 3rd TEAM FOR ALLIANCE 2 (meaning we're with 2 of the best teams but also we were the 23 team picked out of the 24 teams picked, but then again this is better than the team has done since 2018!!!!!!)

as soon as that is done the tech leads go back to pit and i reinforce duct tape in a few spots and then I come back to talk to the drive team to hear the plan, then I rush to eat lunch well spam texting people and being very :DDDDDDDD

then the afternoon is hella hectic, we play 4 more matches, in the first one we lose because the alliance captain has their battery on the floor the whole match and we also have some wiring issues but at least our battery stays in the bot, after that they want to trade us off the team but we convince them to let us stay and we win the next 2 matches

and then for the last match (quarterfinals i think?) they tell us not to do much during the game because they think we'll get in the way, and guess what, we end up losing that match, so then we go pack up the pit so loading the van at the end of the day will be faster

so then we chill a bit and watch awards and once everything wraps at 4 we load the van and I finally get home at like 5 and can crash

i'm so glad that i had monday tuesday off because i could sleep in and like recover (oh and also do hw :/)

anyway i had a college board test today and then got to hang out w/ my friends for a bit and grab lunch before I came home to finish my hw, but really i'm chilling, my friends are doing ok, me and M are doing good, and i'm def still riding that robotics high

the lesson we really really really need to learn is that when we used the complicated arm that broke a ton we didn't do great but when we duct taped the arm and focused on one thing and made it simpler WE GOT PICKED FOR PLAYOFFS

[sevensfantasia]

My Honest Review of WuWa

I posted this on reddit, so I might as well post it here too. This is going to be extremely long, so I will do a read more. Am I little dramatic in it? Sure. But I have had enough.

Visually, the game is stunning. Graphics and music are on par with a AAA game. Some of the characters are designed extremely well, Jiyan being one of them. This is the only positive.

Events fail to show us what few males in the game are capable of. The current dream event has zero males in it, not counting m!Rover if you play as him. Do men not have dreams too? Kuro dropped the ball to have Jiyan, for example, have nightmares about either Geshu Lin or his troops passing away in battle. Kuro could have built more lore, but decided to drop more of the same stuff we already got in Zheshi's companion quest in 1.2. If not Jiyan, Kuro had a chance to show nightmares from Lingyang's past before he pulled his fur out. The model is already there, it was part of the CBTs before the full release. Kuro dropped the ball massively.

Story on the other hand is downright uncomfortable and at other points creepy, not the good creepy like horror game creepy. Creepy like a weird dude who can't understand the word no. With each passing patch, we meet a new character that suddenly is in love with Rover after 5 min. It’s not believable. After 1.3, it was obvious that this game was dropping what pulled me in, the darker post-apocalyptic themes, and becoming harem builder dating sim #24523523545 on the market. As someone who has flirted with the idea of being ace/aro, the story makes me very extremely fucking uncomfortable.

The interactions with other characters as Rover feels very shallow. The fanservice in the game with the romances, I use it as plural, feels very forced. I don’t get a choice to turn down advances from this character that I do not like, did not pull for, and will never pull for. Shorekeeper was the main story for the first part of 1.3, so I couldn't just throw it aside and come back to it later.

Let the characters interact with each other. We got crumbs of it with Mortefi talking about Baizhi and Yao, but now nothing in the newer patches. It makes the characters seem like massive losers who can’t interact without Rover being there to hand hold them like a mom sending their child to school for the first time. People are so worried about characters interacting with each other for fear of shipping wars. News fucking flash, there is already shipping wars in the fucking fandom. Everything has and will have shippers and shipping wars. I mean for fucks sake, the local news here has people who ship a couple of the meteorologists. Use whatever social media you use, and either mute certain terms such as ship names or use the mute/block user function. Curate your own social media experience, and don't be a crybaby bitch about it. I hate shipping, I block all the popular ship names, and rarely, if ever, see any of it on my TL either on here or Bluesky or even reddit.

Forcing the harem of women on to Rover impacts the storywriting, which is very obvious after we got the pile of garbage that was presented as the 1.3 story. Basing an entire patch on Shorekeeper's essential companion quest and her making heart eyes at Rover when there was untapped potential with established characters like Aalto and other characters such as Encore, which we eventually got her story quest, is bad writing. We didn’t learn much about Black Shores, and we spent very little time with already established Black Shores characters such as Aalto. We just met this woman, saved her, had a bunch of technobabble that didn’t make sense thrown at us, and then the day is saved and guess what, they’re both in love. I am shocked there is even an option for a female Rover at this point. It seems Kuro is dead set in this being another waifu/ML game, and I am very obviously not the intended audience.

The Rover/Shorekeeper ship would have been fine, but this is like the 4th person who has done this with Rover. It’s repetitive and downright boring. This weird need from Kuro to do it with every single character is annoying at this point. It’s not a good thing that whenever I see new characters in a leak, I guess which one is going to end up being like Shorekeeper/Yinlin/Camellya. You want to know why Encore's story quest was so good? They couldn't force the romance bullshit because she's a child.

The TDs need to be feared. I heard they used to be back before the game was fully released. Not sure if it’s true or not, but it feels like we were robbed of that fear feeling when dealing with TDs. Now they feel like comical chumps instead of monsters trying to destroy the world. The characters feel extremely bland and lack personality. I want to see someone who doesn’t care for or even like Rover. I want to see the other characters have emotions and feelings rather than cater to Rover.

Where is Calcharo’s backstory? Where is Yuanwu’s backstory? Where is more Aalto lore? Mortefi lore? I thought for the life of me, I missed a huge chunk of the main quest when I started because these random dudes just pop out of nowhere. People who enjoy the male characters over the female ones feel very alienated at this point and are going to games that better cater to male character enjoyers like Love and Deepspace just to spite Kuro and even Hoyo with Genshin.

Then there is the very glaring issue as a female player. Not enough male characters. The game is marketed as an omni gacha, but lately, it feels more like “Gathering Wives” than Wuthering Waves. Even an attempt at making character numbers even would be great. As of this writing, there is 7 males and like 19 females, not including the Rovers. The game itself is currently biased towards male serving players who feel like male characters and female players are below them, and that is an issue when you market the game as omni. Going from 1.3 to some time in 2.x without a new male character is alarming. You are alienating a very large percent of your global fanbase for a very loud minority of your fandom who see me as a second class citizen.

But, as shit as the game is, the fandom is miles ahead in the shit category. There's male players who are influencers for Kuro to push their games who believe that women and gay people shouldn't be allowed to play WuWa. I got into a massive fight once with one of them on Twitter. (I refuse to call it X.)

I was talking to someone in another husbando discord I am in, and they mentioned they were banned from another WuWa discord because the main admin kept talking about lolis and how much he wanted to fuck Youhu, so the person I talked to naturally called them out on their shit because what the fuck, that is disgusting. Homie should be visited by Chris Hansen. Anyway, the main admin changed the rules so you couldn't talk shit to people who feel romantic vibes about the children in the game, and then mentioned that people who do talk shit are woke lmfao. Take a fucking seat.

I would not be shocked if WuWa eventually goes down the Snowbreak route because of the vocal minority being pissbabies about their precious waifus talking to male characters or fighting characters that most see as male.

It's really fucking weird, and I have had enough of the fandom.

tl/dr: I was baited into this post apocalyptic game with peak combat just to find out that it's just a self insert for waifu lovers who don’t want people like me (a woman) to play the game, and I will very likely be dropping this game if the harem collecting and objectification of women continues. I can not in good conscious support a game that supports the mindset of the players being catered to. Women are more than just sex dolls in scantly clad outfits with obnoxious jiggle physics.

[archandshri]

19th April ‘24 - [arch] Community and Rest :D

Hey Shri! Short one today. It’s been a nice week, I’ve spent several days resting this week and making up for all the energy spent last week. 

I went to Something’s Fishy Art Market on Saturday - it was lovely!! Got to catch up with a few Plymouth friends and chat to people about Shipworms. I think events like that are really important in our industry. Sure, we make money at those things, but they’re so important for community. As illustrators, unless we work in a shared studio or other social environment, we spend so much time on our own. Sometimes our only contact with others in an arty setting is getting feedback on your work. When I was selling lots through Etsy, I’d get super burnt out with all the labour of posting, never seeing the people’s reactions - it was all just numbers. 

Fairs are magical, through. You get to see people engage with your work, be moved by it, and see them fall in love with the other creator’s work around you. You get to be inspired and by all the incredible artists selling their wares, have discussions about technique, compare experiences, or just chat. During uni, we had a module where we had to come up with 5 rules for self-promotion for ourselves. I still think about it sometimes. It was after I’d began to struggle with my upload schedule on Twitter, and the idea of ‘self-promotion’ made me feel sick. Once I spoke to my tutor, we concluded I should focus on how to do self-promotion healthily. I don’t remember the other 4 rules I came up with - but one was try to attend fairs. I knew that seeing real people and the tangible impact of my work made me burn out less. I’m really grateful for that lesson!!

This week I’ve been resting. I did a day of work hanging around the studio (had some meetings about a cool thing that’s happening soon 👀) 

It’s the Printhaus Open Day tomorrow and I will be hanging around! - feel free to pop by if you’re in Cardiff :D

Things I’ve learnt this week:

Make sure I have downtime days (for me this means a four day work week (max!) - then one or two days for managing my space, disability, and a day or two for fun)

Your job means there’s lots to do on weekends, so make sure you do an artificial weekend during the week if needed.

Make art fun - if it’s boring maybe you need to change it and/or your perspective

Or maybe you need to sleep for a hot min.

Nice to catch up with you!! Catch you next week :D

Archie ����🕺🕺

[queerlyhalloween]

Omg I've also had to explain the whole "you know the smiler is probably the safest rollercoaster in the world right now??" thing and people just do not get it.

Like "ya but they lost a leg so the ride isn't safe" ok but the ride literally did what it was supposed to do and stopped safely. It was overridden because of human error and that could happen anywhere, and is actually more likely at other parks right now because alton towers are gonna make damn sure it doesn't happen there again while some operators at other parks will go "couldn't happen to us bc we're smarter than that" and get complacent.

"ya but no leg??? So smiler is bad"

But then those same people didn't think twice about fairground rides? And like I love fairgrounds rides but uh I have had to stop the ops from starting the ride because they forgot to put my restraint down before so 😶

(also shout out to Adam from college that approved of going 140mph on the motorway without a seatbelt but said that anyone who went on the smiler obviously didn't care for their own safety)

(hope ur ok w this message i just get very autistic about theme parks and I wanted to let u know I've been there too. Also I agree oblivion is 100% in a different category and I'd never consider someone less of a fan of amusement rides for not liking blivvy bc fuck oblivion is something else)

Yooooooooo! Yah I am also super autistic about theme parks DW you're always welcome to talk to me about rides, sorry for late reply been working a lot (bleh)

Mmm, much like with Chernobyl "human error" is used as a milquetoast way to say "overtired workers", and should be considered as case studies in why workers rights are important for EVERYONE.

I remember at the time the hospital had said to the news they might have to amputate both legs and the lass played hell because she'd just spent like £600 on a tattoo sleeve for her other leg and she was like "I s2g, you DO NOT amputate THIS leg, I JUST had it done!" More annoyed about the prospect of losing those tattoos than the other leg, understandable lol, so the doctors were like "fair enough" and only had to amputate the one

Yeah, I've been to Alton Towers maybe 4 or 5 times as a teen, when my parents moved to England we were only like an hour's drive from Alton so it used to be the "if you fukcing behave we will take you to go on rollercoasters at the end of the year" school trip. I had just about left secondary school by the time they built the smiler though so missed out on that one :( Haven't had the chance to go back yet! (Nemesis holds a special place in my heart, love the coaster, love the blood waterfall) I went to go on Oblivion once to tackle my fear... and then after 20 mins in the queue the ride broke down and I took that as a sign from a higher power lmao

ALSO I was so sad when they got rid of the log flume! It had such good theming! ...Although I understand why. I've probably been to Drayton Manor more than any other theme park and I always hated that bloody boat ride. DEFINITELY needed bars rather than just relying on G-force...

Ohhhh fairground rides really are a different beast! I have gotten actual whiplash on the waltzers before because I'm tall enough now that i can't rest my head against the back unless I slump down in my seat

Had a similar experience with a restraint except I was on some graviton style thingy with carts that spin around a wheel sideways (upright into the air), and while the bar WAS lowered, they seated me (kid, maybe 11 or 12, malnourished as shit so my body-type's probably closer to that of an 8 or 9 yr old) next to a pretty giant dude. So the bar got lowered and its a full foot away from my chest and I just sort of have to lock my limbs against all the surfaces and wrap my legs around the bar like a fucking spider. LEGIT thought i was gonna die on that one.

But you want the epitome of fairground unsafe thrills meets actual rollercoaster speed? Go Blackpool Pleasure Beach! I fucking LOOOOVE Pleasure Beach, there are rides there that were built in the Victorian era, it's got my favourite rollercoaster -a wooden rollercoaster called The Grand National- and it's also got some beastly things

There's this... carousel? It's not exactly a carousel because it's in it's own dedicated room and goes REALLY FUCKING FAST, on the outer lane (there's like 6 lanes of horses!) it's legitimately terrifying, whole things built around an old organ that plays as the ride turns and it lasts AGES, you just have to cling to your horse and hope you dont eat shit on account of the speed

There's also the Steeplechase (idk why they're all horse themed...) this one is more carousel horses except THESE run on tracks, you've got a belt around your waste and their are motorbike style handles sticking out of the horse's head so it's a BIT more secure but if you let go and fell to the side (as is your want i suppose...) you would just be being dragged around by your waist. Now... The "charm" with this one is that as a small child it was quite thrilling, then I took my little brother when I was, oh i dunno 20 maybe?, and WHEN you're an adult, cresting those little jumps (again, horse themed) at maybe 40MPH means you get airtime. Which means you're flung a good foot off the horse for a few seconds and when you reach the BOTTOM of the hill you're gonna come crashing cunt first onto the PORCALINE horse. Which is considerably harder and sharper than an actual horse.

And you stumble off the ride like a cowboy and the attendant laughs at you with a knowingness that tells you he likes this part of his job. A lot.

140MPH?! Do you mean Kilometers?! Otherwise I think Adam's trying to meet the devil lmao

[tessiete]

First matinee. Just had the 15 min call. Feeling achy and voice quite weak. Frightened about how I'll get through 2 shows in one day. Been dreading this for ages. Now its time, I feel like I've been hit by a car after one show so no idea how I'll feel after 2, or during the second. My voice was really ragged last night as well. I'm going (?) home to try and take it easy this afternoon, but I find that almost impossible once we get started. I have a massage booked between the shows.

That was the 5 min call! Using Ibuprofen gel on my knee and shoulders. Sarah physio watched the show last night, and said I spent the whole performance with my weight on my right leg. So I'll try and be aware of that, as my right side is the one that's most messed up. My intercostal muscles are a mess from pumping out the (voice?). Lower back very sore, not sure why. Need to focus on letting the language do the work and the rhythm carry me along without pushing and forcing too much. Aim for light, deft, driven speaking cementing with needs + objectives. (???)

Tried to transcribe this as much as possible because I am in *love* with what this shows about Michael's process.

TLDR: VERY classically trained

What I mean by that is what's largely indicated in the bottom third of this page.

BUT ALLOW ME TO DO A LITTLE THEATRE NERD ANALYSIS.

Fifteen minute call - This is the last fifteen minutes before the curtain goes up at a performance. This does not include the five minute hold that is also often customary. But with or without that extra five minutes, I find it fascinating that he's writing this close to the start of a performance at all. I imagine it's calming and focusing. It allows him to reiterate and articulate his intentions (which we do see towards the end). Perhaps we could extrapolate that by addressing his worries, his pain, and his fears beforehand, he is able to excise them from interfering with his focus during the show.

Regardless, I'm impressed he's writing this close to the start anyway. Usually, I save my fifteen minute call for panicking about my hair, or doing silly rituals with my castmates, or rereading my lines like this last minute recap will do *anything* to help.

AND THEN we see he's still writing at the FIVE MINUTE CALL!

Five minute call - Usually, this is places for actors, but as this is Hamlet, he has a whole scene before he enters. You know...now that I think of it, this explains the writing as well. It's not actually that close for him. Probably a good 5-10 minutes.

He seems to dwell on his physical pain - this is interesting not because I don't think it's incredible he's pushing through it, but because, well, he is an actor and one thing actors do is "Use it". I know so many people who have gone through ridiculous things and their first thought is "This is going to be so good for my acting." Heck, I got hit by a car and I'm not gonna lie -- the thought passed through my mind almost at the same speed as the car!

That said, it could also be soothing and meditative. A sort of "better out than in" sort of thing. Either way, I find it fascinating that it's such a physical and most especially an external thing.

He's not using substitution (thank you, Uta!) despite lower-down referencing other acting techniques. And he's not writing from a more internal perspective in a way that would make me think he's trying to get himself into Hamlet's mindset. This reads as being very much detached from performance. This reads very much as Michael exorcising his own fear.

I think the externality of it in context with the proximity to performance is what strikes me most.

Need to focus on letting the language do the work - This, more than anything, tells me he's classically trained. This is, verbatim, the mantra of every conservatory programme, every professor or practitioner of Shakespeare, every student of the art. Let the text do the work. And while it may not be a groundbreaking approach, even to a layman, the way it's worded, the prominence it takes in his closing thoughts really reiterate his education and technique. Really cool.

Aim for light, deft, driven - Some Laban here, perhaps? An acting technique meant to ascribe movement, weight, and speed to the performance of text. There are eight basic efforts, and I don't know anyone who uses them in their pure forms. I think "light" could be akin to "float," "deft" to "dab," and "driven" to "punch".

Do I think this is as specific a use of technique as his idiomatic "let the text do the work?" No. But I think this is the professional and practical implementation of a technique into a larger scope of practice.

Needs + objectives - The actor's bread and butter. The actor's biggest (probably most widely used) and most fundamental technique is the application of objectives (as well as needs, obstacles, stakes, and tactics) to a text. This is most effective in pursuit of psychological realism (debatable application to a text like Shakespeare BUT the main pursuit of modern acting).

Clear objectives is almost always the cornerstone to trained actors, and definitely the cornerstone to modern performance education. If you have nothing else, you have your objectives. You come into first rehearsal with your objectives. It's about understanding the text, understanding the character, and having a perspective on your approach that allows for clarity of intent. This makes you more believable because, in real life, we are almost always clear on our intent (even if you can't articulate it). On stage, you need to articulate it. You need to understand why the character is doing what they're doing in order for you to pursue it with the earnestness of intention required.

If you have actionable objectives (ie. a goal that cues your scene partner to reply) then you become easy for the audience to understand and easy for your castmates to respond back to with their own clear objectives. If you are clear then spontaneity can live in listening to your partner, and security can lie in your technique.

The Illustration - not reeeally gonna try to psychoanalyse that illustration. It's pretty frightening. I know his Hamlet took place in an asylum, so it could be inspired by that.

Hamlet, as a play, is very much preoccupied with intense observation. Often by hidden figures. This could play into that.

Or, you know, when you're in the stage lights looking out at the audience, you can't really see faces. It's dark, but you know there are eyes there, watching you. This could be what Michael sees. Whatever it may say about that.

ANYWAY, sorry to hijack this post but I've never seen this diary before and I am so thirsty to get my greedy little hands on documents just like this. I'm obsessed with finding the paperwork of actors, obsessed with looking at their technique, obsessed with wringing any little instruction I can from those so far above me!

help!

https://mobile.twitter.com/AmaiaMontero322/status/1044351072461094912/photo/4

is that his journal?!

————————————————-

I would assume so but I’m sure someone will correct me if I’m wrong. idk if you can make out the passage at all (I flipped the image so it’s readable) but it’s talking about a theatre performance he did where I guess he’s sore and his knee and back are hurting and someone pointed out he kept his weight shifted the entire performance. 

[alectology-archive]

ohh im sure youve maybe already discussed this but if you're up for it id LOVE to hear your full take on Min. personally i like her okay, but I've never understood the massive favouritism of her on reddit, and it really annoyed me that so much time is spent on her and rand, and so little on elayne/avi/rand, tho obviously elayne and aviendha.. have their own storylines which min. doesnt really

There’s definitely a Type of crowd on reddit which makes her a very popular character there - characters like Egwene and Elayne who’re complex, willing to set themselves against their respective partners, realistically flawed & ambitious aren’t quite as popular for the same reasons.

As for Min herself... well. In general, my feelings about her have progressively gone from 'deeply disinterested in her’ to ‘deep dislike’ over time and it’s such a shame because I’m very fascinated by whatever is up with her ability. It lowkey reads like a very, very minor way of manipulating the Pattern and I've previously kind of compared it to whatever the Finn do & the Seanchan's own omen-reading practices (although I do need to admit that RJ has stated that what the Finn do is very different from Min's powers). If I weren't so irritated by how she ends up getting credit for a fashion trend in Cairhien when 1. She didn't actually start the trend 2. She didn’t like dressing the way she did and only did it because she thought Rand liked it 3. And If Dobraine had actually been praising her for talents other than dolling herself up for Rand, I would actually obsess over the fact that she got called Lady ta'veren because the text lowkey allows for that interpretation in a way. But I digress.

To get back on topic, the main issues I take with her characterisation are:

1. Her contributions to Rand's trauma, even if they're unintentional are massive - these include dumai's wells, Semirhage & Cadusane (I include her since she spends a lot of time bullying Rand or just being a Problem in general. She's not a good mentor figure.)

2. She receives undeserved praise all the time for supporting Rand during his downspiral when she does nothing but exist in the background. She’s acknowledged as Rand's emotional support gf in the fandom pretty widely but this is pretty much nonsense because she doesn't do anything to actually help him with his mental health. 

3. She encourages Rand to resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms (resorting to sex during moments of emotional distress) while discouraging him from nurturing healthy coping mechanisms (she also gets really bothered when she isn’t the centre of attention in private)

4. It also definitely gets on my nerves how Min is constantly complaining about having to share Rand with two other women & always reminds the readers that Rand is involved in a polygamous relationship - Avi, Elayne and Rand easily read like they’re involved in a polyamorous relationship without her tbh. 

5. Her arc of embracing femininity & constructing her personality around an idea she has of the kind of women Rand prefers (even if Rand liked her perfectly well before she started changing herself for him and never asked her to change herself for him) is one of the worst things to come out of the books. Sometimes her pants are so tight and her heels are so high that she can't walk properly. It’s kind of funny how she’s constantly complaining and blaming him for problems he isn't to blame for because she hates that she's supposed to love him according to prophecy.

6. Min is used to replace more healthy relationships like the ones Rand has with the Maidens & his friends from home which also really grates on my nerves since the books where they take centre stage are my favourite ones

7. She encourages and excuses Rand's bad behaviour a bunch (which Avi and Elayne would never have done). I got this vibe especially during TGS.

8. She blabs about Rand's trauma to practically everybody - including people who're looking to take advantage of him/manipulate him.

9. Min also threatens Rand with physical abuse when he's going through rough patches (this includes using her knives on him? The narrative plays this off as a fun, kinky thing when it really isn't)

10. Also because I’m petty I specifically hate her for that scene from TGH where she gets mad at Egwene for ‘tossing Rand aside’ when she wasn’t romantically interested in him anymore (like ???) She seems to feel that platonic relationships don’t matter as much as romantic ones do & pretty much behaves like it during the rest of the series lol.

RJ is to blame for a bunch of this, obviously, but Min doesn't have enough of a personality outside of Rand for me to really find it in myself to redeem her in my head, tbh.

I will admit that the entire point of providing Rand with an emotional support gf when he's supposed to be in a mental health downspiral was a pretty ridiculous choice on RJ’s part. I suppose Min as a character was set up to fail all along - she can't provide Rand any actual help because that would mean helping Rand out of his downspiral, you know? It gives the same vibes as the pointless plotpoint where Cadsuane is assigned as Rand's therapist when her method of accomplishing tasks involves bullying, abusing and harassing people until they’re sufficiently cowed.

[gooobert]

A Slight Detour

Alright SO I'm coming at you all with a Harringsmith fic. It was inspired by a conversation I had with @trevsawriter, and I know I'm a total novice when it comes to fics but I thought I'd at least share it :) gimme some consctructive feedback!

Word Count: 1.5k Reading Time: ~5 Min

If there was anything Quentin hated more than hot, muggy weather, it was running. But when they're all put together? It made him agitated and on the verge of hyperbolic violence.

Sure, he's good at swimming, but on land? No better than a fish out of water.

Their graduating class is back from summer vacation; it's around the second or third week. Quentin couldn't remember, every day was a blur - same shit, different curriculum. He'd have to admit, he isn't used to this heat. Especially when he had been in his air-conditioned room, spending his free time trying to catch every Pokémon on his Switch.

Or, as Steve liked to call them, "little Pokeymen."

No matter how many times Quentin corrected him, Steve wasn't changing. He could handle the retro classics like Metroid or Dr. Mario, which Quen loved - Steve knew a fair amount of cheats that aren't readily available on the web.

And so what if they spent the summer playing games all day? They didn't have to be harassed by their parents, and as long as Steve got to drag his boyfriend to the beach every couple weeks, he couldn't complain.

Speaking of which, it was Steve that threw his hand on Quentin's shoulder, snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Didja hear me? We're starting soon."

Quentin couldn't help but expel a groan. Since they were starting a new school year, the gym teachers were performing routine fitness assessments. He couldn't care any less, but he knew his dad would chew him out for not at least getting a baseline grade.

That, and Steve had been talking about a detour they could take to avoid both the coach and sweating. As much as Steve wouldn't turn down a time to show off his athletics, he was not going to let the muggy weather and his sweat ruin his absolutely perfect hair.

"I want you to just follow my lead, 'kay? Try to keep up."

"And what if I don't?"

Steve stopped stretching his shoulder to snap his head in Quentin's direction, eyebrows furrowed as he made an artificially-dramatic glare. "Hey. Do you want my help or-"

Their banter was cut off by the shouting of their teacher, who immediately blew the whistle; their run only beginning. The mass of students moved like a large blob, sneakers reverberating off each other's steps on the asphalt.

The high school didn't have the money for an actual track; all of the funding essentially went to their competitive swim team, leaving the cross country students to have to make their own warmup track with what they had. One part of Quen would normally felt pity, but he would have rather given them his middle finger.

Quentin liked to eat anywhere but the cafeteria, the dining hall was too loud, the food was some type of Lovecraftian horror, and it wasn't like he had a large group of friends to chat with. One time, he tried to eat his lunch in the backwoods of the school, preferring a quiet area to cram before his exam the next period. The track team boys, practicing for their upcoming meet, didn't seem to like a swim team member on their "turf" - kicking up some dust into Quentin's lunch. He honestly couldn't give less of a shit, but hey - that's karma.

And he couldn't complain, now both he and Steve have a ritual of eating together on the hood of Steve's car. Harrington was a sucker for older cars, caring for his BMW like it was his own damn baby. Quentin liked to tease him over who Steve was really in love with.

And God forbid Quen ever gets behind the wheel or else Steve acts like a helicopter parent; scolding him for driving too fast, or not easing into the breaks as gradually as Steve thinks he should, grabbing hold of the car frame as he braces for his boyfriend to crash. Quentin would be offended by it, but who else would be there to intentionally swerve the car and scare the shit out of Steve?

The sound of feet hitting asphalt - now turning into tightly packed soil - brought Quentin back to the present, where the group of students began to disperse, their varying speeds creating distance. He was more towards the back of the group, disinterested with the athletic kids in front - as if they had a point to prove. Like some Olympic recruiter had nothing better to do; deciding to go to bumfuck Ohio to scout for prospective talent.

Steve was the only one Quen could focus on - now near the front - the faster group beginning to rush into the woods.

He wasn't sure how, but it only took a few, mere seconds to lose track of Steve. There were too many paths to discern where he went, the only obvious one being the path the teachers chose, which had painted arrows on the cedar trees. Once out of the teacher's eyesight, Quentin went from his jog to a walk, running a hand through his curls as he caught a breath. The final stragglers went past him, leaving Smith all by himself.

Or rather, he thought he was by himself until a hand placed a firm grip on his shoulder, stopping him in his tracks-

"Woah, easy, it's just me," Steve cooed, trading his firm grip on Quen's shoulder for a few reassuring pats.

His body relaxed at the sight of Harrington. You could still see his reddish-pink splotches of skin; sunburnt from when they went to the beach the other day. Most of it was encased around Steve's neck, which was covered by the lower tips of his mullet. He circled around to face his body towards Quentin's, leaning his back on the bark of a tree.

"You have no idea how much I've missed you," he fondly stated, looking up and down at his boyfriend.

"It's only third period."

"Only," he mimicked in a retort, Steve's back now leaving the tree to get closer to Quentin. Their faces were now less than a foot apart; the smell of Steve's cologne and musk overwhelming the former scent of the outdoors.

"Then let's make up for some lost time, mm?"

That's all Steve needed to hear, the only thing holding him back from throwing himself at Quen. Steve wrapped one arm around Smith's back, nestled under the shoulderblades. The other hand was busy leaning on another tree, coincidentally behind Quentin's back.

It's not insurmountable that the former king of Hawkins High is a great kisser. Steve's cheek grazed Quentin's nose as the former tilted his head.

It tasted sweet, and was faintly reminiscent of their breakfast from that morning; something of a routine between the two. Steve would pick Quentin up before school, and Quen would buy them both a pair of coffees or even a muffin or two depending on how hungry they felt. It made Quentin want more, leaning into Steve and allowing his eyes to remain firmly shut.

Once they broke apart for some air, he opened his eyes to see how burnt his boyfriend really looked in the sun. The skin on the bridge of Steve's nose was slightly peeling, despite how much his mom nagged him to apply sunscreen from their beach day, and even lotion, now.

They went back in for kissing - to the point where Quentin was too busy picking at Steve's sunburns to the jock's dismay - for a little while. It was only a matter of time before the echoes of a whistle were heard, signifying their time was being cut short. Steve made some whines of annoyance before turning Quen to face alongside him.

"I'm going to run through those two trees there and take a right, then a left at the large rock, y'can't miss it. Just go, like, 20 seconds after me, 'kay?"

"What, don't want the kid who doesn't try at gym to finish with the all-star athlete?"

That made Steve click his tongue, his eye roll not matching the growing smirk on his face. He began to turn away before his head snapped around to face Quentin for a final time. "Oh, and one more thing - what're we doing after school today?"

Quentin crossed his arms and gave Steve a puzzled look. "I thought we'd go to practice, unless you have a better-"

"Nonononono, I was just curious…" he paused, pursing his lips. "I'll see you after last period."

And off he went, running a hand through his hair and returning to a jog.

"I'll see you!" Quentin shouted, waving Harrington goodbye. Man, he could kill to have practice begin early. This weather will be the death of him someday, he's sure, but then how else could Steve heroically save him from heatstroke? He thought about that scenario as he began to resume his run, their gym teacher being none the wiser as the two boys joined the rest of the class.