#tim: did.. did Jason’s egg crack???

[iguessthisisanewobsession]

Mix up manhattan au

After the hit that’s as heathers the musical set up by mix up manhattan Jason didn’t really think much on if he wanted to act again.

Sure, there was that quick stint of Noel’s Lament for charity but honestly he feels like it would be a lost cause to try and play another role because apparently he was a little too good at being JD.

“That’s bullshit, man. Like of course you’re going to act good, you were one of the main leads!”

Danny scoffed as gestured with a fry,

“An actor that can actually act. It’s not like you’re going to actually blow up a school.”

“That’s what I’ve been saying! You know they’ve been trying to send me back to therapy? Like gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.”

Jasob sighed as slouched over the linoleum table.

“You know, I hate that I fucking get it in a way y’know? Like I have a shady past, and maybe my temper spikes a bit more than the average guy but that shit’s in the past! I thought thought it was at least…”

“You were built for the role dude, there’s a reason you got casted. It’s probably just because it hit a little close to home.”

“Well I wish it didn’t.”

Danny hummed as he took a sip of his shake.

“You know.. there might be an easy fix for this.”

“What are you thinking about now?”

“I’m just saying how for sure are you that you don’t want to do another audition?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tim blinked.

And blinked again.

He rubbed his eyes until they were raw,

Nope.

No change.

“What the fuck are you doingJason?”

Jason for his part raised an eyebrow in the mirror as he continued to try to adjust his skirt.

“What does it look like I’m doing? Dressing up.”

“I-but-“

“Ah, Master Jason, how are the adjustments feeling now?”

Jason gave a grin as he grabbed a pile of clothing from the couch.

“A lot less like I’m going to flash everyone during a twirl. Thanks Alfie your a life saver.”

“Your very welcome dear do give me updates on how it goes.”

Jason gave a little twirl and a finger gun before leaving the living room.

Alfred held back a chuckle as he looked to his other grandson.

“Is there something you need to say Master Tim?”

“I-uh- The pink cardigan looked good?”

“Indeed, I do hope they do not accidentally stain it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That week at the theater signs we’re out out for Hairspray the musical.

[babyshoesnerdshit]

batkids high headcanons

CW: weed (duh), characters being high (also duh), slightly platonic yandere, and infantilization

Dick: absolute cuddle monster, he will grab which ever sibling is closest and hold on like an octopus, if the need to get something from the other room he will simply carry them there so they can get it. need to go to the bathroom? it will take 15 minuets minimum to convince him to let you go. some siblings will hit him for clinging but it doesn't stop him at all. he just loves you guys so much, and he will tell you this constantly. super affectionate, will kiss the top of your head, you cheeks, your forehead ect. some of the others with try and stab him for this others will give up and let him. will be the one to buy all of the snacks before the sesh. makes sure to get all the ones he know you like best.

Jason: anger issues? what anger issues? super chill and the most relaxed you've seen him. he will find you and will carry you around on his hip, he talks to you like your a child (only you not any of the other siblings) he has a firm hold on you so the only way you're getting down is if one of the other siblings manages to convince him. however he is super comfy and you might fall asleep. if this happens you will be cooed at and many pics will be taken (however that would happen no matter what you did so). tries super hard to make you laugh but keeps cutting himself off by laughing at his own jokes. totally makes his own edibles. will go along with almost any silly antic you get up to, the best at playing along with the bit.

Tim: becomes super quiet and doesn't make many expressions, observes the others for the most part. then out of nowhere he will say the most philosophical shit that makes no sense to anyone but him and he refuses to elaborate. one of the only times he will fall asleep willingly. he will also hug like an octopus but only to you, you can push him off much easier but less than half of a minuet later he's hugging you again. will randomly start petting your hair when hugging you. takes lots of pics of you, if you ask why he just says he's documenting important things. he will use the particularly good/cute ones as ransom to the other siblings (ex. "if you do [insert thing] for me ill give you this pic of (y/n) high [doing cute thing]" and it always works)

Steph: becomes an absolute comedian, constantly cracking jokes and finds the funniest videos to watch. smiles and laughs at everything. tends to fall asleep before everyone else tho (except Duke but more on that later) finds the most random things funny, one time you found her laughing her ass off at an egg just sitting on the counter in the kitchen. will bat at things like a cat, like hoodie strings or someone's hair (most likely belonging to Tim or Cass). defo the biggest stoner out of the whole group (followed by probably Jason). always has a bag of chips on her, no one knows where she keeps them she just pulls them out of nowhere to start snacking.

Cass: Cass has never been drunk or high or any form of intoxicated, and she plans to keep it that way. she likes being in total control of herself all of the time. she does however like to hangout with you guys while you are high, she thinks its very funny and she takes photos and records things to use as blackmail or to trade. stays silent in the corner the whole time just watching you guys be idiots, if she sees you're starting to get stressed/have a bad time she will instantly be by your side and knows exactly how to comfort you. she makes sure you guys always have enough water, before you even ask there's a water bottle right next to you. (depending on just how high you are it ranges from a glass of water to straight up a sippy cup)

Duke: doesn't really get high often but will hang out with you like Cass, he however talks to you guys more than just observing. the few times he gets high it always a really small edible because he has a super low tolerance and smoking intimidates him, and he usually only uses it to help him sleep. dude is knocked out almost as soon as it hits. if he does manage to stay up he just laughs at everything and smiles without saying much. he's just happy to be there :]

Damian: is too young to do anything so no weed for him. he claims he doesn't care and that he is superior for keeping his mind clear but will then go pout in his room because he feels left out. will hang out sometimes but not often because he is a common target for dicks octopus hugs/overbearing affection. when he is old enough I get the feeling he would still not partake out of spite and so he can say he's better than you.

Bonus: Alfred makes the best food for munchies, any requests will be made no matter how strange. Bruce knows but he lets it slide (only after doing several hours of research on it to make sure you guys weren't doing anything too harmful) because he's just happy to see all of his kids getting along and bonding. Bruce did give you all an hour long lecture about making sure what you had was gotten from a safe and regulated dispensary and how to get high in the safest way possible. I personally think he transformed one of the lounge rooms into a specific high room, it has no sharp objects and nothing that you could accidentally get hurt on, there's pillows and blankets everywhere. he will also make sure you guys properly clean any pipes/bongs. much like many of your siblings he will use this as an opportunity to baby you (he would tell you to hold his hand because you might be a bit wobbly or carry you to bed ect.)

[4sh-n4]

Bruce Wayne, who can't cook to save his life but can bake better than even Alfred. The catch? He can only do it in the night after being awoken by nightmares. No one knows about his extraordinary skills other than Alfred and Dick, because everyone assumes that the baked goods in the kitchen are made by Alfred. Dick knows because when he was younger and couldn't sleep because of nightmares, he used to join Bruce in the kitchen and watch him work.

Dick Grayson, who is an absolute disaster in the kitchen because he keeps getting distracted, but give him a microwave and a dream and he'll prepare a solid three course meal that actually tastes decent. He's also an excellent cocktail maker, which is funny since he prefers to have his alcohol straight without any mixers (he still puts the little umbrellas in his glass though, don't be mistaken)

Jason Todd, who is an ACE in the kitchen because he refused to ever be helpless with food again after getting off the streets. He was going to eat, and he was going to eat WELL. Especially since he finally had the resources to be able to actually experiment with what he likes and what he can do with different foods, instead of just what's cheapest or most easily found. The one thing he can't do? Crack an egg with only his hands without getting any of the eggshell pieces in the food. He needs to use one of those little egg cracking tools. The thing that pissed him off the most about this is that the one thing Dick can do brilliantly in the kitchen, is crack eggs with one (1!!!) hand only.

Tim Drake, who is definitely not michelin star level (the Drakes had a cook for Tim's entire childhood so he never had to learn), but has learnt to sustain himself with instant meals and those little ramen packets. He somehow always makes them taste good though, adding toppings and making sure they are some form of nourishing, even if that just means adding a fried egg on top and calling it a day. He also knows the difference between all the different little types of tea that alfred likes to drink just by taste, and is the only other person in the house that can make a perfect cup (that is Alfred approved). It always shocks everyone else, because Tim is notorious for hating the taste of tea.

Cass Cain, who has no culinary abilities and does not want them either. Her skills in the kitchen start and end with making sandwiches. But whenever she goes out to eat, she always goes to a chinese restaurant and gets something that she hasn't tried before, because she was never introduced to any foods of her culture and wants to taste them all now. Oh, and she can do super complicated tricks with the knives, her and Dick have constant competitions about who can do the coolest thing.

Steph Brown, who lives off of takeaway for most meals, but can make better breakfast foods than most people in the house. Waffles, pancakes, bacon, eggs, toast, you name it and she can make it. Only if it is traditionally eaten before noon though. She also worked as a barista part time for a while, so she knows all the fancy coffee recipes.

Damian Al Ghul Wayne, who doesn't care to cook other cuisines, but taught himself how to make almost every middle eastern and south asian dish he could get his hands on, because it helped him feel closer to his home and his mother when he first moved in with his father. His fondest memories of his mother are of her feeding him his cultural foods and telling him about their origins. It was the only time they did not speak of work, or his training, but instead about what his father was like as a person, about the things his mother has seen on her travels over the years, about his maternal grandmother, about his interest in animals.

Duke Thomas, who can cook enough for a 15 year old but doesn't touch the kitchen of Wayne manor very often, not unless he's just sitting on the counter watching others or helping minorly. His memories are still fresh enough to bleed when touched and all his memories of him cooking in the kitchen have his parents happily dancing in the background on Sundays with loud music blaring through the walls as they teach him how to chop onions without crying or knead dough.

Alfred Pennyworth, who only had the most basic culinary skills when he began working for the Waynes, just enough to keep him alive when he was in the military, but was forced to learn how to cook when he was unexpectedly given custody of an 8 year old. He can cook better than most professional chefs in the world now, but he still hoards Thomas Wayne's old cookbooks like they're the only tangible part left of the man who once filled the halls of the manor, even though he knows that's not true. He'll pass them down to his grandchildren one day...just not today. Today, they're still his.

[ragnarokhound]

Ooh what about...Teacher au, actor au, and pokémon au. Ships open to whatever but jason in them preferred 👀

For the AU ask game!

THESE ARE ALL SO GOOD, YOU ARE CRACKING ME OPEN LIKE AN EGG (like with a previous ask i might answer one and then maybe circle back with a reblog or smth to answer the others fjdlsaja WE'LL SEE IF I HAVE TIME TODAY) and I'm jaytim til i die so that's what i'll be speculating on for the most part lmao

Teacher au... oh the hot gossip that would fly in that staff lounge...

Five fun facts about a teacher au I'd write:

Jason teaches either english or drama. Or maybe he would teach drama IF admin hadn't fucking cut the drama program last year and left them to organize a club instead. "there's no funding" they say, and yet the basketball team is getting all new equipment, all new buses (not even district-assigned! their OWN BUS), a whole new fucking facility--

Tim is the basketball coach. (He teaches math/comp sci/engineering). Drama ensues.

(The basketball team went to state last year Mr. Todd, sorry if success means getting more interest and therefore funding from the community, but maybe there's a lesson to be learned here) (>:0 he did NOT)

Principal Wayne doesn't play favorites (except he totally does, Principal Grayson at their sister school in Blüdhaven applied for that job specifically to get away from the bullshit. He wishes he could have sniped Babs as his office manager, but she's too entrenched. RIP) but Tim is obviously Bruce's newest, shiniest hire and after Jason came back from medical leave (motorcycle accidents suuuuuuck) he's extremely miffed to see what's been changed in his absence

Real conflict would take place when one of Tim's star players tries out for the school play and gets the lead role because Jason can see that this kid has talent AND THEY NEED THAT. (Drake is, unfortunately, correct; if they can take their production of Chicago to the National Drama Festival, then maybe they'll get the support they need to reinstate the drama program. Or whatever. UGH) Tim is pissed because this kid has a shot at playing professionally and this could fuck his chances if he's not giving his A-game during championships this year. Cue no longer passive but rather outright aggressive arguments between Mr. Todd and Mr. Drake BOILING with sexual tension while, idk who, Jon Kent probably Does His Best to be a teenager lmao

(BONUS FUN FACT: they 100% fuck in their hotel at Dramafest, because of course the drama club made it, and of course Mr. Drake came along. To support his student, obviously. And not at all because Tim saw the play that winter to support Jon and saw how good he was and Jason got in his face about it after the show and all the tension from the whole semester boiled over and they made out backstage like they were teens themselves again. Not at all. That would be unprofessional and irresponsible.)

[mik3stuff]

Billy Cane (my DC self insert) lore

PART ONE - Backstory (before Batfam)

Before moving to Gotham, Billy lived in the northeast of Brazil, but because of his parents' work, he had to move to New Jersey due to a wave of crimes in Gotham. At the time, he was six years old and his egg had not yet cracked.

Around the age of nine, his parents, his older brother and he were kidnapped by the Joker, who killed his parents but only managed to slightly injure him before they were found and the Joker was arrested. Despite this, he still broke his ankle trying to escape, something that would leave long-term consequences. (+ the trauma of having his parents killed in front of him by an extremely bizarre and pisciotic clown, duh)

Despite this, his brother came out of the situation relatively well (or as well as he could at least), having dislocated his wrist (something that would also leave some after-effects), but still having to go to college and work after a few weeks.

(He still wanted to take his little brother and run away from that crazy town, but he knew that if they moved they could end up in an unpleasant financial situation and he could lose custody of his brother - like Lilo and Nanny from Lilo and Stitch - so he decided to stay, finish architecture school and try to get a stable job for now)

Now that his brother had to spend the whole day away at work and college, and the little time he did spend at home he was either tired or sleeping, Billy found himself with time to go out shopping and DIY-ing a few things to become the town's new vigilante when he wasn't at school.

PART TWO - The Beginning (self explanatory)

After the 'Joker Incident' some members of the Batfam decided to keep an eye on things to make sure everything went well.

(It didn't last more then a year until Cassie found a little Jester sneaking out of the window in the middle of the night)

(The DIY clay mask looked pretty fucking awsome tho, she would give him that)

A week of patrol later and Billy found himself under Black Cat's wing after being cornered by a guy much bigger than him and all he knew was that now either he dropped the mantle, or he was going to have a superheroine on his tail insisting he drop it every night.

After two months of persistent bargaining and three near-death experiences Black Cat agrees to let him join her as 'Ghost Robin'

('Jason will be SO petty lmao' 'who's Jason? can i meet him?' '...not now kiddo')

PART THREE - Now (super-hero funky facts)

Jason was, indeed, very petty. Mostly by him being a kid ('Cassie?? The hell?? i trusted you!') but also by the 'Ghost Robin' thing tho he would never admit it

He got along with Stephie, Babs and Duke right away, after three days he got along with Tim, it took him a month to get close to Dick, Bruce and Selina but he didn't give up.

Jason and Damian were certainly the most stubborn, but they were also the ones he tried the hardest for.

Damian because they're only a year apart, Jason because 'OH MY LORD IT'S RED HOOD *fanboy-ish sounds*'

took him three moths but he got them to like a bit more then he expected...

(no romantic intonation please! found-family for all of them)

There are still details that refer to a jester in the uniform. He intends to go back to that costume when he stop being Robin (which will certainly happen at some point when Cassandra allows it, and she WILL allow it, RIGHT CASSIE?)

PART FOUR - Extra (more funky little facts)

Currently between 12/13 years old

His full name is Izaak Guilherme Mauricio Dias Cane, but Billy is his nickname and William is easier to pronounce then Guilherme

His brother prob already knows, he just doesn't know how to ask

Sometimes him and Damian will be found sitting together drawing on the couch in the purest and most complete silence

Autsim (AuDHD)

He acts, sings, draw, paint, sculpt, sews, crochets and also makes beaded bracelets. Not for lack of something to do lmao

Jason is also teaching him how to cook and play bass

Candy, chocolate and cinnamon cake and Ice cream addiction

Has choccy milk, cheese sandwich and watermelon as his safe foods

He started dying a strand of his hair green because of Summer (@punkeropercyjackson)

Fights Muay Thai and do Skateboarding

PART BONUS - Related Posts

This post by my pseudo-mom Summer (a.k.a. @ punkeropercyjackson but I already tagged him)

This post and this post that are just like, silly headcanons, fun facts and interaction with other characters

@maxarat @yukii0nna

[punkeropercyjackson]

Jasumm and Kahali hcs?

THE DRAGONGLASS TRIO!!!!!!

Jason and Kahali are the cooler Bruce and Stephanie /hj

Really though,Jason pretended to find Kahali annoying but nobody except him bought it and that lead to an emotional scene of Kahali sobbing that his own team leader dosen't love him and Jason reassuring him and listing off the reasons he does and a tender hug

Obviously he was never mean to him out of nowhere because Summer would never allow it but they bickered tons and still do but in a different,softer way

Summer was Kahali's first mentor and Kahali latched onto him more than ever after his mom's death as his new mom and they were so close by then Summer happily took the role on and tbh it wasn't hard with experience as a caretaker of kids that started at 10 when he demanded in helping raise Jon

This adds on to why Jason calls Summer a milf as a joke but not really(calling him a milf that is,Summer is one and he's not joking)

Jason is berryblast,Kahali is cherrywatermelon and Summer is cotton candy

Summer also cracked Kahali's egg by introducing him to Mcr and Jason got him to go full on goth so he calls him 'My Baby Bat'

They have inside jokes and select bonding tactics(Kahali is the only nonblack allowed to touch their hair,though mainly because he did extensive research how to and practiced with Stephanie so they trust him with it)

Kahali is a Dead Sidekicks Force member

Summer took Kahali to Senior Prom as his chaperone after him and Tim went back to finish school so they could be real high school sweethearts

Speaking of which,Jason is unironically convinced Kahali has awful taste for liking Tim and makes fun of him for it and dosen't see how the faults he points out in him are actually more accurate to JASON HIMSELF

Nicknames:Didi and Bhadhi,Lili and JT and Summ and Blud

Whimsigoth/Goth punk/Pastel punk solidarity

Jason and Kahali /j /lh

And Summer and Kahali!! /platonic

[bicycle4two]

fine as we are, but we want more || Jason Todd x Female!Reader || Chapter 5 of 8

Summary:

all things considered, you're pretty lucky.

in all your years living in gotham city, you've never been mugged, never had your apartment broken into, never been held as a hostage.

until now.

it seems your luck has run out and there's nothing you can do about it other than wait for someone to come rescue you. . .

or, jason and you reunite after a long time.

...

Read on AO3

...

Chapter 4

...

Chapter 5:

You didn’t expect Jason’s hobbies to be so wholesome. You hate to admit it, but you sort of always pictured him working on his motorcycle or doing some sort of extreme sport in his spare time. And maybe he does, but he also bakes snickerdoodle cookies for Barbara and knits scarves for shelters. You quickly find that being friends with Jason Todd means you can’t just take him at face value, that there’s more to him than a strong set of muscles and a dangerous night job. He’s more than the Red Hood.

And although you love being friends with Red Hood, love hearing about his new gear, the types of guns he’s collected over the years, the new bullets he’s acquired that somehow have elemental effects (whatever that means), the little tidbits of whatever mission he feels he can talk to you about, you love being friends with Jason Todd a little more.

Because Jason Todd visits you at Becker’s Best in the morning, because Jason Todd sends you pictures of the new cat that’s found its way into the “office,” because Jason Todd can cook when it’s too late to order food because the two of you were so absorbed in what you were watching that you’ve forgotten to eat.

(You remember scrolling through your phone, looking for restaurants that were still open, when Jason suggested that he could make something if you wanted. And who were you to say no? So, after a quick scan of what you had in your pantry and refrigerator, Jason settled on making what he liked to call his famous instant noodles.

You never thought to add cheese and jalapenos to your noodles before but now it’s a flavor combination that you can’t live without.)

You honestly never expected Jason to let you into his life the way he has, to share his interests with you, to spend his free time teaching you how to knit (you’ve only ever made oddly shaped squares despite his meticulous guidance. He assures you everyone starts out that way. Even Tim’s having some trouble) and how to crack eggs with one hand (“You don’t really have to do it that way. Just use both your hands,” he’d said when you fished out the shells from your fifth attempt. There was a lot of scrambled eggs that afternoon.) He’s even emailed you a reading list filled with his favorite books, both standalone and series. You found yourself ordering a few of them online once you got your paycheck, excited to discuss them with him once you’ve read through them.

You don’t expect Jason to weave you into his life, to fit you in wherever he can, in between saving Gotham, in between research, in between servings tables, but here you are in one of the library’s function rooms with your hair tied away from your face and Jason’s extra Wonder Woman apron wrapped around your waist. Today’s hobby exploration is pottery.

“I have to say,” you start, easing yourself onto your stool, grinning at Jason as he does the same, dwarfing his seat. “I did not expect this.”

“It’s new,” he says with a shrug, already bringing out his materials, setting aside the tools in an orderly line on the table beside him and then unwrapping his clay. “Babs brought home a brochure from the library, and I figured why not?”

“You do know I’ll be humming Unchained Melody the entire time, right?” You follow his lead, only throwing your slab of clay onto the wheel as opposed to just simply putting it on. It lands off center, so you pick it up and do it properly. Which is, disappointing.

“You wouldn’t be the first one.”

“Probably won’t be the last either.”

The instructor comes in and tells the class that you’ll be making bowls today. She shows some examples, bowls of different heights, widths, and depths, even some wonky looking ones with “character.” You think that you probably won’t make anything that can properly hold food, so you settle to make something small, something that can maybe hold your paper clips and those cute erasers you keep buying but never use. After a few safety reminders, the instructor wishes everyone luck, advises patience, and says that she’s always available for questions and assistance.

Oh. And to have fun. Of course.

Your classmates begin the activity almost immediately, even Jason is already wetting his clay, wheel spinning as he envelopes the lump in his hands, putting pressure on each side to make the lump slimmer and taller. He wipes excess clay on the rim of his water bucket before getting back to work, pushing his clay downwards with the palm of his left hand.

“You gonna get started, angel?” He asks, attention still on his work, molding the clay like it’s nothing. “Or are you just gonna ogle at me? I get it. I’m irresistible.”

You blink, a little dazed, before letting out a huff, blowing a few strands of hair out of your face. “Ugh. You wish, Todd.”

Jason lets out a soft laugh, a sort of raspy sound, and you force yourself to not look at him, to look at your dry lump of clay. You wet both your hands and the clay before spinning the wheel, slowly at first, trying to get the feel of the peddle, before picking up the speed and repeating what Jason did to his project.

You press the clay together, watching it grow tall before it flies off the center of your wheel.

“Ah!” You yelp, drawing the attention of those sitting closest to you. And the instructor. Who was coincidentally behind you. “I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologize,” the instructor says kindly, wiping her hands on her apron.

“Was I going too fast?”

The instructor looks at the lump. “You’ve probably made it a bit too tall. No worries. It’s fixable.”

So, you slap the clay back in the center, ignore Jason’s gaze, and repeat your steps. Molding the clay, trying to find peace and serenity in the activity. Because Jason said pottery is good for stress, but you feel like you’ve never been more stressed before.

(Okay. That’s a lie. You were a hostage to a bunch of Freaks just the other month, but that’s different.)

You spend about thirty minutes in silence, brows furrowed, bottom lip between your teeth in concentration, your clay is finally listening to you, stretching and shrinking with the guidance of your hands. You think that maybe you’ve gotten the hang of it, and you take a break, your ankle hurting from the peddle, looking over to see that Jason’s clay already looks like a bowl. It’s impressive really, how quickly he’s able to make one while yours is still shapeless. You watch him use one of his tools on the inside rim of his bowl, opening it further.

“That looks like a ramen bowl,” you tell him once his wheel stops spinning. He wipes excess clay off his hands once more before turning his attention to you. To your project.

“Angel,” he says, mouth quirking. “What is that?”

“Clay,” you say lamely. “It’s clay, Jason.”

“Do you need help?”

“Please.” Because although you can always ask the instructor, you’ve seen her flit from one student to the next, guiding different molds of clay, helping create different kinds of bowls, and you don’t want to keep her from someone whose project actually has potential. That, and you’re the only one in the room who still has a lump, and you’re sort of embarrassed.

“C’mon. It’s easy,” Jason says, already by your side. “Start the wheel up again.”

And you do, you press on the peddle, gaining momentum and mold the clay the same way you’ve been doing the past how many minutes.

“Good, that’s good,” Jason says and you bite your lip once more to keep yourself grounded because he’s so close to you now, practically cheek to cheek as he moves in to help. And. You don’t know what you’re feeling but whatever it is, it’s not appropriate for pottery class. “Now dip your thumb in the center. Yeah, just like that.”

And you follow his instructions, trying to pace yourself because you don’t want your clay to go flying again. So, you apply pressure with your left thumb, using your right hand to help guide your thumb outwards, pressing against the clay so that the hole you created gets bigger.

“Careful,” Jason says, voice soft. “You don’t want it to be too wide.”

“Got it,” you breathe out.

“Now let’s make it a bit taller. Wet the clay.”

You do as he says. He tells you to pinch the base and slowly move your hand up the wall of your bowl to make it taller. It’s starting to look like a wide Japanese teacup. And you think that maybe you can stop here, quit while you’re ahead.

But there’s a little devil over your shoulder telling you that if you stop now, then Jason’s going to go back to his seat. And do you really want that?

“What’s next?”

He hands you the same tool he was using to widen the rim of his bowl and you try your best to mimic what he did. But you get excited, you do a bit too much. And your bowl is starting to look a little like a plate.

“Jason,” you all but whine. “It, it does not want to bowl!”

“Easy there, angel. There’s still hope.” He looks at it for a second, studying it. You wonder what goes on through his mind, what he sees in your bowl-plate. Because it’s starting to look like you should maybe start from scratch, turn it into a lump again. Or start over with a new one. “Here—let’s just do this.”

And he guides your hand back to the clay, tells you to spin the wheel, and to your surprise he doesn’t let go. Instead, his hands lightly cover yours, using you to mold the clay to his liking.

“Oh my God,” you say. “Jason. We’re Ghost.”

“What?” He’s a bit distracted, guiding you to mold the bowl upwards, to make it less plate like.

“Ghost. We’re having a Ghost moment.” You don’t care about your project right now. Because this is a once in lifetime moment. So, you turn your head slightly, lips angled to his ear, and you softly sing, “Oh, my love, my darling…”

And Jason jerks so suddenly that your bowl goes flying. It soars through the sky before making an impressive splat on the ground. The class bursts out in laughter, but you can’t bring yourself to care, to be embarrassed, because you’re too busy looking at Jason, watching how red creeps up his neck and paints his cheeks and ears. And you’re pretty sure you look exactly the same. Because everything is catching up to you, your mind going haywire.

And you have to wonder if he’s feeling the same things as you. If his heart is beating against his chest so hard, so violently, like it wants to burst out. Because yours is trying to break through your ribs and fly over to Jason in hopes that he catches it.

…

It’s something that he’s used to doing. Patching someone up. With a job like his, it’s not easy to go to the hospital, to explain why you’re all banged up, with broken bones and burns on your skin. More so if you can’t manage to get out of uniform, too tired, too much in pain to peel off all the layers. It’s why all of them know first aid, it’s why Alfred can perform surgery. It’s just easier that way. Convenient.

Jason’s pretty good at dressing wounds and setting bones straight. He’s had to do it to himself a couple of times, too, and he likes to think he’s healed up pretty nicely, his scars could honestly look a whole lot worse.

He just never expected to have to do the same for her. Never in his life did he want to be in this situation, disinfecting her wounds and wrapping her hand. And that makes him nervous. Because he doesn’t want to screw up, doesn’t want to cause her any more pain than what she’s already in.

Because she’s pretty banged up. There’s a cut on her lip and one of the first things Jason tended to was the wound on her cheek. They had to squeeze into his small bathroom as he helped her wash, disinfect, and bandage the soft skin. He didn’t have any make up remover, so she still has mascara darkening the skin under her eyes. Her hair’s a mess, frizzed and knotted from being pulled, from being wrapped around someone’s fist, and her clothes are dirty, the knees of her jeans ripped.

When Jason first saw her, he wanted to go back to the people who did this, do something so much worse than what they did to her, but the logical part of him hit before he left, reminding him that although she isn’t broken, she’s battered and bruised and needs help being put back together.

So, he places the bandage at the inside of her wrist, just below her thumb, and begins wrapping it around her wrist, once, twice, before going diagonally, towards her pinky finger, then straight across the other fingers, and finally going back down the back of her hand. He repeats the process a few more times, wrapping the bandage in a sort of figure of eight motion. And she’s a trooper, really, not complaining one bit even though he knows it must hurt no matter how careful he’s being.

“You know,” he begins, clearing his throat. “When I taught you how to throw a punch, I didn’t think you’d actually to do it.”

“If you don’t want me to defend myself, then don’t teach me self-defense,” she says, pouting.

“I just hate that you had to do it all.”

“It could have been worse. If you didn’t teach me at all, it could have been so much worse.”

It’s supposed to be comforting. She’s saying thank you, she’s saying that because he taught her this, he protected her. But Jason still hates it. Wishes that he was there to show that mobster who the hell he thinks he’s fighting. He tries to find solace in the fact that Batgirl swooped in when she did, stopping things from escalating further, from getting to the point where he couldn’t fix her on his own.

“I’m pretty shit at keeping promises, huh?” He does one final round around her wrist before securing the bandage.

"Jason, no, honey, don’t say that.” She tries to touch him, to bring her hand up to cradle his face but then she winces, remembering why she can’t, the injury forgotten in the wake of reassuring him. “It was just some bad luck.”

“You didn’t use to have bad luck.”

And for some reason, she smiles. She smiles at this, this unfortunate turn of events, and Jason can’t figure out why.

“You remember,” she says, and now, now Jason understands. It’s something from their shared past. The fact that she never used to find herself in these types of situations. “It’s fine, Jason. No one walks alone at night without knowing the risks.”

“I still hate it.” He pinches the tip of her finger to check for circulation, to make sure he didn’t wrap her hand too tight. When the color comes back, he pinches it again.

“Same, but it’s done and, really, it could have been worse. My bag wasn’t stolen. I’m still alive. And I’m pretty sure I gave that jerk a black eye before Batgirl broke his face.”

There’s an excited look on her face now, a sparkle in her eyes.

“It was amazing, Jason! This guy thought he can just rough me up, take my things, and then POW I gave him the good one-two, y’know? He didn’t even see it coming! He lost his balance. He fell! And he was pissed, he’s so pissed that I did that to him that he didn’t even notice Batgirl gliding in before BAM she flips him over her shoulder and kicks him in the face!”

And Jason is smiling now, too, loving that although this bad thing happened, she’s not letting it ruin her night. She finds something about it that’s good and maybe he should be concerned that she does, that she’s getting excited over Batgirl kicking some mobster’s ass, but hell, he feels the hype, can imagine the takedown. And he makes a mental note to thank Barbara again for being there.

“You think you can teach me that, too?” She asks once she’s calmed down. She’s breathing heavily and Jason hands her the bottle of water he told her to drink ages ago but has remained untouched.

“I’d prefer it if you ran away from trouble, but sure. You’re gonna have to work up to it though—lift some weights if you’re thinking of throwing down grown men.”

“Ugh. Heavy lifting. Let’s put this on the maybe pile of weekend activities. So, how has your night been?”

Jason wonders if he should talk about it. If he should mention the progress they’ve made on Batman’s last case, or maybe explain to her how and why the temperature dropped so drastically last week. And maybe warn her against accepting anything from a Dr. Q, because you can’t trust Harley, not really. But he thinks that maybe telling her all this will scare her, make her realize how much worse tonight could have gone if she went face to face with someone stronger.

And he doesn’t want to make this night worse when it already looks like it’s getting better.

But he doesn’t want to lie, either. Because this is different than his usual relationships outside the Belfry, outside those he’s made as a vigilante. She knows him, both inside and outside the helmet, so he doesn’t need to talk in code, doesn’t need to make up some obscure job, or excuse. And sure, he’s had relationships like that before, too, but this is different somehow.

She’s different. And he’ll probably never say it out loud, but something about her just makes him want to bare it all, to let her see all the ugliness in him, to see if she’ll still want to be with him after, to see if she’ll still call him friend, if maybe, just maybe, they could be more than just that, but at the same time, he wants to shield her away from it all, to keep her at a distance so she’ll never know, so that she’ll keep looking at him the way she does. Because he doesn’t want to risk it, to risk her leaving.

“It’s been… alright,” he begins and decides that she can tell him herself how much she wants to know. “You want the shorthand or the blow by blow?”

“Really?” And she surprised, confused. “You’ll really tell me everything?”

“Well, maybe not everything,” Jason backtracks. She knows who he is, but can he really believe that she hasn’t figured out the rest? He thinks that maybe once you know one secret identity, you know them all, but people can surprise you with how easily they can connect the dots, or how dense they can be. “Somethings I think it’s safer if you don’t know.”

“Oh, yeah. I can see that. You can’t torture out information I don’t have.”

“No one’s going to torture you, angel.”

“Of course not, because you’ll stop them.”

And she looks at him in a way that makes him feel ten feet tall. Full of trust. Full of something that he thinks can somehow, someway, someday turn into love. But not yet. They’re not there yet, but he can feel it, deep down, that they can get there, one day. If they just keep nurturing this thing between them, allow it to grow.

And when it does, when they allow it to blossom, then she’ll know, she’ll know that he’ll do more, that he’s capable of doing more than just simply stopping someone from hurting her.

Because he’s made a promise and if anyone dares to touch her again, to hurt her, to do worse than what she’s experienced so far, he’ll become something worse than the monsters in the night.

...

Chapter 6

[ragingbookdragon]

“Ma, if I were to jump off the ledge of Wayne Enterprises and land on Tim do you think it would kill both of us in the process or just him?”

She blinked at the skillet of sizzling steak meat and eggs, brows beginning to furrow, then she looked over at the kitchen table to see Jason glaring at his younger brother. “Isn’t it too early for you two to be up each other’s asses like this?”

“Timberly ate my last protein bar,” Jason retorted.

“And you’re upset why?”

“Because it was the last one before I had to order more. I was saving it for later.”

She nodded her head. “In that case, landing on him from that height would probably kill you both. Now, if you jumped from the manor—”

“MOM!” Tim shouted, obviously offended. “WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?!”

“You did eat his last protein bar,” she said, and he threw his arms above his head.

“HE TOLD ME I COULD!”

“Not the blueberry scone flavored one, you shitbag,” Jason griped.

The two brothers glowered at one another, and she rolled her eyes, going back to the skillet. “Maybe if I pretend they’re not there, they’ll stop fighting,” she muttered and someone huffed a laugh beside her, wrapping their arm around her waist as their lips brushed her temple.

“Not quite, darling.”

She leaned into him. “Good morning, dear. How’d you sleep?”

Bruce nodded. “Pretty good. Whatever that tea was you gave me last night, it knocked me out.”

“Probably because it was a horse tranquilizer, old man,” Jason cracked from the table causing the siblings around to snicker while Bruce stuck his tongue out at him.

She finally looked over at Bruce, spatula stilling in the skillet as she took in his appearance. He wore a dark charcoal suit, jacket unbuttoned, and a light blue dress shirt, with the first couple buttons undone; a simple gold chain hung there at the base of his throat. “Did you…why are…when did you get that shirt?” she asked, and he met her gaze then looked down.

“I don’t know. It was in the closet.” He picked up an apple from the basket and leaned back in and pressed a kiss to her lips; she could smell his cologne and as he pulled away, he murmured, “I’ve gotta get to work. I love you, darling.”

She blinked as he walked away and kissed each of his kid’s heads before exiting through the door leading to the garage; hurrying, she passed Dick the spatula and said, “Dick, stir that in the skillet for a minute, would you?”

“I, wait—what? Mom?” suddenly, he gagged. “Oh God, I should’ve seen that coming.”

She disappeared through the door that Bruce had gone out of, and Damian looked between his siblings who all had disgusted looks on their faces. “What is happening?”

“Don’t ask, short-stack,” Jason muttered and stood up. “Who wants to kill me again?”

“Me,” Tim answered. “But kill me first though.”

“I am confused,” Damian said.

Cass rose from the table. “Nasty.”

“Agreed,” Duke groaned.

“Will someone explain what is happening?” Damian said.

Dick finally looked over and shouted, “OH, FOR GOD’S SAKES DAMIAN, THEY’RE GONNA HAVE SEX IN THE GARAGE!” Everyone immediately groaned and Damian’s expression pulled in disgust. “JUST GO! EVERYONE OUT OF THE KITCHEN! AWAY!”

[incorrectbatfam]

Things that would happen at Bruce and Selina’s wedding (everything gone right, wrong, and just plain funny)

They took their pre-wedding photos on top of a skyscraper with Tim as their photographer, but when he backed up to get a wider shot he fell over the railing and Dick had to grapple down and catch him while wearing a tuxedo

Steph collaborated with the cake decorators to go all out, including Bruce and Selina's while journey drawn in frosting and sparklers on top... in Spoiler colors

Damian and Jon were playing hide-and-seek with Billy Batson and Lucy Quinn during the reception and no one could find the boys, so a mass search with vigilantes and police officers alike ensued. It took an hour, but finally they were found when the theater called Bruce to let him know they tried to sneak into an R-rated movie

Bruce showed up to the wrong venue

While trying to get some one-on-one time at the bachelorette party, Harley and Ivy locked themselves in a hotel supply closet and the only person with the tools to get them out was the stripper firefighter with a pink crowbar

Dinah caught the bouquet and immediately threw it to Kate saying, "I'm already married!"

When repeating his vows, Bruce accidentally said, "I, Clark Kent"

Also during the vows, Clark's phone went off playing Cotton-Eye Joe and Bruce just slowly clapped and said, "My best man, everyone"

One more vow mishap: Roy tried to start the wave

Dick ripped his pants doing a somersault from the chandelier

Bud chewed up Holly Robinson's shoes and she had to wear flip-flops

Damian adopted a coyote puppy he found digging through the trash

The Flash family drove to the wrong Gotham

Duke sneezed before the "I do," accidentally elbowing the fire alarm

Jason slowly switched seats throughout the wedding so he could sit next to Diana

At the rehearsal, Cass was holding one of the clip-on mics that the officiant used and brought it with her to the bathroom, where everyone could hear her do her business

Bruce invited some of his coworkers, forgot he invited them, and then asked "What are you guys doing here?" when they showed up

Lian was the flower girl but instead of flower petals, she mistakenly threw the rice that was supposed to be for the end

Babs requested a song before the reception started and the DJ put it at the top of the list, accidentally replacing the song Bruce and Selina were supposed to dance to

Without telling anyone, Jason decided to start a new tradition of firing blanks while the bride and groom kissed

Young Justice got a whole tier of the cake to themselves

Harper's wedding speech started with "Bruce might've been in his emo phase since he was eight, he might've dropped out of med school, and he might not know how to crack an egg..."

The party bus Clark rented for the bachelor party caught on fire on the side of the highway

Alfred downed 7 glasses of champagne and loudly confessed that he never thought Bruce would get married

Hal's still bitter that he couldn't convince Bruce to wear the Batman cowl

They waited until an hour before the wedding to teach Duke how to tie a tie

Lucius and Luke got balcony seats so they could see everything. They were the only ones up there and Bruce kept looking at them during the ceremony

Carrie put a bath bomb in the decorative fountain

Nobody knows what happened to the cheese plate. Nobody except Cullen

Steph did the electric slide right into the speakers

Comm. Gordon had to leave in the middle to arrest the Joker

Babs accidentally wore Alfred's socks

Selina thought it'd be funny to wear a pair of granny panties around her thigh instead of a garter

To kick off the reception, Bruce held up a piece of bread and said, "I'd like to make a toast"

[mochegato]

Even the Losers

Chapter 4

Chapter 1     Chapter 3

“We have a problem,” Tim grumbled as he stumbled into the dining room.  He threw the morning newspaper down on the table, letting it slide the last few feet until it stopped millimeters short of Bruce’s coffee.

Bruce sputtered his eggs and grabbed the paper, staring at the picture of him speaking with Marinette and Adrien that took up the entire front page above the fold.  He threw the paper back on the table.  “Son of a b…”

“We’ve been getting calls from PR all morning,” Tim interrupted him before Alfred got upset with Bruce for his language. “Because they’ve been getting calls from every newspaper, news station, blog, and interested citizen in the world, calling to ask them about it.”  

Tim poured himself a large cup of coffee, larger than usual.  He’d had patrol last night and gotten woken up at the crack of dawn this morning with calls about the story. So he was running on all of three hours of sleep and just wanted to crawl back into bed, but with this story, there was no chance of him getting to bed until after tonight’s patrol had already left.

It didn’t help that he was beating himself up for not picking up on the cues she was giving that night.  He’d run into her.  He and Stephanie had talked to her.  He saw her freeze up when she realized who he was.  He knew she was acting off, he just hadn’t thought it was nefarious.  If anything, it seemed hurt, not scared.  He should have caught onto her body language. He should have noticed how she seemed to freeze when he mentioned the family.  She must have thought he was fishing, letting her know he was onto her and her plan to do this.  

“You’d think after all the false alarms they’ve reported in the past that they’d know better by now.  Not every black haired, blue eyed child is a Wayne.  I’ve had PR draft up a statement that while we appreciate her support for the orphans, she is not, in fact, a Wayne,” he finished, taking a bite of his muffin, missing Bruce’s grimace.

Damian grabbed the paper, wrinkling it in his clenched fists as he scanned the text.  “She must have orchestrated the whole thing to put this out.  How else would they know these details?”

“No,” Dick commented thoughtfully, prying the paper away from Damian to take a look at the picture.  “If she was in on it she would have put on a better act.  Look at the image.  She isn’t playing into it.  She looks scared, not excited to ‘introduce her fiancé to her family’.” Dick quoted. He briefly scanned the paper for more information.

All the evidence appeared to be the picture, her physical features, and some call logs to her parent’s business.  Dick scrunched up his face with concern.  While not damning, it was interesting.  He didn’t know any reason Bruce would have to contact a bakery in Paris.  “Not to mention the story would have gone out yesterday for a bigger circulation boost. Sundays are the big press days. They wouldn’t have waited until Monday. That suggests they researched, or rather stole the information.  And no quotes from her in here.”

“Fine,” Damian growled, acquiescing to his logic. “Maybe she did it after the fact. She saw the opportunity and took it.”

“No,” Bruce admitted quietly.  “She wouldn’t have had to do that.”  The room seemed to become still as everyone turned to face him.  “If she wanted this story to go out she could have put it out at any time.  And she would have played up the dance, would have sought me out at the gala.  But she didn’t.”

“What dance?” Duke asked cautiously, his focus entirely on Bruce now.

“I asked her to dance.  She said no.  Ran away as quickly as she could actually,” Bruce chuckled self-deprecatingly as he stared at the paper in Dick’s hands.

Damian blinked at him as though the longer he stared the clearer what was happening would become.  But no matter how hard he stared, the image didn’t become clearer. If anything, things became hazier. “This could all be a clever ruse. She wants to appear innocent so when you confront her she can point out that she didn’t do those things.  It says she’s an aspiring designer.  This could all be for publicity.”

“She wouldn’t have to go through all that,” Bruce stated again, more finality in his voice.  He finally looked up, but still didn’t make eye contact with any of them.

Dick stared at Bruce, taking in his response, letting the words and their broader meaning sink in.  The words he wasn’t saying hung in the room like thick smoke, winding their way into everything they touched, stealing the air out of the room.  “What are you saying Bruce?” Dick asked cautiously

“The story’s true, isn’t it,” Tim observed.  It was a statement more than a question.  

Bruce nodded with a sigh.  “Except for the meeting her fiancé part.”

Tim knew it was true even before Bruce’s verbal acknowledgement.  The pieces suddenly fit together.  It was the only thing that made sense.  That’s why her reactions were off.  That matched.   He saw her face when they told her the gala was to celebrate family.  He saw her body language change sharply when Stephanie joked about Bruce taking in everyone he saw.  He wasn’t sure what to make of it at the time and didn’t really even try because it didn’t seem relevant and they had more important issues to think about, namely celebrating Duke.  After the story, he thought the reactions were a tell.  But now… now that he knew, they were a tell, but for something else entirely.

She was trying to be polite about it, not letting on how hard it was hitting.  And oh God, didn’t that make it worse.  Everything they said had been cordial, joking at Bruce’s expense, at their own expense. But with the new knowledge… it was at hers.  They weren’t jokes, they were digs.  They were attacks.  They were him putting her ‘in her place’; out of the family.  Tim took in a shuttering breath and collapsed on the couch, his head in his hands.

He would have so much to apologize for.  He would have to find her and make sure she knew he didn’t mean his words the way they must have come across.  He knew how it felt to not be accepted.  He knew how it felt to not feel loved by your parents. He knew how it felt to have your place in the family questioned constantly, to be attacked, to be unwelcome. He wouldn’t wish that on enemies, let alone family.

“Who is she, Father?” Damian demanded.

Bruce met his eyes, guilt swimming in his own.  “She’s your half-sister.  Her mother and step-father have been raising her in Paris,” Bruce answered calmly.

Damian fought the gasp his lungs demanded against his will.  His father was confirming it.  He was acknowledging her.  But never trusted them with the information.  “Were you ever going to tell us?” Damian finally asked with forced coolness

“I was letting the dust settle on introducing Duke before I broached it,” Bruce hedged.

“So you just found out,” Damian asked angrily.  That would make sense.  It wasn’t that he didn’t trust them, him.  It was that he didn’t know until recently.  Of course that was what happened.

“No.”

Damian gaped at him, his hastily built protective construct shattering with one word.  “How long have you known?”

“Since she was born.”  Damian gaped at him.  He’d known. He’d known since before Damian came to live with them and still never told them.  He didn’t trust him.  Even after all he’d done, he still didn’t trust him.  And now he was letting this unknown, this daughter, even just thinking the word made him wrinkle his nose in disgust, do whatever she wanted.  He trusted her but not him.

“You have a daughter, a biological daughter you’ve known about for decades and that you never told us about,” Dick asked again in a daze.  He fell into a chair staring at Bruce incredulously.  There was no way.  He wouldn’t. He couldn’t.  He loved kids.  He loved his kids.  Why would he send one away?  He hadn’t even wanted to do that to Jason.

“So I wasn’t the only one who didn’t know?” Duke asked. He looked around, taking in the stunned, disbelieving, hurt expressions.

“Not just you,” Damian gritted out.  

Duke sucked in a breath and pulled out his phone, texting Jason and Cass to let them know what was happening.  They were going to want to know as soon as possible too. All of them were going to have questions and issues with this information.  And if the conversation went on much longer, they may want to be involved.

“Why was she there last night?  What did she want?  Surely she wouldn’t have come without a plan,” Damian pressed.  Nobody had access to the kind of power and money they had and just walked away.  If she was presenting herself and not to them, to the press, there must be a reason, a plot.  They needed to find out more about her to figure it out.  “How did she get a ticket in the first place?”  That might be a place to start.  It would give an insight into her accomplices and they could be pressed later for more information.

Bruce sighed and looked back down at his food, pushing the plate away, no longer hungry in the slightest.  “I can’t answer how she got her ticket.  As to why she was there, she was there to talk about a position for a friend of hers… with Lucius apparently, not me.”

“She was using her name to get her subpar friend a job,” Damian spat in disgust.  There had to be more though.  With their name, she could get much, much more.  This had to be an opening gambit.  The job must be placing an operative, loyal to her, within their institution.  Next was the stunt with the press.  They needed to figure out her next steps.

“No,” Bruce insisted.  “She didn’t mention her association.  He doesn’t know… well, he does now.  He spoke to me after the gala, said he discovered one of our managers is stealing ideas and there was someone he was going to spend the weekend researching but he was excited about hiring him.  Luthor is trying to hire him, so if we don’t act fast we’ll lose him.  I’m betting that was her friend.”

“You don’t know that,” Damian growled out.  “That could be a coincidence.”

“I’ll confirm with Lucius today, but it fits with what I know,” Bruce insisted calmly.  “From what her mother has told me over the years, it’s the kind of thing she would do; go well out of her way to help a friend.  And her mother let me know she was planning on attending the gala to talk about hiring her friend.  I just thought she was going to talk to me.”

“Why didn’t you tell us,” Dick asked breathlessly. He was staring at Bruce with hurt saturating his eyes.  He heard nothing after Bruce admitting he’d known about her and never told them.  He was aware Bruce had been saying things for the last few minutes but none of it had registered.  None of it was what he needed to know.  

Bruce sighed and ran his hand over his face.  “Nobody knew.  Nobody but me and her mother and step-father.  It was easier that way.”  Easier to pretend was left unsaid.  Easier for Bruce to pretend like he hadn’t cut her out of his life, like he didn’t regret it every day.  Easier for Bruce to try to forget.

“Not even her?” Duke asked.

“Not even her,” Bruce confirmed with a sigh.  He ran his hand over his face.

“Why?”  Dick was staring at him in wide eyed confusion.  It didn’t make sense.  None of it made sense.  He’d been with Bruce for twenty years and never heard a whisper of a biological daughter. But she existed.  And he knew.  Bruce took a deep breath and Dick scowled.  “I swear to God, B, if you say some dumbass excuse like to protect her…”

“She has a happy life.  Her mother and step-father love her beyond words.  They support her, love her, encourage her.  They’re there for her whenever she needs it.  They never miss an event.  Family dinners every night.  She has friends… a good life.  She’s safe.  She never had to worry about defending herself.  She never had to be taught what to do when she got kidnapped.  Never had to… doesn’t remember seeing the people around her dead from the latest rogue attack.  Not like what she would have here…” he again left the last part of the sentence off. The “with me” was left for everyone to fill in on their own.

“You’re a good father,” Tim assured him weakly, because at this point, with this information…

“I hope so.”  Bruce gave him a weak smile.  “But when she was born…  I had an obligation.  I had a responsibility.”

“She was your responsibility!” Dick yelled, his face suddenly contorting in anger and frustration with Bruce.

Bruce looked away stoically, face suddenly a mask devoid of emotion.  “She had a better option and I made sure she got it.”

The room was silent for a few moments while his words settled in.  The only sound was Dick seething in his seat.  “But she doesn’t know you?  You never visited.  You never interacted with her.  Even not telling her who you were to her,” Tim clarified.

Bruce shook his head.  “I visited her final project for her degree a few weeks ago under the guise of research for the fabric project.  She’s a designer.  I was hoping to get her in on the fabric project.  I thought it would be a good cover to get her comfortable with the family. But I didn’t talk with her while I was there.”  He chuckled slightly at the memory.  “I couldn’t even get close.  There were too many people talking to her, congratulating her, offering her internships. Her work was beautiful.”

“But you’ve talked with her parents,” Tim checked.

He sighed and waved his hand helplessly.  “I spoke with Sabine every so often to check on Marinette, make sure she was okay.  I helped pay for her schooling, but even that was disguised as an investment into her parents’ company.”

“So her parents were having you pay for their company, holding the secret over your head,” Damian spat out.

“No!” Bruce growled.  He knew Damian was having a hard time with this.  Hell, that’s one of the main reasons he waited so long, because he knew Damian wouldn’t react well.  Damian would have taken it as an attack on his position in the family.  And after the way he treated Tim and Dick when he first found out about them… They could protect themselves against his attacks. She wouldn’t have been able to. He didn’t know how far Damian would actually go and he didn’t want Damian to have to find out either.  He had been waiting until Damian was more settled, more secure in the family and their unconditional love for him before he reached out to her.  But he wasn’t going to let him disparage Sabine and Tom.  They’d been nothing but understanding.

“They only let me put in the amount for tuition. They wouldn’t allow me to give any more than that and Marinette got a scholarship for her university so she didn’t need any assistance.  I tried to keep giving them money for her to at least have spending money but they refused. They stopped accepting the transfers. They only relented when I said it would look suspicious.  So they’ve been creating a trust for her with it.”

Damian grumbled and looked away.  Whatever their game was, they were certainly good at it.

Bruce dropped his head into his hands.  “Nobody was supposed to know about her until I was sure it was safe,” Bruce grumbled into his hands.  “Until I’d had a chance to talk to everyone about it.”

“Well now everyone knows, so maybe now is a good time to start trying to make that connection,” Dick growled.

“If she’ll let us,” Tim added.  He remembered the look in her eyes when he talked about his… their family.  

“It’s never too late to start trying to bond,” Dick insisted.  His eyes were bordering on wild.  They could bring this back, right?  The family had come back from worse.  They’d faced steeper hills.  Hell, Damian tried to kill them when he first came.  Jason had also tried to kill them all more than once when he came back. She couldn’t be that bad.  They just had to make the first move.  “We just have to let her know we want to.”

Tim shook his head and looked down, not at all convinced it really was as easy as that.  Tim was awkward on a good day.  He could make friends but usually they made the first move.  He was pretty certain she wouldn’t make the first move in this instance.  Damian wouldn’t accept her, period.  Dick would crowd her.  Jason would… whatever Jason did, probably disappear.  She wasn’t a Robin so he probably wouldn’t try to kill her.  Cass would try, but her success depended on Marinette understanding what Cass wasn’t saying.  And Bruce… Bruce was never good at understanding emotions or sympathizing. Honestly, their best hope was Duke.

Duke breathed out a deep sigh and looked away. This family was not easy to get along with or find your place with.  And bonding with each other?  He managed because he fought next to them.  They bonded in the field, in their suits.  He wasn’t sure if they realized that about themselves.  If they interacted outside the suits it was because of the bond they formed inside them.  She wouldn’t have that opportunity and without it…  The prognosis was not good.

“What are you going to do, B?” Tim asked tentatively. “Because whatever your plans were, now she knows and she’s dealing with it on her own.  She… You need to talk to her.”

Bruce sucked in a breath and massaged his temples.  “I know.”  

“And you need to apologize,” Dick added firmly.

Bruce nodded.  “I know.”

“No, you don’t,” Dick growled.  “You have no idea what has to be going through her head right now.”  He grabbed his bag and stalked out of the manor, slamming the door as he left.

“And you need to decide what we’re going to tell the public,” Tim added.  “We need to put a statement out soon.”

“I know,” Bruce agreed.  His voice this time was more detached.  That was something he would have to decide, but that wasn’t the priority right now and not something he wanted to do without her input.  

He needed to come up with a new plan and quickly. This was nothing like the one he had come up with.  He was supposed to have more time.  He was supposed to be able to ease into this.  He was supposed to be able to feel things out before deciding a path.  He was supposed to control the environment and how his family found out.  

But now he was thrown into it, they all were, and he had no idea how to proceed.  He didn’t know her well enough to anticipate how she would react to the situation or to him. He didn’t know her well enough yet to know the best way to approach her.  He needed to come up with a game plan.  He sighed heavily.  He had to get into the office, not show anything out of the ordinary.  And once he was behind his office door, he could talk to Sabine.  She would know what to do.

Chapter 5

Tags:

@maribat-bdbwm @jayjayspixiepop @redscarlet95 @alice-hazelwood @deathssilentapproach-blog @unoriginalmess @alyssadeliv @emotionalsupportginger @frieddonutsweets @when-no-wings-do-broomsticks @toodaloo-kangaroo @colorfulmongerpsychicranch @iloontjeboontje @wolf-for-life @maribatserver

[danny-chase]

Batfam Cooking Headcanons

Dick:

Look, the guy does live in Blüdhaven all by himself, so realistically I think he's exactly like me

That is, he learns how to make like 5 different meals and stops there

Learning more is just... time consuming

And this makes nutrition easier to keep track of

(That last one is a lie, he compensates with vitamins, protein drinks, and energy bars)

Tim:

Literally lives off frozen meals and mack and cheese

Making pasta from the box and warming up sauce and meatballs is his idea of a fancy night

Also supplements with vitamins, protein drinks, and shakes

He drinks those meal replacement drinks too

In terms of actual cooking ability, he's fine with supervision

(he accidentally microwaved plastic and now no one trusts him - in his defense it was 3am)

Cass:

Cooking + Cass = no

She has 0 interest in cooking

Could she learn? Probably

Does she want to? No

Alfred and Barbara do meal planning for her and just label the containers with dates, times, and microwave instructions

Damian:

Has cooked an extremely limited number of times

Was inordinately proud of himself for making box brownies all by himself

He did however leave a massive mess in his wake because he had no idea where anything was

The brownies came out fine though

This put him in the requires supervision category as well

He will begrudgingly help Dick make brownies if he pretends he doesn't know how

Damian: Grayson, we did this two weeks ago, surely you have mastered this by now

Dick: pleaaase it's hard i don't know how to crack an egg

Damian still hasn't put together that Dick is in fact capable of making brownies

Duke:

He knows the basics of cooking and can follow a recipe to the letter

Where he gets in trouble is the experimentation part

Duke: but what if I put jello on top hmmmm

When he breaks from the recipe it's either perfection or absolute trash

He just finds recipes boring

And if things turn out bad, Tim is a garbage disposal when it comes to food, so he just blends it and passes it over

Alfred ensures he gets the proper nutrition

Barbara and Jason:

Both can cook and actually try to vary their diet

They both scream at the others for being disasters on a monthly basis in the group chat

[themaribatpit]

Jasonette July Day 7: Guns

Written by: The Maribat Pit  @jasonette-july-event Prompt: Guns Rated: T  Everyone was returning to the Batcave after a satisfying night on patrol.  Steph had been at Barbara’s side for 30 minutes now, having just come back from her turn on patrol.  Dick and Tim had just arrived, they had just cracked the case on a string of robberies that had taken place.  Dick and Barbara were hoping this meant that Tim would get a decent amount of sleep for the first time in over a week.  Jason and Marinette arrived moments later, Jason felt the need to do an Akira-style handbrake turn as his motorcycle came to a stop, sending a plume of dust towards the others.  “Show off” Tim grumbled, Dick rolled his eyes knowing full well he was the one who taught him how to do it.  Marinette hopped off the back of the motorcycle, wearing her red polka dotted hoodie and cloth domino mask.  It didn’t have the same abilities as the real Ladybug suit, but it kept her warm and hid her civilian identity. Jason steps off his bike and takes off his helmet, revealing a large smirk on his face. “You’re just jealous you failed your driver’s test, Replacement.” The nearby elevator dings, its doors open to reveal Alfred with a trolley of food. “Master Todd, if you could please refrain from drifting in the Batcave. You're not the one who has to sweep the floors.” Jason sheepishly scratches the back of his head, “Sorry Alfred.” 

 Alfred pushes the trolley to a nearby table, “Breakfast today is eggs, bacon, pancakes, hash browns...and yes, a hot bowl of chocolate milk” he gave Marinette a pointed look as he said this.

 Everyone begins to gather around the table, mouths watering and eager for Alfred’s cooking. 

As they began to eat, the conversation of guns somehow began, seeing as Bruce and Damian were still on patrol. “You know, for all the crap you guys give me about being trigger happy, I think all of us have at least touched a gun at some point.” Jason said, “I mean Dick has when he went undercover that one time.” “Still mostly used the escrima sticks though.” Dick piped up. “Barbie was raised by a police commissioner”, Jason pointed out, “ and Steph?” Just when Jason thought Stephanie might be the exception to his theory, she explained “remember that time I went undercover in a boarding school?” They vaguely remembered that time, but Stephanie didn’t really tell them much beyond encountering Professor Pyg on that mission.  “The girls were being trained with handguns, to ‘aim where it hurts the most’.” she explained, everyone else winced as the meaning of her words set in. Jason turns his attention to Marinette ”so Pixie, have you ever used a gun before?” Marinette answers after taking a sip of her hot chocolate. “Only once.” she says quietly.

 Jason bellows a laugh and slams his hand on the table, “Now I gotta hear this.” Everyone around the table turns to Marinette with curiosity as to how she got the chance to handle a gun in Paris. Marinette begins describing her encounter with Malediktator. “To keep it brief, the Mayor was puppeted by the supervillain Hawk Moth. Not only that, Chat Noir was also hypnotised. I called for my lucky charm and I got a rocket launcher.”

 Eyes widened around the table with surprise, everyone had seen Ladybug conjure polka-dotted household items. Never an actual weapon. “What happened next?” asked Barbara. 

Marinette began scratching her cheek sheepishly, “well I ripped off the laser pointer and threw the rocket launcher away.”

 Jason immediately slumped, as if all the excitement and energy had been sucked away. 

This drew everyone’s attention, “Jason looks like he’s in actual physical pain.”  Tim whispered to Dick.  

 “I think those are actual tears in his eyes” Dick whispered back. 

 Jason trembled as he spoke, “what did you do with the laser sight?” he asked.

Marinette continued sipping her hot chocolate, “Well I used the laser pointer to distract Chat Noir.”

 At this point Jason stands straight up, knocking over the chair he was sitting on. “You could've just used the laser pointer with the rocket launcher attached, why did you throw it away?” shouted Jason. 

 Marinette shrugs, “It was heavy, didn’t need it.” Jason felt as if Marinette just betrayed him. “Didn’t need it?” he sobs. 

 Marinette gives Jason an annoyed look, “I had a plan Jay, and it wasn’t ‘Let’s shoot the Mayor’.  I needed to distract Chat Noir and have him knock over the guards, so that Queen Bee could get a clear shot.” she explained. “Plus, I was around 13! It was a well thought out plan. ”

 Jason shot back “A convoluted plan, why can’t you use your lucky charm in a straightforward way like I did?” 

  At this Marinette stood up, pushing the chair back “And beat people up with a purse?” She yelled. 

 “Yes!” Cried Jason.

 As the two began shouting at each other, the others were watching Marinette and Jason argue with growing discomfort.  

 Barbara begins to slowly wheel herself away from the table, while Stephanie puts on her headphones. 

 Dick whispers to Tim, “Should we leave these two to have their lover’s spat?”

 Tim leans towards Dick and whispers back. “Nah, I want to see how it goes. Who knows? Maybe we’ll see them argue on which way to put toilet paper, or how to squeeze toothpaste.”

[fridayfirefly]

Virtual Sleepover

Read Virtual Sleepover on AO3

Masterlist

Written for Maribat March Day 4 - Internet Friends

Quarantine had been rough at Wayne Manor, but for Tim Drake, Marinette Dupain-Cheng was a bright light through it all. Tim was getting ahead of himself, though. The story of Marinette Dupain-Cheng started on March 20th, 2020. Panic over coronavirus was sweeping the nation. Bruce had gathered all of the members of the Wayne family into the dining room to explain the new rules of the house. No one was to go in or out. Groceries would be delivered to the house. There would be no superhero outings for at least two weeks. Tim didn't think his family would be able to survive, trapped in a house together.

So to preserve his sanity, Tim turned to the internet. There were hundreds of cold cases that he had put on the backburner and hundreds of forums and websites dedicated to solving cold cases. Tim turned to the most popular website and started dumping information, hoping for someone to show up and work through it with him. That's how Tim met Marinette. @MarinetteDC showed up on his page with a friend request, a wide range of technical knowledge about textiles and designs, and about seven different theories on a murder case Tim considered all but unsolvable. Her sleep schedule was just as chaotic as Tim's and she also drank a near-inhuman amount of coffee. Marinette Dupain-Cheng enthralled Tim. And when the chaos of his house threatened to make Tim lose his mind, Marinette became his lifeline.

"Can you hear me?"

Tim nodded. "Yep!"

"Nice!" cheered Marinette. Tim relished the opportunity to see her face, even if it was through a zoom call. "So what do we want to do first? I don't have class until Monday, so we have the whole weekend ahead of us."

"I think we should start with the iconic sleepover classic: truth or dare," suggested Tim.

"Alright. Truth or dare, Tim?"

"Dare." Tim was confident in his abilities to pull off any stunt she might come up with. However, his confidence started to fade as he watched a devious look grow on her face.

"I dare you to bake a batch of cookies - any kind of cookies you want - without using a recipe."

Tim blinked, trying to recall the last time he had baked. Besides a few times helping Alfred out in the kitchen, Tim wasn't certain that he had ever used the Wayne Manor kitchen for anything other than brewing coffee and heating frozen pizzas. "Could I have a new dare?"

Marinette shook her head, the grin on her face demonstrating exactly how much fun she was having, watching the panic in Tim's eyes. "I'll give you one hint on how to make them, but only one, so use it wisely."

Tim groaned, unplugging his laptop from its charger so he could move it to the kitchen. "I'm not actually certain I know all of the ingredients in cookies. Or how long you bake them for. I feel like an hour is probably too long, but I feel like half an hour might not be enough time."

On the other side of the screen, Marinette tried to stifle her giggles but was unable to keep them all in. "No offense Tim, but this is going to be a disaster. I can't wait."

Tim let out another groan. "Must you torture me?"

"How about you keep the laptop camera pointed towards the oven, that way I can tell you once something starts to burn?" Marinette joked.

Tim knew that she was teasing, but honestly, he knew he could use all the help he could get. Still, he wanted to preserve at least a little of his dignity. "Very funny," Tim said sarcastically, setting the laptop down on the kitchen counter.

"Start with ingredients," Marinette advised.

"What all goes into a chocolate chip cookie..?" mused Tim. He got out the flour, white and brown sugar, eggs, butter, vanilla extract, and three different types of chocolate chips that Alfred kept stocked.

Marinette raised an eyebrow. "Is that all?"

Tim cast a wary gaze upon his ingredients. It didn't seem like enough, but at the same time he couldn't figure out what he was missing. Tim sighed. "I'm ready to use my hint. Tell me what I forgot."

"You forgot to get out the salt, and more importantly, the baking soda," advised Marinette.

"Can I have a second hint?" asked Tim as he gathered his two missing ingredients.

"That depends on what you're asking," teased Marinette.

"I'm going to start listing measurements, and you tell me if it's too much or not enough."

Marinette pretended to think it over before replying, "I'll do it, but only because I want the cookies to come out edible, not because we're friends or anything like that. There are no friends in the Dupain-Cheng kitchen," said Marinette, her voice filled with faux seriousness.

"Lucky for me, these cookies are being made in the Wayne kitchen, and we're all very nice here, and we don't let Tim burn his cookies."

Marinette giggled. "You have a point there," she acquiesced. "Start listing your measurements."

Tim grabbed the measuring cup and starting approximating. "Two cups flour?"

"That will make about five dozen cookies."

"One cup of each type of sugar?"

Marinette shook her head. "You'll want a 3/4 cup of each."

The rest of the measuring process proceeded smoothly, with Tim guessing measurements of fluctuating accuracy (he correctly guessed that he would need two eggs, but his guess of a half-cup of baking soda led to Marinette questioning whether he had ever been in a kitchen before).  Once Tim got the cookie dough mixed, spooned out onto a tray, and put in the oven, they resumed their game of truth-or-dare.

"Your turn, Marinette. Truth or dare?"

"Truth."

Tim tried to think of a good question to ask. "Since you've now seen how abysmal I am in the kitchen, I want to know one thing that you're terrible at."

Marinette scrunched up her brow. "It's nowhere near as bad as you're inability to crack an egg-"

Tim winced a little, remembering the painstaking process of digging out fragments of eggshell after he completely shattered it in his attempts to crack it.

"-But I have really bad depth perception. I trip over every little crack in the sidewalk. I'm probably the clumsiest person you'll ever meet."

Tim chuckled. "And here I thought you were perfect."

Marinette grinned. "Almost perfect. Truth or dare?"

"I'll pick truth this time, and hopefully avoid being humiliated again."

"I'll go easy on you this round. When was the last time you lied, and what was it about?"

Tim combed back through his memory of the past week, trying to pick out the last time he lied. "I think it was yesterday morning. Dick asked me if the coffee I was drinking was my first coffee of the day. I said yes, but really I hadn't slept that night so I just decided to arbitrarily count my start of the day at the time I would have woken up had I actually gone to sleep."

"So how many coffee's had you had yesterday?"

Tim shrugged. "Since midnight? Probably three or four. I've gotten away with a lot more coffee since I modified the Keurig in my room to stop making so much noise."

"I'm lucky," said Marinette. "My parents sleep so far away from me that they can't hear my Keurig."

"Truth or dare?" asked Tim, continuing the game.

"Truth."

"What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done because you had a crush on someone?"

Marinette flushed red, and Tim immediately knew that this was going to be a good story. "Once I accidentally sent a text to my crush so I stolehisphoneanddeletedthetext." Marinette rushed the last few words, so fast that Tim couldn't quite make them out.

"What was that?"

"I stole his phone and deleted the text before he could read it. In my defense, I made a lot of questionable decisions at that age."

Tim burst out laughing. "How old were you?"

"I was thirteen," admitted Marinette.

Tim couldn't stop laughing at the absurdity of her claims. "You couldn't have asked him to borrow his phone and deleted it then?"

"I was in panic mode. It was between steal his phone or destroy his phone."

"Those were your two options?!" exclaimed Tim.

Marinette blushed even more furiously. "It's your turn. Don't expect me to go easy on you this round. Truth or dare?"

Tim kept up the trend. "Truth."

"What was the worst thing you did at thirteen?"

Tim thought back to his days as Robin, and the many, many stories he could tell. In the end, he settled on one that Jason still brought up when he needed leverage over Tim. "It's not as bad as phone thievery, but it's still a pretty funny story, looking back on it. You know how I have two older brothers, right?"

"Dick and Jason," Marinette confirmed.

"Well, one night I managed to convince Dick to let me drive Bruce's favorite car. Now, keep in mind, I had never actually driven a car before. Surprisingly, I wasn't that bad at driving. I made it home without incident - that is, until I tried to park the car back in the garage and accidentally crashed into Jason's motorcycle. For years after that, Jason used the threat of telling Bruce about my little car crash to keep me in line."

Marinette snorted. "You think that borrowing a phone to delete a text message is worse than borrowing and crashing a car?"

Tim shrugged. "It's a matter of opinion. Truth or dare?"

With a roll of her eyes, Marinette said, "Truth."

"What's one thing you would never tell me?" It was the sort of question that could only be asked during a game of truth or dare. In Tim's opinion, it was this sort of question that made the game worth playing.

Marinette pouted. "I don't like that question."

"Too bad. The rules of truth or dare state that you have to answer it."

"Fine." Marinette looked up at the ceiling, deep in thought. Just as she turned back to face her laptop, her face lit up. It was evident that she had an answer. "Usually I let people learn from their mistakes in the kitchen. However, I will now tell you - because I have to - that your cookies have been in the oven for too long. They're going to start burning if you don't take them out soon."

Tim jumped up to get his cookies out of the oven. They looked a little burnt, brown rather than the golden-brown that Alfred would make, but they still looked edible. "I'll accept your answer, but only because you saved my cookies."

"Now that your cookies are done, do you want to finish up our game of truth or dare?"

"One last question," decided Tim. "And I'll pick truth, to make it easy for you."

"What's the biggest secret that you've currently keeping from your family?"

After Tim's last question, he had expected Marinette to follow it up with an invasive question. Luckily, her question had a very simple answer.

"Easy question - my friendship with you."

Marinette looked confused. "What do you mean?"

"Most of my friendships begin through the connections they have to my family. Because of that, I've never really had serious friendships that my family wasn't actively involved in."

"It's not because you're ashamed of me, right?" Marinette sounded unsure of herself. Insecurity was a side of her that Tim had never seen before.

"Of course not," Tim assured her. "You're the best friend I could have ever asked for, Marinette."

"Good, because you're not getting rid of me that easy. I still have a lot to teach you about baking. I think we might try cupcakes at our next sleepover."

Tim laughed. "We'll see about that." He had no doubts that there would be sleepovers to come, and shenanigans involving baked goods to go along with them.

@maribatmarch-2k21

[readingalldaysleepingallnight]

Buzzfeed Unsolved AU - Batfam

The batboys start the account as a joke at Dick’s insistence (family bonding!). The first video was Tim rant about an old case that couldn’t be solved. Jason recorded it as a joke. Barbara is the one that needled him (“What’d you mean the girl just messed with the elevator? What’s the point in that?” “THATS THE THING NO ONE F**KING KNOWS BABS!”). Dick cracked jokes (“Wow, guess she ghosted the ghost.” “IT CANT BE A GHOST DICK, OKAY?!”). Duke stared into the camera (“Help me.”). Stephanie ate waffles in the background and nodded along. Overall, it was pure chaos. When Jason posted it it went viral almost immediately.

Cue Dick setting up an official YouTube account, editing the first video then posting it (Duke’s face is slowly zoomed in on with the audio “Why are we still here? Just to suffer?” while he mouths “help me”).

They go on, doing a bunch of other cases and even supernatural ones. Damian and Jason are the ones, oddly enough, that are scared of ghosts. (“YOU CANT PUCH THEM YOU IDIOT!” Jason screeches. Damian nods, “They can take control of your body, there is no defense. It’s unnatural.”) In most of the videos Duke can be seen looking dead inside or just frustrated (“Why can’t my family just be normal?”). Tim presents all the cases, Barbara is his co-host, and Dick and Stephanie are the (intentional) comedic relief. Jason, Damian and Duke become the unintentional comedic relief. Case just shows up out of nowhere to make random ass comments (“I don’t think it’s possible to die like that? Can someone even die from that?” Dick asks and turns to Stephanie. She just shrugs. Cass just comes out of nowhere, “It is.” Cue the screaming. “WHERE THE F**K DID YOU COME FROM?!” Jason screams. “Oh hey Cass! How’ve you been?” Stephanie asks with a casual grin. Cass just tilts her hands in a ‘so-so’ gesture. Duke asking how the frick Cass knows that with utter terror. She smirks and fades into the shadows. “See you later Cass!” Cass becomes a Cryptid and Stephanie is known as the Cryptid whisper.).

Eventually they make a comment on the “creepy ass noises” in the manor. The audience begs them to investigate their own house. They do, of course. They creep through the house at night, recording the whole thing. Bumping into Bruce that’s just being a tired dad (“Why are you all up at 2 in the morning?” Dick glances at the rest of his siblings as he pushes Barbara’s wheelchair, “Uh, Ghost hunting?” Bruce sighs, pinching his nose before saying, “Fine, don’t tell me. Just clean up after yourselves.” There are memes about Bruce within 24 hours.). Jason at one point makes a joke about the theories that Wayne Enterprises funds Batman (“Maybe he just lives in our basement.” Jason snickers. Stephanie adds on, with a spot on impression of Bruce, “Batman, I’m gonna need you to pay the rent.” Jason chimes in with his own Batman impression, “I can’t this month. I don’t have a real job. I fight for justice!” Stephanie, “Yeah well, justice doesn’t pay the bills.” Jason, “Aren’t you a billionaire?” Stephanie, “Yeah, and you’re a free loader. Even my kids have jobs and one of them is twelve!”)

People latch onto the joke and make memes about the whole thing. Eventually they use this opportunity to make it so there’s less connections between them and their alter egos. Especially since some conspiracy theorist are getting so close yet so far.

They get recordings of Dick doing a backflip before slipping and landing on his ass (on purpose, they didn’t want to actually make him hurt himself).

They get Duke to say he hates the color yellow (“Signal is yellow though!” -Stephanie “And?” “Isn’t he cool?” -Dick “I prefer Black Bat. They’re pretty badass.”).

They get Jason trying to shoot a moving target, he barely clips the side of it (“Red Hood would be disappointed in you.” -Damian “Yeah, well, Red Hood can go suck an egg.” People now have a new meme of Red Hood being disappointed in anyone that misses a shot. It’s said after people miss throwing trash in trash cans.).

Stephanie is asked if she’d fight crime. (“Dude, when would I eat my waffles though?” “You eat your waffles at 3am?” “Obviously, no one can question your life choices if they can’t see you making them.” They actually track her down at 3am and find her eating waffles. Spoiler and Black Bat were spotted that night around the same time. None of the boys know how the girls did it so they’re kinda scared now.)

Barbara just looks down at her wheelchair then rushes after the cameraman. Cue screeching and running away from her. (“Okay, I think we lost her.” The camera is in selfie mode and shows the boys hiding in a guest room with Barbara in the background grinning. The video ends there. They stop posting for a few days, making their audience panic before posting a video with various bruises. “Barbara told us to stop asking stupid questions.”)

They ask Cass and she just looks straight at the camera before looking really confused. (The video is then explaining to Cass that people think she might be Spoiler or Black Bat. Cass tilts her head before shrugging, “Cool.” The video ends with the Dick saying that Cass takes the theories as a compliment even though she’s just a very silent person and accidentally scares people around the house.)

Damian is asked and he just pulls out a knife. (“Where’d you get that knife from, you little sh*t?” Jason asks. Damian just frowns before replying, “It’s Gotham.” “Hate to say this but the kid’s got a point.”). “Leaked footage” shows Damian watching what little videos there is of Robin fighting with a katana and trying to copy the stances.

They later post a clip of them sneaking around at night where they see a tall shadowy figure lurking in their house. (“Batman?!” The figure turns around to show Bruce in a Batman bathrobe, complete with little pointed ears. He’s holding a cup of coffee and looks half asleep.)

[queerbutstillhere]

Operation Chick Liberation

"Oh my God. Dick, you're not gonna believe this."

Dick sighed  and looked up from his phone. The news had been playing on mute on the tv while both he and Jason were busy doing other things and not really paying attention. But now Jason unmuted it, and Dick could hear the report. Did he believe it? No, not one bit, but he could definitely hear it.

"...Robin and Red Robin have been seen making off with boxes of chicks from a local pet store, more after the break."

.....

"Dick is going to kill us."

"Hush, Drake. This will be better for them."

"Why are we stealing chicks again, Damian?"

Robin looked up at his brother, the white lenses of his mask hiding the mischief in his eyes. His small smirk, however, gave him away all too quickly.

"Because if we don’t liberate them, who will?"

Tim snorted, then smiled as he shook his head. "You know what? Hell yeah, let's steal some chickens."

So, they executed their meticulously thought out plan. Sneaked in through a skylight, found the chick boxes, picked the lock to the cage and carefully packed up several of the boxes with as many chicks as Damian deemed appropriate. 

Usually Tim didn't encourage petty theft, but Damian had come directly to him with a rather clever plan for chick liberation and Tim couldn't help but say yes. Partially because he just wanted to see how this went, and partially because the little puppy dog look that Damian had given him had been enough to make him crumple. 

For as much as they fought, Tim still loves the little gremlin. 

Getting the chicks back out was a lot harder than getting in had been. Damian was very adamant that they couldn't jostle the poor chicks in any way, so it was a very slow process of hugging a box of chicks with one arm while slowly grappling back up through the skylight. Slowly, they managed to get all the boxes up, replace the skylight, and then they began slowly transporting the boxes back to their bikes.

"I can't believe we just stole three dozen chicks."

"Believe it," Damian said with a little giggle, grinning brightly at Tim.

He looked happy, and that alone was worth it.

Carefully, they secured the chicks to the back of their bikes, and took off towards home. Part two of Damian's brilliant plan was to sneak the chicks onto the manor grounds. Tim wasn't exactly sure where Damian was planning to put them after they got the chicks home, but the manor certainly had enough property for a chicken pen. They just didn't have one, so he was curious what the plan here was.

They got home, and then the operation became, "Sneak The Chicks Past Bruce," which was not easy, due to their constant cheeping. They covered the boxes with their capes and very quickly darted from where they parked their bikes over to the lift. Tim heard Bruce call to them, asking what they had, but they didn't stop. Inside the lift, they looked at each other, serious for a moment, before breaking into laughter.

"Where the hell are we putting these?!"

"Well, I had considered Todd's room—" Damian started.

"Oh no..."

"—but I decided that would not be best for their own safety. I have created a pen for them in the BatBarn."

"Oh my God, you really thought this through?"

"Tt, I'm not a fool, Drake." He's still grinning, so Tim knew he was still in a good mood, but they ran into a problem when they got upstairs.

The “problem” being Dick and Jason.

They were waiting at the back door, arms crossed, looking like they were fighting smiles.

"What are you two doing?" Jason asked.

"Taking trash out," Tim volunteered, gesturing at the box.

Soft cheeping betrayed his lie immediately.

"And why didn't you change before coming up?" Dick asked, failing to hide his smile.

"We wanted to go back out later," was Damian's response.

More soft cheeping. Rattling in the boxes. A little beak peaked out of one of the air holes. All three of them looked at it. Tim and Damian slowly looked at each other, then up at Dick and Jason.

"I can't believe you guys stole chickens," Jason finally cracked, starting to laugh.

"We were saving them from an unfortunate life!" Damian protested, immediately looking distressed.

"Damian, you could have just bought them! You remember who your dad is, right?" Dick's also started laughing now.

He reaches out and opens the lid of Tim's box, still chuckling.

"They are pretty cute."

"Come on, let's get them outside before Alfred finds out."

Damian led the way proudly, carrying his boxes of chicks. They walked out to the barn, which, yes, they do call the BatBarn. Batcow greeted them from her pasture with a deep moo, and Damian called back to her in arabic, something soft and sweet.

Inside the barn, the second stall had in fact been converted to a chicken pen, complete with a heat lamp, water bowl, and feed trough filled with chick feed. It was clear how much time Damian spent at the Kents’. Tim and Damian knelt down in the sawdust and carefully removed the chicks from their boxes, setting them in the soft, fluffy shavings. They ran around, cheeping in confusion for a bit, investigating everything, and eating the shavings.

Damian sat down against the wall. He pulled off his mask and gloves then reached out, picking up a soft, fluffy little brown mottled ball. Tim couldn't help but grin at his little brother. The kid looked so happy, surrounded by all these fluffy, mixed breed chicks. The only type of chicks the two of them liked-

Tim glanced up to find that Dick and Jason had disappeared. He shrugged and moved over, sitting next to Damian after shooing some chicks out of the way. He picked one up and gently cupped it in his hands.

"They are pretty cute."

Damian hummed, glancing up at him. 

"Do you think Alfred will let them stay?"

"As long as you let him use their eggs, probably."

Damian tilted his head, thinking.

"I think an arrangement can be made," he hummed, then focused back on the chicks.

They stayed out there for a long time. When the chicks finally started getting too annoyed with them, Damian stood and started fiddling with the heat lamp.

"Come along, Drake. We should let them sleep," he said, turning to Tim.

"Yes, of course."

Tim stood and dusted himself off before following Damian out. They walked up to the house in silence. It wasn't until they had reached the back door that Damian spoke.

"Timothy?"

"Yeah, Damian?"

"Thank you."

"Any time, squirt."

"Tt."

Tim stood by the door, watching Damian walk towards the office that would lead him into the batcave. And he just grinned to himself. Today he stole chickens, and bonded with his little brother.

It was a good day.

For @absolute-0zero !!!! Brothers bonding over chickens! Thank you to @wisdom-walks-alone and @battoad for betaing this cute thing for me! Find it here on ao3!

[watchtower-feed]

BatDragon

Batfamily ✧ 1 ✧

     The fight had run long and everyone is exhausted. While Bruce is away on a top-secret intergalactic League mission, all of his wards decided to work as a team to take down Black Mask and his men. Only because it’s been a particularly unusual job, unusual even for Gotham. Black Mask had outsourced manpower from Bane himself to protect his precious cargo, a single chest the size of a serving platter. It was enough for all of them to be cautious and actually work together.

     The Red Hood is making sure every single hired muscle is tied up and unconscious. “Damn. Black Mask sure gave us a fight for this one.” He rubs his gloved hands together while he walks toward the chest. “Makes you wonder what’s inside.”

     Nightwing, Robin, Red Robin, Spoiler, Orphan, and the Signal have been circling the cargo as well. Scanning it. Observing it. It’s not made out of gold or silver, just a metal chest with a few dents on it from being roughly handled and eventually dropped during the fight.

     Finally, cautiously, Robin and Red Robin squat down beside it to examine the locks. It’s nothing advanced. In fact, they were just multiple bulky old-fashioned locks. Quietly, the two of them worked together on opening it.

     The tension and anticipation are so thick in the air until Spoiler couldn’t stand the silence any longer. “What is it?” She asked as soon as Robin’s gloved hands are holding the lid and lifting it slowly.

     Red Robin is the first to see a glinting sheen. “Some kind of precious stone?” he remarks. When Robin has the lid all the way down, all of them could see the thing that’s inside. “Not a stone--”

     “An egg,” Robin finishes.

     “Ohmygod,” Nightwing interrupts, “Are we doing Eragon--”

     His mouth hangs open. All of their eyes are glued to the egg in front of them as it rocked in its place and then the sound of a tiny crack echoed inside the harbor warehouse and made their hearts stop. They watch the small intermittent ruptures extend until it finally formed a jagged piece. A piece that’s pushed out by you.

     “It hatched.”

     Your small black claws grip the edge of the egg as you slowly peak over the opening. There are seven gigantic figures crouching down and looking at you closely. They blink. So you blink.

✧ ✧ ✧

     “Who did she look at first?” Jason’s chest rumbles when he speaks and you find the vibration soothing. “Because she’s definitely imprinting on me right now.”

     Tim rolls his eyes as Jason secures you more firmly in his arms and against his chest. You nuzzle the tip of your mouth against the soft thin fabric of his undershirt. “After hatching from the egg she needs to be incubated. It only makes sense that she’d latch onto you ‘cause you’re the one with the strongest body heat here.”

     Your soft claws dig into Jason’s bear arms after hearing Tim’s voice, another soothing sensation to your newfound senses.

     Suddenly, a golden curtain sneaks up on your vision and you’re met with another one of your giants. “I have body heat, too,” she whines. Then, with a gentler voice she speaks to you, “Hey, little you. Wanna come to mama? I bet I’m a lot softer than this rugged old man.”

     Jason tries to tuck you away from her but you’re already crawling towards Steph. She snorts in victory as you settle on her chest. Her bare skin is a lot gentler on your soft scales.

     Two other heads lower down to look at you and you welcome them both by flicking out your tongue and touching the tips of their noses. Cass laughs at the wetness while Dick pouts.

     “How come she’s not acting like the dragon from the movie?” He reaches for your featherless wings, “She hasn’t even opened them once--” and tries to pull on them, causing you to hiss in fear.

     He quickly retracts his arm and spouts rushed apologies. From the few hours they’ve known you, they at least know that you do not like your limbs being pulled.

     Damian walks in with a scowl on his face while nursing his bandaged hand. “What did you do?” he accuses Dick right away.

     “He tried to pull on her wings,” Duke spits out right away. Everyone shifts their glares at him because he still hasn’t gotten rid of his instinct to tattle, a habit that’s gravely unwelcome among Batman’s wards.

     “Tsk.” Damian walks up to Steph to examine you closely, making sure you’re unhurt. He’s also close enough for you to lick his nose. Your smallest giant. The giant who helped you climb out of your egg and onto his harm.

     Damian was so curious at your mysterious physique that he couldn’t help running his fingers along your trunk and then pulling on the spiked ball that was the tip of your tail. So you bit him.

     Everyone shouted and Duke swatted you away making you fall on the ground. Scared and helpless. But it was Damian who extended his other hand again and picked you up to take you home.

     You’ve been staring at him long enough that Steph gently hands you to him. Damian carries you with both of his hands. You may only be a little longer than his forearm, but you easily extend beyond his embrace.

     “I’m taking her with me to Nanda Parbat.”

     Angry gasps fill the room and you watch tensely as your bigger giants quickly surround him. 

     “What?”

     “Give her back,” Steph’s the only one who stomps toward Damian.

     Damian doesn’t step back. “The manor is no place to raise a dragon.”

     “But it’s enough for a demon,” Jason quips, “and we’ve survived.”

     “The League of Assassins is centuries old. My family is the greatest source we have to find out more about her species.”

     “Good lord.”

     Everyone turns and freezes the moment they see Alfred in his robe and nightdress. His hands are shaking while he ties his robe around his waist and stares wide-eyed at you. You blink at the new older giant who’s standing underneath the doorway. He doesn’t blink back.

     “Alfred, we can explain--”

     “You brought home a baby dragon…”

     Finally, once the absurdity of it all has been voiced out, Bruce’s wards can finally feel the gravity of this single night.

✧ ✧ ✧

     Batman is too far out in another galaxy to be reached and his wards didn’t want the League to know about you. In their eyes, your giants are still children and they would take you away from them.

     Instead, another family member was called.

     When Ra’s Al Ghul makes it to the manor’s front door alongside his daughter, he stops. They turn to each other and wonder if they should just break-in. But they didn’t come here to intrude. Damian had invited them over and so they knock and wait.

     There’s nothing more surreal than the Al Ghul’s having tea with Alfred and Bruce’s wards, everyone out of their costumes and combat gear. Well almost everyone.

     “Why aren’t you guys in costume? That’s Ra’s Al Ghul,” the Signal whispers behind his cup of tea.

     “‘Cause he’s Ra’s Al Ghul,” Tim answers. “If anyone knows who we are, he would.”

     Jason leans in and gives the Signal his own two-cents, “Plus, they came to the manor and not the cave. That should’ve been your heads up.”

     Frustrated, he takes off his mask and sinks into his chair, letting the previous silence continue to grow in the Wayne sitting room.

     Then Dick breaks it, “So Damian told you and you came here, huh?”

     Talia smiles while her father continues to drink his tea with his eyes shut. “Wouldn’t you?” she teases, “I’m sure even beloved himself would come down from his perch if you had told him there’s a dragon in the manor.” Talia watches in amusement as Bruce’s wards swallow. She turns to Jason for confirmation. After having been raised by Talia after his resurrection, he knew he couldn’t lie to her so he looks away. “So you truly haven’t told him.”

     Finally, Damian walks back into the room with Steph who’s been holding you gently against her chest while you slept. When you pick up the new scents in the room, you immediately wake up and turn to them.

     To everyone’s surprise, Ra’s Al Ghul quickly stands. He stares at you. And very slowly he walks forward to meet you. He gazes down. Old ancient eyes study you deeply while you stare at him and blink.

     Of course, a living breathing dragon would be something the League is interested in-- something he’s interested in. After centuries on this Earth, he has never seen one and has at least once wondered if they truly exist. But today his grandson offers him that experience.

     Only to be disappointed.

     “This is nothing but a lizard.”

✧ 1 ✧

✧ Watchtower Masterlist ✧