#thus why he goes everywhere with me

[sideshow-cellophane-blog]

He goes everywhere with me :) There is something comforting about having a friend with you out and about.

- He likes chilling near windows and judging other people with me

- Sassy as shit

- Yes he has a Lupin to come home to but no Goe yet :( Still looking for a relatively cheap one but they're RARE

- Enjoys cooking and being part of one-sided conversations

- Hard-headed. Literally. Refuses to give up his hat and will die for it. Also literally. It's attached to all of his replacement expressions.

- Watches crime shows with me (Narcos currently)

[pnutbutter-n-j-elyy]

I'm not sure whether your request box is open or not, but if you do, I want to drop an idea

How about ot8 sleeping habit?

Thankies!

🧠🫶🏻

hehe this was fun... this is all my own personal opinion, not facts or based on anything specific

Bangchan

Sleeps like a Dad- he is ready to wake at any moment, ranging from a faint noise to a kitchen fire. (Most definitely not caused by Felix or Seungmin...)

Usually passes out mid writing session, with his notebook or laptop within arms reach

One of those is most likely being used as a makeshift pillow

Loves to sleep facing outwards on his side, arm tucked under his pillow (or laptop or notebook or other arm because lets be real he probably isn't aslepp in bed)

Likes sleeping outwards because it makes him feel safer, like he could easily spring into action if needed

Rarely moves when he falls asleep from pure exhaustion.

If he falls asleep on normal accord, he moves like a madman

Has a secret stash of hoodies he uses only for sleep

But even then...he likes sleeping naked. Only wears clothes if he's not sleeping at home. (dude literally walks around naked...)

Lee Know

Sleeps like royalty. Perfect posture. Doesn't move.

His cats tend to join him, claiming half the bed, and he does not mind that at all

If his cats don't join him, he'll let out little pspspsp's until at least one comes (and if none of them come he will go to sleep grumpy)

Prefers absolute silence, but if he is tired enough he'll sleep through an earthquake

Tends to sleep talk, but denies vehemently that he does (he knows he does, and he knows its mostly him mumbling about choreography)

Likes to throw his sheets in the dryer to warm them up when he is feeling fancy

Usually takes a while to fall asleep

Wakes up at least once a night

Usually its because he gets a paw up a nostril

Changbin

Likes to be surrounded by plushy comfy stuff

If he is sharing a bed, radiates warmth and tends to be clung to like a teddybear (he is NOT complaining about that)

He snores, but gets embarrassed if someone mentions it

Always has to shower before bed

Lots of thinner blankets (for some reason he gives me the type to love to be warm but hate comforters?)

Overheats easily thus why he loves the thin blankets he can peel back (he just seems like a warm bodied person)

Likes falling asleep to music but will get really upset if he wakes up with it still on

Seems like he's have a nightlight ngl, not because he is scared of the dark, but because he genuinely can't see for shit in the dark

Wakes up to go pee like three times a night because he'll drink a ton of water (and still continues to drink it even though he just went to the bathroom)

Also occasionally loves a midnight snack

Hyunjin

Dramatic sleeper. Dude is sprawled out everywhere yet somehow it looks artistic

Has to put his hair up or else it will be frizzy in the morning

Tosses and turns because he dreams vividly, often about very random things

Needs the room to smell nice- candles or an essential oil diffuser is a must (typically uses a scent that aids in sleep or health, like lavender or mint if his head hurts)

Opposite of Binnie- he gets cold really easily and needs all the extra comforters he can get

Loves doing before bed skincare. Its almost ritualistic for him. (it helps soothe him)

Like how he has a set routine for skincare, he has a set routine for sleep. Goes to bed and wakes up at the same time everyday

Or at least he tries to. He tends to sleep in a lot on the weekends due to staying up late painting throughout the week

Sometimes, he'll paint things he sees in his dreams (usually pretty abstract)

Jisung

Falls asleep wherever and whenever. No questions asked (has been found by numerous staff just snoozing around the jype building)

Occasionally its due to complete burnout, but usually its just because he likes sleeping

He also tends to have really vivid and random fever dreams (once dreamt of Felix being eaten by a Cheerio and wouldn't allow him to eat cereal for a week)

He talks in his sleep. Full on conversations that don't make sense 97% of the time.

When its actually time for him to go to bed, he has a specific set up for his pillow and singular plushie he needs (one pillow on the right side of the bed, then the plushie and then the second pillow on top of his head as he sleeps- don't ask its just what he needs)

Tends to kick off all of his blankets during his slumber, usually waking up with just his plushie on the bed, both pillows and all covers trashed on the floor

But if someone else is in the bed dude is as stiff as a rock

Usually falls asleep to funny videos, since it helps quiet his mind

Unfortunately, that means he laughs a lot in his sleep which is a bit creepy (scares the shit outta people)

Sometimes things are so funny he'll wake up from laughing so hard.

Felix

Sleeps like a literal baby. Quiet and still.

Enjoys soothing sounds like rain or waves to go to sleep.

Rarely snores

Sometimes wakes himself up with soft giggles (usually its because someone cracked a joke in his dream)

People sleeping next to him say he radiates a calming warmth. Like sleeping next to sunshine.

He usually hugs something while he is asleep, a pillow or a plushie (changbin body pillow ?????)

Likes falling asleep to the room being chilly, but needs it to be warm or else he refuses to leave bed

Meaning he needs to get up in the middle of the night to turn off the fan.

He is the type to "accidentally" steal blankets (he does it on purpose 100%)

Seungmin

The most disciplined sleeper; sticks to a consistent bedtime and wake-up routine no matter how busy his schedule is.

Prefers sleeping on his back with perfect posture, almost as if posing for a photoshoot.

Rarely moves in his sleep, waking up in nearly the same position he fell asleep in. (sometimes its a bit creepy)

Needs complete silence and will actively seek out a quieter spot if his surroundings are noisy.

Hates feeling too warm while sleeping; he often cracks a window or adjusts the thermostat.

Keeps his bed tidy with just one pillow and a light blanket. (its gets too stuffy with too much stuff on the bed)

Occasionally hums softly or sings a lullaby under his breath before falling asleep.

Gets annoyed by anyone who wakes him unnecessarily and isn’t shy about showing his irritation. (jisung is usually the one to wake him up with excited screaming- tied with changbin)

Wakes up refreshed and ready for the day, often teasing others about their grogginess.

Jeongin

Sleeps face down with his arms hugging his pillow tightly, often burying his face in it. (dude is literally close to suffocating himself, more often than not chan rolls him over)

Snores loudly but adorably, puffing his cheeks out as he exhales a snore that sounds like a 6.0 magnitude earthquake.

Loves being bundled up in a mountain of blankets, even if he ends up half-buried under them (again with the suffocation, he stresses chan out)

Wakes up with his hair sticking out in every possible direction, but it is heartachingly cute.

Talks in his sleep occasionally, mumbling random things (most of the time one of his Hyung's names comes up followed by an evil giggle, leaving them paranoid about what their precious maknae is plotting)

Kicks off the covers in his sleep but then immediately searches for them when he gets cold.

Prefers sleeping with the lights off but needs his phone nearby to check before bed.

Wakes up easily if startled but can fall right back asleep like nothing happened.

Usually wakes up groggy but his mood instantly changes at the mention of breakfast (which he finishes in about 4 bites max)

@abovenyx @wolfs-archive @oddracha

@iyeeeverydee @parisanmorovati @seungmincenteric

@panbish-1209 @fxiry-vtt @sseawavee

@shuporanporang @amarecerasus @softkisshyunjin

@whoa-jo @meanergreener @rikibun

@ayyonoona @shinywombatcrusade @y4yayael

@skzstan12345 @mariteez @allys-reads

@jazziwritesthings @skzstannie @yongbokkiesworld

@kkkeopi @neverendingstay @moony-9

@minsungsthirdwheel @everlastingspring143 @joyofbebbanburg

@leezanetheofficial @tr-mha-fan @bubbly-moon

@night-storm7 @missmajdastark @axel-skz

[affectionatecorpse]

Okay so I see some people are debating what the monster from Still Wakes the Deep is. I'm inspired by the support from my Death Angel post, so I'm gonna try giving an analysis. Now science is not my strong suit, I'm much better at zoology, but here we go.

Of course, spoilers ahead!

So, the entity comes to light in act one. While Caz is being yelled at by his power drunk boss, Rennick, a worker going by the name Gibbo calls up to say there's an issue with the drill, something highlighted earlier by another worker. Rennick orders the drilling anyway, and thus begins the nightmare, as the drill seems to unearth and awaken a destructive parasite out for revenge. But I don't think that's as deep as it goes, pun intended.

Let's say, the creature is a parasite. A form of near sentient bacteria, though take that description with a grain of salt, I'm no scientist. Parasites simply cannot live on their own. That's an objective fact. They need a host. They exist within another for survival and breeding purposes, and multiply and spread through the body of another.

Parasites, bacteria and even fungi can live underground for years, and have been discovered to do so. Ancient lifeforms have been discovered just under the surface of earth, let alone deep underneath the ground and in the bottom of our oceans, one of the most complex and diverse biomes that our current science has barely scratched the surface of. It's highly likely this creature is a self replicating bacteria or parasite that was unearthed by the drill, and took up new hosts to survive in this change of environment.

But not every host worked. You can see half transformed, mutilated bodies everywhere, and some that haven't even changed at all. These bodies could not support the parasite and shortly died.

However, a few select hosts DID end up surviving; Gibbo, Muir, Rennick, Addair and Trots. It's unclear what sets these people apart from the others, and I don't know enough about this topic to claim an answer. But I certainly do think these folks died soon into the transformation, and are not fully conscious in the body. They frequently repeat terms and phrases, and never say anything you might expect from an entity possessing them, implying it's borrowing words and sentences that have been said by the host before, in other circumstances.

The entity plays with Caz's memories and definitely the others' too, though not all of them good. It wouldn't be a surprise to realise that's where it's getting information about it's host, as it reads the memories inside the brain to learn faces, names, and even the host's personality. Which makes me wonder, does it even realise what it looks like? Does the creature itself actually realise it's a parasite? Or does it completely and fully believe it is the person it's connected itself to? It almost downloads their personality and tries to pretend like everything is completely normal.

Let's talk about arguably the best monster (in my opinion), Muir. Muir moves about the area he frequently worked as what I assume was an engineer. He roams the familiar ground, almost unsure of why he's by himself. He often calls out to his coworkers, wondering out loud why they're treating him like he's different. Sure, this could be the real Muir's consciousness slipping in and out of the seams, but it's highly unlikely he would still be alive. Much like the zombie fungus, as it's often called, the host is not alive when the fungus is controlling it, and is merely a puppet. If the spiders it was corrupting could talk, I daresay, they'd be acting like them. Taking their place in the world, even if they don't realise it.

But every animal needs to eat. And eventually, that body is going to run out of tasty, tasty neurons. Like I said earlier, a parasite needs to spread. It'll breed, then spread to another to keep it's species alive. By infiltrating a 'pack' of animals, it will take anything to spread to the others. Which is exactly what the parasite does whenever it sees another human. Either that, or it will consume them, theoretically to feed the host so it stays alive, while keeping those tasty, tasty neurons for itself. You can almost see this process with Innes, as the elevator ascends without him, and you just faintly see Muir doing something in the distance. Likely consuming him for nutrients, as he was not connected to the parasite yet.

Next, there's Addair.

Addair, much like Muir, patrols familiar ground. Even though Addair himself wasn't even in that area when the drill struck. Now Muir was actively in that familiar space in the beginning, and it's safe to assume that's his place of transformation. But Addair was eating in the cafeteria when the incident happened, not deep down in the engine. Did he go down when the impact happened, while Caz was unconscious? Maybe. But the lights were fine then, and the engine wasn't the problem, so he didn't need a reason to. Plus, he doesn't seem like the type to be work dedicated, more inconvenience dedicated. Considering what I said about the parasite (badly) taking their place in society, did it go to his place of work after detecting that as his 'natural environment', per se?

Plus, unlike Muir, who greets the situation with quotes of confusion, fear and anxiety, Addair is instantly aggressive. Even an asshole like Addair is likely to panic if conscious in this situation, so the nervousness was Gibbo and Muir exclusive. But Addair and Rennick become immediately angry upon seeing Caz, as they actively disliked him in life, and so the parasite processes him as a foe to it's host. I thought that was neat.

Now another take I have admittedly heard from several other people, but I thought was worth mentioning. The monsters are incredibly similar to sea creatures. Which means this underwater bacteria was possibly leaking out already, and transforming our animals, not enough to completely corrupt them, but enough to twist their bodies. Think of the appearances of deep, deep sea creatures, such as the anglerfish. Isn't it possible this parasite was responsible for their uncanny appearance, in this universe? Muir especially looks like a spider crab, or perhaps even a bigfin squid.

Which again, is a deep sea creature. Rennick also reminds me of a blobfish once removed from the pressure of the deep sea. Addair seems very jellyfish-like, but may be something else very... tick-like. And even Trots gives me major merfolk vibes, with how untouched his torso is in comparison to his lower half.

This parasite could have been feeding off the neurons and breeding through our very ecosystem as the ground slowly gave away above it. The drill unearthing the source likely gave it a burst of control as so much energy was released at once, hence why it was so fast to literally spiral out of control.

But Scotland, by all means, is not the only place in the world connected to the ocean. Sure, they destroyed this batch, but other forms of this parasite live on elsewhere on earth. And the explosion may not have even destroyed it. It definitely would've destroyed the host bodies, yes, but certain bacterias can survive impressive damage, even heat hot enough to burn off human flesh. We'd best hope this is not one of those bacterias.

I didn't really get as far with this observation as I did with other horror studies, but I had fun nonetheless! Like I said, I'm really better with zoology (hence the sudden enthusiasm when I started on sea creatures), but I loved Still Wakes the Deep SO much that I just wanted to write down my thoughts. If you have any other theories, feel free to add them!

Also if I used your pictures/gifs and you would like me to add credit, I am so so sorry, I will absolutely add that as soon as you say so, I just got most of these off Google and couldn't find most the original sources. So yeah if you'd like me to add your name and mention, or you want me to remove it in general, feel free to just say and I'll add it, I don't bite I promise. Well... I won't bite YOU.

Sorry sorry, had to make a zombie reference--

[amialunatic]

Heyyy! I’d love to see some dom!sam head canons, or maybe an nsfw alphabet if you’re interested in writing one!

ok I know this is late but I was just a tad nervous about actually writing hehe.

This is my first writing in general. So yeah, idk how good it is, but I hope you enjoy it !!

NSFW Alphabets

Sam Winchester (Season 1-6. With the exception of demon blood, and soulless Sam)

If anyone likes any of the particular scenarios, give me a request. I could write more about them.

Words: 1k

Warning: nsfw. Minors DNI.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Normally, very sweet. Cuddling you, gently caressing you where he was rough with you. Brushing the marks he left on you, treating you like a precious jewel. (I plan to write another one for soul-less Sam because I need more exposure to him. I'm in S6 rn)

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Everywhere, but somehow it feels like Sam would love your neck. Gently nipping with his teeth, drawing out your gasps. He is very modest, so he doesn’t admit to having any favorite body parts of his. (Mine is his back and chest though, omfg I die)

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Inside you (protected of course), even though he is scared of having kids and a family, thus passing down his toxic family dynamics, he secretly loves the idea of breeding you. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He sometimes hates that he loves pain. It makes him feel like the devil he believes he is. So he tries to keep that side inside himself. Sometimes, you can push past his limits and set free the untamed Sam and that ends up being the most mind-blowing experience you have had. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He knows enough and guides you through it gently. Rough actions, gentle words.  

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Different moods, different positions. We know the man has different personalities. If he is feeling soft, you straddling and riding him with intense eye contact. If he is feeling more rage-y, from behind. OR with your legs on his shoulder, deep and intense yet extremely personal. He can see you underneath him, your eyes pleading and barely open with all the pleasure you’re in. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Oh no. He is serious. A lot of teasing, but not goofy. It’s more condescending like, “oh you like it? I thought you were above this. I thought you didn’t want this. Your body says otherwise sweetheart. “

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Yeah he is groomed. Clean and trimmed. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Very intimate. Romantic, but not sweet. But he knows you like it like that. 

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

When he is alone during hunts and misses you, he imagines you. If he is able to, he calls you. If not, he gets himself off in the shower, cascaded in warm water, eyes closed, imagining your body and your pleading and needy voice. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Bondage- The man loves this. You under his control. 

Voyeurism- He gets off from watching you in pleasure. Either self masturbation or toys, whatever it is, he loves the moans and gasps and his name emerging from your lips as you tip off the high. 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Bed for sure. Kitchen counter. Shower. 

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Sounds, and your eyes. 

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Hurt you. You guys can be rough which is why you have a safe word. He retreats and becomes his gentle self if he hears so much as a whisper of that word. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves to give. But he loves to receive too. Both are intense. When he is eating you out, nothing can stop him. He is fully into it, determined to draw out the most sinful moans from you. He doesn't stop until you’re a shaking stammering mess underneath him. 

And when he is receiving, he has to hold himself back from slamming too hard. He runs his fingers across your full cheek and stretched lips slowly coaxing you gently to relax. “It’s okay baby, open up. I know you can take it. You look so beautiful, those lips wrapped around me taking me so well.“

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Switching between both. One minute he is slow and sensual and slowly dragging his cock inside you. The next moment, he can’t resist himself from slamming hard as he hears your gasps. Tries not to be rough, but sometimes the restricted rage and force slip through and he can’t control it. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Not a fan. He likes it to be detailed and loves to take his time breaking you down to your bare bones until you’re nothing but blissfully fucked out. But he also lets you ride his thighs when you’re needy, even if he is working. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

Yeah if you want to. Personally, he likes it traditional, he never gets bored of the basics with you. But if you propose something, he will try it out to please you. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

Extreme stamina. Believe me, this man can keep going as long as you need him to. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? Do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He loves indulging you. If you like toys, he buys you toys. Secretly he likes to see you overstimulated and he is just watching from across the room, enjoying your pleasure like his. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He teases you but is very kind. Begging from you, one sincere plea and he will let you cum. But you liked to be teased and so he does it. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Not really loud. Grunts and low groans are the things you get. Heavy breaths and strings of curses when he is drawing out his and your orgasms so that you can release from the high slowly. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

He is not super horny. But when he is, you are done for. You probably would need to rest a couple of hours to recover from it. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterward)

Not that quick. He carries you and gets into the shower, slowly washing away the remains and calming you down. Then gives you something to eat before sleeping.

[pedge-page]

Imagine baby Sarah getting paint all over the house and marker all over the walls and paint stains of her foot prints everywhere and reader gets emotional about the “art” and tries to convince Joel to keep the mess

Joel Dealing with Sarah - Art

- - - -

Joel never realized just how much damage and unsupervised 2 year old year old can do in 5 minutes. He was used to an immobile Sarah, whether that be needing carried everyone or just seeing how far she can crawl. But when she grew new able bodied lightening legs? It was a new level of parenting he didn’t fully think through.

 Art and colors were all the rage at this age. He has so many squiggly, scratched out, vomitous “art” pieces hanging on the fridge. And it didn’t matter what you wanted her to draw. her uncoordinated hands could only stab and streak across paper. And thus, Yellow streak was Spoon, blue streak was mom, and stabbed holes were Dad.

He had grabbed something very quickly in the kitchen before coming back to supervise the kid who was coloring with her fist and an upside down crayon on a very large sheet of paper. Only now, she was nowhere to be found. There were crayons and pencils and paper scattered all over the floor, but no baby. 

More horrifically, he did notice the box with all her art supplies was left opened, and the vacant spot that held her child-safe paint tubes were missing.

“Oh Shit.”

He’s checking behind the couch and then back into the kitchen in case he didn’t notice maybe she had followed her in there.

“Sarah,” he announces cautiously, but his voice echoes in the house.

He contines into the entry way when the first clue emerges: a bitty pink paint foot print.

“Oh Shit. Sarah!”

He runs up stairs, following the ever growing number of painted footprints left in her trail, and then splotches on the newly painted walls, fingers and smudged handprints like a multicolored serial killer following its injured victim up the stairs. 

“Shitshitshit,” he mumbles, putting his thumb to his tongue and trying to blotch it out quick. The paint was pretty damn un-eraseable with saliva alone.

“SARAH,” he booms more angrily. Nice daddy was on his way out, damned be your soft Mommy reaction.

The girl was getting spanked.

Finally rounding the corner to the master bedroom, he sees the little monster happily squiggling on his walls and she dances side to side. Her hair and face and clothes and skin were covered in paint, as if rolling her whole body along ever possible surface.

Hands on his hips, puffing steam through his ears, he opens his mouth.

The front door clicks open, and both Joel and Sarah’s ears perk up as your familiar footsteps enter the home.

“Oh my god!” You shout, undoubtedly noticing the horrendous streaks of paint all over your walls.

Sarah gets to her feet and barrels past Joel, hoping to see her Momma because FUCK this boring guy.

He smirks, knowing you’re gonna throw a fit. That THIS time Sarah and her behavior won’t slide, and you’ll take the fury out on her.

“Did you make art baby!” You shout excitedly as you finally see her waddle towards you. She coos giddily as you scoop her up. 

Joel frowns and makes his way to you. “Excuse me??”

“Oh hi Daddy.” You wave him off casually with a barely-kiss to the cheek. “Aww honey you got paint all over your hair little bean.” You kiss her forehead, all wrapped up in your arms and hanging off your hip. “Show momma what you made.”

You put her down and the two of you make your way past a very bewildered and near exploding Joel.

On your knees, Sarah directs you to her “artwork” all over the walls like an art gallery. She goes on with her gibberish words and you listen as intently as if it were English. 

He clears his throat. 

“Hmm?”

“I’m spanking her, right?”

You narrow your brows. “What?”

“Are you kidding me? What do you mean ‘what’.” He gestures to the destroyed walls. “I gotta repaint the whole house!”

“WHAT! Why would you do that???? We’re keeping it like this.”

He’s so ready to dunk you in time out too. 

“Joel its art—“

“This aint art—it’s a god damn mess! All over the walls? Baby, she can’t just do this.”

“But its her self expression, its probably one of the few ways we can try to understand her beauty— she could be a picasso when she grows up--"

“ITS SCRIBBLES. And she’s got it out for me,” he narrows his eyes to Sarah, scowling. “If you won’t let me discipline her—“

“She’s two--“

“Then at least let me make this house right.”

You cross your arms over your chest. Sarah looks up and does the same, minicking the disappointment on your face. 

“You never let us do anything fun,” you pout. “Always destroying things that make us happy.”

“Don’t you start on that,” he growls with a pointed finger. “She painted the walls, and she’s not allowed to do that.”

“If I painted the walls, would you tell me I can’t?”

He’s very tempted to say yes because you’d make a mess, but prevents the words from leaving his mouth. “No…”

Dignified, you announce: “Then I say my baby can paint the walls the way she wants.” 

He lets out a long, defeated sigh. “Staircase. Starcaise is only place she can have paint. I’m painting over everything else.”

You think it through, but nod. “Fine. And We will make it beautiful.”

He closes his eyes ask you and mini-boss version of you Sarah make your way, baby finger in your hand, out of the bedroom.

He lies down face forward in bed, and bites down on the pillow to muffle his shout.

-

The next day is Saturday. He had a project in the morning that helped distract him from the mess of his own home.

When he walks in, he’s immediately greeted with your bear hug.

He smiles and kisses your forehead. You’re covered in streaks of paint, some of which clearly wiped on your hair and lips without you realizing. 

“Keeping busy I see?” He chuckles.

“I think it’s coming along.”

True to your word, he’s impressed with the transformation. Once a plain beige, then a hodgepodge of paint, you had gone over and added creative detailing to the colors and mishap that Sarah had splotched over and made a unique design of flowers, suns, meadows and rivers, free flowing patterns and shapes that felt full of life and artistic workmanship, making the whole thing look intentional.

He wraps his arm around your shoulders and admires the work. “You really know how to save that kid, don’t you?”

You nuzzle your face into his sweaty chest.

‘Speaking of, where is…?”

You widen your eyes and look around, forgetting that Sarah had abandoned her post of watching you. 

“Oh SHIT!” You shout, running down towards the living room.

Sarah had somehow gotten a fresh coating of paint all over the new dress you bought, and her poor victim today was helpless Spoon, who stares at you remorsefully. She is sitting quite obediently as Sarah splotches her little pink handprints on the dog’s head and back.

“Ankles weights,” Joel says plainly, observing with a little nod at the scene as you go to yell at Sarah about painting the damn dog. “How about baby ankle weights?”

"Order them now," you seethe, grabbing her hand and Spoon's collar and stomping off the the bath tub to get them clean.

Joel rolls his lips in circle motion, trying not to smile to himself.

- - - -

Taglist

@harriedandharassed @lola8888673 @its-nebuleuse @zliteraturehoe @merz-8 @joeldjarin @pascalscoffin @pedroshotwifey @ghostslillady @innerpersonunknown @missladym1981 @mrsoharaxx @survivingandenduring @milla-frenchy @cockykookiee @fairytale07 @daddy-din @pedropascalsbbg @spookyxsam @somehopeatlast @millercontracting @pedrostories @mishala005 @theoraekenslover @animez96 @not-a-unique-snowflake-blog @puduvallee @cassiecasluciluce @loohoop @himboelover @callsignwidow

[bedouinpoet]

Auld Lang Syne (times long past)

A New Years Eve story! Bit of fluff and smut mixed together hope you all enjoy! Aaron Hotchner x Reader (18+ only please)

In your most secret of dreams you never thought you would have found such a family as you have made in the BAU. Falling in love with each member. Derek Morgan and his kind strength, bringing out the best in those around him. JJ and her abilities to care for all those around her. Penelope Garcia and her beautiful quirkiness, finding good and beauty in everyone and everywhere she goes. Spencer Reid and his astonishing mind constantly challenging you to better. David Rossi and his warmth, his ability to always know when something is wrong and how to comfort you with a smile and a “kiddo”. Emily Prentiss and her humour and beautiful laugh. Last but not least, the man whom you fear has taken your heart and if he ever wanted, your body and soul too, Aaron Hotchner. And gosh did that terrify you. You’ve debated over and over if you’d ever truly tell your boss just how you felt. Another year passing with your family and you’ve made plans this New Years Eve���.

“this is for you and you and you my lovely humans” you say as you hand out the invitations to your team at the round table. “What’s this y/n?” JJ asks you as they all look at the small simple envelope you handed them. “I am glad you ask you fabulous blond, it’s an invitation to my new years celebration…as you know I fixed up that old house out in the country and…I don’t know it’s been a rough year for us all. I think we should have something to celebrate.” Your team all looks at you warmly but all you can focus on is Hotch’s eyes, the emotion hidden under that usual serious expression and you can’t quite read him. But his smile warms your heart as you remember to mention. “Oh and I hope it goes without saying this invitations extends to your family’s I wanna see one cute ass Henry and jack running around my house eating cookies to their hearts delight!” that’s seems to excite JJ “that’s fabulous! Thank you y/n consider me a definite yes, Henry and will have so much fun at that big old house!” JJ gives you a big hug before sitting down. “like I’d miss a chance to snoop into your life! Consider me in beautiful beautiful girl!” You wink at Pen and thank her.

“Hey I helped you repair that place pretty girl of course I’m in gotta see my handy work” you nudge Derek with your elbow as you sit down next to him. You notice Hotch still had not said a word that you begin to worry he won’t wish to come. Considering everything that this year brought. But the rest of the team all agree and you are at least relieved about that much. As Pen takes the remote for the screen to begin on our new case. The entire time you can’t seem to tear your gaze from Hotch who seems to avoid your eyes and your heart begins to break little by little but you try and let it be for now. As Pen explains the gruesome case in front of you. “thank you my darling y/n for bringing some spark of happy happy fun times times to this morning cause this case is a doozie and a weird one….New York city is dealing with a serial killer who’s victims all thus far seem to be middle aged men of Irish decent…” the team begins speculating the why’s and who’s but you just can’t seem to hear as you look at Hotch and wonder if perhaps you offended him? That’s why he said nothing about coming…

“y/n may I see you in my office please” Hotch says after telling you all, wheels up in an hour. You head into his office as he follows close behind and closing the door behind him. “um…is something wrong sir?”

you look at him and can’t help but lose yourself in his gaze even as he seems hesitant to talk. “No…yes, I mean-y/n I hope you don’t think because I did not give you an answer at the table that means I don’t wish to go or that I was acting rudely I was just taken by surprise-“

“why? You’re as much a part of my family as the rest of the team?” those words seem to soften Hotches mood and eyes, being replaced by a moment of heartfelt naked emotion that almost made your knees give in and your entire body melt away. He smiles,

“Thank you hun. But…..if that’s true why did you never mention you buying land in the country to me? Or that you needed help repairing it? I could have-I don’t know, but I would have been glad to help-“ his genuine wish to help everyone on his team all the time warms your entire heart and you find yourself giving a sigh of relief as if you you’ve held your breath this whole time. “Hotch….is that what your upset about?” he shyly nods in a way you’ve never seen before and you consider your next words carefully as your entire body wants to shout ‘because I’m in love with you dummy! And I was so scared that if we spent all that time together I’d just fall for you even harder and not be able to stop myself from saying something stupid. Never knowing if you felt that same way and it scares me and I don’t want to be a burden’

but instead you take a deep breath stepping closer to Hotch who’s arms are still crossed and standing by the door, stepping closer. “Hotch….i didn’t mention it because I know you, you would have offered to help me, to do whatever you and…with everything that’s happened. I figured you would want to spend your entire time with Jack, and I don’t wanna add to your workload . I want Jack to have time with his dad….its precious. And I don’t know I guess I didn’t want to burden you. That’s all…so….will you and Jack please do me the honour of being my guests?” you smile and don’t even realize how pleading your eyes betray in you. “y/n you can never be a burden….ever. Do you understand me?” his expression turns deadly serious as if you understanding is life and death. You meekly nod and smile “I understand now can you please say yes so I can breath again!” He laughs and it’s like music to your ears “we would love to is there a dress code?” ‘Aaron Hotchner whatever you wear will make me weak’ you think remembering those grey sweats he wore once at the hotel. You shake it off

“nope just whatever you are comfortable in”

you feel yourself able to stand a little higher now glad your whole family will be there.

….

The case was a tough one. Having to talk to too many victims families, realizing they were going to be going into the new year with such grief, was something that took pieces of your heart but you finally caught caught the unsub a young Irish woman who saw all these men as the one she lost many years ago and decided no one else was deserving of a man like him. “Must have been a good man” is all you seem to think. You feel yourself swell with pity a pang of guilt for all those families, victims you leave behind as you all fly back home….

Hotch let’s everyone go home early to get ready for your new years dinner. “I’ll see you all tonight well done everyone you all deserve to celebrate…”

everyone parts ways at the office but not before asking if there was anything you needed for the party “nothing but all of your companies lovely humans” as you see Reid leave you feel excited to see how he will like your in home library you built. You laugh to yourself and turn in time to see Hotch (the usual last person here) he steps up close to you “come on I’ll give you a ride then we can go together so I can help set up, better then you getting a cab” confusion is evident on your face as you reply “Hotch that’s not necessary? I can grab a taxi it’s no biggie and everything is already there just gotta set it in order that’s all plus what about Jack-“

“I’ll pick him up from his aunts on our way y/n ….i want to help….besides everyone else got to see this ‘big old house’. Me and jack want our own private viewing”

are you crazy or is Aaron Hotchner flirting? You can’t even argue you love both those boys and would be glad…

…

“that’s it just past the gate…as a warning I do have a housekeeper who will love spoiling Jack with all the fresh baked cookies!” “yayy!!!” Is all Jack could say before he sets eyes on your home away from home “THATS your house?! It’s like a castle!” Jacks childlike astonishment makes both you and Hotch laugh “well kiddo it WAS built a long time ago, I just fixed it up” Jacks eyes don’t leave the old mansion as he whispers “it looks like magic!” You blush with pride that this place can erupt such wonder from this amazing kids mind. “Thanks kiddo, maybe later I’ll show you and your dad around the whole place how does that sound?” jacks excitement grows as he asks his dad “sure buddy if it’s not to much trouble for miss y/n”

“no trouble at all”

…

After Introducing Hotch and Jack to your housekeeper and cook Mrs. Maclean you show them around some of the house saving the library for last, the biggest room in the house and and where the celebrations will take place. The entire time you watch as Hotch smiles the entire time, carrying Jack who’s smilies and laughs. You realize even if nothing comes between you and Hotch you are glad that you could help them be happy on new years, if anyone deserves some happiness it’s those two. Jack plays around the halls as Mrs Maclean puts the nonalcoholic spritzers and Champaign on ice “guests should be coming in soon and I expect you Mrs M to relax and let loose ill take care of letting everyone in. Won’t be many people other then the team it will just be a few more friends-“ she smiles and agrees as she looks between you and Hotch leaving you alone. “Thank you for this y/n….the party hasn’t even started and already Jack is having the time of his life it’s good to see…I thought this New Years was gonna be hard with…with everything that happened and Haley.” You can see Hotch’s eyes begin to tear up as he struggles. “I know Hotch it’s alright you don’t need to say more. And it’s absolutely my pleasure besides not everyday a persons home is called magical! Definitely highlight of my year?” You wink as you try to lighten the mood he lets out a light laugh from the cries and he holds your arm as he clears his throat “y/n…” he turns you to him dropping his hands to hold yours. You feel your heart pound as you look up at him longing and terrified

“Hotch?” “Aaron, please just call me Aaron”

“okay…Aaron…what’s wrong?” his hands tighten over yours as he clearly struggles to find the words

“I don’t really know how to say this, I’m, I’m your boss I know, and 20 years your senior and maybe this is a mistake but…perhaps I’m wrong but from what I noticed I thought you may feel the same way and this is probably only time we will be alone for the rest of the night so…I’m in love with you y/n….i think I’ve been in love with you for a while now and I think you feel the same way. I truly hope you do but if I’m I’m wrong and if I’ve made you uncomfortable-“ you try to speak, you want to speak, every part of you wants to admit how absolutely in love with this man you really are as you stood in absolute stunned disbelief, and apparently for too long as the doorbell rings

“fuck-let’s-can we continue later please?”

“yea it’s fine…. I said all I have to say….ill wait for how ever long it takes to hear whatever you wish to say” you run to the door as you faintly hear Aaron say “always”….

the night became a roaring success, your friends all hitting it off with your BAU family and vice versa, everyone having a good time, laughing and telling stories, pen and Derek flirting, Reid hitting it off with your English professor friends, Dave telling stories with JJ and will and Emily chatting it up with a couple of your veteran buddies. Throughout the night you never get a moment alone with Hotch and you start to fear you’ve missed your chance as it come five minutes to midnight and Mrs Maclean comes to you handing you a spritzer and whispering “it’s almost time dear” her Irish accent reminding her just what she meant.

“right” you take one more longing glance at Hotch before

“excuse me ladies and gents, it’s almost midnight and as it comes down to the time we would like to ask you to join us in an old tradition of ours and by we I of course mean my most loyal of housekeepers and friends Mrs Maclean, like this house, we have gone through plenty….like all of us, we have lived and loved and lost and gained and had to leave many behind and so we sing a classic to count down the new years together as a family. You and Mrs M begin “should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind. Should old acquaintance be forgot and auld lang syne…”

you feel your heart grow with pride and eyes begin to fill with tears of memories as you look at your veteran brothers and sisters, your professors, and your BAU family and everyone joins as you see Hotch walk closer to you until he stands by you, Jack holding his hand as they join “for auld lang syne my dear for auld lang syne”

“we’ll take a cup of kindness yet for auld lang syne….”

“Happy New Years everyone!” Everyone cheers in unison as you see everyone embracing each other and just as you finish giving Derek a hug and kiss you turn to Hotch who hugs Jack and kisses his head and turns to you. You hug Hotch, realizing you are finally in his arms your embrace tightens letting your warmth envelope each other

“happy new years sweetheart” he whispers in your ear as you do the same “Happy New years Aaron Hotchner” as you release you look into each others eyes and you find the courage as you devolve the fear in both of your eyes by making your move, grabbing his shirt and kissing Hotch deeply feeling him grab your waist and cupping your cheek deepening the kiss even further as you hear “whoooooooo! Yea Hotch get it!” You both release each other to laugh as you hold his face in your hands and whisper “I love you too Aaron Hotchner and I am so glad I get to go into the new Years kissing you and waking up with you…” you wink at him with implication as his eyes fill will love and darken with lust as he replies “I love you, and can’t wait for that and more”

….

as the last of your guests leaving you and Hotch by the door and Jack and Mrs Maclean eating what’s left of the cookies, you hug Aaron as he grabs you in and kisses your forehead, feeling his warmth and being so close gets your mind and body excited as you look up at Hotch and his eyes seems to read exactly what your thinking as he smiles “what are you thinking beautiful?” He caresses your arm, you shrug innocently but smirk “I’m thinking how would you and Jack like to stay the night? Have plenty of guest rooms already ready in preparation for anyone who wanted to stay the night….if you want” you pepper a kiss on his neck as Jack and Mrs M go into the library to drink the last of the spritzer. He groans and grabs you harder as you kiss his neck deeper. “You’re killing me y/n” he groans as you giggle “is that a yes”

he laughs “as if I could say no”

you release each other as Jack comes back and Hotch walks towards him and going on his knee “hey Buddy! Y/n wanted to know if youd wanna stay here tonight like a sleep over? Do you wanna?” Jacks eyes glow with excitement “yea Daddy can we!?” He smiled kissing his son on his head “of course buddy!” He turns to you “guess we are all in haha”

“perfect! Just so happens the treehouse room is all set anyway so Mrs Maclean could you show Jack the way and we still have a few packages of toothbrushes for our guests”

“of course come along dear you’ll love the treehouse room love it’s as magical as the woods of Ireland” she winks and takes him by hand….

The treehouse was built to look exactly like the whole room was carved in a tree. It was one of your favourite rooms in the house. “plus it’s just down the hall from my bedroom so if Jack needs anything you can try and. Pry yourself from me and save the day” you wink at Hotch as he closes the light in Jacks room and closes the door, he looks at you with darkened eyes as he grabs your neck lightly….

“stop teasing me little one unless your willing to pay the price” his vice deepened and you quiver with excitement as you squeeze your legs together feeling yourself getting wet. Your smile

“a price I’m more then ready to give you…sir”

he growls “fuck” kissing you deeply opening your mouth with his tongue and grabbing your neck as you moan “Aaron please”

he laughs into your mouth “patience sweetheart”

Hotch keeps his distance until you enter your bedroom as if he knows this is torture for you. Like a switch, a wild animal, Hotch closes the door behind him and immediately pins you to it, using his knee to separate your legs even further and pushes his body into you, crashing his lips on you, his tongue an overwhelming wave of pleasure as he opens your mouth wider with his tongue then biting your bottom lip you most into his mouth. He grabs your hair forcing you to look up at him. His eyes a mix of animalistic lust, and love, admiration and it’s makes your entire body weak.

“oh y/n you are gorgeous…do you have any idea how much I’ve wanted this…needed this, needing you”

you feel your entire body warm and shake with excitement as you whisper “you have me, I’m yours sir” and with that his lips crash into yours again and trailing down your neck, he tears off your clothes until your in nothing but your red lace bra and parties and Hotch groans as he looks up and down your entire body “how the hell have I not kissed you before-“

he carries you to the bed before you can answer, laying you down as he takes off his old grey t shirt and then his worn jeans. He stands at the edge of the bed his breath quickening, his eyes a storm of emotions as if he is offering himself to me and waiting for my judgement. He is giving all of him to you, scars, heart, body and soul. You slowly sit up moan “you’re incredible sir” you trail your hands lightly over each of his scars, he swallows hard as you keep one hand on his impressive hard on, pumping his cock, he groans as you begin to trail kisses over every scar you touched, his moans drive you crazy and are by far the hottest sounds you have ever heard. “yes y/n fuck”

you finally stand and kiss him as he pushes you down on to the bed, putting himself on top of you, you instinctively spread your legs wide for Hotch as he trails kisses down your neck and on your breast, biting your nipples as you moan “Aaron fuck!” And your hand goes through Hotches hair.

“Aaron please…please! I need you inside me please”

He groans as he adjusts himself to your entrance but hesitates

“are you sure babe? Are you sure this is what you want? That I’m what you want?” you wrap your legs around him in answer as you kiss h his neck trailing up to his ears “Aaron….youre all I want” with that all hesitation, everything that’s stopped you two from admittedi g your true feelings to each other all this time, everything that’s stopped you is out the window and now it’s just the two of you against everything. And you feel it as he thrusts into you with such a need you couldn’t control your own body as you grabbed Hotch for dear life scratching down his back and biting his shoulder as he bites your neck. You moan into each other until your release as he cums deep inside you….and you look into each other knowing that there’s no going back now….

you lay down beside each other, Hotch caressing your arms up and down, kissing your hands, shoulder and lips. His eyes a calm Caramel filled with love. “Happy New Years Aaron Hotchner”

“Happy New Years my love”

[dentos-wife]

Just saw Sonic 3 a second time which allowed me to put this into writing.

After sitting on what it is I like so much more about movie Shadow than the game one (who I also enjoy don’t get me wrong) and I think I hit on two things

Maria feels much less than a plot device and Shadow’s grief is much rawer.

I go over them below the cut and warning this is really long

1) Maria feels much less than a plot device.

Yes she’s no longer ill-*as far as we know* but her illness isn’t a defining trait anymore. In the game project shadow is tied to curing her illness he was created for her and thus you could argue they’ve been tied together since the day he was born which is wholesome and has platonic soulmate vibes and it’s great BUT I like choice. And this whole movies theme is choice. They hammer pretty hard it's all about making the right choices in the end. Well Maria fits that theme too.

In Sonic 3 she of her own volition choose him. We don’t know why she’s with her granddad, she could still be sick and that’s why he takes her everywhere with him we just do not know. But that is no longer important what important is she sees Shadow floating in that little tube and goes over to him, draws a little bunny face. She places her hand on the tube and decides he’ll be her friend and that is so powerful for him when everyone looks at him as some kind of alien freak. She kidnaps him from all the tests they do on him, is the only one who sees him as he is. She even mentions choices when they're looking at the stars after she sneaks them both to the top of the base to look at them. (I don’t like him no longer being a lab creation but I’ll live lol. I still think Black Doom created him, that comet he came down on is very much a Black Doom reference)

But back to Maria. She is also given a character now, she likes music, likes to roller skate, enjoys movies, gets into trouble, makes a little fort it’s very base character to go off of yes but it gives us so much more of a look at the girl she was and the influence in Shadow’s life she was. She’s no longer a protect the planet martyr we know nothing about she’s just…a girl. A young girl with a big heart who meant the world to Shadow and she’s gone. I did enjoy the interactions in Shadow Generations as well and it was about time but Maria in that still feels like she exists to die, to further Shadow's story and in the movie, I don't know how to explain it but she feels more like a real girl than a character trope.

2) Shadow’s grief is rawer and he doesn’t know how to handle it.

In the game Sonic Adventure 2 Shadow is living out a lie, we find out his memories are manipulated by Gerald and once he finally remembers he sacrifices himself to protect Maria’s true wish to live a life filled with purpose and protect the world even if she has to die (and then he was so popular they brought him back yada yada you know the drill)

Again, there’s nothing wrong with it. But so much of it hinders on Maria being this purer than life heavenly lamb that gets sacrificed who we know next to nothing about which eh isn’t a trope I’m fond of. In the movies this is changed to you are who you chose and you're my friend Shadow which I prefer, makes the relationship feel more grounded and real.

Sonic 3 Shadow has no memory manipulation at all. He sees the one person he cared about, the one friend he had die from a tube of his own chaos energy. Yes I do agree they are cowards for not letting her get shot and making GUN not as much of an antagonist, we’ll get to that; but how they had her die instead? From Shadow’s own power? That’s a great compromise. He doesn’t even have time to think about it and is automatically thrown into a liquid prison for 50 years. Who knows how many times that memory played over and over on his head? He says it's all I known for 50 years. Imagine seeing the one person you care about die over and over again it's almost like Shadow was in his own personal time loop but he had no control over anything.

So edgy mcedgestr wakes up in what’s basically a brand new world after suffering for 50 years and everyone is after him, he’s in pain doesn’t know why, is pissed off can’t trust anyone including the blue thing that looks like him; Sonic stepped out of a GUN helicopter he knows he will NEVER trust GUN but he recognizes Gerald who says they’ll get revenge so he follows him because it's familiar to him, and Gerald knew and was close to Maria too.

When Tom is on the brink on death (Which would NOT have been as powerful if we didn't see Tom and Sonic bond for two movies before this so well done) Sonic is PISSED, Shadow feels validated and he sees himself in the other hedgehog; he knows Sonic will kill him because he knows exactly how Sonic feels. He loses to Sonic who kicks the emeralds out of him and accepts defeat- allowing Sonic to take the revenge he wants. And Sonic stops. Sonic who has the exact same rage refuses to give into it. He makes the choice to not kill Shadow out of revenge. Shadow is confused he thought he figured everything out. Sonic's one choice changed his world view.

He remembers Maria’s words about the stars as he sits on the moon with Sonic learning about grief how it never leaves but you live with it and the memories he has aren't a bad thing if he chooses to keep the love in them, a light shines even though the star is gone, the new main quote, VERY different from the game but it works here very well. This time it’s about how those gone are still with you and you can always cherish those memories instead of dwelling on them and yes we all know this it’s the most basic of basic messages but Shadow needs to learn it! Maria, his star is gone but her light still shines on everyone she touched. That’s the beauty of this quote and it works so well with what they did with Shadow.

I would argue that’s why Shadow didn’t have his, “is this what you wanted Maria…” line it’s no longer about what she wants, though there is a great line where he questions what Maria would have wanted, but in the end it’s about the choice Shadow makes what Shadow himself wants, and Shadow decides to accept his feelings. Live with his guilt, live with his grief, live with his happy memories of Maria and use everything in his power to save the world from himself and Gerald’s revenge. Yes in the end he does think he’s going to die, but he’s sacrificing himself with a purpose and understanding for himself, not Maria though she’s still the catalyst. He spent the whole time alive figuring out what he wanted and, he would have died at peace instead of dying vengeful.

But he survives unlike in SA2, (remember to stay for the second scene in the end credits everyone) so we don’t have to give him some silly reason to come back to life. He’s alive and now he can live not for Maria’s wish but for himself. He’s alive and will always feel Maria’s absence, some days will be better than others and he probably needs a good cry but he made his choice for himself and he’ll continue to make more and live in the world. And I think that’s a damn good arc.

As for the rest I do think the movie would have been more powerful as a whole if Gerald wasn’t a loon and they went more into Shadow’s military purpose, showing a change in Gerald over time was he always batshit insane? I like to think he went mad with his grief of losing his granddaughter and feeling used by GUN. Or maybe at 104 he just lost what's left of his brain. But all he wanted was vengeance and he'd use anyone to get it. As he said it's not about what Maria wanted but it's about punishment. Gerald could have even had Ivo who thought the world of him but that wasn't enough he made the choice to value punishment over everything else. This parallel's Shadow in a way Shadow accepting grief and all the feelings that come with it. Gerald refuses and will kill everyone and himself first

GUN was...lol. I do like they don't confuse Shadow and Sonic anymore that was always hard to take in in SA2 but Walters had the lamest death ever if he's really dead. Rockwell they had to set up to dislike Team Sonic and I got the vibe she didn't jive with them since the beginning. So yeah this stuff was meh, Shadow was practically perfect though so I can forgive it

Anyway as a Shadow fan who always wanted more on Maria the person I love this change and I love how much it focuses on not just the choices Sonic makes (and hits you over the head with) but the choices Shadow makes which all comes down to the ultimate choice that started it all. Maria choosing Shadow.

[brilliantfantasticgeronimo]

thought to myself u know what. i havent watched falsettos enough. so here's a couple things i noticed in my latest impromptu rewatch (rewatch number 52th probably?? 67th?) + just some nice bits n parallel that are always Good (tm):

"he loves another" "i agree" with ("-man") going unsaid

the chess games following trina's song about stupid men and their little games

"that's the king. please protect him" That's marvin saying "please protect me. don't hurt me"

whizzer moves the pieces randomly in the revival but i like to imagine he's actually beating marvin at the game in the end... and the whole thing was him pretending to not know how to play, and that hurt marvin's ego more than anything

"now marvin, bend" as a sexy moment but later gets re-framed as a "unwillingness to change perspective" moment

"nothing is everything to me / except sex / and money" in that money whizzer is playing to marvin's insecurity that he's only sticking with marvin for his money- is so needlessly cruel (and thus such... delicious character writing lol)

"and he loves me so" that "so" at the end is sort of a "loves me so much" but also a dare. he loves me, so what can you even do about that?"

"ask me if i love him, it depends on the day"// "do i love him?… no"

"son with a brain, and nice bright mother" showing mendel is like marvin (+ many, many men) and wants a wife half just to do domestic labor for him (goes well with the "washing your laundry, washing your socks!" line)

"he loves his father" // "i love things i never had"

"im everything he wanted" here trina finally realizes how she was such a insecure woman for such a long time and why she could put up with so much / settle for so little ("love me for what i am, not what i try to be" etc)

i love that "what ive done to you is rotten" is the slap to trina, is not taking to jason about his sexuality, and is Also telling trina and jason he "never ever, wanted to love" them. triple treat of bad parenting lol (but our man gets there in the end #bless him)

"a man kid, you'll be kid, whatever your song" the kind of reversed coming out metaphor of it all. ugh. so good!! (also i always cry at this bit bc... i will never have this with my parents :) rip haha whoops)

"pretty boys are in demand" just a good line for the whole gay men dying everywhere + the 'dating frenzy' energy of the era

"im not a giant man" /"good" // "one day i hope to be / as mature as my son who is 12 and a half / and this tall… that's all i want to be, that's all"

"we'll spent BILLIONS of dollars" and then the actual thing plays the way it does

"making the most pathetical errors" as a metaphor for marvin's arc…. making constant errors in love but making a homerun at the end

"should i take this new promotion OR should i take this IBM job?" is an amazing, anti-corporate lyric that fits greatly w/ the most explicitly political (likely authorial) song in the musical that, imho, shouldn't have been cut in the revival. in hindsight tho i imagine the revival people felt very proud and """progressive""" when they made that cut lol is very much a typical liberal move: "cant have true emancipation or revolutions but u cant have some \~upward mobility in the job market xoxo". also on the same vein, cutting the line "i'll change my life, and hire a maid" from the og "and fire the maid" like it's this huge feminist moment lol ughhhh hh

(other line-cuts that frustrate me… "it's queer, mr. marvin", "i could use a little drink" and "i just bought a family" . i feel w/ all of these they tooks some "edge" of the OG characters and kind of attempted to make them "nicer". but it really just makes them a little flatter, a little less real) ( and also some scenes just plain make less sense (marvin's drink line leading to his outburst)

(but bc it's not All Bad sdklfj in fairness, i belie the whole "why don't we tell him, that we don't have the awnsers? (…) this is the start to his becoming a man" bit - is SUCH a great part for mendel, it goes so hard and from what i remember is not in the original falsettos? correct me if im wrong but if it was a new addition in the revival, imo it's a huge improvement to the scene flow… and dare i say, brings the whole climax together, and spells out The Aesop for people who hadn't gotten it by the end of Act 2) -"let me go, im not ashamed to have loved you" // "what's the matter trina, darling, why cant you let go?" -"feel all right for the rest of your life" The Message of the play implicit in it.. "even if it's cut short"

"you save lives, and i serve chicken fat / i can't fucking deal wit hthat" / "maybe is not dumb the way this whole thing ends / the food tastes really yummy!"

"it's about growing up, getting older, living on a lover's shoulder" /"but i confess, you grow up, you get old, you hate less"

"the ground shifting, the rules keeps changing" and it's when the set changes for the first time!!! (/eats all my walls)

"isn't it enough i love you every night?" "who?" // "we had trouble parking, just like on our second date" "i hyperventilate"

"good men never fail" // "but i can't help but feeling i've failed " proving once again those machista lessons marvin learned when young were wrong.... it's clear that him showing weakness at that moment to whizzer was The Right Thing To Do. and what the moment called for.

"the last little mountain ill climb" sound of music ref? maybe?

i only wanted to love and not be blamed " // "who would i blame my life on?"

[4str0nuts]

DEEP DIVE INTO HORROPEDIAS AUTISTIC CODING : A GIANT ANALYSIS THING

ALTERNATE TITLE IS WHY THE FANDOM SHOULD CHECK OUT HOW THEY TREAT AUTISTIC CHARACTERS

Disclaimer before I go in; i’m using the global translations and the english voice acting as I am on the global server lol. This may affect some things but hopefully not a lot! Also i’m using this video [https://youtu.be/ygAkz4L2AMo?si=elrUeXGompMKYXUJ] for my proof and will provide timestamps!

Horropedia is one of the most loved characters in Reverse:1999 (bc haha funny autistic guy) , yet I literally see no serious posts discussing his character or even going into his character— even at a basic level. I’ve kinda been off to the side observing how the fandom treats Horropedia and it makes me question if people actually like him or some alternate version of him. Yeah sure this is a problem in every fandom but I’m too attached to Horropedia and i’m going to make it everyone’s problem.

There's all sorts of mischaracterisations of him where his autism is reduced to him being an “asshole” and “uncaring”, or that he is some funny reddit meme sona when that’s the case at all! Every other character gets to have serious posts yet when it comes to a very blatant autistic coded character, suddenly no one knows how to act despite the fact the fandom (going off of the twitter fandom here) prides itself on neurodivergency; so I’m here to dump a ton of analysis on Horropedia using ingame sources as proof as well as my own knowledge (as someone who is autistic myself), whilst also debunking mischaracterisations of him. I’m also doing this as I don’t think people treat Horropedias autistic coding seriously, seeing it as silly and thus ignoring all of his character.

Jumping straight in, Horropedia is not an asshole and is actually quite a caring character, even if he doesn’t show it conventionally. To me, it’s quite obvious that he cannot understand people at an emotional level, and always relies on his logical way of thinking no matter the situation; for example, when he broke Blonneys camera, he clearly does not understand why she is mad/upset and instead tries to comfort her logically rather than emotionally. Even when Blonney is very much showing she is mad, Horropedia cannot process that and cannot understand until she actually explains it [Part 5 54:07-57:20]. I can see why people may see it as an asshole move since he tells her to be “reasonable” over the camera breaking, though it is clear that this is another one of his autistic traits as people with autism have a hard time connecting with others’ in an empathetic way(which can come off as being blunt and uncaring) yet no one seems to mention that. Despite this, he still offers her to buy her a new camera once Blonney vents out to Jessica, coming to terms with what he did and making it up to her. [Part 12 2:10:37]

Adding onto the last point, Horropedia shows concern and care multiple times throughout the story. Even if he is bad at comforting people, he still tries to acknowledge what is wrong in regards to the situation. I’m trying to keep this short as I don’t necessarily think this is due to his autism but a cool detail I found with the English voice acting is that his tone gets softer when he’s more genuine (it could be seen as masking but shrug. Not too sure on this one as I'm making this point to show he does care in his own way.) He constantly makes sure everyone is safe and goes out of his way to protect others [Part 4 51:08 , Part 6 1:16:18-1:16:39], which is a small detail I think people gloss over. It’s just nice seeing Horropedia care for others in his own way since I struggle with expressing affection / emotions like him.

Back to his way of thinking, it’s practically plastered everywhere that he thinks in a logical way and takes everything at face value no matter what, which is a trait associated with autism. At the very start of the very event, he even breaks down Vertins joke and still a conclusion was that she wasn’t the person he was looking for (knowing full well she was) [Part 1 11:06-11:50]. Horropedia also explains things at face value— in a basic and straightforward way no matter what it is, which is another example of not truly understanding things at an emotional level! [Part 9 1:42:45-1:43:09]This does not mean he does not consider the consequences of a situation, and Horropedia actively avoids situations where it poses a threat / harm to others. Mentioning this to point out how some people in the fandom treat him like he is stupid?— Despite how he is the basic definition of a nerd with references to it all over his character and voice lines! Yes, he could be seen as careless considering he goes to Green Lake just like that with no approval, but he certainly isn’t oblivious to dangers around him. Horropedia himself explains that he is into horror movies because of how illogical they are(stating how it is like a puzzle), not necessarily the fear of them; so it makes no sense for Horropedia to directly put himself or others in harm's way.

Still relating to his way of thinking, Horropedia uses his horror logic so he can understand situations around him. He directly links back to his special interest to understand things— and to an extent others— better, special interests are a trait exclusive to autistic people! By using his horror special interest, he can understand the world better from his perspective. I don't even need to get examples of this because throughout the Green Lake event he makes references and links to horror movies, basing predictions on what to do in order to survive in the stereotypical like scene of Green Lake. Horropedia is full of reasoning, and despite his “debatable manners” (thanks Sonetto),he is not always too absurd with his predictions. It baffles me that people treat Horropedia like he is some happy-go-lucky kid, running head first into danger; he takes the time to understand a given situation in a way he would understand before doing anything.

Another really obvious thing is that he can’t understand social cues, or the body languages of others at all. Essentially he cannot read the room. The whole “I know the rules of social courtesy” [Part 12 2:19:19] line doesn’t necessarily mean he understands social cues— rules are (usually) based in logic and reasoning, and not emotions. Social courtesy just means the rules of society (or the foundation in this case? eh), and Horropedia knows he HAS to abide by the rules or else he will be in trouble. Something seen as ‘basic’ and ‘simple’ to people considered ‘normal’ by society may be hard to grasp by people who do not benefit from society (autistic people). Horropedia understands the ‘logical reasoning’ of how someone acts but he can’t connect with or understand someone else’s emotional responses. Literally look at most of his interactions with the film crew and Blonney, Jessica even steps in at one point to stop him from making the fight between Jason and Blonney worse [Part 6 1:11:38]; and even then he tries to use logic to break down the situation. Horropedia can’t pick up on social cues for the life of him, including body language and tone.

Smaller point here but I have a feeling Horropedia’s tone is hard to understand to some of the characters. Tooth Fairy couldn’t tell if Horropedia was joking towards the end of the event , where he shows off his “sense of humour”. Nothing much to add here I just found that really interesting…

Ive rinsed out all the notes I’ve taken on Horropedias autistic coding so far…….. feel free to add on more….. I may have gotten some things wrong because I have been working on this for a few hours straight. Surprisingly I still have more to analyse outside of his autism so if people are interested let me know bc i’m desperate .

TLDR: horropedia is autistic thanks for reading.

[letterex-fyofm]

tskym thought because finals are over wii

Most people talk about how Tadashi puts Tsukki on a pedestal. I actually thought that the first time I watched Haikyuu. I thought that Tadashi's moment consisted of him standing up to Tsukki and pushing him off the pedestal and finally having both of them stand on the same level

Now I rewatched Haikyuu, and rewatched it again and again. Read bits of the manga, watched stage plays, read Furudate's statements, you get the gist.

I don't think Tadashi ever put Tsukki on a pedestal. I think we can all agree that Kei is pretty cool. If anything, his moment at the Shiratorizawa match served to confirm it to us. Tadashi always saw his friend for who he was, someone cool. Yeah, Kei may not view it that way. We know very well how low his self-esteem used to be. Which is funny, since his best friend looks at him as if he is the one who hung up the stars in the sky. Kei doesn't think he is worthy of that look, and he tells Yamaguchi to be quiet. Because he knows how it feels to admire someone so much and then be disappointed when they fail to reach your expectations. Akiteru lied to protect the image his little brother had of him. Kei tells Yamaguchi to be quiet to prevent other people get that image of him which he thinks it's false.

But Tadashi laughs and says a sorry he doesn't really mean, because Tadashi knows it is true. And thus, Tsukki gives up and rolls with what Yamaguchi says.

That's what gets Tadashi so mad. Because he knows his friend is so cool, so why is he acting so lame? Tadashi never says "you're lame", but "you're being lame". He never chews down Tsukki in his rant but instead reminds him of the attributes he has. Tsukki is tall, he is smart. He could be the best if he wanted. Why can't he see that?

Tadashi didn't kick Tsukki from the pedestal he had built, because there was never a pedestal in the first place. There is a popular phrase that goes around everywhere: what I would give to make you see yourself in the way I see you. For me, their fight in the training camp was Tadashi shoving a mirror in front of Kei's face, both to make him realise how lame he is acting and how much it didn't suit someone as cool as him.

But Kei doesn't see that, because he is too busy seeing Tadashi.

I think Kei too had the image of Tadashi that I used to have: that Tadashi had him on a pedestal. And of course, that is not really cool. Kei resents his younger self for putting so much pressure on his brother. Maybe he thinks that, even if Tadashi was sincere, their friendship was not. For him, Tadashi loved someone who Kei was not. Just like little Kei admired someone Akiteru was not. Was that maybe why he appeared so closed off to Yamaguchi during the first chapters?

But Tadashi had the guts to grab him from his collar, jank him front and back, and yell at his face: What more do you need than pride.

So, Tadashi sees Kei as who he is. A flawed person, who is still cool. And the Tadashi who was a reflection of Kei's younger self, a lost boy who didn't know better, that image shatters in front of Kei's eyes. Because Tadashi was never looking up to an illusion but looking at Kei straight in the eyes.

And the Tadashi Kei sees is someone really cool. And that really cool guy thinks he is cool.

So, even if he is not convinced, he goes to ask for help to gym 3. And we know the rest of the story.

[physalian]

Guys I have had an epiphany about ACOTAR’s Popularity

The whole thing is about how amazing and fun romantacy books like ACOTAR specifcally and... lord, do we see the romances portrayed by SJM differently.

"We want dragons, rose gardens, and strong characters who are absolutely getting laid but whose relationships with men don't define them."

"She also does the smutty bits with precision and flaire. And most significantly, in a way that women can get behind."

"The ACOTAR series goes to great lengths to demonstrate that the heroine is safe and comfortable, even spelling out how she isn't being financially coerced."

I'm not even mad. The divide between how this person and me, as both "the girls" that I'm apparently included in, is just so astronomically wide that getting mad won't fix anything.

But. This is what you call 'safe' and 'comfortable'? This is what you call smut with precision and flair? Outing myself here but I have read so much more smutty fanfic of higher quality than anything by SJM. But, it's still "fanfic" and thus cringey and uncool.

But I have had an epiphany.

Originally this post was a lot different. I was sitting here in reaction to the above article writing a treatise imploring the desperate defenders of this author and her books to be able to admit that what they like is not well-written and not objectively romantic, and to not flinch from its imperfections. I was trying to explain the distortion books this popular cause, as happened when the popularity Hunger Games launched a whole sub-genre of teen dystopia that was absolutely everywhere for a few years.

However, this lady’s opinion piece about ACOTAR has done more to explain how the fuck these books are so popular more than any nasty rant I’ve received anonymously in my inbox. Either way y’all need to chill with the harassment, but I understand, now.

ACOTAR’s popularity runs along conservative-liberal lines. It’s only romantic escapist fantasy if you’ve grown up being told that aggressive, controlling, disrespectful men are being romantic. I can’t implore these fans to stop romanticizing the red flags if they don’t see the red flags in the first place.

And in that way, as sick as I am of this book constantly being shoved in my face, as badly as I want a new, better author to boot SJM off the podium, as nasty as y’all can be desperately defending these books… I’m not mad at you, I feel bad for you.

—

I get the desire to turn your brain off and read the shitty fairy smut. I burned through every book in TOG in about six days—not because I liked it, mind you, morbid curiosity had me determined to know how it would end and if she’d fulfil her threat of killing a major character to satisfy a prophecy.

I understand now that much of the audience for this series has been trapped in a conservative closet shaming women for their libidos and ACOTAR is a book that is loudly and proudly and very popularly, very smutty and a safe space for these women to express themselves and that yes they do like smut and romance without shame and that they are sexual beings that don’t merely exist as an accessory to men (which is horribly ironic given the treatment of women by men in these books but I digress).

Because you have to grow up and be surrounded by glorified men like Rhysand, in a culture that tells you over and over again that he is romantic, to see what he does and think that it’s the height of romance. That’s probably why the cognitive dissonance is so strong and why the defenders of this series dig their heels in so deeply and lash out so aggressively. To admit that Rhysand is abusive is to turn the spotlight on all the real men who must also be abusive. This is supposed to be escapist fantasy, after all, and we don’t want to think about that.

The idea of a strange, supernatural force of hot man meat to whisk you away from your boring, grey reality, who takes control and is vibrantly passionate and knows what he’s doing in bed is absolutely escapist fantasy… if you’re trapped in the role of the demure, docile, disrespected housewife with a deadbeat husband who maybe lasts five seconds. Or at least, that’s the vibe I got from the writer of this article, who decided herself to speak for all “the girls”.

This is a series that appeals to all the women who were little girls told by adults “he’s hitting you on the playground because he likes you” and “you should just give him a chance” but never woke up to how insidious that is.

The article is absolutely an opinion piece and it was the article’s author first who said that these books are “more fun than therapy" and it is so, so tempting to drag that elephant into the room because what aren’t you going to therapy for but instead treating with this book, ma’am? but that line alone is telling enough of this author's enduring popularity. I've been harassed enough by people on here screaming about how romantic SA is and if I was a survivor, I'd think so too.

So many of these Booktok fans are like rebelling tweens who think it’s edgy to wear black lipstick with their Abercrombie shirts and Converse. It would be funny seeing the bar they set for quality fiction and romance if I wasn't already absolutely exhausted by this series and how absolutely nasty its defenders can be. It wouldn't even be funny, it would be a little endearing, actually, seeing a whole contingent of women with no idea how far smut can go thinking ACOTAR is the pinnacle of fiction, but gosh darn it, it just had to be rapey as hell.

Ironically, you’re not fighting “the man” as much as you think you are when you look at Rhys and then go looking for real men just like him. You’re doing all the men like Rhys who will happily stalk you, manipulate you, hurt you, and disrespect you, a favor by praising them all over Booktok.

What I’d like ACOTAR fans to understand is that there exists a vast realm of possibility where you can have quality writing, sexy smut, and an edgy bad boy who respects his love interest. One need not be sacrificed for the others.

ACOTAR and its popularity are the product of a generation who grew up on Twilight and completely lost the meaning of what a Bad Boy is supposed to be. ACOTAR and TOG are Twilight, except that this version of Bella is slightly more competent. The love interests are just Edward and Jacob reskinned, over and over and over again. And it actually makes me miss Twilight.

And what I’d also like you to understand is that the people like me who hate these books and everything they represent don’t hate you for reading them. I can’t stop anyone from reading this, in my opinion, terrible series. But there’s a whole world out there of fictional men who actually respect their love interests. So if you’re going to rebel and loudly embrace your femininity, don’t stop with ACOTAR. Go find books with actual strong female protagonists. Fuck, go watch Wicked and come back and tell me if Elphaba would ever put up with any man from an SJM book.

So, please, the next time someone tells you that Rhysand is an abusive asshole, and it makes you uncomfortable, maybe stop and think about why.

And if the writer of that article doesn’t speak for you as one of “the girls” forgive me if I came across as condescending. I was also told “he’s mean to you because he likes you” and I woke up.

[zykamiliah]

what about bingqiu?

this is my response to this post. i didn't want to reply in the same post because it's going to get really long, and i disagree with almost everything, so this way i may avoid the discourse. haha. anyway, i'm gonna try to answer each of op's points.

-why bingqiu are a couple:

♦ because despite everything, they've chosen each other. not because they're soulmates (though mxtx did pull the string of fate thing), but because they genuinely want to spend time together

it's very subtle but they do share some values and similarities: they both repay kindness with kindness and believe that one should pay back those who hurt you twofold/tenfold. furthermore, they are both petty bitches. as @fireandgrimstone pointed out here, they're both busybodies: they get restless if they aren't doing something.

on that note: self-preservation is not a core value they share. sqq is terrible at self-preservation. from the first moment, instead of minding his own business, he risked losing points (which would terminate his account and kill him) just to protect binghe when he was being bullied by ming fan and co. sqq couldn't stand by watching someone being bullied. then during the demon invasion, he was ready to risk his own life to protect all the cqm disciples. he was willing to self-destruct to take out sha hualing.

the thing is that sqq likes to lie about himself and say everything he does is out of self-preservation, but it isn't true.

so, if it wasn't out of self preservation, why did sqq pushed binghe into the endless abyss? yes, it needed to happen, but he didn't do it to save himself. he can't hurt binghe just to protect himself. he did it because he brainwashed himself into believing this was the best for binghe, that binghe needed to in order to become strong and achieve his fate.

(chapter 4: conference)

♦ because they give each other what they need. consistent love, support and understanding was something lbh really needed, and those 2-3 years before the immortal alliance conference did wonders for binghe to allow himself to feel vulnerable and be more in touch with his own feelings. this will get screwed up post-endless abyss but sqq does encourage him in the extras to express his feelings and talk about what he thinks and feels.

now, what lbh gives to sqq may not seem obvious (thank you for the help, luuny!♥), since sqq's layered narration is tricky to deconstruct, but by the end of the novel lbh can get past sqq's tsundere/savin face bullshit. sqq has all his toxic masculinity ideas and internalized homophobia that he keeps dragging everywhere he goes, and his relationship with lbh, who was supposed to be the epitome of masculinity, has allowed him to shed off some of it. but not all. thus, lbh knows when sqq needs to be pushed or coaxed into doing something he already wants to do but thinks he shouldn't want and doesn't know how to justify (sex for example). lbh also gives sqq the whole domestic package: someone to dote on, someone that does the chores and takes care of him, because frankly sqq is good at many things but he fails at self-care.

♦ domesticity and companionship. for bingqiu it wasn't like other couples who were first attracted to each other from one reason or another and from then on the relationship developed. the first period of their relationship is mostly platonic (poor binghe is suffering the teenage hormones), and was based on the easy domesticity and companionship they shared. and honestly that's such a simple yet beautiful kind of love. they genuinely like spending time together, living together, talking to each other. they never get bored of being together or of each other, which brings me to

♦ the obsession. like, it's honestly hilarious how obsessed they are with each other. sy was already obsessed with pidw protagonist bingge, but in svsss he got to love and get obsessed all over again with his own binghe aka bingmei. and from lbh's pov it's more or less the same: he had a complicated relationship with original sqq, which was the start of it all, but the person he loves is not the cold shizun from the past who he needs to prove himself to, but the one that's always trying to protect him, even if it's from himself. in both cases, their relationship started with distance, with the shadow of the other version of each other they'd known before. but what made them fall in love weren't those ghosts from the past, but the person they could see underneath it all: the hardworking boy that just wanted to be loved, and the closeted man who wants to give love and help others and have a purpose and belong to something (binghe understands that sqq would be unhappy if he couldn't visit cqm, qjp and his sect siblings). this relates to the fact that

♦ they understand each other better than anyone else. it takes them time, but that's the point of their journey and by the time we read about their relationship in the extras, we can see that despite everything, they not only understand each other very well but actively try to understand each other better. they already made the mistake of making too many assumptions, and they're not doing that again.

________________

another point that op got wrong:

off the top of my head an example would be how bingge (he-with-no-shen-yuan) took a harem of beauties so he could control xin mo but bingmei (he-with-shen-yuan) decided to just... cripple people's cultivation (...) what i'm getting at is that binghe was willing to pay other people's lives just so he didn't have to be intimate with anyone except shen yuan.

bingge too was cripping other cultivators to get ride of the excess of demonic qi, it's just that after he captured the three nuns from tianyi overlook they taught him how to achieve the same result using dual cultivation. (thanking @stardust-falling for their notes on this topic!)

(chapter 9: borderlands)

[blradley]

By popular (ish) request: a WIP intro

KING OF THE WORLD (Adult romantasy/comedy, m/m)

Meet MALEVOLOTH (Loth to his friends. If he had any - ), a tyrannical dragon-king who reigns over the realm of Krazuk with a fire-filled fist. Has burned millions. Will do it again. A proud human-hater, for reasons (no, he won’t talk about it), he lives by the doctrine that only the strongest can rule.

...Which means that he spent the entirety of his five kids' lives subjecting them to horrific abuse. He pitted them against each other constantly, almost killing them to ‘make them stronger’, encouraging them to fight for power and privilege and never displaying affection unless it’s part of a ploy.

…....And then he wonders why he gets brutally assassinated and deposed.

Because he spent 0 time on building any sort of political stability and +1000 time on WAR and TORTURE-MURDER and BEING HORRID, his kingdom crumbles the minute he can no longer terrorize everyone into order. The vultures are circling, as his five children splinter the army to form their own factions and fight each other for the crown, and the surrounding kingdoms throw their collective hats in the ring in a bid to piss on Loth’s legacy as much as possible.

In short: womp, womp, no bitches.

Loth tries to project a personality that is cold, calculating, and oozing menace, to the point that he glamours his body to look far more imposing than he actually is – but he’s the sort of loser who starts screaming internally whenever things don’t go his way. When he can no longer control the actions of everyone around him, he becomes a shaking wreck, constantly catastrophising, refusing to believe that anyone could ever be kind to him without ulterior motive.

Loth spent his whole life (except for. Some very bleak formative parts.) as the despotic ruler of this kingdom. He has completely lost touch with anything outside of the prison he built for himself within his own mind, where everyone is an enemy.

MALEVOLOTH SONGS: You’re Nobody Till Somebody Wants You Dead (Saint Motel); To Ashes and Blood (Arcane, Woodkid); King of Disappointment (Echoes)

Enter AZRAEL DE LIONHART, a young human man who’s been on the run from Loth his entire life (he was prophesied as a baby to be the one to eventually slay him. Loth, unable to be Normal about anything, has been hunting him ever since).

He’s thoughtful. He’s kind. He’s warm-hearted, and seems to actually care about the endless human collateral of the wars sparked by Loth’s heirs as they bicker over the crown. Despite the absolute hell Loth’s put him through, he doesn't succumb to trauma and darkness. Instead, he makes friends everywhere he goes, and genuinely does his utmost to help anyone who needs him.

Obviously, this is all a cunning act to gain the support of the people, so he can steal the throne for himself.

Or so Loth tries to convince himself, with increasing desperation. No one can be that kind. That forgiving. That… handsome. It’s not possible.

Right?

In fact, there’s only one person in the entire world that our noble hero seems to hate… and that’s Malevoloth himself.

Whoops.

AZRAEL SONGS: Dear Fellow Traveller (Sea Wolf); New Eyes (Echoes); Me and the Devil (Soap and Skin); Thus Always To Tyrants (The Oh Hellos)

Thankfully (?) following a near-successful assassin attempt from his kids, Loth is stuck in the body of Azrael's beloved tutor: the erudite imp RIVVEN of VARRUN, who has been teaching Azrael how to fight a diverse menagerie of beasts.

Unthankfully, Rivven is very, very dead, and it's 100% Loth's fault. And all of Loth’s once-legendary powers have been lost to him, much like his corpse, which has been locked in his old fortress to prevent resurrection attempts by his dedicated cult.

If Azrael finds out that Rivven… isn’t Rivven anymore, things will get very, very bad for Loth. If Loth can con Azrael into returning him to his cadaver, where Loth can reverse his accidental bodyswap (and, um, rebuild his exploded head), things will get exceedingly bad for Azrael.

All Loth has to do is get this trusting, naive idiot to guard him for the duration of one eensy-weensy cross-continental journey. Then it's all over for humanity's so-called hero.

…Only what’s that voice in the back of his head? The one that sounds like a cross between Jiminy Cricket and a certain tortured-to-death imp?

And why, with each passing day, does the prospect of killing Azrael become less appealing?

RIVVEN SONGS: Liar (The Arcadian Wild); The Devil Within (Digital Daggers); The Whole Being Dead Thing (Alex Brightman & Beetlejuice Cast)

TL;DR: ‘we’ve gotta kill this guy, Steven.’  ‘okay but. hear me out. what if I romanced him instead?’ ‘but you’re prophesied to kill him??’ ‘…your point is?’

(note: I have no idea how long this concept will itch at my brain, and I'm mostly focusing on my vampire imperialism story & my YA at the moment! but it's a fun background project for me to poke at when I get bored of the others~ intro for the Vampire project will be coming soon!)

[hockeyboysimagines]

May I request smut for Arber Xhekaj? Maybe one where the female reader works for the Habs team and she and Arber catch feelings??

Okay I really hope you like this. This is the first time I’ve ever written for him and I only just put him on my list. If this goes well, haha, I’ll start planning for something longer with him. Here’s hoping 🤞🏻

You often wondered why you had a penchant for putting yourself in the situations that you did.

Dumb? A glutton for punishment? High?

All three you decided as you sat there, squirming in your seat as Arber stared at you.

To say you had a crush on him was putting it mildly. It was beyond that now.

Being the social media manager for an NHL team was supposed to be easy. Great hours, great pay, great atmosphere, and thus far all of those things had turned out to be true but what they hadn’t prepared you for was Arber.

The first time you saw him, you’d actually frozen mid sentence and lost your whole train of thought when you made eye contact. Your face got red, you stumbled over your words and your stomach jumped into your throat. You nearly tripped over your own feet and quickly hurried to your office and away from him, slamming the door behind you and shaking yourself like a dog.

Who the fuck was that?

A deep dive told you what you needed to know and you decided that day you would stay as far away from him as you could.

Which turned out to not be very far at all.

He was everywhere. Brushing against you as he moved past, making it a point to sit next to you whenever he could, or completely invading your personal space on the regular. You came home each day exhausted and in need of a cold shower. It felt like an uphill battle to avoid him, and you were actually glad when they were gone on road trips because it meant you had a few days of peace now and again.

Today was one of those rare peaceful days. Practice had ended some hours ago, you were the only one really in the arena at all, and you were humming along to yourself while you did some paperwork when a knock sounded on your door.

“Come in.” You called, assuming it was the mailman or someone dropping something off but when you heard the door open and close and no voice announcing themselves you looked up and to your horror you found Arber standing inside your office.

Your pen slipped from your hand, hit the desk and you felt your whole body get hot.

“Can I-what-can I help you?” You asked clearing your throat nervously. You felt a little sweaty and hot and took a deep breath to cool down.

“I think so. Do you dislike me or something?”

“No-“

“Or do you like me too much and that’s why you run every time I come near you.”

You stumbled over your words as he took a step forward, reaching back to pull the door completely shut behind him, a small click to signify that it locked from the outside.

You were both nervous, scared and excited as he made his way slowly forward until he was close enough that you stood from your chair. You stood staring at him and then cleared your throat “So did you need help with something then?”

“Do you?” He looked you up and down “Need help with something?”

“Me? What do you mean?”

“You seem nervous.”

“Nervous?” You chuckled a little and started moving things around with shaking hands “Why would I be nervous?”

“You tell me.” He smiled and blocked your path as you went to move around him. You stopped and looked up at him realizing how gigantic he actually was now that you were that close to him. You swallowed thickly and took a deep breath as you watched one giant hand reach up to brush a strand of hair from your cheek and tuck it behind your ear. He moved it down the side of your neck, long fingers moving across your collarbone, and pushing your hair completely over your shoulder.

“Arber.” You whispered. The air in your office seemed to freeze completely and you gave a little shiver despite the heat that you felt in your face. If someone had struck a match, the room would have exploded.

“Hmmmmm?” He was still staring at you unblinking, hand burning your skin as it rested by the base of your throat “Do you want me to stop?”

You shook your head and titled your chin up a little letting out a breath as he moved in agonizingly slow.

Kissing Arber was everything you had dreamed it would be, but also got out of hand pretty quickly. It had been very sweet and slow, but at this point the tension that had been building for months took it in a different direction. He pulled away and came in at a different angle, backing you up against your desk, hands resting on either side of your waist. After a few moments he reached a hand out and swept everything off your desk in one swift motion, before picking you up with a squeal and sitting you on it, coming to stand between your legs.

You couldn’t believe you were doing this, even as you reached down to pull on the bottom of his shirt as he threaded his hands through your hair. You pulled him closer by the waistband of his gym shorts as he pushed your skirt up around your hips glancing down before stopping completely.

“Take these off.” He said breathily pulling at your stockings. Before you could though you hear a soft rip and looked down to find that he had torn them to reveal a pair of black lacy underwear.

“Arber!” You whisper scolded glancing down as he pushed you skirt completely up and then gripped you by the waist, pulling you forward and then leaning you back, pushing his own shorts down. You breathed deep, eyes focusing on the ceiling for a second as you prepared yourself for what would probably end up being the worst thing you’d ever do. You would surely lose your job for this, but you just didn’t care.

You gasped as he pushed inside you, one leg propped up on your chair, the other leg being held up by him as he pulled out and pushed in again. The desk was acutely uncomfortable as you arched up off it, but the slow drag of friction as he found a rhythm to his pushes was just too enthralling to make you think about that. You hit your lip eyes closing until you felt his hand wrap around your throat and you opened them to find him looking at you. He gave your neck a small squeeze, and then a harder one, hitching your leg up higher.

“Arber I-“

“Shhhhhh.” He shook his head and let his hand drift down your chest, fingers splayed across it before he moved it under your neck and pulled you up to kiss him. You could barely stand it. The sensation of him kissing you, gripping your neck, and continuing to move in and out of you was too much. Your head fell forward and your body began to shake, heat pooling in your stomach as the ache in between your legs increased.

You came with a small scream and a gasp as he did too, and you sat there for a minute, forehead resting against his shoulder.

What had you done?

“You okay?” He asked quietly from above you, almost like he sensed your inner turmoil. You looked up and shook your head.

“I’m going to get fired.”

“Nah. I’m not going to tell anyone. Our secrets safe with me.” He winked and pulled out of you, pulling his gun shorts back up and helping you off the desk so you could fix your skirt. He was quiet a minute before he spoke.

“I promise I won’t tell anyone really. But also…what are you doing later?”

You laughed then, smile stretching across your face and tucked a strand of hair behind your ear “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“I would. Why don’t you come over so I can find out.”

“Mmmmmm maybe. Guess you’ll have to wait and see.” You said smiling cheekily at him. He smiled back and leaned forward pausing as he came level with your face and let his nose brush yours as he gave you a very chaste kiss and backed away from your desk, sending you one last smile as he left your office, leaving you in there with messy hair and ripped tights. This would never end well. You’d been strictly forbidden to fool around with any players and your job was important, but so was the idea of being in his bed later. You waged a war in your brain finally coming to a decision. You leaned back in your chair and crossed your arms.

You needed a new job.

[sqwilliam]

Four Out Of Five:

A Basis for Self Discovery

Okay so on twt people were talking about the line “hockey cokey with the opposite sex/the things you try to forget” and why it represents queer themes thus it sent me down a rabbit hole where I took a look at the song (and touches of others from the album) as a whole through this lense and I was told to share it here lol so below is my analysis of the songs queer coding I came up withon the fly.

The information action ratio is a term from the book Amusing Ourselves to Death (which TBHC is written around). It is this idea that information and action are in a ratio setting, it’s the parallel between what you’re being told via information verses your actions that contradict the information. Putting into the context to the song its this idea that the information being told isn’t factual to the actions that alex has experienced which is contradicting the information being told (information and social media = misleading)

In the song he talks a lot about clubs/going to clubs/ the “hokey cokey with the opposite sex the things you try and forget” these analogy’s of trying to forget ones queerness etc. the information action ratio is recalling information he has seen and heard online about gay culture, people, homophobia being the charge of it all verse him going to these clubs/gay club which we ALL know he has been to many times and being more involved in that culture and realising the ACTION of being apart of that is different to what he has learned and been told (the information).

The line “four stars out of five that’s unheard of” is this idea that the media’s outlet is now changing, four out of five for anything related to this topic is really unheard of as lgbtq+ is only now becoming more accepted in the media, getting four stars out of five in a context like this is rare.

“it’s all getting gentrified cute new places keep on popping up” its this idea that the media is blasting these places and things that were supposed to be safe spaces because you know “take it easy for a little while come and stay with us” and in this case tranquillity base is supposed to be one of these safe places.

You could even take “Mr bridge and tunnel on the starlight express” as an analogy for queerness, in Mr bridge and tunnel is a phrase used towards new Yorkers as they tend to walk everywhere compared to other cities in America which are car oriented. Associated with tunnels and bridges in this phrase you think of more gangster looking men, masculine men dangerous hanging out in tunnels/ under bridges, (Mr bridge and tunnel) and this idea that they’re going on the starlight express is contradictory to the INFORMATION that you have been told about these people. They are travelling to find themselves on the starlight express, it’s a juxtaposition between these masculine gruff men travelling via the starlight express to go to a place that is a tranquil base for them, they’re going from what the information that has been stated to the ACTION that is going and expressing themselves.

It goes from talking about the information action ratio being something you can rely on to being a place you used to go (“the information action ratio is the place to go!”, this idea that “Alex” is a guy who used to go to the media outlet to get information and then learns his actions have a better more face value and realistic outlook on what the world is really like rather than what the media says its like.

The media associates queer people with horrible events as well “you could meet someone you like during a meteor strike its THAT easy.” The information the media persues is this horrible sort of like “if you do this, look at the consequences” the start of the song he projects it in that way making this seem like a bad thing and by the end of the song its twisted that way to be like “you shouldn’t rely on the information you should rely on the action of the ratio” you should be action based not information based. The whole lunar expressed and the taqueria at the start is seen as a negative but by the end its seen as a positive, hes flipping the information from a negative to a positive through his action.

When looking at the music video there are two different versions of “Alex” in them, theres bearded alex (him), and clean cut Bronx new York style look dressed stereotype “alex,”(mark) like with mr bridge and tunnel theres two versions the real alex and the stereotype alex which is the information AND the action, the two versions of him have physically made himself the information action ratio. Theres mark and theres alex, hes the personification of the information action ratio, the INFORMATION = clean shaven clean cut new yorker stereotype Mark, versus ACTION = beard alex (surrounded by information but doesn’t believe in it)

This has personified the information action ratio through versions of himself throughout his life, Mark, which resembles 2014 self, taken two legitimate versions of himself one that listens to the information and one that listens to the action.

“the old grey whistle test” is a phrase used in the early forms of pressing records/vinyl, a thing used in new York in record studios where they would bring older men in suits in to deem if music was successful or not. If these old men were whistling the tune after they left it was deemed a success. In the context of the song they are putting the reliance of success and what is good, moral and correct in the hands of old white males.

It was also a tv show in the 80s where artists would come on and perform music, but they didn’t have the technology to broadcast the live footage of the actual artists playing o they would have people edit footage over the top of it to portray a certain feeling and mood over the top of songs that weren’t really played, they would edit the songs in a way to be what they wanted, the songs are edited to be completely different so that it would fit the media and people’s ideas of what it should be on TV. (This is something Alex has faced during AM, editing of the truth and/or the music to fit American television). They brought this show back for an anniversary special in 2018 (when TBHC was written and released). The show was literally a placed used for artists that didn’t chart for them to get seen, but they were seen in a way that wasn’t how the artists wanted, losing integrity and the original vision.

Putting that into a context with Alex, when they broke through in America they were portrayed in a different way than he always had been in the UK, everything was different in the peak of his career which made him into the version of what the media and producers wanted rather than he wanted and intended with the album. This lyric is him projecting where he had been seen through the old grey whistle test which turned him and the album into something it never intended to be, which he then conformed to, pushing this persona forced upon him, but then going back to himself after realising the ACTION is better than the INFORMATION.

AM = Information, TBHC is the action. He’s saying he’s no longer the information of what people expect and being the action of what he wants to be. These albums are the information action ratio, which is also seen through the album sales where TBHC tanks as the information always overtakes the action in the ratio, there is always more information than action.

If you look at the song Tranquillity Base, this is the action whilst four out of five is the information. The song is so different from what 4/5 was, it’s more open and expressive than five out of five which is more melancholic, it talks about people getting dressed up in colourful clothing and jesus is in a day spa it’s a completely different vibe, in the track list TBHC comes BEFORE four out of five, in alexs mind the action overtakes the information, so in alexs mind in his life NOW the action is OVERTAKING the information which had not happened previously. He is now believing the action over the information.

He literally says in the song that he “ponders all of the questions” hes pondering the information being told in the media yada yada yada, they all interconnect and hes heavily said that the album as a whole needs to be analysed TOGETHER as a whole, its this idea that he is slowly morphing himself into believing and taking his actions and life as a whole to create his own view on information rather believing all information that’s given to him from a third party and adhering to what they expect.

“Tranquility base mark speaking may I take your call,” it comes into place right after talking about how he’s questioning things, hes beginning to question what hes being told only for the mark character to enter making himself known saying “let me direct your call to where *I* want it to be” the information part still taking over which he is now fighting against.

He says that he “spent a whole generation trying to figure things out” and immediately Mark comes back again to DIRECT the call away from that line of thinking, each time alex goes to realise that the actions should be over the information mark enters to redirect that line of thinking. He is fighting off himself in a sense. The idea that “technological advances getting him in the mood” is both good and bad, It’s opened his eyes to things he previously wouldn’t have considered but also made him REGRESS his ideas as well.

He goes in to talk about “pull me in on a crisp eve” going more into this hot and heavy intimate section of this song only to then be INTERRUPTED by Mark again, redirecting this call. He’s opening himself up to a more realistic view of what he wants only to be snapped back again by media outlets and internalized hatred for things, he’s trying to get past it but still fighting with what is publicly known to be wrong

The entire album as a whole, again he wants you to collectively analyse it as a whole which hes said. If you look at TBHC (album) as a whole it starts information heavy with Star Treatment and being given the star treatment by conforming to the media and what they want him to be and how he is now this person he is not only to then be more contemplative of his existence (Batphone, The Ultracheese) is a complete contrast in information from star treatment versus ultracheese… its this idea that hes searching for himself and trying to outbalance the information action ratio within himself, hes found himself and lost a lot on the way.

If you go One Point Perspective it’s this idea that everyone’s looking at him and has an idea of what he should be, and then u go into Science Fiction where he says in the opening line that “religious iconography gives him the creeps” its opened his eyes and this religious outlet of how things are dominated in the media from religion scares him in a sense and then you get into She Looks Like Fun, this internalized him of that he has this nagging voice in the background telling him to do things as hes living his life, theres still this nagging voice telling him to fall back into line and conform to what people expect of him.

Monster truck front flip as well, “you push the button we’ll do the rest” = you make the music, we’ll (the media) present it into the world in the version that we want to show to make you successful. He says lines of how theres “things I cant explain and hope I never have to” because of how things are he cant express the way he wants to be due to the overseeing force (the media) controlling him in a way.

“I’ve got a laser guiding my love that I can not unjust” in the sense that someone is controlling him, unable to express his love as hes got a target on his back (higher ups), he loved making these albums but the vision wasn’t a heared to and he was forced into performing these characters for the media.

“Do you celebrate your dark side then wish you never left the house” is also him expressing himself and then regretting it.

This is the craziest one yet but Alex likes to be detailed with album organization so this was likely also intentional, there’s 11 tracks on the album, a number often associated with trusting your intuition, embarking on a new path and a new way of living and trusting your own guidance, seeking a divine path within yourself. This is the biggest stretch but it’s a funny thing to add

Please don’t take this as me trying to say “aha Alex was clearly speaking about this” I just found it interesting how you can interpret it’s themes in this way that coherently tell a story that many LGBT people can relate to.

[mademoiselle-red]

Some subtly romantic and erotic moments from “the moon is brighter tonight” scene in the novel:

(with screenshots + my summaries and rough translations)

Lianhua and Di Feisheng sneak into Jiao Liqiao’s bedroom, which contains a hot tub and bookshelves. Lianhua throws (yes, the verb used here is “throw/toss”) Di Feisheng into the hot tub and then jumps in with him. He washes himself off, and then goes over to the bookshelf to look through her documents.

Di Feisheng continues to relax in the hot tub and listens to the sound of Lianhua rummaging through the scrolls behind him. Although he can’t see him, Di Feisheng knows his every move from sound alone. The warmth of the hot tub suddenly triggers in him a distant memory: that of Xiangyi playing a game of chess with a top courtesan in a famous brothel in Yangzhou city. He vaguely remembers that the loser of every match had to compose one verse. Xiangyi lost 36 matches against the courtesan and thus used her lipstick as ink to compose a 36-verse poem called “a destined marriage tied in eternity” (note that the final scene in the novel ends with Di Feisheng losing his 136th game of chess to Lianhua 👀; also, why does the warmth of the hot tub and the sound of Lianhua rummaging through scrolls trigger Ah Fei’s memory of watching Xiangyi play a flirtatious game with a prostitute??? Isn’t he supposed to be disinterested in everything outside martial arts???)

In the present moment, Lianhua yawns and asks Di Feisheng if he is hungry. Di Feisheng ignores the question and asks him if he still holds a sword nowadays. Lianhua replies hazily (the word use here is 朦胧, which means hazy, but it has some romantic/suggestive connotations in Chinese that hazy does not fully convey): “don’t you know that when someone asks you if you are hungry, they are actually trying to say ‘I am hungry, do you want to eat together?’” He then takes out some dishes he stole from the kitchen and asks again, with a faint smile, “are you hungry?” (Note: Lianhua is a flirt! ❤️)

Di Feisheng does feel hungry.

He leaps out of the hot tub and sits cross-legged next to Lianhua, splashing water everywhere in the process. Lianhua hurriedly moves the dishes out of the way so they don’t get wet. He says to Di Feisheng: “you’re too clumsy and wild…”

The two of them sit facing each other, drinking wine. The light has dimmed outside, the moon has risen above the mountains, casting a snow white glow into the room.

“Today…”

“That year…”

The two of them spoke at the same time and stopped. Di Feisheng’s face softens and smiles: “What about today?”

Lianhua replies, “After today, what do you plan on doing?”

Di Feisheng continues to drink wine, smiles again, and says, “killing you.”

Lianhua smiles bitterly, unconsciously takes another sip of wine, and asks, “what about that year?”

“That year…” Di Feisheng paused a bit, “the moon was not as bright as today.”

Lianhua begins to laugh, raised his wine cup to the moon, and said, “that year…the moon that year was just as bright as today.”

And then Lianhua proceeds to ask Di Feisheng if he wants to marry a wife after this. Di Feisheng asks him why he’d want a wife and Lianhua replies that every man should have a wife. Di Feisheng then asks Lianhua , “what about you?” Lianhua says “my wife ran off with someone else”, and then starts to ramble about how happy he is that Wanmian got married and found happiness, and then Di Feisheng says, “it’s just a woman.”

Lianhua starts looking through Jiao Liqiao’s letters but seems to struggle. Di Feisheng asks him “what are you doing?”

Lianhua replies “I just want to read what’s in the letter.”

Di Feisheng looks at his eyes and asks: “you can’t see? What happened to your eyes?”

Lianhua explains how his sight is failing, and mutters, “sometimes I can’t see your face clearly either, it floats around, sometimes it is there sometimes it isn’t, so you don’t need to worry about…the fact that you are not wearing clothes….in front of me”

Di Feisheng cuts him off mid-sentence and starts reading the letters out loud for him. (Note: without Lianhua asking! 😍)