#thoughts on vegaspete specifically so far

[least-carpet]

Blorbo acquisition in progress

Me: rotating ningcheng as an exploration of personhood + dehumanization + desire. Rotating ningcheng as forced intimacy (unwilling, derogatory, liberating?). Rotating ningcheng to see a repressed little nice guy go absolutely apeshit and a mean nasty bitch cry and be vulnerable.

Also me: perceives vegaspete from Kinnporsche.

It would be good if I was more interested in the main pairing for this TV show (I don't think I like Kinn very much so far?) but I am mainlining it now. Spam imminent, please hold.

[waitmyturtles]

Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: The Eclipse OGMMTVC Rewatch to Reexamine "Genre BLs," Along With a Critical Take on Branded Ships

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, I take a look at my very first GMMTV series that I ever watched, The Eclipse, to examine its prowess as a "genre" BL, and to take a critical stab at the branded ship model vis à vis a successful narrative.]

HELLO. Due to BIG SUMMER LIFE (!!!) (WOW -- work trips, work changes, new projects, the regular family stuff, so much travel!), I've been a couple months delayed on getting some words down on my recent rewatch of The Eclipse for my Old GMMTV Challenge project, but I'm glad to take some time now to talk about this show.

I'm at a point in the project where my syllabus (pasted at the bottom of this post) will take me into the territory of many shows that I've already watched since starting my Thai BL journey in the fall of 2022, shows that I watched while they were airing, such as Moonlight Chicken, Bed Friend, Be My Favorite, and others. (I will be offering short, non-rewatch notes on some of these shows as I go along in the chronology.) The Eclipse is one of these.

I wanted to specifically give The Eclipse a full rewatch for a couple of reasons, the biggest one being very personal, in that The Eclipse was my very first ever-EVER GMMTV series (!!!). And, the only Thai BL I had watched, in the late summer and fall of 2022, prior to The Eclipse was KinnPorsche.

So! At the time of my watching The Eclipse in 2022, I had nooooo idea who First Kanaphan or Khaotung Thanawat were; I didn't know about the existence of branded ships in Thai BLs yet; I didn't know about the prevalence and regularity of side couples in Thai BLs, as VegasPete had been my first exposure to that; I didn't effing know about the fabulousity that is Neo Trai, none of it.

I simply just watched the show on the recommendation of a dear mutual. And, fuck, man, I totally had expected WAY more salacious material in The Eclipse coming off of KinnPorsche! At first, I was like, Thailand is WILDIN', and then it was just the GMMTV-PG FirstKhao smooches, which was fine, they were great, ha! I wasn't disappointed, but lmao, that was my mindset and understanding of my very brief introduction to Thai BLs at that very moment -- I thought it was all guns and butts and mafiosos and pool sex.

Besides rewatching The Eclipse with my now-very-experienced Thai BL glasses on to fix ALL of those past assumptions, I also wanted to rewatch the show in the understanding that filmmaker and former politician, Golf Tanwarin (the first transgender member of parliament in Thailand's House of Representatives) was addressing homophobia and leveraging their screenplay to talk about themes of stifling conformation in Thai society vis à vis the fictional environment of the Suppalo boys school. I want to demarcate this moment as an important one: at this point of my syllabus, the late summer and fall of 2022, the Thai BL landscape exists still mostly within the no-homophobia bubble, with only a handful of shows (He's Coming To Me, Secret Crush On You, etc.) stepping out of that bubble to grab the theme of homophobia and really wrangle with it frontally by way of familial and social acceptance.

However, I have to admit something as I write this review. During this recent rewatch, I had the benefit not just of my past historical chronological viewing of old shows behind me to judge The Eclipse's success as a show and as a messenger of deeper themes past straightforward romance; but I also had the benefit of foresight into the future, seeing how First and Khao served as a branded couple again in Only Friends, a series that, I believe, flopped in its narrative end due to the show prioritizing happy endings for its branded couples, rather than taking the time and the risks to break the branded ships up (or, at least, rock their foundations) to offer sophisticated social commentary on casual sex, as the initial marketing for Only Friends had initially promised.

In other words, I had critical glasses on for FirstKhao's performance, not necessarily for the actors themselves (well, kinda, lemme be for real), but I also wanted to understand better how The Eclipse centered THEM as an IT, a tangible IT, the branded ship, either against and/or vis à vis Golf's underlying critical messaging on social conformity and homophobia.

Unfortunately, through that critical lens, what I gained out of this rewatch of The Eclipse is a confirmed judgement that the common Thai BL structure of very much CENTERING a branded ship, especially emanating out of GMMTV, the central home for branded ships in Thailand, will almost CERTAINLY render a show attempting to make higher messages a weaker one in the end.

I found myself FULLY enjoying The Eclipse out of the FirstKhao sequences. When I first watched The Eclipse in 2022, I was a Thua hater, and I engaged for the very first time with @respectthepetty and others on subsequent defenses of Thua's outing of Akk and Ayan in the context of Akk and Ayan acting like loose-cannon-dillholes themselves. (This was a fabulous intro to my engaging with others on Tumblr, by the way, and I remember this discourse fondly!)

This time around, with the blessing of hindsight, I fully appreciated Louis Thanawin's FANTASTIC performance at the end of the series, as an overly frustrated and overwhelmed student wrangling with his sexuality, his attraction to Kan, and watching Kan's own struggles with his own sexuality, along with dealing with an overbearing stepfather -- and all of that happening while he was watching the hypocrisy of Akk slowly warming to Ayan, while Akk simultaneously punished The World Remembers gang. Louis, as Thua, fucking nailed it, and was an utter cutie at the end with Kan (including in Our Skyy 2, swoon). And forget about Neo Trai: Neo as Kan was one of the best performances I've seen of Neo's, as a student struggling literally to the second to manage his outward displays of automatic attraction to Thua for the sake of maintaining a façade of "order" for the Suppalo environment.

How does all of this impact my thoughts on FirstKhao as a branded ship, and AkkAyan as a fictional couple in The Eclipse?

There was so much great commentary on mental health, on social pressures and conformity, and on the reliance of history to contextualize and engage in suppression, in this show. The show hit hard and impactfully on these themes. As I just mentioned, the story of Thua was a welcome inclusion of the various ways in which homophobia impacted the Suppalo environment on micro- and macro-levels. The story of Dika is also gutting, and I appreciated The Eclipse for never turning an eye away from Ayan's continued suffering at losing his uncle so traumatically. (I also understand that there was quite a lot of conservative protest against The Eclipse in Thailand, and that the show being shortened by two episodes may have been related to this, along with the show airing during ongoing student protests.)

Unfortunately, I believe The Eclipse tripped on itself when it stepped away from these themes to move to more lighthearted moments with AkkAyan. I think the centering of this ship led to a number of key unfulfilled narrative moments, including a key factual skip later in the series, when Ayan indicates to Akk that Akk had made a promise to reveal his work against The World Remembers, a promise that did not have prior reference in earlier episodes.

This isn't to say that a budding couple can't have sweet moments. And we saw a tremendous amount of trauma coming from both Akk and Ayan, with Ayan's ongoing anger at Suppalo, and Akk's fear of rejection for his and his family's financial state, leading him to embody Suppalo's culture of suppression for the sake of his own survival at the school. These very-deeply messed-up fictional boys absolutely deserved and needed love.

But I found myself taking the most notes on this show when I felt the tones of previous scenes of protest, trauma, or attack were juxtaposed against getting Akk and Ayan together for a subsequent scene, especially later in the series, when their flirtation continued to grow. I felt this particularly during the outdoor Twitter scene in the bleachers, when Akk and Ayan were using tweets as a means of finding out who was running the counterprotest Twitter account, which was placed right after a particularly brutal attack against The World Remembers. I needed to flip my emotional attention back to a practiced GMMTV routine of watching a ship continue to warm up to each other for memorable and meme-able moments, and I found that juxtaposition jarring.

As opposed to Not Me, GMMTV's first "genre" BL that played with a sandbox outside of romance, The Eclipse was on steadier feet. While Not Me really tried to play around de-centering a shipped pair in OffGun, it truly stumbled in rushing back to inject romance throughout the storyline, particularly with DanYok taking up unexpected and discordant room (ACAB, YOK). And outside of GMMTV, we've seen many "genre" BLs actually work really well, most notably to that point in 2022, the crime-driven Manner of Death (MaxTul, my beloved), which balanced a developing romance with a legitimately interesting and unwinding mystery, all with a sharp and solid screenplay that didn't stray from its intended purpose. (Maybe I'm getting my hopes up too soon, but we're seeing "genre" BL doing well right now with 4 Minutes, and GMMTV has another, riskier, "genre" BL coming up in its crime-driven series, Kidnap.)

GMMTV, however, demands something economically from its shows, a sellable final product that can be transmogrified into fan meetings, branded items, and most of all, enduring and memorable legacies for the branded ships that center most of its BLs. At the time of The Eclipse's airing, both First and Khao had been previously paired with others (First with Gawin Caskey in Not Me; Khao with Podd Suphakorn in Tonhon Chonlotee), and the sao wais had been eagerly awaiting the debut of FirstKhao, and were fed nicely.

I can't say, quantifiably, if the majority of the global Thai BL fandom, or even the majority of the GMMTV fandom, are sao wais who only watch GMMTV shows for branded ships and guaranteed happy endings between shipped actors that only partner with the same person over and over again. I also believe that at this moment in time (in 2024), that we may be seeing differences in preferences emanating from fandoms based in Thailand, China, elsewhere in Asia, and globally, particularly in Europe and North and South America, between fans that will willingly support branded ships through very bad narrative shows, versus fans that prefer well-scripted shows above all else.

I think, after the economic earthquake that was the airing of 2gether in 2020, that GMMTV made a hard-turn decision to prioritize series that centered repeating branded ships above all other kinds of investment in other shows, including excellent screenplays.

I say this not to bemoan the opportunity for Thai filmmakers to have economic success. If these shows are making coin for Thai creatives -- maybe even the kind of coin that will allow these creatives to have more artistic freedom in their futures -- then I cannot begrudge that at all, and I wish these artists economic success.

But from a critical viewpoint of artistically narrative success, I'd argue that the last truly great narrative show of GMMTV's portfolio is 2021-22's Bad Buddy, featuring a branded ship in OhmNanon that I'm sure the network wanted to use again, one that both Nanon Korapat and Ohm Pawat knew they didn't want to repeat. Since then, while we've had a small amount of storytelling gems out of GMMTV like Moonlight Chicken, Cherry Magic Thailand, and Cooking Crush, most of what's come out of that studio has been mediocre for the past few years, with some aching stumbles having been had in shows like 23.5, Wandee Goodday, and My Love Mix-Up Thailand, which is airing now.

A major complaint across social media right now about My Love Mix-Up Thailand, centering Gemini Norawit and Fourth Nattawat, is that the show rushes to create meme-able moments between them, which is more in line with GMMTV's bottom line of engagement first. My Love Mix-Up/Kieta Hatsukoi is an utterly beloved Japanese manga and dorama. While G4 fans are drumming up the level of social media engagement that GMMTV judges "success" on, many other general BL fans have been left disappointed by the show's pulling back from honoring certain moments of hilarity and connection with the original Japanese source material (how could Fourth NOT go into the trash can?!).

I posit that it was 2gether's 2020 airing that encouraged GMMTV to make the pivot from investing in well-crafted screenplays, and taking risks to split ships up -- as the network did with Tay Tawan in 2019's 3 Will Be Free -- to center the branded ships.

And I think 2022's The Eclipse is an excellent example of the result of this decision-making: that while The Eclipse's core ideas within its screenplay were admirable, and much of the acting and romance outside of the branded ship were great to watch, that the show's needing to leave the central path of the narrative central story to spotlight the FirstKhao ship to create engagement-worthy moments ultimately took power away from the show and its message.

Only Friends -- a late-2023 show that initially marketed itself on breaking up ships and celebrating casual sex -- came back around in the end to scold any of us fans that wanted to see the ships sink. The dynamic between First and Khao in Only Friends was incredibly similar to their dynamic in The Eclipse: First acting as a tough-guy character who couldn't help being simp-ly swept away by an overpowering character played by Khao. I'm afraid the same will be repeated again in Jojo Tichakorn's next show, The Heart Killers, and I'd like to be proven wrong there, but.

It's incredible for me to reflect on what I know now about The Eclipse, and how this otherwise-excellent show was, in my eyes, economically impacted by the casting decision to prioritize a branded ship over the narrative cohesiveness of a screenplay. GMMTV has only committed even more to this path since The Eclipse's airing.

For the sake of excellent actors like First, and especially Khao: I hope they can have the future opportunity to spread their wings and act with other actors (as the very extreme majority of actors in entertainment get to enjoy), to shake off the economic prioritizing of branded ships in order to access better screenplays and stories. They deserve it, as hard-working creatives, and I'll certainly support them outside of the branded ship model, one that I believe is showing artistic wear and tear as more branded ship shows keep narratively sinking.

[Alright! So, where am I on the OGMMTV list? I've actually already finished the next show on my list, GAP The Series, this summer, and I hope I can pen that review in short order to get this series back on some kind of timely track.

HOWEVER, HEH HEH, that's actually going to be a bit difficult for me as, per the recommendation of a couple of BL elders, I am backtracking chronologically and tackling 2022's The Miracle of Teddy Bear, Thailand's first queer primetime, broadcast channel-level lakorn, which consists of 16 90-minute episodes, which, woof. Despite its hefty length, I am terribly excited to watch a show (a lakorn, EEEE!) out of the usual Thai BL bubble, one that I understand has been potentially misunderstood and/or mis-marketed to BL fandoms over the years. For the sake of its primetime airing alone, it holds an important place on the OGMMTVC syllabus. And I can't wait to take a crack at a Thai major channel's first attempt to make queer content and BL-genre-influenced content a primetime offering.

This means that, once again, My School President has been held at a delay, but I will get to MSP soon, I SWEAR! (And....oops. I'm thiiiiiinking that I might watch My Love Mix-Up after MSP at literal warp speed, literally 1.5x, to do another piece on branded ships vis à vis G4 and Au Kornprom in 2022 vs. 2024. We'll see. I may not wanna do that to myself, but... but! For science?!?! Maybe.)

Here's the updated OGMMTVC syllabus for your perusal. ONWARDS!

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) (and notes on my UWMA rewatch here)

21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (review here) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (re-review here) 27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review here) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review here) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review here) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) (review here)

31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) (review here) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch (Links to the BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series are here: preamble here, part 1, part 2, part 3a, part 3b, and part 4) 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) (review here) 35) The Miracle of Teddy Bear (2022) (watching) 36) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here)  37) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For the Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist (part 1 and part 2) 38) Honorable Mention: War of Y (2022) (for the sake of an attempt to provide meta BL commentary within a BL in the modern BL era), with a complementary watch of Aam Anusorn’s documentary, BL: Broken Fantasy (2020) (thoughts here) 39) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 40) The Eclipse OGMMTVC Rewatch to Reexamine "Genre BLs," Along With a Critical Take on Branded Ships

41) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) (review coming) 42) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 43) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 44) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) 45) La Pluie (2023) (review coming) 46) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) (I’m including this for BMF’s sophisticated commentary on Krist’s career past as a BL icon) 47) Wedding Plan (2023) (Recommended as an important trajectory in the course of MAME’s work and influence from TharnType) 48) Only Friends (2023) (tag here) (not technically a BL, but it certainly became one in the end) 49) Last Twilight (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as Thailand’s first major BL to center disability, successfully or otherwise) 50) Cherry Magic Thailand (2023-24) (tag here) (on the list as the first major Japanese-to-Thai drama adaptation, featuring the comeback of TayNew)

51) Ossan’s Love Returns (2024) (adding for the EarthMix cameo and the eventual Thai remake) 52) Dead Friend Forever (2024) (thoughts here) 53) 23.5 (2024) (GMMTV’s first GL) (thoughts here)]

[yujeong]

For a fic prompt, I’d love to read something about Pete being sick or hurt and needing care that isn’t related to aftercare post-sex. I’ve found a fair few fics centered on Vegas dealing with being sick and cared for (and Pete basically bullying Vegas into letting him care for Vegas), but haven’t found nearly as many focused on Pete in a non-sexual context. I think that would be interesting and lends itself to your style of writing (at least from what I’ve read of your writing, which is just the VegasPete posted on AO3). I love your work, btw! Thanks for being a fandom author-y’all never get enough credit ❤️

Hello, my dear anon! Thank you so, so much for your kind words and your gorgeous prompt ❤️ Generally, Vegas taking care of Pete is one of my favorite concepts. We got crumbs in the show, crumbs, and I desperately need more of that. Thank you for giving me the incentive to do it myself, though I have dipped my toes into it a little bit before with the things you can(not) change, which had Vegas taking care of Pete emotionally. Btw, I'm very sorry for being late in replying to this, but I had a bit of trouble coming up with an idea for it until I got hit with some very specific feels, and now here I am, with 5 whole ass pages of words that made me decide to turn this concept into a proper fic. Looking forward to posting it in 2025 lmao. Here's a part of it: ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Pete woke up laying on his bed, with no recollection of how he got there. The last thing he remembered was going to the kitchen for some water and the noise coming out of Macau's room. It was probably because of that new game he bought last week that he wanted to play so much. His whining suggested he wasn't very good at it. Pete didn't know what happened after that. He was feeling disoriented, floaty. His head was throbbing. There was bile stuck at the back of his throat, which he couldn't swallow. His mouth was dry. His body was heavy, restricting his movements. He tried opening his eyes, but he got dizzy by the light coming in from outside. He closed them again. "Why didn't you tell me you were sick?" Fuck. When did Vegas come back? Where was Macau? Pete took in a shallow breath, trying to quiet down his heartbeat. He didn't open his eyes. Vegas sounded angry. He had to calm him down, somehow. "Vegas..." "Macau called me in a panic, because he found you unconscious in the kitchen. He thought you died. I did too, when I saw you."

Vegas was holding back tears, Pete could tell; there was a certain way his voice hitched when he spoke like that, vulnerability leaking from his tongue. He sounded small, too, like when he used to do comparisons that led him nowhere. Pete didn't like it when Vegas was talking like that. The fact that he reverted to that state because of him made it even worse. "I'm sorry." "Don't-" He didn't conclude what he was going to say. Pete could hear sniffing, but nothing else. Not looking at Vegas' face was killing him. He opened his eyes with extreme difficulty and found Vegas staring at him, with red smeared across the edges of his own eyes and sweat gathered on his forehead. He was too far away. He wasn't touching him. "Vegas," Pete said, lifting his arm in Vegas' direction, despite how much he couldn't. Vegas widened his eyes and dropped his gaze. He held back a sob. He didn't take Pete's hand. "You look the same as back then." Pete let his arm fall on the bed, stunned by Vegas' words. How could he be so stupid? He completely forgot. He didn't know why. Maybe because everything that had happened at the safehouse had always seemed like a weird dream to him, one that he never really woke up from. Pete didn't have any words of comfort to give. His stomach started acting funny. He hoped it wouldn't lead to vomiting. He hadn't done that since his adolescent days, which had been filled with boxing and violence. "It's not your fault I'm sick," was all he could offer in the end. "I should have been here, taking care of you-" "You had an important meeting with Porsche," Pete reminded him. "Fuck Porsche." He had thought about it once. How it would feel to have sex with Porsche. Pete imagined it'd be simple. Uncomplicated. Fun, even. Now, it sounded painful, more so than all the things Vegas did to him. Perhaps Vegas was right getting concerned about Pete's health after all. He felt a hand touching his forehead. It was cold and sweaty. Pete wished it could get glued there. "Shit, your fever is high. Have you eaten anything?" "No." He felt Vegas suck in a breath, before he heard it. "I'm cooking you something to eat." He tried to get up, but Pete caught him before he could escape. A low, whining sound scratched his sore throat. "Sleep with me. You look tired." "Pete," Vegas warned. "You're burning up and you need to eat." "Just for a little while. It'll help." Vegas sighed. The sound came out unsteady. His bottom lip quivered, or Pete thought it did. His vision was too blurry to be sure. "Fine, but you're taking something for the fever first." Pete smiled tiredly at him. He didn't thank him. He would hate that.

[lonely-tea-drinker]

“Kh—what can I get for you, sir?” Pete tried for ignorance, ignoring his heart hammering in his chest as he rounded the counter. What was Vegas doing here? He was supposed to be in Chiang Mai on business, Kinn had specifically verified the man would be far away from Bangkok before placing Pete here undercover. Had their mission been discovered? Pete had been working there for just over three weeks now, gathering as much information as he could from the shop, which in reality was just a front for one of the minor family’s money laundering locations. But Vegas shouldn’t have been back from Chiang Mai for another week—had something gone wrong? “A black coffee, please.” Vegas’s smooth voice cut through Pete’s whirling thoughts. Pete put his best customer service smile on, hoping to any god listening that Vegas didn’t recognize him; after all, they hadn’t seen each other since the last time Vegas had visited the main family, which was almost two years ago. And Vegas always narrowed his eyes like that, no matter who he was talking to… right?

We're back lads! Featuring my attempt at a Vegaspete coffee shop AU, where they both get to be giant nerds about science fiction! Written with love by someone who is also a nerd about science fiction.

I'd argue this could be canon compliant, if you imagine the mission taking place maybe a year or so before Porsche joins the family (until the ending of the fic but we'll pretend that bit doesn't exist for my own sanity).

Maybe this will stay a one shot, maybe it won't! Who knows! Will the rats on the treadmill in my brain finally form a cohesive plotline? It's more likely than you think!

If anyone has any thoughts whatsoever about this please let me know... I'd really love some fandom friends since I'm kind of writing into the void at the moment!

[29daffodils]

@luveverlong's KinnPorsche Triggers (and if they were results of the vegaspete madness)

hello OP! apologies for hijacking your post, but your reblog made me giddy and i didn't want to bombard your post with vegaspete in case they are not your thing!

**

okay, so @luveverlong made this post which i reblogged and then i started wondering how many triggers actually were there, and thought i'd count and classify which i feel were results of vegaspete madness 😅 here we go.

DISCLAIMER : i probably got some of them wrong, because i keep forgetting certain things happened (like, ken losing his head) . don't take this too seriously!

total triggers (so far) : 57

vegaspete contribution : 30

%age contribution : 52.6%

conclusion : so i was wrong, it's not 90% but it's more than 50% which is saying SOMETHING lmao

abuse >> gun and korn

alcohol use >> pretty much all the theerapanyakul cousins (except tankhun, maybe?)

animal death >> vegaspete + khun spikes 🥹

ass eating >> definitely vegaspete (and he did it with such enthusiasm too!!

assassination >> who??

attempted assassination >> definitely on kinn

attempted murder >> whose??

attempted underage drug use >> lmao porchay

attic wifery >> nampheung goes whoop!

blood >> vegaspete (first & foremost, but also everyone else since mafia)

bondage >> vegaspete (bcz kp are too damn vanilla lmao)

cheating >> who??? who's cheating??

child abuse >> vegaspete (my poor liddol meow-meow and my sweet summer child 🥹

choking >> vegaspete, sensually, but also kinnporsche literally

death >> vegas (i'll never forgive him for that, but also pete aiding in the undeath, hence, this is primarily vegaspete, i take no arguments

decapitation >> vegas (and pete watching from the distance)

edit : okay, it was ken. apologies for my bad english 🥲 (p.s. : i also did not count it under vegaspete in the original post! hence why vegas and pete are written separately, and not as the ship name!)

degradation >> vegaspete

dehumanization >> vegaspete

domestic violence >> technically also VP bcz their dads were shit, but let's count them out of this one because I'm not too sure

drugging >> oof, vegas (but not VP)

electrical torture >> vegaspete *evil laughter*

emotional blackmail >> vegaspete + granny saengtham lmao

flashing lights >> vegaspete (in their neon lit sex room)

force feeding >> vegaspete

gaslighting >> don't think this was VP, but let me know if i forgot a specific scene

gore >> vegaspete (iykyk)

guns >> okay, VP, but kinnporsche can have this one. that one spinning+shooting scene was epic.

gunshot wounds >> vegaspete wins this one. motherfucker survived 5 gunshots, and pete gave him one of them

hostage situations >> vegaspete go whoop!

illegal fighting >> lmao porsche

incest (???) >> definitely NOT VP (they are the only ones not involved in cousin fuckery and yet the most unhinged out of all of them)

kidnapping >> omg chay 🥲

manipulation >> vegaspete, via granny saengtham

munchausen by proxy >> i have no idea what this is, sorry

murder >> pretty much everyone lmao

mutilation >> vegas!!!

ownership >> vegaspete

panic attacks >> okay, I can't remember who got panic attacks, help out a fella here

petplay kink >> vegaspete

poisoning >> heh? somebody was poisoned??

prostitution (???) >> who??

scars >> vegaspete

self-harm >> vegaspete go whoop!

sex scenes >> vegaspete (but also kinnporsche) (but I'm biased and vegaspete were superior so……)

sexual assault / dubcon >> NOT VP 👀

sexual torture >> vegaspete (!!! 😳)

smoking >> pete alone can add up the points for this one lmao

stalking >> vegaspete lmao

stockholm syndrome >> vegaspete (but I'm rolling my eyes)

suicide >> who??

suicide attempt >> definitely only vegaspete

tasering >> vegaspete

theft >> vegaspete at its very core (iykyk)

torture >> vegaspete

vegas >> lmaoooo, he is a trigger warning by virtue, but accentuated by pete

verbal torture / abuse >> gun theerapanyakul 😤

vomit >> porsche 😂 (i think?)

[pastelwitchling]

Malex VegasPete au chapter one teaser.

Alex thought he’d gotten used to working as a bodyguard for the mafia... until a psychotic member of the family, Michael Guerin, joins their midst. Suddenly, Alex discovers a violence and something else in him that he’d never felt before.

trigger warnings: graphic violence, domestic violence, gore, self-harm.

***

               When he’d joined the Evans family’s secret service, Alex Manes had told himself that he was a retired Air Force captain. He was the best there was in getting people to do what he wanted them to. The Evans had asked for him specifically, and even when their business had turned out to be on the darker side, Alex had told himself that he’d never really been good anyway.

               He was clever, strong, and had always been willing to do what he needed to. He hadn’t used his heart in too long for it to start mattering now. That was simply fact, and over the years he’d found less and less reason to remind himself of it.

               The closer he got to the Evans, the more family he made, the more threats he saw, and the more willing he was to dispose of those threats.

               Like now. As he stood behind the bars of what Max Evans had long ago deemed, The Dungeon, watching a man that looked like he could’ve been a father strung up to a steel chair bolted into the ground. He was coated in blood, his clothes torn, and his shoes and nails removed. His voice was hoarse from screaming, and his tears mingled with the red down his face. Not that tears would save him now, not from the man across from him.

               “You gentlemen can wait outside,” Michael Guerin had told them at the start of this. Just as he’d done then, he wore a smile now that was far too entranced for a so-called sane man doing what he was doing. “Wouldn’t want to dirty your suits.”

               It had been a cheap insult, and Alex had known it. They’d tortured themselves, and he’d had blood on his hands long before the military ever took him in. But on the other hand, none of them ever tortured like Max and Isobel’s relative. None of them took such meticulous time with it. None of them enjoyed it.

               In a dimly lit cellar with nothing but a single bulb hanging over their heads and casting shadows along the walls, one bodyguard after the other slowly walked out. Michael stood in what could only be described as a raincoat, but the victim’s blood had already coated his collarbone, his chin, the tips of his curls.

               One by one, they all left. Unable to take the sight.

               All but Alex.

               He stood there with his arms crossed. He could feel a disturbance in him, a jolt of pain at every one of the man’s pathetic whimpers. Alex told himself there was no pity. The guy should’ve thought harder before he’d aligned himself with the drug cartel and made the Evans’ business dealings so much tougher.

               Still. Something in Alex poked and prodded every time, the sounds too close to the screams of the innocent in Afghanistan. Yet it wasn’t the victim Alex studied. It wasn’t him who Alex couldn’t take his eyes off of. It was Michael. The man who’d come in with a cowboy hat and a ridiculous belt two months ago, and while everyone else had scoffed at his appearance, sure that he couldn’t be the monster they needed, Alex had known there was something wrong about the look in his eyes. Something too hungry.

               “Pier 21,” the victim cried. More blood poured out of his gums where four permanent teeth had recently been. They now sat in a pool by Michael’s boots. “They’re meeting . . . at Pier 21.”

               Michael lazily turned to Alex, smirking. “There’s your answer, pretty boy.”

               And his gaze lingered on Alex’s. There, Alex thought. That. That was the most disturbing thing about Michael. The way he would rake every other guard’s body like they were potential playthings, but with Alex, he only ever held his eyes hostage.

               Alex looked away, freeing himself. He ran a weary hand through his hair. No one else ever shook him to his core the way Michael did. And Michael seemed to realize that power. His smile widened, but Alex was already heading for the door, gesturing to the two security standing guard there to get rid of the prisoner.

               “I’ll let Mr. Evans know,” was all he said as he walked away. He could feel Michael’s eyes on him until he closed the cellar door behind him. Then he stood there, his hand on the door handle, his knuckles white.

               He had no idea what was wrong with him. He never did when it came to Michael’s effects on him. But he pinched the bridge of his nose, worked his jaw, and took the long, carpeted corridor down to where he knew his boss, Max Evans, was waiting for a progress report.

[sapphicblight]

6 of cause and effect (please something i don't know beloved!!) and 17 to write 👀❤️🍫🍪

6. What’s one fact about the universe of cause and effect that you didn’t get a chance to mention in the fic itself?

oh god that's hard, because yeah i feel like i've already told you every thought i've ever had about this au bjhsdjnfg.

OH wait no i've got something -- initially i was going to have their first time end with basically not just one round. i was gonna have pete be way more cockdrunk and beg for more, which has vegas immediately breaking one of his big rules about how he does these one night stands. and i was going to have most of that then be from vegas' pov. but in the end them both having a single taste that wrecks them felt way more impactful to me, and i liked the idea of pete having a reason to explore his sexual preferences outside of vegas as well, and that didnt feel as necessary if vegas had already given in and re-fucked a former virgin on day 1. not really something about the universe that didn't make its way into the fics, more a direction i decided against but did already partially write before deciding i wasnt vibing with it

in the end i'm glad i went with what i published, i think the pacing and tension are much better this way (:

17. What highly specific AU do you want to read or write even though you might be the only person to appreciate it?

kinda already going in that direction with my and luna's 1920's nyc prohibition au lmfao, no one asked for this and in a way neither did we but it's happening and i'm thrilled

part of me wants to one day do something with my background in fantasy, but then i wonder whether vegaspete or rly anything kpts is the right fit. i don't want to shove them into a world/setting where they're not shining as themselves just because i feel like writing about magic, y'know? that also wouldn't do whatever story i'd be trying to tell justice. i know this because of past attempts to do this w a different old fandom of mine and it just wasn't v good or fun for me or a potential reader.

OH and i have an au idea that i lifted from a pitching competition i did in college (which i won ehehe) that would require me to slightly bend over backwards to get the characters in the right setting but i think the story DOES work for vegas and pete quite well. but it's verrrry far down the list, honestly not sure i'll ever write it, but like. the concept exists. i'll say that it'd be a holiday setting, but not much more since i've barely worked out how it'd function, so i don't really have the words to say more dfbhhfj

[thatgirl4815]

Torture in Ep10 (meta)

Mood, Colors, & Cinematography

I have a lot of ✨ thoughts ✨about that torture scene from Ep10, and unfortunately my OG post for this managed to get completely wiped clean when I went in to adjust the tags (to add a trigger warning, might I add), so I’m rewriting this. Apologies if it takes me awhile. But I want to start by offering a ⚠️ TW ⚠️ up front since this scene involves torture. And not typical torture. No, this is Vegas we’re talking about. 

Pete was brutally abused this episode, but I want to talk specifically about expression, colors, mood, and cinematography. I have never been invested in VegasPete’s storyline, and I honestly don’t know how the two of them will ever develop romantic feelings after this, but I will say that the torture scene in Ep10 grabbed my attention. It was well-choreographed, well-acted, and well-adapted to the storyline. I’m scared, but I truly can’t wait to see how this story plays out in Ep11, as Vegas is sure to get even more sick and twisted. I will say that we should’ve enjoyed our time with happy Pete as much as possible, because the fallout of their time together will certainly change him. [Also, before I get into it, I want to disclose that I haven’t read the novel, so some of this is mere speculation based on what I’ve seen.]

Without further ado…

Expressions

~ Pete ~

I first want to commend Build’s acting, because while he’s been good so far, his expressions in this scene blew me away. For a moment there, I was almost more frightened of Pete than I was of Vegas, which really speaks volumes to the layers in his expression. The key takeaway in my opinion is just that: his expression is multi-faceted. I see acknowledgment, understanding, and determination. I see resolve and defiance. But, though I can distinguish these feelings, they’re all a jumble.

There are, in my mind, multiple ways of interpreting Pete’s expressions. 1) is that it’s a defense mechanism, a way of hardening himself to the pain that he knows is coming. Psychologically, dissociation and depersonalization are ways in which people tend to distance themselves from particularily traumatic experiences. The next potential reading of this 2) is that Pete is simply hysterical, which would not be unbelievable considering a) I’m sure Vegas’s bodyguards did not treat him nicely when they found him and b) he knows what’s about to happen to him. He’s aware of the pain he’s about to endure regardless if he begs…and wouldn’t that drive anyone a little mad? Knowing that you will not only die, but will be brutally punished in the process? The last, and most plausible (in my opinion) reading of Pete’s expression 3) is that it’s a challenge to Vegas.

Pete isn’t stupid. In fact, he’s seen Vegas torture in action before. I personally see Pete’s expression in the torture scene as confirmation of the latter interpretation. Note that while I do believe Pete is opposing Vegas here (in the only way he can), that doesn’t mean he’s a masochist himself/on the same psychological level as Vegas. I talk about my interpretation of Pete’s psychological state a bit more in this post, but I don’t think Pete’s reaction here (or in the torture scene from Ep7) suggests that he craves pain. I think it’s really difficult to say just how Pete felt about Vegas’s torture tactics, but we know he certainly isn’t enjoying them now. He can smile, sure, but I think we can look deeper than that. Pete very well could have some inner turmoil that we don’t know about that Vegas resolves somehow in the future, but at this point, we just don’t have enough information to make any solid calls. My point still stands though that Pete is not enjoying what Vegas does to him. At least, not yet. 

It’s interesting because Pete knows that Vegas gets pleasure from the pain inflicted on his victims. So by smiling—by laughing—he isn’t giving Vegas what he wants. It takes Vegas shocking Pete, watching the pain up close as it passes over his face, to bring a positive reaction out of him. I believe Pete knows that begging will only feed into Vegas’s god complex.

But that laugh. That laugh at 39:43. Truly chilling. Pete isn’t playing the game. He’s not giving in so easily like Vegas wants. And I think that’s what sets up their obsessive relationship down the line.

I want to point out how Pete looks at Vegas’s weapons (in the last photo). When he puts on the gloves, Pete’s face falls ever so slightly, but the smile doesn’t leave. It almost feels like goading. It’s difficult to make out what Pete feels exactly, though this certainly suggests that smiling and laughing is not a defense mechanism—if he truly wished to disassociate, I don’t think he would stare directly at the weapon that will be inflicting pain upon him.

I also want to briefly point out how Pete’s smile widens the moment Vegas specifically says that Pete foiled his plan. While I believe that smiling and laughing is a way of challenging Vegas, I also think it could be a reaction to the success of Pete’s own plan. He was caught, yes, but he completed the mission. 

I think it’s important to at least mention how following these smiles, we get a moment where Pete glares at Vegas. Like the smiling and laughing, it’s part of the challenge, and it’s also a way for Pete to express his cold hatred for Vegas and all the crimes he’s committed up to this point. It only lasts for a second, but it’s one of the most riveting parts of the entire scene in my opinion.

But onto Vegas now…

~ Vegas ~

There isn’t anything about Vegas in this scene that we don’t already know, but I gotta give props to Bible because he manages to emit so much craziness in just a few expressions.

The smile, the twinkle in his eyes, not to mention that dark red light across his face…it’s almost unfathomably unhinged. Only when Pete is in the midst of extreme agony does Vegas show signs of real joy. The climax of Pete’s suffering is the climax of Vegas’s ecstasy. Vegas probably thinks he’s sitting pretty right now where this is concerned—after all, he can torture Pete as much as he wants with no regard for the consequences (his plan was already ruined, and Pete is an outlet for his anger). The problem will be if he actually develops feelings for Pete through this obsession, which seems like a given.

Like I said, I haven’t read the novel, but I think that we will see Vegas develop this quick obsession with Pete precisely because he does not break easily. It no doubt comes as a shock to Vegas, who probably pegs Pete as quite feeble and vulnerable based on their previous interactions. But Pete is different than Vegas has ever seen him before, and I think that stirs up something inside of him. 

Remorse? Vegas will have to express it if he is going to actually have a relationship with Pete. I can’t see it now, but I’ll be really impressed if the showrunners can pull it off. Vegas has cemented himself as a complete villain, and I don’t see Pete “fixing him” exactly. More than likely, Vegas and Pete will offer each other something toxic but inescapable. I mentioned obsession before, but I think addiction is another suitable word for what I see happening in the future.  

Color

~ Red ~

It makes sense that red pervades this seen more than any other color. It’s been used to represent both Kinn and Vegas. For Kinn, I have argued in the past that it represents his outward persona but not his inner one. But for Vegas, I think it represents everything, inner and outer (at least when thinking about red’s negative connotations). Red’s negative representations are dominance, power, and rage. We see all of these at play in some form in this scene. Unsurprisingly, we see it flash across Vegas’s face as the perpetrator of violence and Pete’s face as the recipient of that violence.

It’s also worth noting how red has been used in promotional material. Here, for example:

I don’t think it’s any surprise that red is the color of blood, and it’s often associated with pain.

~ Pink ~

In addition to red, we see variations of the color pink, mostly hot pink, in this scene. Pink is often associated with love and romance--notably sweet things. Here, though, it is a darker shade, near red, perhaps to hint at Vegas and Pete’s romantic future. I don’t think it’s any coincidence that the pink/red color appears most prominently in this shot: 

It could be an intentional move to highlight the irony of this situation. For two characters who will eventually make a couple, pink makes sense, but for what’s actually happening in this scene? The animosity between them? The power imbalance that Pete is pushing against and Vegas is trying to solidify? The color pink highlights just how backwards it all feels.

**EDIT: I’ve done some more thinking about the potential meaning of pink in this shot, which I go into more detail about here. 

~ Green ~

We see green in this scene shining from the light above and behind Pete and through the curtains behind Vegas. Like how red has been associated with Vegas throughout the series, green has also been commonly associated with ⚠️ danger ⚠️. We see it looming over Pete, shining down upon him, as if to indicate the danger of this moment and all that is to come from his time with Vegas. 

Green is prominent in this shot as well, as it covers a large portion of Pete’s dripping chest, as if to show how the danger is consuming him:

It’s a nice touch.

~ Gold ~ 

I’ll end with gold, as it is not extremely apparent in this scene, but it is still visible in parts, such as in the shot above. Like green, gold has a long-lasting association with the mafia. Here, it could be a reminder of the institution that not only allows but encourages Vegas’s psychotic tendencies. It could also be a way of representing the very thing that pushed both of these characters into this situation in the first place. It all comes back to the mafia, after all. 

Lastly on this, I want to mention how chilling it is to think about the gold in this scene compared to the golden light shining between Kinn and Porsche in the final scene of Ep7. I have argued in meta about that scene that gold takes on a different meaning than the typical “mafia” association, instead representing hope and optimism for KP’s relationship. In this torture scene, however, it’s symbolism is strictly negative.

~ Mood ~

We see how each of these colors contributes to the mood of the scene, hinting at potential future developments while also offering some dark underpinnings. It all adds an undercurrent of tension and coincides perfectly with the show’s cinematography. Speaking of which... 

Cinematography

It goes without saying that the cinematography is excellent. There are a few key elements I want to point out.

~ Angles ~

When showing Vegas, the camera seems to stay slightly more panned out and low angled, probably to show him more fully as he moves closer to Pete and taunts him with his weapons. As I’ve mentioned in previous cinematography metas, low angles can be used to show dominance or vulnerability. In this case, I think the low angles contribute to the torturer/victim dynamic. 

Close ups are also used, most noticeably when Vegas closes the space between him and Pete. The entire environment is dank and oppressive, but Vegas makes it more oppressive by closing this gap. There is a literal spark between them, and the camera angles make sure to highlight how Vegas is in control of Pete at all times. There are shots of the cables, wider shots of Vegas coming closer, and tight shots of both Vegas and Pete’s faces together and separately. I do think it is notable that there is only one distinct time where their faces are shown clearly together, unlike in Kinn and Porsche’s Ep7 scene, where we see them both in the same shot almost the entire time. Not to say that this scene is in any way related to the final scene of Ep7, but I think drawing comparisons can highlight some interesting things about the contrasting dynamics.

Lastly, I’ll note the music in this scene. It’s percussive and instrumental. The tension mounts and all leads to Pete’s screams to finish out the scene, letting us know that we--and Pete--are in for a lot more pain soon.

-

That’s all from me for now. I will definitely go back in and add a bit more to this later since Tumblr deleted my OG post, as I said. But in the meantime, you can check out some of my other KP meta here. And, if you’d like to read a lot of other glorious KP metas, visit the “Damn Good KinnPorsche Meta” doc supplied by the wonderful @luckydragon10​. :)

[usertoxicyaoi]

Hi. I have read your analysis through and through, and I completely love how your analysis matches my thoughts about VegasPete.

But I would like to ask you what is Pete's Dark Side that you see in him throughout the series? I know that his smiles from episode 2-9 are fake, but I want to know the specific analysis about his darkness side that he only revealed to Vegas. And why did he only reveal it to Vegas?

Which is the real Pete? Pete, that's around his friends and bosses? Or Pete, that's with Vegas? Do you think Vegas is the only person who gets to see Pete's true side just like how he's the only one who sees through Vegas?

Who do you think is the master manipulator among the two? For me, I'd say Pete. Because he knows how to connect with people so they can side with him. He knows how to capture someone in an emotional level like what he did to Vegas. Vegas is clearly a very smart and an intelligent person, he understands each situation but he can't touch with a person's feelings cause he has a low EQ, while Pete can balance with IQ and EQ.

Like you said, Pete KNOWS everything. So do you really think that Vegas truly think that Pete is stupid/dumb like he said? Since Pete has already opened his true self to Vegas.

hiiiii anon!!!!

ohhhhhh what an ask!!!!! okay lets talk about dark pete, my beloved!!!!!!

ok so. to break it down. i dont think we see dark pete at all until episode 12. i think up until episode 9, we see flashes of a morally grey pete. a pete that's questioning. a pete that's intrigued and fascinated. i dont think all of pete's smiles are fake, in the sense that pete is a party animal and does like to have a good time. but. i think its the supression of his potential, the holding back, and the reluctance to just ... accept the situation for what it is, that has him just meander through the day to day life whilst serving the major family. it becomes .... as though he's living on autopilot, in a sense. the whole deal about being made to watch movies and dramas when maybe he might not even want to, having to babysit etc. but pete just puts his head down and gets on with it. afterall, its his job. but, personally, as the head bodyguard, ya know, i'd expect him to be a lot more involved in and be more hands on in the action side of things. perhaps pete does too. but, yeah, in the end, he just agrees with whatever is asked of him to do, with a smile on his face, because he doesnt wanna cause a fuss, and he gets on with it.

now. he's known vegas for years. from a far distance. and like i said. pete has always had an intrigue. a fascination. he likes to question and poke and prod. remember in ep 6, when he says to pol "who do you think would do a better job, me or vegas' bodyguard?". so pete's a character that likes to assess and calculate and observe and think of possibilities - part of why is the head bodyguard. remember when he told porsche about how there are no heroes or villains. being in the mafia world of work that they are in, technically and morally speaking, from a very basic, black and white level, they are all Bad Immoral People. but, obviously, the world doesnt work like that. and pete sees that. gets that. applies that way of thinking to everything he does. remember when he told vegas that he was being a good son to his dad for doing what his dad asked of him? and vegas said how pete just likes to see things from an optimistic pov? yeah, true, he does. but he also sees the humanity of the situation - he wants to remind vegas that he isnt his dad's puppet or pet. he's human.

now, there's also another side to pete, that links in: the fact that pete is a very empathetic person, in a way that overtime, the role of being a "bodyguard" i.e a protector, a saviour, bleeds into his dynamic with vegas. and he sees how much vegas needs that. not a bodyguard, but a protector, a saviour, a guardian angel almost. not as a babysitter, but as someone who is truly emotionally broken and full of self-loathing, like he is. and so in episodes 11 and 12, even the beginning bits of ep 13, and most definitely in ep 14, you see pete in that protector/saviour/guardian angel role with vegas, despite vegas telling him he doesnt want to be his burden to bear. but its not about being a burden. pete will never see vegas as a burden. there's just a shitload of trauma to work through, and pete is good at that, he's good at working through trauma, and he wants to help vegas with that - break that cycle of abuse.

so going back to timelines. i think from ep 6-9, you really start to see questioning, fascinated, morally grey pete. with the way his gaze lingers on vegas. how he starts to understand that being around vegas unsettles him. not in a way that he's scared, but that, vegas has finally noticed him, talks to him, touches him, messes with him, makes sexual advances towards him. pete already KNOWS that vegas knows that he is spying on him, and pete already knows that vegas knows that he's doing a shit job at it, and yet still, vegas isn't doing anything about that. he isn't punishing him despite getting caught or questioning his audacity to continue tailing him. and even THAT intrigues pete. so, yeah, pete isnt scared of vegas in those eps. hes just very unsettled around his presence. pete already knows what vegas is capable of, and pete isnt scared of torture or violence (episode 7, where he has the stomach to watch vegas' entire torture session). its the aura of vegas, the way he approaches him and looks at him and lingers around him, that unsettles pete. and not only unsettles him, but he knows that he is getting pulled into a trance like state when he's around him. because its vegas. vegas, who just has that pull about him. vegas who has never done so before to pete, though. vegas who is an enigma thus far to pete, bc he only knows vegas from at an arms length, with his philosophy that yeah even though he's Fucked Up like everyone says he is, but he must also have a "good side" to him, and most notably pete must have seen that good side come out when he is with macau. but also because no one has ever really done that to pete, since pete has always kept himself so well hidden away in the background. also a lot of it is to do with kinn giving him that task of tailing vegas, and thats why pete all of a sudden gets the spotlight put on him.

so then from ep 10 to ep 12, pete is entirely in self-preservation, defiant mode. UNTIL. vegas is tender with him. until vegas kisses him. and i think that REALLY messed with pete's head. because "kissing is only for those that you like", right? so pete doesnt get this. all this while, vegas has gone round claiming that pete is his pet and treated him like one. and all it took was for pete to fall sick and vegas' tenderness bleeds out. and then we see a much more softer, mellow pete with vegas. up until they have sex in ep 12.

because in ep 12, that self-preserving, defiant pete has gone. that inquisitive, full of fascination and intrigue pete is back. the "nosy" pete, as vegas called him in ep 11. who likes to prod and poke. and so pete takes it to as far as he can, until he calls vegas sensitive and tells him that he needs love. and his reaction to vegas kicking the book away isnt one of fear. in fact he becomes even more observant of vegas, as he watches him worry away over his hedgehog, when only 2 seconds ago, he told him he was sensitive, and he refused to admit to it. and then the hedgehog dies and vegas cries. and pete can handle crying. but its vegas who's crying. but pete is extremely adaptable and his empathetic side comes out and he manages to deal with a mourning vegas. because up until this point in the episode, its all been about vegas and helping vegas deal with his emotions, and pete can do that.

but its when the entire focus shifts onto pete, that even he himself wasnt expecting. that all this while, it wasnt just pete who was doing all the seeing. vegas was seeing him too. and when vegas makes that known to pete, that he knows he's suffering inside, that he knows pete relishes the whole saviour role, that vegas has known exactly what he wants, so what do YOU want pete? how do YOU like it pete? that ... shakes pete up. but its so .... ASTOUNDING how quickly and simply pete just ... gives in to vegas. he doesnt even put up a fight, doesnt even try to resist. as soon as vegas is touching his face and his hands are on his jaw and his neck, pete is already in that "subspace". he is GONE. and, well, whats even the point in hiding anymore, when vegas has seen right through him? when vegas wants him. and pete's TRUE nature comes out, when he can finally be selfish. be hungry. act on his lust and desires. go as far as he wants to with vegas. wrap the chain around his wrists. hand vegas the rope and his hands. offer his feet to be hung midair and chained. he is the one dictating how he wants it, how he likes it, and answering vegas' question. and the Dark Pete purely comes out to play when he smiles at vegas. god. THAT SMILE. THAT GRIN. its unlike any we've seen up until that point in the show. like i said: whats the point in hiding this primal, carnal side of himself from vegas, when vegas has seen him bare? both in the physical sense and mentally/emotionally too. when vegas himself asked for pete to show it to him?

and i think THATS why he only revealed it to vegas. because vegas said to him that, i know its there, i know it is because its in me too, so show it to me. he gave pete that chance. he asked of pete to do so. pete told him how they're both similar because they both have abusive dads. and vegas told pete how they're both similar because they both have read each other and know exactly what kind of darkness they both have in themselves. and vegas is offering pete the chance to embrace it. embody it. become it. with him.

and so when you get so intimate like that with someone, how ... do you go back to as you were? and episode 13 is EXACTLY that struggle pete faces, as he's so full of shame and self loathing for giving in. for allowing himself to do so. when vegas gave him the chance to leave and he didnt take it. that, he must like vegas, because he kissed him, right? and so much more. he let vegas see him. and vegas threw it back in his face. and, again, all it took was for pete to bleed, and vegas unravelled, and begged him to stay. and the shame is also in how pete let himself caress vegas' face, because he gets it. he gets that vegas needs him. he said so himself, selfishly so. maybe even that he needs vegas too. bc, god, vegaspete ARE about being selfish - selfish for another. (it is ALL about the codependency here!!!!) but not like this. bc, to bring it back, yes, pete in an empath, he gets vegas begging him to stay, but pete finally thought that vegas saw him as a human, not a pet. and when vegas throws it all back in his face, just when pete thought he could touch vegas again after the intimacy they shared, he couldn't. how do you go back to just becoming a pet again after indulging in and feeling the most desired and seen he has ever had?

its not about "was pete real with the major family or with vegas?" moreso than it is about self integrity and being honest with himself. he could scurry away to the major family and go back on autopilot, just like at the end of ep 13 and start of ep 14. thats a sad reality but he could, and he did. but something in him has shifted. and its very ... telling to me how pete has only ever cried in front of and begged to vegas. he has only ever allowed himself to be vulnerable in front of vegas. not even porsche, who's his best friend, because he feels like either porsche will judge him or just won't get how truly fucked up he is. like. and the most raw version of pete is that scene with him and vegas at the back of the bar. because by then, he's just so Tired. he is EXHAUSTED. and even now vegas can see right through him. at this point, pete is just. empty. he isnt dark pete or defiant pete or full of intrigue pete. he's just empty. he has no fight left in him. pete says he wants vegas gone out of his life in a way they were before and holds him at gunpoint, and yet, when vegas, again, gives him the chance to act on what he wants to do (kill vegas), and even holds the barrel to his chest for pete, so that all pete has to do is put the bullets through him, pete can't. and vegas calls him out on that. not in a way of mocking him. but rather, in seeing him. in knowing WHY he can't kill him, though the words are too heavy to be said aloud right now, but they both know why. and its that admission that has them both cling onto one another as they both cry and hug each other. as pete once again touches vegas' face, because THIS is the vegas that pete holds so dear to him, because he's only this open and hurt and vulnerable and humble enough to apologise again and again and again to him. to him only.

which then goes into ep 14, and when the words that were too heavy to say in ep 13 are finally said out loud ("i love you, pete"), in the situation that they are, where vegas could so easily die at any moment, and NOW is when vegas decides to tell him that he loves him, i think it all just becomes a very emotionally heightening experience for pete. and vegas' dad dying just intensifies it. and at this point, nothing else even matters anymore. pete's tried. he's tried to go back to the way things used to be but its of no use when the only thing on his mind is vegas and all the ways he feels when he's with him. and how this isnt honest anymore. it doesnt work anymore.

so, yes. i'd say, currently, vegas is the only one who gets to see the side of pete where he is honest to his emotions and his desires. in the sense that he can voice both his refusal and his greed. even if that entails the crying and the begging and the pleading. and the killing as a way to avenge for him, where, dark pete once again comes out.

so in terms of master manipulator: its pete. hands down. and my reasoning is exactly the same as yours. with vegas, there's the trepidation, if your the victim of his manipulation. vegas just has this aura that makes your skin feel like its wrapped too tightly around your bones. there's just something off-putting. and you only submit to him and cower out of fear. with pete, though, you won't even KNOW you're being manipulated. he's got the boyish, wide, toothy grin mask READY at his disposal. he's got a way higher EQ level, hence him being the empath/guardian angel/saviour/protector, that bleeds out from being a bodyguard, as opposed to vegas who has to be ruthless and clinical and "by any means necessary", at all times.

and i think vegas knows pete is an extremely calculating, smart guy. vegas knows about pete's masks - remember when he said to pete when he was ready to kill him in ep 13, and vegas hesitates before he says "dont think that by acting weak i wont kill you", when all pete was, was truly on the verge of breaking down. vegas KNOWS pete has masks he hides behind. the immediate sense of shyness and the big toothy smiles that came back once again when macau was teasing him at the hospital? and how BOTH macau and vegas knew straight away that pete was feeling a little out of place and told him not to be shy? yeah. vegas knows pete isnt stupid. at all. i think he only calls him a fool when it comes to them - as in, why did you stay? you're a fool for having sex with a freak like me. bc when vegas said "at first, i thought i was a freak. until now.", that was coming from a place of self-loathing. so if PETE too indulged in it, and enjoyed the sex just as much, just as willingly, then he too must be a fool, bc who'd, in their right mind, wanna sleep with vegas when you have the option to leave and choose not to. because vegas has been made to feel like a freak all his life. a psycho. so WHO in their sane mind would wanna sleep with him? but pete did. pete chose to stay and he did. and vegas just .... finds that .... foolish. which offsets pete's entire downward spiral ... not just at being called a fool, but for being foolish enough to sleep with vegas, who he himself called a psycho. and what the fuck was pete thinking?

[prettysweetprettysweet]

i am so interested in how the power dynamics and emotions are going to play out in the sex scene, and it all depends on where they are in their journey to understanding each other. if it's early on it could be loveless and violent and animal-like, or more down the road it could be loving or at least reverent (and probably still violent and animal-like).

i think, just because i want to see such a piece of shit made humble, i want Vegas (while likely being on top) to absolutely be made powerless by a growing lust and love for Pete that makes Vegas almost religious in his adoration of him. And for him to feel the way religion can sometimes make you feel - small in the presence of something greater, but honored to be given the gift of engaging with it. I want him overwhelmed and struggling to withstand the intensity that Pete brings, because Pete is a god and Vegas is a man, but to still be absolutely dying for it.

Since the showrunners have hammered home that every sex scene serves a narrative purpose, I'm trying to determine what idea they would have seen as the most important to drive home. But we have no idea how they are going to position Vegas and Pete emotionally since they have already changed so much from the novel.

An early-on sex scene before identifiable feelings would likely emphasize how broken they both are and how full of need, and highlight their unique brands of craziness. While a scene like I mentioned above would establish how Pete and Vegas are positioned in relation to each other, once the love and feelings kick in. Since VegasPete are (likely) endgame, I feel like the latter scene might serve a more far-reaching narrative purpose.

If y'all have any thoughts on how the scene could play out and how the dynamics of that scene could contribute to a specific narrative purpose, please comment, because I am wildly interested in this.

[i-am-church-the-cat]

KP Episode 9

So. Yeah that happened

Honestly I was freaking the fuck out the entire time. So much shit happened and if I have to wait a fucking week to find out what happens next, I deserve to rant about it goddammit. 

Starting with: Porsche guarding Tawan the whole time. Ngl I thought this made sense for two reasons. The first being that at the beginning of the episode, Porsche is the person Kinn trusts the most and who he trusts to have his emotional interests in mind. He already knows Big might go off the wall, he doesn’t know what the other guards will do. He knows Porsche loves him and will do what Kinn wants with Tawan whether he likes it or not because they just talked about how Tawan affected and continues to affect Kinn.  Secondly, I think that Kinn is trying very hard to take his emotions out of this situation. By leaving Porsche and Tawan in the same room, it’s sectioning off the two people with the biggest impact to his emotional state. Idk this just made sense to me from a “fuck, I need to control things” standpoint. 

Secondly, the scene with Kim was, maybe not placed the best, but super important in my opinion to tell us where Che stands in regards to Kim. I think the writers want us to know that Kim didn’t just kiss Che when he said he liked him to continue to use him or anything, but he’s actually falling as well. It might not have been necessary, per se, but in my opinion it did set the feelings up well. 

While we’re on the topic, Che confessing??? That was all I needed. Honestly, did not give a fuck about anything else that went on in the episode after that scene. And I think it really proves that Che is the only one who currently owns a braincell 😂. I don’t know what’s going to happen there yet but I their relationship is definitely progressing.  (Also side note: I hoped that them releasing the Chay and Kim character study would mean a breakthrough in their relationship this episode and man I love being right.) 

Continuing with my personal favorite part of the episode: VEGASPETE AT THE TEMPLE???????? I have so many fucking thoughts.  1) Macau showing up, insisting Pete join them, and then falling asleep during the sermon? Between this and the apology to Porsche in the seventh episode, I am convinced that Vegas is making him be his wingman when it comes to seducing bodyguards 😂. 2) I don’t know if anyone else felt this way, but the “we’ll see each other in the next life” and the hand on the back made me feel like Vegas was trying to say that Pete couldn’t escape him? It seems contradictory because Pete was the one following Vegas and as far as we know, Vegas has no reason to be this possessive over Pete. But their interactions so far have always been leading Pete somewhere and/or physically taking control of him (ie the hallway scene and when he and Macau are pulling Pete into the temple). It feels like he’s trying to establish a dominance over Pete which leads me to  3) Pete when he’s dumping the water out. I haven’t seen anybody talking about this but that moment was the most evidence for Pete being attracted to Vegas in my opinion. The way he pauses and has to physically reset- Vegas is affecting him and we can see it happening. I’m a strong believer of the “Vegas and Pete are equally fucked up” train so this stood out to me a lot. 

Another thing that stood out to me a lot is Pete’s incompetence. Because he’s not incompetent. He’s the head of Tankhun’s detail, he was chosen for the casino and the minor family mission, Kinn specifically told him he was the only one he trusted to follow Vegas. But as Pete’s pointed out, every time he’s been meant to spy on Vegas, it hasn’t turned out well. Vegas caught them in the car, Vegas got Porsche alone and tried to kiss him, and now, Vegas not only found out Pete was following him, but trapped him, put him in a situation he had no control over, and then escaped. Vegas messes with Pete so much that even though he has to be a very experienced bodyguard, he just does so bad on missions that involve Vegas. And that makes me really nervous about what’s going to happen next episode when he sneaks into the minor family house. 

Moving away from VegasPete, I want to take some defensive stances for the sake of My Boys. Firstly, Porsche talking to Vegas. In my opinion, the only reason Porsche would be wary of Vegas is because Porsche knows Vegas is attracted to him. He’s not trying to encourage that. But, speaking from personal experience, when you’re feeling alone, you’ll ignore the fact that someone has ulterior motives just to interact with someone who’s nice to you. Vegas is a fucking good manipulator. Whether he and Tawan planned this together or not, he knew that Tawan being there would make Porsche feel distant from Kinn and he would capitalize on that. And he will say whatever he thinks Porsche wants to hear to try and get him to trust him.  In that same vein, Tawan is a master manipulator. He’s manipulated Kinn before and he cannot be trusted. We know that, Big knows that, Tankhun knows that. I think even Kinn knows that. So even if he doesn’t have a plan with Porsche (which I honestly think he does), I’m not mad at him. Kinn is so scared of being manipulated again that he will overcorrect just to protect himself and his family. I don’t think he’s trusting Tawan over Porsche. I think he’s trapped himself inside his own head. Which is why the meetings between him, Tankhun, and his father are so important. He needs an outsider point of view to make sure he’s not making a mistake.  (And I do appreciate Korn trying not to pass judgement in the meeting about Porsche. He knows his judgement will sway Kinn a lot, and whether he thinks Porsche is innocent or not, he needs Kinn to be able to make that decision. Not only for Kinn’s own emotional health but because it’s a necessary skill when it comes to being a mafia boss. I could do a whole rant on Korn’s motivations but yeah, that stood out to me.) 

My final thoughts: Tawan.  I fucking love him. He’s so fucking funny. I want to punch him in the face and watch Porsche beat him to a bloody pulp but taking his towel off with Kinn in the bathroom? Putting his full face in Kinn’s crotch? He’s a fucking bastard but his attempts to seduce and mess with Kinn are hilarious to me. And maybe that’s because I have complete belief that Kinn does not care one bit for Tawan sexually (literally who would when they’re dating Porsche Pachara Kittisawasd) but yeah. It’s stupid and funny as hell and I can’t wait to see it blow up in his face. 

Anyway yeah. That was my longass breakdown of episode 9. I’m definitely going to be writing fan fiction to cope so look out for that if you want. And please tell me your thoughts on this episode/any of the ships because I love HEALTHY debate on this kind of stuff. Don’t be an asshole, I’ll just ignore you. 

[veliseraptor]

I have already consumed a lot of gifs and clips and meta and several out of context chapters of a book, but I would be VERY interested in hearing direct Lise excitement about what makes vegas and/or petevegas so much fun :3c

drags hands down face. I feel like I'm still only...borderline coherent about this, is the problem. so far I've been funneling all my feelings into fic which is sometimes easier than typing out coherent actual thoughts about why a thing is making me insane

but since you asked, i'm tipsy, and i said i'd answer questions here goes: I mean I think part of it is about the...thing that i'm sort of coming to recognize from the cnovels i've been experiencing which is this feeling of "what the fuck this is not something i actually expect to read/see in a piece of media that didn't come out of my brain/fandom, this hits so perfectly on so many of my iddy desires, i feel so gloriously and terrifyingly seen" that i'm still struggling to conceptualize/deal with.

seagull screaming meme, etc.

so vegaspete specific: like...on the level where it is deeply fucked up captive/captor enemies-to-lovers, that's one thing. I like my relationships queer and bad representation! but less flippantly I think it's the ways it plays with...intimacy and trauma and kink in ways that I feel like I don't run into a lot in media in ways that really vibe with me. it's the "two deeply fucked up people with a lot of damage being fucked up together, also the way in which they excavate something new or unexpected in each other via their relationship, also the 'being seen by someone in ways you're seldom perceived by others, and also (on the vegas end of things) being loved in all your complete awfulness. if I'm gonna quote my own fic for a minute here (I can do that if I want): "He’d made himself a lure for people like one of those deep sea fish using a light to draw in their prey, dazzling them before devouring them. [...] Pete saw the gaping jaws full of teeth first and chased the light anyway."

and vegas specifically...I mean you hand me a pretty, manipulative dick with a desperate desire to please an authority figure who is fundamentally unpleasable, simultaneous arrogance and some level of self-loathing, more than a little mean and prone to destroying the things that they care about, armored in a ruthlessly charming persona...I'm there. also i joked about, like, "pathetic sadist representation" but tbh that's real

I just love characters who are both ruthless murderers and profoundly emotionally brittle! and also who catch unexpected feelings that turn out to be a big problem! I love it even more when they actually survive.

like...what a gift. only the absolute moral bankruptcy of this narrative makes it possible.

[lutawolf]

wanted to get this in before the new ep tmrw, but i’ve been thinking all week about the vegaspete temple scene and vp’s dynamic in it. specifically when pete asked vegas (unprompted) if he’d like him to get him a new water jug, and then again when vegas basically ordered pete to go throw the water away for him 👀 i think it was probably to show their dynamic as like, mafia heir and bodyguard, showing that pete is still required to serve vegas because he’s just a bodyguard but it was giving….other implications 👀 (tbh i dont really see vp as very D/s heavy at all, i think they’re more focused on roles in s&m so even if this was a nod to D/s undertones, im curious as to how they’re trying to incorporate it into their dynamic)

Hey,

Okay, the VegasPete temple scene was very important so if you didn't get it. Let's back up. Of course Pete is going to ask if he wants another water jug because it's giving merit. Giving merit is fundamental to a lot of belief systems but essential in Buddhist ethics. It is a beneficial and protective energy, which accumulates as a result of good deeds, acts, or thoughts. Further more these merits brings good and wanted results, determines the quality of the next life. It contributes to a person's growth towards enlightenment. There is more but that's the basics. So, you see how important merit is and doing merit together is for families and couples. It's to bring them closer together and insure a place together in the next life.

It's pretty valid why Pete asked Vegas if he wanted a different jug. They truly believe that doing it together will bond them in the next life. I don't know what to equate this to for everyone to capture the significance. It's essentially putting your hand out, taking the other person's hand and saying "always and forever" While it's not a wedding vow, it's still a promise. That's why it's very important how we interpret Vegas' level of devotion. Does he believe this when he tells Pete that he wants to share merit, personally I see Vegas as a believer.

In my personal opinion, I never saw a moment in which Vegas treated Pete as less. There was no mafia boss and bodyguard at all. The way they both talked to each other was with complete respect. Now the questions is, whether we believe Vegas was being sarcastic or not.

As far as the D/s element and you not seeing it.... I'm gonna be honest. I can tell just from how you talk and type that you aren't a member of the community. You gave me no respect, what so ever and actually if you were a member of the community, insulted me. I'm not taking it personally and I'm not saying this to keep anyone who isn't part of the community from asking questions. However, I don't appreciate someone insinuating community knowledge when they clearly aren't. That I do take personally. I will agree that one command doesn't make a Dom but I'm pointing out what I see, which is something a lot of people want to know. Considering I am in fact a member of the community.

[thefreeblog]

Do you like KP just for VegasPete or you like it for the other couples? What do you think of it overall as a show? Like acting / direction wise?Who is you favorite actor of them all? sorry toomany questions..

Don’t worry. Happy to answer all your questions anon.

It’s just not VP I like, it’s the whole show in general.

Rather whatever few Bls I have watched I have never liked all of the couples simultaneously, Kinn Porsche the series is the first one where I have liked the plot, the direction, the sets, all the actors, and all 3 couples.

I don’t have any specific preference as such but one thing that puts me off any show is bad acting.

And the acting is one of the strong points of the KP series. So it naturally reeled me in.

In general soaps or web series are low-budget projects, so there are many things you have to wave off. I generally don’t go much into the technicality of filmmaking. What I look for in a show is a good story, the message behind it, and acting.  

So KP wins in all these departments here.

Since I don’t know anything about books, the story so far is interesting. They have done well with the suspense part of it. The filler stories too, don’t look completely out of the place. Like all the mafia business stuff looks believable and adds to the character’s arc/stories. The comedic bits (barring a few) are alright too. Action scenes are awesome. Though the mafia is kindergarten and has their brains in their dicks (*cough kinn *cough) the world-building is believable.

BOC here has done a really good job in the casting department here.

I love all of them with few exceptions – Let’s talk about them (I’ll use character names where I don’t know their real names )

Kinn/Mile – He has grown on me, not so expressive. Acts with his eyes. Carries the role.  8/10

Porsche/Apo – Best. He lives the character tbh. Acts with everything he has. 10/10

Tankhun – He just eats up the screen with his presence. 9/10

Kim/Jeff – Good resting bitch face. Looks like he can pull off any role, but has not seen much of that in this series. 7/10

Porchay/Barcode- Huge potential. Looks like he will grow into a method kind of actor. 9/10

Pete/Build – He is a director’s actor. Great so far. 8/10

Vegas/Bible – He acts with his whole face, his expressions are on point always. He got lucky with this role. The range he got to play is rarely anyone gets in their first role and boy is he smashing it. 11/10 (extra point for his soft hands )

Yok – Man she is one of a kind. 10/10

Macau – Not seen much. Looks good. 7/10

Tae/Time – Can’t see the appeal. 5/10

Pol/Arm – Both good. 8/10

Ken – Good. 8/10

Big – I know, I love him, but if he keeps acting he will learn quickly. 6/10

Daddy ChessBoard – Meh, he is alright. 6/10

His bodyguard – DILF man DILF. They wasted his potential IMHO. From whatever we saw 8/10  

Daddy Gun/Scarfs – Good. Has a raw appeal to him. Sad, he is gonna die. 8/10

Let’s talk about the chemistry now –

Kinn/Porsche – Awesome together. I love how they match each other in every aspect. You just can’t decide who to look at when they are together.

Vegas/Pete – The lock and key type of pair. Bounce of each other.

Kim/Chay – I never thought of them together as cute(chay is cute no arguments there), but there is something about them which clicks. Despite the age difference, they don’t give that hia / nong type of vibes, which I appreciate.

BOC has done a good job of breaking stereotypes in choosing their couples. No top/bottom or dom/sub kind of vibes when not needed. They just did that with Vegas/Pete sex scene, but that was expected and part of the narrative.

(Brownie points for choosing short kings in positions of power in the power imbalance trope)

So overall what’s not to love. Recommend 10/10.

[mineonmain]

Reveal your Watch and Rewatch List! (BL Edition!!)

Thank you my love @disaster-j for tagging me - This is extremely overdue I know; I had this whole post written out almost 2 weeks ago but then right when I was getting ready to publish this 💖lovely💖 website decided to refresh and my post was lost. I was so mad that I didn't want to re-write it, but here I am anyways.

Currently Watching (I'm extending this to shows that have juuust finished too)

Kinnporsche - It's so fresh in my mind. I have way too many thoughts about this show to put down here, so i'm going to make another post similar to my Not Me Retrospective - all the things that were right and the things that were not. It may not have stuck to the book, and it may not have fully lived up to all the hype and expectations, but it's still unlike any other BL i've seen so far. Gotta commend them for that. Also it's the VegasPete show now, sorry I didn't make the rules. 7/10 (i'm sorry pls don't @me just read my retrospective later)

To My Star 2: Our Untold Stories - talented brilliant incredible amazing show-stopping spectacular...I think she deserves a separate post for herself too. Maybe when i'm not drowning under the guilt of not working on my Dissertation. There wasn't too much angst, the ending wasn't rushed, it was honestly perfect. Imperfect can be perfect too, you know. 11/10

Old Fashion Cupcake - I had low expectations for this so it kind of blew me out of the water. Great acting, incredible chemistry, and that scene in Ep 4 lives rent free in my brain. It's amazing how they (mostly) managed to tell a story in just 5 episodes and still have it feel complete and not unnecessarily rushed. A teensy bit of beef with how the finale went, but there's always something isn't there. 8.5/10

My Secret Love - Pretty mid, like the standard GMMTV sort of fare, featuring My-ponytail-is-my-personality-trait Boy, Walmart Saint Suppapong, Why RU's too-many-couples disease, mildly problematic behavior and a thin excuse of a plot. Still, it's nice to get something banal and light-hearted after all the weekend angst of KP and TMS. The latest ep was surprisingly better and less superficial than all the others so far.

Star and Sky: Sky in my Heart - The sequel to JoongDunk's Star in my Mind, this is typical lighthearted GMMTV stuff ft. P'Mek and debut actor Mark. A series of mini-series' where new couples get to flex their acting muscles a bit and test out their chemistry on the screen. I don't have much to say except it's soft and cute, nothing too groundbreaking.

Looking Forward To

Never Let Me Go (PondPhuwin)

Between Us (BounPrem)

My Only 12% (SantaEarth)

Remember Me (maybe??) (JaFirst)

Happy Ending Outside the Fence

Love in the Air (maybe??)

War of Y (maybe??) (BillySeng and more)

Moonlight Chicken (EarthMix)

Blueming S2 (let's freaking GO)

Rewatch

So. I'm not in the middle of rewatching anything at the moment, frankly I do Not have the time for full rewatches, but when I get in the mood I tend to rewatch specific moments from certain shows instead of full rewatches:

Bad Buddy Ep 5 4/4

Bad Buddy Ep 11

Literally anything from BBS who am I kidding

ATOTS Ep 6 3/4

ATOTS Ep 10 4/4

UWMA EP 2 4/4

Why RU FighterTutor Cut

LBC AePete Cut

WBL Ep 5

WBL 2

Utsukushii Kare Ep 5-6

Semantic Error

Mr. Heart

Light On Me (esp Ep 13)

Tharntype Ep 6/Ep 12

UWMA WinTeam Cut

Blueming Ep 9/Ep 11

TMS 2 Ep 4/Ep 10

OFC Ep 4

Love Is Science? MarkOuwen Cut

2gether Ep 6 3/4-4/4

My Tasty Florida

(Can you guys smell a theme hmmm I wonder🤔) Y'all I'm so sorry about this gotdamn list. It ran away from me. RIP. If anyone actually goes thru this, veterans discount for you. I could probably add more if I stopped to think more but that's where i'm gonna stop for now.

Tagging (I don't rly have friends but): @elevatormusic @whatisgodtoanonbeliever @incandescentflower @liyazaki @onstoryladders @strutforlove @billlkin @7nessasaryevils @excessivelyobssesed @milkpansa @johnnysuhsbathtowel @rythyme @piningbisexuals @ablazenqueen

[stefanyd]

oooh, so far from what shows i've seen:

The first ever BL kiss i saw, and one of my absolute all time favorites, was RamKing from My Engineer, so write that down that was a good one, i don't think i need to explain to anyone that has seen it. It was raw and lovely and had so much feeling behind it and it made me stick it out for more BL, because if anything else had that level of feeling behind it? I wanted it.

Oxygen's SoloGui's first kiss was lovely and sweet and the kind of soft that sends me.

BAD BUDDY EPISODE 5. Gold Star Kiss For The Ages. Everything about it, the love and release and desperation and raw feelings behind it. Ugh. Stellar kiss and acting and they held each other and it was so earned and so heartbreaking. And honestly every single peck after they were in a relationship, because they were cute and natural and all about showing affection. They provided a lovely little window into a level of non-sexual intimacy i adored.

SeanWhite's first kiss on the rooftop in Not Me, followed by every kiss on the tent after. The panic and instant decision making in White's eyes where you can clearly see him go "oh my *God* this is happening" and the layers of hilarious that that was, along with the letting go after and just embracing it all. The tenderness and truth behind it all, even through White's circumstances, giving everything about himself he thought he could at that moment. Also Sean was there and we love a man who finds a reason to live and take care of himself other than revenge.

Every VegasPete kiss from Kinnporsche. Every kiss Vegas gave Pete, every. single. one. Because they were such a wonder to watch, on their soft, almost reverent way, juxtaposed with EVERYTHING ELSE GOING ON AROUND THEM. Every single kiss Vegas and Pete shared was soft, when everything else around them was on fire. Including themselves.

There are more, like Lovely Writer had wonderful ones, and while not BL specifically 3 Will Be Free had a great fucking 3 person kiss-a-palooza, and tharntype had some really great kisses chemestry wise, and most recently there's The Eclipse with their first kiss don't get me started on that because FEELINGS.

I like kisses when they make me feel a flutter in my heart, like i understand what they are feeling, like it makes sense to have so much to contain and finding a release of some sort, i like the happy eureka ones as much as i like the timid and hesitant but loving ones and honestly i just like what can be a physical show of love or need that can be adjusted without having to lead to one thing only. Kisses are nice, for those who like them.

actually, speaking of kisses, what are some of y'all's favorite BL kisses?? and what do you look for in them? like.. do you consider emotions and scene setting too, or do you think good technique is more important? can a close mouthed kiss be good in your book if the emotions are right?