#though im not bothered if you dont
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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#this meme has been going through my head for a bazillion years lol#i love to interact and then it hits me that im probably bothering you guys#plus the current popular stuff I am sadly so unfamiliar with#when i was younger i would gravitate to my own interests when i was unfamiliar with other topics and it got on peoples nerves a lot#and i completely understand that so i dont wanna repeat those mistakes#its just like a game of pingpong of me talking too much and me hiding under my desk bc i feel like im bothering everyone#also like the last time it was p much confirmed i was being annoying i cried for like two hours bc my fears were realized haha#and when a line is drawn for me i kinda like to stay at least 2ft away from wherever that line is just to be safe#you gotta like throw a cookie attached to a fishing line to get me closer to the line lol#because i will seriously be way too cautious otherwise#im trying to get more brave though im just kinda like my cat who heard a noise in the bathroom cabinet#and now he refuses to go near it#being mindful of others feelings and respecting their boundaries is super important to me#and sometimes that boxes me in a bit
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GOD there is nothing more frustrating than being like oh Yay there's a guitar tutorial for this song I want to figure out how to play and watching it and it's just like completely inaccurate . Like nevermind then
#'its definitely not what hes playing but it sounds pretty good' genuinely So happy for you thats completely fine and its genuinely#impressive you like reverse engineered a slightly different guitar part that works with the vocals but i just cant do this im way too#particular for it not to bother me that i would rather choose banging my head against a wall by watching various videos of him playing it o#stage and trying to pick apart what hes doing and spending hours and hours trying to figure it out and eventually giving up#than play this approximation soooo im gonna go do that 👍 because unfortunately thats how my brain works but its okay#brian daddario if youre reading this can you please send me via email the exact tablature for the solo acoustic arrangement of#corner of my eyes that you play at shows please and thank you xoxoxooxoxoxox because im going crazy not being able to play it exactly#i really dont mean this to be snarky because the guys uploading the tutorials like i mean it thats so impressive and way more work than i#could and will put in but its just like i dont want to spend all my time learning somerhing and then its wrong because it just drives me#crazy even though no one cares but its the autism like i just cant do it#im fully 100% certain ill end up never learning this song because i wont be able to figure out exactly what hes playing but i will try#anyway but its gonna take me weeks man#AHGHHHHHH i just wish someoen else had already done it lol
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this may be controversial but maybe the "astarion and halsin are SO sexually traumatised that you should literally cut your own dick off before thinking abt them romantically you disgusting freaks" goon squad should consider the ramifications of essentially insisting assault survivors be permanently excluded from any kind of sex and romance bc they are too broken and stupid to be trusted to know their own desires and boundaries or have the capacity to want to explore/push them.
you know real survivors (not pixel men but real ppl like me!) can read that shit? do you think pushing the lie that encountering one (1) Genital Wielded With Intent will invariably cause us to crumble to a miserably weepy heap of dust and blow away in the breeze is appreciated or helpful? or implying the people that love or desire us are selfish at best and outright predators at worst?
i'm begging ppl to just be 2% normal about abuse survivors PLEASE. the characters aren't real but the attitude you drag from fandom back into the real world are.
#im a long term csa survivor and a 2x rape survivor. i'm now 30yo and live completely free of my trauma in a loving committed relationship#wanna know how i did it? mostly by exploring sex and intimacy on my own terms (including casual sex + kink as well as writing)#you know why i dont talk abt it even though it doesn't bother me? bc i hate the sudden change in how people treat me#like im a cross between a fabergé egg and a hand grenade. get fucked bro for REAL#obviously everyone processes this shit differently but god i am so tired of 'well meaning' disk horsers saying some googoo gaga nonsense#anyway im not tagging this but its fine to rb/interact with.#and YES other survivor spreading this crap this is a direct @ for you too! i'm spraying you with a water gun like a misbehaving cat
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doing the unexpected: washing + drying a pair of wool blend hiking socks HOPING they will shrink because they're a liiiiitle too big
#it may depend if they're too low a percent wool or if they were pre shrunk/pre treated for shrinking#generally dont wash + dry wool things to avoid shrinking though (hand wash cold and lay flat to air fry will always be the gentlest option)#though for socks in general i feel like you GOTTA just expect to be able to throw them in the wash#it feels too extra to bother to handwash that. nice sweater sure. SOCKS?#so that is why i am unsure if my methods will actually work to shrink the sock#if not then i will gift to my mother because she has a slightly larger shoe size than me#(im cursed at women's size 5)
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alright gang place your bets on how insane ill go next year for sparks
#new album AND world tour???? AGAIN??? (just got the maeling list emael. lol)#idk man i really cant keep spending this amount of money on concerts. i gotta cut back#im saying that even though im entertaining the idea of traveling out of the country for the first time and maybe see them in the uk#but idk if im ready for that man. and if im going i gotta go with somebody#not only for safety and anxiety reasons but i need someone to bother#i will probably want to see my beloved california in some form next year. we've been three years running#but i dont knowwwwww. who even knows whats gonna happen next year#can you imagine if the new album is something insane like a bunch of country western covers or something#just to shake up the sparks fans that are trying to predict what the guys are gonna do#its not gonna happen but it would be hysterical#im also less insane abt sparks as i was but with new things happening the feeling may return..... we will see#anyway im excited for kamala my house it should be a great album
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Homies I was rereading my solarpunk zombie apocalypse story to see if I’d want to try continuing it for reaping week and
Homies I kinda cooked
Maybe I’ll do a writing stream Monday
#out of queue#ani rambles#solarpunk zombie story#briar story#i do NOT remember the tag for it so I’m winging it#i’ve never done a writing stream before but I’ve been considering it for months#also tossed the idea of a fortnite rage stream at scrapper last week idk if its happening though#‘ani i didn’t know you stream why didn’t you tell us you stream’ i dont stream solarpunky stuff#so i dont bother with it. its irrelevant.#but if I decide to start cooking tomorow you bet im posting an announcement here#zombie solarpunk story#ani’s solarpunk zombie story#ani's solarpunk zombie story
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People dont know what to do with you when you're burnt out just from existing alone fr
#like they really cant comprehend it#i was brought into this world against my will and i cant be bothered to try to mask and pretend anymore so you deal with it now#one day ill start a suicide cult and that will be the only thing worth actually doing i know it#soon enough once i dont feel disgusted by the though of having to talk to people#anyway im dropping out finally this week so yaaay for that. motherfuckers kept trying to change my mind and i listened every time#because im a people pleaser. but i started sending the emails and planning the meetings#lets just get this all over with so i can sever my ties here yes?
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on some level I understand that welcome to hell is probably a little harder to sell than hazbin given the *gestures vaguely* entire main plotline of w2h THAT SAID im going to be mad about it forever. because one of them is actually funny and has good character design and compelling dynamics and a good plot and its not the one about the freaking hotel.
#literally hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby like nothing vivziepop ever writes will be as good as your first demonic possession#everyone who knows me irl is going to look away now because I need to be really mean about hazbin for a second#and I feel bad doing that because I know my wonderful friends like it. but its my god given right to be a hater on my Tumblr blog.#LIKE ive seen some of hazbin and helluva. theyre mid theyre so mid.#the plots are not compelling the characters have no intriguing chemistry#theyre throwing so much at you both character and storyline wise and its impossible to keep track of anything. theres no time to care about#anyone or any of their stories!!!#and they both rely so much on swear words/sex jokes for their writing and like. its just too much it stops being funny.#anyone who knows me knows I love a good swear or a good sex joke but dude theyre just so constant that they dont work#and it also cheapens the parts that actually try to get serious you know? the tonal whiplash just makes it hard to take anything seriously#like I honestly think if they took hazbin a little more seriously it could actually be good. like I get the oooo swears for adults aspect#but truly if they just bothered to write a good plot instead of forcing a million fuck jokes into it then it could work. but they didn't.#sad!!!!#okay im nice now. when my beautiful friends bring up hazbin I will bite my tongue and not even say anything a little mean#even though its bad and sucks. I will focus on the parts of it that could have worked. so that I can engage with their interests kindly#because all their other interests rule so hard. its just hazbin that I can't stand.
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Several months late, the landlord finally picked up the dehumidifier from my kitchen
Would've been nice had I been told they were coming though 💀 so I could've cleaned up the grocery bags on the floor that I hadn't put away yet 💀💀💀💀💀
#speculation nation#at least i did do the dishes yesterday so the kitchen is in much better shape than it was before. still not great though.#i wonder if i could put in a complaint lol. like Please dont enter my unit unannounced 😭 that's a violation im pretty sure 😭😭😭#actually i might call them. like Hey. can you guys um..not lol#well. the office is closed now so i cant call them. but i wonder if i should email.#i also wonder if it's even worth the fuss. like if they dont bother me about the state of my apartment then like oh well ykno?#except i very much did have a hospital bank statement out in full view which is kinda personal information lol. lmao even.#... actually yknow what i think i will email. bc like. even if they dont complain. it's kind of embarrassing lol.#had i known they were coming i wouldve done that little bit more before leaving. and i shouldve had the option.#this certainly wasnt an emergency. i should have gotten notice. they conducted a violation of tenants rights.#and YEAH ok people might say i should just keep my apartment clean always regardless of if someone is coming.#and while thatd be nice. get this. im a full time student with adhd and ive been having a HELL of a time lately.#so no i hadnt fully put away my groceries. and i left some empty bags on the floor. bc i didnt think itd matter.#so Yeah im going to email them with a friendly 'hey next time could you guys pls give me 24 hour notice? like it says in the law? thanks :)
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alright!!!! kitchen CLEANED ‼️ carry on PACKED ‼️ now i just need to do my homework and then maybe take a really really really quick (4 hour long) nap before dinner/online class. then i will grind on the silly silly why did i decide to do this animation meme/animatic until 3 am hits and i've gotta hit the port. the AIRport :3
in exchange for my incredible unprecedented productiveness i made this little doodle just now. i'm actually a liar i did this in school but still
#honestly killer could be doing fuck knows and i wouldn't even know. still love him though#at this point???? at this point i dont even keep up with his characterization i will not lie#horror and dust are my favorite children im sorry killer. you'll get your time to shine when the seasons change#which is probably soon idk man whatever i love them all ewually :333#anyways killer's just not sleeping in that one. bro's had the longest streak of no sleep he aint breaking it now#erm ACTUALLY he's looking at the viewer and therefore breaking the fourth wall and thats soooooo cool#triglycercule what are you on#why are they all sleeping in the same bed#well obviously because they didn't wanna deal with multiple#but also they cannot be bothered to cuddle close together#dust kicks too much. horror steals too much space. killer sometimes just sits up for several periods of time#worlds craziest sleep#killer actually could be sleeping in that one but i just dont know#but triglycercule didnt you draw this and therefore should know what he's doing?????#idk man killer's an enigma i cant control him 💀💀💀 he does his own shit whatever#i lov making killer so crazily abnormal its so silly#who cares about canon (i do) ok well still im having FUN doodling#shut up and get back to rereading askdusttale and horrortale and something new#alright........ (pitifully limps away)#i tag some things rants when its actually art but i just dont want my art tsg 2 be littered with doodles#maybe thats bad. maybe i should start tagging properly#ok rant tag removed........ iGUESS this is art#euaghhhhhh but its just a DOODLS!!!! IT DOESNT DESERVE TO BE CONSIDERED GOOD ART WORTHY OF THE TAG#but triglycercule art is art no matter if doodle or not. stop belittling yourself for naught!#i hate when i get inspirational and supportive on myself man can i just suffer without some knowitall up my ass#i sound insane rn what am i doing. the bit is not funny#and i changed my mind this is a rant again not art#tricule rant#see it WOULD be both if i wanted to do dual tags. but i dont
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i would take their poison
Sketch + Line Art for those Clicking Under the Cut(tm) (archival purposes honestly)
#moshi monsters#sweet tooth moshi monsters#experimentation i am COG AWFUL at digital dear goodness i was playing with coloring and transparency and all those fun digital doodads.#next time i probably wont have black outline or i'll do it differently. or i'll try well. not doing this. it sure was a process im#i'm an amateur everyone who masically only doodles. does the sketch look better than the final. kinda! but thats okay because im learning#and y'know what. sometimes in life you just need to draw faves no consequences#for how saturated a character they are i kinda feel like i pastelled things too muc and trapped myself with my convoluted layer setup but m#it was looking WEIRD with everything at full force#maybe the sparkles look dumb maybe the hair looks dumb and out of place and why i kinda made the lollipop a little funky too#uhh. first digital piece posted... ever?#the arm is SO fucky i am not that was. thats not what perspective is spam#yes this is what i spent a good chunk of today doing after i started working on coloring it and then. decided to go for it.#cooolrs a little inaccurate on the horns and such but man one of the biggest art things was like#i dont have to have everything at their perfect hex codes all the time. this would look way worse if i just. used their standard colors#yeah this is. instead of looking like its forward and to the right it kinda just looks like they have a Bigger hypno-lolly#especialy becase. i did not bother on the gloves and platforms i the sparkles work with 2 kinda sorta but you know#im practicing! i'm learning! i'll get better and learn how to do things more effectively!#anyway. sweet toof#though hey their arm looks even more fucked in the line art and sketch SO#note to future self have a Consistent Line Art Size so that if you feel like the line art looks like shit during coloring you dont have to#gamble on what size it was while changing it#sketch lollipop looks better i should have kept it small. but its fine. we'll get em next time boys (tm)#yes i know my gif post was so fancy and then the drawing is just THIS
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on behalf of my gramma i think i should be allowed to tear people who make ai generated cross stitch and crochet patterns limb from limb thank you very much
#how is that for ANCESTRAL RAGE#is it quite as bad as the ai generated images of ‘finished crochet projects’ that get posted onto crochet facebook groups#making a bunch of older people susceptible to getting fooled by it#feel as if the REAL things they make are inadequate in comparison to a thing that literally does not and could not exist? i suppose no BUT#translating those soulless fucking generated images into a pattern? with little stupid arbitrary Generated Details that make NO sense but ar#necessary for the pattern????#listen people put their hearts and souls and HOURS AND DAYS AND WEEKS AND WHAT HAVE YOU INTO THEIR CRAFT#and you can’t be bothered to put in effort to even create what a pattern is BASED ON?#like. dont get me wrong. i like that there are things you can use to convert an image into a pattern. cool! convenient though alterations ma#may be necessary!#but. plugging words into a site with no real care and then plugging that into a generator saying good enough#and then being like. cool okay pay us and spend weeks TOILING over this pattern we put not a MICROSCOPIC level of effort into??????#it’s so fucking manipulative especially considering the generation so many people looking for cross stitch patterns are in#like they don’t know to look out for this not to mention how!!!!!#rant over for now but god. im fucking seething
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I lied. Death time
#art#help how do i anatomy#have a nice death#have a nice death art#yeahh i dunno. just felt like drawing himb.#been playing the game a bit. i got addicted so ive had to put it down for now. or at least limit my hours.#the have a nice death discord is super cool tho. specially if you need help with sometjing#useful because its got a lot smaller fanbase than others so i go to them if i need help with something#uhm. ive just been in a bit of a . decline lately? dunno what it is lol. been burnt out#ill be fine dw ! it happens sometimes. judt need to figure out whats bothering me cuz even im not sure#probably just me feeling obligated to draw only like. three things for my art blog instead of. yknow. doing what i want#which is completely my fault but i know people dont like my other art ad much as hk or sky. it. bums me out#which again!! is on me! im so glad people like that art i! i just need to get out of the mindset. its hard though#i guess posting this is breaking the cycle a bit huh#hehe
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today is my one year anniversary at my current job !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
which means its pretty much my one year anniversary of getting DUMPED and LEFT
#its my fault actually like. its very understandable why they left#like nawt even joking. but hopefully my brain is in a slightly better place fksjkf#i wish nothing but the best for them n like !!! i wanna apologize but i dont wanna like. bother them#(guy whos anxiety got so bad it irreparably damaged his relationships vc) Im Ok Now Though#im just feeling leik a little bummed but its ok!! i anm ok. i drank a coffee and im working and im Ok#note to self delete later fjskjfdf#u all get a glimpse into my twisted minddd... raw unfiltered pawbeanies#sowee... ive decieved you all into thinking im so sweet and cute. im actually an unlovable piece of shit but i have a fat ass abt it
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hi! i know this probably makes you uncomfortable so i'll keep it short but basically im a proshipper and i do my best to not interact w/ ppl who say "proship dni"
however, you don't have that tag on your posts and i just wanted to say that you might want to consider tagging proship dni on your posts just to avoid us seeing your posts at all. i have that tag filtered specifically so i wont interact where i am unwanted. you obviously don't want to interact w proshippers and i'd rather not make you uncomfortable so it feels like a good solution. just a tip for the future, have a hood rest of your day/night/etc.
in my experience in the past, proshippers interact either way. so I don't bother. it also puts a big target on my account for proshippers to steal my posts, in every instance I've seen, posts that are stolen are typically by people that have the banner at the bottom of their posts, and with being a semi-known account like I am (averaging currently like 300-400 notes a day minimum), id rather not. I've found I've also been harassed more when I did. i had an older selfship account I deleted from forever ago, I only had it for like a month or two and the hate I received just for the little banner was far greater than anything I've gotten on my time on this account. the lesser people know I dislike individuals that arent bothered by the enjoyment of fictional incest and pedophilia, the less hate I get.
also i only try checking the people that follow me. like I said, its too much for me to go through and check every little reblog or like, people will violate it anyways, I'm sure I've accidentally violated dnis because I like peoples posts without knowing. i more so care about people following and sending in asks. i also check frequent likers/rebloggers, I try reading all of my reblogs and if I see someone reblog my stuff a lot, I take a glance. i have a job and a life outside of tumblr so I cant be bothered with being obsessive over it.
i sincerely hope you get whatever help you need.
#i also am not understanding why you bothered to send something in knowing it would make me uncomfortable you know#i understand being nice and i appreciate it but i clearly dont put banners on the bottoms of my posts. proshippers will interact either way#thats not exactly news unfortunately. i just have it in my pinned as more of a formality. if you did it on accident thats whatever#block me and move on ya know. now you know. but checking someones dni before you follow people in most spaces is standard.#thats the only time im bothered to gaf. people make mistakes whatever. after that though you had the full opportunity
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