#though im not bothered if you dont
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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what if because dust and horror wouldn't wanna be called anything aside from sans in a multiverse context and they were both good buddies they both just start calling eachother sans. i'm sans (dust) and i'm sans (horror) ahh duo
becaaause horror in his eye(s) still sees himself as sans!! he's sans!! who else is he SUPPOSED to be god 😒😒 stop attatching this stupid fake name onto him that just points out all his shortcomings in his au and also just dehumanizes him (because i get that aus are named after a key trait of something but COME ON the guy's name is HORROR it's like naming a poor person "brokie" or something,,,). horror is PROUDLY sans smh
and dust ALSO sees himself as sans!!! like,,, granted he's definitely not a better sans than he was before considering everything he did (but he still doesn't like his past self's inaction) but he's STILL SANS. nothing about him changed (really?) enough to warrant the whole identity shift. like dude dont discredit him DONT DENY HIS WHOLE LIFE!!! he IS sans no matter what,,, dust doesnt wanna think about what he became if he's not sans now anyways lul :3
now could they fight over the right to the identity of sans??? possibly,,, but also consider this: there are literally infinite numbers of sanses in the multiverse. at some point the shiny title of Sans would be something horror and dust are used to around the multiverse!!! so why fight over the name (that so many others share already so its not exactly exclusive) when they can just decide to make each other feel better!!! be delusional TOGETHER 🤞
#because a certain mutual of mine's post reminded me that this draft of mine existed#ironic how this whole post is about dust and horror wanted to be called sans. and i call them dust and horror the entire time#killer would be having the WORST DAY OF HIS LIFE being around them#SANS THIS SANS THAT HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! YOURE HORROR YOURE DUST AND NEITHER OF YOU ARE SANS!!! NONE OF US ARE#ohhh my god this gave me ANOTHER idea.... horror and dust's pride in being sans bothering killer..... hahahshehahageh i like that idea#what's with me and horrordust but theyre using eachother to cope with the fact that they hate their current lives so they pretend to go bac#let's see if untitled29876011111 will approve of this mtt take after they wake up....... :3#this must be like the 7th hc ive made about dust and horror trying to remain as sans together#i think its really an interesting thing to me how they both are the furthest thing from sand undertale but they still believe it so firmly#its kinda like the opposite of killer and his want to be seperate from sans#because (and dont shoot me if im wrong) killer doesnt wanna be sans because he doesnt wanna believe he could've possibly made the decision#to do whatever the hell it is for chara as who he used to think he was. doesnt wanna believe that he's still the same guy when he's been#changed against his will SO much that even he cant recognize himself. and then for dust and horror#they still wanna be sans because for the opposite but same reason???? like#dont wanna accept they they've changed that much so they cling onto the old identity. i love trio parallels#i love continuation group i'm SO glad theyre continuation group. there are other continuations but THEY are continuation group#every single little detail about them can be connected to each other...... and they barely even know each other in canon ✨✨✨✨#the characters are SO perfect together even though theyre not even from the same character or have interactions#how is it possible that 3 characters from 3 seperate creators with none/barely any canon interactions w eachother#just manage to work SO WELL TOGETHER!!!! THEY HAVE SO MSNY CONNECTIONS AND GREAT DYNAMICS AND PARALLRLS OAUGHHHH I LOVE THE MTT!!!! MY TRIO#i wasn't totally inspired by the silly sans 1 and sans 2 thing i put into my fic noooo. ok maybe i was :3#this is 500% gonna be a flop post but whatever i post for myself and the 1 person i know will 1000% see it now ✨✨✨ freedom ✨✨✨✨✨#tricule hc#killer sans#killer's not here in post but he's mentioned in tags. for today this is okay#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#utmv#sans au
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#this meme has been going through my head for a bazillion years lol#i love to interact and then it hits me that im probably bothering you guys#plus the current popular stuff I am sadly so unfamiliar with#when i was younger i would gravitate to my own interests when i was unfamiliar with other topics and it got on peoples nerves a lot#and i completely understand that so i dont wanna repeat those mistakes#its just like a game of pingpong of me talking too much and me hiding under my desk bc i feel like im bothering everyone#also like the last time it was p much confirmed i was being annoying i cried for like two hours bc my fears were realized haha#and when a line is drawn for me i kinda like to stay at least 2ft away from wherever that line is just to be safe#you gotta like throw a cookie attached to a fishing line to get me closer to the line lol#because i will seriously be way too cautious otherwise#im trying to get more brave though im just kinda like my cat who heard a noise in the bathroom cabinet#and now he refuses to go near it#being mindful of others feelings and respecting their boundaries is super important to me#and sometimes that boxes me in a bit
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this may be controversial but maybe the "astarion and halsin are SO sexually traumatised that you should literally cut your own dick off before thinking abt them romantically you disgusting freaks" goon squad should consider the ramifications of essentially insisting assault survivors be permanently excluded from any kind of sex and romance bc they are too broken and stupid to be trusted to know their own desires and boundaries or have the capacity to want to explore/push them.
you know real survivors (not pixel men but real ppl like me!) can read that shit? do you think pushing the lie that encountering one (1) Genital Wielded With Intent will invariably cause us to crumble to a miserably weepy heap of dust and blow away in the breeze is appreciated or helpful? or implying the people that love or desire us are selfish at best and outright predators at worst?
i'm begging ppl to just be 2% normal about abuse survivors PLEASE. the characters aren't real but the attitude you drag from fandom back into the real world are.
#im a long term csa survivor and a 2x rape survivor. i'm now 30yo and live completely free of my trauma in a loving committed relationship#wanna know how i did it? mostly by exploring sex and intimacy on my own terms (including casual sex + kink as well as writing)#you know why i dont talk abt it even though it doesn't bother me? bc i hate the sudden change in how people treat me#like im a cross between a fabergé egg and a hand grenade. get fucked bro for REAL#obviously everyone processes this shit differently but god i am so tired of 'well meaning' disk horsers saying some googoo gaga nonsense#anyway im not tagging this but its fine to rb/interact with.#and YES other survivor spreading this crap this is a direct @ for you too! i'm spraying you with a water gun like a misbehaving cat
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I keep accidently rizzing up dads at work when they're just trying to buy pokemon cards for their kids 😔
#as if its my fault i have impeccable taste in video games#its so sad though every time they say something like 'my friends / wife / family dont like when i talk about my nerd stuff.#sorry if im bothering you with it' sir i could listen to you talk about technology that came out a decade before i was born any day#a lot of them are pretty cool once i find common ground with them. usually said common ground is just be knowing what a commodore 64 is#or having played skyrim. sometimes i gotta drop the neverwinter nights 2 knowledge on them or else explain in great detail my commander deck#i really do need to settle down but i like to think its the highlight of most of their weeks#also shout out to the moms who call me sweetheart or angel and give me those great big genuine mom smiles when i help them out#also im not trying to break things down into a weird binary but a lot of times unfortunately in my line of work thats how the status quo#is already set up :/
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thinking abt the veilguard companions and sighing heavily
#they have no personality outside of the things they need help with. they are not their own people#they are tools for a force narrative about...fear and regret i guess? but like. ok...who are these people though#you dont actually get to KNOW them unless you bother to walk around the lighthouse and peep into their notes and journals#insane. i cant ask you questions about your life before joining my cause? about your family or upbringing?#i have to eavesdrop on ambient conversation to be able to learn about you? give me a freaking break#i constantly flip flop between a show-dont-tell and TELL ME MORE because this game cant make up its own freaking mind#it overexplains itself CONSTANTLY during the main quest and then when it comes to the NPCs it hardly explains anything#unless you actively seek it out. or you dont blight minrathous.#''but you had to seek out companions in the past games!!!'' yeah. because you could actually TALK TO THEM.#you cant TALK to anyone in this game.#someone in the anti veilguard community put it best: theyre just dolls you pick up and play with on occasion. they have no real agency#literally. they have NO control over their own narratives. YOU are the deciding factor on everything they do.#''but this is true for every NPC in every dragon age!!'' can you not use your brain critically for even a moment.#the NPCs in previous games actually felt like people. when they asked for your help it was because you EARNED the right to participate#through talking to them and asking questions and building rapport and giving them gifts.#these characters trauma dump on you the moment you meet them. there is no building of anything. its all just vomited onto you immediately#bellara talking about cyrian in her first companion quest for example...like girl .#stupid worthless dialogue wheels that dont ever change the outcome of a conversation. the illusion of choice. all of it. im so angry.
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doing the unexpected: washing + drying a pair of wool blend hiking socks HOPING they will shrink because they're a liiiiitle too big
#it may depend if they're too low a percent wool or if they were pre shrunk/pre treated for shrinking#generally dont wash + dry wool things to avoid shrinking though (hand wash cold and lay flat to air fry will always be the gentlest option)#though for socks in general i feel like you GOTTA just expect to be able to throw them in the wash#it feels too extra to bother to handwash that. nice sweater sure. SOCKS?#so that is why i am unsure if my methods will actually work to shrink the sock#if not then i will gift to my mother because she has a slightly larger shoe size than me#(im cursed at women's size 5)
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Homies I was rereading my solarpunk zombie apocalypse story to see if I’d want to try continuing it for reaping week and
Homies I kinda cooked
Maybe I’ll do a writing stream Monday
#out of queue#ani rambles#solarpunk zombie story#briar story#i do NOT remember the tag for it so I’m winging it#i’ve never done a writing stream before but I’ve been considering it for months#also tossed the idea of a fortnite rage stream at scrapper last week idk if its happening though#‘ani i didn’t know you stream why didn’t you tell us you stream’ i dont stream solarpunky stuff#so i dont bother with it. its irrelevant.#but if I decide to start cooking tomorow you bet im posting an announcement here#zombie solarpunk story#ani’s solarpunk zombie story#ani's solarpunk zombie story
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People dont know what to do with you when you're burnt out just from existing alone fr
#like they really cant comprehend it#i was brought into this world against my will and i cant be bothered to try to mask and pretend anymore so you deal with it now#one day ill start a suicide cult and that will be the only thing worth actually doing i know it#soon enough once i dont feel disgusted by the though of having to talk to people#anyway im dropping out finally this week so yaaay for that. motherfuckers kept trying to change my mind and i listened every time#because im a people pleaser. but i started sending the emails and planning the meetings#lets just get this all over with so i can sever my ties here yes?
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on some level I understand that welcome to hell is probably a little harder to sell than hazbin given the *gestures vaguely* entire main plotline of w2h THAT SAID im going to be mad about it forever. because one of them is actually funny and has good character design and compelling dynamics and a good plot and its not the one about the freaking hotel.
#literally hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby like nothing vivziepop ever writes will be as good as your first demonic possession#everyone who knows me irl is going to look away now because I need to be really mean about hazbin for a second#and I feel bad doing that because I know my wonderful friends like it. but its my god given right to be a hater on my Tumblr blog.#LIKE ive seen some of hazbin and helluva. theyre mid theyre so mid.#the plots are not compelling the characters have no intriguing chemistry#theyre throwing so much at you both character and storyline wise and its impossible to keep track of anything. theres no time to care about#anyone or any of their stories!!!#and they both rely so much on swear words/sex jokes for their writing and like. its just too much it stops being funny.#anyone who knows me knows I love a good swear or a good sex joke but dude theyre just so constant that they dont work#and it also cheapens the parts that actually try to get serious you know? the tonal whiplash just makes it hard to take anything seriously#like I honestly think if they took hazbin a little more seriously it could actually be good. like I get the oooo swears for adults aspect#but truly if they just bothered to write a good plot instead of forcing a million fuck jokes into it then it could work. but they didn't.#sad!!!!#okay im nice now. when my beautiful friends bring up hazbin I will bite my tongue and not even say anything a little mean#even though its bad and sucks. I will focus on the parts of it that could have worked. so that I can engage with their interests kindly#because all their other interests rule so hard. its just hazbin that I can't stand.
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Several months late, the landlord finally picked up the dehumidifier from my kitchen
Would've been nice had I been told they were coming though 💀 so I could've cleaned up the grocery bags on the floor that I hadn't put away yet 💀💀💀💀💀
#speculation nation#at least i did do the dishes yesterday so the kitchen is in much better shape than it was before. still not great though.#i wonder if i could put in a complaint lol. like Please dont enter my unit unannounced 😭 that's a violation im pretty sure 😭😭😭#actually i might call them. like Hey. can you guys um..not lol#well. the office is closed now so i cant call them. but i wonder if i should email.#i also wonder if it's even worth the fuss. like if they dont bother me about the state of my apartment then like oh well ykno?#except i very much did have a hospital bank statement out in full view which is kinda personal information lol. lmao even.#... actually yknow what i think i will email. bc like. even if they dont complain. it's kind of embarrassing lol.#had i known they were coming i wouldve done that little bit more before leaving. and i shouldve had the option.#this certainly wasnt an emergency. i should have gotten notice. they conducted a violation of tenants rights.#and YEAH ok people might say i should just keep my apartment clean always regardless of if someone is coming.#and while thatd be nice. get this. im a full time student with adhd and ive been having a HELL of a time lately.#so no i hadnt fully put away my groceries. and i left some empty bags on the floor. bc i didnt think itd matter.#so Yeah im going to email them with a friendly 'hey next time could you guys pls give me 24 hour notice? like it says in the law? thanks :)
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i would take their poison
Sketch + Line Art for those Clicking Under the Cut(tm) (archival purposes honestly)
#moshi monsters#sweet tooth moshi monsters#experimentation i am COG AWFUL at digital dear goodness i was playing with coloring and transparency and all those fun digital doodads.#next time i probably wont have black outline or i'll do it differently. or i'll try well. not doing this. it sure was a process im#i'm an amateur everyone who masically only doodles. does the sketch look better than the final. kinda! but thats okay because im learning#and y'know what. sometimes in life you just need to draw faves no consequences#for how saturated a character they are i kinda feel like i pastelled things too muc and trapped myself with my convoluted layer setup but m#it was looking WEIRD with everything at full force#maybe the sparkles look dumb maybe the hair looks dumb and out of place and why i kinda made the lollipop a little funky too#uhh. first digital piece posted... ever?#the arm is SO fucky i am not that was. thats not what perspective is spam#yes this is what i spent a good chunk of today doing after i started working on coloring it and then. decided to go for it.#cooolrs a little inaccurate on the horns and such but man one of the biggest art things was like#i dont have to have everything at their perfect hex codes all the time. this would look way worse if i just. used their standard colors#yeah this is. instead of looking like its forward and to the right it kinda just looks like they have a Bigger hypno-lolly#especialy becase. i did not bother on the gloves and platforms i the sparkles work with 2 kinda sorta but you know#im practicing! i'm learning! i'll get better and learn how to do things more effectively!#anyway. sweet toof#though hey their arm looks even more fucked in the line art and sketch SO#note to future self have a Consistent Line Art Size so that if you feel like the line art looks like shit during coloring you dont have to#gamble on what size it was while changing it#sketch lollipop looks better i should have kept it small. but its fine. we'll get em next time boys (tm)#yes i know my gif post was so fancy and then the drawing is just THIS
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on behalf of my gramma i think i should be allowed to tear people who make ai generated cross stitch and crochet patterns limb from limb thank you very much
#how is that for ANCESTRAL RAGE#is it quite as bad as the ai generated images of ‘finished crochet projects’ that get posted onto crochet facebook groups#making a bunch of older people susceptible to getting fooled by it#feel as if the REAL things they make are inadequate in comparison to a thing that literally does not and could not exist? i suppose no BUT#translating those soulless fucking generated images into a pattern? with little stupid arbitrary Generated Details that make NO sense but ar#necessary for the pattern????#listen people put their hearts and souls and HOURS AND DAYS AND WEEKS AND WHAT HAVE YOU INTO THEIR CRAFT#and you can’t be bothered to put in effort to even create what a pattern is BASED ON?#like. dont get me wrong. i like that there are things you can use to convert an image into a pattern. cool! convenient though alterations ma#may be necessary!#but. plugging words into a site with no real care and then plugging that into a generator saying good enough#and then being like. cool okay pay us and spend weeks TOILING over this pattern we put not a MICROSCOPIC level of effort into??????#it’s so fucking manipulative especially considering the generation so many people looking for cross stitch patterns are in#like they don’t know to look out for this not to mention how!!!!!#rant over for now but god. im fucking seething
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also like i partially found out i might be intersex because i was looking at trans stuff and there was like "(however many) months on t and finally seeing some bottom growth" and like pictures of t-dicks and i was like.... um.... that's kind of just what my clit looks like anyways. so i was like "hey google give me a quick rundown on this" and learned what clitoromegaly was and then i was like. hm. intersex resources. and it's like a sign? symptom? side-effect? of certain intersex conditions
#i mean like pcos runs in the mums side of my family but i dont have all the symptoms of that#i do also have like. more hair?? than the average afab person#like dark hair on my stomach and chest and back#and my face. whats disappointing about the face hair is that it isnt enough to be able to grow a beard#so i cant even fuck with gender that way#tagging as nsft just because of like genital mention#genital mention#nsft#shoutout to transmascs on t who show their t-dicks on the internet it was really helpful#also i dont know how to describe it but like. my natural face shape is kind of masculine??#like it would be plausible for a cis amab perisex man to have my face without looking feminine#if you get what im saying??#if it sounds like im reinforcing sex or gender essentialism please say i am struggling to find words#unshoutout to the boys in primary school who made fun of me for having hair under my arms and starting a whole decade of insecurity-#-about having hair on my body lmao#for the record i dont think certain face shapes are indicative of gender and all im just going by like. patterns?? in afab vs. amab faces#also not that i think afab vs. amab is the entire categorisation of human sex characteristics but um. working with what vocab i have here#i think what also really kicked it off. was relating to a fair few experiences intersex people have socially#particularly intersex ppl who were afab and faced a lot of pressure to make their bodies conform to feminine beauty standards#and it was like.... oh lol.... my mum did that to me!!#it comes from her own internalised shit bc she has pcos (idk if she identifies as intersex even tho she could if she wanted) but still.#dont project that onto a 10 yr old lmao. she keeps buying me hair removal products#ALSO floored by an experience i have. in which apparently half my friends dont feel pressure to shave their legs#because the hair on their legs is like. light and thin and barely visible and i was like?? huh??#what do you MEAN your legs don't look like your brothers/fathers if you dont shave??#im starting to think they dont shave their arms. their arms might just naturally not have a load of hair#i dont shave my arms though. cannot be bothered with that and also like. why would i do that#also you know that like. happy trail i think its called?? on “men's” stomachs??#yeah i have that naturally yeah thats right im naturally sexy#if you cant tell i am putting “girls” “mens” “boys” “womens” etc. in quotes to indicate that is just the normal society way of saying it
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I lied. Death time
#art#help how do i anatomy#have a nice death#have a nice death art#yeahh i dunno. just felt like drawing himb.#been playing the game a bit. i got addicted so ive had to put it down for now. or at least limit my hours.#the have a nice death discord is super cool tho. specially if you need help with sometjing#useful because its got a lot smaller fanbase than others so i go to them if i need help with something#uhm. ive just been in a bit of a . decline lately? dunno what it is lol. been burnt out#ill be fine dw ! it happens sometimes. judt need to figure out whats bothering me cuz even im not sure#probably just me feeling obligated to draw only like. three things for my art blog instead of. yknow. doing what i want#which is completely my fault but i know people dont like my other art ad much as hk or sky. it. bums me out#which again!! is on me! im so glad people like that art i! i just need to get out of the mindset. its hard though#i guess posting this is breaking the cycle a bit huh#hehe
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Just the way Shin Tsukimi’s “mask off” moment is him becoming increasingly frustrated to the point of having a nervous breakdown where all he can do is laugh maniacally because he’s so done with everyone acting so incompetent and not seeing things “as they are” (aka how he sees them) is just. Mwah chefs kiss hes just like me fr 😰
#yttd#shin tsukimi#like guys you just cant comprehend the ways in which we are the same guy#in the good ways and the bad ways#cuz like god this is exactly how id feel in the same situation literally exactly#it IS how i feel constantly and its an infuriating experience when its like#it feels like you hold the inherent truth like you see something no one else can and you try so fucking hard to explain it#you dumb it down as much as possible but no one will listen to you even though youre trying your best and so you just lose it#and you just sit on your high chair all alone cuz why bother talking when youre clearly the only competent one here#and its so real because shin is like. justified for the most part! he DOES know shit that no one else does!#no one can see how dangerous sara is or how stupid it is to put all this blind trust in her and he doesnt get that it makes no logical sense#but to everyone else sara is just a nice smart girl who wants to help so why wouldnt they trust her?#and hes just so like stuck in his ways about it and believes it so strongly and why wouldnt he? he knows the statistics#and he knows he himself is weak its all hes ever believed about himself#god like. that scene just means so much to me lol i relate so hard it hurts#and its hard to know when youre justified in your beliefs and when youre talking nonsense it all feels the same#and you dont WANT to be an ass you want to understand truly but you literally cant comprehend being that stupid#im so glad this character exists man
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