#though I find it funny and adorable how a big working dog is just a puppy at heart

[myz-wykkyd]

Used my limited graphic design skills to make a chart of all the characters Rosalie has romanced in (almost) every farming sim I've played with her. Lol I'd always wanted to do something like this and I'm pretty happy with the result.

I made a free to use template of it on the right if anyone else wants to show off who they romanced. Feel free to decorate/doo what you like with it- just link back here if you use it so other people can find it o/

Brainrot Below<3

Now, though many of these games involved premade mcs- I've played as some variation of Rosalie in games for as long as I could remember.

I noticed there's a trend that popped up in her choices that I think is as interesting as it is amusing. Ofc, most of these choices were just my personal favorite bachelors of that game, but they were still used to devlop her, and I hadn't realized how much she leaned towards certain professions, personalities, ect. I've concluded my girl loves a hardworking boy whose brooding but sweet- or a golden retriever Marlin: Harvest Moon: A Wonderful Life was my first Farming Sim. I didn't get to play the female version until much later in life. So my choice of who'd I/Rosalie married had been pretty decided lonnng before I finally got to play it. But honestly even though I like Marlin, he's kind of the default choice because I didn't care for Rock and Gustafa- and Rosalie wouldn't either. I think if I had ever gotten to play HMDS:Cute I might have liked him more- or she would have married Griffin-

Blue | Harvest Moon: Magical Melody / Friends of Mineral Town: Loved Grey/Blue. (Let's face it their pretty much the same character). Upset the remake took away his hat. Little off topic, but even though character customization wouldn't be a thing in these games for years- I'd used to imagine my character had pink hair like Popuri LOL

Vaughn | Harvest Moon: Sunshine Islands: Vaughn was the first time I ever was head over heels for a character in one of these games- I just adored everything about him and I don't think it's hard to see why. Once she got to know him better, Rosalie def would have been hella smitten for this cowboy- (Also Vaughn walked so Logan could run-)

Owen | Harvest Moon Animal Parade: So Owen is an unexpected deviation. Most of these choices are also my favorites, but when I first played through HM:AP Gil was actually my favorite bachelor. I could have made him and Rosalie work, but it just didn't feel right. So after looking them all over I think she def would have preferred Owen

Dylas | Rune Factory 4: One of my favorite games from the genre- and I think the cast of romanceable characters was STACKED. Dylas was my favorite because he was seriously SO damned cute in all his events 🥰 Also think it's kinda funny he's a horse guy and Rosalie has a lot of horse motifs herself-

Alex | Stardew Valley: REALLY unpopular opinion incoming! I've put over 500+ hrs into SV 😭 but in all that time, I've just never clicked with any of the characters. Which really sucks because this is the first game I ever got to play as Rosalie. Alex and Sam were my favs, but I think Rosalie would lean more towards Alex.

Logan | My Time At Sandrock: Logan 😍💖🥰Just, guh- I LOVE everything about him and MTAS so damn much. Especially because the hyper fixation I had with this game/character was what led me to finalize Rosalie's design/character at long last. I developed so much content for him and Rosalie I never got to share 😭hope I can someday!

Mark | Coral Island: God I love big men who love animals- and Rosalie does too. 💦🥰 Honestly, even though he started out as one of my favorites (later to be replaced by Shark man hoo hoo haw), I wished more of his heart events focused on his relationship with the player instead of the dog. It was really cute at first but like 6 of the 8 cutscenes were about it and most of the time he never even interacted with your character. Was disappointing ngl.

Nokk | Roots of Pacha: Now- Nokk is not currently a romanceable character, but I'm hoping the future update will add him to the roster. 🫠💔Cause this is another case where I LOVE the game to pieces but none of the characters speak to me- aside from the one I can't have- Hayden: Fields of Mistria: and last but not least- Hayden. He just completely encapsulates so much of what Rosalie finds attractive, it's a little funny. I'm waiting until the game is finished to continue playing and I can't wait to see what the future holds for him.

The following will include some honorable mentions that I didn't include because I didn't have anymore room on my template/they weren't a farming sim/ect.

First up! Nathaniel from Sunhaven!<3 Feel like this responsible captain of the guard would work well with Rosalie. Honestly, there weren't really any choices that felt right for her, but for once in many years my main playthrough of the game ended up being with a different character and I had someone pre-picked out for her. So there lots of great choices, just none that suit Rosalie well.

[valoale]

My mum bought my dog a squeaky toy for Christmas and I got to wake up to my dog literally abusing the poor toy by rapidly squeezing it and I’m pretty sure I’m losing my hearing but at least my dog is having the time of her life

[bunnys-kisses]

scary dog privilege

simon "ghost" riley

cw: smut/pwp, loving!ghost, size difference/kink, body worship, praise kink, missionary

  “simon? a scary dog? no way!” you laughed as you had another sip of your coffee. you were meeting with a few of your friends and they were curious about your boyfriend. they had met him a few times and thought you two were a good match, despite simon's scary appearance. one of your friends suggested that simon was akin to a scary dog. and the notion made you laugh.

your simon? the one who brought you home flowers every time he returned back to england. the one who doted on you that one time you had a really bad headache. the same simon that figured out the recipe to one of your favourite childhood dishes! he went through all the trouble to contact your grandmother and find out exactly how to make it because he loved you that much. 

  “he dresses in all-black and is so tall. it's a little scary!” your friend admitted. 

you laughed, “oh you guys are so funny. simon's a huge sweetheart! literally the other day he was nice enough to make me some homemade ice tea so i would have something cool to drink when i got home from work!” 

your friends looked at each other, as long as you weren't in a situation you didn't want to be in. then who were they to judge, simon never laid a hand on you that you didn't want on you. however, they worried that the people who tried to push your boundaries were not as lucky as you. you continued to chat happily with your friends, your sweet coffee tasted good on your tongue. you were all cooing and blushing over your beloved boyfriend simon!

and during the course of your time with your friends, they were almost convinced that simon was less of a pitbull and more of a golden retriever. that was until the imposing soldier came through the front door of the cafe. the heavy steps of his boots could be heard as he approached the table you were seated at with your friends. 

he definitely looked more like guard dog than a lap dog. 

you looked over and your expression changed to one of glee as you put your drink down and reached for your boyfriend. you babbled at him about how you were talking about him, and he responded with short nods and not many words. you were for sure more of the talker than he was. you finished your drink, even sharing some with simon before you gave all your friends hugs and left with your scary boyfriend. 

simon adored you, therefore you hardly noticed how tall he was, how big every part of him was, the medical mask he always wore, but you knew what was underneath. simon didn't scare you as he did others, he was your loving boyfriend of the last few years. he was a nerd about history facts and loved manchester united. he drank his tea black and his coffee with two sugars.  he wasn't scary. 

even though on your way home and you were giving some directions, simon was over your shoulder glaring daggers at the person receiving your instructions. afterwards you took simon's hand and swung your hands as you walked towards the tube station. you sat close to him on the train, his large arm over your shoulders and occasionally you kissed any exposed skin on his face. 

you hardly noticed when simon was giving the death glare to someone else on the train who was eyeing you up and down. if you weren't at simon's side, he would've made himself known to the man eyeing you. made sure that the other man wasn't going to cause any problems. last thing he wanted was for it to get physical.

  “si?” you looked at him curiously, noticing he hadn't moved in a good moment. 

  “don't worry, love. thought i saw something.” 

you nodded and melted back into his side until it was time to get off the train. simon just adored you, he thought you brought the sunrise to him every morning. you had captured his heart quite easily. you were soft, not weak. you were far from weak, you could take anything and then some. but you were a lot softer than him, all the way down to your smooth hands that touched his scars. your heart was always in the right place and simon felt the need to protect you. 

after dinner you were snuggled up with your big handsome boyfriend. you felt comfortable next to him.  you spread your hand across his strong chest and pressed yourself up against him. you asked him, “si, do you think you're a scary dog?”

  “a scary dog?”

  “yeah, like when i walk down the street with you no one wants to approach us because you're so scary!”

he chuckled and pulled you closer to him, “well, i wouldn't say i'm scary. but you are.” he said as a joke, you wouldn't hurt a fly. literally, last time there was a fly in your flat you coaxed the insect out through an open window. 

you chuckled and leaned up to kiss him, “well, i guess i have to protect you then.” you flexed your bicep and laughed some more. simon just pinned you to him and kissed the shell of your ear all the way down your neck. this only caused you to squirm against him as you laughed more. 

  “i guess so, maybe i should give you a ‘thank you’ for doing such a good job protecting me.” he said with a certain softness in his voice. 

you held onto the front of his shirt and gave him a mischievous glance, “i guess you do. i do love rewards.” then leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. you then got out of your boyfriend's grasp and took him by the hand delicately and led him towards your shared bedroom. you could feel the flush in your cheeks. you couldn't help but giggle at how much you loved your boyfriend. 

in the bedroom, simon grabbed you from under the pits and almost tossed you onto the big bed you both shared.  you sat on it and quickly got your t-shirt off, followed by your sweatpants that you had rolled up to the knees. simon helped you get your socks off along with your bra. you then laid out under him in just a cheap pair of cotton panties. 

simon's hands roamed your body, he was naked as well. his cock stood proud between his legs. enticing you. he really was so much bigger than you, he wasn't one of those dehydrated muscle guys. no, no, he had a bulk to him that was lined with muscles. he could easily lift two of you, if not more, with relative ease. 

  “you look like a dream.” he said softly, “every time i go away, i'm thinkin' about ya, love. thinkin' about those pretty eyes, your soft skin, the little scar on your cheek, those nice thighs. i'm thinkin' about every inch of my woman.” his words made your chest soar as you felt warmth in his presence. ��his hands continued to roam, feeling the valleys of your body before they rested on the the waistband on your underwear. 

slowly he took them off with a little help from you. it left you both naked. simon leaned in and kissed you once more, his hands were on your breasts and he palmed them softly. he never wanted to hurt his beautiful girl. he could feel the heat radiating off your cheeks from how much you were blushing. simon left a few more kisses because he pulled back to grab you by the hips. 

you wrapped your legs around your lover and smiled up at him. bright like the afternoon sun. he held onto your hips with one hand and the other was wrapped around his cock as he rubbed his length up against your sweet cunt. he shuddered and you wanted to cover your face with your hands. but you knew that simon loved when he was able to see you.

  “ready for me?” he asked. 

you nodded and shifted your hips a little. you winced a little when you felt the initial stretch of his cock. you exhaled deeply and relaxed as he slotted his cock snugly inside of you. you reached for him and held onto his shoulders as he pressed his strong chest against yours. you swore you could feel the race in his heart rate. 

  “you take me so well.” he purred, “you take me perfectly. nobody else can take this like you can.” he planted his hands on either side of you on the bed and pushing his cock up into you. he felt the sweat at the nape of his neck and it felt good all over. 

  “i'm made just for you, si.” you giggled as you squirmed a little bit, but simon's much larger body kept you pinned down onto the bed. you two moved against one another, there was sparse kisses shared between the two of you as the bed creaked under your movements. 

simon felt like you other half, you couldn't believe that the man for you was a burly over 6ft tall soldier who loved and adored you. who'd do anything for you. you didn't understand dhow anyone could find him terrifying. he was just so doting on you. even his kisses were soft as he rocked against you. his cock nudged against some of your most sensitive areas. 

the love making between you two continued, you kept your legs around your lover and let him shove his cock up into you. the kissed became heavier as the pleasure bloomed in your body. you panted a little between kisses and knew that orgasm was creeping up on you. there was something about simon that made you hot all over. he knew exactly how to love you.

  “i love you.” he said softly. he placed his hands closer to your head and kissed you softly between heavy thrusts. his whispered praises you could barely hear against your neck as he felt the sweat on his back, his entire body felt hot but it was also an amazing feeling.  he muttered, “i'm close.” and picked up his pace. 

you met his thrusts and let the pleasure melt in your body. you clutched onto him and tightened your legs around his waist. your gummy walls felt so good around him and he buried his face in your neck as he gave a few more powerful thrusts. he came inside of you with a shudder but kept up the pace of his thrusts until you came as well. you held onto him, nails dug into his shoulders as you arched you back a little. 

simon slowed down his pace until it came to a stand still with his softening cock still inside of you. the blond wiped the sweat from his forehead as he pulled you in for another hot kiss. he then slowly pulled out and took hold of you. his strong arms around you as you laid on top of the covers. his legs tangled in yours as you both tried to catch your breath.

  “i don't think you're a scary dog, si.” you yawned as you got comfortable. 

simon chuckled, his brown eyes slightly closed, “oh yeah? all the tattoos and dark clothes aren't scary enough for ya?”

you turned over to face him and presses a kiss on his crooked nose, “nope, because i know once we get out of bed you'll be getting me my favorite bowl and two healthy scoops of cookies n' cream ice cream.” then beamed at him. 

  “ah well, of course. only the best for my girl.” he kissed you on the cheek. he may be scary to everyone, but to you he was just a little lap dog. <3

[cattonicdragon]

Man your work is great :D could you do Astrid hiccup tuffnut ruffnut and snotlout with a small jolly reader(4 feet tall) that riders screaming death or a titan wing catastrophic quaken.(I just like the this short joyful person next a GIANT creature that looks like it squash you like a bug it's just a bit funny to me XD)

Astrid,hiccup,the twins(separately) and snotlout x reader who’s a short ball of joy and rides a screaming death

Decided to do screaming death cus I love them

<<WARNINGS:abit of angst,snotlout not likeing spitelout,mentions of injuries(dragons mainly),snotlout needs a hug,spelling errors probally>>can you tell I don’t know how to do warnings?

HAS BEEN PROOF-READ

Astrid

She is absolutely stunned

Your so tiny.and yet you managed to tame the screaming death

She nearly had a heart attack the first time stormfly and the screaming death play fought,she still nearly dose after she gets used to them

She knows your screaming death won’t hurt stormfly,but as the good dragon rider she is she gets worried for her dragon

She may not admit it but she’s extremely cocky over the fact that one of the dragon riders on their side managed to tame the screaming death,with is defiantly no easy feat 💀

She genuinely questions you on how on earth you managed to tame the screaming death

She’s amused by the size difference between you and your dragon

Little ball of joy and a island destroying demon/pos

Due to your small size she can easily pick you up

She picks you up under your arms and you can only dangle there

You’ll just have to hope your screaming death is feeling nice and might scare Astrid to put you down

Don’t think you being small is all fun though.

Is stormfly is particularly pissed off by the screaming death she will pick you up by the scruff of the neck and run/fly off with you

A chase will ensue,that may or may not have to end up with hiccup and/or having to sort it out

She admires how you can stay so sweet and joyful

She may or may not admit it but she adores your personality,in hard times you can seem like a bright light in a endlessly dark hallway,and she couldn’t be more grateful

Hiccup

Also nearly has a heart attack

The screaming death defiantly had some bad blood with him and toothless

But with you,it’s like a big cat/dog and almost completely docile

How?

Ok well maybe the fact that he made the screaming death plummet face first into a rock wouldn’t help

Your tinny compared to hiccup and even tinier compared to the screaming death

He worries that you may become a large target for dragon hunters

Toothless and the screaming death,don’t exactly get along

I mean years of hatred and bad blood isn’t going to fix easily…

But the you and hiccup will find them curled up together

You don’t understand them but that’s ok

He asks if he can examine the screaming death,or maybe ride it.riding is a less likely option though 💀

He will wince or cringe if he sees any scars or damage he may have caused

He can relate to you being positive and joyful alot

But can also be abit jealous,how can you stay so joyful even in some of the most stressfull situations

He’s so unimaginabley grateful that your there for him during the entire time

You decrease his stress tones

It also feels like a weight off of his shoulders with the burden of having such a great relationship with a endangered and powerful dragon,you’ll stick together and get through it though

He also picks you up,and makes fun of your height.

Ruffnut

Probally one of the only ones who dosnt almost have a heart attack

If anything she’s jealous that you managed to tame such a cool and destructive dragon

Begs asks if she can have a ride just one please?

Will try everything and anything with the screaming death

You will need to supervise 24/7 sorry not sorry

She brags about you all the time

She loves your short size and will toss you over her shoulder/hold you like a log

She’s teases you about your size WAY to much,please tell her to put a sock in it T.T

Barf,belch and the screaming death become the faces of Loki day

Barf and belches personality might have slightly affected your dragon but oh well

Loves to cause distruction with you

If you don’t go on a mission she’s not going either,even if tuffnut begs.

She enjoys your joyful personality and loves that there’s someone that slightly carefree

She also feels like she can be more reckless now that there’s a island destroying dragon on the riders team

You will have to keep an eye on her,or lecture her.either works

Will Loki you hard,unless the screaming death is around.she dosnt want to become 🧀 today thanks

Tuffnut

Also dosnt get a heart attack

Instead he gets destructive zoomies

He begs you,like hands and knees and everything

For one chance to either ride or cause destruction with the screaming death

Jokes on you though if you say yes to either,the other will happen anyways.there’s no winning in this situation sorry

Surprisingly knows when to give the screaming death space

He’s reckless but sensible

Will bribe the screaming death to go on destructive trips constantly

He makes fun of your height,more than ruffnut

Chiken and the screaming death surprisingly get along the best,unlikely but wholesome friendship for the win

Chiken by proxy loves you a lot aswell

So if tuffnut loses chiken he checks you and the screaming death basically first

Somehow carries around a stall with him so you can get to high places when need be

Will kick ruffnut off barf and belch for a ride if you asked

Man Is whipped for you

Don’t leave tuffnut alone with the screaming death though,either he or someone else will die

He at some point becomes something of a second rider to the screaming death,it’s a lot of bribing and treats though and also the fact that he encourages the screaming deaths destructive tendencies

He likes your joyful ness,will also try to bribe you to help him get out of situations he gets himself into

Snotlout

Probally faints during first encounter

Is very worried for everyone’s saftey,it’s a similar situation as to when they took in the injured singetail

Complains a lot about the fact that allowed to bring the SCREAMING DEATH to berk/the edge

He admires you Aton

Your short,shorter then him and look at you go!

Gets a bit jealous of you and may think he’s not good enough

Give him a hug :(

One time during the longest day he ended up snuggling against the screaming death,and survived.after that day they grew abit closer which was sweet

He enjoys your optimism and it’s a good balance since he can be abit pessimistic sometimes

If his dad ever comes to visit and your around he finds himself gravitating towards you,he feels safe with you

Hook fang and the screaming death like tug of war.why?,who knows

They like to play catch with each other aswell,again no idea why

He asks if you want to ride with him and hookfang quite a lot,it’s his way of non verbally getting recognition and validation

He finds himself being a lot less pessimistic when your around and just in general,your jolly personality is infective and effective

He likes to just hug you when he’s feeling down of tired

He picks you up places you in places where you can’t get down easily

He pisses off the screaming death.quite a lot

He likes writing books for you and indulging in your hobbies aswell

Shows you off a ton,as long as you don’t mind though,he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable

He likes knitting things for you

He also likes it when you both are in the same room,you can be doing something different or even just being quiet,as long as your there he doesn’t mind

He likes to spar alot aswell,but he never lets it get to the point where either of you get hurt

He’s very protective of you despite the fact he dosnt really need to be

He just cares alot

[tired-biscuit]

18+ / fem!reader

ok but bakugou with a bimbo!reader as a girlfriend?

honestly, he might seem mean, stoic and perhaps even humourless to others, however he simply adores you and turns all sorts of soft and gooey underneath all that hard exterior whenever he lays his eyes on you: his sweet little girlfriend.

you're just too precious not to love. all dolled up and smelling sweet like sugar and ripe summer fruit no matter the time of day or activity, you make him want to eat you right up just because of how simply adorable you are without even trying; outright make him want to lick his fingers clean right after. one after the other.

constantly getting lost and being so clearly ditzy, he insists on protecting you at all costs so that he can keep you close and, even more importantly, safe. he does that on the regular, of course - being a pro hero and all - however the skirts you wear despite the cold weather outside are so short that he feels the need to stand behind you in public even when he's not on the job; making sure that nobody can ever steal a peek of your cutesy underwear that you wear underneath.

those are for his eyes only, after all. only for his hands to touch and for his teeth to jokingly tug at until it's not all that funny anymore and thick tension rises between you.

and sure, bakugou knows that you're able to protect yourself from the perverts and the odd, borderline obsessed fans of his - to some degree. he's taught you some basic self-defence moves over the months, and made sure to beat it into your pretty little head that you are to keep the pepper spray - the one he got you as a "present" a little while after he'd reluctantly made your relationship official on live television - nice and secure in your comically small handbag, however the need to keep you from harm's way is simply too strong to ignore.

because clearly, you're just too naive to notice danger in a way he is able to. too nice to say a definite 'no' to a sleazy creep before it's a little too late. i mean, what if someone were to take advantage of you? hurt you? he couldn't possibly bear the consequences. not a man like him. no, no.

but it's okay, that's why you've got him - the big, strong pro hero, right at your side like a scary guard dog of sorts that will roll onto its back only for you. you've got his mean stare that he aims, oh, so expertly at the people that wish to bother you, but that he never, never points at you. his low hiss of warning that's accompanied with an even quieter threat of broken bones, which he always makes extra sure you can't hear him say, much less execute. his big, protective hand on the small of your back; thick fingers stroking, reassuring. his lips touching your temple whenever no one is looking, a mere ghost of a kiss placed on your skin as a silent reminder of his love for you. of his male pride and naturally embedded possessiveness.

and he actually does love you, he truly does. he loves how simple things with you are, how you just let him take care of you and spoil you rotten because you know it makes him feel needed; that it gives him purpose. how you run up to him, all eager and excited, and nearly throw yourself at him to squeeze him into a hug, not caring if anyone sees. how you bat your eyelashes up at him so sweetly as you touch his biceps and tell him how strong he is after he returns from the gym.

he loves how you always wait for him to come back after work even if he's told you a million times that you don't have to stay up, giving the big house a sense of home as you wash his hair for him after brushing him off with a giggle. loves how you scrub away the dirt and grime afterwards, and kiss every single one of his scars that dot his arms and chest inside the candle-lit bathroom, whose ambiance he can't help but find sort of corny even though he secretly enjoys it nonetheless.

and he also loves how much you blatantly love him in return, too. he loves your little good morning texts that are filled to the brim with sparkly heart emojis, as well as all of the surprise visits to his agency. he loves your lousy sugar cookies and your seemingly never-ending affection. how you never seem to even think about giving up on him, even if he's, let's be honest, an absolute pain in the ass.

and that's not all. he also loves how good you respond to him; to his touches. how you stare up at him with wide heart eyes whenever he's in the mood and his warm hands begin to stroke your body in a way that means something more. loves how you whimper so softly and mewl like a little kitten whenever he turns you around and mounts you like the big beast he is compared to you; red eyes watching as your pretty nails start clawing at the expensive bed sheet because of his slow, tired rhythm that reaches deep into your heart, soul, womb, but never your brain.

he loves how eager you are to please him. how you have absolutely no problem stroking his ego in the same way you also stroke his cock whenever he asks for it. how you open up for him any place, any time, with no trouble whatsoever; your body so pliant and soft just for him to devour.

he loves how his name sounds broken as you try to moan it out whilst you're bouncing on top of him and he spanks your ass and calls you a dumb slut. how your eyes roll into the back of your head as he pushes forward and puts you in a mating press a moment later. how tears roll down your cheeks as you choke on his length when he asks you to suck him off at the end, and how you accept a hefty amount of inches down your throat even if the mascara and glitter of your pretty make up makes your eyes burn.

and god, he adores how silly you look afterwards; completely fucked out of your ditzy mind as he cradles you to sleep, subtly ignoring how sticky you both are because of all the cum between your legs. you'll shower and change the bedding in the morning. he can't even be bothered to wipe away the sweat from his face, much less move you - that's how tight of a hold you've got on him.

and as he stares down at you, looking at your satisfied smile that's adorning your lips, katsuki thinks you're just so dumb. constantly giggly and almost painfully girlish, you're nothing but an airhead, really. much to everyone's surprise, however, he finds it sort of endearing.

you're his little airhead. and he loves you so much.

reblogs are appreciated <3

[helloiamadrawer]

Goku/Reader Fluff and Comfort Hc's

Big sweet saiyan loves to cuddle after a hard day of training (ofc he's going to wash up first before he hops into bed with you) and he's like a big warm teddy bear to hug and snuggle with eeee 💕

Finds it cute/funny when you try to be the big spoon, you're just so smol compared to him its adorable

Coming in frustrated from a complicated day at work? Goku will sit you down and let you vent about it to him or if you want to let out some anger maybe some sparring or needed training to boost your power level, it reminds him of another friend he has who always tries to surpass him and has a big attitude (cough cough Vegeta)

If baking is your outlet for stress or if you just like doing it as a side hobby, Goku makes it a bit more fun, I mean trying to maneuver his big, muscly body around yall's small kitchen, bumping into everything, taking caution to not knocking anything over cause it might make you mad is really comedy gold!

"Oh crap! I broke one of the plates again, sorry baby 🥺" "It's fine Goku, that one was just one someone gave to me when we moved in, I didn't like it anyway." 🤣

9/10 for help though, although you had to tell him the difference between a baking spatula and a spatula tho but that's about it. He'll go fetch some ingredients for you if you don't have any or ran out. You two did make the most awesome peach cobbler though uwu

The biggest pair of puppy dog eyes he gives you when he asks you if he can lick the spoon 🥺

Gives gooood shoulder massages 💯 if you're really tense/tired after your daily life activities, he'll even offer to give massages after training and you're here thinking: how does this man have the energy?? we just sparred for a good hour '

One time you asked your sweet bf if you could touch his hair, it went something like this:

"You want to touch my hair?" Goku=cutely confused "yea..I understand if you don't want me to, I was just wondering cause it looks so soft." Goku:"Well, you can go ahead :) I don't mind."

Your hand rises up to the top of his head (he has to bend down halfway to meet your height level cause he's almost 6 foot 😂) as you pet his jet black hair, and to your surprise it was really soft, just like you had hoped for.

"What kind of shampoo do you use babe?"you asked curiously. "Umm..it was actually one of Bulma's new conditioners, I accidentally used it instead of my usual hair hair soap." he chuckles, "What is my hair like super soft now--huh?"before he could finish his sentence, your whole face was in his hair lmaoo, you couldn't help it, it was like you were in a cloud, a fluffy cloud that gave off the scent of linen and waterfalls.

Speaking of waterfalls, he flew you to the most beautiful nature trail, you never even knew that this universe had one until Goku mentioned to you that there was a Namekian who literally knew the whole status of the universe along with the supreme kai. But wow, was it amazing to behold with your own eyes, vibrant flowers were scattered across the land, along with the mingling sounds of birds and let's not forget the waterfall..

You two trudged upon a hill and there it was, you could not believe your eyes, it had to be the most biggest one in the whole multiverse. "Isn't it awesome?" Goku asked, "I was thinking I could take you here since you like nature a whole lot.". The Saiyan sure does think about you a whole lot which is sweet. You hum in agreement and sit down to watch the endless display of nature's art, your boyfriend follows suit and swings his arm around you pulling you close to him. "We should do this more often" You sigh in content leaning in to the Saiyan's touch. Goku gives you a peck on the head as you two sit back and enjoy the sounds and each other's company.

enjoy! thank you for reading!

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

I CAME AND I SAW THAT U WERE ALSO INFECTED WITH THE SILLY PUPPET THING,WELCOME..TO THE COMMUNITY! (Get it?)

May I request some headcanons of Barnaby,Sally and Wally meeting a Very Old Goose Puppet Y/n? Just this worn out,Raggedy and Intimidating Goose Grandparent who then absolutely babies them and teaches them self defense tricks,making them soup,maybe they worked as some sort of guard or security! Just pepaw/granny goose caring over these silly puppets.also like they could be going round the forest and a feral bear pops up,Pepaw Goose just turns around and hiss at it and the bear scampers off while Pepaw is like “Anyways-“ (Thoight would be funny because Geese are used as Guard animals)

Have a nice day! ^^ or night if it’s late!

Yeah!! I was genuinely surprised at the amount of Wally x Reader stuff here but I'm all for it!

Also ngl I've been playing a lot of Untitled Goose Game recently so,,, this ask couldn't have come at a better time /pos

........

Barnaby

Honestly, when this lad first saw you emerge from the woods...he was about to run back home with his tail tucked between his legs. You gave him quite a fright!

You were a goose who was about Poppy's height--if not taller--with ragged greyed feathers and [e/c] eyes that look nearly bloodshot, your legs and bill having stitches, and some loose stuffing falling out of your main body.

All in all...you had a very intimidating disposition.

But when you approach Barnaby, it turns out you're just returning one of his juggling pins that he accidentally flung out into the forest.

"You best keep an eye on your juggling kits, dear." You speak in a gentle, raspy voice.

"Th-Thanks...are you from the barn too?"

"A different one. I used to be a guard for the little gooselings and other farm animals in my prime years but---oh..how about we walk and talk, hm? Do you live close by?"

And that's how Barnaby got to know you! He felt bad for judging you by your appearance, as while you look scary..you're just a sweet ol' geeser (yes he's made that pun a few times and you love it) whose kind heart and soul haven't gone anywhere.

You've come to care for everybody in the neighborhood, especially the big blue dog who sometimes gets into accidents while performing stunts.

In those cases, you always know how to nurse him back to health.

At some point, he and everybody else start to see you as a grandparent, calling you [Pa/Ma]...which makes you especially happy.

Sally

When you were younger, you saw her descend to earth, thinking it was just an ordinary shooting star.

You made a wish that you'll be able to find some good friends to spend the rest of your days with. Being a geese guard was a lonely job sometimes..

Many years later, you see that same star--now one who walked and talked--strolling through the forest near your barn. And you were ecstatic, wanting to introduce yourself!

Even though Sally's never met you till now, she's flattered to learn you wished upon her....and even happier to know she made that wish come true!

Your initial appearance surprised her, but she's eager to run back to town and introduce you to everyone!

So that's where you two head to, though as you're both talking (which is mostly her rambling about the next play she's performing tonight), an aggressive bear suddenly leaps out and roars, frightening her-

Until you hiss at it, extending your wings in a threatening manner, which immediately drove the beast back into the woods.

Then you turn back to the gawking star with the sweetest, most apologetic smile. "I'm sorry about that, dearie..do continue."

And she does for a little while, but you end up using that bear encounter as a teaching moment, showing her (and the others once you meet them) how to best defend themselves against possible bear attacks (or any wild animal attack in general). You made it your mission to keep these young folks safe.

Sally would definitely incorporate these lessons into her plays, which you grew to adore, refusing to miss a single one.

Wally

It was actually Poppy who introduced you to the gang, since you've watched over the barn she's lived in since she was a little baby bird. She basically considers you her parent.

You helped her out with her anxiety issues and baking mishaps over the years, so everybody warms up to you quick after learning your ties to each other.

Wally's no different. He's not too intimidated by your height nor raggedy feathers (man knows to respect his elders).

If anything, he's impressed that your felt and stuffing are still keeping you together, but offers to help you get patched up.

"Oh thank you, sweetie!" You croon. "You know..this town is blessed to have such a kind and handsome gentleman like yourself here."

Hearing that instantly melted his heart.

Soon enough, you get acquainted with the others and take care of them if they need help with anything.

Within the neighborhood, you ensure no wildlife breaks into the grocery store and makes off with any food (especially apples), always keeping watch.

Wally admires your nurturing and protective nature, knowing you're a very wise bird who offers the best advice..

Whenever he's lost on inspiration for art projects or just...feeling stressed over whatever, you're there to help him how ever you can.

When he got caught out in a rainstorm and got sick one day, you made him some delicious soup that helped him feel better within hours.

And of course, Home's happy to see you taking care of their owner. So you're always welcomed inside.

[storiesbyjes2g]

3.145 Escape plan

After fixing the sink and mopping the puddle pooling at my feet, I went outside to tend to the money tree and clean up after the dogs. Sometimes they did their business in the yard, but most times they did it on the porch, and I kinda hated it. But what do you do, right? At least they went outside. I kept yawning on my way back inside. It wasn't even 9 p.m. yet, and I heard my bed calling. I couldn't turn in that early, but I was so ready to close my eyes. Desiree was such a good baby and slept most of the night, so I didn't think I was sleep deprived, but maybe I needed to rest, just like Sophia. But she did all of the work, so what reason did I have to be so tired? They say things change when we get older, but surely my body hadn't changed so drastically mere days after my birthday. I shook all of those thoughts away when I saw Chi Chi climbing the steps to knock on our door.

"You're not one of those entrepreneurs trying to sell us something, are you?" I asked.

"Ha ha ha! You're so funny! What are you doing out here?"

"I kinda live here."

"Okay, funny man!"

"Come on in. I was about to have dinner."

She joined me at the table and caught me up on her life. She was like a vampire taking off in bat form, telling me about this date she went on in record speed. Apparently it was a proper date date, which led me to assume they'd been talking for a little while. They had a good time, and she looked forward to seeing him again. But with Eleanor gone, and Karmine grown and talking about moving out, she'd been kind of lonely lately and thought it was time to consider her own future. It had always been her plan to remarry, but was he the guy? Was it too early to think about it? Clearly, the situation made her very anxious, and I identified with that big time. But she was a strong, confident, gorgeous woman, so I was certain she'd have it all figured out soon. In the meantime, I was happy for her and hoped their one date would blossom into something totally unexpected and beautiful.

I didn't make a habit of looking back and wondering how my life would have turned out if I chose another woman, but every now and then, the thought ran across my mind. Whenever I thought about a potential life with Chi Chi, I always ended up being glad we were never anything more than friends. Apart from not knowing how I'd fare with a ready-made family, I don't know how I would survive her mouth. I could imagine myself spending a lot of time away from home just to escape all the talking.

Sophia finally came downstairs and saved me from all the words flying at me at a million miles per hour. I bet she was hiding from Chi Chi under the guise of tending to Desiree, heh.

"Oh my goodness, hiiiiiiiii," Chi Chi said, jumping up and pouncing on her. "You look sooo good! You don't even look like you had a baby!"

"Uhh...thanks."

"Is she asleep? Can I see her??"

"Of course," Sophia said. "Come on up."

I followed them and stared longingly at our bedroom door as I trudged by. Would it be rude if I left them alone and disappeared? After all, Chi Chi came to see Desiree, not me. But she was my friend, not Sophia's, even though they had developed a friendship. Sophia wouldn't appreciate me doing that, so I joined them in the nursery where Chi Chi squealed and oooh'd and ahhhh'd over Desi's cuteness and how adorable the nursery was.

Ever since Desi met Maira, I paid attention to how she acted around new sims, and so far she'd only ever acted up with Maira, and that bothered me so much. What was it?? Part of me hoped to never find out and that everything would be peachy when she got older. But the part of me who was very much my mother's child wanted tea.

[a-not-so-clean-blog]

Nu carnival x werewolf reader

Sfw 🤍 version, gn

Yakumo

You met while he was still living with his grandparents on the farm. You met in human form but we're too nervous to interact. Not until some bandits were targeting his grandparents and you couldn't help but shift into your giant beastly form to scare them off. It worked but before you could slip away Yakumo followed you to say thank you. He hates confrontation and loves how you can protect him without actually having to hurt people. You make him feel safe. Oh and he loves to pet your fur!

Edmond

He was originally tasked with hunting you down when your wolf form scared the citizens. When he found you and actually talked to you you opened up and got close. He hunted a mutant wolf instead to protect you when he realized you weren't an actual threat. He loves your company when he has night patrols in either form. He appreciates how protective you can be but he struggles with expressing his affections and gratitude.

Olivine

He thought you were a church grim at first. A big dark wolf like dog who protects the church. He was embarrassed to find out you were a werewolf and not a grim. It's a cute name though so eventually it becomes his nickname for you. Rumors spread how the church and priest are protected by a fierce grim so now people leave you alone in your wolf form thinking you were sent by the god of Klein as a protector. You don't mind the rumors though. People don't mess with you much anymore because now they see you as a protector.

Quincy

For a guy that spends all his time in the woods he has never met someone quite like you before. If you fall asleep with Topper he thinks that is the cutest thing in the world, and will definitely nap right along with the two of you. His instincts in the woods are just as sharp as yours are but it's nice to have company that respects nature as much as he does. He likes how you can easily take care of yourself and he doesn't have to worry about you.

Kuya

He makes it very clear that yokai are more impressive than werefolk. Always bringing up how you don't have magic and calling you “puppy” because you aren't a few hundred years old like he is. He's just trying to get a rise out of you. He likes being able to watch you shift between your forms, and does actually respect you even though he refuses to show it. Your senses are sharp and you can actually tell when he's casting an illusion. That he finds extremely impressive and will brag about.

Blade

He thinks you are the cutest thing ever, both forms, always. Big razor sharp claws, adorable and he wants to hold hands. A maw filled with teeth like arrowheads, cute enough to kiss. Big intimidating frame, more to cuddle. He will smother you with love and affection if you let him. It's kind of funny when a stranger calls you scary and he is genuinely confused and asks how. He didn't even realize you hade more than one form because he recognizes people from their essence rather than sight, and your essence is the same in both forms.

Garu

Wolf? Wolf! He is so happy to have you as a partner! Both of you have similar instincts and can read each other's reactions immediately. Your wolf form makes him feel safer and he loves watching your tail wag when you're happy. He likes your human form too but he finds human body language harder to read so he prefers your wolf form. He wants to know how you're feeling.

Karu

Hunting dates! He loves your wolf form so much, but it did scare him a little in the beginning. Not that he'll ever admit he was scared. Also he says because you are a werewolf you are better than the other humans around. He's trying to say he sees you as an equal as best as he can. He actually warms up to you faster in your human form but he admires your powerful wolf form so much.

Dante

You were probably brought to the palace in your wolf form when some guards thought you were just a beast. They brought you to Dante because of his beast taming. No one expected you two to start dating. It makes sense though with both of you being protective and respecting each other's strength. He doesn't treat you like a monster and genuinely values you as a person. His guards have also gotten stronger since you arrived because he punishes them with training if he heard anyone call you a beast or monster.

Rei

I will come back and edit this if I can ever think about anything other than ‘he wants to study you’. Yeah I know I need to re play his story to get more of his characterization.

Eiden

He’s seen so many different creatures in this world that you being a werewolf does not even faze him anymore. Some of the clan members may be a little jealous that you and Eiden are so close despite you not having a gem. Whatever though, Eiden likes you just the way you are so the others are just going to have to get over it.

Aster

You may come to the manor looking like a wolf but will leave looking like a poodle. Lord help whatever poor soul who says you are scary or ugly or really anything about your appearance. Aster is going to ruin their lives. Even if you have thick skin or ignore insults he does not. No one is allowed to be rude to his partner. He loves when you play with his pups and he blushes if you say the two of you are like parents.

Morvay

More forms means more fun! Even for wholesome reasons. He loves when you are in wolf form and he is in his little bat bear form and it's just a big cuddle pile. It looks like when one of those big dogs has a tiny little stuffed animal toy from an outside perspective, very cute. Aster let's you stay at the manor only because Morvay begged and Asters wolves like you. He is used to gathering blackmail on people because of Aster, so if anyone is mean to you he is more than happy to give some juicy info to Aster.

[blackmambaboobs]

I just think it'd be really funny to see the mercs with a horrible little creachur of a partner. Just watching them scurry around biting people and stealing shiny things like "Haha yeah that's my wonderful partner :)"

You mean m e? TF2 Mercs X Gender Neutral Goblin Reader Headcanons: Scout: -He doesn't understand you most of the time, especially with the biting-people-thing, but loves you, regardless! -When it's a special occasion, he'll give you shinies and other things he thinks you would like!! -He doesn't warn people that you bite just to see their reaction and d i e from laughter at their confusion. -Because you run around like him, you often chase each other like crack-taking Cats. Spy: -He's bewildered by your shenanigans, and often just stares at you with confusion. -When he sees you running around biting people, he just sighs and takes a drink of his wine. -Since you like shiny things, he'll get you jewelry and other shiny things that suit your tastes, making sure it's the best quality. -He does think you're adorable even though you act like you're constantly on Catnip or some shit- Heavy: -You know those big Dogs that just watch the smaller Dog go crazy while they're laying down or something? Yeah, that's you and Heavy. -He'll scold you for biting people, but turns around and sees you doing it anyways and just s i g hs. -He's thinks you're so cute especially when you get excited over the fact that a simple thing like a bottle cap makes you happy- -He often has to tell you to be careful when running around, worried that you'll fall or hurt yourself in some other way. Medic: -Matches your energy, except when he's working. -He often thinks of you as a Dove with how you bring him shinies and other little things. -He'll often find little bottle caps and give them to you, loving to watch your face light up with happiness. -Thinks you're the cutest thing, oh my g o d- -Loves that you bite people and simply laughs at your antics. Demoman: -Regardless if sober or drunk, he loves your personality and desire to bite people. -He'll laugh so hard from you doing stupid shit that he falls over and practically pisses himself. -He'll give you the bottle caps from his alcohol bottles and loves that you get excited from a simple thing like that- -If you run around, please don't run around him while he's drunk, he'll puke- Pyro: -Matches your energy and actively encourages it- -Likes to find shinies with you and give you them when they find some!! -Claps happily when you successfully bite someone (especially when it's the same person). -You Guys chase each other until you tire yourselves out. -Thinks you're so precious and loves you so much- Engineer: -Loves ya', but wishes you'd be more careful with running around, especially when it comes to his machines. -He scolds you often, but then you give him your best puppy eyes and he can't fight back- -He'll also scold you for biting people, but not because of the fact you're biting someone, but because you don't know what the person may have- -He thinks you're the cutest thing though and wouldn't change you for nothing- Soldier: -He supports you in your Goblinness and cheers you on when you're able to bite someone!! -Gives you little shines and other things he finds, presenting it to you on one knee like the Dork he is- -He'll make everyone look at you like "Look at my wonderful little creature of a partner!! Appreciate them!! >:(" -Loves your energy and how you scurry around- Sniper: -So fucking confused by you and your antics, but leaves you be. -Sees you as a weird Cat and leaves it at that- -He'll give you random things he finds and loves how you react and can't help but m e l t. -He'll tell you not to bite people just in case they try to hurt you- -He laughs when you scurry around and do your usual weird shit, he appreciates that you are yourself, even if he doesn't understand it-

[hellcatinnc]

Bungo Stray Dogs Season 1 Anime Review

Does Include Spoilers....

Ok so I started watching Bungo Stray Dogs and like most I started because of Dazai. He was sexy and even with his wish for suicide he just got to me. Then I watched the first season and was so happy I did it pulled me in fast. Dazai quickly lost the main reason for the show for me it honestly became my favorite character in first season being Atsushi Nakajima. He had so much heart and compassion that the rest lost so long ago. He made me feel as he learned who he was and who he could help. I grew a strong liking to the character and even shipped him with Kyōka Izumi the way he saved her and even the fact he took her on a date they were just too adorable not to love. Ranpo Edogawa caught my interest mainly cause the voice actor Hiroshi Kamiya who played Baldr Hringhorni in Kamigami No Asobi. I was really surprised that Doppo Kunikida even grew on me and his comedian side to him of how he was with Dazai and always knocking the crap out of him but I could tell he was a good man. Anyways Kunikida's power is pretty cool "The Matchless Poet". I love how he can throw the cards out and whatever it is appears. I also think him and Dazai work so great together.

Now don't get me wrong Osamu Dazai is still a big part of the show and I found it funny how he was about the whole suicide with a beautiful woman. It left me wondering why he wanted to die so much but I know its shown as the seasons go on cause I started season 2 already and already starting to understand but I will leave that in season 2 review of it. So the relationship between Jun'ichirō Tanizaki & Naomi Tanizaki was so weird at first but fuck it I didn't even care they were siblings because not only do you easily forget but they don't look alike at all I feel like maybe there is like an adoption kinda story to them maybe. Anyways you know early on their is not only a relationship with them but its also sexual. However when she almost gets killed the way he responds to losing her and later as well he doesn't get even as a brother he gets even as a lover so I'm gonna treat them just as that fuck it, its not like sibling loves bother me much in anime/otome world. Plus not gonna lie Jun'ichiro his power "Light Snow" is pretty damn neat.

Yukichi Fukuzawa seems like a stickler in the beginning but you find he truly believes in his team and he grew on me. I felt like he cares about each and everyone of them and will fight for them at any cost. He is practically Daddy to them all and I think they would fall apart sometimes if he wasn't the lead of it all. Chūya Nakahara seems to be a cool character but of course I feel like he isn't really a main in the first season however I find him actually pretty attractive as well but I swear its how he dresses more than anything its so damn sharp looking. He gives me that true mafia/yakuza feel to how he looks and dresses. He seems to have anger issues but I love his banter between him and Dazai however I don't see this romance so many want and like. I will pass for now both men are hot and I would gladly be in between these men could make a very interesting smut story thats for sure... lol.

Michizō Tachihara seems like a crazy fuck but still pretty cool character so far based on the first season at least, look forward to seeing him more later he has my attention at least. Even though Ryūnosuke Akutagawa is an asshole in the first season he has one of the coolest powers by far his Rashōmon power like a dragon like creature that he can cut people down easily with. I feel bad for Ichiyō Higuchi because you find fast she is so damn in love with that man and he treats her like pure crap however doesn't stop her from taking on the enemies to bring him back when he is captured. The one sentimental moment where he grabs her hand after she saves him I really wanted after he told her he was sorry I wanted her to tell him she loved him I wonder if it would have changed. I feel like his issue is he doesn't even see her following to him is because she loves him. However its a very toxic relationship at least first season, I just hope it gets better because I think they would be good together plus bad guy or not he is fuckin hot too. Speaking of Ichiyō Higuchi honestly girl has some balls and she will do anything even die for that man I can respect her because she probably could have gotten out from what you get from her but she refuses to leave his side. Gin Akutagawa I still don't know much about him but still seems mysterious and attractive cause of that.

After breaking down the people that all made it interesting for me, yes I know there is more these just happen to be my list of favorites. Still amazes me a show with alot of hot bad guys kinda reminds me of Piofiore in that sense. Anyways I feel like it brings a decent amount of action however every part doesn't have to have it which I really like since I normally don't watch ones that are too heavy on it. I love Dazai's power and how he can hush any of the others with his power practically neutralizing even some of the worst bad guys. I still don't see anyone being gay and I will stand by that and I'm ok because seriously too many hot guys for me to even think about them together I would rather think about them being straight makes it easier to fantasize about them then. Overall I would gladly recommend this to anyone whether your into otome and shoujo the most I think you could still like this if nothing but the comedy side of things. I look forward to the next upcoming seasons as I catch up I will write my review on each season.

[grigori77]

Critical Role, Season 3 Episode 47

Ashley is a Big Giant Head! ASHLEY'S A BIG GIANT HEAD!!! What the ... oh gods, Sam, stop it ... more Nord VPN insanity ... and now Ashley's accent is failing spectacularly ... XD I'm collapsing. Just like Sam ...

"Search your heart-drive?"

Matt: "A well oiled ... something."

Marisha: "I have no beef with her. I'm sure she's lovely. I do play to beat her ass though."

13 days ... oh boy ... it's picking up pace now ... help ...

I like Ashley this size. She should always dominate the screen far more than all the others. She even dwarfs Matt now.

The Sablecast Grounds. Hmmm ...

And Imogen is still vomiting purple mist. XD

What's a bike?

Ashley makes the first roll of the night ... oh boy ... this never goes well ...

So that was a bust but at least they have a Stealth advantage with the fog ... but Sam's still rolling balls. XD

I'm sorry, deep growling HOOT noises? Are there owlbears in these woods?

EVERY TIME Liam rolls a Perception check, I mean come on! Why do you even ask any more? Orym is SPOOKY observant ...

Pate. Yeah. Send the rat ... wow, this transformation is HORRIBLE ... and he can't chirp, he doesn't have lips. And he flies like shit too ... XD

Uh-oh, fairy lights are never a good sign.

Aaaaaaaand now there's a creepy screeching sound ... oof ... hide, hide ...

Whoa, so the plant life here is unwelcoming go them? That's not a good sign either.

FCG is really just trusting the luck of a coin flip as divine guidance here ... yeah, this'll go GREAT.

Ashton: "I love a turtle race." XD

FCG: "Silly Imogen, it's not how the world works." Fearne: "Yeah, it's not how this flat earth works." Cue much good-natured derision from the group.

Oh ... the towers are set in a ring formation, and the Ruidus projection hangs directly over the centre of it ... that is a pretty leading sign ... oh goody, and now there's a scary big flying thing up there too ...

Ah, so Pate has no "indoor voice" ... hmmm ... "Thread the needle" ...

Dexterity of 14 for the flying rat. That's about right ... and now he's gotten got ... wait ... HE'S DEAD?!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!

Laudna can get hom back at least. After an hour of casting, but still ...

Ashley doesn't wanna roll survival anymore and I don't blame her. Oh, NICE ONE Sam! And now FCG's getting a big head about his goddess being so good at guiding him ... XD

Again Matt actually ASKS Liam what he rolled on perception ... that's getting so funny to me ... XD

Another group Stealth roll ... Sam: "Thank you Changebringer." XD But yeah, that is a collectively AMAZING group check ...

Fearne speaks Sylvan! Whoa ... Nice one, Ashley!

All right, this is obviously a total Unseelie WILD Hunt kind of situation, right? I mean, they're SURE DRESSED FOR IT.

Hide or go? What to do ... oh no, another stealth check ... argh ... oh shit ... just about everybody rolls sweet but then Taliesin TOTALLY TANKS IT ... oh fuck ...

QUICKSAND!!! GAH!!!

Oh sure. CUT OFF HIS LEG. That'll TOTALLY help ...

And now the ground is EATING ASHTON'S LEG!!! IT'S EATING HIS LEG, PEOPLE!!!

Strength check ... oh boy ... 10? Really? Oh fuck, now he's getting pulled in even more ...

Invisible Chetney tries to use ball bearings as a distraction ... ooh, this could work ... hmm ... Holy fuck, that was BEAUTIFUL how well that worked ...

Dispel Magic don't do shit ... it's a creature! Oh wait! "The Iron Tithe?" OH YEAH!!! Do that! A bag of jacks saves the day. Surreal.

FCG: "Say a quick prayer with me!" Cue blank, unimpressed stares, particularly from Imogen.

The Shivering Keep ... they made it ...

Sam: "It was Liam totally anticipating your grossness." Liam: "Tell us about the Labia Wall, please."

Travis: "A faceless whippet. That's wild."

OF COURSE Fearne just finds this thing adorable ... ah, Laudna gets it ... an Eremad? "You can never hide from the Eremad." Well that's just lovely ...

FCG: "Dogs hate cats and mailmen, so Fearne could be a cat ... mailman ..." Yeah ...

Sam, what the fuck ... the flask is just WEIRD tonight ...

Imogen: "We should have just gotten captured and then we could have just gotten in." Hmmm ...

FCG: "You mean we should be as charming as Josh Gad to beat the evil Eremad?" Oh boy ...

Laura is seriously suggesting they try LOOKING FOR GAPS IN THE WALL like in Labyrinth ...

Oh boy ... puzzles are HARD ...

Sam: "What are you saying, Ashley Johnson?" Ashley: "Oh, I'm just frumfering over here." Sam: "Is this situation making you wanna say Egad?"

Chetney is literally shouting: "Hey! Over here!" and taking off running ... and then changing into a werewolf and saying: "You should come too!"

They're used to werewolves here in the Fey Realm. Oh yeah ...

Invisible Laudna Spiderclimbing with an invisible Orym on her back ... yeah ...

A finished Malleus Key! Not good!

Laura: "Aww, they're so cute!" Travis (chuckling): "Scratching the side of its no-face."

Chetney's attempt at a distraction is hilariously pitiful. Howl ... Imogen: "Oh no, Chet got captured." A different howl. Imogen: "Oh no, Chet got embarrassed."

They're making this so much more complicated than it already is and I love it ...

Six guards on three sides ... Sam: "666 ..." Slow descent into exasperated laughter ...

A ghostly taxman? Okay ...

FCG banishes the guard ... one minute for that ... okay, that's it then. Ticking clock ...

Busted! Oh wait ... Imogen casts Inflict Wounds! That's a ... NO. Hmmm ... ah, Chetney to the rescue! NAT 20!!! Beautiful! AND Fearne uses Hold Person on him TOO!!! Wow ...

Both the guards are now locked in The Hole. That was FANTASTIC.

Sam: "That plan went smoother tha a mattress pad!" Laura (very half-hearted): "Have no fear against ... the Eremad ..."

OTOHAN IS HERE!!! FUCK!!!

This description ... whoa, is this guy like AN ARCHFEY?!!!

Seminar?

Whoa ... oh, Otohan's gone ... well that's not so bad ... oh fuck ... the flying beast ... WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS THING?!!!

Oh yeah, this thing is NIGHTMARE FUEL ...

Oh, SAMMINAR. Okay ...

Laura needs TO GO. Orym: "All right, Imogen, quick, off into the bushes!" Imogen: "Yeah, I know, I'm gonna go in the bushes and take a piss." Sam: "Can you cast Piss Without A Trace?"

Matt takes this as his cue and decides it's time for a break ...

After laying it out for them ... Matt: "What do you want to do?" Laura gives a VERY nervous laugh ... yeah ...

Liam: "Has Imogen finished tinkling yet? I'm asking the DM."

Ah yes. Time for the cloaks. Yes. Do that.

Travis: "No, I don't give a shit about your monkey." Ashley: "No, I know you don't!"

Even Matt doesn't know what Level Fearne is now because of multiclassing ... bad DM, bad ...

Oh yeah, FCG can't breathe so he could go in the Hole indefinitely. FCG: "Cuz I'm not a real person." Imogen: "No, you ARE!" Awwwwww ... but also XD ...

Oh yes, let Ashton smash another Lens. For a GOOD CAUSE this time znd not just being his belligerent self. XD

"Dynamite's probably better than termites." Yeah ...

Floating hamster ... A VERY UNHAPPY floating hamster ... Marisha: "Wait, what if I just popped her in my mouth?" Oh my gods ...

Liam: "If I were to, say, offer to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge, would you be interested?"

Oh, and now they have two suits of creepy Fey armour ...

Awwwwwww ... slow loris ... wait, ARE THEY actually tiny havoc beasts? I thought they were just cute little things ... well, I suppose a Fearne version WOULD be a potentially nasty little shit if it wants to be. XD

Natural 20? DAMN Laudna, you sneaky!

OOOH!!! BATTLEMAP!!! OH MY GOD IT'S INSANE!!! Laura: "Oh my God, it's scarier than I thought!" Yes. Yes it is. Hot DAMN Wizzkids, you got MAD SKILLS!!!

Wow ... that's A LOT of setup ...

How to get inside the machine ... squeezy squeezy ... Laudna is gonna "get real flat" ... yeah, creepy dead womzn contortions for the win, apparently ...

Making my way ...

Fearne scurriness ... here we go ... going in from the ground ... be sneaky, Ashley! Athletics Check ... hmm ... 7? Oof ... shit! Noise! Argh ... OH SHIT!!! Eremad! Gah!

Oh thank gods, that was a MUCH BETTER roll ... phew ... oh dear gods that is HORRIFYING ...

Oh yeah! Is there a crown? Maybe that ... or the Arcane Cores ... hmm ...

The Loud Option. Yes.

Laudna: "Also, Fearne could fuck this up in five seconds, so we should keep that in mind." Matt: "So Fearne, what are you doing?"

Moseying to hunker ...

Magical gillie suit ... FCG: "Imogen, what are you doing?" Imogen: "I'm hiding! Shut up!"

Wait, is Laudna being PULLED INTO THE FUCKING GEARS?!!! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!! 16 points of slashing damage? Ouch ...

Orym: "How is it in there?" Laudna: "Yeah, I'm not doing that again."

Laura (laughing): "NO fucking WAY!!!" 28! I agree, Liam is a high-rolling GOD tonight ...

Because he's so teeny tiny Orym DOES NOT get ground up in the machinery. What to do now? Liam rolls a 7. Matt: "You look around and you realise ... you have NO IDEA." Yeah ... Orym's not a tech guy ...

Ah, so they're basically planning on turning this thing into A BOMB?!!! Are they fucking SERIOUS?!!!

Travis doing all the creepy demonic whispering in the background of Laudna's messages is always hilarious ...

Picking a target is HARD right now ...

Don't go deeper, Fearne, this is not ... Natural 1! AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

31 on a lockpick ... whooooooo ... and this is a STUPUD hard look too so Chetney is a sneaky GOD right now ...

PASTA DOUGH?!!! Ashton, WHAT THE FUCK?!!!

Matt: "Okay, you are DOUGHING the locking mechanism."

Oh fuck ... busted ...

Orym lights the wick ... okay HERE WE GO!!! Orym jumps off and ATTACKS at the same time! Whoa, CHAOS!!!

Shield! Phew ... oops, that's quite the alarm call!

STABBY STABBY STABBY!!! Ouch!

Seriously guys just RUN!!!

Lightning Bolt or Witchbolt? WITCHBOLT because she can twin it ... NATURAL 20!!! Laura, that is BEAUTIFUL!!!

"Dogs and cats ... living together ... mass hysteria!"

Pow!

Matt: "So, at this point in time ... I think we need to roll initiative!" Taliesin: "I'm very excited, I wanna fuck some shit up."

Orym gets slash happy while waiting for the explosion ... hmmm ... is that REALLY a good idea?

Boy, these Unseelie choads can't attack for SHIT ...

Crimson Rite on Turmoil ... ooh yeah, Chet!

Laudna Eldritch Blasts the cores! POW!!! Oh, TWO MORE!!! Crack those eggs, girl! DOUBLE POW!

FCG: "I'm stuck in the grass! My own name's coming back to haunt me!"

Spiritual Weapon ... something that machinery hates ... a cup of coffee that's gonna spill! XD Splash! Now it's all sticky! XD XD

Ooooh ... this thing is getting REALLY unstable now!

Laura's trying to do dice maths and having a tiny crisis!

"How long is this fuse?" Matt: "Well it's been about 12 seconds ..."

Holy shit, Fearne! Did she just burn down this bitch all on her own? 5D8 of Fire damage? Ooof!

Matt sends us through a crazy sound effects journey ... EVERYBODY within 20 feet us in DEEP SHIT now! FCG: "Fearne, what are you doing to us?!"

BOTH the Unseelie guys are SPLATTERED.

Holy fuck, HALF OF THE BAD GUYS are annihilated!

NOW the dynamite goes off. In a VERY anticlimactic way ...

Everything is ON FIRE now. Whoa ... Ruidus is GONE from the sky! They know something's up now! Fuck, that flying thing is COMING NOW!!!

Void Jaws?!

Fuck, Imogen's arm is INSIDE THIS THING'S empty head! Oof ... she gets it out but it's A MESS now ...

Orym flanks to protect her ... whoa, she has TWO EXTRA POINTS to her AC now because of it!

SHATTER on the dog thing? Hooo ... it fails to save ... 21 points of Thunder Damage! POW! Fuck, Chetney ANNIHILATED that fucker!

Sam: "I'm a healer!" Marisha: "You're also 300 YARDS AWAY!!!"

Ashton swings for the beasty's junk ... 19 points of damage! And another ... yeah, that just DESTROYS it. He doesn't so much swing into it as RIGHT THROUGH IT!!!

Ashton: "I'll just say for my bonus action RUN THE FUCK AWAY!!!"

Laura: "Sre we still Sympathetically Bonded?" Sam: "Yeah, but I'm so far away I can't do anything."

FCG's right, you guys need to just GET OUT OF THERE!!!

Oh shit ... that thing is HERE!!! What even IS IT?!!! Wait ... it burn its whole turn just ARRIVING?!!! A brief reprieve!

Everybody is just BOOKING IT as fast as they can! Fuck, Ashton is MOVING right now!

They're all clumped together ... FCG could just Mass Heal right now ... YES!!! And now he's just gonna SHOOT AT the freaky dragon thing? From HERE?!!!

Are you kidding me, Sam? OF COURSE that thing flies! That's the whole point!

Laura: "Um ... I'm gonna cast ..." Liam: "Hem and haw." Laura: "Shut up."

Gloamglut ... and Sorrowlord Zathuda? Yeesh ...

Oh boy ... this thing is scary ... oh shit ... WHAT A NOISE!!! YEESH!!! Dark Fire Gaze? What?

Fuck ... Fearne is OUT!!! FCG takes half the damage ... oh fuck, she's STILL UP after all, but BARELY!!! Thank you, Letters!

These guys can't shoot for shit ... aside from a graze on Orym they don't hit ANYTHING.

RUN FOR IT!!!

Everybody but Fearne and Laudna can make it yo the gate in this turn ... wait ... oh fuck, Ashton your Gravity trickery has SAVED THE FUCKING DAY!!! YEEEEEESSSSS!!!

Oh no, the dragon ... FCG throws a Shield up for Fearne ... Orym uses Seedling to grab Laudna ... oh PLEASE let this work ...

Silvery Barbs ... IT DOESN'T HIT?!!! Yeah ...

Second hit ... 25 POINTS OF DAMAGE?!!! She's out! No! Get her out of there!

They break for the treeline and HIDE!!!

Matt: "And that's where we're gonna call it a night!"

GAH!!! Cliffhanger! Fearne ... is she all right? Is she gone? Is it Thursday yet? AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!

[shadowonwater]

Pokemon Scarlet playthrough part the 9th: I avoid getting crushed by giant boulders, fighting a make-up artist, doing some cave exploring, and then fighting a really sweet wrestler.

Masterlist of my playthrough

Okay so I got a bit mixed up when I said "flying gym leader" next. It was actually flying titan next and then a gym leader whoops.

Gotta say the mountain area where you fight the giant bird? Beautiful. I love climbing up the windmills and gliding from place to place. A very good area for gliding.

I clearly saw the giant Bombirdier in the distance and I was like, yup, that's the titan. So I had to dodge some giant boulders on my way up, not the easiest thing. Gotta say, hiding behind big rocks like that reminded me of this one bit from PR: Shadows of Almia. Similar situation and all, but this time much shorter.

The bird... was very easy. I am overleved and am using an electric type against it. One hit KO.

Happy as always to help Arven's sick dog, I hope the last herb makes it all better. And now... I CAN FINALLY SWIM! Now I can get to the last titan out in the water, first I'm going to fight the Psychic Gym Leader, tho.

Arven thinks that there some sort of mental block stopping Kori from going to battle mode. Something traumatizing. Considering Kori's body language, I'd say he's correct. I'm very suspicious of his mom right now....

I haven't explored the area as thoroughly as I'd like but it's easy to get lost on where you've been and where you haven't when you include all the jumping onto high areas.

So I headed towards the city where the Psychic gym is and went into the cool cave, it seems like a really big cavernous cave. Climbed to the top and into the town. I'm happy to say I'm on level again, considering the wild Pokemon.

I caught a phony Sinistea, might try to get the real deal some other time, but this is fine for now. Also caught a Klefkey and a Banette. The Banette battle was kinda funny because it pretty much sabotaged itself.

See I was using my Clodsire, who has Yawn. I use Yawn to help me catch Pokemon by making them fall asleep. Turns out the Banette had the Insomnia ability which would have stopped this from working if it hadn't used a move that made it copy my ability. So then I had Poison Point instead, which is useless against my Clodsire because it's poison and also because he only has special attacking moves.

So the town itself is real pretty looking what with all the tiles and water fixtures. But the way it looks and the music gives real Orientalism vibes. And I'm just a little uncomfy with that considering the history of Orientalism. idk, maybe I'm overthinking it.

When I talked to an NPC and they mentioned Pokemon artwork on the observatory that looks like old video game sprite art, I got really excited. I was like "is it old Pokemon sprite work?!" and it was! It was sprites from gen 1! I really adore this reference to the older games, it's a really nice addition. Anyway I'll be visiting the gym and seeing what my test is right after this, toot-a-loo.

Uhh... I didn't really like the gym test I think it was kind of tedious, the music was nice though. Also one of my teacher's was there. Y'know something I always find myself wondering is why the other challenges are using the same typing as the gym. I get game mechanics wise, they are suppose to act as the gym trainers you fight in other gyms but in this case they are supposed to be challengers. Wouldn't they have more variety of Pokemon? Or they could have Pokemon that are strong against that gym's type.

Anyway the gym test was pretty much a quick time event, altho I had much more time than I needed, and I just like it went on for too long.

The gym leader herself, meh. I don't really care about make-up. I liked how she had those flapping wings on her outfit tho, they were cool. And I feel like her team fit her theme well with all of them being very pretty Pokemon.

It was nice to battle a gym where I was on level again. She even took out 2 of my Pokemon. I mostly used my grass cat against her, because dark type. I didn't get a single one hit KO, so good on her. I switched to my Rock Salt golem because it has a Steel move to try try to use against Gardavor. But it had Energy Ball and I only got one hit in.

At the end her flower lady became Psychic but it still has its Fairy moves of course and took out grass cat with a Moon Blast. Finished it off with my Giraffe.

Afterwards I decided to do a bunch more exploring. I checked out the detour to that Psychic Town, and it was super cool, very scenic. I explored some other caves around the area. And climbed around the waterfall.

I ended up finding two more stakes. But I've realized something. Up until now I haven't given much though about why the stakes are different colors, yellow and purple. But I think I figured it out. The creepy gate was purple, so I bet only the purple stakes were tied to it. So I bet there's a different Yellow Gate, and the yellow stakes affect that one. So yeah I'm going to keep exploring for a while longer.

Nothing much to report about my exploring. I used Kori's newfound swimming ability to visit some random islands. I was surprised when I found people on a couple of there. I was like "What the hell are you doing way out here?"

So what I decided was Fighting Star Raid first, then going after the Dragon titan after that. Trying to figure out how to get to the next Star Raid was a bit tricky because the area was kinda hard to get to and out of the way. I wonder what made her choose a place so secluded.

Anyway this bamboo forest looking area is really pretty though. Nice music too. I had a hard time getting through because I'm back on level and the many Fighting Types around here keep trying to pick fights with me.

I was surprised to find the boss of this group, Eri, trying to guard the gate herself. Mad respect. Doing the raid itself was interesting because I pretty much just had to go in a straight line, a much less open area this is.

I will say I might have actually been slightly underleveled but I did fine. I had a Normal/Psychic, a Fighting/Flying, and an Electric/Flying with me. So I had a lot of type advantage with me. The fight with Eri herself gave me some trouble.

First I used Kilowattrel against her Toxicroak. Air Slash brought it into red and it's Poison Jab brought me into then low orange (also poisoned). So I used a Full Restrore. It used Poison Jab again but didn't poison me that time so I used Air Slash again and took it out.

I won't do a whole play-by-play but her Annilape gave me some trouble. The car was hard to fight too. In the end I was victorious but half of my team was fainted.

So anyway Eri is really sweet, I like her a lot. It's glaringly clear indeed that Penny/Cass/Big Boss are all the same person. When I ask Cass about her "Gang" she never directly answers me but talks about the motivation's of Team Star, thus, implying that that is the gang.

Penny clearly seems to look down at her past actions as the Big Boss. I'm very interested in hearing more. I want to hear her motives behind everything.

After all that I explored the area a bit. When I saw that huge wall of stone I was like "what the fuck is that" but now I've realized that that is the boundary between this region and another. After all Spain/Portugal isn't an island. I'm just more used to that sort of thing being blocked by a forest. But I guess a forest isn't going stop Koraidon, now is it?

I also found another stake but this was a new color, blue! Are there three doors then? I've never found Blue stakes before.

Another weird thing, I think, are these... crystals? idk what rock they are but there are these big black rocks around and I'm like, "What's the deal with these?"

Anyway I'll leave this post off here, I'll be going after the dragon titan next and then I'll start heading off into the mountains. to face the last stuff that's left. Unless I decide partway through to take some more school classes. Been meaning to take some more.

[originaltyphoonkryptonite]

Chapter 12: Bachelorette Party Surprise

Zella pov

I was getting everything ready for my bachelorette party that was tonight. Since I wasn't comfortable with the idea of what is normal for such a party, we were instead having a slumber party. I was making sure we had plenty of snacks and drinks even though they told me not to since this was a party for me. Dinah, Stephanie, Cass, Artemis, and M'gann were coming and bringing pizza. Since they knew about my identity, Cippia would be staying. He is currently getting the living room ready by moving the furniture for me. Once that was done, I had some blankets and pillows spread out on the floor just in case if we need more then what the guests are bringing. They should be arriving a bit after sundown.

I was already dressed in my pajamas and Cippia was dozing on his large dog bed when the doorbell rings and he sits up. He bounces over and whines as he waited for the door to open. I give a small laugh as I open the door and Cippia rushes out. Arty moves out of the way, so the person who got pounced on by my dog just happened to be Dinah. He knocks her to the ground and he starts licking her face, leaving a bunch of slobber on her face. I chuckle at his excitement. He adores Artemis but since she moved Dinah gets his attention. She gently pushes him off with a smile. I hand her a towel and she wipes off the drool.

"Thanks but I already have GA drooling over me.", she says with a laugh.

We head inside and they get into their pajamas. They also put down the bags they brought with and the pizza boxes on the coffee table. Cippia goes to lay down on his bed watching us.

"I am so excited for this.", M'gann says with a smile.

We start off by them admiring my engagement ring before watching a movie while eating the pizza. Stephanie chose Bridesmaids, the 2011 one. It was pretty good and funny. Cippia got bored so he went through a shadow to check out the city. We were finished with the pizza and were just talking.

"I'm not kidding!", Artemis says with a smirk in my direction.

"Don't tell them!", I yelled with a large blush covering my face.

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad.", Steph says.

"Yes it was.", I whine as I use a pillow to hide my face.

"She looked even better then that fictional singer Jessica Rabbit.", Arty says. "I even have pictures.", she said as she takes out her phone.

"You what?!", I said horrified.

I drop the pillow and try to grab the phone but it didn't work. She just hands it to Dinah who then showed the others the pictures. They took a look and burst out laughing.

"I hate you.", I said to Artemis.

"Love you too Zell.", she says with a smirk.

"Well that explains why Dick got distracted during that meeting.", Cass says.

"Oh?", Dinah asks.

"Yeah.", Steph says. "He was staring at his phone while Bruce was trying to explain the plan to us."

"End me now.", I said with a groan as I fall onto my back and cover my face with the pillow again.

"Never.", Arty says as she takes the pillow from me.

Cippia suddenly bursts through a shadow and whines at us. Miss M talks to him with her mind and finds out that there is big trouble in a abandoned warehouse near the edge of the city. Some thugs are using it to ship out drugs and weapons. We change into our 'work clothes' and head out.

We get to the warehouse and each were hiding. Cippia decided to stay at home so it was just us girls.

There were about 36 of them so we each got 6 to take care of. Spoiler and Black Bat took the 12 outside the building by picking two off and have the others look for them. Miss M took the 6 by the doors. Tigress, Black Canary and I were going to take out the rest or that was the plan.

Things were going fine but one of them saw the three of us and alerted the others. We jump into action but that was when the real problems started. I got about 5 of them down when I tired to use a new move that Canary thought of. She noticed how my shadows can turn into wisps around my feet when I get angry or scared so why not use them to my advantage she said. Doing so allowed me to have several wisps around me that acted like arms. I just move them the way I want.

I summoned the wisps but they seemed different. They were transparent. I had one go at a thug but half-way there it starts to flicker and by the time it reached the guy, it vanished. I frown and try again with another one but the same result happened. I was starting to feel dizzy and couldn't focused. My vision disappears.

"Phantasma!", I hear as I started to fall backwards.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tigress pov

"Phantasma!", I hear Black Canary yell as I see her fall to the ground.

I take out the last of my group and rushed towards my fallen friend as the last one aims at her heart. I kicked him away and Black Canary used her Canary Cry at the guy to send him into a wall.

Once that was taken care of we go to her side. Black Canary calls The Watchtower as the others get over to us and then we get transported to there. The Medical staff brings her to a room. Canary tries to find Doctor Fate since the staff had no idea what is going on with her.

I see Zatanna walking towards me while I was watching Zell rest from the window. She stops and stands next to me.

"Doctor Fate is on a off world mission. I could try to see what is going on.", she says.

"Alright.", I said.

We went in and she does a spell. When it was done she looked confused.

"That's weird."

"What?", Black Canary asks as she entered the room.

"From what I can tell she has light in her."

"What?", I asked.

"Since she uses Shadows, Light would counteract her powers causing them to fail. Maybe trying to use them when they disappeared caused too much stress on her body and she fainted."

"But how did this happened?", Miss M asks as she enters with the others from the party.

"I have no idea. I can't tell. But what I can tell it is not life threatening. Just have her take a break from doing hero work."

"Oh boy, her fiancée won't like hearing about this.", Steph says.

Cass nods her head in agreement knowing how he can be.

"I am sure given time her powers will come back.", Zatanna says.

Zantanna starts to leave but pauses in the doorway. "Tell Nightwing I am happy for him and I wish them luck.", she says with a huge smile.

"Guess you won over another person Zell.", I think with a small smile as I take a seat next to her bed.

[erps-kwerpse]

Reasons Why It’s Good I’m Not With Jen

Can’t dance. Has no rhythm at all. Used to find it adorable until I saw people laughing at her and hate to say I was embarrassed.

Once overheard her say ‘Let’s grab a cappuccino some time and we’ll talk’ to my teenage cousin who wanted advice about his university applications.

Generally has quite nineties ideas about what is glamorous, like cocktails or spending twenty pounds on a plate of tagliatelle in a ‘little place’.

Refuses to get to the airport a minute earlier than ninety minutes before a flight takes off.

Don’t have to persuade her to like where we live any more.

When she would go for a run in the evening she would come into the living room, stretch in front of the TV and say ‘What’s this?’ and make me explain the programme I was watching even though she knew what it was, just to make a point that she was exercising while I was watching Help, I’m a Hoarder!

Talked too much and too smugly about coming from a big family, as if it was her decision to have three siblings.

Always used to boast about how she’d reject an OBE if it were offered to her because of her apparent lefty republican values but would never know why she’d be offered an OBE in this fantasy when I asked her.

Would definitely never reject an OBE if it were offered to her.

Would take an hour to go to bed, no matter what time she got in, because she’d do a seven-step skincare routine, browse shopping apps and listen to podcasts. And yet only left twenty minutes from her alarm going off to having to leave the flat in the morning.

Refuses to get to the airport a minute earlier than ninety minutes before a flight takes off.

Always late for me, never late for work.

Can’t drive (childish).

Somehow managed to relate the plot of every film we watched back to her own life.

Her unbearable sister Miranda who carries nonsensical homemade signs at protests saying things like HISTORY IS WATCHING and who I know hates me because she always ranted about ‘straight white guys’ when she came round for dinner, no matter the topic. She used to say ‘Sorry, Andy’ but didn’t by the end. 

Her work friends: boring and cliquey and not fun or funny. 

All talk about being some big adventurer but never followed through. Wanted to take a year off to travel because she never had a gap year (‘next year’). Wanted to move to Paris (‘not the right time’). Wanted to get an undercut (‘work wouldn’t like it’). Wanted to go to an outdoor sex-themed rave (‘when my hay fever gets better’). 

Goes to therapy every week and has done since she was twenty-nine but would never tell me what they spoke about and I’ve never seen that she has anything wrong with her. 

Was too connected to dogs and spoke to them as if they were people.

Somehow managed to relate the plot of every film we watched back to her own life.

Her rude dad.

Her weird mum. 

Comes from a family who go on long circular walks and play board games.

Annoyingly loquacious and was on a debating team at her school, which meant I didn’t win an argument in nearly four years even when I was right about loads of them.

Always on at me about biting my nails, picking my feet, too much hair in my nostrils and bum hole etc., despite the fact she’s always fiddling with her cuticles.

Talked at the cinema.

Pretended she’s unsure about wanting children because she cares about the planet, but I think she just didn’t want children with me.

Would never talk seriously about having children, despite knowing how much I want to be a dad, but would sometimes say ‘That’s one of my baby names’ to people in conversation.

Those baby names included: Noah, Blue (?) and Zebedee.

Snob. Once said that she thought people who wear straw hats at the airport on the way to their summer holiday are ‘regional’.

Lingered too long in museums at every artefact or painting and would have a go at me if I walked through the exhibition too quickly.

Once saw her nod respectfully at a TINY JADE SPOON in the British Museum.

Only saw her cry a handful of times in nearly four years together and it wasn’t when we broke up.

One time was when we were watching a Joni Mitchell documentary.

Ruined my life.

Rea­sons Why I Loved Be­ing With Jen

I love what a good friend you are. You’re re­ally en­gaged with the lives of the peo­ple you love. You or­ga­nize lovely ex­pe­ri­ences for them. You make an ef­fort with them, you’re pa­tient with them, even when they’re side­tracked by their chil­dren and can’t pri­or­i­tize you in the way you pri­or­i­tize them.

You’ve got a gen­er­ous heart and it ex­tends to peo­ple you’ve never even met, whereas I think that ev­ery­one is out to get me. I used to say you were naive, but re­ally I was jeal­ous that you al­ways thought the best of peo­ple.

You are a bit too anx­ious about be­ing seen to be a good per­son and you def­i­nitely go a bit over­board with your left-wing pol­i­tics to prove a point to ev­ery­one. But I know you re­ally do care. I know you’d sign pe­ti­tions and help peo­ple in need and vol­un­teer at the home­less shel­ter at Christ­mas even if no one knew about it. And that’s more than can be said for a lot of us.

I love how quickly you read books and how ab­sorbed you get in a good story. I love watch­ing you lie on the sofa read­ing one from cover-to-cover. It’s like I’m in the room with you but you’re in a whole other gal­axy.

I love that you’re al­ways try­ing to im­prove your­self. Whether it’s running marathons or set­ting your­self chal­lenges on an app to learn French or the fact you go to ther­apy ev­ery week. You work hard to be­come a bet­ter ver­sion of your­self. I think I prob­a­bly didn’t make my ad­mi­ra­tion for this known and in­stead it came off as ir­ri­ta­tion, which I don’t re­ally feel at all.

I love how ded­i­cated you are to your fam­ily, even when they’re annoy­ing you. Your loy­alty to them wound me up some­times, but it’s only be­cause I wish I came from a big fam­ily.

I love that you al­ways know what to say in con­ver­sa­tion. You ask the right ques­tions and you know ex­actly when to talk and when to listen. Ev­ery­one loves talk­ing to you be­cause you make ev­ery­one feel im­por­tant.

I love your style. I know you think I prob­a­bly never no­ticed what you were wear­ing or how you did your hair, but I loved see­ing how you get ready, sit­ting in front of the full-length mir­ror in our bed­room while you did your make-up, even though there was a mir­ror on the dressing ta­ble.

I love that you’re mad enough to swim in the English sea in No­vem­ber and that you’d pick up spi­ders in the bath with your bare hands. You’re brave in a way that I’m not.

I love how free you are. You’re a very free per­son, and I never gave you the sat­is­fac­tion of say­ing it, which I should have done. No one knows it about you be­cause of your bor­ing, high-pres­sure job and your stuffy up­bring­ing, but I know what an ad­ven­turer you are un­der­neath all that.

I love that you got drunk at Jack­son’s chris­ten­ing and you al­ways wanted to have one more drink at the pub and you never com­plained about get­ting up early to go to work with a hang­over. Other than Avi, you are the per­son I’ve had the most fun with in my life.

And even though I gave you a hard time for al­ways try­ing to for always try­ing to im­press your dad, I ac­tu­ally found it very adorable because it made me see the child in you and the teenager in you, and if I could time-travel to any­where in his­tory, I swear, Jen, the only place I’d want to go is to the house where you grew up and hug you and tell you how beau­ti­ful and clever and funny you are. That you are spec­tac­u­lar even with­out all your sports trophies and mu­sic certificates and in­cred­i­ble grades and Ox­ford ac­cep­tance.

I’m sorry that I loved you so much more than I liked my­self, that must have been a lot to carry. I’m sorry I didn’t take care of you the way you took care of me. And I’m sorry I didn’t take care of my­self, ei­ther. I need to work on it. I’m pleased that our break-up taught me that. I’m sorry I went so mental.

I love you. I always will. I'm glad we met.

[db-reviews]

#195 - Mercator Projected - East Of Eden (1969)

I find it funny how the 60s birthed prog rock, but not until ‘69 did we practically get the genre we know and love today, through the releases of many albums such as In The Court of The Crimson King, Uncle Meat, For My Children’s Children’s Children, and A Salty Dog. Another of these early prog rock releases has to be East Of Eden’s Mercator Projected.

East Of Eden’s debut is considerably less proggy than their follow up records, and definitely a bit more bluesy, but what is found here is some nice early prog in my mind.

What I like about this album is the more heavy psychedelic format these songs create, usually also combining with a more folk rock sound to create this very rocking, and driving record that I think, for the most part, works out very nicely, especially on tracks like Northern Hemisphere and In The Stable of the Sphinx. I like it a lot.

That said, though, I do not think this album has any really interesting moments. Obviously very early prog rock won’t have stuff that excels to the heights of Close To The Edge or A Plague of Lighthouse Keepers, nor is the genre refined enough to really get those enigmatic sweet spots, but I still feel like by 1969, especially after works came out and about from bands like Procol Harum, The Moody Blues, and The Mothers of Invention, which their albums have had some rather interesting moments up until this point, and so should be blueprints, if you will, for bands like East Of Eden to follow, I just still think East Of Eden’s debut never really has any big moments that I truly adore. The songs are good, but they don’t have that kick that makes me want to listen to them over and over again, unlike other albums around this time, which is rather disappointing.

An album that isn’t really bad, but not really great either. I guess if you like the more rock side of prog than this album might actually be quite the treat. However, for me anyways, I feel like this doesn’t quite get the spices rolling to really make this a stand out album in my mind. You can definitely see the proggy seeds growing on here, but they are still quite deep underground that only in certain moments will you might see them.

3.5/5