#those r the rules. so im just sitting here like >:-[

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[preservationofnormalcy]

[The office is crowded when I make it in. A few dozen people in the waiting room of the simply-furnished building, weary eyed. Some waiting patiently, some not so patiently. As a slender man speaks tersely with a receptionist, I am unsure where to go. After I hesitate a moment, a man at the end of the desks waves at me. 

He is short, barely over five feet tall. He is bald on the top of his head, with bursts of frizzy hair on either side above his ears. His eyes inspect me from behind huge and thick glasses rimmed with a brassy metal, above a  brown corduroy suit with a green tie. When he speaks, he has a slight lisp and a heavy stammer.] 

F] Hello. Uh. Yes, h-hello madam. 

M] Ferdinand Mills? 

F] Yes. Yes, co-come here. May I have a word?

M] Yes, of course. 

F] I ch-choose the word, uh, ‘interview’. 

M] What? 

F] Nothing, nothing madam. Come, come.

[I am led back behind the counters, past small cubicles and offices. It looks like any other office building I’ve been in, if furnished a little more…vintage. Kelly greens and dark brown woods dominate the furniture, and brassy metal fixtures catch the somewhat dimmer light. I’m led into Ferdinand’s office, and immediately I see piles and piles of paperwork, stacked almost impossibly high in some places. His computer is buried in it, and for a moment I wonder about the heat. He sits at his desk and laces his fingers together.] 

F] I, umm. Was told of your c-coming, madam. What….what is your purpose here? 

M] I’m here to conduct a….to….. 

F] Mmmh? 

M] To….conduct a….what is happening, why can’t I—

F] You may, uh, have it back. 

M] Interview. Interview, interview. What the hell, I….oh. 

F] A p-parlor trick. Nothing, uh, more, Ms Hendricks. 

M] Why did you do that? 

F] Some, uh, new agents don’t quite understand the ru-rules. Think it’s a g-game. Until they’re uh….

[He gestures with his palm down and fingers wiggling.] 

F] On the end of a…string, madam. M-marionette. 

M] So you just…take something from them? 

F] B-better it be me, than, ah. Something else. Please. Y-your interview, madam. Your questions? 

M] As long as you don’t do that again. 

F] Queen’s, uh, honor. On the Court. 

M] ….what is your name and position?

F] I am called F-Ferdinand Mills, and I am the director of the Legal Extranormal Persons Office, as well as, ah, liaison to the North American Seelie Court. 

M] What do you do in either position? 

F] In the f-former, I am a social worker, ah. Mostly. We oversee the process of g-gaining legal personhood under the Office and the work that entails. It’s a little like….im-immigration. 

The latter position is m-mostly ceremonial. I help the Office train its staff on issues related to the Fa-Fair Folk and…perhaps the, ah. Challenges. 

M] What is legal personhood? 

F] B-before the 1937 Tom-Tommyknocker Accords, it was Office policy that non-humans were not g-giv–ah, extended the rights and privileges afforded to h-human citizens by the US constitution. Not, not that they applied to humans equally either…b-but I digress. The Accords provided a legal f-framework for providing citizenship and thus legal p-protection to non-human or sufficiently str-ah. Abnormal persons. 

M] Why is it called the Tommyknocker Accords? 

F] The camp-cam….effort was led by Tommyknockers, an ethnic group of Fair Folk that w-were among the first to im-immigrate with Cornish humans and took up residence mainly in m-mines. Their presence was, ah, of course never officially re-recognized by American authorities, but they often had union cards, paid for by their human c-coworkers. This s-sort of solidarity led the Tommyknockers to seek some kind of rights from the g-government, which gained the ear of the Office in the nine-ninetee-ah. In the 30’s. In return for the local S-seelie Court’s cooperation in protecting humans from the actions of r-rogue fae, fair folk would receive legal p-protection and citizenship, and c-considerations for those that can, ah, pass as human.

M] And this has been extended to…more than just fae?

F] V-very soon after it was started, work began on expanding it to lycanthropes, the undead, demons…by now there are art-artificial intelligences, homunculi, extraterrestrials…

M] Do you think the department is successful in its goals? 

F] Our g-goals are to help promote a culture of protection for those who may not have had it in the past. It’s a matter of civil rights. The astoundingly vast majority of people that come through here….all they want is to live p-peacefully and be left alone, more or, ah, less. 

I hope you-you can agree that people of all stripes should have a fundamental right to exist without legal d-discrimination or fear. Of course, given the Office’s secrecy standards, certain concessions have to be made. 

And, to be cyn-cynical, there’s also the goal of providing those people a route of, ah, legal redress. If we didn’t ex-extend certain protections to the extranormal population, they’d riot. And they’d be justified in, ah, doing so. 

M] That seems like an important point. What about your position as fae liaison. How did the Office’s cooperation with the NASC begin?

F] As the Accords were being f-formed, it was determined, primarily from the T-Tommyknockers, that enough Fair Folk had, ah, immigrated to North America that they had formed their own C-court. This would allow the local f-fae to determine their own law, culturally influenced by but separate from o-older Courts. The culture of this court was still diff-different than many in Europe and elsewhere, of course, and this probably contributed to the success of the Accords. M-many wanted a fresh start, for them-themselves, and with mortals. Some of them were half-human themselves. My f-father was among those present at the Accords, ah, in fact.

M] And this has been a successful relationship, in your opinion?

F] I know s-so. The country would be a very different place if we had powerful groups like the NASC opp-opposed to us.

M] I did want to ask about the, uh. Recon team—

F] I won’t s-s-speak on that without an ethics r-r-representative being p-present. 

M] I just wanted to know what their—

F] If LEP is imm-immigration, Recon is immigration en-enforcement. I have my i-issues with how the R-r-recon team conducts its— no, no, no, I won’t speak on it further. 

M] Are they the main enforcement and security agency in the Office?

F] I said I wouldn’t— nnnhf. F-first line. F-first contact. If it seems like too much for them, we call O-Sec. Then it’s out of our h-hands. Now if you please, if you’d like to kn-know more about R-recon, speak to someone in Recon. 

M] Do their operations bother you?

F] Ms Hendricks, I–

M] Or are they a necessary evil? 

F] N-n-no evil is necessary, Ms Hendricks. I won’t speak f-f-further on it. In fact, ah, I, uh, I believe we are done t-talking. Reschedule another interview if you m-must. 

(Buy the poster here!)

[endataraxia]

sage forest mental institution.

chapter 4. in which you dissociate the day away. word count: 3.5k note: im not gonna lie at this point this fic is so bad i'm gonna label it crack so at least it seems like it's bad on purpose /hj cw: dissociation. descriptions of domestic abuse. READ NO FURTHER IF YOU CAN'T it's the paragraph literally under here.

Dissociation. It’s a pretty foreign feeling to you, and yet it’s so familiar. You can’t place where you felt this before, almost like deja vu, but with an aftertaste of impending doom. It was a topic you’d researched extensively back in your old home—no, house. Scouring the breadths and depths of the Internet was your entire coping mechanism back in the day and your occasional background music would be the smashing of glass, your mother crying and your father’s yelling reverberating across the walls. You liked to call it something of a live, interactive band, because sometimes if you were lucky your father would come barging into your room in his drunken anger, grab you by the hair and throw you against the bed, or the wall if you were particularly unlucky.

Sometimes you wished you’d be able to cut your hair short. But your mother would threaten you with a kitchen knife, crying and screaming that she only had one daughter and she would not have a son. Your poor (?) mother had an innate fear of men, so you’d understand where she was coming from, but you hated her nonetheless, and that hatred still resides in your heart.

“…not enough, you can ask for more. We should be able to lend you some of ours.”

You blink and jerk back to life.

“Are you okay.” It’s more of a perfunctory sentence than a genuine question. Hoodie gazes almost blankly at you.

“Um. Yeah. Sorry.” You try to keep your answer as short as possible. When faced with law enforcement officers, it is advised to keep your answers as short as possible and not to give away any information that’s not required of you, is what you always read on Reddit under r/getoutoftrouble or whatever it was named. The “sorry” at the end is just insurance for your life.

Masky gives you a look, then returns to droning on about household rules. Stay out of others’ ways, don’t play with Ben unless you’re looking for nightmare fuel, stay especially away from Jeff, don’t eat anything in the freezer that’s labelled because those are human organs for EJ’s consumption, don’t talk to EJ about his diet (which you already did and are now concerned for your life), and don’t go looking for The Operator, or as the proxies are to address him, their master.

Sometime halfway through showing you around the mansion, each proxy would disappear one at a time, leaving the other two still in their ridiculous hospital getups to continue bringing you around. The first to go was Hoodie, who came back in, like his namesake, a yellow hoodie. The second was Masky, who came back in a tan jacket. Just as you thought they’d both just let Toby walk around in his hospital gown, he left, and came back in a brown-and-blue hoodie and orange goggles sitting atop his head, his cheek bandage nowhere to be seen. It was only then that you saw his cheek wound.

You still stare at it now and then, the wound going all the way through to expose his teeth, leaving you wondering just what the hell this boy has been, going so far as to bite his cheek so often that there’s now nothing left to bite.

Besides those few moments, the house tour, which is actually not as fun as it sounds because you are at the mercy of these people, is a blur. The only thing comforting you is the fact that you got your own room, which leads you to believe that they’ll keep you alive, at least for a while.

“Lock your door just in case, so Jeff and EJ can’t come in. Though the Operator is powerful and could easily guard you himself, he’s never explicitly stated that you will be protected from harm. He only needs you alive,” explains Masky. You appreciate that they’re looking out for you, though it’s not straight-up protection. Still, it’s a luxury; they could just leave you to fend for yourself.

“We’ll be keeping spare keys to your room. Don’t try anything. I’ll break both your legs, reset them, then break them again,” reiterates Masky. But honestly, you’re far past trying anything. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Well, the last part probably isn’t true, but it’s either you maintain your status or gain something. Either way, your life can’t get worse…unless they torture you, or you start hoping for some unrealistic shit like being able to escape for freedom. That, you could lose. Hope is a precious thing, and you’d rather not conjure it out of nowhere just to lose it. You’re given food, shelter and clothing. You can’t get greedy.

You next find yourself in The Operator’s office. Again, you have no idea what to expect; this whole day has been an absolute mindfuck. But this office isn’t anything fancy, nor is it bare-bones. It’s just…a desk, a chair, and…nothing else. You either can’t process what’s going on in your state of dissociation, or you’re not meant to perceive what it is. Indeed, The Operator is powerful, and can alter your perception of things.

You aren’t given a seat to sit in.

Leave us, he commands his three proxies, and they retreat. You wonder if they’re willingly working for him.

The Operator’s hands are large, fingers bony and fingernails extending into claws. They’re placed on the table, fingers interlinked with each other. You’re reminded of a Disney villain or something equally cheesy, but you remember that if he has telepathic powers then he can probably read your mind or something, and your life is in his hands, so you immediately cut off that train of thought.

You, begins the voice in your head, are to keep my proxies from insanity. If they fall to it… He leans forward. Static begins to fill your mind, and you feel your own sanity slipping from your grasp. You see red. You lose control of your body.

Just as quickly as it appeared, it disappears. You’re on the floor.

It would be in your best interests to keep their insanity at bay. You are hereby allowed to administer whatever form of treatment you believe to be most effective. However, he pauses here, I see through my proxies’ eyes and ears. I will know whether you try to defy me. That is all.

Before you even manage to say “huh” in a really, really dumb voice, a door appears in front of you, identical to the one that leads to the office. Just as you wonder how the fuck he made a door appear, you realize that you’re outside his office, and you feel the presence of the three men behind you. You have no time to think about whether or not he was being literal. If he wasn’t, that was a really shitty riddle.

Slowly, you stand up, carefully brushing any dust off your uniform before realizing the interior of the mansion is surprisingly clean and you’re just obnoxiously brushing nothing off you. Saving yourself from second-hand embarrassment from your own actions, you cut that train of thought off in favor of wondering how much information has been imparted to his proxies. And anyway, what the fuck is this Operator guy on? You want to believe that he actually gave a shit about these three, but don’t want to jump to conclusions. Given the authority to administer whatever treatment you want, you’ll be able to extract information out of them.

As you wonder what kind of treatment The Operator meant for you to administer, you flick through multiple options in your mind. Talking to them, saving them from insanity…

Therapy?

No fucking way, some faceless fuck brought you all the way here to give his three little servants therapy.

At this thought, you howl with unrestrained laughter. Laughter containing your amusement at the situation, containing your despair at this situation, your confusion, your anger, everything. You just wanted a goddamn normal life. Now you have to give therapy? Damn, you really just found something floating in thin air for you to lose. Your prospects of having a normal life.

God damn, you really are God’s strongest soldier.

God favors me, God favors me, God favors me, you try to convince yourself.

“Ahem.”

Oh fuck, you forgot that there are three whole ass men behind you.

“Oh. Uh, yeah. Ahaha.” You highly doubt that you’ve said anything intelligent today, so you try to convince yourself that it’s okay and it’s valid and whatnot. Oh yeah, so very valid. But aside from that, you have no idea how to break it to these three that you’ve been brought here alive just so you can give them therapy. Knowing most people’s reactions to therapy in your area, namely “Therapy is for pussies and the crazy,” you wonder how horribly this can go, so you briefly consider not telling them anything and just hitting them up all like, “Hey, any pressing issues that are stressing you out right now? We can talk about your feelings.”

One thing at a time, you remind yourself, before asking, “Any spare rooms around here?”

For better or worse, they show no signs of judging. Toby’s shoulders jerk every so often, fidgeting with his hands and peeling skin off his dry lips, but aside from that, he doesn’t seem to be judging you either.

“Yes,” replies Hoodie. “Come.” As he nods at his companions, signaling something that leads them to leave you both, you hope this spare room isn’t right next to The Operator’s office.

Thankfully, it isn’t. It is, however, run-down.

Hoodie flicks the light switch on, and it’s…an interrogation room? White walls, greenish-blue tiled floors, a mirror behind the table, a rickety old chair and what seems to be handles on the table for handcuffs to slip through. Upon noticing your visible confusion, he speaks. “This room is the only spare we have at the moment. We don’t really use it anymore. Nowadays we take them straight to the dungeons.” You have no idea how to respond.

“Okay.” Is what you settle for. You want to bang your head on the metal interrogation table. “Is there, like, a store room or something? For furniture and decorations and whatnot…” Nice save.

The man before you pauses. “No.” Then he adds, “Write down what you need. We’ll get it for you.” You briefly wonder how they’re going to procure what you need, but then decide that you probably don’t want to know.

After Hoodie leaves, telling you he’ll get you a pen and paper, you sit down on the old chair and make yourself comfortable after making sure it won’t break beneath your weight. For the first time today, you’re left alone and able to think about all that has transpired today.

“So I tried to work my job.”

Uh-huh, replies your second inner monologue, like an angel and a devil, except both are now equally confused.

“My coworker tells me I don’t have to do shit and then skips off.”

That’s right.

“Then I see a patient and try to carry out my job.”

Yep.

“It was probably not a patient. Wait, it probably was. Wait, what the fuck am I gonna do? I just let my responsibilities escape.”

You’re a victim of kidnapping and technically off the grid. Society and rules don’t apply here.

“Right. Anyways, he tries to kill me.”

Yes.

“Then this dude named Masky saves my ass. And then him and the not-patient threaten me and manage to free their friend, then I shove them all back into the cell because I’m so fucking smart.”

Yeah.

“Then I come across a nice guy. He’s not a nice guy, he’s a cannibal. He saves me from not-patient, then tries to eat me. Then a floating Link cosplayer pops up, and I have no idea where he is now, and tells all of us that I’m supposed to be alive. Then they pop me into a truck and drive off, and I have no idea where I am right now, or what time it even is.”

Correct, check, all accounted for. Except you don’t know what time it is, where you are, and whether you’ll live to see the next day.

It’s now that a pen and paper slide over to you, and now you’re worried about how much Hoodie has heard.

“…when did you get here?” You ask meekly.

“You have no idea where you are and what time it is. It’s 5.57pm. You’re free to use whatever you need in the kitchen. And give us the list by 9pm,” He states flatly.

Okay, those answer all your questions. It could be a lot worse, like an actual kidnapping where you’re given absolutely zero information.

Hoodie slips out of the doorway, expression as unrevealing as ever, and closes the door. You don’t hear the lock click, a silent signal that you’re free to leave this room if you want. You really wonder why they’re not straight-up restraining you right now, but then again, how do you give someone therapy when you’re all tied up? And why even would you drag a rando to give your proxies therapy? Huge plot hole. Even if you were asylum staff, there’s no guarantee you’re actually able to treat them, especially since staff there were notorious for poor handling of patients…

You come to the conclusion that no way in hell The Operator, such a powerful entity, would call on someone as incompetent as the average asylum worker to treat his own proxies. He would choose based on merit and skill, but how would he even determine that? Does he have an archive of every single human in existence or something?

Doesn’t matter. You finish up the list, which is probably more akin to a half-hearted scrawl of the bare bones you’ll need for the office. Bean bags, a table and a carpet large enough to cover up these ugly goddamn tiles. And that’s pretty much it, aside from some simple writing equipment— files for each member of the household (save for The Operator, you fear at the idea of having to treat him) and a couple stacks of foolscap paper, along with some pens. You also throw in a sketchbook, pencils and erasers because why not. It’s time to learn a new motherfucking skill while you’re in this hellhole.

You’re pretty much only “awake”, that is to say, not spaced out when you try to find your way down to the kitchen. Given your dissociated state earlier, you expect not to be able to find it and instead get lost so fantastically you end up in the backrooms or something, but your muscle memory seems to bring you to the place you actually intend to be, conversation flooding the hall from inside the kitchen. It’s faint, but it gets louder as you approach. Very, very loud.

“Tobias Erin Rogers, I swear to fuck if you don’t come down here right now—”

“WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO, HUH?”

“I will kick your fucking ass!”

“NICE TRY, GRANDPA, I DON’T FEEL PAIN!” A whistle and a whoop.

You’re met with the sight of Toby perched on the top of the refrigerator, Masky’s face an angry red (because he’s literally angry), hands on his hips like he’s a 40-year-old mother scolding her child, and Hoodie pinching the bridge of his nose. All heads turn to you the moment you approach, which is kind of…no, absolutely fucking creepy.

You stand there. You have absolutely no idea what to do. Hell, you’re hungry as fuck, but if it saves you from awkwardness you’ll just grab a glass of tap water and run.

“Hey, Y/N!” Toby chirps like a baby bird, which is very strange given his size as a full-grown adult male.

“Uh…hey, Toby,” you choke out, forcing a smile as you awkwardly shuffle between the men to grab yourself something, anything, to pretend you know what you’re doing and you’re totally not panicking right now. Yes, you are composed, in control.

Then a loud THUD sounds behind you and you feel a presence very close behind you.

“Whatcha doooooin?”

You never, EVER expected to hear that annoying phrase after you left elementary school.

“I’m. I’m, uhhhh…” You chide yourself for literally not having spoken a single proper sentence today. God, you’re so off your game.

“You want the chili, right? I gotchu!” He speaks so fast, it’s a wonder he doesn’t trip over his words, though he does stutter a fair bit. A stupidly lanky arm reaches up over your head to the highest shelf and grabs you a jar of chili, then plops it into your hands. You stare at it and contemplate if you should take the entire thing and book it out of this situation. Fuck your spice tolerance, there are two men who are currently definitely staring at you right now, making a fool of yourself.

“For god’s sake, Toby, why the fuck would she want the fucking chili?” Groans Masky from the corner of the kitchen. He probably shifted his position since his little monkey brother jumped down from the fridge.

“I like it! I want some!”

“Not everyone eats it straight out of the jar, Toby.” Deadpans Hoodie.

Your head whips around to face the boy.

TOBY EATS IT STRAIGHT OUT OF THE FUCKING JAR????

He grins innocently at you. “I can—mm, fuck—can’t feel pain!” He proclaims it like he’s won the Nobel Prize for it. Your concern for this boy grows by the second.

“That’s…good to know, Toby,” you reply, then curse yourself for being an in-real-life dry texter. “What can you feel, then?”

The boy seems to think for a bit. “Hmmm, I can feel pressure… and I can’t feel tem-whu-woo, fuck—tempera—woo!…” His brows furrow as he concentrates, but you feel some frustration coming off him too.

“Take your time, Toby,” you reassure, now feeling a genuine human connection with this boy. Maybe he’s not that bad. “You can do it.”

“Temper-rature!” His face lights up at his success. “Temperrature!—woo!” He throws his fists up in the air as celebration and you feel an impossibly strong urge to protect this boy.

“Well done, Toby.” You find yourself smiling at him, surprisingly, which causes him to gasp.

“Y-y-you see that, guys? Ha, Y/N’s smiling! A-a-at me!” He beams, then wraps his arms around your waist, lifting you up into a painfully tight hug.

“Ah… Toby, too tight…” You wince. He stutters an apology and puts you down, then sprints away.

Now, you’re no genius, but you know something’s up with that boy. You look to the other two for, hopefully, an answer.

Hoodie answers your unasked question. “Toby has something called BPD. Borderline personality disorder. It tends to affect his relationship with other people,” he states, but doesn’t elaborate. A test of your knowledge?

“I see,” is your short reply; you’re still processing the information you were provided first-hand. Should you write this down? “Thank you, Hoodie.”

“Call me Brian,” he corrects gently.

“Oh. Brian it is, then.” Huh, he doesn’t seem so touchy with his real name, unlike Masky. “And that’s Tim,” he says, nodding at Masky. Okay, guess not. This time, he elaborates. “You’re the only human from normal society for miles here. You may as well call us by our…human names.” Must be a way to preserve their sanity, then.

“I’m Y/N. Nice to formally meet you,” you say with a polite smile and an extension of your hand. Brian takes it and shakes your hand, a firm grasp on it and a hint of practice in it. This guy knows what he’s doing. “And you as well, Tim.” It’s his turn to shake your hand, and he grunts and shakes it too, with a significantly stronger hold, just enough for it not to hurt. Youch. Must be the aggressive type.

With a polite nod of acknowledgement, you confidently leave the kitchen, before stopping in your tracks.

You forgot your food.

plot twist you're an underqualified therapist ig. part 5 coming soon. chapter 5 is out.

[mattslolita]

omgg is kiwi ur real name? its SO cute!!

i finally did the replacement phone thingy. but they said they would put a hold of £799 on my dads card. which i THOUGHT meant theyd take his details and charge 799 only if we didnt send the damaged phone back within 10 days. HOWEVERRR it TOOK THE 799 AND WONT GIV IT BAK TILL WE SEND IT LMFAO! hes annoyed but yk whatever not me paying unfortunatley 😭

and school was crazy. my tutor told me i couldnt wear trianers BUT i wore the same ones last year an they look like school shoes believe it or not! so shes on my ass already 😜

then my bf came in late (idiottt) and now cuz the government FUCKING IDIOTS made a new law that if u come after 9:00 (late basically) or u dont turn up with no "valid" reason to schl this will count as a unauthorised absence. if u get 10 of those in 10 weeks you will be charged £180 PER FUCKING PARENT!!! so hes already got 1 😒

thennn it was pouring today and we had an assembly first thing at 8:30 and we had to "line up" (fuck off w ur line up we r not 6) in the rain an our head of year was yellin at us sayin we were wasting HER time. like BITCH LET US GO IN! NO TIME WASTED! my bf tried to giv me his coat cuz i dint bring one and this teacher was like "her fault she dint bring one, go bak to ur line" and my bf said no and stil gave it. SHE GAVE HIM A WARNING? meaning if he gets another 2 he gets a 1 hour detention? like what? calm tf down!

we stayed 2 hours w our tutor after assembly doing bloody quizzes like huh? we r gonna do our gcse's this year an they want us to tell em who fucking wrote "oliver twist". like what? i cant read i literally hav no fucking clue who wrote it. also never heard of the book! LMAO.

then in science we had a new seating plan 😤 an she put me next to this weird boy who keeps putting heart eyes on my tiktoks? i said i aint sittin there an cuz shes nice she let me sit next to my bf 🤗we had to walk round the room and fill in some sheet of the digestive system which was boringgggg!

english also new seating plan but i like the teacher so it was alright!

geography i sit next to some boy who doesnt shut the fuck up. hes asking me all this shit like where im from nd what languages i speak? literally english mate like do i look like im ABLE to learn another language? no!

at lunch we sat in some teachers classroom jus me an my bf and just spoke abt everything and anythinggg. my teacher said she liked my rings my bf got me🥹(cant wear jewlry to schl tho?? how does it affect my learning??????)

also more explaining to new teachers as to y i use coloured paper. like hav they NEVER seen anyone else with dyslexia?

okay imma be straight up, yo school is WILDING cs all those rules are dumb & weird. PAYING A FINE BC UR LATE TO SCHOOL ??? and i thought american schools were ass😭😭😭 its so funny to me how ur bf keeps getting in trouble tho LMFAOO like free him guys he ain't do nun to nobody !

also kiwi is NOT my real name, but its really cute & random and my bff peaches told me if i was a fruit i'd be a kiwi, so here we are 💌🥝⭐

[smaeemo]

Order of events:

Had a freak out about the dentist

Opened ao3 and went “ACK” when I was jump scared by destiel fanfic

Went onto tiktok and watched like 10 Nara Smith videos

Kind of paid attention to this family guy episode

Now Im just chilling

#self care (?)

Sometimes I wonder if I could magically become an animated character and just jump into the tv. Ok thats such a lie, I totally have not imagined that until right now, but now I have a new thing to imagine. You know, like when you pay too much attention to the subtitles on accident, forget how to read, get really caught up in the fact that actors exist, you know that kinda stuff. But this one has like potential incentives. I almost just typed “potential inc*st” and I was giggling about it for like a nanosecond before I was like “Oh boy” and then changed it. Also, how tf do you censor stuff, like F*ck, F**k, F***, etc. Are there rules or is it like personal preference?? Ah, I just thought too much about words and like totally freaked out because I was like “How the f**k(?) do you spell thought” and then I just had a moment of reflection. Sitting alone in an apartment in a lawn chair watching family guy is peak brainrot. Honestly? I think brainrot is what makes life so interesting yk? Like how else will I stop the OCD? Therapy? Psshh (Jk im in therapy) (But you get the point). One time I had an interview with a new therapist and she was like “So what are your coping mechanisms?” and I sat there for like 2 minutes and just said “Family guy, sims 4, and Tumblr” and I will remember that moment forever because all she said was “better than drugs” and then I did not see her again. What a time to be alive. To be fair, I was in middle school. That’s not to say those coping mechanisms aren’t still alive and healthy, I have just added more to the bank (worse and better) (lol) (not lol) and I would not tell another therapist that because I found my embarassment somewhere along the way. Honestly? The best coping mechanisms I have found work, are like literally writing all of my bullsh*t (did I do it right?) thoughts onto paper, notes, google docs, or like tumblr (lol) and then I just sit here and stew in em for a bit. Poetry never worked for me, so like if you open up my “poetry journal” all you’d really find in there is just like “Today I had a panic attack, now I found that I am so scared of mountain lions” and then it ends in like “All in all, I am glady nickname isn’t marv,” Then after I write all of it, I’m like violently reality checked and just like “why am I on the floor, on tumblr, and crying” and then I get back up and watch family guy. Sometimes I just pretend Im doing a vlog and just start talking to myself. It’s like super embarassing to be caught “vlogging alone” because then you have to explain yourself and it always ends in either “omg yeah I do that too!” or “… anyways,” Oh god. I HATE ROSS GELLER. Sorry that just reminded me of that scene where Pheobe was sharing her horrifying trauma and it gets all quiet and R*ss (hahah) just goes “I think the word you are looking for is… anyways” and then proceeds to divert the attention. Also, everything about him PEEVES me. I’ve been rewatching friends as like an actual human being vs like a child, and oh my god. This is an EXPERIENCE. I would talk more about it, but like the music Im listening to just got so “vibey” that I need to listen to it and just process that I wrote an entire tumblr post that I will 100% forget about and then regret in like 20 min. But yk, gotta keep up the grind.

XOXO,

Leenya Green

[almalvo]

STAR TREK: DISCOVERY | S1E10 "Despite Yourself"

[I will react to each episode individually and in full, raw reception and then post as is unrevised here onto my tumblr for the full span of every and all NuTrek episodes and series that have been and will be released. If this falls under your field of interest - I welcome your company in joining me. Enjoy the ride.] -------

wow first time the android dint have a bass sfx XD saru's tendrils - oml when he covers them is kinda cute i like owosekun's hairrr vulcans with weapons powered? bruh r we in mirrorverse we're in mirrorverse. 100%. yup. it was obvious from the end of last episode esp with 2 DISCOs showing mhmm. yeah these cuts need improvement still but alright bring it DISCOs turn for mirrorverse antics. lets go. haha this ep writen by someone named "sean cochran". zefram? jkjk tribble backk so cute give me one i wonder what its name is

ok this spinning scene of lorca and burnham and saru talking is spinning way to fast for too long how long are we going to keep spinning. its actually making me busy and hte cuts are not consistent in momentum so it didnt feel seamless it sholdve been takien in one shot and the camera needed to stop WAY sooner. thats how you wouldve actually shot a scene of that type. but "idk" ig, im just a mortal 😭 OK STAMETS. NOT ME SENDING PEOPLE 10 METRES AWAY FROM A TAP OF A FINGER sylvia saying "oh my god" then resuming like nothing happened was such a fast tone change i see those piercing marks on doc's ears. i always get this thoght of, whenever i see that on someone, im like BRUH PUT THEM BACK IN some of these camera ratios, rule of thirds, etc., are like. not done great? idk the eye is not reading the shot how it should a lot cuz the entity is not in an advantageous spot onscreen. tyler is going THROUGH it. damn. i think tyler's actor does well with representing traumatic fear oh interesting. i love these tactile sounds like the sound of the device tyler is wearing on his hand to control the ship's arm i like lorca's rbf XD

shit. poor tyler. thats never ok. her violating u like that. ugh. this makes me uncomfortable oh interesting. oo his klingon inflections are so good oh shit this is a weird scene its such a MIX of implications i like the acting i it actually it felt actually kind of complex, though the idea is simple nice this was actually decently shot. i like the way tyler's hair sits on his head haha looks nice nice swoops man these inconsistent camera transitions (one pose in the last cut, but a diff pose in the other) tylers acting doing p well actually his emotional expression is p decent yeah good ash x burnham is still an f no for me feels so empty it prob always will to me oo the gore effects of the cuts on hishand from the broken glass look relaly good faceless emperor. im so curious who.

"mirror disco". yess. ooo what do their mirrorverse selves look like SYLVIA. oml oh my god oml this is coo,ll oml SYLVIA LETS GO BEAT HER ASS. NOOOOO WHAT THE HECK HECK HELL HOLD YOUR HORSES?? WHAT THE CRINGEEEE oml please sylvia pull through lorca coaching her lmao WHAT THE FUCKGKKHKH O9H NMY GODDDDDD CHIEF ENGINNEERRRRR AND LORCA DOES A PASSASBLE SCOTTS ACCENRTTTTT????@?!??! YOURE FUKCING KIDDDIDNGGGG GET THE FUCK OUT OH MY GODDDDDDD/???? LORCA I MIGHT LIKE YOU MORE OML H GHGJAIHO THIS PREMONITION FUC KKKKKKKK lorca has a type of voice that sounds nicer when its quieter if that makes sense? it almost sounds strange when he yells? idk maybe its just me or maybe thats the way audio was edited oml the way saru was saying "well thats not very clever" was so emotive its beautiful oml their uniforms are oml so cool man the mirror badge man ill say not to be a shit but i love to always see this TOS/star trek root-type episodes where they reminisce on such a classic trope from og trek - but at the same time, i wihsh trek didn tdo it so much to just solely rely on TOS to make its relevance stronger, no matter how sensible that seems? while star wars feels preety big and expansive and busy with a lot of overlapping lore star trek is literally just "TOS, the expanded version" it feels so small. in that, nigh everyhing will forever and always just be/because of TOS. and i love tos. dont get me wrong, its my all time favourite forever. but trek i feel like never can develop significantly newer stuff? OH MY GOD USS DEFIANTTTT LOOK AT HERRR god i cant wait to see this ship design.. but yeah idk if people understand what i mean. that something so ideologically massive as trek is so small as a creative work in its "relevant lore". sure tng has its things, so does ds9, voy, ent - but it all comes back to tos. which is a double edge sword. a good thing. but also a bad thing. for if it were without tos, then much of trek doesnt really hit like that. yes be great hubby hugh love your mans ?? oh for a second i was like his eyes oh wow seeing sylvia with sstraight hair oh wow it compliments her head and face shape ngl she looks great in the armour. they all do ooh lorca in a leather jacket and black t shirt? okok works on him oooo sylvia lets GO GET IT YES KILL IT BRUH DO IT DO IT oo this dark lipstick works great on burnham oo i wonder when we will see sylvia really a captain

wtf. lorca for real? yo ujust did that to yourself? for blood? bruh we couldve done make up also yes of course, big runny red line down side of face. oooooooooooooooo MEAN BURNHAM lorca is an oddly good prisoner. hmMmmMM damn yall sass. ugh i really really really want more trek games. is he not human. is tyler not humnan. is tyler not originaly human. SO TYLERS A FUCKING KLINGON? i love his look of dejection hes relaly good at it. dude. hes a fucking klingon UH UHHHHH UHHHHHHHHHHHH??????????? DID YOU JUST FUCKING KILL HUGHHH??????? WHAT THE FUCK????? WAIT GAY COUPLE IS GONE DEAD NOW ITS OVER??/ WHAT I THOUGHT I THOUGHT STAMETS AND HUGH LAST LONGER? WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? IM SO CONFUSED?? WHAT THE FUCK? WHY DID HUGH HAVE TO DIE ESP LIKE THAT? WHAT THE FUCK. what the actual fuck. its always the poc who dies. fuck you. idk. if he rly died or what. but fuck you. and trek still in the closet fuck this internalised homophobia. its been 6 FUCKING DECADES. GET OVER YOURSELF. KIRK AND SPOCK FUCKING EXIST. JUST COME OUTTA YOUR RAINBOW DOORS & BE DONE WITH IT. FUCK. (and no im not condoning invasion of privacy of one's sexual/gender orientation at all. i just mean if you said your gay. then own it. cuz trek has said it. its called seasons 1-3 of TOS, TAS, ST I-VI, AOS I-III. so own it. fuck.)

burnham does this role relaly well in a way she fits THIS mirror burnham more than her default. also damn lorca hahaha what i say, he gets kicked around a lot but its intersting that hes cap in this kind of role damn burnham you angery. i like this gold foil look on their armour. oo get him burnham get him get him decent choreo ooo ok ok yeah decent choreo oh yeah oooo nice i love this blade design oh shit burnham sonequa did well in her reaction to stabbing him. u can read the shock aand regret in her eyes forget klingons mirorverse starfleet is literally death. bat'leth? more like batshit. also this bridge oo whoa her bridge is on the bottom of her ship ooooo her warping oooo captain burnham but not how i thoughbt itd happen i feel like sonequa is better in this its crazy i feel like her as mirror self is better?

yes those HIGH boots sharp black and gold ugh. i love love LOVE the art department behind DISCO. hmm i feel like i see definite glimpses and glimmers of really quality stuff and quality delivery in this show but htey are very sporadic. spaced apart y inconsistencies and discrepancies. i think this sho wcouldve been much better ash and burnham - im sorry but who actaully, ACTUALY cares about them together. snoreeee s n o r e e e e e e um. lorca. is actually getting tortured. dude whta did i TELL yall. hes literally the one who gets pissed on fr fr 😭 damn. seeing lorca screaming. damn. id be surprised. but then again. he gets bashed all the time so. eh. ngl i feel like lorca gon die. but i wonder how.

damn.

[0nl0n]

ONION ONION

NEW AU ALERT ( THIS MIGHT BE LONG IM SORRY I-)

Alr ive ,thought about it and im calling it "mercurys lulaby "( idk if i spelled lulaby right)

Story:

So mercury was bullied alot in this au and he discovered his singing voice( the singing part is important but we'll get to that later)

After earth went a TINY BIT TO FAR, mercury just ran to the asteroid belt, far away from Jupiter and saturn

It took awhile but mercury managed to make a vacuum outa asteroids ( i ran outa ideas here)

He slooowly went near the sun where the sun couldn't see him, and uh-

Mercury like- sucked the light, and energy outa the sun, since the vacuum was pretty big

The suns colour drained, he was just.. Grey

There was no light no nothing, lets just say his personality drained too.

Everyone immediately noticed and freaked out, but then they heard something.

Mercury used his little song ( which didn't have lyrics, just vocalizing)

Everyone felt drowsy. Like the song was making them fall asleep

Mercury came out from behind the sun after each one fell asleep

He captured venus ( NO, THIS ISN'T VENCURY BTW)

and mercury took venus captive

The planets soon woke up, confused, and freaked out

Meanwhile with venus, he wasn't himself anymore, by that, i mean he was hypnotized, the real venus was in his mind if that makes sense, he could see what was going on around him but he just couldn't control himself

mercury had venus in a asteroid cage, mercury was thinking what he could do for revenge.

He looked over to the suns energy he collected. He grins at it

Meanwhile with the sun, he was almost lifeless, actually, he was slowly (LIKE REALLY SLOWLY) shrinking.

The planets where out of their orbits thinking what to do. Saturn was crying, the moon and earth were making up plans, and mars and jupiter were shook

so they needed to stop mercury as fast as possible.

Mercury didn't know venus was hypnotized, since venus was just sitting on the ground, lifelessly

Mercury angrily told him " JUST STAND UP WILL YA?! "

venus opened his well- purple and white eyes and just stood up

Mercury was a bit shook, but he grinned at himself thinking he could use this to his advantage

The planets were finding ways to stop mercury

Earth and mars went to the deep parts of the asteroid belt, planning to comfront mercury

mercury ended up capturing earth, leaving mars since he saw mars as a friend-ish

Earth was yeeted into the same cage as venus was, venus was just following mercury wherever mercury went ( again, not vencury)

Earth wanted to know what mercurys plan was

after that (this part will be simplified bc i don't want this to be too long)

Mars soon was captured with earth, ( TW:GORE MENTIONS INCOMING) mars got his eye r!pped 0uT. Mercury wanted to know their plans.

Earth was also harmed, his surface looking like hell

after that jupiter went into the deep part of the asteroid belt

mercury didn't take jupiter, instead he wanted jupiter to "join" him

Jupiter of course said no, like a normal person would

Mercury told him sm like " alr... Well then... How about a deal? How about we battle? Me, "earth and mars and Venus" vs, you and those idiots? If we win, i get to rule the galaxys. And the sun dies off. If you win. I will stop and return the suns energy. "

Jupiter shook his smol hands and yeah

They fought, mercury sadly died. Then earth mars and venus came back to normal ( oh yeah mars and earth were hypnotized too-)

The sun was back to normal. Except.. Mercury was gone.

yeah so thats it, im so sorry this was long- i just wanna share this au, even if im bad at making aus XD

Naw man I love this au 😭. Mercury's villain arccccc and the fact that my hc is that mercury ca n sing and make music, the au fits so well with my au. Now I he ugre to make an animation meme about this au 😌 wait a minute....THIS WAS EARTH'S FAULT DANG FAQ TERRA and dw about the gore. i liek gore 😃👍 i would even like to become a gore artist one day lol. (BTW, I don't like vencury unless it eros' love plan cause he's clearly got an arrow in his head 😑) imma make art of this lol

[mason-ajar]

Opinion/hcs for the idea that Swordflames (Xander, Yugo, Ukyo, and Quon) are in a polyam relationship?

i am very sorry for the long wait 😵‍💫 i just struggled to bring all my silly little thoughts together

here r just a bunch of random drabbles i have accumulated abt them over the past two weeks! may be ooc and cringe, but if you have been following my blog it’s kinda warranted by now.

fellow swordflames enjoyers pls add onto this if you’d like 🫶🫶🫶

- because my little brainworms said so xhaka and quon were already in a relationship beforehand! i do in fact make the rules.

- when quon does come back, ukyo has to deal with feelings of resentment before anything else. i feel like ukyo would struggle with thoughts of feeling inadequate in their relationship, simply because they met after the other three, and she’d absolutely not verbalize those emotions at all. communication is something that i think he’d struggle with.

- hm my thoughts r that xhaka’s the one that officiates their relationship. he notices how (despite all the scaring) quon and ukyo hit it off pretty well after ukyo resolves his resentment, and it’s hard to ignore yugo’s little puppy crush(es)

- ukyo’s main love language is physical touch: they love hugs, running their fingers through their partners hair, holding hands- u name it! and of course scaring the living daylights out of his partners.

- but im kinda stuck on what the others love languages would be lol.

- when quon comes back to the dojo, he isn’t accustomed to the specialized training regimen anymore. what i’m saying is that he spars with yugo and absolutely eats shit.

- i’m unsure if ukyo and yugo live full time at the dojo, but because i don’t care enough to look back i am simply going to believe it’s canon!

- even before they get together, they are always having silly little impromptu sleepovers; they definitely crash in xhakas room.

- when quon comes back they just have to get a whole new bigger bed bc they just couldn’t all fit comfortably on xhakas anymore 😭

- big spoon ukyo little spoon xhaka LMAOO they make it work.

- QUON AND UKYO MATCHING EARRINGS 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

- okok i really wish i could give you more substantial thoughts, but literally all there is in my mind is domestic fluff. i am just thinking abt them going on dates and their silly day to day shenanigans. like laundry, or their morning routine; them getting ready for the morning, cramming into the bathroom and smiling at each other in the mirror as they brush their teeth. them heading out to start practice and spar; ukyo’s on a winning streak until xhaka wants to spar with her, effectively breaking that streak. on slow days at the dojo they decide to end practice early and head to town even if just to walk or fuck around in a convenience store and eat snacks in the parking lot. or maybe they head down to the skate park and quon teaches the others how to skate, with ukyo, the ever-so graceful, struggling to stay balanced on a skateboard. yugo makes fun of him, but is still conveniently right behind for supposedly no reason. xhaka surprisingly picks it up best out of the three, and quon excitedly talks about how he should get his own board. they decide to go home before it’s too dark to safely climb the mountain, throwing their shoes off and immediately crashing once they get in xhakas room.

- sorry woah what just happened i just blacked out and there was a whole paragraph sitting in front of me

- segway into more fluff

- xhaka getting up earlier than the other 3 to make them a nice breakfast.

- yugo being awkward abt giving affection, but still finding other ways to be there for his partners. specifically i think he’d be a really good listener. sometimes he leaves notes in places he knows his partners will see. he doesn’t sign them, no one brings them up, but everyone knows who wrote them.

- also yugo watching youtube tutorials just so he can do ukyos hair in the morning..

- yugo trying to keep up a stoic appearance, but xhaka makes him laugh one day and he swears his heart skips a beat.

- quon seeing something that reminds him of his partners and buying it for them 😓😓 i am such a sucker for the “this reminded me of you.”

- xhaka having cute nicknames for them on his phone

- idk man something about yugo and quon just laying in bed and talking to each other. they r stuck in my brain.

- xhaka taking ukyos hands. no reason in particular, he just knows she’d would probably appreciate it. ukyo does, in fact appreciate it.

- quon and xhaka training some rookies, standing on opposite sides of the training room, smiling at each other.

ok thats it for now LOL i think they’re silly

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 10: BIG DICK IS BACK IN TOWN

y/n is back in brooklyn for the holidays. thinking that a stream will make her feel less homesick for cali, she starts working on her famously titled hentai.free.srv. what was supposed to be a relaxing stream turns into a special delivery about two hours in.

─── corpse husband x reader ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: 2.2k ─── ❥ req: Here's one... You know those apps for delivery like Domino's or whatnot... What if reader is streaming Among Us with Corpse, and reader mentions they're hungry and Corpse offers to order them food, and readers like no no it's fine... Then there's delivery at the door (Corpse ordered beforehand) 

author’s note: fucky format is also back in town baby!!! also if you find any mistakes - no u didnt <3 thank u everyone for enjoying this story sm i literally cant believe how feral yall going strawberry cow was a nuclear explosion im still recovering tbh. got an ask a while ago and decided to incorporate it into myso. happy holidays everyone! myso will continue on monday!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous.  ҉   next.

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Indeed, being soft on any social media platform was the biggest disgrace and needed to be eliminated post haste. Moreover, it was a slippery slope - once you start flooding your timeline with cute imagery and heart emojis, what will stop you from posting inspirational Facebook quotes? Disgusting. If Rae were here, she would chide you (not you thinking about her as if she’s dead or something). For once in your life, you feel like you deserve it. 

Alas, you hope this little chaos you’ve caused is enough to throw everyone off. The stans, especially. You know the hashtags, you’ve seen ARMY scourging for info online with the same fervor and ruthlessness 1 Direction fans hacked airport security cameras just to spy on the boys. If you had any dirty secrets online, they are out to the public now - thankfully, besides the Harry Styles stan account (with edits and all), you have nothing. Though, now that you think about it, exposed nudes would have been better than your Punk!Harry edit receiving almost a million views. God, your life’s a fucking mess.

Your fans aren’t the only ones out for info - you, too, are trying to decipher Rae’s message. Code: Barbecue Sauce. The two of you had come up with it roughly two years ago, around the same time when you promised that if you didn’t find significant others by the time you’re 40, you’ll just marry each other. It was one of the many rules found in your friendship codex. Barbecue Sauce signifies information - an exchange of information. And depending on how it ends or begins (”So I’m sitting there” alludes to Rae, “On my titties” alludes to you), secret data on that person is given away, usually free of charge. 

But why? And to whom did Rae give away what? You had pestered her mercilessly and even sent some voice messages where you were crying. You were only crying because of a video of a grandpa smiling you saw on TikTok, but you are a snake, and so you put those tears to good use. If streaming doesn’t work out, you’ll just become an actress. Hollywood would love you. Your PR firm sure as fuck wouldn’t, though.

Rae was having none of it. She said you’ll figure it out eventually. Told you to channel your superior puzzle skills. You were quick to remind her that you can barely count to ten without having an aneurysm. Oddly serious, she admitted that she worries for you sometimes. Why only sometimes?! you demanded. She merely sighed. uttering under her breath something that sounded closely to “Boke.”

You leave her for barely a week and she’s already neck deep in the gay volleyball anime, hoodie and cardboard cutout and everything. Your life is falling apart.

But Brooklyn is nice. It had snowed when you stepped off of the plane. Thousands of snowflakes sprinkling into your hair, dotting your cheeks and nose. You missed this sight back in Cali. You missed your parents, too. 

Home cooked meals, old sweaters, your old room and about 40GB worth of old high school pictures on your computer. You went through them all one night. Some were stomach churning, cringe inducing nightmares. You were especially fond of those. Texted some of your friends that were still in Brooklyn, met up, decided to bake. Bad idea, Rae was the resident chef back in Cali. Besides laughing till your stomach hurt, and almost burning down your kitchen, nothing all that significant happened. Somewhere down the line, at about 3 am, half-way through a cheesy rom-com you had the overwhelming urge to text Corpse.

That’s where the problems really started. God, you missed California, missed being in the same timezone with a guy you hadn’t even met yet, how embarrassing is that?! You missed skating around and taking pictures of the beach in the setting sun, sending it to him, silently wishing he was with you to admire the view. 

You really want to call him. And to hang out with him. But for some reason, the thought of that springs up immediate anxiety and you shy away from asking. Him sending you cute good morning texts doesn’t help, either. Maybe it’s better he doesn’t know that you’re a blushing, stuttering mess each time you read “baby”. 

Late evening. Your stream is already set up, people are slowly trickling in and you greet them with a grin and a soft “Hello! Hi hi!”. You did your best to make your room a perfectly chaotic backdrop - led lights, an embarrassing amount of anime merch and plushies. You always try to balance out your weeb side by dressing hot as fuck for your streams - today’s inspiration just so happens to be egirls. Mostly because you watched one too many egirl make-up tutorials on TikTok, and also because you’ve been listening to Corpse’s song all day.

Yeah, no, who are you kidding, you dressed up this way because you were hoping Corpse was watching your stream. You didn’t forget your cat headphones, either. You know he likes them. You want to make him suffer. Perhaps then, finally, he will ask you out, so you wouldn’t have to.

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“I feel like,” You start when you put away your phone, staring idly at the chat, “I feel like I need a new name for you guys. Calling you guys after two years of streaming is just... weird, no? I also don’t respect men so I don’t want to call you guys. Like, so many creator’s have, like, a name for their fans. Uhm, Cody Ko has the chodesters, Kurtis Conner has, uh, folks? Kurtis Town? Citizens! Markiplier has mommy issues--” You can’t help snorting, “So, I’ve been, like, thinking - I know, shocking! - so I was thinking I’m gonna name you cockroaches. Because you’re grimy little shits impossible to kill. And also then I can use the legendary Minaj meme ROACHES!”

Your stream enthusiastically echoes ROACHES, making the chat swim. Yes, if anyone would enjoy such a name, it would be your audience. You’re as equally proud as you are disturbed.

“Well, anyway.” Leaning back into your chair, you throw your arms out with a bright grin, “Big dick is back in town, baby! If you noticed the backdrops different, it’s cuz I’m in Brooklyn now. Don’t ask me when I will return to Always Sunny, I don’t plan that far ahead.”

While Minecraft boots up, you decide to answer a few questions.

r u dating sykkuno?

You want to smack your head into the keyboard, but as it is, you can’t exactly afford a new one, so you refrain, “No, Sykkuno and I are not dating, we are just good friends. Uhm, I’m not sure how much I’ll have to repeat this, but, we really aren’t, so if the roaches could chill - Oh my God, that sounds so stupid, I love it - uh, yeah, if the roaches could chill that’d be great.”

the roaches lmao sounds like we’re a sports team

“Oh shit, yeah it does, uh-- maybe I can make like, jerseys or something. That’d be cool, I think.”

how disappointed are your parents with the way your life turned out?

“My parents are actually not disappointed at all!” You say with a cute little smile, “Uhm, they’re both really proud, actually. They’re glad I found something I love doing and made a job outta it. Dad finds my Youtube videos endearing. Yes, they watch pretty much all of my videos, unless I explicitly tell them not to. And yeah, with all the fucks and thirsting for anime characters. Uhm, it was very embarrassing at first, but I mean, after a while, shame just...doesn’t exist anymore, I guess? Funny thing about my parents, actually, when they watch my videos-” You eye catches a comment, “Oh! No, they only watch my Youtube videos. They don’t know how to use Twitter, thank God. Uhm, anyway-- when they hear a name they don’t know, like, I dunno, Dabi, or something, they google--” You’re grinning by now, eyes crinkling, giggling softly, “--who that is, and buy me like, merch and stuff. It’s really cute. 

can i be adopted by ur parents plz

will you and corpse ever collab?!

You were about to answer, though the man of the hour himself decides to do it for you.

Corpse_Husband: yes.

Okay, not to say your heart skipped a beat, but it totally did. With a pleased smile, you nod, like one of those bobble head toys sold at the dollar store. The motion is oddly reminiscent of Sykkuno’s own nod. Perhaps you had picked it up from him. The chat seems to notice.

pack it up, sykkuno

More questions pile about this mysterious collab you and Corpse are planning. Yeah, you’d like to hear more about it, too, since he single highhandedly decided one was happening right now. Corpse remains silent. Fine, keep your secrets. 

“Okay, guys, oh, I mean, roaches, Oh my God--” You’re covering your mouth, giggling, “-calling all roaches, calling all roaches, calm down. Everyone grab a snack and a blanket I’m turning up the music volume so we can all chill. Entering chill zone. Entering chill zone. Roaches, prepare.”

we are prepared

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

An hour or so passes and you grow hungry. It shows with the amount of cakes you had baked in your server. Currently, you find yourself throwing eggs at the wall of one of the renovated houses, your face scrunched in concentration and slight frustration. 24 of the 50 eggs have been wasted. “What’s a girl gotta do to get some chicks around here?” you had uttered under your breath, until, finally, a screech - the egg finally spawns a mob. Your mouth falls open, “Aww, look!” You approach it, so small, walking in zigzags beside you, “It’s a baby chicken! Die, bitch.” The baby chicken is no more as you swing your bedazzled (you have mods) diamond sword. You’re cackling by the time the dust settles.

y/n is a child murderer

“Roaches,” You address your fan-base, spurring another fit of laughter - you can’t get over the name, “I think I’m like, forgetting that eating in Minecraft won’t actually make less hungry in real life.”

take a break and go eat queen <3

“Fuck no, we starve and die like men. Now I actually really need another chicken.”

Another twenty minutes trickle by and you’re trying to lure back a panda from the jungle when there’s a knock on your bedroom’s door. Whipping your head to the side, you slide down your headphones. At the same time, your mom pokes her head through the ajar door, “MOM!” You scream, “Get OUT of my room I’m playing Minecraft!” But your yell has no actual bite to it, as you don’t manage to hide your smile. Your mom laughs, doing some sort of sign language and motioning for you to follow her with her head. That or it’s some sort of performative dance. 

“I’m live right now,” You tell her, pointing at your screen. She knows this already, though, “do you want to say hi?” 

The roaches spam the chat with friendly hellos. You mom, quite impatient now, waves you over. 

“Sorry, roaches, mom needs something. Be back in a bit!”

Stopping the stream, you rush out of your seat and pleased she slinks into the hallway. “What’s this about?”

“Your pizza came.”

“My what now?” You echo, confused.

“Domino’s. You ordered pizza?”

“What? No? I was busy with the stream, I never--”

Thankfully, you had managed to grab your phone from your room before you exited. You almost choke on spit once you read the messages.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

You decide that it’ll be impossible to stream after experiencing what you had just experienced. You tweet out a quick apology to the roaches (God, that fucking name) and say that you had a breakdown but you’re okay. That is as a close to the truth as you managed to muster. It’s a sad sight, chewing and crying; your mom winced when she saw your state - disheveled hair and rundown eyeliner and everything. “D’aww,” She had muttered, caressing the top of your head, “don’t cry my little raccoon.”

If anyone was ever to ask you where did your chaotic nature come from, you’d answer with my mom. To make yourself feel better, you took a selfie - duck face and peace sign and the horrible 2000′s angle. Sent it to Rae. 

looking hot, her message read. 

thanks, was all you replied with.

You couldn’t just leave things as they were. Once you calmed down, you wanted to text Corpse, but how would you follow up the ungodly caps lock and screeching? Impossible. An idea sprung to mind, one that was brave. Taking the first step.

Instead of sending a text, you sent a voice memo.

“Thank you for the pizza, it was delicious.”

You voice still sounded a bit raspy. His reply was instant. Your heart skipped a beat. He sent a voice memo back.

“Glad you liked it, baby.”

He was going to be the death of you.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos - @fairywriter-oracle - @tsukishimawh0re - @ofstarsanddreams - @bbecc-a - @annshit - @leahh19 - @letsloveimagines - @bellomi-clarke - @wineandionysus - @guiltydols - @onephootinfrontoftheother - @liamakorn - @thirstyfangirl - @lilysdaydreams - @pan-ini - @mxqicshxp - @tanchosanke - @yoshinorecommends - @flightsandfantasy - @liljennyx3 - @slashersdream - @unknown-and-invisible - @sinister-sleep - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit - @unstableye - @simonsbluee - @shinyshimaagain - @ppopty - @siriuslystupid - @crapimahuman - @ofthedewthesunlight - @mythicalamphitrite - @artsyally - @corpsesimpp - @corpsewhitetee - @corpse-husbandsimp - @hyp-oh-critical - @roses-and-grasses - @rhyrhy462 - @sparklylandflaplawyer - @charbkgo - @airwaveee - @creativedogs - @kaitlyn2907 - @loxbbg - @afuckingunicornn - @fleurmoon - @yeolliedokai - @truly-dionysus - @multi-fandom-central707

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[geges]

how r u gonna be indigenous if ur asian ??? asia was never colonized stop appropriating terms that dont belong to u

thank you for the ask! ive been avoiding logging into tumblr for a couple days because i didnt want to deal with the incredible number of racist anons ive gotten, but this one question especially merits answering, so im breaking my “im not answering racist anons” and "log off for a bit when people are racist" rules! this one is gonna be kind of long, so it’s under a cut for the convenience of others. thank you again for your query!

ok uhm. anyways so in onmyoji i’m almost at level 59 which im super happy abt! I just hit 200 days iirc so i think thats p good progress, esp being in a v small guild w just friends. i love this guild sm but holy shit growing an acct in a tiny guild is hard. anyways . look at my sps

my pride and joy in this game is that i’ve managed to get TWO sp ubumes like. im shaking still just thinking about it. i love her so much. bt um. out of all my sps, only 1 ubume, shuten, and ootake are fullskilled it’s so bad. sp yama was my first sp and he still doesn’t have a single daruma in him…… child neglect. BUT !! i just got sp kingyo a couple days ago and im sooooooooooooo happy i love her so much shes the only sp i ever planned on sharding <3 she and kani-hime occupy my brain 24/7 theyre my daughters. my sp ren,,, he just kind of sits there honestly. being gay and whatever. miketsu sits there and activates my lesbianism but also does nothing outside of that. rn my skill plan is 12 to yama, 8 to kingyo, 12 to menreiki, and then start on my poor neglected ssrs, same priority w g6ing (ignoring the fact that i splurge g6d sp kingyo in a moment of weakness. a terrible decision but i stand by it). soul set wise,,,,,, i want to cry when i think abt their souls theyre genuinely so ugly it’s unreal. i have maybe two good souls and they just switch between whatever shiki im using at the time. i need to get off shadow souls so bad bro like literally all i use is shadow. im gonna try branching out to moving some shiki onto fortune cat, seductress, and fenikkusu, but I ,,, Dont Want To. OH ALSO LMAO I FORGOT ….. MENREIKI. so her event is going on rn, her sp JUST got released, and i got her on my 20th pull! I got a great haul this time with only 60 amus, im so happy mwah mwah rng gods kissing my forehead gently. anyways i finnaallly got a good dedicated puller, and she has a second life form!!! which fucks SO hard considering my teams main shiranui and sp ootake solely for their second forms. i love them so much theyre so fun. i cant wait to add sp menreiki into the mix in place of kamaitachi and make the most headache inducing realm raid team

but anyways. look at my ssrs.

here r my beloveds (sans ubume!). shiranui, kinnara, and enmusubi my loves <3 i will lay down my life for them. kinna, shira, orochi, and enmu are all fullskill, and once im done g6ing my sps im upgrading enmusubi and haku! those 5 r the only ones i use,, i definitely need to start using some more ssrs like menreiki, ootake, and higan, but im too poor to build them. ive had menreiki foreeeverr now, im planning on running her w dps sputen just to fuck with people, but shes completely unbuilt it’s so sad. that team is gonna be such a mess im planning on running the dps as menreiki, sputen, and shiranui. maybe kaguya and kamaitachi as supp once i shard kaguya. i will def lose most of the pvp i fight w that lineup but it wld also be so fucking funny to just bring a speeder/supp lineup that looks like a massive headache with looping but just put them on tanky slow dps builds. BUT! In the recent sp menreiki event, i got a bunch of new uncollecteds!!! i finally sharded hakuzosu (pls. pls his new skin is genuinely so…. god he deserves better), but i got ungaikyo from the frog collection scroll and miss suzuka gozen from the event scroll!! im soooo excited abt them, despite them being at the bottom of the ladder in building priority alksjflskjf. i desperately need ungaikyo to carry in a couple secret zones, but ill j have to wait a couple months until the shiki first in line are built. i dont rly have a use for suzuka atm, but i love her so much that i was gonna shard her right after kaguya :) because i have no fucking good orbers help me. but! in the event summons, i got a couple ssrs there too. uncollected was just ssr shuten, but i got dupe ibaraki, yoto-hime, and kinnara, all of which sans miss kinnara promptly got sold off to the shrine to feed hakuzosu. I have no use for double kinnara. I am building her regardless. i am in love with her

anyways im Planning on sharding kaguya and senhime. I just finished sharding haku, so i put feeding my sp yama on halt to get the lil fox boy up and running. I also rly need an orber that isnt oitsuki, so im gonna grab kaguya but im not v excited abt it. I definitely want senhime waaay moret but ,,, sadly orbs come first.

but !!!! that isnt the pride and joy of my acct !! the thing that keeps me going, the reason i wake up in the morning, the only true beauty in this world:

my ubume collection !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

like i said earlier, i already have TWO sp ubumes :) so i only need 3 sr ubumes for my dream team <3. so far i have 2 sr ubumes, i just finished building the 2nd and im ready to start on the 3rd!! i have all of her available skins, im just waiting for smth holy to come down and make NE give us her golden crane skin event again so i can get that.,,, the skin makes me act up so much it’s unreal shes so fucking gorgeous like

uuuwiuifossufoisudfoiasfpodiasoiudf ma’aaaam please ma’am PLEASE,,, i am BEGGING……. . but. anyways . here is the pride and joy of my pride and joy, the shining pinnacle of my ubume collection, the best part of the best thing in my life (ignore the crit oh my god please shes in the middle of being built plesae please its so embarrassing)

ubume wisteria guardian sjade skin!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE HER SJADE!!!!!! i feel delirious it’s so unreal i always thought there was NO fucking way i was ever getting her sjade bc it’s. u know. an sjade. it costs real money and im a f2p player, not to mention incredibly broke to the point that i cldnt be p2p if i wanted. I started playing onmyoji the week before her sjade came out and im not joking bro i spent literal HOURS staring at that thing in the shop just. in so much pain that she wld never come home. however, my friend, the magnificent, wonderful, amazing, godly, kind lao ying bought her for me!!! every single day i wake up and stare at wisteria guardian ubume and light a candle in my heart for lao yings spending habits. but also wish for her eternal health and happiness bc shes genuinely too nice for this earth. like. I know i go on “waaah i love my frieenddsss” rants a lot but also WAAAHHHHH I LOVE MY FRIENDS SO MUCH….. ok ok. if i think abt those freaks(honourary) for too long i’ll start crying so um. the point was. actually i dont rmbr anymore. ubume hot <3 anyways thanks for sending the dumbest fucking question imaginable, i enjoyed infodumping abt onmyoji. please use google instead of harassing random poc, menin akmak, chong rakhmat 🙏🙏🙏

[thesolotomyhan]

joining the dea and javier peña falling for you would include

a/n: first javier request and my soft clown ass did her best to bring this request justice for you corazoncitos,, wow anyways pls love me either way if this is actual garbage

taglist: @fandomnerd16 @visintaes @sheeshgivemeabreak @artemiseamoon @umvirgo @redhairedace

let me know if you want to be tagged!

ok so when i thought about this- my mind went straight to a slow b u r n relationship :))

because all i can think about is him not even realizing the moment where you- the very person hes been trying to avoid since day one- holds his entire heart in your hands

like him coming to the point where he notices hes so deep in love with you the very second he stared at you a little longer than usual,,

 not paying attention to what you said even though he was staring straight at your lips- 

and hes just over here like “fuck me,, this cant be happening-”

i laugh because i know he would start to get all nervous around you,, 

his tie feeling like its choking him when he tries to talk to you, becoming tongue tied,, when he had literally zero problems before talking with you- 

his palms sweating and getting so frustrated with himself,, especially when he looks over at you when you laugh at something steve or horacio said to you-

just wanting you to be laughing at something he said instead-

just the literal exact opposite feelings hes been trying to push away and convince himself he doesnt have has him beyond done with himself at this point because he knows theres no way out of this-

because?? since when the fuck ever did the javier pena start getting nervous around trying to talk to a woman and much less the person that hes supposed to be working with,, thats what pisses him off- 

and i would imagine him having this closed off connection with you since the first step you took in the office

because i have this thought in my head where javier wouldnt have liked the news of you joining the dea in colombia when he first heard about it

bc theres already so much stress going on from trying to catch escobar,,

and hes not about to have to train and catch your rookie ass up to them ya feel?

but woW does he realize he has it all fucking backwards about you when steve introduces you to javi when you get there-

like im not going to lie,, i can feel it in my bones that javier wouldnt really care when both you and steve are standing in front of him

i can just imagine him just glancing up,, looking you over once and just brushing you off,,

just giving you a short hello with like a forced smile and getting up,, grazing past you two-

and steves over here rolling his eyes like “dont listen to him, he can be an asshole,, but youll get used to it-”

i dont know- i get the feeling that you and steve would get along well since the start,, like the two of you becoming best friends:)

because he knows what its like to be in a different country and even more, what its like to be the rookie

so hes just having you always stick with him all the time,, being dea buddies :)) wow

but also having a good relationship with carrillo because i just know he would see something in you-

youre not the one to be a goody-two shoes like steve in the beginning and just by hanging around with you for 5 minutes,, he already loves you and is always with you on missions,,

like you becoming one of the people he trusts the most in the group :)

just- you befriending the whole office to the point everyone would come to you for literally anything-

i laugh imagining javiers amargado ass always being annoyed af by that,, because weve seen this man stress tf over escobar and bernas bs hes always pulling-

and hes just trying to be serious for once and not have this whole case drag on any longer than it has to the point where people dont come to him anymore- 

but listen- i can see you having this attitude with him all the time,, like challenging him everytime you interact with him,,

literally not giving 2 shits if he listens to you,, just getting under his skin and steves over here already on your side no matter what-

i cant-  imagining him giving you an attitude back,, pushing you away and sending you with murphy but

 :(( even tho he wont ever admit it then,, :( he lives for bantering with you because those would come to be the highlights of his day :((

like in those moments he slowly starts to realize unconsciously he doesnt hate you at all,, he just doesnt know how to handle these feelings he has for you because he gives me vibes of him never settling down-

but here he fucking is,, not even noticing that hes constantly looking at you,, sitting up straight when he sees you start to walk over to him :(

or like him muttering to himself,, trying to convince his mind that he doesnt and shouldnt see you in a romantic way-

but he just can’t help stop thinking about you,, the way you smiled at him that morning or that you chose to sit by him during a meeting- 

i dont know- im just emotional at the thought of him being so hopelessly in love with you,, like not even fighting it anymore because he cant

just him slowly coming around to being near you all the time,, and maybe just checking up on you,,

i CRY at thought of him becoming your number one hype man :((

like him yelling at everyone to shut up and listen to you when you have something to say about information-

the both of you smiling to each other,, like him nodding in your direction because he has your back :)) wow i aM SOFT

im fucking sorry but the way he has literal HEART EYES watching you talk in front of everyone,,

not even paying attention to what youre saying just focusing on the way hes never noticed the little details about you- i

this bitch is literally in a haze,, focusing all of his  attention on you,,

like he doesnt even notice when steve looks over at him and back to you,, smile on his face when he realizes what javis thinking about-

i cant- and him elbowing javiers side when you finish talking because hes not even moving from his spot,, still too embobado watching you like

“you fucking like her dont you?”- 

:((HOLD ON?? - I SOB at the thought of steve being the wingman because he just wants the best for both of his friends,,,

 he makes it his fucking mission to get you two together- :((

like im imagining him being the type to give you a note or something from carrillo or messina-

telling you to pass it on to javier even tho he’s literally like 4 feet away from you both lol

like hes just trying to push you two to spend more time together as much as possible-

woW because can you imagine you giving javier these smALL HEART EYES AS YOU WALK UP TO HIM,,

the two of you being stuck to the floor when youre giving him the note,, both of you waiting for the other to make a move first,, 

neither of you being able to get 2 words out to eachother even though you both would banter with each other before but now?? its a difference feel

and all the while steve is over here next to carrillo,, the both of them betting which of you two is going to do something first lmao

god im sorry but im :(( imagining you giving him a small smile and walking away buT javiers not even looking at the note because hes over here standing there,, not moving a single muscle,, just watchinG YOU LEAVE WITH THE BIGGEST HEART EYES WHEN YOURE NOT LOOKING AT HIM ANYMORE- :(((

oh my god, wow can you imagine steve getting connie in on this because hes just so done waiting and watching you both fucking struggle to get 4 words out to eachother- so much p i n n i n g

so like the two of them would definitely do this double date just to get the two of you together outside of work :))

but:) they would skip :)) halfway through the date or just not show up at all :)))

and have you and javier go on :)the date alone :)) so its just the two of you :) WOW

listen i dont make the rules but you and javier definitely walk in the next day together,, holding fucking hands perhaps?? im- i need to go sob

[jklovu]

I posted 123 times in 2022

That's 122 more posts than 2021!

55 posts created (45%)

68 posts reblogged (55%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@pure-vanilla-lilies

@yanderes-galore

@cosmica-galaxy

@marsti

@astupidweeb69

I tagged 58 of my posts in 2022

#homestuck x reader - 15 posts

#idv x reader - 11 posts

#homestuck matchup - 11 posts

#idv matchup - 8 posts

#identity v x reader - 5 posts

#hurricane - 4 posts

#homestuck - 4 posts

#hurricane ian - 4 posts

#karkat x reader - 3 posts

#hiveswap matchup - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 109 characters

#imagine going to file an appointment with ur dr and his background pic is a low-poly fantasy rpg game kingdom

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

10 notes - Posted September 28, 2022

#4

thinking about your fav idv character with a modern s.o that has skins based off of certain video game characters

just like, their in a match with s.o and s.o seems so giddy and happy for some reason and can't seem to sit still

...and s.o is just so happy because omg??? im wearing the clothes of one of my favorite characters??? (maybe not a wig but its like the same accessories and clothing)

idk ive been thinking about that for a while

13 notes - Posted September 5, 2022

#3

drabbles, hcs, and matchups!

hello!! ^^ i am roxxy (they/them)

here are some rules before you request...

REQUESTS WILL BE OPEN ON WEEKENDS(EST) <3

HCS/DRABBLES: available for both fandoms :))

MATCHUPS: available for both fandoms <3333

please do not send anything nsfw for homestuck AND identity V, no matter what. not comfy writing like that for them

no ocsxreader or ocxcanon...sorry

the max limit of characters is 3! these character can include characters from hiveswap/friendsim, as well as the alpha/beta kids, alpha/beta trolls, and hs ancestors! for identity v, pls specify if u wanna be matched with a hunter or a survivor!

my blacklisted characters as of now are vriska, the summoner, rufioh, kanaya, porrim, aranea, damara, and mindfang (as well as any minor characters ROMANTICALLY). sorry :(

my homestuck reader will be MSPA Reader unless stated otherwise and my reader will have they/them pronouns unless stated otherwise.

i will not do AMAB reader or a reader with he/him pronouns. this is because i feel i will not do AMAB readers justice :,) (i will do he/they readers, tho there might be more use of they/them pronouns compared to he/him pronouns in ur requested fic, sorry :(( this rule is an exception with matchups :) )

blacklisted topics: things regarding eds, pregnancy, s31fhrm (acceptation being about scars from s3lfhrm) ...yeah not comfortable writing bout those.

i have the right to delete and/or deny your asks without warning. if your ask hasn't been written yet, please dm me on the progress of the request.

side note(s):

if a pesterchum handle is needed i will give reader a random one at every fic! (for example in one fic readers handle might be something like unintelligibleSnail but in another their handle might be unholyJellyfish LMAO)

16 notes - Posted July 15, 2022

#2

some idv x modern s/o thoughts

random thoughts i think of for the idv x modern!idv s/o,,,,,

title: random idv hcs (idv modern!s/o)

NOT requested (requests r open for homestuck and idv!)

cw: kind of self-indulgent, swearing, mentions of s/o and their sibling insulting each other in a loving/joking matter, i think thats abt it? dm me if you notice anything else that needs a cw &lt;;33

includes hyperlinks to videos and images on yt and pinterest &lt;3

s/o prns: they/them (although wears feminine-like clothing)

thinking about when s/o joins the manor, its a surprise to see someone like them around. the way they dress to the way they act.

it...just doesn't seem natural.

their slang is unusual.

"yo andrew!!! was good?"

"huh?"

"ah, never mind."

thinking about s/o who has costumes for different types of modern fashion; they might have an outfit that contains a bright pink crop-top, black pants with an electric type pattern and a white jacket. other times, they might sport a black shirt with a black and white striped undershirt, a high-waisted black skirt, knee-high stockings and black shoes. however, most of the time its a casual outfit that has a (f/c) shirt with some ripped jeans with crocs.

speaking of crocs, thinking about an s/o that casually wears crocs.

"remember, gotta put these babies in four-wheel drive..." s/o said, taking their shoes of before moving the strip to support their heels.

"what are you even talking about?"

thinking about an s/o who joins the game as a hockey player, using their hockey stick to stun the hunters.

thinking about an s/o who has a younger sibling who is also in the game. sibling and s/o casually quote memes and lovingly insult each other.

"aye good morning kanye"

"shut the fuck up"

"theres no need to be so rude to your sibling (siblings name)! they didn't do anything!"

thinking of an s/o that listens to music to speed up the decoding process or their music can give them a healing boost, yet the music ranges from calm, sad, slow songs, to fast, loud rap.

17 notes - Posted September 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

hey! could i request a purple blooded reader x signless, x kankri and x meulin? all separate, please!! :)

hcs for the signless and kankri with a purpleblood!reader

(i didn't write meulin because i was having a hard time writing her and didnt want to half-ass her part,but i didn't want to leave this ask to rot because i really like it, i'm very sorry i couldn't fufill all of the characters D:)

notes: signless can be seen as platonic or romantic...i think thats it? reader has a typing quirk where they replace the letter i with '||', the letter L with "//" and they capitalize all letter e's.

ex. "hE//o! || am _____."

Signless

• it was certainly unexpected for a troll of your...hue.... to attend one of his sermons- nevertheless, he let you stay.

• he thought you were an undercover spy at first glance, but he believed that you could change for good of others.

• when you kept coming back to listen to him, he began to speak with you after the sermons.

• "thE ||dEa of a p//acE whErE my fr||Ends do not havE to worry about what thEy say to othErs or what thEy do bEcausE of thE||r b//ood co//or... makEs mE happy."

• he began to hang out with you more, asking for your opinion on current situations..stuff like that.

• maybe you can help your friends find a better home.

Kankri

• very much believes in 'treating you like everyone else no matter your hue.'

• ...your blood color is brought up very frequently...yeah...

• please??? tell him to shut up??? your relationship won't change because your a purpleblood???

• "kankr|| godamn vantas if you do not shut up in 2 m||nutEs || w||//// havE to k||ss you on your stup||d //||tt//E facE :(((("

• he loves you very much. do not let anyone else tell you otherwise. or do. and tell kankri. and he will talk them off.

29 notes - Posted July 31, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[erotetica]

holding a metaphorical knife to ur metaphorical throat to make u keep talking actually (hi this is marwankenzarisetc this is my main. im not threatening u out of the blue.) all of this is delicious bcc quynh . <- man who feels normal about everything just had an extremely well-adjusted emotional reaction to the mental image presented to him. tog2 is just that gif of kingston hitting jas with a kendo stick except its q&b and we all sit there and enjoy it deeply <3 OLYMPIC DARLING NILE. what i would rly enjoy is if olympic darling nile ends up joining some deeply gimmicky faction (think julia hart & the house of black) bc even tho she's just a really damn good wrestler she also loves a bit of fun.

i need you to talk most about luchador joe tho. everything else ive said up to this point has just been me burying the lucha joe lead.

are we thinking the whole nine yards flippy dippy shit beautiful mask highly perfected gear ? are we thinking rivalry with nicky while in the back nicky has this crush on this beautiful guy he hasn't seen around often and has never talked to but stares at deeply ? are we thinking joe being like dude this is getting to much why does di genova keep staring at me in the back. cant he keep it for the ring. all i know for certain is that i need (Need) joe to have tassels framing his ass and thighs

thinking abt where andy fits into all of this tho. part of me thinks she's one of those indies wrestlers who refuses to leave the indies partially on principle partially bc she way prefers her own schedule OR. she could be nile's sting. this might be getting out of hand

(x) U r coming 2 me in a constant state of drawing quynh in leather pride bullshit, which I never finish, but BY FUCK I'm starting another piece abt this. 

All I can think abt is yusuf in a mask that is also litham in that way, like, elaborate fashion editorial jewelry is influenced by the silhouette of hijab. Actually that's a lie I can also think about him freestyling at people a la Mohammed Ali, and putting cologne on his knees so headlocks are nice for both parties, and being an undefeated scamp. Lov this guy. And his assless chaps.

ANYWay I think luchador fits joe for the fast pace/style and nicky is an endurance test for him, in a way that makes their raven;s rules feud so annoying, which is already annoying bc neither of them wins more than once at a stretch. Joe hits alec-baldwin-in-the-spongebob-movie with a light bulb, he tells joe his rhymes are dumb. etc. Nicky blows him in an ER curtain-cubicle & joe is like 'oh, so you're certifiable' and writes his phone number behind nicky's ear in like, purple sharpie. (nicky: you just have a prison wallet of pastel markers on you 24/7? yusuf: what I'm hearing here is no one's ever asked you to sign anything. NARRATOR: THIS WAS TRUE)

cosigning your nile stuff. I wanna say andy has classic roots too, bc parallels?? She comes up in a trenchcoat like 'ey kid, do you want to wear studded gloves but like, for work?' and nile leaves skid marks towards the kitschiest adrenaline-junkie shit possible. 

[fading-lace]

basically me if i was in obey me-

Lucifer: ....what are you doing?

Me while putting my legs trough the sleeves of my hoodie:...nothing.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

me walking to the dinner table with taco bell in hand: hey guys!

levi: what the fuck is that your eating- it looks disgusting-

me: for your information, its a crunchwrap. so fuck off

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

me: lucifer pissed me off today

me: so i put mayo in his toothpaste 

me: and hot pink dye in his shampoo 

me: as well as turn off the water heater 

me: let me also remind you, its winter.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

me: hey asmo!! wanna go shopping!!

asmo: shopping for condoms? because i’ll be needing them tonight~ *winks*

me: *calls mammon to come rescue me*

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

me: *sitting in mammons room, helping him with his homework* 

mammon: ok...and what are your taste in men?

me: do you really need to know that for researching about humans?

mammon: either that or how much you piss and shit everyday-

me: cute, funny, tall, dominate, dork, to be more specific mammo-

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

me: *wheezing at lucifers reaction to calling him a boomer*

satan: whats wrong with her?

lucifer: i dont know, she’s been like this for a hour now-

me: *wheezing harder*

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

belphie: hey MC, how are you doing?

me: *fearful screaming in the corner while clutching onto a cross*

belphie: whats wrong?

me: *still screaming while calling up simeon and luke*

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

lucifer: do your homework.

me: no.

lucifer: you will fail this year if you dont.

me: ha! jokes on you!!! i somehow passed my 6th grade year without doing ANY homework!!

lucifer: ...

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

mammon: ok so what if we decided to sneak into lucifers room, and tried to steal his gloves so he wont wear them all the time!!

me: sounds stupid.

me: lets do it.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

levi: god, i hate haikyuu so much-

me: *hears him from two miles away and slams open his door* WHAT DID YOU SAY?

levi: i. hate. haikyuu.

me: *hits him with a pipe as well as proceeds to hit him with all my haikyuu merch* SAY THAT AGAIN, AND YOU DIE.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

me: *sneezes*

me: *gets a text from asmo, who is in the human world at the moment* 

asmo: bless you~

me: *fearful screaming*

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

me: mammon, i love you so much. i hope that we can spend the rest of our lives together as a couple.

mammon: *blushing* o-ok...

me: i love you..

mammon: i love you too..

asmo: *crying holding mammon at gunpoint* she’s mine you bastard- *sniff*

levi: *holding asmo at gunpoint* no, she is a weeb and i a otaku, she is clearly mine.

lucifer: *holding levi gunpoint*: i dont think so, im the oldest and i make the rules, and the rules are is that she is mine.

satan: *holding lucifer gunpoint* meh, i dont care for her romantically, i just wanted to see if you would shoot so then i could shoot you.

me: guys...i just said i loved mammon-  --__--

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

mammon: ok, and what is this? a dick?

me teaching mammon how to drive in the human world: no. thats the gear shift idiot.

mammon: oh.

mammon: car dick it is then-

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

me: *texting satan* satan come back!!!

me: im sorry that i said your books were shit!!!

me: please come back!!

me: its been two days!!

me: you left just like my dad did-

me: we still havent gotten milk

me: and its been nine years since he left..

me: i forgot what milk even tastes like..

satan: i literally went to the library, and i left thirty minutes ago- 

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

me finding out my birthday is a day after mammon’s: that explains E V E R Y T H I N G

me running over to mammons room and kicks down the door: MY BIRTHDAY IS THE DAY AFTER YOURS AND IT EXPLAINS WHY WE BOTH ACT JUST ALIKE BECAUSE WE BOTH ARE VIRGO’S AND TSUNDERES-

mammon: wha-

me: *runs back to my room to watch tiktoks*

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

me drawing a picture of me: ...

lucifer: what are you drawing?

me:....me-

lucifer: is there any chance you can draw me?

me, being the artist i am and actually HATING those kinds of questions: sureeeeee why nottttttt!!!

me: *draws him a low-quality picture with insulting shit on it* here you go!! *hands him the picutre*

lucifer: ...what is this? its horrible-

me: just like you-

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

[meltwonu]

s n a k e     |     e y e s     [chapter 4]

pairing; snakehybrid!woozi x female!reader

this chapter’s notes; 🥰💕 HELLO Y’ALL! Strap in for the longest chapter yet fdjhgkkhsf also just,,, i know hybrid aus are different and in the real life only female mammals go into heat but as u kno this is fiction and a hybrid au so for the sake of that, heat cycles r not gonna follow irl rules if u kno what im sayin!!! Also fingering and a little bit of dirty talk, and jihoon being a cheeky lil shit🥴🤤 again thank u all for taking interest in snake eyes!! 💕💕💕

chapters; 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - x - x - x

You try to avoid Jihoon for a couple days, going to the office building where you sometimes worked to try and buy yourself some time away from the snake hybrid. You can’t tell if he notices your eagerness to be away from home but you apologize to him in your head, leaving cash on the table for food when you leave in the morning for the third day in a row.

And although Jihoon may not mind your absence that much, your co-workers take notice of how often you’d been coming to the office lately.

“Is everything okay at home?”

You spin your chair around to face the cubicle next to yours, meeting the curious eyes of Seungkwan, a junior writer that had worked with you a few times. You worked as a journalist at a magazine company; sometimes taking the part of an editor when nobody was available. Thankfully, your job allowed you to work from home a lot of the time which you preferred, up until a few days ago anyway.

“Huh? Oh yeah, things are okay. Why, what’s up?”

“Nothing just… You almost never come in, like, 3 days in a row? Minghao was starting to get worried too, to be honest.” Minghao was the editor in chief at your magazine company and was actually a good friend of yours. You valued his opinion more than anyone as he was insanely level headed and always lead you in the right direction when you needed a helping hand. He also had a hybrid at home, which you had forgotten about until now.  

“Oh… I mean, my mattress has been kinda… y’know, getting old so…”

“What does that have to do with you coming in 3 days in a row? Really, are you okay? You’re not making much sense...”

“I--I think I need to talk to Minghao.”

Knocking on Minghao’s office door, you try to balance the two cups of coffee in your opposite hand, making sure they don’t spill as you grasp the door knob.

“Come in!”

Pushing the door open, you shoot Minghao a lopsided smile as you hold up the coffees, kicking the door shut behind you.

“Wow, can’t say I’m surprised.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… 3 days in a row? Something’s… off.” You sigh, setting the cups of coffee down on Minghao’s desk before sitting down in one of the seats across from him. “Is it really that obvious?”

“Well.. the last time you came in this often was when you broke up with your ex… What was his name? Soonyoung?” The name strikes a chord inside you, almost dropping the cup in your hand when you bring it to your lips to take a sip. It’s not that the relationship with Soonyoung had gone sour necessarily, in all honesty it was better than the two of you had broken up because both of you were too focused on your jobs to be in a relationship at the time. However, it still had been somewhat hard to get over; you were used to having Soonyoung around in your life and apartment and having Jihoon around was surely filling in that space lately.

“Uh, yeah, that’s him. I mean, I just… I have some questions if it’s okay?”

“Yeah, of course. We’re friends before co-workers. What’s up?”

“You… have a hybrid too, right?”

“I do… wait, you said ‘too’. Did you get a hybrid? Is that why you’ve been so out of whack?”

“Well, I did... His name is Jihoon and he’s a snake hybrid.”

Minghao can see you fidgeting from across the table, his eyes focused on the way you can’t even make eye contact with him. “He’s not… hurting you, is he?”

“What! No! Never, he’s really kind and…” You trail off, a blush creeping onto your face the longer you simmer in your own thoughts.

“Let me guess, you like him like him, don’t you.”

“I’m screwed, aren’t I?”

When you get home from the office, the sun’s already been down for a couple hours.

You’d taken the longer way back, thinking about everything you and Minghao had talked about and making some decisions for yourself before making it home. You even stopped at the cafe, grabbing a small dinner and checking to see if the cute barista Jun was around. Sadly, he was not.

“Jihoon, are you here?”

“In the bedroom!” Trudging over, you see Jihoon exiting from the attached bathroom, wiping his hands on a towel. “You got back just in time. I… um, ran you a bath! It’s still warm so…” He trails off, sitting quietly on the bed as he watches your eyes flit from the bathroom to him.

“How’d you know I’d get back around this time? It’s very sweet of you Jihoon but also… why?” The snake hybrid fidgets, hands curling around the hem of his sleeves. “Um… I dunno, you seemed kinda tense lately. And you always do nice stuff for me so I wanted to do something nice for you.  And you always come back around now, kinda. Guess I was just taking a chance?”

Any coherent thoughts leave your brain at how cute Jihoon is, a serene sigh leaving your lips as you step closer to him sitting on the bed. You run your fingers through his hair as he leans into your touch, wrapping his hands around your waist as he pulls you in closer.

“Hmm…”

“Something the matter?”

“You… don’t smell like you lately.” You break into a bit of a cold sweat, fingers pausing against his scalp. “O-oh.. I thought you said your sense of smell was better with your tongue?”

“Well, yes, but that doesn’t mean my nose doesn’t work. And you smell like… other people. It’s weird. I’m not used to that.”

You blush again, pulling away from Jihoon as his hands fall from your waist.

“I should take that bath you ran for me while it’s still warm then, huh?”

“Mmhmm.”

When you exit from the bathroom, Jihoon’s already under the covers waiting for you.

“Already going to bed?” He nods, a yawn on his lips as he tugs the covers higher up onto his body. “Did you eat already?” Jihoon nods again, patting your side of the bed.

You slide into bed next to him, eyes drawing random shapes onto the ceiling as you lay there wide awake.

“Hey Jihoon?”

“Hmm?”

“Can I ask you something?” The snake hybrid turns to face you, turning onto his side as you do the same. “Sure, shoot.” You feel nervous; thankful that it’s dark so he can’t see the way your skin flushes red. “I… sorry if this is stupid of me to ask but you… don’t go into heat, do you?”

Jihoon’s quiet for a moment, a cold hand wrapping around your wrist as he tugs you closer to him. “I can feel you getting warmer cause you’re probably embarrassed. It’s okay to ask. But can I ask why you’re asking?” Clearing your throat, your eyes adjust to the darkness, staring Jihoon straight in the eyes.

“Oh, I was talking to my f-friend earlier who has a bunny hybrid and… he said that his bunny hybrid goes into heat and I was just wondering? He makes his bunny hybrid take suppressants for his heat and I just… I guess I could’ve looked it up but I figured it’d just be better to ask you since we never really talked about it and it’s been a couple weeks since you’ve started living with me.” Jihoon processes your words, puffing his cheeks up in the darkness as he thinks.

“Technically no. I mean, like I’ve said before I don’t really have many snake-like features anyway so even if we did, I probably wouldn’t. But no… if there’s anything, I’ll probably be, um, a little sensitive to you--your, uh… cycle. Cause… smells and stuff.” This time it’s Jihoon’s turn to blush as he mentally kicks himself for his questionable reply.

“O-oh. I see… I mean, okay. That’s good? I mean, oh my god, about you not having to take suppressants! Not about… the other thing.” You can’t help but think that it’s been weeks since Jihoon started living with you which meant you’d already gone through a cycle and Jihoon hadn’t said a word about it.

“Yeah, I mean, I probably would’ve told you otherwise if it was a problem, I guess. But anyway, do you have any other pillow talk questions?”

“Um…”

“For the record, my dick is normal.”

“Jihoon!!” You can feel yourself start to sweat under the covers, mind conjuring up all sorts of inappropriate scenarios until Jihoon laughs out loud, his cold hand sliding under your neck as he wraps his other hand around your waist, effectively drawing you into him as he holds you tight against his chest.

Eventually all you hear is his steady breath, the quietness letting you know that he’s fallen asleep.

A few days pass since then, and you’re thankful that things go back to what you consider normal as you set up your work space in the living room. You’d texted Minghao a few times earlier, letting him know that things were getting better at home and that maybe he and Chan could come over for lunch sometime the next week. He agrees, telling you he’ll text you his free dates when he has time.

Jihoon was still asleep even though it was already closing in on 1PM in the afternoon. But you had chosen to not wake him up, letting the male sleep in as long as he wanted while you worked on a new draft for an article.

But it’s when you get up to make another cup of coffee after 30 minutes of working that you’re hit with a wave of arousal out of nowhere; body heating up in an instance as you feel wetness pooling between your thighs. Instead of making another cup of coffee, you immediately pick up your phone, swiping until you find your period tracker to check the dates. Fuck, you think, this would fucking happen to me after I fuckin’ asked Jihoon all those stupid questions!

The panic hits you like a ton of bricks when you hear the bedroom door opening. You wonder if there’s time to run out of the door and hide for god knows how long before Jihoon even sees you. But in the time it takes you to figure something out, Jihoon steps into the living room, hair still messy from sleep as he stretches. You watch his movements, hyper aware of the fact he can probably smell you to some degree from where he stands. And it was fine when you didn’t know he was sensitive to your cycle but now you did know which made things a little more complicated.

“Did you already make lunch? I’m starving.” Your throat feels dry, but you try to compose yourself to the best of your ability. You almost wish he hadn’t said anything about being sensitive to your cycle in the first place because the hyperawareness was apparently already eating you alive.

“Oh, um, I can make some now actually! I was just about to! I’ll let you know when it’s ready!”

You all but power walk towards the kitchen, not waiting for his reply as you focus on making something to eat; hoping the smells from the kitchen bury the smell of you ovulating to his sensitive nose.

Jihoon is normal for the rest of the day, albeit you’re on edge. Regretfully, your conversations throughout the day are clipped, mentally apologizing to Jihoon again for your weird behaviour even if he seemed to be taking everything well. Your panties had been annoyingly wet all day, even when you’d gone to change them and it was almost time for bed again which had you panicking yet again.

You take your time to get ready for bed, slightly avoiding Jihoon until you realize there’s no getting out of it. There was a second where you debated asking him to sleep in his old room but it’d been so long since he’d slept there that you felt bad for asking.

When Jihoon calls your name, you exit the bathroom, turning off all the lights before slipping into bed next to him. You feel like a plank of wood next to him, awkwardly stiff as he tries to get you to face him.

“Hey…”

“Yes, Jihoon?”

“I don’t want you to feel awkward even though you’ve kinda been all day… It’s okay, y’know.” You turn away from him, facing the window in your bedroom. You can see the moonlight filtering in through the curtains and it distracts you for a second but you think about how you could cry at how genuinely sweet Jihoon was, even when you were being aloof all day. “Sorry it’s just… You’ve been here for weeks which means you already had… had to deal with me going through it once and you didn’t even say anything? I should’ve asked you sooner cause now I don’t know if you were okay and now that I know you know and you’re sleeping next to me still and I--”

“Shh, it’s okay, it’s okay!”

Jihoon presses into you from behind, the coolness of his body permeating his sleep clothes and cooling down your heated body even just a little bit. “I was okay last time too. Like I said, if there were any problems I would’ve told you right?”

“Yeah, but--”

“No, no buts! It’s fine, really. If I’m being honest… it was kind of nice. You got extra warm during that time. Sorry if that’s kind of weird. Guess you can say I’m an opportunist.” There’s a slight chuckle to his voice as he wraps an arm around your waist. It’s silent for a beat as you slightly relax in his hold.

“Jihoon can I ask you another question?”

“Shoot.”

“Did you… um, were you like this with any of your past owners?” He sighs, nuzzling into your neck as he stares out window with you. “No. Never. Honestly, I’m a little shocked at myself too. But I guess it’s also because I spent most of the time alone when I was being adopted into other homes. You’re the first person who’s adopted me that’s around my age and… genuinely nice. I don’t feel like a show animal here.” The two of you fall into the first comfortable silence all day; Jihoon’s fingertips playing with the material of your sleep shirt.

“Can I try something?” You hum at his question, muttering a small ‘okay’ under your breath.

Jihoon starts slow, cold fingertips lifting your shirt inch by inch underneath the covers until your sleep shorts are exposed to his wandering hand. You can already feel your breath getting caught in your throat as his cold digits skim the waistband of your shorts. “Is this okay?”

“H-huh?”

“I need to know if this is okay, before I continue. I don’t want you to think I’m taking advantage of you because of what I said earlier.” You gulp hearing his words; technically, you’d both benefit from this.

“I… yes, I’m okay with this Jihoon. Please… continue.”

The snake hybrid is silent afterwards, his lips pressed against your clothed shoulder as his hand dips into your sleep shorts. His gentle touch has you moaning softly, eyes fluttering shut as you let him explore.

“You’ve been wet all day, haven’t you?”

“Uh… Uh-huh…”

“It’s cute you were trying to hide it like I didn’t already know.” His words are muffled against your shoulder, lips curling up into a cheeky smile that you can’t see. “I gotta be honest, I kind of regretted telling you at first, y’know? You were more open when you didn’t know. I was sad seeing you all clammed up and trying to hide from me earlier.” Jihoon’s fingertips press into the wet spot on your panties, garbled noises muffled by the pillowcase as you press your face into it slightly.

“I--Isn’t this w-weird?”

“Hmm? What’s weird about it?” Your body's on fire under the bed sheets and Jihoon’s touch and he’d barely even done anything to you yet. “I mean, y-you said you’ve never done this but---mmh, you seem so okay with it, J-Jihoon.”

His fingers play with the hem of your panties for a second before they slide against your skin, dipping deeper and deeper until they meet your wet folds. You moan, already rocking against his hand as you search for more contact. “I’m not completely inexperienced. And let’s be honest, hasn’t there been some tension between us anyway?” You almost grimace, knowing damn well you were suffering from your inappropriate dreams and your long ‘baths’ you would take to relieve yourself hoping he didn’t notice. But you also are surprised to hear that he, too, was feeling something towards you.

“Oh, uh… that’s...”

“Mm, I’m really sorry but your long ‘baths’ weren’t really fooling anyone you know.”

The embarrassment from his comment dies immediately when his fingers slide through your folds, spreading your wetness from your hole to your clit before rolling the nub between his fingertips. You moan Jihoon’s name, begging him to touch you more.

He indulges you, coating his middle finger in your wetness before easing it into your pussy. You immediately clench around the digit once he’s knuckle deep, whining when it’s not enough. Jihoon laughs slightly, pumping the digit in and out as he thumbs your clit.

“You’re so eager considering you were hesitant about this. Wanna talk about it?”

“Ngh, can--can we do that later? I’m so s-sensitive right now, Jihoon, I already feel like cumming… Can you… can you talk to me instead?”

“Aren’t I already doing that?” His cheeky reply has you whining again but he eases another finger into your pussy, scissoring the digits inside of you. “F-fuck, you know… what I mean. Please!”

“Is that what you like? Dirty talk?” He nuzzles into your neck, kissing the exposed skin before his lips travel up; kissing the shell of your ear. You hadn’t noticed at first but his body temperature is akin to yours now, the heat making you sweat a little as he fingers you under the sheets. “You know, sometimes when you sleep you make these cute little noises… They sound like pretty moans sometimes and it makes me wonder what you’re dreaming of when you’re wrapped up in my arms.” The wetness between your thighs is obscenely loud when Jihoon thrusts his fingers harder and faster into your pussy, your moans and whimpers mixing in.

“You smelled so good last time too. Maybe it’s just instinct but I really wanted to taste you. Maybe I could taste how sweet you really were if I had said something sooner? I’d get you to cum on my tongue over and over again and then lick up all that sweetness ‘til you’re begging me to stop.” His dirty words are whispered softly into your ear, small kisses in between as he tastes your warm skin.

For once, you really hoped this wasn’t a dream.

“Mmh, Jihoon, I’m--I’m gonna cum…!”

The snake hybrid doesn’t reply, instead rubbing your clit harder as he continues to thrust his fingers into you. And although you weren’t reciprocating anything, Jihoon felt good too, the warmth from your body making him feel comfortable and at ease.

When you finally cum around his fingers, you whimper his name, toes curling as your legs clamp around the hand between them. You can feel your breathing stop for a second as your orgasm crests and Jihoon can feel your walls throbbing around his fingers, a small groan against your ear as he slows his movements until your orgasm starts to ebb away. You don’t really know how much time has passed but the stickiness between your thighs starts to feel uncomfortable as you shift slightly; Jihoon’s fingers still inside of your pussy.

“Ji--Jihoon…”

“Hm? Oh, right.”

He eases his fingers out of you, a whimper escaping your lips at the sensitivity.

Jihoon brings his fingers up to his face over your shoulder, your wetness coated all over the digits as he brings them to his lips. You turn your head slightly, watching him through sleepy eyes as he laps at them, cleaning each finger meticulously as he moans. You almost hate the way you already crave his touch again just from the sight.

When he deems them clean enough, he smiles, satisfied. There’s a yawn on his lips afterward, his arm easing your shirt back down as he wraps an arm around your waist again. You lay there for a few minutes, feeling the urge to sleep pulling you in. But you try to get up to get cleaned off, finding yourself already locked into Jihoon’s hold as the male has seemingly already fallen asleep within the few minutes since.

You sigh, easing into his hold as you toss the idea of even trying to get cleaned up out the window. You lay there thinking about all the things you and Jihoon would need to talk about in the morning; thousands of different scenarios flitting through your mind of how it could go. You momentarily think of all the questions you want to ask Jihoon as well. But sleep eventually finds you, eyes drooping shut as you finally welcome it.

[meganaut]

THE

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO lets get ROIIIIIIIIGHT INTO THE NEWSSSSSS. Where's Pepper Adventure? On hold. Yes baby i am once again putting MORE PROJECTS ON ***HOLD*** HOLY [[smoked salami]]. I think I'm just burnt out on working on games and big projects. Right now in this moment in time, I can't enjoy the work I do anymore. I can't work on games or comics anymore. I've found myself more enjoying the idea of a game/comic moreso than actually working on it. I think I really fucked myself over by working on a webcomic non-stop and then making 2 whole-ass games and trying to work on a third one. I think I just need time and space away from "worky" things. My capitalistic desires of productivity have to be put on hold... For now. If anyone is looking forward to Pepper Adventure, I'm really sorry. You can take solace in the fact that its not cancelled. I absolutely wanna finish Pepper Adventure, its just too great of a project for me to ignore. Too great and too do-able of a project. I just need time to recover.

I know I don't update my blog often, but if you like livestreaming, I'm (mostly) active on my youtube channel over here! I've been doing a lot of livestreams lately and I've been enjoying it! It's fun to talk to myself and pretend I have an audience and am in desperate need of psychiatric help. In all seriousness though, I have been having fun doing streaming. Even when nobody shows up its just nice to sit around and talk to myself and play a game I do (or don't) enjoy. Its been nice. If you do wanna see more stuff from me, your best bet is that youtube channel. Not only do I stream there on weekdays (sometimes), i also upload edited videos of my shenanigans in games. You can find all my past streams here! Lets talk card games

After playing Inscryption I've found myself absolutely enamored and infatuated with the card game genre. I've played tens of card games, even obscure games like the Pokemon Trading Card game. I've tried dozens of card games and man, I just can't get enough. Also there's a shit ton of games that mimic most of Hearthstone. B r e h The card games I've found myself enjoying most are: GWENT Pokemon TCG (yeah im serious) Inscryption (what a fuckin game bro) Mythgard (bruh moment) Elder Scrolls Legends (yuh)

Here are my indepth thoughts on the games:

Gwent:

is fucking good mate. I've played quite a few card games, many I like, many I absolutely dislike, but Gwent is the one I've been coming back to more than the others. Its a simple card game. The object of the game is simple, get a higher number than your opponent. Each card has a number, each number contributes to your overall score. Just get the highest score and WIN. Its that simple. What makes Gwent great is that each card has different abilities and stats that allow it to do different things under certain conditions. Some decks straight up have their own abilities and stuff they can utilize. Gwent is what I consider a deceptively simple game. Its easy to get into. And you can pull off so much shit with cards. I don't want to say its complicated, but it can be. Not like Yu-Gi-Oh though, I hate Yu-Gi-Oh. That shits REALLY complicated. If you ever wanna try out a card game that isn't Hearthstone, Gwent would be my recommendation.

POKEMON Trading Card Game:

is a card game that exists. No really, its real. They don't actually sell Pokemon cards for the sake of selling Pokemon cards. They actually have a game to use those cards in. I know, its absolutely INSANE. Its gameplay is pretty unique. You draw cards, you use Pokemon cards to battle for you (just like the real games). However, you also draw energy and Trainer/item/whatever cards. The energy cards you put on your Pokemans to allow them to do moves (and retreat). I could go on and on about the rules since its a bit more complicated than Gwent. The object of the game is to defeat at least 6 of your opponent's pokemon. For me personally, this game allows more skill and thought than the OG pokemon games would allow. Instead of JUST 6 pokemon, you can have a ton more at your disposal (you can only have so many benched tho). Since each Pokemon has only 2 moves (sometimes 1), you have to REALLY strategize what to do at every turn, maybe switch out Pokemon and stuff, maybe use a Trainer card to heal your pokemon. There's a lot that can go thru your head in a game of Pokemon TCG. Its nice. Sadly you kinda get jackshit in terms of actual Pokemon cards when starting out. You'd have to grind a bit in the online mode and hope you can win with your wimpy starter decks. I haven't played too much of this game, but I can safely say I enjoy the game for what it is. It might not be my first recommendation for bestest card games, but its definitely on the list. You can't do much in the game if you don't sign up with the website. Its nothing unusual, but I feel you should keep that in mind that you gotta create an account first.

Inscryption:

i'll say more about this later cuz im not gonna re-edit this post lmao

Mythgard:

is good... with a pretty big fuckin caveat. There's a lot of Hearthstone games out there that take more than just a "little" inspiration from it (and i guess MTG by proxy). Mythgard is no different. However, Mythgard does quite a LOT to stand out from the crowd. You can move your cards around when they're on the battlefield, you burn cards in order to raise your "Mana" bar. There's a lot going on in Mythgard. Its a pretty fun game, I don't go too indepth with it since its mostly the same Hearthstone stuff that you'll recognize immediately. Plus, I haven't played as much of it as I would like to. I would recommend this game... But there's a BIG caveat with it. You have to register an account with them. Now this doesn't sound too bad, after all I mentioned that the Pokemon TCG does the same thing. Why is Mythgard different? Maybe I'm just paranoid but when a SMALLER game company that I have never heard of asks for my personal email account I get kinda... Sketched out. I don't know if other people feel the same way, maybe its just me but I would consider that kind of a catch in Mythgard's case. I might say "fuck it" later and sign up just to play more of the game. I genuinely enjoy Mythgard but I would be wary of that kinda thing if I were you.

Elder Scrolls Legends:

Once again, another Hearthstone type game. Its not bad though. It has a singleplayer campaign that is really interesting to go thru. I found myself enjoying this one the most out of the Hearthstone-like games for some reason. There's 2 lanes you can play in that alter the gameplay. One of them gives you a stealth ability that basically makes your card unable to be targeted or hit until it attacks. Sad that the game is no longer being worked on and has been mostly abandoned for a couple years now. Its pretty fun. I'm kinda getting tired of writing so I'll just leave it at that. On the topic of Inscryption tho. Man. MAN. M A N . what a game. No spoilers, since I truly believe Inscryption to be a game worth playing blind for. More than Undertale/Deltarune. Its just THAT good man. Absolutely love the simplistic gameplay in the game. I was thrown off quite a bit when the game kept... Well, "changing". But I eventually grew to like the entirety of the game. I cried like a bitch when it was over. Not on stream, sadly. That would've been good content. I cried a day after the stream.

I absolutely wanna say I want to update this blog more often. But at this point every single blog entry I make ends with that condolence. I'll make no promises. Keep gaming, fuckers.