#those of you who have been following me for 10+ years can you believe it 😭😭😭😭😭 back when lok first dropped i was still in college...
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therentyoupay · 5 months ago
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Hello, Kris! I think I might’ve already gotten the gist of it, but it’s been some time. What exactly IS Academia Mode? Are you still in school, or is this your actual job, and it just happens to be involved in the education system?
Many thanks!
hahah no worries!!! that is a good question 🤣😭😭🙏 for me, academia mode is currently finishing the 5th and final year of my doctoral program and includes (but is not limited to lol):
data collection, analysis, write-ups
writing python programs to support my data cleaning, data coding, stats, and data analysis/visualizations
applying for GRANT MONEYYYY
submitting abstract proposals to conferences (and applying for MORE GRANT MONEYYYY)
reporting research findings (writing journal article manuscripts, preparing conference slides)
writing my actual dissertation manuscript lol
supporting and instructing my research assistants
sharing my research with mainstream public audiences
writing my non-fiction book based on my ongoing dissertation research
teaching classes, grading papers, holding office hours, fielding emails, writing letters of recommendation for all sorts of students' fellowships/grad admissions/grant applications, teaching students how to strategize their personal statements, grant purpose letters, and other aspects of apps, etc.
peer-reviewing others' journal manuscripts, providing feedback to colleagues (blind review or not)
assisting with my advisor's research and textbook manuscripts (proofreading, copy-editing, internet sleuthing, finding more up-to-date citations, occasionally writing rough drafts)
writing chapters for edited volumes on various topics
READING. all the time. reading new literature and research articles constantly. ALL THE TIME. writing 1-pagers and mini-annotated bibs for future lit review use, etc.
WRITING. all the time. professional-speak, academic-speak, insructor-speak.
getting paid to travel to conferences to present my research (GRANT MONEYYYYYY)
by may 2025, i'll be a Ph.D.!!!!!! [screams]
academia mode! ✨🤣🤣🤣😭🤣💕 every day, i think about how lucky i am that i get paid to do what i do 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 hope you are having a magnificent day, and thank you for the ask!!
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5sospenguinqueen · 9 months ago
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Bedtime Stories | Daniel Ricciardo x Author! Reader
Summary: For the past six years, you've been dreaming of a future with Daniel. Until one silly little interview shatters every illusion.
Warnings: Swearing. Angst. Baby fever. End of a relationship. Daniel bashing.
Female reader with various faceclaims. Takes place in the 2022 season.
Main Masterlist
next.
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User 2 no, it's not an announcement. her best friend is currently pregnant and she was gushing about looking forward to aunty duties
User 3 omg her and daniel would make the cutest babies though
→ User 4 i bet she can't wait until they have their own mini-me
User 5 imagine our rom-com queen going from writing the cutest but filthiest fiction imaginable to writing about why you should eat your carrots
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22•05•22
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User 6 i can't believe this man was talking about being in the height of his career when he's been nothing but a flop since leaving red bull
User 7 the way he's been stringing this poor woman along for 6 years, knowing how badly she wants children, to then decide in a random interview that he's never going to have kids because they would be a 'distraction'
User 8 fans spotted y/n running from the pits once she saw that daniel was safely done with racing
User 9 i fear we may be witnessing the downfall of something we once held sacred
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16•06•22
fallontonight just posted
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fallontonight did you know @ YourUser Name was once chased by a kangaroo? find out how in tonight's episode of The Tonight Show 📚🦘
4,477 comments
YourUserName thanks for having me! ✨
User 11 excuse me, ma’am, reassess what
User 12 daniel has been absent from her last 3 posts
→ User 1 not even in the likes or comments
→ User 2 and he didn't even congratulate her on the recent book launch
→ User 3 ya’ll are reaching. he's busy racing. she's busy doing book promo. they still follow each other
User 4 anyone notice she didn't look as happy as she usually does
→ User 5 yes! and i swear she got teary when talking about her life plans 🥺
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YourUserName just posted
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YourUserName my happy place 🌊🐚🦀 Aug '22
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User 6 does this mean a new book is coming soon
→ User 7 girl, we’ve just had one. let the woman rest
→ YourUserName sorry, my lovelies but i don’t think i'm in the right headspace to being right a romance novel at this time
→ User 6 confirmation??!?!
→ User 7 we’re children of divorce
→ User 8 honestly fuck those two because i couldn’t have cared less about vroom vroom boys until mother started dating one and now i'm crying in class ‘cause they’re over
landonorris get that bread, queen 🍞
→ YourUserName who let you out of daycare
→ User 9 not y/n and lando interacting like she didn’t break his teammates heart
→ User 10 more like his teammate broke y/n’s heart. let's not make daniel out to be the victim here
kellypiquet p said get writing those children’s books so she can brag about aunty y/n to her friends
→ YourUserName my sweet girl. i saw the cutest dress the other day for her so I’ll pop round soon x
→ User 11 i love their friendship
→ User 12 get this woman a child. She’s too sweet to be stuck in cool aunt mode forever
User 13 anyone notice she didn't do her annual birthday post for daniel?
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04•09•22
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User 14 no because the interviewer was so real for that. checo has a few children and he’s currently 2nd best. max is nowhere to be seen on the grid he's that far ahead and he makes sure p is his priority when she’s there so???
→ User 15 and the way he stormed out. i bet PR are sooo happy with him
User 16 nah because mclaren recently announced that they’re not extending his contract so he currently doesn't have his seat and doesn't have his y/n, all because he thought he was better than that
YourUserName posted a new story
danielricciardo posted a new story
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danielricciardo yesterday was something. p17 wasn't the result we were expecting, and the media were a challenge but it's always a delight to be in Suzuka. Moving on to the Americas
5,509 comments
User 1 maybe if y/n was there, you wouldn't have done so badly
User 2 maybe if he had a baby waiting in the paddock he would’ve had more incentive to do better
mclaren we’ll get them next time 💪
User 3 letting mclaren and lando down
→ User 4 the real reason he and y/n broke up is because he has no wins. she should move onto lando or something
→ User 5 he’s way too young for her
→ User 4 they'd make a good looking couple tho
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19•10•22
YourUserName just posted
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YourUserName thirty, flirty and thriving. please enjoy a small snippet of my 30th birthday, organised by my favourite girl. these are the nice moments before she plies me full of cocktails and i become the sloppiest person in monaco tagged: kellypiquet
kellypiquet any chance to celebrate you 🤍🤍
→ kellypiquet and an even better chance to drink the entire bar and force max to carry us home
→ maxverstappen1 i'm just glad i was able to pull you both out of the sea before you drowned
landonorris can't believe you tried (and failed) to stop us from gatecrashing
→ YourUserName it was an exclusive event, we don't let randos in
→ landonorris i know you're joking but it still hurts my feelings
maxverstappen1 happy birthday, sloppy. you don't look a day over 40
→ YourUserName i'm gonna let that slide but only because i love the bag that kelly told you to buy
User 7 happy birthday to the best author
User 8 happy birthday queen
carlossainz55 happy birthday, y/n 💐
liked by YourUserName
danielricciardo happy birthday x
User 5 kelly and y/n look like the funnest people to hang out with
→ User 6 literally need to know how to become part of their duo
lewishamilton happy birthday, y/n. have a lovely night 💕
liked by YourUserName
mclaren happy birthday to papaya's favourite author (we're still waiting for a racing rom-com that is quite clearly about your favourite f1 team and their super sexy admin) 🥳🥳
liked by YourUserName
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Request are open!
Baby Fever Angst Series
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satorusugurugurl · 4 months ago
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The Ghost in My Apartment
Summary: When you move into your new apartment, it comes with all the bells and whistles! Garden tub, balcony, and a sexy ghost roommate!
Pairing: Kamo Choso x AFAB!Reader
Warning: language, mentions of fire, death, ghosts, ghost sex (it’s kinktober play along), smut, unprotected sex
Word Count: 4.2K
A/N Kinktober day one: Ghosts! This was so much fun! Ugggh, I love him; let me bite his cheeks!! I hope you all are ready for a month of fun!!
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For as long as you can remember, you have seen things other people weren’t able to see. Those things were spirits of the dead, ghosts. You began seeing these spirits at the right age of 10 years old. Your grandma often told you that it was a blessing, a gift, and one that you often ridiculed and hated because seeing ghosts wasn’t like it was in the movies or television shows.
Some of them were terrifying, mangled, bruised, beaten, and bloody. Seeing those kinds of things when you were still growing up could leave scars. Most of the time, you did your absolute best to ignore the spirits that you saw—until you were eighteen. Around this time, the ghost of an elderly man approached you. He was kind and gentle, and all he wanted was help. So, against your better judgment and your reservations, you decided to help him.
He only wanted to tell his wife where the key to their safety deposit box was. When you went to this woman’s home, she thought you were crazy. But her whole demeanor changed when you begged her to check his rain jacket. She had gone from cold and uncaring to a sobbing mess. She thanked you profusely, offering you money, which you declined. No amount of money in the world would satisfy her more than seeing a smile on her face.
From that day on, you made it a point to try to help any other spirits you encountered. Some were far beyond to help, becoming nothing more than a poltergeist. Most of the time, you were lucky enough to help those in desperate need find their way to light.
It was sort of your side hustle. Aside from working at a local bookstore, you did everything in your power to help those you could come across or help families who would reach out to you after hearing about what you had done for others in the past. But you did your best to keep that part of your life separate from your mundane daily routine until you moved into your new apartment.
“Yes, the last family that lived here suffered a great loss. The older brother of the family was gravely injured in a fire. That’s probably why the rent has dropped so much. You know how people are with the superstitions of the dead.”
Your lip twitched as you followed the elderly woman up the stairs to your brand new apartment, which you just found out had experienced a recent death, and that meant one of two things may happen. Either the spirit of the young man who had died would still be lingering in your apartment, burnt to a crisp, or he had moved on peacefully. You wouldn’t be able to know until you took a chance to look around.
It might take a few days, but you would eventually get your answer. Sometimes, spirits were still very much like humans. They kept their distance, but eventually, they would sometimes come forth and tell you what they wanted or needed help. You had gotten over your fear of the different appearances over the last few years, but the thought of seeing a person who had been severely burned in a fire was something you weren’t looking forward to.
“But aside from that, the view is beautiful, and your neighbors are nice. I do believe you will enjoy your time here.”
“I have a good feeling about this place. I’m looking forward to living here.”
The landlord gave you the key to your new apartment and a set of rules, like when your rent was due or what day the trash was picked up. These were the typical things you needed to know in case there were emergencies or if the power went out and you needed to call maintenance. Even after she had left, giving you all of the information you needed, you found yourself hesitating to open the door.
“Please don't be lurking around. At least let me get settled in, and then I’ll let you know I’m around if you need help.” You silently prayed to the unknown spirit if one was behind your door. With a twist of the key, you unlocked the door before heading into the apartment, finding it empty except for your furniture delivered and the boxes that had been brought in. Much to your relief, no ghost was roaming around exploring the living room.
Your ghostly roommate didn’t appear at all the whole time you unpacked and got settled in, which was comforting in a way. You had hoped that they had moved on, weren’t stuck to this earthly plane, and could spend eternity in paradise or be reincarnated. No one deserves to be stuck in the same place for all time.
You were sitting on the couch to watch a movie when you realized your hope for the spirit moving on had been a dream. While you stared at the screen, you felt the couch dip under the added weight of someone joining you. Over the years of seeing these spirits, you had realized that it was best to take your time and not make a big deal of their presence. Not daring to make sudden moves, you looked at the see-through silhouette next to you.
You would have expected it to be completely charred, seeing that there had been a fire in your apartment before. The spirit wasn’t burnt or injured in any invisible way you could see. Instead, he looked completely healthy, aside from a scar running down the side of his neck and arms. You were confident that if you were to remove his clothing, he would have burns elsewhere, but that didn’t take away from his at all.
The ghost was handsome, with dark hair tied up into two buns on top of his head, and a black tattoo had been etched into the skin across the bridge of his nose. Dark eyes were focused on the television. You could hear a clicking sound, most likely due to a tongue piercing, hitting his teeth. You had no clue who he was or his name; the only thing you knew was that this man was so good-looking. It was a shame that he had been taken from the world too soon.
“Fuuck,” you whispered, biting down on your bottom lip as you took another minute to look him over shamelessly. At this exact minute, he turned his head to look at you.
From the way that his eyes went wide, he wasn’t expecting you to be able to see him. But sure shit, you were eyeing him up and down like he was a tall glass of water on a hot summer day. The ghost scoffed, leaning back on the couch and shaking his head.
“If you're going to stare at me like that, at least you could tell me your name.”
“I could say the same thing for you, seeing that you’re in my apartment.”
The ghost jumped, eyes wide as he snapped his head toward you. “You can see me?” You laughed, nodding your head. The sudden realization had your newfound ghost roommate leaning back against the sofa, processing what you had just said. “Like you can really see me?” When you nodded a second time, the spirit laughed, running a hand over his face.
“What? Are you disappointed?”
“I’m a bit relieved. Death is pretty lonely.”
You frowned, finding yourself not interested in whatever was on the television. “I’m sorry, but I’m glad I at least could ease some of the loneliness.” You stuck your hand out towards him, Telling him your name, only to have him stare at your hand with amusement. “What?” The ghost shook his head, letting out a quiet huff.
“I think it’s just cute that you think I’ll be able to shake your hand.”
“Oh, right. I'm sorry. I forgot some spirits are dead even when they aren’t all that dead-looking.”
“No, you're okay. It really was cute. I’m Kamo Choso. Nice to meet you.” To play along with you, he reached his hand out, knowing it would go through you like his new form was with every solid object nowadays.
Much to his surprise, he felt you when his hand grazed over yours. Your skin was warm to the touch, and it felt like he was touching you. His hand didn’t pass through yours. It just gripped your hand, which surprised both of you. You stared at your joined hands in momentary shock before trailing your gaze up to Choso, who was just as shocked.
His eyes seemed to light up as his grip on your hand tightened. You couldn’t help but smile, eyes lighting up as you focused on Choso’s eyes, the way they trailed up your arm before meeting your gaze. There was a spark you had never felt with any spirits, let alone humans. It was, god, something you’d only read about in books.
“Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Choso.”
That was the beginning of your extraordinary and slightly complicated friendship. You both hung out, talking like roommates, watching television, and getting to know each other. And the more you got to know Choso, who loved his younger brothers, went to art school and loved to cook, the more your heart ached. Strangely, you mourned the man you would never get to meet. That was a strange pain that settled in your gut.
Those thoughts often find their way into your mind nowadays. You sighed, lying on your bed, watching Choso float above you. He was talking about how Yuuji, his younger brother, made a hotpot around this time of year. He went on and on about how it would be perfect on an October day like today. But you were more interested in how his arms looked in the tanktop he had on. How he appeared, and you began wondering what he smelt like, what he would taste like.
Why were all the good ones either taken, not into girls, or, in your case, dead?
Choso was just your type, and it hurt to know you would never get a chance to be with him. Choso looked down at you when you didn’t respond to his question about whether you liked chicken meatballs. When he looked into your eyes, he frowned, finding them flooded with tears.
“Well damn, I just asked if you liked chicken meatballs.” He said with a snicker, knowing damn well that was not the reason behind your tears.
“I-I’m just sad.” You whispered, wiping at your eyes.
“About what?” Choso slowly floated down, lying on the bed right next to you.
He watched as you fiddled around with your pajamas, sighing softly before you rolled onto your side, gazing into his eyes. “I’m sad about you.” Choso reached out, cupping your cheek in one hand. The chills are almost calming in a strange way. “It’s not fair.” Choso’s soul ached at the sorrow that flooded your voice.
“Honey—”
“It’s not fair that you died too soon! It’s not fair at all.” You sniffled, finally losing yourself to the swell of emotions swarming in your chest. “It’s not fair, Cho.” Those cool arms wrapped around you, pulling you close to his chest.
“I know—but I don’t regret it.” His words struck you like icy rain that was colder than his touch. You pulled back, peeking at him as he brushed the hair back out of your face. “I died, but I managed to save my brothers. If I were given the chance to save them from a burning building, I would do it again in a heartbeat.”
You had grown to know he loved his brothers endlessly. That was a God-given truth. Hell, that was one of the reasons you fell so hard for him, a ghost, the shade of a person who was no longer alive. For him not to regret his choice spoke volumes of his character—a character you would give anything to love for the rest of your days and grow old with.
“Do you have any regrets, Cho?” You asked as the tears finally stopped. “Anything you wished you got to do or things you would have done differently.”
“Yeah, there’s one thing.” He said with no hesitation.
The straightforward tone of his words had you sitting up, interested in what he had to say. “What’s that?” Choso followed your every move, sitting up, gently cupping both sides of your face as he stroked your cheeks with his thumbs.
“Not living long enough to meet you.”
His lips found yours in a passionate kiss that took your breath away. You gasped into his mouth, gently reaching out and gripping his upper arms as you kissed him back eagerly. Once again, sparks, no, that failed in comparison to the feelings blossoming inside of you. Fireworks were a better way to describe the passion coursing through your body as you melted against his cold, see-through form.
Choso shifted, laying on top of you, the coldness a stark contrast to the heat radiating through you. The sensation, while shocking at first, was one you found yourself craving. So you gave in to those desires, wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him tighter against you as you whimpered and cried into his mouth as he kissed you as if he would never get the chance to do so again.
You broke the kiss first, panting heavily as Choso peppered kisses down your neck, moaning and grunting against your skin as he slowly slid his hand up your shirt, trailing over your tummy before coming in contact with your breasts. You inhaled sharply as the chill hardened your nipples before his lips found yours again. Kissing you with as much passion as he could muster, making the most of his time with you, making up for the lifetime he would miss with you.
“C-Choso!” You cried out as he gently twisted and teased your nipples between his thumb and forefinger, taking in the way your body twitched and melted against him. “Fuck!”
“I regret not living long enough to do all this to you with my body.” He snugged, tugging your shirt off with your help. “I regret not getting to grow old with you, to be with you, take you on dates.” He made quick work of his shorts before you both worked at his pants. “I feel a connection with you, and I wish we would have met sooner.”
As you tugged his pants and boxers down, you couldn’t have agreed more with him. The time you spent with Choso this far has been great. You had a genuine connection, but it is only so far. He couldn’t take you out on dates or leave the apartment. So, in a way, you selfishly wanted more. You longed for it, for him.
And goddamn it all! You were going to have him in every single way you could. Hands moved, working with clothes while caressing and roaming over bodies. In all of your years, all of your previous relationships, you have never had a connection like this.
Choso shifted, looking down as he positioned himself between his legs. “You want this?” He asked in such a gentle, sweet tone.
“Yes.” You whispered, grabbing a handful of his hair and bringing him down to your mouth, where you kissed him. “I want you.”
Not hesitating in the slightest, Choso moved, pushing that of his cock into your wet and willing pussy. You gasped, eyes going slightly wide at the cool sensation of him sliding inside of you. It was like temperature play but better. Choso growled in the back of his throat, a sound that chills up your spine. You want to hear more of the sounds he would make. You wanted all of him at once.
Not wanting to wait around or hesitate, you began to rock your hips up, pushing him further inside of you. The ghost above you shivered, falling slightly on top of you, but he braced himself on his arms to not crush you. There is a certain satisfaction in the way that you rolled your hips against him and how he reacted to your slightest touch.
“Holy fuck—Honey, that feels so good.” He whispered as he fisted the sheets, his cock throbbing inside of you. “P-please don’t stop.” he banged as you both began rocking and rolling against each other in the most sinful of ways.
You shuddered, gripping his arms as you rocked against him faster. Arching off the bed, the head of his cock hit all of the right spots deep inside of you, drawing out the pleasure, drawing out sounds from your that you had never heard before. It was perfect; Choso knew every part of your body, like where to kiss and how to move. There was a spark, a connection, and it made your heart ache because you knew you were meant to be together.
That realization, the truth, hurt so bad it killed you. You wanted to cry to curse the world for taking him from you before you two even met. The pain almost overrode the pleasure, but it was Choso’s kisses that made you release the grip of sorrow you were slowly clutching onto.
“I love you.” His voice was as smooth as honey. “I love you so damn much.”
You kissed him, slowly losing control of your rocking and gripping, allowing Choso to take the lead. He gripped the sheets, holding onto them as he slammed into you, rocking the bed, causing the sweetest sounds of pleasure to leave your mouth. Those sounds were like music to his ears as he shuddered, losing his self-control.
“C-Cho! L-love you!” you cried out, gripping his arms tighter. “L-love everything about you!”
Lips connected again as the room seemed to spin, and the bed creaked louder with each powerful thrust. Your moans grew louder, and the sound of skin slapping against your skin grew louder as your head writhed against the pillow. Choso cupped your breasts, squeezing them as the coil in your abdomen tightened, growing tighter and tighter, making your toes curl as you gasped out loud. Choso knew you were close.
You didn’t have a chance to warn him because he fucked into you, stealing the words from you. The orgasm was so intense you screamed, gripping onto him, crying out his name as you soaked his form and the sheets underneath you. Watching you come undone, crying out his name, had a warmth growing in his chest, one he hadn’t felt in so damn long.
Choso felt himself release, hips stilling as the overwhelming pleasure had him throwing his head back. God, he wished he was alive; he wanted to be inside of you, filling you up, making love with you. But he was sure these were fragments, memories of the past allowing him to remember what it felt like, but this felt so much better. This was real and true, but also painful because he could never be with you however he wanted.
“Cho~” your breathy whisper drew him back to the present, “mhmm~”
“You’re so perfect.” He whispered, pulling the sheets over your bare body. “I would have loved you in so many ways.”
You hummed, cuddling into his body, humming as the chill cooled your body down. “You already do, and I love you too.” Choso frowned, stroking your air as you slowly fell asleep in his arms.
That familiar warmth settled in his chest, and he knew it was his time to go. There was a voice calling him, a light drawing him in. He didn’t want to leave you, but the warmth in his chest grew hotter and hotter, and the once solid form you could touch was nothing more than air. Choso frowned, watching your arm slip through his body, landing on the mattress below you.
Choso sighed slowly, sliding out of the bed. He approached the balcony where the bright light was waiting for him, calling his name. But before he stepped outside into it, he took one final look over his shoulder, smiling sadly at your sleeping form.
“I’ll see you in the next life. I love you.” Choso stepped into the light with a gulp, leaving the apartment behind.
The following morning, you woke up, not finding Choso anywhere. You searched and called out his name for close to an hour before coming to the sudden and cold reality that Choso was gone. Part of you was happy that he could move on and find his peace, but the selfish part of you wished he would have stayed. But what you wanted didn’t matter; he was gone, hopefully at rest now, leaving you to mourn a man and relationship that never was.
That pain sat in your stomach like a rock, weighing you down for weeks. You tried to find joy in the little things in life. Reading your favorite books, watching your comfort movies, and making your favorite foods. But nothing seemed to fill the void your ghost roommate left behind.
This went on for a few months, and you finally started feeling like yourself again. The pain was still there, of course, but it no longer weighed you down like a ton of bricks. You felt more relaxed leaving the apartment, finally healing. You were less sad about Choso finding peace and more happy that he was finally at rest.
His warm, dark eyes were on your mind as you pulled out some cookies from your oven when there was a knock on the door to your apartment. You hummed, taking off your oven mitts and opening the door to find a young man with tufts of pink hair staring down at you. He smiled, bright eyes twinkling as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his yellow hoodie.
“Hi! Sorry to bother you. My name is Itadori Yuuji, and I used to live here.” He swayed back and forth, pursing his lips together in thought. “I uhm—well, my brother told me about a fire safety box he hid in one of the vents, so we came to collect it if that’s okay.”
“Oh,” this was Yuuji, Choso’s younger brother. Finally, getting to see the young man in person felt surreal. “Uhm—”
“If it’s not a good time, I can come back later.”
“No, no, sorry, uhm, I just—it’s nothing. Please come inside.”
Yuuji grinned, nodding his head, turning towards the stairs. “Hey, bro! She said it was okay!” You stepped further into your apartment, hugging yourself as Yuuji took his shoes off. “My brother is right behind; he just takes longer to climb the stairs.” The clanking of a can hit the floor as a shadow stretched out across the floor.
“I just got out of the hospital. I think that’s a valid excuse.” That voice, you knew that voice. “I’m sorry for the intru—” That voice you loved, the one you thought you would never hear again, trailed off. “Have we met?”
Kamo Choso, the ghost you had fallen in love with, stood in front of you, very much alive and well, gripping a cane. He had burn scars just like his ghostly form, but he was here, solid, and no longer saw thought. Seeing him, hearing him, and smelling the musky scent of spices and amber had your heart crawling up your throat as you stepped forward. Your eyes frantically searched his face, making sure he truly was there, alive and standing in front of you.
“Not formally.” You whispered, grinning as tears blurred your vision as a certain softness crept into his features. You held your hand out, telling him your name with a smile.
Much like the first time you met, Choso stared at your hand with tears in his eyes before he took it. This time, instead of being like ice, it was as warm as could be. That sensation had him smiling as he shut his eyes as if this wasn’t the first time you had met but a reunion.
“I’m Kamo Choso, it’s nice to meet you.”
“I couldn't agree more.” you motioned towards the kitchen. “Well, Choso, could I offer you some cookies?”
“I like the sound of that. But in exchange, would you let me take you to dinner sometime.” His grip on your hand tightened. “I can’t get over this feeling that I know you from somewhere.”
“Maybe from a dream.”
Choso beamed down at you finally releasing his grip on your hand as he followed you into the kitchen. “Well, I hope that dream becomes a reality.” You bit down on your bottom lip with a knowing smile. That dream was going to become a reality because this was a love that transcended both life and death.
Forever Tag List:
@darkstarlight82 @pandoness @nealeart @simp-plague @sugurubabe @chilichopsticks @reap3erslov3 @wil10wthetree @msniks @lana18918
Kinktober Tag List:
@candy-s72
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abbyshands · 1 year ago
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THE LAST OF US, and the israeli themes surrounding it
i'm very glad that people were able to see one of the previous things i published, where i complied a series of links that you can use to learn more of what's going on in gaza, how you can help, places you need to boycott, etc. however, at the end of the post, there is a large part of it that is DIRECTLY meant for people who play or watch the last of us, or play the last of us 2.
the last of us 2 in specific is not at all elusive in displaying the chilling themes we are seeing before us today. what boggles my mind, is that a select few individuals are choosing to keep publishing fics, reblogging them, uploading content that has NOTHING to do with what's going on, etc. also, you can't reblog one thing about palestine and claim that you care, then flood your account or people's home pages in fanfiction, especially during a media blackout. it just doesn't work like that.
i took the time to make a post discussing all of the israeli/palestinian themes that the games as a whole, but mainly the second one, display. if you are my mutual, a friend, a fan of my work, or a fan of the game or show, then i 100% demand you read this. if you can read fics for hours, you can spend time to read a post discussing the universe those very fics came from.
a lot of us are now aware of the last of us's nature in regards to the ongoing genocide, but not many people know the specifics of it. after seeing this post last night (the person who made this, you are an angel), i decided to take the time to dive into the specifics of the last of us 2's israeli nature, on a logical level, but also a moral level, using a list of sources to help me along, which will be linked at the end of this post. i will link the sources along the way so you know which sources i got my information from.
regardless of if this changes anyone's mind about ignoring the media blackout, or not giving a fuck about what's going on period, know this: regardless of how you feel, regardless of what you believe, from the river to the see, palestine will be free. at this fucking point, the people who are on the right side will keep speaking out and spreading awareness, regardless if you are here to do it with us. that's it. now, let's get into this.
UPCOMING DISCUSSIONS: neil druckmann, the last of us 1, the last of us 2, the last of us show and zionism in the show's cast, boycotting the game and show, and conclusion
NEIL DRUCKMANN
45-year-old neil druckmann, who was the co-director and co-writer for the last of us 2, was born in tel aviv, israel in 1978. according to the above source, druckmann was raised in a settlement in the west bank, where he was surrounded by violence on a daily basis. comics, movies, and most of all, video games, became an escape for him as a child, before he and his family moved to miami, floridawhen he was 10 years old.
to water down the full story that you can, again, read here, druckmann went to college to major in criminology. however, when he was in college, druckmann took a compsci course, that later lead to his major becoming coding as opposed to criminology. soon after, he knew he wanted a career that related to one thing: video games.
in the summer of 2013, the last of us part 1 was released, and it was renowned as one of best video games to have ever been made. in 2020, druckmann and nd released the last of us part 2, followed by the 2022 release of HBO's show based on the first video game. druckmann played a huge part on set, being not only the co-creator and co-writer of the show, but also having directed an episode himself. druckmann will remain involved in the second season of the show.
bringing up neil druckmann’s background is a crucial aspect of what’s upcoming in this post, hence why i wanted to discuss it at all. druckmann growing up in israel is one of the sole reasons the last of us was ever made at all, and not only that: it is the reason why the second game is the way it is, because neil druckmann planted his israeli ideologies right into it.
so, let’s speak on it.
THE LAST OF US 1
on the official the last of us podcast, neil druckmann himself discussed the last of us' link to the israeli-palestinian conflict, and now, genocide. the general consensus was that people will go ridiculously far for the people that they love. this idea of druckmann's was revealed when he discussed the first time the main character of the first game, joel miller, kills somebody to keep his daughter, sarah, safe from harm. this is one of the first scenes in the game prior to the time jump, where the pair's neighbor becomes infected, and attacks them. joel uses a gun to kill him so that the neighbor doesn't harm sarah.
the following is a quote i would like to copy from this link word for word: "Druckmann said he follows "a lot of Israeli politics" and compared the incident to Israel's release of hundreds of Palestinians prisoners in exchange for the captured Israeli soldier Gilad Shalit in 2011."
the plot of the first game, as neil druckmann explained, is based around a moral dilemma. he discusses how if joel had to kill a man to save a random kid, would he have done it? druckmann himself says, "but when it was his tribe, his daughter, there was no question about what he was going to do."
while the first game, in my opinion, isn't as heavily centered around israeli themes as the second game is, regardless, it is heavily crucial to note that the basis of the first game derived from a real-life incident involving israel and palestine, where hundreds of palestinian people (edit: i believe it is more than 1,000) were released from imprisonment, all in exchange for one israeli soldier. in the second game, the israeli-palestinian themes, if you look closely enough, scream out at you.
let's talk about it.
THE LAST OF US 2
"There is a common saying that if you seek revenge, you should dig two graves. Playing The Last of Us Part II is like being made to dig those graves with your teeth (Zacny)."
nd's 2022 the last of us part II is described down to the last letter in the above quote, albeit the game's utterly obvious israeli nature. in this post, the creator, rob zacny, goes on to discuss the game's theme of a "cycle of violence," and how the game reminds you in each grotesque encounter of the cruel ideology behind that. due to what occurs in the last of us 1, joel, basically, reaps what he sows when he is murdered for killing a surgeon who, along with the group said surgeon was a member of, the fireflies, was planning to perform surgery on ellie, who joel had since grown close to, in search of a cure for the infection that has plagued their world for decades. four years later, the second playable character in the game, who is introduced in the first half hour or so, abby anderson, kills joel to avenge the surgeon who was murdered, who happened to be her father. from then on, the game follows what, again, can only be described as a "cycle of violence." joel kills abby's dad, abby kills joel, ellie kills all of abby's friends, aims to kill abby in the final battle of the game, but spares abby when ellie's conscious morally attacks her for her decisions.
throughout the 24 odd hour gameplay, the player is allowed to play as ellie and abby, abby's parts of the game being arguably longer than ellie's. the idea this, i believe, is meant to introduce, is one of perspective: the player is meant to be loyal to joel miller once the first game has been finished, so when he is killed, they are inclined to make abby pay for it. however, abby's perspective, both in the past and as the present course of the game goes on, is meant to make the player understand why she did what she did. thus, the moral: there are no good guys in this game. every person is as equally bad as the following, and no one is innocent. however, when we consider the israeli-palestinian nature of this ideology and how it is presented in the last of us part 2, it simply doesn't work like this.
“I suspect that some players, if they consciously clock the parallels at all, will think The Last of Us Part II is taking a balanced and fair perspective on that conflict, humanizing and exposing flaws in both sides of its in-game analogues. But as someone who grew up in Israel, I recognized a familiar, firmly Israeli way of seeing and explaining the conflict which tries to appear evenhanded and even enlightened, but in practice marginalizes Palestinian experience in a manner that perpetuates a horrific status quo (Maiberg).”
when discussing the last of us part 2’s plot, one could 100% argue that there really aren’t good guys on the dual sides of the game. if you compare ellie and abby, you know that ellie went on a murder frenzy to get revenge on abby for killing joel. on abby’s side of it all, you know that abby wasn’t all that great before coming across lev and yara, and even then, she killed people to do what everyone in said world aims to do: survive. prior to finding lev and yara, abby had killed numerous people before, and did, as the player sees, handle joel very cruelly before she ended up killing him. here’s one more example, one that’s more random (but it’s simply to compare abby vs. ellie’s people, if you will): joel and manny. joel went on a cross country murder spree to keep ellie safe, and killed a building full of people at the end of the game to save her life. in regards to manny, if you recall a discussion that manny and mel had in the beginning of abby’s parts of the game, the pair are discussing a happening where a group aside from the wlf, the seraphites (which we will discuss later) attacked them because the wlf killed children who were a part of their (the seraphite’s) group. manny voiced how he would prefer to keep their people (the wlf) safe, and challenges mel, implying that those “kids” weren’t really kids, because they were the ones who attacked their guys (the wlf) in the first place. as a general consensus, manny kills several people throughout the course of the game, which can be inferred or seen by the player, making him, for the sake of what i’m getting at, a bad guy.
we see in the game how ellie and abby’s people are unanimously bad. the last of us is set in a world where laws and morals are thrown out the window for the sake of survival, so this is no surprise. however, this dual perspective, “no bad guy,” ideology simply doesn’t apply in the world today. you may compare ellie vs. abby, or joel vs. manny, or bring in more characters in the game, such as tommy, nora, etc, claiming that all parties are bad. that makes perfect sense. but think about it like this: if this is meant to represent the israeli-palestinian perspective, and i give you the scenario of a five-year-old child versus a full-grown IDF soldier, what would you say? isn’t there an obvious answer as to who is in the wrong and who’s not? maiberg is 100% right in claiming that the game marginalizes the real-life palestinian experience. abby, ellie, joel, manny, etc, are not real people. but the thousands of innocent children who have been killed for the ridiculousness and inhumane israeli regime are. you can’t say each side is equal in awfulness, not when one side is full of innocent men, women, and children, some of which could never make it into a year of their lives. not when if one side pauses their battle, there would be a ceasefire, but if the converse pauses their battle, they would all be dead.
“And then they cheered afterward,” Druckmann, who grew up in Israel, recalls. “It was the cheering that was really chilling to me. … In my mind, I thought, ‘Oh, man, if I could just push a button and kill all these people that committed this horrible act, I would make them feel the same pain that they inflicted on these people.’"
remember how i said discussing neil druckmann's background was crucial? it is. druckmann, who, again, was born in israel, told the Washington Post that the game's cynical themes of revenge and suffering is linked to the 2000 killing of two israeli soldiers (tw, lynching), who were killed by a mob (maiberg). allegedly, some of the incident was remembered in film, that druckmann watched, and in his interview, he explained his angry nature that came about in response to the video, and how he desired vengeance.
the last of us part 2 is mainly set in seattle, washington, where secondary main character, abby anderson, resides in with a militia group named the wlf (which we will also delve into later, alongside the seraphites). maiberg brings out how seattle, on a visual and mechanical level, is based around "a series of checkpoints, security walls, and barriers (Maiberg)." he notes: "[seattle] looks almost exactly like the tall, precast concrete barriers and watch towers Israel started building through the West Bank in 2000." here are side by side images for comparison:
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now that we’ve discussed this, let us discuss one of most prevalent aspects of abby’s part of the story: the wlf, and the seraphites. the seraphites are a religious group, nicknamed “the scars” due to the scars the members of said group carve into their faces to display their membership, who the wlf, a makeshift militia group, runs into conflict with following the fall of FEDRA, the country’s former military. in a note in the game, a fedra commander explains that the city of seattle has been lost to the wolves (the wlf), who he names as terrorists. maiberg brings out the following: “Here, there are parallels to early Zionist organisations that fought British rule in the region. These organizations were also described as terrorists, and leaders of those organizations later became leaders in Israel, much like how Isaac, the leader of the Wolves, came to control Seattle. Other in-game notes, scenes of urban ambushes, and the bodies of executed FEDRA officers laboriously walk the player through the cliche "one man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter (Maiberg).”
maiberg also discusses a series of manners in which the fictional seraphites resemble real-life palestinians. here are the three ways he specifically discusses in his original post, but there are much more:
“The same note from the Seattle FEDRA commander that bitterly says the Wolves are in charge explains that it's now their responsibility to not only feed and shelter the people of Seattle, but deal with the "religious fanatics," referring to the Scars.
Later in the game, Ellie finds a location called "Martyr Gate," where the Scars' spiritual leader apparently died, indicating a religious significance of a specific and disputed location, and emphasizing the notion of martyrdom as central to their culture.
The Scars are able to get around Wolf patrols and various barriers around the city via an elaborate, secret system of bridges between skyscrapers. These function as a kind of flipped version of the underground tunnels Palestinians use to bypass Israeli blockades and other means of limiting free movement in order to get supplies and carry out attacks on Israel.”
one more post i would like to link is this one, the very reason i decided to make this in the first place. it captures the zionism in the last of us 2, along with the wlf vs. seraphite conflict, perfectly. i very much recommend you read it, as it explains it much better than i can.
the general consensus is this: the idea that the seraphites are equally as bad as the wlf, which implies that palestinians are equally as bad as israelis, simply doesn’t apply in 2024. as i said before: what is so vile and cruel about a newborn baby? a pregnant woman? an innocent man? NOTHING. part of the reason the last of us captures this so poorly is due to the apocalyptic nature of the world the game is set in. obviously, people would go rogue if their lives were put in peril by not only animalistic infected beings, but also humans. however, we live in a real world where laws and morals do, in fact, apply. this isn’t a video game where those are simply discarded. what the wlf and the seraphites did to each other in the last of us 2 could be any other day for them: but what israel is doing to palestine right now is a war crime, a genocide, and plainly vile.
THE LAST OF US SHOW, and zionism in the show’s cast
i don’t think i need to spend a lot of time here, because if you have made it this far, you are well aware of the real nature of the last of us and the last of us 2 already, so you must understand that the show is HBO’s take on the game’s story (which, need i remind you show-wise and game-wise, neil druckmann played a huge part in). i simply bring it up so that people are aware of the fact that the 2022 show is ALSO linked to the ongoing genocide, and the cast is a major part of that (however, if anyone would like me to delve deeper into the show, let me know, and i 100% will).
for the following season which is a sequel to the last, theorized to center around the happenings of the last of us 2, members who are set to play a few crucial characters in the game have been announced. this includes isabela merced, who will play dina woodward, ellie’s romantic partner for most of the game, alongside kaitlyn dever, who will play abby anderson.
many people freaked out when they realized kaitlyn dever will be playing abby, but not for the reason they should have been. if you are a last of us fan, you are well aware that abby’s muscles are a central aspect of her persona. yet, kaitlyn dever is on the skinnier side, and according to some, does not resemble abby.
but this is not the issue that is most crucial to discuss.
kaitlyn dever is a zionist, and so is isabela merced (i am under the impression that both of these claims are true, but i had trouble finding a source i deemed reliable enough to link here. if i do, however, i will). now, while i’m not here to riddle you with conspiracy theories, people believe this (zionism) is the reason kaitlyn dever in specific got the role of abby anderson (there is a separate actress, shannon berry, who more closely resembles abby, but made a post in solidarity with palestine. this is theorized to be the reason why she didn’t get the part, and why kaitlyn dever was announced shortly after this particular actress made said post). let us not also forget that ellie’s actor, bella ramsey, is also in support of israel, which can be seen here.
(edit: i was informed since making this that bella has a story on one of their social medias, showing their alleged support of palestine and calling for a ceasefire. i’m going to link this post where i spoke on it, so you aware of what i think on that front).
all of the previously provided information brings me to my final part of this post: boycotting the games, and boycotting the show.
BOYCOTTING THE GAME AND SHOW
i could go on and on about why this is so crucial, but we would be here forever. however, i’m going to paste in what i wrote in this post surrounding the topic of boycotting, as i personally believe i got it down quite well in regards to the last of us (the show and game). it reads:
"DO NOT BUY TLOU, TLOU REMASTERED, TLOU2, TLOU2 REMASTERED, OR ANY GAME FROM ND! neil druckmann has donated money to the IDF in the past. & where do you think he’s getting his money from? yeah, you got that. watch gameplays, pirate these games, or buy them secondhand. several shops sell used games. & for those of you who went and purchased the game anyway, knowing about all of this? fuck you.
if you think your $10 doesn’t matter, then think about this: okay, one person spends $10 on the game. whatever. but when 100,000 people do it? that’s a million dollars, going into the hands of a zionist, who is using YOUR money to help kill innocent men, women, and children. put that in your pipe and smoke it.
it is not just the games you need to boycott. HBO’S show also needs to be. follow this link to learn of more movies and shows you need to boycott, & the reasons why, including the last of us. let’s also not forget that dina & abby’s actresses are in support of israel, and BELLA RAMSEY, ellie’s actress, has also shown support.
boycott. the fucking. show. there are a million websites where you can pirate it, so you are not giving any of your support to it. resist."
what it comes down to is this: purchasing the game or watching the show directly from nd or HBO is not a must. spreading awareness and speaking out about palestine is. you are more than capable of not purchasing the game, or watching playthroughs, or buying the game secondhand, etc. you are more than capable of pirating the hbo show so that money is not made off of your engagement. it's not that difficult. i have said it once, and i will say it again: boycotting is a form of resistance, and that is the least we can do for those suffering in gaza as you read this. resist. people openly admitting that they went and purchased the game anyway simply make me sick. i hope you know what an awful thing to brag about that is, and how despicable of a human it makes you.
CONCLUSION
there's so much to discuss when it comes down to this topic, and it's possible that in the future, i will make a second part to this. however, for now, i really hope this does suffice. i believe knowing of the game's israeli nature is a step. but knowing the specifics is a leap, one that i need everyone engaged in this fandom to take, hence why i wanted to make this post at all.
i'm not saying anyone needs to quit liking the games or the show or whatever. i'm not saying you need to delete or throw away a game you spent $60 on. i've seen so many people who are way too dense to understand that. what i'm saying is that it's crucial you are at least AWARE of the content you are consuming. aware of why it even came about at all.
in my opinion, you can't separate the game from the roots. but you can remain aware of the inner workings of this world you've grown to love. you can keep spreading awareness about it, and you can do right by the people in gaza by discussing the ongoing genocide, and using your voice as much as you can.
i'm so lucky to have been able to gain a following on here in such a short amount of time, even if that following has gone up and down because i've chosen to post more about palestine as opposed to my previous content (granted, that fact won't deter me at all). i will keep using said following to keep speaking out for the people in gaza, and i encourage you to do the same. keep reblogging. keep speaking up. keep using your voices. the people in gaza need us. be there for them.
FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA, PALESTINE WILL BE FREE 🇵🇸🍉.
LINKS AND RESOURCES:
neil druckmann | the official the last of us podcast | the not so hidden israeli politics of the last of us 2, by emanuel maiberg (i highly recommend you read the full post. it discusses several crucial details i didn't discuss in this post) | galid shalit prisoner exchange | Neil Druckmann Speaking on the Washington Post | 2000 killing of two israeli soldiers (TW: LYNCHING) | 'The Last of Us Part II' Is a Grim and Bloody Spectacle, but a Poor Sequel | Veiling Colonial Violence: The Last of Us Part II, Israel and the Erasure of Power (full disclosure, i did not read the full post. i merely needed the quote in the very beginning of it) | zionism in tlou2 | isabela merced | kaitlyn dever | bella ramsey's support of israel
PALESTINE LINKS
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ofoceansandtombsanew · 5 months ago
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you are love itself (君は愛そのものだ)
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cw. fem!reader, childhood friend au, established relationship, love as worship, love as a choice, reader has a defined devil fruit ability
pairing. portgas d. ace x black!fem!reader
synopsis. his skin is dotted in stardust.
notes. a 1.3k look into those short moments of privacy you have with ace on the moby. i got the title from 'therefore you and me' after rewatching this amazing asl brothers animatic for the billionth time. cover comes klimt's the kiss (1908).
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Everything is made of stardust; the stars that made Ace are simply visible to the eye.
They couldn't be contained in the depths of his body like the rest of the world's inhabitants. It's scattered all across his skin in a beautiful display, matching the skies they fell from. Isn't that something? You brush a hand against warm skin in awe. It's all right there. The stars themselves rest upon his skin, how beautiful is that? How could anyone want someone like that dead?
When you were children, Ace told you he would bring you the moon.
What do you need the moon for when you've been touching the stars since you were 10?
Straddling his lap, you can't help laughing as you think you'd been fighting a losing battle from the start. From the beginning, you'd been drawn to Ace and his stars and you wanted to follow where they'd go for the rest of your life.
"What's so funny?" Ace murmurs into your shoulder.
"I think I was born to love you." It is the only plausible conclusion for you to reach after 10 years of loving the same person. For the half of your life you've known him, you've chosen Ace from day one. You will continue to choose him for the rest of the life you have. You chose to chase him all around Mt. Corvo, you chose to be his friend, you chose to join his crew and your heart chose him even if your head had been slow to realize. "We don't need to find the One Piece," you murmur as you lead a trail of kisses from his shoulder to Ace's cheek. "I already have everything the world has to offer right here."
You feel Ace stiffen beneath you before he laughs sheepishly, "I think you need to have your eyes checked if you think that."
"Hey," you lean back so you can see his face. Your brows are furrowed sternly but your eyes sparkle with mischief and your lips stretch into a challenging grin. "I have better eyes than you, I can see the soul."
Ace snorts but his voice is light and as warm as the smile painting his face, "souls of the dead, yeah." Smiles suit Ace more than the frowns that were once commonplace when you were younger.
"That still counts," you protest with a chuckle. He doesn't have to believe he's worthy of it, you'll tell Ace all the same. You cup his face in your hands and enjoy the vibration of his mellifluous laughter under your fingers tips as you squeeze his cheeks. "There's a lot you can learn about this sort of stuff when you can see the dead." How the soul carries its wounds even after death. How the soul carries the essence of everything that makes something itself. How love can carry on beyond the grave.
You've seen it countless times by now in your truthfully short time of being a power holder.
The spirit of a man who wanted a few berries to leave as a surprise his husband could stumble upon to brighten his day.
An elderly woman dancing in the town square, seemingly alone following the steps she took with her lost love long ago. Unbeknownst to her, however, her love danced with all the same as they did once a long time ago.
Pods of orcas full of members past and present, refusing to part from their birth pod even in death.
How beautiful it is, a love like that.
Even while deceased, they choose to remain by their beloved all the same.
Whenever it is Ace's time, he'll take his stars with him and they will rest on his skin just as they did when he was alive. But I'll make sure you're so happy you won't want to stay, you vowed when you partook of the sea's cursed fruit. You carry this vow even now. Ace will die a happy death but more importantly, he will live a long and mirthful life.
(You can tell for as sure as your eyes are dry; the urge to cry and scream in mourning and warning nonexistent. Still it's your heart's desire that you go first so you don't ever have to risk the day you know death will come for Portgas D. Ace.)
"You know what I think," you cease your pinching, letting your lax thumbs stroke his face. Dark eyes look up at you like you're a dream and gold like sunlight rests in your chest. It's light yet heavy and even if your heart is calm, its rhythmic beating tells you something precious. And he's so, so precious. "I think that when people move on, they're reborn as someone else. Then they get to live life all over again. And one day, that's gonna happen to us."
Then you'll cease to be the 'you' you have been and so will he.
Maybe that time, you'll be raised in separate seas and there will be no trio of brothers you'll latch onto. Maybe he'll be born somewhere in Paradise but I'll be from the West Blue. Or maybe he'll be a fishman. Or a giant!
Maybe next time, Ace will be a short girl with firey auburn hair and chocolate brown eyes with the disposition to match. Or he'll be a scarred and gruff dragon moray eel fishman who is an overt romantic.
Maybe next time his stars will follow him as the marker that ties him to his previous life. Then you'll recognize him the moment you see him. But even if I don't, I'll love you then too. You don't need reminders of who he was to make you want him again.
Whatever the outcome may be, you will embrace it wholly.
"Whenever that happens, I'm gonna find you and I'm going to love you all over again. You can be a girl or a giant or a fishman." Or maybe he'll be the tiny human and you'll be the giant. It will be nice being taller than Ace for once, you tell him as much with a laugh. There's a spot of wetness at the corner of his eyes that you wipe away instinctively. "Or… maybe this world runs in one big loop and we get to be us again but that time we get to make different choices. Do the stuff we didn't do last time. But regardless of all the different things I might end up doing, the one thing that is gonna stay the same is that I'll choose you all over again."
There's a pause before Ace ducks from your gaze with a wet laugh, forehead pressed against your shoulder again. The unmistakeable feel of warm droplets subsequently follow. "Thatch must be cutting onions," he chuckles weakly. "Sorry."
"Dummy," you wrap your arms around his shoulders and inhale his scent. There's a natural sweetness to it you can't explain; it's sweet but there is a peppery kick. It's been that way since the first day you met him. I love him, I love him, I love him. The sentiment echoes throughout your entire being. "it's okay to cry."
"Would you really want me again?" His voice is soft and unsure like a young bird who doesn't know if it can trust its wings.
Who else would I want?
Why would I want anyone else?
I've known you for 10 years, Ace. There's nothing about you I don't want.
"Over and over again," you kiss his temple once, twice and then a third time before you lift his head and kiss the corners of his eyes. "It's you and no one else."
A noise of surprise escapes you when Ace's lips press against your own but you relax a beat later, humming tenderly. You relish every sensation, how his arms wrap around you tight and how his fingers gently dig into your back. The taste of salt on your lips is akin to the ocean and your heartbeat reverberates throughout your chest.
Yes, it's telling you something precious.
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604to647 · 3 months ago
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✨Anniversary and Follower Milestone Celebration and Giveaway!✨
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A little over a year ago, I returned to my old photography blog and repurposed it to what you see today - purging all my old followers (including the sex bots 🥹) and started from scratch and now... OMIGOD?! 😭😭😭 I've recently passed a follower milestone that seems unbelievable to 1 year ago Emily who screenshot when her post got 11 notes and sent it to Mr. 604 so excited (oblivious that one of those likes was me liking on accident 😂). I love you all so dearly for visiting me and reading my silly stories - every interaction and follow has been treasured. Sometimes I still can’t believe y’alls kindness towards me 🫣🥰
At this time last year, I also started writing my first fic, which has turned into my longest running series: Safest with You. Some of you have been with me and this series since the very beginning and I couldn’t be more grateful - the first one shot, Carnival Fright Night, was posted Oct. 13/2023 and Ch. 1 followed on Nov. 10/2023. Now one full year later, we've wrapped it up with the Epilogue😭😭😭
To celebrate, I would love to do two things:
1) A Giveaway! Everything in the first pic (full description below the cut) will be sent to one lucky winner! You don’t have to follow me or have read any of my fics - all you have to do to enter is say something nice about someone in our community. You can leave it in a comment or a reblog of this post, or send me an ask (with 🎁) - BAM! You’re entered 😁. No one needs to follow me - I just love it when people hype each other up and spread positivity 💕
2) Nonsense Outros. The first piece of writing I ever posted wasn’t actually a fic but song lyrics 😂🤭 specifically, Sabrina Carpenter Nonsense Outros inspired by Pedro characters 😂 They are silly and challenging to write and I want to do some more! If you want, please send me an Ask with 🎶 for a character or a link to a fic (it can be yours, someone else’s if they’re ok with it, or you can request one of mine even!) - I will read it (if I haven’t already!) and write you an Outro for the PBoi in the fic/character (or try, anyways! 😁)
You can do both if you want! And as many times as you want 🥰 until Monday, December 2, 2024.
Thank you thank you all again! 💋
It’s been a great year here with you all 🥹🥂🥂
Giveaway prize includes: Din Djarin magnet, postcard and washi tape, Barón Tovar Takes a Wife holographic keychain, Safest with You washi tape, one (1) copy of Pedro fan magazine, one (1) copy of Vanity Fair 30th Hollywood Issue, one (1) customized Pedro photocard holder (I will make you one based on your fave colours/themes and I also have a bunch of photocards for you to choose from or I can make you one from a photo you send!).
I am happy to pay for shipping and will ship internationally from Canada (when the strike is over), but yes it means you have to provide me an address. I am active in a collectibles trading community on IG and can provide references if it makes you feel more comfortable in doing so👍🏻.
Winner will be selected randomly via the Excel random number generator in the first week of December 2024. This giveaway isn't administered, sponsored, endorsed by, or associated with Tumblr.
Tagging a few lovely people to help spread the word and/or may be interested 🥰😘:
@aurorawritestoescape @milla-frenchy @yopossum @almostfoxglove @sawymredfox
@inept-the-magnificent @jeewrites @jessthebaker @nerdieforpedro @joelalorian
@magpiepills @secretelephanttattoo @joelmillerisapunk @holacia3 @galaxyedging
@tuquoquebrute @whirlwindrider29 @pedroswife69 @pedges-world @ghotifishreads
@penvisions @jobean12-blog @auteurdelabre @angiewatson @morallyinept
@mermaidgirl30 @arcanefox207 @baronessvonglitter @grogusmum @ace-turned-confused
@furiousmushroom @cheekychaos28 @72scsuze @toobsessedsstuff @mellymbee
@that1nerd-20 @alltheotps @evolnoomym @greenwitchfromthewoods @maievdenoir
@hipabbster23 @bitccchmood @bigbutchenergee @rainbowcat164 @the-strawberrythief
@johnssherlock221 @misstokyo7love @vivian-pascal @florxdexcerezo @fanficlover1414
@rarachelchel @heartbrokenlilbitch-nef @sunnytuliptime @kulekehe @guelyury
@rav3n-pascal22 @sjc7542 @kilamonster @mandoshoney @syd-djarin
@moonlessnight14 @lucienofthelakes @heareball @lillaydee @yorksgirl
@sheepdogchick3 @desert-fern
190 notes · View notes
kanmom51 · 3 months ago
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Jikook came home
God, how I missed this.
How I miss them!!
Before getting into the whole JM post followed by the cute-flirty interaction that followed, I will take this opportunity in congratulating both JM and JK for their MAMA awards achievements.
JM winning Daesang fans choice of the year.🎉🎉
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JK winning top 10 fans choice, best male artist and best dance performance (SNTY).🎉🎉
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JM being the sweetheart that he is came to us with a lengthy post to thank Army for voting and receiving a Daesang.
There are a couple of nuanced differences in some of the translations, but all in all, they are pretty much on the same page.
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The main difference I've seen is the translation of this part:
벙벙 벙벙 벙벙벙벙벙
Being it "dumbfounded" or "stunned" or "bemused".
I think this probably captures it best:
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And then we had JK....
Who was most likely sitting there right by JM's side, the speed of their back and forth being one of the indications to that (we are talking within seconds here), not to mention patterns of past behaviour with those two.
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Do we discuss for a second the Weverse translation of the discussion?
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Like wtf? 🤣🤣
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Ok, so the actual translation would be:
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Insert the word of bemusement of your choice I guess, lol. But basically we have JM telling us he's stunned/dumbfounded and mainly happy and then that back and forth between those two right in front of our salads.
Oh, and can someone explain the @JK to me please? I mean, I get JM @JK -ing when posting his replies, but why the hell is JK @JK -ing when posting his replies to JM?🤣🤣
The way those two keep doing this shit (in such a good way, may I add) is just absolutely and utterly hilarious.
This whole exchange gives me these vibes:
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And Idk why, but this interaction came straight to mind as well when I saw this back and forth between them...
Take those two and combine them and then picture that in mind with this back and forth going on:
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Oh, and do I mention that obviously they had access to Internet, enough to have this back and forth between them, while both in the same place, and JK preferring to flirt in our faces with JM rather than post himself about his wins, which I can assure you he knew of. You know how it is when you don't want to take away from your boyfriend's thunder...
Maybe we'll hear from him later on maybe not, but this was about JM, his win, his moment, his post, his excitement.
And JK CANNOT miss out on a little teasing-flirtatious banter with his man, now can he?
Let's back track for one moment, because I do want to talk about JM inserting JK into his post. I do believe this is going to be a new standard/constant/reality. You know, the "me and JK"/ "JK and I" or "me and JM"/"JM and I". That very natural way of inserting one another in their interactions/conversations with us. Now, don't get me wrong, this is not a new thing what so ever. They have been doing this since forever. But I do think that it's going to become more of a constant and less of a "OMG, he mentioned JK/JM" moment for us. They have shown us for years, but more so over the past year, just how important they are to each other, but even more so, just how intertwined their lives are with one another. They literally could not even part ways to do their military service!! Choosing to spend those 18 months together, even if it meant having to endure much harsher conditions and a much more difficult service as a whole. All to be able to be together. With each other. What I'm saying is that I do think we will be getting so much more of "US" from those two.
Openly and proudly.
US.
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One last thing, and again this is either Jikook coincidence or kismet or maybe not too much of a coincidence and more of a conscious decision, but JM's post yesterday, 23 Nov 2024, was posted on the year mark of Jikook leaving for their oh so very special and emotionally charged Japan trip, 23 Nov 2023.
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💜💜💜
Coincidence or not, we got Jikook back then, and after radio silence from those two for such a long time, we got Jikook yesterday again!!!
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neiptune · 6 months ago
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to hell with the stars, keep shooting for the moon
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cw: 3k wc, female reader, established relationship, suggestive if you squint, reader is a gymnast, my entry for the super fun summer olympics collab by @tetzoro! hope you'll enjoy the little surprise i squeezed in hehe
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“For the last time, I’m not having sex with you on one of those cardboard beds”.
Atsumu isn’t the least bit discouraged by your exasperated scowl, which is met with a pout.
“But babe-”
“I don’t care how many times Tobio’s done it, ‘Tsumu” you click your tongue.
“It’s just so fucking bizarre that he gets so much action, the guy doesn’t even do anything! Shoyo agrees, we discussed it and still couldn’t find a reason” the blond, excessively petulant Miya who makes it a point to be the bane of your existence, keeps listing all the reasons why he believes his teammate shouldn’t be getting laid in the olympic village. Or anywhere else ever, for the matter.
The heated arguments float through a distant hemisphere of your brain, where they dissolve before you can quite catch their meaning and soon enough become simple sounds you’re passively absorbing, thoughts too preoccupied with something entirely different.
The choreographies you put together with your trainer have been playing in the back of your mind ever since last night, after the all-around individual qualification round. You are part of the 10 gymnasts with the highest scores, four performances with each apparatus earning a fairly decent ranking and good enough points. Well, they’re certainly good enough, given that you get to represent Japan at the individual final. But you just know they could be better. Your feet should’ve been firmer, hands less sweaty around the clubs, you should’ve stretched for at least 50 minutes prior to the routine instead of the usual 40 ones.
Pulse picks up in pace, heart thrumming faster against your ribcage, dizziness clouds your mind for a moment as different moves chase each other in rapid succession: the penché comes first, then follows the elbow stand, front walkover, one forward roll, a chest stand-
Gentle, calloused fingers grasp your chin and tilt your head upwards in silent demand. Look at me.
“Get out of there and talk to me, sugar” the fondness in his chocolate gaze is a balm that instantly soothes the churning sensation sabotaging your stomach.
“I won’t make it” it’s blunt, raw in its honesty “I’m too scared”.
“Ya worked your ass off the past four years. Your entire life actually”.
“I know”.
“And whatever happens, you’re one of the best ten gymnasts in the world”.
“I know”.
Atsumu gets closer as his hands hold your face now, gentle but firm, an all too familiar flame starts dancing in feverish eyes.
“But?”.
You recognize that gaze, the raging, febrile determination taking over. He gets it on his side of the net, where he gets to run the show. And oh, isn’t that always a sight for sore eyes? It certainly was at the olympics too, when the entire world got to witness what Japan is already used to. The game against Argentina was nothing short of glorious, the way Atsumu coordinated his team’s offense, established the entire tempo and overall built the confidence in his passers had the crowds chanting his name over and over again. By the evening, you’re positive at least a hundred new Miya Atsumu fan accounts had started following you on instagram.
And yet he doesn’t take any of it for granted. Atsumu always gives his very best, at the olympics or during regular training with his friends. Whether Tobio is going to play or not. That passion simply sets his soul ablaze at all times, with no exception. He’s the man you love and the only one who can truly understand how you feel, the one person who is ignited with the same delirious resolve currently burning in the pit of your stomach.
“But I really want that fucking medal” you whisper. Not to prove him that you have it in you just like he does: truth is you’re the only person who needs additional convincing.
Sharp canines make their appearance when Atsumu smiles widely.
“Then go get it. The hell are you scared of? That medal belongs to you”.
Your eyelids flutter as they fall shut, a deep breath filling your lungs with fresh air. When you open your eyes again, you feel your heart filling up with something else too.
“I love you”.
His eyes soften at that, affection pools within crinkles by the eyes as a confident grin morphs into a warm smile.
“Love ya more, champion” Atsumu kisses your forehead with tenderness, lingers for a moment too long with lips pressing to your skin with intention. Then he lets go of your face but not before searching for any remnants of self-doubt. His chest swells with pride when all he can find in your eyes is that determination he adores.
“Will you be there?” you ask because you can’t help it. It’s perfectly understandable that he might not be able to, his schedule is just as busy as yours and Japan’s final game is just two days away. It’s not entirely fair to ask and someone else might’ve rolled their eyes with a sigh, reminded you that they don’t get to decide that. But not Atsumu. He takes one of your hands and brings it to his lips to kiss each knuckle.
“I’ll do everything I can to be there”.
“Thank you” you lightly pinch his nose with an infatuated smile and he fakes a groan “see you later”.
“I love you!” he shouts as you run away, loud and obnoxious and passionate, just like his affection always is. Once again, Atsumu’s love is thrown over your shoulders like a comforting blanket that weighs just right.
Back at the beginning of your relationship, you had to unlearn a very specific thought process that posed the risk of ending something that still hadn’t had the chance to fully start. It was your first time dating another pro athlete, a very talented and quite renowned one no less. You were first introduced to him at a party, he had no idea who you were but of course you were all too familiar with his name and accomplishments.
Miya Atsumu was a pro volleyball player, known for his exceptional flair and fierce passion ever since high school. His reputation made you believe that, as an athlete yourself, you had to prove him that you were just as good in your own sport. Wasn’t that all he’d be interested in? Dating someone who wouldn’t embarrass him with their mediocrity, someone who wouldn’t stain his polished reputation?
Turns out, by no means Atsumu was interested in all that. He asked if it was okay for him to come watch one of your competitions, coincidentally one of your worst ones. You were all too aware of how badly you had competed, nerves and a recent flu contributing to a terrible performance, yet at the end of it Atsumu greeted you with stars in his eyes. He couldn’t stop talking about how elegant yet strong you looked, going as far as describing your choreographies as breathtaking. With a nervous chuckle, he half-jokingly said he couldn’t believe you’d let him date you. 
That’s when you kissed him for the first time, fiery and feverish in a way that would’ve probably scared anyone else off. Not Atsumu, though. He wrapped his arms around you without so much as an ounce of hesitation, kissed you back like it was the last action he was allowed to perform on this earth. And you knew: he didn’t need you to be a winner, to be shiny at all times, to feel proud. To love you. Whether you end up bringing the medal home or not, he will still be your biggest fan and loudest supporter.
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The intensity of the crowd doesn’t bother you at all: given your anxious nature, Chisaka-san has been adamant about training you with headphones and loud tapes for years. Music, cheers, booing, clapping, national anthems, you’re used to it all by now.
You observe the ukrainian gymnast, the way she moves so elegantly with her colorful ribbon. It looks like she’s flying, hopping on invisible steps made of air, sparkly leotard catching the light just right. Yours cost a fortune: handmade, sewn in Italy, a triumph of colorful stretch mesh, thermal crystals and sew-on rhinestones in various sizes and shapes.
As Chisaka-san helps you practice the usual deep breaths with a hand pressed to your chest, your eyes are still glued to your opponent. The podium is yours, unless you fuck up so badly even the bronze slips away. Daryna currently has the highest score and it’s certain she will protect the lead at the end of her final routine. Then follows Bulgaria’s Katerina, but you’re hardly worried about her: she finished her last exercise without catching the ribbon, a penalty you can easily overcome if luck and nerves are on your side.
When after an impeccable Daryna your name is announced at last, your trainer gives your butt a friendly, encouraging pat. She believed in you more than anyone else, more than yourself. She knew you’d qualify for the olympics and would be flying to Paris before you could even dream of such an achievement. And now you get to honor her trust, you get to prove that Paris is where you belong. The podium is yours because like hell you’re allowing it to slip away. But you want more, you want that gold.
The crowd seems louder now, flags raised in flashes of white and red in your peripheral as you smile radiantly and position yourself to start the routine. You don’t check if Atsumu was able to make it, don’t allow yourself to think of anything but the way your feet and legs and arms and hands are supposed to move.
The longest 85 seconds of your life begin along with the music, Piazzolla’s libertango but with a modern, energetic arrangement. The ribbon is not as scary as the hoop, it moves with you like an old friend, seamless and reliable. You throw the handle into the air and perform two forward rolls before catching it again in one fluid motion, lips perpetually stretched into a confident smile. The crowd erupts in deafening cheers at your backscale pivot, the more you keep cutting through the air with precision, control and passion, the more your smile grows. Yes, this is where you belong, this is what you love and were made to do.
There’s your signature move, difficult and risky and one Chisaka-san always attempts to talk you out of: a technical element, Bessonova’s swan, while simultaneously kicking the ribbon into the air with your foot once more. You catch it one last time, perform an aerial cartwheel and then a perfectly balanced backward somersault, wrap yourself in the colorful shades of your apparatus and gracefully conclude the routine on the floor.
The crowd is ear-splitting in their support and you don’t have to wait for the score to know: it was perfect. It’s the best you ever did and the tension finally melts into hot tears as you wave and smile and foolishly attempt to wipe the wetness from your cheeks at the same time. Chisaka-san wraps you up in her comforting embrace and you hide your face in her white uniform, ears ringing, blood scorching in veins throbbing with adrenaline.
“I can’t look” you whisper into her shoulder and she gently guides you to the bench, all emotional murmurs and soft touches. She sits next to you, holds your hand as you force a quivering smile to the camera, peace sign held high. And then you can barely catch a glimpse of your scores before Chisaka-san forces you into her arms and against her chest again, right as fresh tears stain your cheeks. She lets you have this moment, shields your first reaction from the world and the prying eyes of cameras that are on you once more because holy shit, Daryna has a 140.60 but you have a 142.850. They gave you a difficulty score of 19.300 and an execution one of 8.550.
“I knew it!” Chisaka-san is the only thing keeping you grounded because it truly feels as if you’re floating. It doesn’t matter how badly you wanted it, how much you fought for it, the moment doesn’t feel real. Not even as the other gymnasts come to hug you and you congratulate them in turn, it’s a whirlwind of all-encompassing love and support and mutual happiness. Moments like this make your sport truly special, they remind you that fierce competition only feels right when balanced by appreciation for your opponents’ efforts and individual journeys.
The crowd erupts in new, loud cheering and you catch a glimpse of the different face the cameras are now focusing on. A handsome face with suspicious dampness glistening on cheeks and a smile so warm, beaming with pride. You can’t help but smile back as your legs move on autopilot, a bottle of water dropped to the floor as you sprint towards the bleachers. Atsumu is in the front row and he easily catches you right as you jump onto him, arms wrapped around his neck.
“Told ya. It belongs to you” he whispers in your ear and you almost start crying again at the trembling in his voice, so many overwhelming emotions swarming in your chest at once.
“Thank you for believing in me” you mutter and pull back to look at him, because even in a venue packed with people and cameras and journalists he still manages to be the brightest, the one thing you could look at forever without ever growing tired of it.
“Always” Atsumu grins, eyes glazed with defiant tears “you did so well. Look at ya, my girl’s an olympic medalist!”.
And because you know he won’t do it, god forbid he takes the most special moment of your life away from you, you kiss him. It’s brief, two pecks that linger just enough before he lets you go, urges you to go back out there and celebrate. You don’t care that videos of this moment are probably going to be flooding every social media platform in a matter of minutes, similarly to how Atsumu hardly gives a damn about all the phones and cameras he has in his face when he runs to you after a game, whether his team wins or not.
It’s hard not to tear up again as the japanese national anthem echoes through the building, so many people singing along as you stand on the podium you have dreamed of every single day of your life. You smile, proud and big, take selfies with the other two medalists and make sure you hug every single gymnast you come across goodbye before walking out of the venue, a promise to catch up with your trainer in the evening.
Atsumu waits for you outside, he doesn’t have any additional training left for the day and you want nothing more than to walk back to the village with him, lovesick smile growing in size when you spot him underneath the afternoon sun, golden light caught beautifully in that honey blond hair.
“There she comes, the girl of my dreams” he coos and you roll your eyes with affection “I hear she’s now the greatest gymnast in the world, too!”.
“Corny” you murmur against his lips as he pulls you in for a real kiss, one of those you’re never willing to give him in front of the cameras.
“About those cardboard beds…” it’s a faint whisper into his mouth but it’s enough for Atsumu to pick you up and twirl until you’re both laughing between kisses, until someone clearing their throat prompts you to abruptly pull back and force your feet onto the ground again.
When you turn around, the embarrassed smile quickly grows into a surprised grin. The stranger is looking back at you with the faintest hint of a smirk and Atsumu isn’t entirely sure he loves the way you take a tentative step toward him.
“Congrats. It was a good routine, not your best though”.
“Oh my god” you chuckle, astonished, and Atsumu is now certain he doesn’t enjoy watching you run to hug this weird, 6’1 stranger with dark hair and teal eyes. He definitely doesn’t enjoy the way the stranger wraps his arms around you with a sigh.
“I should’ve known you’d be here! How long has it been? Look at you, all grown up!” you let him go, still smiling so hard your cheeks hurt.
“Too long” he concedes and if the stranger wasn’t still all caught up in old, familiar patterns of stubborn coldness, maybe he would be able to utter the truth about how much he’s missed one of his oldest friends.
“I missed you” as usual, you take it upon yourself to fill the spaces left empty by his obstinacy with warmth. His eyes soften and you smile again as you turn to look at your boyfriend.
“’Tsumu, c’mere!” you’re holding out a hand, an impatient invitation “come meet Rin!”
Atsumu is openly wary of your friend, one you’re obviously close enough to address by his first name. As he shakes his hand with a fake megawatt smile, Rin seems to be equally skeptical and does nothing to hide it.
“He’s your boyfriend?” he asks, briefly scanning Atsumu from head to toe with an openly dubious gaze “came all the way here just to support you?”
“Atsumu is a pro volleyball player, he’s in the national team just like you!”
“Volleyball, huh?” Rin cocks his head “doesn’t really interest me. I find it to be overrated”.
“I mean…”.
“And what would your sport be, Itoshi?” Atsumu can feel a vein throb on his forehead as he politely interrupts you.
“Soccer”.
“Oh!” a seemingly friendly laugh bubbles up from his throat but you recognize the petulant vibration to it “soccer! I think there’s only so long you can watch a player throw himself on the ground because he stubbed his toe on the grass or, I don’t know, try the same failed corner kick for the millionth time”.
You uncomfortably clear your throat and Rin directs his attention to you once more. Isn’t that what being a mature adult is all about? Ignoring pretentious assholes he doesn’t even know?
“I mean it, by the way. You deserve that gold more than anyone else I know”.
“C’mon, say it” you chuckle “I know you noticed”.
He mirrors your smile, pleased that the familiarity strengthened by years of friendship is still here.
“Barely catched that ribbon in the end, could’ve made that front walkover less stiff. Good job overall, though”.
Atsumu wants to punch him in the goddamn face, especially as you laugh once more.
“How come he’s so familiar with gymnastics?” he asks instead.
“Rin used to come watch my training sessions back in high school, although it’s insane to me that he still remembers!”.
“She never missed any of my trainings either” Rin smirks once more, gaze locked to the man in front of him.
“Speaking of!” you lightly smack his arm “when are you guys playing?”.
“Tomorrow. I can arrange special seats if you want”.
“Oh, I’d love to come! We should totally go, ‘Tsumu!”.
“Yeah, totally” Atsumu forces another smile onto his lips.
That night, as you’re cuddled against his chest on that infuriatingly uncomfortable cardboard bed, he believes it’s of the utmost importance to share the picture of you with an adorable smile and the medal around your neck as you stand proudly on that podium, followed by the two of you kissing right after your win.
miyatsumu the most hardworking person I know. my golden girl, now an olympic champion ❤️🥇
He thinks it’s a good caption and, as you softly snore in the quiet of the dark room, Atsumu also believes he’s in a mood good enough to decide not to block Shoyo on the spot after receiving his stupidly enthusiastic text about befriending some super nice dude on the national soccer team.
Whoever the hell Isagi Yoichi is anyway.
391 notes · View notes
luciferlightbringer · 11 months ago
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Love in a Hopeless Place
Chapter 11
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Chapter 10|Chapter 11|Chapter 12|Updated through Chapter 12
Lucifer x prostitute fem!reader Word Count: 5.8k CW: Slowburn, Angst, Prostitution, Hurt/comfort, trauma, fluff, depression, anxiety, insecurity, sexual tension, kissing, light teasing smut
Lucifer laid up in his bed the room up in the apple shaped penthouse that was made just for him at the upper left side of the hotel. He had made this room thinking he was be here more often, and then he stopped coming. The last few weeks may had been more tolerable if he had been here... Oh well, too late for that. Now he laid there thinking of the things the hotel people had said about you and him. Could there really be a way of fixing this?
Lucifer sighed, he was really trying not to get his hopes up. He wanted to be able to get a chance to fix things with you, pick things back up with you, if you would let him, he was willing to do practically anything to make things right with you. He'd fight 100 Adams and Alastors at the same time just for the chance to hold you again. But all he could do was lay there, in his bed, wondering if Charlie and Angel were talking to you. Would you be mad? Would you give him a chance to talk to you again? Would the report back from this exchange be the last he ever hears about you?
After what felt like hours, he heard a knock on the door.
"Who is it?" Lucifer called out.
"Dad, it's me! Can I come in?" Charlie called from the other side of the door, Angel next to her and you a few steps back.
Your heart was racing, and hearing his voice on the other side of the door made it so much worse.
"Ya!" Lucifer yelled back, still staring at the ceiling. Charlie entered his room followed by Angel, you stayed outside of the door just out of view. "How did it go? Is she ok? Was she mad?" Lucifer asked Charlie and Angel, the pain laced in his voice was apparent. It broke your heart to hear it, but it made you feel less anxious to hear him prioritize concern for you. Care... as always.
"It went well, Dad, so well in fact... that we have someone here to see you," Charlie said, turning to the doorway.
Lucifer froze as he heard another pair of footsteps enter the room. He slowly sat up to meet your gaze, those beautiful (e/c) eyes, so full of their same gentleness and care, but also indescribable pain.
"(y/n)", he whispered, as if we was afraid that saying you name too loud might make you disappear.
You smiled, "Hi Lucifer," you said softly in return, his name sounded like music dripping from your lips. No malice, no anger, something... soft and beautiful, like you had been holding your breath for years and in saying his name you finally felt like you could exhale.
All you could do was stare at each other and take each other in. Charlie and Angel smiled at each other, then looked at you both as they started to back up.
"We'll just... give you too some space to talk," Charlie said, and then closed the door behind her and Angel. They pumped their fists with a quiet "Yes!" before running downstairs to tell the rest of the hotel crew what was going on.
You and Lucifer were now alone.
The air was tease and silent, neither of you knowing who should speak or make the first move.
At the moment you started to open your mouth, Lucifer moved to slip off the bed and onto his knees on the floor, hands on the ground in front of him and forehead pressed against his hands... bowing to you?!
"(y/n), darling... I... I'm sorry, I'm so... so sorry... Please... please believe when I say I don't remember what happened that night. I was drunk, I was nervous... I- I can't forgive myself for whatever I could hav-", Lucifer rambled as he started to shake as he kept his deep bow on the floor.
"Lucifer..." you say softly cutting him off, he jumped up a little, your voice suddenly being much closer than her expected. He looked up to see you on your knees in from of him, tears also starting to well in your eyes.
"You didn't hurt me that night," you said, tears starting to fall.
"I- I didn't?" he said through tears.
"No!" you cried, "I thought I had mad you mad and that's why you didn't call for me."
Lucifer's eyes went wide, "What?! No, of course not! I was so scared, I couldn't remember what happened that night and then I got a call from the Lounge that you were calling our appointments and I was banned from seeing you!"
"No! No, Lucifer I never banned you. You never hurt me, I- got scared, I was worried, you weren't acting like yourself, you were so drunk... you told me something... and I... I- I didn't know what to do... so I just ran! I ran and I disappeared for a little to figure things out. I came back and I waited, I waited and their was nothing! I thought you hated me and were done with me!"
"No! Never, never! Hells, Duckie, I've been a mess without you! I need you!" Lucifer cried. You and Lucifer were both a mess of hysterical tears at this point, and you collapsed into an embrace as you cried, reassuring each other through heavy sobs that you were not mad or upset at the other. It was a deep cry that you had both deeply needed in the arms of the other.
After several minutes, both of you started to calm down, tears still falling but now they were able to talk without heaving as hard through their sobs.
"So... what happened, exactly? Tell me your side of it all, please..." Lucifer finally choked out. You took a few more deep breaths before starting.
"You... you showed up at my apartment... you were drunk, stumbling, had a hard time teleporting. You were sweet but very touchy, you got more drunk and touchy as the night went on. I thought you were having a really bad day, then I thought you were nervous about may wanting to try being intimate again. But then... you told me something... something I didn't know how to respond to... I was scared about responding to it the wrong way, especially because you are the King and I am just a prostitute... I didn't know if you actually cared about me, even though it always felt like you really did, and the power dynamic was just so... confusing... so I pushed you away. I ran, I disappeared on a trip for a few days to think about things, to give us space in case... well, in case I had upset you... You were supposed to be told I was just on vacation for a few days... but it sounds like you were told something else... something to split us apart," you explained, looking down at Lucifer who was snuggled back into his old position in your lap. Lucifer nodded as he listened to your explanation. "I came back, and I waited for you to schedule... and you never did. I had no way to check in with you... and I didn't want to overstep in your life by expecting a real connection if I had just misread things, or going to the hotel to ask Charlie, especially because I wasn't supposed to tell anyone... I was just so confused."
Lucifer tightened his fists in his lap, what is it that he had told you that made you so scared? That would make you run but that had also apparently not hurt you. "I'm sorry I made you keep this a secret for so long, I didn't realize how much it was hurting you... both of us... I guess I just let my pride really get in the way, and that was stupid," Lucifer paused, "Whatever I told you that night... was it bad?" Lucifer asked looking up at you.
You took a deep breath, "It's ok, I understood why you wanted it to stay quiet, I never held that against you. And...no, not bad, but it did scare me. I didn't know what to think of it."
"Can... can you tell me what I said?" Lucifer asked with big worried eyes.
You thought for a moment, this was the part you were most scared of at this point. This is where everything could fall apart again. "Can you tell me your side of things first, before I do?"
Lucifer swallowed hard, not liking how you were dodging the question, but he nodded.
"Ok," Lucifer started, "I... was really nervous that day, for a while... I'd been wondering how much of your care was real versus an act. It hadn't felt like it had been fake for... well I mean it really had never felt fake. I remember... I wanted to ask you or tell you something related to that. I had talked to a friends about that earlier in the day..."
"Asmodeus?" you asked.
"Yes! Did I say something about him? About that conversation?" Lucifer asked.
"You said he started dating someone, but not to tell anyone. I never have," you replied.
'Wow, why was that the point I had brought up? I really was out of it,' he thought.
"Well, anyways, he encouraged me to talk to you, but I had a drink to calm myself down because I was so nervous, but one became two, became four became... way too many..." Lucifer continued sheepishly, "And then I couldn't remember the rest of the night, I woke up the next morning with a crazy hangover, trying to jog my memory, and then I got the call from the Lounge. They did tell me that you were on vacation... but then added that "the truth" was that you had put me on your ban list, that you had come back saying you "couldn't take this shit anymore" and that you were a good actor, that you were a heartbreaker, that you would "even break the King's heart if you had the chance".
You gasped and more tears welled up in your eyes, "Lucifer, it's not true! You have to believe me," you hugged Lucifer tightly in your lap, "That's not who I am, yes I can act, but I swear I haven't ever once lied to you!"
Lucifer held your face, "I know."
You stared down at him as tears rolled down your cheeks, "You do?"
He nodded, "I didn't in the moment, when the call happened, but the others did. Husk and Angel. The whole damn hotel sat me down to have an intervention to set me straight. I was still hesitant, but between your reaction now and them... I believe you. You do care about me, you always have."
"Yes, of course I care about you!" you say holding his face with one hand. Lucifer smiled and nuzzled his face into your hand.
"Lucifer, the person you talked to on the phone. Do you remember anything distinct about them? Their voice or the way they talked," you asked earnestly.
Lucifer thought, "I remember it was a feminine voice, very hissy ssssss sounds the entire time they talked."
You saw red, that was all the proof you needed.
"Cynthhhhia," you snarled. Lucifer's eyes widened, he had never seen you mad before.
"Who is Cynthia?" Lucifer asked, an edge in his voice.
"She is the biggest bitch at the Lounge, the girl I always talked about cutting down to size? That's her. She was on phone's that day as a punishment for hurting me the night I ran back to the Lounge," you seethed, "Larry must have stepped away and she must have a had enough time to slip you that lie..."
Lucifer sat up more in your lap, eyes turning red, "You think this Cynthhhhia bitch lied to get us apart? Why?"
"Yes... she always hated that I was getting paired with more "high rollers" as we would call them, well-off powerful people, she hated that I was more popular with customers than her... she must have taken the opportunity to sever our relationship to make me suffer..." you stopped as Lucifer got up from your lap stepping a few feet away from you breathing heavily with his hands balled into tight fists, "Lucifer?"
You watched as the air seemed to shake around him, his wings snapped out from his back and started to flap, his eyes burned with blind rage as this horns and tail erupted from his body, a flame appearing above his head, his claws growing large and sharp. Flame escaped from his mouth as with a demonic voice Lucifer bellowed, "HOW DARE THAT BITCH SEVER YOU FROM ME?! HER LIVE IS FOREFIT. I WILL GRIND HER BODY TO DUST. I WILL BEAT THE AFTERLIFE OUT OF HER. I WILL RIP HER APART WITH MY BARE HANDS AND FEED HER TO THE CANNIBALS. I FASHION HER FLESH INTO BOOTS. I WILL..."
You ran up and wrapped your arms around Lucifer's waist, the air stopped rumbling, his body started to relax, his flames dissipated, and he looked down at you with a softened eyes, still glowing.
"Lucifer please, I'm mad too... but please stay with me. She's not worth the energy! You can turn her into snake jerky boots tomorrow!" You say, clinging to him tightly, "I need you here now..."
Lucifer blinked back to his regular red eyes before letting himself drop back to the ground, wrapping his arms back around you, "I'm sorry, Duckie... I'm just so mad that one lie over a phone call caused so much pain for you and I..." he pulled away a little and cupped your face with one hand, "I just want to make her pay for what she has done to us."
"I do too," you say carding your fingers through his hair, "I'm sure the others would too, I'm looking at you readers, but... how about we ruin her day tomorrow. Ok? Let's not let her ruin this, she's not worth it."
Lucifer hummed into your touch and closed his eyes, allowing himself to revert back to his normal soft appearance, "Ok... on one condition," he said opening his eyes again to look into yours.
"What would that be?" you ask nervously.
"Tell me what it was that I told you. Please?" he asked with bright eyes.
You looked away briefly and then met his gaze again, you felt your face grow hot, "You sure? You're not going to get mad?"
Lucifer gave you a confused smile, "Why would I be mad at you for telling me something I said to you? Just... tell me." Lucifer still held you in a close embrace, looking into your eyes.
You breath deeply, and look down at Lucifer, "You... you told me that you loved me."
Both of your faces turned bright red as you starred at each other in tense silence.
'Are you shitting me? I told her I loved her while I was shit face plastered?! Fuck, ya... ok her reaction makes sense now' Lucifer thought.
"Oh... golly... haha... I can see why that might make you uncomfortable" Lucifer said looking away from you with a nervous laugh.
You look at Lucifer, noticing deep blush running across his pale cheeks, and smiled. You steeled yourself for the next question.
"Did you mean it?" you asked.
Lucifer looked up into your eyes, studying your face. This was the moment he had wanted so many weeks ago, this was how it was supposed to feel. Vulnerable, terrifying, but the only place he ever wanted to be. This was the moment that would change everything, but now, he knew she cared, this would not be the end of everything.
"Yes, (y/n), I love you. I've loved you for months."
You heart swelled with joy to hear him say it this time, and with him being sober and so nervous, all of your worries from the past didn't matter now. You couldn't keep your eyes from welling with tears of joy. You moved your hands up to Lucifer's face to hold his soft cheeks.
Lucifer sat in swirl of emotions as he watched you react to his statement, 'Does she... feel the same?'
"Well..." Lucifer got out, before freezing up, trying to figure out what to say.
You laughed, "I... I love you too, Lucifer."
Lucifer's eyes go wide, taking a moment to process your words, before he moves without thinking, pulling you in closer and pressing his lips against yours.
The kiss sent waves of electricity through both of your bodies. You had kissed a lot of people for work, but nothing had ever felt like this before. You felt gripped by a want to fuck Lucifer in a way you had never wanted to fuck someone before, you ached for him, you ached for only him. In that moment you were ruined for watching to touch another soul ever again. Your tongues explore each other's mouths, passionate and desperate, as if you both relied on the other to breath.
After a few minutes, you both break the kiss, pressing your foreheads together, breathing heavily.
"Fuck..." Lucifer heaved, "That was amazing... You are amazing."
You laugh, tracing a finger down Lucifer's chest, "Just wait til, I get me hands on the rest of you... If you want that... of course."
Lucifer's eye glazed over with pure lust as he looked you over, "Oh, Duckie... I have wanted nothing more than to rip your clothes off and take you to Heaven since the day I met you... but I don't want to be selfish and I feel like I would want to be. I want you to be mine, all mine, only mine," he purred into the skin of your neck. You tip your head back and let your eyes roll back with the pleasure of the sensory.
"Then you can, have me," you say. Lucifer gives you a look.
"I'm all yours, I'll quit the Lounge, move into the hotel like I wanted, and I will be only yours, if you'll have me," your eyes looked with Lucifer's.
He smiled, putting his forehead against yours, "I accept, you will be mine and I will be yours. Tomorrow, we will go down to Lounge, give them your 2 minute notice, and then... we make that little bitch Cynthhhhia rue the day she ever messed with us." Lucifer planted another long passionate kiss on your lips.
"But for now... I get the feeling that we may have some people downstairs that want to see the results of our conversation. What do you say?" Lucifer said, offering you his arm. You smile and take his arm, going out the door and making your way downstairs to the hoops and hollers of your hotel friends, especially when Lucifer kissed you again in front of all of them.
You spent the rest of the night partying and talking with the hotel crew until you grew tired. Then, Lucifer picked you up and took you up to his room in the hotel, where you and Lucifer fell asleep in either others arms again, the way you would every night from then on.
______________________________________________________________
The next morning, you wake up, tightly snuggled against Lucifer's chest, and you look up to see him unabashedly looking down with love filled eyed at you and running his fingers through your hair. He smiled warmly as your eyes met his.
"Good morning~" he cooed as he dipped his head down to kiss your lips. Your bodies moved closer to each other as you kissed, starting to get drunk off of the taste of the other. Your face and chest grew hot and red, until eventually Lucifer broke the kiss you hold your face, staring into each other's dilated eyes. Lucifer was pleased by the love drunk look on your face.
"You know, if I didn't know any better, I would take you as a pent up, untouched virgin instead of a seasoned sex worker with the way you're reacting to a simple kiss," Lucifer says smugly, taking in the deep red tone of your cheeks and the glazed look of your eyes.
"Well... I mean... I may have had plenty of physical intimacy... but it's always been for money, survival... this, however~" you says as you pull him in for another deep, desperate kiss, hand running down the side of his body before stopping on his thigh, releasing him from the kiss while keeping your lips as close to his as possible without touching. "This is something completely different entirely... unbridled desire like I've never felt in life or death... and I'm famished," you whisper.
Lucifer swallowed hard, blinking hard as his own face burned red and he felt himself get more dizzy and love drunk on your words. "Fuck... oh, Duckie... I want to do... so... many... sinful things to you. I have for months... but I do think we should prioritize taking care of your status at the Lounge... and that bitch... Because I don't know about you, but..." Lucifer rolls on top of you, pinning you to the bed, lowering his head to be next to your ear, "when I finally get to fuck you... I want you to be mine. Only... mine... Don't you agree, my Apple?" he planned a soft kiss on your neck.
You're breathing was ragged, your heart pounded in your chest, you had never been so turned on in your life. You couldn't even speak, all you could do was nod.
Lucifer looked down at you, committing the image of your body beneath him to memory before sighing, chuckling a little, giving you a kiss on both checks and then on the lips before getting off of your and getting up to start getting dressed.
You had to take a minute to let yourself breath for a minute before getting up. Lucifer smuggly looked at you over his shoulder as he buttoned up his vest, "You doing ok over their~?" he cooed.
"Shut up," you say playfully. 'Fuckkkkkk', you thought, how was this the same man that wanted to be dominated so desperately the first night you met? Should have known he was a bratty switch. He was really proving his status as the Sin of Pride with that smug ass attitude this morning, and goooooodddd was it hot.
Eventually you did get out of bed and got dressed for the day, Lucifer giving you a longing look as you did. Before long, it was time for you and Lucifer to head to the Lounge, together. Others from the hotel had learned about the reason for the miscommunication and lack of contact with you during the celebration the night before and many people wanted to come with to watch the confrontation unfold. So soon, you, Lucifer, Charlie, Angel, Cherri, Niffty, and even Alastor, much to Lucifer's dismay, were ready to make your way out to the Entertainment District. Husk and Vaggie also wanted to go, but someone needed to stay behind and man the hotel, so they just asked for a play by play of the events when everyone returned.
"Ready everyone?" Lucifer called out before tapping his cane on the ground, opening a portal right in front of the Lounge. Lucifer offered you his arm, which you took before stepping out of the portal onto the street in front of your place of work, followed by all of your friends. Immediately upon stepping out onto the street, onlookers started to look, whispers, point, and take pictures as they saw the King with you on his arm, followed by the Princess, a famous Porn Star, and the Radio Demon, with Niffty and Cherri tagging along.
Lucifer opened the door to the Lounge and walked in, striding up to the front counter with you on his arm. Larry turned around to greet the new customers just to find himself facing the King of Hell and company.
"Y-your highness, with (y/n), and the Princess, Angel, t-the Radio Demon, and... uhhh," Larry stopped looking down at Niffty.
"Hi! I'm Niffty!" Niffty gave a sharp smile while waving a knife in her hand. "And I'm Cherri Bomb," she added.
Larry blinked looking at Niffty before looking back up at Lucifer, "Right... uhh... Your Majesty," he bowed, realizing the should have done that the first time. "To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit? And with one of my girls," he said shooting you a quick 'What the hell is happening here?!' look.
"Haha, well! You must be Larry! Let me introduce myself to you my fine man. Hi," Lucifer says extending his hand to Larry, "I'm Lance", Lucifer said, darkening his eyes.
"Oh!" Larry said shaking his hand before the realization kicked in, "Oh..." he looked at you, then Lucifer, back to you, then back at Lucifer, "OOohhhhhhh...." Larry let go of Lucifer's hand, his body starting to shake a little.
Lucifer smirked and wrapped an arm around you, "We were wanting to talk to you able a... troubling customer service issue that miss (y/n) and I experienced a few weeks ago that interrupted my services with her... if you have the time that is..." Lucifer said with as smile in his face that did not reach his rage filled eyes.
Larry panicked, "Uh.. uhh yes! Of course! Uhhh... would you like to come back to my office or..."
"Oh, no, my good sir, out here is just fine," continuing his sharp smile, looking out at the sea of girls and customers watching the interaction with growing interest.
"O-Ok, ya sure," Larry clears his throat, "So, uhh... what seems to be the issue?"
"Well... you see... your associate here and I had not scheduled any appointments for the last few weeks due to a... concerning miscommunication issue. You see, while this one was out on her much deserved vacation, I was called and told that she was out for a few days... but then they corrected themself and told me I was banned from scheduling with her again... but that I was free to utilize the services of other girls," Lucifer said distain slowly slipping into his voice, his smile starting to strain.
Larry's expression changed from fear to frustration, "Oh... that is troubling, I can confirm that (y/n) did not express any desire to ban you, sir. I apologize... I had no idea that happened... You... wouldn't happen to know who it was that you talked to that day, would you?"
"I didn't catch a name, but it was someone with a feminine voice and elongated "S"s.... kinda... serpentine sounding. You... wouldn't happen to know of anyone on your staff that would fit that description... would you?" Lucifer said, his smile now fully flat with half opened, unenthused eyes.
Larry balled his hands into fits, "As a matter of fact, your highness... I do... I'll... be... right back..." Larry made his way to the back to find the girl that matched the description, the sea of people parting as he lumbered through.
Lucifer looked up at you and winked, "Showtime" he mouthed to you. You smiled back at him as you started to hear the familiar screams of Cynthhhhia as Larry dragged her up to the front lobby, tossing her on the floor in front of Lucifer and you.
"AAHHHHH!!! Larry what the fuck! I wasssss in the the middle of a sssssession! What's the big ide-" Cynthhhhia finally looked up to Lucifer and you standing in front of her, glaring down at her, with his arm around your waist at his side. "Ohhhhh! Y-your highness, itssssss and honor, w-wha-what is thisssss all about?" She tried to smile at him, here eyes darting to you and to the others watching around the room.
"Apparently, a few weeks ago, you had a little of a communication issue with Mr. Morningstar here, or should I say... Mr. Lance... Care to explain, Cynthhhhia?" Larry hissed through clenched teeth.
"Lance, wha-" Cynthhhhia finally remembered, she now looked at you, then Lucifer, back to you, then him. Then she looked back at Larry, then around the room, to Charlie and Angel, then back to Lucifer. In that moment, she didn't not understand how this happened, but she knew she was absolutely fucked.
"Well... I feel like you already know... but I'll just ssssay it. I lied, I lied to Lanc-Lucifer... about (y/n)'sssss vacation, I had no one around ssssso I told him he had been banned, he didn't ask any questionsssss and didn't try sssssscheduling another appointment... Ssssso I reported that I had called and that he would call back to ressssschedule... I thought I was in the clear..." Cynthhhhia said looking at the ground, then looked up again, "I guess there were sssssome factorsssss that I didn't not account for.."
"Ya! Like us!" Angel added.
"Like her developing friendships and bonds during her time with my dad that cared to ask why she was not around anymore, and we figured out that these two had two very different understandings of why they were not able to see the other," Charlie said with a triumphant smile, gesturing to her dad and you.
"Cynthhhhia, why would you do this?" Larry asked coldly.
Cynthhhhia hissed, "For the same reason as alwaysssss, I hated her sssssuccesssss! I saw a chanccccce and I took it. The real question issss, why did you all care sssssso much. She's is just a ssssstupid, ssssselfish, fake, whore!"
In an instant, Lucifer's demon form emerged, horns, wings, red eyes, tail and all, and he flicked his sharp tail to her neck, lifting her head to meet his gaze, "Because my dear, ssssssweet, idiot," he spat, "She is actually none of those things. She is the kindest, sweetest, warmest, most loving, and selfless woman I have ever met, and because of that... I fell in love with her."
The room gasped, including Cynthhhhia and Larry. "You're little stunt simply caused us to be apart before we could talk it out. Thanks to my daughter, we figured it out, we figured you out. So now... my question for both of you is... how do we rectify this.. little problem? This certainly caused myself and my love much grief over the last few weeks, and it sounds like this putrid snake was causing my dear problems long before that at this establishment... and I simply cannot let that stand," Lucifer said, starring daggers into Cynthhhhia's soul.
"Well uhhh... as far as I can control... Cynthhhhia is fired from my establishment and will be backlisted from every brothel and porn studio in the Pride Circle effect of immediately, she will be kicked out of housing with us, and I will turn a blind idea to anything that becomes of her outside of this establishment... Does that seem fair?" Larry asked. Cynthhhhia seethed on the ground.
Lucifer smiled, "A good start but not enough, there is more I will require, and I have a list of demands."
Larry shifted uncomfortably, "Of course your highness, what would those be?"
Lucifer looked at you and smiled, "I request the release of (y/n) from her work contract here, as well as her housing contract," Lucifer looked back at Larry, "She will not be needing to be here anymore now that she is with me."
Larry made a displeased face, and looked at you "Is this what you want Babydoll?"
You nodded, "It has nothing to do with you, Larry, you have been good to me..." you look to Lucifer and the others, "I just finally found where I belong... and I need to see where this goes."
Larry nodded, "Consider it done. I'll miss you, kid."
Lucifer nodded, "Well..." he clapped his hands, " I guess we are done here then! Duckie, I will have your stuff taken out of your old room and moved to the hotel. As for you," Lucifer said looking down at Cynthhhhia, who was on the floor trying to crawl away, but froze in place when addressed, "We are not quiet through with you." Lucifer wrapped his tail around her waist and pulled her along as he walk out the door, followed by the other hotel crew and some interested patrons and girls.
Cynthhhhia screamed as she was dragged and tossed out onto the street in front of Lucifer and the others.
Lucifer looked to you with a slight bow, gesturing towards Cynthhhhia, "My darling, would you like to do the honors?" he purred.
You shrugged, "I don't really wanna touch her, but I'll start her off," you say stretching your arms as you walked towards her.
Cynthhhhia cowered and pleaded with you, you wound up your arm and slugged Cynthhhhia in the face, sending her flying back several feet. You were met with a crowd of cheers and yelps, Lucifer nodded approvingly at your punch. Lucifer next rolled up his sleeves and pummeled her into the ground a few dozen times before getting up staying he had enough. Cynthhhhia was still conscious, but barely.
Lucifer then offered the chance up to the rest of the crew. Niffty ran up and gave her a few quick stabs, then to your surprise, Alastor stepped forward with a sinister grin on his face. You and Lucifer gave each other a confused look, then looked back at him.
"Now Cynthhhhia, darling, as much as I enjoyed seeing how much torment your little stunt caused, I do say I that I am not very fond of how it impacted the overall morale of the hotel, and I simply cannot have that," Alastor said as his horns and body started to grow larger and more sinister, his face turning more into the radio face you had seen it become before in battle. "I'm sorry, my dear, but I'm going to need to make an example out of you, to show everyone what happened when you mess with the Hazbin Hotel and it's residents. And besides! ...my radio broadcast has been in need of some new screams!" Alastor laughed maniacally before engulfing Cynthhhhia in his mystical black tentacles and carried her off to be ripped apart and have her screams added to his collect on his broadcast.
You and the other's starred off after Alastor in horror as he took of with Cynthhhhia. "Wow..." you said, "That uhhh... that was not the ending to her I expected. But I'll take it!" You smiled looking at Lucifer who smiled and rolled his eyes. He then grabbed your waist, pulling you into a dip and kissed you deeply for all of Hell to see.
"Come on," he said breaking from the kiss, "Lets get you home."
Home.
You liked the sound of that.
______________________________________________________________
One last chapter I think! And IT.WILL.HAVE.SMUT. xoxo, dany As usual, leave a comment if you want added to the taglist so that you can get notifications when future chapters drop! xoxo, dany (OMG there are so many of you!😍 Please let me know if the tag isn't working for you) Taglist :(red names are not tagging for some reason 😢) @froggybich @wonderlandangelsposts @glowinthedarkbones1150 @marydragneell @crescent-z @superdinosaurnacho @jam0001 @kyo-kyo1 @so-get-this-sammy @lilzebeth @kelppsstuff @loquacious-libra @pinkhoneydrop @luleck @writer-girl99 @lavenz @stormz369 @littleladydemon @soujiswife @melday0105 @luluxx118 @sseleniaa @futureittomainn @cktkat @zaneyyyy @uravitsy @liecoris @starlitvenus @hannahrose130 @elleofdragons @butch-medusae @concentratedconcrete @erosamasan @stranger-chan @aquaamethyst96 @lxkeee @holyspacething @hulyenl @leximus98 @lu-ferri12 @mixplara @katnisspeetaprim @rebecca-hvnstn @roboticsuccubus83 @nekemewlita @femboyfatalle @thelethex @cryptidghostgirl @snowlotr @bangchansdirty-slut @glowymxxn @mcueveryday @hotvillianapologist @oneiric-rotaerc @wolfdaddyalphasworld @sleepypottersworld @wisterialagoon @theredviolets @theperfectmangovoid @lemonmoonmochi @sapphireravensworld @ezi0724 @undertalephanjackandmark-blog
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putschki1969 · 4 months ago
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KALAFINA REUNION 📢IT'S TRUE📢
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Why did I even go to bed last night??! Damn it, I lost precious time. Anways, many of you must have seen my post last night about that ominous Nikkan Sports article speculating about a possible comeback of Kalafina. I honestly thought it was fake news since it contained a ton of unconfirmed/uncredited information. However, there was lots of interesting stuff that kept me from dismissing it entirely. I mean, who would go through all the trouble coming up with details such as specific quotes or exact concert details? Turns out they mostly got the dates mixed up but the rest was true. At noon Japanese Standard Time, we got all of our official announcements. Here's the gist of it〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→
Kalafina Staff Posts 1 & 2 on Twitter
Announcement of "Kalafina Anniversary LIVE 2025" Date: Wednesday, January 15, 2025 Open at 17:30 /Start 18:30 Venue: Tokyo Garden Theater Performers: Kalafina (Wakana, Keiko, Hikaru) Music Director: Takebe Satoshi
To everyone who loves and supports Kalafina We have decided to hold a "Kalafina Anniversary LlVE 2025". We want to sing together as a trio again, knowing that you all have always cherished Kalafina, even while we are doing solo activities. We look forward to seeing you there! Kalafina (Wakana, Keiko, Hikaru)
Ticket sales are scheduled for the following dates: ■Wakana/KEIKO Fan Club Advanced Lottery October 10, 2024, 11:00 - October 20, 23:59 ■Hikaru X (formerly Twitter) Advanced Lottery October 25, 11:00 - November 4, 23:59 ■General Ticket Lottery November 9, 11:00 - November 11, 23:59
Keiko Posts 1 & 2 on Twitter & Fan Club Site & Tristone & Instagram post
To all our supporters We have decided to hold a "Kalafina Anniversary LlVE 2025". Through my solo activities and activities with FictionJunction, I have had many new encounters and taken on new challenges, and I am where I am today thanks to the support of many people. This is a personal matter, but the reason I took a break from singing and then decided to sing again was because of Yuki Kajiura's music. And it was the feelings of everyone who has supported us up until now that led to this event. I am grateful for those feelings, and I am simply happy that the three of us can deliver Kalafina's music again. I am truly looking forward to seeing you all next year. KEIKO
Hikaru's Post on Twitter and Instagram
To everyone who always supports us We are happy to announce that we'll be holding a "Kalafina Anniversary LlVE 2025". Even during my solo activities, I always got a strong sense of everyone's love for Kalafina. I'm grateful we are getting this opportunity to sing together again as a trio and to perform all those treasured songs which Yuki Kajiura has written for us. I hope we can raise a new flag together with all of you. I look forward to seeing you there that day! 2024.10.03 Hikaru
Wakana Posts on Twitter & Botanical Land & Instagram post
(We finally have an official statement from Wakana on her Insta) It has been decided that an "Kalafina Anniversary LIVE 2025" will be held on January 15th next year. From 2018 to the present, we have each pursued our own music, but we have decided to sing together again. I would like to express my sincere gratitude to all of you who always think of and love Kalafina. I am very much looking forward to meeting you all.
Satoshi Takebe Tweet 1 & Tweet 2 & Tweet 3 (deleted)
Today I had a meeting with some artists I truly respect and had a beer in the middle of the day 🍺 We had a fun afternoon. I hope there will be lots of fun things to do next year too. I can't say anything yet, but I'm already working on some exciting projects!! (Tweet 1)
I believe that my mission is to support artists. It is never my intention to betray or hurt people. That is the one thing I have always stayed true to, and I will continue to do so. It may sound naive, but I believe that sincerity and passion are what motivate people. (Tweet 2)
Due to confidentiality obligations, I cannot explain the situation. However, Kajiura-san is an artist I respect, she's a wonderful musician, and I am a fan of the music she creates. I would like to support the three members with the utmost respect. (Tweet 3 - deleted)
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Tweet by Yuki Kajiura & Tweet 2 & Tweet 3
Regarding Kalafina I've received some inquiries in relation to the most recent announcement of an upcoming Kalafina Live Concert so I'd like to use this opportunity to clarify that I, Yuki Kajiura, will not have no involvement whatsoever in this concert. Furthermore, I have not received any advance notice or explanation from the organisers or any of the group members. Given the situation, I am therefore unable to answer any questions. I apologise, but any future inquiries regarding Kalafina should be directed at the organisers and official agencies of the group members.
I believe the members of Kalafina have decided to step away from me as their producer to go on a new path that is not related to me. I had been searching for a way to work together again in the future to create new Kalafina music but that will no longer be happening. It is very unfortunate but this is the road that each member has chosen. We are all individuals searching for our personal musical path so things like this happen.
As you all know, the three of them are truly wonderful singers so I have no doubt that they will continue to deliver amazing vocals and music to their fans. I would like to express my sincere gratitude once again for the privilege and happiness of having been able to create music together with them for nearly ten years, and I wish Kalafina continued success in the future.
Yuki Kajiura (Tweet 1)
I hope for a great success regarding the upcoming concert, and that's all I can say about this. I hope to continue making music in a cheerful and fun way in the future (^^). (Tweet 2)
This may be an unnecessary remark, but… there's no way that Kalafina will no longer be able to sing their past songs just because one producer has left, and I personally don't wish that upon them.
I'm sure they'll create a wonderful harmony at their live show in January, so I hope you'll give thunderous cheers and applause to Kalafina's singing and to the musicians who support them on stage. Once again, I wish them all the success in the world. (Tweet 3)
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
Wow. All of this is wild. I don't even know what to say. I can hardly believe it. On one hand, I am beyond happy and excited. There's no way I will not be there for this concert and everything beyond that. But on the other hand, all the announcements make this feel a little bittersweet. The personal statements by Wakana, Keiko and Hikaru don't necessarily feel disingenuous but they sound a bit flat and forced. Sadly, there's no personal statement from Wakana yet. Obviously, the elephant in the room is Yuki Kajiura's statement and her exclusion from the entire project. The way her statement is written comes off as quite bitter, passive aggressive and honestly a little petty which doesn't bode well for the future (maybe her manager Mori asked her to phrase it in such a way to make the organisers look bad. And I can understand why she would feel frustrated at being excluded like that). Mostly, I interpret her standoffish attitude as a knee-jerk reaction or as a way to strongly distance herself from the whole thing and not so much as an attempt to bash the members (the latter half of the statement would indicate that at least). Also, she already seems to regret posting such a harsh statement and posted a couple of follow-up tweets. I truly do not understand what is going on behind the scenes to cause so much hostility between Yuki Kajiura, her management and whoever is pulling the strings for this Kalafina reunion (presumably Space Craft's management). My best guess is that Space Craft is at least somehow involved in this project since both Wakana and Satoshi Takebe are able to participate (Takebe is not affiliated with Space Craft but he's been in charge of almost all of Wakana's solo work so maybe there are some ties to the agency).It looks like Space Craft are adamant about not working together with YK (same old childish attitude). Then again, Satoshi Takebe has enough influence in the industry to organise a project like this without the help of Space Craft. Maybe Sony is also involved? I have no idea. Hope we are getting more details once the ticket lotteries start. A new Kalafina website (still being developed) has popped up and it's run by Space Craft so that's probably proof enough that they are one of the main players in all of this.
I wonder if this was a spur of the moment thing once they realised how much hype there still exists for Kalafina after that "ring your bell" performance at the FSN event...Overall, the timing is so weird, Why now? I mean, this doesn't sound like it has been in the making for a very long time based on the fact that Yuki Kajiura didn't even know about it. Keiko and Hikaru literally collaborated with her a couple of weeks ago so how did this topic not come up even once???! Wonder how it will affect future collaborations between Yuki, Keiko and Hikaru? They still have the Asia tour dates coming up in November so I can imagine it would be kinda awkward to work together after this bomb has been dropped. Will they still be covering Kalafina songs? Either way, I refuse to believe tha there has been a real falling out between any of them. It comes across like a series of unfortunate events. Maybe some miscommunication and rushed action but nothing that couldn't be cleared up with a proper conversation.
One thing I'm also curious about is whether or not Satoshi Takebe will take on the role as producer for future music (if they are even planning to go down that route?? It does sound like they might have new projects/releases in store for us...I do feel a little conflicted about that since Yuki Kajiura is such an important component of Kalafina. This is basically what I thought would happen back in 2018/2019. With someone else coming in to take charge of the music production. Back then I wasn't completely against the idea since I was convinced the girls could make it work (especially with the help of someone as established and competent as Satoshi Takebe) but it certainly wasn't my preferred option. Ughhh, I will remain open-minded for the time being. My love for Wakana, Keiko and Hikaru goes beyond anything so as of right now, I feel happy and excited. The live in January will be a celebration of Kalafina so there's no way I'm not going. If they continue to hold "tribute" concerts like this, it will mostly be a nostalgic cash-grab but hey, I'm the target group for that. They can have all my money. And I can definitely see myself supporting them in future projects even with Yuki Kajiura out of the picture. Takebe has been engaging in some surprisingly frank one-on-one discussions on Twitter and so far, it looks like certain confidentiality agreements keep him from going into detail in the matter but his involvement as of right now is limited to being a director/producer for the concert on January 15.
It goes without saying that I will not tolerate any hate towards the girls on this blog! If you are bitter that Yuki Kajiura is not involved, that's your prerogative, I'm sure this will antagonise quite a few hardcore YK fans. But please, don't shit on the members for making this decision. I'm sure they put a lot of thought into it and felt like this course of action was in everyone's best interest. They are clearly thinking about the fans, their own passion/love for Kalafina's music and obviously their careers within the industry.
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animeomegas · 24 days ago
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Neji with breeding ig? Baby boy deserves babies (I love Neji)
-🌹(I think that's my emoji again sleepy)
Oh, this is a bittersweet kink for Neji.
He loves it, adores it so much.
But with his fertility troubles, there is a point in his life where it becomes too painful to pretend.
So before, and after, the worst of his fertility struggles, it's a solid 10/10.
But for those interim years, it probably drops to about a 5/10. He still likes it, but the pain is there, too.
So let's focus on the better years!
Neji loves you to whisper soft things about getting him pregnant and starting a family with him.
Tell him how beautiful he's going to look while pregnant. Tell him how good of an oma he's going to be. Tell him how you can't wait to add another member to your family.
It should all be positive, unless you're roleplaying with him. If he's playing the prince seduced by the guard or something, then sure, tell him you're getting him pregnant for the scandal, to burden him with your baby and the attached secret. He definitely gets off on that.
But if he's just being Neji, then everything should be loving and soft. The hypothetical baby is not a burden, they're a gift, and you must promise to be at his side every step of the way.
Having sex while spooning wasn't a common position for you and Neji, but there was something about colder air in Snow Country and the cozy nest of blankets you found yourselves in that just made it feel right.
You nuzzled into the back of Neji's neck, holding him firmly against your chest as you rocked slowly into him. Neji's breathing was heavy, but there was still something low energy about the whole thing. It was soft and sweet in the most intoxicating way.
"You're so perfect," you whispered into his hair. "I can't believe you married an alpha like me."
"You're a fool if you don't understand why I married you." You could hear the smile in his voice.
"Because I'm good in bed?" You punctuated your words with a small change in the angle of your thrusts that you knew he'd like. Sure enough, Neji inhaled sharply as you hummed with mirth.
There was a beat of silence, and for a moment you thought you were being given the silent treatment for you tasteless joke, but then he spoke, his words soft and earnest.
"It was because you chose me," he said simply. "You chose a future with me even though it's been... complicated."
The genuine emotion had you tightening your arms around your mate so that you could hug him properly. You stilled your hips, just resting inside him.
"There is nothing more precious in my life than the future I get to have with you. Nothing, Neji." You kissed his shoulder. "The happiness when I imagine our future is second to none. I daydream about getting to see you everyday when I get home from work, about spoiling you on your birthday, about... about our baby, a little one who looks just like you, calling you oma... it's what keeps me going every day."
Neji let out a quiet whine. "You can't tease me with such visions if you don't intend to follow through, alpha, that would be so cruel."
You snuggled him closer, wishing you could somehow meld into one and let him feel your love for him personally.
"I'm ready to make that a reality whenever you are. We're married, we're comfortable, we can handle whatever life throws at us as long as we're together. Whenever you want a baby, just say the word."
It fell silent again for a moment. The howling winds outside rattled the windows, but no cold could penetrate the warm cocoon you were both wrapped up in.
"I want..." Neji started before trailing off.
"Hmm?"
"I want that now. I want your baby now."
Well... You never were good at denying your omega.
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pearlessance · 7 months ago
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Forgive Me, Father - Idle Threats [viii]
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Series Summary — Joel has watch duty with Jackson’s twenty-year old, smart-mouthed brat and gets more than he bargained for.
Chapter Summary — Joel hears your confession and breaks all ten commandments in the house of the holy.
Pairing — Joel Miller/Reader
Warnings — Explicit sexual content MDNI, brat taming, age gap, mean!Joel, religious imagery and symbolism, catholic guilt, reader has added backstory to progress the plot, mention of sexual assault, murder, canon typical violence, renouncing of god, desecration of a church, blood, brief daddy kink
SERIES MASTERLIST
[cross posted to AO3]
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The following days are easier than any other you’ve had since leaving Jackson. It takes two days, but Joel hears your laugh again and feels himself release a heavy weight at the sound. Once, when the two of you are switching watch shifts, you sleepily mutter his name. And he goes to you like he always will—and you whisper an almost incoherent confession of your affection. “I love you, too,” you say, and he tries not to think about the way it makes him feel like a boy your age, hearing those words for the first time. 
You move slower, and it’s not because of the extra weight strapped to your horses. Joel doesn’t say it, but he knows it’s because you’re afraid of returning to Jackson. Afraid of things going back to the way they were before this run.
In truth, Joel worries about it too. Worries about finding a new routine, worries about Maria and Tommy and Ellie, worries about what they’ll say. It won’t make him change his mind, he knows. Nothing would ever make him regret this selfish decision to keep you. But sometimes, in a too-long moment of silence, anxiety builds in his chest when he thinks of it. 
But you still have several days before you return, and Joel intends to soak up this sweet, delicate time with you while he still can.
A little over halfway back to Jackson, you stop before the sun sets and make camp in an old, abandoned church. The very same one advertised on the billboard Joel had seen on the way to Casper.
Some of the pews are turned over while others have been broken apart and likely set ablaze in the pile of ashes in the center of the floor. There are no infected, but there’s a stone statue of Mary that looms ominously in the corner, covered in dust and cracked along its painted surface.
Joel feels uncomfortable here. Feels watched, judged. His skin crawls and he thinks about pushing on until you find some other place to rest.
The altar table has been left untouched, decorated with a yellowed, satin ribbon draped along its center. The bible lying on top is flipped open to a passage Joel knows well.
Corinthians 10:13 
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that which you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
It’s bookmarked not with a scrap of paper but with a silver necklace tucked in its spine. A dainty thing with a cross dangling from the end of it. Joel picks it up, watches it sway between his calloused fingers. 
And when he turns to face you, you’re standing in the middle of the center aisle and the setting sunlight casts a shadow across your face, making you look like some angelic being sent to him by God himself. “Did you ever come to one of these before the world ended?”
Joel nods, takes the necklace in his hands and finds his way back to you. “Quite a bit when I was a kid,” he answers. “My mom was pretty religious. We went to every Sunday service and sometimes the ones on Wednesdays, too. Even sent Tommy and I to the church's after-school program for young kids.”
He holds the necklace out to show you, and a shiver runs down his spine when you trace the cross in his palm, your touch electrifying. It’s just the smallest brush of your index finger, but it makes the air get caught in his lungs. “Pretty,” you say wistfully. “Do you believe in God?”
Joel jerks his chin in a silent demand and you obey wordlessly, turning away from him. He unclasps the necklace as you hold your hair out of the way. “I did,” he answers slowly, wrapping the silver chain carefully around your throat. “And then I didn’t.”
“And now?” 
He secures it and runs his knuckles down the nape of your neck. No would be the closest thing to the truth, but it’s not quite it. Joel thinks about lying to save himself the shame but rejects the thought as soon as it comes. “I believe in you,” he says quietly.
Somehow this confession feels heavier than his declaration of love. Perhaps it’s because this is the thing he’s struggled with, this strange worship of Judas. You’ve come to him in pieces, a shell of a girl, a betrayer—and yet it’s your altar he crawls to. It’s you who holds the keys to heaven, who controls both his grace and his damnation.
Joel leans forward and presses his lips to your skin, leaving goosebumps in his wake. He can feel your breath falter, and so he does it again. This time a kiss to your shoulder, right above the collar of your sweater. 
His hands have a mind of their own as they find your waist. Joel knows this is wrong, knows how sinful it is, and yet he knows the only way to endure the taste of the forbidden fruit is to bite into it, to devour it, to consume it for as long as he’s able. He has spent so much of his life fighting, resisting, repenting—but maybe it’s time God asks for his forgiveness.
Your skin is smooth beneath his calloused palms. He slides them beneath your shirt, over your hips, up your torso. He pulls at the soft garment, and you lift your arms for him to make it easier as he pulls it off and discards it in the nearest pew.
And then his hands are on you again—this time tracing the edge of your jeans, pinky finger dipping slowly beneath the band around your waist, teasing. You’re panting now, chest rising and falling in quick succession. You say his name a little like a prayer and it brings a smile to his face. 
“Shh,” he says. “Patience is a virtue, little girl.” But he wants you, perhaps even more than you want to be touched, so his left hand finds the button of your jeans and undoes it. 
He moves slowly, and you stand completely still as Joel peels the too-tight jeans down your legs. You kick your boots off, and soon you’re standing in the middle of this crumbling church in nothing but a pair of baby pink panties and a white lace bralette, looking every bit the divine goddess he doesn’t deserve. 
When you turn to face him, there’s a playful glint in your eye. “Let me try it,” you say. “One question, though. Is it forgive me, father? Or is it forgive me, Daddy?”
Two things happen inside him at once. 
First, the crudeness of your words baffles him so completely that he laughs. Full-on laughs for the first time in twenty years. The vulgarity of it in a place of worship is somehow both amusing and horrifying. 
Second, all the blood in his head rushes south. Because the word daddy in your mouth is the most erotic thing he’s ever heard, the dirtiest thing he’s ever heard, and Joel knows right away that he will never have the strength to process why such a thing makes him so goddamn hard. Doesn’t even attempt it. 
He simply enjoys it instead. Allows it to drown him, consume him wholly. Accepts what is and what isn’t. Accepts that he is the most deplorable man that’s ever existed and it’s why he’ll never deserve you but it’s also why it’ll never matter. Because now…you belong to the most deplorable man. 
The devil and his pretty, perfect Judas.
And then you lower yourself to your knees in front of him and Joel struggles to keep his weary heart from bursting from his chest. 
His attempts at composure are blown to pieces when you press your hands together and look up at him through your lashes. With all humor bled from the moment, overtaken by a sudden hunger, you say, “Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” and something evil stirs inside him.
Something more than sinful. Something ungodly. Something blasphemous. 
That cross is draped beautifully between your breasts, cleavage elevated by the angle of your arms.
Joel reaches out with both hands and runs them through your hair affectionately. “You look so pretty on your knees,” he says. “You got somethin’ to confess?”
You nod and a smirk graces your face. “I’ve been having wicked thoughts,” you say, voice taking on an innocent and girlish tone. “And…I’ve been giving into temptation, Father.”
“S’that right?” Joel licks his lips. His cock throbs in his jeans, desperate for your touch in a way it’s never been before.
He watches, transfixed, as you take your bottom lip between your teeth, taking your hands from the position of prayer and instead running them up his strong thighs. You slide them beneath his flannel, soft hands cool against his heated skin. “I’ve been letting a man touch me.” You’re whispering, but he feels each syllable down to his bones. “An older man,” you continue, pulling at his belt. 
Joel finds you mesmerizing. Thinks you’ve ruined him. Completely, utterly decimated the man he used to be. “Touch you how?”
You don’t take your eyes off his as his belt clinks against the button of his jeans. “I’ve let him inside me, Father,” you say, pulling down his zipper at a torturous pace. “I’ve let him in my mouth, in my heart, in between my thighs.” 
He never thought it possible, but his need for you grows teeth, morphs into some vicious, ravenous thing. Joel brushes his fingers through your hair, pulling lightly at the roots. “And what do you think you should do as repentance, sweetheart?”
Joel’s reminded of a siren’s song when you answer, “I think I should show a little extra devotion. Don’t you?” You pull his cock from his jeans, and the simple touch of your hand has him nearly shaking in anticipation. You break character for only long enough to giggle softly, wipe the back of your hand over your glossy lips, and say, “My mouth is watering.”
He smooths your hair back away from your face, admiring the way you look on your knees for him, just as desperate as he is. “Go’head, baby,” he says.
You don’t waste any time. You’re slow in your pursuit; tongue tracing the vein on the underside of his cock. Savoring, worshiping, devoting yourself to him and him only. You swirl your tongue around the head, licking up drops of precum.
When you finally take him into your mouth, you don’t stop until you’ve swallowed him whole, choking on it, nose pressed to the tuft of hair below his navel. It’s the most glorious thing Joel’s ever seen in all his life. And then you moan, and he can feel the vibrations of it down to his toes. 
You pull your head back far enough, and your mouth leaves him completely, connected by nothing but strands of saliva. Your lips are already bruised and swollen, but they pull into the prettiest, proudest smile he’s ever seen, and Joel’s weak in the knees. 
“Filthy little girl,” he says affectionately, hands still running through the silky strands of your hair. “Y’like that? Hm? You like that mouth filled up, don’t you?”
“Mmhm.” There’s so much love, so much worship in your eyes that he feels his chest pull tight. You take his cock in your mouth again, tongue sliding along the underside of it, cheeks hollowed out to take him in deeper.
Joel feels your devotion with each soft lick, each swallow at the back of your throat, each ragged, choked breath. He knows he won’t last long. Your mouth is too hot, too wet, too sweet. And when you pick up the pace, bobbing your head, fingernails leaving indentations in the exposed skin of his thighs, pressure builds at the base of his spine like a fucking noose. “There you go,” he encourages. “Doin’ so fuckin’ good, baby. Shit —just like that.”
Your cheeks are flushed, and Joel’s once gentle hands pull tight in your hair, guiding your mouth down onto him. It only makes those delicious moans around his cock that much sweeter. Your thighs are clamped tightly together, and he barrels towards euphoria as he thinks about just how wet he knows you are, his dirty little girl.
“Fuck, baby—fuck. Hold on, hold on.” He pulls your head back, cock slick and glossy, covered in your spit. He’s going to finish just like this if he’s not careful. “Gonna be over too soon if you keep that up.”
“Please, Joel,” you say. “I want to taste it. It’s all I want. Let me make you feel good.”
Joel thinks Michaelangelo never would’ve sculpted David, had his existence overlapped with yours. Because in all the time of the universe, a sight has never lived as beautiful as the one of you begging on your knees before him.
What kind of man would he be if he refused? Joel wants to give you everything you could ever ask for. Wants to give you the world at whatever cost to his soul.
So, he doesn’t stop you when you wrap your bruised lips around his cock again. You feel like heaven, or as close to it as he’ll ever be allowed.
He comes at the back of your throat with a groan and trembling hands in your hair. Hands that are all too aware that they hold something holy, something divine. “ Goddamn —fuck. Mm, yeah. There you go, baby. There you go.”
His cock throbs in your mouth, and you don’t stop sucking until he’s completely spent. And when you do finally lean back and stick out your tongue, he’s nearly hard again at the obscene way his come drips down your lips, down your chin. 
Then you swallow, and Joel grins and rests his palm gently on your cheek. He uses the rough pad of his thumb to push the last few drops back into your mouth, and you suck it down greedily. “Gotta take it all, little girl. Make me proud, hm?”
And as soon as you’re satisfied, Joel’s pulling you back to your feet and pressing his mouth to yours in a ravenous kiss. He can taste remnants of himself on you, and it’s the most comforting sensation he’s ever experienced. It’s proof of your union, evidence of your devotion. A physical, tangible way to convince him he’s not alone in his sacrilege.
Joel lifts you off your feet, and your legs instinctively wrap around his waist. He carries you to the altar table, lays you down, and pushes your knees apart. Normally, he likes to take his time with you. Likes to savor the way you taste, the way you feel. But he’s so hungry for you and you only that he cannot— cannot wait another fucking second.
But then you say his name and his every intention freezes. “You don’t have to,” you say, and it confuses him. You attempt an explanation. “I don’t want you to feel like you always have to make me finish, too. I just…I didn’t do it expecting anything in return. I want you to know that.”
You sound so sincere, so… benevolent. A far cry from the bratty little girl he first met. He presses a kiss to your temple and says quietly, “I’d never let my little girl go without. Not the kinda man I am, baby.”
He might be too old to go rounds with you, but he knows how to make you feel good. He’s real good at it, in fact.
Joel leans over and presses a chaste kiss to your clit, right over your panties. He delights in the way it makes you shiver, but it’s nothing compared to the sounds you make when he pulls the fabric to the side and slides his tongue through your wet warmth. 
He presses your legs back, opens you further, and laps at your pussy like a man starved for you because he is. You taste like redemption, like home.
Your hands weave into his hair, tugging lightly, and Joel moans when you press his face against your pussy like he just can’t get close enough. He takes your clit in his mouth and sucks hard, tongue rolling over it softly. 
“Fuck, that feels so good, Joel— God —”
A groan escapes him, lips vibrating with the sound of it. His cock begins to harden again, hanging heavy between his legs. He’s insatiable for you; returned to the needy, desperate stage of his masculinity he once thought he’d grown out of.
Joel quickens the movement of his tongue and slips a finger inside of you. Your back arches off the altar table and your hips grind against his face, smearing your slick down his chin, over his lips.
He hooks his finger inside of you and strokes the spot that makes you writhe. You look so beautiful he thinks you must be some divine being. It’s the only thing that makes sense in his head. 
Your legs begin to tremble around his shoulders and that’s when he decides to pull away. Because he wants you to cum for him, wants to be the reason you shiver and shake—but he wants to feel it. 
In one smooth movement, he pulls you to the edge of the altar table and sinks his cock into you deep.
“Oh my God,” you whimper. “Fuck, fuck, Joel, I’m gonna—!”
“Wait,” he says, stilling the instinctual rocking of his hips. You’re so tight, so smooth and wet as your pussy flutters around his cock. He pushes into you to the hilt but doesn’t move, doesn’t give you the satisfaction. He moves his hands to your lower belly, applying just a little bit of pressure. He can feel himself inside you, can feel just how full of him you are. “Want you to cum with me, little girl,” he says. “Can you do that for me? Hm?”
Slowly, experimentally, he shifts his hips the smallest bit, thrusting into you and laughing maliciously at the way you squeeze your eyes shut and whine for more. “I can—can try,” you stammer. “But it feels so —”
“Shh, I know baby,” he says, thrusting into you again, a little harder this time. It feels euphoric, indulging himself in you in a place of worship. He can feel faith in the air like magic, faith in you, in himself, in the love you share.
He moves again, fucking you slow and deep. If it weren’t for the way you make him feel, he thinks he might last a little longer. But the taste of ambrosia lingers on his tongue and he can see the pulsing of your clit and feel the tension in your muscles created from holding yourself back from the edge of pleasure.
Pride swells in his chest. His perfect girl, doing everything he asks, doing anything to please him. It makes him feel holy, like maybe the only godly presence in the room is him.
This is what you’ve done to him. You’ve taken this shell of a man and turned him seraphic, turned him sacred through your worship. Emotion builds in his throat when he thinks of it, when he realizes just how lucky he is to exist in this same universe as you, in the same lifetime. 
He kisses you deep and fucks you even deeper.
“Joel,” you pant, fingernails digging into the side of the altar table. The aged satin cloth has been wrinkled beneath your weight, hanging slightly askew off the edge. “Please, please, I can’t—!”
Warmth pools low in his belly. You sound so pretty when you beg. He presses one hand harder against your abdomen and uses the other to circle your clit. He can feel his cock move beneath his palm with each thrust and the sensation is the filthiest thing he’s ever experienced.
The pressure builds and builds and builds, and then finally —
“Go ‘head, baby. Cum for me,” he says, thrusting a little faster, rhythm faltering as rapture fills him like sunlight. Your legs tremble around his hips and your moans echo in the church as you find faith, too.
“I love you,” you say, and it feels like redemption. Like the opening of heaven’s gates. 
Like forgiveness.
You come down slowly, and Joel’s completely spent with almost no energy left. Yet still he helps you dress, pulls your sweater back on, and buttons up those too-tight jeans.
You eat together, rationing what little food you have left to try and stretch these precious days out a little longer. You admit around a bite of hard bread that you’re exhausted from the day’s ride and he is, too. And so you work together to stack the pews in front of the church’s double doors, sealing yourself inside but more importantly keeping anything outside from getting in.
There’s a window at the back of the church in a room Joel knows was once used for confessional. He leaves it cracked just enough to hear the horses outside if a commotion is caused. And then he holds you in his arms and sleeps. 
It’s the best sleep Joel’s gotten in twenty-five years, the sound of your voice echoing even in his dreams. 
But halfway through the night, the sound of whinnying and rambunctious laughter can be heard, jarring you both awake. 
You’re out of his arms and at the back of the church before Joel’s finished blinking his eyes open. 
He stands to his feet, heart racing behind his ribcage. 
Men’s voices, but far away. Several of them. 
He watches you move quickly through the church to the window at the front, watches you carefully peak through the dirty glass pane. 
Joel saddles up behind you and has never been more thankful that you skipped the warmth of a fire. Because fifteen yards away, there’s a group of men passing through. Some on horses, others walking casually beside them. They’re not subtle about their presence. 
Maybe they don’t think anyone’s around. And on any normal day, they would be right. Except this day, Joel’s here. You’re here.
He picks up his rifle from the makeshift bed the two of you created hours ago. 
You don’t move. You stay focused, transfixed as if you’re trying to see the minute details of their faces from this far away. You wipe the glass with the ivory sleeve of your sweater and it comes away grimy, covered in dust.
Joel knows there’s something you’re not telling him. Can feel the tension, electric and tight in the air, skin crawling with it. Your eyes are narrowed, focused on the sound of rambunctious laughter coming from the small group of men. 
And then your spine straightens and all concern bleeds from your face, replaced in an instant with rage. Red, murderous rage. Joel thinks he’s only seen that sort of frenzy in his own reflection. Now it stares back at him, mirrored and bloodthirsty. “What is it?”
You don’t answer. The scrape of your knife against its sheath at your thigh strikes a terror in him he hasn’t felt in years. His stomach turns uncomfortably because Joel knows, he knows something isn’t right. Something is going to go wrong. He can feel it in his marrow. 
“Stop,” he says. “Talk to me.”
It’s like his words don’t even register. You say nothing as you pull at the pews stacked in front of the doors. They scrape noisily against the hardwood floor, and Joel tries to find something to stop you, to get through to you—but that knife is still clutched in your blanched fist and he knows in your rage you’ll swing at him all the same.
“There are eight of them and two of us,” he tries to reason. “We have no ammunition, no bullets, no arrows. We have to let them—”
“Go?” You turn your frenzied eyes on him. “What’s now eight used to be twenty,” you say. “I won’t let them get away this time.”
“Then we plan for it,” he says, holding out a hand and taking a tentative step toward you. It doesn’t matter to him what your reasoning may be. Joel knows that sort of wrath, knows he’ll never change your mind. And he knows following you down this path of slaughter is bound to bloody his hands further, to taint his soul this time beyond repair. 
But he made a promise to you. Nothing in this world will you ever face alone. 
The problem is that Joel knows neither of you will make it out alive. Not in this. You got lucky back in Casper, and he’s got the knowledge and experience with age to know you won’t get lucky twice.
He can’t let you do this. 
“They won’t get far, okay? Not in an area like this. We go home— tomorrow. We ride to Jackson and we’ll get there in a day if we don't stop. And then we’ll come back for them, alright? We’ll stock up and track them down. I swear to you—”
“You don’t know,” you say, voice shaking. “You don’t know what they did—!”
“So tell me. Tell me everything. Give me the knife.” He reaches for it slowly, carefully. You eye him like he might grow claws and an extra head if you look away for an instant.
You don’t trust him, Joel realizes. Not at this moment, not with this. “Joel,” you say in warning. “Don’t.”
He wonders what’s led you here. Wonders about who’s distrusting hands you once placed your justice in. 
The answer comes to him the moment the question crosses his mind. 
“I’m not like her,” he says. “Look at me, baby girl. Look at me .”
You do. And though that frenzied look lingers in your eyes, something in you softens and he’s grateful for it.
“I’m not Maria. You understand me? When I make you a promise, I mean it. I will kill them. All of them. But we have to be smart about this. We have to do it right. Yeah?” He reaches out again. “Give me the knife.”
You angle it higher, just out of his reach. For a second Joel thinks all progress has been lost because he moved too quickly, too carelessly. But then you say, “Swear it to me. Swear on her life that you won't make me let them go.”
On her life. 
Not her death, but her life. A promise of certainty. An unbreakable oath. Because if he fails, if he shatters this trust, Sarah’s life means nothing.
Joel’s lungs ache. Everything hurts and his skin feels like it’s on fire because no one has ever seen him like this. No one has known exactly what to say, exactly which bruises to press. 
He nods slowly. “Okay,” he relents. “I swear on her life that we will find them.”
Carefully, you hand him the blade, and as if giving it away had flipped a switch, you deflate.
Joel slides your knife into the side of his boot when you turn away from him and go back to the window. 
He stands beside you, a looming presence at your back. Even though he wants answers, he doesn’t want to pry them out of you. And your silence allows him the space for his mind to wander into unspeakable places. Joel has seen firsthand the depraved, vile things that mankind spirals into beneath the weight of survival. 
For a time, even he had sunk so incredibly low. 
And because he’s seen so much, his brain is filled with gut-wrenching images, theoretical scenes of torture, corruption, and perversion. Each one is more brutal than the last. And in them all, you’re the center of it. 
You watch the group of men through the window until the blue illumination of their flashlights disappears from view. And the moment they do, you’re slipping through the window in the back of the church. 
Joel follows you, a million questions on the tip of his tongue. But he stays silent and does nothing but help you gather debris fallen from the trees in the wooded area behind the church. 
Once, he picks up a curved stick, and as if you’d seen it from the back of your head, you say, “No. Not that one. If they’re too curved, the arrows won’t shoot straight.”
 The two of you gather timber for over an hour. And when his hands are just as full as yours, you return to the church. Joel returns your knife and you attempt to teach him how to shave the stick correctly and to whittle the point of it into a weapon. 
He’s not even half as fast as you are. For every arrow he creates, you produce three. It’s a slow, tedious process, but eventually, you begin to speak. 
“It happened on the last run I did for Maria,” you say, eyes focused on the knife and wood in your hands. “I fell asleep one night. It’d been days since I’d given myself a chance to rest and it had finally caught up to me. I’d barricaded myself in a house and might as well have been dead to the world. Two of them found me. Didn’t wake me, didn’t try to kill me or anything. They just took my bow and my pack. My pack that was mostly empty, had nothing in it but a twelve gauge with two bullets, some cans of food, water, and those stale fucking barbecue chips.”
You shake your head dismally. 
“Should’ve fuckin left it. But I…I was afraid. If I came back to Jackson without the one thing she asked for, what use was I? What kept me there?”
It pains him to hear you say it. He wants to tell you you’re wrong, that despite what Maria has made you believe, your worth is not tied to what you can do for her. But he doesn’t. Joel just lets you talk. 
“I tracked them to a warehouse a few miles outside of Boise. Watched them for a while, memorized all the entrances, the windows. Even memorized their faces. They had two people on watch in rotating shifts. I didn’t want to kill them, considering they didn’t try to kill me. But I wanted my pack, and so I waited until four of them were talking during a shift change and slipped inside through the back.”
Your eyes darken, and Joel fears what you may say next.
“Didn’t go as planned. One of them saw me. Outed me immediately, of course. And I thought they’d kill me. Shoot me or something. But that didn’t go as planned, either. The leader was called Gabriel.”
Your hands around the arrow still and your eyes grow misty. You’re reliving it, as clearly as if it were happening now.
“He, uhm…held me down. Suggested the rest of them take turns with me.” 
Joel feels something inside him shift. Feels a decision being made, feels murder begin to drip down his fingertips like water.
“They’d already had my shotgun and took the pistol I had tucked in the back of my jeans the second they ripped them off. I thought…I thought it was the end for me. Because even if I survived it, even if I made it through all twenty of them…I might as well have been dead anyway.”
He understands now, Joel realizes. Understands why you were so infuriated about a run for a pregnancy craving when the price was this. His mouth runs dry.
Your words echo in the dark church. “Had my knife tucked up the sleeve of my jacket, though.” A small smile graces your face as you turn the blade over in your fingers admiringly. “Was able to stop Gabriel before he got any further. They were…stupid. Arrogant. Came at me one by one because why would you need more than that to fight a little girl with nothing but a knife ?”
Now there are only eight of them. The main perpetrator perished, his blood stained so deeply into your jacket that when you’d returned to Jackson they’d had to burn it. No salvaging anything from your destruction. 
Nothing but this vengeance, this promise to yourself to right those who wronged you.  He forced you to break it for your own safety. And though a surge of regret and sorrow trickles into his psyche, he knows there’s still an unbroken vow remaining. 
The promise Joel made to you. 
“Some of them ran. I tried to track them but after a few days, I just…I needed sleep. I wanted to go home.” You go black to fletching your arrow, whittling the end into a sharp point. “I’ll find them one day. Then it’ll be me taking turns with them .”
You don’t say much else for the next two hours. And he doesn’t, either. He helps you sharpen the timber into arrows and when you yawn three times in less than five minutes, he gives you his flannel and lets you lay your head in his lap. 
Joel smooths the tangles in your hair as you sleep. And when you begin to softly snore, he carefully shifts your head onto your sleeping bag and tucks the strap of his rifle beneath your arm.
When he slips out of the window in the back of the church, he latches it shut.  He decides against taking a horse, worried it’d create too much commotion. 
But he does take your serrated sawback knife, telling himself it’s poetic justice. 
They’re only two miles away, stashed in a rundown grocery store that’s been picked over one too many times. Two men sit outside the door. Old habits die hard, Joel thinks. 
One has his head tilted back against the stone wall, sleeping with an ease he doesn’t deserve.
Joel takes out the other one first. And he does it quicker than he’d like. He creeps up behind him silently, wraps one hand around his throat, and uses the other to cover his mouth. The snap of his spine reverberates through Joel’s hands, tingling from his palms down to his elbows. 
The other wakes with the commotion but doesn’t even have the chance to scream before your knife is lodged in his neck so deep the sharp point sticks out of the other end. 
Inside, the other six all rest as well. Joel wonders how they can do so peacefully, knowing they’ve given an innocent little girl fuel for her nightmares. A girl who’s lost enough, who’s sacrificed enough, more than anyone should—only to lose a piece of herself at their greedy hands.
He makes quick work of them. Even delights in the way life leaves their eyes. One by one, Joel uses your knife to slit each and every one of their throats. 
By the time he’s finished, his hands are caked in blood, splatters staining the sleeves of his heavy, canvas coat, and all that’s left of the men who hurt you are eight corpses.
You’re still sleeping when he slips back through the window of the church. It’s a little ironic, he thinks, to return here to this holy place with an angel inside, all while covered in the stink of death.
Joel sits beside you, back pressed against a pew. His hands rest on his knees, blood still drying beneath his fingernails. He watches you sleep and thinks his damnation is worth it if this brings you a sense of safety. 
Though he tries not to, Joel thinks an awful lot about Sarah. Thinks about how he failed her, how just a little more brutality could have saved her.
He’s spent years regretting that night, regretting holding on to the shred of humanity he had left when he should have been holding onto her. He makes a promise not to repeat the same bad habits. Makes a promise he’ll never let his naive desire for respite get in the way of his need to protect you, to keep you safe. He’s breaking the habit, the same as he did with Ellie, because Joel doesn’t think he'll ever survive a loss of such magnitude again.
It doesn’t matter what he has to become to keep you safe. Doesn’t matter the cost to his soul.
Your face looks peaceful but your fists are coiled tight beneath your head. As if even in your sleep you’re fighting something, always on the defense. He wonders if it’s a trait you inherited before or after those men, before or after your sister's death, before or after the accusatory way the inhabitants of Jackson look at you.
Joel feels something heavy rise up in him. Something akin to sorrow or grief. This deep, pensive heartache because it’s just not fair. You’re so young, so innocent, dealing with the same demons he still fights and sometimes loses to at age fifty-two. 
He doesn’t want this for you. Doesn’t want you to become volatile, murderous, monstrous in the ways he has. Joel spent so much time pushing you away and he thinks maybe it’s because there’s so much of his anger mirrored in you. That staring it in the face felt too harrowing, too raw. 
The longer he thinks about it the more pieces slot together in his brain. Your cruel words hurled at anyone who sets you on edge. Your inability to follow any direction that isn’t forced. The self-isolation, the distrust in even those you love most. That animalistic fight in you, flight and freeze be damned. The need to protect others before yourself—Joel, Ellie, Miley, even Maria.
You don’t deserve to live like this. Don't deserve eternal damnation or to experience the wrath of God for the monstrous things you result to when you feel all else is lost. Violence is the only thing that has never turned its back on you.
Joel’s melancholy manifests, a single tear sliding down his cheek. You’re just a little girl and it's not fucking fair. 
He doesn’t want this for you. He wants you to live a full, happy, peaceful life. Not one spent out here chasing ghosts, trying to find your worth in providing for others. He wants you to be protected, to know you’re loved even when you lash out, wants you to know that he understands. Joel wants to be that for you. Wants to be the unwavering support you deserve, wants to be the thing that pulls you back from that ledge you’re dancing upon. Joel wants to be for you what he needed in the darkest part of his rage.
But to do that, you’re going to have to relinquish a little more of that control you hold so tightly.
When you wake, it’s gradual. You don’t startle or flinch at the blood on his hands. But your eyes linger there on the red stain for some time before you ask, “All of them?”
Joel nods once. “All of them.” 
And then you’re crawling into his lap, straddling him, pressing your mouth to his, thanking him in the only way you know how. Your tongue tastes like sleep and ambrosia and sunlight, but when Joel cradles your face in his hands he leaves blood in the wake of his fingertips. The bright red is a stark contrast against the smoothness of your skin, the violence an antithesis to your innocence.
He slides his bloody hands into your hair when your hips begin to move. His cock hardens quickly as his body catches up with your intent, always needy and eager, always just waiting to join you in more than just soul.
While he unbuttons his jeans and slides his zipper down to pull his erection out, your mouth never leaves his. Even when you shove those too-tight jeans down your thighs just enough to make room for him. When you lift up on your knees and sink down onto his cock in one familiarized movement he can feel the vibration of your moan against his tongue, can feel the breath of air from your gasp as he settles in deep.
The stretch is blissfully painful, stinging in all the right ways. You rock your hips slowly at first, adjusting to the sheer size of him, adjusting to his all-encompassing warmth. Your fingers dig into his thick shoulders, desperate to keep your balance.
And then you lift just enough to come slamming back down, the friction setting his skin ablaze. Again, again, again —it’s hurried and needy and depraved. Your hips move fervently over his, seeking out what you know only he can provide.
Your eyes are squeezed shut when you pull your sweet mouth away from his. Joel watches you lean back and place your hands on his thighs for support, back arching, and somehow he finds himself even deeper inside you. You’re moaning and his breath is coming fast and he thinks you look more than just angelic from this angle. He watches you ride his cock and wonders if you were fucking made to do this. 
Cheeks flushed, lips parted, his name on your lips. Is this what Eve saw in the waxy reflection of the forbidden fruit? Is this what she saw when she knowingly abandoned paradise? 
Joel thinks it can’t get much better than this. Thinks the only thing that’s ever come close is the feeling of blood on his hands in the name of those he loves, in the name of you.
He wraps his hand around your throat, staining you even further red, and says, “I’d do anything for you. Anything .” 
He thinks about the Ten Commandments, about how he can cross off every single one of them with just this act alone. 
You shall have no other Gods before me. 
No divine being has made him feel like this. No divinity has ever reached up through his ribs and squeezed a fist around his heart. Not like you have. 
You shall make no idols. 
He thinks about the way you look in his canvas coat. Joel has found his own form of peace through you, has found forgiveness beneath your tongue. 
You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain. 
Your pace quickens. The obscene, wet sounds coming from the place you’re joined echo in the walls of the church. “Oh my God, Joel, I’m—I’m close.”
He knows you are. Can feel it in the way your pussy squeezes him like a vise, in the way your rhythm becomes sloppy and desperate.
Keep the Sabbath day holy. 
Joel doesn’t know what day it is. But he knows he wishes he could stay here in this home you’ve made together within the bones of an old religion, wishes he could stay inside you. He doesn’t know if there’s anything more unholy than this insatiable desire.
Honor your father and mother.
He thinks about that day in the dining hall when embarrassment climbed Maria’s cheeks as you screamed in her face. Joel thinks she deserved it more than he realized that day. He thinks about the way you spoke to him in that watchtower, thinks about the way he’d had to drag you there by your hair, all while listening to every disrespectful thing that came out of your mouth and how a few short weeks later you got down on your knees and called him daddy. 
You shall not murder. 
He takes the hand wrapped around your throat and flattens it against your sternum. The blood is drying but still marks your skin in the shape of his fingerprints.
You shall not commit adultery.
Joel knows he’s supposed to be with a lovely, soft-spoken, age-appropriate woman but knows, too, that death would be kinder than the loss of you. 
You shall not steal. 
He was angry at first, about the strawberry scone. Mike’s wife is a kind woman who spends her time baking for the community. But Ellie likely never would’ve had the opportunity to try it had you not nicked the pastry. If it was always going to lead the two of you here, together, Joel would have stolen every last scone on God’s green earth. 
You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor. 
Lying seems a small price to pay for you, for your safety. He remembers telling Greg and Bonnie that you were running late the night you left him in the watchtower alone. He wanted to keep you safe then even without noticing that’s what he was doing. Safe from ridicule, from judgment. 
You shall not covet. 
He recalls seeing Abel’s hands on you, seeing his lips against your hair in a chaste kiss. Joel had wanted to kill him then, for touching what was his. He knows by taking you for his own, he’s taking you away from someone like Abel. Someone with a little more moral in their heart, a little less blood on their hands. But he doesn’t care because you’re his now and always. 
Joel lifts his hips in tandem with yours, meeting each stroke, thrusting his cock even deeper inside you. Your legs begin to shake around his and Joel thinks damnation isn’t so bad. “Anything,” he repeats. “Lie, cheat, steal.” His hand on your chest slides up again, wrapping tight around your throat. “I’d kill for you, little girl.”
Your pussy flutters around him and your spine bends in the most beautiful arch he’s ever seen. It solidifies his belief in one very important thing, the last nail in the coffin that cements the two of you together eternally.
This filthy, sinful devotion is cosmic. Celestial. Unearthly. So much more than a bible and cross. 
It’s worth it. It’s worth everything. 
“You like that? Hm?” Your rhythm falters but his remains steady. “Like that I’d spill blood for you, s’that it? That’s what got you all wet, sweetheart?” Your moans turn saccharine— sacrilegious. “Pretty pussy’s so fuckin’ tight, baby. Such a messy thing. I’d kill anyone for my little girl. Anyone .”
“Joel, I—!” 
He knows, he knows. Because he is, too. “Yeah, thaaaat’s it,” he says, drawing out each syllable. Your hands squeeze hard around his thighs and your muscles draw tight. “There you go, baby. Cum for me. That’s it. Sweet fuckin’ girl. Gonna fill you up. That what you want?”
You rasp out his name and the words yes, please, please, and it sounds like a fucking prayer. It’s a hypnotic litany. It makes him feel cherished, adored. And the sound of it spoken in worship in the house of God sends him over the edge. 
Even though your legs tremble around his, you ride his cock relentlessly. Joel’s vision goes white and his hand on your hip squeezes tight enough to bruise. You feel so good, so warm and wet. You lift your hips and slam them back down until the oversensitivity becomes more than he can bear. His hand abandons the home it’s made around your throat and finds the small of your back instead, stilling you completely.
You lean forward, collapsing with your hands pressed against his chest. Joel wraps his arms around your middle and cradles you in his lap, all too aware of the divinity he holds in his hands. He presses a kiss to your temple and listens to your heavy breaths.
Some time passes. He’s not sure how long the two of you sit there with Joel still wedged deep inside you, basking in the afterglow. The sun rises outside and the songbirds of the morning begin to sing. 
Eventually, you lift your head and whisper, “Thank you.”
“For what?” Joel doesn’t understand. He’s stolen something he was undeserving of, only to be loved back. If anyone should be thankful, it should be him. 
It feels like a punch to the gut when you say, “For seeing me.”
Because he now knows no one else ever has. No one has ever seen your defiance as anything but a nuisance, has never seen you as more than a troublemaker, as a bad omen.  
But Joel does see you. He sees right through all that savage fight to the little girl beneath, that soft, childish innocence you keep under heavy guard. He thinks he’s been able to see through it since the first moment he laid eyes on you.
It’s her he wants to protect.
Joel takes your chin in his hand and makes you a commandment of his own. “I will always see you.”
[part seven] [part nine]
taglist; @heartbrokenlilbitch-nef @elliesr1fle @pascaltesfaye
let me know if you want to be added! thank you to everyone for all the insane support on this <3
[masterist]
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edelfie · 5 months ago
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#𝓣𝗔𝗦𝗧𝗘! who’s that girl?
Y/N L/N is a nobody. well, maybe that’s a stretch, but it’s nothing compared to the other words the media uses to describe you. washed up, irrelevant, talentless—any cruel word or insult has or will be thrown your way. but 10 years in the game has forced you to grow thick skin, even if the supposed quality of your music doesn’t suit it. so why is it that today, of all the days, you awake to the worst news imaginable—worse than all the name-calling and jeers?
or, you open twitter. it doesn’t go well.
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BLIND ITEMS! —
## this millionaire’s daughter influencer is known for buying many of her followers across all platforms. however, brands and colleagues ignore it because of the fat check lining her pockets.
## this one-of-a-duo A-list model is having business disputes with his other half and sibling. apparently, he wants more creative control over their projects despite having been in the industry for less time. it’s so serious that legal litigation is in the works. [revealed: lev haiba, alisa haiba]
## the not-so-indie band’s newest album is rumored to be about a controversial figure in the industry. this figure has already produced an album about the lead singer years ago, however it failed to garner any publicity.
## off-the-charts wannabe pop star is postponing her next album because her team knows her career is over if she doesn’t chart well. after nearly a decade in the industry and without a single long-lasting, cultural hit, she’s better off waiting tables than writing music. [revealed: Y/N L/N]
gracetheestallion. the haiba twins fighting ?? i can’t believe, like actually
colormeshocked. if y/n doesn’t clutch up rq then i’m gonna be so sad for her — underdawg. honestly, it’s just not fair how she’s treated by the industry — garagoesgaga. it’s “unfair”? she literally only makes trash songs and hooks up with men in relationships, girl bye — underdawg. your misogyny is showing, ugly <3 — garagoesgaga. wowwwww insults, so mature. average iq of a y/n fan
read more…
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NOTES! —
Two posts in one day? It's more likely than you think! Anyways, today's fundraiser is for the family and sons of Reyna and Javier. Reyna and Javier lost their lives in a fatal crash, leaving their three sons without parents. Of their sons, one of them was dependent on their parents as he has been wheelchair bound all his life. In this brief period of time, he has lost both his parents and his primary caregivers. The entire family is feeling the financial strain of the sudden loss, so every help counts. Please consider donating here on GoFundMe or copy the link and share it online!
If you're new here, or even if you're not since I'm just starting to post again, I strive to bring attention to different fundraisers in all my posts. I primarily focus on sharing the stories of individuals in dire need, such as refugees in Gaza or those experiencing sudden homelessness, however there is no comparison between struggles, grief, and loss here! So I also take the time to share the stories of families such as Reyna and Javier's, and would deeply appreciate it if you could show them some much needed love as well.
I won't say too much, but as someone who has had the cards stacked against them (being a poc, nonbinary, queer, a religious minority, etc.) and has experienced my own share of loss, I can say that while the pain doesn't feel the same, the knife digs itself into you either way. My family was privileged enough to afford a funeral for my grandfather, who recently passed, but with many other family members getting older in age and being taken by the devil that is cancer, it does make me nervous as to how we will make it through. Regardless, I just hope that my plea and the stories I share will implore you to help others—not out of moral or societal obligation or to save face, but out of humanity and compassion <3
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SEVEN EVIL EXES + MASTERLIST + NEXT
© all rights reserved—edelfie (2024) // do not plagiarize, modify, copy, use, translate, or repost my work on other sites without permission
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nadas-dirthalen · 4 months ago
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I Saw Solas's Origin in an Achievement Icon and It Opened My Eyes on 15 Years of Lore
— PART FOUR: if you haven't read previous parts, do it now! —
[ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ] [ 5 ] [ 6 ] [ 7 ] [ 8 ] [ 9 ] [ 10 ]
Welcome, friends and travelers! I wanted to get some thoughts recorded before Veilguard's release so I could see if I am right about an absolute BOATLOAD of theories I have.
In short: I saw the achievement list when it was released. I have seen the backstory hints for Solas included in said list. AND MY MIND WAS BLOWN.
You have been warned: THIS COLLECTION OF THEORIES INCLUDES SPOILERS FOR EVERY DRAGON AGE GAME AND ALL PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL UP TO AND INCLUDING OCTOBER 18, 2024.
Come sit down with me. Make a nice cup of tea (and hide it from Solas). We've got a lot of unpacking to do.
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(this photo isn't the spoiler, I just like it.)
Today's Discussion: What the Chant of Light Confirms about Solas, Mythal, and the Evanuris at large.
Ohhhh boy. Here's where we're really getting into the, 'If you haven't read the previous parts, you NEED to go do that, otherwise what I'm about to say will make a lot less sense,' portion of this series. So seriously: the previous parts are linked above. Go look at those.
Caught up? Good.
Today, we're going to look at how closely the Chant of Light follows everything I just talked about with Titans, the Fade, spirits-as-thoughts, and Solas-as-lyrium-spirit. For this exercise, I'll mostly be drawing on material that I have access to (both volumes of World of Thedas, plus my knowledge from all three games) but supplementing with what the Dragon Age wiki has compiled, as well.
Rather than go through the Chant from beginning to end (as I simply lack the space here), I'm going to break it down into topics.
Our topics are as follows:
Who—and What—Is the Maker?
The Word "Forgotten" in the Chant
The Maker's First and Second Children
The Jealous First Children: Demons Seeking to Conquer the Earth
Archdemons and Titans
Yes, I Have to Talk About Shartan
Veilguard Predictions Based on the Chant of Light
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Who—and What—Is the Maker?
For anyone who hasn't gone through the whole thing and read every verse, let me begin by saying: the Chant of Light is a story writ by many hands over the history of Thedas. Some of it is (allegedly) written or recorded from Andraste herself, but many verses are taken from outside sources—even adapted from other cultures' legends.
But overall, it is a story that the Andrastian faith believes in: one with approved verses that the Chantries teach all their faithful. The Chantry has been a brutal organization throughout Thedas's history, but I still find value in using the Chant to piece together different takes on Thedas's ancient lore. Whether the events happened as described is up for debate, but they are historically significant, and I would argue that they contain kernels of truth no matter if one believes in the prophecies from Andraste or not.
To properly discuss whether the Chant follows my theories, we first have to ask ourselves: what does the Chant suggest that the Maker is? To do this, we have to look closely at its creation story, and from the eyes of the one who supposedly witnessed him: the Canticle of Threnodies, and the Canticle of Andraste.
Right in Threnodies 1, it says this:
(4) From the waters of the Fade you made the world. As the Fade had been fluid, so was the world fixed.
Immediately, we can see that lyrium plays a major role in the Chant's creation story. If that's true, then the possibility exists that the Chant aligns at all with any of my prior theories. If that is the case, then the Chant of Light might aid us in predicting what's to come in Veilguard—especially with characters like Solas, so intertwined with Titan lore and lyrium.
From here, I went looking for additional references to the Maker, namely in Andraste 1.
(8) Lo! My eyes open'd, shining before me Greater than mountains, towering mighty, Hand all outstretch'd, stars glist'ning as jewels From rings 'pon His fingers and crown 'pon His brow.
The Wellspring of All said, "None now remember. Long have they turned to idols and tales Away from My Light, in darkness unbroken The last of My children, shrouded in night."
"World-making Glory," I cried out in sorrow, "How shall your children apology make?
Of course, we cannot forget one of the Chant quotes that Inquisition made famous!
(11) Here lies the abyss, the well of all souls. From these emerald waters doth life begin anew. Come to me, child, and I shall embrace you. In my arms lies Eternity.
Through all of these examples (and more that I simply do not have time or space to cite, with Veilguard so close), I can tentatively conclude: the Chant of Light is likely hinting to us that the Maker is a Titan.
But to test this theory, I wanted to go one step further. I wanted to see if the Chant of Light would suggest that the Maker is one of the Forgotten Ones.
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The Word "Forgotten" in the Chant
To accomplish this next piece to the best degree possible, I actually moved the entire known Chant of Light into a google doc. Here's what I found when I looked for applicable mentions of forgot/forgotten.
(4) From the waters of the Fade you made the world. As the Fade had been fluid, so was the world fixed. (8) And so we burned. We raised nations, we waged wars, We dreamed up false gods, great demons Who could cross the Veil into the waking world, Turned our devotion upon them, and forgot you. —Threnodies 4.
We'll get to those "great demons" in a moment, but for now I want to draw attention to: "Turned our devotion upon them, and forgot you." That's one mention of the Maker being forgotten, in the first stanza we know from the Chant.
The Maker appears to Andraste (7) Eyes sorrow-blinded, in darkness unbroken There 'pon the mountain, a voice answered my call. "Heart that is broken, beats still unceasing, An ocean of sorrow does nobody drown. You have forgotten, spear-maid of Alamarr. Within My creation, none are alone." — Andraste 1
This comes from the first stanza of the Canticle of Andraste, and describes the first time the Maker appeared to her. She is describing what she is seeing: "There 'pon the mountain, a voice answered my call." She is evoking mountain imagery here, and even though she doesn't mention an abyss in this verse, it does come up elsewhere in the Chant (as we have seen).
That, and the Maker speaks to her: "You have forgotten, spear-maid of Alamarr. Within My creation, none are alone."
For one, we have a mention of forgotten, again. But perhaps even more crucially, we have this concept of "none are alone" within the Maker's creation. With everything I know now, I'm thinking of the concept of Isatunoll: the hive-mind feeling experienced by Dagna, Valta, and Harding.
(13) "World-making Glory," I cried out in sorrow, "How shall your children apology make? We have forgotten, in ignorance stumbling, Only a Light in this darken'd time breaks. Call to Your children, teach us Your greatness. What has been forgotten has not yet been lost." (14) Long was his silence, 'fore it was broken. "For you, song-weaver, once more I will try. To My children venture, carrying wisdom, If they but listen, I shall return." — Andraste 1
Another mention: Andraste addresses the Maker as "World-making Glory," which references the saying that Titans were the first Shapers of the world. Then, she says: "We have forgotten [...] Call to Your children [...] What has been forgotten has not yet been lost."
Again: references to the Maker as a being that was forgotten. Another reference to lyrium, in asking the Maker to call out to people. This reference is further enhanced with the Maker referring to Andraste as "song-weaver," suggesting that these songs are how she can speak to the Maker.
And to top it all off: "What has been forgotten has not yet been lost" is answered with, "If they but listen, I shall return."
Listen, for so long, made me think of commandments. Listening to the Maker's will. But now? Now I think we're supposed to think of listening to the Maker's song.
(3) I have heard the sound A song in the stillness, The echo of Your voice, Calling creation to wake from its slumber. (4) How can we know You? In the turning of the seasons, in life and death, In the empty space where our hearts Hunger for a forgotten face? — Trials 1
Just like Andraste has heard the song, the echo of the Maker's voice, calling creation to "wake from its slumber." It could not be more deliberate than that!
Another mention, also, of a "forgotten face."
To me, these mentions of forgotten affirm that the Maker is one of the Forgotten Ones, and is definitely a Titan. That tells me that, until I am proven otherwise, I can read the rest of the Chant of Light as though Maker-as-Titan is true, and can see what other developments stem from that initial truth.
Namely: What does the Chant say about spirits and people, in relation to the Titans?
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The Maker's First and Second Children
To understand the (possible) creation of the spirits and the elvhen, we are back to the Canticle of Threnodies, stanza 5. The first of the Chant's Canticles, it's an introduction not just to the text, but to the world of Thedas as understood by Andrastians.
Again: it may not be a precise literal description of events, but I maintain that if the Chant of Light truly didn't matter, BioWare wouldn't have made it that long, or paid as much attention to cadence/meter as they did.
The crux of the earlier portion of this Canticle is that the Maker produced two sets of children, and the first eventually grew envious of the second (more on that later). For now, let's examine what is said of the creation of the Maker's first children.
(1) There was no word For heaven or for earth, for sea or sky. All that existed was silence.
I am going to interpret this one very liberally. It is not said that there were no heaven, earth, sea, or sky—but that there was no word for those things. That, I interpret to mean that there was no distinction between heaven and earth. Remember that, throughout codices from ancient elvhenan, "sky" often refers to the Fade, and "earth" often refers to the Titans' domain, the Abyss, or the waking world.
Either way: there was no Veil, and so there was no distinction between the Titans' domain and the Fade.
Then the Voice of the Maker rang out, The first Word, And His Word became all that might be: Dream and idea, hope and fear, Endless possibilities. And from it made his firstborn.
There are two things worth noting here:
the "Voice of the Maker" is something I interpret to mean the song of lyrium: the song of the Titan that the Maker is.
"Dream and idea, hope and fear/Endless possibilities" sounds a lot to me like the Maker is creating his first children with thoughts. Thoughts conveyed through the song of lyrium, maybe?
Originally, these "first children" famously showed no sense of ambition. They were given the Fade, but did not do anything with it. They only reflected what already existed. (Though I do want to note that this city apparently had lyrium for cobblestones.)
He called forth A city with towers of gold, streets with music for cobblestones, And banners which flew without wind. [...] But their songs Were the songs of the cobblestones. They shone with the golden light Reflected from the Maker's throne.
The Maker apparently realizes his mistake: only giving the spirits the Fade.
The realm I have given you Is formless, ever-changing.
But the solution to that mistake?
So the Maker turned from his firstborn And took from the Fade A measure of its living flesh And placed it apart from the Spirits, and spoke to it, saying: Here, I decree Opposition in all things: For earth, sky For winter, summer For darkness, Light. By My Will alone is Balance sundered And the world given new life.
The Maker took living flesh from the Fade. That's not the thoughts existing in the Fade; that's the lyrium from the Fade. To that living, now sentient lyrium, the Maker spoke, and declared opposition in all things.
Now sky and earth are separate things. The Veil is not yet created (we'll get there), but we have this concept of two opposing schools of magic, like earthbending and airbending (to forever keep with the A:tLA examples through this series).
So far, this is lining up with my previous theories. But, what, exactly, are the Maker's second children made of?
(5) And no longer was it formless, ever-changing, But held fast, immutable, With Words for heaven and for earth, sea and sky. At last did the Maker From the living world Make men. Immutable, as the substance of the earth, With souls made of dream and idea, hope and fear, Endless possibilities.
Now, the waking world is immutable, and there is opposition in magic. And from that opposition, the people are created. Not humans, but people. Their bodies are "immutable, as the substance of the earth" (meaning lyrium, I believe), "with souls made of dream and idea, hope and fear/Endless possibilities."
The exact same phrase: the Maker's thoughts are the souls of his second children, just as they were the first children's entire being. This proves that the people of Thedas have spirits for souls, but also that all spirits come from the Maker's thoughts.
When I tell you I almost choked, realizing that.
But I still want to ask the Chant of Light: in all this story, where do we find the Evanuris?
And the Chant has answered in full.
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The Jealous First Children: Demons Seeking to Conquer the Earth
When I first read the Chant of Light, I had not pieced together that heaven and earth were synonymous with Fade and Abyss. Now that I have, I see the Evanuris plain as day in Threnodies 5.
(7) Now, with their Father's eye elsewhere, the firstborn At last created something new: Envy. They looked upon the living world and the favored Sons and daughters there, covetous of all they were. Within their hearts grew An intolerable hunger. Until, at last, some of the firstborn said: "Our Father has abandoned us for these lesser things. We have power over heaven. Let us rule over earth as well And become greater gods than our Father."
In the codices of the Trespasser DLC and the Temple of Mythal, there are constant references to the Evanuris wanting to tame or dominate the Titans, the "Void," or the "land." The ancient elves ask Elgar'nan to help them "tame the land." Mythal is praised for "striking down the pillars of the earth." The Evanuris, namely Mythal and Elgar'nan, carried on an endless war with the Forgotten Ones.
The Chant goes on.
(8) The demons appeared to the children of earth in dreams And named themselves gods, demanding fealty.
Remember part 2 of this series? Remember the Mythal lullaby from the Deep Roads portion of Trespasser? (I was lovingly informed about a small mistranslation, which I shall correct here.)
Ir sa tel'nal Mythal las ma theneras Ir san'a emma Him solas evanuris Da'durgen'lin Banal malas elgara Bellanaris, bellanaris. Isatunoll Mythal grants you dreams Lyrium within Becomes Solas evanuris Little stone boy Never granted (connection to many spirits) Forever, forever
Cole says, "He didn't want a body, but she asked him to come. He left a scar when he burned her off his face."
It sounds exactly like the Chant describes: Mythal feeding dreams to Solas, only to bring him into a body he did not want, and apply vallaslin (a geas?) that he did not ask for.
Therefore? The Evanuris are the Maker's first children, as far as the Chant of Light is concerned.
But I've still got questions. Namely: What came next?
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Archdemons and Titans
As for the Evanuris's eventual fate—being imprisoned at the same time as the Veil was created? They've employed interesting wording.
And a mighty voice cried out, Shaking the very foundations of heaven: "Ungrateful children! I gave you power To shape heaven itself, And you have made only poison. As you crave the earth, the earth shall be Your domain! Into the darkness I cast you! In tombs of immutable rock Shall you dwell for all time."
I question who this "mighty voice" belonged to. I do not believe Solas is the maker, but I do wonder: was Solas acting in conjunction with his Titan here? During the exact moment of the creation of the Veil, he still would have had access to his non-sundered Titan. Would he still have heard the song/call, and made the Veil at the Titan's behest?
Regardless: this piece of the Chant speaks about the imprisonment of the archdemons in the Abyss, the same domain as the Titans.
It goes on to specify what happened next:
(11) Those who had been cast down, The demons who would be gods, Began to whisper to men from their tombs within the earth. And the men of Tevinter heard and raised altars To the pretender-gods once more, And in return were given, in hushed whispers, The secrets of darkest magic.
This serves to confirm a theory that I'd held for a long time: that the Evanuris whispered to the priests of old Tevinter through their archdemons. Trapped in their fade-jail, they could not act themselves, but may have used their archdemons as puppets in order to convince the Magisters to come open the door to the Golden/Black City, that they might be released.
Overall? It sounds like the Chant of Light exactly confirms every one of my theories on the Titans, the Forgotten Ones, spirits-as-thoughts, the Evanuris, and the Archdemons. I may not have been able to examine the entire Chant here (can you imagine how long this post would be if I did?) but what I have presented so far exactly aligns with my theories from the last instalment.
Now, the question you're all here for...
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Yes, I Have to Talk About Shartan
I know, I know. Shartan is one of the most widely debated figures in the Chant. And I'm sorry to say, I'm no more sure than the rest of you.
But I've never quite believed that Solas himself is Shartan. He says he slept for millennia after the creation of the Veil, after all. But I cannot deny all that we know of Shartan: that he freed elven slaves, that he held fast in his convictions, and that he is rumoured to have been Andraste's lover.
It seems damning, doesn't it? Surely someone so invested in freedom must be Solas, especially an ancient elf who looks so much like Solas himself.
But what if Shartan wasn't one person?
(3) My Maker, know my heart: Take from me a life of sorrow. Lift me from a world of pain. Judge me worthy of Your endless pride. — Transfigurations 12
We can guess that the Maker is a Titan. We know Solas came from a Titan. We can guess that Solas was still able to hear his Titan when the Veil was created. We also know that there were many lyrium coffins in the Deep Roads during the Descent DLC. The Maker's first children whispered to many stone-spirits just like Solas.
We also know the Forgotten Ones are named by their qualities, just like spirits and demons.
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The Maker instructs Andraste to carry wisdom to the people, that he might return. Who is to say that the Maker is not the ultimate Wisdom/Pride aspect, and we just haven't seen it confirmed yet?
And if there are many wisdoms and prides that are tied to the Maker-Titan, then there is absolutely reason to believe that any of those lyrium-spirits-turned-corporeal elvhen could strongly resemble Solas not just in appearance, but in convictions.
Two elven translations point me to this conclusion, as well:
Ar-melana dirthavaren. Revas vir-anaris: this is Fen'Harel's secret password for the spirits in Trespasser. I believe it loosely translates to, "I now promise knowledge. Freedom for we-Anaris." • This translation GREATLY interests me, because Anaris is the name of one of the Forgotten Ones. "We-Anaris" implies that there are many elvhen that come from Anaris, and these specifically may be the slaves Solas was trying to free.
Shar•tan: I believe, as with all the Evanuris, this name is actually a title. While I could not guess the meaning of the word "Shar," I do know that the word "tan" means "three." • I wonder if Shartan, therefore, is a collection of three people, potentially all from the same Titan as Solas. Anaris, maybe?
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Veilguard Predictions Based on the Chant of Light
Whew! I have a lot of Veilguard predictions, but to keep this post from being tumblr-breakingly long, I'll keep this list to the ones that come strictly from the Chant of Light.
I believe we will find out more about the Chant of Light by not only being in Minrathous and knowing Neve, but by seeing the Chant's events referenced by the ancient elves and even in Solas's memories.
I believe we'll get, if not confirmation, at least a hint on whether Solas's Titan is the Maker.
I believe that, since Veilguard is all about prophecies coming true, that we will hear the "Voice of the Maker" ring out to us in Veilguard—likely through a Titan waking. • I'm going to bet that this is in or near Kal'Hirol, the thaig closest to Kirkwall, which is near where the red lyrium idol was found in DA2.
I believe we're going to find out more about the potential link between Andraste and Mythal (there are bajillions of theory posts out there about them; I didn't have time here!)
I believe we'll see an Archdemon's old prison and see how that (potentially) affected Titans and/or their hearts.
I believe we'll see someone who remembers being made out of lyrium—even if that someone is Solas.
---
As ever, if you got this far, thank you!! All your engagements on these continue to make my week.
Also: I am trying my hardest not to consume full-game-review spoilers! As these reviews go live tomorrow (10/28), you may see me not reading my notifications/replies, and appearing here only to continue posting my theories.
But if you feel like sticking around anyway, stay tuned for: The Evanuris Story So Far, As Best As I Can Guess It.
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befuddledcinnamonroll · 1 year ago
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Top 10 Things I Love About the QL Tumblr Community 2023
I'm loving everyone's end of year lists, and decided to make up one of my own.
I haven't been on Tumblr for very long and was originally just lurking. 2023 marks the year where I finally started posting, after I read a take that made me feel compelled to come to a fictional character's defense. (Saengtai, my poor little blorbo).
So in commemoration of my first proper year of active tumblring, I present what I love about this community (in no particular order).
(Side note - Technically I know this is still primarily a BL community, but I like to say QL because I am trying to manifest more lesbians for us.)
1) The Gifmakers
Y'all are a good 70% of the reason I joined Tumblr in the first place. There are so many show moments that I want to relive, but without having to search through videos. Sometimes I want to appreciate the aesthetics. Sometimes I want to remember adorable or goofy moments. Sometimes I just want to see cute boys eating each other's faces. Our gifmakers give all of that to us, with the addition of so much creativity and style.
There's too many amazing ones to mention everyone, but I have to shout out @sparklyeyedhimbo, because the way your brain works makes me so happy.
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2) The expertise
The other part of why I joined Tumblr was to learn more about what BLs were out there and what I might be missing. And holy hell. Y'all are putting in the work. Not only lists and resources for finding all kinds of QLs, like these fabulous monthly breakdowns by @gunsatthaphan, but also amazing posts that add additional context, like @absolutebl's incredibly helpful breakdown of Asian honorifics. There is so much research people do, for fun! And then they share it!
3) The meta analysis
I frickin love reading people's takes and analyses on series. I love learning, I love seeing perspectives from people with different cultural backgrounds to my own, it's all so fascinating! There's so much context we can miss due to our own privileges, or lack of knowing about various cultures, or due to whatever bubbles we've been living in. People here are just so smart, and nuanced, and willing to reflect and think about things, and also push back at each other, but generally with respect (except when you call out the dumb shit you see, usually on Twitter or TikTok, where people are being reductive and dumb about gender and sexuality).
And I've seen a few takes where people complain about analyses, and say that the director/production doesn't do everything deliberately, and we're all reading too much into it. To which I say, eh, lighten up. How people connect to and relate to media has relevance beyond what was intended. The point is we get to think and discuss and learn and grow. That doesn't happen if we don't analyze.
Special shout out here to @respectthepetty because colors mean things!
4) The wild theories
The other side of the analysis coin, the clown cars y'all drive around in with the wildest of theories. I have happily climbed into an occasional clown car, and usually I am utterly wrong (*cough* Saifah *cough*). But it's a super fun ride. I love seeing how people's brains work. I love it when y'all are wrong. I love it when y'all are right. It's beautiful.
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5) Immediate acceptance
I am one of those people who knows that I have a lot of good qualities, and also, always kind of expect rejection. Blame the childhood bullies, I guess. Anyway, whenever I delve into a new space, I still feel like a total dork that no one will want to talk to. It's kind of a fraught way to move through the world, but I manage.
Anyway, I started posting my thoughts as they came up, and people are just totally cool with it. People even follow me sometimes. Even my silliest thoughts and dumbest jokes get at least a couple likes. It's so validating.
And my very silly joke about gay mafia in Kiseki has over 800 likes. I feel very seen.
6) Mutuals
I still kind of can't believe I have any. This ties in to the dork feeling above, but seriously - they are soooo cooooool. They're smart and awesome and funny, and they somehow find me worth following back, which is baffling yet wonderful. I want to squish their faces and give them many kisses (if they're into that kind of thing).
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7) The self-exploration
I really appreciate how it's become more talked about how a lot of people are discovering queerness through BL, because that is so the case for me. I think it's both that I was in a bit of a hetero bubble before, and also that I'm evolving a bit as I age. I had figured out I was demi, and maybe a little bit gay, before getting in to BL, but being in this community, and seeing so many of you share so openly and freely, has made me realize it might be more than a little bit.
Either it was a new realization, or being around y'all has made me more gay. Win win, either way.
8) The weirdness
I'm weird. Y'all are weird. I love it.
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9) The thirst
So many in this community are thirsty as fuck, and as someone who is in that same condition, I love that it's not just me. There are not many places where I can freely admit how horny I am as a part of my general existence.
Here? I could post about wanting to lick some random BL actor's face, and it would get a bunch of likes and some tags like #lickable, and it's just not remotely a big deal.
Also the gifmakers understand this, and give us beautiful cuts of our spicy scenes. They are genuinely too good for us.
10) The communal watching experience
There is absolutely nothing like watching along with people in the community. It is so worth the torture of having to wait week to week for new episodes. Seeing the show trend, watching the theories fly fast and furious, or the way everyone collectively loses their minds over particular moments. In a world that can feel very isolating, it's a very warm experience.
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So there you go. Thank you all for being you. Here's to another year of QL shenanigans and losing our collective minds!
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blueishspace · 3 months ago
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Hero, Villain, God 3
(Prev) (Next) (First)
*Grian's pov*
Being Poultryman was more fun then you thought it would be and that's saying a lot considering you already had high expectations. These last few days have been the most fun you have had in the last 10 billion years! It's just so different to actually be involved directly... People actually thank you for trowing eggs at other people.
And now you went one step further then just trowing eggs at criminala, you managed to fill mayor Ren's house with chickens! Every single room is filled witch chickens. Bathroom? Chickens. Kitchen? Chickens. Weird suspicious basement permeated with metallic scent? You better believe it, that's filled with chickens too.
You honestly can't wait for his reaction...
Thinking about it, it's weird how little surveilance the mayor has in his house... you got in without having to use any divine ability except for those that make up Poultryman's powers. And you would have gotten away with it too if it hadn't been for him.
"Stop righg there, scoundrel!" It's Hotguy to interrupt if it wasn't clear, you don't see why the hero association would send the number one hero after you but this is going to be fun. Any other god would have just smited him for interrupting but that would just be...so boooring. No, you are going to punish him in a much more... subtle way... ...Mentally.
"Hello there, Averageguy" You can see him process what you said in real time.
"It's Hotguy! Not ...that!"
"So narcisistic, no no no, you really need to chill down or I'll have to demote you to Mediocreguy"
"MEDIOCRE!? You can't just demote me!" Oh, he is fun, he's so sensitive to mockery.
"Too bad, you are Mediocreguy now, told you that you needed to chill down and you didn't listen".
At that he starts chasing you, took him long enough to remember his job is to catch you, of course you aren't going to be catched that easily. You are stil agod after all.
"I'll have you know I'm very chill you pesky bird!" Pesky bird? That's a new one.
"You are neither chill nor hot" You jump in the air and land behind him. "More of Lukewarmguy really".
Well, you could just lose him now but you wanna have a bit more fun before you leave.
"Come back here! You oversized chicken!"
Well now he's going to get egged, he brought it upon himself really- oh? One moment... You perceive a woman reporting for live television nearby... You suddenly have a devious idea and ou lunge towards her general direction.
*The following Clip was taken from Hermitopia Daily*
"-Shareholders predict that the new policy will be a strong step foward towards-"
*Suddenly a chicken themed man jumps in in the middle of the live recording*
"Hello there spectators! Sorry to interrupt!"
"P-poultry man!?"
*The man in the chicken costume turns towards the camera and takes out like ten 100 dollar bills*
"Hey mate, I'll give you these if you let me borrow that camera for a few seconds"
*The camera men speaks in the background*
"Huh...just don't break it? Please?"
"Thanks!"
*There is some shaking as Poultryman takes the camera and points it towards a very angry and tired looking Hotguy.*
"And there folks at home we have Loserguy."
"LOSERGUY!?"
"I know, before meeting you I thought you were cool too! Never meet your heroes they say, that's because they are very underwhelming."
*Hotguy jumps towards the camera, there's some more shaking and then the camera is pointing towards an Hotguy whose face is faceplanted onto the ground and who is groaning onto the floor*
"Well ... first of all, attacking me? That was rude. Second of all, if you are going to jump someone at least don't fall, It's just embarassing."
*Hotguy gets up with another frustrated groan and takes out his bow and arrow*
...
"Well, time to give back the camera to it's owner! Wouldn't want an arrow to break it after all!"
"You! Come back here!"
"Toodles Cringeguy!"
*The feed cuts for a few seconds, once everything is back online Hotguy is looking around like he's searching for something and Poultryman is gone... The reporter seems to snap out of her shock, the clip ends*
*Scar's pov*
You feel like a misbehaving child waiting for punishment, you are sitting in Cub's lab and he's frantically walking back and forth.
"It ... It wasn't that bad?" You don't know why you try to argue, you regret it immediately.
"Not that bad?! Scar- *sigh*"
Ok so maybe it was, but you can't stand the idea of Cub being mad at you... Or even worse: disappointed in you.
"I'll just...catch him next time! Yeah!"
"Not only did you fail you task, not only did you push yourself way too much AGAIN but you made a fool out of yourself on LIVE TELEVISION Scar. Do you even know how much respectability you lost because of this?"
Ok... Maybe It's better if you just don't speak...
"The screenshot of you laying on the ground is now a meme template! I don't even know how that has already happened since It's been two hours at most."
Still, you will catch that Pesky bird, no one calls you Cringeguy.
*Grian's pov*
...
You're the one that started the Hotguy template, you don't regret it one bit.
...
The internet is having a field day with it, Hotguy's pr team is definitely not.
...
This is so much fun already.
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