#those hit me hard bc it really feels like. i did that. i don't have to imagine. i've been gone and i'm back and i am. never taking this

[sp3akfromtheart]

warning: opinions on 13th doctor era

[unacknowledgeable]

Continued: Serial killer reader x yan!batfam

.........Ooooookay, I guess yall really liked my serial killer!reader? I guess I'm honor bound to continue??? Oh noooo, the horrorrrr. But seriously, I'm glad! Because it only gets worse from here! >:}

Anyway, this was really difficult to write because I literally could not find good starting and stopping points, I tried to make my thoughts flow into each other as seamlessly as possible but there's SO MUCH I wanna write for this, it’s eating me alive, (also like, feel free to send asks bc I get sidetracked a lot in my writing and looove just answering questions as jumping off points, so please gimme gimme)

That being said, enjoy!

WARNING for disturbing imagery, untreated mental illness and trauma, blood, and depictions of murder (seriously)

So obviously, this M/c is a serial killer, so how do they go about keeping this hidden while simultaneously living with the world's greatest detectives?

Simple, ya don't.

Okay so that's not completely true. Compared to the average criminal, you put in a lot of effort to not get caught, but the average criminal doesn’t live with THE Batman either

Compared to the rest of your family though? You basically put in the bare minimum required to hide your… unsavory activities

Of course, you'll wash your blood soaked clothes yourself, in the lesser used washrooms of the manor, but once in a blue moon, when you’re too tired to care or your catch of the night put up a greater fight then anticipated, you'll throw your tainted clothes in with the rest of the families

And they just… don't fucking notice.

Or when they do, they just assume that one of the others had an unfortunate run in with some criminal while in civvies 

You've overheard many admonishments from Dick or Alfred over the years, telling Tim or Jason to “Please stop putting bloody clothes in with the whites, there's a basket for them two feet away!”

It was always pretty hard trying to keep a straight face when hearing those scoldings, but you always did, you didn't want Damian demanding to know what was so funny and dampening your mood

Or Cass giving you one of her calculated looks and suddenly getting nosy, that would make losing your clothes to Tim’s closet a lot less worth the laugh.

It’s just that, this assumption is waaaaay more plausible then say, the serial killer they've been tracking relentlessly for literal years, is just…tossing their VERY incriminating evidence in with the family's laundry, then passing out on some couch in one of the many sitting rooms of the manor, while the family goes out and discovers their latest victim

It's just easier to assume it was one of the others, Dick would never connect you, of all people, to the gore tossed haphazardly in the hamper, it's way more likely to be one of the many crime fighters of the family, not the soft spoken hermit of the manor, and even if that was a possibility in his mind, you don't even have a scratch on you

Not that he’s ever bothered to check you for injuries before, like he does almost religiously for the others

And Alfred? Well he's of the belief you'd grown out of your… tendencies, that it was a one time thing. Despite his reputation as an omnipotent presence in the manor, he never did realize just how deep your mental issues ran. Not until it was far too late.

You don't even have a specific weapon either, half of the time you'll just take one of Alfred's steak knives and hit the lower levels of Gotham, wandering around the decrepit streets till you found someone suitable 

Other times, when you’re in an exceptionally bad mood, be it because Damian said something particularly venomous or Alfred missing an important event for you because something came up with one of your siblings, or even when your classmates decided it would be funny to key your car-

Or it's just one of those days

Those days when the abstract voices simmer louder in the back of your mind, pushing and nagging. Images that you desperately want to forget but can't help the need to recreate. All threatening to boil over until you either crumble into a sobbing heep on the floor or go out and do the one thing that has always been able to shut. them. up.

Those days you’re… forgetful

On those days, you forget to grab one of Alfred’s pristine knives, but that's fine, Gothams streets are littered with dangerous items, so there's no shortage of tools at your disposal. You're creative, resourceful, you can use whatever's on hand at the time, whatever's in reach.

But if there's nothing? No sharp objects, no discarded bricks or loose pipes or even a half empty beer bottle, well… you're no stranger getting your hands dirty

Those times however, are pretty hazy in the aftermath.

You’ll forget certain details, like how they gripped your arms in a vain attempt to draw your own blood as you drew theirs, in the event that if they dont get away, at least you'd be caught, (all it leaves are dark, tender bruises along your arms, that you'll spend weeks poking and prodding at, in the hopes of reliving that moment)

Or how they'd flail their legs, inches from the ground, trying to kick your legs out from beneath you (it was kinda cute, how much shorter they were then you, how little their attempts to free themselves did when it mattered the most)

Even their last, warbling pleas for mercy were lost to you. You know they said something, could vaguely recall that they spoke, too absorbed in watching their bloody lips turn blue as the oxygen in their body slowly ran out (No no please please…My girls are waiting)

No, no you don't remember much but what you do remember, what you always, always remember, are the eyes 

You remember the tears, the fear, the acceptance, the rage, the refusal, the disbelief, the confusion, the indignation, and most of all the recognition. 

Whether it be them recognizing just who you are or realizing that this is who will end their life, you don't know, you’ve never bothered to ask. 

You prefer to think it’s the latter, it's hard to explain, but it makes you feel so so important

When it’s over, and the adrenaline in your veins soften, your breathing calmer, the blood rushing through your ears no longer so deafening, and you can feel the pleasing ache in your limbs, you sit, and asses the damage, as you always do

You always make sure to grab their wallet, take out the ID and memorize it, before gingerly putting it back, and finally walking away, head clear and numb in the cold Gotham air

There's no real reason why, its mostly force of habit at this point, it started with your very first kill, you don't feel like breaking the little ritual now, or anytime soon

It just feels wrong, to take a life and not even know whose life it is...was.

Later, long past any reasonable hour, you lay in bed, fresh out of the shower and thumbing the bruises, listening to the voices over the family's communicators (you stole one of Dicks, he has a nasty habit of leaving them around the manor) as they patrol the Gotham streets for crime and mayhem

You honestly can't help the small smile that graces your face, falling into sleep, as you hear the quiet, defeated sigh over the highly protected com link, “B, I've found another one, it's…it’s pretty rough tonight”

The pause is long before a small, gruff, “I have your location, ETA in 10 minutes”

You slept pretty good that night

Damn, sometimes the shit I come up with scares even me, again, feel free to send asks (shh I'm not begging), the brain worms are always hungry and I have sooooo many thoughts about this thing. lol 

Hope you enjoyed!

[crimeronan]

shoutout to this post i made almost three years ago. i wish i could go back in time and tell my slightly-younger self what a Time we were about to have. scrolling through the early days of my autoimmune tag is wild because past me is oversharing about my diagnoses and the fact that i might be dying and the fact that i keep finding eulogies instead of support groups when i look for community online, but i am...... not sick yet.

like. i definitely Think i'm sick, at the time. i am definitely tired and fevered and feel like shit, i'm using organ transplant reject drugs and having biopsies done and doctor's faces keep going gray when they see my skin and pharmacists keep giving me Terrible Pitying Looks when i fill my new scripts,

but i am not sick yet.

we have not yet explored the true event horizon of what it means to be sick. i am sick like most chronically fatigued spoonies online but.... i am going to learn a Lot more about how sick a body can really get.

anyway. i wish i could tell my slightly-younger self that we're about to lose the Entirety of our mid-twenties to illness. and we'll come out the other side blinking and confused and stumbling like a newborn lamb, feeling like we just went through a dark subway tunnel that folded us from one shore to the other, there's a void in the middle that's only accessible through the posts somebody made for all those years. someone made those posts with our hands. we sure don't remember them, though!

we won't feel any different than we did at 24 not just because we were inside for years due to a pandemic, but also because our brain was shutting down. we'll also feel like an entirely separate person from the 24-year-old self who didn't know yet what being sick was.

wish i could tell my slightly-younger self that now, as of writing this, when we're nearly 28, we'll be on the highest possible therapeutic dose of hydroxychloroquine, and that as long as we escape any rare medical complications from that, we'll be taking it for the rest of our life. wish i could tell them we're about to sacrifice three full years for the chance to live a whole, self-actualized life at the other end of hell.

wish i could tell her things are going to get way way way worse and then they're going to get a lot better. knocking on wood about it of course because there's always the chance of climate catastrophe or natural disasters or new illnesses or other calamities interfering with life plans. but if i don't jinx myself, i could tell her we've got the rest of 28 and 29 and then our 30s and 40s and beyond to be awake and happy and alive. we are still Young. losing a handful of years and having strange new lines around our eyes doesn't change that.

dunno what else to say here. i found this post a few weeks back in the "related posts" suggestions when looking at my own blog and it made me laugh aloud bc i was like. oh honey. ohhh honey. you don't even Know yet. you are going to be so different in three years and you're also going to be exactly the same.

i guess the conclusion here is that i can't tell my three-years-ago self what's coming but i can tell the chronically ill ppl following me: please for the love of GOD pursue diagnosis and treatment for your weird physical bullshit. sorry i know it sucks and hurts and is bad i know. doctors and the healthcare system are a nightmare to navigate, especially now w/ the medical sector collapsing in the wake of post-COVID problems, but you never know when your baseline of "i feel sick" is going to deteriorate Beyond Reckoning.

be kind to your future self. be kind to your past self. i don't want anybody else to learn what this kind of sickness feels like if they can avoid it.

anyone else ever have that chronic illness feel of like. yes i know people can get sick at any time and there are plenty of diseases you’re more likely to get if you’re UNDER 40 and many many many of the people in my social circle have chronic illnesses while being around my age but also. bro i am 24 come on

[pinkaditty]

HI i love your works sm ,,, and i really love the way you write it just brings out soemtnhign in me ,,, but hear me out on leo kurosagi angst where leo keeps insulting pc and pc just took it well until he said something sensitive (maybe sth ab the way she eats? or sth abt her face etc etc) and hurt pc's feelings and he didnt feel bad when pc cried , but when he saw pc going over to sho and sho giving him dirty looks he feels remorseful but he didnt want his pride to crack so he blamed pc , and then when pc started avouding him he started mocking her but in the inside it hurt him and his pride slightly , afterwards he found out he actually has genuine feelings for pc but denies it , until he found out pc is now his bff's gf WOW i NEED him humbled 🤗🤗🤗

Pavlov's Ghoul (Leo Kurosagi x Reader x Sho Haizono; Tokyo Debunker)

hey anon this existing is UR FAULT. (ilysm ty 4 the idea) and i hope u don't mind that I added my own little twist 2 it... hehe! even if u didn't expect me 2 write anything u can't drop a fresh, juicy steak of an idea like this and expect me not 2 salivate and tear it 2 shreds via writing it out.

OMG also TYYYYYYY IM SOSO GLAD U LIKE MY WRITING YIPPEE!!!!!!!!! i hope this is up 2 ur standards anon

a/n: why does this exist? blame anon and my inner need 4 a bitchy boy 2 be humbled amen! also i feel like i've completed my tokyo debunker rite of passage... ive finally written leo angst... nirvana at last.

summary: leo gets fuckin pavloved LMAO! considered calling this "ecstasy" or something bc of the pill line but ohh my god "pavlov's ghoul" hit too hard i fear.

cw: this isn't dark imo but be warned as this is just a little bit crazy, the most insane kind of yearning ive ever written maybe. implied sexual encounters, multiple sexual innuendos, and some odd behavior. MINORS DNI AS PER USUALLLLLL!

Looking for Part 2? Click here!

Sho's kind, reasonably so. Leo knows this. Sho also has an infinite store of deeply repressed anger. Leo also knows this. It's the reason he's in Vagastrom, after all. A deep, roiling anger that seems to eat at him if he doesn't have an appropriate outlet to balance his mood. That's why he's such a good cook, why he's so good at fighting, why he's got an excellent sense of balance and rides his bike smoother than anyone else he knew. He's using these things as outlets for his anger. It's not Leo's fault that the occasional outing to trick and deceive another sexually repressed rich old man for money is something else Sho seems to derive stress relief from. And it's not Leo's fault that Sho continues to stick around with him after those jobs are done. It's never been a problem for either of them, as far as he can tell. At least, there were no problems until Little Miss Inspector showed up.

Suddenly, Sho didn't want to lie anymore. Suddenly, Sho wanted to go as far as to address you with the proper honorifics, ask for your help with setting up his food truck, and even generally spend time with you outside of that. And for what? Some trembling, scared, pathetic girl that knew nothing of the world of anomalies prior to her curse? Some girl doomed to "die" in less than one year, no less? He couldn't understand the kindness Sho showed you. It made no sense, nor any difference. You'd be dead soon, so what did it matter?

It's got to the point where he's begun to randomly put you down with petty insults and biting remarks. They usually consist of things like "Oh my god, even preschoolers know Anomalous Biological Basics! Come on Inspector, is your head screwed on right? Not even the Captain is this stupid." or "You remember your ability is useless when we need it, right? You'd be nothing more than a burden on missions if you can't even control this power. " or even "God, you're such a basic loser. Can't you find something else to do with your free time instead hang around Sho like a lovesick puppy? You're starting to look like that dog that's always around Kagami." and worse insults. He gets the occasional sidelong disapproving glance from Alan or even a slight furrowed brow from Sho, but it didn't matter to Leo. So long as he could slowly plant seeds of doubt in his fellow ghouls and put you down to satisfy his ego, even an odd look was negligible.

He couldn't even stand looking at you. The uniform they'd chosen for you was awful, didn't even highlight your curves. He hated the way you styled your hair, and always thought he could totally do it better. The way you seemed so relaxed around other ghouls pissed him off, why couldn't he be good company? He found you repulsive, unable to resist glaring at you from the corner of his eye whenever he could. He had to get rid of you somehow. He would never admit to feeling threatened by you; instead choosing to focus all that energy into believing you were simply throwing a wrench into his plans to live an easy, get-away-with-anything university life.

It's all come to a head today. Leo thinks he's had enough of seeing you at the food truck after hours, chatting it up with Sho. It's like he can't even catch this guy alone anymore. Before he knows it, he's made a beeline for the truck. His brand new shoes scuff on the brick path in his rush, and eventually begin to stain green on the grass, his brisk stride tearing through the verdant lawn. He tries not to let his anger show on his face, but it's evident in his posture and pace. He forcefully sidles himself into the conversation, leaning on the service counter next to you, not even waiting for you to finish speaking before he pipes up. "Wow, here again, huh? And here I thought a basic bitch like you would know her place! That mouth of yours must be good for something if he keeps a chatterbox like you around."

The chill settles into the air almost immediately despite his candid tone and relaxed, smug smile. He's so focused on your reaction that he hardly notices the look Sho gives him, twisted with displeasure and confusion. He watches as you visibly falter, your lopsided smile fading into a barely-there frown. He stares, unrepentant, laughing internally. This was the reaction he wanted.

He turns towards Sho and raises an eyebrow at his look. "What? She can take it." Sho's expression visibly wavers, and Leo fully expects him to back down, as he usually does. But instead, Sho turns to you and his face grows pale. Leo rolls his eyes, assuming Sho is totally overreacting, and turns to you. He stiffens at your visible tears. Okay, totally not what he expected, but come on. This was the insult that made you cry?

Leo notices Sho is at your side in record speed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, and gently drawing your hunched form away, giving Leo a harsh look. Leo simply scoffs. As far as he was concerned, your reaction was pathetic. It wasn't going to stop him from having any fun.

This. Under no circumstances should this hurt. At all.

Leo had noticed you'd been avoiding him. You would slink away if he so much as entered the same room as you. You wouldn't look him in the eyes if he approached, keeping your expression impassive. Sometimes you'd just outright ignore him. It was beginning to become a bit of a nuisance. He couldn't properly mock you if you weren't there to witness it happening, or didn't give him the reaction he wanted. It was odd. When he faced these feelings head-on, it almost felt like he wanted your attention somehow, even if he didn't quite want it to feel like that. A nagging feeling told him that maybe he went too far with his latest insult. He didn't want to admit that, but something told him he did. It was in the way both you and Sho acted around him.

Sho was missing a lot of Leo's calls lately, sometimes not even bothering to call back. Leo partially understood, what with the food truck business booming and all, but he didn't appreciate being made to wait for his own best friend who's usually at his beck and call. Not to mention the flat, terse responses he would get from Sho more often than not nowadays. Leo knew Sho was miffed with him from last week's incident, but as far as Leo was concerned, things still ended in his favor. He hadn't seen you around Sho much anymore, which means he could go back to how things were. No more pesky little honor student to reign upon his days any longer! Sure, there was the biting underlying feeling that maybe he'd screwed things up, but one ride on the back of Sho's motorcycle, going wherever Leo wanted as per usual, and he was living the dream again. No way everything would change over a silly, insignificant insult.

For a short while, he begins to get bolder, openly mocking you when he does come across you. His originally surface-level remarks become rather personal, even using your eventual death as a way to tease you. From "You know, I'm surprised you haven't done anything to change up that unflattering look, considering you're dying soon. Ever considered dressing up a little? You might get some attention before you die." to "Hey, Little Miss Inspector! With the number of men you talk to around campus, I'm surprised nobody's written you off as a whore yet!", and worse, of course. He continues to get no such reaction out of you, and it frustrates him to no end. Why couldn't you just frown? Shrink away? Or even retort something just as scathing back to him? Your lack of entertainment towards his endless ridicule reduced his motivation, and slowly, it ended up dying off. Soon, he left you alone altogether, not talking to you unless necessary, mimicking your actions. In a way, some part of him hopes maybe this will be what gets your attention. Even if he can't quite admit to himself that your attention, regardless of whether it's positive or negative, is what he wants.

It's late, but Vagastrom students don't go to bed until far later. And Leo needs a favor.

His crushing lack of success in garnering any sort of attention or reaction or rise from you had driven him to a point. He didn't want to apologize to you or anything, but this new habit of you ignoring him was beginning to stoke his displeasure. In his pondering, he remembered how easily Sho captured your gaze and wondered if maybe he'd have any idea of what Leo could do to at least put an end to this stalemate.

Leo's reluctance shows in the way he drags his feet on the path to Sho's room, less than eager to confront him for his opinion on something so shamelessly trivial. Why was he wasting his time with this anyway? Surprisingly, the lack of a solid answer to that question did not stop his trek. A twinge in his chest told him he knew exactly why he was "wasting his time".

In the month it had been since he'd made you cry, the nagging feeling had only gotten harsher. His mind kept flickering back to the shock of your tears and how he'd not bothered to consider it much further. An uncomfortable guilt had made itself known starting then. He never really expected you to cry; he just wanted a mild reaction. He wanted your eyes on him, flashing with anger, just for a moment. Your ire was a saccharine pill laced with ecstasy that he'd gladly crush with his teeth to speed up his high. Maybe it'd be too much to say he got off on it, but he enjoyed the way you used to roll your eyes at any comments from him a little more than he cared to admit. Now, he wouldn't even get that. It'd be rare for you to so much as make fleeting eye contact with him, not that something as small as that would be enough for Leo. Part of him was willing to accept that maybe, he'd gone too far. Maybe. But how else was he supposed to monopolize your attention when you give that out so freely? To his best friend, even?

He didn't know it was possible to covet something so terribly. He found himself wondering why he couldn't catch your attention in the same way as the other ghouls? In his quest for the same attention you gave so freely to the kinder, softer ghouls, he found another version of your attention. It was negative, but it was attention nonetheless. Your sweet, honeyed rage seemed to fill his cravings and then some, so he continued to devour it under the guise of "chasing you away" or "putting you down" or "satisfying his ego". In truth, for whatever reason, there was a rather bothersome and persistent envious longing, a covet, for your attention. Leo wants to vomit. A part of him denies it still, pushing his needless feelings to the back of his brain. He had something to do, and he ought to focus on that. What good would mere wallowing do?

He makes it to Sho's room and almost considers turning back. He stares at the door, his expression morphing into a complicated look. He shifted his feet, his slippers sliding against the floor. It was quite clear he really did not want to do this. At all. He sighs and grumbles indignantly, putting his head in his hands in an attempt to gather some courage. This couldn't be that hard, right? Just in, ask Sho a question, get an answer, then out. The only reason this was easier said than done was just because it could potentially show Leo was capable of feeling remorse, which would make this conversation leagues harder than it needed to be. He shakes his head and straightens up, preparing to knock, when he notices something.

Sho's room was... unusually quiet. Usually, Leo almost always heard some loud music or a cooking show running in the background, but he couldn't hear anything this time. Sho couldn't possibly be asleep. As late as it was, the only person who Leo knew for a fact could stay up past him was Sho, regardless of how much sleep he had gotten. There was no chance Sho was asleep. Believe it or not, Leo doesn't like to spy on Sho. But curiosity overwhelms him. What could he possibly be doing that would render the whole room in silence?

"Haxs," he whispers, listening closely.

The first thing he hears is the cling-clanging of Alan hard at work on a car in the garage. Not the sound he was meant to be focusing on. Then he hears endless jeering and loud insults shouted, though they're all muffled like they're underground. Another pit fight? Still, not the sound he's looking for. He sifts through the sounds he hears before he settles on the one coming directly from Sho's room.

Voices. Groaning, strained voices. The sound of wet skin against wet skin. Panting. Sho's panting, specifically. He could tell by the slight nasally tone of it.

Leo felt his face gradually warm. Christ, of course it'd be this he'd be up to. Leo muffles a laugh into the collar of his pajamas, keeping his hand clamped over his mouth as his body shook with mirth. When he finally calms down, he slinks off to the corner down the hall, and hides himself there, shamelessly still listening to it. Sho's a sly dog. Leo certainly didn't expect him to be getting up to anything this soon. He leans his body against the wall, crossing his arms and drumming his fingers on his arm, waiting for Sho to finish. He smirks to himself, as though enjoying the vocal show.

...

He had to admit, whoever he was with had gorgeous moans. He'd have to ask Sho if he'd be willing to pass this girl's number. He could use a couple things to get his mind off of you.

...

Okay, he had to stop listening to this now. He lifts his stigma and holds his hands over his ears for good measure, partially trying to hide the furious red blush across his face. As pretty as that girl's moans were, he was not going to listen to his best friend's climax. No thanks. He huffs out an impatient breath as his cheeks cool down, leaning his back against the wall, leaning his head back until it hit the wall with a dull thump. Now he just had to wait it out. He knew damn well Sho would never let a girl stay over. He'd never hear the end of it from yours truly, Leo.

Leo's right. It isn't long before he hears the door to Sho's room click, and hears murmured voices travel down the hall. He smirks, rushing down the hall in the opposite way, so it doesn't look like he was listening the whole time. He listens, waiting for a cue of some sort.

"Shame you have to go, you know." Sho's voice. Laced with relief, pleasure, and a thick tiredness. Leo's skin crawled. He could practically feel the smile in Sho's voice.

"It's not so bad." The girl responded with a light and playful tone, her voice seemingly much more put together than Sho's despite all that moaning. The voice sounded oddly familiar, but Leo brushed it off. Must be someone he shares classes with. "I've got things to do anyway. But it was nice to spend some time with you, Sho." Eagh. Leo internally hopes this girl isn't the type to get easily attached.

"...Yeah. Same to you. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

Finally, he heard the girl's footsteps trailing down the hall, heading in his direction. Leo hurriedly pulls his phone out of his pocket, making sure the screen was bright as he flipped through the latest trends. He made a point of not looking up until he heard the footsteps nearing him.

He looks up, prepared for a simple glance, but ends up being rooted to the spot.

It was you. Of course, it was you. Who else would be taunting enough?

Despite himself, his gaze remains glued to you, his head turning as you walk past him. For a moment, Leo thinks you're just going to ignore him again. Then, suddenly, your gaze meets his in a flash, and he stiffens, almost out of fear. The way your eyebrows crease and the way your lips twitch downward almost makes him salivate. You were clearly displeased to see him. Even so, he notices you don't slow down, continuing your way down the hall, not bothering to crane your neck to look at him.

Leo remains rooted to the spot, watching your figure as you leave. His jaw hangs open slightly, his chest heaving with shocked breaths. His eyes are wide open, pools of gold reflecting your retreating form. His hand trembles as he holds his phone, the latest trends left neglected in the wake of a single mean-spirited glance from you. He feels his heart pound mercilessly in his chest, as though confirming what he'd tried so desperately to deny.

All at once, anger and arousal seem to grip him simultaneously. Anger at himself for feeling arousal from a mere negative glance from you. He couldn't possibly have craved your attention so viscerally he'd happily accept mere scraps. And yet here he was, a lap dog, watching you as you leave as though silently begging for another glance, another chance to watch your eyes burn with that familiar, delicious anger, another meal to satisfy his starved heart.

For a moment, he would have gladly followed you, and pestered you to death, just to irk you and become a willing victim of your wrath. Anything... just for that attention.

a/n: wow. no stop why am i kind of in shock at the poetic lines i kinda think i did a great job! but 4 whatever reason it's always the writing i think was total shit that does actual numbers *sob*

aghhhh in any case. no i don't have an excuse 4 this. my requests are still technically closed. i just... couldn't help myself... so consider this a freebie. regardless though if u like my writing feel free 2 fill the fuck out of my inbox idnc i love hearing from y'all.

also TUMBLR KEEPS TURNING OFF MY REBLOGS!!!! GRAH!!!!!! tumblr hates me y'all they keep catching on2 me 4 writing porn :( so please if u really wanna show appreciation and tumblr won't let u reblog, leave a comment! those make me happy :)

anyways. usual note that i adore likes, comments, and tagged reblogs!! please tell me how much you like my writing, i love to hear it and it keeps me going! until next timeeeeeeee!

EDIT: I FORGOTTT QUICK EXPLAINATION: im assuming everyone knows pavlov's dog and the whole classical conditioning theory. this story is basically that mixed with the mere-exposure effect.

neutral stimulus: mc's presence

natural response: leo's arousal/excitement

response-producing stimulus: mc's anger

mere-exposure effect: psychological effect in which a like or dislike of things is developed merely due 2 familiarity.

[ashleyisartsy]

Problems (objective and personal) I'm not seeing discussed a lot w this new WatcherTV thing, in no particular order:

-Alienates people internationally who literally CANNOT GET the streaming service!

-Alienates casual fans who don't watch or want to watch all of their shows. Putting down 60 bucks a year to watch just one or two shows is kind of insane, at least for me.

-The volume of content Watcher has produced historically hasn't been enough to justify a separate streamer. I understand there's no way a small team could compete with something like Netflix, obviously, but that's what you're trying to do by putting yourself in the streamer market.

-Will this streamer be secure? What steps are in place to protect your viewers info? ESPECIALLY payment info.

-Will it be easily watchable on multiple devices? I watch YouTube videos on my phone at work 90% of the time, or at home on my TV thru my switch. Is this a browser only deal?

-What are the internet requirements for this? Believe it or not most streaming services won't run on my internet personally. I don't have any for that reason. I can watch YouTube on 360p, or on my 2-bar-reception phone data. Not everywhere has stable reliable internet.

-The suddenness and totality of the move was going to be jarring no matter what, if the idea had been introduced gradually or started as a hybrid model to test audience interest there wouldn't be nearly this amount of pushback.

-I understand the people saying "pay artists!!" Bc I am one, and I get that their quality is expensive and they have a whole company's worth of people to support. I do actually think their work is worth paying for! Everyone's is! But convincing anyone to pay for something they previously got for free is going to be a hard sell. They were still getting paid before, they're now just asking us to pay instead of the advertisers. Idk about you, but that's a way bigger hit to my pocketbook than a multimillion dollar company's bank account.

-I get that YouTube can be a really shitty place to be a creator sometimes, and that being beholden to advertisers is something they don't want to be. It's why they left Buzzfeed! They already have a patreon and merch and it's clearly not been enough for their ambitions. But shooting yourself in the foot because your running shoes are wearing out isn't going to make you a better marathon runner. They had to know that there was going to be a not small portion of their audience unwilling to make this move with them (and again, lots literally aren't able to!)

-If they had a free w/ ads option, or even did a hybrid model with whole shows behind the pay wall, or even just ran a fucking crowd funding campaign to help cover costs of new seasons of shows, any of those things could have worked. They don't even have YouTube memberships turned on, which I've personally seen many many channels do even when they already have a patreon. It really doesn't seem like they've exhausted other options, at least from an outside perspective, which is all we have as viewers!

-I get that this has been in the works for a long time, and that there probably isn't a way for them to back out now. But I hope they can find a way to make this more accessible if they want it to work at all. I truly am not wishing for their downfall, but the whole situation is an awful mess.

Idk, rant over. As a lot of you are I'm feeling very disappointed and upset with this one, and I'm not paying for it either. Hope the boys can salvage this one for their and their crew's sake. Would really hate for this to be the end.

[pupyuj]

[cw: g!p yujin, hate-fucking OOOH, bratty dom yuj bcs i love it when she’s annoying, daddy kink, degradation, overstimulation, breeding kink (are we.. noticing a pattern here 😭), edging]

jock!yujin as promised bcs these pics unlocked something in me 😍😍 SHE’S TOO HANDSOME 😞💘💘 this is reminiscent of the very first yuj drabble i did so look away if it’s practically identical I SWEAR I HAVE FRESH IDEAS 😭😭 she needs to drop the jorts outfit pics ya’ll know i’ll be all over those 😣 ineedhersobadit’snotajokeanymore

yujin as one of the members of the opposing swimming team that’s always hitting on you during every meet 🤭 but ugh she’s not at all amusing! she taunts you, teases you, and used to pull pranks on you but now that the two of you have grown and she is much much more… well, attractive, all that tension has turned into… something else!

yujin was lucky you’re merely a courtside cutie supporting your friends who are on your school’s team, or else you would have kicked her ass to the pool every time she whispers something dirty in your ear 😒 still though… you could never look away from her or completely reject her advances bcs hello?? has anybody seen that face?? that body?? those abs?? that dick??! gosh!! knowing ahn yujin, she’s tease you to no end bcs this would all mean that her flirting and catcalling is working.. and your pride was way too big for you to just let yujin think that she has you under her spell 🤭

it was yujin’s own huge ego that made her want to start a stupid bet with you! if she beats her record, then you’ll let her take you out on a date! you were torn between taking this opportunity to embarrass yujin in front of your friends as well as her team or not even give yujin the idea that she can score with you but alas! you just had to feel like you had to take her down a notch 🫢🫢 and so you accept the bet… and ofc that was the one time the gods of fortune did not bless you 😨 yujin won! and there her annoying friends go teasing you and pushing you towards yujin as if she wasn’t drenched 😒 you were butthurt and annoyed so ended up storming off to the showers bcs now your shirt was wet and oh how you wish you could just knock some sense into yujin and her stupid friends and—

“one date isn’t going to hurt you, baby!” you really should’ve known yujin was going to follow you 😭

“date? what date?” you asked as you exited a stall with toilet paper in your hand, furiously dabbing on your shirt,, which just so happens to be a see-through shirt so now there yujin was, checking you out while biting her lip. how subtle 😒 "i'm not going anywhere with you, ahn. you're annoying, you're arrogant, and you don't know how to take 'no' for an answer."

"and you're a terrible liar, (y/n)," unfortunately yujin knows exactly what you're hiding behind your cold words and your bitchy stares and sickening side-eyes! see, sometimes you're not exactly subtle either, and yujin was surprisingly observant so yes, she has seen you stare at her hard-on multiple times before, she has seen the way you lick your lips when she enters the room, and she has absolutely seen you smile ‘in secret’ after she shoots a flirty comment your way 😋😋 “you want me.”

but you weren’t going to go down easily! “to get out of my sight maybe.” sigh as much as you try to put up a fight tho, those pretty eyes are always going to be a weakness of yours!! bcs somehow.. attempting to walk away from her only resulted in you being pulled back into her, and that was where yujin finally kissed you 🫣

shower sex?? shower sex!! yujinnie forcing you to go down on your knees as soon as she has stripped you completely naked, and she’s slapping her thick, throbbing cock on tour face with a mocking smile.. she won after all, why not celebrate it? 😋 “come on, (y/n)… isn’t this what you’ve been waiting for?” she’d tease while pressing her tip against your lips knowing damn well how much you want her cock down your throat 😣 this was humiliating.. her being so big that you can barely take all of her inside your mouth :(( but god, the sound of your gagging and broken moans were such a pleasure to hear that yujin really didn’t care that you were struggling! she’s using your mouth at a steady pace, hands on your hair, both praises and insults escaping her lips amidst her own moans…

jerking her off at the same time and forcing your eyes open just so you can see that adorable look on yujin’s face… the one where she’s squeezing her eyes shut at the pleasure.. sucking the air between her teeth every time her tip touches the back of your mouth… her noises only getting louder and louder once you’ve gotten used to her size and came up with tricks of your own: making use of your tongue by slowly dragging it across her slit, letting her watch as you play with your nipples knowing it pisses her off that she can’t touch you at the moment… fuck, yujin was obsessed with you and your pettiness and you have no fucking idea just how much 😵‍💫😵‍💫

ughdhfhdhfjcn playing with the head of her cock so much that she cums unexpectedly.. but what yujin really liked was how her cum spilled out of your mouth and how she painted your face with the hot, white fluids—you looked so much prettier!! 🤭🤭 and oh how yujin wished she could take her camera and take a picture of you right now: looking up at her expectantly with lust-filled eyes and her cum just all over your face.. something she’d jerk off to every night along w your insta pics but you don’t know about that yet 🫢

any sign of that pride of yours being gone as soon as yujin picks you up and fucks you against the wall 🫣 her dick penetrating you at a rapid pace, your moans and the slapping of skin against skin echoing throughout the empty locker room.. wouldn’t be surprised if your guys’ friends hears you bcs yujin was merciless! fucking you like it was going to be her last, marking you up just how she likes it..

“s-see..? you’re just a f-fucking whore… mmhn..! aren’t you, (y/n)??”

“fuck you—ah! i hate you.. i hate y—fuck!” you can’t deny that it all felt too good 😵‍💫😵‍💫

“f-fine.. insult me more, see where it gets you. do you.. hah… do you not want to get filled up?”

having no choice but to give in to yujin bcs you were so close :(( between her cock ramming inside you and her sneaking her hand in between your legs and toying with your clit, it was becoming too much 😣 “come on.. you know how to beg, don’t you? how fucking else a-are you an honour student? huh? teacher’s whore.” she was so fucking wrong but this was the one time her insults turned you on more than they angered you 😵‍💫 you whine, you claw at yujin’s back, you tug on her hair, but you don’t ever utter a word—you wouldn’t please her that easily but oh she just knows the way she can break your guard down even more! 😤

yujin denying you of your release multiple times.. she wants to cum too but she has no problem holding it all in and dumping it all inside you… seeing you cry and glare at her whenever she slows down was more entertaining than actually getting to pop inside you 🤭 “we can do this all day if that’s what you want, (y/n).. i know i’d fucking love to break you.” and yujin was serious! she wasn’t going to let up until she hears your magical voice cry out her name 🫣🫣

another orgasm stolen from you and you finally completely gave up.. “s-s-stop it..! stop it.. please, please, daddy, l-let me cum…!” you begged and begged as you sobbed, aww ☹️ yujin wasn’t even expecting so much pleading, let alone that nickname.. she almost felt bad that she was making you cry so much but she has to hear that again 🫢 the idea of you calling her ‘daddy’ every time you touch yourself to her.. god, the things yujin could do to you..! 🫣🫣

“louder. they can’t hear you.”

and so louder you scream yujin's name 😳😳 she whispers both praises and insults in your ear, having so much fun at the hold she has on you.. you could literally just cum on your own but instead, you're holding it back for until yujin tells you that you can! "you fucking whore... i can get you pregnant right here and you wouldn't care, huh?" she loved taunting you🤭

"no.. no, i don't... please, fill m-me up.. ah!" you didn't even know what you were saying anymore 😵‍💫 you just wanted to be relieve of all this.. and that yujin gives you after another minute of denial; groaning sweetly as she spills her load deep inside you, also watching as you creamed all over her cock.. ugh you looked so pretty with all the marks she left on your chest and neck.. your eyes were burning and red from crying, but they still held desire for yuji.. well this was going to be a long shower now 🤭 she knew the two of you were perfect together!

[matchadobo]

Kid is probably the most impatient person when it comes to fucking you you both will start making out and become more passionate and hotter but he doesn’t want to let go of your kiss to take off his clothes he will be so needy to the point he’ll start grinding while kissing you

KIDD; impatient

wc: 425

warning/s: fem reader, 🔞, nsfw, mentions of sex, just a wild makeout session

he was messy and needy, you were covered in lipstick marks from his sloppy kisses and your buttons were undone halfway. kidd doesn't seem to know what to undo first from being too eager to get his hands on you.

he sucked on your tongue while he desperately tries to undress the both of you. while you could help, the captain wants to do it all himself. even if you did want to move, you were restrained.

his breaths were heavy against your mouth. he feverishly angled his head multiple times to kiss you better and have left you breathless. his grip on you was firm and his erection was poking your leg through his pants.

"what's the rush, kiddo?" you chuckled through his wet lips, opening your eyes to look at him. yet he refuses to answer you and continued to pepper your lips with hot kisses. the only response you could make out was a growl as he grinded raringly against you.

"gotta fuck. now." he started to tear out your shirt and the buttons would come off just to expose your skin. he would tug at your skirt so you could wiggle out of it. he'd just kick off his pants somewhere across the room.

this wasn't the first time things escalated like this. it wasn't new to your relationship to fuck each other with clothes on. he'd just slide off your or his pants halfway, move your panties to the side and ram into you.

but he mostly has this habit of grinding really hard and acting way rougher than usual just to get those clothes off. he would always rush to undress you and himself and he's so selfish about it. he will not give you time to breathe or adjust whenever he does this. you'd have to muffle out your protests through the kiss in order to pass on your message that you need to breathe, cuz he just simply wouldn't let your lips go.

hi anon!🌷 thank you so much for the req and i couldn't agree more so much so a scenario came to mind 😭

so sorry for being idle again 😭 personal stuff's been hitting me like a truck. for those who requested and are waiting, i'm still not sure if i can complete the ones i'm not vibing or feeling to 💔 maybe i'm demotivated since i'm finalizing my college stuff or i just don't fw it 😭 i'm letting u guys know so u won't be left hanging <3 i appreciate your requests and i'm flattered that you reached out bc u guys (maybe) think i could do it 🥰

[spenglersweetheart]

Yk the scene where Peter asks Egon how’s school

That but this time the reader has like flashbacks to the night before of her and Egon hehehe

ooooh i can do this 👀 teehee

─────────────── ✦ ───────────────

( note : i will keep using this gif whenever i get an epididymis related one 🤭 )

The Night Before

Egon Spengler x Reader

WARNINGS : NSFW STUFF ‼️

( another note [a during the writing process note, if that makes sense] : the reader will still be gender neutral but with female anatomy for this bc i genuinely do not know how to write smut without any of the anatomy so ... )

─────────────── ✦ ───────────────

YOU'RE ORGANIZING ONE OF RAY'S BOOKSHELVES when you hear the bell to the door ring. It signals that someone has entered the store. You manage to take a quick glance, and when you see that it's only Peter, you go back to what you're doing. Although you are focused on what you're doing, your ears can't help to perk up when you hear him and Egon having a conversation.

"Hi Egon, how's school?" Peter says, "I bet those science chicks really dig that big cranium of yours, huh?"

"I think they're more interested in my epididymis," you hear Egon say.

You overhear that, and suddenly a light blush appears onto your face. You almost feel weak to your knees. You felt the way that you did the night before, and your mind couldn't help but wander to what happened.

Suddenly you could feel his hands all over you all over again. One hand gripped tightly on each thigh, kissing your neck and collarbone. Your whimpers echo through the empty bedroom of the Firehouse. You remember the smug grin on his face as he sees you squirm into place on his bed.

" Shhh ... " You hear Egon in the midst of your own whines and whimpers, "The others are still downstairs. Wouldn't want them to hear, now would you?"

You slightly shook your head. The others hadn't known about you and Egon's little relationship. It was a secret, only until you two were ready to tell. But the risk of getting caught had been so much fun.

"E-Egon. . . Fuck──" You manage to moan out, being as quiet as you can. It was just so hard not to be. He does it so well.

You can already feel your walls clench. You were holding onto him like you were a koala, hands slightly gripped onto his back as he kept up with his movements, hitting your spot each time.

" That's it, sweetheart, cum for me," he whispers into your ear.

You couldn't even hear anything. You weren't even paying attention. When Ray tapped you on your shoulder, you yelped, dropping the books that you had in your hands from the moment you froze.

"Y / N? You had been standing there for a minute are you okay?"

Your face was beet red. This was so embarrassing. You quickly pick up the books after giving a nod. "Yep! Yeah! Totally, I am A-Okay!"

"Your face is red, are you catching a fever?"

"Ray, I'm alright," you answer, "I promise. It's just ... Really hot in here."

Ray gives a nod. "Well, you can take a breather. It's about time you took a break from organizing those books," he says.

You immediately nod, walking past Ray, Peter, and then as you go to pass Egon, you stop. Your eyes glance up at him. He's giving you that same smug smirk that he gave you last night. Your face turns red again, and you grumble, going outside into the slightly crisp air.

Not too long after Egon steps outside. You look at him, crossing your arms. "Don't you start."

"I only came to check on you," he said, "Seeing how you're feeling. To see what you're ... thinking about."

He then walks up closer to you. You try to hide what you're thinking about, but it's Egon Spengler. He could read you from a mile away.

"Thinking about my epididymis, are you?"

You face him, playfully pushing him as your face turns red once again. "Oh, shut up," You mumble in embarrassment.

─────────────── ✦ ──────────────

── ♡ ( AUTHOR'S NOTE! ) :

i need to work on my nsfw writing skills this is getting embarrassing.

[queer-n-here]

Hi lol I’m just here to request Tachihara again (i was the one who requested him before haha). I saw that you wrote the fic and that’s awesome and I’m super grateful, but I wasn’t able to finish it bc I can’t read noncon (just a personal thing).

But yeah! I’ve been loving your other works and I was debating even sending this cuz i didn't wanna sound entitled or anything but if you’re up for writing another Tachihara fic, I’d be stoked to read it! The other options on the poll you put out all sounded really good so maybe one of those? Up to you! And feel free to shoot down this request, no hard feelings :)

Bro 😭 I'm sorry the fic wasn't to your taste. Also, this is for other people who wanna send asks, too. If there are certain themes that you're not comfortable with, please specify! I don't want to make y'all uncomfortable, and I think I remember you saying that you were okay with anything, anon *accusing side eye*.

Hehe, no worries though, and you didn't come off as entitled at all. In fact, you sounded so polite I was like damn I need to do this hahah (dont worry, I took no pressure, as you can probably tell from the time it took for me to dish this things out, I'm sorry brooooo 😭😭)

Also, I'm glad you like my works! ☺ Thank you for reading, and I hope you like this one, too!

In the poll that I did for Tachihara, the second place was taken by 'Edging+Overstim' so imma do that one!

Contents: Edging 'Hara and then overstimming him.

Warnings: Smut, top male reader, lil bit of nipple play, one case of degradation, edging, overstim, I'm writing this at 2:24 because my bae just went offline and I'm horny :(

Tachihara was barely even sane about three hours in.

You'd been edging him for so long, he couldn't focus on anything anymore. His eyes were dripping with tears, his hips bucking up to push himself deeper into your cock, only for you to grab his waist with a hiss and hold him in place.

Gods, you couldn't help but admire how sexy he looked like that, eyes glazed over and thighs trembling, hands clutching your shoulders so tight he'd drawn blood a while ago. Another sob shook his bruised chest as you remained stationary in him, so big against his walls but not moving.

"[Name]," He whined, the jut of his throat rolling. "Hhng, p-please..."

"Hmm..." You considered giving him what he wanted.

You raised a hand, letting it trail across his skin, caressing his torso, his waist, his thighs...

Tachihara moved to lean into the touch, his gaze pleasingly pathetic despite his brain having turned to mush.

You leaved down and, surprising the both of you with your gentleness, placed a kiss on Tachihara's forehead.

"Alright, then." You said, your voice husky with desire.

And then your hips started moving again, this time with a ferocity that sent the man underneath you scrambling for purchase, his grip slipping from your shoulders. His hands landed on the sheets on either side of his head and he gripped them tightly, back arching as your thrusts grew deeper and deeper.

The sounds of sex echoed across the room, and each one of your thrusts hit Tachihara's sweet spots at the accuracy of a professional sniper, sending his mind hurling, making him whimper. His moans were growing louder, and his untouched dick was leaking pre-cum onto the sheets.

It didn't take Tachihara long to come. A couple tugs at his nipples had him spilling all over himself, making a mess out of his abdomen. His body shuddered as he panted, body lax under you, till he realized you weren't stopping.

"A-ah! I just... Mmph! I just c-came, [Name], please..."

"Please what, baby?" You drawled, your pace wild and unrestrained, your gaze on Tachihara's body predatory. "Isn't this what you wanted?"

And he just whined, fat tears spilling from his red and puffy eyes as he shook his head, but at the same time his hole clenched around you, making you widen your eyes and then smirk.

"Such a fucking slut, 'Hara..."

You ended up fucking him till he was shooting blanks, till the half-begging expression on his face slowly turned into a fucked-out one, till he couldn't even say your name anymore.

Clean up was a pain in the neck as usual, but after changing the sheets when you laid behind Tachihara in the bathtub, holding him against you, you couldn't help but sigh in contempt.

As long as you had him by your side, you couldn't hell but think that life was good.

[bangtandreamland8]

(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ Thanks To Shiftblr I Notice a Big Change in Mind Set ♥

Just a little head up so u don't get confused instead of () to express my thoughts, feelings or opinions they will be colored in pink like this also purple is for information that was important to me and had some sort of effect on me in someway Hopefully that makes sense bc I'm bad at explaining things

when I first Stumbled Across Shiftblr I wanted To Get Away from all the toxic people on shifttok + I was also losing some interest in shifting witch caused a very long shifting break. That was UNTIL I Decided that one day to not go on shifttok again and look for information about shifting Somewhere Else and in my search, I came across Shiftblr and I was hit with a lot of Yelling the yelling was well deserved mainly about Not Caring about the 3D The only important 4D is our real reality because we are imagination and Also How we are always shifting also persisting. Sorry if it doesn't make sense, I was trying to summaries what I have been learning on here One Major change I noticed was 4 days ago I did my first Shifting attempt after a very long break because I just randomly started thinking about My BTS Reality It was A random Scenario That I had Scripted So I thought I was do a sleep method, But I ended Up Falling asleep, But I noticed feeling a little happy when I woke up even though I fell asleep during my method I remember saying to myself "Its Okey That I fell asleep Bc I still shifted" after I told myself that there was a part of me that Did Believed that I Shifted But a small part of me that Didn't But I decided not to focus too much on that side of me this was a big difference bc I would normally just throw a fit about me falling asleep while I was trying to shift Or Would look at the steps to the method I did to see if I did anything wrong. but instead, I just said I still shifted and went on with the rest of my day Evan Tho there was still that small part of me that didn't believe what I had said was true I just thought that I had Shifted But because there was that other part of me that believed that I had shifted, and I was in my Dr so I just decided to Listen To that part Of Me Instead of thinking I Didn't shift and whining and complain about it so, I just got out of bed and went on with my day and that was it. Another thing I learned from being on tumbler is loa And Manifestations in general one thing I learn is that the 4D is our real reality So why should we care about what we see in the 3D and as long as we accept the fact that we have everything we want in the 4D then we don't have to worry about the 3D bc the 3D Is not Our Ture reality this how my brain took that information from different post on here also, something else that I kept in mind was that we are Imagination we are nothing but Imagination. I'm goanna admit that this was hard for me to grasp at first bc I now realize I might have been overthinking it a little. but when I first started reading those post I was always saying to myself "how am imagination when people would say how bad it was for me to have a big imagination when I was younger" I was one of those kids who had an overactive imagination, and I also had family member who though that it was weird But besides I later thought that well if this person is telling me that I am Imagination then why would they lie. so, for a couple of days I would randomly say to myself " I'm Imagination" and to be honest I don't know why I just for some reason felt that I needed to remind myself that I am imagination and I think it worked in some way bc I was trying to manifest some money, and I went to the job my mom helps me get cleaning the doctor office that she worked at before I started, I closed my eyes and told myself I would do a really good job and make a good imprecation and the day that I actually started the lady who haired me for the job kept giving me complement's and I was supposed to get paid by the end of the week but she paid me on the spot also on Friday she gave me extra cash my mom said it was because she like me and she was goanna have me come back every day when she on vacation since she also helps cleans the office

So, with that being said I was and will forever be Grateful for shiftblr and that one post with the person who yelled at me in a post also shook me I think I reblog that post not sure I'll probably go looking for it and ill added to this post or my introduction post but i strongly believe that if i didn't decide to leave shifttok then i would probably have woken up in this reality complaining about how i didn't shift or thinking i was doing a method wrong But now Im more focused on what i do/have in the 4D thank you for coming to my Journal entry

Also, from now on I'll be treated this blog as a journal because it kind of felt like that while I was writing this

oh, and thank you for being here on my journey

[rygujis]

⊹˚. ♡ what are we? draken x f!reader . 592 wc . crack, feat. hina & emma, draken's a tease, i might make another part of this

for months now, you and draken have been "seeing eachother". it's hard to explain. he's been taking you on all these cute dates, you've been flirting with one another, the two of you hold hands in public without even realizing it, and your friends have all assumed you're dating, which has made you start thinking,

"what are we?"

neither you or draken have asked eachother this, nothing has been made official, and frankly, you're afraid to ask. it seems like a dumb question, but could you really be blamed for asking it? you didn't know, and you aren't quite sure he knows either.

with encouragement from emma and hina, bless their hearts, you go ahead and pick up your phone. reluctantly, you dial his number, before hitting the big green button, you look up at your friends, whom both give you a nod and thumbs up. you shake off your worries, and call draken.

the phone rings for what feels like eternity, making your foot tap impatiently. suddenly, you hear a, "hello?" you nearly hang up right there. the whole pep talk you'd just gotten seems to of went right out the window, and you start to shake. "hi."

"what's up?" you realize how late it is, checking the clock on your nightstand. it's 12 am.

"i didn't wake you up, did i?"

"i was just 'bout to go to sleep, but don't worry about it."

"cool, cool."

silence.

"so.. why'd you call?" draken sounds confused, usually something like this would irritate him, like, if mikey had called him this late and just stayed quiet he'd be pretty ticked off, but he has a godly amount of patience when it comes to you.

"i wanted to ask you something."

he stays quiet.

"what- uh... what are we?"

more silence.

"ain't it obvious?" you freeze. seemingly. you turn a very deep red, because emma starts to giggle into hinas shoulder.

"what do you mean?" you can't help but laugh nervously, filled with anxiety. what does he mean? is he saying that in a "we're nothing more than friends, obviously!" kind of way or in a "obviously we're together!" way? it's hard to read his tone, that's right in between sounding playful and confused.

"tell me, what do you want us to be?"

oh, he wants you dead. that's basically impossible to say out loud with your two snickering best friends in front of you. you point to your door, mouthing "get out." at the two girls, resulting in hina scurrying out, dragging a whiny, nosy emma out with her.

"i- uh. i guess i was hoping we could be. y'know."

"no, n/n, i don't know."

you sigh, pouting dramatically. "y'know.. official. girlfriend 'nd boyfriend." you nearly throw up in your mouth out of sheer embarrassment, but you were proud of yourself for finally getting that out after questioning your relationship nonstop for the past week.

"hmm.. i suppose that could work."

"you suppose?!" he laughs, making you smile.

"i'm just kiddin', y/n. i'd love to make things official."

like a teen girl in one of those corny movies you watch, you fall on your back and kick your feet out of excitement. it almost felt like a dream come true, you've finally made it to the next base after months of build up.

"great."

"great."

"see you tomorrow?"

"sounds great."

"bye."

"bye."

the phone is still snug against your ear as you squeal in excitement, the que for the girls to run back in and bask in the excitement with you.

i might make a "part two" for this.. in quotes bc it could techically be a standalone but yk

[qsphyxias]

Nightwing x Male! Reader (hurt/comfort)

if you fetishize mlm/nblm relationships, get the fuck out of here!

synopsis ; you just broke up with ur bf bc he cheated on u and Nightwing comes to make u feel better.

warnings ; swearing, break ups, venting (not traumatic or too deep) about relationship, manhandle joke, angst? its topic is sad but I think I made it too nice and fluffy

note ; i wanna add more, esp. with pillow talk or whatever but I'm too tired and maybe ill just make another part or smth or edit it

words ; 1.3k+

Your face burned, and your lips trembled against the hand you held up against your moth. You sighed shakily, dropping your head atop your arm leaned up against the railing of your balcony. That was the end of another relationship.

You looked at the wet cement down below, over the thin, black iron railing, your eyes couldn't focus on anything because of the fat tears that obstructed most of your vision. Gravity pulled your tears to the ground, almost pulling you entirely over the rails — you just felt so tired.

The day you've had was just about enough for you to bear. You found out your boyfriend of three years was cheating on you for two of those three years. But the worst part was that you hadn't even found out yourself; he had told you, and he had been the one to break up with you. As if, you were the problem.

You were in the way.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" You murmured under your breath, rage began to well up, and you could feel it in your throat — strangling you, taking your breath and turning it into steam. "I wasted three years on him. Three fucking years of my life!" You backed away from the ledge, looking up at the sky as if it represented the entire world before you. "And for what?"

Despite it all, a part of you wanted him back. Not because you loved him, but because, where else will you find someone? You knew everything about him, and you... well, you hoped he knew just about everything to know about you. But now, all that information is useless. You were scared and alone; how much time did you really have? It's not like some handsome, piece of ass is going to come around and save you.

You slid down on the cold surface of the balcony, sitting down and tucking your knees in as you watched your fingers fidget in front of you. You stopped crying, but now it felt worse than before. Your heart had no means to release all that raw emotion because your body couldn't take the exhaustion.

"Hey, are... you alright?" A gentle hand grabs your shoulder, and your head shoots up to see dark blue eyes, staring at you with nothing but hopeful concern. His hope to somehow make you feel better, and his concern that you are currently sitting on the ground, eyes, nose, and mouth red and swollen.

You don't push away, not at all — in fact, that's the last thing on your mind. Even when it hits you that Nightwing is leaning over you, a knee on the ground and his arm on your shoulder. You're too drained to react properly, you just stare at him.

You pressed your hand on your cheek, murmuring your speech. "Give me a fucking break." Had he arrived at a time — literally any other time — less inconvenient, you probably would have asked him for an autograph and fawned over his arms. He chuckled at your reply, not at all offended by your display of disdain at his appearance. He took a seat next to you on the cold hard ground.

For a couple of minutes, you both just sat there, and you stared off into space as you silently fought with your inner demons to not lash out at him. With an apologetic sigh, withdrawing your attitude from before. "I'm sorry, it's been a rough night- I just found out my boyfriend was cheating on me for two years." Nightwing glanced over as you mentioned a boyfriend, so you weren't straight, huh? That totally won't affect how he sees you.

The man beside you sucked in a sharp breath as you mentioned your situation, immediately feeling terrible as he put himself in your shoes. "Don't worry about it; you deserve a little lashing out." You scoffed affectionately as you wiped your remaining tears away with your sleeve, he was friendly, wasn't he?

"That's nice of you to say." Suddenly, the floor looked much more interesting than looking at the attractive man beside you. He noticed the averted gaze and brought you back to reality by placing his hand on yours. "I'm serious, lash out at me! Whatever you wanna say to him, say to me." He was serious, grinning at his great idea.

"I mean I heard you wailing from miles away; I'm sure you don't have a shortage of things to say." He looked proud of himself. "Dear god — you heard that?" You stood up and backed away from him, with him following you closely. "I think half of Gotham heard that." He teased, watching your ashamed expression with a smile.

"You're kind of an asshole, aren't you?" You said, standing your ground as you taunted him right back. His smile only grew, "I have mixed reviews."

"Alright, Nightwing. I'll take you up on your offer." You crossed your arms and stepped closer to him, "I'll vent."

He rubbed his hands together in response, beckoning you towards him. "Give it to me."

Your face turned beet-red at the sudden conspicuous innuendo, and you paused. Hoping he hadn't noticed, you got back in the zone and tried to imagine your ex's face in place of Nightwing's. "Okay, alright. Well. You're... You're a dick."

Dick laughed, for more reasons than one. "That's it? Have at me! Don't be shy." You frowned, "Fine then, you're not just a dick. You're also cruel." You looked into his eyes, seeing your ex's face before you instead of Nightwing's.

To fuel the fire, you channeled all those feelings into your speech. "You broke my heart for no reason when you could have left me when you met him. And- Instead, you wasted my time, thinking I was in this... This loving relationship with a man I was going to marry — " Before you could keep rambling on, you felt strong arms around you, grounding you. You hadn't noticed you were trembling from the emotion until you felt the calm, still body against yours.

You also hadn't noticed how much you absolutely needed that hug.

Hesitating, your arms hovered over his back before you tenderly hugged him back, sinking into his body knowing he could still hold you from his already tight grip. You wondered if you'd ever be hugged like this again now that you didn't have a boyfriend. Whenever your ex did decide to hold you like this, it wasn't often.

Sleep took over your body as his warmth may have reminded you too much of your sheets, and the comfort of your bed. Maybe he reminded you of home.

"... Was that too much?" You murmured against the chestpiece of his suit. He shook his head, not wanting to see your expression just yet. Your frown and your trembling lips broke his heart.

"I think I'm tired." Dick took that to heart and picked you up with ease, walking over to your balcony door and stepping in. "Oh- so you're just gonna manhandle me then?" You declared eyes half-lidded from exhaustion. For a second, he was worried he had crossed a boundary. "Well, I'm okay with that." Now he wasn't so worried.

Dick chuckled as he placed you down on your bed, turning off the light beside you and moving to exit your apartment. He stopped in his tracks as he heard you groan. "Wait, come back..! Stay with me. Please?" He turned around to see you pouting on your bed, knowing you were trying your absolute best to extract pity out of him to make him stay.

"It'll be my first night in three years without a warm body sleeping next to me; you're really gonna leave a guy hanging?" He rolled his eyes as you played the break-up card, waltzing over with a defeated look on his face. You on the other hand, had adorned an expression of joy.

"You regret stopping by my balcony, don't you?"

"... Far from it, actually."

[lunchtimebedamned1997]

Arcane S2 thoughts

(spoilers, obviously)

Most of this was sent to my friend Penn @pennedinblood in discord first, but I wanted to share it + some more on here too.

Okay, I now that its been a couple days and I've had time to think properly, have some thoughts about Arcane. This isn't going to be as specific and nuanced as I'd like, but I'll need more time for something like that.

Here's the thing... What we did get was good and I liked it a lot - for the most part anyway - but like - it wasn't a very good finale imo...

Like -

In season one they had this just fucking masterful foundation for such a nuanced discussion of class and oppression, of the cycle of violence, of how desperate acts may seem evil to some but are not always as simple as they seem and that one person's actions may influence the narrative but that it is the systems in place - and the willingness to follow systems that harm a disproportionate amount of the population for personal gain - that are the real issue. There were no real villains in s1 imo. It was just people making good, bad, or neutral choices, and they all interconnected and effected not only the plot, but the audiences' understanding of the corrupt system in place.

It forced you (if you're paying attention) to understand with visceral understanding both those of the oppressed and the oppressors; and in the midst of all of that we had magic and science interplaying beautifully against the good and greed of mankind.

AND just vast, resonant, deep interpersonal connections and development that you could feel in your bones.

and then in season two... we just kind of went - 'fuck that here's jesus and a witch ~~~ Magic war tiiime' Like?????

It touched on a few themes for sure, and what Jayce had to say to Viktor about disability and the purpose of people, or the value in imperfection and the point of life - as someone who's struggled with their health and other personal things I don't want to get into on the internet, that hit so hard. I hated Jayce in S1, and he won me over in act one of this season and just - didn't let me down. His arc was beautiful and I really really appreciate it. His connection with Viktor means so much to me. screeches into the void

But lets be so fucking real - they kind of (majorly) chickened out of their mass commentary on the opposing classes and working towards a better system that doesn't harm its people. and instead like - Vi's arc got completely fucked?

Like - oh okay so you ditched everything you were going to say and just made her a strong war pawn who can hit good and is gay coolcoolcool (sobs). Like, act one was so promising it really felt like it was following up on everything they had been working towards, and i loved seeing Vi having to make hard choices; watching her become an enforcer as the only way she could think of to deal with two disparate parts of herself - one that needed to put an end to the monster she feels like she created (Jinx, obvi), and one that desperately needed to hold onto the only person she had left (Caitlyn).

And Cait's devolvement into fascism was so intriguing and dark and I hated it in a good way, yk? Like I was like "oh fuck they made Cupcake unrecognizable in a fucking believable way wtf that's rad bro"

And then in act two they were just like 'HAHA lets not show you anything but the highlights of Vi's inner tumoil, then - wow look Jinx is here to tell her about Vander! - let's just never actually take a hard look into Vi's issues or personal arc ever again teehee - oh! And Cait's on our side again yay!' Like EXCUSE ME???

Vi had stood as one of the most important characters in the entire show. She is the linchpin between Piltover and Zaun - one of only two hinges that connects the two cites (the other being Viktor to a far lesser degree bc his roots are never explored, Singed is the only undercity person we see him go back to interact with, etc etc leaving Vi to be the only 'real one') And they completely sidestepped that - especially how she's also so connected to Ekko and the Firelights - which was just - never touched again - Ekko didn't even get to fix his tree! I get it, bigger fish but ffs - it's not a blaming character thing, it's a writing issue. I understand why Ekko had to focus on smth besides his tree lmao - it's that the writers just dropped this thing that stood so strongly for Ekko's fucking roots man (pun intended). Like - He's representing what Vander wanted to do. What Zuan could be. He is literally making a part of Zaun beautiful and supportive, and standing resolute against the system and saying "both of you are wrong, back tf up and lets talk" and they just got rid of that. I think it says a lot that that in particular was punted into the void.

I'm just not over that we never got to see him and Vi interact again dude wth - and I feel like that really speaks to how much they removed Vi from her point and purpose in S1. It would make sense if she needed more time to reconnect -esp after how Cait betrayed her - but to never actually talk again? Just glimpsing each other in the finale?

Don't get me wrong, I loved some of the time-suckers this season. Mel for one (who I also wasn't a huge fan of in S1 (I didn't trust her lol)). Everything with Mel, Vik, and Jayce was sooo interesting, and Ambessa was a great villain. She was imposing and horrible and yet there were very small parts of her that you could understand - but there wasn't enough time. Not with everything else we were also touching. Not without loosing so much of what we had been working towards. And even with the large focus, The Black Rose was this jumbled mess of ideas that didn't really amount to much besides giving Mel a powerup and probably leading us into the spinoff :(

I've been having trouble processing all of this because I'm shocked and upset because narratively, I didn't like it.

And I HATE that I didn't like it. I liked the individual scenes. I liked the concepts at play. But none of it was fleshed out!

That impeccable no-crumbs-left writing was suddenly nothing but crumbs. A whole feast of them. Nothing was really held together and it left each arc feeling like a separate vaguely-connected vignette rather than a whole story - let alone a satisfying conclusion to the previous season.

I'm genuinely angry because I wanted so badly to love this season but I just don't; not as a whole, not as an ending. Again, the individual moments were largely great, but good moments don't make a good story.

I just feel like they were trying too hard to serve LoL lore. Originally Arcane wasn't cannon-compliant with the messy lore of the game, and then a few months ago they came out and said that it was now considered canon - and I was excited bc I thought that meant that whatever they did would influence League - but I was wrong. I think it's very clear that Canonizing Arcane had the opposite effect. I think it's why they chickened out of their societal commentary - I think it's why the Champion deaths were so 'no body, no proof'. I think that it undercut all the stakes for the writers and made them forced to bend to the will of a lot more oversight from the higher-ups at Riot.

I don't know guys, how are you feeling? I'm really glad we got CaitVi cannonized (but I have things I wanna say about that too, esp. how their sex scene played into the sidestepping of Vi's arc (not that it happened, but the way it did - I can talk more about this another time lmao)) and I loved getting a timebomb kiss (again more Vi arc things I wanna say *sobbing and gnawing on my cage bars*) but yeah - anyway I gotta stop typing before I get too into-the-weeds of my thoughts. I'll probably make a big post about the specifics of how I feel they fucked up Vi's story in another post bc I clearly can't let it go XD

But fr tell me ur thoughts too pls I want to know what you thing even if - maybe even especially if - you disagree with me :3

Idk I've got to rewatch it.

It wasn't bad TV, it's still better than most things coming out right now... I hate that I can't just love it entirely rn raaaaaaahhh auhfalwoiha (help D':)

[purgaytorysupremacy]

oh nuts. a life experience has given me a new layer of perspective on Cas's homosexual declaration of love to Dean.

recently I had occasion to tell a person I had feelings for them knowing full well they didn't feel even a twinge of the same thing for me. while the whole thing was a decidedly unpleasant experience, I kept laughing at myself internally bc I didn't want to say "the happiness is just in saying it" like fucking Castiel over here. (we don't need to talk about it, it's fine.) (I am happier having said it and it's kind of bullshit, but I digress.)

because the thing is, the happiness isn't in just saying it, right? the happiness is in the having. I made a whole TikTok "proving" that the Empty didn't come for Cas when he confessed his love, but rather when he realized Dean loved him back. even for Cas, the happiness was in the having, not in the saying, however brief it was.

and I've always been one of those people who rolled their eyes at the whole concept. why would the happiness be in just being, in just saying it, if it's right there in front of you to have. and then it hit me like a tonne of bricks (as I was washing my kitchen counters).

Cas really didn't think he could have Dean.

at all. in any capacity. he really, truly, and honestly felt to the depths of himself that Dean did not have any twinge of similar feelings, that this really was a Hail Mary shot-in-the-dark. and I think me, personally, really didn't understand that about Cas. that his belief in his love being unrequited was that unshakable.

something else I've been pondering is how audiences have so much more empathy for fictional characters who share traits that IRL they find objectionable and unappealing. but the thing is about fictional characters is that we follow them around in their most private, vulnerable moments. we see Dean mourning Cas when he dies, literally killing himself because he can't live without him, but it's so easy to forget that we're the omniscient ones here.

Cas never knew.

Dean's whole thing was pushing him away, keeping him at arm's length, making it seem like whatever heroic thing he does for Cas he'd do for anyone. he downplays how important it is for Dean to share the Deancave with him, to show him his favourite movies, share his favourite songs. he acts like the things Cas does for him don't mean that much to hide how much they do mean. he uses "we" whenever he even gets in the vicinity of expressing a feeling. "We were worried." "We're glad you're back." "We needed a win." "You're our brother." The audience knew the difference. We saw how he'd clench his jaw or swallow hard or make a face that said "God, I'm being such an idiot". Because we saw him in those little moments. We got to see the cracks in the mask.

but Cas never knew.

the self-hating angel of Thursday was never going to think it was all a way for Dean to protect himself. obviously, that's the delicious tragedy of it all, but what I think I realized at the end of all that is Cas confessing his love to a Dean who didn't love him back wouldn't have worked. Because the happiness really is in the having. If happiness was just in saying it, then The Empty would have come before Cas even finished getting the words out of his mouth.

so Cas's plan wouldn't have worked if Dean didn't love him back.

this is just me yapping on about my own nonsense, but I do think it's really interesting. there's contentment in "just saying it". there's freedom and relief and an unburdening. I think one can argue that it makes being happy in the being easier. there is certainly some joy in telling a person you think that highly of them. but true happiness?

nah.

true happiness is always going to only be in the having. Cas didn't understand the difference until he experienced it, and by then, it was too late.

[hello-universe-lovers]

im back lol i enjoyed your answers too much so im here to give you more brainrot

24. (Explore) What’s a moment in the game that disturbed/ freaked you out the most?

25. (Explore) What’s a moment in the game that emotionally destroyed you?

27. (Explore) How did you come across this game?

((Aww thanks for liking my answers. I rarely get asks here so it's a nice welcome. Plz do send me more of this I really love to make my brain think

To the answers (uhh, potential spoilers)

24. Most disturbing/freaked out moment? And 25. Moment that emotional destroyed me?

(Put em together bc these scenes fucked me up as well as made me think)

Uhhh...ok, this one is hard, mainly bc I don't play slay the princess. I got into it via YouTube and Tumblr, so a lot of stuff got spoiled for me before I even watched proper gameplay. There really isn't any personally terrific scene for me. So imma talk about some scenes/routes that make me think too hard.

- The Moment of Clarity, all of it: You have fucked up. Like fr. When you get into the grit of this route out, you get a really fucked up story of how destructive the princess can be. This, to me, is the Princess at her worse. More so than the Razor, to me. And it's all your fault. You saw the red flag with the Nightmare, you didn't take it, and now here you are. Plus the voices in the Long Quiet breaking down and welcome death rather than be scared, and with the option to comfort them, it's...bittersweet.

- "We are a path in the woods": That.was.fucked! I didn't know the Wild existed/what she was before actually watching gameplay and the idea of becoming one on a cellular level, just like what Larry and Shifty used to be? Uhhhh, it tingles my spine in both bad and good ways. But I also LOVE the symbolism of that. How the damage is done, Shifty herself even admits to that, so they inevitably spit, willing or not and it's up to Larry and the Princess to make amends, or end it for good. The wild in general is one of those routes where you would want Larry to be kind...but if he stabs her, it's understandable, rather than being needlessly cruel.

- The Dining Scene from HEA: I don't need to say a lot, as a lot of my points have already been said by others. But that table, it hits a fear of mine, and ironically the Narrator's too, which is a stagnant world where nothing you do matters bc there is no longer value in the time you have on this earth. Sure I see it for what it means in universe, but out of universe, I was left pausing the video i was watching to just...think about it. Think about that fear, the anxiety, the implications of the Voice's power, and the Damsel saying "its finally over..." after being stabbed hit me like a boulder. And really, that's what I like about this game, it makes me THINK.

27. How I got into the game?

Funny enough, I had a StP phase years ago, but I kept it mostly to mutuals and myself bc to me, StP seems like a sophisticated game with a lot to say, and ya gurl who likes the fandom side of things didn't felt like she could add to that conversation. It felt like there were too many things, all good things, to keep track of and what i do would feel like a disservice to the source material. That was until the Pristine cut came out, and suddenly StP was back on my feed. With some probing from friends and some years to personally grow, I am a changed woman now. I felt confident engaging in what you can take from this game with its symbolism and meanings, as well as pushing disembodied voices together like playing house. I love both sides of it and I hope to see more of it. So thanks Tumblr, you got me to warm up to this love story

[iztea]

They still feel off specially the eyes i could feel them about to manifest their own life and run off

Even my linework is ... Idk what's wrong and it's the problem maybe I'm staring too much but I don't think so

Sorry for bothering alot but i loved your last advice ty

i think the main problem with the first picture has to do with the proportions and anatomy of the lower body area aka the neck and shoulders. i'd make the shoulders wider and add some sort of form to the neck so that it looks believable instead of a flat rectangle shape ( maybe make it slimmer a bit too? although that might be just a stylistic choice so you do you). That's the first thing i'd fix because otherwise the head looks too big in comparison to the rest of the body, and it can throw you off

I actually think you did a great job with the eyes, they have a lot of life and that comes from the fact that they are the most rendered part of your piece, which is not a bad thing. The thing is, while it is true that the eyes are the main focal point of a face and portrait in general, that doesn't mean you can neglect the other parts, so i think it is also a consistency issue or not figuring out exactly what sort of style or rendering you want to go with that holds you back (which is totally fine and normal ofc). So let's pick a semi-realistic stylized rendering style for this since this is the vibe i'm getting from this piece.

If that's the style we're going for, then the face should have a bit more form. You have to remember that our facial features ( eyes, nose, lips) are connected with each other via the planes of the face, right? So, for a semirealistic style, revisit your reference and try to idenitify what those planes are and how they connect to those features, and most importantly, where the shadows hit, and just accentuate them more, because at the moment they look like 3rd forms plastered over a 2d surface which is not right, our skin has form as well. Color-wise, don't be afraid to go darker with the shadows, they really make your drawings pop. Without looking at a reference, i'd def add some shadow under the lips, a bit where the lips connect to the nose, under the neck, and in the lower body area.

I'm really trying to avoid the most basic answer which is " practice anatomy !!1! " because everyone can say that however, at the end of the day, this is the main thing the face lacks. And tbvh you don't have to actually know anatomy, you just gotta know some proportions things that make the face look believable enough. I feel like the features are mostly just drawn from the reference without an understanding of the structure behind it. Something tells me that in the reference picture, the person had their head tilted a bit upwards, but here it's kinda flat and the features are just painted without following the motion. Try to draw over your reference picture the vertical and horizontal lines and make up the head shape behind it to figure out the way it is tilting and facing, because the lips, eyes nose, etc will follow that same sort of flow, they're not stationary. I'd also make the eyes a bit smaller, or maybe make the skull bigger bc i think they are touching the outer edge too much now, and also narrow the distance between the nose and lips just a bit. Kinda hard to explain without actually doing it myself. But really, try to play with that, and try getting comfy with drawing 3d forms i know it's easier said than done but..... there really isn't any shortcut unfortunately As for the lineart drawing, yes it's actually pretty solid, i like that duplicate blur thing you did, i'm familiar with that technique and it def has its perks so that's great. Im not an expert on lineart, however here i think there are too many " unnecessary" lines that could easily be omitted (purple). Less is more and all that~ The hair strands at the end feel too stiff and identical (green). If you notice, they all just end in this " V" shape and they rarely overlap thus making the image look flat. Try to break this pattern by introducing more spontaneity aka random hairflies, making the strands overlap, adding more shape variety etc

Make sure that the lines connect properly whenever they meet, and also although you already did it and i think that's great, you can make some lines even thicker, go even further and add even more lineweight. As a general thing, usually, the exterior or contour lines are thicker and whatever it is inside is thinner so experiment with that, you can start from the nose- thicker lines for the nostrils thinner for that nose tip i forgot what it's called and also add thin lines that just hint at the form. Lineart is hardd so i don't blame you, but if you're gonna keep the lineart in, try "shading" with black blocks so to speak, make sure the lineart layer can stand on its own, and pay more attention to the lower part area (neck and shoulders) even if it is less exciting to ink