#polyamory saves lives. but if you have autonomy over your medical care and how you spend your time right now...

[crimeronan]

shoutout to this post i made almost three years ago. i wish i could go back in time and tell my slightly-younger self what a Time we were about to have. scrolling through the early days of my autoimmune tag is wild because past me is oversharing about my diagnoses and the fact that i might be dying and the fact that i keep finding eulogies instead of support groups when i look for community online, but i am...... not sick yet.

like. i definitely Think i'm sick, at the time. i am definitely tired and fevered and feel like shit, i'm using organ transplant reject drugs and having biopsies done and doctor's faces keep going gray when they see my skin and pharmacists keep giving me Terrible Pitying Looks when i fill my new scripts,

but i am not sick yet.

we have not yet explored the true event horizon of what it means to be sick. i am sick like most chronically fatigued spoonies online but.... i am going to learn a Lot more about how sick a body can really get.

anyway. i wish i could tell my slightly-younger self that we're about to lose the Entirety of our mid-twenties to illness. and we'll come out the other side blinking and confused and stumbling like a newborn lamb, feeling like we just went through a dark subway tunnel that folded us from one shore to the other, there's a void in the middle that's only accessible through the posts somebody made for all those years. someone made those posts with our hands. we sure don't remember them, though!

we won't feel any different than we did at 24 not just because we were inside for years due to a pandemic, but also because our brain was shutting down. we'll also feel like an entirely separate person from the 24-year-old self who didn't know yet what being sick was.

wish i could tell my slightly-younger self that now, as of writing this, when we're nearly 28, we'll be on the highest possible therapeutic dose of hydroxychloroquine, and that as long as we escape any rare medical complications from that, we'll be taking it for the rest of our life. wish i could tell them we're about to sacrifice three full years for the chance to live a whole, self-actualized life at the other end of hell.

wish i could tell her things are going to get way way way worse and then they're going to get a lot better. knocking on wood about it of course because there's always the chance of climate catastrophe or natural disasters or new illnesses or other calamities interfering with life plans. but if i don't jinx myself, i could tell her we've got the rest of 28 and 29 and then our 30s and 40s and beyond to be awake and happy and alive. we are still Young. losing a handful of years and having strange new lines around our eyes doesn't change that.

dunno what else to say here. i found this post a few weeks back in the "related posts" suggestions when looking at my own blog and it made me laugh aloud bc i was like. oh honey. ohhh honey. you don't even Know yet. you are going to be so different in three years and you're also going to be exactly the same.

i guess the conclusion here is that i can't tell my three-years-ago self what's coming but i can tell the chronically ill ppl following me: please for the love of GOD pursue diagnosis and treatment for your weird physical bullshit. sorry i know it sucks and hurts and is bad i know. doctors and the healthcare system are a nightmare to navigate, especially now w/ the medical sector collapsing in the wake of post-COVID problems, but you never know when your baseline of "i feel sick" is going to deteriorate Beyond Reckoning.

be kind to your future self. be kind to your past self. i don't want anybody else to learn what this kind of sickness feels like if they can avoid it.

anyone else ever have that chronic illness feel of like. yes i know people can get sick at any time and there are plenty of diseases you’re more likely to get if you’re UNDER 40 and many many many of the people in my social circle have chronic illnesses while being around my age but also. bro i am 24 come on

[jeanjauthor]

Gonna post the pics here and explain which ones I’d knock outta the running.  My reasons are ONLY my own opinion, and I admit in advance that others have their right to their own opinions as well, and that whatever I say about what I like & dislike, all of these categories are still valid for those who actually do like them...even if some of them I am just utterly sick of by now, or have what I think are genuine reasons to want those categories gone.

Anyway, caveats over, on with the fun...which I will put behind a cut to save everyone’s dashboards!

Trapped Together. Only One Bed. Marriage Of Convenience. Fake Relationship.

...Of course they start this off with the hardest one to choose to get rid of, because I love all of these.  I think, however...that “Only One Bed” and “Trapped Together” are pretty darn close.  Marriage of Convenience is not the same thing as Fake Relationship--it’s an actual relationship with an actual committment at some level on both sides--so those both have to stay.

Only One Bed, that one presumes they actually like each other at least enough to travel together, so that’s a bonus, but Trapped Together doesn’t guarantee even a smidge of that; they’re forced together...

Damn this is hard.  I really like the “oh no, only one bed, and we’ll have to share it!” trope...but Trapped Together could include that...plus it has more plot possibilities.

So I’m going to vote out Only One Bed, even though it goes against my plotline principles normally.

The next one is this:

Tortured/Scarred.  Cinnamon Roll. Alpha.  Playboy/Rake.

Tortured/Scarred needs more love, because there are a lot of people in the world who are indeed tormented & injured / unlovely / disabled.  I do wish the disability aspect would stop being used as inspiration pr0n but people are getting better about that, at least.

Cinnamon Roll is a keeper, too.  Truly good, or rather, Good™, characters need to be celebrated, protected, and promoted as an ideal role model...provided there’s someone in their lie who can and does keep an eye out (cynical eye) for Bad Things And Bad People™, because perpetual innocence is ridiculously unreal...but it’s 100% valid to have a hopeful heart and a kind nature.

As for Alpha and Playboy/Rake...I’m sick of both.  And it’s difficult as to which one to toss out, because they both have their downsides.  “Alpha Males” tend to be bullies and abusers and manipulative self-centered assholes. I’ve read far too many of those stories where they literally kidnap women and refuse to return them to their homes / families / homeworlds (scifi or fantasy), etc.  But on the other hand, Playboys & Rakes perpetuate the “rich = right” and “money means you can grab them by the p***y, they just let you do it” mentality.

Right now, I am far too angry at T & Co, and the oligarchs keeping them in power.  And I am also reminded that Nalini Singh (we have the same editor, squee!) has a FANTASTIC universe, the psy-changeling universe, where Alphas are actually kind, caring, loving, protective, and NOT bullies toward their own people, including their own mates.  (Usually, but the few that were a bit bullying learned better!)

So I’m going to ditch the Playboy/Rake mindset, because we need to stop thinking the rich can get away with anything.  I mean, have you SEEN 2020??

*ahem*  Next...

Turgid. Moist. Thrust. Plunge.

Part of me really dislikes moist (though not Moist, the character from Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog) as a word...but on the other hand, lubrication is always a good thing to have.  Turgid is a bit old-fashioned, but at the same time it is an accurate word.  Thrust is a bit, well, stabby.  Plunge makes me think of swimming pools, not lovemaking.  (Or possibly stopped up toilets, ugh.)

Mkay, this is another difficult one, but...I think...rrrgh, had to change my mind. I think I’ll do away with moist, so long as “lubrication = a very good thing” is still implied somewhere in the descriptions for lovemaking.

Next!

Instalove.  Roommates. Friends With Benefits. Just A Fling.

I’m not fond of Just A Fling, since it implies a lack of emotional & at least some mental intimacy.  But Instalove also does the same, and it’s trying to tell readers that infatuation = abiding love...when that often isn’t the case.

I’ve lived long enough to learn that infatuation is great, but rarely turns into an abiding love, because we rarely teach how to turn infatuation into an abiding, long-lasting love.

For these reasons, I love Roommates and Friends With Benefits, because you already know (or are getting to know) each other’s bad habits and other potentially annoying quirks...and yet you fall in love anyway, while knowing those things.  That sort of journey has a lot more of the patience, understanding, and willingness to compromise on all sides that makes long-term love a genuine thing.

Just A Fling implies they know each other a bit more, or can get to know each other a bit more as they fall for each other.  And yes, Instalove IS a thing, I’m not deying that...but you have to make the follow-up efforts to turn it into lasting love.  I think it has more of an incentive to make those efforts than Just A Fling does...and it’s possible for Just A Fling to fit under Instalove (though it’ll be a bit of a squeeze) so I’m ditching Just A Fling.

On to the next quartet:

Enemies To Lovers. Forbidden Love. Unrequited Love. Second Chance.

A couple toughies in this one.  Forbidden love...we still don’t have marriage & relationship equality, so that one’s staying right where it is, as it’s an analogy of how love should triumph over bigotry.

I’m more torn on the other three.  Second Chance...sometimes there are good reasons to not give someone a second chance.  Abusers can be very charming, and make all sorts of sweet-talking promises.  Sometimes, however, two people are just in the wrong stage of life to make a go of it.

Unrequited Love runs the risk of crossing over into the ‘tragically friendzoned’ bullshit which is only viewing the narrative from that one person’s perspective.  This is not to say that unrequited love is only ‘friendzoned through rose-colored glasses’, which it isn’t, but it is potentially problematic, unless it’s just another take on Friends To Lovers.

Enemies To Lovers has a lot of potential, but it needs to be realistic potential.  Not just a “Hey, let’s pit the Hulk versus Thor, get ‘em mad at each other for no other reason than action sequences & giggles!” sort of plotless nonsense, but a genuine “these two have more in common than they ever realized, AND their antipathy hasn’t crossed into unforgivable awfulness toward each other territory.”

I think that Second Chance is going to have to be set aside.  It was either that or Unrequited Love, but while Friends To Lovers can cover Unrequited Love...I really, reallydon’t want to send the message that “it’s okay to reunite with your abusive ex.”  ...See?  I can’t even write it without striking that “okay” out.  It’s NOT okay.  It never will be.

Secret Relationship. Secret Billionaire. Secret Baby. Secret Royal.

I’m fine with Secret Relationships...unless it’s cheating/adultery, in which case oh hell no. (Remember, I am polyamory-friendly, but polyamory ≠ cheating!!)  But otherwise it’s fine.

Secret Baby sets my teeth on edge a little, because one should know about babies. The body bearing it has the right to choose to continue bearing it or withdraw consent, because we SHOULD have more rights to bodily autonomy than goddamn corpses, but mostly it’s a case of there’d better be A Damn GOOD Reason™ for hiding this child, robbing them of a presumably loving parent’s love for X period of time.

I’m very much anti-oligarchy, but to be honest, I’m much more inclined to believe a secret billionaire has run away to live a normal life (such as the child of a manipulative asshole running away from association with all that) than I am to believe in Secret Royalty anymore.  It’s just...it’s overdone.  it’s like HOW MANY DUKES EXISTED in the Regency era??  It’s lost its believability potential that’s all.  So out with the Secret Royal (for now)!

Mistaken Identity. Amnesia. In Disguise. In Peril.

Amnesia. Kicking that one out the door right away.  It’s overdone, it doesn’t work the way it’s most often displayed, and I just know too much about the actual medical condition to enjoy it.

Mind you, pretending to have Amnesia is fine! That’s “In Disguise” right then & there, lol...but no, the other three tropes are far better than that old rag.  *tosses it away!*

Duke. Cowboy. Tycoon. Athlete.

...You’d think that from my rant above regarding Secret Royals, I’d kick out Duke as a category. I won’t.  I just want to see Dukes (and other nobility titles) in other eras than just Regency and/or modern.  So overdone in those eras, but not in others.

Athletes...I’m not into sports.  I’m not a sporty-sport type.  I don’t read those books so I don’t know how overdone the tropes are, though I’ve only noticed them coming into prominence in fanficdom in the last ten to fifteen years, with the HP fandom being big on quidditch-based fanfic stories.

Now, Cowboys are a bit overglamorized, but...they’re working class types, and if you get some actual honest work-on-the-farm or work-on-the-ranch scenes in there, and it’s believable? That’s still okay.

Tycoons are overused, too...but unlike Billionaires, you can be a Tycoon in a lot of different ways.  Sometimes via money, sometimes via some sort of monopoly--like the company that owns the company store, town, people, etc.  Still...being a tycoon means you (or your family) has done something to monopolize money, business, property, etc...and I despise the oligarchy.  So since most tycoon stories don’t talk about paying employees above a livable wage, or constantly improving the living conditions in the company-owned town, etc...fuq ‘em.  *punts them outta town, covered in tar & feathers*

(I never said I’d be consistent, just that these are my opinions per category group.  I’m evaluating every quartet solely against its fellow members, even if I reference other groups or categories.)

Flick. Pierce. Spear. Breach.

...Unless these are in reference to combat, only Flick should remain, because the others all make me think of combat more than lovemaking.  However...that being said, we’re only supposed to discard just the one, so I think I’ll get rid of Breach.

Why Breach?  The bullshit misogyny of virginity culture, and the absolute anatomical awfulness of writers who don’t know where the goddamn hymen is.

...i could go into a very long rant about where the hymen is, what it’s shaped like, why it doesn’t have to be torn and spurt oodles of visible blood when you’re making love for the first time, blah blah blah--and why if you do get that happening, you 1. haven’t taken care of your partner’s needs AT ALL, and 2. clearly have never heard of lubrication, and 3. ARE SEVERELY INJURING YOUR PARTNER, wtf is sexy about THAT??--but I’ll digress and simply say that virginity is utter bullshit, patriarchal and misogynistic BULLSHIT, and it needs to go away!

Kthxbai!

Blackmail. Revenge. Bully. Kidnapped.

...Can we do away with all of these?

...No?

...Just get rid of one only?

...Dammit.

Ummm...if these are -between- the love interests, blackmail has to have a really good plot reason behind it, but there are a few conceivable ones.  Revenge, too.  Gotta have a good reason behind it.

Bullying is not something I care for at all, got that too much as a kid, and that shit HURTS.  It takes a lot to forgive a bully all the horrible things they did, and if it’s a case of “they’re only bullying you because they love you and this is how they show it” that shit is NASTIER, because it’s the “you should put up with being abused because it’s how he shows he loves you.”  OH HELL NO.

Kidnapped...nope.  That’s the Bad version of Alpha bullshit I don’t like either.  Though as with Blackmail, there has to be a solid reason AND there has to be some atonement for the kidnapping, PLUS TIME AWAY FROM EACH OTHER, and time spent getting to know each other in a non-Stockholm Syndrome non-Lima Syndrome sort of way...

I think we’ll get rid of Bullying, even though part of me really wants to ditch Kidnapping...if only because of the message listed above is NOT the message that should be absorbed by anyone.

Pirates. Medieval. Highlander. Regency.

Medieval and Highlander both still have a BROAD range of eras they can choose from, literal hundreds of centuries, plus Medieval can mean much more than just the British Isles for its setting...and you could have a Highlander traveling to Hungary or Italy or wherever.

Regency on the one hand is overdone and has been overdone quite a lot.  I’d love to see something else, BUT at the same time I acknowledge it’s a much-beloved juggernaut.  Just...tone down the numbers of Dukes and Earls for the love of population distribution statistics, and I’ll be much happier!

Pirates...are kinda fun on the one hand...but also an over-glamorization of horrible people doing horrible things for a living, on the other.  I’d only keep Pirates as a category if you PROMISED to do some non-European pirates...and since that’s not likely to happen... *flicks the Pirates off their own plank*

(I hate having to do that as I’m a proud Birate, but it’s not quite the same thing, so...oh well!)

Dragons. Wolves. Vampires. Bears.

*kicks Vampires off the plank as well*

Wolves are almost overdone as a trope, but vampires jumped the shark tank long ago, so I’m sure they’ll be fine after walking the plank, right?

There still aren’t enough Dragon stories, Wolves may be a little overdone with the ABO stuff, but there are so many other possibilities that could be explored, and Bears are an excellent example of exploring other shapeshifter types.  (No Dragons in Nalini Singh’s psy-changeling books, but there ARE changeling wolves and changeling bears, and remember, they have awesome Alphas who are actually NOT douchebags!)

Needs more Changecats or Werecats or whatever, but that’s just me.

Sexy Space. Sexy Time Travel. Sexy Apocalypse. Sexy Fantasy.

Ditch the Sexy Apocalypse.  There’s no such thing.  It’s an oxymoron.  An apocalypse is the opposite of sexy, because everything is being destroyed.

There’s plenty of Sexy Fantasy, but there’s always room for more.  There’s almost as much Sexy Time Travel, and plenty of eras & places left to be explored. And there is not enough Sexy Space stories. (Tho’ I’m working on that!)

But ditch the Apocalypse stuff. It’s just not sexy at all.

Royal & Lionheart. Beauty & Beast. Celebrity & Bodyguard. Warrior & Bard.

Not enough Warrior & Bard stories, definitely keeping that one!

Beauty & Beast is a bit overdone, but it sends a good message about how external beauty standards and external beauty tropes are overrated.

However...I’ll confess I’m not familar with Royal & Lionheart.  If it means royalty and the strong right arm that defends them, the head of the armies falling in love with the head of state...then I’m fine with that, not enough of that. (Seriously, this is the first time I’ve heard of this one.)

So I guess we’ll ditch Celebrity & Bodyguard...because that’s 1. an unequal balance of power between employer and employee, and 2. falling for the person you’re trying to protect means your thoughts are not going to stay on the job nearly enough of the time.  That could put your client in serious danger...and that’s a trope I don’t want to encourage as “emulation-worthy.”

Slow Burn. Angst. Fluff. Mutual Pining.

Slow Burn can be frustrating if not done right...but I love Fluff, and Mutual Pining has some serious Comedy of Errors potential.  Seriously, who doesn’t love a good comedy? (So long as there’s a good resolution, of course.)

I’ve had too rough a year, however, to want Angst around right now.  It can come back later, but...sorry, Angst, there’s the door.  *gently shows Angst to the door*  Come back in half a year, mkay?

...

That’s the last of the trope groupings!  Feel free to play with this one yourselves.