#thorklet

[ao3feed-thorki]

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/SdgMCUc MorganEAshton

by MorganEAshton

A collection of ficlets originally written and posted on Twitter, based on single-word prompts from others.

Yearn: [116 words] Thor pays attention.

Exception: [129 words] Some rules are made to be broken.

Resignation: [551 words, Human AU] Thor shutters the family business without permission.

Enchanted: [782 words, College AU] Loki may or may not have magic powers.

Homecoming: [739 words, MCU canon-divergence] The brothers pay a visit to Jotunheim.

Relief: [476 words, Implied MCU canon-divergence] Thor makes--and remembers--a mistake.

Words: 1583, Chapters: 4/6, Language: English

Series: Part 1 of Twitter Thorklets

Fandoms: Thor - All Media Types

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel), Sif (Marvel), Warriors Three (Marvel), Laufey (Marvel)

Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)

Additional Tags: Fic Collection, all very short, all very tame

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/SdgMCUc

[ao3feed-thor]

Twitter Thorklets

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/PxVGcWu

by MorganEAshton

A collection of ficlets originally written and posted on Twitter, based on single-word prompts from others.

Yearn: [116 words] Thor pays attention.

Exception: [129 words] Some rules are made to be broken.

Resignation: [551 words, Human AU] Thor shutters the family business without permission.

Enchanted: [782 words, College AU] Loki may or may not have magic powers.

Homecoming: [739 words, MCU canon-divergence] The brothers pay a visit to Jotunheim.

Relief: [476 words, Implied MCU canon-divergence] Thor makes--and remembers--a mistake.

Words: 2798, Chapters: 6/6, Language: English

Series: Part 1 of Twitter Thorklets

Fandoms: Thor - All Media Types

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel), Laufey (Marvel), Eir (Marvel), Eir is only in here briefly, but she's so underrepresented I thought I'd mention her anyway

Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)

Additional Tags: Fic Collection, all very short, all very tame, talk of heat stroke in the last chapter

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/PxVGcWu

[hjbender]

News anchor/journalist Loki and meteorologist/storm chaser Thor AU

They are forced to work together to make a year-long documentary series on catastrophic weather, particularly tornadoes.

They could not be more different. Loki lives in the city in a nice high rise apartment; Thor lives in a camper and has no permanent address. Loki enjoys quiet, orderly atmospheres, a cup of tea and a book, modern jazz. Thor enjoys atmospheres that are exploding with lightning and thunder, takeaway meals and energy drinks, and classic rock.

They are night and day. 

They spend an entire spring in the American Midwest, crammed together in Thor's armored, tornado-proof SUV, chasing storms, witnessing the destructive forces of nature, and nearly getting killed a few times. It's the most unbearable, exciting time of Loki's life. 

He finds Thor offensively handsome but far too reckless and unstable. A pity, really; he’s got a good heart, a nice body, and he’s single (and proudly, openly bi). He’s the ideal man... or the perfect storm, in Loki's case. 

Thor thinks Loki is too “high-maintenance” and uptight (but still pretty cute). If only he would loosen up a bit, they might get along better. He teases him, but Loki just blushes and looks the other way, muttering things like “Let’s just focus on doing our jobs, shall we?” 

The sexual tension builds but neither one dares to make the first move, convinced that they’re both completely incompatible with one another. And really, where could this go? They live in two separate worlds. One has his head in the clouds, the other has his feet firmly on earth. 

After a dangerously close call with an EF-4 tornado one day, Loki gets out of the SUV, declaring that he's going to hitchhike back to the city because he can't bear another moment of... this.

It's a half-lie. He just wants to see if storms are the only thing Thor will chase.

Thor indeed chases after him in the pouring rain, apologizing and promising not to be so reckless. Loki marches on. Thor catches him by the wrist and pulls him into his arms.

Against a backdrop of churning purple clouds and lightning flashes, they kiss each other ravenously.

That night they end up in a little motel on the Oklahoma/Kansas border, drying their clothes and having marathon sex while keeping one eye on the radar, just in case.

Thor, for all his wildness, proves himself to be a tender lover. Loki is the wild one in bed.

A year later, the documentary ends up being a huge success, mostly because of the two co-hosts who complement each other. They make a good team.

The series wins several awards and the producers ask Thor and Loki if they would be willing to do another season or two.

By the time Season 3 of Thunder Chasers rolls around, Loki is wearing jeans and baseball caps, Thor is listening to jazz, and they have a shared “battle cry” when they begin chasing a storm.

Oh, and their wedding rings have lightning bolts and storm clouds etched on them, too.

🌩️

[mischievous-thunder]

CHUBBY THORKLETS

Yes! A million times yes! Loki's so overprotective of them and hardly allows anyone near them, sometimes not even Thor. Maternal instincts make him softer, gentler and so full of love.

~

Loki: My little beans! Aww so cute! Squishy squishy!

Thor: Loki, please, let me hold one of them at least?

Loki, poking the babies' cheeks gently: No. You'll squeeze them too hard.

Loki: SO CUTE!

Thor: *Sighs defeatedly*

[ao3feed-lokiangst]

Maternal

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2XfQRJm

by hjbender

Loki bonds with his new baby.

Words: 1782, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 10 of Thorklets

Fandoms: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel), Loki's Children (Marvel)

Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Intersex Loki (Marvel), Pregnant Loki (Marvel), Mpreg, Pregnancy, Motherhood, Childbirth, Babies, Breastfeeding, Lactation, Bonding, Explicit Sexual Content, Milking, Daddy Kink, Vaginal Sex, Tumblr Ask Box Fic, Originally Posted on Tumblr

read it on the AO3 at http://bit.ly/2XfQRJm

[ao3feed-frigga]

The Blossom and the Bumblebee

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2YK851Y

by hjbender

This is the story of a shy flower, a handsome bee, and the love that blossomed between them one spring.

Words: 2992, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 12 of Thorklets

Fandoms: Thor (Movies)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: Other

Characters: Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel), Frigga | Freyja (Marvel)

Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Fairy Tale, Flowers, Bugs & Insects, Anthropomorphic, First Meetings, Fairy Tale Elements, Fairy Tale Style, Mildly Dubious Consent, First Time, Loss of Virginity, Virgin Loki (Marvel), Sex Pollen, Eating, Mating, Interspecies Sex, Interspecies Romance, True Love, Angst and Tragedy, Temporary Character Death, Rebirth, Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Happy Ending

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2YK851Y

[ao3feed-buckybarnes]

Drawing Me Crazy

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2DDRbrP

by hjbender

Thor Odinson is the Chief of Police over a precinct of practical jokers. Loki is the young forensic sketch artist who has to work with them.

Words: 563, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Series: Part 8 of Thorklets

Fandoms: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Loki (Marvel), Thor (Marvel), Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes, Tony Stark, James Rhodes, Clint Barton, Natasha Romanov (Marvel)

Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel)

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Police, Office Romance, Age Difference, Humor, Explicit Sexual Content, Tumblr Prompt, Originally Posted on Tumblr

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2DDRbrP

[ao3feed-thorki]

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/3g9pJRW hjbender

by hjbender

A small collection of ficlets from Thorki Week 2020. Each chapter features a different prompt and image(s) made by yours truly.

Words: 1766, Chapters: 5/5, Language: English

Series: Part 13 of Thorklets

Fandoms: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Thor (Marvel), Loki (Marvel), Thanos (Marvel), Doctor Strange (Marvel)

Relationships: Loki/Thor (Marvel), Loki & Thor (Marvel)

Additional Tags: Pre-Thor (2011), Pre-Canon, Children, Sibling Rivalry, Brother/Brother Incest, Fix-It, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Human, First Meetings, Meet-Cute, Dating, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Fluff, Jotunn Thor (Marvel), Mpreg, Family, Jotunn | Frost Giant, Art, Animated GIFs, Thorki Week

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/3g9pJRW

[hjbender]

Hi, I know this is weird but... How does Loki feel when he breastfeeds his babies? And how does Thor react to it?

Trust me, anon, this is not the weirdest ask I’ve gotten, and I’m always up for a challenge.

Tagged: thorki, mpreg, intersex loki, nursing and lactation (non-erotic), babies, sex, adult nursing (erotic), lemon (nafw), 1700+ words

Motherhood has its moments.

Amidst the sleepless nights and soiled nappies, the physical aches and emotional pains, and the continuous accumulation of dirty laundry that makes Loki appreciate the palace waitstaff more than anyone else in Asgard, there are glowing moments of contentment that make it all worth it.

Of these moments, feeding his baby is what Loki treasures most. He can’t describe in words what a meaningful and tender experience it is for him—he, Loki Laufeyson, the Silvertongue, who once scoffed at sentimentality and rolled his eyes at romance. But now his heart overflows with the love Thor has given him, as well as love for his baby, this tiny new creature he and Thor have made together.

A full day passed after giving birth before Loki’s milk finally came in. He was wracked with worry the entire time, afraid that his pitifully small breasts would never yield and he would be forced to employ a wet nurse to feed his own child. He didn’t want to be a failure. He knew it was silly, that it wouldn’t make him any less of a mother if he couldn’t breastfeed, but he hated the thought that this confounded, dual-sexed body of his—the source of centuries of anguish and frustration—was so inadequate that it couldn’t even produce the food his child needed to survive.

All of his insecurities about his body magnified when he learned he was pregnant, and he feared about his capacity to be a good parent. Even Thor’s reassurances were of little comfort to him. His confidence had always been a delicate, fragile thing, especially where physical ability was concerned.

But the milk eventually came, and Loki shed tears of relief the first time he held Tjörvi to his breast and nursed him. Thor slipped a strong, comforting arm around Loki’s shoulder and kissed his head, more happy about Loki being happy than anything else.

To Loki, feeding his child is the gentlest, most tender and intimate thing he’s ever done. He carried this little thing in his belly for many months, where it was nourished and protected and kept warm without a conscious effort. Now he holds his child in his arms, this tiny, needy creature who must be fed and handled carefully and wrapped in blankets in order to survive. He is completely, utterly dependent upon Loki for everything, and it makes Loki ferociously protective.

And terribly anxious.

The worst of his worries have been quieted since he gave birth two months ago, and now experience—and Thor’s reliable assistance—is lending him the confidence he needs to let go of irrational fears and enjoy the lovely things that come with being a new mother. He likes caring for this soft, lovely little boy who is half him and half Thor, and every time he successfully soothes his baby’s hungry cries, he is reassured that, yes, he can do this.

Tjörvi, now two months old, is wailing in Loki’s arms. He’s tired and fussy and it’s been a long afternoon. Loki knows he will sleep better on a full stomach, so he obliges him. It’s a tactic he knows will work every time: feed Tjörvi, put him down for a nap, and enjoy a few hours of baby-free personal time.

Loki cradles him in one arm while he unfastens his tunic with his free hand. Sometimes he has to help Tjörvi find his way, but no assistance is needed today. Loki’s nipples are much darker now than before he was pregnant, standing out against the pale skin of his breast. Tjörvi stops sobbing and reaches out with chubby arms, grasping instinctively for his sustenance. Loki almost laughs at the sight of him, those teary blue eyes and his tiny mouth open wide. Loki lifts him up a little more, and soon he is firmly latched and sucking.

The silence is beautiful. Loki exhales and relaxes, enjoying its peacefulness. The warm, satisfying sensation of his nipple being gently pulled lulls him into a placid, drowsy state. He can feel his milk flowing out of him and the rhythmic bobbing of Tjörvi’s jaw as he swallows. The child almost seems to be in a trance, his eyes taking on a dreamy, glazed stare while one of his plump hands digs into Loki’s breast, the nails sharp as a kitten’s claws. Loki winces, gently unclamps the hand, and replaces the fistful of flesh with his finger. Much better.

He leans back in the chaise lounge with a smile on his face. There is physical pleasure that comes with nursing, a fluttery stirring inside him, but nothing sordid or salacious. He likes being able to provide for his son, to feed him with his own body. The sweet little caresses trigger a chemical response in his brain, flooding it with feelings of bliss and bonding and love of inexpressible depth. Loki welcomes them without shame.

I am here, darling, he thinks, ducking his head to kiss the back of Tjörvi’s tiny hand. I am here.

After Tjörvi has eaten his fill, Loki lifts him onto his shoulder and rubs his back for a few minutes, until he squeaks and lets out a tiny burp. Then he begins to nod off, just as Loki expected.

He carefully lays Tjörvi into the nearby cradle, tucks him in snugly, and pets the wispy hairs on his head until his blue eyes finally shut.

He straightens his back and fixes his hair, folds his tunic closed. He’s tying it in place when two strong, thick arms slide around his waist, halting him. A familiar masculine smell washes over him, and Loki grins. “Hello, dear.”

“Hello, pretty,” Thor answers, kissing the side of Loki’s neck.

His beard tickles. Loki suppresses a giggle. “How long have you been here?”

“A while. I heard the little one stop crying and came to check on you.” Thor smiles. “I do love watching you feed him. You look so beautiful and serene. Does it… how does it feel when you nurse him? Is it arousing?”

“Not quite,” Loki answers, gazing down into the cradle. “It’s not a sexual reaction, but it does feel good.”

Thor sneakily slips Loki’s tunic aside to bare his shoulder. He presses a kiss to the exposed skin. “What about when I do it? Is it different?”

“Hmm, indeed,” Loki purrs, and guides Thor’s hand to his right breast, the one from which Tjörvi had not suckled. “Very sensual.”

Thor grins and cups Loki’s soft, small breast in his hand. “Are you feeling sensual now?” Gently he gathers Loki’s nipple between his thumb and forefinger, applying pressure while gently pulling. A thick white drop of milk squeezes from the dark, erect nub.

Loki’s eyelids flutter and he releases a huff of air through his smiling lips. “Oh, yes. Yes, I am.”

Thor hums, the sound like thunder resonating through his broad chest. Loki can feel the vibrations in his back. “If you’re feeling a bit uneven, I offer my humble assistance.”

Loki shuts his eyes as Thor continues to tug his nipple, sending a trickle of warm milk rolling down the back of his hand. “Ahh…”

“You smell so good,” Thor murmurs, slipping his free hand around Loki’s hip and cupping his heavy cock. “Like flowers and milk. Sweet and... so maternal. You’re irresistible.”

Loki reaches down and places his hand over Thor’s, grinding his cock into Thor’s palm. “How quiet can you be?”

“Very quiet.”

“I’ve just put him down. If he wakes…”

“He won’t.” Thor slides Loki’s tunic off in a single motion; it lands on the rug in a crumpled heap. He begins kissing Loki’s neck. “You’re the screamer, remember?”

“I am not,” Loki hisses. Thor’s hands are on him, caressing the soft, stretched skin of his naked stomach. Then they dip down, into Loki’s trousers, and Loki bites his lip to keep from moaning.

He turns around and shoves Thor onto the chaise. Thor lands on a wooden music box and his face twists in a hilarious, bug-eyed look of surprise and pain. Loki covers his mouth and snorts with laughter. Thor digs the box out from under him and sets it on a nearby table. He pushes aside the fluffy nursing pillows and crocheted blankets and stuffed toys while Loki hastily removes his trousers. They’re stripped off in seconds and then Loki climbs astride Thor’s lap, kissing him earnestly while Thor fumbles to free himself from his pants.

Loki had stopped bleeding three weeks ago, a sign that he was healed from giving birth and was well enough to have sex. It had hurt a little the first time he and Thor had made love again, but he was getting better every day. They don’t even need to use lubricant now; Loki is wet and slick and ready. He can’t wait to sit on Thor’s cock again. 

 He sinks onto Thor in three smooth movements before planting himself squarely onto Thor’s broad thighs.

“Mmm,” he murmurs, relishing the deep stretch and the full feeling inside him, his body hugging Thor’s familiar shape and size. “Oh, I’ve missed you.”

Thor grunts and reclines on the chaise, pulling Loki down with him. He gathers Loki’s right breast in his hand and squeezes, catching the thin stream of milk in his mouth. He follows it to its source and plants his mouth on Loki’s nipple, then begins to suck.

Loki’s eyes flutter closed and he releases a shaky breath.

It’s a very different sensation from feeding his son. This is erotic and pleasurable, sexually stimulating and indulgent. With Tjörvi, it’s wholesome and gratifying, a sort of natural innocence. Both sensations are good. Both are shared with people he loves. But they are different. Explicitly, wonderfully different.

Thor suckles the milk from Loki’s breast until he has taken roughly the same amount as his son. Now Loki feels balanced again.

“That’s enough,” he says in a breathless hush, lifting himself away from Thor. His nipple pops out of Thor’s mouth with a clean, wet smack. He places his hands on Thor’s chest and clenches around his cock, clamping a hand to Thor’s mouth just as a loud moan begins to escape.

“Hush, daddy,” he whispers deviously, enjoying the half-lidded look of lust on Thor’s face. Loki begins to ride him, his hips rising and rolling with serpentine smoothness. “Don’t wake the baby.”

Thor whimpers. Loki can feel him smiling against his palm, the soft scrape of his beard and the warm, plush skin of his lips. And when he lifts his hand away to give Thor a kiss, he tastes the sweetness of his milk on Thor’s tongue.

Yes. Motherhood has its moments.

[hjbender]

What foods is pregnant mer!loki going to crave? Human foods that make thor set up treaties with humans? Or just sea foods? And will thor build a sea shell bra for Loki? Bc its pretty and I imagine he would be jealous of other fish looking at Loki.

Take a deep breath, anon, ‘cause we’re diving in 💦

Tagged: underwater domestic fluff, mpreg, pregnant sea snakes, ambisexual merfolk, interspecies sex, lemon, pregnant mersex, worldbuilding, merfolk biology, large cock, hemipenes, lactation kink, humor; 2090k words

After the discovery of Loki’s pregnancy, Thor began preparing in earnest for anything and everything leading up to that momentous day. His people, the dolphin folk, were prone to strange symptoms when they were pregnant, and food cravings were a common occurrence. He vowed to do his best to keep Loki comfortable and happy during this time.

Loki was unconcerned. He was a sea snake after all, not one of the Dolfolk, and he fully expected to bypass all of the odd behaviors Thor described. Considering how well-developed his babies looked when he first saw them swirling in green mist above his cauldron, he was probably well past those stages anyway.

But that wasn’t the case.

“My people carry their offspring for over a year,” Thor explained, stroking Loki’s belly as they lay tangled together in a soft, comfortable bed of sea ferns. “Considering how extraordinary ours will be, it might take even longer.”

Loki sat up with wide eyes. “An entire year?”

“At the very least.”

His pupils shrank into horrified slits.

Over a year being pregnant? He couldn’t possibly last that long! The six little hybrids he carried in his belly already appeared to be full term. He was expecting this to be a short pregnancy followed by a quick, easy birth. A few good pushes and splish splash sploosh, out pop six wriggling tadpoles who instinctively knew how to swim and scavenge and survive on their own. Not that Thor planned to let them do that. No, the Dolfolk raised their young and lived with them for most of their lives, Loki knew. They had large extended families and their social structure was close and complex.

Loki, on the other hand, had never met his parents or any of his siblings. The Serpenians were a solitary, self-sufficient race who came together only during mating season once every few years. Pregnancies lasted a mere couple of months, then they birthed their snakelets in shallow waters and promptly abandoned them, allowing them to make their own way. Some of the young fell prey to the many predators and dangerous things that lived in the sea. The survivors endured and reached maturity, forming the new generation. Serpenian babies were born tiny but they were hardy and full of instinct. There wasn’t cruelty or malice behind these traditions. It was simply the way of Loki’s people, how things had been done for millennia.

But the babies Loki carried weren’t entirely Serpenian. They were part Dolfolk and they certainly shared their father’s gift for harnessing electrical energy, even at this early stage in their development. It made Loki wonder; if his babies were already this developed, then what were they going to do until they were born?

The answer was grow. Grow, emit occasional bursts of bioelectric power, and make their mother’s hormones fluctuate more times per day than the tide.

At eight weeks, three-quarters of the way through a typical Serpenian pregnancy, Loki’s sex drive suddenly increased tenfold. Thor was tremendously pleased by this and was ready at any given moment to offer his body to appease Loki’s needs. He had always admired (and envied) Loki’s hemipenes, the impressive pair of organs that everted when he was aroused, but it was the sweet little slit below them that he truly loved to lavish with attention. It wept for over a week, constantly producing a slick mucus that aided their lovemaking and allowed Thor’s pointed, 18-inch prehensile cock to seat itself completely inside Loki, causing his belly to bulge with its mass.

In this state of carnal euphoria, Loki would remain coupled with Thor for hours at a time, his tail wrapped around Thor’s while his sheath clenched tightly and milked Thor’s seed from him, eliciting as many as a dozen orgasms in a single hour. Because Thor could move his penis at will, he was able to selectively seek out Loki’s many erogenous spots and repay the pleasure. It was especially titillating to see Loki’s belly shift with his organ’s movements. Loki both praised and cursed Thor for his beautiful, beastly anatomy, weak moans of ecstasy on his quivering lips.

But even in the throes of intercourse, he still managed to retain a maternal concern for his unborn offspring.

“Oh, Thor, the babies,” he panted, heaving lungfuls of bubbles into the water as Thor’s cock writhed ruthlessly inside him, hitting all of his sweet spots at once. “Don’t hurt the babies!”

“The babies are safe,” Thor murmured. He stroked Loki’s back soothingly and nuzzled his neck as they lay belly to belly with one another, rocking against the sandy seabed. “They are sealed in your womb, and your womb will protect them. Do not fear. I cannot harm them.”

Loki pulled back a little to look down at his stomach, his small bump tingling with electrical activity. “But I can feel them moving. They’re jumping and wriggling and there’s so mu—ah! So much energy they’re producing!”

“They are simply excited that their mother is excited,” Thor said with a breathless smile. “After you climax, they will settle down and sleep once more.”

Loki smirked breathlessly and pulled Thor close. “Perhaps we can rock them to sleep.”

Thor growled in agreement and slowed his thrusts, rolling his hips in smooth, serpentine motions, just as Loki had taught him.

They made love in this way for another half hour until neither could last another minute. They climaxed together, Thor coating Loki’s overfull sheath with his seed; it leaked out around his softening cock and turned into cloudy white tendrils in the water. Loki collapsed into the sand, sated and happy, and the stirrings inside him gradually quieted.

At sixteen weeks, Loki was possessed by cravings. Soon Thor spent more time out hunting for treats than in his mate’s company. He worked tirelessly to bring Loki anything he wanted, often robbing fishermen’s traps and stealing from their nets. It was dangerous, Thor knew. The alliance between men and merfolk was tenuous at best and treacherous at worst. If he were caught, there was a slim chance he would be released. He would be forced to fight for his freedom and possibly his life. Though he was getting better at controlling his powers, he knew he could shock only a small crew to incapacitation. A larger crew armed with poles and pikes and clubs… that worried him.

And Loki worried for him as well. “Whatever you do, stay away from the Sandmaster. If you’re caught by him, you’ll never escape.”

Thor frowned. “The Sandmaster?”

“You’ll know him by his ship.” Loki’s knuckles popped as he wrung his hands. “It’s called the Sakaar, and it’s painted gold and blue and red. His nets are unbreakable. His traps bear the name of Gast. Stay away from them, Thor. Don’t even go near them. Promise me.”

Thor nodded slowly after a moment. “I promise.”

Loki continued to fidget. “It’s not just the Sandmaster you need to watch out for. I hear his brother keeps merfolk prisoner at a place called Knowhere Island. He collects them like trophies. He’s always looking for rare sea creatures to add to his menagerie. His ship is the Tivan and it has a black hull with white trim.” He placed his hand on his growing belly and gazed at Thor seriously. “I cannot raise our children alone, Thor. I need you. Our babies will need you. Please, stay away from those humans. I can do without lobster but I can’t do without you.”

Thor smiled at Loki tenderly and swam over to plant a kiss on his forehead. “Do not fret, Loki. I give you my word I shall return to you.” He passed his hand over Loki’s swollen midsection and sent a warm, comforting pulse of electricity to his sleeping babies. “To all of you.”

And he always did.

Thor never saw the Sakaar or the Tivan on his hunts, but he did come across a line of traps on the seafloor bearing the name of Gast. The contents were exactly what he was looking for—giant crustaceans that would feed Loki’s cravings for the next four months—but he recalled his beloved’s warning to him and the promise he’d given him. And Thor turned and swam as fast as he could.

There would be other traps. Nothing was worth risking his life over. Very soon he was going to be a father; he would have a family to take care of, a mate that would need him, little ones to raise. He wanted to be there for them. And by Aegir’s scales, he would be.

Sometime around the six-month mark, Loki returned to his lair after a day spent browsing the reefs to find Thor waiting with a grin and a curious garment to bestow him.

“It’s for your comfort,” he explained, slipping the beautiful sea silk and abalone-embellished brassiere around Loki’s flat chest. It was unusually loose in the front. “We call it a brace.”

Loki was puzzled by the oversized fit. “It’s very lovely, Thor, but what in the Seven is it for?”

Thor blinked. “It’s… for when your milk comes in.”

Now it was Loki’s turn to stare. “I beg your pardon?”

“Your milk. You”—Thor’s smile flickered weakly—“when your breasts swell and begin to produce milk. You will surely be sore from feeding six babies several times a day, and this will prevent you from moving about too much. And, er”—a slight blush crept across his cheeks—“it will deter unwholesome gazes. You are sure to be engorged as your date approaches, and certain males are aroused by the sight of a mother’s full breasts. The brace will offer a modest cover if you attract unwanted atten—what is so funny?”

Loki stopped chuckling and took a breath. “Oh, Thor. Serpenians don’t give milk!”

Thor’s excitement deflated faster than a popped blowfish. “Wh… but.” His eyes drifted down to Loki’s chest. “But you have nipples.”

“So do you. And like yours, they will yield nothing, I’m quite sure.”

To say Thor was sad would be a hilarious understatement. He was devastated. “But… but our babies,” he whimpered. “What will they eat? How will they survi—”

“Oh, Thor, Thor.” Loki smiled patiently and glided forward, wrapping his tail around Thor’s and resting his arms on his shoulders. “Dear Thor, fretful father-to-be. Our babies are sea snakes. Or at least part sea snake. They will be born with teeth. They will survive as I did, eating small creatures and plants. You worry needlessly.”

The heartbroken look on Thor’s face did not fade. “But I was… I was looking forward to taking care of them. Of you holding them close and feeding them. That bonding. I didn’t think. I never knew you…”

Loki snickered as Thor struggled for words, stroking his fingers through his flowing golden hair. “They shall be cared for. You and I will hold them and feed them by hand, and they will develop the family bond that is so important to your people. They shall know both our worlds and yet belong to one of their very own. Don’t despair, Dada. Everything will be fine.”

Thor grinned meekly as Loki kissed the corner of his bristly mouth. “Well, I… was also rather looking forward to playing with your breasts. I mean, er, massaging them, of course. Making them feel better. And I could help you get rid of any, um… excess supply.”

Loki arched a brow, already intrigued. “Hmm,” he purred, “so you are one of those awful, unwholesome males who is aroused by the sight of a mother’s full breasts, are you?”

“Only yours, Loki,” he answered, but his smirking face was a red as a boiled crab.

Loki laughed and locked his hands together behind Thor’s head, flicked his tail, and pulled Thor toward the dark bower of his kelp bed. “Why don’t we give it a try, then? Milk or no milk, you could still make a meal of me.” His tongue darted out and playfully brushed against Thor’s lips.

Thor went cross-eyed for a moment. He shook it off with a brilliant smile and slipped his arms around Loki���s waist, feeling the six products of their love press warmly against him.

“No, I will make a feast of you,” Thor rumbled, reaching down between them and palming Loki’s genital slit, finding it already slick and engorged.

Loki grinned sharply and pulled Thor backward into the waving stalks of kelp. They disappeared with a flash of blue and green tails.

[hjbender]

Ok my good dude, I need to know how Endgame Thor comes into play with 7T1L verse. And I need to know soon.

So... 8 Thors, 1 Loki?

Madness I am totally down to write, by the way. (I’ve got to pick up this ficlet series again because I’ve got Things Planned but right now here are my thoughts as to how Endgame Thor will fit in.)

As expected when messing with time and quantum physics, the Seven Thors (like the Seven Dwarves, only bigger and blonder) and one Loki would be stunned by the sudden appearance of this sad, hairy, traumatized Thor. Imagine the reaction this Thor would have upon seeing Loki alive again--and with a little baby that looks like him (because by this point Loki has given birth to the child the six Thors were arguing about in the beginning). The tears and the smiles, the shocked embrace Loki would receive from this broken version of Thor; it would melt the frozen core of Jotunheim.

After hearing this latest Thor’s account of how things went in an alternate timeline, the other Thors would make appropriate adjustments to their battle plans against Thanos, and then haul their brother to the nearest spa for a little TLC. 

I can see Loki sitting to the side, holding the Thorkling in his lap and smirking as he watches his seven brothers attending to the eigth, washing his hair, grooming his beard, getting him into some nicer civvies. They speak words of encouragement to him, telling him their plans, getting him fired up and full of hope (and righteous vengeance) once more. Endgame Thor begins to heal, and Loki is especially gentle and kind to him, knowing that he’s been through so much. (This is something Loki can relate to, having lived in an emotional hell that is only a little bit better than being dead.) Their first time making love would be especially therapeutic, I bet. (And fun. Long hair, braided beard, increased body mass--hello, Loki’s berserker kink!)

And the Thorkling. Oh goodness. Endgame Thor would just be delighted, slipping naturally into the role of Papa Number 8. The child above all things helps him to move forward. Being around this amazing little creature that is half him and half Loki would do more for Thor than all the alcohol in Midgard. And it would give him another reason to fight. He wants to make sure Loki’s baby grows up in a Thanos-free universe.

Speaking of which, I don’t even know how many Mjolnirs there are now, but there are at least two Stormbreakers, one Ice Crusher (weilded by Jotunn Thor), and maybe Gungnir and a Casket, so between the Asgardian Lightning Squad and the rest of the Avengers, Thanos is toast. Burnt, singed, crispy toast.

[hjbender]

au where Loki dies or almost dies giving birth and grieving Thor no long wants the child

Ouch. I can’t imagine Thor rejecting his own baby, especially if Loki were to live. It might be the only child they’ll ever have after such a close call, but at least they’re still together, still a family. The terror will fade as Loki’s health returns and Thor will finally be able to enjoy the new addition to their family. But if Loki were to die… 

Tagged: character death, angst, grieving, emotional whump, adoption, healing, happyish ending

It wasn’t anyone’s fault.

That’s what Thor keeps trying to tell himself. These things happen—not often in Asgardian society nowadays, but every pregnancy carries a small amount of risk and many things can still go wrong in childbirth. Unforeseen difficulties. Idiopathic hemorrhaging. Critical, life-threatening circumstances that arise in what should be a time of joy and long-awaited anticipation, and rip away those you love dearest.

No, Thor thinks. This is his fault. He was the one who wanted this. Marriage. Family. Children. And Loki—winsome, wily and wild—had loved Thor enough that he wanted to give him that, even if it wasn’t his first priority in life. “I can manage,” he had insisted with a smirk. “And think of the fun we’ll have in trying.”

Thor looks down at his newborn daughter—all that is left of Loki. She is a beautiful little thing, big blue eyes and dark wisps of hair on her soft round head, her mother’s nose, her father’s long fingers. She peers up at him from the bundle of her swaddling, and Thor purely hates himself. He hates himself more than he loves his own baby girl, because she was his dream. And his dream has killed the one person he wanted to share it with.

When the midwives and healers had finally ceased trying to bring Loki back, they gathered round the bed and wept at the tragedy, the absolute loss that had befallen the new royal family. Thor held Loki’s hand as the warmth slowly faded from his fingers. His skin went white. Then gray, then blue. Then he was still. The kind of stillness that comes from being utterly bereft of life. Empty. Departed. Devoid.

Thor hadn’t wanted to hold his daughter when the midwife offered her to him. “But… my king,” the woman had murmured through her tears.

At last Thor had taken her, but he didn’t look at her. He didn’t name her, didn’t claim her. Only a father had that right, and Thor was no father. This child deserved better. A home of love and warmth instead of pain and tears. A home with two parents to raise her and nurture her, not a grieving old man trying to paint pictures of the mother she would never know.

Thor gazes at her now as he stands at the door of a lovely little cottage on Vanaheim. She’ll grow up to be beautiful, he knows. Like her mother. Maybe someday when she’s older, she’ll come find him. Thor will not send her away if she does. He will allow her in, answer her questions. Tell her that he did what he believed was best for her. And then he will tell her about Loki, and how much he loved him. Perhaps then she will understand. Perhaps she might even forgive him.

But that day is many many years from now.

The door opens and two women greet him with smiles and nods, welcoming the King of Asgard into their humble abode. Tears of joy spring to their eyes when they see the bundle he is carrying. Thor passes the babe to her new parents and takes a step back, allowing them to bond. Two little boys appear at their mothers’ sides, jumping with excitement at the arrival of their baby sister.

“She’s so pretty!” one cries.

“Can I hold her first?” says the other.

“She can have my toy bunny, I’m too old for it now!”

“How old is she? Can she talk?”

“I’m gonna teach her all the best songs!”

Thor’s eyes fill with tears and a lump rises in his throat.

Yes, this is the family his daughter deserves. Happy. Loving. Warm. Everything he cannot give her in his grieving, broken-hearted state.

He turns to leave, to spare this sweet home of his dreary presence before it sours it, but one of the women reaches out and grasps his arm—Borr’s beard, she has a strong grip—and pulls Thor into a multi-armed embrace.

“You have completed our family, my lord,” she sniffs. “Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“Yes, thank you, your majesty,” says her wife. “You are welcome at our hearth any time.”

For the first time since Loki’s passing, Thor smiles. He hugs the women and their children—all three of them, a family of five now—and feels the darkness slowly drift from his heart.

[hjbender]

Random Headcanon: Since Thor has healing hands, it stands to reason that his cummies have *:･ﾟ✧magical healing properties*:･ﾟ✧ too, right? rIGHT? Loki wakes up with his crops watered, his skin aglowin, and another +1000HP added to his lifespan. Their child turns out to be the hearty healthiest bibi boi in the Nine Realms 🍆💦💦

This is scientific fact and I am 1000% in agreement. Thor’s molecules are infused with Super Seidr (like regular seidr, only superer), so you know the first time he came in Loki, those zillions of ultra-healing gametes were looking around at all those angsty cells of his like

And once they got Loki’s internals running at optimum efficiency and 633 years of bitter sibling rivalry were exfoliated from his heart (and skin, because spite really ages a person), it was ⋆.  🎀  𝒷𝒶𝒷𝓎 𝓉𝒾𝓂𝑒  🎀  .⋆  

At no point in the pregnancy did Loki have a problem. No nausea. No indigestion. No morning sickness. No back pain. No tiredness. No strange cravings or moodswings. As long as Thor kept making regular deposits in his suggestive suggestion box, Loki grew happier and more radiant each day. 

The eventual labor? Short. The delivery? Practically painless. The baby? Healthy and gorgeous, of course. Loki dropped all the pregnancy weight in a couple months and was back to his sleek, svelte self. The baby slept through the night, barely fussed, and was ridiculously cute. Thor walked around with a permanent smile on his face. Loki couldn’t wait to teach their child everything he knew. (Pranks and mischief included.) But pranks were always best when shared with a sibling…

Thor was quite alarmed when he learned that the entire east wing of the palace was being remodeled into “the children’s hall”. 

“Whose children?” he asked over the din of construction. “Ours?”

“Of course,” said Loki, arms crossed, observing the proceedings. “Whose else’s? Oh, I’m sure they’ll have friends over occasionally, but this is mostly for our own offspring.”

Thor’s eyes widened. “And how many of those are you proposing we have?”

Loki turned and sent Thor with a wide, sly smirk. “I think a small army would do. I’ve always wanted one, you know. Never imagined I would get it this way.” He sauntered over, green eyes twinkling with mischief, and slid his arms around Thor’s shoulders. 

“Do you think you’re up for the task, O Mighty Thor?” he said, nuzzling Thor’s nose with his own.

Thor grinned helplessly and laughed. “I… will give it everything I’ve got!”

And he certainly did, Anon. He certainly did.

[hjbender]

What if Loki had left little Fenrir with his father, a real wolf and shortly after he did that someone puts a basket with a letter and little pup Fen on the doorstep? Thor finds it, the letter explains that this is Loki's son. Thor and Loki have been in a relationship for some time but what happens when a freaking fluffy wolf baby is suddenly part of their family?

Awww this ask is so sweet. ♥ Here’s how I imagine it would go down:

Loki would be baffled and embarrassed and afraid that Thor is going to leave him because there’s no way he would understand why Loki had to transform into a wolf while Thor was away on business in another realm several weeks ago. (Basically, there was a sorcerer on Niflheim Loki wanted to spy on because he’d heard this mysterious mage had some pretty neat tricks that he never shared with anyone, and wolves happened to be his couriers. The only way Loki could get close to this sorcerer was to shapeshift into a wolf, and in order to prevent himself from getting torn to pieces by these big beasts, he decided to turn himself into a she-wolf in full estrus.)

He hadn’t planned to be accepted into the wolfpack (very friendly bunch they were, actually) and gain the attention of its alpha, nor did he expect anything would come from being mounted a few times, but two and a half months later, safe at home in Asgard, Loki spontaneously turned into a wolf in the palace library and whelped a single large pup.

Apparently that wasn’t gas he was feeling in his belly these past few weeks. Oh dear.

Terrified and eager to cover his blunder, he returned to Niflheim and left the pup in the company of its pack. Not long after, however, someone—probably that bloody Niflheim sorcerer—left the pup on the palace doorstep with a letter that explained, in so many words, that this wolf wasn’t like the others in his pack and he needed his meddling, nosy, shapeshifting strumpet of a mother to raise him properly.

Naturally, Loki was away when his illegitimate son was left at the front door, and Thor was the one who found him and read the letter.

He is absolutely ecstatic. 

“A wolf-son!” he bellows, lifting the pup proudly. “Look at him, Loki! He has your eyes! Can we raise him together? Does he have a name? No? Then I shall call him Fenrir! Look at our boy, Loki! Isn’t he great?”

Loki is speechless. (And a little relieved, to be honest.)

Fenrir—aka Fen, aka Fenny, aka Son—becomes the apple of Thor’s eye. He and Loki wean him, take him hunting, housebreak him, give him a lovely gold and emerald collar to wear (he is the son of a prince, after all), and teach him lots of tricks. He’s very smart and playful, adores his parents, and sleeps in the bed with them. 

Loki isn’t too happy about that. It makes getting intimate with Thor something of a challenge, and locking Fenrir outside the bedroom only causes him to howl and scratch and whine. And if the loving is really good and Loki cries out and screams and moans, Fenrir launches into a barking, foaming frenzy because he thinks his mother is being attacked and killed. Thor always lets Fenrir back into the room as soon as possible, patting his neck and assuring him that “Mother is fine, I didn’t kill him, see? Everything is alright.”

It still doesn’t solve the problem with all the hair in the bedsheets. 

Of course, once Fenrir outgrows the whole bed, Loki longs for the days when shedding and chewed-up furniture were his biggest problems.

Fur babies. They grow up so fast. *sniff*

[hjbender]

how would thor handle it if loki told him he wants to stay with the grandmaster cause he takes good care of him

Ooh, ouch, my heart—but a very intriguing scenario. (Here is the current list of Angstmaster Saga ficlets.)

If this were to happen and Loki never mouthed the words “Save us” to Thor, but instead led El away with a distressed look on his face, I could see Thor eventually sneaking back to Sakaar as soon as possible and trying to get close to the Grandmaster’s inner circle without being recognized. He attends parties and fights and races and other gaming venues but can never seem to get close enough to Loki to catch his eye. The Grandmaster keeps armed bodyguards around his family 24/7, and then there are the throngs of fans and admirers that Thor must elbow through (but not too earnestly; he doesn’t want to draw attention to himself). And of course, the paparazzi.

They’ve been gaga about Loki, whom they call “The Grandmistress”, ever since he was brought back to Sakaar and crowned Bae and First Baby Mama before a cheering crowd of thousands. They always publish articles and glamorous photos of Loki—only good things, of course, because the Grandmaster will melt anyone who criticizes his lovely consort—and rave about his style and fashion sense and what a great mum he is. Some of the more zealous Sakaarans get plastic surgery, tattoos, and dye injections in their skin to look like their jötunn idol. It’s a life of opulence, admiration, attention, wealth, and fame for Loki, who has even grown to like En. The man may be a self-centered, pleasure-seeking philanderer, a murderous, despotic dictator, but this is the most stable and content Loki has ever been in his life. He is accepted here on Sakaar. Loved. Adored. And the Grandmaster is a good father, even if his parenting style leaves much to be desired. He spoils El too much and leaves Loki to be the sole disciplinarian, and encourages all sorts of bad habits that Loki must correct. But it’s really no worse than the average parent.

Better than his own father, Loki thinks bitterly.

Thor finally succeeds in getting close to Loki at a club one night. Loki recognizes Thor in the VIP lounge and waves him through the several layers of bodyguards separating them. “It’s alright,” he tells them. “I know this man. He was a former servant of mine. His character is unquestionable. Let him come.”

Thor warily slides into the plush velvet seat beside Loki and tells him in an excited whisper that he has a plan to get him off of Sakaar. And by using the Time and Reality stones, they can set a trap for the Grandmaster that will erase Loki from his memory—permanently.

“You will be free,” says Thor, grasping Lok’s jewelry-adorned hand and grinning. “You can come home.”

But Loki doesn’t smile. He swallows and slips his hand from Thor’s, rubs his belly pensively. “Yes, I can… but I’m somebody here, Thor,” he says in a distant voice. “I’m not just a jötunn runt or the god of thunder’s mischievous, untrustworthy brother. I’m not a failure and a traitor to these people. I don’t have to hide behind illusions anymore. I can be who I am. Nobody on Sakaar cares about my past or what I’ve done. No one is clamoring for justice for the things I did on Midgard or Jötunheim—”

“Those things can be made right again,” Thor insists. “It will take time and effort, and I can’t promise it will be easy or painless, but it is possible for you to earn back our people’s trust, and then we can—”

“You don’t understand, I’m done struggling, Thor!” Loki snarls. His voice is angry but there are tears in his eyes. Thor goes quiet. “That’s all I’ve done since I was born! Struggle and scrape for validation, for love, for equality!”

Thor’s shoulders slump, his heart pricked with the sharp, cold knife of truth. He remembers those words Loki spoke. He remembers them very well. I only ever wanted to be your equal.

Loki goes on. “I’ve spent my whole life scratching and clawing for the things that were simply given to you. You have no idea what it’s like to forever be the second best, the least favorite. The suspect. The villain. Your life was one of privilege and acceptance, of trust that you never had to earn—and you expect me to come back to that same life and work even harder to earn what should have been mine from the beginning? To bleed myself dry just to be seen as your equal?” Loki takes a breath to calm himself. He is very pregnant and gets easily winded. “I am tired of fighting this war, brother,” he says softly. “I will not win it. You were right, this is where I belong.”

“On this trash planet?” Thor mutters. “Worshipped by whoremongers and fools, with that perverted madman raising your children?”

“Better to reign in Hel than serve in Valhalla, as they say.”

A tense, painful silence falls for several moments. The bassline of an upbeat electronic song thumps in the air between them. Lights flash, partygoers laugh and dance and drink colorful cocktails.

“So that’s it, then,” says Thor finally. “You’re going to stay here. You’re going to stay with him.”

“He cares for me.”

Thor gazes at Loki with his mismatched eyes. “But he doesn’t love you. Not like I do.”

Loki smiles sadly and touches Thor’s cheek. “No. But he has offered me something that you cannot. A clean slate. Security. Stability. A chance at a normal life… or what passes for normal here.”

“Right.” Thor’s eyes drift down to Loki’s wrists, at the wide, thin gold bands clasped close to his skin. The cuffs with alien symbols etched onto them. “And I suppose giving up your seidr is part of the new normal, too.”

“I don’t need my magic here.”

“Your magic is a part of you, Loki. It always has been. You were meant to wield it.”

“Perhaps the old Loki did,” he says coldly. “The Loki who wore the illusion of an Asgardian and had no other strengths or skills. The Loki who was forced to lie and deceive and cast glamors in order to make something of himself. No, that Loki is gone.”

After a tense pause, Thor nods. “Indeed, he is.”

A small voice suddenly rings out across the lounge: “Mumma!”

Thor watches Loki’s face immediately light up with happiness, and feels his soul shrivel into a sad, dried-out husk. A moment later El Vee Gast crawls into their booth and up onto his mother’s lap.

“Oof, darling, there isn’t much room left there!” Loki laughs. “Here, sit beside Mumma like a big boy. There we are.”

Thor stares hollowly as Loki, radiating an effortless maternal air, sets his son beside him and combs his tousled black hair from his eyes. “Is Daddy almost done playing?”

El nods. “He wanted me to ask if you wanna eat at home tonight or go out tonight.” His accent sounds a lot like the Grandmaster’s. “But can we stay home? I wanna make pïcza with Daddy again. That was fun last time.”

“That’s an excellent idea, darling. I’m sure he’ll like that.”

“But no peppers because little sister doesn’t like ‘em, right?” El pats Loki’s round belly and looks up at him with a happy smile.

Loki chuckles. “No, no peppers for us.”

El then notices Thor and get quiet, pressing shyly against Loki’s side. “Who’s that man?” he murmurs warily.

“This is—” Loki hesitates, turning to Thor with an anxious face. Thor shakes his head slightly: no names. Loki puts on a false smile and pets his son’s head. “It’s nobody, darling. Just someone Mumma used to know.”

Thor doesn’t expect those words to hurt as much as they do. It feels as if all his insides have been ripped out of him and nothing is left but an empty coat of skin.

“Go tell Daddy we’re staying home for dinner tonight,” says Loki, ushering El off the seat and nodding to his child’s bodyguard—a huge Kôrvian—who follows the scampering boy to his destination.

Loki picks up his fancy glass and drains the rest of his sparkling blue drink in a single gulp. “I have to be going now.” He awkwardly slides out of the rounded booth and struggles to stand; Thor is by his side in a moment, grasping his hand and helping him up. “Ngh, thank you,” Loki grunts.

“You’re welcome.”

For a moment they look at each other’s faces: Thor’s, heartbroken and hurting. Loki’s, solemn and steady. Then Loki offers up a melancholy smile, squeezes Thor’s hand, and leans in close.

“If he catches you here, he’ll arrest you,” he says under his breath. “And if he catches you with me, he’ll kill you. Don’t come back.” He quickly kisses his brother’s cheek. “Goodbye, Thor.” Then he turns and glides away, flanked by half a dozen bodyguards.

Thor stands there, tears shining in both his eyes, and watches Loki walk out of his life forever.

[hjbender]

Would you be interested in Thor if he had multiple personalities and when he sleeps with loki and knocks him up the personalities fight over whose child it is?

The idea of Thor having multiple personalities is a bit bizarre to me. I mean, he’s such a grounded, stable, solid kind of guy (I feel like I’m about to make a lightning joke, and I swear I’m not), however… along those same lines…

What if, during the Infinity War fix-it scramble that will take place in Avengers 4 when Thor and the non-ashed Avengers are bouncing all over space and time with the recently-resurrected Loki in tow, Loki sleeps with all of the Thors because BROLO. He sleeps with the cocky young Thor from the first film. The desperate, deadpan brother from Avengers. The tense, suspicious, snappy Thor from The Dark World. The bit-more-relaxed, well-dressed Thor from Age of Ultron. And the crafty, cheerful Thor from Ragnarok. 

Loki has sex with every single one of them and now he’s pregnant, and thanks to a temporal/multiverse glitch, he’s stuck in a room with all five of these different Thors, plus the jaded, heterochromiatic Thor from Infinity War who is trying to make sense of who the father really is.

In typical Loki Fashion™, Loki just smiles that big toothy smile of his and holds up his hands and says, “I really don’t see what all the fuss is about. The father is you, Thor.” He gestures to the gathered ensemble before turning to his short-haired brother from most recent history. “They are all you, and you are they. The child is certainly yours, and if it was conceived at a different time in the last seven years, what does it matter?”

“That isn’t the point, Loki,” Infinity Thor mutters. “The point is that you took advantage of our mission through time to have as much sex with me throughout history as you possibly could. It is grossly self-indulgent, even for you.”

“Yes, speaking of indulgence,” says Ultron Thor airily, “how many times did you have him, brother? Because he and I had sex at least sixteen times in the span of a week, so obviously it is my child he carries.”

“That cannot be true,” says Original Thor impetuously. “It is the quality that counts, not the quantity. Loki and I made love only once, but the child is surely mine. I am younger and more virile than all of you.”

“And certainly more naive,” mutters Dark Thor. “I ravished Loki in his cell daily, not counting all the times before and after his imprisonment.”

Avengers Thor steps in with his hands raised in truce. “Regardless of how many times we each, erm… enjoyed Loki’s company,” he says carefully, “there is no way of telling which of us sired the baby he now carries. And for that reason, we should not fight. We should rejoice. Loki is alive”—he puts his hand to his heart and sends Loki a warm grin—“and I think that is something for which we should all be grateful, don’t you agree?”

Loki returns the compliments with a coy fluttering of his eyelashes and a proud smirk.

“Our brother is right,” Infinity Thor admits after a few moments. He uncrosses his arms and strides over to stand beside Loki, putting a supportive hand on his back and another on his arm. He looks into his eyes tenderly and smiles. “Loki is alive and well, and now he is carrying the hope of a new alliance between Asgard and Jötunheim. Our father Odin was successful in achieving his ultimate wish, though I don’t think this was exactly what he had in mind. Nevertheless, peace is peace and we ought to be thankful for it.”

“I agree,” says Ragnarok Thor, nodding. “It doesn’t matter which of us is responsible for impregnating Loki. The past is the past. We must look towards the future.Besides, we are all fathers now.” He pauses and grins brightly with his hands in the air, waiting for a reaction. “Get it? All-Fathers?”

Dark Thor lowers his head and puts his hand over his eyes, agonized. Original Thor rolls his eyes while Ultron Thor facepalms and Avengers Thor groans. 

Even Loki has to massage the bridge of his nose at the awful pun.

“I suppose it’s to be expected,” he says, looking up at the great six-in-one deal he’s been riding through the last seven years. “You’ve only just found out you’re going to be fathers, and you’re already making the worst dad jokes I’ve ever heard.” 

Bonus: They all agree not to fight over who the father is anymore, but just before all the Thors must return to their regular time periods, the kinky Dark Thor poses the question, “I wonder if Loki could take all of us at once?”

To which Loki answers energetically, “That is an excellent question, Thor. I believe we have a few more hours together before we all must say farewell, so…” He jerks his thumbs in the direction of the bedroom. “Shall we?”

And that was how Loki won Best Bottom of the Year 2011-2019. 👍