#this would all be so much easier if i'd just changed my name legally and come clean to anyone in my daytoday life. bet id be more confident

[zhalar]

hate that i have to come out. i hate that!!! i hate that if i want to experience a modicum of gender peace for these upcoming two years i have to tell my new teachers that im nonbinary and would like to use [this name] even though none of my official papers have it on them, and probably wont, cuz its not A Name that i can confidently believe will pass the naming convention.. laws... of this country. I HATE THAT I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO PLEAD MY CASE AND EXPLAIN MYSELF. im trying to construct this message that i’ve got no idea will even be read or noted just to have it in my student record somewhere that “hey im SOOOO sorry but if its not a problem to you i would love to feel like a human person even on a name-basis during my studies and im MORE than fine to be otherwise (mis)gendered as long as its not a problem to YOUUUUU also i know that my legal name is literally on show in every school email and profile so whatever i say here matters none cause everyone will only see that clearly gendered name and not give a flying fuck about this “”nickname”” im trying to get going since its not my LEEEGAAALL name but thats also so fine with me if i could Just get the clear to sign my emails and whatsapp messages with my preferred name thankyouuu :)” 

sorry im always complaining here it gets ANNOYING. im mostly trying to get my own brain straight about this matter. uhggh BUT ITS SO AWKWARD TO WRITE THAT MESSAGE. i dont want to explain myself but i also dont! want! to make a scene!!!! im so pissed off at myself for not opening my DAMN MOUTH when the group-wide introductions happened this week. shoulda just bit the bullet and said ive got [this] name in official papers but would prefer to be called särmä. literally could feel the nerve escaping my body when it came to my turn. fucking hell

(EDIT ive calmed down. i didnt send the message fuck this noise, im just gonna hope that i’ll get it out face to face this next week [biting through glass])

[coff-in]

Wait ahhhhh I just read the polycule grave siblings with their child and immm tearing uppp. Why didn't they just explain poly to their kid 😭😭. Can we get a fluffy kind of angst continuation?? I could imagine reader decides to leave or tried for a bit to think about some stuff/get time away and Andrew and Ashley are (yandere if you want) like no you're not leaving us!!! And the child feels bad and cries they don't want their momma to leave!! Any kind of little bit of hurt with fluff!! Youre writing is so big brained I'm in awe ❤️

notes from coff-in: this took a while and it's still not finished. i'd like to continue this later though if possible... there is no fluff with this angst (i forgor it, my bad). still, please enjoy what i have made so far (cliffhanger, 1.3k words)

direct continuation of this, [gender neutral] reader-insert (although referred to as 'momma' by the child), verbal abuse, suicidal thoughts/ideation, incest

[reader] doesn't tell andrew or ashley what happened that night. neither does their child. maybe they knew that they'd get in trouble for yelling at [reader] and speaking to them like that with their parents. if [reader] doesn't mention anything, then they shouldn't either.

andrew and ashley can tell that something is up. it's not unusual for [reader] and their kid to be quite, especially with each other, but they notice how they skirt around each other's presence. their conversation are short, direct, and brief. andrew notices the sudden tension that enters their kid's shoulders whenever [reader] talks to them. ashley can feel the air of change around [reader], how their sibling is more quiet and reserved.

they suppose it's time for a talk.

[reader] gently crawls out of their shared bed one night. they slowly make their way to the bathroom to look at themself... they don't even recognize their face. they're not a graves. not legally at least, only andrew and ashley (along with their child) are legally carrying the graves name. they're not... they're not really a part of the family, are they? they're just a weird insertion, misplaced and forced. their skin, their body, their blood, their words, their thoughts... they don't really belong in that house... in that home. 'just some mistress. some pet andrew and ashley keep around.'

they didn't mean it. they're just a kid. they don't fully understand the situation they're in or the relationship that [reader] has with their parents, their siblings. it still hurt.

'do you think you're all that? do you think you're somehow special?' the voice in [reader]'s head digs down into somewhere deep, stringing together words that weren't meant for them but presenting them as a gift all the same. she's not talking to them, but it feels like she is. 'you're just another hole! and you're not even the only one!'

she wasn't talking to you, but it still hurt. it still hurts.

'the only reason they're with you is because they feel sorry for you!' what type of sibling relies on their siblings this badly? 'DO YOU THINK YOU'RE BETTER THAN HER?!' that's not true, they both asked you to be there with them. 'you're not needed. they have each other. they have their kid. none of them need you.'

the voice changes in [reader]'s head. their mind always knew how to cut deep, to make it personal. and soon their reflection was talking to them. the voice that never leaves.

'you're just another dead body they drag around, another thing to dance around and bury. their lives would be so much easier without you! they would even celebrate your disappearance! just like mom and dad did.'

'how about you jump off the bridge and join them?'

they barely hear the soft knocks against the bathroom door, but they turn their head slightly when they see ashley peek in. [reader] can't look her in the eye even though the reflection of the mirror. her black hair is down and messy, brushing against her face and shoulders like a wedding veil.

"hey hun... are you okay?" her voice is deeper when laced with that sleepy drowsiness, "andrew and i missed you in bed. what's wrong?" the door creaks further and she steps closer towards her sibling, resting a hand gently on their shoulder.

"i... um..." the words they want to say claw at the back of their throat while they try to hold them down. their child hates them, and they're tarring the home andrew and ashley fought for, they're tarring the live they deserved. the truth gets silenced in their mouth, "i couldn't sleep."

"hm? was it a nightmare?"

"yeah..."

"hm. come back to bed, [reader]. we'll help you go back to sleep." 'you're just another hole.'

[reader] shies away from ashley's touch, "n-not yet... i can't really, uh." they can't ruin the nest they've lovingly made with each other, they can't overhear the secrets they whisper to each other. the secrets they're not meant to hear. "i can't sleep just yet."

"tell me what's wrong. there's been something bothering you lately." ashley's hand landed on the bathroom sink. "you know you can tell me or andrew anything, right? we're here for you."

[reader]'s eyes shyly dart their way to ashley's face, "it's... it's really dumb. i mean, well, it's just not that important. just a nightmare. a stupid thought that got too scary and too loud." they manage to force a small smile on their face for ashley, "i'm fine, sis. just need a little time to breathe."

ashley hums dismissively while placing a chaste kiss on their cheek, "well, when you're done taking your breath come back to bed so we can smother you, m'kay?"

"okay ashley."

she gave [reader] one last look before quietly exiting the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind her as she left. [reader] stared at the door that lead out of the bathroom, that lead towards the bedroom, and turned back to the mirror. their reflection stared back at them...

they turned off the light and left the bathroom.

...

the next day, andrew and ashley decided to stay at home with [reader] after they dropped off their kid at school. they were both concerned for [reader] after last night. they didn't get nightmare like andrew did, even after everything that happened since the quarantine. this was something new, something recent. it clawed at ashley since that night.

"do you think it had something to do with [kid]?" ashley asked andrew, who was sitting on the couch, watching her pace around. he shrugged his shoulders. "i assumed it does, but if it was really something important i'm sure they would've told us by now. our last date was about a week ago."

"... they used to do this before, remember? when they'd stop talking after making us upset." she turned to look at her brother-husband, a small shocked look on her face. "we had to then cuddle them in your bed and tell them that they did nothing wrong. they'd cry and thank us, and apologize for being a burden... do you think they're doing the same thing now?" he look at ashley with his green eyes. a small sad glint could be seen in them as he frowned. she scoffed and looked away from andrew towards the front door.

"they better fucking not. we left that shit behind us!"

"yeah... we did, didn't we? maybe it still affects them though." andrew sighed and followed ashley's gaze.

...

[reader] handed ashley's child a couple of crumpled bills and some coins while in the car. the child took it and looked up at [reader], confused.

"what's this for?" they asked.

"i won't be able to pick you up from school today," [reader] answered after a slight pause, "that's bus fare money. you could buy yourself something nice, if you want to and just walk home."

"why? why aren't you picking me up from school?" [reader]'s eyes avoided the child's.

"i'll be busy... it doesn't really concern you. just try not to get--"

"it does concern me!" the kid interrupted [reader], taking them aback. "is this about last thursday night? are you running away from me? i'm sorry, momma. i'm sorry that i said that stuff to you!" their eyes began to water and they sniffled, "i didn't... i didn't mean it! i was just mad, i-i was mad because everyone at school s-said that it was weird! i don't want you to leave th-though! i don't want you to leave me..." [reader] took in the child's face: wet eyes, fat tears, snotty nose quickly clogging up. they didn't want to cause a scene and now they're making a mess of this child's morning.

"[kid]--"

the child leaned over the center console of the car and wrapped their arms around [reader] as tightly as possible. they buried their face into [reader]'s jacket, "don't leave... please don't leave, 'm sorry."

----

coff-in

[dvandom]

How found families can become lost families when you die

There is no legal obligation for your next of kin to inform anyone about your death.

If your legal next of kin do not approve of your friends or your Found Family, they may deliberately avoid publicizing your death.

If you are mostly known to your friends by a name other than the one on your birth certificate, you can't count on any obituaries or memorial notices using that name. It doesn't even have to be as serious as deadnaming, if you're just known by a nickname and your next of kin refuse to mention it in the obituary.

I say all of this because I think a friend of mine died earlier this month. We were friends through a shared hobby, and I got the feeling that his parents didn't approve of that hobby. I mostly knew him by his nickname, although I did have a legal name through Paypal. He had a heart attack in late April, but seemed to be on the mend, then he went silent. I didn't think much of it at first, since I knew he was recovering and might be pretty low-energy. But when he didn't reply to my text informing him that I'd found a toy he'd been looking for since last year, I got suspicious.

I checked online obituaries, and found a possible match. Right town, right timeframe, mostly the right name (if it's him, he used his middle name as his first name on Paypal). Obvious high school senior portrait on the memorial site (over 30 years out of date). No mention of his nickname or his hobbies other than liking a particular movie. His parents knew about me and even where I lived, but did not reach out. I suspect they didn't make any effort to contact any of their son's fandom friends. Maybe not intentional refusal, just...not bothering. Not looking at his phone or email for contacts. Not going to any of the places he would hang out to tell people there. Etc.

And this is a person who at least was on speaking terms with his parents. All of you on here who have deliberately cut off contact with your biological families had better start thinking of how to make sure the people you do care about find out about your death, unless you've already gone through the legal hassle of getting your official next of kin changed...assuming you even can do so where you live.

And if you do still get along with your next of kin, make it easier on them by making sure they have at least a few contacts with your friends, so they can spread the word. When most of your friends are online, it can otherwise take a long time for silence to be taken as demise.

[drdemonprince]

Hi Devon, I feel very similarly about my gender as you’ve described feeling about yours. I’ve been on T for a couple of years and am about to start changing my legal documents to M/male name because I pass as a man and want to make my life bureaucratically easy and not have to out myself to employers etc. However, I feel a lot of trepidation around doing so because I don’t have a stable male identity at all and it’s likely my presentation will change again at some point. (I guess I could change everything again if that happens but that sounds labor intensive and horrible lol.) Keeping my current info or changing it both feel dysphoric. Do you have any advice or experience on this?

I'd say you don't have to put much stock if any in how the government categorizes you. Granting them the ability to track you as a trans person is always a liability and it doesn't imbue your identity any legitimacy at all. Only you can do that, largely by developing a supportive community. If you want to change it to make your life easier in your current presentation, that's a real factor to consider. You don't have to believe the lies you tell the government.

That said, I feel good about continuing to have a "male" designation institutionally since I have already done it. It doesn't matter how I feel in my heart, a piece of govt paperwork has nothing to do with that. Professionally and institutionally being a guy has worked out really well for me. I'm happy with he/him pronouns, as well as it/its and the gay she. In public life it's pretty great to be read as a guy. The immense male privilege is a relief from certain dysphorias and just makes life easier. For me I feel like who cares if it reflects some inner truth. If I can get away with reaping the benefits and good feelings of being a "male" while presenting in a way that feels more feminine and comfy for me that would be yahtzee. But who knows, life is nothing but change.

[hhawkeye]

for literally the last like 8 years ive been telling myself i'll finally Legally change my name on everything in 2024 bc thats when my passport expires so i'll just get it all done at once but im finally looking into it and its like. i really should have just done this before i was An Adult i'd have soooo much less to change and it would be so much easier

[song-of-amethyst]

You ask me 60 like we’re not already married 🙈 I want to ask you these tho: 8, 19, 23, 34, 62, 63 🥰🫵🏼

well let's get married again 🥺

8 (played any sports?) I'm not sure it counts, I got to play a few things for a bit, but always with kids who were bigger and stronger than me and I don't know whose brilliant idea it was but I never got to enjoy it much and it put me off sports for a while 🤔 now i'm a proud couch potato!

19 (would you go back in time if given the chance) never has something sounded so exhausting and so tempting at the same time 😂 it would definitely depend on my headspace. I'd want to undo things I regret, but I wouldn't want to undo things I'm proud of, you know? Plus reliving through major world events (covid) or school sounds terrifying. But going back with my current insight could help me plan better, make a wiser use of time, perhaps get a new chance at having the life I wanted. Then again it might just be the life I *thought* I wanted. Not to mention that you can always do better, and you can always do worse, so I'm afraid I would just get locked in a loop of undoing and changing my life and then regretting some part of it and never moving forward at all. Guess I'm glad I can't go back!

23 (piercings?) I have one on each ear, if that counts!

34 (what did you last dream about) I'm sure I dreamed last night but can't seem to remember what it was! I'll add it if I do :D

62 (what makes you happy?) you do 🥺

also nature, a good book, the smell of freshly ground coffee, and kind people.

63 (would you change your name?) this one is really similar to the time rewinding one, in that the impulse to say yes is quite strong but really comes from the most insecure and self-conscious parts of my personality which means that the answer is something like "I would but I probably shouldn't"

I mean, I guess I don't like having it much. Too weird, too uncommon, too commonly misspelled, too commonly forgotten, I always just go by a short and simplified form so that people just raise an eyebrow at most and say okay. But I don't really dislike *it*, just the experience of having it while navigating administrations and the like? My mum once asked me to choose a name and said she'd call me by it, and for some reason it felt wrong, because ultimately it's not that important to me what people call me, one way or the other? I suppose I'd like to change my legal name to make my life easier but wouldn't really mind people continuing to call me by my current name if they want to. It's a bit weird because I don't really identify with any name at all, I just don't call myself anything in my head.

Thank you for asking 🥺

[lightandwinged]

SO. I've been trying for a hot minute to get an autism diagnosis because even though I'm 99% sure I'm autistic, you can't really use that if you're requesting accommodations somewhere (like a place of employ or a school or what-have-you). I'm self-diagnosed, in other words, which is a thing I used to hate, but I've obviously changed my mind there because (a) who fucking cares, and (b) getting an actual diagnosis as an adult woman is a bit like trying to run a marathon in swim flippers. Like you might get there eventually, but you've been given such an absurd handicap that it's easier to just give up about a hundred feet in and take a cab.

The tl;dr is that I finally had an appointment and while I didn't get an autism diagnosis (because, as it turned out, the neuropsychiatrist I saw literally could not do that without my insurance then charging me several thousand dollars wtf), it was not ruled out; and I did get diagnosed with inattentive-type ADHD (which tracks) and nonverbal learning disorder (which is new).

With the ADHD, I am not surprised because apparently the latest version of the DSM categorizes a lot of women's autism cases as being funky ADHD. But it also tracks with the way my life has kind of worked to this point, so even though I don't think ADHD explains everything, it does at least track with my shitty homework doing abilities, my failure to pay attention to literally anything by itself no matter how much I want to do so, and a whole host of other WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS, BRAIN, things. I have no idea what the next steps will be there--typically, I'd be like sure, let's try drugs, but apparently all the ADHD meds that exist are rare to find these days, so we're just going to put a pin in that and come back to it some other time.

And then there's the NVLD, which is.

Okay.

It's not a new diagnosis as a whole because it's been talked about since ages ago and thrown around as a diagnosis for people since at least the 80s, BUT it's really coming into prominence lately since Asperger's Syndrome was correctly removed as a potential diagnosis. The name is stupid because it makes it sound like I'm nonverbal completely, which I am the opposite. What the disorder actually entails is struggling with literally everything that isn't verbal learning; or not even struggling but it doesn't come as easily as verbal learning. Like part of my diagnosis was an IQ test, and I'm apparently a literal genius when it comes to verbal intelligence, but everything else was in the normal range, which isn't BAD but also when you're REALLY good at one thing and then everything else is just normal, it feels like you're bad at everything else.

Anyway, it's basically marked by exactly that, being really good at verbal intelligence and then having struggles of varying levels in other areas, especially visual/spatial and social. It's typically comorbid with at least one other neurodivergence (ADHD, autism, dyscalculia, dysgraphia, etc.), but it's not a diagnosis in the DSM just yet, so it's the kind of thing where knowing you have it helps with recognizing that no, it's not my fault that I trip over thick clumps of air and can't do math or socialize to save my life BUT I also can't really go into a workplace and be like "you need to allow me this this and this accommodation because NVLD" because without DSM recognition, it's not necessarily legally protected, which is bullshit.

But I guess that's what the ADHD is for.

IN ANY CASE. I've also decided not to give up on an autism diagnosis because it's possible but it's an uphill battle. I have to find the funds for it (because insurance won't cover the assessment), and then I have to find a neuropsychiatrist who won't take insurance so that I can actually get assessed, and THEN I have to get an appointment, but I want to have it on record, one way or another.

And also this basically has me pretty solidly certain that once I've figured out the fibromyalgia pain and fatigue, writing A Lot needs to happen because like... if you're Very Gifted With Words and not writing, maybe you should change that, or maybe just I should, idk.

[genderqueerdykes]

Hi I'm 19 transmasc and about to go to college for my second year but since the pandemic was so much worse in 2020/2021, this will be the first time I physically go onto campus. I'm really nervous about having to introduce myself since I dont have a name I'm comfortable with.

My birth name is super feminine and even saying it out loud has always made me uncomfortable and made me feel kind of sick. All thru highschool I just dealt with the fact that i would always be uncomfortable when someone called me by my legal name

But now that I'm goign to college where I don't know anyone I wanna choose a name that I actually like

Problem is that my legal name is kind of unavoidable itll be on all my documents and school information. I'm scared I'll tell people my name but my professors will call out my name during attendance and I'll have no courage and I'll end up miserable with my legal name.

I'm also scared of people figuring out my real name and questioning me for lying or soemthing.

I dont have a chosen name yet I'm still figuring it out but I was wondering if you have any advice on how to handle this. I'd really appreciate anything. Sorry this is long hope u have a very good day!

i'm really sorry this is going on right now, but i understand it fully

i still don't have my legal name changed, even after being out for a decade. getting your name changed legally is a big pain in the ass and where i'm at, it requires a lot of hoops and rigamarole if you're trans, for some g-dforsaken reason.

it really sucks to like. constantly have your legal name shoved in your face and to have people have to see that, and to correct them. it can be very tiring, i get that. it makes me tired when i'm doing anything medical related because it's always under my legal name and i get so tired of having to remember/say that name. whenever i hear my birth name it makes me sick, too, i can't stand it. i've hated it since childhood

it will be hard to see your legal name on paperwork and such, but, most professors are on the up-and-up and will be respectful about your name and pronouns. you may be able to talk with your advisor at your school and ask them if there's a way to have your ID (if you get one) have your preferred name either instead of or alongside your birth name. you can also ask to see if there's any way they can make it easier for you to let your professors know about your preferred name

i would also try to get in touch with that college's LGBT/queer Pride/ gay/straight alliance group and see if they have any resources to help you survive being in college while being trans and not having your name changed. see if they have any suggestions or representatives or people who can help you

i also hope you're able to find a name that feels good and comfortable for you! i know it'll be easy to get disheartened seeing your legal name on paperwork and whatnot, but just try to be firm with your professors, and see if there's an LGBT pride group at your college who can give you more advice specific to your school. i hope that helps at all, take care, i understand the struggle. stay safe, you are valued

[frenchibi]

I hope it’s not too much but! For the ask game: 1 9 15 39 50 53 70 84 99 100 Hope you have a nice day!~

Hahaha, not at all, anon, I don't mind! Thank you for asking :D I'm going to put these under a cut though, since I like to ramble and this will be quite long to scroll past otherwise :)

What’s your middle name, and do you like it?

It's Johanna, after my grandmother, who passed away ten years ago. I do like the name, and I like that it connects me to her :) I also recently learned that my first name is the "female version" of my grandfather's legal first name (he went by his middle name, and I only learned that when he passed away this year), so that's pretty cool too :)

9. Do you have any cool talents?

So... I think I am pretty good at a fair number of things, but. I am really good at parking. I enjoy driving a lot, and as an Oldest Sister(TM) I was (and sometimes still am) always driving my siblings places, so I got a lot of practice - and I have always lived in places with very limited parking, so I have gotten very good at it by necessity. I can parallel park anywhere, and have literally squeezed into spots with five centimeters to spare. I am very confident in this ability and I think it's a very useful talent lmao

15. What’s the best dream you’ve had?

I... don't really remember my dreams, and most of my dreams are kind of stressful and confusing xD Sorry, don't have a cool story here ^^

39. Favourite singer?

Oooh, ooh, a juicy question - and one I find really difficult to answer! I always feels so... unprepared, when people ask me about music, even though I do have lots of opinions...? I feel like this also depends on the genre, if it's opera or musical theater or pop or rock music... I definitely have more than one. I'd probably find it easier to talk about bands I currently am into, or something? Sorry, I know this is a non-answer dhfhhkdfk feel free to ask a more specific question and I will do my best to actually find people to respond with :'D

50. How are you doing today?

I'm alright! I just got home from tech rehearsal for our choir concert tomorrow (it went really badly hahaha - but they say if the final rehearsal sucks, the concert will be good, so, eh?) so I'm quite exhausted... but I had a nice morning, my partner and I made French toast for breakfast and went to the gym even though we were both feeling pretty groggy - I'm glad we went though, I felt better afterwards ^^

53. Is there anything you do that you can’t remember ever not doing?

Singing! And talking. I was apparently THE chattiest baby - I was speaking way earlier than kids normally do (but refused to crawl at all lmao just. lots to say but no places to be apparently) and was super interesed in words from before I can remember :) Also learned to read really early, and to write! Which I have always loved, and still do. Singing has always been a thing in the home I grew up in - and now I'm getting qualifications to be a voice teacher, so I'm coming full-circle I think :)

70. What would you change about your life if you knew you would never die?

Oh, that depends - am I the only one who will never die? What about my family? My friends? I'm sorry I need to know more about this hypothetical hsadjfklahsdjk does my back pain also stay forever? My allergies? My dizziness? Seriously though, I don't think knowing when I'll die or even if I'll die would not change much about my behavior. I generally try to do more good than I do harm, and I like to tell people honestly how I feel, especially if I appreciate them. And that's it xD

84. If you could time travel, would you go to the past or the future?

Not to be a boring square here but... the idea of time travel terrifies me. Like, as a narrative device or plot point? Cool. But I personally would not want to go anywhere. If I HAD to - as close as possible to now. I'd go back to last week, or ahead one week. I don't think I would do well in the distant past, and the future I don't want to know about until I get there. What if I go to the future and find out something horrible will happen, but I can't stop it? No. No no no no thanks :')

99. Is there a feeling you are trying to ignore? What is it?

I am always, always, always worrying. I can't really turn it off, I think worrying is natural when you care about things (and I notoriously care way too much about way too many things. It is what it is) so I am mainly trying to get stuff done without being overwhelmed :') It sounds a lot worse than it is, though.

100. Do you live or do you just exist?

I am for sure living, not just existing. I like being an active agent in my own life, and bringing positive things to the lives of people I care about. When I am at my worst, it is because I feel I am just existing and letting things pass me by. Sometimes I get overwhelmed, but I am also always trying to find beauty in things, focus on small joys on purpose, and be kind to myself.

These were really fun, thank you!!

Prompt list here - send me an ask!

[patricia-von-arundel]

Same person. I understand what you are saying. It's just difficult, especially, as you said in the case of applications. I have an asian name. So I know when I apply somewhere I have checked my english several times over, but when they see my name, they have this idea that I cannot speak well, you know? It stresses me out. I have frequently been told, "oh you speak english so well." well yes, I have lived here since I was 10. But I still struggle.

Okay, yeah, that is not okay. Ever. That's racism, pure and simple, and it's not acceptable. I know it happens - friend of a friend got told once she's been turned down for a job because her name "looked black." She was white, but regardless, that is not acceptable. At all. Ever.

I know the psych studies where the same application for a job or apartment gets accepted more readily if the name "sounds" white, compared to something perceived as black, or Asian, or Middle Eastern. Again - not acceptable.

I wish I had a solution, but I don't. I know the pressure on people with "ethnic" names to pick an "American" one, too. Which, fine, if you want to. But you shouldn't have to. I sometimes get the Italian version of my name when I'm in Rome, just because it's easier for people to say (so "Emily" becomes "Emilia" or "Emmi"). I don't mind, but that doesn't mean others feel the same. I have yelled at my mother for saying "I'm not doing the accent" when pronouncing my girlfriend's last name. You try, or I am not fucking speaking to you.

You try. Because that is someone's NAME. Their identity.

You

Fucking

Try.

When I was 12-ish, I was asked to help out a girl who'd just moved to the US from Vietnam and knew almost no English. When she'd first arrived, the woman helping her family had "assigned" them new names. Because they needed American names! Names people would recognize and could pronounce!

So I was introduced to "Tammy."

We were friends long after I'd stopped helping her with English. And it was a few years before she could really explain just how much she did not want to be "Tammy."

Her name was Thu Nu. Not even hard to say.

They hadn't given her a choice, when she didn't know how to argue.

That's bullshit.

I have a strong accent in Italian, especially on the R's. I can't say my girlfriend's name properly. It's a name we also have in English, but said differently. I do my best - not the English pronunciation. The butchered Italian-R version.😆

I've been annoyed enough of my life that my parents used my middle name, leaving me dealing with "huh? But I thought-" every damn time I have to fill out anything official.

I hate it.

So I'm very defensive that names should have no stigma, I do my best to say them "right," and if I screw it up, please feel free to laugh at me.

I'm sorry you deal with that. There is absolutely nothing about a name that inherently denotes language mastery or native language(s). My father has an insanely "Southern white trash" legal name. He's a neurosurgeon. 🤷‍♀️

But I take it back - sometimes a name does have a particular meaning behind it. My grandfather could tell you. He got stuck changing my diapers. I'm sure I deserved what he called me until the day he died:

Stinkpot. 🙃

[fuji09]

I assumed they were 16 since Stiles and Scott can drive. You can have a learners permit at 15 but you have to have a licensed adult in the front seat.

Hardship licenses are rare, and can be given to 14 and 15 years olds but only in extreme cases like they have to work for their family to survive, like the adults can't work due to illness or injury. Also farmers kids can qualify as well. Stiles and Scott neither have this problem or are farmer's kids, although Scott does have a job already and the McCalls had some financial issues, but nothing that would give reason to Scott qualifying for a hardship license.

Freshman = 9th grade

Sophomore= 10th grade

Junior = 11th grade

Senior = 12th grade

I don't know why they have the grades names, honestly just saying 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th grade is so much easier.

Allison made a big deal about it because people jumped to conclusions about why she was older, held back, pregnancy, and stuff like that which unfortunately teens pick on teens for those reasons. Yeah, it's unusual for someone in 10th grade to be 17 unless held back, but I do admit Allison made a bigger deal about it then it really was, but it seemed like she was picked on a lot for it so I dunno. Allison admitted that due to her family moving around so much she had to retake a year. Kinda different from being held back because she didn't fail the year, she just missed too many days and didn't quality to go to the next grade.

The age of consent is different depending on which state you're in. California it's 18. I'm from Texas and it's 17. Where I live now in Arkansas it's 16. It ranges between 16 - 18. I hate it honestly, should be all one age across the board. Drinking is also different depending on which state you're in. Texas it's 21. Oklahoma it's 18. Since Oklahoma was like wish hours away from the Dallas area, it was common for 18-20 year olds to go to Oklahoma to drink legally. Smoking legally used to be 18 but has been changed to 21 to try to get less people smoking. But you can still join the military at 18 and vote at 18. It really is weird the ages that are chosen for certain things and vary depending on which state you're in.

But yeah if I knew someone was 17 in 10th grade I'd just assume they were held back. It's nothing to be ashamed of but unfortunately people act like it is even though it's pretty common. I was one of the older kids because my birthday is in December and depending on the cut off date you're either one of the younger kids or the older kids.

I've been watching Teen Wolf for ten years now and only this month learned that Stiles and Scott are supposed to be sixteen in season 1/2. That's. That is so wild to me I always fully believed them to be 15, never questioned or doubted that.

And the reason for that is Allison.

It was made out to be such a big deal that she turned 17. That it made her "older" because she'd been held back due to all the moving around.

So, the obvious and logical conclusion for me was that Stiles and Scott thus must be 15 years old when she turns 17.

Because this? Them being 16 when she turns 17? Makes absolutely no sense?

Every 16 year old will turn 17 next! That is how numbers work! So why would this "yesterday I too was 16" year old girl act like it's weird or makes her ""older"" that she... turns 17?

The only way this would have qualified for being a big deal was if she was actually a year older than them due to being held back and not like a few months?

This is just so weird to me I have no idea what to do with that. Why would she act like she is a freak of nature, girl you are nine months older than Scott and Stiles. That's not even a full year. Absolutely unhinged behavior to fuss about that like you're an old spinster.

[nonokoko13]

Child!reader being adopted by spy x family characters Pt. 2

As I said in the previous part, these adoption headcanons are really specific, including your hypothetical pronouns and name; these two are extra so you can imagine yourself with your name and desired gender. You can ask for less specific headcanons if you want too. Part 1 here

Enjoy!

Sylvia Sherwood

How you met

She carries the responsibility of WISE, she needs to be committed to it. More than ever now that the peace was threatened every day by those who wanted war to arise again

She missed her family, but she overcame it. Just like the HQ she had to be impenetrable

At least, that's what she thought

Because right in front of her there was the question which answers she wanted to hear. A kid.

It would be normal to see one if she wasn't at the HQ

It didn't help no one knew there was a kid there until you spoke up

The camera system didn't record you and there wasn't any entrance to the agency that had been forced. You weren't any employee's kid either

After scolding them and order to search your parents she met you again

"Hello little one. May I ask you how did you get in here?"

You smiled, seeming to have been waiting her to ask

"Because I like to play and explore! And I'm really good at hide and seek"

Sylvia raised an eyebrow. No matter how well someone was good at hiding there was no way you could break into the HQ; it sounded surrealistic

"But how did you find this place?"

"Because it was easy to find"

"Don't you think you could end bad breaking into unknown places?"

"If I don't know what isthis place how I'd know that?"

Fair enough

That conversation wasn't going anywhere, yet she was angrier with the security staff than you. You didn't look worried though

You gave her an idea

"Do you want to play with me?"

Both entered in the nearest police station, she talked with the officers before telling you to count until 1000 while she was going to hide. You started the count facing a wall

She felt bad, but there were some traffickers she had to catch before they made the exchange

She was following their car; everything fine until she believed to see a small hand greeting her from the car's trunk

She returned to the police station to find out that moments later of her departure you disappeared without anyone realizing. She went to the point where the delivery would be made

Outside the abandoned warehouse there was no signal that you were there until she saw you getting out from under the car on the other side

Something caused a shooting that would make the police come and caught her at any moment. The bands kept shooting at each other while you were behind a transport container

"What were you thinking?! I told you to stay with the police!"

"I'm sorry, I counted until I know, then I saw you following the car, so I followed too. But before they caught me I hid in there...I'm sorry..." You pulled out a walkie-talkie

"I got two from the police station. I left one in there so the others thought the guys of that car were betraying them, it should have worked to scape with no bad guys seeing us"

She was impressed. However, there was no time to ask where you learn that from

Analyzing the situation the principal scape was blocked, fortunately they hadn't noticed you yet so–

You pulled her shirt, pointing somewhere else

"Let's get out"

General headcanons

Sylvia was still surprised that your plan of exiting through a rear window she hadn't seen and walk away without hurry could work

She stopped walking to watch you smash the walkie-talkie and take out some matches to burn it

"Now they can't find footprints!"

The police may not get answers about it but she had many questions for you

She lied to you about the HQ, after the shooting her lie was on the floor. Thenceforth Sylvia's not able to tell if you were playing along and keeping her secret or you have no idea what's all about

You thought her name was Handler. When you knew she was called Sylvia Sherwood you pointed your hoody logo and say "S of Super, you're superman–Superwoman!"

That's how she begun to be mistaken with an endearing mother and her son. She was superwoman and you "kid", because you said that's how you were called, along with child, shrimp, demon...

"That's unacceptable". She handed you lists of names to choose, unfortunately no one convinced you

It wasn't until you two went to a jewelry store that you found the name

The casual way you break in HQ when you want still frustrates her, how do you do it?? You don't see big deal though

Fullmetal lady didn't remember how tough was motherhood

Anyone would freak out if they found out about spies. Yet there you are, admiring flying guys in underpants

Sylvia asked you about your family, but you always tell the same: you lived with dad until he left you with a woman that he said was your mom

The Handler found out your father is a repeat offender, currently on a maximum security prison in another country. Both him and the woman without offspring legally

"Please, don't tell me one of his criminal records is jailbreaking"

The informant doubted "Actually, that's the main one"

"..."

The Forgers

Scenario where it's up to both of them to adopt you. To keep Loid's mental sanity safe it will be independent of the timeline where Yor has a kid on her own, feel free to imagine both kids being Anya's siblings at the same time. You can ask me to include that idea if I write more about this

How you met

As I said before Twilight wouldn't adopt anyone due his job, only one kid for Operation Strix and that was Anya. For now Yor didn't want more kids, she loves Anya and that's enough for them

Not for Anya. She wanted a little sibling

All started talking with Becky when Damian mentioned his brother. Back at home she brought the topic and neither Pa or Ma were giving her an answer of where babies come from

That's when she begun to feel like being a sister. Any plan helped her to convince her parents though

Anya remembered something Mr Henderson told them. "If you want something, take it into your own hands"

And she took it too seriously

Next day Anya and Bond disappeared, she was in the dogs park with Yor

While Mrs Forger panicked Anya had returned to the place she met Twilight

As the time passed the Forgers worried more. When they found Anya and Bond at their building's door they felt relieved

Your presence didn't make things better

They asked Anya where she had been and where did you come from. She said she adopted you

Of course Anya wasn't going to say she broke into an orphanage and took you

Loid's scolding made you cry

"Anya, we aren't adopting–"

"If she's not my sister I won't go to school ever again!!"

"Just for a trial period" that's what Loid hoped

General headcanons

Loid thought babies were easy because it's unnecessary (more impossible) communication with a living being that can't talk; after all babies only have basic needs. He was wrong

It would be easier if you could talk. Why are you crying? You have eaten! Are you sad? Cold? You dislike him?

Yor is not better either. Because her parents died when Yuri was a kid Yor didn't have experience with changing diapers, or anything related with babies

She was more scared than Loid to the point she didn't want to hold you. She broke Yuri's ribs with a hug when he was a toddler, what if she kills you with few contact?

In less than 24 hours you already had a crib and all kinds of things a baby would need. However, having three bedrooms and parents sleeping in separate rooms meant all your things ended in Anya's room

You cried at night until they discovered you calmed down when Anya let you a plushie to hug

She can't wait for the day pa and ma share bed to take back her bedroom

The second night Anya had an idea

Ma is scared of being your mom, solution? Leave you in her bed while Yor is asleep imagining that would work

Thanks God Yor doesn't move much when sleeping. On the other hand Yor is a light sleeper due not being used to sleep with someone so she woke up minutes later

She almost jump out of the bed, realizing that would make you cry made her contain. You groaned, did she wake you up? Yor wasn't sure of holding you, instead she laid down again and approached you to her chest

Seeing you so peaceful by her side melted her, thinking about it you looked a bit like her and Loid.. She blushed at the embarrassing thought

Bold of them to not imagine that's why Anya chose you

In the morning Loid discovered what happened and had a little words with Anya during breakfast before she went to school

Yor went to work and he decided to take a day off from his work to spend the morning with you. The Handler said the first days you should see them to recognize faces

Walks with Bond, buying toys, trying to teach you sign language...Normal stuff

Loid is glad you don't do anything but sleep and eat, except your obsession with munching. When you first kissed Yor he found it normal until you munched her cheek and now you do that to everyone; probably you're teething

Yor found it really cute, but you shouldn't go kissing and chewing cheeks. Anya thinks is funny just don't try to chew her hair again please

Another problem came with names. Loid was going through a list of 850 names in alphabetical order, meanings included; Yor didn't take it to the extreme

"Hum, what about Rose? I think it's a cute name, I mean it's both decision and I'm not good with names Loid–"

Welcome to the family Rose

A spy, an assassin, a telepath and... Well, a baby. Seems like a good mix

Yor Briar

As we know Twilight only would adopt for Operation Strix's sake. Yor became mother by marrying Loid, but what if she had already a kid before being Mrs Forger?

Inspired by this post of @say-seira

How you met

Long ago before Twilight adopted the identity of Loid Forger, the Briars moved to a flat in Berlint

While the eldest sibling had recently become an adult Yuri was only a kid, Yor decided to move to the city so he had nearer his school. It was possible due her proper salary as Thorn Princess

This change would make her job easier too. She had a new client which death could pay Yuri's entrance to a good university

There was a politician who negotiated with terrorists, helping them to get into Ostania and providing them with weapons in exchange to gain good propaganda abroad and getting rid of competition

Knowing this was enough to make Yor's blood boil. He deserved to die, she was sure of it

Struggling with the security around him, Yor finally killed the target without leaving trace

The only inconvenience was a bad injury made by a bullet that she received. After removing the bullet the wound got worse

She went to the hospital to avoid an infection. In the waiting room she met a kind lady, Yor swore that she had seen her before

The woman was scared, but Yor reassured her she will wait her

While Yor was attended the girl was taken to another room. As she promised, Yor waited in the hall after her wound was treated; with a buttoned medical gown on because she didn't want to attract more attention due the bandaged wound in sight

Time passed and many people enter and exit from the room, but she didn't. A nurse carrying something mistook her for one of the staff and scolded her for standing there

"Here, take the baby to the nursery"

"Me? But— wait! What about the woman? Is she okay?"

From afar she heard the answer, but before Yor could explain the error the woman had left. She was shocked, how? She seemed fine

Against her will the dark-haired looked at the lump she was holding: rosy cheeks babbling in dreams, you were in peace

Her shock grew when she saw you shared the username that the man she killed had. That's why the woman was familiar: she was the politician's daughter

Yor searched someone who hand the baby when she recognized the doctor that guided the woman to the room, he was talking with a masked nurse

The fact they went to a private place and maintained their voices low made her suspect

"Did you take care of the mother?" the nurse asked

"Yes, they got ahead of us with her father but I think they will pay us anyway. When they found it was a medical negligence we'll be far from here"

Yor understood they were assassins as well, probably paid by a rival. Luckily they hadn't seen her yet

"Heh, do you they will pay more if we got rid of the baby?"

Yor left the hospital with you, unsure of what to do. Did you have more relatives? The widowed politician didn't have more kids, and your mother came alone. What if they wanted to kill the rest of the family?

A small hand grabbed hers, and every fear disappeared. Looking at each other, she knew you were safer with her. Perhaps it was only guilt or sympathy, but she would try

General headcanons

The moment Yuri saw Yor holding you was in disbelief. Yor said she found you in the streets and he believed it

At first he tried to convince her sister to leave you in a orphanage but once scolding was enough to cease

Still disliking you for the first months. It took some time until he saw you like one of his family

Yuri helped, although they had a rough time because you refused to eat Yor's purees. Your endurance might grew up to make you the only person who can eat her food without bleeding but it doesn't mean you like its flavor

She viewed you as a sibling until you were two, being called mom made Yor too happy to correct you. Yuri was just Yuri, you never feel like using formalities with him or addressing "Uncle" everytime you talked

Yor decided to let your belongings, it was better that way. When you were older, and only if you wanted, she would tell you the truth

She's bad with names, Rose was the only name she could think of but you're a boy. Yor's parents loved that Yuri and her had matching names, therefore you would be the sweet addition to it

The only name I could think of is Yuu because it's gender neutral and means "you" sorry

During the first year of your life she didn't try to hide the blood of her clothes from you. Yuri never suspected either and you wouldn't remember it when you grow up

Your lack of childhood amnesia was something she didn't have in count. Not that she knows you know anyway

Yor has been training you since you were able to walk, if she wasn't there when you needed at least you would be ready to defend yourself. Proud to say you're her strong boy

That said, if the assassins that tried to killed you found were you lived it's something you ignore. Being the protective mother Yor is they could be dead by now

Six years later, it was still Yor and you against the world, with Yuri being the only paternal figure you had. Before one day she met a man and everything changed

She said he will help her by accompanying her to a party so Yuri stopped worrying about her. She said it would be one night, and the next morning you woke up with Yor waiting to talk with you

In part she accepted because of you; you passed the Eden exam before knowing you needed a dad for it. That requisite seemed stupid for you, as you reassured her you could go to any other school; now you would be accepted into the best school!

You agreed and started packing. What else you could do? The decision was made before you were asked anyway, and you didn't want to argue with your mom because she was doing it for your future too

Of course it affected you. No matter how nice they were it was a huge change; in one day you had to move to a new place which didn't feel like home and live with strangers who you'll have to share mom with isn't easy

Anya was nervous too, but for different reasons. She was so excited to meet her soon-to-be sibling! For her, who was an orphan last week, having a pa, a ma and a friend to play with was great

Her expectations went down when she read your mind. You didn't think bad of them, but excited wasn't the word to describe your emotional state either

Loid may not be good at understanding children, but it was clear for him you wasn't comfortable. For him would be weirder if you didn't seem affected at all

On the contrary, Yor seemed cool with all of this to you. Even without any idea of how to be a wife or mother for Anya she enjoyed her time as Forger, which confused you a bit

Yor is happier, not only because she didn't have to worry about the SSS or Yuri anymore. They make her happier, it's just matter of time she could fall for Loid and have a baby that was her own, real kid

Being sure Yor loves you and your new family want you to feel welcomed doesn't make disappear the feelings you carry with. Still, if mom is happy you prefer to keep it to yourself and try to maker her smile too

If it wasn't because Yuri hates the idea of her sister hiding her marriage for a year and sympathized your situation he would have laughed at the irony when you told him during your uncle-nephew walk the next day of his meeting with "Loiloi"

He doesn't know they got married before you attended school so he assumed you had been holding it for a long time. He passed his fingers through your hair

"I understand it's difficult, but I'll be for you whenever you need me"

+ Honorable mention to compensate you for the mild ansgt without warning

Daybreak

We don't know much about him but I included this dork for fun

Thinking about "Daybreak" and "parenthood" makes anyone's mind stopped working

Mainly because it's difficult to say which one would be the child

Not "How you met headcanons" because he wouldn't be able to adopt to begin with

From what we saw in chapter 27 he seems to live alone, depending on his amazing spy career to afford pork steak for dinner. So he must not live too good given that after his first mission he was fired

If he had a child, it would be likely because of a previous relationship he had and didn't end well

He didn't adopt you. You're his biological kid, the only not adopted of this gang

Sorry we can't choose our family good luck ig

Not necessarily ended bad, even remaining as friends, your mother took a different path and is happily married with another man

If she knew he wanted to be a spy either thought "it's a joke" or *sigh*

She was who brought money in the relationship, now you live with her and your step-dad but at the beginning you didn't want to

Daybreak talked with you and promised you could visit each other and even live with him when he could afford it

They don't get it

Who would take care of him? The idea of living on his own was frightening to you

Imagine being father and is your kid who worries about whether pops know how to pay taxes without mom

You took after him in terms of appearance. Any signal of intelligence was from your mother

Average smart but surely smarter than him

Probably he thanked God that you were a boy. He will love whatever you are but he was relieved of saving himself of buying female products when you were on that time of the month and guide you through puberty

As much as he says to be a charming man he's not good with women either so

Your name is Sunny. Guess who chose it

Probably you see him more on weekends than during the week

Until you showed him Spy Wars he didn't have no idea that existed such good series

Of course not cooler than the legend he is but Daybreak jokes about how reading that and seeing your cool pops in action would make you half as good spy as he is someday

Quite sad is that your common sense along with the things you see on TV are enough to be better spy material

You try to watch it with him to see if he learns something

Unsure of what you'll be in the future but in the mean time you had fun watching cartoons and liking kids stuff like dinosaurs and skateboard

Current status: Busy with your first year at school and getting him out of trouble

[fourohfourlifenotfound]

RPF History: DNP vs DNF

I'm someone who has existed at the generational divide in fanfiction communities. I'm old enough to have started on ff.net and young enough to see fic recs for my Fandom on tiktok. Today I'd like to rant about how much RPF has changed in the last decade or so.

For those who don't know, RPF stands for real person fiction. Famously one direction falls into this category. I'm going to be comparing the two rpf fandoms I've existed in: Dan & Phil and Dream SMP.

Dan and Phil's peak on the internet fell into place with the first generation of youtubers. This generation went from nobodies making videos in their bedrooms to celebrities in an age where fame came from money or more traditional media. The difference between YouTube and traditional media was the focus on relatability. These were normal people, just like their audience. And as a result, a lot of boundaries got crossed.

Specifically in the case of Dan and Phil, there was a lot of shipping. Two nonmasculine emo guys living together for many years? Yeah, a lot of people had suspicions about their sexualities and relationship status. This isn't uncommon today: everyone looked at Dream and George in 2020 and thought the exact same thing, despite them living an ocean apart (this is likely a hallmark of the pandemic: the idea of love existing through screens and despite physical barriers).

The difference was that Fandom back then didn't know how to interact with creators. There were no norms for boundaries. This went far above and beyond awkward questions. People zoomed in, took screenshots and did analysis of everything. If one mentioned buying a fan to use on his bedside table while he slept and it was spotted in the background of a visitor's vlog in another room, then people flipped out. And there were things even worse than this deep cut analysis... if you were in this fandom, you might remember the fallout from the vday video. It was the wild west out there, and it hurt a ton of creators.

Dan and Phil also existed on the internet during a revolution in the fanfiction world: people stopped being afraid of legal consequences for writing fanfic. As a result, fandoms got louder and prouder about their fanworks. It became a lot easier to find. Dan and Phil, who have openly mentioned being on tumblr frequently, ran into it easily.

If you watch enough of their content, you can see Dan and Phil struggling to navigate their position as the subjects of one of the biggest rpf ships of the time. I distinctly remember Dan brushing off shippers at some points and then joking in a video about not caring if you wrote smut about him and Phil so long as you got his favorite Pokémon right. As time goes on, you see less vlogs as they learn to keep more of their privacy.

This fan-creator relationship now looks wildly different, from both ends.

You see creators learning from their predacessors to keep more of their privacy early on. Ranboo and Dream and Corpse are prime examples for not revealing their real names or their faces.

You also see fandoms respecting the boundaries of their creators far more. I can google the name of any dsmp member followed by "boundaries" and get a complete up-to-date list of everything that they are comfortable with their fans doing, from shipping to smut to art to names to pronouns. I've seen Ranboo fans being supportive of him keeping his privacy and not pressing for a face reveal after he expressed his discomfort; in fact, I've seen people weirded out at the idea of knowing what part of his face looks like because they're more used the idea of him keeping his privacy.

But despite all of this, I would say that rpf subjects haven't distanced themselves from shipping and fanfic; they've embraced it and gotten closer to their fans.

Heatwaves was historic in that it was the first fanfiction to go truly mainstream. It caused the popularity of its titular song to skyrocket and it got recognized by every content creator in that space. The author was uncomfortable with the ccs finding it initially, and rightfully so given the past boundary crossing of fandoms and reactions from creators. But they did find it, they made an account to read it, and they were okay with it.

Wilbur Soot is the first instance I've seen of a writer with a work that has an established fan base posting original content for that work to a fanfiction website.

And this week, Dream called himself a "toxic shipper" in a tweet. About shipping himself with his friends. This is very new for the world of rpf.

New Fandom: I want you to understand what it used to be like, where we came from. The norm used to be really bad for both creators and fans. I want you to think of this and keep improving upon what's been built.

Old Fandom: I want you to see how far new Fandom has come. They may not understand how to properly tag things or keep content where it's supposed to go, but they've made leaps and bounds in terms of establishing a fandom-creator relationship.

[amethystblack]

I've been backreading your asks and responses WAY more than is healthy. 😅 But one story I'm curious about is: What was your coming out + transitioning like? (You don't have to answer if you don't want to.)

I put this off for a while for no real reason, but I don't mind.

The first person I came out to was an-ex girlfriend. It led to us breaking up so I un-came out for a while. Then we were friends again and she moved in with me and started going out again but she was supportive now. She lent me some old clothes, helped me get new ones, and was there supporting me when I had the talk with my mom.

My mom has been very supportive by and large. She always told me she wouldn't mind if I were gay-- and, well, I am. Just not in the way she expected. Still, the initial conversation was not graceful on her part. She fought it from the angle of being very convinced that because of being trans, I would be targeted and beaten to death. She grieved, but then she educated herself and did her best.

I left my existing job after coming out to my boss. The workplace had "this is a safe space" type signs plastered all over it in the first place so I wasn't really concerned about her reaction-- but she basically said "yeah no surprise there". Still, we agreed I should leave the job because it would be difficult to keep the respect of our clients (at risk inner city youth-- lots of rowdy teenagers who had never met a trans person, etc. the decision was ultimately mine)

I started going to school full time in my last year of university. I couldn't legally change my name, but all of my professors were supportive. I was already in the gender studies course so that was probably part of why, but also I was lucky to be born in a liberal city.

When I presented male, I isolated myself from my peers. I didn't really have anything in common with boys, but I was afraid to reach out to other girls in case I made them uncomfortable. Then, after I realized I was trans (but before I came out), I felt like there was no point in trying to make friends under an identity that was going to go away. So for the first three years of uni, I basically just didn't talk to anyone. It made it easier when I did eventually present female. I didn't make any lasting friends still, but I at least had conversations and it felt much better.

Next was therapy to get clearance for HRT. I was able to find one who specialized in gender issues, but I was very prepared for a drawn out slugfest where I was waiting forever to 'prove' that I needed help. Because I was already full time, it didn't take that long. The main thing my therapist wanted me to be sure to do was come out to my other family members. Of those, I was mainly worried about my dad and my grandma.

I met my dad in town for my birthday and told him over lunch. He ended the conversation asking if I wanted anything for a present. I told him the only present I wanted was for him to accept me. That afternoon he went and bought me a 3DS instead. ...But after some time he eventually came around too.

My grandma was republican, conservative christian, would go on to vote for trump-- etc. I was quite sure she wouldn't be accepting, and I was ready to cut off my extended family entirely and never speak to them again. She was offended that I thought she would place her ideals above her concern for me as her grandchild. She didn't entirely get it-- but she ultimately was supportive of LGBT folks, and she was supportive of me. She had a hard time adjusting to using the right pronouns and name, so she and I ended up having a running joke where if she messed up my name, she would be like "Oh, just call me Harold." It was awkward to have to remind Harold (tm) in public sometimes, but not for lack of her trying.

Honestly I don't remember when I came out online, but people had thought I was a girl for years beforehand and I'd used the name Amethyst since I was 14 or so, so it was probably pretty unremarkable.

Changing legal documents was tedious but happened. Jobs were scary but I had passing privilege even before HRT. HRT was slow but being on it, feeling like I was getting better rather than worse, was all I really needed. Time and estrogen heal all wounds.

I've been a little choppy with this so it isn't too long-winded, and yet it's still half an essay. But I hope something in my experience can help you, anon <3

[meichenxi]

Hiya, sorry to bother you again but I just wanted to ask a quick question. I have dysgraphia (which makes it pretty painful for me to write any more than a page) but I'm also learning mandarin chinese, so obvi there's a lot of handwriting practice involved with that. Would it hinder my studies if I were to not practice handwriting and stroke orders as much as I should be?

Hey, no worries at all! I'm sick atm so have lots of time to spend on Tumblr :)

I can't talk much about dysgraphia in particular as I don't have any experience of that, but I can give you my thoughts on learning to practice handwriting in general!

Quick answer: unless you specifically need to handwrite for a particular purpose, handwriting isn't a necessary skill for modern living. Not being able to handwrite won't hinder your progress in the language in general. However, what will hinder your progress is not having a solid understanding of / foundation in how characters work. You CANNOT neglect this, regardless of whether you handwrite or not.

Longer answer:

The main question: what are you learning Chinese for? If you're not learning it for calligraphy or attending a Chinese university, chances are you just won't need to handwrite. Ever. I'm not saying that's ideal - it's kind of shit to be stuck without the ability to write on paper -, but at the end of the day, unless you clearly need it, learning to handwrite in Chinese is a very, very long process.

There are plenty of advantages of learning to write by hand (greater character recognition, facilitates memorisation etc), but if practicing is actively painful, I'd be worried that it could kill your love of the language - and nothing is worth that.

I'm perhaps biased, because I literally cannot write more than about twenty characters by hand. And that's not an exaggeration. Genuinely the most complicated character I can write by hand is probably 我. I did know once but now can't even remember how to write 晨曦 , which is part of my Chinese name. Ok, that's not really a good thing, and yes I feel mortally ashamed every time I admit that, but look, why else am I am on the internet if not to bare my sins for all to see...

I also won't be changing this state of affairs any time soon. Why? Because I don't learn in a formal classroom environment; because all my interaction with Chinese speakers is either spoken or via the computer, where I can type; because not being able to handwrite hasn't affected my reading or typing abilities at all; because taking the time to learn to handwrite for me, personally, just isn't worth it.

If you're learning it at school, university or some other formal setting and a regular part of tests are hand-written, then unfortunately learning to handwrite might be necessary. There are still, however, some ways to get around handwriting as much: asking to use a computer instead of handwriting in class is a reasonable accommodation and one that, if you are diagnosed with dysgraphia, the school legally should not be able to deny you. If it's for an exam, there should similarly be accommodations available: Chinese can be typed on all keyboards with just the quick installation of a pinyin keyboard.

Similarly, if you need to practice you could consider using an application like Skritter which lets you handwrite things into your phone - I don't know if this would be helpful with dysgraphia, but it's an alternative option and very well loved as a type of spaced repetition software. Perhaps worth looking into.

HOWEVER. However. Just because you don't handwrite often doesn't mean you shouldn't learn how characters are structured. Failing to learn about this will severely curtail your learning in the long-run. Characters are made up of phonetic and semantic components, and knowledge of those means that a) you can remember characters far easier, b) you can remember what they mean, and c) you can guess or be given a clue to how they're pronounced.

I did write an overview of this but I can't find it, so have a look at this instead: https://ninchanese.com/blog/2016/06/29/chinese-character-phonetic-components/

Since you mentioned stroke order, I'm assuming you're fairly early on in the learning process. Do you still need to learn stroke order even if you're not handwriting? YES. Yes, you do. I never handwrite usually, but I need stroke order for a) looking up characters I don't know in the dictionary on my phone, where the wrong stroke order means the software likely won't recognise it, and b) being able to copy words for whatever reason. I don't handwrite characters by memory, but I have the ability to copy them: I think this is hugely important for writing down vocabulary you see in the wild if you don't have your phone on you, as well as a myriad of other reasons. Knowing stroke order also hugely helps reading other people's handwriting, where strokes that follow on from each other are often joined in a (terribly, confusingly, awfully) squiggly way.

And now that I know stroke order, it means that if I ever do decide to learn to write by hand, the whole process will go much smoother.

On a similar note, I am very much of the opinion that again, regardless of whether you're going to handwrite long-term, everybody should learn the most basic radicals, phonetic and semantic components. Skritter does that; there are even Anki decks. Whichever way you choose is hugely important for your future ability to write if you ever have to, as well as your memory and understanding of characters. Your visual memory and reading comprehension will be vastly improved the moment you look at characters as units of meaning combined, often, of smaller units of meaning - rather than random squiggles.

Spend some time familiarising yourself with the different types of characters, the radicals, the common phonetic and semantic components (just google these and there are 2000 resources out there), as well as stroke order. This is all crucial, even if you don't learn to write by hand.

But as for hand-writing itself? I personally don't need it; you might not either. No matter the benefits handwriting has, the most important thing is that you enjoy learning, and keep moving forwards. If handwriting hurts you and is threatening your love of the language - it's not worth it.

I hope that helps!

- meichenxi out

[thisnoodlewritesao3]

CONGRATS ON 50 FOLLOWERS BB!! i am so unbelievably proud of u ^^ u so deserve it and many more to come!! & ur event is so unique i love it :o i'd like to put in a request but please don't feel obliged to do it if it doesn't sit right with you :3 could i get a piece with kyoutani where you have your enemy's name on wrist and your soulmate's on the other, and you can't tell which is which. i'm not too sure ab the genre..whatever you think is suitable :) also i go by mostly they/them pronouns! <333

This one had me a little worried, but I’m so happy with how it turned out. I hope it does all your wishes justice my love.

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In a world where everyone has some sort of soulmate mark, you couldn’t have hated yours more. Who wanted to live with the uncertainty of which name was your soulmate and which was your enemy? The one destined to love you and the one destined to hate you? You thought that it was ridiculous, you hate it so much that you covered them both. Of course you knew the names off by heart, if you ever found one of them, you’d let destiny lead you in the right direction.

It isn’t until your second year of high school that you finally meet one of the names on your wrist; you’re maybe an hour into the school day when someone bursts into your classroom. You turn to look at the intruder, eyes landing on a boy with bleach blond hair and two black stripes running across his head; from here, it looks like he was wearing eyeliner, and there was something more hostile in his eyes that made you shudder. His shirt was untucked, sleeves rolled up to just above his forearm. “Looks like you finally decided to show up, Kyoutani-” you flinched at the name, absentmindedly rubbing your left wrist. Maybe it was just a coincidence… “- you can take a seat behind, L/N, I’m sure they can show you everything you’ve missed this week.”

Kyoutani grunts, rolling his eyes before practically throwing himself into the seat behind you. And now all eyes are on you, especially when he starts to bore holes into the back of your head. Something tells you that you aren’t going to get along with him.

And you would be right. After the first day you don’t talk to each other, especially since he had been arguing with you most of the time - it all started when he said your notes looked stupid. You bit back that his hair looked stupid. Everything from there just spiralled.

Well, at least I know exactly who my destined enemy is.

Every time the two of you were forced to interact, there would be hell to pay. Things only got worse when the school’s notorious volleyball prince - Oikawa Tooru - figured out the relationship between the two of you. “Mad Dog!” He called down the halls one day. You watched something else inside of him shift and smirked.

“Maybe if you learned how to take your own notes, then you wouldn’t have to come begging me,” you teased, waving the notes in the air. You looked over your shoulder and something mischievous flashed in your eyes, “isn’t that right, Mad Dog?”

If murder were legal, you’re sure he would have committed it right then and there. A legitimate fear filled you when his fist flew past your head and into the wall, he was leaning over you, typical darkness in his eyes that was only heightened by Oikawa squealing. Your heart was racing in your chest - but neither of you moved, not until Iwaizumi pulled him away.

You almost felt bad for him - actually, you did feel bad for him. It was your fault he was going to get in trouble with upperclassmen. So you decided to be a kind person - not like you weren’t already one - and spend part of the night making him his own set of notes.

Only he didn’t show up the next day, or the day after that. In fact, he didn’t show up for an entire week and you were worried - which was stupid because why would you be worried about your destined enemy? Of course, you did what any reasonable enemy would and went to his club, you weren’t exactly nervous. They were only the volleyball club after all, what did you need to worry about? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Walking in was surprisingly easy considering how careful they had to be about Oikawa’s fangirls, although they clearly hadn’t noticed you. Not until you met eyes with Iwaizumi, “you aren’t meant to be here.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“Oh! You’re Mad Dog’s friend.” Oikawa ran over to you while waving with such glee, a cheerful smile toyed at his lips. “What are you doing here, darling?” You frowned at the nickname but let out a sigh.

“I’m looking for Kyoutani,” you mumbled, clutching the strap of your bag tighter. It almost feels weird to admit, “he hasn’t been showing up to class.” They all look at you like you’ve grown a second head and you have to actually check. “What are you staring at?” You say through gritted teeth. Oikawa laughs at your change in expression.

“Worried about him, are we?” He mused, only chuckling when you shift uncomfortably. “I thought you were ‘destined enemies’ or something.” You know exactly what he’s referring to and subconsciously rub your left wrist.

“Probably…” you look away from him, it’s like his eyes are piercing into you, “I mean, I don’t know. It’s hard to figure out, I’m just basing everything off of what I can see.” You slowly shrink in on yourself. “Does it even matter? I’ll never know who’s meant to be my soulmate unless I meet them both, you wouldn’t get it.” You didn't know why you were defending yourself, it wasn’t like it mattered. It was just simple, they all had it easier than you, even if some of them were harder than others. Two names just complicated things. “And so what if I’m worried?” You tried not to yell, “I’m just a human and I care about people when they get upset! Besides, it was my fault he got mad and I wanted to make it up to him…”

None of them spoke, staring at you with their mouths wide open. Heavy footsteps behind you barely managed to catch your attention and you turned around to find Kyoutani standing there, looking down at you. You freeze. How are you meant to react? How is he going to react?

He doesn’t say anything, not for a little while, it feels like a silent stand-off; you broke the silence by rummaging through your bag, searching for the notes you’d made specifically for him. They all watched curiously, even more when you shoved the notes onto his chest hard, knocking the wind out of him. For a minute, he stared down at the notes with confusion and wonder in his eyes; it made you uncomfortable, his normal aggression almost completely thrown out the window.

Something inside both of you changed when you locked eyes.

You wouldn’t say this is the day you realised that even destined enemies could get along, but it’s certainly the story you tell at your wedding.

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