#this will take a while though of course
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yet another chosenthought
#alan becker#animator vs animation#ava#ava tco#ava tsc#ava red#ava yellow#ava blue#ava green#i dont even know if they can sneeze. can they? god idk#they can cough (see actual short - smoke) so it wouldnt be farfetched that they can sneeze. i think. uh okay anyway#at this rate yellows just gonna take chosen and put him under a microscope or something to study him#of course that is an overexaggeration#though main point is it will be a while for the cg (yellow specifically) to see chosen as “”“normal”“”#you get me right. please tell me#lilacsart
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Christian Kane twirling props: a series. Part 1/?
Leverage Season 1
#christian kane#leverage#eliot spencer#christian kane twirling props: a series#this was a challenge issued by a mutual#i don't think she actually expected me to take it!🤣#but i am doing the fandom a public service here so of course i would!#might take me a while though#it does mean a hell of a lot of rewatching!#ghostly'sgifs
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Exactly because I'm selecting for a more horizontal type these birds who have a more upright posture end up looking strange and unbalanced, what do you think of his face shape? His beak is also much more curved then my other birds it looks a bit strange compared to my others.
Donuts for comparison
Talking about why Fax Machine might be a cull.
I think if I was someone who bred towards the serama SOP and not my own thing maybe I would like Fax Machine but compared to his brothers in terms of weight, type, and temperment for the stuff I'm selecting for I don't like him very much.
I don't know what do you guy think of him 😁?
#eventually#the birds im breeding shouldn't look like serama at all#this will take a while though of course#also i think hen feathering is hiding in my silks which is irksome and doesnt help
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Just curious what the average level of personal investment in these sorts of things is. Like, how much do people usually get into silly stuff like this their friends ask of them? etc. etc. Which I know, only surveying a small sample on a very specific website means I'm not getting an exact average idea lol, but.. curious nonetheless .. Maybe reblog for bigger sample size but also this is not very serious at all/not worth a call to action gbhjbhjb
#which I know this could be context dependent like.. maybe you'd normally dress up but on a week that#you feel sick you wouldn't or etc. etc. - but I mean.. GENERALLY. in the most general average scenario#where you have the average amount of health and free time that you always do. etc. just based on your personality#and level of investment in these things - what on AVERAGE are you most inclined to do#also of course assume they communicate with you ahead of time and are not like planning a part last minute#like 'throw together costume in 5 hours and show up tonight randomly' or etc. I would hope that if we're going with the#AVERAGE of things - most people's friends have better communication skills than springing entire parties#on people last minute lol#assume you have like.. a few days-a week or so to prepare. however ealrly people usually start talking about#birthdays. In my experience it's usually one or two weeks ahead of time. Like 'oh next weekend' or 'oh two weeks from now' etc.#ANYWAY.. feeling a little Sick again of course but still trying to get some photos or something posted#AGAIN i promise I am not going to exlcusively post polls and ntohing else forever hgkjgnekj#I just really really love the ability to post polls and have always my whole life been obsessed with surveying people#I used to think I wanted to do that as a career somehow like.. be one of the people that does psychological interviews#or produce interview asessments for a company or etc. etc. I am always the one friend in the group thats giving out custom made#surveys or asking for other simialr stuff (did you ever take an mbti quiz? how about enneagra#m?? oh yeah I know they're not really scientifically valid or antyhing but like... DID you take them?? huh?? did you??please?? ghjj)#I simply cannot resist.. posting a little poll every once in a while.. as a treat#whilst I still fall behind on like actual content and costumes and stuff gbjhbjh#New poll adventure should be not as much of a wait as the last one was though since I already have the writing#for it really. I just have to do the ms paint sketch. hopefully no unexpected other health issues will get in the way#*** *** ***#< (anytime I do these three star patterns it is an ocd compulsion not me bleeping out words or something just ignore it lol)#(it means something secret in my evil brain just pretend you do not see it. significant only to me)#BUT YEAH.. ... poll... what type of costume party atendee are you?#:0c
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(mgv) for a not-so-insignificant portion of his life, house was terrified of being suggestible to the alpha voice as john wasn't afraid to supplement his punishments with them so house would be physically incapable of not complying.
the first time wilson used the voice on house in a fit of frustration after house's incessant needling regarding wilson's obvious lack of life fulfillment ("you're not happy, you're just married."), house was genuinely afraid. he avoided him for days. wilson, mortified by his own loss of control and desperate to apologize, did Not let this be what killed their friendship, effectively (accidentally) sabotaging his own marriage to bonnie by prioritizing his relationship with house over his relationship with her. again.
#house md#house mgv#mgv#of course house forgives him#he is physically incapable of being away from wilson for too long even if for a split second he was genuinely scared of him#even once they're going back to routine and house acts like nothing ever happened >#he still has subtle tells he's readjusting now that he Knows that wilson could easily weaponize the voice >#to hold power over him just as john did to him when he was a child. fidgeting when wilson's in a bad mood or >#tensing if he gets too close before he forces himself to relax. wilson notices of course but doesn't say anything even though it kills him#wilson promises house he'll never do it again. house knows he will. and he does#though because wilson DIDN'T take advantage of house that first time house subconsciously takes to these slip-ups as exposure therapy#like house flustering wilson with dirty lines to the point where wilson uses the voice when he tells him to shut up#which serves to prove to house he WAS getting more riled up than he let on#while also showing through wilson's immediate regret that he cares about him enough to never use it against him#no matter how much trouble house gets into wilson doesn't use it to control him like some bad alphas would#cuddy even gently suggests wilson use the voice on house when he needs to be wrangled#and wilson pushes back every time bc he doesn't need to betray house's trust to tame him#which is true!! he knows house well enough to play him without weaponizing biology most of the time
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do yyou think you can share any transmasc lili or transfem raz design ideas you have
Ok ! I didn't have any designs planned out yet, so I took this ask as an opportunity to try my hand at it :] maybe I'll line and color this later, idk
(Any pronouns for Raz and he/they for Lili here ok)
#art#doodles#fanart#psychonauts#psychonauts au#razputin aquato#raz psychonauts#lili zanotto#lili psychonauts#I think they'd be around their early 20s here :]#I think Lili's known he's trans for a while. and been on t for at least 3 years at least#but Raz only figured out maybe a couple years ago and is not taking any hormones currently (I don't know if she would later either)#also I think he'd be pretty influenced by Frazie's style (hair specifically of course) while also still somewhat keeping the Sasha ish look#and inspired by Milla a little with the slightly more 70s vibe#while making it her own thing too though#and also they wear the scarf as a headscarf sometimes (like Lucy wore when she was young)#ohh and she's taken a liking to the nickname Pootie and allows for close friends to use that for it :]#also I wanted for Lili to look kinda like Truman while also still having Lili vibes#I might mess with the design more later but I think it's ok for now#they'd be a bit more chilled out when he's older I think though#I also think that he'd go by something other than Lili (idk what yet) but still allow that has a nickname with people they know#also I think both their hair would get curly when they're older. but Raz's especially#and I like to think they'd work at whispering rock during the summer when they're older also :]
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full versions of my de-sticked/hsr'ed version of triple threat
types + paths
#thsc#the henry stickmin collection#ellie rose#henry stickmin#charles calvin#triple threat#honkai star rail#a-u art dump#thsc x honkai#using honkai as a general franchise term here cuz. brainrot (this is technically hsr related but my actual aus are honkai impact stuff)#so consider this a placeholder tag for whatever this is. anyway#a lot of this was thrown together as this was meant to be like “what if they were designed like mhyv characters”#hence the assymetry and the eyes and. basically everything.#though theyre not littered with too many details though even im not that mad#but the idea of taking literal stick figures and turning them into complicated ass designs was funny to me so ofc i had to do it#i do have reasons for why some things are like That though..#the stick poses were drawn before i completely figured out the style so if they look wonky…thats why#and for the record while i have these now i still wanna draw them with orb heads so. just imagine these fits but simpler and orbed for that#i jsut havent figured out how i wanna do that just yet…#anyway designs may and probably will change over the course as i figure things out... cuz the shoes arent cutting it for me#this was already done a bit ago right after the “warm up” i just needed to fix stuff and write the ID#writing outfit descriptions is difficult when you are NOT good with words...#ellie puts the harm in harmony
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Messes - 3-
Hopps - @ickyguts teehee
#happy tree friends#htf#htf be brave#htf geshtu#htf hopps#hopptu#they are both so clueless#this is probably only a few months into Geshtu becoming a regular at the bar#also alcohol makes Geshtu more likely to engage in bein a little silly™️#but he has developed a fondness for this mortal informant#he has been learning much about the modern day civilization though…very informative#he’s missed so much while in hiding#perhaps this is why Theia sent him here#he’s not complaining of course#he’s worked hard for 66 million years it’s about time he got to take it easy from time to time#the defenses are breaking down
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another request from cohost! my friend asked for traditional inuk hairstyle like qilliqti, which is what i ended up going with! looking up the hairstyles sent me on a sidequest of looking at a bunch of fashion designers with modern takes on traditional clothes, so i also used some of those! so credits for that under the cut vv
jacket- https://www.instagram.com/p/C3QiKIdO0Jp/?img_index=5 jacket 2 (full fashion show with more angles, and a lot of super cool designs, also really cool music)- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yp_eAzDu8xU patch- https://www.bradorfabrics.com/products/inukchic-iron-on-patches-celestial-narwhal hair originally from the film atanarjuat the fast runner, but the specific screenshot is here https://www.pinterest.com/pin/53480314313400875/
#originally i was going to give her specific earrings too but they were covered by her hair so i couldnt get it to look quite right#of course for the hair specifically it was hard to find a reference that didnt link back to avatar somehow#but the pictures themselves are real so thats fine#i honestly dont think i fully did the hairstyle justice because braids are not my strong suit#even though i gave her braids in her regular design too#anyway i also was like if im putting her in modern clothes lets make it the modern au. and im signifying that by having her play geoguesser#its actually openguesser tho bc geoguesser makes you pay now???#i wanted to play a round to use for the screenshot but i wasnt about to pay money for it so i played openguesser instead lol#also i kinda just wanted to play it too. not gonna lie#but yeah i really hope i portrayed everything well esp since im taking direct inspo from real designers#i wanna make sure everything is credited. so many of those designs are gorgeous and you guys should go look#and while i went with a more casual everyday look here i would love to draw her in something more intricate sometime too#so yeah i hope it all came out well enough 👍 and that i did the req justice even if im not great at braids#its good practice right?#finn's art#finn's ocs
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David Eilander "the Magician"
You might've seen him before at @thecrimsonvalley-creates since we came up with this face together!
I personally headcanon that he's got dubious eating/sleeping habits. He sometimes cuts meals by smoking and consuming large amounts of caffeine and sugar. As shown here: drinking Rusty Lake Cola, made with genuine Lake water. There are no side effects to this drink. Don't worry about it. :)
#rusty lake#david eilander#mr rabbit#finalmente here's the boy in my style!#I was only going for portraits at first but I couldn't take the fullbody idea ouf of my head#he's just taking a small break here#of course he gets a full meal after a while#(= consumes everything within his reach)#listen this was a boy who complained about his blood sugar being low#Is he diabetic? Maybe. Did he suffer from malnourishment? Maybe. Does he have a fast metabolism? Maybe.#Is he going to compensate it all by stuffing his face with sweets even though this is another life/body? Absolutely.#He's got no fuck to give anymore#Life (as much of a ''life'' as *vaguely gesticulates at RL* is) sucks so he might as well enjoy things you get me?
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what’s Bright Storm like? Since she didn’t get fridged like every woman in the original dotc series
She was always curious and dependable. Bright Storm's the kind of gal who would give you the shirt off her back if she wore a shirt to give you!
Long before they set off on the Sun Trail, she would occasionally confide in Clear Sky how much she wanted to see the world. Travelers aren't unheard of; this was before the Tribe split into its 3 separate Wards and welcomed a lot of comers and goers, but it's not that no one had ever left before. It was more that she had friends and family she was committed to.
Clear Sky pressured her into it, reminding her of how much they'd see, how they'd raise their kits somewhere new, and that he'd be sad and alone forever if she didn't come. Every chance he got, he was bringing it up. He was always her weakness, she hated letting him down.
Her dependability was based on how good of a listener she was, even Gray Wing the Wise appreciated it. She was always keeping an eye out for people's wants and needs, making connections between little 'tips' she'd heard from one source or another. After Gray Wing's death, she found herself in demand for this ability.
She couldn't make a plan quite AS good as xem, but she was better at making a plan into a 'group project.' She'd brainstorm and encourage everyone to join in, putting their brains together until it all fell into place. She could be good at delegating authority based on it, too, though Tall Shadow had much more confidence than her.
And really it's her confidence that holds her back, and can you blame her?
She tried to keep Jagged Peak alive for a moon, but barely caught enough for herself, let alone him AND her unborn kittens. But how could she go back to the camp and just pretend he wasn't out here, dying?
When she goes shuffling back with her son in tow, it was humiliating, it was heartbreaking. It became soulcrushing when Clear Sky rejected her again. With just a few words, she doubted everything.
...was she capable of knowing if she was interpreting this sign correctly? ...had she done the right thing, or did she just make everything complicated? ...he's right, it must be her fault the other two died, if she hadn't--
Tall Shadow interrupted this thought spiral, but Clear Sky is like an infection in her mind. She'd tell you, in a moment of shame many years later,
"I wasn't strong enough to beat him. No no honey, I mean it like the truth. Clea-- Skystar now, he's powerful if nothing else, and he makes you believe it too. It's a special sort of person who can say no to that. I said a lot of his words before I even realized I still had his tongue in my mouth."
Bright doesn't realize how smart she is, because she's so smart she realizes how little she knows. And that can make her doubt herself. She's genuine and caring, but susceptible to more self-assured people making her doubt her own judgement.
But there's no one else Thunder Storm would rather have in his corner, that's for sure.
#BB!Bright Storm#Better bones au#BB!DOTC#She's a mix of Storm and Bright Stream#But more Bright Stream than Storm#Storm is... unfortunately a very typical WC fridgewife. A bit sassy and curious#Though I do like her slow realization that she's in a bad relationship#which of course they throw out the window by making her apologize to her shitty ex LITERALLY while she's in her deathbricks.#''ough tell him im sorry for leaving after he got my friend killed in a pointless border dispute'' shut the fuck up erins.#She Would Not Say That#But Bright Stream... she was actually super interesting and no one talks about her OTL#Girl who gets pressured into leaving her family behind when she doesn't want to!!#Friends with Gray and doesn't really know about his crush!!!#Was FRUSTRATED with Clear and how he wouldn't LET her make her own choice!!!!!!#BRIGHT YOU WERE DONE DIRTY IM SO SORRY#I TAKE A HAMMER AND I FEEX THE CANON#So yeah she's a bit more Bright Stream than Storm but still very much a composite#She's taking all of Storm's roles anyway
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an idea i invite anyone else to write about / run with lol....
the premise that The Change gets all messed up for alberto, say it's something that can happen from stress, &/or happens rarely and you just have to wait for it to resolve itself....used as some parallel to struggling through some emotional turbulence / upheaval / questioning / Realizing Things, etc etc
#luca 2021#pixar luca#alberto scorfano#another idea i've failed to write for & so invite anyone else to run with: ciao alberto but what if he peaces out by swimming off lol#ends up in a coastal town maybe an hour's swim from genoa. but not Getting In Touch w/anyone for a while b/c plausibly he thinks that#giulia may not be a fan of him now by extension; just being too embarrassed asf to reach out to luca kinda lol....luca off doing his own#thing just fine & alberto not wanting to write him now like b/c i Ruined Everything again ahaha....#and by ''not in touch w/anyone for a while'' who knows. months; a few years even....might stumble across news of him b/c like.#say more sea folk are coming to land / more humans know abt them & not many places are as [harpoon]ly from the start anyways#portorosso exceptional in that way....maybe where alberto settles down they're like legendary but also considered Good Luck anyways lol.#anyways like some people know of him who might; say; swim down to portorosso. have their own teen who knows a teen who mostly lives on land#most convenient re sparking [wow could they mean Our alberto] if he doesn't go so far as to take up an alias lol. but why would he....#that difference in that massimo might figure that however alberto was surviving before; he could continue to do so now; but even though tha#is some comfort it's still Not Actually Enough....feeling way more Parentally towards alberto than his biological dad like that; obv#and anyways re: this [The Change gets messed up] idea it's more of an inconvenience lol but one that could still have some significance#like if he first finds out the issue exists via hopping right into the ocean; failing to change forms; never being human form'd in water b4#thee worst....crash intro course to the experience of drowning. observation of How Humans Swim / being able to grab any part of the boat...#and besides That unpleasantness it's like; hey. where's my nonhuman form at#or; of course; being in sea form even while dry....especially if he's still dealing with Nonsense on land. which is presumed.#&/or if there's an upswing in nonsense b/c of Other ways you're Othered...ofc we can consider like; tfw you're a gay fish & maybe that's no#something that on its own would be like Aah until it's like well a) i kinda wanna do things that would make this Visible and b) i've learne#that humans also Have Issues about this kind of thing....#appropriately my tablet was also all thrown off. no pressure sensitivity; input sensitivity overall was rough#but i would've had to restart my laptop about it lol like eh i'll just work around it
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The Doctor needs one of those classes they give to expecting/hopeful parents but for humans. Get their ass enrolled in a parenting course. And everytime they get a new companion he has to retake the course.
#doctor who#dw#the doctor#inspired by the deleted scene of her just pushing amy out of the tardis doors into space#while amy was having an anxiety attack. YOU CANNOT DO THAT!#they have access to all of time and space the doctor has to be able to find a human parenting/caretaker course#bonus points if he ends up taking one for human children.#imgine youre travelling with the doctor and he leaves and comes back one day and says they enrolled themself in a human management course#and youre like 'oh thank god finally'#and then she just starts bubble wrapping the entire tardis and locking off entire rooms and giving you coloring sheets and stim toys#when you get bored#and starts taking you to like. fucking parks to play with other humans.#and starts carrying like fucking snacks like lunchables and shit everywhere and giving them to you at regular intervals#and you're like 'hey what the fuck.'#and you ask them what the hell they're doing and you find out they were learning to care for human TODDLERS.#and you're like. jesus fucking christ. explains so much. mildly disconcerting how much stayed the same though.#and so obviously you ask 'do you see me as a child?' and the doctor is like. ah. interesting question.#you know what else is interesting. OOOOOOO TELETUBBIES LETS LOOK AT THE TELETUBBIES OOOOOO EDUCATIONAL GAMES OOOO!!!!#LOOK AT THE SMALL HUMAN ON THE SCREEN WHICH PAIR OF SHOES MATCHES THE DRESS??? CHOOSE FAST!!!!!!#this could also open the door for an amazing bit though#where you start doing all of the same things back to the doctor and it works even better on them than it did you.#turn their ass into an ipad kid. they start arguing too much put his ass on minecraft pocket edition.#she just sits there for 1-3 hours. dead silence. you walk over like. 'hey. um. you good.'#no answer. you look ove rher shoulder. she has recreated ancient rome in minecraft in exact replica and is the reigning emperor.#they are roleplaying the roman senate with sheep and villagers. okay. can you please save the world now. please.#this is not to infantilize the doctor. he is old as shit. they are an adult. but by god can they be easily entertained.#not to mention that a key factor of the doctor IS their eternal childishness.#but they ARE a fully grown adult. beyond that even. ancient 'were you alive to see the dinosaurs grandpa?' ass motherfucker.#they are just also a masive loser. who would love minecraft pocket edition and lunchables. probably. who doesn't though.#bangers
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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I socialized today
#I know I had some awkward moments but trying is what counts :')#I like how my make-up turned out today#had a mini freakout and changed outfits at the last minute though haha#but I settled on something that I think looked decent enough#(I am still trying to get used to wearing clothes in my new size)#I am trying my best#I still think I'm a little weird sometimes but then I remember I need to give myself credit#it's been literal YEARS since I've left the house and talked to new people#of course it's going to take me a while to get back into the hang of it again#I'm happy though
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I think tonight may be the night I come out finally :3
Hopefully it actually happens this time. unlike my other attempts...
#i'm fairly certain tonight is the night#hoping for the best!#I'll post here if I succeed#might take a while though#I'll probably go to bed and post when I wake up#that is if it happens of course...
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