#this will probably my first job in a few months so.
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I am so sorry for my sudden impromptu ‘departure’ from RC9GN. You haven’t gotten rid of me yet. Now, I have been steadily working on Project Zero buuuttt updates on my life;
Things advanced during my job search. I’m a little less stressed, but I do have to work on a portfolio and once I’m done eating- I’m getting right to work on finishing. So!
Also, I’m going to be working on a few of my projects for RC9GN- and a brand new storyline I came up with. I’ll be releasing more on that soon! If anyone’s interested, I can talk about the polycule (Randy/Howard/Debbie/Theresa)!
I have a lot I’m brainrotting about, but this will all come once my portfolio’s finished. Wish me luck because I desperately need it-
~ Destiny (They/Them)
#destiny talks#small post#updates on my life#personal updates#randy cunningham 9th grade ninja#randy cunningham ninja total#rc9gn#randy cunningham#hyperfixation#im hyperfixating again#can you tell im hyperfixating#everything will come back in order once i finish my portfolio#wish me luck#this will probably my first job in a few months so.#i’m nervous#job updates#job applications
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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the complete eri guidebook (2023) full version under the cut ♡ pdf ver. happy birthday @xiaojuun !! <3
credits. with the help of: meg (@hozierbyrne) // brina (@aquablues) // aléks (@possession1981) // vianey (@souladies) // lili (@ninqz) // aweks (@awek-s) // miha (@jaebeomtual) // rachel (@gnanii) // mare (@dongkwan) // ro (@sunghanbin) // rosie (@kimjiwoong) // lulu (@fushigojos) // sofi (@yukuz) graphics: gift boxes // broccoli // orange fruit watercolor // lip print textures // notion-style scribbles // healthcare vector icons // human anatomy icons // film cutouts pack // 3d travel icons // drinks vector icon set // coffee outline illustration pack // baby vector icon pack
#*mine#oorieri#genuinely thank you SO MUCH for participating @ everyone who did . and if i didn't contact u ... im so sorry i probably didnt fully realize#that u were friends with eri um . sowwie#thank you for finding the time to think about this and . for those who did . for sending in your answers i lob u this is only possible beca#because so many people agreed to help...#a note to meg!! specifically!! because you did so much (from being my first interviewee and my lab rat to responding to the few questions i#had . to suggesting people to include and offering your help with contacting some people (although it did not work out in the end as i said#i really appreciated the thought!!)#note for meg (2): i ended up not being able to use indesign at all... it was too big for my poor little tablet skjsk i got rlly excited abt#n downloaded it strategically for the free trial to expire today or tomorrow but. had to uninstall right away... sighs)#special thanks to lili for being so sweet . i think we became a bit closer through the messages we exchanged in between this project <3#special thanks to rachel and mare who i know are both really good friends with eri but who aren't exactly familiar with me... i was really#nervous messaging you both so thank you for being so sweet and for participating despite life not exactly helping!!#note for rachel: im sorry i ended up casually calling you rachie in my head the past month or so .. forgive me#special thanks to lulu for being willing to participate#a big thank you to everyone for opening up#and thank you to gabi and sarah who did try their best to find the means to participate#big thank you to gimp for crashing so many times while i was making this & to myself for overriding one of the most important files acciden#accidentally. good job#and finally. the BIGGEST thank you to OUR BELOVED ERI who. clearly. is just the biggest sweetest sunshine & the bestest friend to all of us#thank you for everything always ... i hope you're sleeping well by now#and of course: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i truly wish you all the best today. and this month. and the next year and the next one and the next one an#i love you. <3 i really do#and so does everyone! clearly!!
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#hhhhh I'll probably delete this later but if i don't physically put these thoughts somewhere I'll maybe explode.#but fuck man. shit sucks fr! I highkey think I can't go to work tomorrow but yknow how it goes!!!!#I'm caught somewhere between finally being taken seriously about my health issues#and having the most wretched mental health crisis#like on one hand fantastic! I'm being taken seriously now its gotten to the point where I cant fucking walk normally#but on the other hand oh my god holy shit. i had to get this bad???? and I'm worried. i know theres shit so much bigger than me rn going on#but I'm worried about my health. especially when I've been trying to deal with it for the better part of like.... 5 years#since i was 19!!!!#I'm 24 and worrying about whether or not I'll actually walk about with 0 pain ever again isn't that fucked.#so that's bittersweet. ive got physio tomorrow. blood tests next week#an ultrasound coming up#its ultimately a good thing im being taken seriously. if not a terrifying acceptance that everything ive been feeling has been real and#well. bad.#and like with this right is the crash of my mental health. just a fuckin nosedive man.#i have a relatively stressful job i felt out of my depth about and thus guilty for but now its a role that I've approached in constant pain#for the last few months.#i can't deal with that actually! lots of stress! lots of pain! lots of mental pain over my physical condition! my job grinding my soul!#aaaaa!!!!!!!#like i dont WANT to be unemployed either#I'd much rather be uhhhh employed! and able to save money towards actually getting Help™#but I've got to admit that i hurt too much. and its consuming my whole fucking brain.#but I'll go on#ive got my first trip out the country solo next week!! im heading to san Fransisco!!! im excited.#but I'm worried for the inevitable moment where my pains catch up with me#ill surpress it while I'm out there. try and remind myself to have a good time. return to the uk and feel a weeks worth of pain#and even THAT sucks to consider#but i should stop#rambles
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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Hi im back . For some time
#.mimiming ❜#um . hi im gonna slee soon but i missed you all so much#umm first of all im trying to ccut down in screentime because my therapist told me to#second. after two or three months of convincing myself that i literally do not care im only going to school for just a few more days (onl#y today and wednesday) i literally do not care#i almost keep crying . because well um#idk. i was originally planning on cutting off contact with everyone#because of stuff thats happened before#but my friends. my current friends dont just treat me as a therapist or something so#also one of my wives would probably hunt me down and kill me if i tried to cut off contact#but ill still miss this stupid class and this stupid school and all the stupid teachers and students#and the horrible tasting canteen food#and the playground ive played in eight times total despite being here for 12 years#idk man#also because of my periods my mood swings were so much worse#and i just ..idk i needed a break ig#anyways im back for sometime then ill start looking for a job#me friend said maybe we can do something together#idk#you can always send me asks and dms tho 👍👍#im not really sure . like about anything right now#ill try to get the drawing requests done soon maybe#wild how time passes huh#god i need to stop acting like such a grownup im literally three years old
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there's so much manga i have to read it's unreal 😭
#for physicals i have 13 volumes of yona of the dawn. all of the rose of versailles. the first volume of the illustrated guide to monster#girls. and i need to reread tbhk or at least the first volume bc i told one of my kids at work that i'd let him read it while he's at the#program and i need to brush up on it bc it's been over a year.#and then for manga i don't have physicals of. i desperately need to reread and then catch up on kuro. considering everything the fact that#don't own the full series is a miracle probably prompted by how much my parents hated it up until the last few months when they suddenly#chilled tf out. i should get caught up on yuri is my job and finish killer in love. also i've sat down to read cocoon intertwined like 24#times and gotten distracted and didn't every single one. i've been meaning to reread ohshc and pick up kamisama kiss. fruits basket.#vampire knight. nana. the apothecary diaries and chainsaw man. and i should give goodnight punpun a proper read too#then there's all of clamp's works in release order bc i have two volumes of tsubasa but haven't touched them bc i need to go in#release order or i'll die. and now that i think about it i'm really behind on oshi no ko#+ i have a full google doc of manga i need to get too and this is just what i can think of off the top of my head so god knows#what else is in there#romeo.txt
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hello beloved tumblrinas. i will be back and active SOON. SOON i prommy there have been many things to update.
#big thing i quit my job ! so im no longer everyones beloved on the clock tumblrina unfortunately.#that was probably worst thing that came out of my unemployment. that and i miss the children..... but its okay bc i [REDACTED] next month 😳#what else. i mean i genuinely havent opened tumblr for so long i think ive like. opened it and rbed the first post i want and then closed i#and even then that was so few and far between help. prommy ill be better. idk if i got better or worse w/o tumblr but im on instagram TOO#much and that has DEFINITELY been bad so tumblr needs to become my only social media again !!!!!!!!#but also i just got back from my three week india trip...im too tired rn..
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Omg are you saying you will eventually restart the boyband polls?? Awesome!! I miss them tbh
It's been my intention for a while to continue all the polls from the other blog 😭 I just haven't gotten around to it yet..
#i got my first job a few months ago and its been busy and a lot of adjustment so ive been low on spoons#so once I paused the poll king polls I just keep procrastinating it 😔#asks! thank you!#that said i do definitely at some point intend to continue them. probably on this blog so it's a little less to manage
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i'm so bummed i accidentally turned town a job interview for a job where I could have worked with a good friend and mentor 😔
#i was telling her abt the preschool i got hired at and i was like yeah im worried bc the other teacher doesn't seem nice#and the student teacher ratio is really bad they're really understaffed and underfunded im just really worried it will be too much for me#and she was like oh you should apply to the school i work at bc we're hiring snd the ratio is great and the pay might be better also#and i never knew the name of the school she worked at until then#and its one i DID apply to but i told them nevermind after this one hired me 😬#but now i really wish i'd taken that interview#i'm going to call or email first thing on monday tho and hopefullyyy i can get in for an interview before i start my new job on thursday#so i wont literally have to take time off for it#and then if they offer me i will be able to tell the new job nevermind while its still early#either that or i'll try to stick it out a few months then apply to the other one for summer or something#but im not sure whether its best to quit immediately or let them think im dependable and staying then leave in three months lol#but mostly for the other job idk if it would ruin the opportunity to tell them nevermind i want the job a week after i said no#compared to a few months later#they might have forgotten me by then which would probably be good#idkkk#my first reference literally works there which will hopefully help and maybe they'll give me a break#the pay scale looks the same as the one i just accepted but i think they'll offer less bc they're not as desperate#but i literally dont care its such a better working environment#and the pay scale is the same so they would give me a raise after a few months#and the work will be so much easier#and the commute#and i Definitely know i can work with my friend#vs the co teacher at this new job who seems really intense and unfriendly#anyway!!#im really anxious abt this new job and i'll stay if the other place wont take me now#but i really hope they give me another chance#also its super close and easy drive and the commute for the other one scares me a bit lol#this has been a shitpost
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all thoughts, head full of ✨aventurine✨
+ a bunch of rambling/life updates in the tags, oops
#kayleigh.txt#y’all i seriously cannot stop thinking about this lil’ pixelated man 🫠#i officially have everything to fully level and max him and his lightcone and his traces 👏🏻#only e0s1 of course; i’m broke af 😅#hopefully for his rerun i can get some eidolons but alas not this time unfortunately 💔#he’s literally on the same level as kaeya in my heart; favorite hsr character for sure#(jing yuan has been demoted to my second favorite now because i am a silly goose)#i honestly never thought i’d be so adoring of hoyoverse characters but... here we are 🤷🏼♀️#actual legitimate feelings for real people??? ❎#actual legitimate feelings for fictional characters??? ✅#aNYWAYS the brainrot is really bad y’all and i apologize that my entire personality has been taken over by this man 🤡#i wish that i had an income right now so that i could commission some self–indulgent selfship art but alas 😩#once my irl bestie’s wedding and honeymoon is over on may 10th i will be going back to looking for a job 👌🏻#i’ve applied to probably 50+ jobs throughout the past few months and have heard absolutely nothing back 💀#i have given up for now; i have to get my mental health and autoimmune diseases under control first tbqh#i have a psychiatrist appointment on the 16th which i am terrified regarding but hopefully it goes well 🥲🤞🏻#and i am going to start a new injectable medication for my autoimmune diseases asap#i have to deep clean my house and revamp my reptile enclosures before i commit to a job as well ugh#i have to actually get my shit tf together before i start legitimately looking for a job again is what i’m saying 😂
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Some days it feels like I am just desperately trying to find reasons to live so I don’t jump off a bridge and it’s hardly even working
Edit: I have spent some very necessary kitten cuddle time and received some very sweet messages from people and I am feeling more sane, definitely recommend nice people and cats lol
#listen i don’t want to be complaining all the time but this is my blog and this is where I vent so maybe just ignore this#literally searching on Pinterest and google reasons to stay alive reasons not to kill yourself etc and all they want to give me is the#crisis line number lol#i really feel like ive surpassed my limit for things I’m able to take today#and it hurts really really bad like it’s just too much#i had my annual eval with my boss a little while ago and she hates me so much she doesn’t even try to hide it#and she just disrespects me and tears me down at every turn no matter how hard I try#and im still stuck in this job by contract until January first and this job makes me want to fucking die#like you Can literally spend your days taking pictures of bloody murder scenes and talking with witnesses and victims and such and she’ll#still say you aren’t doing enough or dedicated enough to this job#and i really went in there with the notion that I was just going to roll over and take whatever she threw at me because it’s not worth it#she turns everything into a fight and all of a sudden she’s going REALLY? you REALLY think you do (this function of your job that you#definitely do multiple times a week despite her skepticism like it’s literally in my memos there’s evidence#and something that I haven’t had the heart to talk about has kind of come to fruition today#about a month ago I was cleaning out my car in preparation for my inspection and I pulled out a box from the mouse infested storage unit a#few months ago that I was just going to throw out because that stuff disgusted me too much to look at#and we had thought we had checked everything and cleaned it all before bringing it in my car or house and I pulled it out and it had#burrow holes in it from#a mouse i literally stopped typing that tag because I heard one and I took the box out and over the last few weeks I thought I heard a c#creature scurrying but I was like I’m probably just paranoid this was from months ago it’s probably gone#and today on my lunch break I started to clean my car and low and behold I found it’s little nest home thing with all kinds of makeshift#bedding and I put down poison so hopefully it will eat the poison and leave my car to get water cause they’re supposed to seek out water#and it’s like honestly I’m not sure how much more I can take right now like I’m really trying to be positive and focus on the good and all#and i just kind of wish that I could decide to die and it would happen painlessly and I’d just be gone#it would be so much easier for everyone I think if I was gone
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Hrm..
#i just saw smthn abt ppl with adhd being the “star employee” for the first few months of their job and then burning out & losing it#i am now concerned#i should also finish getting a disgnosis tho b4 i worry#bc rn i am enjoying my job & every1 there says I'm doing well for how new i am @ this. and that I'm doing more than i actually need to#ie sorting stuff b4 i hang it up or putting them on top of the shelves in specific directions so they're easier to hang#i wanna keep my job so i have money T^T#i could probably learn how 2 do any job given enough time but the burnout feels like its already getting started#like- im already tired & wanna start working nights#aughhh#elliot rambles
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It feels like all I do is fucking apply for shit!!!!!! I hate it!!! Anyways I've found 3 interesting things today while trawling various websites (2 residencies, 1 job) that are very interestingly, all thematically related + align with some of the creative work I'm doing rn as well as some long-term goals for putting my degree to use. Maybe this means something? Anyway I'm applying bc the applications are very straightforward and I have done this so many times I'm now just copy pasting paragraphs from old applications and making small tweaks. Y'all wish me luck!
#I could do both residencies successfully. it'll be just one month btwn them but they're thematically related so it'll not b hard#and if any of the 3 jobs incl the one I'm about to apply to come through I can probably still manage that#bc nobody is really expecting output from anyone in the first few months of work at a nonprofit (tho correct me if I'm wrong#i have never been formally employed in the sense that my weekday time belongs to someone else)
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Wonderful news, after a month of flossing almost every day, my gums are finally no longer bleeding every time I floss!! 😃
#speculation nation#which online says it should only take a week or two. but! i have gingivitis.#so a month is kinda expected BUT ALSO im genuinely happy that i do seem to be making progress#i hate flossing. but my dentist was like 'if you dont improve your dental habits you Will be losing teeth'#so like okayyyyyy ive been flossing most days and i got a tooth paste for shitty gums and ive been using a fluoride rinse#and the gum pockets aka how deep my gums go next to my teeth are still pretty deep#but stopping bleeding when i floss is the first sign of improvement. i will get healthier gums!!!#just need to keep the habit up. i swear i will show up to my next dentist appointment and get such a good grade#they'll congratulate me and tell me i did such a good job and then probably give me invisalign. and/or a tooth cap lol#both are things they mentioned at the last appointment. for things to do after i improved my gum health.#tooth cap for my tooth that is like a third just filling. bc i broke the tooth years back eating a sour patch kid lol#one of my molars. one of the four prong things just done broke off. prong is the wrong word but ya kno#anyways i have marvelously terrible dental health despite having been pretty good about brushing for a few years now#such is my lot in life. it's genetics. oh well it's getting better and that's what matters.
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I will quite literally probably never accept that anyone likes me romantically
#whimsy whispers#whims woes#I already don’t believe anyone likes me generally but like#the only times people have liked me I’ve ended up dumped#the only time someone has shown interest in me first it was as I mentioned in the tags of my prev psot: a mutual who kept sending anons#saying they had a crush on wnd was in love with me while pretending they didn’t send them#before finally admitting it was them and then being weird about it#or people flirting with me as a joke and then it’s like hahah my feelings are a joke to you (this hasn’t happened in a while so I never got#the chance to go ‘hey can you not flirt with me as a joke it kinda hurts a lot!’ which is good because I didn’t wanna have that convo#maybe they got from my reluctance to participate that I didn’t like them doing that idk#I have never brought it up with them and as long as they don’t flirt with me as a haha funny joke again I never will#actually in middle and high school a few ppl showed interest in me but I never like felt the same way towards them#just like#my attempts at romance do not end well as I said I get dumped a month and a few days is the longest both my actual relationships lasted#oh weird men who were my customers also use to flirt with me when I and a job which was uncomfy because i was working and was forced to be#polite and I couldn’t tell my managers because they didn’t care!#uhhh anyways I do not believe I’m ever going to be in a loving relationship and it sucks#but I also guess it’s for the better because I probably wouldn’t ever believe anyone who says they like me in such a way anyways whne I#hardly believe anyone platonically cares for me either#I think a relationship with me is destined to fail and would be toxic because I’m clingy and have trouble being loved#delete later#this is a dumb psot but most my woes posts are!#so I’ll bury it under posts and forget about it and then delete it when I remember it exists#sorry again remembering that one mutual and just noting everything else made me go ‘huh im going to die alone aren’t I?’
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