#this will probably my first job in a few months so.
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emoisthenewemu · 2 days ago
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Make The Neighbor's Know My Name - ERWIN SMITH x F! READER SMUT
MDNI 18+
What happens when your hot, (divorced) older neighbor just can't help himself?
wc: 5.5k (sorry!)
cw: SMUT, porn w plot, Modern!AU, age gap, mentions of shitty fathers, DADDY KINK (again, sorry i just know he has one), cursing, p in v, oral on both ends, squirting, general nastiness, breeding kink lol
a/n: wow had sm fun writing this. also this may be tmi scroll if u dont care but shoutout to the dude who made me s****t for the first time i was reminded ab you when writing this, hes a whole dad now lifes crazy
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Erwin Smith is an established man. He has a nice house and a good job-one where he got his hands dirty and worked his way up for years before becoming the boss. He works out on a weekly basis, eats (somewhat) healthy and can (again somewhat) cook. He is clean and well kept, educated and respected in his community. Kids love him, so do dogs and the elderly. With a politeness often associated with much different times and a beautiful, piercing set of blue eyes, he is damn dear perfect. On all accounts-a wonderful man.
So, it puzzles many that he lives in such a nice four bedroom all alone. It was not always like this; he used to be married. Had a sweet little housewife that got to stay home and do what she pleased. But it seems that freedom got to her head, overzealous with how much she could get away with-unfortunately it did not take many years of marriage to understand that it was never going to work. All it took was Erwin working a few months of overtime to push her into the arms of another man, one she claimed would give her more attention than he ever did. Perhaps he had neglected her a bit, let his job take over his life for a while. But it was all for her! So, they could have even more stability and possibly even become ready to start a family.
Nowadays he thanks God they never had a child together. And after the dull ache that was getting cheated on, the divorce, the court process that ensued afterward-the man was convinced that he was better off alone. He could accept that truth. There was no need to go chasing a feeling he had already experienced.
But that is not to say that he does not get any action. He is a man after all and they have needs, he surely does. He is no stranger to going out and chatting up nice women, taking them out on a few dates and making them feel special only to break it off when things get serious. It's a pattern at this point. His friends (employees) tell him he should drop the good guy act and just fuck shamelessly. Skip the formalities and go straight to the good part. Just be honest, it is arguably better than whatever the hell he is doing.
He considers it for about a week, even thinks about downloading an app so the opportunity is always there at his convenience. He knows he is a good-looking man who has much to offer, the matches will certainly come in.
That was until he becomes distracted by you. A cute little twenty something that moves directly across the street from him. He watched from both the windows of his home to the security camera which conveniently already faces your house. You had a few other younger girls helping you, two guys and neither seemed to be your boyfriend so that was a plus. And when he left to go get drinks, truck keys in hand-acting like he was not staring directly at you behind the shade of sunglasses you were bold enough to be the one to utter the first word.
It was after a few giggles of your girlfriends, who were also checking him out, but he was more focused on you. Hoping it would indeed be you that was moving in. "Hi neighbor!"
One of the girls slaps you lightly, mostly surprised you were actually bold enough to call out to the hot dilf across the street that's probably married. But he waves and says hello back before stepping into the large truck and driving off. They laugh as you stand there for a while, the wheels in your head turning.
You've always had a thing for older guys.
You soon come to learn he is not a dilf but the sentiment is there. It begs to argue the question, does a man really need to have a child to be a dilf? It may be in the title, but you see it more as a state of mind. And you also learn that he is divorced, he lives alone actually. Except for the golden retriever you often see accompanying him on runs.
You can thank the nosy old lady that lives next door for all of this top-secret information. It reminds you to accept her invites inside for tea often, you feel like you've met the whole neighborhood thanks to her gossip.
For the first month and a half your interactions with the man are mostly basic. Friendly 'hello's' and small little waves before the two of you leave for work in the mornings.
The first time you have an actual conversation is when you are bold enough to knock on his front door one Sunday morning. You know he is awake because he has already gone for his morning run. The sight of your new sexy neighbor all sweaty in his compression top and gym shorts has now become a part of your weekend routine. You wouldn't miss it for anything.
His hair is wet from the shower he just finished, still slightly dripping onto the thin material of his shirt. You swallow hard, trying to not get lost in the sea of muscle staring straight at you. You look up at him. He is more than twice your size.
You want to climb him like a tree.
"H-hi Mr. Smith so sorry to bother! I heard you own a construction company and well-I have this stupid door coming off the hinges! And I'd do it myself, but I suck at stuff like that! And I'd hate to hire someone to come all the way out here for something so small" You are visibly nervous, fidgeting and playing with your hands as you find it hard to maintain eye contact. He is just so fucking hot you cannot trust yourself to not gawk at the sight of him. "Of course, I'd pay you too!"
You are so cute and helpless. A fucking door hinge? Surely you have at least one friend who could help out with something like that. But as you soon come to learn, Erwin Smith will never say no to you. "Nonsense, no need to pay me. I'm always free to help a neighbor out. Let me go grab my tools"
So, he does and follows you across the street. He definitely does not check out your ass in those tiny little shorts that lift up a bit when you walk. In your defense-it's your day off, you deserve to be comfy!
Your house is exactly what he expected it to be, cute and tidy. It smells nice and everything is so girly. Pink and creme colored decorations scattered about, shiny hardwood floors that he can tell you recently cleaned. Perhaps it was in preparation of him coming over. Of course, the door just happens to be the closet door in your bedroom, with all of your cute little clothes as you sit on your cute little bed and watch.
Fuck, for some unknown reason the man finds it hard to focus. Even as you make small talk, his mind is elsewhere. Stuck on the sweet smell of you, the way you sit looking so pure and innocent-legs dangling over the edge of the bed as you watch him, head curiously cocked to the side.
He feels like a pervert for imagining what you must do in that bed. How beautiful you must look in the mornings when you wake up feeling lazy, stuck between the sheets. Do you cuddle up with the singular fluffy stuffed animal at night? Do you take it off the bed before you fuck someone, or does it stay up there? Even more, how many men have you fucked in that bed?
He forces himself to snap out of it, silently scolding himself for being so crass. This is not very neighborly of him. You would likely be disgusted by his vulgar thoughts. Or maybe you would like it, you don't do much to hide the way you stare at him. Even before this day, it was quite obvious that you had a little crush on him.
Yet as the older, more mature adult in the situation he tells himself that he must not entertain the idea. He is eighteen years older than you. Children have been born and graduated high school in that amount of time. It's downright wrong and these intrusive thoughts need to be put to an end.
It was easier said than done, especially when he catches a glimpse of your pink lacy panties thrown about the closet. He thinks about the underwear for the remainder of his day, if he were a less respectable man, he would have pocketed the pair and took the home. But he would never, he only imagines he did.
Two days later you show up to his doorstep, with a nice homemade lasagna and the sweetest smile on your face to thank him. It is you that he wishes to devour instead. He even invites you inside to talk for a bit but keeps things fairly short. He considers opening up a bottle of wine but talks himself out of it. Remember, he promised himself he would not entertain the idea of you. Although it may be too late because he fucks his fist to the thought of you every night for the remainder of the week.
And one early morning at work, before any of his men have been sent out on jobs a few of them congregate around his desk. Engaging in small talk as they usually do, telling stories of girlfriends, wives, how drunk they go the other night, cars-the usual guy stuff.
"Boss! How're the apps treating you?! You get any action?" Eren, one of his younger employees cannot help but ask seeing as he was the one to suggest in the first place.
"For real! You haven't said shit since we made you download it" Connie walks in, hardhat in hand as the other one holds the phone his crazy girlfriend is currently blowing up. He ignores the calls and shoves it into his back pocket. "Don't hold out on us man I tell you everything!"
"I'm aware" Erwin cocks a rather judgmental eyebrow-there are many stories which would have been better off unheard. Things he would much rather forget.
And then he thinks of you-the only woman which has plagued his thoughts for close to two months now. He sighs, contemplating if it worth bringing up. His heart drops as the realization dawns on him that you are practically the same age as the two young men before him-younger actually. "Shit" He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "There is...a woman. Not from an app, my neighbor actually"
"Ohhh your neighbor! So, you get to hit and just walk right back home?" Connie laughs and the man cannot help but roll his eyes. These two are definitely the wrong people to be discussing this with.
"We haven't done anything; I just find her attractive is all. Probably not the smartest idea to fool around with someone I run in to almost every day anyways"
"Why not? Saves you money and gas" Eren argues. "She live alone too?"
Erwin sighs because he has neglected to mention the most important detail. "Yes, she lives alone, apparently she inherited the house from her aunt"
"All I hear is a lonely lady who needs some company" Connie shrugs, taking a sip of his coffee. "What's stopping you?"
"She's quite young"
Eren and Connie could not be more excited that their usually reserved boss is opening up to them for once. After all of the talking they have done, it is his turn to ask for advice. "Erwin Smith you smooth motherfucker" The shorter man teases. "How young?"
"Last year of college young"
The men all but gasp, smiling excitedly as this is the juiciest piece of information they've heard in ages. They never would have expected it from a man who (with all respect) has a constant stick up his ass. "Younger than us?"
"......yes" He sighs ashamedly as the men whoop and holler. Rolling his eyes as they dap each other up as if they are the ones about to get laid.
"You better do it boss! Chicks these days are crazy. We can thank your generation for being such shitty fathers" He should expect such ignorant comments from someone like Jaeger, a guy who has been stringing his girl best friend along since childhood.
"Forget I even said anything" Smith stands up, grabbing a clipboard and few other necessities for the job site he will soon be off to. But he should know the two young men would persist.
"I say do it boss!" Eren encourages, pumping a fist into the air. "Do it! Do it!"
"Do it! Do it!" Connie joins in on the chanting, they follow the man out his office-ignoring the stares of their fellow colleagues. That is until their boss scolds them to get the hell to work. So, they do, retreating back to their trucks as Erwin stands in place in thought for a while.
They have given him much to think about.
He ponders the conversation for days afterwards. Every time he looks at you, when you have those short little conversations that keep his day going. Perhaps it would not be so bad, he hopes you aren't looking for anything serious. Or maybe he does, his mind remains undecided. It would not be so bad having a pretty young thing like you on his arm. But he is getting ahead of himself.
He talks to you more, striking up longer conversations whenever he gets the chance. You are very polite; he finds it sweet the way you cross your ankles and tuck your hands behind yourself whenever the two of you speak-almost as if you were nervous. For some reason, it makes him want you even more.
After weeks of much of the same behavior he decides he has had enough. It's not so bad, it's not like he knew you before you were an adult or anything. You are a grown woman who pays bills and provides for herself-you have your own house for Christ's sake! He needs to stop babying you, looking at you as if you are just some lost little girl. You have needs of your own. Needs he is more than certain he can meet. So, he invites you inside for drinks one Friday evening, you do not think about it for even a second before agreeing.
Sending a text to your girls about how you are finally going to fuck the hot man from across street, you shut off your phone. You want absolutely zero distractions during your visit, a plan of your own is in the works.
You drink his fancy wine and watch a movie on the couch, carefully maintaining a bit of distance between the two of you. You almost forgot how nervous he makes you, perhaps the liquid courage is what you need to get your act right.
"Come closer" He pats the spot beside him, and you hesitantly follow his orders, setting down the wine glass and closing the gap between the two of you. Your thighs are touching, hands awkwardly stuck on either side of you, the pace of your heartbeat quickens when the man slides an arm down and around your waist. "What's the matter? Am I making you uncomfortable?" He has to make sure before things go any further. Your stiff body language is telling him that perhaps he should slow down.
"Oh no! Never!" You shake your head, trying to ease into his touch. But you are still afraid to touch him yourself. "It's just......you're a bit intimidating"
He exhales a puff of air through his nose, clearly amused by your words. Brushing a piece of hair behind your ear, he speaks again. "Oh darling, I don't mean to be. What can I do to make you feel better?"
His deep voice sends shivers down your spine, it sends shivers somewhere else too. "I-I don't know" You laugh. "You're just so big and..... established. Have no idea what you're doing sitting here with a girl like me"
"Oh, don't say that" He turns his body a bit to face you better, arm still stuck in its place around you. He places the other hand on your knee, you remain painfully aware of its place. "I'm the one who should be questioning how I got such a pretty little thing sitting on my couch" You giggle, it makes him twitch in his pants. "I'm the lucky one here"
His hand slides up to your thigh, massaging the fat in a way that makes you burn with desire. A heat builds deep within you. "T-touch me please"
Oh, your sugary voice is driving him crazy; he had no idea he would be this into something like this, someone like you. He pulls you into his lap, hands dragging up and down either side of your body as he takes all of you in. He lets out a long sigh, hips shifting beneath you as his cock begins to harden at the feeling of your burning skin. He hooks his thumb beneath your shirt, looking up at you. "May I?"
You nod almost frantically before he pulls the fabric over your head. Facing a baby pink, lacy bralette-he is unable to stop the groan from leaving his lips. He kisses the uncaged skin beneath your breaths, inadvertently taking a deep breath in to get more of your syrupy scent. "You wear this for me?" He questions.
You nod shyly, trying to hide your face but he pulls it closer to look at him. A hand guides you to fill in the space between your faces, foreheads pressing together but he does not kiss you. Not yet anyways, he wants to tease you a bit first. "Use your words"
"Y-yes I wore it for you daddy" It was a shot in the dark, most men his age are into shit like that.
He groans again. Fuck. Eren was right, thanks to all the shitty fathers out there, yours included.
You laugh, finally gaining that bit of confidence you need to keep the teasing going. "Wanna see what else I put on for you?"
"Show me darling" His eyes follow your hand which goes down to unbutton your shorts, unzipping them a bit before hooking your thumb to pull them forward-giving him perfect sight of the cute little bow which sits atop your panties. The same pair he spotted in your closet all those months ago. If he wasn't hard before then he definitely was now, nearly bursting at the seams of his pants. And he chuckles, twitching in anticipation as your body rocks with his. "You planned this, didn't you? Dirty girl"
"Mhm" You laugh, hand running down his chest, you let your nails dig into the fabric of his shirt a bit. You are desperate to feel even more of him. "Did I do a good job?"
"So good princess" He confirms, kissing your chest again. "Let's go upstairs"
You agree, making sure to grab your shirt that you clutch to your chest, painfully aware of the fact you are the only one without a shirt on. But your worries are soon dissolved because Erwin sheds his own shirt the second the two of you reach his room, you sit on his large bed, taking him in all his glory. Your mouth practically waters at the sight of nothing but muscle and evidence of years of hard work, the dirty blonde happy trail you wish to see the end of.
He walks up to you, standing at the edge of the bed and you look up to him. You are eye level with the tent of his pants. He brings a hand to gently caress your face, words are not necessary to know what he wants. You're so sweet and obedient that you go to fumble with the zipper of his pants almost immediately. And when he springs out you have to stop your eyes from widening at the sheer size of him. You almost feel afraid again but you don't want him to know that-you seem naive enough already. You'd like to surprise him a bit.
You kiss the girthy tip as if it were his lips, sticking out your tongue to flick over the slit. You press an exaggerated closed mouth kiss to the tip before taking more of him in your mouth. He groans, throwing back his head as you make your way down inch-by-inch. When you reach the base you swallow, throat tightening around him as he looks down to watch you-mouth agape.
Your wide eyes look up at him gleefully, if you could smile you would. The wait for him was sooo worth it-you think as he looks down at you in what seems to be pure amazement. Brows scrunching as he groans as you choke on his length. A mess of saliva and tears as you bob your head up and down, you can feel when his tip makes it past a certain place in your throat, growing conscious of how deep he is reaching.
It hurts but you can't find it in yourself to stop, he looks so good. An absolute mess as his manly groans make you want to play with your pussy. But instead, you take it a step further, you need this man to remember you, to crave you for years afterwards just in case this never happens again. Although you hope it does. You wrap both arms around his thighs, bringing him deeper as he begins to fuck your mouth.
Erwin, who has stayed relatively quiet since then becomes a mess. "Ohh fuck-fuck! So good, gonna fuck this tight little throat.... good girl, good girl"
You moan at his nasty words, sounds of gagging and wet slaps play like a symphony. Until he pulls back once he realizes he was about to blow a massive load down your throat. No, he wants to save it.
He pulls out, strings of spit dripping from his cock as you gasp for air, wiping away the tears from your eyes and mess of liquid around your mouth. "Mmm" You moan. "Was it good daddy?"
"So good darling" He rubs his thumb over your now swollen lips. "You're doing such a good job for me"
He leans down to kiss you, finally. Fervently grabbing at your hair and hips as he makes his way onto the bed. You scoot back, lips never leaving his as he goes to pull off your shorts. Tongues pressing together in-sync, he stops for a moment to suck on yours-eliciting a small whimper from you. Your nails trace up and down his arms, lost in the feeling of his lips. You could stay this way for hours.
But he obviously would like to keep things going, pulling down your shorts all the way before going down to kiss you through the thin fabric. He makes out with your pussy through the lace, stopping to suckle and blow tiny bubbles on your throbbing clit.
"Fuck!" You squeal, bucking your hips into his face as he continues the teasing. His tongue going up and down, creating an even larger wet spot that takes up most of the area. "Pleeease daddy"
"No, you can wait" He scolds, going to kiss your thighs softly. "Be patient. I'd like to take my time with you, get you ready for my cock"
"Mhm" You nod yet your hips buckle up again. "S-sorry"
"It's okay princess" He coos, finally pulling your panties down completely. When he licks a stripe up your pussy you all but scream.
"Mmm yesss!"
He kisses your clit, sucking it before swirling his tongue around the sensitive bud. Your hips try to fuck his face, he lets it happen, diving deeper and deeper into your pussy. He sticks his tongue out and shakes his head side to side, moaning at the way you cry out-so receptive to his touch.
He moves down to fuck you with his tongue, you bump your clit against his nose, mouth open and eyes rolled to the back of your head in a pure state of bliss. You tug at his hair roughly, using it to guide you against him, so desperate for more. Your mind clouds with pleasure, mouth forming into an 'o' shape as your hips begin to stutter, breath catching in your throat. And when he pulls back to spit! on your pussy, not once or twice, but three times you think you have died and gone to heaven.  With the addition of his fingers, and focusing the attention back to your clit, it is not long after that your release washes over you.
You exclaim out loud as your back arches off the bed, softly buckling down onto his tongue as he laps up all of your essence.
The both of you are panting as he comes back up to meet your lips. Tongue assaulting yours as you taste nothing but yourself on his tongue. That's the way it should be-you think. His painfully hard length presses into your stomach, you look down to see how deep it might go inside of you, but you look back up again when you start to feel scared of the stretch. You trust him, that is all that matters.
And before he can even ask if you want him to put a condom on or not, you grab his cock, sliding it down your folds and circling it around your clit. "Want you inside now daddy"
And who is he to ever say no to you? Seconds later he is pressing himself inside of you, thankful that he prepared you for it beforehand because it doesn't take very long for him to bottom out. "Ohh shit" He groans, pulling all the way out them slamming back in. "Fuck...you're so tight"
Your walls squeeze around him even more at his words, arms settling around his broad shoulders as you fight the urge to let your hips run away. He notices the way you pull back; he won't allow it. Bringing your bodies flush against one another, he rests his forehead on your shoulder, strong arms pulling you down onto him. You cry at the pressure, the way he is stabbing at you from inside, so deep you feel it might go out into your tummy. You squeal again, legs crossing over his back. "Erwin! Mmm, no no no, it hurts"
A stray tear falls from your eye, yet your hips begin to seek out his as you grow more accustomed to the stretch. "F-fuck" Your stomach begins to flutter.
"Oh shh shhh darling it's okay" He sounds so gentle, the complete opposite of the mean snap of his hips. "You want me to stop?" Another powerful thrust makes you let out a noise closer to a scream.
"No daddy please don't stop" You begin to claw at his back as he sets himself a pace, loud sounds of clapping begin to fill the room.
Your pussy is choking him, so slippery and needy. It sucks him in with each thrust, a 'slush' noise every time he pulls himself out. "So wet" The man gasps at the sight of all your juices splattered about. He needs to see more.
Pushing your knees into your chest and angling his hips a bit higher, he begins to drill into you at an unrelenting pace. A mix of saccharine moans fill the room, the sound of his headboard slamming against the wall. "Oh, oh oh! Erwin! Mmmm!" You sound so perfect, the sound of you moaning his name alone is enough to make him want to cum.
"Feels sooo good" Your eyes roll to the back of your head as he plows into you in a way that feels mechanical. In a way you have never felt before. He is so experienced, he knows all the right buttons to push, places to touch you and kiss. You are so mind numbingly stuck in a state of bliss that you almost feel lost. Like you could never crave another man after sleeping with him.
"Guys your age ever treat you like this?" He questions, now forcing your legs together with one arm and picking your hips up off the bed. Continuing his assault on your sweet little pussy that has made him go fucking stupid. He usually maintains a sense of composure when sleeping with new women, he knows what he enjoys may not be everyone's cup of tea but you, well you are the most perfect little slut he has ever met. "They fuck you this good?"
"No Erwin!" You cry out, gripping the sheets as he continues slamming into you. "You're the best! Fuck, Erwin! It's tooo much, feels weird"
Your hips twitch, he knows very well what this means. Oh, he needs it, he needs you to squirt all over him or else he will not be satisfied. "Erwin! Erwin!"
"Yeah, keep talking princess, make all the neighbors know my name, huh?" He goes down to toy with your clit, your hips attempt to squirm away. But the arm wrapped around your thighs ensure you stay in place. He pinches your clit, tip pushing against your g spot in a way that makes it hard to speak.
"Nonono, think I'm gonna pee" You shake your head frantically, trying to grab his arms and free yourself of his grip. But he will not allow it.
"Just let go" He orders, hair now sticking to his head as he shakes it back and forth. "Squirt all over daddy princess, I'll clean it up"
You finally reach your breaking point, breath so caught in your throat that your moan is almost silent, too high pitched to even be registered. Your hips and thighs are shaking, stomach quivering and you can feel your heartbeat in your pussy as he does not relent with his thrusts-close to a release of his own. When you squirt all over him, he whines stuck on the juices gushing out of you. His eyes squeeze shut as the image replays over and over again in his head, finally dropping your body back down to the mattress as he is almost where he needs to be. "Such a messy pussy" He moans into your skin, your body lays limp as you try to do something as simple as breathe.
It is hard when he snatches every little gasp out of you. But you can feel him twitching inside you, thrusts grow sloppy as you grab at his hair, your sensitive pussy being pushed to her brink. "Please please cum inside daddy. Fuckkk I need it! Wanna keep it inside all night and remember how good you made me feel"
Your dirty words are enough to push him over the edge, spilling into you and splaying your womb with his seed. Fuck, his dick belongs inside of you. So does his cum, he wants to do this every day when he comes home from work. In the mornings before he even gets out of bed. At night when before he goes to sleep. He wants you stuffed with him at all times. His cum spills out of you as he finally pulls out, dripping down your thighs.
He looks up at you with a mischievous look on his eyes. It feels unnatural to see such a composed man come undone, the way he eats you up with his eyes.
And you are staring at him like he is the most handsome man on the planet, well he kind of is. To you at least. You chuckle, you're in danger, never has a man made you feel this good before. He made you squirt the first time sleeping with you. Fuck, you're dickmatized.
"We should have done this a long time ago" He collapses into your chest, kissing whatever skin is available softy. He will clean you up in a bit, for now he needs to rest.
"Yes, we should have" You play with his hair before kissing the top of his head, making yourself quite comfortable in his sheets. You could get used to this.
And used to it, you become. Erwin is now a daily part of your routine, the same as sleeping and eating. Getting creampied by Erwin Smith was now the highlight of most of your days but it was not all purely physical. He took you out a few times, you even met a few of his coworkers one night over drinks. You spend the night at each other's houses and begin to go on morning runs together.
You suppose you should not be surprised when you end up pregnant several months later. Knocked up by your sexy older neighbor that you now consider to be your boyfriend. He even suggests the two of you get married, but you agree to wait for the baby to come along to see if that changes anything in your relationship.
Now, because of you, he will live up to his true potential as a dilf.
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soul-meister · 2 days ago
Text
BASOPHOBIA : poly!lost boys x fem!emerson!reader : the lost boys : one-shot
not beta read
cw: basophobia/fear of falling, the boys pressuring reader, sexual harassment(comments/the boys→reader), reader has a decided first name but goes by her middle name--(your name)
summary: your brother brings you along on his hunt to find this mysterious girl from a few nights ago.
"Are you sure you'll find her again? It's been a couple days... Plus, it sounded like she had a boyfriend," you spoke from beside your brother, making your way from the clothing shop where he had bought a leather jacket with the money he gained from his job as a lifeguard. Or was he a beach janitor?
"I just know I'll see her again... And that doesn't matter cause she seemed interested in me," he replied, his head swiveling in various directions as he kept an eye out for a brunette with bouncy curls. An eyebrow raised at your brother's nonchalant attitude at becoming a possible homewrecker.
"Right... So, if you think she's interested in you, why am i here?"
"Just in case she's too nervous to approach me because...well..."
"Because you're a stalker?" You finished for your brother, referencing what you had heard from Sam about Michael following some mystery girl around the board walk a few nights ago.
"Exactly...wait. What?! No!" His head snapped to you, an an incredulous look on his face before he scoffed and rolled his eyes, turning his attention to a piercing stand where a girl was being consoled by the piercer and her friend.
"It's a rip-off," a voice whispered from behind you, causing both you and michael to turn and see a beautiful woman.
Michael nodded his head in her direction, mumbling the words, "that's her," before taking off after the woman with you not far behind. "Hi."
"If you want your ear pierced, I'll do it."
Michael ignored the offer for now, "what's your name?"
"Star."
"Oh, your folks too, huh?" A small smile surfaced on your face, knowing what he was referencing to.
A nervous chuckle then broke through your lips at the quick turn of star's head and her words, "what do you mean?" She seemed anxious at the littlest mention of her parents.
"Ex-hippies," he replied, and you could see her body loosen up once again. "I came this close to being named moonbeam or moon-child. Someone here wasn't as lucky, though," he elbowed you lightly.
the girl's eyebrows scrunched up near the end, "are you two...siblings?"
The corners of you lips dropped slightly at the allusion of you and Michael--Sam, as well--not being similar in appearance as you looked more like your father, something that made you insecure. From what you remembered your mom telling you, she had met your father on the road and ended up pregnant. They only lasted a few months before she met your brothers' father while in the later stage of pregnancy.
You quickly fixed your expression, now coming off as happier than before, "we are. He's my younger brother," your ruffled said person's curls, ruining all the work he had put into styling his hair at home for the possibility he met some concert girl, now known as Star.
"Just call me (Your Name); it's my middle name. Cloud just sounds so stupid to me." A few seconds went by before you realized you basically just insulted Star's name. "Yours is so cute, though. It really suits you, " the words rushed out of your mouth in hopes to lessen the damage.
Glancing at your brother, you noticed the small smirk he sent your way, probably trying to hold in a laugh at your nerves. His attention turned back to the beauty, "Star's great. I like Star."
"Me too," you nodded your head in agreement, worried you had already fucked up and would be seen in a bad light by Star. More like a light that flickered constantly. The thought of her knowing, even if she didn't, that you and Michael didn't share a father carried along in the back of your head as a fault.
There was awkward silence between the three of you and your brother decided to end it by introducing himself, "I'm Michael."
"Michael? Michael's great. I like Michael," Star's gaze fixated on you and there was a playful gleam, "yours is so cute, too. It really suits you." You relaxed at Star's mimicry of you and your brother, seeing that she knew you had no ill-will in your remark.
Seeing that the three of you reached his bike, your brother leaned into your ear, "I'm thinking of getting some dinner with Star, want me to bring you home anything?"
You thought over the prospect before shaking your head, "Sam probably hasn't eaten anything either so I'm gonna try and find him so we can eat together.'
"You sure?" You nodded your head in confirmation. "Alright, see ya later, Cloud."
"Bye, Mikey," you turned your attention to Star who stood off to the side, waiting for you and your brother to finish conversing, "Bye Star. I hope to see you again sometime."
Before you were able to take a step away from your brother the rumbling of engines raced towards your trio. The front wheel of a somewhat familiar blonde with curls--where had you seen him again--got a little to close to your feet for your liking, forcing you to back away and hide behind Michael.
"Where you going, Star?"
She glanced at your brother, not entirely sure what the two were going to do, only having heard snippets of your conversation only a few minutes ago. Noticing her questioning gaze, Michael answered for her, "gonna go for a ride and get some dinner."
"Right," Star nodded before introducing the two of you to who you assumed were her friends, "this is Michael and his sister, (Your Name)." At the mention of your name, you could feel various sets of eyes land on your figure but you ignored them by staring at the familiar head of brown hair.
"Star," the unnamed man spoke again and silence followed as she didn't respond outwardly, though it seemed as if she were inwardly fighting herself. And those inner thoughts that had gone against her wants had won as she made her way over to the bleached blonde and sat herself on the back of his bike.
A blonde with hair that resembled a lion's mane chuckled.
"You know where Hudson's bluff is overlooking the point?" The leader of this oddly dressed biker gang questioned.
"I can't beat your bike."
"You don't have to beat me, Michael. You just have to try and keep up." The faux blonde's head tilted, allowing him to get a better look at you, a smirk adorning his features, "and why don't you bring your sister along with you." It wasn't a question, he was telling both you and Michael that you were coming along for the ride whether you liked it or not. And you most certainly weren't going to enjoy it.
Not waiting for michael to reply, you spoke for yourself in a polite manner, "I'm sorry, but I have plans already. Plus, my mom said she was gonna drive me home."
"We can take you home, babe, if that's what you're worried about. Though, I'm not too sure you'll want to be going home by the end of the night." It was the chuckler"**Not even having to take a glance over, you just knew his eyes were traveling up and down your body. You felt it. And it felt...weird.
"Yeah, hang with us, sweetcheeks," the curly flaxen with the face of a cherub spoke, his upper body leaning forward with a forearm resting on one the handles.
"Unless, you're scared," that was the leader, once again, making another statement. He could probably smell the anxiousness oozing out of you at the thought of riding a bike. And just like he did with your brother, he was egging you on but you needed a little more push to go through with something like this.
"Oh, you are scared. Aren't you, sweetheart? You can ride with me. Promise I won't go easy," the cherub gave you a wink as he began to nibble at the nail of his thumb.
"Why don't you go with me instead? The drive can be bumpy and I'll make sure you don't fall off. Might even make you feel good." You felt how your cheeks burned at the innuendo coming from the messy blonde.
You also noticed how your smile began to slip as the two blondes "charmed" you into going, but you willed yourself to keep the corners of your mouth turned up, even if it oozed nervousness. "I'll- I'll go with Mikey."
Said person's gaze switched to you, his eyes widened slightly as you've never wanted to go on a ride with him, or even simply sit on the contraption--you preferred to keep yourself rooted to the ground. Pushing away the shock, Michael slid onto his bike before helping you on behind him with you wrapping your arms around his torso not long after m
"We're going for a ride," there was a new voice, though barely audible through the engines of the bikes. It could only belong to the last man, a brunette with no shirt underneath, and a young child sat behind him. It was the young boy from the other night.
One by one, the bikes rode off down the boardwalk, forcing pedestrians out of their way unless they wanted to be part of a hit and run.
note: this was meant to be longer but I wanted to get it out of my drafts. Will I finish it one day? Maybe...probably not.
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shimxy · 2 days ago
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Small update to this a few months later because I forgot to consider something very important in that first post :
I study bacteriology. That is the main thing I work on and I would like to get a job in that field.
I spend my days studying bacterias and germs, disease and rot and how they spread.
Why did I fail to see that this brings me so much closer to the Corruption. I hadn't even noticed it but it had already claimed me.
That's probably what makes its statements even worse to me. I actually think about all the things that crawl everywhere but remain unseen fairly often in my daily life. It is something that is always on the back of my mind and that I will never escape.
I still sometimes think that my curiosity might make me Eye aligned or that my tendency to isolate myself would make me belong to the Lonely but deep down I know.
I wouldn't want to be marked by the corruption but the way it works still fascinates me as much as it is repulsive. And more than that, I still believe that its sweet promises would lure me in.
I've been listening to TMA (just started S5) and I've seen a few people talk about fear alignment.
I am not sure if it is simply the one you like the most or the one you are the most scared of. I think it might be both. Or maybe neither. But anyway here are a few feelings I had about it :
I think the fears I would enjoy serving the most would either be The Lonely or The Eye. They seem comfortable, interesting and fun.
I've always been very scared of heights and I've had vertigo for as long as I can remember. So The Vast would have fun with me.
But I do not think that those things matter. I think the fear I align with is The Corruption and let me explain why.
The Corruption statements are the ones that are the most uncomfortable for me. I do not want to listen to them. They make me want to throw up. And yet I find them fascinating.
They disgust and scare me but I find myself wanting to know more.
But this isn't what convinced me. Mag153, Love Bombing, made me realize that this is the fear that could make me follow it.
I would listen to the Wasps nest that tells me that I am beautiful. I would fall in love with the beetle that tells me it loves me. The promise of companionship would get to me.
Not only is it the one that is the most likely to notice me since The Corruption is the most disturbing fear to me and the one that affects me the most but it's also the one that would be the most successful in luring me in.
I would fall for The Corruption, no matter how much I hate it, I would fall for it. And that might be what scares me the most.
Typing that makes me feel sick but I think that that is what it would want.
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courtney-deserved-better · 2 days ago
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been trying to figure out the right way to word this for a week or so and i keep failing so i'm just gonna do my best rn
i will probably not be posting a lot/any fanfiction (total drama or otherwise) in the coming months due to:
i got tons of stuff going on (my current jobs, job hunting, apartment hunting, classes, family stuff, etc.)
i'm still burnt out from the end of last year (so much fucking work plus i was sick for two months)
i'm trying to get my original writing career off the ground (developing my first book series, working toward my current publication dealio, submitting to a bunch of opportunities, etc.)
i'm signed up for two big bang events (total drama and sonic) so what little fic writing energy remains will be dedicated toward those due to deadlines + commitments to artists
i thought i could bounce back after last fall but i pushed myself hard and have been really burnt out since. i'm struggling to muster up the energy to write anything, so i need to prioritize what i do write carefully.
this won't last forever, but it's something i've been struggling with since december/january and i can see it stretching on for a few more months, so i wanted to be upfront about that. i appreciate everyone's patience and the love they've shown my fics 💜
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destiny-in-the-universe · 6 months ago
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I am so sorry for my sudden impromptu ‘departure’ from RC9GN. You haven’t gotten rid of me yet. Now, I have been steadily working on Project Zero buuuttt updates on my life;
Things advanced during my job search. I’m a little less stressed, but I do have to work on a portfolio and once I’m done eating- I’m getting right to work on finishing. So!
Also, I’m going to be working on a few of my projects for RC9GN- and a brand new storyline I came up with. I’ll be releasing more on that soon! If anyone’s interested, I can talk about the polycule (Randy/Howard/Debbie/Theresa)!
I have a lot I’m brainrotting about, but this will all come once my portfolio’s finished. Wish me luck because I desperately need it-
~ Destiny (They/Them)
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icewindandboringhorror · 9 months ago
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finally finished all of one character's entire quests/optional dialogue/questions/etc.... 100,000 words... .... aughhh
#Given some of it IS lines of code and stuff but like.. minus all that it's still probably at least 85 - 95k words hhhhhh#AND I have to do this for another 3 characters. Then a few partial quests for 3 others. THEN the other random misc stuff in the game#(like there are public areas in the city like a park and a forest that you can go and do a few things at. and chat with a few random#townsfolk that aren't actually full characters or anything. And there's a community board where you can#browse some of the random job advertisments or silly things that happen to be posted around#and also pick up a few odd jobs of your own to help earn coin to buy gifts for the npcs. etc. etc.)#Originally I was thinking like 'ah I'll make a short little game just to try it out! :3 It'll take maybe a few months!''#haha........................hee hee........................................hoho#Also evil that it would have been done already if I didn't totally drop itand stop working on it for like 5 years randomly#i could have made 5 years of steady slow progress gradually. instead of like 'one initial idea dump + about a month of art and writing'#...... 5 year break..... 'sudden mad dash to try to get probably 400.000 words written in a year or less' lol#I just really want to be done and have something out there already so it can lead to doing other things in my world..!!!!!! T o T#Like this can be an introduction and then maybe from that I can make other games. or short story anthologies. or other such things#But there needs to be some initially not very complex easy to interact with starting point first I guess... if that makes sense#That's part of why I stopped posting worldbuilding lore dump stuff as often because its' like.. massive walls of novella length#text are much more inacessible to engage with than like.. ooh a game! and there's characters! so its more approachable! and theres#visuals! oo! and the text is broken up in small bits line by line with other things in betwen! oo! etc. etc. lol#Not that THIS is even very accessible. I think dialogue heavy interactive fiction/visual novel type stuff is pretty niche and considered#boring or tedious compared to something with more ''gamplay'' like where you can actually move around in a world#and shoot things or whatever lol. But its an inbetween point. something SLIGHTLY#more accesible for now. Since i just dont have the budget or means or ability to make some skyrim type thing obviously LOL#Though maybe if theres any interest in the visual novel that could lead to making other things too. or at least I hope. I have a VERY cool#idea for a more ''gamey'' type of game that is a super fun concept and etc. but I would need to hire at least 2 people to make it.. ough..#I could do all the writing and probably half of the art. But I think I'd inevitably need a 3d artist and someone who can Code For Real hbjh#the system for ren'py (the thing I'm making a visual novel in) is not that complicated if you stick to just simple dialogue and stuff.#Making a whole moderately sized 3d game with minigames in it and a bunch of quest features and etc. would be out of my simplistic scope#''just learn it yourself!!' ... i barely manage to eat and sleep reliably every day lol... i do not function well enough to spend months#learning that many new skills. I already have a lot of of things I'm good at (not in a braggy way but just factually like.. i already have#a wide variety of different things under my belt).. at some point I have to just be happy with what i CAN already do and focus on that#and admit I need to get outside help sometimes ghjbh... NO more new skills/hobbies!!! ... ANYWAY
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yumatual · 1 year ago
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the complete eri guidebook (2023) full version under the cut ♡ pdf ver. happy birthday @xiaojuun !! <3
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credits. with the help of: meg (@hozierbyrne) // brina (@aquablues) // aléks (@possession1981) // vianey (@souladies) // lili (@ninqz) // aweks (@awek-s) // miha (@jaebeomtual) // rachel (@gnanii) // mare (@dongkwan) // ro (@sunghanbin) // rosie (@kimjiwoong) // lulu (@fushigojos) // sofi (@yukuz) graphics: gift boxes // broccoli // orange fruit watercolor // lip print textures // notion-style scribbles // healthcare vector icons // human anatomy icons // film cutouts pack // 3d travel icons // drinks vector icon set // coffee outline illustration pack // baby vector icon pack
#*mine#oorieri#genuinely thank you SO MUCH for participating @ everyone who did . and if i didn't contact u ... im so sorry i probably didnt fully realize#that u were friends with eri um . sowwie#thank you for finding the time to think about this and . for those who did . for sending in your answers i lob u this is only possible beca#because so many people agreed to help...#a note to meg!! specifically!! because you did so much (from being my first interviewee and my lab rat to responding to the few questions i#had . to suggesting people to include and offering your help with contacting some people (although it did not work out in the end as i said#i really appreciated the thought!!)#note for meg (2): i ended up not being able to use indesign at all... it was too big for my poor little tablet skjsk i got rlly excited abt#n downloaded it strategically for the free trial to expire today or tomorrow but. had to uninstall right away... sighs)#special thanks to lili for being so sweet . i think we became a bit closer through the messages we exchanged in between this project <3#special thanks to rachel and mare who i know are both really good friends with eri but who aren't exactly familiar with me... i was really#nervous messaging you both so thank you for being so sweet and for participating despite life not exactly helping!!#note for rachel: im sorry i ended up casually calling you rachie in my head the past month or so .. forgive me#special thanks to lulu for being willing to participate#a big thank you to everyone for opening up#and thank you to gabi and sarah who did try their best to find the means to participate#big thank you to gimp for crashing so many times while i was making this & to myself for overriding one of the most important files acciden#accidentally. good job#and finally. the BIGGEST thank you to OUR BELOVED ERI who. clearly. is just the biggest sweetest sunshine & the bestest friend to all of us#thank you for everything always ... i hope you're sleeping well by now#and of course: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i truly wish you all the best today. and this month. and the next year and the next one and the next one an#i love you. <3 i really do#and so does everyone! clearly!!
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mypeggableromance · 4 months ago
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#hhhhh I'll probably delete this later but if i don't physically put these thoughts somewhere I'll maybe explode.#but fuck man. shit sucks fr! I highkey think I can't go to work tomorrow but yknow how it goes!!!!#I'm caught somewhere between finally being taken seriously about my health issues#and having the most wretched mental health crisis#like on one hand fantastic! I'm being taken seriously now its gotten to the point where I cant fucking walk normally#but on the other hand oh my god holy shit. i had to get this bad???? and I'm worried. i know theres shit so much bigger than me rn going on#but I'm worried about my health. especially when I've been trying to deal with it for the better part of like.... 5 years#since i was 19!!!!#I'm 24 and worrying about whether or not I'll actually walk about with 0 pain ever again isn't that fucked.#so that's bittersweet. ive got physio tomorrow. blood tests next week#an ultrasound coming up#its ultimately a good thing im being taken seriously. if not a terrifying acceptance that everything ive been feeling has been real and#well. bad.#and like with this right is the crash of my mental health. just a fuckin nosedive man.#i have a relatively stressful job i felt out of my depth about and thus guilty for but now its a role that I've approached in constant pain#for the last few months.#i can't deal with that actually! lots of stress! lots of pain! lots of mental pain over my physical condition! my job grinding my soul!#aaaaa!!!!!!!#like i dont WANT to be unemployed either#I'd much rather be uhhhh employed! and able to save money towards actually getting Help™#but I've got to admit that i hurt too much. and its consuming my whole fucking brain.#but I'll go on#ive got my first trip out the country solo next week!! im heading to san Fransisco!!! im excited.#but I'm worried for the inevitable moment where my pains catch up with me#ill surpress it while I'm out there. try and remind myself to have a good time. return to the uk and feel a weeks worth of pain#and even THAT sucks to consider#but i should stop#rambles
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orcelito · 4 months ago
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Did driving practice today. Actually did parallel parking practice this time, even tho I really didn't want to still. Finally got it into my head that I can maybe do this.
SO......
I have scheduled my driving test. For November 13th, 3 weeks from today.
#speculation nation#IM SO NERVOUSSSSS but i need to do it. i need to. worst case scenario i fail and have to try again another day.#i was actually gonna try to schedule for a week from today but they were full up for the next 2 weeks.#so. 3 weeks! my therapist is gonna be happy for me when i tell her haha#this is. something ive been avoiding for over 10 years now. but i decided at the start of this year that This would be my year.#Year Of Unfuck My Life. and im finally doing it. im going to finally get my license.#it's so. huge actually. a similar level of Holy Shit factor as me graduating.#which seems like an uneven comparison but honestly ive just been so so so scared of this driving test#an insurmountable obstacle bc i was stuck at school away from family to help me practice etc etc#very tied up with me being stuck at school for so long actually. the neverending purgatory of being Stuck In Place.#but my cousin lives closer to me now and hes been helping me out. and i am so very grateful.#augh augh augh augh. life is so busy and it feels like everything is happening at once AAAAAAAAAAAA#but im taking it all in stride. i am. oh god i might have to just practice and then take my audition video all on the same day.#bc i am too tired to deal with it rn and i have an exam tomorrow so idk if i can practice then. also i have to clean.#i will make it work. i will make something work. for the love of fucking god i will make it work.#no time to write barely any time to relax but thats okay i am Go Go Going and trying to keep enough time to sleep#(prior few nights being the..exception lol.)#i certainly wouldnt want to live this way for too long. but just a few more months. i can do it.#next semester hopefully wont be as busy. i'll have 3 hard classes but if im lucky they wont even have much homework.#i can do it. i can get through it. i will get my license in 3 weeks (manifesting) and i will get my own car.#i will find a new apartment to live in. i will Hopefully find a job.#within a year my life is going to be much much different.#my life is Already much much different than it was just a year ago. tho this year has been more... metamorphosis.#in a year's time. i will be 28 years old. and the pieces will Finally be falling into place (hopefully!!!!!)#for now. god i need to rest. will probably go to sleep early tonight. need to be rested for my exam tomorrow.#first tho i gotta shower and feed both me and the cats. yes.
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c0rpsedemon · 1 year ago
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there's so much manga i have to read it's unreal 😭
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myfaveisfuckable · 10 months ago
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Omg are you saying you will eventually restart the boyband polls?? Awesome!! I miss them tbh
It's been my intention for a while to continue all the polls from the other blog 😭 I just haven't gotten around to it yet..
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guinevereslancelot · 10 months ago
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i'm so bummed i accidentally turned town a job interview for a job where I could have worked with a good friend and mentor 😔
#i was telling her abt the preschool i got hired at and i was like yeah im worried bc the other teacher doesn't seem nice#and the student teacher ratio is really bad they're really understaffed and underfunded im just really worried it will be too much for me#and she was like oh you should apply to the school i work at bc we're hiring snd the ratio is great and the pay might be better also#and i never knew the name of the school she worked at until then#and its one i DID apply to but i told them nevermind after this one hired me 😬#but now i really wish i'd taken that interview#i'm going to call or email first thing on monday tho and hopefullyyy i can get in for an interview before i start my new job on thursday#so i wont literally have to take time off for it#and then if they offer me i will be able to tell the new job nevermind while its still early#either that or i'll try to stick it out a few months then apply to the other one for summer or something#but im not sure whether its best to quit immediately or let them think im dependable and staying then leave in three months lol#but mostly for the other job idk if it would ruin the opportunity to tell them nevermind i want the job a week after i said no#compared to a few months later#they might have forgotten me by then which would probably be good#idkkk#my first reference literally works there which will hopefully help and maybe they'll give me a break#the pay scale looks the same as the one i just accepted but i think they'll offer less bc they're not as desperate#but i literally dont care its such a better working environment#and the pay scale is the same so they would give me a raise after a few months#and the work will be so much easier#and the commute#and i Definitely know i can work with my friend#vs the co teacher at this new job who seems really intense and unfriendly#anyway!!#im really anxious abt this new job and i'll stay if the other place wont take me now#but i really hope they give me another chance#also its super close and easy drive and the commute for the other one scares me a bit lol#this has been a shitpost
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madigoround · 1 year ago
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Some days it feels like I am just desperately trying to find reasons to live so I don’t jump off a bridge and it’s hardly even working
Edit: I have spent some very necessary kitten cuddle time and received some very sweet messages from people and I am feeling more sane, definitely recommend nice people and cats lol
#listen i don’t want to be complaining all the time but this is my blog and this is where I vent so maybe just ignore this#literally searching on Pinterest and google reasons to stay alive reasons not to kill yourself etc and all they want to give me is the#crisis line number lol#i really feel like ive surpassed my limit for things I’m able to take today#and it hurts really really bad like it’s just too much#i had my annual eval with my boss a little while ago and she hates me so much she doesn’t even try to hide it#and she just disrespects me and tears me down at every turn no matter how hard I try#and im still stuck in this job by contract until January first and this job makes me want to fucking die#like you Can literally spend your days taking pictures of bloody murder scenes and talking with witnesses and victims and such and she’ll#still say you aren’t doing enough or dedicated enough to this job#and i really went in there with the notion that I was just going to roll over and take whatever she threw at me because it’s not worth it#she turns everything into a fight and all of a sudden she’s going REALLY? you REALLY think you do (this function of your job that you#definitely do multiple times a week despite her skepticism like it’s literally in my memos there’s evidence#and something that I haven’t had the heart to talk about has kind of come to fruition today#about a month ago I was cleaning out my car in preparation for my inspection and I pulled out a box from the mouse infested storage unit a#few months ago that I was just going to throw out because that stuff disgusted me too much to look at#and we had thought we had checked everything and cleaned it all before bringing it in my car or house and I pulled it out and it had#burrow holes in it from#a mouse i literally stopped typing that tag because I heard one and I took the box out and over the last few weeks I thought I heard a c#creature scurrying but I was like I’m probably just paranoid this was from months ago it’s probably gone#and today on my lunch break I started to clean my car and low and behold I found it’s little nest home thing with all kinds of makeshift#bedding and I put down poison so hopefully it will eat the poison and leave my car to get water cause they’re supposed to seek out water#and it’s like honestly I’m not sure how much more I can take right now like I’m really trying to be positive and focus on the good and all#and i just kind of wish that I could decide to die and it would happen painlessly and I’d just be gone#it would be so much easier for everyone I think if I was gone
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orchres · 2 years ago
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It feels like all I do is fucking apply for shit!!!!!! I hate it!!! Anyways I've found 3 interesting things today while trawling various websites (2 residencies, 1 job) that are very interestingly, all thematically related + align with some of the creative work I'm doing rn as well as some long-term goals for putting my degree to use. Maybe this means something? Anyway I'm applying bc the applications are very straightforward and I have done this so many times I'm now just copy pasting paragraphs from old applications and making small tweaks. Y'all wish me luck!
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inmirova · 8 months ago
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In an ideal world, it would be a program for Deaf teachers, the government could even put it under vocational rehab if they wanted to! Unfortunately, even some Deaf schools don't employ many Deaf teachers and a lot of teaching jobs end up going to interpreters or just hearing & non-signing people instead. But you're right and I love what you said, we can hope 🩷
idk man. i just think itd be really cool if sign language classes were mandatory throughout primary school. yeah because it would make communication with deaf kids and autistic/nonverbal kids much easier. and those kids would be accessible to the others so they cold make friends and have healthy relationships. yeah. and kids would eat that shit up man. like their own little secret language? they love that.
#during the school year i teach under a program set up by a CODA which is awesome but it's not a government (public school) job#i have a few regulars at my primary job who work at the local Deaf primary school and none of them can carry much of a convo#they can probably sign at a 2nd grade level or so but that's really not enough#there's a decent residential school w Deaf teachers but that requires being willing to send your child away for like 9 months of the year#this turned into basically a rant at the current system 😅 sorry but yeah i think the first step to teaching sign language in primary school#is overhauling the current system for teaching Deaf students as a whole#some schools are decent at it but a lot of us end up in special ed with 2 rotating terps and missing half the day in speech therapy#or in a 'Deaf school' surrounded by hearies. the exceptions in the US are all in like MD KY CA and TX#even then it's specific areas of those states#i didnt meet a Deaf adult until i was 17. i didnt get into the community until i was 20.#Deaf teachers in Deaf schools=> proof of concept that being Deaf does not mean youre incapable of caring for students=>#Deaf teachers in hearing high schools as a language elective=> studies on d/D/HoH feelings of inclusivity with their peers who learn=>#Language elective starting in middle schools=> improved literacy rates in Deafies bc they have teachers who understand them at a younger age#=> primary school inclusion of sign languages in the curriculum starting in third grade=> studies on whether hearing kids need reading-#-skills to understand signed languages=> sign language in curriculum starting in first grade or ideally kindergarten#is kind of the funnel i'd imagine we'd see for optimal chances of having fluent teachers in primary education for hearing students#which would. take at least a couple of decades.#also if this sounds argumentative i dont mean it that way at all!! this is a dream for me but it needs to be done right.#and no one is going to fund it the right way without a fight. terps are great but outside of codas they arent native.#we need native speakers teaching our language or it gets twisted fast. even my favorite (/most fluent non-native speaker) terp-#-cant sign a simple word like cereal- she signs soup for both soup and cereal 😭#and she's been using asl since she was 12 and is almost 50 now. i love her to death and ive tried correcting her#but it wasnt reinforced that way when she was young and now it's ingrained in her.#anyway sorry op if you read all of this i know it was very much this is just something im really passionate about and i want to see happen#like youre so right and i love the fact that youre talking about it and that so many people agree i just have a lot of feelings about it#ALSO if you havent read them i highly recommend the books:#Forbidden Signs by Douglas Baynton#Everyone Here Spoke Sign Language by Nora Groce#and Introduction to American Deaf Culture by Thomas K Holcomb#(obv a usamerican POV but the middle one is relevant anywhere i think) for their insights on sign language teaching/integration
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archaeren · 8 months ago
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How I learned to write smarter, not harder
(aka, how to write when you're hella ADHD lol)
A reader commented on my current long fic asking how I write so well. I replied with an essay of my honestly pretty non-standard writing advice (that they probably didn't actually want lol) Now I'm gonna share it with you guys and hopefully there's a few of you out there who will benefit from my past mistakes and find some useful advice in here. XD Since I started doing this stuff, which are all pretty easy changes to absorb into your process if you want to try them, I now almost never get writer's block.
The text of the original reply is indented, and I've added some additional commentary to expand upon and clarify some of the concepts.
As for writing well, I usually attribute it to the fact that I spent roughly four years in my late teens/early 20s writing text roleplay with a friend for hours every single day. Aside from the constant practice that provided, having a live audience immediately reacting to everything I wrote made me think a lot about how to make as many sentences as possible have maximum impact so that I could get that kind of fun reaction. (Which is another reason why comments like yours are so valuable to fanfic writers! <3) The other factors that have improved my writing are thus: 1. Writing nonlinearly. I used to write a whole story in order, from the first sentence onward. If there was a part I was excited to write, I slogged through everything to get there, thinking that it would be my reward once I finished everything that led up to that. It never worked. XD It was miserable. By the time I got to the part I wanted to write, I had beaten the scene to death in my head imagining all the ways I could write it, and it a) no longer interested me and b) could not live up to my expectations because I couldn't remember all my ideas I'd had for writing it. The scene came out mediocre and so did everything leading up to it. Since then, I learned through working on VN writing (I co-own a game studio and we have some visual novels that I write for) that I don't have to write linearly. If I'm inspired to write a scene, I just write it immediately. It usually comes out pretty good even in a first draft! But then I also have it for if I get more ideas for that scene later, and I can just edit them in. The scenes come out MUCH stronger because of this. And you know what else I discovered? Those scenes I slogged through before weren't scenes I had no inspiration for, I just didn't have any inspiration for them in that moment! I can't tell you how many times there was a scene I had no interest in writing, and then a week later I'd get struck by the perfect inspiration for it! Those are scenes I would have done a very mediocre job on, and now they can be some of the most powerful scenes because I gave them time to marinate. Inspiration isn't always linear, so writing doesn't have to be either!
Some people are the type that joyfully write linearly. I have a friend like this--she picks up the characters and just continues playing out the next scene. Her story progresses through the entire day-by-day lives of the characters; it never timeskips more than a few hours. She started writing and posting just eight months ago, she's about an eighth of the way through her planned fic timeline, and the content she has so far posted to AO3 for it is already 450,000 words long. But most of us are normal humans. We're not, for the most part, wired to create linearly. We consume linearly, we experience linearly, so we assume we must also create linearly. But actually, a lot of us really suffer from trying to force ourselves to create this way, and we might not even realize it. If you're the kind of person who thinks you need to carrot-on-a-stick yourself into writing by saving the fun part for when you finally write everything that happens before it: Stop. You're probably not a linear writer. You're making yourself suffer for no reason and your writing is probably suffering for it. At least give nonlinear writing a try before you assume you can't write if you're not baiting or forcing yourself into it!! Remember: Writing is fun. You do this because it's fun, because it's your hobby. If you're miserable 80% of the time you're doing it, you're probably doing it wrong!
2. Rereading my own work. I used to hate reading my own work. I wouldn't even edit it usually. I would write it and slap it online and try not to look at it again. XD Writing nonlinearly forced me to start rereading because I needed to make sure scenes connected together naturally and it also made it easier to get into the headspace of the story to keep writing and fill in the blanks and get new inspiration. Doing this built the editing process into my writing process--I would read a scene to get back in the headspace, dislike what I had written, and just clean it up on the fly. I still never ever sit down to 'edit' my work. I just reread it to prep for writing and it ends up editing itself. Many many scenes in this fic I have read probably a dozen times or more! (And now, I can actually reread my own work for enjoyment!) Another thing I found from doing this that it became easy to see patterns and themes in my work and strengthen them. Foreshadowing became easy. Setting up for jokes or plot points became easy. I didn't have to plan out my story in advance or write an outline, because the scenes themselves because a sort of living outline on their own. (Yes, despite all the foreshadowing and recurring thematic elements and secret hidden meanings sprinkled throughout this story, it actually never had an outline or a plan for any of that. It's all a natural byproduct of writing nonlinearly and rereading.)
Unpopular writing opinion time: You don't need to make a detailed outline.
Some people thrive on having an outline and planning out every detail before they sit down to write. But I know for a lot of us, we don't know how to write an outline or how to use it once we've written it. The idea of making one is daunting, and the advice that it's the only way to write or beat writer's block is demoralizing. So let me explain how I approach "outlining" which isn't really outlining at all.
I write in a Notion table, where every scene is a separate table entry and the scene is written in the page inside that entry. I do this because it makes writing nonlinearly VASTLY more intuitive and straightforward than writing in a single document. (If you're familiar with Notion, this probably makes perfect sense to you. If you're not, imagine something a little like a more contained Google Sheets, but every row has a title cell that opens into a unique Google Doc when you click on it. And it's not as slow and clunky as the Google suite lol) (Edit from the future: I answered an ask with more explanation on how I use Notion for non-linear writing here.) When I sit down to begin a new fic idea, I make a quick entry in the table for every scene I already know I'll want or need, with the entries titled with a couple words or a sentence that describes what will be in that scene so I'll remember it later. Basically, it's the most absolute bare-bones skeleton of what I vaguely know will probably happen in the story.
Then I start writing, wherever I want in the list. As I write, ideas for new scenes and new connections and themes will emerge over time, and I'll just slot them in between the original entries wherever they naturally fit, rearranging as necessary, so that I won't forget about them later when I'm ready to write them. As an example, my current long fic started with a list of roughly 35 scenes that I knew I wanted or needed, for a fic that will probably be around 100k words (which I didn't know at the time haha). As of this writing, it has expanded to 129 scenes. And since I write them directly in the page entries for the table, the fic is actually its own outline, without any additional effort on my part. As I said in the comment reply--a living outline!
This also made it easier to let go of the notion that I had to write something exactly right the first time. (People always say you should do this, but how many of us do? It's harder than it sounds! I didn't want to commit to editing later! I didn't want to reread my work! XD) I know I'm going to edit it naturally anyway, so I can feel okay giving myself permission to just write it approximately right and I can fix it later. And what I found from that was that sometimes what I believed was kind of meh when I wrote it was actually totally fine when I read it later! Sometimes the internal critic is actually wrong. 3. Marinating in the headspace of the story. For the first two months I worked on [fic], I did not consume any media other than [fandom the fic is in]. I didn't watch, read, or play anything else. Not even mobile games. (And there wasn't really much fan content for [fandom] to consume either. Still isn't, really. XD) This basically forced me to treat writing my story as my only source of entertainment, and kept me from getting distracted or inspired to write other ideas and abandon this one.
As an aside, I don't think this is a necessary step for writing, but if you really want to be productive in a short burst, I do highly recommend going on a media consumption hiatus. Not forever, obviously! Consuming media is a valuable tool for new inspiration, and reading other's work (both good and bad, as long as you think critically to identify the differences!) is an invaluable resource for improving your writing.
When I write, I usually lay down, close my eyes, and play the scene I'm interested in writing in my head. I even take a ten-minute nap now and then during this process. (I find being in a state of partial drowsiness, but not outright sleepiness, makes writing easier and better. Sleep helps the brain process and make connections!) Then I roll over to the laptop next to me and type up whatever I felt like worked for the scene. This may mean I write half a sentence at a time between intervals of closed-eye-time XD
People always say if you're stuck, you need to outline.
What they actually mean by that (whether they realize it or not) is that if you're stuck, you need to brainstorm. You need to marinate. You don't need to plan what you're doing, you just need to give yourself time to think about it!
What's another framing for brainstorming for your fic? Fantasizing about it! Planning is work, but fantasizing isn't.
You're already fantasizing about it, right? That's why you're writing it. Just direct that effort toward the scenes you're trying to write next! Close your eyes, lay back, and fantasize what the characters do and how they react.
And then quickly note down your inspirations so you don't forget, haha.
And if a scene is so boring to you that even fantasizing about it sucks--it's probably a bad scene.
If it's boring to write, it's going to be boring to read. Ask yourself why you wanted that scene. Is it even necessary? Can you cut it? Can you replace it with a different scene that serves the same purpose but approaches the problem from a different angle? If you can't remove the troublesome scene, what can you change about it that would make it interesting or exciting for you to write?
And I can't write sitting up to save my damn life. It's like my brain just stops working if I have to sit in a chair and stare at a computer screen. I need to be able to lie down, even if I don't use it! Talking walks and swinging in a hammock are also fantastic places to get scene ideas worked out, because the rhythmic motion also helps our brain process. It's just a little harder to work on a laptop in those scenarios. XD
In conclusion: Writing nonlinearly is an amazing tool for kicking writer's block to the curb. There's almost always some scene you'll want to write. If there isn't, you need to re-read or marinate.
Or you need to use the bathroom, eat something, or sleep. XD Seriously, if you're that stuck, assess your current physical condition. You might just be unable to focus because you're uncomfortable and you haven't realized it yet.
Anyway! I hope that was helpful, or at least interesting! XD Sorry again for the text wall. (I think this is the longest comment reply I've ever written!)
And same to you guys on tumblr--I hope this was helpful or at least interesting. XD Reblogs appreciated if so! (Maybe it'll help someone else!)
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