#i had my annual eval with my boss a little while ago and she hates me so much she doesn’t even try to hide it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

madigoround · 1 year ago

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Some days it feels like I am just desperately trying to find reasons to live so I don’t jump off a bridge and it’s hardly even working

Edit: I have spent some very necessary kitten cuddle time and received some very sweet messages from people and I am feeling more sane, definitely recommend nice people and cats lol

#listen i don’t want to be complaining all the time but this is my blog and this is where I vent so maybe just ignore this #literally searching on Pinterest and google reasons to stay alive reasons not to kill yourself etc and all they want to give me is the #crisis line number lol #i really feel like ive surpassed my limit for things I’m able to take today #and it hurts really really bad like it’s just too much #i had my annual eval with my boss a little while ago and she hates me so much she doesn’t even try to hide it #and she just disrespects me and tears me down at every turn no matter how hard I try #and im still stuck in this job by contract until January first and this job makes me want to fucking die #like you Can literally spend your days taking pictures of bloody murder scenes and talking with witnesses and victims and such and she’ll #still say you aren’t doing enough or dedicated enough to this job #and i really went in there with the notion that I was just going to roll over and take whatever she threw at me because it’s not worth it #she turns everything into a fight and all of a sudden she’s going REALLY? you REALLY think you do (this function of your job that you #definitely do multiple times a week despite her skepticism like it’s literally in my memos there’s evidence #and something that I haven’t had the heart to talk about has kind of come to fruition today #about a month ago I was cleaning out my car in preparation for my inspection and I pulled out a box from the mouse infested storage unit a #few months ago that I was just going to throw out because that stuff disgusted me too much to look at #and we had thought we had checked everything and cleaned it all before bringing it in my car or house and I pulled it out and it had #burrow holes in it from #a mouse i literally stopped typing that tag because I heard one and I took the box out and over the last few weeks I thought I heard a c #creature scurrying but I was like I’m probably just paranoid this was from months ago it’s probably gone #and today on my lunch break I started to clean my car and low and behold I found it’s little nest home thing with all kinds of makeshift #bedding and I put down poison so hopefully it will eat the poison and leave my car to get water cause they’re supposed to seek out water #and it’s like honestly I’m not sure how much more I can take right now like I’m really trying to be positive and focus on the good and all #and i just kind of wish that I could decide to die and it would happen painlessly and I’d just be gone #it would be so much easier for everyone I think if I was gone

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