#this week so i probably wont have enough time to do it unless i stop sleeping or stop being depressed

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[loolooloo-i-got-some-apples]

SOUTH PARK BOYS KISSING HEADCANONS

{ ALL CHARACTERS AGED UP!! }

featuring - the main four stan, kyle, eric, kenny, butters, (craig’s gang is next

warnings: both sfw and nsfw headcanons, fem!reader (if you’d like a male/gn ver, feel free to request!), no nsfw for cartman

a/n: sorry guys this isn’t my best work, but hey first actual post out of the way :)) my apologies to my cartman girlies, i really struggled to write for him

[NSFW CONTENT BELOW CUT]

[STAN MARSH]

SFW

thanks to wendy he’s semi-experienced when it comes to kissing

definitely a big forehead kisser (giving and receiving)

he’d probably throw up after your first kiss

he 100% throws up before you come over because he knows you’ll end up making out

he’ll get a goofy grin when you kiss his cheek

blushing like crazy

will have chapped lips the first few times he kisses you

will start wearing chapstick and chewing mints to make it as enjoyable as possible for you

he tried to remember to bring chapstick after the first time

but he was just so excited

eventually stan told him to put some in his bag and he just left it in there for when he sees you

was so prepared for your first kiss

like

he’s been planning this for weeks

won’t tell anybody you kissed him

but everybody will definitely know

i mean

just look at his goofy grin everytime you’re mentioned or in eyeshot

when he gets used to kissing he’ll start to lick his lips after a make out session

just to get one more taste of you

constant little pecks

“hello” peck

“i love you” peck

“what’s the answer to question B?” peck

“i have to go to the bathroom” peck

you get the gist

he’s the type to smile the whole time you’re kissing

before, during, after he’s got a huge charlie brown grin

NSFW

he’d love to kiss your thighs

seeing as he’s a thigh lover

the type to kiss your forehead mid-fuck

doesn’t matter if he’s going slow or straight up pounding you

you will be receiving many gentle kisses all over your face

he seems like the type of guy to hold your hand while you guys lose your virginities to each other

would probably kiss all of your knuckles

would def kiss you before and after he eats you out

he just wants you to see how good you taste

definitely claims to be freaky and kinky in front of other people but is actually super vanilla

he just wants your body against his and your lips glued together honestly

[KYLE BROFLOVSKI]

SFW

no experience kissing whatsoever

but he read about it

and he figures he’s seen enough kissing in movies and around him to understand the basics

will forget to ask for consent then remember last minute

like

his lips will be just hovering over yours and he’ll get so distracted

then he’ll suddenly just blurt out

“by the way, can i kiss you?”

— he said after starting to lean in already

so into it

will try and slip his tongue in on the first kiss to see what you do

if you roll with it, he’ll just keep going unless you want to stop

if you don’t like it, he probably won’t use tongue until you have to explain that he can

“kyle, if i use tongue you can use tongue, it was just weird for the first kiss”

“what- wait seriously? so we’ve been kissing without tongue for no reason?”

“yeah, dude.”

he wont just blush, his whole face will turn neon red

will start wearing chapstick and chewing mints to make it as enjoyable as possible for you

the type to play with your hair while he slips his tongue down your throat

more of a neck + shoulder kisser, but he’ll melt if you kiss his cheek

you kiss his freckles once and suddenly he’s begging you to do it everytime you cuddle

kisses make him feel so loved

will probably accidentally bump heads when he tries to properly make out with you for the first time

needs a little reassurance here and there, maybe some praise

NSFW

biiiiig titty man

will kiss them all over

big or small, doesn’t matter

he just adores them

his head will be in your neck the whole time you guys lose your virginities to each other (if you’re a virgin, that is)

you’ll leave with hickey’s all over

he’d be so proud of them too

he’ll probably cry after your first time, but he wouldn’t let you see it

[ERIC CARTMAN]

SFW

you’re definitely his first girlfriend but not his first kiss

i’m pretty sure he would have bought a kiss from Butters’ Kissing Company

probably begged his mom to give him the money

he’d be a sloppy kisser

will cry if you nibble his lip too hard

realistically, even though you’re not his first kiss, he’ll still have no idea

and he probably won’t be happy about any criticism

he’s a rough kisser at first

seems like the kind to hold your shoulders

more of a peck guy than a make out session type

but when you do make out he’s definitely confident—although he definitely shouldn’t be

instead of asking if you liked it, will probably assume he carried

“don’t worry, bae, don’t gotta say it, we both know you loved it.”

you chuckle “yeah, i really did.”

“wait seriously? i mean- kewl, duh, obviously. I’m the king of making out.”

— he says as if it’s not his first time making out with a girl before

he’s the type to try and tease you by not using tongue to see your reaction

if he doesn’t get a reaction he will 100% pout

just a big baby in general

he’d never admit that you’re the only one he cares about so much

[KENNY MCCORMICK]

SFW

super experienced in both normal kissing and in full blown making out

he’s experienced in pretty much everything, honestly

his rice purity score is like a -5 considering both his sexual experience and his criminal record

he’d be gentle the first time you guys kiss

he cared about you too much

sloppy kisses when he’s high or drunk

he’s got using tongue down to an art

he’ll gently tease your bottom lip a few minutes into the kiss

and then he’ll slowly get a little more needy and end up whispering against your lips

“wanna open up f’me, princess?”

yes, he calls you princess

or pookie

honestly he’ll just go for whatever gets you blushing, whether that’s out of embarrassment or being flustered

he legit doesn’t care as long as you laugh or smile

anyway when you do part your lips he’s immediately diving in headfirst

will kiss you all over

he’s honestly very loving with his kisses as your relationship progresses

super considerate when it comes to consent

like this man refuses to even make eye contact with you without at least a nod or a yes

okay, maybe an exaggeration

but you get the gist

he’ll kiss you anywhere, anytime

middle of english? his tongue will still be down your throat

lunch? let’s sit behind the school so the teachers can’t catch us

you’re not in the same class but he’s just craving it? you’ll get a notification to go to the janitors closet

sitting with his friends? will kiss you with his all just so they know

he’s

the lucky one there

i’m assuming you’ve caught on

this man will not hesitate to kiss you

he’d probably kiss you just to get you to relax (for my moody girlies—we rise!)

angry? smooch.

sad? smooch.

period cramps getting to you? smooch

super excited? big fat loving smooch

he’ll take any excuse to kiss you, in public or in private, doesn’t matter

NSFW

we all know kenny’s a boob man

he’ll kiss ‘em

he’ll touch ‘em

he’ll make out with you with ‘em in his hands

just wants to kiss you all over

and when i say that i mean all over

he’ll gladly eat you out

he’d call it kitty licks 😭

i mean it when i say this man literally WORSHIPS you

honestly, all in all, he’s so horny

like it’s impossible to put just how horny he is into words

be warned,

he will 2000% get a boner from a peck if you hold eye contact after,

or bite your lip,

or lick your lips,

or you literally exist seeing as he thinks you’re the most gorgeous sexy goddess of a woman to ever walk the earth

[BUTTERS STOTCH]

SFW

he’s experienced with kissing considering his kissing company

just as, if not more, experienced than kenny

he’s so respectful with you

very gentle and loving

he’d act like every kiss is the first

he’ll get so flustered no matter what you do

after your first make out session he’ll probably thank you

“gee, thank you for that sweetie, that was neat-o! you’re real good at kissin’ baby.”

will def have a content smile before after and during

he’d hold you while he kissed your whole face

loves kissing you on your nose

and being kissed right between his eyebrows

he’s the type to kiss your eyelids so every part of you feels loved (🤞 please somebody get that reference)

overall he’s just so loving and gentle with you

NSFW

so can we all agree that butters is a total freak in the sheets?

like he’s the exact opposite of stan

you assume he’s a basic vanilla guy

but really he’s the type to tie you up

he’d never spank you or anything like that

not unless you really wanted him to

the type to refer to sex as love-making

he’ll kiss you a lot during it because he needs you to know that the whole dominant thing is an act

he needs you to know that he adores you and kisses the ground you walk on

back to kissing—

he WILL kiss your ass

literally

like no joke he’s the type to spank you and call you a bitch

then do his little giggle and apologise while kissing it better when it’s all said and done

he’s a huge fan of bathing together—both in a wholesome and not so wholesome way

he just loves how warm it is and how vulnerable you both are

it feels safe for him

that’s when you both give and receive the most kisses, honestly

he mostly gets kissed so often in the bath because he literally BEGS to have your lips on him

kissing is his foreplay and his aftercare, just to put that out there.

[otherentrance]

if i had a nickel for every time david tennant played a space alien who quoted a line from shakespeare to shakespeare and then the poet himself went "i might use that" i dont even know how many nickels id have. probably not a lot but its weird that it happened more than once

ahem

so doctor who s3e2 am i right. The Shakespeare Code

the most unrealistic thing about this episode full of witchcraft and bullshitting people is that shakespeare did the whole "now get out- *sees someone pretty* oh, ok, nvm sit down" but it was about martha and not david tennant. do i need to start shipping the doctor with literal shakespeare out of spite??

so martha and ten sit to chat with The Poet, right, and martha starts doing that thing where she tries to talk using words that pop culture associates with the time just for ten to turn to her and go "no, no, dont do that". rose tyler in the opening of Tooth and Claw is that you?

speaking of rose! "psychic paper, um, ..long story. oh i hate starting from scratch" right so martha doesnt understand the psychic paper because she's new. and i love ten's line here! "i hate starting from scratch"

its funny, because we know how much ten misses rose. we know how much emotional baggage comes with finding a new companion. yet we forget just how long the doctor has been doing this

i havent seen the classic era of doctor who, and i doubt anyone on tumblr has either, but the doctor has, presumably, been loosing people for a long time

& i appreciate how theres a real sense of experience in ten's line here. ofc he doesnt honestly mean "i hate starting from scratch", its just that when you do something for long enough little annoyances about it can tire you. and ten is, among other things, very tired

(similarly, i do very much appreciate this interaction between The Poet and ten. "and you, sir doctor, how can a man so young have eyes so old?" "i do a lot of reading." "a trite reply, yeah? thats what i do." & then ten's got this look on his face! tired eyes, slight smile, like he's softening. recognizing something of himself in shakespeare of all people. god i love him so much)

i think its fascinating, too, how theres a sense of.. unimportance(?) to his new companions when theyre new. like over the years, the people the doctor has interacted with have become just that- people. sure the significance and uniqueness of certain people stick out, but eventually you start seeing just how similar we all are, innately

and theres certainly something to love in that sentiment, that people are at their core very similar, and the doctor certainly loves humanity. but he doesnt know martha well enough for her individuality to matter entirely: she's another chance at happiness, another opportunity, instead of a fully understood person, to him

isnt there something so human in that? isnt there something a little bit tiring about having to unveil yourself to every new person you want to know? isnt it just a little tempting to pretend youre different? to pretend all that emotional baggage, all that history, doesnt exist? they dont know you, they wont unless you tell them, so dont. this is how you outrun the past, by throwing yourself into the future

(completely unrelated but this episode is so funny about queer stuff in hindisght. "so those [actors on stage in 1599] are men dressed as women, right?" "london never changes" like excuse me??? are you trying to imply something sir???

that whole "there was only one bed" scene in which martha is almost flirting but ten just completely ignores it

& then ten is annoyed that martha and shakespeare are stopping to chat so we get: ten: "come on, we can all have a good flirt later!" the poet: "is that promise, doctor?" ten: "oh, 57 academics just punched the air" pardon??

the witch [villain of the week] being seductive to trick ten? "thats one form of magic that isnt gonna work on me"??? oh??? ace ten confirmed????

and then the episode finishes off with banishing the evil witches by shouting "expelliarmus!" and ten throwing in a "good old JK". like i know they didnt know she was an ass in 2007 but man this episode is a rollercoaster)

um. yeah. im normal about doctor who

[vampismm]

Ticci Toby General Headcanons

(srry its so long i have a lot of thoughts about him... probably will rewrite later

) ---------------------------------------- - toby rogers is a small kid, around 5'6-5'7 with messy, shaggy brown hair and dark brown eyes. his hair is choppy and uneven from having to cut it himself and his eyes lack any true life behind them - to be fair, the guy himself lacks any life in him in general. he lost it all when he destroyed his life and became a proxy - but theres nothing he can do now. he knows this, and he copes hard. in ways that are less than ideal - fighting, outbursts, temper tantrums, drinking, smoking, murder - toby thinks with his fists more than he does his brain. he always has been and always will be a fighter, thats one thing he got from his father for better or for worse - he's just generally an insensitive prick - the kid doesn't care one bit about anybody but himself. its a dog eat dog world, right? every man for himself. - besides the lack of empathy, and the callousness, toby is also a weird kid in all. he crosses lines and disrespects boundaries, and is very vulgar and crude - very loud and immature. just an obnoxious prick - he does what he wants and god forbid anybody tries to assert authority over him - this is why he tends to have issues with tim. he cant stand the thought of some random guy going around acting like he knows him, or telling him what to do - nobody knows toby, not truly. he overshares and he talks a lot, but he doesnt really say much. the kid would rather kick, fight and scream than let anybody close to him - theres not a single soul on earth that toby trusts enough to rely on, in his mind all he has is himself now. especially after everything with his sister. he barely remembers it, but god does it follow him - he was never incredibly close with his sister, they just stuck by each other while dealing with their father. they bonded over the abuse in a subtle, sick way - she would stand up for him while he was being bullied in middle school, not knowing that toby would often instigate the fights. he was a violent kid projecting the violence at home onto kids on the playground - he wasnt just bullied, he was a bully too - to this day, people will often avoid him or feel uncomfortable around him. toby is just an antisocial asshole who pushes people away - despite this, he can be rather friendly at times. he's a very charismatic person when he wants to be and is scarily good at getting people to like him. - its only when they really get to know him that they run for the hills. he's nothing but a wolf in sheeps clothing and he pulls off the "troubled teen" act very well - when it comes to his 'job', he doesn't really follow through in the way he's supposed to - unless of course he's being directly controlled by Him - sometimes toby will wake up in the forest, covered in blood that isnt his and having no recollection of the past week or month - so much time has been taken from him, and so much more - theres not much he can do though. he has a job and He wont let him stop until the boy is useless. then he'll be discarded - until then, toby will continue to destroy himself just like he destroys everything around him. he will continue to be a fighter until he cant anymore. he'll continue to take and ruin lives - because honestly, thats all toby rogers has become and ever will be

[imaginespazzi]

I'd just like to say I've had a super busy week with personal stuff and work, and you have no idea how much seeing a new chapter perked me up! Your writing makes me so happy. I'm stuck working on a presentation for work this weekend and it is really draining and boring, and I've allowed myself to reread and review a section of this chapter for every 5 slides I finish. Productivity Queen.

May 2033 - Locker room eye fucking

alright so it took me a hot minute to figure out what the HELL this chapter had to do with chapter 2, but I think I have it. Paige is worried Angie Davis will shine, the Valks will not need 2 PGs the next season, and P will have to go to the liberty… so her plan is to… kill Angie?

Also I feel like you didn't tell us who their coach is on purpose! You crafty minx.

Of course they watched the draft together, as I am sure they do everything together, cause they are wifey. Azzi keeps referencing she doesn't know what 'this' is yet, but I am curious why. Like they are clearly committed and exclusive… why not slap a GF label on there you fools. Honestly at this point though GF doesn't seem like enough.

Azzi being distracted by P's biceps…. me too girl, me too.

Paige being distracted by Azzis abs… me too girl.

Hickey on the collarbone from last night. I hope these two idiots are being quiet. Poor Stephie being in the same house at night as these two horn bags.

Ok I love this sexy little banter in the locker room, they are such idiots for thinking they wont get clocked.

The tidbit about Paige suggesting first that they keep it on the DLDL is so sad to me, babygirl trying some self preservation.

Tessa is a menace and I love it.

LOL Jana being so relieved to have SOMEONE to share her misery with.

"They're kind of disgusting" clocked.

May 2033 - Domestic car ride #1

I need to admit, as I've been critical of her in the past - I am SO PROUD of Azzi. She is all in on this, and despite her constant nagging fears, she is fighting against them cause she wants this. A+ growth Azzi, you go Azzi Bueckers.

Also I am just loving how much they call each other Baby it is very very cute and makes my heart and my vagina swell with happiness.

“I’m okay with the fact that you’ve probably fucked other people. I mean other than the woman you married as well that is.” HEHEHE yes thank you for this, I think there needs to be an 'Azzi spitefully brings up Olivia' occurance at least once a chapter. Bonus points when she uses a word other than Olivia's actual name to describe her.

"then hear about some whore who had the audacity-” HAHAHAHA. Paige Imma hold your hand when I say this, but I think there were probably a few whores and at least one man-whore.

The hand holding in the car, the knuckle kiss, "all mine"… SQUEEEEE

I am proud of these two idiots for their communication on this though! Azzi for gently coaxing, Paige for realizing its best to talk it out together. “it’s nothing we can’t get through.” Awwww.

May 2033 - Enter Stephie

I have to say Stephie is the absolute STAR of this chapter. Too many zingers to list. I love it, you write her really well cause its hard to make a 5 year old engaging or believable.

I am absolutely shocked Azzi hasn't threatened to withhold sex unless P stops giving Stephie so much junk food. Azzi is gonna have an aneurysm. Prob cries into her green juice daily.

'you’re more than that, you two are the reason my world keeps turning' I'll say it again, I am so proud of Azzi. Bitch is ALL IN.

Wow they have fully uhauled eh? I LOVE IT.

Paige with kids is TOO CUTE. I don't blame Stephie I'd be pissed if Paige wasn't giving me all her attention either.

HAHAHAHAHA Curry clocking them since high school. You bitches are not slick.

“No thank you Coach Bueckers,” ouch.

AZZI IS WAITING FOR THE RIGHT TIME TO SAY I LOVE YOU? I PRAYED FOR DAYS LIKE THESE.

The whole exchange with Claudia's whore mom was absolutely spot on. Paige would be obliviously smiling along chatting away thinking nothing of it. AZZI with the bicep crushing hold.

NOT CLEMENTINE! Stephie is more of a menace than I thought possible.

“Well is she allowed to hug and carry and kiss Claudia’s Mama then?” - CLOCKED AGAIN. Does Stephie suspect something?

October 2022

I know this is gonna hurt cause a Drew + Azzi Pookie pairing realllly has my heart

Paige freaking out about waking up alone on her birthday is so accurate

“you won’t ever hurt my Paigey will you?” OH DEAR GOD 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

May 2033 - Drew is Scary

Shocked Paige didn't yell at him immediately with that attitude he's giving her girl

Not Stephie with the kisses, she is diabolical

Oh so he HATES HATES Azzi

Drew just finished his rookie NBA season! I love that for him

"you’re my Miss Buecks’s Mommy's brother so that means you’re my Uncle Drew .” Fixed it for you.

This was so good and I cannot fucking wait to see what happens next. Thank you for blessing us with another chapter Nivi!!! 🤱🏽🤱🏽🤱🏽

Bestiiiieeeee hi <3 Aww I'm glad to provide a little reprieve in your life and i know you're gonna crush your presentation for sure!

I love that you title parts of the story lmao

Does Paige ever actually have a plan or she just doing what the vibes tell her? Which i mean yeah I guess might be to kill Angie?

Yeaaaaah this is not one of those Nivi has a plan situations. The Coach doesn't have a name because I haven't figured out who it is yet and so she's just unnamed til I do whoops.

No labels because they're going with the flow (what could go wrong you know?)

LMAO they're trying to be as quiet as possible I'm sure

I'm so glad you see Azzi's growth like girlie's done a lot of it since she ran out of Paige's house and is definitely fighting all her intrusive thoughts.

I'm a whore for the word "baby" and so are they because this is my fic tee hee

One thing Azzi's gonna do is make sure everyone knows she does not like #thatwoman

I'm so glad y'all love Stephie and she's both adorable and believable. She's like the perfect cumulation of all my kids at work and so I really do hop I do her justice.

I mean l don't know if Azzi could survive withholding sex lmao

Stephanie Katarina Fudd: smartest kid in the world fr fr - she doesn't suspect per say but I think she can tell that what her Mama has with Miss Buecks isn't the same as with her other Aunties

Paige just dramatic as hell all the time I fear

DREW IS SCARY LMAO

Stephie's gonna get her kisses no matter how awkward everyone in the room is lmao

[midnxght-sweet-time]

Beta Riddle fic??????? 👀👀👀👀👀👀👀

Im on my knees pls tell us more 👉👈

Yes Im working on a Beta Riddle fic-

I swear I have scour the whole entirety of social media and have only found TWO fics of Beta Riddle and about five fanarts at best. IM DESPERATELY CRAVING FOR SOME BETA RIDDLE EVEN IF HIS NOT CANON- I WANT HIM AS LIKE A SIDE CHARAC OR SMTHG T^T

On that note, i have decided the best way is to just feed myself. Dont get me wrong I love the strawberry ant boi we have now but like-

The concept of Riddle? Being spoiled and bratty???

Can no one see how unhinge he couldve been? How even more satisfying it will be to defeat him when he OB?

Sadly my fic wont include any OB (unless I think of an idea to shove it in) but I'll give a brief— I always wondered how we would have to sympathize with Riddle even if he is a spoiled brat. Cuz keep in mind the whole goal of Twst is to litterally tame all these rowdy hormonial teens with i s s u e s.

Beta Riddle out of all them— if we replace him with canon Riddle into the canon universe, seems like the most well off dorm leader compare to the rest. Until when you realize, sometimes even the most brattiest person, the one who has been given alot since childhood can be neglected.

Aksjaksjaksk ALLOW ME TO BRAINROT RANT— I see Beta Riddle as touch starved- (as he should be lmao cuz twst is a 'non otome game' right ?) He was given everything as a child. He had a choice to not study, he got all the most expensive luxuries, all the toys, got a tart for his birthday, etc etc. What every child dream off- hell I wont be surprise beta Riddle's mom lets him eat ice cream before dinner.

But the one thing Riddle has never been given all throughout his life, was genuine care.

Cheesy ik- but heres what I hced/imagined:

Ever since young, beta Riddle is just as isolated as canon Riddle. Only the reason his so isolated is because his homeschooled by a hired teacher. His mother is always away busy with work so she never had much time for him. She spoils him with toys and gifts he wants to keep him happy but never bothered making time to give him what he needs. I imagined beta Riddle as a child used to be as hardworking at canon Riddle but overtime when he realized his efforts were only glossed over by his mom, he slowly starts to despise studying. Its like Leona's case where, he knows his mom wont even celebrate with him no matter how many A's he filled up his exams.

Might as well stop trying and seek attention elsewhere which is why when he came to NRC, the first time he ever get a chance to be in a crowd or what was considered public. He probs took the role as dorm leader of Heartslabyul because the old leader was a sticker for rules which is why it was so easy to grab that position when you can just cheat. Besides.. it doesnt seem the dorm members care much for these rules. Just break them all and call it a day.

Yes he has a chance to be with Trey and Chen'ya but they feel more like servants to him then friends. Especially Trey. But what can they do? They cant tell if Riddle cares for them enough to listen to them. And besides, Chen'ya probably gets a kick in making Riddle mad and flustered while Trey is just the 'I dont get paid enough for this shit—' babysitter. We already know Trey didnt bother stepping up to Riddle and smack some sense into him til he OB, tf is my baker boi gonna do with this bratty boi? Just let the man bake his tarts and be a malewife. All that problem solving goes to the one darling Riddle falls for and is desperately seeking their attention even if it were an act of defiance or looks of disgust >;3

This fic will take me a couple of weeks or more to complete cuz I only have the planning on board but how I will execute this writing will be slightly difficult.

[skeleton-wannabeee]

i wanted to share some context on what i do and eat every day to show that some people in certain scenarios don’t need to eat as little as 400 calories to lose weight fast.

my health/meds:

i am being treated for Lyme disease and have been on antibiotics for over a year now. sometimes im on two or three at a time. when im on antibiotics i need even more calories than normal and i wont fight it.

for my mental health, i am on Lamictal, Wellbutrin, Pristiq, and Gabapentin. those meds need calories to burn, so a total fast will NEVER work for me unless i want to have a seizure and get admitted.

my diet:

my goal is typically under 800, and the lowest i will shoot for is 650.

my doctor advised me to limit my refined sugars as much as possible and go gluten free. i do limit the refined sugars but there are a bit in my protein bars and i have starbucks here and there. i am mostly gluten free and mostly vegan (100% dairy free).

i try to mainly put good things in my body because if i am going to eat the calories, i want to get nutrients from it. macros are important because getting enough carbs, proteins and fats will allow your body to break down what you eat.

my activity:

i try to go to the sauna 4-5 times a week. i do a 15 minute HIIT cycle class and nowadays i just stay in until i get 30 zone minutes. after that i walk with my dog. we do 2-3 miles and probably run half of it? be sure to prioritize your dog when exercising with an 3d, they can’t handle as much as we can. i had a friend who almost lost her dog that way, he had a heat stroke. i also just try to get up and clean throughout my evening like phone or something for 30, get up and clean for 30. something like that.

results:

i gained 70 lbs in recovery, so my SW was 192… i started losing in june of 2023 and as of today have lost 61 lbs :)

you can lose the weight without going complete fast but also do that if you want, its a nice feeling lol just remember to feed the meds!

positive outcome from recovery:

i have obviously relapsed and im happy with that decision, but i gained some really amazing things in recovery and im going to share them.

1. i got nicer/my real personality came out and i stopped contributing to the patriarchy

2. i learned a lot about food and my body and its an amazing skill to have

3. i got rid of my body dysmorphia and we can all celebrate that shit!!

[awaitingfall]

11.19.24

139.2

I made my 10K steps yesterday! I had to run on the elliptical after work to make up about 3,000 that I was missing, but thankfully I got a majority in during my work hours. That probably won’t be the case for the rest of this week, though. I will have fewer opportunities to be moving around like yesterday, so I will probably be on the elliptical for a while after work every day this week. As long as I get all my steps in then that’s good enough for me for now. I’m only going to worry about my steps and my portion sizes for now (and fasting hours) until we get settled into the house. It probably wont be until late December/early January that we’ll have the home gym set up and I’ll get to take my parents’ REAL elliptical and start getting a full range of motion in. We’ll probably also invest in a nice enough rack of dumbbells and I’ll start lifting a little.

- - -

I SO BADLY want to start working part-time after we move into the house, but that’s when I’m also gonna have to start working on building my savings back up so I don’t think it’s a possibility to stop working full time in the near future :( unless I can make a partial living off my art. I’ll have to work hard to make that dream a reality.

- - -

I’m excited because this week is my last full week of work for the next 3 weeks (at least). Next week I’m only working Monday, half of Tuesday, and half of Wednesday due to the holidays and the house closing. The next week I’ll only be working Mon-Thurs. and then the week after that I’ll only be working Tues-Fri. Since I asked off for a long weekend the first week of December to get some time-sensitive stuff done at the house.

- - -

Okay, gonna do some language studying and read for a little if my eye floaters aren’t bothering me too much.

[coridallasmultipass]

Vent personal medical long post

So the shit week continues. No new painkillers, i took the last expired hydrocodone, so if im still in pain tomorrow im gonna have to cut a morphine in half and see if i can tolerate it (i took a whole 15mg one on sunday when my back pain first went out, and while it helped it was way too much painkiller and i got so nauseous. The hydrocodone is 1/3 of the morphine dose, and i dont know how to cut this tiny fucking morphine pill into 3. I dunno if its even big enough to be cut in half!!)

The specialist did get me a back xray which was normal (as expected), and physical therapy, which is good, except i can only attend if i get an appointment within 2 weeks, because after that i wont have a ride, and the distance to walk there is 2.5 miles steep downhill (fine. Ive done that walk before. It would suck because of the pain.) But coming back home after the appointment would be 2.5 miles steep uphill when im probably extremely sore and can barely walk after physical therapy (has always been the case whenever ive gone to pt) and i dont think i can fucking do 5 miles. I can hardly walk the stairs in my house. (Warned u bout the stairs dogg) The occasional 3 mile round trip that i do to go to the post office when i dont have access to a car is bad enough that it puts me out of commission, especially bc its all uneven terrain no sidewalks.

I tried calling anyway and its voicemail so theyre probably at lunch right now. But it still sucks. Im so fucking tired of this.

I hate having to rely on other people - doctors or family. I hate having to make and attend so many appointments. And im not even fucking doing everything i need to. I saw this pt place has pain management (i didnt think there was any in this area so i gave up on that) so i can try asking for that too, but again, thats more appointments i need to coordinate, and last time i did pain management they basically said "see a psychiatrist for antidepressants or try medical marijuana bc we cant do anything else for you" lmao (i did the mm despite never having tried it before. It helps but its not enough lol). My current psychiatrist has exhausted every medical option for my depression. So its either they give me painkillers or something else idk what, or i just stay home and continue to suffer.

And thats a whole nother thing the rheumatologist today was like "oh why did you stop antidepressants if youre in so much pain??" My duDE I WAS SO MISERABLE AND COULDNT DO ANYTHING AT ALL. FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS. Once i stopped antidepressants, i was able to start exercising regularly, i started drawing and writing with more enjoyment (had not drawn with regularity since 2019!!), i am more present in life, like... doing antidepressants was the worst fucking 5 years of my life. None of them helped my depression, they only made me worse. I tried every branch of them and not a single one helped. Im still fucking depressed and anxious as shit taking methylphenidate but hard evidence points to it being a great help compared with anything else ive ever taken. God that fucking "treatment resistant depression" diagnosis was the worst fucking thing. Theres like nothing else to try except super niche experimental treatments that insurance wont cover and they dont accept secondary insurance (which is the one that i could probably get to cover a new treatment but it takes a lot of coordination on both parties, like what im doing for my tmj problems and getting aligners). Ughhh. I dont wanna fucking do experimental shit either. Unless someone wants to donate me an ayahuasca vacation or something lmao. (Joke, i dont have a passport and i dont wanna pause all my other meds)

It sucks that none of my medical problems are treatable. I got permanent depression/anxiety/ocd/whatever other things that are undiagnosed despite my requests for testing. Permanent endometriosis (no cure and my body isnt accepting the medical or sugical treatments). Lifelong teeth problems (unknown if this new treatment will help my teeth or jaw yet but like.. arthritis is also lifelong and damage is damage). Arthritis thats lifelong but Mostly managed, at least during warm seasons. Permanent untreatable fibromyalgia (the antidepressants are the only medical treatment for it and never helped with pain, maybe even made it worse, and no one wants to give me painkillers anymore since like 2015. Sucks that old people can get painkillers like candy but because im young and hide my pain really well i get treated like an addict. My mom was like 'your gramma gets painkillers all the time!!' Yeah but im not in my 70s. Theres age bias here.) I got chronic untreated gerd (well, i take otc meds, and my attempts to treat it got canceled bc thats when covid was rampant, and the doc stopped prescribing me stronger meds bc i hadnt seen him in a while, bUT I LITERALLY COULDNT GET IN BC OF COVID. I just dont eat any of my favourite acidic foods anymore. I miss tomatoes. Sometimes i gotta eat them and just triple up on 3 different antacids and deal with the sore throat the next day). Well, was gonna say i got chronic insomnia but thats probably the only thing thats fully treated by 2 meds and sometimes weed. (But like. Im a nightowl. Its just that i have to fit in with society to get up in the morning for appointments. I have that like delayed body clock issue lol. So in a way it kind of is still a chronic issue, but at least im getting a full night of sleep when the body pain isnt extreme.)

But yeah. It sucks to be me. Dunno where im going w this post. Its just so frustrating when youre telling the doctor you're in constant pain and hes like 'i know. See you in a couple months.' Rheumatologists are supposed to treat fibro. But i always get hot potatoed to the next doctor. Like i get it, i am untreatable, but someone please do something! Ugh. Like theres really no options besides painkillers or weed, and i can only use weed in the evenings bc my family doesnt approve (literally said the most vile shit when i mentioned the pain clinic recommended it), plus cant use it if im gonna drive somewhere - in theory, i dont have a license lol but the point is i shouldnt have to take an intoxicant during the day!! Painkillers at the lowest dose do not intoxicate me, and in fact, make me more lucid bc it lifts the fucking fog of pain!! Wish doctors would understand how much they helped me in the past. When i was on the combo of painkillers and the arthritis med im on now, i was literally going for jogs every fucking day. I have proof of it. I probably couldnt do that now bc im a lot heavier and a lot sicker, but the point is i can be more active if im not in pain, and being active helps both the arthritis and fibro! Ughhhh.

Online is like "painkillers have not been shown to help fibro" bull fucking shit. Maybe im an odd one out. But ive been diagnosed since i was 12 and fit the fucking symptoms. They fucking help and ive been off them for so many fucking years now while all my health has deteriorated. Do you know how miserable it is to find out you have fibromyalgia affecting the nerves around your teeth? On top of my tmj problems!! I can barely eat anything since starting the aligners because my mouth is in too much pain!!

The only thing painkillers havent helped was the fucking endometriosis, which ironically, is the only reason i even have painkillers on hand for my back injury.

And god fuck i do not want to think abt the endo. Theres no quality of life when im panicking every day about when the next flare up is gonna happen. Theres no hope there bc theres no treatment that works for me. I already had a hysto but it was probably too late since the endo spread. Idk if im gonna survive the next flare. Especially because i have to stop taking the med that was possibly helping since ive been on it too long. The doctors ive been seeing have just been like "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it" which is just causing more anxiety because the bridge is like. This next month. Whenever theres a flare up, i have to stop ALL my arthritis meds just so i can take advil since thats the only thing that provides me some relief (and thats terrifying bc advil has given me an ulcer before! Because of taking it during a period and i was in too much pain to sit up for 10 minutes after taking it. Fuck endo.) Idk what to do.

Anyway. Thats the sitch. Ill try calling for pt again since this took a while to type. If theyre still closed, well, i guess ill just go fuck myself.

[sw4tch]

*defeated sigh* how do i tell this man to stop trying to flirt with me or i will kick his ass

also it's THAT GUY AGAIN AND IM GETTING TIRED. bcus WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE FRIENDS and i would PREFER IF HE ACTED AS ONE BUT NOOOOO he has to act WEIRD in a very obvious "i have a crush on you" way AND I HATE IT.

Because here's the thing. I am perhaps being very shallow. Because i absolutely see myself being open to a relationship happening between us if he was my type of cute man. BUT HE'S NOT. So instead of getting butterflies in my stomach and feeling flattered I JUST GET SO FUCKING PISSED OFF BECAUSE I ABSOLUTELY CANNOTTTTTTT TELL HIM TO FUCK OFFFFFFFF.

He's not harassing me or doing anything inappropriate but i just HATE. HATE. HATE. THAT HE HAS A CRUSH ON ME (or at least HE ACTS LIKE IT)

The other day he sent me a spiderverse meme video (it was about lyla bothering miguel) and i went "oh to be Miguel's ai girlfriend" and he just went "oh to be miguel" like FUCK OFF? I AM NOT GOING TO BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND MAN.

I am NOT EVEN A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and "well he could have meant nothing by it" which fair. Which is why i didnt fucking reply to that at all. But then the next day he sent me a "wish you a nice weekend :)" message and i saw RED. Bcus.

FUCK. how do i explain this.

Men never NEVER act like this unless they Want You. Getting Male Attention only happens when they perceive you as a Woman and as someone they want a romantic relationship with.

And also he had never sent me a nice weekend message before so it just felt like "WHAT ARE YOUR FUCKING INTENTIONS MAN 🔫 I AM JUST YOUR FRIEND AND I WILL NEVER BE ANYTHING ELSE SO WHY WONT U LEAVE ME ALONEEEEE"

And I HATE IT.

Bcus he's an OKAY GUY. how many times do i have to describe him as "well there's nothing wrong with him he's just annoying" BCUS THAT'S JUST HIM.

And i hate it. I hate that he has a crush on me. I loathe it. He read MTMTE for me because i told him i was obsessing over tf and he went and read it and now he makes transformers references at me AND I HATE IT.

I just HATE IT!

I hate that i hate it because it makes me FEEL BAD!!!!!!!!

If i were a normal, mentally stable, completely cis, completely heterosexual person, perhaps less shallow too- i would probably like him a lot.

BUT I'M NOT. AND ALSO I HAVE HIGH STANDARDS. IMPOSSIBLE STANDARDS. AND I LIKE CUTE MEN WITH LONG HAIR THAT LOOK LIKE PRINCES. and he's not!!! He's not!!!

And i feel bad!!! Because i simply cannot like him AND I REFUSE TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE BCUS I SPENT SO MUCH OF MY LIFE BEING USED- i will not GIVE IN and GET USED just bcus i feel bad for SOME GUY who's JUST OKAY.

Fuck. I hate it. My crushes must feel like this too. They must loathe every second i show them my love and affection. I must be as disgusting to them. I am trapped in hell and that hell is "wanting to be loved so badly, so so so badly, but also hating that people interested in me aren't my idealized dream person"

Bcus.

It feels fake!!!! It feels so fake!!!!! He doesn’t like me for me!!!!!!!!!!!! HE WANTS TO JUST USE ME AS A PIECE OF MEAT!!!!!!!! HE KNOWS NOTHING OF ME, OR MY DREAMS, OR MY ISSUES, OR MY REAL SELF!!!!!! HE THINKS HE LIKES ME BECAUSE HE DOES NOT KNOW ME AT ALL!!!!!

AND NO ONE EVER WILL KNOW THE REAL ME BECAUSE I CAN NEVER BE LOVED AGAIN!!!!!!!

Anytime anyone says they care about me, I.

I nod and smile. I thank them. I thank them a lot.

And then internally i lament the fact that their words feel fake to me.

Oddly enough. I can believe them from one person, one college friend. But it's mostly because for some reason. She has always seemed very genuine and sweet? We talk every week we can and we tell each other updates of our lives, and sometimes she will tell me how things are going with her tumultuous family issues, and sometimes i will tell her how things are going with my complicated relationship with my mom. And sometimes I'll cry on the phone and she will comfort me. And i always cheer her on if things are bad on her end.

Still, i feel like she hasn't seen the worst parts of me. But when she tells me she cares for me and that I'm always welcome at her home. I trust her. I believe her. Her friendship is so dear to me. I think she deserves the world.

But everyone else. I find it so difficult. My excuses are always "well actually you must hate me" "You're saying it out of an obligation" "you can't really mean it because you don't know how bad i can be" "we're not really friends so this means nothing to me" "you only say it to appease me"

And it's. Sad.

Because i can't even hold it against them. It feels fake for me but i understand that they Do mean it. They mean it but only because they think they care about the version of me i project every day. They care about the best parts of myself.

The most egregious offender lately has been, of course, my mother. I think she's either trying to patch things up or manipulate me further.

I will never be sure so to be safe i assume she's trying to manipulate me into caring for her (as in, literally taking care of her in the future).

She keeps telling me how much she thinks about me and how much she cares about me and how I'm the light of her life and that she only wants the best for me and how she loves me so so so much.

And. Would you believe that, dear reader? After years of emotional neglect and abuse? Would you in good conscience believe her words? Would you allow your mind to forget how much she hurt you and the ways she hurt you and would you allow her into your heart?

Would you put yourself in the line of fire? Would you put the blindfold on? Would you face the wall and smile hoping the headshot won't come?

Of course not, dear reader. Because you're smart. You're smarter than all of them. And because you're smart is that you're still alive to tell the tale.

Anyway.

About crushes and how I can never feel like I'm loved in the right and correct way.

Here's the thing.

Friendships are good. Friendships are the best. In Friendships i don't have to wonder what the other person's intentions are.

The intent is always "have a nice time together as buddies and laugh and laugh and laugh and never delve deeper into each other sadness"

At least, it's how i see it on my side. You see, if a friend suddenly opened their heart to me and told me their woes, then hell yeah I'd be there for them. I'd care for them. I'd comfort them. I'd be the most supportive person in the room.

I will forever be someone that wants to help others.

But the moment a friend asks ME to open up. I just. I feel attacked. I take out my metaphorical knife and point at them and go "WHAT ARE YOUR INTENTIONS- WHY DO YOU CARE"

i don't do that, the knife is metaphorical. But I do insist that I'm alright and that nothing is wrong and i am absolutely fine thank you VERY much! Please do not worry about me, all is good.

Because I am not kidding at all when I say you need to be a level 7 friend to unlock my Lore. I don't trust people. Trusting people gets you hurt. And I'm old enough to know that I can't take that kind of hurt anymore.

And i love my friends. I love all of them a lot. A lot!

But for some reason I can't trust them to reciprocate my friendship with my same pure and good intentions? Does that make sense?

From my point of view, people only love their friends in a very simple way. They want others to share the good times with. It's hard to find people to share the hard times with, so if they only want the good times, i don't blame them.

I don't expect my friends to be there for the hard times. I don't blame them. I expect them to only be there for the good times.

Who would want the hard times?

Who would want my hard times?

So yeah that's the heart (hah) of the issue.

I just don't think people really truly care about me. I don't expect them to. I hope they don't.

So when someone comes around and has the Audacity to develop feelings? For ME? The Extra Friendly version of me i put out into the world?

It feels offensive. Horrendous. I know what your intentions are AND THEY'RE NOT HARMLESS! YOU WANT MY BODY AS MEAT TO USE AND I HATE IT!!! FUCK OFF!!! I KNOW I'M DROP DEAD GORGEOUS BUT YOU DON'T GET TO THINK THAT!!!!!!!!

Maybe these are just excuses to justify how shallow I ended up being. A princely looking man would have me on my knees, I know this.

But those men will never look my way. They are shallow too, and i am repaid in my same coin.

Oh how dreadful is to date in the modern age (even though i know it's no better than the ages before).

Can't wait to leave this office and never say hello to this guy ever again. I would apologize but. Nah.

I just wish i could tell him "we're not meant to be and it's not your fault but also I wish this world was kinder to alright guys that don't have much to offer. Like you. Like me. We are one in the same and perhaps that's why we were never going to be anything at all."

[inbabylontheywept]

Party Favors: Part 3

I woke up to a darkened visor scant inches away from my face. I screamed, as is my wont, and proceeded to scuttle backwards off the bed. The world spun as I fell, and without any real way to tell my direction I just kept scrambling until my back hit a wall.

The human in front of me was… probably not the ambassador? Humans could swap their visors out if they wanted, but they tried to keep them familiar enough for others to recognize. Kind of a silly thing really - to wear a mask so long it stopped being a mask.

The curly mustache drawn on the front was also hardly the ambassador’s style.

“You grind your teeth in your sleep,” the new human said pleasantly.

“Thank you,” I replied, unsure of what the proper response was. The human made it sound like a compliment, but I couldn’t fathom why.

“I could do that for you,” it said, moving closer. “Grind your teeth.”

“No thank you,” I said. My heart stopped long enough for my vision to darken at the edges. We stared at each other for a moment. It seemed almost as lost as I was. The idea that somehow, I had committed a faux paus made me want to gouge my eyes out. Two weeks ago, my civilization had been fighting an endless war and I missed those times.

“Party favor?”, the new human asked.

“No thank you,” I replied.

“We have nootropic melange, apocalypse juice, columbian cocaine, gym socks - “

I’d tuned out until it said gym socks. At that word I started in confusion.

“Gym socks?,” I questioned.

“Sure thing,” the human said, and placed several dirty gym socks on my lap.

I stared at it, dumbfounded. It gave me a friendly clap on the shoulder in return.

“You live as long as we do, the foot thing just starts to make sense. I can give you a bit of space, if you need a moment. Unless you’d prefer it if I stayed?”

I stared at it silently for several seconds. The pause stretched on, and on, and on, before the human slapped its own visor.

“Oh! The dome! Sorry, you can’t see it, but I am wiggling my eyebrows like crazy under here. Like caterpillars at a disco.”

The need to escape became all consuming. I spun around, put my feet against the wall, and pushed. Through luck I managed to slide through the open doorway, but had failed to account for anything beyond that point. Fortunately, my skull and the far wall of the hallway helped me slow down considerably. I couldn’t tell what the human was up to inside the room I’d been set in, but without better options, I spun around, braced my feet, andd pushed off again.

---

I figured out by my third bounce that the floor wasn’t slippery: I was. I was practically dripping with an unknown yellow-green slime. It was wretched, but the speed of my launches was undeniable, and it had the added element of severely impeding the progress of anyone trying to catch up to me.

I managed to make it to the front of ship with only a few minor contusions. I estimated the size of the group tailing me to be seven humans plus. As predicted, the ambassador was in the cockpit, staring out at the stars.

I’d gotten low enough on slime that I couldn’t move silently anymore. I shot through the final doorway with a sound like an ass made of glass getting wiped with a balloon.

“звуки секса с моей неудачной ловър” the ambassador said cheerily.

“What?” I asked.

“‘Good morning’” it translated.

“Fuck you,” I replied.

It sat there silently, judging me as I struggled to get myself back onto my own feet. The constant friction had worn the slime off everything but the bottom of my feet and I was very bitter about it. As my struggle began to reach a fever pitch, it interrupted with helpful commentary.

“You know,” it said, “if you’d just told me about the foot thing, we could’ve been very accommodating.”

I realized at that exact moment that it wasn’t actually my feet that were slimy: It was my shoes. I peeled one off, lobbed it across the room, and felt a blossom of joy as it bounced off the ambassador’s visor.

It pulled a little marker out of a pocket and drew a small frown on the front of the glass. The second shoe would’ve hit that exact spot like a bullseye, but it had the good sense to duck this time.

I stood on my own two feet now. Looking at it. Hating it. And it looked back at me, as nonplussed as ever.

“Go on,” it said, gesturing to the large screen that acted as a window. “I was just about to grab you anyway. You wouldn’t want to miss the fireworks.”

I looked past it, looked at the screen, and felt as if I’d stepped outside of my own body. My eyes widened, and my chest contracted and all the air left my body in one big, sharp, gasp.

“You’re insane,” I said, for the second time in memory.

“No,” it said happily. Almost nostalgically. “But very bored.”

Standing in the void, carved from an asteroid at least fifty kilos across, stood a perfect model of a human hand. Every crease, every wrinkle, every twist of tendon - it was all perfect. But most especially the middle finger. It was gilded in gold, gleaming and stern. Fully extended in a metaphor that I knew they had thought of long before.

“You'll kill them all. Bachus wouldn't survive impact with this.”

The ambassador looked disgusted at the thought.

“Why the hell would I fly my newest capital ship into their dirtball of a planet?”

Party Favors: Part 1

The ambassador asked me if I wanted a party favor. I was tempted, but human minds were notoriously resilient. What might bend their mind into an amusing shape for an hour or two could break mine altogether.

I declined. The ambassador shrugged in a way that made it very clear that he considered it my loss, before dropping several spoonfuls of the substance into a specialized port on his exosuit. By default, the visor was dark enough one could barely make out the dark outline of the creature's bulbous skull, but as smoke started to trickle up into the dome, even that was lost. Where I should’ve seen an alien face, there was my own dim reflection, twisted by the curvature of the glass and the slow roil of smog.

“It is rare to receive guests,” it said in my voice. As if stealing my face wasn’t enough. It was an unsettling but common convention for humans to borrow the voice of whoever they were talking to. The generous view of this was that they enjoyed being mirrors. Personally, I’d always viewed them as a species afraid of being observed. It is hard, to see the mirror underneath a reflection.

“Do you want more?” I asked.

I couldn’t see its face, but I could tell it was exhaling by the way vortices formed in the smoke.

“Yes,” it replied. “But I know my limits.”

It then carefully pushed the remaining pouch of powder towards the center of the table. The question of whether it had been talking about guests, or its recreation, suddenly grew fuzzy.

I decided to assume the best and plowed forward.

“Our colony by outpost Battan. It’s-”

“Struggling,” it finished. There was a glint of white inside the smoke, a hint of exposed wet bone. Weeks of study informed me this was intended to set me at ease.

“Yes.”

“Bad neighbors?”

The question was posed innocently enough, but it gave away the entire story. Twenty years of guerilla strikes, of blood and coin andlost life summed up in two words. A pathetically small conflict, and yet, large enough that the humans knew of it.

I did not answer. I stood still and watched my own face stare back. Humans loved games. I did not want to play.

It matched me again. Always the mirror. Coy when I was coy. Serious when I was serious.

“Any requests for how they are handled?”

“No unnecessary bloodshed.”

It inhaled deep enough to clear the smoke from the dome. My reflection was interrupted, replaced with the form of the thing in the suit. The lines of the face were murky enough but what shone brightest through the glass were its eyes - perfect paper white spheres, slick and shining. It seemed wrong for something to look so earnest and so hungry.

“That is not what humans are for.”

I could not decide if it was agreeing to or denying my request. I looked into its eyes as long as I could, as long as I could still make them out through the haze drifting up through the neck slot. Only when they were well and truly gone did I take my glove off, and reach across the table. It gripped my hand, clenched around it hard, and then let it go suddenly. I’d been told this meant the deal was sealed.

I should have just left. But I was always too curious, so I asked my final question.

“Why us? Why not them?”

“Because you came to me first,” it replied, as if the answer was obvious. “And I was very bored.”

It showed me the door very soon after that. I had the presence of mind to avoid running until I made it out of the building.

[bigwishes]

Accepting some wishes? Would be so kind as to beef me up into a hunky black guy?

Always accepting some wishes! Hmm wanna get beefed up into a hunky black man? sure, why not? sounds easy enough, so lets get started. First we gotta open the flood gates to melanin, don't worry it won't hurt but its definitely going to make you a lot darker, next we need to move on to restructuring your hair, make it a lot thicker and whilst we're at it lets make it grow a shit tone faster too just because I feel like it. I hope you are well versed in black hair care because you are going to have to spend a couple hours on it each night, but for now lets just have you start with a short simple style, just in case you need time to research how to take care of it, oh I almost forgot the muscle! well looks like someone has been eating their veggies because you sure are packing on the strength quick! There we go, snap a pic of the new you a sexy black man!

but, geez, it seems I'm a total fucking idiot! you wanted to "be beefed up into a hunky black guy" sure this is sexy but its not exactly beef, well bud those muscle aren't going to pump themselves, oh wait they are! a fun little currr....blessing, Its a fun little blessing, you don't even need to work out and you'll keep beefing up. So, to recap we've got the sexy black part down, the beef is going to set in really soon, the hair is going to grow much quicker because who doesn't love a guy with hot thick hair and you can do whatever you want, completely ignore working out and still have an incredible body, welp, lets check on you in a week and see how you are doing?

Damn look at that muscle really starting to swell in, and the hair good job keeping it washed but it probably needs a trim soon, oh? you got it cut yesterday? well its fine it looks good just make sure to get the sides trimmed up every other day or so unless you want a full on afro which who could deny would be a hot ass look. Your pecs feel heavy? well they had to be your largest feature, get the eyes drawn in ya know, its fine you'll get used to it and you wont be like my other clients so over massed you can barely move but you aren't as big as you'll get, give it another week, maybe 2 and you'll be looking at another 70-90 pounds of clean muscle, then the growth will stop. anyway enjoy your new beefed (well, still beefing) up hunky black bod bro, you'll have guys drooling all over you in no time, just make sure you wear some baggy clothes for a little while, I'd hate to see you have a little growth spurt and rip up a fancy dress shirt whilst out to dinner.

[wickedyan]

Oh how about yandere inumaki toge ! His ability are made for it ! Imagine making you brake up with your bf or kissing you or force cuddling you and then telling you to forget it . I have so many ideas for him but I wanna hear your first ! If that's okay

Tags: non con, possessive inumaki, manipulation, nsfw, cock warming, cunnilingus, 

A/n: I LOVE HIM

Sfw:

Inumaki is pretty likeable, so I don’t imagine it would be hard for him to become close with you. He’d probably start by making sure u could understand him, giving his number to you and messaging you memes while Gojo rambles on and on. He’d involve you in pranks he had planned.

You’ll be speaking to Megumi about a mission he’s going on and Inumaki will appear behind him and make faces, imitating him and any time Megumi turned around he’d seem to be on his phone (messaging you about how close that was!!)

He’ll ask you out eventually, and he’ll actually give you a choice. If you say no, he’ll be a gentleman and respect your wishes. However, if you even show the slightest of interest,,, you’re fucked.

He’ll be stuck to you like glue. He’ll join you on missions, he’s doing homework in your dorm room and he’s sleeping over because he just so happened to fall asleep in your bed while you went to the bathroom and he just looks so peaceful, how could you ever wake him.

Inumaki is a whiny possessive. If you don’t pay him enough attention, he’s pouting. He wants all your attention al the time. He wants your thoughts on him, not your peers. Inumaki wants to be your phone background and your password. He wants to be your first choice (choose me pick me love me). If you seem less interested in his,,, obsessive behaviour, I think he might just snap.

Inumaki is hugging you from behind when you’re talking with anyone, glaring if he deems them a threat.

I doubt he’d actually use his cursed speech unless you really gave him no other choice. He knows the risks, who knows how many memories with him you’d lose if he told you to forget. But the threat of it is very real.

He’s gonna expect you know everything about him, just like he does about you. Your birthday is his password, your parents get gifts on their birthdays, he buys you flowers on every month-iversary, and many times in between. (How could he ever let you have a room without fresh flowers). Put in the same effort as him or he’ll sulk for weeks, making you out to be the bad guy to your friends, ignoring you and refusing to answer your desperate messages. Honestly, I can see the only thing fixing this would be to give him the best blowjob of his life.

The only time I Think he’d seriously use his cursed speech against you would be if you tried to end things with him. Its just too exhausting to be with him, you need a break, Toge.

“Stay.” And how could you ever refuse.

Nsfw:

Maybe it’s the cursed speech thing, but he has an oral fixation. Your mouth, plush lips wrapped around his cock as he thrusts slowly and watches the tears pool in your eyes… heaven. But also enjoys using his mouth on you, knows you enjoy the threat of him slipping up and uttering something utterly debauched, and the vibrating of the tattoos is definitely helpful.

Loves your tits, loves twisting your nipples and playing with them. Doesn’t even matter if they’re super sensitive or not, he’ll latch on to your nipple and suckle them and bite until you’re dripping for him. Definitely owns nipple clamps and will use them on you no matter your reaction to them. Also definitely asks you to get the pierced.

Enjoys missionary the most, wants to be able to hold your hands and kiss you lovingly. Says he makes sweet, sweet love to you, instead of fucking you.

Never stretches you properly, loves leaving you just underprepared enough that you cry when he pushes his pretty cock inside. Cums inside and loves seeing your cream all over his cock.

Cockwarming… loves to chuck on a random movie and sit you down on his cock, playing idly with your tits while giving you no other attention. Pretends to be uncomfortable and wiggles around just to see you gasp all prettily. Another instance that he uses his cursed speech; pulls out the “Don’t move,” sometimes when you just wont stop squirming on his cock.

[make-me-imagine]

I'll Stay

Prompts: 'Hands brush as you stand next to each other, you think it's on accident until their hands gentle wrap around yours.' + 'Shielding the other with their body to save/protect them.' Requested by: @spuffyfan394

Pairing: Din Djarin x Gn!Reader

Warnings: None.

Words: 3.5k

* * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * *

"What did you do, fly through a meteor field?" You asked amused as you walked around the ship, The Mandalorian following behind as you assessed the damage. The Mandalorian had barely made it to the planet, practically crashing the ship into the bay.

"Something like that." His voice said smoothly.

You stopped and turned towards him, your eyes flicking over the small child in the bag at his side 'Cute'. "If you want to be able to make it to another planet, you're gonna have to wait around here for a week or so."

You heard him huff out "I can't do that."

"Well, lest you want to drop out of the sky halfway to the next system you'll need too. Unless you know how to fix the ship while you're flying, which can be done, but it being just you flying, it wont work that well. Unless that little guy knows how to pilot a ship." You said gesturing to the child, who cooed and looked up at the Mandalorian.

The Mandalorian looked down at the child "Yeah, that wouldn't work out well." He said with a mild hint of amusement in his voice. Looking back up at his ship, he let out another breath, clearly not satisfied with what was going on.

You knew that the damage done to the ship was not done by meteors, but gunfire. He's probably on the run, but you didn't want to assume. Looking at the child again, you felt a sense of worry and guilt fall over you. You didn't want the child to get hurt, and you felt bad for not being able to fix the ship quick enough. Looking around your shop, you suddenly got an idea.

"How long can you stay here?" You asked.

The Mandalorian looked over at you "I can spare a couple days."

You nodded your head as you turned and looked at the damaged ship "Okay. I have an offer for you." You turned to him and he seemed to stand at attention. "I'll fix the ship as much as I can in the next two days, get it so she can fly well enough. And, I will stay on as an onboard mechanic, get the ship fixed as you go. The only payment I need is a basic ship parts fee, and a ride far away from here."

The Mandalorian seemed to size you up for a moment "I know you know that damage wasn't done by a meteor field. It would be dangerous to ride with me."

"Any more dangerous than for a child?" You asked.

He glanced down at the child who was looking back and forth between the two of you. He cocked his head "That's fair." He mumbled before looking back at you "I wont say I can protect you if things go bad."

"I wont expect you to." You replied back quickly.

"You sure you want to leave?"

You nodded firmly "Anywhere is better than here."

Din was intrigued by this, but said nothing. Looking at his ship one more time and then back to you, he nodded his head "Alright, deal."

You nodded your head and reached out your hand, which he took with a firm shake. "We leave in two days." He said before he walked past you and out the door, probably into town.

You watched as he went before looking up at the battered ship. You needed to get to work fast. This would probably be the only time you'd be able to get a ride out of here. Grabbing your toolbox you begun to assess the damage and working on the ship, a feeling of excitement and hope coming over you.

* * ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ * *

You let out a satisfied sigh as you sat back on the floor, finally having fixed some damage to the ship that had been giving you trouble.

Wiping the sweat from your forehead you looked around the ship, eyeing some smaller damage that needed to be dealt with at some point. But probably not by you. You'd be reaching your destination soon, thus leaving Din and the Child behind.

Feeling a bit of melancholy at the thought, you toyed with the idea of asking Din if you could stay for a bit longer. You could tell him you found some more damage that needed to be fixed urgently. But you didn't really want to lie to him.

You'd been on The Razor Crest with Din and the Child for about two weeks now. The Damage to the ship had been more extensive than you previously thought, so you stayed on to help fix it for a bit longer than originally planned.

You and Din had become close to being friends, sharing stories and jokes. You had also grown fond of the child. Din trusted you enough to tell you what had happened with the child, and how he was now trying to find his people to return him too. It was admirable. Din was admirable, and trustworthy. You had grown quite fond of him as well, much more so than you ever intended.

Part of you hoped that he was starting to develop feelings for you as well. As you'd often catch him staring at you out of the corner of your eye. But, maybe it was just that he was watching you to make sure you didn't mess up his ship even more. There wasn't much too you, at least not enough that Din would be interested. Or so you told yourself.

"We're about ten minutes away." Din's voice shook you from your thoughts.

Turning, you saw him standing in the doorway, how long hand he been there? "Okay." You replied as you stood up.

You were stopping at a small planet to get some food, fuel and some parts for the ship. You were running low on money, and so was Din. He mentioned something about taking a job on the next planet you'd stop at after this one, but you weren't really involved in that part of his life. Bounty hunting, meaning.

Getting cleaned up, you changed your clothes and met Din in the cockpit just as you were landing. "Can you take him?" He asked, referring to the child.

"Of course." You smiled as you grabbed his satchel, to carry him around in. As you grabbed him he smiled and cooed getting comfortable in your arms.

Again, from the corner of your eyes, you saw Din watching you. Oh how you wondered what he looked like under that helmet. What color his eyes were, if he had as kind of a face as you pictured. Looking at him, you smiled "How long will you need?"

He suddenly stood "Only an hour most likely. Is that long enough for you?"

You nodded as you turned to begin leaving the Crest "Should be. I only need a few more parts." You said, before realizing what you said and cursing yourself silently. Well, there goes your chance at any excuse to stay longer.

"So you're almost done fixing the ship?" He asked.

You nodded, not looking back at him "Yeah. You can get rid of me soon enough." You joked, though you felt a pang of disappointment in your chest.

As you walked down the ramp and out of the Razor Crest, you heard Din speak softly behind you "I see." You swore you heard disappointment in his voice, but tried not to linger on the hope of it.

You finally turned back to him, and he was already watching you, you smiled lightly "See you in an hour." You said quickly before turning and walking towards the market.

Din watched you go. An unusual feeling swelled up in his chest as he remembered you were leaving. But that was the deal right? You get dropped off far away from the planet you met on, once you fix the ship. He knew that. But why did he feel so disappointed. As you disappeared into the crowd of people and shops he let out a sigh before walking the other direction into town.

- - - - -

You walked around town with the child, grabbing some small bits of food, having already bought the parts you needed. Suddenly, you felt a weird feeling crawl up your neck.

Looking around you, you spot a Rodian leaning against a wall, watching you with a rather intense gaze. You remember having seen him on the other side of the market too. You quickly looked away and began to hand the food to the vendor.

You had a bad feeling about this. Acting as casual as you could, you paid the vendor for the food and began walking back towards the Razor Crest. The hour was almost up, so you hoped he would be there.

Rounding corner after corner on the way back to the ship, you noticed more people watching you. Not in the normal way of, why does that human have a green child? But in the way of, why does that human have THE child. These were bounty hunters, you could feel it. Covering the child up in your jacket, you heard him coo in annoyance.

Finally seeing The Razor Crest come into view, you began to walk a bit faster. Your eyes caught on a figure in the crowd in front of you, looking around. Din. Taking a chance, you looked behind you. And seeing none of the men who had been following you, you felt relieved.

Turning back around, you collided with someone. Gasping, you looked up in fear, only to breath out in relief as you saw a familiar helmeted face looked down at you. His hands gripped your arms gently, as to keep you steadied.

Din could tell something was wrong "What happened?"

"I think there are bounty hunters here for the child."

That was all you needed to say. No excuses, no 'how do you knows.' Din kept one hand on your arm as he turned "Okay, lets go."

Walking quickly beside him, you felt safer in his presence. The closer you got to the docking bay of the Razor Crest, the less people there were, and eventually as you entered the bay, there were none.

As you got closer to the ship, you were feeling more and more relieved. But when two men stepped out in front of you, blocking your way, your heart sank. It was the Rodian from before, paired now with another.

Din stepped forward a bit, and you felt his gloved hand brush against yours. If you weren't so afraid, you'd be blushing. His hand remained in place, and you were sure it was an accident, but, as he moved a bit to the side, as if to shield you, his hand slid into yours, and he gripped it. Not tightly, but enough to be comforting.

Now you felt your heart pounding in your chest, the blush threatening to rise. But as the Rodians took a few steps forward, your thoughts reverted back to the impending danger, your hand unconsciously tightened around Din's.

"Can we help you" Din asked, his voice casual, but carrying an air of warning.

"We want the kid." One of the Rodians said in his native tongue, his voice harsh.

"What kid?" Din asked, having noticed that the child was now hidden in the satchel under your jacket.

"Don't play with us Mandalorian, we know they have him." The Rodian said as he pointed at you, your eyes now noticing the rifle in his hand. You stepped back a bit, and Din moved in front of you entirely.

Looking behind you, you see another bounty hunter creeping up on you. Grabbing Din's elbow, he looked back, seeing the approaching threat. Bringing his hand to his gun he moved so that you were at at least hidden mostly by each oncoming threat. You found yourself placing your hands on Din's back as your fear grew, your hands gripping the fabric of the cloak draped down his back.

Stepping backward with the same movement of Din, you eyed the Razor Crest, trying to see a path to get to it.

"I don't think you want to do this." Din said to the bounty hunters, his voice now obvious with warning.

"Oh, I think we do." The newer hunter said as he quickly unsheathed his gun.

As he began firing, with one hand Din raised his gun and fired, and with the other, he reached back to wrap around you, pulling you closer to him. You heard the shots bouncing off his impenetrable armor, but also heard his grunts as they impacted him.

As your eyes caught on the spare gun Din had at is hip, you grabbed it, pulling it out. Reaching out over his shoulder, you fired at the Rodians. You had no clear line of sight on them from your place behind Din, but as their shots faltered, you knew you were at least aiming in the right spot.

Din took this opportunity to fire at the Rodians too, successfully shooting them down. Aiming back at the other bounty hunter, who was dodging behind a crate, Din called back to you "Go for the Crest!" He yelled.

As soon as he said this, you pulled away from him and began towards the ship, ducking down behind any crate or object you could just in case. You kept your eyes on the Rodians in case they were still alive. Making your way up the ramp to the ship, a laser shot right past your face making you gasp and duck.

Din quickly returned fire, glancing back to make sure you were okay. As you got the door open and jumped inside Din took out one of his charges and threw it towards the hunter before running into the ship.

As you both climbed up into the cockpit, you threw yourself down into the seat, checking on the child, who looked up at you in fear. You brought him to your chest to comfort him as Din started the ship and began to take off.

Only until you were out of the planets range and knew you were not being followed, did you feel relieved and safe again.

As the child finally calmed down, you stood up silently and began to take him to his bed to rest. Din looked back at you, and felt guilt for what happened. You knew what could happen, but this was the first time you had to deal with it. You'd surely want to leave now. Letting out a small sigh, he looked back out of the window at the dark unending space. Maybe it was better if you left. You'd be safer if you did.

After the child fell asleep, you went and sat on your small cot. Your mind went back through what happened today. You sighed as you realized how useless you felt. You couldn't help when the hunters were baring down on you. You fired a gun but couldn't even aim it. And if you had ended up being grabbed by one, what could you have done? You would try to fight sure, but you were sure they'd had the upper hand in skill.

Din had to protect you. You looked at your hand, remembering how he held it in his own. He shouldn't have to risk himself and the child to protect you. No matter how much you wanted to stay, it would be better if you left. Surely Din felt the same, even if he wouldn't say it.

Standing up you walked quietly past where the child slept and grabbed your tools. You'd fix the ship now, so that Din could drop you off at the next stop.

So you did work, silently, quickly, your thoughts constantly fighting each other. The closer you got the ship to being fixed, the worse you felt. You wanted to stay. But thinking back on what happened, you pushed yourself forward. Through your busy mind, you never noticed Din watching you from the door.

He watched as you grabbed tool after tool, and the occasional part to put back in. You were fixing the rest of the ship, you wanted to leave. Of course you did. After what happened today anyone would. He didn't blame you. But, part of him hoped you'd stay. No, not part of him, all of him.

When the bounty hunters attacked, he wanted so badly to protect both you and the child. And when he took your hand in his, it felt right. He was so afraid you'd get hurt, and when you didn't he felt so relieved. In that moment, that was when he really accepted it. That he had feelings for you. It was irrational, he knew it, surely you'd never want to be with him. But that would no longer stop him from hoping you did.

Silently, he turned and returned back to the cockpit, leaving you to finish what you needed to. You'd probably want to leave at the next planned stop. Maybe he'd slow down the ship a bit, so he wouldn't have to say goodbye so soon.

- - - - -

"We're about twenty minutes away." Din said as you entered the cockpit.

"Alright." You replied as you sat down, smiling at the child as he looked at you.

You had not spoken to Din since the previous day, having spent all of your time finishing the ship. You were so close to the planet, where you would part ways, but you still hadn't brought it up.

"I saw you packed your stuff up. You finished fixing the ship?" Din said suddenly.

Guess you didn't have a choice now. "Uh, yeah I did. There are still some minor repairs needed but they can wait until you have the money to get them fixed. I uh- I guess I'll be getting off today." You said awkwardly.

"I understand." He said, making you frown slightly.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I get why you want to leave. What happened yesterday was...intense. I'm sure you don't want to have to deal with that again. So I, uh, I get it."

"Oh, no. That's not why I'm leaving. I mean, not really."

Din stopped and turned in his seat a bit "Then why?"

You looked at him blankly for a moment before speaking softly "Don't you want me to go?"

"What?" Din asked, his voice obviously confused.

"I mean...I was useless yesterday, you had to protect me. You shouldn't have to protect the child and me, that's too much, I'll end up getting you killed." You blabbered quickly before looking down at your hands "It's probably better for the both of you if I go. Then you wont have to worry about someone else."

Din stared at you for a moment, and when the child cooed he looked over at him. He was looking between you and Din, he must sense that something was wrong. Din shook his head lightly before looking back at you "Do you want to leave?"

You looked up at him and opened your mouth "I-" You were going to repeat what you said, about why you should, but stopping you shook your head lightly "No. No really. But, I will, if you want me to, and I wont hold it against you, I promise." You let out a chuckle, but it was dry and humorless.

Din looked over at the child "Hey kid." The child looked over at him quickly "Do you want Y/n to leave?"

You looked from Din to the child, surely he wouldn't understand that question. But as the child looked at you, his eyes seemed to flicker with realization. You watched at the child stood up, somewhat clumsily before taking a few steps to the edge of his seat. Reaching his little hand you towards you, you reached over and gently held it. He cooed and looked up at you with a smile.

"I think that's a no." You couldn't help but smile brightly at the child, which made Din smile under his helmet. Turning back forward in his seat, he spoke casually "That makes three."

Your head snapped towards him "You mean, you...don't, want me to leave?"

"It's good, having a mechanic on board, useful." You felt your heart drop a little at his answer, but he continued "Plus, I'll teach you to fight, to use different weapons, to protect yourself. That way you don't have to think about being useless, 'cause you're not." Your heart picked back up in pace "You can even help on the job I'm gonna take on this planet. It'll help you train." You smiled at Din, though he was still turned away. He spoke one more time, a little softer "And to answer your question. No, I don't want you to leave."

Your smile widened at this, and you felt your heart beating rapidly in your chest, it was almost painful. "Alright then. I'll stay."

Din nodded his head, and you swore you could hear the smile in his voice "Good."

xx End xx

I hope you liked it! If you did please consider reblogging! It helps to spread the fic past my followers, and helps my blog grow!

If you'd like to be added to be Star Wars or Din Djarin taglist let me know!~

General Taglist: @criminaly-supernatural; @caswinchester2000

Din Taglist: @furblrwurblr, @startrekkingaroundasgard

[nobutfredweasleytho]

YOU JUST DON’T LISTEN(F.W)

Summary: Fred’s ex girlfriend writes him a letter to explain the how him using her wrecked her emotionally.

Warnings: angst, like a lot of angst, depressed Y/N, mentions of self doubt, a little swearing, mentions of parents not loving correctly, used reader. Let me know if I missed anything.

A/N: Major thank you to Gabriella @onlyfreds for being an amazing person and encouraging me to write whatever this mess is. I am forever grateful to you

(The font is terrible Im sorry im just getting used to working on tumblr)

Fred Weasley checked the muggle clock on his nightstand. 10:30 AM. His mom will call him for breakfast anytime now. He has been awake for quite some time if he can even count the 30 minutes he tried to sleep but couldn’t, not when every time he tries to close his eyes his mind and eventually dreams are clouded by her. By the last time he looked at her, how devastated she looked, How her face was wet from her tears and her eyes bloodshot red, but the thing Fred will never be able to forget is her voice. How raw and vulnerable she sounded while saying the most horrible thing’s anyone has ever said to him, but he can’t blame her, he has no one to blame but himself because in the end it was he who caused all of this and now its come to bite him in the ass. He hears the door open and his twin brother George enters.

“Mom says breakfast is ready and she wants you downstairs. She says she’ll drag you herself if you don’t show up again today.”

“Tell her I’m not hungry and I’ll come grab a bite later.” I really don’t feel like being surrounded by other people right now. Not in this pathetic state I’m in. Besides it will take me willpower I don’t have to not hex Ron into oblivion.

“Well she will not take no for an answer and I wont either. What’s done is done now and you’ll have to face the world someday so start with your own family because everyone down there is worried sick about you and the least you can do is show your face once in a while so they know you haven’t died of starvation or sleep deprivation.” George has worry written all over him and I’m sure the rest of the family has it too. I feel even more like shit for worrying them.

“Fine. But I come back here if she is mentioned are we clear?”

“We weren’t gonna mention Y/N anyway now lets go moms worried sick for your dumbass.”

Breakfast was going smoothly with Ginny and Ron being exited for Quidditch season, Harry and Bill discussing the unfortunate events of the Triwizard tournament last year, dad asking Hermione about a rubber duck whatever that is, but the most shocking thing is mom asking me and George about the joke shop products. George is doing most of the talking but still the fact that shes even asking is awesome. I was finally feeling peaceful this whole winter break until I heard a hoot outside the window.

“I thought it was Tuesday but since mail is here does it mean its Friday already? Oh how fast time is going.

“No Arthur honey you are right it is Tuesday, Bill or George can one of you see if that owl has the owners name attached to it and bring whatever letter he has here to see who is it for.”

Bill got up from his seat and went to the window next to the countertop to look at the mystery owl. “Do we even know a Y/N Y/L/N?”

The room went quiet. The only thing that could be heard was the owls hoot asking for its treat. Bill seemed not to realise this as he took the letter from the owl, gave him a treat and sent it on its way.

“To Fred Weasley from Y/N Y/L/N… Who’s Y/N is she the girl you’ve been crying over this whole time huh Freddie?” Bill chuckled but I just grabbed the letter. I had no time to even be mad at him because once again my mind fogs up with only her. I couldn’t help but feel relieved and the happiest I felt in a long time. She has forgiven me. Y/N forgave me. That has to be it. Why else would she send me a letter?

“I had a great time with you guys but there’s important matters for me to attend so I have to go to now. Thanks mom the breakfast was amazing as always.” And with that I sprinted towards my room, locked the door and examined the letter in my hands. It was a bunch of them in here. I went to mine and George’s worktable threw some papers that were on top of it to make room for these letters and carefully opened the envelope.

The first thing that I grabbed was a photo. It was a polaroid of me and Y/N on the Gryffindor common room. Happiness filled my heart when I started remembering this night. I looked at the back of the polaroid and surely enough there was a writing on it.

Fred and Yn on the Gryffindor common room at 1 AM the night she turned 17. Listening to ABBA’s “Dancing Queen”. Picture taken by major 3rd wheel George Weasley.

Tears filled my eyes when I remember this night. It was the night I looked at her the way I always should have. Not as a replacement of someone who didn’t care about me.

The next one was also a polaroid photograph but this one I don’t remember being taken. It’s a picture of Y/N teaching me how to play the guitar. I can make up that we are in her dorm but not more as the picture is taken in black and white. I look at the back and surely this one also has a writing on it but the handwriting doesn’t look familiar at all.

A drunken Y/N accompanied by a even drunker Fred trying to play the guitar in the middle of the night. If I fail my charms exam tomorrow I’m killing you both but right now you two look adorable. Picture taken by Cho Chang.

The third one is an actual letter. I chuckle looking at the handwriting. Always so precise and not even one line out of place. I always thought Y/Ns handwriting always contradicts her hot headed persona but it’s actually really cute. I start reading the letter and my heart stops.

Dear Freddie,

I can only imagine the shock that receiving a letter from me would cause you right now especially after our last conversation.

But I have a lot to get off of my chest and I wont be able to move on if I haven’t said it all. Call me a coward but I was really scared to ask you to meet me so I can say it in person, but maybe that’s what I have always been. A coward. A coward because I get scared when someone wants to enter my life, a coward because I hate trying new things at the expense of failing, a coward because I should be able to confront people who brought darkness and sadness to my life.

But one thing I will admit Fred Weasley is that I wasn’t a coward when It came to loving you. It was the first time that I let someone come into my life and heart the way you did, and it will probably be the last. Throughout our “relationship” if you can even call it that as it was more of you customizing me to be her, to be someone I’m not. But that’s why you even talked to me is it, because I reminded you of her.

The signs were right in front of me and I feel stupid enough not to have seen them. But I guess people are right when they say love is blind. Love is such a funny thing to me as the first time I experienced the right kind of love was through you. But that was me creating stuff in my head. You didn’t love me no, you loved the idea of me. But I loved you. I loved you more than anything or anyone I have ever loved, I loved everything about you. But you just don’t listen. You don’t listen to anyone around you. Not George, not your other siblings, not Lee or any of your other friends for that matter, not your professors, but most importantly you don’t listen to me.

You didn’t listen when I told you that the love my parents gave me was only because I reminded them of my brother, the love my old friends back home gave me was one of interest. Everywhere I go no matter who I talk to no one will love me for me. I came to accept that until I met you.

You were funny and crazy and brave and oh so gorgeous. You were basically everything I looked for in… well everything. In a friend or in a partner it doesn’t matter. I thought you saw me for who I am. A broken teenager with issues but that at the end of the day was deserving of love. Oh how wrong I have been but no more wrong than you. You knew this but you just didn’t listen.

That makes us both horrible people now does it. Me who thought you were some kind of savior or some kind of saint and selfishly wrapped myself around your love and you who used me because I remind you of your ex girlfriend who broke your heart. But mine is excused I feel like and yours isn’t.

You would have kept me going for who knows how long just so you can live your imaginations you had for someone else.

Did you think about her the first time we slept together?

Was I not enough for you Freddie?

Was I too clingy too soon?

Is it my hot temper that gets the best of me?

So many questions will be left unanswered on my end because frankly, I never want to speak of you again. Sure I am deprived of love but I will not take it if its not directed directly at me.

I still care about you and will continue to support you and George on whatever you set your mind into. I was waking through Diagon Alley last week and saw this little store with a “for sale” sign. It’s right in the middle of Diagon Alley. I hate how my first thought went that you would have loved it but I seem to do that a lot recently.

I’ll get dressed and think would Fred love this skirt or this shirt.

I start applying lipstick and I’ll think will Fred love this color.

I start eating and I’ll think does this look good enough that Fred would’ve stolen a piece of it when I’m talking to Ginny.

I don’t even know why I am telling you this. How pathetic I’ve become clinging into someone that doesn’t want me.

Anyway I’ve probably bored you enough with my ranting but I wouldn’t have been able to move on unless I said everything that felt heavy on my heart. I also attached some photos I thought you’d like to keep seeing as now you can see yourself with Kayla without having the burden to be near me.

Say hi to your siblings and Harry for me.

Have a nice life,

Y/N

[attllhak]

Adoption AU - Wild and Warriors: The Epic Quest For Taco Bell at 3 am

@tortilla-of-courage so you mentioned you’d be interested in my Adoption AU one-shots, and now that things have calmed down in my house a bit I figured I’d post the first one-shot I wrote; the one about Wild and Warriors going for a Taco Bell run. Theoretically, I was going to do a one-shot for each grouping of boys, as an introduction, but I don’t think that’s happening anymore. Either way, here’s the first thing I wrote!

(And, anyone else who would like to be tagged if/when I post more for this AU, let me know here and I’ll make a list or something)

---------------

“anyone know any good substitutes for love and personal fulfilment?”

Warriors sent the tweet without much thought. He didn’t actually care about an answer, he just felt like venting about his most recent break up in a vague way, and thought he was being funny. He could already see Legend rolling his eyes.

His phone dinged a few times, one reply from Twilight, asking why he was up so late (which he’d responded to with the same inquiry, which had Twilight going silent), one from Legend mocking him, one from Hyrule trying to actually help. He was surprised how many of his brothers were up at this hour.

He dropped the phone on his bed, rubbing his eyes. He wasn’t actually all that tired, probably a consequence of having all afternoon classes and a habit of leaving his work to the last minute. Eh, the first year was supposed to be mostly parties anyways. (Not that Time would ever find out he said that.)

His phone dinged again and he groaned, eying the clock and the small bottle of melatonin next to it. 2:43 am. He should sleep. He didn’t have anything tomorrow, he finished his last final earlier that afternoon, though, so a few more minutes couldn’t hurt.

He picked up the phone and woke it up again. He blinked a few times at the new reply.

“crunchwrap supreme from taco bell”

He ignored Twilight yelling at Wild for being up, as apparently Wild did have a final tomorrow still. Not that Wild was paying any more attention.

He snorted, hitting the like button on Wild’s tweet and clicking off his phone. He reached up to stretch, yawning as he did. He eyed the melatonin bottle again. Technically, he didn’t need the supplements to sleep, but with how messed up his sleep schedule was, they did help him knock out when he planned on sleeping at a reasonable hour. This wasn’t a reasonable hour, but sleepiness hadn’t set in yet either.

Before he could decide, his phone lit up with a text notification. He tilted his head back and pointed his phone down to look at instead of dropping his arms.

Gordon Ramsey 2:44 am

lets go

Warriors blinked once. Then again. He unlocked his phone to type back.

what?????? go where?????

A second passed when he got a reply.

taco bell

for your substitute for love

since you got dumped and need something

oops was that too soon

sorry 

Warriors blinked at the screen again. Wild lived twenty minutes away from the university Warriors was attending, and the nearest Taco Bell was no closer. Plus, Time had revoked Wild’s driving privileges after he crashed his bike into the barn and broke both and his arm. There was no way Wild was getting to the university, much less a fast food joint. Especially at this hour.

and how do you plan to do that? You aren’t allowed to drive yet Mr. Broken Arm

you have a care

*car

That was a very good point.

you are suggesting that I drive 20mins outside of town to pick you up, drive another 20mins back into town, then drive around downtown until we find an open taco bell, at 3am on a school night before you have a final?

There was a few seconds pause, just long enough for Warriors to consider that he’d given up on it.

no

we wont be driving all over town

i googled it and found one

its like 10mins form your collage

*from

*college

Warriors considered that.

twilight won’t be happy

only if he finds out

Wild made a very good point.

how do you plan to get out of the house without him noticing?

i have a window war

The response was so immediate, and he was probably sleep deprived enough, that he burst out laughing when it sent.

20mins

He clicked his phone shut and shoved it in his pocket, grabbing a jacket and his scarf on the way out of his room. He was struggling to shrug them both on at once when he realized his roommate was still up too. There was a tense staredown as their eyes met and they both froze.

Volga broke the standoff by closing his book. “And where are you going at this hour?”

Warriors considered that. “My brother bribed me with food to break him out of the house,”

“At,” he glanced at his watch, “two forty-nine am?”

“Yes,”

The silence was tense.

Volga sighed and opened his book again. “Don’t crash and die, I’d hate to have to get a new roommate when I’ve finally gotten used to you,”

“Don’t burn the dorm down while I’m gone,” Warriors joked back, finally getting the fabric to work with him.

“It happened once, and it’s not like you’re any better at cooking!”

“I don’t set what I make on fire, and then freak out and throw it when blowing out that fire doesn’t work,” he grabbed his keys from the dish by the door and waved behind him.

“It happened once, Link!”

“And it’s why we order out now,” he grinned, ducking out the door. “See you later, Volg, be back in an hour or so,”

He could hear Volga’s angry shout through the door, so hurried down the stairs to the ground level as quickly as he could, before Volga woke their neighbor again.

He was still giggling when he got to the parking lot. Volga was just too easy to rile up.

The cool night air woke him up a little more so, and he took a deep breath as he located his car. A hand-me-down vehicle, he inherited it from Time when he was old enough to drive. Mostly this was so he could stop asking everyone else for their cars when he wanted to go somewhere. A little elbow grease however, and no one could tell it was at least 20 years old and not fresh off the lot. He made sure none of his brothers were allowed to drive it, especially after Wild got his bike stuck in a tree, or Legend crashed into a lake, or Twilight picked up drag racing, or Wild got his bike stuck on the roof, or Hyrule lost his car, or Four rolled his truck, or Wild and the barn literally last week. A lot of the crashes in the family came from Wild going ‘oh yeah? Watch this!’ now that he thought about it. It was a miracle he still had the same bike.

The twenty minute drive to the farm was pretty boring, nothing of note really happening.

He turned off his headlights as he pulled into the drive, not wanting to wake anyone, especially Time, up. He shot off a quick text to Wild when he parked.

A window opened and Legend’s head poked out to glare at him. His phone dinged.

Royal Pain 3:12 am

what are you doing here?

He glared back at Legend and typed out a response.

taco bell run

Legend glanced down, presumably at his phone, then back up a Warriors with an incredulous expression.

at 3am????

and if so why are you /here/????

Warriors pointedly looked around the house where Wild emerged from the bushes. Said brother grinned and popped open the passenger door to climb in.

“Hey,” he grinned. His hair was a mess, with at least two visible sticks stuck in it, and he was still in his sleep clothes. Despite this, he seemed fine.

“Legend has us made,” Warriors nodded to their brother, who was still glaring with his head out the window.

Royal Pain 3:15 am

twilight won’t be happy about this

Warriors frowned, trying to shield his phone from Wild as he typed back.

twilight won’t know

Warriors did not like the look in Legend’s eyes as he got the next text.

unless i tell him

Warriors glared up at his brother, working his jaw.

what do you want?

He hated the pleased grin Legend shot him.

the most expensive thing on the menu on your dime

fine

Warriors shoved his phone away with a growl, flipping off the overly smug Legend as he put the car in gear. “Asshole,” he muttered.

“What was that about?” Wild asked.

“We’re buying him food too now,” Warriors growled, flicking back on his headlights.

“Oh, cool,” Wild leaned back into the seat and pulled out his phone. “So the Taco Bell we’re going to only has the drive thru open, and it’s just off main street,”

Warriors nodded, focussing on the road and not that Wild had found the aux cord.

About thirty minutes later, as Wild finally turned down the music to provide directions, he snapped and turned to Warriors mid direction. “Do you want to sign my cast?”

Warriors blinked. “Maybe when we stop, I’m not crashing to sign your cast right now.”

Wild nodded, and pointed across Warriors at the street they had to go down.

They pulled into the drive thru and ordered, then had to wait for the very expensive thing Legend wanted. Warriors turned to Wild as the car idled.

“Do you have a marker?”

Wild blinked at him, then brightened up and offered out a sharpie and his right arm. The cast, under the signatures and well wishes of their family and all of Wild’s friends, was painted in very poorly drawn flames. Warriors raised an eyebrow as he searched for a clear spot to sign.

“Hyrule painted it for me,” Wild explained with a grin.

“Ah,” Warriors hummed as he finally tracked down an empty space by Wild’s elbow.

He scrawled out his name, not much room for anything else, and then handed the capped sharpie back to Wild while he twisted around to accept the food from the drive thru worker.

He shot off a text to Legend to let him know they had his food, alongside an upset emoji. Legend sent him a devil face emoji back. Wild dug through the bag for his food, sharpie stuck in his hair alongside the twigs, which seemed to be multiplying.

Warriors rolled his eyes and pulled back onto the road.

At some point, Wild pulled the wrap out and handed it to Warriors, who ate one handed as he drove. Wild was right about one thing, the wrap did taste very good.

He pulled into the drive of the farmhouse, headlights off, just as he finished off the wrap. He phone dinged the second he put the car in park.

Royal Pain 3:58 am

where’s my food bitch

Warriors looked up to the window where Legend was leaning out and glaring at him.

Wild laughed at the surly look on Legend’s face, climbing out and taking the bag with him. “I’ll feed him,” he promised, grinning. “Thanks for the trip, War!”

“No problem,” Warriors grinned back. “Just make sure you get to bed once you’re inside, so Twi doesn’t suspect in the morning,”

Wild gave him a thumbs up. He shut the door a little too hard, making Warriors wince, and bounced up to throw the bag up to Legend. Legend caught it the second time, when Wild opted to use his not broken arm to toss it, and disappeared inside again. Warriors’ phone dinged again a few seconds later.

Royal Pain 4:00 am

thanks pretty boy

your secret is safe with me

for now

Warriors rolled his eyes and sent him a thumbs up back, then pulled out of the drive again to head back to campus. He was actually starting to feel tired now, so he figured he’d get home and just crash. It’d be like, 4:30 in the morning by then, and he was pretty sure Volga would be asleep. And if he wasn’t, they had a rule that after 4 am until 7 they were allowed to ignore each other, so it’d be fine.

Volga was asleep when Warriors snuck in, passed out in a chair with the book on his chest. Warriors took the sight in, then sighed.

He dropped his keys in the dish, then pulled off his jacket and scarf to hang in his room. He grabbed a bookmark off his shelf and wandered back out to pull the book off of Volga’s chest and set it down so the spine wouldn’t crease. He left Volga like that, however. He didn’t want the books to get damaged, but if Volga was dumb enough to fall asleep in the common room without a blanket, then he deserved what he woke up with.

He was very lucky that Warriors was too tired to find a sharpie.

He fell asleep before remembering to take off his shoes.

(---)

The next morning, so about noon, he was woken by Volga pounding on the door to put his phone on silent.

His phone buzzed on the desk next to him and he pulled it off and up to his head, hitting answer before looking at the contact.

“Hullo?” He slurred, still half asleep.

“Twilight knows,” Legend greeted him.

“What?” Warriors sat up, groaning as his back complained from sleeping on his stomach all night. It took a second for his brain to catch up.

“Twilight knows,” Legend repeated. “Hyrule sold you out, unintentionally, and I can hear him selling you both out to Time,”

Warriors blanched as the words registered. “Oh shit,” he threw himself out of bed, hissing as he realized he slept fully dressed, and scrambled for the things he’d need in order to flee. “How long?”

“Twenty minutes if you get lucky and Wind pulls through, less if not,”

Warriors cursed under his breath as he changed his shirt and tried to make it look like he hadn’t been sleeping in what he was wearing. “Thanks for the heads up, I’d say I owe you but,”

“You’d rather not owe me,”

“Yeah,”

“Look, if you get caught and cave, I go down too. This is self-preservation. Don’t cave and we’re even.”

“Got it, I won’t,”

“You better not,” Legend hissed. “Good luck,”

“Thanks,” Warriors nodded, even though Legend couldn’t see him.

He tossed the phone on his dresser as the line went dead and he went about trying to comb through his hair so he looked presentable.

A hard knock on his door came a few seconds later.

“I put my phone on vibrate, Volga!” He shouted through the door. “You can drop it now!”

“Link?”

Warriors paused, then opened the door. Lana, Impa and Artemis waited on the other side, Volga glaring at them and hovering behind them.

Warriors blinked dumbly at them. “Uh, hi?”

“Hi Link! Good morning!” Lana grinned and waved at him.

“It’s noon,” Impa reminded the group, eying Warriors up and down.

“Oh, right,” Lana nodded, then went back to grinning at him. “Good noon, Link!”

He snorted and shook his head to clear it. “Good noon to you too, Lana. Can I ask what you’re all doing here?”

“We were hoping you’d join us for something,” Artemis smiled at him, also looking him over, trying to find whatever Impa had picked up on. “We’re going on a small road trip since all our finals are over, and we were planning on hitting a few different cities over the week,”

“Mhm,” Lana nodded quickly. “We’re leaving today, and are taking no calls until we get back, and we’re camping in the car, which is why we’re using my van, and we were hoping you’d come with us,”

“I’m in,”

The three girls blinked at him. Maybe he answered too fast, but taking no calls, meaning no contact with his family, for a week gave them time to move past this, and he really didn’t want to deal with a lecture from Time. His friends just offered him asylum, whether they knew it or not.

Impa narrowed her eyes. “What happened with your family?” She asked, already onto him.

“Nothing that’s my fault,” he responded, ducking back into his room. “What should I bring with?”

Lana listed off what they figured they’d take and he pulled out a suitcase, nodding along as he started packing. He fired off a text to the group chat as he grabbed his jacket, tossed over one arm, and wrapped his scarf around his neck.

World’s Best Captain 11:39 am

Leaving on a road trip with some friends. Be back in a week, but I can’t take calls until I’m back. Don’t kill each other!

He put his phone on silent and slipped it into his pocket.

He might have a hellish text backlog when he got back, but it’d be better than the lecture from Time. And besides, he got to spend a week with the best girls he knew.

As far as he was concerned, everything worked out win-win for him.

Wild was right, the crunchwrap supreme from Taco Bell did work wonders in supplying love and personal fulfilment, even if not in the way he meant it.

He made a note to get Wild something as thanks while they were out. Maybe some crash pads. Goddesses knew that his brother needed them.