#this was supposed to be our safe place
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?!?!??!?!!?
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Twice this week I have received comments on Can’t Help Falling in Love critiquing my use of tags and I’m just like?
those “extra” tags have been there for four years? no im not going to delete them?? I think if it truly was a big issue one of my moots/writer friends would’ve brought it up to me by now???
I use tags to express my creative voice and personality. And I DO include lots of real tags.
if someone makes something FOR FREE and it’s not harmful maybe just say what you like about it and move on?
like? do yall like my tags?? have my tags dissuaded you from checking out my stuff??? because I’ve been posting on ao3 since 2019 and this is the first time anyone has ever brought it up :/
#not to toot my own horn but this fic has done far better than I ever could’ve anticipated#it’s one of the top phinbella fics on ao3 I don’t think that would be the case if tags were an issue#and it’s my pnf legacy#to have TWO people leave comments saying hey loved the fic but you did this wrong#why????#what is the reason!#what good does that serve?#ugh#maybe my personality is ‘too much’ if so oh well#ao3#cadence rants#can’t help falling in love#fanfic#fan fiction#an archive of our own#like if you frequent m account you might be able to guess I’ve had a bit o a rough week. fandom is supposed to be my safe space but#unfortunately it isn’t always. But MY fic is supposed to be my ultimate safe space. a place for positivity and discussion and expression.#take that man splaining energy somewhere else it is not welcome here
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i found a VERY old drawing lol
#it was from 2022 ig#we were supposed to draw our “imaginary safe place” for art lesson#don't question why there's pool in the middle of a room filled with books#anw i'll definitely redraw it#i remember i was in literal pain while coloring that cuz there're lots of details-#im still scared of coloring it-#`•oliviaisdrawing#art
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Hello! I am here to ask about your Dior headcanons re: the political cohesion of Doriath. 👀
Oh man, I didn't expect anyone to actually take me up on that!
(Okay so I got partway into writing this and then realized I should probably note up front that I tend to stick to the Silm (& LOTR/the Hobbit where applicable, but they... aren't, here) as the most authoritative version of canon, and I can get into why and where the nuances/exceptions are there (I do say tend to stick, it's not hard and fast!), but that's mostly a side note here: the point is simply that I don't really factor other drafts or the poetic Leithian into my take on Doriath, Thingol, Dior, etc, just what we're told in the actual Silm. I also read the Silm as an in-universe history text compiled by in-universe scholars, who, being people, are going to have their own biases and blind spots, even when they're doing their best to be accurate!)
So, this is a two-part thing: #1, there's the political cohesion of Doriath before & at the time of Thingol's death, which i talked about in the tags of the post that prompted this ask but is kind of necessary as context for the Dior part to make sense, and #2, there's the actual Dior headcanons. Both of these parts are very long because I've never really seen anyone else suggest any of this stuff and I want to explain where I'm coming from thoroughly enough that it actually makes sense to people who aren't me, but the TL;DRs:
TL;DR 1: I think Doriath was probably a hot mess politically after Thingol died, with tensions between various groups of Sindar and Laiquendi in the leadup to Thingol's death & Melian's departure, and more political tensions afterwards between those who wanted Beren & Lúthien to come be the new rulers, and those who thought they should stay gone, with someone still in Doriath taking over.
TL;DR 2: I think Dior became Eluchil, potentially at the request of some portion of the Iathrim, hoping to help prevent Doriath from devolving into civil war, and saw dealing with the Silmaril-Fëanorioni situation as a lower priority than stabilizing Doriath's internal political situation until it was too late.
1. The political cohesion (or rather, lack thereof) in Doriath prior to Thingol's death
So, okay, the thing about Doriath is that we don't actually have any real idea of like... how much the Iathrim liked being the Iathrim? We're never told about any intra-Iathrim conflict, but a) the Silm was probably compiled mostly by surviving Gondolindrim or their descendants, so they wouldn't know about anything liike that unless surviving Iathrim told them, and after the Second Kinslaying I don't imagine many Iathrim would've been eager to talk about how things had actually been tense/messy/etc when they could remember everything as having been perfect until it was ruined by the Fëanorionrim, and doubly so after the Third Kinslaying, so why would anything like that make it into the Silm?
and b) what we do know about Doriath is that it wasn't really Doriath as we know it until Morgoth came back to Middle-earth, and everything went to hell.
At the start of the first age, you suddenly get Doriath (the fenced land!) being the one protected area of a continent that used to be totally free and open. How many Sindar actually didn't particularly care for Thingol's style of leadership, or simply preferred to live nomadic lives, going basically wherever they pleased, until suddenly that wasn't safe anymore, and you were only guaranteed survival if you were close enough to Menegroth to be within the Girdle when it went up? ditto how many Laiquendi had no interest in swearing loyalty to Thingol right after their own king had just been killed, but again, made it to safety and stayed there over taking their chances on their own in the outside world?
I think it's entirely possible that there were always potential political tensions under the surface in Doriath that just... never got written about, because they never boiled over into actual political conflict, and so it was never the sort of tension that had any bearing on the historical record.
Except then Beren & Lúthien happen to the world, and a few years later the Narn, and in the blink of an eye suddenly the only king Doriath has ever had is dead, and the only queen Doriath has ever had is gone and the Girdle with her—and more than that, the only rulers the Sindar had ever had for three thousand years before Doriath existed.
And where a few years earlier I think the Iathrim would probably have turned pretty universally to Lúthien, now she's abandoned them for her human husband—and while she's my favorite character in the entire legendarium hands-down and I don't blame her, I think that's another place there might have actually been some very mixed feelings among the Iathrim that nobody wanted to admit to later because how could anyone have been upset with Lúthien—and on top of her abandoning them for him, I think it's extremely probable most of Doriath did not actually get over their xenophobia about humans in general or Beren in specific when Thingol did (we know for sure at least some of Doriath didn't, cf. Saeros insulting Túrin's mother & sister to his face), but again, who's going to admit to having had a grudge against the holy couple of Middle-earth after the fact, you know?
Conversely, there could've been a sizeable faction of Sindar who had been totally loyal to Thingol until everything happened with Beren & Lúthien, but who found his actions towards them and/or Finrod to be where they drew the line, and while (unlike B&L themselves) that faction stayed in Doriath, there could've been a new, additional tension on that front.
Finally, for all we know there were multiple factions within the Laiquendi of Doriath, with political tensions stretching back to before their king died, rooted in who-even-knows!
2. Dior
All of that, of course, sets up a very, very messy political situation for Dior to walk into.
The Doriath stuff is arguably more speculation than actual headcanon, but here's where the unambiguous headcanons come in: I don't think "Dior Eluchil set himself to raise anew the glory of the kingdom of Doriath." Obviously that's how it got written down, but bluntly, I can't see Beren and Lúthien having a kid that stupid or, like, power-hungry and arrogant?
What I can see is a situation where the messenger that brought word of Thingol's death and Melian's departure asked Beren & Lúthien to come take over as the new king and queen, we promise we're not mad about you leaving and we won't be xenophobic to your husband anymore we swear it's fine now pretty please, Beren & Lúthien said no, and the messenger either asked Dior as a second choice, or said "okay fine none of that was actually true but Doriath is falling apart and we need a leader ASAP and there's about eight different contenders* (mostly kinsmen of Thingol or Laiquendi) being backed by various factions and it's going to devolve into civil war any minute so if you care at all—" and Dior said "would I do?"
(* Ask me about my Galadriel headcanon)
I don't think Dior necessarily wanted to be king of Doriath, and I don't think he saw the throne as his birthright or anything like that; I don't think anyone involved, from Thingol to Lúthien to Dior himself, ever considered the possibility of Thingol dying and needing an heir! I think it's possible he was asked, or at most that he offered, and either way, I think he saw becoming king as taking on a responsibility for the sake of others.
(Which, like, "well here's a potentially impossible task that I'm going to take up even though probably no one thinks I'm actually capable of it, but it's my duty to help others as best I can" sure does sound to me like an attitude one might develop when raised by Lúthien "I kicked Sauron's ass cast a sleep spell on Morgoth and persuaded the Valar to find a loophole in the fabric of reality" Tinuviel and Beren "I stayed by my father's side as an outlaw to give my mother time to lead the rest of our people away hopefully to safety knowing I would never see her or any of them again (and then spent several years being a giant thorn in Morgoth's side for good measure)" Barahirion, where "apparently my grandpa I may or may not have ever met died, guess that makes me the king of a place i may or may not have ever been" does... not.)
I also think he either took on the epithet Eluchil, or was given it by whichever factions of the Iathrim accepted him as king, when he actually became king. Obviously he's going to be referred to as Dior Eluchil even before that in retrospect because that's how he's thought of later, but that doesn't mean it was actually a name he always had, you know?
The final thing is, I think if Dior essentially walked into a political situation five seconds from devolving into civil war, it makes his inaction regarding the Silmaril prior to the Second Kinslaying make more sense: the Fëanorioni have been sitting around doing nothing about the Silmaril in Doriath / with Beren & Lúthien this whole time, the letter saying "hey that's our Silmaril give it back now" is probably just a formality, and Dior's only been ruling for a couple years, there's still plenty of people dubious about whether he should be king at all, he might well be subject to at least some of whatever xenophobia remains about humans in Doriath, and in general all the work he's done on stabilizing the kingdom will absolutely come undone again if he screws up; he's trying to keep a kingdom from falling apart, the Silmaril thing can wait.
Of course, it wasn't a formality, and it couldn't wait, but why would Dior have known that?
#shrikeseams#replies#doriath#the silmarillion#dior eluchil#lotr#lotr meta#i guess?#character: dior#jesus christ this is so much longer than i meant it to be i'm so sorry#also my lunch break was supposed to end twenty minutes ago WHOOPS please forgive any typos i have no time to fix#also there wasn't a good place to stick this in#but i also think everyone in doriath probably has PTSD about thingol's death#(many of them may also have had PTSD already esp the laiquendi or those of the sindar who had to return to menegroth in a hurry#when the first waves of orcs showed up#but anyone who didn't already almost definitely does by the time dior gets there#because holy shit our king is dead the girdle is gone none of us are safe now and he was murdered before the girdle even fell#so have we even been as safe as we thought all this time or were the last couple centuries a lie?)#but yeah those are my dior headcanons!! idk if that picture of doriath or dior in particular are to anyone's taste but mine#but if nothing else i like the idea of dior getting to be... an actual person? and someone i can see having been raised by beren & lúthien#and he doesn't really get to be either of those in the silm and i rarely see him in fanworks getting fleshed out like other characters do#and i think that's kind of a shame#you know?#also yes i am completely ignoring that dior's name theoretically means ''successor'' bc like. why would they name him that#that is from an early draft and there is no way to know if ''dior'' would even have stayed his name#if tolkien had gotten around to updating all the names in B&L/CoH etc into modern Sindarin#never mind if it would have meant anything remotely similar#this is mostly a first-draft post written in one sitting in the space of 45 minutes partially while late for work#i have Definitely left many points out and i am sorry if anyone has questions about things i probably have answers / can elaborate further?
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not to be ungrateful but i don't get paid enough at my job lol
#the problem with jobs that people do bc they love the work is that it doesn't pay well and you will be overworked to death#genuinely couldn't quit bc i love the kids too much already but 15 an hour is....not ideal tbh....#how am i supposed to make future plans in these conditions#i cant ask for a raise ive only worked here 3 months but ugh#the only reason i got hired is i finally broke my rule abt the minimum hourly rate i was willing to accept#i applied to the two 14-16 an hour jobs and used the one i already accepted to get this one to gove me 15 instead of 14#but that's still not a lot tbh#need to buy an oven since we havent had a working one since january#and i keep gping ok next time i get paid i will buy an oven#and it hasnt happened yet#and i need.....17k to invest in starting my own business and i will not see a return on that for a very long time 😭#and i have no idea where that money will be coming from lol#fortunately its not that time sensitive except it kind of needs to happen in the next year or two probably but idk#if i dont do what i need to do idk what will happen but i think the issue will become more expensive but also maybe less expensive#but also uglier and make my neighbors mad#but i have no choice but to wait bc i have no money for that lol#anyway#17k is my immediate expense but i also need to come up with the money to eventually buy my parents house somehow#and i dont even make enough to pay the mortgage 😭#fortunately i dont need to do that for a long time but...eventually#anywayssss#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions#i do love working with kids but jts hard work and all my coworkers are petty and hate eachother so its a lot#and i dont make enough money to live fr#im so lucky i live w my parents bc nobody at my job makes enough to live on their own lol#also the sheep that are supposed to be clearing brush got sick and went back to their farm and they're not coming back this year at all#so we need to brush hog it#or contract another farm#im not sure if its even safe w their poop all over the place snd im not getting any communication from the farmers#but it lowkey might be better to get our own sheep but thats so much work i dont want to think abt doing livestock
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(Vague post)
Popular analog horror has gone down the antisemetism rabbit hole so I no longer feel bad about using a vaguely similar idea. I think we need a Jewish analog horror ARG in fact
#Nah they’re not just supporting Palestine if they talk about Israel spreading propaganda and ‘getting what they deserve’#And ‘facing consequences by powers less cowardly ‘#Oh yeah I’m sure you’re not antisemetic when you’re threatening that more powerful countries will nuke Israel off the planet uh huh mhm#Anyways if anyone wants to join me in creating a completely jewish analog horror arg hit me up it’s our time#mango rambles#personal fruits#jumblr#ישראבלר#Not naming names but the fact is you can probably think of like. Five examples#Cool cool this doesn’t make me scared about content in the future at all.#I sound joking and all but I’m actually legit terrified#No space is safe for me#Not the magical girl fandom. Not the animation fandom. Not music or art. And now not even online horror#I legit have no place left. The only ones accepting me are either run by Jews or VERY small communities that don’t care about politics#When we say we are alienated now- think of what I just said#Every group has run me out of it. I can’t talk about anything I like without fearing for my online safety.#And people think this is an appropriate price for me to pay despite being a disabled queer mentally ill person. Someone who they’re suppose#To protect. WHO they still claim to protect. But when you add Jew#Or heaven forbid Israeli#To the mix. Suddenly you don’t get inclusivity anymore#WHO CARES if your hopes for the future rest on you creating art because you’re never gonna be able to support your family or get a real job#Should’ve thought about that before you parents were born in Israel if you wanted to be treated as a human being#Fuck everyone. My hopes for the future are legitimately so gone I’m always looking forward to dying so these people can be happy.#All I want is for everyone to be happy even at my expense. Sure my family will grieve#But millions of people will cheer for my death. That outweighs it. It’ll bring so much more happiness if I die.#This is my state now#I hope all you fucking Americans are happy. The country is going through a mental health crisis caused by you and you’re laughing#And tearing down posters of our cousins and siblings and friends. Laughing about it#And then go on to pretend to punch fictional nazis when in fact you are supporting real ones right now#I’m so done with everyone. Sorry about how series these tags are
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#this is my only safe place where my irl friends aren’t following me#so i can vent ab them in peace#but we had our big halloween fundraiser tonight for my club and i was working the whole time and hardly got enjoy the event#and i was invited to an after party and i was excited to go#and then i got told that (bc the party was being held at a fellow officer’s parents’ house)#that their parents were upset with how many people were going and they were told to make cuts on the guest list#and i got cut :/#i try so hard to be people’s friends and fit in and i thought i finally had broken through and was like. appreciated and valued.#but i suppose not.#i guess when it comes down to it#whatever.#feeling very t swift mastermind rn#nobody wanted to play with me as a little kid#so i’ve been scheming like a criminal ever since#to make them love me and make it seem effortless#like dude. i try so hard. and at the end of the day nobody cares.#makes it hard for me to like.#i just feel like i have no friends.#bex says
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homophobia sucks
#ughhhhhh the world is in so many crises all the time and all i can do is feel really sad#this is so. this is so lame what do we even have left#climates changing medias censoring police murdering technology advertising companies selling#theres no fucking escape and im really really tired#go outside... where. where. where can you go anymore.#the forest behind our backyard isnt a forest anymore its literally like three trees thick#bc they fucking cut half of it down to make new houses#and now all we see from our backyard are those other houses that werent there before#so many people will never see the sky full of stars#animals are going extinct but nothings being done bc theyre not Useful or give Profit#the very same kids you say youre protecting by banning so many things are being shot in the very place you said they were safe#no matter where you go your data is being sold there is no such thing as privacy#there is STILL A FUCKING PANDEMIC#and we are just supposed to. be used to it. immune. desensitized. is that not worse#the idea that ignoring it is all we can do bc caring wont even do shit#bc its bc people who dont care about anything other than themselves made all the decisionsn#and now everythings a fucking shithole#and all i can do about it is get upset in fucking tumblr tags
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Brother why are there so many roaches we have had TWO full exterminations and BOTH TIMES the roaches came back. The first time there were less of them for a week (still some) but the second time there was absolutely zero difference in the number of roaches even immediately after the extermination. Like man. What am I supposed to do about this
#they’re in all the appliances dawg how am I supposed to cook 😭#and my sister is just like ‘just move out!!!’ brother WHERE#she is actually moving out on the shortest notice imaginable cuz she can’t deal with the roaches#going to our ex step fathers house cuz she already planned to move in there with her partner#but now she’s going there early cuz of the roaches#and like okay sure but WE can’t move in there. and yet she’s like ‘find a new place!’ brother we renewed the lease#and also do you know how the world works nowadays you can’t move anywhere it’s always more expensive 😭#we’re like frogs in boiling water#I jumped ahead with that metaphor but I’m too lazy to backtrack to explain how I got there#anyways yknow the roach guys said the infestation was REALLY bad and they wanted to do a follow up#but idk when that follow up is cuz it’s been a month since the extermination and there has been 0 difference. as soon as we came back to the#apartment there were still roaches on the walls#like man what am I supposed to do they’re everywhere and it would be so hard to move out 😭#vent#<- figure I’ll add that cuz like. that’s what this is. my life is just not great rn. constantly hungry too cuz we struggle with groceries#and I’m too scared to make myself some food cuz of the obscene amount of roaches. there was a roach in the dinner last night. then my mom#invited us to dinner at her place and refused to get us dinner.#said she wanted to hang out and didn’t talk to me so wtf#it’s just not going well. I posted happily about how I got those gifts but honestly I can’t even enjoy them because there’s too many roaches#like I don’t know where to put things so that roaches don’t get them. there’s no safe space.
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IMAGINE CREATING AND INHALING TOXIC GAS LMAO COULDN'T BE ME 😂😂
#dude how was I even supposed to know#I'm just chilling testing for conductivity#(basically the bulb would turn on if it conducted electricity)#and then the doctor said to turn off the thingy immediately after we'd got our observations recorded#bc the compounds we're working with create toxic gas#YOU COULD'VE SAID THAT SOONER DOCTOR 😭😭😭#chemistry is wack I'm telling you#it was even the gas used in wwii so it was NOT safe in the slightest#kinda makes me wonder why we were even creating it in the first place 💀#it wasn't even the most corrosive compound we were using today 🤡#I forgot the name of the compound with the gas lmao 💀#anyways that's my story of poisoning myself basically#I'm okay tho#lungs and heart and throat been acting up but I'm all good
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people with hoarding based disorders deserve respect and compassion too, yall see hoarder houses and get grossed out and say things like "how could you let it get that bad" but yall dont really see us as people or even think about how hard it is for us to live in these conditions all the time, I guarantee you that the shame and guilt and hopelessness that we feel living like this (not to mention the genuinely unsafe conditions sometimes making us and our pets and loved ones sick) is far far worse than how disgusted you feel seeing it
#and even when kids are involved we still need compassion and support#we need help making our homes safer for our kids#we need our communities to come together and help us clean and throw things away#but it has to be done with respect and dignity#if yall just come into our houses and tell us how disgusting we are and shame us as parents and people for our mental illness#we're not going to ask for help next time#and btw the solution is not for cps to just steal our kids until we can figure it out without any help#the solution is for friends family neighbors etc to offer safe places for our kids to stay while everyone works together#to make our homes safer for our kids#we've lost sight of what communities are supposed to do for each other and how we're supposed to help each other#cayden rambles#original content
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my mom’s about to be the reason i off myself exactly a week before graduation if she keeps bitching about every little thing
#suicide mention#i’ve had it up to here with her bullshit. i’m so fucking sick of it. i just want to be able to relax for five god damn minutes. is that too#much to fucking ask for? huh? is it too fucking much? or does she just hate me for some stupid fucking reason?#i’m so fucking sick of how i get treated in this house. my sister is a little bitch to me for having her do the most basic shit such as#god damn basic hygiene. like to brush her hair or teeth or put on god damn deodorant. y’know. shit she shouldn’t need to be told.#shit that she has to be told every god damn day by both me and our mom. i’m so fucking stressed out over every fucking thing in existence#right now. and its supposed to be the easiest week for seniors. its supposed to be a dream but its turning out to be a fucking#nightmare. why does everything in my life that can go wrong end up going wrong. its so fucking stupid. i don’t even get a single moment of#peace anymore. constantly being yelled for or yelled at at home. being unable to fucking be myself in the place i’m supposed to#feel safe in. i literally have to fucking hide that i’m trans and go by a different name from my little sister#because my mom clearly can’t fucking handle her youngest knowing that her eldest is queer in more ways than one.#this entire post is all over the place and i don’t even have the ability to care right now. i’m just so god damn sick of everything. i need#a fucking break.
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sooo. i got roofied tonight 😐
i am safe! i was Immediately surrounded by my friends who also happened to be at the bar, all is well but damn. it might be a minute before im able to go back there, which is a shame because it was one of my favorite bars
#its also THE MOST notable queer bar in my city#its the place EVERYONE goes so its also. rlly stressful for our tightnit queer community that something like that would happen there#its all but unheard of in that bar. its supposed to be a safe gay space#the bartenders and all my friends and even kind strangers all handled it rlly well tho#everyone started Immediately pouring out and tossing unattended cups#and i was whisked away to the safety of a near by friends apartment#all in all could have been really scary but was blessedly fine because. tbh im pretty well known at this point#so literally everyone around me Knows me and immediately knew something was off#it speaks#tw#drugging
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mother in law stole my fave pj pants cant have shit in this house
#i have to joke abt it bc if i dont ill have a break and the last straw being pj pants would b pathetic of me lol#vent post#i have been looking for them for over a month and just assumed they were in our laundry#and the only place she couldve gotten them is from our pile downstairs#so now im just. stuck thinking abt how many other of my favorite things have gone missing in the wash and wondering how many are just gone#like the matching shirt is missing. does she have that? did she take both? shes stretching the pants and im hoping theyll recover but the#shirt cant stretch that much so is it in the pile or did she take it or did she get rid of it or is it going to show up burned with holes#like most of my other shirts do#i cant even have fucking clothes in this house i cant eat i cant shower i cant exist downstairs for the majority of the day i cant make#noise i get yelled at and walked in on for using the bathroom i cant fucking exist without my partner or their brother as a chaperone#i fucking hate it here i cant fucking take it i wish shed tell me to kill myself again so i could get it on recording and get a fucking#restraining order and never see her again i want her to leave me alone i want to feel safe again i want to stop being terrified to breathe#too loudly i want to be able to leave my partners fucking room i want to have somewhere to call home i want to not be hated for existing#im so fucking tired i cant keep doing this fuck me#were supposed to move out in april or may and if we cant find a place that soon idk what im gonna do bc i cant hold out much longer here
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missing someone so bad im sick with it while simultaneously hating their guts for hurting me in ways i never considered possible between us is the worst
#shes the one i run to for comfort#shes the one whos supposed to be my safe place to rest and recover#we were supposed to protect eachother and love and treasure eachother and she threw all of that away#threw it away for a fucking 20 yo who she dropped like hot shit and who was completely unaffected by being dropped#i hate this#our entire relationship is ruined and basically burnt to the ground#and she calls it a mistake#what kind of a mistake is that#a mistake is buying plain almond milk instead of vanilla#a mistake is like#drying your pants too high and they shrink#this was a series of intentional choices#made knowing what theyd do to me#fuck you so hard#i wouldnt wish what you did to me on the vilest human being alive
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I would like to talk about Fireheart/ Firestar trust issues a bit on this site tbh
#that its like so interesting from what i remember#guy was so paranoid sometimes.#idk if it was because bluestar was his mentor lol ❤️#i kind of not remember well that part of him but kind of stucked with me about how i see his character#it just that realistically to a cat it would take a while for they to feel safe and comfortable to a new place#and i kinda relate that fact to that#then i wonder why he had a so close minimal group to talk#ahh i love fireheart tpb sorry#i mean that feature is also in tnp but never pointed because he is supposed to be the all well collected guy in ours eyes#give him his flaw pls#idk would like to talk more about it tbh but like bad memory could make me recall it bad#i can do my draws that represent this however nyehehe#yeah#silly#fireheart
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