#this was such a fun piece by the way i kept adding detail for like hours and it was so worth every second i love her | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

reiderwriter · 1 year ago

Text

🧺 Any More 🧺

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

For the CM Kink Bingo Challenge 2024

Requested: spencer realizing that he’ll never love someone as much as he loves you. (whether that be because of a case or what have you), his mind is absolutely blown with how much he worships you and how much you love and care for him and he shows you that with the softest most sickeningly sweet sex you and him has ever done. <3

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI! Discussions of case details, case burnout, very close friends to lovers, oral (f receiving), vanilla sex (p in v penetration). Discussions of mental health, and two idiots in love.

A/N: I'm hitting the prompt Vanilla for this one, so please don't be scared off by the KinkBingo tags! I had a lot of fun writing this one (and adding Pride and Prejudice quotes into the smut scene because HELLO). Let me know what you think in the replies~♡

Masterlist || Bingo Board

You hadn't seen Spencer in 100 days. Which in the grand scheme of things wasn't that long, trapped in the purgatory of a ‘what if’ the way you had been for the last eight years.

You'd lived without him for longer than 100 days before. He'd been in prison, you'd been on assignments, you'd lived an entire life before meeting him, but now somehow 100 days was too much time, and you were exhausted. You understood why Spencer had to take some time away from you, from the team in an official capacity after everything he'd been through. You supported him even.

But when even your free time didn't overlap anymore, you wondered if your relationship would ever be the same again.

Spencer was a friend, your best friend, probably. You'd arrived on the BAU team, he'd rattled off some statistics, stammering the way through them, and you'd immediately warmed to the man. He was brilliant, funny, and fiercely loyal, and you tried your best to protect him even when the job seemed designed to break people like him into thousands of little pieces.

You'd tried to convince him to leave before, after Maeve had died. You didn't want to see him heart broken again, but no one else had seemed to agree.

“Reid needs purpose,” they'd said. “Reid needs something to do.”

What Reid needed was to not end up dead before he had a chance to be happy, and happiness didn't come often in your field of work.

You'd been almost vindicated a year later when he'd been shot again, almost fatally. Vindicated, maybe but distraught and inconsolable. Morgan had to carry you screaming and clawing out of his hospital room multiple times. It sounded stupid enough to yourself that it was only then you realized your feelings for the man.

You wanted to be Spencer Reid's happiness, which was why you were so lost without him.

He was coming back on Monday, and at least you had the weekend to sort your feelings out about everything.not just about him, but about the job you'd found didn't fit you well enough anymore, about the team you loved like family, about the relationship you knew would likely never come to fruition.

You dumped your bags at your door when you'd arrived in your house that night, pushed yourself into your bedroom and let yourself collapse on your bed, balling up into as cozy a position as you could. You didn't even bother taking your jacket off, you just let your brain haze over and sleep rush in.

Three quiet raps at your door lifted you up and out of bed again, not an hour later.

You grabbed your phone, grabbed the second go-bag you kept at your house, put your shoes back on, and opened the door, expecting Emily and a new case.

“Where are we going?” You said, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes, not even looking up at your guest.

“Hopefully, nowhere? I brought takeout.”

Your eyes widened then, taking in all 185cm of Doctor Spencer Reid, tweed jacket and plastic bag full of chow mein included.

“Spencer,” you breathed out, like a sigh of relief, letting the bag drop to the floor next to the first one and letting yourself into his arms.

He held you carefully there for a second before leading you back into the apartment, wrapping an arm around you and ruffling your hair. It was brotherly, and it made you sick to your stomach.

“What are you doing here?”

“Emily said you were back from a case,” he started, unpacking the takeaway from the containers. “And it feels wrong to eat this without you.”

You rolled your eyes and followed him into the kitchen, pulling two forks out of the drawer nearer you and stabbing them in the top of your two cups.

“Hey, I can use chopsticks now,” he said, defending himself against an inside joke. Spencer was always useless with his hands.

“I don't care if you can use them, I care that they don't accidentally end up stabbing me,” you said, taking yourself back to your bedroom, Spencer following.

“You'd hardly die from being stabbed by a wooden chopstick, maybe a papercut or a splinter but-”

“But you're just bad enough that I don't want to risk it.”

You kicked off your shoes again and climbed onto your bed. Spencer followed.

“Remind me again why we aren't sitting on your couch?”

“Uncomfortable.”

“Or at your breakfast bar?”

“Glorified filing cabinet right now. Eat.”

He shook his head but complied, leaning back against your pillows as you both began carefully eating. Silently, you pulled your laptop onto your bed, opened it up, and pressed play on a movie, one you'd seen more than once, and you'd forced Spencer to watch before as well.

In a comfortable, friendly silence, you finished your food. You stretched out in a yawn once and then curled into his side, letting his mumbling voice, repeating the movie lines as they were spoken, lull you softly into sleep.

Spencer knew he had to leave, but he couldn't bring himself to wake you. The movie had finished hours ago, he'd closed the laptop and turned off the bug lights, but he couldn't leave.

Unlike you, he hadn't counted the days that you'd been apart. He hadn't needed to. He knew you'd be waiting there for him when he returned, knew you'd give him a smile and a pat on the back, and immediately start bouncing ideas off of him. It was what he loved about you.

As he laid next to you in your bed, a place he'd absolutely been before, his heart thumped. Just once, but hard.

Even in sleep, you looked exhausted. Your shirt was crumpled, hair a mess, you were still wearing makeup, and he knew he'd probably get an earful for letting you sleep like that in the morning. You were a mess, and he still wanted you.

The thought came to him suddenly, another painful thump of his chest echoing in his mind. He rubbed absent mindedly at his chest as if experiencing heartburn. In the dim light of the room, he let his head drop to the pillow and wrapped two shaky arms around you and pulled you in closer.

The two of you were a picture - both in suits, both with badges still somewhere on your person, both dearly clinging to the person they feared losing the most.

When you woke the next morning, it was actually the afternoon.

“Spencer,” you groaned, melting under the heat of his embrace. Somehow, during the night, he'd rolled on top of you, pressing you into the bed with a delightful pressure, head nuzzled into your neck, arms tucked around your waist.

“Spencer, we should get up,” you said again, forcing your eyelids apart as your mascara tried to glue them together.

“Mmmmhh,” he groaned, moving to pick himself up off you for a minute but lowering himself again. If asked, he'd blame your hand in his hair, stroking the rogue curls gently, as if he were a prized pet and you their carer.

“Spencer, its 2pm.”

“On a Saturday.” You laughed at how pouty his voice sounded, but he complied and rolled off of you slightly, arms still wrapped around you.

“Come on. Get up. I've got some clothes that might fit you, let's get you out of the tweed.”

He huffed but nodded and lifted himself halfway to upright, eyes still closed lazily as he let in the light millimetre by millimetre.

“God, my face feels horrible,” you said, itching at your nose. “How did we even sleep so long like this? My belt is still on, Spencer, my belt.”

“If you were still wearing a weapon, then I'd be worried,” he smiled.

You shot him a sarcastic look and finally detangled yourself, only to clasp his hands and pull him forward as well, letting him trail you to your closet.

“Here, change in the bathroom,” he nodded and walked away, following directions with eyes still closed, as if it were really his apartment and not your own.

100 days without him, and it was as if it had only been 100 hours. Your entire body chemistry changed when he was around, the stick holding your spine rigidly in place, dissolving into calm, into a smile and a free giggle. It felt right again, and you almost forgot you'd ever felt wrong.

After briefly changing, you swapped place with Spencer, who'd exited the bathroom with a toothbrush hanging out of his mouth and wet hair.

“Dry it for me?” He asked, sitting on your couch, and you nodded your ascent. A shower and a quick change later, and you were doing just that.

As much as he tried to keep his head upright, it kept lolling onto your thigh, yawns stretching out of him as he nuzzled closer to you.

“Spencer, you're like a big kid, keep your head up.”

“I'm not a kid,” he laughed, hooking his arms behind your knees and nuzzling closer into your soft sweats. “I'm just tired.”

“You're right. A child would probably be better behaved.”

“Our child would be,” he sighed, but you'd already turned the hairdryer back on, drowning out everything. Everything but that thump again. A child, he was thinking about children, and more importantly, he was thinking about your children. With him.

He'd always imagined himself with a family, knowing it would ultimately stay in his imagination. But for a second, his visions changed. It wasn't just a child or two. It was you. Thump.

Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump.

He only released the image when you finally pushed his head off of you and stood, turning away from him to get a glass of water from your kitchen.

“So, any plans today? Books to read, papers to mark, undergrads to run away screaming from?” You let the ice water cool your hot cheeks, but kept your back to him. You were hot, embarrassed, and you were looking at him in a sickeningly sweet way that could only be described as love struck or struck dumb.

“No, no, I finished all my obligations at the college yesterday,” he said, following behind you and picking up your cup when you set it down, taking a sip himself.

“I was… I was actually hoping we could spend some time together? Unless you had plans, which is totally fine-”

“No, Spencer, yeah, I have no plans, that's…. Well I have to do laundry, which is a bit boring but, no. No plans.”

“Laundry?”

“Two week case in Florida, I don't know how you didn't smell me yesterday, Spencer. I'd be running for the hills.”

He laughed and stepped away again, grabbing the two go bags by the door and coming back into your space.

“How about we get this done now so we can spend the day in a Who-Trek marathon?”

“Make that a Who-Greys Anatomy Marathon, and you have yourself a deal.”

He pouted again, and you snorted at the sight, taking another sip of water to calm yourself before you could react safely to that face.

“Come on, you know you've been dying to know what happens next at the Grey Sloane Memorial Hospital.”

“I thought it was called the Seattle Grace Mercy?”

“Oh we better get to that laundry now. You have a lot to catch up on.”

Grabbing a bag in one hand and his free hand in your other, you made your way down to your building's laundry room. But despite the man by your side and the relaxing day threatening to stretch ahead of you, a gloom caught you in the corridors.

You'd worked for two weeks, practically solid. You'd killed a man two days ago, or at least someone on your team had multiple shots having been fired. Another day on your job, another unsub felled, and everyone else was content with this just being a part of the job description.

It felt like each step towards the laundry room, each thing you did that was normal, that was regular, threw back in your face the pain you endured to save lives.

The bag in your hand weighed you down, pulling you lower and lower by the second.

You reached the laundry room, and you found the weight almost unbearable, stopping just before you could step in. You didn't have to think about what came next though, because suddenly the bag was out of your hands and Spencer was sorting your laundry for you.

“It's a Saturday, so your neighbour's won't complain if we separate the darks and lights into two machines, will they?” He asked, not looking up at you as he worked pouring out the fabric softener and the detergent. “Y/N?”

You hadn't noticed the lightness in your body until the tears hit your cheeks, the weight gone with his support.

“Y/N, what is it? What's wrong?” He said, hands cupping your face, because of course he was immediately at your side.

“I-I can't do it, Spencer…” your voice shook, pitching upwards, your vision blurring with tears.

“Can't do what, Y/N? Talk to me please, let me help?”

“I can't do laundry!” You said, finally bursting into a full fit of tears and burying your head in his waiting chest.

“L-Laundry?” He said, trying not to laugh, but the smile slipping out anyway now you were holding him.

You only sobbed again, nodding into his shirt, aware you were probably leaving snot all over it but not being able to care. It was your shirt anyway. You would just have to add it back to your laundry pile.

The thought set you off on another wave of sobs, and Spencer set about comforting you again. Keeping an arm wrapped around you, he put his quarters into the machines and set them off before quickly ushering you back up the stairs into your apartment.

“Y/N? Y/N, please talk to me,” he begged, smoothing your hair out of your eyes as you tried to gather yourself.

“I don't…. I can't….” You took a breath again, aware of the way your breathing hitched in your chest as you did.

“I don't think I can do this anymore,” you said, and his eyes widened quickly.

“This? Y/N, if you mean this as in us, then I can't-”

“This job,” you clarified, hands digging into the soft flesh of his arms further as he held you, finally sitting back on your couch.

“The job. Okay, the job. That's okay. We all feel like this at some point.”

You sniffed again and refused to meet his eyes.

“But this isn't like the other times this - It's like my whole b-body is protesting, and I can't sleep, and if I don't, then I might get sloppy and an unsub could-”

“Y/N, focus on my voice. You're spiralling. Listen to my voice, let's take some breaths, and think about this for a second.”

He guided you through some breathing, a hand on your back tapping out beats even as his voice grew quiet.

When you finally relaxed, you were sat on top of him, his hand rubbing circles into your back.

“I think it started when you left,” you whispered. “When you went to Mexico, and then, you know,” you've voice thickened, and you couldn't get the words out.

“And then these last 100 days they've just been…difficult.”

“100…difficult,” he echoed, almost breathless as he listened to you.

“It's like I can't do it without you. I never had to try to do it without you, and now I get what people say when they say this job is shitty, because it is when your best friend isn't there.”

You gave him a weak smile and wiped away your tears, trying to climb from his lap. But his firm arms held you still, and you didn't really want out anyways.

“When I get home, everything is different, and I can't make myself do anything. If you weren't here, I wouldn't have done that laundry. I'd let it sit and avoid it for weeks. Do you understand?”

“Y/N, lots of people feel depressed sometimes-”

“It's not - Spencer, I don't think this is something I can medicate my way out of. I don't know what to do because I can't do my job without you, and I can't be happy doing my job, and if I leave my job I'll be without you and then-”

Your voice cracked again.

“And then I still won't be happy.” The words were barely a whisper, but they were a plea, too. You weren't sure what for.

“You can't be happy without me?” He asked, but it was more a statement than anything else. Spencer felt horrible in that moment as his chest rattled, gleeful that he was your happiness.

“I love you,” he said, outloud finally after eight years.

“I love you, too, Spencer, but-”

“No, Y/N. Listen to me. I. Love. You.” The thumping of his heart set the tempo for the choir that was his senses to begin singing, as he finally leaned forward and kissed you.

“I love you, and I don't care if you're working at the BAU or if you're avoiding laundry at home. I, god, you're amazing and wonderful, and you're a human being, and you've our yourself under so much pressure for the last decade to keep me alive, to keep all of us alive really and….”

He took another breath, leaning into kiss you one more time.

“And you deserve a break.”

“W-When we take breaks, people die.”

“Did anyone die when I was teaching for the last three months? When JJ went on maternity leave?”

You shook your head, but your brain was still a mess.

“You all had reasons, I-”

“You have reasons, too. Y/N…. Y/N, let me be your reason.”

For a moment or two, Spencer truly thought you were going to say no. He thought you would get up and walk away, or better yet, ask him to leave and never come back.

So when you pressed your lips to his, he was sure that this was a dream.

But to you, it was salvation. Spencer Reid's love was the lifeline you'd been thrown, and it was buoyant enough to make you start floating.

His hands kneaded the flesh at your hips as he pulled you closer still to him, his tongue slipping into your mouth to explore every part of you there.

“Y/N… love…you,” he mumbled with each spare breath he caught, and you only detangled your lips to hear him say it again as he pressed similarly heated kisses against every inch of your exposed skin.

When Spencer's mind lost its ability to create original speech, he leant back on a lifetime of information, of learning love through books and people and marathons with you.

“I know that all I know right now is that I love you. And I know that I always will,” he whispered, lifting you and carrying you back to the bed you'd only crawled from an hour hence.

A hand slid under your shirt, and slowly pushed it over your head, letting it slowly drop to the floor as he held you tenderly.

“To me, you are perfect.”

His mouth found one nipple, and he gently kissed, then suckled at it, hands softly caressing your stomach, feeling along every ridge of you as you writhed under him.

“Of all the FBI Units, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.”

“Spencer,” you said, voice still thick with tears, but these ones more tender, more joyful.

His hand eased your sweats over your ass and off, his hips settling between your legs as if he found the place he was made to lie forever.

“The truth of it is, I’ve loved you from the first second I met you.”

His mouth trailed lower until his tongue hit your clit, brushing against it languidly, as if it was his deepest desire to taste you and nothing else ever again.

His tongue flattened and flicked and pushed inside of you as you replayed his words again and again and again. You found yourself repeating them with him.

“I love you,” you echoed as he pushed a finger inside of you.

“I.. love you,” you gasped as he added another.

“I love you,” you screamed as your back arched up off the bed, finding your pleasure in his tongue, just ad you'd found love in his words.

“You have bewitched me body and soul, and I love….” He freed his cock from his pants, and took it in hand.

“I love…” With another kiss, he pressed the tip of it against you, asking for permission silently as you nodded your head.

“I love you.” He pushed in slowly, but it wouldn't matter how he did it because now you knew how he felt, and you didn't want to return to a time of not knowing.

Hooking your legs around him, Spencer dropped his forehead to yours and looked you directly in the eyes as he began moving. In and out, he thrust, mouth open in a moan of pleasure, likely mirroring your own.

The poetry, the movie lines, they were gone now, and Spencer was left with nothing but you, and love, and love for you.

“Spencer,” you moaned out, and he felt his chest swell. Pride. His name on your tongue, his body pressed to yours, claiming you as his ad you claimed him as yours.

He came with a shudder and you were not far behind, his undoing sending a shiver up your spine as his fingers grazed your clit again.

You sat panting for a minute, still attached, still forehead to forehead.

You weren't sure if it was him who giggled first or if it was you, but you were glad it was one of you.

You spent the rest of the night, the rest of the weekend, wrapped in his warmth, dressed in his love, taking each day a step at a time as you basked in his adoration.

2K notes · View notes

takes1 · 5 months ago

Note

asahi x reader nsfw

mutual masturbation or riding/gridning or first time

asahi x reader grinding

my god i fckng love asahi !!! UUUGHHH he's so!! perfect. i will NEVER pass an asahi request, NEVER

warnings. nsfw, minors DNI

details. mutual pining! / skipped!talking phase / mutual lust! / asahi has a crush on you / forced proximity / asahi is hung / lap sitting / beach setting / implied mutual virginity / flirting? / suggestive touching / asahi is a very soft top / 2.9k words / reply to be added to part 2 tomorrow :)

links. masterlist. more haikyuu. my ao3. requests OPEN. part two here.

"You sure you're okay back there, (Y/n)?" Asahi called to you from the front seat.

Nishinoya's negligent driving up towards the hotel was nothing short of dangerous, especially with no seatbelt, but you had a good amount of things to hold onto.

"Yeah!"

What was that thing about guys using your name more often when they like you? Was that true? You pulled out your phone with the intention of looking it up.

The golf cart hit a big stone in the trail and you quickly stored your it back to the safety of your pocket.

It could wait for tonight, when you were getting off in your empty hotel room to cropped team pictures and the day's memories of him all sweaty and covered in sand-- and much more likely to believe the delusional assertion that he wanted you back.

It was a decent drive to the porte-cochère* where your objective sat.

You were happy to discover that the red cooler you were all after was 1) where Tanaka left it, 2) still in the shade, and 3) that there was still a fair amount of ice in it so the team could have their drinks cold.

The stifling heat of the day served as a brutal reminder that this little beach trip -courtesy of Coach Ukai's elbow rubbing with some sponsors- was for practice and training, not mindless fun or goofing off. Karasuno, unsurprisingly, had been balancing both quite well in spite of the heat.

When the team realized they left the cooler back up the winding, gravel trail towards the hotel, your little group formed only because you knew exactly where it was, Nishinoya was frightfully obsessed with wanting to drive a golf cart, and Coach Ukai voluntold Asahi to go because he would be needed for 'extra muscle.'

You looked back towards the front of the vehicle, scanning the width of his tan shoulders under his tank. The cart pulled up onto some smooth concrete at last and you tore your eyes away.

Despite your gratefulness for his presence, you thought that last part was silly. The thing would be heavy enough with ice and water to keep the whole team hydrated until lunch- but with two people and a dash of determination you had no doubt you could get it up.

Just as you and Nishinoya climbed out, Asahi was already grabbing both ends and hauling the giant thing up by himself.

His biceps firmed, bulged and swelled under the tension- he was all shiny with sunscreen and sweat. The image went straight to the vault. You kept your entranced expression under your hand and shuffled out of the way when he carefully placed the heavy thing across the backseat. The cart sagged so far under the weight, you thought the rear bumper might actually scrape the ground.

There was nothing to be done though, since that was the only space for it.

"Show off!" Nishinoya laughed. Even he had to get a piece of that- he grabbed his buddy's meaty arm, then punched it playfully.

You pretended not to look. But in the process, your downcast eyes found there was no room for all of you to ride back.

"There aren't enough seats," You said quietly.

Nishinoya bit the inside of his cheek, eyes scanning the structure of the cart for a quick few seconds. He was playing people-tetris in his head for a good minute, patting the cooler like that might shrink it.

"You can sit on my lap!" He grinned at you.

You froze at the suggestion- thankfully Asahi was quicker on the uptake.

"Yuu, you're driving. You wouldn't be able to see."

"Oh, yeah..." He tapped on the cooler for a second, keys swinging on his finger, "Well, just sit on Asahi's lap!"

There was no hiding the reaction. It was almost like getting slapped, the way you anticipated the proposition. Asahi watched it all happen on your face, but looked away when you glanced up at him.

He put an oversized hand to the back of his burning neck with a gentle, nervous smile, "Only if you're okay with it."

And there you were, climbing into the cart over him while Nishinoya secured the cooler with two crisscrossed bungee cords in the back. It was just that damn simple, when it was all said and done.

He was warm and gentle. His thighs were strong and far more comfortable than the hard plastic backseat you rode in on the way here.

You sat on him at a bit of an angle at first, so it was less awkward, but that didn't seem to work.

A noise of surprise forced itself from you when he shifted and grabbed your waist. It forced your whole body to swing in one big motion. Your hands flew to the roof stabilize yourself.

"Sorry-! Sorry," He mumbled, a little distracted, avoiding your gaze as he made himself more comfortable.

"Am I too heavy?" Was a sigh that just flew out of your mouth. That was a little much, and probably not the case at all, but you were so glad you asked when he looked at you like you were insane.

His laugh was almost enough to distract you from his arms pulling your full weight onto his lap. His casual strength was so hot.

"Of course not."

Your throat closed up, skin tingly under his touch, as you struggled to find how to orient your legs.

Nishinoya was climbing into the driver's seat, flipping through keys.

"Is- this- okay? Can I put my hands-," He set his palm back down lighter, lower on your thigh, but kept one forearm tight like a bar around your hips, "Here?"

A thumb prodding against your hip bone, right at the hem of your shorts, made you realize how big his fingers really were.

"Yeah! Yeah, that's totally f-ine," Your voice cracked so hard that it caused a full body flinch.

He didn't notice thanks to the volume of the engine starting up.

A careful, slow, "Cool."

Sat with your spine stock-straight, cautious not to touch him more than you had to, your head was nearly hitting the roof at every bump in the road. And the road was made of bumps.

Asahi could only take watching you struggle with your neck bent for so long.

He leaned forward, chest pressed against your back, and muttered so Nishinoya couldn't hear, "You don't have to sit like that, if it's uncomfortable."

You grimaced at the chills it sent down your spine and managed to somehow silence your yelp.

There was no way you could speak coherently enough to argue, so you let yourself lean against him.

"That better?" He wouldn't stop trying to talk to you. It was like he thought it would make this less of a thing.

But every time he spoke you could feel it resonate, low and gravelly, through your whole body.

You said, "Yeah," But no sound came out. You heard him grin.

"Yuu, you missed the turn-," Asahi informed, calm and a little distracted.

"Shit!"

Instead of stopping, reversing, and safely going back the other way, he decided to cut the wheel at full speed.

There was no time to digest the situation, or say anything, especially not over Nishinoya's delighted scream: "SKRRRRR!!!"

Asahi braced hard enough for the both of you, one hand on the roof, one still forcing you into his lap, until the passenger side of the cart slammed back down hard onto the gravel, and you were travelling in the correct direction again.

Neither of you said anything over Nishinoya's giddy laughter for a good minute.

"I'm gonna kill you tonight, Noya- I really am," You swallowed your fear back down and shuddered.

Asahi felt your whole body freeze, your hands trembling against the safety of his burly arms. It was a lot of things all at once and despite his best efforts, he wasn't helping you calm back down.

"No need for all that," He laughed a little at your deadpan admission, brushing right along the side of your neck, his fingers squeezing a little into your flesh, "I got ya."

Your tummy was right back to turning, swirling, with an angry swarm of butterflies.

You felt like if you opened your mouth, even a little bit, even to just agree, you might confess all of your dirty thoughts here and now.

You couldn't have been more grateful to be wearing shorts. Or else you would've been dripping all over him. The thought alone made your legs flex uncontrollably, and you could've sworn you felt him give a sigh against the back of your head.

After all the rocking around, he had to adjust again. You were brimming, hardly able to keep it together, as he pulled you back onto what you could tell now was his hard-on. The final blow was when he fixed your legs back open, one firm and heavy, further towards your inner thigh this time.

Fuck, he didn't sigh- he groaned. It was just so quiet it sounded like a sigh.

Morbid curiosity got the best of you. You turned your head real slow to look at him. You found a cloudy, near pornographic focus in his eyes, souring your body from over your shoulder.

It was a step under a jumpscare. It sucked the courage right out of you. Thank god he was holding onto you so tight, because you were about as firm as a cup of Jell-O after that.

You stared forward at the road, heartbeat racking through you like a drum. You weren't sure if you could meet his gaze ever again.

"EEERRRRRRRRR!!!!"

Nishinoya had to vocalize his foot slamming against the brake. It was not needed; the screech of those poor rental tires was loud enough.

When the cart finally lurched to a stop next to the sand, and all the safety of so much noise was gone, Asahi cleared his throat. It was a queue to get up, really, but you didn't want to stand.

In fact, you didn't think you could. Not only was Nishinoya's driving that nauseating, but the tension in your stomach made it feel like you'd break in half if you moved off of him.

But, of course, Tanaka's shameless wolf whistle shocked the both of you straight upright. Asahi slid his hands off with one last-ditch squeeze at your hips.

You stumbled out, knees shaky enough to invite help from the rest of the team, whom were already anxiously waiting for the arrival of the refreshments. Your knuckles were white gripping on the side of the cart.

"Woah- You okay?"

Hinata reached out to help you but you flinched away. A slew of 'yeah's left your mouth, uncool and unsubtle in every way.

You shivered at the wind. "I just- I get carsick?"

He snorted at the odd way you spoke, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," You muttered, lame and defeated.

In the wake of your metaphorical blue balls, the beach was the worst place to sober up. You weren't into anyone else, but skin was still skin. There wasn't an ugly person on the team. Everybody was shiny with sunscreen and it smelled like sweat at every turn. You felt like a degenerate.

"Noya shouldn't be allowed to drive. Let alone a top-heavy vehicle..." Asahi grimaced, his rumbly voice once again no aid to you.

He also struggled to get out of the cart and stand upright on the sand, already surrounded with guys trying to access cooler.

Hinata blocked the view and enthusiastically filled you in on how difficult it was to jump in sand, how he planned on getting over it, and everything else you missed while you were gone.

Your sensitive ears couldn't help but pick up Daichi's voice, giggly, asking Asahi if he needed a minute before the practice game, and Suga, laughing and telling him to 'get that shit under control.'

You went to check your phone for the time to subtly tell Hinata to stop talking and see how much practice time had gotten cut into with this little endeavor.

But when you felt for it, nothing was there.

Dread washed through you. You stood stock-still. You told Hinata to 'Hold on' and checked the back of the cart, where you last had it, and found nothing.

The team was already heading down the big sandy hill to continue their game, sharing the hefty load of the cooler.

"You good?" Nishinoya asked just before he was about to leave.

There was a minute drop in his voice, like he was insinuating something, but you answered quickly and honestly.

"No, I- I think I left my phone up there."

His suggestive facade faded fast, "Oh, shit, uhh-,"

He jogged to the side of the cart and began searching. Sure, he messed around a lot, but he was a great friend. You followed suit after making sure it was in none of your pockets again.

He was flipping up cushions and crawling around on the floorboard before a voice behind you made you jump.

"Didja lose the keys, or something?" Asahi asked him. He was staring at you, though, until you returned it. Only then did he watch his friend.

Nishinoya held the keys up and jiggled them in a 'Fuck you, I'm not that irresponsible' manner.

"(Y/n) left her phone somewhere."

Your face was a little warm at how stupid it sounded when it was coming from somebody else. You weren't usually forgetful, especially over something like your phone. Asahi's presence must've clouded some critical thinking skills for just long enough to misplace it.

"It's probably up where we found the cooler," Asahi suggested when there was clearly no phone in the golf cart, "I can drive us up there, no big deal."

You rubbed some stress out of your face and groaned at how ridiculous this all was. Leaving this, leaving that.

"And what if it's not?" You muttered, mostly to yourself. You started spiraling at the idea of never finding it again, arms crossed as you stared with contempt at the musty little golf cart.

Asahi placed his hand over your head, onto the roof. The cart gave hard on one side under his weight. He spoke closer to your ear as he leaned down to toss a water bottle into the seat, "Let's not worry about that, yet."

It was enough to convince you not to argue, at least. You were torn between thinking about all his signals and the obvious problem at hand.

The drive there was very quiet.

Nishinoya decided to stay back because he wanted to play a game pretty badly, and finding a phone didn't take three people.

Asahi didn't try to pry when he saw how upset you were. The only thing he said to you was to drink some water because it was so hot.

You couldn't just pay for a new one. Your parents would be pissed. It was hard enough justifying this trip when you weren't on the team, anyway. If you lost your phone, or if it was broken because Nishinoya decided he wanted to Tokyo Drift a fucking golf cart over it? Your life was over.

What if you had to quit the club and get a job? You would never have the excuse to talk to Asahi again.

When you finally made it back to the hotel, you jumped out before he could even roll to a stop in order to start searching.

He took his time parking it while you retraced the very few steps you had taken earlier.

You were so desperate that you started searching where you knew for a fact you had never been, before. The ignition switched off from a distance, and tears were starting to prick your eyes.

"I've got it," He called.

You jumped right up.

"Thank god! Where did you find it?" You sprinted to him and swiped it from his hand, a mixture of relief and excitement taking over your movements. After checking its condition to make sure it was okay, you spared a glance up to him, a big grin across your face.

It fell just a bit when you found a kind of... reservation all over him, one that seemed out of place for such good news shared between friends.

He was different. He didn't share in your celebration at all.

"My pocket."

It didn't hit you right away. You laughed, somehow convinced that it had gotten there in an honest mix-up, but searched his face when he didn't laugh, too.

"Uhh," You put it back in your shorts, frankly unable to figure him out, and joked to clear the air a little, "You- you didn't feel it in your pocket earlier?"

The thought that it was intentional was so out of left field that when you briefly considered it, you shook it off right away. There was no motivation for him to take it. Maybe Nishinoya would, or Suga trying to be friendly or funny. Asahi didn't play jokes or tease like that.

"I did," He said, quiet. He was looking to the side, watching the ocean from here.

It was far. The beach, the net, were all far away. You realized he had parked the cart so that it wouldn't be in the way if somebody was checking in.

The puzzle pieces were clicking together, one by one, just before he said the final clue for you, "I told Daichi don't wait up for us."

Shit- he got you alone on purpose.

♕VIP♕

@integers @yuchacco

*reply to be added to the taglist *part two will be out TOMORROW- i had to split this because of ungodly word count

(i learned this word today woo!) *porte-cochère: a covered entrance large enough for vehicles to pass through, typically opening into a courtyard.

my masterlist. requests open.

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depresssant · 11 months ago

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title : 'santa maria' aquamarine

yan!gojo x painter!reader

synopsis : he had never spared you a single glance before, but now here he was talking about getting you an aquamarine necklace to match his eyes

—————

“oh, [name]? yeah, that loser always holes herself up in her room."

your older sister's voice could be heard from a mile away with how obnoxious she sounded.

well, she wasn't wrong.

sighing, you tossed your paintbrush into its cup and took a step back to look at your half-finished work. you spent an entirety of a week on it, not bothering to step out of your room unless it was to change the water in your cup, get food, or clean your paintbrushes. the painting was of a faceless woman in black walking in the opposite direction of all the colorful people as rain stormed from the clouds. she was the only one that didn't have an umbrella.

it reminded you a little of you...

who were you kidding?

the woman in the painting was you.

in the world of jujutsu, you were just a non-sorcerer that could only see curses. your family was a famous and potent clan who's pride was their cursed technique, so to have been born without one was a bad omen in itself. you were to be discarded, ignored, and shunned from what was considered a 'normal society.'

even your own family participated in such a trend, and you had soon found yourself turning into a hermit of sorts. what good did it do to even show your face to the world if the world didn't want to see you? it was a lost cause⏤one that you refused to believe in any longer. living like this until you turned eighteen was really the only option left for you.

you nodded in satisfaction⏤it was a rare occasion for you to be satisfied with one of your pieces⏤and moved to begin cleaning, but all of a sudden, your door swung open as if it was kicked down.

the sight that greeted you made any wisp of happiness you had crumbled away.

"[NAME]!"

when were the two of you on first name basis?

gojo satoru, in all his glowing glory, stormed into your room like a hurricane with a grin that reflected heaven's light itself and a bag of sweets from a bakery you knew all too well. he shut the door with his foot⏤why did he close the door⏤and avoided all the stuff you had laying across the floor before placing the bag on a clear part of your desk and tossing himself onto your bed.

"i've missed you so much, you know!" he whined and grabbed the dinosaur plushie situated in the crack between the wall and the edge of your bed. "you kept it!"

Only because he forced you to.

you sighed in disappointment and grabbed all your cups and paintbrushes to place them in a plastic container headed for the bathroom. "what are you doing here?"

"geez, is that any way to talk to your fiancé?"

"burn in hell."

"whateveeeeerrr! i got you your favorite. the chocolate chip cookie croissant!" the white-haired man rolled his eyes like this was simply playful banter and not literal words from the depths of your heart. he grabbed the bag and after rummaging through, pulled up some packaged good.

how did he know that was your favorite pastry?

"thank you," you murmured back in reply. "if that's all, please leave. i'm sure sister wants to see you."

you grabbed a paintbrush with a smaller tip to begin adding the little details to the painting, but gojo didn't get the hint. he sat on your chair and looked up at you to watch you paint. there was a smirk on his face that told you he knew something you didn't, and it got under your skin like a parasite.

"stop looking at me like that."

"like what?"

"i said stop looking at me like that!"

"ugh, fine! you're no fun! how are we supposed to spend the rest of our lives together if you act so cold? you know... i know tomorrow is your birthday."

... shit.

your hold tightened on your paintbrush, but you sighed and shrugged. "okay? and?"

"I just wanted to ask because i know emerald is your favorite. we should've went shopping for it before the wedding, but i figured that since you didn't like going out, i'd just get them myself. what type of ring do you want? emerald? diamond? ruby? oh! i should get you one of those, uh, santa maria aquamarine gems! it matches my eyes, aaaannnndddd we can make it into a necklace for you!"

emerald? diamond? a wedding ring...

not a ring. a curse trapping you with him forever.

you remembered not too long ago when he had asked you if you wanted to wear a western styled gown or a traditional kimono picked out by his mother, and you thought he was joking. he had hated you for so long⏤going as far as to making your life physically hell, but then he strangely flipped a switch? you were supposed to believe that the man who scarred you as a means to rebel against your future marriage with him suddenly jumped in excitement at the sight of you? a man who didn't bother to glance your way for seven and a half straight years before finally talking to you willingly just magically knew all your likes and dislikes, the future dates on your calendar, and every contact on your phone?

damn it.

why did your parents pick you to get engaged with him instead of your sister?

"[name]? are you ignoring me again?"

huh?

"no! no, i'm not!" you lightly shook your head, but the damage had been done.

gojo rose and took off his glasses as a menacing look in his eyes was pinned on you. he grabbed a hold of your waist, hugging you from behind so tightly you felt like your ribs would shatter. his cheek rested on your shoulder, and the words that he whispered in your ear felt like your doom being set in stone.

he tightened his hold on you as a hand came to wrap around your throat.

"i don't think you know you're mine."

and he squeezed.

"forever."

#jjk #yandere jjk #fem reader #x reader #gojo x reader #yandere gojo #yandere gojo satoru #male yandere #yandere #arranged marriage #depresssant

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murphysletsdraw · 4 days ago

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I really love the texture in your paintings!! I also use gouache but getting a nice texture with clean lines is something I've struggled with, do you have tips or specific techniques you use?

Thank you!!

Thank you so much!! I'd love to help - I'm self taught wrt painting so I have no idea if my approach will make sense to anyone else. I'll tell you what I do and why and you pick and choose whatever (if any) of my thoughts might be helpful ^^ I find that zooming in close on my subject makes textures much easier to capture, because more detail can be included without the picture looking noisy. It also saves me from having to make so many decisions (what to include, what to leave out, how to simplify and just suggest texture), but tackling every challenge at once is not a good way to learn anything. Maybe stick to close ups, or extreme close ups, to practice your textures, and then practice making judgement calls on what to include and what to leave out! Both parts are important, but they are somewhat separate concerns (IMO) I go over most areas of a painting many, many times. I build up many layers of paint, re-wet the area to blend them together, paint over it if I change my mind about something... Any "clean" line I make is often made up of 10+ strokes. I kind of creep up on detail, instead of trying to get it perfect once - I just find that the nature of the paints respond better to that. (And my hands often tremble, so that has to be accounted for) For example, the white highlights at the edges of these leaves I repainted I don't know how many times - I only made the decision to stop once I realized I was getting caught up in the joy of those movements of the wrist....

Because you can cover up areas well (at least if you cover with many layers), AND you can re-wet the paint to blend it or shape it differently, I find gouache very forgiving and I rarely start over a piece. A lot of times this messing around will bring up something fun I didn't expect, too! So I don't approach gouache like water colours, or expect a smooth surface on the paper, or paint in a style that requires anything to look good on the first stroke of the brush.

^^^ those are my palettes. I don't clean them... ever... I just wet my brush to loosen the pigment and add paint as I need it. I started working like this because I didn't feel I had the money to spend on paint, and then I built my techniques around that as I learned. So I rarely premix my paints, I usually pick whatever is closest and then mix colours on the paper. That means my focus isn't on getting the colour right, but on getting the values right. When gouache dries, it looks dull, so you have to over-shoot the mark wrt to values - make your darks darker and brights brighter. Go bold! I'll give some examples

^^^ with this painting, I think I succeeded wrt textures and values (and largely because of that, colours). I found this log in a big bush, so the light was very dappled under all those leaves. I added lots of small, very bright strokes on the bark where the sunlight landed the strongest, and kept most of the rest dark and flat-ish.

I initially added a lot of detail to the bark even in those dark areas, but then painted over them to lead the eye to the brighter areas. But since gouache doesn't give GREAT coverage, you can still see small brush strokes in there that add some texture. So it's rarely important to get things right on the first try! I think these ^^^ progress pictures do a pretty good job of showing how I tend to go back and forth on how much detail/contrast to add in any one area...

^^^ I'm not so satisfied with this painting in hindsight. My usual approach of mixing on my "canvas", lots of layering and trial and error looks muddy here and detracts from, rather than adds to, the result. The white flowers should be more uniform, bright and clean in colour, with shade added sparingly and with precision. The reds, oranges and yellows needed to be mixed fresh on a clean palette, because those were supposed to be the stars here and yellow is the most finicky colour, it can't take a beating like blue can... but I digress. The textures suffer for the same reason. Each individual flower has too much detail, too much texture, and they cancel each other out. My last piece of insight/advice is: approach textures like play. Like finding bunnies in clouds, textures suggest things, and that game of association or single-player-telephone is where you'll find YOUR approach to stylizing what you see, and how you'll share YOUR interpretation/imagination of the world with us.

^^^ the original mushrooms didn't literally have those colours, or those swoops and dots... but I saw them there, and I brought them out and exaggerated them, because I used my brush to "play mushrooms". It wasn't exactly conscious decisions, either - I didn't decide to make this shape and not that shape, I didn't look at anyone else's style or mannerisms. If it's difficult to access that confidence to play on a subconscious level, make up some exercises to bring it out consciously. DON'T go looking at other people's choices and try to incorporate them into your own "style". "Style" is only interesting when it's an expression of someone's vision, and everyone has to explore their own vision. Inspiration from other artists is most useful when it reminds you of just how much is permitted, how far you can push the boat out. I think the same goes for learning techniques from other artists. My number one piece of advice for art generally is to divide your time into just learning (practicing techniques, following guides, making studies) and just making (sitting down to create and play, with or without a plan, entering flow as quickly as possible and shutting up your inner critic wrt execution). And that goes for the details, too - if you find someone who's art you like, who can explain how they work with textures in a step-by-step way (and I might make a guide like that, but that'll have to be another day ^^), by all means try out their methods. But when you're CREATING, try not to stop and think, try not to aspire, and try not to lean too hard on other people's methods. So! That was maybe not super straight-forward or strictly on topic, but it's the best advice I can give off the cuff! If there's interest, I'd be happy to sit down and analyze my own decision making when I paint and then I'll be better able to make a how-to guide of "first this, then that". But for now, I hope these thoughts are useful, and thanks for getting me thinking on such an interesting subject!!!

#dogboynecromancer #tutorial #tutorials #art tutorial #my painting #my art #gouache #gouache tutorial #well sort of...#questions #i realised half way into writing this that I have a migraine so idk if it's even coherent.#but if I let illness stop me i'd never say or do anything so...

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bunnivez · 1 month ago

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-ˋˏ 𐔌 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐒𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐞 !! 𐦯 ˎˊ-

⟡ ݁₊ . 𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫’𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 ! — Accidentally deleted this post, I want to shoot myself, thankfully I had it saved on a doc LOL.

“Oh baby, how about this dress? Or this one?— Oh you’ll look the cutest in that one too!” Chelsea chirped as she kept on picking a bunch of dresses and other outfits. One would think she is shopping for herself but they’d be wrong.

“Em, are you sure it isn’t too much?” “Oh don’t be ridiculous kitten, mommy can easily afford all these pretty dresses for you. In fact, I can afford more, anything my baby wants.”

Your face flushed at her words, even more when she started caressing your cheek and rubbing your bottom lip, “How about you try all these pretty dresses and put on a show for me, hm? You can also decide which ones you like best.”

“Alright then.” You agreed and grabbed the dresses, heading to the fitting room to try on all the pretty clothes for your sugar mommy.

It was fun honestly, trying all sorts of outfits, and doing a small twirl here and there for her, it brought a smile to her face and it was just beautiful. Chelsea not only has the money, but she has the beauty. Her soft long hair, that sweet look on her face, the way she talked softly to you.

“So pretty kitten, that dress looks so lovely on you, it’s your color!” She exclaimed. She took a closer examination, taking note of the details, “I think you should take this one, what do you think hm?”

Smiling softly you gave her a peck on the cheek, “I love it, can I please have it?” Such a sweet thing you are, the way even though you didn’t have to, you still asked; you’re just so precious.

“Oh baby you know you don’t have to ask, just tell me you want it, and ‘ll buy it for you sweetheart.”

Thank goodness no one was around, it would’ve been awkward with how touchy Chelsea was getting. Although that woman had no shame, she could be wrapping her arms around your waist and smothering you with kisses like she is now, in public.

You couldn't help but giggle at the sensation of her kisses, her soft lips brushed against your cheek, the warmth of her breath igniting a sweet thrill within you. It felt like an eternity before her lips finally found yours, their softness was intoxicating as if sweetness itself had come to life, it was a sweetness you wished you could make last forever

With a giggle, you pulled away, “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, anyone can walk in on us.” Chelsea smiled teasingly, “Oh, embarrassed of me now?” She joked. “Alright, alright, I’ll behave myself… for now at least.” She added and booped your nose.

“Now how about we pay for your outfits and go to get you some jewelry? After all, we need some pieces that will match your lovely new clothes!”

“Another store? Jewelry? But you got me a very pretty necklace yesterday—” “And who says you can’t have more?”

You honestly pray for your legs with the amount of walking and stopping you’ll be doing every time a nice store catches Chelsea’s eye.

⟢ 𝐛𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐳 ᵎᵎ — do not repost, plagiarize, translate, or adapt any of my works without my permission and or confirmation.

#path to nowhere #ptn #ptn x reader #path to nowhere x reader #chelsea #ptn chelsea #chelsea x reader #countess chelsea #chelsea ptn #chelsea path to nowhere #path to nowhere chelsea #countess chelsea x reader

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a-sweeter-solarsystem · 2 months ago

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Hey so I've been doin something neat lately :)

I made a pattern for some ghost plushies and have been having so much fun making a bunch of them and playing with different techniques for each one. Lowkey tempted to open up a commission slot for them on kofi because I love making these lil guys!!!!

Also!! Even better!! Some of them make sound!!!

Some behind the scenes and intros about each of em below the cut for those interested!!

Okay so!! Oldest of the flock to newest: Flower (White Ghost), Yellow Ghost, Red Ghost, and Mardi (Nonbinary Flag Ghost).

When I first made this pattern Flower was my little trial run to figure out how everything fit together. And as such, I got a little mixed up with all the pieces and accidentally added an extra fin onto her

So! Flower was named accordingly and I spent an extra 20 minutes carefully ripping the seam to sew her the correct way (ﾉωヾ)

Yellow ghost was next and I started playing around with something to cover up the center piece. I was really struggling to find a good way of stitching it on that wouldn't result in visible stitches/awkward positioning, and so I used an extra ring of black fleece to hide it. Honestly turned out looking really cool and I'm still pretty happy with how they turned out! Just wish I was a bit cleaner with the hot glue.

Red and white ghost was all about playing with acrylic paint to see how it'd react with the fleece. It takes some layering and I think I'm gonna be looking for a different paint to try since I'm not a fan of how much I have to layer it on in order for it to be opaque. But! The laurels could've turned out worse! They also make sound as well (darn you tumblr in only letting me upload one video at a time)!

Mardi, my nonbinary ghost, is the newest to the flock and I adore how they turned out. I named them because their colors kept reminding me of Mardi Gras, and so I named them after it. I've been itching to make ghost plushies based off of pride flags ever since I got a better at making sure every piece of my pattern fits together properly. The fins are all 3 pieces each, but for Mardi I had to cut one of those pieces in half, sew it together, then sew one white and one purple part to make the fin have the color differences you see above. A little scary but it turned out really well!! I also finally found a method of stitching I like for the core so yay! No more visible stitching!

I plan on making a trans flag one next, and maybe one inspired by a progress flag too at one point. A lot of pride flag ghosts require some careful mapping of fin colors so we'll see how much detail I can squeeze into these little guys <3

#destiny 2 #destiny fanart #destiny fan art #fanart #fan art #plush #destiny 2 ghost #destiny ghost #plushie #stuffed animals #plush toy #go back to work lukas #genuinely if people are interesting in commissioning me for these send me a message i have so much extra fabric lying around #i will make more of these and that is a threat (/lh)

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blue-jisungs · 1 year ago

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museum crush

author's note. wish i could say it was based on a real story but it was definitely inspired by one lol!! when i was in a museum in rome there were two guys and they entered briefly after me ,, we just kept awkwardly looking at each other lol it was so goofy because we passed each other all the time and i could hear their comments on the art … it was so cute lol but they left before me so … anyways . . . . . .

summary. in which a visit to a museum results in a sudden surprise

peaceful silence filled with the air conditioning pleasantly humming in the room surrounded you. your eyes were scanning the beautiful painting in front of you. all the details, the way the oil paint slightly shine due to the lamps and – something you adored – the gentle cracks in the canvas. they only added originality to the paining and showed the age of the–

“this one looks like mark when he wakes up early…”

giggles reached your ears and you turned around with a small smile.

two guys entered the museum after you. you were walking quite slowly, appreciating the art around you and all the small descriptions. sometimes you passed them and the other time, they passed you. exchanging looks while you walked by, you couldn’t help but smile at their little comments or poses they stroke while trying to recreate the characters on paintings or sculptures.

“shut up”

you scoffed and moved on to another room slowly, the sound of your footsteps echoing in the spacious room.

you heard some whispers and then silence.

watching and adoring the art, you moved to the stairs to go to another floor. that’s when you heard their voices again.

“dude… stop”

“this is so awkward”

“you’re the one making it awkward–“

you shook your head and finally arrived to another room: the one you were most excited about.

after walking into the room and going to the left, they moved to right. while you were still feasting your eyes with one of the stunning paintings you’ve ever seen, they were done and moved to you.

“just, um… we’re not following you, if you’re wondering” a voice rung behind you.

you turned around, shocked, only to meet the cute guy. his wide smile was quite contagious, mischief sparkling in his eyes. his friend, however, hid his face behind his hands and pretended to look the other way.

“you’re pretty cute, so i don’t mind” you hummed and instantly regretted your sudden confidence. the guy, though, seemed to like your response.

“pretty cute? but more pretty or more cute? ah, why not handsome?” he cocked and eyebrow and you just chuckled

“more cute” you smiled and pointed at his friend “he looks like he just waits for the ground to swallow him”

“he’s just… no fun. but uh, we’ll keep going. i just wanted to let you know. see ya in another room, maybe…?” the guy sent you a boyish look and almost immediately got dragged away by his friend. all you could hear was the whisper-shouting conversation they had:

“she called me cute, renjun!”

“yeah but… w h y…”

“because she is cute too!”

“well, okay but– oh woah! this is the sculpture i told you about!”

you let out a shaky breath, not truly believing what happened.

you passed each other two more times, each time exchanging looks with the guy who talked to you. his eyes lingered on you instead of the art, his friend’s words of praise about certain art pieces felt deaf on his ears. the stranger was mesmerised by you.

stepping into the souvenir shop, you were kind of disappointed that your ways will part. scanning through some overpriced magnets, you felt a tap on your arm.

there he was again, with his boyish grin.

the man handed you a postcard and winked, catching up with his friend.

the postcard was showing the art piece you were looking at when the guy approached you. cute.

then you turned it around and gasped, heart thumping in your chest.

in a room full of art, i’d still look at you. if you ever want to go together (without my nerdy friend), let me know ;)

xxx-xxx-xxx na jaemin :D

masterlist <3

taglist. @l3visbby ,, @laylasbunbunny ,, @planetkiimchi ,, @dazzlingligth ,, @w3bqrl

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roosterforme · 2 years ago

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Always Ever Only You Part 12 | Rooster x Reader

Summary: Asking your friends for help when you need it is starting to feel good instead of scary. Even listening to Cat open up doesn't sting like it once did. Bradley starts to have an ominous feeling about his upcoming mission, and when the details are revealed, he's left wondering what his career will be like in the future.

Warnings: Angst, swearing, fluff

Length: 4400 words

Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader

This was written to accompany my series Is It Working For You? along with a bunch of my one-shots and other series, but it can be read on its own! Check my masterlist for the reading order. Always Ever Only You masterlist. Gorgeous banner by @mak-32

There was truly something to be said for the way you felt after you talked to Dr. Genevieve. Even though your period was a few days late, and you had been holding out hope, you didn't go quite to pieces when it did end up starting. Sure, there were some tears as you opened up a new box of tampons, but you didn't dwell on it as much as you had the past several cycles in a row.

In fact, when you thought you couldn't take the physical pain of your cramps and the mental pain as well, you called Maria. You told her that you didn't want to be alone and asked if she could stop by. And she came over with a backpack and some donuts.

"What's in the bag?" you asked as you bit into a Boston cream.

"Clothes for tomorrow," she replied, petting Tramp while she ate a chocolate donut with sprinkles. "I figured I could sleep over."

"You don't have to," you whispered, now feeling a little embarrassed.

But she just shrugged. "I've been a little lonely, too. My new roommate has never been as fun as you were."

"Nobody is," you added, biting into a second donut. You figured you earned it, since you'd started to get back on track with what you were eating. "Thanks for joining me in the cafeteria at work."

"Thanks for actually coming to lunch. Cam is hella boring to eat with every day."

You groaned and headed for the couch with a bottle of wine. "Ugh, I left you hanging with Cam. I'm sorry." You were going to be better about taking care of everything. Yourself, your marriage, Bradley, and your friends.

Maria just laughed and followed behind you with two glasses and a corkscrew. "I love him, but he's still a dude. And just inherently dumb. He can't help it."

The girl talk ended up spiraling into a great weekend, and when you went to work on Monday morning, you still felt good. And Bickel had been a saint, not acting weird or giving you too much distance at all since you broke down hard in his office. Sure, maybe he was asking you how you were feeling with a little more frequency, but he kept your workload the same and never questioned anything you handed in to him.

And then there was Cat. Since you kind of blew the Jake thing up in her face, she'd been very quiet. Jake was still claiming nothing was going on now, but you'd never have been able to get an answer out of Cat one way or the other. And now you were thinking maybe you should have just minded your own business. Because Jake seemed melancholy, and he hadn't actually ended things himself even after he learned about Uncle Hondo.

"Good morning," you said to Cat later in the week when you walked into the lab. She seemed surprised you were greeting her.

'Hi," she responded, slipping back into her usual state of calm immediately. "If you're about to ask about the calculation set, I'm almost done. I just need another hour or two."

"No rush," you replied. "Um, actually, I was wondering if you wanted to join me for lunch today?"

She eyed you skeptically. "In the cafeteria?"

You shrugged. "Or my office?"

When Cat didn't respond right away, you wanted to kick yourself. But then she said, "I feel like you and I just keep getting off to bad start after bad start with each other. I'd like to eat with you, but I don't want to go down to the cafeteria. At all. Just looking at Lieutenant Seresin makes me want to hide."

"Care to elaborate?" you asked cautiously.

She just smirked. "Sure. Over lunch. In your office."

---------------------------

Bradley had stripped down to his underwear and gym shorts, and he was currently trying his hardest to meditate on his bed. Bob had spent the last several weeks patiently trying to explain to him exactly what went into it, but Bradley would reach a state of calm and then inevitably get distracted.

He cracked his eyes open to see Bob in a state of complete relaxation on his own bed. Something about this just didn't work as well for him, and his brain was buzzing, so Bradley reached for his notebook instead. There were too many things he wanted to write down. It felt like he wasn't going to be able to stop emptying out all of his feelings now that he started, and after several weeks, the notebook was mostly full.

The desire to be at home was overwhelming. Thinking about eating homemade Marry Me Rooster with his wife perched on his lap was all that was getting him through this deployment. As soon as he was home, he'd make sure you knew exactly what you meant to him. There were no conditions on his love, and he was embarrassed and crushed that maybe he made you think there were.

He only had a few more weeks to go. But things with the mission were looking abysmal. Slayer and Charmer were getting worse to deal with by the day, and the way the admirals praised them was beyond ridiculous. Like the shiny, new aviators were somehow better than the ones with more experience. Like Bradley, Nat and Bob couldn't keep up now. It was hard to keep believing that the admirals would actually put the best team together to complete the mission.

"Wow," Bob suddenly said, stretching his arms over his head and removing his glasses. "That was a great session."

"Yep," Bradley agreed, nodding as he scribbled in the notebook. "Really good, Bob."

But the other man was already pulling the bedding up to his shoulders, and Bradley knew he'd be asleep soon. "Good for you," he muttered, returning to his notebook.

Nat and Bob were so good to him, this deployment should have been a breeze. And it had improved since he got to talk to you over facetime in the commanding officer's quarters, but he thought he'd go ahead and start a countdown in the notebook anyway. Just eighteen more days until he should be arriving back in San Diego. And he was hoping like hell he would get to call you again before then.

But a few days later, he still hadn't been selected for another facetime session. And Bob and Nat got called out onto the tarmac after dinner for a repairs inspection that was performed on their Super Hornet. So Bradley headed to the gym for a workout by himself, and the room was thankfully fairly empty. He put in his ear buds and got out his phone. He selected the playlist you made for him last year called This is what a gym playlist should sound like, Bradley and he smiled.

Pretty soon he was sweating, working his way through some bicep curls, when he saw Slayer out of the corner of his eye. He would ignore him. No problem. Only two weeks left to go. Only a few more days until the mission. "Do not engage," Bradley muttered to himself.

But of course he couldn't control what Slayer decided to do, and the idiot wandered over toward him. And then he snatched his phone off of the bench, and Bradley was on his feet immediately, still clutching the fifty pound dumbbell in his left hand.

"What the hell do you want?" Bradley asked, plucking one ear bud out. "It's bad enough I have to see you in the classroom all day."

Slayer just laughed, and Bradley realized he was staring at his lock screen. "Just wanted another look at your wife. How much younger is she, old man? She got a grandpa fetish or something?"

Bradley's fingers tightened around the dumbbell, and he wished he'd given more of an effort to meditating with Bob.

He was seething. And then Slayer asked him, "You know what? Why don't you just give me her number so I can keep her warm next time you're out of town?"

Bradley had to fight the urge to throw the dumbbell at him. "You talk an awful lot for someone so stupid."

"And you strut around like you own the place for something who can barely fly."

Bradley's blood was boiling now. The admirals had pumped these kids so full of bullshit, there was going to be no arguing with him. Instead he snatched his phone out of Slayer's hand and pocketed it. "And you're slow as shit versus an old man. Now get back to your bunk, it's almost curfew for the children."

Slayer smirked at him as he backed away toward an empty weight bench. "Just wait. You'll see."

--------------------------

You had made it this far, you could make it two more weeks. But you got your period again, right on time. And you knew it was ridiculous to get choked up when you had to get the tampons and pads out again, because Bradley wasn't even home. You hadn't had intercourse since he left six weeks ago. You knew there was no way. But just the idea of knowing another cycle was ending had tears stinging behind your eyes.

When you heard the doorbell, you quickly washed your hands and rushed out to where Tramp was practically howling at the front door. "Chill out," you told him. "You'll be happy. You loved him last time."

"Hi," Cat said as soon as you opened the door, and you saw Hondo pull away in his green Chevy. Jeremiah was in her arms, and once again, he smiled when he saw you. Things at work were a lot better, including having several nice conversations with Cat.

"Sorry, little guy," you said softly as they came inside. "No Rooster this time."

Cat laughed. "I think your dog will suffice. He loves animals."

When you closed the door, you watched Tramp follow them over to the couch, and then he started licking Jeremiah's little hands nonstop while the baby laughed. "If he's annoying, I can put him out back for a bit."

"No," Cat said as she and her son both laughed. "This is great." And then Jeremiah broke free from her arms and stood with both hands on Tramp. And you swore your dog had never been happier either.

A little pang of sadness struck your heart as Tramp looked all too delighted at the attention he was being given. You were searching for a safe topic of conversation. Cat had been joining you for lunch on occasion, which was great. But now you found that you had so many friends, you needed to juggle your time with them. Cam and Cat were a little awkward around each other. And Cat wouldn't tell you exactly how she felt about Jake, but you knew Jake was sad and Cat was avoiding him.

So you asked her, "You still feel like hiding from Jake at work?" It seemed like a safe enough topic, and you almost laughed when she covered her face and collapsed dramatically against the arm of the couch.

"Please! You keep asking me about this!"

"I'm curious by nature," you claimed. "And you never really told me anything."

She glanced at you as Jeremiah went crawling across the floor after Tramp. "I'm still embarrassed that I even kissed him in the first place. Uncle Bernie and I had it out several times about all the push ups, but he was just trying to take care of me. And I know that sounds like an excuse, but... keeping someone like Jake away from me is probably his top priority while Jer and I are living with him."

You tried to keep your composure, because you and Cat seemed to finally be getting along, but you just couldn't understand why she wouldn't give Jake a chance for real. "He's a good guy, Cat. God... I can't even tell you how many times he's helped me out and made me feel safe."

She turned to face you where you sat at the other end of the couch. "He's exactly like my ex husband. A cocky, handsome aviator who is too smart for his own good."

You shrugged and kind of nodded, because that definitely sounded like Jake. "Well whatever your ex did to piss you off, I doubt Jake would be the same. Are you afraid he won't accept Jeremiah?"

She swallowed hard. "I'd rather not even find out where he stands on his opinions about my son. And listen, there's a reason why my ex husband never met Jeremiah. And it's the same reason I never let him know our son's social security number or where we ran off to. I'm sure he has a hunch that I was able to transfer to Top Gun, but Mike is definitely too scared to come sniffing around for more while I'm with Bernie."

You shook your head in confusion. "Come sniffing around for more of what?"

"Money," she said simply, but her jaw was set, and she looked ready for a fight. And you should have probably known all along that there was more than what she had told you over the past few months. You were pretty sure you were the only one who even knew about Jeremiah, besides Bradley and Cam. And if Cat was the type of person who took their time opening up to people, you were surprised that you were the one she was talking to about this.

"He wants your money?" you asked softly.

Since she borrowed your car, you knew she didn't have one, and she said that she was broke. But your jaw dropped open when she said, "Mike was dishonorably discharged from the navy for showing up to work drunk and drinking while on base. He tanked his own career, and nobody in Annapolis could even look at me the same after that."

"Why would he do that?"

She laughed, but she looked like she was going to cry. "Because I told him I was pregnant."

Jeremiah was laying on his back now while Tramp licked his neck, and he was giggling up a storm. "I'm so confused," you told her. "He didn't want you to get pregnant?"

"Well he told me he would be happy to have kids. But by the time I told him I was pregnant with Jer, he had already opened four credit cards in my name. He had already lost all of our savings. And he knew I was going to find out about all of it as soon as I mentioned us opening a bank account for our unborn child."

"Oh."

When she met your eyes, she shook her head. "He has a gambling addiction." You watched as she wiped at her cheek. "I used to own a beautiful house," she said, glancing around longingly. "I had a car. He and I had money saved. But he managed to lose all of it, plus the credit card advancements in my name. I owe more than half a million dollars in money that I didn't spend. Money that I never saw. And that doesn't include what I've paid to my lawyers. Mike did all of that while I thought we were building a life together."

"Holy shit," you whispered. You felt nauseous just thinking about it. And you were suddenly even more thankful for Bradley.

"So yeah... cocky, headstrong aviators might be my type on paper, but I can't get involved. And I'm sorry I was leading Jake on. But, it's not just him. I can't get serious with anyone when my life is a trainwreck that I will never be able to recover from. I'm going to be spending the rest of my life trying to make sure this doesn't all fall to him," she said, nodding toward where Jeremiah was now crawling back toward the couch with Tramp following right behind him.

"I'm sorry," you whispered. "I don't know what else to say except that you didn't deserve any of that, and neither did Jeremiah."

She reached down to scoop him up into her arms as he yawned. "Yeah well, I hope you're smarter than me. I hope you had a prenup."

You sat quietly and watched as she kissed Jeremiah's forehead and reached into the diaper bag she brought with her so he could eat some cereal. Cat had been honest with you. She told you months ago that she was jealous of you, and now you knew why. You had all these things that you were taking for granted.

For some reason, you thought she ought to know that you'd been jealous all along, too. "You still have something so good though. Something I wish I had."

She looked at you like you'd completely lost it while Jeremiah ate some Cheerios. "What? A marriage that ended in shambles and a career that is hanging on by a thread? Or the inability to ever have someone take you seriously in a relationship ever again?"

"No. Jeremiah."

She looked at you, and her face dropped. "Oh." And maybe she realized that meant you and Bradley had been trying unsuccessfully, but you changed the subject before she could ask any questions.

"But that doesn't matter, really. And you know, there are some things we do have control over here."

"Like what?" she asked, and when you smiled softly, she smiled back.

"Jake. I think you might be surprised by him, Cat. I think he'd be good with Jeremiah."

"No," she replied right away. "I'd rather not even find out. Besides, it's already too late with Jake. Even if he was going to stop sleeping around, it's done. He asked me out at least fifteen times. And I said no at least fifteen times."

"If he asked you out again, would you say yes?"

You jumped several inches when your doorbell rang again, and Tramp ran for the door like he was a professional guard dog. "We didn't even order a pizza yet," you said as you stood. But the closer you got to the door, you thought you knew who it must be, and you answered it anyway.

"Angel," Jake drawled, bending to pet Tramp who immediately turned into a puppy again at the prospect of pets from one of his favorite people. "Just thought maybe you'd want to get dinner and head to the Hard Deck later?"

When you didn't respond right away, Jake pushed the door open wider and let himself inside. Then you watched him freeze up as he saw Cat sitting on your couch with Jeremiah in her arms. "Cat."

She looked absolutely mortified as she stood up, but she had nowhere to go. She was reliant upon Hondo coming back to pick her up, and Jake was staring right at Jeremiah. "Jake," she said so softly, you could barely hear her across the room.

He huffed out a short breath and ran his fingers through his hair, past the scar on his forehead from the last time he was deployed with Bradley. You weren't sure what you should do, but then he simply said, "You have a kid."

Cat's chin was in the air again, and you knew she wouldn't let Jake or anyone else say one negative thing about that child without consequences. "His name is Jeremiah."

"Jeremiah," Jake repeated, and two sets of matching dark eyes were looking right at him before Jeremiah yawned and fell asleep on his mom's chest. "He's adorable."

Cat sank slowly down so she was sitting on the couch once again, and she looked like the fight was gone, almost like she was exhausted now. You nudged Jake in the ribs and then reached for Tramp's leash where it hung near the door. "I'll be right back. Just going to take him out." But nobody was listening to you. Once the leash was clipped on his collar, Tramp pulled you out onto the front porch. You caught one last glimpse of Jake taking up residence in the spot on the couch you'd vacated, and then you closed the door.

You puttered around the yard with Tramp before deciding to just walk him down to the beach and back. But the early spring air was chilly when the wind picked up across the sand, and you wished you'd taken a minute to grab Bradley's sweatshirt from the hook as well.

Playing a comparison game in your mind would get you nowhere, you knew that. Everything Cat told you was completely fucked up, but she had to know how that Jeremiah was worth it. And you knew that Bradley was enough, even if it was just the two of you. But now you were a little worried about Jake putting his foot in his mouth.

When you hustled back down your block, shivering as the breeze picked up some more, you saw that Jake's car was still in your driveway. And when you cautiously let yourself back inside with Tramp, you found Cat and Jake sitting very close together on the couch. And Jake was holding Jeremiah while he slept.

-------------------------

Bradley knew it would be a short call. The mission was scheduled for a few days from now, weather depending. But if he was allowed even five minutes with you, he'd take it any day of the week.

When you answered his facetime call, you were sitting in your office with your lunch in front of you. "Roo!" you gasped, dropping your fork into your burrito bowl. "I miss you!"

"I miss you, too, Sweetheart."

He watched as you turned to someone off screen and said, "Okay, thanks."

"Who are you eating lunch with?"

"Cat," you replied quickly, and he was a little surprised by that answer. "She just stepped out into the hallway so we could talk. Please tell me you'll be home on time, Bradley."

He smiled and said, "Haven't been notified of any changes, so I think so. Please tell me you got plenty of hot sauce in there."

You laughed and tipped your lunch so he could see all of the green hot sauce. "Absolutely. You know how I like it."

"I do," he replied softly as he examined your face. Beautiful. Just gorgeous. And you looked so much happier now. You looked like you'd been sleeping better.

"I wish I was sharing my lunch with you."

He nodded. "I've been thinking a lot about our dining room. And how it feels so good to hold you on my lap while we eat a meal off of one plate."

You gasped softly. "I've been thinking about that too." When your eyes drifted closed, you added, "And how you wrap your left arm around me and kiss my neck while he eat."

"Baby Girl." His voice was raspy, and he was aching to be with you right now. "We'll do everything."

But he only had one more minute with you, and he wanted to know how you were doing. When he asked, you said, "I can tell you when you get home. Tell me about the mission."

"I can't say much. Teams get selected tomorrow morning. Flight is weather dependent. You know the drill."

"I do. I just want you to be safe," you told him softly. "Need you to come home."

"I'll be there so soon. I love you."

And after that, he still felt so good as he got to the classroom a few minutes early the next morning. Admiral Dean smirked at him as he took his usual seat, and the room started filling up. Other than the fact that he had to stare at the back of Slayer's head, he was ready to get this mission in the air and get home.

"As you well know," Admiral Dean started, "the final details will not be set in stone until the day of the mission. So we are left with two options, and we need to be clear on both of them. Option A: the two teams will fly in formation and strike the communications tower first before proceeding to the enemy base. This is the preferred option as we would be removing multiple streams of communication first, but we may need to switch to an alternate flight path if they have too many aircrafts in the air. So that brings us to Option B, in which you will strike the base first and then loop around to the communications tower."

Bradley's brain was literally numb from listening to this information over and over again. He understood the importance of what needed to be done, but this was overkill now. When he glanced at Nat, she looked like she was on the verge of falling asleep. Until Dean spoke again.

"If there are no questions, that brings us to team selections. Four aircrafts will be flying this mission. We've chosen the best, and I am already convinced of the success of this mission. The teams will be as follows: Slayer will be paired with Phoenix and Bob."

His heart sank. Shit. That was supposed to be Bradley's pairing. Fucking Slayer. But it probably didn't matter too much if he was flying alongside a different two-seater, just as long as he was in the air with his friends. Really, all four aircrafts were responsible for keeping each other safe, so he wouldn't be too far from them at all.

"And the second team will be Charmer paired with Terror and Mack."

It took a second to register. But slowly, it seemed like everyone in the room was turning to stare at Bradley. Admiral Dean looked smug. Nat and Bob looked distraught. And Slayer looked damn near delighted. Then Charmer turned to him and laughed.

And Bradley had the fleeting thought that his career was over. He was the oldest aviator in the room by a few years. Maybe he was wrong. Maybe he was falling short with proving himself in the air just as he had been messing things up on the ground with you. And that sick, embarrassed feeling in his stomach was there to stay as all those thoughts took up permanent residence in his mind.

-----------------------------

Oh. That stings. That really hurt my feelings. Bradley could fly circles around them. And how do we feel about Jake? Cat? Jeremiah? Thanks @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls

PART 13

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abstractfrog · 7 months ago

Note

HI I JUST SAW YOUR INCREDIBLE SHERLOCK AND CO COMIC YOU MADE AND I WOULD LOVE FOR YOU TO TALK ABOUT THE PROCESS AND THE SYMBOLISM AND INTRICACIES AND EVERYTHING PLEASE ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

GOD THANK U ok if i actually talked about EVERYTHING i would be here forever and ever, there were things about the process where it kept surprising me and i kept adding stuff.

I talk about my general comic process here , it started out mostly the same for this one. Analysis of the script, sketches, panel and colour blocking

The scene from Mr Sherlock Holmes presented me with a unique challenge (for me) because...usually I pick scenes from the podcast that are instantly visually stimulating. This scene is NOT that. It's sort of unclear and confusing and even the emotive narrative is sort of hard to pick out. Those things I had to sort of decide for myself. It's hard to draw a whole scene like this without first deciding what the scene is about, what its purpose is. If you go back and listen to the episode along with the comic you'll notice all sorts of changes and tonal shifts - that's because of me and my decision making.

I decided that the direction I wanted to go in was to show John having his realization about himself, his podcast, and Sherlock, showing him getting pulled into, yes, Sherlock's world, but also the world of the podcast as an adaptation. I knew i could do this just with colour, but if you've seen my other comics, you know i almost always use colour to show shifts. I guess I had some insecurity about doing the same thing over and over again so I pushed myself to think of other ways I could accomplish it visual. Enter: rendering technique

I will say I didn't expect this effect to make John seem so SAD and MISERABLE, i only wanted to show him getting pulled in, but its effective for his emotions in this scene as well. Scanning drawings into the computer sort of flattens the paper texture, so I started adding photos of the pages of A Study in Scarlet to make him feel more paper-y. And then, of course, realised i could use that to further elaborate on John's inner thoughts, backgrounds, and motivations. People are welcome to interpreted that how they like and i've seen a number of variations, but to me it operates on sort of a meta level, showing the inevitability of what John is going through. He's a Watson, he's always going to follow Holmes, he's going to try and figure him out, and that's why you sort of see a back and forth between acd and pod Watson, highlighting the ways in which they are similar, and then, John breaks off and becomes his own character, still with those foundations but also entirely different.

there's one piece of text that i haven't seen anyone pick up on or mention and I'm starting to think it's gone unnoticed because it's in an unexpected spot. I won't mention what or where because it is, for now, a very indulgent little secret.

I notice a lot of people are getting a kick out of Sherlock playing with the speech bubbles, which I am so pleased by because I almost didn't do it! I thought i was maybe breaking something in the comic but it was so fun that i didn't care and I'm so glad it came across well. It operates on a lot of levels, it shows his thought process, it plays into that fourth-wall medium play i've got going on, and it feeds into the web metaphor as well as visually showing him roping John in.

on the topic of Sherlock, I feel a lot of people are rather focused on John, which is understandable (he's the main event) but Sherlock has a lot of details I love too.

For instance, him pushing his hair back and putting on a coat when the officer arrives, almost like he's shifted modes, and then his hair falling back down when he gets excited and John starts to understand.

I really love this moment of Sherlock seeing John's potential for interest in mysteries when he's trying to solve the matter of what Sherlock Does, and being surprised and flattered for a moment (until John messes it up again)

John copying Sherlock's pose <3

There's deliberate things in the character design as well, things like the fact that once John comes into colour, it reveals that he's actually wearing more colour than anyone else in the scene, and the fact that the grey in John's hair only appears post-greyscale. Things you are welcome to read into. And there are, of course, the socks, which I've seen people pick up on.

Those are the main things for now so i might leave it there, but thank you so much for your ask and i'd be pleased to elaborate further on absolutely anything!

#sherlock & co #sherlock and co #thankuuuu i lvoe yapppingggg #seeing people pick it apart has been so satisfying and validating im so pleased with how it turned out and how people are reacting to it

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cochineal-leviat · 1 year ago

Text

Sweet Dreams, Stardust

Okay, so I have a lot of feelings about In Stars and Time. But let me say first, wow, this game irreversibly changed my brain network. For anyone who is considering buying this game, please do. I don't think I've had a story touch my heart and mind like this for a long time. And that goes without mentioning the stunning visuals and entertaining battle system. (Be careful, though, because this game handles heavy topics regarding mental health)

If you're still hung up on buying it but are curious, there is a free demo on Steam if you like to try.

Thank you, @insertdisc5, for this gem of a game. I will be turning it around in my head like a microwaveable gourmet meal for months to come.

Technically the illustration has no spoilers (unless you count Siffrin having a good nap as a spoiler). But I will be going into heavy spoiler territory under the keep reading since I need to get my thoughts on this game off my chest.

And a monochrome version because you know me, I can't help myself. Even in black and white art pieces, I will put in some colour.

And a very tiny Loop

Initially, I was going to do a piece with a theatre stage and the cast (Siffrin, Mirabelle, Isabeau, Odile, Bonnie and the head house maiden) taking a bow and finally leaving the spectacle to a life not controlled by a script and Wish Craft. But it was more fitting to put my feelings into creating a peaceful scene. Like, oof, I needed this very badly. I used sepia to make the painting warmer and added some more details like headcanons. The stars/colours might be remnants of Siffrin's transformation. Or maybe they were always there, but he never paid attention to it. Who knows.

I'm going to keep this brief. Otherwise, this post will take way too long.

I adore Siff's character. It's perfect for a game and narrative such as this. I saw a post not long ago on Tumblr going into depth about how their role as the rogue and not the hero works so well, so I won't linger on it for long. But how they would rather listen and fade into the background perfectly aligns with the player's experience of being the silent observer. (And the nodding off that changes into zoning out. It took me way too long to realise that small but essential narrative change) Oh, and the portrait change! It flew over my head until I was staring at the game menu. I was so confident Siffrin had a mischievous grin and not a frown. I always feel slightly surprised when the party asks for Siff's opinion or mentions that they have been too quiet. I felt Siffrin's excitement like my own when he got excited at finding clues to end the nightmare they were in. So I knew it would end up falling on their face because they were too excited. I just had this bad gut feeling the whole time during Act 4.

And oh boy, speaking off acts. I thought it would have been the standard 3. Boy, I was wrong. Whenever I felt I was nearing the end, I was thrown back at the start with more mysteries than answers. It made exploring the game intriguing since there is almost no information about it online (at the time of writing this post). There is the Discord, but I didn't know about it until I finished it.

This game has a lot of secrets, and I had a lot of fun uncovering them. The looping mechanic works so well in discovering little details and further leads. (even though my stubborn arse kept trying to do everything in the least amount of loops as possible. I thought the ending would be different if I exceeded a 100. My final number is 59. I am still not sure if I should be mad about it not being a rounded number like 60 or that I went over the 50 threshold)

However, it is a good thing that only some mysteries were solved. Like, what's up with colours in this world? Everyone sees in black and white, and the idea of shades and colours is only spoken of in scientific studies. They do exist and are not a part of the disaster that happened to Siffrin and their land. But there is definitely something mysterious about it. I adore how the dialogue reflects this, as the characters do not speak of shades or colours. Isabeau expresses surprise to see a streak of red colouring the sky in Act 6. It makes you think about how colour is perceived and how you describe it. (The lore inside this game is immaculate. I eat this shit up)

We never find out the name of the country north of Vanguard or what it was like. We can only infer that the beaches had black sand, with shells that shine like stars, high-reaching mountains, forests and plains. Which is vague and yet intriguing enough to make you wonder. It connected me to Siff and King because I also wanted to know. I was desperate to know. I needed to know. But in the end, we never will know because that is not the story's point. Siffrin even says in the game, that King should let go because he is hurting everyone and everything, including himself, in his desperation to preserve Vanguard. This is all the more ironic when Siff accidentally does the same with his family and the loops. I might gush more about what the country might be like and their technology in another post. This game makes me want to theorise. This is the first time I've wanted to write and post theories. ISAT fucked me up good.

Which, by the way, was genius. Siffrin and King are mirrors of each other. Siff does not have King's disastrous ambition, but their love/obsession will be the downfall of both of them. They have more than being each other's countrymen in common, and I imagine Siff despises that.

I love the fact King's question to Siffrin before the showdown was/could never be answered. Usually, in a game such as this, you must figure out how to solve everything, especially for the big bad. But that was never the goal. King is a delusional monster who will not stop before achieving his dream. He will raze everything to the ground and hurt many people because he must succeed. It is what he desires. Nay, the universe wills it. What a witless excuse that can easily be made into someone's truth. Especially to somebody who is driven mad with grief.

How King's character's done is so excellent. Because, at first, I wasn't scared of him at all. He was just the big bad, and I felt nothing much but the glory of victory when Siffrin outsmarted him by looping and making sure Mirabelle learned the shield spell that would protect the party from freezing in time. But each time you fight him, you get more frustrated until Siff figures that talking to him might be fruitful. It does, but unfortunately, you and Siffrin leave yourself emotionally and mentally vulnerable. King stops being a one-dimensional villain and changes into an actual person. Someone you can sympathise with and possibly mend peace with without fighting. You and Siffrin opened his heart for a kindred spirit and got hurt.

King stopped being a monster and became human. And while monsters are wretched, humans have intent behind their cruelty. I felt so betrayed, so angry, but most of all - terrified. I felt it when Siffrin spiralled when fighting King again after their actions caused such a catastrophic turn of events for Bonnie. Every time after that, the fight with King felt tense and nerve-wracking in a dreadful way. Because even victory could not soothe the dread I felt. (The track 'It's finally over" will forever haunt me. I already feel anxious whenever it cycles to that when I listen to the playlist)

He was not, however, the final villain, even though everything that happened was King's fault. You were always your greatest enemy (or Siffrin in this case, since you are supposed to be Siffrin). I never could have guessed that the whole reason why Siffrin could not escape the loops was because Siff accidentally wished to never let go of their friends. This reminds me of Modaka Magica, where (spoilers for the OG anime) Homura goes back in time so much that the universe ties itself around Modoka, making her a waiting egg whose wish and magic will be massive when she becomes a magical girl. The one thing Homura was trying to prevent.

(Siffrin and Homura are identical in that sense. Shy characters who are loyal to a fault but are rendered into something cold, bitter and cutting by their traumatic experiences. Only Siff has people who care about them and would do anything to save him, too, whereas Homura never lets go, making the world a worse place to live in. Yes, I did go into doomed Yuri. That anime lived in my mind rent-free in my mind for years)

The Head House-maiden not being the villain was also a great touch. I am used to the apparent antagonist turning out not to be the big bad and the trusted, friendly character ending up being the evil one. Twist villains no longer work when everyone expects them to be villains.

That was my biggest theory as I played. The second biggest being that Loop is someone who enjoys Siffrin's suffering. I am so glad that was also not the case. They are apathetic but not cruel. Never intentionally, anyway. They were like the player, urging Siffrin to go deeper into the mystery to solve it. Ultimately, I chose and made cold and cruel decisions simply because I wanted to see what would happen. So yeah, I warmed up to this cosmic star thing as the game went on and even started trusting them. Act 5 really is a punch in the gut. I am so sorry, Loop. Thank you for coming through in the end.

Oh man, this is so long, and I haven't even gone into the main cast. I will leave that for another post. They are such great characters, as are the people of Dormant and the House. (Don't think I don't see the wordplay in this game. Very clever)

Going into this game completely blind was the best experience I could have had. I felt anxious, happy and scared so severely that my neurons were rearranged. I don't know if there are more endings (aside from the obvious action of attacking Odile in the True(?) ending of the game), but I am taking a break from it to make art and write for this game before I dive back into despair-o-land.

Anywho, thank you for coming this far and reading my ramblings. Have a fantastic day or evening further! o(*'▽`*)ブ

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