#this was something i really felt was lacking in inquisition

[raezlove]

Dragon Age: The Veilguard

I finished it after 90 hours over the last week. I did all quests and side content available to me and was pretty thorough with notes and momentos. I was hooked from the start, definitely saw why the writing got criticized during the middle, and then was continually surprised by the end sequence.

For me this was a solid 7/10 game if looking at it from a linear story game rather than a branching rpg.

Thoughts below. Some spoilers.

Starting with some general categories then moving on to larger issues I had.

I’d say the majority of the voice actor performances were really good. There were moments throughout where they weren’t great but that was combined from the very cringe/generic writing. But when the characters needed the emotion for a moving scene, I felt it. Even characters I, at the time didn’t care for or were biased against, the voice actor’s performance made me hurt for them.

Companion cast had some gems as well as some underwhelming members. For me I was taken by Lucanis, Emmrich, Neve, and Davrin as characters. They still weren’t spared from poor lines throughout though. Bellara came around for me by the end as I had initially been biased hearing she was incredibly annoying but I also didn’t have her in my party very often for gameplay reasons. Taash and Harding I also rarely took out for gameplay reasons nor did they pull me in as companion characters.

Companion arc quest lines I enjoyed them all well enough but I liked Davrin and Harding’s the best for world and lore building,though I admit the actual quests for Harding felt lacking to me. The map locations also didn’t feel utilized as they were only ever seen those couple times. Bellara’s quest was also interesting for lore but other than the ending, which was not unexpected, felt mundane to me. Lucanis’s and Emmrich’s were decent arcs though they didn’t feel like anything groundbreaking, it just helped that I had already found their characters compelling. Neve’s was very underwhelming to me which was disappointing because I initially was quite intrigued by Neve. Taash’s was done as well as they could’ve with the direction they decided paired with their safe writing. I mean no disrespect for them wanting to include a gender queer story but something about this didn’t land. I saw someone else say it but the modern lingo in this fantasy setting made it seem out of place just for the sake of it. I don’t know how they could’ve implemented that aspect of Taash better but their writing and performance came across too stiff at times. ((This is not an issue of including lgbt characters, rather how they are written and if they are pushed to be defined solely by that one sole aspect of their identity))

Art design and world direction was never an issue for me even from the trailers (except for that first one where I thought I was watching a live service mobile trailer). I don’t mind brighter exaggerated designs or flashy colors. Nothing stood out but nothing was bad either, it was just an average design to me. As mentioned above though there were specific locations I felt were underutilized and sometimes felt included just to make the map seem bigger. I liked the character designs but outfit choices were definitely not my favorite and I wished they had an all black outfit for Rook but that’s just an irrelevant personal wish.

The callbacks to Inquisition were something I was incredibly curious to how they would handle and was looking forward to. For transparency, my original Inquisitor romanced Solas and refused to give up on him so I was holding out for my Solavellan heart to be fixed or at least something that dulled the ache. The Inquisitor appearances were about what I expected. Lavellan shows up a couple times, sends some letters, then shows up for the finale. I did get my Solavellan ending and while selfishly I wish it could’ve been more, I think it was adequate (though that kiss animation left something to be desired). It felt like an appropriate end for my Lavellan who was so sad and beaten down for so long after losing someone she loved with her entire being and after having the weight of so many people looking to her for guidance for the last decade when she never asked for the responsibility in the first place. She finally got to save her person and leave the world’s problems to someone else. As for Dorian, I’m not sure if he shows up/is mentioned more if you saved Minrathos but his appearances kind of felt unnecessary. I loved him in Inquisition but he didn’t feel properly utilized in the Minrathos story lines I saw. He could’ve just been a name in letters and he would’ve had the same impact.

Main Story was a trip. Overall I found it intriguing and compelling, though sometimes it dragged or some missions were boring. I enjoyed Ghilan’nain and Elgar’nan as villains though Ghilan’nain was more interesting with her molding the blight. Elgar’nan was compelling as a direct comparison to Solas with their pride and arrogance. Their dragons were cool though I really wondered how we were supposed to fight Elgar’nan’s dragon after seeing its size. The end solution did make my jaw drop but also made me chuckle after because I can’t imagine how else they would’ve had the player fight that. Again, I’m biased as I loved Solas as a character for all his complexities and flaws so I enjoyed any of his scenes and appearances. I especially enjoyed the story’s direction in terms of regrets and guilt. Prison sequence was a highlight to be sure. I will also say I really wasn’t expecting them to commit to main companion cast consequences at the end considering how safe they had played it to that point.

Gameplay was a welcome improvement to me over Inquisition. I played Inquisition for the first time about 3 years ago as a mage but I played it again in the last year as a rogue. Both times I played on easy difficulty because I found combat such a nuisance. I am biased as I prefer combat systems more in the realm of Witcher 3 and Breath of the Wild so this fit in with that if a bit busier. I played my Rook as a mage and I tended to use the ability wheel rather than the shortcuts because I needed the time to process and think about what I wanted to do, also the fact I kept switching companions and their abilities depending on the situation I couldn’t remember what abilities were mapped to what buttons. Dodge and parry didn’t feel the best, although I admit that could be fully on me (especially parry). For parry it constantly felt like there was a delay in pressing it though it could very well have been made worse depending on which tv my Xbox was connected to. My issue with dodge was the fact that after a double it basically left you halted with no momentum. Again, very possible it’s just a me thing and I need to “get good” but for how much certain encounters were chaotic enough to be constantly dodging it did become annoying especially if you get hit once and then get caught repeatedly. On normal difficulty as a mage, fights usually felt fair and doable with some more challenging than others depending on wave size or vulnerability paired with specific companions. There was only one fight in a miscellaneous side quest for a haunting that I got too annoyed with and even after trying multiple companion pairings I lowered the difficulty to just get it over with because I couldn’t be bothered. For a random side quest with no real story or likely payoff it didn’t feel worth it.

Now for the largest problem I had with this game: it’s gall to call it an RPG. I don’t expect or need Balder’s Gate level in every RPG game. But this didn’t feel like it even met the level of RPG that Inquisition offered. Whether it was world choices or companion choices very few things felt consequential. For the world, I can only think of 2 or 3 choices that I felt would have any change on the world one of which is literally just a 50/50 of which city is getting destroyed. And of course for the others you never saw or heard and real consequences or reactions aside from initially following the decision. There was nothing that made me second guess myself like deciding to forgive or banish the wardens like in Inquisition, who drinks from the well, the inquisitions fate. And for companion arcs, the choices all felt underwhelming and more a direct effect on gameplay/rewards than any story ramifications. There was never a moment that felt like it mattered to the companion story or their future interactions with me or others. Nothing that felt like it mattered like making Bull choose between his friends and the Qun, encouraging/dissuading Cullen from taking Lyrium, or having a hand in choosing the new Divine. A common thought I had throughout this game was it seemed really hard to get a “so and so disapproves”. There seemed to be more instances in Inquisition where decisions would inevitably be both approved and disapproved by various characters so it was never going to be a case of pleasing everyone. I remember seeing the disapprove notification maybe three times in Veilguard. The critique of the dialogue wheel is also very valid. There is no real choice as all options typically lead to the same outcome just with a different line. You can’t even really be mean or an asshole from what I could tell. Options were sincere, joking/less serious, and stern. None of this I think would’ve mattered as much if it weren’t for the fact this was advertised as a choice based RPG when that just isn’t the case and going in with those expectations is bound for disappointment.

As a last issue it had to do with romance. I liked Lucanis. I like him as a character and I like the voice actor’s delivery. There were lines of his that made me giggle and smile. But the overall writing of the romance and their moments sometimes came across as awkward with the subpar writing. There also wasn’t the same charm I got from Inquisition when at the base. Part of that comes from the lack of actual interactions of being able to talk with your companions in the lighthouse. I hate to keep comparing it but in Inquisition you could still talk to the characters even if they had no new dialogue. In that, you’d have the moments where Solas would call you vhenan or speak Elven or like in my second with Cullen you always had the stealing away for a kiss option. It just felt warmer in a way where in The Veilguard I would get a random one off line when I stood in front of Lucanis and, while some of them were sweet, the lack of player input and interaction caused more disconnect.

So overall as a game I think it’s a good buy assuming you go in with the right framing of what you’re going to be getting. A competent story, some interesting characters, good performance, good gameplay marred by a good helping of juvenile safe writing and lack of choice.

[hot-wolf-summer]

how are there so many rpgs without companion sparring opportunities - like scripted or not give me the ability to dress my squad up in cute little outfits and let them train against each other in a ring or pit or something (i mean preferably i would like a cut scene of them rolling around on the ground but i’ll take whatever i can get)

[val-cansalute]

☆ 𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚌𝚊 ☆

sub!ellie x dom!reader

𝚂𝚞𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚛𝚢: 𝚈𝚘𝚞, 𝙳𝚒𝚗𝚊, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙴𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚎 𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚗 𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚑 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚜𝚒𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚜𝚗𝚘𝚝-𝚏𝚊𝚌𝚎𝚍 𝚔𝚒𝚍𝚜 𝚋𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚒𝚗 𝙹𝚊𝚌𝚔𝚜𝚘𝚗. 𝙽𝚘𝚠, 𝚢𝚘𝚞'𝚛𝚎 𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝙳𝚒𝚗𝚊 𝚒𝚗 𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚐𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙴𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚎'𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚠𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛. 𝙳𝚒𝚗𝚊'𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝙹𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚎 𝚜𝚘, 𝚘𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗, 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚠𝚘 𝚘𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚕𝚘𝚗𝚎.

𝚊/𝚗: 𝚖𝚢 𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚠𝚊𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚖 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚢 𝚜𝚘 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚖𝚞𝚝-𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚍 kind of shitty really bad 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝 that i absolutely despise but spent too long on to keep in the drafts 𝚠𝚑𝚒𝚕𝚎 𝚒 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚡𝚝 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚝e𝚛 𝚘𝚏 𝚋𝚎𝚢𝚘𝚗𝚍 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 ♥︎

It's been dark for a few hours now, light pooling into your room from the flicker of a candle and the red lava lamp you stole from Dina's room.

She's gone again and the apartment feels hollow. Still, you're sat at your desk working as the regimented tick of your clock beats on in the background.

A shuffle and the click of a door capture your attention.

Ellie's here. As per usual.

You let out a strained puff of air and swivel your chair around to face the source of the thud that’s now aggressively rubbing her eyes and sitting at the foot of your bed.

“Ellie.”

“Hm?” she croaks out.

“You bored?”

“Hmmm…” She finally looks up from her palms with slightly blood-shot eyes and freckled skin splotched pink to meet your inquisitive gaze.

“Dina said she was gonna watch Back to the Future with me and then she ditched me for Jesse… So, now I’m left with you, the roommate.”

“The roommate, huh? I see how it is. What if I beat your ass? Then what?”

Your attempt to lighten the tired atmosphere lacks much spark, but Ellie’s bored enough to bite. Her green eyes are illuminated by the dim glow of the lava lamp as she waves you off dismissively and, for a split second, they’re flecked with the purest gold you’ve ever seen.

You play it totally cool, with your arm strung over the backrest of your chair nonchalantly, as though you didn’t just witness a scene that will be burnt onto your retinas and play late at night when you’re trying to sleep.

“Pfft, like you could fight anyone.”   

You scoff indignantly, mock offended, and stand up from your seat, leaving it spinning behind you.

“Uhhh, at least I got meat on my bones.”         

“Yeah! And absolutely none of it is muscle.”

“You askin’ me to unleash the beast, E-bone?”

God, you become the biggest dork around her… It's like you both morph into your thirteen year old selves, sitting on Ellie's disheveled bedroom floor after school and bickering about anything and everything until Joel yells up about dinner being done.

Times were simpler. Then, you got older and the buzz you felt each time your hands brushed, which was so easy to downplay, gradually became gaping - virtually impossible to ignore five years down the line. Once the door was open, there was no looking back.

Didn't help that Ellie only got hotter and hotter.

The thought of losing her over something like this makes your stomach writhe inside you though, so you keep the fantasizing to a minimum. Kind of.

The apples of her cheeks puff out rosy in an unrestrained grin, as she announces,

“Bring it, dude. I’d like to see you try,”

“I’m gonna rip your non-existent balls off,”

“Oh, I am just shaking with fear!”

“Fuck off, you little greaseball,”

“Pfft, please, that’s just my aesthetic appeal. You’re gonna have to try harder than that to insult me, bud.”

Your mind flurries with a million responses but the beckoning of your open laptop, begging for your attention before the fast approaching deadline, cuts through the buzz with ease.

Unfortunately, you can’t just ignore it this time. You’ve got less than twenty four hours to complete the soul-draining assignment, and you've spent the last few hours sighing periodically as you looked over the mediocre jargon you’d written so far instead of adding anything.

Great.

But it’s so tempting to forget about the essay completely and let go: focus all your attention onto doing dumb shit with Ellie like you usually do.

“Okay, I do not have time for this, I’ve got a whole ass essay due.”

Ellie sits up with an exaggerated groan, tugging you in by the arm.

“You always have something due!”

“Not always… And, yeah, Ellie! That’s college.”

“Dude. You’re either studying or working all the time and you barely leave this room.”

“Hey, I happen to think it’s pretty cozy in here.”

Ellie rolls her eyes before taking in the contents of the room, scanning the papers and lone items of stationery cluttering, no, invading your cramped desk space.

“Yeahhh… real ‘cozy’ in here. Do you ever clean?”

“Oh, big talk from someone who lives in a literal pig sty! I'm working so this doesn't count. Plus, it’s paper mess, not actual junk.”                 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. At least your bed’s comfortable…"

She turns her head to face you, watching your expression become slightly conflicted.

“Come on, dude, take a break from working for five minutes! Just five!”

You look back at her for a moment, at those eyes you desperately want to please even in the pettiest of situations, and sigh before sitting beside her.

“For the record, it won’t be ‘just five’, and you’re a bad influence on me.”

Ellie chuckles as the bed dips nearby with a soft creak.

“How am I a bad influence? I’m simply encouraging you to relax with me.”

The weird thing about your relationship is that, having been friends for so long, the bickering is intrinsically woven through every conversation you have, and it often leads to the kinds of petty arguments you're having now: the kind that you don't even remember the cause of.

“Uh, yeah?”

“You’re just jealous.”

“Suuuuuure-”

“Shut up, Ellie.”

“No.”

“You know what? Get out of my room.”

“Fine. Asshole.”

The kind of dumbass arguments that Joel would have to come in and alleviate without knowing the cause of either, because it was always something incredibly stupid anyway.

Joel's still back in Jackson though, while the two of you are miles away, and sulking's kinda pointless when there's no one around to see, so Ellie gets back up from her sprawled out position on the living room couch out of boredom and asks if she can come back in.

Same solution you used back when you were 12: you smirk deviously to yourself as you recall the memories before muttering,

“You can come in but you have to sit on the floor.”

Ellie scoffs, recognition evident in the unimpressed raise of her eyebrows. This pissed her off beyond measure back when you were kids, but now it weirdly brings on a sense of nostalgia, so she lets it slide, coming in and suppressing the small smile playing on her lips.

“Fine… Jackass.”

She lowers herself to the scratchy rug beneath your bed and leans against the wooden frame. She’s facing away like she used to too, always trying to avoid the embarrassment of having to look up at you. She still looks up over her shoulder at you with an exaggerated expression anyway though.

“Happy now?”

You look down at her and smirk.

“Very.”

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. You're really enjoyin' this, aren't you?”

“Yep! You know, you’re still so easy to work up. Must be pretty uncomfortable down there, huh?”

“Shut up, asshole. I’m waaaaay more cozy down here. This carpet's amazing; you're missing out. I could fall asleep any second.”

Ellie's voice rasps as she rambles on, looking up at you with those big eyes that make you weak in the knees, and you can't resist the urge to just reach out and ruffle the auburn tufts of hair laying chaotically on her head, smirking as you mutter,

“Whatever you say, sweetheart.”

Ellie’s cheeks almost immediately flush. Her gaze begins to flicker away from you, no longer so unaware of the intricacies of holding eye contact.

She opens her mouth in shock, and then her eyebrow furrow quickly to cover up with a scoff,

“You are such a dick.”

“What? I didn't even do anything!”

“Dude, you do this every time and it pisses me off! You can cuss me out one minute and say you hate me and then be all corny the next?!”

“Okay, that was in the heat of the mo-”

“Yeah, right, 'in the heat of the moment.' You say shit like that every time we argue and you don't even apologize. At least be honest.”

Her expression looks earnest and it makes your heart contract a little tighter, the hot bite of guilt nipping at your insides. But something else stirs too.

You hate how attracted you are to her when she’s frustrated.

This room, with the warmth of body heat and candlelight intoxicating you and the red glow that casts over Ellie’s pretty face, makes the gaze she holds up at you so sweetly drowsier through the obscurant of her thick eyelashes, makes the swell of her bottom lip as she releases it from a harsh bite seem so much more enticing, makes you feel like your inhibitions are strapped to a ticking time bomb.

The pull is electrifying - more than magnetic, and you'd give anything to lay your skin onto hers, to feel each touch, so gentle, ignite your skin, and embrace her wholly. Consume doesn't even seem too strong a word.

“I don’t hate you, Ellie. Here, come sit."

You shift aside and pat the space next to you, watching intently as she huffs and rises to her feet before flopping down beside you.

Unbeknownst to her, all her movements are so much more sensuous now - you’re trying desperately to ignore the sliver of skin that showed as her shirt rode up her stomach when she got up, but it’s almost getting painful.

So much so that you have to physically drag your mind away from it.

“Anyway, have you had dinner yet?”

Ellie blinks a few times, caught in the crossover between the two completely separate conversations as she fumbles her way through a response,

“No, not yet. I was planning on ordering something later though. Why?”

“I’m starving.”

She chuckles and you feel the tense disposition of your muscles physically loosen.

“Oh, you’re hungry, huh? You want me to order food for you too, don't ya?”

“And you’ll do it because you’re the absolute coolest, most awesomest person in the whole entire world, right?”

She smiles softly, "Alright, alright, tell me something I don't know."

As your eyes meet, something in you clicks into place.

Your heart is thumping erratically in your chest. She’s so close; her hands are so near. You could lean in ever so slightly and your lips would meet.

For some reason, something in you is saying that it’s now or never, so the petrifying thoughts of any possible consequence arise again.

It’s realistic to be scared. That’s why you pushed down these feelings away for so long. But, in a moment of clarity, you realise your relationship is strong enough to withhold something like this, even if it would be devastating if Ellie didn’t feel the same way. You’ve known each other since you were children, your childhood homes are only a few houses away from each other, all your friends are friends, and even your parents are friends. There’s no escaping this.

Even if it doesn’t go as planned, you have to take the leap or you’ll never get over her.

“Thank you, Ellie... God, this is gonna take a really long time though, isn’t it?"

“Pfft, you’re such a baby. It’s gonna take like 30 minutes max, just chill.”

You smile, the thumping of your heart becoming supermassive. You can feel it filling your being and surrounding you completely. Then, you mutter,

“Maybe we can keep ourselves entertained in the meantime,”

and the seal is broken.

Ellie is perplexed. From where she sits on your bed, you’ve suddenly become a lot more tense, and your gaze bears into her much more sharply than she’s ever noticed before. But it makes her feel weird… in a good way, and her throat runs dry as she raises an eyebrow skeptically.

“And how do you plan on doing that, exactly?”

You shrug,

“Can I try something?”

“I’m kinda terrified but okay,” she chuckles

You hum, falling into a rhythm, the nervousness so intense that it numbs you.

“Lay back for a second.”

Ellie’s eyebrows draw together with a burning curiosity, feeling a heat rise in the pit of her stomach which seems to answer her unspoken questions.

She know what’s going to happen now, but it feels so surreal, it can’t be.

She shuffles back and lays into the embrace of your pillows, surrounded by the sweet scent of your perfume. She’s been dreaming of this moment as soon as she realized she saw girls differently.

How could she not? You've always been right next to her, and you were perfect in every way - you are perfect in every way. You’re smart, funny, sweet, and she thought you were beautiful as soon as she saw you for the first time, gazing at you with her jaw dropped for, most likely, a few too many seconds. Then it happened again one day when she was 16.

You’d both gone out to get ice cream and she became enraptured by the hazed look in your eyes as the liquid dripped down your chin and over the smooth skin of your hand, your soft hair, tussled by the summer breeze. Her breath caught in her throat as she scrambled to look away. She knew there was no turning back.

But most of all, you’re the one she goes to before anyone else, and it’s always been that way. You’re the only person that brings her a different kind of peace, that indica high, calmer than she feels with anybody else. You’re her girl. Always have been; always will be.

All the playful flirtation and lingering glances - she’d never imagined would really result in this.

 “What now?” she whispers, her voice coming out quieter than she intended for it to, giving her away in an instant. She clears her throat but you can't help but play into her discomfort, pleasure woven through the feeling you get when you make her needy. You already feel a buzz from the fact that she’s not pushing you away or playing you off. This was only ever a daydream in the past, but so, so much better than you'd hoped.

“Don’t you worry your pretty little head about that; you just make sure you’re comfortable. Are you comfortable?”

She stutters through an answer, taken aback by the silkiness of your tone. God, she had dreamed about this so many times and never imagined you so like this, never imagined herself so submissive.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m comfortable… You… You aren’t fucking around, are you?”

“Fucking around? Gonna need you to be more specific, Els.”

She forces a gulp down her now dry throat, looking up at you and she mutters,

“Uh, I don’t know… Like… Like that one time you twisted my arm because you wanted to see-”

She hesitates, cutting herself off, her eyes drifting down to the curvature of your body that she’s wanted to feel for too long for just a split second.

“Can I touch you?” she splutters as soon as the thought enters her mind, overwhelmed with a sudden panic, her eyes flit up again to meet yours, flickering between each pupil in desperate search of any confirmation.

A shudder ripples through her body as your hands move closer, taking the lead before you give her the chance to. Her heart is racing.

“Can I touch you?”

She nods, almost too eagerly.

She curses internally.

You let your hand hover over her shoulder for a moment,

“Hmm, and where is it okay to touch you, Ellie?”

Ellie feels dangerously flustered. She tries to regain her composure, but it’s long gone out the window, and she’s like a handful of clay, soft and malleable, pervious under the sensational pressure of your fingertips.

“Anywhere.”

A soft smile graces your lips.

“Thirty minutes.”

You run your hand down her arm, grazing the skin gently with your nails and then down her stomach to her hip under her shirt, taking time to fully feel the gentle grooves and curves of her body for the first time.

“Is this okay, Ellie?”

She lets out a shaky breath at the feeling of your hand trailing over her skin, goosebumps rising in its wake. She swallows once more before replying, her voice unsteady.

“Yeah… Yeah, that’s fine. It feels… nice.”

“Hmm,”

Then, you place your palm on her ankle and begin to move up, ghosting your hand over her inner leg,

“I want you to tell me what feels good. Okay, Ellie?”

“Y-yeah. Sure. I can… I can do that.”

“Good. Good girl.”

You sit up and straddle her lap, and it catches Ellie off guard, suddenly feeling so much more at your mercy as you stare directly down at her, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her pink ear. Her breath hitches but she instinctively brings her hands to rest on your waist. You lean in to whisper,

“You look comfortable. Are you comfortable? I want you to feel good.”

And she tries to make sense of the fuzz in her brain to answer the influx of questions you’re asking. They’re barely keeping her grounded. Her hands move down to hold your thighs.

“Y-yeah, I’m good. You… You’re making me feel… good.”

“That’s good.”

Though you're dragging it out, teasing her because her neediness makes you wetter, eager to make her eager, you are just as needy, if not more. You're desperate to taste her, to be close to her, to feel her lips moving sensually with yours.

You place your hand over one of hers on your thigh and mutter, your words like the wisp of a feather caressing her skin,

“I’m gonna kiss you, Ellie, is that okay?

Ellie thinks she might die. The way her heart buffered in her chest once she processed your words felt too intense to not be her going into cardiac arrest. Either way, she's happy. What a way to go.

Somehow, all her feelings have culminated in this moment, in something she would never have expected, and her grip tightens to remind herself that that is really your body she’s feeling and this is really real.

She nods slowly, drowsy eyes meeting yours.

“Yeah… Yeah, yes, fuck, y-you can kiss me. Please.”

But, fuck, you just can't help teasing when she looks like she's yearning for you so sweetly that it makes your pussy flutter.

So, instead, you lean forward and kiss her forehead, listening to her labored breaths catch and watching her lips twitch in confusion when you pull back with your hands on either side of her head supporting you. You look her in the eyes and move one of them to caress the red stray hairs clinging to her face away.

“You look so beautiful."

“Th-thank you… You’re…”

It's obvious she's flustered, and it only makes you feel more high, so you pull back and kiss her cheek, mocking,

“Hm? You gonna finish that sentence, Els?”

“You’re- fuck… Y-you’re beautiful… too.”

“That’s my girl.”

You kiss the corner of her mouth and Ellie’s heart is beating hard enough for her to feel like her whole body is pounding as she squirms to lean into your touch.

“Y-your girl?”

“Yeah, Ellie.”

You lean in and finally connect lips, words blanketed by the contact.

“My girl.”

Ellie melts beneath you as you finally kiss her properly. Despite her usual nature, she finds herself completely powerless against the feelings coursing through her body. You’re completely overwhelming her senses, and you’ve never seen her like this.

She wraps her arms around your waist, and presses into the small of your back to pull you impossibly closer as she kisses you back deeply, losing herself in the moment.

You sink into her, deepening the kiss with impatience and roaming your hands along the expanse of her freckled skin while gently rutting your hips into her.  

Ellie moans against your mouth at the pressure, and you use the opening to circle her tongue with your own, making her body arch up into you.

She runs her hands along your sides, her fingers groping the fat of your ass as you grind against her. The sensations are overwhelming, arousal pooling in her underwear as her desire for more continues to grow.

“God… Please…”

You pull back, sealing your thirst with a peck on her lips.

“You’re so good for me, Ellie. You want me somewhere else?”

When she looks up at you, her eyes are clouded with desire. She can’t find the words to express herself properly, the intensity of the moment rendering her speechless, but she pushes through the fog,

“Y-yeah… I need you… more, fuck, please.”

It's blatant that your own arousal is overtaking your need to push her, so you lift her shirt up and place kisses along the soft, velvety skin of her chest, circling her pebbled nipples with your tongue. Ellie lets out a soft gasp at the warm and wet feeling, tingles erupting through her chest, and her body caves to feel the gentle pressure deepen before you get up from her lap and lift her thigh.

She watches you go with wide eyes, following you away by pushing herself up off the mattress in a subconscious attempt to remain close to you. You’re already looking back at her for permission before tugging off her sweatpants,

“You know something, Els?”

Her eyes are dark with desire and her response is hoarse.

“What… what is it?”

“I’m still really hungry.”

You push her leg up and place an anything-but- chaste kiss upon the fat of her inner thigh, watching her shudder and her eyes roll back ever so slightly in pleasure,

“Can you help me?”

Her breath hitches in her throat. She nods once, swallowing hard before replying.

“Yeah... Yeah, fuck. Just... Please,” she thrusts her hips up against you.

You run your fingers down her stomach, over the wispy auburn curls trailing down to her pussy and and over the damp fabric of her underwear, drunk off the sight of her flushed beneath you,

“Do you think you can handle that?”

Ellie's body tenses as she gasps out,

“Y-yeah, I can handle it… Fuck... You're making it really hard to think straight.”

You just smile as you drag her underwear down her legs agonizingly slowly before throwing it aside haphazardly. She watches you lower yourself in front of her pussy and it makes her throw her head back.

It's swollen and glistening, squelching quietly as she tenses above you in hungry pulses, and the exhale of a warm breath over it causes her to shiver. You chuckle.

Ellie bites her lip to muffle a moan, knowing how fucking pathetic it is that she finds it hot when you're mean, and that the breathy melody of your laugh only turned her on even more, when she didn't think that was possible.

“Please, baby…”

You run your tongue over your bottom lip and push your face in to kiss her protruding clit gently, feeling her convulse before you. She wants nothing more than for you to give her the release she craves but, before she knows it, you’re pulling away abruptly, and her throbbing pussy is left dripping again.

“Patience, okay?”

She strains out a scoff with the last shred of sanity left in her and mumbles,

“You're really testing my limits here,”

“What was that, sweetheart?”

Ellie meets your gaze with frustration, her body thrumming with need. Your teasing and the way you tower over her laying body are making her feel insane, making it difficult to get any words out. She swallows hard before replying, her voice slightly breathless.

“I said... You're testing my limits... Don’t tease me... Fuck, you’re such a dick,”

“I don’t think…”

You lean closer and run the tip of your tongue from her hole over her swollen pink clit, smearing her slick up crudely. Ellie squirms, her body taut with need.

“I don’t think I like your tone, baby, do you want me to stop? Is that what you want?”

Her eyes widen as she shifts into pleading,     

“No, no, don't stop. Please... I don't want you to stop. I'm just... Fuck... You're driving me crazy.

“I’m the one who gets to call the shots, okay, Els? I’m gonna need you to say sorry and then maybe I’ll consider giving you what you need.”

“Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please, just... I need you so bad. Please, baby, fuck…”

Ellie feels a surge of impatience, desperate for your touch and frustrated by your insistence on making her wait. She needs you, and she'll do anything to get you to give her what she wants, but what you want is to make her writhe. You kiss her forehead,

“Good girl,”

and then you crawl back to where you desperately need to be: between her legs, and push her thighs up to her chest before burying the lower half of your face into her core without warning, your tongue flexed erotically as you slurp the slick from her pussy like you're starving, flicking your tongue erratically and eagerly.

“Oh, fuck... Just like that... Please, don't stop...”

Ellie’s moans are sweet and debaucherous, with her hands scrambling for purchase, grasping at the wrinkled sheets beneath her when you thrust your tongue into her.

Your eyes never leave her face, watching the way she sinks further into the loss of control, mouth opening wider, eyes rolling back further. You slowly sink a finger, and then another, into her drooling hole with ease, feeling her pussy flutter around you.

The hold you have on her thighs is tightening mercilessly, but you're losing yourself too, untouched and squeezing your legs together to satiate your own ache.

Quickly, intoxicated by the depraved squelching sound filling the room and the suction of her walls taking in your digits, you plunge them deeper, in and out, in and out.

“Oh, oh god... Fuck, baby, please don't stop... Fuck, I'm cumming, I’m-”

Ellie arches her back, lifting off the mattress, her body tensing up as the pleasure builds to a peak within her, faster than you had anticipated. You keep your eyes trained on her, and they meet when she looks down on you, bottom lip red and raw, tugged between her teeth, eyebrows knitted in rapture.

She's completely captivated by you, her body trembling as she teeters on the edge of climax, but the sight of your half-lidded eyes gazing up at her knocks her over the edge with intensity.

She lets out a groan and then a cry of ecstasy, her body trembling beneath you as the intense waves of pleasure wash over her. You don't let up. She gasps for air, her hands rushing to your head to simultaneously push your face into her as she thrusts her hips against you, and pull you away by the hair as the pleasure becomes too much.

Her chest heaves for a moment before reaching a pinnacle in a soft sigh and, gradually, the room floods with silence. Ellie turns her head to gaze at you hazily, eyes honeyed with affection and exhaustion, and she grins toothily,

“That was... amazing... Holy fuck… You're amazing...”

Finally, you lift yourself up and hover over her.

“Yeah?”

Ellie wraps her arms around you, pulling you against her, and the tenderness of it all makes your chest fill with a tingling warmth reserved just for Ellie.

Her body still thrums with the aftershocks of pleasure,

Yeah... Yeah, that was... incredible."     

“You’re pretty cute when you get all flustered, Els.”               

Ellie blushes at your words; you hoped to draw that out of her, and she huffs slightly in feigned annoyance, though it’s completely half-hearted.

“Shut up.”

You chuckle, but it dies out quickly as she looks down at you longingly, elaborating,

“I... don't know if it's kinda late to say this now but... I love you... I mean, obviously, I do, but as... more than just a friend. I've known for a long time, I've just been too scared of ruining things to actually tell you-”

“Pussy-” Ironic.

“Shut up - you know, that is incredibly rich coming from- fuck, forget that, it's been... building for a while now, and, if you feel the same, I wanna take you out... Maybe, next Friday? Or whatever day works for you…”

She pauses before meeting your gaze, her eyes searching yours intently as she mumbles,

“Please say something. Preferably other than ‘pussy.’”

“Ellie.”

“Yes?”

“I love you too, as more than just a friend... I would love to go out with you and thanks for letting me eat you out. That was pretty awesome."

She grins stupidly,

“You're welcome, it was pretty awesome for me too.”

“Nice.”

Ellie smiles, the furious blush unfading on her cheeks as she studies your expression.

“You're enjoying this, aren't you, you little asshole.”                                                        

“Oh, absolutely.”                       

You place a gentle kiss on her freckled cheek and pull back to see the way she grins, but then her face drops.

“Fuck, I forgot to order the food.”

[amica-aenigmata-naboo]

In Time

Feyd Rautha x Y/N - drabble part 2 - 1.4K WC

Part 1

Masterlist

Warnings: holy fluff, like all fluff, literally nothing but sweet sweet fluff

------------------------------

You and Feyd stood across from each other in your shared chamber. The wedding had gone off without a hitch, it was much darker than you imagined. Darker in the sense that it was made well known that you were to submit to Feyd. You had not been allowed to see each other after the initial engagement and your thoughts were getting the better of you. You worried once the deed was done, once you were officially married and bound to each other, he might not be the man you met. The kind, inquisitive one who craved gentleness. Perhaps he truly was the Feyd Rautha everyone feared. 

You toddled your feet, looking everywhere but at him. He stepped closer and you instinctively took a step back. “My apologies my Lord Na-Baron.” you said quietly.

“Do not apologize. Are you scared?” he asked, remaining where he was. 

“A bit.” you replied, fidgeting with your hands.

“Of me?” he asked, you could see a hint of pain behind his gaze.

You flicked your eyes to him. He could tell without getting a verbal answer from you that you were afraid of him. He felt a small pang in his chest, and yet, he understood your hesitation. 

“I do not expect anything from you,” he reassured, “but… I would like to get to know you.” he said. 

You took a small step towards him, “… but… do we not have… duties to perform?” you asked shakily, eyes wandering to the bed. 

He could feel the fear radiating off of you, “No. Not until you are ready.” he said with certainty. 

You raised your eyebrows slightly, not expecting him to cater to you in such a way given how much pressure is put on the production of an heir. 

“Why don’t you bathe, change into something comfortable, and we can talk then? I’ll do the same… in separate quarters, for your comfort.” he said walking backwards towards the door.

You nodded, watching him walk out. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in before moving to the bathroom. You began discarding all the intricate accessories in your hair, on your neck, on your arms, and finally your dress. You looked at the black paint that was put on your body before the wedding. War paint. Was this marriage going to be a war? You ran yourself a bath, watching the black streak off your body slowly. You sunk down, letting the water envelope you completely. You felt peace here, underwater and away from everything. Alas, peace cannot last forever. Not on Geidi Prime. 

-----------------------------------------

Feyd re-entered your shared chamber. It felt sterile. Feyd could hear you in the bath still, so he decided to have the maids bring in different foods before activating different lights around the room, casting soft indirect light around. He sat on the sprawling couch in nothing but comfortable pants, his war paint also washed off his torso. He was on display and felt like he needed armor at this moment. He felt vulnerable. Lost in thought he almost didn’t realize the bathroom door slid open. His head snapped up, you wore the silken black night clothes the maids had left for you. Your face was bare and your hair was still damp; he had never seen someone so real, so beautiful. Speechless, he motioned for you to sit on the couch with him. 

“What’s all this?” you asked, looking around at the lights and different trays of foods. 

“I figured it might take us a while to learn about each other.” he said with a shy smile. 

You nodded, afraid to start the conversation.

“We shouldn’t hide anything from one another, agreed?” he said, grabbing a strange looking black fruit. 

You nodded, “Where would you like to start?” you asked him, keeping your eyes on him, trying to study him.

“What is your favorite color?” he asked.

You chuckled at the trivial question, “It’s black… more a lack of color really.” you smiled softly.

“Well you’re on the right planet if that’s the case.” he said.

You laughed at his comment, a true laugh. He had never heard something so enchanting. “I can ask anything, yes?” you asked.

He nodded, reaching to hand you a slice of the fruit he was eating. 

You took it graciously, ”Why are your teeth black? Only your darlings had black teeth from what I’ve seen.” you said.

“You know of my darlings?” he asked with wide eyes, as if he had been caught.

“I’m not stupid, I know the needs of bored men.” you said as you ate the fruit.  

“I dismissed them, they… they were concubines. Nothing more, I swear it.” he rushed out.

“It’s alright Feyd. Now, my question needs an answer.” you waved off his worries.

“I - I’m afraid it's a rather shallow answer… They are considered beautiful on Geidi Prime. Pure vanity I suppose.” he smiled, showing his blackened teeth. 

You nodded, satisfied with his answer. “Your turn.” you said as you picked up random foods to try.

“What else can your eyes do?” he asked, eating with you.

You smiled perkily, excited someone was interested in your invention. “Night vision, stunning, even managed a laser in one. Mostly they are for seeing but they have all sorts of ‘hidden features’. I particularly enjoy the thermal vision, helps me see what people are concealing.” you said showing Feyd each setting as you spoke. 

“Magic indeed.” he smiled. 

Throughout your conversation you shifted closer to him, hours passed learning continuously about each other. The conversation flowed smoothly, as if you had known each other for years.

“What are your scars from?” you asked, pointing to the scattered marks. 

Feyd fell quiet, fingers deftly tracing over a few of them. “The Baron is not kind. He… ever since I was small he…” you saw the hurt and hate in Feyd’s eyes. 

You nudged him with your knee but got no reaction. You softly pushed him back on the couch so he was relaxing against the back of it. You watched him with cautious eyes, you stood before straddling him. It felt slightly awkward at first but once you found your bearings you pressed him to you in a tight hug, arms wrapping around his neck to hold him. He wasted no time reciprocating. 

“You won't be hurt anymore, I swear.” you said to him before finally leaning back. Your lips were dangerously close. Your breaths mingled, both your eyes wandering between each other's eyes and lips. You leaned in, Feyd met you halfway. The kiss was soft, hesitant. Yet the longer it went on the more you craved him. You felt his hands slide to your hips, squeezing your supple flesh. You let out a small whimper, causing both of you to stop and stare at each other. 

You chuckled, “I have much to learn in the areas of intimacy, husband.” you said to him. 

Feyd chuckled, stealing a kiss before he responded with a hum, “Wife.” he smiled hazily. 

“Do you have other questions?” he asked, kissing your fingers softly. 

“What do you expect of me as your wife?” you asked, expecting him to say children.

“Nothing… except…” he hesitated.

“What?” you said tilting his chin up to meet your eyes. He looked… afraid. Something you never thought you would see.

“It is foolish.” he waved you off.

“Tell me anyway.” you asked, almost begging to know.

“Love… and even then I do not expect it but… I wish for it. For something I have never had.” his head fell, as if he expected you to strike him for asking this.

You cradled his face in your palms, “Who’s to say the seed of love has not already been planted between us? Who’s to say it doesn’t bloom more and more each moment I am with you?” you pecked his lips, eyes finding his when you pulled back. “We have both been neglected of love we deserve, of love we crave. I wish for nothing more than to love and be loved, Feyd.” you said in a genuine and vulnerable tone. You had never been so honest with someone and you doubt he had either. A smile graced his lips as he held you close to him. You messed with your wrist control panel before blinking, your pupils shifting into the shape of a heart.

Feyd laughed at your cute antic, “Magic eyed beauty.” he mumbled out. 

You laughed in return, “Fearless pretty boy.” you kissed his nose.

“Pretty?” he scoffed.

“Very pretty indeed.” you said, doubling down on your statement, hugging him once more.

-------------------------

Naboo's Note:

IDK how I feel about this, I wasn't planning on doing a part 2 but somebody requested it so let me know what ya'll think. Am I making him too soft? I can always write him a bit more psycho lol. Post again soon, XOXOXOXOXOOXOXXO

[riki-riks-chick]

Transition┃P.JS

vampire!jay x newvampire!reader(gn!)

Word Count: approx. 1.1k

═════════════

Third Person POV~

    It had barely been a week since it happened... Since you let him do it. He was impatient, and since you trusted him, you went with it. You let him bite you. At first he was hesitant, but he loved you, and the thought of having you at his side forever tempted him.

  Though hesitant, you were swayed fairly easy. Once it happened though, he had remembered how hard his own transition was and how he dealt with it. The immense pain, the urge to siphon the blood of the nearest human. Your many symptoms were all but foreign to him.

     It was dark, around maybe three in the morning, but you were wide awake. All your senses were heightened, and at the slightest sound, you awoke from your slumber. Eyes bloodshot and dark, you had found your way to the kitchen, hoping that with some random pills and a cold glass of water, you'd be at peace for the night.

    You stood in silence, only one light illuminating the kitchen as you leaned against the counter, a glass of water glued to your sweaty palm. "What are you doing awake?" A voice met your ear and you shuddered. A hand trailed its way down your arm, only stopping once it reached your shaky hand. You felt him, so close you could feel his breath on your shoulder. Goosebumps trailed from your arms and up your neck at the warm feeling of his breath fanning against your skin.

    "Jay..." You let his name fall loosely from your lips, setting your glass down before you had the chance to drop it as he snickered, his hand finding its way to your bicep where he tightened his hold on you. "You're dripping in fear... What's the problem?" He spoke, his tone deep and cutting as you sucked in a breath, trying your best to conceal your anxiety. He knew your ability to sense the people around you was weak, and he always used it against you. He pulled back slightly, wrapping his arms around your waist as he nuzzled into your neck. "Answer me.."

   "It's nothing..I just couldn't sleep.." You answered simply, trying your best to relax against him so he wouldn't feel your nerves. "Are you still in pain?" He was caring and concerned, humming inquisitively as you shook your head, mumbling a small, "I'm fine," to ease his worries. Truth is, every touch he laid upon you left a burning sensation in its wake. You were in so much pain. The headaches, the shaky hands, the weak knees, you hated all of it, but he promised it'd be gone in time enough.

  "I'm sorry to put you through this... I know it's hard.." He spoke with compassion and sincerity, something he often lacked in his speech. You were easily swayed by his soft voice and the smooth rasp behind it. "I don't mind it.. It's not unbearable..." You were finally calm, your mind no longer a muddled mess. His presence just made everything better.

   He had explained that being around the person who turned you made your transition easier. He was the only antidote to this so called disease you had. The remedy to your illness. "Come back to bed.." He whispered, pulling away from you as you turned to face him, a sigh escaping your lips. "It's no use... I won't be able to sleep.." He only smiled, holding his hand out to you as you hesitantly took his hand. "Then follow me.."

   He led you to the front door, helping you slip your shoes on before pulling you outside. It was dark and the night air was crisp and cold. You shivered. "Come on.. I wanna show you something.." He grabbed your hand, leading you to his car as you got in, putting your seatbelt on obediently. 

  He drove, for what seemed like half an hour but was really all of fifteen minutes, until you reached a bridge. Illuminated prettily and set amidst the busiest streets in the city. You got out of the car, and almost immediately you covered your ears, the sounds around you being too much all together and a plethora of scents clouding your senses. You winced, head pounding once again as Jay led you to the edge of the bridge, uncovering your ears. "Let the sounds surround you.. Try only focusing on one sound." 

   You let yourself sink into the ambience of the area around you, letting every sound infiltrate your brain before listening for one sound that separated itself from the rest. The water.. You let yourself sink into the scenery around you, focusing in on the pretty little echoes of the riverbed that the bridge was built upon. You had encountered peace for the first time in what felt like years.

   Every roaring thought seemed to die down once you were able to focus. You could relax. Jay watched from beside you, smiling at the almost relieved look on your face. "Now, try to find one scent and stick to it." He rubbed your shoulders in support as you tried your hardest to focus. You found his scent and though faint, it was almost woodsy with vanilla undertones. You took it in, letting his scent imbed itself in your senses as you took a deep breath. Your head was no longer pounding, your heart no longer racing, you were at ease for the first time in a week.

  "Y/n..." He whispered, taking your hand in his as you glanced over at him. A pretty smile now graced his features, he'd been on edge the past few days, every craving, and every problem of yours had stressed him out, but he tried his best to fill your needs. Now he could relax knowing that the worst of your transition was over. "How do you feel?" You smiled in response. "I feel free.." 

  Freedom was the only way to describe it. You had been carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, but tonight, the weight was gone. You could breath.. And you had Jay to thank for that.

  "Let's go home.." He gave your hand a small squeeze before letting go as you smiled, getting back in his car. "Thank you for everything Jay.. I feel so much better..." You thanked him, a small smile gracing your features as he patted your knee. "Let's live like this for the rest of our lives.."

  "I look forward to it.."

═════════════

[mythalism]

more solavellan ending thoughts under cut

reading thru the solavellan tag and wow i am so sorry to the people who are so upset at the bittersweetness and messiness overall because i understand how upset they must feel but also im reading these posts so shocked bc idk what people expected??????? i feel like the toxicity and ambiguity of solas/mythals relationship has been clear since trespasser. we have been debating whether or not they were romantic ourselves for 10 years have we not?? i literally made a poll about our predictions about this like a month ago lmao. idk why people are so blindsided by the suggestion that they were fucked up lovers. anyway i loved mythals role in this game. she is an absolute freak and i thought it was the most nuanced and morally grey part of the entire game which was overall sorely lacking in any exploration of morality outside of solas. i enjoyed how villainous he was - again, what did you expect!? we knew he was like this. yes we saw another side of him in inquisition but we have also seen him in myth and in tevinter nights and in the masked empire, we knew what he was capable of. i was really pleased that he was villainous instead of woobified and wiped of all moral ambiguity.

i think his relationship to Mythal also added amazing depth and context to solavellan. i am seeing so many people saying that him having loved Mythal cheapens his love for solavellan which is honestly just wild. a lot of people in this world love more than one person in their life LMFAO. and she wasn’t just some ex gf SHE MADE HIM. she made him into who he is, literally is the reason he exists as he does. he owed everything to her, including his regrets. and it helps us understand why he could not abandon his path for lavellan and why he could not let her join him. to abandon his goals for her would be to betray himself the same way he betrayed himself for Mythal- and look where it got him. it destroyed the world and it destroyed him. and neither could he allow her to follow him because then he would be asking her to do the same thing Mythal asked of him. “I would follow you anywhere” he says in the memory of him taking a body. “i thought i would follow him anywhere” our inquisitor later says to rook. of course he could not let her do that, it’s what Mythal did to him.

Mythal showing up and telling him the burden wasn’t just his and that she released him literally gave me chills. the way he absolutely crumples in her presence was so devastating… and then when he’s bent over crying and lavellan gets on her knees to look up at him. INSANE. INSANE MOMENT. overall I thought their dialogue towards each other was perfect, even if the kiss felt off to me. just bad timing I think…? and bad animation? i think a hand to the cheek would’ve been better. he was literally going through it in that moment so kissing him then felt kind of wild LMFAO. I think that is my overall complaint about the scene is how quick it happens and because it’s happening at the same time as he’s having like 15 other revelations and being given therapy by 3.5 different women at the same time, their reunion doesn’t get quite enough space to breathe on it’s own. i would bet money that the people who are upset about mythals involvement would be less so if the reunion between him and the inquisitor, and the reunion between he and Mythal were two separate scenes both given their own space.

i also think it felt sudden just because we are not in our inquisitor’s head. obviously she makes it pretty clear that she wants to run off with him when you talk to her in the beginning of act 3, I also got a fun comment between her and Dorian in the final mission where he asks if she’s going back to the south after this and she says “something like that” LMFAOOO. but overall I think her just being like ok! Im coming to the fade with you pookie! would have felt more natural if it was drawn out over a longer period of time in the game. it was perfectly in character for my inky so that’s not an issue, I just think it would have been nice to see her reasons and more grappling with the decision. literally the perfect way to do this would’ve been to have her visit the lighthouse and witness his memories and old home herself and see the true extent of his sorrow and loneliness!!! but that would be a lot of work and time and money and whatever so it’s okay.

despite enjoying the ending I still feel just really anxious, I think partly because that entire end sequence was fucking insane and I’m going to be reeling for a long time but I also think the vagueness of their future is gnawing at me. it is very bittersweet and i would’ve liked…. Any explanation as to where the hell they’re going? are they trapped? can’t they just get out? rook got out by facing their regrets so can’t solas just do the same with lavellans help? how is he helping heal the titans if he’s stuck in the fade? why is he in the fade at all? elgarnan was keeping the veil intact with his life force while outside of the fade literally 5 minutes ago. clearly they don’t have to be in the fade to keep the veil up, they just have to be alive. so why are they in the fucking fade LMAO. I thought they were going to literally give up their mortal bodies and become spirits together and then return to the fade, which I think would’ve been my preferred ending. it is a little more full circle; him taking a body for mythal, and lavellan leaving her body behind for him. I think the insinuation that they’re imprisoned is what bothers me and makes me so anxious because idk it’s just brutal???? they are just gonna sit there for eternity??? is lavellan mortal still??? it just seems to be the only part of this that is unsatisfying to me, I just don’t understand the intention. because solas makes it sound so terrible when he literally calls it terrible, and then the epilogue slide of them it clearly looks lovely and sweet and joyful. So I’m genuinely just confused. Hopefully someone will ask trick on blue sky soon. ok I’m literally falling asleep bc it’s 2:40 am so i am going to go dream about them making out in the fade. I can’t believe it’s over I am going to have to mourn the end of this story for a long time

[fairlyabookie]

Secrets

Author’s note: jade time!! With a little yandere energy

Content warning: yandere coded Jade | possessive

A gentleman has his secrets, and Jade can count himself as one. He can very well choose to hide them, or voice them out to the world to his liking where people can judge him for it. Yet, Jade finds himself at the crosswalks of both: either play his cards right and tell his secrets or die with his secrets buried.

Well, time could tell.

“Jade, have you done the homework? I couldn’t figure it out.”

“Why, if you’re seeking help, I believe you’re asking the wrong person. Azul-san has the answers for everything, you know.”

“I don’t want to cheat..”

How quaint, Jade muses. Standing before him was a trembling [Reader], perhaps intimidated by the towering Jade and the inquisitive look he had on him.

“Then, you’re personally seeking me for help, [Reader]? I’m afraid I can’t be of help..”

[Reader]’s lips curl to a pout.

“I see. Sorry for bothering you.”

Such changes to their expression sent shivers to Jade’s spine - oh, he yearned to tease them a little more.

“Why, [Reader], is the homework too difficult for you? Perhaps, I can lend a hand and explain to you the concept.”

[Reader]’s features light up, a beaming radiance akin to the sun. Jade felt a chuckle bubble at his lips. Truly, he found amusement in [Reader]’s reactions, their smile, their mannerisms that stirred something in Jade’s beating heart. He wouldn’t openly admit this ‘secret’; he’d rather take to his grave, yet the others take notice, feeding into Jade’s expression whenever he encounters [Reader].

”Please, Jade!”

Ah, there it was, a signature move to chip away at Jade’s resolve. How could he ever refuse such a request from [Reader]? Why, even he couldn’t fathom himself.

“Of course, [Reader], right this way.”

His affinity with [Reader] was one secret Jade kept in his sleeve; another was this bestial urge to lock them up and keep them to himself, to toy with them further, to latch him upon their every being until they know nothing but Jade himself.

Alas, he wouldn’t bother with telling such a secret. Besides, he had to wait patiently until the most opportune moment to entrap [Reader] into his clutches.

”Jade, what’s with you today? You’re just helping [Reader] with their homework, aren’t you?”

Azul couldn’t help but ask. He didn’t really like that suspicious look upon the Vice Dorm Leader’s expression, a drawn out grin curling at the corner of his lips.

“Why, it is none of your business, Azul. And yes, I’m simply just helping [reader]; they lack understanding of their concept, and they most certainly wish not to use your services for the day.”

Any claim of that ‘suspicious’ grin Azul thought he saw from Jade was quickly rebutted; the suspicious grin overwhelmed Azul to the point of distraction. He takes a breath before returning to his paperwork.

“Alright, if [Reader] doesn’t require my services, you can take them to the library or where you see fit to assist them with the homework. Just don’t ask me for the answer sheet; that’s only if they are going to use my services.”

“Of course, Azul.”

The twin departs, leaving the Dorm Leader to his devices.

“What’s with the grin, Jade? You’re creeping me out.”

[Reader] quips, perking an eyebrow.

“Oh, was it? Please pardon me.”

Jade’s delight was evident; he can spend time with [Reader] alone. Yet, he mustn’t let his guard down just yet; for now, he must play along, ‘assisting’ [Reader] with their homework.

“Now, if you can please follow me, [Reader]. We will head to the library where I will attempt to explain the concepts to you. Is this allowed, my dear?”

Sickeningly sweet words trickle from Jade’s lips; one would think he had practiced and memorized such words - yet, he didn’t, such delivery was smooth as trickling water flowing down a stream, his lips curled to a smile. Such words found its effect, eliciting a blush on [Reader]’s cheeks.

“Of course, Jade. Thank you.”

A light-hearted chuckle bounces from Jade’s lips.

“Allow me.”

He levels his gaze to [Reader]’s height, offering an arm as he prepares what seems to be a gentlemanly demeanor. [Reader] could feel their cheeks burn upon the gesture, murmuring a thanks before taking Jade’s arm.

Unbeknownst to them, Jade celebrated to himself, his heart pumping a million kilometers per second with [Reader]’s consent. Together, they walk to the library, passing by curious students strolling past them, Floyd making a funny face at Jade when he glimpses his brother with [Reader].

Jade merely answers back with a smirk at his lips, unsettling Floyd for a brief moment.

“Geez, what a weirdo.”

The eel mutters to himself, averting his gaze elsewhere that was not [Reader] and Jade.

[thevikingwoman]

alright so I'm not actively seeking out DA veilguard information, but I also don't have all the possible spoiler tags blocked.

I've had a little excitement build, though my outlook is to keep a wait and see approach, and my interest in Dragon Age in general has been a background simmer - I felt neutral towards the initial announcement of name and date etc.

I admit my interest peaked up with the preview of the character creator, maybe even getting a little excited to create a rook, and to set foot in Thedas again.

now, recently I've seen some news that very few decisions from Inquisition has made it over, and that we can't play / decide what our inquisitor does, and that no decisions from DA2 or Origins matter. And I admit that is disappointing? The game series is tied to meaningful choices - and ofc they have to bottle neck and streamline, but it feels a little hollow.

One thing is the inquisitor, and not just speaking as a solavellan (I never thought i'd get a solas romance scene in veilguard tbh that struck me as wishful thinking), where I feel there's a good deal of difference how to deal with the past romance for the individuals (do you still carry a torch etc), but I'd hoped Dorian would show up and Dorianmancers would get some choice here too, etc. It's also just means it will probably be a short cameo.

Now what I really think of is the lack of matter in choices. If the well of sorrows don't matter, why was it such a big deal? Does it not matter who is Divine? and much more.

Most of all, what makes me (pre-emptively I guess) upset is Kieran. Not only should it matter whether the Old God soul is potentially there in Solas via Flemythal, but Kieran could also just be a regular kid too. He will exist or not exist depending on world state. And given that Morrigan shows up, are they just going to ignore this just because he's what - seventeen? twentyone? years old? Morrigan and Kieran means so much to me, there are very few media I can think of where people are allowed to be parents and still be a person with agency in the plot, without having the plot relate to their parenthood directly (because Kieran can also not exist of course). This is SO incredible important, and if they just - handwave that away it's making me mad just thinking about it.

Mostly, though, I think it was a mistake for them to try and cater to both new and old players in a whisy washy way. It's been 10 years, I get it. They want to appeal to people who was not playing (or shouldn't have been) an M rated when Inquisition, let alone Origins came out. They can't make too many references to old games, they can't confuse players.

But i think - with the time it took to develop this game, I'd much rather they'd done a soft reset instead. Solas succeeded, the veil has come down, it's 75 years later. Or even shorter, leaving room for old favorites to show up, but also having a reason for the decisions to not matter? I don't know. But something that would have made the game accessible to new players, and refreshed everything for old players. I frankly think they are trying to both have and eat the cake, and I fear it's going to fall on it's ass.

Lastly, I don't need a solavellan resolution. They're resolved in my head and been for 8 years. And I'd rather keep that than some halfassed 4 lines that don't fit Iwyn.

[marcobodtlives]

Here's a sad thought.

You know how titan shifters take the memories of the previous one? So, when Armin ate Bertholdt and took the colossal from him that means he more than likely saw the memory of what happened with Marco, and didn't say anything.

Not to Jean.

No one.

YEAH! THIS IS ON MY MIND CONSTANTLY 😓

24/7 RENT FREE

I say this to everyone I know who watches AoT and I believe it wholeheartedly.

Thank you 🥲 I think about this fact so often and I have so many headcanons about it!!!

Here they all are beneath the cut, I hope you like: 🥹

I reckon Armin would have had flashes of it, felt so sick, picked up Bertholdt’s lingering guilt, and then been utterly torn between telling Jean and keeping it to himself.

I think Armin and Jean are close, particularly so after their planned kidnapping in season 3. I think Armin has always reminded Jean of Marco, and I think a small part of Jean knows that Armin means a lil more to him because it’s the last shred of Marco that he feels he still has.

Marco and Armin were close. They were both smart, inquisitive, caring individuals that wound up being the ones keeping their chaotic friends in line. He might be short, blond, and lack the freckles Jean loved, but Armin is as close to Marco that Jean has - and Armin knows that too.

After Marco’s death, Armin notices how heavily it’s impacted Jean, and he reaches out. Extends an open line, lets Jean know that he’s there for him if he ever wants to talk - really talk.

After their planned capture in season 3, after Armin kills to save Jean’s life, after Armin’s sacrifice in Shiganshina, he’s torn.

On one hand, Jean was closest to Marco, was the one who took his death the hardest, the one who sees him and mourns him more than anyone else. Jean is the one who keeps Marco’s memory alive, he’s the one that fights the hardest to keep Marco from becoming ‘just another comrade we’ve lost.’

Jean has said “he died all alone, without anyone knowing or seeing.” Armin knows the circumstances of Marco’s death kill Jean, rock him to the core.

Armin knows Jean is the one who deserves to know the truth more than anyone.

But Armin also knows the other side to Jean.

Armin knows Jean feels the weight of every death. He knows Jean wakes at night, hands clamped over his ears. He knows Jean’s sketchbook is full of sketches of Marco, and he knows they’re becoming less and less accurate as time goes on.

He knows Jean would fall into a hole, so to speak, if he found out the truth. He knows Jean would need answers, he knows the fury of it all would compromise Jean in the field.

When they reach the ocean, he almost says something. They aren’t in immediate danger, it’s been over a year, they have their answers. Logically, it would be the best time to say something.

But he sees Jean with Conny and Sasha, sees their smiles, the carefree way they laugh as salt water twists their features. And Armin realises… he can’t do this. He doesn’t have the heart to sit Jean down and explain that his best friend of three years was held down and fed to a titan by three of their fellow cadets-turned-traitors.

Murdered. He can’t tell Jean that Marco was murdered. He just - he can’t do that. It’s hard enough seeing it himself when he closed his eyes, he can’t tell Jean and subject him to that truth.

He doesn’t need to fuel Jean’s nightmares by giving him more context. He isn’t going to be the gasoline to Jean’s trauma-fire.

He can tell the truth when they’re stable again. When Paradis isn’t under threat, when there’s peace and hope. When Jean has the time to heal without fear and uncertainty dancing over their heads.

Then they go to Marley. Then Eren leaves. War is declared. They’re fighting for their lives. Again.

Then Reiner and Annie are honest.

And Armin is reminded why he didn’t tell Jean when fists start flying and Jean ends up in the woods with his hands over his ears.

But he thinks maybe things will be okay, when Jean saves Reiner’s ass as they hang from Eren’s ribcage.

[entering--hyperspace]

My Veilguard Thoughts (spoilers included)

I want to preface this with I am not an expert writer, and neither am I proficient in critiquing games in a way that is easy to digest or perhaps best gets my thought across. However, I care alot about dragon age and it greatly influenced be as a teenager, so I have a lot of thoughts on my first On Release Dragon Age game!

So, after finishing my playthrough and thinking about what I had experienced, I have come to the conclusion that Veilguard is a fun, whimsical if not somewhat cheesy ball of popcorn of a game with a lot of potential that it at times reached if only to stumble back. In my eyes, a solid 7/10, which is not a bad thing, but for dragon age fans might be divisive.

ROOK AS AN MC

To start, we have returned to a more solidified character backstory for Rook, an attempt to merge the gaps between origins, Da2, and Inquisition. Not as much as a fill in the gaps blank Mc as the inquisitor was, while not as much as a pre-built solid character as Hawke, or the time given to the very diverse set of Origins the Warden had. This was Mostly a positive, and at times something I kinda just looked around during. I played as an Elven mage (male) Shadow Dragon Rook, which I definitely felt satisfied given the amount of dialogue I felt included in, while at times being alienated by the game just assuming my investment in its own pre-established characters like the Viper, though no work was done in game outside of a written up quick summary to endear me to those it wanted me to feel for.

Continuing with Rook, I felt odd about them for a long time. Having a mc thrown into the chaos without the time to establish how you want to play them in a huge plot was not something I really like. In origins you have a plot itself, Da2 sets up the beginning of Hawke's story, and Dai works with the character being thrusted into the role of Herald because your character was truly someone just at the wrong place at the wrong time. None of things really apply to Rook, so it took me some time to really get into the role of them as the Protagonist.

I also think the responses weren't strong enough in their differences, and seemed to lack the more emotional responses I liked about Inquisition.

On the romance side for Rook, at least for Lucanis, I definitely feel not all the characters were given equal treatment bc man did his romance feel sorely lacking on content compared to the others. This isn't even about it being a slow burn because a slow burn has acknowledgement of what it is in how its story is told, this was just,,, a nothing burger. The almost kiss for Lucanis felt more romantic and longing than anything else his romance produced going forward, which was really just a lot of standing next to each other and talking. But anyway

Speaking of things missing! I was really disappointed that the gift giving system was so lackluster. I was hoping a short conversation about whatever was gifted, but its a simple reply. I did enjoy adding to the companions' space anyway!

THE COMPANIONS

Speaking of the Companions, I really adored each and every one of them, which is rare for me! There's at least ONE companion in Bioware game casts I usually don't like or care for, but this time around I found myself drawn to them all, some more than others, of course, but still! I felt the beginnings of their stories were all very genuine, and tangible. I particularly related To Bellara's grief over her brother, and not about accepting the death, but rather accepting her role in what happened. Or Taash, who struggles with their sense of self as a multicultural person, I am also Multiracial, and was excited to explore that. Lucanis reconnecting with family, Emmrich's respect and love for the deceased despite and because of his own fear of mortality, Davrin learning how to be a gentle caretaker to a young griffon, suddenly thrust into that role despite knowing only to protect and the sword he wields, to name my favorites. I have my own opinions i'll briefly talk about later about all of these, but for the most part I loved the companions! They were probably my favorite part of the game, which is why It frustrates me that the lighthouse is structured in a way that makes getting to them in their ambient conversations with each other inconvenient. This was a problem with Inquisition as well, to be fair, nothing but Origins' close camp-fire made it particularly easy to talk to your companions. Least of all when there's now no satisfaction in greeting them in the first place.

They chose to remove the ability to say hello and engage with your Companions at any time. to Save time, I think, but for me as a player, this limits my connection to them. It's removing the choice, the knowledge that I could go say hi just to do so, or to listen to another instance of a dialogue wheel again. Even if it's an arbitrary thing, It's the availability of that choice that makes me feel good, removing that hinders rather than improves, in my own experience.

I also just wish they felt more of a team outside of duty-Oriented group cutscenes, but more so as friends in a group than just 2 of them conversing somewhere.

THE STORY

The story of Veil-guard is definitely a mixed bag, purely taking it as it is, not even mentioning the lack of continuing with the world state. Games do this thing where they love tip-toeing in between being exploratory and linear while not giving either the attention needed to truly make this work. I thought the maps themselves were fine on a level design standpoint, big enough to not get too boring as parts of them unlock, but small enough to not seem as empty as they were in Inquisition, kind of returning to the older games’ layout. What really hindered the story was the tendency to bounce around all of these different areas, for freedom of choice, rather than focusing on an area and unlocking more as the game goes on through that progression.

It was The SIege Of Weisshaupt where I truly felt invested in other parts of the story outside of the interesting connection between Rook and Solas. It was the moment I recognized Veilguard has such potential in it’s story telling, giving us a very big, grand moment in the story that isn't afraid to take itself seriously and raise the stakes, which is perhaps why I’m not as disappointed in the story as much as I could’ve been, bc the potential was THERE. But instead of continuing the forward momentum some of these story beasts give us, they're dropped, and lose the momentum. Fire and Ice, fighting the blighted dragons felt like nothing after I had to take care of companion quests or conversations lest they disappear on me. The moments that fuck in the story, fuck HARD it’s so clear they have potential, my favorite parts of the story where genuinely where the momentum isnt afraid to keep going until it naturally needs to drop, as in The Point Of No Return Onward. God, the cutscene with Rook falling into the prison, the prison section in of itself, THE REVELATION OF VARRIC, Climbing out, getting back and choosing what the team needs to do, it was so GOOD AND COOL, but it was literally the last 3 hours of the game.

Outside of the main story before that I was really mainly invested in the companion’s stories and getting to the next conversation with Solas, or unlocking things within the maps, its a shame then, that none of these feel they were given the time to be fleshed out. I liked the Demon haunting Minrathous, but the set up is so sparse that the revelation doesn’t feel as satisfying as it would have had it been given just the tiniest bit of more attention or gravitas.

Smaller mistakes in the story happened in my mind all the time, WHat do you mean MINRATHOUS was just as affected by the blight as Treviso would be? If they had changed it to Dock town, the choice would’ve felt harder. But no, it was the Minrathous city of magisters or risking the blighted waters that run throughout the lives of a city only really “protected” by Assassins.

Why did nobody mention Varric as a clear mortal casualty? Just one mention of Solas making Rook forget mentions of him and maybe especially any mourning periods directly after his death would’ve made sense.

This is also not even mentioning lost plot-threads or dropped lore, that is better left to more knowledgeable people, but I can see how that may add to disappointment.

THE INQUISITOR, AND THE PAST (OR LACK THEREOF) CHOICES.

I actually switched my opinion on this, at first I was in the boat of I could see why the world state continuing wasn’t needed. We were in Northen Thedas, surely we wouldn’t need as much information although I still gripped about the more important decisions in Inquisition not being included like the well of sorrows or the next Divine.

For most of the game this opinion didn’t change too much, it wasn’t until the last parts of the story that it shifted. Once the game started singing the tune of how this was the BIG CULMINATION FINALE, and EVERYTHING LEAD UP TO THIS, I started to be like, now hold on a second, it doesn’t feel this way. It doesn’t feel this way because no, I didn’t have a lot of satisfaction in seeing even hints of what I had played previously being mentioned. Inquisition felt more like a culmination from the amount of lead up, references, and acknowledgements than Veilguard did. Where was Kieran in the talks or mentions of arche demons, wardens trying to find reversals of blights much like our warden, Divine justinia? Hawke in the aftermath of Varric’s death? The tiniest mention would’ve made me feel so much better, yet they were lacking.

Now, the inquisitor, well,,,,,I’ve always been in the boat that this should’ve been their story to finish, and for the most part I was fine with Rook untl I reached certain moments like everything with Mythal where I felt my inquisitor, having drank from the well, would’ve been a way more interesting person to be included, or even having them in the background fighting alongside Rook in the final boss given a choice in what class they were, you could see them offering assistance. Man, Even getting to talk more with them, maybe choosing what emotional dialogue they leaned more into like we did with Hawke so their statements didn’t feel so broad.

THAT BEING SAID, THE CRITICISMS LEAVING MY BODY AS SOON AS I HEARD THE INQUISITION LEITMOTIF, I regardless, enjoyed every second of them on screen, I literally screamed and scrumpt seeing them appear at the end to (in my canon) Help talk Solas down which felt a bit like the Hannah montanna taking off the wig when they revealed themselves I mean this in the best way possible I was eating everything up.

OTHER SMALL THINGS, MUSIC, GRAPHICS, COMBAT

Music to me was fine, what I’m grateful for since playing FFXIV is I have learned, love, accepted that I want music to be different, its COOL when genres don’t stay to the same old tune. I actually loved what I heard of Veilguard’s style, obviously some people said it sounded like Mass Effect music due to its use of more electronic sounding tunes, but considering we are dealing with ANcient Elven gods in advanced tech architecture and cities like Minrathous, I didn’t even see it as out of place. Honestly, OSTS rarely blow me out of the water on an initial playthrough, but I implore people to maybe open their minds to the idea that not every game needs to sound the same, even if theyre from the same series, I would have rathered this than the same style as inquisition, bc they are not the same game with the same story and environment. Personally, I find it boring to only contain one musical genre to one thing, Taking more leaps in creating a different sound to reinvent what we might consider ��fantasy music”(for example) IS something I will always back.

GRAPHICS ARE INCREDIBLE, I love the more stylized look, I loved the lighting direction, I loved everything about the actual style of the game. I do agree about missing previous DESIGNS, but the ART STYLE itself I have no notes on, what a beautiful game.

Combat was so fun, it’s clear Bioware is taking notes from the pace of Andromeda’s gameplay, which I also enjoyed. Not a lot of thoughts here, it was fun, I was never a big fan of tactical games which made origins not very fun for me combat wise so I wasn't affected by the series continuing to evolve away from that over time was was prevalent since Da2 into Inquisition. I just wish we had more ability options ready to use.

The Tone:

I do think its silly to not acknowledge the clear tonal shift throughout dragon age, yes you could always CHOOSE to be silly, but to not see Origins as clearly tonally dark is a bit ignorant. I don't mind (I actually prefer!) Light hearted ganes, what I like most however, is sincereity and the ability to allow your story to be what it needs to. Veilguard has shown it has times where it is clear in wanting to have a serious mission, but also fails to deliver on it consistently.

I don't really have much of a problem with its dialogue as some? Gamer bros tend to? But I also want to point out one thing: sometimes, due to the fact you grow as a person, grow older, things you once saw as super cool serious and good, may not be so at your current age. Was the dialogue "millenial" or are you (talking to random gamerbros here) perhaps so unwilling to let yourself enjoy things you once did bc in your eyes they are "cringe" now? The nostalgia can be so blinding, and to ignore that the humor of the series has always been there is so incorrect. But these are also the same people who said veilguard is too woke when it was DA thay had 2 bisexual companions while bioware was getting hounded on by FOX news for its same sex romance, so....

CLOSING THOUGHTS.

It was Clear this game struggled with things cut for time, or ease of new players, if not both. I can only speculate an EA decision which hindered things, a tale as old as time, given weight since we know its production start was rocky alongside the dire state of AAA game industry. However when i am reviewing something I try not only to take account of the things that we may give marks to, like a consistent story, graphics, music, but more so one single thing: Did this game do what it set out to do? The answer, I feel, is Yes.

The game introduced us to memorable companions, it finished the set up of a previously started story, it was fun to play, it got an emotional reaction out of me, I do not regret buying it.

That perhaps, is most important. No game is perfect, certainly not ones as ambitious as Dragon Age as a serie. It is hard to implement every choice, to satisfy every player. In the end, it is not a perfect game, certainly not a perfect DA game. Especially not with 10 years of expectations and weight on its shoulders. To me, it didn’t need to be. I am allowed to be disappointed, but I am also allowed to be satisfied with the imperfect, and simply have enjoyed the ride. Video games are Art, Art is subjective. There are ways we can frame the basis of critique given the quality and what we expect from a studio, even at the whims of greedy overlords, but most importantly I think we should ask ourselves if our enjoyment matters most.

In a world where it has become easy to hate, where hate and anger and disapproval gain more clicks and reactions than those of joy, It is equally important for us to speak of our joy with as much weight as we would a critique. Joy is just as important to share, love for something is just as important to share as much as what you didn’t like.

I loved Veilguard. It wasn’t perfect, but I had fun running around, I had fun listening to my new friends, and perhaps that is what I take with me the most. If it’s any indication, I have decided to replay DaI and veilguard again right after, it scratched my DA itch.

As a side note, if you want to listen to a good video essay about the acceptance of the mid and the enjoyment still that shouldn’t be shamed in video games being ranked less than 10/10 which I recommend “In defense of the 7/10 games” by Nakey Jakey.

If you’ve reached this point I hope you enjoyed my thoughts!

[revasserium]

museums of memory

tsukishima kei; 2,098 words; fluff and the tiniest bit of nsfw

if he were to think of his body as a museum to his life, he thinks the first ever exhibit would be you.

“do you even remember the first time you played volleyball?”

tsukishima blinks as you lounge on the chair opposite his, in the empty desk where he assumes the newest member of the sendai museum faculty will sit one day, but for now, it’s been commandeered by you, grinning at him over the old fashioned lamp placed between his desk and the eventual newcomer’s.

“probably with my brother, why?”

your foxhole grin makes him pause.

“nope!” you hold your fingers crossed over each other as he sighs.

“fine. do you remember?”

you let out a long, overdramatic breath. tsukishima fights to keep his own face expressionless as he watches you, spinning in a chair that is not yours, and will never be yours — but you sit in it like you own the thing anyway.

“yep! it was with me!”

at this, he frowns, quirking an inquisitive eyebrow even as he scours the depths of his own fading memories for something that might confirm or deny your claim. he comes up empty.

“it… was?”

“yep!” and you’re smiling, a smile that he’s long since learned he has a startling lack of immunity against; it pierces his chest like the first ray of sunlight after a whole week’s worth of gray skies and rain — he waits.

“it was in your backyard! do you remember? the third time i came over to play cause my parents weren’t gonna be home till late —”

“ah… yeah — but i’d hardly call that volleyball.” tsukishima grins as the memory resurfaces, the images flashing behind his eyes, the feeling of grass beneath his fingers, the brightly colored, balloon-esque ball bopping between the two of you. he remembers the shape of your laughter, ringing through him like so many silver bells. he remembers laughing with you, watching you dive for a ball only to trip over your own feet.

“it was too volleyball!”

he shrugs, allowing you a haphazard grunt as he returns to his work, sifting through the museum’s backlog of donated pieces, parsing out which ones are actually worth keeping.

he wonders if someone were to sort through his own memories like this, which moments they might deem worthy of being kept, and which ones they might set to the side to toss away.

his first kiss is yours — given on an overcast sort of afternoon, with a sea of worksheets and unread manga scattered between you. your bed’s bigger than his, and the pillows are softer, anyway. he’d been thinking about it — then, and before then too — how it might feel, and he’d chalk it up to pure curiosity (of the scientific sort, you know) after, when you’d looked up at him and asked him what that was all about.

you’d been showing him something in a shoujou manga, squealing about some tall, dark, handsome, broody boy in the pages, about how he’d kissed the main character — just like that! bam!

he remembers the sound of your voice, the taste of your surprised hiccup on his tongue, the way your sigh had felt against his lips when you finally relaxed into him, your eyes fluttering shut, tickling his cheek like moth wings.

he’d pulled back, adjusted his glasses and gone back to his japanese literature notes, swiping a quick thumb across his lips. you’d stared at him for a solid ten seconds before burying your face in your pillow and then promptly whacking him across the head with it hard enough for him to wince.

“what was that for?” he asks, bewildered, his glasses askew.

“y-you can’t just kiss me — j-just like that and… and not expect me to do something about it!”

“well i wouldn’t’ve done it if i knew you were gonna hit me!”

“what’dyou think i was gonna do then?”

“i dunno, kiss me back or something!”

you’d deflated then, a helpless laugh spilling over your lips, making his skin tingle in ways that he’d never really been able to properly verbalize. he twists at his own fingers, feeling an unfamiliar heat creep up his neck and into his cheeks.

“if you wanted a kiss… you could’ve just asked.”

tsukishima crinkles his nose, scowling hard at the bunny-printed bedsheets between you.

“okay then,” he says, his words a bit too quiet, but no less certain, “kiss me again.”

you shift closer, reach over to crumple your fingers into his shirt collar to pull him to you. and it really was an overcast sort of afternoon, but… the memory of it shines brighter than the sum of all his sunlit days.

he imagines walking you through the museum of him, of all the things he’s considered sacred enough to keep, tucked away in the glass cases of his memory, polished, precise — perfect. he might show you his series of firsts, but then again, he thinks you might know them already. most of them include you anyway.

his first time is with you too — when you’re both still young enough to wonder, but old enough to do something about it — on a night when the moon is full and the air is too hot and sticky with possibilities.

he gasps as he pushes you back into the mattress of his bed, both your chests heaving, the world a rumbling ocean of cicada-song and half-drawn breaths.

“t-tell me you want this —” his voice is a shipwreck, and he knows he probably looks like one too, your fingers having made fine work of his hair, his glasses fogged over with the physical proof of his desires — of both your desires. you smile as you reach up to pull it from his face; he tastes the grin on your lips as you pull him down towards you.

“i — i want it — please —”

and it’s this plea more than anything else that pushes him over the edge of that precious, precarious precipice. he leans in, kisses you hard enough to bruise, and even though you’d spent the better part of the last year learning the curves and bends of each other’s mouths, the sweet and spice of each other’s tongues, somehow — this still feels clumsy. somehow, there is still too much teeth and not enough hesitation —

he can’t help the moan that tumbles from him when you arch your body up into his, when he finally, finally manages to pull away all the layers separating your body from his, when he finally sees you beneath him, splayed out like a promise, sweet and ever so willing as you reach for him —

he sinks into you like a daydream.

your nails trail fire and fortune down his back, his inhibitions left at the foot of the bed or perhaps shucked right outside his door because for once, no one else is home. and sure, you’d offered your place, which is empty more often than his place is but something inside him had wanted this — had wanted the first memory of you and him to be here. in his bed, on his sheets.

it’s a strange kind of possessiveness, the kind that he’s always felt roiling in the depths of his belly whenever he looked at you but right here, right now, he’s finally unafraid of letting it out.

he hisses when he feels you tightening around him, neither of you experienced enough in the language of pleasure, but he thinks that you don’t need to be. all you’ve never needed was him and you in the same space — and it has always been poetry.

“kei — kei —”

“c-come — come —”

there is a kind of breaking that can only be described as beautiful. and he has seen it over, and over, and over with you.

neither of you even remembers the shouting, how it all began — but both of you remember the shattered shards of cheap, store-bought glass, the silence that had folded in on itself, thick enough to suffocate. he’d never been good at stuff like this, and to be fair, neither were you.

“it’s not fair,” you’d said, and he’d laughed, a too-harsh, too-loud, too-much of a laugh that had echoed through your shared apartment like a car alarm, set off by the proximity of your bodies, by the resentment hidden beneath your tongues.

“what’s not fair? this? me?”

his voice is almost a sneer, but it isn’t. he can’t muster that strength. the losses his team had suffered still too fresh on his mind, and somehow, your empty words of it was a good match had set him off somehow. because he knows you’re lying — it wasn’t a good match, it was a shit match, and you knew it. so why — why —

“it was a good match —”

“no, it wasn’t — it was my first match — and we fucking ate shit —”

“it wasn’t your fault —”

“stop lying to me! you know i hate it when you lie to me!”

you bite your lips, you twist your fingers.

tsukishima lets out a breath that feels like admitting defeat. he feels his body soften — you never used to toy with your fingers like that. not when you were little, not till you met him.

“fine,” you’d said, looking anywhere but at him, “it was a shit match. but you did the best you could.”

“yeah, and clearly, it wasn’t good enough.”

you scoff, a sound that he’d never gotten used to hearing from you, but he should’ve expected it. you’d been with him for way too long not to pick it up.

“well, then do better next time.”

he finds himself smiling before he can stop himself.

“yeah… right… it’s just that easy, huh.”

you take three steps towards him and close the distance between you.

“isn’t it?”

because if his body were to be a museum to his life, he wonders how the exhibit might end, where he might draw that final line —

“i’ll see you after work for dinner then,” you say, popping up from the chair across from him, flashing him a quick grin.

tsukishima hums, his eyes still resting on the sheafs of paper in front of him — kamuiyaki ware plate set, produced in tokunoshima, during the early 14th century —

“what do you want?” he asks, moving the file to the pile on his right — the things to keep.

“hm… dunno. maybe… tsukemen? it’s hot outside.”

“yeah, sure,” — ukiyo-e depiction of izanagi and izanami, produced during —

“hey, tsukki?”

“hm?”

he looks up to find you standing there, too close, and yet not nearly close enough. he bites back the urge to draw you closer. you smile down at him, reaching out to cup his cheeks, to run your fingers through his hair.

he allows himself a small, indulgent smile.

“kiss me,” you say, leaning down towards him.

he kisses you, and when you draw back, the afternoon sun draped across your shoulders, seeping in from the far window, tsukishima finds himself held still by the sight of you.

“marry me,” he says, with too little thought and not enough hesitation, but really, really — he’s thought about it for far too long, sounded out the words between his lips so many times that the midnight air of his room might be able to repeat it back to him in perfect tandem.

you don’t miss a beat.

“okay,” you say, leaning down to kiss him again.

and this time, when he wraps his arms around you to pull you close, there’s no question and only ever your answer — solid and sweet and still as you press it to his lips, from your mouth to his — yes, yes, a million times yes.

“okay,” he says, smiling when he lets you go.

“see you for dinner,” you say, casting him a wave over your shoulder as you leave, your cheeks flushed high and pink.

tsukishima watches you go, his hand poised in the air in a perfect wave.

“yeah, see you then.”

and as he turns back to his work, he thinks that if his body were to be a museum to his life — the first and last exhibit… well, they’d probably both be about you.

[vigilskeep]

Do you have any wishlist for the main character in da4?

human that’s not a noble. obvious. insane we haven’t had it yet. bioware surely you can’t fuck this up. bioware

city elves!! i miss them

let em be scrappy no overpowered grand destiny pls

honestly the most important thing abt main character origins isn’t what they are but how well it’s done. da2 managed the heartfelt connection and dai gave a choice but not since dao have we had both and players have obviously really felt that lack. i’m hoping they’ll go back to giving the player character a family, but at the very least i’d like there to be an origin supporting cast, and i’d be very very pleased for there to be different origins that involve something playable instead of just being thrown straight into the story, which made a lot of people feel disconnected from the inquisitor. the inquisition origins seem to purposefully make you as distant from the world as possible, forcing you to be from the free marches to play the miscellaneous foreigner card, and not allowing you to be from any of the games’ settings or have any investment in their struggles, whereas the dao origins were designed to give you a uniquely invested perspective on the world and connection to the main quests. that really works well thematically with the central premise of dragon age, a world always presented to you through opinion and bias, where every player’s perspective designs the story they receive. that’s what i’m really looking for, especially as we move to new parts of thedas that we can learn about by living it, just as we first learned about ferelden

if they let me play a mortalitasi i’ll kiss every writer with tongue

[dors-ee]

Veilguard spoilers. Again lots of details. Lots to say too so a long read. (I finished the game).

SO. I finished. And I am having mixed feelings. Lots of what I said still stand about the disappointment with unexplored things like the titans and the blight. The forgotten ones etc.

also... mixed feelings about the veil staying up. It could have been very interesting to see it falls and now it poses the question... what's next?

There's in the codex something about pple being unable to explore outside of thedas. There's also the Qunaaris and the devouring storm and devour also appearing with the elves and like there are things to explore so idk. Maybe that.

And things in the whole final part of the game, from the island to the end, where... pretty good. Like I'll give them that, it was freaking good. The last confrontation of Rook vs Elgar'nan thoooooo. (Also well I picked Helping get Solas redeemed, so that on me. But the last him and Rook with this choice was a bit meh. Maybe the other choices are better. Guess I'll never know cause I'm not gonna pick something else. But yeah big build up Rook Elgar'Nan and it wasn't that exploited for me in the end.)

BUT as I said as a whole it still feels a bit... empty. Things land flat a little, I did feel emotions but also not... idk. I thing it should have been longer, have a bit more with the characters, the relationships, the build up. It should have had more build up. Have more with the whole solas thing like him confronting things too.

Because his sudden change at the last moment? Kind of comes out of nowhere -for him. We the player know more and all. But him in context.-. Even Mythal got more development than him with the whole conversation and Morrigan. And like yes we Rook got his memories and all but... idk.

Some stuff weren't explored. And actually in general with the game I have this feeling of things not explored, not deeply enough. Lots feel like good ideas that weren't well executed. A bit too polished, too superficial. Too fast too.

As I said I felt emotions but not thaaat deep. Or tbh I felt more for some NPC... (Antoine and Evka!❤).

I think just a bit longer for things to really grow, whether it's that feeling of the gods being monsters, more talks with Solas maybe really speaking of him using people and his memories I don't know.

I don't know. Like really. I am really having mixed emotions here. I loved this final part but also not. Like the rest of the game there's a feeling of lacking. Of surface and superficiality... of rushing a bit maybe?

And as much as I could get planting seeds for maybe future games, with the necropolis, etc. The whole titan and blight... that it wasn't exploited??? I thought the game would shift to that, to idk give them their dreams again or do something. And maybe not that, maybe it wss asking for too much. But the alternative was... nothing.

Not... just kill the gods. And yes it was magistral to have us pick which character does what... and at times who will die or not. (I killed Harding without meaning too :(. and I used Bellara for the door, being kidnapped by Elgar'nan. I was romancing Neve, no way was I sacrificing her.)

but talking of romance... I will I think do a one or two more playthroughs, to try a few others choices (one of them with a dwarf, see if it gives more for the titans and blight) including romances but also... idk. They also feel pretty superficial. And short. Too short. I can't help but compare from what I saw of the previous games the romances for ie. How lacking veilguard's is compared to DA2 and Inquisition, there. (haven't watched about the first game.).

So idk. Maybe it bc I built up my expectations, or played a bit too fast -not even that fast objectively compared to other people-... But I can't shake this unease and feeling discontented .... unsatisfied. Conflicted.

I also don't want to imagine the pple that played all the games and waited. are you satisfied? Maybe it does make everything feel like idk there's more payoff. On certain things for sure.

But on others? Building up all through the three games, getting in the universe, the lore the story, the blight, the gods...

for that resolution? That for Varric? and like the reveal and the fade moment were magistral... but still. The blight being the titans was again, so great. reveals on the elf, great too.

Like the ideas were GREAT. But then... idk. How it finishes... Imagining all this build up witj the elf lore ... and idk. It falls flat. Again.

I find myself asking again "so uh that's it? That's only that?". Like yeah I think they needed and wanted to bring closure, and technically the ideas were great again. But how it was executed... leaves me conflicated.

Some of the scenes were good it wasn't all bad. I liked when they spoke around the table after solas' memories and the banters.

And the facing off of Harding/Titan if rook is an elf... chilling. Damn. What she says, how she says it... (I picked embrace the anger). The voice acting was so great in the whole game! Loved my Rook!

But also yeah. Idk. The story needed an end and maybe that's why I feel like that. Because it's done. Because all the exciting interesting stuff is... done. Closure. There's a definite end and explanation.

I think for the bloghf and titan this is why I keep bringing it up. It has an end and nothing will be done now. I mean, the veil is in place, so it won't be unleashed, no dreams given back to the titans... I suppose this chapter is closed then? No more elven gods so no more blight titans thing. And I am... disappointed and sad because I wanted more and wanted this great idea to be explored. And nor all just come down to Harding ... needing to learm to be angry. Which don't get me wrong is a great quest. I loved her development but was so disappinted the whole titan thing ended being just that. But yeah. It's done, over, finished.

Like I really don't know, those are raw emotions. And I haven't played the previous games.

Also I guess fanfiction is there for the holes and unexplored. And I suppose we'll see if there's a next game.

Also : yes they were stupid enough to show parts of the actual ending in the trailer.

oh yeah more build up with Elgar'Nan would have been nice. Ghilan'nain got a lot. Elgar'Nan less. we are told he is awful, told again and again but not shown thaaat much.

Also why did Ghilain'nain end up like that? who knows.

I come back to some thoughts I've been having. How many shows, books, games, etc. do we have where we think "great ideas, great potential, not great execution"?

plenty. And I am tired of it tbh. Maybe we need to expect less... or give more time?

I know that despite the 10 years, veilguard didn't actually develop over 10 years.

Idk. Hades 2 they took their time and it's fucking great. Things have impact, there's pay off, it doesn't feel superficial. It builds up, buts by bits, like the pacing is good -for now-.

I liked veilguard and I will replay it. But do I consider it a good game? I'm very conflicted. Disappointed. I will let it and my thoughts sit for a while, I also need to decide for my next Rook haha. Factions, race, all mage if not dwarfs that I can say. (I want a mounr watched, wanted a dwarf, for the idea of the baby found in a crypt nut dwarf can't be mage so will need to also make an elf mage mourn watcher. Which ok, but I also had an idea for an elf mage shadow dragon. and 4 Rooks... yeah nah, idk if I'll be able to replay the game that much. I also need to try the other choice in Treviso/Minrathous. (yeah, Neve, romance, so helped Minrathous.)

It's still a cool game. It's still enjoyable to play in itself. I will give it that. For me it's kind of a miss in terms of story and lore. But it's still enjoyable to play.

But I keep thinking of the not exploted things... The blight changing not explored, what it means, why the song is changing. I remember the qurst with this and the ending and I was like wtf? It's just a big blight eruption? I thought it was going to be linked to the titans or something.... and argh. Yeah I can't let it go. I need to take a step back. Such a good idea, not well executed.... or not executed at all.

But as we are on the grey warden topic, I think them too, they were built up over the games and all and I think... some stuff with them fall very flat too. Maybe? Like great ideas to explore, again, but not that well executed.

I think i am just repeating myself haha. Feels empty lacking and superficial in terms of story, romances, characters, etc. And feels really too.... pretty at rime. Too polished. Not that I liked gnarly and all, but... again. Comparing.

I'll end my rambles here haha. Will go back to read solavellan fanfics (or write...? I wanna explore Solas fucking mind.) and I will lift the tags filter in a few days I think. See what other people thought and if my feelings are shared or not and everyone is so very happy with it.

(I did have the thought that by being someone not that into video games maaaaybe I just can't appreciate depth in video games. But then, bc I was aware of that, I compared to other DA games as I mentioned, just videos, not even playing myself. And yeah. Still stand by my thoughts and feelings...

But maybe by stepping back and digesting I'll change my mind. Maybe I am being ridiculous here and seasoned players or pple used to video games might laughs at my feelings and opinions. Myself I'll find me ridiculous for it... We'll see.

I do miss my Rook already... Might replay with her, just.... change a few things.

edit : ok apparently there's a secret ending?? With something that I thiiink might be the same "????" that speak creepy shit when you kill the dragon in the Necropolis (and my theory is maaybe linked to the echo)?. Nice. Still stand by everything else, but nice and ... kind of confirmed it'd be for a future game then? I wasn't stupid to think there was more to that?

BUT THE BLIGHT AND TITANS THEEEEEEN?

[wormswurld]

FTM ollie w/ felix! 🌟

- felix never really picks up on ollie being trans in the beginning because it never rlly crossed his mind?? yes, he would find it a bit odd when ollie would ask to change in his closet / bathroom when having sleepovers but he went to an all boys secondary school, some people he knew were just not as comfortable as he was so he never questioned it

- anytime they would drunkenly roam oxford felix would just go on these long alcohol induced rambles of how handsome and attractive ollie is “like seriously how have you not picked anyone up yet mate? like i mean really, if i was a girl i would be throwing myself at you like crazy…”and ollie would just be so elated and flattered but never rlly knows what to say…kinda feeling bad in the back of his head because he doesn’t want this to end but he knows he will have to tell felix at some point

- ^^ and instead of really taking the endless amounts of compliments ollie would just shake them off pushing felix’s words down with the “i haven’t really found the right one yet” 😀

- once they get to saltburn ollie is on full alert at all times because it’s summer and felix has already promised him to take him out swimming probably spending the first couple of days sticking his feet in as he reads wishing he was able to come in with felix though he knew it would end in disaster

- but when felix finds out it rlly doesn’t? go? that? badly?? like obviously felix isnt entirely informed and the most understanding of the whole thing due to the time period + his lack of exposure to trans ppl (only ever hearing abt them in passing when elspeth talks about the people she used to know back in her schooling days) but it’s really not too bad

- felix essentially “finds out” when ollie accidentally leaves his packer around in his room, forgetting to hide it before him and felix went down for dinner. eventually felix goes upstairs to grab something he forgot in ollie’s room and he just sees ollie’s packer on his bed. he kinda picks it up and looks at it inquisitively not really entirely understanding what it is but he puts it away.

- flash forward to ollie getting ready for bed and realizing his packer was moved and he instantly starts Losing It. frantically searching his bags and under his pillows for it, felix Can’t see this if he does this will be the end of him and everything he’s ever known but he gathers up enough courage to go ask abt it essentially accepting his fate but felix is just like “yeah mate i found that, didn’t know you were big into sports but you gotta protect the boys somehow” and ollie just loses it and just blurts “i’m a transsexual felix.”

- and there’s just silence and oliver is quite literally on the verge of crying but felix slowly starts talking after taking in what oliver said “oh…oh okay. i think i heard of mum talking abt this sort of thing…she had a friend that was like you but…the opposite?” and then ollie starts to visibly shake because he’s So Fucking Close to breaking down completely but felix just keeps going “i didn’t even know ollie, i don’t care o-or anything like that i mean farleigh is…y’know and we don’t treat him any differently so why would i-” and ollie just throws himself into felix’s arms because he finally feels like he’s been accepted

- as the summer pans out more and the two become more close, felix asking more questions, learning, really reflecting on himself and his sexuality and where he stands because he always felt drawn and deeply connected to ollie but never really had the words to express it?? and probably one night when they are drunk on a walk around saltburn felix just says “i think i’m bisexual..right? like that’s the one when you like girls and lads too right???” and him and felix get into a laughing fit

- ALSO +10 points because they end up going to felix’s room to “chill” the rest of the right but it turns into a “ill you show me mine if you show me yours” situation and felix is just CAPTIVATED by ollie’s tdick….like his shit is definitely bigger than average & he for sure starts drooling and asks if he can touch it 😳‼️

- yes felix eats him out………….yes ollie is a squirter……..

that’s all from me folks! feel free to lmk your thoughts below! i have so many things to say abt trans ollie🫠……trans ollie fans rise up!!!!!!!

[antivan-leather-boot]

Remember when we all freaked out over only getting to import three choices from dai to datv? I definitely did.

[random thoughts on this, may contain mild spoilers regarding how the game treats past games but I've really tried to not give anything concrete. Though if you've really stayed away from any information about the game then ig this is a bit spoilery so maybe skip? ]

But honestly, my two cents now is that they handled the entire thing really well. The little nods and acknowledgements we get, especially through Harding (but also Morrigan!... And well, obviously Inky) are satisfying and cohesive enough. Maybe some people might take issue that they're too open and/or broad, but I am really into how they've done it. Given the context and who Rook is (aka. nobody who would need or have all the info from what we did in dai), I think the openness of the dialogue lines is evocative enough for nice player nostalgia, and flexible enough for most of us to picture the story drawing from our own headcanons.

I can easily believe that there is no reason for Morrigan, a private person to begin with, to tell Rook whether she has a son or not.

I can understand why we don't need to know exactly who the Divine is given the circumstances we're under, and the fact that we're handling the story from Northern, rather than Southern, Thedas. It's enough for me to know it's someone from the inquisition still - I can fill in my own blanks.

Hell, I can even forgive the well of sorrows not being that big of a deal, ultimately. Plus, it kind of works in my worldstate, and Rook doesn't need the details anyway. [minor spoiler, the grin I grinned when Harding referred to it as a 'big pond']

There's a couple of things that do irk me a bit, a few personal disappointments, or things I wish we could've gotten that we didn't. But this would've happened for most people anyway, regardless of how they handled it.

That being said, I'm satisfied with the balance they found with acknowledging the player has been in on the story right from the beginning (dao) and focusing on enhancing the present story and driving it forward.

Though, I will admit, a part of me will never get over the lack of closure I have with Hawke... Still, I can overlook it, because I see how it wouldn't have really fit this particular story.

I think the initial sense of betrayal I felt at having my choices not really matter was smoothed over by realizing that they still can and do matter in how I read the story we've been given. And I'm liking the story so far a lot, so I'm choosing joy and glee every time something gets mentioned that links me to past games.

[blackbat05]

Imperfect

College! Adam Warlock x Reader

Plot: You have a much needed heart-to-heart conversation with Adam on the woes of life.

Genre: PG-13

A/N: Totally did not write this at the service desk (lmao). Yet again, based on experience. Thought about who might be the best current character that I have written to write this and a college Adam came to mind? Anyways, hope you enjoy!

“Hey!” Adam waves at me from afar. He certainly looks the part of a college student. I close the latest book that I’m currently engrossed with, smiling at his enthusiasm despite going through back-to-back three hour classes.

“Classes went well?”

“Oh yes,” he responds excitedly and proceeds to share about his classes on Introduction to History and Ancient Civilization. “Humans are most interesting. Imagine getting by with the lack of technology back then!”

“You are probably the only one whose so excited about classes.” I tease. “I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself on Earth.”

We lounge under the big tree that provided us with a cool breeze. Other students seemed to have the same idea as you as they lazily chomped on food while enjoying the serenity of the lake on a weekday afternoon. You retrieved two boxes of pepperoni pizza from your bag and pass one to Adam who does not hesitate to sink into the pepperoni with relish. “Mmmh…” Adam swallows a bite of the pizza, earning a giggle from me. “This is delicious.”

“You mean you’ve never had it before?”

Adam shakes his head. “Nope. Mother wanted me to be perfect. I was strictly monitored over everything the moment I was born.” He says it with such nonchalance that I almost miss a hint of bitterness in his tone. “But that’s okay,” Adam sees my expression. “I met Quill, Rocket and everyone else. They showed me what I was missing and I’ve caught up. Mostly.” He adds proudly.

I nod, mulling over his words. “How did you feel though? The need to be perfect and meet everyone’s expectations.”

Adam frowns, giving a thoughtful sigh. “I’ve never really thought about it actually. I thought it was… normal. Working and striving to be the best. But I felt that it wasn’t what I wanted.” He tears another chunk of pizza. “I wanted to do what I truly wanted, to be happy. I remember when I was younger, I tagged along with Mother to visit one of the Alien colonies. I ran off to explore the city on my own even though Mother told me not to. But I knew I could and I wanted too. Although I was punished rather harshly, I felt a sense of joy and elation. Do humans feel this way too?”

“They do. I do.” I bring my knees to my chest, watching a pair of students jog past us. Adam looks at me inquisitively. “I never really elaborated to you why I’m working at the student library, right?”

Adam nods, waiting for me patiently.

“I was working at a Community Resource Centre. I was so excited because it was basically what I was working towards for almost a decade. To your people, it may feel like a second but to me, it was everything. I started work and needless to say, I was in for a very rude shock.” I laugh at the memories that was enough to create my own horror film. “It got so bad that I had to take a step back and reevaluate everything that I’ve done. It came to a point where I even questioned myself that I was doing things simply because I felt the need to conform and to live up to the expectations.”

I notice that Adam hasn’t said a single word as I share my story. “I’m sorry, I know I must be such a downer. I try not to repeat myself even with my family or friends. They’ve a lot on their plates and this is simply just a minor setback in my life.”

“Don’t say that.” Adam admonishes. “You’ve experienced something bad and you shouldn’t make it any less. I’m sorry that you went through this and you should have gotten better.”

It wasn’t sympathy but Adam’s words felt like a much needed warm embrace. “Thanks. It’s hard to share my experiences when people would just tell you to ‘suck it up’ or ‘that’s life’. I don’t want to make this sound like a pity party but sharing does make me accept that this happened to me.”

“I agree. It was how I got by with the loss of Mother and the rest of my community. Everything I knew, blown into bits. I was the last one remaining and that pressure to carry the name of my people got even stronger, until Rocket told me to let it all go because at the end of the day, we’re just living for ourselves.”

“Living for ourselves…” I let it roll off my tongue. “I like it.”

As we finish the rest of our lunch, the azure skies gave the campus a homely feeling.

“Thanks. For the conversation. I needed that.” I say as we walked back to the campus.

“Happy to be a good listening ear.” Adam grins. “To being imperfect!”

I laugh at his sudden exclamation that results in stares from a couple of students and faculty alike.

“To being imperfect.”