#this was made at the start of Covid

[ambrieldoespoems]

Life’s Blessing

Sometimes I lie awake at night

Wondering why my chest feels so tight

Why I can't seem to open up to anyone.

Why life just doesn't seem fun

People say that life is a blessing and I know that it is

But wonder why the universe chose me of all

people to live.

It's a one in a million shot that I made it here

today.

So why do I not want to stay?

I want to go to a place far away, where I'm not so awkward. I don't trip on my feet.

Where everything just feels more complete.

And I know a lot of people have it much worse than I

So I don't understand why I want to die.

Except I don't really want to die, I just don't want to live.

But maybe I still have more to give.

Maybe that's why I'm on this earth today.

Maybe I still have something to say.

Things will get better as life moves on.

Maybe there's hope for the future and that hope lies in me.

If I go on to become who God called me to be.

[unknownhomosapien]

Lord Indoril Nerevar Mor(a)rowInd

just awakened -> some time later

[heartorbit]

always by your side

[bisexualgorgeous]

having been a swiftie™️ for years and a grammy’s watcher since red era I have made and confirmed the observation that the public opinion shift is like clockwork hinged on the grammy’s and despite taylor acting the same every year the difference between “she’s so annoying and extra” and “she’s so funny and relatable” is always whether or not she gets an aoty that year we know the gp hates seeing her succeed and loves her when she’s on a downward slope (in terms of awards, girlie is happier than ever and i love this) but that aoty is always the difference and I guarantee if she’d won anything for ttpd the gp would be tearing apart everything she did and said but now she’s gonna be on an upward trend in public opinion where liking her becomes acceptable again until ts12 starts to get Grammy consideration

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

my mum keeps responding to my covid precautions with “i get it, you’re not ready yet”. like no i just don’t do them anymore. i don’t really need to eat at restaurants or go to crowded places or be in public without an n95. i can watch the movie at home. i can get take out. an n95 is just uncomfortable sometimes but doesn’t stop me from doing anything. i love not getting sick

[racingliners]

Mercedes' Lewis Hamilton & Valtteri Bottas | F1 Grill The Grid

[religion-trauma]

eh this is a vent blog i can do whatever SO

LONG COVID FUCKING SUCKS BALLS

when i first heard it i was like "huh, that must suck. but it only lasts a few months so its not that bad"

AND THEN A YEAR WENT BY and scientists were like "oh fuck some people still have it. uh. oh no. it can last a while"

but I DIDNT KNOW THAT! I was living my life! And then I got covid for the second time. and it never fucking left. I haven't had my lungs be pain-free for a whole day in FUCKING YEARS

and the worst part? my general family doctor thinks its not a big deal. at least, that's what he ACTS like. he's like "oh i'm sure the constant pain ur in is just long covid. and i can't do anything phsycial that's immediate like medication sooo deal with it :) just exercise more :)."

next visit, 6 months later: "oh it's not gone? weird. it'll be gone in a few months. exercise so you can get stronger and banish it"

next visit, 6 months later: "ur still in pain and tired all the time? uh. exercise more."

next visit, 6 months later: "still?? u need to eat better and exercise more. ok bye."

me, next visit: "ya know what? it's been like 2 years. he's not gonna listen. i wont bother bringing it up"

so i stopped bring it up. i'm tired of him saying "exercise!" while i have repeatedly presented him symptoms that make it hard to do exercise anywhere near consistently. like. what even COULD he do if this turns out to be chronic? i know what he WOULD do. exercise exercise exercise. no other solutions offered, no advice on HOW to exercise with chest pain, just exercise.

[ethereal-w0lf]

How i started the Magnus archive is so funny. Because I had HORRIBLE Covid and screens hurt my eyes so I was like “What podcast have I been spammed with on TikTok” and it was TMA. And then I was H O O K E D I finished the first 3 seasons within that week of having Covid.

[mrsterlingeverything]

Sick again third time in 2 months i am dying now i am dead now what did u think of me..

[paarksunghoon]

hiii, i saw your tags on the post about not being able to give good ideas justice.. AND THE HEESEUNG VAMPIRE AU IDEA OMG? IT LITERALLY SOUNDS SO GOODSKDJFKHF IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE A STUPID IDEA AT ALL

i have a two page outline of this story but lost inspo when I started thinking about the actual plot points until I posted that…I know exactly how this story ends and what happens to humanity too kdnxkxndns

THANK YOU FOR LIKING IT!!! I wanted it to be a multi-part story (maybe 4-5 chapters max) but who knows!!! not me, that’s for sure.

anyway here are the tags in case anyone’s interested:

[dustylovelyrun]

hi, how've you been! How's been creating and writing going?

The temptation for dramatics. I really, truly wanted to be dramatic. To state something along the lines of how utterly awful writing has been, in how words have become the delusions of a mind newly rendered half mad and trapped within the gnarling, twisted vestiges of a very bittersweet history, but. It never does seem to translate well online, does it? Being dramatic without warning. But it does significantly take away from the joys of dramatics to provide warning, doesn't it? Sad thing, that is.

Without dramatics, I can say that the reason my presence initially is / was so sparse around 2022-onwards is because of the aftermath of long-covid. You know. The brain damage thing. It directly impacted any pre-existing ability that I had to think or say two sentences and to successfully follow the train of thought that was connecting them, let alone to formulate an idea, write it, or have any tolerance as to the feeble shadowed results of what I wanted and previously could have put on a page. It elicited some very helpless and sad feelings, so, as I do, I ran. Nowadays, it has somewhat improved, but I'm still mostly at a point where I can only formulate messy outlines and get a very rare piece that seems to turn out alright. I'm also in a belated educational attempt to reattain, as an adult, everything I missed out when I went and dropped out at fourteen; the writing exercises natural to that and the NZ curriculum have oddly aided in reclaiming some of that, in my paralysing terror of attaining a bad grade, but. It eats up time. I'm still very much warring with what's occurred mentally, and am uncertain if my time as a contributor here just. Ended, frankly, far sooner than I had ever thought to suspect, or if I'll eventually manage to adapt and relearn in an extraordinarily painful length of time.

But frankly, being able to witness the enthralling, indescribable and so utterly memorising shift and development of your own writing has been one of the factors to keeping me here, really. Every second of it has been worth it. You, and a select handful of once-mutuals that I still remember quite fondly from the 2020 and early 2022 era. It has been a truly wonderful experience to watch you grow more confident in your capabilities, honing both your cadence and innate talents into a true passion and skill rendering you destined to become ingrained into the long-term memories, the core, of your audience's mind. You have truly flourished and blossomed as the years have passed, and it carries very well in those pieces which are so hauntingly beautiful, echoing and resounding deeply as they are read.

[icewindandboringhorror]

just a few little bits from the past few days

[bitegore]

ok this isnt meant to be a dig or anything but it's always really funny to me when people like just cracking 30 are like "omg you're in your early twenties, you're a babyyyyyy"

babe you're like barely 30, you're a baby too. You're a blink and a half older than me. I spend too much time around people over 50, the difference between 23 and 33 is a few years at a job and a little more distance from living in your parents' house but it's like, nothing. the gap closes every time you breathe and every time i move. the difference between you and me is like one-fifteenth the difference between you and my dad's friend Joe or whatever. don't worry you'll get to live more life too, but don't kid yourself.

and this is doubled when it's coming from a 25-year-old currently experiencing a crisis of age because they're soooo old, they're 25, the horror! You are twenty-five. We have an age difference of three years. Your concern over this is embarrassing for you and highly entertaining for me. But like don't kid yourself here. You are 25. You are a like a fucking baby to me.

[42wv]

I really like Yusaku Fujiki

[smol-blue-bird]

I love when you're reading a paper where the authors clearly expected a certain result, but then everything went off the rails somehow, and you can just hear them laughing nervously like "what the fuck. what the fuck" as you get closer to the discussion/conclusions section

[nicmares404]

Bruh, this is the third time i've been sick in the last 2 months. Viruses have to actually be targeting me at this point, cause this is just ridiculous (⊙_◎)

Like yeah I have a weaker immune system, but I'm literally not even going anywhere! I guess whatever traces my sister brings home from school (she's in HS) is enough. To make matters worse, my toddler brother is about to start pre-school. I sense so many more illnesses in my future O|￣|_