#this was for her bday last year :3
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ann!! 💝
#ann takamaki#panther#p5 ann#p5#persona 5#p5r#persona 5 royal#this was for her bday last year :3#birthday art#p5 fanart#my art#art#artists on tumblr
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found a pattern for a sweater that's so beautiful and i just have to make it but 4 different family members have decided to request things for me to make them so i want to make those first 🥲
#ive been crocheting and knitting for like 3-4 years and they all decided to ask for things last month#my sister wants a cropped sweater (easy pattern that will be done quickly) and a shrug/bolero thing#my little sister decided she wants a stitch plush#and my brother wants a nemo plush#and my grandma requested i make her something but didnt specify what#the worst part of all this is that i need to buy yarn . i hate buying yarn so much#might go buy some next weekend if my sister comes visit again#and then i also need to measure her#and i want to finish the plushes by mid October cause it's my sisters birthday#my older sister's bday is at the end of thjs month so i dont think i can finish hers on time#I'll try though . it all depends on how uni stuff will go#maybe i can make a pretty pillow or sth for my grandma? idk. what do grandmas like?#jo says stuff#my crochet
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a Miku from my phone (last November as well) !!!
#ikikik 3 count 'em Three art posts in a day yeah yeah#i hadn't posted these yet & i wanted to now since i've seen many people post for her bday !#also this and the last one are a few months short of being a year old & it felt Not Right to not post them#hatsune miku#flea art !!
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Symperilamvanon Panton Cosmos - Semper Clara Stella
Birthday gift for a friend, but posted here early so keep it a secret
#arterna#docas constellation#My beautiful talented son <3#I am kind of artblocked so I went for a simple drawing so as to not tire me out too much#Annual constellation drawing though last year's was much more technically impressive ahh#Made these bday gifts in advance this year because i won't be home and I can never know how my energy will be down the line oof#Don't let gloomy know i have hers ready already but I might draw one extra Glow as a bonus hehe#Oh and the funny words mean All Encompassing Cosmos and Eternally Bright Stella
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im GOING to write today ........ i WILL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#the sky speaks#i havent used twitter in so long and lemme say i missed using tumblr like twitter. just putting my long rambly notes into a single post#anyways onto the rambling#i havent been writing or drawing like at alllll#too busy#also was so sick#but now that i have my new job and i know what my schedule is gonna sorta look like#3 days at joann 2 days cleaning w mom and 2 days nothin#PLUS i dont have to spend money on therapy til after the new year now#and mom is coming home and she seems rly optimistic abt sobriety#im feeling like i can finally create again !!!!#i have 2 creative presents i need to do before christmas#but aside that and 1 prompt still in my inbox (that i rly wanna do anyways) everything else i wanna do is all for Me :)#im kinda put out bc a lot of stuff i wanted to do this fall got shelved.. i wanted to make bday art of kirishima xinyan and kazuha.#i wanted to open comms. but im way too rusty w art rn to be confident doing that. maybe after new years?#god i wanted to come out to my parents properly. the day my mom went to rehab was national coming out day.#it was also one of my last therapy sessions. i came out to her instead#i still managed to do stuff tho. started my new job and got together with friends TWICE !! and i've kept up w doing my moms job alone#idk where im going w this anymore ive lost steam. but yeah. i wanna write today! idk what yet. i hav so many wips i could work on..
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JUST COMING TO SAY SOMETHING BC I SAW SHELLEY DUVALL DIED WHAT NOOO
#also her fan on twitter that became friends with her or whatever posted about her bday just last week and stuff 😭😭#rip queen#aww i just read a lot of recent articles and stuff about her im so sad. i know she was 75 but its too soon#reread bc i read some when they came out like the nyt piece#my mom and i watched 3 women last year and i was blown away and was like wow i need to watch more of her other movies#and i never did smhh well i will now
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Hey so how many times can your friend get back together with their cunt of a boyfriend who treats her like shit before you can get angry
#cause we’re on strike 3#she doesn’t listennnnn#but then who does she come crying to when he loses his shit about her doing something for herself#ME#she ruined my birthday celebration last year because they broke up for the nth time#and she was too sad 😢 and wanted to do smt to cheer her up instead of celebrating my bday#and i want to slap her in the face#and him too but that’s old news#i swear
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currently experiencing The Horrors (thinking abt the fact that i have to start going into the office again from tomorrow)
this will either fix me entirely or cause me to descend so deeply into my burnout sinkhole that i will never be seen or heard from again
#regrettably i think maybe getting out of the house for a few hours might help. don't tell the ceo that#idk im having a really hard time keeping my head above water right now#i basically didn't have any time off last year just to do nothing. every holiday i took was to like. do an activity#like go to america or germany for cons or travel for a concert or some other event#whereas i usually use 75% of my time off to get some desperately needed rest#im really running on empty at this point but i really don't wanna use a bunch of my annual leave this early in the year#also i need to start learning how to say no to people#because last year i used probably 60% of my leave for other people#like. i used 2 weeks to go to washington with my brother as his 18th bday present. that was literally half my leave#and then i used another 3-4 days to visit relatives#and this year i was like 'im gonna be proper selfish with my a/l this year and use it ALL to do what i want to do'#then my mum rang me up and asked me to use a day of it to hang out with her and i said yes. like an idiot#like don't misunderstand me. i love my mum. but i already see her every weekend#and i also have to like. not tell her when i book leave for myself because she'll be like 'oh so we can do something!'#NO. PLEASE. LET ME ROT IN PEACE.#im just so frustrated that i im such a pushover and i already broke my promise to myself this early on#like. why can i not advocate for myself ever. why can i not just. disappoint people. and have that be okay.#personal
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the fact that we just have to keep going on living is insane
my strongest memory of feeling unconditionally loved as a kid was one day at the beach when my best friend's mom tucked in the tags on my swimsuit when they were showing. it was just the fact that someone i wasn't related to and had no obligation to look after me went out of her way to make sure the little details of my appearance, details i didn't notice or care about, were in order. it's such a small moment and i doubt she even remembers it, but for me it's a core memory of feeling loved and cared for .
i haven't seen that woman in over a year now, because she cut off my whole family. she made her daughter, my best friend, block me after a decade of being friends. and i never got a real explanation. initially, my best friend said it was because she came out as bi and our whole friend group is gay, and so, even tho her parents had no confirmation, i had to be cut off by extension. after my mom talked to her, she said it was because our group was bad for her daughter's mental health. my best friend's mom said that maybe, if i apologized, i could talk to her daughter again. maybe. and so i wrote them a letter. i apologized for anything and everything i could think of. i wasn't sure what i did wrong, so i covered all my bases. it took me weeks to write because even thinking about it made me feel sick. and it wasn't enough. it's such a huge, earth-shattering moment in my life, it's a core memory of absolute betrayal and abandonment.
and i just have to live with this. with a core memory of being loved unconditionally and a core memory of being betrayed, that were both caused by the same people. maybe im just 17 but how do i live with this
#but i stay silly :3#im sitting here crying over something that happened almost 2 yrs ago and im wearing mascara so there's black lines down my cheeks#it's just silly#this was all caused by me remembering that since i graduated school my friend can't contact me anymore#cause school emails were all we had and mine got terminated since im not in school#as if it matters#she hasnt messaged me in months and im always the one who messages first and she forgot about my bday last year#so what's the hope for this year#god it's almost been 2 years#it hasnt gotten even a little bit easier i still miss her so much and i still feel so alone#i just want my best friend back but i dont even know if i can call her my best friend anymore#vent
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:-) things are getting better september truly is a month of new beginnings
#yesterday i went out to the grocery store late at night and bought so much yogurt i think that was my turning point i am forever changed#and today i went to the mall with my mom and bought myself a pair of sunglasses that i really wanted for so long#and the guy that works there recognized me 😭😭😭😭#i went there before to buy my cousin a graduation gift and honestly i came back bc i wanted the same ones i got for her they’re so cool#anyway the staff recognized me and gave me a special discount bc im a ‘regular’ even tho this is only my second time buying from them 🥹🥹#that was so nice of him bc if it wasnt for that dicount i probably wouldnt have bought the sunglasses bc theyre a bit pricey for my budget#anyway i got them 🥹 so im feeling a bit better#also! i bought myself a little rice cooker for one serving so i don’t starve and stop ordering so much food that i don’t have money for#i think this month is spending on myself month#and tomorrow im going out to celebrate my friend’s birthday 🥰🥰 we’re going to a bakery then to a museum and im bringing my camera with me <3#recently i’ve fixed my 10 year old camera and its so perfect i love it so much i found a manual online and im gonna learn how to properly#use all the effects and settings it has#i bought it with my mom in 2013 and honestly we picked the best design ever it looks so coooool god i love my little camera im taking it#everywhere with me 🥹💛💛#anyway .. the last episode of uncanny counter 2 aired today 🥲🥲🥲 im gonna make myself some rice in my new rice cooker and watch it 🫶#then i’ll take a warm shower and finish off my friends bday gift#im making them a crochet cat keychain i hope it comes out well#alsoooo LETTERS WITH NOTES OUT TOMORROW im soooo excited i love you september#anyway i came here to talk about my week bc it was nice :-) i hope everyone’s september is going well too <3
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being a kid was thinking surely being an adult can’t be that bad but i just spent 2 and a half hours on a thursday morning trying to install a new antivirus on my laptop and now i either have to kill myself or go out and spend 7 dollars on coffee to cope
#like. it’s the little things like that that just. eat away at your soul or something like i get it now.#it took 2 hours because i just bought the one i bought last year bc i had such a terrible fucking time last year#uninstalling the old one and trying to remove every part of it bc i have a macbook and i don’t know how to use it still so i can’t#control panel uninstall like om windows. so anyway i just rebought the new version and i download it and the first thing it says to me??????#uninstall old software. BRO. you ARE the old software. but ok so i spend 30 minutes doing that#with the goddamn library/ whatever folders over and over and over again and on my moms laptop too#and so i’m like ok i think i got it all so i go to install it again and it’s like. you have no internet or the program isnt working.#try again. so i’m like. ok. so i do and it’s like ok. so i wait 30 more minutes before i’m like ??#anyway i go back and read the description of the thing and yeah last yeah they phased out my os#SO i’m like ok. ok. now i already spent the money on something i can’t use and ofc i bought it through amazon so when i called the company#they were like we can’t help u i’m like yeah i didn’t think so but thanks anyway. anyway. amazon helped me and i got a different program and#that installed in 3 minutes so anyway fuck apple for always phasing out old os and fuck mcafee for doing it too#and my mom and i have been fighting for like 2 weeks now and i’m just truly reaching my limit#but i still have to go out and buy her a bday present this afternoon like why can’t life just be good and fun ever
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my phone completely stopped working and i just started sobbing because its 7 am and i literally was going to sleep i always have so much bad luck i always had so many fucking PROBLRMS WITH MY LAPTOP AND IPHONE AND NOTHING GIVES ME MIGRAINES LIKE THIS I WANNa sdieeeee I WANNA DIEEE oh my god i can’t breathe like i’mCTUALLY crying i know i’m fucking insane and annoying but fuck off oh my god
#i have such a migraine likedjfudfhudzjgdfh#and now i have to find a new fucking phone and i have to spend my SAVED money. that i wanted to use for more useful things in the future on#SOME FUCKING IPHONE oh my god i actually need to kill myself#these are such non issues but i'm so fucking tired and frustrarted and things never go my way and this was the last fucking straw#my mom found a cheap iphone and i have to give her my saved money now Hahhahaha. this is fucking killing me#i had this phone since my bday in 2019 its been 3 fucking years How the dfuck is it so bad and fragile#ALL I DID WAS CUT A FUCKING VIDEO AND GO ON TUMBLR AND IT FUCKING RESTARTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#AND ITS STUCK ITS FUCKING STUCK AND WONT DO SHIT AND MY FUCKING SIM CARD IS LOCKED I CANT RECEIVE TWO FACTOR AUTHEHHRHHTHNNNBHJGVHF!H#FUCKKKKKK MY DICKK AND BAKLLS
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... man i just remembered how last night i had a dream by the end of it there was a cat, and in it i said "oh she looks exactly like tigra!! are you also an attention seeking dumbass like her?" and it was so i may have actually dreamt about her
#my posts#my dreams#sorta i dont care about the rest of that one dream#..... i miss her she was the best creature ive ever met#like yeah i may be allergic to cats. yeah she did basically want to be constantly near or on top of me like a baby#which ended up with me struggling with allergy a lot. but she WAS my baby#... itd be her bday next month. and last month was the anniversary of her death. so im not really surprised#this happened once before and it was even sadder so its not the worst case scenario sdighds#but i miss her that little dumbass made it less than 3 months to be a 21 y-o cat#..... that. means shes been gone for 4 years now huh#man.#theres a cat nearby on a house that i pass when i take the bus for class and depending on the day when i come back home#her name is michy and shes a calico like she was but her face is more of the flat type and her eyes are dif color#but shes also an atention seeking dumbass and she is very sweet and always meows at me when i see her#she is making me both want a cat a lot again and also letting me live vicariously through someone elses pet siuhsug#...... idk what im doing im just rambling im trying to be a bit less sad i guess sghsiguhsg#im gonna watch some stupid videos and then im gonna return here to be bisexual over middle aged men maybe#i just had to get it out of me bc yeah i miss her a lot
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she liked the poem i wrote for her!!! (im still not over her)
#i didn't even like her romantically bruh#she just... made me feel rlly nice okay#but she gave me mixed signals and hurt my feelings a lot of times#so after i moved out i hadn't talked to her#didn't even follow her insta#but she found mine recently#cuz a common friend of ours tagged me in her story#then we planned to meet up#i had planned to give her the poem as a bday gift when we'd meet#just like i did last year#but she stood me up like 5 times in 2 days 😃#then i wasn't planning on sending the poem to her#par pata nhi konsa sasta nasha phooke maine vo insta pe use bhej di#and she liked it#she says she misses me#but i kinda don't trust her#anyways#this is what 🌈homoerotic teenage friendships✨ do to a girl :3
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I need to make friends with more crafty people I'm constantly giving handmade gifts but hardly ever get any :'(
#also we could scheme together....#last year i made my bil an entire quilt for his bday. this year he got me nothing LMAO. no more handmade for him#my sil made me a beautifully beaded mushroom last year that i adore though. love her <3
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YIPPEEE
#i was correct!!! im so smart!!!!#official fmwl posted wife bday!!!#i didnt see her post from last year so i had to somewhat guess when the 'official' date would be and +w+bb I WAS RIGHT yayyy#her ingame anni is 39th october btw. which is why its a guesss.#until now >:3#sillyposting#uououuu the darling......#TO ME. she is 32 now. yes.#12 years older feels rightt....#ingame she is said to be both in her 20's and in her 30's so. im just picking an age for her.#waugh......#anyway today i have been very normal. about intimacy. and nothing out of ordinary is happening in my brain.#=w=b#anyway more twitter stuff: (the only things i check are fmwl and mikuexpo)#but the fucking eu goods got delayed! the fuck??#ok im not thatt upset up it is. =3=pp#they were supposed to be shipped out like the 10th. when concerts start like 27th. erm.#who are we kidding. we knew this couldve happened. goddamn.#anyway the aus goods are cute too! i dont think ill get them unless theyre exeptional etcc ermm#idk.#ooooh miku..........
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